#crack-fic ideas

[justaz]

post magic reveal merlin who is so used to working in the shadows and continuing on as if he wasn’t dying the night before disappearing for a day and showing up like nothing happened until someone points out blood seeping through his clothes and merlin going “oh! whoops! lol” and arthur has a heart attack

[boigyu]

in which you have a crush on beomgyu and one day you get paired up with him on a project and accidentally send him a presentation on why he should date you

the presentation

[strawlessandbraless]

Time traveling destiel fic where later series Cas ends up in Stanford Era Dean’s timeline.

It goes as usual, Dean soon finding the dorky angel odd and endearing. Enjoying how well Cas seems to know him and even starting to like all the staring.

At some point, Dean finds the mix tape in Cas’s pocket, immediately recognizing the handwriting and clocking the traxx and what that means. Because he knows this was his go to move when he really liked someone. He listens to the tape with the songs he picked, and he knows, without a doubt, future him is in love with Cas.

Chaos ensues.

[clonemando]

Imagine: Fox has Force-given plot armor, basically nothing is able to kill him.

Palpatine tries to lightning him at point blank and it... Just doesn't work. Fox gives him a tired look and finishes his report.

Palpatine tries to chop him with his lightsabers but they just go out as soon as they get close to Fox and Fox sighs deeply and explains that he can't die. That when he was a cadet he saved a aiwha and it turned into some green force goddess chick who blessed him and ever since no one can harm him. He's jumped from the top of Tipoca city, sat at the bottom of Kamino's ocean, left a ship while in space and walked around outside. His brothers have taken to surprise attacking him for the hell of it. Nothing.

Palpatine grins thinking of how great this is having Fox as his servant after all and tries to activate Fox's chip.

Nothing.

Fox sighs again. The Republic is corrupt and even with basic immortality Fox can't just fix it so he just does his job. He's not going to be controlled or whatever. He'll see Palpatine with the usual report tomorrow.

From then on it's just Fox tiredly going about his day while Palpatine tries more and more creative different ways to try to kill him or make him obey him.

Palpatine completely blows off Anakin because he's so obsessed with Fox and Anakin gets all pissy over it and starts trying to kill Fox too.

Thorn and the rest of the Guard find it hilarious and encourage it even joining in sometimes.

Fox: *sitting in the middle of the flaming cafeteria sipping a cup of caff* This is fine.

[justanofficeworker]

Simon's Mean ass girlfriend gets hit on

Soft!Simon x Mean!reader

Tw: foul language(?)

You and Simon have been dating for 6 months and its going soo good. He treats you like a princess, spoiling you with shopping trips and your favorite snacks. On one such shopping trip you get hit on. Actually, its more like you get accosted. As the two of you are walking out of a lingerie store, buying something for Simon to peel off you later, some roided out misfit walks right into you, no excuse me or nothing.

"Excuse, i think you owe my bird here an apology" Simon admonishes, honestly he was just surprised at the nerve of this guy. "Apologize for what? Maybe if your kept your pocket rocket at home I wouldn't have tripped." the guy sneers as he looks at you with a piece of meat. You did not fuck with the vibes this due was emitting so you did what any self respecting girl would do. You hand your lovely boyfriend your bags, take of your earrings and proceed to rock this man's shit. you just fully beat the brakes off this motherfucker.

Soon enough mall security is approaching the small crowd that has gathered to watch you pummel this man. After they pry you off him, you end up getting of with a warning and not a ban from the mall. Which is good since you don't want to get banned from another one. -_-

[izzystizzys]

TW: discussion of something approximating suicidal tendencies but with the usual crack programming of this blog

“Ah, High General Windu”, says Fox, pleasantly. “So we meet again.”

High General Windu raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him, Fox thinks, though it’s getting hard to tell with all the blood rushing to his head. “If I let you go, will you try to throw yourself out of another window?”

Fox makes a vague shrugging motion - or tries to, anyways. It’s hard to tell where any of his limbs are going, hanging upside down in the air as he is. “I am willing to discuss terms.” A bridge will do just fine.

Impossibly, the High General’s eyebrows climb even further up his forehead. “A compromise, then, esteemed Commander.” And so, he righths Fox the head way up in the air, but leaves him floating just above the ground, at which point several painted shells come skidding around the corner followed by billowing robes and screeches.

“WHAT”, says Kote, calmly, “THE BANTHA-KARKED, FORCE-LOVING KRIFF, FOX.”

“You’ll short out your helmet mic”, Fox advises him, sagely. Fondly, he thinks back to decimating his own on only his second time in the newly-christened official Coruscant Guard Scream Closet. He’d just received the comm about the Zillo Beast being transported to 000, and made sure to take his bucket off thereafter to improve the quality of his closet time.

High General Windu’s face does something complicated between sympathy and constipation.

Because the Galaxy doesn’t hate Fox enough already and Cody wasn’t enough on his own, Wolffe elbows his way through their batch to plant himself in front of him, shoulders squared and shaking with repressed rage. “If you try that again, dickhead”, he begins, in a low growl that quite frankly sounds more cringe that intimidating, “I’m going to resurrect you and then kill you again.”

“Ah, Wolffe”, Plo Koon says, in his deep, shivery timbre, “Remember our conversations about effective conflict resolution and communication of needs?”

Wolffe’s eyes narrow at Fox, because all non-Guard are sweet summer children who walk around buckets off on 000 like absolute lunatics. Fox prays they never have to find out why that’s a bad idea. “I feel”, his ori’vod presses out between clenched teeth, “that if you make me watch you throw yourself out of another window, I’m going to jump after you and strangle you on the way down, you little bitch.”

“That’s fair”, says Fox, and watches High General Kenobi bury his face in his hands. Wolffe twitches in place and makes an aborted groaning noise, the hypocrite.

“Excuse me, High Marshall Commander Fox, but I fail to see what’s so dire about this situation that the Jedi High Council and your brothers cannot help you solve”, says Windu, the only sane one left on this Force-forsaken bloated corpse of a planet. Behind the gaggle of Jedi and ori’vode already gathered in front of Fox, the rest of them come veering around the corner in a commotion that’s quite frankly embarrassing. High General Yoda is mounted on Skywalker’s back like he’s a race-Eopie, which is Fox’ only consolation.

He got up this morning at 0300, bleary-eyed and with a pounding headache as always, and all was right in the world. And then Fox got called into the Jedi High Council’s chambers and was ceremoniously informed that in the wake of Chancellor Palpatine’s unfortunate demise (hah), and through the emergency state of the Senate, as well as several invented promotions foisted on Fox to make the delegation of any and all paperwork less shady, he was now next in the chain of command and-

Well, Fox is the acting Chancellor, in short.

Haha, he had said, and been meet with several seconds of silence, until it got both awkward and exceedingly painful. Wait, he’d said. You’re kriffing serious.

Kriffing serious, we are, had said High General Yoda, and thus Fox launched himself out the first best window with a maniacal cackle of, you’ll have to catch me first!

And catch him, High General Windu sure did.

“The will of the Force this is”, Yoda interrupts Fox’ train of thought. He scans him thoughtfully from beneath his wizened brow, and hems to himself. “Shake things up, this will. Determine the fate of the Galaxy, this shall. A feeling, I have, that a good Chancellor you will make. A better one, hmmm.”

“That’d be high praise, if not for the fact that a dead lemming would make for a better Chancellor than the last one”, says Fox, drawing and indignant gasp from Skywalker. He doesn’t bother with either that or the green goblin’s cackle, lost in the deep sense of resignation that settles over his shoulders like a suffocating blanket.

“Alright, then, get me Thorn on the comm. As my first act in office, I’m firing all the Jedi. No offense, but you’re kind of a disaster. Then, someone get me to the Chancellor’s office, I’m calling Dooku to let him know the war’s off. And please get me Judicial, they’ll be up all night working on my datafolders - I’m having the Senate arrested.”

“Who - is - arresting - “, Bly pants, hands on his knees from where he’s just come sprinting around the corner with his Jedi.

Underneath his bucket, Fox smiles a smile that’s all teeth. “The Senate”, he says, sweetly, wondering if he’s just imagined the shiver that’s gone through the room. “I’m suing the Senate, and taking them all into temporary custody for abuse of sentient rights.”

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

I love the idea that Merlin adopted wild animals while he lived in Ealdor.

Everything is the same up until everyone goes to Ealdor in The Moment of Truth episode and Hunith has more animals around the house. Arthur is baffled when he sees and looks to Merlin for an explanation, but Merlin is just petting a raven on his shoulder asking if it missed him.

Hunith sighs and tells him his animals are all well. Arthur is just confused, so are Morgana and Gwen, but they’re going with it better than Arthur.

Hunith explains to a baffled Arthur that Merlin has a habit of adopting wild animals and says that he only started hiding them when she asked him to stop so it was easier to let him do what he wants so he’s open about it.

She’s telling Arthur that Merlin has:

There’s three rabbits Merlin keeps in a small fenced off bit of the garden, he found them as babies after Will killed their parents so he raised them.

An owl that lives on the roof, he found it with a broken wing and nursed it back to health then it just never left. It occasionally flies down to the window and keeps Hunith company while she’s in the house.

He keeps bees behind the house because the tree they had their hive on got cut down for firewood and he felt bad.

Two squirrels stop by every morning, they’re keeping a store of acorns in Hunith’s herb garden after Merlin started feeding them when they were young.

There’s a raven who Merlin trained to bring Hunith a flower a day in his absence after he found an egg and decided to try and hatch it.

She doesn’t finish the list, but it’s at that point that four wolves charge full speed at them, Arthur grabs his sword but Merlin drops to the ground and starts cuddling them like they’re puppies and asking in a baby voice if they missed him and if they’ve been good while he was away.

All the animals are fully self sufficient, they don’t add any work for Hunith so she’s happy to have them around for Merlin.

Morgana is having the time of her life and asks if she can pet the wolves, Gwen takes a liking to the raven who gives her flowers too. Arthur feels like he’s going insane but the owl seems to like perching on his shoulder while he’s sat by the fire in the evenings.

So most of the episode is the same, but when they get back to Camelot, Arthur tells Merlin he’s in charge of looking after his dogs and horses. Merlin grins and seems happier for it in the long run.

At some point after they return, Merlin starts adopting animals in Camelot too.

It starts small with a robin or something he found and rescued on a hunt, but he starts getting more and more animals. Arthur orders Gaius to let him do it, remembering what Hunith said about if Merlin wasn’t allowed he’d just do it anyway but in secret.

He then starts finding birds or rabbits in Merlin’s chambers, he draws the line at the snake but Merlin reluctantly agrees that’s fair since it was curled up in one of Arthur’s shoes that he took to polish over night.

Eventually Uther asks Arthur about it, but all he can say is “I don’t want to find him hiding squirrel houses in my chambers, so it’s better to just let him do it. At least he tells me when he’s adopted something this way.”

Then Merlin bursts in with a baby deer in his arms, saying “Arthur, I need a favour.”

[the-greatest-8]

Y'know what would be funny? If a Codywan fic made Obi-wan and Cody's relationship so fucking obvious even Anakin picked up on it, AND THAT'S NOT ALL.

It makes Anakin actually t a l k to Obi-wan about the Councils feelings in relationships, as truly, I fully believe the 'No attachments' rule is a bit more complex then that.

And this just, it just fucks Palps plans, because now Anakin is actually coming to his former Master about shit and learning. Maybe he doesn't end up killing to tuskens? (I dunno how you could justify/talk it away(you can't, it was murder of the highest caliber))

It's just- Anakin sees his Master, whom he thought was just a massive stick in the mud, being an absolute obvious idiot with his Commander- and it makes a few of his unused braincells start rubbing together again.

Obi-wan is glad his former padawan is reaching out to him again. Cody is happy Obi-wan is happy- now if only he could get Anakin to stop being a shithead. Anakin is confused, but getting there. And Palps is cursing his fucking face off as two dudes really liking each other's faces are fucking all his plans up.

Order 66 doesn't happen, because some magic bullshit I can't think up right now. Maybe Obi-wan kissed Cody so well it broke the chip in his brain and he had to go to medical where they learned about it(the chips).

I just, think it would be really fucking funny okay? Let me have this.

[happypeachsludgeflower]

Concept: after Shang Qinghua lost his original draft, he said fuck it and wrote progressively worse and worse gibberish content for Proud Immortal Demon Way just to enjoy watching his favorite anti-fan, Peerless Cucumber, loose his shit.

[westanovencleaner]

"percy takes annabeth's last name—"

"annabeth takes percy's last name—"

"they combine last names—"

"they don't even get married because of hera—"

give me a crackfic where percy and annabeth kill zeus and hera and anyone who stands in their way just to get married, and, in killing zeus and hera, they become gods, eliminating the last name problem because they won't even HAVE last names as gods

[r1z3n]

Here is the thing about being a part of a large family particular one as intermarried (cough-old money-cough) to other families as the Waynes, you will have a moment of "and how exactly is this person family, I know I call them Aunt/Uncle/Cousin/Grandparent etc, but I am pretty sure that isn't completely correct"

I just want the batkids to decide one day to use the batcomputer to find out how related Great Aunt Meryl is to Bruce, because maybe they don't have to claim her.

Only to get side tracked because they started doing their own genealogy, and *Surprise*, Dick: "Hey B did you know we are like Third Cousins?"

Jason: "*slow blink* is this saying Cass and I are twins?"

Cass: *nodding* Tim: "B before you answer Dick's question, you want to tell me how well you knew my mom, and why was it well?"

Duke: *staring off in the distance* "I thought I was safe." Damien: "This is exactly what I expected."

-

Asks are welcome!

If you are inspired by anything, please send me a link I want to read it.

[johnconstantinesdick]

I get the criticism of the Hunters of Artemis from a narrative perspective—it sucks that it essentially boots interesting female characters out of the story—but it always baffles me when people viciously hate Artemis for *checks notes* doing damage control.

Like. Thalia explicitly goes with Artemis to avoid the prophecy, and I definitely think that’s the reason Artemis tried so hard to get her to join—hell, you can view the hunters trying to recruit Annabeth as a way to get Thalia to join. And Bianca? You can’t convince me that Artemis didn’t guess there was something up there and react accordingly.

If Percy or Nico were even a little bit girl-adjacent you bet your ass she would be all over them to join. No one actually wants to risk the Great Prophecy happening, and Artemis is doing a hell of a lot more to stop it than anyone else.

[twistedappletree]

jin ling: *blasting ‘good luck, babe!’ by chappell roan in his room for the 39374737373th time in a row*

jiang cheng in the kitchen, rubbing his temples: which lan kid do i have to beat up now?

[wasty28]

Shocked by the sheer lack of Mafia!Au in the lcf/tcf Fandom.

Why is there none? Have you seen the way Cale acts ? The way he sometimes uses underhanded methods bordering on illegal to get to his goal while posing like a benefactor in front of the society ? Kidnapping, Torturing, looting religious/official treasures ? The mere existence of the Molans in his vicinity ? The revenge for Raon act ?

When Cale said:

[SPOILER AHEAD]

"There is an unchanging fact in the world...You don’t mess with family" to the WS he was not joking.

Before learning that Earth 1 was post apocalyptic and the whole backstory I really pictured KRS to be part of some underground corporation or gang involved in shady things. What's with:

-Team leader? -That's a very particular phrasing-taking him in-with no context

-Him saying he treated his work as normal office work when it supposedly was not? In which way ?

-The whole taking the reins of the team after alluded DEATH of the team leader??? Caused by what ? Or who ?

-Flimsy flashback of them all beaten up and sore on the ground after a "mission" hasn't gone as planned ? How tf was I supposed to know they were fighting monsters !?

-The whole I didn't want to get close to my coworkers to protect them shit ? What why ?? Of what ?

-Just the general way he acts super efficiently as Cale henituse and accommodatly ignores the law when he wants(for good reasons but still !)

-That one official art of Cale posing with SUPER BUFF laded with scars ???! KRS at the back

My brain was totally going off rails, but that's not the point. What I mean is there is exceptional potential here.

Though I don't know shit about cartels, gangs, or mafiosi, I can see the missed opportunity.

Give me that modern!au that slaps.

I wanna see guns, car races, corruption, scams that chaotic energy with things going boom boom in the background, children who shouldn't be there, and Bob. Lots of Bob.

I wanna see future politician!Alberu being totally gobsmacked that this trashy young master, with a failed idol carrier due to all the rumors and scandals related to his personality turns out to be his most trusted ally for the elections and apparently has more than one hand in the underground world and cartel mafiosi also stopping human trafficking, terrorism and slowly but surely preparing for war on a continental scale on the side, is his only match in term of wits and efficiency.

And this fucker says he wants to be a slacker. Haha! Make him prime minister.

[minty364]

DPXDC Prompt #105

Danny knew he wasn’t from this dimension. He wasn’t sure how he knew but it was something that he felt deep in his core that was true. Something’s just didn’t feel right sometimes and it also felt like the things that were happening were off or wrong somehow. His parents on his 15th birthday came out to tell him that he was adopted and that just cemented the feeling that he wasn’t from here. He goes to Ghost Writers library to look for anything that could help him and he finds a summoning request, basically you can request that someone summons you as long as you’ve got a vague idea of who it is. Danny asks to be summoned by his birth father.

Pick anyone from DC to be his dad but ima go with Batman for this example just because it’s Bruce LMAO. Batman suddenly gets a piece of paper that requests him summon the Ghost King and while everyone is terrified about what such an entity want’s especially since it’s Batman. Everyone is further confused when a teen gets summoned and looks around the room at all the superheroes in awe.

[izzystizzys]

The war doesn’t end with a bang, strictly speaking. It doesn’t even end with a political forum, or peace talks, or a slow, wheezing death of the Banking Clan’s pockets running dry, even though all of those are valid possibilities. Some more than others, Cody has to admit.

No, the war ends with an article in the Galaxy’s least reputable news source, Coruscant Rotational. Splashed on the front page for all to see is Cody’s little brother, next to the Chancellor.

CLONE MEWS CHANCELLOR TO DEATH IN MOGGING MOVE FOR THE AGES - LOOKSMAXXING TAKEN TOO FAR?

“What”, says Obi-Wan, eye twitching, fingers massaging over the bridge of his nose at double their usual speed, a real sign of an impending nervous breakdown if Cody’s ever seen one, “the kriff does that even mean?!”

Rex shrugs helplessly with one shoulder, other arm raised aimlessly. “No idea, General. I only understand about half those words. Maybe we’re all having a collective stroke? Maybe Fox is having a stroke? Whatever he’s doing with his jaw in that picture can’t be healthy.”

“Well, not for the late Chancellor, anyways”, says Cody flatly, in the long-suffering tone of one who’s seen too much Jedi banthashit in too little time. He screws his eyes tightly shut, scrubbing the backs of his knuckles in hard enough to see galaxies explode. Nope, still the same words on that datapad.

“It can’t be true”, says Skywalker, who’d gone white as a shitty military-issue sheet and has been steadily pacing the room ever since the equivalent of a sonic bomb hit the room. “I mean - think about it, this could just as well be a Separatist ploy, it would play right into their hands, and Coruscant Rotational isn’t exactly the most reputable source -“

“True enough”, says Obi-Wan, thoughtfully. “They do like getting their facts mixed up. In fact, I’ve seen about six articles just this month proclaiming our dear friend Senator Amidala’s super secret pregnancy. They even falsified hospital records, can you imagine?!”

Somehow, Skywalker loses another shade of colour, gulping soundlessly, and resumes his pacing more frenetically than before. Weird guy, that.

It’s Rex who breaks the awkward stillness of the room, perking up suddenly. “Oh, I know! Why don’t we call in Commander Tano?! She’s about the right age to understand some of this dribble, right?”

“I was going to suggest calling Corrie HQ, but sure, let’s ask the teenage soldier from the space monk order who spends all her spare time hunting your legion for sport”, says Cody, dryly. Rex deflates, and Thorn’s tinny voice sounds through Cody’s comm before he can make his reply. “Marshall Commander, I assume this is about the News.” Ominous capitalisation, ooooh, mouths Rex, and receives the nearest datapad Cody can reach to the face for his troubles with a squawk. The fact that he can read that sentence off his lips means their legions have spent far too much time together, and also that Cody’s grown soft in his old age.

“Good to hear you too, Thorn, and yes, we do have some questions concerning why the kriff my vod’ika is accused of murdering the chancellor through what I can only assume is some secret Sith magic?!”

“Oh, you mean when he defeated the actual Sith on the Senate through the power of his superior mog and made the kriffer explode in a thousand wrinkly pieces? You’re welcome, by the way”, says Thorn, instead of literally anything sane.

“Commander”, begs Cody’s General, with something glistening that might actually be tears in his eyes. “Commander, please. I do not understand any of those words. I am begging you to put me out of my misery.”

PALPATINE??? SITH?????!!!, screams Skywalker in battlesign, somehow spelling out each individual question and exclamation mark.

“It’s a game we’ve started playing in the Guard, sir, to pass time on patrol”, says Thorn, sheepishly, cowed by nearly driving the High General Kenobi to tears. “We’d do stupid faces we found the holonet, and, uh - well Fox is so high on black-market morphine most of the time cause we don’t get bacta that he sleepwalks on assignment sometimes, and, uh, he started making them at the Chancellor during a holocall meeting with Count Dooku and then the Chancellor tried to electrocute him again but accidentally blew himself up-“

“Breathe, Commander”, says Obi-Wan, and then - “That is SO much information I don’t know what to do with, Force preserve me. Why is Commander Fox on black-market morphine, or sleepwalking, or making faces at-“

“He signs reports in his sleep too, sometimes”, Thorn interrupts the General. “It’s actually kind of impressive if, y’know, it didn’t make Stabby bust another capillary in pure rage.”

“Who’s Stabby?”, asks Obi-Wan, confused.

“Meeting with Count Dooku?!”, bursts out Skywalker.

“Congratulations on Amidala’s pregnancy, General Skywalker”, says Thorn, like a man who wants to see the world burn.