#but basically i’m tired and i’m scared and i need help i cannot get

[dagasinfilo]

[bbyobbyo]

seventeen as dads headcanons

content: reader is married to svt, normative(?) family structure, literally just unhinged thoughts, not proofread lol

note: was trying to write an actual fic but then got distracted sorry, dadventeen brainrot is so real

Seungcheol

Super protective “don’t touch my family” dad outwardly

All of his kids’ friends are straight up SCARED of him

But within the household he's the one sneaking ice cream when you say no, albeit guiltily

Shopping trips with him will always result in buying something for them and he is very willing to be taken advantage of

“Babe if I can’t spoil them now, they’re gonna grow up and move out before we know it!”

Tries his best to be handy around the house, but probably makes it worse, ends up calling Mingyu to come fix it

Jeonghan

DEFINITELY a “go ask your mom” dad

This man not only powerless, he doesn't even want the power, he's just here to have a good time and if you say they can't, then sorry kiddo

You can’t tell me that he doesn’t bring up becoming a family prank channel at least once a week

LOVES bragging to everyone else about his kid’s achievements, cannot shut up about them to anyone in a 5 foot radius tbh

His kids definitely talk to him about everything, which is great because he is SO nosy.

Has a list of all their best friends, enemies, and crushes at school somewhere on his notes app for future reference when they come to him for advice

Joshua

The REAL practical joke dad, admittedly made them cry a few times when they were younger and felt really bad about it

Perfect sweet husband and father in image, all of his kids know he’s actually lame af

Dominates the summer barbeques, UNDISPUTED GRILLMASTER

Super dependable, will drop everything if his family needs him and never goes back on his word

Gives surprisingly good fashion advice

Jun

Definitely walks around the neighborhood with his baby in a sling carrier strapped to his front, POINTS AT EVERYTHING OF INTEREST

When they start learning how to speak he adopts all his baby’s weird mannerisms (it started off as a cute joke but then realized he couldn’t stop)

Cries at every baby milestone until they’re like 10

Will not stop bringing up embarrassing childhood moments, especially in front of their kids’ friends/significant others

Cuts fruit for them instead of apologizing

Hoshi

Will fully ally himself with his kids

Like legit would do anything for them. ANYTHING.

I’m talking borderline go to his kid's school to beat up their hypothetical bullies himself sort of dad

The kids can always count on him to say yes if you say no

Absolutely DEVASTATED when they grow out of the tiger stuff he buys for them and become angsty teens

“What do you mean tigers aren’t cool? Do you not love your old man anymore?”

Wonwoo

Quiet doting dad

Definitely more affectionate when the kids are younger but gets into the awkward advice-giving stage when they grow up

LAME DAD JOKES GALORE, groaning is a regular activity in this household

Tries to google basic algebra every time his kids ask for help on math homework because he doesn’t want to admit he forgot everything

Chaotic af unsupervised. “Guess we’re having pizza again tonight kiddos” kinda dad because he cannot and should not cook

Jihoon

Another quiet dad, but make it savage

I feel like he would just love roasting his kids (affectionately of course)

And always overwhelmingly acts of service so his kids know they are loved

Allowance randomly appearing under their pillow, their favorite foods magically stocked in the fridge, always relenting to one last bedtime story no matter how tired he is

Would let you have final say but he makes it really clear he’s on their side and empathizes with them but its out of his hands

“Next time just don’t get caught, okay?” *winks*

Minghao

Loves loves loves just spending time with his babies

Doesn’t matter what he’s doing he just wants to be in the same room as them or cuddling and holding them

Emphasizes equality in your relationship so his kids can grow up with those values and learn to respect others

TURNS EVERYTHING INTO A LIFE LESSON OH MY GOD

Doesn’t believe in allowances but will cave and literally buy them anything they want if they ask

Would rather die than miss any important event (competition, speech, recital, talent show, graduation, etc.)

Mingyu

Absolute super dad, what can’t he do? Nonstop home improvement projects, cooks anything his kids are craving, offers to drive everyone everywhere

But also the whiniest dad ever lol constantly complains about people “ruining his system”

Absolutely FUCKS at the school bake sales, earns them twice the target fundraiser amounts because he's dilf material and knows how to get the moms to spill their pockets

Likes to have the final say, but you’re both usually on the same page in regards to discipline so his kids aren’t getting away with anything

Just the most supportive dad in the universe, the kids learn to never take him for granted

Seokmin

You already know his kids are gonna be spoiled rotten. He will be the favorite parent by default sorry I don't make the rules!!

His arms are the very definition of a safe space

Leaves all the discipline to you because he cannot keep a straight face when delivering a lecture (one time he made them cry and also ended up crying because he felt so bad)

Does so much embarrassing shit just to cheer his kids up when they have a bad day, acts surprised when they tell him he's cringe

Such a pushover that they are probably gonna make fun of him when they're older, but that's okay because they know there's no universe in which their dad will stop loving them

Seungkwan

As long as he can pick them up still, his kids are never on the ground for too long

Two words: SPORTS. DAD.

He could practically captain the cheerleading teams at their school with how many events he's been to

Knows all of his kids’ friends parents, they all get together and have coffee once a month actually

Nags nonstop and complains about everything he has to do for them, but is always diligent and does it without question

Gets so pouty when they start getting embarrassed to show affection, he WILL get his cheek kisses if it's the last thing he does!!

Vernon

Chillest dad in existence?!?

Literally as long as his kids are safe he doesn't give a single fuuuuckkk

“Sleepover? Yeah, call me when you're done and I'll pick you up.”

He WILL argue with you if he doesn't think there's a good reason to say no to them

So cute and encouraging to all their weird hobbies and phases throughout the years. “Lemme see” and “Really? Show me” are regular phrases in his vocabulary

His kids are definitely gonna inherit his legendary facial expressions afnngjdg

Chan

Super affectionate and doting, but also quite strict with them at times

“I just want the best for you, I want to see you succeed”

HAS A PHOTO OF THEM READY AT ANY TIME, lockscreen is a different shot of his kids every day and is eager to show it off even if no one asked

Not so subtly signs his kid up for dance lessons

Just the most encouraging dad ever, makes sure that they know making mistakes are a part of life and that he will always love them no matter what

[kfkr1ze]

[002-A09] Death in Setouchi

Summary — ✈︎ Kaede meets the coordinator of the study trip, Gannosuke. Gannosuke seems to be fascinated by a certain feature Muneuji has when he takes off his helmet.

Characters— ✈︎ Sakujiro, Akuta, Kiroku, Nanaki, Muneuji, Ushio

Location: Otomari Chuuzaemon Inn in Shodoshima

Coordinator: My god… I only offered my help since you said you wanted to learn about community revitalization, but maybe I was mistaken!

Nanaki: ……

Coordinator: I was walking along the veranda when suddenly, I was bumped intoーー And instead of apologizing for making someone fall, he let out a strange scream…!

Ushio: … You were the one who bumped into me, though.

Coordinator: It’s good that neither of us were injured, but if I’m being honest, I cannot imagine these kids being able to help us run Shodoshima’s summer festival!

Kaede: I can’t begin to think on how to apologize… Gannosuke-san, I’m so sorry!

Ushio: If you apologize like that, he’ll just take it out on you more y’know. And it’s not like he’s not in the wrong either. There’s no way for someone to be 0% at fault in a collision like that.

Kaede: Stop that.

Gannosuke: Several years ago, I moved to Shodoshima, but I’m originally from Tokyo.

After many years of working as an artist in a certain field, I grew tired of the commotion from the city.

I chose Shodoshima as a home for me to visit solely when I wanted to concentrate on my work.

Kiroku: ………

Gannosuke: Having lived on this island for several years now, I know a few things. And that’s exactly why I’m concerned with leaving this to you lot.

It’s not easy to gain the trust of the islanders!

Treat people with sincerity and try your best to be earnest in all situations. Isn’t that the kind of attitude you need to have!?

Kaede: Ah, yes, it’s exactly as you say…! I’m truly sorry!

Gannosuke: I also belong to the tourism department, and I can tell you that Shodoshima is suffering from a severe shortage of staff. What’s more, the summer festival is in a week…

I don’t know if you all are “Temporary Tourism Ward Mayors” or what. But this attitude you have of taking things lightly, even if you offer your help, there’s no way this is going to turn out well!

Nanaki: This guy loves to exaggerate things, doesn’t he?

Kaede: Hey…!

Nanaki: Putting that aside, does anyone else feel like that guy looks familiar?

Kiroku: ……Mhm.

Ushio: I get it. He looks like someone… Can’t remember who, though.

Kaede: Stop talking!

Gannosuke: Goodness, kids these days… It’s saddening. Some of these kids are even going as far as to hide their faces and their names, even though they’re being reprimanded. The world has truly gone to ruin!

Ushio: You’re talking about Muu-chan, aren’t you?

Muneuji: ?

Ushio: Your helmet.

Muneuji: Ah, please excuse me.

Muneuji: I had no intention of concealing my face to avoid reprimand. It’s just, my helmet has basically become an extension of me, so I completely forgot about itーー

Gannosuke: Oh, OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…!

Kaede: Huh… Are you okay!? You suddenly lost your footing, what happened!?

Gannosuke: Have you gone blind…!? Who could stand upright when coming face to face with a supreme masterpiece that was sculpted from the Gods themselves!?

Kaede: Supreme…? I mean, of course I was surprised to see such a beautiful face get revealed so suddenly, but!

Gannosuke: I’m not talking about his face… It’s his eyelashes.

Kaede: Huh?

Gannosuke: Such devine eyelashes!

Nanaki: … Just what is this person talking about? Is he okay?

Gannosuke: You said your name was Kaguya-kun did you not!? Your eyelash form is just heavenly… They’re perfect! No matter which angle you look at, they’re perfect!

Gannosuke: From the way it grows to the way they’re shaped, it’s utterly flawless! They’re delicate and luxurious! They can only be the product of the hands of the Gods!

Muneuji: I see.

Gannosuke: This is truly a once in a millennium product! Nothing else can compare! O’Lord! I am eternally grateful for this… Amen!

Ushio: This guy scares me.

Kaede: I’m not really sure what’s going on, but I guess this is great?

Gannosuke: To tell the truth, I’m an eyelash artist. One of the few that are in Japan.

Kaede: T-There are many different artists out there huh.

Gannosuke: I’ve been fascinated by eyelashes and have been working with them for many years. To think that I’d find the eyelashes sculpted by the Gods here in Shodoshimaーー This is definitely fate.

I would like to take back my previous words. With the eyelashes you possess, everything will turn out great. The summer festival, Community revitalization, anything.

Muneuji: I don’t really understand the reasoning, but thank you for saying that. I’m glad.

Kaede: Thank you very much! I’m glad!

Nanaki: I can’t help but feel anxious though…

Ushio: Agreed.

Kaede: Then, without further ado, I’ll quickly summarize our mission here!

All of us will work together as tourism mayors to help manage the summer festival in Shodoshima, which is in great need of extra hands!

As Gannosuke-san mentioned earlier, the summer festival is in a week.

Each person will earn contribution points based on how they help out, including the preparation period. Which is this week. You will be scored based on these contribution points. This will decide whether or not you will be appointed as a Ward Mayor… That’s pretty much how things will work.

Are there any questions about this so far?

Kiroku: ……Um.

Kaede: Yes, Kiroku-kun.

Kiroku: ……Isotake… isn’t… here.

Kaede: Eh?

Kiroku: Ever since the lecturing started… he hasn’t…… been… here.

Kaede: Eh!?

Kaede: Akuta-kuuuun! Heeeey! Where are youuuu!?

(His shoes are gone too… He must’ve snuck out while everyone was still caught up in the confusion about the first murder victim appearing.)

(He didn’t answer his phone either… This is bad. Gannosuke-san said some strange things when I was leaving…)

Gannosuke: I heard there is a youkai around here called the “Eyelash Plucker.”

Kaede: T-Thank you for the sudden information.

I have heard that there are many myths related to youkai in Shodoshima but, why are you bringing that up…?

Gannosuke: I wonder if Isotake-kun happened to be taken by an Eyelash Plucker, is what I was thinking.

Kaede: He’d have a bunch of dirt get into his eyes! This is bad! We have to hurry and go find him!

Kaede: ( … Is what I said but, I have no clues… What am I going to do…)

(Huh? That sound is… Sakujiro-san’s car!)

Kaede: Excuse me, Sakujiro-san! I’m sorry to ask you to leave as soon as you got here, but Akuta-kun isーー

Ah.

Akuta: Hehe. I got caught.

Sakujiro: I found him on his way to the Movie Village[1], so I decided to pick him up.

Kaede: That’s just like you Sakujiro-san! Thank you so much!

(Akuta-kun really loves movies huh…)

Gannosuke: Oh, you found him? … I’m glad to see your eyelashes are safe. If that’s the case, I’ll leave it at that.

Kaede: You were worried too… Thank you for your concern! … I’m going to scold you later, Akuta-kun.

Akuta: ‘Kaay.

Kaede: Everyoneee! Akuta-kun’s been found…, huh? What are you eating?

Ushio: Fried Soumen. [2]

Nanaki: It’s the one that was given to us as a welcome food. It’s pretty crispy and it tastes good. Do you want some too, Chief?

Kaede: Hmmm. We were going to go out to dinner together, so we can save it for later.

Ushio: Hah? Together? Gathered around like we’re all the bestest of friends?

Akuta: It’s fine, it's fine! It sounds fun and I’m suuuper hungry～.

Ushio: I’m not going. I really hate being forced to act as a group, even for a private meal. It’s not like it's a requirement either.

Nanaki: I’m out too. Have fun.

Akuta: Muneuji, you’re coming right? Right? Let’s eat the greatest meal ever and get so full that our stomachs are bursting!

Muneuji: I’ll join you.

Kaede: Then, Kiroku-kun, are youーー

Kiroku: ……… I’m also…… not… going………

Akuta: Ah～ You don’t gotta tell everyone! You want to go, don’t you? I understand your feelings SUUUPER well, so it’s all OK!

Kiroku: That, wro……

Akuta: Okay, it’s decided! Let’s all put our heads together and be happy〜! Yay〜!

Kiroku: ………

Kaede: Alright, let’s go!

Previous — ✈︎ Masterlist — ✈︎ Next

Notes — ✈︎

I believe he is talking about this movie village? Sounds really cool. I'd run away from being yelled at to come here too.

Yayy fried soumen

[l0serloki]

Good morning or afternoon wherever you are :) it’s kind of a niche area but do you mind doing a Chamber and or Yoru fic where their s/o is afraid of the dark and they comfort them? Tysm <3 I love your writing btw

Scared of the Dark

(Chamber & Yoru)

CW : Yoru is a bit mean at first - angst/comfort, self-doubt/feeling stupid, anxiety, fear of the dark

A/N : I didn't know if you wanted both so here you go!! I hope I wrote it correctly, if I didn't - let me know! Also, I made reader feel guilty/self doubting in Yoru's but know that I never meant that your fear is stupid - it definitely isn't! I'm so glad you love my writing! <3

Chamber : 

He gets it to an extent, everyone has fears

He’ll get a nightlight and cuddle with you (he has good intentions)

If music helps to distract you he would turn on some classical,, unless you wanted him to play for you

Tells you stupid stories about the agents to distract you

He’s always a hand away - he wants you to wake him up if you’re scared

You couldn’t but feel the panic seep in as you laid in bed. The lack of light slowly getting closer and closer, you shuddered. Your hands reached out to Vincent, lightly shaking him awake. You felt your throat close as you waited for him to wake up. 

“Y/N? Did you wake me?” Chamber’s groggy voice cut through the abyssal silence. His body turned and you heard him gasp. “Oh mon amour, come here.” His arms circled around your shaking figure, cocooning your face into his shoulder. “You’re fine. I’m here. Don’t worry about anything.” He continued to console, slowly pulling you out of the anxious state. 

“There we are. Why don’t I tell you a story about the other day?” His warm lips came down to press against your forehead, soothing you. “Yes, I’d like that.” 

Chamber had gone on about how Phoenix had gotten stuck in a baby swing and he almost burnt down the playground. You couldn’t help but smile up at him, glad for his presence. He was always there when you needed him the most.

Yoru : 

What? You’re scared of the dark and dating THE riftwalker? (he’s an idiot sometimes)

He’s honestly confused at first and doesn’t understand

Once you explain it to him he gets it a bit more

I feel like he tries his best but doesn’t fully get how to comfort people

He will turn on a movie and hold you in his arms

“You’re safe anyways, I basically own the dark.” (cocky bastard, he’s gonna make it about himself 90% of the time)

He got you stuffed animals for when he’s not home so you ‘wouldn’t be alone’

He loves you lots and tries his best for you, he’ll get the hang of it one of these days

“Y/N, I can feel you shaking the bed.” Yoru’s voice cut through the air, his comment only making you feel worse. Sometimes Yoru didn’t realize his words only made you feel guilty. You didn’t want to wake him up over something ‘menial’. 

You whimpered when his rough hands flipped you over to face him. “What’s wrong?” His breath fanned against your face, hands rubbing up and down your arms. “It’s stupid..” You murmured and were met with a snort. “Obviously not, if you are this worked out. My blossom, I cannot help you if you don’t tell me what's wrong.” 

“The dark, ‘Ru. It freaks me out.” 

“The dark? That’s it? Well that’s fine.. We can just turn on the lights or watch something.” he shrugged it off, clicking the lamp on. 

“Are you tired? I have a new movie that I wanted to watch.” He pulled you on top of his chest, hand gripping the back of your head. “That’s fine. Turn it on.” You felt your breathing start to relax as his hands rubbed circles on your scalp.

“You could’ve just woken me up, you know. I am the riftwalker after all - I’ll fight your darkness.” As cheesy as the comment was, you couldn’t help but feel safe. “Yeah, I will next time. Thanks ‘Ru.” He hummed as the movie's noise droned everything else out. He would always be by your side, no matter what.

[clunelover]

Agh I had a bad phone call with my dad. So background is - my sister from NC was here for thanksgiving with her GF. She got in Thursday morning and left early Sunday morning. We had thanksgiving of course, and then Friday I had been planning to go out on the town with her and my other sister and their SOs. But everyone got too drunk on thanksgiving and we were tired and mutually agreed not to go out. But I did still see her Friday, just more low key dinner and arts and crafts at my stepmom’s house. Then Saturday I was supposed to go to a comedy show with her and her gf - but that was the day I just kept feeling shittier and shittier, and then tested myself for covid, and sure enough positive.

A few days ago he said he’d like to go to coffee with me, his treat (🚨🚨🚨). I said I was still recovering from covid and wouldn’t be up to it. He said let’s talk on the phone. My assumption was that I was in for some kind of lecture, and of course I was! It basically went like:

Dad: “I wanted to reach out to you, cause I’m disappointed that you didn’t get a chance to connect with [sister] while she was here. And [sister] and [stepmom] both told me that you’ve been suffering from a lot of anxiety. And you know, when I was your age, I was scared of the world—”

At which point I just started saying “Stop. Stop. This is not helping. Do you understand that the reason I didn’t see her on her last night is because I had covid? Which I am still recovering from?”

And he said “oh, Meredith…I know” but in this patronizing tone like he thought I was making it up.

I said “Does that not count?”

And he said “well, one doesn’t rule out the other” (ie having covid doesn’t mean I’m not ruled by anxiety).

So then I said “Yes, I do have anxiety. But I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I have supports in place. I don’t need you to tell me how to deal with my anxiety.”

And he said “All I said was that I wanted to reach out to you. So, I’m sorry I did.” And then he quickly got off the phone.

—

I was furious and so sad - but also proud of myself for stopping him before I could hear the lecture. Also by the way, he is always so hurt that I don’t want to see him much or talk to him on the phone - ahem, this is why! I cannot trust that he’s not going to do something like this. Or be high (actually, credit where credit is due, I landed into him once for calling me high on weed and he never did again that I know of - but the point is I just still can’t trust him).

—

So I texted him this:

Dad, I’m sorry I got reactive. I do suffer from anxiety, among other things. And I appreciate your concern. I know you want me to be happy and healthy. But I don’t think you understand that when you start off with “you know, when I was your age, I was scared of the world” - it really seems like you were gearing up to give me a big lecture about all the things you’ve learned, that you can teach me. I would love to be supported by you, as a dad - but you often come at it from a perspective that’s more professorial, like you’re an expert on all things mental health and recovery and you’re going to lecture me into being better.

But, from my perspective - I am a very successful person, with a great family, who has excelled in my hobby of writing and been achieving more in that area lately, and who also suffers from several mental illnesses. This is my struggle, and it will be a lifelong one with ups and downs. And I do think I’ve done a pretty good job of putting the supports in place in my life to deal with this! I am not scared of the world. I also want to gently say that one thing I’ve worked on in therapy, is this pervasive feeling that someone is always mad at me. And that is a feeling I got from childhood - from mom, but also from you. Just now you reinforced this idea, that you are observing my behavior and disapproving and gearing up to lecture or yell at me. This is how I felt growing up, so admittedly it’s a trigger.

I could use your support in the form of, I don’t know, just being there for me - listening if I want to talk, but otherwise trusting that I don’t want to get most of my mental health support from my parents. And not lecturing me. Even if it’s coming from a really well intentioned place, I don’t think it’s ever going to land with me. Does that make sense?

—

He just replied with a few brief words of apology, but the more I think of it, the angrier I am.

I’m like, okay I’m sitting here with a masters degree, a great career, a really nice house, a loving husband, a couple of smart, sweet, and fairly well raised kids, a few close friends and a couple passions and hobbies - but he makes me feel like I’m not living right somehow. I have struggles, big ones, but I must be doing something right!

I think part of it must be jealousy - like, he’s a thrice-divorced, recovering alcoholic and drug addict with PTSD, who has a PhD and was a professor and expert witness, but has been unemployed due to physical disability but also those other issues, for quite some time, and now lives in a studio apartment and drives Uber. I’m sure it’s hard for him to see me having some similar mental health issues but be more stable and successful. When I moved into this much larger house I think all he said was “won’t it be hard for you to keep this place clean?” But it sucks that he doesn’t process that, and instead gives in to this urge to feel better by taking me down a peg. And that it still works on me! He makes me feel like I’m a bad kid who did something wrong!

[mothgoats]

tw

this year has been the longest and worst fucking year in ages. and it just keeps piling up. I finally moved to a safe, quiet apartment and my dogs behavioral issues from being attacked/harassed by the old neighbors dogs are causing issues faster than I can get him trained.

as in, he barked at the neighbor downstairs once and they decided he “lunged” at them (we were walking up the stairs and they, below us, opened their door and the noise scared him. How exactly can the dog lunge there?). Landlord called me Tuesday about it and I emailed them later with receipts of the dog trainer I’ve hired and all the precautions I’m taking to avoid any interactions with other tenants because I don’t want any accidental bites etc but I don’t know if they’re counting the false complaint against me or not. They still haven’t responded so .. don’t know how much I should be stressing but I broke a blood vessel in my eye because I’m so fucking afraid my dog will get taken away. he cannot live without me. he has epilepsy and needs to finish his rehab program and then he should be fine and a nonissue - but I don’t know that the neighbors won’t continue to complain any time they feel they don’t like that a German shepherd lives in the building (I brought up that it seems like they just don’t like GSDS because I’ve never interacted with them). Yes, he’s registered as an ESA. But that doesn’t override that the landlord can order removal of an animal if it’s a danger to other tenants. Ie, people complain.

Put that on top of how this whole year went, and I just. I’m so fucking tired. I feel like everything I’m fighting is on my own.. because it is. I don’t have anyone to help me know if I’m doing the right thing or just give me a damn hug sometimes. Or a well done.

It feels like ages ago now but just earlier this year I was panicking on where I would live because my bf at the time wanted me to move in with him but ignored the behavioral issues of my dog (basically wanted him living in a closet instead of targeting the issues). then my friend was murdered the day after my birthday. I was sexually assaulted around the same time. I spent the entire summer without air conditioning relying on a window unit in a house full of water and mold. I had to do my entire move on my own minus one day I had my old roommate to help move furniture.

my old roommate who was my ex from a year ago and would constantly bicker with his boyfriend in the house who he cheated on me with so, that was great. loved that too.

Not sleeping anymore because any time I start falling asleep my body goes into fight or flight thinking I’m going to be assaulted again. Propanolol and Xanax only do so much. I’m on 6 hours of sleep over 2 days because I’ve been having panic attacks about the possibility of fenrir getting taken away.

I don’t know what I would do. I just am spending every moment with him like the world outside the apartment is a nuclear apocalypse and avoiding people until I can trust he is less reactive. I wish it weren’t that way. We were doing so well. Now we play down the street so the neighbors won’t complain about us existing in the hallway. I don’t know, I’m just scared.

There’s not many laws protecting dog owners from false accusations. It’s pretty much, if someone complains, you are liable. Whether the claim is substantiated or not. People keep telling me to look into a lawyer to be safe, like? I can’t even afford to feed myself rn. My fridge is empty because I needed to prioritize the dog training.

I can’t sell my art online because I don’t have a computer to write Etsy listings etc. my phone is dying too and I can’t afford to replace that. I didn’t really even break even my last 3 events I vended at. fuck. I just want someone to tell me it’ll be fine and mean it.

[traumatizeddfox]

Hi there - I’ve followed your blog for a while now, as I’ve been through some horrific abuse in my life and I can relate to the things you post.

I’m having a really horrible night after a week of just straight up not having a good time. I don’t really have anyone I can reach out to so I hope it’s okay that I vent here. I am not asking you, Dear Stranger, to fix any of the things I’m struggling with- I simply want someone in this world to see the depths of the pain I am in. You don’t have to read this or respond if you don’t want to.

I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed and the distress I am in is absolutely intolerable. All of the non-harmful coping mechanisms I know aren’t working and I’m frightened. I want to off myself so bad. I want to turn back to SH. I want to find someone to beat me half to death because that’s all I deserve.

I hate myself so much. I’m two-years-free of the the abuse I experienced and now I have a beautiful home, a dog who is the goodest girl in the whole world, a partner who is kind and compassionate and gentle, and a community of people who care for me deeply. I’m sober, I’ve been in therapy basically all my life (I’ve been working with my current therapist for three years), I’ve found the right meds. I thought I was far enough into recovery that my ED isn’t an issue. I’m doing everything within my power to stay healthy and to care for myself and yet… I’m broken. My brain is a cruel, dark cage that I pace within, all anger and venom and grief.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me at this point. No matter what I do, my mental health isn’t getting better. I have all of these wonderful blessings in my life yet I’m suicidal. I don’t know how to continue like this. The pain is intolerable. I’m so fucking tired. I’m tired of trying everything and nothing working long-term. I’m only 25 years old, and I cannot imagine living like this for a full lifetime. I am in so much fucking pain and I just can’t do this anymore. I feel like a horrible person. I feel so much shame for being fucked up beyond repair.

I don’t know what to do. I’m not at a point where I am actually going to make a plan and follow through, so I’m not “bad” enough for inpatient. I went inpatient multiple times before after my many suicide attempts and I’m not in need of that level of care. Yet, the level of care my therapist and psychiatrist can offer isn’t enough. I feel like I’m stuck in this in-between place, where I desperately need help before i get worse (because I know where this leads and I’m going to get worse if this keeps going). It doesn’t seem like there’s help for people like me, people who are doing the therapeutic work, who are sober and on the right medication, and have been working towards recovery and mental-illness management since they were children, who have been lucky enough to be able to utilize every resource this fucked up American system can offer, yet are still suicidal. I don’t feel like there’s any hope for me at this point.

I know that when my parents die, I’m going to kill myself.. Because reasons, I can’t work enough to afford to live on my own (my parents help me financially) and when they die, I’m not going to be able to support myself. I also can’t qualify for anything like disability because I can keep a job (part-time, minimal hours but it’s not enough to support me long-term). I won’t be able to afford my medication or therapy without insurance. If I go off my meds, that’s it, I’m as good as dead. Literally, being on my medication right now is the one thing separating me from life or death. If I go off my meds, I will kill myself, full stop. I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do.

I don’t want to hurt my parents and my partner and leave my sweet dog all alone by killing myself, but I’m so fucking scared I’m going to get worse and I won’t be able to handle it anymore. I just can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what to do. I just want this fucking pain to end. I want this to be over. Please, why can’t this just be over? I’m doing everything I can and it’s not enough. I’m still suffering to an intolerable extreme, all because of my stupid fucked up BPD traumatized brain. I’m so fucking done.

i’m so sorry angel :( i wish i could help you feel better, i really do. It’s hard when we have good things happening but still feel like shit :( it happens and healing isn’t linear. there will be bad days and there will be good days and then there will just be days. i really wish i could say more :(

[spookclimber]

okay rant/mini(large words of) mental breakdown below

i walked to my car for a lunch break i didn’t want to take and discovered i have a parking citation, because my plates are expired, which i fucking forgot to do a few months ago because my life was falling apart and now it lowkey feels the same. i have rent, other monthly bills and now this that i have to fucjing deal with and also not park anywhere that could be bad until i get my plates renewed, which idk how long that’ll be.

on top of that my new job that i was fairly excited for is fine, i guess, but it’s it and pays not nearly what my college degree says i’m worth. i cannot handle sitting at a desk doing actually nothing until someone asks a question like this one i saw today, “should i click this ‘you have 3 new viruses’ popup.”

i feel like i used to be able to do things, and now i’m always exhausted and this stress is piling up again cause i need to do things and i CANT and i need to buy i really can’t which makes me feel like shit and worse and it’s a circular system.

especially when i haven’t been able to fall asleep normally until it’s past 2 am or something at the earliest, which just leaves me even more tired. on friday i was sick for my second day at the job and once i called it in i proceeded to then sleep, after my night sleepof like 12-7:30 am, from 9am to 11 fucking 30 pm, then was up for a couple hours before sleeping until 5 pm on saturday. this isn’t sustainable and it’s terrible and because of that i struggle even more when i need to try to work towards the financial issues but I CANT and i’m almost crying at work right now ranting this out because i have to get some words out and try to articulate what i feel.

the. another smaller thing but it still weighs on me is i’m like the only person wearing a mask at my work and yeah it’s it and cubicles and shit but covid still is going strong and people don’t seem to give a damn

i used to be able to do things i applied for and worked in two great internships in college why now am i having a meltdown over an objectively easier job that pays less well maybe that’s a part of it but god fucking dammit am i so stressed and, i don’t know, fucking out of it all the time in ways that don’t help me fix the problem at all.

oh another thing that isn’t fun is i was enjoying being nonbinary with my friends and all but i’m terrified to idk be that publiclally so once more i’m cosplaying my worksona except i flinch every time i see my dead name all around me and people call me by it so like why do i do this for a job that will barely make me rent and will bore me out of my mind? oh wait it’s cause i literally was unable to get any other position and i even almost got scammed in this process by someone who posed as a hr hiring person and put me through a written interview and all that jazz and got me hyped up before eventually i concluded with help it was a scam. applying for jobs fucking sucks but i guess i need to do it again between trying to make money outside of work and also at work which i’m not sure i’ll be able to juggle everything in addition to trying to get enough sleep and at least some time for me to decompress (but i’ve been needing more and more of that recently to work out and it’s related to previously stated issues) so i’m just losing it.

ido honestly believe i’ve been making strides in regards to my mental health and identity but es problema es capital as they say but i’m having such issues of motivation and getting things done that it’s a huge problem and my apartment is too much rent because i couldn’t move out when i lost my roommate because i definitely wasn’t capable of it and that roommate taught me i will literally die if i live with basically anyone that isn’t a very small specific group but because of that i’m stuck with an apartment with no food, a broken dishwasher that i’m too scared to call the landlord to fix, double rent and such.

like i knew i had some issues but my cascade of emotions once i saw the ticket on my break that id been forced to take i guess shows me that i’m really not doing well with the massive stress just hanging over my head

well i guess that’s all the words i have now. if you read all that i’m impressed and sorry i guess, but maybe i’ll find a way to dig myself out of this hole. maybe

[blackrootforest93]

tw:$elf harm, anger, vent

That previously mentioned person suffering from fight/flight mode ended up telling the person who had yelled at me

“I hope the therapist checks her IQ because something is really wrong with her”

I didn’t want to help in the beginning but our host, Karina told me I should try (as I’m basically the system’s therapist) since we have experience being constantly in fight/flight. All I fucking did was give the basic advice like breathing. Things you’d find if you fucking researched how to calm yourself. What in the fuck did I do to deserve that comment?

I will not be helping these morons with anything anymore. I don’t know why I even tried. I’m irritated at Karina for wanting me to try but even more angry at myself for even thinking it was a good idea. They also attempted to justify the abuse they put us through saying “every parent does that” or “Kids don’t come with a manual” 

Next time she’s having issues, I’ll just say oh well, deal with it and be satisfied that she’s suffering like we had to

I cannot tell you how mad I got eariler, to be honest...it was to the point of wanting to harm the body. Taemin & Uta has been co-con/co-fronting with me all day, watering down the rage so I don’t snap anyone’s neck. The last couple weeks I’ve been increasingly close to snapping and cussing out our mother so due to that, and this incident, I haven’t been fronting and if I do, I’m not allowed to front alone

As always, a long walk at the park really cooled me off and let me think rationally

It’s so tiring to be friends with anyone. Even the ex is starting to distance himself. I just wanted to isolate the system and prevent anyone from getting too close...I’m so fucking tired and I feel like I won’t ever be able to trust anyone. If I let one pass our defenses, I’m the one who has to deal with the aftermath

Now I feel like Omen and I’m actually been scared for the last couple months that I’m slowly turning into a persecutor...

I dropped the role “Protector” after what happened in LA and I don’t think I deserve to be one. Hell, at this point I don’t deserve to be a co-host but the damn brain likes to push me up front when someone is being a fucking idiot or abusive

I’m starting to feel a bit like Alilysia before she split, where she just felt like she couldn’t handle it anymore. I hope that’s not the case because I don’t want to split, nor do we need anymore fucking members

When we made the main blog early last year, we were at like 9 or 10 members. We’re at 26 now because of having to return to our fucking abusers. We really want and wish we could leave but we literally have no options. The ex snapped at us that if we were that desperate, we’d quickly become homeless

I’m sorry but he’s a fucking idiot. Our mental state would kill us. We already isolate (not to mention split) when things get very stressful, what the fuck do you think is going to happen if we were homeless, let alone if something traumatic happens. We would lose our life

Now I also have to deal with the repercussions if any therapists tell us shit like “oh DID/OSDD doesn’t exist” or “no, you probably have quiet BPD” or some bullshit. I’m expecting that to happen and have told everyone in the system to expect that but a few of members are going to and still struggle with strong feelings of denial which in turn stresses out the system so god damn much

I feel hopeless..

[sylvielauffeydottir]

Hello, it is I, your friendly neighborhood historian. I am ready to lose followers for this post, but I have two masters degrees in history and one of my focuses has been middle eastern area studies. Furthermore, I’ve been tired of watching the world be reduced to pithy little infographics, and I believe there is no point to my education if I don’t put it to good use. Finally, I am ethnically Asheknazi Jewish. This does not color my opinion in this post — I am in support of either a one or two state solution for Israel and Palestine, depending on the factors determined by the Palestinian Authority, and the Israeli Government does not speak for me. I hate Netanyahu. A lot. With that said, my family was slaughtered at Auschwitz-Birkenau. I have stood in front of that memorial wall at the Holocaust memorial in DC for my great uncle Simon and my great uncle Louis and cried as I lit a candle. Louis was a rabbi, and he preached mitzvot and tolerance. He died anyway. 

There’s a great many things I want to say about what is happening in the Middle East right now, but let’s start with some facts. 

In early May, there were talks of a coalition government that might have put together (among other parties, the Knesset is absolutely gigantic and usually has about 11-13 political parties at once) the Yesh Atid, a center-left party, and the United Arab List, a Palestinian party. For the first time, Palestinians would have been members of the Israeli government in their own right. And what happened, all of the sudden? A war broke out. A war that, amazingly, seemed to shield Benjamin Netanyahu from criminal prosecution, despite the fact that he has been under investigation for corruption for some time now and the only thing that is stopping a real investigation is the fact that he is Prime Minister.

Funny how that happened. 

There’s a second thing people ought to know, and it is about Hamas. I’ve found it really disturbing to see people defending Hamas on a world stage because, whether or not people want to believe it, Hamas is a terrorist organization. I’m sorry, but it is. Those are the facts. I’m not being a right wing extremist or even a Republican or whatever else or want to lob at me here. I’m a liberal historian with some facts. They are a terrorist organization, and they don’t care if their people die. 

Here’s what you need to know: 

There are two governments for the occupied Palestinian territories in the West Bank and Gaza. In April 2021, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas postponed planned elections. He said it was because of a dispute amid Israeli-annexed East Jerusalum. He is 85 years old, and his Fatah Party is losing power to Hamas. Everyone knows that. Palestinians know that. 

Here’s the thing about Hamas: they might be terrorists, but aren’t idiots. They understand that they have a frustrated population filled with people who have been brutalized by their neighbors. And they also understand that Israel has something called the iron dome defense system, which means that if you throw a rocket at it, it probably won’t kill anyone (though there have been people in Israel who died, including Holocaust survivors). Israel will, however, retaliate, and when they do, they will kill Palestinian civilians. On a world stage, this looks horrible. The death toll, because Palestinians don’t have the same defense system, is always skewed. Should the Israeli government do that? No. It’s morally repugnant. It’s wrong. It’s unfair. It’s hurting people without the capability to defend themselves. But is Hamas counting on them to for the propaganda? Yeah. Absolutely. They’re literally willing to kill their other people for it.

You know why this works for Hamas? They know that Israel will respond anyway, despite the moral concerns. And if you’re curious why, you can read some books on the matter (Six Days of War by Michael Oren; The Yom Kippur War by Abraham Rabinovich; Rise and Kill First by Ronen Bergmen; Antisemitism by Deborah Lipstadt; and Israel: A Concise History of a Nation Reborn by Daniel Gordis). The TL;DR, if you aren’t interested in homework, is that Israel believes they have no choice but to defend themselves against what they consider ‘hostile powers.’ And it’s almost entirely to do with the Holocaust. It’s a little David v Goliath. It is, dare I say, complicated.

I’m barely scratching the surface here. 

(We won’t get into this in this post, though if you want to DM me for details, it might be worth knowing that Iran funds Hamas and basically supplies them with all of their weapons, and part of the reason the United States has been so reluctant to engage with this conflict is that Iran is currently in Vienna trying to restore its nuclear deal with western powers. The USA cannot afford to piss off Iran right now, and therefore cannot afford to aggravative Hamas and also needs to rely on Israel to destroy Irani nuclear facilities if the deal goes south. So, you know, there is that).

There are some people who will tell you that criticism of the Israel government is antisemitic. They are almost entirely members of the right wing, evangelical community, and they don’t speak for the Jewish community. The majority of Jewish people and Jewish Americans in particular are criticizing the Israeli government right now. The majority of Jewish people in the diaspora and in Israel support Palestinian rights and are speaking out about it. And actually, when they talk about it, they are putting themselves in great danger to do so. Because it really isn’t safe to be visibly Jewish right now. People may not want to listen to Jews when they speak about antisemitism or may want to believe that antisemitism ‘isn’t real’ because ‘the Holocaust is over’ but that is absolutely untrue. In 2019, antisemitic hate crimes in the United States reached a high we have never seen before. I remember that, because I was living in London, and I was super scared for my family at the time. Since then, that number has increased by nearly 400% in the last ten days. If you don’t believe me, have some articles about it (one, two, three, four, and five, to name a few). 

I live in New York City, where a man was beaten in Time Square while attending a Free Palestine rally and wearing a kippah. I’m sorry, but being visibly Jewish near a pro-Palestine rally? That was enough to have a bunch of people just start beating on him? I made a previous post detailing how there are Jews being attacked all over the world, and there is a very good timeline of recent hate crimes against Jews that you can find right here. These are Jews, by the way, who have nothing to do with Israel or Palestine. They are Americans or Europeans or Canadians who are living their lives. In some cases, they are at pro-Palestine rallies and they are trying to help, but they just look visibly Jewish.  God Forbid we are the wrong ethnicity for your rally, even if we agree.

This is really serious. There are people calling for the death of all Jews. There are people calling for another Holocaust. 

There are 14 million Jews in the world. 14 million. Of 7.6 billion. And you think it isn’t a problem the way people treat us?

Anyway (aside from, you know, compassion), why does this matter? This matters because stuff like this deters Jews who want to be part of the pro-Palestine movement because they are literally scared for their safety. I said this before, and I will say it again: Zionism was, historically speaking, a very unpopular opinion. It was only widespread antisemitic violence (you know, the Holocaust) that made Jews believe there was a necessity for a Jewish state. Honestly, it wasn’t until the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting that I supported it the abstract idea too.

I grew up in New York City, I am a liberal Jew, and I believe in the rights of marginalized and oppressed people to self-determine worldwide. Growing up, I also fit the profile of what many scholars describe as the self hating Jew, because I believed that, in order to justify myself in American liberal society, I had to hate Israel, and I had to be anti-Zionist by default, even if I didn’t always understand what ‘Zionism’ meant in abstract. Well, I am 27 years old now with two masters degrees in history, and here is what Zionism means to me: I hate the Israeli government. They do not speak for me. But I am not anti-Zionist. I believe in the necessity for a Jewish state — a state where all Jews are welcome, regardless of their background, regardless of their nationality. 

There needs to be a place where Jews, an ethnic minority who are unwelcome in nearly every state in the world, have a place where they are free from persecution — a place where they feel protected. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that place being the place where Jews are ethnically indigenous to. Because believe it or not, whether it is inconvenient, Jews are indigenous to the land of Israel. I’ve addressed this in this post.

With that said, that doesn’t mean you can kick the Palestinian people out. They are also indigenous to that land, which is addressed in the same post, if you don’t trust me. 

What is incredible to me is that Zionism is defined, by the Oxford English Dixtionary, as “A movement [that called originally for] the reestablishment of a Jewish nationhood in Palestine, and [since 1948] the development of the State of Israel.” Whether we agree with this or not, there were early disagreements about the location of a ‘Jewish state,’ and some, like Maurice de Hirsch, believed it ought to be located in South America, for example. Others believed it should be located in Africa. The point is that the original plans for the Jewish state were about safety. The plan changed because Jews wanted to return to their homeland, the largest project of decolonization and indigenous reclamation ever to be undertaken by an indigenous group. Whether you want to hear that or not, it is true. Read a book or two. Then you might know what I mean.

When people say this is a complicated issue, they aren’t being facetious. They aren’t trying to obfuscate the point. They often aren’t even trying to defend the Israeli government, because I certainly am not — I think they are abhorrent. But there is no future in the Middle East if the Israelis and Palestinians don’t form a state that has an equal right of return and recognizes both of their indigenousness, and that will never happen if people can’t stop throwing vitriolic rhetoric around.  Is the Israeli Government bad? Yes. Are Israeli citizens bad? Largely, no. They want to defend their families, and they want to defend their people. This is basically the same as the fact that Palestinian people aren’t bad, though Hamas often is. And for the love of god, stop defending terrorist organizations. Just stop. They kill their own people for their own power and for their own benefit. 

And yes, one more time, the Israeli government is so, so, so wrong. But god, think about your words, and think about how you are enabling Nazis. The rhetoric the left is using is hurting Jews. I am afraid to leave my house. I’m afraid to identify as Jewish on tumblr. I’m afraid for my family, afraid for my friends. People I know are afraid for me. 

It’s 2021. I am not my great uncle. I cried for him, but I shouldn’t have to die like him. 

Words have consequences. Language has consequences. And genuinely, I do not think everyone is a bad person, so think about what you are putting into the world, because you’d be surprised how often you are doing a Nazi a favor or two. 

Is that really what you want? To do a Nazi a favor or two? I don’t think that you do. I hope you don’t, at least.

That’s all. You know, five thousand words later. But uh, think a little. Please. 

[energonbunny]

VENOM 2 SPOILERS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

I got to see V2 today and here are some of my very Important notes:

-During an argument about what V can eat, Eddie responds that the two chickens they have in their apartment have brains and Venom goes “I MOST PASSIONATELY DISAGREE!”

-Venom also refuses to eat the chickens because they’re “friends” with each other

-The tire swing is there for Venom to bite when he gets really mad

-The holes in the ceiling are from 1. V+E chilling on the couch in the Venom suit and standing up and punching a hole through the ceiling with their head 2. Venom shoving Eddie into the ceiling

-Eddie literally grabs on to Venom’s goo and manhandles him. Venom allows this to an extent

-Venom grooms Eddie on their way to see Anne

-”Eddie, I apologize I cannot mend the heart” and then two seconds later “Must pull up your big boy pants and suck it up”

-so Eddie is still going around talking to himself and doesn’t even really bother too much with explaining it or hiding it

-This convo: Venom: YOU SUCK Eddie: *walks into the prison and to the guard stand* You suck! Guard Lady: Excuse me?! Eddie: ... Yeah, I don’t have an explanation for that

-”This is a ME thing and not a WE thing“ (which unless is in the comic I think is just a fanon thing? so that’s great)

-Eddie and Venom are arguing so Venom forces Eddie to just type ‘dik dik dik dik dik’ on his computer

-Eddie lying on the floor after chasing Venom out of him and smiling because Peace but then he hears smashing and yelling and looks out the window to see Venom destroying his bike lmao

-”SAYONARA” venom yells as he flicks Eddie off with an extended arm out of the new meat suit he hitched to

-”What would Venom do?” Eddie asks himself when he finds out Cletus has gotten out. I need #WWVD to start trending

-During the festival a woman in a mask says “Hello, gorgeous” to V and he responds “Sorry, no, not my type!”

-So during the festival there is a lady singing the song VENOM up on a stage and Venom literally hears his name called and looks dead at her as she keeps repeating the word and he thinks she’s calling him up to the stage. Like... that’s why he fucking goes up there lmao he thinks she’s inviting him up there

-Venom takes the mic from her and stands there for a few seconds and goes “Oh, shit...” because he doesn’t know what to say lmao

-What he says during his little speech at the very beginning literally makes it sound like Eddie has made him keep their relationship on the DL because they’re gay and in the closet and the crowd is appropriately horrified

-”I wish you could have seen me tonight, Eddie” MY HEART

-Eddie takes the chickens and abandons them in like a fountain area?? For some reason?? And has like a “you know this would have never worked out” moment with them, obviously in place of a missing Venom

-So Cletus gives Frances a warning before he reveals Carnage because he doesn’t want her to get scared and C+C bring out some tentacles and Frances goes “That is SO hot!” and honestly same girlie same

-We have actual confirmation that Venom did not need to tongue-fuck Eddie’s throat to go back to him after riding in Anne. In this movie Anne and Eddie hug and Venom transfers over! No kiss needed. Hell, I don’t think there was even any bare skin contact. I’m thriving

-This convo: Eddie: Looks like we’re going to a wedding Venom: Will there be canapes? Eddie: You bet your ass!

-A combined Venom+Eddie enter the church to confront Cletus and Frances. Cletus+Carnage combine and we get this winning conversation: Carnage: There you are! Death to you, Father! The priest that was kidnapped to marry C+F: NOOOOO Carnage: Not you, Father... *points to Venom* You, Father!

-Venom sees Carnage and immediately nopes out, leaving just Eddie. Carnage for some reason then does the same, leaving Cletus and Eddie just staring at each other. Eddie hits a new stage of grief as he tries to get Venom to come out again

-”OH YEAH” this is like the second koolaid man moment Venom has

-Venom and Eddie going in to fight Cletus and Carnage: Venom: Time to die! Eddie: That’s the spirit! Venom: I mean us, we are going to die!

-Venom and Eddie speaking in unison: TOGETHER WE ARE THE LETHAL PROTECTOR

-Just learning in general that Venom loves the idea of being a superhero and wants a superhero name very badly

-Dan and Anne forming like a pillar type thing for Venom to go into so he could then go out of them in time to beat Eddie to the bottom of the church floor and save him

-Eddie and Cletus having a Moment: Cletus: I wanted your friendship. Eddie: I’m sorry, Cletus. Venom, taking over again: FUCK THIS GUY *eats his head*

-Venom tells Dan to take care and then tells Eddie they didn’t really need him and he didn’t really help lmao

-The cop somehow has a symbiote?? Or idk Frances’ powers? I didn’t see him take in any blood so I am very confused but okay

-Eddie takes Venom to the park where he like left the chickens to have a Deep Talk and THE CHICKENS ARE STILL THERE?? It’s been at least a day if not more and by all appearances they’ve not left the grassy area

-Eddie goes to say “We are Venom” and Venom yells over him when he hits the “Ve” part

-Okay the ending has them on a beach. Like literally on a beach. Sitting on the sand watching the sunset together.

-VENOM HAS ENCAPSULATED EDDIE’S FEET AND IS WIGGLING HIS TOES IN THE SAND

-Venom quotes something that basically says ‘the people you love’ Eddie: Did you just say you love me? Venom: Uhm...

-Eddie making V very happy when V asks where they’ll go: Eddie: Anywhere that needs a lethal protector, I suppose Venom: OH YOU REALLY MEANT IT

-Venom’s head comes out of Eddie’s body and like the last shot is them both looking into the sunset

-There is a after credits sneak peak thing and it starts with a Spanish telenovela/soap and Venom is super into it

-This brought up by the stupid Spanish soap: Venom: We all have a past, Eddie Eddie: Are you hiding something from me???

-okay so technically Venom does say ILU first but Eddie I think shows it first because he puts aside what little hope he was clinging to of a Normal Life and staying on the Down Low so they’d be safe so he could instead travel around with Venom protecting people and making his symbiote happy

-like yeah we get that little scene where Venom makes Eddie breakfast but I think it’s partially because Anne said to take care of him and Venom is not the Best At It yet but he tries bless him

[msfcatlover]

My favorite thing about the reversed!Robins AU is how obvious it makes it that as time’s gone on, DC has had to increase their justifications for having a small child fight crime. Because in the reversed!AU, you get to watch the Robins become LESS qualified over time:

Duke:

Has superpowers he needs to learn to control.

Has already gone up against a couple supervillains on his own before being recruited.

If it’s early enough in Batman’s career, Bruce might just think they need to get the Joker off the streets so they can focus on curing Duke’s parents. And in the meantime, he’ll keep an eye on the kid.

Damian:

Bruce’s biological son, so there’s no chance of just turning him away.

Raised by literal assassins, so there’s no question about whether he can hold his own in a fight.

Desperately needs someone to help him form a moral compass and learn to express himself in other ways than “condescension” & “stabbing.”

Duke is basically immortal, so there’s no worry about Damian permanently damaging him during deprogramming.

Stephanie:

Her father is a supervillain.

She was already vigilanting on her own, with NO training, and nothing Bruce can do will stop her.

She doesn’t even have body armor, at least this is safer!

She’s actually a pretty smart kid who could use some real support, and she won’t take shit from anyone (so Damian won’t scare her off.)

Tim:

Stephanie’s best friend, so there’s no way to keep him away from all this. (I like to think even if they didn’t meet through superheroing, they’d end up being penpals through one of those inter-school community things, or meet on a Batman forum, or something.)

An actual, literal child genius.

Still stalked Batman & Robin, and figured out their identities on his own because of Robin. (Lined up Stephanie’s “scheduling issues” with patrols or something, probably.)

When Stephanie’s out of commission, shows up insisting he can help out & refuses to leave until Bruce gives in.

Turns out his home life is shit. Wow, Alfred, we can do better for him, he deserves so much more—

Jason:

Smol, violent, and full of rage.

Street kid with the guts to take a tire-iron to Batman.

Has the WORST luck, and just keeps ending up in terrible situations every time Bruce tries to find a stable not-the-manor home for him.

Once again, this kid is really smart, and nobody appreciates him? Someone needs to nurture & cherish him, Alfred, someone needs to give him the support he deserves!

Statistics suggest he’ll either end up a criminal or dead in a gutter before he’s 20, and Bruce just can’t let that happen.

Dick:

Master Bruce, that is a child.

No, no there’s no excuse here. He could be rehomed. He could get therapy. He could be sent back to his circus.

I don’t care that the boy ran away multiple times to pick a fight with mobsters. You’re BATMAN. And you are far from the only vigilante in this city. There is no way you cannot keep ONE CHILD away from crime scenes!

I’m not saying you should throw him out. I simply wish you to acknowledge there is a nine year old in a cape in our living room, and that this is a problem.

(Dick, in the background: “I can kick your ass. I can kick anyone’s ass. I’ll prove it right now, lemme at ‘em!”

Jason: “…If anything happened to this child, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.”

Duke: “Maybe we should think—”

Tim: “I already texted Dami.”

Duke: “He’s not a pet—”

Stephanie: “He’s adorable, and we’re keeping him!”

Damian, racing in at top speed: “WHERE IS THE NEW LITTLE BROTHER?!”)

(And then it was too late.)

[diaphragmjellyfish]

I Have This... Thing

Not My Gif

So as someone with vaginismus, it’s sometimes frustrating to read fan fiction, specifically smut. Y/N always has sex so easily and with very little foreplay, finishing with no issues. And it’s so great for people who can do that, but it’s not the case for all of us. Some of us can’t have any sort of penetration without pain. Some people can’t finish without toys, or hours of work. Some people will never be able to have penetrative sex. There’s all kinds of people, and there’s all kinds of sex. But not near enough fics featuring Y/N’s with these issues. So I’m going to write some, and feel free to request any issue with any character, and if I don’t know that character, we can collaborate to find a character you like that I do know. 

Paul Lahote x reader smut. 

You had lived in Forks for about 6 months now. You’ve known your new friends here for 5 months. And you’ve been the imprint of Paul Lahote for 3 months. Well, you’ve been his imprint since you guys first locked eyes at La Push when you first hung out with Emily, but he didn’t tell you about the whole werewolf/ imprint thing until 3 months ago. Safe to say it came as a shock. Your friends, the people who had welcomed you so easily, helped you move furniture around, and gave you tours of the new town, were WOLVES. Or engaged to wolves. *cough* Emily *cough*. You had to take a few weeks break from them after they told you. After Sam explained the legends, the lore. After Paul told you that you were basically his soul mate. It’s a lot to take in! 

But you quickly realized that you had grown to love the pack. And now that you knew the big secret, things were easier around them. No more lies about where they had all been. No more avoiding talking about their mysterious injuries that only seemed to last for a couple hours. No more awkwardly dancing around why Paul stared at you constantly and wouldn’t let any other guy get within 6 feet of you without having a rage attack and sprinting into the woods. Things were going good. 

Well… as good as they could be without sex. Yep. You and Paul had been together for 3 months and you have not had sex. You didn’t give each other head. You didn’t take your clothes off around each other. You didn’t even dry hump. And you knew it was your fault. You could tell that Paul was getting nervous about the fact that you wouldn’t let him touch you like that. He would never ask you about it, because he wouldn’t want you to feel pressured or rushed, but you could tell it was on his mind. The little sad smile he would give when you stopped things from going further. The hover of his hands over your ass before landing back on your waist. The way he looked almost guilty after looking at you in a swimsuit or crop top. 

See, vaginismus made relationships difficult. You never had a long term relationship before Paul. You were either too scared to tell partners about it, and just dealt with the excruciating pain, which would lead to resentment and breakups, or you would tell them and they would ghost you. Guys don’t normally go for girls who’s opening line is “Hi! I cannot have sex without crying.” You’d been dilating for almost a year now. It was going okay. Some days hurt more than others. A lot of times, Paul would ask you to hang out when you were in the middle of your physical therapy, and you would have to make up some excuse as to why you couldn't. Too tired. Headache. Stomach bug. He was starting to catch on. 

One day, you guys were hanging out at your apartment watching a movie. You had been making out, but as soon as it started getting slightly heated, you had pulled away and got up to get a drink refill. Paul, having gotten used to the routine, didn’t question you. While you were in the kitchen pouring some more juice, Paul asked “Hey babe? Do you have a charger I can borrow?”

“Yeah it’s in the top drawer of my bedside table,” you haphazardly yelled back. 

You heard him get up and go into your bedroom, rummaging around a little. Then silence. 

“Hey babe?” he said hesitantly. You thought he just couldn’t find the charger, so you began walking towards your room to grab it for him. Once you got to the doorway, you stopped dead in your tracks. Eyes wide. Face bright red. Paul held up the dilator you were currently on, which was about 5 inches long and looked… well let’s be honest. It looked like a dildo. The bottle of lubricant that was also in the drawer didn’t help your case. How the fuck were you supposed to explain yourself? You expected Paul to tease you, make some sex jokes, and maybe try to make out with you again, but he didn’t. He looked absolutely crushed. 

“Do you not want to have sex with me?” He asked, sounding on the verge of tears. 

“What?! Paul, of course I want to have sex with you!”

“Then why this?” he pressed.

“You don’t even know what that’s for. Let me explain,” you pleaded, afraid he was going to lose that infamous temper. You’d never witnessed it before, but you were scared you were about to. 

“I think I have a pretty good guess about what this is for!” He exclaimed, holding it up. “You won’t even let me kiss your neck but you have this that you obviously use when I’m not around. You don’t want to have sex with me. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Paul! That’s not true at all!” You were starting to get irritated at his assumptions. “It’s for physical therapy.” 

“Oh, is that what we’re calling orgasms now?” He questioned, exasperated. 

“I’m not talking about orgasms! If you gave me two seconds to explain, you would know that that does not bring me an ounce of pleasure. I hate having to use it.” You started to tear up at this, all the memories of your struggles surging back up. At this, Paul stopped. He looked super confused, but also worried about you. God forbid you shed a tear, Paul would rip the world apart to make you happy again. “Come sit down,” you said, resigned, as you moved to sit on the edge of your bed. Paul, still holding the dilator in his hand, sat down next to you. The silence seemed to last an eternity, but you knew that the longer you went without explaining, the more hurt Paul would feel. 

“I wasn’t lying when I said it was for physical therapy,” you whispered. “I have other ones. All different sizes.” You realized you might not have been helping your case with this. 

“I don’t understand. Why do you need them if you don’t use them to get off?” He looked like a kicked puppy. 

“Well… I have this thing. It’s like… a condition? And I need them so maybe one day I can have sex without any pain.” He still looked wildly confused, and you knew you were going to have to elaborate. “When I first started having sex, it hurt. A lot. But I always heard that it was supposed to hurt the first time. So I just kind of put up with it. It was bad though. I always tapped out, couldn’t go for more than a couple minutes. It felt like this really intense stinging. Like a rugburn all inside me. And it didn’t stop, even after I started doing it more. It never went away… I ended up googling it, and it’s actually something that a lot of women struggle with. I made a doctor’s appointment and was lucky enough to get diagnosed the first time. Lots of women are told they’re making it up. My doctor gave me these dilators, told me how to use them, and said that with enough time and physical therapy, I could have painless sex one day.” When you finished, you turned to look at him. He was staring intently at the dilator, thinking. 

“So, you have to like… stretch yourself? Were you just born too small?” He phrased it delicately, but you knew what he meant. 

“Basically, it’s an anxiety disorder with very physical symptoms. My pelvic floor muscles constrict when I try to put anything inside me, which makes it super painful. It’s like an involuntary reflex. Like blinking when something flies near your face. And I have to condition my body to learn that penetration doesn’t hurt, and that it doesn’t have to tighten up like that. The condition is called vaginismus. You can google it yourself if you want.” 

“Oh.” A pause. Paul knew you had some anxiety, but he never guessed it could cause something like this. He knew you were embarrassed. He could tell. And the last thing he wanted was for you to feel like you couldn’t be open and vulnerable with him. Did you think he would leave you? Or get mad? “Why didn’t you tell me?” Was the question that came out. 

“It’s humiliating. I could tell you were getting antsy about us not having sex, and I guess I didn’t have the heart to tell you that it’s not going to happen anytime soon. This physical therapy, it takes a while. I’ve already been doing it for almost a year, and I still have three sizes after this one.” A tear fell. You wiped it away quickly, hoping he Paul wouldn’t notice, but he did. He moved to wrap his arms around you, putting the dilator back on your nightstand. He embraced you, and the reassurance that he wasn’t going anywhere was more than you could handle. You burst into tears as he pulled you onto his lap and rocked you both, rubbing his hand up and down your back. You guys stayed there until you stopped crying, and then he finally spoke. 

“Y/N, I don’t ever want you to feel like there’s something you can’t tell me. I love you. And yeah, I would love to have sex with you one day, but I’m with you because of who you are. I don’t care if we never do it. You are my person, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you the happiest you can be. This? This thing you think is such a problem? It’s irrelevant to me. To my love for you. And I will be here every step of the way, supporting you, cheering you on, until you don’t want me anymore.” He brought your hand up to his mouth and kissed it. 

“I love you, Paul,” was all you could say. You leaned in and shared the sweetest, most loving kiss either of you had ever experienced. His hand cupped the side of your face, thumb rubbing your cheek. When you pulled away, the tension in the room was gone, replaced with you and Paul’s usual light, fun energy. 

“How do you use them?” He smiled as he asked, nodding his head towards your nightstand where the dilator still rested. “Do you like… just ride them? Or..?” 

You laughed, which made his smile broaden. “It’s not a sexual thing. Basically I put a towel down, cover the dilator in lube, and put it in as far as I can without pain. Then, I just sit there and leave it for like 20 minutes. And then I take it out.” 

“So you just like... do homework while you do it?” His concerned face made you laugh again. 

“You have to make your body associate it with pleasure, so no, I don’t do homework. Normally I’ll watch a funny show or eat some candy or FaceTime you.”

He froze at this. “You do this when we FaceTime?” 

This made you blush and look away from his piercing gaze. “Sometimes. I can stop if it makes you uncomfortable. It’s just a nice distraction.” 

“No, no. I don’t want you to stop. It’s just… can I see you do it?” This question shocked you. Not just the question itself, but the fact that you didn’t hate the idea. You loved kissing Paul. What better way to associate therapy with pleasure than by kissing him while you do it? 

“Are you sure? Like I said, it’s not exactly sexual. Or sexy. Like at all. I literally just sit there.” 

“I know, it’s ok. I want to be able to help you, but if you don’t want to we can just go back to the movie.” 

“I mean I do still have to do it today.” You thought for another second, before jumping up and saying “Okay. Let’s do it.” 

Paul looked happy and excited, but also lost. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, or with his eyes. Did you want him to touch you? Or just watch you? Or just sit in the corner of the room and face the wall? You were spreading a towel across the middle of the bed, and went to untie your sweatpants before looking at him. 

“Guess we haven’t really gotten this far, huh?” alluding to being naked in front of each other. It did make you a little nervous, and nerves equal tight muscles, which means pain. 

“Why don’t you put a blanket over yourself? That way there’s less pressure,” he suggested, and you could have kissed him for it. You smiled, nodded, and grabbed a throw blanket from the chair. He turned around to face the wall while you took off your pants and settled under the blanket. 

“Ok, I’m good.” you said. He turned back around, coming to kneel beside you on the bed. 

“Do you want me to just… hold your hand? Or sit here and talk to you?” 

“Would you want to sit behind me?” You suggested nervously, leaning forward slightly. 

“Of course! Yeah, I can do that.” He took this seriously, and you appreciated that. This was a scenario you had thought about many times, and though you knew he wouldn’t be the type to ask you to have sex with him despite the pain, it was always a possibility. The fact that he didn’t take your pain lightly, and let you be in charge so you would be comfortable, meant more to you than he would ever know. Paul gently climbed behind you, putting his legs on either side of you, and hesitantly rubbing your shoulders. You leaned back into him, as if to say I’m okay with this.

“Can you hand me the… “ You nodded your head towards the nightstand, and Paul didn’t need to hear the rest of the sentence before he leaned over and grabbed the dilator and bottle of lube, holding them out in front of you both. You muttered a “thanks” as you took them from his hands, and brought them under the blanket. After slathering the dilator with a good amount of lube, you closed the bottle and tossed it towards the foot of the bed, leaning back and shifting your hips down. Paul clearly didn’t want to overstep his boundaries, so he was slow and careful as he wrapped his arms around your torso, giving you time to say stop. You didn’t, though. He felt your body tense slightly as you dragged the tip of the dilator around your entrance, so he started to rub his hands up and down your sides, kissing your cheek. You turned your head to look at him, and he met you with a sweet kiss. You guys pulled away slightly, before going back in as you began to push the dilator in further. He kissed you with love, tenderness, and care, so as not to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. It was clear that you had the reigns, and Paul would stop as soon as you gave the slightest indication that you were uncomfortable. The dilator was about half way in, and you felt a slight stinging sensation, but kissing Paul distracted you. You brought one hand up to cup the side of his face, pulling him back in. 

Paul kept kissing you, waiting for your lips to part so he could brush his tongue against yours. This is normally where you would stop him, but he knew everything now. There was no expectation of more, and damn. Paul was a really good kisser. He sucked lightly at your lower lip, before nibbling it and letting it go, coming back in with his lips. The combination of Paul’s kisses, the slight heat they brought to your body, and the pressure of the tip of the dilator inside you had you shift your hips, and involuntarily let out a small moan. It was barely audible, but Paul and his super senses heard it. You pulled away and slapped a hand over your mouth, your face turning bright red. He chuckled deeply, the sound going straight to your body, and brought his hand up to pull your hand off your mouth. “Don’t you dare hide those sounds from me,” he teasingly whispered into your ear. You shivered, and Paul started to kiss your cheek, down your jaw, and onto your neck. He sucked on the soft skin, hands squeezing your waist and rubbing up and down. You wanted to try something. For the first time, dilating actually didn’t feel so obligatory, so mechanical and stiff. You pushed the dilator deeper in, just about a centimeter, but enough to give you that feeling you had moments ago. You let out a breathy sigh as you tilted your head to give Paul more room on your neck. He felt you shift your hips again, and brought one of his hands to rub circles on your lower stomach. Skin on skin. And it felt good. 

You kept going like this for a few minutes, and Paul could feel your skin grow hotter by the second. Your back was arched, your neck covered in light red marks, and Paul had the intense desire to see you unravel. He brought his lips from your neck up to the side of your face, getting as close to eye contact as he could in this position, and said “Can I touch you?” 

You knew what he meant. The thought of it made you nervous. No one had touched you without it hurting before. It was almost as if he read your mind when he followed with “I can just stay on the outside…” Oh. You could be down with that. You turned your head to him and nodded. 

“Just try not to touch the dilator,” you said softly. You trusted Paul. He was already being so kind and patient with this, and you knew he would die before he would ever hurt you. The hand that had been rubbing circles on your stomach travelled lower. Lower. Lower. Until he could feel the slight stubble of a past shave, and then your soft, wet skin. You gasped as he touched your most sensitive parts, even more so because of how turned on you were. He gently made small, tight circles over your clit, your eyes rolling back in your head as you fell completely slack against him and let out a moan. A real moan, that Paul swore he would never forget. And he made you make that sound. It only spurred him on. He applied slightly more pressure, but not so much as to overwhelm you. And he knew that when girls were feeling good, the secret wasn’t faster or harder, but to keep doing exactly what you were doing. So that’s what he did, and it had you writhing. Your moans kept coming, and your legs had started to shake. However, because it felt so good, your muscles had started to clench around the dilator, and it was beginning to hurt. 

You didn’t want to rain on the parade. It was going so well. But Paul being the attentive lover that he is, noticed you begin to tense up in a new way. He brought his hand back up to your stomach, concern racing through his brain, and asked “Are you okay? Does it hurt?” 

“It’s kind of starting to. Not you, the dilator. I think I might take it out.” You stared down at his hand still touching your stomach. Such beautiful hands. You didn’t want it to end. 

“Do you want to try a smaller one? Or do you want to stop?” He questioned. 

“I really don’t want to stop,” you laughed. He breathed a laugh as well, and waited for your direction. You had a thought. Paul’s index finger was smaller than the dilator. Much smaller. If you just told him what to do and what not to do, that could feel really good. “Would you want to maybe… Nevermind.” You got nervous. 

“Hey, hey. No. Don’t do that. Tell me what you want,” He brought a finger up to your chin and moved your face towards him. “Tell me. Whatever it is, Princess. It’s yours.” Your whole body shuddered at this. He’s never called you that before, and to say it did something to you would be an understatement. 

You let out a breath, gathering courage, and said “Would you want to… use your finger?” 

He stopped at this. “Like, put my finger inside you? That wouldn’t hurt?” 

“I don’t think so. It’s smaller than this,” you said, bringing the dilator out and up. “And as long as I tell you what to do, it could be really good,” you said the last part shyly. 

“Okay, Princess. I can do that. How do you want me to do it?” 

“Try to do more… pressure, and less… friction? Like try not to go in and out so much, but you can move it around inside.” Your face was once again blushing intensely. 

“Anything you want. You just have to promise that you’ll tell me if it even hurts a little.”

“I promise.” You said it confidently enough that Paul brought his hand back down under the blanket. He circled your clit a couple times, making you shiver and release a breathy sigh, before moving his middle finger even lower, circling your entrance. He gathered some of the lube that was there from the dilator, coating his finger, and you brought your hand down to hold it, guiding it inside you at a speed that was comfortable. It was smaller than the dilator, so he was in you in 15 seconds. He stopped, and gave you a minute to adjust. Your hips writhed again because of how turned on you were, so Paul brought his other hand down and began circling your clit again. Your head fell back on his shoulder as you began to moan again, hips moving even more now. Paul took this as his queue to press his middle finger up against your inner wall lightly, causing a loud moan to leave your mouth. You were too far gone to be embarrassed. 

“There you go, baby,” he praised. God, this was the hottest thing he had ever seen. He was barely touching you, barely moving his finger inside you, and you were a mess. He had been rock hard since you guys started, but your ass was rubbing against him as you moved your hips, and he released a small growl at the feeling. This only turned you on more. He kept moving his finger in you the same way. Pressure, not friction. Pressure, not friction. He kept telling himself this. He wanted to finger bang you into oblivion, but the risk of hurting you was too high, so he kept up with rubbing the tip of his finger against that spot on your upper wall, in a “come-hither” motion. Your moans began to get higher in pitch, your body tensing even more.

“Relax your muscles for me, sweetheart,” he encouraged, and you did. Your release was approaching rapidly, and you wanted to grind against his hand, but you didn’t want to risk pain, so you trusted Paul to get you there. You were panting, hips shuddering, face scrunched, as your climax hit you like a wave. Your legs shook as you opened your mouth in a silent scream, and Paul carried you all the way through it. You came down, and lightly grabbed his wrists. He knew that that meant stop. So he slowly withdrew his finger, brought it up to his mouth, and sucked on it. Head still up in the clouds, you watched him, slack-jawed, as he popped his finger out and moaned. “So sweet,” he purred. Watching him suck on his finger like that made you think of something you’d like to suck on, and you looked down at Paul, still rock hard, and turned around in his lap. 

“Let me return the favor,” you said with a smirk.

[theepisceswriter]

Doing dirty things w/ AOT characters while you two most definitely shouldn’t be (Reiner, Erwin, Zeke, Levi)

A/N: my faithful stoned thot anon, shoutout to you for this request and I hope this was something like you were imagining in your mind. I know you only asked for simple mundane tasks, but I wanted to be extra and include more situations. I can’t wait to work on the other ones you sent me !

Synopsis: Basically, you’re trying to do a task that requires a lot of your attention or you to be silent (like on the phone, out to eat with friends, etc), but your partner really really needs some attention in that moment. I suck at descriptions sorry 🥴 If you see any typos no u didn’t, but really I was too lazy to proofread.

TW: Modern AU, hehe naughtiness obviously, choking for Zeke, also embarrassment, fembodied!reader, 18+, MINORS DNI!

REINER BRAUN: Movie night with friends

Reiner just couldn’t help himself, he really couldn’t. The first sight of you in your silky pajama shorts and this man’s thoughts were going crazy watching you parade around the house as you grabbed the snacks and needed materials for tonight’s movie night with some of you guys’ friends. Luckily the fabric of his pajama pants were loose enough to hide the growing boner in his pants, but of course he made it known to you by approaching you from behind and pressing it against your ass so you could feel just how hard you had made him simply by looking pretty.

His hands began to roam all over your body, stealing a grope of your breast, and his mouth attached to your neck, taking breaks in between kisses to tell you how good you look and how much you riled him up. As good as it all felt, Pieck and Porco were only right down the street, so you took his hands off of your body with promises of making him feel better later in the night once they had left. You’re lucky he doesn’t like quickies like that and prefers to take his time with you or else he would’ve taken you right there up against that counter chile.

Pieck and Porco finally arrive and what was supposed only be one movie turned into two, and now here you were snuggled up under Reiner on a completely different couch than Porco and Pieck while they flipped through a catalogue on the television looking for a new movie to start up; Reiner growing more and more impatient as the minutes went on. The constant caressing on your thigh and pinches he would give your nipples every now and then giving that away completely.

You got tired of fighting his advances off a long time ago and part of you wanted him to continue, to see how far he would actually go, because truth is you wanted him just as much as he wanted you right now. You were just a lot better at hiding it.

It was halfway through the movie that he finally decides to make a drastic move, moving you to a position where your back was pressed against his chest and tapping your hips, signifying for you to raise them so he could pull your shorts down to your thighs.

“Sit still for the rest of the night and I’ll reward us both so good once they leave.” He’d whisper in your ear. The only warning you’d get before he’s slowly easing his cock into you careful not to stretch you out too much, but the wetness that accumulated between your legs all night long makes it so you swallow him completely. A shocked moan leaving both of your lips, but luckily being silenced by the action scene on the tv; both Porco and Pieck too into it to even pay attention to the two of you.

So desperately you wanted to swirl your hips up against you, create any sort of friction to make his cock hit that spot in your soft velvety walls that left you clenching and squealing and him growling into your ears, but instead you had to be as still as possible while cockwarming him. Not being too careful would surely draw the attention of the other two, but Reiner still tested the waters every now and then by shifting every so often on purpose to cause movement.

He was even able to draw a weird moan out of you once that had Porco and Pieck looking over at you like you were crazy, questioning if you were okay which you had no choice but to reply yes to. Barely able to get that out because the feeling of his cock throbbing inside of you mixed with your walls clenching around him was a whole sensation on its own.

“Careful, you don’t want them knowing that I’m balls deep in you right now would you? Or would a slut like you enjoy that; them knowing that your pussy is swallowing my cock whole right now?”

Reiner is degrading during sex sometimes and you cannot tell me otherwise #sorrynotsorry.

And when he said the two of you would be staying like this the whole night until they left he absolutely meant it. After that little moaning incident he surprisingly acted normal the whole night, like the two of you weren’t even doing what you were doing underneath the cover. Knowing how torturous it must be for him to deny you the skin to skin contact and hip bucking you needed from him.

ERWIN SMITH: In a restaurant surrounded by friends

You never thought Erwin to be the bold type to try something out in public with you. The closest thing the two of you have done to it was a quick quickie in his office once with you pressed against the window of the skyscraper building it was located in, but even then you could feel the anxiety in his muscles as he pressed himself up against you; scared of an assistant or important business partner to come barging in on the two of you.

So you can imagine the shock on your face when you were spending the night out with friends at a restaurant, preoccupied with listening to Levi’s horror stories at his tea shop when you felt the ghostly tingles of Erwin’s fingers trail up on your thigh. A hand on your knee was nothing, something he had done plenty of times as a small sign of PDA, but this was different. You looked over to him with a questioned look in your eyes, but his kept his eyes straight and responded to you physically by pressing his thumb against the cloth that separated his finger from your clit.

Almost immediately you choked on the spit going down your throat which garnered the attention from everyone else at the table asking if you were alright. Everyone but Erwin turned to you and if they were truly paying attention that would’ve been a major sign that something was up, but your quick, “I’m okay!” Response had them off your back in an instance and only edged Erwin on more, fingers pushing your panties to the side as he continued on.

The food in front of you hadn’t been touched in around 10 mins since you found yourself full before you were able to finish it all, but you had to pick up your fork and abruptly take a bite of of it when you felt Erwin’s long fingers plunge into you with ease from your wetness and curl up into you; the metal between your teeth the best attempt you had at covering up your moans.

You swear you saw a slight smirk on his lips when you glanced over at him because he’s a menace to society like that.

His hands moved so languidly inside of you hitting all the right spots and pressing down on the sensitive parts of you that always guaranteed a reaction out of you. While also simultaneously still rubbing your clit with his thumb in wide circles, enjoying every twist and turn he saw your face do as you tried desperately to hold your moans in.

At one point, to mess with you even more, he leaned in and whispered into your ear, “You think all these people know that your cunt is clenching around my fingers about to cum?” No one else heard him but you, but it definitely drew the attention of Levi who threw a confused look your way. To which you could only reply to with a smile and awkward chuckle that almost broke out into a moan because Erwin thought it would be a good idea to speed up his fingers.

You didn’t care how obvious it looked anymore, your teeth found comfort in the skin of his arm to stifle moans and your fingers had a death grip on his thighs as your orgasm hit you like a wave. Leaving you with nothing to do but grind your hips down into his fingers slowly to not draw attention as you rode out his orgasm. His fingers were covered in your slick as he pulled them off of you and instead of being discreet and wiping them on his pants or even your dress, he picked up a small dessert off his plate and turned to you. Feeding it to you and sticking his fingers a little too far in your mouth so you can clean your own orgasm off of your fingers. His thumb going between his own lips once he took his fingers out of your mouth and sucking on it gently. “That was delicious.” He would state, never breaking eye contact with you.

The tent in his dressy slacks gave away all the excitement he was feeling on the inside as he watched you squirm in your seat while he did something so naughty to you in public. He couldn’t take it anymore, placing his share of the bill on the table and excusing the both of you for the night before going around and saying your goodbyes. No one seemed to notice anything, except for when you went to Levi to give him a goodbye hug and he whispered in your ear, “Next time get a room or go to the bathroom you freaks.” You totally weren’t embarrassed and didn’t leave the restaurant with warm cheeks.

ZEKE JAEGER: During a zoom meeting

First off, sexy time stuff aside, Zeke is a menace to society and always interrupting your zooms. Whether it’s him barging into the room and asking a question like “Did you eat the last bagel?” While you’re unmuted or walking behind you with his shirt off while you have you camera on. You will never know a peaceful smooth sailing zoom meeting with Zeke in the house.

But you were immune to it at this point and he was a little too immune and comfortable with messing with you while you were in them. But hey, you couldn’t blame him! You looked all too good to him while you laid in the bed on your stomach in one of his band tees and nothing else while you payed attention to the boring lecture happening on your laptop.

Once he realized that your camera was off his hands were on you immediately, rubbing up and down your legs to signify to you that he was in a mood while he made his way on the bed behind you.

“You can’t just be walking around the house all sexy like this and expect me not to pounce on you.”

You want to say something snarky and remarkable back, but a distraction from your boring ass class is exactly what you needed. So instead of protesting this time around, you arched your back so your ass was nearly up to his face to which he replied with playfully slapping you on it and even taking a nibble of your cheek. And because you’re a menace to society you run your own hand along your clothed slit and moving your panties out of the way to put it on display for him.

“I could really use some distracting right now.” Say less, this man’s mouth is on your clit in an instant, devouring you like you’re his first meal of the day. Your hips instinctively grinding down against his tongue as he moved his focus to sucking on your clit at a pace that left you ass up face down on the bed moaning like a pornstar. Never mind his beard scraping against your thighs and possibly leaving a rash there later for you to deal with. It adds a nice touch of pain to your pleasure.

So caught up into the pleasure warming up your lower stomach, you don’t even notice your teacher calling on you until Zeke reaches out and taps on the keyboard to move your attention back to the zoom in front of you, his mouth still working magic on your clit; a mixture of his spit and your juices trailing down his chin. The site is enough to make you cum but you’re forced to divert your eyes away from it as you unmute yourself, quickly asking her to repeat the question, going back on mute before they can hear the slurping noises that Zeke obnoxiously made louder once you unmuted.

“I’m going to kill you.” “Pay attention to school sweetheart before I stop completely. Education comes first!” What an asshole, but despite the joking tone of his voice you know he’d stop in a heartbeat just to mess with you and you’re too close to an orgasm for him to up and quit like that.

From the way your hips move sloppily against his face he can tell that you’re close, but once the teacher repeats the question at you to answer he pulls away completely seemingly to cut you some slack. But, surprise, he only moves his mouth away to replace it with his cock, sliding into you with ease and thrusting into you at a steady pace that has you moan loudly into the microphone on accident.

His face lights up with a smug expression and smile, the embarrassment on your cheeks making him pick up his pace and turning him on in a way. “Now your whole class is going to know that you were getting fucked by me. Too busy getting your hole pounded to even pay attention to the lesion. What a dirty little slut, they’re probably talking about you right now as we speak.”

You’re at a loss of words, not only because of embarrassment but because you can barely form a sentence from the way Zeke is pounding into you so ruthlessly from behind. His hand even coming forward and grabbing at your neck to balance himself against the bed while on his knees.

Your morning with him is far from over and the embarrassment from this zoom is going to last with you forever.

LEVI ACKERMAN:  On an important phone call

I know Levi Ackerman with his hands around our necks really get us going and the thought of dom him fucking us from behind while on the phone with our boss  makes us feel butterflies in our stomachs....BUT the thought of sub Levi whimpering and having to put his phone on mute while discussing business with someone because you have his cock halfway down your throat, is an equally as hot image.

He would glance at you from over his phone and let out a silent “What are you doing?” And make a faint shooing away motion in the air to make you leave, but he doesn’t want you to leave. You know that and he knows that which is why when you went to unbuckle his pants he gladly let you, hips even raising slightly so you can pull them down enough to let his cock and balls free from the restraints of his underwear and pants.

It was such a sudden and rash decision on your end that he wasn’t even hard at all when you pulled him out, but one lick from the base of his cock to the tip of it is enough to make it stand tall. Warranting a deep intake of air that has the person on the other end of the line asking if he was okay. Between the embarrassment from nearly being caught and the pleasure exploding in his lower half from how good you’re working your mouth, his cheeks are flushed with a bright pink color.

“Do you want me to stop” “no, no, keep going, please.”

He’s so needy and close to that sweet release already, the excitement from doing something so naughty while the person on the other end of the phone has no idea has his senses in an overload. Even the broken ‘Y-Yes’s that have to leave his lips every time he unmutes his phone strikes an excited nerve in him that he didn’t know he had; wishing he could moan as freely as he could to show off how good you make him feel, but he bites back those moans with his teeth. Instead opting for a number of praises when he can.

“You look so pretty on your knees in front of me with your cock in my mouth.” “You make me feel so so good, you don’t even know how good I feel right now because of you.” “Keep that up and I’m going to cum.”

Eyes closing shut and breath picking up the closer he gets. His hand even coming down to move your head at a pace that feels godly around his cock.

Usually you would tease and pull away altogether when he did this, reminding him that he couldn’t be too needy, but you would be lying if you said this didn’t have just as much of affect on him as it did on you, thighs clenching together with each bob of your head and moan that left his lips that he couldn’t quite bite back.

He’s an incoherent mess at the end, lips not even able to move together to form sentences and his hips bucking up wildly into your throat to release his load down your throat. His hips still bucking up slightly even after he came because it just felt that good. His mind was so clouded with pleasure that he didn’t even notice the person on the phone had hung up a long time ago, something he would have to deal with later but that proved helpful right now.

“I hope you don’t think that this was it.” Oops, now you awoke the dominant side of Levi’s switch personality and he’s definitely not letting you off the hook for this one.

[freelancearsonist]

Put Your Emptiness to Melody

Mikael Boghosian x fem!Reader

Rated MA for a comfort blowjob, indirect references to ptsd, maybe unhealthy coping mechanisms for said ptsd, and allusions to pregnancy/ttc

1,141 words

A/N: the first few paragraphs of this has been sitting in my wip folder for nearly a year and i finally got around to finishing it 😂 this is basically just porn without plot with a title taken from a hozier song (to noise making (sing)) and i regret nothing 😂i hope you all enjoy this quick little thing 🥺

“Mikael, my love. It is late,” you state with a soft smile. “Come to bed. Please. I cannot sleep without you, and I know my embrace relaxes you.”

Your husband sighs deeply but musters a smile, eyes flickering up to meet yours as he marks the page of the book he’s reading and sets it aside.

“I suppose you’re right,” he murmurs. You can hear the exhaustion in his tone, and it breaks your heart a little bit.

It breaks your heart even more that his swirling thoughts keep him awake even when he’s this tired.

You take his hand and pull him into the bedroom with little resistance, a soft smile on his worn face as your hands gently help him out of his clothes.

“Thank you again for making dinner tonight,” you tell him as you plant a soft kiss on his cheek.

He gets this way when he remembers too much. He needs to use his hands—keep himself busy to keep himself distracted. So you knew right away when you returned from errands and smelled dinner on the stove earlier that evening that he was having a bad day.

“It was nothing,” he shrugs bashfully. “Just wanted to do something nice for my beautiful wife.”

“How was your day?” It’s whispered against his collarbone between scattered kisses as you push his shirt off his shoulders.

He takes a moment, losing a deep sigh before he answers. “Long.”

“I can tell you had a rough day,” you tell him gently. “I’m sorry, my love. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Just… stay with me.”

The poor darling is always so scared of losing you, as if he’ll wake up and you’ll have vanished completely. You can’t blame him, after everything he’s been through, but you wish you could help him know that you’re not going anywhere.

“I’m here,” you tell him as you tug on his belt. “I’m always gonna be here. I’m yours ‘til death do us part.”

He doesn’t tell you that you never know exactly how soon death may part the two of you—he doesn’t want to ruin the mood. Not when you’re helping him out of his pants and hooking your fingers in the waistband of his boxers.

“We’re a bit uneven here,” he points out with a boyish grin—it warms your heart to see his mood lifting already. “May I help you out of this nightgown?”

“You may,” you giggle. No matter how many times you do this, how long you’ve been together, he always makes you feel like a lovesick teenager.

You hum happily when he gently pulls your nightgown over your head, but you stop him when his lips instinctually fall to skim over the tops of your breasts.

“Let me take care of you, darling,” you insist gently as you push him back onto the mattress. “You’ve already done so much for me tonight, let me return the favor.”

Normally, Mikael loves to focus his attentions on you and bringing you pleasure—but he can’t deny that being the center of attention sounds nice right now. He wants to lose himself in your ministrations, and he’s sure you’ll be able to quiet his mind.

He lets out a muffled moan when your tongue slowly traces up his half-hard length, swirling around his tip before your lips envelope him.

It takes a matter of seconds before he’s completely hard and aching in your mouth, and you’ve always been proud of how quickly you can get him there.

“Ohhhh, darling…” it’s not spoken so much as it’s moaned, a companion sentence to the way his hands wind into your hair and and gently urge you to take him deeper.

“Is this what you’ve been needing today?” You purr before taking him a bit deeper, and a glance up has you smiling around his cock because all he can do is nod his head vigorously and hope it gets his point across.

He goes to squeeze his thighs together against the onslaught of pleasure but your hands are quicker and you push his legs further apart, spreading him open in a way that most men would find slightly uncomfortable but that Mikael has come to love.

He adores when you take control—when you position him exactly how you want him and do what you please. He always ends up satisfied when he lets you take charge.

And he’s certainly satisfied now, even before he’s reached his peak. You can see in the way his chest heaves and his legs twitch and his toes curl while you suck him as deep as your throat can handle. His curls are a mess from thrashing about against the pillow behind his head and you can’t deny that this is your favorite version of him. Nearly completely undone because of you, disheveled and not thinking about the life he’s lost or the worries of tomorrow.

He’s truly himself like this, and you think he’s beautiful.

You crawl up and sink down on his cock right as he’s about to finish and it does him in twofold—he bucks up against you and you have to seat most of your weight on his hips to keep him from flinging you across the room with the power of his thrusts as he fills you with load after load of his thick, warm cum.

“Christ,” he pants after a long few minutes of trying to regain his breath, and you can’t help the giggle you emit when you see the blissed out grin on his face.

You lean down and press your lips firmly to his, moaning against his mouth when his hands come around you to pull you down harder on his softening cock.

“You know, the whole ‘we can’t waste a drop’ thing was truly only for before you were with child,” he teases breathlessly, and it pulls an easy laugh from you.

“Maybe I just like feeling you fill me.”

“I like feeling me fill you.” He hums as he nuzzles into your neck, so sated that he can barely keep his eyes open. You’re sure he’s falling asleep so you go to roll to his side when his hands grip your hips firmly to keep you in place.

“Can I stay… within you tonight?”

“Of course, my love.” You press another kiss to his lips as his eyes flutter shut, the day’s stress finally vanishing from his expression. Like this, nestled safely within your folds, it’s hard to imagine you vanishing while he sleeps. It’s why he can finally drift off as your fingers gently pet and play with his hair, and why he sleeps all the way through the night for the first time in a long time.

THE END

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[adoringhaikyuu]

fighting with the boys 

characters: hinata, kageyama, tanaka, tsukishima, yamaguchi

summary: how the boys would react during + after a fight with you

notes: you can request more characters if you’d like! this is my first hq writing :) tagging some blogs that inspired me to start: @kageyuji​ @seita​ @katsushimaa​ @sugawaraxo​ @shoyokuns​ @keishinslove​ @pokk1pok​ @oreosmama​ 

hinata

i literally cannot even imagine why you would get into a fight with this pure boi

but he would 100% take the blame

it would most likely be a misunderstanding or you two are joking around and he takes it too far and he’s laughing until he notices that you’re unusually quiet

so he opens his eyes and looks at you, wide-eyed, analyzing you, getting more and more concerned

“what––what’s wrong?”

and you’d just give him the silent treatment and he’d only get more worried

“y/n?...”

and he just steps closer to you and tries to catch your eye but you look down, averting your gaze every time he almost catches you

and you can’t help but drag this out a little bit because it’s a little amusing (you’ll make it up to him afterwards)

but with the way he’s literally running around you as if he’s on the court, trying to get a good look at you and figure out what’s going on, you can’t stop yourself from laughing

and he realizes you’re just teasing him and just gasps before tackling you in a hug

he tucked his head into the crook of your shoulder and your neck, burying his cheeks into your soft skin. his arms were holding you tight, pressing you into him as he swayed you side to side. “don’t do that to me, y/n. you really had me scared!” 

you laugh, your hands coming up to play with his hair the way he likes and he sighs. “i’m sorry baby you just looked really cute all worried like that. i couldn’t help but tease you.”

at that, he pulls away slightly to look at you, his eyes wide and innocent, and oh so cute. you see his eyes flicker from yours to your lips quickly. “okay then you’re forgiven.” 

you smile and he reciprocates it, his eyes focused on your lips, almost like he’s in a trance. “can i have a kiss now? really wanna kiss you.”

and how can you say no to that?

kageyama

this absolute buffoon would most definitely say something he didn’t mean to you in the spur of the moment

he’s been overworking himself of course, focusing on volleyball a little too much and he doesn’t even realize how frustrated he is

but you’re talking to him and the more and more and you speak, the more concentrated he is on his moves, he’s literally playing things out in his head, not even listening to you

just as he figures something out, you get his attention again, only annoying him further

he snaps and says something rude and you stand there in disbelief for a moment before storming off

you know he didn’t mean it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting

and this boy would freeze up and just watch you go

because he has no idea what to do

and part of him feels really bad but he knows that he just pissed you off so you probably want nothing to do with him

but after a while he goes after you

it didn’t take long for kageyama to find you. he knew you better than you knew yourself, after all. you were sitting under your favorite tree outside the gym, picking at the grass mindlessly. you noticed when he came and stood in front of you, but you didn’t dare to look up.

he sighed after a moment and sat down next you. he waits for a moment before handing you your favorite drink. his eyes were practically piercing your face as he analyzed you, trying to gage your response. you looked up at his hand after a few seconds, biting your lip before deciding to take the drink. it was your favorite after all. 

he physically deflates for a second in relief once you take the drink from him but then sits up properly again, taking a sip from his milk as he gathers the courage to say something. he places the carton down next to him and scoots a little closer to you. “i––i’m sorry y/n. i––it was rude of me to act like that. i didn’t realize how frustrated i was and i just...i shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.”

you pause for a moment, swallowing before setting your drink aside and looking up at him hesitantly. his blue eyes are watching you like a hawk but you can tell that he’s genuinely sorry, not only because of his apology but because of the way he’s looking at you, like he’s afraid to do something wrong again.

you give him a small smile and reach for his hand which he eagerly gives to you, gaze still stuck on you. “you’re right, you shouldn’t have. but i forgive you tobio. but we need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself, okay? i don’t like seeing you so stressed.”

he just nods after every word, anxious to make things right, to not disappoint you. “of course. anything.”

you place a hand on his cheek and kiss him softly and you can tell as your lips connect and move in synchronization that you’re both so grateful for each other and glad that you’ve settled this fight.

tanaka

so tanaka absolutely adores you

like he’d do anything for you

but sometimes he just didn’t do his best at his games, 

he felt like everything was going wrong and he couldn’t help but let the frustrations get to him

so instead of being his cuddly and affectionate self with you like he normally is after games, he’s agitated and visibly frustrated

you can practically see the tension around his body

this leads to him shouting unintentionally and the two of you getting into a very unnecessary fight

there’s a lot of random childish things being yelled between the two of you, your voices loud and overlapping until you both just pause and the silence is overwhelmingly loud

he’s basically panting, looking at you with a fierce look in his eyes 

and soon you scoff in disbelief at the ridiculousness of the situation and turn around to try and leave, deciding you both need to cool off 

and that’s when he snaps out of it

you really think he’s going to let you get away? absolutely not

he needs to make up for it immediately

you gasped as tanaka grabbed your arm and yanked you back to face him. before you could protest, he pulled you into his embrace, making you huff. yeah, he felt warm (and a little sweaty) but you were still upset. 

your face was smushed into his chest as he wrapped his arms around you, his limbs tightening like a vice. his cheek was pressed against your head, almost as if he were stuck to you. 

“baby i’m so sorry!” ever so dramatic, he starts yelling as if he’s proclaiming his love to you. “i was just so frustrated but i never meant to take it out on you babygirl, i didn’t mean it! please forgive me!” 

slowly, your arms go up and hold him back and you could feel and hear him release a breath of relief. “alright, you idiot. i forgive you.” 

“thank you darling.” he mumbles against you, still not letting you go, even holding you tighter. “can we go cuddle now?” 

tsukki

tsukishima can be very ruthless and very blunt

even with you, unfortunately

and while sometimes you love that about him, especially when he tells people off (it’s kinda hot, okay.)

sometimes you really hate it 

he’d say something really out of pocket

but the thing is, he doesn’t even realize, he just thinks he’s being honest

(which doesn’t help his case, but––)

you’d just pause and look at him, letting out a small whisper of his name

and he’s not even looking at you, so he doesn’t realize you’re upset

he just shrugs, a smirk on his face

“what? it’s true.” 

and when you don’t reply with a snarky comeback (like he loves), he looks up at you and his brows furrow when he notices your eyes watering

you just close your mouth and sit there, eyes focused on the floor in front of you as you cross your arms, too hurt to even move

and he pauses as well, in shock because it was absolutely not his intention to make you feel bad

but he soon clears his throat and apologizes

“i––i’m sorry y/n.” he’d step closer to you and when you don’t move away, he closes the distance, looking down at you in concern. “i didn’t mean to hurt you. i was just––joking around.” 

you’d still be looking down, swallowing harshly when he places a gentle large hand on your cheek, wiping your tears and lifting your head up softly. “look at me please?” 

you look up and bite your lip nervously, feeling exposed. he debates with himself for a bit and you can physically see him contemplating in his head. about what? you have no idea. but then it all clicks when he leans down and plants a lingering kiss on your forehead. you know he’s not an affectionate person easily, especially when there’s tension between the two of you so it brings a small smile to your face. 

you look into his eyes and you can see the concern and the love for you in them. “i truly am sorry.”

you smile up at him before pulling him in for a hug. he wraps his arms around you immediately and all the tension leaves his body. “it’s okay tsukki.” 

he holds you tight and leaves a kiss on your forehead again. “love you pretty girl.”

yamaguchi

so let’s say this were to happen while he was trying to learn how to perfect the jump float serve

he would be spending so much time focusing on perfecting his technique, that he lost track of time

which unfortunately meant that he forgot that he promised to have a movie night with you while your parents were out of town for the weekend

now when tadashi trains, he takes it very seriously, not stopping until his limbs hurt and until he’s too tired to move

which means that he also did not check his phone

so when he finally finished after hours of practice and checked his phone, seeing all the messages from you, his heart sank

his eyes widened and his breath hitched 

he could feel the tears rising up, blurring his vision

he felt terrible

he knew he absolutely had to make it up to you

he stopped by the store and picked up all of your favorite snacks and then by your favorite takeout place and made his way over to your place

now you knew he most likely didn’t mean to skip your date, he would never do that to you, he was too sweet

but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt when he didn’t show up after hours of you waiting for him

so when you saw his frantic messages of him apologizing and explaining everything, you weren’t too surprised, but still a little sad

when he rang the doorbell about forty-five minutes later, you let him in and stepped aside, your eyes not looking up at him

he pouted but thanked you and stepped inside 

it was then that you noticed the things in his hands

“princess i’m so sorry.” his voice was trembling and when you looked up, you could see the redness in his eyes, the flush in his cheeks. he was really worked up over this. “i lost track of time and i––i hadn’t checked my phone because i was practicing i didn’t mean to ditch you––”

you stepped closer to him and took the things out of his hands, placing them on the counter before putting your hands on his cheeks and looking into his eyes. his eyes were wide as he looked at you, an undeniably guilty look in them. 

“it’s okay tadashi. i knew you didn’t mean to.” you gave him a kiss to stop his rambling and he sighed, almost as if he felt he didn’t deserve it, but you deepened it, pulling him closer. you pulled away and looked up at him pointedly. “i forgive you, okay?” you look over to the bags he brought. “plus how can i not when you spoil me like this?”

his cheeks get even more pink as he laughs nervously. “it’s only what you deserve.”