#we are really better off with some people unalive

[kazoo-the-demjin]

I'm starting to hate the phrase 'agree to disagree'. Because when sane and sensible people are in a discussion, this goes without saying, with just a shrug and a smile of understanding, but the people who use this phrase are more often than not morons and idiots who want to disagree on topics like homophobia, gender equality and basic fucking human rights without providing any meaningful arguments.

[incorrectbatfam]

Types of obnoxious batfam stans

Written by an obnoxious batfam stan

Not really a rant but something I've noticed over the years interacting in different spaces and I've decided to make your problem now.

Please note that I'm not saying there's any "right" way to be a fan because we all suck by virtue of being comic nerds, but there are certain kinds of batfamily fans that stick out to be in particular.

Anywho, here are 12 kinds of annoying batfam stans that you've probably run into and you better get a laugh out of it *points gun to your head*.

1) The Newbies Who Never Heard of Google

There's no shame in being new to something. It's a phase that we're all guaranteed to go through, whether we're 11 or 101. However, in this day and age, so many things can be easily googled that you don't need to shout every question you have into the VVorld VVide VVoid. If you need comic recs or a reading list, google it. If you wanna know a character's origin story, google it. If you need to know the color of Batman's underpants in a particular issue in 1965... well that's probably too specific for Google but Reddit will definitely have an answer.

2) The Middle School Authors

Before the 13-year-olds get up in my notes, I'm not saying everyone that age writes like this. Middle school is a state of mind. These fanfic writers usually stand out in a few ways.

They're oftentimes first-person POV or reader-insert. Give Y/N a break, she's tired.

The grammar is stunningly atrocious. I get if you're inexperienced or if you're writing in a second language, but we are in the prime era of autocorrect. If you need help, it's right there. Also, fuck c*nsoring b*d w*rds and fuck "unalive."

The characters do things that are out-of-character because the author is projecting their own personality. Bruce Wayne is a lot of things but he does not listen to the fucking Mountain Goats.

There's a lack of experience or research when it comes to certain topics. That's not how physics works. He can't walk that injury off. And that's definitely NOT how you do the horizontal hokey pokey.

3) The Neckbeards

Unfortunately, these basement-dwelling mouth-breathers tainted the image of what a comic fan is, though that's been changing recently. Still, we've all seen them. They gatekeep via pop quizzes, 'cause obviously you're not a real fan unless you know what page 10 of Batman #138 smells like. They give unsolicited commentary on people's cosplays, nitpicking the guys and being gross toward women. And heaven forbid the comics add a little diversity.

4) The Moviegoers

Nothing inherently wrong with getting into the fandom via the movies, nor is there anything wrong with sticking to that. I just feel like we're two different species of Galapagos finches, you know?

5) The Christopher Nolans

Separate from casual fans of the Nolan movies. I'm calling them the Christopher Nolans because these people have a tendency to reach for the grimdarkest thing possible. It's like they cannot fathom Batman having any other emotions besides punching and gargoyle brooding.

6) The Canon Purists

Wanna share a fun headcanon? NO, because Stephanie Brown never used cherry lip balm in the comics so therefore that must be the absolute truth. These people are a stickler for comic accuracy to the point where it's like... why bother interacting with the fandom in the first place? The worst part is when they're adamant on following a single continuity and refuse to consider anything else. This is comics we're talking about. Everything either has been or will be canon at some point.

7) The Fanon Worshippers

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the people who base their entire perception of the characters on something either they pulled out of their ass or that their mutual with 16 followers came up with, despite evidence directly contradicting it. I love WFA, but I feel like that's partially responsible for further perpetuating certain popular myths. Also, these fans tend to focus solely on the batfam/their ships. It's one thing to have some people in the foreground vs. background, but put some respect to Bart Allen's name you goddamn cheesecakes.

8) The Golden Age Dads

These guys aren't really obnoxious. I actually find it kind of cute how they think Jason Todd is still dead.

9) The Chronically Online

I have a rule of thumb when it comes to discourse: if it's not something I'd hear about at a bar, it's not worth my mental energy. Some people haven't gotten the memo, though.

These are either the well-intentioned but misinformed teenagers or grown-ass adults beefing with children because they don't have a life. They have takes that are oversimplified, rage-inducing, TikTok algorithm attention-grabbers that no one cares about in real life.

Don't get me wrong, we've got a bunch of issues in comics and fandom that are worth discussing. However, there comes a point where you're splitting hairs and need to go the fuck outside. I'm not gonna link the post 'cause I don't wanna call them and their 7 notes out, but the other week I saw someone saying Stephcass was a racist ship because something something colonialism parallel. You gotta be Elastigirl to have that kind of reach.

10) The Corporate Simps

I love comics. I appreciate the writers and artists. However, you will find my carcass in a ditch before you catch me licking the boots of DC/Warner Bros. Basically, these fans, fewer as they are, can't seem to fathom that their favorite franchise can (and does) put out some steaming motherfucking garbage.

11) The Hot Cosplayers

Not actually annoyed, I'm just a little jealous. Stop being hotter than me, please and thank you.

12) The One With A Punchline For Everything

Wait–

[not-poignant]

Is it just me or is censorship all across social media getting really bad lately? Pinterest just removed a whole bunch of my pins for sexual content - they were all fully clothed queer men and women showing vague intimacy, nothing overtly sexual at all. Like one they removed was literally just two men's heads leaning on each other. That's wacko right??? Have I missed something big going on?

Tbh it's been getting increasingly terrible for a long time, anon, it's not a lately thing, it's been since before the Tumblr purge, and it is at least in some part due to the SESTA/FOSTA law that got passed in the USA, and the increasing passing of laws in many countries that are specifically concerned with removing net neutrality and treating all of us like 3 year olds.

It will get worse, not better. And you've probably been missing a few big things! It sounds like you were most directly impacted by what happened with Pinterest, so you've just noticed it. Many of us noticed it around 2018 with the Tumblr purge. Some of us have been impacted by elements of it way earlier, due to Livejournal's Strikethrough which necessitated the invention of Dreamwidth and helped to really get AO3 off the ground. And this was back even before we now have many laws that scare a lot of big companies into removing adult content.

Steve Jobs famously hated / loathed pornography and was on a mission to literally try and remove it from the internet, and part of that mission was to - as much as possible - make it nearly impossible for apps that have it to get listed in the Apple store. This is partly why AO3 doesn't have an app. This is why Dreamwidth doesn't have an app. This is why the Tumblr Purge happened - so they could continue to have an app. And while some sites don't get targeted, as soon as you do get targeted by the Apple store, it's either 'provide your legal identity to prove that you're the age you say you are' to access adult content or it's 'goodbye adult content.'

We've also had an increasing rise of morally panicked, puritanical TERF-informed anti-shippers who believe that their emotional reactions to fictional content they find troubling are firstly valid moral judgements, and secondly, a valid reason to abuse, bully and send death threats to real people. And these people basically work hand-in-hand (often without realising) with extremely powerful Evangelical Christians who have government influence and a lot of money in the USA and literally work to change laws to make it reflect an extremely puritanical vision they have of the future. You know, the homphobic, transphobic, misogynistic, racist, kinkphobic, bigoted, antisemitic etc. etc. etc. one. (It's highly ironic and tragic that most antis are young and queer and just extremely uneducated).

I'd say people notice based on what impacted them directly. So some of us realised in 2007. Some of us realised again in 2018. And since then there's been a lot of blows from a lot of sites. In a way, Pinterest is joining an already very bloated bandwagon of sites cornered in the manner. The reason why people say 'unalive' these days instead of suicide, or 'r@pe' these days instead of rape is because of Tiktok censors. The reason so many folks moved their adult fanart and art accounts off Instagram, or they've gone dead, is because of Instagram censors. The reason so many adult writers on Patreon are very careful about what explicit words they write directly onto the site is because of Patreon censorship.

After all this, it's possible that Pinterest has a bug and are implementing a new AI algorithm for detecting adult content, and it's just broken. In those cases, reporting and appealing actually often does help. When Tumblr first implemented their algorithm, it wasn't very well trained yet, and like, pictures of fruit etc. were being banned because the AI algorithm was still figuring out what to do. Tumblr was in a rush in order to keep the app in the Apple store (over 70% of their income is from app users, the site would have literally died if they didn't act quickly), and so they ended up with an extremely overzealous and initially broken (and still sometimes broken x.x) algorithm.

If Pinterest is going through something similar, either with the app store or with having to address a sudden legal change, they may be having algo problems, and reporting will help them train the algorithm better.

Trust me, there will be people behind the scenes - staff at all of these websites - who hate the changes as much as you do, even if they can't say so for professional reasons. But even the new owner of Tumblr got pretty close to saying 'it fucking sucks but we have to do it if you want the site to exist' (which honestly made it a lot more...possible to handle the change, because it's not usually the sites you have to hate/resent, but the laws getting changed around you. Also if anyone here is an adult and can do so - please vote!!!)

[pinkandpurple360]

(wtf where are moms who kill* husbands why there are litterally so many characters who have dead moms...)

My friends don't give me enough reply on my HB rants so now you're my friend for hour lol

Btw i wanted to rant about it more lmao sorry. forgive me mother for not sending you ask about Striker™.

Actually this is a terrible writing right here. Honestly im not so much into shaming authors for writings things i don't like (like i don't like seeing bad writers getting bullied. No matter popular of not. I hate seeing shaming and harassment even for someone such popular as viv, since for me rethoric overlaps very much with how female, kids, and queer writers get treated.)

but this trope is so overpopular i just need to rant to someone.

I only liked it in ducktales 2017 because she is apparently alive and very akward mother, but interesting character still. :D

I also like. Hate it. Like... If you need mother-related-drama, why just get them killed off-screen and never write (and design) them at all, and show them, what they actually meant, like they're non-existen hallucinations in a dream.

If you just need to throw out mother from family, THERE ARE TONS of funnier/angstier/happy for her ways to do it. Like. Idk she can just divorce man and get happier life/family, with someone else. It would be more painful for character that their lovely, kind, supportive mom is alive, but is unreachable, and maybe even choosed not to be near kid (for any reason. Probably dad was at fault not letting her get her child back or whatever you want to write). She can become brutal assasin and gangster :D Or anything, really. Maybe she have a criminal job and it's better to left kid behind, or is a political activist who don't want their kid be threatened by violent tyrants. Heck maybe she is even IN family but pretends to be aunt or anything else. Maybe she just reverse-dad-runned-to-get-milk-uno-card and ran first :'D we like. Have all kinds of mothers.

BUT. i also don't see why you need to kill specifically mother and left her as unwritten character to fan's imagination and writing. Idk why not unalive father and give us conflicting gangster couple of lesbians for Moxxie parents.

If it's a queer show, why not have queer parents? Why go with nuclear monogamous family? Esp in hell where all queers "go to" lol. What about poly family. Just sinner orphans, who died due to illness, while their parents still alive? Idk what about single parents. What if cool aunt™ was soo cool kid decided to live with them for sharing their interests and just rejected parents lol. Artificial Birth can exist too in hell i think, since "playing in god" with science is also a sin. Also if it's a hell, why not write some species just intersex or nonhuman? They can have any other stupid form of reproduction (and even magical and horrorish, surreal, relating to sin maybe. Imagine people in gluttony have to vomit kid formed from overeating idk.), or family system model, that doesn't involve two parents as the most important in kid's life. Like lions. Idk. They can just form communities and then all care about kids, and dont treat them as "theirs", or have special professionals to care, like ants do.

characters relationships with moms can be not even a bit less interesting with mothers than with fathers (i kinda have all my characters have very messy and interesting relationships with them, and i left fathers completely unwritten lol like viv treats moms) and seeing mothers overpowering husbands or them being non-mattering in characters life at all (like, that the kid doesn't even mourn or sad about it, and care more about other people.) is funnier.

OKAY SO the fuck. Like EVEN SECONDARY characters apparently have their moms dead?? (yes agent one im looking at you).

I just noticed how it plain weird when i noticed it more. Like... We had moxxie, blitz, fizz (who is a complete orphan as i rember), barbie, and agent one in anonymous "momless" club. Add if i missed someone. Wtf? Andddd we didn't even saw their faces, we Didn't even saw them speaking... Idk, even if you want to give moxx dead mom, why not let her live, and then boom. And then moxxie gets so mad, and audience get so mad and cancels viv again.

It's just so... Damn unsatisfying. And then we have stella who is just depicted as pure evil. Dammit.

Also, im mad at choice to make agent one's mom dead for literally only very cliche joke. (i hope she will get back on earth to see him, but as demon. that'll be interesting since he works as demon-hunter lol)

why at all blitz should make MOM joke? It would be more unexpected in show that always throws mysoginystic slurs swears and jokes if it. Was about NOT females. Idk what about dog. Or father. Maybe even grandpa lmao. EVEN BARBER (or how men who do haircuts for other men called i dont rember) WOULD BE HILARIOUS OPTION. Imagine him going "MY BARBER IS DEAD!!" i would die from laugh.

Maybe even some religious symbol. There are SO many possible relatives and important things for character, but ppl always go with boring mom-jokes and boring mom-is-dead-counter-joke. Would be funny too if blitz saw him having some demon husbando/waifu pin somewhere and then going "lmao i sitted on a face of your fictional crush sorry" and THEN agent would have a whole cry about it.

I swear i don't like how viv treats female characters in her shows... And jokes with them. She just constantly throws very boring, mysoginystic, and generic swears at them without any punchline, instead of showing something interesting or funny about them. :( if i wanted to see slut-shaming i would just go straight to reddit. Idk if you want to show how your character insults sex-positive female char, why not make it idk more personal or unrelated? We, like, saw it thousands times. And lived with it even... Would be more fresh to see how characters are like "ok i cannot say a bad thing about woman doing what she wants." and they insult them for other reasons and hobbies. Tho it's so hard to not depict succubus/sexual character not only as 1-dimensional person who have other interests, isn't it... Idk... Sorry for rant lmao my brain fog is shit sorry if it's barely coherent and ty for reading it to end lmao

There’s some kind of inane Madonna whore complex in this show, the writers have the most backwards outdated misogynistic beliefs I’ve seen in years. For cryin out loud Viv thinks the biggest problem in society right now is that women are too mean to men.

Yeah what’s with Stolas insisting that they keep the monogamous heterosexual marriage going?? It’s so obvious that he was the one fighting against the idea of a divorce. Not Stella. She wanted out. He refused because he wanted Octavia to have a “normal” life. Even though he himself has traumatised her countless times. Then he cheats and decides he wants out. He decides when it’s time. What a control freak. Women become enraged when they don’t have control of their own lives, when men control their lives. And that’s exactly what we see with Stella.

It’s stupid that Crimson drowned “his wife” who doesn’t even have a fucking name but the random shark bodyguard does because that’s a perfect yaoi ship opportunity. None of the men are heterosexual and yknow what? That’s actually really stupid and not good representation at all. It’s just an AU where everyone is bisexual or gay. But nobody is lesbian.

All the moms are dead or just mean. Fucking lame.

[wyrmguardsecrets]

I understand that this is a sensitive topic/request, so please do skip this post if mentions of death are triggering. (if this is too much, mods, I will understand if you do not post it)

I would really like to know how some of you guys dealt/deal with the death of a (or dying) friend online. If you want to share, please do; here in the comments, anons or non--better if you shoot it my way on my blog, (so that I don't accidentally miss it).

I admit it's a bit of morbid curiosity, since I haven't yet died for observation purposes, but mainly I want to know how different people handle it, so I can be aware of what I can do to ease the transition with my friends, (and those that are newly supportive of me and my journey, of course).

It can be anything, positive or negative, regrets or relief; literally anything you'd like to get off your chest, or advice you'd like to give--absolutely no judgement from me. I will treat anything contributed with the utmost care and respect possible.

Love freely, Pall ♥

helpful discussions are fine. the only mentions of death that we will immediately delete and ban are posts telling others to unalive themselves or people coming here to say they want to unalive themselves. both are triggering, more so than just helpful discussions about death.

[mandapellie]

My Mind & Me

The thought “You’re not good enough” has echoed in my mind for years and I’m not sure who said it to me first, myself or a family member. As a tween/teenager I went through some hard times, and I wasn’t the best at mentally handling those situations. The more I went through, the more depressed I would become. I hoped my depression would go away or at least get better as I got older, but today even still, depression finds me and has latched on to me like a leech.  

I think about depression like this: all my negative thoughts, emotions, feelings and things I’ve gone through- I have compressed them all into a tiny box, like a pandora’s box just waiting to escape. When I’m feeling good, I’m good, but when depression hits, the remnants of what is inside that tiny, compressed box leaks outside of mind and into my depressive state I go. Sometimes, nothing triggers my depression and other times, someone can say something to me that reminds me of my childhood or says something that triggers my self-worth. On the topic of self-worth and self-love, I have come a long and profound way. I’ve shown the world, on Tiktok, that body positivity is something to be proud of and I’m not ashamed of it. I even go as far to tell people they also can move past their own insecurities like I’m some kind of influencer! My body has always been my biggest insecurity, probably because my biological father’s family made nasty comments about it. As time has gone by and the older, I become, I really could care less what my body looks like anymore, but when depression is in town-well that’s null and void. When I'm in the thick of it, I try to remember things that help me out of this state, but it just feels like I’m grasping at straws to fill in the void of what is missing. Even though there is nothing missing from my life. The Funny thing about depression, it has no rhyme or reason for it. It can be unpredictable and honestly it is fucking annoying.  

I’m currently gazing out the window searching for something that isn’t out there, a sign maybe? A sign that I will wake up tomorrow and be out of this depressive roller-coaster ride I’m on. Therapy seems like the logical next step, but I know me. I know I’ll brush it off and say “I’m fine, I don’t need it” when deep down, maybe it could help me. Shit maybe that’s my answer, but again, I know myself better. I would rather everyone else around me be okay than myself. I’m no Mother Teresa, but I do try to make sure the people around me are okay. I’ve learned to put myself last, probably because of my mom, now she is the next Mother Teresa. She would give the shirt off her back just because that’s who she is. She could be in the desert and have one last sip of water and give it to someone else in need. She’s selfless that way. Gazing out the window again but this time, my eyes are swelled up with tears thinking about my mother. She deserves the world. I remember when I was little, not so little but maybe like ten years old or so, we went to the mall and there was this beautiful store with fancy shimmery figurines. I wanted to buy something for my mom so badly, I started to tear up and I was overcome with emotion, because my mom deserved something so exquisite and fancy, but I couldn’t give it to her. She deserves the world. I want to make certain no one interoperates this part incorrectly; I don’t blame my mom for anything, hell her selflessness is one of my favorite qualities about her. My purpose of adding my mom into this part of my story is to showcase where I learned how to be selfless. Again, I'm not on her level of super selfless, but I do try. Okay back to depression, I know I almost forgot too! Depression is like a rollercoaster of emotions, one minute you’re feeling normal and the next you’re on the verge of crying yourself to sleep. This next part talks about attempting suicide, terribly and perhaps comically, but attempting suicide, nevertheless. Three times I’ve attempted to unalive myself. The first time was with pain medication, nothing major just the classic over the counter generic version of Tylenol. I took about nine pills, it did absolutely nothing to me. The next time, there’s no safe way to say “I tried to slit my wrists” so there it is. Because I wasn’t absolutely certain I wanted to die, I didn’t use a knife; I used a staple strip and grazed it repeatedly on my wrists until I saw blood. I basically gave myself the equivalent of a paper cut on my wrist. Again, it did nothing to me, except I had to wear thick bracelets until they healed. The third and last time I tried to unlive myself was by drowning. Again, because I wasn’t absolutely certain I wanted to leave this world; I did this in the bathtub. I basically held my breath until I couldn’t hold it anymore, I tried to hold myself down, but popped right back up like a ball in water. Nothing happened to me except I learned I could only hold my breath for about 45 seconds without needing to come up for air. Which is kind of shitty when you consider yourself a good swimmer and all you can do is hold your breath for a measly 45 seconds.

Gazing out the window again, it’s now getting dark now, but I feel a sense of relief in this moment. Typing my thoughts into words that I now can edit and reread is therapeutic for me. Depression will always be a part of me, but it’s up to me how I respond to it. Depression made me do stupid and idiotic things when I was a tween/teenager. From cutting myself, to my three attempts, I’m so glad I’m still here.  

I wouldn’t have my daughter, who I love with every single fiber of my being. I wouldn’t be married to the man I have loved since I was thirteen years old. I wouldn’t have my mom who literally gave me life and made so many sacrifices that I have just begun to understand. I wouldn’t have seen my mom find her soulmate in my stepdad or have been able to call him my dad. I would have missed my grandma, who opened her home to me so I could go to a better school or had gone on our first trip to Aruba together. I would have missed my uncle being so proud of me for graduating from the same high school he went to and him finding his love who was up the street from him. I would have missed my cousin turning twenty-one years old and having our first drinks together as a family and then her graduating from her associate degree. I would have missed my youngest cousin turning eighteen years old and graduating high school. I would have missed my aunt’s beautiful wedding and marrying the “best damn uncle” who treats her like the queen she is.  I would have missed my step-dads parents and family become my family. I would have missed all of this.

Decisions, especially feelings of sadness, depression, or worthlessness; should never be made on these temporary emotions. Give yourself permission to feel those emotions, but don’t stay there. Give yourself permission to experiment with how to cope with your emotions. If therapy isn’t for you try to; Sing, dance, exercise, read, write, call or message friends or family; Anything that keeps you here. Remember depression is a temporary state of mind and the rollercoaster will stop soon, so throw your arms up and enjoy the ride.   xo Amanda  

Call or text 9-8-8 the mental health hotline  

[jaydonsjam]

Trigger Warning: suicide is mentioned in this post. So we move on to more Marvel HORROR! I think I’m in love with Tomb of Dracula. My favorite artist out of all of the books I’ve read from this era, Gene Colan returns (From Strange Tales, Doctor Strange [Vol. 1]) and while I love what he did with Doctor Strange, I think he fits a horror book just as good if not better. Whew, that was a run-on sentence. The way he’s able to use shadow and light is amazing and really makes you feel like you’re reading a horror comic. Everything about the art, I love. I didn’t realize that three writers rotated between these first 6 issues so that’s a good sign. The amount of reading involved in these issues really engrossed me and I honestly think they work way better for these horror comics. But again like I said with the Werewolf post, I can see the amount of reading turning off some people which is fair. I will say the first two issues are probably my favorite. I think they build dread so well before we even see Dracula in the flesh. We start off with our protagonist Frank Drake and his girlfriend Jeanie with his friend, (who is the former lover of Jeanie) Clifton Graves venturing to Drake’s ancestral castle of Count Dracula. Drake is convinced by Graves that he needs to venture to Transylvania because they can make a lot of money by turning it into a tourist trap. Unbeknownst to Frank, Clifton wants to be with Jeanie and means to kill his friend to take the castle for himself.

I think Jeanie was the least interesting out of the three but I liked that she got turned into a vampire by the Count. My favorite moment comes at the end of issue 2 when Frank is forced to stake Jeanie in the heart and it was actually a really powerful moment and after that, I was all in on Frank as a character. Clifton becomes Dracula’s familiar after he awakens him by taking out the stake (that was driven into him by Abraham Van Helsing.) And I have to say that Clifton from issue one seems like he’s going to be a great antagonist and he ends up being a good “bad guy”.

Dracula is a fantastic villain. He betrays anyone and is very intelligent, he’s definitely the bad guy you want to see get his comeuppance. I will say one negative is the fact that several times (because he can’t die anytime soon) they repeat the same outcome with a character shooting an arrow at him and he just turns into a bat and flies away. At least they changed it up in #6 where he uses Lenore (another vampire) as a shield when they shoot an arrow at him, instead killing her and it was a great moment. He’s an evil bastard for sure.

In issue three we meet Rachel Van Helsing and her “mute servant” and strongman Taj. Rachel has a great line and is the reason and motivation for Frank to not unalive himself when she finds him after he’s distraught for killing Jeanie. She’s a badass vampire hunter and Taj might be my favorite character. It leads to an interesting idea that Frank (a descendant of Dracula) and Rachel (a descendant of Abraham Van Helsing) teaming up to hunt and kill Dracula.

They introduce a black mirror in #3 that can be used as a portal into other dimensions and for time traveling. I liked that device and it adds for a cool moment in #4 where Dracula pulls Taj into a demon dimension. I liked that in issue 5, Dracula was smart enough to “save” Taj when they are attacked by the dimensional demons so that Count had someone to “feed on”. Something I initially loved was Dracula is able to jump through a mirror again and ends up in Abraham’s time after he had already slain Dracula. They have a confrontation but are interrupted by the heroes and I feel like, there could’ve been a moment shown between Abraham and his granddaughter, Rachel but it’s kinda ignored and they just go through the mirror again.

Issue three also introduces a new character named Ilsa Strangeway who is trying to find a way to be young and beautiful again through occult or magical means which is where the Black Mirror comes into play. Again, I loved that Dracula played her for a fool and made her into a vampire making her think that she’d be young again but to her dismay, she looked the same. I liked that she was actually horrified by having to kill people to live as a vampire so she asks Rachel to kill her. It was a nice twist and worked well for me.

Issue 6 might be my least favorite for the reason that they introduce a new character “Moorlands Monster” who turns out to just be hairy and disfigured due to a genetic condition. There’s a great moment near the end where he saves Frank and Rachel and they refer to him as a man and not a monster which he thanks them for.

My main problem with this issue is that Dracula leads the heroes to a castle and traps them in a medieval pit and closes the top with a cement lid. #1 he tosses the lid at Taj knocking him out after hitting him in the head but it doesn’t kill him which I found unbelievable. #2 the only reason Moorlands Monster was brought into this issue was to save the heroes at the end, he did nothing other than that. It was a nice theme that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover but that wasn’t enough for me.

Something that was not expected was Frank confessing his love for Rachel as they thought they were going to die. I don’t know the timeline here so maybe it has been weeks or even months since they’ve been adventuring together but it did come out of nowhere for me. I should’ve seen it coming or maybe they should’ve held off on it for a few more issues.

So overall I loved these issues and couldn’t put this comic down! It’s fantastic. There are some weird, even problematic signs of the times in here a few being, Frank smacking Jeanie, the idea that Taj is Rachel’s “mute servant” (I have a similar problem with how they use Wong in the early Doctor Strange comics) and they call signing for deaf and dumb people. There might be more but I can’t remember it all. Other than that stuff, I totally recommend this series! Thanks if you read this whole post, it’s the most I’ve written on here so far!

(Tomb of Dracula #1 written by Gerry Conway with pencilling and inking by Gene Colan

Tomb of Dracula #2 written by Gerry Conway with pencilling by Gene Colan and inking by Vince Colletta

Tomb of Dracula #3 and #4 written by Archie Goodwin with pencilling by Gene Colan and inking by Tom Palmer

Tomb of Dracula #5 and #6 written by Gardner Fox with pencilling by Gene Colan and inking by Tom Palmer)

[pepperstreak]

Warning post! Stay away from this channel!

wc: homophobia, biphobia, wishing death on others, homophobic slurs

So uh... I don't make call-out stuff, I don't like them, I think can lead to a lot of uncalled for harassment. And a lot of the time I think they're misguided, unnecessary, and a lot of the time flat out lying or at best misunderstanding something.

But this channel:

Stay away from this channel.

I stumbled on this video about the Will Ospreay Kenny Omega Twitter beef, and discussing weather it was a work or not. It was obvious that the host didn't really like either of them, and I was disagreeing with pretty much everything he said, but I kept watching in case maybe they had some information on it that I didn't know about. I don't mind when people dislike wrestlers I like for one reason or another, but from the very beginning I could tell they were being pretty harsh. (Such as calling Will a slut, and not it the joking affectionate way we do on Tumblr, you could hear real disgust in his voice)

And then, about five minutes into the video I'm about to click off cause it's obvious the guy just wants an excuse to trash on them both.

The host calls Kenny "a nerdy fag" and says both he and Will will be dead from monkey pox soon anyway. Then imply that Kenny is depressed and suggested he... Y'know, unalive himself.

I was, understandably I think, horrified by this, and stopped watching.

I don't think I need to explain further, stay away from this channel, block them if you can (idk if you can block people on YouTube, I've never tried). Please don't comment on this channel or anything like that, I don't want that kind of drama, that's not what I'm asking for, just please stay away from it. Thank you

And also don't go into the comment section! The people there aren't any better

Just stay away ok! Please I don't want them to have any attention, they don't deserve it.

I'm sorry for the long post, I'm just incredibly upset by this. If there's a chance I'm getting something wrong and you know better, please let me know and I'll take the post down or fix it.

[occasionallykettle]

hc that either will or mike will get vecna'd in season 5. i really want it to happen.

will is the most obvious choice on the surface level, since he is most likely dealing with the most inner turmoil and has been through some really traumatic stuff, and that's what vecna sees of will. it would also allow mike to have an actually good monologue that isn't pushed by other people's feelings, and this would be one of the best times for a confession. will also depended on mike a lot to get him out of his episodes in season 2, so if he were to get vecna'd, mike talking him out of it would be the most plausible option. there are a few things that could go wrong with will being the victim of vecna's attack, however.

mike most likely hasn't come to terms about his feelings towards will yet, so if he is the one that helps will, then it would be based on his platonic feelings towards will, which would lessen the effect of an actual love confession from one of them later in the season.

we have already seen mike giving el a monologue (albeit a terrible one that wasn't based off of his feelings for el) so to repeat that would be kind of boring for viewers, even if this time it was better and more meaningful. we know that will isn't going to die (at least, not in this way because what's the point), so it wouldn't be suspenseful either.

this could, however, be the turning point where mike realises that he cannot keep his feelings for will hidden any longer for the sake of saving will's life, which would be a good way to for mike to finally accept and come to terms with his homosexual feelings.

mike presumably has quite a bit of inner turmoil due to his repressed feelings for will, and that could be the reason for vecna choosing to unalive mike. if he were to get vecna'd, then it could be after a vital moment in his and will's relationship. like a big argument or something, and mike would be at a low.

what's the problem here then? will is not going to confess to mike. this isn't because he is selfish, it is because he thinks that mike could never like him back and he has already accepted that. he doesn't think that mike would feel any better knowing that the painting wasn't commissioned by el, or that will is in love with him in that way. will thinks that by telling mike that the feelings he shared in the van were actually his, he would make things worse.

but i think this opens up even better opportunities for will's "confession", since instead of saying something like "i'm gay and i love you, mike", will will be forced to say "i need you and i can't let you go", which is better imo. it's more meaningful, and it actually has a purpose, unlike the m*leven monologue. and this time, it will have actually come from will's heart.

also, we can finally be allowed to see into mike's mind. see what he is feeling. we can get to (possibly) see vecna confront mike about his homosexual thoughts, which would make mike feel terrible, since he has been battling them himself for a very long time now.

the only problem i personally have with mike being the one to get vecna'd and will saving him is that will has already helped mike so much. i think it would make more sense to have mike be the one to confess his feelings for will, since he is the one that will have that "ah" moment and realise that will is in love with him.

if either of them die in the process, though... that would be a bit too sad. i don't think the duffer brothers are willing to go that far (or, at least, i hope not).

[pradagymbag]

things we're leaving behind in 2023

Below is a short (but also kind of really long) list of things that are out in 2024. Peace and love to those who still engage with the following items/actions though. This is solely my opinion and mostly just for fun. That being said you should take all of these very seriously as if they were federal law. Without further ado, my list of outs for the new year. (It's almost February).

TikTok slang

It's time we go back to our roots and start studying up on ol' reliable (dictionaries). I am absolutely not one to hate on internet slang. Half of my vocab is non-english made up jargon from twitter. I am no better than the average internet abuser. HOWEVER, there is a drastic difference between common internet rhetoric and TikTok slang. It goes beyond acronyms, inside jokes, niche memes, etc. TikTok has cultivated this new wave of language that goes beyond anything we have ever seen in the history of the internet. Here are some things to eradicate from your vocab: rizz, gyatt, cheugy, unalive, bussin, delulu "the way", "it's the_____for me", "it's giving____", "beige flag", "bro is sus" "booktok", "frenchbulldogtok", "karentok" etc. I could keep going for so long but we're still on item 1 of this list so I will bite my tongue.

2. Sambas

Ugh this one makes me sad because I really did love this era. These were another classic Americanized (ruined) European trend. One of Adidas' most classic indoor soccer shoes, turned MASSIVE trend piece. These shoes were so perfect for everyday and they matched with everything. However, the number of people wearing them has gotten far too high. It pains me to say but these are the new all white Air Force 1s. Truly devastating. I don't even feel safe stepping out in my Onitsuka Tigers because I fear they will become the new government issued, default staple shoe.

3. Not setting boundaries/energy vampires

Keeping this one short and sweet. In 2024 we ARE setting boundaries and we are NOT letting people leech off of our energy. Everyone has dealt with someone who refuses to help themselves and continues to dig themselves deeper into a hole of their own sorrow. Obviously be there for your friends when they need, but there is a clear line where your role as a friend gets taken advantage of and you should never feel guilty for protecting your peace!

4. Joggers

GET THEM OFF ME IT BURNS MY ANKLES ARE SUFFOCATING AND I CAN'T BREATHE PROPERLY. Please wear what you like and feel comfortable in no matter what anyone says! Unless, you're going to be disgracing denim and destroying the purpose of sweatpants as we know them.

5. Editing photos to make them look like film

I can think of 1 EASY trick to make your photos look like film, shoot them on film! I absolutely love the process of editing photos and the different ways to make a photo have a certain look. What I can't wrap my head around is faking your medium. Film cameras are abundantly available in thrift stores and online secondhand shops. You can also find a decent new one without breaking the bank. The entire art of film photography is the unknown, the process, and unique outcome. Something about using your phone or computer to try and counterfeit that look feels backwards and unproductive. That being said if your a huji-cam diva, more power to you I guess!

6. Being anti-outdoors

NATURE IS HEALING!!!!!!!! I genuinely do not understand people who don't like going for a little walk, or just getting up and breathing some fresh air. If you'd rather stay inside and play on ur iPhone than get outside and connect with the world that created you I'm scared of you and not sorry.

7. Wanting to move to NYC

Okay okay relax, I want to move there too. Here's the thing though, there is such a difference in wanting to move to New York to pursue certain interests/careers/hobbies/etc, and wanting to move to New York solely because its New York. In 2023 more than ever I noticed people moving to NYC as if it's some sort of trend. It's such a wild concept to up and move to one of the most culturally diverse places in the country just to never go above 14th street. Dimes square you will be dealt with and forgotten in the new year.

8. Being embarrassed of your music taste

Erase the part of you that cringes and embrace the cringiest parts of yourself! I used to be so shy when someone would give me an aux cord and would only play music to cater to others. When I stopped censoring my tunes I noticed I was only being asked to aux more! I promise you people gravitate towards you more when you are being authentic.

9. Caring about Instagram

In 2023 there was a fad of "making Instagram casual again" but the thing is the "casualness" of these posts became more of a performance than ever before. The idea of trying so hard to curate a feed that looks like you don't try at all is so dystopian. Just post what you want to post when you want to post it. Not sure if anyone has told you this but it's actually your account! You can do whatever you please whether thats extravagant photoshoots or a random zoomed in picture of your grandma's living room.

10. Going to the mall

Let's be serious the mall was left behind long before 2024 came around, but we're making it official. These vibeless hellscapes need to be demolished before it's too late. Not only do they promote the abominable monster that is capitalism to the highest degree, they are just wholeheartedly awful and sinister. You're telling me this 4 story, 250,000 square foot demon of a building with a Cinnabon on every corner is bringing any sort of light into your life? I would call you a sick and twister liar, I don't care how good the Auntie Anne's is. Everything is expensive, made from cheap material, costs 5x more than it should, and is going to end up in a landfill anyways. Consider my case rested.

11. Everything bagel seasoning

This was genuinely peak Trader Joe's especially during the sourdough arch. That being said things got so dark when they started putting this literal bird food on salmon and other outrageous food items. Yes I love everything bagels, yes I love ice cream, no I absolutely do not want any everything bagel ice cream. This is just another reminder not to touch a classic or things will all go down the drain.

[saltypiss]

"Aw man, I hate when Windows auto updates"

You fucking dipshit, using such HARMFUL dialogue like "auto update" anyone who's not hateful or bigotted knows to call it "Eventual Updates" and the fact you'd so WILLINGLY and NATURALLY say it shows just how much you hate windows people and how UNWILLING you are to learn all our intricate Bible Long Philosophy. As you know, anything less than full devotion is frowned upon with cancellation.

That's what it feels like when you say anything mildly related to trans people. Ignorance is treated as malice. And not one fucking soul is going to learn something that feels so cult-ish and Insider Knowledge driven.

Ya'll aren't special. Nothing but love from communities and protections online, nothing but positivity and inside joke labels, it's impossible, to learn anything, about you fuckers when you make it feel like a furry fanbase with codewords and shit. Doesn't help that most of it causes people disgust, whether dipshitted or personal, but my god man. Nothing. Is easy about trans people.

If you can't explain to a grandma who's actually listening, then you cannot explain it to anyone. Instead, ya'll explain shit like they should just KNOW and not knowing is a sin.

Trans people online REALLY are dedicated to giving themselves a bad image and then being mad when people aren't on the 7th level of hell in their ideology.

Like, man, nobody is going to accept the kid that demands to be called superman but is a violent little shit that gets mad at the pronunciation of "super man" and the colors being mildly off. Not one soul.

Consciously done or not, god damn everytime someone talks about ya'll, it's out of fear. I've got shit going on in my life, so my trans identity is in the backburner of all mental disorders, but my FUCKING god, the FEAR to just say shit around me like, buddy, most of what trans people say matters deeply to them, matters only deeply to THEM, not all of them. Not even remotely someone rational like me.

Lemme put it to you this way: People Want To Be Good.

You make it actually impossible to find reason or patience to talk to you. People should NEVER tip toe around you, you fucking narccissist. But that's what ya'll have decided to foster. Fear. Not knowledge. Unless you're trans and fully commited, you're "bad"

Seriously, your problems are your problems. And I think Trans people are gonna have to have that lesson crammed into them, because before I hear about cancer research, or a cure for Aids, before I hear any news about politics or anything art, before I get an update notification for my online order, I hear about trans people.

And it's always. Always. The dumbest shit.

You have dysphoria. Congrats. I know someone who's married to an insane person that tried to kill them, but stays solely to keep their kid safe and the systems aren't working because it's America, he's the only one who works, and he's clearly, only ever suffering. Everyday is work, everyday is anxiety, everyday is pain. Everyday is taking care of a kid by himself.

But please, let's not take time to hear their problems, tell me how MatPat personally bullied you. Tell me how someone clueless didn't label you right and it stuck with you alllll week. Please tell me how your problems are worse than anything else in america. Oh boo hoo. Boo hoo hoo. Woe is the trans person, again, again again, again.

Oh please, do put trigger warnings on everything, because everyone is as sheltered and healthy as you are, we have to put warning labels on words on the internet because god forbid people block tags or grow the fuck up. God forbid we say suicide instead of "unalive" or some pathetic shit.

Seriously outside of republican politics, trans people really have it better than any ANY other minority out there. You aren't hated for your looks, you hate your looks, and now, that's EVERYONE'S problem because the special prodigy minority stepped into the room. Make way, make room, Everyone Else, the trans person was mislabeled on an anonymous forum, every coddle them!

But by the sounds of things, you'd think we're back in the 50s and the blacks are trans. But uh, as far as I see, Florida is a shithole as always, and everywhere else is incapable of learning or normalizing because trans people accept NOTHING less than 250% maximum attention, affection, and knowledge.

Christ alive man. Just grow the fuck up and recognize the world doesn't fucking revolve around us. I hope to god this trans shit is a fad for most of you, because fuck me, trans people suck. They just do, and it's because you LOUDLY exclaim yourself to represent all, but you hardly represent anything but your own bigotry. Please. Just shut the fuck up, stop causing harm, and focus on literally anyone but MatPat ffs, the most frail, sick, dying kitten of a personality to attack over your shitty cult ideology.

Let's focus on the people causing harm, not people that mildly offended you out of their own ignorance you CHOSE to percieve as Vitriolic Hate.

[strawberrypuckle]

So I’ve made a difficult choice.

I went to thanksgiving with several relatives of my mom and my sister in law. It went well except nearly having a panic attack because my sister in law’s relative has grabbed things out of my hand before. I was trying to serve myself food and could see her eyeing my hands. Add in a long history of being restrained and punished because my motor skills were delayed and I still mostly used sign language. Even when until everyone went to brunch the next day and I decided not to go.

I was worn out and pissed off as my mom told me this week that she saw any expression of negative emotions I had as anger towards her. Even when they’re not and I say they’re not. I’ve had some muscle tension I could work through, but apparently I’m a dick towards for her for showing pain. This is not the first time she’s told me that and has been clear she is afraid of and unhappy with me unless I *perform*

Apparently my family still sees me as incapable. I want to adopt a dog at some point(and my therapist thinks it would be good for me), they have refused to help me find shelters and will not ship an animal even if I pay for it. I’ve got off Xanax after being on it for more then half my life, got a job, taught myself to take better care of myself and a household, deal with trauma while nearly everyone is more concerned about how it effects them, deal with the physical and mental turmoil, and yet I am still a lesser being.

My mom was so quick to tell me to repel and deal with negative opinions. I explained everyone deals with this but the amount of I’ve dealt with is a lot more then a lot of people and I am NOT going to like Jesus on the cross. When I was younger it was “get a thicker skin”.

The moment I went for help for PTSD treatment, my closest friends’ responses were

-that’s really delibating(my long time friend worked for a drug rehab place and thought he would be understanding. He was clearly uncomfortable)

-when can we have sex. We’re not dating, but why do you need a therapist. You got me. I don’t like that your therapist is encouraging building more muscle you should stay curvy. Boundaries? I’ll see if I can convince a family member to visit you during a PANDEMIC because you said no.

-messed up with a friend, went psychotic, thought she was being abused, thought she was sending secret messages. Said friend’s partner sent me an invite to discord because I almost didn’t make it after unalive attempt and was more angry I was angry then you know…I nearly passed away. Basically fucked up but I guess people were disappointed I came back alive

So I’m not going to family gatherings anymore. If people refuse to see my accomplishments or even see me as incapable of any more then fuck off. I’m not obligated anymore.

[sebyth]

Cross-posting this from my twatter (it will never be "x" to me, fuck that fucking jackass). Personal experience anecdotes to give context for why I feel a certain way about Certain Recent Fandom Drama. It's kinda long (didn't even count how many tweets it took up) so putting it under a read-more. Keeping most of the formatting as it was in my tweets, except a couple that were run-on. Fixing a handful of spelling errors and gonna change my on-twitter use of "unalive" back to "suicide".

tw suicide mention, tw bullying, tw mental illness

I have been angry for almost two days and have not been sure if I should say anything about it, or if that would make things even worse. So I am gonna talk about myself for a bit and work up to it. It's gonna start with my childhood and end up with fandom drama, if I finish.

When I was a kid I was weird and didn't get along with people very well. I still am not sure why. There are mental health reason that might be it or maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm just weird and off-putting in general. My report cards always had "doesn't get along well with others".

There is one memory I have when I was maybe 8 and watching some of my classmates be fawned over by older girls (like 11 years old) and hugging them. So I ran up with my arms out for a hug too and they looked at me with revulsion and turned away.

It never really got better from there. Later in jr high (that would be about 13, 14 years old maybe), I had no friends and had learned that I wasn't gonna have friends so I didn't waste my energy trying. I hung out with the other two kids who also had no friends.

This was before the internet mind you, late 1980s maybe early 1990s. One day a rumour started circulating that a letter had been found, which was supposedly us three talking about each other sexually (I never saw this letter so idk the details). It spread over the school fast.

On top of the jeers and scolding from everyone in class at us (nothing we said made any difference), walking the halls to get to the next class had everyone from other grades looking at us like we were monsters. This really affected me for years.

In high school one of the two other kids got friends, the other moved away, and I spent all my time alone. Even though there were new people at the school I didn't try to make friends because I knew people from my school would tell them about me being gross and awful.

In my first year of university my roommate asked to transfer to another room fairly quickly because "I was a witch" apparently. Luckily the rez staff didn't escalate even though it was a religious-adjacent university. At least I got a double room to myself for the year.

Eventually I decided to go full weirdo. If people were gonna treat me like a freak my entire life I might as well do what I want. I cut my hair however I wanted, I wore decorative paint on my face, I started making and altering clothes however I wanted.

I sometimes even smiled when I'd be walking down the street and hear things like "omg is that guy wearing a -dress-?! wait is that a guy…" Though people shouting "freak" etc suddenly from cars passing by never got easier.

I got the idea that maybe it was because I lived in a small town. In a small province with small-minded people. Maybe if I went somewhere big, a city with lots of people, I'd find people like me to be friends with. And surely I wouldn't be so eye-catching in a city.

So I moved to Ottawa and almost the next day started getting people STILL shouting "freak" and "it's not Halloween" at me. I tried to make friends but I still didn't seem to fit in and had a falling out with those people too. That was the first time I tried to kill myself.

Well that made people hate me even more I guess. Every time I started hanging out with a new person, it would end quickly. I started finding out that anyone I hung out with would get phone calls warning them about me. Not to hang out with me.

I'm unstable, I tried to commit suicide, I'm no good, or whatever else they were saying. My current friend S was one of the few people who stuck with me despite his ex gf from ANOTHER CITY who had NEVER MET ME calling him to warn him that she heard I was bad news.

I stopped leaving the apartment. I stopped trying to make friends. Something was clearly wrong with me, and i would never find people like me. Was I the problem? Was other people the problem? I don't know even to this day I struggle with this.

One of the last times I bothered to talk to my mother I was complaining about people yelling shit at me when I walked around outside and her response was "you're just dressing like that for attention aren't you, why are you surprised people do that"

I was like "no you dumb bitch I'm dressing like this because it is ME and i don't know why people need to yell at me for it". But I thought if that is the message people are receiving then maybe I should never go outside in front of people again.

So I was a shut-in for about 10 years with depression and anxiety and my only support was a guy who had problems of his own and we helped keep each other alive until he couldn't anymore for Reasons. And I did finally get help. But I still can't fucking socialize.

So I never really participated in fandoms much and I still found it very hard to know how to make friends or be a friend or anything like that. Every social attempt seems like a failure waiting to blow up in my face and have everyone telling everyone that I'm bad.

And it is with shame that I realize I was kinda doing the same thing when I heard that "mods of the tyk/qy zone might be whalers or anti-cpf" and went to dms to warn someone that it might be the case even though I personally couldn't find any proof of that being the case.

And I'd heard that it was being investigated by reasonable people so to sit tight and wait for more info. It did seem a bit odd to me that given how heavy-handed I've been blocking whalers that none of these people were blocked by me. Then it breached containment.

If you don't know who or what I'm talking about it, don't worry about it, but a big-social-pull person made a post declaring that everyone involved with the zine are "whalers" and that everyone should be aware. But they didn't include any proof. Usually people calling out c>

whalers in this fandom the most loudly and obnoxiously are like "omg look at dez whalerz " And now it looks like we've gone fully into "I said they are whalers so they are whalers" territory.

If the mods of the zine are doing bad shit, that should be addressed (with fucking evidence maybe at least). But "friends with someone who liked a whaler's post one time" is not evidence of wrongdoing. And being said by a person whose words carry weight should have proof.

Especially in the damn fandom where a man's life was destroyed by "he's near a evil place he's secretly evil I heard he had a girlfriend when he wasn't supposed to have one omg look his hand is up in this photo"

I feel like I'm caught in the middle, because i get where fans of the books come from. They don't want to have to keep up with ZZH's case etc just to enjoy stories that existed before he played his role in the show. But I also get that his fans feel like they are taking advantage of his image and the popularity of WoH while disregarding him if they don't keep up with the case. And I get that people deal with this terrible grief-causing situation with ZZH in all kinds of ways, be that moving all their focus onto GJ and looking for every scrap of gesture or clothing as proof that ZZH is okay, or be that being fans of a guy who sorta vaguely looks like ZZH who is doing stuff they can interact with. I was fine with just blocking the people who were excited about "new ZZH" so I don't have to see it. But this whole "rooting out secret whalers" and "everyone is a whaler if they looked at a whaler once and didn't immediately renounce zsj or whatever" bullshit Is really getting out of hand.

And on top of that maybe it's my paranoia but it's a little fucking convenient that this thing has shown up to drive a bigger wedge between book fans and show/actor fans as we get closer to the second anniversary of 813.

And I guess I should state clearly my stance for when the hounds inevitably come for me for being a bad person AGAIN. I don't believe the instagram/zsj. I am not a cpf. I have nothing against cpfs or GJ, he just doesn't spark joy for me like ZZH does and I'm not into RPF/RPS.

But I'm also a god damned adult and a very old one at that so I just don't bother with stuff I am not interested in. People like RPF/RPS and that is awesome for them! I don't wanna fucking see zsj stuff so I block it so I don't have to see it.

And if the mods of the zine are doing shady things, call it out with PROOF. OF THOSE THINGS. Even if that thing is "looked at zsj and didn't turn away" show some PROOF. OF THE THING, IN THE CALLOUT POST.

[sti11learning]

(TW:: Mentions of suicide, abuse, substance abuse, eating disorder)

"If they're talking about committing suicide they're not actually going to do it. Somebody that's serious won't say anything."

I hate when people say that shit. It's just a blanketed concept. If someone comes to you and says they want to unalive themselves why wouldn't you take them seriously?? "They just want attention". Ok then give it to them. Maybe they feel lonely or unloved for whatever reason. I would much rather take someone seriously when they say something like that than brush it off as an attention seeking tactic and find them dead the next day. Saying things like that are exactly why people keep from talking about their feelings.

At the age of 14 I told my mom that I was depressed and wanted to die. She laughed at me and asked me what I had to be depressed about. She got angry and started listing off all the things she had done for me. That I should be grateful for the life I had. I was grateful. But my stepdad was abusive to me and my younger brother. More so him than me. He was also abusive to our mom. But for whatever reason she kept him around.

After getting laughed at I decided that talking to her about any mental issues was a waste of time because she didn't take it seriously. I also decided that I needed to find reasons to stay. Despite the fact I really did want to leave this life I knew I had people I couldn't disappoint. The main one being my brother. He was only 8 at the time, defenseless. My dad was another reason. We always had a good relationship and he was the last person I ever wanted to let down. He saw my potential when no one else did. As I got older I just found new reasons to stay. My best friends or whatever boyfriend I had that I felt was worth it. But my brother and dad stayed at the top of the list.

I adopted a few unhealthy coping mechanisms along the way though. My thought process was that if I turned to pills instead the journey to death would be a slow one and the shock wouldn't be so harsh. Knowing good and well it wouldn't matter really once the damage was done. The level of disappointment and confusion would all be the same.

So for 5 years my top 2 stayed the same. And then it changed. By then I had struggled with pill addiction for about 3 years, along with an eating disorder. I weighed less than 100lbs at the age of 19. October of that year I met my now fiance. He got me out of my abusive household although it damn near killed me to leave my brother behind. The following year I got pregnant with our daughter and she took the #1 spot for my reasons to stay. I was 98.5lbs and I knew if I didn't get healthy she wouldn't live. So little by little with help from her daddy I got better. And she was born perfectly healthy 3 months before I turned 21.

My list of reasons to stay kept getting longer. And that made me happy. Soon after my daughter was born my brother started his own family and made me an aunt. My list got even longer. I got pregnant with my son 3 years later. Although I lost my dad later that year. Then I became an aunt again. And again. I now have 2 nephews, 1 niece and another nephew will arrive very soon. My list of reasons to stay went from only 2 to 8. Yea it took some years to grow but I have to say it was worth the wait.

So if you're still reading this and youve had thoughts of suicide please just take the time to find reasons to stay. Family, friends, pets. Whatever it may be. Please stay.

[delusion-of-negation]

ok but consider without the invention of disposals to fuel laziness we wouldn't have horror movie scenes where someone get's their hair stuck and scalped or the killer places one end of a wire down the sink then makes the other into a noose and turns on the disposal to choke their victim to death wouldn't exist

okay but consider that a noose is for drop hangings and it kills my suspension of disbelief when a supposedly talented killer uses a noose for a kill like that instead of a more appropriate knot. [tw ahead obviously, I'm gonna talk about hanging and portrayals of murder and suicide] the big knot on the back is to break your neck as you drop - you don't die from being suffocated in a proper, successful drop hanging. in fact, because it's not tightening, if you are strangled by a noose instead of your neck broken, you don't tend to suffocate, it's usually not tight enough, nor is it usually tight enough to cut off bloodflow to your brain, it usually cuts off bloodflow out of your brain (because of your body weight, which in the kinds of knots that do asphyxiate properly would tighten the part around your neck significantly) - which is as painful as it sounds. trust me on that. you absolutely do not want to survive the drop part of a drop hanging (or any hanging not tight enough) - and if you don't drop a pretty big distance (and I mean big, there's a reason gallows are so big), your chance of surviving the drop part increases. when suicides on tv have a person just kick a chair out from under them, I'm like "oh wow yeah that person would have survived the drop and likely died in the most painful and slow way you can die from strangulation. horrible." especially since the fact tv seems totally misled on this leads to people actually mimicking that when they commit unalive and... it's like how shooting your head from the side is easier to survive than people think, it's not instant certain death. I really don't know where I stand on portraying suicide, because on one hand being more honest leads to less people trying things that are actually slow and painful, or definitely would not work (tiny overdoses of stuff you almost certainly wouldn't die from even a large overdose of, for example), that can end up wrongly labeled as "gestures" and not legit attempts by psychiatrists. people knowing facts could lead to those people being in less pain, being able to make informed choices, etc. but on the flip side, it also means people who would've survived suicide attempts because of ignorance are now dead, and dead is generally considered not a good thing to be. I think at least we need to stop showing methods that aren't instant, fast, and/or certain as instant, fast, and/or certain, like hanging on tv should not be a couple twitches and it's over, either be brutal or don't show things that are brutal. y'know? obviously that's my opinion, I don't think we should 1984 anything that doesn't show it how I want or anything. and I'm not (since people misinterpreting me today) saying that showing suicide makes people suicidal, obviously, I'm saying we obviously don't educate people on how to die so the only information they get on it is from how it's shown in media, so people who already want to die are misled on how to. so yeah. I'm not about to tell y'all how to tie a better knot for that kind of hanging, I think that could be pretty irresponsable, but I will tell y'all- and killers in horror movies- not to use a goddam noose unless you want the death to be your veins making like what happens to a hose if you stick a rock in the end. ideally don't unalive at all, pretty much every way has a significant chance of being slow, agonising, and so forth. stop it, get some help.

tangent aside, that's another loss for garbage disposals, I'm afraid. blenders and other machinery can serve this function well, and too many inappropriate nooses have sullied any appreciation.

re

[rae-gar-targaryen]

Hello! How have you been?! It’s microbiology anon! 🥰 How is Cheddar doing?! Is he doing well?! This heat is trying to unalive me I stg. 😭 Oh, are you feeling better? ✨ - microbiology anon 🧪🔬

ps. How do you get over that feeling when a story you write doesn’t do well right away? I’ve been writing for years on here but I still get into those moods where it’s frustrating when you write something that doesn’t take off right away. It especially sucks when you’ve been working on it for a long time. 🫠. have there ever been any stories that you’ve experienced this with? 🫠

Hi my lovely microbiology anon! I'm always thinking of you, I swear, and then you pop up and I'm like ~the universe, she knows~

I'm SO sorry about the heat -- I hope it passes soon. I'm kina praying for rain myself but it doesn't rain much here 😭😭

YES, let's talk about fic reception, my love! Thank you for asking because ho boy, do I have some EXPERIENCE with exactly what you're talking about! First of all, I'm sorry that you're experiencing this feeling. I go through it CONSTANTLY -- and it's so frustrating!

When I posted my Andrew!Peter tattoo AU, "hang the stars upon tonight," I unfortunately chose a very quiet weekend when the dash was dead. And the AG fandom, I feel like, is slowing down a bit in terms of engagement these days anyway? It's not anything anyone's doing wrong, but I think people are interested in new and different things all the time! In any case, I worked on it for MONTHS and then it just... Didn't take off how I was hoping? Man, I was DEVASTATED!

Truly, I'm so grateful for anyone at ALL who reads my writing and enjoys it, and I know it shouldn't be about the notes. But we kinda can't help but feel disappointed when that happens, right? Especially when folks ask for a tag. And the algorithm is finicky on top of it...

And after I posted it I got a few rude anons (that I elected not to answer) basically mocking me for not getting as many notes on it.

It was just a LOT.

I'm sorry to rant -- it doesn't answer your question!

I guess I "get over it" by going back and rereading the kind notes and rbs and tags I DID receive, and re-reading a part I wrote that I was really proud of. And then I start thinking about the next one... And hope it hits better??

Again, the algorithm is so finicky, and if you're writing in either a fandom that's quiet, or one that's super busy where it's easy to get drowned out, it can be frustrating when you don't get the reception you're hoping for.

I truly try to engage with every fic I read or am tagged in, whether it's a comment or a RB, because I know how hard writers work on things and they deserve to feel appreciated! You deserve to feel appreciated! I'm sure your fic is BEAUTIFUL!

Do you mind me asking who you're posting for currently? (If not, that's okay!) 💜🌻🌿☀️😘

P.S. I'm doing better, and Cheddar is doing GREAT! We've been enjoying our walks alot lately and he's so good on the leash! I'm so proud of him. 🥺🌸