#the fact i made a joke about it years ago and now i dont like the idea

[eternallovers65]

Blocking the lestappen tag because I genuinely believe some of yall are delusional

[moonshynecybin]

sorry what exactly happened in Argentina?

repsol-ariel did two gifests about it here and here and the race is actually online 4 free HEREE but as vale says in that podcast, marc made a stupid tire choice and vale passed him, then marc got a lil overzealous tryin to catch him again and crashed out pretty hard. now where vale and i disagree in terms of interpretation of these events is uh. notable. because vale seems to think that marc gunned it on the inside (not pictured in the gifsets but they DO make contact right before that, 45:37 is the timestamp on youtube) so he could divebomb vale and knock him out of the race on purpose. like a nascar bump and run. which um no i dont think that is correct my man. in fact i think that is somewhat unhinged ! like the contact/crash is marc's typical slightly criminal overeager bully-on-track behavior and IS marc's fault imo but like marc is being the same bitch he's always been. brother it happens. vale's statement also. interestingly 2 me. sounds a lot like what pecco said about alex a couple weeks ago. funny, that !

but fr its essentially the first sign of on-track tension between them for the 2015 season, and also pretty emblematic of marc's season as a whole. The 2015 honda had a difficult, unforgiving chassis and marc crashed a lot more than normal (part of which was him trying to override it), which along with some injuries pretty much took him out of title contention for the year (the yamaha was also just really good ! vale and jorge were slayingggg). but vale being like YEAH marc tried to KILL ME and then KISSED MY ASS for the rest of the year despite HATING ME for the rest of the season is like. a really crazy thing to say to me because the NEXT RACE was jerez 2015, where he made a bunch of tongue in cheek gay sex jokes about him + marc AND was just generally VERY sweet the whole time ! like he was pretty concerned about marc's hand injury! (links HERE and here and here and theres more i cant find but crucially its all initiated by VALE. not marc) so i think there's some realllll confirmation bias coloring his memory here because as we know if vale hates your ass he'll just cut you the fuck out. and he demonstrably hadnt done that yet. like look at this image. look at the person fujoing out in the back. this was two weeks after argentina !!!!

[aliaology]

NOW THAT WE DONT TALK

summary: somehow, somewhere, cole caulfied gets yn to go to his end of the summer party down in michigan. it works in her favor due to college starting back up. pt.5

series masterlist

“no fucking way, cole.” you said into the phone, sitting at the island of your brother’s house. the sliding door nearby was open, sending small gusts of wind in, causing you to shrink closer to your body.

“oh come on, please!” cole whined from the phone. cole tried his hardest, but if he tried his hardest, his party would not be held, on the hughes property.

said party will also have jack hughes— and even trevor zegras.

“cole—“ “no come on, y/n, i havent seen you in forever. i get trevor and jack will be there, but just ignore them, please. i miss you and i dont want them to be the reason we can’t hang out.” cole pleaded.

you let out a sigh. “can i bring a plus one?” you ask. you can hear cole whisper a small ‘yes!’ in victory before speaking, “of course, is it gonna be your brother?”

“uh no— i was gonna talk to sab…” you trailed off.

“i dont care who you bring, as long as i get to see you, bells.”

there is was. the nickname you had been given one summer many years ago by cole, that soon everyone in the hughes summer house called you.

he started to call you bells because of how quiet you would walk into a room, he made the joke you needed a bell to stop scaring them. fast forward, he bought you some and forced you to have them around your neck, and the nickname just stuck.

it was almost endearing at this point. not some joke.

“okay” you whispered, bringing a leg up, resting your chest against your knee.

“when is it?” you asked.

“next weekend. so is this a yes?” cole asked excitedly. “i guess so. i better get paid back for this unexpected flight.”

“fuck yeah, i cannot wait to see you, bells.”

“cant wait to see you too..”

you sigh softly, curled in a fetal position on your bed, your white comforter draped over your body. you hated how after a year, you were still hung up on your ex, who was doing way better than you.

he had a girlfriend, your best friend, hockey, he had it all. you shared your music to the world, not as an act of revenge but as a way to pour your heart out and see if people have and are going through the same thing.

you feel lucky to know you have yet to receive a message from jack, or even his girlfriend. that doesn’t mean you havent seen the comments though.

quinn commenting every once in awhile kind of scared you. what was he telling jack? what was he telling trevor? what was he saying about you in general?

but you and quinn had a good relationship, he was practically your third older brother (right behind your actual one, and auston!). you went to him for advice about jack, or to complain about jack.

luke and you also had a good relationship. one that crumbled when you and him had a small argument over your break up with jack, and him ultimately choosing his brother. you didn’t blame him though.

sad fact is, is you believe that all the hughes brothers were your soulmates in some form. quinn and luke were your platonic soulmates. jack was your romantic soulmate, in every possible way. but not anymore,

jack is on your mind constantly. all you see is him everywhere you go. all the time its just him.

you wanted it to stop. jack was practically your roman empire and god you needed to find a new one.

but hey, at least you don’t have to pretend you like acid rock anymore, because god some of his playlists for game days were bad.

but he was happier now, right? with his new girlfriend who definitely dissed you online..

maybe its a good thing, yknow? now that you dont talk..

tags: @honethatty12 , @slaythehousebootsdown13 , @lovinbarzal , @outrunangelss , @absolutelyhugh3s , @hockeyboysarehot , @shadowsndaisies if u want tags, lmk <3

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, real talk, I feel like people largely do not understand just how much characters within those who are maladaptive daydreamers and/or were maladaptive daydreamers literally are "parts of them" and how both healing and destructive that dynamic can be and I find that a bit visible with how people in DID communities talk about maladaptive daydreaming as a "form of plurality"

Its an absolutely different experience but that doesn't mean that the label of "plural" isn't equally suitable. Since that topic has come up on our radar like way back half a year or year ago, we honestly have been thinking about it as someone who is considered "recovered" from DID and has recovered from maladaptive daydreaming but still has a brain that functions creativity and imaginative worlds with the same semi-autonomous functions whether I like it or not

And honestly? My characters are very much not "my creation", nor are they "just my OCs" - the very way all of my character are made and at this point the only way I know how to write and make characters is by taking a part or aspect of myself (conscious or subconscious) and throwing it out there with a name and face. That part of myself engages with the world I created and develops within the narrative and impacts the world itself.

I repeat and do this for all my characters and the world that I have created serves as a hypothetical exploratory way to understand, engage with, and explore very complex topics with exaggerated and isolated parts of myself. I have never really "planned" a character of given them traits or really anything other than a basic premise of a name, MAYBE a gender, and a vague role and I let them define their own story. No real character arc planning. No real likes and dislikes. No real narrative or secret message.

The function and means of which that I "created" these OCs and the level of which I don't control the way they form and grow is extremely similar to how I "create" alters, albeit one is far more voluntary and intentional than the other and one is physically sharing my life with me and the other is sharing a mental world with me.

((Additionally I don't engage in the mental world I made for them beyond the half joke that I'm the god of the gods of that world and they dont know))

The dynamics I have with my characters is WAY WAY WAY different than my parts / alters but BOTH my characters (maladaptive daydreaming) and my alters (DID) are equally fair to call "parts of me" and "parts of a whole" in a very literal not "Oh yeah Im a writer and this character means a lot to me theyre a part of me"

With my writing partner (who does this as well) we regularly use our characters as well to explain what we are going through / how we are feeling to help facilitate real talk and venting a lot because we have a mutual understanding that while this is a story and these are our characters, both of us have "built" this world by literally giving very specific aspects of ourselves the ability to explore, grow, and learn in a world and that while some have grown SO far from who we are now, they represent an aspect and potential part of us that could have been should something have gone one way in a specifically extreme way in a specific environment.

With that in mind, I absolutely feel its fair to compare DID and MaDD "plurality" with some obvious understanding that while there are similarities they are also different (AND THATS OK).

Cause honestly? If I actually talked to my characters (like a lot of people with MaDD tend to do) I could see myself calling and feeling as though they were a system and I don't think it would be all that inaccurate and wrong. I don't have that experience as my MADD and DID are mostly entirely two seperate dissociative coping mechanisms, but I know for a fact the line between the two is a lot less clear and its just food for thought

-----------------

[SYSCOURSE AND DEBATE WILL BE BLOCKED.]

[Good faith conversation and discussion is WELCOMED and ENCOURAGED.]

[If you don't know the difference, don't add on.]

[tea-blankets-andstars]

P.1 about the marauders socials AU (i love this au so much) inspired by this post

James & Siri's podcast where they just start it for fun but it ends up becoming super popular with over 1,000,000 listeners. They dont stick to just one subject and instead they just talk about literally anything.

In one of these episodes Sirius starts talking about some mystery gamer guy who Siri calls "moony", the fans start linking this to the gaming channel run by lily & remus because during the videos lily will sometimes yell "Moony" at remus. Everything calms down for a while, until some fan posts something on twitter saying that they can confirm that the two are dating.

@(some username im too tired to think of)

you guys, remember a few monthes ago when there was a rumor of Sirius from (insert podcast name here) dating that guy from (insert gaming channel name) i think his name was remus? anyways i was doing a little digging and i came accross one of the first gaming videos Remus & Lily made (video link) at around 10:35 Lily makes a joke and Remus says quote, "That sounds like something Sirius would say" to which Lily replys with "your highschool sweetheart/ famous podcast boyfriend? we get it Moony your madly inlove and stuff, ...im so single." Even though this video was filmed over two years ago it implys that the two have been togather for at least a couple of years. And maybe your thinking "but how do we know its the same people?" fact one (1) Remus talks about a guy named Sirius- like how many sirius can you think of- AND the sirius he talks about has a famous podcast??!! 2) as i said earlier in the newest podcast ep Sirius calls mystery guy Moony, which seems to be a nickname for Remus. So in conclusion i belive that, based on concrete evidence, Sirius from (podcast name) is involved in a romantic relationship with Remus aka Moony from (gaming channel name).

~~~~~

"Moonpie" Sirius calls from where he sits at the table, hair still wet from her shower. "You have to see this, some person on twitter figured us out."

This catches this Remus's attention and he scrambles down the stairs to meet his partner in the kitchen, Sirius hands him the phone and he skims through the post. He does have to admit that the fan is very detaled, as most of the facts were correct.

"wow" he whispers under his breath, "well it was bound to happen eventually, so what now pads?"

Sirius chuckles under his breath, "What else is there to do? Obviously we update our insta relationship status and watch as the fans loose there minds." Obviously Sirius ment this as a joke as she immediately started laughing.

"Sirius." he rubbed his temples, "be seriou-" he cut himself off, knowing this would end in another im always sirius joke. "We have to be logical."

"Mooooony" Sirius said the word like a breath, "it'll be fineeee." He reached for Remus's hand, "Promise, 'k?"

"okay." He gave a small smile and sirius squeezed his hand.

~~~~~

@thestarfrom-that1podcast

To all you fans: You guessed it! I am infact dating my lovely, wonderful, pretty boy boyfriend @Remythegamer <333

Replys

@Remythegamer (pinned reply) Siri i thought you were joking abt the insta offical thing

@thatstarfrom-that1podcast (replying to @remythegamer) You know i never joke love

@Remythegamer (replying to @thatstarfrom-that1podcast) 🙄sureeee (<33)

[ichangedmycornyahhname]

Aged up!Lo'ak x Fem Omaticaya!reader

A pain in the ass

Summary: Lo'ak and Y/N were never fond of one another, always teasing and taunting. Usually Lo'ak could deal with her teasing, but one day he reaches his breaking point.

Warnings: It's smut y'all | Dominant Lo'ak/Bratty reader | The usual smut stuff | p in v | Not proof read

Her head tilted with amusement as she sat with her friend Emu. The two had perched up in the huge trees, basking in the cool shade as they observed the scene below them. Lo'ak, the son of the great Toruk Mokto was currently being lectured at by the great warrior. While Y/N had originally been up in the trees to relax, it would seem today she struck gold. She watched intently at the hunched shoulders of Lo'ak, his shameful demeanor being no surprise. This occurred a lot. Lo'ak getting in trouble, Jake lecturing him, and his big brother Neteyam attempting to defend him. Except this time seemed different. More intense. Like he'd really screwed up.

"Ooh he's done for this time." Emu joked as she swung her legs in the air. While Y/N didn't turn to her, she did give a chuckle in response. "Definitely. I wonder what that Sxkang did this time. Probably tried joining the fight again. Eywa he's so stupid." Y/N said as she stood from her spot on the tree top. It seemed as though the argument was coming to a closing, or perhaps an opening for her. She glanced over at Emu, her friends jubilant expression coming as no surprise. Emu was always a joy, no matter the circumstances. "C'mon, let's go. I'm not going to let a chance like this go to waste." Y/N urged as she made her way to the trunk of the tree. She began to climb down, her friend following closely behind. The rough bark wasn't anything unfamiliar. In fact, Y/N enjoyed the forests welcoming nature.

"How come you're always trying to bother him? And dont use that lame excuse like 'He's fun to annoy'. You know you enjoy being around him Y/N." Her friend spoke slyly, a grin painting her lips. Y/N could only roll her eyes in response, a look of distaste now on her face. "No, I don't. Now quit trying to put those crazy ideas in my head." She grumbled as her feet thudded against the dirt and grass. Her friend landed next to her, a knowing look on her face. "Okay Y/N, whatever you say. I'll see you later after your little playdate with Lo'ak." Before Y/N could get in a word, Emu departed, making her way in the opposite direction. Y/N could only sigh as she pondered on her friends words. She couldn't quite wrap her head around the thought of actually enjoying Lo'aks presence. Sure he wasn't horrible to be around, and his sense of humor wasn't bad, he was Lo'ak. The same boy who she teased years ago, curious as to how he managed to have four fingers instead of three.

She trudged through the shady forest, wandering flora and fauna catching her eyes along the way. Soon she passed a marker. The small notch that was etched into the tree beside her. An L, for Lo'ak. Months ago Y/N had found this little hide out of Lo'aks, managing to patronize him even further. Now that Y/N really thought about it, she was always around Lo'ak. Maybe Emu was right- No. Hell to the no. The thought itself made her face crumple into one of distaste, the desire to rid her mind of it growing strong.

"Ew, what the hells wrong with your face?" Her head snapped towards the voice, a scowl replacing the previous distaste. "I know you're not talking, not after you just got in trouble. Again." The man could only scoff at her words, eyes rolling as he leaned against a tree. "You're such a bitch. You really came all the way out here just to talk shit? Man get a life." Lo'ak snapped out, his brows furrowing at her attitude. Y/N did the same, her brows furrowing as her arms folded across her chest. "I'm the bitch? Yeah okay, but who gets yelled at on the daily? I'd say you're the biggest bitch of them all Lo'ak."

That did it. Lo'ak pushed his body off of the tree, making his way towards Y/N. He stared down at her, his eyes lingering on hers with his intentions unclear. While the sudden closeness should've intimidated her, Y/N had grown used to it over the years. With the constant bickering between the two, she wasn't surprised by his aggression. "What? Gonna talk to me like your dad talks to you? Or you gonna beat me up huh? I wish you would pussy." She snorted, her arms unfolding as she held them up in defense. "I'm so sick of you and your big mouth." He grunted as he spun her around and grasped at her wrists. The male pushed her up against the nearest tree, pressing her face into the bark as he neared her ear. "Alright ma, you wanna keep fucking with me? Fine." He nipped at the tip of her pointed ear. "We can keep fucking.." He aired out as his free hand grasped at the side of her pretty waist.

Eywa, she could hardly contain herself as he rubbed against her ass, roughly pressing himself against her. His cock felt hard against her, the feeling being completely new to her. She groaned out, her hands digging into the flesh of Lo'aks wrist. His grasp on her was unyielding as the two made out sloppily. He was rough, assertive, and so damn hot. His little sighs and grunts had her shaking her ass for more, the pressure of his cock becoming a nuisance. She was growing sick of the same motions, and with her clit throbbing beneath her untouched folds, she was growing irate. "Fuck..you really are a pussy huh? Too scared to actually fuck me.." Lo'ak only laughed in response, amused by her display. "Can't take it any longer Mama? I knew you'd break first. Want my dick huh?" He pulled gently at her loincloth, not quite removing it. He enjoyed leading her on, teasing her as she had done to him before.

"I don't think you've earned it yet..maybe if you beg for it I'll give in." Was he stupid? Had he fallen during his hunt? Who did he think she was? Y/N whined at his ultimatum, her head shaking as best as it could against the tree. "Damn..Lo'ak you're such a punk." She breathed out as she began to squish her thighs together, the slight friction bringing slight satisfaction. But it wasn't enough, and wasn't what she wanted. "Trying to prove a point Lo'ak? Or just mad your ego is bigger than your dick?" That struck a nerve. Y/N suddenly found herself a moaning mess as the young hunters fingers pressed at her clit. He continued this motion until finally, Y/N broke. "Lo'ak please! Just give it to me..I can't take it any longer." He smirked, his fingers slipping from her loincloth only to rip it off instead. "That's all you had to say Ma.." He smirked as he aligned his cock with her pretty pussy. Slowly he slid it in, the squeeze of her gushy cunt sending jolts of pleasure up his spine. "Fuck ma..you're so warm. Mm you love this don't you?" He moaned out as he began his rough pace with her. Y/N mewled as she stood onto her tippy toes, the pleasure within her pussy growing stronger. "Ohh this slutty cunt is sucking me in so good..is this what you wanted ma? Me to fuck the attitude outta you huh? Fuck..m'feels fucking incredible.

His hand finally released her wrists, allowing her to grasp at the trees as support. All while his other hand came up to tangle into her hair, somehow finding its way to her queue. He tugged gently at it, testing the waters. Y/N only jolted in response, the combined feelings beginning to overstimulate her. "Lo'ak please..please.." She whimpered out, her eyes softening as she glanced back at him. Their eyes met, Lo'aks smug look turning into one of fascination. He wanted to see her reaction again, and this time with her entire face. He slipped his cock out of her, her slick connecting the two with a squish. "I love that face you make mama...make it again for me hmm?" Lo'ak turned her around, and lifted her legs, pulling them around his waist with eagerness. He stretched his cock back into her, earning a gasp from her as he began to fuck back into her. Lo'aks hand found its way back to her queue, giving the same gentle tug and earning another whine of desperation. "It's so sensitive. S'too much Lo..." He grunted, leaning into her neck to lick harsh bite marks. "Say it again. What you just called me.."

"Lo..!" She cried out as his thumb found her sensitive clit. He brushed over it roughly, causing her legs to spasm with pleasure. And suddenly she couldn't hold it in anymore. Her orgasm felt like being heaven itself, a fog washing over her as she rode out her high. All the while, Lo'ak chased his own high, groaning out with a clenched jaw and hurried breaths. The warm gush of his cum dripping down the lips of her cunt sent a whimper out of her. The two remained still, Lo'aks face buried in her neck while Y/Ns fingers threaded through his braids. "If I knew teasing you that much would make you fuck me..I would've done it a long time ago.."

"Shut up ma.."

[chuuyasfanboy]

HII!! Could you do one with Dazai, Chuuya and Atsushi reacting to a reader who has one of those SHTWT accounts? It's a kind of strange request, but I've never seen anyone talk about it!!

I actually loved your blog, I'm currently hooked! <3

NOT a weird request at all! I dont have any social medias like this, but I interact with edtwt and have friends with both edtwt's and shtwt's, so I think I'm comfortable enough talking about the issue!

Now this may be very hypocritical of me BUT IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING MENTALLY PLEASE REACH OUT FOR HELP! Here's a link to a website with hotline numbers! Even if you cant get yourself to stop completely, please at least be save enough to keep living. Love you all mwah<3

https://www.pleaselive.org/hotlines/

Definitely didn't skip a matchup request to write this... Promise I'll get to you soon other person! I've had some ideas in mind heheheh

Dazai, Chuuya, and Atsushi (Seperate) x shtwt!Reader

Tw: Sh tw, mentions of edtwt in the ooc lol, spoilers dazai totally has a shtwt too</3

Dazai Osamu

Starting off with the worst reaction

Why is he the worst, you ask?

He has one too!

He totally followed you by accident because he just found this all so inspirational. And then you posted a tweet with the same joke you'd made earlier that day.

And oh he knew.

He's mad, but mostly because you never told him you were struggling.

He's the one who's supposed to be masking his emotions, damn it!

(I'm not sure if shtwt is the same way, but i know edtwt is chock full of motivational disgusting food images posting! I'm making those assumptions that its similar lol)

He definitely tries to convince you to get help, and he feels really bad for not actually being that worried.

He trusts you to keep yourself safe enough and so eventually he just gives up on the notion altogether

It doesnt take long for the two of you to be a bit more open with it all

He finally shows you whats under those bandages

It's worse than you think.

You're the one who convinces him to properly treat his cuts, and after enough bothering, you finally let him treat you the same.

Late nights when the two of you cant sleep, and he comes over.

The both of you in each others arms, disinfectant and fresh rolls of bandages discarded on the nightstand

While he may not be the one you go to for support, he definitely wont judge you for anything, not even a bit

And if you do decide to finally get help, he's there to cheer you on

Dont be fooled though, he wont be changing his ways at all

Good luck getting this stinker to find value in himself!

Chuuya Nakahara

He's got the best reaction, by far

He's trying not to judge you, really

It's not something he's ever had to struggle with these things, and the furthest he can really give you is an absurd amount of sympathy

The little experience he does have comes from his years with Dazai in the port mafia, but that was a long time ago and he hasnt had to think of it since

It brings up old memories...

You'd left it open on a private tab one night, and he found it when you asked him to look up something

He's about ready to cry, really, but he's strong

For you

He encourages you to get help, professional help

And if you decline, he doesnt push it much further

Instead, he offers you help directly

He cofiscates your razors the best he can, but he soon finds you manage to get them anyway

So he comprimises

When you forget to clean them, he does it for you

Buys you disinfectant and fresh bandages every time he knows youre running low, keeps your first aid stocked

Things like that

He politely asks to not be shown any fresh wounds, twitter post or not, and does his best not to think about the fact you post these things so openly and he hadn't even known

If you do decide to seek help, he's the most supportive.

He keeps you on your recovery plan, holds you close if you relapse, and never passes a single word of judgement your way

He's here for you, always

Atsushi Nakajima

Akutagawa found it before he did

Atsushi was told, immediately

He PANICS, and as soon as he sees you he pulls you aside

And he just cries into your arms

You're left so confused like?

What????

He understands why you didnt tell him, and he doesnt blame you for it

But he's still pretty upset

Moreso with himself than you

Again, like the other two, you'd been posting pictures of it all online and he had to be told!

He insists you get help, and he wont let up on it

Reminds you every day after a nicely times good morning text

"If you're feeling down make sure you call somebody before you do anything, okay?"

He's practically on his hands and knees begging you to unfollow the shtwt's you've bombarded your feed with

Suddenly he's terrified of looking over your shoulder at your phone, but also so afraid every time he isnt

He's really not good at sorting it out, his brain is scrambled and he's panicked every time he thinks about it

But he really does try hard to stay positive

And while one or two things he says may unintentionally come off as judgement, a good majority of his opinions on the topic is really just trying to get you help

He makes an alt account just to keep tabs on your shtwt

Its really obvious, made a day ago and following only you

You don't tell him that though<3

[eskildit]

the unwanted guest incoherent ramblings under read more so spoilers below:

did tamsyn muir enter my brain and ask "oh what would drive flora just absolutely insane" and then write that????? i have to WORK today!!!

i was literally just thinking about naberius and how different his relationships to ianthe and corona were. hes socially beneath both of them but ianthe and babs had more of a back and forth compared to the far more unbalanced dynamic between corona and babs.

and naberius' care for rules!!!! i was rereading the duel between gideon and naberius a bit ago and in addition to the obvious part of gideon breaking the rules, theres this tiny moment between naberius and magnus. naberius points out that hed be embarrassed to admit to losing to a fourteen year old, to which magnus makes a joke, gives babs a look, and naberius looks scolded. like for all his bitchy attitude he steps back into line when told to!

im forever gonna be rotating around in my mind the fact that babs was continuously cheated on. what a fascinating character detail. also my favorite line of the whole story was "I ruled him through fear and poison and he relaxed into it like a warm bath." woof.

AAAAAAAAA i am such a paldulcie girl so i dont even have interesting thoughts i just feel insane. i figured out around the third scene that the voice was dulcie and i had to take a lap around my apartment. them!!!! THEM!!!! other people smarter than me can unpack what the bible verse means but at a minimum hes saying shes like an angel. and the fact we never see her? that its this off stage revelation? i really think this story made great use of the stage play format but dulcie being a voice in the audience palamedes is speaking to is just. muah. perfection.

okay soul stuff!!! i had a prediction that this story was going to go into river or soul dynamics because like, its palamedes and ianthe. that sounds like what they would get up to. but im so intrigued by what this is now setting up! this certainly puts any remaining expectations of a true perfect lyctorhood to bed. it also presents a possible answer to why pyrrha was piloting g1deons body, that they had compartmentalized too much but her soul was still trying to graft on.

also have we officially proven abigail correct? that there is in fact something beyond the river? because thats what two shores would mean. one shore is the living crossing into the river, and the other shore crossing onto whatever lies past it. dulcie said she is out of the river, meaning she is at the shore beyond the river.

anyway, i love that ianthe is a liar who lies but also is just unwilling to accept facts that go against her worldview. queen of justification and denial <3

[kenthenugget]

Dear Watcher....

This is going to be about the youtube channel Watcher and a recent video that they released earlier today, so if you dont watch the channel, or older content produced by Ryan, Shane and Steven at Buzzfeed, this is not going to make sense to you. This only going to be for those who are a fan of Watcher, or are fans of Buzzfeed Unsolved so if you are, that's great!

Earlier today, I got a video notifcation from the channel titled, "goodbye youtube", and it was definitely not something I wanted to see. There is a recent trend this year of youtubers retiring or taking a break this year and I was scared this was that scenario. And it kind of was but way worse. Basically, the guys over at Watcher are going to be posting on their new streaming service called....Watcher. And, no, it is not a late April Fools joke, that's actually what their doing. Initially, I was in a state of shock after I watched through the entire video. I, no joke, went through the 5 stages of grief upon viewing this announcement and was thrown through a loop to where I struggled to focus on sketching one of my comic pages. So much so that I actually made a deviant blog post about it the moment I finished watching the video (most of the content from this post will be copied and pasted from that blog so declaimer I guess). After having some time to absorb this information, I have to say that Im really disappointed with the guys over at Watcher. Like Im not mad to where Im completely done with their content but.......WHY!?

I think at this point in time that a lot of people, myself included, are burnout with the whole streaming boom we've had for the past 5 years in no part thanks to those greedy bastards at Disney....but thats another story. I miss the days when there were only 2 to 3 main streaming services and not 5 billion other services that you need to buy in order to watch a show you like that was on Netflix but it now locked behind a pay wall. Streaming services used by a novelty concept but are now not looked upon in the best light. So for the them to announce a streaming service now is definitely a bad look, especially because the content before was free to access. I feel like creators will always have an uphill battle when it comes to content that was initially free being locked behind a paywall, because you're potentially isolating your audience and bringing up the question of weather your audience if loyal enough to give you money to enjoy your content. Now, like I said, I love and respect the people at Watcher, but I dont know if I'm willing to take money out of my wallet to watch the next season of Ghost Files. Especially in this economy, where in some parts of the country a big mac now costs 20 fucking dollars, and with inflation going out of control.

Now its not like I don't understand why they're doing this. Ever since its founding in 2019, Watcher has always had troubles with money, with most of their shows not being profitable enough to make ends meet (I know that sounds bs because most of their vidoes get millions of views but this is coming from one of the founders Steven, in an update video from a while ago so idk, views probably mean jack shit in the grand scheme of things). And the fact that they started around the pandemic didn't help things either. Unlike Buzzfeed, Watcher is a much smaller company so any loss that happens is felt much more than if it was a larger one. In the video itself, they mentioned that most of their money came through youtube ads and sponsorships, which, while alright if you're an independent creator, may not be enough for a company. And then there's the fact that YouTube can remove or demonetize videos out of nowhere and for the dumbest reasons so its not a very stable sight to base your income off of. So I can understand why they felt moving on from YouTube was a good idea. But..........I think there were better ways of going about it than creating their own fucking streaming service. Like, in one of their update vidoes, they said most of their shows werent making ends meet so maybe cutting back on the production of said shows to make them not as expensive to produce would be a good solution. In their announcement vid, they talked about wanting to maintain their high production value for their shows without going under but (and I dont mean this to slight them) I dont think they understand why they popped off in the first place. For me, Im not watching Ghost Files or Mystery Files for high production value and fancy graphics, Im there for Ryan and Shane. Same reason I loved Buzzfeed Unsolved, which compared to those shows is much more bare bones. I get wanting to step up your production value from what you had at Buzzfeed but if you have budget out in certain places which would entail having a season that doesnt look as good as the previous season, that's completely fine. Im sure me and the rest of fans wouldn't have minded a downgrade because at the end of the day, the fancy sets and graphics are window dressing to why we're truly watching.

I also thinking letting us know ahead of time would've possibly softened the blow. Watcher is in a very interesting situation because there's a much closer relationship between them and their customer base as opposed to traditional companies. So they really could've been like "hey! We're thinking about having future content be on our own streaming service because doing business through YouTube is fucking us over. What do you guys think?". One explanation as to why they waited until now instead of a few months ago when this idea was sparked could've been because they knew they would get backlash and they were going ahead with the streaming service idea regardless of fan input, which might be the reason. But if that's the case, they probably would've had the comments and likes disabled from the start. Right before I started typing this, I checked the video to see if the comments were disabled and they are thankfully still there. Im someone who always wants to see the good in people (which is definitely a character flaw of mine and while defiently lead to me being at the end of an abusive relationship........another abusive relationship but lets not go there), so I think this might be the case of Ryan, Shane and Steven, thinking the streaming service was a good idea and not reading the room properly.

At this point, Im hoping that they dont do things that could make this situation 10 times worse: a) removing the existing content (Mystery Files, Puppet History, etc) off the youtube channel and having it on their streaming service. If you are going to have new seasons of those shows behind a paywall, at least have that content still up for those who want to support but cant purchase the service......b) respond to the critism in a negative way. I think things would be made worse if they lumped genuine fans who are concerned with the new direction with the trolls and haters, and double down on this new direction. Im hoping this situation ends up being a slip up that they can learn from and not being the beginning of the downfall of the Watcher gang. No joke, I think Ryan and Shane are the only youtubers who have avoided any sort of drama up to now. Youtubers I once respected over the years from Tobuscus to Leafyishere to H3H3 to Idubbz to even fucking Dream have all fell from grace in one way or another, and Im hoping the ghoul boys dont join that list....

[aananyaidiot]

when do your parents just stop loving you? when do you turn from a precious kid to an useless

burden? when does the encouragement they gave you for that one ugly ugly drawing you made

in kindergarden turn into a slur? i know they loved me when i was 5 but i know they hated me

when i was 12. when in these 7 years did i turn from a prized possession to someone they just

want to throw out of their lives. some people assume their parents hate them and there is a

sense of relief in that because there is a benefit of doubt. what if they don’t? what if they actually

love me? what if im loved and my existence cherished? my parents, however, did not want me

to ponder over those questions. they told me straight to my face. my father told me quite calmly,

one eventful night in the bedroom how he wishes to just eradicate me from his life. my mother,

not so calmly, told me that she wishes i were never born. what is the point of the world if i wasn’t

even brought into this world with a smile? what is the point of trying hard at school when they do

not even appreciate the hard work? when i stay up till 3 in the night studying but wake up to be

suspected that i was probably using the phone all night long? what is THE POINT?

i am not mad or angry at them. i never was. i wish i was though. i am just angry at myself.

maybe they are right, maybe i do hurt people. someone did tell me that i just end up making

them feel bad about themselves. maybe all i am is a burden. maybe i am just gaslighting myself

into believing im a golden child, something they should cherish. right now as i stare at this

computer screen, half filled with words, i still crave their attention. i want them to tell me that

everything is okay and they love me, even though i dont deserve it. i just want my father to hold

me and tell me that the fact that i am trying makes them feel much prouder than his friend feels

when his daughter got admitted into a great college. i tell people that i am not a weakling and

don’t believe in God, much of this disbelief arises from the fact that my parents don’t love me

even though i try my best but the guy i met in the bus 5 days ago with an expensive phone tells

me his father told him that he was proud of him when he got a 69/100 in a math test.

i love them with my heart, it is true but sometimes, their words, they just hurt me. i am pretty

much immune to offensive comments and things that make people hurt. for instance, one day

my mum calmly told me while literally banging her heads with her hands how i drive her crazy. i

was 12. i was a kid, i did not know what that meant. i broke into tears, i cried my heart out and

she did not even care. one time, i was talking to a friend of mine and she snatched the phone

and hung up abruptly. feeling confused, i asked her in a slightly louder voice why would she do

that. i ended up getting a scolding and she did not talk to me for 2 days. she did not talk to the

kid who she brought into this world for 2 days. why? just for a phone call?

i see the people with their perfect families and parents who do not make them feel bad when

they do not get the best grade. i smile at the kid and his mother when they both are laughing

over something. it feels liberating and smells of nostalgia. i do not know what normal families

are like, with normal fathers and mothers who do not tell you everyday of how big a burden you

are. who do not doubt you every time you get 2 marks less than the maximum. who feel it is

alright to take breaks. i wonder how it feels to be cherished. i am not sad. the kid is laughing

with his mother over a joke and the world is okay. i am okay.

[big-greer]

I know i dont usually post stuff like this, for the longest time if you had asked me what my gender was id say i was a regular guy..but in truth i say that but i never really felt like i "Fit" with the term guy. Like in my brain whenever i think of myself i never really think specifically about being a male. Before i just assumed "oh its cause i am one, obviously i wouldnt consciously think of that. its sort of a given" but looking back that clearly wasnt the case, always joked how i barely counted as a guy and most people either would laugh like its a joke but a few days ago a coworker asked why..and i sort of froze up cause i had never really stopped and asked myself why? Like i knew i didnt act like a normal guy, i didnt think like one, i never had that attachment to the title of being male. so i always felt this disconnect from manhood, and even when my father tried to teach me to be a man it always felt like i was just an outsider looking in and learning a lesson through a window or something. he tried all kinds of stuff you would expect a "manly" guy to know, hell he even taught me how to track through a forest (would cut notches in trees and we walked from the top of a mountain to the bottom and had me lead us back following the marks he made. yeah dad take your like 14 year old to the fucking bottom of a mountain and make me track cut marks like some legendary hunter lol). and he would always explain what manhood was and i just....it never connected to me you know? i always chocked that up to the fact my dad was never really around (after he and ma divorced he sorta slowly dissapeared from my life till he was dead one day) and so i figured i wasnt like a regular guy cause i was raised by like, 95% woman only so i thought that might be why? but as ive come to realize it isnt that and ive just never really vibed with the idea of being just a guy, its never clicked for me.

Now dont get me wrong, the idea of using she/her pronouns actually is uncomftorable to me so now i feel like im sort of just floating here? in between gender in my own sort of like...little world and im worried about doing it right. Yeah i know "oh i want to do good at gender which is a logical and reasonable thing that can be done" i know i know. But like, i dont want to wear makeup and dresses and stuff (though nail polish would be nice, perhaps a good black would be cool.) and i feel like i dont particularly want to wear any womans clothing? i like guy clothes, there comfy, fit me nice, and for obvious reasons they are all i got lol. Also i like having my goatee and facial hair so thats also a thing. i just worry that after browsing the nonbinary tag that cause of stuff like this i wouldnt be good at being nonbinary, or that i would do it wrong. OH also that i would still be comfortable with people using he/him pronouns as well as they/them but wouldnt feel comftorable with somebody using she/her ones (perhaps this is just cause he/him pronouns are all ive known my entire life and thats why im more comfy with them). yeah all that makes me worried id be doing nonbinary wrong, which i know is a dumb sentence cause nobody can do gender "wrong" and that its a personal thing that is up to only the person whose gender its about feelings on the situation. but that lingering doubt is still in my mind, that i will be some sort of fraud or not ACTUALLY nonbinary and stuff. cause lord knows alot of tumblr views nonbinary as just "WOMAN 2" and if you arnt some hyper androgynous person you arnt actually nonbinary and i know i know, i shouldnt care what fuckin morons on tumblr say.

But gender stuff is new to me, VERY knew. Lord knows i still have strange feelings towards being ace and sometimes worry im not "ACE" enough to be considered ace. so im def still fighting some internal demons about this stuff. But having good friends around is helping out alot and i cant even imagine how id handle dealing with this sort of stuff alone (cause lord knows what little family i got left wouldnt be the most...supportive) anyway uh, gender is fuckin wild and confusing and stupid and simple and everything and nothing and lord does it give me a headache.

[frostytherobot]

Maybe plenty of white leftists might have expressed annoyance at identity politics, but wanting representation in media is not a political act or should be described as the problem. By anyone. Even people who say they dont like homophobia. Or championed women 10 years ago or whatever those tags said. (im sorry i cant read them while im writing this :)

Let me also say I fully agreed with their evidence with their Scientist man schtick, that Ghostbusters 2016 was manipulated by the studios to stoke controversy because the movie was unfunny. Because they were right, it was very unfunny. I saw it. So i believe its very true that creating an artificial controversy can get people to see a movie/show. Mike knows all about that fact, he reported about it with the Ghostbusters controversy, but yet still he flames on this acolyte controversy with this both-sidesism stuff. Saying that somehow identity-politics is equal part the problem. Between people who want diversity in their media and those who do not want it. i dont see how anyone doesn't see the inherent bigotry in that. Unless you see white straightness as the default. Especially when star wars has how many dozens and dozens of shows/movies? and only relatively recently has diversity crept into it. If you don't like the acolyte show, thats ok, dont watch it, watch something else. What's the problem?

Maybe you are right that they just are not using their words correctly. I might even buy that cause i love their content, and do not want to think of them like this, but that video felt tortured in trying to appease right wing bigotry by saying not wanting diversity is on equal footing as wanting it. does anyone actually believe that? Because it sounded like he was saying that by calling identity-politics the problem

trust me i'm also fucking sucking ducking tired (lol that is a great line) with trying to calmly explain that wanting diversity in media is only political if you see "white straightness" as the default.

thank you for listening.

peace and love.

Maybe it’s just not coming across to me in the way they worded things that they inherently think of whiteness/straightness/cisgenderness as the default. But then again, they’re white guys.

I do think that while Mike seems to act like he doesn’t care about what people think of him, he feels the need to tiptoe around his language or hide it behind (not great) jokes, because it is his channel and the way he and his friends can afford to live, all things considered. It’s a problem with trying not to alienate the kind of audience he’s accumulated over the years, and the comments section on that video does indicate the kind of vapid, idiotic audience they have. That’s another conversation totally, and one that needs to be had, but not really what I’m talking about right now.

I think I do understand what you’re saying though, showing both progressive and reactionary views on media being part of the problem is kinda shitty, BUT I don’t totally think they were trying to say people seeking representation are the problem. Moreso championing the products of a corporation that don’t write well-rounded and three dimensional characters, especially doubling down to fight with reactionaries is. When we have algorithms always feeding us things that are tailor-made to make us angry, it’s a problem that we’re feeding that machine. Again, I just think they’re really bad at what they’re trying to say, especially because Mike has a tendency to poke the bear with just about everything. Another problem considering that doesn’t come off well in serious conversation, but that’s just how he is.

I will say I don’t know their full views on everything, but because of the opinions they’ve shared in the past and the discussion they had with diverse representation in other shows and how much they like them, I don’t think they’re bigoted. Maybe just stupid. But perhaps that’s just me wanting to think the best of them, because I do understand where they’re coming from even if they’re not articulating it properly, and I do understand being angry with them because of that.

I really don’t want to seem like I’m arguing blindly for two people I don’t know, but I don’t want to outright claim they’re the same kind of people who are totally opposed to marginalized people existing in media. Peace and love to you too!

[anti-endo-safe-space]

Where do i begin.. i guess im just gonna rant really. I only fairly recently (as a month or so ago) became anti endo. And to say that takes a lot, really. I used to be a diehard supporter, that nobody should be silenced, but it didnt help that my first introduction to systems was, unfortunately, a pro endo server that basically indoctrinated me. "Dont ask too many questions or else your a sysmed". God i hate the word sysmed now because of realizing how stupid of a term it is. Like??? Your for real gonna get mad at people with the actual disorder telling you your not having the disorder???? Yk, the people who are actually diagnosed???? Your gonna play make believe???

A lot of excuses endos make is that the brain is so complex that it cant possibly be just because of trauma, but. Its literally been proven multiple times its from trauma or another source of dissociated identity (ex, bpd and did being comorbid as we have it, along with trauma). We even had a friend who literally decided to go to school for psychology, WHILE THEY WERE PRO ENDO. like im sorry but your gonna sorely be disappointed that the disorder is in fact a disorder!

Endogenics made my own system discovery and journey ten times harder because of their reluctance to answer questions in a clear way, and now our system feels.. flipped on its head, almost. Nobody talks about when your a system an your headmates have opposing views of endogenics. It fucking sucks. It fucking sucks that endogenics were stemmed from an over 20 year old anti did campaign. It sucks it stemmed from ableism. It all fucking sucks.

Ive lost friends from my realization, ive lost mutuals, ive lost people i held no malice towards, and i was more than willing to let them have their opinion that opposed mine. I dont care. But it hurts that the did community in general has become so hostile. We cant even have spaces where we can speak of our disorder without being fakeclaimed or infiltrated by people who dont even have our disorder. Its frustrating that so many endogenics try an separate the disorder part and make them seem totally separate to themselves, or outright erase our experiences. An its so fucking frustrating.

I want to be good for our system. I want to better ourselves for all of us. But endogenics really love bringing out the little hater in me now that i see the truth (and lies) that people say they have good faith towards. Is it really good faith when your making a fucking joke out of our trauma disorder??? No, jamie, you cant just magically spawn anime boy 420 in your head an say hes a totally separate person. Your brain is still in your skull, not split off an on the sidewalk next to you.

I dunno. This may be coherent, it may not, idk. Im tired though. Im tired of being in such a hostile community that doesnt know how to treat people with DID anymore NORMALLY. i may not have control on the outer world around me, but i can sure as hell try and help my inner community, the did community, to make it safer from misinformation. Its just hard.

!!!

[cdyssey]

Elsbeth (1.10) Reactions:

as always, spoilers under the cut ☺️

ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS!!! LAURA BENANTI!!

THIS EPISODE OF TV IS FOR MEEEE! <33

OH, YES. I absolutely adore that we’re not going to get the culprit straight off the bat. It’s a good and a welcome subversion

SKFJSJSKSJ, Elsbeth blaming her fashion sense on her knees. But also, that red ensemble is stunning.

Yay, Donnelly!!

Kaya calling Elsbeth because she knows she would want to see the festival up close. 😭

“Huh, have a hunch?” / “Ha, I usually do by now, don’t I? But I don’t.” And that thoroughly shocks Elsbeth herself. I really love that we’re getting to see her off-kilter and how it messes with her sense of self. Elsbeth KNOWS she’s damn good at what she does, and so when she’s off, she’s off.

wow, that pantsuit on Donnelly. 😍

“And because she’s good at it.” Kaya defending her gf. <33

NOT ELSBETH CRYING NO. I CAN’T TAKE IT!

NO!!!!

“Dont leave without saying goodbye.” You just kicked her off of the job she loves, man. You can’t say THAT to her too. 😭

“Can we still talk about the case?” / “um, I can’t really think about that right now.” Baby is too distraught to even think about solving high-profile homicides. :((

“Like combination nail polish and staple remover.” / “Sounds like a winner.” lmao

“And also in the healing power of the sun and certain textiles.” ALAKDJJAS, ELSBETH’S FACE

I love that Nadine is a dumbass.

Laura Benanti kissing Elsbeth’s cheek is the stuff of dreams!

The pawn owner giving a hyper specific definition of Pangaea lmfao. This show does throwaway jokes so well.

I could watch Donnelly, Kaya, and elsbeth forever. Best trio. Kaya and Donnelly’s deadpan humor just works so well as a foil to Elsbeth’s general cheeriness.

“I don’t respect it, but it works.” 🥺

Laura benanti is so hot

Aww, Nadine sharing cookies with Elsbeth!! Love that she unironically likes Elsbeth.

“I get hodgepodge and hot mess.” Don’t listen to them, sweetie. Ur a fashion icon.

Matteo making an Elsbeth inspired show!!!!! He gets it!!!!!!!!! I don’t even care if he’s the murderer!!!!!!! (He so totally is.) He gets it!!!!!!!!

Elsbeth’s reluctance immediately turning into eagerness when Matteo offers up Nadine as her fashion coach. I know what you are!

“And I saw your sports illustrated spread. That bathing suit totally showed your—“ ELSBETH GESTURING TO HER WHOLE MIDSECTION. HELP ME THAT IS SO FUNNY. I NEED A GIF OF THAT NOW

“Well, I can’t figure out everything for you, can I?” Gkdkskskwkwosk

“Now, remember, chin up.” [Nadine gently tilts Elsbeth’s chin.] god bless this show for its commitment to constructing such intimate moments of connection between Elsbeth and other women every single episode

Gonzo! Glad they brought her back.

Matteo: “That was twenty years ago… before Nadine had an accent.”

Dear god, the pangaea project ☠️

Elsbeth’s instincts being off because she’s upset about having to leave the precinct is such a nice touch. Oh, god, the way her voice goes all wobbly.

“I came here with an assignment from the Department of Justice and maybe you think I was wrong to accept that because you think you’re above blame, but I did my best to be fair, and you know, there was plenty of evidence that made you look bad.”

OH, perfect moment, writer’s room. It would have been so easy to let Elsbeth sit there and take the unfairness, but the fact that she stands up for herself is a fundamental truth of her character that we’ve seen time and time again throughout the season. She’s not a pushover. She’s not dumb. And she’s the furthest thing from weak.

And she will damn sure let you know it.

“Okay then. I guess you’re right, as you always are. My work here is done.” GET HIS ASS!!!

Kaya: “I’ll be there.” 😭

Kaya immediately turning back to Wagner. “What was she supposed to do?”

YES, I NEED THIS PERSONAL DRAMA! Up the stakes between the main characters! Give them deeply intimate things to fight for or to fight about!!

That Kaya/Elsbeth hug. 😭😭

Donnelly: “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m gonna miss you.” GKSKSKSK, Donnelly running away from her hug.

Matteo exuberantly pointing at Elsbeth and it immediately cutting to her looking like the saddest little kitten. 😭

Elsbeth, violently sobbing: “I don’t know. I think… I think I’ve lost my mojo.” OKAY, I HATE TO SEE HER CRY, but the angst lover in me is also enjoying this deeply.

Nadine trying to comfort her, stroking her arm. 🌈

MY FUCKING GOD LOOK AT KAYA. LOOK AT HOW HOT SHE IS. WHAT THE FUKC

THAT DRESSSSS AUWHGJA!

Wagner showing up to the fashion show, lmao. They filmed that like the end of The Parent Trap when the dad shows up at the end again.

“Oh, I wish I didn’t have to do this.”Elsbeth’s tenderness and compassion towards Matteo—(towards so many of the culprits)—is just stunning. Absolutely character defining.

“I’m old, darling. Time collapses.” Gorgeous way to put it.

Love the high drama of the whole Nick/Nadine/Ezra/Matteo story.

For Good Wife/Fight fans, was Celetano a character over there, or is he a new invention?

Elsbeth and Laura Benanti still hanging out!!!

“… but actually, they’re far worse than what I imagined.” QLLQOQKWOEKDMSKW

“Thank you for teaching me how to notice things… and for being my friend.” 😭 Oh, that little break in Kaya’s voice.

Elsbeth grabbing her hands. 😭😭

“I know a bunch of people died, but we did have a lot of fun.” / “Yeah.” this is the fun of Kaya and Elsbeth, too, that they have an ungodly amount of fun solving gruesomecrimes.

ELSBETH GETTING AN OFFICE! YAYAYAYAY! KAYA EXCITED ABOUT BEING OUTSIDE OF ELSBETH’S OFFICE! KAYA GOING TO BE A DETECTIVE!! ELSBETH AND KAYA SO EXCITED TOGETHER! WAH!!

final thoughts on the finale: oh, this was such a wonderful episode—I had a goddamn blast.

I really hate to say it because I think the howcatchem gimmick is what makes Elsbeth structurally unique as a procedural, but not knowing the culprit worked for me so well for me in this episode. It was fun to piece it together with her, and even to watch her struggle a bit as she dealt with other stressors. That was all great—I felt both grounded in Elsbeth’s emotional state and invested in the case as it gradually unfolded. André and Laura were excellent guest stars! They understood the Elsbeth assignment of high camp fnekdnsns. Carra Patterson and Wendell Pierce were fantastic as always, too, but I have to admit, I wish the Wagner corruption plot had been more interesting in general.

(He was never ever going to be the antagonist, but having it be Noonan felt a little anticlimactic after all the cool set up. 😭 I sort of wish we’d gotten one last quiet moment between Elsbeth and Wagner to talk about it, too.)

looking ahead, I’m so, so excited for what Elsbeth has in store. Carrie Preston is just a delight, from start to finish. There is a high chance I’m going to start binging TGW/F soon just to get a chance to see her at the start. :’)

I really hope that S2 leans into more of the elements that made the finale such a treat—like not being afraid to shake up the formula and playing to personal drama/stakes/moments between the central cast. They’re all gorgeous characters, and I desperately want to know more about their internal lives, and share some of those tiny, unseen moments with them. and if that means sacrificing some of the screen space that would have originally been used to get to know a culprit better, I think that’s absolutely okay from time-to-time. <3

But overall, Elsbeth has genuinely and quickly become one of my favorite new finds of 2024. It’s fun and clever. It doesn’t take itself seriously, which I think is crucial to the DNA of the show. And yet, it has such a big heart at its core, which is what gives it life.

I’m going to miss it sm while it’s on hiatus!! Thursdays just got a whole lot duller.

[hirik0]

Save with you Part 2

part 1

09Soap/Ghost Omegaverse AlphaSoap, OmegaGhost

Ghost just want to die he puked his insites out for the last 2 days and now had a very annoying fever. Dr Bloomberg explained to him that this is a mix off the new drug and the reaction of his body brutaly been forced out of heat. She also told him that he will stay here for at least a week, while he puked nearly all over her shoes he stoped feeling bad about it. He is so hungry, but with the fact that he just stoped punking nearly 3 hours ago they stay with intravenous infution to keep him alive, they told him he can eat something when hes not puking for a minium of 24 hours and then it will only be soup. The only think he to lift his mood is Price visiting him. He clearly will put a stop to Dr. Bloombergs ridiculous ideas of him getting a mate. He also hopes shes wrong about him going in heat on a regular basis, this cant happen. He will just not exept this. One heat, its a coincidence maybe stress realted he will not begin to have a cycel again. He dont need a mate, and still everytime hes thinking about this topic a sea brise and the smell of jew is hauting his nose. Honestly a improvement to the constant smell of puke that is stucked in his nose. He also so fucking tired and from time to time a headache is causing him to get nausish again. The only reason hes not throwing up again are the medication they gave him against it.

When Price finally visites Ghost, the fever is getting worse. Price looks at him with concern and a hint of pity. "Price", Ghost says whinnie he just wants to sleep the fever making his hole body feel like a oven everymuscleis hurting. "You look like shit", Price says having to fight down his Alpha instincts because Ghost is very a sick Omega at the moment and dont need or want to be babied. "Thanks I worked really hard on it", Ghost jokes rasing Price mood a bit with his shitty comment. "Dr. Bloomberg told me that your reaction to the get a mate idea being a big no. If they have to put you in a coma all the time you can't work anymore." Ghost makes a displeased face at this, it's not like he ignores his health, he just dont need a mate. "I made a list off Alphas that will help you through your heats, if they are now coming back regular. I'm so sorry Simon." hearing the truthfulness in Price voice makes this just so much worse. "Who?", Ghost presses throw his teath, half hiding his face in the pillow. "Roach, Ozone, Soap and me", Price answers and hearing about Soap making him feel a little bit better. And if he wasn't so sick this would have ticked of a alarm in his head. Still he's making a pleased pure that Price picks up on. "Dr. Bloomberg is getting a expert on how trauma is effecting heats on the base, please don't kill her." Ghost wants to answer a yes Sir, but instead he puke on Price boots. "Get better soon Simon", he just says while his Alpha instincts scream at him to take care of the sick Omega.

The expert Professor Kim Hastings, is a small Omega woman, with the most annoying personality Ghost ever meet. She's the cliche of a bubbly, happy Omega, most Alpha claim to want but could not handel. Dr. Bloomberg looks like this is even to much for her. "Professor please remember what I told you about the Lieutenant", Dr. Bloomberg says clearly picking up the annoyance of Ghost after the Professor introduced herself and her research. "Of course I'm sorry. I just get very excited to talk about my research, like al scientist", Hastings answers in a lot more toned down voice. "So, I was told a lot of 'that's classified' about your past. I was told you survived several months as a prisoner and didn't had a heat till the end of last week. This is no heat in 7 years, that's the longest time I heard of. Usally my patients come to see me after 2-3 years. Many get very unsettled with out going in heat so long, I gues Omegas that dont have problem with not having a heat also would not reach out to me." Ghost just blinks at her unimpressed he really would prefer that it wasn't necessary for her to be here. "I was also told by Dr. Bloomberg that you would prefer to not get heats again." Ghost just nods, carefully listing for judgement in her voice finding non. "It's possible that this is just a stress heat, but this depends a bit on how you felt at the beginning of the heat." "What to you mean?", Ghost ask starting to bite his lower lip. "My patients often say their heat get triggered by a person that makes them feel extremely save. Often a potential mate or their mate. But they are also not in the military so this could not be the case here. You are honestly my first Omega solider, so i dont have any data to pull from. So please tell me a bit about what the last mission in very vague terms." Ghost feels like something is try to force itself in to his consciousness, scratching, howling, tearing at the walls he built around himself as a form of protection. "Captain MacTavish and I where on a 3 month surveillance mission in Asia." "Is the Captain a Alpha?" "Yes." Ghost heart is starting to race. "You know eachother for a long time?" "5 years." Dr. Bloomberg nervously looking at how Ghost heart rate is rising, smelling how Ghost scent is filling the room. Prof. Hastings just nods to herself writing down something on her notepad. "You would say he's a good Alpha?" "I guess yes?" Ghost answers unsure not having to think about this in a long time, the Professor clearly used to Omegas not able to give a clear answer to this. He don't like this, this is reaching uncomfortable territory his Omega instincts are rising like a phoenix out of the ashes after being not part of his live for 7 years, while is heart is trying to leave his rip cage. "When did you notice first indicators of a heat aproaching?" "On the flight back to base." "Is it possible you didn't notice it before because you where focused on the mission?" "It's possible." Ghost swallos, his scent is getting more prominent with every question. "What did you feel and I dont mean heat symptoms." Reality is bulldozing over Ghost. The word SAVE flashing in bright lights and gigantic letters in his brain. He felt save, because he was with Soap. He sees Soap as a potential mate. "Save", he says in a oddly empty way.

To Professor Hastings credit she didn't showed her exitment over this. She's learned the hard way that not all her patients like this part of the trauma healing journey, most of them got their trauma from a piece of shit Alpha in the first place. "If it makes thinks a little bit better, your next heat is atleast 6 months away, so a lot of time to figure everything out." Ghost don't think this makes anything better, he don't want to figure thinks out, he wants thinks to stay the same. Rage is filling Ghost up, about the situation, the feeling of absolute lost of control over his live, his stupid body and his stupid instincts for choosing bloody MacTavish as a potential mate. Dr. Bloomberg wants to say something but the Professor stops her clearly knowing that Ghost needs to come to terms on his own. The two women are leaving the room.

"You can call me when their are complications with his recovery, also don't push him. It will just damagethe process, from now one everything is going to happen in his speed", the Professor explains with a serious look on her face. "This man is so bloody stubborn, I honestly would prefer this was just a stress heat", Dr Bloomberg sighs, knowing that Ghost will end up in medical the second his next heat is coming. "Can I meet Captain MacTavish?", Hastings asks so she can give a prognosis on parts of the recovery. "No. If you weren't the only expert in the UK you wouldn't even have seen the Lieutenant." "But my research", the Omega protests not willingto get pushedaroundby a Alpha. "Professor you just talked with the most dangerous solider on this base nothing of this will go in your research. People kill to get the tiniest information on him. Your notes will stay on this base, otherwise your in a lot of shit with the government and the taskforce", Dr Bloomberg states in a final tone that there will be no exceptions. "Are you threatening me Doctor?", the Omega ask getting a bad feeling about the situation. "No, but the higher ups only agreed to let you see the Lieutenant because they want him back in the field, they don't care about your research. But your patients care about you and need you, it's not worth it Professor Hastings. Just give me your notes." The Omega swallow at how with out any emotional the Alpha said it. It is not a threat of the doctor, its just the facts of the situation. "What if I need to come back?" "You can look at them then. To refresh you memory." "What if I have a thought about the situation if I'm not allowed to have any notes of base?" The Alpha looks at her with a stern expression. "You don't have these." " So I should just pretend I was never here?" "Yes." Professor Hastings mouth drops open, to what exactly did she agree here? "What is the Lieutenant like a James Bond or something like this?" Bloomberg laughts at this before saying: "It's close enough. But I think even James Bond would look under his bed to makes sure the Lieutenant is not under it." Hastings is laughing nervously hopeing this is just some strange military joke. "When I told you this Omega is the most dangerous solider on base I meant it", the Doctor says to make clear she was not joking. Which shacking hands the Professor give up her notes.

Ghost wants to crawl up the walls of this room over 2 weeks he's in medical now and he just wants to go. He has to much time to think, about Soap being a potential mate, about how much it hurts that Soap didn't visited him ones since Dr Bloomberg gave the green light and he don't randomly throws up any more. Archer and Ozone were good sports about it, telling him that they understand the joke are so bad you want to puke. They also talked about the plan for his heat so that all three of them agree to the same thing. Roach and Price also ask about what to do if Ghost goes into heat again, the only one missing is Soap. Theoretical one of the other could just tell him, its just logistics really, but it fucking hurts. Everyone in the taskforce came to visit just not the person he wants to see. He trys to rationalise it, Soap is a Captain so he has lot of thinks to do and it just simply dosent fit in his full schedule. A very unhelpful part of his brain reminds him that before the incident, Soap would sometimes do paperwork while visiting him in medical, so it can't be his schedule. The next thing is that Soap had to be on a mission, just because he's in a coma for 4 days and then 2 weeks sick because they gave him some new shit don't mean that Soap is not needed in the field. But Roach would ask him everytime if Soap had shown up, becoming angrier and angrier with every no. The only logical conclusion is Soap don't want to see him and this hurts. Does Soap sees him as less now because he's an Omega? Fuck, he needs to get out of here. Unknown to Ghost Roach is screaming at Soap right now about exactly why he can't just go visit Ghost for 15 minutes. "Just go and visit him, Soap. You can continue to throw your pity party after you where there", Roach screams not carrying if anybody overhears, he lost his patience seeing how it clearly hurts his best friend that Soap is not visiting. The problem screaming at Soap just activates his stubbornness. "Why, it's my fault he ended up there in the first place." "Soap just stop being a fucking wanker for 5 minutes and actully listen to what I'm telling you for 5 days now." "Fine", Soap presses throw his theet. "Ghost wants to see you. He's not blaming you, so for the love of the bloody Queen just go and viste him." Soap bits his lip the now familiar feeling of guilt replacing his stomach growing bigger. "Okey 15 minutes", he finally agrees, because he has the feeling that Roach reached the point he would drag him to Ghost hospital room if he has to. "That's all I'm asking for. And now let's go so you can't chicken out of it." Soap stands up and is taking the file he's working in with him. Ever since Price told him that Ghost is allowed visitors he's found a sudden interested in keeping the recruit files up to date.

Ghost looks up from his book and sees how Roach is pushing Soap in the room before closeing the door again. He raises his evebrow in a silent question while Saop sits down on the chair next to his bed. His insticts are telling him to pure because Soap is finally here. Not caring that's not by choice. "Eh, Roach was very convincing that i should finally show up here", Soap states a bit emberrased. Ghost just keeps his eyebrow up. Time starts to streach itselfe while they look at eachother in uncomfortable silence. Ghost us looking at Soap, Soap seem to found a very interesting spot on the floor. Soaps heart is ponding, he feels like he will throw up, not knowing what to say, where to start. His instincts roaring to finally being able to scent the Omega. "Im, sorry", Soap finally says. "For what exactly?", Ghost ask unsure, picking the skin at his finger nails. "It's my fault you're in this situation isn't it?" Ghost looks at him confused, stops the movement of his fingers for a short moment. "What do you mean?", Ghost ask for further clarification. "Your heat, I mean I must have triggerd it, it was just us for 3 months.", Soap explains his train of thought, starting to bounce his legs because of his own nerves. "Soap, from what i understand the expert said, this was actully my fault, if anyone has to be at fault." Soap looks up from the floor to finally meet Ghost eyes. "What?" "Its something with me healing from Roba, that's what triggert the heat", Ghost explains vaguely not wanting to go in to more detail. "Thats good right?", Soap ask unsure, feeling relieved but also that Ghost is hiding something from him. "Im not sure yet, but.." ,Ghost stops mid sentence clearly debating with himself if he should continue. "But?", Soap encourages, needing to know. "But Im glad it happend around you, because I know you would never do something like Roba to me anyone", Ghost finishes the sentence. Claim the thought is burning itself in Soaps brain, his instincts want to claim Ghost, make him his mate, making sure the Omega is feeling save. "Did you not viste because you thought i would blame you?", Ghost ask dreading the answer. Soap dont answers verbaly but the face hes making is telling Ghost everythink he needs to know.

[necroromantics]

Properly addressing the drama

For the millionth time (The tone on this entire post is lighthearted and not mad)

I'm gonna start this off by saying that I have made multiple posts apologizing for my past actions, and acknowledging the harm I have caused in the past. I have apologized sorta- directly to Void (my friend sent my apology to them cuz Void didnt want me to contact them which I respected). I know I bring up my ASPD a lot, but please try to understand that personality disorders are dysfunctional behaviours ingrained into someones way of thinking/acting. I never want to excuse my bad behaviour, which is why I am fully open to hearing the others side. I do fully acknowledge that the jokes I made a year ago were in very bad taste now. At the time, I was very deep into drug addiction, in communities that encouraged my bad behaviour, and I grew up with people who held very discriminatory beliefs. This is my explanation for why I made those jokes. I'm trying to explain how my brain works, because it very clearly doesn't work how "normal people"'s brains do, which is why I was diagnosed in the first place. I understand my behaviour was harmful and incorrect, I take full accountability for what I have done, and I am slowly learning how to combat these habits and mindsets that I have grown up with. Its just very hard to do so when these things are heavily ingrained into me, and Im constantly bombarded with drama and being dehumanized and treated like a problem rather than a person. This is the ableism I have faced my entire life, and it follows here too.

I have mental disabilities of my own (very severe ADHD), I have been bullied a lot growing up for it, and also why I actively reclaim the R slur. But I grew up around people who would make fun of me, and people like me, and the way my brain works is that I'm not able to empathize or feel bad for people struggling with things like disabilities or whatnot. At the time, I didn't acknowledge that it was wrong, because to me that was normal and ok. I know now that it's not, and I'm in a place where (for the most part) I am able to try and consider right/wrong.

I do apologize if my tone in my posts or anything has come off as hostile or aggressive. I have a bad habit of that because of my hyperactivity where I speak faster and louder than I can control, which reflects into my tone in text. I have said numerous times that I'm not interested in fighting with minors. My intention was never to cause drama, but to defend my name against people making posts on me, which I have every right to do after they have spent 5 months straight constantly stalking and harassing me.

I do understand that they are all minors. In the past, they got mad at me for not wanting to interact with them due to their age. So it doesn't make sense that they're pulling the age card now. I swear from the bottom of my heart that I am not interested in any of this drama. Ive said it before, but I dont expect forgiveness or people to like me. All I want is to be left alone, and given space to continue my recovery for my mental health issues.

The reason why I bring up their ableism towards me isn't because I want to play victim, or to turn away from what I have done, or use it as an excuse. I take full accountability for what I have done, and talking about my ASPD is my way of explaining why I may think, talk, or act in certain ways. I have been very open about my ASPD from the beginning of this account, and on Discord. My issue is the fact I am being harassed, and have been for nearly half a year now even though I have long cut contact and blocked all of them, because I have "no morality", and I lack empathy. I think that is entirely dehumanizing and stimatizing towards people, not just me, who suffer from these things. If I am expected to take accountability for my ableism, which I have been, then I expect the same from these people as well.

I have screenshots where these people have talked about "cancelling" me on Tumblr way back in January. I have screenshots of death threats, and inappropriate things they have said about me. I understand they are all minors, but my ASPD doesn't excuse my bad behaviour, and their age doesn't excuse theirs.

This was never about caring about those effected by the jokes I made. These people have a long history of trying to cause drama for the sake of drama, and they have tried to do it with another big creator who I wont name. Also my DMs are open if anyone has any concerns, or wants to communicate about this maturely, I've always wished them well and hoped they would find peace and happiness in their lives as I have been trying in mine. Constant thriving off of drama is not good for anyone. Ive stated in the past Im not interested in that. I would like to move on from things that happened half a year to a year ago.

I have already been contacted by those who were involved in the January drama to get on better terms, which I very much appreciate.

I do not have the time or energy to cause unnecessary beef with random kids online. I have kept entirely to myself about this until they made a very public "call out post" about me where I do appreciate them showing me what I still needed to acknowledge and own up to in my past, but they cropped screenshots, not shown context, twisted stories, and have lied about me publicly on other things. My posts have only been about clearing my name and sharing my side. My only concern is telling my side. Anyone else would do the same with the things they have been saying.

I wish them all well wholeheartedly, and I want to make it clear I'm not mad, though I will admit I was for a bit there which is understandable when I have reached a tipping point after 5 months or so of non-stop harassment that I have tried my best to ignore.

I never cared to take any of this too seriously because it's the internet, and I know more than anyone who I am, what I believe, and how hard I'm working. No one else can speak on that, because none of you know me, really. But I have seen how they have insulted people who have nothing to do with the drama, calling someone a 'freak', flooding someones comments on a completely unrelated video, harassing random people in their DMs simply for being in my server. Many people of these are minors. I'm not going to let them do that to random, innocent people. That is entirely unfair how I am not allowed to say a slur I can reclaim, but they are allowed to go out of their way to bully innocent people who have nothing to do with me.

Thats where my issue lies. Thats what makes me upset. I'm a grown man, I have a life, I can defend myself and speak on my own issues. I've said many many times I don't want anyone to involve themselves in the drama, because honestly I think its a waste of time. If they truly cared about what they say they do, they would reach out to me, and we can talk maturely about it as I have done with some people previously associated with them.

I'm not asking for forgiveness, or for people to defend me, or take my side, or anything. All I am asking is that you stop stalking and harassing me, let me live my life in peace as Ive been trying to do, and please leave people alone who have nothing to do with this situation, and that includes my friends. I'm sure none of us want this to continue. Thank you.

(Also, I wanted to add onto the ASPD aspect of this cuz Ive been bringing it up a lot and I wanted to make it clear why. The way my brain works due to my mental health conditions is that I don't have the same emotional responses to words and others problems as most people do. Theres many studies on this, you can read up on it. When I hear certain topics, or words, or phrases, I'm unable to respond with the appropriate emotions and in all honesty it rarely ever bothers me, because I'm unable to empathize with those effected for the most part. I have a very strict moral code, but it's not the same as most people have due to this. I am learning how to combat this, because it causes issues like this. To me, saying hateful things is not the same as believing or doing it. Which I fully understand isn't the way most people see it, and I'm taking steps to unlearn this view. Of course my behaviour and views are going to be socially unacceptable, that is the entire premise of the disorder. Pleaaaase understand that when you berate and dehumanize me for that, youre berating and dehumanizing people with ASPD in general. There are many many other people out there who deal with the same things I do. What also bothered me was the obvious fakeclaiming in the comments of the post, when I have always been open about my diagnosis. I was diagnosed when I turned 18 in a forensic setting and my father has it as well. I have talked countless times about it. Thank you for all who understand.)