#tw alexithymia

[small-but-mightyy]

[our-arospec-experience]

it feels weird. like i'm not even sure i should place myself on the spectrum, bc if i described it, one person could categorize some of the attraction i experience as romantic based on their own understanding of what romantic attraction is, and someone else could categorize it as platonic based on their own. does that mean either of them are wrong? no, it's just a difference of opinion at that point. so at this point i've given up on trying to relate my own feelings to a model of attraction because 1) alexithymia, yay, and 2) who give a shit

remember, kids - social constructs are only as important as you want them to be, and they mean whatever you want them to mean.

remember, only you can decide what label fits best for you :)

[russenoire]

that scene in season 1 where teruki hanazawa exorcises ekubo mid-sentence... and shigeo's eyes widen in shock?

i really want to talk about it, specifically the explosion meter accompanying it.

normally, when the teenager's emotions aren't obvious to the audience, that meter relays to us a sense of what he is actually feeling. but we cannot trust the meter here. we see it jump up a few points at teru's 'psycho wave' sending the sleazy ghost to the shadow realms, and remain steady at 50% upon shigeo's recollections of the spirit's unsavory nature. the boy outright tells teru that he isn't bothered. and it's funny!

but shigeo isn't being honest with himself here either.

his face briefly gives his feelings away before resettling into its normal flat affect. (to be fair, what he's really feeling isn't teru's business. this kid is trying to provoke a fight out of him, after all.) after he's basically tortured into exploding, shigeo spends three hours in the pouring rain, searching everywhere for ekubo.

three. hours.

these are not the actions of someone who isn't bothered. letting himself get drenched to the point of sickness,

even though he literally holds the power to shield himself from it,

reads to me like unconscious self-punishment for allowing all this to happen.

after a large chunk of his short life spent denying and fearing them for good reason, shigeo's first impulse is often not to use his psychic powers -- even after his integration at the story's end. i wish this was discussed more, because many watchers cannot fathom why this boy with world-breaking psychic abilities would ever refuse to use them.

also: the explosion meter lying to us / representing shigeo's detachment from his own emotions alexithymia may occur elsewhere in the series as well, especially when he's not close to an explosion; i'm reminded of the tiny dent ritsu's provocation of him makes in it a few episodes later.

[schizopositivity]

Why it's hard for schizophrenic people to get treatment and diagnosis for physical health problems:

• Having "schizophrenic" in our charts makes a lot of medical professionals automatically not believe us. Especially if it is a problem that they can't instantly see themselves. They may think we are either delusional or having some kind of tactile hallucinations. They could see it more as a "psychiatric problem" rather than the physical medical problem that it is.

• If you have flat or blunted affect, they may not believe you, especially if you are describing pain. They have the expectations that you would be screaming, crying, grimacing, etc. When you are straight faced and monotone and say "I am in extreme pain right now" they will likely not believe you. And this paired with medical professionals views of chronic pain just makes them not believe you even more.

• Alexithymia makes describing your symptoms very hard, and even harder to describe how the symptoms affect you. The medical professional goes off of what you tell them, if you are vague or don't have the words, they will not understand you or not believe what you are describing. Either way that will hinder your road to treatment and diagnosis.

• Having memory problems, or trouble keeping track of things can also hinder your care. If you can't remember, or even remember to write down how often a symptom occurs, how long it lasts, how it felt in the moment, and how it impacted your life at the time, they may once again not believe you. Diagnosis often requires some sort of timeline or prevalence of symptoms, and not keeping track of that could keep you from diagnosis.

• They may avoid prescribing pain killers (even if you need it) because the fact that schizophrenic people are more likely to abuse drugs than the general population. And while that fact is true, it doesn't mean that someone in extreme pain does not deserve the right to pain killers just as much as anyone else who needs them.

• Being part of a disenfranchised group while also being schizophrenic can have compounding affects on your physical health treatment. Being low-income, being a person of color, being assigned female at birth, being transgender, being intersex, any other disenfranchised group or any combination of these will impact how you are treated by the healthcare system.

• Fear of medical professionals, or fear of Dr.s offices can impact the quality of your visit. You may feel too frightened to tell them how you really feel, you may just completely avoid going into the building at all. This can happen to anyone but is especially common for schizophrenic people due to our paranoia, inability to advocate for ourselves, lack of self esteem, historical medical abuse or personal experiences with medical abuse. Plus we can have doubts about the quality of our care because of any of the other reasons listed above.

And all this occurs while we as schizophrenic people, are at higher risks of several physical health problems (you can read about it here):

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Alexithymia

I CAN Network Ltd

[gainnecorpse]

i drew @thenoahfinnce because . i like him and the music video he just made(image under the split)

[aidsyouinthinking]

Poem: our ever dissorded thoughts

My brain stews,

With don'ts 'an dos;

Chewing on those half truths.

Feeling gone; all goes but blues,

A Jackinthebox for my personal news:

Wind and wind the music play,

To creep, and irk, an otherwise plesant day.

Wind and wind behind at bay;

I weep- they lurk, mocking wise words

That They won't say...

But I feel them, and know them,

But me Knowing they condemn.

I have to claw at my throat,

Tear tendon till on blood I float,

And rench with my caloused hand

Out past their placed gasteic band.

Or if they wish to throw me a bone,

They'll just past it me whilst I'm alone,

Perhaps they find me ever squabbling

to that silver thread oh so amusing

maybe they are really really trying

so hard to help but forever failing

but now?

But now I know, either way...

well, another step anyway;

For if they are a They at all,

Or other questions that befall:

Introspective and monumental,

Is when to knees I fall to forever bawl,

And crawl into ball and drawl and brawl;

For for me you see

I do not emote the same as you

Or perhaps you do~

Please talk to me

Achem...

But to me it's distant like it's taking the mick

It's called being alexithymic~

And burst goes the bubble and the weasle too

As now to light something new, and too; me anew

Yes with every

Revelation

A new me

Self-Revolution

A carousel goes up and down

But it also turns around

From face to face some a frown

We shift and switch it's a bitc-

...

Fuck.

We again and a shudder to boot!..

If emotions are too strong,

we sing song and strum lute

Muscles follow root to where they belong

It's never perfect, often a mess,

but we do get to what we must address

Where were we?

We weren't!

We we we, don't you see!?

Well rather you don't!

Do not personify the fog,

Or the faluty machinations;

Breath no life into our backlog:

Chastising bastardisations:

Canvas colours swapped with lapdog;

It's just sensations arbitrary relations!

We're segmented dissonant wires, not shards!

But look at you, you idiot,

you're saying our and we

Oh, so so clearly

Some part of you can agree

Own the dread

Cuz you said

We...

And we.

We are sick and tired

Of always being fired

To gallows every day

With nought even a say

...

Where we're we?

I'm so lost

So lost

This vast empty breathless void seeps everywhere

I wish we were okay...

Just do it... be okay...

But we'll never know what to say

And no one else is coming to help today

Or tomorrow

Or the day after

I'm always fixing things, it's only me, oh so loney.

But at least... I have me? Frankly, not very...

Good company...

We didn't even get to the bit about how I can't talk feelings in drama cuz It's a place I used to mask, and changing my behaviour now feels like it did then

A burdend.

Oh Guess I did it :p

Back to "I" again... aye? Hmmm alr... fair...

[camille-lachenille]

Having alexithymia sucks so much. I know I am supposed to feel certain things when a relative dies but I don’t know what the big blob of feelings in my chest is, except that it’s not the "right things". I can Identify relief at least. I know that bc that’s what I felt when other relatives died these past few years and I was sad but also very much relieved they weren’t suffering anymore.

Anyway, I know I’ll break down from the built-up of Feelings™️ at some point in the next days or weeks but I still won’t be sure of what I am feeling…

I also feel guilty for not being more sad when someone dies but also, death is part of life? Granted, it’s not a happy part but it’s very much there and everyone will die one day, so I don’t really understand what’s all the fuss about. Probably an autism thing.

[theicarusconstellation]

🫤

[necr0lysis]

something that kinda bothers me is like everytime someone talks about the differences between two disorders they're like "they look exactly the same except their reasons are different". bro that does not help me. i have alexithymia! my brain processes "how do you feel?" and "what do you want?" the same way... i don't know!!!

but anyways i am once again trying to figure out if my whole "i'd rather die than eat leftovers" thing is an autism sensory issues arfid kinda thing or a contamination ocd kinda thing.

initially i want to say arfid. because leftovers change texture. and there's chance for it to be cold when it's not supposed to be cold. and i generally dislike eating and cannot do it unless i'm high. eating is hard and i don't want to try new things

but then

growing up with parents who starve you fucks up your relationship with food. you have hoarding become a silent permanent part of you. i started hoarding food and food related trash since age 11. it would rot in my closet and make my room smell bad and there would be bug eggs and things. i hated having food in my room. but i kept doing it and it disgusted me. now flash forward to being age 20. i've seen a lot of moldy rotten food. food went bad in my fridge about 8 months ago and since then i've been feeling like i can't use the fridge. like if i put food in there it will be in the same air as the rotten stuff and go bad too. i love baking. it's the one of the only things that bring me joy. i made pudding cups for a family bbq. the day before. and when it was time to eat one i found myself NEEDING to scrape the top layer of whipped cream off. because it had been in the air of the fridge of the other food all night. idk

but then i think. maybe it's just autism, because maybe i thought the top layer of whipped cream would be hardened and a different texture rather than contaminated. maybe it was just a sensory issues thing.

someone telling me "well why do you do it? that will help you figure it out!" does not help. it doesn't

[hasellia]

What's the physiological equivlant of alexythymia called?

I'm not too sure I fully understand? I'm not super intenesly well researched on alexithymia (despite my self-diagnosis) but I'll try to explain what I can on how it relates to physiology.

Part of alexithymia is not being able to pick up on cues your body is telling about how your feeling. So you mighy feel your heart racing but you don't realise that your body is telling you to run away because you're scared or anxious. Your stomach maybe growling really loudly but you don't realise your hungry (this one could be due to other things so be careful). It can also lead to misidentification of what sexual actions actually intrest you, so no effect on arousal but a potentially low satisfaction. A failiure to link a physiological cause with an emotion causation, or vice versa, is a pretty common if not defining feature of alexithymia.

I should also mention that, as someone diagnosed with autism, it's something I very much relate to and self diagnose under.

If you meant something else though, please feel free to let me know.

[darlingimtryingx]

All the words unsaid, I could rewrite our love story.. With the ending we wanted.

[girllbossing]

No child should have to be their parent’s therapist. Especially if they’re a neurodivergent child that has trouble identifying and voicing their needs and feelings.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autism and Alexithymia

I found some helpful information about Alexithymia and Autism. Here are some excerpts below:

Alexithymia and autism commonly occur together, but they are also distinct from one another. Alexithymia is a sub-clinical construct (often considered a personality trait) that is characterized by difficulties identifying and describing one's own emotions. Autism is a form of neurodivergence characterized by self-soothing through repetition and routine and a distinct communication style that often conflicts with allistic communication (a preference for direct, concrete, and context-relevant communication).

While not included in the DSM many other diagnostic markers for Autism include things such as: difficulty with theory of mind and perspective-taking, difficulty with identifying and interpreting emotional tone and facial expressions, and difficulty with empathy. However, it turns out many of these traits are actually specific to alexithymia and not autism. Geoff Bird and his team of researchers in the UK have done extensive research on autism and alexithymia. They have come to refer to this as the “alexithymia hypothesis.” The alexithymia hypothesis is that many of the emotional processing difficulties attributed to autism are actually better explained by co-occurring alexithymia. They argue that in light of this discovery the diagnostic criteria for autism should be revisited.

The full article will be below for anyone who wants to read it.

[thecouncilofidiots]

Love (/sarcasm) not knowing if you're hungry or not because you can't decipher the body's internal cues... considering we've only had one meal today, we should probably eat?? But I genuinely can't fucking tell and it's so annoying... -Ace

[4rtsymugzzz]

why can't I feel emotions normally like every normal fucking person out there