#bruce asked him to come just to fuck with the kids and their bet

[redsray]

Wayne gala but all of the batkids were forced to go so now they are SET on giving Bruce the biggest headache ever while also entertaining themselves. read: they have a bet going on who can have the most ridiculous headline in the paper the next morning. some honourable mentions include:

Bruce Wayne's (il?)legal Ward(?) Stephanie Brown Claims to 'Always Have at Least Three of Bruce's Wallets' on Her Person. (With Interview! "Always have to be prepared, y'know? S'not like he'll notice one is missing.")

Eldest Wayne Son Richard Grayson Seen Falling Face First Into the Chocolate Fountain at Recent Charity Gala: Proceeds to Get Back Up, Laugh it Off and Return Thirty Seconds Later Unphased. (With Bonus Interview! "My hair just falls back into place perfectly, even after exposed to melted chocolate 30 seconds beforehand.")

Jason Todd-Wayne's First Public (Official!) Appearance Since He Returned: Everything You Need to Know, From Claims of An Alien Kidnapping to Punching the Newly-Hired Bartender! (With Exclusive Interview: "He looked at Cass weird. Creep. Should send him to those aliens.")

Bruce Wayne's Youngest Damian Wayne Denies Bringing Mysterious Pets to Recent Gala; Allegedly Does Not Notice the Hoard of Animals Hidden Behind Him, Including a Cow. (With New Interview: "Pets? Here? Foolish. All of my pets are safely in their wing of the manor. Do not disrespect their name.")

Timothy Drake-Wayne and His Gala Experiences: Wayne Middle Child Is Caught Falling Asleep At Multiple Tables During the Charity Gala, Claims to 'Not Know What Sleep Is' When Asked. (Bonus Interview! "Sleeping? At tables? Please, I have some class. What even is sleep? Is this a new social custom I am unaware of?")

see also: Timothy Drake-Wayne Denies Ownership of Skateboard Placed Under Bruce Wayne's Chair Despite His Name Clearly Etched On the Back.

Bruce Wayne's Newest Ward Duke Thomas Accidentally Spills Punch On His Guardian; Proceeds to Make Wayne Thank Him Because 'That Suit Was A Fashion Disaster'. (With Exclusive Interview: "That suit looked like it was picked out by Dick. That's not a good thing. It looked better with punch spilt on it.")

Eldest Daughter of Bruce Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Reported Hiding Behind Each of Her Siblings in Succession Throughout the Recent Gala; When Asked, Each Sibling Denied Seeing The Young Woman. (With Added Interview: "Fun game. Hide and seek, with paparazzi. Fun to scare.")

[qcomicsy]

Convos between civilians and vigilantes that I bet that happened Part ll

Gothamite: Honey why don't you come here so I can blow your mind?

Nightwing: You're very kind lady but I have to decline, I mean you're really pretty and nothing against your job but I don't usually pay for these stuff

Gothamite: For you baby I do it for free~

Nightwing:

Batman: Nightwing.

Nightwing: Alright, alright jesus.

---

Gothamite, squinting: Wasn't you who broke that tug arm that one time?

Robin (Tim), enjoying Damian is out town: It was my evil twin (lying)

---

Gothamite, who's also a stripper: You look like a guy who used to work here

Nightwing:

Red Hood (looking at him):

Red Hood: Nightwing–

Nightwing: So about the bodies found on Upper West Side–

---

Henchmen: Yo Bruce–

Henchmen: Bruce Wayne?

Henchmen: Man– he's hot!

Henchmen: Naah

Henchmen: C'mon you telling me you would't ride him until–

Henchmen: Naaaaah

Henchmen: It becomes a core memory.

Red Robin (on the top of the warehouse): I wonder if this fall will kill me.

Spoiler: I'll be right after you.

---

Robin (Damian): Don't be stupid that route will take forever

Red Robin: Not if we go around Fashion District.

Robin: Yeah, dumbass and it's a turn. We should go through Fashion District.

Red Robin: I'm sorry do you really want to throw Penguin's territory Right Now?

Robin: I always knew you were a fucking coward– Yes, obviously.

Gothamite: Not to interrupt or anything, but I'm still pretty much tied up right now.

Robin and Red Robin at the same time: Shut up

Gothamite: Okay–

---

Batman: Robin call the ambulance.

Gothamite: Please no I really don't have any money.

Batman:

Gothamite bleeding out on the Batmobile in his way to the Wayne Clinic: What does this button do.

Batman: You touch, you go walking.

Gothamite: Alright.

---

Gothamite: Ask the gay one–

Red Robin: The fuck you just said to me?

Gothamite:

Gothamite: I was talking about Nightwing

Red Robin:

Nightwing:

Nightwing really trying not to laugh: I don't even have the words for this one hold on.

The other gothamite immediately turning to Red Robin: You're GAY???

---

Nightwing doing his acrobatics on stores rooftop's:

Drag Queens from Bludhaven: Heeeeere he comes, *starts snapping their fingers in rhythm* work, work, work

Nightwing *goes along with it*:

---

The same Drag Queen later: Ever tried to add vogue to your crime fighting?

Dick, seriously considering:

---

Dick after implementing vogue in his crime fighting having the time of his life:

Red Robin: This is getting ridiculous I will have to kill you

Gothamite: Oh my god he's homophobic-

---

Gothamite: Do you think that Wayne kid is on Grindr?

Gothamite: Doesn't he have like a boyfriend?

Gothamite: Like that ever stopped you–

Gothamite: Stoooop~~

Red Robin unfortunately in a stake out:

Spoiler: Well are you?

Red Robin: Shut up

Spoiler: I mean it wouldn't be the first time you–

[dxrksong]

Jason 13 au memes part two

Bruce: *slams a door on accident*

Batfam: you slam door on Brood? YOU SLAM DOOR ON BROOD LIKE GROUNDINGS???! OH!! OH JAIL FOR FATHER!!! JAIL FOR FATHER FOR 1000 YEARS!!!!

Jason 13, calling Danny on speed dial: JAIL FOR FATHER!!!!

-----------

Kitty:

Jason:

Kitty: YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE BUILT LIKE A BRICK HOUSE!!!!!

Jason: to be fair, I forgot???

Kitty: speaking of which, hows that going out for you?

Jason: it's been....emotional.....not to mention the whord of shades trying to mother hen me 24/7

Kitty: I've been meaning to ask you about those.

Jason: I thought you wanted to talk about our relationship?

Kitty: we have communication rings, we can do that later. I'm more worried about the tall intimidating city spirit behind you.

Jason: oh that's just Gotham

Kitty:

Gotham: *tall black lady that can kick your ass* ;)

Kitty, sweating:

Jason: don't worry, she's nice. She's just a litte over protective of her kids.

Kitty: there's MORE of you????

----------

Kitty:

The batfam:

Kitty, surrounded by baby ghost cores like stray kittens: I don't know what's worse. How much they look like you or the inane urge to just adopt them all, oh nooooooooooo!!

Jason: now you know how it feels old man.

Bruce: *confused in bat*

--------------

Kitty:

Catwoman:

Kitty: crimes?

CatWoman: hell yes, kitten!

[LATER]

Jason: WHO THE FUCK DYED MY SUIT PINK?!?!?!

--------------

Kitty: you know considering my name it's a little odd that you're the one being all cat like.

Jason, laying his head on her lap while she cards through his hair: shut uuup, it's not like I can ask anyone else for attention like this. It'd be weeeeiiiird.

Kitty: *sighs* better hope you didn't leave your comm on.

Jason:

Kitty: Johnny.

Jason: I can't remember if I turned it off or not

Dick: you know little wing, if you wanted attention you could've just asked-

Jason: SHIT!!!!!!

---------------

Spectra: so are you still dating him or..?

Kitty: you know? We died basically around the same time and we were introduced to each other first before anyone else, so we kinda just stuck together. And really everyone had kinda just started calling us boyfriend and girlfriend, and we just didn't think otherwise to correct them.

Ember: wait, so you two HAVEN'T been dating??

Kitty: it was never official, if anything it was an ongoing bet to see how long it would last before people started to notice. We're more like.....siblings but not quite. Or emotional support ghosts for each other.

Spectra: that....actually makes a lot of sense. You two are hardly seen without the other and you haven't exactly been dead for long, so it would make sense you're still settling down from the trauma of dying.

Kitty: did you just psychoanalise me?!

Spectra: You basically gave it to me on a silver platter!! It's a force of habit!!!

--------------

Jason: hey squishy

Blob ghost in Johnny 13's bike: ?

Jason: think you can get this blob ghost out of my corpse-

Squishy: *Rev's backwards out of the bat cave*

Jason: ouch! Not even my own pet will help a zombie out.

------------

Danny: so how you feelin Jason?

Jason, sarcastically: oh just great, I've only had ONE murderous breakdown this week due to Zom!

Danny: Zom????

Jason: the blob ghost possessing me.

Danny: You named it????!

Jason: WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?! IT'S A FREAKING BLOB GHOST, IT'S NOT LIKE IT HAD A NAME BEFORE!!!!!

Danny:

Jason:

Danny: I'm telling frostbite-

Jason: Don't you DARE!

--------------

Dick: Hey, Jason? Can you come over? I need your help.

Jason, muffled by a humming noise: sorry, I don't think that'll be possible at the moment?

Dick: what do you mean by that Jay, and what is that sound?

Jason, swallowed into the shadows and getting fussed over by the shades: would you believe me if I said I got readopted by shades?

Dick: U Wot?

---------------

Batman: Jason, what's this about shades adopting you??

Jason: look I didn't ask for it, it just happened.

Bruce: and are they....good? Parents?

Jason: well they like putting me in shadow jail alot.

Batman: Shadow jail?????

Jason: not to mention the constant babying-

Bruce: WHAT?!?!

Jason: ?! Jeez Bruce!! Wha-

Bruce: YOU LET THEM BABY YOU?!?!?!

Jason:

Bruce: I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT SINCE THE FIGHTING STARTED!!!!

Jason: .....are-are you JEALOUS?!

Bruce:

Bruce >:'(

--------------

Dick: ok, so to recap! *pulls out a projector and a Google slide document*

Dick: Jason got reanimated by something going awry and messing with reality, accidentally reviving Jason. *click* He gets scooped up by Talia and revives him fully. *click* this leaves him with powers and uncontrollable emotional problems *click* apparently he can talk to ghosts and they are often friendly to him back. *click* so much so, according to Jason himself, he has been adopted by the entirety of the ghost population in Gotham *click* including the SPIRIT of Gotham herself.

*it's a vague drawing of what Gotham looks like*

Dick: any questions?

Tim: yeah, uh. Who's that?

Danny: hi! :D

Dick: no clue, next question!

Danny: I'm phantom! I used to beat Jason up when he used to go by Johnny 13!

Batfam:

Cass: does the Lazarus pit taste like lemonade?

Dick: no, it tastes more like sprite.

Duke: wait-how do you-

Dick: NEXT QUESTION!

--------------

Jason, 'living on his own':

The Shades: :)

Squishy: :)

Gotham sometimes: :)

Kitty: :P

Danny: >:)

The various bird and/or bat: :)

Damien: :

Ember: lmao I'm the older one now! >:D

Spectra: (usually only when Kitty shows up)

Skulker: (target practice training) >:)

Technus: (built Johnny's bike believe it or not) >:)

The box ghost: (this man has dad energy, change my mind) >:)c

The lunch lady: (every growing ghost needs proper calories!) :)

Jason: ...............I need a bigger house....

-----------------

Batman steps into the batcave to see green fire everywhere, Jason in his ghost form, and Damien trying to stab him with a sword.

Damien: it was Todd's idea!

Jason: Damien, you fucking snitch!

Batman: language!

Damien: yeah Hood, watch your fucking language!

Batman: DAMIEN!

(Reference to this)

--------------

Jason: remind me why you're here again?

Danny: what? Like I can't visit my favorite Rouge?

Jason: I thought that was plasmius?

Danny: he's my arch nemesis, not a rouge! He doesn't count!

Jason: if you say so. But why am I your favorite, and I'm pretty sure I no longer qualify to be one of your rouges?

Danny: dude you're the only one I can have a serious conversation about! Vlad's a fruitloop!!

Jason: yeah but at least he knows what he's taking about half the time.

Danny: psh. 'Half the time'

Danny:

Danny: you can still turn into Johnny, right?

Jason: I mean if I concentrate real hard I guess? But it'll take a lot of energy.

Danny: wanna convince Vlad he's going insane?

Jason: only if I can record it.

Danny: DEAL!

[igotanidea]

Rom-com, doubts and older brother complex : Dick Grayson x sister!reader

„Hey you, how was the movie?” Dick grinned with the brightest smile upon seeing his sister back from the cinema. Said sister however was far from being happy. “Y/N?”

“Yes? I mean, yes, sure, hi Dickie. It was fine, I guess.”

“Oh no.” he muttered

“What?”

“You got that face.”

“What face?!” involuntarily she glanced at the mirror just to check whether her older brother was serious or just trying to prank her.

“Please tell me you are not psychoanalyzing the movie.”

“Psycho…..? What? Me? Pfff, never.” She scoffed

“Mhm. Sure.”

“I’m sorry, what is your problem here, Grayson?” Y/N crossed her arms over her chest in annoyance. “Honestly I came home hoping for some peace and quiet and I feel so attacked right now.”

“Are you doing this… what was it called….?” Dick scratched his head searching for the right word “watcher insert!”

“IT’S READER INSERT!”

“Well, it was a movie, so definitely watcher insert. And you practically admitted you do.”

“I DID NOT SAY A THING LIKE THAT!”

“You didn’t have to. Like I said, you got that face.” He shrugged, absolutely not convinced and unimpressed by her yelling.

“Ugh! You are insufferable!”

“Part of my charm, you know that. Now come on, come sit here and tell me what got you spinning, huh? As a big brother…..”

“Please, spare me the talk about oldest sibling and all the duties that come with it. I can handle my own shit.” She hesitantly perched on the armrest of the sofa, but Dick was not satisfied with that and grabbed her by the waist pulling next to him.

“Come on, sis, don’t be stubborn” he pinched her stomach getting a slap on the hand in exchange “that hurt.”

“Serves you well!”

“Ok, I’ll stop. Jokes aside. Get out of that head of yours and walk me through it ‘cause I don’t get it. You went to the movie theatre to have some fun ….unlike someone we know….. and came back stuck in thinking and, let me put it simply, melancholic. Not really a normal reaction after a young adult movie. It’s young adult, right?” he frowned

“You got that one right.” She sighed “I … I don’t really know. I mean, this movie was as cliché as possible and only confirm my belief that it’s not for me.”

“How come?”

“You know… nice girl, A-grade student, not knowing the bad side of life changes the surrounding, most likely moves out of the small town.  And in the city, she meets a guy, a well-known trouble-maker and more often than not, a womanizer. Of course, she swears she wants nothing to do with him but after an hour or so, couple of fights and few misunderstanding they end up together, most likely in a X-rated scene. And after another half hour, some family drama or demons from the past emerges, but all ends well and you get those fucking singing birds, shining sun, doves and all that shit. I’m so too old for that. And I think I’m starting to get bored with such films.”

“Are you?” he looked at her carefully, voice turning soft not to startle her.

“Yes.” She made a face at him

“Y/n. You say you hate it, but …”

“Don’t you dare say it!” she jumped on the couch and jabbed his chest “Don’t. You. Dare.”

“I won’t. I’ll leave that to you. Come on, say it out loud so we can process that. No one else is here.”

“I’m sorry, since when are you my therapist?”

“Since Bruce provided all his kids with trauma and forgot to equip them with the specialist to fix it. Say it.”

“I wish I have a cliché love story.” She looked down and hid face in hands because of the embarrassment. “But I’m not exactly a material for it.”

“Why not?” Dick asked, grabbing her hands and making him look at her ‘is it because you have four vigilante brothers? That can go well in a movie.” He grinned “I bet Bruce would love a cinematic work of art about himself. Can you imagine the movie “Batman?” Two and a half hours of him brooding on the screen and saving Gotham, all while looking like a sad, tormented cat” he laughed and waved his hands around

“I got this at the manor whenever I want. And when I don’t want as well. So hard pass on that movie, thanks. Jason would love it though. It would give him an opportunity to point out everything wrong with Bruce. And Tim…”

“Nice try, but stop getting off the track. Why do you think you can’t have a love story?”

“Cause I can’t define myself.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Dick’s eyes widened in disbelief “you think you need to put a tag on yourself? My lovely, crazy, irrational, foolish sister…”

“Look Dick, I’m a mess, all right? I can do hundred different things, but cannot excel in one. I start so many projects I don’t finish. I am disorganized, got plenty ideas per minute and it’s extremely hard to keep up with me. I'm stubborn, hot-headed and always need to do things my own way. ”

“So?” he shrugged

“What do you mean by so?" Y/N frowned "I don’t have routine, and apparently I’m supposed to. I’m not the best version of myself, I hate motivational quotes and I’m not sophisticated or elegant or even close to it. Shit, I hate dresses and skirts, my make-up is limited to the most basic one and I don't feel like I'm woman enough.”

“Ok, stop right there.” He cut her off “that last one is bullshit and as for the rest, why in the world would you think that eliminates you?”

“I… It just does.”

“Why?” he insisted

“will you stop this interrogation! Let me remind you, you are not a cop anymore!”

“Old habits die hard.” He blew a raspberry.

“Be a brother Dick. Sock me for wasting your time or hug me, just don’t do this….”

“Do you need a hug?” he asked opening his arms

“Yes, please” she mumbled, diving into his arms and hiding face in his shirt, smelling that familar scent. “This feels nice.”

“Told ya! Oldest brother. Now, since we are taking the comforting approach to the problem… all the things you mentioned are those what makes you, you. All right, pumpkin?” he bopped her nose “you could adopt someone else’s lifestyle, but would you feel better then? Doing all those things that does not seem like they are yours?”

“No…” she muttered

“See? You just keep doing your thing, ok? Cause when you do something that makes you happy, even if it seems like you’re a mess, you’re just glowing and that is what makes you special, you know.”

“Example?”

“You were writing, last night, and you had that focus and spark in your eyes. Nothing but you and your ideas, put in words on the sheet. You were just beaming. That was you. You don’t need to put  a tag on yourself, believe me. It's not a competition or anything.“

"Really?" she pulled back and eyed him, raising one eyebrow "'cause you are absolutely not the one who would join The Bachelor, right?"

"That's irrelevant..." as much as he did not like it, her words made him blush a bit. (did she find that application form he hid under the bed?!)

"Let's agree to disagree" she grinned "I'll importune you for explanation on that matter later. And since we're on the subject, what about....?"

“Do you think me the role model on relationship advice?” he smirked, but a bit of sadness crept in “I made a lot of mistakes and speaking from experience, I can tell you just can’t hurry that. Just keep your mind open?”

"Did you just admit defeat in the romance matter, Dickie?" she mocked.

"Romance? Hell no! Just long-term relation..."

"Don't worry, big brother" she his his shoulder playfully "you keep my secret safe, I keep yours. But still, that’s the worst advice I ever got.”

“Maybe…” he tickled her tummy making poor girl squeal “think Damian would have better one?”

“He’s younger than me, sure as hell I’m not gonna ask him!”

“I’m serious, sis. Once you figure out who you are inside, even if it’s a bit complicated and come to terms with it, everything will fall in place.”

“Still the worst advice ever, but thank you for trying, Dickhead.”

“Doing my best for my little princess.”

“Ugh! Stop calling me that name!”

“You used to like it.”

“I was 7 years old!!”

“All right, fine, hold the fire” Dick raised his hands in surrender “Gosh, for someone who got so much fire inside, you suffer from too little self-value.”

“Four vigilante brothers can do that to a girl.”

“Y/N? I need you to promise me one thing.”

“Shoot.”

“When you get in a relationship you will let me act like big protective brother.”

“You may have to wait a while, but sure, it that’s your dream…”

“How about I play that role in a Nightiwng suit?”

“OVER MY DEAD BODY GRAYSON!”

[galaxymagitech]

Skyglow

Summary: Jason wakes up in a coffin for the second time, the feeling of satin brushing against his fingers and the thick scent of dirt filling his nostrils. He should probably start digging. But he doesn't.

Characters: Jason Todd, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Bruce Wayne

Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, possibly something that counts as a suicide attempt (not sure), a character claws at their skin.

It’s a dark, clear night in Gotham, and if you squint hard enough, you can almost see the stars.

Jason sits at the edge of the roof, staring into the sky and pretending like he’s finding meaning there. There’s the sound of soft footsteps behind him. Out of the corner of his eye, Jason sees Nightwing hang his legs off the roof’s edge a few feet away.

“When I was little,” Jason says, “I used to think they made the stars up.”

Dick hums.

“Bruce took me on a business trip in Metropolis, one day. We wanted to be there before sundown, but we ended up getting delayed. Don’t remember why. And so we were driving on the interstate and I looked up from my book and just—there were stars. Everywhere. And I was just like, oh, I guess stars aren’t just a metaphor. Can you believe that? I was twelve when I learned that stars were real.”

Dick shifts a little. “I never thought of that.”

“What, that a stupid little kid wouldn’t believe in stars?”

“That some people in Gotham haven’t ever seen a star. That’s just…” They sit in silence, for a bit. “Why are we here?” Dick asks, eventually.

Jason shrugs. “I dunno why you followed me.” That’s not entirely true. He’d be willing to bet that Tim snitched. But he doesn’t know why Tim decided his concerns were important enough to bother Nightwing about. Or why Dick decided to actually be concerned.

Dick sighs. “You know what I’m asking. Why are you here?”

Jason doesn’t know. He’s been hanging out on a lot of rooftops, lately. Maybe if he sits on enough ledges, he’ll decide if it’s actually worth it to jump, instead of just slowly sliding off. 

Unlike the stars, that’s a metaphor; Jason wouldn’t jump. A fall isn’t clean enough. Too much of a chance that the universe will fuck him over again. No, if he dies, he wants to stay dead.

“I don’t know what brought me back,” Jason says, well aware that Dick meant here on the rooftop, not here as in alive. “But dead screw-ups don’t come back to life. That’s for…Superman. The forces of evil. Hell, I’d buy it if Batman came back. But me? No fucking way was I supposed to get a second shot.”

“You did, Jason,” Dick says. “You’re alive. I don’t care if we don’t know how, you’re alive.”

But Jason just plows right past. “I figured, if I didn’t deserve a second shot, then I must’ve been brought back for a reason. ‘cause there was something I needed to do.” He frowns. “Do you know the first words I heard once I came back to myself?” Dick shakes his head. “Yeah, why would you? I didn’t say. But. Talia said, ‘you remain unavenged.’ That’s what she told me.”

“Jason—”

 “So I figured it had to be revenge, right? Only, I haven’t been able to kill the Joker. And then I figured, maybe I needed to prove Batman wrong. But he’s still doing the same thing he always did, letting the Joker live, not fixing anything. And then I figured, it was up to me, and my job was to fix things. But I’m not killing right now, I’m following the rules, and I’m a fucking joke, Dick. Everyone knows it. So there isn’t really a point to me after all.”

“Don’t say that.”

Jason shrugs. “It’s true. There isn’t. It would’ve been better if I hadn’t crawled my way out of that grave.”

---

Jason wakes up gasping for air and rolls over, fumbling for the switch of the lamp beside his bed. Instead, his fingers brush against cushioned satin.

Groggily, he opens his eyes, only to see complete darkness. No light filters through the curtains or leaks underneath the door. It’s unnatural. It’s wrong. He reaches up an arm, only to hit the ceiling a couple inches above his face. That’s when the panic sets in.

Jason loses himself to the shocks of fear pulsing through his system, pumped by his pounding heart. For a long time, he can’t think at all. He can only drown in the darkness and terror. When he regains awareness, his breaths are shallow and he can feel strips of satin beneath his fingers, torn from the roof of—

What is the last thing you remember? Jason blinks, but his memories swim. He doesn’t know. There are glimpses, lines thrown out into the water, but as soon as he reaches for them, they’re gone. He leans over Tim’s shoulder in the Batcave, examining a color-coded spreadsheet. He stands in front of Bruce, helmet on, as they brief on top of a rooftop. He sits at the kitchen table of Safehouse 4, the oldest of the safehouses he hasn’t burnt yet, with Around the World in 80 Days propped open as he picks at an omelet. All of the memories feel old. None of them explain where he is now.

His neck is itching, Jason realizes. He reaches up instinctively to loosen his tie. That’s when he realizes that he is, in fact, wearing a tie. These days, Jason only wears one of those for infiltration. Was he on an infiltration mission? He brushes a hand against his face. There doesn’t seem to be any make-up there, not even concealer for his scars.

The realization comes to him dully, this time.

He’s in a suit, surrounded by satin, in a small, enclosed space, and it’s dark. Jason’s been here before.

---

Jason stands across from Bruce, no, Batman. At the man’s side is Robin, arms slightly raised and fists tightly clenched. It’s milliseconds away from a defensive position. Jason should probably feel bad about that, but he doesn’t.

When he speaks, he aims to hurt. “You have no idea what it was like,” Jason says. “I crawled my way out of my own grave.”

This should not be news to anyone, but Bruce still flinches.

Jason grins, all teeth. “I remember it, sometimes. It took hours. I was screaming the whole time. I tore off all my fingernails, you know. Even when I was Robin, the most any torturer got to was four. But I lost ten, and I kept digging.” The Replacement looks like he’s going to be sick. Good. “Up and up and up. I knew I wasn’t gonna make it, you see. You can’t force your way out of your own grave. Mythbusters did an episode on it, yeah? So I had to scoop the dirt away, but I knew I wasn’t gonna have enough air for that. But I kept digging, because I thought—I thought maybe someone would find me, and if I made it just a little bit easier for them—”

“I’m sorry,” Batman says roughly. “Jason, I’m so sorr—"

Jason ignores him. It feels good to ignore an apology from Batman, instead of being grateful for whatever scraps of contrition the man can manage. “I don’t know how I did it. It should’ve been impossible. I think maybe I suffocated, and just came back to life and kept digging again, and suffocated again, and—”

“Stop,” Batman orders.

“Things are fuzzier, after I made it out. But I remember I was cold. So, so cold. It was raining. And I felt like I was as cold as a corpse, like life hadn’t properly warmed me up yet. And I didn’t know where I was going. I couldn’t walk, so I just crawled. I just crawled, Bruce, and then I stood up, and then I walked. A few hours before, I was being beaten to death with a crowbar. I thought someone would find me then. No one did. And I was still stupid enough to think someone would find me that second time.”

Robin’s right hand drifts toward Batman, like he’s going to try to cling to his mentor’s cape, before he clearly thinks better of it and withdraws his hand as if burnt. Batman growls. He doesn’t sound entirely human.

“You know nothing, Bruce,” Jason spits. “Nothing.”

---

Jason is in a coffin. He can smell the dirt around him, and he’s too lucid for that to be entirely an olfactory hallucination. He’s in a coffin, and he’s buried underground.

Although Jason wouldn’t put it past certain Rogues and crime families to bury someone alive, he’s in a suit and he isn’t wearing anything to disguise his identity. He has to face the facts.

Jason can feel phantom pains in his fingers, his lungs burning for oxygen before he’s even begun to truly run out of air.

Jason should probably start digging. But he doesn’t.

It’s quiet, in this coffin, just the sounds of his own ragged breaths. Jason knows that the first time around, he screamed. And when he couldn’t scream anymore, he cried, and when he couldn’t cry, he pleaded in hoarse whispers for someone, anyone, Bruce, Dick, Dad, please, please—

Jason realizes he isn’t breathing anymore and forces himself to inhale, wheezing like a dying man. Hah. He already died. At least twice. Probably—probably more. If he came back this time, how many times in the past have his “brushes with death” in fact taken him past its threshold?

But in the past, he seized his chance at life with both hands. This time…this time…

The universe brought him back for a reason. But it isn’t the Joker, and it isn’t Batman, and it isn’t Gotham. And Jason—Jason had been glad to fulfill it, whatever it was. He’d taken his second chance and used it, used himself as kindling to start whatever fire the universe desired. But he’s fucking tired of being burnt. Speaking of burning—

No one told Jason to write a will. He knows Dick has one and Bruce, of course, has one. Alfred has one, Barbara has one, even Cassandra Cain has one, although she has little to her name. Jason knows it’s standard vigilante/superhero procedure to have your affairs in order. But no one could work up the willpower—heh, willpower—to approach Jason and ask that he prepare for a second death.

Jason wrote a will anyway. Legally, he doesn’t exist. He has a small amount of money in various fake identities, but most of his funds aren’t exactly something he can distribute in a will. But he doesn’t much care what happens to them after his death. No, he wrote the will after one too many nightmares about his resurrection. That night, he picked up a pen and scribbled feverishly in his notebook that he wanted to be cremated. And Jason woke up in the morning and looked at it and thought, yeah, that’s fair. So he made it about as official as it could get.

Right now, it’s really fucking clear that he hasn’t been cremated.

Jason should start digging. But he doesn’t.

Death was supposed to mean that he was done. Cremation was supposed to ensure that. Jason just wants to be done. He thinks he deserves that much, at least. 

Jason thinks, what if I just lay here? Last time, he took his chance to live. What good did that do him? He didn’t get revenge, he didn’t get proof that Bruce cared, hell, he didn’t even properly protect Crime Alley. His dad always told Jason that he had to grow up to be something, “not like your old man.” But one time when he was drunk, Willis looked straight at Jason and said, “you’re never gonna amount to anything” and Jason had never figured out if his father had been talking to Jason or himself. Jason had thought, with Robin, that he mattered. But he was replaced as easy as can be. He never mattered. He squandered his first life, and he failed at his second, and really, Jason thinks, what’s the point of a third?

Jason wonders what will happen if he just stays here. Good corpses stay still. Good corpses don’t dig their way out of graves. Jason’s been dead twice now. He should be a pro at being a corpse.

It’s always been hard to do nothing. The same impulse that urged Jason to take his tire iron to the Batmobile makes his hands twitch to start digging. He’s wasting valuable time. Jason’s always been a do-er, and now he needs to not do anything. He’s always been a survivor, and now he has to lay down and die.

Jason should really start digging. But he doesn’t.

He is done being a zombie, a revenant, a walking memorial. He shouldn’t have come back that first time. The universe put things right and now Jason has to prevent her from having second thoughts.

---

“What the hell was that?” The Replacement shouts, one hand tight around his bo staff and the other clenched into a fist.

“I don’t answer to you,” Jason sneers. He folds his arms across his chest. Fuck it. This is a waste of time. He leans down to snap a ziptie over wrists of one of the less injured traffickers. The sooner he cleans up, the sooner he can get out of this warehouse.

“This is my route, so according to protocol, you do,” Tim insists.

“Yeah, I don’t follow protocol.” Jason gestures at the criminals bleeding all over the warehouse floor. None of them are dead. Probably.

“Clearly, or else you wouldn’t have engaged!”

“I made an informed decision.”

“No, you didn’t. You entered the middle of a freaking firefight, Hood, without your helmet, and you didn’t know you had backup.”

“It was fine.”

“Because I was there! Which you didn’t know, because you refuse to be on our comms.”

“I don’t need you.”

“Hood, do you not see how insane what you just did was? Or do you just not care?”

Jason bristles. “What, concerned about the poor widdle traffickers?”

Tim throws his hands into the air, like Jason’s the one being difficult. “That’s not what I’m talking about! I don’t care about them!”

Jason feels his lips twitch into a smirk, and before he knows it, he’s drawn a gun from its holster and trained it on the goon at his feet. His smirk widens into a grin at Tim’s flinch. “Oh, really? Guess I’ll just take out some trash then.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Tim says, voice carefully measured. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

Well, that’s one way to ensure that Tim never gets to his actual point. Jason flicks the safety off. The click echoes through the warehouse.

“Stop it,” the kid tries to order. Jason’s finger twitches on the trigger. “Please, Hood. Don’t do this.”

Jason shrugs and clicks the safety on, as if it doesn’t physically pain him to leave this scum alive. He knew he wasn’t going to kill anyone the second he dropped down from the rafters, and unlike what Batman thinks, he has self-control.

The Replacement tries to hide his relief, but he does a piss-poor job of it. “That was reckless,” Tim says. “Really, really reckless, and you know it.”

Jason turns around without a word. He doesn’t have to deal with this shit.

“I’ll have to tell B.”

Jason really doesn’t need a lecture from Bruce, but he can just avoid the cave until Bruce gets distracted by something equally reckless Tim does. Or, well, probably not equally reckless—Jason’s well-aware that what he did is pretty close to the edge of the ‘reckless’ spectrum, straddling the line between ‘reckless’ and, well, ‘suicidal.’ But equally stupid, at least. The Replacement seems like a dumb kid.

“I’ll tell Nightwing,” Tim tries desperately, and that makes Jason spin around. Because shit, Nightwing would hunt him down and not be satisfied just giving a lecture. He’d want to talk about feelings.

“Fine,” Jason huffs. “What do you want? A safehouse? Files? Me off this case?”

“I want you to stay alive, because believe it or not, I’d like Batman to not have another mental breakdown.”

Yeah, right. Like that would happen. Batman would still have his precious display case, and he cares far more about the dead kid than the Red Hood.

“Bruce can’t lose his son again,” Tim says, and Jason just—he can’t do this. His vision whites out. He has to leave. So he leaves.

When Jason finally registers the thuds of his boots, he’s three long blocks away from the warehouse. Whatever. The Replacement’s not going to go crying to Nightwing about Hood being a little reckless. If anything, he’ll be pleased.

---

Jason swallows. If he’s going to die, he might as well use up his air faster. Less time to wait. “It is a truth universally acknowledged…”

He recites the first chapter of Pride and Prejudice. Darkness by Lord Byron. Sings You Are My Sunshine five times. Waiting to die is a slow, slow thing, and every second, his entire body is screaming dig, save yourself, survive!

There’s a sound above him, strange thumping. Maybe, Jason thinks, it’s raining. That would be…not ironic, but there’s a strange sort of circle to it, isn’t there? He was born on a rainy day, and Catherine arrived at the hospital soaked. He was reborn in the rain. If he had dug up, he would have been born yet again in the rain. The opposite of a phoenix.

Bruce should have cremated him. Jason doesn’t even know that he won’t just suffocate and then wake up again, but this time with no air. An endless loop of suffocation. The thought sends a thrill of terror through Jason. He regrets not digging.

But if he wakes up again, Jason supposes, then he’ll make his way out. It’ll hurt, but he can take his time. And then after, after, he’ll find a fire. And then he won’t have to remember how much it hurt.

The thought should be comforting, but Jason just feels terrified, and afraid, and alone. He wonders where they buried him this time. Last time, he’d been next to Sheila. But he’d screamed at Bruce for it, so maybe, maybe this time it’s somewhere else. Next to his mom, his real mom, even. Not that Bruce seemed to particularly care about Jason’s wishes, when he was actually real and not just a memorial caged within rose-tinted glass. After all, he’d asked to be cremated.

Jason closes his eyes. Everything feels detached, out of phase. He isn’t sure if it’s oxygen deprivation setting in or a side-effect of his resurrection, or just the strangeness of the scenario. He’s tired. That could be any one of the three as well.

How did I die? Jason wonders. He strains for his memories. The taste of rocky road ice cream from his favorite ice cream shop. Tim laughing. Flashes of blinding light. None of it is an answer. None of it explains what happened.

The thuds are getting louder. Jason wonders if it’s hail. Last he remembers, it was June. If it’s winter now, he supposes six months have passed. Maybe more. Maybe he’s been dead for years.

“I’m tired,” Jason whispers. “I’m so tired.” He blinks. His vision tilts. Definitely oxygen deprivation.

It’s almost over.

And then Jason hears—Jason hears voices and there’s a light, but it’s dim, and there are shadows falling on him. Jason lies there. He wonders if this is what he saw right before he died the second time. The first time, he just saw flames, seared across his eyelids.

“Jason,” someone says. They sound horrified.

That’s his name. Jason doesn’t respond. What’s the point?

“Hold on.”

This dream doesn’t make much sense. Jason hopes it’ll be over soon.

Something grasps his arms and pulls. No. No, Jason has to stay. Corpses have to stay in their graves. If he doesn’t stay, then he’ll have to come back, and he’ll just ruin it again. He has to stay. “No,” Jason can hear himself babbling. “No, let me go, let me—no. I have to. I have to go back.”

“Jason, calm down.”

“No!” Jason shouts, desperately. He throws out a kick and dives forwards, eyes closed. Strong arms catch him around the waist and hold him close, pulling him against someone’s chest. “No, I have to go back! Please!”

“Jason, open your eyes!”

Jason’s eyes snap open and he sees—

Batman. Nightwing. Robin. It’s all wrong.

Jason doubles over. “Please,” he sobs. “I have to go back. You need to let me go back.”

“You’re okay, Jason,” Batman says in his ear, but his voice is all Bruce. “You’re alive.”

“Yeah, that’s the fucking problem.” Dick startles. Jason must’ve said that out loud. “Please,” he whispers.

The first time he dug himself out of his own grave, Jason’s voice was gone by the time he made it to the surface. This time, someone else dug him out, but no one will listen when he speaks.

Jason slumps in Bruce’s hold, and they just…stand there. Eventually, Bruce slowly sets Jason on the ground and kneels down in front of him. 

Jason’s heartbeat pounds in his ear. It’s wrong. His heart shouldn’t be beating. It’s wrongwrongwrongwrong. Desperately, Jason claws at his wrists, trying to dig the heartbeat out. It has to go away. Someone tugs at his hand and Jason snatches it away and cradles his hand against his chest. His pulse continues to tear him apart.

“Jason,” Bruce says. “Do you know where you are right now?”

“A fucking graveyard, right?” Jason says. His eyes burn. He refuses to wipe at them. He can feel the hard, rocky dirt beneath him. He wants to be numb again. He shouldn’t be here. He should be underground.

There’s a sharp silence. “We’re not in a graveyard, Little Wing,” Dick says, eventually.

Jason looks around slowly. His vision feels disconnected, and it takes several moments for each image to register. But there are no gravestones around, just trees, trees and sky. It’s dark out. He thinks, when he looks up, he can almost see the stars. He doesn’t understand. “Then why am I in a suit?”

“Do you remember the gala?” Tim asks, so quietly that Jason almost doesn’t hear him. In fact, it sounds more like “…oo…ber…gala?” with the rest being lost underneath the Replacement’s breath, but Jason figures that’s what he’s saying. Jason shakes his head. 

Dick takes a step closer. “The paparazzi saw us out in Gotham four days ago. With you. You…there was a gala tonight. Bruce convinced you to go with us. And then you went missing. We thought you walked out early. But then…well, Tim was working on a case, and…well…”

“A weird cult thought you were a zombie,” Tim says, when it becomes clear that Dick’s not going to explain anything properly. “So they knocked you out, did a ritual, and re-buried you.”

This is real, Jason thinks suddenly, and then he’s doubled over, retching. Nothing comes out except spit. He can feel grass beneath his hands. When he curls his fingers, he scrapes up dirt. “This is real,” Jason says aloud. “This is real. This is real.”

“This is real,” Dick confirms. Jason retches again.

This is real. Jason doesn’t know what to say.

Tim sighs. “We need to take you to the police.”

Bruce shakes his head. “We need to talk.” His voice is dark. Jason shudders.

“Not like this, Bruce,” Dick says. “Not with the cowl on. Jason, are you good to deal with questions right now?”

“I don’t remember much.” Jason tugs at his tie in the stifling heat. Across the room, Tim is talking to a group of teenage boys and making large, animated gestures. Jason stumbles, catching himself on a nearby table.

“That’s fine, Jay,” Dick says. “We recovered security footage and we have confessions. We’ll be there in civies as soon as we can, okay?”

Jason shrugs. Someone helps him to his feet.

---

On the rooftop, Dick places a hand over Jason’s. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true,” Jason says quietly. “I shouldn’t have come back.”

“You’re wrong,” Dick says. He sounds so sure. But that’s the first Robin. He’s sure about everything. Jason could never measure up.

“Jason Todd was better off without me insulting his memory.”

“Who cares about a memory?” Dick scoffs. “You’re alive.”

“Tell that to Bruce.”

“Tell that to yourself,” Dick says. “You’re alive, Jason. You’re alive. Don’t you see how amazing that is? All of us—me, Bruce, Tim, Alfred—we’re so happy that you’re alive.”

“I don’t believe you,” Jason says. He believes that Dick believes it. He believes that Dick has to believe it, that Dick won’t admit to himself that he wishes Jason was still dead. Dick will always ignore his darker thoughts. But Jason knows. Jason knows Dick would be happier if Jason never came back. And Bruce? The man doesn’t even think that Jason counts as Jason anymore. Alfred no doubt can see that something in Jason is deeply, deeply wrong—sociopathic tendencies, Talia had theorized, although Jason suspects he’s far beyond tendencies. And Tim has no reason to wish his murderous predecessor well, not after the Tower. So, no, Jason doesn’t believe Dick.

“You will,” Dick says. “I promise.”

Jason stares into the sky. He thinks maybe, just maybe, he can see a star.

[thesevenwondersofawitch]

The Brothers Sun ep8

Understandable that the Tea Leaf guy won't talk unless Big Sun is brought down

Aw, they're staying in a motel

Mama Sun is so done that Bruce couldn't get the name for dragon head right 😂

She makes her son drive at night because she gets lost😭

She bought 6 pasta strainers just because they were on sale

"You are not a crime boss. You're my mom." She can be both

I get where she's coming from, but it never sits right to be mad at the kid who didn't

NOOOOOOOOOO Charles nooooooooooooooo

Oh thank god, he shot above his brother's head

The mom's hand on Charles shoulder 😭 I bet she came running

I love that Bruce said that it's going to lead to decades of therapy (that his brother was sent to kill him by their father)😂

Charles don't hurt your brother! He has a point about killing your father

The fact that Bruce said he'd do anything to protect his brother 😭

The way the mom admitted that the chairleg incident was a test and she didn't push back against the father when he forced Charles to kill the first time😭

At least she's showing the remorse and guilt she feels for sacrificing

"Forget dad, you can be Charles -churro baker Sun"😭

The way that the mom has a charger for her son's phone😭

Oh, Charles just realized how he was betrayed

Xing telling the Wang bros that they need to shut up makes me hope she at least feels some guilt for betraying

The dad is such an asshole

Good for you Charles, telling your dad you want to stay. I'm proud of you❤️

The way I cheered when Charles shot those douche bags😂

Oh no, Xing is going to kill the mother and brother 😭

Well fuck indeed, Charles, fuck indeed

Alexis saying that they don't have shrimp chips😂

Him asking for a charger is not permission to track his phone

Alexis is far worse than Charles ever could be

Mama Sun wearing an oversized jersey is so cute

Yeah, Xing sucks and blood boots would never

The fact that the mom is immediately chastising Bruce for getting the wrong milk😂

FUCK YOU ALEXIS. FUCK YOU

Bruce is absolutely playing her😂 the improv classes work!

I love how Charles is just as shocked that the mom can fight 😂😂

Bruce planning to kill their dad😂

I mean, him being good at Laser Tag and also beating his actual assassin brother at a shooting video game is hilarious and actually makes sense

Bruce: "Neither of us are who our parents thought we were."

Charles"Yeah, but both our parents are crazy."

Bruce: "yeah."

Bruce, hugging Charles: "I don't think we've ever hugged before."

Charles: "Well, you're probably gonna die, so might as well get one last one before you go."😂

Bruce: "Right."

Bruce, handing his visitor badge to Alexis: "The Brothers Sun don't work with cops." HA!

Oh no, Bruce don't listen to that serpent of a father who's telling you to join him.

I love that Charles made sure to shoot his dad and missed the internal organs 😂 It definitely pays

The way that Bruce said he'd use his spit to make his taco dumplings 😂

I'm pretty sure that it was Bruce's plan all along to get his brother and mom to cook for him forever😂

FUCK YEAH! THE MAMA INJECTING THE DAD'S IV BAGS WITH INSULIN IS WICKED AND GENIUS AND I'M SO HAPPY FOR HER!

Awwwww she bought her son a bakery 😭🥺

Hopefully that other girl isn't

The way she brought gifts to her friends

I love that she wants her kids to have lives and be happy 🥺❤️

Good for Alexis that she got a tower of her snack

The pictures in the mom's room with both her boys🥺😭

I'm crying with Bruce and Mama Sun too😭 nothing bad better happen to her

Oh nooooo, Charles is leaving too😭 I mean I'm happy that he's gonna get some time with his mama and that she's finally getting what she wants

I love that June has dinner reservations already 😂 she's got her priorities straight

The fact that Bruce still struggles to drive his car is hilarious and relatable af😂

I really hope we get another season, just because this was so well written and I enjoyed this show so much. But it also ended on a great note.

Ooooooo I wonder who that guy with the sunglasses sounds like he's being sent after Tea guy

Also still curious about who the man was that Eileen had been dancing with in Taiwan

[grave-queen-jakrabitt]

Comic headcannons batfam edition

Every fucking villain in Gotham has an agreement NOBODY FUCKS WITH ALFRED. As a matter of fact he's rather well liked

Harley, ivy and Catwoman invited Alfred to a gossip circle and he takes them shopping. When they ask why he just responds "girls please I work for the richest family in Gotham not wearing an owl mask, I live at their house I don't need to save money at my age"

The supervillains all have a favorite robin (continued below)

Bane respects Jason's violence lust for vengeance

riddler loves swapping brain teasers with tim on the ride to Arkham

Dick Grayson will only refer to Dr freeze as victor. Victor always loves hearing stories from his circus days and dick helps victor figure out how to save his wife

Scarecrow enjoys discussing phobias with Damien (thought over)

Alfred is actually more loaded then the Waynes because he convinced the penguin to bet all of his assets including the iceberg lounge on a game of cards and Alfred won but is content with a 50% of the legitimate casino profit.

Jason todd and killer croc are actually close friends and croc gave batman an offer, say the word and I eat him

Cassandra Cain is extremely protective of Damien because of their similar upbringing and she absolutely hates Thalia al ghul

Alfred knows how to fight in heels and nobody questions it.

If one of the kids comes out as a different gender or sexuality Alfred takes the time to actually learn about it and makes Bruce do the same if they want Bruce to know. If they don't his lips are sealed tighter than nightwings cheeks

Duke, Steph and Harper develop a unique system of Morse code and hydrographics that correspond to them.

Cassandra is a lesbian and got Alfred's help figuring out a way to turn music into a code so she could ask out Harper with a passionate love song.

Colin Rowe is one of Damiens best friends, Bruce had to make him invite Colin over but as soon as Titan seemed him Worthy to rub the belly they were instantly cool.

Colin calls Cassandra aunt Cass and she helps him with homework Harper doesn't understand.

Damien actually made friends with Harley's Hyena's and has vowed to make the jokers life a living hell "father said I can't kill, but the joker has upset the she clown with the nice hyenas, oh and Todd died by his hand so he will pay.

The entire batfam has something called the pit stop protocol. If anything ever happens to batman his normal contingency plans run as normal with one exception, sedate Jason for a night, then the entire batfamily including Alfred and Harley grab crowbars and find the joker, they all know what happens next and they take it to the fucking grave. They never tell J.

Barbara still has days where her back gives her problems so she keeps the wheelchair around

[discowingneckline]

Can you do Oliver Queen and Jason Todd for the character asks?

Oliver Queen

First impression: This dude looks kinda cool. His face is cool. He uses a bow, and that's cool. Impression now: A much better father than Bruce Wayne. He's cooler than I thought he was. His kids are dope. He also pulls mad bitches like Bruce Wayne. I love him. Favorite moment: UGH. I don't know. Hmmm, when Lian and Oliver were chilling in the Green Arrow 80th Anniversary Idea for a story: I probably would never write something specifically about him, or even specifically about anyone in the arrowfam as of right now, but! I do ship Dickroy, so he'll be included at some point! Dunno what though. Unpopular opinion: Frick, I dunno if I have one um. I dunno if this is unpopular, but I fucking love his usual lil hat. Favorite relationship: Obviously romantically it's with Dinah Lance. Platonic is Roy and Lian all together with Oliver. Favorite headcanon: I like the headcanon that Lian, matching with Oliver, could totally paint his nails and dress him up like a fairy and drag him out and about.

Jason Todd

First impression: Oh! There's more Robins! Surely, this isn't going to be a rabbit hole where I obsess over everyone in the Batfamily now. Also, he seems pretty cool! Impression now: ...I understand your story, where you're coming from, but I hate you, respectfully. We would never get along, unless we were making poverty meals because we can bond over that. Anyway, he's done some really horrible stuff to characters really like, so...um...yeah. I appreciate what his character is and stuff. Favorite moment: When he met Bruce. He was so fucking funny. Idea for a story: I don't think I'll ever write for Jason specifically, but if he were included in a fic. Unpopular opinion: Roy Harper and Jason Todd do not and will not ever work as a couple or as friends. (If that isn't as unpopular, let me give you a few more: 1) Automatically headcanoning Jason as a survivor of CSA just because he is poor and lived on the streets a bit, in my opinion, is a bit classist, and personally I find it offensive for reasons you'd know if you've read my fics lmao). Favorite relationship: I don't ship Jason with anyone romantically, but I do like the platonic relationship between him and Bruce because it's an absolute tragedy. Favorite headcanon: I like the idea that Jason Todd chooses takeout or eating out unless he's making poverty meals. As someone who grew up with a lot of poverty meals, and I don't speak for everyone, they are my ultimate comfort foods. Oh, and I bet he likes soup.

[batpham-discord-highlights]

Tim Doesn't Age

Source: #crack

E

Possible reasons why Tim doesn't age:

1) Lazarus water in his coffee, courtesy of Damien.  Damien, ever tired of being the "baby" of the family, secretly doses Tim in small amounts with Lazarus water so while Damien gets a chance to look dark and gritty like Batman as he gets older, Tim will have a perpetual case of baby face. Tim, being the avid coffee drinker he is, doesn't even notice. The thing is, what Damien would have never guessed is that even though the doses are super small, Tim is now not only technically immortal, but Also a citizen of the ghost zone (if we're going by the theory of Lazarus pits being defunct ghost zone portals)

They find out this when a ghost zone equivalent of a IRS auditor shows up asking Tim why he hasn't been paying his taxes

M/F

pffft

AK

Wouldn't that just be like reaaaly bad ectocontamination

M/F

Then Jazz and Danny are pretty much immortal too

Danny before the accident

AK

It could be that all his near-death experiences were him coming back as a halfa idk maybe death is an activation agent

M/F

Tim has a lot of near-death situations...

E

2) Impulse stole a few years off of him using the speed force as a dare, and genuinely forgot to return them.

I don't think bart did it outta spite- just to see if he could but he had to go save someone before he could return the years.

Bonus: since he moved too fast to track/see, Bart lost the bet

E

               [Wouldn't that just be like reaaaly bad ectocontamination]

I only posted this for the lolz, up to personal interpretation 🤷‍♀️

AK

Theoretically if jazz were to kick the bucket shed become a halfa going by the logic I posted abive

Due to lifetime ecto-contamination

Or Tim's a ghost 😱

E

3) The stress of being in constant life or death battles gives Tim baby face. It sounds completely rediculious, which it is,but hear me out. Some aspects of physiology, especially in certain DC alternate universes, are psychosomatic. Studies have been conducted that reveal the body deteriorates in high stress situations. So the reason Tim looks forever young is because a bunch of angst and stress stunted his growth.

I'll grant that this could affect other batfam members, except stress affects everyone differently, so there's a chance that the others just aren't as bothered, or that they show being bothered differently

               [Or Tim's a ghost 😱]

That's probably reason 4

M/F

reason 5: Tim is a vampire

E

               [That's probably reason 4]

Tim died of a caffeine induced heart attack and the dumbass didn't realize he was a ghost so he went on living his life but never aged

AK

Lmao

I personally hc that Tim doesn't drink coffee. He can stay awake for that long bc he's a ghost

M/F

reason 7: magic?

E

Adsfdsgf

But if Tim doesn't drink coffee, why a thermos?

AK

He never liked it but after a weirdly rapid heart rate one day, he didn't need it to stay awake anymore!!

M/F

reason 6 is not to be spoken of/j

AK

               [But if Tim doesn't drink coffee, why a thermos?]

Hot choco

E

Tt.

AK

ghost blobba tea slipped in there by either Jason or Damien who probs have contact with the ghost zone via either Danny or the pits

E

Hecc

Bobba tea would be weird in a thermos, just saying

Maybe Steph makes Tim soup?

M/F

Ghost blob noodles

AK

with GHOST VEGGIES

SS

Reason 8: Death knows better than to fuck with the kid who fought Time itself for Bruce

M/F

Reason 9: Reboots and the concept of timeline continuity don't affect him anymore

SS

10: he slipped out of the timestream by accident while he was bat stalking and now he can't get back in

M/F

11: Reasons 10 and 9 make all the reasons valid somehow

L

Death should fear most the bats with how much they ignore it

M/F

death is a social construct

SS

12: Tim accidentally swallowed one of Clockwork's shrunken medallions while he was an unsupervised toddler

M/F

13: He got a kpop idol's skin care routine

L

14: It’s a curse from one of the things his parents picked up

SS

15: Tim is an eldritch god that got amnesia

M/F

16: Tim swallowed a time stone from one of the Marvel crossovers in the 90s

17: Tim actually is aging but backwards

SS

Benjamin Button is that you?

18: Tim is just Like That and no one knows how or why

M/F

19: His spleen caused him to age, but after he lost it.... he lost the ability to age

20: The MCU snap got him, and somehow the bats didnt notice he was missing or that 5 years passed.

because continuity is already messed up

SS

21: Klarion did it for the lols

M/F

22: Shazam (old wizard) did it for the lols

SS

23: Constantine did

24: they all did it individually but didn't know the others did

M/F

25: they actually didn't do it and Dr. Fate did it

[gigglz]

Brother, NO.

Hii! I’m finally writing a fic cuz I somehow got the motivation to write one.

Also idk when I’ll get to writing any requests, but someday I will.

lee!Loki, ler!thor

Warnings: Swearing.

Summary: Loki being mischievous, that’s all.

Word count: 1,800+

Everyone wanted to watch a movie together, except Bucky and Sam because they were working out.

“I pick!” Thor said while reaching for the remote.

Tony snatched it, “No, you picked last time. I pick. Plus you have no taste in movies.” Thor rolled his eyes but smiled.

“What about.. this?” Tony picked a thriller movie.

They all agreed.

Tony pressed play.

Halfway tru the movie Bucky and Sam walked into the living room.

“Hey! Wanna watch a movie with us?” Steve turned to the two men.

“Sure! What are you watching?” Bucky asked as he and Sam hopped on the couch next to everyone else.

“Just some movie Tony found, it’s pretty boring,” Thor said, he was extra sassy today.

“Hey! Don’t do that, that’s my thing!” Tony joked.

Everyone chuckled.

When the movie ended Sam suggested watching another one, cuz why not!

“Ok, then what are we watching?” Nat asked Sam.

“Hmm.. oh I know!” Sam clicked on Toy story 3.

Everyone looked at Sam.

“You’re joking, right?” Wanda looked at Sam.

“Oh come on! You’re a kid, plus when was the last time any of you watched this?” Sam looked at Wanda.

“Fine I guess. Could be worse.” Wanda laughed and looked back at the TV.

“I have never watched this!” Thor and Clint said at once.

“What?? Oh well, you’re in for a treat! This is the best part.” Sam looked surprised.

“Yeah, I strongly disagree. The first movie is the best.” Said Tony.

“Uhhh, no? This is the best one! You have no taste.” Sam shot back.

Thor let out a laugh and Tony rolled his eyes.

“Hey! Why don’t you call your brother? Maybe he wants to watch? He’s technically still a kid!” Bucky turned to Thor.

“Ha! Maybe on Asgard, but he’s still older than all of you combined!” Thor laughed.

“Even older than these two combined?” Sam pointed to Steve and Bucky.

Everyone laughed.

“Were not that old.” Steve rolled his eyes at Sam.

“I guess you’re right.. you’re just from the fucking ice age!” Sam couldn’t keep it together after he said that.

Everyone burst out laughing. Even Steve and Bucky.

“Hah! Ehh, I bet your brother would’ve laughed at that, no Cap,” Sam said to Thor.

Thor laughed at the stupid pun, “Loki? HAH! No, there’s no way. Think about it! Have you ever seen him laugh? I think not! Even I haven’t! I mean not really..”

“Oh just go get him! There’s no need to burst his little pride bubble.” Tony laughed.

“Hey! That was a good joke!” Sam looked at Tony.

“Nope,” Nat said while sipping her tea.

“Ouch!” Sam put his hand on his heart and fell backward into the couch, what a drama Queen.

“Fine, I’ll go get him!” Thor scoffed and stood up.

After what seemed like an eternity there was still no sign of Thor or Loki.

“What’s taking them so long?” Bucky whined.

“Be patient, it’s Loki after all,” Bruce said from the kitchen, that he was getting some snacks cuz they have eaten them all while waiting for the brothers.

“Can’t they be faster? These guys are gonna die soon!” Sam pointed to Steve and Bucky.

Nat chuckled.

“Ha. Ha. Very funny.” Steve playfully punched Sam in the shoulder.

Bruce came back with two giant bowls filled with popcorn, drinks, and other snacks.

Suddenly there could be heard fast footsteps running down the stairs.

It was Loki.

“FINALLY! Oh, wait you actually ca-” Sam got cut off by Loki shushing him.

“SHHH!” Loki looked around, went to the corner of the room, and made himself invisible with his magic.

“LOKIII!!” Thor’s voice rang thru the entire Avengers compound.

Then Thor stormed down the stairs, but he wasn’t angry. Instead, he had a smirk on his face.

“Oh boy, what did he do?” Tony turned to look at Thor.

“Oh, he wouldn’t come down to watch the movie with us!” Thor looked around.

“So... why are you chasing him exactly?” Steve asked confused.

“.. No reason.” Thor was still looking around and walking around the room trying to find him.

“Ya know he’s right th- mm.. MMM!” Sam got cut off by something.

“Ah, right.. he’s using his magic.” Thor looked at Sam and chuckled while finally understanding.

There was a sound of footsteps behind Thor, he turned around and saw Loki trying to sneak up the stairs.

“There you are.” Thor ran after Loki.

Everyone looked confused, cuz they had just seen Loki turn invisible in the opposite corner of the room.

“So...” Bruce started but got cut off.

*huff* Everyone looked at the real Loki.

“Exactly why were you hiding?” Nat asked with obvious confusion.

“As he said.. I didn’t want to watch a movie.” Loki said as he started to walk away.

“Yeah, it’s much better to read a boring book!” Sam mocked Loki.

“HEY! Books are way better than.. whatever that.. is.” He pointed at the TV.

Loki didn’t even hear anyone coming down the stairs behind him.

“Mhm, and?” Tony asked with an amused grin as everyone saw Thor coming down the stairs.

“And? And what? You obviously have never read a bOOK-” Thor tackled Loki from behind.

“Hello there brother.” Thor smiled down at his brother.

“Wrong.” The fake disappeared under Thor.

Loki smiled sheepishly from the other side of the room.

No one even bothered to ask anything.

“Also, brother. I think your cape and armor look much better in pink.” Loki smirked.

“Oh no, you did not.” Thor stood up.

“I’m pretty sure he did.” Nat had snuck away to grab Thor’s “armor”.

“HA! It’s really pink!” Sam looked at the suit and laughed.

“Oh, you mischievous motherfucker.” Thor started speed walking to Loki.

Loki’s face turned from smug to *oh shit*.

“Wait! Wait! What are you doing?” Loki asked in panic as he circled the couch.

“Getting you back, bitch.” Thor now had a smirk on his face and gave him THAT look.

“Brother NO.” Loki now was panicking.

“What are they doing?” Steve asked confused as the brothers continued to circle the couch.

“I’m about to kill him.” Thor said in a teasy voice.

Loki let out a small panic giggle.

“OH! OH! Did you guys hear that??” Sam looked at everyone else with sparkles in his eyes.

Loki looked at him confused, “.. what?”

“Loki, did you just laugh?!” Even Wanda looked shocked.

“It appears so.” Vision said entering the room.

Loki was still circling the couch and looked at everyone REALLY confused, “..And?”

“AND?? You have never-” Clint got cut off by Thor.

“And you’re about to hear some more.”

Loki hadn’t noticed that Thor had stopped circling the couch and bumped into him.

“Brother don’t you dare.” Loki gave him a death glare, but Thor didn’t care.

“Oh, I think I do.” With that Thor pounced on Loki tackling him.

“Ok what is happening..?” Bucky was confused.

“BROTHER. BROTHER NO. NO.” Loki was screaming at Thor.

“Loki seems to be panicking.” Vision said.

“Yeah, we can see and hear that.” Steve looked down at them.

For Tony, it finally clicked, and he smirked.

Sam noticed that, “What?”.

“You guys are really dumb,” Tony said as he started laughing.

“AHAH!” Everyone was snapped back to reality when they heard a scream.

“Ah, there we go.” Thor looked amused.

Everyone looked at Thor and then Loki and back to Thor.

“You guys are really shit, he tickling him!” Tony said and everyone’s face turned from confusion to *oooh* to a smirk.

“AAAAGH! BROTHEHER!” Loki tried to fight back.

“Don’t fight it, just let it all out.” Thor chuckled.

Vision looked confused.

Wanda noticed.

“You don’t know what tickling is, Vision?” Wanda looked at vision and laughed.

Everyone turned to look at Vision’s confused face.

Vision shook his head.

“..no?” Vision tried to recreate what Thor was doing in the air.

Sam laughed at Vision.

“AAAAAUUH!” Vision jumped at the sound of the scream.

“Why is he hurting him??” Vision looked concerned.

“He’s not hurting him, Vision don’t worry!” Clint said.

“OK OK OK OK! IHIM SORYHIHI AHAH!” Loki shook his head.

“Anyone else wondering how the fuck we didn’t know about this?” Bucky laughed.

“Well you never really tried it, did you?” Thor looked up at him.

Thor drilled his fingers into Loki’s hips.

Loki bucked like crazy. “AGHAHA! THOHOR I SWEAR TO-  AHAHAAA!”

“Okay, okay fine... joking,” Thor said with a big smirk.

“NO. BROTHER. YOU CAN NOT DO THIS!” Loki pushed at his chest to try to get him off.

“Yes, yes I can,” Thor said as he lifted up his shirt.

“NO NO! SOMEONE STOP HIM PLEHEASE!” Loki shut his eyes and threw his head back.

“Since when does he say please?” Steve laughed.

“I’M NOT JOKING! JUST GET HIM OHOHOF!” Loki yelled.

“Ehhh?” Sam looked at everyone and wondered if he should help.

“FUHUCK!” 

“Uhh.. yeah. I don’t think I’ll help him. I mean how many times have you seen him laugh? That’s right 0.. also he messed up one of my suits.” Said Tony.

“Friday come to record this!” Tony’s suit arrived and started recording.

“AAAHAHA! YOU BETTER FUCKHING DELETE THAHAT!” Loki threatened, but it wasn’t really threatening ya know... since he was laughing so hard.

“Ok NOW last thing,” Thor said as he bent down and blew a big raspberry on his belly.

When I tell you that Loki SCREAMED.

“Ok, I’m done here. Have you learned your lesson?” Thor still had a smug smirk on his face.

Loki turned on his stomach and curled in on himself. “yehes..”

Thor laughed “I know that still means no but I got my revenge.”

“Uhuh.. you’re awful.”

“Watch it!” He poked Loki’s side.

“okahayokayokayokay!” Loki put his hand up in defense.

Loki flopped on his back and just stared at the ceiling.

Vision hurried over to Loki and started checking for injuries.

“Ohoh! Fuhuck ohohoff!” Loki pushed Vision’s hands away.

Thor laughed at his brother.

“I’m sorry! I think he’s injured!” Vision said in a worried voice.

“I swear if you touch me one more time I’m going to rip that stone out of your fucking head!” Loki threatened and Vision backed away.

“Hey!” Wanda yelled at Loki.

“Don’t worry Vision, he’s not injured. I just tickled him that’s it!” Thor put his hands up.

Sam started laughing. “HAH! Oh my fucking god! That was hilarious!”

Loki looked at him with a death glare.

“O-or not.” Sam stopped laughing.

“Did you get that, Friday?” Tony asked the robot.

“Yes sir.” The suit replied.

“You better delete that.” Loki stood up and brushed himself off.

“uhhh, I don’t think I will.” Tony smiled and turned back to the Robot.

“Okay then..” Loki walked behind Tony.

Loki pointed at Tony and looked at Thor.

Thor shrugged.

“Ok since when do the two of you have telapat- AGH!” Tony flinched away and turned around to see Loki.

“Delete. it.” Said Loki.

“Fine. Friday delete it.” Tony gave the command.

“You humans have no durability.” Loki scoffed as he walked away.

[lyrasfuneral]

𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝟐 𝐆𝐎! | 𝐑𝐀𝐍 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐈 ☆.

tw: mentions of drugs, liquor, smoking, killing, shooting, gang/crime syndicate affiliation, cursing, Ran’s under the influence in half of the fic (there’s no smut), and i THINK i mentioned cigarettes and pills.

category: fluff / funny/crackfic(??).

Ran knew you were hard to get. From the very first day he met you, he made a bet with himself to marry you. You were Takeomi’s younger sister, and since Mikey knew you, he had no problem with you coming to HQ.

Takeomi told Ran not to even engage with you, he’d be damned if Ran corrupted his little sister with this Bonten shit. Then there was Sanzu… who didn’t even mind. Each time Sanzu saw you he’d give you a small wave and keep going with his day.

“Excuse me.” Ran said, gaining your attention. “Yes?” You spun around on your heel, e/c eyes connecting with his purple ones. “You dropped this.” Ran hand you your keys with a smug smile. “Nice pick-up line, you could do better though.” You chuckled, walking out of the headquarters.

“Dumbass.” Sanzu snickered, covering his mouth as Rindou and Kakucho began giggling like little kids. “Shut up.” Ran scoffed, sitting in his seat. “No one told you to try and get our sister's attention. I’m sure she would’ve come back to get her keys.” Takeomi shrugged. “I think it’s funny,” Mikey said with a dead expression.

“W-Well, you could at least smile, boss.”

“What if I DON’T want to smile?”

“O-Ok…”

When you first met Mikey, you two instantly became friends. You liked hanging out with Mikey and your brothers, which is why you came to headquarters a lot.

But, that isn’t the focus. The focus is on you and Ran. The only encounters you two had was when he picked up your keys and when he introduced himself to you. You didn’t have an eye on anyone in Bonten. They were all dangerous, including your siblings. At least you can use them for your leverage. It’s like having scary dog privileges.

If you haven’t been in that type of situation before, thank whoever’s in a higher power. You were currently trying to put your keys into the keyhole of the door until someone grabbed you. “Stop struggling, bitch!” He yelled. “You seem like YOU’RE the one struggling!” Y/N hissed, punching the male in his gut.

You were doing good until a loud gunshot rang out. You thought you got hit, but that’s not why you fell and covered your ears though. You never did well with loud noises. That’s why you didn’t enjoy occasions where they were popped.

“Y/N, it’s Ran. Your brother’s coworker.” Ran said, trying to grab your attention. “What are you doing here-! You know what… Just come inside.”

“I have to get rid of him first, give me a second.”

You stayed inside by yourself for a good 30 minutes. That was enough time to calm yourself down and collect your thoughts. “I’m back,” Ran smirked, taking his gloves off. “Yeah… That’s cool. Why were you even there?” Y/N asked, crossing her arms. “Dunno. This is my usual route home. There’s only one car I know that’s F/C.” The man shrugged, causing you to scoff.

“Well… You’re not fucking Bruce Wayne so I don’t know if you want the key to the city or something.”

Ran’s smirk remained the same as he got closer to you. His eyes were low and full of whatever dirty thoughts were running through his mind. “I’d prefer a kiss.” He said, putting a finger on your chin as he gently lifted your head. “Oh? I’m sure you’re not a virgin. Here’s a tip— Go to the local club, right? Find a stripper and BOOM! A nice little kiss.” Y/N pulled away from Ran.

“Someone’s playing hard to get.” Ran scoffed, walking towards the door. “Thanks for saving me, Haitani. I’ll pay you back one day.” Y/N gave him an awkward smile as he left.

He didn’t expect you to repay him.

He didn’t know why he listened to the 4 of his coworkers. He shouldn’t have gotten drunk that night. Rindou knew his brother couldn’t control his liquor, but he was too drunk and high to even care.

2 bottles of Hennessy and like 5 blunts? Oh, best believe Ran was seeing double and hearing shit. “Ran, you’re sweating,” Kakucho said. “Take him hom- Where’s Rindou?!” Sanzu gawked, looking around the club. “Probably with some whore. I don’t know why he’d run off though, he’s our fucking ride!” Kokonui hissed, throwing money at the strippers. “‘M gonna go outside for a minute.” Ran said, voice falling on deaf ears.

He had never been this drunk/high in his life. He couldn’t even unlock his phone to call a taxi, uber, or Lyft. He was seeing double and his ears were constantly ringing.

Mikey would’ve killed him. Someone who can’t control their liquor or handle their high shouldn’t be in Bonten. What if an adversary came and shot him dead? Wait- Don’t think that- Now he’s crouching down in front of the club trying to shake his thoughts off.

“Ran..? Are you alright?”

“Who is that?” F/N looked toward Y/N with a confused expression. “He’s… my brother’s friend. Go home, I have to get him out of here.” Y/N shooed her friend away and shook Ran’s shoulder.

“Oh..? Y/N. I’m seeing shit, aren’t I? You’re probably Rindou.” Ran snickered to himself, letting his head fall back on the brick wall of the club. “Ran, it’s me. Y/N, ok? I have to get you out of here. You’re drunk… or whatever the hell is going on with you. Did you get drunk?” Y/N pushed Ran towards her car.

“Rindou… Take me home, fucking jackass…” Ran mumbled, falling into the passenger seat. “I’m not that conceited bastard! Takeomi’s already gonna be mad that I took you home!” Y/N slammed the car door in anger.

Once Y/N got in, Ran was drawing on the car window with his finger. “Ooooo… Rindou, I drew a butterfly- Kinda looks like Kokonoi, doesn’t it?” The two-toned male chuckled deviously, throwing his head back against the seat.

Y/N tried to ignore Ran and whatever the hell he was on, but he continuously got on her nerves by either turning up the radio, calling her Rindou or just talking shit about Kakucho.

“You know… Rindou. Takeomi’s sister’s super pretty. You want some nieces or nephews?” Ran asked, looking out of the window. “What are you gonna do? Fuck her and leave her?” Y/N jokingly snorted, turning her blinker on. “No. I’m gonna marry her and have a big family. I’ll steal her number out of Takeomi’s phone.” Ran plotted, smirking deviously.

“You’re really stupid, Ran.”

“You’re stupid too, Rindou.”

Y/N handed a water bottle to Ran, watching him fumble with the cap. “Drink it. Hopefully, it sobers you up.” Y/N tried her best not to laugh as Ran turned the radio up. “You know… Rindou, your car looks fuckin’ different. Reminds me of Y/N.” Ran said, feeling the car finally park.

Y/N had to drag Ran in and put him on the couch. “Rindou… Are we in a hotel? Looks expensive, if you break stuff and we gotta pay, I have Kokonoi’s card number memorized.” Ran said, laying on the couch. “Mhm, everything’s gonna be alright… Ok, Ran?” Y/N frowned, watching his eyes shut.

A blanket was placed over Ran’s body as Y/N kept a gloomy expression on her face. She ended up staying up until 5 AM watching some random show.

When Ran woke up, he was completely oblivious to the events that transpired, all he knew was that he was at YOUR house on YOUR couch when he was clearly at a club with his brother and friends. “Y/N-? Y/N, wake up.” Ran said, shaking you awake.

“Oh… I was supposed to wake up earlier and cook breakfast.”

“N-No… You don’t need to do that for me. Why am I here? Did I do something?” Ran asked, watching Y/N stretch in her seat. “I was out with my friend and saw you in front of the club looking like you were dying.” Y/N shrugged.

She ended up going into full detail on what he said, did, and acted. Ran instantly choked on his spit as Y/N stifled her laughter. “You’re easy to laugh at Ran. I don’t think you realize the things you do or say until someone expresses how they feel towards you.” Y/N said, taking a sip of orange juice.

“I do know what I say. I mean everything that comes out of my mouth, Y/N. I’m not some random guy who just fucks every bitch he comes across.” Ran said, getting closer to Y/N. “Is that right, Haitani?” Y/N smiled, feeling Ran wrap his arms around her.

“Yeah, it is.”

Ran leaned in for a kiss and Y/N pulled back. “You’re an idiot, Haitani! That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen since I and Senju hid Takeomi’s cigs. Thanks for the laugh.” The woman said, walking towards her bathroom.

“Shit… Do you need an Uber or do you want me to take you?”

“I’ll… just ask Rin to take me.”

Ran was so embarrassed that he waited outside for his brother to come— And let’s just say it took him a good 50 minutes to even get his older brother.

“What the hell happened last night? You look stressed!”

“I’ve got a long way to go, Rindou.”

“Dude, what the fuck are u talking about ☠️?”

————

Basically, I wanna make a part two and upload way more diff fics, but I honestly might not be able to due to school :(

☆.

[dcmainlybillythoughts]

Aw, I like Beck! Very cute! I have had many different names over the many years I've been on this hell site. Diamond, Angst, Copper, Delphi, Purrloin to name a few. I quite like Beck and I think it will fit in very nicely with my list of other names.

I think Billy would ramble like that, but as a panic response. An inner monolog of "oh God why am I still talking why won't my mouth stay shut oh fuck oh fuck- I need to stop talking now! Why aren't the words stopping!!" And he ends up punching himself in the face. Of course this alarms everyone and he just waves them off as he says, "it's fine. Sometimes I ramble when I get nervous and that's the easier way to stop it."

Also Bruce, who has simply been watching most of this, finally speaks up and says, "you sleeping on the streets is not acceptable or safe. You have two options Captian. You can stay here on the Watchtower and make it your home, or I have a few contacts in and around Fawkette who could sign for an apartment for you to live on your own. Of course, either way food and spending money will be supplied to you." As much as it breaks his heart, he knows that city needs Captian Marvel. He knows Billy is the only one who can keep Black Adam contained. He knows Billy would hate and fight the idea of being adopted or even just fostered by Bruce Wayne all the way in Gothem. But he also knows that even if he can't take Billy in he can at least help him stay off the streets.

You know what I take it back, he would do that. Billy is the kind of guy to start nervous rambling with big words over the smallest things. Also live for how his response is to just punch himself in the face.

Imagine while he's rambling on all everyone else sees is one of his shaking hand raising up and then comes crashing down onto his cheek. Billy then has fun again explaining that yes he just consciously decided that punching himself in the face was the best option.

After Bruce tells Billy he gets food and spending money I wonder how long it takes for him to think about school. I bet he'd be so excited to know that he gets to learn with other kids his age now, of course after he gets caught up on what he missed.

Oh I also bet he's hesitant about using the spending money, after so many years out of touch with his wants it would take Billy a while to adjust to let himself not feel bad about buying something. He would also buy other people stuff and donate money, no questions asked

-----

Glad you like the name Beck! Thanks for stickin' around

[theycallme-thejackal]

Snowflakes melting on your skin

Pairing: Lenny Bruce & Midge Maisel Rated T

As she looks up at the billboard showing Gordon Ford's face, she feels a jacket being draped over her shoulders, a familiar scent flooding her senses.

"Jesus, Miriam, you'll catch your death out here."

She laughs softly and turns to look up at her ex-fiancé. "What on earth are you doing out here?" She asks, her voice raised over the howling of the blizzard around them.

Benjamin shrugs. "I liked Lenny Bruce’s act so much when we saw him on our first date, I thought I'd get tickets to see him tonight. And since I'm a donor..."

"You got to come backstage and enjoy the party," she finishes. He guides her back toward the theater, leading her into the (thankfully still open) lobby.

The snow starts to melt on her skin, and she brushes the droplets from her face. "Figured I might see you here," he says. When she looks at him questioningly, he adds, "You’re friends, right?"

Midge nods. "I'm not so sure about that right now," she admits. "He, um...just spent a good amount of time yelling at me."

His face contorts in confusion. "Why?"

"I've been making some...questionable career choices lately. I got booted from the Shy Baldwin tour for...well suffice it to say, I deserved it."

Benjamin considers her for a moment. "You know, when I was doing my internship at the hospital, I had to perform an appendectomy for the first time. Everything was fine, but I failed to finish off the suture correctly," he explains.

"That sounds bad."

"It was. The patient got an infection, and my attending had to go back in and fix my work. For weeks, I couldn't even pick up a scalpel without my hands shaking - I was so scared of making another mistake."

"Well you do work in a life-or-death profession," she points out, lifting her brows.

"And one day I was sitting in the on call room, freaked out about another procedure I was scheduled to perform, and my attending comes in and hands me my ass."

She chuckles. "Really?"

"Oh, yeah. There was a lot of cursing - he smacked me upside the head at one point - and then he said, Man up. You made a mistake. Just don't do it again." Benjamin smiles softly and shakes his head. "And I went back in and performed the surgery exactly like I knew I should. I've never made that mistake since."

Midge exhales slowly as the weight of his anecdote hits her. "I hurt someone I really care about. And then I hurt someone else I care about even more. I just..." She feels herself starting to tear up. "I don't know how to stop."

He sighs, shaking his head. "I don't know how to say this without sounding like the bitter ex..."

"Give it to me straight," she replies. "I...I hurt you. And you've yelled at me already, but you are more than deserving of another shot," she reasons, bracing herself.

He considers her for a moment before finally saying, "Start thinking about other people. You can be an incredibly compassionate person, but you are also...so very selfish."

Midge worries her lip between her teeth. She knows he's right. All of the mistakes she's made in the last year were because of her own selfishness. Her pride. "That's absolutely fair."

"Stop making everything about you," he continues. "I don't know what mistakes you've made, but in all that time, have you considered how this affects Susie?"

That's what stops her heart. Because as much as she cares for Imogene, her parents, her kids...Lenny...the person she's fucked over the most in the last year is Susie. Her best friend. Her partner. "Shit," she mutters, burying her face in her hands. "I'm a fucking monster," she grumbles.

She feels Benjamin's hands grip her shoulders. "Just...start considering how your actions affect the people around you. You have good intentions, but you've gotta look at the end game."

His choice of words makes her choke out a mirthless laugh. "I've really fucked up," she says, dropping her hands and shaking her head.

“Then fix it,” he shrugs. “Make amends. I’d bet a year’s salary he’ll forgive you like that.” He snaps. Midge quirks a brow at him, and he chuckles. “All it took was one look at the guy to know he’s nuts about you.”

Midge sighs. “I was telling the truth when - ”

“I know you were,” he interrupts, waving his hand dismissively. “You didn’t handle things well, but I know you never lied to me.”

She looks up at him and cocks her head. “Why are you being so nice to me? I was awful to you.”

Benjamin smiles. “Because holding grudges isn’t healthy.” He leans in conspiratorially. “And I should know. I’m a doctor.”

It makes her laugh softly, and she looks toward the exit. “I should probably...”

“And I should go get the car. My girlfriend is waiting for me to bring it around.”

She raises her brows. “Girlfriend, huh?”

He nods in confirmation. “Her name is Beth. She’s beautiful and weird and a little mean.”

“Just how you like ‘em,” she replies easily.

“And you’ve got a friend to talk to, so...I’m gonna get out of your hair,” he says, jerking his thumb toward the doors.

She sighs with a grin and gives him his jacket. “Thank you, Benjamin. And...I really am sorry for how I treated you.”

He gives her a soft smile and a nod. “Thanks, Midge,” he says before heading out into the storm.

[uncozy-unrose]

Comfortember Day One : Hugs

Fandom: Stranger Things ♡ Main: Jonathan (non-minor) ♡ Ship: Stonathan ♡ Features: Old Injury flare ups, hiding pain, rainy day cuddling, grumpy baby vs sunshine baby, hot water bottles, and warm blankets.

Read on AO3

Sometimes it worsened when it he was overworked. Sometimes, it was when it was cold. Most of the time it was when it rained. 

Today it was all three. 

Jonathan lay still on the couch, eyes firmly pressed closed in an effort to calm his breathing. Every breath seemed to make the gnawing ache in his back even worse. A ratty pillow was shoved under his spine in a desperate attempt to keep him in a comfortable position, and a thick crochet blanket was draped over his frame to provide some much needed warmth. It also served to hide his hands, which where tensing and releasing with each wave of pain. 

It had been a few years now since a metal stool had been hammered into Jonathan’s back as he licked the cold linoleum floor of the Hawkins Memorial Hospital. A few years should be enough to quell the repercussions of fighting a minion of the mind flayer, but he could still feel the pain as clearly as he could see the horrifically violent face of Bruce Lowe.

Jonathan could hear the rain begin to get worse outside, coming down in vicious sheets. the wind howled loudly, almost concerningly so, and Jonathan audibly cursed as he realized he had not closed the kitchen window after an incident with burning his eggs this morning. He cursed even louder when he hastily rolled off of the couch and began to sprint toward the kitchen, causing his back to scream out wildly. One hand flew out to grip the counter in order to steady himself, and the other reached for the top of the window, but Jonathan was unable to muster up enough strength to push down hard enough to close it. 

A bright voice, contradicting the tone of the current situation, rang out as Jonathan heard the front door swing open and bang into the wall behind it. 

“Honey! I’m home!”

Jonathan stiffened at the noise. Straightening his frame to the best of his abilities, he swallowed his pain and called out to his boyfriend. 

“Steve!”

Jonathan had been hiding these miserable back flare ups from Steve for forever. That wasn’t the always plan, bet then again, dating Steve Harrington wasn’t the plan either. If you ask Jonathan, he would say he wasn’t technically hiding his plight from the other man, he simply just hadn’t had a good time to mention it. If you ask anyone else though, they would say that it was a combination of Jonathan’s reticence and general need to not be a bother.

A mess of dripping brown hair turned the corner, and with it, a smiling Steve. His gleeful expression promptly fell as he saw Jonathan struggling with the window, rainwater pooling around his feet as it blew fiercely through the frame. Steve gripped the window with both hands and helped push it closed, hearing Jonathan’s hearty sigh of relief when the deed was done. He noticed his gray t-shirt speckled with raindrops and his poor socks were drenched.

“Hey, are you alright, Byers? You’re soaked!” 

Jonathan let out a choked laugh. 

“Are you kidding? I’m soaked? You look like a wet dog.”

“Hey now, I just saved the apartment from getting flooded, so…”

Jonathan smiled and apologized with a quick kiss, his hand still firmly gripping the kitchen counter. Steve grinned. 

“Well, let’s get in some dry clothes. It’s fucking freezing in here.”

The pair made their way into the small hallway adjacent to the kitchen and then into their bedroom. Jonathan watched as Steve peeled off his damp clothes and replace them with a dry fleece tracksuit, picking the brief moments where his back was turned to begin taking off his own clothes. The ache in his back turned into a biting sting as he raised his arms over his head and he didn’t want Steve to notice. 

Jonathan successfully slipped his warmest knit sweater over his torso and managed to get his arms through the sleeves without blowing his cover. He was even able to bend down to swap his damp socks with dry ones, concealing his twisted grimace from the man just a few feet to his left. After cautiously straightening himself up and resting a steadying hand on his dresser,  Jonathan replaced the grimace with a sweet smile as he watched Steve rough up his hair with a towel in an attempt to get it dry. 

Steve tossed the towel onto the bed between them and peered at Jonathan through a jungle of tangled waves, returning the smile. 

“Well, that was a bit chaotic, huh? Can we start over?”

Steve raked his hand through the mop on his head, pushing it back into submission. He strode over to a slightly shivering Jonathan with open arms, not noticing the fact that the shorter man’s eyes had widened to the size of saucers. Muttering a quiet “C’mere”, he pulled Jonathan in for a hug. 

Stiffening, Jonathan could not hold back a wince as he tucked his head between Steve’s neck and shoulder. He managed to slide his hand off of the dresser and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. If he was being honest, Jonathan didn’t even mind the discomfort gripping his spine. For the first time today he actually felt warm. 

Appreciating the support he was getting, both physically and emotionally, Jonathan let himself melt into the embrace. Steve’s smile broadened and he responded by gently tightening his grip, unknowingly sending an excruciating wave down the other man’s back. The stifled whimper that escaped Jonathan’s throat startled Steve, causing him to pull back and grasp his shoulders.

“Hey? Hey, what’s wrong?”

Noticing the tears threatening to spill on to Jonathan’s cheeks, Steve flung into autopilot and drew him in to his chest again, hugging him close. Jonathan let out a louder yelp this time as he stepped backwards, taking a hasty seat on the bed and twisting the sheets tightly between his fingers. Steve dropped to his knees and placed a gentle hand on Jonathan’s tensed one in front of him.

“Jon, talk to me…”

Swallowing thickly, Jonathan managed to open his eyes and face not only Steve, but a secret that has been looming over him for several years now. 

“Sorry, uh…” he sniffled, “It’s just my back…”.

“Oh… did you hurt yourself?”

“No, it just does this sometimes.”

Steve shifted from his position on the floor to sitting on the bed next to Jonathan, placing a supportive hand on his bouncing knee. 

“Sometimes?”

“The rain makes it worse… And the cold.”

Steve’s brow furrowed in concern. He looked down at his feet.

“Oh yeah, my mom’s shoulder gets like that when it rains, but she fucked it up in high school… cheerleading accident. Did you ever hurt your back?”

Jonathan let out a dark chuckle and explained the violent events of Hawkins Memorial, but now in more detail than Steve had heard before. It took everything for Steve to bite back chastising words like ‘you should have told me sooner’, and ‘why haven’t you seen doctor?’. Instead he fell into the role of caretaker, a role in which Steve was naturally gifted, especially when it came to Jonathan. 

Steve kissed away a tear that was making its way down Jonathan’s cheek, choosing not to mention it out loud. He then stood and made his way to the bathroom, turning on the tap and opening the medicine cabinet. He tucked a bottle of aspirin under his arm, filled the cup next to the sink with water, and adjusted the tap to a warmer temperature, letting it run as he ran to the bedroom to place the medicine and cup into his boyfriends slightly trembling hands. 

Jonathan’s lips tugged at a grateful smile and placed the cup on the bedside table. After shaking two pills into his hand first, then tossing them back into his mouth, Jonathan sipped at the water and watched Steve leave and then re-enter the bedroom holding a hot water bottle. He placed the hot water bottle on the bed and snaked his hand up Jonathan’s sweater, brushing his gentle fingers down his spine, making him shudder. 

“Can you lay on this? The heat will help.”

Steve moved his hand to behind Jonathans nodding head and guided him down to a comfortable position, the hot water bottle situated evenly under his lower back. Letting out a satisfied groan, Jonathan practically melted into the mattress below him. Steve grinned as the other man let his eyes flutter shut in a moment of relief. He shifted on to his hip and lowered his own body down to cuddle up next to Jonathan, pulling a blanket over the both of them.

“Hey, stupid”, Steve half-whispered, peering up through his eyelashes. 

Jonathan  scrunched up his nose, then looked down at Steve, letting out a light laugh.

“Hey…”

“Thanks for being honest, love. I know you never want to inconvenience anybody, but just know that I kind of like taking care of your ass.”

Jonathan chuckled through a few more escaped tears, communicating both gratitude and understanding. The sound blended with the rain drumming rhythmically on the bedroom window, and soon the pair succumbed to sleep, Jonathan breathing much easier than he had been able to before.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

TMMM—Joel gets back together with Penny Pann. Chaos ensues.

(Let's put this in Joshy continuity. Also, I really don't think this is in character for Joel? But it's fun to mess around with really wild stuff like this so here we go!)

There's a banging on the front door of their brownstone, and Midge frowns deeply.

Lenny is working tonight. He's got a TV spot on the Late Show, and it's just been her and Kitty, staying up late, watching him on TV while Joshy sleeps soundly upstairs. He's not even one yet, and strangely, very sweet and quiet, which Midge did not expect at all.

The knock comes just after Lenny wraps his set on TV, thankfully, so she won't miss it.

Midge gets to her feet and peeks out the window next to the door before opening it quickly. "What-?"

Her two children, and their little half-brother are standing there, looking tired, and unhappy. "What are you doing here?" she asks worriedly as she ushers them in.

"Things got dumb at Pop's house," Ethan informs her. At fourteen, he's the oldest of all five kids in the Bruce/Maisel clan, and he generally takes charge when things go south.

Things, clearly, have gone south.

Esther is ten now, and a spitfire. "Sassy," Moishe calls her, though Midge's own mother calls the little girl "Miriam 2.0."

She looks angry.

"What's going on?" Kitty asks, looking confused. She's only a year younger than Ethan, though she acts about twenty-five most days.

"Daddy doesn't love Mommy anymore," Lan tells them. He's seven now, and looking pretty tearful all things considered.

Midge stares at the little boy in shock before turning to Ethan, who deflates and puts a hand over his mouth. A learned gesture he's seen Lenny do a million times.

"Daddy brought Penny Pann home when Mei took us out to dinner," Esther explains, finally. "He said he had to work at the club tonight, but he was really having sex with Penny Pann!"

Midge stares, feeling even more shocked.

"We came home and she was still there," Ethan explains. "In Pop and Mei's bed."

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," Midge snaps.

"Midge, you're not supposed to say fuck," Kitty reminds her. "Remember?"

"Right," she says, nodding, still shocked. "Of course. I will fill the swear jar later. How did you three get here?"

"Mei dropped us off," Ethan explains.

"And where is Mei going?"

"Either to put a hit out on Pop or to stop her family from doing so," Ethan responds.

Midge takes a deep breath, and lets it out, before nodding. "Okay. Okay. It's late. Ethan, is it okay if Lan sleeps in your room with you tonight? He doesn't usually stay here, and I bet he could use his big brother."

Ethan nods, and takes Lan by the hand. "C'mon, Buddy. We can read some comic books before bed."

Kitty watches them, before turning to the girls. "You girls wanna bunk together?" she asks hopefully. "Kitty's got those nice bunkbeds in her room."

"That sounds fun," Kitty says, wrapping an arm around the younger girl. "Come on, Es, we can paint our fingernails."

Midge watches them go, thankful that it's Friday night, and none of them have to go to school tomorrow. She wanders into the kitchen and pulls a hefty bottle of bourbon down from a high shelf, before grabbing two glasses. Lenny should be home soon. He'll want one, too.

She's not wrong, either. No sooner has she finished her first glass and poured herself another, does Lenny wander in after closing the front door.

He's all smiles, too, and she hates to drop all this drama on him. He kisses her softly, smiling and brushing his nose against hers.

"What'd you think?"

"You were on fire tonight," she tells him, kissing him again before pulling away to pour him a glass.

He takes his, looking suspicious. "Something tells me that this...is not a celebratory drink."

"I really wish it was," she says apologetically. "But take comfort in knowing that you have done absolutely nothing wrong. In no way are you in trouble."

"Good to know," he says slowly, suspiciously.

"So...Ethan, Esther and Lan are here," Midge explains. "Mei dropped them off."

Lenny looks concerned that. "Did something happen? Is someone hurt?"

"No, but they're about to be," Midge tells him. "Because Mei took the kids to dinner, and Joel told them he couldn't join them because he had business at the club."

"Which...was a lie?" Lenny tries.

"It was, in fact, a great big fuckin' lie," Midge confirms.

"And they came back to the house, and..."

"He was fucking Penny Pann."

Lenny freezes, his glass halfway to his mouth, looking deeply perplexed. "Penny...the...the secretary from...with the dull pencils?"

"That's the one."

"Jesus fuck. You're first husband is dumb."

"Yes, he is."

"Hasn't that woman moved on? It's been ten fuckin' years."

"Yes, it has."

He shoots the bourbon in his drink instead of sipping it and shakes his head out. "Kids okay?"

"Oh, there's no way in hell they're okay," Midge says. "But they're settled upstairs for the night. And Joshy slept through all of it."

"Small blessings, I guess." Lenny sighs heavily and pours himself another, before offering more to her, which she readily accepts. "So...what do we do?"

Midge shrugs. "We look after the kids I guess." She sighs softly. "I should call him."

"Why, so he can cry and whine about how much he's fucked up again and then ask you to run away with him or something?" Lenny snaps. "Can we skip that and just drink our drinks and go to bed."

"But I could help."

Lenny sets his glass down and turns to her, cupping her face in both of his hands, stroking her cheeks. "You are very, very sweet. And so lovely. And Joel has dug himself yet another grave, and the only person who can dig him out? Is him. Remember when I was digging my own graves? I had to fix it. You couldn't. It was all me. It's the same principle. Just adultery instead of drugs."

Midge closes her eyes and nuzzles in against his hand. "Drinks. Bed," she agrees.

He kisses her softly and then goes back to his drink, and they both sip silently for a moment.

"God she must have the tightest pussy on earth for him to go back to that after ten years," Midge mutters.

Lenny snorts bourbon out of his nose.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

I Am Batman Part 5

Jason is tricky in this au cause like... Bryce kinda just takes him in. She has no way to explain to Dick why... until she points at Gotham who just goes: Huh, oh yes, I did didn't I?

Dick is... 17 when this happens and Jason is thirteen. Dick is thrilled to have a baby brother honestly. Alfred is just happy to have someone who likes the arts and who likes running the shop. Jason happily leaves the farm work to them.

Like no, really in my head Jason HATES farm work. He's a city boy to his bone. meanwhile his mom and older brother are hauling hay, scooping up chickens and are covered in stuff. (his other siblings are to)

it gets worse when they get the cows and pigs Bryce has wanted forever.

Of course, like Jason joining the family is hard. it's an adjustment for him and for the others, plus training him. He wants to join them, of course, and they end up going with him being a spirit of Childhood Homelessness/Poverty.

But it's... HARD. For them all. He slowly begins trusting them, and joins them on patrol at age fourteen.

More dangerous Rogues have been slipping out of the dark. Mad Hatter, Professor Pyg, Clayface, Killer Croc...

Scarecrow comes a month after Jason starts. it's not pretty.

Still, they work hard and slowly things seem to be okay. They seem fine. The family is good, Bryce knows things are great-

Then Joker comes. He destroys a hospital his first day in the city.

Gotham HATES him.

Like no really: Joker is a sickness upon the world and Gotham loathes him. Gotham keeps trying to kill him but nothing sticks. Ever.

Also, because I feel I need to toss this out: Bryce doesn’t kill. It’s out of respect to who Bruce was and because she just isn’t the type to kill either.

Of course she knows if Jason ends up like his canon self… all bets are off.

But anyway so they’re dealing with Joker. Jason is gaining some fame as well as the new Spirit. They call him Street Rat/Rat. With him around people actually begin trying with homelessness. It’s nice.

But anyway… honestly Jason has a way better time with this. Bryce listens to him more, helps him with his anger, Dick likes him and it’s just… so fucking happy.

Then Barbara at age nineteen gets shot by the Joker and paralyzed.

This is when Bryce makes a choice: "We don't kill. I don't want our hands bloody. But if it's you or him, come back alive." that's her word on the Joker. And how they deal with him after he attacks Babs is brutal.

With Batgirl missing they make a plan to have Batgirl 'die' due to 'corruption lingering and choking out the few good ones' given while her dad is rising, it's slower in this world where there isn't a Bruce Wayne funding clean ups.

Barbara and Dick break up due to a lot of stress from everything and this causes a fight with Bryce cause she's like: hey let her breathe to Dick.

Dick runs off to Bludhaven to be the Talon there. Bryce is now left with Jason and she's trying her best.

Given Bryce and Jason talk more, he tells her about finding out he was adopted by whom he thought to be his mom. (Side note: Jason has a lot of feelings about Bryce and her connection to him given he had a mom he loved even if she had her own demons. But he can't call her mom nor does she ask him to. To much.)

Thanks to this, they find out about her illegal activities and Jason decides not to go to her. It should be okay.

But nature hates a vacuum. And without Bruce Wayne being a good person in this AU, corruption at that level has risen high.

The Drakes die mysteriously, and Alfred finds a boy knocking at the shop, asking to speak to: Batman. Or her kids.

It's Tim Drake, and he has a story. Turns out his parents got into some trouble over their artifacts they brought back, and nearly bankrupted the company paying it off. People who were embezzling didn't like that.

Tim Drake knows who they are as Dixon White is a volunteer at a kid's center and he saw a quadruple somersault, the same one the Flying Graysons could do, the only people who could. (Que everyone giving Dick the stink eye)

Tim Drake is now a target. So Bryce steps in. It doesn't take to much honestly, these guys are overconfident and sloppy.

But they do hire the Joker who is only willing to given Batman is involved.

With the Joker, his thing with Batman is much more intense here. If he truly thinks he's a being or not, no one can tell. All anyone knows is that he is very intense with Batman, and the kids.

So he's more then willing to try and catch the bat.

It's messy, dangerous and as I said: nature hates a vacuum.

Jason is in a warehouse owned by Drake Industries when it blows up, Joker trapping him. Jason lives, but he has multiple burns and is badly injured. Tim was in the warehouse to though.

Tim doesn't make it. They bury a boy to young, and the city mourns. Bryce is just horrified and confused.

Around this time as well, they discover that the WE CEO has been hiding the Wayne Will. (The public death of a child that is proven to be caused by DI employees makes people vicious.)

And what do people discover? Thomas Wayne's bastard daughter, the person he left his stocks, and a portion of his wealth to.