#aspec too!!!

[buddieinmybeddie]

LGBTQ+ folk what was your gender/sexuality pipeline?

[trickstersaint]

i want to introduce you all to a project that is very close to my heart... or lack of one. anyway. for anyone who has ever wanted to play a poem. i'd like you to meet aromanticism

(link opens itch.io - she'll run on html in your browser! please be nice to her!)

[ale-arro]

been going a little bit insane about this sentence from Ace by Angela Chen for the past week

[cosmicredcadet]

Accept and support repulsed people or die by my blade

[aaaroace]

aphobia is so funny to me. like. you’re mad just bc i refuse to have some bitches and just wanna do my thing?

[tator---tot]

As someone who is aroallo I find it interesting (in a negative way) that everytime a non-canonically aspec character says something that either implies or states they aren't interested in romance, a relationship, or so on people default to headcanoning them as aroace, never aroallo, or just aro, or some other aromantic identity that isn't asexual.

Like... they didn't mention sex at all? They didn't say they weren't interested in that? It's fine to headcanon them as asexual but so many of these people are saying that whatever they said means they're canonically aroace which.. no it doesn't... once again they only mentioned romance how does that make them asexual? Why are you literally equating aromantism to asexuality? Why are you saying those things can't be separate? Those things can be separate, do they know that? Do they remember aroallo people exist?

[i-suggest-afam]

The justification for opposing “family should not be automatically assumed to be the most important relationship in someone’s life” should not be “well, some people’s families traumatized them”.

I could talk about how a lot of people with familial trauma don’t recognize that sort of thing as traumatic at all (the “what do you mean this isn’t normal? are you seriously telling me this doesn’t happen to everyone?” reaction). I could talk about how trauma is seen as extremely competitive, and how so many people constantly compare themselves to others who are “more traumatized” and think “okay, those people have the right to value familial relationships less. but I certainly don’t. I didn’t have [insert thing] ever happen to me.”

But mostly I want to say that this doesn’t actually do anything to challenge the relationship hierarchy. All it does is add an asterisk to that hierarchy. “Everyone needs to value and appreciate their family*”

*Unless you’re one of the “tragic cases” we’ve approved as being exempt

The truth is that no one has an obligation to their family. No, not even if they were raised perfectly. You don’t owe your family for doing that. They chose to do that once they had a child. That was their choice that you don’t need to pay for with love. Putting familial relationships on a pedestal isn’t any more justified than putting romantic or sexual relationships on a pedestal.

It’s like if the justification against the amatonormative centering of romantic relationships was “some people are stuck in abusive relationships because they don’t know they are allowed to not have a relationship”. That would be a positive benefit of anti-amatonormativity. And those perspectives do need to be shared. But true breakdown of the centering of romantic relationships means that someone can be offered a relationship by a “perfect partner” and still be valid in turning that down if that’s not the kind of relationship they want in their life.

The same goes for the breakdown of “family first”.

[knifearo]

i don't hear many people talk about the intersection between gender and sexuality when it comes to aspec identities but personally i feel that my aromanticism is a distinct aspect of my gender identity and presentation and it's one of my favorite things about myself. the truth about the constructs of gender and sexuality is that they are inextricably intertwined at nearly all stages. the expectation of a relationship, the expectation of wanting others and being wanted in return, is baked into how you interact with others, and therefore how you present yourself. gay people present themselves differently than straight people because they are doing the performance of gender for a different audience. we access our own personal constructions of gender primarily through how we interact with others, how we compare and contrast with others' genders, and so much of gendered interactions is built around heteronormativity or going against heteronormativity that our own personal constructs of sexuality and attraction are woven through it all as well. and exempting myself from the expectations of sexuality and attraction—eliminating the audience from my performance of gender—is kind of. crazy. i'm transsexual in the way that i have no connection to either gender in ANY way. the binary means nothing to me because i neither belong to nor desire any aspect of either gender. for me this means that i get to pick and choose whatever aspects i think are sexiest from either expectation and put on the best damn talent show this town has ever seen (i have no desire to engage in any kind of romantic or sexual activities, but i find it entertaining to be desirable and unattainable), which is both extremely freeing (hell yeah. opened up all of the customization options on the character design menu) and fucking FUN. it's a performance and i'm getting the oscar in categories they haven't even invented yet. it's a competition and i'm fucking winning. it doesn't matter what people want or expect from me because i don't want them and i don't want to be like them. there's a huge gorgeous world out there and i am the most beautiful thing in it. truly one of the most fantastic and fascinating things about being aro to me

[natalinova]

Being repulsed is really fucking weird. Not wanting to see people kiss, being uncomfortable when witnessing romantic displays, that's all associated with childishness. I've genuinely thought there was something wrong with me or that I was a bad friend for not wanting to hear about my friend's new boyfriend for hours. Or that not liking to see my friend and her girlfriend kiss meant I was jealous somehow.

It's very alienating and othering and simply confusing because most of us go through this for years before discovering there's a word for it and other people feel this way.

[ace-does-stuff]

i am once again thinking about how there is effectively speaking no space for displays of creative works that celebrate and interact with aromantic allosexuality within fandom

[anistarrose]

friendly but firm reminder that "a-spec and aro-spec" is redundant at best, and misleading at worst — a-spec is an umbrella term that includes aro-spec! you're likely looking for either "ace-spec and aro-spec," or simply just "a-spec." aro-specs are a part of the a-spec community!

[queerum]

aromantics are way too comfortable implying friendship is the most valuable part of life to bitch about alloros doing the same thing with romance

[cosmicredcadet]

"Why is all aspec representation in media AROACE rep?" and is the aroace rep in the room with us right now?

[runwiththerain]

i think alot of aroaces are kinda ignorant of other parts of the aspec community

[dykespec]

guys. aspec includes aromantic. it means aro and ace spectrums. ignoring the aro part of an aroace spectrum post because YOU aren’t aro is fucked up. can we stop doing this please

[kiwinatorwaffles]

i need you guys to understand. aroace/queerplatonic situationships can go fucking crazy in ways so unique and devastating. just imagine all the parts of a situationship: uncertainty of labels, leading on, mixed signals, advances without resolution, etc. but add on the fact that labels and defining a relationship are difficult to begin with for many aroaces and also you KNOW it’s not romantic or even sexual but what is it? is this a deeper connection? or does it mean nothing? do they want to be your friend or something different? there is no easy way to explain it even with terms like partner or boyfriend/girlfriend or casual. that adds an extra layer onto not knowing if they see you the same way you see them.

as i was saying if you want to give your aroace characters relationship problems this is one fun and exciting way to torment them. have fun in uncertainty hell idiot