#Steph is laughing obnoxiously

[glow-worms-are-believers]

Break a leg (dp x dc)

"So, the food here is pretty sweet," the girl sitting next to him starts.

Damian hums before remembering he's supposed to be gathering intel and that means he has to talk to people.

"There aren't a lot of vegetarian options," he manages with a tight smile, making sure to look like he is stressed over the audition.

"Oh yeah, that's true," the girl says and falls quiet for a moment.

Damian looks back down at the script he's reading, though he knows the lines by heart. And then the girl speaks up again.

"So how'd you get here?" she says as she swings her legs. "My name's Dani by the way, what's yours?"

Damian folds up the papers carefully. "I'm Stephan," he says. "My agent suggested I try out for a movie role." He offers the girl a convincing shy smile. "How about you?"

"Some guy came up to me and wanted me to audition for this. I thought he was a child trafficker so I followed him. Turns out he wasn't and now I'm here," the girl said before shrugging.

"Why did you follow a man who you thought was a child trafficker?"

"To beat him up," the girl answered.

"Oh." Damian is going to assume that's a joke, if only to preserve his last bit of faith in human intelligence. He's pretty sure every child knows to go away from criminals, not towards.

"Who are you auditioning for?" Dani asks.

"I'm trying for Lennox," Damian answers, shuffling his papers as if nervous.

"A lead," the girl exclaims before extending a fist. "Nice, dude. I believe in you." Damian internally sneers at the gesture but outwardly, he smiles sheepishly and knocks his knuckles against hers. "I'm going for Abigail," the girl continues. "If this goes well, we might end up working together soon, huh?"

"Hopefully," Damian answers with a smile.

Dani smiles back widely and is about to answer when a lady steps out into the room.

"Danielle Nightingale?"

The girl gets to her feet with a chirped "present!" The lady gestures to follow before walking back out. Dani looks over to Damian. "Wish me luck!" she says before twirling away without giving Damian the chance to actually answer.

Damian sits in silence as he looks back down at the script when his earpiece crackles to life.

"Wow, baby bat, that was downright sweet," Brown's whistle comes over the coms. "When's the wedding?"

"I will hurt you," Damian hisses back, hiding his mouth behind the papers.

"Just saying," she sing-songs. "You were awfully chummy out there."

"I was trying to follow your instructions," he bites out quietly. "Or would you have preferred I didn't?"

"No, no, I prefer my civilians un-stabbed," Spoiler answers lightly. "I just didn't know you had it in you."

"I was trained for infiltration," Damian points out. "I know how to lie."

"That is good news because we need you to get on that crew," Brown says. "Ready to blow their minds?"

Damian lets himself have a little smirk, hidden behind the script. "They won't know what hit them."

[maelstromdeparture]

there are two things i firmly believe are canon im the batfam

1 Stephanie Brown has a tiktok, loves tiktok, and probably runs the batfam tiktok

and 2 Stephanie Brown's most liked tiktok and the only one she had pinned is as follows

Steph clearly in Wayne Manor: ACAB

Tim on the couch not looking up from his phone but sounding offended: hey! my brother is a cop

Steph: oh! sorry. ACAB especially Tim's brother

*muffled laughter in the background shaky camera video cuts out *

[wileys-russo]

lessi blurb: lessi having a headache during/after a game - r being protective and looking after her/shushing people on the bus so she can sleep

headaches II a.russo

"are you alright?" you sat down beside your girlfriend at her cubby with a concerned look, the blonde not joining in with the celebrations despite having scored the match winner in their latest WSL win.

"i've got the worst headache." the taller girl admitted quietly, massaging her temples with a wince as you placed your hand on her knee. "did you drink much water today baby?" you asked softly, the guilty look sent your way being all the answer you needed.

"lessi-" you sighed, forever on the blondes back about her water consumption given her tendency to forgo it in favour of iced coffees, protein shakes or wellness shots. "i know, i know. i've already finished this since we came back to the change rooms." your girlfriend sighed holding up her empty bottle.

"i'll go refill it and grab you some hydralite and advil for on the bus." you kissed her cheek sweetly as the blonde nodded and squeezed your thigh in a silent thanks.

"WINNERS ONCE AGAIN BABYY!" you yourself winced at the loud outburst from the obnoxious irish woman who slung her arm over your shoulder before your hand quickly smacked over her mouth.

"inside voice mccabe." you patted her chest before yanking your hand away with a grimace, wiping her salvia onto her shirt. "katie!" you smacked her shoulder at the juvenile action as the older girl simply grinned before collapsing onto the bench beside caitlin to take her boots off.

"ONE MORE FOR THE BOOKS GIRLS! THREE POINTS THREE POINTS-" beth stood up and began to chant encouraging everyone to join in as your eyes flickered worriedly to your girlfriend who was once again massaging at her temples.

"meado!" you interrupted her chanting, hands coming down on her shoulders as she paused and raised an eyebrow. "shut up. please?" you smiled hopefully, the blonde only laughing and resuming her chants with a pump of her fists.

"beth! less has a headache, please lower the volume." you nudged her and spoke quietly, the older girl simply grinning in amusement. "ah young love! what a good little girlfriend, always looking out for your blondie aren't ya." the girl pinched sharply at your cheeks with a coo, jen quick to join in and ruffle your hair as you pushed them both away with a scowl.

"just shut up!"

~

on the bus things only seemed to worsen, the girls of course arguing over what movie was being put on to watch for the three hour ride back while beth and steph belted out strawberry kisses on the karaoke machine.

you'd sat with your girlfriend right toward the front of the bus in hopes it would put as much distance between you and your team mates as possible. lotte and viccy had both sat behind you though keeping quiet and content to nap weren't the ones attributing to your blonde lovers ongoing headache.

unfortunately an upgrade to the karaoke machine had meant it now went hands free, and beth was dancing her way down the aisle toward you belting out the chorus at the top of her lungs.

alessia's head dropping onto your shoulder with a pained sigh you frowned and kissed her forehead gently. "i'll be right back." you promised quietly, prying her off of you and slipping out of your seat.

"meado!" you started toward her with your fists balled, the blonde pointing toward you and shimmying, singing louder as a point to wind you up before sprinting back down the bus.

"I'VE BEEN MISSING YOUR STRAWBERRY KISSES!" you were almost toward the back when a pair of tanned arms wrapped around your waist, dragging you back. "steph!" you whined and struggled in her grip as she belted out her favourite song in your ear.

"SHUT UP!" you eventually snapped, snatching her mic and yanking her arms off of you before advancing toward beth and snatching hers, the bus falling silent. "some of us are tired and would like to be able to hear ourselves think over this tone deaf nonsense!" you huffed, making a point of taking the batteries out of the wireless mics and tossing them onto the lounge where manu and frida were playing cards.

the silence after your outburst was almost as deafeningly loud as the ruckus beforehand. that was until jen made a whipping noise and motion with her hand, beth loudly filling everyone in on the real reason you were so wound up about keeping the noise down.

"oh thats so thoughtful, why didn't you just tell us?" steph replied kindly and you looked to her grateful for the lack of teasing from at least one of your team mates.

the rest however ripped into you relentlessly as you flipped them off and headed back to the front of the bus, but with a few shoves and stern looks from kim they quietened down and you dropped into your seat.

though not before you sneakily snatched katie's noise cancelling headphones from her lap, shooting her an innocent smile as she tried to get up to take them off you but caitlin pulled her back down with a shake of her head.

"here lessi." you gently nudged the tired blonde whose head had slumped against the window, grateful for the cool glass resting against her throbbing forehead, holding out the headphones which she hung around her neck.

"medic said take two now and then if its still bad in two hours you can take another two with some food." you rummaged around in your backpack, pulling out the small satchel of advil and dropping two pills into the strikers outstretched palm.

"and finish this if you can, please." you requested softly, dumping a satchet of orange flavoured hydralite into the blondes water bottle, giving it a shake and tucking it back into her lap.

"thank you baby you're the best, i love you." the taller girl smiled tiredly, kissing your cheek appreciatively and slipping the headphones over her ears, head resting on your shoulder as she tucked herself as much into your side as she comfortably could.

turning around with the occasional protective glare toward one of your friends as they laughed too loudly or yelled a protest about an outcome of a game, they all rapidly got the hint you weren't to be messed with today and left you be.

and that was how the two of you sat together for the whole journey home, alessia falling asleep after half an episode of hijacked as you tucked her phone into her backpack and stretched your stiff neck.

it felt like you'd only just drifted off when the lights flicked on and you realised you were back at colney. glancing beside you toward alessia your face softened seeing her curled into herself now, cheek smushed against the glass window as she remained dead asleep.

"shut up cait!" you hissed a warning as your team began to file out, smacking the australians leg as she let out a loud belt of laughter right beside you, the girl holding up her hands and continuing on her way.

"oh look at the sleeping baby." beth cooed sarcastically before steph shoved her to keep walking and sent you a wink, gently nudging lotte who was also dead asleep behind you as the brunette blinked sleepily and rubbed her face, waking viccy beside her.

once the two of them had also tiredly dragged themselves off the bus you gently slipped katie's headphones off your girlfriend and shook her gently. "lessi baby, we're back." you murmured quietly, running a hand through her hair as she squinted and nodded.

pausing for a moment to check back in the taller girl sighed deeply and pulled herself to sit up, taking your outstretched hand as you helped her to her feet, carrying both of your backpacks.

you knew the girls headache hadn't eased when she wordlessly handed you the keys to her merc and dropped into the passenger seat, closing her eyes and folding her arms over her chest.

you joined her once you'd placed your bags in the back, settling into the drivers side with a small grin. the blonde beside you cracked one eye open as you started the engine, seeing the obvious joy plastered on your face at the rare thrill of being on the opposite side of where you normally sat.

"don't get used to it, passenger princess."

[hoseokhasmyheartxx]

hiiii steph!!! could i request 25 and 125 and jin? tysm!

Drunken Confessions | KSJ

*Pairing: best friend!Seokjin x gn!reader *Word Count: 1093 *Genre: friends-to-something, fluff, non-idol AU *Warnings: alcohol consumption and some crying are the only warnings i can think of, but regardless, my work is 18+ and MINORS DNI. *Summary: When you go to pick your best friend up from the bar, the last thing you're expecting is a drunken confession. *A/N: jfc i am so sorry this took so long! i have writer's hyperactivity and can barely focus on one fic at a time, let alone multiple. 🤣 i hope you enjoy this!

Prompt from this post!

Main Masterlist

Being woken up at 1:30 AM on a Thursday morning wasn’t exactly your idea of fun.

Being woken up at 1:30 AM on a Thursday morning to go pick up your drunk best friend? Even worse.

You sighed, hanging up the phone and dragging yourself out of bed. Silently cursing Jungkook for enabling him once again, you grabbed your keys and slipped on your shoes before heading out the door.

The drive to the bar was uneventful and quick. Pulling over to the side of the street and flipping on your hazard lights, you texted Jungkook to tell him to hurry up. Within minutes, you were greeted with the sight of him, Jin’s stumbling making you giggle as they reached your car.

“Sorry, dude. He insisted I call you instead of an Uber,” Jungkook huffed out, dumping Jin into the passenger seat of your car. “Good luck.”

You waved as Jungkook shut the car door, putting the car into drive again as you left the bar. Glancing over at Jin, you laughed as you saw him already passed out, head lolling to the side, mouth agape.

Shaking your head, you drove silently to Jin’s apartment complex. You pulled into his second parking space, turning to face him. Nudging him gently, you shook him awake.

“Hey, sleeping beauty. Get up. We’re here.”

Jin grumbled, struggling to get his seatbelt off. Letting out an exasperated sigh, you reached over to unclick it for him, then went one step farther and pulled the lever to open his car door for him as well. Turning the car off, you walked over to his side of the car and pulled the door open all the way. You watched as he stumbled his way out of your car, almost tripping over his own feet multiple times on the way to his front door. You followed him, wanting to make sure he got to bed without falling and cracking his head open on the tile floor.

He was so drunk that he could barely get his keys out of his pocket without dropping them. Rolling your eyes, you fished around in his back pocket for the keys and silently unlocked his front door. Letting yourself in, you stood to the side as Jin came in after you, kicking his shoes off to the side.

He was unusually quiet today. Even on his drunkest nights, Jin was typically the life of the party. Obnoxious laughter and loud, nonstop talking were his personality. He would never shut up about how much fun he was, or how handsome his face was. He had even drunkenly given himself the nickname WWH, “Worldwide Handsome.” But tonight, something was different.

Grabbing a bottle of water from his kitchen, and Advil from his bathroom, you followed him into his bedroom, where he was seated on the bed. Watching him struggle to unbutton his shirt was comical at first, but after multiple failed attempts, it became painful to watch.

“Here, let me help you,” you offered. Sitting down next to him, you reached over and began undoing the buttons of his shirt. Your fingers worked quickly, wanting to get home so you could get back to sleep. Finishing the buttons, you patted his chest and stood again, watching as he sat, still abnormally quiet.

You handed him the Advil and water, hoping he wouldn’t wake up hungover, even though he rightly deserved it at this point. You watched as he swallowed the pills, his throat bobbing as he drank his water. Sighing, he shakily placed the water bottle down on his nightstand before standing to take his pants off. You hurriedly turned around. The two of you were close, but not that close.

Hearing the mattress squeak, followed by the rustling of his comforter, you knew he was covered, so you turned around again. He just stared at you, not saying anything. Jin was tall, with broad shoulders that engulfed you every time he hugged you. But, seeing him huddled up in bed, his comforter pulled up to his chin, he looked so small. His eyes searched yours, a look on them you’d never seen before. Almost like.. sadness. Jin wasn’t one to ever show his emotions, so this threw you.

“Alright, bud. You good? If you are, I'm gonna go,” you said, heading toward the door behind you. You took a few steps before you heard your name called from behind you. You turned back, facing him again.

“It hurts.”

Scrunching your face up in confusion, you closed the distance between the two of you, kneeling on the floor next to his bed, your face level with his.

“Jinnie, what hurts? Are you okay?”

You watched as tears rolled down his cheeks. You cradled his face in your hand, swiping them away with your thumb.

He took a deep breath, calming himself before continuing.

“It hurts loving someone who doesn’t love you.”

You felt your hand drop from his face, your heart along with it. You weren’t positive that he was talking about you, but you had a feeling. Jin had been your best friend for two years, and you’d always hoped that maybe something could happen between you two. But it never had; he’d never given you the slightest hint that it could be possible.

“Who, Jinnie? What are you talking about?” 

He shifted onto his back, eyes never leaving yours.

“You, dumbass. I- I love you,” he slurred.

Your heart skipped a beat. Well, more like several beats. 

“Jin… you’re drunk,” you reasoned.

“You’re right, I am. But it’s the truth.”

Sighing, you stood, trying to get out of there before you did something stupid, like believe him.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Jin. Get some sleep,” you said, rushing out of his room, out the door to your car. You drove home, holding back tears the whole way.

You tossed and turned all night, unsure when you finally fell asleep. You woke up, feeling even more exhausted than you were before.

Checking your phone, you opened your texts, only to drop your phone directly onto your face upon reading the only message you had.

              8:47 AM Jinnie: I meant it. I’m in love with you.

You stared at the ceiling, eyes wide as you digested what you’d just read. Jin had drunkenly told you he was in love with you, which you didn’t believe. But now? He was telling you the same thing, completely sober, and you knew he wasn’t someone who would ever lie about something like this.

Now what? 

[meaninglessblah-writes]

⚰️🍆👂🍌

Your progress w nano is amazing great job!!!!

Thank you for the encouragement! 🥰

Steph's nails scratch his scalp, a light, tantalising sensation to distract Jason from the length filling his mouth. His lungs burn, his throat flexing around the silicone. He can feel the pressure building in his head, but it's not until Steph's hand clenches in his hair that Jason pulls off her strap.

He hacks up saliva, catching his breath as Steph pets his curls and adjusts her kneel on the bed. Jason's own hands are splayed on the sheets, bracketing her bare legs where she waits before him.

"You have no idea how hot you look with my dick down your throat," Steph says, and Jason's ears burn along with his cheeks. She has a horrifically precise way of drilling down to exactly what Jason wants to hear, wrapping it up in the dirtiest praise to have him burying his face in the nearest soft surface.

The silicone strap drags over his cheek when she shuffles forward, leaving a wet stripe of his own spit across his freckles. It's an obnoxious shade of purple, impossible to misconstrue as anything other than Steph's dildo, with a length that puts Jason's homegrown dick to shame.

Steph's hand slips from Jason's head to his shoulder, pushing him back until he slumps into the sheets on his back. He's mostly caught his breath now, the pressure fading from behind his eyes as she climbs over him.

The leather of her harness tickles when she shimmies up his chest. Jason folds his arms back over her thighs when she tucks them around his shoulders, fingers digging into the plush muscle there. Holding her close as Steph strokes a leisurely hand down her spit-slicked strap.

A droplet splatters onto his lower lip, and Jason dips his tongue out to catch it.

"Ready to go again?" she asks, guiding her dick to rest against the curve of Jason's mouth. He kisses her strap, smirking at the heat that pools in her blue eyes.

"I'll tap out when I'm at my limit," he promises, and taps her thigh twice to reassure her.

Steph rises up onto her knees, bowing over him so she can slot her dick into his mouth, pushing all the way to the back of his throat. There she waits, for Jason to adjust the angle of his head, drawing down a breath and squeezing his eyes shut as he swallows. She moves in unison with him, pressing past the initial resistance to fill him down to the brim. The harness smells of leather oil and grape lube when Jason presses his nose to it, eyes slitting open to admire the soft roll of her stomach, close enough to kiss.

Steph doesn't move inside him, letting Jason adjust to the pressure and pleasure. He'll move when he's ready, she knows, or not at all. She's perfectly content to wait him out, let Jason get lost in the sensation of being full.

He waits till he's all but gagging on the lack of air before he taps out on her butt. Steph pulls back immediately, slow and steady to spare his poor aching throat.

Jason pulls off with a lung-filling gasp, closing his eyes and tossing his head back to ward off the vertigo that spins the room around him.

Steph is already shuffling down his body, one palm planted on his diaphragm as she navigates down to the cradle of his thighs. "Doing alright there, champ?"

Jason spreads his legs open wider to accommodate her, pushing up to his elbows to watch when he's sure he's not going to pass out.

She takes her time getting into position, dragging the broad head of her cock up the cleft of his ass. Nudging against his sac and teasing the circle of his hole until Jason is bucking his hips impatiently.

Steph laughs, splaying her fingers over the seam of his hip and thigh, one purple-painted nail stroking the side of his cock as she lines up. "Y'know what I love most about doing this with you?"

"What's that?" Jason asks, and sucks in a sharp breath when she breaches him. She stops with just the tip inside him, massaging his hip while Jason keens and remembers to breathe. Remembers to relax, and then she slides in another inch.

His vocalisation this time is far more wanton, a moan rumbling up through his throat as he tosses his head back. He tucks his legs up, whining at the change in angle when Steph pushes in further.

Steph hums, her tone smug when she continues, "I love how loud you get for me."

Jason doesn't have time to feel self-conscious, when Steph is hooking one calf over her shoulder, nudging in close so she can control the angle of her thrust. The head of her silicone dick grinds against Jason's prostate as she bottoms out, and stars dance behind his eyelids.

His next cry is guttural and laced with pleasure. Steph plants both palms firmly on his hips, fingers wrapping around his flanks as she rises up into a higher kneel.

"Let's give the neighbours something to be jealous of," she suggests with a wicked smile, and slams home.

9,463 / 50,000

Help me reach my goal!

[haveihitanerve]

Sugar Daddy

“I thought you might like your own.” Bruce said uncomfortably from where he stood on Stephanie’s left in the bat cave. She stared opened mouthed at the new motorcycle that stood there, sleek and shiny and obnoxiously purple. “You seemed to really love Jason’s. I can return it of course, if you don’t-“ Stephanie cut off his rambling by slamming into him in a hug. Bruce started but after a second hugged her back. Stephanie pulled away, vibrating with excitement. “Oh my gods B. You’re like- actually my sugar daddy.” He pulled a face. “Without the sexual innuendo.” She added. Bruce let out a long, deep suffering sigh, but she noticed some of the tension had eased from his shoulders. “So… you like it?” Steph grinned. “Like it? I love it. And the color.” Bruce smirked. “I figured.” “Thanks for buying it for me daddy.” She batted her eyelashes at him. “I promise to repay you.” She winked. Bruce closed his eyes for a short second in regret. “Why did I ever decide having kids was a good idea?” He grumbled. Stephanie let out an over dramatic gasp. “Excuse me? Since when am I adopted?!?” Bruce raised an eyebrow, looking at her. “You mean you aren’t? You have your own room here and I have a headache induced by your presence.” Steph raised her eyebrow back. “You’re telling me that’s all the qualifications of being your child? Then half the justice league would live here.” Bruce chuckled, rolling his eyes. “That’s not all the qualifications. But it’s a big one.” He shifted uneasily. Steph smiled slightly. “Sorry daddio. But I’d rather not be adopted.” She waved her hand. “All that legal bizz and having to deal with horribly wealthy judgy people.” She shook her head. “No thanks.” Bruce’s smile seemed strained. “I could- unofficially adopt you.” He offered. “Only if you like.” He hastened to add. “It would just place me as your legal guardian. And we could do it quietly. No one would know besides us. And you wouldn’t have to attend galas or anything.” He cleared his throat. “Only if you like of course.” Steph gaped at him. “Oh. My. Gods. Bruce Wayne are you really adoption proposing to me right now???” Bruce smirked, some tension leaving him as she slipped back into their usual banter, and got on one knee, pulling a random ring from somewhere. “Will you, Stephanie Brown, accept my humble plea and officially become my daughter?” Despite the teasing tone and joking manner in which he said it, Steph still felt tears gathering in her eyes. “Yes.” She whispered. Bruce stood and slowly walked over, slipping the ring on her finger. “You’ve been claimed.” She couldn’t help but squeeze out, mimicking Bruce’s deep voice. He laughed, wrapping an arm around her in a half hug. “Welcome.” He murmured, pressing a kiss to her hair. “Officially,” he corrected. “To the family.” 

[funfunfuntillmydaddy]

What are friends for

‘OMG. Babe, I think Steph and Mike are having sex on our bed.’ The text message from Peter read.

My boyfriend is so sweet. Cutely naive about these kinds of things. I could just see how much his cheeks would be blushing at the thought of Mike and Steph hooking up on our bed. I wondered how shocked he would be if he knew what really was going on.

Peter and I had meet while interning together at one of the top firms here in the city. Both of us had moved into the big city from fly-over country after going to separate state universities. We had been going out almost two years now and had been living together for at least six months.

Mike went to the same university as Peter and moved out about the same time. They were friends and part of the same friend group through school but were very different. Peter being the sweet, intelligent, caring kind new age guy. Dressing well and getting on with everybody, but kinda, well, vanilla.

Mike on the other hand was your stereotypical loudmouth jock who drunk too much and had a lot of fun saying obnoxious things.

So, the difference between them always caused a bit of tension whenever Mike and Peter would hang out and I knew Peter would worry that Mike would say or do something that would offend me or any other girls. And Mike did plenty to take offense at. Blatant flirting. Sexist comments. Telling us which girls he knows he thinks are the hottest or could fuck the best, TMI on his sexual conquests. The extra hugs and touches. It was just constant

The only thing is, well, there was something about how Mike did it that made it less obnoxious and boorish and more fun and intriguing. Sure, I complained to Peter about his behavior and how he had offended my friends at the bar. But that was only half true. We were actually laughing along and even flirting back.

Like Peter and Mike, Steph and I also went to university together and had moved out to the big city. But unlike Peter and Mike, Steph and I were very similar. We had a lot of shared interests. Studied the same things, worked in the same profession. Liked to drink and have fun. And liked having fun with guys particularly.

Peter thought that Steph was the wilder one and I played an important calming influence on her, especially when it came to partying and to guys. But, well, that’s just Peter being adorably naïve again.

‘How far away are you?’ the next text message from my boyfriend read, ‘Andrew said you and Patrick went to find an all-night liquor store to restock. Oh Andrew, I thought to myself. He was one of the coolest guys I knew and the perfect wingman for Mike, and maybe me.

It was a fair assumption of Peter’s to think that Mike and Steph would be fucking. While both of them have other partners, they had been really getting into each other since everyone arrived at our apartment for our Saturday night drinks. Steph and Mike just picking up from when they left off at one of the clubs, we were at two weeks ago, before they were interrupted by their respective partners joining us.

Tonight, there was no such worry. Mike’s girlfriend was visiting family while Steph’s boyfriend was on a two weeklong work assignment interstate. The only other people joining us for drinks was Andrew, a long-time mutual friend of ours, and Patrick who was a work colleague. Both being good at discretion and, even better, good at encouraging Peter to keep going with the shots.

Steph then pulled the phone back and started typing on it. I was a little surprised to see the message from him. When I saw him last about thirty minutes ago, he was completely out to it laying on the couch. Thanks in no small part to all the drinks Mike, Andrew and Patrick had been plying him with all night.

And it’s not exactly like I intended this to happen. Sometimes things, well, just escalate, dramatically. Especially after the three boys all challenged Peter to race to the bottom of an expensive bottle of Mezcal.

Not surprisingly with Peter’s more delicate constitution, he ended up blacking out close to the bottom of the bottle and five of us remained as we kept the fun going. Then Patrick decided it was probably the right time to head back to the apartment he shared with his fiancée, a little disappointing but forgivable.

 With only the four of us then present in mind and body, Mike started dancing with me as much as with Steph. Of course, I didn’t do much to discourage him. It’s not my style. And it wasn’t the first time he had got flirty with me.

Soon Steph had her dress hiked up over her hips as she showed off her pink thong too us all. Mike had his hands all over her as she grinded her ass on his crotch. Andrew just kept his drink in his hand and kept his cool chaperone vibe going as the slight smile on his face showed he knew exactly where this was going, and he had no objections. Like I said, the perfect wingman.

As Mike and Steph got more into the dancing and the touching, I could tell they needed some release. Steph kept eyeing the bedroom door. I gave her a nod. It was nothing I was going to get particularly offended by, two people fucking on my bed. The situation had been in reverse enough.

So that would just leave me and Andrew to chill out while Mike and Steph had their fun and my boyfriend remained comatose. Then I would just hang out with Andrew while we kept an eye on my comatose boyfriend. Not the most fun to be had but I knew Andrew was not the type to try a move and, despite what a couple of my exes have screamed at me, I don’t need to fuck every guy I’m in a room with.

But just as I was ushering Mike and Steph off for their fun in the bedroom, they both grabbed each of my arms and pulled me along with them. I looked over my shoulder at Peter, who was still out to it, and at Andrew who lifted up his glass as a cheers and told us to have fun and he would keep an eye on Peter.

“Fucking Mike would be fun. But you fucking Mike while Peter is sound asleep out there would be fucking amazing.” Steph said as we crossed the threshold into the bedroom. Nothing in my body or mind was disagreeing with her.

I felt Mike push up from behind me and get his hands all over my tits. He leaned down and kissed and bit my neck. Steph had somehow managed to get the straps of her dress down as now had her dress bunched around her waist. Mike eagerly reached over to squeeze one of her full but still perky tits.

I was moaning softly as I felt my body ache in anticipation. Mike’s hand went to the top of my jeans, and he unbuckled them with the deft touches of a guy who has done this before, a lot.

He had my jeans loose and yanked them down over my ass and mid-way down my thighs. Leaving only my delicate lace thong in the way of his ultimate goal, I could sense his urgency and his strength. It just made me moan more.

The risk of the situation meant we didn’t have time for all the formalities of fucking. Apparently, there wasn’t even enough time for me to take my underwear off properly. Mike got his hand around the waist band of my thong and quickly yanked it to the side, easily snapping the delicate fabric. Every part of me melted just a little more as he threw my thong over the side of the room. He then pushed me on to the bed.

Steph was already kneeling on the bed. Her legs spread out and her fingers rubbing her pussy lips as she watched us.

With my jeans around my thighs, I had limited mobility, but Mike took care of that by lifting me over towards the top of the bed and putting me on all fours. Very quickly he had managed to get his own jeans off and had his cock rubbing against my dripping entrance.

“You want me to wear something?” Mike said as he paused his progress.

I knew we should. Peter and I always did but it was kinda a mood killer. But then Steph fished around in the bedside table and threw a condom over.

Mike took the wrapper and struggled for a while with getting it on.  “Oh shit, That’s a tight fit.” Steph said laughing as she knelt next to Mike, still working her pussy with her hand.

Mike started picking up the pace. As he railed me harder, I was banging into the headboard as it in turn banged into the wall. My moaning was getting louder along with Mike’s grunting. The noise I was making was very different to when Peter and I had sex, so I felt no real need to disguise or mute my pleasure. In hindsight, this was probably what woke Peter up. After a fair few more poundings against the wall, Steph alerted me to the first message on my phone.

Steph, being the professional she is typed up a response. ‘Oh, I’m not surprised. Steph is such a slut. Cheating on her boyfriend, what a slut. I’ll be home soon, babe. We just finished picking up some more drinks.’ Steph typed out and showed me before sending it from my phone back to Peter.

Then I felt something kinda different.

“Oh shit, the condom broke.” Steph called out which led to Mike stopping.

“Fuck. Don’t worry just keep going.” I pleaded as my pussy demanded more cock. Only for a moment did I wonder if Peter would have noticed the different voices and recognized mine. But as Mike’s cock went all the way back in, and his rhythm returned, I didn’t give it a second thought.

“Hope you two are being safe in there.” Andrew called out from the living room with a laugh. I even heard faint laughter from Peter as well which almost caused Steph to lose it.

“Fuck yes slut. I’m gonna fuck you so hard. Fill you full of cum.” Mike said as he recommenced fucking me and quickly got back up to pace.

Our apartment was not designed for carrying on illicit affairs in one room while the oblivious partner remained unaware in the living area. But Steph seemed to take it as a fun challenge to make sure Mike and I had fun, and Peter didn’t find out there were three of us in the bedroom.

We heard Andrew offering Peter another drink. Did I mention how good a wingman he was?

“Is my cock bigger than your boyfriend’s?” Mike growled. I just moaned out a breathless yes. “Do I fuck you better than your boyfriend?” Mike asked and I just repeated my response, but louder.

Steph showed my phone again with Peter’s latest text. ‘OMG. I think they are gonna put a hole in our wall.’ I just moaned harder right as Mike slammed into me and then I slammed again into the headboard,

“I want you to ride my big cock on this bed.” Mike demanded. I just moaned my anonymous agreement. He pulled off his jeans and shirt while I extricated myself from my garments and climbed on top of him, positioning his cock back at my wet lips. I sunk down on him as a guttural moan left me. The change in position gave my insides all sorts of new sensations.

I quickly picked up the pace. The wall was getting a break, but our mattress springs and the bed legs were starting to get punished. As I bounced up higher and slammed down harder, the bed groaned and creaked.

Steph again got my attention with an update on the conversation between me and you. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll make sure Mike pays for any damage he does.’ My phone had messaged back with an unnecessary winking emoji.

‘Now it sounds like they are breaking our bed. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to sleep in it tonight. Maybe you should message Steph and tell them to take it easy.’ Peter responded.

I had no intention of telling Mike to take it easy. As he rammed his hips up to meet my thrust down, his cock went so deep and filled me up so much I could feel my body getting ready to let go.

‘Don’t worry babe. They will probably stop soon. Mike probably can’t last that long. Anyway, I’m coming soon.’ Steph wrote on my behalf and showed me. I smiled at her and nod in confirmation that she is correct. I was about to cum. Steph leans in, and we kiss as I slow down a little on Mike. My tongue dances with Steph’s as our sloppy kissing sounds drown out the fucking briefly.

Then I pull away and look down at Mike with an evil grin meeting his delirious expression.

I leaned down and kiss him. Moaning more. Then I lean over and whisper into his ear. “Are you gonna fill me full of cum while my boyfriend waits outside and listens?” I tease. “You know he’s probably getting excited by hearing a guy fuck a girl properly. Thinking he will get to try and do the same to me later.” I say wickedly.

Then it was Mike’s turn to groan in agreement before grabbing on to my hips and lifting me off. He spun me onto my back as he hooked his arms under my legs. I ended up with my legs over his shoulders as he pinned me down and then drove his cock deep into me. His pace picked back up quickly, and the bed started complaining again from the hard punishment.

But my body was doing everything but complaining. I moaned out loudly as the intense feeling was starting to build all through my body.

“Aaaaahhhhrg.” Mike groaned. “Fuck yes. I’m gonna fill you with my cum, slut.” He growled out loudly. “I’m gonna fill you up with more cum than your boyfriend could ever give you. You want it don’t you, slut? You want my thick cum.”

“Mmmmmm. Fuck yes. Oh fuck. Cum inside me.” I cried out in a breathless and feverish tone. I tone and language I had never uttered to my boyfriend. I assumed that would be enough to protect the true identity of the girl who was about to get filled with Mike’s delicious cum. But in truth, at the moment, I didn’t really care. Peter could have burst through the door and I would have let Mike finish.

Steph moaned out. Her hand rubbing her clit feverishly as she also seemed close to finishing.

“Oh, fuck yes.  Fuck, I’m cumming.” I cried out right as I felt Mike’s cock swell inside me and then pushed even deeper inside me as he held it there.

I deep animalistic roar came from Mike as he shot blast after blast of cum into me. He tried to push that little bit deeper as I felt his cock unload the last of what must have been close to a dozen shots into me. 

“So, what do we do now.” Mike asked quietly as we all slowly got our breath back.

“Oh, don’t even worry.” Steph replied.

‘Babe. Can you come down and get me. I left my keys behind, and the intercom isn’t working again.’ Steph messaged Peter for me.

A few moments later, we heard the front door open and close. Mike, Steph and I all got our outfits back together and looked presentable. Except, I wasn’t wearing any underwear. I looked at my ripped thong on the floor but just shrugged and left it there. It died for a good cause.

“Oh shit” I said suddenly. “Peter is expecting me to be downstairs.”

“Jesus Cara.” Steph said. “Is this like your first time or something.” She teased as she held up my phone. ‘Sorry babe, one of the neighbors let me in the other entrance, I came up the back lift. I’m back inside.’ My text to Peter read.

By the time Peter returned, Steph and I were in the kitchen while Mike and Andrew were over the other side of the high kitchen counter. Mike and Andrew gave him a cheers as he came in and stood next to them.

The awkwardness of the scene was downplayed almost unconsciously and there was little to hint at the debauchery that had recently taken place. Well one of the few hints was Steph with her hands down my unbuckled jeans and gently fingering my pussy as Mike’s cum fan out. Fortunately, the kitchen counter was high enough to keep that little detail hidden.

With Peter seemingly wide awake now, the fun seemed over, and Mike, Steph and Andrew all made tracks, getting all in one uber apparently, which was curious since Mike and Steph lived in opposite directions.

With our visitors departed, Peter and I decided it was bedtime. As him and I got into the bedroom the smell of sex and the sight of the punished bed hit us both. I gave him a sneaky glance to see what his reaction was, but I was also too tired to care.

I brushed my teeth in the ensuite and then quickly put on some pajamas, hoping he didn’t see my lack of underwear which would have been suspicious.

I was lying on the roughed-up bed almost out to sleep when Peter finished in the bathroom and got into bed.

“Oh my god, babe. Steph left her thong in our room. Jesus Christ.” Peter said with built-up anger and disgust to which I could barely moan out a supportive groan of faux frustration and disgust. “Oh, and she has the same kind of panties as you hun.” My only response was to sleep.

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

Chapter 21 of Chained: To Wield The Blade We Have Forged

A/N: This chapter is stephcass focused enough that I think people might enjoy this as a standalone thing, so I'll be posting the chapter both on AO3 as usual, and right here in this post! This also connects to the reblog I wrote up the other night gushing about Batgirl (2000) #19 and the potential in a Cass vs Jason confrontation!

For this chapter only, NOT the whole fic: Rated T for Teen Ships are Stephanie Brown/Cassandra Cain and vaguely hinted at Jason Todd/Tim Drake There's gonna be a LOT of plot points that don't seem to go anywhere, cause they're parts of much bigger arcs, but there's some really sweet talk about deep stuff towards the end and the start is Steph handling a deescalation scenario Hope you enjoy ^w^ !

Dear War Diary,

You know, some days I don't even think Ivy should be in Arkham. Logging, pollution, hair spray tearing a hole in the ozone layer, pesticides - if I could feel plants' pain as they were broken apart, I'd want to feed people to ambulatory venus fly traps too. Heck, back in high school I was sure tempted to let her have at some of my more obnoxious classmates.

Unfortunately, today was not one of those days.

We knew something was weird this time around when the docs at Arkham called warning us that she woke up screaming and her powers went out of control. Usually when this sort of thing happens she goes towards a clear goal. Like, there'll be a construction site or a factory or something damaging the land and drawing her out.

Thing is though, the more we chased her, the clearer it became that she wasn't running towards anything.

She was fleeing, and seemingly had no clear place to bolt to. First she fled to the meat packing district. Then she ran down to the water, and like, we expected her to follow the coast? But she just swam right in! Left huge algal blooms in her wake too; like the lacy train of a queen's dress. She even left Gotham altogether for a hot minute only to turn back again for no reason. She was very obviously out of her mind frightened of something, but we had no idea what it was, and frankly, we still don't.

Tonight had real big 'predator running from the wildfire' energy, is what I'm saying.

It took several days, but eventually she gave up on running and bunkered down in one of the parks. The concrete storage shed she picked as her new home was so overgrown by the time we got to it that it was impossible to see a single square inch of the structure. The hardwood and thorn vines covering it had to have been at least a meter thick.

And that little backstory finally brings us to tonight's patrol.

I tapped my earpiece, "We getting anything on the seismic, O?"

"Nope. If she's digging she's doing it slow enough we're not gonna get any warning. Good news though, I finally got an answer back from Waller. Harley Quinn can be on the line within ten minutes notice."

"Awesome. Speedy, you good to cover me?"

"Yup! Got a whole quiver full of tranquilizers and frog crotch arrows ready for her."

I snort-laughed, "God, what a name!"

"I know right?! But yeah, you're good to go. I'll be aiming from the East, so gimmie a sign if you think you'll need me at a different angle."

"Got it. Alright O, give that ten minute notice and I'll start the approach."

Step one: Get the cops to back up the perimeter by at least ten feet all around. Frankly they were gonna be useless in a fight if it came to that, and the whole goal here was to get this done without bloodshed.

This part was pretty damn easy. I knew one of the cops there by name and she was more than happy to back her fellow officers out of the negotiation zone.

Step two: Establish a desire for peaceful communication.

I spoke through a megaphone into the general direction of the tree-bunker, "Doctor Isley? Would you be willing to come out and talk?"

The woods creaked and groaned, shifting minutely. My heart pounded in my chest, waiting, watching, every leaf bud an acid spitting behemoth in the making.

Nothing came out.

I called out to her again, "Okay. Doctor Isley, you seem really upset, and we don't understand why, but you haven't hurt anyone yet so we're not going to hurt you."

I glanced around surreptitiously at the cops. Lucky for me they all seem to be on their best behavior tonight. No one was grumbling about wanting to hurt her loud enough for me to hear, and I just had to trust that meant the grass couldn't hear them either.

"If you don't want to talk to me, that's okay. We want to get you some help, so we're going to try and get Harley on the phone so you can talk to her."

Against my ear, the phone crackled to life.

Time for step three: Get negotiation partner on board.

"Which bat-brat do I have the displeasure of speakin to today!?"

"It's Batgirl; we need your help getting through to Ivy."

"HAH! Well fat fuckin chance, asshole! I ain't talkin her inta anythin she don't wanna do!"

"And we're not asking you to! She hasn't even hurt anybody, and she's not making any threats, but she is clearly terrified. We think there's something or someone after her, and it's not us."

I gave her a moment to think it over. She's got to know we wouldn't let Ivy die, but there's always the chance we're just lying.

"Fine. Alright, what's the plan here?"

"Thank you! I'm gonna hold the speaker up to the megaphone, and you let her know you want to talk, then I'll slowly approach and once in speaking range I'll take the megaphone off of the phone to give the two of you some privacy."

"An you'll still be listinen the whole damn time of course."

"Yeah, sorry about that, but at least the cops won't be."

Harley sighs, "Turn the lights down in the house and start the music then. Lets get this show rollin an' over with."

Step four: Negotiate and deescalate.

Through the phone megaphone combo she said, "Hey Sweetpea, mind lettin me hear yer pretty voice again?"

The protective wall started growing again, getting thicker. I chance a few slow steps forwards anyway, since nothing offensive starts growing either. Or at least I hoped there wasn't something offensive in there.

"I've missed ya. Not the same kickin ass with these bozos in here, ya'know?"

As I got closer, the smell of ozone got stronger, breathing started to feel weird, and every drop of sweat evaporated off of me, leaving me parched. Her hypergrowth vegetation was stripping the carbon dioxide and water out of the air so fast that the atmosphere around it was going haywire.

Just as I thought she was waiting for me to get close enough for her tree's roots to just use me as a nutrient bag, an opening formed over the doorway to the storage unit, and she shakily poked her head out, calling for Harleen.

She was messed up. She clearly hadn't been able to take care of herself and

I'm not writing the next part down verbatim. Just seems too... invasive. They said a lot of sweet an

I don't feel great about this, but just in case I need it, I am going to record what I remember of how Harley talked her down.

Harley said, "Pumpkin, I'm so sorr

Okay. Third time's the charm?

This was not a criminal wrecking havok for profit. This was not a terrorist making demands. This was someone having a breakdown due to forces outside her control and her girlfriend comforting her as best she could. I shouldn't even have been hearing it, really, so yeah I think I'd feel too skeezy to keep dinner down if I wrote it all out 'just in case'.

Informationally speaking, hopefully the only part of their conversation I'll ever need to know again is that Ivy said "The green is dying" and "She's made the world barren; the flowers will never bloom again" and basically made it really clear that the damage was already done and no one was after her.

If you're reading this Future Me and you desperately need to know exactly what happened, sorry not sorry, get a time machine or something.

Anyways, after it became clear that there was nothing we could do for her other than get her back to mental help, I gave Speedy the signal to take the shot. The tranqs hit her before she realized anything was up, and there were only a few seconds of scuffle, then she was down for the count.

I picked up the phone again to cut the line and Harley said, "So that's it, huh? I talk her into openin' the treeline, you drug her up, and that's curtains?"

"There clearly wasn't anything else we could do for-"

"Fuck off you insufferable, controlling, shitty, furry knock off cops! I shoulda told her ta mulch ya!"

There were the muffled sounds of the phone being taken out of her hand, and then a voice I didn't recognize, "Well, I hope that clown to plant heart to heart was worth the favor."

"Zero injuries, zero deaths, zero horrifying poison scares: I'd say it was."

She, whoever she was (I assume it was Waller) chuckled, "Well you aren't the one picking up the tab. Tell Oracle it was a pleasure doing business again."

The line went dead.

"You get that O?"

"Loud and clear. And hey, don't let what Quinn said get to you. You did great."

"Thanks," I kinda didn't feel it, but the sentiment was nice.

The rest of patrol was a long and boring ride on the top of a police van, making sure that no one ambushed her on her way back to Arkham, and then a short conversation about what they're going to do to keep her there this time.

They've had a couple different ways to cut her off from whatever The Green is for a while now. Every method has nasty side effects, and half her breakout attempts were in direct opposition to using them. At this point their policy is to just help her manage being connected. Considering what I saw that connection putting her through tonight? The docs rubber stamped cutting her off from The Green again, at least temporarily, and I'm pretty okay that.

So yeah. We won. Yippee. And all it took was arm twisting a woman held prisoner by a shadowy government agency in order to trick the love of her life into making herself vulnerable to us...

God this job sucks sometimes.

And the suck was not over yet, not by a long shot! And the suck was not only reserved for me either. Uh, okay obviously since Harley and Ivy, but also!

Oracle called to tell me this: "I need to give you a heads up before you return to base, and Speedy needs some time to handle a private phone call so I'm telling you this now. Black Bat got into a fight that upset her pretty bad. She's been on the training sims and dummies for over three hours, and I'm kinda worried she's not gonna sleep unless someone helps her untangle her head."

"I thought everything went smooth on her end, what the heck happened?"

"Easier if I just show you," Oracle said and fed a video taken by one of the Bat-House's internal cameras into my HUD.

It showed Ca (gah trying not to write anyone's names is a mess) Black Bat in civilian clothes, standing in a doorway. She's staring at the Red Hood from across the room with an expression of frustrated determination.

He ignores her for a while, continuing to read, curled up on the couch in a posture so terrible I have to wonder if he's trying to give himself back problems.

She just... kept staring. And staring.

Finally he asked, sounding very snarky and annoyed, "Can I help you?"

"Why did you pull the trigger again? You were better. You did better for so long. Why?"

"I don't owe you that shit," He narrowed his eyes at her, "And you don't get to decide I was better just cause you liked it more when I was docile."

She marches over to him, "I know how it hurts. I see it hurt you! I want to help. I want to know why."

"No," He said, standing up to loom over her, as though she couldn't kick his ass five ways from Sunday with a hand tied behind her back, "You want me to get on my knees and sob and beg for forgiveness. As though any of you shitheads ever even deserved my forgiveness!"

"No! I want to see you get better! I wanted another little brother!"

"Well congratu-fucking-lations, you got one! Don't worry, Dickie hates it just as much. I'm sure he can give you some pointers on how to go fuck yourself about it."

My jaw started hurting from how tight I had my teeth clenched as I watched her face twist in open rage-hurt-sorrow, "Why won't you stop burning our house down!? You're in it!"

"I. Don't. Owe. You. That."

She glared up at him defiantly, "You owe someone."

"No. I don't."

"Sheezus!" Black Canary said as she entered the room, "I leave you alone for five minutes and you're already picking a fight with her? Seriously?"

Black Bat's anger simmered below the boiling point again, "Not a fight."

"That sure looked like-"

"Not a fight." She declared bitterly, storming out of the room.

BC raised an eyebrow at Hood.

He smiled all teeth and irritation, "Not a fight!"

She rolled her eyes and took her post back up as the video ended.

I sighed, "Well. That'd do it. Thanks for the warning, I'll see if I can talk to her, take her mind off it."

"Appreciated. I tried but... I dunno. You'll probably have more luck."

"We'll see I guess! So, am I good to check in with Speedy, or is she still on her phone call?"

"You're good."

When I grappled up to the roof she was on, Speedy looked pretty damn unhappy. So, like, clearly tonight was sucking complete ass for everyone. Mercury in retrograde or some shit, idk.

"You got news I take it?" I asked.

"Mhm, great news! By which I mean totally shit news. Apparently the lab I get my bloodwork done at broke, as in everything is giving false negatives. So yeah, all my bloodwork for the past who knows how long might have been wrong!"

"Oh shit. You want us to test you in the Batcave? Guarantee the lab down there could handle whatever you need!"

"I appreciate the offer, but I'll need to fast for twelve hours beforehand no matter what, so it wouldn't really be any quicker. Also my civilian GP would be pretty leery of a Bat-Diagnostic, especially since they already got me an appointment with the closest available people."

O cut in over comms, "That is suspiciously fast..."

Speedy shrugged, "I've got a feeling Green Arrow might have pushed me up the list somehow. He might not be (secret identity stuff I can't write down here :P ) anymore, but he's still got some pull."

"Hmm, well, both of you get back to base and we can figure out the logistics once you're here."

"Roger."

"Aye Aye Captain."

Once she cut off I offered, "Grapple line tag on the way there to take your mind off it?"

"You know what? I could use something to stretch my legs out after all that sniper crouching. Fuck it, let's do this."

Swingy swingy swingy over the buildings, across the bridge, to grandmother's imposing, minefield-surrounded cave we went!

We got into the cave, changed out of our gear, and sure enough, Black Bat was still in the training section, running herself ragged. Speedy went up to get some sleep since she couldn't eat dinner now anyways (do NOT envy that). So I went straight into an attempt to pry Black Bat off the training mats.

"Heads up!" I called out and tossed a bottle of water at her head.

She caught it without even looking, swapping to kicks and using her other hand to demolish her sandbag opponents, "Been drinking enough just fine."

"Sure. What'll it take to convince you to take a break and drink it with me anyways?"

She paused, leg still raised to kick, perfectly poised like gravity wasn't even a factor. It always makes my legs hurt looking her like that. Makes the rest of me swoon too.

"Would um..." She frowned, like she expected me to think less of her for making the request, "You bring dinner down here? For us both?"

I gave her a smile, "Yeah, of course. Mind saying how come?"

"Because Hood's up there and I want to fight him more. If I fight him, have to look at him. Have to watch him feeling and thinking and..." She finally put her leg down, and fidgeted with the cap of her water, "And I just don't want to."

"Didn't realize you hated him that bad."

"Not sure I do? Messy."

"Yeah, messy for me too."

Translation: I still don't know how to feel about him taking grisly revenge against Black Mask 'in my honor'. Still also super don't know how to feel about his welcome home gifts of a gun and an offer to come murder criminals with him.

Then I add, "But I'll have you know I'm a first class mess messer with-er! So if you want to talk about it, I'd be happy to."

She very briefly smiled, then her face feel again and somber moment passed before she said quietly, "Yeah, okay. Bring food down and... we can talk."

"On it."

"Um, wait!"

"Huh?"

She caught my arm and reeled me in for a kiss on the cheek, "There."

I laughed and gave her a proper kiss, "There! Love you."

Diary, have I ever told you about how she looks when she blushes? Because I seriously think I'll need to pull out the old poetry textbooks in order to do it justice.

Upstairs took me passed the dining room, where Red Hood and Red Robin were talking.

"The fuck is that?" Hood asked, leaning over his shoulder.

"Blueprints. I'm having a section of my house renovated while I'm stuck here."

"Wwwwhy?"

"I am swiftly being driven mad by boredom and saw a really neat indoor garden set-up on pinterest."

"An indoor garden? In Gotham? Do you fuckin want to get strangled to death in your sleep by vines?"

RR does the little 'tch' thing he picked up from Robin, "Whatever, it'll be fine, these are tiny little arboreals and I'll have reinforced airlocks leading in and out."

"That does fucking nothing for attacks in your sleep."

"Which is why I'll have the whole lockdown system automated. I was already going to do automation for the plant care stuff anyways, cause lets be honest here, there was no way I was ever going to keep them alive on my own."

"...The speed and ease with which you oscillate between self depreciating paranoia and megalomaniacal hubris is fascinating."

And even as pissed off as I am with both of them, that still almost made me friggin lose it laughing, RR seemed so offended too, it was great!

And speaking of pissed off? Yeah, seeing RR acting so chummy with Hood was kinda making my blood boil! Like, maybe he didn't even know they fought. But he's supposed to be her friend too, and it's still sticking in my craw, and I'm busy with the whole damn city needing patroled, and so bottom line: I didn't talk to him tonight, and I'm probably not gonna talk to him tomorrow night either!!

Agent A had several plates set to the side already when I got into the kitchen. I think he assumed at least a few of us were gonna go off in our separate corners after the argument. Made it nice and easy to snag two and bring it down.

She had clearly been pacing, waiting for me, back down in the cave.

We sat together and she held my hand while we ate - pretty awkward, but super worth it. We stayed quiet, me cause I wanted to give her the space to start talking, and her probably because she wasn't sure where to start.

Once all the peas and mash were gone and she was pushing her drumstick around the plate she asked, "Ready?"

"Go for it. All ears."

"It's a guilt thing I think? Least a little?"

"Kinda always figured you were uh, how to put it, I guess invested in him, cause of that sort of parallel between you two?"

She nodded, "Not all of it's that, though. Different guilt," She gives me a rueful smile, "I'm layered in it, huh?"

"Like a lasagna of angst," I told her solemnly.

She huffed a quiet laugh, fidgeting with my hand, "Am I um. A tasty lasagna?"

"Oh yeah, you're delicious," I said with a cheesy wink.

"Terrible," She laughed a bit more, running her thumb over the back of my hand, and the nervous sad crept right back in, "You know about um... One day, I rescued a man? Murderer. From the gas chamber?"

"Yeah. Not well, you've never said much, but I've read a bit about it. Was kind of a big news thing."

"On the way out I met the mother of his victim. She demanded justice. She demanded his death. I didn't know how to- to reconcile her grief. Still don't. But back then... I put him back in the gas chamber. I look at Hood. Wonder if he's the murderer or the mother or the executioner. Wonder what the mother was. Wonder what I was. Wonder if the distinction matters at all."

"Hood's trying to cut all the bad people out, trying to bleed the world better. You're trying to keep it all alive, trying to keep everyone growing. Maybe the other distinctions don't matter, but I think this one has to."

She squeezed my hand tight and kissed every one of my knuckles delicately, "I hope so. Trying to believe so."

"I kinda think you already do. You may be an angst lasagna, but you don't do what you do just out of guilt, yeah?"

"Guess so... I wanted so bad to find out that they'd been replaced by aliens or something. Find out that wasn't him. Not now and um. Not on TV all those months ago. At the very least I was hoping to find regret."

"I really wish I had something better to say than, you know, his determination to be an asshole isn't something we can fix. Just gotta keep growing our garden and hope he decides to join us for real sometime."

"Yeah..." Another round of knuckle kisses, "Yeah, you're right," She wrinkles her nose, "Sucks you're right."

"Yup."

She pressed her forehead against our intertwined hands for a while.

Then she asked, "Tell me about one of your shows?"

"Sure."

So I chattered about some light stuff she nodded along to until we were both ready for bed. It was honestly really nice, and I think I needed it too, a lot more than I realized.

So yeah, here's hoping tomorrow is less of a complete shit show from start to finish.

- Batgirl IV

[onekisstotakewithme]

🌹🌹🌹 (never have I clicked onto your page so fast haha)

Steph, of course!!!

you sent me three roses, I'm going to be obnoxious and share three snips 💜🌹🥰

~

“Your batting average is down. Three times in twelve months?”

“We’ve been a little busy doing other things, Danny.”

“Like what?”

“Well, running the country, for starters.”

(that's chapter five of OTR 😅)

~

“Do you think I make a habit of picking strange men up in bars?”

“No, I hear your tastes usually trend towards call girls.” When he sees the annoyed look on Sam’s face, Will laughs. “We get tabloids out here too, you know.”

“Yes, and I just want to thank you for the really casual way you brought that up.”

(this is a WIP of Will/Sam hooking up at the end of "Game On" for... reasons)

~

“I thought you said we were too old for that kind of thing.”

He grins. “Now who’s making the lamest proposal ever?”

“Still you.”

(And this is a tag to [redacted] but it's CJ/Danny)

~

for every “🌹” received in my inbox i’ll post one random sentence of a random WIP i’m currently writing

[soleminisanction]

I still cant get over how mean spirited some people who ship t*mst*ph are about him dating bernard now and them off-screening their break up, when the way they got together in this continuity was off-screened as well and without any proper buildup at all to why they fell in love. it's just so exhausting to stumble onto someone proclaiming what a crime tim's relationship with bernard is and how they never should have broken up such an 'iconic' couple. and the comments like that are incessant and they are everywhere if you dare to venture out onto comic related sites or reddit. sorry for the rant, but I just feel so deflated and turned off from the fandom after seeing yet another case of this. there's like no safe place to be.

You're valid anon, but to be honest, I think you just need to change your perspective, curate your experience a little, maybe stick around Tumblr and stay away from Reddit, because the people who're being bitchy about it might be loud and obnoxious, but they're very much in the minority.

So seriously, just ignore and block them. And stay off of Twitter, it's actively detrimental to human life. Eventually, the homophobic assholes will either get over it or get out of the fandom, and either way we won't notice because we'll have blocked them ages ago.

I do have to laugh anytime someone tries to claim that anything involving Steph is "iconic" though because like -- one of the problems with her character is that she has nothing iconic about her. Nothing at all. She doesn't even have an icon, the one time she needed one in the comics it was literally a blank circle. The original Spoiler look had style, but ever since they stuck her in those stupid generic track suits she just has no personality, no history, no motivation, no anything.

She's a basic suburban white girl in a generic costume who clings to iconic legacies like Batgirl and Robin because without them, she's completely empty. It's kinda sad.

[cephalog0d]

Batkid Drabbles - "Cassette"

“This one says...Meerkat Map?” Steph squinted at the cassette tape, angling her head back and forth like that would help the smudged writing make sense.

“That cannot possibly be right.”

“You tell me, Mr. Scribbles.” She threw the tape at Tim, maybe a little harder and more head-directed than strictly necessary. He frowned at it for a solid thirty seconds before venturing, “...Woklaus MX?”

“Wow, can’t even read your own handwriting.”

“This is definitely not mine. Is this even a case tape?”

“It was in the box,” Steph said, shrugging.

“Because nobody ever misfiles things around here,” Tim muttered under his breath. Steph graciously ignored him.

“Hey, Dick, can you read this?” she called, gesturing at the tape. He came and leaned over Tim, who obligingly lifted the cassette. Unlike Tim and Steph, Dick barely glanced at it before his face lit with recognition and he pulled it out of Tim’s hand.

“Oh, hey! This is mine!”

“So what the hell does it say?”

“Workout Mix,” Dick said like it was obvious, flipping it around to face Steph.

“I...guess?” Tim conceded, squinting at the theoretical letters. Steph, meanwhile, shot to her feet and lunged to grab the tape.

“Oh, I have to hear this.”

Dick laughed and let it go easily enough.

“Yeah, I used to make tapes to listen to down here during training and things. Bruce hated it, obviously.”

“You rebel,” Steph said sarcastically as she started setting up the tape deck. Dick shrugged, grin going a little sharper.

“You kids have no idea,” he said ominously, ruffling Tim’s hair and getting half-heartedly swatted at.

“As someone who lived through it, you really, really don’t,” Babs cut in via the computer.

“I’m scared to find out what’s on that tape,” Tim said. Considering Steph was busy swapping the audio outputs from headphones to speakers, they were all about to find out. Probably at full volume, knowing her.

“Why?” Dick asked, all wide-eyed innocence. “I’ve got great taste!”

“You had a mullet,” Babs pointed out flatly.

“Yeah.” Dick didn’t seem to take that as the criticism it was definitely intended as. “Is that retro again yet? Should I bring it back?” He ran a hand back through his admittedly shaggier than usual hair.

“No,” Tim said emphatically at the same time that Steph shouted, “Absolutely yes,” and hit play on the tape, blasting obnoxiously upbeat pop music.

((Cross-posted to AO3, gift fic for @outtoshatter! I also made a mockup cassette with my own deliberately awful writing just for fun and to ask my friends what they thought it said.))

[darthhope999]

Angstpril day 11: Self Sabotage.

Title: Peer Pressure

Just a short little story I wrote with the theme “self sabotage” in mind. I don’t know if this is really “self sabotage” but, I mean, someone is sabotaging themselves?

Characters: Mason Stephens, Nathan Scarlett, William Stephens, Stephen Taylor

TW: Alcohol, drinking (not underaged), peer pressure, stomach pain, mentions of chronic illnesses and doctors.

Mason’s eyes watered, the stench of the liquid was nearly overwhelming. They gulped, “How in the world do you drink this?”

Nate grinned, tipping the glass back and downing the drink in one swig. “Just drink it all at once! It’s fun, c’mon!”

Will raised his eyebrows, turning to glare at his boyfriend, “Nate, maybe we shouldn’t be pressuring people into trying drinks that have been scientifically proven to be dangerous?”

Nate laughed jovially, setting the glass on the table and starting to gesture the bartender over again. “Yeah, but only in large amounts,” He said, slipping his hand over Will’s.

Will sighed, “Nate, you’ve had about four of them.”

Nate shrugged, “Exactly, not that much.”

The bartender walked up to them, “Guessing you want another?”

Nate nodded, “That’d be great! Get one for my friend here to.”

“Please,” Will added kindly, “And also, no thank you,” He smiled at the bartender before turning to glare at Nate again.

“What?” He smiled sheepishly.

Will rolled his eyes, “Well, I have to go to the restroom, leave my sibling alone,” He glared pointedly at Nate.

Nate sighed, turning to face his glass, now filled, in front of him. “Yeah, alright,” He said, exaggerating each syllable.

Will smiled and patted him on the arm before getting up and walking in the direction of the restrooms.

Nate turned back to look at Mason, still looking quizzically at their drink.

“Okay, I know Will said to leave you alone-”

“You’re not going to leave me alone are you?”

“Nope. C’mon just try it.”

Mason could smell the alcohol on their friend’s breath and it made their stomach swirl. He was clearly at least slightly drunk and they definitely did not want to drink whatever was in the glass in front of them. They barely remembered the last time they’d gone out for drinks with Steph but they were fairly certain it had ended with them hanging over the toilet in a public washroom after less than one drink. And with them puking in Steph’s car.

Mason made a face, “Yeah, no thanks Nate,” They said, trying to push it away from them.

However, Nate grabbed it and pushed it back towards them. “Oh, don’t be a scaredy cat. Look, it won’t kill ya.” He gulped his entire drink down again, slamming it onto the table and finishing with an obnoxious “ahhh!”

Mason grimaced, flinching away as flecks of liquid sprayed from their friend’s mouth.

Nate grinned lopsidedly, “Ya see? Just drink it! Will has and he’s the most pathetically cautious person I know.”

Mason was now certain that Nate was drunk, he would never have said that if he wasn’t. Or at least they hoped.

They hesitated, they really didn’t like being called a scaredy cat but they just wanted to go home.

“Uhh, I think I should probably be getting home, Steph will be waiting.” Mason said, starting to get up.

Nate shook his head, “Uh ah, first try it, then you can go home,” His voice was slightly slurred, and a stupid grin was planted on his face.

Mason shifted uncomfortably, “I really don’t-”

Nate cut them off by shoving the glass in front of their face. Mason flinched away but reached out to take it, deciding it would be much quicker to just take it.

“Alright, fine,” They hesitated for a second before tipping it back and taking a huge gulp.

The moment the liquid touched their tongue they already wanted to vomit. It was warm and tasted horrible, the alcoholic taste had already leaked down the back their throat and settled uneasily on their already upset stomach.

Mason gulped, forcing themselves to swallow the horrible liquid. “There, I tried it,” They set the glass on the table, “Tell Will I went home.” With that they turned quickly and walked away, forcing their way out of the door and into the cold night air, hearing Nate’s drunken reply of “Ok!” From behind them.

. . .

Steph hadn’t been home when they arrived at their shared apartment and Mason had spent the next thirty minutes trying to ignore the nagging pain that had blossomed in their stomach the moment they had swallowed whatever was in the glass.

“Mase?” Steph’s voice drifted down from the door, they could hear his keys jingling as he hung them up.

Stephen rounded to corner, taking of his coat and throwing it on the chair beside the couch Mason was sitting on. He plopped down beside them, leaning over to see what they were drawing.

“Gonna say hi?” He asked, smiling. When Mason didn’t respond he frowned in concern. “Mase? Are you okay?” He asked, leaning forward to get a better look at his partner’s face.

Mason shook their head, letting their pencil clatter out of their hand and wrapping their arm around their stomach.

“What happened?” Steph asked, shifting closer to them to wrap his arm around their shaking form.

Mason pulled their legs up to their chest, hugging them tight against themself and burying their face in their knees. “Nate tried to get me to drink something. Don’t think it agreed with me.”

Steph hugged them closer, starting to rub their back. He was used to this, him coming home to see Mason curled up and in pain on the couch. He really wished they would see a doctor about it.

“You know, this may stop happening if you got a diagnosis,” Steph said, pressing a kiss into their hair.

Mason gulped, “there’s nothing wrong with me.”

Steph shook his head but didn’t reply, he had already fought with them over this much too many times before.

[springgirlwaiting4fall]

I am a selfish bitch...I just love being in your stories.

Imagine the two of us spending a day at the beach. We have some fun, we chill...and then it happens. There's some guys nearby that demand our attention! They're so hot!

How do we manage to start a conversation? Do they like us...or are we obnoxious as usual and fuck it up? Does one of us get lucky that day? Did WE meet our future husbands?

This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever written (and that’s saying a lot) but I proudly present to you…

Steph and Christine’s Beach Meet Up With Cash and Dax

It was a gorgeous day at Emerald Isle Beach in North Carolina. Christine turned over onto her stomach to start tanning her back. Rolling over she saw her best friend Stephanie trying not to grimace as sand got onto her towel. Christine laughed out loud, but said “you’re a good friend mama.” The two girls were enjoying their first vacation together. Some days they did things they both enjoyed, waking up late, going to brunch and followed by shopping. Other days one girl picked the activity. Like yesterday, Steph picked out an Art Museum and they spent all day there looking at every piece. Christine followed Steph around and smiled nodding her head and agreeing with whatever her friend was saying about the art.

So naturally it was Christine turn to pick and Steph was being a good sport and not pretending to melt in the hot sun and be grossed out by ocean water and sand. “At least there is occasional cute guy walking by,” Steph shrugged. That was definitely true but they weren’t ready for the two men who were about to walk on to the beach. They didn’t even notice them, too engrossed in their own conversation. It wasn’t until both men stood up and started walking to the water, that both Steph and a Christine sat up and stared. Both of their mouths dropped open.

“Did you see him?” Christine turned to ask her bestie.

“How could I not?” Stephanie replied back.

They both said the same thing at he same time. “I never thought I would be into a guy with…”

They ended their sentences different though with Steph saying mullet and Christine saying mustache.

The girls grinned at each other, before laughing. They were each checking out the different guy. Both thought that guys in that good of shape and so handsome would never be into them. But it was still fun to imagine and daydream together about what it would be like, if by some miracle they did show interest. The joking and laughing instantly stopped when the two men started walking out of the water. It was like something out of a movie. Water droplets falling off their muscles as they walked up the sand back to their chairs.

Steph and Christine had to look away and avoid eye contact to stop themselves from giggling like teenagers. Steph went back to her phone and Christine went back to her book. Besides a side glance every now and than they ignored their new beach neighbors. Until they felt the sun being blocked, they both looked up and saw the two guys standing over them.

“Hi ladies,” the guy with the mustache started introductions. “I’m Dax and this is Cash.” Cash smiled and Christine saw Steph’s face turn bright red. Christine couldn’t judge her face was red as soon as Dax started to talk.

Cash nodded over to their chairs and coolers “we hope this isn’t too forward or anything, but we were about to have a drink and wanted to know if you wanted to join us?”

The two women exchanged a look. They didn’t need to say anything to know what the other one was thinking. Is this really happening and hell yeah they were going to join them for a drink. Christine and Steph walked over to the guys beach spot and introduced themselves.

Dax open their cooler and pulled out a huge bottle of what looked like tequila. While Cash pulled out throwaway shot glasses. Dax poured everyone a glass and raised his cup.

Everyone followed his lead and raised their glass. A boldness that Steph never exhibited before spoke up “here’s to new friends,” her eyes never leaving cash. The foursome clinked their shots, Dax, Cash, Steph threw their shots back. Christine tried to sip, but her body rejected the strong liquor and she couldn’t finish the shot.

Dax laughed “that is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” He took the shot from her. “How about I finish this and get you a soda instead?”

Cash turned to Stephanie. “Would you like another shot?”

She shook her head. “No thanks. I’m more one beer and done type of girl.”

Cash grinned at her. “Me too.” His smile faded as he realized he just called himself a girl. “I mean boy. Uh man.” It was adorable. Cash was adorable.

The group stayed on the beach, talking and getting to know each other; Until the lifeguards were closing the beach today. Christine was still feeling shy, but Cash was bringing out something new in Steph. “Since you guys shared your drinks with us, how about we treat you to dinner tonight.”

Dax and Cash smiled. They planned to meet later tonight on the boardwalk.

“Is this really happening?” Christine asked as she looked at all the sundresses she laid out on the bed.

Stephanie came out of the bathroom looking absolutely stunning in her favorite ripped black jeans and a red silk blouse. “It is. We are going out to dinner with the hottest guys we have ever seen.”

Christine picked out a dress and walked to the bathroom to get dressed. “The hottest guys who are also the nicest and so funny.” It was hard not to be nervous. But there was also a strange calmness, like all of this was meant to be. Especially when they walked to the agreed meeting place five minutes early and Cash and Dax were already waiting for them.

Both men were pacing in front of the restaurant, definitely looking like they were nervous as well. When they noticed their dates they walked right over to them. Cash whispered in Steph’s ear that she looked gorgeous and he guided her into restaurant his hand almost touching her lower back. Every once in a while his fingers would lightly press against her. You could see that while Cash brought out a side of boldness in Steph, she brought out his shyness. It was almost too cute. It was the exact opposite with Dax and Christine. Christine’s face still turned bright red when Dax looked her in the eyes and told her she was the prettiest thing he ever seen, before taking her hand into his and leading her into the restaurant.

The food was delicious, but it was nothing to their conversation that flowed at the table. They all sat at the same table and included everyone but, it was very clear that this was a date. Cash focused in on Steph and Dax focused on Christine. Each couple split a desert together. When the bill came the guys took it, before Steph or Christine could try and grab it. The girls wanted to pay but Cash and Dax refused.

They walked out of the restaurant and it was clear, no one wanted the night to end so early. Without anyone saying anything, it was just decided that they would stroll down the boardwalk. This time Christine and Cash took charged and both grabbed their dates hand. Walking up the boardwalk they window shopped and enjoyed the summer breeze. They were by the amusement pier and carnival games style were lined up in a row.

Cash pulled Stephanie to the dart balloon pop game. “Let me show you how to throw a dart.” He handed the worker a couple bills and was handed 3 darts. He stood behind Steph, one hand on her hip, the other on her wrist. He whispered in her ear how to pull back, before extending her arm forward. “Keep both eyes on the ballon you want to pop.” The little breaths he took left goosebumps all over her neck. He helped her throw the first two and let her throw the 3rd on her own. Each time she threw one a ballon popped and she won a plush bulldog with an overbite.

Meanwhile Dax had taken Christine over to the squirt gun racing game. He paid for one and had Christine sit on her lap, he than put his hands over her and whispered in her ear. “Let’s win this thing.” It was hard to concentrate being so close to Dax, but somehow they did win And they walked away with a frog with a sombrero hat.

The group met back together in front of the ride ticket booth. “How about a couple rides?” Cash asked and

Stephanie was already bouncing on her toes. She loved anything that was too fast or too high. But than she looked over at her best friend who while smiling looked like a nervous wreck. She knew Christine hated ride and was afraid of heights. Steph was a friend first. She always followed the rules hos over bros, and was about to suggest something else instead.

Dax noticed Christine fake smile and while he didn’t mind rides, he wanted to see his date have a real smile. “How about you two do rides? And Christine and I go take a walk on the beach instead.”

Christine and Stephanie exchanged looks, both making sure they were comfortable with being alone with their date. Again without needing to say a word, knew they were okay.

The sun was just setting when Dax and Christine slipped their shoes off and started to walk in the sand. Dax took Christine’s shoes out of her hands and carried them with his own. His other hand wrapped around her shoulders. “I don’t want you getting cold.”

Christine was finally was feeling less shy and more confident. “Thanks for not going on rides with me.”

“I will never go on another ride again, if I can see you again,” Dax admitted.

Christine stopped walking and turned to face him. “I think I could handle some rides, if you were holding my hand,” and than she kissed his cheek.

Steph and Cash walked off the slingshot ride laughing and holding hands. “What’s next?” Steph asked eyeing the rollercoaster that went upside down multiple times.

Without a word Cash pulled Stephanie to the Ferris wheel. It was perfect Timing. They were unloaded a couple, and there was no line. So they literally walked right on. The moon was just started to show and all the lights on the boardwalk went on.

It was beautiful view of all the stores, rides, and beach.

Steph looked over and she was pretty sure she saw Christine and Dax on their walk. She pointed them out to Cash.

They were at the very top and the ride came to a stop. Cash turned to his date. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

[rick-rayson]

Batfamily vs Tiktok

The Batfamily and what kind of accounts they'd have!

══════════✧══════════

Stephanie:

Follower count: 900k

Doing Stephanie first because she probably uses Tiktok the most.

Trauma dumps. Like all the time. But for comedy purposes (and lack of a therapist)

This is very specific but I feel like she makes tiktoks of her saying really seggsual pick up lines and then in the next moment she brings up how incredibly unloved she is or sumn.

She's the best and worst at covering her identity.

"Call me Batgirl because I wanna swoop into your Batcave" *lip bites*

"Nobody loves me and I am always forgotten."

Half of her fans believe she's actually Batgirl.

But then she posts a video of her at midnight trying to smoke from a cinnamon stick, crying because her plushie was placed uncomfortably on her bed and she feels immense guilt over that.

Yeah nvm.

Her fans love her to bits but the amount of videos she's posted of herself crying is concerning.

She's the type to like and reply to any comments that make her laugh.

Duke:

Follower count: 700k (but he honestly deserves more)

Duke uses Tiktok a LOT.

Posts mostly outdoor videos tho.

Parkour, sports, food videos.

But he's actually most known for his dance videos.

He's made so many dance trends and if it wasn't for the fact NOBODY EVER CREDITS HIM, he'd have a much larger audience.

He likes comments but never actually replies unless it's a question.

In his drafts he has like 5 videos of him dancing that've been interrupted by some criminal trying to mug him or some shit.

He actually posted one of those drafts on accident and although he quickly deleted it, it spread like wildfire.

He gets bombarded with comments asking him to give combat tips.

Who is he to say no?

Tim:

Follower count: 600k

Tim is a younger Hank Green.

He's the smart science boy that everyone asks strange questions to.

He's so, so tired of his fans sometimes so he isn't very active on Tiktok.

His followers are actually feral and chaotic so when he posts he mentally prepares himself for the onslaught.

It'd come to a point where he addresses that shit.

"Guys, for the last time... DO NOT EAT MOLTEN LAVA AND DO NOT DRESS UP AS JOKER AND CHASE PEOPLE."

He loves his fans but sometimes they make him wanna rip his hair out.

If you genuinely ask him a science question without the motive of chugging lava or inhaling fear toxin, Tim will love you and cherish you.

Although he doesn't really respond to people in his comments, he does duet people.

One of the reasons he doesn't have more followers is because he actively deletes some... Don't ask.

Dick:

Follower count: 2M

Dick is the obnoxiously enthusiastic dude that likes to *think* that people mainly follow him for his health tips or diet plan videos.

But literally anyone that is anyone knows that's not the case at all.

He's a thirst trap, and a very popular one.

He innocently posts videos of him doing flips and tricks not realizing that people eat that shit up.

He has so many simps it's crazy.

His comment section though is actually very respectful. Because he does flips with such a big smile on his face that fans just sit back and behave.

He gets "🍰🎂" comments all the time tho and he doesn't get it at first.

Until Jason commented: "They're talking about your ass bro."

He replies to nearly every comment and LOVES duetting people.

Posts like once a week but his videos always get so much likes.

Jason:

Follower count: 500k

Thinking about it- Jason doesn't really use social media much.

Steph was the one to convince him to get Tiktok and she boosted his followers by giving him a shoutout.

He posts some of the most random shit ever.

Like you'll get a video of him eating cake with Artemis and Roy in complete silence and then you'll get a video of like.. what Batfamily member you are based on your Zodiac.

But his most popular videos are when he answers questions.

"uhhh Thickthighsthot69 says, 'I'm sick and broke my ankle, how r u?' .. better than your ass that's for sure."

He never replies to comments. He doesn't even like them.

Damian:

Follower count: 700k

He finds Tiktok utterly repulsive and only made one because Jon made him do it.

Much to his dismay he got verified and that boosted his account extremely fast.

"Jon, how do I save this? This layout is irritating my eyes, surely there's more options—"

He only duets animal videos or some of Dick's Tiktoks, other than that he doesn't do much.

Ma boy will block you if you irritate him in his comments, he does not care.

Unless you insult his pets.

Expect 8 paragraphs of why you are dumb and his cat Alfred is superior to you in every way.

══════════✧══════════

[chaseprice]

jhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfdg the chasepr-ce tag is fucking shit and bts has made it worse honestly 

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough