#something something Will’s trauma response being to freeze

[chirpsythismorning]

(7/5)

Will does not (7/5)…

What have you done?

I’m missing collarbones, not eyes (12)

Does anybody know the dead dude’s name? (7/5)

What have you done?

[therainscene]

I think I might have figured out what the Mind Flayer really is.

This theory has been percolating in my brain for a while now; it hasn't really finished baking yet but I wanted to get the gist of it down before The First Shadow debuts.

Let’s begin at the Hawkins National Lab, 6th November 1983. For the second time in her young life, El faces terrifying and deeply traumatic circumstances which cause her powers to lash out and rip a gash in the fabric of reality.

Meanwhile, across town, Will is doing what every queer 12 year-old has done and finds an excuse to spend an extra moment alone with his crush.

His little gay heart is as aflutter as the garage lights.

(Strange, that. The lights, I mean -- considering that he's on the other side of town from the lab. Do you suppose the Demogorgon trekked all the way to Mike's house and quietly followed him home again?)

Will heads home, lost in thought as he cycles past the lab. Is he thinking about how sweet his new X-Men #134 is gonna be? Or is he thinking about something even sweeter? The lights flutter again.

And something in front of him notices.

Will has always been noticeable: his clothes, his mannerisms, his interests -- they've always attracted the attentions of bullies. Now something new -- or maybe something that was always there and is only now making itself known -- has attracted the attentions of a monster.

He runs home, he calls for help, but he's alone, there's no escape. He races to the shed and loads a gun like his father taught him -- but it's not in his nature to be violent. He freezes, petrified.

The lights surge as his terror wrestles control of his powers and uses them to puncture an escape route in the fabric of reality.

Why were we so quick to believe that the Demogorgon -- a minion of the guy whose whole thing is his inability to open gates -- was able to open its own temporary portals in S1 and then never again?

Will could plausibly have been responsible for every temporary portal in S1: he’s at the Byers house when the Demogorgon pushes through its walls; he's on the run to Castle Byers when Nancy stumbles across that portal in the woods; and he's plugged in to one of Vecna's vines during the finale -- something we see Vecna plug himself into when he remotely opens gates in S4.

There’s one exception though.

Barb likely slipped through a gate in Steve's pool, but how could Will have opened that one when he was in his bedroom at the time, talking to his mother through the lights?

Let me ask you this: isn't it interesting that of all the injuries Barb could have obtained in her passage to the Upside Down, she got a nosebleed?

I think powers are more common than we’ve been led to believe, and gates are a last-ditch self-defense mechanism for anyone with powers.

This is why the four curse victims’ deaths opened a gate: Vecna pushed them to their breaking point to artificially trigger the self-defense response. Those headaches and nosebleeds weren't caused by Vecna directly, but by their own powers acting up as they inched towards oblivion.

[Shoutout to @givehimthemedicine's underrated powers and blood theory for the idea of Vecna's Curse being the overcharging of his victims' own powers.]

It was already pretty obvious that Vecna's Curse is a metaphor for suicide, and this theory reinforces it: every kid who gets targeted by the horrors of Hawkins for being "different" tries to find some way to escape.

Willel's misfortune is that their powers are considerably more easily manifested than the average person's. Byler tells the story of visible vs invisible queerness, but that's just a reflection of the larger theme at play in the show: the visible and invisible ways kids are othered and abused.

Max's trauma was a quiet thing that came from within and festered until it was almost too late to save her... but Willel's trauma manifests as a giant monster that openly hunts them down.

And I'm being literal when I say the Mind Flayer is a manifestation of their trauma.

We know that Vecna fashioned the Mind Flayer from a cloud of black particles he found in the Upside Down, but where did that cloud come from? The Upside Down is a mysterious enough place that it's easy to assume the Shadow is native to that realm... but what if it isn't?

The Mind Flayer is heavily associated with repression -- Will gradually lost his memories while he was possessed, and El lost her powers when the sliver of Flesh Flayer wormed its way into her leg.

But Will has mysteriously been without powers ever since leaving the Upside Down, and we've seen El lose memories too: her memories of surviving the lab massacre, in which she didn't simply escape by opening up a gate, but by disintegrating her attacker into black particles.

The Mind Flayer doesn't cause repression -- it is repression.

There must have been countless generations worth of traumatized children who took the extra step El did and sent their abusers -- or at least their memories of abuse -- into that hidden realm beyond the gate.

(There's also the possibility that Mr. Time-is-Just-a-Social-Construct is stuck in a time loop of some sort -- maybe the massacre has repeated hundreds of times, and Dimension X is a timeless graveyard of El's attempts to repress her trauma. This would explain why Henry seems to have both disintegrated and survived: we were watching at least two different iterations of the massacre all along.)

Whichever way you slice it, it's a perfect fit: the tool Vecna uses to perpetuate the cycle of abuse isn't some bizarro alien from an alternate dimension, but a direct consequence of the cycle itself.

The Mind Flayer tells us that escape alone doesn't work as a long-term solution: it might help you survive the initial abuse, but if you don't address the effect it had on you...

...it will come back to wreck havok.

[Edit: Click here for post-TFS thoughts on this theory]

[glassartpeasants]

Alone

Trafalgar Law x F!Reader

Warnings: Reader has a drinking problem, Law being emotionally distant, mentions of past abusive relationships,

A/N: As you can all see I AM A LIAR >:) also I've ne er written for Law before so don't hang me if it's not perfect. Also not as long as my kid fics

@zuffer-weird-girl

(Phone acting up so if format is weird that's why)

~~~

The Polar Tang has never felt more cold than it does now. Even though you were deep into the freezing sea, the cold was nothing compared to the freeze you felt in your heart. Every passing second felt like an eternity as you suffered in silence. Watching the man you worked so hard to let you in pushed you away like you meant nothing.

You didn’t know what you’d done for him to act the way he was. One minute, he smiled whenever you entered his office with coffee; the next, he looked at you with disdain. Like you were a burden, it took a lot for you not to break down in tears every time he sent that look your way.

You couldn’t even avoid him if you wanted to. Being in a submarine miles underwater left you stuck with nowhere to go. Avoiding him was impossible, and the tension between the two of you was insane. Everyone inside the Polar Tang could feel it. It was thick enough to suffocate on, and you hated it. You didn’t want the crew to suffer or walk around eggshells just cause you're having relationship issues with your boyfriend.

Boyfriend? Captain? You didn’t know anymore. All he did was order you around instead of giving you a small good morning smile that you used to look forward to. Now, he barely acknowledges your presence and simply gives you a blank look.

You know that Law has his difficulties and trauma, so you never force him to do something he didn’t want to do. Let him take his time to trust and come to you. Everything you’ve done was to ensure that Law knew he was loved and could confine in you. Let him know he wasn’t alone and that you’d always be here for him.

Yet now, it feels like that wasn’t enough.

You only saw him when he addressed plans for the heart pirates or when he came to eat. Other than that, he was like a ghost that haunted the submarine. A rare sight to see him out of his office. A sight that you couldn’t take anymore.

Which brought you right outside his office door, your arm raised as you get ready to knock on the door, yet it stayed in its place. Biting your lip, you start to regret your decision to approach him, but the overwhelming pain in your heart gives you the slight boost you need.

KNOCK KNOCK

You slowly open the door, and you see him glaring at you. The sight alone had you shaking nervously.

“Law? Can we talk?” Walking out from behind the door, you breathe before closing it behind you.

“What?”

“I just…Did I do something to upset you? It feels like you're making an effort to avoid me. Please tell me if I did something wrong instead of avoiding me.” You can feel your voice shake as you confess your concerns.

“I’m not avoiding you.”

“But you are! Whenever I try to talk to you, you look so uninterested in what I have to say, and you turn around to leave before I even finish talking! I can’t remember the last time you smiled at me. For the past three months, you’ve done nothing but ignore me and look at me with disdain!”

“(Y/N)-ya, can we do this later? I need to make plans for Sabaody.” You let out a shocked gasp hearing his words. That’s what he’s been saying whenever you ask him to do something together. Now he’s saying it when you need to have a mature conversation.

“Nuh-uh. You’ve been saying that for two weeks! Every time I want to be next to you, I get that same damn response! That’s not gonna work this time. We need to have an adult conversation. An important adult conversation."

“What do you want from me (Y/N)-ya? I’m the captain. It’s obvious I'm going to be busy.”

“Busy, yeah! But you shouldn’t be busy to the point you don’t even come to bed! I bet you’ve been so busy sleeping in here that you haven’t noticed that I’ve slept in the crew bunks for almost a whole month!” You saw Law’s body slightly tense upon hearing your words. His eyes widened before going back to normal.

“That’s your choice.” Now, it’s your turn for your eyes to go wide. You can feel rage bubbling in your gut hearing his words. With a scowl, you throw your hands up in surrender.

“You know what? Fine. I’ve got more important things to do with my time instead. Since obviously I’m not important enough to have even a second of your time.” Turning around, you open the door before slamming it shut behind you. Tears slip down your cheeks as you stomp towards the kitchen to grab yourself a drink.

You’ve been drinking a lot more than you like to admit recently. It was hard not to when your struggling emotionally with your lover and mentally to get over your original drinking problem. It was horrible when you first joined the Heart Pirates, but slowly, they helped you start to overcome it.

There have always been alcohol problems in your family, and only did it hit you when you got into an abusive relationship before Law. Some people called you a ‘sad’ drunk type, so that could also be part of the problem. It made you only want to drink more. When the Heart Pirates took you in, you were fresh out of the relationship and suffering from alcoholism to the point you needed at least 3 alcoholic beverages every day. It's thanks to Law that your liver isn’t fucked.

It might as well be again with how much you started drinking again.

“Dare I ask how many so far?” Looking towards the door, you see Penguin entering the kitchen before sitting next to you at the table.

“Not enough.” You say before taking a big gulp. A small drop hits your uniform.

“Another problem with Captain, I assume?”

“Yeah, like always. Damn, bastard. Is there something I’m doing wrong?” Desperation slips from your lips as tears continue to stream down your cheeks.

“No! Of course not! I’m sure Captain has something planned for you guys! He’s just a difficult man to read, is all!” Penguin's loyalty to his Captain was admirable, but it's not what you want to hear during the time you wanted to punch said Captain in the face.

“I hope for my heart and liver's sake that you're right, Penguin.”

~~~

The next few days went by, and neither you nor Law spoke a word to one another. It broke your heart not speaking to him but you didn’t want to go crawling back to a man who didn’t care about your feelings. You’ve done plenty of that before joining the crew.

The hangover you were suffering from the hard-drinking the night before finally hitting you at full force. It felt like an ice pick stabbing into your head, and it only got worse as the crew got ready for the day.

Today was the day you’d be docking at Sabaody. Horrible time to get plastered the night before going to a busy place.

“Come on (Y/N)! We finally get to see the sun! It’s been so long!” Bepo shook your blanket-covered body. If it weren’t for the fact that you haven’t seen the sun in 2 weeks, and if it wasn’t, Bepo was the one shaking you, you probably would have slept late. But you could never say no to Bepo, and you did need some vitamin D before you got sick.

“Alright, alright. I’m getting up. Give me a sec, and I’ll meet you at the sub opening.”

“Okay! See you then!” You could practically hear Bepo’s smile as the bear ran off. Taking a breath, you get ready to see the archipelago Law is so obsessed about.

~~~

“Everyone gather round here.” Once everyone was out of the Polar Tang, Law immediately laid out the plan. It was going good so far until he said where you’d be.

“(Y/N) you’ll be on watch while Me, Bepo, Penguin, and Shachi-”

“Wait, why am I on watch?”

“Because I said so (Y/N). It’s easier that way.”

“Easier? Law you can’t just-”

“Captain. And my decision is final.” You simply look at the man in bewilderment. He never put you on watch.

If you weren’t going through a rough patch in your relationship with him, you’d just think it’d just cause he misplaced you. But now, with all the arguments and how Law’s been avoiding you, it’s like he just didn’t want you around. You could be looking too much into it, but with how Law talked about Sabaody, it sounded dangerous. If that were the case, wouldn’t he want you more around for more defense?

Not to mention how he ‘corrected’ you in front of the whole crew. You’ve called him Law in front of them before, and he didn’t say a thing. So why now?

“Okay, everyone, let's go.” The sound of the crew dispersing made your hands curl into fists. All you could do was stare at the ground as you heard everyone part ways. Law and his crew go to town while everyone makes their way back to the Polar Tang. There was no way in hell you were going back in that submarine after not seeing the sun in two weeks. If you wanted to crawl into a dark, cramped space, you’d just go to one of the many bars this place probably harbored.

In fact, you're gonna do just that. More than half the crew is on ‘watch.’ No one would notice you're gone. Just a few drinks, and you’ll be right back.

~~~

“Hey, Captain, why’d you put (Y/N) on watch? She’s never on watch.” The sound of Penguin’s voice breaks through Law’s thoughts.

“I have my reasons. She was unneeded, is all.” A complete lie that he hoped Penguin would just take without another word. In reality, he wanted you to stay safe. And in a place crawling with Marines, bounty hunters, and other pirates, the only safe space was the Polar Tang.

He knew you were strong and that you could handle yourself. But there was a fear that if he simply blinked for a single second, then you’d be gone. He loved you too much for that to be a reality.

Even though his actions beg to differ.

Whether intentional or not, he tends to push you away. He doesn’t want to get hurt and lose someone he loves once again, so it’s easier to be closed off. But the touch of your hands when you massage his tense shoulder or when you kiss his cheek when no one is looking is a token of ‘good luck.’ Times like this are where he wants to be close to you forever, but the fear of losing you becomes too strong so he pushes you away.

And he’s noticing that you're getting fed up with his hot/cold behavior.

When you told him that you hadn’t slept in your shared bed for about a month, Law could feel his heart stop. Has it really been a month since he’s slept in his own room? The thought ate him alive and his head raced with possible responses, and of course, he chose the worst one possible. He remembered seeing the hurt in your eyes and the faint tears that threatened to spill.

“Oh, Captain, look! I think there’s two other rookie pirates fighting!” Penguin snapped Law from his trance when he pointed to 2 pirates causing a ruckus. A small smile worked its way to Law’s lips at the sight.

“Well, let’s go watch, shall we?”

~~~

“Here you go, miss, another one for the pretty lady.” The bar you found yourself in was packed with all kinds of questionable people. All pirates and drunken commoners. There weren’t many women occupying the bar, so you stood out more than you would have liked. Not to mention how your uniform caught many eyes as well, your crew’s Jolly Roger plastered on it proudly. That and the many empty glasses of booze surrounding you.

“Thanks.” The bartender placed a huge jug of alcohol in front of you as you sat on the bar top. You can already tell that you’ve had more drinks than you originally were gonna get, but each passing minute that you thought about Law made you down another drink. It was easier to drink away your problems instead of working to fix said problem and it not working.

“Well, look what we have here. A lone heart pirate. Where's your Captain dolly?” Turning your eyes, your met with a trio of men standing next to you.

“None of your business. And don’t call me that.” What you could only assume is the leader started snickering before slamming his hand down next to you on the bar top.

“Your Captain and crew destroyed our ship, completely destroying our lives. But now that your here and alone, I think a small revenge message would be sent if you go back to your captain in pieces, right boys?” The two other men laugh, and you notice knives shining out of their pockets.

“I’m not drunk enough to deal with you. You want to go fight my Captain? Go for it. He’s on the island somewhere. Attacking me isn’t gonna do a damn thing.” Taking a hard swig of the alcohol of your glass, you’ve emptied it before you know it. You signal the bartender for another one, knowing that it isn’t gonna be near enough if you are dealing with even more annoyances.

“We know we stand no chance against the ‘Surgeon of Death’ woman. Which is what makes you the perfect message carrier for your Captain to know what happens when you mess with the Rubber Pirates!” You couldn’t help the laugh that escapes you upon hearing their names.

“Rubber Pirates? That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard. So stupid that I don’t even remember destroying their ship. I say we did you a favor.” You down your next glass like a champ and, once again, motion for another one. The sound of the liquor-filled glass had you slightly lip your lips. Before you could take another sip, the man grabs yoru forearm and pulls you to your feet.

“Don’t you dare laugh bitch!”

“Oh, I’m laughing, alright.” The man gripped you tighter before pulling out a small blade.

“I’m gonna cut out your tongue!” Grabbing one of the many empty glasses on the counter, you bash it against the man's head at full force. The glass broke against his head, leading the man to fall to the floor like a doll.

“Who do you think you are?!” His two goons yell at you before charging at you with knives as well. Reaching behind your back, you grab another empty glass. One of the men swiped at you, and you once again quickly bash the glass against his skull. Knocking him to the floor and landing in the already shattered glass mess.

The last man almost got you, but you managed to hit his face with the next fresh glass of alcohol. The liquid splashed everywhere on his clothes and on the ground. The floor turned slippery as he fell on top of his incapacitated buddies. With an annoyed huff and noticing everyone staring at you, you talk to the spectators.

“Anybody else wants to bother me for no fucking reason?” The room was silent, which you took for a no.

“Good now go back to drinking and pretend this never happened.” You turn around to sit back down on the bar top. You grab some berri’s and give them to the bartender.

“Here’s for the broken glass. I’m still not drunk enough, so keep those drinks coming.” Getting in a bar fight was something you weren’t planning on doing. You just wanted some drinks and to go home.

“What shitty pirates they are if a single girl can take them out.” A gruff voice said next to you. Furrowing your brows, you snap your head towards the voice, only to be speechless.

“Holy shit.” Your eyes widen when you see the most wanted new-gen pirate sitting next to you. All the stories you’ve heard about him show their worth.

“What? Scared?” Quickly pulling yourself together, you answer.

“Maybe a little. It’s not everyday you see the infamous Eustass ‘Captain’ Kid sitting next to you.” A small chuckle leaves your lips, and it pulls one from his in return.

“What’s a heart pirate doing by herself drinking in a dingy bar?” You knew that he was bad news. That you shouldn’t talk to a rival Captain. Especially with someone as strong as Eustass Kid. But who’s gonna stop you? Plus, the effects of the alcohol you’ve been consuming have finally started to take its toll.

“Drinking away my frustrations and problems. What about you, Captain? What’s the infamous Captain Kid doing in such a bar?”

“Passing time till it’s time to head back to my ship and get into the New World.” Ah. The New World. A place where you’ve heard countless stories of beasts, crazy islands, and weather. Insanity that only the strong survive.

“Same for us, I'm sure. It’s a little nerve-racking. Hearing all the stories about it. But you only live once, right?”

“Exactly. Which is why I’m going to be King of the Pirates and obtain the One Piece! And I’ll kill anyone who stands in my way.”

“Sounds on brand. I’ll cheer for you. How's that?”

“What? No faith in your Captain?” Kidd’s laughter was slightly contagious as it made you laugh while drinking.

“My Captain gets my faith when he stops acting like a jackass.”

“You know, some would call that mutiny.”

“Some may call it a mutiny. I call it losing faith in a relationship.”

“Surgeon of Death ain’t a good boyfriend? Go figures.”

“That is what lead me to this dingy ass bar. Got into another fight with him and now I’m here. Can say I haven’t drank this much since my last relationship.” You take another big gulp of alcohol before sighing.

“I just don’t fucking understand. What’s the point of being together if all that bastard does is push me away! If he wants to break up with me, he should just be a man and do so! I’m a grown woman; I can handle it.” The feelings of anger and hurt soon started bubbling up, and before you knew it, you're spilling your problems to a man you don’t know.

“Doesn’t fucking help that when I want to, I can’t even escape him when we're stuck on a ship together! This is the first time in two weeks that I’ve actually been on land and seen the sky.” You grumbled while finishing your drink.

“Tell you what, Heart Pirate, how bout you come join me and my crew to check out the auction house. I’m feeling charitable, so I’ll take pity on your sorry ass to get your mind off your shithead Captain.” A small part of you told you it was a terrible idea. Going alone with a rival pirate group? Yet, the sound of just being near other people sounded too good to pass up. Even if the offer was worded horribly.

“Sounds like a deal I’m willing to take. Lead the way, Captain.”

~~~

“What’s the point in being here again? I’m confused.” Bepo’s hushed words to Shachi didn’t go unnoticed by Law but he decided to not comment. He originally just wanted to see what it was about but as time grew on, he couldn’t help but have his thought travel back to you.

Scenes of the two of you just doing mundane things played through his head, and had a small smile tugging at his lips. When the two of you would speak over some coffee or simply sitting in the same room was nice. It didn’t need to be a big thing. Just your company was enough for him.

Yet he pushed you away once again by making you stay back on the ship. Even if he wanted you safe, no place was 100% safe on Sabaody. Not with Marine headquarters being so close. And knowing that, had him fearing for you and the crew’s safety.

Just then, your laugh trickled into his eats as looked around the room, trying to pinpoint where it was coming from. Once seeing nothing, he realized it’s probably just his conscious making him feel guilty for leaving you behind. It wouldn’t be the first time your voice haunted his thoughts after he pushed you away. The guilt always kills him, but it’s easier to keep you at a distance. It wasn’t fair to you that he knew. One moment holding you close then the next pushing you away.

Suddenly, your laughter filled his ears once again. It sounded too real to be in his head this time. But why would you be here? A million places on the archipelago, and you managed to make it to the auction house? Not to mention you were supposed to be back on the Polar Tang. So when Law turned his head towards the entrance, his eyes went wide seeing you standing next to Eustass ‘Captain’ Kid giggling.

What the fuck were you doing next to him?

“I can’t believe how you didn’t get tetanus! Any other death-defying childhood stories, Kid?” The sound of you calling him by his name had Law gritting his teeth. Since when did you get so close to the red-headed brute?

Law watched you and Kid continue talking and laughing. His fists clutched tightly when he saw Kid pull you closer and put his hand on your hip. Red plagued Law’s vision when he saw Kid smirk at him when he noticed the doctor’s vicious staring. The final straw was when the man made a sexual innuendo towards you when you weren’t looking while looking at Law with mocking eyes.

Standing up, Law marches towards you with a threatening aura surrounding him. You didn’t have the chance to say anything before Law grabbed your wrists and pulled you through the entrance before stopping just before reaching the outside.

“(Y/N)-ya, what the fuck are you doing away from the sub? And what are you doing next to Eustass-ya?” Rage dripped from Law’s words, but you paid no mind to it.

“Captain! What are you doing here?” The overwhelming smell of booze finally hit his nose as he heard your slurred speech.

“Are you drunk right now?!” Your giggling told him everything he needed to know. How much you had was up in the air as he saw you stumbling and struggling to stay on your feet.

“Pfft, since when does that matter? I’m speaking, aren’t I?” Law grabbed your forearms and held you in place, his eyes staring directly into your own.

“Don’t you know how irresponsible your being?! Drinking in this dangerous place and not to mention with Eustass Kid!” Your giggles soon stopped as you stared at Law with a sharp glare.

“Oh, cut me the crap. Since when do you care? It’s not like I’m that important enough for you to care. Plus! I was just talking to the man, and he seems to be just fine to me!” Law could hear an almost silent tremble in your voice as you spoke to him.

“If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be reprimanding you!”

“You sure have a funny way of showing it. Cause I could have sworn you were only Captain to me. Funny how I can call the most infamous new gen pirate by his name, but I can’t call my own boyfriend by his name!” His conversation with you earlier popped back into his mind.

“I was…upset, alright?!” You threw Law’s hands off you as you stumble back, a small hiccup forming in the back of your throat.

“Oh, so you can take it out on me then? Sounds like a healthy relationship.”

“Listen, I’m sorry, okay?! Happy?”

“No! I’m not! I don’t know what you think gives you the right to police what I do when you’ve shown time and time again to give a shit less about me! I’ve talked to Kid more than I’ve talked to you all month, probably!” Law rubbed his eyes as he tried to talk you through your drunken state.

“I don’t want to hear anything more about that hot-headed idiot, alright! God, how many drinks have you had?” He could feel his blood freeze when he saw you using your fingers to count the amount of drinks you’ve consumed.

“So if I had four this morning…and seven not too long ago…-”

“You’ve had eleven drinks today?! It’s not even three pm! Are you trying to drink yourself to death?!”

“Maybe I am huh? Ever think about that?!” A cold quiet settled between the two of you as Law watched tears finally fall from your eyes as hiccups left your throat. He could feel his heart twist and turn with each tear that slipped down your cheeks.

“What’s the point in anything if I cause so much trouble that my own ‘boyfriend’ ignores me for something I don’t know I’ve done! What’s the point in getting help if I just fall back into addiction, only harder?! I’m tired of all the pitiful looks I get from the crew when I walk away in tears after a fight! Sick of getting looks when I enter the kitchen! I know I’ve got problems, but it's hard to solve them when the whole world fights against me!” The man stood quiet as he listened to you.

“I’m not that strong, alright?! I’m not strong enough to just shrug off your words and actions! I’m not you, okay?! I can’t get over my problems by dismissing it! I can’t solve my problems by myself, and that’s what I feel when I’m near you! I feel alone! I…” Your sobs soon echoed in the hallway as your uniform started catching your tears. Law could only stand still as he felt frozen, your confession ripping him to shreds.

“I’m not strong enough to be alone…”

“(Y/N)...I-”

“Don’t. I-I think it’s best if we go back to the way things were. Your my Captain, and I’m just the crewmate who can’t get her shit togther. I’ll met you back at the ship Captain.” Turning around to leave, Law finally moves to grab your hand before you could walk away.

“Your not alone! I’m here alright! Let’s get you some water to sober you up so we can talk rationally okay? You shouldn’t be alone right now okay?! Your not! I’m right here so let’s just-” Tugging your hand from Law’s grip, you look at him with hot tears slipping down your cheeks.

“Even with you ‘by my side’ I'll always be alone.”

[thebibliosphere]

just wanted to wish you luck with the emdr! it worked great for me despite being self-administered (not recommended, but nhs waiting lists)

Thank you. I've done EMDR for the Other Horrors in my life, and it works well for me (even if it's harrowing to begin with).

I'm pairing it with somatic movement therapy because part of my trauma/masking response is to completely freeze up internally while pretending to be completely fine outwardly.

(can't show emotion! my emotions are Too Big, and that makes me Annoying for others to be around, so I will simply not experience them. I'm sure this is totally fine and will have no lasting repercussions on my mental and physical health ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ… oh what's this? it's multiple immune disorders coming in with steel chairs!!!)

So, I'm learning to flail around to give my body something to do with all the adrenaline after EMDR sessions. Weirdly, that's almost harder than the actual EMDR.

There's something weirdly visceral about Kermit flailing to music in front of your therapist 😅

[grandeoatmilklatte]

Fellow oat-and-omi-lover,

I have a request. It's loosely thought out and entirely up to you for interpretation.

But basically, I'd love to see a very touch-starved Ominis (you know, never been hugged or kissed in his family, the other students are wary of him, his only touchy friend was Sebastian and that's gotten tense recently) with a touch-shy MC.

Ominis is so tactile, and his main experience with close friends (the twins) is something MC is just... incredibly skittish about for whatever reason. Like he grew up having them grab his hand or sling an arm around his shoulder or greeted him with hugs, and now he's just got this singular friend available to him and there's so much adjustment on both sides???

He takes their hand to show them something, and they just freeze or startle or something? And somehow, this is reconciled? I'm a sucker for romance as well.

I DON'T KNOW!

Basically touchy Omi and big personal space bubble MC in whatever capacity strikes you.

Maybe.

If you want!

I love you, and thank you for reading my request. 😭💖

@applinsandoranges my love!! I tweaked your idea a bit and turned touchy Omi and touch nervous MC into a brand new couple and made this short little one shot from there! I hope I made you proud!

Getting To Know You In A New Way ❤️ - (Ominis Gaunt x F!MC)

Warnings: Fluff! || Slight NSFW (brief mention of touching) || mention of Sebastian slipping Ominis some liquid courage potion to ask a girl out || characters are 18 and in their seventh year || implications of trauma || aversion to touch || some negative self talk from MC || (1346 words)

Ominis loved everything about his girlfriend. He loved her from the moment he met her in fifth year, long before she even was his girlfriend. Her kind and gentle nature towards him, despite his lineage, and her alignment with wanting to pull Sebastian away from the Dark Arts drew him to her. As time went on, his love for her only grew stronger, reaching a peak during the first week of their seventh year. After being slipped some liquid courage in his morning tea, courtesy of Sebastian, the boy confessed his feelings for the girl, feelings which were thankfully returned by her. After years of pining, they were finally a couple, and he loved everything about her. But there was one small problem.

Early on in the relationship, Ominis discovered she had a severe aversion to being touched, something he somehow never picked up on in their time as friends. Her aversion was so severe that he wasn’t even allowed to hold her hand for more than a few minutes before she’d pull away, although she did allow him to kiss her, but only with brief pecks on her lips. 

It wasn’t a matter of her being ashamed of Ominis, this theory being easily debunked by the way she gushed about “my boyfriend, Omins” to anyone who would listen, their frequent dates, and her general love of being in his presence. She was just exclusively afraid of physical contact. Ominis never pushed for an explanation, feeling like it was still too early in the relationship to do so. Although he knew from the early days of their friendship that she didn’t have the best upbringing, growing up in an unaffectionate home, something Ominis was all too familiar with. 

Her aversion to touch created some difficulties for Ominis, his own love language being physical touch. He was desperate to feel the skin he couldn’t see, to know her in a new way, and he cursed anyone and everything that hurt her in life that created this trauma response. But nevertheless, he accepted her fully, never pressuring her, or touching her without her consent, hoping that there would come a day where his love and support could heal her. 

—

It had been a particularly rough week for the two of them, having been partnered and assigned an enormous project for their History of Magic class. They had spent countless hours in the library working on this project, and were incredibly nervous about their grade, grades being exceptionally important in their final year of school. Upon receiving their project back, they refrained from checking their grade until they had a moment alone together in The Undercroft, wanting to either celebrate their passing grade together or wallow in sorrow at their failing grade together. When they opened their stack of parchments to see a passing score, she pulled Ominis into a rare, but absolutely welcomed embrace. Ominis inhaled deeply, the smell of her hair flooding his nose and making his heart flutter. He felt her body begin to pull away, wishing the moment could have been longer. But as soon as she pulled away, she leaned right back in, hands coming up to hold his face as she kissed him. 

When she didn’t immediately pull away, Ominis kissed her back, deepening the kiss, but reminding himself to keep his hands away from her. His mind was racing, reveling in the intimacy. But his thoughts were halted and his mind went completely blank when she slowly worked her tongue past his lips. Ominis had completely forgotten his note to self, bringing his hands to rest on her hips as his tongue mingled with hers. She let out a squeak against his lips, but continued to kiss him for another few seconds before she quickly pulled away from Ominis, breathing heavily as she caught her breath.

“I…I’m so sorry…” Her voice was small and sad, and it was clear to Ominis that she was on the verge of tears. He couldn’t make sense of her sadness, realizing that he should be the one apologizing, not her. 

“No, darling, I’m sorry. I know you don’t like to be touched. I got carried away. It won’t-”

“No. It’s not you, it's me. I’m sorry I’m such an awful girlfriend. My boyfriend can’t even hold me without me panicking.” she had begun to cry, Ominis hearing the breaks in her words. “You deserve better than me. I’m so sorry.”

Ominis’s body reacted almost involuntarily as he immediately pulled her into his arms. He stroked her hair as he spoke, his heart shattering at her words.

“You are not an awful girlfriend. At all. Please don’t ever say that again. I love you, and it hurts to hear you say such things about yourself. Come, sit with me.”

Ominis led her over to the sofa they had placed in the corner of The Undercroft some time ago. He took hold of her hands once they were seated and he continued. 

“I know physical touch is hard for you. You grew up in a loveless home. I did too. Physical touch made me feel vulnerable, as I imagine it does for you as well. It used to scare me too. But once I got to Hogwarts and found myself with friends who love me, affection was no longer scary. I don’t want you to be afraid of affection. I want to help you heal from your pain. I want you to realize that you are worthy of love, and I want to be the one to love you. And, if I’m being honest, I would love nothing more than to be able to touch you, to feel you, to know your entire body inside and out. But I can be patient until you’re ready. Your comfort matters more to me than anything.”

Her tears were falling even harder now, but they were no longer tears of sadness. “Oh Ominis! What did I do to deserve a boyfriend as kind and understanding as you? I know I haven’t made things easy for you. I know it’s hard to not be able to touch me, especially with you not being able to see. But I want to get over this fear I have. I want to overcome this trauma, and I want to do it with your help. I love you, Ominis.”

She pulled him into another kiss, this kiss being softer than the first. Without breaking the kiss, she moved Ominis’s hands so that they could be wrapped around her waist before bringing her own arms around his neck. He could feel the tension melting from her body as they kissed. Already she was welcoming the idea of a more physical relationship with him. 

In a move that took Ominis by surprise, she began to lay back on to the couch, pulling Ominis down with her until he was lying on top of her. He had a moment of panic, unsure what to do, but as she began to kiss him with more passion in this new position, Ominis became the one with the tension melting from his body, adjusting so that they were both lying comfortably on the couch. 

Ominis slowly ran his hands up and down her arms, familiarizing himself with her skin, goosebumps forming in the wake of his touch. He then brought his hand up, his fingertips grazing her neck, which earned himself a soft moan. Finally, his hand came up to her cheek, stroking it with his thumb. Reluctantly, he pulled his lips away from hers to catch his breath, his thumb still stroking her cheek.

“That wasn’t so bad!” she said breathlessly. “I think I really like it when you touch me. I can’t wait for you to touch me more!”

There was a hint of sultriness to her words, which sent a tingle through Ominis’s body. He ignored it, knowing that there would be plenty of time to touch her that way later. For now, he was excited to get to know the love of his life in a new way.

[adventuringblind]

A Little Sick

Carlos Sainz Jr. x Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Sick fic

Summary: Carlos' struggle to take care of his girlfriend who's both sick and regressed. Lucky for him, he knows how to get her to nap.

Warnings: Agere/age-regression, non-sexual ageplay, non-sexual use of daddy, sinus infection, fear of doctors, mentions of past trauma

Notes: Haven't written for Carlos in so long T_T

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

Carlos knew the second he heard sniffling that something wasn't right. The way fatigue seems to drip from his lover didn't go unnoticed.

The problem is that was two weeks ago. She'd claimed allergies or a minor cold. Her disgust at anything having to do with sickness and doctors showing through her lack of acceptance.

Carlos has half a mind to just lay on top of her and force her to rest. Alternatively, if he could get her to regress, this would be immesley easier.

He can see her forcing herself not to. The delicate line between headspace getting blurrier with each day.

It's when she wakes up in tears, the Carlos knows something has to be done.

"Princessa?" He rolls her over and bundles her up into his arms. Her entire body is on fire and when he touches her face, she wails in pain. "We should go see a doctor, amor."

She's non-verbal all morning, trying desperately not to slip in headspace. Until Carlos finally take the initiative. He hates doing this, but he's been doing this long enough to see when she needs to slip and let Carlos take care of her.

Carlos starts small by picking out her clothes. Comfortable, obviously, since they are just going to the doctor. Then he puts her shoes on for her and ties the laces. By the time he's done, he can see the look in her eyes. The one that aches with the need for comfort. Desperate to not face the object of her nightmares.

Carlos grabs her comfort item and places it gently into her hands. He kneels down in front of her. "I won't leave you alone, okay? I'll be with you the entire time. Can you be brave for me?" She gives him a shy nod in response.

Carlos gets her into the car and buckles her seatbelt for her. He turns on soft music and she bobs her head along to the words. He coos at her with how adorable she looks at the moment.

She freezes up the second he pulls into the parking lot. The fear in her eyes says everything. She's on the verge of a breakdown, but Carlos is there to calm her. He holds her hand and helps her breathe before helping her out of the car.

He manages getting her checked in since she's still non-verbal and on the verge of tears. Eyes glassy with terror over being in the place she despises.

Carlos runs his fingers along her spine. "You're doing so good, carina."

She freezes when her name is called. Her body trembling in fear and squeezing the life out of Carlos' hand with her own. He swiftly wraps an arm around her and whispers into her ear some reassurance.

She doesn't say a word to the doctor, only watches him with suspicion. He ends up prescribing antibiotics and sending them on their way.

She wails the second they are in the safety of the car. All the nerves she'd been biting back finally able to burst free of their confines. Carlos has to get her to breathe. The hyperventilation nearly making her sick. He doesn't let go of her hand the entire way home.

He carries her inside, still sniffling from the overwhelming emotions from earlier. Carlos feels awful for having to put her through such a thing. The fact he knows full well why she hates it making it even harder to do.

He settles her on the couch. One he can see her from despite being in the kitchen and hastily throwing together soup. The television is playing her movie of choice. The background noise has become soothing to both of them.

He ends up having to feed her the soup himself. Not that he minds, it just means having to change her clothes afterwards. Which is no easy task considering she's deadweight in his arms. On purpose, mind you, but she's giggling about it, so Carlos makes no complaint.

Carlos puts the movie back on afterwards. Her head resting on his lap as she curls up on the couch. The mountain of blankets obscuring her body and stuffed animals she dutifully brough with her.

"I did good, papá?" Her squeaky voice carries from where the blankets muffle it.

Carlos keeps a steady rhythm, fingers running against her scalp in a comforting manor. The repetition has always put her to sleep within minutes. "The best, amor. Sleep now, the more you rest the sooner you'll get better." Ke kisses her forehead. Her eye's drifting off into a peaceful slumber.

[cherrryxx]

“Did you get enough love, my little dove why do you cry?”

(Song: Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens)

M!reader goes to OP boys for comfort after being scared from a thunderstorm.

Including: Law, Shanks, Mihawk

Warnings: mild angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, DOMESTIC FLUFF(!!), implied trauma, reader has cptsd/ptsd, reader is part of Law/Shanks crew (Shares castle with Mihawk), can be read as romantic or platonic!!, also y/n is used once or twice sooo

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

TRAFALGAR LAW

You jumped out of your bed, startled by the loud rumbling. Despite being underwater in a sub, the sound of the threatening thunder was still potent. You shivered under your covers, loud noises were always upsetting to you, but thunderstorms were the worst.

Getting out of your bunk, you crept across the quiet and empty halls, it seemed everyone else was asleep. You started towards the kitchen, hoping to get a calming cup of tea, when another crack of thunder shakes the sub.

You fall to the floor covering your ears. You lay there for a few minutes before the sound of footsteps makes you lift your head.

“What are you doing?”

Law looks down at you on the floor, with a mild look of disdain.

Quickly getting up you brush yourself off, “It’s nothing, I just… tripped.” You lie poorly.

Law gives you a look as if he didn’t feel like questioning you at the moment, “Alright,” he sighs, “You heading to the kitchen?”

You nod as you awkwardly to walk to the pantry, inspecting the shelves for the small tin of dried leaves. Shit. There’s no more tea.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, you turn around.

KRRRRKKKK

You quickly dodge under the table as the sub shakes again. You squeeze your eyes shut and try to calm your breathing as your panic nearly grabs ahold of you.

You see Law’s legs appear beside the table and he peers down at you, dark eyes inspecting your face.

“I thought you said nothing was wrong? Don’t lie to me, I’m a doctor, and I can very well see that something isn’t right with you.”

He said flatly. You nod and shakily get up from under the table.

“ m’ sorry.” You mutter, “I just… really hate thunderstorms. The noise…” you trail off.

Law gives you a look of sympathy, “I can see that.” He comments.

He pauses for a moment.

“Do you want to sleep in my room?”

You look at him, unsure if you heard him correctly, “What?”

Law sighs, “I said, ‘do you want to sleep in my room?’”

You sit for a moment, registering his offer, and nod slightly.

Law pats your shoulder and gestures for you to follow him. You’ve never been to his room so it felt odd entering it, especially in theses circumstances.

“I don’t bite.” Law says as he lays flat on his back, pulling his cap over his eyes, “C’mere.” He pats the bed next to him gently.

You lay awkwardly in the bed next to him. It did feel much better. Being next to someone helped a lot.

As you start to drift off to sleep, Law pulls the blanket up to your shoulder and pats your back gently. The motions are as comforting as they are soothing.

“Thank you.” You whisper quietly.

Law grunts in response, letting out a yawn as he rolls to his side, falling into his own sleepiness.

Through the night you end up closer to Law, and he lazily throws an arm over you, snoring gently.

The thunderstorm didn’t scare you anymore, as the safety of your captain’s blankets and kindness kept you safe.

SHANKS

You stumble across the rocking deck, struggling to keep your balance as you shakily dodge into the nearest bunk.

You were shivering and wet, having the appearance of a ‘soggy cat’; as your cocky captain would often tell you.

You sneeze and start to disrobe your wet clothes when a deep rumble echos through the air. Freezing in fear, you stare with wide eyes through the ship’s window into the cascading sea.

You were well aware of the grand line’s unpredictable weather, but it didn’t change how much you loathed thunder. The loud cracking would leave you shaking on the floor in fear at best, and panic attacks at the worst.

You only managed to get your pants barely on, just before another, louder, crack of thunder resonated through the air.

Letting out a gasp of fear you dive into the nearest bed, clamping a pillow over your head.

There’s a creaking and a sound of louder rainfall as the door opens and closes again.

“What’s this?”

It was the voice of your captain, Shanks.

He lifts the blanket over you and smirks down, “Hello there.” But once he sees your panicked state his face quickly changes to sympathy and worry.

He wraps his arm over your shoulder and gently pulls your clammy form to a sitting position.

“Hey hey, tell me what’s wrong?”

Shanks rubs your shoulder soothingly.

“I’m sorry, I’m so pathetic.” You wipe away the forming tears from the corner of your eyes, “I’m a pirate on the grand line and I can’t even tolerate the sound of thunder.” Your voice cracked slightly.

Shanks smiled comfortingly, “Everyone has things that may seem like a silly fear, but I know you’re not a coward. After all, you’re still here aren’t you?”

He pats your back, “Just because things from the past bite you in the ass sometimes doesn’t make you weak. It is better to learn to work past that, but those things take time.”

Using his arm he pulls your face to his shoulder, “C’mon, you can stay with me tonight if it will help.”

Shanks rubs your head gently as you nod in agreement. Waiting for the storm to calm, he takes you through the lower deck to his room.

By now you felt much calmer, and much more secure from Shanks’s reassurance. You’ve had to share a room and bed with the red hair pirate before, so you didn’t feel too out of place laying down next to your captain.

Shanks grabs your arm and tugs you over to his side of the bed, making sure you were still comfortable.

You could hear him start to snore rather quickly, and despite its annoying sound, you fell asleep soon after. Your brow resting against his collarbone as you nodded off to sleep.

MIHAWK

You sat in the library, silently reading a novel you had recently taken interest in, when there was the sound of a deep rumble from the sky.

Getting up quickly, you look outside the large window to see a large, quickly approaching, storm-cloud. You let out a soft sigh and start to walk to the inner castle, you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle the noise or shaking that close to the exterior.

On your way to the sitting room, you bump into Mihawk.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You say quickly to the hawk-eyed man.

“No troubles, where are you heading off to in such a hurry?”

Mihawk’s penetrating eyes gazed at you while he talked, as if he were trying to read your deepest thoughts.

“Nothing important, I’m just not fond of thunderstorms so I try to stay in the center of the castle.” You try to explain dismissively.

Mihawk lets out a questing sigh as he looks to you, “I suppose that makes sense, allow me to join you?”

You hesitate, but accept his invitation as he follows you to the sitting room.

You let out a soft sigh as you lean back and close your eyes in a plush chair close to the warm fire. Thunder booms through the castles stone halls and you flinch slightly, opening an eye as if you were checking for danger.

Mihawk takes notice and watches you curiously and silently.

“It’s rather late.” He comments nonchalantly, “It would be beneficial to both of us to begin preparing for bed now.”

You clam up a bit, not enthused by the idea of being alone in the loud and boisterous storm.

“Well, it seems a bit early to bed.”

You try to say as convincingly but leisurely as possible.

Mihawk’s golden eyes roll over to you, inspecting your mannerisms and expression. “Hmmm.” He hums.

“Or is it that you don’t want me to go and leave you alone?”

Crap, he really could read minds. You look away, slightly ashamed.

“Storms aren’t so bad… but they feel worse when I’m alone.” You whisper quietly.

The dark haired man looks at you inquisitively, “Well, just say that first next time.”

He waves a hand dismissively.

“You can bed with me tonight if it helps.”

You stare at the swordsman, registering his words. To say something like that seemed unlike him, but at the same time… very much like him.

“Alright. I wouldn’t want to disturb you though, I don’t see how it’s your issue.” You say softly.

Mihawk scoffs, “What kind of a man would I be If I carried no compassion for someone I share my home with?”

You hold in a laugh and follow the warlord to his room.

You’ve been in Mihawk’s rooms before occasionally, it had rich red fabrics and was filled with bookshelves of trinkets and treasures. Additionally, a large stand for Yoru to rest upon sat on an especially sturdy shelf.

Mihawk seemed to sleep in clothes just as extravagant or fancy looking as his day clothes. He gave you an odd look as you stood awkwardly beside the large bed.

“Well? Are you sleeping or not?”

He asks, opening a book as he sits back on the bed, reading.

You carefully settle onto the bed next to him while Mihawk quietly reads his book. It was comforting, he didn’t have to say anything but you could feel his sympathy off of his actions alone.

Closing your eyes, you feel a hand rest gently on your head.

“Sleep well, darling.”

[strangeshoepatrolbandit]

Found you again.

Leon S Kennedy x GN!Reader

Summary: After being saved by Leon in Spain, you find him again eight months later at a coffee shop.

Warnings: RE4R content, mentions impalement, mentions a therapist, and having a spotty memory, mentions government officials.

D/O = Drink Order.

~☆~

It was insane. After being trapped in Valdelobos for days and fighting to the brink of death, you were just told to go back home and live life like you did before the incident.

You were guided away from Leon and Ashley to fill in a report about what had happened, and the truth is, you didn't even know. You had no memory of how you got there or what you were doing there, something your therapist says is a trauma response.

All you know is that Leon had saved you from almost getting impaled by a pitchfork that a villager was holding. Then you joined him on a hunt to retrieve the presidents daughter, Ashley.

You remember the way that Leon reassuringly held you to his side by settling an arm around your waist. And how you begged him not to let you go when authorities wanted to take you in for questioning. He ended up having to hesitantly let you go anyway, promising that he would see you again.

Eight months later and you still haven't seen him. That is until you walked into your local coffee shop and noticed a familiar head of blonde hair attached to a familiar looking person. You couldn't deny that the feeling of hope that it could be him was the best thing you have felt in months. Slowly, you walked over to the booth he was in.

"Leon?" You spoke, still unsure if it could be him.

The man turned to look at you, shock evident on his face. "Y/N." He whispered.

"Hey, it's so nice to see you." You smiled down at him. He looks much better than he did in Valdelobos. He was clean and not sporting his usual furrowed eyebrow look.

He stared at you for a few seconds before speaking. "Yeah, it's nice to see you too. Uh, would you like to sit?"

You let out a small giggle before sitting down across from him. "Thank you."

"No problem."

You looked down at the table, there were papers with his writing all over them, and a closed laptop discarded to the side. "You workin'?"

Leon quickly looked back down at his papers and started putting them all in a pile. "Trying to get a vacation."

"Lord knows you need one." You mumbled.

"Uh, let me buy you a coffee." Leon offered.

"No, it's okay, you don't have to." You tried not to get him to spend his money on you.

"I want to." He smiled at you, a genuine smile that made you freeze and slowly nod your head. He had offered you tiny little ghosts of a smile back in Spain, not once has he smiled at you like that. If he continued to do it, you would probably do anything he asked.

Leon stood up from the booth, looking down at you. "What would you like?"

"Oh, um, D/O."

He smiled down at you one more time. "Alright, one coffee coming right up."

You watched as he walked over to the counter, stopping once he was finally talking to the barista. As he stood there waiting for your order, you decided to look out of the window next to you, not wanting him to catch you staring.

Subconsciously, you let a smile spread on your face. It was nice to finally see him again. You had been worried about him ever since you were put onto a plane back to your home without any word from or about him.

"What are you smiling about?" Leon asked as he set your drink on the table, sitting down immediately afterward.

"It's just nice to see you again, Leon." You admitted. "At least this time, we aren't getting axes thrown in our face by mind controlled freaks."

Leon stared at you for a few seconds before letting a small chuckle fall from his lips. "That was the worst part for you?"

You laughed at his words.

"How have you been?" You asked him, genuinely curious.

Leon watched as you took a sip from your drink before finding something to say. "I've been....well, I've been."

"Don't I know it." You sighed before chuckling.

"Sorry for not finding you before they brought you home." His eyes looked at anything but you.

You moved a hand to rest on his own, snapping him out of his thoughts. "It's okay, I was worried about you, but I was also in a happy to finally get back."

Leon turned his hand over, now holding your hand in his own. "I was worried too."

"You were worried? Leon Kennedy was worried about me?" You smiled at him, an act that he bashfully returned.

"Of course." He whispered, staring into your eyes.

A ringing erupted from Leon's phone, alerting both of you and forcing him to pull his hand away.

"Thank you for the coffee. It would be wonderful to see you again." You rushed out, reaching over to his side of the table to grab the pen he was writing with earlier and putting your phone number on a napkin. "Goodbye, Leon."

You got up from your seat and pressed a kiss to his cheek, quickly running out of the coffee shop afterward. Causing a wide-eyed Leon to turn and watch you run away, leaving his grasp once again. His phone was long forgotten because his mind was stuck on you... At least this time, he had a way to find you.

~☆~

Google says that the "Rural Village" Re4 took place in was called Valdelobos... I know a lot of people call it Las Plagas, and if it's that big of a deal, I can change it..

[spockandawe]

You know what I can't get enough of? Speculation about what the fictional novel Proud Immortal Demon Way says about its fictional author. Because it would be completely possible to make a story like this without that connection. I'm not sure I've read any other transmigration story where the author was a character, so just that addition adds a lot of interesting texture to the situation even without getting deep in the author's head, but it's so interesting how deep I can speculate in so many directions if I think about getting in his head.

And oh man, I could talk for AGES about how Shang Qinghua and his iconic protagonist reflect each other, but a lot of people have written about that already! Including in the medium of fic, which is my favorite way to consume that kind of crunch. So let's talk about familial neglect and mistreatment and the author's favorite character.

Honestly, when I look at how iconic this ship is, I'm astonished there aren't more hit novels where the author gets yeeted into their own book and has to navigate platonic or romantic relationships with their own characters. A lot of the parallels between Shang Qinghua and Luo Binghe are about them being alike in ugly and vulnerable ways, ways I don't think either of them likes about themselves, and regarding aspects of their personalities that I don't think they'd be happy discussing period. Like, Binghe very much hates himself, that's right there on the page. And Shang Qinghua is a ridiculous character, he's very funny, but he's also not stupid. He's very aware of who he is and what he is, and makes a decision to behave the ways he does. I'm typing this up because I was scrolling through an old chat looking for something and tripped across a conversation about shang qinghua and fawn trauma response.

He knows he does this thing! He has an easy opening to turbokill Mobei-jun while he's unconscious and decides to go the route of begging for his life and trying to ingratiate himself after Mobei-jun wakes up instead, which is a much trickier process. He says it himself, that Mobei-jun is his ideal, that he embodies everything Shang Qinghua wants to be, that etc. And that's hilarious and all, especially in light of the eventual romance and the clownery it takes to get there, but in classic svsss fashion, it also becomes a lot sadder when you add up all the pieces and see everything Shang Qinghua hates about himself.

In some ways he's an even more avoidant narrator than Shen Qingqiu, he deflects and jokes like a motherfucker, so it really is a matter of assembling all the pieces and seeing where there are gaps. But what really underscored the connection for me was Mobei-jun's reaction to parental neglect. Because that's what pushed Shang Qinghua into being an author in the first place, his parents divorced and remarried and kinda just.... forgot about him.

Mobei-jun's dad doesn't exactly do that, but he is operating without a mom in the picture, and rather than remarrying, he just chooses to ignore the thing where his shitty brother is persistently trying to kill his son. That really sucks! But Mobei-jun never shows the smallest hint of weakness or vulnerability over this, even when it would have really helped to use his words, like 'hi my uncle is coming to kill me and i trust you to protect me.' He's everything cool, aloof, arrogant, proud, all a bunch of adjectives that really do not apply to Shang Qinghua. Mobei-jun honestly looks like a boring character if you just stick to the main story, because he's so self-contained and controlled. Compare and contrast to Shang Qinghua, who accidentally outs himself as a transmigrator like two minutes after showing up and proceeds to be hilarious for the rest of the book.

(Brief aside to say that I don't think Mobei-jun is necessarily a happier or healthier person for all of this, lmao. The conversation that fawn reaction thing came from was talking about freeze (tee hee) versus fawn in response to threats or stressful situations. But that goes along with the svsss theme of people used to engaging with this universe as a fictional property coming to terms with the depth and complexity of other people's emotions and not just seeing them as simplistic not-real characters in a book)

(Additionally, this makes the ship hilarious as a take on 'opposites attract,' but also it gives me actual Emotions that Shang Qinghua's ideal who he wishes he could be, purely incidentally, he is able to value and love Shang Qinghua in a way that Shang Qinghua can't and doesn't seem to totally understand)

And what's very interesting here. Is that Shang Qinghua made these two characters, Luo Binghe and Mobei-jun. His protagonist ultimately reflects a lot of his own vulnerabilities and insecurities (secretly and quietly in pidw, much more.... overtly in svsss), and Mobei-jun corrects for his vulnerabilities and insecurities. He's the person Shang Qinghua wishes he could be, which is basically... the opposite of Shang Qinghua, to an almost comical degree. And he then gives Mobei-jun the VERY BEST plot armor he can devise. It's hard for a male character to exist near a stallion protagonist without getting swept up in rivalries/suspicions/etc and getting killed by the protagonist, but he makes sure that his favorite character is safe from these things. He's protecting the character he wishes he could be from the character whose faults most reflect his own. That is very sweet and weird and sad, and that's very reflective of the svsss experience, I think.

[tommysversion]

Breathe Through It (Joel Miller x Reader)

Summary: you have a panic attack. Joel helps.

CWs: Descriptions of mental health conditions (namely PTSD, but can be read as any anxiety based disorder with panic attacks) / graphic description of a panic attack / some adult language/ references to past trauma (nothing explicitly described but inferred).

Notes: This is entirely self indulgent, I have pretty severe PTSD and this is the coping mechanism of the day. Implied to be F!Reader but it can be read as gender neutral.

Word Count: 1.1k

Tag List: @joelsgirl & @mydailyhyperfixations

You don't feel it happen until it does. You've heard that for some people, their panic attacks build up, like the world's shittiest tidal wave, steadily looming over them.

Yours aren't like that. You'll be fine one minute, then something will trigger it. A sound. A place. A thought. Someone with a similar sounding name. A nightmare.

You get less than ten seconds warning, if you're lucky, before it hits you like a tonne of bricks and you freeze. It doesn't matter where you are, what you're doing, your chest constricts and you get tunnel vision. It's like you're a spectator in your own body, dissociated so hard you can't tell left from right.

The worst thing is when you lose your ability to speak. It doesn't happen every time, but when it does it's like someone's squeezing sand down your throat, completely taking away your ability to ask for help. As if you even could. You hate drawing attention to yourself at the best of times, let alone when you're so vulnerable.

Which is why it's annoyingly inconvenient that this is happening now. You haven't exactly been hiding your panic attacks from Joel, but you haven't directly talked about it with him. You know he has his own problems, far more trauma than he lets on. You know it isn't a competition, but you don't want to burden him with your anxiety.

Deep down, you know that it wouldn't be a burden. That he loves you, but it's hard to remember that when trauma brain is the one at the wheel.

You're not sure what it is this time. You're just walking through town with him, heading home after a drink, after a shift on the guard tower together, when someone, of all things, laughs. The laugh isn't quite right, but it sounds close enough that you freeze up, breath catching in your throat. Fuck, you're maybe ten feet from home. Why now?

Joel gets maybe two steps ahead of you before he realises you're no longer keeping pace, turns to say something, maybe crack a joke about you being a lightweight, but the comment dies on his lips the moment he sees your expression.

Most people think you just space out. Think it's a personality quirk or just a thing that you do. Joel knows better. He knows better because Ellie's described what he looks like when he has a panic attack, recognises when he's about to have one these days.

So it's immediately fucking clear as day to him what's happening.

He doesn't bother asking what's set it off; knows that there isn't always a clear answer, and that even asking, reminding you of the trigger, could just make it worse.

Joel hates being touched when he's having an episode of his own. Knows it triggers his fight response, that he'll start swinging. He doesn't think that will apply to you, but he doesn't know for certain, and that's all that keeps him from wrapping his arms tight around you.

Instead, he takes you by the hand, leads you the last few steps to the house, closes the door behind you, flips the light on.

"'S okay. Look, we're good. Door's closed. Nobody's coming after us."

You can barely hear him, heart pounding in your ears, breaths coming out ragged like you've just run a marathon.

"Hey. Hey. If you can, look at me, okay?"

He doesn't sound angry, or tired, and it's not a demand. This voice is the one he uses when Ellie's sick, or you're sick, or when he's reassuring one of the kids in town that he's not remotely mad that they stole an extra slice of pie when he was meant to be on food watch duty.

Joel is always soft spoken, but this is different. It makes you feel safe, not enough to pull you out of it, because that's not how it works, but safe enough to look at him, to focus as best you can on the dark depths of his eyes.

"There you are." He goes to let go of your hand but you cling on to him, slump against his chest, needing the warmth and solidness of him to ground you.

That's all the permission he needs, wrapping his arms tight around you.

"I've got you. You're safe, I promise."

You know that. Deep down, you know that the people who hurt you are far away. That they'll never touch you, control you, hurt you, ever again. You know that you're safe here, in this house, with Joel.

He rubs soothing circles on your back, kisses the top of your head, relieved when you start breathing properly again, coming down from the adrenaline.

"You don't need to hide these from me, darlin', I know how they feel."

"That's why I didn't want you to deal with it." You manage to get out; your throat is dry as hell, the guilt already forming.

"Deal with it? What, like it's a big issue? I'd rather be able to help. That's what I'm here for. We do this together, remember?"

"But it's..."

"Nothing. Don't you dare call yourself a burden or anything similar. You've been through so much. Ain't a competition. But you've gotta let me in, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise?" You hate how small your voice is, how distant you still feel. Even if the worst is over, you'll still feel horrible for a few more hours, trapped by your own thoughts.

"I promise. Breathe through it, baby. I'm not going anywhere. We can stay here all night if it helps you feel safe."

You exhale. You do feel safer, standing there with his arms locked around you.

"Will it always be like this?" You hate yourself for asking, but you know he's been dealing with these a lot longer than you have.

"Yes and no," Joel says finally. "You learn to sit with them. They don't suck any less, they're still fuckin' horrible, but you get your support, and you'll learn to sit with them."

You nod against his chest, finally feeling a little better. At least better enough that it doesn't feel like your limbs are full of cement.

"What can I do to help?"

You consider for a minute. "Can we have coffee? Maybe take a shower?"

You always feel a cold sweat come over you after the worst of it passes. Joel nods, gives you one last reassuring squeeze.

"Course we can. Whatever you need, darlin', I'm always gonna be here for you."

He lets go of you to move to the kitchen, but keeps hold of your hand, knows without asking that you still need the reassurance of touch.

"Hey, Joel?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I love you."

"Love you too, baby. C'mon, let me take care of you."

It's not a miracle cure. No such thing exists, after all, but having someone who loves you so much, who you know will support you through it? It makes all the difference in the world.

[inksandpensblog]

Four F's

As uncomfortable as this episode was to watch, there was something about Chosen's behavior in the most uncomfortable scenes that intrigued me. Not because of any hints it might give about Chosen's character, but because there was an element in these moments that I was surprised to see represented so starkly.

We all meme on Chosen for being traumatized, but this episode decided to play traumatization 100% seriously...even, I believe, going as far as to have Chosen display four of the recognized trauma responses.

Now, I say "four of" and not "the four" because sources actually disagree on how many there are, and even what they are and what to call them. Fight and Flight are the ones everyone knows about, and Freeze is getting more recognition nowadays, but there are many suggestions for what the fourth is, and some say that there are actually as many as five or six. Fawn, Friend, Flop, Flag, Fatigue, and Faint are all ones I've seen suggested, with some being different words used to describe the same phenomenon.

Throughout "The Box", it is my belief that Chosen displays the responses of Flight, Fight, Freeze, and Flop. It'll become clear why I chose Flop for the fourth one once we get there.

Chosen's first action upon realizing he's in the white chamber is to try and break out of it. This could be either Fight or Flight; if it's Flight, it's very Fight-y since he's attacking the walls, but if it's Fight, his intent is to leave the area so there's still Flight spurring him.

I considered that him simply standing there and taking Victim's opening punches without reacting might be a Freeze response, but I'm not sure he was actually that phased by what Victim was doing yet. He seems more nonplussed than anything; he doesn't dodge or block after taking Victim's hand and pushing it away the first time, his arms don't come up to defend, he isn't even in a fighting stance. At this point, the box itself- while not a threat he has the ability to combat at the time -is still a bigger threat than the random stick ineffectually hitting him for no reason he can discern.

Still, at some point he decides he's had enough of being punched, and he goes to tackle Victim. This is him fighting back, but I don't know if it counts as the Fight response because Victim isn't the source of his stress (as far as he knows), it's the box they're both in...but it could be that being in the box has put strain on Chosen's tolerance, leading him to lose patience sooner or react more aggressively than he would've otherwise, which might quality it as Fighting. Another thing that makes me unsure is that Chosen's movements during this tackle read as being very deliberate and self-controlled. He made the choice to counterattack, with awareness of himself and his actions. He isn't acting on impulse, here, this action wasn't driven by instinct.

After this, Victim starts utilizing his environmental advantage, and Chosen gets knocked around a bit. Once he realizes that getting Victim to stop isn't gonna be as easy as he thought, he decides to Fight.

...but what actually follows seems to be a blend of Flight and Freeze. Victim's attacks are too fast for Chosen to block effectively, and he's kept busy trying to keep his guard up while Victim keeps finding the weak spots he leaves open. Victim's attacks are also strong enough now that the rapid blows might be disorienting Chosen; he's constantly attempting to move away from Victim, but they're purely reactive motions that are probably involuntary. He's trying so hard to get himself situated that he's unable to attempt any counterattacks, and Victim moves fast enough that even when Chosen does get a moment of reprieve, it isn't enough time for him to find his footing.

(Brief interruption while I rag on him again for always falling for the sneak attacks. Always. Every single time. This man still has not learned to watch his back. Dark took advantage of it, Spyglasses or Shady or whatever we're calling him took advantage of it, and now Victim is too.)

He ends up cornered, which...is usually the worst position one can be in during a conflict, but apparently having something to brace himself against was all he needed, because he's able to recover enough of his wits to actually start Fighting back. (It isn't the first time he's done this, either: think back to his fight against the vira-mech in Return.)

Of course, it doesn't work, and he gets choked and thrown for his troubles, but he isn't out yet. Watch how he rolls after landing: he turns as he falls, so that his shoulder hits the ground first, and he takes the impact of every flip with his elbows, all while keeping his head from hitting the ground. He's going with the momentum of the throw, letting it carry him away from his opponent. This is tactical. He's still Fighting. When he slows to a stop, it takes little effort for him to prepare his next move.

The fire does nothing to deter Victim as he moves in to attack again, and Chosen gets knocked around a bit more. But unlike the first time he got knocked around in this fight, Chosen actually blocks and dodges this time, while still maintaining his guard, and even throws a few of his own punches.

Unfortunately, he's still unable to meet and counter all of Victim's attacks, and by this point in the fight he's exhausted enough to take the breather when the opportunity arises. But I don't believe this means he's stopped Fighting, because he only does this when there's a pause in the conflict, and he stands up of his own accord before the conflict resumes.

(Side note: either the lasso was invisible at first for some reason, or Victim started moving his arm in the twirling motion before the thing was actually in his hand, and I'm not sure what to do with either option.)

Chosen knows the lasso won't be a picnic, but his resolve to Fight doesn't diminish. (Though since his initial strategy is evasion, this could also be considered Flight until he's downed by the lasso.)

His attempt to outmaneuver the lasso with literal flight doesn't work, but even once he's been roped he's still Fighting. In an effort to loosen it from around his throat, he tries to take control of the slack by looping it over his shoulder, the same way Victim loops it around his own arms when pulling him in.

Victim's next punch sends him directly to the floor, and the combined forces of the blow and the impact of the fall (plus the aftereffects of choking right before this) seem to rattle Chosen enough to perhaps disorient him again; he slips into Flight as he tries to steady himself, moving away from Victim.

Unlike when the lasso was first brought out, the introduction of the whip causes Chosen to Freeze momentarily before pushing him deeper into Flight. He hears it crack, looks at it, looks at Victim, and then renews his attempt to crawl away. Putting distance between himself and his attacker takes precedence, even over getting his feet back under him.

This trend continues after the first strike; the impact is enough to roll him over onto his back, and instead of trying to right himself or get into a more defensible position he just continues trying to get away from Victim, scooting backwards. There's no time to roll over or get up because he can barely get his limbs out of the way in time as Victim keeps pace with him, advancing as Chosen retreats.

And then, we come to the moment that first made me realize what was happening...

...the literal Freeze. Though I suppose it could also be read as a form of Flight, since Victim can't follow him into the ice. But still, he's immobilized by fear, though not in the traditional sense, as the cause of immobility is external rather than internal. Fortunately, he's also protected until he's had time to process what's happening and determine how he wants to combat it. He has, temporarily, escaped. The ice also renders the lasso ineffective. Depending on whether you read this as Chosen quickly shifting tactics after losing his fire or purposefully misleading with fire so the shift to ice would be unanticipated, this could even be another form of Fight, one which buys himself time to recuperate.

Because when Victim attacks the ice, he bursts out in full-on Fight mode, destroying the lasso in the process. He manages to evade each of the following attacks, and the one time he's grabbed he manages to break free of the hold. But he forgets to watch his back (AGAIN!!!) and gets roped once more.

Even so, he continues to Fight, attacking Victim directly this time instead of trying to gain control over the lasso. Even his own fire being used against him isn't enough to break him out of Fighting, though afterwards he does switch back to trying to take control of the rope...and this time, he actually gets enough command over the slack to have Victim's own shuriken slice clean through it, freeing himself enough to pull his even more impressive reversed-fire attack. (And he actually closed the distance between himself and Victim before attacking, so he's definitely in Fight mode here.)

Unfortunately, this attack is also nullified, and once he's released he's exhausted again.

This is when the fourth response comes in.

Now, I hadn't realized what I was seeing, at first, so I didn't clue in to the fourth response until after it had already started. I'd wondered why he didn't try to correct his balance when Victim threw him into the chair, as even if he was too tired to resist force that was no reason to just let himself hang off the lasso like that; it would behoove him more to lean forward. So I rewound a bit, to see if I had missed anything. And I had.

He doesn't have the wherewithal to pick himself up or even move out of the way before Victim lifts him up. So his hands fly up to Victim's hold on his throat and he struggles—

and then he stops. And he's still, the whole time the chair is being placed.

For the rest of the scene, from the moment Victim moves to throw him onto the chair (and barring the one time he gives Victim his attention and his intermittent attempts to struggle whenever he thinks he has an opportunity, because bless him he's still Fighting), he's completely limp.

Is it his exhaustion? Partially, but I don't believe that's the only reason.

You see, he's actually not completely limp. If you watch, anytime there's an abrupt movement, there's a moment where he's not as loose-limbed as he could be, before he relaxes and goes even looser.

True, it might be exhaustion that pushed him to this point...but this isn't merely a lack of energy. Whether instinctual reflex or deliberate choice...this is the Flop response.

Look at how his body acts, when he is moved. Look how his limbs swing, responding to even the tiniest brush of force, as if he doesn't control them. Look how he does nothing to oppose or avoid any sort of imposition. Look how he literally Flops, without any hint of self-direction.

He's ragdolling.

Yeah, remember that short? It's a trauma-response now.

That's pretty much the end of it. Chosen ragdolls, aka Flops, for the rest of the video, except for a few brief moments that I consider to be him still Fighting. Because even when it seems like he's succumbed, he hasn't completely. He's still biding his time, staying alert for opportunities.

[moonlit-positivity]

Lesser known effects of trauma that don't ever get acknowledged

Cw: mentions of csa, sa, despair, depression, & generally dark content that some may find hard to read. Please interact & read with care.

"bed rotting" (which I hear is gaining attention on TikTok these days) ie the process of becoming bedridden due to your body being stuck in freeze response (paralyzed w fear, too scared to move)

Needing to cut your hair bc it keeps getting matted down, because you can't shower or wash it or keep up with it anymore

Gaining weight (i gained over 200lbs in a year), losing all the clothes you once fit in, and feeling guilty when all you see everywhere all the time is fat shaming

Losing weight (and subsequently all your clothes start falling off 😭) eating disorders and struggling with body image

Existing off of God knows what at this point. Is that milk spoiled? Yeah but how many days is it spoiled? Mmm, nah, nevermind, I'll just eat air.

Losing track of time. Losing months to years of time because of extreme dissociation, fatigue, stress, and the inability to move

Brain & body "shut down" or go into sleep mode for long periods of time

Self hygiene becomes non existent. Showering? Brushing teeth? Changing clothes? Don't know her.

House cleaning becomes non existent. "If It's Not In The Vacinity, It's Not Getting Done."

Lying to everyone about what's going on because it's easier than telling the truth

Not being comfortable with having your pictures taken, go through a phase where you destroy any evidence you ever existed anywhere at all

Isolating & ghosting all ur friends periodically to make sure they're not gonna leave you (lol makes perfect sense, if you know you know)

Animal upkeep goes to shit. Litter box goes neglected for long periods of time.

Noise & light sensitivity goes haywire. Noise & light triggers get amplified especially once you start to feel any sense of "safety" and start decompressing. An alarm goes off, the stove beeps, the cat meows, anything that makes even the slightest noise in the foreground and you have a whole ass panic attack and find yourself in bed for the rest of the day

Agoraphobia. You never go outside ever again. Too much paranoia, too many eyes staring at you, too many reasons to panic and stay in bed

Life becomes so non existent that the only thing that matters is whatever you're currently doing to cope & survive. If you're addicted to something, well, it's a fucking miracle you even wake up anymore

Couch surfing and inevitable homelessness when people get tired of housing you. Having to confront the way society frames government assistance as "the lazy man's income" & hope disability goes through. Which it won't. Wait-lists out the ass, section 8 takes 5 years or more to kick in. Disability doesn't even go through bc they always deny the first time you apply. The process is littered with appeals and court dates and what the fuck, I can't even get out of bed. What the fuck. What the fuck.

Leaning into your despair because, despite what everyone on social media will shout at you about resilience and "not allowing yourself to fall into despair," they will never understand that concept that despair is there for a reason too. Youre looking at someone who was raped at 5 years old and youre telling them to "stay positive." Yeah okay.

The anger, the bitterness, the resentment at the world & everyone in it. The cold blooded urge for revenge & justice. Especially when there's nothing you can do about the fact that your abusers are still free to live and roam this world as they please.

Not being able to "talk about it." Not being able to "trust a safe space." That's bullshit. I was beat and abused my whole life, what the fuck you mean "safe space?" The absolute mind fuckery that you have to sit with and undo and learn the fact that they fucking lied to you. It is enough to kill you.

Everything you learn in therapy just pisses you off even more because why the fuck wasn't there someone there as a kid to teach you this shit???? Why the fuck do I have to learn this as an adult???? Where was this when I actually fucking needed it????

Nothing helps. Nothing soothes, because there is no soothing. There is only pain. It's like ripping your skin off.

Losing everything. Losing all your friends. Losing all your "cool status" points. Losing your reputation. Losing all the things that once brought you great joy and passion. There is nothing anymore. Pain and isolation and desolation and despair.

Learning that no one can relate. Except that's not entirely true at all. People can relate. It's just such a stigmatized topic that no one talks about it out loud, because no one else in society really gets it.

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

trauma is an explanation, not an excuse.

this is something i find myself thinking frequently whenever i look through what people have to say about fiona gallagher, or even what the writers of shameless have to say about fiona gallagher.

i think that a lot of the behaviors fiona exhibits throughout her run on the show make a lot of sense when you consider what she endured growing up.

growing up for her, it was about survival. it was about keeping her baby brothers (and eventually, debbie, carl, and liam, too) from freezing to death and about making sure her parents hadn’t overdosed. she was never worried about some of the things her younger siblings (such as debbie) worried about, which caused a strain in her relationships with them.

fiona grew up never putting herself first. she was a victim, but was never treated as one. her parents left all responsibility in her hands, and she was still just viewed as a help rather than a mother.

speaking of this ^ frank’s first line regarding fiona was calling her a huge help, and his last was telling her that she just helped. frank’s monologue from the pilot ended up being one of the most important scenes in the entire show (which i will discuss later).

after years of going without recognition, she starts to change. she starts to crave it. does this happen before the show starts or during it, i don’t know. in season two, debbie points out how fiona always makes everything about herself (which of course, debbie was criticized for). i think that debbie was right. in this case, i’d say that fiona making everything about herself is more her taking the responsibility over everything, because that’s all she knows. she thinks that she can handle everything because she’s been doing it since she was in kindergarten.

in season three, she actually gets guardianship of her five siblings, which is pretty big. she had even tried to adopt them all. so basically, she was seriously taking all of the responsibility. she even told jimmy-steve that these kids were her life. and they were.

then, she got caught up in work and life happened, liam ended up overdosing (because of her) and everything fell apart. this is where we were truly introduced to the fiona we know.

she had already been refusing to take responsibility in the first episode of season four (with ian), but by the time that lip starts to act cold towards her because of liam’s accident she begins to refuse to take any accountability at all. she claims to not be guilty, but she was. she was in charge of him, she left an open bag of coke out and liam got into it. she was guilty.

as the seasons go by, she falls deeper into this victim complex, and then in season seven, she straight up starts telling debbie and carl that she will not support them and that they need to pay rent. she tells them to put her on the bottom of their emergency contact lists. why is this an issue, you may be asking? because she was legal guardian. the only other person taking care of them was frank and if you want to know why frank couldn’t be it, think back to season seven frank (he had a whole new family, for starters).

that is child neglect. you can phrase it however you want to try to make it better, but in the end, that was child neglect, nothing more, nothing less.

in season seven, fiona is twenty-six. debbie is sixteen (with a baby) and carl is fifteen at that point, it doesn’t matter what they did, get pregnant, start dealing, whatever, they’re her kids. she signed up for it so she doesn’t get to act like she didn’t.

in season seven, debbie’s child is almost taken away from her and she asks fiona to help her get a marriage license so that she won’t lose franny. fiona says yes, but when debbie asks her to do it (and mind you, it was urgent, franny ended up being taken- just not by dcfs), fiona screams and says not everything is about debbie. she’s right! it was about franny. yes, debbie approached the situation wrongly but if you were sixteen and you were about to lose your kid you’d be that way too.

later in that season, when fiona finds out debbie’s child is home and safe, she gets irritated that she wasn’t the one to save franny.

is this because of her victim complex or her hero complex? is it maybe envy, envy of monica, who has never acted like a mother towards debbie, yet won her over that easily? i don’t know.

my issue with a lot of fiona fans is that whenever fiona is criticized, on screen or off screen, they use her raising five kids as the ultimate excuse. no matter what. even if she’s in the wrong, it’s all, she raised five kids!

i hate to be the one to say this, but being the oldest, it’s weird how people excuse her actions more than anybody else’s. out of all of the siblings, she’s the only one who we only ever saw as an adult. fiona was twenty-one in season one, and twenty-eight in season nine. she’s been a grown ass adult, she should be held accountable and should take accountability. lip, ian, debbie, carl, and liam all deserve the benefit of the doubt in some situations when they were younger, she doesn’t. she was still young, yes, when you’re in your twenties you can’t be expected to act fourty, i get it, but it’s still odd how babied she can be.

i’m not saying i don’t think that fiona should get any passes, or that i don’t think that fiona did it all, because she did. i excuse a lot of her actions, but not everything. it kind of diminishes her entire character if you excuse and twist every little thing about her.

the reality of it is, she is not a good person. neither are lip, ian, debbie, carl, and maybe even liam, eventually. one of the many points of the show is that they all just kinda… suck. they aren’t necessarily bad people, but good people? angels? no. and that’s why i hate it so much when frank, fiona, lip, and even ian (who’s one of my favorites) get defended for everything. it kind of defeats the purpose, they are shitty, they can do shitty things and still be good characters (not frank though lol); and the same thing applies but reversed, when characters like debbie, who was a kid in almost every season, get held accountable and shit on for every little thing, it ruins the character. you can’t see the good in her or see the impact her decisions actually make because you’re busy viewing her as this monster (when the monster in question is just a teenage girl).

even then, frank’s actions can’t all be excused by being abused as a child, fiona’s actions can’t all be excused by raising five kids, lip’s actions can’t all be excused by his childhood/addiction, ian’s actions can’t all be excused by his illness and debbie, carl, and liam’s. actions can’t all be excused by their age. the actions can somewhat be excused in some scenarios, but it isn’t like enduring trauma is a get-out-of-jail-free card for everything.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Wait what's wrong with Maeve and Maxine 😭😭 and I do agree that there's sm off with Garcia in CME

There’s nothing wrong with them, really. If you like them, then power to you. The show is fictional and so are the characters, and I don’t ever recommend that people care as much about prime-time television writing as I do lmao.

That being said, I have a few complaints about Maeve as a character and Maxine as a partner for Spencer. I’ll put them below because it’s a lot.

For starters, Maeve is an awful geneticist. I’m also confused as to what the hell her job is. If you have an understanding of medical science, you know that absolutely no part of their story makes sense unless Maeve is an awful person.

(For the record, I don’t think the writers understand medical science, so this is probably unintentional.)

We’re introduced to Maeve as the woman who cured Spencer’s headaches. When he explains how she did that, the “magical cure” is, in fact, the equivalent of a multivitamin. Setting aside how unlikely it is that none of Spencer’s doctors could identify a very basic nutritional deficiency, it’s absolutely absurd that Maeve would recommend high doses of vitamins to someone who isn’t her patient.

(Is she even a medical doctor. Do we ever get confirmation? You don’t need to be to be a geneticist. I know because I’ve worked for one.)

That leads to the next question. Why the FUCK did she agree to read someone’s brain scans? You are NOT a radiologist and you’re not a neurologist. You have NO idea what you’re doing.

Now we move into her even more serious ethical violations.

Maeve identifies this man who is desperately seeking care for (what appear to be) psychosomatic symptoms as a result of trauma and stress. Instead of, I don’t know, helping him access psychiatric care he clearly needs, she…

That’s right! She starts dating him!

Maeve is a master manipulator. We see it repeatedly. Every time that Spencer begins to open up to her or offer her any vulnerability, she responds by either mocking the things he enjoys or by suddenly freezing him out. The one extended conversation we see between the two of them, Spencer expresses the desire to get to know her better, and once again offers his very specialized assistance in her exact problem.

What does Maeve do in response? She refuses to answer. The call goes silent, and she immediately proceeds to heavily guilt him while he apologizes in excess. She starts to vocally cry, but then immediately stops when he retracts his feelings.

Then, when he is devastated by being rejected, she tells him that she loves him and hangs up the phone.

What?

Then we get introduced to Bobby—the very recent fiancé that Maeve completely refused to mention. We hear from Maeve’s parents that Bobby was “controlling,” but when we see him, and how he interacts with Maeve… he’s completely normal? In fact, he seems genuinely concerned for her safety.

We have no reason to believe Bobby was ever acting against her best interests. She sure didn’t give a shit what happened to him, though, or else she could’ve helped him (and herself) by simply letting the FBI help her with a very basic and unsophisticated stalker that was identified in like five seconds.

Maeve didn’t want help. Maeve didn’t want Spencer to be cured. She wanted him to be available and rely on her because she was bored. She was lonely and she exploited a sick man for company. She left Bobby because she was worried about his safety. Didn’t give a fuck about Spencer’s, though.

I think Spencer knew that, too. Because even in his fantasy of her, he playfully corrects her just for her to shut him down for “arguing” with her. Because he corrected something she said that was literally just wrong.

So, that’s why I hate her.

(Don’t even get me started on how nothing they did made sense to avoid a stalker. You had Spencer call the same number every week on the same time through the same mechanism. Her number. She never changed her number. How many times does the BAU tell us that routine is a stalker’s best friend? Come on, man.)

Moving on to Maxine.

She’s fine. Really, I don’t have any qualms with who she is as a person except for the fact she’s a teacher who hates her job (and her name). You’re telling me this woman who went through school for art history hates children’s art? What?

Also, why are you devaluing children’s art? They’re kids. Are you okay?

The first thing we learn about her is that she’s a teacher, but she hates it because children’s art is lame. So, with a man’s permission (Spencer), she leaves that job to go work for the Smithsonian (Finally! A prestigious enough career for her!).

Setting aside how cringeworthy that notion is, it’s not even the worst part about that storyline.

My problem with her is the way they set up their relationship. Saturday begins with Spencer expressing his (very autistic) concerns about connecting with other people. In response, the psychologist essentially tells him to… just be normal, dude.

That’s when we meet Max, who then spends the rest of their onscreen time together constantly reminding Spencer how fucking weird he is and he should just chill out and be normal.

Pass.

That whole idea of “ommmggg we’re not dating okay it’s super chill and casual 🙄 we’re not dating it’s not even that serious 😒 he’s NOT my boyfriend I don’t want to call him that 😬” is also… not cute. It’s very juvenile and sort of insulting. It always came off to me as her repeatedly saying she doesn’t even really like him that much, she’s just there because the narrative needs her.

Then we get Date Night. What a fucking disaster of an episode. Here, we get to see Cat and Spencer reduced to absolute idiots who randomly believe a basic ass young woman’s super manufactured story about how she murdered someone.

Are you serious? Cat Adams, an actual serial killer, can’t tell when someone isn’t an actual murderer?

SPENCER REID, AN ACTUAL GENIUS AND A DECORATED BEHAVIORAL PROFILER, CAN’T TELL WHEN HIS GIRLFRIEND IS LYING ABOUT BEING A MURDERER?

Of course, we’re meant to believe she’s “just that good,” and also seemingly totally fine under the pressure of her family being kidnapped and potentially murdered.

(Maybe she is a psychopath?)

Her little jokes about Cat as a “mean girl but stabby” are so poorly received in the context of the episode. We have Spencer, still reeling from JJ’s forced confession and the upcoming loss of his mother, lamenting about how he really needs to stop basing his whole identity on the women who love him. Yet, that’s exactly what Max is there for. To be “better than Cat” so he has someone new to attach his mouth to.

(Also, super fucking weird she abandoned her family and kissed him after saying how much he liked kissing Cat, but we’ll move past that.)

Max is a mediocre character and a misogynist’s attempt to make a girlboss. She is also a way for the writers to reinforce that Spencer will only be deserving of love when he stops being so autistic “weird” and learns to just be “normal.”

Spencer frankly deserves better than that. This is why I’ve always loved his love interests like Lila and Austin. They reveled in Spencer’s “weirdness.” They found his real personality charming and cute. They were nice to him because they actually liked him.

So, that’s why I don’t like Maeve and Maxine. Feel free to disagree, but you should probably argue with someone else because I’ve developed my opinion after (too) many rewatches. I don’t see my perspective changing much.

That brings me back to how I started this rant, though. This is a fictional serial television show. It’s not literature to be preserved forever. It’s just our fun little copaganda show, and you can enjoy it however you want! That is your right, and you shouldn’t let me rain on your parade.

Just have fun! That’s what fandom is all about.

[god-of-fandoms]

Here it is - a scene from my familiar faces au! I hope you enjoy it!

Tw: cursing, eye trauma, mentions of arranged marriage

---

Nya grunts in pain as she's thrown to the floor for what seems like the fiftieth time tonight. Scrap N' Tap is always rough - she has her growing collection of scars to account for that - but tonight seems different. Colder, somehow, and so much harsher than ever before. Her ribs are bruised to hell and the blood filling her mouth indicates that she's lost a tooth. The chuckling of the crew slowly falls silent, and her blood begins to run cold as a shadow looms in front of her.

Of fucking course. Why else would the pirates stop holding back unless he wanted something?

"Oh, my dear," and FSM the way Nadakhan calls her that in his sickly sweet tone just makes her want to throw up, "I can tell you're tiring of all of this. Why don't you just give in and stop all this pain?"

Nya spits out a mouthful of blood (and what she's almost certain is one of her incisors) at the djinn. "For the last time, dickbag," she hisses at his disapproving glare, "I'm not wishing for shit."

Nadakhan sighs as he floats closer, ignoring her attempts to flinch back. One thing she’s learned since being stuck on the misfortune? The captain has no fucking sense of personal space. It’s a trait that makes her shiver with disgust, especially when conversation circles back to the reason theyre stuck in this tango.

Speaking of which…

“My crew have been searching day and night, and your friends are still nowhere to be found.” Nadakhan’s golden eyes steadily burn a hole into her soul. She looks away, favoring the sight of her blood dripping onto the deck over that of the djinn’s face. “It seems that they are particularly good at hiding where I cannot see. But, my dear, you’ll come to find-” he grabs Nya’s throat in a bruising grip, ripping a strangled gasp from between her teeth as she's choking again, she can't breathe she can't breathe she can't breathe - "I always find what I'm looking for eventually. The other ninja will be in my grasp within the month, and once I have them? They will know pain like nothing they have known before, I swear to you."

He throws her to the floor once again. Her bruised ribs cry out in agony, but the feeling of air entering her lungs again drowns out the now familiar pain. A calloused hand finds its way to her hair, twisting a loose strand, and once again Nya has to fight back the urge to vomit.

"It doesn't have to be that way if you could just tell me where to find them. I can be merciful, and while it cannot be denied that I used to despise you for destroying Djinjago, it was not your intention to do so. Ever since you joined us-" ha, joined as if my only other choice wasn't to let you have him - "I have found it harder to argue against your usefulness. You would make a brilliant pirate, my dear."

Nya gives the djinn no response other than a scoff. She would rather die a million times than to see the day she'd willingly take orders from this son of a bitch. He sighs and turns his back on her, floating towards the center of the Scrap N' Tap arena. She wishes she had a knife to plunge into his spine.

"Your friends would not need to suffer, either, as long as they agreed to cooperate as well. I could let you all help me in my rule over Ninjago. It is... unfortunate that your brother and the nindroid were too late for this deal, but once I have my Delara back and receive infinite wishes I could be persuaded to bring them back-"

"HIS NAME IS JAY, YOU BASTARD!"

Nadakhan freezes. The rest of the crew falls eerily silent as well. Nya has been in control of water long enough to know that this is what it feels like in the calm before a raging storm.

"What did you just say to me?" The djinn asks, his words knife sharp. He turns to face her once again, and shit he's fucking enraged. It takes everything in Nya to glare back at him when her brain is telling her it's not safe run away DANGER RUN-

"His name is Jay, not Delara. I don't give a shit that he looks like your dead fucking fiancee - they could be twins for all I care - that doesn't change the fact that he's his own person. Delara is dead, Captain, and I'd rather gouge out my own eye than let you marry him because you think it will bring her back."

Nadakhan's nostrils flare as he flies towards her, arm outstretched as if to hit her. Nya can't help it - she flinches away, squeezing her eyes shut as she waits for the blow to come.

It doesn't.

After a few tense seconds, she looks up again. Nadakhan floats there, a peaceful look across his face as if he hadn't appeared ready to end her fucking life a moment before. Has he somehow managed to calm himself down

"Let me get this straight, my dear," and nope, he's even more angry than he was before, if the way his words drip with icy venom are a hint of his current emotional state, "Despite what you say about your precious Jay, I'd know my beloved anywhere. He may go on believing that he is not her, but once I have him in my grasp - and I will have him - he'll be whoever I say he is. And once I wed him and gain infinite wishes, I will be able to bring back the soul of my beloved Delara from the departed realm. With her spirit in his body, we will be reunited at last!"

Nya has to actively fight her nausea as she looks at the djinn's dreamy expression. Pure unadulterated horror courses through her. She knew that the djinn wanted to marry Jay under the delusion that he was a reincarnation of his bitchass fiancee, but for him to blatantly admit that he didn't give a single shit about Jay's thoughts and feelings on the matter - to admit to his plan of letting Delara permanently possess his body??? - makes her actively sick.

"You're a monster," she gasps, and it only makes him grin sadistically. "Jay will never marry you! He'll fight back every step of the way, and so will I!"

"My dear, Jay doesn't get a choice. No matter what, I will wed him and we will rule Ninjago together. And as for you..." His grin only grows wider as he looks away from her to admire the gleaming metal of his hook. He gestures to Dogshank and before she knows it the beast of a woman is restraining her, and despite her struggling she won't budge. "You're very against this wedding, aren't you? In fact, if my memory hasn't betrayed me, I recall you saying you'd 'rather gouge out your own eye than let me marry him'.

Nya freezes. The djinn is getting closer, too close, and the way he's gazing at his hook sends a bolt of terror through her. "I - I didn't actually mean that!" she stutters as her efforts in struggling against Dogshank double in intensity. She's completely unable to move, however, and her breathing gets harder and faster as Nadakhan raises the curved blade to just above her left eye. He wouldn't really, would he?

Nadakhan pauses, golden eyes roaming over her terrified face with amusement. "You didn't?" He asks, faux disappointment drowning his voice. He begins to pull away his hook, and the sigh of relief she lets out is embarrassingly audible.

"I guess I'll just have to do it myself, then!"

The hook pierces her eye.

The pain is instant and blinding. it's so much worse than every other injury she's faced as a ninja. It courses through her veins, hot and heavy, with no sign of stopping.

The hook digs deeper and though she can't hear anything she knows she lets out a scream as she feels it tear through her eye, ripping through nerves and tissue. The pain whites out her brain, she can't think of anything else, she can't breathe, she can't see-

It feels like minutes of agony as the blade twists and digs through her eye socket, hell bent on causing as much pain as possible. It's working. She simultaneously can't feel anything but her eye and feels every inch of her body as all of her nerves echo with pure blinding excruciation.

Then the hook freezes, and she's only given a brief reprieve from the pain before it yanks out of her socket, taking her eye with it.

The blinding pain overwhelms her again as nerves are ripped from the space her eyeball occupied moments before. Through her ringing ears, she can hear someone screaming. A minute later, she realizes that those are her cries.

She's dropped unceremoniously to the floor by Dogshank, where she lies in a growing pool of her own blood. The pain is still coursing though her, but it slowly ebbs... along with her consciousness.

Through rapidly closing eyes - eye, she only has one now - she can see Nadakhan as he floats towards her crumpled form. He lifts her chin gently, seemingly admiring his handiwork. Not has never been this tired. At this point, the pain is set aside as her body shuts down. Nadakhan tuts at her visible exhaustion and wipes away her tears (when did she start crying? She can't bring herself to care).

"Poor girl," he mumbles, his mournful tone a sharp contrast to the (rapidly blurring) smirk on his face. "This wouldn't have had to happen if you had just told me what I wanted to know."

Fuck that. She gathers the last of her strength as she glares at him and rasps, "'m not tellin' you shit".

Nadakhan scowls, but it quickly turns into a self satisfied smile. "Even in a time like this, you still have your fire. Good. And as for you 'not telling me shit', I believe you now. But mark my words, my dear..."

Nya is drifting off; Nadakhan's voice is getting more and more muffled as she sinks into her exhaustion. The last thing she hears are the djinn's parting words to her.

"Jay and the rest of your friends will be mine eventually. In fact, I doubt I'll have to look much longer. I guarantee you that they'll come to me themselves."

---

SO DO WE LIKE IT

this took me a crazy short amount of time compared to most of my writing. I'll have to thank @tornoleander for that because I listened to the girl with one eye (Florence + the machine) like you mentioned when talking abt my au and DAMN it got me in the mindset for this like nothing else lemme tell you. If there were to be a ff!au playlist at some point that would definitely be on it (along with nothing by Emily autumn because that gives me serious jay and nadakhan vibes lol)

Im probably gonna edit this soon because I'm so tired and this is probably shit rn. Bear with me though the typos fam.

anyway I really hope you all like this! Your feedback is always important to me so tell me what you think.

as always, feel free to ask me anything about this fic! I'm always happy to answer your questions :D

Thanks for reading this! I hope it makes you more excited about this au.

Have a lovely day!

-Lee :)

[duskymrel]

Part 4 of TWST as quotes from my friend group quotebook

Lines with a '^' in front of them are the things said by yours truly ❤

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^Ace: Eating frozen chicken nuggets in the kitchen at at 1:54 a.m.

Riddle: *turns on the light* What the fuck are you doing

^Ace: *freezes*

Ace and Riddle: *stare at each other for a bit in silence*

^Ace: *slowly shoves the rest of the frozen chicken nugget in his mouth and leaves the kitchen*

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^Lilia: I use my enhanced intelligence and wisdom to make only the most refined of sex jokes

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^Epel: Alright everyone place their bets on how long I'm gonna live

Ace: 16

^Epel, 3 months away from his 16th birthday: I like those odds

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Epel: Technically guys are always pregnant because they're always carrying children

^Deuce: Does that mean women are chickens because they always carry eggs

Ace: Yes

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Azul: I'm extorting people for money. Oh lord, I love extortion.

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^Floyd: It's called your sweet 16 because that's when your body is ripest and sweetest. It's the optimal time to feast on my flesh, as it tastes best.

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^Ruggie: Daddy chill

Leona: I ain't your daddy

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Cater: Hey guys look at my little goobie, the little Google woobie, the lil squiggly guy, the scrimblo!!!!! *sends picture of said goofie goobie woobie squiggle scrimblo*

Lilia: Nine eleven

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^Idia: I can't believe I just compared math to the Holocaust what's wrong with me

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Epel, referring ^Jack: Boob Jesus

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^Ace, admiring Silvers thighs: Dude, drop the leg routine.

Deuce: How many squats does he *do*???

^Sebek: His legs are ripped because he has to carry the weight of his trauma.

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^Ace: Megatron? More like MEGA DONG HAHA GOTTEM

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Riddle: babe no killing

Floyd: fine

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^Ace: Did you hear about what happened to Barry?:(

Jack: Huh?

^Ace: BARRY-ING DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH HAHA GOTTEM

Jack: Never speak to me again

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Riddle: Finally something heterosexual

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^Ruggie: Do you think Yuu would smoke weed with me

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Ace: Why do all these dogs look like wolves that's cringe

^Jack: Maybe because they're descended from them dumbass

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^Jade: If you can dodge your responsibilities then surely you can dodge a dodgeball

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We're just silly your honor I swear don't send us to juvie. Also most of these ended up just being the first years because they're so chaotic 💀