#QPR means Queer Platonic Relationship if you don't know

[caffeinated-beverage]

QPR!KateJana out on a date together at the Very Vintage™️ diner ❤️

Theyre holding hands under the table btw

[ze-writing-qprs]

Alastor x GN!Reader - 2

Headcanons [🩷QPR]

PART I

Alastor and Reader are aroace

Queer-platonic Relationship (do NOT read as romantic)

Fluffy n cute

Nothing is meant to sound or be s*xual (I am aroace and some stuff I say comes off that when I don't mean for it too)

Considering making a part 3

TW: Mention of cannibalism

PART 2

Alastor cooks for you

He listens to the radio while he does (I mean he is the radio demon-)

Has offered to let you try venison (raw) and demon (also raw)

You both give each other song recommendations (I like to think he enjoys most genres of music)

Dancing in the evenings as sunset peeks through the windows

He taught you a lot of dances (If you know how to dance, you taught him some as well)

Will sing to the songs he knows while you dance together

If you ask he might sing you to sleep

Has asked before if he could take a bite of your flesh (Again, he is a cannibal. But he respects you)

You take walks together

You try to find decent cafès or hole-in-the-wall restaurants to go to, this is usually difficult and most of the time you end up taking him to somewhere in cannibal town

He loves when you discuss music with him

You bash on Susan together

Alastor hates when you mention the “box faced man” that “seems to have a homoerotic crush on him” (your words, not his)

He gets all quiet and won’t look you in the eye when he is mad

He tries to distance himself and you take that as a sign to give him space to cool down

If he is just annoyed he will roll his eyes

But for you though, he doesn't seem to take the hint when you get annoyed or mad

This may cause you to give him the silent treatment (He understands at that point)

It’s a little unhealthy

You’ll learn to communicate better (he just might be a little.. difficult at times)

Like a true gentleman he will give your hand a kiss as a greeting

You both give each other forehead kisses

I like to think that he will just hold your hands randomly and play with your fingers

It’s cute

If you make him flustered he will lay his ears against his head

If you want to and play your cards right, he might let you cuddle together

You guys are cute.

[abcwordsurge]

aromantic character prompts

Because I'm so desperate to see these that I guess I'll just make them myself.

The aromatic character will be called "X," the plot convenience secondary character will be called "Y."

X feeling left behind when their best friend Y gets a romantic partner

X going on a blind date with Y, really enjoying themself, but panicking when Y asks to kiss them (or tries to kiss them without asking, for a little extra angst)

X nervously asking Y to be their queer platonic partner

X responding to "one day you'll find someone"

X listening to Y's romance troubles and trying to figure out how to say "I have literally no idea what you think you will gain by telling me this"

two (or more) romantic characters comparing their experience (i.e. an aro character in a relationship and a loveless aro talking about their difference, or aros bonding over their mutual annoyance over allos' tendency to invalidate them)

X realizing that they're aromantic and breaking up with their partner (or communicating and transforming their relationship into a QPR??)

and dialogue prompts:

"no, please... please don't say you love me"

"oh my god, same!"

"why is none of your art about love? don't you feel love?"

"I didn't know you felt that way about me"

"you don't even know what that means, do you"

"oh, I get it now, I don't like them, I just think they're pretty"

"I'm sorry I can't feel the same about you"

"I don't want to explain myself to you!"

"wow, that makes me feel so much better"

and, tip, just... listen to AJR's "Turning Out" trilogy. they just inspire me so much. sometimes when I'm writing something about an aspect character I put on those three songs in a loop to get into the mindset of an aspec person confused about romance.

feel free to use these with or without tagging me- because I am firmly of the opinion that if someone writes a fic (or draws something) based on the, like, ten words I wrote, they owe me nothing, because that art is theirs. but also I'd love to know I inspired someone haha

happy writing!

[dnpbeats]

Hii!! I'm newish in Dan and Phil fandom, so if you don't me asking: when dan and phil met were them already in college? And like, they went to the same university? I always get confused because they were born far apart, and they would go visit each other, but where? Honestly, I'm probably confused because I'm not from the UK lol

Thank you!!

Ohh, other thing, I saw some people saying that they may be in a "queer platonic relationship" and I'm asking this not because of them, but because I've never understood what does this tipe of relationship means? If you don't mind me asking, could you explain to me what a normal queer platonic relationship would look like?

Thanks again!!!

Sorry about my English!

hi!! welcome! :) also no need to apologize about your english <33

dan and phil met online actually! dan was a fan of phil's videos so he started tweeting at him. there are 4 years between them, they met when dan was 18 and phil was 22. at the time they both lived at their respective childhood homes, which i think were about 3 1/2 hours apart by train. when they met, phil had just graduated from a master's program and dan had just graduated high school (which is sometimes called "college" in the UK 😵‍💫). dan took a gap year, but then started attending university of manchester. during that time phil moved to manchester himself. so by the time dan was in university, they both lived in the same city, even though phil was already done with school! :) so yeah they didn't attend the same school (phil went to university of york), but even if they had, they wouldn't have overlapped at all due to there being 4 years between them. it just worked out that dan went to uni in the city where phil lived (but being real, dan most likely wanted to go to school in manchester bc that's where phil was, lol)

as for the queer platonic relationship thing (which you might also see people abbreviate as "qpr"), i'm not the best person to ask as i've never been in one, but essentially it is like a relationship where it goes beyond normal friendship (so like the people involved would consider each other partners), but there is no romantic aspect to it!! so like dating someone without the romance (anyone who is more qualified to answer feel free to chime in if i'm totally butchering this explanation 😭)

feel free to ask any other questions about d&p/phandom history as i know there's a lot to catch up on!! :)

[ace-sher-bi-john]

Sherlock Holmes: Aro-Spec, A-Spec, Gay Icon

What is Sherlock Holmes' orientation?

Asexual? Aromantic? Homosexual/romantic? Why not all three?

Something I've noticed during my time in this fandom is that people can't always agree on what Sherlock's sexual/romantic orientation is. Most people say that he's gay, some people say that he's ace. These two headcanons are rarely paired together.

I've seen people who think he's asexual be called homophobic because it feels like it's taking away from the gay representation they get from Johnlock. What they don't appear to realize is that asexual people can still have romantic or even sexual relationships. It also seems that people confuse being asexual with being aromantic a lot. Asexuality and aromanticism are not the same thing.

(There are lots of people who don't ship Johnlock, and either ship Sherl with someone else or with no one and that's valid! I personally am a Johnlock shipper)

Asexuality is defined as a lack of sexual attraction and Aromanticism is defined as a lack of romantic attraction. Both of these have a spectrum as well.

Asexual people can experience sexual attraction, only experience it sometimes, or not experience it at all. If you are anywhere on the asexual spectrum, it simply means that you don't experience an urge to have sex with someone in some or all cases.

You might enjoy sex. You might be repulsed by it. You might be completely indifferent towards it. You might even have urges every now and then. That is still valid. On one end of the spectrum, you don't experience any sexual attraction, on the other, you do experience sexual attraction, and all throughout the middle are varying levels of attraction/urges or lack thereof. There are more identities out there under the ace umbrella. There's demisexual which means that you only experience sexual attraction towards people you've developed an emotional connection with first. Greysexual means that you rarely experience sexual attraction, but it does happen sometimes. Lithosexual means you experience sexual attraction, but don't want it reciprocated. There are many more, you can do your research if you want to know all of them. I don't want to make this post too long, as I fear I may already have done.

The same thing goes for the aromantic spectrum.

Being aromantic means that you don't experience romantic attraction. Depending on where you are on the spectrum, you may experience romantic attraction sometimes, or not at all. Some aromantic people love the idea of romance, romantic gestures, have no problem holding hands, kissing, etc. You can participate in romantic relationships, you can get married, and it will never mean you're less aromantic. All being aromantic means is that you don't feel romantic attraction. It being a spectrum means that on one end, you do experience romantic attraction and on the other end you don't. All in the middle, you experience varying levels of romantic attraction. The labels are basically the same as the ace labels and mean basically the same thing.

(Edit: I've just noticed that I forgot to mention queer platonic relationships. So here we go)

Aromantic people may experience feelings for friends that go beyond friendship, but aren't in anyway romantic or sexual. They may choose to form relationships with others that are more than friendship but not quite romantic. These are called Queer Platonic Relationships or QPRs. They are just as valid as romantic relationships and are not just friendships. People in QPRs love their partner just as deeply, if not more so than people in romantic relationships.

When someone is asexual, but not aromantic, you put a label for their romantic attraction. For example: Biromantic asexual, heteromantic asexual, homoromantic asexual, panromantic asexual, etc.

So basically, you can experience limited or no sexual/romantic attraction and still have relationships. You can be aroace and gay. So therefore my headcanon is that Sherlock is grey-homoromantic asexual.

It took me a little bit of deciding between demiromantic and greyromantic. But they both sound just as cliche as the other. In both cases, John is the one and only person that Sherlock ever falls in love with. If he's demi, it's because he's never gotten this emotionally close to someone before and that's why John is his only love. But I wanted to see Sherlock struggle with his new, unfamiliar romantic feelings from the beginning. From that very first day that John walked into the lab at Bart's.

Sherlock doesn't even know what the weird emotions he's feeling are. They are subtle at first, because love at first sight is even more cliche. He doesn't really start to feel them as anything too distracting or difficult until the pool incident. Almost losing John, caused other unfamiliar feelings that Sherlock didn't want to deal with, along with the telltale signs of romantic love. But Sherlock chooses to ignore it for as long as possible, denying the fact that he could be in love with anyone. Let alone his very straight, not gay in the slightest, bi in denial roommate. It's too much of a risk with anyone. Platonic relationships are already a risk, but he's seen the strange things that romantic love can do to people. He doesn't allow himself to feel most emotions anyway, why would he allow himself to feel romantic love?

Once he allows himself to realize that the emotion he's feeling is romantic love, he struggles with his identity. He knows that he's aromantic, so how is it possible that he's feeling this way? Eventually he will come to discover greyromanticism and realize that he's not crazy, and he's not suddenly alloromantic. He is experiencing rare romantic feelings for John, which he's never experienced before and will likely never experience again.

He's still aromantic. He's not "fixed". Sherlock is valid in being aromantic and feeling romantic attraction.

Then add in some asexual tension once they finally get together and we should be good to go!

Thank you for reading. Hopefully that wasn't too long for you.

[lucithekingofhell]

Good afternoon your greatness! Hello Zoe! How y'all doin’? How's your loveable red-headed deer doing?….. I didn't break him already did I? Hope not. Not till LATER🤪🤣🤣

Luci, quick query do you know what the terms Aromantic and asexual, more commonly called aro and ace, are? It is highly suspected by fans(it is confirmed I know but for his sake) that Alastor is ace if you don't already know then I can tell you. Oh and with the Al suspicions, I also advise learning the term Queer-Platonic Relationship or QPR for short, another term for it is Queer-Platonic Partnership (QPP) which I can also teach you or you can ask someone at the hotel or look it up idk lol!

Now onto some other stuff!

I have a good bonding exercise for Charlie you can recommend! Partner Dancing! (iykyk🤭😏 I expect it to be a VERY entertaining story to tell LOL)

I think Imma end it off now!

JOKE OF THE DAY FIRST!!!

I think today I will tell you my favorite and most used joke!

I was digging in my garden when I found a chest full of gold coins! I wanted to run straight inside and tell my partner about it.

Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.

Don't get it? I'll tell you later! Well hope you and your boyfriend (?) have a good day! Bye, Zoe! Bye, Your Majesty!👋😊

"good afternoon!"

//Zoe: hi!

"we are doing pretty good, .... he's ok I guess...

//Zoe: he tried reading everything you just said and he had a malfunction, his little brain still can't understand, he will be back in a sec wait

"ok I'm back, if I try to read that again I think I may faint or something of the sorts, so just to answer all that I'll say no. Moving on, oh that does sound like a good bonding exercise! I'll inform her of it! Yes, my favorite part! HAHAHA, I DID GET IT!....Wait...WHAT DO YOU MEAN BOYFRI-"

//Zoe: BYE!

[our-aroace-experience]

Hi!

So i'm aroace - I've known this for years and I've known this since the end of yr 6/beginning of highscool/yr 7 and am quite open about it and most of my close friends know about how i am aroace.

Along with this I have never rlly been interested in romantic relationships - they never seemed all that interesting and even as a kid I could never be bothered to force myself into having crushes (smth ik that some other aro ppl tend to do) or ever thought of the idea of not having romance as being unappealing/sad. I've also never really had strong desires for sexual relationships - to me sex was smth that was overdramatised (like in p0rn, books or fanfiction), something that i was mildly curious about but would most likely never have due to not wanting to have to look for a sexual partner and sometimes feeling borderline freaked out at the thought of being with another person like that.

However I have been curious about QPRs before - until recentrly I didn't know too much about them though after I learnt more I thought that I would want to have one - though I've never really known who I would get into one with/how to ask someone to be in one with me.

Recently there is this girl who I am friends with who I think I would like to be in a QPR with - we've been friends since around 2022 and she's awesome! I rlly love spending time with her and all of that + I think that being in a QPR wouldn't change too much other then maybe one or two ways that we interact + having a label on it.

However she is allo and though ik that allo ppl can be in QPRs and also she isn't a huge romantic and has only had like, 1 crush a year ago, I also know that she probably doesn't know what a QPR means and I wouldn't want her to think that it would get in a huge way of if she even did want to have a romance ig?(I don't see this as likely bc to my knowledge she's had 1 crush throughout her entire life + moved on fast afterwards and hasn't rlly had another one but I don't rlly understand romance and ik that ppl can get crushes whenever and stuff).

I also happen to be a very nervous person - meaning that if I had to ask + tell her what a QPR is I would most likely chicken out or feel extremely anxious and not even finish or give her information that wasn't 100% correct.

Also she's smart enough to do her own research and stuff (which considering how bad i am at explaining things would be for the best) but she wouldn't do research if she didn't think it was all that relavant to her. By that I mean like - she knows what being aroace is, but she doesn't know a lot of in-depth stuff bc she just asked me some questions and to her knowing her friends feelings was enough. And I have very little idea of how to casually drop the words Queer Platonic Relationship so that she will just go and do some research for it.

Plus I wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable bc she could liken me asking to a confession even tho it's not rlly one + if we were to be in one we happen to go to a school that has both a younger and older sibling which could end up meaning that even if she understood they could end up thinking she's queer and idk how her family would take that/I wouldn't want her to get in trouble or anything.

i’m not sure if you want advice or just to vent, since you didn’t specify, so i’ll just say that if you wanted you can try mentioning qprs in a context not related to you and see what she says, and go from there. good luck!

[fer3112]

no please get mad at people for denying dnp romantic relationship bc it’s getting fucking weird and pissing me off

Rant under the cut because I'm still mad

It is getting very weird! People are always denying what queer people say, just look at what happened with Rosalia and Hunter Schafer (Hunter said they were in a relationship in the past and a lot of people called her a liar or straight up denied it) or with pop stars like Miley who have said they were queer and people just call them straight. And Just for an example of the opposite thing happening we have Jenna and Julien. Remember when they used to joke around every single video and call each other friend? I didn't see people denying their relationship just becaused they would call each other friends. There's a very real reason behind the historian jokes in the queer community.

And the thing with dnp is that frankly you just need eyes and ears to know that they are not platonic. They are constantly making horny jokes (bj joke on the golf video anyone?), they make it very clear that they are spending the rest of their lieves together, that they don't really spend a lot of time with other people, Dan called them soulmates, etc? And that is just in videos. You pay attention to other things like Dan's interviews ("basically yes"), Crornelia calling Dan an uncle, we know you know, and even the symbolism in dnpc and it just gets more obvious. At this point if you don't see it you just don't want to see it (or you are just lying and saying things like "whatever they are to each other teehee' to not get cancelled because you think it's still 2014). With all of those examples and just they way dnp acts generally tbh you have to twist things really hard to convince anyone that they are not in a romantic relationship or that they are ex boyfriends (lol) because Dan dared to say "it was more than just romantic" when talknig about 2009... was is the correct conjugation of the verb to talk about the past people! and narratively when you talk about the past you have to use past tense even if things are the same in the future! If someone asked me about my best friend I could say 'oh yeah we were best friends in high school we used to spend all time together' and that doesn't mean she's not my best friend to this day it just means I'm talking about the past. Anyway no matter what way you are looking at it, it just makes more sense to think that they are in a relationship that is clearly romantic and even more profound than that, but platonic? I just don't blieve it I'm sorry it makes no sense, I think that the person from the reddit post was just projecting a lot of things when they made that post going around earlier because we know dnp are very horny men and hopeless romantics who have stated that the universe would break in half if they separated. Open your eyes people!

And I don't want this to come off as dismissive of qprs because that's not my intention at all, I believe they exist and that friendships can be as fullfiling and deep as romantic ones, maybe even more (believe me, I know, my best friend has been the only constant and most reliable person in my life for the last ten years) but I just don't think that's the case with dnp at all.

Btw excuse any typos I was heated and thinking in spanish like i tend to do when I'm mad

[antimony-medusa]

*new yorker accent* hey what’re yous thoughts on uhhh them queer platonic romances? new york numbah one da big apple babey!!!

Oh I love QPRs, I love relationship anarchy. I love the diverse ways that people can define a relationship that works for them, with whatever they need in it, and it can have sex or no sex, kissing or no kissing, sleeping together or sleeping apart, raising children together, buying a house, marriage, pet names, holidays with family— any sort of thing we put into a relationship, and we can pull that apart and reassemble it in a way that works for us, and it can be romantic or not, or sexual or not, but boy howdy it sure is queer.

Okay I have been assuming that this is in a fandom writing context, but the above all applies to them in real life. In FANDOM—

Okay I may be on the outside with this, but I think a QPR can definitely come up to the line of being ship, depending on the QPR, so I don't necessarily agree with the way this fandom has fallen into QPR = not!shipping that's safe to publically do to cubitos whose creators don't want ship.

Cause like, we have clips from streamers saying they're not comfortable with ship, or not comfortable with things being "weird", but they usually don't specify beyond that. In a lot of cases, they haven't specified if there's a distinction between character shipping or IRL shipping, so like in no cases have they specified if the issue with shipping is sex (cause you can have an ace romantic marriage with no sex— does that count as "ship"?) or romance (cause by definition QPRs would not apply) or strong emotional dwelled on bonds that tie them to another player in a tight way (cause like, this is what a fair number of people writing QPRs fall into, cause from the outside if you're not aro some of the QPRs look pretty close to romantic relationship on the surface! I know it's not romance, and you know it's not romance, but is a streamer just scrolling twitter going to see that at a first glance if they come across a snippet of someone calling each other a life partner and going to bed together?) Cause like, trying to put myself in the shoes of the streamer, I could see the problem being sex (makes sense) OR romance (makes sense) or any really tight emotionally-dwelled on life-bond relationship (some of this I don't know if the streamers might still think it's weird to see done to their characters, even if it's technically by definition platonic). So some of this I still don't know if QPRs are something that every creator is going to feel comfortable seeing?

And I don't tend to love the implications of some of the stuff twitter does where it's like "oh, i can't ship, only QPR", like QPRs are automatically like santitized "safe" shipping, instead of their own category of thing that could mean almost anything. Like in real life if you know someone is in a QPR you know they're in a QPR, you still have no idea if that means they're married, or have sex, or make out on the regular, or call each other lovey dovey things, or sleep together, you just know they have a life bond. This fandom treats QPR like it's only one thing, and like it's a lesser, training wheels type of relationship, and that really grinds my gears.

So for me QPRs fall into a category where I'm like, awesome, pog to do, I know we love to take interactions between cubitos and expand them out and it makes perfect sense to take some of these in a QPR way. Go on with your bad self. But unless a creator has explicitly allowed it/canonized it, honestly I'd treat it the same way as I would some of the more hot-button trigger tagged fics (abuse, cannibalism, whump, mind control, addictions issues, torture) or like "instincts driven" family dynamic stuff or extremely aged down family dynamic stuff, where I'm like yes, technically this is fine, but let's just be safe and keep that where the streamer only finds it if they go looking for it. Please keep it out of TTS. This is something for the fandom, not for the streamers.

Just tag your shit and keep it away from the streamers and you're good.

[bloggingboutburgers]

I know you don't like shipping questions, which I think this ask counts as, but I hope that you'll make an exception

Arin and Danny from Game Grumps are both married to other women, so they are alloromantic without any doubt. However, there have been more than a couple times where they talked deeply about how much their friendship means to each other

How would you say this compares to queer platonic relationships? (Or at least, your own qpr)

Aaaahhhhh... Honestly, the hard line I draw on that kind of stuff is that people are whatever THEY describe themselves to be. I don't think anyone else has a say on defining anyone's relationship with anyone else (or their orientation, or their identity, or anything of the sort, within reason), much less myself. So it feels unsafe to me to make a comparison. They are whatever they say they are as long as they're vibing.

(On that note, friendships can be the deepest freaking thing there is to some people and if someone wants to call a deep-rooted, deeply meaningful relationship a friendship, then hell yeah, friendships rock. They don't need to be anything other than friendships to be the best thing ever tbh.)

[visgrapplinghooks]

friendlinghood: a proposal

skip to "terminology" if you don't want the long explanation

QPRs are really difficult to talk about because of the way the modern queer community has kinda framed it as like "dating but without romantic attraction"

when that's not entirely true

I mean, you COULD say that's a kind of QPR but it'd be a mistake to frame all of it that way. this is in large part to internet misinformation and shit as well as amatonormativity from which a lot of relationship discourse is framed against

queerplatonicism, from my pov refers to what is essentially the natural byproduct of queer and neurodivergent people having close friends

the queer community has been aware for a while that its members would have close friendships that in some way violated traditional social norms for behavior outside romantic relationships or family, etc.

when you sit outside the neurotypical and patriarchal norm, the conventional social understanding of what relationships are kinda breaks down for you

you display levels of closeness and intimacy and affection that are "inappropriate" for neurotypical and patriarchal society. in most cases they're not formal relationships, but natural evolutions of friendships between queer and neurodivergent folks

cishet people actually do have variants on this like the concept of "blood brothers" where two men who love each other basically make a pact to always have each other's backs and be their support and they do the whole movie thing where they mix blood to bind them together (it's a very cinematic thing, but the point is it exists in the popular consciousness)

"romance" and "friendship" each refer to a set of social norms and expectations. there's like a whole narrative constructed around those concepts and people internalize and have their own versions of them

a lot of people probably have friends they want to fuck or kiss or cuddle or declare their undying affection for but it'd just be "weird" within the social boundaries of acceptability and so people pigeonhole their relationships into either friend or romantic partner.

queerplatonicism (from my pov) is essentially accepting or practicing relationships which are neither platonic or romantic or even strictly familial. many queer people have them with other queer people they're close to. if you know queer folks then you probably know what I'm talking about - the friends they have that they're not dating but seem intensely attached and close to. they usually have weird names for each other that go beyond friendship like they'll jokingly call each other wives and husbands and siblings and partners... but it doesn't feel quite entirely joking. they'll express a lot of physical affection in the casual way you might typically ascribe to romantic partners. they'll prioritize time with those people as much as any romantic partner they may have etc.

straight and cis people and neurotypical people obviously experience them to some extent, it's just that patriarchy was built around cishet neurotypicals in particular, so it tends to cling to their mindsets more strongly, and once you're already outside of the "bounds of normalcy" by being queer, ND, etc. then it's a lot easier to feel like it's okay for you to be in relationships that aren't "normal".

because like the idea of loving someone with your entire fucking being... it's so tied up in these cultural ideas on how to behave about those feelings and it never made sense to me, because if you just let yourself feel those emotions you start to realize there are people in your life that maybe you love so much more than friends. but "more than friends" is so washed up in romance that you force those feelings down and think "this is fine, I'm happy with being just friends, what else can we be?"

maybe I don't want to have sex or hold hands on a ferris wheel or get. married or kiss or any of that. maybe I just want to exist in the same room as that person know that that person is in my life and know that person cares about me just as much as I do them.

terminology

I've started to use the term "friendling" in my day to day life, now. the term is a portmanteau of "friend" and "sibling" and "loveling" (the english cognate of the German word "lieblings" which can mean "favorite", but is also a term of endearment).

to me, it's probably the most accurate way to describe the Everything All At Once feelings that are simultaneously your weird friends that are your found family and also "romantic" but twisted beyond recognition where the term stops meaning anything.

I'm just throwing this word and explanation out there for anyone who feels like me and wants to use it too. not exclusive to queer people or neurodivergence or anything, I just think it's often easier to be cognisant of those feelings when you are queer and neurodivergent.

that being said, I do NOT want this to be folded into another "attraction label". this is, as far as I can tell, not a unique form of attraction but quite literally the opposite. it's an abstraction of the core impulses of attraction that ALL humans experience without the labels or social structures built around it. I do not want the language that I've spent so long trying to find for my experiences losing all of its value and being reapporpriated into the amatonormative, allonormative, and cisheteropatriarchal framework.

"friendlinghood" - is what I see as an attribute of relationships and the extent to which they deviate from socially conventional definitions of a relationship.

"friendlingship" - used grammatically like friendship. referring to any complex relationship acategorically.

"friendling" - used grammatically similar to friend. referring to those involved in any complex relationship acategorically.

all of this shit is nebulous and doesn't really mean anything beyond what meaning you choose to give it. I think any relationship can have some amount of friendlinghood and I don't think there's a clear line between friendlingship and friendship or romance or family, because it's not a type of relationship in the first place. it's just silly words I made that helped me.

language and labels

so the biggest problem with terminology like this is you can end up creating labels. my point was to create personal terms for myself and my relationships because that's what helped me personally process my own feelings.

that's not to say everyone needs or benefits from them. you can just vibe and do whatever you want and many people are happy with that.

I don't think words like this being codified and standardized really helps anyone. it's unavoidable that we as humans like articulating feelings, but the entire point of my interactions with friendlinghood is about certain things defying labels and language. language in this sense is just a tool, it's a hammer for a nail. it's not embodying the concept itself, it's just useful shorthand.

I will still freely refer to friendlings as close friends, best friends, found family, and other words. as long as I know the intention behind it is all that matters. I just needed that initial bit of language to articulate the feelings before the other words felt right to me.

[loveless-arobee]

On Queerplatonic Relationships and Amatonormativity

Or: some thoughts on QPRs and why I think that word should be taken away from some of you. Or: Why I can't with some parts of the online aromantic community. (Only some! Most of you are great.)

Disclaimer: If you use QPR to describe any of your relationships, this is not an attack on you, personally. I don't have anything against the concept of QPRs, nor against anyone who has this kind of relationship. If you are in a QPR or want one, all power to you!

These are also mostly just my rambly thoughts and not an insult or attack to anyone personally. It is, however, totally an attack on amatonormativity. But mostly just ranting. Have fun.

Great wall of text incoming. I have a lot of thoughts currently.

First, let's get our definition down: The "queer" in queerplatonic, or queer-platonic does not mean the same as "queer" for people in the LGBT+ community. It has the same root, the word for weird or outside of social norms, but it does not refer to the LGBT+ community. Another word for it is quasi-platonic, but queer-platonic is more widely known. As the root of the name implies, there is no real definition! Anything that is "weird for a platonic relationship", so to say, might be queerplatonic! Anything that falls outside the social norms for a friendship; which means what it means also changes based on the society around you! Yes, that can be a lot.

This means anyone can have a QPR; gay, straight, lesbian, bi, aro, allo, or ace. Anyone. An allo lesbian could be in a QPR with an allo gay man. Two straight guys could be in a QPR. A FWB-arrangement/sexual friendship could be called QPR. Hell, even a straight woman and a straight man can call their relationship a QPR.

Now that we know what a QPR is, I also want to make clear what QPRs are not!

QPRs are not deeper than "just" friendship. They are not somewhere between romantic relationships and friendship ( as in, "in the hierarchy of relationships", I'll get to that.) They are not "relationships, but for aros".

Now, the definition of amatonormativity for anyone who is new here: Amatonormativity is the assumption that all human beings pursue love or romance, especially by means of a monogamous long-term relationship; this is the shortest possible explanation, but it’ll be enough for now.

I want to start with the societal hierarchy of relationships. And that always starts with my hatred of the phrase "just friends"!

I absolutely hate this phrase. I despise it. In both directions: There is "People who are just friends wouldn't do that" (kiss or cuddle for example), or the opposite "They are just friends" (presumably because they don't do "that"). Or "they are more than friends".

Society has put relationships in a hierarchy: simplified, friends are at the bottom, family above them, and at the very top is the monogamous, romantic partner for whom you're supposed to put the first two behind. That is mostly known by people who started to look into amatonormativity.

Now, there are some people who think it is "dismanteling amatonormativity" to simply put another box into the pyramid, squish it in between friends and romantic partner, and label it "queerplatonic relationships", and that's it. They still say this type of relationship is "more than friendship".

But friends are not less than romantic or queerplatonic partners (or family, for that matter); and honestly whenever I hear the phrase "just friends", I assume the person who used it is just a horrible friend who does not at all care for their friends, and always puts them behind their romantic partner(s). Because this phrase does insinuate that friendship is worth less than other types of relationships.

To dismantle amatonormativity, we have to dismantle the idea that friends are "lesser than". And we have to dethrone romantic relationships. Not just add another layer to it.

But now, exept for the people who do what I stated above, what elso do queerplatonic relationships have to do with amatonormativity? Glad you asked!

I see a lot of aros taking the word "queerplatonic" and never deconstructing their own, internalized amatonormativity further. They'll say exactly the same things alloros say, just swaping (romantic) relationship/partner/lover for queerplatonic relationship/partner. I know people are in different stages of finding themselves and understanding amatonormativity, but it tires me out listening to them doing the exact same things that also harm them.

An example of this is aromantic people crying about how much they want a QPR, where to find a QPP, that they are so lonely and need a partner. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but do you not have any friends?

I know they do this because they want the closeness and love society has promised they'd find in a romantic relationship. But now that they've noticed they don't actually want this, they took the "next best thing" and ran with it.

But that is just amatonormativity. It should be questioned further. Why do you want a QPR so badly? Why is "just friends" not enough for you? What can you get out of a relationship that you couldn't also get from friends? What kind of assumptions are you making here?

Relationships, both queerplatonic and romantic, are not the be-all end-all of life. If you cannot be happy single, you will not be happy in a commited relationship of any kind. Sorry to say it so bluntly, but you really can't put your only source of happiness on one person. That is the whole essence of amatonormativity.

You know what the solution is? Find friends! Online or in real life, any maybe you'll find a QPR in there, too. You're not alone, and no matter what amatonormativity tells you, you don't need to be in a commited relationship of any kind to be deserving of whatever it is you want from a QPP! Be that love, intimacy, sex, commitment, a roommate, someone who'll raise a child with you or whatever. Because whatever you can get out of a romantic relationship or a queerplatonic relationship, you also can get out of friendship! Surprise! There are no borders between any of those. It's all just human connection, and whatever word you put on it, only the people inside the relationship can decide what their relationship entails, and what it doesn't!

Yes, that means two friends can totally raise a child together. They can even make that child together! There are no rules. Friends can marry, fuck, buy a house together, be committed to each other and share important life decisions. Romantic/queerplatonic partners could do any of those things, or nothing of it. All this is part of dismantling amatonormativity. Getting rid of all those borders and societal norms, stopping to police what people can or can’t do in what kind of relationships.

That was already a lot, but I'm not done yet.

Another thing I noticed in a-spec spaces is, well, the almost-forcing the QPR on other a-spec people. Not everyone wants a QPR, not every aromantic person is even partnering. I, for example, am completely non-partnering. This includes both romantic relationships and QPRs, and whatever other type of commited relationship you can think of. I only do friendship (and not even that really, but that's my extreme introversion, and has nothing to do with this text.)

There are more people like me out there. Acting like every aromantic person wants a QPR is actively erasing us from the aro-community, and in the end no different than alloros acting like every person should want a romantic relationship, and that aromantics are mentally ill for not wanting that. Y'all are doing the same thing just with different words.

It just feels very alienating, especially coming from my own community. Even more so when it’s happening in the same posts that also point out how bad amatonormativity is for everyone.

Idk, I just wish that would stop and people would just listen to more perspectives outside of their own.

Anyways, have a nice day. I’m done for now.

[justalittleratman]

I'll preface this by saying I don't know a lot about QPRs:

I thought that a QPR was a committed partnership with no sex or romance involved, but you're saying that allo ppl in a QPR can have romantic feelings for each other, just not exclusively? I'm not sure I understand that. Wouldn't a committed relationship between two allo people who feel romantic and sexual attraction to each other functionally be the same as a romantic relationship, but just labeled differently? What does "exclusively romantic" mean? I'm not sure that anyone in a healthy LTR would describe it that way. I certainly wouldn't. Romance is a part of my relationship with my gf sure, but it's not the only or even most important part. Our strong friendship is and has always been the foundation. Romantic feelings fade pretty quickly (I've heard about 1-2 yrs but im not sure how true that is), and sexual attraction fluctuates, so any kind of relationship that is built on that probably isn't going to last. I hope this doesn't come across as rude. I'm genuinely trying to understand. People are free to label their relationships however they want, but in the situation you're describing, it just seems like splitting hairs to me (a 30+ yr old allo lesbian with a lot of relationship experience).

long story short:

there are no "requirements" to fill for you to call your relationship with someone a QPR

the term is fluid, it inherently defies rigidity and is just used by people who feel their bond doesn't fit in the binary "platonic vs romantic" model

queerplatonic doesn't mean queer + platonic, it is not queer people who are in a platonic relationship, instead it "queerifies" what platonic means

basically the whole point is rejecting the divide between romantic partnership and "just" friends

in regards to dnp specifically, again i wasn't posting to speculate if they're in a QPR or not, but rather point out the fact that i found the lack of discussion around the possibility of a QPR interesting since we don't actually *know* how they define their relationship to eachother and the most we've ever gotten was Dan saying "we're best friends, arch enemies, husbands, business partners, partners in crime, soul mates, just mates, who the fuck knows?" , which (to me) gives off huge QPR vibes, so I don't understand why this option is not more talked about

this will be my last post about this because I feel I've said all I wanted about the subject

[speedywithadhd]

U interested in getting a partner..? Like QPR or romantic..?

If so do u have anyone in mind?

I have a partner? He's beautiful and my favorite person and bought me the best necklace ever? @whos-jamie ppl don't know about us :( I have to post more about loving you

(I assume PQR means platonic queer relationship)

[dove-da-birb]

The Arcana OC & You Get to Vote for What Love Interest They End Up With (and self-insert, cringe is dead let me be happy)

Link to picrew~

Before the plague

After the plague

Name; Dove (they're just me, but like +10 years)

Occupation; Magician, fortune teller, apothecary (present), plague doctor (past)

Favourite Meal; Pumpkin bread

Favourite Drink; Strawberry and maple water

Favourite Flower; Goldenrod

Birthday; June 30th

Age; 32 (because everyone in this game is between like their late twenties to late thirties/early forties, so this is a compromise)

Zodiac Sign; Cancer

MBTI; ENFJ (pre-plague) INFP (post-plague)

Gender; Non-binary (they/them)

Sexuality; AroAce (pre-plague), questioning and confused (post-plague)

Height; 166 cm (5'5")

Eye Colour; Grey (picrew didn't have it so I went with blue)

Hair Colour; Brown

~~~~~~

Current personality; aloof yet polite when getting to know people, introverted and gets drained quite quickly when in public, quiet and doesn't speak much unless prompted to do so. When you get to know them better they are more warm, but still quiet. Will scold people for pushing themselves too hard, but only does so because they care. Once they are extremely comfortable with someone, the old them shines through; loud, a chatterbox, goofy, warm, and full of life and love. To others this is endearing, but to Asra? He loves seeing it but it is also a reminder of the person he lost.

Appearance; of average height, but their build is quite stocky with both body fat and muscle. Their eyes are dark grey, but appear dark blue at a distance, they are also near-sighted (eyesight worsened post-plague). Their hair is brown, curly, and when down it reaches their collarbone (both pre and post-plague). It is less textured than it was pre-plague, and they also wear it in a bun at the nape of their neck. They have an assortment of beauty marks on their face, as well as a scar on their lip that they got in their childhood (had the same mishap when they came back, hence why they still have it). They typically wear a short-sleeved white button up, brown trousers, dark brown sandals, and a black apron. They wear a purple crystal necklace and it acts as a ward to keep memories from flooding back, as well to ward off spirits of the plague.

Other Info/Background

After being brought back, Asra tried his best to reteach them what he knew about them. He knew about the non-binary aspect of their identity, but not the aroace aspect. They were quiet about this part of their identity in the past, and now they are navigating trying to differentiate romantic and platonic feelings all over again. (would be open to a queer-platonic relationship or several)

Grew up on the coast of the Strait of Seals, close the the Southern Spines (tundra/saiga).

Eldest of three, and left home to bring in more income for their community. They don't do well in the heat, but they do not miss the winters of their homeland, or what they can remember of it; they sometimes get a flashback when they smell certain smells, or a cold breeze.

Crochets and knits items for the children who live at the docks, and that's how they met Asra and Muriel; they were teens when they met, but they still gifted both Asra and Muriel blankets so they could keep warm during the night. They had to relearn this skill after being brought back, and can't crochet or knit with as much skill as they once had.

Their familiar is a Danish landrace goose named Gunnr, she makes a great guard goose and chases off anybody that she decides that she doesn't like. "Why is your goose named Gunnr?" "It means war, and she seems to like to declare it. Isn't that right baby?" "HONK!"

Might add more info to this later, but here, pick a LI for them to be in a QPR;

And if there is a tie, polyam qpr cuz I got two hands.

Finally was inspired to revisit my self-insert thanks to @azulashengrottospiano

[a-rock-at-the-bottom-of-a-river]

I think one of the hardest things about having a qpr is what you tell people about it. I recently became official queer platonic partners with someone and we've agreed we will tell our close friends, and if strangers ask us if we're dating we'll just say yes because it's easier and I don't want to come out as aromantic to people I don't know well.

The really complicated thing is what we'll tell our families. My partner has their own situation so I'll just talk about mine. Right now my family knows we are best friends and a couple of them know that we were friends with benefits. I have three options. The first is the truth: I don't want to come out to my family as aro, I'm not ready yet. My sister has said before that she both doesn't believe that aromanticism is a thing and she doesn't think platonic partnerships work out long term, so it would be very difficult and I don't think I or our relationship will be accepted and understood.

The second is lying and saying that we are dating and in a romantic relationship. This would make both of us uncomfortable, and it would mean I would be completely lying about my identity and feelings. My sister has been questioning me a lot about my feelings towards my partner and insisting that we really feel romantically for each other, so if I lied and told her we were dating she'd be very smug and I would hate it. Just the thought of it is awful.

The third option is lying again and just continuing to say we are best friends with benefits. This feels wrong because I feel like it's downplaying how important my partner is to me and the kind of relationship we have. People are already suspicious, so I don't think that explanation would hold up for long and it's already hard to explain without outing myself. We are planning that my family will meet my partner in the summer, and we do behave like a couple so we would definitely be questioned if I go with this option.

I really don't know what to do, and when you consider my extended family it becomes even more complicated. Sometimes I remember those posts that made fun of qprs and said that "it's just best friends haha cringey ace aro people" and it makes me so mad. It's more than that, and I feel that this struggle proves that. It's giving me a lot of anxiety, if anyone has advice I would really really appreciate it.