#but I realise not everyone has the time or desire to learn about that

[lurkingteapot]

When I say I wish popular romanisations of Thai were less ambiguous and more consistent, it's stuff like this:

Phupha and Pat (and Pa!) have the same initial consonant sound. Pran's is different—it's the same as Kampung's "p" sound. Pran, Pa, and Phupha share an "a" sound though—the same "a" sound Kampung also has (though it's written differently (*)). Kampung's "u" sound and Phupha's "u" sound are not the same. Kampung's "p" is the same sound as the initial in Pran. Kampung and Korn share an initial. It's the same sound the names Gunn (MSP) and Gun (Atthaphan) and Kan (KPTS) start with. All three of those names are pronounced identically. Kan (KPTS) is not pronounced the same as Kan (The Eclipse). Tian does not share an initial with Toto, but Toto (BBS) and Tinn (MSP) do. If the romanisation of BBS given names and ATOTS place names were consistent, we'd have Phut and Pha and Pran (or Pa Pan Dao). (Pa the person and Pha the word for cliff do not sound the same because of tones, but that's another topic.) I could go on.

And all this is just based on consonants and vowel quality and lengths, not even going into different glyphs for the same consonant. I don't have a solution to offer for this. I 100% think authors or subtitling teams (or, y'know, REGULAR PEOPLE who just want folks who don't speak Thai to be able to put their name in writing) choosing a romanisation that looks good to them is valid. But I'm also a language nerd, so I can't quite stop thinking how much harder this makes it for folks trying to learn more about the language, or pick up more about it, either.

(Name examples and corresponding official romanisation taken from real life, A Tale of Thousand Stars, Bad Buddy Series, KinnPorsche The Series, My School President, and Our Skyy 2)

(*) Edited 2023-06-16 to add: this was a mistake stemming from too many unchecked edits and I'm sorry. Kampung's "a" is neither long nor short whereas Pran, Pa, and Phupha have long "a" sounds and Pat has a short one.

[monzabee]

hot girls support 44 – lh44

masterlist

Summary: The one where your husband realises that you are, indeed, his number one fan.

Pairing: lewis hamiton x wife!reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: cursing? (i’m not even sure), and a whole lot of fluff

Request: “Hi can you do we’re Lewis Hamilton wife is with him to see one of his races but she leaves the garage for some reason and over hears someone talking bad about her husband and she snaps and tells them straight and Lewis is watching her from a distance like damn that’s my wife”

Author’s Note: hi, hey, hello!! i don’t know if this classifies as a drabble but let’s just pretend it does because i realised that i can’t write anything under 1k? this was a very fun request to work on, so thank you to anon, and i hope you guys enjoy! good morning, noon or night wherever you are, xoxobee

Please also note that all of my works are protected under copyright, and not available for reposting on other platforms. 

Both you and Lewis are private people when it came to your relationship. It has always been that way, with him leading a lifestyle in front of the cameras, and you preferring to stay away from those said cameras as much as you can. Over time, you both developed a rhythm, a delicate balance between Lewis's public persona and your desire for privacy. It was an unspoken agreement, an understanding that you valued above all else.. You knew how much Lewis's racing career meant to him, and you admired his ability to excel under the constant scrutiny. And in return, Lewis respected your wish for a quieter, more intimate life together. It was this mutual respect that solidified the foundation of your relationship, allowing it to thrive despite the challenges that fame and attention often brought.

That is not to say that you guys were completely private, of course. You’ve had your fair share of events the two of you attended as a couple, as well as races, but Lewis is always mindful of the fact that you don’t want cameras in your faces. In the early days of your relationship, the media had tried to capture glimpses of your relationship, eager to uncover every detail and learn more about the woman who finally made him give up his bachelor status. However, Lewis, being the fiercely protective partner that he was, had firmly set boundaries to shield your personal life from the prying eyes of the world. He cherished the sanctity of your bond and understood the importance of keeping certain moments sacred and away from the public eye.

The two of you have a special routine for the race days where you decide to join him on the track – you mainly spend your time inside the Mercedes garage, instead of lingering around where the cameras are most likely to be. However, you make sure to leave the garage for celebrations for those races where Lewis is up on the podium, celebrating him with the people who support him every step along the way whom he appreciates immensely; while the podium celebrations were reserved for the public eye, the garage held its own intimate victories. It was here that you celebrated the milestones and shared the unspoken triumphs, basking in the knowledge that your presence was an unwavering pillar of support for Lewis. But for the most part, you’re happy with your routine – it’s safe, familiar and it has worked for a very long time. So you don’t really know why you decided to take Roscoe on an impromptu tour of the paddock, especially when he gives you that look which clearly says that he would rather be taking his afternoon nap.

It's a good day despite the chaos everyone on the paddock seems to be in, but then again, there’s only a few hours until the qualifying session. So, in hopes of avoiding the human traffic, you decide to take Roscoe to a more secluded area in the back. As you walk, Roscoe happily wagging his tail by your side, you take in the sights and sounds of the paddock. The familiar smell of rubber and gasoline fills the air, mingling with the excited murmurs of fans and the distant roar of engines. It's a world you've come to know and appreciate, even if from a slightly different perspective. Lost in your thoughts, you suddenly hear voices growing louder as you approach a group of people gathered in conversation. Curiosity gets the better of you, and you slow your pace, intending to discreetly eavesdrop before continuing on your way. But as you get closer, you realize the topic of their conversation hits closer to home than you expected.

In hindsight, you know better to get involved in situations which might cause you to bother yourself with rude, petty people, but when it concerns your husband and everything that he has worked hard his entire life for, you don’t even hesitate. With the fierce protectiveness you feel inside, you clear your throat to get the attention of the engineers, “Excuse me,” you say as you give them a (fake) smile, “could you repeat that again, please?”

The group falls silent, their faces registering surprise and perhaps a touch of embarrassment. They exchange glances, seemingly unsure of how to respond to your unexpected intrusion. “We just meant that–” The man is quickly silenced by one of his friends elbowing him in the side.

You ignore the silent ow that comes from the man’s mouth and give the trio a stare down. “Well, I guess everybody is entitled to their opinions.” Your sweet smile and dulcet tone is enough to think them that everything is fine, but you’re quick to continue voicing your thoughts, “But that doesn’t give you the right to undermine a man’s hard work, especially when he has broken record after record and don’t even get me started on the fact that not only he is a pioneer in this sport, he is also a role model and inspiration to many and has impact beyond the track.” You let a frustrated hum, “Also, have some respect, the guy is an eight-time world champion.”

The guy who spoke before looks confused as he attempts to point out, “He won it seven–”

“Do you want me to let Roscoe attack you?” You ask as you point to the puppy sitting next to you, who, in hearing his name, looks up at you; all panting and happily sticking his tongue out.

Little do you know, Lewis had been watching the entire scene unfold from a distance, a mix of admiration and adoration in his eyes. He waits until the engineers leave in a hurry, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed on his chest. A smile tugs at the corners of Lewis's lips as he watches you handle the situation with such grace and confidence. As you turn around, ready to head back to the safety of the Mercedes garage, your eyes meet his, and a surge of warmth fills your heart. Walking towards you, Lewis closes the distance between you, his steps purposeful and full of pride. His arms quickly find their place on your waist as he mumbles, “Damn, that’s my wife.”

You roll your eyes at his antics, your face quickly mirroring the smile he gives to you. “Didn’t you see the sign? Apparently, ‘hot girls support 44’.”

“Is that so?” He hums, letting his hands wonder towards the back pockets of your jeans as he continuously presses kisses along your jaw, “It’s definitely right.”

As Lewis's lips trail along your jawline, sending shivers down your spine, you playfully swat at his chest. "Behave, Mr. World Champion. We're in a public place," you whisper, trying to suppress the laughter bubbling up inside you.

Lewis chuckles softly, his eyes sparkling with love and mischief. "Can't help it, love. Seeing you stand up for me like that, it's a turn-on," he teases, his voice laced with admiration. "But you're right, let's save the public displays of affection for later."

With a shared understanding and a silent promise, you and Lewis turn, making your way back to the familiar comfort of the Mercedes garage. In each other's presence, you find solace and strength, ready to face whatever lies ahead. And as Roscoe happily trots beside you, you can't help but feel grateful for the extraordinary life you share with the man who has captured your heart, both on and off the track.

[utterlyotterlyx]

Can I request something where Azriel has to pick up Nyx from school one day and thinks his teacher is cute & is very flirty with her?

Yes! Love this idea so much!

When I Kissed The Teacher

Azriel x Fem!Reader

Summary - Feyre loves Nyx's teacher but loves playing matchmaker even more. After sending Azriel to collect Nyx from school one day after feigning a studio related emergency, she's very happy to learn that Azriel's affections are completely in the palm of your hand.

Warnings - none really, just cuteness all round

Feyre had always been worried about sending Nyx off to school, even though she believed Rhys when he told her that the schools of Velaris were the best in Prythian, she couldn't help but feel anxious that he wouldn't thrive.

Then she met you, and all of her worries faded away.

You were everything Feyre wanted in a teacher for her child, it had taken a lot of weight throwing to get him into your class, it was full to the brim of children from higher born families, only wanting the best for their offspring. Feyre wasn't even surprised.

It was clear how much you cared about your children, in nurturing them into intelligently creative creatures. Other teachers focused solely on the academics, but you had a passion for the arts, you said creativity helped children to find their passions and grow into more compassionate and joyful souls.

Nyx had run into her arms when she had come to collect him that first day, babbling on about what a wonderful time he had with you. Miss Y/L/N. Feyre had never seen such wonderment in his eyes when he told her in that broken infant language how great you were. Everyone's worries about Nyx becoming a shell had vanished.

The little thing had returned home with paintings, reciting poetry from your favourite passages; he had the desire to read, making different voices for the different characters like he had learned from you. Nyx was well and truly flourishing.

Feyre had insisted that you walk home with them one afternoon, since you only lived five minutes from the River House and it was on your route home anyway. From that walk, Feyre had learned much about you, that you were from Spring but left after being disowned by your family for wanting more from life than being married away to be used as a breeding tool. After that you had travelled the continent, making many friends along the way and opening your mind to the world before settling in Hewn City, only to be brought to Velaris on Rhys' orders because he had heard of your talents and passion and wanted it taking root in the children of his city.

The more you spoke, rambling on about art and books and theatre, did Feyre come to the realisation that a certain someone would be absolutely besotted with you. When you had hugged Nyx goodbye, ruffling his hair and telling him you'd see him in the morning, did Feyre begin to hatch her plan.

Azriel wasn't one for sunshine and rainbows, but even he had to admit that Nyx's and Feyre's gushings about you had him intrigued, even Rhys had commented on how sweet you were, seemingly very fond of how Nyx was excelling under your wing.

"Az, would you mind grabbing Nyx today? I have to head to the studio, delivery emergency," Feyre floated past him toward the door, a thin cloak fitted around her shoulders to protect her from the afternoon summer breeze that drifted along the Sidra.

"Uh, yeah. Sure," he waved Feyre from the house as she dashed down the path shouting over her shoulder what time to be at the school for.

The sun was beginning to dip in the sky but warmth still flew through Velaris, Azriel walked along the winding paths and up the hill to the school, the skittering sound of children's laughter filling his ears as he approached. Parents parted as he walked down the cobbled stone path, not wanting to graze against his wings with slight unease in their eyes. Azriel was used to it by now, the looks of disapproval, the slight fear in the people he passed.

The bell rang and birds shot to perch on the branches of the trees that surrounded the plush gardens teeming with bright flowers and wildlife. Children began to file out from the open door, grabbing their bags and running to their parents with wide smiles, excited to tell them what you had taught them that day.

Azriel spied the inside wall littered will paintings and cards, all addressed to you, as well as a wooden table filled with the gifts the children had no doubt made their parents purchase for you.

Then he saw you, and the Shadowsinger audibly gasped. There you were, dressed in a loose white blouse with stringed corset, an earthy brown skirt that fell to the floor covered in colourful handprints that reached your thighs, your hair was unbound and baby hairs whispered along the sides of your face.

You were sunshine. You were radiant.

Nyx's hand was curled in your own as you led him out of the classroom and Azriel could have sworn he'd never seen a brighter look on anyone's face as the little man searched the crowd, "Uncle, Az!"

Your gaze had also fallen on him and you drank in his smile as Nyx left your grip and hurtled to the Shadowsinger, his grin was large, showing off all of his teeth as he bent down and wrapped Nyx in his toned arms, laughing loudly and asking about his day before standing up.

"I don't think we've ever formally met," you held your free hand out, your other carrying Nyx's bag, "I'm Y/N, well, Miss Y/L/N."

You were as soft as summer rain, adoration in your orbs, and you radiated purity and grace. Azriel glanced at your outstretched hand, sliding his own into it and feeling a force of gravity will him closer to you, "So you're the one that has Nyx ready for school at the crack of dawn," he felt relief when you didn't recoil at his hand in yours, the hands that usually made people grimace, "Azriel," you giggled softly, tucking a strand of hair behind your pointed ear.

High Fae.

"Guilty as charged," your voice was like butter, smooth and rich, the perfect balance of femineity.

"Can't say I blame him," he smirked at the heat that rose to his cheeks, at the sheepish smile that tugged at your lips.

"That's very nice of you to say," one of your students walked past you, waving goodbye, and Azriel watched you bend down and fix her jacket to her body, telling her to have a lovely weekend in the sun, "Nyx has had a lovely day today. He just keeps on flourishing, it's remarkable," you had told him once you had risen again.

"I'm sure anyone could flourish with you around. Must be the Y/N effect," he cocked his head to the side at your giggle, just happy to be able to examine the woman who had Nyx all excited every morning. Feyre and Rhys were right, you were remarkable. Like a rainbow rippling in a storm.

"Must be it," the birds jumped from branch to branch around you, like they wanted to keep an eye on you for as long as possible, flitting to the bird houses you had erected by the pond of ducks and in the trees.

"Would you like to walk home with us? Feyre mentioned that you didn't live too far from the house?"

Your mouth fell into the perfect o shape, "Oh, I wouldn't want to impose-"

"You're not," Azriel smiled, looking down at Nyx, shaking his little hand and asking, "Is she, Nyx? Would you like Miss Y/L/N to walk home with us?"

"Yes!" Nyx shouted and you laughed, a laugh that made the edges of your eyes crinkle, you disappeared into the building, returning a few moments later with you satchel, locking the door and taking Nyx's free hand in your own after handing his bag to Azriel.

Azriel was positive that he'd never seen Nyx shine so brightly.

The walk home was full of light chatter, you made Azriel laugh more times than you could count, and Nyx was pointing out random things along the way, looking up at you for approval and tapping his feet on the ground when you nodded and smiled.

From the house, Feyre watched through the curtains as Nyx ran up the path, and kept watching as Azriel lingered behind, she wished she could hear what he was saying to you. But as you smiled, and blushed, and then nodded at the Shadowsinger who was kicking his feet like a schoolboy, she knew it was going well.

Strong arms wrapped around her midsection and her back hit a hard chest, his deep chuckle vibrated through him and his warm breath fanned against her ear, "Playing matchmaker again, darling?"

Feyre hummed with a gentle smile, accepting the peppering kisses over her shoulder as she watched you walk away, looking back at Azriel and waving before turning the corner, "I think this is my best one yet," she told Rhys, noticing the pursed smile on Azriel's lips and the faint pink tinge to his complexion as he followed Nyx up the path.

"I'm inclined to agree."

SO CUTE!

Thank you for the request! x

[capricorn-season]

Homophobia in drag

When I was a young boy, I loved spending the night at my grandmother’s house. There, I could stay up as late as I wanted, and in the morning, there would always be Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast. But the best part was raiding the closet in her basement, which was full of the gowns she had worn in the 1960s and 1970s – frilly pink and purple confections made of lace, chiffon and silk. I would put them on and watch The Golden Girls, sophisticatedly sipping Coke from a wine glass.

When I was nine, my dad bought a video camera, a giant monstrosity that my siblings and I struggled to balance on our shoulders while we filmed home videos. Alone, I’d prop the camera on the coffee table and record myself modelling various outfits, explaining to the camera why this plaid shirt went with these cargo shorts, or why this teal Starter jacket complemented these acid-washed jeans so perfectly. I captured on camera the dance I had painstakingly choreographed to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch’s ‘Good Vibrations’.

As a kid, I followed my two older sisters around like a shadow, mimicking their mannerisms – the way they tucked loose strands of hair behind their ears when they were concentrating on their maths homework; the way they jutted their hips whenever they were talking to cute boys. Like them, I was a naturally athletic kid. My favourite sport was lacrosse, but I much preferred to play with the girls instead of the boys. The boys were quick to push and shove, and they loved to whack each other with their aluminium sticks. Girls relied more on their speed, their reflexes and the skills they’d honed to keep the ball securely cradled in the shallow mesh of their wooden sticks.

I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian community – most people would call it a cult. From kindergarten to the sixth grade, I attended the community’s tiny school. Because enrollment was so low, there was no in-crowd, no separate cliques of jocks and geeks. In retrospect, I’m sure my classmates and especially my teachers noticed my gender-nonconformity – all of my home videos prove that it was glaring – but it went largely ignored. All that mattered was that we were good Christians, that we loved Jesus and evangelised God’s Word to as many people as possible. When I learned about homosexuals in Bible class, or about AIDS (which we were told God had created to punish homosexuals for their sins), I didn’t think for a moment that I was one of them. Sure, my first real crush, when I was 11, had been on a boy – Elijah Wood, an actor about my age whose performance in the 1994 B-movie, North, had captured my heart. But at the time, before sexual maturity, I mistook the longing I felt for Elijah with the more sanitised desire to simply keep his company and be his best friend. I indiscriminately absorbed all of the lessons I learned about homosexuals, as if they were and would always be irrelevant to my life.

The summer after my sixth-grade year, my family left the community and we moved to a neighbouring town. I began seventh grade in a large public school, where there was definitely an in-crowd. My new classmates wasted little time informing me how unacceptable it was for a boy like me to behave the way I did – the way I enunciated my s-words, the way I brushed my auburn hair, which I had highlighted the previous summer with Sun-In. They called me a faggot, delivered me notes that said everyone knew my ‘dirty little secret’. They asked me frequently, ‘Are you a boy or a girl?’. Well, of course I was a boy, I would respond, trembling.

Meanwhile, I was beginning to sexually mature; I was soon developing crushes that inspired more than just a desire to keep a boy’s company. With horror, I realised that I might actually be what the kids were calling me – which, I knew in my bones, guaranteed me a tragically short life and a one-way ticket to hell. That, after all, was what the old form of homophobia entailed. Self-loathing.

To survive the onslaught, I defeminised myself. I lowered my voice, started wearing baggy jeans and sweatshirts, cut the highlights out of my hair, and replaced my Mariah Carey CDs with Nirvana. Soon, the fear and the anxiety became too much to bear, and the only refuge I found was in alcohol and drugs.

In high school, with each passing year, my drug use got worse. After graduation, I lasted one semester in college before dropping out. Two months later, at the age of 19, I had my first of several stays in a local psychiatric ward. I was delusional, addicted to drugs and suicidal.

It was during my second stay in the psychiatric ward that I was introduced to a 12-step programme, which was how I would eventually get sober in my early twenties. It was slow-going in the beginning of my sobriety to accept my homosexuality. I began to reconnect with the young boy I had once been, the boy whose interests expanded beyond what was typical for males. I experimented with bronzer and mascara, and got French manicures and pedicures.

Engaging in these behaviours felt liberating for a while, but eventually the novelty wore off. In fact, they started to feel performative. I realised I didn’t need those things to be my authentic self. My ideas, my voice, the way I treat other people – these are the things that make me the person I truly am.

In 2011, when I was 28, I fell in love with a man. The following year, I joined the fight for marriage equality. After we won that campaign, I knew I wanted to become a gay activist. I wanted to help create a world in which feminine boys and butch girls could exist peacefully in society. A world in which gender-nonconforming people were accepted as natural variations of their own sex. Minorities, sure, but real and valid nonetheless.

The trans question

In 2017, at the age of 33, I enrolled at Columbia University, New York to complete my undergraduate degree. There, I was shocked to discover how gay activism had evolved since marriage equality became the law of the land. The focus was now entirely on personal pronouns and on being ‘queer’. My classmates labelled me ‘cis’, short for cisgender. I didn’t even know what it meant. All I knew was that they called me ‘cis’ in the same cadence that the seventh graders had called me ‘fag’.

Soon, I learned about nonbinary identities, and that some people – many people – were literally arguing that sex, not gender, was a social construct. I met people who evangelised a denomination of transgenderism that I had never heard of, one that included people who had never been gender dysphoric and who had no desire to medically transition. I met straight people whose ‘trans / nonbinary’ identities seemed to be defined by their haircuts, outfits and inchoate politics. I met straight women with Grindr accounts, and listened to them complain about the ‘transphobic’ gay men who didn’t want to have sex with women.

All around me, it seemed, straight people were spontaneously identifying into my community and then policing our behaviours and customs. I began to think that this broadening of the ‘trans’ and ‘queer’ umbrella was giving a hell of a lot of people a free pass to express their homophobia.

At Columbia, I took classes on LGBT history, but much of that history was delivered through the lens of queer theory. Queer theorists appropriate French philosopher Michel Foucault’s ideas about the power of language in constructing reality. They argue that homosexuality didn’t exist prior to the late 19th century, when the word ‘homosexual’ first appeared in medical discourse. Queer theorists proselytise a liberation that supposedly results from challenging the concepts of empirical reality and ‘normativity’. But their converts instead often end up adrift in a sea of nihilism. Queer theory, which has become the predominant method of discussing and analysing gender and sexuality in universities, seemed to me to be more ideological than truthful.

In my classes on gender and sexuality in the Muslim world, however, I discovered something else, too. I learned about current medical practices in Iran, where gay sex is illegal and punishable by death, and where medical transition is subsidised by the state to ‘cure’ gays and lesbians who, the theocratic elite insists, are ‘normal’ people ‘trapped in the wrong bodies’. I privately drew parallels between the anti-gay laws and practices of Iran and what I saw developing in the West, but I convinced myself I was just being paranoid.

Then, I learned about what was happening to gender-nonconforming kids – that they were being prescribed off-label drugs to halt their natural development, so that they’d have time to decide if they were really transgender. If so, they would then be more successful at passing as the opposite sex in adulthood. Even worse, I learned that these practices were being touted by LGBT-rights organisations as ‘life-saving medical care’.

It felt like I was living in an episode of The Twilight Zone. How long were these kids supposed to remain on the blockers? And what happens in a few years, if they decide they’re not ‘truly trans’ after all, and all of their peers have surpassed them? Are they seriously supposed to commence puberty at 16 or 17 years of age? These questions rattled my brain for months, until I learned the actual statistics: nearly all children who are prescribed puberty blockers go on to receive cross-sex hormones. Blockers don’t give a kid time to think. They solidify him in a trans identity and sentence him to a lifetime of very expensive, experimental medicalisation.

I wondered how different these so-called trans kids were from the little boy I had been. Obviously, I grew up to be a gay man and not a transwoman. But how could gender clinicians tell the difference between a young boy expressing his homosexuality through gender nonconformity, and someone ‘born in the wrong body’? I decided to dig deeper into the real history of medical transition.

Medicalising homosexuality

What I learned validated all of my worst fears. I learned that for decades after their invention, synthetic ‘sex hormones’ were used by doctors and scientists who sought to ‘cure’ homosexuality, and by law enforcement to chemically castrate men convicted of committing homosexual acts.

I learned about actress and singer Christine Jorgensen, one of the first people in the US to become widely known for having ‘sex-reassignment’ surgery in the early 1950s. Jorgensen may now be celebrated by the modern ‘LGBTQIA+’ community as a trans icon, but he seemed more concerned with escaping his homosexuality, which he said was ‘deeply alien to my religious attitudes’. As Jorgensen put it, ‘I identified myself as female and consequently my interests in men were normal’.

I learned that of the first adolescents to be treated for gender dysphoria (or what was then called ‘gender identity disorder’) with puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones in the 1990s and early 2000s, the vast majority were homosexual. And I learned that these studies inform current ‘gender-affirming care’ practices.

Soon, I met detransitioned gay men who had sought an escape from internalised and external homophobia in a transgender identity. They continue to suffer severe post-surgical complications, years after their vaginoplasties.

I began to fear we had reached a point of no return a couple of years ago, during a conversation I had with a supposedly ‘progressive’ friend. I told her that, if I had been a young boy now, I likely would have been prescribed puberty blockers and gone on to medically transition. ‘And you don’t think you would’ve been happy as a transwoman?’, she asked me. Her question left me speechless. I couldn’t find the words to state the obvious: that I am a gay man, not a transwoman; that statistics tell me my medical transition may not have been successful; and that I would suffer severe medical complications. In any case, if I had transitioned, I wouldn’t be living an authentic life. After all, isn’t that what this is supposed to be about? Living authentically?

Sylvester, an androgynous disco icon of the 1970s and 1980s, was once asked what gay liberation meant to him. He answered, ‘I could be the queen that I really was without having a sex change or being on hormones’. Perhaps I belong in an earlier era, when newly liberated gays and lesbians rebelled against the medical and psychiatric experiments they had long been subjected to. Perhaps my early aspiration of expanding what it means to be a boy or a girl was nothing but a pipe dream. In Europe, there is hope that these medical experiments will cease, and that gay and lesbian adolescents will be spared from a lifetime of medicalisation. But in the US, nearly eight years after same-sex marriage became the law of the land, it is full-steam ahead with these homophobic practices.

For voicing my concerns about gender-affirming care for minors, I have been called a transphobic bigot. If that’s what speaking out against the medicalisation of homosexuality makes me, then so be it.

[krahk]

Blood for Ruin

Part 1 : Part 2 : Part 3

Masterlist

Alastor x OFC/Reader (no use of Y/N)

Part Four

(Or, Alastor Learns Hell Hath No Fury…you know the rest)

18+ Minors DNE, Smuttempt below.

Alastor and you had come to a respectable agreement in a considerably quick amount of time given the fact that the two of you were hesitant to even speak to one another. He still had free reign, his excuse being that he had already navigated Hell for nearly a century virtually unscathed and was immensely powerful. He also brought up that it was just unsafe for any women to be wandering around Hell in general. All the unscrupulous, unsavoury, and demented sinners loved to continue their victim count in the underworld. You were a target simply because of your gender. And gentlemen did not let women they knew walk straight into danger. He mentioned that was partially the reason Nifty stuck around him so long. He provided a safe area for her to be herself without being exploited due to her very strange mind. His concern for the little woman was touching, since you had assumed he had no good bone in his body.

You, however, would stick around the hotel mostly, but you were not limited to just your room as Alastor had first suggested. You would also be able to leave, but Alastor would be your chaperone. Having him around almost guaranteed distance from other sinners due to their fear of the Radio Demon. You could also leave with Husk, but only locally, and he would call for Alastor immediately if you would try anything funny. Alastor had told Husk about your attack and used your trauma as a reason for your constant babysitting. He wasn’t pleased about his new duties, but he certainly couldn’t refuse the Overlord.

And for a couple of weeks, this arrangement worked just fine for you. You didn’t suddenly need to leave the hotel a bunch, you preferred staying in anyway. Part of it was still just that you were still freshly dead, didn’t have to work, and there were enough things around this old building that needed attention. You started reorganising the library as a job, remembering that the state of it was less than desirable. It was still a mess, and currently it felt as if you were trying to polish a turd making it look presentable. Charlie’s father was arriving soon, called as a last resort to help her with the hotel. Pressure was on this morning, since the woman was clearly trying to work through some emotional baggage waiting regarding her father. Taking a step back and realising there really was no chance, you just wrote ‘Women’s bathroom’ on a piece of paper and fingers crossed the Devil was a gentleman. As you were sticking the paper on one of the double doors into the room, Angel walked by and barked out a laugh.

”You really think that’s gonna keep the man out, toots? Props for trying I guess.” Ending with a wink. You chuckled back in return, explaining your reason. ”I mean, he doesn’t really need to check every room out, but what if he’s a total perv? I know lots of powerful men that are totally into that shit! Overlords, even. Right Smiles?” Angel had directly that last statement to Alastor, who had come up from behind him and was now looking at your sign, perplexed. He waved his fingers and your sign turned into a shiny gold placard, and raised an eyebrow looking to your face for a reaction. You smiled at the sign, and nodded your head in his direction.

“Quite right to keep him out of as many rooms as possible, my dear. Fabulous idea indeed.” Oh yes, let us let him think you did this for an actual reason, and not because you get distracted trying to fix whatever Dewey Decimal system they were using in Hell. The three of you heard Charlie call for everyone to come into the foyer to wait, and you and Angel walked side by side talking about what you thought Lucifer might be like.

“Well, he’s supposed to be God’s favourite, and beautiful - like the Morningstar, so he has to be hot as fuck!”

”Mama warned me that Satan would be attractive, but since he’s not Satan and life doesn’t make any sense anymore, I figure she meant the Devil. Charlie’s gorgeous so I wouldn’t be surprised.” You stated. Angel was nodding while pursing his lips.

“Charlie’s mother is some kinda bombshell though, a total dime. I’ve never seen her but I do believe you gotta be to keep the Devil occupied.” He winked at you again, raising his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. “Don’t be a pig, Angel, try to keep that under control for the time being.”

”Hey, Fat Nuggets and I have more in common than you know, girl.” Both of you laughed at his remark, and suddenly, Charlie interrupted your little chat-

“Okay Everyone! It’s Showtime!” Opening the door to Lucifer Morningstar. The Devil.

You blasted off your confetti cannon at the same time as Husk, welcoming him to the foyer. Alastor stood alongside Charlie and it was clear from his facial expressions he was unimpressed. Like, so obvious. Eventually Charlie introduced him to everyone in the group, ending on you, where Lucifer had grabbed your hand and brought it to his mouth to politely put a kiss to the back of it, much to your surprise. You smiled in return, while he made a remark about how cute some sinners could be. Eyes darting to Alastor, it was evident that he was seething about the special attention. Putting your hand back to your side, you thanked him for the compliment and allowed Charlie to attempt to continue her tour.

However a chandelier disaster had surprised you all, and it broke Lucifer out into song. You could see where Charlie got it from.

See this part of hell you would never understand. Occasionally, people would just break out into song, like a musical. It was generally entertaining, but as a spectator sometimes you were unsure what to do. You could all hear the music, so this was something that happened with intention. Still did not make sense overall. Alastor had taken over Lucifer’s song and as it spiralled out of control swapping between the two men, you hunkered over to the wall to enjoy the show. Before long, an interloper broke in and took charge over the song. It was a female sinner, and it was clear that she and Alastor had history together.

Always one to keep to a strict schedule, Alastor reminded Charlie of the tour as he redirected the new addition. The two of them, along with Vaggie and Lucifer went their own way. You joined Angel at the bar with Alastors friend, Mimzy, and were swept up in her storytelling of Alastors history before and beginning in hell. You could tell that Husk and Mimzy had some of their own history, and it was not good. Suddenly, the main doors were busting against the frame, with yelling for the new demon coming from outside, and they had the entire building shaking. Very quickly, things went very downhill, but you were quickly pulled aside with a shadowy tendril and placed at the very back of the room, the tendril blocking you in with whatever furniture had become askew.

Of course. You were a liability. But he couldn’t very well instruct you out loud to stay safe, things were still on the down low. Like buried 20 feet deep down low. You peeked over the edge of a table that had been placed in front of you to watch the fight go down. Alastor had become…evil, to put it simply. Charlie was holding rage in at her fathers words, Vaggie was checking on staff. Pentious was running for his own eggboys to find cover. Truly never a dull moment here. You sat down and pushed yourself to the wall, hitting it with your back and pulling your knees up to your chest, holding them to you with your arms.

Almost as quick as it came, the noise was silenced. Clearly Alastor had promptly dealt with the threat, coming out a winner, and was correct about his capabilities regarding avoiding injuries. You stood up, and made eye contact with the Radio Demon, the slightest nod in approval coming from him. You climbed over the makeshift blockade, and headed towards the front door to join Angel and Husk outside. Charlie and her father had walked past you, Charlie clearly upset with him. You could tell another song was coming out, very personal this time, so you were eager to get a good distance away from it.

As you approached him, Angel had a sly smirk and a raised brow at you. “What's that look for?” You inquired, on the defence to his judgement.

”Well don’t you look fresh and clean as ever - don’t think I didn’t catch Smiles over there keeping you sa~fe.”

You scoffed in return. “Alastor is just a gentleman, he knows I’m an absolute klutz, remember how I busted myself up looking for you that one night? And then again when I missed the last step of the stairs and ate shit on my chin?” You were gesturing like a mad woman, hoping your quick and reasonable response would be believed. You only received a sceptical look in return. “Yea, I dunno if he’s that kind of a gentleman, doll. He generally doesn’t give a shit if any of us hurt ourselves. Look at Nif!” You didn’t have to look at the demon to know she was probably up to something no good.

“Nifty likes getting into trouble, and especially loves pain-“, “I love pain!” She interjected with a menacing laugh afterwards. “See! She’s a big fan. He’s simply a gentleman.” But Husk gave you a very sceptical look. He was suspicious.

“Keeping the fairer sex safe has always been a gentleman’s priority, Angel Dust. And this one in particular does like to get herself into trouble. I could not possibly allow any of our staff to be exposed to danger unwillingly.” He said, agreeing with your statement.

“You didn’t seem to give a shit about Mimzy, though.” Husk said, giving the taller demon a look with attitude.

Alastor hummed briefly, “Mimzy is more than capable of handling herself, Husker - I know her to be very capable of keeping herself safe. Why, it was why she came here! I am well known to take care of those who need help.” The look he gave the bartender was one of contention. The tension between the two was strong, and you and Angel were simply unwilling spectators in this battle. “Yea, but not without an exchange - you don’t do shit for free, everyone knows that too.” Alastors eyes thinned at him, and Husk shut his mouth after that, but it was clear he thought he had made a point before Alastor had turned on his chipper Radio persona to reply.

“I enjoy keeping people on their toes! It is a good way to keep the boredom at bay. Hah-hah!”

You breathed a small sigh of relief, avoiding eye contact from any of the men around you entirely. You watched as Lucifer gave Charlie a firm hug and left. The girl looked pleased as she informed Vaggie that they would be meeting in Heaven for a meeting. Hopefully things would continue to go her way.

Angel would simply not drop it though, just as you thought you and Alastor had made it out of the woods, he just started all over. “You got a thing for her, Smiles? You stare at her a lot too, don’t think I don’t catch ya all the time. Ya gotta crush?” Oh, Angel was just a couple drinks in already. Damn his weak constitution for strong liquor. The room became chilly, and Alastor went on a polite-ish tirade- “How dare you insult me with the notion of ever feeling anything for this pathetic creature other than pity. She is incapable of keeping herself out of trouble, but since Charlie seems quite fond of her it would do me no good to have her worry over this little doe. She is exactly as she appears - weak, scared, and lacking any form of self preservation. It is clear why she came to hell as a doe, because she is no better than basic prey. Think before you decide to insult me again.” Mmmkay. Not polite-ish at all.

“Ex-cuse me?!” You exclaimed, defensive. “You’re also a deer!” Ah yes great, what a good comeback. He sneered at you - “My appearance is laced with irony, my dear. You fulfilled your position on earth for what you are. I was simply cursed with my appearance as punishment. This is, after all, hell.” You made a few noises as interjection, but your face was beginning to burn with embarrassment. Alastor quickly turned away, obviously to avoid anyone getting a good look at his face flushing, announcing he needed to get up to his radio tower to be on time for his evening broadcast. “Such good news to be announced! I simply cannot leave anyone waiting for me!” And he swiftly disappeared into his shadows, leaving the 3 of you sitting at the bar amidst the mess. You jumped to your feet off the stool and did a little stomp and noise of frustration.

“How fucking dare him I- I swear, I’m gonna…UGH.” You grabbed your hair on either side of your head before running your hands down your face.

“What toots, what could you even do to him? He’s like, super spooky. And strong, you heard that broad earlier. He basically eats overlords for breakfast. Guess it’s easy bein’ a dick down here if you got no weaknesses.” Angel said, putting his glass on the counter and getting up himself to head upstairs.

Then it clicked. Oh-ho-ho. But he did have a weakness. A great big weakness. What a shame if someone were to abuse their power while said dick was perhaps engaged in something important…like being on the air. You laughed darkly, smiling wide. Pathetic, eh? Well, you could get him to your level. And it would be so easy, too. You turned on your heel and ran past Angel to the stairs, shouting goodnight to the lingering bodies in the foyer. You had a date with a broadcast.

Once upstairs you locked the door, and triple checked it was shut. You turned out most of the lights and turned on the warmest lamp for ambiance. Angel was always getting free PR from all sorts of businesses, most of them involved in the sex trade. And many of the free items were designed for people with a different set of sex organs than him. For some reason, about half of Hell thought Angel Dust was a girl, confused about the chest fluff. So not long ago Angel had ‘gifted’, i.e ‘ dumped’ a load of different vibrators and dildos your way.’No point lettin’em go to waste doll face!’ He had said, laughing at your red face once you had realised what he had given you. You had promptly thrown the box of intimidating items under your bed while he was trying to convince you rubbing one out was good for the soul. Something about ‘loving yourself’ being a very important step in redemption. Most nights, he was like a very annoying older brother who only made inappropriate jokes at your expense.

But tonight, oh-hoh, that box was coming out of the dark. You rifled through the objects, startled by some of the more…complicated items. Some had 2 wands, or curvy bits, some had 3 - all very intimidating. Your hand had landed on a smaller box, one with an easy to grab handle and a white rubber circle on one side at the end. You put the batteries in it, turning it on. Confused, since all your vibrators were pretty plain in the overworld, you put your hand to the white rubber. Oh! Ooohh~~.

Suction. Good god, hell thought of everything filthy, now hadn’t it? But already, just the thought of using it made you squish your legs together. You put it down on the bed. Everything needed to be perfect. You turned the radio in your room on, Alastors broadcast filling the silence. It was a musical interlude at this moment, which was perfect because you could assume he was just ignoring the little moment of arousal that passed through you just then. Putting the box and all of the more advanced items back under the bed, you stripped down and threw yourself under the covers.

Usually a date with yourself was a little more spontaneous. And not for such a vengeful reason, either. But the thought of getting him back like this, him knowing how you felt and what you were probably doing, the effect it would have on him was invigorating. And there was nothing he could do about it, either, he was not one to skip a broadcast. His ego simply wouldn’t allow it. You didn’t focus on the many ways that this could (would) blow up in your face. You were a little too excited in more ways than one now.

You started with feather touches on your clavicle, using the allusion of a faint hand being someone else’s to spark the match. You grazed over your breasts, lightly pulling on a nipple and bringing it to a peak. You put your fingers in your mouth, and pinched your nipple again, blowing cold air on it, resulting in a full body of goosebumps. By this time, Alastor was back on the air.

”Well was that not a swell piece of music? From a better time, I say! Now, focusing more on today’s great news of a meeting with the higher ups in heaven-“

Your fingers had drifted down your stomach to below your waistline and further. Small circles were being drawn on your upper thigh, heading in a spiral down to your core. You could feel how puffy you were getting, radiating heat under the blankets, and a finger rubbing over your slit bringing wetness up to your clit was clear that you were more turned on than usual. It had been a while, after all.

“-Morningstar is a…determined young lady-“ You inserted a finger, “*cough* how can we not follow in her stead? Give redemption a chance and-“ a second, only to come out and rub around your clit in a slow and steady circle. You had turned the little vibrator on at this point, bringing it down to your throbbing heat. “Come down to the …t-to the Hazbin Hotel! We’ve - hng -“

He lost his words just as soon as you had placed the little rubber ring around your clit, the strong sucking sensation making your hips jerk up from the over-stimulation immediately. You were certainly more sensitive in your new form over all, but sweet baby Jesus the sensations you were feeling were so strong you lost your breath.

As did Alastor. He coughed again, the noise coming out strong on the radio. “Apologies, listeners! It appears as if …as if our broadcast is having a diff-‘“ he took a haggard breath as you could feel the pressure building rapidly. This was accelerating far quicker than you had imagined. The toy was so strong that you didn’t even remember what the goal was anymore, it didn’t matter. Your arousal was hot and burning and it took over your mind entirely. You were matching Alastor's ragged breaths, his static taking over his voice in an attempt to cover his strange broadcast.

You were building up, up, up, until finally the dam from your little toy broke your walls down into a strong, powerful orgasm. Strongest one you have ever had. Your cunt was clenching, clit protesting at the continued abuse it was taking from the little rubber circle. You rode it out, lowering the speed as your jerking began to subside. You turned off the machine and just laid in the bed with arms at either side of your body. you could feel your wetness trailing down, surely leaving a patch of shame on your sheets.

Moments after your release, the static faded from the radio, with Alastor announcing “It appears as if we’ve had some interruption with our signal, save your ears for other nights, listeners!” Before ending the show abruptly with an upbeat jazzy instrumental. It wasn’t long before you heard a loud slam of something from the room right across the hall before you chuckled at your payback, dozing off to sleep. Best part, you thought as you were fading into slumber, was that he most certainly kept his smile through that entire ordeal. Payback can be a bitch.

And she was coming for you soon.

You wanted to play dirty? He could play dirty. You would need to be reminded not to mess with the Radio Demon…

Alastor was furious. Livid, he had thrown a few pieces of furniture into the swampy marsh within his room. How dare you compromise his show that way. To do something that…lewd as he was on the air? How very dare her. If you weren’t so intrinsically linked to his livelihood, he would skin you alive. He generally kept his mind off of such carnal pleasures, considering them a waste of time and energy - what was the point, anyway? One could not procreate in Hell as a sinner, so there was no reason why one should engage in sexual activities. That was what he thought for himself, anyway. And it had worked for him for nearly a century. Decades over the amount that you had been alive overworld! Seething, he shredded one of his sitting chairs, the stuffing shooting out of the claw marks. His antlers were proudly massive, body big, but his pants still had evidence of younterference with his night.

_____________

Buckle up readers, it is beginning. I’m reading like a thousand shitty romance books to figure out how writers can describe genitalia now my search history is ruined.

@queermaxwooo @drawings-by-meh @sirens-and-moonflowers @looking1016 @mo-0-o @blakeaha @mutifandomkid @ministarheaven @nightingale0603 @loadedwafflefries @rizzscary @bishiglomper @vividachromatic @fluffy-koalala @mkaella @readergirlstuff

[tifaisms]

RWBY and Trauma

So, i want to talk a little bit about RWBY. Specifically, with regards to its thematic storytelling. I think I made a post about this a few days ago but im gonna make a longer one here.

RWBY tackles a lot of themes in its storytelling. Death, grief, fear, trust, etc. to name a few.

One of the bigger themes is "keep moving forward", which was also Monty's motto. It is exemplified through the characters, both heroes and villains, and how they handle trauma and suffering.

The villains have pretty much all suffered. Salem, Cinder, Hazel, Mercury, Emerald, Roman, Neo, even Watts, all suffered. They experienced trauma, and hardship, and it shaped them.

The big difference between them and team RWBY is that they cannot move forward. Where team RWBY learn to grow and change. Salem couldn't accept loss, and grief, and instead turned those emotions to anger, same with Hazel, Adam, Neo, they all refused to move beyond their trauma. Yang put it pretty well in V8 - all this death and destruction because something bad happened to you once upon a time?

Trauma is inevitable. But the difference between the heroes and the villains is how their trauma impacts them going forward. And not just in a "the villains react negatively and the heroes don't" because Ruby reacted poorly, as did Blake, and Weiss in the early volumes. Qrow drinks to deal with it, and Ozpin let the betrayal he experienced define him.

The difference here is that the heroes try to grow and stop making their suffering everyone else's problem. You cannot use your trauma to justify lashing out at the world and other people. I think Kratos in God of War put it quite well - "Do not be sorry. Be better." You can't hurt people because you are traumatised, because all that does is traumatise everyone else. It isn't a justification for lashing out. Salem was traumatised, and she murdered so many people, and traumatised a bunch of other people, who will only continue that cycle.

It is worth noting that some of the antagonists do grow and change and become better. Ilia, Emerald, Hazel, and Neo are the big examples. They were all hurt by the world, and they turned to anger and violence. But Ilia is convinced by Blake that it isn't what she wants, and Blake is right. So Ilia turns away from that path. Hazel and Emerald both change and grow, and whilst Hazel gets the noble sacrifice, Emerald has to make amends for hurting people by being and doing better, and trying to make a positive impact on the world. And Neo had an entire arc culminating in her seeking revenge, and getting it, and realising that it was a hollow victory that left her with nothing but directionless grief and anger. When she had nothing to pursue, she was forced to confront the fact that she was just running from her actual feelings and lashing out. In the end, she chooses to go to the tree willingly, which is essentially willingly giving in to change and growth, because that's what the tree does.

The central conflict of the show is essentially that everyone has suffered, and experienced trauma. But it is the hero's ability and desire to grow beyond it and be better, so that they stop hurting the people around them, that sets them apart from the villains, who refuse to keep moving forward and instead just let their suffering infect everyone else, perpetuating an endless cycle of violence and conflict.

[demonpiratehuntress]

hiii! it’s the autistic anon,, i hope it’s okay if i try requesting smth a little easier to write? i was thinking maybe smth like Law and reader aren’t dating yet, maybe reader joined the crew not too long ago and so is still quiet and shy around everyone. but one day Law notices her reading a comic book he likes and strikes up a conversation about it and maybe that leads to him finding out they’re really similar in some ways? like both have a coin and comic book collection, both love tattoos, and reader even wanted to be a nurse but just didn’t have the resources for it. Law kind of develops a crush from there and u can decide how he handles it and whether or not he even realizes he has a crush at first. and i don’t mind what format either, it can be headcanons or a fic or anything! and i just want to say thank u for taking time out of your busy schedule to write for us, i love your writing and look forward to your posts everyday! i hope your day is great!! <3

hello again! of course, i'm open to a lot of other ideas :) this sounds so cute and sweet, i can definitely write this! thank you for requesting again :D i chose headcanons because they're more fun to write lol. I hope you like it!

taglist - @kabloswrld

two peas in a pod

Trafalgar Law x F!Reader

summary - the cute scenario described in the ask :)))

warnings - none

You'd always wanted to become a pirate, ever since you were little

So when Law and his crew showed up at your little island and stopped at your village to replenish their supplies - and apparently take down bandits that were terrorising you - you took the opportunity

At first Law was sceptical, wondering what you brought to his crew, but after your first venture with them he realised you could be useful, not only as a fighter but also another medic, one with more nurturing qualities and a softer touch

He would never admit it, but he was jealous of how the crew immediately went to you for help now

But after a while Law himself warmed up to you as well, and found himself seeking your company more and more often

He knew very well he could fix himself up, but chose to come to you instead just to have an excuse to talk to you and maybe learn more about you

Despite interacting with the crew for medicinal purposes, you were still shy and reserved, only speaking when you needed to

You were surprised when Law walked into your room one day, claiming that he needed your help determining what kind of sickness he was developing (he was not sick)

He caught you in your free time, so you were reading a favourite comic of yours, a secret you had managed to keep from everyone for so long - until now

"What's that?"

"Hmm? Oh, this? Nothing.."

You hid the comic behind your back, hoping Law would drop it and just focus on his non-existent sickness, but luck was not on your side today

His brows furrowed in concentration, before his eyes lit up in a way you'd never seen before

"I know that comic!"

"Wh-what? No you don't..."

"Surely you're not telling me I wouldn't recognise the cover of my favourite comic book, (Name)-ya..."

"O-of course not! I just didn't think..."

You trailed off as Law took a seat directly next to you, plucking the comic from your hands

He begins to flick through the pages with you sitting so stiff and awkwardly beside him

Eventually you relax and attempt to initiate a discussion about it with him

Which turns into a full debate over your favourite characters

You've never had this much fun talking about something before

And your captain seems so much more relaxed and at ease, and he's even SMILING as he talks

The conversation slowly goes from the comic to other shared interests between the two of you, such as his coin collection - he was visibly stunned to find out you had one too - and your desire to become a nurse, something medical-related

Law was surprised to hear that you wanted to be a nurse

Not because you didn't have the skills for it, you definitely did, but because you had chosen to become a pirate instead

When he asked what changed your mind, something weird happened in his chest when your answer was "i didn't have the opportunity or the resources in my small village...but also...you"

He didn't know what that feeling was, but he kind of liked it?

From then on, Law took every opportunity he could to talk to you about both your coin collections, your medical knowledge and your shared interest in that comic

He wanted to know why he was feeling this way, and hoped talking to you more would help him understand

But now he was just craving your presence, craving your voice and the way you passionately spoke about your interests

It wouldn't be a good day if Law hadn't gotten the chance to see or speak to you

And it was frustrating him that he couldn't figure out why he felt this way about you, and why he treated you differently to his other crewmates

Then Shachi and Penguin teased him about being in love with you

And suddenly it made sense

But for the first time ever, Law was terrified, because he didn't know what to do, this was not his forte

So obviously, he needed help, and since Shachi and Penguin were doing nothing but teasing him, he went to Bepo

You were completely oblivious to what he and Bepo were planning, thinking they were just planning the crew's next island stop

You were also oblivious to Law's feelings - mostly because he hid it well - but were completely aware of your own feelings for him

And you tried to hide it, you really did, but everyone could see the way your eyes softened when he walked into the room or spoke to you directly, the way your cheeks reddened when he complimented you or said something nice, the way you always seemed even more shy and flustered around him

Even Law noticed

But for a long time he debated whether or not to actually go through with his Bepo's plan to ask you out

He took so long that you almost gave up on him entirely

But when he did finally approach you, it was so worth it

He had planned a very romantic dinner in his room - candlelit and everything

He was so nervous the entire time, only slightly comforted by the fact that you looked nervous as well

"You look nice"

"Oh, um, thanks. So do you"

It is SO awkward for a few minutes, as you both just look at each other or the food

You decide to break the silence since it seems like Law never will

"If this is too uncomfortable, I can-"

"No!" He jumps to say, then clears his throat. "I mean, I'd like you to stay. I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this."

So you stay, and you're patient with him as he works up the nerve to tell you how he feels

In the end, you tell him you feel the same way, and like a movie, you close the date with a sweet, slow kiss - both yours and Law's pace

[speckledfiction]

Rotating laios/kabru and kabru/mithrun in my head and wondering if I can get to laios/kabru mithrun...

I like kabru/mithrun mainly because the idea of mithrun realising that he desires something is soooooo fun. Like him just having this little lightbulb moment of 'oh no I want this' and then pursuing it. Particularly if it's a queer relationship, and the reason he's able to get there is that it was a desire so deeply repressed when he was part of actual elf society that he never acknowledged it and so the demon never found it. And then you know once he did realise it was there, he'd pursue it with that super intense single minded focus... Extremely good imo. And kabru would be soooooo twitchy and paranoid about it, wondering what mithrun's angle was and what the consequences would be, so focused on everyone else's feelings that he hardly notices his own.

But then on the other hand laios and kabru... They're narrative foils. They complete each other. Kabru has to learn to eat and understand monsters, and laios has to care about people. They spend the rest of their lives together, king and counsellor. They can each offer the other genuine love and care in a way that both are desperate for and have been denied. Kabru doesn't mind explaining to laios the things he doesn't understand, and conversely laios can help kabru to shed unnecessary social constructs and be more himself. You know that when they start smooching kabru would be like "we have to be careful, this could damage your reputation as king if it gets out" and laios would be like "why? Homosexual behaviour is found in the majority of animal and monster species..." (and then talks for like half an hour before kabru can get him to go back to kissing).

And there's a version of this in my head that makes me think of that incredible sasuke and gaara comic, where laios and mithrun are kabru's boyfriends who are not really friends... Except that they do actually have quite a lot in common and I think if they ever sat down and talked they would get on really well. So over time they probably do all grow closer and maybe eventually mithrun is like damn these new desires keep piling up and we get some good three way smooches.

Do you see my vision???

[hjemne]

I think a lot of the debates between fanfic writers / intra-community hostility (particularly around how 'accurately' characters are depicted in fic and how dominant explicit fics are becoming) are because the purpose and function of fanfic are fundamentally different for different people, and so fic authors play by very different rules while still using the same label of 'fanfiction' to describe it.

There's a spectrum to the purpose of writing fanfic that I think goes from 'fanfic as a form of literary character analysis' at one end, 'fanfic as smashing barbies together and putting characters in Situations' in the middle, and 'fanfic as a safe and communal space for exploring sexual fantasies' at the other end, which is an approach best summarised by this:

So fanfic writers and readers from the character analysis group might look at the fics written by that last group and go '??? WHY are they writing Mr Blorbo like this? this is so ooc what are they doing?' and the reason is that the fic has an entirely different purpose and is for an entirely different audience. We see so much in-fighting and morality policing over fanfic because people with VERY different expectations, motivations and priorities all share the same space.

A lot of the time when you come across a fic that makes you go 'what the FUCK is this, this is so ooc/fucked up', it makes a LOT more sense when you realise the author is much further towards the 'fanfic as a medium for pornography' side of the spectrum than you are. And when you see people complaining about the prevalence of x reader or explicit dead dove fics, instead of jumping into a pro vs anti 'fiction isn't reality' debate, consider whether they are a 'fanfic as character analysis' person expressing annoyance that it is (often) increasingly hard to find those types of fic.

Both of these uses of fanfic are valid, understandable and important to protect. It's no secret that the fanfic community is dominated by women and queer people, who haven't traditionally been the target audience of erotica/porn, and who absolutely deserve a space to express and explore sexual desires/fantasies. 'Fanfic as pornography' is not above criticism, but I think it's far more helpful to criticise it as you would more mainstream forms of porn.

'Thing X is getting increasingly common in fic and we as an entire community need to step back and consider the implications of X for how it fetishises Y minority group irl' -> yes

'Character A would NOT do [kink scenario]' -> you are missing the point of that fic, I fear

'I think it's frustrating how hard it can be to find fanfic about [theme in original work], everthing on AO3 is all just self-insert or ['''problematic''' ship no. 12457] fics :(' -> this statement is not a moral condemnation of these types of fic. people are allowed to not want to read 'fanfic as porn' fics. we don't need to start fights over this.

Horny fandom please remember you are in a fandom space where people are allowed to want fandom-centric stuff. Fandom-centric people please remember you are interacting with other people, who are allowed to be horny, and that fiction is absolutely the best and safest place to explore 'extreme' kinks. Yeah, it can be annoying that everyone gets crammed into the same spaces when we all have very different ideas of what we want fanfic to be, but this is the way things are, so we need to learn to understand each others perspectives and stop jumping into fights at the slightest perceived criticism of your personal way of doing things

[indras-wife]

Thanks for responding to my first request lovely. In your opinion, what type of woman would Indra and Madara date? I cant imagine those two psychos even falling in love fr lol especially Madara

Thank you for requesting this anon💖I see Madara is becoming a prominent figure in my blog for which I am very happy. These two men are undoubtedly interesting to write about. And tbh, I couldn’t imagine Madara and even Indra feeling in love. They both are too occupied with their ideologies, so much that they have no time for love.

Nevertheless, I tried my best to describe what type of women these handsome men are looking for 👀✨Hope I did justice for the request. Feel free to send more fun ideas!

Indra

Indra is a little old-fashioned as the type of woman he would be attracted to has to be someone who is intellectual, sophisticated, doesn’t talk back and knows her place with him. Indra does not love being challenged, especially by a woman, so having a woman next to him who knows how to behave is a very important thing for him. He wants his s/o to be smart only because he is sapiosexual and having smart woman next to him turns him on different levels. A genius man needs a genius wife (in his opinion)

He is also into women who can take care of themselves and dont fully rely on a man. Since he would be busy with running leader activites, planning the next fights with Ashura, training his soldiers, etc, he wants the woman next to him to take care of herself and her responsibilites without relying much on him. If he sees her running errands, giving orders to others on what to do, he will become even more attracted to her.

He also loves women who take care of themselves and arent messy. Of course, he realises that taking care of your skin, clothes and appearences in general is not always an easy task, especially when they have kids in the future and they are running around, but he still expects hi s/o to be presentable always. Not necessarily with full face of makeup or fancy hair styles, but still looking presentable.

Indra HATES women who talk back. If his s/o talks back to him, he would not mind showing where her place is, by putting her in a harsh genjustu. He can always find someone else to be next to him, but he is so connected with his s/o already that it would hurt him a little bit looking for someone new. So his s/o has to learn to not disobey him and talk back, or else he has a perfect punishment for such acts. And to add more, punishing his s/o with a genjutsu is a very pleasurable experience for him(very sadistic…)

Last but not least, Indra wants a woman who is willing to have many children and dedicate her time to raising them into fine, smart, educated people. His lineage has to exceed Ashura's, so having as many kids as possible is the best solution for Indra. (Also he would not let his genes goto waste, No way in hell. His ego wont let him do it)

Madara

Unlike Indra, Madara likes women who can be pretty challenging, especially in fights. The excitement he feels when his woman challanges his ideas about the world is undescribale. He enjoys listening to his love's passionate ideologies about the world, patiently waiting for her to finish s he can crush down her each and very point. He enjoys being in verbal fight with his s/o more, than being in an actual fight in a battlefield.

Madara is also someone who would not date a commoner. In his eyes, he is a God, and next to a God has to be someone who is close to his level. A commoner would be too afraid to even be next to him, while a woman of aristocracy would look perfect next to him. To add, Madara always knew that his status as a nobleman would guarantee him a noble wife when the time came , so the idea of a marriage with a commoner was always off putting and even insulting to him.

One similarity Indra and Madara share are their desires for having a wife who takes care of herself. Madara is a clan leader, so he always has to look presentable in front of everyone. His wife also must look presentable. If he notices some imperfections, like a small strand of hair falling on her face, Madara would scold her and make her go back to the room to fix her imperfect hairstyle. He doesnt care if it hurts his s/o. She chose to be with him, so she has to take his harsh criticism on every subject. This harsh criticism might change only when she becomes pregnant.

On a softer note, Madar wants his s/o to not only take care of herself, but take care of him too. It is no secret that his man has long majestic hair, and taking care of it is a pain in the ass. He wants his s/o to massage his scalp after each shower/bath, to rub essential oils all over his skin and allow him to relax on her lap. This is pure bliss for the man, something he dreamed about for years and having his s/o do it, makes him happier than ever.

Despite being a cold, ruthless man, Madara wants his s/o to be kind, gentle and sweet, Yes this man wants his s/o to be fully opposite of him. He wants to see her be close with everyone in the compound, be they kids, elders or even members from his own clan. He of course gets extremely jealous when he sees his s/o all smiley with a random men from his clan, but he also realises that this is what he wanted his s/o to be like, so he should not complain.(He still scares the poor man off later on, making sure his s/o doesnt hear about it)

[b4tasquad]

DATING NIKO OMILANA WOULD INCLUDE:

Request this is more of how he is in a relationship rather than the relationship in itself so I’m sorry😭

Authors note: remember this is just for fun, and completely pure fiction! I don’t know how Niko is in a relationship or as a person really. Hope you enjoy, and let me know if I should make some for the others🫶

…

Getting violated on a daily. You could literally do nothing, just go on about your day and Niko would still violate you to prove some point on how he’s “funnier than you” and it’s totally unprovoked every time.

Helping him brainstorm ideas for videos. You often found yourself in this position. Up in the early hours of the morning, running on no sleep as you sat with your boyfriend. He would shake you awake every time you fell asleep, begging for you to help him find a new idea for YouTube videos. You would get annoyed, and ask him why he couldn’t do it himself and he’d reply “your opinions matter to me” knowing it would eat you alive if you didn’t help him now.

Him teasing you. It didn’t matter where or under what circumstances, Niko was the biggest tease ever. It could be as simple as just sending you flirty and suggestive looks, but also as aggravating as running his hand up and down your exposed thigh during dinner with friends. He knew how you felt for it every time, and his tactics came in handy whenever he wanted you worked up so he could be the one to relieve you.

Immediately becoming best friends with Aj. When you started seeing Niko you had no idea what you were getting into when it came to his best friend. Sure he had briefly mentioned the fact that he shared a home with his friend, but not that his friend was an energetic YouTuber making ever moment of his life a chaotic mess. Instantly, you thought you wouldn’t get along well, but upon meeting you were proven wrong. You formed a great friendship where he remained crazy and all over the place, while you were the calm one always having to clean his mess up.

Reassurance that you were the only one for him. With the work Niko did, you knew he was surrounded by women all day. Women that spent their days doing something he liked and that you could never relate to. You knew Niko loved you, but it was hard to push down the insecurities and look past it. Once learning of your hesitance, Niko immediately sat you down, telling you everything your heart desired to hear. Ever since, he made a mental note to always tell you how much he appreciated you, not like he didn’t do that before tho. Now he was just sure to say it double as much.

Crazy movie nights with the Beta Squad. Being Niko’s girlfriend meant spending a crazy amount of time around the guys, also known as his best friends. You had been subjected to the most craziest things of your life during your time with them, but always finding a smile on your face. Realising you were a more quiet and relaxed person, they were willing to compromise and make sure to have a movie night once in a while. The effort was there, and it was nice to just be there together. That was until Chunkz made it his mission to lift the “dead mood” he went around slapping everyone on the back of their necks which would always start an argument. Ever since, everyone has been wary only keeping on eye on the movie to make sure they wouldn’t get slapped.

Neck kisses. You didn’t know when or why, but sometime in your relationship, Niko became overly obsessed with kissing your neck. It was silly, really. How he was so comfortable with just leaning down, peppering the area with either the smallest of pecks or the most starved kiss, you didn’t understand. It wasn’t a problem until he started doing it everywhere. At home, in public. Whenever you two were together. You told him to stop and behave but he never listened, instead silencing your words with kisses that made your cheeks heat up.

[ash-says]

Saviour Complex Fever:

Let's address the saviour Complex today and no I am not talking here only in the romantic sense but also in platonic, familial,etc ways.

Ohh my traumatized girlies you better get your attention piqued up here cause this can be a call out or triggering post.

Speaking in my corporate babe language I am going to adopt both top to bottom and bottom to top approach to make sure you understand the problem. So without circumventing much I am going in for the goal.

1) Top to bottom Approach:

Starting with the OG," I can fix them" attitude.

Calm down babe, you can't. How about first fixing your sleep schedule for the starters?

We usually see this attitude being discussed a lot in the romantic hemisphere but I profoundly believe it plays a pivotal role in other bonds we have with people and tend to bleed into our romantic life so on and so forth.

Example: Take a child who is five years old and the parents are irresponsible. The child learns early on not only to look after itself but also acts as a therapist to his parents if one of them has zero sense of emotional boundaries and tends to trauma dump on the child. The child will look for ways in which he/she can make things easier and happier for the parent. In a way try to fix the parent and take on the role of being an adult.

How does it affect the bonds you create as an adult?

You become the mom friend.

The mama duck of the group who is always making sure everyone is taken care of properly.

You go above and beyond your comfort to help your friends out.

Take responsibility for your immediate surroundings.

Always trying to be the best and act like a saviour.

Last but not the least, people violate your boundaries time and time again but you forgive them and treat them like a child despite them being functioning adults.

So your homework is to assess your friendships, familial relationships, romantic relationships and check whether you are babysitting a adult?

If yes, are you getting paid for it enough?

No, drop the role.

2) Bottom to Top Approach:

Even the saviour dreams of being saved at times.

One of the potent reasons we tend to pick on the saviour role is because deep down we want to be saved. Salvation is what we desire.

Someone to lean on. A rock solid support. To lower our guards and be present without a worry.

Then we are faced with the harsh realities and realise it's not as simple as we think it is.

Therefore, whenever we see someone in need our instinct activates and we automatically start babysitting. We fill the void by embodying the persona that we deeply crave in our life.

It's the Chiron in us. We take on the role of the wounded healer.

That's where you need to remind yourself you don't need an external person or support to protect you. Many times we are sold this idea that we are fixed by someone else.

It's your job to fix your own house. Not your neighbours.

Your body, your mental health is where your spirit lives. Others can aid you but at the end of the day you won't be trusting your house to a total stranger. It's you who takes control and dictates the course of it.

So kill this idea that someone out there is going to walk into your life and then everything will be rainbows and roses.

Fine, if you believe life is a Disney movie you can go ahead and kiss a couple of frogs to find your prince charming. Your life, your rules.

But don't be surprised if you catch a disease or two while kissing the frogs .

After all, I always say:

There are no fucking saviours in real life. You are your own saviour, darling.

And if you do want to be a mother badly there are plenty of orphaned kids out there you can spend some time with them rather than those ungrateful, therapy inducing, namesake adults.

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

In your opinion which of the Endless do you think has the hardest job and why?

short answer? death

slightly less short answer - either death, dream, or none of them, depending on the angle you're looking at it from

long answer... they're all perfectly suited to the task they were made for, so in the sense of physical ability, none of their jobs are difficult. which means difficulty can only be measured by emotional toll. and that's not really based on the job so much as it is on how much they care

the big thesis in sandman is that life = change. that's an equation that cuts both ways, and a theme that runs through almost every character. the endless, as the fundamental aspects of life, all have power over something that can change people, right to their core

and that's a huge responsibility, which they all have their own ways of coping with

we never learn that much about how it affects destiny or despair, but death had a huge character arc to go through (everything she says in the show is originally in a winters tale, as well as the fact that she stopped collecting souls, because it was getting to her too much - until she realised that was doing more damage), so now she copes by finding meaning and purpose in it, by befriending everyone she comes to take, by living in some ways a human life of her own

desire ignores it, and tells themselves that mortals don't matter to them, so why should they care who gets hurt? they turn it all into a big game and they don't let themselves think about it for even a second, because if they did it would destroy them (the narration tells us this at the end of dolls house)

destruction didn't cope with it, he left, and refuses to let there ever be another destruction of the endless

and del... just observes it. she accepts the difficulty and the responsibility, and sees it with a lot clearer eyes than her siblings. and sometimes that means she's the most fit to cope with it. other times it breaks her too, and that's when she gets her bad days

the reason i list dream as a possible option here, is because dream is not coping. he's trying to do everything his siblings do at once and none of it is working for him. he can't be desire, because he cares too much about mortals to ignore and laugh at them. he can't be death because he doesn't see himself as someone with a life, just someone with a job - that has to come before everything else. he can't be destruction because again, he values his purpose more than his happiness, leaving is inconceivable. and he can't be delirium because that would require him to see the world as it really is - and his nature runs fundamentally contrary to that

so that could be why dream. but this could also be why none of them - because that's not really the job that's hard, so much as it's not working for dream specifically. if he was somebody just slightly different, he'd be able to handle it a lot better

(the other reason i might consider dream is the vortexes - we don't see enough of the other endless to know if this is something they have to deal with (or something similar), it might be, so this might not be a dealbreaker? but it's definitely not easy for dream, overture goes into that plenty, he viscerally hates the idea of killing people, it goes against everything he is, and yet he has to, or the entire universe will die. and that's a tough responsibility to have)

so why death? because she's the only one who will never die. she doesn't, herself, change, not even if you force a reincarnation like with dream. her sigil will stay the same forever, the necropolis only holds six funeral cerements - death is unlike the others, its written in the rules. it's not the only way she's an exception either; it's mentioned at one point in brief lives that the endless all feel uncomfortable in each others' realms, they can sense that this place is made of an entirely different energy to the one they're used to. except death, who can traverse all the other realms as easily as her own, because even her siblings have to die eventually

more people under your charge, more people to care about. the more it hurts if you let it. her job covers every being in existence, and for the most part it involves being something they don't want you to be. she has had every negative emotion people are capable of directed at her, in a much more first-hand way than her siblings may get. and you have to be okay with it, you have to

because the only way to be free of it is to be the only person left in all existence

[makingspiritualityreal]

Moon Ruled Nakshatras - Consequences of Attention Seeking

A trope very commonly seen in many creations, executed with various contexts and endings, in which the protagonist has his big 3 in Moon Ruled Nakshatras (Rohini, Hasta, Shravana), is the consequence of the Moon ruled Nakshatras following the stage of the Sun.

The Sun is self sufficient and self focused, so full of themselves their light even spills outside. However, in everyone's horoscope, the Sun burns out over time. By the time we reach the Moon Nakshatra stage, we mature to realise that we need, and are attached to other people in our lives, and we won't survive if we don't adapt and don't form relationships.

This brings up the topic of paying attention to people's feelings, that we only discover in the Moon stage. In the Sun stage, as we are learning independence, we don't bother with that and we can come off as insensitive and self centered. The Sun is also an intelligent, logical planet, capable of providing solutions for both oneself and the others. However, by the Moon stage our shine wears off, and we begin to need other people. At the beginning, we try to catch their attention with rational means, but over time human behaviors become increasingly irrational and instinctive, the more desperate we are to get what we need and assert our position. These situations develop differently depending on the Nakshatra, but they always invariably end up the same way.

The Moon Native gets caught in their wrongdoings and suffers consequences for it, being taught a harsh lesson about including the other person's point of view, developing a capacity to empathise and bond through forced circumstances. However, that actually gives the Moon native happiness, as it provides them with what they unconsciously craved all along - stable connection.

In Vedic Astrology, the Moon as a planet is called "lovesick". It has no enemies, because the one quality of the Moon is its constant desire for attention and stimulation. ANY attention will do. Moon is where the saying "negative attention is still attention" originated. The one desire the Moon has is to be constantly surrounded by love and presence. And it will go to any lengths to fulfill that desire, irrationally, and will always, inevitably pay the price for it.

The antidote for a Moon native is either having very secure connections or tapping into their intuitive, psychic abilities.

Below, I will give a brief description of how this process unfolds for each Nakshatra, and give fiction examples.

Rohini Nakshatra - For movie examples, I recommend the Rohini video created by The Hidden Octave on Youtube. There are two paths for these natives. One is obsessive flirting, pathologically seeking attention of multiple romantic and sexual partners, for the sake of feeling constantly adored, but not taking anyone's feelings seriously, which leads to generation of resentment from many people. In anger, these people retaliate on the native, causing their downfall. The productive path here is working with pets or releasing one's urges through creativity or really surrendering to romance, even if just through art or fiction. Introducing more sensuality into already existing relationships can also help.

Hasta Nakshatra - The desire for attention here mostly leads to a tendency towards financial fraud, where tempting people with financial mistakes is yet another call for help. Huge sums of money are in fact a compensation for a desire for true family connections. Still, irresponsible criminal financial activities are always met with a sticky end in this Nakshatra, at the hands of governmental powers. Hasta Lagna Leonardo DiCaprio in "Catch me if you Can" plays a youth turned into a hardened criminal, after he escapes home, heartbroken at the onset of his parents' divorce. He retains a very childish behavior while committing financial fraud crimes, almost as a tantrum, and ultimately calms down when finding a boss and a surrogate father in an FBI agent played by Pushya, avatar of Brihaspati, Tom Hanks. At the same time, crime and cheating is replaced with offering society a useful skill.

Shravana Nakshatra - I recommend watching the recent Nina Dobrev flick, Shravana Moon "Sick Girl" for this one. It's about a girl who fakes having cancer to draw attention of her close friends and loved ones back to herself. This is the highest expression of the Moon, where the native seeks out attention from groups/media/through faking an illness or through provoking very serious, life threatening situations. Same behavior for Rosamund Pike, Shravana Sun in "Gone Girl", she commits murder and fakes death and victimises herself to feel loved by her husband and parents again. Amanda Bynes in "She's the Man" goes to drastic measures and poses as her brother to get everyone's attention to her misery of having her life career denied. The desire for collective, mass attention here can lead to fame if channeled towards public service, and if one's contribution is genuine.

[yoonia]

— 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺

“Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. It’s inevitable. An event you can’t control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster ride that just has to take its course.”

—Jackie Collins

— Read:

⟶ Title | Never Falling ● 21k words ⟶ Summary | For Park Jimin, you are everything he will ever need—his assistant, his housekeeper, his task runner, his fairy godmother. For you, he is more than everything. You have dedicated your life for him and, before you even realised it, your heart belongs to him alone. The only problem is that he is never yours, and you are living in a world that your love for him is nothing more than a fairytale ending. As you are suddenly given a chance to wake up and face the real world, will you be ready to embrace it? Will he be ready to deal with the world without you in it?

———

⟶ Title | Forever Falling ● 30.5k words ⟶ Summary | Everyone around you had told you that your life is like a fairy tale. When the little prince suddenly falls in love with the little helper and there is nothing more than love and happiness waiting for you at the end of your path. Except that your life is far from a fairy tale ending. Not that you are unhappy in your relationship with Park Jimin. How could you, when he spoils you like a princess and does everything to protect you from the world like the proper prince. But you simply cannot help the feeling of incompleteness, that there is something missing, and his love alone may not be able to fill the void.

———

⟶ Title | Free Falling ● 22k words ⟶ Summary | People say that you should let life take its course, and to always be ready to open your heart for love. You have learned to allow yourself for the latter, but as always, allowing yourself to open up to every possibilities that life could give you have always been hard for you to do. Your first instinct has always been about hiding your desire, to protect yourself from hurt, but is it worth it to risk it all by keeping it as a secret from the one you love the most?

— Press play: Never Falling - Catila | Never Forget You - Zara Larsson | Go - Caleb Cruise | Lovers in The Night - Seori | Reminder - Corey Nyell | Calling - Sidi | Motion Picture Soundtrack - Shallou | You & I - Mira | Overthinking - offonoff | Nights2Long - Ayelle | Toward The Pain - Joel Ansett | Because It Mattered - Dutch Melrose

— Listen on Spotify

[oshiawaseni]

So.. I've seen a lot of people that saying Katsuki died while thinking of İzuku. I've even seen some people saying that Katsuki did not care what AFO said about he can never be more than İzuku. But when I read those chapters it seemed like he was thinking about how he can never surpass him like he always wanted to, rather than thinking about İzuku himself. When he realized he will die anyways, he desperately accepted the fact that he can never reach İzuku's level. And he accepted his admiration for him, knowing that he will always be superior than him, by his actions (thinking of how he made his movements and attacks etc.). So it felt like he STİLL puts his desire of 'becoming the best' above everything, it seemed like he died with that thoughts. I couldn't see any confirmation of him realizing some feelings for him.

Soo I would really like to know your oppinion about this. Do you have any counter evidence for this? I really wanna hear your thoughts ASAP. <3

Hello everyone! In this meta, I'll explain why the feelings Katsuki realises are romantic in chapter 362 and how bakudeku's relationship arc is intertwined with Katsuki's character development and provide anon evidence that supports this.

Anon: I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here, that you genuinely need answers... so yes! I have a lot of points to make which I will now present to you! I think the problem you're struggling with is not identifying that Katsuki's character development has always been tied to his relationship with (and feelings for) Izuku.

My writer friend introduced me to literary concepts like internal and external relationship arcs that develop alongside a character's growth. Internal arcs involve emotions and relationships between the characters, while external arcs are influences on their relationship by outside forces, pushing them together or pulling them apart.

While character development arcs are about personal conflicts, both internal and external. In BNHA, these conflicts shape a character's quirk progress, understanding of heroism, motivations for performing well, and provide external obstacles which hinder them.

Katsuki's character arc is intrinsically tied to his relationship with Izuku. Overcoming his internal conflict of not recognizing "save to win" and addressing the source of this conflict, his lifelong issues with Izuku, were essential in his path to become a top hero. DvK2 served as both an outlet for Katsuki's negative emotions, and as an event that brought bkdk's relationship closer together by having Katsuki join in on their OFA secret. Their conversation with All Might also propels Katsuki's character development in the months after it.

So, anyway, as your ask suggests, Katsuki's "character arc" had always been about becoming the #1 top hero. Not being left in Izuku's, or ANYONE'S dust. Katsuki learning the qualities he was lacking to get to that point. Etc Etc.

However! As he thinks about Izuku's burdens, draws in closer to him, and they spend more time together, we see his character change into a more giving, caring person and he gradually overcomes his personal conflicts, with Izuku acting as his heart's north star.

An example of his change comes in chapter 358. Katsuki is thinking of his teacher and friends doing their part and that he now had to do his. Then he thinks of Izuku saving him from the slime villain and says something to sAFO that proves he is NOT the same character he was at the start of the manga: "Big disparities? Lack of understanding? Dread? I've long since been acquainted with all of this." I feel he is talking about his relationship with Izuku and his fear based emotions he has had (and still has) with him.

It was made clear that Katsuki's need to "stay ahead" is another one of his internal conflicts that's DIRECTLY TIED to his relationship with Izuku in chapter 275, when we see his thoughts about how he can barely keep up with Izuku, and that he won't be left behind.

He says he won't lose and he won't "let himself stay losing." Note that this isn't even about winning anymore. It's about not falling behind Izuku. The reason we know his desires to stay ahead were tied to his feelings for Izuku is because of the scene coupled together with it: his flash back of Izuku trailing behind him when they were kids.

The impression this left on me was that Katsuki had ALREADY swallowed his pride and selfish reasons to be his best self because his feelings towards Izuku had once again changed his priorities as a hero. In chapter 275, we see his ambitions had shifted from being ahead, to just being able to keep up enough to stay by Izuku's side. (and I'll talk more about this later.)

By linking their childhood memory to his feelings of "being left behind," Hori was telling us the only reason Katsuki ever wanted to stay ahead of Izuku to begin with, was so he would never have to see the day Izuku left him behind, leaving Katsuki ALONE. I don't know about you, but this seems like the setup of a romantic plot to me.

My feeling with this is that Katsuki has always loved Izuku and needed him in his life. But he buried those feelings deep inside himself and they hit him like a damn TRUCK after he realised how bad he had messed everything up that day in the river and everything he'd done to Izuku after it. That's why the volume 29 cover is what it is for the Katsuki Rising content. The image is full of love and acceptance, but also... regret.

To someone who doesn't understand that Katsuki's internal relationship with Izuku is interwoven into his character arc, I understand his feelings presented at his death may seem self-centred and platonic to you. But it just isn't true. Katsuki's character development and relationship development with Izuku are ABSOLUTELY linked together and always have been.

//anger//

At first Katsuki is angry at Izuku because of his misunderstandings and Izuku always having been the one person who didn't make him feel like he's the best. To Katsuki, who grew up in a quirk worshipping society, being a hero only meant possessing a strong quirk and the ability to defeat anyone and win. However, from an early age he recognised that Izuku had qualities that he didn't fully understand but knew he lacked. Izuku tries to save him, despite Katsuki being physically stronger than Izuku, and this just causes him to double down on his belief of winning at all costs. (Ironic that the event which made Katsuki feel hate towards Izuku, ultimately caused Izuku to love him even more.)

And as soon as he gets into U.A, his entire world view of himself is shattered as he suffers humiliating defeat after humiliating defeat; Losing his first proper fight against Izuku, not getting the fair battle with Todoroki he wanted so he could have a true victory against Izuku (because to Katsuki, beating the same Todoroki that beat Izuku equates to beating Izuku), being kidnapped, feeling responsible for ending AM's career, failing his provisional license exam... And as Katsuki watches Izuku get stronger and stronger, and further away from him, it makes him hate everything even more until the day he's had enough and grabs Izuku and lets it all explode out of him.

//guilt//

Then after DvK2, he realises he's deeply misjudged Izuku and he starts to feel guilty for everything he has ever done to him, and for what? Because he couldn't see his own weaknesses. He is told by All Might to recognise Izuku's strengths. So that's what he does and what does he say when he finally learns the importance of saving people, taken straight from the heart of the person closest to him who exemplifies this quality? "Just keep your eyes on me, shitty Deku." But his guilt towards Izuku sets off his atonement arc, and his rising concern for Izuku's cursed fate brings them together.

After witnessing Izuku hurt himself multiple times throughout their first year of high school and long before by his own hands, Katsuki's guilt reaches its peak when they both confront Shigaraki. As he's watching how badly Izuku will hurt himself to win, he recalls Izuku's words about being the 'Deku who always tries his best,' and Katsuki realises that Izuku had been overcompensating for being quirkless his whole life.

He understands that this may have been largely his fault and truly gets the impact of the horrible name he gave Izuku when they were kids. 'Deku' taken from 'deku no bou,' which is a doll without arms and legs and carries the meaning of "a useless person."

He remembers his conversation with All Might, who told him "he would be able to talk about it with Izuku one day" and when he sees his history with Izuku flash before his eyes, he knew that one day was never gonna come unless he did something! So he did something. He had a quirk awakening and saved Izuku's life at a cost to himself, fully embracing what it means to be a true hero. But not just any hero, Izuku's hero.

//acceptance//

Then his character reaches a point of understanding and acceptance of his feelings. He can no longer put up resistance to his relationship with Izuku anymore, and Izuku's absence causes Katsuki to realise he needs Izuku in his life, to be closer, and by his side. He accepts Izuku for all of his weaknesses and embraces him. He's also accepted how important it is to rely on others, and also be there for them in turn and teaches these things again, back to Izuku, quietly asking Izuku to lean on him if he needs help. He wants to be there for him.

So after his character arcs of hate, guilt, acceptance, all of which are tied to his feelings for Izuku, what naturally comes last for them?

//love//

Love, and Katsuki's acceptance of what is in his heart at his very end, in chapter 362. Because those are his feelings for Izuku now. A deep, powerful love that fills his heart completely.

And what I realised after talking about this with my friend, was that people who don't think bkdk will be romantic will only see what they want to see. That depending on their depth of understanding of their relationship, people are going to see Katsuki's actions and words as either part of his character arc to be #1, or as one massive leap in his relationship arc/feelings towards Izuku. Hori probably wrote it to be vague in this way, because the big bkdk reveal is not until the climax. He's a smart writer like this. Once Hori writes the context of these last moments for Katsuki being as intimate as they come, people will be like OH! oh.

In fact, anon, his desire to be good enough to keep up with Izuku is not lying in selfish thoughts/reasonings at all. It's quite the opposite. Katsuki wants to do his best so that he can stay by Izuku's side to help him. His ambitions to be the best hero might be a veil Hori placed here, but it's a very thin one, and we are able to read between the lines based on Katsuki's previous character development. He clearly wants to be stronger FOR Izuku's sake. His essence contains his love and acceptance for Izuku, need to stay by his side and help shoulder his responsibilities. We've long known that Katsuki doesn't want to leave Izuku alone to his burdensome fate.

What started off as a "positive change" relationship turned into a positive steadfast relationship arc. This was used specifically during Katsuki's fight against sAFO. sAFO told Katsuki that Izuku was the reason he was going to die, and what does Katsuki do? He remains loyal to him, and his resolve to love Izuku strengthens further.

The only thing that truly bothered Katsuki of all the things that AFO said to him was that he would never be good enough to stay by Izuku’s side. But we know exactly why that bothers him! Because of his internal arc and need to be by Izuku’s side for reasons that seem to be beyond platonic at this stage. He's been treating Izuku like an equal, a best friend... and a supportive spouse.

Because Katsuki hadn’t actually left Izuku’s side since their embrace in 322. He gravitates to him, to ease his anxieties and let him know he’s there for him multiple times, and Izuku reciprocates this by also walking over to talk to him a few times as well like after his Mei visit. Because by demanding closeness with Izuku in the discarding of his "Deku" name and embracing him, Katsuki had become Izuku's comfort person - someone to share his inner worries with. Izuku needs and trusts Katsuki, as well.

And Katsuki died with Izuku in his thoughts, brought about by things going on in his mind that we don't get to see, but can EASILY guess at: Izuku telling Katsuki he’s himself "because he never gives up until he wins" during their team-up against All Might.

Katsuki's answer to his flash back of this moment with Izuku was: “I gotta win, right Izuku?” and Hori showing him saying this gave us A LOT of information.

We are being told that this memory had always stuck with Katsuki and for him it was an important interaction with Izuku and that he understands he is being loved for this trait by Izuku. And by Katsuki getting back up despite his many devastating injuries and impending death that he knew was coming, he is accepting that love and wanting to receive even more of it by acting in the way Izuku most loves about him. Izuku's love is what comforted him during all of the physical and emotional trauma sAFO put him through.

Katsuki's character arc peaks at becoming a true hero, but it is stated by Hori in a way for people to know it is deeply tied into his feelings for Izuku. Katsuki got back up and told Best Jeanist to look after everyone, with the same amount of care Izuku has for others, and right after, Hori wrote "butsu butsu" (mutter mutter) next to Katsuki here, mimicking a trait of Izuku's he has always complained about. He displays Izuku's self sacrifice and even thinks of Izuku's pain. These things show the extent of which Katsuki's heart accepted and took all of Izuku into himself - thinking about Izuku grounded and comforted Katsuki in his final minutes. (+the All Might nerding at the end... yeah... their hearts are the same alright, thanks chapter 348. thanks Hori.)

And then finally Katsuki reaches out to Izuku and thinks “Hey Izuku, can I still catch up to you?” again a HUGE metaphor written for Bkdk's internal relationship arc. This can and should be read as “Hey Izuku, will my feelings ever reach you some day?” because Katsuki has always had a hard time communicating how he really feels and it’s only by facing certain death that he realised a lot of things about himself and Izuku, like the form his feelings of love take shape in.

pain pain pain pain pain reading this in japanese is painful

And the fact Katsuki is reaching out to Izuku with his hand implies that sometime before he died, he probably thought of Izuku coming to his rescue and trying to help him up like he's always done. The motivating message for Katsuki to fight harder to come back to life that was made on the back of volume 37 by Edgeshot once he was inside Katsuki’s heart and suddenly knew it was filled with his love for Izuku supports this. “Don’t give up, Dynamight!! (the one) you’ve been waiting for, He will… Deku will surely come!!” This quote and Katsuki's delirium tells us that his last wish was just to see Izuku's face once again.

I think that’s why he cried… because Katsuki knew Izuku wasn’t coming, he wouldn't make it in time, and Katsuki would die and then be used to hurt Izuku, just like sAFO said he would.

So in his delirium right before death, he is thinking of Izuku with a calm face and reaches out to take Izuku’s hand. And there is just NO WAY to see any of this as platonic. This is as romantic as it gets!

Woah this got LONG. Are you still with me anon? *sweats* If you are, I hope this could help you! And anyone else who read this <3 Also anon, you should check out my pinned post as it delves into their emotional feelings a bit as well.

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BTW, read this chart I added below - it's freaking EYE OPENING thinking about how BkDK have hit ALL of these romantic beats so far. We are now up to Climax: Internal Relationship Arc. ❤️

I expect that to come at around chapter 398-400ish, when Katsuki appears from inside OFA (Because we theorise that AFO will set Izuku off one last time with what he did to Katsuki. Theories are quite often wrong, but I don't want to believe that those horrifying chapters of Katsuki being toyed with and humiliated until he died had no purpose other than to traumatise us Katsuki stans. Surely we were seeing it in place of Izuku, channelling how it would make him feel. After all, Izuku is the biggest Katsuki stan of all - he's gonna see it.)