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writtenbyan-aries · 1 year ago

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Summary: a request by @morchilluv - "we definitely need a slow burn story of Sam and the reader with some sexual tension and being smutty"

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, kind of a sad slow burn romance, a dash of sexual tension (I feel like I make up for it), flirting, real feelings being masked, not so secret jealously, passive aggressive comments/actions, slightly angsty, biting, scratching, hair pulling, unprotected passionate sex, filth

Word count: 8.6k | NOT edited

I didn't mean for this to be as sad as it actually is, but I like it regardless. Sorry if it's not exactly what the request asks, I tried!

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

YOUNGER YEARS

Your family has always been friends with Sam's family, so naturally, anytime there was a party, you and Sam would always run off to hang out.

You had a massive crush on him, and since you were young, you didn't really know how well to conceal it, so your cheeks were always red and your smile never faded with him.

You had a habit of taking pictures, the sunsets, the clouds, animals. You even have multiple blurry pictures of the moon. You took pictures of literally anything that made you happy, and eventually, you got comfortable enough with taking pictures of Sam any time you wanted to.

He always posed or smiled, but that was always when he knew you were taking a picture. He'd even send you selfies throughout the day on days you weren't hanging out.

You snapped canid pictures of him, too. One of your favorites is him playing the guitar.

You were just kids at the time, not really knowing what love was exactly, but you knew that you didn't want to be without him, even if you were just friends.

That's what it was for a while. You mainly had his attention, even when he did get a girlfriend or talked to a girl. It was puppy, middle school love, so it never really lasted long.

Eventually, Colby started to hang out with you guys, becoming the trio that you are today, but we'll get into that.

Colby would always tease you about liking Sam. He knew before Sam ever did, which honestly to you, took a while for him to understand, or so you thought.

As you became friends for some time, Sam started to flirt back on occasion, mainly when it was just the two of you. When Colby was around, or anyone else for the matter, he wouldn't flirt.

He treated you like he treated Colby, on some levels that is, and it was like that for a while.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

Sam and Colby grew big on Vine, quickly building a platform for themselves on YouTube.

You weren't in any of their videos, mainly because you just thought it was weird and you didn't think you could do it.

They've tried and tried again to get you to join them, and you did for maybe one or two videos, but you just sat back mostly, helping them with certain ideas and skits.

You were the girl who always got accused of being one of their girlfriends because you were always with them.

For a while you all took turns replying to certain tweets, denying it, but eventually, you all came to the realization that with fame, comes persistent fans, so all three of you decided to just let people think what they wanted.

You still wished that the rumors between you and Sam would come true, being a teenage girl, you were always told that a girl shouldn't chase a guy, but before you actually realized it, that's exactly what you were doing.

Once graduation hit, you moved from the place you grew up in, to LA.

Sam and Colby got a nice, lavish apartment, with an extra bedroom for editing and one for you, of course.

You traveled with them. Explored with them.

You really became a big part of the 'XPLR' team and an even bigger part of you fell deeper in love with Sam.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

PRESENT DAY

Sam has been heavy on your mind lately, mainly because you thought it was finally time to tell him how you were really feeling.

For years, you've convinced yourself that he knew and liked you, too. The constant flirting back and forth, finding yourself in moments to where you weren't really sure what was going to happen, but it was full of tension, but in a good way.

Sexual tension.

It was there, always surrounding the two of you at the best such as when you're filming a reaction video and he the way he looks at you is just pure lust, or even when you're at home, watching a movie and a sex scene comes on.

Your mind instantly goes to recreating it Sam, and the way he looks at you makes you think that he has those same thoughts with you.

Then there's the worst times, where you're out with friends, drinking. You take one tipsy look at Sam and you feel like you're done for. The only thing stopping you is completely making a fool out of not really yourself, but Sam.

So as usual, it doesn't go anywhere but shoved to the back of your mind.

You kept falling in love with him all over again, doing whatever it took to keep him in your life, but then everything took a turn and you suddenly felt yourself almost hating him.

Girl after girl, situation after situation, you found yourself wanting to distance yourself, save yourself from a massive heartbreak, but it was a little too late for that.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"Where are you going?" Sam asks, looking up at you as you get up from your chair.

"To get a drink." You laugh, "You want one?"

He nods, looking back down at his phone, "Yeah, can you bring me one of those strawberry smoothie things?" You purse your lips, "I think there's only one left."

He looks up from his phone dropping it into his lap, "Really?" You nod, "Yeah and that's what I was going to get."

After a few seconds of silence, you find yourself racing to the kitchen, trying to beat Sam to the fridge. He grabs your waist, pulling you back and spinning you away from the door, "No, it's mine!"

You turn, pushing him backwards, "No! I wanted it first!" You laugh, "It's mine!"

He wraps his arm around your waist, lifting you up so your feet are just off the floor, "No, no. It's mine." He walks you back to the couch and throws you onto it with a laugh, "Stay!"

He turns, running towards the kitchen but you leap off the couch, catching up to him and jumping onto his back.

His hands grip the back of your thighs, "Big mistake, missy."

You cover his eyes, "Oh yeah? Try finding the fridge now." He laughs, reaching one arm out in front of him, "You act like I don't have this kitchen engraved in my mind."

He walks over to the fridge and you extend an arm out, trying to stop him. He reaches up, you still clung to his back, and pulls your hand from his face, "Just.." he opens the door, "Let me.." he groans as he reaches forward for the bottle, "Have it!"

"No! It's mine!" You can't help but laugh, "Sam!"

He leans back and you slam your hands to his chest as you feel like you're going to fall, "No! Don't do that!"

He laughs and walks back, "Sit."

"No." You tighten your legs and he sighs, "Fine, we can stay here all day. I don't care." He laughs and you tilt your head, leaning over to look at him, "I'll sit.. if you promise to share it with me."

He sighs, "You're asking a lot." He smiles and looks over at you, "fine."

You hold out your pinky, "Promise."

He brings his hand up, locking his pinky with yours, "I promise."

You slide off his back onto the counter, keeping your eyes on him as he walks forward to the fridge and grabs the bottle.

He turns around, pretending like he's going to run away and you move forward, stopping when he stops, "Ha! Gotcha!"

"I hate you." You smile, rolling your eyes as you sit back comfortably, "Now, give me some." You reach out and he walks over, standing between your knees.

You take a quiet breath, looking up at him as he cracks open the drink.

You've always wanted him to fuck you on the counter. Every time you're in the kitchen with him, you have hopes of him just bending you over and-

"Y/n." Sam waves his hand in front of your face and you blink, "Hmm?"

"I said here." He holds the open drink up and you laugh, "Oh, yeah. Sorry." You take it, bringing it up to your lips.

"What are you doing? Daydreaming about me?" He teases with a smirk and you about choke on your drink, "Mm." You cover your mouth with your wrist, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

He shrugs, "That depends."

"On what?" You tilt your head, taking a sip again and he sighs, laying his hands on your knees, "Tell me and I'll tell you."

"Mm, I see." You nod, "Okay. I was daydreaming about you... giving me the rest of this drink."

"I'll give you the rest of something." He mumbles before snatching the half full drink from your hand. He drink a little bit more of it, keeping his eyes on you as he tilts his head back slightly.

"Please do." You smirk and he shakes his head, "You'd like that too much." He hands you the drink back and steps back, "I'm going to go edit."

You let out a quiet sigh, "Okay."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

A Few Hours Later

"What are you guys thinking for dinner?" Colby asks as he walks into the editing room. You sit up from the bed, glancing at Sam, "I honestly have no idea."

"Are we going out to eat or?" Sam leans back, spinning around in the chair to face Colby.

Colby nods, "I mean, how else are we going to celebrate that we got a yes to explore the place everyone else gets a no from."

Sam jumps up from the chair, "What!?" He lays a hand on his head, "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking with me?"

You smile, watching Sam get exited like a kid in a candy store, "I don't think he's joking, Sam."

"Show me." Sam walks over, "Show me, that god dang email." He watches intently as Colby taps on his screen, "Now do you believe me?"

Sam takes a step backwards, "Do you know what this is going to do for us, Colby?" His eyes move to you and your smile grows smaller.

It's always been hot and cold with you and Sam.

One minute you could be inches away from kissing, then the next he's taking some girl to an abandoned zoo to hang out.

You think that it's because he probably doesn't know you like him, but then at the same time, you also think, how the fuck doesn't he know?

"Congratulations guys." You say getting up from the bed, "I'm proud of you both." You go to walk out, but stop when you feel a hand on your shoulder, "and where do you think you're going?"

You laugh slightly, turning around, "To my room?"

"It better be to get dressed because you're coming, too." Sam smiles and you tilt your head, "Really?"

Colby steps in, "Y/n. You have been with us from the start. You've helped us crack some of the cases we weren't even sure we could. You're a vital part of this, so yes. Of course you're coming."

You nod, "Okay. I'll go get ready." You slowly turn and walk to your room, Colby's speech replaying in your head.

You loved both of them, Colby platonically, Sam, not so much.

You'd be his if he asked, in a heartbeat. You've loved that man since you first laid eyes on him in middle school.

But it's never been you.

You sit down at your vanity, cycling through your lip sticks as you decide on what color dress you should wear tonight.

"Hey." Sam's voice is quiet and you turn around, "Can we talk?" You nod, setting down the lipstick tube, "What's up, Sam?"

He walks over, sitting on the end of your bed. He chews on the inside of his cheek, "So, I'm thinking about inviting someone to dinner and I figured that maybe you can help her feel comfortable throughout the night? Talk with her, ya know. Be her friend?"

You're kind of shocked, but you shouldn't be. Yes, Sam shows interests in you, but it's mainly when there's not someone else trying to get his attention.

As much as you don't want to feel like a second choice, that's honestly how you end up feeling at the end of the day.

"Yeah." You smile, lying through your teeth, "Not a problem at all."

"Really?" He sighs, "Thank you. She's kind of nervous because you know how people are, and if it gets out that we're ce-"

"I know how it goes Sam." You laugh slightly, "Don't worry about it."

"I owe you one." He stands up, giving you a smile as he turns and walks away. You turn back to the mirror and see him stop.

You watch as he turns around, leaning against the doorframe, "You should wear the white dress." He knocks on the frame and smirks before he disappears.

You sit there, analyzing the situation, which you know you shouldn't do because it's just going to drive you insane, like why tell you what dress to wear?

What's it matter?

You huffed, taking a deep breath as you switch on your curling iron. You set it down, giving it time to heat up by getting all of your makeup that you're going to use out.

You paint your lips in the deep red color, smirking as you know it'll go good with that ivory white color.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

After curling your hair, you stand up, walking over to your closet and opening the doors. You push through the clothes, eyes dragging up and down every other dress option until you reach that certain one.

You take it off the hanger, turning around to lay it on your bed. You walk over to the door, getting ready to close it, when Colby's hand stops it from closing completely.

"Colby?" You question and open the door a bit more, "I'm getting ready to change."

He nods, "It'll be quick, I just want to make sure you're good."

You give him a confused look, "I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugs, "I just know big dinners aren't really your thing, so I just wanted to-"

"I'm good, Colbs. Thank you." You give him a smile, knowing that that isn't why he asked. You've been tied at the hip with them for years.

He knows you like the back of his hand, but he never wants to push to get answers from you. He knows you'll come to him if it ever came down to it.

You close the door and turn out, letting out a sigh because you weren't fine. If you didn't have such great self control, you would have smacked sense into Sam when he was sitting on the end of your bed.

You walk over, taking off your clothes to replace them with the beautiful ivory dress in front of you. It was a chiffon wrap dress with mesh sleeves, and to say the least, you were in love with it.

You walk over, bending down to find a pair of heels to match, and quickly enough, you found a pair right on top.

You make sure you have everything you need for the night before flicking the lights off as you walk out of your room.

Colby whistles as you walk down the steps and you smirk, "Boosting my ego, are we?" You walk over to him and he shrugs, "Like it's my job." He laughs and leans back against the counter to check his phone, "Yo Sam! We gotta get going, brotha."

You've got to be kidding me, you think as Sam walks down the steps. He's wearing a, pretty much, all white outfit. The only thing that isn't white are his shoes and the zipper on his jacket.

Same ivory color as your dress.

"Are we ready?" Sam asks as he opens his gold glasses to put them on. Colby laughs, "We were waiting for you, so question is." Colby points to Sam, "Are you ready?"

Sam laughs and runs his hand through his hair, "Let's do it."

You follow them towards the door and they let you walk out first. You stop before the steps, waiting for them to shut and lock the door.

You follow Colby down the steps towards the car, Sam following behind you. Colby opens your door, letting you get in first.

You sit in the back row with Colby. Sam in the row in front of you guys because, you know, he has a date and all.

"Where to?" The driver asks and Sam hums, "Mm. One second." You watch over his shoulder as he asks some, Lylah, what her address is.

Colby nudges you and you look back at him. He smiles as he shakes his head, mouthing, "What are you doing?"

You lean back, whispering to him, "Just being nosey."

You laugh, along with Colby and Sam turns around, "Secrets don't make friends you know." You raise your brows, looking down to pick at your dress with your fingers, "Lots of things don't make friends, Sam."

You force a laugh, trying to not make it seem as deep as it really is, to you at least.

You can feel Colby stare at you as Sam tells the driver where he's supposed to go and you just shake your head.

You didn't have to talk to Colby about anything, because he already knew.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

You come to a stop outside a rich looking apartment building, it looks like a fancy hotel.

Sam gets out and you bend down, leaning over Colby as you peer out the window, "Shit." You whisper quietly.

"Do you know this girl, Colby?" You ask leaning back up. Colby shrugs, "I've met her once, I think? It was when we were going meet and greets, she came and hung out with us with for the day, but I barely spoke to her."

"Hmm. Okay." You nod, leaning back against the seat, watching from the corner of your eye as Sam and his lady friend walk around to get in.

There's a perfectly good door.. right there, you think, rolling your eyes subtly as her head dips into view, "Hi Colby."

"Hey. How are ya?" Colby nods and she sits down with a sigh, "I'm actually doing pretty good." Her eyes move to you, "Hi y/n." She tilts her head, "I love the dress you're wearing."

Sam gets in, glancing back at you after closing the door.

Yeah, Sam told me to wear it, is what you want to say, "Thank you, it's the chiffon wrap dress from the new collection that just dropped from Zelenki's."

"Oh, yes! I love their clothing. I just bought a pair of jeans from there the other day. I'm super excited to see them." She smiles, turning towards Sam, "We need to get this guy on their site. He would look so good in some of their button ups."

She points to Sam and you nod, "Yeah, I'm sure he would."

Her face kinda falls for a second before she blinks and brushes her bangs from her face, "So where are we going to celebrate?"

"We decided on Ambiance." Colby says and she claps her hands together, "I love going there." She looks at you, "Y/n, if you're into alcohol, they have the best martini's."

You nod, "You bet I'll be drinking tonight."

Colby taps your leg, trying not to laugh, and you shrug, "To celebrate these guys getting the deal of a lifetime."

"Well, I wouldn't say t- well, you know what. We can say that." Sam laughs, smiling as he looks back at Colby.

Colby reaches up, patting Sam's shoulder, "This year is going to be sick for us."

After arriving to the restaurant, you get out and stand next to Colby. Sam and Lylah walk around and you have to look away, because if you don't, your face will give it away that you think her dress is completely ridiculous.

It looks like a prom dress that's been cut at the thigh.

"Pretty dress." You force a smile and she slides her hand down the front to smooth it out, "Thanks. Sam actually told me to wear it, he said he wanted to do a blue and white thing to kind of match."

Her eyes graze up and down your dress, moving to Sam's outfit as she lays her hand on his chest. You can tell that it really bothers her that you and Sam are the ones who are actually matching.

It's written all over her face.

"Alright." Colby claps his hands together, "Let's go in, because I'm hungry." He wraps his arm around your waist, leading you inside a head of Sam and Laylah.

"Brock and Golbach." Colby tells the host and he nods, "Ah yes. Right this way please."

You follow Colby through the sea of tables, making your way to the one room in the back corner.

"Your waitress will be right with you." The host nods and walks away.

Colby pulls your chair out, allowing you to sit before taking his seat next to yours. Sam sits in front of Colby, Layla in front of you.

"So, she leans forward, the martini I was talking about was this one." She points her pink painted nail onto the little card, "The chocolate martini. It's to die for."

Colby sniffles, hinting that you need to be nice, so you smile, "I think that's what I'll get then. Put your trust to the test." You wink at her and lean back, looking down at your menu.

You really did want to be nice to her, but mainly because Sam asked you to. But, at the same time, he doesn't see what's right in front of him, so you also wanted to kind of give him a, hey, fuck you.

"The pomegranate martini is also really good." You look up at her and she tilts her, "Well then I guess I'll have to put your trust to the test." She smiles and you laugh slightly with a nod, "Alright then."

As time goes on, more friends of Sam and Colby come in, joining the table. Everyone orders and now you're conversing back and forth with different people.

Every so often, your eyes will move towards Sam, and his eyes will meet yours.

Every time, you ask yourself why, and even how can he be so blind?

Colby lays his arm on the top of your chair, Sam's eyes following his movements before bringing his glass to his lips. He looks over at Laylah, leaning in to take a selfie with her.

He smiles that beautiful smile and you force yourself to look away.

"so y/n. Will you be joining the boys on this exciting trip?" Laylah sets her phone down, folding her arms over one another as she leans forward.

You look between Sam and Colby, shrugging slightly, "It's ultimately up to them, but I would lo-"

Sam and Colby speak at the same time, cutting you off, "She's coming."

Not only you, but Laylah raises her brows too, "Well I guess that answers that." She laugh, bringing her wide mouthed glass to her lips, finishing the rest of her drink, "I'm going to go get another one, y/n. Care to join?"

You reach down, grabbing your glass and finishing it, "I would love to." You smile, rising from your seat, smiling to the others as you walk around the long and full table.

"So, anything new with you?" She asks as you walk up to the bar. You shrug, "Nothing really." You laugh, "I mean, nothing more than the trips to investigate the ghostly world."

She nods, "I could never do that." She looks away to raise a hand to the bartender then back to you, "Is it really as scary as the videos make it seem?"

You nod, "Oh yeah. It's one thing to watch it through a screen but it's another thing to actually be there and witness it."

She nods, "Yeah I bet." She turns, "I'll have another pomagranete martini, and she'll have.." she points to you and you lean in, "Make it two."

The bartender nods and Laylah turns back to you, "So I don't really know how to ask this." She laughs, "Um."

"Just ask. I'm an open book." You smile and your smile quickly fades when the words leave her lips, "Clearly."

"What's that supposed to mean?" You tilt your head, slightly confused as to what changed. She clears her throat, "If you have a thing for Sam, I'm going to need you to drop it."

"If I have a- what? What the hell are you talking about?" You laugh, "I don't have a thing for Sam."

"Then why did you dress to match him? Why is it that I find you looking at him every time you think I'm not looking?" She sighs, "I get it, Sam is very, very handsome, and it's okay to be a little jealous, but can you not let your jealousy seep through, because if it happens anymore, it'll literally stain my dress."

You stand there, completely dumbfounded in silence.

She turns, "Oh, thank you." She grabs the glasses, handing one to you, "Cheers." She winks and starts walking back to the table.

You follow her, your cheeks heating up as you become angry at what just happened. You take a calming breath before you pass through the doors, putting on a smile as you walk back around to your seat.

"Everything go okay?" Sam asks and Laylah smiles, glancing up at you, "Oh yeah. Everything is just perfect." She leans over, pressing a kiss to his cheek and you clench your jaw.

You bring your glass to your lips and take a long sip.

"Attention, everyone." Someone at the end of the table stands up as they clink their glass. You lean forward, looking around Colby to see and you smile when you see their friend standing there.

"I just want to say a huge congratulations to Sam and Colby for landing this investigation. This is going to be one of the biggest investigations they've ever done and I cannot be more proud of them, so without further ado, please. Give my pals a huge, huge round of applause."

Sam and Colby stand up, smiling and batting their hands. You reach out, grabbing your phone so you can record a story for Instagram.

You smile as you type the words, congratulations guys. You deserve this so, so, so much!

You tag them and set your phone back down after posting. Colby leans in, "You're a part of this, too. Don't let them saying just us fool you."

You really felt like part of the team, that was until you got back from Italy, but that'll come with time.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

After dinner and an hour or two of talking about Poveglia, the four of you make your way back to the car.

"How long will you be in Italy for?" Laylah asks laying her hand on Sam's shoulder. She twirls his hair around her finger and you roll your eyes as you look away.

"A few days, four at most. We planned on seeing Venice again while we're over that way." Sam looks at her, giving her a smile.

She smiles, her eyes glancing back at you before she runs her hair through his hair, "Do you know when you leave?"

You and Colby look at each other, giving each other a look of disgust.

You knew what she was doing, and she knew it, too.

Sam shrugs, "Probably not for another week or so."

"So we have time to spend together before you flee the country." She giggles, "I mean, that's only if you want to."

Sam nods, "I mean.. I don't see why not." He chuckles and points, "Here, I'll walk you to the door." Sam opens the door when the driver stops and helps her out.

As soon as the door shuts, word vomit.

"When I went up to bar with her to get another drink, she cornered me and pretty much flipped out on me. She said that if I have a thing for Sam I need to drop it and then asked why I dressed to match him and then she said that I took any chance I got when she wasn't look, or I thought she wasn't looking to look at him and then to top it off she said that if anymore jealously seeped out of me it would literally stain her dress."

You take a breath and look at Colby who's staring at you, "I'm sorry, what?"

"She basically sa-" you stop talking as soon as the door opens again, and Sam gets back in, turning around to look at you, "So did you have fun?"

"Oh yeah." You raise your brows, "So much fun."

The driver starts to drive you guys back home.

"Are you okay?" Sam asks and you look up, ready to snap but you bite your tongue, "I'm fine, I just.. have a headache."

"Mm." Sam nods and turns back around. He brings his phone up, "What the fuck?"

"What's going on, Sam?" Colby asks and Sam face his phone towards you and Colby, "She's literally blowing up my phone."

"Why?" You ask, and Sam scoffs, "Why is she saying that you cornered her at the bar?"

"I didn't. If you want the truth she cornered me. I literally just told Colby everything that happened as soon as you got out." You motion towards Colby, "She accused me of liking you and basically said that I dressed to match you on purpose which, Sam. If I'm correct. You told me to wear this fucking dress."

"Let's not argue in here, please." Colby says trying to defuse the situation.

"Who said we're arguing?" You and Sam say the same time and you both huff.

"Exactly." Colby shakes his head, "Can we just wait until we get h-"

"Why would she say that you did though?" Sam looks at you and you shrug, "I don't know, maybe because she knows that we're close and I was bound to tell you?"

"Were you going to tell me?" Sam tilts his head and you shake your head, "No."

"Why?"

"Because Sam. I don't really think it matters, does it." You snap and the driver awkwardly puts his hand up, "You guys are uh.." he clears his throat, "Home."

"Thank you." You all say in unison. Colby gets out and helps you out and Sam comes around, ready to keep going but you walk away.

"Really?" He says loudly, "You're just going to walk away?" We need to talk about this."

"Can we do this inside?" Colby tries again but you stop in your tracks, turning around on your heels to walk back to him, "Do you really want to know why it's really not that important Sam?"

"Guys come on." Colby groans, "Please."

Ignoring Colby, Sam nods, "Yeah. I really do."

"Because you're bound to take your new girlfriend's side anyway, so why does hearing my side even matter?" You throw your arms up, "I've been trying to get-"

You stop talking and Sam tilts his head, "Trying to get what, y/n." Sam says plainly and you snort, "I don't even.." you shake your head, "You're so blind to certain things in front of you, that you just.."

You shake your head, "I can't do this. I can't do this right now." You blink away the tears that are forming quickly and turn to go inside.

Colby is standing there with the door already open and you barge past him. Sam on your tail calling out for you, "Y/n. Wait. Wait."

You stop halfway up the steps, "it doesn't. Matter. Sam. What don't you get."

He gets pissed, "Fine. Then don't fucking tell me. If you just want to run from this like you run from everything else th-" he stops talking, quickly coming to the realization that what he said was not what he wanted to come out.

You stand there, letting the tears you tried to blink away, fall, "Fuck. You."

You turn, running up to your room, shutting the door with a slam. You grab a suitcase, sobbing as you begin to throw clothes into it.

You hear footsteps come to your door and you sniffle, holding your breath so you can try and hear who it is.

There's a knock and you sigh, nose stuffy, "Go away, Sam." You wipe your cheek with your palm and Colby speaks from the other side of the door, "It's not Sam."

You take a second, hesitating to open the door but you give in. You walk over, cracking the door open and walking away to sit on your bed.

He slips in, not opening the door more than he has to, "Hey."

You sniffle, laughing slightly, "Hey."

He walks over, sitting next to you, "Are you-"

He stops talking as you look at him with a mascara streaked face. He nods, "Right. Yeah." You shake your head, looking towards the door, "What happened to us?"

"Us? You and me were fine." He smirks and you smile slightly, "You know what I mean."

He nods, "I don't think anything happened, y/n. I think.." he pauses and you look at him, "Just say it. I know you already know so just.." you push your hands out in front of you, "Lay it on me. Can't do much more damage."

"I'm just going to tell you what I think is happening, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, okay?" He look at you and you nod.

He nods, "Okay, so what I think happened, is that you are sick of Sam not seeing that you're in love with him."

Colby's words hurt, and the fact that they're true, makes it hurt even worse.

You nod, silently as you try not to cry.

"I also think, now, I love Sam to death, and I will tell you in true honestly that I did call him out on this, but I think Sam has led you on in a way." Colby looks over to the door and back to you.

"He's not on the other side of the door listening is he?" You point to it and Colby shakes his head, "No. he's in his room, waiting for his turn with therapist Colby."

You laugh slightly, taking in a sharp breath as your urge to cry comes back, "I just.." your voice cracks with your words, "I can't keep doing this."

"I know." Colby whispers, laying his arm around your shoulder, "I know."

"The constant flirting, him telling me to wear a dress that matches him without even telling me it matches and then completely blindsiding me with, oh he wanted to do a blue and white matching theme, fuck that."

You stand up, "I just don't-" you lay your hand on your face, "We go from being so close to kissing to this?" You gently fling your arms, "I jus-" you take a deep breath, "Have fun in Italy, call me when you can."

You zip your suit case and Colby grabs it, "No, I want you to come."

"I can't be around him, Colby. As much as I want to, I just.. it'll ruin everything."

"Everything already is ruined. Sam isn't going to forgive himself for what he said." Colby stands up and you shrug, "He can figure that out on his own. I'm done trying to get myself out of these feelings. I'm done trying to act like it's okay for him to hug me from behind then act like we're friends who just met, I'm just.. done trying to get him to love me.."

You look at Colby, "I'm done trying."

Colby frowns, "Y/n."

"I'm serious Colby, I'll come get the rest of my stuff when you guys leave for Italy." You pull the handle out from your suitcase and shake your head, "Make sure to tell him everything I said."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

It's been two days since they've left for Italy.

As you're lying in bed, in your room at their house, your pillow soaked from your tears that you can't turn off, your mind slips into the good memories of you and Sam.

"No. You can't be serious, Sam." You laugh, reaching across his body for grab a card.

He watches you as you slowly lean back, "What's it say?"

"It says.. what was the last dirty message you received?" You bite your lip and tilt your head. He copies your motion and raises his eyebrows, "Can I skip?"

You shake your head, "No way, Golbach. Spill it or.." You smirk, "Take three shots." He presses his lips together and tilts his head back, looking down his nose at you, "Gimme the bottle, baby."

You bite your lip as you reach for the bottle, sliding it across the table to stop in front of him.

He pours a shot, takes it. Then another, then the third and final shot, "Now what?" He leans in, "Are you going to tell me yours?"

Your eyes move from his lips to his eyes, "What if I say no?" You bite your lip and he shrugs, raising his eyebrows, "You tell me."

You back away from each other as Colby comes down the steps, "You're playing without me? Thanks for the invite I guess."

You roll onto your other side, trying to escape them, but you just can't.

"Whatcha doin?" Sam asks waking into the kitchen. You smile as you continue to scrub the glass dish, "Dishes."

"You know we have a dishwasher, right?" He laughs and you look over at him, "Not everything is dishwasher safe, Sam."

"I'm just saying.. nothing has broken on me.. yet." He laughs and walks up behind you, "Watcha listenin' to?"

You laugh, "Music."

You feel him walk up behind you and your scrubbing gradually slows down, "Why don't you take a break, I'm sure you've done enough damage on that dish, and dance with me."

You set the dish down and look at him over your shoulder, "What?"

He grabs your waist, spinning you around, "You heard me." He smiles and takes your bubble covered hand into his, his other hand still on your hip.

He pulls you a step out away from the sink and pulls you along with him. He laughs as he steps back, sliding his other hand into hours and you lift your arms, laughing as he spins you around.

He pulls you into his chest and wraps his arms around your neck, "You know, you're fun to hang out with."

You sob into your pillow, angry at Sam all over again.

Your phone dings, and you assume that it's probably just Colby, giving you hourly updates on how their investigation is going.

You lift your head, picking up your phone when it chimes again.

Sam: I'm sorry

You force out a laugh, trying not to cry, "Don't do this." You close your eyes, "I can't." You whisper, clearing his message from your Home Screen.

You sit up, looking around at your half packed room.

You wanted to be out by the time they got back, you told Colby you were leaving, you also told him not to tell Sam.

As you stand up, throwing things into a box, your phone dings, and then a few more times, and you groan, "I swear to.. fuck." You groan, leaning down to grab it, eyes watering at each message you read.

Sam: I want you so much. You're all I fucking think about. please. Talk to me. I need to I don't know, explain my self I guess? I wasn't ready I didn't think I was ready to actually settle down and I know that's what you want or wanted with me Y/n Please don't just read these

An incoming call from Colby interrupts your stare at the texts that are still coming through, "Hello?"

"Please don't kill him." Colby says frantic on the other end of the phone. You furrow your brows, sniffling, obvious that you've been doing nothing but crying, "What are you-"

There's banging on the front door.

Loud, repetitive, non stop banging.

"What's fucking happening?" You pull your phone away from your ear, seeing Sam's texts,

Open the door I left everything in Italy

You put the phone back up to your ear, "Why is he here"

Colby sighs, "Just talk to him."

"No." You snap and Colby talks immediately, "Look, y/n. Neither one of us can do this investigation. We have to convince the people who own this to reschedule our visit. Sam couldn't keep it together for the intro."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Now please." He sighs, "Just go. Open. The door."

"Fine." You hang up, making your way down the steps. You move the curtain on the door and look out at a soaking wet Sam.

"Please." His words are muffled from the door being shut, but you can still tell what he's saying, "I love you."

You clench your jaw, unlocking the door and opening it, "Where was that before all of this?" You step out side the door, the pouring rain coming down onto you now, "do you know how painful it was to have feelings for someone you can't be with?"

"Y/n." Sam shrugs, lifting his hands from his sides, but you keep going, "Do you know how many times, I've wished for you to not be in love with someone else? Then you go and hang out with a girl at a place you took me to first?"

"I'm sorry." His voice cracks, "Just please.. let-"

"I was jealous that night Sam, the night you asked me to play nice with your new girlfriend, Laylah. I was so fucking jealous Sam. But do you know how fucking stupid I felt? Being jealous over someone that wasn't even mine?"

He nods and you scoff, "I don't think you do because if you would have asked me to be yours, I would have said yes in a fucking heartbeat and don't even come back with the you should have asked me, because I know damn well that you could tell I loved you, Colby even picked up on it before you did."

Sam stands there, staring at you, eyes red from crying.

Hair dripping wet from the rain, you can't judge him because you look the same way.

"We're almost the literal definition of he likes her, she likes him. It's obvious to everyone except them.. but the only difference is, I knew what I wanted. I wanted you and all you did was lead me on."

Tears mix in with the beads of rain that form on your cheeks, your voice breaking, "It shouldn't have come to this, Sam."

You stand still as he walks up to you, "Y/n."

"It.." you sniffle, "It feels like you destroyed me, Sam."

"Let me fix it." He mumbles as he slides his hands over your cheeks, tilting your head up so you can look at him, "Please." He rests his forehead against yours, "Let me fix it."

"There's nothing-"

He cuts you off, "Don't say there's nothing to do. Because there's everything to do."

You sob quietly, his hands still on your cheeks. His thumbs brush gently over your wet skin, "I called whatever it was off with Laylah the night we got into it. The night you left me."

Your eyes meet his, "Why."

"Because I knew that my forever was walking out that door and I knew I had to do everything in my power to get it back." He sniffles, "You've supported me since day one. You've loved me.. since day one."

"Why now, Sam? Why after you flew all the way to Italy? Why after it took me telling Colby I was done with everything? It shouldn't have come to this."

He doesn't say anything, the rain smacking against the pavement fills your ears.

You reach up, grabbing his wrists to pull them away but he presses his lips to yours.

As much as you want to pull away, you can't.

"Sam." You slide your hands around his neck, lips moving with his as he slides his hands down to pull your hips against his.

"Please." He whispers, sniffling as he gently brushes his nose again your cheek, "Y/n."

You stay silent, the only sound that comes from you is a few sniffles.

"I can't do anything without you." Sam wipes your cheeks with his thumbs, "I wish I knew how stupid I was being. I tried to push you away because I didn't want to hurt you. I wasn't ready, but y/n, sweetheart, the risk of you walking out of my life forever has made me realize that I want you. I want you in so many ways, it's actually kind of insane."

You look up at him, "It shouldn't have taken.. this.. for you to finally realize what you want, Sam."

He shakes his head, "I won't ever let it get to that point ever again, because you're mine." He lifts you up, your legs hugging his waist like they've always dreamed of doing.

Your arms snake around his neck, not saying another word as he walks through the door, kicking it closed, "I promise."

You lean in, hugging him as he walks over to the couch. He sits down and you moving your legs to straddle his lap.

You lean back, hands sliding around his neck to cup his wet cheeks. Your eyes move around his face, back and forth between his eyes before you lean in, pressing your lips to his.

The heat you have always dreamed up, felt every time your eyes met his, is there.

And it's hotter than ever.

"I love you." Sam whimpers against your lips, "I'm so sorry."

You shake your head, "We can talk later. Right now.. I just.." you rest your forehead against his, "Wanna be with you."

He nods, sweeping your body over to lay under his. His lips kiss from your him, down your neck, "I wish.. I knew how to love you like this before."

You run a hand through his hair, unsure of what to say. He kisses back up to your lips, "Do you want to do this?"

You nod, tugging at his shirt, "Please."

He leans up, pulling his soaked shirt up over his body and tossing it onto the floor. You sit up and he does the same to your shirt, "You're so fucking beautiful."

His lips reconnect to yours and you moan quietly as he slowly grinds against you. He kisses back to your ear, his voice quiet, almost sounding like it's going to break, "You were the only girl I could ever think about."

Your eyes start to burn and you turn your head, reaching up to grab his so you can turn it towards you and kiss you.

The kiss is hot. Full of passion.

It's what you wanted all along.

He slides his hands down, slipping them into your rain soaked sweatpants. He pulls them down your legs, and reaches for the button on his pants, popping them open as he leans back down to kiss you.

He stands up, discarding his wet jeans to the floor before hovering his body back over yours.

He pushes his boxers down, just enough for his cock to spring free and he slips your panties to the side. Not wasting another second, he drops his head to your shoulder as he slowly slips his cock into you, burying it deep inside with a groan.

You gasp, clinging to him as you tighten your legs around his waist, breathing out a whiney, "Sam."

His nose brushes against your cheek as he lifts his head, "I love you, I'm so sorry." He pulls out, slowly thrusting back in, "I'm so sorry."

You wrap your arms around his neck, gasping with each thrust into you, "I love you." Your voice breaks, a small moan following after, "I've always loved you."

"I wish I knew I could have loved you like this." He kisses down your neck and back up, groaning lowly in your ear, "I wish I knew what I was risking."

You squeeze your eyes shut, a tear slipping down and falling down your cheek, "Don't ever.." you tangle your fingers in his hair, "Don't ever leave."

"Never." He pulls one of your hands down, interlocking it with his against your head as he lifts his to look at you, "I love you. No one could ever take your place."

You smile slightly and nod, "I'm holding you to it."

"As long as you need, baby." Sam smiles and sighs, "You were made for me." He kisses your lips, groaning against them as he thrusts harder but still slow.

You drag your nails up his back, moaning as he moves his head down to suck a mark into your neck.

His grip on your hand tightens, "I love you so fucking much."

You weren't ever going to get sick of hearing that.

You were relieved to finally be hearing it in the first place.

"I love you." You whisper, moaning as he lets go of your hand to bring it down to squeeze your boob. You tug his hair, arching your back as much as you can against his, "S-Sam."

"Cum with me, babe. Can you hold it?" He rests his forehead against yours as his fingers twist your nipple between his fingers.

You whimper, giving his a slight nod and he hums in response, "Almost there, sweetheart."

He thrusts a few moments longer before he kisses your cheek a few times, "Okay, okay, let go for me. Cum for me." His voice is quiet and his thrusts slow down as he feels you clench around him.

You let out a loud moan, pulling him into you as your nails dig into his skin.

He groans, pulling you closer by the hips, "F-fuck, fuck." He pulls out, letting his cum spill onto your lower stomach with a low moan.

You rest your head back, breathing heavy as your body relaxes.

He reaches down, grabbing his damp shirt and wiping you off. He tosses it down and holds his hand out, "Come here."

He pulls you to a sitting position and you immediately fall into him. He wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly, "I'm sorry it took me this long to realize."

"Better late than never, right?" You look up at him and he nods, "I guess." He smiles, pressing his lips to your forehead, "Go get a shower, standing out in the rain might get you sick."

"Only if you'll come with me. I'm not doing anything without you for a while."

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Genuinely sorry if this sucked. I'm not sure how I feel about it, honestly. So tell me how you liked it.

As always, thanks for reading & I love you!

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated 🖤

485 notes · View notes

ldysmfrst · 9 months ago

Text

American Mate (13) - Shall We?

Paring: Hybrid!BTS Ot7 x Plus-sized Human FemReader

Status: Ongoing series

Chapter number: 13 of unknown

Word count for Chapter: 10,166

Work count for Story: 101,472

Genre: Hybrid Playmate Au inspired by works created by @yoongiofmine

A little about the author: I am a mother of two beautiful children, one of whom has special needs, and the other loves everyone. I started a Patreon, and I would be grateful if you donated to help me make ends meet while I am out of work because I almost died in August of 2024.

Warnings: NOT BETA READ!! This chapter does have pack dynamics, comfort, possessiveness, angst, major mentions of past trauma, Violence, Loss of pregnancy, and Alpha fronting.

BTS HYBRID ANIMAL TYPES: Seokjin - Roan Ferret, Yoongi - Black Jaguar, Hoseok - Marten, Namjoon - Alaskan Timber Wolf, Jimin - Red Panda, Taehyung - White Southwest African Tiger, Jungkook - Flemish Giant Rabbit

AMERICAN MATE MASTER LIST / LDYSMFRST MASTER LIST

Knock knock knock

Startling you out of your depressing thoughts, you call out, “Who is it? I am in the bath still.”

“Ma’am, I am Bethany Ann, Omegan Alaskan Bear Hybrid and head of the preparation team. Prime Alpha Kim sent us to get you ready for the Gala. Whenever you are ready, please come out,” calls a sweet voice.

“Oh, is it really that time already?” you comment.

“Yes, ma’am, but no worries, we have plenty of time. Prime Alpha Kim stressed the importance of going at your pace to ensure your relaxation,” Bethany Ann informs. “We will wait for you in the living room.”

You think whelp time for solitude is over as you climb out of the bath and dry off. You must remember that in the future, you can ask the boys for anything, even alone time. They have told you that, and so has their manager, Sejin. You have to be confident enough to ask for it, which is the problem.

After slipping on Namjoon’s robe, you cannot help but smile as the scent of leather blends with the vanilla from your bath. Surprisingly, it is a delightful mix. The vanilla softens the leather, offering comfort and a sense of safety.

Namjoon is the leather boy of the group. Being a Prime Alpha, it makes sense that his scent is naturally more pungent and identifiable. It makes it easier for him to leave his scent behind as a show of possession and territory.

Walking out of the bathroom, a blush settles over your cheeks at the thought of having the Alaskan Timber Wolf hybrid claim possession over you.

“Ma’am?” asks a younger woman standing at your doorway. “If you please, would you follow me to the living room? Bethany Ann thought that it would be easier for the Alphas of the house to watch you from there without being in the way.”

“Sure, but you won’t have to worry about them. Jimin and Yoongi know to stay out of the area,” you mention, following behind her.

“True, I believe it was the two of them that may have dragged the third one away,” she giggles.

“Oh? Third one? Jungkook?” Your confusion is showing.

“Ah yes, he wasn’t happy with Bethany Ann being present since she is of hybrid descent,” the young lady smiled softly. “He was worried about scent tainting, but Miss Bethany Ann doesn’t have any scent glands.”

“Yep, I was born with them, but they weren’t very strong. My mother was human, and my father was a hybrid, which means I only got the smaller scent glands, fluffy hair, body structure, and strange sleeping habits,” Bethany Ann says as she joins the conversation.

“Oh, I didn’t know that traits would pass down like that,” you say in awe.

“There are more hybrid mixed humans out there than people are aware of. Many end up losing their physical animal features but keep some of the other behavioral or physical traits.” Bethany Ann smiles.

“How can you not have a scent, but you have scent glands?”

Bethany Ann’s smile falters, but before you can withdraw your question, she says, “Bears have glands in either their hands or feet. I ended up with skin cancer that spread to the scent glands in my feet. I was lucky we caught it and removed the infected tissues before it got any farther.”

“Anyways, we are here to turn you from the pretty woman you already are into a gorgeous princess ready for her ball, right?” Bethan Ann says as she has you sit in a portable salon chair.

Everything before you that is set up on the vanity before you look brand new: makeup, jewelry, and hair pieces. Bethany Ann is the principal stylist and has two human assistants: Cindy and Kat.

Bethany Ann oversees your makeup, Cindy works on your hair, and Kat deals with your nails. Soon enough, the three of you are laughing, and it feels like you have known them for years.

You learn that Bethany Ann met Cindy and Kat, a mom-and-kid duo rocking the Cosmetic industry, during BTS’s Love Yourself World Tour. They were set to go on the Map of the Soul tour, which got canceled. However, they got along so well and had an equal love for Ateez that they made their own line of cosmetics called MayNell.

You notice a purple, white, and silver trend in all choices. “I take it, my dress is purple or white?”

“Ah, well, we have a few choices for you: purple, white, silver, or black. Namjoon already has his suit ready, and we will match his accessories to the color of your dress,” Bethany Ann informs you.

Kat, you had learned, is gender fluid, born female. Their mom, Cindy, was a widow and that “cat friend” that everyone had. Both were human but found themselves more comfortable around hybrids than anyone else.

“Oh yeah, I… you guys were amazing. I feel great and relaxed because of you three,” you sigh. “I just wish I could see you again. Can we exchange numbers?”

“Oh, of course! In fact, I am sure if you bat your eyes a little and let those boys know that you want us around, we can find a way to become your primary team,” suggests Cindy.

“Really?” You question with your hopes up as you hand over your phone. “I couldn’t flat out ask Namjoon for that. You have others to work on.”

“Actually, we are contracted. Which means we can take on any client we want, if the proposal to be your prep team comes by our desk…” Bethany Ann looks at the other two, “I don’t think any of us would be against it.”

Taking back your phone, you think about the proposal. Could you ask for that? You are just a Playmate. It’s not like you will be in front of the camera that often, right?

You got along with all of them, but Bethany Ann felt more like a sister, like how your Omega Evie felt. You could easily see her getting along with your family pack, but now wasn’t the time to add new members.

You learned that as a hybrid descendant, she didn’t have a “predominant” second gender like full-fledged hybrids, but she identified as a Beta. When she was younger, she hated being a part of the hybrid “collective,” as she used to call it, until she was an adult.

She got her college degree in fashion and cosmetics and started working under JYP. While working under JYP, she met several Idols and ended up working with StrayKids. She admitted that she now follows the hybrid culture because of one of the StrayKids members. This led to an almost hour-long session for all four of you about StrayKids.

You confess that your Bias is Felix and your wrecker is Chan, which causes the others to almost fall off their chairs in laughter.

“Chan, as in Bang Chan, aka Christopher?” asks Bethany Ann.

“Well, yeah, not Changbin, though I used to get their names confused at the beginning because I knew Chan as Chris, but that man has so many names. I mean, heck, one of them even has numbers in it!” you playfully complain.

You look at Bethany Ann as she continues to laugh but pulls out her phone.

She puts her phone on speaker, and you hear it ringing a few times before a voice comes on, “Hey, babydoll, aren’t you working right now?”

Your eyes turn to saucers as you hear the Australian accent in the voice over the phone. Involuntarily, you let out an unladylike gasp of “no way in hell” and cover your mouth, looking rapidly between the phone and the bear hybrid.

“Hi, Channie, I am at work, and my client turns out to be a StrayKids stan,” she says with a giggle still in her voice.

“Oh, was that her in the background that I heard?” Chan asks. Of course, he would hear it. Like most idols, StrayKids has only two human members, but Chan, the leader, is an Alpha Tasmanian tiger-wolf hybrid.

Shaking your head, your eyes still unblinking, you attempt to stop Bethany Ann from bringing the phone closer to you.

“You got it. Guess who her bias is?” teases Bethan Ann.

“Me?” questions the Aussie with a hilt of excitement.

“Nope, sorry, love. It’s Felix-ah. Is he nearby? Though maybe she could say hi,” inquires Bethany Ann.

“Nononononono,” you hiss quietly, “Bethany Ann… noo.”

However, to your luck(??), you hear Chan’s muffled yelling before he gets back on the phone, “Can I talk to the Stay, babydoll?”

You let out an undignified eek sound, which caused another laughing fit and a laugh from the phone: “Wait, wait… did you tell her?”

“Nope. I guess I should, though. Y/n, Christopher is my mate. We found out the first time I worked with StrayKids, he courted me, and it's been official for a little over a year.”

“Oh my god!” you exclaim with a mortified expression. “My wrecker is Mated! I am sorry! I can pick someone else. I promise!”

Again, you are met with more laughter from everyone, and Chan over the phone says, “Babydoll, let me talk to my Stay.”

“You are on speakerphone, and her name is Y/n, and technically, she is Felix-ah’s Stay,” Bethan Ann says as she places the phone in your hand. You just look at it.

“Hello, Y/n; I am Bang Chan, leader of StrayKids. Thank you for being a stan of my pack,” he says smoothly, his Aussie accent coming out the more he speaks.

“Hi,” is all you can say.

“You don’t have to worry about picking a different wrecker. Bethany Ann knows that I have people who like me. While I can’t say I am happy only to be your wrecker,” the idol sighs over the phone. “I can say that I am honored to have a fan who would respect my mate as well as you do.”

“Hey, Innie said you wanted me, Alpha?” A very deep-voiced Felix is heard through the phone, causing your breath to catch.

“Bethany called and wanted us to talk to someone. Here. Say hi and introduce yourself properly,” Chris says before you can hear the phone move around.

“안녕하세요, 저는 StrayKids의 Felix입니다. 잘 지내시죠?” the deep voice says.

It’s at that moment you die.

Like almost literally.

It isn’t till Bethany Ann nudges your shoulder that you respond, “안녕하세요, Felix-ssi.”

“Oh, Y/n speaks Korean? She was speaking English,” you hear Chris comment in the back.

“Y/n-ssi, do you prefer English?” asks Felix.

You nod, then remember this is over the phone, “Ah yes, please. I know Korean... kinda, but I am American, so English is my first language. Icanspeakineitherwhicheveryouwantmeto.”

You hear a chuckle rumble over the speaker as Felix understands what he got brought into. Dropping his voice into his lower register, Felix asks, “Y/n-noona, you wouldn’t happen to be one of our lovely Stays would you?”

Your palms are sweating as you answer, “I am.”

“Hmm…” he almost growls. “I take it from Channie-hyung’s face that he isn’t your bias then?”

From the background, Chris comments, “I am her wrecker, at least.”

“That’s very nice,” Felix says, causing you to giggle softly. “I would think it would be even more nice if that meant… I was your bias, Y/n-noona. Am I?”

“Ah huh,” you affirm, as you cannot believe you are even having this conversation. StrayKids is known for not working with any Playmate service companies, so you knew you would only get to meet or talk to them if you could only find a way to afford a fan meet or a send-off.

“Well, now you at least have talked to us, Y/n,” Felix states.

“Shit. I said that out loud?” you question, looking around only to have the team trying their best not to die from laughter.

“Yes, you did, but that is okay; you're mine, and any friend of Noona’s is a friend of ours,” the blonde Aussie says.

“Careful now, Felix-ah. Y/n-noona is Bangtan’s newest Playmate and my client. So, keep flirting to a minimum. Thank you,” Bethany Ann playfully scolds the boy.

“Alright, noona, I will behave, but you have to find a way for her to come see us. I would still love to meet her,” says Felix with a whine.

“That is if she can get away from Bangtan Pack,” Chris pipes up.

“두 분이 계시네요,” another voice joins in . “이제 행사장으로 갈 시간입니다.”

“Okay, Innie,” Felix agrees. “Oh wait, INNNNIIEEE.”

“뭐가 필요하세요, Lix?” the voice, now known as Innie, says.

“Say hi to my Stay Y/n-noona,” Felix instructs. “In English.”

“Oh. Hi, noona! I am Jeong-In. You may be Lix’s stay for now, but don’t worry. I will save you!” says a playful voice in the background.

“Yah!!!” you hear before a clattering noise takes over.

“Jeong-In-ssi, Felix-ssi, Chan-ssi???!!!” you exclaim.

“Got it!” Chan says, picking up the line. “Innie always tries to convince Felix's stans to fall for him instead. No worries, noona. It’s all fun and games. But yeah, you should come see us one day,” Chris affirms.

“I hate to cut this short, but we really must get over to Music Bank. Babydoll, you know what to do. See you when you get a chance,” Chan says before the line goes dead.

“I cannot believe you!” you playfully slap Bethany Ann’s shoulder. “I was not prepared! Like you cannot just call up someone like that!”

“Sorry, but I couldn’t help it after your 5— or was it a 10-minute speech about why Chan is the best leader and how amazing Felix was for persevering?” Bethany Ann smiles at you and goes back to getting you ready.

((if you want to see follow the link for LACMA -Date with Namjoon))

After trying on a few gorgeous dresses, your heart stuttered in your chest when you tried on a specific purple one. Purple had always been your favorite color, and you had your fair share of purple dresses, but this… this was something else.

It was a Fongt African Evening Maxi Dress, allowing you to move comfortably while showing off your natural shape.

There was a peephole in the chest area that was not very provocative. According to Bethany Ann, “You gotta keep it classy but still appealing.”

The sleeves had a slit from neckline to wrist with one strip of cloth allowing it to still move with your arms just above the bend of your elbow.

The cuffs were lined with satin and pearls, which you learned were real when they matched with beautiful dangle earrings with a flower resembling the bracelet that Seokjin gave you.

Your shoes were made of white satin and wrapped around genuine pearl ankle straps. The heels were high enough to be a heel but still comfortable to walk in, but what they did was elongate your leg when you stepped forward, and the slit in the skirt of the dress opened to just above the knee.

Your makeup was done with a dramatic black winged liner, purple eyeshadow to match the dress, and white accents to pull more pearl and satin into your look. Your lips were kept natural with a simple satin-speckled gloss.

Your nails were painted an almost hombre look, going from white tips to deep purple and an almost matching satin-speckled topcoat.

Finally, your hair was curled, re-curled, and pinned within an inch of your life, but it looked amazing. It flowed like a river in soft waves down one side of your head. Somehow, they gave you volume and fake bangs, which you could never do on your own.

“All done,” announces Bethany Ann.

Ring Ring

“Hello?” you answer your phone.

“Y/n, it’s Namjoon,” replied the wolf hybrid. “Jen should be there with the car shortly. Are you almost ready to go? Did MayNell do well?”

“Yes, they are amazing. I haven’t had this much fun getting ready for a Gala in my life,” you say, smiling at the team. Movement behind them catches your attention as you see Jen's approach.

“Oh, Jen is here now. I have to go, Namjoon. I will see you soon,” you hurriedly say to the Alpha.

“Really quick, please hand the phone to one of the team before you go,” instructs Namjoon.

“Bethany Ann, he wants to talk to one of you,” you say, holding out the phone. A series of Yes, Prime Alphas, that won’t be a problem, understood, and hums come from her while you wave hello to Jen.

The conversation isn’t long and ends with Bethany mumbling something about it being in the trunk before she hangs up and hands you back the phone.

“It looks like we will be seeing you again, as we will be on stand-by at the Gala for last-minute touch-ups and maintenance throughout the night,” she says with a smile. The other two clapped excitedly as they piled up the used makeup so they would know what to use for later tonight.

“Miss Y/l/n, we should get going soon. Prime Alpha Kim is already on location,” Jen informs you.

Nodding, you make your way to follow Jen, waving goodbye to the team. Once outside, you see it’s the same black car used for your date with Seokjin. Carefully making it down the stairs to the car, you hear a cat call coming from behind you.

Spinning around, you see Yoongi still whistling at you, and Jimin and Jungkook join in with hoots and hollers.

“Who is that sexy beast?” Jimin calls out, causing you to blush.

Jungkook is snapping probably a trillion pictures while he yells, “Work with me, pose, and pose. Now Vogue!” To which you playfully comply.

“Have a lovely night, Princess,” Yoongi calls out while holding onto the back of his younger mates to keep them from running after you like they all want to.

Even if they were a bit dorky about it.

With that, your mind wanders to the rest of the boys. They all knew that you were nervous about tonight. It wasn’t just the Gala with the dancing, tons of famous people, and the media that was making you nervous– it was Namjoon.

Sure, you went on a non-date date with Seokjin, which felt more like an actual date than any you had ever been on, but that was with Jin. Someone closer to your age, not the Prime Alpha of a sizeable mate-bonded pack, and someone not powerful enough to make or break your career.

Prime Alpha Kim Namjoon was.

Looking out the car window, you see you are on a beautiful winding road, not the busy streets you expected, which piques your curiosity, asking, “Jen, where are we?”

“We are almost there, Miss. Prime Alpha Kim is waiting for you just ahead,” she responds with a smile.

Turning around a final bend, you see the unmistakable dome of the Griffith Observatory. When you first got to California, you used to come here all the time. You can see a few spattering groups of people, but it was autumn, well, almost winter, and getting colder earlier, so it wasn’t unusual for there not to be a ton of tourists right now.

After Jen parked the car, she got out and opened your door. Guiding you around the side of the building, you see a few men in suits blocking a path for visitors, but allow the two of you in.

“He is right down this path, Miss,” Jen instructs. “The car will be waiting and ready to head to the Gala when you are finished.”

“Thank you, Jen,” you say as you walk down the path around the left of the main building.

Once you come around the last of the curve, you see a stunning view of Los Angeles. The sun is starting to set, casting a red and orange tint on the skyscrapers. You can see the lights from homes and offices turn on, making it look like the sky has blessed the ground with stars, but that isn’t what falters your steps.

Right now, you see him.

Kim Namjoon.

He was observing the same setting sun with his back to you. He looked like a king looking over his kingdom, and his power and presence exuded from his very being.

100% Alpha.

His suit isn’t the one from this morning—no, no. It’s solid white from top to bottom, and against the bleeding colors of the sun, it makes him look stunning. His broad shoulders and solid back look like they could carry the world. The suit jacket accentuates his waist. The pants—wow, the strain of the material emphasizes the musculature beneath them.

Absent-mindedly, you have continued to walk forward with timid steps, and the slight breeze from behind you carries your scent to the Prime Alpha before he hears you.

With a quick turn, he faces you with a smile that turns to awe and shock as he takes you in. He knew you were beautiful before, but now, “You look like an angel.”

You shy at his words as you join him, “You are the one in all white, Namjoon. You look more like an angel.”

Upon hearing your words, a faint blush dusts his cheeks. Clearing his throat, he genuinely smiles at you, dimples and all, “I could never be an angel, but you sure could be mine.”

“Thank you,” you accept his compliment with your own responding blush.

Looking past him to gather your thoughts, you smile again at the view, “It’s so pretty up here. Isn’t it? I used to come here all the time.”

“I know,” he comments, causing you to look at him with a furrowed brow. “I may have asked your Beta where your favorite spot in the city was. I hope you don’t mind?”

“Looking into me, I see,” you tease. “I don’t mind. I think it’s sweet that you were interested in knowing and wanting to surprise me. Brownie points for caring.”

Your last comment now draws a look of confusion from him, prompting him to ask, “Has no one ever brought you here before?”

Walking up to the railing, you debate how much you want him to know before the Gala. This would be the best time to discuss things with him before he goes from Namjoon, the man, to RM of BTS.

“I... I don’t have much experience in this, Namjoon,” you start. “Everything I tell you tonight, you should tell Bangtan.”

Without waiting for his agreement, you continue, “After moving to California when I was 11, I pretty much became an only child with a controlling but oddly distant mother. I learned what it meant to be a family or a pack from Evie’s family.”

Namjoon joins you at the railing. His body turned to face you, his attention on nothing else. Glancing at the intensity of his focus, you pause and focus back on the slowly darling sky.

“I learned in high school that touching, hugging, cuddling was equal to whoring around since I wasn’t a hybrid. So, when a boy or girl would become comfortable with any of it, I took it as if they wanted to be with me.

“How wrong I was,” you sigh out. Namjoon, having moved closer to you while slowly pushing his calming leather scent into the air.

“I dated a few times,” I almost shyly admit. “According to my mother, I slutted my way through the short time I was in college till I ended up meeting Eric. I thought he was going to be my forever.”

It takes everything within Namjoon to keep his Alpha at bay while you talk about being with someone else. You are their mate and no one else’s. How dare someone lie to you about you being theirs.

At your silence, Namjoon tentatively takes a step forward and places a hand on your shoulder, “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, Y/n.”

“I know, but with you being the Prime Alpha of the pack, there are things you should know,” you explain. Taking a deep breath and leaning into Namjoon’s touch, you feel your nerves settle down slightly more.

“Eric was fantastic at first. He even helped my mother when she was ill and bought her a condo when we decided to move in together. Mom was thrilled that I was not only with someone from a societal class, but he wasn’t a hybrid. He was so kind, respectful, attentive, but that changed. At first, I thought it was me. I didn’t make dinner on time. I was being flirty with the waiter. I dressed improperly for the occasion.

“It started with underhanded comments and backward compliments. It wasn’t long before it turned into leaving bruises from harsh grips to busted lips from getting slapped and the occasional twisted ankle from him pushing me out of his way.

“I was with him for almost ten years because I thought he loved me. Why would anyone who didn’t love me buy me gifts and sleep with me if they didn’t love me? Right?” you asked facetiously, knowing you wouldn’t get an answer.

You wipe the tears that start falling, only to have Namjoon hand you a handkerchief, “oh, thank you.”

“I am sure you saw in the medical portion of the contract that I had a miscarriage, right?” you question, turning to face him.

Not trusting his words, Namjoon only nods in confirmation. His Alpha is eerily quiet now, waiting for your following words.

“I found out that I was pregnant,” you say with a hint of lingering excitement from the idea of ever being a mother. “Seven weeks along. I was so happy because it would explain why I constantly felt exhausted and nauseous. I just knew that this news of a baby would make Eric elated, then we could finally get married, and he would treat me better because I was carrying his baby.”

By this point, your bottom lip and chin are trembling, your breath is stuttering, and your skin is hot from the turmoil of emotions, but you knew Namjoon had to know, not only because of the contract but because of his pack. He needed to know you had so much more baggage than the contract said.

They all needed to know that you were broken and worthless.

“So, I made his favorite dinner, wore his favorite pink dress, and waited for him to return home. I waited… and waited… and waited but ended up falling asleep at the dining room table before he got home.

“He finally came home late that night, almost 2 am, and yelled at me for wasting food. He was slightly buzzed and had gone out with the boys. I, of course, apologized but told him I had something special to share.

“So, I told him,” looking down at my nails, my throat so tight it is almost impossible to speak, I try to continue, “He wasn’t happy. He punched me for the first time that night. Right in the stomach. Then he grabbed my purse, took me by my hair to the stairwell, and pushed me down it.”

“The whole time, he was screaming at me about how ugly I was, how fat I was, how worthless and pathetic I was. He threw me my purse and told me to get rid of the devil’s pawn that I was carrying. I ran and ran. I don’t remember calling Evie. I don’t know how she found me and took me to the hospital. But she did. I ended up with two fractured ribs, an ankle sprain, and a miscarriage.”

Next thing you know, Namjoon is pulling you into a hug. His large form engulfs you in leather and vanilla scents, a soft growl rumbling in his chest, and he just holds you like you will fall apart if he lets go.

“It broke me,” you mumble into his chest. “After that, I moved into my flat, focused on work, brought Derek into the pack, and took time healing enough to look at myself in the mirror without crying.”

Pushing slightly on his waist, Namjoon slowly releases his hold and looks at you. His eyes hold pain and anger for what you have gone through, but there is something else. It isn’t a pitiful look; it almost looks like awe.

“Namjoon, I haven’t been with anyone since,” you say, hoping he understands what you mean.

Rubbing his hands up and down your arms, you can see him try to process his thoughts before he says, “That is… he caused… skinship. This is why you are hesitant about skinship outside your family pack. The one person you allowed to be close to you with skinship destroyed its meaning and true purpose.”

“Angel. Y/n. I don’t mean to be rude, but he is an asshole. He is worse than that, but” he growls. “I don’t want to rant. Thank you for telling me all of this. I can see why you have reacted to the pack as you have so far.”

Namjoon takes a moment to look at the now-set sun and the night skyline before continuing, saying, “First off, Angel, you are not broken; you are beautiful. Bangtan is so lucky to have such a strong and fierce woman to be with. Secondly, there is nothing wrong with not being with anyone else after going through what you have been through, and we are not going to force you to do anything you are uncomfortable with.”

“But the contract said...” you start to say.

However, Namjoon cuts you off, saying, “I know what the contract says, and we are sticking to it. You don’t have to be the world’s best at skinship. Skinship takes time, trust, comfort, and connections. Omegas are naturally prone to want skinship. Betas use it to regulate the pack, but Alphas do it out of desire and desire.

“Yoongi-hyung wants to be your safe space, Jungkook-ah desires to be your happy place, and the rest of us are right there with them. We weren’t lying when we told you that you are special to us, but we need you to see if we are special to you as well. In time.”

Taking in a deep breath, you shudder as you look him in the eyes. “Derek told me to heal and see where this all goes before he left the meeting yesterday. Now, I know he was talking about more than just my wrist.”

Searching your eyes, he tentatively asks, “And are you okay with that?”

“I…I think I am.” Your statement draws a stunning smile from the wolf hybrid, “But. But… it’s still going to take time. Just today, Jungkook and Taehyung barely kissed, and I felt like I was watching a private moment.”

“It was a private moment, but it was a private moment they wanted to share with you, Angel,” says Namjoon. “In front of the cameras, Bangtan pack is very playful, like on Run BTS, or stoic, like at Awards. However, behind closed doors… Bangtan is very affectionate. Sometimes, the younger ones can get a bit lustful, and I have to shove them behind closed doors because it’s too much for even me.”

You giggle at the thought of locking the trio in a closet and offer, “Have you ever tried a bucket of ice water?”

That pulls a hearty, honest laugh out of the Prime Alpha, “That would be very funny, but no, we haven’t. Jinnie-hyung would hate getting the packhouse wet like that.”

Taking your hands with seriousness on his face, Namjoon says, “Y/n, I will let the rest of the guys know what you told me. I will do my best to ensure that none of them hunt down this Eric person.

“But I want you to be ready for them to comfort you, to want to hold you, to show you what skinship is supposed to mean. Also, be aware that if we don’t want you to be involved in our private moments, as you call them, we wouldn’t do them while you are there.”

You smile softly, and something inside you vibrates with almost excitement about being able to feel all these things again, even though it still scares you a bit. Having an entire pack of Alphas at your back is thrilling, but you also know you must help them keep their image.

Patting his chest softly, you inform the Prime Alpha, “Well, you don’t have to worry about Eric. Evie and Derek, even before he was a pack member, had been collecting documentation and evidence of Eric’s abuse, and now he is in jail. He isn’t getting out because there were others before me.”

Stepping away from him, you glance at the sparkling city below. “Even though this chapter of my life started with a minor disaster, I think it will be a journey worth taking.”

“And you have seven men to take it with you, even step of the way,” Namjoon says, stepping up behind you and placing his hands on your shoulders, observing the sights below.

Like Yoongi, Seokjin, and Jungkook, you felt calm around him now.

He offered you his arm as you walked back to the car, which you were grateful for since it had turned chilly with the night sky.

“Angel, I have something for you,” Namjoon says as he points to a purple and white bag one of the guards at the trail entrance holds. He reaches inside and pulls out a lovely satin and lace bundle. Shaking it out, you see that it is a cloak!

You reach out to take it from him only to get it pulled away, and Namjoon wraps it around your back with a flourish, saying, “I had this made for you after I heard how well your date with Jin-hyung went. I wanted you to join me tonight, and I knew what I would be wearing, so I wanted us to match.”

He continues talking as he ties the cloak in place, “It’s made of thicker satin around the shoulders because I heard you get cold quickly, and the lace is made in the design of our Smeraldo flower, which symbolizes love and hope. It also has a hood, but I don’t want to ruin your hair.”

Wrapping yourself tighter in the folds of the cape, you can’t help but feel like the material is hugging back. You softly smile and say, “It's lovely, Namjoon. Thank you so much.”

Nope.

After adding a purple pocket square, amethyst cufflinks, and button covers (you didn’t know that was a thing) to Namjoon's look to match you more, Bethany Ann deems you ready for the Red Carpet.

You are escorted to a different car with extremely heavily tinted windows. Jen is still your driver but is now in an all-black pantsuit with purple and white satin accents.

You guess it is a BTS image thing to be all matchy-matchy.

The drive to the Gala is relatively short but still long enough for your nerves to try to kick in. Namjoon is holding your hand while scrolling on his phone, “Well, it looks like the news broke about you being our new playmate.”

You reactively squeeze his hand tighter.

“It seems like many are supportive of it because we are on tour, and they hope you can comfort us,” he smiles down at you with moon eyes. “Our Army already loves you, and so will everyone else after tonight.”

The car stops, and you can see the flashing lights through the tinted windows. Both of you take a few deep breaths.

“Ready?” he asks. With your nod, he knocks on the window, and Jen opens the door.

The next eternity is spent getting blinded by flashing lights and being asked an excessive number of questions that you can barely hear. Namjoon, thankfully, noticed your anxiety. Bending to whisper in your ear, “Don’t worry about answering these questions. Just ignore them.”

Well, you thought before that you were getting blinded and bombarded… now it was 100 times more than that just because of the whispering. You can imagine how intimate it looked between you; all you can do is hope you look happy, not like a deer caught in headlights.

Finally, you go to areas where panels and cameras are set up. You notice a few Hollywood Stars, like Dakota Johnson from 50 Shades of Grey, Lil Nas X, who stopped to say hello to Namjoon, and even Kate Capshaw with Steven Speilberg. You had lived in Los Angeles long enough to conduct yourself properly around the Hollywood Stars and not embarrass yourself or the name of BTS.

Soon, it was time for the interviews. Thankfully, most of the questions were geared toward Namjoon. The random few that were asked of you could answer without difficulty. Some interviewers made you laugh, while others were more serious, and Namjoon would step in and take over if they got too pushy or personal.

You were concentrating on the cameras and the questions so much that you missed how Namjoon’s attention was on you any time you spoke up. His pride in your strength to not waver or fumble your words was amazing.

You were perfect.

You were his angel.

“Well, that went smoother than what I thought. It’s not so bad and kinda easy now that I look back on it,” you comment once inside the Gala.

However, the groan and the headbutt on your shoulder contradicted your feelings, “Namjoon? Are you okay?”

Holding on to your shoulders with his nose at the nape of your neck, Namjoon breathes in your sweet pea scent laced with god knows how many emotions. His Alpha is back to clawing his way forward, wanting to get your scent to stabilize.

His lack of response causes your scent to spike with worry, and you try to get him to answer, “Namjoon?”

“Hello, is everything okay?” A woman’s voice asks. Looking up, you see it is none other than Jennie from BlackPink.

“안녕하세요, Jennie-ssi. Umm… I think everything is okay, but umm,” you look over your shoulder as best as possible, only to be met with a deep growl. “Okay, maybe everything is not okay.”

“Your Y/n, right? The new Playmate for Bangtan pack?” asks Jennie.

“Yes, I am. My… word travels fast,” you smile and attempt to bow in greeting again to be growled at by the Prime Alpha at your neck.

“Miss Y/n, I don’t know if you know this, but I am a Siamese Hybrid, and your Alpha is not happy with your unsettled scent… I think,” she states with a look of concern.

You frown at the thought that your scent is causing issues for Namjoon in such a public event. Grimacing, you say, “Oh! Well, I don’t have a good handle on my scent. Umm… Do you know if they have hybrid rooms for situations like this?”

“Yes! They do… umm, hold on,” she says as she walks over to another man, and they talk in rapid Korean. Soon, they both return to where you are, but now Namjoon has decided to band his arm around your waist, keeping you closer than before. You want to giggle about the wolf hybrid asking like a koala hybrid out of nerves, but you manage to keep that locked away. Right now, the main concern was to get Namjoon out of his worry and into a safe and calm place.

“Hello, I am Lee Jung Jae, human, but I know where the rooms are. Please come with us. We already told Jennie-ah’s manager to let Namjoon-ah's manager know where you two are going,” the man says. Following them down the hall and around a corner, you see a few rooms labeled: “Hybrid only.”

“Oh, 감사합니다 선생님! Thank you for all your help,” you smile, hoping they will excuse you for not bowing.

Jennie holds the door open for you, “I haven’t seen him act like this since Jungkook-ah joined the pack. It’s a good thing; you have nothing to worry about. Just relax for 5 to 10 minutes, and everything will be fine.”

Nodding in understanding, you shuffle the two of you into the dimly lit room. There is a desk with a chair and a small couch. Couch it is.

“Alpha? Alpha, can we sit down, please?” you ask, moving toward the couch. You feel Namjoon move his head, hoping he is looking around the room. When he still doesn’t verbally respond, you try another tactic. “Alpha, my feet are hurting. Can we please sit together on the couch?”

That works.

Before you finish the sentence, Namjoon pulls you to the couch. Taking a seat, he grabs at your hips and sits you down on his lap. His arms curl around you, and his eyes, now a lovely forest green, observe your expressions.

“Hello, Alpha Joon. Are you going to be alright?” you ask while casting your eyes downward. You remembered something about eye contact and wolves not being an intelligent thing to do.

“Your scent is everywhere,” Alpha Joon replies, which shocks you since it's not the stilted speech you have heard from Alpha Yoon and Alpha Chim.

“Oh, well, yes. I suppose it is because this is a new experience for me,” you smile as you remember the reassuring touches from Namjoon during the whole thing. “Alpha was very helpful in keeping me safe and not panicking. Thank you for your attention, Alpha Joon.”

The compliment pulls a smile from the wolf hybrid, “It’s my job as Prime Alpha. Need to calm your scent. Sweet pea. Angel’s sweet pea.”

Adjusting how you sit on his lap, Alpha Joon grips on tighter, but you smile and move a little bit more, allowing you to lean against the arm of the couch while still leaning on his chest. With a relaxing sigh, you say, “I should be fine soon, Alpha Joon. I actually enjoyed walking the carpet with you.”

“Too many were watching you. Lots of people were flirting with you and with what you shared earlier… I guess my Alpha was just in protection mode or something,” he grumbles, resting his head on yours.

“Oh, you are silly, Alpha. They are just doing their jobs. You saved me when it got uncomfortable, but everything is fine now. We get to enjoy dancing and stuff now,” you try to reassure.

The room is silent when you feel a large puff of air on your head, “Sorry about that, Angel. My Alpha has been trying to front since our time at the observatory. I guess your mixture of emotions was too much,” the wolf hybrid says.

You tilt your head to see his eyes return to their darker brown color, “No worries, Namjoon. I am just glad that Jennie-ssi and Jung Jae-ssi were around to help find this room,” you smile at him, still looking between his eyes. “Your Alpha’s eyes are pretty, by the way.”

“Thank you. The green is a rare color, but the pack says it makes sense because it takes a rare breed to be a Prime Alpha,” he says with a hint of shyness.

Nodding, you say, “I would agree with them. Your Alpha also has better speech than the others so far.”

“Ah yes, that is also part of why I am the Prime Alpha. It allows me to be understood and protect my pack,” informs Namjoon.

“Make sense,” you hum. “Now, do you think you are ready to head back out? I am sure Manager Sejin is worried by now.”

He searches your face and takes a deep breath of your scent, which still isn’t entirely settled but more than it was before. Reluctantly, he says, “I am, if you are, or we could just go home… if you wanted to?”

Knowing how important and exclusive this event is, you try to smile honestly and answer, “I would like to stay. I haven’t been to a Gala with a dance floor in a while, but it looks fun.”

Those attending looked like they walked off the catwalk from New York or Milan’s fashion week. Quietly, you thank whatever powers that be granted you the talented team to make you look like you might be able to fit in with this elegant crowd.

Before taking a seat, you could spot Jennie and Jung Jae, give them a quick thumbs up, and thank them again for all their help.

The evening's events started with Michal Govan and Eva Chow’s speeches about LACMA and why we were all here. They were followed by tributes to Amy Sherald, Kehinde Wiley, and even Steven Speilberg. A short film was shown by someone you had never heard of but are now interested in.

Next came the dinner.

Shit dinner! How would you avoid being rude and eat the food without knowing what was in it? Gourmet meals at these high-flaunting Shindigz never look like what they are made of.

As if sensing your internal panic, Namjoon squeezes his hand over yours. You glance up at him, your concern showing in your eyes, but before you can say anything, he leans over and says, “Are you worried about the meal?”

Nodding you, lick your lips, trying to figure out how to explain to Namjoon how you could… could… maybe hide in that room again till dinner was over?

Watching your tongue wet your lip, Namjoon smiles at the nervous habit you share with a particular mate and informs, “It’s okay, angel. The seats are assigned, and they know your restrictions.”

Instant relief comes from his words. You should have known. They have told you many times that they will take care of you. He has told you that he will take care of you.

Maybe it’s time to start believing them.

Smiling brightly at the Prime Alpha, you turn over your hand and lock your fingers with his. You hope this conveys gratitude for the precautions and attentiveness during such a grand event.

Namjoon's eyes widen at your movement, now focused on your intertwined hands. His mate is holding his hand, not out of need but because his new mate wants to.

At that point, a strong wave of vanilla comes over the Prime Alpha, the mate bond. It’s forming between the two of you. He can feel the pull now. He didn’t destroy the bond before it got a chance to start with his proposition.

He may be known as the God of Destruction, but he will never allow any bond to break between his mates and you.

A famous DJ took over for the small, formal orchestra-like band playing in the background. He played music from all around the world.

Namjoon danced with you as best he could. That man almost had two left feet, which caused you to laugh never-endingly. Teasingly, you ask, “How?!? Namjoon! How can you be so bad at dancing?”

“I can dance! I have only stepped on you twice, and that was because you were doing some kind of fancy thing that I hadn’t seen,” he huffed but still danced along with you until you abruptly stopped in your tracks.

“Hey, you almost got stepped on agai…” Namjoon stops talking and takes in your wide eyes and blushing(?) face.

You aren’t looking at him; you are looking past him. Turning around to see what you are looking at, he sees nothing but other guests. Looking back at you again, he notes that you are watching something or someone moving. Trying to track what you see, it hits him… Lee Min Ho. You are watching Lee Min Ho.

Stepping behind you, placing his hands on your hips, Namjoon leans into your ear, “Should I be jealous that your eyes are on another man? Not only that, but Tae-ah’s good friend Lee Min Ho?”

You snap your attention back to Namjoon, “Friends? You know Mr. Lee? Wait… jealous?”

Chuckling to himself, Namjoon looks back at the famous Korean Actor and whistles, catching his attention. A smile blooms on Min Ho’s face when he sees Namjoon, and he heads towards the two of you.

“Namjooooonnn! Why did you do that?” you harshly whisper through your toothy smile.

He whispers teasingly in your ear again, “I thought you would want to say hi to someone you clearly know of.”

“Min Ho-hyung! I didn’t know you were going to be here tonight. It’s good to see you. How is the pack search going?” Namjoon greets the stunning actor with a hearty handshake-guy hug thing.

You move out of the way, and your brain is awed to see him up close. You can handle Hollywood stars because they are everywhere, but foreign stars… that is a whole different thing because they don’t come here often.

You accidentally watched him film a little for his show The Inheritors in 2012 or something. That is when you first noticed him, but since most of his stuff was on streaming channels you had to pay for, you didn’t watch many things until recently.

Namjoon noticed your movements but continued to speak with his friend to let you relax or fangirl out.

“Joon-ah, may I ask who this lovely creature is?” Min Ho asks, turning his attention to you.

With a prideful smile, Namjoon introduces you, “This Angel is Y/n. She has graced me as my date for the Gala tonight.”

Attempting your best to maintain professionalism, you smile and respectfully bow, “만나서 반갑습니다, 선생님.”

“Oh, you speak Korean?” Min Ho says with shock, “Joon-ah, you did find a gem for tonight. Tell me, Miss Y/n, how does dancing the night away with this clumsy wolf feel?”

“Yah! I am not that bad,” exclaims Namjoon.

You giggle out, “It’s not bad. He keeps shying away from the classic dances with too much footwork, but I think my feet are grateful for that.”

“I am not shying away from classical dances. I don’t know much about ballroom forms. Besides, the band gives the DJ and guests breaks from dancing like we are now. That’s all,” Namjoon defends himself.

“Guest breaks? And here I thought I was the oldest one,” you tease.

“You ballroom dance, Miss Y/n?” asks Min Ho.

Looking at the actor, you can’t tell if he is asking because he doesn’t think someone of your size can ballroom dance or he is honestly curious.

“Yes, Mr. Lee. I have been trained in multiple ballroom dance techniques but prefer competing in classic Waltz, Salsa, or Tango,” you reply with pride. Your face becomes a defensive mask as you say, “I wouldn’t expect anyone to guess that. Besides, it's not like those dances are very popular anymore.”

A look you are unsure of what it means flows over his face as his eyes flick to Namjoon and then back to you. “Joon-ah, you know it is rude to deny a lady her request to dance. Since you won’t be joining her, I will,” he says, stepping closer to you. He bows, asking, “Miss Y/n, I would very much like to have this dance with you.”

You stand there shocked, your mind trying to grapple with the fact that A) Lee Min Ho just asked you to dance following traditional etiquette, B) Namjoon is right there, and C) LEE MIN HO just asked you to DANCE!

Before you can accept or deny the request, the band starts with a piece you recognize as Underground Tango by Goran Bregovic. The actor then takes your hand and pulls you to the center of the floor.

“Mr. Lee. Mr. Lee, I..” you try to say before he pulls you into the classic Tango hold.

Bending down to your ear, he says, “Namjoon is a little slow when it comes to taking what he wants. Dance with me, but watch him. Let’s see how long it takes for your Alpha…”

You glance at Namjoon and see that he is, of course, watching you. You're his date, so why wouldn’t he?

“Shall we?” Min Ho asks before he takes the first step into the dance. Your eyes automatically return to Min Ho’s, and your body falls into the dance like it was meant to be there.

The Tango is an intimate dance with constant body contact and wordless communication between the dancers. It requires concentration to perform well, and at this highly publicized Gala, you don’t want to look like a fool.

It was surprisingly easy to follow Min Ho’s lead. He kept his hands in proper and respectful placements, showed respect in his movements, and played up the sensuality of it all with his facial expressions… he is an actor, after all.

You maintained proper eye contact with Min Ho and followed the energy of the dance by adding flourishes to your movements and the flicks of your dress. It felt like old times pretty soon: just you and your dance partner on the floor, with the music acting as your lifeblood.

In one turn, Min Ho brought you back into his hold but placed your back in his front, which, in the proper hold, pressed the two of you together. That’s when you hear a soft chuckle coming from your dance partner.

Glancing up at Min Ho, he tilts his head toward the audience, causing you to follow his gaze. You would have frozen in place if it hadn’t been for the years of training and Min Ho’s stronghold on your body.

No longer was Namjoon standing and watching you dance with his friend – It was Alpha Joon.

With deep, even breaths and his hands clenched at his side, the forest green eyes watch you like a predator watches his prey. Flicking all over your body, they sear heat into your skin as they trace all your contact points with the actor.

“If I could wager anything, I would think your Alpha doesn’t like you being touched by me right now. Possessive much?” Min Ho says quietly. “Let’s finish this with a show.”

Min Ho spins you around without warning and takes you into a dip. As he dips deeper, you cling to the actor, afraid to be dropped. Trailing his nose along your neck to your shoulder. His hand is securing your lifted leg through the slit at his hip.

As the music dies, he pulls you up and stands you nose to nose. Your heart is pounding, not because Lee Min Ho looks like he will kiss you… No no. It’s because Lee Min Ho looks like he will kiss you while Alpha Joon watches from somewhere in the formed crowd.

A coy smile plays on his lips as he glances behind you, “I have a feeling you may be going home early, but still, enjoy the rest of your night, Miss Y/n.”

Next thing you know, strong hands grip your waist, pulling you away from Min Ho, and a low growl rumbles through you. Your breath is stolen, and your body is not only thrumming from the dance but from the Alpha at your back.

Min Ho steps back, looking Namjoon in the eyes. He says, “Hello, Alpha Joon. Thank you for allowing me to dance with your date; she was divine.”

“Mine,” a deep, gravelly voice comes from the wolf Hybrid.

“Is she?” asks Min Ho, his eyes flashing yellowish. “My Alpha thinks she is unmarked.”

“Your Alpha? You’re a hybrid?” You are shocked to hear this as you take in the man before you but do not see any hybrid features.

“Alpha Bobcat hybrid. You didn’t think I was this graceful by being human, right? Couldn’t you feel my athletic but lithe build while we were dancing so closely?” Min Ho says as his eyes wander up and down your form. A look of something passes over his face when Namjoon’s grip tightens, and the growl grows louder.

Putting his hands up, Min Ho steps back farther. “Alpha Joon, I don’t want to push or pry. I only meant to allow your date to have a moment of fun. I will respect your claim on her… for now,” the actor says, his face turning into a mask of friendliness that does not meet his eyes.

Without looking at you, he says, “Y/n, please tell Tae-ah he needs to give me a call. It was an honor to dance with you this evening.”

With that, he turns and disappears into the crowd. However, you also want to disappear into the crowd but cannot because you have a Prime Alpha at your back with a death grip on your waist. Glancing around, you are at least relieved to see that it is mainly hybrids watching with worried looks on their faces, but no one has responded or reacted like anything is out of the ordinary.

This may be something normal for Alphas.

Running through everything you could do next to escape from the dance floor, you keep thinking about the fact that you didn’t know Lee Min Ho was a hybrid, and dancing caused Namjoon to be this unhappy. Instinctively, you should be scared, and you are… right?

Or are you excited?

It’s just adrenaline. That’s what it is; you attempt to convince yourself until you shift your weight and feel the sooo very telling dampness between your legs.

Why?

Why are you, now of all times, turned on?

It isn’t from the dancing; you would have noticed that with all the movements. Here you go again, getting turned on by a mated man: his possessiveness, his Alphaness, the body-consuming growls.

“Sweet pea, bergamot, and sugar,” Alpha Joon says as he takes a deep breath. “Min Ho left none. Good. Mine.”

“Alpha Joon, umm, should you be fronting right now at the Gala?” you ask softly.

“Fine, many hybrids are here,” he responds, rubbing his wrists along your sides and sending out calming scents to you. “Bergamot means scared. Nothing to scare from, my Angel.”

“Can we talk about this somewhere else, please?” you ask. Stepping out of his hold and quickly facing him. “Scenting in public won’t look good for your pack, Prime Alpha.”

His forest green eyes narrow at you. The look is calculating. Dropping his hands to his sides with slight irritation and sulkiness, the Alpha hybrid steps forward and cautiously asks, “Scenting is accepted, but not here?”

You smile at his tone and respond, “Yes, Alpha Joon. You may scent me, but please remember I am still getting used to this.”

Still, wanting to get away from the many hybrid eyes and not run into Lee Min Ho again, you reach for his hand and step into his personal space, asking, “Alpha Joon, can we head home now? You can scent me in the car if you’d like.”

His green eyes shine like emeralds, “I’d be honored, let’s go home.”

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scamguy · 2 months ago

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Due to Kim Dokja being a VERY repressed person in general, I think he would REALLY struggle with his how he'd associate with his sexuality, whether you see him as gay/bi/aro/ace... Actually if you think he'd be fine with dating Yoo Joonghyuk and Han Sooyoung, from the bat, without any issue, then I think you're insane. More under the cut because that all became a big chunk of text.

We're talking about a guy who spent his entire life trying to blend in the background so hard that he became a literal ghost. If he even ever thought about his own sexuality, then he either came to the realization that he is straight (which I just don't think is true considering how often he compliments other men's looks), or that he's not and therefore he should try his best to pass as cishet just in case, so that no one would bother him about it. Don't forget he grew up bullied AND scrutinized by the press. He's used to having to keep things hidden.

I also don't think he'd bother experimenting with his sexuality in adulthood, considering he's only still alive for the sole and unique reason that he wants to read that one ongoing novel, so that stuff is completely out of the picture for him. His closest friend is a coworker he barely ever speaks to, do you think he would try to go out and date people? Pleaaaase...

Kim Dokja wants to disappear in his surroundings, he wants to be ordinary, forgettable, just another coworker, the upstairs neighbor, the unnoticeable everyman in the subway seat angling his phone away from other people's line of sight so they can't see what he's reading. Gender and sexuality is a non-behavior for him; he's presenting as a man because of his assigned sex, and he's not looking for romantic partners because he doesn't need one in order to survive. Genderless, and sexless - truly an undefined shape, who discarded everything there was to discard about his life in favor of focusing completely on a fictional story. Funnily, I think his gender is closer to 'reader' than it is to anything else: he's just Not There.

And as such, standing out, even just a little, is his natural enemy. So while I dont think he's bigoted (all of that stuff could've been handled a lot better in the novel, but: it's made rather clear that he doesn't judge people on their gender identity but on their actions - as shown in the early chapters of the demon king castle scenarios with the catfishing crew - and once he comes to see Jang Hayoung as a real person, rather than his OC, he recognizes her as a woman), I think that because of this fear of standing out, he'd obviously consider the idea of queerness as something undesirable, especialy if it's in relation to himself, because it gets in the way of his comfortably dull (non-)existence.

This internalized homophobia is, imo, made even clearer everytime his possible queerness is brought up by other characters, because he avoids the subject like the plague and he rarely comments on it in the narration, which makes his real thoughts on this very ambiguous and up to interpretation. Even if it's only brought up for laughs, I think it's interesting that Kim Dokja just flat out refuses to speak or even think about being into guys because he's just that embarassed.

So what about post-canon? Unless you're some heartless monster without a modicum of reading comprehension, then you surely dream of an ending where Kim Dokja wakes up and gets to live and grow old with the ones he loves. But even after learning that he can be loved, that he IS loved, can he truly let go of his lifetime(s) of repressed emotions, can he truly accept himself? Is the self-love that brought him back, the same thing as self-acceptance? And even after absorbing the idea that he is of immense worth to the world, is it enough to overcome his guilt? Could he truly bear to live without feeling like he has to hide himself anymore? He understands that he should exist, but does he truly try to live his life to the fullest?

#orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv meta #yoohankim #sorry. got a little crazy there.#orv spoilers #orv epilogue spoilers #kim dokja #.......can you tell i relate to Kim Dokja a lot..?

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andhumanslovedstories · 5 months ago

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I've been thinking the kind of writing I do and the kind of reactions it gets. Some authors get goofy comics of their works. Me? I just got a comment on my Captain America: Winter Soldier fic that I helped the reader understand 9/11. I am, by the way, delighted by that.

I struggle to describe my own writing style. It's wordy, I know that, and favors a LOT of detail, to its benefit and detriment. I'm indulging this tendency for my current fic because it's fanfic and I am having a lot of fun seeing what details I write that I end up elaborating on, but my number one style goal this year is to work on brevity and a snappier pace. My style is so introspective; characters spend a lot of time reflecting on themselves. I put a lot of work into making my characters complex, even at times contradictory because I think that's true to human nature. And by god, do I think about a story's themes. Do other writers think about themes this much? Sometimes I'm like, hey brain, I'm actually good on themes. Would love to get some plot.

Not to entice all the sapiosexuals out there, but I take a very cerebral approach writing. (This does not btw mean that the fic itself will be particularly intelligent.) I'm not saying this is a good or bad way--it's one way to write. My writing can feel very cold to me. Very same-y as well. That's why writing SQQ pov is so fun, it's such a radically different voice than my usual.

The fic I'm writing now was supposed to be a lighthearted fic that was an excuse for me to practice writing a sex scene. Almost 80k words in, it's so super not that. I just can't resist the thrall of complication. Although you know, as I'm writing this, I'm not exactly sure what an "intellectual approach" to writing even means to me. I use big words? I overuse semi-colons?

Maybe it's the way that I'm so language-forward in my writing. Like, what I love doing is crafting a sentence. Someone described literature to me as writing where the main draw is the author's technical accomplishment in executing their style. I definitely favor authorial voice, to the point where the stories I write that I like least feel like balsa wood gilded over. It looks nice, but you quickly realize it's weak as hell.

There's works that clearly value style over plotting, and vice versa. You need both when you write--all plot with no style reads like a synopsis of itself and all style with no plot is imagery in pursuit of nothing. Both very boring in their own way. It's interesting how totally which one weighs more affects every part of the story. Mrs. Dalloway is not a fast-paced page turner, and a thriller doesn't halt itself so we can read really beautiful, pointless paragraphs about how the color of the sky evokes memories of a long ago time when you were so different.

Maybe what I mean is that my stories tend to evolve out of the ideas that I'm exploring. In the fic I'm writing now, I had this core conceit of misunderstanding: people failing to interpret something without knowing they're doing so. In a way, the entire story is about the hard work of moving from misunderstanding to understanding. Getting information, interpreting it, having that interpretation challenged, exploring what that challenge provokes, moving either closer or further from "the truth". Shen Qingqiu misunderstands basically everything, and basically everyone misunderstands Shen Qingqiu. What situations can I make that center on misunderstandings? I also think a lot about the concept of fault--how have people failed in the past, how are they failing in the present, and how do you make up from what you have done wrong? Do you get to just move forward? Are you always at mercy of whatever you did in the past?

So a lot of the plot of the story stems out of ways that I can bring those ideas to the forefront. When I get stuck, I think of different ways these concepts can manifest. Ming Fan's getting a whole plotline because of this. I like my writing, I do, but I’ve really been thinking about the way I write affects what I write. And then in turn the reactions I get to my writing. And then I wrote this whole post because ao3 was down and I couldn’t post my chapter. And now here we are.

Also general DVD commentary on OOC fic--I hit such a roadblock because we're very close to the point of the story where Big Things are going to happen, and I could not decide on exactly how those things should occur. I had about three ideas that I was excited about. None of them were compatible with the others and each would have very different emotional implications. It's hard to write when you're essentially juggling three different drafts. The only way I got myself to commit to one was promising myself that I could always write AUs of my own fic. I honestly doubt I'll get around to doing that, but who knows. Maybe someday there will be a fic of (spoiler warnings ig for things that aren't going to happen) this fic's version of sqq and lbh in the endless abyss together.

Also you would not imagine the amount of thought I've given which conversation should happen before the abyss and where each character relationship needs to be. I have dithered like crazy. And there's so many relationships I'm working with. I'm keeping track of Shen Qingqiu's relationship with: Luo Binghe, Liu Qingge, Yue Qingyuan, Mu Qingfang, Ming Fan, Shen Jiu, Qing Jing Peak as a whole, a couple of OCs, the System, and his concept of self. Mu Qingfang has not been on screen for a minute but it's not because he doesn't haunt my plot outline. Sorry, bud, everyone else just keeps getting more pressing stuff.

#b.

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xia0mi-c0m · 5 months ago

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The proshipping problem in the twst fandom | A rant.

Very obvious trigger warning for things normal for proshippers like p3dophilia, incest, etc.

Though I do know proshippers will be in every single fandom, it's getting especially worse in the twst fandom, specifically the Japanese side of the fandom (with some discussions about some in the English side too).

Before any proshippers come into the comment section: Proshipping is NOT a healthy coping mechanism. If your therapist recommended it, they should be fired.

This post is not to dehumanize and degrade underage proshippers as they have been obviously groomed into believing that it was okay to ship this sort of stuff.

The actual elephant in the room we WILL be shunning is the adult proshippers who actively encourage children (either actually or under law) to proship.

Before getting fully deep in this subject, I would like to admit something that I've talked about before.

I was a proshipper when I was younger than what I am now. This was because, not getting into too much detail, I was groomed by a man online to the point that i thought it was okay.

Not only was I a proshipper but I was also a darkshipper, problematic comshipper, and also supported the things present in Dead Dove fanfics.

In fact, I had an account on some sort of forum page with other proshippers and I shared my nasty ships there. I believed it was a good way of desensitizing myself to my trauma that fucked me up heavily, but it wasn't and it was making me relive the same trauma which in return, made it worse.

This is why I say that I do not want anyone to shun underage proshippers, they were groomed into it half of the time.

Now that I'm 18 (About to turn 19 on February 14th), I finally understand that proshipping is an unhealthy way of approaching your trauma and pain.

It may feel like it does something, but it really doesn't. And I want to reassure you that you're not alone in your pain, please, find other ways to cope and process what has happened to you that doesn't include glorifying very nasty things.

Now with that out the way, I would like to say what the title says.

Proshippers in the twst fandom has sadly grown overtime, but my niece made a very good point; stating that since twst does have a slightly dark story, that people with dark and nasty thoughts and ideas will be attracted to it, much like a moth to a flame that damages it's already fragile body.

There have been adults in the twst proshipper area, and I think they're the main cause of fueling minors in the fandom to do the same thing. Maybe with or without knowing the eventual psychological consequences.

The adults who are aware sadly lure and prey on the gullible underage individuals of the fandom, and though that might seem like an overexaggeration; it sadly is true.

I am Japanese, well, half-Japanese. But even then, due to that fact, I'm more prevalent in the Japanese fandom than the English fandom though I am trying to balance out both.

Since I am more present in the Japanese side of the fandom than I am with the English side (because I'm basically like an absent dad that went off to get the milk and never came back until years), I have seen a lot of shit in here and it's very scary even to this day.

Though the English side of the fandom is as equally bad, the Japanese side is worse with the whole l0li and sh0ta thing. Sadly I have seen English twst accounts do those things too.

The most popular proshipper you may know is Ugigi or however the fuck you spell her name, whether one likes to admit it or not, her selfships were very much proshipping. This is mainly due to how her OC could've been her actual age which was in her 20s if I'm remembering correctly.

But let's say the OC wasn't, it would still be problematic (but not in the proship way) since the characters she drew NSFW of were mainly the minors (again, if I remember correctly). If her OC was her actual age then she would be a proshipper.

However, watever the age of the OC she always drew, it's obvious that it was still leaning more on proshipping because that indicates that she's attracted to the characters despite knowing they're minors (and not even aging them up by the way).

So, very nasty, I was thinking of putting her In the TWs 😭

All jokes aside, proshipping is disgusting.

In fact, must I bring up any other thing?

LEECHCEST.

WHAT.

Well, you heard that right, people ship Floyd and Jade. Seriously, what is wrong with you guys. And I think I know why this ship is so popular in the Japanese fandom; The fact incest is not necessarily illegal in Japan in a way.

Yeah. You heard me correctly. I'm horrified and scarred for life <3

"Surely there isn't anymore I shall talk about, right? Right?? RIGHT?!?" I exclaim, not expecting anything else to come from the sky and hit me.

Then boom..

SHROUDCEST.

OH FUCK NOT AGAIN.

So, apparently people ship a dead robotic little boy with his big brother.. yeah... FNAF fandom called, they're telling you not to steal their bit much like how Deejus is trying to tell Johnny RaZeR not to steal his "YOUTUBEEE" outro bit that.. he also stole.

It can't get any worse than this, right? This is definitely the last tier of the iceberg, surely? Perhaps??-

KINGSCHOLARCEST.

Okay, now we're pushing it, this bit is getting old but whatever.

Kingscholarcest can refer to three (disgusting) "ships": A nasty ship of Cheka x Leona, a nasty ship of Falena x Leona, or a nasty ship of Falena x Leona x Cheka.

Sweet home Alabama all around but more extreme..

I think we all know why these ships are not okay and are disgusting (ESPECIALLY CHEKA X LEONA SINCE CHEKA IS A GOO GOO GA GA BABY.)

Finally.. It's over.. I can go back to ranting!-

FELLOW X GIDEL.

JESUS CHRIST STOP.

This madness needs to stop because if not I'm going to pull my fucking hair out!-

LILMAL, SILVER X LILIA, S-

OKAY STOP IT RIGHT HERE,, THE BIT IS OLD NOW.

So, I think you get my point.

Borderline incestuous ships, the drake specialty, and straight up sweet home right to Alabama.

Now, let's put aside the jokes and get serious again.

With all the things I have stated, you can definitely see the absolute horror of some parts of the fandom.

There's accounts that are VERY hypocritical, saying "P3dos DNI" when they are a sh0ta/l0licon. This is the literal definition of hypocrisy at it's finest.

There are mfs who have unironically said that Cheka was hot and romantically cute.. HE'S 7 YEARS OLD. OR MAYBE YOUNGER. I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER BUT I DO KNOW HE IS A CHILD.

I have said this MANY times before and I'll say it again; if that characters looks like a child, THEY ARE A CHILD.

Even if you age up characters like Ortho, Cheka, etc. You are still self-reporting that you're attracted to a literal child.

Fiction DOES affect reality no matter if you try to plug your mickey mouse ears with your fingers (or paws, I don't know) to gaslight yourself into believing it doesn't truly affect it.

In fact, there have been cases where people have been arrested for having l0li/sh0ta on their devices, though, sadly, its not a long sentence despite how it should be lifelong.

But even without the lifelong sentence, the law still considers l0li/sh0ta CSAM. (I hate calling it CP now since that implies that kids can do that in their own will.)

A grown adult proshipper even told me when I criticized Kanna from dragon maid for being a little girl the author sexualizes to no end all because I said that she doesn't have a listed age that I was being "contradicting" and I think this proves that.. proshippers DON'T know what contradictions ACTUALLY are because they've gaslit so much into believing this disgusting behavior is normal and okay to do.

And don't get me started on Dead Dove cai, chai, etc. bots and fanfics.

Dead Dove, proshipping, problematic comshipping, darkshipping, doveshipping, etc. doesn't give out awareness to the horrors of such depraved acts.

Another very nasty thing I've seen in the TWST fandom is people shipping the staff with the students, mainly Crewel with Deuce.

Teacher x Student is disgusting no matter what. Teachers are always more grown than the students, so yeah, teachers aren't the anime boy or girl of your dreams or something, he or she's going to be old and otherwise not "attractive" and young.

The training to become a teacher and any profession in fact will take years, which means you'll grow and turn old.

I understand many say "Well, it's just fiction!" but these people seem to forget that young individuals, especially young girls, can see these teacher x student fiction and will probably, in the worst case scenario, get the wrong impression from it, ESPECIALLY if the media glamorizes and romanticize it, and sadly become a victim.

Crewel, If I'm not wrong, is 31 meanwhile Deuce and the other first years that [Crewel] mainly gets shipped with are 16 years old.

This is not only a disgusting, vomit-inducing age gap but huge maturity gap whether one likes to admit so or not.

Yanderes especially in the twst fandom get romanticized, and people seem to forget the reality of the abuse that yanderes put their "love interest(s)" through.

And I think this is why fandoms (not just twst) should stop romanticizing yanderes and student x teacher, and vice versa.

Besides, these two tropes are grooming even if the victim is not a minor, adults and the elderly alike can also be groomed especially if they're gullible and need to depend on someone (for either a disability or something).

People will probably invalidate my point but I don't budge from what I said.

Sorry if this posts looks rushed and/or maybe even incoherent to some, I just wanted to get this off my chest and stuff.

I should start ranting more, I like yapping so yeah, expect more whenever I'm bored :3

Anyways, BAIIII!!

YOUTUBEEEEEE flies away into the void to the right

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nalyra-dreaming · 4 months ago

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It's so frustrating trying to have a conversation about Louis' narration. The last time I tried, someone accused me of being 'ship-brained' because they believe Loustat has nothing romantic about it and that there's no tenderness between them.I simply pointed out,as neutrally as possible,that we can’t fully trust what Louis has said about their relationship so far because he’s altered a lot of details,and that Armand is also a suspicious figure in Louis’ memories of Lestat. That’s it.But immediately, I got attacked for calling Louis an unreliable narrator and for trying to demonize Armand. Which is insane, because I never said Louis was completely unreliable, just that when it comes to his relationship with Lestat, things are complicated, and we can’t take his words at face value when assessing their love.It’s exhausting. You can’t have a nuanced discussion anywhere without people jumping down your throat.I have never said Loustat had a perfect marriage or was a perfect couple,just that things are more nuanced that what Louis narrated,I'm not waiting for Lestat to be the only truth and if i understand Rolin doesn't want another revisit and s3 will be modte likely Lestat' background + maybe some plot in modern story,I never believed that he would refute everything and Louis is a liar Iand Armand a big bad moustache curling villain.😮‍💨

I'm accepting to be wrong and we can discuss anything without being always at each other throat

*sighs*

You know, the fact that people cannot see what a disservice they do Louis by making him into this one-dimensional, flat caricature of himself by removing all the problematic bits.... And I call that "problematic" - because JACOB called him/them monsters, and that it's good that they can be problematic...

And so I sat down, and listed a few things JACOB said - with sources!

Louis does lie (he literally says “not everything Louis says is a lie“ in this video)

Louis is problematic

Louis was very repressed

Louis is a snob

Louis has many guises (and Jacob looks forward to s3, TVL!)

Louis is the problem (I saw the tweet (here is one referring to the Taylor Swift song), but it's referred to in this comment as well, as well as other things, too)

Louis knows deep down some things are not true

Louis presents Lestat as a monster bc he‘s angry

The way some people want to remove eeeeeeeeverything that makes Louis in the slightest bit problematic or even an active participant of his own story, and thereby reduce him to this victim only ... this shell is beyond me. I get where it comes from(!), namely from bad stereotypes and racist inflections that have unfortunately been employed again and again at other points - but heaven help, this show is NOT that, and JACOB has already stated all these already - and this need to scream anyone down who dares to point these out is preventing any possibility of real discussion in this fandom - and honestly, THAT is actually the true shame.

Also, re Loustat - ALSO Jacob:

"They are in a romantic relationship in the books. They’re married by the end. Maybe Anne Rice didn’t fully know what their relationship was at first – the style is very different in the first book. Lestat is this kind of goblin monster torturing Louis. But when you look back with the context from further books, you see this man was just very repressed and so hurt by what happened between him and Lestat that he couldn’t acknowledge him as his lover, as his partner, as his great love. But by the second book, they’re absolutely a couple. And because we’re adapting the whole of The Vampire Chronicles and taking things from later books and repurposing them, the idea of telling this story and them not being a couple… well, there’s no show! Their love story, as messed up as it is, is the heart of it."

And:

"Well, scenes from a divorce is probably Armand, and then scenes from a marriage feels more fitting to Louis and Lestat."

What else is there to say....

Our cast gets their characters. Jacob gets Louis.

Now if only the fandom could accept that, too...

#Anonymous #ask nalyra #amc iwtv #iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #loustat #jacob anderson #sources

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soleminisanction · 1 year ago

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I got a bee in my bonnet and spent last night crunching these numbers to confirm a long-held suspicion of mine, and now I'm going to do something with them even if it's only interesting to me. So.

I went through and tallied up all of the fics AO3 currently (as of 3/27/24) has under the tags "Trans Tim Drake," "Nonbinary Tim Drake," "Genderfluid Tim Drake" and "Genderqueer Tim Drake," since I figured that cast a wide enough net without committing myself to reading every fic vaguely tagged Trans Character to figure out which character they were talking about.

I then did the same for Dick, Jason, Damian and Bruce and, after comparing those numbers against each other and against the total number of fics each character has under their general tag, followed up with Duke, Babs, Cass, Steph and Kate, and then Kon, Cassie, and Bart for good measure.

The results confirm the suspicions I was going into check and are really interesting, to me at least:

Despite having far fewer stories overall than Jason, Bruce or Dick, Tim has by far the most stories tagging him under the trans umbrella (653 out of 58,395) and is the only member of the Bats for whom at least one full percent of his stories fall under that category (1.12% to be exact.) He actually has more total trans stories than Jason and Damian combined (308 out of 71,120 and 255 out of 42,607, equaling 0.43% and 0.59%, respectively) and outstretches the 2nd place ranker, Dick, by over a hundred (who clocks in at 438 out of 79,057 -- 0.55%). Bruce amusingly has by far the most stories overall (90,305) but the fewest trans stories (185) for the lowest percentage among the boys (0.2%).

The only one who comes anywhere close to matching Tim percentage-wise is Bart, who has far fewer stories to his name but a ratio of 62 out of 5,717 for 1.08%. I was thinking maybe Young Justice might have a higher percentage than the Bats due to their strong queer fandom but that only really proved true for Bart, with both Cassie and Kon coming in at only 0.2% and 0.28% trans umbrella percentage respectively (actual count 6 out of 2,874 and 39 out of 13,746).

Cassie's numbers correspond with the fact that women just, do not get a lot of these stories, at all, even compared to the general lack of attention they're paid by fanfiction spheres in general. Steph and Kate both clocked in at falling 0.17% under the trans umbrella (29 out of 16,638 for Steph, 5 out of 2,897 for Kate); Cass got 0.13% (21 out of 15,769) and Babs only 0.07%, the lowest percentage out of anyone I calculated for (11 out of 15,785). Duke's showing was a respectable 0.55% (34 out of 6,166) which puts him about even with the rest of the boys.

All of which I just went through to confirm a gut instinct I've had for a while: even in light of the noticeable trend in fandom towards increased visibility for trans and other queer-gendered people over the last decade and a half or so, it's a notable Thing for the DC comics fandom to explore with Tim Drake in specific.

And that doesn't even take into account things like the over 200 "Tim Drake is Catlad | Stray" fics, which almost always have some element of queered gender or at least femme'd sexuality to them, far outstripping any of the other Robin boys' spins in that AU (those counts stand at, respectively: Damian - 11, Dick - 33, Jason - 79, Tim - 242). Or the 11 fics logged under the "Tim Drake is Batgirl" tag, a category that doesn't even exist for any of the other male Robins.

(What makes that last one extra hilarious to me that most people don't know one canonical version of Tim has been a member of the Batgirls.) Part of me wants to use that parenthetic detail as a segway to ramble about the various canon snippets I think probably contributed to this, from Tim being presented as "the pretty one" who most often gets the "looks like his mother" comments to the fact that he is the only male Robin who's ever cross-dressed for an undercover mission and even though it only happened once the Internet will never forget Caroline Hill.

But this post is long enough as it is and I don't really have a point beyond I think this is interesting and cool so I'm going to leave off here for now and put my numbers under a cut so people have the raw data to look at if they'd like to.

TL;DR - Based on the numbers, the internet believes Tim Drake is more likely to be trans than any other member of the Bat-family or Young Justice, and I think that has interesting implications about his character and fandom. It's neat.

Data Taken: 3/27/24

Tim Drake: 58,395 Trans Tim Drake: 513 Nonbinary Tim Drake: 46 Genderfluid Tim Drake: 89 Genderqueer Tim Drake: 5

Dick Grayson: 79,057 Trans Dick Grayson: 399 Nonbinary Dick Grayson: 15 Genderfluid Dick Grayson: 23 Genderqueer Dick Grayson: 1

Jason Todd: 71,120 Trans Jason Todd: 286 Nonbinary Jason Todd: 17 Genderqueer/Genderfluid Jason Todd: 5 (4 have both tags and are the only ones tagged Genderqueer Jason Todd)

Damian Wayne: 42,607 Trans Damian Wayne: 215 Nonbinary Damian Wayne: 37 Genderfluid Damian Wayne: 3 Genderqueer Damian Wayne: 0

Bruce Wayne: 90,305 Trans Bruce Wayne: 180 Nonbinary Bruce Wayne: 5 (2 also tagged Trans Bruce Wayne) Genderfluid Bruce Wayne: 1 Genderqueer Bruce Wayne: 1

Total Trans Umbrella Tim Drake: 653 Total Trans Umbrella Dick Grayson: 438 Total Trans Umbrella Jason Todd: 308 (313 if you count the GQ tag separately) Total Trans Umbrella Damian Wayne: 255 Total Trans Umbrella Bruce Wayne: 185 (187)

Percentage Trans Umbrella Tim Drake: 1.12% (1.11825) Percentage Trans Umbrella Dick Grayson: 0.55% (0.55403) Percentage Trans Umbrella Jason Todd: 0.43% (0.43307 or 0.44010) Percentage Trans Umbrella Damian Wayne: 0.59% (0.59849) Percentage Trans Umbrella Bruce Wayne: 0.2% (0.20466)

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Duke Thomas: 6,166 Trans Duke Thomas: 20 Nonbinary Duke Thomas: 14 Genderfluid Duke Thomas: 0 Genderqueer Duke Thomas: 0

Barbara Gordon: 15,785 Trans Barbara Gordon: 11 Nonbinary Barbara Gordon: 0 Genderfluid Barbara Gordon: 0 Genderqueer Barbara Gordon: 0

Cassandra Cain: 15,769 Trans Cassandra Cain: 15 Nonbinary Cassandra Cain: 6 Genderfluid Cassandra Cain: 0 Genderqueer Cassandra Cain: 0

Stephanie Brown: 16,638 Trans Stephanie Brown: 27 Nonbinary Stephanie Brown: 2 Genderfluid Stephanie Brown: 0 Genderqueer Stephanie Brown: 0

Kate Kane (DCU): 2,897 Trans Kate Kane: 4 Nonbinary Kate Kane: 0 Genderfluid Kate Kane: 1 Genderqueer Kate Kane: 0

Total Trans Umbrella Duke Thomas: 34 Total Trans Umbrella Barbara Gordon: 11 Total Trans Umbrella Cassandra Cain: 21 Total Trans Umbrella Stephanie Brown: 29 Total Trans Umbrella Kate Kane: 5

Percentage Trans Umbrella Duke Thomas: 0.55% (0.55141) Percentage Trans Umbrella Barbara Gordon: 0.07% (0.06968) Percentage Trans Umbrella Cassandra Cain: 0.13% (0.13317) Percentage Trans Umbrella Stephanie Brown: 0.17% (0.17429) Percentage Trans Umbrella Kate Kane: 0.17% (0.17259)

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Bart Allen: 5,717 Trans Bart Allen: 40 Nonbinary Bart Allen: 20 Genderfluid Bart Allen: 1 Genderqueer Bart Allen: 1

Cassie Sandsmark: 2,874 Trans Cassie Sandsmark: 4 Nonbinary Cassie Sandsmark: 2 Genderfluid Cassie Sandsmark: 0 Genderqueer Cassie Sandsmark: 0

Total Trans Umbrella Kon-El: 39 Total Trans Umbrella Bart Allen: 62 Total Trans Umbrella Cassie Sandsmark: 6

Percentage Trans Umbrella Kon-El: 0.28% (0.28371) Percentage Trans Umbrella Bart Allen: 1.08% (1.08448) Percentage Trans Umbrella Cassie Sandsmark: 0.2% (0.20876)

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rubysgirl32 · 1 year ago

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Behind the Cameras

Ruby Cruz x Fem!reader

Warnings: Enemies to lovers (kinda), VERY ANGSTY (reader and Ruby get to a fight), swearing, self hatred thoughts, and inner homophobia from reader

Summary: Reader gets paired with ruby for the press tour, which sucked because ruby seemed to constantly be dick around her.

Author's note: I just re edited this, so its more complete and its in second person pov rather than third, so yeah! enjoy 🤍

─── ∘°❉°∘ ───

Being casted for the second season of Willow was something you never really expected. The audition in itself felt like a fever dream, but actually getting the role felt like your entire life was falling into place, just as you would dream of as a kid. You grew up with Willow, your brother and you were obsessed with George Lucas, so it was a constant binge between Star Wars, Willow and Howard the Duck. It was truly a dream for you, to get to fly to Wales, to be invited into this magical world and meet everyone, especially Warwick. What wasn’t a dream come true, was her.

“And yeah, this is truly a gift being back to playing a fucking disney princess, its crazy to me” Ruby replies at the interviewer, her brushed hair perfectly in place, and her lips forming a stupid perfect smile in such an effortless way as answers the question.

“And with the new cast, how has it been adding new characters and extending the willow family?” The woman asks, shuffling in her seat as she leans in closer for the answer

Ruby’s smile turned plastic quickly. She looked down at her finger and fiddled with her rings.

“Yeah, it was… fun. I mean with these new characters, the stories go further and are truly more interesting. We truly did welcomed everybody with such open arms-”

You stopped the video and looked back at your brother who stood with his arms folded.

“That lying bitch” You gasp “Open arms? Open arms, seriously? She is one of the coldest people I know- she never even once during filming spoke to me, and then says she welcomed me with open arms?” you huff out pure anger as rolling your eyes passing the phone back to your brother. The rest of the cast did receive you with open arms. Everyone was really lovely, and you quickly became a part of the already tight knight family, but ever since the table reading back in October, Ruby has yet to speak or even present herself to you. She dodges you in corridors, leaves whenever you enter the room and once she even left early from training because of you.

“Just wanted to show it to you before you heard from the rest,” Jack shrugged. He then sat next to you on the couch, turned off his phone and threw it softly til the last cushion. You looked back at your brother with a soft smile. God, you were lucky enough to have him around. You truly didn’t know where you would be without him.

“Thanks” you says softly as you grabs the TV remote “Let’s watch something, i need to get that moment off my head”

“How about Star-” Jack begging to say

“I'm not watching Star Wars again” you cut off like always.

He laughs, rolling his eyes and grabs his drink from the center table. The two of you spent the day watching an X-men marathon, eating whatever was left in the fridge and pantry, just like when you were kids. It was not until noon, on the third film, when the silence was broken. Jack looked over at you and smiled sadly.

“I’m worried,” he confesses “Press tour stars tomorrow, and it’s supposed to be this amazing thing where you guys have fun and get to introduce the world to this new season but… i'm scared its gonna get ruined by Ruby’s stupid comments and bullshit”

You sigh knowing very well what he ment. Last week you got informed that you were sadly paired with Ruby for the interviews. Since you were a brand new character and never actually done a press tour for anything, the producers had decided to pair you with someone who already has experience with interviews, and apparently the universe thought that you and Ruby would make a great pair.

“I’ll survive” you says blankly shoving a cockie into your mouth “Plus, we are spending the day talking with other people, so i hope it won't be that bad”

“If anything happens you call me, okay?” He raises his hand and points up his pinky. This is some stupid thing you use to do when you were kids, but every now and then he would bring it back

“Promise” you link your pinkie with his and tightly squeeze them.

─── ∘°❉°∘ ───

From the moment you woke up at 7 am, a heavy pressure chest seemed to be placed roughly. Started when you got out of bed and followed along to the moment you got into the tall building where the interviews were being made. Your very strict assistant, Lola, told you the plan for the day as they were shown the small break room, where you had to change and put on the interview outfit. It was a light blue and white dress that looked very 60s, some pearl earrings and a necklace that matched. Sometimes an outfit can change your entire mood, so once you were dressed up, you couldn’t help but feel just a bit better. Then the make up artist came in and started applying some soft natural makeup that consisted of blushy cheeks and a soft eyeliner. But even after that, there was still something tense and heavy on your chest that didn’t seem to want to leave you alone. You walked out of the break room, into the place where you would spend the next 7 hours answering questions. You wave hello to everyone on set as the man starts putting on the mic pack on you and checking if your makeup looks good under the lights. You then sat on the chair and took out your phone from the pocket on the dress to see a message from your brother, Jack.

Annoying older brother: Good luck!!

Annoying older brother: Remember our promise, call me if anything happens

You smile and just type back an eye rolling emoji as a response. You put down her phone once you felt someone sitting next to you, and softly reminded yourself where you were and the way you were supposed to behave. The silence took over the room as you left your phone under your leg. You looked over to your right to see Ruby. She looked nice. She was wearing an oversized red blouse and a white jacket, and her hair was messy.

“Hi” You greets softly with a small wave

Ruby looks at you, nods shortly and looks away.

You tried to take the response in a less personal way, looking away and trying to swallow the anxiety away. But once the young interviewer arrives, and Ruby literally stands up to shake his hand and greet him, it becomes more than personal to you. You stood up too, to shake his hands and greet him as he got ready for the interview. They haven’t even started and you were already fiddling with the hem of your dress nervously, like a child.

“Well Ruby, Y/n, I just want to thank you for giving us another season of Willow. We are truly excited to see not only the adventure you go on now, but the new characters as yourself y/n”

You just smiled and nodded in response.

“Now how does it feel to join such a magical and close family, how have they treated you?” The interviewer asked as he shuffled with his cards

What a perfect question.

“It's truly been a gift” you starts, your voice being slightly weak but you quickly clears your throat and begin again “I grew up huge George Lucas fan and honestly at first I was truly terrified of joining the cast and crew, but they really have received me with… open arms” Your words slightly bitter. You notice how Ruby looked at you from the side, clearly noticing your reference “It’s been such a dream come true, really”

The interviewer nodded and read the next card in hand “Now giving to much away, what can you tell us about this new season”

“Well” Ruby stars, with a hand on her jaw “There’s definitely a lot more action. Me and y/n actually have a lot of scenes together where we had so much fun! And the adventures this season are-”

You could hear Ruby speaking but it was like your mind just stopped listening

“...So much fun!”

Her voice ringed in your head again, as your thoughts ran crazy. You couldn't remember a single time you had “fun” with Ruby on set. Actually, you can clearly remember that every fight scene you had together was actually hell, since Ruby had past training and it seemed so easy for her to just pick up on choreography. Every time you got a move wrong or stumbled on the fight, Ruby would roll her eyes and sigh frustrated. Every single scene together was hell for both of them, and Ruby just said they had “So much fun”?

The anxiety in your chest started to slowly become fury, and the confusion of why would Ruby ever lie in an interview if not needed completely took over your thoughts. Your ears turned warm and you fisted her left hand, digging your white painted nail into your palm.

“Right Y/n?” Ruby looked at you and gave you a tight and clearly fake smile. It was obvious from the stare that you were supposed to follow along with her lie

“Yeah” you nod, trying to smile at the interviewer “So much… fun!”

The guy bought it clearly as he continued with his vague and irrelevant questions. As Ruby answered most of them, you just sat back, thinking about Ruby’s words. Every now and then you would nod your head, agree, or even let out a fake laugh, but never really truly talk much. The interviewer didn’t seem to mind, and so you just stayed silent.

“Maybe I wasn't gonna be as okay as I thought I was gonna be” You thought to herself as you fiddled with the ring on your finger. You wished you could be back in your apartment, with your brother, watching stupid movies and laughing like idiots at the simplest things.

“Last question before I leave,” the man announces as he looks at his watch, checking the time “Yesterday, we interviewed Tony and Erin and they told us of the wrapping party you guys had at your house, Ruby. Do you guys have any funny or just stupid memories of that night?”

You cluelessly, tilt your head and look at Ruby who laughs as she clearly knows what he’s talking about.

“Oh my god! The wrapping party was so much fun!” she claps her hands softly, as you stare completely clueless “So yeah, after almost a year of shooting the second season, I invited the cast and crew to the house i was renting, to have a kind of a goodbye party or something but…a funny memory? Oh yeah! We ordered pizza, but I'm talking about tons of pizza, and we made this… kind of tower? We stackled them up until we literally had to get on top of each other to put on the next, and that was honestly so much fun” she said “or when me, Dempsey, Amar and Tony did like a weird karaoke battle? That was fun too”

Something inside of you started to crack slowly. Your head spinning with bullet-like thoughts that seemed to kill every grasp from reality you held. A wrapping party? With cast and crew? With everybody? When was this? Why weren't you invited? Ruby said it was at the end of filming and that was 6 months ago, and you were finding about this now? And then it hit you like a truck. Of course you weren't invited. You were new. You barely knew the cast, got a year too late to the family, of course they were not gonna invite you. The anxiety inside your chest started to rise, stopping right at your throat.

“Tony mentioned it yesterday!” The man laughs “And you y/n?” he then asks you “any favorite memories of that night?”

Ruby turned to look at you and it felt like her gaze left you under pure pressure. It felt like her blue eyes were burned into your head and made the anxiety get even worse. Your fisted hand grew sweaty as you swallowed roughly.

“I-” the words wouldn’t come out but you just tried again doing your best to look as normal as possible “Yeah… The karaoke battle was crazy fun”

The man behind camera yelled cut, the interviewer then excused himself as in came the assessor to come touch up the makeup, outfits and mics. But before anyone could even get close to you, you marched quickly straight to the small break room where you got ready. You closed the door and ran to the desk filled with water bottles. You took one, twisted it open harshly and started chugging the cold water. You could feel it run down your body, but that didn’t seem to help. You took it off your mouth and breathed heavily and quickly, leaving the water bottle with the rest. The first thing that came into mind was texting your brother, so you looked around the room for your phone, moving the cushions and bags.

Three knocks came from the door and then someone just opened it. Ruby came in looking quite weirded out by the mess you were making. She closed the door, causing you to turn around to see Ruby staring at her.

“Ruby” you stammered “I- I thought you were-”

“The interviewer is late” she said coldly “They gave us a break”

“Yeah sorry, I was just looking for my pho-”

“I don’t care” she snapps back

You just nod and bite your lip harshly trying to push back any stupid emotions. You were an actress for god sake, why couldn’t you just fake your emotions. Why can’t you act as if Ruby’s word didn’t mean a single thing. It was so overwhelming that your face clearly started growing warm and Ruby clearly seemed to notice.

“What’s wrong?” She said as she left her purse on the couch, her voice sounded quite genuine instead of annoyed “why are you crying?”

You turns around towards the dresser with a mirror, to see the soft mascara running down your cheek

“Shit!” you swore under your breath, swiping the tear away leaving the black mascara smeared across your face “Shit! Lola gonna kill me” you then ran towards the small bathroom to grab some toilet paper and placed it under the water tab to start trying to clean it away. Your soft swipes turned harsh as the stain on her face didn’t want to leave. If Lola saw you like this, she would be pissed for screwing up her first ever interview “Fuck!”

“Heyheyhey'' Ruby said, grabbing your wrist and stopping the wet toilet paper from slapping your face. Her touch was probably meant to be sweet, but instead it came out quite harsh since her grip on your wrist was quite strong. "Water's not gonna work, it's probably waterproof, just…” Ruby let’s go of you to pushed her hair back with a sigh “Seat on the toilet, let me get some make up remover”

You let go of the wet toilet paper and left it on the sink. Then you sat down on the toilet seat, as tears started to fall down your face. You pushed your hands into your face, completely ashamed of yourself. Your first interview ever and you ended fucking crying in the bathroom

Ruby walked back into the room with a bottle of make up remover and cottons on her hand.

“Come on” she says coldly “We don’t know when the interviewer is arriving” She then kneels in front of you and starts to place some of the liquid on the cotton ball.

“Why did you say that?” You ask in between the tears. It was clear that Ruby was trying her hardest to look away, avoiding your gaze but before she even think of it, you spoke “Why did you say any of that when you know that shit isn’t fucking true”

“I-” she began

“What did I ever do to you?” Your voice broke while speaking. It felt like the anxiety inside of you gripped you tightly making it impossible to even let the words out

Ruby freezes and blinks a few times. She then leaves the bottle on the floor a bit too strongly as she looks back up at you with a frustrated sigh. Her frown is lowered and her looks became a deathly glare.

“Nothing” she says simply taking the cotton in her hand and move it close to your face

“Then why do you ignore me? Why do you always look at me like I'm a bother? Why didn’t you fucking invite me to the wrapping party?” You move your hand away from your face, trying to have a conversation

“Because…” she said before swallowing “Because i…” Her words never really leading anywhere

“Because what?! What Ruby?” The tears that once where on your cheeks where now running down your neck

Ruby shook her head and she stood up and dusted off her pants clearly bothered. She shook her head, her hair swishing perfectly.

“I can’t do this right now” she says walking out the small bathroom with an tired huff “I’m gonna get some air”

You stood up and followed behind her, your slingback heels clacking against the floor

“Ruby!” you call out frustrated “Answer me, please”

Ruby turned and it was clear she was mad, and it was written all over her face. On the way she pursed lips in disgust, in the way her eyebrows met harshly on top of her eyes, on the way cheeks were red and her eyes dead serious. On the way her chest was out proudly and her hands were fisted in the same way your’s were a few moments ago.

“Because…” she says, completely stone cold, and her head tilted to the side “Because you’re… fuck!” her fist raised and shaking in rage as tried to find her words

You took a careful step back, lower lip slightly quivering. Ruby didn’t have to say a word, because you knew, you knew what she meant. You knew everything. You were annoying, you are not part of the cast.

Ruby groaned as she ran her hand through the hair. Then she walked toward you, her steps firm and commanding, intimidating every bone in your body, making you walk backwards completely scared of what might happen now. You walked back to the small bathroom, till you hit the wall. You tried to press yourself against the wall as much as possible, closing your eyes and raising both of her hands, in defense.

Ruby was barely a few inches away, looking at you as you trembled nervously against the wall. Everything seems to be going from bad to worse, and it didn’t help the fact that you were shivering like a scared cat. The short haired girl sighed, placing both of her hands in her face, groaning loudly. You opened a single eye, to see your co-star. Ruby removed her hands from her face to look back at you, both of your eyes locked in. And it was then when you felt her warm lips on top of her. Ruby was grabbing your jaw as she pushed you back against the wall. You froze in place and did not reciprocate the kiss, even though something new inside you roared into life.

Ruby stopped and then separated your lip, to look up at you with your eyes wide open in fear. Ruby inhaled completely terrified as her face turned white.

“Oh my god” She whispered “I am so-”

Ruby interrupted when both of your arms wrapped around her, your chest and shaking lips against hers. At first it was really weird for you. Kissing a girl was different… new. Feeling something for a girl was… new. It took a few seconds for the two of you to melt into the kiss, softly placing your hands around each other, softly caressing and touching each other as much as they could. The kiss was salty with your tears, but sweet with Ruby’s cherry chapstick.

“Guys! The interviewer is here!” Lola yelled as she knocked loudly on the break room door. Her voice quickly made you freeze, stopping the kiss, and turning your once melted warm body to stiff and cold.

Ruby looked back at you, opening her eyes softly to find a single tear falling off of your face. It was like looking at a wax figure. pale and completely frozen in place. The knocks kept pounding against the door so the short girl ran towards it and told Lola they are just talking some stuff and that they will be right back out. You, who snapped back from the pure fear of someone finding you with a girl, reacted and quickly picked up the cotton with makeup remover and wiped it hard against your cheeks.

You were just kissed. By Ruby. Ruby who ignored you for months, Ruby who can’t stand you. Ruby who is… a girl. A girl just kissed you. You kissed a girl. What’s that supposed to mean? Are you gay now? Did you like girls? What about boys? What if someone found out about this? What if her parents found out about her kissing a girl? What if they hated her?

What if Jack hated her?

Before your anxieties turned into catastrophic realities, Ruby came back to the bathroom and stood closely to you. She softly placed her hands on your jaw and moved your face till you were facing her, and no longer the mirror. She took the cotton from your fingertips hand and started swiping it on your cheek and under eye softly, petting and cleaning the black ink from your face. To say you were confused, was to say the least. When you arrived at the building, you swore that Ruby hated you like no one else in the world, but now, she was treating you like one would treat their romantic partner. It didn’t make sense, the sudden change but neither did the strong beating of your heart. By having Ruby’s warm and gentle hand on your jaw, cupping your face carefully and tenderly, it made your heart naturally calm down and made you head grow fuzzy. The soft brush of the cotton in her only made you gaze into an even more peaceful state.

“Done” Ruby said letting go of your face and throwing away the cotton ball “Let’s go”

You wake up from the cold air hitting your cheek and you quickly step back to create some distance between the two of you. You swiped your nose with the back of your hands and looked at the floor nervously. Ruby opened her voice to speak, but you quickly ran out the bathroom and the break room to where a young woman was sitting waiting for you guys. You go to sit on your chair, to find your phone, which you quickly grabbed and texted Jack

Snarky little sister: Hey

Snarky little sister: U were right

Snarky little sister: Can you come pick me up? plz?

Snarky little sister: I really don’t need a car ride back with her

Snarky little sister: i finish a 6

You sent your location and turned off your phone and shoved it under your leg like before. At least you weren’t crying anymore, and with the bit of makeup the assessor just applied, made you now look decent.

The rest of the day was a blur. It was interviews after interview. The same questions being asked over and over. Eventually there was a lunch break where you decided to lock yourself in the bathroom and eat your lunch on your own to drown out the confusing feeling bubbling inside of you. Ruby knocked a few times and tried to talk to you, but you couldn’t even process her words. Every time she tried to talk to you, you would walk away or tried to mutter a “not now” under your breath. These new feelings and emotions felt like bricks under you. The possible reaction from your family made you tremble with pure fear. And the questions the journalist asked her over and over again just made her look like a broken record, repeating over and over the same phrase.

After 6 hours in the same room, you were finally able to leave. Lola tried to talk to you, her tone scary and stern as she scolded you, but you just grabbed your bag and left for the elevator. Even though everything you were wearing wasn't technically yours, you couldn’t bother to change, you couldn’t bear another second in that room with Ruby and with all of those people with their eyes on you. So you just left. Once in the lobby, you saw a text from jack.

Annoying older brother: I'm a few blocks away, wait for me inside

And so you did. You waited in the lobby, tapping your shows anxiously against the marble floor, making it echo around the room. There was a ding from behind you, and you see Ruby, in different clothes, walking quickly up to you. Your airways seemed to close as you turned around and started walking even faster away from her.

“Y/n!” Lola screamed “the car hasn't arrived yet, where are you going?” she looked up from her phone, shaking her disappointment “The chauffeur is 5 minutes away!”

You turned around, walking back carefully not to trip. You tried your best no to meet Ruby’s eye as you simply shook your head.

“Jack came to pick me up” you yell loud enough for everyone to hear, but it was clear that your voice was weak and on the edge of cracking “I’m leaving with him, i'll text you when i get home”

Then Ruby started walking faster and calling you names, to catch up with you, but you left the building and made yourself to the street. You then saw your brother's blue jeep and you quickly jumped in and left. On the rearview mirror you could see Ruby staring back at you, as the car took off quickly, her figure became smaller til she was barely visible.

Jack quickly placed his hand on your knee, and the touch on itself was enough to make you burst into tears once again. You cover your mouth in disappointment of your previous actions. Your sobs soon got louder than the radio, completely drowning all the noise around them. The fingertips on your mouth shaking as you could softly still taste Ruby’s stupid cherry chapstick.

─── ∘°❉°∘ ───

#ruby cruz #ruby cruz x reader #ruby cruz bottoms #ruby Cruz fanfic #ruby Cruz angst #hazel callahan #hazel callahan x reader #willow 2022 #kit tanthalos #kit tanthalos x reader #tanthamore #my writting #ruby jean cruz

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scph1001 · 24 days ago

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played persona 4 golden.

review on backloggd and under the cut

Persona 4 Golden is a bumbling mess. It is a game about truth, but this truth coincides with societal expectations and standards. Inaba exists as an example of how rumors and lies can dilute a town, but these rumors are pushed out of the main plot the moment they become irrelevant.

The gameplay is lethargic and tedious. The story is obnoxious and cruel.

- KANJI Yukiko’s arc shows the first cracks in P4G’s narrative, but Yukiko is difficult to discuss without the context of the entire game. Kanji’s depiction is troubling from the start.

Kanji is introduced through an unflattering TV report and word of mouth. Overall, he is a punk and a nuisance. Once you get closer to him, you start to see that he is much less hardened and scary than he and others let on.

You also learn Kanji is is becoming distressed over his attraction to another boy in town. This leads Kanji to overcompensate and assume the people around him are all looking down on him.

Before going into someone's dungeon in P4G, there will be an investigation segment. These are often a bad utilization of time on P4G’s part. From previous discussions you know that people throughout the town view Kanji as a punk, through your investigation you learn that Kanji reacts poorly to being called odd or strange.

Kanji’s shadow is a very apparent homophobic stereotype. He is feminine, sexual, and only interested in men. The party views him as a joke. When telling Kanji to accept his shadow as a part of himself Yosuke does not even try to hide his disgust and admits that Kanji’s apparent attraction in men is shameful and something that Yosuke would struggle to get over.

Yosuke, Chie, and Yukiko’s shadows are framed as exaggerated emotions that exist inside themselves. It is true that Yosuke is bored of his life, that Chie latches onto her friend but also envies her, and that Yukiko wants to run away. Kanji’s shadow operates differently: his shadow exists as something he would never want to become. Kanji beats his shadow down, but he says he accepts it. This has numerous bad connotations given that his shadow was a gay stereotype and that the rest of the game is spent making fun of Kanji.

Kanji: “It ain't a matter of guys or chicks… I’m just scared shitless of being rejected.”

After P4G enforces as many harmful ideas as it can, Kanji turns to the camera and states that this is not a matter of his sexuality, he is simply scared of being rejected.

Kanji’s shadow does make a comment about how he does not like girls because they make fun of him. Later Kanji will go into more detail about how girls would make fun of him for sewing and knitting.

The sole reason you are given for why people do not like Kanji is that he causes trouble. As the player, you know he feels shame for his attraction to another boy.

It can be inferred that Kanji did face this harassment from his female classmates due to how he presents and guards himself, and this is an aspect of himself that he is hiding, but after the intense focus on his sexuality it feels like an avoidant turn.

Even as a narrative about Kanji facing discrimination due to his “girlish” hobbies, P4G still falls flat. Kanji continues to hide his love of sewing and is bullied by the people around him.

It is interesting to say that women specifically target him with homophobia. This was done so they could have an excuse for Kanji not liking women that was not because he was gay, but this is a weighty statement in P4G. For the rest of the game, Kanji will face harassment from his teammates, the brunt of which is done by Yosuke, who is not a girl.

After this moment with Kanji, it became apparent that anytime Persona 4 needed an overly mean minor character to be cruel in a heavy-handed way, on screen or theoretical, it would constantly be a female character, with exceptions for Morooka and the TV producer who harasses Yukiko in her SLINK. This may be a strange point to bring up now, but it is incredibly interesting in the context of P4G as a whole and we can wrap back to it later.

P4G crafted a story about Kanji accepting his sexuality, went through with making Kanji’s shadow a homophobic stereotype throughout the dungeon for “humor” and shock factor, and at the last moment they backed out and proposed that Kanji is facing bullying, from his female peers specifically, because he has "feminine hobbies".

Kanji is not gay until P4G needs a punching bag, and that is what's upsetting about Kanji’s character. He is full of stereotypes about gay men, and the final stereotype of them all is that he is not gay, just insecure.

P4G can be as cruel as it wants, and if you want to complain about the obvious moments of cruel bigotry, you are an idiot who is misunderstanding the words of the characters.

When Kanji spends the rest of the game as a victim of numerous homophobic abuses, it is apparent that Kanji’s words are a vehicle for the writers’ homophobia. It does not matter if Kanji states that his insecurities do not come from his sexuality when Kanji is battered with the same targeted jokes repeatedly.

Kanji’s treatment throughout P4G casts doubt on the game’s messages of truth and companionship. P4G cannot reach the truth on Kanji’s character as he needs to fill different roles depending on the situation. In serious moments Kanji is building up courage to be honest about his hobbies, but at any other point he is the victim of harassment from the people around him.

RISE P4G proposes that Rise is different from how she acts on TV; Yosuke even comments on this directly after meeting her. When talking to Rise at the start of her arc she has an moody disposition. The disconnect is apparent as this is not an idol’s attitude.

Rise’s dungeon is set up as the discrepancy between her idol and real self, but upon entering the game focuses on sexualizing Rise as much as possible. The dungeon is a strip club, but P4G does not have anything to say about the sexualization of idols, they just want to put their fifteen-year-old character in sexual situations for fun.

Her shadow runs around implying that she is going to do a strip show, and the male characters express excitement at the prospect of witnessing it. You could argue this is one of the disconnects between Rise and her idol self. It will be discussed that this is not the case, but P4G's true intentions are quite clear when it introduces Rise through a TV swimsuit ad.

At the end of Rise’s dungeon she declares that there is no real version of herself. Her, her shadow, and Risette exist simultaneously.

Rise’s shadow and awakening makes little sense in the overall concept of her character. You are told at the start of her arc that there is a disconnect between Rise and Risette, and you see this as her attitude is less cheerful. She never acts this way for the rest of the game. There is no disconnect between Rise and Risette because Rise is P4G's perfect idol.

She talks in a high voice, she cannot fight, she is constantly cheerful, she is obsessed with the nothing player character and wants his attention at all times, and she is extremely forward. Aside from her moody attitude at the start, you are never shown how there is any difference at all between Rise and Risette. Risette is not a part of Rise, she is Rise. There is a true form of Rise, and she acts like it all the time.

The one thing Rise has going for her is her repeated insistence that she would not like to be an idol anymore during her SLINK. This is made null. After being hounded by former managers and teased by the prospect of another idol taking her place, Rise decides to return to her work. This is framed as her deciding Risette will always be a part of her, but it just feels like she is doing what everyone wants her to do, which is especially cruel in the context of how troubling it is to be a young idol in the real world.

Rise deciding to return to her idol work is not an inherently a bad plot beat, but it is a bad turn for her already nothing character, and in the context of P4G it is questionable.

Despite being a game about finding truth and changing, the main cast of P4G never changes, and if they do, it’s so they can conform better or to please the people around them.

Yukiko has an arc that is similarly bad within the context of P4G. During her SLINK Yukiko starts studying to get a job outside of Inaba. Her passion for moving out of the city is the most complex Yukiko’s character gets, but in the end, she decides to stay in Inaba and continue to run her family’s inn.

On a deeper level, P4G frames Yukiko's desire to choose her own life as selfish and immature, which is troubling on its own. Her shadow communicates that moving away is something that Yukiko truly wants, and the inn is a role that has been imposed on Yukiko since birth. It is unfair to frame Yukiko’s story as her finding the truth within herself when she is putting herself aside to make others happy.

Yukiko and Rise are both characters that are at their best when they decide to make a change, but these changes are backtracked. These are not inherently bad plotlines, but they are a smoking gun in P4G.

It is serendipitous for multiple party members to decide that any changes they have wanted to make were done with false pretenses and that they are most happy to return to their singular, marketable, defining trait that ATLUS can milk for years.

Dojima’s SLINK, which focuses on his tendency to run away from his duties as a father in an attempt to protect Nanako and avenge her mother, ends with him running off from Nanako once again so he can do overtime work; it feels like a joke. Any major character change is reserved for minor SLINK characters. It’s nice that Shu finally got to do what makes him happy, it would be nice to see meaningful change take place in the main plot as well.

Rise feels like one of the most nothing characters Persona has put to paper. What hope was there? Rise cannot be different from her idol self since characters in Persona revolve around being as perfect to the player as possible, especially for the young girl characters.

NAOTO Naoto is one of the few times P4G accurately showcases how people around Inaba feel about a character rather than relying solely on faceless NPC’s. Dojima directly informs the party that the police force is getting fed up with Naoto and views him as a problem due to his age.

Moving into his dungeon, the focus is his desire to be older so he can be taken more seriously, but you also learn that he is pretending to be a man and is doing so to fit his perfect image of a detective.

At the end of his dungeon, Naoto accepts that he is a woman, and he will choose to continue his life as a female detective. P4G’s message might seem to be “Men and women are equal, Naoto is just as competent as a female detective”, but that is an assumption that can only be made when viewing P4G with an unfair amount of goodwill.

Shortly after Kanji joins the party, their school's first year and second year students go on a camping trip with each other. Famously during this trip Yosuke claims that Kanji only wants to be around him and Yu so Kanji can sexually assault them. Yosuke explicitly states he would be scared to death to share a tent with Kanji.

During this event Kanji ends up in the girl’s tent so the girls stay in Yosuke and Yu’s tent. The next day Yosuke tells the girls that they owe him and should wear swimsuits as payback so he can be a creep and watch them.

Yosuke: “You know, you two still owe us… Oh, I see how it is. We put up with your dinner, we save you from King Moron, and you won't even have some fun with us in the river.”

This moment is where it becomes most obvious where Yosuke and P4G's homophobia comes from. In P4G the female characters are repeatedly put into sexual situations for the male characters. To be a woman in P4G means being sexually harassed. P4G, with Yosuke as their mouthpiece, are extremely uncomfortable with homosexual men because the spotlight is shined back onto them and they are expected to be treated as they treat women. They are put into a woman’s position.

P4G loves masculinity. Due to the unnamed and unshown swarms of teen girls making fun of Kanji for feminine hobbies, it is known that P4G wants Kanji’s arc to be about how Kanji can like sewing and still be masculine. The message is not that it’s okay for Kanji to like “feminine hobbies”. It is directly that he can still maintain his manliness while doing so.

Kanji’s arc is made moot by P4G dangling masculinity in front of Kanji and asking him to prove himself repeatedly. Even one of Rise’s battle quotes pertains to calling Kanji manly, because P4G is obsessed with masculinity.

Shortly after Naoto’s arc, after Yosuke forcibly signs the girls up for a beauty pageant, the boys in turn are signed up for a drag competition. There is a unique focus on how unfair and cruel this is for the boys: the girls should be able to put up with the beauty pageant and be sexually harassed, but to turn this back to the boys around them is too far.

NPC: “Dude, it's terrifying… I can just imagine someone like him sitting across from me on a train!”

The drag show itself is P4G's absolute low point. The audience of their classmates laugh hysterically and express extreme terror in the concept of a trans woman existing. P4G proudly shows with its chest the kind of attitudes that get trans women killed in the streets.

It is paramount to note that the drag contest is not just transphobic, but specifically transmisogynist. Naoto’s masculinity is framed as a sad rejection, but never disgusting. Even within the contest itself, Naoto wins the woman’s beauty contest because the students of Yasogami were attracted to Naoto’s androgyny.

Naoto “wanting to be a man” is a misguided quirk, while the existence of a trans woman is terrifying in P4G’s eyes. Once again P4G comes to the conclusion that masculinity is above all else; this does not coincide well with Naoto’s arc.

Yosuke: “There's nothing manly about being a woman! I seriously refuse…”

Outside of overarching examples, P4G directly disparages the point of Naoto’s arc the first chance it gets.

Yosuke: “But uh, Naoto… If you were that calm when it happened to you, could you not have, you know… I'm not saying you shoulda caught him, but isn't it kinda sad for an ace detective to go down that easily…?”

Yukiko: “It can't be helped. None of us could resist the culprit, either. Don't forget, Naoto-kun is younger than us, and she's a girl.”

Naoto was a model victim; he remembered numerous details about his kidnapping and reported them in a formal manner. Despite this Yosuke goes out of his way to make fun of Naoto and imply that Naoto has failed as a detective, and Yukiko interjects and states that Naoto would have not been able to do much more because he is a young girl.

This undermines whatever point Naoto’s arc had about accepting that he is a young female detective. It’s hard to view this moment as a one off joke when P4G has repeatedly reinforced that it thinks women are less than.

It’s not that being a woman does not make Naoto less of a detective, because P4G does think being a woman makes you less than a man. So, what is the point? That Naoto should lick his wounds and accept being a woman since that is the “truth”?

To move away from Naoto as a potential feminist message: Naoto was likely not made with the intentions of being a transgender character, but through his character P4G communicates transphobic beliefs.

Naoto: “But though I will one day change from a child to an adult, I will never change from a woman to a man"

The truth of Naoto’s story that P4G presents is that he does not actually want to be a man and that he just wants to avoid misogyny in his field. There is a deeper implication that gender itself is the truth and any attempt to change it, to transition, would be a lie, which is a transphobic concept.

Naoto’s line about how he could be an adult, but he could never be a man is heartbreaking and bleak. It would have been a strong line from a transgender character as it properly gets across the despondent and hopeless state dysphoria can put a person in, but in P4G? Naoto could be a man if he wanted. That would not be running from the “truth”, if anything that would be reaching the truth and seeking out a better life.

Even if P4G was unaware of transgender issues, which seems a bit unlikely given how much Naoto’s shadow references sexual reassignment surgery, viewing gender as a truth undercuts Naoto’s decision to start presenting as his biological gender. Naoto is no longer given agency in choosing how to live his life, he is just going along with the “truth” constructed for him at birth.

There are ways to write a female character who wants to be a man to avoid misogyny. It is hard to do without transphobic implications, because it is a common belief that trans men are just trying to avoid the hard parts of being a woman, but it can be done.

It was a smart choice to focus on how detective media influenced Naoto and lead him to believe that he would be unable to live up to his dreams if he was not a man. Besides that point, though, Naoto expresses extreme discomfort in being a woman. This is something that is heavily brought to light in P4G since P4G loves making Naoto uncomfortable and dysphoric.

If Naoto is in the scene, and if it is Naoto’s turn to be humiliated, it will be pointed out that he secretly has a larger chest. After years of “pretending to be a man” Naoto is going to be uncomfortable with “womanly” aspects of his body. In these scenes, Naoto is being sexually harassed and discomfort is a normal response, but P4G repeatedly targets him with this. P4G gets a thrill out of pointing out Naoto’s body to himself. His body is a “truth” that he can never change.

For a final note on intentions, it really does not matter if Naoto was meant to fill a transphobic purpose, because his arc, as a theoretical transgender character, fits into P4G perfectly. If they had intentionally made Naoto transgender, his arc would take a similar path.

This theoretical doesn’t need to be questioned given the previously mentioned drag contest. Within P4G’s narrative it may be truthful that Naoto “doesn’t really want to be a man”, but the drag contest broadcasts complete disgust at the concept of someone wanting to be the opposite gender for the sole reason of being the opposite gender.

The truth only matters in P4G if it fits the writers’ worldview, otherwise it must be beaten down and rejected. Trans women make the writers uncomfortable, so they portray their existence as a falsehood. A narrative about truth is worth nothing if it cannot accept truths that harm its status quo.

To talk about Naoto as both a feminist and unintended transgender character, there are issues on all fronts. After his arc he would have not had to change his presentation. Naoto choosing to wear the clothes he likes would not go against his story of accepting being a woman, as there is no set definition of what it means to be a woman. P4G does have strict expectations for women, and to prove himself, Naoto must try to be “girlish”.

If you choose to romance Naoto in his SLINK, he will ask if the pitch of his voice bothers you and if he should change it. If you say Naoto should do what he prefers, he is thankful and keeps his voice as is. If you say you want him to talk in a higher pitch, he compiles but is nervous about it. He says something about how he can grow to like himself, but this is clearly an act for the player as part of their romance.

Naoto: “You said you liked it when I spoke with a higher voice… So, I figured I should look more like a girl…”

If Naoto visits the player on Christmas, he will bring along a girl's school uniform. He wears it but is extremely uncomfortable. Nearly every time that Naoto “tries being a girl” on screen it is for the “enjoyment” of the player in a romantic context, which is disgusting.

As a feminist message, Naoto’s arc fails as P4G views men and women in separate spheres. To P4G, gender is a truth that cannot be changed. To be a female you must fulfill specific roles and act in specific ways.

ADACHI

During the investigation to find the true killer, you talk to nearly every single person in the town, and no one has anything important to say. With the few hints you have, and the list of characters you are given, it feels more like “well it has to be Adachi” rather than an actual exciting moment.

P4G wants to ride an unfortunate line of being a mystery game, but not making the culprit too apparent. This trepidation bars P4G from hitting the highs it could have as a mystery game. The only exciting bit of evidence is Adachi’s reaction to Namatame’s journal.

In the grand scope of the game this is a minor issue, but it is frustrating to see P4G labeled as a detective game when it is a surface level view into the genre. The investigation segments do not provide concrete or engaging information, they largely exist as fluff.

For Adachi himself, having a villain fully motivated by boredom and abuse of power can work in this situation, especially given the context that Adachi is a police officer. Adachi could have been an interesting character.

The party in P4G is extremely haphazard: most characters joined because they got kidnapped once, or because they fell in the TV in Junes. Naoto is actively involved in the mystery, Yosuke is emotionally involved due to Saki, and Yukiko is involved as Amagi Inn is tied to the murder. Naoto is the only character with strong grounding; Yukiko is barely entangled, and Yosuke’s motivation being his fridged love interest is a weak point given P4G’s overall treatment of women.

Everyone else in the party is just along for the ride. This is unfortunate as these characters could have been used to better reinforce P4G’s themes on rumors and truth or to further elaborate on Adachi. Of course they do something for these themes during their introductions, but after the fact, less is done.

Yu and Yosuke are the party's only direct ties to Adachi. Yosuke’s shadow draws a noticeably clear parallel to Adachi, both are bored misogynists seeking out thrills. P4G never directly draws to this connection or uses it as a meaningful way to improve Yosuke’s character, so it must be assumed that this was either unintended or not handled to its full potential.

That leaves Yu as the only major Adachi connection. It is good to connect the player to the villain, but Yu is largely a plot device instead of a character. Adachi needs more footing besides Yu.

Adachi is a good concept, but he serves little in P4G. Adachi is a violent misogynist; he is an incel even if that word was not on ATLUS’s mind. His character is barely a statement on misogynist men. P4G never makes any interesting comments on Adachi’s misogynist actions, he just calls women “bitches and whores”, and you are left to fill in the blanks. That is troublesome for P4G, because P4G thinks women are bitches and whores.

Women in P4G are repeatedly sexually assaulted, and if P4G needs a mean minor character, it will consistently be a woman. P4G does not like women in the slightest. So, to have a violent misogynist villain, whose misogyny is only brought up during his acts of violence, does not sit well.

Furthermore, Adachi’s message that the people of Inaba want to ignore the truth is equally frustrating since P4G is not a game about truth, it is a game about doing what makes you fit in and what people expect of you.

Adachi only brings to light P4G’s inconsistent and harmful ideas on “truth” and repeat misogyny.

MARIE AND IZANAMI-NO-OKAMI AND INABA

Marie is an inoffensive character. Due to her arc the player will have to play P4G for an extra in game month, which can be upsetting, but as a whole Marie adds nothing of substance to P4G for better or for worse.

The dungeon in this section of the game does employs some interesting mechanics, which P4G is in a drought for. It is not much, but at least it is something.

P4G plays like Persona 3, which uses a rather uninteresting turn based combat system. At this point ATLUS was crafting elaborate and exciting systems for Shin Megami Tensei, but this was not extended to Persona just yet. It could be argued that P4G plays better than Persona 3 as it is easier and therefore less frustrating, but this is a point that will depend on personal preference.

During the end of P4G’s runtime, the pace becomes especially stagnant. January and half of February feature no mainline plot developments and the player is left to finish up their SLINKs. In the middle of February, Marie’s dungeon takes place, and then the player will jump to the last days of the game. On one of the final days all of the Izanami developments take place. At the end of P4G days are either empty, or contain entire arcs.

For a mystery game, Izanami is an exciting prospect: a moment where the heroes realized they were missing a key piece and there was a connection between it all. In P4G, it is much less exciting, because everyone started questioning if there was more to the case out of the blue.

Izanami is P4G’s attempt to further establish a message about the world’s blindness to truth, but this falls into similar pitfalls as Adachi.

Besides the obvious conflicting ideas, the theme of truth is handled with low grace, but better than most plot points. The fog in P4G is the most apparent symbol a Persona game has ever had, and it does not do anything groundbreaking with it besides offering a nice visual.

The fog does offer an example of rumors affecting truth in Inaba through the placebo poison fog. For a game that wants to make statements about truth and Inaba as a whole, it is a bit frustrating to reserve moments of rumors affecting the town in a widespread and tangible way for the end of the game. The fog does exist as a symbol for truth being obscured, but with P4G’s already weak examples of rumors in Inaba this circular reasoning serves a minuscule effect.

The Midnight Channel functions as a reflection of rumors around town. Within the main plot these rumors end the minute a dungeon is over. A character’s false perceptions of another never leads to turmoil or a dangerous situation within Inaba itself.

Yosuke is placed in a position where he is surrounded by rumors and is directly a villain of Inaba. His family owns the superstore that is taking away from small businesses. This is a good conflict, but after the start of the game this is only discussed in some of Yosuke and Noaki’s SLINKs. It would have been great to continue on this point and have people around Inaba not like Yosuke and to have the rumors affect the party’s investigations, but P4G does not have plot moments like that. Outside of the beginning and end of the game, each segment of the game will have full focus on one character. All discussions will be tied to that character with little room for developments on previous arcs.

Reserving character developments to SLINKs is a consistent issue Persona has had. It is good to save some moments for SLINKs to make them rewarding to complete, but P4G has multiple points of slowdown. There would have been room for side content to be placed in the main plot and it would have furthered P4G’s themes on rumors and truth.

Overall, Inaba is an underutilized location and part of that is caused by the low amount of plot important side characters. In Persona 3 and Persona 5, each arc has a handful of characters that support that arc’s main purpose. In the Kamoshida arc alone Ryuji, Ann, Mishima, Shiho, Shujin teachers, and Shujin students all communicate the concepts that Kamoshida is a bad person and abuse against women is allowed to continue because institutions will uphold bad men. Persona 3 has a smaller roster, but even it has an involved cast through Strega and the Kirijo group.

When P4G wants to make a point, it will have the party and maybe Dojima comment on something, and then have faceless NPCs make claims. Sometimes these claims barely correlate with what is going on with a character's dungeon or personal plot. There are numerous SLINK characters and party members that could have been deployed to tell minor plot points about the town and its relation to truth, but this is not done.

Inaba exists as an alluring troubled small town with nothing below its surface. Persona 3 and Persona 5 do a better job employing their NPCs and cities to display that people have become diluted and avoidant to the truth, and they are not the games with the main theme of truth.

P4G does not even need to add more characters, they just need to give the main party more to do and have more plot relevant NPC interaction. The Midnight Channel should lead to plot developments outside of the party’s personal stories.

If P4G was a better game, maybe the specifics on how well truth was applied in Inaba would not matter. In combination with the game’s frustrating developments of truth through the main party, the lack of substance within the town does not help explain and uphold P4G’s themes about society as a whole.

Final thoughts

At the end of P4G, when you see the party a year later as their grown selves, it is more apparent than ever how little they have changed. Yosuke is still terrible, Chie is doing whatever Chie does, Yukiko is running her family’s inn, and Rise is an idol. Kanji and Naoto have changed the most: they both take on a more typical and conformed appearance, and it is bleak.

P4G is a bad narrative with lackluster gameplay, and the game is both offensive and incompetent. The worst part of it all is the discussion surrounding P4G.

The characters within P4G are not real. They do not have their own wills and thoughts. They exist as an extension of the writer to communicate concepts. Do not take the characters’ words as fact, question the purpose beneath them. If you genuinely love the game as a piece of writing, then acknowledge that it did not come out of thin air.

There has been some discussion on how P4G's translation affects the game's quality. If there is a better form of P4G out there, that does not remedy any issues with the game’s writing. You can sit down and play the English version of Persona 4 Golden and it communicates poorly written and hurtful ideas whether it wants to or not. It is doubtful how much a bad translation could have affected P4G given how cruelty has its roots in its core.

There are numerous reasons as to why Persona 4 is the way that it is. None of these reasons make Persona 4 appear as something that did the best it could in an impossible situation. It was an asset flip made in two years and it's evident.

Some people try to pass off P4G's bigotry as just a byproduct of the culture it was made in. Women, fat people, gay people, and transgender people live in Japan. It is racist to imply that bigotry is an inherent part of Japanese culture.

Similarly, the time period P4G was created and should not affect any judgement made to it. People still talk about it today and accept the game’s explanations and characters at face value.

At the end of it all, it is hard to imagine what purpose Persona 4 fills. As discussed, the themes of truth are inconsistent and harmful. The mystery and location are half baked. The gameplay is weak and the story segments are not much better.

Persona games exist as a power fantasy where a person is allowed to have both otherworldly abilities and a flourishing social life. People love you in Persona 4, but they tear eachother apart in a way that is draining and terrible to be around. It’s just a cruel video game.

#2 #gahhh i spent awhile on this.. tube in everyone!!!#thank you greatly to sloane and chai for proof reading / bouncing around ideas

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avelera · 6 months ago

Note

hi! first off, i love your arcane meta, especially the jayce characterization and hextech details. you get it.

now second, (and feel free to ignore this wall of text for any reason):

if you're in the mood to talk about meta, i'm curious to hear your take on one season 2 thing that i've been scratching my head about

how much does post-anomaly jayce know about the future? my initial impression was that wizard viktor only told jayce what we see onscreen, and jayce was kind of improvising and trying his best without detailed knowledge of future events.

but some lines ("we're meant to lose this fight") and a comment from the artbook (post-anomaly jayce wearing armor bc he knows there is a battle coming) imply that he knows more than he lets on.

what's your (watsonian) take of jayce's knowledge of the future in season 2? is there any detail in the show that sheds some light on this?

i think jayce knowing or not knowing about certain events really recontextualises some scenes. is he following his own or wizard viktors plans? is he suprised about the events of act 3? i've been rotating this in my head but i'm not sure what interpretation i prefer.

Thank you so much!

As for your question, it's a really interesting one!

Unfortunately, I do think I need to start the answer with the Doylist one:

Jayce knows as much about the future as he needs to for the plot.

I think this is important to note because it informs an understanding of their choice not to show us him getting an exposition download of everything Wizard Viktor has worked out over the years as to how exactly Jayce can thread this needle of saving Viktor at exactly the right time.

Because, in theory, the amount of optimization could be infinite. It could get all the way down to, "Jayce needs to be scared into falling into this exact pit and spending no more than 3 months there because that gives him the suffering needed for his plea to Viktor to be heartfelt and informed by similar suffering, but not so long that Jayce goes insane from isolation."

Or even things like, "Ekko needs to go to the Happy Zaun universe or else he won't have the sympathy needed for him to prevent Jinx's suicide and without her present at the battle, one of Herald Viktor's mind-control arms snatches up Ekko too soon rather than grabbing Jinx instead, so he's not there to buy Jayce's those critical extra seconds for his appeal to True Love and also put a bomb in Herald Viktor's face."

That said....

I admit, part of me still sort of wishes that Jayce had been the one to go through multiple realities of optimizing, just because I think it answers... a few more questions? Like how did he suddenly get so comfortable with killing someone like Salo, if he wasn't fighting in other universes? Why does he look so aged if only 3-6 months passed? How does he know things like how exactly to get to Viktor's commune and the fact they're going to lose the fight, etc etc etc.?"

I think it would have been cool and very fitting for Jayce but I will admit, the story we got covers all of this too.

Jayce's aging could easily be the product of extreme hardship (I wouldn't be surprised if the animators referred to images of people who have been, say, stranded on desert islands or prisoners of war for long periods to inform just how much Jayce's face muscles wasted away while he was there and just how much extreme hardship can age you because it can be extreme even within a few months and between pain, starvation, dehydration, and magical gangrene, Jayce was going through it).

Jayce's comfort with the idea of killing Salo could just be a product of his hardship (killing and eating lizards with his bare hands lol yuck), or of understanding that assimilated people are already dead, effectively, and to stop that future he cannot hesitate at all. Also, maybe he just fucking hates that guy, which would be pretty understandable after Salo voted to banish him back in 1.02 and also is very funny to me, personally, that he was just a little more comfortable smooshing that particular Councilor than he would be literally anyone else.

And this is were I get to your question: how much does Jayce know? Presumably, if we go Watsonian, whatever Wizard Viktor believed he needed to know to actually thread this needle, because there's probably information he doesn't need to know too.

For example, Jayce might know:

He cannot let a Cultist get back to Viktor with Hexgems. Salo needs to go. Who knows what this prevented but I can easily see how Viktor having more power right now to prolong his healing/assimilation would be a bad thing regardless. Also just... having Salo at all as a potential power player that Viktor could work through.

He knows where the commune is. In theory, he probably could just ask someone in Zaun too I mean, I doubt it's a secret, and narratively we don't need to see that.

He knows he cannot under any circumstances let Viktor talk to him once they're face to face. He can't even look at Viktor after Viktor knows he's there. There's a heavy implication that if Cult Leader Viktor so much as smiles at him, Jayce will fold, if we believe the little flash of memory of Jayce remembering him smiling at him isn't just Dead Wive Vision but is actually Anomaly Future Jayce warning him about what happened to him to lead t that point, which I think is a baller theory.

He can't give into Viktor, ever. He can't let Viktor touch his forehead before the right time. Jayce fights like mad to get away from that robot once Viktor decides that Jayce will be his partner again or else.

He knows he needs to take all the Hexgems out of the base of the Hexgate, but is it to stop Viktor? Or is to buy a few extra seconds while Viktor plugs them back in again so that Ekko has time to wake up? This is the sort of thing where Wizard Viktor might know the real reason for something but doesn't need to get that granular with why because it's about buying time, not actually preventing the Herald from grabbing the Anomaly.

By the way, I have a theory that one reason Jayce needs to get the gem burned into his wrist is because there's universes where his bracelet gets cut off and he loses the gem so Wizard Viktor is like, "This is gonna suck, but you really need this thing embedded in your flesh so it's there at the right time." Though, it could also be so he can engage the magic in his Alt Universe hammer. Still, I am a little sad that it's not an effect of Jayce universe hopping where some battle got it burned into him, because that was my original theory and I'm still very partial to it.

Jayce knows that he has no chance of winning the fight, he just needs to survive it. Once he gets to the top of the tower, once he grasps the hammer, it's all over. From that point on, the only thing he can do is have faith and get his big Power of Love speech ready, that is his only chance.

As for what Jayce is surprised by, I do think he might have been told information but not shown it necessarily. I am still really sad we didn't get a visual of what Wizard Viktor told him but, at the same time, one of the fun parts of Arcane is that it doesn't spoon-feed us, which gives us the chance for discussions like this, so wanting that scene is me being a Jayce addict not because I think it would necessarily strengthen the story.

So I think Jayce doesn't know what Machine Herald Viktor looks like. It's possible that Wizard Viktor doesn't either, because that didn't happen to Wizard Viktor, he didn't get slowed down at the commune, Jayce probably joined him there and probably didn't fight him at all, there's a strong hint that Anomaly Universe Jayce surrendered to Viktor at the top of the tower (the explosion marks around him are behind him, which implies that the force of his conversion might have been in front and willing, like he was kneeling before his king, and we don't have the top of his head to know which direction the fingerprints are positioned in).

So basically, Machine Herald Viktor is a product of Viktor needing Singed to regain enough power to go get the Anomaly, which Wizard Viktor didn't need to do.

It's possible that Wizard Viktor doesn't know about Ekko, he just knows that something outside his awareness has to happen for MH Viktor to be caught off guard, and as MH Viktor says, "That device cannot be," he cannot in his infinite knowledge account for what happens in a world where Hextech never got beyond its infancy with Jayce and Viktor at the helm.

So, at a certain point, there may have been things that Jayce and Wizard Viktor just had to rely on faith to come about too.

But it's way more fun to speculate because I think we'd be punching holes in it instead of speculating on it if we had been given this whole download.

Hope that answers your question??

#arcane #arcane meta #wizard viktor #jayce talis #jayvik #kind of if you squint

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okchijt · 2 years ago

Note

Hey can you do eddsworld the main 4 with a s/o romantic head cannons

Author's Note: Thank you so much Anon for the request! So sorry it took so long in advance, I just finished my finals so I was really excited about this one and had a lot of fun with it! Hope you'll like it and that I didn't portray anyone OOC😅 And lastly, go ahead and check out my masterlist if you like what you just read and if you want to request anything yourself, thank you, and enjoy!❤

Edd

🟢 Edd would be the type of boyfriend that just wants to chill out and hang out with his partner. He's a very casual guy in every sense of the word, and so would be the relationship with him, with some physical contact and romantic gestures sprinkled in occasionally.

🟢 One of the most defining traits of your relationship is humor! You'd share inside jokes together and create made-up words only you two would understand, making the people Tom around you go insane over the nonsense you tell each other while laughing.

"How did the Coca-Cola can feel after being steamrolled?"

"It was soda pressed!"

"I fucking hate both of you"

Basically, Edd would do anything just to make you smile/laugh, no matter how stupid it might be, if he knows you find it amusing he'll say/do anything just to see your expression!

🟢 Edd likes to draw you a lot, you could be sitting, washing the dishes, playing with Ringo, reading, playing a game, etc, whatever you're doing, he will draw it! He just can't help himself, you look adorable to him no matter what you're doing so he just can't resist himself! Most of the time he'll try to be sneaky about it so you wouldn't notice so he can capture you on paper perfectly, smiling the whole time because you're his favorite thing to draw! Sometimes if he feels happy enough with the finished product, he'd present it to you shyly, hoping you'd like it.

🟢 Be grateful, because you're the only one that Edd allows to go anywhere his cola and even drink it! Being with him gives you the privilege of doing so without asking, normally if anyone else would even lay a hand on his favorite drink they'd have a rabid Edd to fight off, but with you, it's like he doesn't even notice! Which by itself says a lot about how much he loves you!

🟢 Edd might not seem like a great listener, which is true, but when it comes to you, it's a different story. Whether you just want to talk about your day or info dump him about your new hyper fixation, he'll listen to it all with a smile on his face, commenting on the things you said or asking questions. When you vent, he makes sure that you know his full attention is on you and you only. He'll listen to everything you have to say while rubbing your shoulder and once you're done, he'll hug you and try to give you some kind of advice or reassurance, even though he isn't the best at this type of stuff, he'll still try his best though. Because he can't stand to see you hurt.

🟢 Edds love language includes quality time and gift giving! He just loves spending time with you no matter what you're doing! If you're working and can't give him any attention, he'll just sit next to you or position himself where he's touching you in some type of way and just occupy himself with drawing while you do your thing. Whenever you're in a situation where you can't spend time with him, just simply letting him sit nearby and do his thing is enough for him to call it "spending time with you", cause honestly just being in the same room as you is enough for him.

🟢 As we established before, Edd likes to draw you. So logically gift giving for him is giving you drawings he made of you, you two together, or things that you like, like a favorite character or animal. He also takes requests from you whenever he doesn't have any idea of what to draw, and whatever you ask him to draw he will. When Edd has enough money, he'll spend it on some kind of gift for you that he knows you'll like. And he'll give it to you without expecting anything in return, all he needs is that excited expression of yours and a kiss on the cheek/lips and he knows spending the money was worth it.

🟢 PDA isn't one of Edd's main love languages, but he still does it to a casual degree. He's not overly clingy, but he's not distant either, he's more casual with the way he expresses his physical love to you. Like when you sit together on the couch he puts his arm around you or when you're walking on the street he holds your hand. Edd prefers to shower you with more bold PDA behind closed doors though, that's when he's the most romantic as well. He'll give you lots of cuddles and kisses, praising you and telling you how much he loves you as well. It's not that Edd is embarrassed to show this side of himself in front of others, he just feels like sharing those moments between the two of you makes it have more meaning behind it.

🟢 Edd is really opportunistic when it comes to kissing, and by that I mean he'll only do it if he feels like the moment is right or is in the mood to do so. Maybe you do something adorable, and he just can't help but kiss you wherever he can reach you first. Edd's kisses are sweet and gentle, he likes to hold you whenever he does so too. Outside of your lips, Edd likes to kiss you on the cheek the most, he finds it comforting and likes to think of it as teasing that instead of kissing you on the lips, he kisses the place closest to it, he likes feeling like a little shit sometimes, what can I say?

🟢 Will cuddle with you a lot, especially if it's a lazy day for him or he's feeling down. Edd likes to be the big and the little spoon when cuddling, it just depends on how he's feeling. As the big spoon, he'll press you to his chest while laying his head on top of yours. But as a little spoon, it's the opposite, he'll bury his head in your chest, giving you easy access to his hair. When I tell you this guy will immediately melt as soon as you start tangling your hands into his hair, you swear you can hear him purr sometimes as you play with it. Edd is honestly the best cuddling option you can get, he's extremely soft and during winter he will warm you up with no problem, and during summer he somehow is still great to cuddle with because his temperature changes with the climate you can say. Cuddling Edd is like hugging a giant soft teddy bear. Best feeling ever, I tell you!

🟢 Edd isn't clingy, but boy does he get jealous of you when he feels threatened by others sometimes! He doesn't really think much of other people interacting with you, if they're just being friendly and don't try to pull any moves on you he might even join in on the conversation or just let you have your fun while vaguely paying attention. But that all changes once he hears the other person starting to flirt with you and being a little bit too touchy for his liking. He'll pay closer attention to both of you as his expression changes from a neutral one to an irritated one, waiting for the right moment to step in as he forces himself to tolerate what's happening until he gets a clear sign from you that he should step in. As soon as he sees a sign of you getting uncomfortable he's already next to you as he puts his hands on your shoulders, squeezing them with reassurance as he gives the person a threatening smile as he says: "My partner and I need to go, goodbye!" And with that, Edd immediately pulls you away from the person and begins to drag you home. The whole way back, Edd would be uncharacteristically very touchy with you, he'd press you against him hard and hold your waist tightly as he grumbles under his breath over what happened. Jealous Edd is a rare sight for you, but when he is jealous he deals with the situation quickly and swiftly to avoid confrontation, his goal only being to get you out of the situation as fast as possible.

🟢 Dates with Edd range from casual to exciting ones! They both really depend on your/his mood, to be honest. He'd take you to a cat cafe and go crazy over the cats with you while drinking and eating delicious desserts. He loves taking you to arcades! It's an excuse for both of you to have fun while calling it a date simultaneously. Edd would just take you to places he knows you'll like or are located in the town you two live in. Though when an occasional theme park comes along, you bet Edd is dragging you there right away no questions asked! If it's a special day of yours or just an anniversary, Edd will try to be a little bit fancier and take you out somewhere nice, like a restaurant or to a movie that is extremely romantic/dramatic that he thinks you'll like or fit the "fancy" category he made up in his head.

🟢 Edd is the most basic type of boyfriend out there I tell ya! All he wants is to be with or near you all day and every day and that's all he needs! He doesn't need to have an especially romantic life with you, but he isn't neglectful either, he's just somewhere in the middle. He'll change on a whim though if you tell him to show one of his sides more often because he just wants to make you happy! He's the type of guy to shower his love on you in private while in public some people aren't even sure if you two are dating or not because of how casual he is. I think Edd in a way is near-perfect boyfriend material for does that find his specific traits attractive, and as one of those people I say he would make a great boyfriend!

Matt

🟣 Matt would be the type of boyfriend that wants to spend every single moment with you and to love you to no end type of guy. He's probably the most romantic out of the four of them, so he'd make sure all the moments you spend together show that.

🟣 It comes to everyone's surprise that someone like Matt would fall in love with someone who isn't him and even love them on the same level as he does, but here we are! To him, you are the most incredible thing in the world, someone he feels can even compete with his handsome face! He makes sure to remind you of that fact every day, because why wouldn't he? Your looks and personality are everything to him, so much so that he forgets about his narcissistic views sometimes.

🟣 In fact, Matt will do anything when it comes to helping you feel better about your appearance! Say you wanna try out a new haircut or wanna change your style, Matt is right there with you through all of it, even participating in the changes himself. He'd do your makeup, nails, hair, even skincare routine, whatever it is, Matt wants to be there and be a part of it, he calls it bonding time!

🟣 Matt doesn't usually care if other people appreciate his beauty like he does, to him only his opinion matters. But once you come into the picture, your opinion means the world to him! Anytime you compliment him, call him your: "Handsome man", or anything of that sort, this man is dying on the floor because of the amount of love and affection he's feeling because of you. No one else's opinion matters about his face or anything related to him, but yours and he makes sure you and everybody around you know that just by his reactions alone.

🟣 Since you two are dating, you are bound to get dragged by Matt to buy or find something to add to his novelty collection. You'd go on your own set of adventures for the sole purpose of expanding his collection. Matt really appreciates you going with him, it just shows to him how much you are willing to put up with for him. For some, his hobby just seems like something that doesn't matter or an inconvenience, but you don't, and he truly loves that about you. Matt 100% has a will written down somewhere that says: "If anything happens to me, give all of my novelty collection to (Y/N)''.

🟣 Matt's love language includes words of affirmation and quality time! Matt's main go-to to showing how much he loves you is showering you with praise any chance he gets! You could be looking like a hobo or a supermodel, but that man will still call you the most attractive person in the universe! Any accomplishment, whether large or small is immediately met with him congratulating you like you just won an Oscar! Not to mention whenever you feel insecure or just down, Matt will make does feelings go away in a matter of seconds because of how innocent his love for you is, he knows every right word to use to show you how much you mean to him. And he'll remind you of that fact every day no matter who you are or what you do.

🟣 You'd think Matt's second love language would be physical touch, but nope! It's quality time, baby! But I think you know that based on the examples above. The point is, anything you wanna do, Matt has to be there doing that thing with you too! No matter if it's work or something boring, he needs to be there with you! If you're busy he'll sit with you in a way where he's basically touching you and as soon as you show any discomfort or mutter that you need something, Matt is on the way to get it! Even if you didn't technically ask him to do so. He's basically like a lost puppy just following you around everywhere without a care in the world.

🟣 Matt loves PDA, he adores it! Both giving and receiving affection are one of his favorite things about being in a relationship with you! The only reason why it's not his main love language is because he finds the other two more intimate, but this easily takes third place! Unlike Edd, Matt isn't afraid to go all the way out with his affection towards you, private or in public he is all over you to some degree. Kisses, hugs, holding hands, cuddles, he will grab any chance he gets to touch you in some way. If he could Matt would glue himself to you so that he can always be with you, that's how clingy he is with his love for you.

🟣 Kisses with Matt are literally the most purest and innocent thing in the world! He holds you against him as you kiss as if you were glass, that's how gentle he is with you! Expect a lot of muffled giggles and pleased sighs whenever you two kiss, he's just so happy to have you in his life like this that he just can't help himself! Outside of your lips, Matt adores giving you kisses on the nose! He just finds it charming and adorable in a way, especially when you give him a reaction in the process, he finds them precious. It may be childish, but he's a childish man so that adds up, plus nose kisses are the best!

🟣 Cuddles with Matt are a must in a relationship with him! No occasion is needed for him to just wrap you in his arms and lay with you comfortably for hours at an end. Matt is both big and little spoon, mostly leaning towards little spoon though. When he's the one holding you, and not squeezing the living daylights out of you. Matt would be laying on his back while you lay on top of him, with your head on his chest as he kisses the top of your head every now and then as his arms are tightly but comfortably wrapped around your upper back. But as a little spoon, Matt crawls himself into a ball as he buries himself into your chest, wanting to make it easier for you to hold him. He basically feels like a giant teddy bear! Though I won't recommend cuddling with Matt during winter without a blanket, man is always cold! But during summer, it's a different story, he's basically a cooler during the warm seasons, so literally perfect!

🟣 As established, Matt is clingy af so there's no surprise that the man will act super threatened as soon as he sees others laying their dirty hands on you in a flirty way. Until Matt senses a disturbance in the force, he'll tolerate the person interacting with you if it's just in a friendly way and if you clearly don't mind them talking with you as well. But as soon as the person enters the danger zone where they start to get flirty with you, Matt will glare daggers at them as a silent threat to get them to back off. Alongside that, he'll tug at your clothes gently and whine to you that you need to go with him as he stares at you with puppy eyes. If all of that fails and the rando will try to put his hands on you, Matt immediately jumps into action! Clinging to your back like a possessive koala as he smacks the person's hand away and screams: "NO! This gem is mine! Go find yours somewhere else!'' And with that, he picks you up by the waist with his arms wrapped around it and shuffles away like an awkward penguin while holding you with a big pout on his face. He'll only put you down once he calms down a bit or you protest hard enough, and once he does you better give him lots of kisses and reassurances as you let him cling to you in any way he can as you two head back home with a still slightly upset Matt.

🟣 Matt takes his dates seriously, that's why he always puts in the effort to make them super romantic! He'd take you to places any partner would on a typical date, movies, dinner, picnic in the park, star gazing, etc. With Matt, there is no such thing as a normal date, only the best of the best for his beloved! He'll dress up super fancy and always have some kind of gift with him to give you every time. Though Matt would be happy to comply with any date idea you have, elegant/traditional dates are always his go-to because of the romantic meaning behind them by society's and his standards.

🟣 Matt is the most loving and clingiest boyfriend out there, your existence alone makes him swoon so he doesn't need much outside of his novelty collection to be happy! He's utterly devoted to you and makes sure to show you that each and every day of your relationship, so much so that everybody around you two already knows you two are together without being told so. Matt would be the perfect boyfriend for those that want to feel loved to the extreme and feel appreciated by someone, and you'd feel all of that every day with him! Top-tier boyfriend material, I tell you! No complaints here!

Tom

🔵 Tom would be the type of boyfriend that isn't really great when it comes to relationships, but for you, he tries his very best to at least be decent. He'd purposefully try to go out of his comfort zone just to prove his love for you, wanting to show you that he actually cares even when he isn't the best at showing so sometimes, but he tries!

🔵 First of all, this mad lad broke up with his bass: Susan for you so that better show just how much he cares and loves you if he picked you over his most beloved bass! Speaking of Susan, Tom often makes up songs that he plays on his bass about/for you. To which you'd always have to beg him to play you some cause he's super embarrassed about them, but with enough reassurance, he'd play you some! And if you reward him with compliments or a kiss, he may just be inclined to show you more, gaining confidence each time.

🔵 And while on the subject of music! You two would always share/recommend each other's music taste! Tom really likes listening to the same music as you whether it's yours or his, he really enjoys the moment because it's just so intimate to him. You'd share headphones, you having one bud in your ear while Tom has the other, forcing each other to stay close, which Tom secretly enjoys very much as he can't help himself but relax each time you two do that.

🔵 We all know Tom's alcohol problem, especially with his favorite: Smirnoff, which he drinks any time he can. But when you two get into a relationship, Tom tries to step back from his alcoholism for your sake. Sure, he'd gladly drink with you if you'd like, but he'd actually pay attention to the amount he's drinking and stop once enough is enough. To be honest, your existence and the relationship make him want to be better for you, and that means acknowledging his problem and overcoming it step by step.

🔵 Whether you are someone that loves Christmas or hates it, depending on which, Tom will try his best to not ruin it for you and match your energy! If you're a Christmas lover, Tom wouldn't exactly act happy about the holiday with you, but you can tell he's really trying to hold back any negative comments about the holiday for your sake. Tom may hate Christmas, but he loves you enough to try his best to not ruin the holiday for you better reward him with affection afterwards cause boy does he need it! But if you're a Christmas hater, then you already know Tom is ruining the holiday with you while calling it a date!

🔵 Tom's love language includes acts of service and physical touch! Out of everything, Tom finds it easiest to express his love for you by doing things for you whether you asked him or not. It's because he can do it without overthinking whether what you're doing is okay or not because doing something for someone else naturally makes that person happy! You could have cooked something for you two and only stepped away for a second, only to come back and see Tom already doing the dishes and insisting that he's got it covered and that you go rest. Maybe you have a pet that needs to be let out or fed and you can't get out of bed to do so, you don't even need to ask and Tom is already on it and doing it for you with no complaints, not even expecting anything in return while doing so.

🔵 One wouldn't expect that one of the main two love languages Tom has is physical touch, but here we are! Tom is actually extremely touch-starved, but won't allow himself to be touched or touch someone else until he feels 100% safe with them. At the beginning of the relationship it took a while for Tom to open himself up to such affections, but the way you took things slow and steady for him really helped and he allowed himself to feel vulnerable with you. Tom loves to give you hugs from behind, you'll be doing something while standing and all of a sudden two arms wrap around you and you can feel his head burry itself in the crock of your neck. At that point he can't live without touching you, you're his rock and he needs you to feel stable and safe. He's always touching you in some way, no matter what you're doing or what position you are in.

🔵 PDA and physical touch are basically the same things, right? Anyways, while out in public Tom is way more reserved with you because he doesn't appreciate strangers staring at the two of you, he'd still be okay with hand-holding or a kiss on his favored spot every now and then, but in private? Tom goes crazy in private, (not as crazy as Matt or Tord but still!) Basically, any opportunity he gets to show you his love for you in a physical manner he takes it. It doesn't matter what you're doing, he is touching you in one way or another. Like I said, you are his rock, his safe haven, and without you near him he'd go crazy, so holding you, kissing, hugs, hand-holding, and everything else in between is what he'll shower you daily with! Please hold him too every once in a while, Lord knows he needs it and may even have a mental breakdown from the affection alone, but he loves it I promise.

🔵 In the beginning Tom was very awkward when it came to kissing, but he eventually got the hang of it and became more comfortable! They were also very unsure and timid at the beginning, forcing you to take the lead, but with each kiss, Tom became more confident, and now he likes to kiss you with slow passion, savoring the intimate closeness with you. Besides your lips, Tom's other favorite spot to kiss you is your forehead. It's just so sweet, gentle, and innocent to him that he sometimes finds it even more intimate than a kiss on the lips. He usually kisses your forehead when you do something that he just really appreciates whether you meant it or not. Maybe you fixed the broken string in his bass for him and he'll just give you the most loving gaze and that gentle smile as he grabs your face and gives you a gentle kiss on the forehead as a thanks. He just finds forehead kisses soothing, what can I say?

🔵 Cuddles=physical touch, so Tom enjoys if not loves them a lot! Tom has a preference for being the big spoon over the little spoon. As the big spoon, it literally feels as if Tom is trying to fuse with you by how hard, he's pressing you against him. You both would be lying at your sides as Tom has his arms wrapped tightly around your lower back and his head buried in your hair as he lets the scent of your shampoo ease him. Though Tom has a stronger preference for being the big spoon, he won't complain if you're the one who wants to hold him, especially if he's feeling vulnerable that day. You'd be lying at your sides again, but he'd have his back turned to you as you hug him from behind and run your hands up and down his arms/hands to soothe him, as he feels too embarrassed to face you when he's in his low state. Again, I'm sorry but just like Matt, Tom is always cold and you'd need a blanket with you whenever you two cuddle, except for summer though, cuddling with Tom during summer feels like heaven!

🔵 As said before, Tom loves physical affection and he views you as his safe heaven basically, so he isn't much of a fan when other people touch you, but if it's a friend or you allow the action yourself, there isn't much he can do but to tolerate it. But if it's someone that's trying to get with you, that's a different story! Tom makes it plainly obvious that he hates the person just by looking at them with that huge grimace and annoyed expression on his face as soon he can tell that they are flirting with you. Unlike Edd, Tom won't wait for a sign from you or anything like that, as soon as his feelings of feeling threatened are made correct by the actions of the person flirting with you he is right by your side, hugging you from behind possessively as he puts his head on your shoulder and says: "Hey babe, is this guy bothering you?" And just from his words and actions alone, the rando gets the hint you're already taken and leaves immediately with an apology. Apology or not, that does not stop Tom from glaring daggers at the person as you drag him away back home, having to soothe him with words of affection as he grumbles under his breath about wanting to choke the person.

🔵 Tom is very awkward with dates and finds them super complicated to arrange, man doesn't have much experience with dating and wants the best for you, so he tries his best to make the dates the best they can be! Tom would never admit it, but he'd be looking up advice online on where to take his partner on a date and go based on that, which means Tom doesn't really have a specific type of date he goes on with you, it's mainly whatever the best thing he can find online, he goes with. You ain't complaining though, cause those dates range from romantic dinners to the aquarium to a musical, to a picnic! No matter what it is or where you go, your boyfriend always makes sure you're having fun.

🔵 Tom is the most awkward boyfriend that doesn't know what he's doing but tries his best anyway just to make the relationship work. He may not always understand what he's supposed to do as a boyfriend or how to do it because he is always internally freaking out if what's he doing actually works, but he'd never once make you feel like he doesn't love you. He'd remind you of that fact every day in any way he can, whether large or small. Your existence keeps him sane and happy, so he'll do anything he can just to keep you at his side, even if he doesn't always know what he's doing.

Tord

🔴 Tord would be the type of boyfriend that thinks he knows what he's doing while being a huge show off while doing so, but in reality, he has no idea how being in love and dating works. Still, he sure acts like he does cause he feels insanely confident in a relationship because he thinks it's easy and he knows what he's doing (it isn't and he doesn't) But he rarely makes you suspect that over how nice a relationship with him is!

🔴 Tord is very open with his love for guns, especially when he pulls one out of nowhere before shooting something. Even though Tord doesn't mind showing you off his shooting skills, in fact, he loves it, but he will not allow you to touch his weapon at all! No amount of reassurance will make him trust you or himself enough to give you such a weapon. He just fears something might go wrong, if there's anyone else's safety he's more worried about it than his, it's yours and he will never put your life in danger willingly no matter what.

🔴 He'd show you his little inventions like the couch one or something like that and gets giddy when you show interest in them and praise him for them. He'd never show you his dangerous inventions though, like his giant robot out of fear of losing you, but if you have an invention request for him, Tord is more than happy to make it come true! Any nondangerous gadget is at your disposal any time you want and is free to use without asking, which means something because very few people have this sort of privilege from him.

🔴 So we all know Tord likes to smoke his cigars, well, similar to Tom with his alcohol problem, he will try to smoke less if not stop entirely at one point just for your sake. Whether you made a comment about his smoking habit or not, he's sure his smoke breath just after he finished his cigar doesn't feel really good when you two kiss. So he'd try his best to lessen doing it, or at least not smoke before he gets to spend time with you just so that he doesn't smell too bad.

🔴 Tord would be the type of boyfriend to lend you his clothes but on purpose! You won't need to ask for his hoodie or anything before he one day walks up to you with his hoodie and gives it to you without a word before walking away. If you comply and wear his clothes, expect to have his eyes always on you with a flirty smirk to match. He just can't help himself but feel oddly satisfied and honored for you to wear his clothes that are always too big for you, he finds it adorable and a way of marking you by having something of him with you, but he'd never tell you that of course.

🔴 Tord's love language is unsurprisingly physical touch and words of affirmation! Out of the main four, it was given that Tord would love physical touch a ton! Tord normally isn't a touchy person at all, he avoids having physical contact with most people like the plague, but with you? It's the opposite! The second you get together he's all over you in any way and every day he can! He saves the special affection for people that mean the most to him, and you just happened to be his entire world so he makes sure you receive the attention you deserve! Sitting on the couch with his arms wrapped around you? Check. Eating together with your knees touching? Check. Driving and sitting next to each other with his hand on your thigh? Check. Just any scenario with him having his hands on you in some way is always possible with Tord. He just feels safe and comfortable being this close to you, he doesn't show it, but Tord deals with a lot of anxiety and paranoia over the things he hides from you and his friends. It can get a lot sometimes, and the only way for him to let it all out is through physical contact with you.

🔴 Tord lives for giving you physical affection, but words of affirmation are exactly on the same level for him! Tord is a natural flirt that can come up with a pick-up line on the fly without trying, that's how good he is! But flirting isn't the only way he'll verbalize his love for you, a simple thought-out compliment or praise is what you'll hear from him a lot as well. Maybe you're working on something and are getting tired of it but you have to push through when you suddenly get interrupted by Tord appearing out of nowhere as he rubs your back reassuringly and tells you how great you're doing and to remember to take breaks etc. Just like with Matt, whatever you do, and no matter what the outcome of it was, or no matter how insecure you are, you will always be met with praise from him as he kisses you all over your face. Overall, just imagine yourself in any scenario just like the one before and Tord will find an excuse to flirt/compliment/praise you.

🔴 PDA and Tord are like best friends, why would he stop showering you with love in public when you clearly deserve all of the attention you can get? He's the same as Matt honestly, there is just no stopping him from kissing, hugging, hand-holding, etc, no matter where you two are. His love for you both in public and in private is the exact same, he just wants the whole world to know who you belong to and just wants to show your relationship off! Plus Tord doesn't feel any need to tone down the affection out in public, why should he? He barely pays attention to the random people on the street anyway because all of his attention is on you, everything else just doesn't matter when he's with you so he acts like it with his affections.

🔴 Kisses with Tord happen literally almost every minute and yet he always manages to find a way to make the next one more amazing than the last. He wants you to love and remember every moment of it as he slowly but sensually moves his lips against yours with that stupid smirk on his face and half-lid eyes that scan you with satisfaction. Tord is always confident when kissing you, so there's no hesitation coming from him before his lips are on yours while holding you so close you can barely move. And all of that is what I just described how kissing with Tord looks and feels like all the time. Outside of the lips though, Tord's other favorite spot to kiss you is to no one's surprise, your neck! It doesn't even need to be sexual, he just loves to kiss you there! The reactions you give him as you stiff at his sudden touch to the neck before you slowly relax and maybe let your voice out once in a while if Tord feels like teasing you a bit with his cheeky kisses. He is a pervert after all, so you can imagine he enjoys the show you give him sometimes immensely.

🔴 Same as with Tom and Matt, Tord lives for cuddles with you! Sorry, to say but Tord is always the big spoon, under no circumstance would he willingly put himself in a vulnerable position that we call the "little spoon". The only way for that to happen is you'd walk in on him in an uncharacteristically vulnerable moment, you both know he won't reveal what made him so upset so the only thing you can think of is to lay down and hug him from behind, pressing yourself against him tightly as you whisper reassuring words into his ear. Tord would never admit it, but he really appreciated the gesture, but you won't catch him asking to be a little spoon after that, it's just not his thing. What his thing is being the big spoon though! He is literally wrapped around you like a koala the whole cuddle session, you'd be pressed against his chest with his arms wrapped around your waist and his legs entangled with yours as he lays his head on top of yours. Unlike the two before him, Tord is always warm, so cuddling during the summer is always a pain, especially because Tord can't go a single day without multiple cuddles. But during winter you cannot be more glad than to have a literal fireplace as a boyfriend!

🔴 Tord feels like everyone is a threat to your relationship with a few exceptions constantly, even if the person in question is just a friend or someone that truly means no harm Tord will always feel like he's competing over you with them. As soon as he realizes the person's intentions with you he'd glare daggers at them with an almost silent animalistic growl coming from him as crossed arms almost rip the fabric of his hoodie from how tightly he's holding the fabric. As soon as the person's hands start to move towards you in an attempt to touch you, in a blink of an eye Tord is right behind you as he grabs your shoulders and possesivly presses your back against his chest. ''Get lost before I make you" If looks could kill the rando would have been already on the floor dead from the terrifying threat and expression Tord had on his face. Before you realize what's happening the person is already bolting in the opposite direction, you only snap out of it once you feel Tord's grip on you loosen as he looks at you with a satisfied smile before grabbing your hand and walking back home. It's almost as if the situation is already forgotten by him altogether, but it isn't, in fact, he'll have that memory of you getting hit on for a while before he gets over it. He just chooses not to show you how much the situation has impacted him for your sake, though he would really appreciate a kiss or two with some reassurance as you two head home, it'll make him feel better faster.

🔴 Tord legit has no idea what he's doing when it comes to dates. Just like Tom, he'd look up advice online on how to make "the perfect date" for you. The dates he'd typically settle on are the ones he knows you'd love to go to, he'd pay special attention in conversations where you mention a specific place you'd love to go to and immediately write it down as one of the places he should take you to. Literally, anything you want he will make it happen, restaurant, theme park, cinema, arcade, etc, just name it and you're going there! Tord already knows you're enjoying yourself because he purposefully took you somewhere you wanted to go, but he'd always try to make the date even more fun with various shenanigans he does to make you laugh, making dates more memorable than they would've originally been.

🔴 Tord is the embodiment of a boyfriend that wants nothing more but to make you the center of his world if not the universe. If someone like him could get with someone like you then it's only right he makes you feel like the most special person in the world! And just like Matt, he's perfect for those that need/want to be reminded of that fact every day, whether you want it or not Tord is basically worshiping you and he'll make sure you don't forget that fact either! Honestly, you're the only reason why he hasn't taken over the world yet, you'll never know that fact personally, but it's true!

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