#Anyway can you tell most of this is padding because i dont have many actual tags i can give this.

[virtuaquarium3d]

Images made exclusively for 2012 me

[thecoloroute]

Back To School Shopping List for A College Freshman Art Student

Hi guys I went to RISD a few years back but I do remember looking up this question. if you're not going to college just yet but are interested in art, it could be super useful to get comfortable using the tools/mediums below. even though i know most teachers give a materials list the first day, i needed to be prepared way ahead of time because of my anxiety. in my case, i was told id get a list in person, but walking in with an empty bag just felt wrong to me lol??? i ended up bringing a couple things, but missed a few vital essentials so here's a list of everything that i can think of. read to the end for my wagon epiphany that i think all art students should adopt (if they havent already)

-a notebook or planner (lined). some professors will hit you with extremely important info right away and wont always tell you to write down what they're saying but 90% of the time its important stuff you dont wanna miss

-a sketchbook. this can help if they throw a quick exercise at you and you have to write/draw something quickly. i blanked and didnt bring a sketchbook from home (because i was told id need to get certain types according to the teacher's specifications) but looking back idk why i didnt?? first days are hectic. actually the first week lol. anyways there were single sheets offered but honestly having your own right off the bat helps for organizational purposes, saves time, and IF YOU'RE LIKE ME, prevents the need to get up in front of everyone

-writing utensils. I'd recommend a nice pen and a set of drawing pencils (doesn't have to be anything crazy cause your teacher will most likely request that you buy more advanced/specific tools later on)

-headphones. every teacher is different, but usually art students will be given little tasks to work on during their first day in class at college. I was not clever enough to remember to pack my headphones, and the silence in a room full of focused art students can be especially unnerving when you're nervous. Hearing a student's questionable music taste can be equally unnerving, so make sure to pack those.

-snacks/drinks. this is kind of a branch off of the last one, cause again it can get sooooo quiet in these classrooms/studios. Pack snacks to prevent belly grumbles. I have heard it happen to many people in my classes and i am a victim as well. stay ready

-sunglasses. seems trivial but super important because you'll probably be walking around outside a lot your first day. this is the typical college commute, up down and around the streets.

-MONEY. I AM GOING TO PUT THIS IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE THIS WAS BY FAR MY BIGGEST MISTAKE LOL. UNFORTUNATELY, STAY STRAPPED WITH CASH OR CARD BCUZ! SOME OF THOSE ART SCHOOL PROFESSORS ARE A LIL BOUJEE AND WILL SEND U RIGHT TO THE CAMPUS ART STORE DAY ONE. It was very overwhelming for me, and some might think its common sense but idk my entire school career you always get some time after school to buy that stuff. they really sent us shopping ten minutes into class so be aware or look broke like i did.

Other than that, all the stuff you'll have to potentially purchase that day will be specified by the teacher. If you're worried about getting the wrong thing, don't be. The students get to go together and the teacher gives very specific details about the products to buy, which the campus store workers are well aware of. Off the top of my head, i remember being sent to get materials for a few different classes throughout the day. I'll list them here without the brand specifics (1. cause i dont know and 2. cause it may not match what your teacher will want anyway) just to give you a general idea.

-large ruler, metal, 1 yard (3 ft)

-clear plastic t-shaped ruler for drawing

-sketchbooks, drawing pads (of all sizes)

-a large portfolio (looks like a gigantic black totebag for big art papers)

-sewing kit

-string

-muslin fabric

-ink pens

-drawing pencils, different sizes

-drawing charcoal

-white paper drawing blender, a good eraser

-a toolbox for the drawing materials

-gouache paint

-brushes, pallets

-oil paint crayons

-a tool box

-ink pens like harry potter

That's pretty much it. If you'd like to grab some of these things before hand it should be fine, but for the most part id stick to waiting just to be safe.

Also a side note: I was a commuter so i could run home and grab my materials collected over my entire life but not every student is this lucky and some of their homes are thousands of miles away. if ur a traveling bird like them, it could be very VERY useful to pack some cool materials and tools like idk holographic paper or a jar of crystals because CAMPUS ART STORES ARE VERY EXPENSIVE!!!!

Also....... i know it sounds a little ridiculous but there were many many times i wished i had bought a wagon to transport things around campus. imagine me with a like 4ft portfolio bag the size of my body, a pencil toolbox, another toolbox for actual tools, my backpack, any projects i may have brought, a coffee if i am holding one??? and god forbid its a rainy day and i needed my umbrella lol.. it looks & feels difficult anyway trying to lug all the stuff art school requires.. so thats just some food for thought. Imagine a cute pink wagon?!??

anyways thats a wrap, have a lovely school year artists!

[127day-dream]

ALSO ALSO (im sorry for spamming ur timeline) (this is long)

WHY DO ALL MY TITLES HAVE TO BE SO LONG TYING HEARTBREAKER + BABY DON'T LIKE IT EVERY TIME I TALK ABOUT MY FICS IS SO LONG

but consistency... they're track 4 + 5 on limitless... and the story (of the song) really makes sense considering the story's (of my story) themes...

can u tell i overthink a lot? hahaha

but its fun... plus, i really overthought h+bdli (i hate that abbreviation!) even tho it was a short smut fic... honestly, i might rewrite h+bdli (still dont like that) because i feel like the message was kind of... lackluster.

idk, i feel like i wrote yuta a bit too... lightly. i wanted him to be a total piece of shit but it came a bit too cute bc haha smuttt

actually, yuta and i have the same mbti personality type. and actually, i asked someone on tumblr what nct member im most like and they said yuta... isnt that funny?

can u tell im procrastinating writing? by writing here? haha

i feel so sad about h+bdli, bc the smut was really good but besides that i didn't really like the story BUT I DO BUT I DONT yk what i mean? all the characters seemed so flat... i overhyped it in my head. honestly, that's it... i think just a lot of people asked questions about the story this time and... wasn't ready haha

i like my characters to be like, actual humans making human decisions, not like just hentai "for the sex" characters (do not look at be there for you, i was in heat) and thats why i do too much...

actually, even with be there for you, jaemin had a bit of a mental breakdown when deciding if he was actually gonna have sex with the reader, which imo, makes it great lol no doctor would actually risk losing their medical license..

i think that writing more dynamic characters is more fun. hwth is my baby. it's annoying, has too many characters, is gonna kill me, and its my precious little baby because i HATE some of the characters (cough, cough, jeno) but they're like, real people making real decisions (except haechan's sex scene, that was purely for the sex lol)

anyways... i wish when i started writing nct smut i wrote oneshots, hwth is gonna kill me... I DONT WANNA WRITE IT TO BE HONEST BUT IM MAKING MYSELF WRITE BC I LIKE WRITING BUT ITS SUCH A BIG PROJECT I WISH I DID HEARTBREAKER 1ST LOL

well.................. im gonna work on hwth.

maybe................. i'll actually work on a taeyong fic i've been working on for a while..............

UGH im sorry.

highway to heaven?

taeyong?

idk.

hahaha.... my back hurts.

ah....

I NEED TO WORK ON HWTH.

IM GONNA GET IT DONE

im on part 4?

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

my cat is sitting on my keyboard. too lazy to delete.

5?

idk......

oh... my cursor is moving.

kitty, please leave.

i think she likes the warmth of the desk. i have a fuzzy blanket on it. she's sleeping on my mousepad... i tried getting her to sleep on a heating pad, but i think she likes the computer...

should i get her a computer? do i sound insane?

she deserves it. she deserves the world.

im not having any kids of my own, after all. she's my only family.

shes perfect. oh... i guess i really do sound like a mom....

it's okay.

actually, i never said this before, but i started writing smut to make my typing skills better... i always get made of for my typing...

isn't that funny? i could've just done a typing.com lesson...

but i like writing about sex and nct.

haha... well, for the record, it didn't work.

maybe i'll still do the typing.com lesson.

agh... my back really hurts.

i'm gonna sleep.

sorry, you'll have to wait for hwth pt... 4 or 5.

[sincerely-raine]

I hate ppl who say I’m “lucky” for being flat chested like 🤨??? if anything I think y’all are lucky for being able to feel like real women (unless ur trans/enby then I’m hella sorry, I’m just shit talking cis women who say this shit)

Everytime my tits are brought up all I hear is “omg ur so lucky u can actually fit in clothes 😩” YEAH CHILDRENS CLOTHES

YOU THINK IT FEELS NICE ONLY BEING ABLE TO WEAR CLOTHES MADE FOR 8 YEAR OLDS??? WELL IT DONT BAE IN FACT ITS HELLA FUCKING HUMILIATING (sorry to bring out the all caps but they’re really good for letting out anger lolol)

And don’t even get me started on bras- bitch I can’t find fitting bras for SHIT every bra in my area is made for B-G cups THERE AINT NO AS OR AAS

I started puberty at 10 and didn’t get my first fitting bra till I was 14– even Victoria’s Secret let me down

Like they measured my tiddies and were all like “32A ur so lucky I wish I had ur size 🤪🤪🤪” then I walk over to the cabinets with bras in them…open the 32A drawer…you know what I saw?

Fucking B cups

In the 32A drawer

There were 4 B cup bras

In one of the biggest bra companies

And I know they were NOT Acups because they had unpadded cups in their bras (and they didn’t fit)

Bitch if there’s cups and they aren’t even padded then they are NOT Acups ✋🏻💀 I’m sorry but bra companies are too busy tryna tell us smallies that we’re not good enough and need to look bigger to give us UNPADDED bras

I have NEVER seen a bra company actually tell flat chesters that we don’t need to create an illusion of having big boobs (other than that Pepper.com site or whatever it’s called, love y’all 💞💞💞)

So yeah I wasted my money on that shit cuz yknow? I wanna feel like a woman, not a little boy, and idgaf if the bras are too big I was NOT wearing training bras for the rest of my life

So yeah wearing those bras made me insecure asf and I still am lmao

But naw back on track-

2 other problems with clothes:

-So many women’s shirts made for boobs….so many…

-And the baggy clothes

I said it a million times and I’ll say it again:

FLAT 👏🏻 WOMEN 👏🏻 DONT 👏🏻 HAVE 👏🏻 BOOB 👏🏻 CRACKS 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

BOOB CRACKS ARE LITERALLY MADE OUT OF TWO LUMPS OF FAT PRESSED TOGETHER

WE DONT HAVE FAT DEAR LORD

And every fucking women’s shirt I see has a hole for the tiddy crack- and for us it either just shows our chest skin or our whole tiddies and nipples

I don’t wanna go walking round the street showing everyone what color the skin on my chest is or the color of my fucking areolas

AND THE SHIRTS THAT NEED BOOBS TO STRETCH THEM OUT OMFGGG

Every time I see them I’m like “Oooh a sexy crop top I wanna wear it!” 😃 then I’m like “Oh yeah…it’ll just look like a fucking tank top on me” 🙂 like y’all thiccer girls out there don’t know HOW MANY shirts need boobs-

I’d provide pics but my internet is shit but if u see a a big tiddies girl wearing a crop top- the reason why it’s a crop top is because 90% of what’s under her shirt is boobs, not shaming just tryna get it thru y’all’s head that PEOPLE NEED TO MAKE CROP TOPS FOR SMALL BOOBS WE WANNA FEEL SEXY TOO???

(Like for example the reason why clothes are tight on y’all is most likely cuz y’all tits take up most of ur shirt, take those tiddies away and that shirt will prolly be twice the size of you)

And the baggy clothes…I hate most baggy clothes, if u like them that’s cool but bitch I’m talking bout myself rn and that shit is ugly to me 😂😂😂 and the fact that ALL clothes are big and baggy on me makes me feel even uglier than I already am like wtf

And I’m used to baggy clothes I wear them all day everyday!!! Ever since I was fucking born! That’s shits getting boring I wanna feel sexy and wear skin tight clothes but nooooo all tight shirts are made for BOOBS

I’d need to go to a fucking professional tailor to get a tight shirt and waste $1k for one shirt or sum shit

Next topic:

The insecuritiesssss ✨✨✨

We’re all insecure but when you’re flat you got ur own insecurities that you can’t tell anyone about otherwise they’ll just disregard every fucking thing you say in exchange for “but you can fit in shirts” (thanks a lot, bitches, that helps so much)

And for y’all’s record: stop telling flat chesters that we can cosplay dudes easier, telling us that we look like men doesn’t help, in fact it makes it worse cuz we tell ourselves that exact thing everyday 🙂

And not everyone likes cosplaying?? So???? What’s ur point

The fact that men say they don’t care bout breast size then continue to ONLY sexualize big boobs like yes tf you do care, we know this. I can’t even look up small boobs in any explicit manner without seeing CHILDREN (hentai children ofc but still children) LIKE WERE NOT KIDS STOP CALLING US KIDS unless you are a kid 🤪 and can y’all stop with the pedophilic hentai? That shits disgusting

And STOP DRAWING SMALL BOOBED CHARACTERS WITH BIG BOOBS I can’t even count how many times I saw fan art of Miku with big boobs- SHES FLAT AND YALL KNOW THIS STOP FUCKING CHANGING HER BODY YALL DONT KNOW HOW MANY PPL UR HURTING WITH THAT SHIT

And it’s not just her too 🙄 like is it that fucking hard to draw a flat chest, y’all always draw it on men, why not women? Hm? Do u not like flat women? Think we’re not good enough? Well good for you cuz we���d never date boring ass, offensive ass incels like you anyways. You could never have these cute A cups ❤️❤️❤️

I was gonna add “vent post” at the top but fuck it, this shits important to us flatties and if u skip this post I hope you step on a tac 💓

[heyitsyn]

Nekoma!Manager!Male!Reader

a/n: never written male reader before but this was a funny request and i really do see the irony in this

anon request:  

absolutely LOVED your seijoh hcs! you said you wanted to do the other schools so i thought, how about nekoma but with a MALE manager bc it would be so ironic to have a male god as their manager rather than a goddess that they always talked about!! thank youuuuuuu!!!!!!!

yall the nekoma fanchant is literally stuck in my head

hehe uwu lets step on the pedal

ong jesus take the wheel pls

so basically,,,

being the nekoma manager is a MESS

lets say youre a second year and was only the manager bc you were begged into taking the job

like wouldnt leave you alone and pestered you 25/8, screaming about needing their own god manager

also just because, you are fairly popular and you have your own fanclub of girls in nekoma and they thought it would give them more exposure and more chances w girls :’)

tora was actually the first who came up to you and begged you to be their manager during class one day bc they are in need of one but they arent allowed to have a girl manager so he turned to having a handsome male

‘I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAS TO BE A BOY’

‘so you wont be all over him abd be distracted w showing off’

‘WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION MY SE-’

‘tora, please’

initially, you refused bc you just couldnt be bothered to be part of a club where you basically babysit a bunch of overgrown children

but kenma, your childhood friend, was the team’s last attempt to get you in since kuroo mentioned that he was the only one you listened to

‘kenma, babie, i love you, but i am your friend, not your nanny. so unless i am paid, i will not waste my time taking care of of all of you. especially that chicken head’

‘y/n, yaku is on his last leg here. we really need a manager and we need it fast’

‘you went for years without one so why do you need it?’

‘we’re scared that nekomata would just drop dead any minute now’

‘yanno? im surprised hes even still alive with yall’

‘....... ill show your fangirls that picture of you when we were 5 when-’

‘okay, kenma. rude about the blackmail but okay. dont expect me to be the maid or anything’

nope, you were actually the maid

and the cook

and the nanny

and the laundry person

the everything

it baffles you that kuroo is about to graduate next year yet he still doesnt know the difference between fabric softener and detergent

the amount of times you sent him to pick up more and only to send him back when he ended up buying 2 softeners or 2 detergents

‘they all look the same!’

‘kuroo tetsuro cAN yOu NoT rEAd?!’

ngl i still mix them up sometimes

during matches, youre basically their mother, their nanny, and nekomata’s notetaker, and their personal cheerleader

naoi, the other coach guy, and coach nekomata has adopted you as a son bc of how hard you work and the less the burden is on them

like your notes about their playing percentages really works and helps them and added with the chores you do for the team?

godsend

also, lets put your popularity in here

you dress with a white shirt and zip up your red nekoma jacket with your red sweatpants so you look like one of the players, right?

but how come every time they have practice, youre the only one with the fangirls in the bleachers?

youre literally wearing the same thing as them yet youre the only one who gets looked at?!

even kuroo, who was quite good looking, doesnt have that many girls pining after him yet you, resident anti-tryhard, seems to get the female population to fall for you just by doing the simplest things like breathing

youd be doing normal things like using your whistle as you hold a clipboard and girls would be screeching at you 

‘omg m/n is so hot!’

‘hes just !!!! uuggghhhh’

‘siri how to be a whistle?’

i am uncomfortable with the energy we have created in the gym today

tora complains about it all the time bc first, they cant have a beautiful manager, two, they have a pretty boy who’s taking the attention away

‘SO NOT FAIR! M/N, TURN UGLY!’

you bonk him on the head in anger and threaten to quit all the time

‘say that again and you’ll be filling your own water bottles tomorrow’

but in truth though, the guys really do appreciate you and everything you do

they know that you balance them with your personal life and classes and still make time to do their laundry and make them food

so they have started easing off the burden and weight off of your shoulders

at first, you were very suspicious when they told you that they already filled their water bottles

‘huh? i didnt think you even knew where the water fountain was’

‘wym weve been doing this for years’

-kuroo

then, you heard kuroo tell the others to put their sweaty jerseys in the basket in the corner of the room and for the last person to carry it to the laundromat

‘um, sir, we dont want to have another pink jersey disaster again’

you stopped inuoka from lugging the basket but he shook his head and gave you a wide grin

‘nope, m/n-senpai! i’ll carry it for you! i’m strong, see?’

he flexed his right arm muscle while holding the basket with one hand but it was too heavy so it fell to the ground, spilling out all the practice jerseys

you sighed before bending down to pick them up and babie inuoka’s eyes watered, thinking you were mad at him

‘gomen, senpai’

he whispered but you looked up at him from your position

his watery eyes made you frantically stand up and wipe his tears with the pads of your thumbs

‘inu-kun, why are you crying? you said you were strong right? dont cry over silly things, okay?’

he nodded and you were still confused as to why he was so emotional but you patted his fluffy hair 

‘now cmon, lets go take these to the shop’

unbeknownst to you, the team was actually seething from behind the wall

naturally, as a,,, manager,, you became their,,, energy?? 

like the slightest affections from you made their health bar increase tenfold and they didnt necessarily have any intentions towards you

you were like,,, their own,,,, happy drug?? like a human seratonin??

just the fact that they had someone like you to fall back on and give them love when they lost or something

it was comforting

usually it was just the team’s responsibility to throw away their own sadness and comfort each other

but with you,,,

they could easily cry with no fear and you would comfort them until they didnt need to be comforted anymore

eventually, they ended up straight out competing against each other on who would get the most affection

clearly, inuoka used his first year card and everyone knew you were soft for your kouhais

like you would just grab them and hug them because of how cute they were

uwu especially lev?! 

he may be a giant but hes just a really REALLY REALLY BIG CAT

;)

LEV LIVES TO HUG YOU

like the mans is beanstalk level of height and despite the age difference, he just picks you up and cuddles you and youre just like ‘okay, let it out babie’

DKSFJSLD ANYWAYS

you are always a hot topic w all the students in nekoma and even some in other schools

like during training camp, bro you making everyone question their sexuality

omg akaashi and you are probably the prettiest people there and can i just say how everyone cant focus on a practice match bc youd be laughing together or something and they havent heard anything so beautiful??

and the kitties get really defensive over you and hiss at anyone who even tries to approach you

hiss hiss

DKJFSLKDFJDWHAT IF EVERYONE IN THE TEAM IS BI

OMG WHAT

like the little touches from you make them so red and confident gays like kuroo and bokuto call you out on them and tease you 

while the quiet ones like akaashi and kenma are just blushing and stutter and you tease them instead?

*inhale* BOI *exhale*

the uke and seme dynamic is real on this one

however, there are times when the turned tables

there was that one day that you were seriously questioning if bokuto wore leggings or just really high knee pads and you cornered him after baths to just figure it out

like our poor confident boi turned to a shy babie and shrunk against the wall, covering his red face

‘y-y/n-kun’

‘bo-san, i just want to know’

DKFSJLKDFJFJSDKIM DYING OVER HERE LIKE PLEASE I DONT OWN Y/N

after seeing the smidge of skin at the top of the kneepad, you nodded and brushed your fingertips over the flesh

‘hmm~ so i was right~’

FROM THEN ON POOR BABIE OWL COULDNT LOOK AT YOU THE SAME!!!!!!

it worried everyone so much when bokuto would glance at you in the sidelines and he would competely miss akaashi’s set bc his eyes would focus on you rather than the ball

like he absolutely couldnt take his eyes off of you and when you do turn to meet his eyes, he shrinks back and looks away, completely missing your amused smirk

now, your kitties werent happy about that

theyre very protective of you and they felt that this owl could snatch you right up and fly away

and kuroo, being the captain and the head of the familia, took it upon himself and dragged you to the back of the gym while the others were practicing

kurat pushed you against the wall and basically kabedonned you

KUROO IS LIKE 6′2 OR 190 CM I CANT

‘you seem close with bokuto, l/n. almost, too,, close’

an amused smirk etched itself on your lips and you pressed a hand on his chest

‘oya~? captain-san, am i being punished?’

SFDKLFSJKLDFJL SIR Y/N IS SUPPOSED TO RADIATE SEME ENERGY BUT HE ISNT AND I CANNOT-

ofc he was taken aback by your flirty attitude but he smirked and softly brushed away your bangs that slightly covered your eyes

‘hmm~~ depends, y/n-kun. are you going to be a good kitty and stay with the clowder? or are you going to stay with those pesky chickens~?’

DKFLSJDKFJSL BRO DID YOU KNOW A GROUP OF CATS IS CALLED A CLOWDER?! I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT BUT I HAVE A FEELING KUROO WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT BC HE BIG BRAIN

you chuckled and gently wrapped your arms around his shoulders

but your hand grabbed the hair at the back of his head and harshly pulled him to be closer to you

your eyes blinked innocently but your sharp teeth were shown from your malicious grin

‘ive always been a bad kitty, captain. so i dont care what you say because you cant tell me what to do~’

👀👀👀👀

imagine what happens next bc i cant write something unholy

anyways

so you learned that tetsu CAN in fact tell you what to do and you avoided everyone else which caused them to wonder but one look at your neck

well,,,,,

you got attacked by a cat 

a cat named tetsu

SKDFLJSDKFJSLKUROO IS THE ONLY SEME YOU CLASH WITH

THE OTHERS ARE ALL UKE

EVEN BEEFY BUFF CAKE BOI BO

but you toned it down to not be attacked again

ngl the whole team was all jealous and they even whined to kuroo about it

‘thats not fair!!!!’

‘stop abusing your role as captain!!!!’

they hated the fact that kuroo got you first so they all rally over to keep you away from him

like baby kenma would nudge you over and bring him to sit next to you, saying he needs you to help him with a certain level

‘kenny, im not sure how to play this game’

‘hmm,,,, youre a quick learner, y/n, and youre really quick with your fingers so you could pass to the next level’

*insert lenny face*

‘oya? and you would know how, kenny?’

and baby kenny would fluster a little before glomping to your side and burying his face into your shoulder to hide away

OR

the first years would absolutely use their kouhai priviledges and bring you over to help them with ‘homework’

‘you guys realize i passed because kuroo would beat me into studying right?’

‘but senpai! you mustve learned a thing or two in your classes!’

‘bold of you to assume i was even awake in my classes’

but they still make you spend hours trying to help them which turn into just messing around 

KSDLFJSDKFJD MOVIE NIGHTS YOU GUYS THATS IT!!

there isnt really a single calm moment in your guys’ practice

poor you have already started seeing lot of gray hairs

you literally decline every single confession just because youre too busy for a date and you cant handle having to take care of another person

its like youre dating the whole team!!

soon the entire school have just accepted the fact that you are just simply not in the market anymore just because you joined the club

not because youre actually taken by a girlfriend but youre taken by a bunch of teenage males

imagine how that works out

anyways

youre not really the best volleyball player out there but you know a thing or two

well,,, its more like your stamina doesnt allow you to play long bc a single lap literally destroys your lungs

but you still know when yaku complains about having a shaky receive

‘oh, momo-senpai, youre bending your knees too low so gravity is pushing down on your-’

ugh chemistry i hate it

despite your lack of athletic or physical skills, they still appreciate you for your keen eyes, your caring nature, and your overall looks that give them motivation to play harder to impress you personality :)

all the boys love you

and tbh

you love your boys too

even though it was a blackmail caused event,

you still would’ve joined otherwise

this is kinda short but its going to be longer if i find some plots or somebody asks for a plotline that i can write about for a long time

anyways

byeeeee :)))))

a/n: this isnt exactly the best manager one ive written but ill probably find a good prompt for this or again as stated ^^ someone sends in an ask for it and ill write a story for our favorite male manager :’D

[collectionofcherries]

Hi! I saw that you had Daryl on that list of yours! Have you by any chance heard of BakedCrispss??? Maybe you could do an imagine or headcanons based on her like little quotes?? I think it could be so funny!!! Maybe you could slot this in that window in alexandria of golden time??? Like when everything is calm before shit hits the fan and carl runs away and they meet Negan if you know what I mean??? I havent gone to the season Negan is in because I dont wanna *see you know what*

I do know @bakedcrispss, I follow them on my own blog, they are absolutely hilarious and I sincerely recommend anyone who hasn't checked them out but is into The Walking Dead check em out. Absolutely hysterical. There's so many funny quotes to choose from but I decided to choose this one. I'm not entirely sure how to source things but here is a link to their blog and of course this quote comes from them.

daryl: [ hands y/n a water bottle ]

y/n, drinking: thanks, but what's it for?

daryl: i heard from tara that you get thirsty around me.

y/n: [ chokes on the water ] 

And yeah I know what time you’re talking about and I get not wanting to see *you know what* It’s very sad but I do suggest you try and go past it, the series continues to be good. But if that’s where you decide to end it, hopefully I can help pad out that little golden time with an imagine. ---

Pronouns: Female!Reader, no mention of gender specific anatomical body parts. Warnings: Fluff, incredibly light angst? More like longing maybe? Nothing sad though. My attempt to write the way Daryl speaks is a warning in and of itself. Word Count: 2,473 ---

   Man, these beet root cookies were good, damn Carol knew how to bake and they were even pink and cute. Baking had never been your strong suit even before the world started eating itself. “You got more than one?” Was whined.    You looked over and smiled at Tara. “Perks of being one of the originals, extra cookies.” You teasingly sang, sticking the tip of your tongue out in glee of your cookie horde.    “I'll trade you some oatmeal mix that Denise made?” She pitches and you wrinkle up your nose as your answer and she sighs as she plops down beside you. “I know.” She agrees with your wrinkled face.    “Tobin is drowning in these, he's the guy you should try and corner. Dude's getting nothing besides cookies and kisses.” You remark.    “The dream.” She sighs.    “You've got oatmeal and...” You struggle to think of a word, you can practically feel your brain strain. “Optimism.” You settle offering a smile, she barks out a small laugh and looks at you with a raised brow. “You come up with something that starts with O.” You insist. “Also you are optimistic, you came over here hoping to trade oatmeal for a full fledged cookie.” You pointed out.    “I was hoping the love you have for me would get me a cookie.” She said looking at you with big eyes and you squint at her with yours. “You know silence hurts.” She teases making you giggle a little and shake your head. “Guess I'm not your type though.” She dramatically sighs.    “I don't even know my type, Tara.” You scoff.    It was her turn to squint at you. “I think everyone knows your type.”    “Enlighten me, maybe you'll get a cookie for it.”    “Brown hair, blue eyes, kinda brooding, incredibly greasy, handles a crossbow--don't--do not give me that confused look.” She insisted at the end. “Daryl.” She said exasperated.    “Yeah, you don't get a cookie.” You brushed off trying to hide your face.    “I most certainly do get a cookie, anyone here could get a cookie by answering that question.”    “We're friends and Daryl doesn't like me like that.”    “One, the question wasn't who likes you back it was who you like and commonly drool over and two, yes he does.” She scoffed at the end.    “I don't drool!” You gasped hitting her shoulder.    “Right, no drool cause you're too thirsty.” She teases back shoving her shoulder to yours.    You roll your eyes. “Yeah, I am thirsty, why don't you go get me a bottle of water to trade for a cookie?” You pitch trying to get off this subject and actually get some water, these cookies were great but a little dry.    “Fine.” She says getting up.    “No Dasani, get me the good stuff if you want an entire cookie.” You remind as she walks away.    She waves you off as she keeps walking and you continue to munch on your tiny dragons hoard of cookies, an entire three of them, Carol was quiet these days but this amount of cookies? Definitely a sign of love. Daryl brought you stuff too, since the beginning he's always brought you stuff...you sigh as you think about him, about all the time you've spent together over what are years now, how much you've been through together, how much you've both changed for the better...could your relationship ever change? So much in your lives had changed and just the thought made your nerves seize with a horrific mixture of excitement and fear. Excitement because who doesn't wanna be with the person they love? At the idea of going to bed together and waking up to them and than the horrifying fear that the wrong words could cause him to pull away from you, that would be the worst, you didn't even wanna think about that, no, no, no-- “You gonna take it or not?”    You almost jumped out of your skin as you came back from your thoughts to face the man they'd been about. “What?” Was all you managed.    “The water.” He said squinting at you in confusion as he once again shook it this time closer to your face.    “Oh, thanks, but what's it for?” You asked as you took it and took a sip.    “I heard from Tara you get thirsty 'round me.” You immediately choked out the water you were drinking. Fuck. Fuck. HE HEARD WHAT FROM

TARA?! “Whoa, whoa you alrigh'?!” He asked patting your back until your coughing stopped and you nodded in his direction. “You forget how'ta drink?” He teasingly scoffed.    “You leave me breathless.” You tease back as you try to get rid of the stinging in your throat with another sip of water.    “Stop.” He says as he sits down beside you and elbows you.    It's the exact same action Tara had done not five minutes ago but it makes you warm when he does it, it fills your heart and rouses a giggle from you. “Cookie?” You offer breaking it in half and offering it out to him.    “Thanks.” He says taking it from your hand and taking a bite.    “How many did you get? I got three, so far it seems to be a record and I appear to be the favourite.” You tease.    “I had four.”    “Fuck.”    He chuckles a little. “This's the first one I've had.” He lets you know.    “What're you throwing them away?”    “Carl asked for 'em, somethin' 'bout a date or somethin' with Enid.” He shrugged.    “Awe, Daryl that's cute.” You coo.    “Stop” He scoffs but you see the smile playing at the corner of his lips.    “Playing match-maker is giving a new meaning to those wings on your back, Cupid.” You can't help yourself. He rolls his eyes and looks at you annoyed but his corners give him away, you know you've got the wiggle room to keep bugging him. “Don't worry, I won't tell anyone your secret day job.” Once again the tip of your tongue finds it's way out between your teeth in glee of your own teasing.    If only you knew how far that smile got you, how that stupid cheeky smile of yours allowed you to tease him like no other. “So...why're you thirsty 'round me?”    You have to try with everything in your power not to cough up your cookie. “Oh-I-uh-I-I was trading a cookie for water with Tara, these are great but a little dry, I didn't know she was gonna get you to bring it over.” You stumble out. Sure, that's convincing enough, as long as you don't look at Daryl you can't know that he doesn't buy a single word out of your mouth. Solid plan. “I actually think this means she forfeits her cookie since you brought it and not her.” You point out trying to get off the subject. “You know she tried to trade that oatmeal mix Denise makes for one of these?” Even your laugh is a little tight.    He knows something's up, you're a decent liar so what was that? That was horrible, he'd never seen you lie so bad. “You think I bought one ounce of that bullshit?” He asked his face partially scrunching up in skepticism.    “Yeah I couldn't believe Tara thought I'd trade one of these for that oatmeal either. Real bullshit.” You avoid.    It clearly doesn't work as the skepticism on his face doesn't change until he grumbles out something with a shrug and takes another bite of the half of cookie you've given him. “Denise's oatmeal mix ain't that bad, looks like dog shit but it ain't half bad.” He points out.    “It's not bad but is it worth a cookie?” You point right back.    “Nah.” He agrees. “Why'd she wanna trade anyway? She not get one?”    “Tara got one, she's just jealous Carol loves me more and gave me three.” You say a little pridefully.    He chuckles a little and shakes his head at your delight, if that's one thing he's always liked it's how happy the little things have always made you. Whether it's him bringing you back a pen that happened to be your favourite colour or Carol giving you a cookie more than everyone else it always made you smile and over the years some days it felt like the only good in the world came from that smile. Not that he'd ever breathe a word about that. No, he'd make an ass outta himself trying to phrase that. “You gonna give it to her?”    The only thing you were planning on giving Tara was a deck over the head for telling Daryl 'you get thirsty around him.' “Maybe.” You settle on.    Things are quiet for a moment as you sit on the steps of your home, taking in the community that's around you, Daryl still feels out of place but having friends around helps him settle in enough to enjoy something as simple as this. “You gonna tell me

what she meant or am I gonna hav'ta out trade you with cookies?” He prods looking over at you.    Fuck. “That's cheating. That's abuse of power--no, no worse that is abuse of cookies.” You rush out shaking your head.    An amused breath makes it way out of him. “So you gonna or what?”    “How would Carol react if she knew you were using her cookies for evil?” You gasp.    “Probably laugh.”    Damn him, you know he's right, she'd probably arm him with more cookies. “It's just a dumb pun. You and me work up a sweat when we go out hunting together that's all she meant. Just a stupid pun, you know her jokes aren't that great.” You bluff.    That sounds like it makes sense but Daryl just doesn't buy the way you're selling this. “Why didn'tcha just say that?” He asks confused. What the Hell was going on with this 'thirsty' shit?    “I just realized it, it's such a bad joke it took me a minute.” Could you worm your way out of this? Maybe, there was a small light at the end of this tunnel that let you get through this without telling Daryl you were thirsting for him like a dehydrated fish. “I'm gonna go give her the cookie before she tries another terrible joke to get it.” The lights getting closer as you get up and he nods a little. “See you tomorrow? See if you can teach me to ride your bike?”    You don't want to give Daryl the idea you're running from him you just need to run away from this situation and it seems to work as he looks up at you and smiles a little. “I just got done tunin' it up and you wanna go and wreck it?” He teases.    “Words hurt Daryl, I only fell off once.” You gasp putting your hand over your heart.    “Yeah, sure, tell that to the dents I hammered out.” He scoffs.    “See you tomorrow.” You brush off as you turn around.    He grumbles under his breath but it's all lighthearted and you know it as you give a wave in his direction. He watches you leave and gives a small shake of his head, at least his bike is tuned up to run as good as it can so you're less likely to wipe out again. He finishes off the last bit of cookie before brushing off the crumbs on his pants. “Hey, Daryl.”    He looks over and gives a nod at Glenn who's also got a bottle of water and it gets him thinking again. “Hey, Glenn lemme ask you somethin'.”    “Yeah, sure man, what's up?” He asks as he takes a sip of water.    “Do I make you thirsty?”    Glenn coughs up his water the same way you had. “What?!” It's partial shock but mostly laughter.    “Ne'er mind.” Daryl grumbles as he gets up. He doesn't need to feel stupid for not getting this 'thirsty' bullshit.    “Wait, wait, wait.” Glenn says getting ahold of himself and reaching out to him. “Where'd you hear that phrase? I-I just need to be clued in.” He asks trying to keep his giggles in at Daryl using the word 'thirsty'. But God, that was funny.    “Tara said to get Y/N some water cause she gets thirsty 'round me, Y/N said it was just a bad joke, sure as Hell sounds like one.” Daryl explains bringing his thumb nail up to his mouth to chew on, something about this subject was starting to make him nervous.    “Ooooh.” Glenn nods as it all slides into place and again he has to desperately try not to laugh but a small chuckle makes it way out of him. “Man, Tara is dead.” He scoffs under his breath.    “Just tell me what the Hell is means.” Daryl says letting his hand drop from his mouth.    “It's uh-it's slang.” Glenn tries to explain keeping his giggle fit at bay the best he can with a deep breath. “It's when you find someone so hot they make you 'thirsty' like uh I'm thirsty for Maggie.” He explains as plainly as he can.    The annoyance is clear on Daryl's face, that slang is fuckin' stupid as far as he's concerned. “Wait.” He says as it dawns on him.    “Yeah.” Glenn confirms what Daryl's catching on too.    “Nah, that don't make sense.” Daryl denies.    “It makes sense dude.” Glenn scoffs. “You two could die of thirst beside the ocean.” He teases.    “Shut up.” Daryl barks.    Glenn knows Daryl's bark is worse than his bite when it comes to friends, the most danger he's in is

being shoved. “You asked to know.” He points out.    “That ain't how it is.” Daryl brushes off shaking his head.    “Yeah, sure. I'm gonna go quench my thirst and go see my wife.” Glenn nods with a wave as he starts to walk away. “I suggest you also quench your thirst.” He adds with a little too much glee for Daryl right now.    If he had a water bottle right now he'd quench Glenn's thirst by pegging him with it. Quench his thirst--quench his thirst?! Dumb ass, no good, fucking bullshit. That's all that was. Didn't make any Goddamn sense, he refused to have it make sense. No, no, no, no, no way in Hell. He went for a walk to clear his head of this junk but no matter how much he walked his head just kept going back to it...there was just no way you had feelings like that for him...right? His pacing was stopped by a loud. “Ow!”    He looked over to see you and Tara who was rubbing her head. “Your girlfriend is a doctor, you'll be fine.” You scoffed before walking off.    “Y/N wait up! Don't be mad please, come on.” Tara said chasing after you    'Man, Tara is dead.' Rang through his head...could it be true? ---

~Admin Coral. 🍒 Buy Me A Coffee?

[spidermanifested]

Give me your SOFTEST Bido headcanons. Can involve Greed too

uhhhhhhhhhhh fuck. soft. unfortunately most of my Soft bido thoughts are less in the realm of headcanon and more in the realm of wishful thinking because unfortunately i dont think many of the things i want to happen...... did actually happen. to my despair and chagrin

but. some nice little headcanons..... okay this might be long here is a readmore for everyones health

okay. well. i headcanon him as mostly surviving as a beggar and pickpocket in the days before the labs and after getting out he is still not immune to a little casual theft. mostly food, sometimes money and small objects-- he COULD get food at the bar but hes mostly out and about and its easier to just snag something from the market square while hes on the go yknow. but when it comes to non-food things, he rarely keeps them for himself. he brings them right back to greed along with his daily reports

he very much enjoys physical contact, partially just because. Warm. but mostly because it steadies him and reminds him hes a real person who other real people can protect and care about, like...... he wants to Be Hold so so bad. unfortunately a lot of the nest has the exact opposite response to touch, they shy away from it and need their personal space, which is an understandable response to All That but this means he does not get nearly as many hugs as he needs (and he wont exactly ask for it either because hes so bad at asking for things). thats more of a sad than a "soft" headcanon but. what im saying is hes overjoyed whenever greed pats his head. he Lives for that

he is best friends with one of the bouncers because they are both trans and i decided this for basically no reason but im sticking to my guns

had another thing i was so pumped to talk about but i FORGET and im AAAAAAAAA

he gets along very well with ulchi for some inexplicable reason. ulchi basically decided they were friends and bido went along with it and now they are in fact friends. perhaps with benefits. bido might have a type

this...........is SOLELY an 03 bido headcanon but you know that scene where bidos on the phone with greed and he sounds absolutely delighted to be talking to greed on the phone. like in his head hes sprawled out on the floor twirling the cord in his finger and kicking his legs back and forth you can hear it in his voice. anyways whenever the first time was that he used a phone to call greed-- and it may very well have been That Time-- it was also the first time hed used a phone since being in a government lab for 20 years, he was holding it extremely carefully right up to his face and when he heard greeds voice come out of it so close to his ear he just started giggling for like a solid 3 minutes. and going "hello??" and then starting giggling again like. he could not handle it. ill never forgive 03 for completely erasing the blushing at greed scene but it let me imagine this and for that ill cut it a tiny bit of slack

was the blushing at greed scene the thing i wanted to talk about i dont remember. anyways i headcanon that bido gets all blushy and smiley when greed compliments h-- oh wait thats canon isnt it! whoops! and on multiple separate occasions no less. silly me how could i forget

OH WAIT NO the thing i wanted to talk about was something similar-- i think ive seen it talked about before or it might have been me talking about it before i dont remember but. the juxtaposition of bido taunting the elric brothers going "im cool/amazing/(whatever the translation you want to go with)" and then immediately cutting to greed telling bido hes amazing. thats where hes getting his self esteem from, this isnt a one-time thing, bidos normally extremely hard on himself but because greed and the others have been working on boosting his ego he can now have those moments where he considers himself COOL and AWESOME because of his abilities. and yeah maybe he does only believe it because those abilities are helpful to the gang and he doesnt consider himself to actually be all that special without them but. theyre working on it! together! one step at a time!!! if only they actually had that time and everything didnt come crashing down

finally: he learned to play the piano after coming to the bar, he figured it would be good for figuring out his sticky pads but then kept teaching himself because hes got a real knack for music and he was having so much fun with it. sometimes he plays for the rest of the nest too and they all enjoy the music together

tumblr please dont erase parts of this response thanks

[thebluenebula]

Getting Ready for the Gala

Ashleigh AU Fic Masterlist

Ashleigh didn't like the thought of Galas. Big social events with lots of people she didn't know, and didn't want to, but all it takes is a simple question from Cassie to change Ash's mind on going.

First Xmas Gala

. . . . .

Babs, and Dick had to pick up there outfits for the Gala today, so Bruce, Kate, and I tagged along. After they got that sorted, we hung around the mall for a few hours before heading home. By time we got back, it was already past six.

Alfred was waiting to greet us. "Welcome back. Miss Sandsmark came by, she was asking for you, Miss Ashleigh."

"Did she say what she wanted?"

"No, but I did allow her to wait in your room. Unless she left unbeknownst to me, she should still be there."

I turned to the others. "I'm going to go see what's up."

"Come down in a couple minutes, we'll have some ice cream." Bruce shouted after me as I ran up the stairs.

I got to my room, and Cassie was sitting on the bed, looking through one of my sketch book. "Hey."

She looked up. "Hey. Alfred said I could wait up here. Hope that's okay?"

"Yeah, absolutely."

She set down the sketch pad as she got up. "They're good. You should try posting them online, or something."

"I have a Pixtagram for that."

"You do? You never mentioned it."

"Never came up."

She looked at the two bags I was holding. "Whatcha got?"

"Stuffs. I was shopping."

"Anything nice?"

"Plenty. Bab's, and Dick had to go pick up their clothes for the Gala. You should see them. They're beautiful."

"I bet. Speaking of the Gala, I was wondering if you were planning to go?"

"No, I'm not."

"Would you consider it?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to come as my date?"

"Like a date, date?"

She gave me a confused look. "Yes?"

"Like a, I like you and want to go on a romantic date with you, date?"

She grabbed my shoulder, and shook me. "Yes, for the love of god, Ash."

"I just want to be sure."

"And now that you are?"

So many thoughts raced through my head in that moment. "I'd love to."

She awkwardly rubbed her neck. "I was kind of expecting you to be here earlier, so we could've talked more about this, but I've got to run right now, I have a thing with Donna."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"My bad, I should have called before I came over, but maybe we can talk later, over call?"

"Yeah, absolutely."

Cassie rushed out of the room. "Thank you. Talk to you later."

I took a moment to get my thoughts together, before heading down to the kitchen. I hadn't planned to go to the Gala, but I guess now I had to.

Bruce, Kate, Dick, and Babs sat at the table eating ice cream. Bruce looked up from his treat. "Does Cassie not want any?"

"No, she left. Had something with Donna."

"Oh, what'd she come around for?"

Kate smacked the back of his head. "Stop being nosey."

"Ow!"

Bruce went to smack Kate, but she grabbed his hand. "Dont even fucking think about it."

I smiled at the two. Sometimes it was hard to believe they weren't siblings.

"Do not make me come in there!" Alfred shouted from the adjacent room.

Their hands quickly shot to their sides. Dick handed me a bowl of ice cream. "If you wait any longer, you'll need a straw."

"Thanks." I leaned against the counter. My mind was racing. I'd never been on a date. I definitely could use some advice, but who to ask? Dicks got the most experience, Babs has common sense, Kate is easy to talk to, and Bruce, well I don't think he's been on a proper date with anyone that's not a villian in quite a while, but it'd be nice to ask him.

"Ashleigh? Ashleigh!"

Something bounced off my forehead, snapping me back to reality. "Huh?"

Kate was staring at me. "You alright?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Cause I had to bounce a napkin off your head to get your attention."

I looked at the crumpled up napkin on the floor. "I was just thinking."

"About?"

When in doubt, pick every option. "Cassie just asked me on a date, to the Gala."

Dick jumped up excitedly. "Really?"

Babs grabbed his hand. "Calm down, Romeo."

Bruce got up, and leaned against the counter beside me. "What did you say?"

"Oh, I said yes."

He lay a hand on my shoulder. "I guess you're going to the Gala after all."

"Guess so."

"You okay?"

"I've never actually been on a date."

"Don't worry, between everyone in this house, we have plenty of experience."

Cassie and I talked later that day, as we said we would. We confirmed our plans for the Gala, then we talked about feelings. More her then me. I'd never really talked feelings to Cassie much. I never felt the need to.

She told me how she'd thought I was cute the first day we met, how over the next six months she'd formed a crush on me. With some encouragement from Donna, and Artemis, she decided to ask me to the Gala.

Of course I thought she was cute as well, and sure, I'd thought about asking her out, but I never intended to act on those thoughts. I figured a couple of weeks, and they'd pass, but she asked me, and I said yes.

The next week was full of preparing. Babs had agreed to show me how to dance, and Dick wanted to help me with an outfit.

So the next day, I found myself standing in the middle of the ballroom. It was still crazy to me, to be living in a house with it's own ball room.

Babs entered, followed by Cass, Steph, and Dick. "So you ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

"Cass will be your dance partner."

"Why Cass?" Not that I had a problem with Cass, but I had expected one of the others.

"Because no matter how badly you mess up, you won't knock her off her feet."

"This is why your the smart one."

Steph scoffed. "Tim's the smart one."

"But Bab's has brains, and common sense."

"Yeah, that's fair."

I gestured to Steph, and Dick. "And why they here?"

"They wanted to watch, plus they're want to sort out your outfit after we're done."

"Alright."

"Okay. Cass will lead first. Just do as she does."

Cass took my left hand and draped it over her shoulder, then placed her right hand on my side. She took my free hand in hers. "Ready?"

"Don't blame me if I trip over your feet."

"Scuff my shoes, and you will live in constant fear of my vengeance."

I nervously giggled. "That's a joke, right?"

She smirked, and took a step to the left and I followed. Then another. "Now right." Two steps to the right.

We repeated these steps over, and over again. I watched our feet as we moved from left to right. It was simple, but I did have a serious case of two left feet.

Babs coughed. "Eyes up, Ash."

I quickly looked over to her. "I was watching our feet, I swear."

"I know that, your hand would already be broken if you hadn't been, but keep eye contact. Focus on her."

I nodded, and looked to Cass. "How am I doing?'

She had a reassuring smile on my face. "Great."

We kept at it for a while, slowly adding more, and more on. After a while, Babs decided we were finished for the day.

Dick, and Steph quickly took this opportunity to drag me away to my room to sort out an outfit. Dick, and Steph sat down on the bed. The two already had their outfits sorted, so they insisted on helping me.

Dick clapped. "Let's get started. If we want something made in time for the Gala you're gonna have to decide on it soon. So whatcha thinking?"

"Made? Can't I just buy something?"

"You could, but getting one made just adds a bit more you to it."

"But thats so ex-"

"Don't say it."

"That's so impractical."

Steph smiled. "Practicals boring anyway."

Dick nodded in agreement. "So come on Ash, if you could have any dress in the world made for you, what would it look like."

I thought for a moment. "It'd be blue, maybe."

Steph leaned forward. "Is that it? You don't have anything... more specific in mind."

"Well I have loads of ideas, but most them don't really work together."

"Just start shooting 'em out."

"Hold on." I opened a folder on my phone, and handed it to Dick. It was full of my ideas for outfits. It had pictures of dresses, and sketches I'd done. "These are some of the ideas I've had."

Dick quickly scrolled through the pictures before handing it to Steph. "Ash, how long have you been thinking about getting a dress?"

"A while."

"I can tell."

Steph set down the phone. "Lots of  potential candidates here, but you'll have to pick a favourite."

I sat beside her. "So what do I choose?"

"That's your decision."

"Steph, you know I hate functioning as an independent human."

"If I'm making all the decisions, I'm the one going on the date."

"I can't tell if you're serious or not."

Her eyes narrowed. "Try me."

Dick grabbed her shoulder. "You agreed you weren't going to steal anyone elses date."

"Wait!" I was flabbergasted. "You actually stole someone's date?"

"They said I was bluffing."

"Who?"

"Harper."

"She must have been so pissed."

"I think she was actually more impressed then pissed. You should ask her to tell you about it sometime."

"Yeah, I will."

We began weeding through the ideas. A little while later, and we were left with three outfits.

I looked at the remaining ideas. "My brain can't decide between them."

Dick stood. "Well you don't necessarily need to pick right now. Sit on it overnight, and we can talk about it in the morning, but for now, we've got to get supper."

We got supper, and headed to bed. I didn't sleep, instead I spent hours reading articles about first dates, advice, things to avoid, etc. Morning came before sleep, so I got up. Alfred was the only one in the kitchen. I skipped the breakfast, just got a cup of coffee, and sat down.

Alfred came over. "Are you alright, Miss Ashleigh?"

I looked up from my phone. "Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Because if you tighten your grip on that mug anymore it may shatter."

I hadn't even realized how tight I was gripping it. "Sorry."

"Don't worry, it certainly wouldn't have been a first." He sat down beside me. "Now, do you wish to tell me what is bothering you?"

I set my phone down. "Well I was reading online about flowers for my date with Cassie, and I don't know, a lot of these articles say they're out dated."

"Believe it or not Miss Ashleigh, but its had been quite a while since I've been on a first date, but in my experience you can't go wrong with flowers."

"They're just really cliche, I don't want her to think I put no effort into this."

"Miss Sandsmark has been coming around this house for years now, and I know for certain, that no matter what you do, she'll know you put your heart, and soul into whatever you choose."

"Thank you, Alfred. Since you're clearly a Silver Fox, any advice on flowers?"

"As a matter of fact, I've been growing these rather delightful flowers in the garden that I feel Miss Sandsmark would love."

"I can't just take them Alfred, you work so hard on that garden."

He stood up. "Nonsense, it's only a few, plus it will be nice to see them serve a purpose."

I followed Alfred out into the garden. The flowers he showed me were perfect. The colours popped, and they looked amazing.

The rest of the week came, and went in what felt like an instant. I sorted out the dress with Dick, and Steph the next morning. It arrived later in the week, looking exactly like something out of my dreams. I tried it on, and it fit perfectly. It wasn't until I stepped out to show it to Dick, and Steph that I realized the problem. I was terrified. Terrified of the thought of being in public with this, of Cassie seeing me in this, but it was too late to back out now.

Every evening was spent with Babs, and Cass practicing dancing. By the end of it, I was actually okay, and, more importantly, I was enjoying it.

The night before the Gala, Carrie had insisted on stealing a handful of us away to see her new dress. Duke, Harper, and I sat on her bed facing the wall.

"Alright, turn around."

We all turned back to Carrie. She stood in front of us in a green sun dress. The colour perfectly matched the lenses of her glasses.

Duke smiled. "It's beautiful Carrie."

Harper stared at her for a moment. Tilting her head from one side to another. "It's lovely Carrie."

"But?"

Harper looked at her curiously. "But?"

"You usually have some kind of smart ass comment."

"Carrie, for once can't I just appreciate how amazing you look in a dress without making a smart comment?"

"You can't think of anything, can you?"

Harper sighed. "I've got nothing."

Carrie turned to me. "What about you, Ash, nothing to say?"

"You look gorgeous, Carrie."

"Thank you."

Duke looked over to me. "So, Ash, when are we seeing your dress?"

"When I wear it tommorow."

Harper bumped me. "Come on, Ash. Give us a sneak peek."

"You'll see it, when I wear it."

We giggled, and chatted for hours before I headed back to my room. I sat on my bed. I was knackered, but I didn't feel like sleeping. I was too... excited, or maybe it was the nerves.

A knock at the door drew my attention. Jay walked in holding a garment bag. "Hey."

I looked at her curiously. "Hi. What's that?"

He lay the bag down on the bed. "It's one of Harper's old suit. It should fit you."

"Thanks, but why?"

"You don't exactly seem... comfortable in the dress, I figured, if you need it, this can be an alternative."

"Thanks, Jay."

"Just remeber, Ash, we'll be there tomorrow. If someone so much as looks at you wrong, just tell me."

I looked at him curiously. "What would you do?"

He smile, and cracked his knuckles. "I'd make sure they'd never do it again."

I giggled. I'm sure that was just a joke, right? "Thank you, Jay."

He got up, and ruffled my hair. "Enjoy tommorow, kid."

He left me alone. I lay down, and let my thoughts run away.

. . . . .

So writing took like forever, but it was really fun, and is kinda important for some of my future ideas so I hope you enoyed.

[sup4l3e]

I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

[turtle-steverogers]

Not Guilty- 2

murder mystery’s back! im having too much fun with this story guys

Link to chap 1 in case you need it

warnings: albert being a human disaster, abuse of the word ‘milk’

ship: ralbert, platonic spalbert

word count: 1680

editing: lmaoooo no

Chap 2

When Albert gets to the precinct the next morning, he’s wary to find a wrapped parcel on his desk that looks suspiciously like a sandwich.  He pokes at it, frowning when he sees a singular smiley face drawn on the underside in black sharpie.

 “Hey, uh, Spot?” He calls, looking up when he hears his partner’s chair roll out from his desk and subsequently poke his head around the low wooden wall that separates their cubicles.

“Yes, honeycakes?” Spot’s expression is the face of innocence and Albert’s stomach churns.

“Did you-” He stumbles, gesturing to the presumed sandwich, “Is this for me?”

“It’s on your desk, isn’t it?” Spot smiles, rolling back into his cubicle.

Albert sighs, taking off his messenger bag and jacket and sitting heavily in his desk chair.  He cautiously unwraps the white paper to find a loaded meatball sub sitting in the middle of a napkin.  There’s a sticky note placed delicately on the fluffy white bread and Albert plucks it up, squinting at the words:

Sorry you didn’t finish your sandwich xoxo Spottie

He laughs probably too loud and sticks the sticky note on his desktop, right next to the note from Jack that reads: ‘I’m sorry for stealing your pants, I had brains on mine’ after Jack had taken his extra pair of slacks from his locker when his got spoiled at a crime scene.

He takes a bite of the sandwich, pleased to find that he can still stomach his favorite Gianno’s special after yesterday’s events.  As he chews, careful not to get any tomato sauce on his shirt, he plucks a sticky note from his own pad and scrawls out: Thanks, Pop Spotcket.  Love u, dear xoxo and tosses it over to Spot.

A moment later, Spot snorts indignantly, “‘Pop Spotcket’? Really? Does anyone actually use those anymore?  The only person I know who has one is my niece and she’s eleven.”

Albert rolls his chair so he’s in Spot’s cubicle, sandwich still in hand, “I have one, asshole.  They’re useful.  Anyway, thanks for the sandwich.  How’s it looking at Gianno’s?”

Spot sighs wearily, placing a stack of papers down and turning from his computer to look at Albert, “Eh.  They’re closed today.  I stopped by this morning to pick up some evidence left at the crime scene and one of the waiters asked if I wanted anything and I remembered that you didn’t get to finish your lunch yesterday so…”

“Thanks, man,” Albert says, mouth full.  Spot wrinkles his nose and tells him not to speak with food in his mouth.  Albert rolls his eyes, “Anyway, evidence?  What’s new?”

“Nothing really,” Spot says, “Just Wiesel’s receipt from his last meal.  Wasn’t really much on it, but it gave us a sure timestamp that lines up with our original record, so at least that’s set.”

“Good,” Albert shoves the last bit of sandwich into his mouth, licking his fingers.

“Yeah.  Saw our boy there, though.”

Albert raises his eyebrows, “Higgins?”

“Mhm.”

“How’s he?”

Spot shrugs, “Didn’t talk to him.  Kid looked like shit.  Well, more shitty than yesterday if that’s somehow possible.  Kept sending cute little glares my way, fucking ray of sunshine, that one.”

“Christ,” Albert grimaces, “I’m convinced he’s a player in this debacle somehow.  I mean, he seemed genuinely surprised when he found out the vic was Wiesel, but too many strings lead to connections on his end.”

“Yeah,” Spot agrees, “I dunno, I say we dig a little into Wiesel’s other relations as well.  I feel like there’s a gap here somewhere.”

“Toxicology came back,” Albert says after a pause.

Spot looks at him, eyebrows raised, “And?”

“Sarin poison in the blood.  Stab wounds were post-mortem.  Someone wanted this shit to look messier than it is.”

“Interesting.  I wonder who’d go through the trouble of poisoning, then following up with a physical attack.  ‘Specially in a public place.  S’kinda risky.”

“That’s what I was thinking, but whoever it was, clearly knew what they were doing.”

“Clearly…”

XXX

Albert never understood why there was such a wide variety of milks in the world.  And why, in this moment, he can’t find any simple fucking 2%.  

He scans over the selection again, bypassing the almond and oat milks and skimming over the fritzy lactose free shit.  There’s strawberry milk and chocolate milk on display and even horrifyingly enough, mint milk, but no fucking 2%.  It’s not even like this fucking bodega is big enough to warrant having so many milks. 

He just wants some damn normal person milk!

“Excuse me, detective.” 

Albert doesn’t startle.  He doesn’t.  He’s a trained law enforcement officer and detective.  People like him don’t fucking startle.  But, he is on high, professional alert when he turns around to see Antonio Fucking Higgins standing behind him, eyebrows raised in what’s probably amusement and hands shoved in his pockets.

Albert makes a strangled noise, eyes working on their own accord as they trail down Higgins’ body.  He’s sweaty, looking like he just came from some sort of workout, and a pair of tight adidas running pants hug his legs in all the right places.  He’s in a tank top today, somehow doing his arms more justice than the grey shirt he’d been wearing yesterday.  A hat sits backwards on his head, doing little to tame the curls that are trying to sneak out of the stupid hole where the strap meets the fabric.  He looks hot and it’s unfair and Albert’s never been ashamed of his sexuality, but right now he’s wishing that he could reign in his gay ass a little bit because aside from the fact that Higgins is a bit of a prick, he’s also a suspect and that’s, like, number one in the Book of Nope for cops of any kind.

Higgins is still looking at him, but now there’s a small crease of concern between his eyebrows, “You alright, man?” He asks, “You look kinda like you’re having a heart attack.  Do you have any chest pain?  Your left arm feel numb at all?”

Albert shakes himself, morphing his expression into something he hopes looks less like Gay Panic, “Yeah, sorry, I-” He splutters a bit, then shuts his mouth with a click.  

Higgins scoffs, “I just need milk, man, you mind?”

Albert starts, hastily stepping out from where he was definitely blocking the milk selection and watching as Race grabs a carton of-- fucking 2%.  How did he find it so fast?  How did Albert not see it?  He’s supposed to be the one trained to look for details others don’t see!

Trying not to flush, Albert reaches out and grabs a carton as well and Higgins looks at him again, laughing, “You were standing here for a long time, dude, I thought you were gonna murder the milk for a second.”

“Couldn’t find the 2%.” Albert mumbles, blushing harder when Higgins laughs louder.

“Real good reconnaissance there, detective.”

When Higgins is laughing, his face changes into something a whole lot more pleasant.  Not that it was ever unpleasant (the dude’s got a jawline of a god), but some of the hardness in his eyes and shadows on his face go away and for just a second, he looks like the 25 year old he’s supposed to be.  It’s nice, Albert thinks, ignoring the way alarm bells are going off in his head.

“Shut up, Higgins, I’m tired.  Some of us have to read about murders all day, so excuse me if my milk finding skills aren’t the most refined.”

Higgins’ face softens and the smile in his eyes turns into something else that Albert doesn’t want to dissect, “Race.”

“What?”

“Higgins is my dad, not me.  And I don’t like the name Antonio very much, so if we’re gonna be talking more, be it over murder or milk, call me Race.”

“Race?”

Higgins--Race--winks, “That’s a story for level five amici.”

“Oh, okay.”

They pause for a moment and even though Albert’s not drunk, his inhibitions seem to flutter away from him against his will as he blurts out, “Drinks sometime? Would- uh- would you wanna get drinks sometime?”

And fuck-fuck- SHIT- what are you doing Dasilva? What the fuck?

Race considers him for a moment, “Not that I wouldn’t hit that,” he nods to Albert’s body and Albert flushes.  Damnit with the flushing!  He’s 26, not some flouncy high schooler, “But I don’t think that’s a good idea, detective.”

Albert nods, “No, yeah, honestly I don’t know why I asked- uh-”

“Relax, don’t have an aneurysm, it’s okay.  I just don’t think it’s a good idea right now.”

“No no, you’re right.  Absolutely.”

There’s another pause, then Race smiles apologetically, “I gotta go get the rest of my groceries.  Take care.”

Albert cringes internally at how fucking painfully awkward this exchange has been, “You too,” he says, watching Race retreat to the wine aisle.  He takes another moment to gather himself, then goes to the checkout line.

XXX

Albert turns up the volume on his TV, pleased with the quiet solitude of his apartment for the night.  He doesn’t love living alone, but it’s been a long couple days and he’s been looking forward to a night to himself since he’d woken up that morning.  Just him, some thai, and the Animal Planet playing reruns of ‘It’s Me or the Dog’ all night.  Fucking self care.

He’s just yelling at some dog owner on the TV for feeding his pug 24 eggs a day and watching as Victoria Stilwell chews out the greasy fucker when his phone rings on the coffee table in front of him. 

Groaning, Albert mutes the show and chugs down a few sips of beer, before picking up the phone and answering with an annoyed, “Someone better be dying.”

There’s silence on the other end and Albert pulls the phone away from his ear to check the caller ID.  It’s Spot.  Shit, someone might actually be dying.”

“Spot?  Everything okay?”

Spot sounds sheepish when he says, “Well no one’s dying, technically…”

“But…”

“There was another murder.”

“Shit.”

-

Race went straight home after the bodega, right? RIGHT!??!? stay tuned ;)

thanks saph for ‘pop spotcket’

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

TAG LIST: @getchapapes @we-dont-sell-papes @suddenly-im-respecsable 

@aw-jus-let-em-try @well-the-kids-do-too @spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @felix-loves-albert-and-ralbert @technically-whizzy

@andthewoildwillknow @the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog @localfakeitalian @have-we-got-news-for-you @musical-shitposts @thebroadwayaesthetic

@thomasbeingthomas

@irondad-spiderson-duo

@snakesarenonexistent 

@i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing 

@kpop-kk

@mentallytiredgoat

@yxseminx

@be-more-chill-evan-hansen 

@stopthe-presses

@elmers-half-a-cup

@and-i-lostmy-shoe

@spot-me50-papes

@honeynutpoptarts

@newsies-ensemble

@bennie-badeend 

@auspicioustarantula 

@faithmil 

@hopefully-not-the-ghostbusters

@bxnesof92

@backgroundensemble

@sure-as-a-star

@skybert-daherty 

@eveningpaper

@malex-13

@albert-eats-cookie-cake

@heart-a-n-o-n

@bitching-newsboys

@orollyitsracetrackhiggins

@joshuaburrageenthusiast

@random-superhero-stuff

@awkwardstranger98

@falling-out-trees-101

@modern-race-owns-airpods

@asphodelnerd

@i-dont-do-sadness

@rockyroad236

@sirgrahamcracker

@godhatesjordan

@thats-our-que-boys

@bastille-smedry

@nerdsies

@toss-me-a-pape

@wolfbutterfly42

@revolutioninthesewers

@spot-the-brooklyn-pirate

@aintnosleevesinbrooklyn

@1-800-santa-fe

[thelocalshooter]

The Local Shooter Vs. Kira

(LS) Goodmorning thank you being part of this great come up, and welcome, so Kira; do you mind telling us where you’re from and why it is that you do?

(K) Originally I’m from Mesa but I been all around, I initially got into making music by making beats. This was when I was living In Alexandria Virginia, I had a homie who had the same interests in music as me and we would try to create our own version of shit we were listening to. The homie actually put me on to a lot of legends in this scene We were barley walking into. Those artists consist of Lil Ugly Mane, Supasortahuman, and SpaceGhostPurrp, just to name a few. These influences really shaped the type of sounds I was using in my beats. I eventually started releasing my beats as $limKira just before I turned 18. I would promote myself on twitter a lot by posting little snippets of beats I was working on at that time. People would fuck with it and I was really social on my Twitter at that time always working making new connections, always sending out beats that type of shit, I happened to find myself in a group chat full of artists that were from a lot of different parts of the country and I just kept building from there. Eventually I turned 18 and made my way back home to Az were all this music shit for me really started and where I Progressed into becoming an artist of my own. FuccKira.

(LS) Being from Arizona how do you feel the music scene has changed in the last couple years? I know we’ve had prior interaction through Ace McCain but doing it back then I’m sure was a bit more different and definitely harder based off the fact people didn’t really have venue selections, or even ways to get music recorded, but now everyone is throwing shoes left and right! Do you think Arizona separates themselves within groups or? As far as being an east valley or west valley artist.

(K) Not too familiar with Ace McCain but I’m really close with Multiplexes out there, he pretty much took me under his wing when everything else didn’t pan out as planned, really good and genuine dude he is. But to be honest I feel like I haven’t been in Arizona in so long I can’t give an opinion on the current state of the music scene, I know when I was out there in 2017-2018 the group I was with would get shows at club red or it’d be a warehouse show and shit would be jumpin. Recording wasn’t really a problem for me cause we’d just record at a homies crib or wherever we were staying at, it’s all about the mixing lmao but a lot of bridges since then have been burned so for me now it’s really a matter of staying true and making good music. Don’t get me wrong although the Music scene in Arizona can get hectic, it is definitely full of talent no matter where your from within it or who you fuck with out there, and just for the record I have love for everyone out there It takes a lot to be an artist and to be a successful one at that and so it’s always respect from my side.

(LS) You’ve released many projects and have done a handful of shows, why do you think you’re still missing as an artist? Are you constantly elevating yourself to be greater or are you still trying to figure it out yourself?

(K) Facts, I have released many tracks but they’re not anything I would say I’m proud of and that’s why I’m missing as an artist because I’m still trying to figure out what music I love making. I haven't truly focused on only myself or my own progression with my music and that’s another reason why I feel I’m still missing as an artist, my confidence behind each track needs to be 100% in order for me to drop and feel good about it. That’s why most of my tracks are on private and I’ve only got 3 tracks on my SoundCloud currently . They need to be worth listening. I want people to hear my music and want the next track immediately. Shows are always fun and give people a way of seeing a face behind the music, my experience with shows has taught me it really brings a better connection with your audience/fanbase when your up there performing what they been bumping on their own time, that was a big favorite of mine out there was seeing the energy at each show. I remember waking up the next day after my first show with my whole body sore ready to schedule the next one. As far as the question goes I’m still trynna figure myself out as an artist, but progress is definitely being made. I’m always looking to make a better track than my last, so I would also say it’s a goal of mine to continue to exceed my own Expectations.

(LS) What the next move? You currently dropped “Voodoo” (https://soundcloud.com/fucckira/voodoo-prod-srry ) over 48 hours ago, now do you plan on doing any visuals or are you already back in the booth?

(K) A visual would be cool for the track, I might look into getting one made for it if the track continues to do well. Visuals are 2nd to my priority when it comes to what I’m trynna do right now. Actually releasing quality music is my main focus right now but like I said I’d be down to do a video, I actually know a couple people that can get that done. As far as any new music I do have a song ready to release prod. rose (my lil bro) , it’s wild my lil bro watched me do all this shit as a kid and now he’s making beats for other artists and myself. Deadass makes better beats than I ever did and he makes em off his phone lmaoo fuck a beat pad kids only 15 too. No doubt in my mind he’s gonna be successful. Lil dude is already building connections wit people on his own it’s only a matter of time.

K- Goals for me this year is to really gain and maintain a steady fan base. Thats something I’ve always strived for and wanted, I love when people give me feedback on how the songs make them feel, like I said energy is a big thing for me. I also would like to finally figure myself out as an artist and find my own sound I feel like I’m on my way there. Besides music I fuck with clothes heavy my homie Albert owns a brand out there called Macabre, fuckin ridiculous. I don’t own a single shirt that doesn’t say macabre. Anyway I would be down to do modeling for any upcoming clothing designers or any street wear brands. I’ve done it in the past for Garza out in AZ, (idk if your familiar) but it’s pretty cool would love more opportunities like that from other designers/brands.

(LS) With music being a main focus for you I’m sure it has a heavy impact on your life, when do you first remember falling in love with music? Was it a certain track? A certain time in your life?

K- I remember the first major thing I did for

music was use the money I had saved up for a

car to buy a new computer to make music on

because my laptop had completely died. Had to use my skate board to get everywhere until I turned 18 and got a car lmao. During this time in my life my parents trust in me was at 0 so I pretty much was secluded to my room most of the time making beats and getting high. Music was all I had when I felt I had nothing so I believe buying that computer was a pretty fuckin good decision. Just wish I coulda used Uber back then lmao

(LS) As an artist, do you find it difficult to work with other artist? Especially other local artist? Being that everyone in Arizona has their own sound, do you usually go out of state for collabs or how does that work?

K- working with other artist isn’t hard at all. I’m very straight forward when it comes to the music ima be working on. If I dont fuck with it I’ll tell you and try to find something I can get a hit with us both on. As far as Collabs go I don’t like doing them if I’m being honest. Reason being I just truly believe I’m better off on my own shit UNLESS the energy is right. If we in the Stu and everything is going right and the engineer knows what he’s doing and everythings organic then fuck yeah that’s a collab ima fuck with. Dont get me wrong I still got collabs on the way. matter of fact I have a few with some artist out of El Paso, TX

Chris Apex , Saybien and Jesse Commas just to name a few.

(LS) Are you looking to stay independent? Or to sign a deal one day? What’s your game plan as far as career wise? And why? Which do you think will help you more in the long run?

K- I wouldn’t be opposed to signing a deal one day but the freedom of being an independent artists is something that would be hard to give up. I’m really early in this scene as far as being an artist so for now I’m just focused on releasing quality music and gaining a loyal fan base. I feel if my supporters are behind me with every track I drop it’s bound to bring me more opportunities in the future.

(LS) Making music for over 5 years already, what’s are some tips or struggles you faced as an artist you’d like to let new up and coming artist know? Any motivation you can give knowing how hard the grind is?

K- lmao don’t join any groups. Stick to yourself. Be transparent and be consistent! Don’t be scared to be social either that’s how you build connections. When I first started I would send beats to MY favorite artists for ex. Supasortahuman was one of the first artist to follow me back and support my music by telling me through dm. That was wild to me because like I said previously he was an inspiration for me when I was barley starting making beats. For him to tell me he fucks with my music and he keeps up with me really gave me the motivation to keep making music and sending it out.You never know. Shouts out sortahuman too he still supporting the music I make as an artist.

(LS) Thank you again for being apart of this great come up and is there any last things you’d like to mention to the viewers? And links you wanna add where they can check out your music or even contact you? Much love Kira!

(K) Viewers can keep up with me through my social media’s!

Instagram.com/fucckira

Twitter.com/fucckira

Also my Music Links:

SoundCloud.com/fucckira

Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/fucckira/1485190577

Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/artist/0brnKNJ2UDC6e4dAOXU6YN?si=mx245oXGTEO6WtaBlRLK3Q

Thank you for the opportunity to let y’all know a little bit about me and what my goals are looking like this year. I appreciate all the love and support. More music coming soon!

[anarcoqueer1994]

Don't Let Me Go

*This is a Trans!TJ story I wrote a month ago on Archive of Our Own. Hope you like it. (Also you are still so valid if you dont pass or dont want to pass <3)

TJ was a boy. He had always felt like a boy. Even when he was young, and he would be put into cutesy little dresses like the girls in his class(he knows some boys wear dresses, he just doesn't feel great in them.), or when people would call him she/her, or when the other boys would exclude him because "No Girls Allowed", he knew he was a boy.

In the third grade, his wonderful mother, let him chop off his long hair and let him start wearing "boy's clothes." Some kids were mean of course but his big sister, Amber, wouldn't let anyone mess with him.

The most painful person to remember was Jay. Jay promised to be his best friend. But as soon as he started dressing more like a traditional boy, Jay made fun of him for being a freak. He said he was not a real boy. It broke his heart.

TJ never wanted to feel hurt like that again. TJ began forcing himself to be meaner, tougher, anything to make himself seem more masculine. He desperately wanted to pass. He did not want anyone to question who he was, that he was a boy. Unfortunately, one thing held him up from being able to hide that he was a trans boy, everyone in his class remembered when he presented as a girl, and many of them never quite treated him like a "real" boy. It was not fair. He was a boy just like all the other guys in his class but just because he was born with different parts, he was treated differently.

This all changed in middle school. Shadyside had a few different schools depending where you lived in town. TJ's mother talked to the school district, and managed to get him sent to Jefferson. It was across town from him and no one from his elementary school would be there. Only a few teachers would know that he was trans. This was an opportunity for him to blend it.

Unfortunately, this was also a time where puberty was kicking in. So even though he was in a new school, he was still nervous. He began binding the summer before 6th grade. On his first day of Jefferson, he made sure everyone knew that he was a tough guy that should not be messed with. He established himself early as a bully. He figured no one could hurt him if he pushes them away first He also made it clear that he was the best basketball player and by the end of the year he knew he was going to be the captain of the basketball team the following year. Plus he was so glad that he was allowed in the boys team, no question. He goes out of his way though to stay after practice to clean up so he doesn't have to deal with the locker room awkwardness. He has pulled it off, no one knew his secret.

By 7th grade, he could basically do anything. He was a popular jock. But he also had built up a thick wall around him. That's when Buffy Driscoll ruined everything for him. How could coach let a girl on the team? It was a boy only space. No one questioned him being in it because everyone knew he was a boy. Then here comes Buffy, a girl, intruding in. Plus...she was just as good of a player as him. That's really scared him. Basketball was all he had. He wasn't good at math, he felt like a freak whenever he looked in the mirror, he had to work harder and harder to keep his voice deep, but basketball made him feel like he was worth something.

So he was a jerk to her. Part of him felt bad about it but he needed to protect himself. He was even crappy when he was forced to ask her to tutor him. He was doing fine at keeping up being mean until she introduced him to that short, adorable, dork, Cyrus. The moment TJ laid eyes on him and his cute smile, he felt like his world was going to crash down around him. On one hand, he loved that he helped this sweet cutie get a muffin. It made him feel like a tough protector, very manly.

But on the other hand, the butterflies in his stomach were making him feel weak. He can't believe his first crush...is on a guy. He couldn't believe it, not only was he trans, but now he is worried he is gay too. But no matter how worried about getting close to Cyrus or being gay he was, he couldn't help himself.

He remembers seeing the boy swinging alone and he could of just passed by but he didn't. Against his better judgement, he walked up to the boy and started to talk. He was a little saddened when Cyrus thought of him as a scary basketball guy, but that was his own fault. But when he said his name, Cyrus said he knew. TJ smiled to himself thinking about Cyrus knowing his name. .And then that boy smiled at him...no for him.That beautiful smile was for TJ and TJ alone. Cyrus was enjoying hanging out with TJ. TJ thinks about how he laughed and screamed while TJ pushed him on the swing. When his hands touched Cyrus' back, he almost forgot to breathe. Then he ran under the swing and yelled "Underdog." That's when he got to see Cyrus' sweet face as he was swinging.

It was a few weeks later though that he knew for sure that Cyrus had his heart. TJ was angry about feeling stupid and not being allowed in the game. He decided letting Cyrus get close to him was too much of a risk at that moment. He was so mean when Cyrus came to check on him. But then instead of giving up, that persistent boy followed TJ. Cyrus had left the game where his best friend was the star to be with him. Cyrus managed to help him with his feelings towards his learning disability. When he said there was nothing wrong him, TJ knew this Cyrus could see past the mean exterior he put up, and still liked what he saw underneath. And like that TJ's walls started to crumbled down, even if it was just for Cyrus at first.

In the year that followed, he started opening up for others too. He lost some friends, Reed and Lester, but gained better ones in Cyrus' friends. He has to admit he was a little nervous at first with Jonah, given that they played little league together but it's fine. Jonah either doesn't remember that TJ is trans or is just respectful enough not to out him.

He was truly happy right now. It was the first time in his life he felt good about everything going on. It was the weekend during the winter break of his eighth grade year. He, Amber, Andi, Buffy, Marty, Jonah, and of course, Cyrus, were going sledding. They meet up at The Spoon, and walk over to the tallest hill in Shadyside together. On the way over Cyrus is visibly nervous.

Cyrus lets out a nervous laugh. "So anyways, I think I will stay back on the top of the hill and watch every one's stuff. I'm cool not sledding."

Buffy rolls her eyes. "You know you have to face your fear sometime. Come on sledding can be fun."

"Yea, didn't you dirt bike a few months ago? This is way less scary." Andi chimes in.

"Wrong. I had a helmet and padding on. There is nothing separating me and the icy ground if I fall out of the sled. " Cyrus retorts.

TJ lets out a little huff of a laugh. "Underdog, you can go down with me if you want. I mean I can protect you from the ground. I promise I won't let go." TJ smiles. Andi and Buffy exchange knowing looks. TJ become self conscious all of a sudden. "I mean of course if you want to...you don't have to."

"No actually that would be great. Cross another thing off my bucket list. But you gotta keep your promise to protect me, deal?" Cyrus smiles and slips in a little wink.

TJ blushes but hopes people don't notice because of the cold air. His heart feels like it is going to beat out of his chest. He wonders if Cyrus realizes that he is flirting. No, of course he is not flirting. He is probably not even gay. TJ is just reading too much into it, right? He composed himself and says "Deal, Cy."

"Alright Cyrus!" Jonah pats him on the back. "You're going to sled!" TJ subconsciously gets a little jealous of the smile Cyrus flashes at Jonah but ignores the feeling.

They finish making their way to the hill. Marty and Buffy waste no time, already making it a contest to see who can get down to the bottom first. The others are moving more leisurely. Despite the earlier conversation, TJ notices Cyrus standing back. He looks apprehensively at the hill.

TJ walks up to him and says softly, "You don't have to do this, Cyrus." He tries to ignore how close Cyrus is to him right now. He can't believe Cyrus can make him feel so weak.

"No Teej, I...I want to. Let's um do this, okay?" He gives a small smile.

TJ leads the shorter boy over to sleds. He sits down in the back of a long plastic sled and puts his leg on either side of it so Cyrus has room to get in. TJ says one more time. "You don't have to Underdog."

"No I'm going to." Cyrus gets into the sled as confidently as he can. His back is resting against TJ's chest. TJ is pretty sure Cyrus can feel his heart pounding even through a thick winter coat, a hoodie, a t-shirt and his binder. Cyrus says "Now remember, you said you promise you won't let go." The brunette says while looking down at TJ's hands just resting on the sides of them.

"Oh...yeah ..um...sorry." TJ nervously wraps his arms around Cyrus' body. He keeps telling himself that this is no big deal. You are just helping your friend. "Ready, Muffin?" TJ suddenly gets really stiff. He can't believe that came out of his mouth.

"What did you just call me?" Cyrus twists his head around to look at the blonde.

"Oh God, I'm sorry...it just came out...I'm sorry…" TJ starts to ramble.

"No, it's fine. It's cute." Cyrus gives a big smile before turning back around.

Cute. Did Cyrus just call something he did, cute? His head was racing with so many thoughts. He has to remind himself to kick off.

"As I was saying, ready?"

Cyrus nods as TJ kicks off. He feels Cyrus place his own hands over TJs arms as they speed down the hill. Cyrus is yelling like he did that first day at the swing set. TJ can't see his face but know he smiling. And TJ is smiling too like a love struck idiot. He couldn't be gladder that Cyrus could not see him.

Eventually they come to a stop at the bottom of the hill. Cyrus turns his head to look back at TJ again. "That was exhilarating!"

"I told you I would not let anything happen to you." TJ gives a big grin then stares at Cyrus for a moment. Suddenly he realizes he is still holding onto Cyrus' waist. He haistedly goes to remove his arms.

"You could of left your arms there for a bit longer." Cyrus says casually. Oh God, TJ thought, was Cyrus really flirting with him? He doesn't know how it is possible but his heart was beating even faster. Luckily he is saved by Andi calling out to them from the too if the hill.

"Are you guys going to sled some more or sit there all day?" TJ sees Amber giggle by her side.

"We should get back up there." TJ says nervously.

"Yes, that's a good idea." Cyrus agrees before both boys get up and walk back up the hill. The kids spend the rest of the afternoon sledding and then head back to Cyrus' dad's house to warm up. Everyone brought clothes to change into because the snow made the clothes they were wearing soaked.

Marty goes up to the second floor bathroom to change. Unfortunately, Marty doesn't realize someone is already in there when he opens the door to find TJ in the middle of changing. TJ looks mortified as the other boy quickly closes the door, apologizing as he does. TJ's back was to the door, so he isn't sure what Marty saw but he definitely feels exposed. All the worst scenarios play through his head. What if Marty goes and tells everyone what happened? He is pretty sure his friends wouldn't hate him or anything but what if they treat him differently if they knew.

He finishes putting his clothes on and slides quietly out of the bathroom. Marty isn't in the hallway, and he is relieved that he doesn't have to face him yet. He needs a bit before he goes downstairs. He sees an empty guest room a few doors down, so he goes in there to collect his thoughts. He sits on the edge of some really nicely made bed.

He is still in shock over what happened. How could he be so careless to not lock the door? He did so good blending in. He had so many plans. This coming summer, he had convinced his mom to let him start taking T. But now, no matter what he does, his friends are going to see him like his old classmates did. God, just when things were going right.

Then another thought crossed his mind. This is going to blow his chance with Cyrus. How could Cyrus want him if he knew the truth. He felt so defeated. All he wants to do is go home and lay in bed. And to think, a few hours ago, he had Cyrus against his chest and if he did not know any better, he swore Cyrus was flirting with him. He sits alone with his thoughts for a while.

He does not realize how much time he had been in that room until he hears a faint knock on the door.

"Teej? Can I come in?" It's Cyrus. His voice sounds so little. TJ knew it, Cyrus must be disappointed about TJ's secret.

TJ takes all his strength to say "Come in…" He does not turn his head to face Cyrus as he comes into the room. He is not strong enough to face him.

Cyrus speaks first. *TJ, I'm so sorry.'

This catches the blonde off guard. He turns around to meet Cyrus' eyes "Wait, why are you sorry? You didn't do anything."

"I made you feel so uncomfortable today...that's why you are you here avoiding everyone."

"Underdog, I don't know what you are talking about. I'm so confused." TJ scrunches his eyebrows up.

Cyrus starts rambling. "Today, when we were sledding. I mean before we were sledding, Buffy and Andi got it into my head that maybe you liked me the way I liked you. Buffy said I should face my fear and put myself out there. So when you met up with us, I had an idea. I tried my best to flirt, and I thought you may have been flirting back. Like you called me muffin and you held onto my waist for a long time, and I think I read to much into it. I crossed a line and now you can't even be in the same room as me.'

Did Cyrus Goodman just tell him he likes him too. TJ can feel his cheeks go bright red. He is blushing like crazy. Marty must have kept the secret to himself if Cyrus thinks this is the issue. "Wait. Cyrus? Is that what you think? You think I don't want to be in the same room as you? You have to be the oblivious one. I like you so much...I just can't believe you like, like me too." Cyrus steps closer to TJ as the older boy continues to speak. "I loved holding you close to me and I love anytime that I'm with you. I love listening to you talk about anything, and I love that I feel like I can be myself around you. I love when our hands brush together and I love when you smile at me like I'm the only one in the room. I'm not really sure what it means to be in love but if I had to guess, I would say I'm in love with you."

Cyrus' face was now mirroring in redness from blushing. "You mean that Teej?"

"I've never meant anything more."

Cyrus, who is now standing right in front of TJ, leans down and places his fingers under TJ's chin. He gently tilts the basketball player's head to look up at him. His eyes flash down to TJ's lips. Then abruptly, TJ pulls away. "Wait .."

"Oh no, I'm sorry. Am I moving too fast? I just never thought the guy if my dreams would say he loves me as much as I love him." Cyrus goes to step away but TJ grabs his hand.

"It's not that, Cy. I have something I need to tell you before you commit to dating me. You may change your mind."

"You're scaring me TJ." Cyrus says rubbing the rough skin in TJ's knuckles with his thumb.

"I'm honestly scaring myself. But you deserve the truth about me. I'm not like most guys."

"If course you are not. You are better." Cyrus gives a weak smile.

"That's not what I mean. I'm not built the same as you, or Jonah, or Marty. I'm...I'm transgender. And, like, don't get me wrong, I don't hate my body or anything...most days at least, but it is not like most boys our age. And I was in here because Marty walked in in me changing. I didn't have my binder in and I was worried he saw. But it seems like he kept it to himself, which I appreciate. But I wanted you to know and I would understand if you don't want to date me anymore. I get it…" TJ was looking down as he trailed offj, afraid to look at Cyrus' face

Cyrus sits on the edge of the bed next to TJ, still holding the other boy's hand.. He puts his free hand on the side of TJ's head turning it to face Cyrus. "I like...love you TJ. I didn't fall for you because I thought you were a cisboy. I fell for you because you were the cute, sweet, basketball playing boy that managed to steal my heart a little more every time I hung out with you."

"You don't think I'm a freak?"

"Of course not. There is nothing wrong with you."

"You know dating me isn't going to be easy. I plan on transitioning more over the next few years, things like hormones, and maybe surgery. That is alot to deal with."

"Well bring it on. I don't plan on going anywhere as long as you want me, not-so-scary basketball guy. I promise I won't let go."

"You won't? Let go, I mean. You won't leave me even when it is hard?" TJ sounds desperate to believe him. He is so scared of being hurt again like he was when he was younger. He thinks back to the old best friend that abandoned him.

"Never, never ever. I could never let go of you " Cyrus says sincerely.

TJ feels like his insides are on fire. Cyrus was truly the most amazing person he could ask for in his life. Without thinking, TJ leans in and places a gentle kiss in Cyrus' lips. He pulls away slightly to see what happens next. Cyrus answers the unspoken question by leaning back in and deepening the kiss.

When they pull away for air, both boys can't help but grin. "Wow." TJ says. "That was my first kiss and just ..wow."

"I wish it was my first kiss...mine was with a girl, Amber's friend, Iris. I liked it much better with a guy." Cyrus smiles.

TJ knew he made the right chose telling Cyrus. After everything Cyrus just found out, he still sees TJ as just as much a boy as he has ever been. TJ says softly. "Does this mean we are dating now."

"Only if you want it to." Cyrus says in a hopeful voice.

"Then yes, we are dating." TJ smiles and sits in a comfortable silence with his new boyfriend.

[bethanyrob-archive]

Gym Time ll Beth & Ella

Discord thread featuring: Beth and @ella-isms

Mentions: @chxrityx @malakhai-ozera @ellicfm

When: The week after the Throuple Pride Party 

Description: Beth and Ella vent to each other at the gym

Trigger Warnings: mentions of past domestic violence

Ella.

whether she liked it or not, ella spent a lot of time in the gym. a certain body type was required for her profession and she had been keeping up on it for this long, couldn't just stop now. as if spending hours upon hours completing grueling variations in the studio wasn't workout enough? still the ballerina did what was expected of her. once she was changed into her gym clothes, the blonde headed to the gym and was actually, almost on time. ten minutes late. that wasn't so bad. not for ella at least. when she arrived she looked around for her friend and upon spotting her headed in that direction. "hey gorge."

Beth.

Beth was prompt as always, she was eager to start her workout anyway. It was unlike her to sit around all day doing nothing, but Ellie had had some free time lately and Beth was enjoying sitting around the house and spending more time with her little sister. She’d take any opportunity to head to the gym though, and it had been a hot minute since she had a good workout. Beth was in the middle of doing a warm up on the treadmill when she spotted Ella. “Hey!” She said, taking several deep breathes. She stopped the treadmill briefly before pulling Ella into a hug. “Thanks for suggesting this. I needed to get off my ass.” She laughed.

Ella.

with the amount of time she spent at this place they should probably start charging her rent. not that she would ever suggest such a thing. but a good portion of the time she did her workouts alone, so that she could get in the zone but once in  a while it was nice to have company. plus, she and beth could catch up. the blonde returned the hug "sorry im already fucking you all up," she chuckled, hopping onto the treadmill next to her. "you're most welcome. i like to think that im a good motivator," a smirk grew on her lips. "what have you been up to though? i feel like time passes and before i know it its been weeks since ive talked to you. sorry im such a flake."

Beth.

Beth shrugged and started to turn up the speed on the treadmill again. “No worries. I just started. I’m just glad you’re here. I need to know about your life.” She smiled as she started to jog. “The best.” She smiled. “I have been up to literally nothing. Just work. Oh, I got into a fight at the pride party a couple weeks ago. Not my finest moment. I will not be drinking like that again.” She said with a huff. “I’ve just been working though. The long hours make me so exhausted by the end of the day that I just want to go home and sleep.” She shook her head. “You’re not a flake. I’m worse than you. I promise. I’m such a recluse.”

Ella.

ella gradually turned up the speed on her treadmill, mostly to a light jog so that she could get her heart rate up while still talking, "how's work been?" she glanced at her friend. and then her brows raised "a fight? what like a fight fight? or an argument?" ella knew that if she meant an argument that's what she would have said. "a fight with who?! about what? details."

Beth.

“Work has been...well work.” She shrugged. “It’s still entry level. I’d really like to open a private practice one day instead of working in a hospital.” Even though Beth was smart, she still needed to work her way up go totem pole. She didn’t LOVE he job now, but she did love her career and field.  Beth laughed as she found her footing. “Like a fight fight. I don’t know if I ever told you about my old friend Charity? The one I fell out with? I was just way too drunk to handle myself and threw my drink at her...then it escalated from there.” Fighting was so unlike Beth but it really was the only interesting thing that happened to her in a while. “Ellie eventually pulled me off though and threw her own drink at her too. It was a great sister moment.” She chuckled.

Ella.

"Suppose it always is, isn't it?" the blonde asked, lifting her shoulders in a shrug. "you'll get there some day. you know its just having to do the grunt work first. it'll all pay off," she assured her with a smile. "no i dont think you ever did, but you're going to have to now. what happened with the falling out? and was that the reason for the fight? you threw your drink at her? shut up. i cant believe i missed that."

Beth.

The brunette nodded. She took several deep breathes as she started to feel her body aching from the run. Just a little bit longer for the warm up. She hated cardio and much preferred lifting. "it fucking better, eh?" She sighed again. "Well...I don't know if I told you this either but I was kind of in an abusive relationship back in Toronto. It's one of the reasons I came here...it wasn't just to get to know Ellie better." she began. "Basically Charity saw it for what it was almost immediately because she's honestly toxic as fuck...and it takes one to know one...if you know what I mean. Anyway, at the time I just thought she was jealous or something. So we fell out, and had it out at Throuple. But yeah..." she said as a smile appeared across her face. "it felt pretty damn good."

Ella.

“It will, all in due time,” Ella assured her as best as she could. “Oh shit...” she muttered as the story began and then she continued to listen to her friend. The blonde almost lost her footing getting lost in her own head because had some toxic behaviors herself. She shook her head to clear her mind of that, or at least attempt to. “So even though charity pointed it out to you at the time, she’s not really much better?” Regaining proper footing her glanced over “had it out because of what happened in the past? I guess you’re not in great terms now?” She lifted a brow “I bet it did. Have you ever tried boxing?” It was something Ella got into herself.

Beth.

Beth shook her head. "Yeah she's been the cause of a couple toxic relationships before...and I mean I stayed out of it and let her do her thing, and then she came in and tried telling me what to do. At the same, it was mostly him getting into my head about how bad of a friend she was." she sighed. "Maybe I should apologize." she said, looking straight forward. "No." she said, looking back over at her blonde friend. "There's boxing at this gym! Wanna give me a lesson?" she asked, hopefully.

Ella.

Sighing and shaking her head ella could sort of see the situation from both sides. “That seems like kind of a no win situation you know? I’m sure she was just trying to help but sometimes it hard to see that when you’re in it. Is apologizing and being friendly again something that you’re interested in doing?” Both brows raised and she grinned “you have to try it! And yes to both of those things. That’s what we’re doing next.”

Beth.

Beth shook her head. "You're right. We both kind of lost in that situation. It sucks especially considering that she was right about him after all." Beth shrugged. "I'm not sure if I'm interested in being friendly again with her to be honest...but i do feel like I need to get this off of my chest. It's been weighing on me, ya know?" Beth started turning the speed on her treadmill down. She could feel the beads of sweat collecting on her temples and her heart rate beginning to climb. "Consider me warmed up, then. I'm ready for a lesson, sensei."

Ella.

“People can get in your head for all kinds of different reasons. Sometimes it’s a good thing sometimes it’s not so great..” the blonde told her friend with a shrug. “Well maybe just say something along the lines of you’re sorry that things escalated that you didn’t mean for it to and that you hope you can at least be civil. Or something along those lines?” As they both slowed down the blonde grabbed her water bottle for a sip. “Let’s do this” hopping off the treadmill, Ella led Beth across the gym and into the room with the boxing equipment. “This is my second favorite stress reliever,” grabbing the tape she would wrap beths hands before helping her into the gloves. “Let’s see those hooks you know how to throw,” she smirked, grabbing the pads for her own hands to hold up for Beth.

Beth.

Beth smiled lightly to herself and nodded. Talking to Ella about this was therapeutic, and it was something she hadn't really said out loud to many people before. "Thanks, sorry for the word vomit." The brunette nodded. "Yeah, I don't have any interest in being friends really, but that might be a good thing to say. I just have to find a way to swallow my pride and suck it up and do it." Beth stepped off the treadmill and followed the blonde across the gym. "What's your first favorite?" he asked, raising her brow. Beth held her hands out for Ella to wrap them. This was something that was completely out of Beth's comfort zone, but she trusted Ella so she was actually pretty excited about this. Beth shook her head, but couldn't help but laughing at Ella's sarcastic comments. Beth took a deep breath, and eyed the pads on the other's hands. With her right hand, she took a swing and hit the pad - hard. "Oh!" Beth exclaimed. That felt good. She took another swing with her left arm and hit the other pad. "Damn." she mumbled.

Ella.

“No need to apologize, love!” The blonde assured the other girl. “I’m always here if you want to vent you know that.” She was glad that Beth unloaded what was on her mind, it was good to get that stuff off her chest. “Couldn’t hurt to just clear the air and move on from it,” Ella agreed with a nod of her head. Glancing over at the other Ella made a face as if she should already know the answer “orgasms,” she reminded her with a wink and a laugh. After clapping the two pads on her hands together Ella would hold them up, “alright, hit me.” She paused for a moment “well not me, the pads. You know what I mean.” She nodded and let Beth go at it holding the pads with some resistance “damn girl, you’re a hard hitter. Feels good though doesn’t it?”

Beth.

Beth smiled. This was why her friendship with Ella was so great. She was so easy to talk to and knew just what to say. Beth quickly turned her attention to the pads in front of her. It felt fucking great. To say the least. "Fuck, yes." Now she had remembered by she liked the feeling of fighting Charity at the pride party. After several solid swings, she felt herself working up a sweat. "Alright. Your turn. What do you need to vent about?" she asked her blonde friend, as she took a breather and a few sips from her water bottle.

Ella.

Ella was glad that once in a while her words and advice could be heeded because lord knew that she wasn’t great at taking her own advice. “I know running seems like it clears your mind and all, and don’t get me wrong, running is great once in a while but it’s got nothing on actually punching stuff, ya know?” She replied with a chuckle.  The blonde lifted her shoulders in a shrug and then sighed “I slept with my ex and it rekindled all kinds of fucking feelings that I have no idea what to do with.” Ella hated talking about her feelings “that about sums it up.” She hit the two pads together again and attempted to change the subject “go on, have another go” she held them up.

Beth.

Beth nodded. She loved running and the endorphins it gave off when she did. But this...well she may have just found her new favorite stress reliever. "Oh fuck.." Beth raised her brow. She was so taken aback that her stance weaken a little, but she quickly tensed up again so that she could throw another solid punch."Who's your ex? Do I knew him?" she asked curiously. Maybe she was being a little too snoopy but she genuinely wanted to know who this person was. "You wanna take some hits now?" she asked. "Kinda sounds like you need that."

Ella.

Working out was definitely a good stress reliever and Ella was glad that today she had a partner to do it with. “I literally couldn’t help it. It’s like. We’re like...” the blonde was struggling to find the right words, as usual “I don’t know. Like magnets or something , just “ she brought her two hands together in a quick fashion to make her point. “Mal-“ she was quick in correcting herself “Khai.” That’s what everyone else called him. And she was sure Beth probably knew of him it seemed like most people did that was part of why she had such difficultly in the first place. “It’s just complicated,” the dancer sighed. “May as well,” maybe hitting something would relieve whatever these emotions were that she had built up.

Beth.

Beth's jaw kind of dropped a little. It was clear that Ella's life was far more interesting than hers. Making out with exes was something that Beth didn't do frequently...well..making out with anyone was something she didn't do a lot anymore. She had become a bit of recluse since she broke up with her abusive ex. Beth thought for a moment. She had heard his name around but never really met him. "I know of him, but I don't think I've ever actually met him." she reported. "How is it complicated exactly? Tell me all the tea." she joked, as she motioned for her friend to hold out her hands so she can wrap them for her.

Ella.

Ella sighed noticing her friends reaction, she probably would have had a similar one had the tables been turned. “My impulse control has always been shit, but my self control around him is literally non existent,” she explained. “And isn’t that complicated enough in itself?” Part of her was sort of relieved that Beth didn’t know him it meant she didn’t have any preconceived notions of the situation. “We were together for like two years. And we were doing this like, open relationship thing, which was so stupid because we both hated the thought of each other with anyone else. Then he wanted to get married, and proposed, and I totally freaked because.... well for a lot of reasons, and I left.” Ella held her hands out, “and I shouldn’t have. Because now everything’s all fucked up.”

Beth.

Beth laughed as her friend admitted to being weak around her ex. Beth could empathize. She had no idea what she would do if she saw her ex from Toronto in New York. "That's very fair." she mused. Beth shook her head. "Open relationships never work for that reason. My theory is that if you love someone you'd be committed enough to them to sleep with them and only them." she said, wrapping her friend's hands like she did for her. "Jesus, you were engaged? she questioned. She couldn't imagine being engaged at such a young age, then again, she hadn't met anyone she'd be willing to marry like that. "So you broke up with him and regret it I'm gathering?" she asked, putting the pads on her hands.

Ella.

Weak was probably the understatement of the century, but Ella couldn’t think of a more fitting word at the moment. “Yeah you’re right...” she agreed with a nod, what she said about open relationships was completely accurate. “Neither of us really wanted the relationship to be open.. I just.. I don’t know why I went with it. I guess I thought in a way it was protecting myself, like I had a fall back plan keeping someone else waiting in the wings just in case...” it made her sound like such a shitty person and the more she spoke the worst she felt. “I wasn’t engaged ... I just said he proposed... I ... i didn’t say yes.” Closing her eyes briefly she shook her head with a sigh.

Beth.

Beth furrowed her brow. The whole relationship sounded a little strange, then again she didn't have the best track record. "Sounds a little toxic?" she questioned, unsure if she was using the right word. "Good thing you didn't say yes because honestly that could have opened a whole other can of worms." she smiled, sympathetically. "Could've been worse, Ella." she told her. "Have you guys talked since?"

Ella.

Ella was unfortunately acutely aware that she had been the toxic one in the relationship and it wasn’t something she was proud of. “Of it could have ended up being just the two of us happily ever after,” of course it was impossible to be sure about that but she could still assume it might have turned out that way. “Since we slept together? Yeah. We’re still... talking about where to go from here I guess. Taking it slow...” shaking her head she sighed again “and it’s scary as fuck to be honest.”

Beth.

"Maybe..." she trailed off, even though she wasn't too convinced of it herself. But it wasn't her relationships so who was she to judge? She raised her brow, curiously. "Are you still in love with him?" she asked, a mischievous glimmer in her eye.

Ella.

Ella shot her friend a look, she could tell by the way she let her sentence trail off that she didn’t believe that would be the case. Hitting her gloves together the blonde would throw her punches at the pads, not nearly as hard as she would normally, this was all about easing Beth in after all. “Completely,” she admitted with a sigh “I don’t really know how to handle it. Help me!” She laughed.

Beth.

Beth jumped a little when Ella hit the pads, not really expecting that she would have to really hold her stance if Ella wasn't going to knock her on her ass. She tightened up a little, flexing her muscles for a more sold stance. "Girl, I am the last person that should be giving out relationship advice." she admitted with a tiny laugh. "But if I were to give you some advice from the little I know about the situation...It sounds like you can do way better. If the rumors I've heard about Khai is true, then he's got a lot of his own shit he needs to work on."

Ella.

Ella was trying not to go with her usual force but that was also hard to do when there was something on her mind, too. “Clearly I’m not great in relationships either.” She took a few more hits putting more thought into the force behind them this time so it’s wasn’t overbearing “we’ve all got our own shit though don’t we?”

Beth.

"We can get shit at them together then." she admitted, holding her stance for Ella. "Yeah, I guess. But that doesn't mean we need to bare others' as well. Sometimes we gotta just focus on helping ourselves, eh?"

Ella.

“I’m already shit at them!” Ella said with a laugh and a shake of her head. “But isn’t that sort of what you do when you love someone? Take the good with the bad?”

Beth.

Bethany thought about how we're supposed to love the good and the bad about the people you're with. Beth did that. She loved the good and the bad about her ex, and gave him several chances to fix the bad. "Sometimes the good out weighs the bad.." she paused. She didn't want to be a downer on during their gym session. "But ya know...I'm sure Khai was worth it." she mused.

Ella.

“Sometimes it does...” letting out a sigh she could feel her shoulders sinking down some. “I know I probably need to just stop talking about it because I don’t know what will come of it. It’s just like... it consumes my fucking mind, I don’t know what to do.”

Beth.

Beth huffed. "Working out helps." she told her. "I also heard there's a great therapist around here." she suggested. "But you can always talk to me about it, yeah?" she smiled over at her friend.  "How about we get some food? I'm starving."

[weareallfallengods]

E.M.Pathos - Chapter 1 - Anticipation (new WIP, unedited)

Jenny was nervous.

First the first time in a very very long time, she was actually nervous. Not apprehensive, not cautious, not anticipatiory, not fearful. Just straight up nervous. For her it was an unusual experience.

It wasn't the tests coming up. No, she'd always strangely enjoyed being tested, measuring herself, having documentation of her own internal competition with herself. No it wasn't the tests. Or was it? She was actually quite excited to be part of this new program, to have been selected for the second round. So what was it?

She looked around the small, sterile waiting room for the hundredth time. 'Waiting room? More like hastily converted scientist's broom cupboard is more like it,' she mused. Stark white plastic chairs with no padding made her shift in her seat again. 

"They could have at least had some out of date 'zine's laying around," she muttered. "I mean what self respecting doctor doesn't have dozens of magazines that are like 5 years old just laying around?"

"Well for one thing, there's not even a coffee table to put em on Jenn-o. Which only makes the lack of coffee even more noticeable."

Trust Dax to complain about missing his morning fix. It didnt seem to matter how far from home they got, he always seemed to find a way to make coffee. Like that one time on Estoc Prime. Jenny shuddered at the memory. That one had been close. A little too close for any sort of comfort. She hadn't been able to look a cup of coffee in the face since then. Ok, sure, poisoning the commander of the ship that had hijacked them with espresso had been a stroke of genius from Dax, but it still brought back too many unpleasant thoughts; not something she needed today of all days. 

'Breathe. Just breathe. Dont think about that right now.'

Dax winced. "Sorry Jen-o. I'm just a bit nervous and having to go off caffeine entirely's made me a little spacey."

"Don't worry about it Dax, I understand. We're both a little jittery right now. You have any idea what to expect this round? I mean, last time, they were just like following me around for months with a bunch of weird cameras and asking a bunch of questions. Idk man, just wondering how this whole 'in-depth examination' thing is going to play out."

"Yeah, don't worry about it too much ay. She'll be right. We always are."

Jenny exhaled deeply again. Her mind was working overtime due to the lack of anything to hold her attention at all. There weren't even any cracks or motes of dust to stare at mindlessly to pass the time. 

"Stop chewing ya nails- you're gonna end up with hands like a Thraxian if ya don't cut that out."

"I'm nervous, Dax. Nervous. Me! Actually nervous. I dont even know why I'm here, much less how both of us got in, what they're going to be doing, whether I'm actually qualified, or any clue what any of the probably thousands of ways I could fuck this up somehow are."

"You worry too much. Over-sensitive, you are. Always have been. Then again, maybe that's why you made it to round two."

They fell silent again. This particular waiting room was definitely not conducive to conversation. Being alone in their own thoughts might have been worse though.

Dax started bouncing his leg rapidly. He was nervous too, but not from the unknown. He was more a combination of anxious and bored. Jenny placed a hand on his knee to still him again.

"Ugh, all that study and no one in IGSARC managed to figure out that bored humans are a dangerous thing to leave unsupervised." 

"We're not dangerous Dax! Jeez how many times do I have to tell you to stop buying into the hype and stereotypes?"

"Oh so you think IGSARC got funding for this second round of research just because they were curious? Nah, somebody on the Council is worried. Or hoping to find an advantage. Something. IGSARC found something they weren't expecting to find, and stereotype or not, I'd wager a month's ration of beer that they're either scared of us, or wanting to exploit us."

"God Dax, you're so negative! Maybe you really do need coffee to survive!" Jenny laughed, the bright sound tinkling around the small room they were ensconced in, brightening the mood instantly.

"Haha, yeah, you're probably right Jen-o. Ahhhh I'm just tired waiting is all! You always know how to make me feel better though.

Jenny smiled at her best friend. They'd been through so many things together, from the first day at the Merchant Academy when she'd accidentally stepped on a Lorathian cadet's tail and nearly started an intergalactic incident when her rush to apologize ended up with her hands in what were for Lorathians, very inappropriate places. Even just thinking of that still made her blush a tiny bit, even if it did make her smile. 

Dax had totally saved her bacon on that one, with his smooth talking, good looks and dazzling charm. The accent probably helped too. Not many actual Australians seemed to be out and about in the galaxy, and she had to admit, the combination of his dark brown skin, beach-blond curly hair and brilliant smile were the perfect combination to be disarmingly noticeable. He'd managed to get the Lorathian talking, and eventually the two sauntered off, Dax with his arm around the other, headed to the Canteen. They'd been fast friends ever since.

'That was such a long time ago now,' Jenny, lost in her own thoughts again sighed. 'Well, it seems like it was a long time ago anyway.'

"How long's it been Dax? Since we met, I mean. Seems like I've known you forever."

"What? You forget me that easily? I'm insulted!" Dax laughed easily. "Probably about as long as we've been sitting in this damn room."

"So what, 5 years?" Jenny chuckled.

"Sounds about right. Fuck we were so much younger then."

Jenny punched him. "Hey! Speak for yourself!"

"Hahaha gotta get the dig in when I can Jen-o!"

Just then, right as she was cocking back to punch him again, the near-invisible door to the room hissed open.

The IGSARC representative did not come in. Their face was obscured by the doorframe, but the clipboard they held was dwarfed by the massively long fingered blue hand that clutched it to their chest like a child's treasured toy.

"I apologize for my tardiness, it was unavoidable. Also, please forgive the sparseness of the accommodations at the moment, our study is only just getting started." The alien scientist had bent down to be able to see into the room better while speaking, and now Jenny and Dax were able to see them properly.

"Ah where are my manners! I apologize again, we are all just so excited about this newest phase! Let us introduce ourselves properly, so if you would be so kind as to step out here, as I am sure it would become even more uncomfortable in there were I to attempt entry."

"We should've just waited in the damn hallway," Dax muttered to Jenny as they stepped out into the large corridor that stretched along the top deck of the starship. 

The view from the glass that looked out into the neighboring nebula from the floor to ceiling glass on one side was truly breathtaking. Or at least, it would have been, had Jenny not been short of breath already, due to the nervousness from earlier slamming back into her like and old earth freight train. The momentary reprieve from it, courtesy of Dax, evaporated as quickly as liquid nitrogen on Mercury. He was right though, the hallway was wide enough that they could’ve driven their ‘spacers to the meeting, parked in the hall and still had enough room left for a dinner party. It just made the cramped waiting room seem all the more ridiculously sized. 

The scientist caught her attention again as they started speaking again.

“Allow me to introduce myself- I am Doctor Itraxilitanthudinilatz of the IGSARC Advanced Research Division. I realize my name is a bit of a mouthful for most humans, so you may call me Doctor Traxi. Firstly, I want to welcome you to the second phase of a very exciting program! We here in ARD are extremely excited to be working with you for the next 18 to 24 months on this groundbreaking area of research. Since today is the first day of the program, we’ll be beginning with a brief tour of the area of the facility that will become your home, your quarters, and the areas of the ship that will be accessible to you. Unfortunately, due to the highly classified nature of our work here together, as well as the parameters of the research, in order to eliminate any external influencing factors, you will not be permitted access to the entire ship, however, we’ve made sure to include a large array of amenites within the research facility’s designated areas, so you should not feel too restricted.”

Of course, Dax raised his hand. 

“Did ya at least make sure there’s a pub in there?”

“Ah. Sadly, at the moment, no, however, being aware of the necessity for many humans to participate in ritual toxification, there will come a stage in this project where that will be made available, but sadly, until we reach that stage, your dietary intake will be strictly monitored, which does include the elimination of any physiologically altering substances, at least for now. But more on that later! We will go over all these things and answer as many of your questions as possible during the orientation period tomorrow. For now, let’s begin the tour!”

As Dr. Thraxi started off down the insanely large corridor, Dax grabbed Jenny’s arm. “Great, first no coffee and now no beer!”

“Yeah I know, you’re torn up about it. OMG Dax, just suck it up for now, you should’ve known what you were signing on for,” Jenny hissed under her breath. “You’re just being a baby about it right now because you haven’t had any coffee for a week.”

“Right, I know, and now it looks like I’m not gonna for ages too!” Dax whispered back. 

“Shush and pay attention!”

“...of course this corridor will be off limits due to it being the main concourse connecting the two main parts of the ship. Our section is coming up, which I hope you will find most adequate.” Dr. Thraxi had been droning on for the couple of minutes that it took them to make it about a third of the way down the observation concourse, when they turned to a side hallway, significantly smaller than the main walk, stopping in an alcove facing a large frosted glass door. Dr. Thraxi placed six of his long fingers on a blank section of the wall next to the door, at which point the door frame lit up a pale blue, and the glass slid open silently like some fey portal to another world. 

A disembodied voice called out softly, “Welcome back Dr. Thraxi. I have detected that you have guests. Are they the new study subjects?” 

“Yes thank you Janet, these are the newest participants in the second phase of our research. Could you please update their files?”

“Of course Doctor. Subject 1, please step forward.”

Doctor Thraxi gestured at Dax, who took two steps forward into the main room. 

“Scanning. Linking data files. Subject 1: Dax Fellowes. Planet of origin: Terra Prime. Age: 35. Height: 172 centimeters. Weight: 95.2 kilos. Species: Human. Genetic Sub-group: Aboriginal Scottish Australian. Hair: Blond. Eyes: Brown. Circulatory system: Internal, Pressurized Atrial system. Condition: Healthy. Respiritory System: Dual internal lung. Primary absorbative content: Oxygen. Condition: Healthy. Registering bio-markers. Profile complete. Please state your name for voice-print identification.” 

“Uh, Dax Fellowes.”

“Registering Ah Dax Fellowes.”

“Oh wait, hold up, that’s not right, my name’s just Dax Fellowes.”

“Adjusting. Voice print identification for Dax Fellowes saved. Thank you.”

“Stupid bloody machine,” Dax muttered to himself as Dr. Thraxi walked past him into the main area of the lab. 

“Jenny, if you could also step forward now so that Janet can scan you as well please.”

She stepped forward into the room, and was instantly too caught up in looking around to pay any attention to Janet’s robotic voice as the scan proceeded. She was too interested in seeing all the other scientists milling about, some lounging and talking in the common area of the room at the far wall, where a window the size of her mother’s old van framed the expanse of deep space, a dark contrast to the low white couches that were currently occupied by several scientists- at least she assumed they were based on the white lab coats that matched what Thraxi was wearing. Off to the side several others were gathered around a couple small tables, chatting and eating. Various posters and artworks were scattered tastefully across the walls. One in particular caught her attention since it seemed to be a hologram representing the birth of a star that was constantly changing and moving in all three dimensions. 

“Please state your name for voice print identification.”

The ethereal voice of Janet snapped Jenny’s attention back to the present. 

“Jenny O’Rourke.”

“Voice print identification for Jenny O’Rourke saved. Thank you. You both may now access all areas of the lab designated Participant Level 1 security clearance.”

“Excellent! Now that you’re registered in the system, let’s get you acquainted with the areas of our facility that you’ll be using most!”

The rest of the hour long tour went by in a blur- both because listening to Dr. Thraxi was just so monotonous, despite their best effort to be engaging, but there’s only so peppy you can be about showing off chairs and toilets, but also because the reality of what she’d signed up for was starting to sink in, as the more and more they saw of the research facility, the more it became clear that she and Dax were the only visible humans in the entire place. Although the variety of species was astounding, even for a deep space vessel, and that one game of four player multi-dimensional chess looked fascinating, Jenny found herself simply letting the information wash over her. 

“...and that brings us to the conclusion of our tour! I hope that the two of you will be comfortable during your stay with us. We all look forward to working with you, and I’ll be introducing you to the rest of the Phase 1 research team tomorrow at 10:00 hours in Conference 3. If you don’t remember where it is, that’s fine, just ask Janet for directions.”

Dr. Thraxi turned to leave Jenny and Dax standing in the middle of what could have passed as a comfortable modern hotel shared suite lounge, his clipboard fluttering slightly at the rapid movement. 

“Oh hey, one more thing Doc!” Dax called out as Dr. Thraxi stepped through the doorway. 

“Yes?”

“Dumb question, but what’s Janet? She a person, a computer, what? I was pretty sure computer, but the responses are pretty personalized.”

“Ah yes, one of our earlier successes actually- Janet, an acronym of “Genuine Artificial Neural Network” is an AI program designed to interface between all of our various systems. We worked quite hard on getting her responses to seem more natural, as well as being able to understand intent over data requisitions.”

“Bonza mate, thanks for the tour,” Dax yawned. “I think I’ll be hitting the sack soon then, been a long day.”

“I understand. Will see you at the meeting in the morning.” Dr. Thraxi stepped back and the door whisked shut.

“What was that about Dax? Like why do you even care what their stupid computer is called?” Jenny was a bit irritated. Bed definitely sounded like a really good option. 

“I don’t give a royal shit what their computer program is called, it can go fuck itself and the rest of this program for all I care. I wanted to ask an innoccuous question to see something.”

“Whoa there boyo, why the hostility all of a sudden? I thought you were all pumped for this program, except for the lack of coffee.”

“Yeah well I was excited for it....until the tour.”

“Ok buddy you’re starting to scare me, what gives?”

“I’m not sure- I can’t put my finger on it yet, but there’s something...off about this place.”

“Damn. I wish you hadn’t said that Dax.”

“Why? Oh no! Oh did I just trigger you again without thinking? You ok?”

“No no, that’s not it, it wasn’t you. This whole place kinda started putting me on edge soon as we walked through those doors too. I kinda tuned the doctor out while they were showing us around, but that gave me more time to look around at everyone else here. You notice we’re the only humans in this facility?”

“Yeah. That we saw anyway.”

“Dax. Don’t make this more melodromatic than necessary. But yeah, no other humans. Ok that could be explained away with we’re the first ones in this section of the study. Fine, i’ll buy that.”

“But…”

“Yeah, there’s always a ‘but’. I hate ‘buts’.”

“Bullshit, you love a good butt.”

“Dax! For real! I’m being serious!”

“I know, I know, I can’t help it, you know me when there’s a chance for an inappropriate joke, I gotta jump on it ay.”

“Not the time man. Anyway. I couln’t tell what was setting me off either, but I just got more and more uneasy as we went through the tour.”

“Yeah me too Jen-o. That’s why I asked ol’ Blueberry Slenderman about the AI. I wanted to see if there was a difference between when he was on-script versus off it.”

“And?”

“Did ya notice the darker purpley markings on his hands and neck?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, they change color slightly- they get darker and lighter. I thought I was seeing things at first, but that last bit confirmed it.”

“So what, his skin changes colors a little. Loads of aliens have that.”

“Right, they do, but this one’s interesting, because the minute we walked through the facility doors, he started lying to us. Right up until I asked him about the AI. And even then, he lied about something in that explanation of what it is.”

“Well duh, of course he was lying- probably not our definition of it though; if his spots react to deception like our pupils do, it could’ve been a reaction to the fact that there’s a lot more going on here than he was covering in the tour, a lot of it’s classified, and a lot of it he’s saving for tomorrow! Doesn’t mean he’s like lying lying.”

“I hope you’re right Jen-o. I hope you’re right.” Dax sighed. She was probably right. She usually was; Jenny had good instincts. Probably one of the reasons she was here to begin with. Then again, so did he. Instincts that had saved his life on more than one occasion, so Dax had learned to trust his gut. And something was definitely not right about this place. 

He just hoped it didn’t bite them in the ass. 

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

the sun smashers are important y’all

so i was rewatching bahroo’s zane stream please dont judge me i just wanted to see how he screamed when he got set on fire

and i noticed something funky about the main quests

tl;dr: the main quest levels are really weird, we go from a level 1 quest, to 2, to 2 (no that’s not a mistake), to 4, to 10!!, to 14, to 13. I theorize that either there is a hidden mission somewhere, or the quests were oddly leveled for the demonstrations and should have been spread out like so: (1, 2, 4, 7, 10, 14) and give my reasoning for that. its still a pretty big jump from 4 to 7 and so on, but its more reasonable to think they wanted to fit in some side quests there

i then go talk about the Sun Smashers! and these guys are fun :)

y’all when we show up at the HBC, we’re already on a mission to “Find the Sun Smashers”. the first time we hear about them during the footage we’re shown is when Tyreen mentions them. The theory is that the sun smashers stole the vault key from the recruitment center (we offered them a place in our family = we recruited them) and they just wanted guns and cash (they betrayed the family = they stole our vault map) and Vaults are a source of both guns and cash

i think when we go fight Shiv, the room back there with monitors is going to give us information on who the sun smashers are and where the vault key is (the HBC) and lilith tells us we NEED to go get it. I don’t think there is any power stealing here and now. Probably later. but not now!

Tyreen also says in the hologram “Like i said, that vault map is super busted”. but she had never talked to us before in the footage we’re shown. I’m thinking there is a point where we do speak with the twins, or we “overhear” something and then they see us, etc, and that’s the reason they cut the footage.

so i think the timeline is: 

Get attacked by CoV, head to RC, save Clappy, meet Lilith, learn about Sun Smashers stealing key from RC, maaayybe some talk/introduction with the twins?? idk, head to the HBC, beat up Mouthpiece, get the Vault Map, Hologram time (hi again), Lilith gets her powers stolen and the Vault Map too, we get Sanctuary III (either we find the ship itself on pandora (my vote: we’re probably going to have to clear it of wildlife ew), or we take a shuttle up), head to Promethea to stop the twins cuz they got to teleport with lily’s powers and had time to set up that sweet alliance with maliwan because they have a grudge against atlas for experimenting on them while we’re fumbling on a sand planet looking for an escape

is that good? are we good?

i think we’re good.

so the first quest is level 1, that’s a given

second quest

level 2

also a given

the third quest???

also? level 2?

which is weird cuz im pretty sure the demo streamers were around level 4 for that quest, but the enemies were levels 6-7 so… i imagine the actual level for the quest is about 5?

the fourth quest is level 4, but it might actually be around level 7.

the reason i’m bumping the levels up is because when you get to the fifth quest in the game

the quests jump from level 4 requirement to level 10

and that’s one huge-ass leap to make all of a sudden

not to mention the jump from 10 to 14

slightly better than 4 to 10, but its still a big jump, especially since the characters are starting to level up more. I could believe there’s no gap between 5 and 6 because the streamers start the level at lvl 10, but then the enemies are scaled to level 10/11 so… what the heck. from the HBC footage it’s clear the enemies don’t scale directly to player level (as a lvl 4 amara was taking on level 6/7 enemies) so im wondering if they changed the levels to make it look earlier in the game than i actually is

it’s even weirder because the quest you get when you finish the demo is level 13

usually when you get mainline quests, they try to make it so that they’re in order level-wise. these two are… very much not in order. and i understand that Congratulations was put in solely for the demo players, but the fact that it’s actually a lower level than the quest preceding it is really bizarre. I think the quest log for Hostile Takeover was supposed to be scaled down to level 10/11/12 (take ur pick) for the demo and it wasn’t.

Same for Sanctuary. I think it was supposed to be scaled down as well. That would leave a smaller, less noticeable gap between quests 

So we’d have a level 1 quest, TWO level 2 quests, a level 4 quest, a level 8ish quest, then a level 11 quest. Not bad. There’s still the huge gap between quests 4 and 5 but it could be much worse. Could be the 6 level gap we had before.

I do think it could also be that the third and fourth quests were pulled forwards in level. Example being that the third quest isn’t supposed to be level 2, it should be level 4. Then the fourth quest would be around 6/7 and then we’d have 5 coming in at 10, which is just on the mark.

There’s still a lot of awkward leveling here and there but its borderlands? so it’s possible they wanted to fit in some side quests at this point to pad it out. I prefer the theory that there’s a quest that was taken out of the quest logs. 

so you’d have something like (and this is going by the original, demo-ordering of the quests):

level 1

level 2

level 2

level 4

level 7 (hidden quest)

level 10

level 14

i just don’t understand why from the ground up and cult following are apparently the same level. I suppose that’s where they’re making us believe Lilith gets her powers stolen so maybe its because we don’t get to do a lot of combat at the time so we’re still level 2 when we head over to the HBC? Which… is weird because when they get to the recruitment center, even though Cult Following is supposedly a level 2 quest, the player characters are level 4 while the enemies are ranging from 5-7

it’s possible they scaled this quest up since amara would later be playing with Zane (though she levels up to 5 almost immediately when entering), but i’m thinking of something else.

i want to propose something

I think the sun smashers stole the vault key from the recruitment center. the quest objectives for Cult Following are these:

“Find the Sun Smashers”

Tyreen talks about them a little bit when we first meet her in the hologram but we’ll get to that in a second

so obviously the sun smashers are those purple corpses we’ve been seeing all throughout the HBC. im uncertain if Mouthpiece is a part of their subsect of the cult or not (Tyreen didn’t kill him sooo), as the objective changes to “Kill Mouthpiece” once you enter the arena. I imagine if he is, maybe he’s their leader? Maybe he asked them to steal the Vault Map to prove themselves to the twins by opening a vault by themselves or some shit. I dunno if he is though. Maybe Tyreen left him alive to prove a point to us because she knew we were coming for the busted-ass Vault Map. Like she let him continue to protect it (even though it was broke) because she knew we’d come to get it and kill him on the way. I digress.

Mouthpiece says, when he dies: “I see it… The Great Vault” which I think is once again proving the theory that the twins are saying they’re going to lead the bandit clans to salvation through the Red Vault. Unsure if that’s the wicked Vault symbol we see in the trailers (you know, the biological looking one) or if that’s just a symbol for the first Vault on Promethea, or if they’re the same thing. I dunno, I can’t imagine we’d reach the so-called “Great Vault” by chapter 6/7/8 in the game, but its possible that Vault unleashes a wealth of alien horrors for us to defeat annnd, yeah, you know the drill. Twins either die or join our side to help us defeat whatever comes out of it. Or, the so-called “Great Vault” is a bust and it either can’t be opened yet and other Vaults need to be opened first, or some other inane shit to pad time. I am most curious as to why they’re going to the Vault on Promethea first, though. Randy says Tyreen wants to absorb the Vault Monsters’ powers so she can become the most powerful living being or whatever so going to a Vault that was (possibly) already opened by Atlas seems like a weird choice (still not sure if Atlas ever actually opened the Vault on Promethea or not. Never actually said if it was the Vault or just some Eridian ruins they found themselves that boosted their company up so high. We know Typhon found the actual Vault and Key, though!). Also going for the salvation bit ASAP when u kinda need ur cult to get the other Vaults is really weird.

anyway. I got kinda off topic here. … again.

i imagine our first interaction with the twins is in the recruitment center, but I don’t think they actually show up. More holograms, or an ECHO stream, or whatever. I’m gonna stand by what I said in that one lilith post (one of many ugh) that when we enter the room Shiv came out of, a broadcast is going to start.

I think maybe the twins (or mouthpiece) … (or both) will be broadcasting something detailing where the Vault Key went (stolen by the Sun Smashers) and where they’re all headed (the HBC). that would explain why Tyreen starts out with “did you come all this way just to see me?” and not some sorta greeting like “oh who the heck are you?” (also can I point out that she asks us to thank lilith for the Firehawk powers not during this scene, but during the Promethean scene. just another point in the “they steal lilith’s powers after we retrieve and fix the vault map” box). 

She goes on to show off her powers (yay for “we’ve never seen her use her powers before, not even on lilith”)

and then immediately goes on to say “so i offered the sun smashers a place in our family, but they just wanted guns and cash, they betrayed the family” then we get “Gods don’t negotiate” (hell yeah). She goes into this like we have context for who exactly the Sun Smashers are, which is where my theory comes into play. What was the betrayal? Well, we all know Vaults are (supposedly) a source of kick-ass loot. Of guns, and cash. They stole the Vault Map from the twins after they had let them into the “family”. That’s how we know who the sun smashers are before this demo. We have an objective to find the “sun smashers”. why do we need to find them? they took the vault key. lilith thought the vault key was in the recruitment center (where the sun smashers were being recruited!!!) but they had stolen it and brought it to the HBC. The twins show up to make a demonstration out of them and Ty rock-ifies all of them. She knows the Vault Hunters are coming to get the key, and that the crimson raiders were the ones with the vault key in the first place (from when Sanctuary had fallen… in theee upcoming dlc). she probably understands that we have a better idea of how to work it than she does. And I’m betting, the reason she decides to steal Lilith’s powers is because Lilith knows how to work it. So even if we do meet the twins in flesh-and-blood before the HBC? They wouldn’t have a reason to steal her powers then. It’s only after we fix the Vault Map that they decide to come get it back and get the key that will make it work (lilith’s powers. in case that part wasn’t clear lmao). 

oh and tyreen talking about the whole sun smashers thing in general is interesting:

Like, she hadn’t mentioned the sun smashers before so… I assume this was mentioned the first time we meet her (or at least during the climb up to the HBC). maybe we witness the twins in conversation (either in-person or through an ECHO stream/hologram/whatever) and they don’t realize (or don’t care) that we’re watching? and ty mentions something about being annoyed they have to get the Map back because it’s broken, anyway and then they’re like “oh! hello! we were waiting for you guys! that was quick!” but they totally knew we were watching because they WANTED us to get the Vault Key, its all part of their master plan

because Ty does say at the end: “go ahead and take it! I’ll swing by later to pick it up. you’re my most loyal follower, Vault Thief :) you just don’t know it yet :)”

i imagine she knows we’re a “vault thief” because we tell her we’re vault hunters and she’s all like “well… that sucks, those vaults are ours, they’re our birthright, you thief”

anyway

uh

i got a little into this lmao

ttyl

[theshapeshifter100]

Guess What? I’m Not a Robot Ch42

Summary: Jericho and Android Allies talk, and Paul actually gets annoyed.

Chapter warnings: mentions of being shot, some strong language

Word Count: 1,588

11PM Monday 15th November 2038

The small space didn’t actually have that many chairs. Allison didn’t give a damn and sat down in one, while the rest of the humans either felt too awkward or just decided not to bother.

“Okay, er,” for once Alex sounded a little unsure. “Megan has a lot of the numbers written down, and is usually our note taker. Megan, are you...” Alex trailed off as they realised that Megan had already made herself comfortable. She sat propped against the wall using her knees as a table. Her sling was tucked against her chest and she scribbled out a title with her right hand. “... Are you good to go?”

Megan clicked the pen a couple of times and nodded, sending a thumbs up to the group around the pen. All without looking up.

Alex looked at Paul for a second, who nodded and shrugged. This wasn’t exactly surprising.

“Ooookay,” Alex turned back to the main group. “What would you like to start with?”

“We’ve been out of the loop for a few days,” Markus admitted, “can you tell us about the outside world?”

“Yeah, President Warren’s been hiding behind Congress as they try and figure things out. Not much has happened yet, although there has been word of an anti android protest being planned in Washington next week.”

“We’re so crashing it,” Allison smirked.

“Do you have the numbers for that?” Markus asked, concerned. “Connor told me there was only a few of you.”

“Megan, numbers?” Alex prompted, and Megan complied, staring resolutely at her pad of paper.

“Several thousand people responded to the anti android post across the country, which isn’t that many really if we compare to the total US population. Currently Android Allies has three chapters. Detroit has ten, California has ninety and thirty in Alabama. We’ve gathered some in the Phoenix and general Arizona area, but no official count yet. There’s some international support from Europe, but they have so far been silent.”

“So, not enough to crash a protest,” Markus summarised.

“We can counter protest,” Ivy suggested. “We just need to get it online and spread the word.”

“And you think that’ll work?” North asked, part curious, part incredulous.

“Never know until we try,” Alex responded. “Plus, we usually get good turnouts from random people walking by.”

“This protest wouldn’t happen to be scheduled for when we’re supposed to send an emissary to the White House?” Markus asked.

“No idea, when are you going?”

“In a few days time.”

“Okay, the protest isn’t until next week. Guess that isn’t public knowledge.”

“Apparently not,” Markus shifted for a second. “I was hoping to ask about a potential partnership between our two groups. I hadn’t expected you to all be, so young.”

“If it helps, Julia isn’t in school anymore.”

“Noted,” Markus filed that away.

“I don’t know,” Julia carefully opposed. “My uncle’s a Detroit Police Captain, it might reflect badly on him.”

“Nothing is set in stone,” Markus assured. “That’s what this meeting is for.”

They all continued to talk, and Megan continued to take notes. After some debate, it was decided that Alex would be the more public face of Android Allies, as they could handle attention better. Everyone else was welcome at Jericho and to fill in if need be. Megan would continue her role as note taker, even if it wasn’t entirely necessary, it was good for both sides to have a copy of events.

“Paul,” Markus came to him. “How would you feel being a go between with our two groups?”

Paul froze in place and Megan glanced at him. He wasn’t happy, in fact, he looked close to panicking.

“Ride the shitstorm,” she mumbled, intending for only Paul to hear. With her pen she began to tap a steady rhythm and Paul began to calm down. None of this had gone unmissed by North and Connor, both of whom were looking at Paul and Megan. Connor had an expression of confusion initially before it cleared, and North looked suspicious.

“I, I suppose that makes sense,” Paul unfroze. “I am the only android in the Detroit chapter and would I be correct in assuming that everyone downstairs would be more comfortable with an android?”

“You would be,” Markus agreed.

“I see, then I should accept.”

“We’re not forcing you,” Josh added. “If you really don’t want to do it, then that’s fine.”

“No, it makes sense for me to do it.”

“Very well,” Markus logged that away faster than Megan could write it. “I think this concludes most of what I wanted to talk about with you today.”

“Cool!” Allison stood up. “Anything else you need from us?”

“I would like to speak with Paul alone,” Markus stated, and Paul instantly looked at Megan, who had frozen for a split second before continuing to pack up. Without a word he held out his hand to help her up, and she took it.

“Thanks,” she murmured, still not looking at the other assembled androids.

“You okay with that Paul?” Alex asked, not sure if Paul had been paying attention.

“Yes, I was just helping the injured to their feet.”

“My legs work just fine,” Megan muttered.

“Then why did you accept my help?”

Megan mock scowled at him, both understanding that other side was messing around. “I’ll see you outside you big goof.”

“Don’t wait up,” Paul said, pausing at a soft squeal emanating from Alex. “Do you have to ship right now?”

“I ship all the time,” Alex had their hands clasped together in glee. “Anyway, let’s wait outside guys,” Alex waved everyone out and closed the door behind them. They all took seats at various heights on the stairs, Megan being closest to the door.

Inside North turned to Paul.

“So, what is your deal with these humans?” she asked.

“Deal?” Paul was confused. “There’s no deal.”

“Then why do you stay with them?”

“What North means,” Markus interrupted. “Is that you’re clearly a deviant, and have no reason to tie yourself to humans, but you still do.”

“And you want to know why,” Paul finished, falling into thought. “It is difficult to explain,” it wasn’t really, but he wasn’t sure if he could properly put it into words.

“Please try,” Markus prompted.

“I’m only really here because of Megan. We, understand each other, support each other. She needs me, and I need her.”

North didn’t look convinced. “What’s she got on you?”

“That I’m scared of dogs,” Paul smirked to make it clear that was a joke.

“So, you stay together out of mutual respect and need?” Markus tried to sum up.

“More or less. I’ll admit it is a little one sided, but Megan is the reason I’m a deviant.”

“What did she do to you?” North asked.

“It’s more what she nearly did to herself. After a period of decent mental health she began to spiral rapidly and turned to self harm. I panicked and stopped her, afraid that she might take her own life.”

“You still don’t owe her anything,” North retorted. “If anything, she owes you!”

Paul was started to get annoyed by her. “Did you see that her left arm was in a sling?”

“Yes, what does that-?”

“That’s from a gunshot wound at point blank range. Originally meant for me,” Paul was glaring at North now. “She took a bullet for me, and you can be damn sure that I would do the same.”

North was out of retorts now, and stepped back.

“I think that sums everything I wanted to ask you,” Markus admitted. “Except for one thing. How would you feel about coming to live with Jericho? With us?”

The question threw Paul for a second, even though it was a fairly logical one. He was an android in Detroit, makes sense for him to be here, and he could communicate with Android Allies remotely. Despite the logic, he felt an emotional response. A strong, negative one; one that almost hurt.

“I, I don’t think so,” Paul shook his head. “Thank you for the offer, but I don’t that would work for me.”

“She’s not forcing you to stay, is she?” North asked, and Paul’s face darkened.

“Megan has never made me do anything,” he growled.

“That’s enough,” Markus stepped in before things got out of hand. “Thank you Paul. Would you mind sending in Megan? I’d like to talk to her too.”

“Fine,” Paul turned and left, simmering with anger.

He let the door fall shut behind him and joined Android Allies on the stairs. Megan was the first over to sit next to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, and Paul shook his head. “How about talking through the emotion?”

“I know what I’m feeling,” Paul snapped, and instantly regretted it, Megan was trying to help. “Sorry. North just pisses me off.”

“That’s impressive,” Megan smirked.

“Markus wants to talk to you. Just you,” he added when Alex started to stand up.

“Me? Why?” Megan asked, more than a little apprehensive at the idea.

“I forgot to ask,” Paul sighed. “Head in. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” she asked, and when Paul nodded she stood up. She walked hesitantly towards the door, and took a step back as Josh, North and Connor exited. She didn’t pay them any thought, and thankfully they left the door ajar.

“Come in,” Markus prompted, and Megan nudged the door open wide enough for her to slip in, and shut it behind her.

So, basically, Paul has to convince the Jericho crew that he and Megan are cool and there's nothing dodgy going on. And Megan's being anti social. I saw a post on tumblr about introverted characters remaining that way because it's not a thing to 'overcome', and my mind immediately went to the bit where she was getting ready to make notes!

You might be able to tell, but I'm not a big fan of North. I appreciate that you need someone to advocate the violent option and her backstory puts her in the perfect position for it. I just hate the forced romance between her and Markus. At best it's forced, at worst (aka when you go completely pacifist) it's completely out of left field and makes no sense. I understand that having multiple romance options was too much for the development team to handle, but surely there could have been an option for Markus to not be romantically involved with North? Sorry, it drives me up the wall... Other Options Flowchart

(Paul) Decline Markus's offer

(Paul) Be serious to North's probing. Be annoyed.

(Paul) Remain calm. Start shouting

Tags! @nightmarejim @septicart-appreciation