#Build a community on Substack

[mehmetyildizmelbourne-blog]

What Makes This Advanced Book for Freelance Writers Exceptional?

Editorial Review of A Powerful Toolkit for Advanced Substack Newsletter Mastery Written by content strategist, leading author, and community builder Dr Mehmet Yildiz, A Powerful Toolkit for Advanced Substack Newsletter Mastery is not just another addition to the sea of freelance writing guides. It’s a symbol of clarity, care, and insights tailored for those ready to elevate their writing craft…

[firenati0n]

hello friends!

i posted this link on bsky + twt as well, but wanted to share for my tumblr-only beloveds too 💛

i wrote a very short personal essay about finding community and self-love in unexpected places 🥰 if you are interested in reading!!

thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement towards this piece so far. i am grateful for my community and the support i receive…i do not take it for granted! it means a whole lot to me!! vulnerability is never easy, but i hope this helps someone feel less alone.

sometimes, things feel very isolating and all-consuming in the moment, especially during a tumultuous chapter of life. but such experiences are common, and i have had a wonderful time talking with y'all about it. i am holding everyone's messages and stories very gently in my palm. so so privileged to get to do this!!!! some very lovely and heartfelt convos in my DMs :)

here for you if you ever need an ear or shoulder. 💛 more essays to come! am currently drinking throat coat tea and tapping away at another one. see you soon. :)

xoxo roop

[theoverstimulated]

If you're interested in building community and acting in solidarity, this week's post is a short piece about an easy action you can take today.

[olis-inkwell-symposium]

if you wanted to head over snag a free sub to my substack here’s the link to my intro post:

i’ll be posting some very interesting explorations into world building and character creation there from now on!

you’ll also be the first to be notified of the latest updates to my world building templates i’m gearing up to release!

over 70+ fantasy world-building templates to help enhance and improve your designs and elements within your worlds! 🫶🏾

taglist

@slenders1ckn3ss @lucistarsfire @mai2themai @fond-illusion @p00lverinecentral

[piastriprincess]

if  you  keep  it  just  yours ⸻ charles  leclerc  x  reader  .

featuring  charles  leclerc  ,  writer!reader  ,  fluff  ,  smau . author’s  note  requested  by  anon  !  i’m  sorry  it  took  so  long  but  i  loved  your  request  and  your  kind  words  ,  i  hope  i  did  it  justice  !  tried  to  get  this  out  today  in  honor  of  the  #chodium  .  this  is  my  first  try  at  an  smau  so  PLEASE  be  nice  …  i’m  still  not  sure  i  love  the  way  this  turned  out  but  nevertheless  we  persist  !  i  also  had  to  drop  some  ancient  charles  lore  in  this  …  rip  bawsixteen  we still talk about you .  anyway  please  let  me  know  what  you  think  and  if  i  should  keep  trying  smaus  …  i  promise  i  won’t  be  upset  if  you  hated  it  <3  title  is  from  paris  by  taylor  swift  (in  honor  of  her  owning  the  masters  again  !!!)

liked by emmachamberlain, dollyalderton and 27,054 others yourusername it’s official — i’m in my monaco era! paris will always have mon coeur but it’s time for a change of scenery. here’s to good beaches and hopefully better stories 🐚💌

user1 THEEEE modern carrie bradshaw frfr ⤷ user2 No bc I can’t wait to hear her stories about the Monaco dating scene??? user3 romanticizing your life is BACK and yn is leading the charge !! user4 already screaming at how chic this is. give me the essay collection immediately yourbff OMG I need to visit asappppp ♥ liked by author ⤷ yourusername missing you already ! user5 bienvenue à monaco! you will love it here :) user6 main character of her own european romance novel iktr  camillecharriere oh i want to be you when i grow up ♥ liked by author user7 This post feels like the opening scene of an HBO show I’ll binge 16000 times…

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to: Y/N L/N your.name@gmail.com  from: Jean-Claude Ravello jean-claude@bellevue.mc subject: Bienvenue au Bellevue!

Bonjour mademoiselle L/N, 

Welcome to your new home at the Residence Bellevue — we are so happy to have you here! I am sure you will quickly discover that Monaco is a small place, but this building is even smaller. Please, consider yourself part of the family already!

A few quick notes to help you settle in:

Waste and recycling are collected on Tuesdays and Fridays. There are trash chutes on every floor, but the recycling must be taken to the bins by the side entrance.

Wi-Fi information is included in the welcome folder. I know you mentioned you were a writer, so if you should need a stronger signal, the rooftop lounge is a favorite quiet working spot for our residents.

Your neighbors are both longtime Bellevue residents, so if you have any questions about the building that I cannot answer (or you just do not want to ask me!) please feel free to reach out to them. Charles actually grew up in Monaco and knows the city inside and out so if you need any recommendations I am sure he would be happy to help. Sharing both neighbors’ contact information (with permission):

Laura (16A): +377 08 35 19 72

Charles (16C): +377 99 42 67 01

Do not hesitate to contact me with any maintenance concerns or general questions! Wishing you a smooth unpacking. We are delighted to have you join our community.  

Welcome home, Jean-Claude Ravello Building Superintendent

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liked by jiatortellini, kikagomes and 31,652 others yourusername from me to you, a new essay on the unique magic of starting over and the way a stranger can start to feel like a story. up now on substack! let me know what you think xx

user8 “balcony boy” WE CHEERED MOTHER IS BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER ⤷ user9 Her writing isn’t just about the men she’s dating… ⤷ user8 okay congrats you read. do you want a medal?? should we throw a party?? should we invite bella hadid?? marlowetatiana Obsessed ! ♥ liked by author user10 saw the notif at brunch and opened substack immediately like sorry guys my parasocial internet bestie needs to tell me about her new crush user11 @ oprah @ reesewitherspoon @ pitbull GET HER A BOOK DEAL STAT! ⤷ user12 girl what is mr. worldwide going to do… user13 “Maybe Balcony Boy and I will never really meet. Maybe we’re destined to almost-know each other indefinitely… But still, there’s something delicious about the romance of the near miss.” WOW!!!! ♥ liked by author yourbff What did I say… I give it a week ⤷ yourusername it’s been ten days actually. this is what growth looks like! take notes! user14 i get her bc balcony boy has me in a chokehold too and i’ve never even seen him

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OUTGOING AUDIO MESSAGE ▶‖ to: bestie • 02:23  •၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•

“Okay, so… I know I was supposed to check in after fifteen minutes and I’m really late and now I’m hiding out in the bathroom like I’m in a rom com from the 2000s because… I don’t know, I just — I just need a minute to breathe. [pause] I thought this was just a stupid little crush and I’d go on this date and get over it but he’s… Babe, he’s really sweet. He opened doors for me. He pulled out my chair. He called me chérie. He even laughed at my stupid joke about the bread basket! And he’s so — ugh. He’s so pretty and he smells so good, it’s rude. It’s actually unfair how perfect he is. [long sigh] But that’s not even the thing. Like, it’s not even that he’s cute. Okay, maybe it’s a little bit that he’s cute but — he’s smart. And funny. And curious, and he listens when I talk, like really listens, even if it’s stupid or rambley, and he asked about my writing and actually wanted to hear about it. I don’t want to jinx it or anything, but… yeah. I might be in trouble here. It feels like it could be something, you know? [pause] Okay. I really need to go back before he thinks I climbed out the window. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. Love you so much.”

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@ yourusername • instagram notifications you have (1) new follow request from @ bawsixteen !

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liked by hunterh, oliviarodrigo, and 28,253 others yourusername life is looking pretty good lately

user15 is that a m-m-man ?!?!?!?! ⤷ user16 better question IS THAT BALCONY BOY ⤷ user17 It literally has to be! She hasn’t written about anyone else user15 okay i’ve gotten over my shock. who the hell is he bc his hand is fine as fuck rachsyme and you look even better! ♥ liked by author yourbff oh so we’re soft launching now… 👀 ♥ liked by author ⤷ yourusername yeahhhhh so i owe you SEVERAL voice memos user18 LOVERGIRL ERA user19 mother is boo’d up… congrats to whoever’s bouncing on it 😭 ⤷ user20 you almost got it sweetie. don’t worry. we’ll wait. bawsixteen Pretty flowers :) ♥ liked by author ⤷ yourusername almost as pretty as the guy who gave them to me :)

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to: All Subscribers everythingiknowaboutsubs@substack.com from: Y/N your.name@substack.com subject: everything i know about falling

Everything I Know About… Falling

So here’s the thing about me and Balcony Boy (and yes, even though we’re actually dating now, I’m still not graduating to using his actual name with you all!) Somewhere in between our first kiss overlooking the harbor and him learning to make me blueberry pancakes just the way I like them, I’ve realized I can’t lie to myself that it’s casual anymore. 

And that is completely terrifying. 

You know that feeling when you’re reading a really good book and you look up and realize that you’ve been on another planet for hours? Where you’ve forgotten to check your phone, forgotten to be anxious about deadlines, forgotten about every single thing except the story and the words on the page? That’s what being with Balcony Boy feels like. Like nothing matters except existing in that very moment with him. 

I’m not used to staying present like that. My mind is like a summer storm, always pulled in a million different directions. I used to think it was a strength of mine: a skill, even. It made me a better writer, a better thinker. But that constant motion was also my shield — from boredom, from failure, from getting too attached to anything. Self-preservation disguised as independence. Emotional distance disguised as something casual. 

When Balcony Boy came into my life, yes, I liked him immediately. Six feet of tan, hot, shirtless neighbor. Let’s be real. Who wouldn’t enjoy that view? But somewhere along the way, he stopped being a charming background character in my life and started being the type of steady presence that made me want to slow down. To sit still. To listen. To trust. And that is such a new feeling that I can’t help but be scared.

Here’s the truth: I’ve dated a lot of men who liked the idea of me. Men who wanted to be a muse and then flinched when I spilled my truth onto the page. Men who liked a complicated woman until the complications weren’t cute anymore. Men who wanted me to be emotionally available for them, and who never really listened in return. All of that was okay, because I wasn’t staying still long enough for the pain to be anything more than a glancing blow. 

But Balcony Boy doesn’t just like the idea of me. He doesn’t need to be the story — he just wants to make space for mine. He reads my drafts and underlines all his favorite lines. He twirls me around my kitchen when I laugh and he holds me when I cry. He listens. He shows up, quietly and without spectacle. He brings me coffee and croissants when I’ve been writing too long and forget to eat. It sounds crazy, but I'm scared of this because if I lose it, for the first time in a long time, it'll really, really hurt. But Balcony Boy tells me I’m brave when I’m terrified. And for the first time in a long time, he makes me want to believe him. 

I used to think love was about dramatic gestures, but maybe this is what love feels like when it’s real. Not the fireworks (although there are plenty of those, too), but the foundation. Not someone catching you when you fall, but someone taking your hand so you don’t have to be scared of the jump in the first place. 

So here I am. Jumping, without hesitation. And if the fall kills me, at least I’ll have had the pleasure of doing it with him. 

yours, y/n xx

next week: everything i know about long-distance - on dating someone whose job takes them away more than you’d like, and learning to miss someone properly.

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liked by bawsixteen, rachelchinouriri, and 29,311 others yourusername so in love that i might stop breathing, drew a map on your bedroom ceiling

user21 mama… mama a man behind you ⤷ user22 the launch is getting harder and harder user23 starting the investigation into balcony boy’s identity. james bond has nothing on me yourbff Happy looks sooooo good on you babe ♥ liked by author  user24 the note OH LET ME KILL MYSELF !!!!!!!!!! hunterh beautiful girl! ♥ liked by author user25 this has gone on long enough WHO IS HE ⤷ user26 She’s allowed to keep it private for as long as she wants! ⤷ user25 "keep it private" blah blah blah consider i’m living vicariously through her and i want to know :) ⤷ user27 that's definitely a ferrari he's driving in slide 3... bawsixteen Belle chérie ♥ liked by author user28 oh i just KNOW balcony boy is sooooooo fine

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REDDIT: TOP POSTS TODAY r/yourusername • crossposted to r/formula1 • 3h ago posted by u/luvleclerc

hear me out… i think i know who balcony boy is!

okay i know this sounds insane but LISTEN. i’ve been reading y/n’s substack for ages and am also a huge fan of formula one. i’m absolutely convinced that balcony boy is charles leclerc. 

EVIDENCE so yall don’t call me crazy:

so y/n moved to monaco a few months ago, and posted this photo from her balcony. she’s never said exactly where she lives but you can see the harbor in the background and we know charles lives near there. and this story he posted the other day? like not to be a stalker but tell me that’s not almost exactly the same view. almost like they're neighbors... also the timeline of her moving to monaco almost perfectly matches when charles started posting less on socials!!!

then we get into the balcony boy content, which if you haven’t read… oh my god. y/n’s writing is so beautiful that it doesn’t even make you feel bad about being painfully single. balcony boy literally feels like a romcom hero come to life. she doesn’t drop a ton of personal details about him but here’s what she HAS said:

“Some people flirt with their eyes and their smile. Others, apparently, do it by playing you a piano étude at golden hour, notes drifting on the sea breeze like a love song.” … guess who else FAMOUSLY plays piano????? charles marc hervé perceval leclerc.

balcony boy is genuinely curious about her writing and reads all her essays. this is exactly how charles is in interviews - always engaged and thoughtful with questions.

balcony boy is fine with being written about and isn’t bothered that y/n is somewhat well known. sounds like a person who already knows how it feels to be in the spotlight!!!!

“Dating a man who’s gone every other weekend means learning to say goodbye. But even when he’s on the other side of the world, he never makes me feel like he’s far away.” F1 CALENDAR HELLO…

mentioned that balcony boy grew up near where they live (“knows the streets of this place like the lyrics of his favorite song”). prince of monaco!!!! i rest my case!!!!

one last thing: her most recent posts are totally a soft launch and the guy’s hair in the 1st slide looks EXACTLY like charles's. plus there’s this comment from someone called @ bawsixteen about the flowers like he gave them to her? i checked the account and it’s private with no profile photo, but the display name says CL. cl… sixteen… it CAN’T be a coincidence!!

⬆ 16.1K ⬇  •  🗨 897  •  ➦ SHARE

TOP COMMENTS u/f1gossipgirl • 3h ago  this is the most unhinged thing i’ve ever read but you’ve convinced me ⬆ 3.4K ⬇

u/fromthedeskof • 48m ago NOOOOO PLEASEEE not my favorite microinfluencer i can’t have everyone finding out about her… she’s MY parasocial bestie ⬆ 2.5K ⬇ ⤷ u/albonnation • 11m ago it's too late she has wag allegations :( she’s about to blow up ⬆ 332 ⬇ ⤷ u/everythingyn • 9m ago rip to our cozy lil substack community, she will be missed 💔 ⬆ 597 ⬇

u/BeanbagGreg • 1h ago  This subreddit is focused on racing. Stick to discussion of driving please ⬆ 1.7K ⬇ ⤷ u/piastriwdc • 26m ago literally no one asked you to read this… how many times do we have to teach you this lesson old man? ⬆ 4.8K ⬇

u/romanticrealist • 35m ago  ok grandma let’s get you to bed ⬆ 992 ⬇ ⤷ u/sallyrooneyluvbot • 6m ago Literally like as if she would ever date an athlete?? Be so fr ⬆ 81 ⬇ ⤷ u/landoleclerc • 2m ago um have you SEEN charles leclerc? don’t you ever speak on my goat like that ⬆ 133 ⬇

u/charlesdefender • 2h ago  wait she’s sooooo pretty what’s her instagram ⬆ 689 ⬇

SEE MORE...

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@ yourusername • instagram notifications you have (8,692) new follow requests from @ leclercwdc, @ charloslover, @ f1ella and others !

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liked by charles_leclerc, bawsixteen, and 95,214 others yourusername privacy sign on the door… taking balcony boy offline for now xx

charles_leclerc Je t’aime ♥ liked by author

comments have been limited on this post

[honeytonedhottie]

for all the business girlies.ೃ࿔*:･🍨🎀

hey girlies 💕 each monthly catalog needs a promo spotlight, and for the june edition of the it girls magazine im looking for a dreamy small biz to feature in the issue. if u offer a cute service, sell things, or run a cute little shop i'd love to promote you.

📋 the feature is TOTALLY free, because im focusing on building trust and community over on my substack right now

📋 you'll get a full promo section + linking your business in the magazine and all of your socials

HOW DO I GET FEATURED? ;

if u want to be featured just send the following ->

₊˚⊹ ᰔ an intro about what you do

₊˚⊹ ᰔ links to ur shop or social media

₊˚⊹ ᰔ cute pics of the service/product if u have them

you can email me at my business email honeythedoll777@gmail.com OR u can dm me right here on my blog and i'll get back to u as soon as possible. let’s build something pretty + powerful together 🍬

[milkweedtussocktubers]

Help a Queer Farmer Stay Warm This Winter

Hello friends,

I'm a queer, regenerative farmer, running a diversified, collaborative farm. We've been in business for 25 years; I've been manager for 3. One year ago, my mother, who ran the greenhouse and plant side of things, passed away from complications with her Myasthenia Gravis. Since then, I've had to scale down, step back, and give myself and my father, who works alongside me, some time to grieve and reorient ourselves. I am transitioning the farm to one that works within the gift economy, sharing food, labor and building community.

All of this has taken time, and taken funds that we haven't had the capacity to replenish. And so now, after years of giving away food and creating a sanctuary here, we need your help.

This isn't a farm fundraiser - I just need some money to purchase heating oil, firewood and pay for the repairs to my furnaces. It's 5F as I type this, and we're running out of fuel. Our county has no more emergency heating funds left.

I know everyone says this, but every bit does help. All we need is a hand up, to help us hold on as we adjust to our new reality and new farm.

Thank you, and much love,

Milkweed

P.S. If you'd like to explore our work, and see that we truly are committed to our community-building mission, you can check out our blog at The Bittersweet-Milkweed Collaborative Substack.

I've been asked to add a Venmo or Paypal account to this, so here's my Venmo: we're @MilkweedTussockTubers, www.venmo.com/u/MilkweedTussockTubers

And Paypal is: @milkweedtussocktuber

[aceauthorarielle]

On Resistance

(This is taken from my Substack; link available at the bottom.)

We are living in a fraught moment. Facism’s back and it’s coming for all of us, and the only sane response here is to fight like hell. If you’re here, reading me, then I know you’re fighting, and I’m insanely proud of you. I’m not suggesting you take a rest, because we can’t, but I do want to talk about some of the ways that we can resist intensely but internally, on the days that we can’t go out there and scream into the void in the desperate hope that it’ll make someone change their damn mind.

Chuck Tingle, probably one of my favorite content creators (and a delightful writer of subversively hilarious sex stories) talks a lot about love being resistance, and I find that statement, that sentiment to be one of the most empowering I’ve encountered. I thought of that yesterday when I was out there on the curb yelling “HEY HEY, HO HO, THE FACIST FUCK HAS GOT TO GO” and sweating for the revolution surrounded by a bunch of beautiful accomplices all of whom just want to survive.

Love is part of how we survive.

The way we choose to love and connect is a core part of our authenticity, and there is maybe NOTHING in this world more powerful than to resist the destruction of our authentic selves. The way they break us is by taking away the parts of us that make us who we know we are. It’s how they confuse us and subdue us, it’s how they drag us into despair. Fighting against that despair is part of our day to day revolution.

While standing on that curb with tons of people I’d never met before, I fell a little bit in love with them, and I gave. I gave them my time, my moment, my chants, my energy, my dedication, and they gave all of theirs back to me, and we built a tiny community right there by the intersection for just maybe thirty minutes of passionate revolution.

We were our entire true selves, and we embraced each other’s true selves, and we stood together to be a wall of true, authentic human reality against the wave of horror that’s already here, and that is one way that love can and should be resistance.

Do NOT comply. Do not let them tell you that the way you love, the people you love, the way you build your family and the joy you take in it are wrong, broken, or not allowed. DO NOT LET THEM TAKE THAT FROM YOU. Fight back by loving harder, dedicating yourself more deeply to the people who matter to you, being louder and prouder and more effusive about your love because the more of that you give, the more you strengthen the people around you who are desperate to be seen as authentic and real in the face of this miasma of doubt and confusion.

Love with joy. Joy is subversive. Joy is a refusal to despair, and if you refuse to despair, if you DEMAND your authentic love, the only access they have to you is through physical violence and deprivation.

I can’t tell you how to fight that. I only know this;

I know that every time you say “I want to offer you the most authentic and beautiful love I have,” you become powerful. Every time you let yourself be that honestly, beautifully vulnerable with someone, you create an empowered space where someone can feel seen, heard, and known. Every time you REFUSE to be flattened, lessened, and diminished, you’re a fucking lighthouse for the people that need to know it’s still possible to find that kind of joy.

I think of Cody Daigle-Orians as I write this. He’s a fucking beam of laser-bright relief in a world full of “you can’t love that way.”

Cody Daigle-Orians , for the record, is @acedadadvice on most social media platforms, if you want to follow, and I STRONGLY encourage it. Get yourself some @drchucktingle while you’re at it; you won’t regret it.

They can pry the joy I find in my loves and my family from my cold dead goddamn hands.

I didn’t survive twenty years of my own brain trying to take me down from the inside to give up now.

Love is resistance.

RESIST.

[drdemonprince]

I'm writing this after reading the ask about redditors who hate you, which made me realize that maybe I shouldn't just quietly consume and love your writing without ever interacting with it and show some actual gratitude.

I was traumatically and forcefully institutionalized at a very young age and on some level I understood even as an 11 year old that what made that systemic abuse possible were the ways people view children as lesser and undeserving of self-determination and the attitudes the psychiatrists had to their patients, as well as their power over us. Long before I ever learned the words child liberation and anti psych, I knew for a fact that these systems were bullshit.

When every single person in my life told me that I deserved what was done to me, I still, somehow, knew that I didn't. But for 16(!) years afterwards I never had the language to explain it nor any evidence that anyone else in the world thought the same, not even in communities that I considered pretty left wing.

Only in these last few months did I finally come across some real neurodivergent self advocacy and first and foremost you. I really can't begin to describe what some of your substack posts mean to me, how much I could finally feel things clicking into place. It feels to me like between finding your work (and some others) I am for the first time building a world view for myself that ACTUALLY explains my experiences.

You've changed my life and I almost would have never let you know, so just think how many people your writing must have helped who'll simply never mention it!

wowww, oh my goodness thank you for this kind message. I often feel that I was just at the right place at the right time, in being introduced to the right confluence of influences to start to figure out systems that had confounded me all my life. a lot of people have been anarchists and liberationists their whole life long but I was late in getting into some of them and I'm just thankful I was able to find my way.

[teawiththegods]

Okay so considering the propaganda bullshit of TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, and Threads where are the online spaces (other than tumblr) we’re building community?? I’m staying on YouTube and Tumblr and I made a Bluesky account. I’m thinking about making a Substack as well. Any other social media platforms I should know about??

[mehmetyildizmelbourne-blog]

A Game-Changing Resource for Freelance Substack Writers

Editorial Book Review My Editorial Review of Dr. Mehmet Yildiz’s “A Powerful Toolkit for Advanced Substack Newsletter Mastery” as a beta reader and one of the editors The author of this book not an ordinary writer. He is an exceptional leder in his field and a leader of a large writing and reading group on Medium and Substack.  I have known him personally for decades. I learned more about his…

[theoverstimulated]

That time I tried to connect my readers/subscribers and try to cultivate community and only one person commented. (I am not deterred for future community building though.)

[dolphin-diaries]

A Conversation With Lucy Kartikasari

An interview with a fellow detrans woman and activist about her experience. Originally posted on the Dolphin Diaries substack.

Dolphin Diaries: Would you introduce yourself and describe how you identify?

Lucy Kartikasari: Hi! My name is Lucy Kartikasari. I’m twenty-eight years old, I live in the Netherlands and I would label myself as a queer, bisexual detrans woman. Aside from my normal day job, I’m an online activist for LGBTQ rights with a focus on community-building between trans and detrans people. I feel like that is very sorely needed in today’s political climate.

So, when people think of detrans people, they usually think about the medical aspects of transition first and foremost. You were a teenager when you started transitioning, and you went through the Dutch transition procedure, is that correct?

Right, that is correct. I was twelve when I started my social transition and sixteen when I started my medical transition.

What has that experience been like?

My experience of it as a teen was marked by long waiting lists—which are still part of trans healthcare in the Netherlands today. After I came out to my parents, we went to our GP, and then I spent about three and a half years on a waitlist before I could even start the diagnostic portion of the transition process. It’s all been quite gatekeep-y.

But at the same time, I don’t think the psychologists involved really understood transition and what might motivate someone like me to do it. For me specifically, the root of my transition was the idea that I’d be a failure as a woman. I couldn’t be that beautiful, thin, hairless doll. So I remember the doctors asking me, have I considered if I could just be a masculine woman? And, no. I don’t think this way anymore, obviously, but back then, for me being a masculine woman also meant being a failure. Anything less than picture-perfect cisheteronormativity was not good enough. So I felt like, I may as well be a man. And I don’t think they understand what that kind of trauma looks like.

So, based on the kinds of questions they were asking you, what do you think they were trying to screen you for?

I think, besides asking if I was just a masculine woman, they were trying to screen for things like sexual trauma. But mostly it was, like, what makes you not want to be a woman? And I would say, well, it’s my body parts. I had a lot of negative thoughts about having extra fat on my body—you know, growing up in a half-Asian household, fatphobia is very common. Only thin women can be successful, and if you’re not under fifty kilos, you’re not thin enough. And so I had a lot of negative feelings about that and my breasts in particular. Just very disinterested in having them, very unhappy with them. And I didn’t really want to be a woman, so I was like, well if I want to live as a man, I should have a flat chest, a penis, and so on. And so, because I was so dissatisfied with my body and with my breasts especially, that assured them it was really gender dysphoria. I don’t think they really understood my cultural context, either.

Would you say it was like, the doctors were aware that women might have bodily insecurities, but surely, if you were really a woman, you wouldn’t hate it that badly?

Exactly. And while I was on the waitlist, I was in therapy, but I was never in therapy with someone who specialised in gender dysphoria. They just looked at me and went, well, let’s wait four years and see if the child still wants to transition. So what happened was, I spent all that time presenting as a boy, at the time that my identity was really crystalising, between the ages of twelve and fifteen. So by the time it came to doing the diagnostics, I was already like, yeah I’m a boy, there’s nothing else to it. I’m a dude.

So it sounds like, since you had to wait so long, you weren’t really coming to a psychologist to help you with figuring out your transness? You just came there specifically to transition?

Yeah. When I first came out, it was to my dad, and I wasn’t sure then. I just said, I think I’m a boy. What would’ve been helpful for me at the time was if someone would’ve sat down with me and helped me untangle my feelings, why I was so insecure about the idea of growing up as a woman, why the trappings of a female body were so traumatising to me. Why I had so many of these weird issues of, like, my bones being too big, my wrists not being small enough. Because I was just like: I don’t want to fail, I don’t want to be bad at this; I may as well do something I’ll be good at.

So that time you spent living as a boy while not being able to access medical transition—how did that affect you?

I felt like I was a victim of my own biology. I felt like, if I was on testosterone, at least some of this fat would be muscle. I know it’s a lot of fatphobia—don’t get me wrong, I’m a gym girl now, I know you don’t have to be on T for that. But I’m still working very hard to deconstruct all these things. Back then, I looked at my unclothed body with revulsion, and I felt like a masculine body would be so much better than whatever I had going on. Going through life as a boy while simultaneously being so disgusted with myself—it was just so much easier to exist in places where I didn’t have to be physically present, like online. I learned to detach my personality from my physicality, to disassociate.

Has that affected your experience with detransition?

Well, I’m twenty-eight now. My adolescence was a long time ago at this point, so it can be hard to reconnect with the way I used to feel back then. But that ability to disconnect from my body has actually made it easier to cope with my bodily insecurities now, too. Because it’s like, even if I feel horrible, even if I were to devolve into some sort of horrific creature physically, I know I’d still be me in my mind, no matter what.

And have you needed to access gender-affirming care as a detrans woman?

Yeah, I’ve had a total hysterectomy, so I’m reliant on oestrogen HRT for the rest of my life. I have had laser hair removal on my face, since the growth there was bothering me quite a lot. And I’ve been planning to undergo breast reconstruction and a treatment for the scarring on my chest.

In terms of access to gender-affirming healthcare for detransition as an adult, what’s been your experience?

As an adult, I found that there really are no protocols in place for detransition—like, they just don’t think about it at all. Some of my interactions with healthcare professionals have been quite callous. For example, when I first approached my doctor about switching my hormones, one of the first things he said to me was, You know it’s actually really rare for people to do this. And I was kind of like, well of course it’s rare. But how is that supposed to help me now?

One of the other things I had to do is wait. I took my last dose of testosterone in September 2022, and I only got to start oestrogen in December 2022.

So that’s like, months with low sex hormones across the board?

Yeah, it crashed pretty quickly. October, I wasn’t feeling great; November, menopausal symptoms were starting to kick in. It was starting to affect my day job. Thank goodness, the company doctor was an older woman, so I just explained to her my detransition and said, look, I don’t have hormones in my body right now. And she understood.

So, for November and January, I was actually experiencing menopausal symptoms for the second time in my life. Because I’ve also been on hormone blockers and nothing else when I was sixteen. There’s some comedy there, menopause at sixteen and then again at twenty-six. Now I look back at it and laugh, but at the time it was obviously horrific.

As for the social aspect of detransitioning, I didn’t really want to tell people about it because I was essentially stealth in a lot of places, especially my professional life. So people in the workplace would see me and interpret me as a trans woman all of a sudden. To be fair, I was working in data engineering, so I think everyone was just looking at me and being like, yep, makes sense.

This dovetails into my next question: what has it been like, outside of online and queer spaces, to live as a detrans woman?

It’s been kind of a mixed bag. I think my greatest concern, or fear, or whatever you want to call it, has been triggering people’s transmisogyny, because they assume I’m a trans woman. I’ve had instances where I, like, went out partying and approached a guy, and then that guy found my Instagram. He saw my they/she/he pronouns, heard my voice. And then he was just like, You used to be a man. And we’re in the middle of a dance floor, I’m not giving him my entire gender history. At that particular club, I was with my sister and knew the security, so I knew I’d be safe if something went down, but it was scary. Dating in general is strange, intensely uncomfortable and scary. I just have to throw my entire story out there, because otherwise it’s like, what’s up with these chest scars? And you know, with single-sex spaces, I go to the changing rooms in the gym with my sister, because I’m scared that, if I speak a word, there will be a problem. Legally I’m still male and I have a traditionally masculine name, so I run into issues because of that, too.

When it comes to my friends and family, however, they’ve been really good. I’ve been so lucky. And I think it’s also because I’ve been so open about my transition and everything that went into it, that people were like, well, Lucy, we love you no matter what. It’s all good; if you want to detransition, that’s fine; if you want to retransition later, that’s also fine. There’s only one exception to that, and it’s my mum. She struggled a lot with my transition in the beginning, so it was quite hard to tell her. Even to this day, I think she still has issues with the fact I want to be a mother, in part because it will cost me a lot of money. So I waited until, like, four months on E to tell her, surprise, I’m your daughter again.

I also worry about certain expectations being put on me again, like the way I need to look, act, sound. But I feel like that’s kind of just being a woman in society, unfortunately.

Have you ever worried about coming out as detrans and unintentionally confirming people’s worst suspicions about trans people?

I find that the one way I combat this is, just by openly stating that this is my experience—I really emphasise that. If you want to take my story and run with it, I can’t really stop that. But I try to be really emphatic of my support for trans people, of my trans friends, even if it’s a little silly. Like, I still do the testosterone shots for my best friend, who’s a trans guy; I’m friends with trans girls; I’m still very much in community with trans people. When I say this so often, it might come across to other queer people as performative—but that’s the point, I need to do this performance when I talk to cis people who really don’t get it. For whom I’m just a confirmation of their worst instincts.

So what has being detrans been like for you in queer circles?

In my local communities in the Netherlands, because I’ve been involved with activism, it’s really fine as I’ve made a name for myself in being very pro-trans rights. Overall, it’s been good.

Were you involved in activism before you detransitioned, also?

I only really got involved in activism as a detrans person. Before that, I felt like there were so many people much more eloquent than me, people who already have huge followings—what could I possibly add to the conversation? But then, about six months after detransitioning, I found a tweet by Oli London [about detransition], and that was a catalyst. I thought, I need to do something about this. I figured that I could add way more to the conversation about being detrans and in community with trans people than anything else.

What would you say are trans people’s attitudes about detransition and detrans people?

I think it really depends on the age. I feel like, the younger you go, the more vitriolic the hatred towards detrans people. Young people and especially teenagers are very prone to black-and-white thinking. I think—and this is going to be controversial—that the trans kids who are incredibly vitriolic towards detrans people are the ones who are most likely to detransition later down the line, because they do not give any room for their doubts and might be reacting this way because they’re hiding something away. But generally, I’d say the older you get, the more someone has been in community with other trans and queer people, the more likely they are to look at your experience in a nuanced way. At least that’s what I observe with my followers. The only exception is—and I know this comes from a place of pain—some trans women who really hate detrans women, because they see it as squandering the gift of natural-born femininity. Like, you had this, I want it and I can’t have it—and you just threw it away.

When you describe your experience to trans people, do they recognise it as a detrans experience? Or is it usually the first time they hear something like that in regards to detransition?

I think it’s usually new to them in that context. I think the only detransition content they’ve encountered before was, let’s face it, Christofascist white nationalist content. Let’s just call a spade a spade. So the fact they’re hearing someone empathetic to trans people, who wants them to have adequate healthcare, job opportunities, everything—that’s new. They’re very quick to rip into certain well-known right-wing detransitioners, but when they respond to me with hate because I’m detrans and I just shrug it off, that kind of defangs it.

On a broader scale, would you say that detransitioning impacted the way you think about gender and sex?

Being a detrans woman just made me realise—it’s all the same thing. It’s always sexism, misogyny; it’s always hatred of the feminine, the unmet expectations of the feminine, failing to be a woman. I don’t understand how people like Chloe Cole and Prisha and whoever else can be like this, because you know they’ll treat you just the same as a trans woman. You’ll get lumped in when the chips are down. There’s so much more to gain in accepting gender fluidity, in community.

What would you say are the biggest challenges to detrans people right now?

I think it’s the fact that the organisations that have been founded supposedly to help us always have ulterior motives. For instance, I have a Brazilian detrans friend, and she complains to me it’s all very Jesus-saved-us there. I’m Australian, so I need to get all paperwork changes through the Australian government, and the only organisation that cares about detransition there is the LGB Alliance. Then you look at the US, and it’s Genspect. These organisations are usually Christofascist. So yeah, there’s never anything that offers a structured way of helping detrans people without that agenda. That would sort out your documents and your healthcare.

So what I’m surmising is, when detrans people need help with legal gender marker change or gender-affirming healthcare access, the only option they see available to them are those right-wing organisations?

Right. We need to take that power away from them.

I very much agree. Lastly, in your opinion, do detrans issues tie in with any broader issues right now?

I think a lot of the things relevant to detrans women tie in with general women’s issues. For instance, speaking as a detrans woman that has been sterilised, there’s reproductive healthcare. The Right has this chokehold on conversations of fertility; they talk about how you’ll never breastfeed, never have babies if you take T for too long, and so on. It’s about reproductive rights and control over everyone who has the capacity to bear children. And of course, there’s trans rights and the encroachment of transphobia. The Right wants to construct a very specific view of gender, of women, and in part they use detrans women to do that.

Lucy Kartikasari can be found over on TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, and Threads. She creates content about her transition and detransition as well as trans and detrans solidarity. Find her other links here.

[joyousjoyfuljoyness]

Been following Robert Reich for positivity and he recently listed his coping mechanisms on his substack:

My coping mechanisms:

- Limiting my news intake to small controlled doses

- Focusing on the present and what's in front of me

- Seeking and spreading happiness, and it's my goal with my art so I create art that makes me and others happy

- Looking for and celebrating every small win

- Listening to good music and watching uplifting TV shows/movies (been binging Queer Eye and Stargate SG1)

- Being kind to myself and stripping away any and all unnecessary shoulds/expectations

- Building my community of friends and family, lifting them up, supporting them and loving them

- Realizing the limits of what I can control and what can affect me directly

Hope you're doing well!

[oxymoronictransfem]

Welcome to my blog 𖤐

I am Mera (she/her). I am a black and Native American Marxist transfeminist who creates theory on underdiscussed topics.

I am a womanist, lesbian, intersex transgender woman.

Temporarily I am removing the link to my essay. It will be back up once it is altered with the intended changes.

For my other intro post.

At birth I was designated female. That event has impacted my experience with and relationship to transfemininity/transmisogyny. Regardless, like any other trans person, I do not identify with the gender assigned to me at birth. I identify as a woman, of which I was not assigned.

If you want to learn about it more, come talk to me! If you don't, do us both a favor and block me.

On this blog, “female” and female assignment refers to the patriarchy's idea of gender that determines that women should be defined by immutability, sexual subjugation and essential biological traits. Trans women too suffer under this assignment. Here, “female” does not refer to biological sex or gender identity. “Female” and woman are two different things.

My essay delves into this further.

I am several times more assertive of my identity and positionality than I used to be. Unless you have meaningful critique of my analysis, don't bother engaging with me. I've heard what you want to say before and I don't care to hear it again.

I'm open to honest conversation and discussion over my theory though I expect a basic understanding of marginalization dynamics on your part.

White people, that means stop making false race comparisons.

I won't tolerate transphobia (associating me with my assigned sex ie. calling me “an AFAB”) or purposeful misrepresentation of my posts or beliefs. If you treat me as “less trans” than other trans women or try to tell me I don't deserve a voice in transfeminine spaces then I will probably tear into you and/or call you pathetic.

TwERFS, transphobes, bigots, fascists/right wing, trans/misogynists, racists and serial harassers go fuck yourselves.

My posts of personal experience are based on my own struggles as a perpetual victim of transmisogynoir, I share them partly because this site needs more black transfeminized narratives and partly to illustrate how someone like me exists as a trans woman.

For more information, see my Bluesky, Substack, or Medium.

Block #transmisogyny tw #transmisogyny cw # transphobia tw & #transphobia cw if discrimination against transgender people triggers you.

Check my featured tags in the search for more!

FAQ

Is this an AFAB transfem blog?

This blog doesn't especially focus on transfems assigned female at birth, it's not a mogai blog or a contradictory label blog. This is a politics blog.

It is mostly about transfeminized people in general. That includes transgender people who weren't assigned male at birth yet have feminine gender identities that fundamentally don't align with their assignments and that defy patriarchal gender norms. I consider them under the transfeminine umbrella.

Do you support AFAB transfems?

In large part yes, I've come to a lot of different conclusions having surrounded myself with the community and in short I can say that I do. If you strongly oppose that I frankly don't care and would like you to consider that your perception of them — like mine was — is based on your assumptions rather than any real source. That's not a good way to build your perception of a minority.

And frankly I don't trust you if vocally obsess over them.

I don't personally appreciate the fact that there is such an emphasis on “AFAB” as part of the label and think that is a large part of why so many transmisogynists identify themselves that way but I understand there isn't much of another common way to communicate the same concept currently. This is why I coined “assignment variant”.

Are you an AFAB transfem?

Even though technically I was assigned female at birth and am transfeminine, please do not call me “AFAB”. Referring to me as “an AFAB” associates me with my assignment which upsets me as it would any other trans person. I would never describe another trans woman as “an AMAB” so don't do that to me. Neither AFAB nor AMAB is a social category or identity, it is a description of the coercive designation society assigns infants at birth that determines what they're supposed be.

I am a trans woman because I am trans in relation to my gender assignment — of which I do not identify — and utterly and entirely a woman.

Are you TME or TMA?

Considering that I am literally a trans woman who's womanhood is subject to being revoked or used against me at any moment, as well as my being frequently targeted and affected by transmisogyny it would be mistaken to consider me TME. This acknowledges my material reality and lived experiences that, regardless of your opinion, directly tie into my oppression.

I have lived with the internal experience of being trans ever since I was born and an external one for years now; excluding transmisogyny from an assessment of my marginalization leaves out crucial factors that contribute to my social position.

Transfeminism?

I am a very avid transfeminist. My theory, my accounts, my blog are all based around it. I have done a lot of reading and a lot of living which has influenced my own analysis. Do not assume that because of my assignment I am somehow naïve around topics within transfeminism. I have intricate knowledge of gender assignment and the functions of marginalization especially.

Don't bother to engage with me if you can't explain to me how marginalization as a whole generally works.

[darkmaga-returns]

Is this what America is going to do now when we have disasters? Bring in the bulldozers and the flame throwers? Light the trash and debris pyres, and once down to ashes, cover up and forget?

Dr. Peter and Ginger Breggin

Nov 22, 2024

“Outbreaks and natural disasters have shown that mismanagement of the dead can show distrust and undermine public health efforts to contain diseases and can also contribute to long-term trauma for survivors when the bodies of loved ones are not considered to have been treated with respect.”

Ethical and sociocultural challenges in managing dead bodies during epidemics and natural disasters

[Please click on the headline to read this complete article in Substack]

It does not take a public health study to tell us that disrespecting the remains of those lost in a storm or other disaster leads to grave distress among survivors. Respectful handling of the dead goes back into the misty records of human prehistory.

Yet, suddenly, these most fundamental, core traditions of human culture—how the dead are treated and disposed of—are being completely ignored by American federal and state agencies in southeastern Appalachia where more than 30 communities and an uncounted number of inhabitants have been wiped out by Hurricane Helene. Twenty-five North Carolina counties and the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians have been identified for Federal major disaster declaration—this approaches one third of the state of North Carolina. Tennessee, too, has been massively impacted by that storm.

FEMA Disaster Declaration of 10.15.2024

The surviving residents of Western North Carolina and volunteers are struggling to locate their missing and dead family members and neighbors, often last seen as they or their houses were swept away in a record-high tide of water or mud and debris. Since the early hours and days after Hurricane Helene hit the mountains of southern Appalachia, there have been eyewitness reports on social media of bodies hung up in trees, tangled in brush piles, buried in mountains of muck and uprooted trees, crumpled vehicles, smashed buildings and a toxic mix of chemicals, and sewage. Residents often don’t hear about toxic releases until much time has passed, leading to chemical burns, asthma and other toxic exposure-related illnesses.

Volunteer Search and Rescue teams with trained cadaver dogs are still doing body recovery; they see the desperate need. United Cajun Navy and Mercury 1 Charity are two of the organized charities doing search and rescue and air drops for those whose entire lives have literally been washed away as evidenced by 911 recordings just released on the 19th of November.