#they are a MENACE

[dallonismysavior]

This is Ed and Stede

And this is Taika and Rhys

[jone-slugger]

[ladymirdan]

I made some more friends. My regular balcony squirrel brought a friend.

He was a bit nervous and decided to take a surprise bath in my water can:

[propalahramota]

I swear to god I've just seen a seagull fly into a half open window in the building across the road from mine and reappear a minute later with a slice of bread in its beak

[quiclycasual]

Credit to Pointy Hat for the subraces:

Name: Gible (They/Them)

Race: Brownie Goblin (Augmented)

Class: Battle Smith Artificer

About:

Found in an alleyway on the verge of death, they were taken in by a famous artificer, who patched them up and enhanced their intelligence. Gible showed lots of promise as an artificer, and would have been considered a prodigy by the Artificer's Guild if it weren't for their habit of stealing parts and other shiny things. Because of this, the guild had made a guardian robot to keep them out of trouble (they couldn't get rid of Gible because they're half the reason they have funding). Gible managed to change the programing to give it a battle mode and suppress it's tracking ability allowing them to continue their shenanigans.

They look like any other goblin except their entire head from the eyes up is made out of metal.

(all characters)

[amartworks]

had a fun experience on the subway the other day

[rowandekarios]

This fully made me laugh out loud thank you so much

Corvid Christmas tree. Simple, but beautiful.

[n0tsketchyy]

Jason started a side business as Gotham's most feared mediator. His success rate is 100%, mostly because people are too terrified to continue arguing.

Random Gotham Citizen: ranting My neighbor keeps playing music too loud—

Jason: What kind of music?

Citizen: Does it matter?

Jason: If it's good music, I'll ask them to turn it down. If it's bad music, I'll make sure they never play music again.

Citizen: ...it's country pop?

Jason: cracks knuckles Oh, we're gonna have a conversation about their taste AND their volume.

———

Steph: I heard you mediated a custody dispute between two villains over who gets to keep the hyena.

Jason: Harley won. Obviously. But now the hyena is trained to growl every time it hears Pitbull music.

Cass: Scary. But effective.

Jason: Put that on my business card.

———

Bruce: reading an official letter from the GCPD “Red Hood has resolved 34 neighbor disputes, de-escalated 11 road rage incidents, and mediated a PTA meeting that was about to turn into a fistfight over bake sale proceeds.” Jason. What are you doing?

Jason: kicking his boots off They weren’t resolving it themselves. I’m empowering the community.

Dick: By threatening to shove subwoofers up their—

Jason: Allegedly.

Tim: To be fair, noise complaints in Crime Alley are down.

Jason: Thank you, runt. See? Tim gets it. 

Tim: I didn't say it was legal. 

Jason: Details, Timmy. Details.

Damian: Fear is a valid deterrent. I approve. But next time, invite me. I wish to deliver an informed lecture on dubstep.

[iwaaizoomies]

god in bed ! (cream pie, marathon sex, overstimulation, mirror sex)

the strongest sorcerer alive has always been oblivious to his own strength— when he’s playing with the zen’in kids, when he wrestled his friends, and when he’s pounding you into the mattress.

“toru—!” mumbled whines escape your throat as your face is pushed harder into the soft cushion below, sounds of slapping skin resonating through out the decorated room as gojo all but slams himself into your g-spot over and over again, eager to reach your womb.

“what do you need, doll?” he teases in a slightly mocking tone, nose tickling your nape as he lays his body on top of your back, weighing you down. “baby, baby, don’t run away from me!” he laughs with his chest as his continues pushing your already arched back into the sheets so you’re in his favourite position— the prone bone.

his cock prods at your cervix repeatedly until overstimulation teeters on the edge of your orgasm. before you could stop him, he snakes his fingers down to your clit where he rubs tiny, agonisingly slow circles on your bud until you become a twitching mess.

“i can’t take it anymore…” whimpers softly emanate from your kiss-bruised lips while shivers wrack through your body as the umpteenth orgasm shakes you to your core.

“you can. and you will.” satoru promises, his other free hand going up to fist your hair. pulling— until you two are pressed together in an upright position. gosh. you look so hot in that mirror. “look at yourself, all sweaty and wet for me… awww do you see me in you? your belly is protruding because of me!”

he continues to thrust his hips deep inside you, even when his tip turns red and twitching, overstimulated in your warm, tight cavern. “don’t you dare look away baby, i’ll make sure you regret it.” he whispers while his fingers come to grope at your tits, squeezing your nipples in warning.

he sporadically and erratically pumps himself into you, “you ready? you ready to take what i have for you?” he asks, right before he empties himself in you once more. white slick drips down your thighs, but without pulling out, satoru gathers his seed with his fingers before pushing it back in.

clicking his tongue, he chastises, “no wasting a single drop, princess.” your body is laden with exhaustion, but that doesn’t deter him.

another thing about the strongest sorcerer alive is that he has crazy good stamina.

[rooniearts]

guy who cant stop picking off of his friends' plates vs food aggression incarnate

[sandwichmustbetasty]

i only have one thing to add

bird elrond pooping on oropher's shoulder after another disastreous meeting (oropher doesn't know it's him sooo)

I have seen the headcanon that Elrond (+ the other Peredhel in Luthien's line) can turn into birds like Elwing. This is an amazing idea, but I don't think it gets used nearly to its full potential. Consider, Elrond in the Second Age is Gil-Galad's herald. A herald does a lot of things, including delivering the king's proclamations. You know, like a messenger. Like how humans have used messenger doves before. He's also sometimes called Gil-Galad's minstrel.

I raise you, Gil-Galad dictating his latest diplomatic letter to bird Elrond and then (lovingly) throwing him out of the window so he can fly over and deliver it. Ambassadors going to Gil-Galad's court and being very confused when a strange bird none of them can identify is introduced as the court minstrel. Also Gil-Galad being absolutely insufferable about how a "little bird told him" about all the latest diplomatic gossip. Elrond encourages all of this behavior. They're horrible enablers for each other.

[timmydraker]

Tim, holding something behind his back: don’t be mad.

Bruce, already getting mad: I won’t get mad, you can always talk to me. What’s going on?

Tim, revealing a swaddled baby: I messed up when cloning Kon and accidently spilt my DNA into it and now I have a clone baby with my dead situationship.

Bruce, flabbergasted: ..???

Bruce: why were you cloning- when did you start datin- I’m a grandpa?! No, go back, how did you ‘accidently’ spill DNA aren’t you paranoid too????

Tim, who may or may not have been crying over one of the clones and accidently cut his lip trying not to sob and got blood into a test chamber: that’s not important.

Bruce, hyperventilating: why is it so small????

Tim: cause she’s only two months old.

Bruce; I understand that, but even an average two month old should be-…

Bruce: two.

Bruce: you said two months.

Tim: you said you wouldn’t get mad.

Bruce: you hid a baby for TWO MONTHS?!

Tim: I WAS PANICKING LEAVE ME ALONE!

Bruce: IVE BEEN A GRANDPA FOR TWO MONTHS AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME?!

Tim: WELL! I don’t know I’m seventeen, what did you expect?

Bruce, actively loosing brain cells: if you can clone your dead boyfriend-

Tim: we never actually started dating-

Bruce: -then you can tell your father you had a baby.

Tim: …

Tim: I’m not exactly sure what stage of being an adult I am, I started a little young I think.

Tim: but I am a mother now so don’t you dare yell at me.

Bruce: …

Tim: …

Bruce: …

Bruce: … can I hold her?

Tim, grinning in victory: wash your hands first and then you can.

LATER:

Bruce: why is she a girl if you and Kon are both male?

Tim: are you questioning my baby’s gender??? That’s so homophobic, gay men can raise girls.

Bruce: you know damn well I didn’t mean-

[gaylittleguys]

tween daughter moments

[ffaelix]

Tim is typing furiously at his laptop when Damian walks in, holding a katana.

Damian: Drake, do you know what time it is?

Tim: not looking up Uh, noon?

Damian: Wrong. It’s time for you to perish.

Tim: still typing Can it wait until I finish this report for Bruce?

Damian: pauses …Very well. But know that your doom is imminent.

Five minutes later, Damian returns with snacks and silently places them next to Tim.

Tim: smirks Thanks for the snacks, future executioner.

Damian: huffs I refuse to let you die of starvation before I defeat you.

[starwarsfangirl]