#i mean christ

[eloquentmydear]

Aziraphale's horny "very nice" after Crowley does the apology dance, Dom top Aziraphale truthers won ❤️

[sugoi-writes]

Cold. That's all you felt the second Alastor slipped from your core and pulled away from your back. Cold, and empty. A shiver ran up your spine as you sat there on your knees in the center of Alastor's bed, sheets soaked in spit and sweat and semen, your mind trying to catch up with reality. Where did he go?

You didn't have to wonder for long, as Alastor soon returned to your view - hair disheveled, antlers that had tripled in size, and a fine layer of sweat covering his well-toned chest and abs (his chic sense of fashion and debonair attitude was so so SO misleading). You watched him as he moved around you, knocking a couple of pillows that were clinging to the edge of his bed to the floor. It took your conscious mind a couple more seconds to comprehend what he was doing, but once it did, you had to bite your lip as your brain began to conjure such delectably salacious images of what he wanted you to do.

Alastor wanted you to ride him.

"Well, love," he started as he laid before you on his back; one hand tucked behind that magnificently opulent head of red and black hair; the other lazily stroking his still engorged cock - a bead of pre rolling down the length of it and mixing with your combined essences in the space between his shaft and balls.

From the corner of your eye, you barely noticed the stirring of shadows as Alastor stared you down, his signature cocky smirk present and a single brow raised. A soft whine escaped his throat when he tightened his grip and began to pump himself with a little more vigor, drool trickling from the corners of his mouth at the thought of being inside you once more. "It's not going to ride itself."

Fuck, this demon was insatiable!

( I promise, no more teasing after this one~ 😘 Love youuuu~! - ☄️❤️ Smut Santa )

MERRY FUCKING SMUTMAS, ANIMALS!!! SMUT SANTA HAS CUM COME!

First of all, how are you today, ☄️❤️Anon? Because I don't know HOW you crank these out so fast? Are you sleeping? Are you eating? 👀

S-SECOND OF ALL... ugh 😫💦 The cockiness! The demand! This man knows I would slurp him down, top to bottom, leaving no cum crumbs! I wanna R I D E that fucking sleigh, OKAY?!

I look forward to your other iterations, and the presents you continue to bless others with. 🙏 Good tidings for Smutmess, and a Happy Nude Year~

I fucking LOVE YOU, you brilliant, brilliant writer, you!!!

I definitely, for sure, just invented a Triple Hell for all of my Christmas puns. Lucifer is too scared to deal my dumb ass

@hazelfoureyes @minkdelovely I am NOT going to recover from this!!!!

[emptyjunior]

!!neverafter s1, e7 spoiler!! and also good god God i’m owned damages

!!Also image/scary image/Gore warning below!!

I’ve had a cold so I took some medicine and went to bed early but ended up unable to sleep so I thought I’d watch some Neverafter, so it was just me in bed, home alone with all the lights off watching the new ep.

 And I forgot my mother was stopping by late after she was out for a dinner and she obviously wanted to check on me cause my fever has been pretty bad, so literally the exact scene in Neverafter where they summon Stepmother with the candle and the haunted, unnatural silhouette of the Stepmother is at the door, I look up (once again, All the lights off, im in a High fever, my cold medicine is KICKING in) to see the Literal silhouette of my own Mother standing in the doorway

I did not scream but I do think I died instantly from reactionary panic and my haggard ghost is writing this so I can know peace

[outercrasis]

I need a large handful of you to go watch/play tlou2, they didn't pull Ellie's operation out of a hat

[backintimeforstuff]

nearly at the the end of my txf s3 rewatch and Quagmire has just killed me on the spot so i will now spend the rest of the evening overanalysing moby dick and sobbing over the conversation on the rock this has been a psa

[alvin-draper]

I cannot wait for y'all to see this movie it was INSANE. I loved every single reference and they were all On Point. Gwen was just incredible, Miles was holy shit, all the other characters were just. Oh my god. The voice acting was amazing, the art?????? Even better than the original for consistency, I loved Gwen's stuff so unbelievably much. Must see movie this is my whole personality now. DONT FORGET ITS ONLY PART 1. They don't resolve all the shit my whole cinema forgot and yelling and booing and swearing commenced when the credits rolled. Ie it was so good everyone wanted more immediately, how could they leave it there,,,, assholes. Beautiful assholes. Goddamn.

[doctorhomo]

“old man writes about gen z on their damn phones” ?????? no?????? old man writes about the dangers of staying in your own bubble and prejudice and privilege to the point where you’d rather die than let a black man save you????? old man writes about useless influencer-types who are so dependent on their bubble that they dont know when they need a piss???????? old man writes about white people desperately trying to make their own aryan society and staying in their racist BUBBLE ????????

[pacificwaternymph]

Did you guys know that Duke's tag on Ao3 only has 7,000 fics? Because I didn't.

[mrghostrat]

dust and light

i swear to somebody, the actual good omens parallels were a complete accident when i wrote this scene in BNF, where crowley is a writer in the agnes nutter fandom and aziraphale is his big bang partner. i've been on fire ever since i realised.

"The way you talked about the lighting in that last scene was just so striking— I really want to capture it somehow; find a way to paint the different layers of sunbeams and dust motes, just as you’ve written them.” Aziraphale’s grin caught himself quite off guard. “What are you planning?” Crowley shifted with an exaggerated, bashful shrug, but his grin remained steady on his face. “Not sure, just some kind of metaphor about the light and the warmth, probably. Maybe note some stark differences between the bookshop and a dusty room with no light, or a bright place with no dust. Each feeling equally inadequate compared to the shop, and that being… Er, I dunno, a reflection of their lives without one another in it, or something.”

[allgremlinart]

high school theater is so funny cus like. one year you can have the most cunt wrenching performance of Phantom Of The Opera ever brought to life by 17 year olds and the next year. a really mediocre rendition of Seussical The Musical.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

weird hearing "were you a Theatre Kid" "were you a Sports Kid" "were you a Choir Kid" "were you a Dance Kid" bc no? i mean i did all of that and more but resented ever minute of it? actively avoided sticking with anything? i was a "In This Family After School Activities Are Mandatory Kid"

[puppyeared]

littlest furth shop

@laikascomet

[saintaviator]

something something gman tommy something something gordon in stasis. you know how it is.

[diamondnokouzai]

if magneto knew what the internet was then he would post to r/aita as often as possible and all his posts would be the top posts of the year. thats the kind of drama hes going through. he also gets permabanned from r/mutants for advocating violence

[sorrythisusernameisprobablytaken]

[spidehpig]

my fever induced thoughts about bird is horny & ovulating x mean bastard ghost

mostly just rambling, didn’t check for coherency or grammar. i’ve been plagued by these thoughts and just had to get them out sorry.

ghost x reader

mean bastard ghost with a bird who’s been so needy and clingy all day long. he’s not really sure what’s got her panting and gagging for his cock like a whore, must be a cycle thing. either way he doesn’t mind, in fact he finds it amusing. he’s so used to just indulging himself, parting her thighs with his meaty hands and swiping his tongue along her folds as her little squeals and protests fall on deaf ears.

it’s not everyday that he’s the one to wake up to her trying to take what she needs from him. her pretty moans shaking away the last tendrils of sleep from him as the wet cotton of her panties rut against his thigh and her other hand gropes at his cock straining against his boxers. he has half a mind to push the greedy brat onto her belly and just mount her right there. but this unashamed desperation radiating from his bird is a rarity he’ll indulge in.

he feels a little sick satisfaction when her sweet moans break off into a frustrated little cries as his fist clamps around her waist, halting the desperate little grind of her hips. ignores her begging and pleading as he slips from the sheets. leaves her aching and wanting as she trails into the shower after him with a cute little pout.

keeps his face stoic as he pinches and flicks at her swollen nipples, his other hand pawing at her ass. working her up into a frenzy again, makes sure she can feel his heavy cock throb against her thigh as he cups her dripping cunt. thick fingers bullying their way between her lips under the guise of washing her clean. likes the way she shivers and bucks against him when his knuckle brushes across her clit. he quickly twists the rusty shower handle when she reaches for his cock again and huffs out a raspy laugh when she squawks at him as the shower water turns to ice. doesn’t look back as he steps out and tosses a towel at her.

maybe he shouldn’t punish his little bird’s confidence and needy demands. it’s not every day he wakes up to her wet and willing, so eager to milk his cock. but he has the time and patience today. maybe it’s boredom from such a long leave or maybe he’s just a bastard he thinks as he pulls her onto his lap later as he watches the game. fingers sneaking under the fabric of her tank top to pinch and twist at her nipples until she’s squirming in his lap searching for the friction of his hard cock. waits until she’s panting and whining again before pushing her off his lap a grunting at her to go fix dinner. gives his cock a couple of lazy tugs as she shoots him a dirty look and stumbles into the kitchen on unsteady legs.

later ducks his head under the kitchen doorframe to corner her against the counter to paw and grope at her pretty hips, feels the soft skin of her inner thighs are still slick. pulls back the second she sighs and arches back against him. he ignores the way she glares at him across the table as he shovels the dinner she made him into his mouth. and just to be a prick, finishes his game after dinner while she angrily slams the dirty dishes around in the kitchen.

waits until she’s finished until he prowls off into the bedroom and lights a cigarette as he settles against the pillows. sprawled out across the center of the bed, he finally shoves the waistband of his sweats under his balls to let his heavy cock spring free. precum already leaking onto his thigh as he barks at his bird to come take care of this.

can’t help but smirk as she hesitates in the doorway. unsure if this is just another one of his cruel tricks after he had spent all day teasing her. fists his cock and tells her to come take what she needs. almost barks out a laugh as her eyes widen and she quickly wiggles out of her panties and scrambles up onto the bed. licks his lips when he gets a glimpse of her already glistening cunt as she crawls up over his hulking body. has half a mind to stub his smoke out and sit her over his hungry mouth. instead he takes another drag as her thighs stretch wide on either side of his thick waist to hump her slick cunt along the underside of his cock.

he makes no move to touch her as she ruts and humps against his cock, the bed already creaking with her frantic movements. only pausing to grit his teeth as the tip of his cock catches on her warm hole as she rocks backwards again. lights up another smoke as she leans back onto her haunches to bury two fingers into her cunt when it becomes apparent he won’t be doing anything to help satiate her needs. pupils blown as he watches her sloppy cunt swallow her little fingers. not at all enough to prep her for his cock.

she doesn’t seem to care as she lurches forward and her nails dig into the fat of his chest as she rises up onto her knees, reaching back as she pathetically tries to line his leaking cock up with her cunt. her little grunts of frustration are music to his ears as she struggles to catch the tip on her hole again. movements faltering and sputtering a little when he blows smoke in her face. sweat glistening along her brow when she glares at him and finally manages to sink down a few inches.

his eyes roll back with how tight she is, half expects her to stop and beg him to finger her open. instead she grunts in pain and tries to bounce and wiggle her way down onto his prick. barely any leverage with the way she’s already risen so far up onto her knees just to straddle his thick waist, the cushioned mattress does nothing to ease her struggle. and fuck, watching her buck and bounce just to bully his fat cock into her greedy cunt is tearing at the remains of his control.

it’s not until her walls finally relax and she sinks down onto his cock with a yowl that he finally acknowledges her. cooing and taunting her for being such a needy slag, drooling over his cock all day long. watches the way a sob wracks through her body as her hands grip at the fat of his stomach trying to get some leverage to push herself up on his cock. barely manages to rise up a few inches before she’s letting out a frustrated sob and instead just grinds back and forth on his lap with his cock buried in her cunt, so pathetic.

she yelps when he slaps her tit and growls at her to ride him proper. sniveling after his cock all day long and she can’t even take it right? he decides he’ll let her whine and mewl and beg him to just take her as she grinds on top him. she can’t even take what she needs. maybe when she finally collapses from exhaustion will he flip her over and breed her pretty cunt. seems like he’s the only one that can give her what she needs after all.