#cdd fragment

[chemicalcarousel]

People say the difference between fragments and alters are that fragments don't feel like "full people" well none of us do what then

[masquerade-flags]

Elaboration flags. Mostly just made these because we like visual aids for organization and such. The design is supposed to like like a crystal.

Shard (transparent and non-transparent)

Fragment (transparent and non-transparent)

Low Elaboration Alter (transparent and non-transparent)

Middle Elaboration Alter

High Elaboration Alter

[plural-affirmations]

Here's to fragments!

Fragments [link] are headmates that are not "fully" formed; they're common in complex dissociative disorders such as DID/OSDD/etc. They're most often present in polyfragmented plurals, though they can technically be in a system of any size/function. Let's talk about them!

Shoutout to:

Fragments that feel they're two-dimensional, or have limited personality/interests

Those who fragmented off of someone else in their system

Introject fragments of any and all kinds, including those who struggle with feeling valid

Fragments that want to develop as a person more, but aren't sure how

The ones who popped up to front once or a handful of times, only to never be heard from again (we have this happen often... we remember and miss you!)

Fragments that aren't in polyfragmented systems

And anyone else I missed

I love you so much. You don't have to be a multifaceted individual to be important or valued in your system. It's ok if you only have one role, one reason to front, one singular thing you know about yourself. We love you not in spite of these things, but in appreciation of all that you are. Always know you're worth it. ❤️

🖤💜💙💚💛

[bethestraysystem]

any systems wanna be friends and chat and stuff? idk much about myself beyond a few interests but i know im a fragment?? uhhh oh yeah my interests! film, noir, horror, wrestling (just found that out tonight lol, i like the story telling and how much fun the camera angles are.)

if you wanna be friends and talk and stuff feel free to pm me or even send an ask if your shy lol

((warning: i am high rn and really chatty apparently))

[dreamdropsystem]

art of our other alter named Bubbles. she is a task alter. a fragment. she's a mermaid - Shane/Bug/Theo/Locket/Angel

[granulesofsand]

Sometimes I get prairie madness lookin out into the collective. I was trying to decide roughly how many of us there are, and I never think bout the implications of infinite. They go further than I can see, further than I can think, just cause I can see it don’t mean I can walk myself over. I want to solidly say there’s enough of us to go by ‘megamultiple’, which just sounds cool, but I get dizzy counting. Maybe it does end somewhere, but not in my view. Better to say fractal, at least three.

[myceliumforum]

⋆ Demifragter ⋆

⇉ Definition: A demifragter is a dissociated part which doesn't fall into the alter or fragment category because of their formation. This label is a catch-all for all the experiences of being:

In between alter and fragment

A half fragment or alter

A semi fragment or alter

A fragment who's developing to be an alter

Any kind of experience of formation/fragmentation that's not described with alter or fragment

Is important to remark that this label is not to be put above alter or below fragment, it's more a point when isn't neither of them but doesn't break completely the formation rule alter and fragment follows

You can use demifragter with another specification if you like, this can be demifragter alter/fragment, demifragter level 1-Number or any kind of way you prefer

⇉ Alt Names: N/A

Coined by: Me Requested by: N/A

If you want a flag for this term ask it here, don't request another coining blog to make a flag for this term

Please read pinned post and DNI before interacting

[cafedragons]

Different Ways Fusions Can Result

(This post is specifically about fusion in CDD systems. I am open to questions, but I am not open to people shaming others' chosen recovery paths. Keep that off this post, please!)

Integration is the process of breaking down dissociative barriers between alters. The alters fuse when they accept and integrate with each other to such a degree that they function as one. This can end up several different ways! I'd love to show you some, using my own system/alters to explain & conceptualize.

#1: The "New Guy" (with traits from both)

Jayden, a 17 year old verbal protector, and Glyph, an ageless dragon soother/protector, fused to make Marcus, who became our system's primary caretaker. The alters both balanced each other out, with Jayden's "chill unless pissed" mixing neatly with Glyph's strong need to keep things in order/safe to make one responsible, organized, and laid-back alter.

#2: The "Old Guy With An Update"

Gemini, our co-host, fused with a bunch of memory-holding fragments. Nothing fundamental about Gemini changed, but he did have access to more memories and some skills.

#3: The "New Guy" (that mostly seems like an old guy)

Echo, our nonhuman shadow being of a gatekeeper, fused with Zeke, an avenger and anger holder who was also the host of his subsystem. Echo kept the name Echo and mostly seems the same at first glance, but sometimes Zeke's bluntness and habitual swearing come through. Zeke has found a lot of peace and healing by fusing with Echo, and Echo gained the perspective of "hot" emotions.

#4: The "Lava Lamp"

Finn, a happiness/energy holder, and Jukebox, a trauma holder, fused to who became Jukebox 2.0. Sometimes, this new alter is a lot more like Finn or a lot more like Jukebox or a perfect mix of the two. The ratio varies and he is ever-shifting. Consistently, he loves dinosaurs, orange juice, and gummy bears.

Overall, fusion can look different for everybody, and it can even look different in the same system! Fusion is a very diverse experience.

While fusion is a good thing, sometimes people do need to grieve it, just like any other large change. That's okay and it doesn't make you a bad person, nor does it make you "anti-recovery". Big changes can be very hard.

In my opinion, the most important thing to keep in mind about fusion, for those who seek it, is being kind to yourself throughout the whole process.

Sometimes, fusions don't work out too well. Sometimes, two alters aren't a good match yet. Sometimes, it takes a few tries. Ultimately, it's up to you and your system how or if you go about it - there's no "wrong way". Just don't rush things, trust yourself, and take it easy. It'll all settle in the end, I promise!

[chemicalcarousel]

how can i tell the difference between a fragment and an alter i just don't know that well yet?

i think there's someone who's been lurking in the background, but i'm not aware if they have any awareness, role, personality, ect. i have a vague feeling of how they look and maybe some personality traits, but i have no idea if i just made up an oc subconsciously to fit with how i was feeling. but maybe she's a fragment/alter who's sometimes influencing the front. and maybe she is a fully formed alter, but we just haven't gained communication with her yet

thank you for reading!

[hiiragi7]

How Many Was I, Anyway?

Some reflections on the system I used to be.

To this day, I don't know how many selves I was. I don't know how many parts, how many "not-me"s, existed in my system. I never will.

We never got an exact count.

And... that's for the best.

My system was very, very polyfragmented and complex. A lot of therapists, including dissociative specialists, dropped me because of it. A member of the ISSTD even retired after working with me for a few weeks. My system was always in conflict with itself and my parts were always fighting, a lot of us resented each other.

It was really overwhelming.

Trying to get any kind of sense of how many parts of me there were was an impossible task. And one that proved to be, well... counterproductive at best.

Fixating on the numbers made my system more and more distressed. It felt like we would never recover, there were too many parts, too many fragments and little pieces to pick up.

So we stopped counting.

We worked with every part as they came, worked really hard at improving our communication and self-calming skills, wrote down tons of notes about how to notice what we're feeling and what triggers symptoms and switches, read a lot of clinical books on dissociative disorders to better understand what we were dealing with and learn new skills, shared info with a lot of others with CDDs, and did a lot of mood tracking and journaling and setting reminders to help spot patterns and work around the amnesia better.

And, slowly... the dissociative barriers came down, and one by one, every part of us fused, until their fusions and all the effort and love that went into each one created me, the fused whole.

I may not know how many I was in the past, but I can comfortably say how many I am now; I am a system of two, myself and Fennel.

I've noticed in our community we tend to focus a lot on the numbers. A lot of plural servers on discord even ask anyone who joins to disclose alter/headmate counts. A lot of folks post their numbers publicly in their bios. Everybody, systems and singlets alike, all seem to want to know - How big is your system? How many of you are there?

It always made me feel very vulnerable to think about - everyone else always seemed so sure of their numbers, or at least had an estimate if not an exact count. I had a lot of internalized shame for a long time over how many parts I had and felt really overwhelmed every time I found more or split more. It also felt like something that should be more private, something I didn't really want to share with strangers.

And, well, that's perfectly alright. I may not be in that same headspace now (pun intended), but I think there should be more acceptance towards not sharing or knowing the exact number of members in a system.

However many you are, I hope you can have a good day today.

[horrorcrew-diary]

I love you systems with lesboys

I love you systems with turigirls

I love you systems with mspec monos

I love you systems with straight gays

I love you afab transfem systems

I love you amab transmasc systems

I love you transfemmasc systems

I love you cistrans systems

I love any other system or alter with a "contradictory" queer label.

Having a CDD fragments your sense of self in a unique way, and if "contradictory" labels make you feel more comfortable in your sense of an already flaky self, I support you.

[sysmedsaresexist]

The "alters aren't separate people" discourse is getting way too nasty. It is really none of anyone's business (except for you and your therapist) how you view the people/parts in your system.

All people need to know is that alters exist in the same body and mind. They do not have separate bodies, thus they are a system and need to learn how to cope and share responsibility as a system.

My therapist literally does not care if I refer to my system members as "parts of me" or "the other people." I do both all the time. I would not care if I had a CDD patient myself and they did the same. Your therapists want you to be able to express yourself authentically. They will help you explore your own beliefs and whether any are exacerbating your symptoms and how to untangle that if necessary.

It's important, as a psychologist, not to treat a CDD patient as separate people with no relation to each other. They are a system. The system is not their own abuser because they have an abuser introject, the system does not need to be enrolled in kindergarten because they have littles, the system is not committing crimes if one of their human alters is in a relationship with their own animal alter or whatever, etc.

Please can we all just be normal about this and let people recover and self-determine at their own pace?

Some additional thoughts on all of this --

Parts vs people language discourse is so interesting to me because I actually see a lot of systems who use people language treating their system as parts of a whole. These things aren't mutually exclusive. I wish people would actually listen to the experiences that others are communicating instead of barely scratching the surface because they got mad at the words the other person was using.

Anyways, years ago I remember another psychologist with DID bringing up how often pwCDDs early on in their recovery are triggered by the idea of being parts of a whole. Think about what that confronts them with. Think about how that puts them face-to-face with all the compartmentalized things that got so thoroughly dissociated away.

Before I was diagnosed, earlier on in my own recovery, I thought that my alters were supernatural in nature. Different parts had their own explanations for it. It ranged from tamer psychic/spiritual belief stuff like telepathy and mediumship, to actual genuine delusions. Some of us thought that we were all real people who existed in different parts of the world, connected mentally. Some of them thought the same thing but that we were all from different universes, somehow interfacing within a single body.

We struggled heavily with the delusions and dissociation. We were just trying to make sense of our fragmented experience.

Even after our diagnosis, even after we realized that alters were not like that, we still struggled. Because dissociation does that. Dissociation carves a divide between all parts of the system. We struggled to see ourselves as parts of a whole until we got far enough into recovery to lessen that dissociation and finally see how we were all interconnected within.

Thank God we discovered our DID before nowadays. We would've been flayed alive by the online community. We would've been attacked for just being Not Recovered enough, for using all the Wrong Words, and for having odd beliefs and genuine delusions about our own mental health.

There's nothing wrong with simply stating that alters are all parts of a whole. We are. Because that's what being a system is. We all share a single body and mind. But taking it further to invalidate the individuality of alters, police the words they use, dismiss their personal/spiritual beliefs, or attack them just because they're triggered or can't see it yet...?

What are we even doing???

[acorpsecalledcorva]

If you're on the plural side of the community, whether a CDD or an endogenic system where your system is experienced as multiple present people and it's like having a big family and never being alone and stuff, and you've ever wondered what the animosity from the non plural side of the community is all about or what's so different about their experience that they do not identify as plural or declare that you're having fundamentally different experience from them, then I'd like to introduce you to this concept from the book/film What Happened To Monday?

When psychs talk about CDDs being a disorder of "hiddenness", this is what they mean. Rather than the much more overt presentations seen in media like United States of Tara, What if it Works?, or heck even Split, where the different alters all really do present as wholly separate developed identities, and rather than the more imaginary friend style presentations in something like Mr Robot or Fight Club that come off more like Drop Dead Fred than DID, many people with CDDs experience their system more as multiple subjective experiences of reality built on fragmented memory allocation.

'What Happened to Monday?' is obviously an extreme example but let's run with the idea. Imagine you, as a singular alter/headmate, could only experience Mondays. Everyday you've ever experienced has always been a Monday. Your only experience of the world around you is in the context of Mondays. What would you know about the world and the people around you if all you knew was what the world and people were like on Mondays? Everyone's probably a little tired and grumpy and short tempered right? You would learn how to cope with the Monday people, how to avoid stepping on their toes and setting them off. You'd probably become very guarded and meek believing the world to be a cold and hostile place.

Now compare that experience with the alter that only fronts on Saturdays. Can you see where the differentiation will start to come in? How those two alters would have vastly different experiences and thus beliefs about reality? How differently they would behave and interact with the world? How over time their separation would grow making their beliefs more and more incompatible with each other? Now let's say something happens that causes Monday to front on a Saturday Or Saturday to front on a Monday. Can you imagine how terrifying that would be?! How wrong and alien the world would feel?

In reality it's more different environments than different days. When people say "everyone has parts such as a work self, family self, out with friends self" this is very true, the difference with something like DID is that the work self ONLY knows what it's like to work. They only have the subjective experience of being at work, they weren't present on the weekend when the host went to the park and had a picnic, they didn't experience the two hours unwinding watching TV last night after they got home from work, they just clock in and clock out and that's it. That's their reality. That's all they know. So what happens when they've had enough and can't do it anymore? What happens when their boss shouts at them in a voice that's too similar to the way their dad shouted at them? What happens when a child alter or the alter that only comes out when their drunk at the club gets brought to the front in a work environment they've never been to before?

Even if there isn't blackout amnesia, there's a big difference between knowing what happens when you're at work and being the one who was there and experienced it.

This is the difficulty and distress of a lot of people with CDDs are facing on a daily basis. It's not internalised pluralphobia, they just aren't experiencing what you are, they can't even imagine what it's like to experience what you are. They're just trying to get through the day as best they can, to pass as "Karen Settman" in a world that feels increasingly alien and hostile to them. Is it any wonder that when someone comes up to them and says "omg you're a system too? Isn't it amazing having a head full of friends? You should meet my Twilight Sparkle fictive" that they go "what the fuck? No? What are you talking about?". Yes the world is wild and weird and wonderful, but that's just not their experience of it. It's not their reality. All they know is drink coffee, make hot spreadsheet, and lie.

[scaphismx]

I’m going to say something that I assume will piss a lot of people off, and probably be very controversial. So like, please don’t scream at me, I’m just curious on people’s thoughts of this. Let’s try to be positive please.

I think that DID/OSDD/UDD should be a spectrum disorder, maybe something like DSD (dissociative spectrum disorder), in similar ways to how autism became ASD.

I feel like there isn’t nearly enough research or attention put towards CDDs, which is why we have DID, then OSDD for people who fit most but not all of the criteria, and then UDD for “i don’t know so we’re slapping this label on for now”. For me personally, I’ve flip flopped between qualifying for a diagnosis for DID, then qualifying for a diagnosis of OSDD. This is the only disorder I’ve ever seen where the diagnosis can change during healing.

And what also has never made sense to me, is how you can go through therapy, reach functional multiplicity, and you no longer qualify for a diagnosis of DID/OSDD/UDD. You can still have a whole system, have alters, but since you aren’t suffering from the disorder — it’s as if they classify you as now neurotypical, which you are still not. Even if you reach final fusion, your brain is still not structured in the way a neurotypical person’s is, it never will be.

I don’t even understand why suffering is a requirement for a diagnosis of this disorder. This disorder is a survival mechanism. Yes people should never be put through something so horrible that their brain does not develop properly, but that doesn’t mean they can’t ever be happy for the rest of forever. Why does the diagnosis go away once the person has healed their trauma, when they still experience identity fragmentation and they still have alters ? Even those who reach final fusion can end up splitting again. Our brains are just fundamentally different, and I don’t think that should hinge on our suffering.

I just don’t think the current diagnoses for these disorders make sense. To me, instead of shoving people in these weird and strange boxes, it would make so much more sense to view it as a spectrum. I do really personally believe CDDs are a spectrum, because it affects everyone in wildly different ways. Because we are trying to fit everyone into these boxes, community terms like OSDD-1a, OSDD-1b, C-DID, HC-DID, polyfragmented DID (I know this has been mentioned in actual literature, but it’s still not an actual diagnosis) have sprung up trying to see where people fit in these super narrow diagnoses. We all clearly are different. I just think people would benefit so much more from this disorder being categorised as a spectrum.

What are your guys’ thoughts on this ? Do you guys agree ? Do you think it makes sense, or am I just talking nonsense here ?

[granulesofsand]

Fractal system things of “woah I thought you were femme” and “you were eight years old last week”

[chompy-jester]

Another weird thing I hear used against those in CDD spaces is "you can tell these people don't know anything because they would all use the word 'parts' not 'alters' or 'fictives' cuz therapists don't let you use terms like that". Not only is this false, but psychologists are not required to exclusively use clinical terms accepted in strict medical literature. If you call your identity states "inner people" or something because that's what you've always understood them to be, therapists will often use that term as well and allow you to self describe your experiences.

Similarly, a common misconception and assumption is "You can't act like alters are people, a therapist wouldn't let you do that" because again, yes they would. In fact treatment involves treating a patient's alternate identities individually as "real" people the way that they likely never experienced. A practitioner qualified to treat a CDD is not going to tell you not to call another alter a person because they don't meet their definition of personhood, they are going to talk to them in accordance with how they understand their own identity because they exist as they do for a reason. A psychologist isn't going to go "hey, cut that out I'm not gonna pretend you're 4 year old 'Sally'. You're John so I'm treating you as the 44 year old man you are. 'Sally' isn't a real person". Sounds like a malpractice case waiting to happen. There is nothing constructive, helpful, or healthy about this denial approach that people assume that any "sane" therapist would use. It is not a treatment modality, it's just what some people want to happen because they can't comprehend why a medical professional would "humor" these alternate identities. But it's counterproductive when you're dealing with a patient so traumatized that they've dissociated to develop multiple identities. Hell even if the person were truly only pretending to have DID, that wouldn't be a helpful approach.

I think a lot of it comes from the discomfort around and inherent strangeness of the concept that one person can somehow be five "people". They're "parts" at most but the parts vs people thing is so nuanced. Someone with DID is human, there is no "real" them. Perception of self, identity, and personhood are so complicated and personal. The thing with DID is that you truly do not have a singular sense of personhood or identity. So how that feeling is defined, depends on who you ask.

Some people even with DID frame it as "it's not the existence of multiple people but less than one whole person being fragmented" which is not inherently incorrect for someone to describe themselves. But both can be true, you are the fragments of what would have been one cohesive identity, and exist with different perceptions of identity and personhood. Really saying someone with DID is less than a whole person feels dehumanizing but at the same time that is genuinely how some people feel about living with it. Like a bunch of pieces of a person, especially if these parts aren't very complex. So I wouldn't tell these people "no you have to see all your parts as whole PEOPLE" because their sense of personhood is not mine to dictate. For some, these identities feel so distinctly different and complex due to the extent of dissociation. I just don't see myself being able to tell someone they can't consider themselves a person. Sure socially, the "outside world" won't see you as 15 people or care that you have DID but you can still perceive yourself as you do, and as a person. It's part of the survival mechanism to do so, regardless of how uncomfortable that is for someone else. Fuck's sake, I doubt the people who feel so strongly about denying personhood to those with CDDs truly have had strangers irl with DID asking to be treated individually as different people but I'm fairly certain that most of them have unknowingly interacted with someone that has DID. But I've seen some people get so pissed at the mere idea of how someone with it perceives themselves internally. It's a covert condition, most people with it don't want strangers treating them differently but people act like they're all just going to Olive Garden or some shit asking the servers to call them Naruto and screaming ableism if they don't. If anyone, typically people close to those with DID are the only ones that they wish to know different alters on a personal basis, with a few exceptions like with any disorder. Chances are your coworker isn't gonna aggressively demand that you regard them as 25 individual people but it's like the people passionate about this invent people to get mad at based on some kid they saw using Pluralkit or some TikToks reposted to a cringe comp on Youtube.

Like personally, I don't care what people think of me but to say I'm less than a person is objectively pretty fucked up and to think I should have a therapist condition me to perceive myself otherwise when that has the potential to compromise the safety of someone dissociating to survive, is just as well.