#even dreamt about dogs last night

[david-watts]

it’s a cliche to want to kill myself this close to the end of the year, if that saying that most people off themselves around this time of year is true. but ooh look at me who is too lazy to do anything properly because nothing I do is ever good enough and maybe? maybe that’s fuckin true

[forzalando]

you were in my dream

request: random playlist shuffle request from @maplesyrupsainz!! maddie - i already told you this but i wrote this because i love you hahaha and maybe i will add carlos back into the list of drivers i write for. tbd. we will see what the people think. i hope you like it, love you lots💛💛 song: you were in my dream by laur elle summary: you have a not-so-friendly dream about your best friend. enough said. pairing: carlos sainz x f!reader wc: 1.5k warnings: cursing, descriptions of steamy makeout, 17+

Carlos was, to put it mildly, very confused.

He had passed you a total of 17 times today while running around for media duties, (yes, he was counting) and each time you turned away from him as if he was a complete and total stranger.

You weren’t in a mood – he could see you chatting with Charles, briefly hugging Oscar, laughing with Lando and Max, all of which, admittedly, left a piercing pain in his chest and a disgusting jealous feeling swirling in his stomach.

After another hour without a word from you, Carlos made his way round to every person he’d seen you speak to that day – hoping that they might have some insight into what was going on.

Lando, of course, smiled as he saw his friend approaching, but soon noticed the frown on his face as he walked closer.

“Is she angry with me?” Carlos exhaled, not even a hello or how are you for his close friend.

“Is who angry with you?”

“Y/N! She has been ignoring me all day – I saw her with you, with Charles, with Oscar, with every person around. But me? It’s like I don’t exist.”

“She didn’t say anything specifically but now that you mention it, she did seem a bit flustered when I asked if she knew where you were.”

“Ay dios, what did I do? I walked her to her room last night after dinner and everything was perfectly fine!”

Meanwhile, you were hiding in the back of the Ferrari garage, a fairly secluded spot that you’d discovered earlier in the day. Successfully? Not at all – it only took Alexandra three minutes to find you sitting in a corner with a Ferrari jacket haphazardly thrown over your frame. She’d tried to coax you out, but only when Leo wiggled his way into your lap did you show any signs of life and break your silence to coo at the perfect little dog.

“There she is,” Alex smiled. “Now, tell me and Leo what you are doing hiding over here all by yourself?”

You groaned and handed Leo over to his Mama, using your now free hands to hide your heating face. “Oh god, I should’ve just stayed at the hotel. I thought I would be fine, this is so embarrassing.”

“Que s'est-il passé? You didn’t seem unwell at dinner last night, did you get sick in your room?”

Alex’s frantic mix of French and English and her worried expression made you feel even more guilty – this was dramatic, so beyond dramatic, but you were in a downward spiral and maybe she was just what you needed to yank yourself out of it.

“No, I…I had a dream,” you muttered. “It’s so stupid, but I don’t know what to do! How to act! I’m genuinely freaking the fuck out, Alex.”

“A nightmare? Are you afraid? Oh, Y/N, that’s not stupid but you’re safe here. Do you want me to go get Carlos? He’ll want to know what’s going on – ”

“NO,” you shouted too forcefully. “No, please don’t go get him, I can’t even look at him right now. You have one dream about your best friend and suddenly you can’t function.”

“You dreamt about Carlos? I don’t understand, what did you – ” Alex’s voice trailed off, a look of realization crossing her face.

“Oh, oh,” she smirked. “Y/N, you naughty girl!”

“It wasn’t even like that, we were just making out on his couch, ok heavily making out on his couch, and I can’t look at him without my stomach flipping or fearing I’m going to start drooling. He’s one of my closest friends, I’ve never thought about him like…that.”

“Oh come on,” she rolled her eyes. “Never? Not once? In three years of friendship?”

“Maybe once or twice,” you mumbled guiltily. “God, what’s wrong with me? I can’t stop thinking about it – his arms, his mouth, everything, it felt so real.”

“Is now a good time to tell you that I think you have feelings for him and you’ve been pushing them down? Because you think he doesn’t feel the same? And this dream is just everything spilling over?”

Your mouth fell open and you scrambled for a retort – anything to say back to her to refute her claims, but all you could do was sigh and shake your head.

“I’m so pathetic,” you grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Mi sol, don’t say such things,” a familiar voice chimed from behind you. Before you could get to your feet to make an excuse and bolt, Carlos plopped down next to you. “Now, no more running away from me, ¿bueno?”

“I’ll find you later,” Alex called out sweetly as she hurried away, Leo’s ears flopping comically as he barked back at you.

The heat of Carlos’s body next to yours made your stomach turn, his arms so close to you, almost as close as they were when they were wrapped around your body, holding you tightly against his chest, heavy breathing in your ear and –

“Y/N? Are you listening?” He nudged his shoulder against yours lightly, ripping the mental image away from you.

“Yes, I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“I want to know why you’ve been avoiding me. Why are you so angry with me?”

Your face fell instantly – guilt creeping in and taking over from the other feelings. “Oh, Carlos, I’m not angry with you. I had a dream and you were in it but it’s unimportant, I was being…ridiculous. I’m sorry, mi querido.”

Carlos brightened at the use of the term of endearment – not uncommon at all between the two of you and a sure sign that everything was fine.

“You don’t have to apologize. If I made you uncomfortable in your dream and you needed space, that is perfectly fine. I just wish I would have known before I panicked.”

“No, no, you didn’t make me uncomfortable, you never could.”

“Well, then what was I doing?”

You swore the garage grew ten degrees hotter – a bead of sweat forming on your neck where hickeys would have been if your dream had been as real as it felt. A heavy swallow and a deep exhale, you looked everywhere but at him, suddenly intensely interested in the spare tires to your right.

“Y/N,” he whispered, his breath hot on your neck, his hand cupping your chin to turn your head gently towards him. “Dime.”

All it took was one quick flicker of your eyes down to his lips for a smirk to spread across his face. Before you could even breathe, his nose was bumping against yours and the closeness of him made your head spin. 

He kissed you so softly, gently, his hand cupping your face and his thumb gently rubbing back and forth. So different from what you’d shared in the depths of your mind the night before but surpassing it exponentially in every conceivable way – dreams would never come close to this, never compare to the reality in front of you.

A shout from somewhere in the garage caused the two of you to jolt apart, the sudden realization of where you were sinking in quickly. 

“How did I compare?” He asked cheekily, rising to his feet and offering a hand to pull you up after him. 

Your head was still spinning - your chest heaving from a fairly innocent kiss, god, you were wrecked. Carlos, however, took your silence as the exact opposite - doubt crept into his mind, worried that he’d read everything wrong and let his own feelings guide his actions. 

His sweet, doe brown eyes searched yours for something, anything, to ease his panic. And then, you smiled - wide, bright, blinding, and lovesick. 

“You were perfect,” you finally answered, a sigh of relief leaving Carlos at the sound of your voice. “But, I would’ve preferred the dream setting. Comfortable couch, no prying eyes, no Ferrari polo, among other things.”

“Other things?” Carlos pressed, a wicked grin on his face.

“Yeah, you told me you loved me,” you whispered.

His lips morphed into a soft smile - gone was the playfulness and tension, replaced by tenderness, adoration, and something saccharine. You felt his fingers brushing against yours and reached out to let him grasp your hand in his, the warmth of his palm grounding you in this moment.

“I can do that,” he admitted bashfully. “But, not here. You deserve more than that. When I’m done we can go back to the hotel, grab dinner, and…talk.”

You smirked, mimicking his tone from before. “Talk?” 

“Among other things.”

The sound of your laughter followed Carlos as he walked towards his team, urging them respectfully to get him through the rest of his day as quickly as possible.

[incorrectbatfam]

What are their go to conversation starters?

Alfred: Lesson #18 of behaving like a human being: initiating conversations.

Alfred: At a formal event, you are expected to engage with others in an appropriate manner. For this exercise, I want you to pretend I'm a guest and impress me.

Dick: Good evening, sir. I really appreciate you having here. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to ask.

Dick: *smiles and gives Alfred a firm handshake*

Alfred: Excellent job, except one thing.

Alfred, holding up his arm: It was not necessary to take my watch. You're not a mission, Master Dick.

Dick: But what if I am?

Alfred: That's a lesson for another day. Next.

Jason: Now, hypothetically, if a very bad man killed your son, wouldn't YOU—

Alfred: That's enough. Next.

Tim: My name's Tim and I'm afraid of wasps because they have a photographic memory of all who wronged them.

Alfred: Dismissed. Next.

Damian: *walks away to play with the dog*

Alfred: We'll come back to him. Next.

Duke: Wanna beta-read my Luke Fox Final Fantasy MMA AU fanfic?

Cullen: Wanna beta-read my Destiel Superhell fix-it fanfic?

Alfred: Next.

Steph: Last night I dreamt I was a waffle, but I was also the plate and the fork and myself eating the me-waffle.

Alfred: That's disturbing, next.

Cass: *stares*

Alfred: You are supposed to say something.

Cass: Something.

Alfred, sighing: Next.

Barbara: Hi, I'm Barbara. You must be Alfred, right? How are you liking the party?

Alfred, acting: I'm enjoying it very much, thank you.

Barbara: Okay, so you didn't notice me remotely disabling an army of robot cockroaches. Phew!

Alfred: We were so close. Next.

Harper: Can you believe it? Some asshole disabled my robo-roaches.

Alfred: For the last time, Miss Harper, no robotic insects at galas. Next.

Carrie: Hello, sir. Can I get you anything?

Alfred, acting: A glass of water would be nice.

Carrie: Sure thing. One cup of locally sourced water, coming right up.

Alfred: Never mind. Next.

Kate: Your daughter is hot.

Alfred: Wrong answer. Next.

Helena: Tell me everything you know about the Maroni family or so help me—

Alfred: Different script, Miss Helena. Please turn to page 67 for gala conversations.

Luke: What does it mean when someone you know sends you their fanfiction about yourself?

Alfred, rubbing his temples: Next, please.

Bette: Head's up!

Bette: *spikes a volleyball*

Alfred, catching it: Next.

Selina: Wanna see pictures of my cats?

Bruce: Wanna see pictures of my kids?

Alfred:

Alfred: I think we should start again from the top.

[grace-writes-shit]

Hopelessly Devoted (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Words: 3.7K

Warnings/Themes: Domestic Life, Domestic Fluff, Talk of marriage, Talk of having kids, Marriage Proposal

Characters/Pairings: Bucky x Reader, Dr. Raynor

“How are things going with Y/N?”

He stared at the wall behind the woman. Can’t really say ‘older woman,’ seeing as how he is practically twice her age. But she does look older, he thought to himself. And she likes to nag like his grandmother did.

“Fine. Things are fine.” He’d do anything to be out of this room and with Y/N instead. He’d rather be with her than do anything else, in fact. That’s how ‘fine’ things are going.

“And you two are still doing your own exercises at home?” She questioned him again, her passive-aggressive notebook still sitting on the table next to her. If he were being honest, the exercises he and Y/N did at home helped him far better than sitting in this room with this old crone.

“Yeah.”

“And how are those going?” Question after question. Y/N didn’t need to ask so many questions. She just knew. Granted, her ability to slip into others’ minds helped. Bucky hesitated before giving an answer. If he answered at all the Doc would see that as cooperation and he didn’t feel like doing that. If he lied, she would see through it. But if he told the truth… She would probably see it as progress, and he might be able to quit these court-mandated sessions soon. Truth it is.

“I didn’t have a nightmare last night,” he offered, not quite meeting her eyes, looking at the middle of her forehead. Her eyebrows rose.

“Good. That’s very good.” She paused to observe him; her gaze was cold and calculating compared to the one at home. The one that holds his gaze with so much love and understanding that it makes his chest feel like it was splintering.

“What did you dream about?” She asked.

“That’s kinda personal, Doc.” He hoped the lilt he forced into his voice would satisfy her, trying to imply it was some intimate dream about him and his girlfriend. In a way, it had been.

“This is therapy; it’s supposed to be personal.” She gave him a flat look. Darn. Bucky rubbed his palms on his jeans and looked out the window. He should have just lied.

“James, what did you dream about?” She asked again, her tone slightly softer. “Did you hurt her? In your dream?” She read his anxiousness wrong. Y/N wouldn’t have; even without her powers.

“I said I didn’t have a nightmare.” It would have been the worst nightmare he could possibly have. He couldn’t even bare to think of hurting her. Luckily, he has not had a dream of hurting her. Not after she had laid his ass flat multiple times with just a brush of her powers over his mind. Not after she shoved the soldier back into the basement of his mind when they first met in Berlin.

“So, it was a good one?”

“I didn’t say that.” No, but it had been. It was everything he had dreamed of. He and Y/N, married. A nice house with a white picket fence. The laughter of their kids in the backyard with their dog. And the two of them slow dancing in the kitchen, flour in her hair from baking. The sunlight was soft as it filtered through the lace curtains.

It was everything he had thought he’d have when he had come home from the War. But he never did.

And now that he was getting a taste of it… He didn’t feel like he deserved it.

A tone filled the room, some musical piece to indicate their session was over. It pulled him from reliving his dream. Saved by the bell.

“Well, we’ll pick up here next week, then.” She uncrossed her legs and grabbed her notebook, writing a few notes. He wasted no time to shoot off the couch and make his way to the door, barely mumbling a farewell to the Doc.

“But James,” she called as his metal hand wrapped around the door handle. He paused but didn’t look back at her. She sighed. “You do deserve whatever you dreamt about.” How she knew what kind of dream it had been was beyond him, but her words had his chest constricting.

“Bye, Doc.” He left the room.

Bucky returned to the Compound around lunchtime; he knew she would be in their shared apartment with food waiting. She always ordered the best comfort food on the days he had to see Dr. Raynor. Sushi.

Her singing reached his ears before he opened the door; the sweet sound sent his heart soaring. He smiled as he silently walked to the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe. She had yet to notice him, with her headphones in and her focus on the dough in front of her.

She was an absolute vision. Her hair was up in a messy bun, secured by a floral pattern scrunchie. She wore one of his white t-shirts that hugged her in all the right places, paired with floral pajama shorts. Simple white socks covered her usually frigid toes.

And she was singing like an angel. A song he hadn’t heard yet, though that was not a surprise. But man, did he sure love hearing her sing.

“My head is saying, ‘Fool, forget him.’ My heart is saying, ‘Don’t let go, hold on to the end,' that’s what I intend to do. I’m hopelessly devoted to you.” She swayed as she rolled up her dough, completely lost in her song.

He let her finish her song before coming up behind her, just as she was placing her unbaked cinnamon rolls in the pan to proof. She smiled as he wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“I was wondering when you’d come and give me a hug. You were standing over there staring at me like a creeper.” She chuckled, twisting in his hold after placing a tea towel over her pan. She removed her headphones and placed them and her phone on the counter.

“Sorry, I was enjoying the view too much.” He returned her smile before pressing a kiss to her lips. She grinned into the kiss, threading her floury hands into the short hair at the base of his neck. When they parted, their eyes locked, and he rested his forehead against hers. Their eyes glazed as he allowed her into his head.

It was something they both agreed on. After every session with Dr. Raynor, Bucky would report everything that had happened during the session, including the things he thought about but didn’t say out loud. They both knew it would be easier for him to open up about certain things with her over his shrink, so the issue was never pushed on him to be more open with the Doc.

“Hm… I have to say I agree with her parting statement,” Y/N remarked as she pulled away. “But first, let’s eat. I could feel how hungry you are.”

Bucky forced a smile and helped her set out the sushi she had kept in the fridge until he got home. She had ordered a lot more than she normally did. Probably because of his dream last night. He didn’t show her his dream. Rather, his emotions were so high during the dream that she somehow got sucked into his mind and was living it with him. They had a small talk about it that morning before his appointment.

They ate in comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying the food and each other’s company. This is why he preferred his exercises with Y/N over his sessions with Dr. Raynor. Y/N never pushed him to talk. Never used a notebook as a weapon to get him to talk. She was patient and warm and kind. She understood that adjusting to this new life of his was hard; especially after everything he has done.

Forced to do. He reminded himself. It was one exercise Y/N had him practicing. Just rewording his thoughts. He didn’t have to believe it, not yet, but he just had to say it to himself. Eventually, he’d find himself believing it, she had said. She said it with such conviction that he couldn’t help but believe her. Because that’s how she got herself out of her dark place.

“What was that song you were singing?” He asked after they had eaten their fill and were cleaning up. She nearly dropped the dish in her hand as she whipped her head around to look at him. You would have thought he had slapped her with the look of pure shock and offense on her face.

“Excuse me? What song-? What?” She sputtered and shook her head in disbelief. He gave an incredulous laugh at her behavior.

“Is it really that much of a surprise that I don’t know it?”

“Yes!” She answered quickly. “It absolutely is, seeing as how we’ve known and been together for literal years, now. I can’t believe we’ve never watched Grease!”

She didn’t give him time to question anymore as she snatched the plate from his hands and carelessly tossed it into the sink and began pushing him to the bedroom.

“Dishes can wait! You get your old ass into some comfy clothes while I set up the classroom, because you’re gonna learn just how great of a movie Grease is, and you are going to like it.” Her tone left no room for arguments as she gave him one last push into the bedroom before disappearing into the living room.

He chuckled but did as he was told and slipped into some gray sweatpants that Y/N had once told him were obscene, and a cozy black hoodie. He took an extra moment to grab the large, fluffy blanket from their bed so they could cuddle under it.

When he entered the living room the movie was already pulled up on Prime Video and she was nowhere to be seen. The smell and sound of popcorn cooking gave away her position in the kitchen, along with her singing.

He grinned and tossed the blanket onto the couch before sneaking into the kitchen. She had just pulled the bag out of the microwave and was putting it in the large bowl, two sodas already on the counter. Defenses down. Shot clear. She set the bowl down and reached for the candy in the cabinet. Taking the shot.

Swooping low, Bucky knocked her legs out with his arm under her knees, the other wrapping around her back and lifting her into the air. A shriek of surprise turned into laughter, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his face to hers. She gave him a loud, sloppy kiss.

“Should we get this show on the road?” He asked when they parted. She nodded and grabbed the bowl and candy and sodas, holding them in her lap as it seemed he wasn’t putting her down until they got to the living room.

He deposited her on the couch and sat next to her, pulling her legs onto his lap, and tossing the large blanket over them. She pressed play and nuzzled into his side. Bucky wrapped his arms tighter around her, kissing her temple.

As they watched, Bucky would ask questions or make comments on the characters. Y/N was happy to see him so engaged and genuinely enjoying the movie. Over the years, she would watch movies with him, trying to catch him up on pop culture. His favorites so far had been the original trilogy of Star Wars.

“Danny is a bit of a tool,” Bucky said out of nowhere. They had been sitting in silence during the prom scene and had finally reached the drive-in scene. Y/N left out a barking laugh at the sudden declaration.

“You know, he definitely is!”

><

By the time the movie ended, it was mid-afternoon, and Y/N was yawning. It was her usual nap time. Her work for Tony Stark and the Avengers usually had her sleeping at random times, just as inconsistent as Bucky’s sleeping schedule, mostly because part of her job was to help Bucky.

“How’d you like the movie?” She asked, stretching out her legs before standing from the couch.

“Definitely in the top ten.” Bucky’s eyes raked up her stretching form, the shorts, the way his shirt hugged her curves, and her messy bun at the top of her head. It all had him feeling like the luckiest man in the universe.

“Only the top ten? Why? And in what place?” She stood in front of him with her hands on her hips and a slight pout on her lips. This was definitely in the top five for her.

“Don’t get me wrong, the movie was great, and I loved it. But I’d probably place it at number six.” Okay, sixth place wasn’t that bad, just one movie away from being top five.

“Okay, so the top three I know is the Star Wars trilogy, and fourth place is the first Hobbit… But what is fifth place? What’s better than Grease?” She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. Bucky laughed awkwardly and looked away, a blush on his cheeks.

“Nothing…” He had seen this movie a couple of times and he loved it. The characters, the music, and the plot, it was all great. But it seemed… a little embarrassing for him to like it. He was still very old-fashioned and the style of dancing and clothing in this movie had him a little flustered.

“Oh, come on! What movie?” Y/N stepped forward until she stood between his legs and then bent over him, caging his head with her arms resting on the couch behind him. He turned his face to the side, not wanting to look into those inviting eyes.

She could just look into his mind with her abilities, but that would be an invasion of privacy and when she gained these powers, she vowed to never look into someone else’s mind without consent. Because consent is sexy.

“You can’t laugh.” He mumbled, still not making eye contact with his girlfriend. She rolled her eyes but smiled anyway.

“I’d never laugh at you, dear.” A blatant lie, they both knew.

“Liar.” Bucky reached up to pinch her side. She squealed and her knees buckled, allowing him to pull her onto his lap. “Just this morning you laughed at me because I asked where that kid’s parents were.”

Y/N let out another laugh as she recalled Bucky’s reaction this morning to a TikTok she had been watching. Some pre-teen girl was cursing about something wrong in her life and Bucky happened to catch the colorful language as he passed by.

Y/N definitely agreed with him, but coming from the 106-year-old soldier, it just sounded like the most grandpa response he could have come up with.

“Oh, but it was the cutest thing!” She snuggled into him, pressing her face into his bearded cheek. He let out a hmph and tried to turn his face away again. But her hands came up to hold him in place and she littered kisses all over his face. “Please, Buck? I won’t laugh.”

Bucky knew if he looked at her, he’d see those big puppy eyes and he would immediately crack. But her hands running over his chest and neck were having the same effect anyway. He tossed his head back against the back of the couch with a groan. She grinned, knowing she got him.

“Fine.” He hesitated for a moment, chewing on the inside of his lip. “It’s… di…cing..”

She tilted her head in confusion, “Come again?”

“Dirty Dancing! Okay? I like Dirty Dancing.”

Y/N had to press her lips into a tight line to stop the laugh that was bubbling up due to his outburst. She wasn’t laughing at his choice of movie, but just the way he said it. His face was bright red, and he was glaring up at the ceiling.

“Awww, Buck! That’s so cute!” She squealed and smothered him in kisses. He groaned and stood up, dropping her to the couch as she laughed.

“You lair! You said you wouldn’t laugh!” He made to stomp away but she rolled off the couch to the floor and grabbed his ankle.

“I’m not laughing at your choice of movie, I promise! I love that movie, too, Buck!”

“Nope, too late. Release me, you leech.” He began shuffling his way to their bedroom. She wrapped her arms around his ankle and forced him to drag her.

“Never!” She cried in defiance and reached up with one hand to tickle the back of his knee. He buckled and hit the ground. She could feel his panic as he began to army crawl away. She cackled evilly as she grabbed the back of his hoodie and dragged herself forward to straddle his back.

“No! Please! Lemme go- HA!” She had begun her assault on his sides. His scream-laughing had her chest filling with light and joy. It wasn’t so long ago that he never even smiled. So, to hear him let loose in such a way made her feel like the luckiest woman in the universe. To be able to have him like this. To love him like this. She wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Her fingers slowed until they rested along his scapulas. He turned his head to stare at her from the corner of one blue eye. His brows were drawn suspiciously. However, the soft smile on her face had his face relaxing into an easy smile. She leaned down and pressed a warm kiss to his stubbled cheek.

“I love you, Bucky,” She whispered in his ear before standing up. He was quick to his feet and even quicker to pull her into his arms. His lips sealed over hers in a chaste kiss.

“I love you more, Dollface.” He said in between peppering kisses over her face. She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning into his affections.

They both lived for days like this. It was a battle getting here, but it was well worth it. The calm that enveloped their cozy apartment, the warmth that filled everyone who entered. The quiet as they lay in bed, and the ruckus of them teasing each other. This was Bucky’s entire world. Right here. In her arms.

They had calmed down and were simply holding each other, both lost in thought of their love for the other. She gently stroked her fingers down the back of his head, letting her nails scrape against his scalp. She could feel the goosebumps rising under her other hand.

He was giving her the same treatment with his arms wrapped around her waist, his right hand tracing up and down her spine. He was so warm against her. She sighed contently against his skin, dropping a kiss to the space his shoulder met his neck. He hummed in happiness.

Oh yeah, he was going to make the dream he had last night come true. The second she fell asleep for her nap he was going to look up rings. And maybe a house. And at the shelter for a dog, or maybe a cat. Hell, he should look at baby cribs while he’s at it.

“What are you thinking about so hard, Bucky? I can smell smoke,” she teased. He grumbled and nipped her neck.

“Rude. And here I was thinking about how good you would look in a wedding dress.” He released her and tried to pull away. “But nevermind.”

“Wait! What?” She tightened her arms around him, preventing him from going anywhere, not like he truly planned to anyway. He was far too happy in her embrace to be out of it for long anyway. “You were thinking of me in a wedding dress? Is it because of your dream last night?”

Bucky stepped closer to her again, his hands on her hips stroking circles with his thumbs. “Well, yeah. Last night was the first time I dreamed of us being married… But it’s not the first time I thought about it.”

Hope and unadulterated joy filled her chest. Not a day went by since she confessed to him last year that she didn’t think of what it would be like to be called, Mrs. Barnes.

“Come here!” She pulled away from him and grabbed his hand, dragging him into their room. He had whiplash. One second he was saying he wanted to marry her and the next she was dragging him through their home.

In the bedroom, she went to the desk and pulled a notebook from the drawer. It was the one she kept with her during briefings and other meetings.

“Do you remember a few months ago when we were in a meeting and you asked what I was doodling?” She held the book to her chest nervously. Her feet were pressed together, fidgeting. He nodded slowly. He wasn’t entirely sure where she was going with this.

“Okay, well, I wasn’t really doodling… I was writing this.” She opened the notebook to a page in the middle and handed it over to him. He took it with shaking hands as hope and anticipation flooded his senses.

Mrs. Barnes <3

It was written over and over again on the page. Some with her first name. Some with her first and middle. She even looked to be practicing different signatures with Barnes as her last name.

“I’m sorry… it’s kinda weird, I’m just now realizing… We can forget it-”

He silenced her with a soul-searing kiss. He was never forgetting this. She wanted to marry him just as much as he wanted to marry her. Her hands dropped the notebook to instead grip his hoodie and pull him in closer.

When they pulled away their faces had matching love-drunk grins.

“I don’t have a ring and I don’t want to let you go to kneel, but will you, Y/N L/N, do me the very high honor of marrying me?” Bucky’s blue eyes peered into her own, bright and hopeful. She giggled and pulled him into a tight hug, her arms now around his neck and her lips against his ear.

“Of course, I will.”

[teenidlegirl]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀❛ 𝓜𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝓜𝐄 𝓗𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐖𝐀𝐘. ❜

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀❀ ˚◞ 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 : 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐬

ઇ ˚ ݂ ֹ ꒰ miguel o’hara 𝓍 fem!civilian!reader ꒱ ! ۟ ׅ ♡

ׄ   ׅ ྀ 𝓢𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. that rainy night still infiltrates your mind. as you’re about to leave for the day, spider-man stops by your place with a gift. he begs you to allow him to pay you back for helping him. you offer an idea: dog-sit daisy.

ׄ   ׅ ྀ 𝓒𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓. pure fluff, goofiness, swearing, pet names, spanish terms, slightly suggestive, mild wet dreams (sorta?), softie!miguel, wholesome (my favorite chapter)

❛⠀ previous chapter⠀⋅⠀masterlist⠀⋅⠀next chapter ⠀❜

last night has been infiltrating your mind. it was even in your dreams, repeating that exact same scenario. although, it had various interesting endings. instead of miguel leaving and jessica calling him, you two would be making out on the couch after all of that staring contest. lips collided and hands roaming each other’s bodies, soft moans and groans mingling in the air. his big hands roaming and groping your curves while his mouth devours yours. one thing leads to another, you ending up laid back on the couch with him above you as the steamy makeout session continues on. his lips would leave yours, finding a new place on your neck. you’d have one hand digging into his chocolate brown locks as soft sighs escapes your lips at the sensation on your neck. just as one of his hand travels up your body, almost reaching for your chest, your alarm went off.

goddamnit — stupid alarm ruining the climatic part of a dream, when it was getting good. starting off the day with a pissy attitude wasn’t on your to-do list.

realization kicks in as you quickly sat up with wide eyes like a deer in headlights. did you just have a wet dream about miguel? motherfucking spider-man? oh nah man. ain’t no way you dreamt of making out with that dude. don’t be mistaken, the man is handsome and definitely your type but having a wet dream about him? what the fuck. you barely know the guy! well — you know some portions of his life but you aren’t exactly a thing. simply just friends or something like that, nothing more obviously.

maybe you’re just that horny and haven’t been with a man since your ex two years ago. either way, it was kinda weird but also alluring at the same time. of course you’ll never tell a soul, not even daisy. how embarrassing would that be, right?

snapping out of those dumbass thoughts, you get out of bed and start getting ready for the day. you’re supposedly have to drop off some shenanigans at your brother’s place that he forgot when he stayed at your place after his harsh breakup with his hoe of an ex-girlfriend several months ago. after picking out an outfit and getting dressed, you head to the kitchen to make breakfast. you settled on a basic bowl of cereal of your favorite brand. you watch tv while munching on your cereal, daisy sitting beside you snuggled against your thigh. after finishing your cereal, you place the dish in the sink and head to the bathroom to brush your teeth and do your makeup. as the big music lover you are, you do those two tasks while listening to music. once you did both tasks, you walk back into the living room where the box of your brother’s shenanigans are on the dining table.

while checking to make sure all of his stuff were in the box, a light tapping sound came from the balcony. you look up to see your lovely dovely spiderman standing there. you give him a nod, a sign of approval to allow him entry to your home. with your permission, miguel steps foot inside your apartment. before either of you could greet each other, daisy beats you to it. her tail waggles as she walks up to him, sniffing at his feet as a sign of ‘hello.’ the tall brunette stares down at the fluffy little thing, amused by her sudden liking towards him.

“she really does like you. you’re her favorite person.” you smile at the sight before turning back to inspect the box once again, double checking.

“i think that title belongs to you.” miguel carefully steps past the dog to avoid accidentally stepping on her. as he approaches you, his brows furrowed in curiosity at what you’re doing.

you huffed, a small smile gracing your lips. “nah you’re definitely her new favorite person.” you don’t meet his gaze since you’re too occupied with the box of your brother’s stuff.

he tilts his head to the side, watching you fiddle with the box. “what’s that for?” curiosity in his tone.

“just some of my brother’s shenanigans that he left here. i’m supposed to head over to his place to drop it off.” after confirming everything was inside, you finally turned and meet his gaze. “what’s up?”

for a moment, miguel hesitates to answer, only standing there in silence as he averts from your gaze. you look at him a bit confused, noticing his body language. one hand is fisted into a ball, repeatedly opening and closing. the other hand is hidden behind his back, a little suspicious. what is he holding? before you could say something, he holds up a white tulip in front of you like a shy schoolboy asking his crush on a date. hints of blush on his cheeks. you stare confusingly at the beautiful tulip then at him.

“some old man was selling them so… i figured to get you one…” his eyes remained glued to the floor, feeling too flustered and embarrassed to meet your gaze. god he’s never felt so embarrassed just by a simple kind gesture. this is bombing his ego.

your heart melts at his kind gesture. this is the sweetest thing someone has ever done for you. how cute he looks so shy and flustered. tenderly taking the tulip from his grasp, you give it a light sniff. you adore the smell of fresh flowers. “thanks. it’s kinda ironic since tulips are my favorite.” you walk over to the kitchen and open one of the cabinets to find a vase, luckily you did. you place the beautiful flower inside. you’ll put in your room later.

“i know.” he said sheepishly, finally looking up from the ground with a neutral expression.

you look back at him confusingly, brows furrowed. “how? i never told you before…” pausing for a moment, you think of how he could’ve had known. your eyes widen in realization. “you sneaky son of a bitch, you were eavesdropping.” you glare at him.

miguel scoffs and rolls his eyes, folding his arms over his broad chest. “i wasn’t. i was checking the monitors and happened to come across your conversation in the cafeteria with the others.”

you shoot him a dumbfounded look. “god you’re never beating those stalker allegations.” a sneaky smile crept up on your lips as you walk about to the table and close up the box of shenanigans. you can sense his glaring eyes, making you smile more.

since you don’t hear him leaving, you look back at him with hands on your hips. “what?” it was clear he wanted to say something, so you’re going to make him say it. however, you’re met with silence.

miguel just stands there awkwardly, head lowered to avoid your eyes. his clenched fists repeatedly opened and closed, a sigh of anxiousness. that made you frown confusingly but also concerned. normally you would repeat the question but you were patient, allowing him to figure out his words without feeling pressured. even though miguel isn’t looking at you, you hope he feels your soft gaze instead of your sassy, intimidating one like usual.

“is there… anything else you want?” he finally speaks, barely above a whisper as if he’s afraid to ask. his gaze never left the floor, concealing his flushed face.

your brows raise in surprise, pondering the question. “no, i’m fine. the tulip was nice.” you say softly.

miguel finally looks at you, a displeased look on his face. “no, seriously. is there anything else? the tulip isn’t enough for how you helped me.”

your brows furrowed in confusion, shaking your head. “no it’s okay, miguel. really. i appreciate the flower, you don’t need to get me anything else.”

he waves off with his hand, shaking his head in disapproval. “no, [y/n]. just tell me, please.” he sounds desperate which stuns you.

“you’re not going soft on me, are you, miguelito?” a teasing smirk on your glossy lips.

he blushes at the nickname, all flustered and riled up. “just answer the damn question.” he said in his usual intimidating tone to conceal his flustered face but ultimately fails, which you find it hilarious and cute.

you snort, earning a groan from miguel. honestly, you don’t even know what to think of. the tulip was a perfect gift. what else could you possibly want? you’ve been dying to buy new clothes but you’re not gonna ask him that. you can do that on your own time, whenever the you get the chance since work has been a pain lately. how blank your mind is, no possibilities can into mind. then, an imaginary light bulb appears on your head as an idea pops up. the corner of your lips curl up into a mischievous smile like the grinch. miguel noticed and he’s a bit nervous, that smile never comes off as a good thing.

“you…“ you point at him, that mischievous smile still intact. “have to dog-sit.” you then point at daisy, who’s laying on the couch.

miguel stares completely dumbfounded at you. “dog-sit? are you kidding?”

“you said anything so, you have to dog-sit daisy while i’m gone.” you say happily, folding your arms over your chest. a sense of pride lingering in you.

dog-sit? you want him to watch your dog? oh lord he can’t believe that was your choice out of everything. and you’re right, he said anything and he desperately wants to pay you back correctly. dog-sitting it is.

you sense his apprehension, making that mischievous smile into a soft one. “you’ll be fine. she has everything she needs, food, water and toys. oh she’s a fast eater so if you need more dogfood, bottom left cabinet. water is just in the fridge. the only thing you need to worry about is taking her to the bathroom. other than that, you’re fine.”

he took mental note of all the given information. well, if you say it’s easy, then it shouldn’t be hard then. miguel isn’t the greatest with pets, especially little dogs but daisy seems to like him. yeah it wouldn’t be hard. just watch the dog until you return.

“questions, comments, concerns?” you asked, hands placed on your hips in that iconic sassy posture.

he ponders for a moment. “no, i don’t think so.”

you quickly nod. “sweet. anyways, i gotta head out or else my brother is gonna kill me.” you walk back into your room to grab a cardigan then walk back to the living room. “you’ll be fine, she doesn’t need much.” you said as you put on your shoes then walk over to the table and grab the box but miguel beats you to it.

“hey i got it.” you pout, trying to snatch it from him but he moves it away from your attempt.

“i’ll carry it to your car.” miguel states flatly.

“it’s not even heavy.” you argue, reaching for it a second time but he moves it away again but instead higher in the air so you don’t reach it. not that you can anyways because you’re short and he’s so tall.

“miguel.” you whine with a pout. curse his tallness, it’s not your fault he’s so freakishly tall.

he finds it utterly amusing how your little hands can’t reach the box, even on your tippy toes. a sense of pride flowing through him, prideful of his height. but what miguel finds most entertaining is your pouting expression. your height doesn’t help you, making you look like a helpless bunny. how cute, he thought.

“let’s go.” miguel stated as he walks past you, heading for the front door.

you sigh out of frustration, knowing you weren’t gonna win this battle. accepting defeat, you grab daisy from the couch and follow miguel. after closing the door, the three of you use the elevator and head downstairs to your car outside. once you reached your car and unlocked it, miguel placed the box in the passenger seat then closed the door.

“thank you even though i told you no.” you watch him rolls his eyes at you. “here, it’s like a trade.” you hand daisy to him so abruptly, which catches him off guard but he takes the dog in his hands swiftly. you can’t get over how tiny she looks in his hands. it’s just so amusing yet adorable. they’re gonna have a blast.

“bye mamas.” you pet her head lovingly, making her lean into your touch while licking your hand.

miguel just stares awkwardly at the interaction since it’s happening literally in front of him. although, he finds it cute how much adoration you have for your dog. a pleasant sight to his eyes, and heart.

you look up at miguel, craning your neck all the way up since he’s so damn taller than you. “be nice to her. if i find her crying when i get back, te mato.” you shoot him a light glare, truly meaning your words.

he scoffs and rolls his eyes. “whatever, demonio.”

flashing a smirk as a goodbye, you turn around and got in the car. as you start driving away, daisy starts whining. miguel glances at the dog, rolling his eyes.

“ya cálmate, she’ll be back.” he tries being gentle but there is still irritation in his tone. those ruby eyes follows your car until you’re no longer in sight. with daisy wiggling in his arms, miguel walks back inside your apartment building.

the dog-sitting commences.

⠀⠀⠀⠀𓂃 ୨ ₊ 𓂃 ౨ৎ   𓂃 ₊ ୧   𓂃

with literally nothing to do other than watch your dog, miguel awkwardly sits on the couch. daisy is eating the dogfood from her bowl in the kitchen. there is a tv but he doesn’t watch television that often. being spider-man and the leader of the spider society means barely any time to himself. he’s just a natural workaholic and dog-sitting isn’t something he’d ever do. nothing against your dog, like mentioned before, daisy likes him but just feels weird to be doing nothing other than watch her. you do have a bookshelf, filled with tons of books. that doesn’t surprised him. if miguel had more time to himself or wasn’t the leader of a group, perhaps he would’ve taken a hobby in reading. since he is a big scientist, it requires lots of reading and miguel was fond of that. but assuming it’s you, that bookshelf is probably filled with romance novels. little does he know it’s actually mostly murder and mystery.

while sitting there awkwardly and fiddling with his hands, daisy walks over to him with her tail wagging. there is a strange look in her eyes; she’s giving him the big doe eyes. shit — she has to go to the bathroom. lifting up from the couch with a groan, miguel scoops up the dog in one hand and exits your apartment to head outside. luckily he brought a change of clothes so no one would catch spider-man randomly walking a dog in public. how awkward and embarrassing that would be?

that title ‘friendly neighborhood spider-man’ would definitely live up its name. however, miguel isn’t friendly. ‘grumpy spider-man’ is more like it.

as daisy does her business, miguel stands there awkwardly waiting. those muscly arms folded over his broad chest, flexing in the process. that white shirt he’s wearing acts more like a compression shirt, heavily outlining his muscles. the gray sweatpants hanging a bit too low, showing off his tiny sluty waist and a tiny sneak peek of his happy trail. while waiting, a few giggles from the distance captures his attention. turning his head in that exact direction, miguel finds two women babbling and drooling over him, batting their lashes at him. he tries to not roll his eyes. sure, he knows he is attractive but something about those two women just annoys him. they seem ignorant and desperate for attention. they’re not like you, you are the opposite of them. you don’t beg for attention. hell you don’t even throw yourself at him. you mostly insult and tease him all the time.

wait — why the hell is he thinking about you?

luckily, daisy finished and walks back to him, her tail waggling happily. snapping out of those weird thoughts, miguel scoops her up again and heads back inside the building. the two women wave at him as an attempt to call him over but miguel ignores them, leaving them devastated.

30 minutes has past and you’re still gone. you never mentioned how long you were gonna be gone but supposedly your brother lives far away or too busy with the stuff. sitting back on the couch, miguel fiddles with his gizmo to make sure the multiverse and everything at HQ was intact. lyla would contact him if so. while checking his gizmo, daisy walks up to him with a green toy ball in her mouth.

miguel looks dumbfounded at the fluffy thing. “no.” she keeps looking up at him with those doe eyes and tail wagging. “no.” he said flatly but it’s no use because she drops the ball at his feet and waits.

“ay dios mio…” he rubs the temples of his forehead with a hand, sighing. miguel bends over and grabs the ball. he gives it a experimental squeeze, a high pitched noise coming from it which excites daisy. the corner of his lips twitch slightly upward at the sight. miguel throws the ball across the living room, landing in front of the tv. daisy chases after it.

the doorknob rattles which makes daisy bark. miguel looks in that direction, watching you enter the apartment. the golden doodle rushes over to you, barking happily at you. she always get excited when you come home. you adore it every time.

“hi mamas! i missed you!” you crouch down and pick her up, carrying her in your arms. you nuzzle your face into her fluffy fur as she attacks your face with adoring licks. you avoid getting licked in the mouth by moving your head around.

closing and locking the door, your eyes land on the tall brunette sitting on the couch. “oh yeah, you.” sarcasm at its peak which earned you a glare from him. “thanks for watching her.”

“well, you were right. it was easy.” miguel lifts up from the couch and approaches you before stopping and stand a few feet from you, folding his arms.

you quickly glance at his outfit, noticing he’s not wearing his usual red and blue suit but instead casual clothes. “where the hell did you get a change of clothes?” you don’t own any men clothes, not since you threw out your ex’s clothes after the breakup.

“i uh brought them from my place. didn’t want people catching me in my suit while walking your dog.” he elaborated.

“huh… smart. anyways, you can go now. they probably need you back at HQ.” you walk to the kitchen and open the fridge to search for dinner options, still carrying daisy in one arm.

miguel just stands there, observing you. it’s true, the society needs him back. he needs to go back, resume his duty as the leader of the spider society and protector of the multiverse. however, he isn’t in the rush to do so. or more precisely, he doesn’t want to leave, not just yet. much to his surprise, miguel actually enjoyed staying in your home. today was one of the first days he wasn’t spider-man, wasn’t at HQ. he was just a human being, just miguel.

“i will but jessica has it under control. i’ll be notified if anything happens.” it’s true he placed jessica in charge while he’s gone. the minute his gizmo beeps with a notification regarding the multiverse, he’ll bolt the fuck out. but since there isn’t any, miguel has no reason to leave just yet.

you hum in surprise, still searching for something to make for dinner. nothing comes to mind. take-out it is then. when he mentioned HQ, you thought about your spidey friends. you miss them terribly, especially hobie. god you miss that brit and his charming voice. you should really take on that offer of spending time with him in his universe. hopefully one day.

“hey, do you mind i visit HQ again? i miss my spider peeps.” you turn around, looking at him while petting daisy’s head with a loving touch.

miguel had to resist the urge to smile at your response. he would love for you to visit again, visit him. “fine but i’ll give you a watch so you can get there faster instead of driving.”

your eyes lit up in excitement. “oooo like the fancy one you have?” you point at his watch.

he nods. “yes.”

“killer.” you offer a gentle smile.

you two are definitely friends at this point, whether miguel likes to admit it or not. but honestly, you’re more than just friends. it’s unclear but there is definite chemistry between you two.

spider-man and his pretty little friend.

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓. ♡ @loser-alert @keepitreal001 @iamperson12280 @nostalgicdaira @flordelalunas @oharasfilipinawife @cho-coquette @lavenderslemonade @palesatan @awkward-d3rs3-dr3amer @lilscast @beanieboy23 @dorck26 @kakabskbskdnd @4crew @deputy-videogamer @36namey @sin4tra @holographicang3l @migueloharasoulmate @darlingz99 @opalesquegirl @freehentai @rinverse @colorfulbluebirdpainter @razertail18

© teenidlegirl. don’t steal, plagiarize, or translate my work. ♡

[euphoricfilter]

𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 | 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐𝟎

twelve hour countdown

tags/warnings: games designer! jungkook, non-idol au, established relationship, fluff, they’re just in love it’s kinda sick, the final chance, more sort of bowser content because he’s my fav dog

word count: 1k

notes: no taglist >:)

☆ literal epic callob with @bonny-kookoo 💞 ☆

☆ series masterlist

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.

The last two days of the trip hadn’t exactly been how Jungkook wanted them to go. Engagement ring box stuffed in his bag under a layer of underwear so he didn’t have anymore scares with you and your curious fingers.

Entirely convinced it would only take one more excuse about his smart watch before you caught on and opened the box before he could even utter an excuse as to why he was carrying around an expensive ring.

He’d decided that he would do it within one of those two last days— the back garden of the airbnb pretty, secluded too so you wouldn’t have to face the awful embarrassment of outsiders onlooking such an intimate new development in your relationship.

Because as much as he wants to the world to witness the metamorphosis of your entwined souls, there will be many opportunities for him to flaunt the fact you’re going to be his wife (hopefully) in the near future.

However, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Every time he would look over at you, blissed out on one of the deck chairs, book in hand or eyes closed as you nap in the sun; his mouth would open to call your name, yet nothing would come out.

It wasn’t a matter of him changing his mind, he would have asked you to marry him on the second date if he didn’t think it would creep you out that he had already dreamt up his entire future with you. Because there was, and never will be anyone after you. This is it for him. Legality of your relationship aside, he knew he’d be spending the rest of his life with you regardless if it was written on paper or not.

He had a solid twelve hours before the both of you got in that car and drove back to the airport. Twelve hours before the entirety of his plan would go to shit. Though not a wasted holiday in his eyes, the break well deserved by the both of you. And even if he ultimately fails today, then at least you enjoyed the time away, the gentle smile on your face each morning, warm kisses pressed to soft cheeks in thanks for every little endeavour he’d taken you on, enough of a reward even if you don’t get on that plane with an engagement ring on your finger.

“Jungkook” you startle him, his eyes wide as he turns to look at you, stood in the doorway of the kitchen.

He raises an eyebrow in question, assuming you’d grown impatient for you lunch that he was so graciously preparing.

“Do you think we can go see bowser before we leave?” you ask, sheepish smile on your face as you rock on your feet a little.

“Yes” he says it without even thinking, hope of this being the day he asks you slowly slipping through his fingers. Anguish of another failed day mellowed out a little when he catches the bright smile on your face.

“I’ll text the lady, and see if it’s okay” he nods, slipping his phone out the back pocket of his jeans.

“I had a dream last night” you tell him, pushing yourself to sit on the counter beside where he’s making both of your lunch.

“Hmm?” he glances up at you, phone pushed onto the counter as he looks at you, “about what?” “Bowser living with us”

A smile quirks onto his lips, stepping forward until he’s pushing your legs open to stand between them.

“Yeah?” he hums, “and what was it like?”

Your tongue runs over your bottom lip, “literally the best thing ever, he’s so cute”

“Taking care of a dog is a lot of work you know” his hands skim up the length of your thighs. You nod, arms slipping over his shoulders, fingers skimming across the back of his neck.

“I know” you murmur, “but you had a dog growing up so you can teach me all the things I need to know”

“You’ll be a good parent, you know”

Your nose scrunches up at that “I’m not ready for kids yet”

“We’re literally adopting” he laughs, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

“A dog”

Jungkook’s eyebrows narrow, “Bowser is more than just a dog” he shakes his head, “he will be our first born son”

You press your forehead against his chest, trying to swallow down a laugh, “I suppose. We should spoil him since he’s our first”

Jungkook nods at that, “of course. he’s literally the coolest dog ever”

It’s when you’re in the car later that day, small play date set for the both of you to see Bowser one more time, do you pass a pet store.

Your hand slaps down onto Jungkook’s thigh, “Turn here” you point down a little wide road.

He briefly glances over at you before his focus is back on the road, “huh?” he gapes, fingers pressing down on the indicator anyways.

“We gotta get Bowser a gift before we see him” you wave him off, picking your shoes up off the car floor, quick to put them back on as Jungkook parks the car.

“What sort of treats do you think he likes?” you ask, arm hooking around Jungkook’s as you drag him towards the store.

“We could get a few? See what he likes, maybe?” he trails behind you, quick to pull you back by the collar of your f-shirt before you can get hit by a care.

“Careful baby” he murmurs, hand skimming down your arm, fingers lacing with yours. You pause outside the pet store, Jungkook’s eyebrow raising when you meet his eyes. “Lets go in there after” you point to the small store beside the both of you.

“Why?” Jungkook tilts his head a little.

“We should get fairy lights for Bowser’s wheelchair, but the battery ones so he can have them on when he’s outside too. What if we take him on a walk when it’s dark?”

“There’s street lights...” Jungkook trails off, mind slowly conjuring up the imagine of a glittery wheelchair, “Lets get two sets just in case one isn’t enough” he nods.

“Okay” you hum, smiling up at him as the both of make your way into the pet store. “Love you” you press a kiss to his cheek, unfiltered smile gracing Jungkook’s face. “Love you more, my love” he hums.

[tw1l1te]

Selfish memories

⊹˚. ♡.𖥔 ݁ ˖

CW: mentions of stalking, obsessive behavior, manipulation, dark themes?

After being with your heroes for 8 months, you were able to go home. Your REAL home.

Walking around your college campus almost felt bittersweet, every little thing reminded you of them.

From the fireflies, hummingbirds, and even the stained-glass windows in the main library.

You were going to miss them. You really did.

But all things come to an end, and you will always cherish the games and each hero, never forgetting them or the special moments you had with each of them.

The first month was tough, you woke up from constant nightmares, crying in your sleep. You dreamt about them every night, whether it be old events and memories, or completely new ones.

It was as if you were still with them in your dream state.

By 3 months, you were carrying on with your life, getting a new job and meeting new people that you could call your friends. You even started going out with a cute blonde from work, who had such an outgoing personality, it balanced your quiet and reserved nature.

The nightmares had long stopped, but you were a fool to think that was the last of it.

You were walking your dog around the woods behind your house one night in mid-December, going out for a quick walk so Wolfie can relieve himself.

You named him that on purpose. You wanted to keep a little part of your adventure with you, even if it wasn't really him.

You feel your hand give out as Wolfie runs off, barking like crazy at something.

"Wolfie no-!"

You chase after him, jumping over weeds and ducking under branches, losing him by the second.

You see him run under some arched trees, a landmark you've come to recognize since you've began living In your little house.

Running in just leggings, some old boots, and an old sweatshirt wasn't the best idea, as you were quickly getting soaked through.

You ran through the arch of trees, hoping you'll see Wolfie soon, as it was getting dark very quickly.

Looking around, you noticed you weren't in the woods anymore, but it was still snowy, but now with fog. You kept walking, hoping to reach someone or something soon.

Soon enough, you saw some light and small voices that sounded very familiar.

Stepping out from the fog, you see the very familiar sight of trees and koroks running about, some cheering at your presence, other hiding in bushes.

You halted in your steps.

Before you, in front of the Master Sword's pedestal, were the heroes you loved knew.

They saw you before you even saw them.

You smiled and waved slightly.

"Hey." you whispered.

Wind took that as a cue to run into you and give a bone crushing hug. Sky and Hyrule quickly followed, giving you hugs and squeezes on the shoulder.

Each of them gave you some greeting and affection, leaving Time to be the last.

"We've missed you."

"So I can tell, old man. It's been like, what, 4 months for me? How long has it been for y'all?"

Time looks to the others, silently asking if they should tell you how long it's been.

Twilight and Wars nodded solemnly.

Looking back at you, he smiled slightly.

"(Name), its been three years."

Your eyes watered. You breathed out heavily.

"Damn. And I thought 4 months was a lot."

"It's not your fault. You didn't know. All that matters is that you're here now, with us. We've all missed you terribly and have been searching for a way to reach you." Time stated, looking at you.

You sniffed.

"I missed you guys too. We have so much to catch up on."

Time smiled, placing a hand on your back to lead the group out the forest.

They had FINALLY got you back, after years of searching and trying to find you. They realized what they lost after they let you go. They shouldn't have.

When looking back, you realized you were a fool.

A fool too slow to realize that you weren't returning home this time.

[s-4pphics]

dial. 5 (e.w.)

wc;cw: 3.9k, fratadjacent!ellie, all ocs r black coded<3, angst, weed, nun crazy… yet😝😝😝😝

SEVEN MONTHS LATER 

You’re finally a fucking senior! Joy to the queer world! 

After barely surviving your last term due to heartbreak and an intense depressive episode, the future ahead of you brightened the second you stepped into your aunt's home. Your summer was the highlight of your year… maybe even your life. What had you done in your past life to be blessed with such an amazing auntie? 

She took you any and everywhere you wanted to go. You never imagined Iceland would be the home country you wished to be born in. The mountains, the bright green grass, the fucking waterfalls you only dreamt of diving into. You became a mermaid the second you and Niah jumped into the Reykjadalur River. 

Every fiber of your being rejuvenated after your much needed break, and you were ready to get through your last year without chips on your shoulder. Fuck everyone from your past!

Moving in was always the worst part of the year. As much as you loved decorating, you never fully threw yourself into it until your third week on campus. Your fairy lights would have to sit in their box until you got your schedule in order. 

You and Niah trekked back and forth from your dorm to your auntie’s truck, hauling in box after box until your arms burned. Your back was already killing you. 

“Fucking son of a bitch— “

You interrupted Niah’s exhausted exclamations, “Swear ja— “

“Bitch, fuck you! I'm grown!” She dropped the last box near your work desk before slumping onto your chair. 

“Alright, my loves!” Your aunt entered your shared room with bags of new bedding. “This is the last of it. Need help making your bed?” 

You blankly stared at your aunt, and she smiled slyly, “Don’t look at me like that! You’re my baby!” 

You shook your head, snagging the neatly wrapped blankets from her hands, tossing them to the floor and engulfing her in the tightest hug you could muster. 

“I love you,” you mumbled into her shoulder. 

“I love you, baby. You’re almost done, you got this,” she kissed your cheek a dozen times before pulling back to plant more on your forehead. And nose. 

“Want me t’walk you out?” 

“I got it. Unpack and get comfy. I’ll see you in a couple months, okay?” She bopped your nose and you nodded, embracing her one last time before seeing her out. Niah gave her a goodbye hug and watched her dodge exhausted bodies down the hallway. 

Niah helped you set up your mattress topper and stuffed your pillow cases before your phone vibrated in your pocket. 

“Dina’s having din-din downstairs in a feeew,” you sing-songed, “Come with us?” You gave Niah the best puppy dog eyes you could muster, her lips pursing as she glared at you. 

“Girl… Y’all always wanna do shit when I’m fucking tired— “

“Pleeease.”

She sighed heavily before conceding, “If that bitch show up, I swear to god— “

“Dina wouldn’t let that happen,” you defended. 

“Oh, she wouldn’t? Really?” Niah scowled. 

“Stop,” you huffed in agitation, “Nothing that happened was her fault. She did what she could at the time.” 

Niah and Dina never explained to you why their relationship rifted, but you could only assume that it was due to you and Ellie falling out. They haven’t spoken since the beginning of summer, according to Niah, and it upset you greatly. You all used to fall asleep on the phone together every night during your scheduled breaks, and now you were hesitant to have them in the same room. 

You were never against Dina and Ellie being friends, even after she blew up on you; They grew up right next to each other, for fucks sake! They’ve always had a strong bond, and not even Dina’s loyalty to you would ruin that. Niah would just have to understand. 

Your best friend rolled her eyes, but dropped the tensity in her shoulders. 

“I’m not eating.” 

You pouted. 

“I don’t care about that,” she pointed at your stuck-out lip, “Get my purse.” 

The booth you shared with your friends in the dining hall was tense. 

You awkwardly forked your pasta while Niah and Dina stared at each other. You didn’t notice any hatred in their gaze, but the fire was there without a doubt. 

This was the worst dinner ever. 

“Sooo…” you twirled your noodles, “How was your summer, Dee!” 

“Fine.” 

Your bright smile dropped at her empty response, but you tried again. 

“Cool! Did anything exciting happen? I saw you and Jess traveled a bit!”

“We did.” 

Your eyes flickered between your two friends, their eyes distant. 

“Guys, c’mon! This is so stupid!” You nearly threw your fork on your plate. “Why are y’all even mad at each othe— “

“I’m not fucking mad— “

“Ask her that— “

Both friends brushed you off in their fit of rambles, and you exploded. 

“CAN Y’ALL STOP!” 

Neighboring students began to stare at all three of you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. 

“I don’t fucking care about Ellie anymore! I’m over it! It’s a new fucking year and I wanna move on, but I can’t if y’all keep bringing it up every time you see each other!” Niah tried to interrupt, but you cut her off with a stern finger. 

“I know why you’re mad and I appreciate you for caring, but Dina didn’t do anything wrong! You’re taking your anger out on the wrong person!” You took some breaths through your nose to calm yourself.

“I don't wanna see y’all fighting over this bullshit anymore. I mean it! Or we’re…” you looked between them with a harsh glare. “We’re gonna have a problem.” 

Moments of thick silence passed before you heard a gentle snicker. Followed by a snort. 

Boisterous laughter escaped both your friends while you stared in confusion. 

“What’s so funny?” 

Niah clapped her hands in hysteria. 

“Who the fuck are you tryna intimidate— “

“She pulls one little prank and suddenly her balls dropped. How cute! —“

Your head jerked in Dina’s direction, “Wait—” 

“Oh! You thought I didn’t know about that shit? Seriously?” Dina wiped away tears, “You’re nasty, by the way.” 

Heat washed over your entire body at her smirk and arched brow, “My baby’s a fucking freak! Who woulda thought.” 

Niah muttered whores around her straw with a shake of her head. 

“… You still got the vid, or.” 

“DINA!” 

More laughter erupted from your table, and your arms folded across your chest. Dina’s hand met Niah’s from across the table in a high five. 

“She does still have it, not gon’ lie— “

“SHUT UP, NIAH!” 

The second Ellie saw you, Niah, and Dina laughing through the windows of the canteen, she hit the fastest fucking U-turn of the century. Her appetite dissipated in an instant and she booked it towards the parking lot and into her car. 

She hated the physical reaction that took over her body whenever she saw you, the only thought on her mind being run, run, run. 

After her last… encounter with you and fucking Abby, she made a request to move to the complete opposite side of campus. She packed all her belongings and was out of her and Jesse’s shared place in the nick of time, surrounded by faces she wasn’t used to. The thought of switching schools raced through her mind days after it happened, but when she realized that you hadn’t had plans to broadcast your porno across the campus’ Snapchat, she was at ease.

At least for a little bit. 

Telling Dina and Jesse was, by far, one of the worst parts of this whole experience. 

She hadn’t mustered up the courage to do it until two months later when Abby brushed past her with a mere nod of acknowledgment at a house party. Her hazy mind thought that coming clean would erase some of the guilt she felt, but it was all for naught. 

All she got was a theoretical pie thrown at her face when both her best friends' exploded into the biggest laughing fit, she’d ever seen from them. They knew she deserved all the smoke she got from you and Abby after everything she did, and despite her attempts at being prideful, she knew she did too. 

You never came along when Ellie was around for the remainder of the term, and she didn’t know whether to be thankful or full of fucking shame. It became a bit of both overtime. 

She’d only seen you once after the sextape fiasco. It was during move-out week: your face was droopy and tired—probably due to finals— as you and your family hauled box after box into a truck. 

Ellie hadn’t had a reaction to anyone like that since her first fucking girlfriend. The sweaty hands, the swirls in her tummy, the jitters of her fingers. It all came back to her and she wanted to vomit. 

Looking as cuddly as you did that day shouldn’t be allowed. Ellie knew she didn’t deserve a hug from you, but she allowed her imagination to take over anyway, her subconscious completely engulfed by your scent and forgiveness. 

Ellie’s head rested on her steering wheel, her head banging against it and accidentally sounding the horn. 

Ellie’s never been in a relationship with someone who wasn’t selfish. She allowed people to take and take and take so much from her in the past, gladly accepting their overstepping and lack of boundaries if it meant she received their affection. It went on for so long until it abruptly halted and left her destroyed and alone. Her heart iced over after her last relationship went up in flames, and she vowed to keep it that way. If there’s no love, there’s no heartbreak. 

She thought she could do that to someone else. Prey on someone as sweet and comforting as you. 

But it didn’t work. You fucking cracked her. You’re a witch, and your pussy is godsent. 

Ellie brought out that side of you and she regretted it (despite the jerks in her clit every time she reminisced about your glittery tears), and she owed you the most respectable apology she’s ever given.

Ellie reached into her hoodie pocket and pulled up her phone, messages filled with students asking if she’s around to sell. She ignored them all and searched for your contact that she selfishly never deleted. 

Her thumb hovered over the unblock button. 

Ellie’s heart is racing and she thinks she might pass out. 

She got used to hearing the small ding from the bell of the Starbucks entrance that she hardly ever looks up at who’s waltzing in. 

When she heard you and your best friend’s laughter, she almost dropped to the floor to hide behind the service counter. She was not fucking prepared to see you. Nausea and butterflies stirred in her gut at the sound of your giggles. 

H-Have a good day, she cringed when her voice cracked, scribbling the customer's names on their cup before passing it down to the mixing station. 

The minutes that passed felt like years, endless seconds of anticipation of seeing you face to face for the first time in months. Her eyes scattered to the end of the lines where the two of you stood every two seconds, observing how you inched up the line. 

Until the two of you stood in front of her, Niah’s intense glare searing through her skin and shaking her bones. She shakily asked for both your orders, but you took over, answering for you and your roommate with your classic smile. You’re too sweet for your own good; She couldn’t imagine being this cordial in public with someone who did what she did. Said what she said. 

You looked fucking adorable: hair twisted, dangly earrings, glossy lips. Her hands wouldn’t stop as she scribbled your name on your cup and cake pop baggie. 

Niah was fucking grilling her, and rightfully so. Ellie’s shocked she didn’t reach over and strangle her with her bare hands. Her presence was a threat on its own, Jesus Christ. 

You swiped your student ID and yanked a stiff Niah by the arm over to the pick-up line, the wind sitting in Ellie’s lungs finally releasing. 

She peered over at the two of you as she collected the rest of the orders from caffeine-withdrawal students, anxiety pitting in her gut when she watched you snag your cup and bag, reading the messy scribbles she left at the bottom.  

hi. can we talk when you’re ready?

You had enough courtesy to hide the baggie from an already pissed Niah, and she was grateful. It gave her an inkling of hope before you frowned, your eyes surprised, then confused. Then angry. 

Ellie almost cried at the scoff that left your mouth when you shot her a pissed glare, before you snatched your dessert from its encasing, crumpled the paper and threw it into the trash by the exit. She watched the two of you leave with a heavy heart, embarrassment overtaking her when you refused to look back. 

Ellie couldn’t shake the feeling that you experienced this same disappointment whenever she shut you down previously, and it made her feel even worse. 

Ellie started seeing you everywhere you went after that: in the quad, on the way to class, even in the fucking library (a place she never went!), but you never seemed to notice her. She hadn’t been in the study center since she was a fucking sophomore, and she instantly remembered why when she caught a glimpse of you in your own world, headphones on as you scribbled down your notes. 

Remorse flooded her gut when she remembered the time, she dismissed your proposal of listening to a playlist you made for her a couple days after you fucked a couple times. She didn’t even know what artists you liked. 

Even after all this time, she refused to forget all the times she upset you, intentionally or not. 

The twisted part of her brain was already prepared to march over and speak with you, but she had enough sense to overpower her selfish desires. 

She managed to get past you without hassle, rushing onto the elevator to find her usual spot in the second-floor corner. It was her safe place whenever she came in here; She’ll never forget when she and Dina tripped balls atop the beanbags pressed up against the window. 

Going to the library was pointless; The thought of you and your sprinkled cupcakes dominated her mind for the rest of her study session. 

It was the best part of the entire year. 

The month of October has its own presence: it’s grand and dark, gloomy, fun. Evil. You would never wear bright orange on a normal day, but during October, you might as well be a pumpkin! 

All your friends were already in the Halloween spirit, baking and decorating some of the strongest edibles you’ve ever smelt in your damn life. You were shocked that none of Jesse’s neighbors called to complain about the loud scent. 

“You wanna hit?” 

You peered up at Abby’s invitation puff from her blunt with a polite smile and a shake of your head, “You know I have to drive that one home,” You pointed out an already wobbling Niah in the kitchen. 

Abby chuckled around her next puff, “They’re gonna go fucking crazy with those.” 

“I’m scared,” You huffed, “Niah literally turns into a fucking potato when she’s high. I can never get her to move anywhere.” 

Abby giggled at your eye roll while she ashed. 

Running into Abby after what happened last year was much different than you expected. 

After you two went your separate ways at the party, you assumed she would never want to see you again, blow off any invitations you had to hang out, go back to fucking Ellie like nothing happened, but she did nothing of the sort. 

She always waved you over when she saw you sitting by yourself, greeted you with the brightest smiles and warmest hugs, texted you first. She was everything you could’ve wanted from someone. From a partner. 

So why didn’t you feel that spark whenever she looked at you with those pretty, blue eyes? 

You could always be honest with Abby, so bringing up your predicament was easy. She took it with a grain of salt and told you not to worry because she’s still a whore. It’s college! Her energy always calmed you. 

Niah’s weight plopping down next to you broke your trance. She slumped onto your shoulder with a weak giggle of it’s October 3rd. 

You stared down at her blankly, “It’s the tenth, bonehead— “

“Shhh, shh, i-it’s October 3rd,” she sloppily pressed her index finger to your mouth. 

Abby’s laughter rang from next to you like bells in winter. 

Ellie was… sad. And felt like a fucking loser. 

She’d been lazily lying on her couch with her dab in hand, scrolling through Instagram and watching 5-minute crafts when she received a notification from Dina. 

She felt a subtle crack in her chest when she saw her best friend caption the post the ‘best time of the year 👻’. She was dawned in her usual witch's hat while Jesse had a pumpkin carving imprinted on his shirt, both decorating what she assumed to be laced sugar cookies. 

Her heart shattered when she scrolled through the slides and saw pictures of a slumped Niah, Abby with her tongue out and middle finger up, and you, eyes gentle and smile doll-like with two peace signs by your face. You looked so cozy under the yellow glow of the decorative lamp. So comfortable in the place she used to call home. 

… She’s never not received an invite to decorate edibles. Why was a lump growing in her throat? Her high was fucked. 

Another notification from Jesse’s Snap highlighted across the top of her screen. Her thumb tapped it without hesitation, and some tears fell from her eyes to her cheeks. 

It was a clip of you, Dina, and Jesse squeezing out icing from a tube onto a loudly snoring Niah’s face, snickering softly when the traces of sugar didn’t go where you wanted. 

Stick it up her nose!

Ellie’s body tensed when she recognized Abby’s low whisper in the background. That was definitely the final nail in her coffin. 

The Snap ended with Niah’s eyes peeling open like a zombie and your heavenly laughter. 

Ellie dropped her phone and sat up, resting her head atop the back of the couch, palms digging into her teary eyes. She tried to convince herself that she was angry, pissed the fuck off, ready to fight everybody, even her closest friends. But she wasn’t at all. 

She was lonely and sad, and no one was there to comfort her. 

Class dragged on the entire week leading up to Halloweekend. 

Your shoulders were heavy and slumped from exhaustion. What kind of professor assigns projects the week before Halloween? They’re pretending as if they’ve never been students before; They know you’re all getting faded soon! 

You and Niah were grinding in the library the entire week, perfecting your papers and presentations for the following week. You didn’t want anything to ruin this weekend. Distractions, be gone! 

You’ve dedicated a couple hours each day to prepping your costumes for Friday and Saturday. The excitement to adorn your fairy getup was nearly bursting through your eyes. You decorated your wings with sequins and glitter, made your own flower crown, and designed your own spirit guide by snipping and re-stuffing a Squishmallow. 

You were a little too antsy to start the weekend; Niah almost called Dina to help tape you down to a chair. 

You bolted down the crosswalk after your scheduled library visit, a bright grin on your face at the thought of showcasing your designs for your costume. Dina and Jesse are your best critics. 

You turned the corner and hit a hard chest, almost falling to the floor before a pair of strong arms wrapped around your waist. 

“Lookin’ for rings?” 

Your smile widened at the all too familiar voice, “What does that mean?” 

Abby separated from you with a gentle smile, pointing at your sky-blue sweatshirt, “Blue sweater… running… Sonic— “

“Oh fuck!” You paused before a lightbulb appeared atop your head. “Oh fuck! Sonic would’ve been such a cute costume— “

“Still stressing Niah out?” Her brow arched. 

“Of course! Dina and Jes are about t’get the same treatment!” You rushed past Abby, throwing her a wild wave, “I'll see you on Friday bitch!”

Her airy laugh aired behind you before you eased past departing students and into the apartment lobby. 

It’s almost impressive how much your mood can deplete due to one person. 

You instantly recognized Ellie’s back muscles over her muscle-tee, her tattoo sleeve completely exposed as she murmured to the receptionist. The bun at the back of her head was coming loose with each nod of approval she gave. 

Anger and embarrassment and sadness battled for power in your gut as you glared through her skin and down to her bones. And she must’ve felt it.

She spun at the sound of the door shutting, and her eyes immediately glossed over when they locked with yours. She looked like a deer caught in headlights before she whispered hey.

You ignored and looked behind her and greeted the familiar receptionist, “Hey, is Jesse home?” 

“Yeah, babe! You just missed him— “

“W-Wait— “

“Cool, thanks,” You didn’t hesitate to book it for the second entrance, Ellie’s urgent calls of your name ringing behind you. You heard her following you down the hall like a horse. 

She called your name out louder, “Fuck, wait, wait— “

You frantically pressed the up button on the elevator but it was for naught. 

You felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, “Hey— “

“Ellie, don’t fuckin’ touch me, I’m serious,” you spat. 

Her touch dropped, her hands raising in the air, “Okay, okay, I’m sorr— “

“You’re sorry? Really?” You scoffed. “Fuck off, bro.” 

… Where the fuck was this elevator?! You were this close to holding the button down until the doors opened. 

Ellie sighed, “No, I’ve… I've been meaning to talk to you. Can I— “

“I don’t give a fuck about anything you’re saying, genuinely,” You harshly turned to glare into her eyes. Her gorgeous, green eyes that, for the first time, seemed so soft for you. Desperate, and not lustful. 

She didn’t seem to care about your protests, “I know I fucked up and I was… awful— “

The dings sounding from the elevator sounded like alarms. 

“Ellie, please, I’m begging you, just leave me the fuck alone,” Rageful tears flooded in your eyes. “Get the fuck away from me! Just g-go away!” 

Ellie’s small glimmer of hope died in her orbs, her body flinching at your tone as she peered to the floor with red cheeks. 

The doors peeled open after what seemed like a lifetime and you threw yourself between them, slamming the fourth-floor button like your life depended on it. You refused to look at Ellie as the doors shut, your heart pounding in your chest as you heaved, your hands resting on your knees. 

You vowed that absolutely nothing could ruin your weekend, but why was Ellie’s flushed cheeks and sniffly nose almost enough to make you fold? 

Almost. 

okkkaaaaayyyyy im switching shit up fr so excited to write the next part stay with me yall lemme cook lemme coooook

taggie waggies love yall down :3 @dyk3ang3l @iced-metal @sawaagyapong @kittnii @mariefilms @villainousbear @pick-me-up-im-scared @dragonasflowercrown @elsmissingfingers @bugaboodarling @freakumfilm @robinismywifee @ohitsjordynn @womenofarcane @inf3ct3dd @nil-eena @kaispaws @letsreadsomesins-shallwe @yuckyfucky @machetegirl109 @ximtiredx @mattm1964 @liabadoobee @tfuuka @aouiaa @lastofvenus @iove-bbb

teaser, one, two, three, four

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

Hi! So I had thoughts about Castor🤭

I don’t know why…but here’s my thoughts. So reader is a member of the band opening for Metallica on (whatever tour) and is really close to James. Not in a weird way or anything, but James and reader get along really well. Castor’s always had a thing for the reader and James knew that so he decided to introduce Catsor to reader and they hit it off really well.

A/n: I don’t write enough Castor for an account that was made to make more Castor

Warnings: none just fluff

Metallica was going on tour and James had found the perfect opening band.

He’d heard Castor listening to them and figured since he was taking him on tour why not bring a band he knew his son liked?

While planning everything you went to James for help since your band didn’t have an official manager or someone to deal with booking and finances. You were raw dogging it and it was astonishingly hard so after spending a week pumping yourself up you finally brought yourself to contact James.

The day before you went out he invited you and your band over so you could all catch the flight together, he knew you’d been worried about someone getting left behind and this definitely helped calm your nerves about the whole ordeal.

You and your band were nothing less than ecstatic about this trip. Sure, you’d been on tours but small ones where you never left your country, now, suddenly, you were performing for thousands of people almost every night in places you’d never even dreamt of visiting, it was all a fever dream but it was really happening.

James had never told you how he’d found your band, you never cared all too much because you were worrying about flights, hotel rooms, everything like that.

You were on an overnight flight from Vancouver, Canada to Frankfurt, Germany. It was almost a ten hour flight and you were ready to, hopefully, sleep most of the way.

Of course, right as you sit down there’s not an ounce of melatonin your brain tried to produce and you were just stuck there. James was beside you, he purposefully booked your seat near each other but there were few flights where you were right next to each other. It was just another way for him to help you with your worries, also because the both of you had created a bond while planning and were genuinely having fun together.

Occasionally on the flight Castor would come by to ask his dad something or just to talk, his gaze always flickering to you. You played it off as nothing but it brought some questions to mind.

“James,” you started once Castor left, “how’d you find our band?” A bright smile came to his face, he wasn’t just expecting this question he was hoping you’d ask about it.

“I heard Castor listening to you guys.” He said simply enough. You gave a small nod. “He really likes you guys, you know? Always talking about your music, outfits, he really likes your outfits.” You could feel your cheeks heating up at that.

Your band wasn’t all glam but you definitely took inspiration from the whole thing, you often wore some sort of leather bottoms, usually pants or a tight skirt that hugged your curves. Your shirt normally consisted of a band shirt, however being on stage had you sweating so you’d eventually have to take it off and reveal whatever you had on underneath.

“I never would’ve guessed he liked us.” You mumbled, trying to hide your sudden shyness. “He’s always quiet and tries to stay away from us.” You heard James chuckled, he knew what he was doing. Dickhead.

Your next show was in London, one of the bigger shows. You were backstage and completely exhausted. It was a flight to bus to hotel to bus to flight to flight to stage and you’d barely slept in the last twenty-something hours.

There was a small room backstage with food and drinks and such. You were stuffing your face full or whatever to keep you going.

You made the mistake of sitting down, someone was beside you but you couldn’t care less who it was. Your eyes closed and you were out.

“Hey,” you heard a voice in your ear, “you’re on in, like, ten minutes.” Slowly, you blinked your eyes open and scanned around, trying to figure out where you were.

You were still in the food room, still on the couch. After you fell asleep you must’ve leaned against the person next to you. You looked over and saw you were fully cuddled up to Castor, a small wet spot on his sleeve from drool. You quickly wiped your mouth and moved away from him. “Sorry, I’m just really, really tired, I didn’t mean to.” You blurted, the words slurring together in your still sleep state.

Castor just stared at you until you stopped talking. “You can sleep on me.” He said. Your head was in your hands and you were rubbing your eyes.

You peaked up at him. “Yeah?” He nodded and you sat up again, resting your head on his shoulder.

“I mean, you still have a show to do.” You groaned loudly and he laughed as you got up and stumbled away.

On the bus ride after the show to the hotel you could barely keep your eyes open. Honestly you were pretty sure you blacked out on stage at a few points.

Castor came over to you and hesitantly sat down beside you. “Tired?” He asked. You nodded as you moved to cuddle up to him again. He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you closer.

You woke up a few times but didn’t stay awake for long. You saw James' long ass legs standing in front of you on the bus, you saw the entrance of the hotel while you were being carried to your room.

The next morning you woke up with your head on Castor’s chest, his arms wrapped loosely around you.

You whined softly and rubbed your eyes. “What time is it..?” Castor brushed some hair out of your face.

“Ten.” He responded, his voice raspy from sleep. It was light outside so you assumed he meant in the morning, meaning you didn’t have to move for a few hours yet. So, you closed your eyes and nuzzled into him, quickly falling back asleep.

You didn’t realize the mistake you’d made until later that evening at another show.

You had to wear these passes so people knew you were in a band and were supposed to be backstage. These passes always had a picture of you so if anyone ever tried to steal it they wouldn’t get very far.

Your bandmate handed you your new pass since you’d been told it was left in another hotel, but you had it the night before and usually kept it in the same spot on the bus. You took the pass and saw the picture of you barely awake and cuddling with a fully asleep Castor.

“Like your new pass?” James gleamed as he came up to you before the show. Castor came by presenting a nearly matching photo of the both of you curled up in bed together.

[roping-riding-wrangling]

Bennie and the Jets

“Y/n” he says with that tone. The same tone he used to tell you that your family dog Tammy had been hit by a car. The same tone he used when your mother died.

“Dad, what's wrong?”

He pulls you to sit with him on the plastic chairs. 

“I got a call from the police. Benny, he…he was found dead this morning”

Your hand flies to your face. Your dad’s hand rubs comforting circles on your back as you try to catch your breath. 

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten 

Over and over you count to ten until you find your voice again, “What happened?”

Previous Part

summary: Y/n's day goes from bad to worse as she suffers caffeine withdrawals, finds out her boss is dead, and almost gets into a car accident.

Words: 3k

Warnings: Newby!reader, death, mentions of suicide, brief mention of dead dog, swearing, ANGST, reader ignoring her emotions™

Sleep has a firm grip on you in the early morning. After last night, you got home to find your dad already asleep. You hadn’t taken your uniform off before you crashed onto your bed. You dreamt of milkshakes and volleyballs and little girls with tattoos. The alarm wakes you violently, and violently you react. You smash the thing until it stops beeping, groaning when you hear it five minutes later. You shoot up and rip the chord from the wall, effectively silencing the machine. Already up, you figure that you might as well get ready for the day.

You go to make your pot of coffee, reaching for the jar where you keep the grinds. “Fuck” you softly whisper. In the chaos of yesterday, you forgot to get more coffee. You glance at your watch.

Fuck. 

There's not enough time to run to the store to get more coffee before practice. You leave a note for your dad and grab the last can of coke from the fridge, hoping it gives you enough energy to make it through the day.

The ride to school is quiet. The sun hasn’t quite risen, casting the town of Hawkins in an eerie gray light. The leaves are just starting to fall, some of them already barren. The heat in your truck hasn’t worked since last year and you can see your breath as you drive. The cold this morning is extra bitter. Sleep lingers in your eyes as you make the winding drive, forgoing the cassette to listen to the radio. You park as the sun begins to peek over the horizon. Standing outside your car, you let the light wash over your closed eyes for a minute, taking in the stillness. 

You’ve always preferred sunrises to sunsets. There’s something about the world coming out of darkness that calls to you. Everything is a little less hopeless in the daylight.

You feel someone’s eyes on you. Your gaze darts across the parking lot before landing on none other than Steve Harrington. He stares at you from a few cars down quizzically. You’re too tired to dignify his staring in any meaningful way, offering the smallest tilt of your lip in acknowledgement. You turn back to the sun, ignoring the way he continues to stare at you. 

You let yourself enjoy the last few seconds of sunrise before you go inside. 

––––

It turns out the coke was not enough to get you through the day. It’s fourth period when you feel your eyelids drooping. The pre-calc lesson is not nearly intriguing enough to warrant you staying awake. You’re roused from your almost-slumber by a gentle tap on your shoulder. Carol, a folded paper in her hand, gestures for you to pass the note to Hannah, who sits in front of you. The paper moves along, and for a minute you wonder if Carol even knows your name. 

She’s part of the popular crowd and you tell yourself that it doesn’t matter what she thinks of you. Then the thought hits you: does she even think of you at all. Do any of the popular kids even think about anyone but themselves? Are they so wrapped up in their own bubble that they can even perceive their peers?

As it turns out, normal kids can be perceived by the holier-than-thou popular kids. Next to your locker, Carol congregates with Tommy, Steve, and Nancy, who has seemingly joined their crew through her connection to Steve. It's hard not to overhear them as they gossip about Jonathan Byers.

The parking lot incident had long since been forgotten as you listen to Steve and Tommy joke about Will.

“I bet he killed him”

Their crude speculation brings a scowl to your face. How dare they speak about Jonathan like that when he’s clearly trying to find his brother. Anger pools in your stomach and you pull out your books faster, eager to avoid listening to this bullshit. Suddenly Nancy’s gentle voice pipes up, “Should we say something?”

You’re suddenly grateful that you’re facing your locker, as you’re sure the shock from hearing her defend him is written all over your face. You peak over your shoulder to see her approach Jonathan. You can’t hear the short discussion, but Jonathan purses his lips and nods at her. She walks back and you and Jonathan make eye contact. 

It’s heartbreaking how terrible he looks. He’s even more disheveled than normal, hair unbrushed, eyes puffy and sunken in. You give him a small nod and a look that you hope he reads as “I’m sorry and good luck”

He leaves. 

–––

Fifth period is just as brutal as the last. You had just nodded off for the third time when the secretary opens the classroom door. All eyes turn to her as she calls for you to join her in the hallway. 

The walk to the office is silent as you run through every scenario of why you would possibly be called up. The secretary opens the door for you to see your dad waiting for you. 

“Y/n” he says with that tone. The same tone he used to tell you that your family dog Tammy had been hit by a car. The same tone he used when your mother died.

“Dad, what's wrong?”

He pulls you to sit with him on the plastic chairs. 

“I got a call from the police. Benny, he…he was found dead this morning”

Your hand flies to your face. Your dad’s hand rubs comforting circles on your back as you try to catch your breath. 

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten 

Over and over you count to ten until you find your voice again, “what happened?”

“Buddy, I don’t think-”

“Dad, what happened”

“He shot himself”

“Oh”

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten 

One, two, three, fo–

“Buddy, the police want to talk to you, ask you a couple questions about Benny. I’m gonna take you down to the station. When we’re done we can go home.”

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten 

“Ok”

You walk to your locker to collect your things in a daze. It continues all the way to the station and your dad has to stop you from walking into a wall. If you weren’t in such a state of shock, you probably would’ve laughed. 

An officer whose name you immediately forget takes down your information and you lose count of how many sets of ten you’ve collected. Finally, Chief Hopper sits in front of you and introduces himself. 

“Jim Hopper”

“Y/n Newby”

“y/n, you were the last person to see Benny. Did you notice anything odd about his behavior?”

“Um, no he seemed fine–normal. But, I wasn’t the last person.”

“What do you mean?”

“There was a little kid that broke in last night, a runaway.”

“We heard about the kid, did you get a good look? Did he look like this?”

He produces a missing kid poster, Will’s picture on the front. The nausea returns to your body.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten

“No, uh, that's Will Byers. I know Will and I didn’t recognize this kid. We called social services. They were supposed to come this morning.”

“So there’s a chance this kid’s running around too?”

The thought of the little girl from yesterday being on her own again terrifies you. You count two more sets of ten before another officer pipes up, clearly not reading the room, “Huh chief, what’re the chances of two missing kid cases in the same 24 hours–in Hawkins!”

You see a spark of connection flash on the chief’s face, a look you can understand. You’re pretty sure you’ve connected the same dots he has: Will, the little girl, and Benny’s death are all intertwined. 

–––

The bedroom feels tiny yet giant all at once. The popcorn ceiling seems to dance in front of you–probably because you’ve been staring at it for the past few hours. No matter how you try and put the pieces together, none of them fit. Any way you looked at it, it didn’t make sense. The big question underlying everything was Why? 

After what felt like another hour of staring at the ceiling, you had a horrible realization. You never got the coffee. Laughter bubbles out of you uncontrollably. You trap the laughter behind your hands, horrified at the humor of the situation–and at yourself for getting lost in it. God, what a mess this whole day has turned out to be. 

Turning over, your clock displays the time– 4:52 pm. Your dad is still at work. He had stayed with you for an hour before going back, letting you know he’d be back later than normal. He had to be at the store to meet with someone or receive a shipment or something–honestly, you weren’t really listening. You didn’t protest, just gave him a hug and told him you were fine. 

You grab your bag and head outside but your truck is nowhere to be found. That's right, you remember, dad drove you home, which means your truck is still at the high school. As you contemplate how long the walk to the school is going to take, Mrs. Henderson leaves her door, calling out your name before walking over, a sad smile on her face. Clearly, news travels fast.

“Oh, Y/n, I was just coming over to check on you. How’re you holding up? Your dad told me what happened.”

You glance down at your converse and shift from foot to foot. “Um I’m ok, all things considered. I was about to head to the store.”

“Why don’t you let me drive you? I’ve been meaning to pick up a few things too,” she’s clearly trying to be subtle but you doubt she’s going to let you go alone.

“Uh sure,” you answer, not wanting to be rude.

Sitting in her car isn’t as uncomfortable as you thought it’d be. Mrs. Henderson pointedly doesn’t ask about Benny, but does make small talk. 

“How’s volleyball going? Your dad was telling me you made varsity this year? Congratulations!”

“Oh yeah, its pretty good. Coach has us doing morning practices every other day. Getting ready for the first game in a few weeks.”

“Ooh are you excited? It must be nerve wracking to be so close to game day”

You shrug your shoulders.

“I guess, but I’m not that worried. Our first game is against Cuark High, and they're not that intimidating.”

Mrs Henderson hummed in acknowledgement. The radio played a beach boys song so softly the words were incomprehensible. She tended to listen to older music, you noticed. Soft tunes that crooned of love and hope were always the soundtrack of the Henderson home. You appreciated the way Ms. Henderson emphasized comfort throughout her life. 

When the Hendersons first moved in next to you, your father had insisted that you offer your help. After a full day of unloading furniture and unpacking boxes, Mrs. Henderson had cooked you a hearty meal. Dustin was just 9 years old and had stared at you with wide eyes as you ate. As you helped Mrs. Henderson clean the dishes, she’d told you that if you ever needed a woman to talk to, she was just a short walk away. 

The woman rambles gently about some mischief her cat got up to while you stare at the radio. It's a horrifyingly familiar piano riff. If there was ever a song you didn’t want to hear, it's this. Elton John’s unintelligible singing continues as it draws nearer to the chorus. You try to will the radio to combust as your hands ball into tighter and tighter fists. 

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Over and over you count until all you can focus on is the song in your ears and the numbers in your head.

“...Y/n? What's wrong?” Ms. Henderson's voice cuts through the ringing of ears and the song, which seems impossibly loud. 

“B-B-B-Bennie and the jets” Elton John's voice sings emphatically.

“Oh god!” Ms Henderson exclaims, quickly switching off the radio, “I’m so sorry sweetie, I didn’t even hear the song playing.”

The silence from the radio is welcome, but the ringing in your ears remains. 

As you pulled into the parking lot, you came out of your daze. 

“Y/n, sweetie, would you mind grabbing a cart?”

You silently grabbed a shopping cart from the line up, falling into step with her. 

“What's on your list?” Mrs. Henderson asked, pulling out a written list from her bag. 

“Uh, just coffee”

“Oh, thats it?” You shrugged. Your father had never been the shopping list type, preferring to just pick up whatever he needed on the way home. It was a trait you’d picked up as well. 

“Well, we can get that first then we’ll tackle my list.”

You trailed behind your neighbor with the cart, occasionally throwing in groceries that looked interesting or you figured you’d be running out of soon. A pack of coke, a bag of chips, and a carton of eggs soon joined your coffee grinds in the cart, surrounded by Mrs. Henderson’s haul. 

It was dark by the time you got out of the store, and you pulled your sweater arms up on your hands to protect them from the chilly air.

Her car warms you up quickly and you are reminded of your own car, “Mrs. Henderson,” you begin, “could you stop by the high school? My truck is still parked there.”

“Of course sweetie, don’t want you walking so early in the morning tomorrow!”

The drive to the school is fairly quiet until a thought pops into your head, “How’s Dustin holding up with the whole Will thing?”

A sad look crosses Mrs. Henderson’s face, “Honestly, I don’t know. He seems to be perfectly unaffected. I don’t know if he’s really optimistic or just putting on a brave face…he’s always been a resilient kid, but I can’t imagine how it’ll affect him if Will…” she shakes the worried look off her face, “I hope they find him soon.”

“Yeah, me too.”

She pulls her car next to yours and turns to face you. “Y/n, I know that you probably don’t want to talk about Benny right now. But I want you to know I’m here for you. If you need a shoulder, or another girls’ night, I’m just a walk away.”

“Oh,” you aren’t sure how to respond, “Thank you…I’ll keep that in mind.”

She pursed her lips, an emotion crossing her face that you couldn’t quite read.

“Anyways, thanks for the ride…it was nice. And make sure Dustin helps you carry in the groceries. I know you’ll probably try and make it in one trip.”

“Dustin’s actually at the Wheelers tonight, though he should be getting soon I suppose.” she replies, seemingly realizing the time

Driving your truck home, you immediately missed the warmth that Mrs. Henderson’s car offered. Alone with your thoughts, your mind began to wander as you drove. Considering all the odd things going on in town, you tried to piece them all together. Maybe Eleven and Will met and were on the run together, but why would Will run away? And on that note, Why had Eleven run? Did social services ever pick her up? How long after they showed up did Benny shoot himself? Did he even wait for it? Did Eleven have to witness it? 

You were so lost in thought that you almost didn’t see the other car parked on the side of the road. You have to use your whole body to turn the wheel enough to avoid hitting the car. Huh. It looks slightly familiar. Then it hits you. This is Jonathan’s car. You pull in front of it, hopping out the truck. Looking around, you see the caution tape and a pit grows in your stomach. 

“Jonathan!” you call out, trying no to let your voice quiver. “Jonathan! Where are you?”

Silence. 

You take a deep breath before breaching the treeline, still yelling his name. The empty branches shine silver in the moonlight. Leaves crunch beneath your feet as you carefully step through the woods. You stop for a minute to listen for any sort of response before continuing the trek. 

“Y/n?”

You whip around, Jonathan standing behind you, camera in hand

“What are you doing here?”

“Me? What are you doing here?” 

He stumbled over his words for a few seconds before clearing his throat, “I was trying to find evidence”

“Evidence of what?”

“I don't know, whatever I could find.”

“Jesus christ. Well, did you find anything?”

“Not really.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah me too…I heard about Benny.”

You purse your lips and look away. You wrap your arms around yourself, shivering. 

“Are you cold?” Jonathan asks, already tugging off his coat.

“Oh I’m fine, besides, now you’re gonna be cold” you shake your head in protest as he tries to hand you the coat. 

“I’ll be fine, besides I run hot.”

You hum in consideration. You are really cold and his jacket looks really warm compared to your hoodie. 

“Thanks”

You warm up almost instantly, pulling the coat further around yourself. 

You walk back to your cars in solemn silence. 

“Jonathan,” you say as you reach the edge of the woods, “I am really sorry about Will. He’s a good kid.”

Jonathan turns to you, eyes shining in the moonlight. He lets out a defeated sigh.

“Yeah he is…I need him to be okay.”

“He will be.” you rest a comforting hand on his shoulder and the boy surprises you with a bear hug. You hear him sniffle into your shoulder. 

It's a weird sensation, all in all, as Jonathan holds onto you. You’re not quite sure where to put your hands, and you struggle to support the sudden weight. 

“It’ll be ok, you’re ok”  you whisper to him, comforting him in his crisis. 

His breathing evens out and he steps away, pink faced. “Sorry about that.”

“It's okay, Jonathan. Sometimes you just need to let it out.”

He chuckles wetly, wiping his face. 

“See you at school tomorrow.”

You wave from your window, “See ya!”

Next Chapter

Tags:

@ucannotcompare

[mumblelard]

ruth acting out or fresh everything bagels sitting on the counter top waiting to be toasted

on friday, i went to a baseball game with finn and fall, and i drank a beer, and we ate hot dogs, and we watched the fireworks after the game like it was two thousand and twelve or something. it was a really nice night

we ran into one of their oldest friends at the game, someone they have known so long, i don't know if they can even remember meeting. i accidentally talked to her boyfriend as though he spoke my own language and it i guess it scrambled his brain for a bit, but i think he'll be alright

my dad usually takes me to a baseball game around my birthday, but a few days before the date of this year's game, i mentioned that i was looking forward to it, and he seemed confused. then he said, 'oh, that fell through,' and that was the end of that

this week has been full of unexpected, dark developments in the lives of people on the edges of my life. my usual experience of the world lives somewhere on the scale of tired sadness to hopeful joy, but this whole last week was stained by the lurking potential for tragedy

last night i dreamed about swimming through the crystal clear waters of a drowned city and massive waves would lift me up twenty stories in a moment and then drag me down into the depths. i dreamt about eating a package of ramen that tasted like a fried chicken sandwich with dill pickle chips, and i dreamt about finding a nest full of baby squirrels waiting to be fed

[k-slla]

Wish You Were Here

First of all, I have to say thank you to @deanbrainrotwritings for helping me on this one - I really really appreciate it 💖 & @impala-dreamer for the perfect song for this fic💖

Another one done for the @jacklesversebingo :)

Square filled: "I want to be the last one you love." will be in bold

Word count: ∼4.5k

Trigger warnings: Suicide, suicidal ideation, trauma, depression, mental illness, panic attack, angst

My Masterlist

You woke up abruptly. Clock on the nightstand glowed at 3:23. There was no way that you could fall asleep again now. You blinked away the tears that were welling up in your eyes. Feeling them roll down your cheeks, you sat up on the bed, trying to ignore the empty side next to you.

You had dreamt of him again. Actually, the more you thought about it, you realized, it wasn't just a dream. It was a memory of three of you- you, Jensen, and your daughter Elis flying a kite at your lake house on a beautiful, autumn evening a couple of years back.

It was the beginning of September- days were still warm but after sunset, it got cold quite fast.

Elis was running around with the kite until she stumbled on a rock. Jensen quickly ran after her to grab the kite by the string she had let go when she fell. "Hey, Princess, you okay?" He tried to help her, but she just stood up, took the kite back from him and said happily: "Yes, thank you, Daddy! " And ran away again. He shook his head and smiled to himself. "Like mother, like daughter." He said quietly.

You pulled him up and put your arms around his neck. "What was that?" You asked him, your lips teasingly hovering over his, but still not touching. "I said that she's just as stubborn as her mother. Never letting me help her. What am I supposed to do with the two of you?"

You swatted him lightly on his shoulder and made sure that Elis was out of earshot before continuing."Oh, shush, honey. Besides, didn't you help me last night? I remember letting you be really, really helpful. In the bedroom and on the balcony." You said slowly as he pecked your lips softly between your words. Sometimes you were glad you didn't have any close neighbors and that Elis is a heavy sleeper. Otherwise it would've been a very, very uncomfortable situation.

"In the shower too." He added.

You looked flirtily up to him. "Yeah, no, I definitely don't remember that."

"Hmm...I'll have to remind you tonight then, if you promise to keep quiet." He laughed cheekily, and pulled you close to him, and pressed a kiss on your forehead. You stood in comfortable silence in his arms, watching closely how Elis chased after your dog in the backyard, laughing and trying to catch up with her. The kite was already abandoned somewhere on the ground.

It started to get dark, so it was time to head inside. "Elis, honey, let's go inside now!" You called after her. "But moomm! Little bit more, please!"

"Not today, Princess! It's getting cold soon!" Jensen said and she immediately came running back to you, jumping into his arms. She has always been Daddy's girl. "How do you always get through to her?" You were amazed by him. "Let's just say I've had some practice." He gave you a wink and started walking towards your house.

You decided to linger behind to watch them go.

Small moments like these are the ones you would never forget. Now, these memories are even more precious. This dream has been a recurring one for you, ever since his funeral.

You got out of bed and walked downstairs to the living room, picked up an album from the shelf and sat on the couch. Looking at the pictures there were many thoughts in your head. Why didn't he talk to you? How could he let things get so bad that he saw no other way to get out? Why didn't he ask for your help? That's what hurt you the most. That after 8 years of being married, you felt like he still couldn't trust you enough to tell you how he was truly feeling. He suffered alone and you didn't see it until it was too late.

Knowing that this was his choice, was agonizing. Jensen chose to leave you, your daughter, and everyone he knew and cared about. How were you supposed to be able to accept that? It's been close to a year already and no matter what your therapist or anyone else says, it does not get better with time. For you, it still hurts the same.

You've had easier days and hard ones after that. You knew already that today will be especially hard for you to function. You missed him every day with your body, mind and soul, feeling like you were just an empty shell slowly moving through your daily routines. But today, you wanted - no, needed him to hug you, kiss you and tell you that everything's going to be okay. Even if you knew that it was the biggest lie ever, Jensen still always managed to make you believe it.

You sat there for a few hours, flipping through the album, looking at your wedding pictures, focusing really only on the smile on Jensen's face. How the happiness it was showing was just a cover up for all the pain he must have been feeling inside. And he hid it well. "Why did you do this? I don't understand. I could've helped you. Why didn't you talk to me, Jay?" You asked, voice barely above whisper, brushing your fingers over a picture of him and Jared laughing together, hoping to hear him answer. Turning the page you saw both of your handwritten vows you kept from the wedding. The memories brought back the tears that had already dried on your cheeks.

"Y/N, my dear, I love you. More than anything. And I will tell you that every day for the rest of my life. I promise to take your hand today, to hold and to guide you through life next to me, until we're old and wrinkly. I want you to know that I accept all your flaws and quirks because these little things make you who you are.

And while I adore your grumpy, almost lethal glares in the mornings when I forget to put sugar in your coffee, I promise that I have finally learned from my past mistakes.

You are the perfect woman and you make me try to be perfect too. You really are my dream come true, standing right here in front of me. All I ask from you today, is one promise: please promise me that your love for me won't ever fade. No matter the hardships we'll have to go through. I want to be the last one you love, because you are the one for me."

He did tell you that every day. Even when you had the biggest fight that day, you never went to bed angry and not once did you miss the I love you’s. You couldn't help but smile through tears when you read his vows over again, thinking of the excitement and happiness you were feeling when you first heard it. Now, it fills you with sadness.

It was almost 6am and you know Jared usually wakes up at around 5:30. It felt pathetic to call your late husband's best friend at 6am but you just needed to talk to him. Jensen was more like a brother to him. He lost that part of him that day, so he knew what you were feeling. Almost. You dialed his number and waited for him to pick up.

"Hey, Y/N. How are you?" His quiet voice rang through the speaker. "Not good, Jared." There was silence on the other side as he waited for you to continue. "I had a dream of him again today. I miss him. So much." You added with a shaky breath.

"I know. I miss him too. Can I-" he breathed in deeply. "Is there anything I can do?" You started thinking of how anyone but yourself really could help you.

"I don't know." You whispered. "I guess I just have to get through it somehow." For some reason you felt like the "acceptance" stage of grieving, just wasn't on the horizon for you, not any time soon.

"You are not alone, you know that, right? You can talk to me. About anything."

You nodded, but realized he couldn't see you. "I know, J. Thank you."

"Would you like us to pick up Elis for the day? We were planning to go to the fair today and I know for sure my kids would be thrilled to have her come join us. You could have the day to take care of yourself."

You always hated the feeling of being helpless and weak. Lately, it felt that it was all you were. Weak. For the last months, someone has been over to help you frequently. Your parents and in-laws came over the most. Surely, they just wanted to check on you and see their granddaughter, but every time they came, you and your home were always a mess. Deep down you knew that they would never judge, but it still made you feel like you were failing as a mother.

"I don't want to burden you."

He sighed. "Honey, you would never be a burden to us. Don't ever think like that. I'll pick her up around 9, is that good?"

"Okay." You said, exhaling deeply, hoping you'd finally get the rest that you've been missing for the past few months.

You dried your face from tears and dragged yourself to the kitchen to make some tea for you and Elis. After preparing breakfast, you went to wake her up. You were glad she didn't wake up earlier. You wouldn't want to let her see you like that.

"Morning, sweetie!" She was stirring in bed tiredly. "Morning, mommy." She mumbled out quietly. She sat up and shuddered. "Are you cold?" You asked and sat on her bed to pull her close to you. She climbed fully onto your lap and you held tight while she was still waking up.

"I talked to Uncle J today. He wanted to see if you'd like to go to a fair with them?" You had a feeling you already knew what her answer was going to be.

"Can we go? Pleeease?" All her tiredness was being swept away.

"He'll pick you up soon, so let's get you some breakfast." You said as you started to go through her closet to pick some clothes out.

"You're not coming?" The disappointment in her voice broke your heart. "Not today, sweetie, but you'll go and you will have fun for both of us, okay?" Giving her a small smile, you stood in front of her with three outfits. "So, what's it gonna be today? Purple, green or yellow?" Elis was at that age, where she had to do everything herself, but she always wanted her outfit to match head to toe, so every morning you gave her some color options and tried your best to match clothes up. The combinations weren't always the best, but it made her happy, so you were happy. "Purple!"

"Okay, purple it is. Come downstairs when you're ready." You gave her the clothes and left her to dress. "Yes, Mom!"

You heard a car pull up and minute later, Jared let himself in, greeting you loudly. "Hey, girls!" He came to give both of you hugs. "You want coffee or to eat something? Help yourself." You said and pointed to a table full of way too much food for just you and Elis. But you couldn't help it, you love cooking, and most of all, you love cooking whenever you're stressed. "I'll just quickly do her hair and then she's ready to go." You ushered Elis to the bathroom to brush her teeth and braid her hair.

A little bit later, you were saying goodbye to them when Jared hugged you again and whispered. "I meant it, Y/N. Please take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will, I promise. Probably passing out as soon as I close the door behind you." You chuckled. "Good! Do that! El, you ready?" He asked louder. "Yes!" And she gave you one last hug. "Love you, Mom!"

"Love you too! Have fun!"

Almost an hour had passed and you hadn't fallen asleep, instead of it, you laid in bed, thinking of what to do next. You knew exactly what you should do- get back to work full time. You were a freelance photographer, so you had some freedom in shaping your work schedule.

For the last months though, you had held back on taking new projects on. You had plenty of events already that had been planned long in advance and those kept you busy enough. But you knew it was probably the best for you to get out there again. Jensen would definitely say the same. For the sake of your mental health, you decided that coming Monday morning, you'd reach out to your contacts to see if anything new was coming up.

Since you couldn't sleep, you didn't want to let the day go to waste, so you decided to get busy instead. And you were honestly surprised to see how much you got done that afternoon. You managed to actually go and get the groceries for the week, instead of getting them delivered and cleaned the house from top to bottom. It wasn't a lot, if you'd think a year back, but even this seemed like a huge success for you lately. At least it kept you busy for hours. Still, you felt like your day was going too good for you and you were dreading the moment when you'd crash. You knew it would come. It always did.

It was early evening when Jared let you know that they'll take Elis with them to dinner before bringing her home. This gave you a few more hours alone. And you still had leftovers from this morning, so instead of just moping around, you decided to take a long shower. Maybe it would make you feel better about yourself.

You entered the bathroom and undressed, suddenly feeling exhausted and drained. You turned the water onto the hottest setting, hoping the burn on your skin would ease the pain you endured on the inside. You didn't know how to go on without him. You didn't want to. It was hard. And you couldn't help but think that Jensen found an easy way out. Like he gave up too easily, without giving you a chance to help him. Yes, you didn't have any idea how bad it must've been for him, but to you, it also felt like your promises of standing beside him, no matter what life would throw at you, were broken against your will. You couldn't stop the thoughts that passed through your head. What if I just do it? End it all. It sounds so easy. I'd be finally free of this constant pain and the feeling of being useless and pathetic. He did it. What's stopping me?

"Elis. You will not give up because of her." You said out loud, hating yourself for even having these stupid, stupid thoughts.

You stood under the hot stream of water for some time, scrubbing your skin until it was red. Starting to feel lightheaded from the heat, you got out of the shower. You stood in front of the mirror, taking a long look at yourself and you couldn't recognize the woman in the reflection. That there wasn't you. You refused to believe that. She looked small, fragile and tired. Not a sign in there of a confident, happy woman you used to be.

You pulled a towel around you and walked out of the bedroom to get dressed. You stopped in front of your closet and you were nailed in place. You could see it clearly. He was laying in there, like the day you found him. When it was already too late. You knew this was just your imagination but you had to shut your eyes painfully tight to make the view disappear. This is not real, I'm just seeing things. This is not real. This is not real. You kept repeating to yourself in your head.

Then it hit you like a ton of bricks. Your ears were ringing and your body started to shiver uncontrollably. "No, no, no, not now." You whispered and lowered yourself to the floor before your legs would give out. Leaning against the wall, it felt nauseating to just sit there, but you couldn't move. You didn’t know how long you were sitting there, but after some time you heard the front door closing and someone walking downstairs.

"Y/N, dear, it's me." Donna's voice rang through the hall. "I thought I'd come see how you're doing. You didn't answer your phone." His mom was here and you couldn't be more thankful for her for coming over right now. She and Alan supported and cared for you like your own parents did.

"I'm..here!" You called out to her shallowly. It took a minute before she found you. Her expression dropped immediately, when she saw you down on the floor. You looked up at her. "I'm so sorry, Donna. I'm - I should've-" I should've helped him, is what you wanted to say to her, but choked up in tears instead. You lost your husband, she lost her son. You couldn't even imagine what she must be going through.

She sat down next to you and pulled you into a hug. "Shh, honey, it is not your fault. Not at all." She whispered and held you close until you started to calm down a little bit. When someone other than yourself said it, it didn't seem as big of a lie. You took some deep relaxing breaths. "Let's get you dressed and downstairs. I'll make us some tea, okay?" She asked gently and let you go from her embrace. "Yeah, okay." You said quietly and got up.

After getting into your sleepwear, you followed Donna downstairs, where she was already waiting for you with tea. "Careful, it's hot." You sat down next to her on the couch and accepted the mug she offered you. "Thank you." You held it with both hands to warm them up. Feeling the first long sip warming you up from the inside, you sank more into the couch. Donna gave you some time in silence.

"Where's El? With your parents?" You took a sip of tea and shook your head. "No. She's with Jared today. They went to a fair and he thought maybe I'd need some time for myself. She should be home soon." She looked at you like she'd want to say something, but stayed quiet instead. "Hey, I know that look, you know? You can say what you're thinking." You laughed. You had more than once received it from your loved ones. "I'm sorry, Y/N, it's just I'm worried..Are your panic attacks getting more frequent? Have you talked to your doctor about them?" Yep, you knew this was coming. "Well, they're not as often as they used to be. Sometimes they just hit me hard. Sometimes, like today, I get triggered, because my imagination decides to just screw me over." You left a little pause in the conversation.

"I saw him in there again." Thinking back to when Donna found you in front of the closet. "I knew this wasn't real, but I saw him in there. I can't get that sight out of my head. I just can't. It feels like nothing is helping me." You let out a frustrated sigh.

She put her hand over yours. "I know this is a big thing, but have you thought about moving? Maybe this house that you spent your lives together in, itself is triggering you?"

"I haven't thought about it. But it's the only home Elis knows. All her memories of her Dad are in this house. I don't know if moving would be the right decision. Maybe someday in the future, but not yet."

Suddenly your phone rang in the kitchen. You got up to answer it.

"Hey, Y/N, we'll be home in about 20. Elis is totally out, sleeping in the backseat already."

"Okay, perfect, we'll go straight to bed then. See you soon!"

You ended the call and joined Donna again. "They'll be home in 20. I thought you'd get to say hi too, but he said that Elis is sleeping already." You smiled at her.

"Oh, it's okay. I actually wanted more to check up on you today. Had a feeling I should, you know?"

"Thank you for coming. Really. I needed that."

She hugged you. "Of course, dear. Maybe she can come stay with us for the weekend next week?"

"Oh, I'm sure she'd love that."

You said your goodbyes and stayed in the kitchen to wait for Jared and Elis. While you were sitting at the kitchen table, you remembered the first Holiday party that you and Jensen hosted in your home.

Saying that you were nervous that night, would’ve definitely been an understatement. You planned the dinner for ages, before getting the menu just perfect. It wasn’t going to be anything big, just your families coming over for Christmas dinner/ housewarming, but it meant a lot to you to get this perfect. And you still managed to run out of time, so at the last minute you were cooking, decorating and then redecorating the whole house.

“Relax, Y/N, it doesn’t have to be perfect. We'll be fine.” Jensen remained calm as he tried to get you to relax. “It won't be perfect, I can't even make a simple dinner party happen.” You sniffled. He came to stand behind you, while you were slicing oranges for the cider that should've been all done by this time, and started to massage your shoulders. With a deep sigh, you finally let yourself lean into his touch. “Listen...” He put his arms tightly around you. “I know that tonight's important to you, babe, and it's important to me too, but it's still just our own people. They’d hate to see you so stressed out over a dinner for them.” He kissed the top of your head. You turned around and locked your arms around his waist. “You're probably right.” You said quietly and took a deep breath. “So how about we'll let everyone know that dinner will be a little later tonight, and we could turn this into a cooking party instead? We already have everything we need and I'm sure everyone will still have a great time.”

And he was absolutely right because that night ended up being some of the most fun that you've had. Everyone loved cooking dinner together. Jensen and his siblings fooled around the kitchen like children and more than once you had to scold them. After that dinner, both your and Jensen’s parents started to ask about when you two would have kids, joking that you’ve had practice with multiple already.

A little later Jared's car pulled up the driveway. He opened the door and you saw Elis step out, groggily walking towards the house, a new light blue bunny in her hand. "Hey, baby, how was your day?" You asked her quietly when she reached for you to pick her up. "Good." She said quietly and put her head on your shoulder and almost fell asleep again.

"So, I have to come clean. We didn't hold back on spoiling the kids today, I was actually worried if she'd fall asleep from all that sugar." He laughed. "I hope it's okay."

"Of course it is. I think she needed that, so thank you again."

You got Elis awake enough to get her to brush her teeth and into pajamas. She sat in front of you when you were loosely braiding her hair for bed.

"Mommy?" She asked tiredly.

"Yes, honey?"

She turned around to look at you. "Can you sing to me tonight? Like Daddy did?" You felt your eyes tearing up a little. Since the funeral, not once had she asked for you to sing to her. This was her’s and Jensen’s little thing together, so it meant the world to you right now. "Of course, baby." You hugged her. "But you have to know, Daddy was a much better singer than me." That got a little laugh out of her, which brought a smile to your face too.

You got up from her bed. "Come. Take your Bunny with you. You're sleeping with me tonight. You have your Bunny but I want some cuddles too." Her face lit up out of happiness and she looked so much like Jensen, especially when she smiled. She had the same bright green eyes as he did. She jumped off the bed and hugged you. "I love you!" You hugged her back. "I love you too, go on, I'll be right behind you." You said and watched as she ran off into your bedroom. You followed her in there and climbed into bed next to her, pulling her close to you.

"Do you want the same song that Daddy used to sing?" You looked down and saw her nodding silently against your chest. "Okay." You took a moment to see if you still remembered all the lyrics, even though you knew she'd probably sleep in a minute.

Hey Jude, don't make it bad

Take a sad song and make it better

In your mind you could see Jensen singing it to her for the first time, when she was almost one year old. At least that was the first time you heard him sing it.

Remember to let her into your heart

Then you can start to make it better

He was in her nursery, sitting in the rocking chair next to her crib. She had just started teething and was crying all night long.

Hey Jude, don't be afraid

You were made to go out and get her

Jensen had gotten home for a longer break from filming the show and gave you a chance to rest, so he sat up with her, trying to get her to sleep.

The minute you let her under your skin

Then you begin to make it better

You remember standing quietly by the door, listening to his voice carrying out the lyrics.

After that night, him singing this song almost instantly calmed her down in any situation. That's how amazingly good his singing was. Not that you needed any confirmation on that.

And any time you feel the pain

Hey Jude, refrain

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

For well, you know that it's a fool

Who plays it cool

By making his world a little colder

You finished singing when you knew certainly she was asleep again and pulled her closer to you.

The thought that this song is something that will always stay with you, filled you with joy. And while it would take another year or decade, you knew that one day thinking of Jensen would bring a smile to your face and be a little less painful than it was today. You love him and you would always love him, no amount of time would ever change that.

Tags: @jackles010378 @cevansbaby-dove @deanwinchestersgirl87 @alternativeprincess94

[spicysix]

bestfriend!steve and reader are working at fv and it’s extremely slow, so they pass the time by playing a cute game of MASH. Reader starts picking names, locations, & pets and when the game’s over, Steve reads back his ending result (example: Steve gets to live in a house with Robin and they own a pet flamingo in the North Pole) but when he says your results it’s like the life he’s always wanted with you. (Example: you’re married to him in a house with six kids in Ohio with a pet dog) I hope this makes sense because at the end he mumbles some shit like “I’ve dreamt of this life with you” and the reader is like “same” and then they have their first kiss or something IDK it’s up to you

(If this doesn’t make sense that’s super embarrassing and forget i said anything LOL)

a/n: that did make sense, babe, don't worry! HOWEVER ksksksk i had no idea what MASH was and even though we have a similar game in brasil, i don't remember how to play it and was too lazy to try and learn MASH. so i changed it to fuck marry kill. hope you don't mind it, hope you like the fic anyway! ♡

warnings: just some cursing and, you know, the general theme of hypothetically fucking or killing people hah. and an absurd use of italics. otherwise, pure fluff

word count: 1.7k

↳ requests are open!

fuck-marry-kill

Tuesdays were slow days. No one stops by to rent out movies at the beginning of the week, movie nights are reserved for the weekend. And even though Monday is the beginning of the week, Family Video doesn’t open until Tuesday, so. Not a lot of incomes and most of them were returns, a five-minute-tops interaction and that was it. Anyway, Tuesdays were slow days.

Tuesday afternoon shifts were with Steve. Your schedules - yours, his, and Robin’s - always intertwined with each others’ because you all have bribed off Keith, threatening to expose him and his growing stock of porn he’d casually borrow from the job and never return. He had no choice but to make your shifts as to have at least two of you, together, most days of the week.

And Tuesdays afternoons, you’d spend with Steve.

He was a little fidgety today, you’ve noticed. Steve’s not a fidgety guy. He’s sturdy, reliable, steady. And not like anyone would’ve noticed Steve’s fidgety behavior, no, not anyone. But you’ve noticed. Because you knew him so well.

You knew Steve was not the best guy at opening up, but he was trying his best after a lecture you, Robin and Dustin had gave him about him having friends, and that he could and should open up to his friends, he wasn’t a burden, he was loved and wanted and blah-blah. You think it did got into his head, slowly. But he was still best at opening up with Robin, because they were two halves of the same soul.

So you didn’t meddle in. If he wanted to open up about his fidgetiness to you, he would. If not, he would probably open up to Robin. That’s okay.

“Kay, I’m done with the rewinding,” he showed up by the counter, where you were so busy doodling in a forgotten receipt. “Work’s done, I think we should be able to leave.”

You snorted, looking at the clock in the wall behind you. It was two forty five PM. You had been there for the insane amount of fifteen minutes.

“I wish,” you answered him, and he jumped up at the counter and sat directly behind your drawing - a DeLorean Time Machine, just like the movie. You guys have had a Back To The Future marathon that weekend.

“Looks good,” he complimented, and you hummed in appreciation, finishing off the last details, uncurling your spine and handing Steve the doodle before jumping to sit beside him.

Who cares if you were standing with your backs to the door? The store had a bell for that reason.

Steve carefully folded the doodle and placed it on his back pocket, like he’d do with every drawing you gave him. You gave him every drawing precisely for the fact that he kept them all - you saw them, once, when you drank too much and passed out in his couch after a get together. You woke up in his bed, all your drawings glued to the wall beside some Polaroids of your friends and the children you babysat - barely children anymore, but whatever.

You didn’t mention them once you went down the stairs and found him, Robin and Eddie in a huge hangover in the kitchen. But you could tell he understood the fondness in your eyes.

“We should play a game,” he said, after a few minutes of silence. He always did that, you were just waiting for the suggestion to come.

“Which one this time?”

“How ‘bout, Fuck, Marry, Kill?” you sneaked a sideways glance at him, not missing the smirk on his lips.

“Feeling naughty, Stevie?”

“Shut up,” he snickered. “Okay, you first since I came up with the idea. Michael J. Fox, Tom Cruise, Jude Law. Go.”

“You came up with that way too fast,” you joked, and he shrugged, not looking at all embarrassed. “Okay, I’d fuck Jude Law, I mean, have you seen him? Michael J. is the marriage kind, so dreamy! And I’d kill Tom Cruise, I’m not into military propaganda.”

“Valid,” he answered, laughing a little bit. “You also came up with those answers way too fast.”

“What can I say, I’m a made-up-mind kinda gal. Okay, your turn: Molly Ringwald, Carrie Fisher, Jennifer Grey.”

“That’s a hard one,” you nodded in agreement. “Uh… Fuck Jennifer, she probably has the nice flexibility thing to her body. Marry Carrie, she’s the nicest one ever. I’d have to kill Molly. Sorry, Molly. She reminds me of Carol too much, so I don’t actually feel that bad. Not into the preppy girl type anymore.”

You both laughed and continued the game for a few more rounds. You had to chose between names such as Van Halen, Bowie, Sting, John Taylor, Keanu and Ralph Macchio; and made Steve chose between Stevie Nicks, Joan Jett, Geena Davis, Kate Bush, Olivia Newton-John and some others.

It was fun. Steve Harrington was a fun guy. He’d always come up with ways for you to spend time and make it pass by faster in your Tuesday shifts, and you were always thankful for that.

“Okay, I’m going nuts now,” he announced after a quiet time. “How about… fuck, marry, kill: me, Eddie and Jonathan?”

Your eyes almost poppet out of their sockets.

“Stephen! I can’t answer that, ew, no!” you screamed, and he laughed at your antics as you got out of the counter.

“Why not, C’mon, don’t be a coward!”

“I’m not being a coward, but you’re all my friends, I can’t choose! Even less in front of you!” you were only 50% freaking out, the other 50 was finding the whole thing kinda funny.

But you really couldn’t answer that. Oh, no, that would turn the conversation into a completely awkward one.

“Oh, so if it was Robin or Nancy asking, you would’ve answered?” he accused, in a knowing tone, smirk playing at his lips. Bastard.

“Well, yeah, maybe okay? Don’t look at me like that!” you pointed a finger at him and he put both his hands up as if in surrender. “It’s just, it’s a basic sleepover play, yeah?! We’ve all been there.”

“So you’ve played this already at a sleepover, is that what I’m hearing?” he cackled. “Did you answer then?”

“Doesn’t matter, Harrington, if I answered it then, ‘cause I’m not answering it now!” with crossed arms, and fighting not to let a smile out, you stood your ground.

“Okay, you’re a coward. Okay,” he also jumped off the counter, and leaned into it, hands on his hips - his usual mom stance. “Okay. I’ll go then! Between the three of you-”

“STEVE! I don’t wanna know!” you all but yelled, you should leave, really, afraid his answer would actually harm you, but you couldn’t because you also wanted to know.

“I DON’T CARE!” he yelled back, laughing. “I’d kill Robin, obviously, I can’t pick any other choice, I’d fuck Nancy-”

There it was.

“Ugh, you’ve already fucked her multiple times, it doesn’t count,” you murmured, rolling your eyes, suddenly all the humor in you evaporating.

“Woman, listen to me, I’d marry you!” he came closer, his hands in your arms in a firm but soft touch. You almost didn’t notice, but he was shaking, just a little bit. “I would marry you.”

Suddenly, he wasn’t joking anymore. I mean, yeah, there was still a gleam of humor in his eyes, but there was also… honesty. He was being painfully honest.

Your arms uncrossed all by themselves, standing loose on your sides, your eyes wide and your mouth dry.

“What are you saying?” you asked, teary-eyed, afraid you were misunderstanding.

“I’m saying I would marry you, because I know you, and I wanna get to know you even more, because I l-like you, and I wanna grow that feeling, because I can see a future with you by my side and I’m sorry if that’s way too forward, but I wanna be honest here, and I’m sorry that was the only way I could come up with, with something to break the ice first, but. That’s what I’m saying.”

His cheeks were flushed, and you connected the dots between his love marks with your eyes, and you connected the words he said to the way he was looking at you, all tenderness, as if you hung the moon all the way up in the sky, and he was beaming - beaming like the fucking ray of sunshine you knew he was, and Steve. Liked you.

He liked you.

Feeling like walls were tumbling down inside of your chest, you couldn’t help but throw yourself into him, hugging him tightly by the waist and he wasted no time before tangling his fingers in your hair and kissing your forehead with the gentlest of touches.

“I like you too, Stevie. Didn’t ever wanna say it, afraid you wouldn’t say it back. But you light up my Tuesdays. And all my days,” you were saying it pressed to his Family Video vest, the smell of laundry softener and expensive cologne and hairspray and the smell of Steve invading your senses. “Thank you for being braver than me and saying it first. I don’t wanna be nowhere else but beside you.”

You could swear you heard him sob, but you closed your eyes before you could check it, giving space between you, just enough space so you could cradle his face in your hands and kiss him. He tasted faintly of strawberry, and you knew he used just a little bit of ChapStick every morning to keep his lips moisturized - and, goddammit, it worked. He had soft, velvety lips that wrapped around yours gently, savoring the kiss as if he was savoring the most delicious of meals. His hands now in your hips, holding tightly, not willing to let you move, to let you go.  He shouldn’t worry about that. You weren't planning on going anywhere.

You kissed for what felt like ages, making up for the lost time, for all the time you had been his, he had been yours, and you both had no idea about it. You only split up when a car seemed to stop outside - you remembered a Xanadu tape, scheduled for return that day. You caressed his cheek and opened your eyes, foreheads touching, catching your breath, and he was looking at you with so much adoration in his eyes you could’ve sworn you were melting.

“Who would you fuck, after all?” he asked, probably understanding the implied answer that you would marry him too. You chuckled, giving it a thought.

“Hm. Jonathan.”

“WHAT?!” he was scandalized, you laughed even harder. “No, no, Jonathan is a marriage guy, okay, you have to fuck Eddie!”

[me-a-mess-morelikelythanyouthink]

a dedication to someone that doesn’t deserve one

AroarA // june gehringer // sue zhao // ashstfu // ryebreadgf // sue zhao // rvbhleo // osamu dazai // ojibwa // ashstfu // anna ahkmatova // trista mateer // margaret atwood // unknown // mahmoud darwish // ocean vuong // yves olade // unknown // ocean vuong // lucille clinton // fleabag

[text IDs: Image 1: AroarA, #6: “that the house is slowly on fire / that the house is slowly on fire // and I can't get you to leave it / and I can't get you to leave it // and I can't leave without you / and I can't leave without you”

Image 2: june gehringer, I love you, it looks like rain: “the worst part of love is / that I remember it. // I walk around all day thinking: I'm going to die in the universe you loved me in. // I get so jealous of euthanized dogs.“

Image 3: sue zhao: He asks: “"how do I get over somebody I never had?" And says: // I did not love you but I almost did. At one time, I might have loved you - at least, I felt I might have. If you were never loved by me, then nevertheless you were lovable to me. Last night I dreamt that your head lay on my stomach and traced the rise and fall of my breath. It felt complete natural - even though I knew once, we had left each other. Even though I knew we had wounded each other. In the dream state, forgiveness comes easily. I never loved you but I almost did. There are days when the breadth of ambiguity feels much worse. There are days I wish I would have loved you so I would know how to stop.

Image 4: ashstfu, tumblr: “girls vs getting over anythings thats ever happened to them in their life”

Image 5: ryebreadgf, tumblr: “YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN BITE AND SCRATCH AND BEG BUT YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK!”

Image 6: sue zhao: “How often are you violent against yourself? Does it horrify you? Can you stop? Do you want to? And if you did, would you know how to?”

the last three sentences spanning from “Can you stop?” to “would you know how to?” have been underlined in blue

Image 7: rvbhleo, all caps: “WHAT IS THE POINT OF LUKEWARM LOVE? IF IM NOT DROWNING IN IT I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR IT”

Image 8: osamu dazai, no longer human, highlighted in pink: “the wound has gradually become dearer to me than my own flesh and blood”

Image 9: ojibwa, tumblr: “Grieving, grieving, constantly grieving./I mourn what could have been, what will not be, what I can't save.”

Image 10: ashstfu, tumblr: sometimes getting over something is accepting you will never get over it”

Image 11: anna ahkmatova, parting: “I am very calm. Only do not talk to me about him.”

Image 12: margaret atwood, more and more: “there is no reason for this, only a starved dog’s logic on bones”

Image 13: unknown, all caps: “OTHER BOYS ARE BORING AND YOU ARE A BURNING HOUSE I WANT TO LIVE IN”

Image 14: mahmoud darwish, formatted as if in dialogue between two people: “ -Do you have any weapons on you?” “-I have a longing that's killing me.” 

the second sentence is highlighted in yellow

Image 15: trista mateer, honeybee: “I've gotten so good/about not flinching at the sound of your name/that people don't know I'd still throw myself/mouth-open into the ocean/for the chance to drown somewhere you might see it.“

Image 16: yves olade, bloodsport: “All that/matters is that you want to hurt me. // All that matters is that you want me/Say the word & I'll burn for ten days.”

Image 17: unknown, all caps: “LETS GO TO THE GARDEN./LETS BE KIDS AGAIN./I’LL CHASE YOU IF YOU CHASE ME.”

Image 18: ocean vuong, on earth we’re briefly gorgeous, highlighted in yellow: “When does a war end? When can I say vour name and have it mean only your name and not what you left behind?”

Image 19: lucille clifton, climbing: “maybe i should have wanted less./maybe i should have ignored the bowl in me/burning to be filled./maybe i should have wanted less.”

Image 20: fleabag, season 2 episode 6: a screenshot of the priest looking at fleabag, captioned, “It’ll pass.” below]

[lesbiankimdahyun]

Waking up with TWICE

idk what got into me anyway pls enjoy!!

Nayeon 

she starts to wake up when she feels you start to stir in bed

she pokes you in your side lightly to let you know she’s up

but not for long 

you both fall back asleep, but this time nayeon is nestled in your arms

she’s always cold and you run warm, making you irresistible to her

Jeongyeon

when you start to wake, Jeongyeon reaches to haphazardly throw an arm over you 

she’s not ready to get up yet and she wants to keep you with her 

she’d get closer to you except you both run hot when you sleep, and this is as close as you both can stand to get for now 

when you actually wake up you’ll both sit up to cuddle in bed 

Momo

Momo doesn’t even budge when you start to stir, having dogs in the bed every night has made her immune to waking up to every little shift 

you nuzzle her shoulder lightly to let her know you’re there before rolling over to let her sleep more 

you drift back off for a bit 

you wake when you feel Momo wrap her arms around you, she likes to wake up to your scent and touching you (usually wrapping herself around you like a koala) 

Sana

she makes it very obvious when she’s awake and ready to snuggle, she’ll make sure you hear her hum and sigh when she’s up

she likes to be the little spoon

with her in your arms, you crack one eye open to peek at her and see a smile on her face 

you both fall back asleep

you’ll wake up for real when she starts watching funny videos on her phone and you can feel her trying to suppress her giggling 

Jihyo 

she prefers her space at first when she wakes up

usually you wake facing Jihyo’s back, her dark, shiny hair splayed lightly over her shoulders 

when she finally turns to face you, you give her nose mole a tiny kiss

it always makes her blush (but she loves it)

she never lets you two cuddle in bed for long, she’s always more motivated to start the day than you 

Mina 

she usually wakes up first but she’ll pretend to keep sleeping so you don’t wake yet 

she likes to steal glances at you while you’re asleep, her eyes mentally tracing over your nose, the shape of your lips, every feature of your face

you usually wake up feeling like you’re being watched, and when open your eyes, you both laugh— she was gazing at you again

she likes to lie across from you, she’d rather be able to look at you while she touches you, gently tangling her legs in yours

she wishes mornings with you could last longer, she likes the quiet time with you 

Dahyun 

she’s always a lil grumpy in the first minute of waking up 

but when she fully wakes up she wants to talk to you about the dreams she had 

she loves to hear what you dreamt about, too 

the two of you use the time just to chat, voices soft and low, about anything: the day ahead, plans for dinner, current anxieties, well wishes

Chaeyoung 

she’s very quiet when first waking up

the two of you lie in comfortable silence, she’ll usually reach for your hand to hold under the covers

you love to trace her tattoos with your finger, she offers up her back and arms for you to draw on 

sometimes she’ll plan out loud what she’s going to wear for the day before you finally climb out of bed

Tzuyu 

very shy in front of you no matter how many mornings you’ve woken up next to each other

sometimes she peeks only her eyes out from under the covers, so she can hide but still look at you 

on mornings you don’t have much time together, she likes to lie across from you, forehead to forehead

she likes longer mornings better, when the two of you can parallel play in bed 

where you can sit, shoulder to shoulder, reading or scrolling online or journaling 

the only thing she likes better than that is getting out of bed to go get coffee with you

[itsthatpearl]

Layout idea from @secret-smut-sideblog 🩸

Previous chapter

Astarion x F!OC

Dawn of Love

Chapter 5: The Summoning

AO3 LINK

Aura and her companion try to deepen their relationship while they get closer to his destiny

Word count: 1.9k

Beta read by lovely Janna <3

TRIGGERS: talk about past trauma, mentions of sex, kissing, hurt, FLUFF, angst, drama.

----

A woman looked at us, her eyes widening in admiration before she gasped.

“Can I help you?” I asked, breaking the silence.

“Yes, you can. Does that belong to you?” she asked and gestured towards Astarion.

We had made our journey to the Moonrise Towers. I had walked hand-in-hand with Astarion in front and listened to the quiet mutters throughout the journey. We had been fighting, side by side and we actually made a good team. He was incredibly skilled which took me by surprise every time I saw him draw his knife from another now-dead individual. Now we were at the Towers, and managed to walk by some kind of a laboratory.

Her question took me aback. I stared at her, startled

“Excuse me? He doesn’t belong to anybody ” I said, irritated.

“I am sure he believes that” she chuckled out loud. “My name is Araj, and I want no harm, just a tiny favor. And in return I shall give you an elixir that gives you miraculous powers” she continued, her voice dripping temptation.

“What kind of a favor?” Astarion asked, narrowing his eyes.

I stayed quiet. I was still too stunned by her question before.

“Since I was a child, I’ve dreamt of being bitten by a vampire. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. So all I ask is to be bitten by one” she said.

I raised a brow.

“You want Astarion to…bite you?” I asked suspiciously.

“Yes. More than anything I want him to bite me” she said, closing her eyes.

I glanced at Astarion.

“I…of course I can if you want to?” Astarion offered, clearly uncertain.

I turned to the woman and quickly stepped in, forcing a polite smile

“Can you excuse us for a moment?”

She nodded and I pulled Astarion aside.

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do” I looked him deep into his eyes.

He nodded.

“She…smells…strange. There is something wrong with her blood” he whispered.

I nodded.

“Then you won’t bite her” I took his hand giving it a reassuring squeeze.

He blinked a few times and turned to face the woman.

“Intriguing, but no. I won’t bite you” he said.

The woman shook her head and looked at me.

“The dog is walking its owner. I see” she frowned.

Anger bursted hot within me. Without a word, I threw my knife into the wall just inches from her face. It nicked her ear, drawing a thin line of blood. She winced.

“Next time you will lose an eye. Never ever talk to us again” I growled and turned around to leave.

“Goodbye” Astarion smirked and bowed at the woman.

“You are full of surprises, aren’t you?” Astarion smiled as I laid my head on his chest.

I smiled.

“You know…I spent two hundred years using my body to lure pretty things back for my Master” he started. “What I wanted, how I felt about what I was doing, it never mattered” he sighed.

I got up and looked at him in the candlelight.

“You could have asked me to do the same, to throw myself at her, what I wanted be damned. But you didn’t. And I’m grateful for that” he took my hands into his.

I leaned in to kiss him.

“I would never ask you to do anything you don’t want to” I whispered.

Astarion nodded. But there was something. He was holding back again.

“What is it?” I asked brows furrowed.

“Nothing” he shook his head.

I can’t let him close himself again.

“Astarion…” I started. “Last night you said you wanted something…real…with me. If we want…whatever this is…to work, that means we need to tell each other everything. Even if it would hurt the other” I placed my hand on his cheek.

He looked at me quietly.

“I don’t know how to do that” he shook his head. “I don’t know how to enjoy…” he started but ended up freezing.

“Sex?” I asked.

“Yes” he said quietly.

I took a deep breath to gather my racing thoughts.

“Have I…crossed your boundaries?” I asked.

“No! No, you have been incredible. I just… hells …I don’t know how else to be with someone. No matter how much I’d like to. Everything feels different with you, but I still sometimes feel…like I shouldn’t do it” he said.

I nodded.

“Then you don’t do it” I smiled slightly.

He shook his head.

“I can’t ask you to be with me if I can’t-” he started.

“You don’t need to” I smiled and closed my eyes.

I concentrated as best as I could to use my tadpole. I had been learning to control it in my own tent trying not to accidentally connect with anyone after I saw and felt Gale read a book about different ways to pleasure a woman. That was enough for me.

After a moment I felt our mind connect. I tried to signal him my heartbeat, the way he made my breath hitch and the way I felt for him.

I don’t need sex to feel about you this way. I don’t need you to push your limits for me. I care for you right now, and that won’t change.

I opened my eyes to see him stare at me.

“You would give up on sex for me?” he whispered.

I nodded smiling.

“Thank you” he said.

I kissed him.

We looked at each other and he chuckled.

“Honestly, I have no idea what we are doing. But this…this is nice” he smiled.

We had finally made our way to Rivington after a few long days of walking. Gale went and booked us some rooms from an inn, this time he got me and Astarion a separate room. I sat down on the bed and looked at Astarion, who was repairing some of our clothes that had ripped during fights.

“Astarion…” I smiled and got closer.

He didn’t look at me, but I could see his lips curled up a bit. It made my heart flutter like a tiny bird.

“Do you want to have a walk with me?” I kissed his cheek.

He hummed in approval but was still concentrating on sewing.

I kissed his cheek again.

Nothing

I kissed his ear.

“You are distracting me, darling” he muttered but I could see he was glad I did.

I rolled my eyes.

“Let’s go, before it’s late” I giggled and got off the bed, but Astarion grabbed me from behind and tossed me playfully on the bed.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he smirked and kissed me.

I closed my eyes and felt the heat in between my legs start to grow.

“On a walk…” I muttered softly against his lips.

He nipped my lip.

“Oh really?” he raised a brow and looked at me.

I shook my head and pulled him closer. I kissed him slowly and deep.

Astarion answered the kisses with hunger and I could feel my heart pounding harder.

I started to take off his shirt but then he froze.

He looked at me and pulled away.

“I…I am sorry” he shook his head and turned away.

“No, gods , I am sorry” I shook my head, guilt flooding me.

He didn’t answer.

“I am so sorry, I got carried away” I shook my head more.

“No, I wanted this to work…I wanted to enjoy it…I just…” he stared at the wall.

“Can I…can I hug you?” I asked quietly.

After a beat he nodded.

I slowly moved closer and wrapped my arms around him pressing my head against his back.

“I know you wanted it. But you need time to heal” I said quietly.

“You should go and see if Halsin or Gale wants to be with you, I don’t know if I can ever ‘heal’ from this” he said.

I kissed his back softly.

“I want you. And even if you never want to sleep with me again, I will still want you” I smiled and softly caressed his shoulders.

He didn’t answer.

“I mean it. I…I think I love you” I said quietly, just above a whisper.

I could feel his muscles tense for a beat.

For a moment, he was silent, and I feared I’d said too much.

“You don’t need to say it” I whispered my voice barely audible.

Then, slowly, he took my hand and kissed it.

“Are you still up for a walk?” he asked.

I smiled and nodded.

“Yes”.

We had been walking for half an hour, the evening slowly darkening around us. 

“Shall we grab a beer?” I suggested with a smile.

Astarion chuckled.

“Darling, are you asking me on a date?” he raised a brow, amused.

I giggled.

“Isn’t this one already?” I asked.

Then I saw a sign in front of us.

“Fraygo’s Flophouse? Let’s check it out!” I took Astarion’s hand and pulled him inside.

The place was almost empty, just a few people standing in the corner of the room.

“Oh well, another bar then” I giggled and was about to pull Astarion outside before he stopped me.

“ Wait ” he ordered. 

I looked at him and followed his eyes to see a man and a woman talking.

“We should go. I don’t want to face the master if we’re late for his Black Mass” the woman said with a worried look on her face.

“Soon sister. I only need one more mark” the man said.

“We have enough for the master, no more are needed” she pleaded.

I looked at Astarion who was seemingly getting angry.

“It’s not for the master, it’s for me. I’ve spent one hundred years eating rats and dogs, but soon I’ll be able to feast!” the man closed his eyes. “I want someone there, ready for me. And once the Mass is done and our lord grants us our freedom, I want to celebrate by drinking the dry”.

Before I could do anything, Astarion marched next to the two.

“Caazador promised you your freedom? And you believed him?” he raised his brow. “You were never burdened with intelligence, Petras, but your loads seems especially light these days” he frowned.

The woman looked at her shocked.

“Astarion?! It…cannot be” the woman said. 

“That's no way to welcome back a bother, Dal. Didn’t you miss me?” he said snarky.

That woman is…Astarion’s sister?

“Why would you come back? You got out, you were free?” the woman asked.

I looked at Astarion.

“Isn’t that obvious, sister? He want to ascend with the rest of us. He heard about the ritual and the power our master will grant us, so he came back with his tail between his legs, hoping all would be forgiven” the man shook his head.

And this man is Astarion’s brother?

Astarion sighed.

“You were always an idiot, Petras” he said before grabbing the man by his neck.

The woman screamed in horror as Astarion placed Petras next to the window that was casting sunlight inside. 

In a matter of seconds his skin started to turn into ashes.

“Where is he hiding?” Astarion growled.

The man only groaned in pain.

“TELL ME” Astarion screamed.

I looked at him in shock.

“BROTHER! PLEASE!” the woman pleaded with tears in her eyes.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Astarion, stop!” I said and looked at him.

He frowned.

“Fine” he said and threw Petras across the room. “You own your life to my friend” he growled at him.

His siblings looked at him in fear.

“Now tell me what I need to know” Astarion said.