#and buy your brother some mayonnaise

[seirindono]

You guys have read Papyrus’s interview yet? Great time, bwahaha

[lucky-lucky-duck]

🎏 — all good! just wanna check in 🫡 and speaking of sauce, i can see Ren pocketing sauce packets and randomly snacks on them lol

c u r s e d. What kind of sauce packets? Because my ass is assuming that you just implied that Ren just casually slurps on ketchup packets. Omg, Ren eating mayonnaise packets that he just keeps in his pockets-- I'm unwell.

In honor of our new symbiotic relationship, have the ed ideas that I had to scrap from the snapshot drafts because there was no way to even remotely imply a romantic relationship... Under the cut, because the second one is... a little yucky. Edit to clarify: I accuse Ed of pissing in bottles. Not in a kinky way.

Edward Hart ? Obscuary student!reader

Surviving Mornings:

"My brother in Christ, it is a fucking toaster," you wheeze, looking worse for wear as you watch your slightly pathetic/legendary-immortal-beast house captain attempt to navigate a basic kitchen appliance. "There are only two buttons, man. If one doesn't toast the fucking bread, push the other, holy fuck. Please--just watch me this time."

Helping him clean his room: (Based on a specific line in episode 6. "Mysterious liquid" my entire ass; that was a piss bottle, brother. Okay, a few clicks later it was described as "viscus". So it was probably congealed blood or something but I was in Schrodinger's hell for a hot minute. I had a lot of questions after that and I provide only the most cursed answers possible.)

"Ohmygod," you cry, dropping the bottle to the ground. You hold your hand as far away from you as possible, the disgust nearly bringing you to tears. You shoot Edward a withering glare and make a mental note to buy Rui some lunch from Sho's food truck tomorrow for having put up with him alone for so long. "You're 400ish years old. This? Tragic. I want hazard pay." "Oh, do calm down. It's hardly the same as your human equivalent. Think of it more as... excess sweat." His hand waves you off in a lazy motion, as though his response doesn't leave you with more questions than before. "All love and light, what the fuck," you hesitate, almost afraid to get an answer, "do you mean by that?"

[davactivated]

🌶 ☀️ 💙 🦖 🍷 🐙 🦜 💣 🔮 🌟 🟢⚔️😦🏠🍿🎉

Go nuts

Doing this one first because this is very many and i love answering questions thank yoy meatpit 🫶🫶

(🌶️) how do they feel about becoming a farmer?

" Marcus wasnt always fond with farming but his grandfather was, but also he really wanted to stay somewhere he can enjoy himself and be himself! He started to learn how to farm little by little until he finally got the hang of it, and honestly he's proud of himself! he loves poultry and is still trying to learn about it "

(☀️) do they adjust to living in the valley easily?

" They didn't adjust well atfirst.., because marcus isnt always the type of person to talk until he gets the courage too and he needs to talk to others to make progress and to ask help from. but he really is sweet and a goofball when you gets to talk, he's just a little shy. BUT his main way of talking is body language! he loves moving around "

(💙) do they have any blue chickens?

" .... ALOT. "

(🦖) do they incubate the dino eggs? how many dinos do they have?

" He found an egg and found it interesting and decided to incubate it and got 3 dinos now, he tends to separate them from his lovely chickens because he really doesnt want anything to happen to his children "

(🐙) what fish do they struggle to catch?

" The squid. "

(🍷) what is your farmer's main way of making money?

" Mostly through mayonnaise actually! he's actually planning to get more void chickens and chickens in general to proccess those good quality eggs into mayonnaise without troubles. even tho he'll work his ass off to work in the mines for some earth crystals and copper bars "

(🦜) does your farmer befriend leo? what do they think of him?

" when marcus saw leo he really felt empathy towards leo, he was really patient with the little guy and offered him gifts whenever he visits, he likes leo! and he wants to build a small bond with him, like a little big brother figure you know? "

(💣) what's the lowest they ever gone in the skull caverns?

" around a 110! and then marcus passed out atleast 5 times trying to go to that actual level again for iridium ore "

(🔮) best thing they ever found while in the skull caverns?

" His beloved dark cowboy hat and his first ever prismatic shard! Also when I lost my hammer when i passed out in the skull caverns "

(🌟) what is their reaction when they get their first stardrop?

" when he got his first stardrop he was absolutely amaaazed, on how much he descovers alot of stuff in this valley and he's absolutely excited to know whats in store for him "

(🟢) does your farmer get a slime hutch? do they use it?

" No sadly.. not planning on building one either... "

(⚔️) what is their weapon of choice?

" Hammers! especially the galaxy hammer "

(😦) is your farmer afraid of the monsters?

" Absolutely not... Except for that one damn Serpent I shit myself everytime "

(🏠) does your farmer buy a house for pam and penny? do they reveal their identity or stay anonymous?

" he wishes to!! But he's on a hella tight budget and the community upgrade is faaar out of his reach for him atm, he can't do that "

(🍿) what's their favorite theater snack?

" Marcus loves salmon burgers!! He tends to be careful when eating it because he doesn't wanna make any mess but honestly he loves it "

(🎉) what is your farmer's favorite festival?

" His favorite festival is the town fair!! He absolutely loves it when that festival goes around he wouldn't miss it for the world, He also loves Feast of the winter star!! "

[nikkireedsource]

Nikki Reed Has a 5-Minute, Not-So-Hollywood Cleanse for You

The actress, newlywed, and wellness guru is opening up her pantry for a new recurring column.

Welcome to Take Five, my new recurring beauty and nutrition column on ELLE.com culled from a lifelong passion for animals, the outdoors, and feeling good. For me, the notion of taking five—whether the number pertains to ingredients in a food or just a moment to ask your body how it's feeling—can make all the difference. Consider this your 300-second-long wellness retreat.

Six years ago, while living in Greece, I was eating everything under the sun, but still felt really clean, pure, and wonderful. When I came back to the States, after a year of being abroad, I realized that I was just not feeling well: I was putting on weight; my skin wasn't good; and I couldn't figure out what the issue was. I started putting together my own theories about our food system (more on that later), and I realized that being gone for so long, and cleaning myself out the way I did, gave my body the opportunity to start over—if I wanted it.

I realized that there was something unhealthy happening with our food system (an awareness that eventually led my husband, Ian Somerhalder, and me to work as ambassadors for Thrive Market, an organic-at-wholesale company). In addition to my own evolving instincts, I tuned in to the habits of the people around me such as my uncle, a yoga instructor and raw vegan, and my brother—my super handsome, super buff brother—who is a perfect example of someone who can live within a mostly plant-based diet and still look the way he wants.

In addition to recalibrating the foods I was putting into my body, I began tinkering with making my own beauty products. I wish I had some super secret formula that makes my creations really unique, but I mostly use items I pick up from the natural food store. My rule is: If I can eat it, I can put it on my skin. Coconut oil mixed with olive oil is what I put on my body every day; I put rose hip oil on my face. If my hair feels dry, instead of going and buying something filled with chemicals, I put egg whites or avocados or mayonnaise in my hair. I leave it on there for an hour or two and I wash it out.

It may sound complicated, by my routine really is so, so basic. If you look at the Polynesian culture in Hawaii—a lot of my family is from Hawaii—you can see how what they put into their bodies manifests itself in other ways. Polynesian women are known for their long hair, glowing skin, and thick nails. And that comes from the local diet, which is mostly plant based with a little bit of fish and a lot of natural fats and oils. It's about eating things that are living and raw and applying that same logic to what you put on your skin and hair.

For me it's all about not ingesting chemicals. I tried for a long time to only eat things with less than five pronounceable ingredients—hence the name of this column. If you're lost and looking to press the reset button, that's kind of a cool, easy way to start. (FYI: You can find some really great protein bars and nut bars that still only have three or four ingredients, like ground-up cashews, honey, and cinnamon!) This may sound surprising for someone who works in Hollywood, but I do not count calories and I don't even care about weight gain, which I know sounds really bizarre. I listen to my body. I don't just wake up in the morning and cook whatever I eat.

Routinely I go, 'Hmm, what do I want today? What do I see? Is there oatmeal? Does that mean I need carbohydrates? Is it bananas? Do I need potassium?' If you actually take a second to ask your body what it wants before you feed it, it will answer. Okay, so I know I sound like a crazy person, but how is my philosophy any more extreme than people who say, 'I'll diet for 36 hours' or 'I just won't eat today'? Nothing drives me crazier than girls who are doing these cleanses.

You can cleanse by just eating well. Don't believe me? Next week I will show you how. Until then, breathe in, breathe out, and remember to take five. (Also, feel free to laugh at this pic of me making homemade almond milk.)

Original article

[roxineedstosleep]

Okay.. So like what about platonic batfamily with a gender neutral or male who's like 15-17 who's like a ball of sunshine who likes to pull small and harmless pranks in Gotham but can be really helpful when needed if you don't mind!

(Graphic description when you mentioned a male reader sunshine ball)

Sorry if I made a mistake in writing a male character. Being a girl, I really don't know how well I describe or portray a male figure. But I will try my best.

*****************************************************************

I think, for him to have access to the family and have the confidence to make jokes, he should have been with them for a good while and know all the hiding places.

The reader should have been living with the Wayne family at the mansion for a while by now. Including with Stockholm Syndrome, as they would give him the space and not realize he did things. How they were not aggressive pranks, involving harming someone directly or physical in a violent way. They let it be.

Obviously he would have his satellite GPS on at all times, as they want to make sure he doesn't wander off. Bruce would have the rule of "If he's not farther away than the surveillance zone of one of his siblings, no problem". I mean, they already know he won't wander off.

So. Jokes.

I think it would depend a lot on what kind of animus he's in and the location.

For example: if he sees that Ivy has been making messes for several days, with Bruce's VIP black card, he would buy several artificial flowers, stitches and paint everything to look like real plants. Then he would distribute them in various parts of the city and, while eating various snacks, he would have the fun of watching on the computer how Ivy despairs for not being able to control that plant or flower.

In the case of the Sauce King or King Condiment, he would go to the battle scene, with various hot dogs and hamburgers, and then start chasing the villain. "Yeah, I know you're fighting Batman, all right…. But could you put some Dijon mustard on my burger? What do you mean you don't have Dijon mustard? Italian spiced mayonnaise? Neither, what about cheese sauce or balsamic, neither? Weren't you the King of condiments?"

Obviously that joke would be double-edged: it would stop that persecution because the poor villain looks devastated at that logic, but then your father and brothers would take you to your punishment corner because now their suits smell like hot bell pepper olive sauce.

I think, within standards, they would allow him to banter directly with the low-life villains. Since that way they keep this one from playing pranks on them for a considerable length of time. They don't mind their little brother's pranks, rather, they love to see him laugh when they fall for them.

But they also don't like having to remove all the glitter from their motorcycle tires; for safety reasons. Or that Bruce's space helmet has googly eyes glued on with crazy glue; he obviously kept the helmet in a safe place, but the googly eyes were discordant with his image. They appreciated it, but it makes it funnier to see the Riddle trying to guess the new password that was put on his phone when his son hacked it.

Or when the reader paid Clayface to act like him so he could sneak into the Gala kitchen so he could eat all the mini sausages and convince the chefs to give him a whole tub of ice cream.

They love to watch you play sweet, innocent pranks. It means you've already bonded with them and have the confidence to make them around you.

Of course, always watched, and if some villain wants to take replesarias… let's say they do not hesitate that one or another punch falls on them.

It was just their sweet little boy trying to have fun

[obeiii-mee]

Hello! Can I request an hc about a shady MC who's not phase by anything in Devildom with the brothers (and Diavolo?? he deserves love!!!)? Like, when Luci's like "i CaN KiLL yOu hUmAN", MC's reaction was like "Oh... congratulations then." i need more shady mc who may or may not be planning to ruin your life😂😂 Thanks and take care!!❤❤

The Brothers + Diavolo with an MC that is not phased by DevilDom

__________________________________

Pls I need more shady MC, they would not take any shit from the brothers. Put any Gen Z-er with these guys and you’ve got yourself a suicidal and reckless human exchange student.

They wouldn’t know what to do with one of those ahaksbakanhaka you’re right, Diavolo deserves all the love >:(((((((

You better take care too >:( thanks for sending me this big brain request. I’ve been preoccupied with other projects so I took a while to get to this ask. Hope you’re doing OK💙

____________________________________

Lucifer:

-He thought having a human exchange student was going to be bad enough as it is but this…..this was so much worse than he could have ever imagined

-The moment you arrived, he already knew you were going to be a problem child and a persistent one at that

-Literally the first thing you asked him was : “Why do you look like an off-brand Levi Ackerman?”

-And he was left there, astounded, confused and offended because he had no idea who you were talking about (cuz at that point you hadn’t met the third eldest) and the tone you had was, frankly, pissing him off

-You kept wondering off on your own????? Without looking like you gave a shit even though you almost walked into a butcher’s shop that specialises in human meat???? Tf MC?

-Also really irritated that you couldn’t be intimidated and that DevilDom was like a playground to you, for some reason? Like, MC get out of the fiery pits of eternally tormented souls- this is Hell, not the McDonald’s ball pit ffs

-Things did not improve for him lmao, by the end of the first week he had already ripped out a good chunk of his hair because of you

-“MC, you should know by now provoking demons like this for no good reason is only going to make life harder for you. Keep this up and you’ll get killed in no time because of your behaviour.”

-“Great, can we have a hip-hip and a hurray?”

-In the span of one day, he’s had to come to your rescue six times (approximately) because you’re too nonchalant about your surroundings around literal creatures of hell

-He doesn’t have enough coffee or will to live for this bs

-“Lucifer, I found this dead plant and brought it here because it reminded me of you.”

-“…..sigh. Why? Why does it remind you of me?”

-“Because it’s cold and unresponsive.”

-He made the consecutive decision to ignore you

-(low-key kept the plant tho)

-Honestly, you get on his nerves a lot and he has definitely contemplated killing you in the past but at the end of the day he really can’t bring himself to do it

-We both know he tried a few times lmfao

-“I will tear you limb from limb, human-“

-“Can I finish my tea first.”

-“You…wait, what?”

-“You’re crazy if you think I’m letting this tea get cold. Try to kill time before I’m done and I’ll smash this cup against your head.”

-If you try hard enough, you might even elicit a laugh out of him, especially if your shadiness is directed at any of his brother which results in him patting your head affectionately

-Nowadays he’s just concerned because you seemed to have made an alliance of sorts with Belphagour and Satan and that’s not a good sign

-For his sake, if not yours, at least try to survive the year without getting chomped on by a random demon please

-He’s too stubborn to let you die just because you’re unbothered by everything so cut him some slack and help out damn it

Mammon:

-“Oi Lucifer, how come I’m stuck babysittin’ this stupid human?”

-“And how come I’m stuck with this asshole for a tour guide, with his fake ass designer shoes and no brand sunglasses. That’s a lot of smack talk from someone with crow shit stains covering the back of his jacket. Also, did you stick your hair in a bucket of mayonnaise?”

-……..

-He was so offended lol

-Normally, humans like you cower in fear whenever demons are as much as mentioned because of the whole “I can eat you whole” thing

-And here you are; insulting the Avatar of Greed and one of the princes of Hell himself just because you didn’t like his attitude

-Don’t worry tho, he warms up to you in less than a fucking month simply because you still come to his rescue whenever his brothers start insulting him and wow, look at that, his heart is now combusting on the floor

-“Y’all have no right to criticise Mammon when he has the most self control out of all of you.”

-“Since when does Mammon have any self control? He can’t keep himself from nicking anything that looks shiny.”

-“Motherfucker, I don’t see him trying to choke me to death, respectfully pls shut the fuck up. I don’t want to say I have favourites but if I do, it’s definitely him.”

-While Mammon’s in the background, with hearts instead of pupils in his eyes like ❤️👄❤️

-He doesn’t even mind running around after you anymore (will still complain about it though because your ass is in constant danger and he’s had enough)

-Honestly, you keep starting shit with random demons, some of which are quite powerful mind you, and you don’t back down even when he’s there to step in

-Would low key love to watch you fight one of your classmates at RAD and organise a ticket selling booth for the event but Lucifer will hang him a new one if he does

-So for now, he sticks to baring his teeth at the aggravator in question and you’re there, giving the same demon the middle finger

-The way you sometimes match his energy gets him so hyped up lmao

-“Mammon, did you steal Levi’s money again?”

-“T’s none of her business human. Now go away, shoo!”

-“Bitch, don’t ‘shoo’ me, I ain’t a bird. Now tell me, did you?”

-“…..Why do you ask?”

-“Because a new flavour of instant noodles just got announced, called ‘Super Hell-Sauce Flavour’ and I thought you might be more interested in that than wasting the money on gambling.”

-“….ok but only if you come with me to buy some.”

-This…this is true love right here

Levi:

-Oh no, now there’s two of you

-Why do I feel like his energy would match MC’s almost immediately? Maybe it’s because he spends too much time in his room on the internet like the rest of us do

-“What do you want, you stupid normie?”

-“300…..”

-“….300 what?”

-“300 mangas collected, thousands of episodes of anime watched, over 60 character figurines, plushies, body pillows, merchandise and several posters only to be called a fucking normie by a demon weeb that’s only known me for 10 minutes.”

-Boom, instant friendship

-He becomes attached to you almost immediately and now that he knows how unphased you are by DevilDom, he is seriously worried

-Hell, you’re making him consider going outside his room just to make sure you’re alive and not dead in a ditch somewhere because you decided to get on someone’s nerves that particular day

-Even during the quiz thing, when he almost kills you, you’re just sitting on the floor and awkwardly watching him as he throws a sissy fit

-Levi feels sort of conflicted with you because one one hand you’re good company and he loves having you around, you’re his Henry after all

-But on the other hand, you put yourself in so much danger it makes him paranoid so often to the point where he wants to keep you locked in his room and wrapped in bubble wrap

-Nearly had a heart attack when you almost walked right into a pit of lava like MC???? This isn’t one of his video games???? You’re not gonna respawn if you die????

-Besides all that, he gets a bit jealous of you confidence and your ability to just do whatever without fearing death or consequence

-“MC, how do you do it?”

-“Do what?”

-“How do you go about your life without a care in the world?”

-“I guess I’ll tell you my secret Levi. I’m not like other humans that’s why, I’m just so unique I do things differently.”

-“You sound like a pick me-“

-As long as you’re OK and not injured because of your carelessness, he’s indifferent about your behaviour and will even applaud you for your bravery when it comes to this sort of thing

-“lmao the human exchange student just dumped Solomon’s cooking in the trash while looking him dead in the eye 💀💀💀”

Satan:

-Your attitude towards DevilDom and demons in general kept him entertained, if nothing else

-You rarely seemed to consider how much of a threat that place really is and usually you were just running around, completely ignoring Lucifer’s rules and doing your own thing

-Which, you know, he’s all about

-I can’t say there were no incidents between the two of you

-With his short temper and your tendency to say things without caring about the consequences, there were definitely moments when he might’ve snapped on you

-“MC for goodness sake, what happened to my room?”

-“What do you mean?”

-“It’s an absolute mess! I just told you to bring me my spells and curses book, not mow through everything!”

-“It’s not my fault this place is built like a fucking labyrinth. You should be grateful I went to get it for you at all, I almost tripped and died several times on my way back. Also, you should get a new ladder for your shelves. It did the broken.”

-“MC….”

-“Yes?”

-“You are so lucky I love you.”

-Other than the fact his anger takes over him when things like these happen, he not so subtly encourages you to keep going because seeing Lucifer scowl at your antics gets him wheezing his lungs out

-I like to think Satan would be very impressed, even in the beginning, at the amount of nonchalance you can radiate at times

-I mean, you sure as hell don’t see it often and he loves how unpredictable you are more often than not

-If anything, he should probably thank you-idk how, but his patience has increased significantly every since you got here and he appreciates having some more control of his emotions

-“I’m gonna go put oil in Lucifer’s shoes.”

-“Do you have a death wish?”

-“Satan, I am old enough to make my own decisions and I concluded that this action is necessary.”

-“Necessary for what?”

-“Raising everyone’s morale! All of you seemed to feel down lately so I thought this would be fun for everybody!”

-“Except Lucifer, right?”

-“Except Lucifer. He grounded me from my D.D.D like I’m a fucking teenager who needs to be supervised-pssshht, I’m the most responsible one here.”

-“Yes clearly.”

-“Goodbye dear Satan, I may die today. But it’s for the greater good! (Dramatic exit with sound effects)”

-“WAIT MC!”

-“(pops head back in) yes?”

-“May I offer you my assistance?”

-You’re basically taking turns pranking his brothers and it’s hilarious

-Satan is not too worried about your well being simply because he knows his siblings and him are always going to be nearby to save you if you pull something stupid again

-Even so, he checks up on you throughout the day; just to make sure

-“Where were you?”

-“Running from a bunch of demons. Who wanted to go munchy crunchy on me, I assume.”

-“……”

-“Either that or people here are a lot friendlier than originally expected.”

-You can be such a handful and it really tests him, especially when he’s angry enough to begin with

-But despite your amazing talent at either getting completely lost around Hell, purposely walking into a prohibited place just because you felt like it or riling up others with how blunt you are, he still cares about you deeply

-You may be a pain the ass, but you’re his pain in the ass <3

Asmo:

-He should’ve known something was up with this particular human when you stood there, completely calm and collected, while Beel salivated at the thought of eating you on your first day

-Asmo just brushed it off for a while but it kept happening???

-The first time Lucifer ever told you off, you really went and said “Or what? Are you going to eat me? If so, you can go ahead and start with-“

-He came to your rescue and covered your mouth before you got to finish and before Lucifer unleashed his wrath on to everyone in that house

-“OOPSIE! I think MC has been spending too much time with me. Sorry Lucifer, we gotta run now! We have a party to attend, don’t we MC darling?”

-“You mean the one hosted by the guy that tried to kill me because I shoved into him on the hallway at school and then proceeded to tell him to go fuck himself right back into whatever hell hole he was born in before you came and charmed our way out of it?”

-“Yes.”

-“Ah OK. “

-You’re tiring for sure but you’re not exactly unlikeable

-You have a certain charm hanging about you that Asmo loves

-“I almost died like…30 minutes ago.”

-“WAIT WHAT?? WHY?? WHAT HAPPENED-MC ARE YOU OK???”

-“Yeah, I almost drank some poison today because someone told me it was water. It smelt off though so I didn’t.”

-“….”

-“Anyway, I got you this bracelet on my way home.”

-He really does wish you would take things a bit more seriously

-This is your life on the line, you know? What would he do if you died?

-“MC, you’re not immortal, you can die so much more easily than I can, you know that right???”

-“I don’t care.”

-“Well I do! And you should too….”

-A lot of people don’t see past his vanity tbh, because he can be such a caring person towards the people he loves

-The amount of videos he has of you appearing to be completely calm while pure chaos is descending in the background is pretty impressive

-Every time he uses his charm on you to try and get you to commit his sin, it just doesn’t work???? For some reason???? And even if it’s just with simple, innocent affection for now, he is determined to tempt you into it

-“MC~gimme a hug!”

-“But that’s social interaction and I don’t support it- do you have a charger for my D.D.D by any chance?

-Or at least die trying to ig

-Asmo loves having you around but you’re giving him wrinkles and that’s not okay >:(

Beel:

-The moment he realised how carefree you actually were, he sort of started checking up with you quite frequently throughout the day

-It’s his way of protecting you but if he could, he would follow you around all the time

-Becomes your body guard because you may not care enough about your safety but he certainly does so get ready to be carried everywhere

-You will not get hurt nor will anyone mess with you if he has a say in it and let me tell you, he does

-Thing is, his brothers mostly know him for being slightly dense in some aspects of day to day life

-He’s not perceptive of things that don’t involve food or his loved ones

-And because you most definitely are a loved one of his, he does notice how careless you are really often

-And it scares, rather worries, him because DevilDom is an incredibly dangerous place-even with all the precautions they had taken when you came

-“MC get down, you could fall.”

-“But Beel, look-I’m finally taller than everyone else! Taller than you even! Hey, should I do a backflip?”

-He has no idea why you thought jumping from 60 meter high cliff into a small river of squashed demon blood was a good idea but he wasn’t going to risk anything just because you felt like showing off your diving skills

-Proceeds to carry you away, completely unfazed

-In this case, I feel like Beel is not someone who gets bothered by the horrible things happening around there either

-As long as he has food and his family is safe and happy then he’s also happy, as mentioned above

-But he knows he’s alright with DevilDom because he’s been living here for centuries now

-A bit curious as to why you’re so unbothered

-And even more curious as to why you weren’t terrified of him transforming in his demon form after he lost control when he found out you ate his pudding

-Or more like Mammon did and pushed the blame on you

-“YOU. ATE. MY. PUDDING!”

-“Beel I love you but if you did not just see Mammon shoving the damn container in my mouth two seconds prior to this, then you might need glasses.”

-He apologised to you later for it but even so, you didn’t seem to mind like at all and he didn’t really understand why

-Unless you end up explaining why exactly you feel so indifferent about your life being in potential danger, he won’t really pry

-But now he has even more reason to follow you around like a lost puppy

-Since it’s clear you don’t really care about protecting yourself

-So now it’s his job to do it

-MC protection squad? Mostly Beel and Mammon

-ahhh he cute

Belphie:

-Oh

-You piss him off so much

-He’s trying to have his moment, you know?

-Finally getting that glimmer of satisfaction after killing a human as a way to avenge his sister’s death

-Trying his hardest to make it as miserable as possible because he has so much rage in him, he needs you to suffer

-“Harder Daddy-“

-“Oh fuck off.”

-Nah but for real, what the fuck MC

-Why does he even bother, he feels like he should be sleeping instead of dealing with your bullshit

-Even afterwards, when your future self shows up and he tries to kill you again, you look more thoughtful than irritated???

-Lucifer and Beel are literally holding him back from doing another Chocky on you and you’re standing there, looking at him with your eyebrows raised

-“Hey Belphie, I have a quick question. I know you’re trying to kill me and everything but do you like the colour blue?”

-“HUH??!?!”

-“It’s a simple yes or no question Belphie. Do. You. Like. Blue?”

-“WHAT DOES IT MATTER???!!!”

-“BELPHAGOUR, AVATAR OF SLOTH-YES OR NO, JUST FUCKING ANSWER!”

-“YES! FUCK YOU!”

-“Ah ok thanks. I like blue too :)”

-????????????

-Pls he felt like sticking his foot down your throat

-As of late, he’s kind of glad he didn’t manage to scare you away that day and that he didn’t traumatise you or something

-At the time, he was mad because he didn’t understand why you weren’t scared but now he just wants to make it up to you

-“You didn’t deserve any of that. I’m sorry MC, I won’t blame you if you decide to stay away from me now.”

-“Stfu dipshit, what’s gotten you so depressed? Did you have another fight with Beel? I told you not to eat the last slice of cake.”

-“Rude ass, I was trying to apologise for my past mistakes-let me repent will you?”

-“Said no demon ever. Now let’s go hang out you emo bitch.”

-Y’all vibe together on a spiritual level once that shit gets sorted out

-But he’s kinda scared you might pull out a knife on him ngl

-Obviously, you’re still annoying as fuck with that indifferent attitude of yours but he can live with it

-He appreciates the fact that you’re not scared of him, even after what he’s done

Diavolo:

-Ah yes, the future King of DevilDom himself

-He’s very enthusiastic about the idea of you having fun this year…..and to keep you alive….

-He, of course, expected a range of reactions from you when he first summoned you here

-None of which were “Ok but could you not have given me a heads up? Before the whole teleportation thing? I face-planted your onto marvellously polished the floor and now I think I lost even more brain cells than before.”

-He felt so bad gagajajahahwgehhsb

-He apologised for bringing you out here without any warning like that and then proceeded to introduce you to everyone

-Diavolo is actually kind of relieved to see you’re handling everything pretty well

-He thought that maybe DevilDom was too much for a human to deal with

-Meeting Barbatos also went incredibly smooth

-“Barbatos? The one that cleans the floors right? Big fan of your work, I could eat off the floor of the main hall.”

-He’s so glad to see you getting along with everyone and not getting intimidated by the brothers

-It gets him excited thinking about how the exchange program is gonna work and all three realms will be united

-But he’s not stupid so don’t think he’ll allow you to stumble around, getting up to all sorts of mischief

-He always has someone watching you because he would hate to see you die, despite being pretty fond of your carefree attitude

-“MC, please be careful. Most demons here aren’t all that nice.”

-“Aye aye Captain.”

-He fears that many demons would take your indifference as a challenge and try to assert dominance or something by kidnapping you

-As far as creatures of hell go, they love installing fear in people

-So he always keeps an extra eye open for you

-And he’ll be there to help you if something goes wrong

-But other than that, he’s pretty chill as well and he finds you so hilarious, it’s been a while since he’s seen someone as eccentric and dramatic as Mammon and Asmo

-Idk what else to add here, Diavolo is very accepting and as long as you don’t get hurt, he’s glad you can get used to your new surroundings so easily

———————————-

Al~

[bunnykawa]

what are you doing, step bro? (sakusa x f. reader)

summary: To your parents, Sakusa was the greatest son. To you, he was the best big brother you could’ve ever asked for, but you could only find that out with a little force.

a/n: i literally just started college so i won't have much time to write but i have some stories in my drafts that'll be posted in awhile lol. should i open requests for haikyuu drabbles since they're short but still entertaining?? idek i feel like no one is reading this rn LOL but if anyone is reading this, lmk ;)

(edit: I HAD TO REPOST THIS CS IT WASNT SHOWING UP IN TAGS so sorry if you already liked this post)

warnings: 18+, incest, mentions of drugging,  mentions of somnophilia, mentions of parental neglect, noncon/dubcon/rape, sakusa is a dirty pervert i just don’t know how else to tag this, degradation, slight manipulation

"(Y/N), this is your new big brother, Kiyoomi," your mother said, holding tightly onto your small shoulders as you stood in front of her.

"You can refer to him as your nii-san from now on." Locking eyes with you was an older boy with long black wavy hair, two moles on the right side of his forehead, and a white face mask on the lower half of his face which blocked his nose and mouth. How odd, you thought. You could tell he was disinterested with how his eyes were blank as he stared at you.

That was the first time meeting your step brother, Sakusa Kiyoomi.

Being four years younger than Sakusa, you two never really got along. Of course you had to respect each other, but there was nothing to really talk about other than when his volleyball games were or unfulfilling small talks. Sometimes he would make snide remarks, asking if you even showered when your hair was only slightly messy or if a smart word ever came out of your mouth when you stumbled over your words. Sometimes he was just mean to you in general to the point where you would cry. You always tried to ignore it, though. That was when you were younger. You couldn’t help that you weren’t that smart and he was your nii-san after all. Your parents would brush it off.

You celebrated his victories together, only because you had to. I mean, you were the younger sister of one of the nation's top three aces in high school volleyball. There was no way your parents wouldn't celebrate. He was their pride and joy.

Smart, athletic, incredibly attractive — everything you felt like you could never live up to.

Your own biological mom so obviously and painfully liked him more than you.

Before you even entered high school, Sakusa was old enough to move out and go to college where he continued to play volleyball. When he visited during the holidays, you still wouldn't have decent conversations with him. He would still insult you. It even made you cringe when you had to call him nii-san. Why address him as your older brother when he didn't even act like it?

But you dealt with it because you had to.

Fresh out of Itachiyama Academy, you're focused on studying for entrance exams for colleges in your area rather than what would happen if you ever had to see Sakusa again. But, you were expecting to see him very soon.

Gentle knocks are heard from outside your door and before you can respond, your mom is already opening it.

"(Y/N), Omi is coming today and he's gonna be here for a week. I have to go to the grocery store to buy food and I'm gonna run other errands so it's gonna take awhile," she says, leaning her head into your room. You respond multiple times with "okay" so she can leave your room sooner.

Textbooks and notebooks are strewn across your bed with you on your stomach, trying to cram as much information in your head as possible.

"That means I might not be here in time for when he comes, so you have to open the door and greet him," she adds.

"What about dad?" you ask with a grimace. The most you would do is say hello and scurry back into your room.

She rolls her eyes at you. "He's working late again. You know that, (Y/N)." With a sigh, you agree and she finally leaves your room after bidding you a "goodbye."

You can't remember the last time you saw Sakusa, but it was probably almost half a year ago. Ever since he left for college, your parents were even more distant towards you. They probably felt like they didn't need to worry about you because you weren't doing anything important.

When Sakusa came over, he barely acknowledged you and you were okay with that because it meant he wouldn't be bothering you.

But that didn't mean his blank stare wouldn't catch your attention whenever you came out of your room to eat or use the restroom. The atmosphere felt...very odd around him. You couldn't necessarily come up with a reason why.

Suddenly, you hear knocking on the front door. It had to be at least an hour or two since your mom left and the thought of who was waiting at the door made your stomach churn.

"Nii-san is here," you mutter to yourself as you got up to open the door. Right as you open the door, Sakusa was staring down at you with the same blankness in his eyes from before with his usual face mask. His hair was shorter than you remember.

Mindlessly, his eyes seem to scan your body before returning to your face, making you feel self-conscious. You were only wearing black spandex shorts and a loose tank top. Subconsciously, you rub your arm and step back to make space.

"(Y/N)," Sakusa acknowledges you in a deadpan voice. It's no surprise to you.

"Hi, onii-san. How are you?" You try so hard to be polite, but Sakusa seemed to have a naturally dominant energy that overwhelmed your senses, even if he also seemed to have the personality of a jar of mayonnaise. You step aside so he can come in. He wore gray sweatpants and a black windbreaker that was zipped up all the way. As soon as he makes it inside, he removes his face mask, stuffs it in his pocket, and starts unzipping his jacket.

"I'm good," he hums, "Where's mom?" He places the backpack he was carrying on the couch and takes a seat as you close the door.

"She's out doing errands and dad is working. Do you want some tea?"

"Yes, please. Make sure you wash your hands before you do. Thank you," he said. You walk into the kitchen, muttering "germaphobe" under your breath at his extra request. Unbeknownst to you, he watched you from his place on the couch as you walked around the kitchen, pulling the tea kettle out of one of the bottom cabinets and looking for cups. His gaze followed the outline of your ass in those tiny shorts that hugged your bottom tightly.

"What college are you planning on going to, (Y/N)?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm applying to the college you're going to and three others," you replied from your spot near the counter.

Sakusa actually perks up at your answer. "Oh, cool. You'll love it there if you get in. Only if, though. You're not the brightest."

You couldn't help but let your face fall in a frown at his seemingly small comment. Quickly, you compose yourself and brush off his remark. You got the water boiling in the tea kettle and reached high for the teacups that were sitting on the top cabinets. Your stepdad definitely put them up there.

A presence looms close behind you, which makes your whole body automatically freeze and tense up. A veiny, bulky arm reaches up easily to grab the teacups while another one snakes around you to pull your tank top down as it was exposing your stomach. You're not sure if you're imagining it, but you definitely feel something stiff brushing up against your back.

"You need to be careful. Don't wanna hurt yourself, do you?" Sakusa commented, leaning forward so his mouth was right next to your ear. A blush found its way onto your cheeks from feeling him so close to you.

He usually hated being so close to people. What was so different today?

"R-right," you stuttered, "Thank you, nii-san."

Confrontation wasn't a strong trait of yours.

You guess that moment was when it started getting really weird between you two. You still had small talks from whenever he would actually see you come out of your room, but you wanted to avoid him as much as you could. However, that was hard when Sakusa insisted that you drank tea together every night and, of course, your parents insisted, too.

Your nii-san wants to spend more time with you, they would say excitedly. Better late than never!

Maybe if he was showing the slightest bit of interest in you, your parents would finally care about you. So, with much hesitation, you started drinking tea with your step brother every night. Sakusa even made the tea himself so his poor little sister wouldn't tire herself out with carrying that heavy teapot.

You're still not sure if you're imagining things, but the tea tasted different from how you made it. And you swear that the tea didn't make you so sleepy after drinking it until he started making it.

"Come here," Sakusa would say with a smirk, "Onii-san will take you to bed."

You would pass out before you even made it to bed, but every morning you woke up with sticky thighs, only blaming it on sweating while you were sleeping.

Until one day, you didn't drink all the tea that he made you. You still fell asleep, though. Your brain was hazy enough to make you lose consciousness as he helped you up from your seat in the kitchen.

Sakusa laid next to you on your bed. You were placed on your side so he could slide under the sheets right behind you to press his hardened length against your ass. This was his favorite part of the night. He spent a few minutes playing with your cunt to make it slick enough for him to let his cock break through your walls.

You barely stirred awake. Didn't even move an inch as he caressed every part of your body, from your soft nipples to the sensitive nub between your thighs.

He pushed the elastic of his sweatpants down to his thighs quickly. His cock hit your ass before settling between your folds. A satisfied moan leaves his lips when he feels your wetness coating the top part of his shaft as he rubbed it against you. He hooked his arm around one of your legs so that you were spread open enough for him to fuck you and rub your clit at the same time with his other hand.

He wanted that sweet nectar completely coating his dick. He remembers the way you tasted and how you came on his tongue the night before, despite being blacked out from the little pills he would dissolve in your drinks. You tasted so clean and smelled so fresh. It was impossible for your nii-san to control himself around you.

And when did your ass look so good? God...Sakusa couldn't believe he never noticed how cute and well-shaped you were. You weren't that little girl he met when you were both kids. You were pushing adulthood now. Still pathetic looking, still too shy, still small around him, but fuck, he definitely would have pushed you over the counter the first day he came over and fucked you until you were crying and gagging.

He continued rubbing circles onto your clit and letting his cock soak up your juices. Gently, he positions the tip at your entrances and pushes in slowly.

"There you go," he whispers in your ear, "I know it's a little big. Don't worry."

He manages to fill you up all the way, making him groan. Your walls were tight around him. He thrusts in and out of you carefully, salvaging the feeling of your slick interior.

But you didn't drink all the tea, which means that you could wake up earlier than he expected.

Sakusa didn't expect you to wake up now.

You stirred slightly as you regained consciousness. Although your eyelids were heavy, you tried to force them open only to be met with darkness.

"Mmm," you croaked, rubbing your eyes. The odd feeling of being filled up suddenly made you wake up more. "W-what's going on?"

"Fuck," Sakusa muttered from behind you. You felt a hard chest pressed against your back and...a hand on your pussy. No, something inside your pussy. And that voice was so familiar.

You quickly whip your head around when the realization dawns on you. What the fuck is happening? While your eyes adjust to the dark room, you see two familiar eyes staring straight back at you. He stopped grinding his hips against you for a moment as if time stopped.

"...Nii-san?" you hesitated. His breathing was heavy and he stayed silent.

"Nii-san, what are you doing?" you asked in a panicked voice. You quickly tried to get up from your position, only to be held down by Sakusa’s muscular arms. His hand wrapped itself over your lips to prevent you from screaming.

“Be a good girl and stay quiet, (Y/N),” he whispered. A muffled scream tries to escape your lips. He continued to fuck you slowly, leaving a burning feeling in your walls. The same sore feeling that you would sometimes wake up to within the past few days.

For a moment, you pry his fingers off of your mouth. "I don't understand...Why are you...?" You yelped in surprise, horror, and pleasure as he delivered a sharp thrust from behind you. The smack of his hips against your bare ass made you cringe and feel so disgusted with yourself. Nii-san is actually inside me.

"My poor little sister," he chucked darkly. He suddenly wraps his arm around your knee tighter and forces your legs wide open, your knee almost touching your chest. Instead of putting his hand over your mouth to shut you up, he kneads your breast. His hands were so large.

"You think you can walk around the house looking like a little slut in those tiny shorts?" He stretches you open with his hard cock with slow, yet hard, thrusts. It left your mouth agape, but no sounds left your throat except for small squeaks that you couldn't hold back. "You stupid bitch. Just as dumb as I could remember. Fuck, you don't know how much I wanted to bend you over and fill you up with my cum like the stupid, desperate slut you are."

He was satisfied as you were barely fighting him. All you did was desperately search for something to hold onto and bite your lip because you were so scared. His words were painful. "Look at you. A waste of fucking space, only good as a fuck hole. Didn't even realize she was getting drugged and getting fucked every night because she's so fucking stupid."

Weak. That was all your brain was telling you, mocking you, as Sakusa didn't stop moving against you and insulting you. This wasn't the first time. It just so happened that this time you were able to wake up.

"I-I..." you stuttered, "I'll...I'll tell mom and dad." The sheets were gripped tightly between your fingers. "I'll tell them- mmmm...what nii-san has been doing to me..."

"If you tell mom and dad, they wouldn't even care," Sakusa said in a patronizing tone. The way his hand was caressing you made you wanna cry.

“They would!”

"Mom and dad don't even treat you like a daughter, (Y/N). When was the last time they told you they loved you?" Even if his question was rhetorical, your mind went completely blank. You can't recall a moment where they ever told you they loved you.

"B-but, this isn't right! You're not supposed to be doing this," you argued. It was a surprise that your mind wasn't completely clouded by how big his cock was and how his thrusts felt almost hateful.

"You think they would choose your side? You'd be ruining your own life. Maybe you'd ruin mine. And it'd be. All. Your. Fault." With each syllable, his movements became sharper. "You don't wanna betray your nii-san by saying something, do you?"

"You love your nii-san, right?"

You do. You love him so much, even if you tried to avoid him and he never said a single good thing to you in your whole damn life.

Because you have to love him.

You stopped gripping on the sheets to the point where your knuckles were turning ghostly white to brush away the tears rolling down your cheeks. Your body shook, from both crying because of Sakusa's painful words and how hard he was fucking you. The pleasure building up in your core was overwhelming you, making that intense feeling of having to pee forced out of you.

Hearing your sniffles and small cries, Sakusa pulls you even tighter against him, but doesn't stop his relentless thrusting. It turned him on even more. He pushes your hand to brush away your tears for you, like good big brothers should.

"It's okay, (Y/N). We both know mom and dad don't love you."

A loud cry erupted from your chest. Maybe if your parents cared about you, they'd be running to your room to save you the second you started crying. But, no. Sakusa was basking in the fact that you were hurting on the inside. After years of negligent silence, you were finally letting it all out.

"But nii-san loves you," he said with a smile.

Although his words seemed to stun your entire being, you manage to choke out a "What?" Like it was the first time someone ever told you that they love you.

His torturous thrusts almost distracted you. Fuck, why did it feel so good to have your step brother fucking you on your side like this?

"I love you." He sweetly grabs your face so you can turn your head to look at him. There was a pounding in your ears coming straight from your chest. A warm feeling spreads throughout your stomach.

"You...you love me, nii-san?"

"Of course I do." He was actually smiling at you, "If I didn't, would I be inside you right now?"

His face didn't seem so blank anymore. Sakusa never ever smiled at you. Hell, he never really smiled in general. Someone actually loved you. Holy shit. And he was even pounding away at your insides like you were a fuck doll.

Is that why he's so mean? Was he just trying to hide his feelings for you this whole time? You could die laughing right now. His cock felt so damn good rearranging your guts against your will yet you were struggling to accept it.

Your cheeks naturally puffed up in happiness as you smiled so brightly at him. The flip switched in your brain so easily. Without another word, Sakusa kissed you passionately, because he knew you would let him continue to ravage your body. Your hips began to buck from the pressure building up in your lower half and you starting pushing your hips towards him, welcoming his length inside you. It felt like you needed more of him. More of his love.

Love me.

"Nii-san," you gasped against his lips. His movements never faltered, which you figured was from his amazing athletic ability and stamina.

"Be a good little sister and cum on my cock," he coaxed. He could tell you were so close to cumming from how tightly your precious cunt was hugging his length and how you were squirming against him. You were both slick with sweat. As you started squirming more violently against him, Sakusa tightened his grip on you.

“I’m gonna cum,” you whined desperately, “Nii-san, I’m gonna cum!” You grabbed his arms and pushed your fingernails into his skin, making him hiss from the sudden pain. With a firm grip over your mouth, he muffles your screams. Satisfaction settled in your stomach as you exploded all over his cock. Your sweet juices trailed down your thighs onto the bedsheets.

As much as Sakusa wanted to, he couldn’t fill up your insides and see your hole dripping with his cum just yet. He quickly pulls out of you and lets his seed shoot onto the bare skin of your ass. The shock of your orgasm left your thighs trembling, your skin wet, and your eyes drooping.

“You’re the best little sister.”

You would’ve replied, but you could barely form any words as you lost consciousness again. When you woke up the next morning, you were fully dressed and cleaned up, with no stickiness between your thighs like how you used to wake up.

Sakusa actually cleaned you up this time. You felt your heart melt and butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

Everything seemed to go back to normal between you two, with the same small talks and not really seeing each other often, but he always had a knowing smirk on his face whenever he saw you.

Whenever his eyes would trail up your body to meet yours, you could feel a warmth in your stomach spread all throughout your body which forced you to look away quickly. Whenever he insulted you, you would feel your thighs press together. Whenever you caught yourself admiring his features when he replaced his face mask for a new one, you smiled softly to yourself.

When it was time for him to leave, you couldn’t help but let a few tears shed. He was all set to go, with his backpack on and his mask covering his face.

“Hey, don’t cry, (Y/N),” he cooed, wiping your tears away, “You know I won’t be gone forever.”

You sniffled, “I know. I just hate being here alone.” Well, not necessarily alone. You just hated being ignored and neglected just because you weren’t your brother.

“If you manage to get into my college, you can move in with me. How does that sound?” You instantly perk up and dry your tears with your shirt.

"Really?!” you asked with excitement. You imagine all the things you could do with your nii-san without your parents in the picture. You could go out together, hold hands, share kisses, just about anything. He could even fuck you whenever he wants.

These thoughts about your own step brother would've made you feel sick before.

But that was before you knew Sakusa loved you. Now, you couldn't help but ask your mom when the next time your nii-san would be coming to visit. While you were waiting for his next visit, you studied hard.

College would be so much fun with your nii-san with you!

Part 2

[obeymeshallwedate-latinplayer]

Chasing the elotero.

No estaba muerta, estaba de parranda. Well, that´s not entirely true… I got an emergency appendicectomy last week, and the university is taking my mind into a chaotic state, so wish me luck.

And I was actually thinking (while I resting in my bed) that it´s been a whole week that I don´t eat an Elote, or corn as you might prefer, but we don´t eat the corn sweet, we don´t put butter on top of it and then eat it. We eat the corn salty, with mayonnaise, cheese, salt, lemon, and of course chile. Sometimes the “Elotero” will come by the street with their car or bicycle ready to spread joy among us mortals. By notorious reasons I can´t eat a good elote, and yesterday Mr. Elotero passed in front of my house and I cried a lot. So what would happen in the seven brothers need to chase the elotero? Welcome my dearest readers to… “Chasing the elotero.” As always the headcanon is Gn!Mc. Enjoy!!!!

[The brothers stayed with Mc, at their home, when the human listen to the most marvelous sound of them all… the squeak of the elotero, but it was way to far away… or that´s what they thought.]

Lucifer:

This man is ready for anything, no matter what, at this point of his life with Mc and his brothers he can stare into the eyes of his father without a piece of fear. Truth to be say, he had this weird hunch deep down his guts screaming at him that he shall not be conffy in the living room, and it wasn´t just for the thousands of religious pictures that were in there… it was something else, something even more dangerous.

After hearing Mc´s scream, he stood up as fast as he could, and only felt the slightly warm of his human… And then… he ran as his life depended on. He obviously gets mad, cse no one drags him out of his comfort zone as the Mc has. After a quick explanation of why the elote is so important, he started to chase the elotero, while Mc screamed the name of the man ridding the bicycle.

They chase the elotero for at least for 3 full blocks, until the man stopped and looked at them all sweaty and nicely apologies to them, after all, he was an old man and his ears were nothing like, compared to when he was young.

Mammon.

As the fastest brother, he at least needed to win this battle… right? It´s the only thing that he can do better than the rest of their brothers but damn, the elotero was way to fast even for him, and taking his demon form wasn’t a good idea, at least not in your country where they could burn down your parents house, because there was a demon in there.

He tried to scream with you the name of the man ridding the bicycle, and he notice that there were more locals of elotes, while you both were running, and he asked you “Why do we chase that man and not eat in other place?” But as good Latin, you told him that loyalty comes first than hunger (This applies to basically everything you can think about: tacos, empanadas etc.)

After 30 minutes of running, finally the elotero stopped and… Mc notice something really important… They didn´t have money with them.

Leviathan.

He will not chase the elotero, he is a shut-in otaku, “Mc… Do you want to kill me?”

He stills don´t understand how he ended jogging behind the elotero, he was so slow that the only thing he could see, was the back of his human, suddenly the gap between him and Mc and the elotero grow bigger and bigger, he just saw how more people started to run with Mc, trying to stop the nice woman ridding the bicycle.

Thy couldn´t make it, Levi almost faint in the street, and Mc carried him back home, next day the third born couldn´t move at all.

Satan.

The strategy was easy, Satan needed to get angry and Mc needed to run as fast as they could into the direction of the elotero so the demon could at least eat that magnificent taste, easy enough. The problem was that for a strange reason Satan couldn´t get angry in Mc´s country.

There was no time for explaining yourself so you took the book he was reading and ran, of course he started to run behind you, you were so close the elotero that you could hear the song, you started to make a sprint, your legs started to hurt but you ignore the pain, and also you ignore the fact that the fourth born was chasing you.

Fortunately, you could not only scape alive from Satan´s anger, but you actually achieve to reach the elotero.

Asmo.

He didn´t run, “Honey, there is no food that is worth the sweat.”

Mc ran alone that day.

Beel.

He knew about the elotero, sometimes in his dreams he could see the bicycle, and even if he hadn´t taste before an elote, he could taste the most magic flavor. So, he was ready for this, he was so ready, he trained himself just for that day.

When you told him what it was finally happening, he leaves the posture he took while playing with your nice and nephew and in a blink, he was in the street chasing the elotero, he was carrying a backpack full of tuppers and money so he could buy everything and eat them without any complication.

He returned alone with his backpack full of corn and he ate it alone.

Belphie.

He chases the elotero, not because he wanted to chase them, nonono, it was because of Beel, their bond is really strong, so he could sense the cravings of his twin, and that didn´t let him sleep. So, he chased the elotero with the MC.

They ran as fast as they could, Belphie almost slide up in a curve, he also almost trip with a rock, the streets had potholes and he didn´t saw one of them. He is wondering how the elotero is actually that fast and agile, he really wants to step in the bicycle and sleep there while Beel is ridding the bike.

They couldn´t reach the elotero, and the both of you got lost in the streets, Mc´s mother and demons went for them.

Let´s learn some Spanish:

No estaba muerta, estaba de parranda: I wasn´t death I was in a party.

Elote: Corn. (Also known as choclo, mazorca etc.)

Elotero: Person that sells corn.

This is the bicycle, usually for elotes, tamales, ice cream, trash, you name it!!

[a-student-out-of-time]

//If voidswap!Kokoro and Makoto were to meet in the same situation that went here with Iroha and Makoto, i imagine Kokoro's first intention in getting closer to him would be to keep an eye on Makoto since he is super inportant in the future, since Yuri would probably want to keep as much distance from guys as possible, so that would be a job for her. But as she gets to know him a better and starts spending more time with Makoto she falls in love with him, and once Kokoro realizes what these feelings are she would be just "Oh... Oh god what do i do now-"\\

//This was a cute idea and I decided to write something for it. It got a lot longer than I was expecting, but I hope you enjoy : P

*In another reality...*

Is it really necessary to eat that much?

Why not? Is the summer festival, after all. 

*Sigh* Very well. Please just pace yourself.

‘Scuse me, are you still in line?

…And suddenly I’m not hungry.

(That must be him.)

No, please go on ahead.

Hmm…did Komaru want okonomiyaki sauce or mayonnaise?

Maybe you should get both?

Uhh, if I get both, my sister will probably yell at me.

Plus, I don’t have enough yen for that.

I have some if you’d like.

Wait, really? Are you sure?

It’s no trouble at all. I have plenty.

Well…thank you. That’s really nice of you.

I’m Naegi Makoto, by the way. It’s nice to meet you.

Mitsume Kokoro. It’s nice to meet you as well.

This is Kagarin Yuri, a friend of mine. You’ll have to forgive his attitude, he’s...

*Disgusted sigh*

…Opinionated. 

Uhh...a-alright.

Are you and your sister enjoying the festival?

Mhmm! Me and her really love festivals like this.

But when it happens, she’s also expecting takoyaki, isn’t she?

Uhh, y-yeah. Good guess.

You two could walk around with us if you want.

Thanks, but no thanks.

…Would you excuse me a moment?

Uhh, sure thing.

*Kokoro sits by Yuri*

Do you plan on sitting here all night?

*Whispering* Should I remind you we need to keep an eye on him? His role in things is-

I never agreed to this. You are one who wanted to get close to him.

Are you even sure it’s a good idea? Ultimate Hope or not, he’s still a man!

And from the sound of it, you’re still a child.

Meaning what, exactly?

Some of us are trying to put the fate of the world above our own issues.

If you can’t do that, I suppose I’ll have to take care of this myself.

Well...

He’s not dangerous. In fact, he’s rather docile, with no ulterior motives or indecent thoughts. His sister is indeed waiting for him. So you’re exaggerating, as always.

Just...don’t let your guard down around him.

Of course not. This is simply reconnaissance.

*She returns to Makoto*

My apologies, but he’s decided he’d rather stay here.

It’s not your fault, just his choice.

I’d still like to accompany you though.

Alright. I’ll go let my sister know.

______________________________________________________

Hey, I’m back! This is my sister Komaru.

Oh, hey! What’s your name?

Mitsume Kokoro. I met your brother while he was buying food.

If I had to guess, you would’ve preferred mayonnaise?

Uhh...y-yeah? How’d you...?

My apologies. I’m fairly skilled at reading people.

I could tell you were distressed, Naegi-kun. Thus, I wanted to help.

Wow, that’s...pretty impressive. You got that just from looking at me?

More or less. Some call it mind reading, though I admit I have my limits.

Ooh! Oh! Can you tell what I’m thinking?

Hmm...joy...excitement...something on your mind that brings those feelings...

Are you perhaps thinking of your favorite manga?

Whoa...

But which one?

Hmm...The Bomb Inside Her?

Th...that’s right...

That’s so cool, Mitsume-san! Have you read it?

I don’t read much manga, admittedly. Given your age bracket, it seemed to be a likely candidate.

But I’m glad you enjoy it. You both have very positive auras.

Auras...?

S-Sorry. I’ve just...I spend a lot of time researching psychology and human emotions. It’s just...a very interesting field to me. It must seem odd to be talking about this with two strangers...

Hey, that’s alright! We all have things we’re passionate about.

That’s very true. Would you like to share some?

Ooh yeah, sure!

_____________________________________________________

When did you say she was supposed to show up?

Uhhh…I can’t remember.

You can’t?!

I-I mean, I was talking to her for a while, but that was mostly about manga. Oh, but I remember it was around 4-4:30-ish!

Komaru…could you learn to be a bit more organized?

Don’t tell me who needs to get organized, bro! Have you seen your bookshelf?

Have you? You’re the one who goes through that more than I do! And when am I gonna get my books back?!

I told you, I’m gonna-

*Knock, knock, knock*

!!!

!!!

I think that’s her.

Probably.

*They open the door*

Umm...was I interrupting something?

Nope! Not at all!

Well...regardless, thank you for inviting me.

You have a lovely home.

Thanks! So what do you wanna do?

I’m fine with whatever you all feel like doing.

Hmm...what about Fabio Kart?

Oh, I’ve...never played that before.

That’s alright! We can show you.

_____________________________________________________

Uhh, make sure tilt controls aren’t on.

They’re not this time, I promise.

You ready, Mitsume-san?

I believe so? I’m sorry, I’ve never had a game console before. I don’t know exactly how this works.

Wait, really? Did your parents never buy one for you?

...

I’d...rather not go into that. Please.

Oh...I-I’m sorry.

It’s fine. You didn’t know. 

Mitsume-san...

I said it’s alright. I just don’t want to talk about it.

No, I mean, if you ever wanna hang out with us, you’re welcome to.

I’m really sorry that happened to you, but it’s all in the past now, right?

…Y-Yes. It is.

Things have been hard, but I have people I’m close with now.

Good! And it’ll be different from now on, I promise. We’re also here for you whenever you need us, okay?

I’m glad you’re okay now, and if you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to ask. You’ve got my support.

…

…R-Right. Thank you.

________________________________________________________

I need to go down to the store, I think we’re out of cup noodles.

May I come with you?

You sure? I mean, you don’t have to.

It’s fine. I’ve been needing some food for later, and I’m trying to save money.

Oh, umm…alright, sure.

*On the way to the store*

…You’re an interesting person, Naegi-san.

Y-You think so? I mean, I think I’m pretty average.

Well, you and I have only known each other for about two weeks, but you’re making statements about how you want to be there for me.

I-Is that a bad thing?

No, it’s just...odd to me.

Why, exactly?

Because you’re my friend.

Yes, but why exactly?

B-Because you are...?

…

I-I’m sorry. My curiosity got the better of me. Just...Just ignore me. Forget about it.

Mitsume-san...are you okay?

…

Hey. I don’t think you need to understand everything about why someone likes you or considers you a friend.

I-I don’t know that much about emotions or psychology, but I think that...as long as you’re having a good time with someone and you like hanging out with them and you and them just get along really well, that’s all that should matter.

And if someone’s hurting, then you should be there for them. Whenever they need you.

That’s what I believe.

…

You’re...so earnest.

I can’t say I’ve met a lot of people who say things like that and mean it.

Well, like I said before, it’ll be different from now on. I promise.

…

(Wh-what’s...going on...? Is this the suspension bridge effect?)

Are you okay?

I...believe so. Yes.

Naegi-san, umm...if it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to spend more time with you like this. Maybe not just at your home.

Sure! I’d love too.

Is there anyplace you’d like to go?

W-Well...m-maybe we could go someplace...q-quiet, preferably?

Hmmm...

The park is really nice in the evenings.

A-Alright.

…We came out here for something, right?

R-Right! Ummm...noodles, wasn’t it?

________________________________________________________

You think so...?

It’s...the most logical explanation.

Well, maybe it’s worth giving it a shot? Naegi’s a really great guy, and this way, we can make sure nothing bad happens to-

…

What’s wrong?

…Yoruko, I’ve been lying to him. Since day one, I haven’t been honest with him. But I can see it with him. He’s been so open and honest about everything and I just...

It’s not like you’ve been intentionally dishonest though. We need to be careful.

That’s just it though! Yoruko...l-look at me...

I...I’ve never felt like this before. I didn’t even know I could feel this way...I don’t know what to do. I...oh god, what do I do...?!

Well...do you wanna be with him?

…

…I think I would.

But what does it matter? He’s...there’s no way he’d feel the same, even if I hadn’t been tricking him from day one...

…Not when he knows...what I’m really like...

And what are you really like?

I...

*Yoruko takes her hand*

You’re one of my best friends, someone who’s had our back since the beginning. Someone who tries to do the right thing, even when it’s hard.

Remember what happened with Nagisa-kun? You helped him through what must’ve been the worst time of his life, and he’s come out of it stronger than ever. 

You’ve already been through enough, Kokoro...don’t torture yourself. You’re not broken or unlovable. Not even close. 

Yoruko...

Thank you.

You’re welcome.

So...I should give a relationship with Naegi-san a chance?

If it’s what you want.

…

________________________________________________________

It’s a nice day today.

It is.

…

…

*Kokoro quietly inches over and places her hand over Makoto’s*

Mitsume-san...?

Th-this is okay, right...?

Yeah...

…Makoto-kun?

Wh-what’s up? Is something wrong?

...I...

Wait...is the bus stopping?

What happened?

*Ahead of them is a crowd of cars, all parked on the street as the people clamor around, looking up at the pillar of smoke rising in the sky*

(This....no, this can’t be happening. I...Yoruko, Yuri, Shinji...th-they can...they can handle-)

*Out of the corner of her eye, Kokoro notices someone who isn’t stopping or slowing down as they run down the street*

...

No...no, no, no, no...

Wh-what is it...?

…

Makoto-kun, we need to get out of here. Now.

________________________________________________________

I can’t believe this is happening...

But...we’re safe in here. We just need to lay low.

...

Kokoro-san...?

...Makoto-kun...I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

I need to be honest...I lied to you.

Lied to me...?

The fact that we met...it wasn’t a coincidence.

…I’ve been spying on you.

Wh-what...?

Please...try to understand. I had no part in this, whatever’s happening out there. But...I was asked to keep an eye on you, so nothing would happen to you. That’s the whole reason I became friends with you.

What? I...I don’t get this.

Do you hate me...?

No. I have no idea what you’re saying...but I don’t hate you, I promise.

Just...please tell me what you mean.

...

It should’ve been really easy. Just...lying to you, treating this as a mission. 

I can’t tell you everything, just that your life is important to someone out there. They have a vested interest in keeping you safe, and they asked me to do so.

I...o-okay. And it should’ve been easy?

Yes. And it wasn’t.

Makoto...I’ve never met anyone as kind as you. Never. 

This must sound so trite, but it’s the truth: you’re the kindest, most honest and open person I’ve ever met. That positive aura you give off, all the emotions you feel and share so earnestly...it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before.

Those emotions? I can see them, every last bit of them. And all while I was busy lying to you.

Kokoro-san...

I...I’m sorry. You deserved better than that. I promise I won’t bother you anymore...

*Kokoro makes for the door*

Wait. Please, just...just wait.

…

Kokoro-san...I’ll admit, I still don’t really get it, but I’m not gonna ask you to leave, especially not now.

But...Makoto, I was lying to you-

Even if you were, it sounds like all this is hurting you.

Can you please tell me why? This...wasn’t just because you had to get close to me, was it?

Well...no. That was the plan at first, but...you and your family have been so kind...

I never had a life like that. I was...just a test subject. My parents experimented on me, never let me see the sun, shoved a brain chip in my head...and just being able to be a part of all this, something that actually feels like a normal human relationship...

That’s...oh my god, I’m so sorry...

…Don’t you understand, Makoto-kun? I’m just...there’s nothing good about me. I’m a mess. A cold, selfish, manipulative...I’m n-not worth anybody’s ti-

*Makoto hugs her*

!!!

I’m sorry, but I can’t agree with you there. You are worth my time.

Aaaa....

From the sound of it, you did this because you care. You made sure we both made it back here as soon as we were in trouble, you’ve been helping me and Komaru, that doesn’t sound cold or selfish at all.

Sure, it hurts knowing you haven’t been honest with me, but I can’t blame you. You’ve already been through a lot.

You’re...not angry.

No. Because if you’re this guilty and upset about it, I can’t see you as a bad person. Period.

And I mean...I have a lot of questions about whoever sent you, but those can wait. You said they want to make sure me and my family are safe?

Yes. I was the one they asked to do it.

And there you go.

…So...that’s it? Aside from a few questions, you’re okay with all of this?

You’re my friend, Kokoro-san. Whatever your reason for being here, I meant what I said before: I’m here for you.

...

Well...if I’m going to be completely honest with you, Makoto-kun, I...also need to tell you...

…I think I’m in love with you too, and I have no idea how to handle it.

Oh...

Wait...did I really just say that? Uh-umm...

*Makoto hugs her again* 

M-Makoto...

Life’s not easy right now, huh?

But don’t worry so much about this, okay?

Cuz I...think I feel the same way.

I...th-thank you. Thank you so much!

Can we...stay like this, please? Just for a little while?

Of course.

[keepthyfaithandthylight]

Frev people as videos in my “memes playlist”:

(This is more like a compilation of incorrect quotes)

Marat: [walks into industrial cooler]

Danton: “we’re seeing if the cooler is sound proof.”

Marat: [screams]

Danton: [wheezing]

Desmoulins (over an unconscious man): “ha, look at the buns on that guy-“

Saint Just: [kicks down the door] “this is the comedy police the joke’s too funny.”

Desmoulins, pulling out a gun: “I’m nOT GOING BACK TO JAIL-“

Saint Just: “how does it feel to be the worst cop ever huh?”

Desmoulins: “shut up your mother buys you mega blocks instead of legos.”

Saint Just: “you fucking take that back-“

Charlotte Robespierre: “how to deeply annoy your brothers. Harmonica, vacuum.” [horrendous high pitched harmonica noise]

Maximilien and Augustin: [screaming]

Robespierre: “aww, pigeonnOOO-“

[in a meeting]

Robespierre: [filming]

Danton: [dramatically roller skate dancing to Billie Jean by Michael Jackson]

Saint Just: [slowly skates up with a lobster in a bucket]

Robespierre and Desmoulins: “me and Michael woah wooooah, solid as they come, wöæo-“

Marat: “if you accept that the definition of a word is some letters surrounded by a gap, then xnopyt [screams]”

Desmoulins: “let me, I’m a doctor. Not really but I have a gun-“

Someone: [laughs]

Danton: “alright let’s see what my genetic.. let’s see let’s see. Chamoleon. The fuck is this??? [weird dog barking sound thing??]”

Saint Just, at the dinner table: “take away the bread, cheese, lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise and what have you got.”

Everyone else: “…”

Saint Just: “a fax machine.”

(Will update when I find more videos.) (this is the most inaccurate thing I have posted. Do not take this seriously at all. It is late. My brain cells are no longer able to be controlled. Now is the hour when if they bump into each other as they float through the abyss of my mind I have a thought. Please come back for coherent and serious posts in 3-5 business days, or more accurately, 10 hours.)

[well-shit-im-a-morosexual-now]

"Recipe for Disaster" sounds like a perfect title for MC and Mammon lmao

Human cooking channel youtuber AU! Hear me out!

Mammon's a model who made a YouTube channel to come across as more relatable and get more fans (earn more money). During his first ever video he makes a stew for lunch out of anything and everything he finds in the fridge while talking about what it's like to be a model etc. (Time is money and he's all about efficiency and that includes multitasking). And the concoction he creates is so bizarre that 90% of the comments are talking about his food rather than his actual modeling career.

Mammon has a nose for sniffing out the newest schemes business ideas if nothing else so his whole channel becomes dedicated to making bizarre food out of whatever ingredients he has at hand and feeding them to his less than willing brothers. His channel grows in popularity (it helps that not only do all his brothers look like super models they're also some of the weirdest people anyone has ever seen. Half his viewers are convinced they're all just characters that these guys are playing. Some of them have theories that all the brothers are based off a sin, kinda like that one spongebob theory. One of his subscribers swears that one of the brother's- Stan maybe? actual name is Satan and everyone else has just been hearing it wrong)

MC has a much smaller channel, at first they use it to talk about tips for photography (HC that MC is a photographer and all those professional pics of the brothers on Devilgram that could only have been taken by someone else was actually taken by MC) and then it pretty much becomes a vlog where they rant about one of their roommates (Solomon) and how he set the kitchen on fire three times during the last 5 days but still happily ate the burnt food (charcoal. It was charcoal at that point). It eventually evolves into a channel of them fixing Solomon's nightmare fuel food and making it something actually edible and this actually makes their channel grow somewhat. (And no it's not just people coming in to catch the occasional glimpse of their other roommate's shoulders)

Eventually Mammon gets a comment saying MC should fix Mammon's food.

He goes on a full rant about how there's nothing to fix and his food is good so what if it's so spicy one of his victims brothers passed out that one time that's just cause they have no taste.

He ends up watching MC's latest video then and ends up binge watching them all through the next few days and getting a stupid crush

Someone links MC to his rant video, and they make a video on how all his recipes seem really unique and how they'd never have thought of that by themself and they don't actually look hazardous to humanity as a whole like Solomon's food is but here's how you fix it so that it's actually edible and won't make you meet God

He sees this and isn't sure if he should be giddy because they praised him or pissed off because they tried to fix his creation. He obviously chooses the latter and rants about them while making something that looks suspiciously radioactive

MC replies with a video complimenting all the ingredients he chose and explaining them while simultaneously calling him an idiot for dipping his bare hand in boiling water to take out potatoes and ending it with a suggestion to get pot holders to drain the water and take the potatoes out after they cool

He replies with a video about how he's not gonna waste money on pot holders when his hand works just fine before he makes chocolate sauce and black licorice mashed potatoes and uses his bare hand to fish out the potatoes just to spite them.

MC replies with a video on how to fix the dish so the flavours won't clash while still keeping the essential ingredients but doesn't mention his hands

He gets a set of bright yellow pot holders and (to be on the safe side) oven mitts with little crows on them ("because your hair looks like a crow's nest") in his P.O. box.He uses them in his next video to make a batch of ketchup and peanut butter cookies

MC fixes another one of Solomon's messes that ended with something with the same consistency of glue stuck to their ceiling while happily snacking on ketchup and peanut butter cookies

This back and forth goes on for a bit, Mammon refuses to change his recipes but they still silently exchange gifts

Obviously their (now shared) viewers notice and start calling out for a collab

MC agrees immediately but Mammon refuses (he's shy fuck he couldn't imagine meeting them face to face) but the draw of money (not their puppy dog eyes in the last video!) makes him agree. They discuss the details over email and agree to do it at his house because he's got the bigger kitchen

They meet at his house and it's awkward at first because he's red af and can't meet their eyes and all his brothers are crowding the doorway to the kitchen and giggling but once the filming starts they fall into an easy routine. They riff off each other and move around the kitchen comfortably as if they've been working together for years. That doesn't mean they don't still argue though, but there's no hostility in it. Mammon gives out the idea of his latest recipe and MC plans out the specifics so that they can execute it. Since it's their first video they make something small and work together easily. Their spicy mayonnaise cupcakes turn out perfectly and are actually good considering none of the brothers are rushing out of the frame.

They are asked for more collabs and they do because they had fun in the first one. The viewers now have to watch two obviously pinning idiots being disasters in a kitchen together. (Just because MC can fix recipes doesn't mean they aren't a mess). They have to watch Mammon go from blushing and stuttering to casually offering MC his finger to lick when he gets icing on it. They have to watch MC going from lowkey flirting to pulling out brightly coloured clips and pinning back Mammon's bangs while his hands are kneading dough. They have to watch the brothers slowly warm up to MC until they're being treated like they've been part of the family from the very beginning (yes this includes viewers catching the first few seconds of an hours long lecture that MC gets from Lucifer). They still have their own channels but they also start up a new channel called 'Recipe for Disaster'. This channel also has vlogs of them randomly buying ingredients for their next cooking video.

Of course there are the rumours and speculation of whether or not they are actually dating, people shipping them, Levi comes up with a ship name, others saying how weird it is to ship real people. MC and Mammon neither confirm it or deny it. During the early days before they had a joint channel Mammon would loudly protest to any such claims while MC just fondly smiled in the background. And sure now he refers to MC as his partner a lot but he could easily mean partner in crime against the food pyramid.

Their viewers finally get their answer when MC one day walks out into one of Mammon's videos in sweatpants and one of his shirts, sleepily kisses him on the cheek and he doesn't even twitch as he says "Mornin' Babe" and continues with his monologue while they grab the milk and walk off frame. They don't even stop to think about whether they should edit it out because they've been dating for one and a half years now. But obviously everyone freaks out and just - Mammon reading the comments with MC looking over his shoulder:

"Heeeeey? Did people just not know we were, ya know, datin'?"

" ...that's weird."

"Wasn't our first video on Recipe for Disaster me tellin' them you were my partner?"

"Yeah weird...the Internet's full of freaks. Remember that time they all thought you were a demon and started mailing holy water?"

"Yeah, what the fuck was that 'bout? Stan got fuckin' pissed!"

I'm tired af & I'll do the rest later! Pls let me know what you think tho❤

[gotham-rat]

mostly batboy headcanons

mixing energy drinks and coffee is outlawed at wayne manor (thanks, tim) and jason has to smuggle red bull’s and monster’s to tim just so he doesn’t crash on patrol nights

it doesn’t matter how much money bruce has, or how much dick makes, because he still lives in a shitty apartment in bludhaven and the only things in his fridge is a half empty mayonnaise jar, two eggs and a pear

cassie loves to people watch, and has gotten really good at sketching the unsuspecting people who pass by her, she’ll sit on stoops and rooftops and park benches and fill a sketchbook with very detailed drawings of strangers

scars sprawl over jason’s face and body, of course, everyone in the batfamily has scars, but jason’s are thick, raised and very prominent, his smile is lopsided because of one that stretches over his right cheek and restricts some of his facial muscles

damian pretends he doesn’t, but he absolutely adores every holiday, especially ones with gifts. it’s not that he wants a lot of presents, but more that holidays were an unheard of tradition with talia. but at the wayne manor, everyone stays together for a few days, they laugh and give out gifts and damian can’t help but feel warm and happy inside

tim’s pride and joy is his three year old blue beta fish. he named it henry for some reason and LOVES him. what he doesn’t know, is that a year ago henry died because *someone* thought it’d be funny to put red pepper flakes in the tank (I’m not saying it was jason but...it was jason). bruce replaced the fish without ever telling tim. tim still doesn’t know

bruce’s go to spot for breakdowns is the kitchen. sometimes in the middle of the night, one of the kids will sneak down for a midnight snack, but will instead find the kitchen illuminated by the open fridge, and bruce sitting on the floor, arranging the different types of cheeses and softly talking to himself. the kid will quietly turn around and decide they can get a snack later

tim loves harry potter and is absolutely appalled by the movie mistakes, and his hatred for snape can make its way into any conversation regardless the topic. and he’s not a ravenclaw, he’s a slytherin

we know that dick feels a need to talk a lot during fights, because in his robin years he wanted to fill the stoic silence left by batman, and he’s the exact same as a cop. all of his fellow officers have resigned themselves to dealing with “chatterbox” dick, and have a list compiled of the worst and best puns he’s made while on the job

damian got alfred a #1 dad cup for his birthday once, and sloppily wrote “grand” in front of the word “dad” in sharpie. he pretends to be offended every time someone points out that damian is calling him a grandpa, but always uses it to drink his morning tea

jason still makes snarky jokes while in a fight, but has resolved to also quoting vines. he’s been teaching them to damian as well. sometimes, while a villian gets his ass handed to him by red hood and robin, a passerby might hear “HURRICANE KATRINA” and the screeched response: “MORE LIKE HURRICANE TORTILLA”

tim knits, sews, crotchets AND embroiders

for a halloween charity event, the batfam kids got the wonderful idea of dressing up as various baddies they’ve fought in really cheap costumes. dick went as two-face, tim as the riddler, damian was mr. freeze, steph was harley quinn, barbara as poison ivy, and cass dressed as scarecrow. it was all fun and games until jason showed up as the joker with a crowbar, and in reply to their stunned faces said “too soon?” bruce almost had an aneurysm

dick managed to buy himself some airpods and you can bet your ass that he went on nightwing patrol with them in, blasting his favorite tunes. he was very dismayed when he lost one while bringing down a mugger. now he only has one airpod and doesn’t take it to patrol anymore

bruce, who has never smoked a cigarette in his entire life, likes to be dramatic sometimes and puts an unlit one in his mouth, miming smoking it and being generally melancholic

damian likes to try and get servers at various wayne galas to give him alcohol, it rarely ever works, but he always puts up a very persuasive act and pretends to be a full grown man despite being 4’6 and having a rather high voice

with the public still blissfully unaware of jason’s very much aliveness, his death comes up in interviews a lot. his brothers use this to their full advantage:

interviewer: what’s it like to grow up without your brother?

dick: it’s hard, but sometimes, I swear I can still hear him.

tim: *wiping fake tear* yeah, it’s like he’s still with us, making jokes, being stupid...

interviewer: that must be hard, it seems like you all were very close.

damian: *mumbling* closer than we’d like.

[purplesurveys]

1274

Department One: Apparel And Jewelry

What are you wearing today?  Just a white duster dress. Very loungewear-y, hahaha. I didn’t feel like wearing shorts today.

What does your favorite shirt look like?  At the moment I’m obsessed with my Vante shirt. It’s fanmade but it was made tastefully; the designs aren’t too loud and I love the cute little shoutouts and tributes to his past paintings, so it had been a ridiculously easy decision for me to want to buy it.

What kind of underwear do you prefer wearing?  Eh I don’t really have a preference as long as I don’t find them uncomfy.

What are your favorite kind of jeans?  I’m definitely still stuck in my mom jeans phase. Idk man, I just love how they match nearly all kinds of tops.

What do the last pair of shoes you wore look like?  They were adidas sneakers. Not a big fan of chunky shoes but it’s an Ivy Park and it was on a big discount HAHAHA so I didn’t hesitate to get them.

How many shoes do you own?  A little more than 10. I love shoes and wanna collect them someday...just not today, hahaha.

How much jewelry do you own?  Not too big on jewelry; most, if not all the ones I wear are just borrowed from my mom since we share the same style anyway.

Do you own any real diamonds or other expensive jewelry?  Yeah, the ones I would borrow from my mom are pretty pricey.

Has anyone ever gave you jewelry as a present?  Yes, I received rings and necklaces from my ex. One of my aunts also gave me a necklace when I turned 7.

Do you like diamonds or gemstones better?  I just stick with diamonds...which is...also a gemstone too, if I’m not mistaken.

Silver or gold?  Silver.

Department Two: Electronics

Do you have a DVD player in your car?  Not in mine, but we do have one in the family car. I used to watch movies on there often but after one grueling road trip where my motion sickness acted up, I haven’t wanted to use it since.

If you have one, what does your camera/camcorder look like?  I just use the camera in my phone but back in the day I used to have a DSLR; that was when I thought I wanted to take up photography, heh. It was a Nikon D3100.

How much did it cost?  I’m not sure since my dad gave it to me as a present, but a quick search told me it would’ve cost him around P20,000 which issssss wow more expensive than I thought.

What kind of cellphone do you have?  I have an iPhone 8 with an LCD screen that’s deteriorating by the day HAHA. I really need to get a new phone.

How often do you send texts?  I text just for work purposes now, so it really depends on how busy my accounts are. Some days would require me to send out more texts than usual.

Do you have your own computer or does your family share?  I have my own laptop. My workplace also provided me with what’s supposed to be my work laptop, but they had it sent to me when I was already a couple of months into my job and all my needed files and programs were already in my personal laptop. Since I was too lazy to start everything all over again, I’ve never actually used the work laptop haha.

How many computers are in your house?  We have three laptops in total - my siblings and I each have our own. Kind of a necessity these days.

Do you still have a VCR?  I don’t think so.

How many DVDs do you own?  We probably have around 30-50 but most of them are movies from like the 2000s that we just haven’t thrown out. Personally, I have about five DVDs of old films like Gone with the Wind, Rebel Without A Cause, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, etc, and recently I’ve been buying BTS merch so DVDs are part of that mix too.

Does your car have a GPS?  No. I use Waze on my phone instead.

What kind of iPod/MP3 player do you have? Haven’t used an iPod in like a literal decade. I use Spotify for my music.

How many songs are on it?  Spotify doesn’t work that way since it’s technically a database of songs.

What size is your TV?  Never bothered to ask/check.

How many TVs are in your house?  Four. Living room, dining room, master bedroom, my brother’s room.

What video game systems do you have?  We have a PS3 and PS4. 

What about handhelds?  Switch. I believe my sister also still has her DSi stored somewhere.

How many video games do you have?  Probably somewhere around 50-60. My dad and brother are content with repeating their games lol.

Department Three: Home

What kind of shampoo do you use?  It’s a Dove variant but I’m just blanking out on the specific name/what it does.

Soap or shower gel?  Shower gel.

What does your comforter look like?  It’s pretty colorful and has geometric shapes and lines.

Does it match your pillows?  Yep, they come in a set.

What size is your bed?  Twin.

Do you or your parents like to decorate the house with various things or is it plain?  My mom puts considerable effort in decorating the house but it’s nothing overboard that it feels tacky. There’s enough decor in enough spaces.

Does the furniture in your house match?  Sure. I imagine my mom would be very irritated if she felt something was uncoordinated at home.

What does your couch look like?  It’s a gray L-shaped couch. Gabie broke a portion of the couch’s springs when it had only spent its like first two weeks at home but surprisingly my mom has not noticed it yet; probably because she barely sits on that side.

How many does your dining room/kitchen table seat?  It has six chairs, though since we’re five one of the chairs is almost always unoccupied.

Do you have any fancy china?  No, my mom isn’t the type to collect those.

Do you have outside furniture?  Yeah we have a table and chairs up on the rooftop, if they count.

What do your curtains look like?  My siblings and I have pull-down blinds. The other rooms have these pulled-back gold curtains that’s accompanied by white sheers.

Department Four: Grocery

What kind of bread do you get?  Sliced white bread, always. Sometimes my mom will pick up pan de sal, but she gets those from a certain bakery and no longer the grocery.

What is your favorite kind of cake?  CHEEEEEEEEEESECAAAAAAAKE.

Do you get a lot of sweets from the grocery store?  Eh, nah. Not a big fan of sweets.

What kind of soda is your favorite?  Don’t like soda.

Do you drink juice? What kind?  I can take it or leave it. I wouldn’t buy it for myself.

What is your favorite chewing gum?  Doesn’t matter to me. The flavors last for only like a minute anyway.

Do you usually get candy from the check-out aisle?  Nah. Those are far more accessible so who knows who could’ve touched or tampered with them. Plus, I mentioned I don’t like sweets.

What is your favorite soup?  Miso or cream of mushroom.

Have you ever had soup when you were sick?  No. I don’t enjoy hot beverages/liquids very much so I doubt I would feel comfort from soup when I’m sick.

What are your favorite canned vegetables?  Not sure if it’s a cultural difference thing but canned vegetables kind of sound gross and I don’t think I’ve encountered those (I actually had to look it up lol). My parents always buy fruits and veggies as is.

What do you eat for breakfast?  Fried rice is a constant but my mom switches up the set of viands every time. Some of the meals she serves would be hotdogs, eggs (either scrambled, omelette, fried, or sunny-side up), corned beef, dried fish, hashbrowns, luncheon meat, tapa, and Vienna sausages. Poptarts or toaster strudels?  Poptarts. I’ve never had toaster strudel and I’m honestly not sure what that is.

What salad dressing do you prefer?  Spicy mayo.

Ketchup, mayonnaise, or mustard?  MAYONNAISE. I can live without the other two.

What kind of cookie do you like best?  I only ever eat chocolate chip.

What kind of snacks do you get at the grocery store?  Salted egg chips or Pringles. Not a big fan of snacks either. This survey is making me realize I’m way more into full meals than anything else.

Do you get the meat from the deli?  Er, we don’t have delis here. Too fancy a concept lmao. If we have them, they are most likely in those extremely upscale, boujee neighborhoods.

What is your favorite frozen dinner?  I mean my dad buys frozen meat, fish, etc, but the frozen dinner sets that I see in American culture, which I’m guessing is what’s being referred to in this question, are not common here.

Do you prefer frozen dinners to actual cooking?  I honestly can’t imagine how it’s filling, but then again I’ve never tried it. Personally, food made from scratch is still the best.

What is your favorite kind of pasta?  Fettuccine.

Do you eat meat? And if not, do you eat vegetarian meat?  Yes, I eat meat. I get vegan options if they’re accessible and affordable, but those choices are hard to come by here.

What is your favorite fruit?  Avocado is really the only one I’ll give a pass to. Everything else tastes horrible.

What about vegetable?  Broccoli, bell peppers, green beans.

Department Five: Health And Beauty

What kind of makeup do you normally use?  None. If I absolutely have to put on makeup, I will begrudgingly put on foundation, maybe some eyeliner, and lip gloss. And they will all most likely be borrowed from my sister.

Do you wear more makeup on special events?  Not necessarily.

What is your favorite makeup brand?  I wouldn’t be the right person to ask because I would just say none of them.

Do you use any acne products?  Mmm no, I just splash water on my face, really. I actually got into a conversation about skincare with my co-workers yesterday and besides the usual shocked experessions I get when people find out I don’t use products, they recommended I at least get moisturizer and sunscreen. Idk, let’s see but historically it’s been hard to convince me to invest in skincare haha.

What kind of perfume do you use?  I have one of Beyoncé’s perfumes, Heat Rush. I don’t actually know if that’s still in production but it’s been my staple for like a decade or so now.

Have you ever been on a diet?  No. I never really had to be on one.

What products do you use in your hair?  Shampoo and conditioner.

How often do you brush your hair?  Only when I have to leave the house or have an important virtual work meeting.

What do you take when you have an upset stomach?  Nothing. The toilet usually solves that for me lol.

Do you take any prescription medicine? Nope.

Department Six: Movies, Music, And Books

What is your favorite movie of all time?  It’s been Two for the Road for a solid nine years and it doesn’t look like anything’s on its way to dethroning it anytime soon.

What genre of movie do like best?  Drama. The more realistic it is, the better.

What was the last movie you watched?  It’s a Korean film called Be With You. I liked it and I cried waterfalls, but the ending was so rushed it was kind of disappointing.

What was the last movie you purchased?  I don’t buy movies. If I wanted to see a film I’ll check if Netflix has it, then if they don’t I just try to scour one of those illegal movie streaming sites that always happen to have thousands of pornographic ads hahaha.

What is your all time favorite band? Paramore. Do you still buy CDs?  Only from artists I’m an extremely huge fan of. Right now that would be BTS, so I’m catching up on all the albums they’ve released in the last eight years.

What was the last CD you bought?  I got the Butter album set, if that counts. If it doesn’t, the last full-length album I purchased was Dark & Wild.

What was the last song you listened to?  I think it was Permission To Dance.

What is your favorite book?  I haven’t found it yet.

Do you even like reading?  I used to love it a lot more, to the point that back in grade school I was known as always having a book in my hand. I just don’t know where that passion went.

How often do you read?  Nearly never. I mean...I do read fanfics, I guess; but I won’t count those.

Department Seven: Sports And Fitness

Do you own a bike/scooter/skateboard/etc.?  We do have a bike at home, but that doesn’t mean I know how to ride it. We don’t have the other two.

How old were you when you learned to ride a bike w/o training wheels?  I still don’t know how to last on a bike without training wheels heheh.

Have you ever been camping?  Nah.

How often do you work out?  Nope but at work my boss just started another fitness challenge, so I’ll probably have to get back on working out soon just because I would want to accomplish the challenge.

Are you in good shape?  Sure, I think so. I’m not like fit fit because I neveeer exercise haha, but I also don’t make it a point to constantly eat unhealthy foods or have an unhealthy lifestyle to the point that it affects my body.

Do you go to a gym?  I do not. I thought of getting a membership at the start of the year but I’m glad I didn’t push through with it because all the gyms are still closed anyway.

Have you ever been fishing?  No. Idk if it’s my kind of pastime or not.

Have you ever been on a boat?  Yeah. My country has like 7000 islands so I was bound to get on a boat at some point in my life haha.

Can you play golf?  Never seemed interesting to me so no. Even on Wii Sports I barely picked golf.

Ever rode on a golf cart?  Yeah, in resorts where we had to ride them to be taken to our room.

Would you ever go hunting?  That’s an easy no.

What is your favorite sport?  Pro wrestling or table tennis.

Ever played on a sports team?  No, my school didn’t have a table tennis varsity.

Department Eight: Toys

What was your favorite toy as a child?  Cash registers because I liked the buttons. Also Play-Doh sets that had those contraptions that would squirt out the clay in various shapes.

Do you still play with toys?  Well, no.

Do you collect any toys?  I don’t, but I’m not opposed to start buying Funko Pop figurines of people or characters I’m interested in.

Did you ever have building blocks?  Sure, but I was never creative enough for them.

Did you play with dolls?  No.

Barbies or Bratz? Which were better?  BRATZZZZZZ

What is your favorite board game?  Scrabble.

Do you like to do arts and crafts?  Hell no.

Do you think that kids now have it better than when you were young? For sure, but isn’t that kind of the goal?

[lovemesomesurveys]

Department One: Apparel And Jewelry

What are you wearing today? A t-shirt dress. They’re so comfy.

What does your favorite shirt look like? All my many graphic tees.

What kind of underwear do you prefer wearing? Hipster.

What are your favorite kind of jeans? Skinny jeans. It’s crazy though cause I literally haven’t worn jeans at all for the past 4 years now. I live in leggings and lounge shorts.

What do the last pair of shoes you wore look like? They’re black Adidas with the white stripes.

How many shoes do you own? Like 6 pairs.

How much jewelry do you own? Lots of, but I usually just wear the same earrings everyday.

Do you own any real diamonds or other expensive jewelry? No.

Has anyone ever gave you jewelry as a present? Yes.

Do you like diamonds or gemstones better? Both are nice.

Silver or gold? I like both.

Department Two: Electronics Do you have a DVD player in your car? I don’t have a car.

If you have one, what does your camera/camcorder look like? I don’t have one of those either, I just use my phone.

How much did it cost? --

What kind of cellphone do you have? iPhone 12 Pro Max.

How often do you send texts? Not often.

Do you have your own computer or does your family share? I have my own laptop.

How many computers are in your house? Two.

Do you still have a VCR? Nope.

How many DVDs do you own? I don’t know; a lot.

Does your car have a GPS? --

What kind of ipod/mp3 player do you have? I use the Spotify app on my phone to listen to music.

How many songs are on it? --

What size is your TV? I think the one in my room is a 42 inch.

How many TVs are in your house? Four.

What video game systems do you have? I personally just have the Switch, but my brother has a few other game consoles that I sometimes use.

What about handhelds? The Switch.

How many video games do you have? I have 5 for the Switch. 

Department Three: Home What kind of shampoo do you use? Dove shampoo.

Soap or shower gel? Soap.

What does your comforter look like? I don’t have one on my bed, currently. Actually, I haven’t had one for awhile. I get too hot.

Does it match your pillows? --

What size is your bed? Full.

Do you or your parents like to decorate the house with various things or is it plain? It has various decor.

Does the furniture in your house match? Yeah. What does your couch look like? They’re gray.

How many does your dining room/kitchen table seat? We don’t have a dining room/kitchen table.

Do you have any fancy china? Yes.

Do you have outside furniture? No.

What do your curtains look like? The curtains in my room are black.

Department Four: Grocery What kind of bread do you get? Wheat, white, sourdough.

What is your favorite kind of cake? White cake, funfetti, red velvet.

Do you get a lot of sweets from the grocery store? Sometimes.

What kind of soda is your favorite? Coke, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, and the cherry versions of all 3.

Do you drink juice? What kind? No, I’m not a juice fan.

What is your favorite chewing gum? Mint.

Do you usually get candy from the check-out aisle? No.

What is your favorite soup? I’m a ramen gal.

Have you ever had soup when you were sick? Yeah.

What are your favorite canned vegetables? Green beans and corn.

What do you eat for breakfast? Usually over-easy eggs and Eggo’s.

Poptarts or toaster strudels? Both. What salad dressing do you prefer? Ranch.

Ketchup, mayonnaise, or mustard? I like all 3.

What kind of cookie do you like best? Sugar and shortbread.

What kind of snacks do you get at the grocery store? Chips and dip, cookies, and ice cream.

Do you get the meat from the deli? No.

What is your favorite frozen dinner? Healthy Choice pesto pasta, Lean Cuisine spaghetti and meatballs and spinach and artichoke linguine, Smart Ones scrambled eggs and hash browns, and Hungry Man salisbury steak.

Do you prefer frozen dinners to actual cooking? No.

What is your favorite kind of pasta? Pesto pasta and spaghetti.

Do you eat meat? And if not, do you eat vegetarian meat? I eat meat.

What is your favorite fruit? Bananas.

What about vegetable? Spinach, potatoes, broccoli, green onion, avocado. 

Department Five: Health And Beauty What kind of makeup do you normally use? I stopped bothering with makeup a few years ago; I just don’t have the energy or motivation for it. I wore a little for my brother’s grad party back in June, but that had been the first time in years and I haven’t worn any since.

Do you wear more makeup on special events? --

What is your favorite makeup brand? I liked CoverGirl, Maybelline, Wet n’ Wild, and NYX.

Do you use any acne products? No.

What kind of perfume do you use? I don’t have a perfume, but I have a beachy smelling body spray that I’ve been using the past few months.

Have you ever been on a diet? Yeah, a high protein one.

What products do you use in your hair? Just shampoo, conditioner, and sometimes detangling spray. 

How often do you brush your hair? It’s so short right now I can go a day or two wthout brushing it and it’s fine.

What do you take when you have an upset stomach? Honestly, a heating pad really helps me with that. Sometimes, though, Pepto Bismol might be necessary. Peppermint tea can be helpful for me sometimes as well.

Do you take any prescription medicine? Yeah.

Department Six: Movies, Music, And Books What is your favorite movie of all time? I couldn’t possibly choose.

What genre of movie do like best? I like variety, but horror, psychological, and drama are at the top.

What was the last movie you watched? The new Marvel Shang-Chi movie.

What was the last movie you purchased? I don’t recall.

What is your all time favorite band? Linkin Park.

Do you still buy CDs? Nah, that was many years ago now. <<<

What was the last CD you bought? No idea.

What was the last song you listened to? I don’t recall at the moment.

What is your favorite book? I couldn’t possibly choose that either. 

Do you even like reading? I love to read and do a ton of it. I finish one and go onto another. I’ve been really into a few different series by a few different authors and they’ve provided me with a lot to read for the past couple years.

How often do you read? ^^^.

Department Seven: Sports And Fitness Do you own a bike/scooter/skateboard/etc.? Nope.

How old were you when you learned to ride a bike w/o training wheels? I don’t ride bikes.

Have you ever been camping? Nope, and I have no interest in doing so.

How often do you work out? Literally never. <<<

Are you in good shape? No.

Do you go to a gym? Nope.

Have you ever been fishing? Yes, I briefly tried it out once.

Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah.

Can you play golf? I played mini golf once a a kid.

Ever rode on a golf cart? No.

Would you ever go hunting? No.

What is your favorite sport? I’m not into sports.

Ever played on a sports team? Nope.

Department Eight: Toys What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies.

Do you still play with toys? No.

Do you collect any toys? Well, figurines and knickknacks.

Did you ever have building blocks? I had Legos.

Did you play with dolls? Yep.

Barbies or Bratz? Which were better? Barbies hands down.

What is your favorite board game? I have many, I love board games.

Do you like to do arts and crafts? I’m not crafty, artsy, or creative, but arts and crafts can be fun depending on what it is. Nothing too complicated. I enjoyed it a lot as a kid.

Do you think that kids now have it better than when you were young? In some ways.

[exosmuttytalk]

Jackie

Characters: Kim Jongin x Do Kyungsoo 

Genre: AU!Fluff, maybe some smut at the end, but don’t know yet.

Word count: ~1600 words

Summary: Kyungsoo lives with his cat which is more problems than joy. Jongin has just moved into the house next door.

A/N: This is going to be a little series with an still undefined number of chapters to it. If you have read Guardian you probably know where the name Jackie comes from and I like you very much :3

I woke up in the morning getting my toe licked. For many people, this could a promising way of starting the day, but that was not the case. As the night progressed I had slid further down the bed so that my right foot was dangling off the edge of the bed. My annoying cat, who by then had been on a diet for a grand total of eight days, had a very early internal clock and knew when it hit exactly 6 am to come and complain because her breakfast is not on her bowl. I have to give credit to her though; she started off slow, just by licking my toe as a warning, before trying to open-mouth maul it.

“Fuck off, Jackie.” I grunted as my leg recoiled under the duvet and I pulled it up to cover my head.

Her obvious next step was hopping onto the bed and walking all over me. Most of the times, cats waking their owners up videos are cute and adorable, but that was not necessarily the reality.

Jackie came home when my brother moved countries to work and she needed a new, loving home. I wouldn’t say I fit that criteria completely, but maybe like 50% of it. Either way, she took quite a long time to adapt to his new home and at the beginning, I was barely able to convince her to stay indoors. That caused her a lot of stress and, according to the vet, she ended up eating everything edible she could find and hunt outside. Who would’ve thought cats could have mental problems as well. So she had to be put on a diet, the gate from the kitchen had to be removed and she started getting used to waking me up but sitting her whole nine kilo self on top of my belly.

I pushed her off me to the other side of the bed but sat up on the edge of it anyway. The alarm was going off in an hour and a half anyway.

I could feel Jackie’s fur brushing against my back, slyly pushing me off the bed. As I made my way down the stairs to the kitchen, she was almost walking between my legs, so had to jump off the last couple steps to avoid falling.

Her veterinary told me to buy a certain type of food that had to be heated up, so I killed time throwing a ball across the kitchen which Jackie would then lazily fetch around the room but never actually return. Bowl on hand, I tried to command her to sit, but she only looked at me with round eyes and meowed insistently. I sighed and put the plate down after giving a quick stroke along her loin.

After I got dressed and closed everything up so Jackie wouldn’t stand a chance, I went for a quick stroll around my neighborhood. I was fairly new to this place, having moved into a residential area from the business part of the city, but despite that, I had already made friends with the old lady who lived next door and who never seemed to sleep and neighbors on the other side, the young couple with a little kid who actually just moved away last week. I liked them all fairly well, but although houses here have a pretty sizeable lawn and are at a distance from each other, I could hear their cute baby crying during the nights at times. Sun was already rising when I came back home from my walk and saw a moving van parking in front of the unoccupied house.

…………..

Six in the morning. Again. I’m wrong, it’s 6:02. Jackie must have enjoyed sleeping in.

After having had a particularly awful meeting at work the previous day, I had come home last night and barely cared to cook, so I ordered a pizza and opened a plain can of tuna for Jackie. This morning, she would be getting a gourmet treat, as I was going to make small croutons out of the leftover pizza crusts and add them to her wet food. She may like the crunch, let’s hope she doesn’t crack a tooth.

I had only bothered hiding the crusts from her before I went to bed the night before, quite late after I stood up watching a rerun of a show from before I was born. Pillows were all over the place and the empty box was still on top of the table next to a couple cans of stuff I chugged yesterday. I decided it would be future Kyungsoo’s problem and groggily walked towards the shower.

Future Kyungsoo sighed so hard when he came back home at 7 pm and saw what the other guy had left for him. Postponing wasn’t really an option anymore, so I decided to go for a full room cleanup instead.

I was surprised when I moved the pillows around and Jackie didn’t come zooming out from whatever corner to fight me for it. Despite having a cushiony bed, despite my attempts at making her not do it, she always managed to steal random pillows and hoard them at different places around the house.

This was quite a big house, she could be hiding at the bedroom pillows instead. Despite that, I went looking around every corner and under every piece of furniture, to no avail. I was starting to feel a bit nervous, I thought she had already adapted to being home? My gaze wondered across the room until it found a window ajar. I had opened a little this morning to let the steam of the shower come out and forgot to close it. And Jackie had probably jumped out through it. Despite her weight, Jackie was still pretty agile, and there was a tree branch reaching out not far from the windowsill.

Shit, shit, shit. I ran downstairs and hurriedly opened the kitchen door that led to the backyard. I turned the lights on but they couldn’t do much against the darkness of late fall evenings. I pulled out my phone to turn the flashlight on and started calling for Jackie. My voice rose as I looked around the bushes and found nothing. I heard movement behind me but it turned out to be nothing but a squirrel that was lucky Jackie wasn’t around.

“Hey!” A voice not higher than a talking tone said from behind the right side fencing. “I think this is may be yours.”

I rushed to the fence and as soon as I glanced over it I saw Jackie delicately sitting down on top of the only cushion on the whole porch swing. That little shit.

The second thing I noticed was the guy who had given me the heads up. He looked to be around my age, had light brown hair, slightly tanned skin and was wearing what seemed to be loungewear in old sweatpants and an oversized, seemingly fluffy dark red jumper.

“I was just here having a beer and her cute head popped up from that hole over there!” The new guy pointed at a hole in the fence that indeed connected both houses.

“Oh. I’ll have to get that repaired…”

“I can do it, don’t worry.”

“I wouldn’t want to waste your time…”

“You’re not. We just moved in and I still need to find a job here, so in the meantime I have plenty of it.” He smiled brightly at me and he seemed so self assured I didn’t want to refuse anymore.

“I’m sorry, she shouldn’t be out, but she sneaked through a window I left open. May I come in and pick her up?”

“Oh, don’t worry, I can do that for you.” Then, as if it was as easy as picking up a flower, he walked up to Jackie and picked her up. With both arms. And she even dared to cuddle up against him.

He then handed her to me over the fence, cupping her butt and tail with his big hand in order to avoid her scratching herself against the wood.

“She never lets anyone pick her up so easily.”

“Ahh, it’s a she! I was calling her a good guy when he was sitting with me. I’m sure she’s liked the food, though.”

“The food? Which food?”

“Well, she was just chilling around the yard, so I went in to take the beer. She was on top of the table and already biting some of the food, so I figured since it was already ruined, it didn’t matter if she ate more,” he shrugged. “She seemed to like it.”

“How can you just go around feeding other people’s pet like that? What if they’re sick or allergic?”

“Oh, mmm… I’m sorry! I didn’t know it was your cat and not just any street cat. Cats can eat all food, right?”

“What did she eat?”

“Almost half a chicken sandwich. Roasted chicken, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise and cheese,” he recited looking anxious. Roasted chicken and vegetables wasn’t the worst option.

“I tried to feed her a chip as well, but she didn’t take it.”

The look on my face must have been unpleasant enough to make him falter a bit.

“I’m really sorry! Do you think she’s going to be okay? How can I make it up to you?”

 “It’s alright,” I said as I started to make my way back home. “She’ll be fine. I’ll make sure to lock the windows properly next time.”

___________________

Jackie II

MASTERLIST!?

Other Kaisoo and Ksoo business

Everyday   OC/Fluff/One Shot

Stories of my downfall      Kaisoo/Fluff/Angst/One Shot

Tag list:

@exosmutxoxo​ 

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

APH College AU Headcanons:  Sweden

Dw, I’ll finish the Asians before moving on to the Nordics, I just had an urge to write Swe first. Explanation post here, AU tag is #college au musings on my blog!

- Architecture and design major

- As a hobby, he makes decorative and functional wood and clay figurines and furniture designs in the Scandinavian minimalism style.

- He usually makes smol animal figurines like this because they are smooth and curved with no sharp lines, friendly looking, and add nice, subtle touches to interior spaces. (But mostly, I just really like this headcanon because of the juxtaposition between a tall, intimidating looking guy working very diligently and quietly on small arts and crafts that could even be considered cute. It’s a nice image, and I think it’s fitting for Sweden’s character.)

- Decided to open an Etsy for his crafts and stuff (might as well try to support himself with his hobby). For each piece, there’s usually only one in stock because he makes everything by hand, so there aren’t any duplicates and every item he sells is slightly different. His shop is actually a lot more popular than his freelance work (see next hc); he thinks it’s sadly ironic his hobby is more useful than what he actually plans to do for a living :’) but he usually just takes it in stride and often reminds himself that he’s lucky to even have a hobby he can support himself with, and he doesn’t mind pivoting and making a living out of his Etsy.

- Trying to work freelance as a logo/graphic designer (he is an architecture student, but I don’t think many people would hire a college kid to design their buildings yet…). He’s still building up his portfolio, so he doesn’t have many customers yet.

- Lowkey dream job is to be an IKEA designer. Before you laugh, there are only 20 designers who make ALL the products they put out each year, so I’m gonna assume it’s incredibly hard to get a spot in the club.

- Really good at focusing, even though he lives in an apartment with the other Nordics who are very cHaoTiC

- Does fika almost religiously (it’s a Swedish coffee break where you relax and talk with the people around you, catch up and stuff). He never forgets it, and usually asks or forces the other Nordics to join him. It might be because of having this daily habit, but he never gets highkey stressed.

- B+ to A+ range grades. He really picked a good major, because he has an eye for design and a knack for building things, which makes homework and projects come fairly easy. Not a big fan of essays and typing, so he usually uses the dictation tool/voice input even if it sounds like he’s talking to himself (Denmark teases him about this a lot). His English and science skills are competent, but not stellar (and he’s not really interested in those subjects either), and he’s better at history and math.

- Always finishes his assignments in a timely manner; if he’s cramming or staying up late, he’ll only need an extra hour or two to wrap up and then he’ll go to bed around 11:30-12:45

- Very healthy lifestyle. Doesn’t eat much fast food or ramen or snacks instead of actual meals, exercises moderately, usually gets enough sleep. Has his life /mostly/ together so far.

- He used to go to the school cafe for breakfast but now just makes a half sandwich from scratch: one piece of toast with vegetables and some cheese on top. For lunch he always goes to the same food place and orders the same thing every time: chicken salad without mayonnaise and a yogurt (ok I have very little knowledge of food so please suggest alternatives that are more in character)

- Eats wheat crackers as a snack (would eat Swedish crispbread instead if he could buy it)

- Knows all the tricks when using rendering and editing software, ex Blender or photoshop. Very skilled at working on the computer for digital assignments.

- He prefers to take notes by hand, and always has a couple smaller sketchbook/graph paper notebooks on him (for design ideas and structure studies) as well as a lined paper one for notes. His handwriting is rather thin and narrow but very neat (like this). Has sworn off using pen.

- He renovated the Nordics’ whole shared apartment almost right after he moved into it (at the time it was just him and Denmark in there). Remade it into a perfect example of Scandinavian minimalism, and it’s very pleasant even if the rest of the apartment building is kinda dingy However, all the Nordics have personally redecorated their bedrooms to fit their own aesthetic and Sweden has a bit of a seizure when he goes into Finland’s room and sees death metal/rock aesthetic everywhere

- Doesn’t speak often in class, but when he does, it’s a thoughtful, intriguing comment or a well planned burn

- Has a fairly good relationship with his professors; they like his work ethic, designs, and how he’s pretty mature (some of them also like his lowkey sass). He likes them as well because they aren’t very scared by his resting bitch face, and as a result he talks to them a lot and has gotten to know them well. He’s been highly recommended for internships by some of them

- He and Norway have roasting sessions as they look on at people (Denmark) doing stupid things (often while drunk)

- This has no canon context but I really want Sweden and Netherlands to be friends in this AU, so they are. They met through Denmark, and the three go biking together sometimes. Sweden is more uptight about stuff, being healthy and not being obscene in public and nOt SmOKinG NeD pls save your lungs, Ned does not care and goes right on smoking. But like, they both admire things about each other; Berwald likes Ned’s efficiency with money and how he can get along with many people (at least on a business level) and Ned is impressed with Berwald’s prowess in design. Also they are both tall and sorta intimidating and that is a good enough similarity for a foundation of friendship

- He hasn’t joined a club, but has been called by the art people, some theater people, and some other miscellaneous clubs to build props and things for them. He’s chill about it, and likes taking the odd jobs around campus (obviously he doesn’t get paid but whatever)

- Has a reputation for being intimidating and scary because he doesn’t talk much and his face definitely isn’t an open book for his feelings, but if people actually talk to him without being scared they quickly find out he can be very playful, or at least is gentle and very nice

- But he doesn’t spill all his secrets to friends obviously; he just gets more talkative and more willing to share about things he likes and is passionate about

- I mentioned before that he’s not highkey stressed much, but he does feel like his future is futile (alliteration!) sometimes and sometimes just gets tired of doing work and needs a hug

- Also, you can’t really tell if he’s angry, but his expression gets stonier and he gets more threatening. Usually happens when someone insults one of his brothers or when he sees something unfair happening

I have some more but I forgot my basic structure for these headcanon posts so take this. Taiwan is next! Thank you for reading, and feedback is welcome and appreciated!