beaft · 6 months ago
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bitchy post alert, but "asexual people can still have sex!" is one of those phrases that's like "you can wear makeup every day and still be a feminist!" in that yes, it is technically correct, but i don't understand why it needs to be emphasised so strongly and so often as if it's some sort of praxis
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bloggingboutburgers · 1 month ago
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cw: discussions of bullying and aphobia
Hearing aroace peoples' existential crises over their friends discussing crushes, as someone who was socially isolated and severly bullied for their whole childhood and most of their adolescence so had NO friendgroup until adulthood and NO community or inclusion in literally anything (and when it came to sex and romance the other kids explicitly considered my potential involvement in either to be impossible / laughible because of how "weird" they found me (my autistic traits before I even realised I'm autistic)), felt like starving while listening to someone else complain about the food they're actively eating.
Food intolerances and dislike of different foods (as metaphor for being aro/ace) ARE important and difficult to grapple with when you're expected to eat specific foods in specific proportions at different times - but man did it sting until I realised why I felt that way and gave myself a talking to since my trauma doesn't justify belittling the very real struggles of aroace people.
I guess since the choice between 'stay alone or conform' was never really a choice because I was rejected no matter how cis straight or allo I was it taught me to go "fuck it" and accept myself regardless of what other people do or say (which ironically has lead to me becoming dramatically popular all of a sudden at uni, which has been weird to get used to since I have literally no experience with any of this - platonic or otherwise - which did lead to some advantage being taken of me but f*ck it we ball ^^'). And I guess it's just been difficult understanding why anyone would care so much about whether they're "normal" or not? You really have nothing to gain from that, safety is not guaranteed in conformity so best to live aroace and damn all aphobes to hell if they have a problem with that.
It's a mindset I'll never understand and that's only ok now insofar as that lack of understanding no longer results in misplaced anger at people who, for a time, I had once considered spoilt, ungrateful and out of touch. Basically, I'm full of sh*t and to every aroace person reading this you deserve good friends that actually respect you for who you are and do not even TRY to get you to change your mind about sex or romance. Have a lovely day x
Sincerely,
An aggressive emotional support anon
I'm genuinely sorry for all the hardships you went through. I don't mean to equate at all, truthfully from reading you and considering I WAS asked some of those questions as a kid regardless (the "who's your crush" bullshit and whatnot), it definitely sounds like I had it less hard than you did, but... I was bullied in elementary school and middle school, also not necessarily because I was aroace (I don't know why it happened really, I don't know if anyone ever knows, I boil it down to... me being me and there being something fundamentally wrong with me ig), and I definitely also get some of those feelings of "oh boo hoo you call that struggle" boiling in me when people discuss their own past struggles sometimes, so... Yeah, every one person's experience is unique, but I can at the very least very much sympathize.
I think a way it manifests in me is that I now have that compulsive, debilitating fear of being "othered" in any way, shape, or form, so I guess being aroace doesn't help my case. But at the same time... Well, like you brilliantly put it, when you're in a situation like that, no matter what you do, you won't be accepted anyway, and having that knowledge back then is probably also what lead me to figure myself out as aroace so early in life. Because I was treated as this much of an outsider, I ironically had that much room in my own head to form my own identity, far apart from others and the need to conform. Yeah, that identity may include a "piece of shit that doesn't deserve to be supported of part of a group" side that's been forced in, buried deep down and can't be erased, but... It also includes asexual and aromantic, and it's been cemented so hard from so early with such self-affirmation that later down the line, it saved me from a lot of stuff. I never had to force myself into a romantic or sexual relationship because I was undoubtably aroace – and people saw me as an outsider and an eyesore anyway. I spent years of being scared to go to school or out in the street every day, but later down the line, somehow, I feel it saved me from doing so many things I wouldn't have wanted to do.
...Bleh, sorry, didn't mean to turn this into me-me-me crap when you had the courage and sincerity of not only showing your experience, but finding the strength to show more love, understanding and support than a lot of people probably cared to give you for so long, despite all the pain you felt for so long. I guess I just wanna say... This take is definitely inspiring, so thank you on behalf of myself and others I'm sure, but also... I hope that, for yourself, you're also managing to own what you lived through in a way that allowed you to affirm yourself more strongly (it sounds like you are, I hope it IS the case), and most importantly, I hope you're in a much better place in your life now and you'll never have to return to that level of loneliness again.
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lumine-no-hikari · 10 months ago
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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #29
A very weird thing happened today. It looks like, in an effort to make me feel small, worthless, and stupid, some random person on the internet decided to make a mock summary of one of the letters I wrote to you. Behold the nonsense:
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Clearly, this person did not actually read what I had written, because the point of the letter that I found this comment in was to model things like "allowing oneself to rest", "strategies for emotional control even when you're tired and full of despair", and "remembering that there is still goodness in this world and people in it who can love you". I don't think I've ever indicated in any of the letters that I've written that I wish for any type of committed romantic or sexual relationship with you at any point, ever.
But, let me, for the sake of integrity, write the following so as to make my intentions perfectly clear: no, I do not want any kind of romantic or sexual relationship with you. There are numerous reasons for this:
First, you are a fictional character in a fictional world. This, by itself, presents a wide variety of insurmountable logistical issues that would make marriage impossible. When you add in our relative ability levels (you are a well-trained superhuman combat veteran, whereas I am a weak, noodley derpasaurus rex in a human suit, with all the grace and coordination of a drunken baboon), the resulting power dynamic would be problematic at best.
Second: it has been indicated on multiple occasions that you have zero interest in romance or sex; for all intents and purposes, you have been defined as aromantic and asexual; why, then, would I ever even entertain the thought of marrying you, knowing that such a thing would be in direct violation of your wishes and needs?
Third: even if the first two points were moot, the fact still remains that you lack many of the necessary skills for the maintenance of a healthy romantic or sexual relationship, and that does not work for me. A healthy relationship requires all involved parties to be attuned with their own emotions, able to responsibly tend to their basic needs (food, water, sleep, at very least), able to assertively communicate their wants and needs, and able to prioritize their wellbeing in a general sense, at very minimum. The version of you that I've seen in the media provided to us does none of those things. Rather:
Instead of dealing with your emotions honestly and constructively, you isolate yourself (in the Shinra Data Room, or in the Shinra Manor Library) until you've stuffed them down far enough that you can maybe sort of almost convince yourself that you can kind-of-sort-of function (this is NOT the "winning coping skill" that so many people in my world seem to think it is!!). Given what happened at Nibelheim, I think we can both agree that it is a serious understatement to say that you habitually deny your emotions both to others and to yourself, only to have the resulting exhaustion and resentment come out in destructive ways later.
You prioritize others even at the expense of yourself, as seen when you took watch on the first night at Nibelheim, despite your exhaustion. You do not tend your own bodily needs reliably; even before your weeklong bout of hyperfocus in that damnable library (in which you did not eat, sleep, or hydrate at all, if accounts that you never left the room are to be believed), it was indicated that you had been losing weight from not eating properly shortly after Genesis and Angeal deserted.
You do not communicate your wants and needs with assertiveness or integrity; clearly you were struggling with the death of Angeal and all the nasty things that Genesis said to you, but you did not once ask for any kind of help from Zack, despite the fact that he had demonstrated himself time and time again to be safe, supportive, and reliable. You are still human despite the modifications made to you, but you are still far too hard on yourself and you don't allow yourself to make any mistakes. Did you even let yourself take time off after Angeal's death? Given the way you treat yourself, I gotta wonder.
To be sure, the old version of me used to struggle mightily with all of these. I still sometimes do; codependent tendencies borne from trauma and used as survival techniques are a bitch to root out of a person's psyche. But I'm putting in the work every single day to learn new skills and to manage these things, because the people who love me are counting on me to be safe to myself and to them. As far as I know, you have not put any work into this yet, and I don't foresee that you will be able to work on these things until much later in your journey, after some modicum of peace in your world is achieved.
And I am a demiromantic and demisexual. Things like fame, status, income, titles, accolades, physical appearance, fitness, intelligence, and all the other arbitrary bullshit that people judge each other for, day in and day out… none of that matters one bit to me. I look at a person's innermost nature. I am piqued by kindness and gentleness of character, but these alone still won't do it for me. If I move forward with any type of committed lifepartnership with anyone, I and the other person have to know each other well and have a strong emotional bond, I have to be able to trust them without question or hesitation, and I have to feel safe with them at all times. It's a high bar (I've been through A LOT, so I'm not ashamed, and I expect myself to meet these same conditions), but these requirements are non-negotiable for anyone - not even you.
You do have an abundance of kindness and gentleness, and I know a lot about you and the things you've done, but I do not know you. Given your track record, I would not be able to trust that you are being honest and assertive with me about your thoughts, emotions, wishes, and needs. And given your lack of self-attunement when it comes to your needs and emotions, the fact that you prioritize your self-care behind literally anything else, and the fact that you clearly struggle to control yourself when you are having big feelings, I would not at all feel safe with you in a lifepartnership type of context.
I love you to death. Truly, I could eat you right up. I love when you smile and laugh. I'd give you as many (or as few) hugs as you want. I'd hold your hand while walking, if you wished. I'll offer you as many kind and encouraging words as I have. I'd like to bring you to nifty places and feed you tasty things and show you all the stories I love and teach you all the things I've learned while living. I'd like to hear you sing something, or watch you play a video game, or watch you do anything that you love to do. But none of this translates to sexual or romantic feelings for you, in any way, shape, or form; everything I've described is just normal friend things; these are all things that I do fairly regularly with all of the people in my social group.
And it saddens me to think that this person who tried (and failed) to make me feel small might have read all the kind and encouraging things that I wrote to you while believing that saying kind and encouraging things is something that should be done only with a potential marriage candidate; what a very narrow definition of care that this person must have to live with. It also saddens me to think that this person's first instinct at seeing someone write about something close to their heart is to mock it; I wonder from where this person has received similar treatment in the past for expressing positive things about something they love. I truly hope everything is okay at home for them. I'll wish for peace, healing, safety, and joy upon them.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how people treat me. I'm still going to choose kindness no matter what nonsense gets thrown at me. I'm still going to write to you. I'm still going to model healthy(ish?) ways of coping with one's darker emotions. I'm still going to model what it means to change internal narratives and beliefs. I'm still going to model taking proper care of oneself, even when one doesn't feel like it. I'm still going to write about reframing events in my life into something positive when I can, and working through the negative emotions with help when I cannot. I'm still going to write about my journey towards becoming a healed person even after the absolute shitshow that was my childhood. And I'm still going to make beautiful things and do beautiful things and speak and write and act upon beautiful things in your name. I cannot be stopped. The light and beauty that pours from my soul is an inevitability, just like it is with every other human who lives in my world.
If they want to get me to shut up about it, they're going to have to kill me, and if they're that desperate to get me to shut up that they'd make an attempt, in the end they'd still be doing me a goddamn favor (I never asked to live through horror on a dying planet in a defective meat-suit; what the fuck even is this?), so the joke's on them either way.
I am fucking unbreakable. And that's thanks to you. And it's thanks to all the other people in my world who love me, too. There are lots of things in this world that conspire to give me unimaginable courage and amazing capacity to express love at other people, and I'm sure as hell not going to squander any opportunity I have to make the best use I can of these gifts I've been given.
May you stop for a moment to consider all of the things that make you unbreakable, all of the curses that befell you, all of the love you've been given, all the amazing things you can do, and all of the people who will have your back along the way if you'll let them. May these things inspire sufficient courage within you to make loving and wholesome choices, even when making such choices might cause you to get hurt.
As long as there is breath left in my body, I will continue write to you. It's a promise. Count on it.
Your friend, Lumine
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daintydoie · 2 years ago
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living double lives
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pairing: mark lee × lee haechan/donghyuck (markhyuck/mahae)
wc: 9.7k || oneshot
tags: alternate universe - college/university, strangers to lovers, asexual! haechan, fluff and angst, nct dream ensemble, two bros homoerotically playing basketball
language: english
excerpt
“What happened to you?” Renjun looks at Donghyuck’s weary expression. “Chenle kept beating me last night.” He replies while chuckling, he can’t let Renjun know the real reason. “Slept at two again. At this point, these eye bags are a part of me.”
The two see Jaemin approaching them. “Have you guys heard?”
“Heard what?” Renjun asks. “Mark’s older brother is throwing a party tonight.”
“Who?” Donghyuck tilts his head, he can’t tell if he’s never heard that name before or he’s just sleep deprived. “There’s someone named Mark in this class?” “Yes, Mark Lee. As in the one in the dean’s list. His older brother is a senior and he’s throwing a party at their house, are you guys going?”
Donghyuck is hesitant. Although he’s incredibly loud and sociable, big parties aren’t really his thing. Too many people to socialise with, it’ll just drain him. But gaming might not make him feel better considering he was doing it last night when his mom yelled at him. Perhaps he’ll need something stronger, something that will make him feel alive and forget all his problems.
“...Will there be alcohol?” “Of course there’s alcohol, Haechan.” “Then I’m in.”
The three of them get into Jaemin’s car and drive to the venue. They arrived and walked to the front door, which the host’s little brother answered. Mark was dressed in a light blue denim jacket with a striped shirt and black jeans, and politely welcomed them to the party. “It’s kinda loud here so if it gets too overwhelming, you guys can go outside.” Mark tells them while covering his ears. Donghyuck giggled at him. “Out of all of us, I think it’s you who needs to go outside the most.” After greeting each other, Mark goes to their front yard while Jaemin and Donghyuck search for the alcohol, Renjun trailing behind them.
More and more people arrive at the party, and the house becomes incredibly packed. Donghyuck stands by the fridge pouring soju into his cup when Renjun sits on the counter next to him. “See anyone you like?” Renjun gets the soju from him and pours some into his own cup. Donghyuck downs his drink. “Why? What would I do if I did?” “This house has a lot of spare rooms, I bet people are already in them.” Donghyuck punches Renjun’s shoulder while making a disgusted expression. “In someone else’s house?! Isn’t that kinda weird?” “People do it regardless.”
Donghyuck shudders at that thought. “I already told you, I’m not into that kind of stuff.” He takes the soju bottle back. “I’m here for this, and this alone.”
“What about Mark?” “...What do you mean?” “Were you flirting with him earlier?” “Flirting? I just said one thing and he laughed. You see, I’m just a naturally funny person. It’s not because I’m interested in him or in anybody.” He opens the fridge again to grab another bottle. “Who’s got time for that anyway?”
“A lot of people do, Haechan. But I understand that it's not your thing.” Renjun downs his drink and gets down from the counter. “I’ll go and make sure Jaemin isn’t making a fool of himself.”
Donghyuck always knew that he was like this since high school, he never understood the appeal of one night stands, hookups, or sex in general. Not that he’s shaming others for doing so, but it’s not something that appeals to him. He’s accepted that part of himself, but there’s still this feeling that he’s missing out somehow. Most, if not all, of his friends have had their first kisses and partners throughout college. He thinks about it often, but alas, no one has piqued his interest yet.
Once he loses sight of Renjun, a feeling of emptiness starts to settle in. The house may be full of people, but to Donghyuck, they were all faceless figures. Even if he has his friends, the feeling is still there. He could laugh so hard that day, and come back home with that same emptiness. He doesn’t understand it either. Is there something wrong with him? Is that why he’s not growing up like the rest of his friends? Is that why his mom berated him last night? Maybe there is something wrong with him, but what is it? How can he fix that? Or is it too late to do that?
“No. I shouldn’t be like this. Not here. Not when there’s so many people.” He thought to himself. The alcohol isn’t hitting him yet. He grabs another soju from the fridge, opens it, and drinks it straight from the bottle. I’m sure the host won’t mind if he takes it home. If alcohol can numb the emptiness in his heart just for tonight, then it’s better than feeling anything else. After a few minutes, it started to settle in. Donghyuck could barely hear the blasting music or even stand straight. He takes one last bottle from the fridge and clumsily moves past everyone. He goes out past the front yard and starts walking with no destination in mind. He keeps going, occasionally having to hold onto the street lamps to regain his balance. He just giggles to himself, he’s so drunk out of his senses that he doesn’t realise someone has been following him this whole time.
He turns back to see someone in a striped shirt frantically pacing after him. He seems to be yelling something, but Donghyuck couldn’t read his lips. “Oh Mark!” He recognises him in his drunken state. “What are you doing here? Actually I wanna ask you something! Who the hell is dean and why are you trying so hard to be on their list?!” While Donghyuck laughs at his lame joke, Mark keeps calling out to him, but he doesn’t hear. “I can’t hear you! It’s pointless Mark, just go back to the party! I’ll be okay!” It doesn’t take long for his vision to suddenly black out, and he feels his body hit the cold pavement.
continue reading!
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goldenheartstudios · 2 years ago
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I wanna talk about Bart's sexuality in the comics
  Disclaimer 1: Just the good ol’ reminder that this is based on an opinion and shouldn’t be taken as a fact. This post is an analysis/interpretation/reinterpretation based on a headcanon, so I don’t want to pretend that this is the only right way to see the character or the story, because that’s not the case at all
  Disclaimer 2: This post is long because I like to explain and go into details about things. You’ve been warned
  With that out of the way, I can now give some actual context
  You see, I said this in a post once, but my way of headcanoning something is by building from canon, without necessarily contradicting what we’ve seen or know. But there is a kind of exception of that
  Which is me headcanoning some of my favorite characters as aroace. Why, do you ask? Because I’m myself aroace, simple as that
  And well, Bart is not only a favorite character, he’s one of my comfort characters. He’s quite a blorbo, if you will
  But, as I’ve read through many of his comic appearances, I noticed that this headcanon fits actually quite well with his behavior and things we’ve seen (so far), so i decided that a discussion on how Bart would be aroace could be a fun thing to do
  Without further ado, I guess I can start!
  First thing first, if there are people who don’t know what aroace is, I’ll give a simple explanation:
  Aroace is being aromantic asexual. Aromantic means having little to no romantic attraction, and asexual means having little to no sexual attraction. Simple, right?
  There are some more factors about it, like the person’s attitude towards romance/sex and how there are different ways to be aromantic or asexual, but I’ll not delve into that because otherwise this post would get too long. There are however some quick videos I recommend to watch if you want to have a bigger understanding on those orientations (and this youtuber is pretty cool too):
  For aromantic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u50eURBqG-k
  For asexual: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM-nKODEL_
  In the course of many comics, Bart showed a lack of interest in the two, especially at the beginning. This was tried to be explained with his fast aging situation, that his lack of emotional maturity meant for him to not be ready to have romantic feelings
  But it doesn’t quite make sense because here’s the thing:
  Children are fully capable of developing crushes
  Ever since primary school you can see kids giving love letters and choosing to hang out with someone because they have a crush on them. It’s true, at that age they don’t understand the concept of romance that well, but they can feel attraction towards someone. The amount of videos you can find of people talking about their childhood crushes are a pretty good proof of this, along with personal observation
  There are many opinions and interpretations on when can someone fall in love, but a general agreement is that emotions develop far sooner than cognition or other elements, and the problem that rises is how you should deal with emotions rather than you growing to have them
  Another thing is that body wise, Bart has the body of a teen. Beginning of the teen stage, to be exact, which is the time when hormones kick in
  And hormones are the thing that greatly influence a person’s love life, which is the reason why the majority of people start falling in love around that time, but Bart didn’t, because he frankly did not care
  And the few times he showed that he did can be interpreted as not actual romantic (or sexual) attraction, which is what I’m gonna delve into
  But before I do that, I need to address the elephant in the room, that being Flash: The Fastest Man Alive comic
  Which I have to say from the get go that I will not talk about it in this post because it’s not just an elephant, it’s a freaking dinosaur full of bad choices made by people from the DC team. I do have interpretations for the relationship from that series, but I can’t share those interpretations without addressing some things about the comic and stating my opinions, which… they’re not really positive. So, I will share them only if there are people interested in me talking about it or if someone’s trying to diss this headcanon by shoving this comic in my face like a sore thumb
  But I’m letting you all know that I’m aware of this comic’s existence, and still consider Bart as aroace with that series in mind. Cool? Cool
  Also, if there’s something that I missed by either forgetting or not knowing about it, do let me know! There are a lot of comics made throughout the years after all
  Anyway, let’s begin with the first relationship: Bart & Carol
  Which is actually one of the reasons why it would make sense for him to be aroace, since their relationship seems to be more like queerplatonic than a romantic relationship, at least on Bart’s side
  What is queerplatonic, you may wonder? To put it simply, it’s a relationship that doesn’t fall into a normal friendship, nor into a typical romance. It can have romantic elements, but overall it’s not read as a romantic relationship
  Here’s a 10 minutes video that goes into details about it if you want more clarification: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIMAca8iWoc
  And frankly, this is how they acted with each other. Or how Bart acted towards Carol at least
  In Impulse #20, there was someone else who implied that Carol had a crush on Bart, and when she kissed him, they both laughed it off and settled on being friends
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  Now, I can’t fully say that Carol didn’t show any sign of crush at that time, but it’s safe to say that the speedster didn’t. Heck, there was a moment when she stood still and did the classic “falling in love realization stare” thing, and all Bart was thinking at that moment was flying birds because he was just hit with a ball in the eye
  Ah, I love this kid
  From that point, their relationship was not challenged until Carol got a toxic boyfriend. At that time, Bart showed displeasure not because he was jealous, but because Carol didn’t deserve to have such a bad boyfriend (which is clearly shown in Impulse #70). It came from genuine worry towards his bestie, and that worry got assumed to be romantic by the others, not him
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  And only after that he started to think of them being together, which left him mostly confused
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  And Carol was the one who initiated the relationship, while Bart was still uncertain about what he’s feeling
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  This whole situation is interesting, because throughout the comic, Bart shows to understand the concept of love. What he’s showing is not really romance, more like confusion caused by having feelings that were not only friendship, and he takes it as romance when he’s pressed on by the others and told that this is what he’s feeling, which it’s developed from issue 71 to issue 75
  This pressure of being in a romantic relationship and not only friendship can be interpreted as amatonormativity. What is amatonormativity, you may ask? Well, it is described as such:
“Amatonormativity is a word coined to describe the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship.”  
Here’s a 14 minutes video that goes more into details about this concept: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYgniujXJNE
  But basically, because of the belief that everyone is seeking romantic relationships, some people have the tendency to consider that a feeling other than typical friendship has to be romance, and when you’re not familiar with other kinds of attractions like queerplatonic, aesthetic etc. or you’re not familiar on the concept of lacking romance/sexual attraction, you will fall to believe that what others are saying about yourself is true
  And this comes from personal experience. I’ve never sought a romantic relationship with someone, and when I was getting along with someone (or I was friends with a person of the opposite gender), the others around me told me that I had a crush on that person and even pressured on it. I didn't think it was true at first, because I just really liked hanging out with that person, I just liked being good friends and getting along well. But because what I was feeling was a little different than normal friendship, and I didn’t know about queerplatonic being a thing, I fell to believe that what I had were romantic feelings because that’s what I’ve been told from others, in a society where being in a romantic relationship was the norm
  So that’s why I think that Bart’s feelings were not romantic, because his behavior didn’t follow the romantic norms (even though he understands what romance is), and he believed that his feelings towards Carol were romance after he was told and pressured by others
  And his attitude after Carol leaving is interesting as well. In Impulse #78, he shrugged off the fact that they kissed and focused more on the fact that he misses her. Actually, from Bart’s side, there was little to no importance put on the fact that they were a couple in the time Carol left in a future timeline, and his sadness came from the fact that she wasn’t around him anymore
  And in Impulse #89, when Carol settled up on being friends, he was basically unphased by it. He was more that happy on being friends and he was just glad that she was back
  So, this can be interpreted as aromantic behavior, with Bart having an indifferent attitude towards romance
  Don’t get me wrong, I love Bart and Carol’s relationship, and it’s one of the healthiest and cutest relationships I’ve read in superhero comics. But you can’t deny that the way it formed and it was presented doesn’t quite fit with being a romantic one. At least, romantic from both sides
  I also have to make note on the fact that White Lightning, a character who has the ability to make men fall in love with her and follow her orders, admitted herself that her powers never worked on Bart
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  This was in issue 76, when she tried to get away with a theft, and after she pulled out her charm powers Bart was quick to snap out of it (which it also happened in issue 80, thus showing consistency)
  So basically, from his main comic series I can easily interpret Bart as aroace, but what about the other comics? Well, in Young Justice from 1998, he showed no attraction towards anyone, so that one’s easy to interpret. It also has one of his most aroace moments ever:
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  This comic is a treasure
  Actually, a lot of comics don’t have him showing attraction, which makes my analysis job way easier
  But, another notable comic that showed the potential of him having romantic feelings was Teen Titans from 2003, which this is where I’m gonna continue with my interpretation
  Okay, to start with a quick one: In issue number 2, when Bart told Cassie that she’s the one who made him like girls, the only possible explanation is that she’s the one who made him admire girls, especially since he then said that she’s Wonder Girl, which he also said those things to convince Cassie on not leaving the team
  Because otherwise, it wouldn’t make sense at all if it was supposed to mean that she’s the one who made him love girls. Because:
1. He didn’t show any romantic feelings towards Cassie in Young Justice 1998
2. He didn’t show any feelings that may be considered as romantic until his relationship with Carol was questioned
3. If he had a crush on Cassie after the events from Young Justice 1998 out of screen, the statement would still not make any sense because it would have been after Carol and Bart were a thing, so Cassie wouldn’t be the one who made him love girls
  If the writers tried to make any romantic implications there, they totally failed because of Carol’s existence from the Impulse comics. Because even if I interpret Bart’s feelings towards Carol as not being romantic, Bart himself is not aware of the possibility of being aroace, nor is aware of the possibility of his lack of romantic/sexual attraction. Because this is something that you can’t easily learn from reading books in early 2000s
  And now we’re going with the second relationship: Bart & Rose
  Which this one’s fairly easy because of how little it was shown/developed
  From Rose’s side, the only sign of attraction was in issue 11, where she admitted that Robin is not as cute as Kid Flash, aka Bart
  And from Bart’s side, the only sign of attraction was this from issue 12:
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  Which is vague as hell
  Okay, let’s first go to the moment they initially met for a second, which was in The New Titans 1988. In issue 126, Bart asked for advice on how he can get Rose to talk to him, since at that time she had… some issues with communication, to say the least. When it was questioned if he had a crush on her, he rejected the idea and said that he doesn’t know what he’s feeling
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  From the way he talks about her, it looks more like he has that kind of interest, or “zoning out”, that some people have over someone they feel compatible with, without necessarily having romantic feelings towards them (which honestly, I recognize this behavior from personal experience)
  It makes sense for him to want to get along with her and be friends, since compared with the other team members from that time, I would say that she would have been one of the closest to his age, and it’s easier to communicate and be good friends to people around your age. But I have to admit, this is more of a guess because the comics are very bad to keep up with the characters’ age continuity and in The New Titans almost everyone is drawn to look like a big or small adult anatomy wise, so it doesn’t help with figuring it out
  And after one failed attempt of him trying to talk with Rose, the comic didn’t focus on this dynamic anymore
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  There was afterwards a comment from Tara that implied he had a crush at that moment. Once again, the romance implication came from someone else, and Tara only has the perspective of an outsider. Also let’s be fair, her attitude on romance is not… quite typical to say the least, or at least from what I’ve seen, so I wouldn’t take her opinion on someone else’s feelings as a fact
  And the things the comic presented are not strong enough evidence on the possibility of romance because it shouldn’t have been this… vague, or it should have been shown more than one single instance in this comic series (and believe me, DC is more than capable of showing more romantic moments between characters in order to ship them), but that’s just it. Plus, it makes more sense that in this instance the thing he wanted to suggest was for them to just hang out and listen to her, because he was following the advice he was given
  So basically, this subplot ended with Bart trying to befriend Rose, but he failed and it didn’t go anywhere
  And now, we get back to the moment from Teen Titans issue 12, which shows his current opinion on her
  The way he talks about her can be considered as more of an admiration than crush, plus genuine worry for turning into something unrecognizable to him. The term “kinda” also shows uncertainty in his emotions
  And in this comic (Teen Titans 2003), aside from these two instances from #11 and #12, it wasn’t shown anything between them until issue 18, where their versions from an alternate future were in an established relationship
  Which it can be interpreted as anything, because the only thing we know is that they were together. We don’t know how they became a thing, when they became a thing, and we don’t know the full nature of their relationship. We just know that they’re a thing, which is not even something certain for them, as we were told in issue 19:
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  And after that, you know what came out of their relationship?
  Nothing
  It didn’t go anywhere
  The writers dropped that subplot as fast as they brought it up, and these two never developed into something more than friends
  After that, there are only two other notable instances that never got anywhere
  In issue 83, Bart made a one-time comment to Aqua Girl that he’s complicated but 100% available, which it was quickly brushed off and never brought up again, so there’s no point in interpreting that really
  And in issue 93, he showed an interest in a new girl named Kiran, of which Rose was the one who took it as a crush and nudged him to help the girl in order to impress her. And after that moment of Bart being excited about doing something for Kiran, this whole thing was brushed off and never brought up again. Like… that whole situation is strange because you can’t really take it as a romance, more like an admiration which was considered to be a romance
  The Teen Titans comic leaves me intrigued, because I’m left with the feeling that the writers wanted for Bart to be with someone, but it never got anywhere because they realized that it doesn’t work with his character, so anything they tried got quickly thrown away
  And in the current comics, after Bart came back from the Speed Force as Impulse again, he showed even less romantic interest than he did in the past. He actually didn’t show any attraction at all, with one exception that was made aware to be out of character in the comic itself
  That exception is from… Young Justice Dark Crisis, which I’m gonna try to do a brief description for context:  
Tim, Kon and Bart were trapped by a stereotypical gen Z fanboy in a version from their past as Young Justice, but that past was filled with all inaccuracies like homophobia, sexism, and more stereotypes (and the world being off was constantly questioned by Bart himself). That world also influenced them at some level, which led to Bart making an out of character comment about fake-Cassie fighting a woman with huge boobs up in the air in issue number 2
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  This was explicitly made to be inaccurate to his character and to show more of the fact that this world is off. The only one who didn’t see it as something wrong (even though he showed at first a reaction of confusion), was Kon, which I would argue that this is out of character for Kon as well
  That whole comic is a big whole mess for different reasons not related with this post, but from that I can at least have more evidence on Bart being aroace. Yay, I guess?
  And with that, we reach the present of this post. Now the question is, do I think that the writers intended for him to be aroace? Not in the slightest
  Do I think that he’ll get into a romantic relationship in the future? Kind of, because the comic industry finds it popular to put their characters in couples
  But I have to make something clear: it is possible to be aroace and have a romantic or sexual relationship with someone, because there are many kinds of identities in the aromantic and asexual concepts. To put it in a different perspective, the terms aromantic and asexual are relatively as specific as the term homosexual
  This post is one interpretation based on one kind of being aroace that fits with the behavior Bart presented in the comics, and you can have your own interpretation that’s different from this one. Heck, you can even have your own different headcanon of his orientation, the limit is your imagination! If you want him, or any other character, to have an orientation similar to yours, you can fully go for it
  All I did was to use the canon to fit with my headcanon, but you’re not obligated to fully follow the canon. After all, if there are writers within the DC team that disregard things from the canon and change the characters in ways that don’t fit them at all without any reason whatsoever, what’s stopping you from doing your own thing for personal entertainment?
  As a final note, I’m gonna say this:
  Since Bart was in the DC Pride: Tim Drake Special comic, the only logical conclusion is that he’s also LGBT, and this applies to every other character presented in the comic/hj
  Have fun with that!
16 notes · View notes
thedamageofherdays · 3 years ago
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This week's (16-08-2021 - 22-08-2021) reading log is here. This week's reading log is super duper long and filled with lots of good things (my apologies for the long post, I really could not find a good spot to do a read more). I discovered some new favourites and re-read some old favourites and while I had an intense week personally at least the fics I read were absolutely phenomenal. I do recommend checking out the warnings as some fics are a bit heavier/angstier and you might wanna be prepared. Most of these fics are Stucky but there are a couple of other ships in between.
If you are looking for more fun and/or good things make sure to check out the @marveldisabilitycelebration as well to see all the awesome art, fics, meta, etcetera people created! And while I am mentioning events I am a mod for let me also just quickly mention that sign-ups for the @stuckygiftexchange are still open until the end of the month <3
Favourites are marked with a 🌻 Fics that are only available to AO3 users are marked with a 🔒 and Tumblr fics are marked with a 🍀
🌻 The Bends by dreamsinthewitchouse @dreamsinthewitchouse [Danbeau, side Stucky, 2k words, Teen]
Memory is not a house you can just walk back into after finding the key you thought you’d lost. It’s a thing you wade into and out of, rewriting it as it rewrites you.
It’s not without its rewards, either - recovering a memory about Maria and Monica, about her life, feels better than socking a thousand bad guys in the face, better than all the photon blasts in the world.
Then again, realising there’s still memories she can’t access, even after all this time, feels like drowning in space.
Not the one out there - the one inside her.
🌻 Sweet & Salty by musette22 @musette22 [Stucky, 3k words, Teen]
Idiots in love. That's it. That's the fic.
When life gives you lemons by moonythejedi394 @moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 34k words, Explicit] (11/15 chapters)
Or 13 Terrible Things to Do With Lemons Other Than Making Lemonade
Steve Rogers is a home health nurse. He works for an agency, which assigned him to the aging Winifred Barnes, the one and only Silent Era Hollywood darling. As her needs increased, she requested the agency assign Steve to her full-time. She could pay for it, so she got it. Steve then moved in with her, becoming her caregiver; he cooked, he cleaned, he managed her medications, he made sure she was comfortable.
Winifred's children treated him less than ideally. He was the help, after all. And then Steve had the audacity to go and turn out to be eldest son James Barnes's soulmate. No one saw that coming.
🍀 SamRhodey Tumblr Fic by ipoiledi [SamRhodey, ? words, Teen?]
“Wilson, this is Rhodey; Rhodey, Wilson,” Tony Stark says, and suddenly some six foot tall sexy guy is shoved right in front of Sam, and they both stumble a little, bumping into each other. This is a crowded party. “You guys have things in common, right?” Stark asks. “Uh, Army stuff. Talk about that. I hate wallflowers; stop wallflowering and talk to each other.”
Shorteralls by moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 6k words, Explicit]
The first time Bucky ever saw Steve Rogers, he was struck by how Neanderthal-like his response was. It was immediately followed by a bout of mental scolding. The second time was just about the same. The third time, it was actually appropriate for Bucky to start a conversation with him, at which point he was determined to be the gentleman.
No such luck. Steve Rogers is, always has been and always will be, a relentless flirt. These days, Bucky's Neanderthal-ist feelings about Steve are consensual and highly appreciated. More so now that they're having a baby.
what the fuck are perfect places anyway by tigerlilycorinne [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]
Steve clears his throat and stands. “Well, I should head in. I might want to begin packing.”
Bucky stills. “You won’t,” he says, trying to sound commanding. It only comes out uncertain. “Don’t.”
Steve shakes his head. “Maybe not tonight,” he says, and Bucky knows they’ll be discussing this again soon.
“Then stay. Play… play cards with me or something.”
Steve’s eyebrows jump up, his mouth tugging up in another of his bemused smiles that do things to Bucky’s insides, but he drops his hand from the doorway and steps back into Bucky’s room. Somehow, Bucky feels as if he’s won—not the war, just the battle.
Steve won’t stay forever. But he’ll stay for cards.
Steve and Bucky, on the run after Civil War (with a few alterations to canon), are laying low in Wakanda. But they can’t stay there forever.
🌻 honestly thought i’d be dead by now, but what you can trust is that i need your touch by moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 105k words, Explicit]
Bucky is 37 years old; he’s unmarried, hasn’t had a Sub of his own, is definitely not ripped, comfortable at his job as an Advanced Practice RN at Brooklyn General ER, and just got his Five Years coin from AA.
Steve is 26 years old; he’s unmarried, his last and only Dom has Alzheimer's, he's worryingly muscular, uncomfortable in his job as the government’s poster Alpha for masculinity and strength, and worries more than he should about his BMI.
Unfortunately, Steve and Bucky meet initially in a not-cute moment. Bucky’s tired as shit thanks to the sudden alien invasion that shook New York and Steve is tired as shit because he hasn’t slept more than 20 minutes at a time in – well, since 1936, probably. Bucky’s Alpha instincts get irritated at the sudden presence of another "Alpha" into his territory and Steve’s suppressed submissive tendencies latch onto this grumpy bachelor Alpha and he only suppresses it further.
Bucky’s grumpiness and Steve’s duckling impressionism aside, both of them are a mess. But since both of them are a mess? Their messes seem to fit pretty well together.
Deep Sea Diving by Aida Ronan [Stucky, 5k words, Explicit]
Steve's wallowing in heat-related misery under a shade tree in Central Park when a man walks by in bright red booty shorts and a crop top. RIP Steve Rogers. It was nice knowing you.
honey, make this easy by steebadore [Stucky, 8k words, Explicit]
Bucky likes the way he looks. His silk button up with the tiny gold polka dots feels soft on his skin and is tailored perfectly; no pulling at his chest or belly. His hair falls in shiny dark waves and his skin is smooth and dewy. He looks expensive. He looks taken care of. He looks like Steve’s.
🌻 let's take it back to the start by howdoyousleep @howdoyousleep3 [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]
How it all began.
This sleepwalking through my life. by barthelme [Stucky, 1k words, Explicit]
The internet is an interesting place and when Bucky came home (or, when he came to live with Steve), Steve did a lot of research. Apparently, it’s not safe to wake a sleepwalker. He assumes that waking a sleepwalker with traumatic dreams and PTSD is beyond just being frowned upon.
And he tells himself--has told himself--that this is safer for Bucky. That if he were to stop him and wake him up, that Bucky would be mortified to be slurping on his best friend’s cock. That all of the improvements he’s made would be lost, would be repressed, would be just--
They’d be back at square one.
So he lets Bucky do it.
🌻 the way i've been craving by howdoyousleep [Stucky, 3k words, Explicit]
"Lunch break at 12:30. My office. Hope you’re hungry…"
It’s the ellipsis that sends Bucky’s insides swimming warmly, his heart beating twice as fast against his ribs where he sits in class. Senator Rogers is concise, direct, to the point. Without an ellipsis this is lunch, this is a meeting. With it though?
This is a booty call.
nasty but classy by howdoyousleep [Stucky, 4k words, Explicit]
“No, you don’t have to know the purpose, that doesn’t matter. Nat showed me this challenge where couples drink a lot of wine and get drunk together but they can’t touch each other. And whoever touches the other first has to...has to give the other head.”
🌻 Put It on Repeat, It Stays the Same by giselleslash [Stucky, 20k words, Explicit]
Steve and Bucky have a one night stand that turns into a friends with benefits situation. A weekend snowed in at Bucky’s apartment brings to light how much that really doesn’t suit either one of them.
Greetings to the New Brunette by victoria_p (musesfool) [Stucky, 10k words, General]
"You said he should have a hobby. That it would help."
"I meant, like, knitting or coin collecting. Motocross, if he was feeling antsy. A baby's not a hobby. It's lifetime commitment."
🌻 Rogers & Barnes: Partners by triedunture [Stucky, 10k words, Teen]
Steve and Bucky have to pose as a couple for a mission. Nat insists it really is the only option. She's checked.
The complication: unbeknownst to even Natasha, Steve and Bucky's friendship has been rocky ever since Bucky confessed his tender feelings and Steve left him out in the cold. Can asexual, completely-in-love-with-his-angry-best-friend Steve complete the mission and win Bucky's heart?
(The answer is yes. Yay!)
this will be our year (took a long time to come) by biblionerd07 [Stucky, 4k words, General]
Bucky's therapist is worried he's using Steve as a crutch and wants him to try going on outings without Steve. It wouldn't be terrible, honestly, if Bucky could just manage to open his mouth and say something to Steve.
I'll hold my breath by Little_Lottie (tfwatson) [Stucky, 8k words, Mature]
Sometimes Bucky’s hands flex in Steve's direction. Neither of them knows exactly why, but at least one of them has a hunch.
Bucky touches everything but Steve, even though Steve is all he really wants to touch.
Start from the Beginning by Mumble_Bee [Stucky, 13k words, Explicit]
What about a sex pollen fic where the pollen-ed one doesn’t remember getting hit in the face with a sex flower, and wakes up midway through the depollenating?
Or: the one where Steve wakes up on his back with a stranger buried balls-deep in his ass.
Match by emphasisonem [Stucky, 4k words, Mature]
The situation’s actually kind of funny from the right perspective, Bucky thinks as he reads the message for what feels like the hundredth time. He’s finally matched with a hot, funny guy. Tall and broad and clean cut. An absolutely breathtaking smile. Bucky’s walking wet dream. And he’s good. They haven’t messaged on the app, but Bucky already knows him.
He knows him because Steve Rogers is an art history professor at his university. His art history professor.
Best friends and married since childhood by StuckySituation [Stucky, 1k words, General]
Inspired by @/peterssquill's post in tumblr: "bucky and steve got married on the playground when they were like eight and though neither of them would ever admit it to anyone, even each other, they still consider it official"
~♥~ ♥~ ♥~
“Natasha, stop trying to set me up with every woman you meet, I’m-”
“Too shy? Too scared?”
“No, I’m-”
“Too busy? You’re mostly retired these days, not a good excuse anymore.” Natasha smirks and then drawls: “Or just too gay?”
Steve flushes at that, even if isn’t true -- he’s bisexual, not gay. “Let it go, Nat, I’m not looking for anything. I’m already married, for fuck’s sake.”
Clearly not what she expected. “What.”
Steve grimaces. He didn’t mean to tell anyone that, ever.
“Sorry, can’t talk about it right now!” he says and jumps out of the plane.
Nobody Should Be Alone on a Holiday by emphasisonem [Stucky, 2k words, Teen]
“So, um-” Bucky begins speaking again, pulling Steve from his less-than-work-appropriate thoughts. The brunet has shoved his hands into the pockets of his dark slacks, and he’s shifting from one foot to the other as he smiles shyly. “I have a question for you.”
“Shoot,” Steve grins, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his broad chest. Bucky swallows deeply as one of his hands comes up to pull at the collar of his button-up, and Steve can’t help following the motion of his Adam’s apple.
“I was, uh-” Bucky continues- “That is, I heard you don’t have Thanksgiving plans?”
In which Bucky finds out that Steve's going to be alone on Thanksgiving and invites his coworker to spend the holiday with him.
🌻 It's Been A Long Season Through by thiccbuckybarnes @thiccbuckybarnesfic [Stucky, 49k words, Explicit]
Bucky Barnes is in desperate need of a change in scenery, which is why he makes the foolhardy decision to quit his job, leave his asshole of a fiance, pack up his life, and move to his grandfather’s old farm all within a single day.
He expects confusion, hardship, and maybe even failure. But love? He wasn’t expecting that.
--
Or, a Stucky Stardew Valley AU that nobody but me wanted and that’s ok.
oh, peach pit, where'd the hours go? by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 10k words, Explicit]
Can't see the forest for the trees.
--
Or, Steve learns that just because he and Bucky got their happily ever after, it doesn’t mean the past won’t come back to bite them.
I'll find my way by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 725 words, Teen]
Steve had watched Bucky fall, and nothing had been the same since.
AU-gust day 19: Daemons
special delivery by glim @glim [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]
It's not that Steve's bad at taking care of himself when he gets sick; he just wishes he didn't have to all the time.
At least he can order most of what he needs online. That's some small comfort, that he can have soup and ice cream and everything else brought to his door.
at first chance i'd take the bed warmed by the body by spacebuck @spacebuck [Stucky, 8k words, Explicit]
This close, Steve can see exactly how beautiful his hands are. He’s never really noticed before, or at least he’s never really had a reason to notice, but the man’s hands are large, tanned like he works outside all day. There’s an endearing callus on the heel of one of his palms, and Steve can’t quite work out when calluses became endearing.
Steve pauses the video. Swallows hard. Casts his eyes around for anything that’ll keep his mind off the hands on his screen, off the words inked into those hands, the delicate shape of a bird’s wing, the curling edge of a vine.
He looks down. The name of the channel is right there, blaring the man’s name right into Steve’s brain until it feels like he’s known it all along.
Bucky Barnes.
OR: the one where Bucky's a youtuber who solves puzzles on camera, and steve's smitten and horny
🌻 Rock On! by millesable @marvelousescapism [Clintasha, 700 words, General]
“Hey, Romanoff!”
He lifted his hand, index finger and pinky finger raised, thumb out, all other fingers tucked. Their secret sign; their confession for the world to see, safe in the knowledge that the world wasn’t listening.
“Rock on!”
🌻 You Like the Way I Look by dontcallmebree @iamthe-wo-manwhocan [Stucky, 2k words, Explicit]
Bucky sidles up to him, hand boldly coming to rest on his chest. “What about you, big guy? Care for a dance?” Steve watches Bucky’s eyes twinkle with satisfaction, somehow already knowing he’s got Steve on the hook.
A decade out of the ice, Steve Rogers returns to New York. Reeling from a battle against the Chitauri, a night with the troublesome Bucky Barnes might be just what he needs.
Join the Rebellion by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 765 words, Teen]
Bucky knew he shouldn't be out after curfew, but he couldn't resist the urge. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew it was where he wanted to be.
AU-gust day 20: Dystopia
🔒 Five Days in December by mywingsareonwheels @mywingsareonwheels [Evanstan, 4k words, Teen]
“Shit shit shit shit...” muttered Chris to himself, glad that the sound of piped Christmas carols was drowning out his swearing amid the picture books. Most of the store was heaving even though it was Sunday, he’d been recognised at least three times, finding presents for all of his nieces and nephews was proving far more of a headache than expected, and he’d just sent a pile of copies of "Strictly No Elephants" tumbling off the bookshelf.
He scrambled about trying to pick them all up, and then dropped them again as someone bumped right into his backside. He lost his balance, caught himself against a bookcase, and a landslide of "Carter Is a Painter’s Cat" joined "Strictly No Elephants" on the floor. He yelped.
“Ah fuck, I’m so sorry… Chris!”
* * * * * * * * * *
London, December 2021. Amid cats, books, and the cold English drizzle, Chris finds everything he was hoping for and thought he would never have.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Reaching for Fire by dixons_mama @dixons-mama [Stucky, 7k words, Explicit]
Bucky has always felt a fire in his heart (and other body parts) when it came to his boss, Steve Rogers, but he's made sure to never feed those flames. When he finds out about Steve's second job, though, he's tempted to let that fire out.
i've been dreaming of a face like yours by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 3k words, Explicit]
Bucky is about to busy himself with making a small dinner for himself when he stops in his tracks at the figure drinking a cup of coffee in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and smirking at him.
It’s Steve.
“Surprise, sweet boy,” he says before setting his cup down.
--
Or, PWP reunion sex
🌻 Somewhere, Under Your Skin by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 16k words, Explicit]
Bucky Barnes treats himself to a one-night stand after having a very bad no good day.
The sex is good--great, even. Might be the best sex of his life.
But Bucky wouldn’t have slept with the guy if he had known that he was going to continuously run into him every day for the next fucking month.
--
Or, a Big Grump Bucky has a hot one night stand with a college kid who is popping up everywhere in his everyday life and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.
(Written for HYBB Bingo Square: Grumpy Bucky)
i've played heartstrings before but not in your key by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 11k words, Explicit]
He glances down, seeing a folded couple of papers, before peering up at Bucky. The older man is biting his bottom lip, making it pretty and red. Steve wants to run his tongue across where his teeth are digging into his flesh.
"What's this?" Steve asks, setting his phone down, emails forgotten. Bucky shrugs and looks away.
"I dunno. You tell me, genius," he says, sounding bratty enough that it makes Steve's dick twitch in his pants. Jesus, there has to be something wrong with him.
Steve glances once more at Bucky, who now has his arms crossed against his chest and is pointedly not looking at Steve, before picking up the stack of folded papers. He opens them, seeing a collection of maybe five or six sheets of paper. His eyes immediately land on the list of familiar words with negative next to each one. -- Or, Steve Rogers is a jealous, possessive little shit that wants nothing more than to mark up his boyfriend and stake his claim. And Bucky knows it. (And he likes it.)
🌻 I'm Home (With You) by BonkyBornes @padfoot-and-the-marauders [Stucky, 2k words, General]
In any other circumstance, the apartment would've been perfect. But it was today, and the fact that he was here meant he wasn’t out searching. He knew they hadn’t had any leads for weeks and he knew Natasha was right; all three of them were exhausted and a break would do them good. It just felt wrong to Steve that he was comfortable while Bucky was still out there—somewhere. Probably cold. Probably hungry.
The knock came again. Sighing, Steve unwrapped his hand from the dog tags and remembered how to move. Cold wind and snow greeted him when he opened the door. The solitary figure was walking down the steps, collar popped against the chill.
“Did you need something?” he called.
The person stopped. They were still. And then they turned. *
Or, the Christmas Steve deserved after Winter Soldier.
The portrait by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 915 words, General]
Steve Rogers has a Gift. He can help people find their soulmates, all he needs is some art supplies, a quiet place, and eye contact.
AU-gust day 21: soulmates
Maybe A Muse by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 2k words, Mature]
When Bucky Barnes needs extra money, he’s appalled that his best friends think he should become a model for the art department on campus. Shy, nerdy, and socially awkward, he’s not sure that’s something he feels comfortable doing. Still, he needs money, and he likes the idea of becoming someone’s muse. The problem is he had no idea two things would happen. First, one of the students in the class is exactly his type; second, he has to model nude.
164 notes · View notes
current-interest-writings · 3 years ago
Note
Can I request a batfam x reader where the reader comes out as asexual and is scared Duck won’t accept them so they tell Jason first and he gives them advice? Thank you so much, sorry if it’s too specific.
Batfam x Asexual!Reader
A/N: I do apologize for any errors, I don’t have anyone check them before they are posted. But I hope you enjoy reading it all the same!!
Warnings: some cursing, homophobia? maybe just in case.
Being friends with Dick meant that you spent a lot of time at the manor, Bruce took you under his cape. But that also came with the family making jokes about when you would get a partner, or Jason would crack jokes about making sure you had condoms on the ready, or a ‘condom cloud’. 
Dick has been your best friend for a long time, the one you could tell anything. well almost everything, you haven’t told him that you’re asexual, why haven’t you told him? well because you’re scared that he won’t accept you, or that he might do what others have and make rude or insensitive comments. 
not that you thought Dick was an insensitive man, you once saw him cry after he killed a fly, or when he went to a pride parade to celebrate the legalization of gay marriage. But even though you know he is very supportive of the lgbt+, but you have been told you’re confused by people who claim to be allies of the lgbt+ community. 
so you went to the only person you knew would just give you an honest opinion n: Jason. That’s what lead to you being on his couch with a cup of your favorite beverage, with Jason giving his drama queen face.
“so you’re worried Dick is going to reject you for being yourself?”
“it wouldn’t be the first time, I’ve had many people who were ‘good friends’ and they were rude and inconsiderate. or made some harmful comments about it”
“But you know who dick is, he wouldn’t hurt you intentionally, and this would be a good method to teach him if he says anything wrong. what’s the worse that could happen?”
“do you really want me to go there?”
he nods
“ he tells me that i’m confused, or that i haven't found the right person, or even worse he could say i just need to try it”
Jason jaw dropped
“people have said that to you!! i need names and now!!!”
“ it was a long time ago now, i just need your advice on how to approach Dick with this news. i don’t want to completely blindside him”
“You won’t, he has always had a feeling something about you was different, we were raised by the greatest detective. He won’t hurt your feelings, if he does i kill him”
cue laughs from both of you, you headed back out. you had a get together with Dick that night. 
after gathering your wits you looked at dick
“I have something I need to tell you”
he shifted and gave you his full attention
“of course I’m all ears”
“ I’m... I’m asexual”
he nodded and took in this information
“ so what does that mean exactly? I’m super happy you told me, and I want to know more about it”
“you aren’t going to make fun of me? or tell me that i just need to try?”
“NO!!! of course not! You are you, no matter your sexual orientation, or how you choose to identify. you are valid.”
you had relaxed, he wasn't going to try and convince you otherwise or stop talking to you.
you two just spent the night talking about what being asexual meant to you, and explaining that it was a spectrum and not a one size fits all. and eventually you both passed out in the living room.
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ps-i-dont-even-know · 3 years ago
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Devil may cry parent headcanons
Dante
He probably is a fun dad but at the same time don't leave your kids with him, it would be a disaster
Will wake up to crying at 12 am and try to put the kid back to sleep, ends up with both of them watching tv instead
This man will do anything with your kid, they want to go to the park, sure he'll have to keep an eye on them. They want to see the movies, sure has to be below pg or he will never hear the end of it from the nightmares his kids have. Want to go to the zoo, sure he just needs to make sure they don't go into the exhibit.
He will play dress up and tea time with them. He will put on a dress and have them do his makeup just so he can go to tea time, and might start some beef with Mr teddy for stealing his cupcakes, but he will do it proudly.
He will try to do their hair in the morning for school, again he is not the best at it and will probably give them crooked pigtails, he's trying he really is.
Can't cook for shit, I'm sorry if you think he could cook please take a look at all the pizza box stored around his shop. Like he will take cooking lessons or watch cooking shows but dear god how do you set fire to milk.
He will always be there for his kid to vent even if he doesn't know how to respond he will sit and let them rant about stuff, also trying to cheer them up because he doesn't want to see them sad
If they brought their homework to him he would be confused he can barely pay his bills i don't think he knows how to do math, but drama he will rock that stuff his acting skills are on point even if it's cheesy
Will waste all his money on the kid, toys, clothes, video games, you name it he will buy it and give to the kid
Remember how I said not to leave your kid alone with Dante yeah, he may or may noteave his weapons/devilarms around for the kids to grab them, like halfway of Dante walking into the main room and he sees ebony in his kids mouth he tricksters all the way to them and quickly grab ebony before anything bad happens, but the kid will start crying and he has to find something for them to mess with or he'll get a headache
He accidently devil triggered in front of his kid now depending on which one he get two responses and he's expecting screaming for both, but if its regular dt like humanish looking one, "woah, dad grew scales and wings, are you a lizard king?" Now its his Sin Dt he would get "Oo, daddys a gaint dragon" for both case they will proceed to touch his scales? And will be all over him trying to climb him to the point he literally has to switch out of dt so they don't get hurt. Also he's a heat source for winter if the heating doesn't get paid for.
If his kid comes out as any of the lgbtq+ he would be supportive and loves them for who they are, I also see him being apart of it too.(I know a few people see him as asexual I do too, as well as bisexual)
Vergil
Look this guy probably has no clue what he's doing, even if we wish he could've taken care of Nero (at least I do) he didn't and now he has another kid to take care
Please help him hold the baby, he can't properly do it at all, he's just holding them by their chest and staring at them with confusion as the child cry, "why won't they stop screaming?"
He will get the hang of taking care of the kid, but please don't leave him alone with them for long he still has no clue what he's doing half the time
"Hey can I hang out with (insert name) at the mall?", "Do I know their mom?", "Uh, no", "Do I know their dad?", "No" Then that settles it, you can't go", "But-", "No buts, if I don't know their parents you can't go, and that's finale"
Can he cook, probably but he's been in hell for most of his life and doesn't know what he's doing half the time. Thank god for cooking shows and book he at least tries a learn how to cook, and doesn't burn anything unlike someone else
He will read the kids William Blake or other bed time stories before bed time, and will do activities where they try to make up poems he has to thank Nero for the idea
Speak of Nero, if Vergil has a mission he will leave his kids with him, he's not trusting Dante at all. Nero absolutely loves his step siblings even if their like a few years younger than him, they will either play with the other kids at the orphanages or play Nero which consist of Video games, sometimes sword fights if they beg long enough, or just talk about the stuff their dad and uncle does that are stupid and make fun of them for it.
Also that one dad to try and help with math homework but makes the kid cry because they don't understand the problem and he's yelling at them "What's 2 x 2?" Its traumatizing please someone tell him to cool it or his kid is going to have problems when it comes to yelling and math, also complains how he didn't learn it that way as a kid, I promise you he was homeschooled.
Now his kids can vent to him but he has no clue what to do nor have much good advice but he will give what he knows even if it's not the best.
This can go many ways, this man know his kid is getting bullied he will go down to the school with the Yamato and threaten someone's life, give his kid the sword for them to deal with it instead, or use some brain cells and deal with it like civil people and we hope he chooses the last one
Now he's a little careful with his devil trigger and doesn't want to scare his kids, but its by accident really and he expects screaming, just like Dante he gets two responses. Regular dt and I'm going off of 4 because I don't think he has one in dmc5, "Dad, why didn't you tell me/us your secretly a bug, don't worry well keep you away from shoes." If its Sin Dt, "Wow, your a dragon this whole time, does this mean I'm also a dragon, where do you keep your stashed gold?", I feel like for his regular dt they will sometimes smack him with a fyswatter and he has to turn out of his sin dt quickly because they want to mess with the fire coming out of him.
If his kids come out as lgbtq+ he will be supportive and a little confused because he has no clue what it is. They have to explain what it means and what their sexuality means, he'll still be supportive and loves his kids no matter what they are
Nero
Out of Vergil and Dante, he's probably the one who knows more about taking care of kids since he grew up with them in an orphanage and takes care of them
I feel he's like a mix between Dante and Vergil, Fun dad but will put his foot down on somethings
If its a girl you bet he will go out to a store at whatever time it is and buy then pad/tampon when their monthly comes no questions asked he just knows. If its a dude he will give the talk, not just protection but what not to do, like when a girl tells him to stop he needs to stop, no advancing on or anything like that (I feel like the no advancing will also go for the girl)
Doesn't do favoritism, he hates that stuff since he technically dealt with it as a kid, if one kid ask why he loves the other more than them he will shut that down quickly and tell them he loves them equally and will move moons for them to both be happy
Best cook hands down, and will let his kids help if they want to but keeps them away from sharp objects. He will also take them out to dinner if he doesn't want to cook
He's decent with homework, and goes about it in a fun learning experience for the both of them, if they get an answer right they get a point that they can trade for something special later kne, if they get it wrong they will go over it again, but still get a point because no favoritism. He also help make a volcano, but also put a little extra pizzazz to it, and might have caused the whole kitchen to be a different color now.
His kids can vent to him, he will understand and try to help give advice for some issues, also takes them out of the house to do something they want to do to cheer them up
He will encourage his kids to follow what they want to do, play a sport? He will show up to every game, even if that means giving Dante his mission he will. A club? He will make sure they have everything they need for that club and be on time for it, be it art, book, yearbook, student council, etc. They want to do boy scout/girl scout, he will make sure he gets them a vest and help put pins on as well. He will be the number one supportive dad
As soon as his kid comes to him crying about how some other kid is bullying them he will be mad, he'll reassuring his kid that they are amazing first, then go to the school, if they don't do anything he will go straight to the parent and make sure that their kid doesn't mess with his anymore.
Will watch anime with them, if they agree that is don't want your dad into your stuff. But like he's absolutely into it, he seems like the person to like Bleach (this was not intentional I complete forgot that the voice actor for Nero also did Ichigo) or Cowboy Bebop. Maybe sailor moon but you won't hear him say it
Look he's really new to the devil trigger business, the only thing close he had was that ghost creature, so keeping this thing in check and not popping up randomly is hard. His kids reaction are, "You hair is longer, are you like rapunzel, oh wait you have wings and a crown your an angel. Oh can I braid your hair please," of course he will let them braide his hair he can't say no to a pouting face, they also will poke his wings to see if their real.
He will definitely support his kid if their aprat of the lgbtq+, will buy them flags, merch, you name it. He want his kid to feel safe and loved
Lady and Trish
Look I can't separate these two, when I first saw them I thought they were girlfriends, and I can't let that go. But these two would definitely be the fun and protective mom
So considering Trish and Lady are both females they definitely have to adopt of course, now Lady may not know if its half demon or full, but Trish does and she probably would help the kid when they get older since she knows about the demon body considering she has one, if its human Lady knows the most about the stuff going on when they get older and has I already planned out.
Now Lady has to be the protective mom because the shit happen with her dad she definitely doesn't want anything bad to happen to their kid, and Trish is like you do you kid if you get hurt you learn from it "its the demon way of raising" she says. Though she still will watch over them and make sure they don't get themselves severely hurt
They will buy their kid anything, and take them out shopping. It's like a spin the wheel of pay to see if they will pay for the stuff or put it under Dante's name for shits and giggles
Lady has to like keep her weapons locked up somewhere safe, unlike Dante, she's more careful with her weapons
If their kid is mad or something Trish will take them to some deserted area with some random stuff she found that isn't in use and have their kid throw it in the air so she can blow it up with her lighting, you know to blow steam off
Trish or Lady tell their kid the stupidest thing Dante has done or said, if they visit Dante please note one will scream if Dante says something about a soul, "I should have been the one to fill your dark soul with Light" and get the voice crack right too, he will look so embarrassed
Now Trish might not know anything about homework she'll support the best she can but Lady knows most of the stuff and will help.
Trish will tell their king everything about Hell, who's in charge, what creatures are there, the history of it all. Its a great learning experience until you tell them that the female demons kill the male after finishing mating
If they are out in public and some guy is hitting on their kid and their tell him no, protective mom mode is on. Mostly Lady has to stop Trish from frying thr guy, but Lady will give the man a price of her mind saying if he tries to do this shit again with her kid he will be going home with a foot straight up his ass. So now no man tries to hit on her
Definitely let the kids go venting to them, they give the best cuddled, some good advice, and shopping if they say someone's bullying them they will see that the parent deals with their kid.
They knew their kid was apart of lgbtq+, of course their supportive of who they are, they are dating of course. They will take them to a pride march in June
Kyrie
Look, LOOK, she is an amazing mom, so caring but also will put her foot down on somethings
Besides Nero she is a good cook and baker, while she doesn't want kids in the kitchen while she's cooking will will have them help with baking sweet
Reads bedtime stories and tucks her kids in and kiss goodnight (ugh my heart hurts I love this)
She will play video games with her kids mostly on the wii, she still the champion on Mario Kart and Just Dance no one has taken their spot yet, even Nero tries
Packs lunch for her kids and puts a note in it telling them that she loves them and hope they have the best day
She does worry about them from time to time when they go over a friends house, only because of what happened to her brother and then Nero she doesn't want anything to happen to her kids
Tells them not to climb the tree in their backyard, what does one of them do, they climb it and accidently falls down. She goes to them saying "You know I told you not to do it, and you did it anyways, you need to be more careful and listen to me. I'm not doing this because I'm being uptight I'm doing this for your safety I want you to be able to do the things you want in the future"
I feel like she's the same way with friends like Vergil, if she doesn't know the parents then you can't go out or over their house
She is really a good listener and help with advice, so venting to her is a really great idea also will ask about your feelings and how your doing someday, like she knows your in a sad mood
She also good with homework, I feel like she wanted to become a teacher as well as study for it, but instead stuck with taking care of orphans, so she probably homeschools her kids too
She also makes the kids clothes time to time, they have little sweaters or shirts that are soft and comfortable
She is so supportive of her kids if they come out lgbtq+, she doesn't care as long as their happy thats all that matters.
Nico
Now I love Nico amazing and pretty girl but don't leave a child with her, just like Dante it will be a disaster, but she probably would try to be a better parent than her since he technically wa this weird freaky man who experimented on demons or was weird.
Let's start with teaching the kid every swear word she knows and tells them to go up to Nero call him one of those names, she will hear her name being screamed and find an angry Nero going over to her as she burst into fits of laughter
Will be extra pair of arms when getting a tool they need for fixing the van, when Nero does understand what a Dohicky is
I think Nico can cook, its decent not bad or good, she did nearly burn the van down from trying to cook turkey.
She will try and cut back on smoking or at least not doing it when the kid is around because its bad for them, Nero scoffs because she nags him when he tells her to stop, but not her kids
Now her kids could bring homework to her, like he's good in math, engineering, and probably biology, but she'll act as if she never even seen the stuff in her life, because she wants to get her learn it and not her just giving them the answer. But if their kid is in a science fair I bet she will help make something totally child friendly(its not really), it kind of gets her and her kid ban from doing anymore science fairs.
She will teach then everything she knows about Demon, mostly the biology of it, and when Nero brings a demon part for his breakers, she goes in explain how she turns them into those.
Will tease her kids if they talk about their crush, she's a huge teaser so saying something about someone they really like or anything its a mistake, she will embarrass them in front of their crush, but she means well
If they try to change the channel of the radio she swats their hand saying the driver picks the music and the passenger has to sit and listen.
If she's busy with something she will let Nero and Kyrie babysit her kids, she trust them and the kids love Nero and Kyrie.
Tries to teach her kids how to drive when their of age to learn, but Nero and Kyrie won't let her considering how she drives and that the instructor is more legal to do it.
No but she will tease her kid a bit if they come out lgbtq+ too, of course she supportive I kind of see her being apart of lgbtq+ as well
*Bonus because it seemed reasonable to just put this one here like this*
Nero, Dante, Vergil, Lady, Trish, Nico
They will teach their kid self defense, and how to use a weapon. While they rather their kids have a normal life instead of a demon hunter for many reasons, they at least want their kid to take care of themselves if they find themselves in a situation where their life is on the line
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the-hopeless-haze · 3 years ago
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Oh, My Precious Whore
A/N: didn’t really think I’d ever be posting fic on here again… but I am tired and need a distraction so… have this as a treat
Pairing: Claire Underwood x f!reader, implied Duncan Shepherd x f!reader
CW: derogatory pet names, implied smut (will not occur in full until the next part)
Description: idk this is just pure filth bc there’s a severe lack of f!reader fic and… Robin Wright is hot af. Also had to throw in some Duncan in there bc I love Cody Fern
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Maybe you should feel worse right now about what you’re doing, but you don’t.
You, at the very least, should feel scared. The Underwoods, or well, Underwood... she was a powerful woman and if you stepped a millimeter out of place your life was likely in danger. Or so they said. Your in-laws were wary of her, you know, but she was wary of them, too. You think. She’s a difficult woman to read.
The rumors concerning the crimes her late husband supposedly committed are lengthy and convoluted, but you suspect they hold some truth to them. Most rumors usually aren’t based totally in fiction. Her husband was truly a ruthless motherfucker. Claire... Claire doesn’t seem to be ruthless. Nor does she seem to be what you would describe as a motherfucker.
No, she’s a cold hearted bitch. A bitter, sociopathic cunt.
But you never wanted what was good for you.
Sometimes, you swear you love Duncan and you wish it was easier to convince yourself. He a good husband, all things considered. Perhaps a little too focused on work, but... he treats you well to make up for it. He is loyal to a fault, if anyone ever was. You met him through a friend, and though it makes you feel guilty you used him in a vain attempt to get closer to Annette.
But Annette didn’t swing your way, as she told you in not so many words. Or, rather, she said, “Just be a good pet and marry my son. You on his arm will do well for everyone all around. Your dalliances on the side are no one’s business as long as you keep them secret enough that not even Duncan finds out.”
So you agreed, and accepted his proposal you figured she no doubt hounded him into. It’s not so much that you don’t like men, you do, and Duncan is such an attractive man, and he’s a thorough lover... it’s just you suppose you have a preference for women. Older women. You used to joke in high school that you wanted to be a high-end escort for rich older women getting away from their CEO husbands for the weekend.
But your parents would have never approved of that plan. So you went to law school instead. Which was fine. You make decent money without Duncan, but with him you’re somewhat of a young, hot power couple. You’re not really interested in policy the way his family is - you just like ingratiating yourself amongst these people with influence. You get off on brushing shoulders with the powerful. Parties don’t mean much to you. Everyone is truly an evil son of a bitch, no matter what they say when the cameras are on. No one cares about progress, not unless it’s self-serving.
The first time you met Claire, you thought you might die. She barely gave Duncan a second glance but you? She stood and chatted with you about your latest case your firm had taken - how she knew about it among all the other things on her mind, you don’t know - but it was a pleasant conversation, all things considered. You know her and Annette used to be close. You wonder how much Claire does know about you.
You know you can’t trust her. At all.
But after that incident, Duncan grinned and shook his head. “Wouldn’t want to give credence to those rumors. She might have it out for you.”
“Rumors?” You asked, panicking already. Did he know?
“That Claire is a lesbian. It’s been floating around some circles, that that’s why she wasn’t truly upset at her husband’s death, that that’s why she’s pushing so hard for female rights. It’s interesting. It is the first time I met her, but having done so it wouldn’t entirely surprise me.”
You can tell. That woman probably isn’t a lesbian, or if she is, she’s very good at utilizing her charm to make it seem as though she’s not. If anything, you’d peg her as asexual. She uses sex as a weapon. Fair enough. You’ve seen even weaker women feel the need to use it.
You wonder if she’s ever had sex purely for herself and not for manipulation purposes.
You wonder if she could even do that. You reckon you don’t really care if you found out the hard way.
It’s a few weeks later that you receive a message stating the President required your audience. And you know you should tell Annette, or Duncan at the very least, but you don’t. You know you shouldn’t show up at all. But Annette said to keep your dalliances secret. So secret they will stay.
“How loyal are you to the Shepherds?” Claire asks when you arrive. Straight to the point. Good.
“As loyal as I have to appear,” you tell her.
Claire smiles a little. “Why did you marry Duncan? He doesn’t seem quite your type.”
“And what do you presume my type is?”
“Perhaps more feminine. Older.”
“Mm. And what is your type, Ms President?”
“Why did you marry him? Did Annette threaten to out you?” she repeats.
“Not in so many words,” you say.
“Hmm. Interesting. He has no idea, I presume?”
“Why did you call me here?” you ask, your anxiety getting the better of you.
“I need information on the Shepherds. And I believe I have something you’d want in return.”
Your head starts spinning, but no, spinning is an understatement. It’s fucking doing somersaults. You cannot believe what she’s proposing.
“You want to prostitute yourself to me for information?”
And Claire does the last thing you ever expected the bitch to do. She walks across the room and slaps you across the face. Hard enough to sting, but not as hard as you bet she could. You feel the cold metal of her wedding ring press against your cheek as she grabs your chin, her cold blue eyes piercing through to your soul. “Don’t you dare fucking accuse the president of the United States of debasement, and don’t ever assume you have the upper hand.”
“Claire—“
“Are we on first name basis, slut?” she asks, her hand slithering down to your throat. Holy shit, you think. This bitch might actually fucking kill me. You think you’d care more if this wasn’t possibly the hottest thing that ever happened to you. “I didn’t think so. Now. What are your loyalties? Who are you closest to?”
“Duncan, obviously. Annette lets her guard down around me because she likes that I think she’s hot, but she still doesn’t like me. Bill and I don’t get along.”
“Interesting. How much does Duncan know?”
“I know more than Duncan.”
“Really, now? Are you just saying that? Because if you don’t prove to be useful...”
“What? You’ll kill me?”
Claire laughs. “No, you’re much more fun to me alive. But tell me… do you know where Duncan came from?”
“I mean, I truly don’t know how Annette’s cunt could birth anything, given how much of a bitch she is, but…”
Claire smiles. “Yes. Much more fun alive. Duncan is not her child.”
“Well, that’s a relief I don’t have any chance of keeping the Shepherd bloodline alive,” you snicker. “Where did he come from, then?”
“I’ll tell you… in time. But you have to tell him, too. In front of Annette and Bill. I want them all to know.”
“They’ll skin me alive if they knew I was here.”
“Do you want to fuck me or not? These are my terms.”
“So that is why I’m here?”
She only smirks at you, the wrinkles around her blue eyes crinkling as she does. “Your attraction to me is far more interesting than... well, men are pigs, right? I’m sure you are well aware. But you, you look at me like you want to fuck me, sure, but you also know your place. You respect me, even if you try to talk back. Men don’t know any better.”
“Have you ever slept with a woman before?”
She only smiles. “Does it matter?”
“Just wanted to know if there was credence to the rumors.”
“Rumors? You’re quite bold. I’m the one with my hand...wrapped around your throat.”
“It’d be pretty messy for you if you killed me right now,” you retort, wincing and rubbing your legs together as she increases the pressure on your neck.
“You’ll learn not to talk back, whore. To think you’re a married woman...”
“Yeah? Did you hold your marriage sacrosanct?”
There’s that smile again. She’s beautiful, ethereal, but there’s something so inhumane about the way her lips move upward to smirk at you. Maybe you should learn to shut your mouth, but you always were a brat. Besides, it’s more fun this way.
“I did.”
“Liar,” you accuse, smirking at her as you do, and she lets go of your throat and before you can miss the feeling too much she slaps your face again, the right cheek this time, much harder than the first time. You let out a startled, strangled moan on impulse, stumbling back a little against the wall.
“Oh, did that hurt?” she coos at you condescendingly, fixing a piece of your hair that fell out of place as you stand back up, pressing your back flat against the wall for stability. Claire crosses her arms and stands directly in front of you.
“I can take it. I can take more than that,” you say boldly.
“Oh? What else do you like, slut?”
“You name it, I’m game.”
“Anything? Handcuffs? Whips? Knives?”
You nod at everything she comes up with. Jesus, you would let this woman carve out your heart if she wanted it.
“If I make you bleed?”
“Better.”
“Interesting. Does Duncan play these little games with you?”
You laugh. “No.”
“You only want a woman to do these things to you?”
“Precisely. Are you kinky, Madam President?”
“Whatever my partner requires... I make certain I provide.”
“But what do you want?”
“I’m a hard woman to please.”
“Oh. Is that the kind way of saying Frank wasn’t good in bed?” you ask, feigning sympathy. She only smirks again. “I’m surprised you didn’t slap me for that. He must have really been awful.”
“You think you could do better?”
“Women do everything better,” you laugh, earning perhaps the only genuine smile you’ve gotten from this woman the whole time. “That’s why I wanted to know if you’ve been with a woman...”
“No. But I’ve thought about it. Never had a woman as interested as you.”
“I find that very hard to believe. Maybe you just never noticed. What gave it away?” You’re aching for her to touch you again, give you anything, even pain, but she stands still in front of you.
“I can just tell. Besides, I was interested to meet you. You’re the Shepherd’s weak link. I knew Annette didn’t vet you carefully enough.”
“Are you saying me being gay is an issue?”
“Are you so naive to think it wouldn’t be, given the state of this country?” she retorts. “But that’s not all. I can tell you don’t like them. I could tell you were easy... on more than one account.”
You roll your eyes. “I fucking hate Bill. I mean it’s awful to say, he’s not doing well physically, but he’s just made life a living hell for me.”
“Why?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.
“I don’t know. Maybe he hates gay people. Maybe he hates women. Both. Don’t know.”
“So everyone knows but Duncan? Funny how he’s kept out of all the good family secrets that concern him.”
You sigh. “See, sexuality’s a funny thing. I like Duncan. I do. And sometimes sex with him is good if not great. He’s a good partner. But I just prefer women.”
“Must be nice to have it figured out. Your generation did have it easier.”
You look at her questioningly. You never thought someone like her was human enough to struggle with such a thing, but perhaps that’s an unfair assessment.
Or she’s playing you.
Still. She’d have to be quite a good player - not that you should underestimate her skill - to talk about something as personal as her struggles with sexuality. Straight people just don’t get it. Would she really be this easily well versed if it was a game?
“There’s still a long ways to go,” you say.
“I intend to rectify that.”
“Of course you do.”
Her eyes narrow at you and she tilts her head. “Do you think I should be doing better?”
“Yeah. Come out, for starters.”
“Says the woman in a sham marriage.”
“It’s not a sham. I love Duncan,” you protest.
“Then why are you here, selling out his family just for a chance to fuck me? You’re not much better than I am.”
“I don’t think I’ve told you anything yet. Besides. It’s not his real family… as you say.”
“No. You haven’t told me anything I didn’t already know. But I haven’t fucked you yet either, have I?”
“Touché.”
“Come over here,” she beckons, leaning against the desk and once again it strikes you where you are - the fucking Oval Office. Are you seriously going to have sex in the Oval Office? Conservatives would be disgusted by this (although it wouldn’t be the first time this office was defiled). “Don’t look so scared now. You can’t back out at this point.”
You nod, trying not to look as nervous as you feel and walk the few steps over to her, your legs inches from hers. God, you’re practically dying from the anticipation alone.
“Does Duncan ever tell you how beautiful you are?” She asks. You’re absolutely shellshocked. There’s no trace of sarcasm in her voice.
“Sometimes,” you murmur.
“Just like men to not appreciate what they have.”
“Mm. Frank didn’t appreciate you, Claire? Didn’t make you feel good? I would. If you were my wife I’d make you come every fucking day,” you say, and boldly you decide to punctuate that statement by pressing your lips to hers.
Mistake. Or maybe not, you don’t know.
Her hands tangle in your hair and you feel her stand up, press against you firmly before backing you into the desk, pushing you onto it until your back is flat on the wood, and she’s hovering over you, her lips ghosting yours.
“I’m a hard woman to please,” she reiterates and you realize she never fucking lost her breath while you feel like the wind was knocked out of you. “I’m ambivalent about attention in general. But look at you, whore. You crave it, don’t you? Just want someone to tell you that you’re a good girl... oh, look at you squeeze your thighs together. Are you wet for me, slut?”
“Why don’t you see for yourself?” You ask, spreading your legs slightly for her.
She shakes her head, her straight platinum locks shifting as she does so, brushing against your face. “See? You’re not a good girl. You’re a dirty filthy whore and you just don’t know when to shut that whore mouth or close your fucking legs.”
You stay silent - you’re not sure what to do now. Do you antagonize her, push her further, see if it will rile her up again? Or do you try and kiss her again?
Claire has other ideas. “Beg,” she hisses in your ear. “Get down on your knees and beg for me.”
—- and I am evil and ending it there! Plz let me know if I should continue this!
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whack-ed · 4 years ago
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It’s a lie (draco malfoy x reader)
Synopsis: Y/N had a bad reputation, everyone knew that. And apparently, Draco didn't care about it, he even managed to get some fun. Little did he know how it was going to end.
Warnings: Suggestive talks; kissing; teasing; sex tension; fluffy.
Reader: Female
Word count: 1.8k
A/N: Well, a fic based on “it’s a lie - the vamps ft. tini” cause i’m a cureless cliche teenager, thank you.
Just to remember: Y/N= Your Name; Y/L/N= Your Last Name; Y/H/C= Your Hair Color; Y/E/C= Your Eyes Color; Y/H= Your House; italic it’s for past & bold it’s for the fic theme.
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Everyone knew Y/N's reputation. Everyone knew that she was not good company for any boy. None of the boys who got involved with her kept their heart intact. The list was varied, from Ernest McMillan to Michael Corner, Dean Thomas was unable to escape and some would say that she was the only one who had managed to win Blaise Zabini. And none of them had achieved the opposite effect, Y/N always seemed a step ahead of any of them. Well, until now.
At the beginning of his sixth year at Hogwarts, Draco had a million things on his mind. His father had made his life hell for the past few months, all he felt was anger. A lot of anger. He did not knew where to discount all these accumulated feelings.
"Draco, you're floating again" Pansy's voice woke the boy from his daydreams. The selection ceremony was over, but Draco hadn't paid any attention.
"Whatever" He replied with little concern.
"You are unbearable, you know? Since we got on the train you're like this. What do you have?" Blaise asked without patience to the blonde beside him.
"Why don't you mind your own business, Zabini?" Draco replied rudely.
"For merlin's sake you really need a girl, this can only be sexual stress" Blaise replied short and dry. Pansy did not like the answer.
Draco ignored the comment. Or at least he thought he had ignored it. Blaise's words, no matter how insignificant they were, stayed with Draco for the rest of the day. Classes were going on and the boy started paying attention to the girls who passed by the corridors. He never worried too much about girls, but maybe this was the right time to do that, it was a good distraction from the living hell at home. He had never noticed how many beautiful girls there were at school. Until then he did only notice Pansy, but he found she slightly irritating to try anything.
During the last class of the day, with Professor Flitwick, they shared class with Y/H. The class itself was particularly tedious, so once again Draco started to notice the female faces of the place where he was. It didn't even last 3 minutes, one face in particular caught his eye. Y/N Y/L/N. Ah that name he knew well. Like everyone at Hogwarts, Draco knew the girl's reputation. He knew that with Blaise's thing it was a lie, because well, he was close enough to know that Blaise didn't like what Y/N had to offer, if you know what I mean. And without noticing he got lost in the girl's face, he watched every detail closely, he had never seen a girl as beautiful as she was.
"Of all the girls at Hogwarts, you are interested in Y/N?" Blaise asked raising an eyebrow "Do you have a death wish or something?"
"I know who Y/N is" Draco replied without taking his eyes off the girl.
"If you knew, you would have this idea out of your head right now, Draco" Blaise said turning his attention to the parchment to write down what the professor was saying.
"Is that kind of a challenge?" Draco said with his usual tone of superiority.
"OK, now you're sounding like yourself. But I still think it's stupid, she will break you into pieces, Draco."
"Not if I prepare myself. And Blaise, no one break me into pieces."
And so it was. Since that day whenever Draco wanted to distract himself from something related to "family matters" he stared at the beautiful Y/E/C eyes of a certain Y/H. The first contact he had made with her was at dinner, the same day he had challenged Blaise. He saw the girl enter the main hall with her friends and went to her with the best smile he could.
"Hey, Y/N, right?"
"Hummm" The girl looked him up and down "Not for you" And went to sit with her friends.
Draco didn't understand anything. Was she playing hard? Or was she just not interested? No. It couldn't be. All the girls at Hogwarts were at least a little bit curious about what it was like to be with Draco Malfoy. Y/N couldn't be different, could she?
Now more than ever Draco was focused on getting Y/N interested in him. It was no longer just a challenge between two friends. Now it was a matter of honor.
So whenever he could, Draco used his best charm on Y/N.
"Leave it, I'll pay for you" He said in Hogsmade.
"You play really well, Y/N, it almost made me lose focus" He would say after a Quidditch game.
"You are almost an alchemist, you know?" He said in potions classes.
And Y/N couldn't deny that she was enjoying the attention. At first she was cold because she knew how Draco was not interested in any girl in school, and thought it could only be a bet between him and some classmate. But when she noticed that the flirting went on for another two weeks, for another month, she thought that no one could go that far with a bet. She knew he was an idiot with most people, but there was no denying it, he was the most beautiful boy of his year. Sometimes the girl thought he could be asexual, and how wrong she was.
Despite wanting to, Y/N was not going to give her arm to cheer. She wanted to see how far the boy was going. So she did, for a whole month, until the girl showed some interest. It was on a trip to Hogsmade that she finally gave some sign of an answer.
"I didn't know it was possible for you to get sweeter, but it looks like it is" Draco said as the girl took three boxes of chocolate frogs.
"It's to compensate" Y/N replied with a smile that Draco had never seen, he liked what was going on.
"Compensate for what?"
"Everything you steal from me, you really take away all my sweetness sometimes, you know"
Draco laughed sarcastically and looked at the girl with a malicious smile.
"Y/N, saying you don't want me, it's a lie, and you know it" He said approaching the girl.
Y/N now could see that Draco had a little blue in his gray eyes, he was so close. It had a very pleasant smell, a woody smell that weirdly reminded her of home. He noticed how interested the girl in front of his face was.
"Saw? A huge lie" He said getting closer.
Now it was so close that Y/N could feel the boy's breath on her face. Draco ran his hand over Y/N's face and stopped on the cheek to caress it. People around could say that Y/N was hypnotized, because the girl was completely unresponsive, she didn't take her eyes off Draco's eyes for even a minute. The boy gave another laugh, patted his cheek, walked away, and winked at Y/N and left the store. There was no denying it anymore, she wanted him.
To be honest, Draco was the only boy Y/N had really wanted since her fourth year, but as all the boys always said he was not good company and he never got involved with anyone, so she never tried anything. She drowned hers desires in other lips, that's why she ended up breaking so many hearts. But when Draco finally paid attention to her, the girl was already so into the character, that she didn't miss the chance to finally play with the famous Malfoy, right on her fingers.
The next few months went on as expected, Y/N and Draco "having fun" up and down. They kept it secret for a while, so as not to attract more attention than necessary, and of course, that little by little people started to notice. Draco was great at hiding family secrets, but he wasn't very good at hiding a girl he was fulling around with. The looks between the two during meals and classes were far from discreet. The sexual tension always exposed between the two was always explicit. Sometimes a student caught them going out from a empty classroom together. And a young ravenclaw swear he saw the two of them holding hands by the lake.
With the end of the year approaching, close to October, the students' traditional secret Halloween party in the come and go room was being prepared with the smallest details by some slytherin and gryffindor students. The party had become a tradition 4 years ago, but only sixth and seventh graders could participate. As it was in the come and go room, they didn't care about the noise, just what to bring. The organizing students always took things from the kitchen, among them, a lot of firewhisky.
"Are you going to Halloween party, Y/N?" Draco asked the girl who was fixing her shirt inside a broom closet. The two of them stopped going to empty classrooms when they we’re almost caught by Professor Snape.
"Of course, the first year we can really get in, how can we miss it?" She said smiling with the shirt already in place, although some buttons were missing.
Draco was silent. He wanted to invite Y/N to go with him, but he didn't know if they were on that level or not. How he hated not being in control of things.
"Draco?" Y/N caught his attention after the boy's face became serious and closed, something that rarely happened when he was with her. "Do you want to go?"
He never was going to deny going to a party - without teachers - where Y/N was.
"Of course, I will" He replied fixing his hair.
"We need to prepare our fantasies than, you know."
"Excuse me" Draco cleared his throat "OUR fantasies?"
Y/N laughed.
"What? Shouldn't I consider that we would be going together?"
A sense of relief washed over Draco's body as soon as the girl's words left his mouth.
"I had thought of something like, Mr. and Mrs. Dracula, I always thought you were pale as a vampire" Y/N laughed and put her arms around Draco's neck.
"We are in England, Y/N, we are all pale as vampires - The boy replied placing his hands on the girl's waist. "And by the way, who said I want to go with you?" Joked, the boy.
Their faces were very close. Smiling face to face. Dangerously close.
"Draco, saying you don't want me, it’s a lie."
Draco laughed and didn't wait another minute before kissing the girl in front of him. He had managed to win over the girl that everyone thought was unconquerable. But the truth is, he was so blinded by love as she, and of course, neither of them was going to admit that anytime soon. But honestly, It didn't even need to say anything, they both knew it had gone too far, and the both couldn't be happier that they let it happen.
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reluctant-mandalore · 4 years ago
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Because You’re You (Din Djarin x Reader)
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Warnings: Fluff, established relationship, pinning/yearning (only a little at the start), reader is asexual, reader is  short, gender neutral pronouns used for the reader. Soft boyfriend Din. like very slight emotional hurt/comfort, its not super heavy or anything. Its pretty much just fluff. 
Word Count: 1,797
Pairing: Din Djarin x gn!Reader (reader is also short and asexual)
a/n: @remmyswritings​ Thank you for requesting! I’ve never written an asexual reader before so I hope I did the fic justice. I’m a bit nervous about it tbh, but I really do hope you enjoy. This fic mostly features Din being soft and affirming the fact that he loves the reader very much and them being asexual doesn’t change this. He’s just all around a lovely fluff ball with supporting them. 
The Mandalorian was always nervous about meeting new people. Over his years of bounty work, he had found that trust was a hard thing to come by. People were willing to stab you in the back without a second thought out there in the outer rim. So, it was safe to say that he was a little concerned when it came to meeting you for the first time.
Cara had vouched for you though, insisting that you were trustworthy and would do great with the kid. He was uneasy with the whole arrangement and was unsure of if he should even go to the meeting. Although, his trust for Cara and his need for someone to help him with the child had pushed him to go anyway. He knew that he should at least meet you before making up his mind on the matter, especially since you were a close friend of Cara’s.
When he did finally meet you, the first thing he noticed about you was how small you were compared to him. He practically towered over your own form, and he almost felt like a giant when standing before you that day. The next thing he noticed was your smile. It was one of the sweetest ones he had ever seen, dripping with kindness and brightening the room in an instant. Din had immediately known from that moment on that he never wanted to stop seeing that smile of yours.
Yes. Din Djarin—one of the most feared warriors in the Galaxy—had effectively begun to fall in love with you all thanks to a simple smile.
Overtime with you working on the Razor Crest, he had started to learn more about you and who you were as a person. He had seen how kind and patient you were, watching from afar as you looked after the child like he was your own. He admired your brilliance and found himself in awe at hearing you laugh. Everything about you was amazing in his eyes and each new thing he learned made him want to know more.
These discoveries had only solidified his growing feelings towards you, making his drop of infatuation develop into a full blown crush all too soon. He had found himself feeling things he had never felt before for another person—things he thought he wouldn’t ever feel.
At first your affection between one another came in small waves. Sometimes it was only a simple brush of the fingers or a touch of the shoulder. Other times it was a gentle compliment or flirtatious praise. Each one allowing your feelings for one another to grow more and more with every passing day.
Admittedly, he wasn’t the greatest with flirting, and at times he felt awkward when he tried to flirt with you. He had never really had the chance to experience a love like this—one that was soft and kind—making it completely foregin to him. Although, he had found himself desperately craving it and he wanted to confess these feelings of his to you. He wanted to be with and loved by you more than anything, though he never thought it would ever happen.
Stuff like that just didn’t happen for a man like himself.
Eventually Din had let it slip by mistake the one day. He had said it so simply and nonchalantly that he hadn’t even caught himself saying it. The realization of his accidental confession only came to be, when you had stared at him in shock and questioned him on what he had just said. Instantly, his cheeks had warmed with a blush, the next words leaving him turning into a muddled heap. He had tried to back track on what he had said, afraid of having just ruined the still developing relationship between you two.
Though the smile you wore on your face had made him pause his frantic rambling. Soon finding himself once again feeling lost while gazing at your captivating smile. His trance only breaking when the words that had left you caused for his own smile to form on his cheeks.
“Din I love you too.”
From there on out, you two were a couple through and through. Nothing could ever seem to get in between you two. You both were supportive with one another, and always seemed to have the other person's back. The relationship you had together appeared to be a perfect one, and it was something he cherished everyday.
Well, that was until he had noticed you suddenly acting differently around him.
Din could tell something was on your mind. He could see it in how you walked and noticed it in your unfocused gaze. You had started to look away from him in passing, sometimes avoiding him all together, your usual bright smile now missing completely.
The sight of you so down had made him feel worried and concerned. He didn’t like seeing you so upset all the time and he wanted you to feel comfortable enough with telling him things. Although, he really had no idea of how to bring this up to you, as he wasn’t well versed when it came to addressing these types of things.
For most of his life, he hadn’t been the most emotionally invested person. He had built up walls around himself, choosing to lock away his feelings in order to protect what was left of his already shattered heart. So when it came to talking or comforting someone, he found himself at a loss of words, unsure of what to say or what to do.
So, he didn’t say anything, instead choosing to comfort you through small gestures. Sometimes it was something simple, like buying your favourite snack at the market or leaving little notes for you around the ship. Other times it was through him taking the child off your hands for the day, or even staying in bed a little longer to cuddle with you in the morning.
Din knew that when you were ready to talk to him that you would. It didn’t matter how long he had to wait. All that mattered to him was you feeling comfortable and ready when you did. Until then, he would continue to support you the best way he could and knew how to.
“Din?” your quiet voice spoke to him one day, briefly pulling his attention away from the crate he had been rummaging through, “I need to tell you something.”
Hearing those words from you had instantly caused the man to completely pause what he was doing, turning to give you his full attention, “of course cyar’ika, what is it?”
Din had watched silently as you shifted awkwardly on the spot. His fingers twitching with the need to cup your cheek and comfort you away from whatever was currently clouding your mind. His heart had ached at your worried expression, and he soon found himself taking a step towards you, only to pause again when you had finally spoken again.  
“I’m asexual.” You had said, biting your lip as you did,  “I… it means that I don’t feel a need to have sex.”
Din had blinked in surprise, tilting his head in wonder as he continued to stare at you silently. He wasn’t expecting for you to say something like that in the slightest, though he felt a bubble of relief roll through him at the realization of your words.  
“Is that what you’ve been worried about lately?”
“Yes? I mean… of course I was worried!” You said, tears forming at the corner of your eyes, “I was scared that you’d want to break up or leave me because of it.”
“I would never leave you over something like this!” Din had said quickly, his heart dropping at your words and at the sight of the tears leaving you, “I love you more than anything! I would never even consider ending things over this.”
“Really? So you don’t mind?”  
“Why would I mind?” he said, titling his head as he looked down at you again, “I mean… You being asexual doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“I… Din are you sure?”
“I’m more than sure.” He affirmed, taking your hands in his as he spoke, “Cyar’ika you’re one of the most important people in my life. I don’t know what I would ever do without you. You’re the most beautiful and wonderful person I know. And I love every bit of you. From your laugh, to your smile, and everything in between. I… Cyar’ika what I’m trying to say is that I love you because you’re you.”
“Really?”
Din had nodded, smiling softly beneath the helmet and brushing away some of your tears, “You being asexual doesn’t change who you are to me, nor does it change the fact that I love you. Cyar’ika you are everything to me and I only wish for you to be comfortable and happy.”
After those words he had pressed his forehead against yours, more small praises leaving his lips in hushed whispers as he did. His compliments were like music to your ears, his soft voice becoming a blanket of love and affection that held you close in its warmth. A few more tears had fallen from your eyes as you felt yourself relax in his arms, allowing for yourself to be swept away in his soothing presence.
“I’m glad you told me.” He had said, pulling back slightly to lock his gaze properly with your own, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide those things from me. We’re partners and I’m always going to be here to support you Cyar’ika.”
Hearing his words had brought a small smile to your face, and you sniffled quietly while looking up at him, “Thank you Din, for always being so kind and being there for me.”
“You don’t need to thank me cyar’ika,” He said lovingly, as his one hand moved to cup your cheek to brush his thumb against your skin again, “I love you so much and I’m just happy to have you in my life.”
In an instant you had thrown your arms around him, hugging him tightly and burying your face into his chest, “I love you too Din, and I’m happy to have you in my life as well.”
The Mandalorian had hummed in response now, his arms wrapping around you again as he rested his chin on the top of your head. He had held you like that for a while, allowing for the whispers of sweet praises and comforting words to leave his modulator once more. The rest of the evening would be spent with you two together, happy and excitedly looking forward to what the future held for the both of you as a couple.
----
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willowbird · 3 years ago
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For the prompt game — could you do AU 1, trope 8, location 2 for Andreil? I always love reading these, thanks for sharing!
Grad School, return of the childhood best friend, inside Andrew's closet!!! Thank you so much for sending in the ask I'm glad you're enjoying the little ficlets and I hope you like this one too!
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Tall people were a curse. A blight on all of society. Civilization would undoubtedly crumble under the obnoxious stomping of their huge feet and the polar ice caps would melt at least in part due to the heat from their big fat heads.
Also, all the tall fuckers in Andrew's cohort were constantly putting things in places Andrew couldn't reach, especially when it came to the supply closet off of the office the group of them communally used. It had gotten to the point that Andrew had taken full command of the ordering and organization of all their supplies. Last month he had even gone so far as to print out and laminate a full-color sign for the closet that read: NO ONE ABOVE 5'3 PERMITTED. SEE ANDREW J MINYARD FOR ALL SUPPLY RETRIEVAL.
The only reason he'd given the extra few inches at all was because Robin, the undergrad TA that assisted in one of his classes, sometimes helped him out and she was a whole three inches taller than him. It was enough of a restriction that it barred the rest of his cohort from intruding, though, as even Renee was a solid 5'8.
Or at least, it should have been an effective restriction. Andrew had thought the rest of his team could read well enough to get the goddamn message. Then he showed up this morning and the fucking closet door was open and where was the box of printer ink he'd ordered last week?
That's right, on the top fucking shelf.
When Andrew figured out which idiotic fucking beanpole had decided to pull this shit with him there was going to be hell to pay. He would raid his cat's litter box for ammunition if he had to.
For the moment, though, he needed to replace the ink in both printers. Which was why he was balancing precariously on the arms of the only non-rolly chair on the goddamn floor, straining to reach the box of ink and quietly promising to take an extra dose of revenge out of each and every person over 5'3 if he fell.
Which he almost did when a sharp knock suddenly echoed a bit too loud from directly behind him.
"Jesus fuck what is wrong with y--" Andrew cut off abruptly as he looked over his shoulder to see who had dared come up behind him at a time like this. He blinked, then he fully closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. When the man before him was still fucking there, Andrew twisted slightly and jumped down, letting his ass hit the seat as he overbalanced on the landing.
"Um... hi."
It had been almost ten years since Andrew had heard that voice. Ten years. In that time Neil had gone from being a scrawny, anxious kid to... well...
Vivid blue eyes stared at him steadily, winged with eyeliner that only made them brighter. His dark russet-auburn hair was shaved close to his head on the sides but long enough on the top that he'd gathered it back in a loose bun, which only emphasized the perfect angles of his face and the soft give of his mouth, the way his chin carved down to a point as if to frame it, drawing the eye.
"Andrew? I didn't mean to surprise you. Well, I did, that's why I didn't tell you I was coming. I didn't mean to almost make you fall off a chair though..."
Neil clicked a tongue-piercing against his teeth. It flashed silver for a moment, matching the two bars that bisected his left eyebrow. Purple studs and a line of tiny hoops trailed up each ear.
Andrew stared, then he did the only rational thing and reached forward, grabbing the doorknob and slamming it shut with himself inside the closet.
His heart was fucking pounding, and he knew his face was flushed because, look. Look. Neil Josten at fourteen years old had been a scrawny kid with big ears and a chipped tooth that was always covered in bruises and Andrew had been so fucking in love with him. All he ever wanted to do as a baby gay was kiss Neil Josten. Thought about it all the time. But that had been off the table because Neil was his best friend and probably asexual and also literally trying to survive. When Neil moved to the other side of the fucking planet to be with his uncle, Andrew had told himself that this was a good thing because 1) Neil would be safe and 2) if there was distance between them then Andrew could finally get over him.
Over the last ten years they'd exchanged regular letters, but because Neil was a fucking technophobe and there may or may not have been an actual hit from actual hitmen and gangsters and shit on him over here in the states - they hadn't spoken on the phone and no pictures had been shared.
And now here was Neil. Almost twenty-four and... so so fucking hot.
There was a soft knock on the door, followed by a quiet, anxious, "Andrew..?" that sounded a lot more like the Neil Andrew remembered.
"Um... should I go? I'm sorry... I thought... I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'll go..."
"No!" The word escaped him before he had time to really think about it. He was pretty sure his voice cracked a little in his desperation too. Shit. Andrew cleared his throat and tried again. "Just... wait. I.. need to get ink."
"Okay."
Andrew did his best not to read into the mystery in Neil's tone. Instead, he thanked the closet gods and carefully climbed back up onto the chair. Another couple of minutes later he had the ink he needed and was facing a coming out he really never anticipated having to go through. Coming out of the closet to your best friend was one thing. Coming out of the literal, actual closet you have shut yourself in to reunite with your super hot best friend that you've been in love with for over a decade at this point was quite another.
Ripping the band-aid off was really the only way to go, so Andrew took a deep breath, put his free hand on the knob, and opened the door.
Neil had repositioned himself and was now leaning against the nearest desk. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows exposing strong forearms decorated with swirls of dark ink. Three fingers on each hand bore rings (not the ring fingers, not that Andrew was specifically looking) and his nails were painted a dark, glossy gray. Around one wrist was a frayed bracelet that perfectly matched the one Andrew also wore on the same wrist.
As soon as Neil saw him, he lit up. A smile on his face that shined in his eyes, even if there was a slight hesitance to it - understandable considering Andrew had just.. you know... shut himself in a closet after seeing him.
"Hey... Sorry again, about that. I know you don't like to be startled. I just... I got excited."
Andrew swallowed, a tough feat with a throat so dry. Somehow, he managed a snort. "Like a puppy. Should I be worried about my floors, Josten?"
"I dunno, you gonna scratch me behind the ears?" Neil shot back, and the smirk that accompanied it was fucking devastating. That's is, Andrew gave up. He lost. Dead, he was dead. There was no way he was getting out of this one.
Andrew did the only thing he could do to keep himself from grabbing the little bastard and kissing him senseless, which was ask the big question hanging in the room between them.
"How are you here, Neil? I thought you'd never be able to come back to American soil."
Neil rubbed the back of his neck, like he was thinking of the best way to explain it. After a moment he said, "Uncle Stuart still doesn't think it's a great idea - but there's no price on my head anymore. As of last month we cleared out the last of... well, let's just call them the old bad guys. There are new bad guys, but they don't really care about me."
It took a moment for that to fully sink in. Andrew set down the ink on the desk and moved to stand directly in front of Neil. When Neil stood up straight, they were almost exactly the same height - Neil only really had a few inches on him. At least he hadn't been lying to make him feel better when he'd told him in a letter a few years back that he'd topped out at 5'3.
"So? Don't you have a whole new life over in jolly old England now? Friends and family who don't regularly try to kill you? Why come back at all?"
He knew why, but he wanted - he needed - to hear him say it.
"Yeah, but... they aren't you."
"Me."
"Yeah, Andrew. You."
Their eyes met. Something in Andrew's chest snapped like an overworked rubber band stretched too taut and all the carefully sequestered feelings it had been keeping at bay suddenly sprang forth like a tidal wave. They rushed through him, filling him up, buoying him until he probably could have reached the top shelf of that goddamn closet without the chair.
"I hate you," Andrew ground out. And Neil smiled, because he knew it wasn't true.
"I missed you, Andrew. I missed you so fucking much."
"Shut up, stupid." Andrew forced himself to take a deep breath, then he snatched up Neil's hand and started dragging him out of the office. "Come on. We're getting ice cream."
Neil laughed and squeezed his hand. "Some things never change."
No, Andrew thought, some things never do.
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spaceorphan18 · 3 years ago
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Someone needs to put you in your place because you are absolutely disgusting and creepy. you’re a cishet woman who’s pushing 40 and has this fetish for men kissing (i’m gay and saying the way you talk about it feels like that). ranking the “hottest klaine kisses” is really gross when you’re a cishet woman in your late 30s and these men were in their TWENTIES. and this brings me to my next point: why are you talking about how hot chris colfer was when he was twenty two? and 21? thats barely an adult and someone your age shouldnt be attracted to him especially when he looks really young for his age. mentioning that “theres no nakedness, unfortunately” in the “naked” is once again disgusting. because why do you wanna see a 22 year old naked? and don’t try pulling the “it was a joke” card or saying you weren’t serious. because that’s not something that should be joked about. and just all the posts about them having sex is really weird too.
i also saw your post where you said you saw chris at his book signing in 2017. why do you think it’s okay to look down his shirt like that you weirdo? that’s so creepy and gross and also textbook sexual harassment. yeah i cant believe you were thinking about that in a room full of kids either. if you’re so self aware of your own creepiness maybe you should try to do something about that. and learn to look at men your age.
Wow! You definitely put me in my place. [sarcasm]  You know you’ve become a BNF when you start to get this kinda shit in your inbox.  
*pinches nose* - maybe it’s time to close up the Ask box, because I am too old to deal with this shit. 
So - first of all, hello wank -- this is what it looks like guys, and the only reason I’m not deleting and blocking it right off is because I feel like there are a few points that do need to be addressed.  But any more in the inbox is an automatic deletion.  You’ve been warned. 
1. Believe it or not, I don’t consider myself straight.  I’ve, for a long time, labeled myself as demisexual.  Which is, a form of asexuality. And if you’ve been on my blog for any length of time - you would know that, I talk about that all the time.  On top of that -- something that relatively few people know, because I don’t talk about my sexuality very often, is that I consider myself open.  It’s loosely bisexual - but I’m not big on labels.  
But the fact that I have to say that doesn’t excuse the level of judgment that is coming from this ask.  Anyone’s sexuality is not your business -- it’s not what defines a person, and you shouldn’t be using your own sexuality to be the arbiter of what’s right and/or wrong in any community.  
2. Your commentary about how women over a certain age should fandom is misguided, misogynistic, factually wrong in some cases, and quite frankly deserves a whole other post that I’m not going to write up here.  But in short -- discussing sex and sexuality within works of fiction is completely valid.  Discussing and enjoying fictional characters, especially in the privacy of your own home? Also completely valid.  
However, since it clearly makes you feel uncomfortable, maybe you should seek out to figure out why that is.  
3. The thing that really, really gets me, though, is the stuff about the book signing and meeting Chris in person.  This is WAY over the line -- because you do not know me, or what or why Chris means something to me.  You don’t.  It has nothing to do with how he looks or that he’s gay -- and I’ve never said anything of the such when talking about meeting him (the numerous amount of times I’ve met him).  Nor did I look down his shirt -- what?? 
So the fact that you have the audacity to come into my inbox and tell me how to fandom, and to tell me how to feel about someone who has literally changed my life in a positive way that has zero to do with any kind of fetishizing or physical attributes is simply wrong, ignorant, and reactionary.  
You can kindly get the fuck off my blog and not come back.  
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ezrasarm · 4 years ago
Text
Coming Out As Asexual/Aspec
Pairings: Javier Pena x reader, Marcus Pike x reader, Din Djarin x reader, Ezra x reader, Frankie Morales x reader
Word count: 2.3K (oops)
Warnings: discussions of sexuality, depictions of main characters as Aspec
A/n: I apologize these were meant to be head canons and a few of them wound up turning into mini fics. I would like to thank @dishonouringmycow for supplying many ideas and helping me concoct these for you and @kiss-evans for her insight as well. These were a lot of fun to write! We’ve written these HCs in hopes that they will be inclusive and relatable to most ace/demi-/greysexual folks and anyone in between. We hope you like them!
[masterlist]
Javier Peña
Telling Javi is a little tricky.
Given the time period, and the fact that asexuality was hardly a word let alone a widely accepted concept, Javier didn’t stand a chance when you went about explaining to him your “unconventional” relationship with sexual attraction.
You didn’t even fully understand it yourself at that point which is why you were terrified when you felt you owed him an explanation for turning him down.
You and Javi had been dancing around each other since pretty much the moment you landed in Bogata.
You knew you cared about him more than the average coworker and Steve didn’t hesitate to tease either of you mercilessly for it with every chance he got.
But there was a reason you had been avoiding acting on those feelings you harboured for him and a reason you were so terrified when he reciprocated them.
Silence overwhelms the small stakeout vehicle when you tell him.
He doesn’t get it.
“Oh.”
The disappointment that pours off of him is palpable.
This really wasn’t the reaction he was expecting to the heartfelt confession he had mustered up the courage for only moments ago.
“Javi,” You sigh, “It’s not like that. It’s not personal. I don’t feel attracted to anyone that way.” You reiterate but he still seems convinced that this is just an elaborate attempt to spare his feelings.
“You don’t have to do that, you know? You don’t have to let me down easy.”
“That’s not what this is. I really just don’t operate that way.”
You had seen the girls coming and going from his apartment across the hall. You knew how he chose to blow off steam after stressful days at work and you knew you couldn’t keep up with that.
“I don’t think I can be there for you like you want me to.”
It takes a moment for it to dawn on him what you mean and you think he finally takes the hint when another ‘oh’ escapes him.
“I don’t need-“ He starts up but cuts himself off when you give him a pointed look.
“I really, really wanted this to work.” He says after what feels like hours of you discussing all the reasons you would wind up resenting each other if you went down that path. All the fears you had of starting something up with him.
“Me too.” You hum solemnly when you deflate to lean into his side and rest your head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
He’s quick to shake his head and whisper a quiet “Don’t apologize.” When he wraps an arm around you and places a kiss to the top of your head.
You both walk away from that stakeout with heavy hearts but lighter shoulders and although it takes some time to heal you learn to show how much you care about each other in different ways.
Now he slings an arm around your shoulders when you’re getting unwanted attention on a night out.
You stay up drinking with him so he doesn’t have to brood alone after a particularly tiring day.
Soft touches and reassuring words come easier between you two.
Most importantly you’re both happy and you haven’t lost each other.
Marcus Pike
Marcus is a little less clueless.
He knows Asexuality exists and has a vague sense of what it is, he just doesn’t know a whole lot about it.
There’s not much pressure when you tell him.
It comes as a bit of a disclaimer early in your relationship and you try not to make a big deal of it. You just want to make sure that he’s aware as your relationship progresses.
Marcus, ever the sweet and compassionate boyfriend is attentive and understanding as you speak.
The words that seem to stick out in his mind come at the only point when the slightest bit of doubt weens it’s way into your voice, “I just wanted to make sure that that’s- that I’m enough for you.”
His heart stops and he’s overcome by a feeling of both shock and sorrow that you could ever think such a thing of yourself.
“Of course. Of course, you’re enough.”
“You’re more than enough. You’re… you’re everything.”
What you don’t see is the way that after this conversation he finds himself wracking up more and more questions that he’s too scared to ask you. Not because he’s afraid of the answer but because he doesn’t want to overstep or make you uncomfortable.
So naturally, he turns to the next best thing.
The internet.
What he fails to realize is how broad a spectrum of asexuality there is and all he gets is more and more confused.
Marcus accidentally develops a following on Aspec Reddit forums for trying to ask people questions and them all just going “aww, Hun” at this poor clueless bean and swooning over how much he cares about you.
Despite the enthusiasm and volume of their responses, they don’t really add much clarity beyond “Hey, maybe you should ask your SO”
Instead, he runs around treating you like glass while he tries to buck up the courage to actually talk to you about it until on a movie night as he awkwardly tries to contort himself around you so he’s cuddling you… without touching you, you finally snap.
“Marcus! What is going on?”
That’s when he finally and rather sheepishly admits that he wants you to tell him more about your sexuality.
“Oh.”
You pause the movie and give him your full attention as you try and talk him through as much as you’re able to explain until suddenly you’re stuck for an answer and you look up at him with rather watery eyes as you admit you have no idea and suddenly you’re the one having the existential crisis.
“Oh, oh no. It’s alright, we can figure it out together! Shhh, it’s all fine. Please don’t cry! Reddit didn’t tell me this would happen!”
“Who-ddit?”
Din Djarin
Coming out to Din is rather anticlimactic.
He doesn’t have much to say beyond “Okay.”
You’re a little confused at first.
That went… too well.
It’s a while later when he brings it up again that you begin to realize why.
There’s no hesitation or taboo, he’s quite straight forward when he asks why you were so nervous.
At first, you’re not so sure what to say. Wasn’t that kind of obvious?
“Not everyone takes it so well.” You shrug thinking back to past relationships where your partners seemed to expect you to give them more than you were willing to.
You could practically see the gears turning behind his visor and it’s only now that you connect the dots and his reaction from before seems to add up.
To him, that was the norm.
It makes sense the more you think about it.
In all the time you had spent travelling with him, all the objectively beautiful women, men and everyone else in between that had crossed your paths, all the slurs that had been thrown at him by drunkards in cantinas about how he fucks with all that armour on, all the rather compromising situations you had found yourself in with him before and you had never caught his gaze wander or heard him express any indication of interest in yourself or anyone in that way.
You had always put it down to his creed. As far as you were aware such things were forbidden for people of his faith but you’re left with an odd sense of comfort as you realized that wasn’t the case.
Perhaps this was his strange little way of letting you know you weren’t alone.
Ezra
When you met Ezra you were prepared for the worst.
A guy as cocky and loquacious as him and you just trying to keep your head down in the busy bar and enjoy your drink in peace after a rough day.
You didn’t have high hopes when he swung into the booth across from you and started down whatever elaborate story he had decided would impress you enough to get you into bed.
“It’s my missing appendage, isn’t it?” he asks when you quite clearly don’t bite.
He’s already moving to leave you be when your eyebrows knit together in confusion and your eyes blow wide as you’re hit with a sudden wave of guilt.
You had grown used to deflecting advances like this but something about the way he said it, the bold, charismatic man suddenly looking like a kicked puppy made your guts churn.
You didn’t normally give an explanation, you didn’t feel you owed anyone that, especially not a stranger and yet here you were.
“What? No! No, I actually think you’re very good looking and charming and all those things people look for in a partner, I’m just not particularly one for casual hookups.” You say looking around the room where you now felt wildly out of place with just about all of its inhabitants presumably looking to get laid or trying to forget someone they couldn’t do so with.
“...Or any hookups really.” You correct yourself and watch as the disappointed look on his face morphs into a glint of curiosity.
“You a uh- a spade?” He asks resettling into the booth, an oblivious smile settling on his cheeks when you laugh at him.
You spend until last-call deeply enthralled in conversation and comforted by one another’s company.
That’s all either of you were here for in the first place, to feel a little less lonely.
You’re only pried apart by the closing of the bar, the nag of sleep hot on your heels and the promise that this wouldn’t be the last you saw of each other.
Frankie Morales
Frankie knew you were asexual.
You had told him before, he just didn’t entirely understand what that meant until much later on.
He seemed familiar with the term but his knowledge of the concept didn’t seem to extend beyond a basic definition.
Frankie’s first wife was his first for a lot of things. First girlfriend, first kiss, first love, first lover, first breakup.
He took the divorce pretty hard, as anyone would.
They’d gotten married so young, before he was deployed, that the guys had never seen him single before and neither had he really.
It took a long time for him to recover and by then he was content. ‘not in a particularly big rush to start down the relationship path and get hurt again’ is how he had phrased it to you once in confidence.
But another factor that he failed to recognize fully at the time was that he just hadn’t found anyone he was interested in in that way.
He’d tried going on a couple of dates but none of them clicked and it just left him feeling more alone.
It was after Tom died, almost five years after his divorce that the guys finally called him on it.
At first they just assumed the way he had been acting was about Tom and in a sense it was, Tom was the only one who had been through a divorce before, he was the only one who really understood and talked him through it when the going got tough.
Will was the one to put the pieces together and realize that the issue wasn’t Tom so much as Frankie getting more and more tired of being on his own.
His intentions were well meaning. They were just trying to help.
All they wanted was to see him happy but the more the boys seemed to try and set him up, the more resistance they were met with and even Frankie couldn’t figure out why until he was sat, venting to you about it one night.
“How did you know you were ace?” He blurts out suddenly and you’re a little lost for words, you weren’t really expecting this conversation to go this way but it was obviously something he had been considering for a while.
“Sorry that wasn’t a fair question,” He says when he notices you’re struggling, “I just- they keep trying to set me up with, who I’m sure are some really great people, but it’s all on this little tiny screen and all you see are a couple photos and maybe a blurb if you’re lucky and there’s just no…”
“Connection?” You suggest. Those big puppy eyes shoot up to you from where they were fixed on the counter in front of him and he gives you a slight nod.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He sighs and your heart breaks a little looking at him like that before you round the counter and pull him into a hug. “I’ve felt attraction before but I look at the guys and it feels like it takes so much more for me to get to that point than them.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you.” You assure him gently, brushing your fingers through his hair when you pull away to give him a reassuring smile. “Sounds like you could be on the asexuality spectrum.”
“There’s a spectrum?”
[masterlist]
Permanent Taglist: @agirllovespancakes @chaoticspaceidiot @engineeredfiction @pedropascalito @dreamgirl-67 @wickedfrsgrl @hillarymurray4 @din-damn-djarin @yespolkadotkitty @wille-zarr @oloreaa @browneyes-djarin @marydjarin @roxypeanut @opheliaelysia @cryptkeepersoul @prxtty-boah @aliciaxglasgow @elena-myth @theocatkov @bioticgoddess @edencherries @kandomeresbitch @mrsparknuts @hayley-the-comet @rachelxwayne @thirstworldproblemss @andriecastana @justanotherblonde23
Pedro Boys Taglist: @theravenreads @mrschiltoncat @seasonschange-butpeopledont @dishonouringmycow @deafspaceperson 
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91percentpynch · 3 years ago
Text
jean moreau x pride months
happy pride month kids, here‘s some wholesome jerejean content for your soul!! does this make any sense? no. is it a mess? yes. hope you enjoy this!!
the first pride month
it‘s the beginning of june and jeremy starts acting weird
he smiles more, the real smile normally reserved for winning an exy game or when he‘s alone with jean
he started drawing flags on his face or on his eye lids, jeremy never wore make-up, not more than his usual eyeliner and nail polish
„what does that mean?“, jean asks, pointing at the flags on his cheeks.
„the pink, yellow, blue one means i‘m pan. you know, i like more than one gender, i told you that already. and the grey, purple, white and black one that looks like an arrow? that means i‘m demisexual, you know how i only feel sexual attraction to people i have a bond with? that‘s demisexual. those are pride flags, it‘s pride month. didn‘t you know that?“
of course jean didn‘t know, after all he was locked up in a bassement for 10 years and he didn‘t exactly talk the first time he came over here last year at the end of june.
„what‘s pride month?“, jean asked softly, knowing that jeremy would never judge him, never think he was stupid.
„it‘s a month for lgbtqa+ folks. that stands for lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender, questioning, asexuals, aromantics and everything inbetween. we celebrate ourselves this month, show how proud we are of ourselves and our community. we celebrate marsh johnson, the black transgender, gay sex worker who started the riots, stonewell, and basically threw a brick at a police officer and started the fight for gay rights“
„how do you know you‘re not straight?“, jean asked quietly. thinking about the way his mind keeps wandering back to jeremy, keeps wandering back to the thought of kissing him, holding his hand, the feeling of his soft, badly dyed ginger hair between his fingers.
„well i always payed more attention to the personality, than the gender. i never really cared what‘s between the legs. and it took me quite a while to figure out that i only feel sexual attraction to people when i have a connection to them“
„have you ever kissed a guy?“, jean asked, curiously now. in the nest it was forbidden, but kevin wanted to try it once, in the dark of the night, the saftey of their room. jean couldn‘t tell if he enjoyed it or not, he never really felt any kind of attraction really. only bone deep fear. burning anger. and whatever the fuck his heart was doing when kevin held him close.
„yeah, i had a boyfriend throughout highschool, sophmore year until the end of summer of our senior year. and then freshman year of college i had this girlfriend who was really controlling and yeah. that‘s it. have you?“, his voice was soft, it reminded jean of the sunlight forming some kind of halo behind jeremy.
„kevin wanted to try it once. riko caught us. that‘s how it began“, jean replied, a shadow crossing over both his and jeremy‘s face. in a moment of weakness, at the beginning, jean told jeremy what they did to him in the nest, after jeremy accidentally touched him from behind.
„do you want to try it again?“, jeremy asked, a small smile on his lips. „with me, that is“, he added, barely audible.
„okay“, jean replied, leaning in.
jean was a couple inches taller than jeremy, and jeremy had to stand on his tiptoes to close the last few inches between them.
it was a soft kiss, a different than the stolen ones from kevin. better. these tasted like sunlight, like warmth, like home.
jean kissed jeremy back. carefully, softly, being scared he would break him, destroy him with his darkness.
„how was it?“, jeremy smiled at him after they were done, exchanging kisses, not stealing them. they were equals, no one would hurt him for wanting this
„i think i‘m only attracted to you“, jean admitted quietly. „but like not sexually. i don‘t like sex. never did. i never thought anyone was sexually attractive, i never wanted this and i still don‘t. i‘m sorry“
„you don‘t have to apologize, jean. that‘s being called asexual, the lack of sexual attraciton that is. and the not wanting sex part? sex repulsed. very valid. i will never be like them, i will never force you to do anyhting you‘re not comfortable with“
„and what if you miss having sex and want it and i can‘t give it to you?“, jean asked, tears burning behind his eyes. „i‘m not worth of your light, your warmth, your love as it is. i‘m broken, i‘m dark, i‘m everything you don‘t deserve. you deserve someone who is fixed and happy and can give you the entire world and go places without a panic attack and and and“
„ssh, jean. it‘s alright. it‘s alright. i want you. no one but you. i really, really like you and i am glad you like me to. you‘re not broken, you‘re not dark. you are wonderful. and no one is fixed, we‘re all a little broken in our own ways. i struggled with an eating disorder. i have adhd. sometimes i feel a little sad without any reason and can‘t get out of bed. sometimes i can‘t sleep and other days i could sleep for days. i don‘t need the entire world, i just need you“
it was this june, about a year after jean arrived in california, that he not only found a person who saw more in him than his scars, but a person who loved him not despite of them but for them
the second pride month
it‘s been a year since jean and jeremy kissed for the first time. a year full of highs and lows, fights and making up, miscommunication and cuddles, sweet kisses and ones tasting of tears. but it was also the year jean figured out that he might not be a boy after all.
„do you ever feel like you‘re not a entirely a boy?“, jean asked softly, threading his fingers through jeremy‘s soft blonde hair.
„dude, i‘m genderfluid, remember? alvarez bursted in our room and threw these in our face so people could refer to me with the right pronouns“
„that‘s why you changed your middle name to sol isn‘t it? because you like the sun and you like your hispanic heritage and it‘s a female name?“
„exactamente mi corazón“
„what are you today?“, jean asked softly, as he did every day.
„they/them, i don‘t feel like a guy or a girl today. just vibing“
„i- i think i‘m not entirely a boy either. like i know i was born as a boy and i‘m okay with that. but i feel like there‘s more to that. i can‘t put it in words but i think i want to try to go by he/ they. what do you call those people who don‘t quite find in the binary? i think i‘m that“
„that‘s nonbinary darling. i‘m proud of you. you‘re doing great“
jean didn‘t know how to repeat to that so he just decided to pull jeremy closer to him.
this pride month jean found a little part of himself, another puzzle piece to the mystery that his own person and it felt like a tiny little step towards a future he never dreamt he would have.
it was also the month he started wearing nail polish, because he loved the look on jeremy‘s face when they did them. occasionally he will wear some eyeliner.
the third pride month
another year passed, this year jean got himself a support dog. to help with the anxiety attacks. to help him heal.
it‘s a dalmatiner, called luna. she was trained to feel when he is uncomfortable and come closer to him, licking his hands, being close, being there
it is also the month he wanted to join jeremy for pride
„what are you today?“
„a girl i think. jeremy or sol are both fine“
„will you draw the flags on my face?“, he asked on the day of the parade.
„are you sure you want to go honey?“, sol asked softy, while she went to the bathroom to get her things.
„would i have asked if it wasn‘t moi amour?“, jean replied. „wait hold on, don‘t answer that“, he laughed looking at jeremy‘s face.
„but i‘m sure. first of all it makes you happy. second of all you missed it the last two years. third of all it will piss kevin off and i love that almost as much as i love. and lastly i have luna, she makes sure i‘m fine and i can always leave when i feel uncomfortable“
„okay, babe. what do you want me to do?“
„i want my flags on my face and maybe you can do my nails“, jean replied, smiling at jeremy as he did ever so often. „cover the tatoo, will you?“, he asked softly, touching the cursed three, counting the days for his cover up appointment in july.
„it‘s soon gone honey. it‘s gonna be alright“, jeremy whispered, feeling the tension in jean‘s shoulders.
„which color do you want your nails? mine are pastel rainbow look! alvarez got me those for my birthday last month! do you want matching nails?“
„whatever you want darling, you can choose“
„neat!“
this year jeremy‘s hair were a soft pink. it was 2 am when he bursted into the room whisper shouting „jean i‘m gay i must do something drastic to my hair. help me?“ and who was jean to question his beautiful date mate.
so jeremy took jean‘s face carefully in his hands, starting to draw jean‘s pride flags (demiromantic, asexual, nonbinary) on his face, hiding his tattoo underneath the black/ white/grey/ purple stripes of the asexual pride flag.
„they have no power over you anymore mi corazón. and if anyone gives you shit i will come for them“, jeremy whisperes against jean‘s lips before softly kissing them. „and now give me your beautiful hands so i can do your nails. i‘m feeling a pastel rainbow“
for the parade jean is wearing one of the shirts jeremy got him. it‘s yellow with a rainbow on it. „so you have a little brightness in your life“, he would tell him when he go it for him. it was before they started dating. it was before jean was able to tell him „but you are the brightest thing in the world and somehow you chose me as your person“, paired with light blue ripped jeans and his yellow fans. they started wearing yellow when they came to california, cutting off black completely, replacing it with colors and brightness.
jeremy on the other hand wore rainbow dungarees with a white shirt and white doc martens. his hair was up in two space buns, little pride flags put into them.
„do you think they get the hint?“, she smiled with a blinding smile.
„you‘re so unbelieveably beautiful sol“, jean replied.
they got luna and went to the parade.
it was scary, yes. but it was also beautiful.
people approaching them, asking for selfies, talking to him.
at first he was a bit anxious, but sol took their hand and luna licked his feet and it was alright. no one was hurting him. no one would punish him. he was surrounded by pride and love and happiness.
at some point he asked a girl with rainbow hair, she reminded him of renee, if she could take a picture of him and jeremy. she said yes, took one of them smiling, one of them kissing, and one of them where jeremy just smiled at his person.
it was the pride month he came out via social media. it was the pride month kevin called at two am, telling him how happy he was for them. that he himself found a boy, fell for him, but is too much a coward to do something about it. it‘s the year where he gets a lot of love, many fans telling him how proud they are of him and at least the same amount of hate. but it was alright. they had jeremy and that was all that truly mattered.
now
year after year they returned to the pride parade, with flags on their faces, or around their shoulders
sometimes neil and andrew or aaron and kevin would join them, sometimes they would go with laila and alvarez and sometimes jean and jeremy would go on their own
after college jean quit exy, jeremy went pro and gave his money to moriyamas, while jean opened his own tattoo studio, wrote songs, wrote crappy poetry and slightly better novels, tried himself as a part time model and fashion designer
they found happiness and home in each other and celebrated their love not only in pride but also every single day of the year
jean and jeremy got more dogs, an apartment of their own with big windows so they could watch the sunrise and sunset together
they have their ups and downs, like every other couple, but that doesn‘t matter. never did. what truly matters is that they keep finding back to each other. that they keep ending up in the same bed, in each others arms.
jean moreau never believed in love, never believed in soulmates and yet he found their soulmate, found the love of his life. and they are happy they stayed, kept fighting, to find this. to make a difference to the world. to be finally free. to be alive, living instead of only existing.
„jean?“, jermey says, fidgeting with his fingers.
„what is it moi soleil?“, jean relies getting lost in these ocean blue eyes.
„do you remember what happened five years ago?“, jeremy asks, his eyes looking anywhere but jean.
„we kissed for the first time?“, jean answers, panic slowly crawling through his veins.
„exactly so i thought we could celebrate this at the beach. you know, where our first date was?“, jeremy says nervously.
„honey are you alrighgt?“, jean is getting more and more worried, jeremy has never been that nervous.
„sure, come on mi corazón“
so jean slowly gets up and carefully puts on his shoes. something is weird here, something is wrong
jeremy seems off the entire ride to the beach they had their first date at.
when they arrive jean takes jeremy‘s hand, noticing that they are shaking ever so slightly. it is something like a nervous tick of them.
jean and jeremy arrive at the beach in time to watch the sun setting, making place for her lover the moon.
jean looks over to jeremy, when they suddenly get up and start pacing.
„jer, you‘re scaring me. please tell me what‘s going on up there“, jean says touching his head lightly.
„okay. i can do this“, jeremy mumbles as he gets down on his knee. „jean moreau, you are the love of my life. the light of my existence. ever since i saw you for the first time i knew i liked you, more than i was supposed to. i never dared to hope you would ever like me, or love me for that matter, but somehow you did. somehow you didn‘t turn away when i told you i‘m demi or pan or genderfluid. you stayed. you supported me. you love me. and i want to spend the rest of my life with you, so do me the favour and in the name of god, should they exist, do me the favour and marry me“
jean feels tears running his cheeks. „of course i will marry you, you loser“, he laughs, as he pulls jeremy down to him and connects their lips together. and it feels like their first kiss. it always does. and they would do that for the rest of their lives.
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shadowedmoonlight · 3 years ago
Text
3 Times Virgil Came Out to Others + 1 Time Someone Came Out to Him
I am aware that I am a few hours late, but this is the longest oneshot I've ever written
Day 3: Coming out
Warnings: Food mention, talk of sexual attraction (In regards to asexuality), anxiety, disassociation (brief)
Summary: In which the story gains a plot ft. fluff and hurt/comfort
Word count: 4025
Read on Ao3
Masterlist
1.
Virgil hadn’t been this terrified in a long time. He knew that being gay shouldn’t be that big of a deal, in regards to his two gay fathers, but he couldn’t stop the terrifying thoughts from running through their head.
What if they thought he was too young to have figured himself out? They were only fifteen after all. Is he even sure they're gay? And what would they think about the pronouns thing? Vigil had no idea where their dads stood on transgender rights.
They had planned to do it after dinner. That way he could have one last dinner of peace in the unlikely event of something going wrong. It's more likely than you think they’re gonna kick you out, you’re gonna have to live on the streets
Emile had made spinach lasagna that night. Virgil’s favorite. But he could hardly enjoy it due to the nerves stirring in his stomach. Instead, he moved the food around on his plate and attempted to pay attention to the conversation occurring before him.
He believed his dad was telling some dramatic story about some lady that came into the coffee shop. They normally would be completely invested in that sort of thing, but they just couldn’t focus with all the thoughts running around his head.
What is he gonna do if he gets kicked out? They can’t live on the streets. He can barely work a stove. How would he live on his own? Maybe Remus or Janus would take him in? No, they have their own problems. They shouldn’t burden them with his own problems. But how would he-
“Virgil? What do you think?” A voice cut through his spiral.
“Hm- wha-?” Virgil couldn’t recall for the life of them what he was supposed to be responding to. He looked up to see his parents both looking at him concernedly.
“You feeling okay, hon? It's not like you to space out like that,” Emile asked.
Virgil winced. He had to learn to be less obvious to when they were stressed. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little tired.”
They still looked doubtful. “Are you sure?” Remy raised an eyebrow.
Virgil nodded and tried for a small smile. He didn’t think it was successful, however, when his parents exchanged a worried glance. His leg bounced slightly under the table. Why couldn’t they relax?
Emile started to collect the dishes but paused when their eyes landed on Virgil’s still-full plate. He glanced again at their husband, and then their son.
“Maybe you should head to bed early tonight. You hardly touched your food. You might be coming down with something.” Virgil saw Remy stand up as his Papa spoke. He offered them a hand.
“Babes, I think that might be a good idea. You’re looking a bit pale- well, paler than usual with all that foundation you cake on. Don’t think I don’t notice.” Virgil blushed, slightly. His experimentation with makeup had been one of his ways to tone down their glaring masculinity.
In response to the first statement, maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to put this off another day. They weren’t sure they had enough energy or confidence to go through with this. With a little hesitation, they grabbed Remy's hand and hauled himself to their feet.
Emile smiled sadly at their son’s submissiveness. He had to have been really tired with the way his eyes kept wandering. They abandoned the dishes they were holding, grabbed his other hand, and started leading Remy and Virgil upstairs.
Virgil blinked and suddenly he was in their room. They sat between his parents on his bed. Emile had them leaning against their side as Remy rubbed soft circles into his back. His eyes darted around in confusion.
Remy glanced down and let out a sigh of relief. “Welcome back to this plane of existence.”
Emile smacked their husband lightly. “Sorry baby, we didn’t want to leave you alone while you were disassociating.” Virgil’s eyebrows furrowed slightly. They didn’t remember going into an episode.
Remy kissed his forehead and stood up. “We’ll leave you to your peace now. Let us know if you need anything.” Emile began to follow.
Virgil bit their lip. Was he really going to go through all this stress just to chicken out? He took a breath. He was strong. They could do this.
“Wait,” they called out, lightly. “I need to talk to you about something.” His parents halted in their place in the doorway and came back to sit next to them.
“What is it, babe? Did something happen?” Remy grabbed one of his hands.
“No, not exactly,” Virgil said. His breath was starting to stutter.
“Take your time,” Emile said, softly.
Virgil attempted to calm their breathing. It's highly unlikely that this will have a bad outcome, half of his brain rationalized. They are gay themselves, after all.
Yeah, but what about the pronoun thing? The other half argued. You have no idea what they’ll think of it.
Virgil took another deep breath and opened his mouth to speak. They may as well start with the easy one. “I’m… I’m gay.”
Remy placed a hand on his chest and sighed dramatically. “Oh thank god,” he exclaimed. “I’m not sure I could have handled it if I had to raise a straight son.”
Emile smacked him again. Virgil winced slightly at the word ‘son.’ Remy seemed to notice his discomfort and scooted closer. “Of course we love and accept you and everything, but that's all kind of obvious considering, well,” he lifted his hand as wiggled his ring finger, “Is there something else on your mind?”
Virgil nodded, “I, um, want to start using different pronouns. He/they.”
Emile lit up. “Ooh, we can match!”
Virgil’s head shot up. “What?”
Both Emile and Remy looked confused for a second before a horrifying realization dawned on them.
“Did I- never tell you I’m non-binary?” Emile asked, tentativly. They were sure they told Virgil at some point.
Virgil couldn’t help themself. He started to laugh hysterically. After a moment their parents joined in.
“I’m sorry- I just- I’m fifteen years old and you never thought to tell me that vital piece of information?” Virgil wiped tears from his eyes as he continued to giggle.
Emile was bright red. “Trust me, I’m mortified.”
Remy groaned. “That makes two of us.”
Virgil snorted. “I was so worried about how’d you react and this whole time you’re the same thing.”
“Oh honey,” Emile exclaimed. “You should never be worried about telling us something. We support you no matter what.”
“Of course,” Remy added. “What kind of hypocrites would we be if we said otherwise?”
Virgil pulled them both into a hug. “You’re the best parents anyone could ask for.”
2.
Sanders High School had an interesting dynamic. There were two main groups that everyone at school was invested majorly in. Most, if not all, of the gossip in school was directed at them. They were envied. They were hated. They were idolized. They were the closest thing Sanders High ever had to celebrities. The Dark Sides and The Light Sides.
Everyone that saw them would assume they were the rivals. Bickering and prank wars were constant. Classroom debates between members could last hours if not moderated. Each group consisted of three members.
First up is Roman Prince, the flamboyant jock and theater nerd. He was the first kid at school to break through harmful gender stereotypes. Before he came to school, any boy that joined theater was seen as weak and nerdy. Roman was the first openly gay kid on the football team- as quarterback no less- and the first jock to join the drama program. He was unapologetically himself in everything he did. He often came to school in skirts and dresses and there was rarely a day he could be seen without his signature red lipstick. Despite his smashing of stereotypes, Roman is the only cis kid in both the light and dark sides (not that everyone is out to the school like he is, or even to each other). He has the most social media followers out of anyone in the school, and was the one to first publicize the two groups. Roman is a proud member of The Light Sides.
Next is Patton Hart, the bubbly, adorable student council president. Everybody loved Patton and they loved everybody. Patton is one of the kindest kids in the school. He’s always willing to drop everything to help somebody or cheer someone up. They met Roman when they were young and they’ve been inseparable ever since. Some might say they’re dating, but a select few know otherwise.
Last in The Light Sides is Logan Berry. Logan is objectively the smartest kid in school. He is rumored to be taking all AP classes. How that’s possible, no one knows. Everyone knows that Logan will be Valedictorian at the end of the year. There’s no other logical choice. Somehow, even with all that, they also manage to be co-captain of the debate club. Patton and Roman somehow managed to rope them into their small group sometime during elementary school. Again, how that’s possible, no one knows. Logan is extremely stone-faced to people they're not close with. Some think he might be a robot with how emotionless he is most of the time. Those people, however, have never seen him with a jar of Crofters. (But if they knew their secret, everyone would think so).
Over in the dark sides, we have Janus Lies. Genderfluid icon. Their coming out started a revolution of sorts at Sanders High. So many kids came out as non-binary or genderfluid or something in between, the school ended up getting rid of gendered bathrooms entirely. A new genderfluid locker room was built in the PE building and the academic teachers revised their gendered way of teaching. But, back to Janus. They were the most sarcastic person you’d ever meet. So much so, it became difficult for people to tell if they were telling the truth. Their trademark hat and gloves stayed on no matter what the occasion. They also co-captained the debate club with Logan. They grouped together with Remus and Virgil before anyone could remember, including the three dark sides.
Remus Prince, twin of Roman Prince, is the extremely crude drama student and class clown. They are known for their dark sense of humor and sexual disruptions of class. The teachers have learned to just ignore them, as countless trips to detention were fruitless in correcting their behavior. Although they privately came out before Janus, they were more private socially when it came to their gender. Until that is, Janus came out and was accepted. After that, Remus showed no limits in expressing themself.
Lastly, there is Virgil Picani, the emo nightmare themself. He is in almost every club at school, including but not limited to drama, debate, GSA, writing, and volunteering. His sarcastic personality is no stranger to anybody, although it is much more subdued than Janus’s. Virgil came out to Janus and Remus before he had even fully figured himself out yet. He had not, however, come out to any of the light sides as gay or genderqueer.
And that brings us to today. As mentioned earlier, anyone that saw the two groups would assume they had a strong rivalry. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
The reality is, although they did start out as rivals, the six of them have a strong friendship. They keep up the facade of competitors for sake of reputation (and a little fun never hurt anybody). Once Roman and Remus had gotten over their sibling rivalry, the six of them had discovered that they shared many of the same interests. They started hanging out after school and now it is rare to see one of the group without another.
Virgil knows that he has nothing to worry about. Roman is gay, and both Patton and Logan already use he/they pronouns. They accepted Janus and Remus without question. It won’t be any different for him. All they actually had to do was tell them.
But here lies the issue. Virgil thought they had already. It wasn’t until the first day of pride month that he realized their mistake.
They decided to make pronoun pins for all the kids in GSA. So, naturally, he made one for himself as well. They weren't publicly out yet, but it was perfectly okay for them to wear them inside the safety that was the gay-straight alliance.
Virgil was struggling to attach his pin to their shirt when Janus came over to help. Virgil noted the blue bracelet. Janus looked surprised as he read the contents of the pin.
“You told them?” He asked, incredulously. “I thought you would tell me when you finally did it.”
Virgil was confused. “What do you mean? I came out to them… shoot.”
Janus snorted. “You totally don’t need to tell them. This isn’t getting out of hand at all.”
Virgil blushed red. “I honestly thought I did! I’ll do it now, okay?”
They didn’t wait for a response before marching over to Roman, Logan, and Patton and dragging them outside of the classroom. He ignored the curious looks of their classmates, most likely wondering what they were fighting about this time.
They closed the door behind them and looked around quickly, making sure there was no one else around. He turned back to the group that was looking at him, slightly concerned.
Virgil rolled their eyes at their expressions. “Oh calm down, I just forgot to tell you something, is all.”
Logan cleared their throat and straightened up. “And that is?”
“I genderqueer, he/they, and gay.”
“Yay!” Patton exclaimed and pulled him into a hug. “I’m proud of you for being yourself.”
Patton pulled back and Virgil caught the expressions of the other two. Logan was looking at him with a delighted expression on their face. “I had my suspicions.”
Roman furrowed his brows. “So did I, but I must ask, why wait so long to tell us? Surely you knew that we would accept you wholeheartedly.”
Virgil snorted. “I actually did the same thing my Papa did with me. I thought I told you all ages ago.” They all laughed at that.
“We should probably get back,” Logan remarked, “Thank you for trusting us enough to tell us this.”
3.
Virgil felt nervous, but not extremely so.
He knew nothing would go wrong. So many kids had come out in the past year at Sanders High, the school had made pronoun pins mandatory to avoid misgendering. All they had to do was wear the new pin he had grabbed from the office the day before. He also planned to wear a rainbow shirt to identify themself as the flaming homosexual he is.
The only real thing they were worried about would be the gossip surrounding them for the next week or so. Someone coming out is hardly a rare occurrence, but they were one of the most popular kids in school. He was certain that there were at least a few bets going around school on whether they were queer or not. To be fair, he was the only member of the Light and Dark sides to never confirm any rumors about gender or sexuality. And it's not as if he’s really hid anything. He’s just never confirmed.
But they’re ready to change that. They pull on their rainbow shirt, do their makeup slightly more dramatic than usual, and debate for a moment over the plaid purple skirt his dads had gotten him a few years ago. It matched his usual hoodie perfectly, but he had yet to wear it outside the house. There was no reason not to wear it. Why not spend his first day publicly out AGAP (as gay as possible)?
They arrive at school with an air of confidence around them that he hadn’t felt in a while. As he walked through the hallways, he saw a few looks of disappointment, but most were of excitement and joy. They caught a few thumbs up and cheers in the crowd as well.
He found the other two members of the Dark Sides standing at Virgil’s locker, both wearing identical looks of pride as they stared at him. They walked directly up to the pair, smirking slightly. Once he was within earshot, Remus grasped their head with one hand and Janus’s shoulder, striking a dramatic pose.
“Do you see that Jan Jan? Our little slime monster is all grown up!” Virgil rolled their eyes at their best friend’s antics. Janus lifted their wrist to show off her pink band. Despite the new rule about pronoun pins, Janus still kept her bracelet system in place. She claimed it to be simpler and more efficient.
She slung her arm around Virgil’s shoulders. She leaned in and said in a low voice, “I really am proud of you.”
Remus jumped on his back. “That makes two of us!”
+1
Virgil had always enjoyed Logan’s company. They were the only person out of the group of six that allowed him some peace.
He could also be a captivating conversation partner. Listening to Logan ramble on about whatever he was currently studying was one of Virgil's favorite pastimes. The way his eyes lit up when you asked him about something they were interested in was adorable. And his voice would take on this gorgeous tone to it that Virgil knows not many people get to hear.
Their weekly study session was the thing that Virgil looked forward to the most. Every Thursday, they get to spend hours in a room with the most beautiful person he knows. They love the way Logan will straighten his tie or fix his hair even when they’re both immaculate. He loves the way they slowly and patiently explain the answer to something Virgil gets wrong, never criticizing them or getting frustrated.
Virgil may have developed an itty bitty crush on them over the years.
Not that they will ever tell him. They don’t even know where he stands on sexuality. He has only been open about their gender. And he doesn’t want to complicate their relationship for the sake of some silly crush.
The two of them sat in Virgil’s room doing homework. Logan sat on their bed, while Virgil had opted for the floor. They had hardly spoken a word to each other in the past few hours (a normal occurrence for their weekly get-togethers), but Virgil could tell something was bothering Logan. They’d been fidgeting for the past hour or so, and had seemed tense and nervous all day.
Virgil placed their bookmark into his book and groaned loudly. “If I have to read one more word of this, I think my eyes might literally start bleeding.”
Logan also marked their page before looking up. “That is highly unlikely. The amount of force that would cause one's eyeballs to ‘literally’ start bleeding is far more than would be caused by eye strain. Additionally, subconjunctival hemorrhage has not been linked to overuse and is instead usually caused by some sort of trauma to the eye. So unless you are planning to hit yourself in the face with the book, it will not cause your eyes to hemorrhage.”
Virgil huffed a laugh, internally cooing at how adorable they are when explaining something. “I guess you’re right. I can’t read anymore though.”
Logan cleaning their glasses on the edge of his shirt. “I agree with that statement.”
Virgil looked at him closely. Cleaning their glasses is a sort of nervous tick for him. And they had done it multiple times in the last hour. “Okay, what's going on? You’ve been nervous and weird all afternoon.”
Logan cleared his throat. “Nothing of importance.”
“So there is something!” Virgil exclaimed.
They blanched. “No, of course not. What would be wrong at the moment?”
Virgil gave them a look. “I never said that there was something wrong.”
Logan stood up quickly and started gathering his materials. “Well, it’s getting late. I must head home now in order to be at dinner at an adequate time.”
Virgil grabbed their arm. “Wait, Logan, there’s still hours until you need to leave. If you really don’t want to talk about whatever’s bothering you, we don’t have to. But if you do, I’m here and ready to listen.”
Logan shot them a grateful look. “I truly appreciate that Virgil. I will keep your offer in mind.”
They resumed their study positions and all was silent for a few minutes. Virgil couldn’t keep their mind off of Logan. He hoped that whatever was troubling him could be resolved easily. He didn’t want him to be distressed.
Eventually, Logan stiffly placed his books beside him and turned to their study partner. At the shift in movement, Virgil also put away their materials and prepared to listen, moving to sit next to them on their bed.
“I would like you to not speak until I am done speaking if that is acceptable for you.” Virgil immediately agreed. They would never interrupt him when they were having such a serious conversation.
“My sincerest gratitude. I-” Logan paused. They took a stuttering breath. Virgil reached out and took his hand, attempting to provide some form of comfort.
“I am not a robot. I know that there are some that may think otherwise. Aside from the vast technological inaccuracies in that statement, contrary to popular belief, I do have emotions. I do experience love. Just not in the same way as others do. From a young age, I have known that I have felt no sexual attraction. The idea of sex repulsed me far more than I can explain, even past the age of maturity. I have no desire to love anybody in that way. And I never will.
“I was under the impression that the same went for romantic attraction. I had never felt any sort of romantic feelings for a female. But recent… variables have shown me otherwise. I do not feel any romantic attraction for people of the female gender or sex. I do, however, experience attraction to people of the same gender. These people fall under the male and non-binary spectrum. In conclusion, I am asexual and homoromantic. I am finished, you may speak now.”
Virgil was delighted by the news. They had just confirmed that his crush could possibly be attracted to him. They didn’t care about the asexual part. It changed none of his feelings towards the academic prodigy.
They made the mistake of staying silent for a moment too long. That became evident when he looked at Logan’s face. Any positive feelings he had melted into concern.
“Oh, Lo,” they said softly, “You’re crying.” He brought his hand to Logan’s cheek and wiped away the silent tears that had trickled down with their thumb.
Logan's voice wobbled as they spoke. “My apologies.”
“No,” Virgil cooed, “you have nothing to apologize for. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’re accepting yourself and I am so proud of you for that.”
That seemed to be all it would take for their dam to break. Soft sobs escaped his mouth and he brought up a hand to try to muffle them.
Virgil made a sympathetic noise and wrapped them up in their arms. He cupped the back of Logan’s neck with one hand and used the other to rub soothing circles into his back. Logan gripped their hoodie tightly as they cried into their shoulder.
Virgil whispered quiet words of encouragement to him. Eventually, Logan seemed to finally be calming down. His tears dwindled into quiet sniffles and they sagged into his chest. The emotional exhaustion of the day in addition to the exergy expelled by crying made him unbelievably tired.
Virgil shifted the two so they were lying down on his bed, Logan cuddled against their chest. They could feel his breaths evening out rapidly.
Virgil pressed a small kiss into his forehead, wishing more than anything that they could do it when Logan could remember.
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