Tumgik
#i cant listen to it for mental health reasons
hauntedwoman · 2 months
Text
as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult
#i feel really bad that im so angry at her and she doesnt even know it#but my entire living situation is making me miserable right now and its her fault#she charges me $50 in rent every week and shes increasing it to $125 a week at the end of the month#the only reason this is happening is because she FORCED ME to drop out and the only other alternative was that i had to work full time + pa#rent.............. but like at my job even if im working 40 hrs a week ill only be making abt $900 a month#so i will barely have anything leftover for myself after rent#and i cannot get a second job bc i frankly can not handle it at all + what hours would i even work#and my mom refuses to understand that the reason i had to drop out is bc i am so depressed and so suicidal and i just dont want to live#she doesnt acknowledge that im disabled and severely mentally ill#every time i try to talk about my mental health she treats me like im such a burden to her even though i literally never tell her anything#personal anymore bc she just doesnt listen or care#ALSO she FORCED ME to move across the country and transfer schools when i really did not want (hence why i flunked all of my classes bc i d#not care) but like. everything thats wrong in my life rn is bc i do not want ot live where im living and theres no way for me to go back to#texas and also i dont rly wanna live w my dad either#but anyways. this whole situation would be better if my mom was using me paying rent as an actual lesson in adult respinsibility#but it's really just a punishment because i cant function the way she wants me to#and im over it#so fucking over it why am i such a pussy why cant i just die
7 notes · View notes
dragonfyre-creations · 2 months
Text
I don't think I've ever poured so many of my physical attributes and so much of my heart and soul into a character design before in such a personal way before so fuck it whenever I finish the final design for Faeng and whatever I come up with I'm making her into my sona (dragonsona? Persona? Idk how this works lmfao)
(long dump in the tags and under the cut)
The last time I was even remotely connected this much to a character was when I designed Jaxsu, but honestly never truly made her my sona/main character, she was just the one I used most often in art pieces. I never really actually liked her lore and backstory enough because she was what I wanted to be instead of what I am/was. Jax isnt perfect either, but her parents love her and otherwise has friends and is loved unconditionally. She has a healthy relationship with everyone and everything. This is where the disconnect happened and where I actually started to dislike her despite her being my otherwise favorite character for awhile. Both Faeng and Jaxsu have ADHD and Autism but Jaxsu was able to put that towards a job and becoming a ship captain and winning a colosseum tournament. She's done all of these great things so even if she didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents they'd still love her because she's done something impressive and useful.
Faeng on the other hand, has to fight for everything. Her parents are important and have important jobs, and place all of these unreachable and unrealistic expectations on her and expect her to reach them with minimal effort and be perfect, but she can't no matter how hard she tries. She needs someone to explain it and break it down for her in steps so she understands what do to and how to do it so she doesn't mess it up. She's both strong and smart but it's not in practical "normal" ways or subjects. It's convoluted, It's not in the ways everyone wants her to be, she has no teachers to help her understand how to channel that strength and intelligence into something "useful" so she puts it towards the things she likes and wants to do, and thus struggles in a world that would otherwise be easy to navigate and conquer if she were "normal". Those that do understand her and try to help her are alienated by other people in an attempt to either punish both of them or force her to adapt to be somewhat passing as normal, if not then at least listen to what she's told to do. She does eventually make acquaintances but find that her twisted speech and weird explanations aren't worth trying to decipher and understand so they leave, they don't put in the effort to meet her halfway even though she's struggling and doing her best to speak in a way they'll understand.
Her parents acknowledge her differences but in a way that frames it as flawed and wrong, something that needs to be corrected, and push her to figure out her problems by herself, tearing down any support network she tries to build. She tries her damned hardest but it's not enough, it never is and never will be for them because she's not the perfect child they wanted. She showed promise in her younger years being a "gifted child" so she knows what love and acceptance lies in wait and what could be if she could just be normal and perfect. Her achievements and promise come and show in waves. She burns and fizzles out in one of the most virulent, painful ways possible after getting hurt trying to prove her worth yet again. She holds nothing but criticism, vitriol and contempt for herself because she can't claw her way back to where she was before, this time something happened and something is terribly, horribly wrong this time but she doesn't know that it is and can't figure it out, nor will anyone tell her. Whatever it is, left a mental and several physical injuries and it does nothing but deepen her self hatred and her parent's waning belief in her. She listens to false promises and praise of other people who do nothing but wish to manipulate and harm her but she stays because any form of praise is deemed good, she hungers for more and does worsening things.
She ignores the people who tell her that what she's doing is dangerous and will only end in disaster, because she doesn't believe them. If the people who are saying they're her friends are telling her that the people she hurts deserve it and that what she's doing is good, then surely she needs to believe them over strangers, right? Everything comes to a breaking point and shatters around her leaving her with quite literally nothing but her own self hatred, newfound rage and overbearing mental issues she needs to navigate once again to find out what hell it is and what's wrong with her now. She's scared of everyone and everything with the added bonus of now being hyper-aware and perceptive of people's mannerisms and behaviors, especially those who want to manipulate or harm her again. She wraps every vulnerable part of herself in metaphorical thorns and teeth to bite and maim whoever pries and digs into what she truly is, even people who want to understand her. She suffers at more than her own hand, forcing herself to deal with everything alone, until she finally meets someone that could be considered a true friend. She slowly opens up and helps them as much as they help her before everything comes crashing back down once again upon the reveal that they've been lying to her the entire time about very serious issues, and she's been used as nothing more than an attack dog once again. She burns every bridge and everyone around her in one final breakdown of rage before shutting down completely. One of the groups of friends she's shoved stay comes back and asks if she's ok. She doesn't understand why they're being kind, why they're concerned it why they care and tries to shove them away again. Every single day they still ask, talking even if there's no response from her, until she finally relents and breaks.
She's finally loved and accepted despite every fault and every flaw she has, and every time she tries to pull away out of fear of being an inconvenience they pull back twice as hard and remind her that she's able to just exist, she doesn't need to constantly be useful and that they care. She finally, finally is comfortable enough to let herself be accepted and then becomes the most clingy little shit, just as they do with her. But yeah, my own life has been very much of the same, especially the last part. Every time I go on another self-hatred spiral and drop off the face of the earth my MonHun bros give me a metaphorical slap to the face and remind me that I don't need to constantly prove my worth to everyone and prove that I'm useful, and that existing every once in awhile is more than enough. If that doesn't work then it's "you need to get your ass back over here because we're failing the Safi siege without the absolutely ridiculous amount of DPS your build Switchaxe does". I was not intending for her to be so much like me but goddamnit she's wormed her way into being my favorite now and I guess Mirage is no longer my impromptu sona
#I've been working the last 3 hours on her design and like just noticed HOW MUCH of myself i put into her design#especially parts of myself im self conscious of and don't like/didn't like growing up. i usually zone out esp during a character design#but i stopped and i looked at it and my first thought was “that's me. that's me on that canvas.” and for some reason felt so happy with it#ik that's probably a selfish thought to have and im nowhere near done with her design but i looked at it and loved it so deeply.#she's imperfect and ugly and flawed but that's ok because she's still beautiful in her own weird way and her friends still love her#this is the weirdest shit I've ever experienced but i honestly feel like I'm finally accepting a part of myself I've hated and shoved down#for so long because of the absolute gnawing feeling of unacceptance I've always been subjected to as “not fitting in” and something she say#is “who gives a shit what other people think about me. i have friends who love and care about me just as much as i do for them.#you dont need to be liked by everyone to be worth something. sometimes just existing is enough for the people who do love you“#the parallels of both my life and her lore are so similar they hurt on a visceral level i cant describe and it was completely unintentional#we both trust too easily whether it's out of naivety or stupidity and not learning from past mistakes and have been hurt so deeply#so many times beyond our own comprehension by the betrayal of other people to the point of shutting down every attempt at friendship#despite knowing just how much being alone aches and burns and put both physical and mental health on the line to get the approval of others#but never letting anyone get close enough to be friends out of fear of being hurt again#and having every vulnerable part of ourselves wrapped in metaphorical knives and glass to hurt anyone attempting to get to know us#but simultaneously and unknowingly hurting ourselves too with that choice. we're both aware of what we're doing but also unable to stop it#out of fear and lack of people willing to understand our pain and frustration and anger over things and it's so so frustrating#we both lash out when angry or hurt and push people that we love and love us back away out of fear that if any “ugly” is exposed to them#they'll leave because we lose our one redeemable quality of “being convenient” in a group#but simultaneously don't them trust fully out of fear. we know we're loved and love back but never fully in case its all a lie.#we both want nothing more than someone to understand and listen to what happened to us and actually stay and be friends rather than leave#like truly actually want to be friends and not just stay out of pity or sorrow over what happened#i think this is just something that comes with the autism tbh#i am she and she is me#rambling#dragon character#character writing#character building#dragon oc
1 note · View note
ecoamerica · 2 months
Text
youtube
Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc
The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!
22K notes · View notes
wp100 · 5 months
Text
tfw ive been wanting ot watch heavy metal for years now and only just find out that BOCs music plays in it
I could have listened to them sooner..
0 notes
spriteadjacent · 1 year
Text
me two days ago: i feel a bad mental health event approaching and i know doing what im about to do is only going to make it worse / maybe not doing that could make me Not Experience The Mental Health Event, but also im already in it and it'll be funny to watch myself suffer
me now: Bad
1 note · View note
adkawariatka · 2 months
Text
Hi, it turns out that fanfiction is really addictive and I still cant move past any recomendations without checking it out. So I have another idea for a dcxdp crossover….
Danny is living on Gotham streets for 4 months. Its perfect hiding place becouse of its aura. Many tradic deaths and general danger on every corner creats ideal barier for all sorts of ghost hunting equipment. Danny wos relucant about Gotham at first but after few failed attempts at finding hiding space, he decided that to hell with that and he will at least try. And thank the ancients that he did because its perfect. No one pays him any attention there is too much homless out there. Even if most kids are staying at Crime Alley seeking Red hood protection. thats one of the reasons why he hestitated at coming to ghotam: vigilinates. They are dangerous, becouse of partnership with goverment…. Who according to Anti-Ecto laws considers him non-sentient and in need of contamination or more often elimination. So yes Danny wos relucant but it turned out fine….. for now. No ghost or human gosthunter found him yet so he counts it as a success. Any other city, forest, mountains or everything else he tried didn’t last longer that a month. He might not be proud of his surviving technics like stealing, laying and dumpster diving but its not like he has a choice…. He is too much alive to be accepted in to infinite relams for good which is dumb if you ask Danny becouse he is at the same time its Crown Prince. But maybe Danny is just too naive or something. He does not care. On the other hand he is too dead to be accepted by humans so he kind of floats in between never to fit properly anywhere. He is surviving, and for about a year he wos completly alone until that one day…
Danny wos sitting on the bench in his favourite park close to lovely Café that had really beatifull cupcakes with blue whipped cream. He liked to pretend that he is a customer there and just waits for his order….that wos never placed…. Well who is he kidding he is just creepy homless kid that stares at people eating sweets from across the street. Pretty pathetic IF you ask Danny but he prefers not to dwell on his mental health thank you very much. So he is staring when a group of kids takes one of the outside tables. And like a serious creep listens in to their conversation. Well its not like he can swich off his super hearing.
The boys are talking about some homework from school. Danny assumes they are classmates becouse of their maching clothes. When to their table comes another one with darker skin and black hairs. The occupants share meanigfull glances and let the newcommer sit. Danny knows that look. It does not indicates anything good. Its the expression that Dash would make whenever he wos about to do something awful to him. Then the guy with blonde hair says
- Damian why don’ t you eat with us?
And then procedes to push the plate with cookies closer to the boy
- I thought I informed you Winser that I do not eat anything made of milk or other animals products. I am vegan.
Answered Damian with monotone voice. He sat incredybly straight and wos so stiff that Danny thought that must hurt.
- But its so good. beside I offered it. wouldnt it be polite of you to at least try?
Wisner insisted. Sly grin on his lips.
- Leave him be Mike he probably has problems with digesting such hard avaible products.
Said boy to the left with massive collection of pimples on his Chin. Danny named him spotty.
- I do not have any „digestive problems” as you put it Jenkin. I simply choose not to.
- of course pardon our lack of knowledge. Its just we worry that your… original diet wos a little lacking… or maybe you ate a little too much chocholate when you where younger. Thats all
And all of the group snickers to spotty „jokes”. Danny Thinks its primitive and disgusting. Racizm is low blow specially after Damians next words:
- I do not understand
And they laught even more. Damian just sits there confused and oblivious to insults vowen in to conversation. And Danny listens and decides that he must tell that boy the truth. He cant turn blind eye to that. He may no longer be a hero but that? He can help with that. Soon bullies get bored of throwing hidden insults at Damian and go away. Damian sits at their table alone staring at the crumbs of cookies. He looks lonely. Danny standard and walks over to him. But before he reaches the table his occupant whirles to face him. His eyes are very green. Not like ectoplasm but close. They are pretty expresive. Danny can see frustration and confusion in them.
-hi there!
Geats cheerfully.
- I don’t have any cash on me right now
Its the first thing Damian says to him. Rude Danny thinks even if he does looks like a beggar with his thorn jeans and dirty jumper, but he has a mission. And he does the one thing that helps him in stressfull, akward or life treathening situations: he turns it into a joke
- Shame but I will make an exeption for you and give you my services for free
- I am not interested
Damian seems irritated now. Danny procedes to ignore him and sits at the table.
- Well as an expert in friendship I can tell you that those guys weren’t your friends. Better keep away from them
- Thats none of your business. Go away
- well maybe not but you should know what they were saying to you….
And then Danny proceded to inform Damian about the hidden insults and racizem comments. Damian tried to say something and even walk away but Danny wos presistent. When he finaly finished Damian exploded
- Leave me you insolent lowborn go find yourself another imbecyle to milk for money! Or I will stab you!
- Wow that same fancy insults there. I havent Heard lowborn yet. Anyway have a good day!
And Danny proceded to turn on his heel and walk away. He left Damian dumbfoned staring at his back. if the boy decided to do something about this then good if not then Danny at least feels like he did everything he could in this situation.
-
Damian wos confused. That homless lowborn wos strange. He wos not familiar with Damian nor his family. But. Damian couldnt stop thinking about what he told him. About his classmates their words and hidden meanings. Damian wos not hier to Demons head and son of Batman without a reason. He had skills, keen mind and wos curious. So he checked, he spent almost all night reading different forums and sites about bulling and racizem. He tried not Think about how much he resembled Drake in the morning. What he found wos…. Not plesant. It turned out he missed a lot of signs of his position at school. It wos unbeconing of someone of his class. He wos glad to be aware of that problem but now he did not know what to do with it. Father and Grayson expected him to make „friends” and up until yesterday he thought he fullfiled their orders thru his classmates but now he realised it wos failure. He did not want father to Discover his mistake. So now he has different problem he does not know exacly what that „friendship” wos supposed to be. Internet wos not really helpfull, there were so many diversive definitions that he wos confused about what wos true. He wos not going to admit to father or Grayson his incompetence. He will find solution himself. He has one idea that just might work. The lowborn named himself expert in friendship. Damian just has to find him and ask. He seemed willing to sell his knowledge.
-
Danny wos a little confused and suprised to see angry boy from two days before him. In his defense Danny did not start this conversation. It wos Damian who came to his bench across the café and demanded his services. Which wos weird in itself even before he asked about the price. But he did remember that he made a joke about services so that checks.
- look I am not…
Started Danny but Damian cut him off.
- you introduced yourself as an expert in friendship so I require your services. I will pay generously.
God now Danny wos going to be arrested for child manipulation and thieft. No that can’t happen. He already is hunted for his halfa status that’s enough.
- Listen I don’t want any money. I joked that day. I saw a kid being bullied and stepped in. Further events does not concern me.
Danny tried to leave but the kid wos presistent.
- Well your knowledge proved usefull. I want more
-kid, Damian I don’t want to get in trouble by using you or something. I am pretty sure there is some paragraph for that. Ask Google, it’s better option. And without me involved
- you think I didn’t do it already?! I am not stupid, but the information there are contradicting itself and I can’t distinguish what is true and what is not!!!!
Danny looks at Damian. He is shaking a little, and his words are colored by desperation. Ancients this is trouble… but he wos in this situation before wosnt he? A boy who does not know basic social skills in foreign dimension…alone and lost. Fuck he can’t leave Damian hanging. He can feel his fear in the air. Damn ghost abilities.
- Fine what’s your problem?
-
Danny has been meeting with Damian for over 2 months now. the kid wos socially awkward but quick witted and genarlly nice company. Well Danny wos alone for so long that his judgement may be clouded by he does not dwell on that. It’s nice having someone around. And Damian talks to him. He missed that. First few meeting wos a little awkward but it got better. Danny tried to be helpful,?first they talked about the school interactions, who even wos a friend. But then they got deeper, it turned out that Damian knew about social interactions little to nothing. They talked about family how it works, what it should be like. It wos ironic considering Danny neglectful parents and dangerous home. But he knew how it should look like. Jazz make sure of that when she wos alive. Then Damian started to open up about his origin. Trainings, mother and weird hierarchy. Well Danny saw a lot wilder shit in the zone. A kid from assassin cult wosnt the most shocking but still fucked up. He thinks that Damian might be even winning his little competition: „who had more screwed childhood” He thinks that his calmness helped Damian to share. Ancients he feels like Jazz…. It is not that bad. Damian brings him snacks, becouse Danny refused any money. And Danny talks to him too. Tells him about the stars, laughs about stories of Sam and Tucker Damian will never know who is he talking about so there is no harm. First time from death of everyone loved he does not feel alone.
-
Damian didnt plan to get close to Danny. It wosnt the plan. But he wos such good listener. Danny wos systematic in his explanation of reactions and habits that are „normal” in society. He wosnt showing horror or acted surprised when he told him about discipline in league or it’s hierarchy. He didn’t even flinch when he conveyed stories of trying to establish his position in manor by attempting to murder Drake. He listened then pointed out how different manor and league functioned and then calmly suggested that he should talk to Timothy. Just like that no screaming or anger. Now he knows why father wos so frustrated with him. According to Danny family doesn’t have strict hierarchy or rules punishable by death. It wos strange to have everything finally explained. He understands so much more. He sees that Grayson tried to explain it to him before. But as much as he is fond of the man he wos unsuccessful in his attempts. But he still has one problem… father told him to make friends. It’s a mission that he is failing right now. And if he is being honest he is not talented in this department. Not that he will admit it to anyone… well apart from Danny. When he asked him what else he should do to accomplish this mission he got quiet and fidgeted for a while and then offered
- well if you want I can be your friend
Damian stopped his walk and stared at him. Did Danny filled all the requirements? He did helped Damian not expecting anything in return which friends are supposed to do according to Danny himself, his presence wos entertaining. They understood each other. Both suspicious of their surroundings and cautious in every situation. They know about each other a lot of useless information like favourite food (Danny loved burgers), colors, hobbies or general interests.
-yes that would be acceptable
Damian saw the happy glint in Danny’s eyes and the way he relaxed. They started to walk again as if it wosnt admission of most importance.
So I may post a little follow up about how Tim reacted to Damian apology? I will see. As you can see my writing isn’t the best sorry😅. So in here Danny’s family and friends from Amity are dead and he is 16-isch Damian is fresh from the league and is obviously confused.
444 notes · View notes
azurlily · 1 year
Text
Day 9 of 31 of the yandere month May challenge. This yandere is more than intense so DARK DUCKING THEMES.
So my mental health hasn't been the best lately. I'm sorry I didn't post day 8, I'll be getting it out whenever I can. This one ain't all that long, I apologize.
Azula has been your "friend" for a good couple years. When you start pulling away, you see just how fucked up she is.
Tumblr media
Yandere!Azula ANGST
Tumblr media
"It's not a big deal."
"It's not a big deal."
"It's not a big deal."
Over and over again. You hear those words leave Azulas mouth. She always has a reason, you hate it. You hate that you cant just say no to her. To her no, means "willing to just don't want to."
You've told her time and time again. She refuses to listen, Azula thinks that it's fine. She's not getting hurt, she's not getting in trouble. She thinks it's okay and that you enjoy it. She thinks you enjoy being her punching bag, her scapegoat, her guard. Her everything.
All of the truly important people have been replaced, by you no less. You hate it, hate the idea and hate the jobs. It isn't fun and more times than not it's just Azula saying or doing bad things. You thought she'd grow out of that.
Azula always called you a friend, and you did too. You didn't notice her relying on you, you didn't know what it ment. To Azula, giving up so much power, to her ot means she trusts you. She trusts you more than any other friend.
You're not though, not her friend. No, to her, to Azula you are a suitor. And a good one at that. She wants to marry you, and she assumed it was obvious from how she acted around you. You chalked it up to her using you.
One day, oh that day. Azula had wanted to test one of her new tricks on you. In reality, she wanted to hurt you so you'd need to rely on her for once. It was a smart plan in her mind, except you hate the power she holds over you. So why would you give her more?
You didn't. When she attacked you, you fought back. You didn't(couldn't) win, but that's okay. You just showed Azula you aren't her puppet. You aren't her toy for when she's bored.
You had fallen to the ground. You were shaking, you're not used to trying to hard in fights. Azula really is on another level. Speaking of Azula, she was standing over you. Pissed. Why would you fight back? She knows(thinks) she isn't subtle, she assume you figure out her plan.
Did you not want to be coddled? Well too bad. Seeing how hard she hurt you, the chance of you getting out of bed for the next few days. They're utterly slim.
You had found your way up, trying to walk away. Azula tried helping, but you flinched and pushed her away. You told her to stay away, and this time as well as every other time. No means no. She needed to understand that before coming near you again.
"What? What the hell are you talking about? I know that no means no, I've never forced you to do anything. You always changed your mind!"
Lies. They're lies and she knows it. You can see it on her face. You walk into the palace, into your room. You refused food, water, and most importantly Azula. Anytime she tried coming in, it was like you just knew. Like you had a sixth sense for her(for danger).
Finally Azula decided that this whole "giving you space" thing. It wasn't going to work, neither would apologizing, mainly because she wouldn't. Instead she broke into your room, it was late, so late you'd fallen asleep. She stood above your bed, her cheeks glowing red.
"You look so cute when you're sleeping. If only your actions were as cute during the day."
She puts a hand on your cheek. A few stray flames warming your cheek. You feel it, feel the warmth. You shoot up, slamming your hand against Azulas chest. It didn't do anything but surprise her. She stood there, she looked like a kid getting caught stealing a cookie.
Your eyes finally met, you were afraid of what you had seen in hers. Frenzy. Pure fucked up, frenzy. She looked at you the way you'd look at prey, but at the same time. The way you'd stare at your partner of 10 years. With unmoving, and unwavering adoration.
Finally you move your hand away from her chest. You scooch further into the bed. Away from her. You ask her why she's here, what she wants. You see the frenzy die down, slowly calming down. A dark smile, Azulas face finds it way to her face.
"I'm here because you refused to let me in. What do I want? In terms you'll understand. . .you. I want you in every sense of the word, and I've almost convinced my father. Just a little more and you'll be my wife."
You were appalled by her words. You tell her to get out, you yell that she's a monster. She smile is still there, it's different now though. Before it was smug, cocky, scary, mean. Now it's dark, cold but at the same time hot, psychotic, and down right fucked up. It looks like someone you'd see from her father, that monster of a man.
"You will be my wife. Cry all you want, I'll be here to catch you when you fall. I intend to make you perfect, all I have to do is help force you to love me."
Her grip tightens, the smile fading, but the darkness not leaving her eyes. She leans closer, her forehead pressed against yours.
"I'll make you see. I'm better, better than anyone. I don't need to hurt you for that."
"I'm sorry for hurting you, but please love me."
Those are the words that refuse to leave her mouth. The words she could have said, if not for her pride.
"Hate me if you want. Giving in though, that would make me nicer. You know it too, just-"
You slapped her across the face. You yelled at her and probably woke a few servants. Your glare is hard and unwavering.
"Fine then. Violence wasn't my first choice, but you refuse to listen."
That night all you felt was the excruciating pain of Azulas fire. The morning after she was different. Not colder, nor did she have those crazy eyes. She was just herself, if not a bit touchier. She acted like she'd done nothing wrong, and even bragged to Mai about you accepting her proposal.
You just sat and listened, trying to hold the tears back. You didn't notice it, but Mai did. You didn't notice how no matter how long she talked to Mai, her eyes never left you. When they did, it was to blink, or to looked away when you looked at her.
Azula knows, she knows what's she's done. She knows she'll end up living with it, that in reality this is just a step to changing her relationship with you. Azula knows she's a monster in your eyes, and that not fine. It's never going to be fine. Sadly she brought this upon herself.
All Azula can do it hope the gifts, the attention, the love. She hopes it's enough, because if not, if not. . . She might do something to herself she's going to regret later.
358 notes · View notes
lappel-du-vide83 · 1 month
Text
You know when brains merge together stuff you know like ooh this is cool let me add it to my obssession
Yeah so have og cale and asoue TOGETHER
Okay so obvious parallels first: the three siblings. The henituse county might have fallen during the battle but doesn't mean they had to die then and there. If i may be so mean, the siblings died one by one with ogcale the last one standing.
The extended family members are already presented in the story as douchebags so why not make it one step further and make them secretly work for the white star?
So it goes, once the henituse county fell, without Deruth and Violan to take charge, the reconstriction is delegated to an extended family member but with none of the existing family members willing to take on this burden in times of unrest, they come across a thames willing to take over who is very eager andhella suspicious (the evil uncle if you will) (also i have yet to read past like chapter 200 in part 2 of tcf so the hunter lore WILL be headcannon). And surprise, surprise, he wants the henituse fortune. (the want for money runs in the family) So begins the torment as the siblings protect eachother and try to find a way out. They finally manage to convince someone from deruths side to take them in, finally escaping his clutches.
Thus begins the hunt.
The uncle starts killing every new guardian they get and they try explaining that this mysterious uncle that is not one record wants then either dead or in his clutches but no one will listen to them. They get called the bearers of misfortune that will kill anyone that cares for them and why would anyone believe them? One's trash and the other two aren't even adults.
Bonus points if, like i said earlier, if they were working for the white star, the very bane of their existance and the reason why their family is dead. Because yes, how awful, but they were still better than living under that guy and there's this guilty conflict of emotions.
Now unfortunately, canon dictates (wait does it tho im not actually sure) that i must kill off the siblings so it happens as freak accidents--unexpected and something that couldnt be prepared for. They were already living on the edge but then something slips past (more pain of its a betrayal) and (e.g) basen dies. And it slowly consumes the other two because they couldnt protect him because why was it him it should have been me.
And then its lily. She dies honourably in battle because she wouldn't have it any other way but it ruins cale because what if he's the reason everyone he loves is dying?(i stand by the parallels in ogcale and krs life) He's literally been the centre of it--the only one connecting these deaths.
There's no one else for him to blame and take the anger out on because i think the uncle would die tragically and in vain too(cant believe he spent part of his life hunting down kids) and now there's nothing tying cale down except his obsession to kill the white star anddd we come to the part where he signs up for the final battle and dies.
In the middle, i think it will be cool if he encouters the hunters and theyre like the vfd. They keep seeing references to it everywhere and meet members that either want to help or kill them but never get a concrete answer for who they are and everytime they get close to finding out the truth something stops them (or just cale trying to find out who the FRICK his mom was being affiliated with for them to cause mass destruction so easily)
And just like asoue we get an ambiguous ending. Is he happy? Is he not? Who knows--not the readers! But we can imagine he is for our mental health.
Dang the angst is strong but i think it gives way for more thames lore and sibling shenanigans and, well, more angst and this was run on 11pm hyperfixation so ill add more if i can think of it. Hope you enjoyed reading! Also lemme know if you can think of more i would love to read it
25 notes · View notes
neopuppy · 11 days
Note
i follow both your nct and enha blogs, so i saw your reply to an ask on your enha blog which also mentioned renjun and it felt wrong messaging you abt him there so i will just message you abt him here haha. hope you don’t mind!!!
have you seen renjun’s message on bbl where he exposed a sasaeng’s twt account? that was bravery right there. i hope that’ll serve as an example to idols and warning to crazy fans
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
I was going THROUGH it last night bc of this jcjejcjdjd I genuinely dont know if I’d be as concerned if it was anyone other than Renjun only given the circumstances(SM ent. and their long history of torturing idols- plus what was also happening with cbx/exo yesterday)
going to say this as someone who is on my 3rd SM group that I’m watching fall apart in real time once again, this is likely Dreams last run(the irony) as a properly promoted group. the only reason they even still get so much is because they are huge in Asia and have always been(PROBABLY BC SM HAS NEVER ONCE TRIED TO BREAK THEM INTO THE WESTERN MARKET THE WAY THEY DID WITH 127 BUT THATS BC 127 WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR US FANS- we know how that went). its so hard to watch your favs literally cry for help and you cant do anything when its their own company working against them.
sasaengs are kept alive by INTERNAL staff that have access to information such as private schedule locations, hotels, flights, etc. why else would the SAME people always conveniently ‘show up’ to unannounced events that were never for ‘fans’ to begin with?
Renjun is one of the handful of actual talented idols we have in the age of 2024 where all kpop idols need to do is buy an entirely new face to debut and be deemed “it boy/girl”, makes me sick to my stomach that he cant do his job peacefully bc of people who relentlessly stalk him, purposely sit by him on planes, call his phone day and night.
I’m fr just a normal person, not famous just living my life and my anxiety is BAD. way worse when I was younger and would have physical panic attacks to the point of throwing up. I got help(therapy, meds, etc) fortunately and learned how to calm my anxiety but I always think abt how idols have to deal with this especially when I’m at the airport. like INTL travel is so fucking stressful and taxing on the body, I cannot imagine camera shooting at me the second I step off a 16 hr flight where weird ass ssngs followed me to the bathroom and took pictures of me SLEEPING the entire time! only to run after me in mobs after going through customs.
like idfk why anyone would defend this animalistic behavior. if an idol feels desperate enough to share their mental health issues with us as fans- coming from a place and industry where this is very stigmatized- WE NEED TO LISTEN, AS FANS WHO RESPECT AND TRUST HIM. I wish I could do something, but I cant, and I would beat up every ssng to exists if it held no repercussion bc famous or not these are HUMAN BEINGS, and they dont deserve this.
I really worry given the kpop track record of idols choosing their exit instead of finding help. I am so proud of Renjun for putting himself first and taking this time off to heal himself. like there is just so many things and I am worried abt all of Dream, they debuted so young and have some of the worst ssngs out of all of kpop with a company who wont lift a finger to protect them. in this case they truly only have us(the actual fans)and Renjun going public with this proves that.
I hope anyone who has invaded their privacy feels ashamed, and this goes for ‘fans’ that follow them around the world/are constantly in fan calls/fan signs etc- you are weird. period. nothing normal about that one-sided parasocial relationship that you brag abt online, and instead of spending $1000’s upon $1000’s on bothering an idol who will never fuck you, maybe consider investing in a much needed grippy sock vacation.
I think these people are beyond help, and unfortunately they have the funds or limitless credit to endorse their madness. I need more idols to see this and start calling out these weirdos. NO ONE SHOULD ALLOW THIS BEHAVIOR TO BE NORMALIZED, end of story.
21 notes · View notes
delphientropy · 2 months
Text
being a host who has a partner but no other alter is dating them is hard
when someone doesnt know who they are or were blurry or confused, we just tend to say were host
and of course because not many safe spaces exist outside of online communities, we have to just. be host anyway.
i dont know why they just say "i love you too" back to my boyfriend even if they dont mean it just to preserve his feelings. he knows were a system. he respects our boundries and he doesnt get upset when we switch and cant return his feelings . but some do it anyway. some dont even realize they arent me/host and do it
but we often dont realize we switch all the fucking time so. sometimes its weirdd...sigh
and sometiems we switch and that person doesnt know they have to yknow. go on simply plural. and track that they arent me anymore. so i talk to hima nd he assumes their me
and we also for some reason kind of struggle yo say whos fronting out loud sometimes? esp in middle of conversation. we just quietly change the simply plural and hope he notices TwT
its not that we feel uncomfortable around him either (quite the opposite, we collectively like him and view him as a safe person) but we also have a stigmatized mental disorder that could honestly put me in danger if i give away too much. so talking about being a system outloud outside of system servers and communities or communities that have systems is always hard. plus our other struggles in trusting/telling people how we feel.
we do trust him. i love him. very much. but at home i could never fucking say anything about me or mh mental health without my dad going on a tangent and it just doesn't help
and our general trauma forces us to think that when we open up no one will listen or respect our boundries (we do have a lot of boundry crossing trauma)
so yeah um being mentally ill sucks ass 0/10 dont recommend
26 notes · View notes
itsaspectrumcomic · 5 months
Note
man ok idk if youll be able to advise on this or something but like. do you know anything regarding dealing with like internalised ableism?
i live in a rural part of ireland, right? and idk what it is about rural ireland but some of the people are heinous. my school is in a small miserable-ass town and like. God, man. not everyone sucks, of course but like. jesus lol additionally i have a ~mildly ableist~ mother (a "we're all a little bit autistic" and "erm. youre not disabled because youre not in a wheelchair or blind/deaf" etc etc type stuff. + "npd = bad person" which isnt particularly good for me specifically because i have npd (that i both Cant get an official diagnosis for, for various reasons, and im not really Looking for one either because i know what i am and its not like you get support for it because ~ooh scary narcissist~.)
and like. idk if this is Obvious but that can kinda cause a weird-ass relationship with You (being Me in this case, yk how it is with the second person perspective when. ranting) and The Concept Of Being Disabled. like, objectively. im disabled. im autistic, ive definitely got adhd (that im hopefully going to get examined for at some point cause college stuff requires it for the disability forums and stuff. gotta love that. fuckin 80% comorbidity right?), ive got a laughable number of repetative strain injuries, i have a sensory processing disorder, an endocrine disease that effects my Entire cardiovascular system, a spine that felt a lil quirky and bent in too much. so on a so forth
but also like. it feels wrong to call myself disabled. yk, like im doing a disservice to all the other ~actually~ disabled people (being Anyone but me lol) (none of this is At All helped by the fact that my mother refuses to listen to me regarding Jack Shit about my health in Any way. "oh you nearly passed out on top of a hill because of your cardiovascular condition? erm youre just not exercising enough actually" "you dont have depression [said while i was filling out an assigned mood diary after being forcefully brought to camhs for Reasons" like. shut the fuck up and Listen to me please. at least Entertain the idea that i could be right about something for fucking once lmao. cause ive been right about EVERYTHING regarding my mental health so fucking far so. fuck off /nay ofc) (also man. like, even if you ignored the physical issues ive got im still disabled on account of being autistic. like, motor function is fine, despite being a lil clumsy and/or unsteady sometimes but like. my emotional needs are Fucked. think of the response youd get if you asked a. fuckin. 8 year old or something to do algebra. but with a very emotionally stunted and traumatised 17 year old lol. lmao, even /lh)
so like. if youve got. any advice or whatever on any of this thatd be Super cool + no pressure obvs. sorry this is a whole. like. fucking essay's worth of Random Guy Complaining To You On The Internet lol
-🐢 <- just so i can find this again if you respond. i Like Turtles. i am Normal about the tmnt and also turtles The Creatures. i wont talk at length about turtle mutant anatomy (i am deceiving you)
Internalised ableism is a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you're surrounded by people who constantly re-enforce it. I've also spent a lot of time worrying that I'm not disabled 'enough' to deserve certain accommodations, that I'm making an unnecessary fuss. But the truth is, autism IS a disability and if there are accommodations that can help support you, you deserve access to them. You're not taking away from others with disabilities by advocating for yourself.
It's taken me a long time to understand this and I still worry sometimes. What has helped is talking about my experiences with people I know understand, like my therapist or best friend, and learning about the experiences of other autistic people through books, social media, YouTube and even real life.
I'm sorry your mother and others aren't being understanding - remember that's a them problem, not you, and try to spend your time with people who do understand.
🐢🐢🐢 <- the turtles wish you luck
35 notes · View notes
kaoharu · 5 days
Note
how would you rate every a' song & ciel song ever! looks
yippeeeeeeeee !!!!!! heart heart
ill start with ciel bc he has less songs lol
Ache&Deny – worlds most predictable baby ( me ) ok anyways im just a reallly big sucker for kenns vocals in this song. the guitar Also gets me so bad really fucked up how its Always there . even when the loud drums come in . eheh :my eyes tear up: i dont have any comments for the lyrics unfortunately ( mg illness doesnt allow it . . . )
Heaven's Door – i really like the instrumentals for this song also . also always a big fan of when lyrics reference religious concepts and stuff like literally wahtever ( htis is just like hanadoll . sorry )
BLACK ANTHEM – religious concepts again. hi i think hes so interesting stares off into space did you know that die fledermaus is thw name of a german operetta . which im pretty sure is why in the intro ( and the instrumental breaks ) there is the opera like singing. so cool right thumbs up emoji
LUV (Your) StiNG – i just think he sounds really good in this one . no further comments :scratches head:
Vibes – i actually reallly lvoe the lyrics of this song it sucks i cant place it higher . sinc ehe only has five songs. bursts into tears sorry ok also random but it just feels really criminal for vibes ro be last. i love this song i just love the others more for various reasons waaaahhhhh
aaaand for a' 👍 im so excited for his headliner release in :checks calendar: october . strained smile
Pinch102gou – worlds most predictable baby pt2 ( its still me ) i dont even have a really good explanation other than the instrumentals have kept me captive for literally forever. oh yeha and i rlly kimuryos vocal performance its very cool . . . the lyrics are ❓️ if im being honest.i still dont know what he meant but its fine. i like it i dont have to understand
SorakaraHuruYume – this song makes me want to shatter into ten billion pieces i have a hard time listening to it purely bc it makes me stupidly emotional whej i thinkna little too hard in fact i havent even fully listened to it in a while bc i keep skipping and avoiding it cause i get really sad LMAO im ill
THE MIRROR HOUSE – this peaked i love it veryvery much the contrast between it and sorakarahuruyume is wild to me. anyways tho i like to look at the lyrics and jst sit down and think a bit its his second song talking abt mirror images . . . hrmmm
Kamukamu Miracle – I LOVE THE LYRICS FOR THIS SONG. theyre truly as fun as the instrumentals if we ignore his mental health streaks . its season one :] hes just a sillyguy :] and whatnot anyways this is Truly a nsfw song to me heart heart
RE:Morse – big fan of mirror imagery and stuff. i feel liek the lyrics here are an interesting glimpse into how a' views himself and his issues . . . . not rlly sure how to articulate my thoughts on this aside from theyre just kinda Separate from his identity raaaahhh what am i saying
Dakara Onegai Dakara – this song fucks i think it should be listened to more 👍 the lyrics are surprisingly ( or not rlly surprisingly bc this is a' afterall ? ) serious despite his instrumental whimsy what do you mean do you want to kill yourself why are you asking us man /silly
Masaka no Massacre! – worlds biggest sin is that i have literally never been able to find a tl for this song. who cares tho ig it can still be peak to me
Papipupepo de Rarirurero – no one loves this song like me. itd be second place if not for factoring in lyrics . the lyrics are ok papipupepo and rarirurero are really fun to say tho and i can spell it out without having to double check myself anymorw . heh
Yoiyami ni ainori – i looooove how this song sounds . nodding the lyrics are also interesting to me with the various meanings of some phrases in it
Crazy≒Nutrient – i rlly like how it sounds. im not gettung into the lyrics :seal eyes:
#HAPPY – the lyrics for this song are really sweet to be honest. a' happiness ambassador . . . . . . . . . . . . . . i like this song 👍 to be honest maybe it shld be a little bit higher but the instrumentals dont strike me as much as some of his other songs and such . but yes i think everyone shld read the lyrics nodding
Calling Cat – everytime i listen to this song i think of lady gaga im sorry anyways its a very solid song tho i think the lyrics are an interesting read . glimpses into his strange as fuck mind as they say(?)
Ningen Yametatte yo – this song is Very heavy instrumental wise. i think it is neat still . . . yeah :]
Yotsuba CLOVER – i wish i liked this song more like. its very good its jusr surprisingly not up my alley . the lyrics are quite nice however so hearttt
Mirai e – this song is alright . j feel like id like it more if i cld find a tl for the lyrics WAAAAHHHHH anyways not too much to say i feel like unfortunately. i do like the music break its very fun sounding everything else was just Average for me. is this mean
S≠O≒S – waaahhh. i have a complicated relationship with this song. i think the lyrics are ok and the music is fun but i juust feel like his other songs are Better im sorry sos i still like you
KKK->E – another one i cant find a tl for my misery but its ok 👍 this one is a weaker a' song imo like i like it but its not very nsfw soundign thay sounds awful hello . you know i mean it just doesn't sound like their bands usual music to me
10 notes · View notes
n3xii · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
This reading aims to give you pratical insight of what you need to know right now in order to keep moving forward with your full potential. Choose the picture that you feel most drawn to and find your reading below ♡
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Pile one
Where you are right now- five of cups
There's a strong motivation to transform both physically and mentally at the moment. The reason I say that is because 5 of cups is represented by Mars in Scorpio. There might have been a period of loss or disappointment that triggered you to recover and restore the parts of you that were repressed perhaps by a relationship, friendship, or cycle in life. You're motivation to change and transform comes from a deep place of sadness, maybe even a place of getting revenge to prove your worth.
What you need to know about this 》 7 of wands and 3 of wands
In order to stay committed to this change, you need to stand your ground. You're illuminating a new path for yourself, this requires boldness and courage. You have the strength to pull through. You have established within yourself the emotional resources to stand up to old habits and old thought patterns. You have the mental fortitude to illuminate the courage within. What you need to know is that the transformation you're enacting isn't just external, it's internal as well. You have the strength to overcome past habits and thinking patterns so dont be afraid to use it. Don't let old patterns and self concepts bully you out of your place. You have been through so much and already established so much progress, your old beliefs about yourself cant stop you unless you let them.
Practical advice - 4 of cups + 2 of pentacles reversed
Don't take on too many things at this moment. Focus on recovering your emotional health. Meditation, naps, listening to asmr, spending time with family. Anything that helps you go within and refresh. Over doing it with too many tasks and responsibilities will drain you, so if you can try not to over occupy yourself. Enact help and support if you need too.
Pile two
Where are you right now- queen of cups
At the moment, you're able to hold signifigant space for yourself, more than you were able to before. You allow yourself to emotionally ride the rollar coaster of life, to ride the ups and downs of your emotions without abdoning yourself on the ride. I feel like before you were in a place where any hint of an overwheling feeling would shut you doen completely, sending you into apathy or overdrive. Now youre able to pratice prescense with yourself. You don't place judgement or limitations on what you feel, instead you simply allow your emotions to go through their natural states. Because of this, you're especially receptive to psychic ability, your intution is speaking to you through your emotions. Because you don't judge what emotions are occurring, your intution speaks to you through this as a channel. Track your moods and take inventory of what your emotions are communicating to you. Being aware of what your emotional senses are communicating allows you to tend to your emotional needs.
What you need to know about this - the sun and 9 of pentacles
You're attracting financial opportunities that are gonna sustain you for long periods of time. Like the sun sustians the earth with warmth and sunlight, your able to sustain your own inner world through tending to your emotional needs. Your operating from a place of authenticity, and this authenticity is attracting material gain and illuminating new ways to sustain yourself financially. Opportunities for self employment will likely arise, if you're looking to manifest money and sustainable income your already attracting it. The way you've been treating yourself is opening up so many doors for abundance. Your inner light is now bestowing externally and illuminating abundance.
Practical advice- page of cups and page of wands
Your Dreams are communicating important things about your passions and interests. Pay attention to your dreams and take inventory of what messages are coming through. Write down symbols and signs, interpret them and let them be a guide for inspiration. I'm seeing here that for you guys, there is an important message you need to hear about your passions as your dreams want to help you materlize these passions. Your Dreams are providing ideas, maybe e en a blue print of what action you can take so let them inspire you and motivate you in your journey.
Pile three
Where you are right now - ace of pentacles
You're at the root of a new beginning. You're planting seeds for future plans to materialize and come to fruition. Right now, your energy is attracting the nurturing people and tools needed to fullfill whatever it is you're planting. You're in a place where the right mindset and energy as come together. Youre generating a source of infinite potiental from within. Meaning the source of potiental comes from you and the effort you put forward in the future. The pentacle of potential lies within, you are enchanted in your own way.
What you need to know about this- nine of pentacles reversed and knight of cups
Take this new beginning day by day. Take care of yourself, be slow and gentle. I feel like you guys want to rush to the finish line before you've even started the race. It's going to be ok. Slow down and accept that it's going to take some time and sustained effort to be where you want to be. This new seed you're planting requires you to step up put in the work. Don't rush it or half ass it. The nine of pentacles teaches us about thr importance creating a sanctuary for ourselves to work and complete our daily responsibilties with ease. You're in a new beginning, don't compare yourself to where others are, instead focus your energy on creating a sanctuary for yourself. A place where you can do all the work that's needed of you with comfort and stability.
Practical advice -justice reversed and 2 of cups
Now is not a time to make promises or commitments offical. You're being asked to hold off of making any promises you don't know if you can keep. Your integrity to other people, especially close partnerships and friendships, is really important in this time period. You may not be able to put in equal effort or hold up your end of the deal when it comes to any potential commitments. This could include relationship offers, job responsibilities or offers, maybe even 0offers to hang our with someone. Be honest with yourself in this time, don't accidently make a promise you can't keep.
289 notes · View notes
versethetic · 2 months
Note
Hi verse, you are like a cpmfort blog to me so i decided to ask you.. its just that i have fed myself way too much info about loa for ,2 years and my life is kinda bad like i got caught committing suicide the last hour thats the only reasob of me being here now.. yk i trust you and bloggers dont get me wrong but it just started to feel like im escaping my depression fooling myself with some utopic Tumblr content. You will probably tell me to take a break but i'm kinda done with breaks and just want to change my life but i just cant do anything do you have any advice bb 😭😭
i want you to understand that i don’t mean any malice or harm by saying this, but if you are in such desperation and your mental health is taking this much of a toll, then a break is the first thing you need.
especially if overconsuming tumblr is a big reason for it.
that doesn’t mean stop consuming loassum posts and then come back doing the same exact thing as before. that means take a break and learn how to validate yourself in your own mind. without needing to hear answers and tips you already know from us bloggers.
you need to break this habit or instinct you have to come up here or on any other platform seeking tips, epiphanies, the one true answer or just to get all the information that you can because i can guarantee you, if you’ve overconsumed info then you have more than enough knowledge to take this break.
you should not be up on tumblr if you’ve just had a serious event occur like that, especially this recently. and that is not to shame you but to help you realize that you’ve already got your answers bb.
you can do anything. that trust you put in me and all these other bloggers, you need to start putting in yourself.
take a break. whether it’s a day, a week, a month, try anything to safely make yourself feel better because loassum (and what you want) is not going anywhere.
write out your feelings, daydream, meditate, listen to music. genuinely become more in tune with things that make you feel better and then sit with yourself.
honestly and truly sit with yourself and think through where you’re going to go from here.
take your most precious time ml.
· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·
if you feel like reading posts on tumblr that badly, pick a few basic posts or ones you really resonate with and only refer to them and don’t go trying to find something new. a few i recommend:
look at these posts here
11 notes · View notes
solomons-poison · 1 year
Note
my mind is going in circles right now
okok whats ur opinion on ex hubby sol and mephisto
i always type sol btw because it’s awkward writing his full name (dk whyy)
with mephisto there would be angst potential, maybe he let his pride get in his way and ended up hurting you along with his pride, he doesnt rlly believe in ‘divorce’ so he’ll try to act like nothing is wrong but inside of him its killing him, hes in denial, disbelief of himself and the whole situation
with sol i cant rlly imagine divorcing him (maybe bc im biased with him) but for the sake of this, there would be so much angst potential like so much, the first human in a very very long time he had deeply loved until it was all shattered by his own hands
jskajskaakao
Ohhhhhhh yes ex-husband angst, it just hurts so good.... (Sol is under the cut, this just got very long lol; also unintentionally wrote this as reader suggesting the divorce, cause both guys seem like ride-or-die with their partners to me and I cant see them bringing it up without good cause...)
Divorcing Mephisto would absolutely be so dramatic and very painful. He's either going to explode on you, yelling and gesturing wildly and maybe even making baseless accusations against you (that he will 100% regret later and you'll never forget what he said). Or he'll suddenly get unnaturally quiet/ignore or avoid you. Even if you need to get documents signed or need to talk about how to break up assets, etc, he avoids you at all costs. The only thing that might turn him around is if people start rumors about you or your relationship (or lack thereof), because he still cares about you and doesn't want your name slandered like that by others.
He'll definitely be in denial for a while, and hurt you that way by saying things like "you don't mean it/want this", "just give it some time and you'll see you're wrong". He absolutely won't listen to you until you have to get a third party involved that he can't ignore, like Diavolo. It is a super messy affair...
There would be so much tension between you two, and if the divorce is for anything other than falling out of love, I can bet there'd be a lot of instances of angry sudden makeout sessions or breakup sex tbh. If you're not careful, you might get stuck in a cycle of hookups/dating again and then sudden breakup.
Now, divorcing Solomon... He definitely isn't explosive like Mephisto would be. I can see him being very quiet about the whole ordeal, but the pain and sadness is so evident in his eyes. His smiles afterwards are all strained and forced. Cause you know that you were the light in his life, the color in his world that he had initially lost after becoming immortal.
I think initially, you two would come to an understanding about the divorce, it would be a mutual agreement with little argument or fights. But he will ask for some time to think about things beforehand (meaning time for you to think about it too). And don't get him wrong, he is absolutely upset about the whole ordeal. But it's not your fault that you feel the way you do, you have a right to be happy and he wants to support that. But it's definitely painful to him.
I think even after becoming a full fledged sorcerer, you two would still have a kind of mentor-student relationship since he's so knowledgeable about spells and magic. So during/after the divorce, he may want to stop teaching you because being in close quarters with you is too much to stand. As much as he wants to be by your side, it's so bad for his own mental health and he'll put distance between you two.
Like I said, these are kind of focused on reader wanting the divorce, for whatever reasons, just cause I can't really see either Mephisto or Solomon ever wanting to divorce, they'd try everything to make things right again. But if you have thoughts about it going the other way, I'm very interested. Sorry for the word vomit, I've been really into the ex-husband angst vibe recently and it's so bad for me lol
108 notes · View notes
mountain-lion-gremlin · 5 months
Text
a good reason to leave for me:
i honestly think it would be safer for me and therians to not be in the same space sometimes haha. P-shifting isn't safe for many and it can really hurt others.
Although I would love to stay, I know that it's probably safer for everyone to no longer teach it and keep to myself about things that involve how to shift and such.
P-shifting isn't a joke and can harm people who suffer from mental issues and other things of that sort. Its just not safe to teach in a large public space. It's something only some can stomach and be safe while doing. Plus some communities that are too unregulated exist and may mess with people's reality and how they perceive it. Some are too open to allow people to start p-shifting right off the bat and it's just too dangerous that way. (including those that say "oh just wait you will shift eventually but you cant control it at all" those are even worse.)
Theres a very good reason why newer communities are very apprehensive about teaching, or telling, or allowing new people who know nothing about it just hop in and start shifting. Usually if you are coming to the "learning" community (as in, you are following steps laid out by others to understand your identity) there is guidelines, there are warnings, etc. It's just too risky to not follow these guidelines and not listen to the warnings.
Dont start p-shifting right when you find out. Take the time to start a journal. Understand that what you are getting into isn't something that will make you cool or quirky. You risk your mental health if you are not careful. You have to be born to be a p-shifter. You must first mental shift before you can even think about p-shifting. P-shifting is not easy and will take years to even get to a point where you start getting somewhere physically.
The list goes on. When someone who is teaching shifting slacks in saying these things, you can harm someone. It takes a very long time to even get to the point where you may be ready to p-shift. Some never will p-shift. You have to accept these realities too. Not to mention how some older guides, although effective, can be so incredibly risky. (Such as completely shutting out the world and being an animal 24/7. Some people just take it too far and do it too early and ruin themselves.) Its just not worth it sometimes.
Thats why I'm leaving Tumblr. Too open, not safe for neither me nor others looking in. I know I usually don't have these sorts of posts, but I just saw someone in an anon saying how unstable their reality and they were after lurking in the community and it just.... its just so hard to see. Nobody deserves that sort of mental torture. Sometimes I forget that p-shifting actually can be dangerous to some if nobody teaches how important it is to regulate yourself, check in on yourself, and remember that p-shifting isn't for the faint of heart.
It's only for those who have spent so much time over years of their journey, exploring themselves, askong questions, taking breaks, questioning themselves so many times, and checking in, to finally be able to claim that they are able to p-shift. (There is so much more to it than that obviously.) My fourth year of shifting is coming up, and after so long I might be ready to leave the online community permanently and start my journey. (of physically shifting i mean. I spend more time teaching others rather than doing the practice itself right now lol. When i say p-shifting im trying to refer to the whole process, but really talking about the mental shifting and phantom shifting etc. Sorry if its been unclear, many know the whole community as "p-shifters" when in reality "p-shifters" are only those who havw actually preformed a p-shift. I havent yet in my conscious memory so i just call myself a shifter or nonhuman.)
Please be safe. Please, if you are curious about the p-shifting community, remember that it is a mixed bag and not for everyone. As always any community can be a mixed bag, but p-shifting "learning" communities can spiral and be too lax on the warnings and importance of these warnings.
Thats all. (make sure to read all tags fully too.)
#please be safe#if you are interested in p-shifting feel free to approach me but I'm not going to be as open as i used to be#this whole post isn't to claim that the p-shifting community is incredibly dangerous#i can be full of the most amazing kind people#the only issue is people forget how dangerous it can be to not remember the warnings that follow the community#many young people toss them aside because they think it's gatekeepers or a “cool kids only club”#(like i did)#but it's for safety and making sure you take it slow enough so that you can back out without being permanently damaged#p-shift#I will always tell anyone interested that you have to spend time researching thinking evaluating the list goes on#And it's nobody's fault#when you've been a p-shifter for a long time (like me) you forget the warnings that you followed in the beginning that protected you#from spiraling mental issues depression etc.#p-shifting can be done and practiced safely#hey i did it and I'm doing fine. I've lived with it for so long and don't hold onto it like a lifeline anymore#it's more of an aspect of my identity#im just trying to help others understand that it can be fun and safe but it's not something to joke with or play with#it is something that is serious and if the warnings are ignored usually very risky.#bro it's like rock climbing almost#“WEAR THE HARNESS. If you fall you won't plummet to your death!! Remember rules ABC and you will be okay!!”#it's sort of the same thing in that matter.#we do unsafe things all of the time but since we know the dangers and the warnings we will go about to be much safer in practicing it#Im just trying to say p-shifting from the “learning” side of it - these warnings should be heeded and taught.#Or else you get whats been happening lately with people wandering into places that are too lax with teaching the dangers#and people are traumatized and damaged from it#Many new people who I've seen wander onto my Amino don't even really know that there is even a process before p-shifting itself#it's scary and I'm afraid even more people will have to deal with the rough bumpy road of understanding that they aren't p-shifters#yeah so uh#this might not get any likes or anything but I still wanted to put this out there.#Please don't crop this and use this for out of context hate against p-shifting and p-shifters
15 notes · View notes
wishful-seeker · 2 months
Text
I think people should give kids more credit for knowing what they need.
When i was missing so much high-school i had to do summer school because i was not only physically ill but also very mentally unwell, sooooo many adults kept telling me to go to school, even though doing so made me have severe, debilitating panic attacks, and i was dealing with a lot of physical pain aswell. So many people said "you'll never amount to anything, man up and go to school." And i kept telling them "im sick and i know what my body needs." But nobody likes it when a 14-15 year old says that. God forbid a CHILD knows exactly what her body and mind needs, shes just a stupid kid how could she possibly know?
I promise your child actually knows what they're doing and what they need. Please listen to them. If you kid says they need to stay home from school there is a reason. Maybe its mental health, or physical health, but kids aren't stupid. I would like to see less of this ablism where a child that doesn't go to school is considered a bad child.
Do you know how many teachers hated me specifically for not being able to go to school? It didn't matter that i had a note saying every absence is excused by a doctor, they still assumed i was fooling my parents into letting their bratty child do whatever they wanted. They would ridicule me TO MY FACE and say I'd never pass. I did pass btw. I finished most of my school work on one single day of summer class because i missed a lot of that too. But i learned nothing, because i was BUSY BEING FUCKING SICK i had BETTER things to worry about. Idc what the excuse is, absence should never mean you fail a class or don't pass a grade. It is so ablist to assume that every student can follow THE VERY UNREASONABLE SCHEDULE of waking up at 4 to 5 am and being at school for 8 hours (WHEN YOU ONLY DO ACTUAL WORK FOR 4!!) and kids only getting 6 hours of sleep (WHEN A LOT NEED 9 TO 12!!!) for 5 fucking days (EVEN 4 WOULD BE BETTER!!) Its absolutely ridiculous and the only kids can do it are either able bodied, able minded, and even then they are more stressed than a child should ever be. And if they cant follow this schedule they are a Bad Person. I had teachers that literally treated me like a dog. I'd ask them for make up work and they would give me the most shitty and rude attitude i have ever seen. NO ONE has treated me worse about my health than teachers. It was because i was a kid. When i had to drop out of college for my disability, the teachers were incredibly respectful and wished me a speedy recovery and hoped id be back in their class next year.
Being sick as a child is one of the most isolating and angering experiences you will go through. Adults take every shitty thing they feel and throw it at you because you are a vulnerable child. They would never speak the way they speak to you to adults because then they'd get their ass beat or fucking killed. But because you are 15 years old, they will use you as a punching bag.
If your kid is sick, FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM!! i hate to burst your bubble but when i say "people know whats best for them more than anyone else" I MEAN KIDS TOO.
6 notes · View notes