#over apologizing

[guiltyidealist]

"I'm sorry I vented and took up your time with my bullshit" ❌

feeds abandonment fears, implies having needs and being helped with them are wrong, makes it all about you

"Thank you for being patient with me through that, I appreciate that you took the time" ✅

shows your gratitude, affirms your affinity, no "using up" anybody's effort, makes it about you both as equals

"I'm sorry I dumped without checking consent first. I need to act respectfully and ask for your permission before I vent" ✅

"I'm sorry I said x, that was inappropriate of me to put on you" ✅

"Was it okay when I said x the way I did?" ✅

"Would you like to place a boundary around that?" ✅

"What could I do/say instead that's healthier for us both?" ✅

correct an actual wrong, seize due accountability, consider their rights as much as yours, make amends, work to correct missteps going forward

[girl-that-writes]

"I'm sorry, I have a question"

"Sorry to disturb you but can you explain this to me"

"I'm sorry but that's my seat"

You apologise for just existing because you think you don't deserve to.

What is so bad that you think you've done which countless people before you have not already?

You've made mistakes in the past but at some point it's time to let it all go.

We are humans, making mistakes, learning from them and trying to rectify them is our whole deal.

Then why do you do this to yourself?

[whumperofworlds]

What about Whumpees who are over apologizers?

They apologize whenever they feel they did something wrong because of what they've gone through.

They bumped into a teammate? Sorry.

They feel they messed up a cooking recipe? Sorry.

They feel they fucked up the mission? Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sor--

BONUS: Caretaker comforts them, telling Whumpee that they don't have to apologize for everything.

[waitingforthesunrise]

Me: *apologizes too much* apologizes for apologizing* realizes* does it again*

[fallen-angel-with-broken-halo]

Mom, you said I never learned what you told me

But you're a liar, I can easily say what you taught me

You taught me to be quiet but also loud

Talk when I must, but silence when you're mad

Be assertive but never speak out of line

Otherwise, I'll face your punishment, one so divine

Divine? Apologies, I should probably explain

God is a narcissist who tells you to never complain

He'll tell you you'll burn in hell if you don't worship his name

It's funny, you're not religious yet you do just the same

You taught me I need to be better

But never how to get better

Though you'd probably say otherwise

I'm sorry, fuck, you hate when I apologize

You think when I do that I make myself a victim

I'm sorry, damn it, I'm sorry, I need to remain calm

No matter what I did, I was lacking or too much

I tried, I really tried, mom, begging for forgiveness in the church

You taught me to make friends but never the ones I want

Giving me ones on a silver platter, feeling like me choosing other ones was a taunt

You never appreciated me being the quiet kid

With a few friends that you never approved

But you did like my grades, I was so smart for my age

I know I'm now burnt out, but please forgive this disgrace

I'm aware you like to tell your friends about your daughter

What an ungrateful child she is, but at least she may become a great teacher or mother

Yeah, you never appreciated my dream career

Always saying I'll end up following in your footsteps, all my words falling on deaf ears

You taught me to hate myself

Even though you'd never admit it yourself

Mothers always hate their eldest daughters

And love their obedient sons who aren't just like mirrors, reminding them of their darkest hours

You told my psychologist I look up to you

That that's why I started to break myself so soon

But that's a lie, you should know by now

You made me in your image, though you're scared of that

I even have your hand-me-downs that make me feel like a child

Playing dressup and going outside to show off to the world your pride

You taught me to fear vulnerability

Though now you miss my naivety

You took off my door

You snatched away my phone

You made me take some pills

You threatened me with making some calls

You laughed when I cried

You yelled when I yelled

You weren't there when I smiled

I lost my trust yet I continue to overshare to anyone who would care

Because you were always in the other room, but you were never there

You made my cries feel like a disease

My anger a symptom that I should never release

My numbness a constant, though you didn't like that either

If I never acted like a victim then you were never the problem, so why bother?

You didn't want to be like your father

Congratulations, you still became your parents' daughter

With your fathers' anger but without the violence

And your mothers' neglect but without the whining

[usunezukoinezu]

''Realizing that I had just apologized to a chair suddenly made me feel enraged. I felt furious that something had happened to me to give me a Pavlovian “I’m sorry” response.

I had been pursuing family of origin exploration for quite some time, and the accumulated evidence quickly convinced me that my parents deeply imprinted me with a fawn response. I was brainwashed with a default program to ingratiatingly apologize when anything in the natural order of things changed around me.''

-Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

[adastraetretro]

"I-" [Person A] starts to say.

[Person B] quickly cuts [Person A] off. "I swear, if you say 'I'm sorry' one more time I will leave you on the side of this highway."

[sockpluto]

ah yes, my two favorite hobbies

overthinking

and also

oversharing

[quoththeowl31]

I think the worst part of the Over-Apologizing habit is that you know it's a bad habit, you know people are annoyed by it, and you know it makes your apologies less effective yet once it's pointed out, you say sorry again, feeding into that cycle of over-apologizing...Hi, I do that a lot...I'm trying but it's hard to break...

[newhologram]

💙To over-apologizers💙

This is especially common in neurodivergent people and abuse survivors. Once I realized I was apologizing for existing, for being myself, it made it a lot easier to recognize and challenge.

[discocandles]

Hey, if I said "i forgive you" in respinse to that thing you just said sorry about, would it maje sense? Do not apolofize for something that isn't a sin, as it doen't need to be forgiven. Let your apologies have impact ratjer than a word to filll an uncomfy situation.

[lyrae-art]

stylin’

[twt post]

[machinerot]

[st-hedge]

I hand in my cv to paint the backgrounds for the 2d Zelda movie

[wren-phoenix]

One thing I think a lot of people don't realize is how much profusely appologizing can actually make a situation a lot worse.

A lot of times when someone is rude or slights another person and they are called out on it, their instinct is to apologize a lot to cover their bases. But the issue with this is that it comes off as insincere and dwells on the issue at hand even further which can make the victim feel even worse than if you hadnt said anything at all. This also has an amplified negative affect if you are apologizing for misgendering someone where a quick sorry and a correction are the best way to go.

[egophiliac]

I've had a beast of a cold for the last few days, but I wanted to get this out before the new year! while I've sort of made my peace with my first take on Lilia's UM poster, I really wanted to do a version with the new context that chapter 6 gave us. because. c'mon.

(don't worry, Lilia can carry ALL HIS KIDS AT ONCE)