#we're both crying and sweating

[sidetrek]

Still grinding on these pages!

[terraswallows]

I’ve noticed something kind of tragically hilarious.

most trans girls on Tumblr are either running horny blogs, quietly battling clinical depression, or both. Like, the sacred rite of passage seems to be crying in a hoodie that smells like girl sweat and regret… only to pause mid-sob, scroll past some gorgeously drawn or written smut, and casually reblog it with a tag like “me n my gf (manifesting)” before going right back to spiraling.

It’s honestly an entire mood board: chipped nail polish, thighs half-shaved, heart in shambles—but the blog? Impeccably curated with soft porn, cursed memes, and big gay energy.

We're not okay, but at least we’re hot, gay, and terminally online about it. Tumblr’s our little church where we worship by thirsting, crying, and healing in the weirdest, most beautiful ways. Bless this chaotic little girlhood. Amen.

[thbbie]

༄ fwb!satoru x f!reader

his fingers ghost over you, your swollen puffy numb. twitching against the callouses of his fingertips.

right where you're most vulnerable. right where you're most sensitive, but not really.

you let him touch you like this, you allow his hands to dance over your body; edges and curves and all. they drag over you with care, so much tenderness it has you choking up.

you hardly deserve this. and yet selfishly you indulge.

satoru has always been so generous, so kind, so welcoming . he loves you in a way you don't believe to be possible and your not supposed to know this. he isn't supposed to feel that .

he kisses down your body, pretty pink lips leaving marks you warned him against, you aren't complaining, aren't moving to halt him and so he continues .

pretty sounds fall from your lips when the fleeting ghosts of his touch turn desperate. dull nails pulling your skin as he sinks into you, filling you to the brim with him. your velvet walls part for him in a way you swear your heart will never.

we're just friends . that was the agreement .

this means nothing.

nails clawing at his back means nothing, love bite sin the knots of your collarbone mean nothing, locking your ankles around him to keep him close means nothing.

satoru buries himself in you again and again and again, with his forehead pressed to yours and his snowy white hair melting into yours.

he savouring this. committing it to memory. your face, your sounds, your lips, your nose your eyes. he knows it all by memory but he wants more still.

you don't let him have you like this, you never let satoru see you when your intimate. he's always faced with your back, your face buried or tuned away.

can a belief be real if it only rings true under conditions.

'just friends' 'this means nothing'

right now — with your eyes shut closed in pleasure, riled to the back of your head and your hands grasping at his arms for dear life — this doesn't feel like nothing.

"hey, hey hey shhhh, you're okay. you're okay sweet girl. look at me please. "

you'd thing shaking your head no would have him speeding his pace, roughness taking over, punctuating his thoughts but he doesn't; keeping consistent, slow sweet loving.

you think you might die.

"please. look at me angel" but you're anything but. little slits of your eyes reveal themselves, glassy and wet; the real angel is above you smiling down so bright at you when he sees your pretty lashes fluttering. sweat-slicked and gorgeous. you never seen something more beautiful.

it's overwhelming seeing him like this.

just friends. just friends. just friends. friends who fuck. just friends. friends that fuck. just friends who fuck. fuck. fuck...

it's over whelming being seen like this.

he continues steadily, firm chest pressed close to yours, your nipples hard and brushing on his when the angle is right.

strong slender fingers roam your body, lower and lower till he reaches your sopping folds, circling the part where you both meet, teasing the delicate skin stretched thin. your cry out, and its the most encouraging sound he's ever heard.

bloody little crests decorate his arms, his shoulder blades, he rubs your clit. slow and tender like he knows that's how you break.

slap my ass, spit on my face, call me desperate, call me a whore, just don't -

"i love you" just as you come undone.

how he knows you will? you cannot be sure, but all the same it's pathetic of you; maybe it's those words that did it. those three words that carry so much weight falling kindly of his tongue. you wanna suck on it to get him to shut up. you think he's meanest when he's like this.

"i love you i love i loveyouilove-" his words slur together and you know he's next. head falling into the crook of your neck when he cums with a groan. reluctantly having pulled out of you to release on the skin of your belly.

you've done much more.. erotic things with satoru, this somehow manages to feel like the most intense

"there you are" "that would've made more sense earlier satoru" instead of saying those words, you want to add but don't.

and he just smiles at you like you can do no wrong.

the fingers rubbing at your nerves slow, until the movement ceases, letting go of the second part you're most sensitive to kiss up your body, laying back on the silken sheets and pulling you into him.

the little beating organ buried in your ribs is first. always. rapid and pounding against his own. he feels it, melting into the rhythm of you.

"just friends we said. we agreed" snug against his chest, still raising and falling to catch his breath

"mhm, just friends is what we are"

just friends.

friends who kiss, friends that hug.

good friends that say i love you when they cum

[demonic0angel]

Darkseid decides to drop in on Jack and Maddie Fenton to fuck with normal people, as he likes to do. Jack and Maddie simply don't acknowledge the fact he's clearly a giant alien god and just sort of treat him like a house guest/client who showed up randomly.

Maddie beamed. "Would you like some dessert? My husband just finished making some."

"I make a mean brownie bowl sundae!" Jack said triumphantly. "Do you want vanilla or chocolate ice cream?"

Darkseid stared at them in confusion as Maddie placed a cup of decaf coffee in front of him. She helpfully opened the creamer and gave him the sugar cube box.

Jack laughed. "What am I talking about? Both would be great! We're big guys, we deserve as much ice cream as we want, amirite?"

Darksaid said slowly, "... Yes." He took the offered food with a nod of acknowledgment but no one pointed it out.

Maddie looked at Jack chidingly. "Dear, don't get too much! We don't have a lot left and Jazz and Danny just had a test today! They deserve some ice cream too."

Jack nodded. Then he paused in his scooping as he then asked, "Wait a minute, where are Jazz and Danny?"

The two were currently behind the kitchen door, sweating bullets.

"Please tell me that isn't an alien overlord in our kitchen, eating dad's brownie bowl sundae!!" Jazz shouted in a whisper.

Danny looked at her with an expression of pure horror and bafflement.

Jazz looked like she was about to cry.

They were screwed.

"Dammit!"

[cntloup]

Fem!Reader giving birth, fluff

"Mrs. Riley, ready to push?" the doctor asks as you sob in agony, sharp stabbing pain shooting through your body. You cling to Simon and he holds you in his arms from the side of the bed, "Nooo, please! I can't!!" you cry out, tightly squeezing Simon's hand, "Love, look at me." he beckons softly, nuzzling your face, his calm voice comforting you for a moment before another wave of excruciating contractions strikes and you curl into yourself, crying desperately for them to get the baby out of you sooner. The scene in front of him breaks his heart. He wishes he could take your pain away.

"You can do this, lovie. You're the strongest, bravest person I know. You've come this far. I'm sure you can do it. And we're gonna have a baby girl, dove." he croons against your temple, plants a sweet kiss on your lips and soothingly rubs your back, his words causing you to feel a surge of courage and endurance. “Mrs. Riley, it’s time.” the doctor says and you start pushing, wailing and sobbing violently. He doesn't even flinch at the feeling of you grasping his hand so tightly to the point of almost breaking his bones, yet he trembles, panic evident in his eyes as you scream at the top of your lungs, but he stays strong for you as he holds you and coos praises into your ear.

After what feels like an eternity of pain and screaming, you hear the loud cry of your baby and let out a sigh of relief, flopping back down on the bed. “Dad, will you?” the nurse calls Simon and he places a loving kiss on your forehead and goes to cut the umbilical cord, tears well up in his eyes as they land on his baby girl. The nurses take her to clean her up and swaddle her.

By the end, you’re utterly exhausted, soaked in sweat and your throat dry and hoarse from all the screaming. Simon holds a glass of water in front of you with one hand and gently lifts your head with the other. “Attagirl.” he praises as you gulp down the whole glass and a content sigh leaves your mouth. “You did great, lovie. I'm proud of you.” he murmurs as he tucks away the strands of hair stuck to your damp forehead, "I love you." he whispers, kissing your lips, "Love you too, Si." you whisper back in a weak, tired voice.

His whole world has changed. He cannot believe how far he’s come. All those years, it never even occurred to him that he was even capable of falling in love and getting married, let alone having a child and creating such a loving family.

They hand you your baby and you cry joyous tears as you hold her gently in your arms, cooing at her softly. "Here, Si. Say hello to your daughter." you encourage him to hold her. At first, he panics, body slightly shivering. He takes a deep breath, leans forward and delicately takes her tiny, fragile body in his big, strong arms, gaze filled with love and adoration. He sits on the edge of the bed and embraces you. The moment he holds you both in his arms, time stops and everything else is a blur. It's just him and his girls. 

comments/reblogs are greatly appreciated ♥ 

Dad!Simon art by @ave661

[tom-whore-dleston]

Warning: 18+ Joaquin Torres thots; mdni

Just imagine how sex with Joaquin would be like before he goes on a mission. You both are already so in love with each other that neither of you could keep your hands off each other. His kisses would be heated and passionate, leaving your lips swollen from him biting and sucking them. On top of that, he'd mark your skin with his teeth and tongue.

"Something to remind you of me while I'm gone. Once I'm back, I'll give you some more, 'kay, cariño?" Joaquin would murmur into your ear, making you melt against him before he could touch you with his hands. And, boy, were his hands talented.

Joaquin loved propping you in front of a mirror so you could watch him tease and pleasure you from behind. You sat on his lap at the foot of the bed with your legs spread open in front of the mirror. Whether naked or fully clothed, he'd rub your clit in small, slow circles, while his other hand played with your nipples or grabbed your neck, lightly squeezing. His dick would harden underneath you as you squirmed from his touch, causing him to chuckle darkly. You both would keep your eyes focused on each other through the mirror until you were twitching and crying out.

Yet, Joaquin didn't stop there. He would lay you down on the bed, keeping your legs open and kneel down before you. He'd suck the skin of your thighs before dragging his tongue over your wet pussy. As he ate you like the last time he'd ever taste you, he'd grab your hips, pulling you closer to his face, intoxicated by your scent. If you'd try to fuck his face or pull his hair, he'd pin your hips down hard on the bed.

"Be a good girl and take what I give you."

And you did. Every single time. Until his mouth and chin were coated in your slick. Joaquin always looked so sexy after he had eaten you out, the image being ingrained in your brain while he was away from home.

As for the way he fucks you, he is ruthless, but still making sure you are safe and comfortable. Joaquin loved trying out different postion that would drive you both crazy. Seeing your body arched and curved in different shapes as you moaned his name always egged him on to fuck you harder and faster. He loved spanking your ass, pulling your hair, and kissing you in any position you were in.

Watching you come always got him to come right after you. The moment you would cream around his cock, shaking and screaming in bliss, Joaquin would let out a hearty growl and his strokes inside you would become rough and out of rhythm.

He loved shooting his cum all over your face, letting it drip into your mouth and onto your chest. He has a whole photo album on his phone of you covered in his cum that he likes to look at while he is away from you. After a few minutes of laying in the afterglow of sex, Joaquin would pull you into the shower with him, cleaning off the sweat, saliva and cum off each other. Sometimes, you'd go for round two in the shower, depending on how badly you wanted to savor each other.

No matter how long Joaquin was out on a mission, you missed him dearly from the moment he left until he would arrive on your doorstep with his sweet smile and open arms. But the marks on your body and the lingering feel of his touch would remind you he was never too far and he'd always come back to give you more of what you craved.

we're back baby! I missed writing so much and honestly this isn't my best, but thank you Joaquin for being the most amazing muse <3 :')

[fire-bean]

Sylus smut drabble

“Don't look away sweetie.”

His hand encompasses your chin, fingers squishing against your cheeks as he keeps your gaze up, fixed on the large mirror in front of you. Any embarrassment you had at first is long gone now in your hazy state, and your half focused gaze just takes the sight in.

Sat on his lap on the edge of the bed, your back against his chest. Your legs are spread over each of his own, giving you both a clear view of how you clench around him. His grip remaining on your face, his other hand drags tauntingly slow circles between your legs. His lips brushing against the shell of your ear, you can see his crimson gaze roll hungrily over your bare form.

Perhaps you should have known he wouldn't have taken that comment lightly. He’d bought you a dress for the gala tonight, a long red silk thing with a slit that came up to the centre of your thigh. As gorgeous as the garment was, you just didn't feel right in it, judging every little thing you didn't like about yourself. The joke you made about yourself was self-deprecating, laced in insecurity, but you thought it wouldn't matter. Jokes like that never really got noticed with anyone else before. But as soon as you spoke, Sylus had frozen and his attention snapped to you, as if the mere suggestion was a personal insult.

The dress now lays forgotten on the floor, abandoned alongside any intention of attending the event. Sweat lines your forehead, lips parted as you try to catch your breath. Another moan escapes you as his hips start to roll against yours once again, burying himself even further inside you.

“See? Look at you, so gorgeous.”

His every movement is tantalising, calculated, entirely focused on making your head spin. All the while his left hand remains on your cheek, making you watch as you swallow every inch of him. He's made you finish twice now already, making you squirm in his hold as he keeps rocking into you. In your reflection you can see how your skin is lined with a sheen of sweat, previously neatly styled hair now frayed and messy. Yon can feel him moving so deep inside you, his every move paired with the rhythmic sound of his skin against yours. You can see his cock drag in and out of your soaking folds and the way he runs his fingers over your core just above it. It isn't long until you feel a familiar tightness in the pit of your stomach, letting another breathy cry as you come around him for the third time.

And when your eyes meet his own through the mirror, your body sensitive and exhausted, a wide grin spreads across his face. A silent promise. You almost sob as he starts to move inside you once again. Closing your eyes at the stimulation, he squeezes your cheeks slightly. You barely hear his words as he croons against your ear, his voice low and teasing.

“We're not finished yet sweetie. Keep watching.”

[mia-can-yap-too]

Diamond-less Disaster

What?:- The Blue Lock boys try to ask you out! Except they're in 'Episodes – Choose your Story' and don't have enough diamonds...

Warnings:- Crack, isagi crying from embarrassent (not in front of the huzz tho), rin uses plant flirtation tactics, kaiser is so confident im pretty sure its almost OOC

Who:- Isagi Yoichi, Itoshi Rin, Micheal Kaiser

Isagi Yoichi

Isagi doesn't know how he did it, but somehow, he convinced you to join him on his early morning runs.

It went quite smoothly, actually. He slowed his pace to match yours and occasionally switched to a light jog so it would be easier to hold a conversation with you.

The only downside was that both of you forgot to bring water bottles. Fortunately, you spot a vending machine nearby.

Isagi, ever the gentleman, pays for your waters and sits down next to you.

Still panting, he takes a minute to admire you. Even in your sweaty-hair-stuck-to-your-forehead-and-face-red-from-running glory, you are no less than the sun to him.

Tell her you like her

[15 💎] Ask her out to a date later

[Free] Stand five feet away, wave awkwardly, and say "I respect oxygen"

All of a sudden, Isagi stands up and waves at you, nervously.

Raising your eyebrows and giving your own awkward wave, you ask, "Are you... alright?"

"I... respect oxygen."

"What?"

"I mean... you breathe... good?"

He looks like he's about to cry out of embarrassment, but no, he has to be a man. And real men keep going even in the trenches.

"I uh... meant that oxygen is so useful, like wow, I'm so grateful. I mean... the trees are sure working overtime for us, huh? Go, Mother Nature! O2, wow, couldn't live without it..."

You are weirded out. Like, incredibly weirded out. "I guess... I didn’t know you were so passionate about oxygen..."

He doesn't meet your eyes. He can never meet your eyes again if he wants his dignity intact.

Face as red as the faux tomatos you were throwing at him in his head, he pretends to be shocked as he looks at his watch.

"Oh no...! I have practice with... Kaiser! We're the best of buddies, so I can't leave him hanging, you know? So, I have to go. Like, right now. Sorry for leaving you like this," he starts walking backwards, "Okay? Okay. Bye!"

It's a full-on sprint now. He is definitely crying from embarrassment now.

You've chosen humiliation. Confidence -20

Itoshi Rin

The classroom you're in is quiet, the perfect environment for you to peacefully doodle in.

That is, of course, before Rin enters like a glitchy DLC character that no one paid for. [a/n:- im lying yall would play just for him smh]

Rin has been hyping himself up for this all week. Today, he will confess to you. No matter what.

Okay. Just talk. Be normal. Be cool. Compliment her. Compliments are free, right?

You've never opened up to anyone before. Let her in.

[30 💎] "You calm the chaos in my head."

[Free] "If I were a plant, I'd tolerate you as my sunlight."

Apparently, compliments aren't free.

Rin opens his mouth despite it all and speaks in the most monotone voice you've ever heard.

"If I were a plant... I'd tolerate you as my sunlight."

Oh God, not another one.

Confused, you ask, "... You'd tolerate me?"

He wants to die inside. "Yeah, I wouldn't wither... Immediately. Like I usually do..."

"So... I'm not bad. Just... barely acceptable?"

Okay, now he's in the danger zone. Like, the part where you're sweating nervously and begging God to kill you with lightning or whatever works for Him.

"Some plants thrive on neglect. I could be one of those. You could be... my low-maintenance sun."

"Rin..." Oh no, now you sound worried. "That sounds so insulting and sad. Are you okay?"

"You're like... the right amount of photosynthesis. Not too much. Not too... chlorophyll-ly...?"

Why is he still trying?!

Once he realizes that he's drowing, he tries to fix it and fails miserably because the author of this fic likes chaos.

"Wait. No. Forget I said any of this."

With that, he dissappears.

Well, fuck. He should've just paid the diamonds.

You've chosen Emotional Constipation with Agricultural Undertones.

Michael Kaiser

Desperately trying to get away from all the pathetic-boy-chaos, you slip onto the rooftop to watch the sunset.

The sun is setting, and the golden hour casts a beautiful glow on you. And Micheal Kaiser.

He appears like the ghost of dramatic monologues past, and his hair glints as if he's actively photosynthesizing ego. He walks towards you with the swagger of a man who already knows your heart belongs to him. Except it doesn't.

Sweep her off her feet (not literally)

[40 💎] "The spot as the Empress to my Emperor is forever vacant for you."

[Free] Call her a peasant and throw a rose at her feet.

Nothing can deter him. Not even having a maximum of 2 diamonds.

"Kneel peasant," he smirks.

You're seriously offended. Even though you already know what's happening.

"Excuse me?!"

He dramatically pulls out a crumpled rose from somewhere inside his jacket, and looks at it as if it hold all the wealth in the world.

"This rose... was once blooming and vibrant. But now, it's withered.... just like your charm and charisma."

He drops it at your feet as if he's bestowing unknown luxuries to you.

"I bless thee."

"Did you just throw trash at me?! I bet that came from a gas station, too, asshole!" You scowl at him, and Kaiser can't understand why.

Looking as if you just praised Isagi in front of him, he starts his rant off with, "First of all, it was a roadside convenience emporium...!"

You have chosen Romantic Tyranny. -10 bitches.

a/n:- my goal as a writer is that you read my fics and think "wtf was going on in her head?" LOLOL i have never played this game so this is all based on what friends have said and tbh the choices in the game are probably much worse than this but idc

m.list

@strangergraphics for dividers

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | thirteen.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 7k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, we catch a lil moment with belle 🙄, crying .. lots of crying, just lots of hurt and heartache, more misunderstandings, we see a bit of parents from both sides - esp san's dynamic with his father, flashback scene with smut: oral (f. receiving), 🤠, praises, lots of sweet kisses and tender moments, some nipple play, soft and slow smut!!

—a/n: fic announcement soon!

If the texts yesterday afternoon weren't nerve-wracking enough, it was the downtime in between the texts and seeing San that had you ready to curl up in a ball out of anxiety; fetal position, rocking back and forth as an attempt to rid the feeling. San hadn't texted much after deciding the two of you should talk the following day, and you never questioned why he couldn't just see you the same night he had told you he needed to talk. 

you: 😞 you didn't even look my way when you walked back into the office and i haven't heard from you all day.

you: i hate how all my papers and presentations are due this week. plus ppl have been weird, idk. i just wanna cuddle 😭

san: i'm sorry. it's just been a day.

you: that's never stopped you before... ☹️ what's wrong, san?

san: we should talk, baby.

you: oh.. okay. so let's talk tonight? i just need to finish up a few things, and i'm halfway done on most of my papers and presentations. i think they can wait a bit.

san: no, you should finish up. i've got a ton of things to catch up on so tonight won't work. can we do this tomorrow? i'll come pick you up once we're both done in the lab.

you: are you sure?

san: mhm. i'm sorry again, it really just has been kinda all over the place today.

you: it's fine, san. as long as you can promise me we're okay?

san: we will be. i'll talk to you tomorrow, okay? try to take breaks and rest well.

You accepted it, even if it felt excruciating and painfully long.

These things never turn out well, and you knew your case wasn't gonna be an exception. You were afraid for it, you were nervous and you were wondering what San might do to try and lessen the blow of whatever was coming.

He wouldn't hurt you, right?

He meant it when he said you two would be okay, right?

Even if he tried to be as reassuring, everything about it felt off and cryptic. None of it felt like sunshine and rainbows, none of it felt like the San you felt in love with. None of it felt like the giddy excitement, the comfort, the safety you had come to know and love. 

You hated automatically assuming the worse, but nothing was preventing you from doing so— not even San.

Today was actually pretty uneventful, nonetheless. Despite the wait and silence from San, you felt like you managed to get by in one piece. It still felt like everyone was looking at you; like they had all known your deepest, darkest secrets. Like they had been following your every move, especially while you were with San. It still felt awful, but you had learned how to push aside because people could talk and assume— but they would never know the true story.

And who knows? Even if you tried to explain yourself, they wouldn't get it.

You didn't really owe that explanation to anyone, you think.

The only other weird part about your day was when you had tried to help Belle earlier since you had some downtime and she brushed you off completely. She had been avoiding you, and it was pretty obvious she was letting the talk get to her head. She didn't maintain eye contact with you, she didn't acknowledge you, and she didn't talk to you the way that she used to.

—FLASHBACK

You walk into the lab, passing by a few of your labmates with a tiny, toothless smile etched on your lips. There was no Sunwoo around, but there was Belle; yet, she still hadn't turned to acknowledge your presence. You had gotten through your to-do list for Sunwoo's project, leaving you with extra time to spare today. You hadn't been able to dedicate a lot of your support to Belle lately due to all those technical issues you needed to troubleshoot for your project with Sunwoo, and you figured this would be a good time to make up for it.

Unless she had other plans.

"Hey Belle!" You come to her desk, pulling the courage from deep down within you to approach her first. She looks up at you, a brow cocked up before returning her attention to her laptop. "I have some time to help—"

"No thanks, I'm good." She doesn't look at you. "Just so you know, I don't really need extra help anymore. I've got everything figured out already."

"Oh, okay." You step away from her desk, fiddling with your fingers while you stand there looking dumb. "Are you sure?" She pauses her typing before finally looking back up at you with her brows knit tightly together. 

"I just said it, didn't I?"

"I-I'm sorry, I just wanted to make sure since I had the time and I haven't been able to help you out as much cause of Sunwoo's project."

"Why don't you go and use your extra time with Professor Choi since you've been doing that anyway?" She gives you a look that settles in the pit of your stomach. You don't say anything to her, even as she shuts her laptop close and stands— brushing past you to get to one of the behavior rooms. You feel a bit hurt, and your other labmates aren't even paying attention to the whole thing; or, maybe they are, and they just don't wanna say anything to dig deeper into the wound. 

So, you turn on your heel with your head down, returning to your desk to continue your data analysis in silence.

—END

You try to tell yourself that it doesn't really matter— that you didn't need anyone's reassurance or validation. It hurt despite not being super close to Belle, but you knew she thought of you in a different light now and that wasn't really fair. You could see how it'd look problematic on the surface, but you thought she knew you better than that.

Guess it's also your fault for assuming.

When it's time for San to pick you up at your usual pick-up spot, you grab your keys and head out— still not having changed out of your outfit for the day. You try to take slow steps to not seem too eager, but you can't help it when you see San parked in his usual spot. This time though, he isn't watching for you in the rear view mirror. 

"Hey." You swing the door open and slide in. San gives you a small smile, followed by a:

"Hey." He watches as you dip forward to kiss him on the lips like you always do, and he surprisingly takes it. You were getting ready for the rejection or some kind of pull back; but, to San's own knowledge, he did it because he knew it'd be the last time he could savor it.

"You okay? Were you able to finish everything you needed to?"

"Uh, yeah. Think so." He says with a subtle chuckle before driving off. 

"Are we going to your house?"

"Thought we could sit at the view and talk, if that's okay with you?" You slowly nod, keeping your eyes trained on San as he drives.

"Okay. You're scaring me, Sannie." He shakes his head. 

"Please don't be."

"Then why couldn't we just talk about this like normal at your place?"

"Y/N, you trust me, right?" He quickly looks at you as he comes across a red light. You silently nod, just in time for him to drive off and continue onto the destination. "Okay, so trust me." He's still being so cryptic and distant that you don't even know how to respond. You quietly sit back in your chair and watch the surroundings pass you by, trying to settle the queasiness you feel building in your stomach.

These things never go well, and your case doesn't seem to be a one-off.

San continues to remain silent as he drives the rest of the way to the view, the music softly filling in as background noise that's enough to distract you. When he pulls into the small empty side lot and parks his car, he lets out a sigh and sits back.

"How was your day today?" He asks softly, still avoiding contact with you.

"It was okay, I guess. Better than yesterday."

"That's good."

"San." You adjust your position so you're looking directly at him, body facing him. "What is it that you wanted to talk about?"

"I don't know where to start."

"You have to start somewhere." He sighs again. "You know, whatever it is, you can tell me. We can figure this out together." You raise your hand to cup his cheek, almost somewhat of a gesture to force him to look at you. And for a minute, you feel him relax under your touch. You can tell he wants to turn and kiss the palm of your hand like he usually does, but he doesn't. "Sannie—"

"We should stop this." Your mouth slightly drops even though you don't know what to say. Your eyes widen, your touch turns cold. You retreat your hand while you let the response sink, San still keeping his gaze out of the window because he truly can't dare to look at you right now.

He'll fold.

He'll forget all about this and risk everything for the both of you.

He shouldn't.

"W-what?"

"We need to stop this, Y/N." He finally looks at you and his gaze feels like an icebox. Everything feels so cold and distant, even if it's supposed to be a front; it's working, and it's fucking you up completely.

"All of a sudden? I-I thought we were fine, what happened? What did I do wrong?" He shakes his head.

"Nothing. It's not anything you did, I'm just trying to be realistic here."

"Realistic? I thought you didn't care about the outside noise?"

"We're only prolonging the inevitable, don't you get it? Everything is going to come crashing down on us whether we like it or not. No matter how hard I try to stop it, this is what it'll eventually come to." You don't really understand where he's coming from or what he's getting at, but it's too late— you feel the tears steadily streaming down your cheeks.

Then, you're sobbing into your hands and you feel pathetic. But San feels terrible, he hates this. He doesn't wanna do this but he's conflicted between right and wrong, between being selfish and letting you go. "San, why?"

"Y/N, please hear me out on this, okay?" He's barely able to answer.

"Why? You ask him again. You cry in his passenger's seat, wiping it away with your sweater sleeves. "You said I could trust you, a-and that you wouldn't hurt me because you didn't care about anyone else."

"I need you to understand that I'm doing this because I care about you."

"But, I love you." San shakes his head as tears streak his own cheeks.

"We're being too selfish." He looks at you. "I am. I'm being too selfish and I don't need this to ruin things for you more. I need to put you first—"

"Why do you get to decide what that looks like for me, San?" He doesn't respond. "So, you don't want this?" He lets out a shaky sigh. "Us?"

"That's far from how I feel and you know it."

"Why can't you just say it back? Why can't we just let this be? I don't care—" You tug on his arm and he grips your hand before shaking his head.

"Because this is already hard as it is. Y/N, listen to me." He pleads, cupping your cheeks. He finally looks deep into your eyes, his thumb gently caressing the surface. The life in his eyes are gone. The glow, the stars. Now, his eyes are dull. They're holding back. They don't show you anything. "We should stop. We need to. Namjoon and the dean are discussing your future at the school, and I need you to keep going in this program. I need you to keep going forward even if that means I can't be right there with you every step of the way. You deserve to be here and you deserve to finish this until the very end. You've worked so hard to get here, and I refuse to let them lose out on you simply because of me."

"This makes no sense to me. Why do we have to do this? We can just be more careful and plan better. We can just—"

"I'm trying to protect you." 

"Protect me? From Namjoon and the dean? Or are you trying to protect yourself?"

"I don't give a damn about me, Y/N!" He's a little angrier with this response but you know it isn't directed towards you. It's towards Namjoon. The dean. Yunho and Iseul. This whole fucked up situation. "I'm always gonna put you first. It's always been about you and it'll always be about you." You cry a bit harder at his answer, unsure of what to make of this entire thing. You don't know if San really means this or if he is just trying to protect you. You don't know what to do, you don't know if you should keep trusting him the same way. 

You don't know if you can, and that's probably because you're blinded by all the overwhelming emotions you're feeling right now.

The both of you sit in this thick silence, your cries now filling the space while San tries to muster up the last bit of his energy to try and make you feel better— to get you to understand this better.

It's not that he wants to, he has to.

"I don't—" He swallows thickly. "I don't wanna do this but I have to. You have to understand." He says at a whisper, more tears streaming down his red-stained cheeks. "You have to understand, baby. Please." He begs. "I don't want them to do anything to you and I don't wanna jeopardize your future. Just listen to me. We have to do this." He leans forward to cup your cheeks and wipe your tears away with his thumb.

"No, we don't." You almost whine, but all San can do is shake his head and sit back in his seat.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but I have to do what's best for you." His voice shakes. "I really am so sorry, sweetheart." He answers lowly, wiping his remaining tears before retreating back into his shell and showing off his cold demeanor for the remainder of his time with you. "I should get you back."

"I should've never trusted you. I should've known this was all too good to be true. You didn't care." You cry, repeating all this nonsense to try and get him to hurt the same way as you somehow. Because he'll never understand. Everything had led up to this and you were still unprepared for this. Even though you knew you'd be here at some point, nothing would have ever prepared you for the way your heart drops to your stomach; the way you feel nothing but thunder and rain.

Blue and grey.

He does, though.

In fact, he's probably hurting the most because he had to pull the trigger and let you go.

He hates it. He fucking hates it. 

He's trying to drown out the rest until he gets you back to your building because he can't take it. He can't take hearing you cry anymore, he can't take hearing you say these awful things because you're angry at the moment. He hopes that you'll see where he's coming from eventually because all he's ever wanted to do was protect you and keep you safe.

All he's ever done was care about you, and you only.

All he's ever felt was love for you, and you only. You showed him what love was like again and he'll never take that for granted.

This was him showing you love. He needed to put you first.

"I care about you more than anything. I'm trying to do what's best—"

"Without involving me? Deciding for me? Yeah." You wipe away at your cheeks once more before unbuckling your seatbelt. "Whatever San, save it." You tell him before swinging the door open and stepping out. "You were just trying to protect me. I get it."

"Baby, don't be like that. Please don't make this harder than it already is. I would never intentionally hurt you. You know this." He tries to reach for your hand, but you move it away.

"You don't get to call me that anymore." You roll your eyes. "Anyway, goodluck, San." Is all you say before slamming his door shut and storming off. You begin to cry to yourself again, feeling sorry for yourself and stupid. You know deep down that San was only trying to do the right thing and that he was trying to protect you. But, right now, you're angry, you're sad, you're upset. You feel empty and betrayed and you just need to feel this out in order to let it pass.

This too shall pass.

When you head upstairs, you quickly pack up a few things, along with your laptop and other school-related necessities before locking up and heading to your car. You feel a migraine coming on, which definitely means you should take it easy and stay behind; but, all you can think about is getting to your mom and being away from school for a few days.

Nothing's better than a mother's love and comfort, even though you aren't entirely sure how she's gonna react to this, how she'll feel about San.

In the end, you don't hate him. 

You can't.

You could never.

—FLASHBACK

"That was a good girl's date, wasn't it? We got massages, our nails done. Now we're eating a banana split under this nice weather." Your mom chuckles. "You need to come home more often."

"I know, I know." You scoop up a good helping of the banana split, internally conflicted on when is a good time to let your mom know about what's been going on. She would probably be surprised and scared for you, but your mom had a good way of choosing her words. She had a good way of being there for you but making her concerns known without pointing fingers or putting any blame on your actions.

"How has school been? Your friends?"

"They've been good. We've all been busy with our labs."

"Jiung's been good? You think you guys are all gonna stay in the labs you're currently rotating in?"

"He's good, yeah. And I think so, they all seem to be enjoying it."

"How about you?" You poke at the banana before scooping another helping. Your mom can already tell there's something else on your mind, but she's gonna let you take the floor and open up about it when you're ready.

Which is now. 

You just don't know if she's ready.

"Uh, yeah. It's been good!" You give her a small smile. "I'm still deciding on my route, but it's been good." Pause. "There's actually something else I've been meaning to tell you."

"Okay, try me!" She chuckles. "What is it?"

"I've been seeing someone."

"Oh?" She laughs. "Well, isn't that great?! I mean, you never needed a man, okay. But, as long as they make you happy and add value to your life. I just want you happy." She laughs. "Who is he, where did you meet? Tell me everything!" You sigh and take a deep breath before starting.

"We met at school. In the lab. Because.. he's my rotation professor." You give her a look, afraid of what she'll say. She stops mid-bite and almost chokes, setting her spoon down before looking at you with knitted brows.

"Your.. what?! Y/N—"

"Mom, please. Just hear me out before you start assuming and saying things. He didn't abuse his power, I didn't throw myself on him, okay? It just happened." You immediately say and look at her with puppy eyes. "We just happened. We grew feelings for each other and just clicked really well. We've been keeping things lowkey."

"But, Y/N. Honey, I say this sincerely. What if people find out? Not that I want them to, but they will." You shrug.

"I don't know, we'll figure it out."

"H-how old is he?"

"32."

"Oh, okay. He's young."

"And handsome." You rest your chin on the palm of your hand and smile. "His name is San. Choi San. He's pretty popular in the bioengineering and neuroscience world."

"That's good." Your mom is slightly shutting down and you know it's because her thoughts are traveling at 100mph and she doesn't know what to think or do.

Or say.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I know you're worried but I'll be fine, okay? I promise. It'll all be fine." You add to break the silence and reach for her hand.

"I just don't want him to hurt you and then you lose everything you've worked so hard for over him."

"I just don't know where this is gonna take us. Things feel too overwhelming. Like.. I just don't want any talk getting into his head about us."

"It could really ruin things for the both of you, Y/N. Please be smart about your actions. Don't throw everything away because of him. That's all I ask. Just by the looks of it, I know he makes you happy and you're riding cloud nine, but you need to remember who comes first— yourself."

"I know. I hear you. I don't mean to cause any unnecessary worry or anything."

"No, you're not. Lovey, I'm your mom, I'm always gonna worry regardless. But, I trust you enough to make the right decisions and to take care of yourself. I know you'll be smart and I know you won't be completely reckless. I'm not gonna lie, this— this isn't a 'conventional' relationship and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet." She sighs and looks at you with a hint of concern in her eyes. "I'm trying hard to see this from your side, not from my side, and I think it'll take me time to get used to. In the end, I just don't want you to get hurt. I don't want people to think bad about you, and I don't want you to lose everything you've worked so hard for."

"I know, but it's all okay. I promise." You promise her, but you don't even know if you believe the promise yourself. "You can trust him." She doesn't say much, and you can tell she's trying her hardest to swallow her true emotions.

"Just becareful."

—END

San picks up the phone to call Namjoon, hands slightly trembling. He's still sitting in his car, still sitting in the same spot because it's his turn to cry and let out all his feelings. He hits the steering wheel before running a hand through his hair, second-guessing all his decisions.

Why did it have to come down to all of this? Did he really have to? How long before he folds and comes back to you?

Before he says fuck this all together and chases after you?

He keeps trying to remind himself that he needs to protect you and let this blow over. He keeps trying to remind himself that it'll all be worth it and you both will find your way back to each other again.

In time.

"San."

"It's over with." Is all he is able to say before Namjoon lets out a small sigh on the other end.

"I'm sorry, San. Look, just give this time—" Quite frankly, he doesn't wanna hear it anymore. Not today, not tomorrow, not for awhile.

"It's fine." He cute him off. "You don't have to say it. Just please make sure nothing happens to her."

"You got my word. I'll figure this out. Don't worry." San ends the call before he's digging his head into his hands and cries.

And cries.

And cries.

Because now his days are going to blend back to the black and white filter he used to have on. He'll never experience that warmth, those colors, without you around.

He'll never witness where the sea meets the sky, when the sun sinks below the horizon. When dawn meets dusk. 

His days will be monotone and dull, lifeless and cold. Gloomy. Days he had prayed to get past and never return to.

But, he's here again.

And somehow, this pain feels worse this time around than the first time.

—FLASHBACK

San sighs when he pulls up to his parents' house, aggressively shifting the gear to park before taking a moment to himself. He wasn't happy when his father left him a voicemail, scolding him for the rumors going around about him dating his student. He was quick to call him names and demand him to make things right before his name could be tainted in the industry. San isn't gonna lie, he's always looked up to his father. Things changed when San started making a name for himself in the academic industry, creating some kind of competitive tension between the two. Well, San never felt that way. His dad strongly did though, for whatever reason.

He never understood it. It's whatever.

What San wasn't having was the fact that his father kept calling you a little girl who only wanted to use him to work her way in and up.

He slams the door to his car, adjusting his hat and his jacket before tapping the code into the keypad on the front door.

"San, is that you?" He hears his mom's sweet voice call out to him. He smiles softly when she comes into view in the hallway, opening her arms for a hug. "Please don't mind your father, you know how he is. He's just concerned." She gives the back of his neck a reassuring massage.

"Mm, yeah. I can feel the concern especially when he starts calling me out my name."

"San." His mom gives him a look before his dad looks up from the paper he's reading on the couch, forehead crinkling when he sees his son walk in.

"Why are you here?"

"Hi to you, too." San says while his mom steps in the middle.

"Honey." She turns to his father.

"So, what was up with that voicemail?" 

"Why don't you tell us what's been going on with you and your so-called girlfriend? Do you even care about yourself or what this could do to your career? You're so careless—"

"So what if I'm careless! You don't even know her so you don't have a right to do that!"

"Are you actually that stupid, San? Do you know how damaging this could be for you, for us?"

"What does this have to do with you?!" San's voice raises. 

"It has everything to do with us! Everyone thinks you either forced that girl into a relationship or she threw herself on you and you stupidly took the bait!"

"Even if I said it wasn't like that, you wouldn't listen anyway!"

"Are you serious about her?"

"What makes you think I'm not? We're two grown adults who are capable of making our own decisions and knew the consequences from the very beginning."

"And you think she'll stay? Someone that young and who is just getting started with her life, basically. You think she'll stay and be there for you when times get rough?"

"Absolutely." His dad scoffs.

"Is that so? Wishful thinking. You couldn't even keep Iseul and now you're downgrading to a st—"

"Hey!" San's mom cuts off his father's statement. "That is enough from you. Don't finish that sentence."

"You have no idea what Iseul put me through!" San's tone is louder to match his father's energy. "I found somebody who genuinely and truly cares about me and who I am. That isn't enough for you? Just because she's a student, but a grown adult at that?! You can't even be happy for a second? You still find a way to be on Iseul's side even though she cheated with my bestfriend!"

"Maybe it's time you realized you pushed Iseul away. That was your own doing. And this girl? Don't come to me and make me tell you 'I told you so' when she leaves after she's gotten everything she needs from you." San's dad is fuming in front of him. "How could you be so sure things will be smooth sailing with her, hm? What makes you think this can work?"

"This is fucking bullshit, I'm not explaining myself to you. If you don't wanna be happy for me and support me, then so be it."

—END

San thinks maybe his dad was right; maybe this wasn't meant to be, and was just supposed to be another fleeting moment, another lesson.

Even though deep down, he knows it's far from it.

As he sits in his home office, he scrolls through old pictures of you and him together— you, pictures you've sent him. He feels the rush of sadness hit him like bricks, his chest almost physically hurting from the ache. He has this sudden urge to text you and call you, tell you how much he misses you.

But, he stops himself.

What if you stopped caring? What if you were so mad at him that you hated him?

He couldn't bear with it.

If only he knew how much you cried and yearned for him every night, if only he knew how much your head hurt while you laid on your mom's lap while she ran her hands through your hair— gently cooing you and shushing you to help you get some sleep.

If only he knew.

"Mom, I'm sorry." You cry and cry, laying your head on her lap as you let everything out. "You were right, I messed everything up. This was all so stupid. I'm so stupid."

"Don't say that." She shushes you and tries to coo you. "Don't ever say that again." She looks at you. "What happened?" You gather the strength to tell her everything that's been going on. How deep your relationship went with San and how well he took care of you. How you weren't always the most careful but the only reason why things blew up was because of Hae-jin, Iseul and Yunho. How Iseul and Yunho just keep trying to get in between, how Jiung even went to Professor Kim about all of this.

How San broke this off claiming he wanted to protect you and put you first.

How utterly sad and betrayed you feel.

"I'm just so tired of feeling this way. I hate how alone I feel. I hate how much I miss him. I hate how this unfolded the way it did."

"I'm so sorry, honey. You need to let things be for now, okay? I know that's not what you wanna hear, but you need to. Especially for school and yourself."

"Why does anyone care? Why does it matter?"

"People have nothing better to do, and I'm sorry it had to be those two and Jiung."

"I'm so tired, mom. When will this pass? What did I do wrong? Why did he leave so quickly?"

"Lovey. You did nothing wrong. It wasn't you at all, and it wasn't San either. The circumstances are just tough. You didn't know it would play out this way and I'm sure he has his reasons."

"What if he's just using that as an excuse? What if he really doesn't want this anymore?"

"If he really cared about you, why would he lie, Y/N? I'm sure he was doing his best to protect you both, especially you. I know it hurts right now, hun. But, maybe this is for the best." You don't wanna hear it even though your mom might be right.

Maybe this is for the best. Maybe this was just telling you this could never work between you two.

No matter how hard you both tried.

San's urge to text or call doesn't lessen as the next few days go by, especially when he notices he hasn't seen any trace of you. He'll usually see you walking towards the biology building for Yunho's class or making your way to the dining hall with the girls.

If San hadn't overheard Sunwoo telling his lab mates that you were sick, he would've gone crazy.

It still doesn't help that you're feeling unwell and he can't do anything about it.

"Sunwoo." San pokes his head out of his door, causing Sunwoo to lift his head from his laptop and shift his attention towards him. "Can you meet really quickly?"

"Yeah, sure thing. Be right over!"

"Thanks." San heads back to his desk and lets out a breath, waiting for Sunwoo to come. It takes him less than 5 minutes to finally make his way into the office, rubbing his hands down his jeans. "Hey." San looks up at him. "Thanks for coming in on short notice."

"No prob! What's up, Professor Choi?"

"I wanted to talk to you really quickly because I wanted you to hear it from me directly. Starting next week, we'll be losing Y/N's support. She'll be heading to Professor Kim's lab."

"O-oh. Okay. Damn." Sunwoo ticks his head to the side. "Professor Kim with the steal." San chuckles a bit.

"Yeah." San can't even hide his sadness when he looks down at the papers beneath his hands that Sunwoo catches on and he feels bad. He still doesn't know the details and he never will, but if it's one thing he can gather right now, it's the fact that the room feels cold and empty.

It's the fact that San literally has to force himself to smile and deliver this news like all is okay and no big deal— when in fact, it fucking is.

Sunwoo feels so bad.

"So, I know she's out sick right now, but will I still get to see her before she goes? I wanna talk to her to wrap things up, too."

"When she returns, we'll make sure she has time to close loose ends with you and gather her things."

"Hm." Sunwoo nods slowly. "Okay."

"I'm sorry this came up so suddenly, but I had to make a few changes around here. We all thought she'd be a better fit with Professor Kim." 

"I see. She's super smart and incredibly great at what she does, I know she'll do well in whatever she does and wherever she goes." San nods.

"Yeah, she will." He sighs. "There's another rotation student that I might bring in next quarter that might be a good fit to work with you, too. His name is Baehyuk."

"Cool. Down to meet whenever the time is right."

"Thanks, Sunwoo."

"No, thank you for always giving me some help and pushing me forward." San gives him a small smile. "Everything will work out."

"Yeah." Is all he could say in response. Because he hopes it will. 

Right now, it seems like a far reach.

All San wants to do is love you, rather than hiding just how deeply in love he was with you.

—FLASHBACK

"Here, baby." He turns to hand you a plate with a smile on his face. "Think you can help me dry the last of these dishes and put 'em up?"

"Course, chef." He chuckles, watching as you tip-toe with nothing but his shirt on to reach over and place the dry dishes into the proper cabinet. You follow suit with the last three dishes, setting the towel aside while San wipes away the water droplets around the sink. "We did it, babe! All clean."

"Sure did." He laughs, caging you in against the counter to kiss you sweetly. "Thank you, baby."

"You're welcome." You giggle. "Thank you for making dinner."

"As long as you enjoyed." You nod.

"What do you wanna do for the rest of the evening?"

"Mm, we can watch a movie and fall asleep here on the couch without any worry."

"That's fun." You smile.

"Or, we can do other things that I have in mind." He brushes the hair away from your face while you wrap your arms around his neck.

"Ooh." You reply in a sing-song tone. "Care to indulge?"

"Absolutely." He says just as he swiftly carries you and wraps your legs around him. You squeal as he walks over to the couch and gently plops you down onto the soft cushions, wasting no time to attach his lips to every inch of skin he can. He slowly hovers over you, hands roaming up your shirt and tugging material along with it as he continues to move upward— exposing your cute pink panties from beneath. He sinks to his knees and pries your legs open after fixing your position to the edge of the couch. "Let me make you feel good, love."

"Yes please, Sannie. Please." You beg, watching as San slides down your panties and tosses them aside. His hands caress your thighs, giving them a good squeeze while laying open-mouth kisses along the surface. You continue to watch him, biting on your lip when he hovers over where you need him at most. He licks a stripe up your folds, causing your head to cock back against the cushion. He begins to gently kiss and suck at your heat— a satisfying, breathy moan leaving your lips as you let San relish being in between your thighs. He laps away at your clit, tonguing down your pussy as if he had been deprived of you for years.

You love/hate how good he is at this. "Babe—" You moan loudly, hips now working on their own terms against his mouth. He subtly nods as he continues to suck and lap away at your heat, tongue keeping you wet and filthy; just the way he likes it. "God, right there—" You whine, hips rolling upward and grinding against his mouth, his tongue. 

You used to be so shy.

Now, you're not afraid to tell him what you want and he fucking loves it. "Oh—San— gonna—" Your statement comes out broken as you continue to work against his mouth, orgasm crashing down like a harsh wave against the shore. You grip his hair, body twitching as San continues to latch on and groan against your pussy; incredibly hard while watching the way your body surrenders all. "Fuck." You whisper, still twitching due to the aftershocks from your first orgasm of the night. 

"That's my girl." He's back to kissing your thighs, hands gently rubbing up and down your leg as a way to soothe you. 

"Need you." You tug him by the shirt to plant a messy kiss against his lips— shirt soon to be discarded on the floor, along with his sweats.

Now you're on his lap, slowly riding his cock just the way he likes it— the couch's throw blanket resting against the small of your back and draped along San's lap.

It's his favorite position after all.

"Mm— just like that, baby." He whispers against your lips as you continue to ride him slowly on the couch. "Just like that." He repeats. "You're my good girl, right? Just mine?" He asks lowly and you nod, letting out a sweet moan as he pinches your nipple and watches your head tilt back in pleasure. "Oh, fuck— just like that." His head rests back against the couch, feeling your walls brush against him and drag against his rock hard cock. "All mine."

"Mm'fuck, Sannie." You keep your head back, intense pleasure bubbling at the pit of your stomach. You take him slowly, deeply; his cock hitting all the right spots every time you do a 'lil tug and pull— hips carefully rolling against him. 

"So fucking sexy." He groans. "God, you're everything." His lips drag against your skin, tongue swirling around your perky nipples as your hands tug on the ends of his soft, black hair. "Everything to me." He whispers as if your skin could hold all of the universe's secrets. The blanket is barely keeping up with your movements. San's hand comes up along the base of your neck, bringing you back down to envelope your lips with his. 

The kiss is full of hunger.

The kiss is slow and steady.

The kiss is messy.

You break the kiss first, body slowly crumbling in his grip when you feel your high approaching quick. You moan loudly, breath ragged as you pant; hips slightly picking up the pace to push yourself further and further until you reach the edge.

"Oh—" San matches your moans. "That's it, sweetheart. Cum for me." He praises you, voice deep— tone sending vibrations all the way down to your core. "Give it to me. Wanna feel you cum all over this dick, angel." Hearing San talk the way he's talking is enough to make your coil snap. He continues to coo you as you come undone on his lap; stuttering in your movements and trembling in his grip. He places his hands on your hips, fingers digging deep into the flesh while he fucks up into you— reaching his high shortly after you with a loud groan and hiss. "Fuck, that was so good, baby." You giggle, forehead against his while his hands gently caress and your back. You leave a tender kiss against his plump lips, and he chases with a few repeated kisses before bringing you down with him on the couch. The both of you lay underneath the throw blanket, now properly covering most of your bodies while San holds you from behind. He has his propped up by an arm while you both watch the show on TV, but San finds his thoughts wandering elsewhere at some point. He begins to look around the house and notices how different it feels since you've been around.

Good different.

A space that used to he so grey, so lifeless; now has remnants of you everywhere.

Your polaroids.

Pictures of you and San in frames.

Your little stuffed animal keychains and rings thrown onto the kitchen island, or the room. Or even his desk in the office.

Your little post-it notes. Your favorite chips and snacks littered around the pantry.

You were there everywhere he turned, and he finds it's one of his biggest blessings.

Especially when you lay here on the couch with him, completely not minding the idea San proposed of just falling asleep on the couch together while sorting through movies.

You agreed so quickly and so happily.

No matter how big or small, most ideas just seemed silly in his last relationship.

But, now he has you— someone who is happy to just be with him and spend time with him. No matter how big or small the idea, the plans.

San loves you.

And he'll never take it for granted.

—END

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[d3wdropz]

Gojo Annoying Megumi and his S/O

Imagine being Megumi's partner- it's sweet and he's a gentle boyfriend. He's quiet and isn't the best at expressing his feelings so small gestures and quality time are his main forms of love language

You spend a lot of time in his dorm or yours usually his cause yours is messy. It's such a relaxing time, getting the chance to just chill and bond together. You read books, play board games, nap, anything really- everything becomes fun when you both do it together. This is especially true for Megumi who gets to indulge his inner child

Since Megumi didn't really get a childhood you both like to do activities that gives him the chance to catch up on some of the things he missed out on

His favorite thing to do in that regard is building legos- yes he's made you a bouquet for Valentine's Day

So on a random Sunday morning, you're both in your usual spot: Megumi's room. Specifically, on his floor as you paint his nails black. It's something you've both been meaning to try and today seemed like the perfect chance

Everything is nice and calm- you're focused on finishing his left hand and he's admiring how hard you're concentrating. It's quiet, perfect even

Until someone slams the door open

"Megumiiiiiiiiii- I got you souvenirs from London!" Unsurprisingly, it's Gojo standing in the doorway

You're left shocked, still holding Megumi's hand gently and taking a glance at the now ruined nail job

Megumi, on the other hand, is silently fuming at the sorcerer who just barged into his special time

Gojo's just as shocked as you, having heard nothing about Megumi being in a relationship. If it wasn't for the sudden discovery, he'd have the time to be bummed that his little 'Gumi didn't tell him anything- but at that moment he was just absorbing it in

You're all kind of stuck for a moment until Megumi sighs and speaks up "Gojo-sensei, can you leave?"

This, sadly, breaks Gojo from his thoughts and has him gushing over the two of you

"Oh my little Megumi is all grown up! When were you gonna tell me that you've got an s/o? You've been staying PG-13, right?"

It's so much at once that you don't even have the time to think about an answer before Megumi is slamming his door shut in Gojo's face. By the look on his face, he'd prefer you pretend that nothing happened

He'll have to deal with Gojo later and that's already a lot to handle, so you go back to fixing up his nails

After that first incident with Gojo, you and Megumi rarely have a moment of peace

You're eating out somewhere -guess who's tagging along and taking up the seat next to Megumi?

You're both training- Gojo takes time out his very busy schedule to yap about how annoying the higher ups are

The relationship you had with Megumi is no longer a private matter, Gojo's constantly hanging around and inviting himself to your outings

Things only ease up when Megumi reaches a breaking point and goes off on his annoying guardian well in his own megumi way

"This is the reason I didn't tell you about us- since you found out we haven't had even a minute alone. We're not immature or reckless, so if that's what you're worried about you can drop it"

You're standing there, sweating bullets and caught in between their weird father-son/brother-brother/uncle-nephew(?) bond. In your eyes, it's a stand-off for the ages, a teen wanting freedom and their guardian that still wants to baby them

To your surprise, Gojo starts sniffling before he cries out Megumi's name and jumps him. He's squeezing Megumi to his chest and nuzzling his hair, crying dramatically

"Ooooooh! My little 'Gumi's all grown up!" He lets out a loud whine and continues to sob, "It felt like just yesterday you were my little baby!"

When Megumi finally breaks away from Gojo, he's huffing and glaring- but the strongest sorcerer is still rambling "I'm sorry that I made you feel like a baby- you're a grown man now" he sighs dramatically "I'll start treating you like one"

Before Megumi could throw insults at him, Gojo's phone pings and he's gone in an instant, a faint "Great talk- gotta go!" is all that's left

The both of you are now left in silence, just as confused and alarmed as when Gojo first found out about you two

Only difference is the lack of his constant presence looming over your heads now

a/n so hi

I know i've been gone for like ever, but the fanfic writer's curse is real and its found me- i ended up getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder, i got accepted into the biggest university of my state, and i'm moving out at the end of the summer

life's been pummeling me but i'm trying to get back on track with my writing- thank you to everyone who've been patient with me!

[mychaosflowers]

Jason Todd

Warning: Smut (and this is my first work that I have shared)

You reach behind your back, undoing your bra and letting it fall to the floor. Your breasts spill out, bouncing slightly with the motion. You cup them in your hands, thumbs brushing over your hardened nipples. "Like what you see baby?" You ask coyly, looking back at him over your shoulder.

Jason groans, his cock twitching at the sight. He sits up, grabbing your hips and pulling you against his chest. His hands roam your curves possessively. "Fuck doll, you are so gorgeous like this." He growls, leaning down to capture one of your nipples between his teeth, biting down just hard enough to make you gasp. His other hand slides down your stomach, cupping your mound through your panties. "So wet already, dirty girl. You want my cock that badly huh?"

You whimper needily, rocking your hips against his hand. The damp fabric rubs deliciously against your sensitive folds. "Yes Jason, please! I need it so bad!" You plead desperately, fumbling with his belt buckle. Once he frees his thick shaft, you hook your leg around him, opening yourself up fully. "Fuck me Jason!"

His eyes light up as he sees your eagerness, grasping your hips tighter to bring you closer. With a swift thrust, he pushes into your drenched entrance. You moan loudly as he starts to move, driving himself deeper inside. His hot skin slick with sweat as he pummels in and out of you, the sound of wet flesh meeting echoing around the room.

Your walls start to ripple around him, squeezing tighter with each thrust, almost making him come. But he holds off, wanting to savor the moment. He can't get enough of you, and the thought of those marks on your body is all he can think about now. So he stops for a second, taking a few deep breaths before resuming, but not quite as vigorously this time.

He leans forward, biting gently into the muscle above your breast, sending pleasure coursing through you. When he pulls back he looks at you, watching you closely. "We're far from being done." he says, smiling wickedly. "I'm going to enjoy every moment of this."

His hand reaches down, spreading your lips open wide, exposing the glistening wet entrance to his cock.

"Please Jason..." You whimper needily, spreading your legs wider in invitation. Your hole twitches hungrily around his thick girth as it tries to draw him in deeper.

Jason chuckles darkly, giving you one last sharp thrust before pulling nearly all the way out. His eyes rake over your exposed sex hungrily. "Patience, sweet thing. You'll get what you need." He purrs, trailing the tip of his hard shaft up and down your slit teasingly. You shudder and let out a desperate keen, trying to grind yourself onto him.

"Come on baby, give me that pretty pussy." Jason urges in a gravelly tone, pushing past your rim and notching himself at your entrance once more. With one powerful snap of his hips, he drives balls deep into your tight channel, stretching you deliciously around his massive cock. A guttural moan escapes him at the exquisite sensation.

You cry out sharply, fingers scrabbling at his shoulders as you adjust to his impressive size. The burn of the initial stretch is quickly drowned out by waves of pleasure radiating from where them are so intimately joined. "F-fuck! So big." You manage to gasp out between panting breaths, clenching rhythmically around him.

"Yes, just like that! Take all of that huge dick, doll!" He encourage. You wrapping your legs tighter around his waist and using the heels of your foots to dig into his lower back. Your nails scrape lightly against his skin, providing delicious stimulation for both of you. You feel Jason start to move again, sawing his thick length in and out of your clinging heat, fucking you with long strokes that have you seeing stars. Each time he bottoms out inside you, your cervix kisses the head of his cock and you can't help but let out a silent scream. Fuck, it feels amazing! He's hitting depths you didn't even know existed!

You tilt your head to look up at him through half-lidded eyes, biting your bottom lip coyly as you feel yourself being split open on his massive member over and over again. "Mmmh you fill me up so good, Jay! Like you were made just for me." you purr, relishing in how perfectly you fit together. His heavy sack slaps obscenely against your sensitive clit with each thrust, making you see stars.

Jason groans deeply into your neck, giving an extra firm squeeze before starting to piston faster, chasing his release.

Jason's thrusts become more erratic, his hips snapping wildly against yours. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, muffling his animalistic grunts. You can feel his cock throbbing inside you, the telltale sign he's close. Your own orgasm builds rapidly, your walls fluttering and squeezing down on him desperately.

"Cum for me doll." Jason growls urgently, slamming into you one last time. You shatter, screaming your ecstasy as wave after wave crashes over you. Your pussy spasms almost violently around him, milking his cock for all its worth. With a guttural groan, Jason follows you over the edge. His hot seed floods your insides, painting your walls white with his essence.

He collapses on top of you, both of you panting heavily as you come down from your highs. The feeling of his softening cock still buried deep inside you makes you tremble slightly. You can feel his cum slowly leaking out around him, trickling down between your ass cheeks.

Sorry for the mistakes, English is not my native language.

[ofcourseiwillmydarling]

❗I accidentally deleted the draft where I answered to the ask so I'm reposting it like this. Anyway, TYSM anon ! Means a lot to me ! I always feel like what I'm writing makes absolute no sense LOL. I hope you enjoy! 🫡🩵

a/n: Tomorrow I go back to class but we're up to a slow start, so I'll try to post as much as I can during these months ! If you guys have any other requests - about any soa character (both male and female) - dont be shy to send them, I have so much fun doing these & I looove hearing your thoughts ! ♡

! REQUESTS ARE OPEN

TW: mean !Jax & rough sex.

"Aw fuck - darlin' - what'd he do?" Your eyes are puffy and red - lashes clumping together from your tears - lips swollen from biting them. Jax makes a soft mouth sound as he sweeps his thumb over your cheekbone, rubbing slow, soft circles meant to soothe you.

"Clay," you sob. "He said I was jus' a cheap lay to you," your voice cracks and more tears fall across your pathetic, broken expression. "Jesus Christ," He hisses between clenched teeth. He's seething. "Where is he?"

You shake your head, digging your fingers into the lapels of his vest. "He left," you murmur. "Jus' leave it alone." The words hitched in your throat - blathering something incoherent.

"Baby," he urges. He can hear your heart beginning to thump - pounding too hard and too fast against your chest. "You're with me. You're okay." He rubs his cheek firmly against your own - skin sheathed in cool sweat - his nose probing your hairline.

It ends like it always does. He threads his fingers through your hair - tugging the strands gently - before he crashes his mouth against yours. "I love you."

**

He wraps his fingers around the bends of your knees - forcing them apart. He is hard between your legs; tip leaking and heavy as it presses against your belly. Fisting his cock, he sinks into you in one brutal stroke. He's meaner today. He had hurt you with his words, even when he'd slam the thick of him inside your cunt till you'd bruise, but it never mattered. You were too in love for it to ever matter. This was for him. Not you.

You don't know the specifics about his 'jobs' - he couldn't tell you - but you do know the state that he comes home in. You let him use you as he needs.

"Jackie," You mewl - brow wrinkling in discomfort - as you reach for him. You're full of him. You wonder if you could feel him if you placed your hand on your belly. You cradle the hinge of his jaw and you're blathering against the slope of his cheekbone. You hiccup and sniff - you couldn't help it - he's stretching you apart and it aches something fierce. "Quit whinin'." he bits out as he hits balls deep - cock hitting something deep and sensitive inside of you.

You meet each thrust - even though your cunt is raw - lifting your hips to take his cock again and again. "Don't stop - fuck - m'close." He rolls his hips into you - grinding his pelvic bone against against the peak of your sex - knocking a sharp cry from your kiss-swollen lips. Rough and sharp. It's aggressive and a little ugly - still, you kiss him like you're dying.

He tightens his grip on your waist as you writhe against his hold. He ducks his head - rubbing his cheek firmly against yours - as he presses deeper. He can feel you tighten up - muscles clamping down his length - and fucks you through it. "That's it," he exhales against your teeth - you feel his cock pulse inside you - hips stuttering against your own. "Fuck - I love you."

Still — he leaves. But oh - it feels just like love.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

I've Got You Under My Skin 4

Warnings: non/dubcon, marital troubles, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Characters: Steve Rogers

Summary: your husband is a very demanding man.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

You mix the batter with the wooden spoon. Your feet are cold on the tile as you stand with your thighs apart. They're tender and each time they touch, you tremble.

Last night was tense. You didn't get much sleep, even after Steve was done. That's not how you pictured his first night back. You never imagined him like that.

You plug in the waffle maker and wait for it to heat. As it does, you slice up strawberries and rinse the blueberries. Steve yawns, frightening you as he marches into the kitchen.

"Mmm, late night," he says and sways your ass. He pauses and pinches the fabric of your sweat pants. "Hmm. You look cozy."

"Didn't want to get messy in good clothes," you explain.

"Uh huh," he turns and leans on the counter. He crosses his arms as he looks down on you. "Waffles? You didn't get enough sugar last night?"

"I'm using the protein mix. I thought that was good?"

He hums again, "the fruit."

"Natural sugars, right?"

He clucks and pushes off the counter. "Sweetie, did you watch those videos I sent you?"

"Yes, of course," you recall the homesteading videos with the immaculate kitchen and the even more immaculate woman in her perfect apron and coif. "I... I'm trying."

"I know. I'm not saying you aren't but... last night. You didn't tell me the girls were coming, then you openly defied me in front of them," he accuses.

"I didn't-- I told you I forgot and Nat just put the candy in your mouth--"

"I don't know," he shows his palms. You shift and hiss as your thighs meet. "If... last night takes, I'm not sure you're ready to be the mother of my children."

Your eyes round. "Mother? Steve, well, I thought we were waiting a bit."

"Are we?" His brows arch. "I thought you got off the pill."

You roll your tongue around guiltily and look at the floor. You said you'd talk to your doctor next year. Or maybe you misunderstood. Again.

"I thought... I was going to--"

He closes his eyes and presses his fingers against his nose. He sighs.

"You don't listen," he snarls. "How much clearer can I be with you?"

"I'm sorry, Steve. I...I didnt. I guess... I'm nervous. A lot is going on. I dropped out for the wedding and then we got the house and I spent all that time decorating--"

"Sounds so hard," he sneers. You wince as if he hit you.

He asked you to quit school. He said it would be better for both of you. He said he wanted to take care of you. Sometimes he just makes you feel like a burden.

"I'll talk to the doctor--"

"No, you're going to call the pharmacy and cancel the prescription. Then you're going to dump what you have in the toilet," he commands. "And we're going to try at this. You're going to try." He points at you harshly. You gulp.

"Yes, Captain," you shrink into yourself. "I'm sorry."

You bat your lashes and dab away the speckling of tears.

"And you're not having waffles for breakfast. Cook them and bring them to the neighbours. The kids will like them." He puts his hands on his hips.

"Yes, sir."

You turn and hide the trickle on your cheek. He sighs again. "And stop crying. You're just making me hard."

💍

You do everything Steve asked. Olivia next door is happy for the free meal and tells you to say hello to your husband for her. You keep your smile on until you get back.

Steve waits in silence at the table. After tossing all your birth control, you start on breakfast. Egg whites, spinach, and feta. With rye toast. You serve him bacon but have cottage cheese for yourself.

You eat nervously as he watches you. The bad days come but they go just as quickly. Everyone said the first year is hard.

"You want to have my children, don't you?" He asks.

You blink, "yes, Steve. Of course."

"Because if you're not up to this, we can talk to a lawyer."

You flinch, "Steve, don't say that."

"We had a deal."

"I didn't--"

"No, no, because I wouldn't have fucked you if I knew you were lying to me. My own wife."

You frown, "I didn't lie--"

"We got a month at least until we can try now." He growls. "Stupid me. I was away all that time hoping you'd have a surprise for me too."

"Stevie," you whimper.

"If you want to touch me, you can use your mouth until you're ready," he gets up, his plate empty. "It's a waste in that cunt."

You press yourself to the chair, shocked by his language. Your lip quivers and you snivel.

He stops at the door and looks at you. Your tears roll out again. You made a mistake. He thinks you did it to him. 

"I would never lie--"

"If you're going to cry like a baby," he stomps towards you, "I'll give you a good reason for it."

He grabs the chair and turns it.

You whine as he steps in front of you. He pulls himself above his pants, stroking his already hard dick. He grabs the back of your head.

Your closed lips meet his tip and you unclench your jaw. You let him in. You'll let him do anything. You just want him to forgive you.

He rams down to your throat, "doesn't feel good to lie, does it?"

You gurgle and try to shake your head. You cling to the front of his shirt. He thrusts and you kick your feet. 

"Only sluts are on pills. Did I marry a slut?" He slams as deep as he can.

You snivel and tug on his shirt. He continues to batter your throat. Your tears soak your cheeks and mingle with the saliva dripping from your mouth. 

"The Captain doesn't fuck sluts," he growls and grunts as the wet noises of his intrusion fill your skull. "The Captain's going to fuck a baby into you and you're going to thank him. And then he's going to do it again and again."

[lactoseintolerentswag]

Rise Characterizations Pt. 2!!

In the first part I went over my character writing notes for Raph, so we're doing Leo next!!!

Leo Character Notes

Language Habits:

First the obvious, makes a lot of puns and one-liners. Think corny super hero movies

Does poke at New Jersey often in said one-liners

Mumbles/talks to himself out loud often

Starts a Lot of his sentences with, "Okay--"

Often will add on, "haha, you're hilarious", when he's trying to tease or antagonize someone

Similarly to Raph he will also verbalize his attacks/actions, "kick and punch"/"punch and kick", "land safely"/"and he sticks the landing"

Also will verbalize when he's trying to make a portal, "come on portal", "it's portal time", "portal power jitsu"

We all know "hachi machi"

Tendency to also make noises when fighting, "yah"/"wah!"/"hah!"

That little ohohoho laugh can signify as his battle cry/excitement, or his nervousness depending on context

Same case as the above with "hoh boy"

Will stutter on words to emphasize them, "l-l-l-l-lame!"

The first to jump onto an "I told you so" or "I was right"

Mixes Spanish into his sentences, most notably "bueno", "vamanos", "hermano(s)"

Messes up science terminology, "reprogramulating"

Says "indubitably" when he's up to something (which Raph recognizes)

Out of all the brothers, he does poke fun the most

Refers to himself as "Leon"

Refers to others (mostly strangers/acquaintances) as "bub"/"bud", or "chief"

Personality:

Dramatic, Leo will always play things up 110%. Sometimes this is to cover up his insecurities, to cheer up his brothers, or to annoy said brothers. Also plays into his extreme responses to stressful situations

The fun brother, aka mikey's advocate. He takes his role seriously as the face man, who keeps things fun and cool for his brothers. It's an easy role, and he gets to make his family laugh or roll their eyes. He's. Sillay

Perceptive, this is why he knows exactly what buttons to push, but he's not a great communicator when it comes to the bigger picture. This also plays into his manipulativeness that he uses to put chaos into his family (i.e. lair games), puppet villains (i.e. Big Mama) into his motives, and change the battlefield

A closet nerd, implied to remember more jupiter jim lore than the rest of his brothers and has a ready to go impression of the reptiles of planet reptilica

Competitive to a fault, he tends to get lost in the competition when it comes to his brothers. Part of his dramatism is showing off, and he's weak to being called or associated with the term "champion". Competition is a way he gauges his self worth

Has a strong desire for the inherent admiration and trust of his peers, more than outright praise (both are wanted) unlike Donnie. This damages his communication skills because he just expects his brothers to trust him while he puts on a persona of nonchalance as protection from failure

Defensive, of himself through being snippy or sarcastic, but also defensive of his brothers' own well-being. He may be the one to poke the most fun, but he's also the one to jump to his siblings' defense out of any of the brothers. Sort of an "only I can do so and so to blank" mindset

Martyr complex, prioritizes the safety of his family over his own safety

Gets attached to people he considers family Quickly, those he doesn't consider a part of his family he has little sympathy for but once that connection is there he's already ready to use his body as a shield

Freeze response, tends to freeze up in response to danger or stress. Often shown to curl into a ball or stand silently (as opposed to his constant chatter)

Miscellaneous:

The third to unlock his mystic powers

Nicknames: "baby blue" by splinter, "nardo" by donnie

Sweats an ungodly amount

Uses spit to annoy his brothers/enemies (licking an item to claim it as his, wet willies)

Can beat box

Always chooses left in mazes or when lost

Next up will be Donnie :>

[runninriot]

hold on together

for @stervrucht, inspired by this beautiful art piece | rated T | wc: 625 | tags: dealing with post UD trauma, nightmares, emotional hurt/comfort | also on ao3

   "We're alive."

The words hit Eddie like a punch to the gut. He feels like someone’s dropped him into ice cold water, startled awake by the impact. Slowly, the world around him comes into focus.

   "We're alive and we're safe and whatever you saw in your dream isn't real, okay?"

Strong arms wrap around him, giving Eddie something to hold on to, keeping his trembling body steady.

   "You're okay, Eddie. We are okay."

A sob forces its way out of his throat but doesn't have the chance to get very far. Not with Eddie's face pressed against Steve's shoulder - held tight against warm skin. Skin that is damaged, covered in scars that will always remind them that the horrors are real.

Were real.

   "It's over. They can't hurt us anymore. You're safe, I promise."

Steve's voice is a soothing vibration against the shell of his ear, the hand at the back of his head encouraging him to bury his face where he always feels safest, hiding in the space between Steve's shoulder and neck.

   "I'm here, Eddie."

He always is. Always is there to get Eddie through the nights when the monsters seem too real and he can't escape, can't run from his own mind when it's playing those images over and over again. When he can feel the teeth sinking into his flesh and smell the blood. When he feels so cold, so alone, so scared. When he wakes up screaming and drenched in sweat, unable to breathe.

Steve holds him through all of it, never complains about losing sleep, never makes fun of Eddie for crying.

   "I'm sorry, Steve," he says weakly, the words offering no real solace for how fucked up he feels. "I'm so, so sorry for being such a mess."

   "Shh, don't worry. I got you, Eddie."

Steve always does. Is the only one who gets to see Eddie like this. The only one who can catch Eddie when he's falling.

   "It's all gonna be okay. Do you hear me? I love you, baby."

Loves him despite how broken Eddie is. Loves him with all his flaws, loves him with all the burdens of a tattered mind, the trauma, and barely healed wounds. Loves him and keeps him close. Lets him fall apart in his arms before he helps him pick up the pieces time and again.

   "I don't deserve you," Eddie snivels before he dares to look up, teary eyes searching for Steve's hazel ones, "You shouldn't have to put up with me."

Steve takes him in for a few seconds, eyes flitting between Eddie's, seemingly searching for the right words to say. And then his lips curl into a lopsided smile.

   "You're not getting rid of me that easy. Sorry to break it to you but you're stuck with me forever. We're trauma bonded for life, baby."

Eddie laughs, all wet and choked up - he must look disgusting with his puffy eyes and red, blotchy face but Steve kisses him anyway. Kisses him, and holds him, and it's like a dream. A beautiful dream that slowly replaces every last memory of the nightmare he had.

   "Feeling better?" Steve asks when their lips part and Eddie nods, wordlessly follows Steve back underneath the covers where he crawls into waiting arms, quickly drifting, falling back asleep.

Maybe tomorrow, he will be the one offering comfort. Right now, though, Eddie can rest safely in his boyfriend's arms.

Hopefully one day, the recurring nightmares will finally end for both of them. Until then, no matter how hard it gets, they have each other as their anchor. Protected by love as their armour. Two hearts beating for one another, their rhythmic melody a reminder that they made it.

They are alive.

[inkskinned]

we heard that you were very disappointed in us both as a generation and specifically as a generation of women (emphasis yours), how we had let ourselves go and now we were slutty and ill-tempered and holding onto notions of feminism like "having a savings account" and "equality."

we were very sorry about it, we didn't realize. it is very hard for you, in your life, because your entire definition was centered around the word providing, and that's a really vague and undulating word. it is hard to be a provider. for your purposes, the word provider here can be defined as "having a job", although it sometimes also extends to "doing yard work", "grilling on occasion," and "knowing basic car anatomy."

we had to do some reading but we divided it out. do not worry. high-value women will fill in the rest of the gaps of your life - all those silly feminine things like doing the dishes. we didn't realize we had asked too much when we asked you to pick up after yourself. we did not realize you were rendered small and scared and crying about the possibility of doing the laundry. here is a joke to lighten the sentiment: a man that listens when you talk to him.

we heard about how we had fallen from glory and it sickened us and made us very, very sad. lindsey had to cut all her hair off and tara threw up. we lit one million candles and we are going to have a vigil about it tonight. all of the people in this world that you do not approve of are going to be there and we will all be in mourning colors because we have lost your respect which is of course the only thing that any of us were looking for.

we searched around our bedrooms and our closets and for some of us it took a while but we all found the pricetag that we were originally born with, the one that gave our listing offer, the one that smells like rot and pine needles. we were horrified because many of us had taken deductions and hadn't realized it. i had scraped my knees and decided to be a lesbian so they had to take my voicebox out so i could never call home again. janice had been with too many people overall so we had to put her into the big squisher that will hopefully collapse her walls so that when you're with her, you'll feel so big and powerful. it will be like you're conquering something instead of being close with someone.

we are all going to the funeral of feminism and we will tear at our bodies and fall over ourselves. we will invite you onstage for a live recording of your podcast about the occasional minor inconvenience of self-reflection. you will talk about how we have targeted you and made you feel the sweat slick down your back, and we will teach you basic self-defense out of solidarity.

do not worry, we are seeing to all the outliers. taylor asked to be taken seriously so we have shipped her off to prison. laura asked you to accept her femininity regardless of her presentation. you will be happy to hear all women are now and forever going to have to be small and thin and pretty and white and ablebodied and quiet and unassuming and ladylike, which is different than how society has previously told us to act.

i am going to have to shave off my jawline, which is a little masculine, and they are going to have to reshape my hands, which are very square and thick - all the work i've done with them has made their veins stand out, so we're just going to have to exsanguinate me. i am horrified to have been out in public like this.

we are going to sit around the campfire and we will talk about being weird little girls that made potions in pink teacups. we will talk about the first time we made a difference. we will talk about the private lives of crickets, and then, at the stroke of three in the morning (the witching hour, obviously) - we will all promptly shut up.

and this will be your beautiful world. this silence that spans every corner of every street and every zoom meeting and every alley. i do not think you'll notice at first - it will be the same as every television show and movie and book. we will all just simply sit there in our doll dresses and smile blithely at your advances and none of us will do you the dishonor of answering and none of us will appear to be in distress and none of us will nag you or make a fuss or get hysterical about it. it will just be quiet, and you will say finally, some peace for once! and we will smell of smoke and our teeth will be white and the next day will come.

tonight we are going to bury the last little bits of our humanity. you are not invited. it is going to be ugly.