#guilt

[haleyincarnate]

i am both the land mine and the one who steps on it i am the one who grieves the loss and carries the guilt

Brianna Pastor, Good Grief

[ky-landfill]

[bamsara]

Not sure if I'm reading too hard into to things, but I'm wondering if there's an intentional change in the way Dream Lamb behaves with Narinder in his dreams? Like in the beginning Dream Lamb used to flirt with and mock Narinder for his feelings for Lambert back when he was still in denial. But now as we're progressing in the story and Narinder is slowly accepting that he has these feelings, Dream Lamb is instead reminding Narinder of all the bad things he did to Lmabert, while intentional or not. Basically trying to convince Narinder that even though he has these feelings, Lambert will never reciprocate them.

death cat begins to experience remorse

[grungekitty-77]

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

In Darkness and in Solitude

[mxfistofele]

Frank Bidart, “The War of Vaslav Nijinsky” | Nicola Samori, Ebbro | The Mountain Goats, “Prowl Great Cain” | Mary Oliver, Upstream | Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

[thatsbelievable]

[liakunemui]

“ Your friends are wrong about you. The person they love isn't you at all. ”

speedpaint!

[pinkjeepwhitemonster]

i wish i could tell everyone how bad im struggling 

[chibird]

Little dino says no needless guilt! We should be allowed to live our lives without feeling guilty about everything!

Chibird store | Positive pin club | Webtoon  

[gloomyanon]

Hmmm

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Gentle reminder that you don't have to reply to people immediately. You can take your time, especially if you feel overwhelmed by them, their message or anything else going on in your life. You can tell them something like "I'm sorry I need to stay alone at this moment, I will answer you as soon as I feel better mentally". You don't have to answer them immediately so to not upset them: what about you being upset and maybe even frustrated? What if this feeling made you answer the them rudely or harshly, to lash out on them even if it's not what you wanted to? And it all would make it worse on you and make you feel guilty? You can avoid all this by simply talking about your needs openly. Take time for yourself, it's okay. Everyone goes through bad stuff, everyone takes time off from it all. You can do that too. Be nice with you.

[safe-haven-safe-place]

[viridian-pickle]

Musée d'Orsay - PARIS

[whatareyoureallyafraidof]

[guiltyidealist]

"I'm sorry I vented and took up your time with my bullshit" ❌

feeds abandonment fears, implies having needs and being helped with them are wrong, makes it all about you

"Thank you for being patient with me through that, I appreciate that you took the time" ✅

shows your gratitude, affirms your affinity, no "using up" anybody's effort, makes it about you both as equals

"I'm sorry I dumped without checking consent first. I need to act respectfully and ask for your permission before I vent" ✅

"I'm sorry I said x, that was inappropriate of me to put on you" ✅

"Was it okay when I said x the way I did?" ✅

"Would you like to place a boundary around that?" ✅

"What could I do/say instead that's healthier for us both?" ✅

correct an actual wrong, seize due accountability, consider their rights as much as yours, make amends, work to correct missteps going forward