#i always automatically go with them being childhood friends because it’s an important part of their dynamic I really enjoy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

miss-hyoko · 1 year

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Privileged One

Character(s): Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Idia, and Malleus

Summary: What if you were his childhood friend?

Tag(s) and warning(s): GN!Reader, fluff, platonic but can be read as romantic, reader is NOT Yuu, a bit depressing for the character's part (not too serious)

Note: I initially plan to make you two a normal pair of childhood friends, but my stupid brain is acting up midway and makes it seems like he has a one-sided crush on you. I still hope you enjoy, though (⁠っ⁠.⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)⁠っ

1. Riddle Rosehearts

Most of the Heartslabyul students are jealous of you. You are the only person who can (accidentally) break the rules of the Queen of Hearts and then get away with only a light scolding from the Housewarden.

There had once been a student who dared to say that Riddle played favorites on you, but then the red tyrant got angry and they ended up getting collared for a whole week. The punishment actually could have lasted much longer, but you who heard the news took pity on the student and asked Riddle to release him. That student is now a living example of what can happen to people who dare to comment on how Riddle treats you. Now, almost everyone knows how important you are to Riddle.

Every time you come to visit Heartslabyul, the students there will automatically lead you to Riddle without paying attention to your reason for visiting. You find it a little amusing, the way their faces light up whenever they see you before trying to get you to Riddle as quickly as possible, it's as if they have found a savior who can save them from a calamity called Riddle Rosehearts. You can't blame them, they became like that after noticing that every time Riddle's with you, he will be a bit lenient in giving punishment to the rulebreaker because his attention is too preoccupied on you.

When an Unbirthday Party was being held, you would definitely be invited and there's a special seat that has been arranged just for you, which is right beside Riddle's own seat. There's an unwritten rule that says the first slice of cake belongs to the Housewarden. But, since the cake belonged to Riddle now and that rule wasn't exactly written down on paper, then there's no harm in letting you have the first bite, right? In his defense, Riddle claimed that he didn't break the unwritten rule. The first slice of cake was indeed his, he just let you have the first bite.

If you have trouble understanding a certain subject, fret not because you have Riddle to tutor you. Once school was over, you two would have a study session in Riddle's room. Accompanied by tea and Trey's handmade cakes, Riddle will teach you with the patience he has never shown to anyone but you. Every time you answer correctly a question he gives, Riddle will give you a spoonful of Strawberry Pie from his plate. And if you answered wrong, Riddle will explain it again from the beginning until you fully understand it. This pattern will continue to repeat until finally all the questions are answered or the strawberry pie on his plate runs out.

Amidst his busy life as Heartslabyul's Housewarden, Riddle would always try to spend more time with you. Like; accompanying you to walk to school, talking briefly with you when you two pass each other in the hallway, having lunch together in the cafeteria, and when school is over, he'll wait for you so both of you can go back together to Heartslabyul and have a private tea party.

Whenever he's feeling stressed and exhausted, somehow you always show up at the right time and give him the comfort he's looking for. The two of you would spend time together in his room, with Riddle resting his head on your thighs while your fingers trace the soft strands of his hair. Accompanied by your gentle hum, Riddle then decided to rest for a bit together with his childhood friend before continuing his work later.

2. Leona Kingscholar

Rather than calling yourself Leona's childhood friend, you actually feel more like his personal assistant, considering how much work you have been doing for that lazy lion.

Together with Ruggie, you two were entrusted by the teachers to bring Leona back to class every time he skips class. But knowing Ruggie, he will surely let you handle it all while he himself returns to class to study (he would rather not waste his school fees, okay?). Left all alone, now start your journey, trying to find Leona. You already know where Leona is, but first you need to go to the cafeteria to buy some meat which you plan to use as an 'offering' so (hopefully) he will go back to class with you.

Every time you pick Leona up from his napping place, usually there will be two possible endings. The first one was that he will accept your 'offerings' and go back to class with you, although begrudgingly and full of complaints all the way to the class, then continue his nap in class, which makes you heave a long, weary sigh. While the other one is, he pulls you to accompany him to take a nap together, where you will be his pillow and also his partner in crime considering now you also skip the class together with him.

Even though he never shows it, Leona secretly loves watching you bustle around doing things for him. From cleaning his room, cooking for him, doing his laundry, and other menial work. Ruggie would do all that work for his money, meanwhile, you do all of that out of concern for your lazy childhood friend. It makes Leona feel as if you put him in as your priority that's more important than anything else, it makes Leona feel smug.

Every beastman in school knows better than to pick a fight with you. Never mind fighting, they shouldn't even talk rudely to you. If they dared to do so, then they should be prepared to face Leona's wrath. In Leona's mind, you who are his childhood friend are a part of him. Offending you means offending Leona as well, and Leona won't take it well.

But no matter how your patient is, sometimes you can also get annoyed with Leona's endless laziness. So, you will wake the lion up from his sleep and tell him to do his own business himself. And since it's Leona, of course he refuses and will try to go back to sleep, but you're not going to let him have that peaceful sleep until he finished all his works. The two of you then will start squabbling about it for a bit while the other Savanaclaw students will stare at you in amazement, for you're the only daring one to scold their lazy of a Housewarden. If it were anyone else, their Housewarden would probably kick that person away the moment they disturbed his sleep.

In your eyes, Leona is no different from an overgrown cat. Whenever Leona's mood gets worse, he will look for you and take you to his room to accompany him to sleep. You didn't try to cheer him up, you knew all Leona needed now was just your company, so you started telling him about your daily life and other interesting things you encountered today. And whether you realize it or not, Leona never sleeps even though his eyes are closed. He listens to all your stories in silence without missing a word. For him, your voice is far more effective in calming his nerve than sleeping.

3. Azul Ashengrotto

In the Mostro Lounge, there is one special table that no one is allowed to sit on, no matter how much they are willing to pay for it. If someone tries to occupy it by force, then they would come face to face with one of the Leech brothers and be banned from entering Mostro Lounge again. That table was specially prepared by Azul just for you, his most beloved childhood friend. Every time you visit Mostro Lounge, Azul will drop anything he's currently doing just to greet you personally and help you order your favorite menu.

Contrary to what people think, Azul doesn't give you free food just because you're his childhood friend. You still have to pay for your meal, but Azul doesn't mind giving you a little discount. And when I say he gives you a little discount, it means he will give you several discount coupons that you can stack with other discount coupons with a maximum of 100%. But in exchange for the coupon he gave you, you have to keep this nice thing a secret from the other customers. Because truth to be told, Mostro Lounge doesn't accept stacking discounts, but since you're his childhood friend, Azul doesn't mind making a little exception for you.

At school, you were always seen together with the three infamous Octavinalle's students or at least one of them, mainly Azul. Because of that, there are rumors going around saying that you are also involved in some kind of shady business alongside the three. You aren't concerned with the rumours, but Azul does. He would send the twins to find the person who spread the rumor and teach them a lesson or two about how one should not just jump to conclusions without any real evidence. People can talk shit about him and he couldn't care less. But talk shit about you, and Azul will take it personally.

Every time Mostro Lounge wants to add a new menu, Azul will call you to be the taster. If he sees you enjoying the new menu, then that same night the menu will already be on the Mostro Lounge menu list.

Since you're Azul's childhood friend, it's not surprising that you're also good friends with the Leech brothers. Together with Jade and Floyd, you three have fun teasing Azul. But different from the Leech brothers, who will be given additional work if Azul manages to get angry, you will only end up with a long scolding from the businessman.

Even so, you still feel a little guilty for making Azul angry. You know Azul usually has a fair amount of patience, but if he gets angry, it means the jokes you three makes have gone a bit too far. Hence, you volunteered to help out at the Mostro Lounge. Azul is a little touched by your sentiments. You have always been very caring and concerned with his feelings, ever since childhood. Well, that side of you is the main reason why you're Azul's favorite person.

But as a businessman, who is Azul to turn down the chance you're giving him? Since you asked for it yourself, then he won't be lenient in giving you orders. This resulted in you ending up in the VIP room, sitting on one of the soft sofas, cookies and tea served on the table in front of you, while Azul sits at his desk and goes through his documents. Azul has indeed given you one task, which is to sit quietly and accompany him to work until the closing time.

Azul is the type of person who is full of preparation and planning. It made him feel secure, knowing that he was ready to take on anything. But if something goes wrong and out of his expectations, Azul will become very frustrated and all he wants is nothing but to crawl back into his octopus pot. It was times like these that the twins would turn Azul over to you. Their childhood experiences have taught them that once Azul entered his octopus pot, only you can persuade him to come out. You won't blatantly coax Azul out because the first time you do it, Azul actually hides deeper into his octopus pot. So to solve this problem, you're going to sit outside his octopus pot for a few moments without speaking a word, giving him alone time while still reminding Azul that you're there for him. After a long enough silence, you will start talking about random things to completely turn his attention to you and forget his frustration. For a while, you will continue to talk alone, but you keep telling stories until finally, Azul starts responding to your words one by one. Azul realizes that all the topics you choose to talk about are completely useless, but oddly enough, he doesn't mind hearing all your ramblings at all. When he is finally back to normal, he will pop himself out of his octopus pot and act as if nothing happened. But the next time you visit the Mostro Lounge, Azul will treat you to a free meal as his token of gratitude.

4. Kalim Al-Asim

Even though you are not a servant of the Asim family like Jamil, but you still insist on taking care of Kalim because he is a sunshine boy who must be protected at all cost.

Usually, people will see you hanging out together with Kalim, with or without Jamil. You are the only person Jamil trusts to look after Kalim when he is too busy doing other things.

Kalim loves to tell you numerous things, from the big news he heard from Cater in club-meeting to the little things like how sleepy he was during Professor Trein's class. You always listen attentively to him, while occasionally giving a response as a sign that you pay attention to his story.

Kalim also likes to gift you random objects he found at shop. He said they reminded him of you, so he reflexively bought them and wanted to give them to you. Because of his habit, Jamil often scolds him and constantly tries to remind him not to buy things spontaneously. But did Kalim stop? No.

Everyone knows Kalim likes to throw parties, but when it comes to you, Kalim hopes to always throw a party for you if Jamil doesn't forbid it. Did you get a good grade on Professor Crewel's pop quiz? It's time to party! Did you get coach Vargas' praise for doing a zigzag flight? It's party time! Are you sad because your favorite novel character died? A party will make you feel better!

Look, Jamil is grateful that you often accompany Kalim so that he can focus more with another work, but can you stop agreeing to all of Kalim's requests?! What do you mean you can't say no to him?! What do you mean his twinkling eyes look so mesmerizing that you forgot to say no?! Great Sevens, please give Jamil's more patience to face your and Kalim's stupidity.

Kalim is the epitome of the sun itself, he is always optimistic and cheerful. But that doesn't mean his life is always smooth, sometimes Kalim can also feel down. If that's the case, Kalim will usually sneak out of the dorm using his magic carpet and then go to your place to invite you to join him. Flying his magic carpet and spending time with you is Kalim's best way to relieve stress.

5. Vil Schoenheit

Initially, little Vil didn't want to be your friend because he thought you were ugly (you're not, it's just Vil's standards that's too high). But the little you have been fascinated by his ethereal beauty, so you constantly try to pester him. Being a child, you can only praise Vil's beauty with a limited vocabulary. Like how clear his eyes are, how pink his lips are, how beautiful his hairstyle is, how melodious his voice is, and other little things you like about Vil. No one has ever praised him like that, so little Vil accepted you as his friend on the condition that you have to constantly compliment him, honestly and sincerely.

And that's what you've been doing until now. But even as a grown up, you still prefer to compliment Vil's beauty with straightforward words because you think it sounds more sincere than long poetic words. Vil says it's a stupid thought, but deep down he'd rather you keep praising him like that because your simple compliments are always better to hear than empty flattery people give to him to curry his favor.

As a result of having Vil as your childhood friend, your beauty standards have been greatly affected. When other people compliment someone as handsome/pretty, you can only awkwardly nod your head, even though in your heart you are trying to find which part of that person is handsome/beautiful. They didn't even have a thousandth of the charisma that Vil had! How can people call him handsome/beautiful? Do they have a problem with their eyes? (No, it's just your standards that's been raised very high by Vil).

Every time Vil becomes a model for a brand, usually he will share the products he got with you. And if the film he's starring in is coming out soon, he will invite you to attend the film premiere together.

You are Vil's first and number one fan, while Vil is your personal stylist and makeup artist. Every outfit and makeup that you will wear must pass through Vil's strict selection. He won't force you to look perfect like him, but he will make sure you look outstanding in any style of fashion that you choose.

With other people, Vil has this Untouchable Queen aura who is difficult to approach. But with you, he's just Vil, an ordinary young man with extraordinary ambitions. When both of your schedules are free, you and Vil will meet in his room to do beauty treatments together while exchanging stories. Vil tells you about what's going on in the entertainment world, while you tell him about the stupidity that some NRC students did when Vil was away.

Vil has one big secret that he doesn't even tell you. And that secret is the fact that you are his emotional support that always cheers him up whenever he feels down. When he gets frustrated every time he gets a villain role, you always stand for the character he plays instead of the main character. When people started to leave him for Neige, you still chose him. When you have seen all the bad sides that he has always buried, you remain by his side. For Vil, you are the most beautiful thing the world has ever given him.

6. Idia Shroud

Apart from Ortho, you are the only person who can freely enter Idia's room as you please. But before entering, please don't forget to knock on his door in the rhythmical order that you two have agreed beforehand, so he knows that it's you outside and not the normies that he constantly tries to avoid.

Just like Leona's childhood friend, you're also entrusted by the teachers to bring him to class. Together with Ortho, the two of you will spend nearly half an hour persuading Idia to attend the class. Faced with your and Ortho's pitiful faces, what else can Idia do but to man up and do the shit? At least, that's what he said to himself. When he just come out of his room, his anxiety gets the better of him and he will immediately scurried back to his room. In the end, you managed to bring Idia to class, but it's not the person himself and rather his floating tablet.

It is common knowledge among students that Ignihyde has a private Wi-Fi network with excellent signal. So, whenever you have homework to do, or you simply want to play online games, you will come to Idia's room and borrow their dorm's Wi-Fi. In exchange for giving you Wi-Fi, Idia will 'borrow' your hand to do his game's gacha. Apparently, you have this 'golden hand' that every gamer would kill for. The card with the highest rarity will come home in just one pull or the first ten pulls every time you gacha.

The limited time event just started a few minutes ago, but thanks to your 'golden hand', you immediately get the SSR event character, whose spawn rate is less than 1%, in just one pull. He will immediately jump around while squealing like a child, and then subconsciously hug you while thanking you many times. After that, he immediately posted the gacha's result online and starts being salty to other players who have to hit the pity system just to get it.

You spend more time in Idia's room than your own. His room just has everything, okay? Cool air conditioning, smooth internet network, comfortable bed, and various kinds of snacks. Every time you visit Idia's room, you will usually fall asleep in his bed listening to the sound of keyboard typing that's created when he plays his games or programming stuff that you can't really understand. Of course, Idia initially is a bit unhappy with that habit of yours since he only has one bed. But when he sees you sleeping so soundly in his bed, Idia can only sigh and decided to sleep somewhere else, maybe in his chair or just straight up lay himself on the floor. He'll be kind just for this time, the next time you fall sleep in his bed, Idia swears he will really kick you out of the bed (he lied, he still lets you hog his bed while he himself sleeps on the floor).

You may not know, but Idia is the envy of every gamer in his online circles. He often shows off Ortho and you to other gamers, saying how lucky he was to have a younger brother who is very considerate and also a childhood friend who has a 'golden hand'. How many introverts can have the same thing as he does? ALMOST NO ONE, SUCKERS!

When Idia's anxiety becomes worse and he starts being pessimistic about all aspects of life, Ortho will immediately go to you and take you to his brother. You both will find him huddled under the blanket on his bed. He asked you and Ortho to just go and leave him alone. But you two know better than to leave. So, you and Ortho will sit on the edge of his bed and start trying to coax him out, telling him about all the good things this world has. It would take a while for him to calm down, but that was better than letting him sink deeper into dejection.

7. Malleus Draconia

Becoming a childhood friend of Malleus means accepting Lilia as your father figure. And accepting Lilia as your father figure means being prepared to be chased down by Lilia who wants to hear you call him father.

You are the first friend Malleus has ever had, so he tries very hard to maintain your friendship. Something caught your interest? Next time you meet Malleus, he'll give it to you as a present. Are you having trouble learning magic? Worry not, Malleus will help you master your magic. Are you amazed by his status as a prince? Hmm, maybe Malleus could ask his grandmother to adopt you? (His grandmother also likes you, but she can't adopt her potential grandchild-in-law just anyone)

You've once tried to stay away from him because some people say you don't deserve to be a friend of Malleus, the crown prince of the Briar Valley. As a result, Malleus's mood became so bad that it threw the palace into a turmoil. His mood finally returned to normal when the two of you were reunited again. After that incident, Malleus became quite protective of you. Someone spoke badly of you? Malleus will meet him personally to have a 'friendly' discussion. Someone wants to pick a fight with you? The next second, they all suddenly fell to the ground for no apparent reason.

You and Malleus are basically one package deal. NRC students will often see the two of you walking around the school hand in hand like two little children, you talk to him and he listens to you. Those who saw that sight dared to swear by the name of the Great Sevens, Malleus had this very rare gentle smile graced his handsome face when he's looking at you.

Malleus loves spending time with you, even if all you both do is just sit quietly under a tree listening to the sound of birds singing in the distance. When the soft breeze starts to blow, you start to get sleepy and unknowingly end up falling asleep leaning on Malleus. Seeing your peaceful sleep expression, Malleus couldn't help but gently trace your face using his finger. He just wanted to make sure that all of this was real and you're not an illusion his mind created.

Having a Malleus as your childhood friend makes you get free bodyguards. For the starters, Malleus himself is quite protective of you because of what happened in the early days of your friendship. And because Malleus is practically glued to you, his two retainers, Sebek and Silver, will also stick to you for the sake of guarding Malleus. Then, there's Lilia, who doesn't want to miss the fun, so he will always appear suddenly and join your group of four. It's kind of complicated, but at least now you have four free strong bodyguards.

Even though he looks young, Malleus has actually lived quite long. Therefore, he's quite mature despite having a seemingly teenager's body. There are only two things that can affect his mature mind, namely anything related to you and not being invited to an event, usually it's the letter one because he always makes sure nothing bad happens to you. When he starts to sulk because he wasn't invited to an event, Lilia will call you to cheer Malleus up. As soon as he saw you, Malleus was practically beaming with excitement. You don't need to bother coaxing him, just doing any activities together with him like walking in the park, eating ice cream, taking care of Roaring Drago, or trying new things is enough to make Malleus entirely forget his sadness from earlier.

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tianasoasis · 3 months

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it's not about trying to ignore the 3d

once you truly understand how the law of assumption works, you won't feel like ignoring the 3d is a chore or something you have to force yourself to do. it will come naturally.

when you understand that the 3d is literally nothing but a mirror, you will automatically take the importance off it. once you have it in your imagination, you will feel truly fulfilled. and if you genuinely just accept that the 3d is not what makes you feel anything, but it's your reaction to it, you will not need to put in any effort to ignore it.

think about it like this: if you are watching a video of you with childhood friends, you don't have to FORCE yourself to ignore it and actively try and prove to yourself that they are no longer your friends. you just KNOW. it's the same in the law of assumption!

the 3d is the video, and the you watching it is your inner man. this inner man already knows that you are no longer friends with them. you don't need to force yourself to be like "oh, just don't think about it. just ignore the video.". you just know that they aren't your friends anymore.

loa is truly so much simpler than people make it out to be. that's why i truly will always preach making sure you understand the fundamentals of the law before applying.

when you apply without knowing and accepting things like the 4d creates the 3d, or that your true self is the inner man, you will keep failing and looking to the 3d for validation.

and look, no one can make you believe that imagination is the one true reality. it's about whether you genuinely believe it or not. but once you believe it, you strip the 3d of its importance and become truly indifferent to what's going on in the 3d.

becoming indifferent to the 3d also includes becoming indifferent to thoughts. being indifferent to thoughts is sooooo important I can't even stress it enough. thoughts DO NOT create. they don't. even dominant thoughts don't create. this is because thoughts are a thing of the ego (including the physical body). think about it... thoughts come from our brain, which is a physical part of our body.

but there is one part of our being that is not physical. and that is our consciousness. the very essence of our awareness. the things we attach to this awareness are what become our reality, but more on that in a later post!

#god #law of assumption #law of attraction #manifest #manifestation #manifesting #neville goddard #spirituality #bible #jesus #loa blog #loass blog #loass

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stevesworld96 · 9 months

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look at me now (part one)

--- steve harrington x fem!reader

childhood friends to strangers to lovers. this is a more realistic look at developing a relationship with steve, set in canon while you know nothing about the monsters, or the nightmares, or all of his scars.

a fic about knowing steve before, during, and after the events of the upside down. including all the ways your friendship with him grows, wilts, then grows again - to blossom into something he probably doesn’t deserve.

tags: fem reader, no use of y/n, childhood friends, typical king steve meanness, yes there is an allusion to steve being icarus, kissing, fighting and making up, cliches, a lot of emotions, depression and suffering etc, reader has an aunt, mentions of death and injuries, codependent steve and robin, steve is so so so so so so so sad. hawkins doesn't get destroyed after the vecna fight - everything else follows canon

please read both parts, i worked so hard on this fic and i'm really proud of it :)

part two!!!

word count: 14878

You knew Steve Harrington better than you knew anybody. At least, you liked to think so.

You were five when you moved to Hawkins into the house right next door to Steve’s, and as things go when you’re a kid, that automatically made you best friends. At that age you didn’t have to try to be friends with somebody - as long as they lived nearby and had a bike, that sealed the deal.

He was only knee high to his mother, hiding behind her legs when she brought him over to introduce themselves. “We’re the Harrington's,” she said, then with a tight laugh, “minus one - my husband. This is our son. Steve - say hi, Stevie.”

He didn’t. Your mothers started a polite conversation and your eyes darted between the tall woman and her son. She was dressed like she had somewhere important to be, with red lipstick painted on her lips and pearls hung around her neck. She was pretty.

Her son didn’t stand with the same pride she had - he was peeking at you, tugging the hem of his mother’s dress and looking down at his feet. You could hardly get a good look at him, and he didn’t even wave back at you. His haircut was prim and proper; the button up shirt he wore was swallowing him.

They came inside for lemonade, and you led Steve into your living room, and by the end of the hour you had instantly become friends, bonding over your toy car collection that Steve loved.

You were kids - of course things were so easy.

To see him, all you had to do was walk over to his front door and knock, and you could spend as much time together as you wanted. Or just wait until his parents needed a babysitter - after they learned how much you and Steve loved spending time together, they started to drop him off at your house and you’d have sleepovers for days.

It was when Mr. Harrington had gotten a big promotion that they’d leave Steve with your family nearly once a week.

“I’m sorry, Stevie, I know me and Dad haven’t been home much lately. But next month isn’t as busy for us,” his mom would tell him.

“It’s okay, Mom,” he’d reply. “Don’t worry, I like staying here, so I’m alright.”

At your age you didn’t see the irony in a seven year old telling his mother that things were okay - shouldn’t it be the other way around? - but those apologies from his mother wouldn’t last very long. And the promises she always made were never kept. Soon enough, she stopped making them altogether.

Sometimes he’d just show up at your door, and your parents didn’t have to ask questions because they already knew more than you did, and you didn’t understand that he was more comfortable in your bedroom than in his own.

The routine of your friendship felt like the foundation of your life. Everything you did was with Steve by your side, like you were tied together with an invisible string that couldn’t be broken. Snacks after school were a must; movie nights every other weekend were your safe haven. The last day of school every year you camped out in his backyard under the stars and then woke up early for a big breakfast and a day spent at the arcade. Even as you got older, those things stayed the same.

You had busier schedules to work around in high school but you still made it work. After-school lunch turned into midnight snacks, and you moved from the arcade to the lake, but you were still intertwined with child-like joy and ease.

Steve’s other friends were another story. Tommy H was a thorn in your side that you couldn’t pick out, but Steve didn’t get why you hated him so much. At first, you didn’t get it either - you just did.

Until one day early in your junior year, Tommy H gave you a good enough reason for your disposition.

Like always, Steve was waiting for you outside of your last class of the day, and you were just about to turn the corner when you heard Tommy’s loud, boisterous, annoying voice.

“Steve, my boy, what’cha standing around here for?”

Steve laughed, even though Tommy had said nothing funny.

“Waiting on your favorite girl so I can get outta here - what’s up, dude?”

“Come on,” Tommy said, dragging the words out. “We got shit to do, ditch her and let’s get a roll on, if you catch my drift.”

You could see his stupid face in your head as he spoke - you just wanted him to go away so you could leave. But you’d wait there forever if it meant you didn’t have to have a conversation with him.

You were hardly paying any mind to their words.

“Can’t, dude, I’m her ride home. Tomorrow though, for sure.”

“She’s holding you back, man.”

But that caught your attention. They were both laughing even though, again, no one had said anything funny.

“Y’think so?”

“She even put out?”

Your eyes rolled so far back to your head they could’ve gotten stuck.

“It’s not like that with her.”

“Oh, that’s not what Kimmy thinks.”

“What? What do you mean - did she say something?”

You knew Kimmy to be the new flavor of the week, Steve’s new eye candy. It’d be someone new in a matter of days - and this was one brand new trait of his you were struggling to overlook.

“Just saying, most of the chicks think you’re taken by Miss Bitch -”

You call Tommy H a dickhead to his face one time and he gives you a nickname that sticks for three years.

“- and that’s why you’re not getting any action, dude. Gotta shake off the fleas, man.”

And then Steve laughed. Loud.

You weren’t sure what you were expecting him to do. You hoped he would defend you even a little bit, but he didn’t. He just laughed, and said, “I’ll think about it, man,” as if he was in on this joke, and then Tommy left.

And you didn’t know how you felt.

It’s not like Steve said it. But he had no problem listening to Tommy H talk about you that way. He thought it was funny.

Or, he was just saving face - did that make a difference?

You knew Tommy’s words were complete bullshit, and you didn’t care about him enough to let it affect you. Maybe Steve felt the same - maybe he just went along with it because it was easier.

You hoped so, because that’s what you chose to do. You brushed it off and walked out of the room and acted as if nothing happened.

“Hey - about time.”

You didn’t reply; he continued talking as you walked together.

“You hungry?”

“Thought you were coming over,” you said. “Told you I wanted to build a blanket fort. Remember?”

He huffed out a scoff, “A blanket fort? Are you six?” The glare you gave him made him reel his judgment back in. “Fine. Let’s go.”

…

As soon as basketball season was over and you had your weekends back to yourself, you were ready to get through your watch list of movies as quickly as possible. You’d never tell Steve that cheering for him at his games was your least favorite part of your friendship with him - you would always keep that selfishness to yourself.

And if you weren’t so wrapped up in your own mind, lost in planning your movie night, you may have been able to see your next conversation with Steve coming.

“There she is, been lookin’ all over for you.”

A heavy arm slung around your shoulders as you walked down the school hall. You didn’t have to question who it was.

“What do you want, Steve?”

“Just want to see my best friend in the whole world, is there something wrong with that?”

You rolled your eyes. Obviously he’s up to something.

“I’m going to choose to ignore you,” you said, shaking off his arm and stopping at your locker. His back fell into the metal next to you.

“What’s up?” he asked, and he was trying too hard to be inconspicuous, but you ignored it.

“Nothing. Oh, I think I finally have a cookie recipe we’ll like. Mrs. Jenkins gave it to me but she made me swear I wouldn’t share her secrets. Gonna pick up the stuff after school - have you picked your movie yet?”

Then his eyes widened, a bit too much to look genuine. “Oh, shit, is that tonight?”

“It’s Friday, isn’t it?”

“I completely forgot about that, shit. I made other plans without thinking.”

“Well, cancel them,” you said with a straight face.

“Well… what if you join in on my plans instead?”

You closed your locker and didn’t even consider entertaining Steve’s idea. “My mom’s already planning to make dinner for you. Are you ready to face her wrath?”

“Well - no,” he said. “It’s just - y’know, I was supposed to see Nancy tonight, and…”

“Oh, I get it, you wanna cancel so you can get laid. Is that it?”

“No, Christ - I’ll be there, alright? But next time, I’m getting my way.”

You laughed at him, and the bell rang and ended your conversation.

You didn’t think the night would go any differently than your normal hangouts. Maybe if you were expecting it, the disappointment wouldn’t have stung so bad.

He called you early.

“Hello?”

“Hey -”

“Hey, have you picked up the movies yet? I forgot to get popcorn, so…”

“No, I haven’t. Listen, um…” There was static on the line for a moment before he continued. “Sorry, but - can we - are you sure we can’t reschedule? Like, tomorrow night?”

You groaned, you were annoyed. But even when he argued with you, Steve never ditched your valued traditions - he may act bothered sometimes, but he would always come around. Even if he did gripe about it being childish the entire time.

That’s what you thought this would be.

“No, Steve, I have book club and tutoring and dinner with my aunt tomorrow. You know this.”

“Right. I guess I forgot about that. Okay, well…”

“...Well?”

Once again, he was quiet, and you weren’t sure if he was hesitating because he didn’t know what to say, or because he was nervous.

“Well - I think it’d be really fun if we hung out at my place tonight!”

“I guess I can bring all the ingredients for the cookies over. You do have a nicer oven…” you said.

“No, like, you can come over with everyone else I invited and we could -”

“I thought you canceled that?”

“I was going to, but… Tommy wouldn’t take no for an answer! And we already got the booze, and Nance finally said yes and - and I’d be really happy if you were here too!”

“...Okay.”

“Okay…?”

You thought for a moment, then decided to ask him the question you were asking yourself.

“Would you be happy if I was there, or would you be happy if I’m not mad at you for canceling?”

“Uh - either one.”

“Right.”

That answer was good enough for you, even though it wasn’t the one you wanted. You weren’t getting anything you wanted that night, and you weren’t going to fight for it with someone who already had their mind made up.

“Then have fun,” you said.

“Really? We can cancel?”

The excitement in his voice caused an angry laugh. “Yeah. Bye.” And you hung up.

And you made your cookies, and you watched the movies you already had on tape, and you didn’t miss the popcorn but you wished you had Steve’s lap to put your feet on - and it was fine.

You were sure he was having fun. And maybe he didn’t care at all about your canceled plans - because he was too busy with people who didn’t like you, doing something more exciting than what the two of you did as kids.

It was selfish to be angry. Maybe it was wrong. But you let it boil over anyway.

…

You didn’t talk to him for a week after that. Because you didn’t want to, and you wanted to teach him a lesson, and you hoped it would make him sorry.

Maybe you were being immature, but at this point, you were committed.

You were afraid that you were setting the wrong example - that, maybe, he thought you were angry about him making his own plans, when the problem was how he’d canceled yours so last minute. Or perhaps it was both. But now you had dragged it out too long and you were stuck giving Steve the cold shoulder until he finally caved in and apologized.

That’s all you wanted, really: an apology. And a bribe or two, just to get the most out of this argument. That’s how things usually went: you give him the silent treatment and he shows up at your door with your favorite snacks and a new book, and things would go back to normal.

But not this time.

You’d managed to bike to school without being caught by Steve all week, but you’d underestimated him waiting for you at the bike racks at the end of the day on Thursday.

He stood with his arms crossed and his brows drawn together. The moment you saw him you stopped in your tracks, like if you stayed still he wouldn’t see you, but his gaze was locked on. It didn’t look kind.

So you prepared yourself for this fight.

“What are you doing?” he asked, but his tone said something different - it said, I’m sick of your shit.

“What are you doing?”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, “Just wondering how long you’re going to keep dragging this out.”

You kept darting around his words and moved to get your bike as if he’d let you leave so easily. “I’m not dragging anything out. Don’t know what you mean.”

His arms flung out to his sides as his voice raised, “You’re acting like a fucking kid!”

And your volume matched his, “You hurt my feelings!”

“Well - grow up!”

The short silence that followed felt heavy, but he didn’t let it sit for long.

“I mean - come on - I ditch you one time and all of a sudden we’re not friends anymore? Really?”

“A sorry would be nice, Steve.”

“I’ve said sorry.” Both of you knew that he hadn’t, but it didn’t matter now. “But sorry isn’t enough, is it? You’re just mad that I have new friends. Because I don’t want to just - sit around and fucking - watch movies in your living room like we’re kids -”

“Like we’re kids,” you said, laughing. “Yeah - right, because that’s really what this is about, isn’t it, Steve?”

He looked confused, and you didn’t give him the chance to speak.

“Because I’m holding you back. Right? Tommy H said it so it must be true. I’m a bitch and I’m keeping you down and you need to shake me off if you ever want to get any action - that’s what it is. Just say it, Steve.”

“Where is this coming from?” He ran a hand through his hair and his voice sounded desperate, but you weren’t sure what for. Maybe to salvage the remnants of a wounded friendship, to turn this conversation around. But your anger wouldn’t let him.

“You know where it’s coming from. I heard it, Steve, and you - you agreed with him! I’m your best friend but you can’t even defend me to your shitty fucking friends - so just say it! You’re the one who doesn’t want me around -”

“That’s not what happened -”

You were so angry, and he was lying, and Steve never lied to you, and he’d filled you with so much venom that you couldn’t help spitting it out as you stepped closer to him. “It is. And you’re turning it on me when you’re the shitty friend. Stop lying to me and just say it.”

“Yeah, maybe that is what it is - and I was just too fucking stupid to see it before now. That you’re so fucking clingy I can’t even have one night with a girl without you getting jealous. He was right. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Yeah, it was,” and you pulled your bike free and your foot hit the kickstand so hard that it hurt, and you told yourself the pain was the reason tears were flooding your eyes.

“Maybe I’m better off without you - have you ever thought about that? Is that your fucking problem?”

“Whatever! I don’t care anymore! You never have to watch another fucking movie with me again, alright? We won’t go to the arcade or build stupid fucking blanket forts or any of the other childish shit you hate so much!”

“Good - fucking - good!”

“And I hope you have fun playing King, and I hope when all your friends turn on you and Nancy dumps your ass - because you’re an asshole - that I’m the last person you run to for help, and I hope your dad is real fucking proud of you, because you’re turning out to be just fucking like him.”

It all fell out like you were pushing rocks off of a cliff - fast and angry and hard. You knew what those words would do to him. You knew you were hurting his feelings more than he had ever hurt yours - that you were putting the knife in too deep to pull out. You knew and you said it anyway, because you were mad and he was being a dick and lashing out felt good. Especially when you could hop on your bike and ride away from him, fast enough to avoid watching the blood pooling at his feet.

The worst part is that you were being honest.

Steve stood there alone and didn’t even turn to watch you ride away. He felt like hitting something, or screaming until his lungs were empty and tired.

And he didn’t even have time for any of this. He was finally making decisions for himself, for once, and who were you to get mad at him for that? He was popular, he had a girlfriend who was actually into him, his parents had finally gotten off his back. Things were going fantastic for him and he wasn’t going to let you mess it up because you were… jealous, or selfish, or whatever it was - Steve didn’t care.

He wasn’t going to lose sleep over you refusing to grow up and give him space. He was on top of the world, and you were trying to tear him down.

He didn’t need you, anyway.

…

Months passed.

And, like you had put a hex on him, all of your words came true - and then some. It didn’t take very long for things to crumble around him, and Steve almost thought it was funny how quickly his wings had melted to send him hurling into the ground.

No matter how hard he tried patching the holes, everyone knows you can’t fly with wings made of wax.

The fall hurt. But it was what came after that brought the real pain - a stinging, striking ache that was impossible to ignore. It felt like he was the last person on earth and he deserved it; like he shouldn’t be allowed to be around other people because he was no good.

And every time he tried putting the pieces back together, things only got more broken - all starting at Jonathan Byers’ front door.

What could get worse than fighting a monster from an alternate dimension?

Or fucking things up with your girlfriend beyond repair?

Or fighting those monsters again?

He learned quickly to stop asking stupid questions like those.

And he learned that he couldn’t just close his eyes and wish it away. He couldn’t run when things got scary; he couldn’t lash out when someone was honest with him; he couldn’t sneak out of his window and into yours when the yelling got too loud. He was forced to face everything he ever hid from, cursed to have regrets and keep them.

At least he wasn’t completely alone - the company of nerdy kid genius Dustin Henderson brought most of these lessons on. And in a normal situation Steve wouldn’t recommend learning anything from a kid in junior high, but he was living anything but a normal life. He’d take friends wherever he could get them, especially during senior year.

Maybe he wanted to set a good example for the kids that suddenly came into his life. Maybe he wanted to prove to himself that he wasn’t his father - that he could do good things without getting something out of it. Or maybe, most likely, he just did it.

He wanted to feel like a superhero, wanted to look in the mirror and feel proud of what stared back at him. But he didn’t, because he wasn’t. He wasn’t brave or heroic or gallant - he was no Clark Kent. And everything he did was because he had to. Because who else would?

Sometimes he felt like only someone as careless as him would fight a man-eating creature with nothing but a baseball bat - because out of everyone he knew, he had the least to lose. Why bother making safe decisions when most days he didn’t even want to get out of bed? What was he risking when he’d already bet it all and lost?

And who would be proud of that?

But there were moments, in the time between the fall and the fight, that he could almost see it. Like a flicker of light passing by he’d see Max smiling at him, hear Dustin’s excited laughter, feel a heavy high five from Lucas and he’d think - oh. Right there, standing in front of him, were the people he had to lose. The ones he was trying to win for.

And then he’d lay in bed at night and get stuck in another sleepless round of self loathing; hatred fueled by every cruel word he’d spit and all the selfish acts he’d taken, and fuck, he was spinning and suffocating and screaming, and maybe he deserved this.

It didn’t matter that he knew how to swing a fucking bat good enough to win more time for the ones he loved, because he wouldn’t love them right, anyway. And he’d turned the best person he’d ever known into nothing more than a crumpled piece of paper on his floor - something to be tossed aside and forgotten. And even if he tried smoothing it out, those creases would always be there.

Sometimes he stared out his window and watched yours. Waited for your light to turn off so he could look away and stop wondering what you were doing and how your life was without him in it.

All he wanted was to see you again. He’d beg for that movie night he ditched on junior year. He wanted to grab you by your shoulders and show you that he’s better now, he’s changed, those last words you told him weren’t applicable anymore and everything can just go back to how it was.

But nothing was ever that easy, was it?

He was glad when graduation finally came around, until he was forced into a sailor’s uniform with an ice cream scoop on his belt like a gun in a holster.

It was one way to spend the summer. It got him out of the house he hated staying in, and put a little money in his pocket, so slinging ice cream at Scoop’s Ahoy was good enough for him.

It distracted him from the vague nightmares he kept having and the fact that he got into a total of zero universities, and the free ice cream counted as dinner on his bad days. And he was fine with his obnoxious co-worker and annoying customers.

He was just fine.

But it was Hawkins. Nothing could stay fine there - not after a little girl with super powers opened a portal to an alternate fucking dimension and turned the town into a magnet for every fucked up thing imaginable.

Steve thought it was over, and then Dustin had him and Robin translating the Russian words he heard over his radio, and they were all pulled back in.

He wasn’t expecting to fall into the Russian lair under Starcourt Mall, to trauma bond with Robin - of all people - or to get any closer to dying than he already had, but he stopped betting on his expectations a long time ago.

By the time he saw the night sky again, he couldn’t remember how many punches he’d been thrown.

His head throbbed to the beat of his heart. It felt like if he tapped his temple, his eye would pop right out. His work uniform was ruined, stained with blood and spit, but the smoke billowing from Starcourt ensured that he wouldn't be needing it anymore.

The events of the night felt like they were years away. All he remembered was running, screaming, crying; he remembered the fist coming toward his face but not the impact. He woke up to pain, and then it was gone - more running and bleeding and fighting and then, it was over.

Robin sat next to him, shivering, on the back of an ambulance. The lights from the siren were blinding, the noise around him was punching his ear drums.

“Are we alive?” Robin asked. Her voice was totally shot.

“Think so.”

“I want to lay down so bad.”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Do you have someone to call?”

She sighed deep. “Not really.” She let it be quiet for only a second, then said, “I don’t really want to go home. To be honest.”

“You wanna spend the night here?”

“If I don’t have to be alone, then, yeah.”

He sighed, too, then patted her knee.

He said, “I’ll call someone, alright?” and she nodded.

The payphone was a bit of a walk, and he had to wait behind two people in line, but it was enough time for him to muster up the courage to make the call. Even still, when he had the phone in his hand, all he could do was stare at it.

He was trying to remember the exact words you said to him the last time he spoke to you. Something like, “I hope I’m the last one you call,” he was sure. It was hard to remember your phrasing now, but the memory still stung all the same.

And he knows it’s not fair to call you, but he was going to anyway. Because in all honesty, you were the only option he had.

Any other time, he’d rely on Hopper for a ride. But Hopper wasn’t around anymore.

So he dialed your number and prayed you hadn’t changed it from the one he knew by heart.

Your hand darted out of your blanket to reach your bedside telephone. The ringing killed your half asleep ears, and you hardly knew what you were doing when you put the receiver to your ear.

“Hello?”

You could barely get the word out; your voice was thick with sleep that was slowly creeping over you.

“Hey. It’s Steve.”

With your heavy eyes shut, sleep was pulling you back in. Your whole body jumped a little bit when you attempted to stay awake.

“Steve?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry for waking you up, but -”

You didn’t know what was going on, and then you heard sirens on the phone. A jolt of anxiety seared through you at the sound. That’s what got you to wake up - then you realized who you were talking to.

“Steve?”

“...Yeah.”

“What - what’s wrong?”

Your heart was pounding out of your chest as you sat up in bed, holding yourself up with one shaky arm.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and you held your breath until he answered your question. “There was an, uh - accident at Starcourt, and - I don’t know who else to call. I’m sorry, I can’t drive right now and I don’t have anybody else.”

“Are you okay?”

“Barely.”

You didn’t give your answer a second thought. “I’ll be there in, like, five minutes, okay?”

You could hear his breath of relief over the phone. “Okay. Thank you.”

After stealing your mother’s car keys, you stuffed your bare feet into combat boots and ran to the car. Even though you still only had your learners permit, you absolutely floored it to the mall without a single thought in your mind. It was like you were on autopilot, simply doing what you were supposed to, because you were scared.

You saw plumes of smoke before Starcourt ever came into view, and you swallowed through your dry throat because you knew something bad happened.

You had to fight through crowds and cops before you were allowed to pass under the police tape to search for Steve, which wasn’t easy. Every face you saw wasn’t his and each second that passed dug a deeper pit in your stomach.

The second-to-last ambulance in the lineup is where you found him, sitting next to a girl whose head was on his shoulder.

And when you saw him… it wasn’t him. Your eyes glazed over him because he was hardly recognizable.

You’d seen him beat up before. He’s had his fair share of fights at school; you wiped blood off his face and helped him nurse black eyes. But it was never like this.

His left eye was swollen shut. Crimson stained from his eyebrow to his jawline. His skin was aggravated red, his clothes were blood rusted, his knuckles were ripped open.

And still, somehow, his hair looked perfectly done. That sight alone made you want to laugh and cry at the same time, because of course he managed to keep its style untouched. It was so Steve.

You ran to him; your legs carried you there on their own, shoelaces smacking against wet pavement. You weren’t thinking when you called out his name or when you flung your arms around his neck. You hugged him like it would heal him, like the scent of your perfume could cover the smoke he smelled of.

It’d been almost a year since you’d talked to him, and the jagged edges of your ended friendship still cut deep, but you didn’t care. Not when he looked the way he did; not when he was hugging you so tight; not when your tears were dripping onto his skin.

You pulled back and looked at him, and his wounds didn’t look any better up close.

“Oh my god, Steve, are you okay? What the hell happened?”

“I’m alright,” he said. He wouldn’t look at you, or couldn’t bring himself to. “I’m just glad you came. I’m sorry -”

“Don’t,” you said, and then you looked around at the scene. “Have the paramedics even seen you? Why are you just sitting here?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I - I’m fine. They said I’m fine. They’re all busy with others but - I’m fine, don’t worry.”

That’s when you noticed the girl next to him, who was looking at you like you were crazy, and you realized what you were potentially barging in on.

They sat close - too close to be friendly. They were basically cuddling when you first saw them. It was obvious what they were, so of course she was looking at you that way.

You didn’t mean to make her jealous, but a part of you didn’t care.

“Are both of you okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, answering for the two of them. The girl nodded. “This is Robin, by the way.”

You introduced yourself to her, trying to be cordial even though you were meeting in the worst of situations.

“You two can stay at my place tonight, if you want to,” you told them. Steve asked Robin if she was okay with that, and she said yes, and so you led them to your car.

You weren’t sure why you made the offer to Steve - you wanted him with you, sure. After seeing the condition he was in, you wouldn’t sleep unless you knew you were keeping him safe and sound in your own bedroom.

Old habits die hard.

But, all things considered, you should have just taken him to his own home, where he could be with Robin in peace. Without cut ties lingering in the air like flies.

You drove him home anyway.

Nobody spoke until you got to your bedroom.

“Do you need a shower?”

“Yeah,” Steve said. Robin nodded.

“Okay. Robin, you can take my bathroom. Steve can shower downstairs.”

You dug through bottom drawers to find clothes for each of them - you still had the ones Steve kept stored there, as embarrassing as it was, so it wasn’t a difficult task. And you’d let Robin choose from your pajama drawer.

And then you got back into bed, because you didn’t know what else to do for them.

Robin stood in the doorway of your bathroom, just staring into the room. When Steve opened your bedroom door, she snapped her head back to him.

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

She glanced over at you. You wanted to hide from the tension in the room.

“I - I don’t know how to use this faucet.”

He showed her how, and then made for the exit, but she called for him again.

“I was just thinking - you know - if we both shower at the same time, won’t the water pressure be super low? And what if the hot water runs out before I’m done, and -”

“I’ll be quick, Robs,” he said. “It’ll be fine.”

Steve took one step into the hallway before stopping. The darkness looked like it went on forever. He didn’t remember your house being so unlit, or having so many hiding places, and suddenly his legs were shaky.

“...You’re probably right, though. I’ll just wait out here until you’re done.”

“Yeah. And I’ll keep the door cracked open, for… all the steam.”

“That’s a good idea.”

And he sat on the floor right outside of the bathroom door. When Robin was finished, they swapped places. As if they couldn’t be apart for longer than twenty minutes.

You didn’t ask them any questions.

…

The two of them slept on a pallet of old blankets on your bedroom floor. Robin made Steve sleep closest to the door. He tried not to be upset about it.

And he didn’t think he’d be able to sleep, but it seemed to swallow him. He didn’t dream, or toss and turn, but he woke up unrested.

Everything still hurt just as bad as it did the night before. And Robin’s snoring was making his headache worse.

You were no longer in bed, so he decided to get up and find you.

He wasn’t sure what kind of interaction he’d be walking into when he found you in the kitchen, but he tried to keep his head high.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Hey.” You had a mug in your hand. “Your eye looks better.”

“It doesn’t feel any better,” he said, and he wanted to make a joke that it actually looks worse - because when he closes his right eye, everything’s blurry - but he held that one in. He wasn’t ready for a comedic coping mechanism quite yet.

You put Tylenol on the island that separated the two of you. “Take them. I don’t know if it’ll help much, but it can’t hurt.”

The bottle said to take two, so he took three. And then the awkward quiet started washing in.

Until, “I saw what happened on the news,” and Steve almost coughed up the water he was chugging.

“What are they saying?” he asked, because he didn’t know what story he was supposed to be playing along with.

“Just talking about the fire,” you said. Your voice sounded so dim, and Steve hated it. “It��s… crazy. Hopper… he…” You couldn’t say the word.

“I know,” Steve said.

“And thirty others.”

His throat felt dry. “Thirty?”

Truly, he didn’t know that many people hadn’t survived. And now, it all felt real. Really real.

“Yeah,” you replied. “I’m just glad - you were lucky to get out, Steve.”

You had no clue how lucky he’d really been. And hopefully you would never have to know.

“I know.”

You sat your mug down, brushed your hands on your chest like you were trying to wipe off everything you knew of the accident, then blew out a loud breath.

“Let’s just think about something else.”

Almost at the same time as you, he spoke. “Thank you.”

“...What for?”

“For coming to my rescue,” he said, huffing a laugh. “I know that I… didn’t really deserve it.”

“Don’t thank me, Steve.”

“Seriously. You could’ve just told me to walk home, but you didn’t.”

“I’m just being a good friend,” you said, then shrugged. “I hope you would do it for me.”

“In a heartbeat.”

He wondered if this was his chance to say sorry.

Or if there was even a point in it.

He was afraid you’d do no more than laugh in his face, and even if he deserved it he didn’t want to succumb to it.

But he had to. Because he almost died last night. And he could be fighting those monsters again, any day now. Was he going to lose this chance? Or is he going to die without saying another word to you?

He stared down at his ripped knuckles. The wounds still looked fresh. They stung just from touching the open air.

He stared, and stared, and stared, and - he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say a word. He couldn’t face it.

Your footsteps toward him made him jump back.

You were holding a box of band-aids.

You held out your hand, asking for his without words, and he offered both of them to you. First his right, then his left, were covered in pink, green, and yellow band-aids by you.

It was gentle and kind, the way you went about it. Like you would hurt him even more if you weren’t careful.

He still had dried blood under his nails and splinters in his palms. He watched your clean hands holding his beaten up ones and he felt bad, because your skin was too soft to bother with the cuts and calluses on his.

But you held them anyway.

He put his fingers through yours and you didn’t stop him. He wanted to cry.

“I’m just glad you're alright.”

He didn’t know what to say - there wasn’t anything to say, he guessed. Nothing to make it better or change anything.

All he could do was squeeze your hand and watch you wipe tears off your cheeks.

Until he noticed a cut on the back of your hand. He pulled it closer so he could get a better look.

“What happened?”

“I dropped a knife while I was cooking last night. It’s fine.”

It looked fine, but Steve wanted to repay your favor, so he pulled a band-aid from the near empty box and put it on your wound.

“We match,” he said.

You laughed. “We’re even now.”

He felt overwhelmed with melancholy. He needed to rest, he wanted to close his eyes and not open them for weeks.

“I should go check on Robin,” he said as he walked backwards toward the stairs. He kept his eyes to the ground, away from the look on your face. “She’ll flip if she wakes up and she’s alone.”

You said nothing.

…

The following days and weeks were a lot of checking on Robin, and Robin checking on him. Too much waking up in the middle of the night and keeping his eyes glued to his bedroom door just in case. Only feeling safe enough if he had a baseball bat hugged to his chest and Robin snoring next to him.

So - he wasn’t doing well, but it was fine. He tried not to complain about it. Robin was the only person he let himself be half honest with - but he kept the truth to himself, because she’d get anxious if he said what he really felt.

Steve was scared. And he didn’t want anyone else to know it, because all of the others acted as if their lives were perfectly back to normal. They were doing well. So he had to be doing well, too. For their sake.

Weeks after that awful night at the mall, he and Robin conned their way into getting jobs at Family Video. He was grateful, because god, he was too codependent on her.

It was a random night at his place when Robin brought you up out of nowhere.

“I just realized, I never thanked your neighbor for saving us that night.”

“You don’t need to. I’m sure she knows you’re thankful.”

“Yeah, but, I feel like I should pay her back.”

Steve shrugged at her words. He didn’t want to think about you more than he had to - it hurt just a little bit too much.

“Should I give her a gift?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled. “She likes cookies. Get her cookies.”

And Steve didn’t know it, but the next day, Robin rang your doorbell with a plastic box of cookies in her hands. You opened the door and she started rambling from the get.

“Hey - Steve said you like cookies, so, I decided I’d bring you some to thank you. For showing up at Starcourt in the middle of the night and practically saving our lives. And for letting us sleep on your floor. That was really nice of you.”

You didn’t know what to say. Robin seemed weird. You just went along with it.

“Oh - thanks. That’s cool. Thanks.”

She shoved them toward you, and you took them.

“Do you want to come in?” you asked.

Instead of answering, she just stepped through the door. You brought her to the kitchen.

“I hope they’re good. I just got them at the corner store. But all cookies are the same, right?”

“Well - no, but, it’s the thought that counts.”

“Oh.”

The gifted cookies didn’t look much better than the worst recipes you’d made, but you opened the crude packaging and gave them a chance.

They were fine. Maybe a little worse than fine. You gave Robin one, anyway.

“They’re good!” she said, with a mouth full.

“They are,” you lied. “They’re not homemade, but they’ll do. Thanks, Robin.”

You ate half of your cookie. Robin finished hers. It was quiet.

You figured you might as well try to get to know this girl a bit better. At least be polite and make small talk, just to be nice.

So you asked an easy question. “How long have you and Steve been together?”

But it wasn’t as simple as you thought, because she started coughing up the cookie. “What do you mean?”

“...What?”

“We’re not together,” she said with a heavy dose of sass. “God, I’ll never get over people asking me that. I am not dating Steve Harrington. Gross.”

“Oh - sorry, I just thought -”

“It’s fine,” she said. “Everyone always asks. I guess a guy and a girl can’t be friends without everyone making assumptions.”

You laughed. “Yeah. People used to do the same thing to us. Sorry, I didn’t mean to ask a weird question.”

“It’s alright. Actually, I’m supposed to be at his place in, like - well, ten minutes ago. You should come over if you're free.”

“Uh - I don’t know, me and Steve - we don’t really hang out anymore.”

You aren’t sure why you didn’t just make up an excuse. Something about Robin made you feel okay about being honest.

“It’s cool. I’m sure he’d be happy to see you. It’s kind of been just us since what happened with - the fire. The fire that happened. So - you know. It’d be nice to have someone else around. If you want.”

You were curious how this would turn out. So, “sure. I’ll come.”

“Great. You should bring a cookie for Steve.”

You brought the whole box, and decided you would accidentally forget them at his place so they wouldn’t go to waste.

Steve’s front door was yanked open from the inside before Robin could let herself in, and his wide eyes became a little less wide when he saw her.

“Where the fuck were you - you were supposed to be here half an hour ago, I thought you got fucking eaten or something.”

“Relax. I was just making a cookie delivery next door. Chill.”

Robin threw her thumb over her shoulder. You poked your head out from behind her and gave Steve a weak wave.

“Oh.”

“What exactly would she get eaten by?”

“I don’t know,” Steve shrugged. You noticed he was gripping his car keys in a tight, scarred fist.

“Monsters,” Robin joked. Steve didn’t laugh. You did a little bit. “I invited her over. Is that alright?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

You stuck to Robin all the way to his living room, because that was easier than making yourself comfortable. You hadn’t been in this house in ages, and you weren’t sure what to do with yourself.

“Where’s my crossword?”

“I finished it.”

“Asshole. You know I hate that. Just get your own.”

“Whatever, you suck at them, anyway.”

Robin, unlike you, had no reservations in the Harrington house. She kicked her feet up and started channel surfing as soon as she sat on the couch.

“Have a cookie,” Robin said to Steve. You reached the box out to him; he sat down next to you to take one, taking up the spot between you and Robin.

It was weird being so close to him again. His knee was touching yours, and it made your skin feel too hot. Still, you didn’t move away.

“These are shit,” he said with a full mouth.

“Hey!”

You laughed loud, because you completely agreed.

“No, seriously, these are awful.”

“I spent five dollars on those!”

You gasped. “Five? Robin.”

“You should have just given her the money instead. Or thrown it in the trash.” Steve dropped his half eaten cookie back in the box. You put the plastic lid back on and sat it on the coffee table.

“I thought they were good. You’re being so rude right now. They were a gift.”

Steve looked at you. “You didn’t tell her how bad they are?”

“I didn’t - I don’t think they’re that bad.”

“You’re lying,” Steve laughed, then he turned to Robin. “She’s lying.”

“I’m not lying!”

“I know you, and I know you’re lying.”

“It’s fine, guys, you don’t have to spare my feelings or anything.”

You sighed, defeated. “...They are pretty terrible.”

Robin scoffed loud and obnoxious.

“Whatever. I’ll enjoy them.”

…

As it turns out, Robin acted like glue between you and Steve. Neither of you would have ever made an effort to see each other again, out of embarrassment or guilt or both, but Robin didn’t have to unpack any of that baggage. She didn’t even know it existed.

Instead, she immediately saw you as a friend. And she brought you in like she had known you forever.

But Robin and Steve were a package deal. So, if you were a friend to her, you had to be a friend to him, too.

And the two of them were weird. Most of the time, they left you feeling like a third wheel on their friendship.

They could be mean to each other. Rough. They acted the exact way you knew siblings do, but that was only surface level. There was something deeper - more than anything a brother and sister had, because it wasn’t the blood in their veins that connected them. It was the roots they chose to grow into each other that kept them together.

Robin spent the night with Steve more often than she didn’t. And she bullied him for his bad cooking, and he told her when an outfit was ugly, and they stood next to each other like two puzzle pieces that didn’t match but fit together with a hard press.

Sometimes you sat on the sidelines and ached, mourning a friendship that had been buried some odd years ago. It was well beyond rotten - something decayed and unrecognizable now. Even if you dug it up, it couldn’t be the same as it was.

But you wished.

And as you sat and listened to Robin chastise Steve for saying something dumb - watched as he meddled her hair into a purposeful mess, you could only laugh and sink into yourself. You were happy and sad; you cherished your time together and dreaded it, all at the same time.

Above it all, Steve was different. Distant in the way he would never meet your eyes, or laugh too loud at your jokes, or sit too close for too long.

It all felt fleeting. Like that week you spent angry at him - stuck in a weird limbo, between friends and strangers, a frustrating purgatory. Some kind of Schrodinger’s Cat of a friendship - alive and dead at the same time.

You would have just said something, if it felt like you could. But if Steve minded, he didn’t show it. If he missed how things were, he didn’t act like it. And, as you knew him, if he wanted to he would.

And it wasn’t totally bad. It was just new. You’d get used to it with a spoonful of sugar and a hard swallow.

On a random day, you had mentioned off-hand that you had been meaning to visit your aunt’s apartment to drop off and pick up a few things. Steve offered to take you, and you agreed, and the next day, you made good on your plans.

The two of you didn’t hang out without Robin very often. Since early August, the number was hardly a handful. But with the radio turned on, it wasn’t too awkward.

Steve had visited your aunt with you several times growing up. He went to her house-warming party when she moved into her apartment. You were thirteen, and you made a game of pressing every button in the elevator before getting off it. Now, every time you’re there, you think about how you used to chase him down the halls.

Her place was the nicest there was in Hawkins, in the tallest residential building in town. Parking was a nightmare, but Steve kept his complaints under his breath, and he even carried your bag for you.

The elevator was the only thing in the apartment’s lobby. As you pressed the button, Steve spoke up.

“You wanna take the stairs instead?”

“Why?”

He shrugged. You laughed.

“You want to climb eight flights of stairs? No thanks.”

“I’m an athlete,” he mumbled under his breath, sheepish. “This thing is taking forever, anyways.”

It dinged as it finally started moving down toward the bottom floor.

“It’s on its way.”

He stepped back, looked around, and he must have spotted the stairwell. “I’ll race you,” and then he took off.

The elevator door opened as the stairway’s door closed, and you rode to the top floor alone.

He didn’t win the race - far from it, and you laughed as he tried to hide his struggling breathing.

“Been waiting for you all day, athlete. Thought you’d take ‘til Christmas.”

“Psh. Whatever. I’ll win on the way down.”

The elevator creaked and hummed as it started moving down, and Steve glared at it.

You laughed, “You’re weird,” and you left him behind to walk down the hall.

He worked fast to catch up, and called out, “The loser pays for dinner!”

“You know I’d never pass up that bet.”

Your aunt wasn’t home - she rarely was. But a key was under the mat, and as you walked inside her tuxedo cat, Webster, greeted you at the door.

“Hey, dude,” Steve said, kneeling down to pet him.

An old cardboard box sat on the dining table nearby, “Glassware” written on the side in crude permanent marker. It’s what you had been instructed to pick up and take back home - you weren’t sure what was inside.

You sat down and opened it and pulled out the first thing you saw: a white paper bag, one you knew printed photos came in.

“This what you came for?”

Steve stood next to you. He had Webster in his arms, who was purring loud and melting into his hand.

“Yeah.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know. Family stuff, I’m guessing.” You pulled out a fat stack of pictures and the one on top made you bark a laugh. “Oh my god.”

You and Steve, seven years old, wearing matching cowboy costumes for Halloween - you with a white cowboy hat, him with a black one. You stood with a jack-o-lantern between you. You had your hands on your hips and a frown on your face; Steve had his chin pushed out in a wicked scowl.

You turned it to him, and he laughed just as loud as you. “Look at those two mean mugs!”

“Do you remember this?”

He sat in the chair next to you, continuing to look at the photo over your shoulder. Webster made himself comfortable in his lap.

“Yeah,” he laughed, “We fought all night because you stole my -”

“Oh my god.”

“You stole my full size Snickers.”

“I did not!”

“You did.”

“I didn’t!”

The way he looked at you told you this was still a sore subject.

“You went ahead of me to the Smith’s place while I was trying to tie my shoe and you took her last bar. That’s what happened!”

“That’s not stealing!”

“It is!”

“I didn’t mean to leave you behind! It’s not my fault you didn’t know how to tie your shoes!”

“You didn’t, either. And, I learned before you.”

You puffed a sigh and flipped the photo to the back of the stack. “Why are you still fighting over this? We shared all the candy, anyway.”

“It’s the principle. Theft is a crime, and you never apologized.”

You only laughed. No way were you giving him that apology now.

When you pulled the photos out of the box, you didn’t intend on looking through them all, but your curiosity kept you flicking through them. Most were of random family members or photos of the beach, but pictures of you and Steve were littered throughout the stack. There wasn’t a single photo of you that didn’t have him in it, too.

There were from some first days of school, birthday parties, sleepovers. They were sorted somewhat chronologically - looking through them was pure nostalgia, memories hitting you at every angle as you watched yourself grow up.

The next one to catch your eye was from a middle school dance. Neither of you wanted to attend, but your mother insisted. Your one condition was that you could wear whatever you wanted.

So you and Steve had swapped styles. You wore his way oversized Atlanta Flames jersey, a baseball cap, and sneakers that didn’t fit; he had on your purple sweater, a big pearl necklace, and white jeans.

It was cute, and it was goofy, and you wished you could jump into the picture and relive it.

At that age, the only thing you knew was that you and Steve would live forever, together. Now that you know what you know, your heart ached for the little girl in these pictures. What would she think about the space between you two now?

There were pictures from summer camp, swimming pools, and your first day of high school.

Webster meowed. Steve meowed back at him.

As you got to the bottom of the stack, pictures of the two of you were less and less. The last one - the one you didn’t know would be your last picture with him - was of you, him, and a few of your extended family members. A day spent at the lake that Steve really didn’t want to go to, for some reason only an angsty teenage boy could understand, that you dragged him to. It was the summer before your junior year.

In the photo, his arm was draped completely over your shoulder. You remembered him leaning all of his weight on you - to the point that you fell out of your seat after the picture was taken by your aunt.

And you had fun, like you always did. Steve became a member of your family out of happenstance. It was just because he was always around, really. They all saw him as much as they saw you.

You put that photo to the back of the stack and kept carding through them. You didn’t find any more pictures of you and Steve.

The rest were all more recent. Steve stopped you on one that was of you alone - sat at a dinner table, wearing a cable knit sweater.

“That’s a good one,” he said.

“Yeah. It’s from Christmas. Senior year, maybe.”

You acted like you weren’t sure, but you knew exactly when that photo was taken. You just didn’t want him to know how sad you were in it.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” and you laughed, “this was not a fun party.” He didn’t reply, and so you kept talking, sparing him a shy glance. “Everyone kept asking where you were.”

The silence was heavier this time.

“Oh,” he said, trying to bury it. “Yeah.” An awkward chuckle. “I bet that was annoying.”

You laughed and tried to make it sound real - tried to seem like you didn’t care. “Yeah, well, you know how my family always liked you better.”

He shrugged, looking like he was going to make a joke, but he didn’t. His eyes were distant as they moved down to his lap.

You shoved the picture to the back with the rest.

The one behind it was just as lonely.

Still, Steve perked up at it. “Is that from graduation?”

You wore a cap and gown, you held a bouquet of flowers, and you stood all alone.

“Yeah.”

Steve’s hand wrapped around yours holding the picture, and he tilted it toward him so he could get a better look.

“My aunt kept trying to get me to find you for a picture,” you laughed.

“You should’ve.” He smiled something big and real, and you realized with a rush that this is the closest you’d been to him in a while. If you kept looking, you could count the freckles on his cheek. His thumb pressed into the back of your hand. “I remember seeing you. You looked real cute.”

You ignored his compliment to say something snide. “I ignored you so hard.”

Another laugh, “Really?”

“Obviously.”

“Yeah. That’s fair - I would’ve, too.”

You tried not to think about how badly you wished he was standing next to you in the picture.

Steve spoke up, “I -” but you cut him off by accident.

“It’s fine.”

You didn’t mean it. He could tell.

“...Is it?”

It was honest when you replied, “I don’t know.”

He was still holding your hand.

“I never told you I’m sorry.”

“I guess I just figured you were.”

You dropped the pictures on the table, dropping his hand with them.

“Is that good enough?” It was an honest question.

“I don’t know. Maybe it is.”

And your answer was genuine, because you didn’t know. Steve had come back into your life just as easily as he left it - on a whim, without any warning. You didn’t put any roadblocks in his way.

But you stared at the photos spread out in front of you. At the story they told of your friendship that would always be unfinished.

You had to teach yourself how to do life without him. All of those lessons seemed useless, now, because here he was. And you didn’t even know if he ever missed you.

You pulled away from him, a move that was far more snappy than you meant. You did it like he’d reached out and burned you. It had Webster jumping down to the floor.

“It’s fine,” you repeated.

“I think you’re lying just to make me feel better.”

“I don’t know why I’m lying.”

“We don’t have to talk about it now,” he mumbled, and you stood up. The chair scraped the floor in a way that grated your ears. You turned your back to him.

“I thought I knew you.” Your eyes welled up, your nose started to run. You balled your hands up like you were on defense. “I thought you would say sorry, and make everything go back to normal like you always did. But you didn’t. I thought you would miss me, at least, but - but you didn’t.”

“You think I didn’t miss you?”

The shake in his voice had your fist dropping to hit your thighs, defeated.

“I miss you more than anything. I’m sorry - I’m not just saying it to make you feel better, or because I have to, I - I don’t even deserve to be saying it.” He paused, and you could imagine the way he was running his hands through his hair and pacing around with nerves. “I’m sorry for being a bad friend. For not treating you like you deserved - I hate myself for it. You were the best thing in my life, and I know that now. I was just too scared to come crawling back to you because I wasn’t worth your time.”

You breathed in deep, exhaled hard, and it felt like the first breath you had taken in two years. It was that feeling when you’ve forgotten your keys but find the door unlocked - the relief of being let in despite a mistake, it rushed through you, and it had you turning to look at him. You found him standing and staring at you, through you, with glassy eyes you would always know.

“I just miss you, Steve.”

Three steps and then he was around you. And you were safer than a child hiding under their blanket from whatever lurked in their closet - monsters weren’t real if his arms were around you. That had always, always been true.

Webster rubbed up against your leg, then Steve’s. The hug shook with both of your laughter, and he held you tighter.

…

Things didn’t go back to how they used to be after that, but it was close enough. And you were trying to settle into the differences that kept knocking you off your feet.

It started with late night phone calls.

Before, you never talked on the phone. Why would you when his house was a stone throw away? If you wanted to talk, you’d invite yourself to his place.

But the two of you were still dancing on the ripped edges of that two year old fight. Wounds were still healing - almost there, but not quite. So it was easier to take it slow, to treat this time as something brand new.

And it was brand new.

You had caught yourself grinning ear to ear over stories he’d tell you, and you had to force the smile off your face. Like you shouldn’t be acting that way over your friend - you quickly realized you just couldn’t help it.

He’d keep you up too late and tease you for it the next day. And you weren’t sure if he was trying to get a rise out of you, but that’s how you felt. He acted so smug after seeing your cheeks swell in embarrassment.

So it wasn’t going back to how it was before. In fact, it was going down an entirely different road - one that wasn’t even on the map.

You weren’t complaining, because you felt things you hadn't felt before around him. He made you feel warm, and you were addicted to it. You were addicted to him, and you had blind hope that the feeling was mutual.

He’d spend his entire lunch break visiting you, even if your breaks didn’t line up. He’d follow you around the apparel section at Roses and you’d have all your attention on him, just the way he liked it. He made sure to see you every day.

You never thought he’d make you feel so shy, but it was an emotion you couldn’t get enough of. You hardly realized what you were spiraling into until you’d catch him looking at you with a blush on his cheeks, or until you had to stop yourself from thinking about him every night before bed.

But there was something glaring, something major, something you couldn’t look at directly until it came up in conversation with Robin.

Robin and Steve always had Sundays off, so the day was designated to be stolen by their other friends - who were all in junior high.

When you asked why they were friends with junior high kids, Steve called himself their babysitter. Robin said she was their good influence. You avoided asking follow up questions.

It was a lazy autumn day, one where the warmth of fallen leaves reflected in the air - something rare for early November.

The youngest of the kids, Erica, loved putting on a nice outfit and going for a walk. Today it was yellow Chucks, a red silk and pleated maxi skirt, and a long sleeve button up with a rainbow of vertical stripes. (It would have been a tie dyed short sleeve, if Steve hadn’t told her it was too chilly for it.) She had stuck gems beside her eyes, the kind that come in the plastic packets and don’t stay on for long, and Robin packed yellow eyeshadow on her eyelids.

She was downright cute, but if you told the eleven year old that she’d aim her sass at you and shoot to kill. She much preferred receiving a refined compliment, because, “I hear that all the time.”

Today, you told her you loved the way she paired so many colors together. She grinned something beautiful and kicked her foot up behind her and agreed with you.

Steve had once described her as a menace - you didn’t understand why.

You walked with Robin a few feet behind Erica, Dustin, and Steve. Dustin had not stopped talking the whole time, except when Erica butted in. Steve had stolen the younger boy’s thinking cap hat and was wearing it backwards.

“The last time I wore this coat, I found two phone numbers in the pocket.” Robin held up two fingers and gestured to the Letterman jacket she wore. It was Steve’s. “Can you believe that? I mean, what a douche. I wouldn’t even wear this if it wasn’t so warm.”

You laughed. “Yeah, I believe it, actually. They were probably from some cheerleaders or something.”

“Yeah, well, he can’t get any numbers these days. He’s cursed to be forever lame as punishment for the jerk he was in high school.” Robin was smirking wicked and wide, like it was satisfying for her.

“He’s lost all his charm?”

“All of it. I mean, one hundred percent. I used to keep count of how many times he fell on his face in front of girls. It’s magnificent, truly.” Then, quieter, “He’ll get it back, though. One day.”

“He used to have no trouble at all.” The conversation had the gears in your head turning; it had you speaking without thinking. “I don’t know. He’s really different now.”

Robin laughed, like you were joking. “Yeah, he learned manners, for one.”

“It’s not that.” You were thinking out loud. “He’s nicer, yeah, but… it’s almost like he’s not even the same person. I’m not sure what happened.”

The Steve you knew was boisterous. He was unapologetic. He was stupidly confident, the life of the party, and he wasn’t afraid of anything. A wouldn’t take no for an answer, go with the flow, drop of the hat kind of person.

You were lucky to know him when that’s all he was. Before the halls of Hawkins High swallowed him and spit out someone ornery who cared too much but not at all.

You thought it was just Tommy and Carol’s influence. Now that he wasn’t their friend anymore, you thought he’d become who he used to be.

“He told me how close you two were before,” Robin said. She was tugging on a strand of hair that was stuck in her lip gloss. “I guess I never knew him like you did.”

“He’s so quiet now. He used to be so loud.” You meant it more than literally - you hoped Robin would understand. “I don’t know. So much changed and it’s only been a couple years.”

It seemed like she was struggling to reply, because it took her more than a few seconds to get her words out.

“I guess - I mean - I think you’ve probably changed a lot, too. Two years is a long time, right?”

Robin knew. No one could tell, but she knew.

Maybe the differences that you had described of Steve were really there. She wasn’t able to see them the way you could, but she didn’t care. It was selfish to admit that she would never change a thing about him - but one.

He was waiting.

Everyone was, she thinks.

Waiting for another fight.

It wasn’t easy to go back to normal after trudging through hell. It was like coming out the other side of trench warfare unharmed - you didn’t. When a gun fires, its bullets hit. If a bomb is dropped it doesn’t miss a fucking thing, and Starcourt Mall was goddamn ground zero.

And Robin wasn’t there for the disappearance of Will Byers. The death of Barbra Holland. The Upside Down. The Demogorgon. The Demodogs, and the lab, and the girl with psychic powers. She wasn’t there, but Steve was.

Her head hurt just thinking of the stories he’s told her. And she knew his did, too, more often than he’d admit to her.

And she felt bad when her sleeping patterns went back to normal but his didn’t. When she got used to being on edge all the time, Steve still jumped at any noise. His phone would ring and she would watch him prepare himself to answer it - to hear Dustin’s voice on the line telling him that it’s back.

So when you said that Steve’s changed, Robin didn’t know what to tell you. You were right, and she knew that, but she couldn’t tell you why. You knew everything about him besides, well - everything.

Robin wished she didn’t have to know, either. She wanted to tell you that you should be grateful you couldn’t see the shackles on his ankles. You got to know him before - and Robin would give anything for that.

But she couldn’t change a thing.

Instead, all she could do was wait.

And lie.

And pretend.

“He’s still loud,” she said, uncomfortable as all get out.

As if he heard her words, Steve busted out in a stomach hurting kind of laughter at one of Dustin’s stories.

“See what I mean?”

Your destination was in sight now. Steve turned around - letting Dustin steal his hat back - walking backwards, and reached a hand out to you.

“You coming?”

Your pace turned into a skipping sort of jog to catch up with him. When you were close enough he grabbed your hand and didn’t let go. He’d been doing that often.

The kids and Robin broke away, heading for the tiny park that was up on your right. To your left, Steve tugged you to a tiny convenience store.

“Place your orders!” he called.

Dustin and Erica shouted at the same time. Steve mumbled something about not being able to understand them, so you relayed their messages.

“You’re getting two things! No more than that!” he shouted back. “Robin?”

“7-Up.”

“What else?”

“Surprise me!”

You hung onto his arm as you walked into the store, and you weren’t even sure why. He never pulled away when you got that close, so you kept going back.

You went for the drink coolers first. He reached for the apple juice.

“She likes orange juice the best, now,” you said.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“You better be right - if she’s mad at me over this, I’ll be mad at you.”

You rounded up all the snacks everyone wanted, following Steve’s only two items rule. You laughed when he chose plain potato chips as Robin’s surprise - the blandest possible choice. And while he checked out at the counter, you wandered off into the aisles.

He acted like he didn’t want you to go, pulling you back and asking a quiet, “where’re you going?”

“To look around.”

It was straight to the candy aisle for a Blow Pop for Erica, Pop Rocks for Dustin, and sour gummy worms to share. You liked spoiling them - it helped to get on their good side.

You made a stop at the candy bars to grab a Snickers bar before going back to the counter, and Steve immediately shook his head when he saw you.

“What are you doing? What’s all that?”

“It’s all for me.” You dropped it all for the clerk to scan.

“All of it?”

“Yeah.”

“Even though you said you didn’t want anything?”

“I changed my mind!”

He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, and you watched his hand move to his back pocket.

“Don’t you dare.”

His wallet was half way out of his pocket as he laughed. “What?”

“You’re not paying. Stop.” You tried to sound mad, and felt you were doing a good job, but he kept giggling at you.

“Oh, are you my boss now?”

“Yes, Steve,” and you bumped into him, trying to push him away. “Don’t make me say your full name.”

“Just let me -”

“Take their things to them! Go!”

You were shocked when he listened, but he only made it as far as the door. He stood against the glass with his arms crossed, staring at you until you finally followed him.

“What are you looking at?”

He pushed his back into the door to open it. “Trying to figure it out.” He reached for your hand, and you swatted it away, only for him to catch you, anyway. And you let him hold your hand, all the way across the street to the park.

Your friends sat at a picnic table waiting patiently. It was actually two tables pushed together, doubling the normal length; Erica and Dustin sat opposite each other on one end, and Robin sat in the middle, crisscrossed on top of the table.

Steve divvied snacks to grabby hands, and you snuck their surprise treats in to the sound of thank yous.

You took your seat on the other end of the table across from Steve. When you sat down, he put a bottle of Coke between you.

“Are you going to share?” you asked.

“Only if you’ve got something to give me in return.”

The Snickers bar made a thud on the wooden table. Steve hummed. “I guess that’s good enough.”

You were almost happy with the trade until you realized, “No bottle opener?”

His eyes doubled their size. “Shit.” Then, he grabbed the bottle. “No, it's a twist off.” The noise he made as he tried taking off the cap was something like a squeak, and everyone at the table laughed.

“Just walk back to the store!”

“Dustin - Dustin! Do you -”

The boy slid a large key ring down the table. It was a wad of keys, keychains, and gadgets.

“It’s on there somewhere.”

There was a mini flashlight, a laser pointer, a plastic Q*bert charm, a pocket knife, keys and keys and keys, a kubaton, and, “Yes!” a bottle opener.

“This is why I keep you around, Henderson.”

“I’m the one keeping you guys around, first of all.”

You grabbed the Coke and guzzled a couple drinks worth in one go, and when you put it back down, Steve had already eaten half the candy bar in one bite.

“Steve!”

His mouth was full when he said, “What?”

“Why can’t you share? Why didn’t anyone ever teach you about sharing?” His laugh was sweeter than the chocolate he was shoving into your face. “Stop, I don’t wanna eat after you.”

“We’ve got the same germs,” he said, and he was feeding you the Snickers before you could make another argument.

The snacks were all gone much quicker than it took to walk and get them, because none of you would ever learn to savor the destination. Regardless, next Sunday, you’d all be sitting in the same spot - give or take a few others, creating a good day for yourselves.

And, if you were lucky, Steve would be holding your hand the whole time.

...

It didn’t matter who you were cheering for on the court, you hated high school basketball games.

Going to Lucas’s game brought back far too many memories than you’d care to recollect. But even though you hated it, you were still filled with pride watching the boy play the game so well.

And Steve hadn’t shut up about it all night. He spoke about Lucas shooting the buzzer beating winning basket like he was recounting a grand story - something from a movie or a comic book. Like you weren’t sitting beside him the entire time.

You stood with him in his kitchen, and the excitement had finally started to settle. You and Steve had spent far too long talking about how weird it was to be back in the high school gym, and both of you agreed that you didn’t miss it at all.

“Is Robin excited for spring break?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “She said she’s spending the entire week here so she can be as lazy as she wants, so - I guess she is.”

You threw a weak fist into his shoulder and he caught it. “What’s wrong with that?”

“She’s gonna steal all my time!” His grin was contagious as he slotted his fingers into yours. “And that means I can’t steal all of yours.”

“Does that mean I’m finally getting a break from you?” You laughed, but he didn’t.

It was weird, the way his entire demeanor changed in a snap. Before you could even take back the joke you made he was shifting his eyes and dropping his grin.

He had always worn his heart on his sleeve, even if he tried hiding it.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” It was a hand through his hair that said the opposite, but you’d never call out his tells. “I just - that reminded me there was actually something I wanted to talk to you about.” He dropped your hand to cross his arms, and it had you feeling nervous.

“What about? …Did I do something wrong?”

“No, honey.” You weren’t sure when that nickname came around, or when it started to stick, but it had a fairy fluttering its wings in your chest. He started to reach for you again, you could see it, but he stopped himself. “You could never do anything wrong.”

You laughed quiet. “Neither could you.”

You moved to stand next to him, mirroring the way his back leaned against the counter. Your arm pressed to his. He was looking at the floor; you were looking at him.

“Are you sure?” It started as a whisper but jumped into a shake, a crack in his voice that said more than he wanted to. And he looked at you, to see if you caught it, and you swore his eyes were shining. He didn’t show them to you for longer than a moment.

“Steve?”

“I just - I don’t want to fuck this up again.”

“How would that even happen?”

He looked at you like he knew something you didn’t. “I don’t know.”

You nudged his arm with your elbow, again and again, until his crossed arms dropped. Your pointer finger snaked around his, and the touch brought enough bravery out of him to link his fingers with yours.

“What do you know?”

He scoffed into a smile, one big enough to reach his eyes, and it brought him out of his funk. “I don’t know,” he said, moving closer to you as he made the joke.

“That’s what I thought,” you replied. “Not a thought going on in your head.”

Making him laugh was the key to his heart - you knew that, and it worked this time as well as it always had.

He had his head turned, cheek to shoulder, staring down at you; you were so close, you could watch his eyes move across your face and know where he was looking. They wandered, but when his gaze lingered on your lips - you noticed.

“I know one thing for sure,” he said.

When you took a loud breath, you’re sure he heard. He gave you eye contact again, and maybe you were seeing things, but you swore you saw question marks swimming in the green.

He didn’t breathe. You didn’t blink. You moved forward just a hair, and he looked back down, so you pressed on. You wanted to be closer, as close as you could get - it was curiosity or desperation, you didn’t know.

When he tilted his chin toward you, it was hardly noticeable. But you saw it, and it was enough. Your nose was just about to touch his - you watched his eyes close, right before yours did. There was nothing to do but move closer, closer, closer.

And then, when you felt just the softest graze of his skin on yours -

BAM! BAM! BAM!

You jumped back from each other like same-side magnets, gasping and jumping at the sound of loud knocks on the front door.

He moved fast, like he was looking for a way out, leaving you alone in the kitchen. “Shit.”

Steve had a good idea of who he’d see when he opened the door. The knob was jingling when he unlocked it, then pulled it open.

Sure enough, Robin. Wearing a flannel that was his, with wild bedhead that he couldn’t help laughing at.

“Did you walk here?”

“Yeah,” she croaked. “Let me in.”

It was written all over her face why she was there, and Steve felt bad.

Even though she asked to come in, she didn’t move. Her features were all scrunched up, her shoulders were hunched into her crossed arms.

“Robin -”

“I fucking hate this.” Loud, echoing into the night and through his door. “I hate it, Steve, and I swear - I swear it’s not over.” Her eyes wet her cheeks; she looked at him through tears. “It’s going to happen again. I can feel it. And I’m scared.”

He had to pull her inside, because he knew she’d stand in the same spot all night if he didn’t. She pushed into him, shoving her face into his shoulder, wiping her tears on his shirt.

“You just need to rest,” he told her.

She spoke something pitiful, not caring that her words were muffled. “The gate’s really closed, right? For sure?”

“It’s over, Robin, it was just a nightmare - you just need some good sleep, alright?”

She nodded, wiped her runny nose into her sleeve, and tried pulling her tears back in.

“I wish I could sleep anywhere else.”

“I know.” It wasn’t any sort of jab - it was just the truth. The only time she was truly afraid was when she slept alone.

She hit a fist into his chest, something playful that made things feel a little more okay, and then took herself to the stairs.

“I’ll be up in a minute to stand guard,” he joked. She barely laughed but it was enough, and he watched her until he couldn’t see her anymore.

And he hoped you hadn’t heard anything, because he wouldn’t be able to answer any questions you had. When he found you in the kitchen you looked nothing but concerned.

“Is she okay?”

All you knew was that she had nightmares about the mall fire. It was a realistic excuse, in comparison to the unbelievable truth.

“Yeah. You know how she is.”

You nodded. Steve wasn’t sure how to go back to the talk you were having before, so he avoided it.

You spoke first. “I hope she’s alright.”

“I should probably go be with her,” he said.

You were perfectly okay with it, understanding as always. “Yeah. She needs you.”

He walked you to the door, and it was too brief for his taste. But when you were there, he spoke up.

“I’m sorry. Can we finish this tomorrow, maybe? I promise - I… I really did want to talk.”

“Of course,” you said, and it was shy. “Don’t be sorry, Steve, she’s more important right now. We can talk any time.”

His arms wrapped around your shoulders for a crushing hug. “I’ll call you in the morning, okay? Before work. We can make plans then.”

And that was it - he watched you make your walk home until you walked into your front door, and that was it.

The moment was ruined, and he might not be able to make it happen again.

…

Steve didn’t call you the next morning.

part two!!!!

#my writing #perhaps the only steve fic i will ever write #if there are typos in this i. lmao i will rage #this took forever this is so fucking long if no one reads it i dont blame truly #anyway #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington x you #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fluff #fluff #angst #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington one shot #stranger things x reader #stranger things x you

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mega-aulover · 1 year

Text

A S. W. A. N. Story

This is for the wonderful @alwayseverlark who is always finding ways for this fandom to unite. I am grateful for your friendship and for your encouragement. Thank you for all that you do!

Special thanks to @lemonluvgirl87 for betaing :)

T rating for some bullying family disputes - family drama-meet cute - elitism - A modern AU of an Everlarked Cinderella....but with out the whole shoe thing.

Summary: Katniss Everdeen is a smart girl. Brilliant, actually. She has more degrees than she has fingers on one hand. But she has never felt beautiful or interesting. When she is asked to be Madge's maid of honor Katniss has serious doubts she'll fit in with her childhood glamorous friend. Will she survive the wedding and find love? Or will she be a total embarrassment.

Katniss sighed as she looked at her image in the mirror. At 24 she wasn't the typical girl in her mid-twenties. For one, she had a masters in the field of botany and another in Environmental Biology, with two minors- one in Paleontology and another in Genetics. She had several papers published in prestigious medical and scientific papers and was one month away from getting her doctoral thesis reviewed.

Though none of her academic success wouldn't have happened had it not been for Mrs. Swanson. At the age of eleven Mrs. Swanson saw that Katniss wasn't interested in what was being taught. Her teacher suggested Katniss take an aptitude test to see if she had any learning difficulties. Her scores for the test showed that Katniss did not have learning difficulties, she was in fact a smart brilliant child.

Katniss was next given the national IQ test to see her acumen. Mrs. Sawanon believed Katniss was smart. Her high scores were surprising. As a result she was skipped from the sixth grade to high school. Katniss qualified to be instantly enrolled to the University of Panem on a scholarship when she turned sixteen.

Because of her genius, Katniss often found it difficult to interact with people. Unless she was truly comfortable, she didn't talk, and she often felt left out in social situations.

The weekend wedding, she was going to be part of, scared the living daylights out of her. It's why it was important this weekend, everything went smoothly.

Critically she examined herself in the mirror. She wore comfortable green cargo pants with the hems rolled up because she was short. Her white t-shirt was clean, her sneakers were new. Katniss slipped on a loose heather gray knit sweater as they were going to take a flight and planes were often cold.

Katniss grimaced at her reflection one more time giving herself a pep talk. "You're going to be alright, Everdeen. If it gets too much you can always take a walk."

Walking helped center her and it would also help her not stuff her face. Food was her drug of choice, when things became bad.

Katniss still had about ten pounds to lose. She'd gained a lot of weight during her undergraduate years. The University of Panem, located in the heart of the Capitol of Panem, was surrounded by an urban concrete jungle and she didn't have the ability to hunt or hike.

During that time Katniss learned she needed the outdoors to help her cope with the stressors of life. The gym wasn't something that motivated her and so she gained a lot of weight on her petite frame.

"Don't forget to pack your contacts," Prim yelled from the guest bedroom. "Madge does not want you to wear your glasses!"

Katniss rolled her eyes pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. Her contacts were packed, as Madge dictated. Anyone who was considered a plane Jane knew that removing their eyeglasses didn't turn them into automatic beautiful swans. She wasn't pretty, she was dull and uninspiring. No one would ever wax poetically about her physical appearance. Though, with a bow and an arrow in her hands, Katniss transformed into something powerful and unstoppable.

She sighed, "Too bad there isn't going to be an archery contest this weekend."

Katniss turned around and walked into her bedroom. She lived alone in the Capitol these past two years. Her sister traveled from the university she attended in District One so that they could travel together to the wedding destination. Katniss hoped that this weekend things would change for her and Prim. She wanted them to somehow grow closer. This wedding could be the jumping point for new horizons. Things had been rough between Prim and Katniss. Katniss hoped being accepted by Madge and her sister's friends, maybe just maybe Prim would see she was worthy.

Katniss sat on the bed briefly and picked up the framed photo of her parents. It was one of the few mementos she had of her fathers. Her father, the late great Jackson Everdeen was a well-respected archaeologist, and he took them on adventures all over the world. He wore a hat and leather jacket like Indiana Jones.

Then he became ill.

When he died, Katniss's entire world turned upside down.

Turning sixteen and losing her father while finishing her last year of school was not easy. Her mother became depressed, and the bills piled up. It was up to her to take the mantle of adulthood. Katniss learned how to budget for money. She sold things on Craig's list to make ends meet. While most girls her age were at the beach, she was preparing dinner and lunches for the week, mowing neighbor's lawns for extra cash, and buying groceries. With the help of a friend of the family, Katniss convinced her mother to get help. Her mother slowly came back but she was never the same.

By the time August came around, Katniss was considering not entering University. Things were just starting to turn around, and her mother's mental health was important. But her mother pushed her to leave. Katniss suspected her mother was relieved when she left to study at the Capitol. Her mother never cried when Katniss left. There wasn't pride that her eldest was going to university. There was a feverish desire to get rid of her.

Katniss supposed that she was a living reminder of her father Jack, and her mother hurt to see her. It was this discovery that caused her to leave her home.

While her mother recovered and blossomed; for Katniss, living in the Capitol was hard. It was a stressful transition from the gentle rolling hills and mountains of her home district to the frenetic energy of a city full of towering buildings made up of glass, steel, and concrete. The only green to be found was in the clothing people wore.

Katniss threw herself into studying and working to maintain herself while in the Capitol. She made sure to put aside any extra money for her sister. Katniss saved a nest egg to fund Prim's education.

"Is that what you're wearing?" Prim asked, frowning. She placed her hand on her hip. Prim was clad in a short bubbly-pink slip dress, and mile high heels.

"It's freezing outside."

"But we're going to a tropical island."

"We're going to be in the air for nearly five hours. And we'll land at like five in the morning. I want to be comfortable."

"You'll look like one of the servants."

Katniss looked down at her outfit and sighed. She wondered where her sweet little sister had gone. When she graduated and came home Prim was all grown up. Her sister had transformed into a great beauty just like their mother. "But I'm comfy…"

"It's horrible," Prim said, her fist curling. "You've got to change, or at least take your hair out of that stupid childish braid."

"There isn't time."

"Just don't embarrass me," Prim huffed.

Katniss looked down at the picture in her hand. "I'll stay out of your way, don't worry."

Prim stomped away. Katniss could hear her sister say, "I don't know why Madge made you a bridesmaid."

Katniss expelled a deep breath before putting her picture back on her bedside table.

Madge had asked both Prim and Katniss to be in her bridal party. Katniss was surprised. She and the Mayor's daughter sat together during lunch back in high school, they didn't talk but they were friendly. Katniss was flattered until she met the other bridesmaids. All of the bridesmaids including her baby sister were tall slender modelesque blondes, with fair complexions and pale blue eyes. In contrast Katniss was short, with dark hair, gray eyes, and olive skin complexion.

Once again, she felt as if she didn't belong. The first time she'd felt this way was the spring she'd graduated from her undergraduate program and returned home for one summer.

Prim and her mother were a team, Prim inherited her mother's looks and bubbly personality. Katniss looked like their father and had his fire and frightening intelligence. Her mother refused to engage with Katniss. Instead, their mother focused on Prim. She showered her baby sister with everything, while Katniss was pushed to the side.

Katniss was a fish looking out of the fishbowl not being able to participate in the life her mother and sister had outside of the bowl.

"Come on Catnip," Prim sang, knowing Katniss hated that nickname. Prim bounded out of the house. "The car is here!"

"I'm coming," Katniss muttered, she loathed being called catnip.

"HURRY!" Prim bellowed from the car.

"Okay, okay," Katniss said. It was so cold outside her breath came out in puffy white clouds. Locking up the door she ran to the car and got in. The warmth stung her cold cheeks.

"I can't wait to get glammed up," Prim said as she put her seat belt on.

The car pulled out of Katniss's driveway.

Katniss smiled thinly, wanting the three-day weekend to go well, as she had hoped.

"I can't believe Madge is getting married tomorrow night," Prim said as she hummed along to the bubbly song. "She was so welcoming to me when I was pledging to her sorority. Took me under her wing, and so did Glimmer and Cashmere who are cousins. I can't wait to see them."

"I'm glad you've made great friends," Katniss quietly said.

"I know you don't care but I can't wait to get into my dress," Prim squealed.

Katniss said nothing, as the car slipped into the highway.

"Madge said that Cinna was hand-making the dresses, it's why he sent his assistants to take the measurements," Prim chirped happily.

Katniss frowned. No assistant came to take her measurements. As per the instructions she received via email she was to take her own measurements and send them to the provided address. She'd made sure that followed all the directions to the letter, she didn't want to make anyone upset with her.

"Can you imagine, me, putting on a couture gown that's worth ten thousand coins?" Prim smiled, her eyes were bright with happiness.

Katniss didn't say anything. She settled back in her seat and tried to relax letting what Prim said go over her head.

When they pulled up to the private airport that was going to take them to the wedding destination.

Katniss's smile faltered as they got out and saw the other women who were giants, one was named Glimmer, and the other Cashmere. These women were always frosty to Katniss, but for the sake of her sister Katniss squared her shoulders and plastered a smile on her face.

Prim squealed when she saw them.

"Have you met any of the groomsmen?" Cashmere asked.

"No, I haven't met any of them," Prim said.

"They're gorgeous," Glimmer said.

No one had met their partner; Madge had gotten engaged less than two months ago. It was a whirlwind romance that led to a quickly planned wedding.

Katniss tried to keep her calm when she was left behind to take care of the luggage. All three women were talking at the same time. Their voices were a cacophony of vain prattle. On the plane, Katniss sat by herself as it took off. Five hours later they landed at the exclusive island Madge was going to get married at.

A car drove them to the house, and Katniss's jaw dropped. The white house was enormous, and it was set amongst lush landscapes. The air smelled sweet with tropical fauna. The botanist in Katniss wanted to investigate what flowers produced such a sweet scent. The elegant front porch with its roof supported by four tall columns was welcoming. The elaborate doorway was made from a native rich wood. The elegant large windows had shutters, which were merely decorative.

There was a woman waiting for them with three frosty fruity drinks.

Katniss was about to reach for one when Glimmer shoved her to the side.

"Oh, my goodness these are delicious," Glimmer said.

"I know," Prim squealed. "I'm legal here I can drink!"

"I really need to relax. I've been so stressed," Cashmere said giggling.

Katniss watched her sister giggle and nod.

Madge came out and she grinned when she saw them. "Hi, I'm glad you're here. We've got to get you guys ready for tonight. Cinna is here with his team. The guys are getting ready as we speak. Helene will take you to Cinna's prep team," Madge said.

Katniss was going to follow when Madge pulled her back.

"Katniss, thank goodness you're here, I need you to help with the flower arrangements, they're a nightmare."

Katniss smiled. "Sure."

While the others were whisked away for mani-pedis, and facials Katniss was put to work. Even though she didn't know much about bridal floral arrangements, Madge was right, the arrangements were a hot mess. Using her phone she looked up wild plants. Katniss found a few species of plants outside that could be used to better the decorations.

When she was finished with her first task, a message was sent down from Madge. Katniss was to assist the staff set up the reception, next she was told she was to help set up the cocktail hour, she was made to help while everyone was getting ready. That is how she found herself hauling chairs down to the patio.

As she was tying the decorations on the chairs that lined the wedding aisle, she heard the distinctive voices of men. She looked up to see four men dressed in tuxedos standing by the backyard entrance of the house.

One was tall with a slight build with sandy brown hair, another had thick meaty fingers, and there was another that was bronzed with green eyes. They were all handsome, but in her opinion, it was the last guy that was the best-looking one.

He had warm blue eyes and was athletic like the other guys, but his movements were graceful. There was something about him that caused her to want to give him a flirty smile. And Katniss did not flirt.

"Hey, Marvel, maybe she can get us some drinks," the one with the meaty fingers said as he pointed to Katniss.

"Cato, I don't think she'd know, she looks like she's here with the vendors," Marvel said.

"I don't think Madge would like for us to get drunk, until after we have taken the pictures," the one with the warm blue eyes said.

"Peeta's right, Madge would have our arse if we looked drunk in those pictures," the bronzed one said.

"Come on, live a little, Finnick," Cato said. Turning to Katniss the one called Cato said, "You wouldn't happen to know where the drinks are would you?"

Katniss shook her head, she was a bundle of nerves, and she couldn't answer their simple question. She brushed by them entering the house, hoping she wouldn't have to speak to them. She took her sweater and tied it around her middle. Her hair was piled up into a messy bun. She was sweaty and tired, and she still needed to take a shower and put on the dress she was sure would not fit her.

Katniss felt like she always looked like a frumpy potato sack, even when she tried her best. To her embarrassment her cousin Gale had taken her to her winter formal dance when she was sixteen. It was her father's last wish. The dress her mother had secured her was a tiered silky pink ruffled dress with high lace collar and long sleeves that were also ruffled. It was one size too big, and the color was supposed to be pink but in the pictures, it looked brown.

"Are you sure you don't know where the drinks are?" Cato pulled out a stack of coins and asked, "I can make it worth your while?"

Katniss took a step back not knowing how to make these men know that she had no idea where they would keep the alcohol.

"See I told you she wouldn't know," Marvel said.

These were the times Katniss wished she had her bow and arrow. These entitled pricks always thought they had the right to objectify women and treat them like crap.

"Leave her alone Cato," Peeta said. "Look she's just trying to earn a living okay? Just leave her alone."

"Peeta's right," Finnick said.

"She probably doesn't speak English." Marvel then proceeded to shout, "HABLA ENGLISH! ENGLISH!"

"Come on, we're wasting our time," Cato said. "We better get back."

Katniss was glad they were leaving, Marvel and Cato were idiots. Money did not buy people class.

Peeta stayed behind, as he watched the guys move on to the other side of the room. They cornered one of the waiters. Peeta turned to Katniss, "I'm sorry about them. They're not even my friends. You did a great job."

"It's okay really," she said.

"They're real jerks. I guess that makes me a jerk too, but I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with guys like me, like us." He slipped his hand in his pocket and he looked full of energy as if uncomfortable.

"Thank you," Katniss said. She smiled politely. He was a nice guy and she wished that someone like him would one day pay attention to her. She knew that it was useless to want something like this. A gorgeous guy like him would never really pay attention to someone like her. She was the help in his eyes.

"So what…"

"There you are," Prim said, looking resplendent in a floor-length chiffon gown with open crisscross back and sweetheart neckline with spaghetti straps in a lovely peach shade. "Why aren't you dressed!"

Katniss was about to respond.

"Prim," Cato exclaimed.

"Cato, I didn't know you'd be one of the groomsmen," Prim said breathily.

Katniss rolled her eyes when she realized this was the guy Prim had saved in her phone contacts as Steak. She hung back.

"So…" Peeta said. "Do you work here or are you with the rental companies?"

Katniss cleared her throat, took a deep breath, and said, "No."

"Will you be at the wedding?"

Katniss nodded, her heart racing in her chest.

He smiled at her and Katniss swore time slowed down, like in the movies.

"Do you think you'll save a dance for me?"

Dumbfounded, Katniss stared into his eyes. She saw that he was a gentle soul. Katniss felt her cheeks heat up. He wanted to dance with her and that itself was a miracle. She gave him a crooked smile, unsure what to say. It figured she'd finally meet a guy when she looked and smelled her worst. He was in a tux, looking like a gift from the gods.

Before she could answer, her sister's head snapped to Katniss. She gave her a venomous look.

"So, I'll see you later?" Cato asked Prim.

Katniss glanced to her side wondering what she had done wrong.

Her sister giggled, before purring, "I've got to go, but I'll see you later." Her sister wrapped her hand around Katniss's arm and then dragged her away.

"Prim, would you mind slowing down," Katniss said as she was dragged to a corner. Katniss could see the guys from where she stood hidden in the shadows.

"You're not supposed to speak to anyone," her sister hissed.

What her sister said didn't make sense."Prim, I was…"

Prim pushed her away and pointed at her chest."Where have you been?"

Her tone denoted more of a demand than a question. "I've been working, while you and the rest of the girls were getting dressed."

"Madge…"

"Madge was the one who sent me down there to work."

"Madge would never do that," Prim huffed.

"You know I don't lie Prim."

"I don't believe you."

"When have I ever lied to you, Primrose? Besides, didn't you notice I wasn't there with you guys?"

"You know what, it doesn't matter. What does matter is the photographer is here to take pictures and here you are ruining Madge's day."

"I was only doing what she asked me to do." Katniss wished her sister would believe her. "Prim…"

"Instead of arguing you should be worried about getting ready. Though I doubt there is anything Cinna and his team can do to make you look better."

Katniss ignored her sister's insult, having an argument would be counterproductive. Her shoulders slumped, as she took a deep sigh. "Just point me to my room so that I can take a shower."

"Fine," Prim huffed.

Katniss followed Prim down a flight of stairs down a long corridor to a room far away from the rest of the guest's rooms. In fact, it wasn't even in the same wing. "Madge didn't want you disturbing everyone's fun this weekend," Prim smirked.

The room was smaller than her college dorm room. But at least it offered privacy. "Where is the bathroom?"

"It's in the hallway." Prim crossed her arms. "You'll be sharing it with the staff."

"Okay," Katniss said. It didn't matter; she was only going to be here a few days. "I can be ready in ten, fifteen max."

"You only have five minutes."

"Okay." Katniss was trying not to get annoyed by her sisters' curt responses. She opened her suitcase and took out her shower kit.

"Don't get upset. It's not my fault you don't have time, because you were wasting time downstairs."

"Prim I wasn't wasting time-"

"You know, Madge didn't even want you to be part of her bridal party. She knew you were going to do something to ruin her day. And she was right."

"Then why am I here?" Katniss asked, shocked and dismayed by her sister's vitriol. Her eyes watered up, but she tempered down her sadness.

"The only reason you're here is because Madge's father was a friend of his…"

"You mean our father, Prim, Jackson Everdeen."

At the mention of their father's name Prim's face became stormy.

That summer Katniss lived at home; Prim never mentioned their father. There were no pictures of their father in the house. In fact, Katniss noticed their mother had taken down any pictures of Katniss as well. Any time Katniss brought up their father, Prim became upset. Katniss tried to broach the subject with their mother, but their mother shut her down.

With rage Prim ground out, "He abandoned us."

"He was sick, Prim, for a long time. He fought to get better to stay alive. I don't know what lie you've told yourself but our father didn't want to die…he loved us."

"He wasn't even a father to me."

Katniss was going to respond but Madge and Glimmer came into the room. Madge was wearing a white robe with the word bride in pink crystals, and she also had a pink sash that said the same thing. Glimmer wore the same dress Prim was wearing except she wasn't wearing heels she was wearing fuzzy slippers. It was such a silly thing for Katniss to notice as she looked into Glimmer's steely eyes.

"Prim," Madge said, looking at Primrose with kindness. Her frosty eyes flickered to Katniss momentarily. "I came to get you. I'm about to put my dress on and I wanted you to be in the picture..." Madge said with compassion, "Primypooh, Are you okay?"

Prim stood there; her face twisted in anger. "No, I'm not! She always does this…like a dog with a bone."

Madge turned to Katniss and then spat, "I don't know why my father idolizes you. You're a freak of nature, you smell like dead things, you're fat, and you're not even that pretty."

Katniss opened her mouth and shut it. She turned to her sister, silently pleading for some sort of benevolence.

She didn't understand why her sister was so mean and caustic with her.

"That man messed up my mother. Fucked her up in the head! He was selfish. He filled mother's head with the life they would have. But in the end, all she did was suffer. Our mother could have married into a reputable family. A family with means, a name, like the Mellarks or the Johnstons. Mother had her choice of men to choose from, but she made one mistake. She got knocked up with her…" Prim pointed at Katniss. "She's just like him, ugly as fuck, and always ruining things!" Prim sneered at her with so much malice, Katniss was taken aback. "My mother regretted her life with that man. Regretted having you. She said she should've gotten rid of you when she had the chance!"

Katniss stood there numb. It was like being pelted in the face with a frozen snowball multiple times.

"I told you that she's a disaster," Glimmer said.

"Ladies," a gentle voice called from the doorway.

Katniss balled her hands trying to displace her pain and hurt into that part of her body so that they wouldn't be witnesses to her tears. Part of her acknowledged she should have stayed home, said no to Madge, and made an excuse. However, the drive to fix her relationship with her sister prompted her to say yes and come.

"Oh, Cinna!" Madge's tone of voice changed, and in an instant, the countenance of all three blondes changed from irate, to ambassadors of light and happiness. "What are you doing here?'

"I'm here to get Miss Everdeen ready," Cinna said calmly.

There was a woman with him, she had aqua-spiked hair and gold tattoos above her eyebrows. Her face did not belay the tension that had to be swirling in the room.

"I'm assuming you're Katniss?" Cinna asked.

Katniss nodded, she didn't expect Cinna to be so young for a man who'd already made a huge mark in the fashion industry. Even though she wasn't a fashionista, Katniss was aware of who Cinna was. He dressed one of her colleagues when their suit was ruined. Unlike the woman who stood next to him the only decoration he had was a thin gold line over his eyelids. He was dressed in an elegant black dress shirt with gold-colored buttons and crisply pleated pants. He glanced at Katniss and his smile was gentle, and his eyes were reassuring.

"Venia, tell the others to get everything ready," Cinna said.

Venia nodded.

"There's no need…I'm afraid plans have changed." Madge smiled thinly, but Venia didn't listen to Madge, she left.

"Oh," Cinna breathed out.

"I just don't have time for…besides you've dressed my cousin who I sent you the measurements for, she looks amazing in the dress. Plus, I'm sure, you don't have anything that will fit her."

"You know, your father was the one who made the request," Cinna said. "Mayor Undersea told me, it was important to him that Jack Everdeen's eldest be present in the wedding because he saved his life."

"My father?" Madge said.

"He did?" Prim questioned harshly.

Katniss had no idea, but it was a balsam to hear that her father was a good kind man, and not the monster Primrose painted him to be to Madge and the rest of the entourage.

"Yes," Cinna said, "He and your mother were excited that Miss Everdeen was the maid of honor."

"He did," Madge squeaked out.

"So, if you do not mind, I have to make sure your father's wishes are taken care of."

"I…" Madge stammered.

Cinna smiled.

"But she has no dress!"

"Do not worry, I will make sure your pictures are wonderful. Also, Caesar Flickerman is here."

"Caesar Flickerman!" Madge squealed.

"Upon my invitation, he came to interview you and your family," Cinna said charmingly. "Your wedding is the event of the season. You are, after all, marrying a Highbottom."

"OMG, Caesar Flickerman," Glimmer exclaimed. "My mother loves him!"

Katniss wasn't sure what was going on.

"You're needed downstairs," Cinna said, winking at Katniss. "Caesar is going to set up his cameras in the bridal suite so that he can have footage of you in your dress."

"Madge, forget about her," Glimmer urged. "You have to be camera perfect."

Madge turned to Prim, "I want you to be there for the interview."

"Of course, you're going to be famous," Prim said.

Madge turned to Cinna, "Thank you so much." She turned to Katniss and her face soured. "There isn't enough magic to make her look good, but if you can do something to make her less embarrassing that would be wonderful."

Madge, Glimmer, and Prim left in a hurry.

Katniss expelled the breath she was holding.

"I'm sorry," Katniss apologized; she never intended to cause problems.

"I heard everything," Cinna said quietly.

"Oh." She was mortified that strangers had heard everything. It was one thing to be known as the black sheep of the family, it was another to have it be known to strangers. Especially important ones.

"I am going to make you look resplendent," Cinna promised.

"You don't have to, I'm not going down there." The words were thick in her throat as it closed up with emotion.

"No, don't let them win," Cinna said. "Don't let your sister treat you like that."

"But, she…" Katniss stammered as the tears she'd been battling slipped from her eyes.

"She's a bratty bitch," Cinna said. "I've met plenty of girls like her, however, I've not met a woman like you…Mayor Undersee told me how you kept your family afloat after your father died. He told me how you are the one who is paying for your sister's education, and still sending your mother a part of your paycheck. The Mayor is very proud of you, he showed me the articles you've written, and the accolades you've received."

Katniss bit the bottom of her lip to keep from balling.

"I also heard the way you worked downstairs, pitching in…" Cinna said. "You're quite admirable."

"How?"

"My friend Portia was supposed to be downstairs doing the decorations. Her plane was late, when she arrived she said she saw you handling things. You're unique, and if they could remove the stick out of their asses they'd be able to see it."

"I'm not…" Katniss was going to say she wasn't worthy, but Cinna spoke over her words.

"You are," Cinna gently smiled.

"Thank you for your kind words," Katniss sighed. She blinked and then taking a tissue from her pocket blew her nose.

"No need," Cinna said. "Just leave that behind, I have everything you need."

Katniss blinked, she believed him and left her shower kit behind. She blindly followed Cinna. Part of her wanted to run and hide. The small hope Katniss held to possibly fix her relationship fizzled. Once more she felt unloved and an outsider.

When she arrived in his suite of rooms, his assistants were all ready for her. "Everyone I'm guessing you heard what this brilliant young lady has been put through."

Venia smiled and her eyes sparkled, as she approached. "We're going to make you look better than the bride. And when this weekend is over, everyone is going to love you!"

Katniss swallowed, the fiercely determined look in the eyes of the group of people, it made her tremble. No one had ever looked at her that way. Even though she was fantastic in her field she never attended social events. Katniss was terrified to be called a phony.

"Trust me?" Cinna said.

Katniss nodded. Instantly she was whisked away to the bathroom that was twice the size of her apartment bedroom. For the rest of the time she was soaked in luxurious scented water, buffed, polished, perfumed, and peeled. The peeling wasn't great but her skin had never been softer.

She sat in a chair, her hair in a towel having lost track of time.

"What do you want to do with her Cinna?" Venia asked.

"With those eyes, smokey and dangerous," Flavius said.

"I think we should keep it basic," Cinna said, tipping her chin up. "Amplify her classic beauty," Cinna said.

Katniss couldn't believe that Cinna was saying she was beautiful. Physically she wasn't pretty but Katniss knew in the woods, she shone like a diamond.

"Oh yes," Octavia breathed. "She's such an exotic beauty, we can play up her eyes, and her skin tone. Ugh…I wish I had your olive skin tone."

"You think I'm pretty?" Katniss blurted.

They laughed.

"You really don't know do you?" Venia said.

"You're a treasure!" Flavius exclaimed. "You are so gorgeous you make all of the girls ripe with jealousy."

Venia added, "And you have a banging bod!"

"I always thought…" Katniss didn't finish her sentence, instead, she peered at her reflection. The pert nose, the weird color of eyes, the extra weight. She was forever comparing her darker skin to her mother's and Prim's fair one.

"Did you bring contacts?" Venia asked.

"Yes, Madge said I should," Katniss said. "It's in my shower kit, but I left it on the bed."

"Kist," Venia said to her assistant. "Go get all of her stuff."

"Sure thing," Kist said.

"Well young lady, it's time to get your hair done," Flavius said.

Katniss watched as Flavius quickly transformed her thick straight dark locks into bouncy waves of perfection. He parted her hair to the side and then explained he was giving her a relaxed finger wave. Her hair looked fantastic.

After putting on her contacts Venia applied her makeup as Octavia finished up her nails. Katniss wasn't allowed to look at herself while they worked on her face. When they finished Cinna held out the dress. It left her speechless.

"What do you think?"

"Cinna's it's your best design to date," Venia breathed.

The dress looked like a soft sunset. It was a floor-length strapless gown with silk organza draped over one shoulder creating a small cape.

"Are those polka dots made from fabric?" Katniss asked.

"Actually, tiny crystals were woven into little pockets throughout the dress so that when it moves," Cinna said, moving the gown. "It glitters."

Katniss gasped as the dress shimmered in the light.

"She's going to look like a Grecian goddess," Flavius whispered.

"Let's get you dressed," Cinna said.

The dress slipped over her head and within moments she was ready. Katniss wondered what she looked like. They didn't have time to do a reveal because Madge was calling.

"Just trust me you look amazing," Cinne said, winking at her. Katniss nodded and stood straighter feeling it. The dress felt amazing, softer than her favorite cotton tee-shirt.

Cinna leaned in close and whispered into her ear, "It might hurt but sometimes you have to cut the toxic people from your life."

Katniss looked at him wide-eyed. She could never cut her sister out of her life. She was so alone and having her sister and her mother even if it was hurtful made her feel part of a family.

"Ready?" Cinna said.

Lifting her chin in the air Katniss nodded and followed them downstairs.

She could hear the women talking and laughing as they were congregated by the doors. None noticed her and for once Katniss didn't care.

"Katniss Everdeen," Mayor Undersea said, coming forward with his wife.

"You look wonderful," Roberta Undersea said.

"Thank you Mrs. Undersea," Katniss said. Roberta was Edward Undersea's second wife. Madge's mother passed away a few years ago due to a botched-up plastic surgery accident. She was smart and it was well known that Madge and her stepmother didn't get along.

"I am so happy Madge had the sense to put you as her maid of honor," Mayor Undersea said. "Come and see me. I want to introduce you to a few people here. They've read your articles and want to meet the young lady who is making our world a better place."

"Thank you, sir," Katniss said.

"Oh Peeta, have you met the young lady you are going to walk down the aisle with?" Roberta said, pulling the blond man from before. Katniss could feel her cheeks warming up at the sight of him.

"Uh hi again," Peeta stammered.

"Again?" Roberta said grinning.

"Well she was helping out before," Peeta said pointing to the outdoors.

"Of course, she was," Mayor Undersea said. "That's the type of lovely young lady she is, Muriel," he called over to someone.

A woman with a dour face and critical blue eyes came over. "This is Jack Everdeen's oldest. This is Katniss."

Muriel's face turned wide with surprise. "Oh, she's the one that saved us all of that money."

"Mom," Peeta said.

"Shut up, boy. This is the type of woman I wanted for one of your brothers, not one of those bottle died blondes with the botox-injected faces. I read your article on how to save money while going green. We saved millions because of that article."

Katniss hid her smile.

"Mom," Peeta said. "She's the girl who I'm supposed to be…"

"Don't lose sight of her, she's a peach," Muriel said. "I shudder to think of you with that Glitter girl."

Mayor Undersea laughed, "Muriel we'll do lunch next week. Catch up on that golf game?"

"Why not? You'll lose," Muriel said. Turning to her son she said, "Now just stand there, give her a compliment Peeta."

"Mom," Peeta looked at her. "She's right…I mean you're gorgeous and I'd like to know if you'd go out with me this weekend?" Peeta said, rushing through his words.

"Really?"

"He's the best of the Mellarks," Roberta whispered to Katniss encouragingly.

"Well you don't have to say yes, but I just thought you should know that I also think you're also amazing. She fixed the decor earlier this afternoon."

"They had you working?" Mayor Undersee asked.

"I was helping out," Katniss said softly.

"You were the only one. I can't even tell you where the other bridesmaids were," Peeta said.

"Father, Father…" Madge called out.

"Madge dear," Mayor Undersea greeted.

Madge's lips were thinned. Despite her unpleasant attitude, Madge looked gorgeous in her princess-cut cathedral-length ball gown. It looked like she had sparkly white coral motifs on her dress. Cinna had done an extraordinary job on her gown. It was masterful, it made her look regal. "You cannot expect me to have…that woman in my wedding party."

"Now Madge," Mayor Undersee began.

"Father, I have to tolerate having her here, but now my pictures will be ruined. I mean have you seen her, she's an unattractive troll."

"Madge," her father said.

"Why can't cousin Mavey take her place, she is after all family?" Madge argued.

Katniss realized Madge didn't recognize her and she decided to keep quiet and see what happened.

"Madge, you will do what your father wants," Roberta said, and winked at Katniss. She too had come to the same conclusion as Katniss. "He is paying for this entire affair after all."

Katniss could see Madge formulating the all too familiar you're not my mother when her father cut her off.

"I told you. I did not agree with you marrying that young man, but you wanted him. So out of love, I have done all of this. However, per our agreement, Highbottom signed an ironclad prenuptial agreement. And you were to have Katniss as your maid of honor and Prim as a bridesmaid."

"But…at least Prim is presentable. My pictures will be fine with her in the back…but Katniss…" Madge looked and finally spotted Katniss.

Katniss was sure Madge would recognize her.

"Ugh, I'd rather have this woman here. She's better looking than Katniss. She will even look good standing next to Peeta."

Muriel snickered.

"Madge," her father opened his mouth and shut it, he gave Katniss an apologetic smile.

"Fine," Madge ground out. She huffed away her gown, nearly knocking down the easel with an image of her and her fiance.

"Just like her mother," Muriel muttered.

Roberta chuckled.

"I am sorry for my daughter's rude behavior." The Mayor rubbed his face. "It's my fault for spoiling her after her mother's death."

"People do funny things while grieving," Katniss replied.

"You know it was me who introduced your father and mother. He was so brilliant, like you. I was lucky to have known him."

"And if not for you, I wouldn't have married Peeta's father," Muriel said.

Gentle music began to play. A sign for all of the guests to go to their seats.

"I think I better grab my seat. Remember Peeta don't let this one out of your sight," Muriel said to Peeta.

"I think I'll join you. Edward honey, you better join Madge I think they're about to start." Roberta left with Muriel. Mayor Undersee walked away to find his daughter.

Peeta glanced around, his face was red. "I'm sorry I thought you were an employee…I didn't know you were that Katniss."

"How many Katniss's do you know?" The cheeky words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"Not many," Peeta chuckled.

"So how long have you known the groom?"

"To be honest the only guy I know is Finnick. He's in the fraternity that my brother went to. I've known those guys but never really hung out with them. Truthfully I think they picked me because I'll look good in the pictures."

Katniss found herself laughing.

"Honestly I'm glad the pictures are over with. I think after this I'm going to get a ticket and go back home."

"Why?"

"I'm not wanted here. I'm not going to stick around to be around people who don't like me."

"What if one of those people were your sibling?" The question slipped out of Katniss's mouth before she could even stop them.

"I overheard the way your sister spoke to you. You were only trying to help out the bride, not ruin her day. If anything without you the decor wouldn't have been finished."

"You heard all of that," Katniss felt her face become heated. It was embarrassing for her to know others had heard her sister's demeaning words.

"My older brother was that way. I love him but we don't get along. He disapproved of everything I did. I had to walk away."

Peeta's words were like a revelation to her. Her eyes found her sister. She loved her baby sister with every bone in her body but at the moment their relationship was toxic to Katniss. The words Primrose had spoken about their father hurt. The way Prim perceived Katniss hurt. Katniss looked up at Peeta.

"I learned a long time ago that family doesn't have to be blood-related," Peeta said.

Her sister threw her head back and laughed. It was a girlish yet feminine laugh intended to allure Cato. Cinna's words came to her in that instance. Both men were correct. As she watched Prim flirt with a tipsy Cato it dawned on Katniss that her sister was no longer a defenseless little girl. She was an adult.

Her mother was an adult.

They were all adults and her mother and sister didn't need her as much as she needed them. Katniss wanted more out of life. She wanted to feel safe again like when her dad was alive. She wanted that sense of family. Peeta was right she didn't have to be related to someone to call them family.

Prim was able to care for herself. Cato leaned over and whispered something in her sister's ears and her sister gave him a lusty look. Cato grinned and as he leaned back he nearly tripped over Finnick.

"Finn, you're cramping my style…" Cato looked flushed and his eyes were a little watery.

Marvel handed Cato a flask and the man drank from it and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Both of them chuckled. As they took more swigs from the flask. Marvel and Cato were clearly intoxicated.

"Marvel, Cato please find your partners," The wedding planner said. She was a redhead that looked like a fox. She wore sensible low-heeled shoes as she briskly put everyone in order.

She hovered over the group, her eyes quickly darted from looking at the tablet and looking about wildly at the group assembled.

"Peeta, would you happen to know where I can find Katniss Everdeen," the woman asked as soon as she reached them.

"I'm Katniss." Katniss said.

"Oh, I thought you were…well they said you…" The woman stammered.

"You thought I was ugly?" Katniss prompted.

"The way the bride described you…" she stammered then she took a deep breath. "We need you and Peeta to be ready to walk. I'll give you a signal to line up in front of the doors and then you march down the aisle."

Katniss smiled.

"Alright everyone please take your places," the woman shouted.

The procession began and Katniss watched a stately couple make their way through the doors. Katniss hung back as she watched the harried wedding planner try to wrangle the bridal party and the groomsmen. Katniss watched as her sister left with a drunk Cato followed by the other bridesmaids. It was finally her turn.

Katniss put her hand over Peeta's arm before taking a deep breath. There was a brief flicker of recognition as Prim recognized Katniss. Her sister's look was glacial, to say the least. Katniss stood waiting for the bride unaware of the appreciative glances she was getting from the groomsmen.

Madge floated down the aisle and did not pay any attention to Katniss; Madge was too busy hamming it up for the cameras and the audience. When the ceremony was over Katniss was glad that the reception was followed immediately by the cocktail hour and the dinner. They were waiting for the meals and Katniss was starving.

The meals were late and so the dance floor had opened up and people were dancing, and the drinks were flowing. Cato and Marvel were getting progressively louder. Waiters were walking around with small little hors d'oeuvres.

Mr. Undersea had been introducing Katniss around the room. She had more business cards in her hand than there were flowers in Madge's bouquet. Katniss saw a waiter with a silver platter loaded with bacon-wrapped scallops.

"I wouldn't eat those if I were you," Peeta said by her side.

Katniss turned around to ask why not when she saw that he had a slider in his hand. "Unless you're willing to lose some fingers I suggest you move that away from my face."

"Actually this is for you," Peeta offered.

"Oh, you're my hero," Katniss snatched the slider and with two bites it was gone.

"Katniss," Mayor Undersea called her.

"Hide me," Katniss whispered.

"Tell you what, I'll go get you food. Talk to the Mayor then meet me by the ice sculpture of Madge."

"As long as the food doesn't make me sick I'll eat anything," Katniss said.

"I'll take it you're not one of those salad queens."

"Either you cough up a salad or stop talking. I'm about to go outside and munch on the grass."

Peeta laughed. "Point taken."

"Katniss," the Mayor waived her over.

Katniss watched another waiter walk by.

"Trust me I get you the food." He winked and said, "I'll see you soon."

Katniss was headed to the mayor when a waiter got close. She was about to get an hors d'oeuvres when she was pulled back. Prim pulled her into a room where Madge was with the other girls.

"What are you doing wearing that!" Prim whispered furiously.

"Are you trying to upstage the bride?" Glimmer accused.

"Yeah," Cashmere said narrowing her eyes.

This was a little too reminiscent of every movie where the Cinderella character was confronted by the antagonists. Over the years it could be the evil stepsisters, the mean co-workers, the popular 'it' crowd, or the disappointed family members. Katniss stood straight; she wasn't going to be beaten down.

"I'm not going to justify your behavior by letting you beat up on me. I've done nothing wrong. Madge congratulations on your nuptials. I hope you have a pleasant life and that you will never need the prenuptial agreement your father put in place. Primrose, I think it's time you grow up. I love you but I've been killing myself paying for your expenses and your education and all I seem to get from you is rotten vitriol. It's time for you to grow up. I'm not paying for your education or your lifestyle."

"Doesn't matter, mom will take care of me."

"Our mother. She can't afford it," Katniss "You're such a big fat liar. Mom…"

"Why would I lie? Do the math. Numbers do not lie. Mother hasn't worked in years. Where do you think she gets the money?" Katniss felt no victory at her words but they were truthful and were coming from a place where she put herself first for once.

"From her family. Our grandfather left her a small inheritance."

"Oh Primrose, there is no inheritance. It's been me…" Katniss wondered what lies her mother had put inside Primrose's head. "I've been the one sending money home. The one who has paid for your education, and the one who has spoiled you rotten. It's time that I stopped and let you be an adult."

"I don't believe you," Primrose spat.

"Don't," Made said. "She's only doing this because she's jealous. Jealous of you, of me, of how hot I am."

Katniss smirked, "Right."

"The only reason you're here is because of my father. I think it's time you left. Glimmer, call security. I don't want this riff-raff in my wedding."

It didn't matter at this point. Katniss was ready to leave.

The door to the room opened, and Peeta walked in. The music blasted in, and there was shouting. The room became quiet when Peeta shut the door. "Hey there you are, I was looking for you." Peeta took a look around the room, "Are you alright?"

"Yep." Katniss felt lighter than in years. She smiled at Peeta. "I was about to leave."

Peeta offered her his arm and she gratefully took it.

"Oh Madge, I forgot to tell you. You need to go speak to Cato and Marvel. They're trying to hit on the officiant's wife."

"What?" Madge said.

Peeta opened the door and there was Cato and Marvel grinding against Madge's ice sculpture.

"No!" Madge screeched as she got up and walked out with her group. Prim wouldn't look Katniss in the face.

Katniss felt a stab of pain in her heart. At this moment she wouldn't cry, she'd save that for private time. Peeta put his hand on hers and gently squeezed.

"One day your sister is going to see that her friends are not supportive and she's going to regret this moment."

"I know but it still hurts. I love her so much," Katniss said.

There was a loud yell and both looked out of the door to see Madge falling into her cake. Marvel and Cato were on the table laughing as the only thing that could be seen was her red-bottomed shoes sticking out from a mountain of cake.

"I think this is our cue to leave," Katniss said.

As he walked with her out of the room Peeta turned to her and said. "I know this is going to sound very douchey. But I flew here with my mother. She's got her bags already packed and ready to leave. I wouldn't mind giving you a ride home or having you forever with me. Did I say there was a bounty of food aboard my plane? I have cheese buns."

"That is quite the request?"

"So I take it forever, is off the table?"

"I didn't say it wasn't…" Katniss was contemplating what a cheese bun was.

"Okay, so I got my swan chance?"

"Swan?" Katniss frowned as they walked across the reception to exit. Peeta pulled her into a dance. From the distance, she saw Mayor Undersee nod at her

"You know a story without a name, this is our meet cute…"

Katniss laughed. This was her Swan story.

The End….

Epilogue Sort of…

Katniss sat aboard Peeta's private plane. After the wedding, Katniss and Peeta started dating. They were going out for a few months. Katniss had never been so happy. She missed her sister and mother, but she knew they had to learn to defend themselves and learn to live on their own two feet.

"Are we ready," Peeta's father said, clasping his hands and walking into the cockpit.

Peeta and his father were going to fly his mother and father on a small vacation in another district. She bit into one of the flaky morsels of bread. The fragrance of the melting cheese and herbs made her mouth water as she moaned. This was her third one.

"Good huh," Muriel said.

"I'd marry your son for just these," Katniss said with her mouth full of food.

"I think that can be arranged," Muriel said.

Katniss's eyes widened. "Um…"

"Mom," Peeta said as he walked on board.

"She's a good girl, and smart to boot," Peeta's father yelled from the co-pilot's seat.

"My husband is right, plus, I need some intelligent grandbabies."

"MOM! DAD!" Peeta exclaimed. His face was red.

Muriel smiled and waved the plate in front of her face. "He made them from scratch."

Peeta gave his mother that please-stop-look before saying, "I wanted to have something to eat on the flight. I was nervous about the trip."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Katniss felt guilty. "I'm eating your food."

"No don't worry, I don't mind," Peeta grinned, taking one from her hand. "Just save me one or two."

"Don't worry Everdeen…you can keep your name if you want…I just want a grandbaby, in return."

"MOM!" Peeta exclaimed.

Peeta turned to her his hand rubbing his neck, his face red, "Don't…listen…unless you know… that forever thing…that's still on the table."

Katniss grinned. "If you promised to make me cheese buns, I'll take it into consideration."

Muriel laughed. "I told you she's a keeper from the get-go, I don't know what you're waiting for."

"Mom, please…"

Katniss couldn't help chuckling. Peeta and his family were always this way. His mother was right, though about the women his brothers married. Those women were only interested in the money, that's why they were not invited.

Peeta was going to head for the cockpit when his mother winked at Katniss but addressed Peeta. "Son, why don't I fly with your father? You come back here and get to know this lovely girl, entertained."

"Are you sure?'

"I don't mind, besides this'll be a bonding time for your father and me, and your dad gets a thrill when I fly." His mother saucily said.

"I think I need my ears checked. Do you know if it's possible for that memory to be erased?"

Katniss laughed. As Peeta leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. "I've been dying to do that all morning."

"Mmmm…" Katniss hummed contentedly.

"Sorry about my mom and her pushing for a wedding and a grandbaby."

"No need, she's just trying to take care of you."

"I just wish they'd let me woo you on my own," Peeta said.

"You're doing just fine, wooing me," Katniss said.

"I am?" He grinned.

"You are, and if you keep me feeding me I won't even notice the wedding."

Peeta laughed. "Alright duly noted. Just remember this moment when I propose. Because forever is on the table for us."

Katniss settled back with her plate, like a dragon hoarding a golden treasure. Her swan story was a beautiful one.

#A Swan Story #Swan Story #A Story without a name #Mega-AuLover #Ficlet #Katniss Everdeen #Peeta Mellark #Primrose Everdeen #Cato #Marvel #Madge Undersea #Cinna #Poria #Mayor Undersea #Mrs. Undersea #Mrs. Mellark #Everlark Fanfiction #Modern AU

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fictive-culture · 11 months

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(Not fictive culture ask) What rant did ypu wanna go on about fictives from problematic sources? /genq

!!!!

Okay SO! When it comes to fictives problematic sources basically don't fucking matter. Like if someone is an avid harry potter fan yea that is shitty. However if someone has a harry potter introject and that is the only information you have you can not assume the same of them as you would a harry potter fan.

They could have been a fan when they were a kid and either introjected them then, or since the memory exists within them, they can't just forget everything about the source. The brain decided to introject them later. Even if they are non traumagenic you don't know how or when they got introjected and if they are still a fan of that source today.

By all means, if a source is triggering to you or makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to interact with them, but you can't make it their problem. Simply block them because unless you can easily see they are still a fan of and support the source, the only way to figure out how they got a fictive is to ask incredibly invasive questions and make people defend themselves by talking about their trauma or their past self which no one is entitled to.

Also, this isn't fictive specific, but liking a source doesn't even always automatically mean they're a horrible person. Jk bitch has irreversibly ruined her books but if the books were really important to someones childhood and they just talk about it amongst friends or keep a couple pieces of merch they bought before they learned she was awful to hold on to the good memories. They aren't a bad person? Burning or throwing their merch away isn't going to take the money back from her. If they don't support her and don't buy the merch, don't watch the movies they aren't really doing anything wrong. If you do throw your stuff out because it makes you uncomfortable, that's valid but if you put on a big show of it it's kind of just performative hating the show more than showing care and support for all the people she is against. Just don't be a clown and put your hogwarts house in your description, or people are gonna assume you support her.

People still read and enjoy the various stories by Lovecraft and he was awful. People still watch marvel movies when so much is wrong with various directors and actors.

For a lot but not all things you have to learn how to consume things critically, or you are going to end up being unable to watch anything because at least one person in it's creation was awful or at least one part was kind of problematic. And if it's all or nothing it's going to be so hard for you to tell apart good and bad people. There are probably moms out there that go to pride give out water bottles, free mom hugs and supports her queer kids to the moon and back but obsesses over hp and knits inspired blankets. She's not a bad person she's probably just confused and old.

I hope even like half of this makes sense and I just used HP since basically everyone knows what it is I thought it was neat for like half a year when I was 15

TLDR: Fictives ≠ supporting the source and they don't owe you how they formed. Problematic sources are 98% of the time not even worth 100% canceling you just need to learn to consume things critically.

#not fictive culture #even though i said people dont owe you their origins we like talking about ourselves so feel free to send our main asks if you want info on #any of our sources (main because id feel bad filling this blog with not related content)

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wwtneosay-archived · 2 years

Text

For You? pt.1

series masterlist lies here

The pairing is Mark x Y/n x Haechan but literally all of 127 is mentioned, I was feeling a little bit obnoxious… No Sungchan mailman feature tho, if you guys are good maybe he’ll make an appearance next time ;)

Synopsis: childhood bffs turned superstars, within their years of success the bond of friendship has never been broken, outings to let loose are vital in order to withstand the pressures of being a celebrity. What will happen when you unintentionally push your body’s limits on a night out?

Word Count: 11.5K

The story has got it all; love triangle, eventual smut like… yeah , fluff, angst, heavy dialogue can be expected, also its multi-pov! I feel the need to mention that this story does not pass the Bechdel test..Oops! Mark’s residing in simp city and Haechan is, well, himself… but maybe you like that mix? Read below the cut to find out!

Authors Note: My first ever series haha… Had a lot of fun writing this ngl, like fully cracking up at some parts… yeahhhh I kinda love build up so there’s definitely a bit of background before you get to the dirty stuff, what can i say? I like to paint a pretty picture. But seriously , let me know what you thought :)

Here’s a small excerpt to coax you into reading it lmao <3 :

He retracts his head from the side of your body to take a look at your pretty face. The pleasure he gets from watching you snap out of his trance in real time scratches his ego in just the right spot, he tilts his head slightly as a cheeky grin envelopes his features, “You were so bold in the car, why are you acting so shy all of a sudden?”

You know, you wish you could say something, anything, to convince him his actions were not having an effect on you, but the alcohol has definitely dulled your wits. You go for the option that first comes to mind, playing it off… Yeah, that’ll do it..

Whatever is left of his spell wears off because you’re finally able to look him in the eyes again, “Oh please, I’m an entertainer! I had an audience to please”, you scoff, waving him off.

Yeah that should buy me enough time to build my defenses back up, you think.

You clearly miss the glint in his eyes before he leans into you once more,

“I’m your audience now, so how about you please me?”

*bzzt*

Markly [10:45]: yoo u got five minutes, we’re on our way now.

The boy’s always had a handful to deal with whenever promotion season came up, to be completely honest you tried your best to avoid them this time around, the prospect of possibly adding more stress onto them doesn’t sit right with you, instead you preferred to cheer them on from the sidelines, sending coffee trucks or meals whenever an important date came up. It was your personal way of being there, offering that little dose of encouragement that everyone requires.

Luckily for you, promos don’t last forever, in this case they had ended about a week ago, no more appearances or hours of grueling practice, your friends would finally be back in your grasp.

You’re happy for them, that no one could deny, but it still hurts keeping a distance from the people you cherish the most. God, good thing this ends tonight, you’d been needing to blow off some steam.

Your ears prick up at the sound of tires rubbing over the gravel, you quickly finish up any last moment touch ups and Mark's text serves as your final queue to make your way outside.

Markly [10:50]: outside :)

Man, you would've never thought that seeing a pair of silver vans outside your house would bring you so much joy. You briskly make your way to one of the tinted vehicles, the door automatically opens and you are greeted with roars of cheers, if you didn’t know any better you would’ve assumed their favorite sports team just scored a goal, you don't mind it at all, in fact, you think they could be louder. You echo their enthusiasm, taking in each of their smiling faces before shimmying into your seat, you appreciate that they always left the seat closest to the door empty for you, makes things a whole lot easier, you know?

Their chauffeur (manager lmao) makes sure that everyone’s buckled up before pulling out of your place.

Questions immediately begin to bounce off the walls of the small van, “hey how’ve you been!? I feel like I haven't seen you in a minute..” Mark ponders, a warm smile gracing his features.

Haechan quickly chimes in without missing a beat, “She always disappears during promotions, have you guys just noticed?”

The members look back at him all at once, their faces show that they’re calculating the math, then they turn to look at you. The sudden attention kind of catches you off guard, damn, busted..

Before anyone has a chance to question, you rely on your wits to help you change the subject , “Awww Haechan… I didn't know you kept tabs on me, do you really like me that much?”, a smug grin is plastered across your face. Yeah, this should do it..

You’ve never seen Haechan’s eyes widen like that, his lips pucker into a small “o” as his gaze remained fixed on you. The members waste no time to point out his expression, you let out a cackle as you soak in his flustered face.

He attempts to summon his composure, when that fails he rolls his eyes instead, scoffing at your seemingly ridiculous statement, “Pffft, in your dreams.”

You mentally applaud yourself for not being on the receiving end of Haechan’s playful taunts for once, you can't deny that your ego is soaring right now. So this is why he behaves the way he does..

You lower your eyes, glaring at him as the left side of your lips curl into a smile, “Yeah, ok, sure.. I’ll pretend to believe you..” He lets out a breathy, almost silent chuckle as his tongue pokes against his cheek, it seems as if he can’t bear to hold eye contact with you any longer because he turns to face the window.

Haechan, giving up? Huh…

This sudden dominance, or whatever it is you have over him is quite amusing to say the least…

You take his silent surrender as a queue to move on.

Laughter and jokes continue to resonate in the van as you all fill each other in on any random moments that have accumulated in the past couple of months, nothing is off limits. It's nice to hear their voices again, you always appreciated that no matter how long you spent time apart from them, you were able to pick things up like it was nothing, it’s one of the luxuries of having long standing childhood friends that you often relished in.

A couple of minutes of catching up go by, you begin to notice the familiar billboards so you take it upon yourself to ask if everyone’s ready for tonight, and their faces light up in response, Johnny is the first to speak, “Hell yeah man, it's been so long.”

He was right, they've been busy for a consecutive couple of months now, they deserve to let loose.

Your eyes scan the streets to gauge the liveliness of the night, before you know it you’ve finally made it to your destination, an exclusive club in Hongdae. Security and confidentiality was what made the place so appealing to celebrities. Here, they were able to fully experience their 20’s without having to worry about public scrutiny.

The car comes to a stop and a symphony of clicks are heard as the members move to open the doors. Their faces are quickly met with the brisk air slamming into their cheeks. As everyone makes their way out of the car you take your time to admire the way the tips of everyone’s noses have slightly pinkened thanks to the cold. You’re snapped out of it as you hear your name being called, you whip your head to the other van and see the rest of the members. You’re greeted by Taeil first, “Hey y/n! It’s been a while, huh? Glad you’re back.”, you immediately smile and reach out for a big hug, partially because you missed him and partially to get rid of the cold that was beginning to envelop your body.

Taeyong decides to skip out on these types of outings since he’s not much of a drinker, and Doyoung would much rather spend his time surrounded by peace and quiet, so naturally Johnny steps in as today’s leader. He gathers everyone just outside the doors of the van, making sure to get a headcount before you make your way into the club. You take your time to greet the members that had been in the other van, making sure to congratulate them on their steady success with the recent album and their stages.

Once Johnny makes sure everyone is accounted for, you all head towards the entrance. Today the club was bustling, you could tell by the amount of people drifting on the sidewalk, some crouching down puking, others having a smoke break, believe it or not, they all seem to be enjoying themselves.

As you approach the main entrance, the two bouncers share a look and immediately unhook the velvet ropes. Jungwoo laughs as one of the bulky men breaks his stoic expression, “Y/N?? I haven’t seen you all in a while!! Have a round on me, I'll let the bartender know, Have fun tonight, ok?” He says with a wink. The boys cheer as you lean closer to him to give your thanks “Heeey, thanks Manny I’ll have to make it up to you some other time!”. How cool of him...

You obviously weren’t going to take him up on his offer, I mean if it was one drink sure, but a round of shots for 8 people? That's pushing it honestly.. Instead, you make sure to let the bartender know to put whatever he got tonight on your tab, yeah that's fair, he’s always been so nice to you and the boys anyways, so why not?

—

As you make it past the main entrance you can immediately feel the bass reverberating off the walls. Once you all reach the end of the dimly lit hallway, you can feel the anticipation beginning to rise, Johnny turns around to take a look at all of you “Lady and Gentlemen, let the fun begin…” He says as he pushes open the thick steel door.

Colorful lights splash against every surface, no matter where you look, something seems to be going on. Your vantage point offers a view of the entire club. You’re greeted by a pool of bodies floating around the dance floor, you place your hands on the balcony rails as you soak in your surroundings. You feel a hand being set down on your own, your eyes scan the limb upwards to find that it’s Yuta, he doesn’t say anything but just raises his eyebrows and gives his signature smile, you mimic his expressions and begin to follow him as he leads you to the section, the rest of the boys followed suit.

They’re greeted with every step they take, “Congratulations!” and “Long time no see’s” are being spewed at them left and right. You slowly begin to loosen your grasp on Yuta’s hand as you notice the way people have immediately flocked to them. He gives you a light squeeze, nodding a small “no” to indicate refusal of your actions. You return the squeeze, leaning into his ear to try to overcome the thumping music, “It’s okay! I’ll go set up the drinks, meet us at the table when you’re done!!” He concedes, letting go of your hand watching you make your way through the crowd to your guys’ section. When he notices that Mark trails you he allows himself to take his eyes off of you.

You successfully make your way into the section, pleased to see that your request had been fulfilled, 8 shots were placed in a semi circle on the glass table, ready to be gulped down. You took the time to call beforehand to make sure the bar had all the members favorite liquor in stock, and they even took the time to prep them like this, huh, you can see why you guys keep coming back. There was no need for labels on the shot glasses, each member had their specific tastes so it was easy to differentiate them. Don Julio, Fireball, Jose Cuervo, Jack, Jameson, etc… Some were questionable to say the least, but hey, it’s what they like…

As you’re looking down at the table, you hear a sudden “BOO!” accompanied by fingers nudging into your shoulders. You know, after all these years you’d think Mark would’ve given up on his attempts to scare you but that doesn’t seem to be the case, he still tries his hardest even though he’s met with failure Every. Single. Time. But hey, that’s Mark’s charm.

Dang, you really missed his little antics.

You bring your hands to your heart, dramatically feigning your recovery from the so-called “scare”. Once he giggles at your reaction you offer him a snack, ones graciously provided by the club. He scans the small basket, it's like watching a kid raid their candy bag after a night out trick-or-treating. You notice the way his eyes glimmer as he identifies the watermelon sour patch kids, and you can’t help the smile that grows on your face.

He shoves a few in his mouth before he notices he didn’t offer you any so he extends his hand out, shaking the bag to signal you to get some. You place your palm out and he dumps a few into your hand. The small action momentarily fills you with nostalgia, they taste like the past, you mean that in the best way possible.

You two take the time to catch up while snacking on the candy, your brain absorbs every little detail that spills past his lips. Talking to someone is one thing, but talking to Mark has always been a breath of fresh air, you can't explain it, he gives every word such importance, you can't help but be captivated.

After minutes filled with laughter and him filling you in on his recent activities, you begin to feel a bit thirsty, so you ask if he’s down for a lil pregame shot while you two wait on the other members to make their ways to the section, he happily indulges you, moving towards the bar cart thats a few steps away, “Your favorite, right?”

He doesn’t waste time waiting for you to answer because he already knows what your response is gonna be. One of the things you had in common was your love for sweet liquor, because why would anyone willingly subject their throat to that burn..

A golden colored liquid makes its way into two empty shot glasses, its saccharine scent could be smelt from steps away. Once he fills the glasses, he hands one off to you, you decide on dedicating this first round to him, looking him in the eyes as you begin to speak, “To your hard work and efforts on the new album, just know that it never goes unnoticed, and please know that you can always count on me to be there for you whenever you need me to be, I'm proud of you dude.”

It's funny, he meets your eyes then dodges your gaze mid toast, it seems he found comfort in looking at the floor instead. You decide on not questioning it, his expression is one of content after all. You find it more amusing to tease him a bit (still living off the high from Haechan earlier..) “Oh my god don’t tell me you’re blushing right now”, you say in a sing-songy voice as your pointer finger nudges his shoulder. “Are you that touched?”, you gently bring your hands up on top of your heart to emphasize the sentiment…It only takes Mark a few seconds before he’s able to hold eye contact once again, shaking his head at you as his goofy smile makes its way onto his features. He decides to ignore your previous statements, raising his glass to simply state, “To us! I’m really glad you’re here, let's have fun tonight.” You nod, clicking your glasses before you two down the shot. You miss the way his gaze stays fixed on you, he can't hide a content smile as you close your eyes, sighing in content, relishing in the fact that you didn’t have to worry about any bitter aftertaste.

You’re both startled by a playful lilt coming from behind, “What are you two doiingg?”. A quick “Nothing!” leaves your lips in unison and when you both turn to face each other, you can't help but burst out into laughter. Johnny finds it amusing, the way you two act like a couple of teenagers who just got caught doing something they weren’t supposed to.

He makes his way to your side, “If you guys are going to pregame, at least serve me one too!”He pouts, but only for a second before he bares his teeth at you. That’s your queue to present the chrome salver that held the pre-poured shots so nicely.

Johnny doesn’t hesitate to pick up his drink, knowing instantly which one belonged to him. He quirks a brow at you as he eyes the shot glass, “Damn you really love us, huh?”

You tilt your head as you suck in a small breath “Nah, I wouldn’t say all that… Maybe just a little..”

The two boys chuckle at your response. Before Johnny has the chance to gulp down his drink he hears his name being called out in the sea of people. It's kind of amazing how he managed to locate the source of the call. He raises the glass up at you, quickly swallows it, and sets it down on the table before sparing you and Mark one last glance, “Don’t have too much fun without me, yeah?”, with a playful wink, he disappears within the crowd.

Eventually the rest of the members make it to the table, each downing their designated drinks, laughing, and socializing in and out of the section. After the 4th round of shots you begin to feel the effects of the alcohol setting in, nothing anyone wouldn’t be able to handle though, you make a mental note to hydrate before the next rounds just to stay on top of your toes.

—

The boys seem to be having fun, each in their own little worlds, you can't suppress the smile that creeps onto your face as you take in their expressions. It's been so long since you’ve all had a night out together, you’re elated to see that everyone appears to be enjoying it. You take it upon yourself to mingle within the confines of the club, occasionally coming back to the section whenever anyone would order a round. It's becoming harder to keep tabs of how many shots you’ve taken, so after a certain point you decide to stop keeping track.

—

The alcohol has fully made its way into your bloodstream, the realization hits when you’re stumbling into the women’s bathroom struggling to lock the stall door. Damn when did these things get so difficult? Eventually you manage to shut it before continuing to handle your business. Luckily, unlocking the stall door is a much easier task.

You make your way to the sink because you’ll be damned if you become one of those girlies who don't wash their hands after using it, even though you’re tipsy your sense of hygiene is still intact.

The suds begin to envelop your hands, you sway a bit to the music before deciding an appropriate amount of time was spent lathering your hands. After you finish rinsing the last of the soap off, you take a quick glance in the mirror, taking the time to fix any stray hairs. You blow yourself a kiss before heading out.

You decide to settle on the dance floor, the music is directing your movements at this point. You look around the crowd to see if any of the members are near you, you make eye contact with a few that are, waving at them as you grin ear to ear. You have yet to spot the youngests of the group though, so you look in the next logical place, your beloved section.

That’s where you spot them, Jungwoo, Haechan, and Mark, each with a glass in their hand. You motion towards them in an attempt to get their attention, the crowd was looking a bit sparse, you figured more people wouldn’t hurt.

Jungwoo is the first to notice you and he lifts his glass in return. Unfortunately his simple acknowledgment wasn’t enough for you right now, so what’s the next best thing? Ah yeah… genius, you think.

You mimicked throwing a lasso in his direction, because if anyone were to go along with the bit, it was gonna be Jungwoo.

You begin to tug on the imaginary lasso and he lifts up, adding the exaggerated theatrics you sought out. At first Mark and Haechan look at him confused, but as you continue pulling, they connect the dots.

Jungwoo has made his way to your side, and you two let the music carry you. You spare the sitting younger boys a glance and motion for them to join you, Haechan shares a look with Mark, the left side of his lips tilt into a smile, “Should we join her or what?”. Mark keeps his eyes glued to you as he answers him, “I’m good watching, you should go though, have fun.”.

Haechan shrugs him off and sets his glass down, “Yeah, I’m planning on it…”. Mark is a couple shots in himself so doesn’t really pay Haechan’s statement any mind.

You notice Haechan get up but instead of coming towards you, he waltzes over to the DJ booth.

Booooo, if anyone would be down to dance it’d be Haechan? Maybe he just wasn’t in the mood tonight…

You peel your eyes off of him and decide to see if you can maybe persuade Mark once more, when the lasso trick fails, a gloomy expression resides on your face, you pantomime wiping the non-existent tears from your eyes. He laughs it off, and although he’s well out of earshot, you could’ve sworn you heard his laughter from across the floor, you can't help but giggle in response. Once you see that your efforts are fruitless, you decide to redirect your attention to Jungwoo. He takes your hand and twirls you around a couple of times, he might’ve snorted a bit when you stumble after the third spin.

When you pause to recover from the dizziness you see Haechan sauntering towards you two, an excited smile makes its way to your features.

“Couldn’t resist the fun, could you?” You beam up at him.

“How could I ever?”, he throws you a mischievous grin but you’re a bit too far gone to even notice.

As you envelop him in a hug the lights of the club suddenly begin to dim, turning a deep red. You look around you to see if it was just part of your imagination, but the roars in response to the shift in mood are what make you realize you’re not dreaming.

The mid tempo song that now echoed throughout the club called for slow movements, the groovy baseline paired with the ambiance set in place by club directors clearly portrayed their intentions for this particular moment. All at once, people make their way to the dance floor. In the rapid movement, Jungwoo had been swallowed into another section of the floor, so that left you and Haechan alone. Your eyes widen as sweaty bodies continue to force you two closer and closer by the second. Haechan doesn’t seem to mind so you decide you wouldn’t either.

The fact that you were still locked in the hug from earlier gave Haechan easy access to your body. His left hand reached for your face, his touches were feathery as he caressed your cheek, he chuckles a bit when you lean into his hand. Hmm how responsive…

Your response to his touch only encourages him to keep going. He tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear before he lets his fingers glide along your jawline, they find refuge beneath your chin, resting there a bit before he decides to tilt your head upwards, allowing his eyes to come into contact with yours.

Low eyes study your features as a conceited smile creeps onto his face, you could’ve sworn you felt his irises searing into your flesh. He maintains steady eye contact before shifting his attention down to your lips, the quietest snicker leaves him as he inches closer towards your face, you can only flutter your eyes shut in response. Your senses prick up when you feel his plump lips graze against your ear, he lets out a small exhale before dropping his voice a couple octaves to whisper,

“You should probably close your mouth.”

You knew you had been a bit far gone but damn… How long had it been open?

Whatever is left of his spell wears off because you’re finally able to look him in the eyes again, “Oh please, I’m an entertainer! I had an audience to please,” you scoff, waving him off.

Yeah that should buy me enough time to build my defenses back up, you think.

You clearly miss the glint in his eyes before he leans into you once more,

“I’m your audience now, so how about you please me?”

Hmm, that definitely sobered you up a bit…

You feel a small fire light up in your stomach, but you’ll be damned if you let him win again, he’s already gotten to you once tonight and that was enough for your taste, so you decide to stand your ground, lifting an index finger to his face, “ONE dance, since you want it so bad.” Ha, now it was his turn to scoff.

You turn around so your back faces him, the fact that he wouldn’t be able to get a read on your face was the main reason for this action, but you’re not going to complain about how close it brought you two.

The movements were set by Haechan, slow and drawn out to match the tempo of the song resounding throughout the club. He doesn’t waste time letting his curious hands roam your body. Each gentle drag across your exposed skin only stokes the flame that sits at the pit of your stomach, with each second that passes you begin to feel what once was a small pile of embers grow into a blistering heat.

Sweaty bodies surrounded your perimeter so unsolicited contact wasn’t unexpected, but Haechan’s grazes were different. You could’ve sworn he was riddling your skin with scorch marks, your eyes followed his fingers each time they came in contact with you just to make sure you were indeed imagining it.

At this point your ass was flush against his pelvis, the heat radiating off of him was beginning to become unbearable. You may have pushed deeper into him as he controlled your movements, not that he was complaining, his grip on your waist becoming tighter was quite the indicator. The song is beginning to reach its final couple of seconds, with that, your shared movements naturally begin to die down.

Before fully disconnecting from each other Haechan takes the opportunity to snake his hand upwards to the nape of your neck, he decides to continue a bit more into your scalp, taking a fistful of your hair, delicately tugging at the strands to turn your head to face him, your glossy eyes make contact with his.

God, did you always look like that, or was this expression only something you’ve shared with me?, he thought to himself.

The red lights compliment his features, if it were up to you, you’d look up at him until your neck cramped up, but you’ve unconsciously relinquished any authority over your body at the moment.

He chuckles at you before gently tilting your head to the side a bit, granting him access to your neck. The way you openly let him control your movements had his head spinning,

“What else would you be willing to let me do to you?”

His lips nip at your collarbone, traveling upwards, making sure to graze your jugular, because if you weren’t going to comment on how you were feeling, your body would do it for you.

A small huff is all you feel against your skin after he confirms his effects on you, but your senses are far too overstimulated for you to even realize he’s caught onto you. The journey of exploring your neck concludes when he comes to a halt at the shell of your ear, his lips graze it ever so slightly before he opens his mouth,

“Consider me fully pleased.”, his gravelly voice resonates in your eardrums.

He places what could possibly be one of the most delicate kisses onto your neck, before releasing his grip on your hair. You slowly turn to fully face him now, almost as if your body is just now processing all that it’s experienced in the past couple of minutes. His eyes don't focus on yours immediately, instead he concentrates on smoothing your hair back to its original state.

Before the final seconds of the instrumental fades into nothing his hand extends towards yours, pupils finally meeting your own. He simply brings your hand up to his lips, placing a small kiss on it, not once even daring to break eye contact. And with that, the song seals the moment you’ve shared perfectly. As the crowd woos the Dj’s choice in music taste, Haechan gives you a genuine smile paired with a wink before he makes his way back to your shared section.

You’re left completely bewildered, motionless in the crowd as you maintain focus on the back of his head. It takes Jungwoo rushing into your side for your senses to slowly make their return. “Wow that was amazing, did you see all the pretty lights?”, he asks with actual genuine curiosity. He decides to wave his hand in front of your face after not getting a response, “Helloo?”.

You feel your feet beginning to plant themselves back onto earth, that’s when you’re able to coherently form a sentence again. You beam upwards towards him, “It was mind blowing Jungwoo…”. He lets out a cackle before engulfing your entire upper body in the tightest hug, nuzzling his sweaty forehead against yours, “Haha, how cute, let's get something to drink, yeah?”, I mean, you've known Jungwoo for years now but it still amazes you how much he was into skinship, even in these conditions. Before you can answer he’s already tugging you towards your shared section. With your free hand you wipe away the sheen of perspiration that had built up on your forehead while dancing with Haechan.

The two of you finally arrive at your designated space. You see Johnny and Jaehyun have taken the liberty of inviting a few girls over, these two were like magnets, everywhere they went people just seemed to flock towards them, it was a sight to see truly, but you had more important things to focus on, your feet were begging for a break so you scan the section to find the next available seating. You spot a little booth off to the side, Mark and Yuta are already sitting there, perfect, you were in need of some familiarity after all you had gone through in the last 5 minutes.

You make a beeline to the booth and greet the boys, while Yuta immediately returns your smile, Mark doesn’t even bother to look in your direction, eyes deciding to focus anywhere but where you are standing. Hmmm, that's strange.. maybe he just wasn’t feeling the club anymore? He seemed fine a couple minutes ago? Maybe he just didn’t hear me? But that’s impossible because Yuta—

Your internal dialogue is cut off by Yuta signaling you to sit next to him, you plop beside him, “Having fun tonight?”, he asks. Phew, that's one way to put it. You resort to gestures to provide him with an answer, offering a mellowed out thumbs up. He chuckles as his hand reaches up to ruffle your hair.

“What about you?”, you ask, genuinely curious about what he’d say. Before he’s able to give you an answer he hears his name being called. Without a second thought you raise yourself up, urging him to see what’s up with his friend, he apologizes before leaving, “I promise to answer you when I get back!”He flashes a smile before tailing his friend, leaving you and Mark at the booth.

You position yourself in front of Mark, he wouldn’t be able to ignore what was right in front of him… right? You prop your elbows onto the table, “So how about you, mark?”, not even a second goes by before he answers you, “Never been better.” His voice was monotonous, devoid of any emotion, and he still has yet to spare you a single glance. Something’s definitely wrong, it's clear as day now. You knew Mark could be a bit hot headed sometimes, but it's never been anything like this?

You quickly scan your memories of what’s happened tonight to see if you could’ve said something to tick him off, but to your recollection, everything with him was going great up until now? Whatever it was you weren’t in the mood to handle his passive aggressiveness, not when everyone’s supposed to be having a good time. So you immediately cut to the chase, the alcohol in your system unconsciously dissolving any sort of brain to mouth filter you’d usually uphold, “Sooo, are you gonna act like a child, or are you going to use your words and say what’s wrong?”

His eyes finally look into yours, but the feeling is different. He’s never looked at you like this before and it’s driving you mad that you can’t pinpoint why.

A bitter expression dawns his features, he takes a combative tone. “I’m fine, and you seem to be having a blast too, so what exactly is the problem?”

Your brows knit together, still unsure of where all this hostility is coming from, and why the hell it's even being directed at you. You immediately become defensive, “That’s what I’m trying to figure out. Why are you acting like this? Did I say something to make you upset?”, your sentences were laced with exasperation.

Mark opens his mouth to speak but before words are able to leave his lips, he’s interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Everything alright over here?”Haechan questions, he doesn’t ask for permission before he settles next to you in the booth. He offers you a smile before his eyes land on Mark, “Hope I’m not interrupting anything?”

Mark scoffs, “I was just leaving.”

He gives Haechan a once over before he plants his palms on the table to force himself up, storming off into the crowd.

Your eyes follow Mark's figure as it makes its way to the club’s exit. When you lose him in the sea of people, you redirect towards Haechan, “What’s up with him?”, you sigh before you prop an elbow on the table, letting your face rest in your palm, “Dude I wish I knew...”

The last thing Mark sees before exiting the club is Haechan’s hand placed on your back, rubbing small circles into your flesh. He mentally curses at himself for even deciding to look back at you.

—

Mark successfully makes it out of the club, the cool wind that smacks him in the face causes him to lose his balance momentarily, after a few steps he eventually decides to settle on an empty part of the curb.

His eyes close as he pushes out a deep sigh, nimble fingers fumble in his pockets to find the vape Johnny asked him to hold onto before they left the dorms. He oggles the small contraption with curiosity before bringing it up to his mouth. I’m pretty sure this is how Johnny does it…

He takes in a long drag and before he knows it, his lungs reach their limit, now I just let it sit there right…? He attempts to hold in the smoke but his lungs aren't having it. He enters a coughing fit, small clouds of smoke leave his pinched lips with each puffed exhale, he comes to the realization that it may be better to stop resisting it, so he lets out all the smoke in one blow. Great. Now he was pissed off and his throat stings, wonderful.

As he brings his hands up to his throat in an attempt to soothe himself, he can’t help but replay what happened earlier. Why would he shamelessly caress you like that for the world to see? Seeing you pressed up against Haechan only filled him with rage, which only increased by tenfold when the little shit was daring enough to hold eye contact with him, knowing the way his actions were affecting him. He’d pull you in closer each second Mark observed you two, sending him a wink when your body was flush against his.

Each time his hands laid themselves on your body he couldn’t help but wonder; Were you actually enjoying the way he was touching you, is that what you liked? How would you react if it was his hands on you instead? Would you be just as welcoming, maybe even a bit more?

Envy coursed through his entire being each time you two closed the gap between each other, what was he saying into your ear so sweetly that made you look at him like that? Did you have a thing for him?—

Mark shakes away the image of you two, finally letting an ounce of rationality seep into his system. He stares blankly ahead as he lets out a low groan. It finally hits him just how immaturely he handled the situation, I mean, you never belonged to him? You were well within your right to dance with whoever you wanted. How were you supposed to know how he felt? It's not like he’s ever told you anything?

His face finds refuge in his palms as he exhales. After sitting with his thoughts for a couple of minutes, he reaches into his pocket for his phone. He fumbles with it a bit before getting it right-side up. The bright screen lights up to reveal a picture Doyoung had taken of the both of you. Even drunk he’s able to recall what the two of you were doing, and the exact words that left his mouth, making you laugh the way you did. He smiles at the screen for a few seconds before paying attention to the time; 2:08AM. Dang it's pretty late… He determines that his night has come to an end, the thought of having to look Haechan in the face leaves a sour taste in his mouth, and he doesn’t want to put a damper on anyone’s (your) night more than he possibly has already.

With a few clicks he reaches his managers contact page,

Mark [2:10] : hey, yoiclose ??

Manager hyung [2:11] : Gonna be honest I didn’t expect you to be done so early, I’ll come to the front, we can meet there.

Mark [2:13] : csn we stip for food. ?

[read]

Mark slumps against his manager as he raises himself up, “Ah hyung, you always take care of me, thank you.” His words are slurred but his manager understands the sentiment. He helps Mark stumble his way to the car, making sure he’s buckled up before slipping into the driver's seat.

They’re a couple stops away from Mark’s favorite noodle shop before he asks him “What dish are you feeling tonight?”. When he doesn’t receive a response he adjusts his rear-view mirror to get a look at Mark, who has drifted into what seems like a peaceful sleep. He chuckles a bit at the boy’s figure, luckily the redirection wouldn’t take long, the place was near the dorms after all.

—

Pain. Throbbing pain settled on the left side of your head. That’s all you feel as you find the courage to open your eyes. You’re dazzled by the sunshine bouncing off the walls of the room, so you immediately pinch them shut. You know you’re at the dorms, the question is, who's?

Since sight is faltering at the moment, you decide to rely on your other senses for an answer. A small hum of a computer fan is what registers first, and you can only assume you’re in one of three rooms. It becomes clearer where you reside after taking in a deep breath, a familiar citrusy scent makes its way to your nostrils. Yup, this is Haechan’s room.

After what seems like a few minutes, you gradually begin to open up your eyes, allowing them to expand from a squint until they’re fully open. You slowly bring yourself up so that your back rests against the headboard. The shared room is pretty neat, it looks like they’ve got an air purifier running, oh so it wasn’t a computer...

Your eyes look over to scan Johnny’s bed and see that besides a small ruffle on the edge, it's fully made. He must’ve slept in the living room or something… hmm, that's pretty strange, he's never minded sleeping in the presence of others, much less you. Damn, could it be possible that he didn’t even make it upstairs?—

Your thoughts are interrupted by Doyoung’s muffled voice that can be heard through the walls. “Set up the table and go wake her up, she should eat something.”. A small groan is all you hear in response, followed by metal utensils clattering as someone springs a drawer open.

A small smile registers onto your face at the command. As you let out a deep breath your eyes peer down to the small bedside table, it holds a neatly setup cup of water and 2 extra strength Tylenols. When your hand reaches towards the cup you notice it has a sticky note on it, “please enjoy deliciously ;)” the little sun drawn on the corner lets you know this was Haechan’s doing. You let out a laugh but immediately stop, as it causes your head to pulse even harder.

Once you take the two pills you bring your body to the edge of the bed, slowly encouraging your brain to allow you to stand on your two feet. Your legs hover a bit before coming into contact with the floor and before you know it you’re standing, completely still but hey, you’re up.

You’re mid-stretch as you hear heavy footsteps making their way towards the room, and suddenly Haechan bursts through the door. You wince at the sound of the door slamming back into the wall. “My god, do you have to be that lou—“, you’re cut off by arms wrapping around you, flinging you onto the mattress. Haechan lands on top of you, legs cradling your sides. He soaks in your fatigued state, bringing a hand to your face to gently stroke your cheek, “All tired out from last night, huh?”

WHAT?!

Your heart stops. You’re unable to produce a sentence as you attempt to recall last night's events, only to be met with splotchy blurbs of memories instead of full stories.

Haechan notices the panic in your face, and to be completely frank he revels in it a bit before revealing the truth to you. “I’ll save you the hassle, we didn’t sleep together.”

Relief washes over your features, and you shut your eyes, “Oh thank go—“

Once again you’re cut off, sleep still coats Haechan’s voice as he leans into your ear, “Although I will say, it was very hard to turn down your begging, you looked so pretty when you were—”, You pinch the underside of his arm to get him to shut up, and you’re glad it works, you shove him off of you, bringing yourself to stand up. He writhes around on the bed, exaggerating his pain, letting out dramatically loud wails. Seeing him like that made you almost forget how shit you were feeling, almost…

“Ok, alright, relax you little princess.”, you murmur.

He immediately freezes to make eye contact with you, “You think I’m pretty enough to be a princess?”

An amused scoff is all you can let out before deciding to change the subject, “If we didn’t sleep together, where did you sleep?”

His brows furrow at first, but he soon realizes what you mean, “Oh no— we slept together, we just didn’t sleep together, you know?”

Me and Haechan… In the same bed?

He can see the gears turning in your head at this newfound information, you fail to register the glint in his eyes before he continues, “ So you're telling me that you don't remember clinging to me all night, whining nonstop to get me to hug you back?”

You pinch your eyes shut, both hands instinctively make their way to your temple, lightly massaging the throbbing flesh.

“Of course I caved, I’ve never seen you act like that, plus Doyoung was getting sick of your noises, he came to check on us because you were that loud.”

Great, not only had you embarrassed yourself in front of Haechan but out of all the members on the 5th floor, DOYOUNG was the one to witness it? What kind of sick joke was this?

Your mortification is cut short by a knock on the door, you turn your head to see Johnny’s rangy frame leaning against the door. He eyes you up and down before his attention darts to Haechan then back to you, he does this twice and his face is awfully smug prior to opening his mouth, “Come on, you two dont want to make mom mad.” His voice is still gruff and you find pleasure that, by the looks of it, you weren’t the only one that had a rough night. As he pulls the knob to shut the door, he gives you one last grin, then he’s off with a shake of his head.

You slowly turn to focus your attention back to Haechan, pointing your thumb towards the door, “What was that all about?”

He feigns an unknowing shrug as a smile paints across his face, “Idk let's go eat, you already pissed off Doyoung earlier, don't wanna make it worse for yourself.”

As you mentally seek the courage to be able to look Doyoung in the eyes, Haechan climbs out of his bed and drapes an arm around your shoulder, leading you both to their shared kitchen.

—

When you step foot into the kitchen you’re greeted with groans and a couple of surveying looks instead of actual hellos. What could they possibly be looking at, this isn’t the first time they've seen me hungover? You decide to ignore their prying eyes, too tired to question their behavior.

So far, it's only the members of the 5th floor that reside in the kitchen, but you know it won’t be long until the rest of them make their way downstairs.

Doyoung’s parked in front of the stove. He always makes food for everyone after a night out, it's basically routine at this point. You know, even though he nags throughout the entire cooking process, you always notice the way he tries to hide his smile when he sees everyone digging in. You'll always be grateful that you have the privilege of calling him your friend, his presence is absolutely vital.

The only semblance of liveliness can be felt radiating off of Taeyong. You’re fascinated, staring at him with admiration as you watch him prep the plates of food, making sure to garnish each dish till he's satisfied with their presentation.

You decide to settle next to Johnny who leans his head on your shoulder when you’ve fully sat down. Bringing a hand to his head, you begin stroking his hair, “Have fun, at least?”, you ask, voice still a bit groggy.

“Of course… Not as much as you tho,” he says in between chuckles.

You freeze when the rest of the members chortle in unison to show that they second his statement.

I couldn’t have been that bad right? … Right…?

Hmmm maybe it's better to address the situation before continuing on…

You lift yourself up from your seat, gathering the attention of everyone in the room, making sure to meet eyes with each and everyone of them, “I’m gonna be completely honest, I don’t remember everything that happened, but I’m really sorry for whatever I might’ve done yesterday, and Doyoung, I apologize if I might’ve bothered you last night, that wasn’t my intention...”

The silence that filled the room was deafening, all that could be heard was the sizzling of whatever Doyoung was frying on the stove. Guilt washes over your entire being, gaze instinctively dropping to the table. Damn, what the fuck did I do?

Suddenly, a roaring laughter erupts, it's enough to startle you out of your remorseful state. Your head Immediately shoots up when Doyoung is the first to speak, “Why are you the one apologizing, Haechan was the one I could hear the most?”. A flurry of agreements echo within the room.

Your eyes widen at the sudden revelation of truth, they seek out Haechan who immediately feels the daggers you’re shooting at him. Punk ass liar…

Phew, I mean, at least now you know you weren’t the one being a complete nuisance. Still, this leaves a lot of questions unanswered, and it's becoming a bit tiresome to try to mentally fill in the blanks, so you settle on asking what happened instead.

“We had a blast at the club, but the real fun began when we came home.” Johnny grins, he notices the way your eyes are pleading him to continue, so he does,

“You couldn’t make it up the stairs so I had to carry you, but honestly listening to you going off on Mark was personally the highlight of my night,” Contemplation riddles his features before he resumes, “You know what, scratch that, it was actually when you threw up on yourself… and Haechan.” He cackles as he recalls your actions, meanwhile you can only duck your head and inhale a sharp breath in response.

The boys laugh as they replay the memory, you giggle a bit yourself as you bring your head up to look at Haechan, “…I may not be able to recall everything that happened last night, but I really feel that deep, deep down… you might’ve deserved that.”, you beam at him from across the table.

He raises his pitch a bit in an attempt to mimic your voice “ Wehh, i think you deserved it meh bleh blah— I can't believe this is how you treat someone who literally took care of you all night..”

Johnny interjects before you’re able to counter, “Hmmm I wouldn’t necessarily say that. I mean yeah, you did clean her up and all but you literally wouldn’t let her out of your grasp after that, I had to sleep in the living room because you were being so obnoxious.”

Leave it to Johnny to spare the bullshit lol, it's part of his charm that you often commend.

Doyoung relishes in the fact that he finally got an answer to his unvoiced question, “Oh so that’s why you’re wearing his clothes.”

……huh?

A stream of “Ahhh’s” and nods of realization follow Doyoung’s statement.

You look down to see Haechan’s garments covering your body, top to bottom.

You're at a loss for words at first, then your eyes widen at the sound of alarms going off in your head, “YOU STRIPPED ME?!?”

All heads turn to Haechan, who remains unphased at the sudden attention, “I mean yeah, I wasn’t going to let you sleep on my bed after you puked all over us? Would you have preferred if I left you sitting in your pile of vomit?”

The gazes shift in your direction now. Damnit, you hate it when he made sense… Silence fills the room, but it's quickly shortened,

“Your panties were super cute by the way, I always did love Wall-e.”

The members attempt to stifle their laughter, but they inevitably fail, quite miserably in fact…

A deep warmth rushes to your face, you fight through your embarrassment though, forcing yourself to meet Haechan’s observant eyes, “Yeah I’m gonna need you to erase that image of me from your memory, IMMEDIATELY..”

“Sorry, already seared into my memory. I might need it for when i get a littl—“

“OHKAYYY, food’s ready!! Who’s hungry?” Taeyong jumps in to save you from further embarrassment, he sets a couple of bowls on the table before sitting himself down.

Haechan snickers at you before shoving a spoonful of rice in his mouth, he makes a conscious effort to chew extra loudly before blowing you a kiss.

“Gross.”, You sneer.

“You know you love it.”

You roll your eyes as you bring a spoonful of warm broth near your mouth, you let the smell fill your nostrils before digging in. Damn, Doyoung’s meals really never miss.

You can feel your stomach unknotting with each spoonful you take in. A comfortable silence fills the kitchen as you all savor the food, the cacophony of quiet slurps and metal brushing against porcelain dies down slightly when you hear the front door opening.

Yuta and Taeil are the first to make their appearance, compared to the rest of the group, they seem to be walking on water. Congratulations, sooo happy for them... They greet everyone with warm smiles before taking whatever seats are left at the table. Doyoung had already set up bowls for everyone, so all there was left to do was dig in.

As Taeil swallows his first bite of food his eyes land on your figure, he notices your attire and it strikes a thought, “Hey, Haechan has a shirt just like that!”

“It’s his.”

The way everyone in the room felt the need to respond to his observation in unison has you choking on a spoonful of rice.

Taeil and Yuta look at you wide eyed, before their attention shifts to Haechan, who does nothing but wiggle his eyebrows at them.

Yuta turns to look at you once more with what seems like a concerned look etched across his features, “ Wait… So you two.. Slept together?”

You enter a coughing fit at this point.

Johnny offers you a glass of water along with a pat on the back, once your breaths are under control you clear your throat to give Yuta an answer, “Absolutely not. I may or may not have thrown up on myself.. And Haechan… Point is, I ruined my clothes so that's why I’m wearing this..”

Taeil just chuckles as he plays out the image in his head, but your ears are able to pick up the soft sigh of relief that leaves Yuta’s lips, and to be honest you’re not entirely sure why that's his immediate response.

You swallow a gulp of water and attempt to steer the conversation in another direction, “Enough of me though, how was yesterday for you guys?”

The two boys continue on to discuss the highlights of their nights, you’re glad they were able to enjoy themselves and come out of it looking the way they did, they genuinely looked like they had a blast.

As Yuta gives a reenactment of one of his stories he mentions Mark. You politely let him finish before letting your curiosity get the best of you, “Hey so what happened to him last night, did he get home safe— Is he up yet?”. Haechan’s eyes peek up at your displayed interest in Mark’s night, as Yuta parts his lips to reply, he’s quickly cut off, “ Why do you even care, he didn’t even have the decency to say bye to us before bailing last night.”

All eyes are on Haechan now, and that's when he realizes that he verbalized his thoughts instead of keeping them contained.

Johnny shoots him a questioning look, “Woah woah woah, what's with all the hostility all of a sudden?”

He’s stunned, but only for a split second before he formulates a response, “No hostility, just stating what happened.” He drops his spoon in his empty bowl before lifting himself from the table.

Your eyes trail him as he places his dish in the sink and trampes off to his room, all without sparing anyone a single glance.

What the fuck was that?

You raise an eyebrow at his behavior, “ Alright… You were saying Yuta?”

“Oh yeah, He’s asleep for now, Jungwoo promised to wait for him so they can come down together.”

“Perfect!” You immediately raise up off your seat, discarding your used dishes into the dishwasher before briskly making your way to the door.

As you squat down towards the floor to slip on a pair of shoes Taeyong shouts, “Where are you going!?” You peek your head into the kitchen, breath a little short when you reply, “He seemed angry about something yesterday, so I was gonna stop by our favorite spot and get us something so we could talk about it. It's past 9 so it should be open by now, do you guys want anything?” The members shout out a couple of menu items and you make sure to jot them down on a piece of paper so you’ll be set for when you call in the order.

As you slide on some sandals, Johnny makes his way to the door, “Want me to come with?.” You flash him a smile, “It’ll be right back, it shouldn’t take me more than 20 minutes bc it’s a pickup.”

He throws his hands up in the air in a false defeat, “Okie dokie, walk safely then, If you need anything text me, we’ll be here.”

“Bet”, You wave a goodbye at him as you sprint down the hall.

—

As you arrive at the shop you can see your order sitting on the counter off to the side. When you get ready to make your payment you notice a dessert tray sitting behind the glass window to your left. The pretty white plate holds about six bear shaped cookies, how cute. Hmmmm… Since Haechan didn’t come out to request anything you figured you’d take him some, I mean, you never did thank him for taking care of you after all …

“Hey! I knew it was you, there were a couple extra meals than usual, having some friends over for breakfast?”

The owner is an older woman, she’s taken a liking to you and Mark, every time you two visit she offers something on the house. You always accept it of course so as to not come off as ungrateful, always leaving a sizable tip in return because damn this woman can COOK, you can taste the love she puts into her meals, truly. You silently ponder if this is how Doyoung’s cooking will evolve…

You explain to her how you’ve spent the night with friends and just wanted to provide a meal in return. She smiles wide at your explanation, “They’re very lucky to have you.” The comment has you blushing a bit, she giggles at your slightly flustered figure.

“Would this be all for you then, dear?”

“Oh, and can I also get two of the bear cookies please?”

“Yes of course!”

She packs the cookies in a small brown bag and hands it off to you before continuing to process your payment.

When you grab the order off the table she walks towards the door to hold it open for you, as you approach the threshold, you thank her and she gives one last remark before you make your way back to the dorms, “Make sure to bring your boyfriend next time, he’s a keeper that Mark.”

“Mark?”

She places her hands over her mouth before speaking again, “Oh my, don't tell me you two broke up? It wasn’t my intention to bring up any bad memories.”

You chuckle at her worried expression, “Oh no don’t worry, it's nothing like that. Mark and I are just friends, that's all.”

“…Just Friends?” She looks at you as if you had broken out in foreign language.

There’s a small silence before she speaks again, “Are you sure we're talking about the same person, I mean the scrawny one who wears the round glasses. The one you always come in with!” Yup that's Mark alright..

You let out a genuine laugh, one where if anyone were walking by they'd think you just heard the joke of the century.

She just looks at you in amusement as you attempt to regulate your breathing. Once you’re able to catch your breath you give her one last thank you for the meal and head back in the direction of the dorms.

Me and Mark? That’s a new one, you smile to yourself.

She stays at the door observing your walking figure, she titters a bit as she shakes her head, speaking aloud to herself, “Pfft, she can lie to herself all she wants, I see the way they look at each other.”

—

You return to the 5th floor to deliver the orders, as you step in you celebrate slightly when you notice Jungwoo and Mark still haven’t made it down yet. Echoes of thank yous can be heard as you pass them their food, they look at the meals starry-eyed like they didn’t just eat less than half an hour ago lmao.

Once you ensure everyone’s gotten their food, a quick “You’re welcome!” leaves your lips as you practically glide towards Haechan’s room.

You don't bother knocking, that would take too much time.

He jolts on the bed at your sudden intrusion but he doesn’t bother taking his eyes off of his phone, “What’s this?”

“FOR YOU!!!!!” You yell, crashing next to him on the bed.

He’s still failing to acknowledge your presence, so you decide to get closer, batting your eyes as you shove your face between his eyes and this phone screen. When he breaks out into laughter you explain to him,

“You seemed off earlier plus I mean… I never said thanks, you did take care of me last night.. So like, two birds, you know?”

As he pulls out the cookies, he attempts to hide his enthusiasm, but you’re able to see right through him, “Bears, how original.”

“Oh please, you love it”

“Only a small amount…” He flashes you a smile, the kind that makes its way to his eyes.

After he takes a bite, he brings the cookie up to your mouth, motioning for you to take a bite yourself. When you lean in closer, you open your mouth to welcome the cookie, only for him to shove it up your nose.

You quickly expel the crumbs from your nostril, guffawing at his action, but if you were being honest you kind of wanted to taste it, so you squeeze his arm to hold it still. Even though you tremble a bit to keep it steady, you do manage to get a bite and wow, as expected, the owner has yet to disappoint…

“Hmmm so good~”

He chuckles at your satisfied face, “I know, where did you get it from?”

“Its this one spot Mark and I are always going to, this lady, Haechan, she makes the be—“

He cuts your sentence short, a hint of annoyance laced his words, “Oh yeah, Mark never shuts up about it.”

“I should take you, it's super close! We can go after your schedules one day if you want?”

He pictures it in his head, you, in that one dress he likes, sitting to grab a bite to eat, getting to listen to you go on about whatever interests you in that moment…

He’s looking off into the distance completely silent so you backtrack a bit, “Or not, no pressure…”

When he snaps out of his daydream he looks into your eyes, his face is unreadable and it’s throwing you off. You shift side to side on his bed, fidgeting with the hem of his tee that drapes your body.

He only blinks at you twice before leaning into you, softly placing his hands on each side of your cheeks, his eyes dart back and forth between yours then down to your lips, almost as if he was searching for any sign of resistance on your end. When he finds none, he brings his thumb up to your lips, gently running the digit against them. You let out a soft sigh of relief at the contact, as if the greatest weight had just been lifted off your shoulders, and when your eyes flutter shut he takes it as his queue to close the little remaining distance between you, pressing his plump lips against your own.

A spark of electricity travels through up your spine, causing your brain to momentarily short circuit. Fried neurons send the signal to tilt your head, deepening the kiss. Your lips part slightly to allow him to slip his tongue into your mouth. When his wet muscle comes into contact with your own, you can't help but wonder how it would feel gliding across your body.

Your heart is slamming against your chest as each second goes by and you’re curious if he can hear it. You realize that your brain can't help but crave more of him, because before you know it, you instinctively leap to straddle his lap. The newfound heat of your body on his has him groaning into your mouth. Fuck, it should be illegal for him to sound this pretty…

He slips his hands up your his shirt, raking his fingers up and down your back. Although you made your way onto his lap, he finds that you’re not close enough for his liking, so he decides to slightly dig his fingernails into your soft flesh. The action causes you to arch into him, causing you to let out an absurdly loud moan when you feel his dick come into contact with your core.

Your noise causes him to bring his actions to a halt, as he pulls away from your lips to get a good look at your face, you begin to feel the sting of embarrassment course through your veins.

When his blown out pupils look into yours for what felt like eons without saying a word, you promptly remove yourself from on top of him.

He eyes observe your now standing figure in awe. He doesn’t know how to process your reaction, it's so uncharacteristic of you, or was it? He’s never seen you in this state before. His head becomes overloaded with sinful thoughts. If that’s what you sounded like with barely any effort, what would happen if I actually tried a bit more? He feels lightheaded just thinking about it.

You stare at his heaving figure from a safe distance, before letting out a small chuckle,

I really just made out with Haechan right now..

You tuck your hair behind your ear as you prepare to speak, your voice wavers before breathlessly pushing out your next words, “I uh.. hah— I really should go upstairs.” You rapidly head for the door, not daring to look in the boy’s direction.

As your hand reaches for the door knob you feel his hand on your wrist, it's followed by a low voice, a foreign seriousness coats his next words, “It's not in my head, I can't be the only one who felt something at the club last night, you know what I’m talking about, and you can say whatever you want, but this—”, he motions at your flustered state, “confirms that for me.”

How dare he? I mean he’s absolutely correct but still, how brazen of him..

A small glimmer makes its way to your eye, you let a confused expression bloom onto your features before turning to face him,

“Last night… at the club?”, you furrow your brows as you tilt your head to the side to really sell your faux confusion.

He’s completely taken aback, dumbfounded, it takes him a minute as he chooses his next words carefully, “Yeah— I mean… Wait a second, you’re telling me you don’t even remember the club? What exactly is it that you DO remember?” You can feel his hand becoming clammy as he continues to hold his grip onto your wrist.

It's getting harder to hold back your amusement, but you manage to put on an excellent performance.

You stare at him blankly before raising an eyebrow, “Dude I literally blacked out? Did you forget the part where I asked everyone at breakfast to fill me in on our night?”

He freezes, demonstrating the telltale signs of someone who’s buffering in real time, Oh fuck, tell me that did not just happen right now…

You let your facade drop after a few seconds of silence, letting a smug aura emanate from your body, “But please, don't stop, what was it exactly that you felt last night?”

He quickly loses his grip on you, turning around to make his way back onto the bed, “Weren’t you in a hurry to leave or something?”

A puff of air leaves your nostrils as you observe him sliding under the covers, “Yeah I’m just gonna go up to the 10th floor” As you’re opening the door you turn to face him, “I’ll be back later though, try not to miss me too much”. He lets out a scoff at your remark, “I think I’ll survive.”

How does this man have an answer for everything? Hmmmm, how could I possibly get a reaction out of him?

As you pull the door to shut, you make sure to leave just enough space for you to peek your face through, getting in one final quip, “Oh— and if you decide to feel anything else, be sure to share it with me this time, you have my number.” You shoot him an exaggerated wink before slamming the door shut.

He sinks into the mattress as he hears your fading footsteps, wishing it would swallow him whole.

This is gonna be even more fun than you thought..

—

That’s a wrap on chapter 1!

part two can be found in this masterlist

What could possibly happen next?

Any feedback is appreciated haha :)

#nct scenarios #nct smut #mark lee #haechan #haechan x reader #mark x reader #nct 127 #kpop smut #haechan smut #mark smut #nct 127 smut #127 imagines #idol au #first series #For You?#127 scenarios #nct fanfic #nct #lee donghyuck

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taizi · 2 years

Text

coming right on back for you

part 3 of ?

rise of the tmnt x tmnt 2k12 pairing: leo & mikey, leo & everyone word count: 1674 title borrowed from hurricane by lord huron post-movie

(previous) (next)

read on ao3

The kid sleeps straight through the next day, and well into the night. When it’s close to 1 AM, nearing the time they usually head aboveground for patrol, Mikey doesn’t want to go.

It makes sense for Donnie to stay—he’s the doctor. And they don’t ever split up unevenly anymore. The buddy system is serious legislation in this house. Leo even gets testy when he hears about April or Casey being alone in their apartment for any extended period of time. Safety isn’t necessarily guaranteed anywhere, not even the lair; the only security they really have that they can rely on is each other.

So someone is going to have to stay behind with Donnie. It should definitely be Mikey, and Mikey has been rehearsing his argument in his head all night, but it turns out to be a moot point.

“We’ll be in the neighborhood,” Leo is saying to Donnie when Mikey warily pokes his head out of the infirmary. “Do a sweep of the usual hotspots and then stick close to our Wednesday route. Call us if anything happens.”

“And no parties,” Raph adds, probably just to undermine Momanardo, but it’s just teasing instead of actually mean, like it always used to be. Leo rolls his eyes and shoves him, barely hard enough to make Raph rock back on his heels.

“We only have like three friends who’d come to party and they’re all busy this weekend,” Mikey says with an audible pout.

All of his brothers glance his way and smile automatically when they see him, even though they must have known he was hanging out the infirmary door listening in this whole time.

“So? Woody would skip work for you in a heartbeat,” Raph says dryly. “And he has.”

“Multiple times,” Leo agrees in a wry tone. “If his uncle didn’t own the restaurant, he’d have lost his job years ago.”

“Nepotism!” Mikey cheers, sing-song.

It’s a good note for them to leave on. Leo nudges his shoulder into Donnie’s and rubs a hand over Mikey’s head the same way he’s done Mikey’s entire life, then steps aside so they can both pile into Raph for a many-limbed hug.

They have a lot of rituals these days. Goodbyes are an important one. There’s been too many close calls—too many almost-last-words. Mikey always hugs his brothers like it’s the last time he’ll ever see them. Just in case it is.

When Leo and Raph have gone, Donnie says, “I need to change Little Blue’s fluid bags.” It’s how they’ve all started referring to the striped turtle, and it makes Mikey smile. “Want to learn how it works?”

Mikey absolutely does, because Mikey likes being helpful however he can, and as they got older Donnie got a lot better about giving him opportunities to be.

A simple saline drip should be well within his wheelhouse. He’s watched his siblings do it enough times.

But before they get any farther, Don’s phone goes off. He slips it from his belt with a frown, checks the notification, then spins on his heel and darts down the hall without another word. It’s simple muscle-memory that has Mikey falling in right behind him, mind blank.

Closing in on the open infirmary door, Mikey hears it; the steady drone of a flatline.

Oh no, he doesn’t have the breath to say out loud. His heart is a lump of solid ice behind his plastron. He’s only still moving because his body is in autopilot mode, trained since childhood to be a machine when he needs it to be.

Donnie skids to a stop just inside the door, and his arm flies out to stop Mikey from flanking him. Mikey can’t see over his shoulder unless he jumps, and, like a coward, he doesn’t jump. He stares forward at Donnie’s shell instead.

“Is he dead?” he blurts, cold all the way down to his bones.

“No,” Donnie replies slowly. His tone gives Mikey hope immediately, because it’s quiet and cautious, not at all how he would sound if there was a dead child in their home. “He’s awake.”

Oh. Oh!

Mikey’s heart kickstarts back into action. Now he’s straining to see, pushing past the protective carapace parked in front of him. Donnie makes a low warning sound, so he doesn’t go far, just enough to get a glimpse.

The striped turtle is staring back across the room at them. He’s holding a needle in his hand. He must have lunged over to snatch it up off the counter and yanked his catheter out of his arm, along with the electrode wired to the EKG machine, which is why it flatlined.

He’s upright, but only barely. The arm braced under his body is shaking so hard Mikey can see it from where he’s standing. He’s terrified.

“Hey,” Mikey says softly. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”

Donnie is silent beside him, letting Mikey take the lead.

Little Blue is listening, at least. But his eyes are glazed and half-lucid, probably thanks to the grade four concussion. He woke up on a medical bed in a strange place, after what Mikey can only assume was the fight of his life. He has a right to be scared.

“A portal brought you here,” Mikey adds. “A yellow light. Do you remember that?”

That earns him a moment of suspicious consideration, then a slow, careful nod. Mikey nods back, smiling warmly.

“My brothers and I were hanging out by Sheepshead Bay when you appeared out of nowhere. You were hurt so we brought you home.”

The kid doesn’t speak for what feels like a long time, staring at Mikey and Donnie like he can see right through them. He sort of sways a little, drunkenly, like it’s more effort than it’s worth just to hold his head up.

Then he croaks, “What were you and your brothers doing hanging out in the most boring part of Brooklyn?”

It’s the last thing Mikey is expecting to hear, and it takes him a second to register the joke. Then Donnie snorts, and Mikey grins ear-to-ear.

“You’re thinking of Williamsburg,” he says.

“Pretentious doesn’t automatically equal boring,” Little Blue replies, just serious enough that it comes across as tongue-in-cheek. “You guys ever do that underground donut tour? Changed my life.”

Despite his flippant tone, there’s ninja-grade wariness in his face. He goes rabbit-still when Mikey eases a step forward. His hand around the needle is white-knuckled. Everything about him is white-knuckled, like he’s clinging to consciousness and composure with tooth and nail.

It’s hard to watch. He’s just a kid.

“I just want to turn the monitor off,” Mikey says affably. “That noise is driving me crazy.”

Little Blue dips his chin, a clipped nod. Mikey crosses the room at a steady pace, and opts to yank the plug out of the wall instead of getting any closer to the kid than absolutely necessary to fiddle with buttons.

They’re an arms length away from each other. Mikey offers him another smile; bigger and brighter now, because he’s been smiling this whole time and he wants the kid to see the difference.

Something goes loose in the striped turtle’s shoulders. A guard going down despite himself.

Then two things happen in quick succession:

Raph and Leo, who probably got the same alert on their phones that Donnie did and doubled back, appear in the doorway so suddenly that even Mikey’s heart jumps a bit in surprise.

And a flickering blue light engulfs the room as the needle in the striped turtle’s hand glows, changes shape, and becomes a full-sized katana, a dangerous length of real steel blade and handsome wooden hilt where none of it existed a second ago.

The kid is on his feet, against the wall, the cot a barrier between himself and everyone else in the room. That false bravado has fallen away and the earlier fear has stepped forward. His whole body is trembling, but the hand wrapped around the hilt of his sword is still.

Then Leo says, low and urgent, “Mikey catch him he’s going to—”

It’s just barely enough warning. Mikey springs forward and manages to get his arms around Little Blue before he folds like paper, collapsing against Mikey’s plastron. His sword clatters to the floor with a loud, clean ring of metal against stone.

Leo and Donnie both cross the room at a run. Raph follows at a slower clip, looking as bewildered as Mikey feels.

“What the fuck,” he says, with feeling. “Could he do that the whole time?”

“That’s a no,” Leo replies tersely. “I told you, his spiritual energy is—all used up. He’s running on empty. He shouldn’t have done that.”

That brings Mikey out of it. He draws the kid closer, a little further away from everyone who might try to scold him, and snaps, “He’s scared!”

It takes all the anger out of Leo in one fell swoop. It’s easy, because there wasn’t much anger to begin with. That’s just what his worry looks like sometimes. He and Raph butted heads so often when they were kids because they were so much alike they couldn’t stand it.

Mikey doesn’t know what it feels like to be an older sibling, but he thinks it might feel something like this. And his brothers look understanding when they look at him, like his sudden prickly, out-of-place temper makes all the sense to them in the world.

“Bring him back up here,” Donnie says, patting the bed. “You’re right, Mike. He doesn’t feel safe. So we’ll let him keep his sword. Maybe that way he won’t feel the need to ruin more of my equipment.”

Mikey juts his chin out stubbornly, even as he stands up and lifts the kid onto the bed.

“He can summon as many swords as he wants,” Mikey says, defiant.

Something about it makes Raph shake his head.

“God, it’s a good thing you weren’t the oldest,” Raph says, his voice rich and warm the way it is when he’s only barely not laughing. “We would’ve gotten away with murder.”

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt movie #tmnt 2k12 #hamato leonardo #hamato michelangelo #hamato donatello #my writing #tmnt fic #coming right on back for you

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manicinnerthoughts · 1 year

Text

I realized today that a huge part of my issue is that I genuinely have no idea who I am. I don't think I ever really knew who I was. I adopted my brother's taste in music and my mother's love for art. The only thing I know for sure is that I am a black female with a shitload of trauma.

I didn't get to grow up with any black influences in my life. Never met my dad's side of the family, the only black figures in my life were my mom's countless boyfriends, and I went to all predominantly white schools.

I've always felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I remember when I was a kid I was constantly told I'm the whitest black girl they'd ever met. It didn't help that I was light-skinned, but that's not what they were referring to; they were referring to the fact that I didn't "act black".

We were too white for the very few black kids we knew but black enough for the white kids to ask us why we didn't live in the projects and the white churchgoers to ask us if we were adopted.

My mom used to think it was funny to say that she's blacker than we are because she grew up with all black people and went to predominantly black schools. Yet somehow didn't think it was important for her black children to experience anything other than whiteness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another thing I have realized recently is that nobody knows me outside of the basic information: my name, where I grew up, my favorite color, my hobbies, and my favorite animals. Even my IRL friends couldn't tell you anything about my life, any genuine knowledge about me.

I want people to know me, but my adult life and my childhood have been 90% trauma and I don't even know where to begin to explain this shit to anyone. I mean, I guess I kinda did that above; I'd like to say that the issues surrounding my ethnicity and identity sums up my childhood trauma, but that's not even the beginning.

I guess it really started by being repeatedly ripped away from my family. I had been in 5 RTFs, 2 respite homes, 2 foster homes, and 3 outpatient facilities by the time I was 17 (which is actually when I was diagnosed with autism). On top of that, we lived in 4 different homes before I graduated high school so I quite literally moved around my entire life.

Imagine being 5 years old and having just been removed from your household for the very first time. Now imagine going through that regularly throughout your childhood. That alone fucks kids up.

My entire life consisted of being the new girl; getting used to new rules, adjusting to new personalities, struggling to make friends; making friends then leaving them.

That's a lot of change for an undiagnosed autistic child (or even an NT child) to go through.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My life has been a majority of being abused and I genuinely have very few happy memories growing up. My mom has done a lot of fucked up things to me; she's called me racial slurs, thrown things at me, hit me, and even burned me, but none of that compares to the fact that she did nothing to protect me from her boyfriend (I'm assuming you understand where this is going. I don't want to go into detail) Instead of being a loving mother and breaking up with him to keep me safe she kicked me out a few months after I graduated.

That's how I left one abuser for another.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had just graduated high school & moved directly into a homeless shelter for a little while. Before I got kicked out I started talking to a guy I went to school with and he said I could stay with him for a while. I was so happy to get out of there that I said yes and I moved in with him.

I stayed with him for 8 years and during those 8 years I was raped repeatedly, held hostage, beaten, and he tried to kill me twice (I know a lot of you are probably thinking you could've just left, but we lived in a third-story apartment and he quite literally imprisoned me. I am also epileptic so I didn't have a license and no family to stay with).

To this day I automatically assume everyone I meet is going to hurt me. My friends have hurt me, my mom has hurt me, the man who claimed he loved me has hurt me. I genuinely fear getting close to people now to the point I isolate myself in a room.

I have tried so hard to heal from all of the shit I have been through. I'm afraid I'm stuck hating myself and everyone around me and I have no clue how to change my view of myself and my view on the world around me.

I know this has probably jumped around a lot and for that I apologize. This has just been me manically writing about shit I struggle to cope with.

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keischreiber · 2 months

Text

While I do have my headcanons and whatnot between Reiner and Kristina...

I do want an RP that does not involve it. Because my usual RP process doesnt usually involve my headcanons about relationships, but just the base info about my OC and then I go from there as to what bonds they'll form in the process.

Like how... when I started RPing Naruto, I originally planned for Kiomi to have a ship with Itachi... which in the beginning sort of happened when I found RPers to RP with... but lacked chemistry. However the chemistry came in the most unexpected of packages which was Jiraiya. Now, don't kill me because there is most literally an age gap there because hi. Kiomi is the same age as Naruto and Jiraiya is well... the same age as Kiomi's lord and savior, Orochimaru. But don't worry. Nothing happens. Because the part about age gap that I love is the angst of never being able to be truly together because of multiple reasons. What's fun for me is exploring the character's internal feelings, and how it changed them (if it did) as a person. Plus I only have a main Jiraiya that I RPed that with so it's not like it's gonna be every Jiraiya. Because again. Chemistry is very important as well as being on the same page. I like internal struggles, okay. Kiomi hates me for the amount of shit I put her through, I'm basically a walking war crime to her.

I like organic bonds between characters. And in that one, despite them being the ship, romance never became the main focus, but their relationship as teacher and student. The way Jiraiya brought out the humanity in her after leading a life of just being a tool. I think that's a form of love too that no amount of groping or sexing up can easily accomplish. Which is why, despite Jiraiya's nature and hobbies, it was never a thing that transpired between them. It's always life lessons on how to be a better human being, or how to handle difficulties in a world teeming with war. How to go about the future, and the responsibilities a master passes down to his student in case he departs for the afterlife. Jiraiya and Kiomi is literally the most wholesome thing I've experienced in RP. There are shipping jokes intertwined of course, because it's still a ship. Because Kiomi can be very thoughtless and say stupid things. So. She gets the lesson: Are you ready for the consequences of your insinuations?

I mean, look at the difference. From "I will kill you without a single thought" to "Hello, I can human now".

In her Fate verse, she is suffering. 😂 But is also learning how to human because as is, she wouldn't mind killing things so long as it's amusing. Plus her main servants are the Guda Guda servants. 😂 So like... This be the gang that promotes "murder is okay" (except for Ryouma. Murder is not okay) She does have a ship. Which is Izo. And her bestie is Nagayoshi. And she will kill for Nobunaga and Kicho (my friend's OC who is canonically Nobunaga's wife).

But her main servant is Mitsuhide. Look at her with her dumb Caster.

So yeah, like in terms of AoT.

In my main hc that's just for me... She love and tries to build a relationship with Reiner through whatever pinhole she can use to actually do that.

But in terms of RPs... I wonder what it'd be like. Who would she genuinely develop feelings for outside of a childhood crush? Would she gravitate to someone else? Would bonds become stronger? Would they not like each other? Would she have a change of heart? Who does she become friends with, what will she do when something important comes up?

I think about it so much.

But I also want Kristina to be friends with Jean so they can police their reckless boyfriend post rumbling... from accidentally hurting himself because it's sometimes automatic that he thinks he can still heal. Anyway. Guilty pleasure. Dont mind me.

#kei's mumblings #kiomi zaiachi #kristina qual #I've had Kiomi since 2006 #a lot has happened to her #a lot #kei's doodles #so yeah like #RPwise my headcanons take a backseat unless the other party is interested in it #so we can build something more genuine #then it becomes our shared headcanon #which is nice #all of the stuff here are based on RPs #along with the bonds and dynamic built trough it.

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poohkeepsee · 3 years

Text

I was going through my AO3 bookmarks, and I wanted to organize them a little bit. These are my Dean/Cas canon-ish fic recs.

season 5

canticles by 2street2car Words: 10,311 Chapters: 1

“But you know something? If I couldn’t get you laid, at least I gave you a good first date.”feat: footsies at a Ruby Tuesday, stargazing, the recreation of an iconic "Dirty Dancing" scene (no, not that one—the other one), and practicing for When You're With A Girl.

FTBYAM MY BELOVED

post season 6

Someone Who's Feeling For Me by ellispark Words: 45,876 Chapters: 1

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

post bunker

Sun Can't Set Until Nine by LeverDrift Words: 67,939 Chapters: 16

Cas moves into the bunker as his powers start to fail. Dean doesn’t know if the arrangement is as permanent as he wants it to be. He's also not sure why he keeps dreaming about his friend. All he knows is that he wants Cas to stay. Overall warnings: canon-typical miscommunication & Dean having self-hatred issues.

Life Skills by ilovehowyouletmefall Words: 26,052 Chapters: 3

After Metatron steals Castiel's grace, and Cas comes to live in the bunker, Dean spends a lot of time with him, sharing all of his favourite things. Dean can't help it if sharing things with Cas just makes everything better. Besides, it's Dean's job as Cas' friend to introduce him to the joys of human life. To teach him how to be human. And if one of the experiences they end up sharing is sex with women, well... that's just part of Dean's job as Cas' friend too, right? The desire is triangulated, the rituals are intricate.

Sam Stole My Boyfriend by sobsicles Words: 8,445 Chapters: 1

“Dude, you’ve been staring at me a lot lately, like even enough that Sam noticed. More than usual. So, like, what’s up?” Dean pauses, purses his lips and reconsiders. “What did I do?”

Cas knows that would be a perfect time to confess to Dean what exactly happened and what he was thinking. Maybe, Dean had some insight into the situation or even some kind of comfort to offer. But, the longer that he sat there, he realized that he could not tell Dean absolutely anything. So instead, for the first time, Cas fumbled.

“Um,” Cas mutters and abruptly stands. “Freckles?”

Dean blinked up at him as Cas pivoted and left the room. There was only one remaining option he had and unfortunately, it involved Sam.

Aching in the Absence of You by sobsicles Words: 95,090 Chapters: 10

Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back.

He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales.

"Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time.

By nightfall, Cas is gone.

'Communication' by JustAnotherSamlicker Words: 11,656

The same story told from two perspectives.

Dean bought a house and he and Cas fix it up.

Is Dean moving out? Is Cas moving in?

Should they just talk to each other already? (Yes they should)

Build a Home by domesticadventures Words: 20,102

After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them.

He doesn't

season 10

The Most Important Thing by NorthernSparrow Words: 94,462 Chapters: 14

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

season 12

Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord Words: 42,922 Chapters: 7

Canon-divergent from 12.08

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

season 13

i want to do with you (what spring does with cherry trees) by sobsicles Words: 74,173 Chapters: 8

Dean keeps going back.

When he arrives, it's always to blooming flowers and a windmill in the background, not too far from a brook, the sun painting the plains.

He likes it there. He likes to stand in front of the makeshift urn and check that it's still where he put it, switching out the flowers when they wilt. He likes to listen to the sound of birds chirping, insects singing, the faint sound of water trickling in the distance. He likes to turn his face up and feel the sun on his skin, wondering if Cas would do the same if he were here, somehow knowing that he would.

He likes to talk.

There's never a response, but Dean feels the breeze rustle through his hair and watches the flowers bob when bees come to them and stares as the windmill keeps turning, turning, turning. And he imagines that Cas is replying—the windmill is the tilted head, the bobbing flowers are a gentle smile, the breeze is whatever words Dean wants to hear at the time.

Sometimes, it's almost like he's there.

Trial and Tribulations of Raising a Nephilim by Sickandtiredofyou Words: 14,910 Chapters: 6

Dean has far too much on his plate, losing his mom, his best friend and now being a single parent to a newborn nephilim.

In which Jack is an actual newborn instead of a teenager.

post season 13

dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination) by sobsicles Words: 108,427 Chapters: 4

Freedom is just one adjustment after the next.

Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want."

"What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before."

"Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out."

"Easier said than done."

Reasons to read this:

Dean reads a story that ends like despair and his reaction is FUCK THAT

Cas wears Dean's hoodie

Jack is a toddler

The Jack and Claire sibling energy we deserve

Eileen being awesome and pulling pranks with Dean while Sam thinks she's an angel

Sam knows

YOUR HONOR THEY'RE IN LOVE

First Date by aeli_kindara Words: 8,968 Chapters: 1

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

Also known as the Dean Winchester makes the first move fic.

season 14

Broken Road by thegeminisage Words: 109,629 Chapters: 7

A 14.13 Lebanon rewrite. When Dean uses a wish-granting pearl to try and kill the archangel Michael before he can escape the cage in Dean's head, they instead wind up with a newly-resurrected John Winchester.

It's been more than a decade since John died, and a lot has changed: Mary is alive, Sam and Dean have what passes for a proper home in the Men of Letters Bunker, and they're living with angels. John doesn't know angels are real, he doesn't know about the fragile new relationship between Dean and Castiel, and most of all, he doesn't know that Dean said yes to Michael, or that Dean's plan to defeat Michael would send him to a fate worse than death.

Now Dean must contend with both his father asking questions he can't answer, and his loved ones learning about the darker truths of his childhood, all while constantly battling the archangel trapped inside him. But Dean coming to terms with his history may be the difference between this being the beginning of a journey—or the end.

post season 15

fools and pilgrims by lagaudiere Words: 31,904 Chapters: 2

Claire shows up at the bunker a day before Dean was planning to leave, with her hair cut short and a fresh tattoo on her left arm under a bandage. Chuck is dead, Jack has given up his godlike powers, and Cas is back from the Empty, which doesn't make it any easier for Dean to talk to him. Suddenly finding himself in a world without monsters, supernatural forces, or any need for hunters, Dean's solution is to go on a road trip. Claire tags along.

Dean-Claire mirror fic post Despair

what's missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles Words: 27,403

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

canon(?) au (Hunters and Men of Letters)

Dean Winchester's Secret (Angel) Boyfriend by reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent Words: 11,191 Chapters: 1

Dean Winchester isn't exactly a team player. So when he starts mentioning a new Hunting partner, Ellen and Jo Harvelle aren't sure whether they should be worried or relieved.

But they're starting to get the feeling there's something important Dean's not telling them about Cas...

Shot Through The Heart by peanutbutterjelly-pie (Aleakim) Words: 11,191 Chapters: 1

Dean is a hunter.

Castiel is a Man of Letters.

And even though they have to work together on a regular basis, there is not much sympathy between them. Castiel thinks Dean too brash and reckless while Dean in return sees nothing more in the other man than a rude asshole with an obsessive love for books and a truly terrible fashion sense.

But fate clearly has a funny way of throwing those two together over and over again.

And somewhere along the way feelings change into something neither of them would have expected.

#destiel #deancas #fic recs

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thedistrictsleepsalonetonight · 3 years

Text

Cupid is stupid (Or Weiss asks a lot of questions and finds love in all the softer places)

Falling in love, Weiss discovers, rather inconveniently in the middle of a fight, is a lot like wielding a weapon.

There’s the push and the pull, the drawing blood and taking of it. Weiss is rather inclined to think of it as a violent, bloody dance — the way she’s almost constantly tripping over her own feet trying to follow her partner when she has no idea what her next move will be. Then, of course, there’s the fact that whoever she’s dancing with is equally as clumsy as she happens to be, which Ruby definitely is.

“Thank me later,” she quips, after she’s done saving the idiot’s ass for the millionth time in her life. And then it hits her right in the chest, not a Grimm’s blow, not a weapon, and worse that Cinder’s fiery spear that had impaled her a couple days ago — this is affection. Not the kind she feels for Yang or Blake or any of their other friends, it’s the kind that turns her inside out whenever she so much as sees a malevolent force heading towards Ruby. The kind that automatically reaches out to touch Ruby when she’s near, that draws her eyes, unbidden to search her out in a fight.

Ruby catches her a while later, holding onto her hand as she hangs off a moving train, and Weiss can do nothing other than blink back at her — at her bright eyes, and her hair whipping around in the wind. She then proceeds to whisk them both to between two train carriages, in a flurry of red. When Weiss tries to step away, to catch her breath, she finds she’s stuck to the ground, or more accurately, entangled with Ruby. They’ve got their arms wrapped tight around each other, and with every movement, strands of Ruby’s hair land onto her face. Weiss doesn’t know it then, but all of her molecules have indeed just been rearranged. She has a feeling that stupid thing in her chest has been put back together to form Ruby’s name instead.

*****

It’s almost offensive how easily she feels the cold when she’s supposed to be the Ice-Queen. Yang would say something stupid about her not having a thick skin because she grew up in the literal lap of luxury (and she would be right, but that’s beside the point) and Blake would probably punch her in her arm, but thankfully, nobody’s noticed yet. So she stands in the corner of the porch, looking out at the rapidly falling snow outside the creepy house.

“You’re cold,” Ruby murmurs when she sidles up to her.

Of course. Of course Ruby sees. “Everyone’s cold,” Weiss says back.

Ruby shrugs, gently reaches for her hands, her eyes on Weiss’ the entire time. Is this okay, she seems to be asking, and Weiss, helpless, can only nod.

Ruby covers Weiss’ hands with her own, raises it to her face and like it’s a secret, breathes warm air into their cupped palms. She’s no longer looking right at Weiss, instead focusing her attention onto their hands, and Weiss, like any other time she’s lucky enough to get to stare at Ruby freely, takes this opportunity to do so. The cold in her bones has instead been replaced with warmth — Ruby warmth, the particular shade that she can only find around Ruby — and even the tremendous crash of Qrow and Jaune breaking down the door registers to her as though coming from far, far away.

Ruby blows one last gust of warm air into their hands before they make their way inside. She doesn’t let go, though. Weiss realizes she didn’t want her to, anyways.

*****

There are around ten people in the house besides the three people who actually live there, and not enough beds. It’s a logistical nightmare.

“Or,” Nora says, smirking in a very wink-wink-nudge-nudge way while she side-eyes Ren, “it’s an opportunity.”

Ren colors, fiddles with his collar until he’s sunk half into it. They’re all polite enough to look away; the sight of Ren, embarrassed is physically painful to witness.

“We’ll — we’ll manage, won’t we?” Ruby pipes up, smiling brightly, and Weiss sees them all smile back in reflex. Sometimes she wonders if she’s the only one Ruby can twist around her little finger — other times she is reminded that she just has that effect on people. Why else would they follow her to the ends of the planet? When Ruby talks, people believe.

(When Ruby talks, Weiss physically feels her heart careening out of control, skidding into a blind curve with no idea what lying ahead. On and on and on, like Ruby’s running up ahead and Weiss follows, with just her voice for company)

They end up cramped in two rooms — Maria gets the bed in the guest room, in honor of her being practically a fossil, a fact that gets Yang’s ears boxed when she says it aloud. Oscar, Jaune, Nora and Ren plant mattresses on the free space on the floor and are snoring in fifteen minutes. Qrow claims he won’t sleep much, and finds a rocking chair that he pulls close to the window, and he sits there, swigging rum ominously every once in a while. The rest of them decide to concede the couch in the living room to Ruby, who looks the most exhausted. And when Weiss gets up because she can’t sleep, she sees Blake and Yang snoozing next to each other, their hands loosely held close to Blake’s chest.

“Can’t sleep either, huh?” she hears from somewhere beside her when she goes out to the porch, and whirls around, only to see Terra sitting in the corner. Adrian is perched on her lap, watching the soft snow drizzling outside.

Weiss smiles at her, feeling a little awkward about the entire thing. Shrugs. “Shouldn’t he be.... asleep?” A quick glance at the clock confirms her suspicions. It’s almost one.

Terra chuckles. “He conked out at seven. He wakes up in the middle of the night at least once. This — this helps him go back to sleep. Plus,” she pauses to bend a little and deposit a tiny kiss on top of his tiny head, “it’s one of the few minutes I get to spend with him in the day.”

Weiss thinks of her own childhood, of nightmares and staying up all night terrified, because there was no way, absolutely no way she was allowed to wake her parents up for any reason besides imminent death. The Schnee estate was vast, confusing and filled with entirely too many showpieces no one would ever use, full of winding staircases that lead nowhere close to comfort.

This house is tiny and full of love. Every dent on the couch talks of tickle fights and places someone was so happy that they bounced their way into almost breaking it; the lower parts of the walls are scribbled over with crayons and blue hearts and stick figures of smiling people. She thinks back to dinner when Oscar and Nora burned whatever pie abomination they were supposed to be baking and then they’d all crammed into that tiny space to try to salvage it, and Weiss could’ve sworn even the tiny gaps between them were overflowing with love.

(This is a house someone would want to walk into at the end of the day. A place of shelter. A home)

“Jaune did mention you, you know?” Terra says, after a while, and Weiss is startled out of her train of thought. “In his letters to Saphron when you kids were at Beacon. He was particularly effusive in his description of you.”

“Oh dear lord,” she says, burying her face in her hands because that phase of her life seems so far, far away now. “I’m so glad he got over it. Not before singing an awful made-up song on his guitar, though.”

Terra laughs, softly, and Weiss notices that Adrian’s fallen asleep against her chest, his head resting on the arm she’s moved awkwardly to brace him.

“Saph worries about him,” Terra says. “He makes sure to text her updates, but she can tell when he’s left a lot out. He’ll text her something like roadtrip and she knows to translate it to we’re on the run and have no idea where our next meal is coming from. He’s her only brother and kinda the baby of the family. And she.... she frets.”

“And when she worries, you worry,” Weiss completes.

When Terra looks up at her next, it is with all of her emotions plain on her face to see. Weiss reads consternation, affection, helpless desperation and blinding, blinding love before she bites at her lip and wipes it clean. Nods.

Weiss goes back inside a couple of minutes after they do, Adrian’s head hanging off his mother’s shoulder as they make their way to his room. When she walks in, she catches a glimpse of Qrow, snoring with a blanket now thrown across his torso, and movement off the corner of her eye. Oscar gives her a boyish grin, holds up a finger to his lips, before he disappears back to the guest room. She climbs over Yang and Blake, and finds her way, inexplicably, to Ruby’s side.

At some point in the night, Ruby had apparently kicked off her sheets and they now lay half-thrown over her legs. Weiss kneels at her head, looks on. At her impossibly young features, and her mouth that has fallen open, and the few strands of hair that are strewn across her forehead. Weiss wants to kiss the spot where they meet, wants to kiss the tiny freckle just beside her nose, her snoring mouth. She flushes, and balls her hands up into tight, wanting fists.

When the urge passes (passes in a way that thirst in the desert passes, always there beneath the surface, just pushed back down enough so one can concentrate on more important things), she pulls the sheets up over her body, and tucks the ends, carefully over her shoulders. Her fingers wander, unprompted, to Ruby’s face, where they trace the path of her hair, and brush it away. Once. Twice.

And Ruby stirs beneath her hand, and then is staring at her, wide-eyed. There is no fanfare to how she wakes up, no protracted sigh or stretching. Weiss guesses it’s a product of their on-the-run lives — when there is no time to breathe, one gets used to waking and sleeping easily. In the end there they are, with Weiss kneeling next to Ruby, their faces shrouded in moonlight, staring at each other.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” she whispers, after a beat. Her hand is still resting on Ruby’s face. When she moves to bring it back, Ruby stirs. Her hand comes up to cover Weiss’, keeping it there.

“It’s okay,” Ruby whispers back, still holding her goddamned hand close to her face. Weiss can feel her breath tripping all over itself, like it’s not sure what to do in such close proximity. It’s almost intimate, she imagines, the both of them with their heads huddled together. If she leaned forward a smidge, their foreheads would touch. A head tilt — and here the thought makes her feel hot all over — and they would be kissing.

(The distance suddenly feels almost awfully unbearable to her)

Ruby’s still staring up at her, her eyes still wide and serious. When it all becomes too much, Weiss moves her hand to cover her eyes.

Ruby’s lips curve up in a sleepy smile. “What?”

“Stop,” she says, flustered, “stop looking at me.”

“But I like looking at you,” Ruby tells her, sounding amused and Weiss is one hundred percent sure she is going to die tonight.

(She doesn’t mean it she doesn’t mean it she doesn’t mean it she doesn’t — then — she means it in a different way than what you’re hoping for so shut up shut up shut up)

“Shut up,” she says, finally, then adds. “Dunce.”

Ruby giggles, then her mouth stretches open into the hugest yawn ever. Weiss laughs, boops her nose, because she simply must.

“Sleep, okay?” she says, one last time. Then, without thinking too much about it, she leans down and presses her lips to Ruby’s forehead.

She’s not sure, but Ruby looks a little like she’s blushing. She blinks a few times, then says: “Now I will.”

Weiss’ mattress is just below the couch. Five minutes after she lies down on it, she feels Ruby’s hand travel down and rest on her head. It is to the continuous motion of her hand through Weiss’ hair that sleep finally takes her when it does.

*****

Winter is all angles and bones. Not just physically, but also in the way she carries herself. She is sharp edges and words that cut easily. Weiss knows it’s not just her — the Schnee family tends to make knives out of people and then set them upon the rest of the world to hurt and maim. Weiss knows that better than anyone else, knows that some blades draw blood unwillingly.

Also knows that Winter is trying her very best to change.

But her posture is still ramrod straight, refusal to relax written into every single one of her cells. They’ve all split up after their celebration for their newest promotion to Huntsmen and Huntresses: Yang and Blake having disappeared on a trip to explore the city, Ren, Nora and Jaune off to gorge on Atlesian delicacies, and they’d left Oscar practicing sparring with Ruby. Winter had dropped in to invite her out to a celebratory dinner at Atlas’ finest dining establishment, and so here they were, sitting awkwardly in front of each other, eating whatever was on their plates.

Weiss wonders if Winter would die of shock if she dared to reach over and steal one of the dumplings on her plate. The Weiss of two years ago wouldn’t even have entertained the thought.

Today, she thinks about it maybe five seconds before picking one up and shoving it into her mouth.

Winter’s eyebrows are arched. “You know Father would disapprove of the declination of your table manners.”

“Good thing I don’t care, then,” she replies, flippantly. “Do you?”

Winter rolls her eyes, takes a sip of her wine. “You’re my sister, Weiss. You could take half my liver and I’d only call you a boob. Or something equivalent.”

That’s how Winter Schnee loves. In casual gestures, in standing behind Weiss, ready to sacrifice herself at a moment’s notice. It is not the unwavering, adoring devotion of Yang and Ruby — Yang wouldn’t even entertain the thought of a potential hurt coming her sister’s way, jumping into action to save her before she even asks. Winter, however, needs to make sure Weiss can take care of herself, only hanging back in case things get too dire.

She smacks her hand with the chopsticks when Weiss reaches for another one. “I offered up a liver, you go looking for my heart? Behave, Weiss.”

It makes her laugh.

And it’s this foreign.... ease, for lack of a better word, that has Weiss’ tongue loose enough for her to shoot Hey, Winter, you ever been in love before an hour later, when they’re walking back to the military complex.

Her sister seems to be choking on thin air — she coughs and squawks and makes all sorts of undignified noises, before smacking Weiss on her head to make her stop laughing.

“I’m sorry,” Weiss says, when that hysterical bout is over. “Just wanted to see the look on your face. You don’t, you don’t have to answer that if it’s too personal.”

“Imbecile,” Winter mutters, but she turns to face her anyway. They’re almost at the building that has their apartment, and they stop almost simultaneously, standing in front of each other and trying very hard to avoid looking into each other’s eyes.

Winter hesitates, then speaks again. “Really want to know?”

Oh. Wow. Okay. “Yes,” she nods, trying to look casual about the whole thing.

“Once,” Winter tells her, running her hands through her perfectly coiffed hair in a very uncharacteristic move. “Before I joined the military.”

“And what happened?” Weiss asks, after a prolonged pause.

Winter’s smile is both sad and amused. “Father found out about her. What do you think?”

And she doesn’t know if it’s the easily dropped pronoun, or the way she can still read the utter loneliness in her sister’s eyes, but Weiss finds herself taking a step forward and wrapping Winter up in a hug.

(Winter is all angles and bones)

And stiff limbs. “What,” her sister says, hesitantly, “Weiss, what are you doing?”

“Hugging you.”

“We don’t do that,” comes the prim response.

“We also don’t steal food off of each other's plates, Winter,” she replies, easily, still acutely conscious of the way Winter is just pressed against her stiffly. “As far as major changes go, I personally wouldn’t mind seeing a lot more of this.”

Winter’s arms come up, finally and hang loosely off her shoulders. As far as hugs go, it’s not the most comfortable one.

(As far as hugs go, it’s one of the best Weiss has ever had)

And that’s' the moment, she becomes aware of movement from somewhere up high. Winter’s back is facing the building, so she’s in the perfect position to tilt her head up and see—

(What in God’s name?)

Oscar, Jaune, Nora, Ruby, Blake and Yang and crammed into the same window, peeking out at them, and appear to be giggling furiously. Ren, thankfully, seems to have enough dignity to not stoop to the level of these utter pains in her ass.

“What the—”

“Weiss?” Winter asks, still awkwardly hugging her. “Something wrong?”

She laughs. “Depends on what you define as wrong,” she says, and disentangles, so Winter can turn around and see for herself.

“Oh dear.”

A chorus comes sailing from above. “Hi, Officer Winter!” they all say, and then disperse, laughing madly. Only Ruby remains in the end, waving at them shyly.

Winter, to her utter surprise (and really, it shouldn’t have been. If the evening had taught her anything, it was that she didn’t give her sister enough credit), waves back. When she turns back to Weiss, she’s even smiling a little.

“I like that one,” she tells her, eyes glinting with what Weiss can only define as mirth.

“Everyone likes her,” Weiss replies, shrugging.

“Do you?” Winter’s eyebrows are raised, and Weiss cannot help dropping her gaze, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of her neck. Winter’s hand falls on her hair, ruffles it up a little.

Her parting words are Be careful, you boob. Weiss pretends not to understand.

*****

Blake and Yang are easy to figure out. Even Weiss, who has a general tendency of being clueless in these matters, can see the way Blake kind of — withers, when Yang isn’t around. There’s a light in her eyes that’s only visible when Yang’s close to her, a subtle confidence in her shoulders that says Yeah, I’m good now. Blake and Yang carry their love in their bodies, always moulding themselves to the other’s relative position. Weiss is sure even they don’t realize it yet, the way they always seem to come together when they’re in the same room, this unconscious meeting of opposite poles that ends in relief. They’re tangled hands, arms resting around shoulders, feet nudging each other, eventually leading up to secret smiles in team meetings.

Sometimes, Weiss is sick of the whole thing.

Oftentimes, Weiss wants them to be happy so, so much that she fights the urge to push them into a room together for two hours.

“They’ll be back soon, you know?” she tells Blake, who hasn’t moved from the window since they finally made contact with the rest of the team. Blake whirls around, relaxes, then accepts the coffee Weiss is holding out to her.

“Thanks,” Blake says. “I just—”

“I know, I know. You worry.”

“I just,” she says, tugs at her hair with her free hand, “I just, I don’t know how anyone does it. Stay away, I mean, I — it’s like I can’t breathe properly when I don’t see her.”

And Weiss has done it once, a long time ago, although the magnitude of her feelings wasn’t known to her back then. Back when her father had locked her up in an ivory tower and she had no idea what Blake or Yang or Ruby were doing, if they were even alright. But she still stayed up all night, wondering if Ruby was okay, if she had eaten, if she was thinking about Weiss.

She imagines having to leave Ruby for a moment now, and the melancholy that washes over her almost brings her to her knees.

“Some hypocrite you are,” she says, teasing Blake gently, “with all the find yourself schtick you gave Nora earlier.”

She laughs, and Weiss finds herself hoping it’s taken her mind off of Yang for at least a little while.

“I like your brother,” she says, then. “He’s adorable.”

“Can you say that to him, please?” Weiss begs her. “And can I please be in the room when you do so?”

There’s another moment of levity. “Hey,” she starts, frowning a little. “Do you know where he is right now? Haven’t seen either him or my mother after the whole Grimm debacle.”

“I last saw him with Ruby,” Blake says. “I think he’s.... quite taken to her, actually.”

Weiss sighs. “Of course.”

(Ruby is the pied piper, after all. Everyone would follow her to the ends of the planet)

(Weiss? Weiss would walk with her beyond it)

Blake grins at her.

“What?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she says, mischievously. “Seems he’s not the only Schnee who’s quite taken with her.”

(Blake deserves the massive bump running headlong into the glyph Weiss conjures up in the next second. No doubts about that)

*****

The end of the world comes after the night before the end of the world.

Like a protracted moment of utter calm before the cacophony starts, they all comes together, and eventually split up to the places that give them the most peace. Weiss takes a tour of the house once. Her mother’s sleeping on a chair next to Whitley’s bed; Weiss covers her with a blanket before she moves on. Jaune and Oscar are sitting guard over Penny, next to Ren, who has squeezed himself in beside Nora. Yang smiles at her warmly when she comes upon her and Blake in another room. Blake’s fallen asleep with her head resting on Yang’s lap. She wanders around for a little while more, until she finally comes upon Ruby in her bedroom.

“Why is it,” Weiss says, “that most of the time I meet you, I have to tell you to go to sleep?”

Ruby turns, smiles at her, but the smile is fractured in places. Weiss takes a step forward, closer.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“Nothing, nothing, I,” Ruby takes a deep breath, looks around. “I can’t believe you lived here.”

Weiss lets her change the topic. “What’s so unbelievable about that?”

“Just doesn’t look like you, that’s all.”

“That’s because I don’t exactly belong here.”

“Where do you belong then?” Ruby asks, looking right at her.

With you. “With all of you,” she says. It’s true. “Blake and Yang. And Jaune and Nora and Ren and Oscar. And even — that stupid alcoholic uncle of yours. And—”

“—and?” she asks, a lopsided grin on her face.

“And you.”

Ruby sighs, steps forward so they’re in each other’s personal space.

“Weiss,” she says once, quietly.

Weiss closes her eyes, takes a step forward of her own, blindly, feeling Ruby’s steadying hands on her shoulders, her back, her hair. She feels a hand carefully moving against the scrunchie holding her hair together.

“Can I?”

She nods, feels her hair pulls free. Ruby helps detangle it, the braid, and ends with tender hands, smiles.

“I like your hair,” she says, then makes a soft sound in her throat, urgent, wanting. “Weiss.”

“Yes, Ruby?”

“Weiss, Weiss, Weiss,” Ruby says, again, and now her forehead is tipped against Weiss’.

“What, darling?” Weiss murmurs, and feels Ruby’s shuddering breath in response. There’s a small, desperate kiss pressed to her hair, then her forehead, and amusingly enough, her nose.

“Weiss, I have to tell you—”

“—wait!” she says, not moving. It’s not like she could. A Grimm could be standing in the room right now and it couldn’t draw her away from Ruby. She touches Ruby’s cheek gently, feels Ruby sigh and sink into her palm. “Please — please don’t say what you’re about to.”

(A part of her, the stupid, hopeful part knows what it is and craves it, dreads it, mourns it already)

“And what am I about to say?” Ruby asks, her eyes burning with something Weiss can’t find the words to define.

“Something incriminating, I fear.”

“You fear?”

“Yes. But I also — I hope.”

“Then let me say it,” Ruby implores. She removes her arms from around Weiss, grabs her hands and raises them to her lips. Kisses her knuckles carefully. “Weiss, you know already. You must know.”

“I do, sweetheart, I do,” she says, resting her head against Ruby’s collarbone. The two of them have been circling each other in some dance that Weiss hasn’t been able to pin down yet, have been hurtling, at alarming speeds towards unknown cliffs, and the same way that Ruby has to know that Weiss would split herself end to end for her, that if cut into pieces, Weiss would bleed for her happily, Weiss knows.

(All love is violence. She knows that better than anyone)

“Tell me,” she starts, “tell me when there is peace.”

“But there will never be peace!” Ruby says, and her voice cracks. Weiss raises her hand blindly to press at her cheek and feels the warm moisture sticking there.

She rises on her toes so they’re level again. “There will be.” Weiss would make sure of it. For Yang and Blake, who need time to get their fledgling love off the ground. For Ren and Nora and Jaune who have lost too many friends already. For Oscar, who deserves a chance to grow up and for Qrow, who deserves a chance to feel young again. For Penny and Maria and Pietro and her mother and Whitley and Winter.

For the girl she loves.

For Ruby.

When they kiss, Weiss thinks she’s shattering into a million pieces, like she would never be the same again, even if reformed into someone who resembles Weiss Schnee on the surface. How could she, with the memory of the movement of Ruby’s lips now imprinted on hers, her fingers tracking indelible marks through her hair — tomorrow, she will remember, a week later, she will remember, if somehow, she couldn’t see Ruby for another thirty years, her skin would remind her, every day.

*****

The end of the world comes before the day after the end of the world.

Weiss wakes up in the woods, empty handed. She wakes up, and thinks of Ren and Nora and Oscar, hopes they got to safety. Of her mom and Whitley and Winter. She thinks of Jaune who tried carrying her to the door. Of Yang who fell infinite miles into the void before Blake fell an equal distance to her knees, of finding Gambol Shroud and trying her very best to gather her courage to honor her teammates best.

Weiss wakes up in the woods, stumbles to her feet, looks around. There’s water to be searched for, and sustenance to be gathered. She’s got a long journey ahead of her, after all.

Ruby’s waiting for her.

#rwby #weiss x ruby #whiterose #rwby fanfiction #i have a feeling this is just the start of a lifelong obsession with rwby and writing whiterose fanfic but eh #i simply had to attempt to give weiss schnee some form of happiness - she is my absolute fav character from any media ever #also if you're a regular reader (I'm sorry if you are :P) and you find a metaphor i've repeated no you didn't.....pls #there's only a number of finite ways you can write about falling in love okay? i've checked #anyways - im not sure if its my best attempt at anything but here goes #happy reading!

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thisdreamplace · 3 years

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ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

#eiypo

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vivithefolle · 3 years

Note

“Harry and Hermione are platonic soulmates” “Hermione is Harry’s best friend” okay but like..... is she though? Like yes they’re close friends but Ron is 100% the glue that holds the group together and whenever Harry is alone with Hermione he just seems bored and talks about how he misses Ron and I the reader am also bored and miss Ron. Ron is Harry’s best friend. Ron is the person Harry would miss more than anybody else in the world. Ron is the person Harry loves more than anyone else in the world. Hermione is Harry’s close friend, Ron is Harry’s platonic soulmate. Harry is Hermione’s close friend, but Ron is the love of her life.

To be completely honest, I never really felt anything special between Hermione and Harry. And part of it is due to Harry being extremely detached from people, he’s super cold. He rarely tells us about how he feels about people, mostly he observes how people react around him, and he has this... subtle entitlement? Like, Harry tends to complain about how blah blah fame sucks and he hates it, but at the same time he certainly doesn’t complain when he gets preferrential treatment, and at times even seems offended when he doesn’t get any. He kind of expects his friends to be always 100% down with his ideas and endlessly supportive, and sure he protests and goes “no I must do this alone because I’m a danger to you all” but at the same time when Ron was calling him out on his nonexistent plan for the Horcrux Hunt he sure was quick to go all “how dare you question me!”.

As such... Harry feels really detached and cold, and when I read the series, I end up thinking of him and Hermione more as coworkers working together to attain the same objective than as actual friends. They get excited about big breakthroughs in their cases, they share coffee breaks together and stuff, but... there’s not much else. There’s not... some sense of companionship, of being able to stay in a room together without feeling awkward... I really don’t see “friends”. It’s funny, but “siblings” may actually be the best moniker to put on their relationship, because after all you don’t have to love or care about your sibling.

Harry feels closer to Ron, to a point that I would actually call them true friends, and I certainly love their bond and bromance... but I still can’t shake the feeling that Ron’s giving much more than he’s receiving in this friendship. No wonder the poor guy needed a break at times.

Anyway. Even if you can justify it by his abusive childhood and trauma, Harry’s still kind of a cold bastard and I honestly don’t think he’s a good friend. Truth is, many readers are blinded by the fact that he’s “The Boy Who Lived” and so hype and so they think that obviously, it automatically means he’s a great friend to Ron and Hermione... he’s not? I mean, sure he’s ~sassy~ and whatever but, no, sorry, that’s not enough to make me want to be friends with someone.

(Especially since the ~sassy~ bit can be downright hurtful, too. I mean, think of how many people think of Hermione’s “emotional range of a teaspoon” line is ~iconic~. But had it been spoken to Harry, I don’t think Harmony shippers would have been pleased by it.)

Frankly I think Harry’s coldness is not just a character problem, it’s also very much a Rowling problem. She has problems with empathy sometimes, especially towards characters she seems to deem as “lesser” in her mind - side characters, one-off characters, throwaway characters and such. Like, Hermione’s parents are SO important... that she doesn’t even consider them human beings, instead uses them as narrative tools to showcase Hermione’s “bravery”:

Yes, her sacrifice was massive, completely. A very calculated act of bravery. That is not an ‘in the moment’ act of bravery where emotion carries you through, that is a deliberate choice.

I’m sure Hermione’s parents were delighted to be stripped of their entire mind, life story, identity and sense of self as “proof” that their daughter is brave. Not like we already know Hermione is brave. Not like she was member of the House of the Brave or anything like it. We absolutely needed two innocent non-magical people who couldn’t fight back against magic to be destroyed mentally to showcase what a brave person Hermione is.

Rowling does that with so many characters. She has this twisted sense of justice, of morality, honestly kind of akin to that of teenager’s. Marietta Edgecombe’s scarring feels like a pissed-off kid’s revenge fantasy - Rowling said “I loathe a traitor”, but then you realize that Marietta got a worse punishment even than Peter Pettigrew! Peter gets to slightly redeem himself just before dying in front of Harry and Ron (who even try to save him!!!) but Marietta’s the one who’s gonna have to deal with weird looks all her life due to a disfiguring scar on her face! And you’d think that Mister “I have a scar on my face that people stare at and it makes me uncomfortable :(” himself, Mister “I have a new scar on my hand that a horrible woman inflicted to be as punishment for misbehaviour”, MISTER HARRY FREAKIN’ POTTER WOULD HAVE ENOUGH SENSE TO REALIZE THE SIMILARITIES, but alas. In the same book Rowling had her favourite character emulate the character she had created to be the most despicable person in existence... I wonder if anyone ever told her?

#vivi answers #ask #harry potter #harry potter series #hermione granger #ron weasley #hp meta #meta #hp analysis

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innovativestruggles · 3 years

Text

SouGou theories, thoughts and speculations based on canonical evidence

Alright, I know I am so epically late to the party just like I was with Haikyuu and TsukiYachi but I am here now and I am so sad that a lot of the SouGou shippers have...disappeared...

Regardless, I still want to put forward my own thoughts and speculations on these two because they have given me brainrot over the past few weeks.

So much like the earlier post I did with TsukiYachi, this one will be similar, except I am basing everything on the anime as I have not read the light novel (tbh light novels aren’t really my thing so...). Just to reiterate, when I make any speculations and theories, they are always based on canonical evidence, and of course my own interpretation. I put forward solid evidence so people can see where I am coming from and what I am yapping on about. People are free to draw their own conclusions of what they see in canon, so just because I have a theory with evidence, it does not invalidate another person’s theory of the same evidence...if that makes sense?

Every time I watch a new anime, I always come in with a very neutral mindset. I have a fascination with relationships (hence my ship heavy blog) so I ship characters based on their level of chemistry and compatibility.

Because I am so fashionably late to the party, a lot of the speculations below have been discussed by other SouGou fans. Essentially when I read some of their posts, they pretty much validated what I saw. So I want to credit all those SouGou stans who did the hard yard first on their speculations of these two. This post may already have what was speculated, but it’s nice to have it all in one big post. I will of course add my own thoughts and interpretations as well. So, happy reading!

WARNING: THIS IS A VERY LONG POST

Gou’s Relationship with Other Characters

Sousuke did not make his debut until Season 2, so for all of Season 1, the focus was on Gou and the other characters. To be honest, nothing stood out to me in terms of shipping potential with Gou in Season 1. I do not go into watching anime with the intention of shipping characters - the shipping just automatically occurs when two characters have good chemistry. So with Gou in Season 1, all I saw was a manager being incredibly supportive, friendly, strong willed and determined to see her friends through the swimming club. You may have read my other post on Free! and toxic masculinity, but I did mention in there that what I loved most about Free! was the friendship and the emotional vulnerability. Because Gou is a side character, we never get to see too much of her and how she would develop as a character outside her obsession with muscles. But as viewers, we get the gist of her sweet personality.

Kyoto Animation

Before I dive into the speculations, I want to point out something with KyoAni. For starters, this studio is known for its amazing adaptational works of manga and light novels. When it comes to anime that does not purely focus on romance, they are so so so good with romantic undertones. As much as I do enjoy romance anime, I enjoy ones with subtle undertones of romance even more. I have watched a large portion of anime from KyoAni and I can definitely come to the above conclusion. Although Free! is not a romance genre, there is very subtle light teasing of potential developments between certain characters. Like I mentioned in my Free! post on toxic masculinity, I will disregard that just because the male characters are hugging, crying and showing vulnerable emotions to each other, it does not necessarily mean that there is a romantic development. The very subtle undertones of romance I could see is mostly between Gou, Sousuke and Momo (I will explain more later). So what I am trying to point out in this paragraph is that Free! does have minute traces of romance, because based on what other anime KyoAni produced, there are similarities in how they portray romantic undertones.

SouGou Initial Meeting

The initial meeting did not particularly stand out to me until I watched more scenes and interactions between SouGou later on in the series. What I noticed was the level of admiration Gou has for Sousuke. Again, this was not apparent when I watched the initial meeting scene on its own. I had to see a culmination of scenes between them to realise.

Oh gosh just look at how happy she is seeing Sousuke. If you go back and watch this scene again, she legit just shoved Momo out the way and ran to Sousuke. Lmao poor Momo!

Also....

Momo still staring at SouGou the whole time...

Momo getting pissy lololol (and super jelly)

Gou just looking so happy staring after Sousuke...ughh my heart....

Middle School

Just something I picked up. When Rin transferred to Iwatobi during middle school, it sounded like Gou did not go with him. So she stayed behind in the same middle school together with Sousuke after Rin left. See below.

Because Gou is one year younger than Sousuke, the scene above just sounded like he stopped talking to her when he left for Tokyo when he was a first year high school student and she a third year middle school student...and then the below scene confirmed when and the reason...

In the above scene, Sousuke explained that he hurt his shoulder in the summer of his first year of high school, and then he heard from Gou that Rin was visiting Japan at the time, so I am guessing SouGou must have stopped talking to each other around that time when Sousuke injured his shoulder. The injury was most likely why he stopped talking to her because he knew the consequences...that if Rin found out through Gou... then yeah... so to him it was better to cut off contact with both siblings...omg my heart...my poor baby Sousuke...

Anyways, point is they were definitely still talking when Rin went to Iwatobi and then later Australia. So I wonder how close they were to each other...? They do sound very close...wonder if they walked to and from school together...omfg my heart hurts again...aaaahhhhhhh

Childhood Friends

This trope is so cute and I really like the whole ‘he is my brother’s best friend’ kind of thing. Because we all know how overprotective Rin is of Gou and if there is anyone who is good enough for her, Rin would definitely think it be Sousuke.

LOOK AT HOW PRECIOUS THEY ARE OMG. Love this official artwork of all three of them. And Sousuke has such a sweet gentle expression when he is looking at Gou...

Best part also is that subtle teasing of these two. Anime is always about camera work and specific panels as well, so it just looked like to me that they really wanted to emphasise this scene between SouGou. The snow, the Christmas tree, the childhood friends - all in one frame.

Indirect Moments

These are the moments that started me on the SouGou ship!

Gou sees Sousuke at the train station right after he has been brooding about his shoulder injury

Gou sees Sousuke at the hospital

What I really really liked about these scenes is that every single time Sousuke was having a down moment, or a vulnerable moment in relation to his shoulder injury, Gou happened to be there and witness it. It may be coincidental that she always happen to be in a place and time when Sousuke wasn’t feeling great. I was initially wondering why she never approached him in the moment and then you look at Sousuke’s pissy face and that’s probably why lmao. Regardless, Gou probably knew his state of mind, and hence decided to leave him to it. The look she gave him was more out of curiosity rather than concern but because the anime never went into detail about what she was thinking at the time, it’s hard to tell. Most important thing is that Gou was there during his vulnerable moments, before anyone knew of his shoulder injury...

Jelly Momo

Ngl, I absolutely love Momo, not only because he’s a hilarious character but because Sousuke always unintentionally cockblocks him when it comes to Gou. I just find it so funny. The poor thing. And Gou just has absolutely zero interest in him....

The thing is, Momo knows that Sousuke constantly gets in the way...it has happened several times already and I think he is also beginning to realise that Gou is probably quite fond of Sousuke, hence his very vocal comment about paying attention to him. i just love it how the anime framed it like this because you know it’s a running gag going on between all three.

Also, the look on Sousuke’s face in that above scene...you can’t see it but if you go back and watch it, and it’s only a split second when Momo moves his head, it’s absolutely hilarious. He legit has a “wtf” look on his face 😂

Just going to put this above scene here where Momo gets dragged away. Poor thing. I think at this point, Gou is catching on to something with Sousuke...

After Momo bombarded Gou with his hilarious hobbies, these two just ended up alone together ❤️

Season 3′s ending credits depict a lot of parallels between characters as well as some level of competitiveness between them. So maybe it is just a coincidence here but Sousuke and Momo together probably continues to depict the hilarious running gag between them and Gou. LOL!

Gou’s Concern

No really, when Sousuke walked out and decided to swim with his shoulder injury, the concerned look on Gou’s face. This was the first time in the whole entire series (season 3 included) where Gou showed this much concern...my heart.

When there are problems in the Iwatobi swim club related to a character, a lot of the issues and concerns revolved around the other characters helping each other (Gou would be excluded). She is just a supporting character that does not get a lot screen time. Aside from her managerial duties, we don’t see too much of her during important/significant moments for a main character - unless she is interacting with Rin in some way. So her very minimal “interactions” with Sousuke during his vulnerable moments are considered somewhat significant (even if she just saw him walking by) because they are more symbolic than anything.

Off Screen Interactions

Okay, the amount of times Sousuke talked about Gou...they clearly talk a lot off screen and whether that be through text messages, phone calls or meeting up, I believe they are a combo of all three. I have several reasons to believe that they do hang out together quite a bit.

1. The amount of times Gou keeps bumping into Sousuke randomly (ngl the times the audience sees is probably only a fraction to what actually goes on behind the scenes)

2. In the later episodes, they have been seen walking home together.

3. Some of the things Sousuke said to Rin about Gou would warrant more of a face to face conversation rather than something through text message. I mean unless they talk on the phone (that would be so fucking adorable aaaaahhhhhh)

4. In the CD drama, they have been shown to hang out just the two of them over mediocre stuff so I am sure that would have met up and talked more about other more deeper things with each other

Gou obviously confided in Sousuke how lonely she felt because her older bro was neglecting her

LOOK AT THE AMOUNT OF TIMES HE TALKED ABOUT HER! That obviously indicated they do interact quite some bit off screen. Judging from the things they talked about, it sounded like she was filling him in with what’s going on in her life..and you know just every day stuff... I love it! They are so casual and so comfy with each other <33333333

Platinum Abs

Not counting the fact that I almost choked on my drink when I saw this for the first time, but I was curious to see what Gou thought of them. So I waited....and waited...and waited...and it never came, despite the fact that she was in his presence multiple times when he was looking like this....

And I came across several older posts that pointed this out and it totally validated what I felt as well. Gou, the muscle obsessive freak has not spoken a word about Sousuke’s nationally ranked swimmer’s perfect body. WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT THEM? HE’S FUCKING MASSIVE!! Like..all over....holy shit just look at those guns...like damn fine man.... anyways... so Gou, why have we not heard a single word from you about them? To her, they are probably the best of all the characters in the series ...

And my guess is... Sousuke is most likely special to her. She does not see him as merely an object of muscles (much like she does with the other characters including her own bro) but something more. And whether that is consciously or unconsciously, the outcome is still the same. Because when someone means a lot to you and if you like someone in that way, you are less likely to see them as an object of some fantasy...

The OVA

Yo not gonna leave this one out and if there is anything that really pushed this ship further, it was definitely the OVA.

Sousuke is so pedantic about what people call him (unless you are Nagisa...which he has almost no words for ...). So the only one who can add “kun” to his name is Gou <333333

I’m not going to delve too deeply into this as

1. It is self explanatory

2. A lot of people have already discussed this topic

But, overprotective Sousuke being a sweet guy and lending Gou his jacket is something out of a shojo manga. Even more shojo is that he;

1. Did it himself and not just giving the jacket to her

2. Got overly pissed off at Ai for drenching Gou

3. COULDN’T LOOK AT GOU WHEN HE GAVE HER THE JACKET....like the whole time....ksfklafkhgdshgjdsh

Sousuke isn’t very good with expressing himself, so this scene, out of his own sheer awkwardness, really played into the intimate nature of this potential ship. I’ll explain more later...

P. S. LOOK AT HOW ENORMOUS THE JACKET LOOKS ON GOU...she so schmol (and Sousuke is just massive...). Legit they look like a couple on a date...

Sunset Meeting

Ngl when I first started watching Season 3, this scene came out so unexpectedly I had to replay it just so it would process in my mind that it happened. But aside from the fact that it was framed in a shojo manga kinda way i.e. Gou running towards Sousuke, then walking together in the sunset and then talking about deep and meaningful stuff...you get the drift...I absolutely loved it how Gou was the very first person Sousuke told about his surgery’s success. Omg..swimming and the success of the surgery just meant so much to him and he was already telling Gou about it...

Everything about the particular scene was so so intimate. The scenery, the conversation, the tone of voice, the colours used......everything! Just look at how happy Gou is....

And damn they walked home together ... my heart cannot take it anymore aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

Running Gag

I did notice this trend going on but it didn’t cross my mind until I read a post that it was like a thing between SouGou. Honestly it is so so cute! Gou has this excited pitched, giggle-ish, admiration-like tone every single time she calls out and runs to him. It’s so sweet. You actually never hear it ever when she talks or calls out to any other characters in the series, so Sousuke is indeed very special to her <3

Also...something about Sousuke walking alone and Gou either noticing him or running to him...

Gou and Momo’s Mistaken Date vs. Gou and Sousuke’s Mistaken Date

In Part 4 of the Free Take Your Marks movie, Rin walks by a burger shop and noticed Momo and Gou sitting together and having lunch. He mistakenly thought they were going out on a date, and before the rest of the Iwatobi team could come to the table after order their food, Rin gets a call from Sousuke telling him that he cannot find his way. So Rin dashes off to save Sousuke still with the misunderstanding. The episode is absolutely hilarious on Rin’s part.

Then in the CD drama, there is a story titled “Sousuke and Gou’s secret date.” Of course it is a case of ‘mistaken identity’ but as I stated earlier, these two would hang out with each other to discuss superficial things, so I am certain that they do hang out with each other on occasions to talk about other more deep and meaningful things as well. Considering the things Sousuke has been telling Rin about Gou, you can make an educated guess that SouGou do have their alone times quite a bit off screen.

Anyways, so this is the part where I believe Free has its subtle romantic undertones. I mentioned in my toxic masculinity post that when the male characters were being vulnerable, hugged or cried, that it does not necessarily mean they are gay, or that there would be any romantic development between the characters. You could say the same with SouGou as well, however, the difference lies in how the anime framed it, and the biggest tip that pushed from just a friendship kind of thing to a teasing of a potential romantic thing is the “secret date” part and the running gag between Gou, Sousuke and Momo. We know Momo clearly has romantic interest in Gou, and the interesting thing is...Sousuke being placed in between Gou and Momo numerous times throughout the anime to signify that there is a potential triangle going on. Does this make sense? It is the nuances as a viewer that you can pick up, and it is even more so if you can understand Japanese. I sometimes switch the subtitles off and really just watch what they say and it’s a completely different view. Hard to explain...but that is the vibe I get.

Extras

I just had to put this scene in. JUST LOOK AT GOU LOOKING AT SOUSUKE OMG. She totally loves him <3 YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE!!!

I always love me some official artwork of these two, and disregarding the fact that there are four other guys around and Nagisa just being the little helper he is, SouGou wrestling is something I just need to have in my life <3 I just love the light subtle tease between these two. Thank you KyoAni! And them holding hands... I’m ded...

Sousuke’s Feelings

This is purely interpretation based on what I have seen so far and of course when I am writing a full post like this about SouGou, it does help piece the puzzle together a little more. Tbvh, I strongly believe that Sousuke has repressed feelings for Gou. My reasoning is quite complex. Sousuke is a bit of a difficult character. He is aloof, serious and can be standoffish. He is not good with expressing his emotions and feelings, yet he does questionable things if he thinks it is for the best for those he cares about. Obviously noticeable when he lied to Rin about his shoulder injury, and of course completely stopped talking to Rin and Gou after being injured. But he deeply cares for those around him, and will go out of his way to help, even if it is to the detriment of his own welfare.

Sosuke hanging out with Gou and talking to her and being around her is already an aspect of his kindness, that he would do this to anyone he cares about. But what I meant about repressed feelings for Gou was more evident in the OVA, and I think that is where the slight nuances come into play. Sousuke is overprotective of Gou and he most likely sees her as a little sister, considering he grew up with her alongside his best friend. But I think when it comes down to more intimate moments i.e. giving Gou his jacket and just not being able to look at her, I think that small nuance does give a small insight into Sousuke’s feelings for Gou. It may be minute but it’s there, and the way the anime framed that scene, it evoked a host of response from the viewers. That in itself is enough for viewers to make a determination as to what Sousuke might be feeling towards Gou at the time ... and it was probably more than a platonic kind of way...

Just to let you know that Sousuke most likely would not act on these feelings because of who he is as a person. And if there is any possibility that things could go awry between him and Rin that concerns Gou, Sousuke would not put their friendship in jeopardy. So if there was ever a way that Sousuke’s repressed feelings for Gou could surface, it would be if Gou initiates.

Gou’s Feelings

If you read through this entire damn thesis so far I think you could see that Gou’s feelings for Sousuke is a lot more overt. She is so incredibly fond of Sousuke and it is just the way she behaves around him, speaks to him and looks at him. It sends a different vibe comparatively to when she interacts with any of the other male characters. Because Gou is a side character, as viewers we don’t get to see much of her, her development or her thoughts and feelings, especially in relation to Sousuke.

Concluding Thoughts

What an incredibly long post. I didn’t realise how long it was until I scrolled back up. But really, this was so fun to write. I enjoy writing about side characters and the little hints that anime and manga give us as viewers. This is the best thing about storytelling, that is so much more than what you see before you.

The great thing about SouGou is the incredibly compatibility they have with each other. They have a lot of the common tropes found in anime that sets them up for a future pairing. I mean,, Free is not a romance genre so there wouldn’t be any emphasis placed on how one character feels about another in a romantic sense. So the anime has placed some gentle teasing in the background with its frame (usually what you see in shojo manga for example), official artworks, and CD dramas. It’s a very subtle undertone that the viewers would have to dig through and pick up out of the mass of fanservice and the storylines of the main characters. Yet this is the reason why I love KyoAni because of its numerous layers of stories and undertone!

In my opinion, if there was ever any pairing that comes out of Free, it would definitely be SouGou - it’s because the way the anime (and probably the light novel as well) set them up and emphasised on important aspects of their relationship without going into detail about it.

I gotta say, the reason why I love these two so much is because they remind me so much of TsukiYachi pairing from Haikyuu. There are parallels between the characters and I think I just enjoy shipping ones with that level of complexity and compatibility - the whole opposites attract kinda thing (and the height difference).

So what do you think? Are there any SouGou stans out there left? I’m keen to see what the 2021 Free movie will entail for these two and the potential release of Season 4 (most likely in 2022).

Fingers crossed for some excitement!

Also...I had to crop this <3

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randomfandomimagine · 3 years

Text

Love’s Worth Running To. Chapter 3: The Accident

Pairing: Barry Allen x Stephanie Williams (OC)

Fandom: Justice League / DCEU

⬅ PREVIOUS CHAPTER • CHAPTER INDEX • NEXT CHAPTER ➡

AO3

A/N: This is when things start to get serious! I hope you enjoy chapter 3! As always, remember to give this some love, please reblog and leave feedback! It would make my week! 🙏💜

The next day the lab feels the same as ever, though it appears even brighter than the other day as Stephanie walks inside, coffee in hand. She beams and smiles at Ben as she approaches him. He stares at her, cutting her off before she can greet him with a cheerful ‘good morning’.

“Good morning to you too, Stephanie” He gladly takes the coffee that she offers him.

“It’s rude to interrupt people, you know?” She playfully wrinkles her nose at him.

“Just when I thought you couldn’t be any nicer and more of a ray of sunshine” Ben jokes. “Does this have to do with your mysterious childhood friend?”

“Kind of” She purses her lips to suppress her big smile. “It suddenly feels like a missing part of me has returned”

“Oh, no…” He playfully dreads. “You’re not going to get sappy, are you?”

Stephanie rolls her eyes a little and softly slaps him in the arm. He laughs.

For a moment she questions whether to tell him about yesterday. The conversation with Barry, the awkwardness turned to warmth as they reconnected again, and even the near death experience that was the strange culmination to an otherwise lovely soiree. However, while she stares at Ben tangling with the computer, she decides against it.

As close as she is with Ben, it feels slightly out of place to talk about it. Too personal. Ben would surely intently listen to her, smiling politely as he always does. Nonetheless, even if a part of her wants to share that euphoria with the only person she’s close to, the other part prefers to keep it to herself. Silently treasure it.

“Is the computer behaving?” Stephanie asks instead, sliding on her white lab coat.

“For now” Ben absently replies, focused on entering commands on it. “Let’s hope it doesn’t glitch today”

“I’m feeling lucky” She happily replies, earning a curious look from him.

Like every other day, Stephanie automatically puts her hair behind her ear to get it away from her eyes. Then she leans down on the microscope, looking through it and analyzing the samples after Ben has done the small adjustments to the force field they had been exposed to.

The usual dullness overcomes her once again as a force of habit, but one thing’s different. After so many hours of hard work and perseverance, there’s finally something. Understanding what the change can mean, Stephanie gasps.

“Ben!” She shrieks with such urgency that he jolts up in startle.

“What is it?” He rushes to her side, planting a comforting hand on her back.

“T-The samples!” She announces, wildly gesticulating. “It’s starting to work!”

On an instinct, Ben goes to look at the samples through the microscope just like Stephanie was doing a moment ago. With a light chuckle, he backs away.

“You’re the biology expert, I... don’t know what’s happening”

“The molecules are being altered, but the reaction is positive” Stephanie’s heart races with intensity at the thought of what it could imply. “And if we arrange the force field in just the right way and the molecules have a flawless positive reaction…”

She feels out of breath with excitement. Finally, her long awaited goal would come to fruition. Finally, they will have a force for good on their hands, a technology that could help and protect countless of people.

“We need to keep working” His ever undisturbed polite facade breaks slightly as he fidgets in the spot, patting her and glancing around as though he doesn’t know what to do. “But we’re making progress?”

“We’re making progress!” To celebrate the success that has taken them months to achieve, they hold on to each other’s hands. Their restless energy surges through them, only spreading further to each other.

“There you are!” An outside voice cuts through the moment as someone walks inside the lab. “It took me forever to find-”

When the two turn, they find themselves with the unexpected presence of a tall thin boy with dark hair. He’s very familiar to her, but a complete stranger for Ben.

“Barry...” Stephanie mutters, suddenly very aware of the rare touch of Ben’s hands.

“You must be the friend” The latter says, breaking away from her.

“The friend?” Barry’s previous gawk changes into a grin. “Have you been talking about me, Steph?”

“Oh, um… sorry...” Stephanie chuckles to hide her embarrassment. “Ben, that’s Barry… you know, my friend. Barry this is Ben, he’s kind of… my boss. Well, not exactly…”

“I’m just in charge of the project” Ben corrects her, witnessing her struggling. “But we work together as equals”

“Yeah…” The young woman suddenly feels overwhelmed as her present and her past collide in the form of the two men.

“Nice to meet you, Barry” Ben holds his hand out for him to shake.

“You too, Ben” The boy smiles, tapping his hand before letting go of the handshake.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you, but…” Stephanie tugs on Barry’s sleeve. Ben stares at the two, and his gaze flusters her. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I just came by to say hi” Barry simply says, shrugging a little. “I just… I just missed you, okay?”

Stephanie must have given him a look of utter endearment, because he bashfully averts his gaze and begins to walk around the lab.

“Can I… hang around for a bit?” He asks Stephanie, but she looks at Ben.

“I guess” He kindly replies, politely smiling. “It’s not top secret or anything”

“Cool!” Barry continues to carelessly wander around the lab. “The tech looks fancy”

“Thank you” Ben takes the compliment upon himself, as he is the one in charge of that.

“What are you working on?” To Barry’s question, Stephanie glances at Ben once again. He only nods his head for confirmation. Only then does she talk about the project.

“A force field” She motions over to the small machine that projects the energy towards the molecules vibrating in the air. “We’re currently making sure that the molecules react correctly in order to-”

“Ensure the force field could be projected on people?” He ventures, and Stephanie quickly nods her head, smiling. “That would be awesome! It could be used in such amazing ways!”

“I’m the techno-scientist in charge of the force field” Ben explains, even though Barry and Stephanie are peering at each other and barely paying attention. “Stephanie is the biology expert we hired to control how the molecules react when they’re exposed to it”

“What?” She chuckles, flustered under Barry’s smitten stare.

“You’re still trying to save the world, huh?” He nudges her a little.

“So she’s always been like this” Ben meddles in, looking from one to the other.

“You have no idea, buddy” Barry glances at him, even if his permanent smile is directed at the girl.

“I…” Ben clears his throat, taking a step back. “I better leave you two for a bit. I’ll get ourselves a snack”

“Thank you” Stephanie tells him as he moves further away. Her gratitude isn��t only in response to his kind offer to grab something to eat, but also for allowing them a moment alone. He understands how important Barry is to her.

After Ben leaves, the two are alone in the room. It fills with silence. Barry continues to wander, pretending to look at the equipment littered around the lab. In reality, a question bubbles in his chest, growing bigger by the second and threatening to become unbearable until he finally lets it out.

“So…” He begins, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning on a table. “Steph”

“Yeah?”

“Are you free today?”

“Yeah, after work. Why?”

Barry casually shrugs, pouting his bottom lip in a carefree gesture. He picks up an unused flask and fiddles with it, even if his eyes are fixed on her face.

“I dunno… I thought we could go out again. I mean... if you want” He gulps, looking away before she can even react to his suggestion. Barry hurriedly continues speaking, not letting her say anything yet. “We could go take a walk or go to the cinema or…”

“So soon?” Stephanie’s tone is playful. “You should take me to dinner first, Allen”

“Huh?” Barry gawks at her, completely oblivious to her teasing and panicking in fear of her response.

“I’m joking, silly” She giggles, closing the distance that separates them to rub his arm. “I would love to meet with you again later”

Barry grins, heaving a breath of relief. He nods to himself, putting the flaskback on its place. He pushes himself off the table and opens his mouth to say something. However, something interrupts him. Stephanie might have not noticed the noise, being so used to it, but Barry freezes at the sirens outside the window.

“Okay, so what time do you get out?” He begins, slowly walking back to the door.

“At… three” Stephanie half-questions, watching him in confusion.

“Okay, cool” He carelessly says, staring at the street. “I’ll pick you up then”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I gotta run”

“Barry...”

“See you later!”

Before she can even say goodbye to him, he has already run off. The glass door closes with a soft sound that still echoes in her ears. She sighs. With that, Stephanie resigns herself to go back to work. Her thoughts wander nonetheless.

She has to get used to being around him again, is all. They haven’t seen each other in so long, and things have changed. It’s strange to think that they’re both adults now, with jobs and responsibilities, but it’s the reality. One she must accept.

Just as she finds herself staring at the display of the experiment yet not seeing it, it happens. The force field crackles and vanishes, undoing hours of progress. For a moment, she freezes, not knowing how to react.

“No…” Stephanie whines, sulkily walking over to the computer.

She still doesn’t really understand how such an advanced model works, but she takes a look nonetheless. The screen is glitching like it has been for days, so she waits for several seconds. Nothing happens. Stephanie taps the screen, and it seems to return to normal. It asks to press any letter to restart the projection of the force field.

Breathing in relief, Stephanie does as asked. She makes a mental note to tell Ben about it anyway. The machine comes to life with the press of a button. She waits. A crackling sound begins to her right. She looks with the corner of her eye and turns slowly. The force field, once small and contained, is now growing at an alarming rate with a static sound. If it weren’t impossible, she would think it has developed a mind of its own.

“Oh, no…” She gasps, realizing what is about to happen. Her gut knows it before her brain does. A sinking feeling grows in her stomach. Her mind can only focus on one thought. One emotion. Fear.

Time stops. She makes to move out of the way, but it’s too late. She can almost feel the invisible electricity in the air before it hits her. Stephanie closes her eyes tight and puts her arms before her, trying to protect herself from the inevitable. In vain.

Her entire life seems to flash before her eyes as the whimsical time slowly speeds up again. She sees Barry in her mind. Despite her discontent, despite her nostalgia and despite everything, there isn’t a single thing she regrets. Not anymore. As she resigns herself to her doom, she feels satisfied with her life. If he’s to be her last thought, it will be a beautiful one.

An immense blast of energy then shoots her way, being so powerful that it throws her across the room. She screams. The wind is knocked out of her when her back violently hits the furthest wall, claiming a guttural grunt from within her. She falls on the ground like rag doll, barely capable of remaining conscious. Pain is the only thing her brain can conceive. Her lungs have seemed to stop working. Stephanie struggles to catch her breath again, but her attempts are futile. Before she can breathe again, she has succumbed to a pitch black darkness.

Barry comes to a halt once he returns to S.T.A.R. Labs. He takes a deep breath, recovering from the unplanned rescue mission, and heads to Stephanie’s lab once more. The remnant of the ashes from the fire still linger on his clothes. He can’t linger on the people he saved for long, however. Something else claims his attention.

He walks slowly, overcome with a strange feeling of dread. It forcefully settles in his stomach. Everything is quiet in that floor. Too quiet... He just left her not that long ago. Barry checks his watch, seeing that only twenty minutes have gone by. There are no voices, but even if Ben hadn’t returned… Something feels wrong.

“Steph?” The boy calls as he approaches her lab, still anguished by the silence. A strange atmosphere lives in the air. “Stephanie?”

Just as he arrives, he places the hand on the doorknob. An unexpected noise makes him freeze. A buzzing light. He sees it flash through the glass door. Still no signs of her.

“Stephanie...?” He tries again, tentatively opening the door. The sight he is received with makes his heart skip a beat. Time has never moved so slowly for him.

The entire lab has been destroyed, like a bomb or a hurricane passed through. An explosion definitely seems to have blasted through the entire room. There is broken glass and papers scattered around the floor, crunching under his sneakers. Every piece of technology that he had admired before, including the computer, are broken to pieces.

The buzzing light blinks on and off, projecting its yellowish light in small intervals to illuminate the darkness that otherwise drowns everything. There is another thing, far more alarming than the others. A figure lying on the ground. Completely still.

“STEPH!” Barry speeds through the room, instantly moving to that corner. “Oh god...”

Stephanie lies face down. The wall behind her is dented, and a nasty feeling assures Barry that her body caused that. What happened there?!

Swallowing hard, he reaches out to touch her. She isn’t moving. Is she breathing? Is she hurt? Is she... alive? Please, let her be alive...

“S-Steph?” He sobs, gingerly gathering her form in his arms and leaning her against his chest. A tuft of hair limply glides off her forehead to reveal her eyes. They are closed. He shakes her slightly, but she limply lies against him. “No, no… I just found you… d-don’t leave me again…”

Stephanie still doesn’t move. Shaking from head to toe, Barry leans closer to her. He can’t hear a heartbeat when he presses his ear against her chest. Moving up slightly, he can’t hear her breath from her parted lips either.

He can’t breathe. It feels like a train has run him over. Only that it would hurt less than this.

“No, no, no, no, no…” He gulps, his vision growing blurry when tears inundate his eyes. “Please, Steph...”

He observes her, heartbroken by the pained expression in her face. It is stuck like that. If only he could do something, if he could save her… A crazy idea suddenly reaches him. Lifting one shaking hand, Barry snaps his fingers. The electricity curses through, crackling in his hands and illuminating her pale skin. He hesitates, but the thought that he’s running out of time convinces him to try it. He has to.

“Please work…. Please, please… please work…” Closing his eyes tight and mentally praying to any and all deities he can think of, he puts his hand over her heart. The electricity passes over to her, and Stephanie lightly spasms with it.

He holds. His heart continues to race as he watches her expectantly.

Boom, boom. Boom, boom.

Although she remains still, Barry can hear a faint strangled inhale coming from her.

“Stephanie?” He quickly asks, so much so that he runs over the syllables.

Her eyelashes flutter. Barry holds his breath. She frowns, letting out a pained yet weak groan. Still, he almost starts crying in relief.

“S-Steph...” He calls her again, gingerly cradling her face in his palm.

Stephanie opens her eyes. A blinking light stabs them. A person is very close to her as his face comes into focus. All she can see is a pair of gentle dark eyes she is very familiar with. Her fuzzy brain is having trouble recognizing them. Now they’re also flooded in fear and concern. He’s moving his lips, but she can’t hear the sounds he’s uttering. A loud whistling in her ears makes it impossible to focus.

Stephanie tiredly stares at him. She wants to move, to speak, to do something, but she can’t. Everything hurts. Her brain burns with a fog that quickly eats up her thoughts. She needs to lift her arm and touch him, make sure he’s really there and not just a dream.

Barry...

She can’t.

Her sore body and mind take over her. Stephanie’s eyes roll into her skull. Despite it all, she smiles. Because he’s here with her. She can feel his warmth. As long as he’s there, she groggily thinks, everything will be alright.

Stephanie gives in to exhaustion and forsakes herself to darkness once again. He hears him screaming her name, so loud that it overpowers the loud whistling in her ears.

“Steph!!” Barry’s heart skips a beat. The tears that had frozen in his eyelashes freely travel down his cheeks when he notices she has grown completely still again. “S-Steph?”

He continues to sob, desperately clinging her body against his chest as a harrowing void fills his chest.

An unexpected knock makes little Stephanie freeze. She leaves her homework and waits, fearing who might be at the door. The knock comes again, this time accompanied by a kind voice.

“Tephie!” Barry insists. “Open up!”

Hurrying to her feet, Stephanie runs to the door in astonishment and opens it to let him in. With a mildly mischievous smile, Barry rushes in as soon as he is able to. She follows him with her gaze as he goes to the table and puts the homework away.

“Barry!” She whispers at first, but then she realizes she doesn’t have to. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to cheer you up” He drags something out of his pocket. “I know you argued with your mom and dad again. They aren’t home, right?”

“No, they’re still working” Stephanie goes after him as Barry goes to the TV. He introduces the mysterious object he carried and hid in his hands into the VHS player. “Barry, what…?”

“I found this really cool movie” He looks at her with a grin. “I know you’re gonna love it, we can do a sleepover!”

“Those never end well” She smiles a little in spite of herself. “Remember that time you chased me around the house and knocked down my mom’s favorite vase?”

“I only wanted to tickle you…” He defended himself as he set the movie up.

Stephanie laughs, shaking her head at him. Barry only shows him an innocent grin.

“What movie is this?” She asks as they both sit in the ground as they always do.

“The Breakfast Club”

“Haven’t heard of it”

“Shame on you!”

“What’s it about?”

“Just watch the movie!”

She giggles, trying to hold the laughter in and focus on the movie. Still, she looks at Barry. His presence has cheered her up already, and the arguments with her parents don’t seem as important anymore.

The boy turns to her as well, sweetly smiling in return. It is an expression that has etched in her memory. Even after all this time.

As her senses return, reality and dream mix as the latter slowly dissolves. A boy is sitting close to her. The same one from her dream.

Barry stares at her with those warm dark brown eyes. A happy twinkle shines in them.

There are dark circles under his eyes, seeming gloom and inundated in tears. She can tell even as he averts his gaze, absently staring at the window. But not seeing it.

His smile is wide and bright, glad that the plan works and she finds the movie entertaining.

There is no sight of that smile, only a preoccupied gesture that has his lips tightly pursed. When they’re not, they shake with the meek sobs that wreck his torso.

What’s wrong? Why is Barry crying?

Disoriented, she glances around. A bright white hospital bed surrounds her. The walls are made of tiles and make the whole room cold. She is resting in a soft bed, with a thin sheet covering her body. When she looks to the side she focuses on him.

“B… B…” She tries to call out, but speech has left her. Nonetheless, his sobbing halts.

“Steph?” He gasps, hurriedly wiping his tears and leaning forward in the chair he’s sitting in. “Are you awake?”

“Ba… Barry…” She opens her mouth, trying to reply.

“No, no, no, don’t speak. Save… save your energies!”

Stephanie only groans, overwhelmed with discomfort and pain as the veil of sleep completely fades. It had been safe and comfortable, but consciousness feels like a torture. All the unpleasant sensations that plague her multiply when a sudden pressure engulfs her as Barry throws himself to hug her.

“Oh, Steph...” He dissolves in feeble sobs as he gingerly squeezes her in his arms. “You’re okay… For a moment there, I… I thought I lost you...”

“B-Barry…” The word gets stuck in her raspy throat and dry mouth. The effort causes a violent coughing fit that shakes her entire body.

“I’m so sorry!” Barry immediately pulls away, giving her some room to breathe.

Stephanie continues to cough, wincing as the strain only brings more pain that layers on top of the existing one. Barry dissolves in apologies as he hurries to pick up the water bottle that he kept ready in the table beside him and hands it to her.

The coughing fit lessens enough to let her drink, but she can’t reach out to take the bottle from him. Stephanie’s arms feel heavy as though they’re made out of lead. Every single muscle hurts and she can only manage a pathetic attempt at reaching out. The arm heavily falls down onto the bed again. She huffs in resigned frustration.

“Hey, it’s okay, I got you” Barry opens the bottle for her and brings it up to her lips.

As much as she appreciates the help, Stephanie can’t help but to scowl a little. She feels completely useless, being unable to even hold up a plastic water bottle.

“I’m sorry about that…” Barry tells her. “You’re still weak, I need to… you need to…”

Not really listening to him, Stephanie lightly nods her head. Understanding the gesture, he puts the water away and returns the bottle to its place on the table. She hadn’t realized how dry her throat was until she drank.

“What…?” Stephanie finally manages to croak out, her voice still hoarse and raspy.

“What happened?” He completes for her, earning a nod so mild that he barely sees it. “You had an accident at the lab… I… the… the force field exploded”

Stephanie closes her eyes as the memories come to her. On top of all the unwell, a nasty feeling grows in the pit of her stomach. She vividly remembers it now. The iron claw of fear returns to her, even if as a shadow of its former self. The force field went out of control. That explains why every fiber of her body hurts in a way it never had before. It’s like the aftermath of a thousand workouts put together, only that even worse.

“You’re okay, though” Barry tries to reassure her. “You broke a few bones, but you’ll heal and… you’ll recover in no time, right?”

Unable to participate in Barry’s optimism, she continues frowning. Having the haunting suspicion that she broke some ribs, Stephanie cautiously breathes in. Indeed, a sharp pang reaches her side when she does. Watching her grimace, Barry can only wince in empathy, wishing there was something he could do to help.

“Do you... need anything?” He kindly offers, fighting the urge to fidget. “Water, food? Are you cold?”

Stephanie whines, reaching out her hand. He doesn’t hesitate to take it.

“Me?” He questions, earning a soft nod from her. “I’m here, Steph, not going anywhere”

To further demonstrate, Barry plops back down on the chair, squeezing her hand. She seems to at least be a little more at ease now. He breathes out in relief as well, trying not to make it too obvious.

Just when everything was starting to settle down, the door to the room urgently swings open. They both turn their heads in startle. A blond mop of hair sticks out, and familiar blue eyes sweep the room.

“Stephanie…” Ben utters, barely glancing at Barry before he settles on her.

“Hey, man…” Barry warns him, getting back up. “Take it easy with her, okay?”

“Of course” The other gravely nods. “Thanks for looking after her, I got here as fast as I could”

“Ben…” She croaks, letting go of Barry’s hand and reaching out for him.

“Hello” The aforesaid does his best to smile, even if wrinkles of concern form on his face. “How are you feeling?”

Stephanie only moves around in the bed, feeble. She wishes she could just get up and give him a hug. Give them both a hug. But her body is screaming for her to lie still and rest. Defeated, she only sighs and tiredly leans her head on the pillow.

“Is she okay?” Ben asks, bearing the physical manifestation of utter heartbreak in his voice.

“Yeah, she’s just…” Barry sighs in exhaustion. “A little weak right now”

The two share a preoccupied glance. They murmur as Barry puts him up to date on what the doctors told him. She should be okay. The accident was bad, but the important thing is she survived it. She’s out of danger now. All she needs is rest.

“Don’t… mutter…” Stephanie weakly begs them, only feeling worse about it.

“Sorry” Ben turns to her once more, forcing out another smile and holding up something that he had been clinging in his hands. “I brought you these”

Stephanie manages to genuinely smile for the first time as she watches Ben. The beautiful bouquet of flowers is gingerly put over the table. Roses. They brighten up the room with a touch of color. From there, Stephanie can also smell their pleasant scent.

“I… actually wanted to apologize, Stephanie” Ben admits then. He uses his professional voice, the one Stephanie has heard many times when they talk about work. “It was my fault that such a horrible thing happened”

“What?” Barry pipes up, watching the scene develop. “How could it be your fault?”

“I was in charge of the technology” The other tells him, then turning back to her. “I should have avoided it, I should have kept the computer from glitching like that”

Barry averts his gaze. For the first time, he sees the situation from a very different perspective. Glitch… His gut twists in a nasty manner when realization hits. The technology glitched. It isn’t the first he hears of it, even if they don’t know . Something tells him it wasn’t an accident. One thing is for certain, though, it wasn’t Ben’s doing.

“I-I’m sure it wasn’t your fault, man” Barry pats his shoulder, but Ben shakes his head.

“It was my responsibility” He insists. “I still can’t understand what happened but… I should have known… I should know”

“Stop…” Stephanie pleads, hating that the situation only worsens.

“I should at least have been there with you, to...” Ben’s bright blue eyes become watery with tears. “To protect you when it happened”

“That’s true” Barry agrees, but corrects himself when he realizes how it sounds. “I mean me! I shouldn’t have left you alone, Steph, I feel terrible”

The two of them softly talk over each other, taking the blame as they reassure the other.

“Guys…” She breathes in slowly, successfully catching their attention. And, relieved that it doesn’t develop in another coughing fit or a wave of pain. “If you were there… you would have… just… gotten hurt too…”

That small effort has rid her from any of her remaining energies, but it was hopefully worth it. The silence heavily falls on them. It reigns. The boys look down to their feet, filled with remorse and anguish. Both of them care deeply about Stephanie, they realize as they look up at each other, it’s the one thing they have in common.

“Well, I…” Ben gulps, giving a third attempt at a smile. “I should get back to work, there’s a lot to do right now”

“Don’t... worry” Is all Stephanie manages to tell him to assuage his fear. “I’ll be... okay”

“Hey, Barry?” When the boy peers at him, surprised, Ben continues. “Look after her?”

“I will” They shake hands, like they did less than a day ago. “I promise”

Showing his best effort yet, Ben smiles once again. Then, as he waves goodbye at Stephanie, he quietly leaves the room. After closing the door behind him, Ben exchanges a glance with Barry. The boy nods his head, assuring him he will keep his promise. He doesn’t need to tell him twice.

“He’s so… sweet…” Stephanie languidly says, although her ability to speak is returning little by little.

“Yeah…” Barry bites his lip, watching the spot Ben used to be in. “Ben’s a nice guy”

He feels stupid for being jealous of him at that very moment. Of course, he wishes he could have spent all those years with Stephanie like he has. Years that she spent with Ben instead of with him. Perhaps it’s because Barry was so close to losing her that every single second away from her, past or future, suddenly feels unbearable.

Gathering himself, he takes a deep breath. There is still the present. He can be with Steph now. So he will be there, because she needs him. Because he wants to be there.

“Anyway” Barry grins at her, hoping the gesture is uplifting. “What do you need, Steph?”

Once again, she holds her hand out. He laughs a little as he delicately wraps his fingers around hers. Suddenly, the pang of jealousy in his chest dissipates.

“That’s right” A bright and more genuine grin grows on his lips. “That’s where we left of”

Just when he’s about to sit, however, Stephanie tugs at his hand. He looks up at her, frozen mid—movement. Their eyes meet. An unspoken need glows in hers while his are a reflection of the softness he currently feels. Because of her.

“Closer” She just asks him, and he doesn’t have the heart to complain. A part of him is afraid that he will hurt her in that fragile state, but his need to comfort her overcomes it.

“Okay” Barry sweetly smiles, pausing for a moment as he stands up straight again.

Stephanie makes an effort to scoot while he glances around. His hoodie rests over the back of the chair, so he takes it and gingerly places it over her. Stephanie smiles and gladly shrinks under the warm garment. Barry looks around again, making sure there’s nothing else she might need before he lies down with her and settles there.

“Barry?”

“Stop talking, Steph!” He nervously hisses, but when he hears how hard that sounded even in his worry, he corrects his tone to a more playful one. “Gosh, I’m the one that rambles around here, okay? You have no right taking my place like that”

She smiles, and the beautiful sight warms Barry’s heart. It replaces the lonely coldness that had harbored inside his chest for so many hours. Of uncertainty and fear.

“What if I…?” She still says, even if she obliges and quiets nonetheless.

“Need something?” He completes for her again. “Let me think…”

Barry carefully goes to lie down in the bed with her. He moves slowly, slower than he ever has. As he lightly sinks down into the bed, Stephanie immediately accommodates. She snuggles closer to him, sighing in content when their sides are pressed together.

“Okay, here’s what we’ll do” Barry can’t help but to smile as she comfortably leans her head on his shoulder. “You can squeeze my hand”

“Mm-hm” Is all she says as she closes her eyes, finally feeling at ease.

He exudes a soothing warmth that envelops her and makes her feel at home. Although he is fidgety and restless, he tries to stay still. Not move an inch. As small as the gesture is, Stephanie treasures it fondly. While she is wondering in the cozy state he helped her achieve, Barry is being true to his word by rambling on.

“One squeeze if you need comfort, two if you need water or food...”

“Mm-hm…”

“Oh, and three if you need me to get the doctor or something”

“Mm-hm”

“Did I miss anything? What else?”

Barry waits, assuming Stephanie is thinking about it too. After a few seconds of silence, and a very telling sound, he glances down at her. She is softly breathing. Barry feels a fluttering in his stomach while he watches her sleep in his shoulder.

“Sleep well, Tephie…” He whispers to himself, smiling fondly.

The overwhelming worry that had haunted him for so many hours grows smaller. It still shimmers in the surface, but leaves room for something different. Like the wave of affection that reaches him.

Barry takes a breath, gently wrapping his hand around hers. He holds it. If she wakes and needs something, he’ll be ready for when she squeezes it. For now, he will rest with her.

Not moving from that position, Barry closes his eyes. He feels the inviting and well-deserved slumber catch up to him. He falls asleep delicately squeezing her hand and hoping to infuse her with all his energy for a speedy recovery.

Tag list: @scared-to-be-lonely345 // Ask to be added to be notified when I post for this series!!

#loves worth running to #lwrt #barry allen #barry allen x reader #barry allen x oc #barry allen imagine #ezra miller #justice league #justice league imagine #justice league series #dc #dc series #dc imagine #oc #series #original character

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