#adhd experience

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

If You Have ADHD Why Are You So Quiet?

I forget what I’m going to say (even while I’m saying it)

I speak very quickly (I get embarrassed, misheard, and often told to “just slow down”

I forget words, names, and sentence structure

I’m exhausted

I’m concentrating on listening and processing

I don’t want to interrupt (when/how am I meant to join in)

I have thousands of thoughts occupying my brain

I’m concentrating on my body language (whilst tying to read yours)

I struggle to speak about things I have no experience or interest in

I’m afraid of rejection (RSD)

I CAN Network Ltd

[amihungryorbored]

If you DON'T HAVE ADHD PLEASE DO NOT VOTE this is not for you i want to hear adhd voices if you want to see just use the answers option

also you tumblsters yes YOU THE MISCHIEVOUS ONE please please please don't mess with it just to mess with it help a guy out

[50044w44s]

Hey, i see that you're drowning. Here's some arm floaties, hope they help.

Oh, I see they are really helping huh?

"Why is that person using arm floaties? they're not drowning..."

I see that you're not drowning, you're doing good so I'm gonna take the arm floaties away from you. Wait, why are you drowning again? You were fine one second ago, you must be faking it.

"Can I please have some arm floaties?"

"But you haven't entered the pool yet."

"Yeah but I can't swim, I know that I can't swim, so some arm floaties would really help me not to drown."

"You're asking for arm floaties without even trying to swim, you're just lazy and you want more help than the others have, the others are doing just fine..."

"I don't need to get into the watter to know that I can't swim. You're telling me I can't have arm floaties unless I'm actively drowning? You won't give them to me even though I warned you I will drown?"

This post was never about arm floaties.

[6catsandanerdo]

You see, I don't speak much when I meet new people and they think I'm an introvert or dislike them, while I actually keep quiet because I don't wanna them to know that I'm an idiot.

[pixiemage]

I deal with ADHD on a daily basis, meaning I struggle with multiple (frustrating) things. There's one in particular that's been on my mind the most as of late: it's difficult for me to complete large tasks easily. For me, motivation, mental energy, and time are limited, and those rare moments where it all lines up so I can get shit done are often few and far between. This applies to both things I don't want to do, and things I do want to do. Even writing or cosplay construction or editing videos can become daunting tasks even though they're all fun and enjoyable hobbies of mine.

Recently, I've been trying to clean my room.

As anyone in my immediate family can tell you, this has been a big problem since I was young. My room starts clean, but then I put a few pairs of shoes by my bed, then don't have the energy to deal with the growing laundry pile, then can't find a place for the new mic stand I got for my birthday, then I start dumping jewelry on my bedside table at the end of the day when I'm tired, then - then - then. And then it builds to a disastrous tipping point and it has become this massive, incomprehensible task I have to tackle, and because my brain hates me, it's a frustrating and grueling process to even figure out where to begin.

But deadlines help (pressure helps) and I have found that working on it in the wee hours of the morning (from midnight to like 5am) is somehow a way to get my brain to focus on it. For some reason I work better then. Arguably, this isn't logical or useful every day because I need sleep and I have work, but I made MASSIVE progress two days ago by staying up way too late on a night when I finally found the drive to get shit done.

That's not really the point of this post though.

The point is that I've found that a majority of society (or maybe just the NT community in general) have a hard time seeing progress as worthwhile when completion is better.

"Did you finish your room?" "Not yet, but I dealt with that massive pile of crap on my couch! It's SO much better, and I can actually see the floor in front of my dresser now, and-" "That's not what I asked. Did you finish?" "Not yet." "The answer is no, then."

It doesn't matter how much I've done. It doesn't matter how proud I am of my partial progress. It doesn't matter that I fought tooth and nail to get to the point I'm at, because unfortunately, I haven't finished it all yet, so it's not good enough.

(And I know I have a deadline, and I know we have family coming over soon, and I know that being done is the goal, but the deadline isn't here yet. Give me time. I need time.)

I think we as a society need to award and praise ourselves more for the efforts we put in, whether we reached a finish line or not. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for completion, because at the end of the day that's often the goal of any task. But we should also let ourselves be proud of how far we have come as long as we're doing our best. I don't see that often enough. I continuously struggle to reach that finish line, but hey, I came this far today! I didn't reach Toad so he could tell me my princess was in another castle (because god knows there's always another task), but I did hit that checkpoint, and since I've been struggling through this level for as long as I have, that's still worth celebrating in some small way. It's still worth all the coins I collected and the goons I defeated to get to this point.

Don't reprimand your kids because their hard work thus far doesn't quite live up to your standards. Applaud what they've done and then help them find the right next step so they're motivated to keep going.

It takes a lot of work to save a princess. The journey has a lot more monsters than just the dragon.

[advashaviv]

So much of ADHD can be boiled down to "I'll just"...

I'll just be a minute!

I'll just finish this thing I do which I love and is neverending, then move on to that urgent task.

I'll just leave this here for now.

I'll just call them later.

I'll just put on my all-is-fine mask.

✨ ADHD fantasy fiction

[nicxxx5]

god i hate the time of year when my hands start to dry out. they feel so fucking gross and putting on lotion ALSO feels so fucking gross. even my nails feel gross AND the skin at the edge of my nails is peeling. i just want to rip off my skin and nails

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Having ADHD does not mean what people think it means. It’s so exhausting having to explain that all the time

[adhd-creativity]

ADHD and Gender

I've just thought about how possibly gender doesn't necessarily inherently change the way ADHD affects us (for example, articles stating that adhd makes men more hyperactive than women). But society and how we've been socialised from infants to align with our assigned gender most definitely does.

Example- my male colleague, I'll call him Ben, has combined type adhd just like me (innatentive and hyperactive). It's a lot more 'obvious' with him- he talks loudly about his interests, bounces around the room, and today he's left the staffroom distracted by something work-related. He's left a used mug, glass, and a dirty tuppaware out on the shared table.

My other colleagues complain about Ben to me- they feel safe doing this as I pass so easily as 'normal'. They call him inconsiderate and someone calls him gross. And I think privately to myself, I would so easily have done that too, but I'm too hyper-aware of the shame, the gossiping of everyone around me.

I also know- in a public space you can't leave your used things out on the table. Even if it's really hard to keep track of and not do accidentally. I know I am expected to be tidy (especially in public) and consider everyone around me at all times, even if it negatively affects me.

They don't know about when I hid a growing pile of used mugs and plates in my little office space until people started complaining things were missing, how I complained with them (lol). They don't know that I stayed super late one shift and filled a bag with the mugs and plates and sneaked them into the kitchen to wash, clanking guiltily as I went, having to soak and scrub them for more than an hour.

I don't know Ben's personal history, but maybe he grew up not being told to constantly keep on top of his own mess and chores. Maybe that's women's work. Or maybe he had a modern thinking family who encouraged him to take up the space he needed (not shrink yourself down, make room for boys that need that space) and to not care what others thought of him. Maybe they were annoyed by him leaving cups and plates and making a mess, but Ben's a boy, and boys are allowed to be messy.

Maybe Ben has been enouraged to speak loudly and proudly about his interests all his life, so now he tells people about them. Maybe he's never been told to be quiet, to not think so highly of himself, to let others talk first.

I don't know Ben- I just know that he's had a very different experience of the world than I have, even if we both do share ADHD.

And because he's maybe had the chance to be who he is, loud and chatty and chaotic, without society telling him to be quiet, smaller, neater - maybe thats why people like Ben get diagnosed when they are 8 years old. Maybe that's why I didn't get diagnosed until 30- after years of pushing and having to fight my case.

What do people think? I'd love to hear some other perspectives on this

(Disclaimer- this is not meant to be gender essentialist or man-hating. I think gender is a construct and although I've been socialised as a woman, I am non-binary. Also I am not a health care professional these are just my thoughts lol )

[fiendfifofum]

Doing ADHD laundry takes several steps:

You have to put the dirty clothes into bags

You have to wash and dry those clothes

You have to fold all of those clothes, sorting and laying them out

You have to put the sorted clothes away

This is the same as regular laundry, the difference is that anything from a few hours to several days can pass in-between any of these steps.

[undiagnosed-autistic]

Question for neurodivergent people?

Is focusing too much a thing? Sometimes I have the feeling that I can't control my ability to focus and that I can only choose between don't doing the thing and doing the thing but with so much focus that afterwards I feel sick (I usually am nauseous, lightheaded, exhausted).

It's like my brain thinks that I have to do the thing fast and at the best of my abilities, like it's a matter of life and death. I don't know how to explain it better, has anybody experienced something similar?

[50044w44s]

Some time ago I read a phrase right at the end of a tumblr post,

"Autisim is a disability, sometimes it disables me."

And I can't stop thinking about it since. There's some things I will never do, because I'm autistic and my brain's not wired that way.

You know that announcement that goes "you assume I won't *random thing*, so I don't *random thing*"?

Well, I agree with it... partially? I guess? Because some times, there's things that are just out of reach, and if you're all the time assuming that I can do it, then my brain gets exhausted trying to.

I feel bad when I can't. I think I'm useless, stupid, worthless. Because you think I can so I should... right? I don't know how to tell you that I just... Can't. I feel the way disappointing you pushes me, and pushes me, right over the edge.

There has to be a carefully drawn line in between aiming high and push yourself until it hurts.

Sometimes I can't. Not now, I'm sorry. Maybe in the future I'll try again.

Autisim is a disability, sometimes it disables me.

[literary-lesbianism]

idk how it took me 17 years to get diagnosed with adhd bc my neurologist asked me if i get easily distracted and i straight up said “only by distracting things” and thought i was neurotypical

[6catsandanerdo]

My ADHD self picks something off the floor

Me: Wait! Does this mean I'm a fake and I don't have ADHD?

[twighdark]

The more I think about my childhood, especially my primary school to early middle school years, i realize how messed up they actually were and I just didn’t notice thanks to my neurodivergency.

I was bullied, relentlessly. Not in the “gimme your lunch-money”-way, but in the *giving extremely convoluted game rules so you’ll get frustrated and leave* kinda way. The kids who I considered friends only kept me around for a handful of reasons:

- free entertainment because I was “too stupid” to notice them tricking/making fun of me,

- defending them against teachers since I was a good student and had some more breathing space,

- doing the homework they didn’t wanna do because it was “too hard” for them, and I just wanted to help,

- asking me favours they knew I wouldn’t come to collect,

- an extra birthday party to attend, and finally:

- me being far too understanding and not angry when they didn’t want me around for any reason.

The moment we hit 5th grade, the boy who I considered to be my best friend told me flat-out that he was not interested in being friends anymore. It hurt badly, especially since he was so nonchalant about it, but I just rationalized it away. we’d be in different classes, after all.

Nope, he had just never really thought of me as an actual friend at all. Turns out his grandmother had put him up to it, since she “felt sorry” for me.

A “good-luck letter” that we were supposed to write to one of our friends at the end of 4th grade, since some of us would be going to other schools, came from my homeroom teacher while I wrote something for said friend. But that was okay, since everyone else had already figured out who was writing to whom, and I had just been to slow to join a group.

Nope, they deliberately exluded me, since nobody was interested in writing to the weird, fat kid, and my teacher felt sorry for me.

In general, the only reason why adults always seemed to favour my opinion was because it coincided with theirs. I was a nice, hardworking, undisruptive student. I was an “old soul”. I was convenient. I was such a social outcast that they, while they felt sorry for me, could guiltlessly use me as the joykill rule-enforcer, since my social standing couldn’t possibly get any lower and I happily and dutifully followed every rule there was.

So much more stuff happened, or didn’t happen that should have, that this post could go on forever. And I didn’t even notice it until I was around 17, already better integrated into my environment because I finally perfected my mask. For the most part. Still fat, still a little clueless, but acceptably so. I found that letter from my teacher again. I broke down crying because I finally understood that back then, my “friends” couldn’t have cared less and I was always just a charity case to the teachers.

In the end, I grew either smart, confident, or manipulative enough to not be messed with anymore. I lost a good chunk of my genuine kindness to those changes, and the changes hurt. I had to reinvent my whole personality and approach just to not be the clueless laughing stock anymore, and I lost a lot of myself in the process.

I got some genuine friends later on who are mostly, ya guessed it, also neurodivergent. I still struggle with differentiating which parts of me were actually there in the first place, and which parts I had to build out of self defense, because those are the ones that give me breakdowns.

I spent the majority of my life thinking I just had a normal childhood. The moment the truth hit me, so many of my mannerisms, my anxieties, my traumas, finally made sense. And I’m still reeling from it. Likely will be for the rest of my life.

So for the record:

Kids are far more cruel than you might think, kids behaving more like adults than kids is NOT normal or healthy, and if you’re neurodivergent and think your symptoms only showed up once you were a teen or older, reconsider. Chances are, a lot of trauma responses actually stem from stuff you didn’t even notice at first.

[notafragileegg]

Ever felt extremely tired / straight up fell asleep due to boredom? Congratulations! You might have experienced this weird thing called "intrusive sleep".

(I am gonna link a few sources, it's a really fascinating thing) Intrusive sleep is such a weird thing. It happens particularly often in people with ADHD.

Our nervous systems apparently just disengage out of SHEER BOREDOM! It might lead to drowsiness or collapse on the spot due to abrupt tiredness.

Apparently, it happens because our brains see no point in "wasting energy" on the current task

Article 1 | Article 2

My personal experience with this is something I'd like to share. I luckily don't have the variant where I just suddenly drop to the floor and sleep. I occasionally get extremely tired and drowsy when I don't know what to do / get overwhelmed with a boring task. It's like an INTENSE feeling of tiredness that takes over my entire body and sensory processing. Things start moving slower, my thoughts start forming into dreams and I fall asleep within 1-2 minutes for a couple of minutes to an hour.

This is extremely difficult to handle when I have to listen to a monotone teacher, watch a documentary, or even read a book. My brain just goes "oh... well, fuck this" and just sends me to sleep.

The part that annoys me most is when I tell people about this problem I have, that's actually impacting my ability to live like I want to, some have told me that I should be thankful for being able to fall asleep on command. The thing is, this is not a restful sleep, nor is it like a nap, it's almost like I just lose all motor ability, skip a bit of time, and wake up like nothing happened. Maybe my hand is sore because I fell asleep on top of it, but that's pretty much the only change besides a bit of left-over drowsiness. + IT HAPPENS WHEN I DON'T WANT IT TO

I have only recently tried to do something against it after realizing it's most likely an ADHD thing - so I took the approach of pumping myself with AS MUCH GOOD STIMULATION AS I CAN HANDLE until I am awake; I put on some music, get some easy snacks, fill my water bottle with cold water and just hope, that that's enough to basically stop my brain from deactivating me temporarily.

Intrusive sleep is definitely something I want to learn more about and might make a follow-up post about. I just had this intense urge to write a post at 2am (this definitely doesn't help with my other sleep issues lmao). I just hope it's legible and hopefully somewhat interesting to read.