#sucide trigger

[hardcoregayanalsegx]

"Why would you do that to yourself" I'm trying my best to soothe the pain, trying to cradle it so that maybe just maybe it will stop crying out

[runwhileyoucan]

The real darkness.

[inlovewithpandora]

Hey love💕 I was wondering if you could write a oneshot where neteyam finds out reader harms herself?

Thank for this request anon💗! I hope it meets your expectations!

If anyone has any requests leave them in my asks!

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Part 1 (here) || Part 2 || Part 3

This story was inspired by the song above^

- I'm tired -

Pairing: Neteyam x Fem! Omatikaya gf! reader

Both characters are 19!

Warnings: self harm ( very descriptive) suicide ideation, attempt, extreme angst, slight physical/ emotional abuse

If your not comfortable with this type of writing please click off

Word count: 1,645

You and Neteyam just recently started dating a few weeks ago. The first time you saw him it made a feeling that was foreign to you course through your veins. When you meet him and got to know him he made you feel an emotion you've never felt before, Happiness.

Every time he came by your pod to whisk you away to somewhere special in the forest you felt nothing but pure bliss.

But when you weren't around you him you felt melancholic, lonely, depressed, and every other negative feeling under the sun. The environment you lived in was toxic and it was ripping a piece of you away every day.

You were trying to ignore the pain and heartache but it wasn't working. you were trying to find healthy ways to cope like weaving or hunting but it wasn't working. The only thing that would help is cutting, making small slits into your navy blue skin that would release crimson-colored liquid. Watching the blood drip down your arm is the only thing that would help you feel better and would make the pain stop.

You lived at home with your father and he was an alcoholic. When you were born your mother died while giving birth to you and that was the last day your father showed any positive emotion. He abhorred you for taking the love of his life away and he made sure you knew it every single day.

You were sitting in your part of the pod trying to avoid your father's alcoholic rage but you couldn't because he decided to come find you and spew his hatred all over you.

He came and pulled the curtain back which revealed you sitting on your woven mat. As he was towering over your small frame you could smell the alcohol seeping from his pores, "What are doing in here?!"

"N-nothing father I'm just making a necklace for someone", A couple of days ago you and Neteyam were sitting by a pond and he told you how he needed a new necklace because he lost his other one so you decided to make him one.

"Who is it for?! Is it for that boy you've been running around with?!" He yelled which startled you. You hated when he yelled because it always made you cry. Instead of responding you just sat there silently looking down at the floor which told your father he was correct about his assumption.

He let out a dark chuckle before continuing to yell at you, "He is only using you for your body, do you think someone could really like you?! That someone would want to actually mate with you one day?! You have to be the dumbest na'vi around to think that. Look at you, you're pitiful. Always crying and sulking around this house. You're always cutting your arm like some deranged freak! What boy would ever want someone like that?!" He yelled with venom coming out of his mouth with each word that escaped his lips

All you could do is break down into a crying fit. You felt like your father was right, why would someone want to be with someone who felt like their only escape was harming themselves? You felt like whatever you had going on inside of you could rub off on Neteyam and you didn't want to corrupt him with this sickness.

Your father saw drops of water flowing down your face and it only made him angrier, "WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR? HUH? THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO BE SHEDDING ANY TEARS! IF ANYTHING I SHOULD BE THE ONE CRYING, YOU TOOK MY MATE FROM ME! EVER SINCE YOU CAME INTO MY LIFE IT HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT HELL!" He shouted at you furiously

He crouched down to your level and harshly grabbed your bicep, yanking you up so you could stand on your feet. He then extended your arm, looking at all the scars that ran down your skin. He began to speak but this time he wasn't yelling, he was calm but you could still hear the maliciousness in his tone.

"I wish you were the one that died that day, not your mother. Next time you decided to cut yourself make sure you finished the job and go live among Eywa. I can't stand to have you living in my house and making me live in despair." He let go of your arm and threw it to your side. He lifted his alcoholic beverage to his lips and began imbibing enormous amounts of it before walking outside the pod.

As you stood there with sobs emerging from your throat you decided that you were tired. You were tired of your father's emotional and sometimes physical abuse, you looked down at your arm and could see a purple outline on your arm from his tight grip.

You were tired of feeling like this, you need the pain and heartache to stop. You needed this feeling of sorrow to go away. You looked around your pod and grabbed your knife and put it in its sheath and grabbed your shawl and wrapped it around your arms and began walking to Neteyam's Family pod.

You wanted to talk to him and tell him how you felt about him before you went to see the Great Mother.

As you walked you heard a group of girls talking about you as you walked by, "Look at her, She looks awful" one of the girls said while laughing

"Yeah I'm surprised she even came out of her pod, she's been locked up in there for almost a week" one of the other girls chimed in

They continued saying all these nasty things about you and it made you feel even worse than before. Neteyam was in the tree above, looking down at the event that was unfolding. He watched you run away to a deeper part of the forest. He immediately climbed down the tree and began to follow you to see if you were okay.

He hasn't seen you in almost a week and he's been worried about you. He came by your pod to try and talk to you but every time he came your father sent him away.

As you were running you didn't know where you going until you found yourself in front of a small pond. You sat down and looked at your reflection in the water, as you looked at yourself you couldn't even recognize the person you saw anymore. It was like you changed into a totally different person. You looked at yourself and felt disgusted, you felt like you looked repulsive. As you looked at your puffy eyes and the dark circles around them you felt so much pain and agony.

You pulled your knife out of its sheath and pressed it again your skin. You knew by doing this it would make you feel so much better, you would finally be at peace. You could finally see your mother and live among your ancestors.

As you were about to penetrate your skin and create a gash so deep that it would bleed out until you took your last breath, you heard someone call out your name.

"Y/N!" Neteyam called out. You turned and saw so many emotions on his face, he looked at you horrified by what he saw you doing to your body.

As you looked at him all you could is cry even harder, "Neteyam please leave"

You didn't want him to see you in this state, you didn't want him to see you so broken.

"Y/N what's wrong? What's going on?" Neteyam asked you as he sat down next to you. As he looked at your arm he saw multiple old scars on your arm and a bruise on your bicep, as you followed his gaze all you could do was apologize to him even though you didn't know why you were doing it.

"I-I’m sorry Neteyam I just can't handle the pain anymore, I'm tired of feeling so miserable. I'm always crying and I'm so weak. Nobody likes me not even my own father, the person who's supposed to love me the most. I feel like I'm going crazy, I feel like I'm a freak" you told him  as you let out sobs in between every few words

"I don't want to live Neteyam. I want to be with Eywa where I can feel peace, I need to feel peace."

As you rambled without properly thinking clearly, Neteyam was horrified by your words. "Baby, why would you say that?" Neteyam asked you as his voice broke a little. He hated hearing you speak about yourself so harshly and it broke his heart to hear that you wanted to end your life

"Because it's true! Every single thing I said was true"

"Y/N you are not a freak, you are beautiful and I love you with every fiber in my body. Whatever is going on with your father I will help you figure it out. I will be there for you and help you through these feelings until they have faded away. I will be here for you always, but you can't leave me. I want you to stay here with me so we can grow old together, Okay?" he talked to you with so much conviction in his voice some tears slowly streamed down his face

"Okay, Neteyam" is all you could muster up and say. You wrapped your arms around his body and clung to him. He embraced you and kissed you on the cheek " These feelings won't last forever, we'll get through this together" As you laid your head on his shoulder for the first time you felt like someone cared about you. As you laid in his embrace you felt a feeling you'd been longing for, something you wanted for a long time.

Love & Peace

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I hope you enjoyed💗!

Likes, Comments, and Reblogs are appreciated💗!

©️inlovewithpandora ━━━ 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 | All rights reserved. Do not repost, reupload, translate, modify, or claim my work as your own.

[girl-on-the-wrongside]

I am selfish and self absorbed

I have this anger and I don't know what for

I glare at them and bear my broken teeth

But still, no one notices my grief

[soggytaxidermy]

Prettiest woman in Yharnam takes killer selfie (based off an actual stock image below the cut)

shutterstock may you never die. unlike this woman

[aly-the-writer]

...oh.

Just hit the part where Gale talks about how clean his tower is now again and it hit different. How he laughs it off but...like....cleaning, getting rid of stuff.

It's just a throw away line, but this guy collects bits and trinkets and books like no-tomorrow (just look at his camp spot!) and he's delighted by those things and, well, he's not exactly the master of organization over there. Him not having things - well, it's not about the things he's giving up - it's about the fact that he'd given up so why on earth would things matter? Even if they had been special or important to him once.

Gale is a depressed, burned out GT kid who got screwed over by the system (and person in this case because the person is the system and the system is the person) who originally told him he was special and has completely and utterly had his sense of self-worth nuked (hah) by a mistake that he really wasn't in a position to be able to avoid given all of the above circumstances because what other path could he have possibly taken and not been a failure for not trying anyways?

He is desperately trying to keep his burn out from hurting or disappointing any more people and he thought that isolation is the only way to really do that.

And his sole lifeline to any semblance of actual sanity seems to be his cat.

UGH....I AM GALE. GALE IS ME. FUCK. No fucking wonder I want to cry when my Tav tells Gale he's worthy exactly as he is and again when our wizard wonder starts believing it.

[stonerskinny]

broke my fast at 20.5hrs

tried a new chinese food place, it was very good but i did in fact purge it all. have hella leftovers now tho. next time i’ll remember to drink something while im eating so i don’t feel like im actually choking and dying when i purge

i did however happily enjoy my fortune cookie. although there was no fortune in it so i guess it was a fortuneless cookie lmao

weighed when i got home from work and im at 284.8. this is like day three or four at that weight so that sucks. feeling semi discouraged but whatevs

debated unaliving tonight but tbh i weigh so much that i think my fan would just rip out of the ceiling if i tried to go the, um, “dangling” route. so alas i shall live to see another day. probably

nothing exciting happened at work today, unfortunately. besides maybe that i learned how to make posters, but tbh that just added so much stress to my day that even that is kind of an L because it’s just one more thing to juggle

actually one funny thing did happen: i was scrolling on here during my lunch break and my manager (a dude in his mid-30s) came into the break room to put something in the fridge and looked over my shoulder and got to see a meme of someone crying about bread lmao

[skinnybitch555]

Hey Guys.

I was off track for a loooong time. But i can definitely see that in my body so it’s definitely time to get back on track but this time in a healthier way than last year. So if you want to follow me on my journey, follow my blog 🤍

[numb-little-bugg]

the feminine urge to go jump off a bridge

[imsodunwiththis]

This is the part where you can not help me and it’s clearly showing…

[voidcat44]

im so sick. im so sick of this life.

[sleepy-the-loz-enthusiast]

Wow I love being randomly reminded of the time when I went to a doctor to request a mental health assessment but stumbled over my words and was told my problems aren't bad enough and the resources were for people with worse problems even though I was 12 but severely depressed and suicidal and had been for years :D

[lostmf]

I wish I could experience being alive without this constant need to prove that I am worthy of existing

I wish I could enjoy creating my art without the pressure of needing it to be perfect .. just so I can make up for that fact that it’s me

I want to know what it’s like to live without being sorry for it

I want this pain to stop

[girl-on-the-wrongside]

I want to fade, and I want it to be visible

I want to d!e and I want them to be miserable

I love these thoughts even though they're terrible

I love my life. it's unbearable

[b0ne--r0t]

Me literally not even five minutes after:

[wavyypeachyy]

Is loosertown messing up for anyone else too?