#disconnected rant

[disconnected-from-the-world]

Imagine my pain when my achievement hunter ass checks how many percent I have of achievements and my calculator shows 31%.

THIRTY ONE PERCENT!

I'm planning to get to 50% before the year ends, but I dread the finale of LFOS, DALS, LSE, HHW. All of them have barely any achievments right now, which is kinda scary. LFOS and HHW will be easy to get 100% and surprisingly I kinda like them although they are not my cup of tea. I'm nearly finished with the chapters that are available, but I have to replay LFOS as I started that book way before the achievements came. It's gonna be fun and cute. Best to replay it when uni starts and I will need something for just entertainment, since there is no heavy drama, gory murders or convoluted plot.

DALS and LSE on the other hand... They're giving me a fucking migraine. I lost all interest in DALS and it's already a chore to go through it for just Noe, if they go with catch all pokemons in this story to get one achievment like in HS2 or SOS I'm gonna throw my phone at a wall. It wouldn't be so hard if the plot still made sense and there was no hiatus, and Sandra wasn't so sidelined of course. I understand that Veronica has her problems, but it feels like a joke now. The book started when I was in highschool and in October I'm starting my final year of my BA. The thought that I may start doing my MA and DALS is still not finished is terrifying. And mind you, I loved DALS when it came out. I'm a big fan of Ottoman Empire history and vampires. So it was my fav before s2 ended.

And LSE, I love it, genuinely love it. But Tepish what the fuck is that number of possible endings? Don't think that I'm not happy about it but oh my how many replays do we have to do to see at least 10% of them. If that one redditor is right and it's like 190 something endings than RC better not fuck with silly people like me that need to get all the achievments by making one achievment something like see all the possible endings. I would still do it cause I'm a dumbass but still...

Even making catch all pokemons achievement here would be terrifying. 7 love interest with ending if we not count the vampires (since they already have an achievement).

But yeah, all bad thoughts go away since Paradox will get his own ending. I'm gonna do an RC circle. From destroying his plans in my first (and favourite) RC story to romancing him many books later.

Sorry for that world salad, gotta love RC for all that feelings it creates and many amazing stories.

Please RC more monster LIs ���

[theribbajack]

"Now, the vow will be honoured, and my Lord brother's soul will return."

Radahn stans keep winning, but I personally am in Miyazaki's walls rn

[moth-tea-merchant]

As cool as Cerus knowing if you've killed Deimos is or as funny as the "It's just like Gorseval!" Line in Bava Nesos is, it irritates me that they keep bringing Raid lore into current story while continuing to LACK STORY MODE RAIDS!!

Like listening I'm a filthy sweaty try hard meta build playing endgamer, and I have many endgamer friends who I can do raids with. But not everyone does! A VAST MAJORITY OF GW2 PLAYERS DON'T TOUCH RAIDS so like WHY incorporate their Raid lore into Main Story lore when you don't even have easy peasy Story mode for Raids???

Like getting into raids is a CHORE. Unless you land a guild that does raids ou need to join discords and hope that anyone runs practices runs bcs NA LFGs are dead the majority of the time. And while EU LFGs are lively they demand you ping 466356 KP or full leggy armor. And then you need to hope you land in a static full of pleasant try-hards and not annoying try-hards. And this isn't to discourage anyone from trying to get into Raids! But I say all this bcs there's a freaking reason the percentage of endgame players are low

This got long but basically what I'm bitching about is my take that they should stop incorporating raid lore into the main storyline until they make story mode raids. Bcs otherwise 90% of players won't understand what's happening

[toxiccaves]

I think what a lot of tumblr-only people are missing about twitter failing, is that it was always a better website when it came to small businesses, instant world event news, fact checking, having users from all over the world, being a source for disaster relief information or warnings, and anything else to keep people up to date with going ons.

Sure, tumblr has many users from all over, but the website is still largely english biased and not nearly as widespread as twitter. I know a lot of news and knowledge comes in on here too. I've learned a lot and see a lot of donation posts in regards to world events, but its nothing like twitter unless you know who to follow. Not to mention, half the news I got here, was days later and from twitter to begin with.

Seeing that being taken away in favor of hate speech and enabling abusers (with the recent potential of getting rid of the block feature over there) and pushing blue user comments to the top (aka elon's weird fans), drowning out anyone else on popular posts, sucks! It sucks for the world and small businesses. because there's really no alternative to it right now.

The site's running rampant with spam and scammers and its becoming more and more unusable by the day. And some people think it's silly to be upset over it or "you shouldn't have all your eggs in one basket" well there only is one basket! This is literally people's livelihoods people seem to be making fun of anytime a change happens that breaks the site and people post all their socials.

And everyone from every country is talking about different websites they're considering, and its splitting up our connection to the world. And surely he knew who this was hurting with every decision.

[harryinramshackle]

I do low-key wanna post art of non-twst f/os and self ship art but like when I say that I doubt people expect it with Daryl fucking Dixon from The Walking Dead

[thesunxlx]

So are we ever going to talk about how 97% of contests for illustrators and visual artists are organized so that the organizer gets hundreds of options FOR FREE for their new merch, poster or whatever it is the art is going to be printed on? It’s like commissioning hundreds of artists without paying, or, if the winner wins money, paying just one out of all the entries you had which might I remind you are not project drafts or proposals, they are full fledged finished artworks.

If I had a nickel for every contest that was set up just so that they don’t have to pay an illustrator to make the stuff they want to make I literally would be a millionaire. And what saddens me is that artists fall for it a lot of the times.

If “exposure” doesn’t pay when your cousin’s friend asks you to draw their picture, it likewise won’t work when these people do it. And that’s what they say if you actually win the contest. If you lose, congrats, you’ve just worked for free. And bear in mind, I’m talking specifically about contests with a set theme where you have to do a lot of intellectual work to submit something that will make sense for what is being requested, I’m not talking about contests where you can just repurpose your old work. Another disclaimer I’ll make is that I’m talking specifically about contests where the winner illo gets printed on merch, becomes the cover art for something, or published in some way. So that means we’re providing someone who is not a client with our full time attention and money, if like in a lot of these contests, there’s a subscribing fee to pay or travel expenses or printing expenses. Or literally the materials used to make the art.

I genuinely don’t understand why so many of us still do these. I maybe understand if someone’s a student and needs practice, but if you’re a working artist I don’t. Now more than ever we need to establish that visual artists, illustrators, character designers, everyone deserves to be paid like any other professional, and if these people can go through the hassle of setting up a whole contest they also have the means of contacting agencies or browsing portfolios to choose an illustrator. Or hire an art director to do it for them.

So no, I won’t be submitting any work for your posters for free. Fuck y’all

[ace-and-the-rpg-horrors]

just loveeeee when the Co-op room disbands when the song i picked is chosen. like. okay. i'll just go fuck myself shall i

[thisismycorneroftheinternet]

Also, on a completely different hot take of the day (I'm full of those today IG), I am ever so disappointed at mainstream media's take of a "weird girl" being just like, mildly quirky girl who is a bit too ditzy or a bit too loud but is still endearing and funny and popular and all. Save for Toph specifically in the cartoon version of Avatar: the Last Airbender, and Utena and Anthy in Revolutionary Girl Utena, I legit cannot think of another show or movie where the "weird girl" isn't just like, "uwu I'm so cute when I'm being a little dummy/tough" or "hehe sparkledogz funneh memeh rainbow stickers" type of girl. No I am not saying that I don't like these representations, like, Mabel Pines and Star Butterfly and the Sailor Senshi and so on are pretty cool but they're DEEPLY disappointing for me who grew up as a "weird girl" who was anything but endearing and funny and popular, and as a matter of fact was just considered a weirdo and bullied severely for being so weird and offputting to my classmates and beyond. I wish I could see more actually weird girls in media in general, girls who are not endearing in the way they are weird and offputting, who are not just "sparkle sparkle le random" types but who would bite off other people for pissing them off or overstepping their boundaries, who would throw tantrums and scream at others for being overwhelmed or upset, who have actually weird hobbies like insect keeping or bone collection or other things of the sort that would make others feel wigged out by them. I wish to see more weird girls.

[ent1ty03]

Y'know when you experience a weird disconnection between your thoughts and emotions? Wants, needs and dreams? When reality sorta blends with the virtual landscape seemingly becoming one and it kinda feels like your constantly watching through a screen?

Idk lol I'm a little loopy thanks to being high on the flu... or some illness... hmm... probably is affecting my mind as I'm writing this

ANyway, this is not a new thing, its been here for a bit. Weirdly enough during exam week (i made it through YIPPEE), I think the fact I had to be constantly studying grounded me so significantly in reality those feelings subsided to some degree. But now, today after the exams, I have a whole lot more free time now that I'm not constantly analysing new texts. I'm suddenly driven to have my mind snatched away from physical reality by a profound amount of fiction analysis, mc, music and art/animation content on youtube.

I have such strong cravings to be entertained and to simply exist, and this is not just- I'm really tired and sick ahh blargh i can't do anything adfgjhkflgh- I think it's some form of inspiring yet degrading habits that have trained my brain to endulge itself in content as a form of escapism or dopamine, I have no idea haha.

I say inspiring, as often certain genres within that content are super helpful, such as the analysis and or tutorial videos, helping me to process my life and motivate me into spending my time in a fun way, just being creative and myself, not simply part of a view-count for the next viral vid.

Which in itself brings up another weird point- how degrading sometimes to youtube algorhithmn can be, especially with the audience, this normalised version of acceptance for the audience to simply be viewed as statistics on a screen, not irl people like how a musician performing to a live audience on stage might view their audience.

Is this too much of a tangent? Ha, sorry, just had a bit on my mind, and now I'm finding all these parrallels.

Anyway x2, when I do want to act upon this motivation, its so stupid how it feels sometimes like I'm walking through honey or something so sticky, and my body, every fibre of me is almost, just almost, screaming at me, sending all these alarms off.

But when I do get settled into something, get invested, I am in it: you cannot stop me xD, I just get in the zone and its amazing and terrifying all at once, as it becomes so hard to now stop what I am doing, and once again face these alarm bells and the feeling like fingers are prying at my skin.

I think that for the most part is the reason I get so nervous and hesitant surrounding starting new creative projects, and I think (?) most people experience a similar thing to varying degrees. You're kinda stepping into the unknown, and that's terrifying.

To anyone who comments on these ranty, tanegnty, posts to add their opinion, genuinely thank you.

It feels like my voice is being heard and responded to... sometimes saying stuff like this is really hard irl, even if I am so fortunate enough to be surrounded by amazing people.

But yeah, THAT"S MY LIFE XD, stuck in this weird void in between wanting to do stuff and go towards my dreams so bad but dreading, not even the task itself, but the simple action of starting or leaving.

I think when I'm in that space, it might (?) be related to control, and the human need for consistency (?)

bruh my dog is literally scooching her butt on my bedroom rug making grunting oises as I'm writing this- genuinely universe- WHAT IS THIS??!!??

BUt ha, anyway, hope anyone who ends up reading this monologue- (ha, get it? Name pun- oooooooOooHHhhhhh- your mu-)

Thank you for your time, and I hope you have a fantastic rest of your day :P <3

[magnolia-sunrise]

you ever feel so in love with your own OC-

(probably wont be able to finish this today... but maybe this weeks # Wolfgang Wednesday 🤫watch this space etc )

[luvvyd0vey]

The way I look is not me.

The way I look sure influences the way others perceive me which may or may not influence my perception of myself, correctly or incorrectly, but the way I look when I see myself in the mirror is not the way I see myself.

I am my interests, my Pinterest boards, my prized projects and possessions, and most of all my hands, the only part of myself which I really perceive as me - which helps create the projects made of me and the art made of me and the actions I myself preform.

When I look in a mirror, I do not see me, it's not that I dislike what I see, it's pleasant enough, but it just isn't me. It's jarring in a way to not see myself the way I perceive myself to be, especially when I am hit with the realisation that my appearance in the mirror is all others see of me, for the most part.

To look in the mirror and not recognise myself often leaves me rather lost.

[spoopieere]

I want to thank that one Fight Club -Soapshipping artist that changed my artstyle forever. I hope you know my art was never the same after I saw yours. <3

[wanderingmind867]

I hate the disconnect between my voice (as I hear it) and my voice (as it sounds on recordings). It often makes me feel like there's no way i could ever do anything with my voice. My maternal grandfather said he thought i should be on the radio, and my dad has always said i should do voice acting. I sort of get it, as i do read out loud (and i sometimes do voices when reading). But my problem comes from one thing: the way my voice sounds on recording. It makes my voice sound deeper than I think it actually is, and so there's this awful disconnect.I've heard lots of people have this problem with their voices. But still. I absolutely hate recordings of myself, because they make me feel so insecure.

[autisticlee]

I have realized I need more friends, especially a specific type of friend (chill, positive, very nice and gentle, shares interest in my interests, etc) so I've been putting a lot of time and effort and energy into trying to make a new friend, but I don't think it's working D: I genuinely don't know how to do it. I used to ask people if we can be friends but learned thats not correct and even got called creepy for it before...so i'm just exhausting myself for no reason because nothing is being reciprocated the way I want or need it to be.

i'm trying to learn about the person and tailoring my scripts to match them and what they seem to like about people they are friends with. but so far i'm not getting much reaction outside of general kind acknowledgment that all random strangers get. i'm trying so hard not to ramble or rant about anything or be "too negative" like i've been called many times for simply stating a related/relatable fact about myself. i'm trying to ask questions more questions like ive been told to do. i'm saying nice and positive things whenever I get the chance like i always do. i'm doing all the things people have advised me to do when ive asked advice, but it still feels like i'm looking through a window and not allowed to walk through the door! but see everyone else getting invited inside. I genuinely don't know what to do and how to make it better 🥲

when I look back in the past and how I made friends or starter talking to people, it always came from trauma bonding....often it would start from or be carried along by a shared interest, but one of the dominating factors was always trauma bonding and ramling and ranting at each other about the trauma we have gone through that relates to each other. I felt like I needed it at the time and felt like it helped, but now i've reached a point where it's too exhausting to go through repeated exposure to trauma stories and reexperiencing ny own traumas. plus it usually ends in failure and me adding more trauma to my plate because they have issues and lash them out at me, or decide they are upset that I have my own issues they trigger, and I do not want to do that anymore.

I don't want to befriend people through or to trauma bond. I don't want to befriend people who only want to talk about negative things or people who bring out those things in me. I want some positive and chill and fun friends. but I genuinely do not know how else to make friends. I don't know how to do it right. I don't know how to talk to people correctly. I don't know how to do any of this without trauma dumping/ l listening to trauma dumping and using that as the gateway to form friendships.

I don't know how to have friends that don't share same interests either, but I have realized that's only part of it. that part is fine I think. maybe that's the normal part. (it's my autistic intensity that's the "not normal" part and losing friends as soon as one of us loses that interest) but how do I befriend someone positively off of similar interests only, and not drop my dark lore or avoid letting them drop their dark lore and using that as the bridge? I simply can't figure out how to connect with people in any other way than the whole "I understand what you're going through/you're not alone/I'm here for you/this is a safe space you can come to" thing I tried building up my whole life. but that's only been exhausting and leads to dead ends.

I don't know how to form strong and positive connections with other humans, despite following every tutorial and advice I could find. I even tried heavily masking and learned I'm just no good at it, and I can't figure out if i've acted myself out of a personality, or if it's just a dissociative disorder causing me to have like 20 different ones (working with therapist now who is evaluating me for osdd/did because she says my dissociative levels are concerning. and honestly i feel like part if not all of it is due to my negative people experiences....so i really need positive ones!) i've been trying to keep all my rambles and rants and negative thoughts and feelings to this blog only. i'm not here on this blog to make friends. this is purely for me and myself and I. if anyone relates they are welcome to reply/comment or send an ask and share, but i'm not going to pursue a friendship over it.

I only want to accept positive and chill and fun friendships over my special interests and smaller interests (I have a whole other blog for just those) BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT. NOTHING ANYONE TELLS ME WORKS. i'm trying so hard to bond over interests with people but just cannot form any connections no matter how hard I try. it remains me being the only one to ever reach out and give (time/energy/attention/etc) while they can easily have 4747373 other friends and people they enjoy and care about and talk to and hang out with. so I don't think it's them. it has to be me. (I've had people saying it's not me, it's the people I try to talk to and I need to find other people. or even "the right people" but i'm not told how to do that or what it means. and i've spent years flipping through people like clothes on a rack and it's so tiring!!!!!)

don't know know what to do or how to do it, but need human interaction and genuine strong connection and can't force self stop craving that 😭😭😭😭😭

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

me desperately trying to outrun my writer’s block for the fiftieth time this week

[bobfloydsbabe]

I’m taking a short break from tumblr. I need some time off the internet and some breathing room while I get my head sorted.