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#i will accept it if told i'm just gonna have to get used to it and deal with being bad for a while tho
kosher-salt · 2 days
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Just saw a post that was basically "Hey off of the internet people usually aren't so crazy antisemitic and most of my day to day interactions as a visible Jew are normal, everything is gonna be ok" and I'm making a new post to not derail, but...
I'm super glad, obviously, that this is the case for many of you. But I do think we should be ringing the alarm bells. Because while you enjoy your grocery trips and post office in relative peace (as you ought to), here is a VERY incomplete list of things I have dealt with in the last 11 months.
-assaulted on my way to class, followed, spit on repeatedly (magen David necklace)
-professor took me outside of class and told me I needed to denounce my Judaism (I mentioned in passing my dad's family in an anthropology class)
-same professor refused to accept my final paper for reasons that did not match up with paper, email full of dogwhistles
-same professor told everyone to attend the protests and "teach those zionists to know their place" she is a Black Latina young professor. Yep.
-another professor straight up refused to accept any assignments that mentioned Jewishness (they were assignments about our families). Gave a student who submitted nothing except a picture of a Palestinian flag full marks. Failed me. I am an all As student, btw. Forced to drop.
-the chair of the anthropology department threw my complaints wabout said professors away without due process. His social media is full of blood libel.
-had to miss my finals as I could not physically get to them due to the protests
-followed and harassed in stores
-synagogue was vandalized multiple times
-called a kike while things were thrown at me
-protestors stood outside of my apartment patio with final solution signs
-new apartment, away from campus: friends of roommates harassed me constantly, to the point I could not use common spaces. Roommates told me that's his right because it's his "political view." He didn't even live there.
-new roommate moved in, less than 48 hours before she attempts to stab me, after learning I eat kosher style. "...kosher? kosher?! FUCK YOU" stab stab, etc. Bitch that was my good knife.
-the other roommates tell me to gtfo of the home I'm renting, keeping my rent ("you people can afford to lose money") and destroy a good portion of my belongings while cursing to me random nonsense about Israel. The police took 25 minutes to get there. We live in the middle of the city.
-fun fact: I had never mentioned my political stance to these people and it's not on my face-out social media (very bare bones profiles)
-been disbelieved by everyone I told this to including the police, my school, the leasing company, and my now ex best friend of 7 years
-cursed at in a store when I asked if there was a kosher section
-told nobody likes Jews because we bring down the vibe and have a victim complex. My knuckles are healing just fine after that, btw, thank you for asking! She is not.
I don't know how to request the 7th off from my school without basically incriminating myself with a threat of violence. There is no world where I just sit there when a classmate says "happy October 7th."
Hope this helps.
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ahgasegotarmy116 · 1 day
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Just Take It | Jeon Jungkook | Part 7
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Summary: Your friend "date" with Jungkook is interesting but thankfully the events from this morning don't prevent you from having a good time. Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 3.8K (I'm sorry it's short but I wanted to get it out since it's been way too long) Warnings: No real warnings other than slightly jealous and possessive Jungkook (but we all know that's a good warning 🤭) a/n: It's been fucking four months I'm so sorry 😭 It's been so hard for me to update my series recently since my attention span literally sucks right now so one shots have been a lot easier to get out but hopefully some of you guys are still around to read this story 🥲 p.s. the last third of this isn't edited at all so please ignore any nonsense 😅
After Jungkook and I finally agree on an outfit for me to wear we head off to whatever mysterious location he's taking us to. 
"You gonna pout all the way there?" he teases, pointing out my crossed arms and legs and the fact that I haven't spoken to him since we left. "I told you I hate surprises" I grumble, the feeling of the unknown making me uncomfortable. 
"You've gotta live a little Darling" he teases and goes back to driving. He hands me his phone that's plugged into the aux as a sign for me to put on a playlist and that brings up my mood right away. He chuckles when he sees me put on my favorite song since he knows that music always lifts my spirits.
"You're never gonna get tired of this song are you?" he sighs, this being the twelfth time he's asked. "Nope" I answer, popping the 'p' at the end. "This song came out when you were two years old" he chuckles, trying to clue me in but I don't pay any mind to it. "All the more reason to like it!" I argue back and he shakes his head.
"Perfect Man by Shinhwa is a masterpiece and I will accept no arguments" I say, making my statement on the matter final. 
There's a quiet air that's hung between us for a couple moments before when both bust out laughing. "I swear we never fail to have the same conversation every time I play this song" I point out and he smiles.
"That's because I love watching you defend something with your whole being. It's cute" he says and my throat gets dry. 
This being the first semi flirty comment he's thrown at me since everything happened. Well, besides commenting on how I look because who wants to be told nothing after putting on a cute outfit, even when he's the one who's chosen it. 
His comments have been nothing but respectful so there's no harm in letting him do as he pleases but it's just making this whole friends ordeal a lot harder.
~~~~~~
As we pull up to the place he had kept a secret from me I realize why he had me wear this specific outfit since from the looks of it we've come to some sort of ropes course. 
"I've never been to one of these" I say, marveling at the zip lines, ropes, ladders and pulley systems that are strewn about this forested area.
"Do you wanna give it a try? We can always just go to the restaurant they have here but I thought I would still offer it since I told you I had something fun planned for us" he offers, leaving the choice up to me but I nod my head immediately, really wanting to try it out. 
"Yeah?" he chuckles when he sees my excitement grow. "Yes! Come on let's go!" I say, grabbing his hand and trying to drag him along.
"Wait a second Bunny" he chuckles, holding me back and I watch him as he opens the trunk and grabs a big hoodie for me to wear. "So we don't mess up that pretty little top you're wearing" he says and the playfulness around the statement making my heart skip a beat. 
"I could've brought my own" I say but he shakes his head in protest. "It's easier this way so you don't have to worry about it getting dirty, now arms up" he says and I furrow my brow. "Jungkook I can put it on myself" I laugh but he doesn't find it amusing. "I know, arms up" he orders and I do as he says, laughing at the no doubt comical sight of him struggling with it. 
"You know now that I think about it it's a lot easier to take your clothes off than it is to put them on" he casually says, making me wack him in the arm once the hoodie is on properly. "Friends Jungkook. Or I can go back to calling you Mr. Jeon" I say with an arched brow and he chuckles. "Friends" he agrees and closes the trunk.
"So can we go now?" I ask, glancing over at the course before looking back to him for approval. "Yes Bunny go ahead" he says, giving me the go ahead and following after me as I make a bee line for the equipment room. 
"Hi!" I say excitedly to the guy at the counter when it's my turn to check us in. "Hey, first time?" he chuckles, me looking around at everything with a childlike wonder in my eyes. "Yeah! I honestly didn't even know a place like this existed around here" I admit, Jungkook again taking me to a place I had never been before. 
I guess he really is determined to take all of my firsts. 
"Well I hope you'll come around more often then, there's a whole lot more to experience than just these ropes" he says and in my awestruck state I don't notice the suggestive tone behind his wording. 
"You find something you like?" he asks, my sight going past him and looking at all the harnesses. "I have a friend that's coming in a second so do you think you could get us two?" I ask while pointing at them. 
"Sure, is your friend as pretty as you are?" he asks and before I can even think of a response someone is interrupting our conversation. "I would think so" I hear a deep voice say behind me, his hand placed on my hip in a slight possessive manner making my breath hitch. 
The boy's eyes widen a bit, looking at the dynamic between the two of us and doesn't exactly know what to make of it and decides to go find harnesses for the both of us. 
"What was that?" I ask, whipping around and glaring up at him. "What? We agree to be friends for a little while and suddenly you're ready to jump ship?" Jungkook says, crossing his arms and watching as the boy not so casually glances over at us. 
"He was just being friendly" I scoff, knowing for a fact that he wasn't but playing into this oblivious act I had accidentally fallen into. "Right...friendly" he says in a monotone, not wanting to get into a senseless argument and taking the high road. I don't miss the way his hand balls into a fist for a second before relaxing it once I've decided to drag him over to look at the little souvenirs they have in the shop. 
"Alright here's a harness for you, and one for you sir." the employee says, a flirtatious tone in his voice when he addresses me and a more strict and professional voice when he addresses Jungkook. 
"Did you want some help putting that on?" the boy asks, clearly just taking it as a chance to get closer to me since Jungkook's slight display of possessiveness of me wasn't a big enough clue that we may...or may not be together. "Oh no that's okay, I'm sure you've got other things to do" I deny, stepping into it on my own and in true y/n fashion I end up tripping over one of the straps. 
"Careful Darling" Jungkook says, steadying me on my feet and when I look back over at the boy he's awkwardly frozen with his arms out, having intended to help me but decided against it since he was smart enough to realize that it might not be the smartest idea. 
I look between the boy and Jungkook and see how Jungkook hasn't stopped glaring at him no matter how uncomfortable the boy is. "Looks like you've got other customers to help" Jungkook says, nodding towards the people at the counter, clearly looking to check in just as we did. 
"Right, well let me know if you need anything" he responds, his focus completely on me as he relays his message. "I will" Jungkook jumps in and the boy nervously glances between the two of us before heading over to the counter and helping the group of four that just came in. 
"Was that really necessary?" I ask, my arms crossed over my chest as Jungkook tightens the harness on me, making sure I won't need any 'help' with it later. "He was trying way too hard and he clearly couldn't get a clue about us" he says, his glare still prevalent in his direction. 
"Jungkook there isn't an 'us' right now okay" I say and he sighs. "Keep on telling yourself that" he mumbles quite enough that I couldn't make it out when another crowd comes in. "What was that?" I ask but he quickly brushes it off and herds me out of the store before it gets even more crowded. 
As we wait for the group to now gather in the waiting area outside neither of us have spoken a word to each other, stealing glances every so often since we just can't help it. We're attracted to each other and from my point of view I don't think that's gonna change anytime soon. 
"Alright everyone can I get you all gathered over here?" that same guy from inside the shop calls out and we all do as he says with Jungkook cursing under his breath. "Fucking fantastic, he's our leader" he grumbles but I grab him by the arm and drag him so we can catch up with the group. 
"Come on I thought you said this was supposed to be fun" I say and he sighs, collecting himself and slowly changing his attitude. "Alright I'm sorry Darling" he says, not dragging his feet or sulking anymore and putting that nonsensical jealously out of his head...at least for right now. 
"Alright welcome welcome everyone to BranchBound Adventures! How's everyone doing today?" he asks and we all let out cheers of excitement but what I don't notice is the way that Jungkook looks at me with a soft smile when he realizes again how much I'm loving this already. He takes a mental note to bring me here again soon so he can watch that same childlike excitement bloom again. 
"Excellent, looks like we've got a fun group here today! Well my name is Jayson and this is Kimberly and we're gonna be your BranchBound Buddies, sound good?" he says and I can't ignore the way Jungkook snorts at the title they've been given but it's only loud enough for me to hear thankfully. 
"Behave!" I scold, not wanting to turn this into some sort of immaturity contest when he knows damn well he's a grown ass adult and he should not be acting like this. He holds his hands up in surrender when he sees my glare but can't help but smirk at the fact that Jayson as we've recently found out his name is watching our exchange. 
As the day goes by and we're close to the end of our little ropes course adventure Jayson decides it's now or never and decides to make another move. 
"You've done a great job today! Didn't know you would be so good with ropes" he says, not hiding the fact that he's probably imagining using these ropes on me in a completely different context. "Yeah I didn't know I would be either" I chuckle and look over and see Jungkook glaring daggers into Jayson's forehead while he hooks me up to the zip line.
"Did you want to go nice and slow or fast?" he asks, his eyes drinking me in but I don't pay him any mind as I just watch the way that Jungkook is reacting to our exchange. "Y/n?" Jayson asks, breaking me out of the trance I had been lost in, thinking about what Jungkook would do to me after this if we were together. 
"Sorry what?" I ask and I can tell that he's pretty much starting to get the memo at this point. "Nothing, just tuck your legs in close to you if you want to go faster" he explains and I nod my head and wait while Jungkook gets hooked up to the other line thats parallel to mine. 
"Wanna race?" I challenge him since I know he would never back down from one. "What do I get if I win?" he says with a smirk.
"Whatever you want..." I say nervously and I have a feeling I'm going to regret that. "...but I want ice cream if I win!" I say to wipe away the tension but he brings it right back with his claim if he wins.
"I want a kiss" he says and when he clearly sees the way that I'm gearing up to protest a simple cock of his brow silences that. "You said that I could have anything I want right?" he asks I sigh and nod, my energy to go back on my word dissipating. 
It's just one kiss right?
"Deal" I agree and he can't hold back the smile and vote of confidence it gives him. "Get ready to lose" he says and before I have a chance to argue back Kimberly is counting us off and in my semi scattered state Jungkook takes off before me giving him a ten second head-start. 
"No fair!" I call after him when I'm finally able to catch up and he let's out a hearty laugh. "You're the one who proposed this whole race Bunny" he says making me look away, 'his timing with that nickname is always impeccable', I think to myself as I hide my blush.
"Hurry up!" I hear him call out as he is suddenly a lot further down the line than I am. "Hey!" I laugh, deciding to put that thought away to not sour my mood and just focus on there here and now. 
Once I finally get to the end Jungkook has already gotten unhooked from the zip line and is standing victorious waiting to claim his prize. 
"You only won because you're taller than me" I grumble as if I'm actually upset that he won when in fact the thought of him putting in effort just to kiss me make my heart beat faster. "I thought smaller things were supposed to be more aerodynamic" he teases in response but I huff and stand in front of him, clearly waiting for him to claim his reward. 
"I didn't say when I was going to kiss you" he teases and walks away and back toward the shop where we had first come from since our time is up. "Hey!" I protest again, not liking the slight embarrassment he caused me. 
"Oh come on you'll be okay" he teases as he takes his harness off and then helps me out of mine after. "Whatever" I huff and something behind me catches his eye and before I'm able to turn around he's knocking me off my feet and giving me a rather over exaggerated kiss if you ask me to the point that people are whistling and hyping us up.
I hit on his chest when I'm finally running out of air and he carefully puts me back on my feet and when I catch the sight of Jayson staring at us with an unreadable expression on his face I know now why he did that. 
"You're insufferable" I huff and fix my rumbled clothes from his breathless kiss but he doesn't seem bothered in the slightest. "Interesting response after receiving a kiss that made you blush but I'll take it" he shrugs and we both head back into the gift shop for the last time so Jungkook can no doubt flaunt the fact that from Jayson's point of view we're together. 
Honestly I could care less and I won't deny that it was hot as fuck watching him get angry with the very minimal interactions Jayson and I had but I won't let him have that satisfaction. "Didn't realize you were so insecure" I taunt and make sure his eyes are on me before I look over to where Jayson is still clearly watching us and give him a flirty wave goodbye with Jungkook hurrying to usher me out. 
"I wouldn't be insecure if you were mine already so until then you'll have to be patient with me" he says through gritted teeth, a reaction I was hoping for from that little stunt I pulled. "I can manage" I say and walk off towards the only restaurant here where I'm sure he was planning on taking me and when he follows me and has a hand placed low on my waist to guide me there my suspicions are confirmed. 
"Reservation for Jeon" he says to the host at the front desk and while he looks for it Jungkook's demeanor is a little softer, that soft maturity coming back from having us in a controlled and relaxed environment. "Right this way Mr and Mrs. Jeon" the host says and I practically choke on air at that, the title mistakenly given to me sending my heart into overdrive. 
"Don't worry she's fine, come on Honey" Jungkook reassures the waiter as Jungkook encourages me along to follow him to our table. 
Once we're seated our waiter comes by immediately to bring us water since I had clearly caused enough of a spectacle to garner a hurried solution for my coughing fit. He gives us our menus as well soon after and leaves us be, allowing me some more space to compose myself. 
Jungkook can't hide the smile he's had since my reaction had started and has turn slightly smug at seeing the blush it had caused me. "Shut up" I grumble and take another gulp of water having traded his glass for mind since I had practically drank mine in one go after that. 
"I didn't say anything" he chuckles leaving me glaring at him. "But your face did" I say after having put my almost empty glass back down on the table. "Oh yeah? And what is it saying now?" he asks, leaning forward as if he was giving me a better look at it. 
"It's saying that you're enjoying the fact that I'm still squirming over the thought of being called Mrs. Jeon" I say and he sits back, proud of my intuition. "Impressive Bunny. Better get used to it though" he says cockily and I narrow my eye at him and scoff. 
"You're pretty confident for someone I technically haven't agreed to date" I say but his smirk widens before throwing out a playful 'Yet' and our waiter is back at our table before I have a chance to argue back. 
After the waiter has taken our order and a little while after is bringing out our food our conversations have gone back to what had been seen as normal for us. A slight flirty edge to his words which I not so subtly glare at in response always making him chuckle but it's getting harder and harder for me to want to do that.
Why should I scold him? It's not like I don't want him too...
As we finish up the day with the ice cream I technically did not earn we start to make our way back to his car where he opens the door for me and make it a point to put on my seatbelt so I can still enjoy the cone I'm almost finished with. 
"Thanks Dad" I tease after he's buckled me in like a child and I'm granted a sarcastic smile in return only making me smile harder. He closes the door and gets in on his side and soon we're on our way back to the house...
~~~~~
The ride back is quiet, comfortable but quiet with the only sound being the hum of my playlist coming through the speaker and the gusts of cool air coming through the vents but it's soon broken by the question he's been wanting to ask. 
"Did you have fun?" it's a simple question but I know thoughts of what had happened earlier today are coming back to him as we get closer and closer to the house. "I did, a lot actually. You're not too shabby at planning dates" I confirm and he glances over with a smirk. 
"I thought this wasn't a date?" he counters and I chuckle. "It wasn't until you kissed me" I say and he shakes his head. "A kiss equals a date, got it" he says quietly, tucking that information into his back pocket and I can't help but smile as I see a soft one still rests on his lips. 
~~~~
When we finally pull into the driveway and he turns off the engine I hold onto his arm for a second, asking him to stay in the car for a second so he does and sits back and keeps his eyes on me, waiting for what I have to say.
The thing is is that I don't know what to say, I don't even know why I asked him to stay in here but he just watches me fondly, not rushing anything and waiting patiently for me. 
"I don't think we can be friends" I say, looking down at my lap so I can't see the expression he has on his face. "What do you mean by that Bunny?" he asks, that nickname making my heart skip a beat like it does every time and I shake my head, still looking down at my lap. "I mean, I don't wanna be friends" I say hoping he'll understand and when he lifts my chin I expect him to ask me to explain what I mean but instead I'm met with his lips on mine.
They're not full of passion or lust or anything of the sort. Just pure longing and understanding, understanding of the want to go about things at my own pace, an understanding that he's okay with going slow and that's all I need. 
"We can go slow" he says after we've broken the kiss, audibly confirming what he had physically displayed and I bite back a smile and nod before placing a soft kiss on his lips. 
"Thank you" I whisper and he pulls away to get a better look at me. "Whatever for?" he asks in such a cute way I can't help but laugh. "For not forcing me or making me feel bad about my indecision" I say and he smiles and cups my face, brushing his thumb along my cheekbone, a sad smile on his face at the thought of what I might've gone through with Jared that would require that sense of relief from his actions. 
"I'm sorry about this morning" I say even softer this time and he nods, "I know" and those two words bring me comfort in ways that he couldn't understand even if I told him.
I was scared shitless that I had messed things up, that I had done something that could've damaged us beyond repair but his words and actions from today told me nothing of the sort. 
His maturity shows that he knows what he wants and I want to open up and show him that in return...but I just hope I won't regret it.
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b4kuch1n · 6 months
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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imwritesometimes · 4 months
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I'm meeting my brother's GF in a couple hours and I'm nervous lol help 🙃
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shiningstages · 2 years
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Me lookin' at my lil content: d'aaaaaaaw it's so cute~
I wanted to do stuff before work, but I like blanked out since I'm sleepy (went to bed around 1? 2?? then woke up at 7:11; not terrible but not like Great) then did my required stretchies / looked up stuff for things~ Tomorrow I have my last PT session and follow-up, and then I plan on cleaning my room / generally just chilling out since it has been Forever, but now...I will try and schedule in time for OC thoughts today and tomorrow (still have to decide if Atlas would be primal or astral...and maybe compare some story stuff to make sure it's not stepping on any Canon toes...but maybe we also don't care about that second bit ghffjghfgvcccgkhf).
#;big bubble blowing baby! ( ooc )#( i think...i'm gonna try and schedule my hair cut too. either saturday or next thursday#i love my long flowy hair but i've getting that feeling of just...can't take it anymore ghfjcghfcgkhgcjgv#BUT it's also supposed to get colder so i may wimp out because this hair Protects Me#i also have to talk with my workman's comp doc about specific restriction papers my store director gave me tomorrow (fear)#i don't really like feeling less useful at work; but i also have just accepted that i need to take care of myself#i'm hoping nothing Too Big happens with that because i still wanna bank a lot of money before going back to school#but also a tiny bit less hours a week (since i work around 37-39 rn) would be nice...maybe even an extra day off...more me time#in other news i've also had many vtuber thoughts GFDHGFHGFHJFGHF#the only important one is...accepting that i should just kind of Do It. instead of actively thinking of where i wanna be; if that makes#any sense#and wars gave me Big Incentive to clean my room in like a non-vtuber way; but also just like...the motivation!!! the hype!!!#i have a lot of steps in my mind to do my creative stuff; but my room Must be clean#not that all my stuff isn't on my dad's very nice desk but...i don't want any potential pc i buy to be there#it would be so much better environment-wise (aka not being in my kitchen where my dad always is and near the living room#where my bro always streams) plus it's a two-way street of i don't want to disturb them either#i thought about cleaning my mom's office but she literally told me no because she wants to clean it all herself#which her being like “i have to be the one to go through everything when cleaning” is just...i see where i get my attitude#BUT ANYWAYS#i need to get ready for work gfhgjfjgfhgkjgfcghfg being the closer so much is so tiring;;#hopefully tonight is good and i don't have to have Drama and anyone who freaks out )
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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 3 months
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.
#he doesn't wanna acknowledge it but I think he really is tryin to rationalize somethin that happened to him not just the rest of us#i mean ofc in the physical sense it's the same anyway n it was before either one of us existed but#i........didn't think there was smth that he actually emotionally connects to like that#cause he's only ever mentioned 'what happened to us' as an entity that doesn't include him#n i guess i didn't wanna think someone who's been through that would go on to do it to someone else#but i mean i guess it makes sense#why he's so hell bent on ignoring the moral side of it. whatever happened did cause he wasn't strong enough to stop it#n the only way to keep himself from becomin a victim again is to always be the perpetrator instead#survival of the fittest#if you couldn't stop it you deserved it cause whoever's the strongest makes the rules#is that easier to accept than somethin just being _wrong_ n happening anyway? maybe#how the fuck do we unpack it though#it rly shouldn't be me it should be someone he can't coerce into takin part in his fucked up defense mechanisms but#but. idk. don't know how to go about buildin a rapport w/ him#especially cause if it's someone he can't physically intimidate he'll probably feel too vulnerable n just go full defense mode instead#i think someone he doesn't see as a threat but he can't manipulate either is.....pretty mutually exclusive#i.....wonder if he can't feel safe cause as long as he can do it to me it also means someone else could do it to him#it don't rly work like that cause it's cause of emotional manipulation now but. also.#maybe he doesn't consider himself as immune to that as we thought he did#he does have a pretty messed up understanding of things like autonomy n consent even wrt himself#if it doesn't go outside the role he plays n someone initiates i don't think he feels like it's up to him. it's just expected.#we've tried to get him to understand no one's gonna hurt him here. the worst that'll happen is bein restrained if he goes after someone else#which probably fucks w/ him even more cause he has no choice but to go along w/ it or be made to cooperate but#it's only when he's an active threat. it's self defense.#i think i'm onto something here cause rn sayin it'll only happen if he tries to hurt someone feels.....the same as shit like#this is only happening cause you're makin me do it#you wouldn't get hurt if you just did what you're told#all the. all the shit he's always tellin me to dodge accountability n make me feel like it's my own fault#goddamn fucking hell our psych literally just started her summer break it's over a month til our next appointment#spdrvent
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lucy-shining-star · 11 months
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Eh I shouldn't be sad because of that
#send someone on facebook birthday wishes and i see they saw that and didn't write back#which i kinda get...aside from fact we did not really have contact in years and we are no friends on facebook even i forgot two previous#years to wish her happy birthday...when i did wish happy new year probably should not do that then#but damn i did remember about her birthday few days before it and recalled few days after it so that was very annoying cause#it was too late#eh i guess it's might be weird to send wishes at all especially if new year ones didn't get answer but well. i kind of feel need#...especially to at at least this time cause it was really annoying last two years recalling it few days later#...also maybe i'm bit sad about that lost contact. i mean i guess it wasn't much but tbh i don't have much contact with anyone#...i also used to call her and then last time i think i kinda wanted to talk too much and told too much about myself (...well more of#ficional shipping) and then she had to finish call and i still feel bad that i talked too much#...and i wanted to next time more of ask things but then in september my phone broke and i lost all numbers and felt to awkward to ask for#number on facebok i guess#...i think it might be reason for unfriending on facebook? i mean that i didn't call...was it that year or next year#anyway yeah i know it's stupid but i'm sad and need to get it out#uh. i was expecting that though i just needed to wish for peace of my mind even if i did expect no answer#so i have to just accept that#...and stop thinking she might answer later she did already read not gonna happen
0 notes
lymtw · 3 months
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Toji can never shut up about you when his friends get him drunk. It's the one topic that never fails to be discussed when his friends manage to drag him away from your warm security for a night. Once the amount of alcohol he drank starts to hit and his overly chatty side is lured out, he spends the entire time talking about you, and the others just kind of listen to his ramblings and remain utterly shocked by how smitten he is. He talks so much about you, like he's trying to make up for the time he isn't spending with you.
It's always, "Shh... listen, shut the fuck up. Listen, listen, she smells so fucking good. Like she's fresh out the shower all the time" and "God... she purrs like a little kitten when I take her to bed" and "She's out of my league, but i'm not gonna fuck up the chance she gave me".
If it weren't for Shiu taking his phone, he would constantly be trying to reach you. Sometimes you're the one who calls when it gets late, just to see how things are going, and Shiu's always the one who picks up before he hands you over to Toji.
"Hey, Shiu! How is everything?"
"It's going pretty well, aside from Toji being a drunk mess." He scouts the area in search of your boyfriend and spots him next to another friend. Toji's all starry-eyed as he talks the poor man's ear off about you. "Wanna talk to him? He's been talking about you nonstop and it's starting to make the other guys jealous."
You giggle. "Sure. Let me talk to my idiot."
You can hear the commotion as well as the faint sound of Shiu alerting Toji of you being on the other end of the line.
"Heyyy, baby. You miss me? You need me?" You can hear the smile on his face. He's pacing back and forth as he waits for your voice to come back on the line.
The sound of Toji's voice makes your heart beat a little faster. It sounds like he made good use of his night out.
"You know I do, baby. Be safe, alright? Have Shiu send you home in a cab when you're ready to go and text me when you get home."
"I love you, ma. I fucking love you. I don't wanna be here anymore." He sighs, heavily. "Can I just go home, already? I've been trapped here for like five days now."
"I love you, Toji, and it hasn't been five days. More like five hours, but yeah, you can head home if you're done. Put Shiu back on the phone."
"No." He simply says, as he continues to pace around the crowded bar. "I miss you so much. I don't wanna see anyone else, anymore."
"Okay, baby. Tell Shiu you're ready to go. I'll see you tomorrow."
"I love you," he says once more before putting the phone down, leaving you to do the hanging up.
"Shiu, i'm leaving. I'm ready to go, man. She said okay and I... Well, I wanna go see her."
"You're not going over there like this," Shiu responds. "She's not gonna be able to handle you alone, right now. I'll call you a cab and you're going straight home."
He was so wrong about that last part. Toji got in the cab, and Shiu told the driver his address. He wouldn't ever find out about how Toji ended up redirecting the cab to your place.
"Psst, hey. I'll give you another ten bucks if you turn around and go to this address."
Without hesitation, the man accepted the money and dropped Toji off at your apartment. He slowly made his way to your front door, ringing the doorbell and knocking right after to make sure you hear him.
You put down the dish rag you were using to dry dishes and headed to the door. You looked through the peephole and as soon as you see Toji standing on your doorstep, you gasp. Your brows furrow in confusion as you continue to stare at him for couple more seconds, just to make sure it's actually him and not some random, sketchy man.
"Babyyy... Open. Your boyfriend is here." He knocks again, his fist like a mallet on your door.
"Toji, shh. Stop," you say, voice low. You quickly pull him into your apartment, dismissing his laugh as you shut and lock the door when you both make it in.
"Oh, baby." He smiles as you approach him again. "Baby, baby." He pulls you into an overly tight embrace and sways you side to side, effortlessly. You smell a mixture of alcohol and cologne on his shirt. "My pretty girl. Fuck, I missed you and your body." He buries his face into the crook of your neck and allows his hands to settle on your lower back. You hear him take a whiff of your scent before carrying on with his rambling. "I didn't even wanna be there..." he mumbles. "...but they stole me away and I-" He hums in confusion when he realizes you aren't reciprocating the hug and pulls your arms around him before putting his hands on your lower back again. "I'm just gonna say no next time. Those drinks were disgusting."
Normally, you reciprocating his affection wouldn't be an issue, but you're still stuck on how he's there, standing a couple feet from your kitchen and not at his place. You can hear his quiet, labored breaths beside your ear. His looming frame and the tightness of his arms around you bring a lot more reality to the situation.
"Let's get you ready for bed, okay?" You say to the giant who threatens to tip you over. You gently tug at his arms for him to release you and create some distance.
You take his hand and guide him to the bathroom first, where both of you do your nightly routines of brushing your teeth and washing your faces. He made a mess with the water when it came to washing the cleanser off his face, but you paid no mind to it as you grabbed a towel and dried it up.
You walked out of the bathroom and Toji was hot on your trail, toothbrush still in his mouth as he followed you into the kitchen. "I'm just grabbing some water. It'll just take a quick second." You smile as he continues to sluggishly brush his teeth. He pauses to respond.
"Why do you wanna leave me so bad? You didn't tell me you were leaving the bathroom. You were just gonna go and leave me alone in there?" he says, slightly muffled by the toothpaste that fills his mouth.
You laugh when some of the foam falls to the floor.
"Okay, okay. Let's go back to the bathroom together, then."
"You can't leave me on the couch," he says, out of nowhere, more suds falling onto the floor. You push him a little so that by the time he reaches the bathroom, at least some toothpaste remains in his mouth.
He dips his head and spits out the foam into the sink, rinsing his mouth after. You have to go back and tidy things up, like the cloud he didn't make sure was washed away before stepping away from the sink, and the bubbly spume that spilled out of his mouth in the kitchen and the hallway.
He's following you again, like a lost puppy because you didn't comment on what he said about not wanting to stay on the couch. He's quiet because you're quiet. You're not saying anything because you're focused on wiping up the cleaning spray and toothpaste mixture on the floor with a paper towel, and he's leaning against the wall, silently watching, feeling like you're mad at him.
You stand up straight and make your way to the trashcan before washing your hands. "Let's go, Toji," you say. He's looking at you like a scolded dog, reaching his hand out for you to hold. In his mind, if you take it, you can't be too mad at him. His chest feels so much lighter when your soft palm meets his. The heaviness is replaced with a racing heart as you take him to the room with you. You're not leading him to the couch like he thought you were going to.
"You're letting me sleep next to you?" He asks, watching as you put up a couple more pillows for him to use.
"Since when do you sleep on the couch? You know I need you here with me whenever you sleep over." You turn around and pinch his cheek, stepping behind him to creak the door shut.
"Yeah? You like when I stay in your bed?" His voice goes low with the question. His hands go to your waist and he's walking you backwards towards your bed. "Well I like staying in your bed too, mama." He lays you down, your head cradled by his hand before he slides it out of the way for your pillow to take its place. He grins as he takes up all the space between your legs, his hands taking their position on your waist again. He takes your lips in his, the minty flavor of his mouth seeping into your taste buds. It's a short lived moment, because the second his hands try to tug your shorts down, you put a stop to everything, your own hands pulling your shorts back up.
"Mm..." you hum, releasing his lips with a quiet smack. "N-No, Toji. Not like this."
"No?" He repeats, a small crease of confusion between his brows as he pulls his hands away from your hips. "Okay," he complies, quickly diverting the situation by resting his whole body down on you. His chin rests on your chest and he just looks up at you with the most loving expression. You have to try not to laugh when you notice he isn't blinking.
You gently scratch the back of his head, threading your fingers through his hair. "What?" You ask, a soft smile following the question.
"I don't know," he says, sighing wistfully with that same adoring gaze still fixated on you. "I can't explain the way I see you." Not having the sufficiently accurate words to describe how you are depicted in his eyes is a strange, void-like feeling for someone who could talk about you for days on end.
You just hum at the declaration. His mind isn't exactly operating at one hundred percent, so you won't judge him for his inability to think of ways to describe you.
He lowers his gaze and buries his face in your warm chest. You can feel him kissing you through the thin material of your tank top. "Love you," he mumbles. "You mad at me?" He asks, not pausing his kisses as he waits for your answer.
"No, baby. There's nothing to be mad about." You smooth down his hair when you're done playing with it and rest your hands on his shoulders.
"Just wanted to see you." His warm breath filters through your shirt. "Shiu told me no, but I didn't care. I just had to see you, and now... i'm here." He inhales and lets out the breath slowly. "And I don't wanna go home." As if he's scared he'll be denied of you again, his arms go under your back, and he effectively molds his body into yours.
"You could've let me know over the phone rather than giving me a heart attack. You know you're always welcome here, my love." You rub soothing circles into his back with one hand, and the other goes to the back of his head again.
"Surprise," he says, lacking so much enthusiasm that it even makes him chuckle. He pushes his face further into your chest and lets out a sigh that reveals his tiredness. "Mm... you're gonna put me to sleep if you keep doing that."
You laugh, slowing your movements until your hands are just flat in their positions.
"No, ma," he groans, frustrated by the lack of your soothing touch on him. "Do it again, please. Feels good." He turns his head so that the side of his face rests on your chest.
It's impossible to deny him, especially when he asked so nicely. You like being able to help him relax this way. Never mind the lack of feeling in your legs from his weight and the minimal movement you've been allowed. You just can't seem to find it in yourself to whine about your position when the sound of him rhythmically breathing through his nose takes over the silence of the room. You tilt your head slightly to get a look at his face and as you suspected, he's out. His eyes are shut and he's motionless, save for the slight rise and fall of his shoulders and back as he breathes.
A kiss to the top of his head was your show of making peace with having him as your weighted blanket and human teddy bear for the night.
Shiu said you wouldn't be able to handle a drunk Toji all alone, yet there you have him, piled on and drooling on you like he's getting the best sleep.
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brainfullofbees · 1 year
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#i'm gonna be honest. i don't know if my mom remembers that i'm nonbinary#and i mean. i never told her that my pronouns are they/them instead of she/they now#but. idk. hearing her refer to me as she all the time when she should know i'm not just that kinda hurts#and she's very chill about things and accepting of me but i'm still so nervous to come out to her again#cause last time she was like#''please don't change your name'' because it's her favorite name and she always wanted to name her kid that#and at the time i had no desire really to change my name#but then my relationship with my name got incredibly complicated#and now i'm worried she'd be so upset#idk#why is this so scary and complicated#why can't this just not be an issue#i just. i don't want to deal with this anymore#i just want to be bee and i want people to use my pronouns and i want it all to be cool and fine and nobody gets upset with me#.......i don't even know what i'm gonna do when i move tbh#like. it's so weird to think that i'll be allowed to introduce myself to new people as bee? and that's what they'll know me as?#and i won't have to worry about those people possibly telling my parents before i'm ready?#and i don't even need to tell them my birth name?? like there are friends of friends who have only ever known me as bee#and that's so wild to think about!! i have always been bee to them and they don't need to know any different!!#but what about work? will i be allowed to be bee there? will i be allowed to be bee even if my legal name is something else?#this is so. unnecessarily complicated#want. to scream#sometimes i have to sit here and repeat ''i am bee. my name is bee.'' out loud to myself#because i rarely get to hear my name#and i hate it. please just let me be bee
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fastandcarlos · 2 months
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The Chosen One : ̗̀➛ Charles LeClerc
summary: as part of the f1 media team you get to meet a lot of the drivers, however there’s one driver who seems to take an extra special liking to you
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liked by lancestroll, carlossainz55 and 79,302 others
ynusername: another fun week at the paddock, look out for some AM content coming your way on race day 🏎️💚
13,382 comments
username1: we love new yn content!! 🫶🏻
lancestroll: thank you for being the perfect partner to have with us this weekend!
ynusername: @/lancestroll it was awesome to spend some time with you 💚
carlossainz55: excuse me come and film some ferrari content asap
username2: cannot wait, i've been dying to see you in the aston martin garage 🤩
username3: now this i just know is going to be hilarious
lewishamilton: you're such a traitor...last week you were all over mercedes 🙄
username4: i always thought that green was your colour yn hahah
danielricciardo: it's been too long, come back and film with me kiddo 😭
ynusername: @/danielricciardo gimme a time and a date and i'm there
username5: the queen is back 👑
charles_leclerc: still waiting for you to hurry up and come and visit ferrari
ynusername: @/charles_leclerc blame my bosses not me
username6: everyone spam f1 until they let yn and go and film with c2 pls
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liked by leclercgirl101, ferrarifan7 and 1,482 others
f1content: rumours continue to swirl as charles and yn are spotted enjoying their downtime together in the miami heat ☀️
796 comments
username7: if this is true i swear i'll throw a party and everyone is invited 🙏🏻
username8: surely i can't be the only one thinking they look so well suited together
username9: is this why yn's been avoiding the ferrari garage??? 🤔
username10: two people do not colour coordinate for no reason fyi
username11: peep how comfortable they look to be together 🥺
username12: i refuse to accept that these two gorgeous humans are not dating
username13: yn is the only person i will give charles up for ngl 😂
username14: it's about time yn found happiness...praying charles is the man
username15: yn isn't even working this weekend and she's there, charles must be hella important to do that 🥺
username16: if this isn't true prepare for the sound of my heart breaking
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liked by pierregasly, estebanocon and 89,301 others
ynusername: another week = another garage. thanks to alpine for a great couple of days 🥺
13,694 comments
username17: my favourite creator and my favourite team, thank you f1 gods 🙏🏻
landonorris: fuming!! remember when you told me mclaren was your favourite team
estebanocon: don't think i've laughed like that for a long time, you're the best!! 😂
ynusername: @/estebanocon all thanks to the talented driver who joined me
georgerussell63: i swear these days you're more popular online then the actual drivers
username18: another week of impatiently waiting for yn to film with ferrari 🙄
charles_leclerc: EXCUSE ME WHAT ABOUT ME!?!? 🤯
username19: poor charles is gonna have a breakdown if yn doesn't appear soon
pierregasly: can't believe you refused to take the alpine shirt that i gave you 🙂‍↔️
ynusername: @/pierregasly do you know how many drivers would never speak to me again if i accepted???
username20: i wish the drivers adored me as much as they adore yn ngl
lancestroll: heartbroken that you've already left aston martin for the opposition
username21: how can one person be wanted by so many teams??
carlossainz55: i'll give you a million dollars to come and save my teammate 😂
username22: not charles being publicly thirsty for yn omg
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liked by charles_leclerc, olliebearman and 89,492 others
ynusername: apparently this is the only garage im allowed in these days 🤷🏻‍♀️
21,706 comments
username23: according to who yn wtf??? please tell me this is charles' doing 🙏🏻
carlossainz55: i always thought that red was your colour anyway
oscarpiastri: btw papaya definitely looks better than that!! 🧡
lancestroll: no way, green is definitely more your style yn! 💚
maxverstappen1: excuse me no one can compete with yn in navy blue thank you 💙
username24: not all the boys fighting over yn like she belongs to any of them
username25: clearly no one has ever seen yn in baby pink *chefs kiss* 🩷
charles_leclerc: it's about time you finally listened to me...
ynusername: @/charles_leclerc i'm yet to be fully convinced...
username26: the mic in hand...does that mean...content?? 🎤
username27: yn in red and charles in red seem like the perfect pair ngl
danielricciardo: just ignore them all and come and interview me instead, we'll have the best time 🥺
ynusername: @/danielricciardo omw now 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️
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liked by carlossainz55, landonorris and 101,486 others
ynusername: the interview you’ve all been waiting for, see what I got up to with the men in red during race weeekend 🏎️❤️
27,492 comments
carlossainz55: the best time with you, we love you yn!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻
username28: about time i can't believe it
landonorris: as much as i hate to admit it, you three are a pretty funny trio 😂
ynusername: @/landonorris i'll take that as a compliment coming from you!
username29: now THIS is the content that we've all been waiting for
username30: my heart just stopped for a moment to make sure that this is true 🥺
danielricciardo: i still confidently argue that we'd have a better time
username31: not me watching this on repeat for the whole weekend
charles_leclerc: my belly still hurts from laughing so hard...i hope you're proud of yourself 😂😂
ynusername: @/charles_leclerc ngl feelin' pretty smug rn
username32: screw the race, this is the content we came to see
arthur_leclerc: don't tell charles but he's not stopped talking about how great you are since this interview 🤭
charles_leclerc: @/arthur_leclerc you know this is a public comments section, right??
username33: do you know how long i've been waiting to see a post like this??
username34: all my christmasses just came at once
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liked by pierregasly, ynusername and 2,593,706 others
charles_leclerc: KING OF MONACO 👑🏎️
103,584 comments
username35: we're so proud of you charles congratulations! ❤️❤️
ynusername: such an awesome drive, couldn't be happier for you 🏎️🏁
charles_leclerc: @/ynusername thank you for coming to cheer me on!!
username36: about time...bow down to the king 👑
maxverstappen1: congrats brother, i'll catch you next time
landonorris: i can see how hard you you're trying not to cry here hahah
username37: you deserve this more than anyone else in the world 💕💕
oscarpiastri: no one deserved to win more than you today, thrilled for you bro
username38: enjoy the celebrations, they're so well deserved king 💞💞
carlossainz55: the only time i'll ever say that i'm happy to lose to my teammate hahah
charles_leclerc: @/carlossainz55 just call me the smooth operator lol
username39: someone please stop the tears from falling now 😭
georgerussell63: damn that was a pretty good drive charle
username40: i've never been so on the edge of my seat in my life
lewishamilton: enjoy the monaco celebrations tonight!! 🍾
username41: i'm not even driving yet i feel like all my dreams have come true
pierregasly: we're all so proud of you, all the hard work was worth it my friend
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liked by charles4life, ferrarifanforever and 1,707 others
f1wags: is this the proof that we needed? during the summer break charles and yn have been seen lapping up the french sun on a local private yacht 🤔🏎️
username42: nobody speak to me i am officially deceased 😭
username43: surely no one can argue with this now
username44: thank you f1 gods for listening to my prayers 🙏🏻
username45: look at those smiles, they're perfect for each other
username46: obsessed obsessed obsessed 🤩🤩🤩🤩
username47: it doesn't feel right to be so happy for two people who don't know who i am
username48: i hope they know just how happy all us fans are for them
username49: my heart is so happy rn ❤️❤️❤️
username50: just hope that all the fans can get behind them and help them see how adorable they are
username51: it's my birthday today, and now my wish has come true!!
382 comments
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liked by ynusername, lewishamilton and 3,592,103 others
charles_leclerc: shout-out to my biggest fan, thank you for always cheering me on 🫶🏻💕
193,605 comments
username52: not charles coming at us with the hard launch like this ❤️❤️
landonorris: at least now i'm not the only one who has to listen to you gush about yn
username53: i was not prepared for such an adorable set of photos 🥺
pierregasly: oh you have a girlfriend?? you should've mentioned it hahah 🙄
username54: how did these two ever think we wouldn't find out about their relationship
georgerussell63: excuse me, double date is when? 🤔
carmenmmundt: i second what george just said 🫡
ynusername: @/carmenmmundt i'm all yours whenever you want me
ynusername: couldn't be prouder of you...you never fail to blow me away 🩷🩷
charles_leclerc: @/ynusername i try my best just for you my love
username55: did i mention how obsessed with these two i am yet?
username56: my heart is racing a thousand miles an hour seeing these
carlossainz55: can't believe you tried to pretend that you two weren't dating to the whole team, as if it's not horrifically obvious?? 🙄🙄
username57: i'm so happy to see charles with someone whose rooting for him like yn does
username58: btw if there was a competition for cutest couple these two would definitely win 💯
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liked by charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri and 104,684 others
ynusername: I could get used to all this romance stuff with you 🥺💞
21,597 comments
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˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗
1K notes · View notes
incorrectbatfam · 3 months
Note
The batkids (and their partners/crushes/friends) with pride month hcs?
Tim: Lady. Gentleman. Bart. You are about to meet my boyfriend. Now remember, he doesn't know I'm Robin, so you need to act like human people. Can you do that?
Kon, Cassie, and Bart: Yes sir!
Bernard, entering: Hey, it's nice to meet you guys. I'm so glad we're going to Pride together.
Cassie: *lasso immediately falls out of her bag*
Kon: *lasers the ground at Bernard's feet*
Bart: Hi, I'm Impulse.
Tim: *facepalm*
Bart: What? We didn't give away YOUR identity.
———————
Steph, running a food truck: Pride snacks! Get your Pride snacks hot 'n ready! Get two-for-one on the bi-rria tacos!
Margie: I bet you don't have anything for straight pride. You know, the rest of us normal people.
Steph: Yo Cass, one cishet sizzler!
Cass: *throws coffee in Margie's face*
Steph: That'll be $19.99.
Steph: *turns the screen around for tips*
———————
Selina: *wears a shirt saying Free Mom Hugs*
Bruce: *wears a shirt saying Inclusive Dad Jokes*
Alfred: *wears a shirt saying Weird Grandpa Stories*
Kate: *wears a shirt saying I'm Just Gonna Tell You To Dump Them*
———————
Harper: Since this is your first Pride, we're gonna show you the ropes.
Duke: Thanks, I appreciate it.
Harper: Over there we have the Batgirls food truck. Over there is Cullen's evil mafia boyfriend selling Uno cards. And over there is the Justice League in Justice League themed drag.
Cullen: And over there is the porta potty.
Duke: Only one?
Cullen: We ran over budget. But it's gender-neutral.
———————
Renee: Kate's busy telling people to dump their partners. Mind if I hang out here?
Harley: Not a problem! Want a bi-rria taco?
Renee: Nah, but I'll take the les-beans if you don't want them.
Ivy: We were just about to start a game of Gay Uno.
Renee: Gay Uno?
Harley: It's like regular Uno except when you put down a +4 you have to kiss.
Renee: Deal me in.
———————
Jason: You take the Main Street entrance. I'll cover Atlantic up to Washington. Rendezvous here in an hour.
Roy: And then we make out?
Jason, sighing: Sure.
Roy: Sloppy style?
Jason: This is a PG-13 post, Roy.
———————
Dick: Of course I make people question their sexuality with a face like this.
Wally: Sure, your face...
Wally: *glances down*
Donna: You guys are exhausting. I'm joining Roy on patrol.
———————
Barbara: Welcome to the annual conference of Sapphics Who Used To Date Dick Grayson. Helena, what's the first item on our agenda?
Helena: Discussing forming a polycule over dinner.
Bette: I already made a reservation.
Kory: I call braiding everyone's hair.
———————
Luke: Thanks for giving me a hand with the fireworks.
Carrie: Of course. By the way, I have something to tell you. You're the first person I've told.
Luke: I accept you.
Carrie: Thanks, but I was actually gonna say that I scratched your car in the parking lot.
Luke: WHAT?!
Carrie: Also I go by she/they.
———————
Lois: How on Earth did you burn your cape at a Pride festival?
Jon: Well...
[earlier]
Damian and Jon: *watching the fireworks*
Damian: I like that flower one.
Jon: *shoots into the sky to grab it*
Damian: *facepalm*
Tim, sitting nearby: You and me both.
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ckret2 · 1 month
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Chapter 65 of human Bill Cipher still being stuck in the Mystery Shack but currently fearing back pain more than execution: it's Day 1 of Bill being off death row, let's see what everyone other than Soos is doing with their day.
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When Fiddleford answered the door to Ford and Stan—Stan with the Quantum Destabilizer's case slung over his shoulder—the first thing Fiddleford said was, "That demon's still alive, isn't he?"
"Demon's still alive," Stan confirmed.
Ford let out a long sigh. "I was afraid we'd have to break the news."
"I figured when the power here flickered during your shot." He planted his hands on his hips. "You didn't use the NowUSeeitNowUDontium, did you?"
Ford shook his head.
"Well?" Fiddleford fixed Ford with an angry squint, lips pursed. (Maybe it wasn't an angry squint, Ford told himself hopefully. Maybe it was just because Fiddleford didn't have new glasses yet.) "Why didn'cha shoot him?"
"I couldn't. He escaped," Ford said. As panic began to bloom on Fiddleford's face, Ford quickly added, "But he's back! That's why I used the wrong fuel. Somehow he overheard that we'd made enough Dontium for one shot, and he—tried to persuade me to cover his escape. Firing a blank made him think I'd used the Dontium up and he was safe—"
"—So's he'd come back and you could get a proper shot at him! Ha!" Fiddleford jumped up, kicking his heels in the air, hollering, "Stanford Pines, you clever sonovagun!" His hooting and hollering died down as he realized, "So... why're you here with the destabilizer instead of shooting him?"
Ford and Stan exchanged a glance. Stan said, "Well—He—He's pretty harmless right now, really—And he's great with the kids—"
"Not with Dipper," Ford muttered.
"He's great with one of the kids."
Ford said, "And he's..." It would be a lie to say improving, wouldn't it? "He's... got the potential to improve. And we— We thought— If there's a chance he could do better..."
Sternly, Fiddleford said, "You let him get into your head again, didn't you."
Ford sighed. "I let him get into my head."
Stan held out the Quantum Destabilizer's case. "Which is why we're here. He's not in your head. You won't hesitate to pull the trigger."
"I getcha." Fiddleford accepted the case grimly. "You need me to finish the job."
Ford hastily added, "If—if it becomes necessary."
Fiddleford gave him a hard look.
Ford swallowed as he realized—as always, a moment too late—just what an enormous thing he was asking of Fiddleford and his fragile nerves. "But if you don't think— I mean, if you'd rather it stay in our hands—"
Fiddleford held the Quantum Destabilizer away from Ford. "No, no—you're right. It's safer here," he said. "You oughta shoot him. I'm never not gonna think you oughta shoot him. Especially now we know he knows how to escape. But, if you won't—better that this is in my hands than with the fellers what let that devil sucker 'em into thinking he deserves to live."
Ford wanted to say I'm sorry. If he was so sorry, why had he chosen to let Bill live? It seemed like his problems always became Fiddleford's problems—yet the only times Fiddleford's problems became Ford's was when Ford caused them. "Well—the good news is, even if he does escape, he can't get far. He's trapped inside Gravity Falls' weirdness barrier."
"Well, that's somethin'," Fiddleford muttered. Then he frowned and gave Ford a sharp look. "Wait," he said slowly. "Are you sure he can't get out?"
"I—" Ford tried to remember when they'd learned that. "Sure, we—found out that first night, didn't we?" It had been a very long night.
"Yeah!" Stan laughed. "Almost accidentally killed the guy by driving him into it."
Fiddleford nodded, his expression faraway and thoughtful. "I need to run some calculations," he said. "I'll let you know what I find."
He turned away, muttering to himself. Just before he shut the door, Ford saw Tate at the far end of the great hall, arms crossed, watching the proceedings sourly.
And then the door was shut without so much as a goodbye.
"Huh," Stan said. "Ominous!" He clapped Ford on the shoulder. "Welp, let's get home!"
####
Tate leaned into Fiddleford's lab. "Dad?"
Fiddleford was sitting at a space he'd cleared at a worktable, hunched forward and squinting to see his work as he ran through a towering stack of calculations, using a calculator to double-check his math and a second calculator to double-check the first one. As he often did, he'd put on an old record to help block out distractions; and an old country song was blasting at top volume as Fiddleford sang/yodeled along: "I haaate Bill Cipher more'n I looove my son! How I looong to shoot that sonuuuvaguuun. I'll seeee my boy when that triaaangle's done—cuz I haaate Bill Cipher more'n I looove my son—"
"Dad," Tate said louder.
"Tater!" Fiddleford sat up, automatically reached to adjust a pair of glasses he wasn't wearing, and just bumped the bridge of his nose. "What is it, son?"
"Couldja turn the volume down?"
"Turn th—?" Fiddleford looked at his record player, started when he realized what was playing, and quickly took the needle off the record. "Sorry, Tater, I—"
"It's fine," Tate said glumly.
"Didn't even realize which song'd come on. They're just words to sing along to. You know I don't really feel..."
"Just don't like Pluckin' Jim's yodeling style, that's all."
Fiddleford dropped his gaze. "All right, that's fine. I'll keep it down."
Tate stuck his hands in his pockets. "Might oughta be careful with that album, anyway. If any guests overhear it talking about the triangle and call the police..."
"Oh, I know, I know. You're right, I'll be careful. It's just..." He reached under his hat to scratch at his head like he was trying to massage his brain into working. "When it feels like the whole darn world's gone crazy, it's comforting hearin' somebody sing something sensible," he said. "I—I don't mean Jim's attitude toward his family. Just the rest of it."
"Mm." Tate nodded.
Fiddleford sighed and shook his head sadly. "I don't know—maybe I'm the one who's going crazy."
"Naw," Tate said immediately. "You're not. You're the sanest I've seen you since I was a kid, dad."
"Well—thank you, Tater. That means a lot."
"You're just stressed, that's all." Tate nodded toward Fiddleford's stack of calculations. "Don't overwork yourself, all right?"
"I won't, I promise."
"If you need help with all that math..."
"No, no, that's all right." Fiddleford waved off the offer. "It's got to do with Stanford's weirdness thingamajig." For the past few months, Fiddleford and Stanford had been working on a paper about the Law of Weirdness Magnetism—although that had seemingly ground to a stop at the start of summer.
Tate paused. "Okay, but I'm dragging you out of there for meals."
"Heh! I won't fight you."
As Tate left, Fiddleford set the needle back on the record, starting the next song: "The Three B's Poisoning Your Children (Booze, Bebop, and Bill)." Tate shut the door and let out a long sigh.
####
"I'll get it!" Dipper doubted anyone else could even hear the phone; Abuelita was asleep in the living room, Soos was upstairs hammering on something, and Bill and Mabel were at the far end of the house playing the piano and singing.
Dipper jogged into the office. "Hello?"
"Dipper!" Wendy said. "Dude! Just the man I wanted to reach."
"Wendy, hey! What's up?"
"Are you still looking for the Nightwigglers?"
"Yes! Why, did something happen?"
A couple weeks earlier, Wendy had shown him where her brother had seen the Fremont Nightwigglers; but by the time she showed him the path, they'd already come and gone a couple nights earlier. They'd found footprints and followed them to what looked like a campsite—there were odd empty burrows in the ground and traces of ashes—but when Dipper had tried to figure out where they'd gone after leaving the campsite, he'd lost their trail in the underbrush.
"Gus says he saw them on the same trail again last night," Wendy said. "Which means, if they were going back to that place we found with the burrows, and it was a campsite—"
"—then that's where they're camping today. So they'll still be there tonight!" Dipper laughed. "That's perfect! I can stake them out and watch when they wake up! Hey, do you wanna come along for a stakeout?"
Wendy groaned. "I wish. Gus freaked my dad out talking about the Nightwigglers. He says we have to stay home after dark and he's actually been checking our rooms."
"Aw, man. That stinks."
"But hey, tell me all about it at work, okay?"
"You got it! Oh—I could make a Guide to the Unexplained episode! I'll show you the whole thing."
"Oh, awesome. I can't wait to see these things," Wendy said. "Head's up, you probably wanna be quiet to avoid spooking them. Gus said they looked super skittish last night. They're probably wigging out because of gravity disappearing for a couple of days, lots of other wild animals are. I don't blame them, I'm still wondering what was up with that."
"Giant invisible flying axolotl from another dimension."
Wendy laughed in surprise. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah! I'll tell you about it at work too." Probably leaving out Bill's involvement. Speaking of Bill, where had he left Dipper's backpack? "I've gotta pack for the stakeout. Thanks for the tip!"
####
Gideon knocked on the shack's back door and waited anxiously, tugging at his sleeves and shifting from foot to foot.
The door opened to the sound of distant piano music. Dipper stood there holding a heavy backpack and a box of granola bars. "Gideon?" He didn't sound thrilled.
"Well, hey there, Dipper!" Gideon tried to sound more chipper than he felt. "I don't suppose Mabel's ar—"
"Nope," Dipper said. "What do you want?"
Gideon took a deep breath. "It's about Bill—"
"Shhh!" Dipper cast a nervous glance back toward Soos's grandma asleep in the living room. "Keep it down. Only Mabel and I know you know about Bill and no one else can find out."
"Why not?"
"Because... Mabel and I will get in trouble for not telling them sooner?"
Fair enough. Adults didn't need to know everything, Gideon thought. Voice lower, he said, "I didn't notice him with the others at Rainbow Club this week, and I saw that big laser thingamabob at the shack,"—and the next day received a panicked call from a cultist who couldn't reach Bill—"and... well—I need to know if Bill's dead, or—"
Over the piano playing, an off-key voice sang at top volume: "AND IIIIIIIIII will never HATE yooOoOOou—!" In the living room, Abuelita started from her nap, blinked sleepily, turned up the volume on the TV, and fell back asleep.
Gideon's shoulders sank in disappointment.
"Still alive," Dipper said. "He has a really bad backache, though."
"Well, dang it!" Gideon kicked at a twig on the porch. It didn't move.
"Yeah, I know," Dipper said. "But... I kinda think Bill has to stay alive? I heard this prophecy that I think is about Bill saving everyone? Probably not voluntarily—he actually really didn't want me to hear about the prophecy—so... yeah, we might just be stuck with him. At least for a while."
"Well," Gideon said sourly. "Isn't that just wonderful."
####
As he trudged home, Gideon tried to think of a way out of this. For one day, he'd thought he was blessedly free of Bill; finding out he was wrong felt like getting hauled back to prison.
If the adults didn't know he knew about Bill, maybe he could tell the Stans that Bill had been using him—surely they'd forgive Gideon for using a little dream magic to brainwash the town, right? Stan understood the lengths a businessman had to go to to advertise his business, and Ford was apparently the one who'd recorded the spell in the first place—and maybe the two of them could prevent Bill from spilling his blackmail to the rest of the town; or maybe Gideon could arrange for the Stans to "accidentally" find out Gideon had been working for Bill, and then Bill couldn't blame Gideon for spilling the beans...
Or maybe he could just stop helping Bill. Simple as that. He knew he'd been helping Bill arrange escape plans. Bill had promised he'd keep quiet about Gideon's crimes as long as Gideon didn't pick up dream magic again; but he'd never required Gideon to help him. The only issue was what his contact in Bill's cult might do and whether she might out him as one of Bill's allies; maybe he could just tell her that his parents were getting suspicious and he couldn't be a go-between anymore...
When he got home, as soon as he opened the front door he could hear his father excitedly talking in the kitchen: "It's the darnedest thing! I don't know where they came from—must be tourists, I suppose..."
Gideon followed his voice into the kitchen. "Daddy? What's all this fuss?"
Bud was grinning from ear to ear; even Joy was faintly smiling, a half-washed dish forgotten in her yellow-gloved hands. "There you are," Bud said. "Son, I've got the most terrific news! I just sold the three most expensive cars on the lot, all on the same day! Can you believe that?!"
"Well, hot dog!" Gideon grinned as well, relief washing over him. "That oughta keep us going for a while, shouldn't it?"
"It sure will! I guess you were right—we never needed any magic hocus-pocus, just good salesmanship!" Bud beamed. "But it's just the darnedest thing," he said again, "they all said they'd been referred to the dealership by a Mr. Locke."
Gideon's smile froze and his stomach flipped.
"I don't remember any Mr. Locke passing through town."
"Oh," Joy said, "there was one a—a week or two ago. Some sort of talent agent, I think? He came to see Gideon."
"Did he," Bud said, clearly a bit deflated that it wasn't his prowess as a salesman that had lured these customers to town; but he quickly recovered, "Why, that's wonderful! Maybe looking to line up another television appearance?"
"No no no," Gideon said quickly, "no, it was—it was purely a social visit. I-I knew him last summer. I'm not doing that sort of... television thing anymore."
"Ah, well. Still! Having connections pays off," Bud said. "If all he wants to do is send customers our way, I'll be mighty happy! If he comes by again, invite him to stay for dinner, it's the least we can offer him as thanks."
"I think that's a—a wonderful idea," Joy said, voice even softer than usual. "He was very friendly."
"Son?" Bud called. "Where you headed?"
"Just upstairs, I remembered I need to make a call," Gideon said. He had to ensure Sue knew Bill was alive.
Seemed like he'd be working with her and Bill for a while yet. His family couldn't afford for him not to.
####
Dipper pounced the Stans the moment they entered the shack. "Hey! Great Uncle Ford!" 
"Dipper? What—"
"Grunkle Ford, remember you promised that as soon as we weren't dealing with any Bill bull, we could go on an investigation—?"
"Hey," Stan said sternly, "any Bill what?"
"Bull... soup?" Dipper tried.
Stan nodded, satisfied. "That's right. And if your parents ask, that's exactly what you think it means." At Ford's look of amazement, Stan said, "What! Last year the kids' parents said if they came home swearing, I couldn't take 'em over the summer again."
Dipper resumed his attack: "Well, we're not dealing with any Bill bullsoup today! Come help me track the Nightwigglers!" He held up his journal, proudly showing off his unfinished spread. "Wendy told me where they're camping today! If we're there before they wake up, we can finally see them in person!"
"Really? Tonight?" Ford asked. "We just had a late night yesterday."
"Can't we have two late nights and sleep in tomorrow?" Dipper pled. "They might not be there tomorrow night! What's more important: sleep, or seeing the Nightwigglers?"
"Yes, I see your point. You're absolutely right," Ford said. "I could take a nap now and we can leave after dinner."
"Yes!"
Stan groaned, "Great—the insomniacs are enabling each other." He shook his head and started upstairs, muttering, "I'm gonna see what Soos is hammering on."
Dipper said, "I've already packed my camping supplies! Do you need help packing? I can help you pack! Come on—I can show you where we're going, too!" He impatiently led the way to the elevator.
####
This weekend, Bill had escaped the shack, faked his death, and proven that the whole Pines family actually wanted him alive; and yet, for all that, Mabel thought he seemed pretty down in the dumps today. He'd been kind of off since the eclipse.
Actually, now that she thought about it, he'd been off since before the eclipse, ever since the day he'd been grumpy to her about the glass pyramid "Mysteries." She was pretty sure he wasn't mad at her about that anymore; so she didn't know what was wrong.
But even though Mabel could see him wince when he leaned certain ways or moved his arms too quickly, he was trying to hide that he was in pain and he was trying to hide his gloomy mood. He grinned when he played the piano, and he alternated between popular songs that she knew and could sing along with and a bunch of old boring things like jazz and opera. (Bill tried to sing along to everything, even when he shouldn't. Mabel was pretty sure he was the worst opera soprano in the world.)
She didn't know how to fix whatever was actually bothering him. She could hang out with him and sing and talk—that seemed to make him happier. But Bill needed more than that.
He needed more friends.
Bill attempted a run, one hand crossing over the other and back as he rolled up the keyboard; his hands tripped over each other and stumbled across several keys at once.
Mabel laughed. "That sounded like a musical fart!"
Bill blew a raspberry. "I'll show you a musical fart." He attempted the run again, and messed up again.
Mabel laughed again. "I don't think you've got that part."
"Hey! I'm usually great at that part. It's this body—I'm used to playing it with flat fingers, I haven't practiced it with an extra dimension before," said Bill, who was lying, and had never been good at that part, and truthfully was pleased he now had an excuse that let him pretend he was actually better than he was. "Playing piano in a human body really holds me back. It takes nine hands to play my favorite song." That wasn't a lie.
He started the song over and elbowed Mabel. "Hey. Something's eating at you. What's up, kid?"
She hadn't realized she wasn't hiding her gloomy thoughts well enough. "Uuugh, I want you to meet my friends, but this morning Grunkle Ford said I still can't invite them over even though you're off death row. I guess he and Grunkle Stan are still worried you'll brainwash them or something?"
"Pff. We're still—renegotiating the terms of my imprisonment."
"Oh yeah? What have you renegotiated so far?"
The corners of Bill's mouth turned down. Mabel suspected that might have something to do with his foul mood. "Hey, I've got an idea to get your friends over here."
"Yeah?"
"Tell your uncles that the girls' parents are starting to wonder why you haven't been inviting them over like you did last summer. Say they're beginning to think that something is going on over here, and they're worried you're not in a safe environment—buuut if their kids can come over and see everyone's just been adjusting to a new guest, maaaybe their parents will calm down, right?"
Mabel shot Bill a dirty look. "Bill! That's a complete lie."
"But it's the kind of lie that could easily be true, and might even be true in the future, so is it really a lie?"
"Yeah it is."
"No it's not! Besides, it'll get your friends over here and it won't hurt anything, won't it?"
Mabel grimaced. "Okay, I can try—but if I try it and it works and I bring my friends over, you've got to make friends with them."
"Hmm!" Bill's face twisted up. "I like Candy's taste in art. And her bloodthirst."
Mabel elbowed him. "What do you have against Grenda?"
####
Eight-year-old Grenda sat at her desk kicking her feet and staring at her $1 bill, waiting for the bell to ring for lunch. It was Chocolate Chip Cookie Monday, they were fresh and gooey, and she was ready.
For the first time, she noticed the design on the dollar had a weird little one-eyed triangle with a hat. She pulled out a marker and drew a little smile under his eye.
And then she added buck teeth to the smile.
And then she gave him a second eye, stupid glasses, and a spiky beard that poked out in every direction.
And then drew wavy stink lines over him and added a word bubble that said "I'M SMELLY!"
"Heh. Stupid looking guy," she mumbled.
####
With an air of haughty disdain, Bill said, "She knows what she did."
"Okay, but you'll be nice to her, right? Pleeease?"
"All right, fine," Bill said. "For you, I'll be nice."
####
"Grunkle Stannn can my friends please come over? Even their parents think it's weird that they haven't been here all summer! If Grenda and Candy come over they'll know nothing weird's going on!"
"Uhhh..." Stan grimaced. "The last thing we need is parents asking questions... Yeah, sure, you should probably do that sometime soon. Maybe after we figure out what we're doing with Bill for the rest of the summer—"
"Thanks!" Mabel hugged him, ran off, and decided she'd heard Stan say "yeah, sure, you should."
She pulled out her phone. "Candy! Grenda!" She kept her voice at a loud whisper. "Great news! Dipper's gonna be out with Grunkle Ford tonight and I kinda-sorta got permission for a sleepover! Get ready for a party. I have a plan."
####
(This is a bit of a transition chapter for a couple more plots, but I hope y'all enjoyed! Let me know what you think!)
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a-hazbin-reader · 7 months
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Hii I love your work!
Could you do a (romantic but.. crush stage) headcanon of Alastor helping the reader and the reader gives him a kiss as a thank you and Alastor is like "what the hell was that?" Reader genuinely feeling bad for kissing him and Alastor says "you should be sorry" but then Alastor starts to constantly help the reader (even more than before) and everyone in the hotel knows what he's doing but reader is dense. Then eventually alastor just bursts into her bedroom shouting "FOR FUCK SAKE WHY WONT YOU KISS ME" (maybe not that but same energy)
Please and thank you :>
I'm just gonna...combine these two...
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Alastor X Reader Headcanons
✅️Romantic
❌️Platonic
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TW: Alastor being jealous, DOORS, Saucy?
Description: ☝️⬆️
You gave affection freely to those around you, everyone got a hug or a small peck on the cheek
So when you're struggling with something and Alastor helps you out? It's only natural for you to give him a quick kiss on the cheek
It's his reaction to it that makes you think you made a mistake in doing so, his body going stiff and gaze dark
You step back as you start to notice a green haze around him and the glass on his monocle cracking
"Don't you ever do that again, my dear."
"I'm-I'm sorry, Alastor-"
"You should be."
And just like that, he's back to normal, carrying on like nothing had happened and humming a jolly tune
But you still feel so guilty for making him so uncomfortable, that was the last thing you wanted
So you work hard to do better, to respect his boundaries and keep a respectful distance
It's not until later when Alastor has time to think about it that he actually realizes that he kinda enjoyed it
And that he's envious of the others who now freely get to soak up your attention and affection for doing little tasks
Like Husk getting scritches and scratches under his chin because he carried a box for you
Angel getting a warm hug with lots of nuzzling and cooing, all because he used his multiple arms to help you cook
Vaggie sheepishly accepting a thank you kiss because she caught you when you almost took a dive down the stairs
Charlie and Niffty are the worst offenders, always helping you and just eating up your praise and hugs
And now whenever Alastor helps you... you just give him a meek thank you and dash off
He's left there waiting for his hug and kiss that won't ever happen
He's not jealous, he told you not to thank him with physical affection
He just didn't realize that he was shooting himself in the foot when he snapped at you
So he starts trying to tempt you into it, taking every opportunity to help you out with every little thing
Alastor will physically shove the others out of the way in order to be the person who helps you out
And he never gets the proper thank you that he's looking for
It's getting to the point where you're driving him insane with those kissy lips and warm embraces
Why won't you just fucking give him some attention!? Oh yeah. Because he ruined it for himself
You do tell him that you're grateful for him and his help, sweetly smiling at him but keeping yourself at a distance
But it's not enough, he wants what everyone else is getting and then some
He hates being excluded or not being special and it's even worse when it comes to you
Alastor's thin patience suddenly snaps when one day while he's out running errands with you
The two of you bump into Zestial and the great overlord opens a door for you, earning a soft kiss on his cheek
It would almost be cute watching you struggle to do that, considering Zestial's height
But instead...Alastor is fucking irritated 😤
Zestial takes it well and you continue to run errands with Alastor for the rest of the day even though he's visibly sulky
His ears are bent back and his eyes are furious
You wonder what you did wrong
He's a bit distant from you for a couple days after that and you miss having him around
Even if you couldn't be with him, you still liked hanging around him and spending time with him
Just when you're starting to feel sorry for yourself and thinking you did something to offend him, wandering the hotel
He shows up by your side and grabs you, miraculously stopping you from almost falling into a fucking hole in the floor that wasn't there yesterday
Charlie is to blame somehow
You're just so happy to see him hanging out with you again that you hug him out instinct
Only to realize you fucked up and try to pull away-
But Alastor's firm grip on you stops you from moving, and he's looking at you in a way that makes your face heat up
"U-uh...um...thank you...Alastor..."
He tuts at you while shaking his head, pulling you flush against him as he leans in closer
"Words won't suffice anymore, my dear~ I'll only accept one thing as payment for my heroic services~"
You definitely don't melt when he suddenly kisses you and if your arms find their way around his neck then...
Who are you to deny him his payment? Kiss that bastard until he's crawling away and begging for mercy
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Me hoping I didn't just shoot myself in the foot by bringing up the door thing again..
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b4ddprincess · 28 days
Text
the void state is easyy, but you're still thinking otherwise?
rant, void state explanation, void state induction, you shouldn't allow feelings to hold you back
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i'm sure you all have seen many posts like this. but do y'all just read them and not put any effort into understanding how easy it is to get your dream life?
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𝐈. 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐄 . . .
the void state is described as conscious with 0 physical awareness or pure consciousness. the void state isn't an otherworldly dimension, or a multiverse, or a different plane you're "entering". the void state is simply another state of consciousness.
but here's the problem.... no matter HOW 👏🏼 MANY 👏🏼 TIMES 👏🏼 y'all read, "the void state isn't an otherworldly dimension, or a magical place you're entering." IT STILL DON'T REGISTER IN Y'ALL HEADS??? why is tht? we literally tell y'all like it is, and y'all like y'all searchin for a specific answer, so you refuse to accept the fact that the void state is just a 🙌🏽 state of consciousness 🙌🏽 LIKE ANY OTHER STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS.
you're NOT going anywhere, you're NOT leaving your body, you're NOT gonna end up sumwhere deep in space, and you're NOT dying! IT'S LITERALLY 👏🏼 JUST 👏🏼 CONSCIOUSNESS 👏🏼 DARLIN! what more of an explanation y'all want?
y'all are reading this post cuz you are conscious, and y'all are aware that you are reading a post, becuz you are aware of your surroundings, and most of us use our 5 physical senses: sight, hearing, taste, smell, touch. pure consciousness is simply you being conscious, but without any physical awareness, and you aren't using your 5 senses.
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𝐈𝐈. 𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 . . .
now, the "void" state is extremely easy to induce. as in, there are many ways to induce pure consciousness. however, the main way to induce this state is to detach from what you're experiencing/physically feeling. stop hyperfocusing on your surroundings and how your body feel and be in the moment with your thoughts. the only reason why some of us get "kicked out" of the void state is because our awareness is suddenly placed on our surroundings or our bodies. stay calm. you're literally fine. when you try to feel your body, you will tap out of the state because you're bringing awareness to what you're experiencing/physically feeling. that's why you must stay relaxed and still to stay in this state of consciousness.
relax your body -> focus on the darkness behind your eyelids -> affirm/daydream/think -> pure consciousness
guys, guys, guys.... its so EASYYY to induce pure consciousness that y'all should honestly be embarrassed of yourselves...
the void state is described as conscious with 0 physical awareness
👆🏽 the one part y'all often forget. "0 physical awareness." y'all love to hyperfocus on y'all bodies wayyy too much and that's why you didn't induce the void state then. y'all love to rush every single thing, and it's worse when you're rushing at night time? of all times??
just take slow deep breaths until you don't wanna, relax your mind, don't think about the void state, relax your body, swallow if you want to, adjust your body if you want to, focus on your affirmations/thoughts/daydreams, focus on the darkness behind your eyelids and that 👏🏼 is 👏🏼 all! 👏🏼
you will literally induce pure consciousness at that moment. and FOR CRYING OUT LOUDDD it's JUST........ you being conscious with 0 physical awareness. ok? you're not "eNtErInG" anything.
and you're NOT gonna do this with a trying attitude. you hear me?
i DON'T wanna hear it. don't come to me with no crocodile tears, yuh hear me? cuz i literally told y'all what to do, but you wanna rush it and then flood my inbox.
i can understand sum of y'all reasons, but the REST OF YALL..... y'all hadda be jokin..
(my caribbean dialect wanna peek thru on dis post so badly 😒)
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𝐈𝐈𝐈. 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃𝐍'𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 . . .
ahh yes... desperation. one of our biggest enemies... followed by impatience... followed by our doubts... and the cycle repeats. but where was this desperation rooted? at the thought of getting all of your desires instantly? at the idea that the void state is hard to achieve, and you must do everything right to "get in" to get your desires? where is your desperation rooted?
and then there's fear....... the biggest enemy here.
what exactly are you scared of? failure? living a new dream life in the outer world? what is making you fearful?
if you're fearful of not being able to induce the void state awake, tht's doubt. if you're fearful of time running out on you, tht's desperation and impatience. fear is the main source of those other feelings you experience. you shouldn't allow fear, to control your actions, cuz you're just holding yourself back. and i know you don't want to be held back, but you keep holding yourself back. you run method to method and you may find yourself circling back to a method, and then you circle back to another method... you keep running away from one of the easiest ways of inducing pure consciousness (the 2nd easiest way is to decide and tht has to do with states/loass, but we're not on tht rn).
how many times do i have to tell you the simple things to do to induce pure consciousness? and how many times y'all gonna ignore and ask for a method and then tell me "i didn't get in 😔"? yall are complicating the void state too much, and it NEEDS to stop!
you can literally induce pure consciousness at this time, but no... you're scared of failure when you actually can't fail. it's either you're focusing on your body, or you're not. it's either you're focusing on time, or you're not.
plus, y'all constantly make the void state sound like this big thing, when it actually isn't.
but anywho, i better see a bunch success stories in my inbox, even if it's just a 1 second experience in the void state. i'm gonna delete any asks tht are already answered in my posts, and i genuinely hope yall reflect on this post and apply 💗
i've said my piece.
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bamsara · 22 days
Note
I'll ask, if it hasn't been already - regarding the tags on the fanfic poll:
What kinda things make you click out/give you the squick? I'm so curious 👀
rubs my hands together: could be a mix of things anywhere between character dynamics, personalities or even how the fic is formated
Btw for people who don't know what squicks are: 'Squicks' are just personal preferences that someone doesn't like. Nothing wrong with em it's just not your vibe. (Exp: Like how all my friends HATE tomatoes but I am tomato eater forever)
anyway long ramble list:
Can't read big blocks of text without breaks very well, and I dislike when characters (esp main characters that are talking in every chapter/scene) have bolded or italicized dialogue. I think it's fine for special reoccurring characters but it genuinely messes up with reading flow for me when it comes to taking in information if used too much
If I'm reading a fic specifically for a monogamous romantic paring, I don't care for the 'past lover interest reappears' trope or one of them currently has one, or the love triangle that results in one of them being like 'oh but i love them both i can't possibly choose!' *cough twilight cough* it just makes the relationship feel disgenuine and icky. zero stars. Any mention of a character's past relationship usually makes me just click out, just personally not here for that
-^^^ to go with this, big fan of the 'misunderstanding where someone thinks there's a love rivelry but the third person never had a chance.' Like to the main pairing there's only eyes for each other and that's all they care about, there's just some third person who's there and causing problems (either because someone in the pairing is jealous of the third person thinking they're gonna steal the other when it's not, or the third person thinks they're a love rival when in reality they're not even thought about) *cough Tyren cough*. I think there's a lotta comedy to have with this. Bonus points if it brings main pairing closer together
When characters have linear character development and recovery. I prefer my characters to realistically relapse and bit a little bit of a hypocrite as they develop from start of story to end. Failing and falling short and again makes the final result much more satisfying when they're healing
When characters use 'therapy speak' or otherwise react perfectly 'acceptable' to stressful situations. Again, I prefer realistic depictions of characters under stress, and work out becoming better under that stress rather than just One Big Thing Happen and suddenly they're never going to react negatively or lash out again because another character told them It Was Bad and To find Better Coping Mechanisms.
Unhappy endings. (Or open ended ones) Sorry for hurt/no comfort lovers but none of my fics will have unhappy endings. I like my stories to have people that go through absolute hell and still come out on the otherside
The ace in me doesn't care for fics where physical attraction is a large part of the ingredients that gets the pairing together. Not saying they can't admire each other when the sunlight hits them or wearing a nice outfit but just not a fan of reading about how 'sexy' a character is to another. Probably why I usually blast all my characters with the aspec beam
That's all I can think of off the top of my head but if someone had a more specific question I might be able to answer
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lymtw · 5 months
Text
When Toji finds out that you get yourself off when he's not around, he's blatantly offended. You recognize jealousy on Toji's face when you see it. It's not always pretty, but sometimes you think it's the most beautiful way you'll ever see him. He looks at you with those eyes. Those merciless, yet disarming, green eyes. You've told him before that they are one of your greatest weaknesses, and since then he uses them to his advantage at any given chance.
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Shiu called Toji to notify him about a last minute mission, and though you begged him to stay, he reminded you of how this could be the one that brings both of you out of the struggle to make ends meet.
You were blinded by the amount of time you had spent with him. A week straight, no interruptions until Shiu called. It was one of the best weeks of your life, and that only further devastated you when you couldn't talk him out of leaving.
To make things worse, he wasn't able to reconcile with you and comfort you before he left. Shiu was rushing him, but all he could think about was how you turned your back to him, not even wanting to look at him before he left.
He answered Shiu's phone call for three seconds, an enraged, "I'm going. Jesus, fuck," before hitting the end call button. He stands at your shared bedroom doorway for a few seconds more seconds, still only getting a look at the back of your head. "I'll be back, princess. Gonna make it up to you, so wait up for me."
The mission wasn't difficult at all. It was so easy that he even attempted to contact you while he scouted the close quartered area. You didn't pick up a single one of the six calls he made, letting them all go straight to voicemail each time. It was irritating. He wanted to hear your voice, he wanted you to listen to him, he wanted to tell you that he was rushing this mission so that he could sprint home to you.
Once he got his dirty work done, he tried your phone again, and again, but you were still letting his calls go to voicemail. So, he decided to text you.
Babe, answer.
I know you're upset, but i'm on my way home now
Baby, please
You read his messages, sighing before throwing your phone across the room. He never says no to Shiu when it's about a job. You've accepted this before, but after spending a whole uninterrupted week with Toji, feeling like things would remain that way for longer than they did, it was hard to remember that life was gonna merge back in again at some point. Your vacation hours would run out and you would have to go back to work, and Toji would be hired to hunt someone down again. It was just disheartening to find out that it would happen so soon, and that Toji would jump back into routine so quickly.
You see one of his shirts at the end of the bed and reach for it. It was flipped inside out and balled up, so you know it was worn by him. Just holding it in your lap, you can smell Toji's scent. You bring it up to your nose, and your heart begins to race. Toji wore this. He's not there with you, so that's the closest you'll get to him until he's physically in front of you again.
You bury your face into the rolled up shirt, inhaling deeply. The scent really works at pushing you to forgive him for leaving. His scent was debiliating. It brought vulnerability to a moment where it was just you on the bed you share with your man. You were missing him and wishing he weren't so obligated to his work. It stirred up feelings that couldn't be contained.
In this whirlwind of emotions, you couldn't reject the feeling that blazed in you the most. Your need for him. Your desire to have him all over you, with those hands that don't quit when you waver between feeling like you've had enough, and wanting more of him than ever.
You crawl back to the top of the bed, Toji's shirt dragging on the sheets beneath your palms. Your shorts are peeled off and tossed to the floor. You grab his pillow from his side of the bed, slipping it between your thighs before laying down flat on your stomach. You spread his shirt out on your pillow, and lay your face on it, allowing your mind to fill with thoughts of Toji. You used this internal shrine to fuel the languid roll of your hips against the pillow.
Toji called one more time. He was two minutes away from the house. Your phone is on silent mode, still on the floor on the other side of the room. Besides, you were too distracted to see your phone screen light up, anyway.
"We're literally here, already. Quit stressing," Shiu says when he sees Toji scoff after putting his phone down, a deadpan expression on the former's face. The second the van stops, Toji hops out, and without another word to Shiu, he slams the door shut.
The door barges open and slams shut behind him. Had you not been in your blissful haze, you would have been concerned. Toji's footsteps echo on the hardwood floor as he looks around in search of you. You're not on the couch, you aren't in the kitchen. Where the hell could you be?
"Ma," Toji calls, walking through the hallway. He peeks into the bathroom, not digging further because the light was off. He hears heavy breathing nearby, so he keeps going down the hall. It's one of two doors. Luckily, he chooses the right one.
He slowly creaks the door open, his shoulders dropping immediately at the sight on the bed. He sighs in awe, leaning against the doorframe.
Your hips rolled a little faster against the pillow now, your arms curled tightly around the pillow for your head. Your face remained buried in Toji's shirt, your moans muffled as you gnawed on the black fabric. You were so close to unraveling, you could feel it building up in your lower abdomen.
Toji really liked the little arch you made everytime you pulled back and then dragged forward to get the longest amount of friction between your legs. He could see your body trembling, and your moans were getting louder.
"Oh, Toji..."
The monster in his pants came to life, prominently bulging through his pants.
"F-Fuck... fuck me, please," you gasped, keeping your rhythm but grinding harder against the pillow. "Oh fuck, oh fuck..." you moaned, higher in pitch as you reached the brink of orgasm. You dragged your panty clad cunt across the pillow one more time before completely falling apart on it. Cries of pleasure shamelessly filled the room as you continued to shakily rut against the pillow through your peak. You whimpered, your abdomen quivering with your shuddered breaths as you kept grinding.
Toji's boxers were drenched with precum, just from watching you go wild on a pillow. You were thinking of him while he was gone. You wanted him. You called his name while you got yourself off to his scent on a shirt he wore yesterday, and now you're just there. A breathless, panting, needy, beautiful mess.
Toji straightens his posture and enters the room. He sees your phone on the floor and picks it up, the screen lighting to show his most recent missed calls. His footsteps pull you out of your climactic trance, a starry-eyed look on your face when you see him approach the bed.
"Couldn't pick up the phone even once?" He presents your phone to you. "Too busy fucking yourself on my pillow?"
"Toji..." you start, waved off immediately by his hand.
"Heard my name in there a couple times, princess. Thought you were upset with me." His eyes rake down your body, focusing on the way your thighs clamp around his pillow. He sees the wet spot on the front of your panties, and for some reason feels envy begin to bubble up in his stomach. His hand reaches for the elastic band of your underwear, simply feeling the material that hugs your hips.
"I was," you mumble.
"Uh-huh. So, instead of waiting for me like the perfect angel I thought you were, you made yourself cum on a pillow?" He scoffs. "Don't know about you, but that's borderline selfish to me." He notices the involuntary pout on your face, your guilty eyes trying to hold eye contact while he scolds you. "I make you cum. I fuck you until your damn claws are digging into my back. Tell me, doll, and be brutally honest, for me. How is it not enough?"
"I missed you..." you say, a last resort. All you can do is back yourself up now.
He laughs in disbelief. You really were ruled by your own desire. "Try again, doll."
"I needed you, Toji, and the closest thing to your presence was your pillow and a stupid shirt you wore yesterday. We have a dirty clothes hamper, you know?" You point at the tall basket in the corner of the room. "Maybe this wouldn't have happened if you had thrown it in there."
"Show me," he says, a twisted grin on his face.
"What are you talking about? Show you what?"
He pulls the pillow through your thighs so that you're centered on it again. "Show me how much you missed me." He sits in front of you, his hands resting on your hips. "Show me how this flimsy replacement for me, made you lose your shit."
You sit there, flustered by his silence as he watches you, waiting patiently for his hands to get gentle friction from your skin.
"Oh, you need some help winding up? I was so sure you were good at this, seeing as though you made yourself spill, but, guess not." He looks down at the front of your panties. The wet patch was growing with no movement from you at all. This made his ego sky rocket, but also reminded him of how unpredictable you could be. "I'm not gonna hold your hand the whole time, baby. You're supposed to be putting on a show for me."
His grip on your hips tightens and he starts assisting you with rolling your hips against the pillow. He watches your face, a bright shade flourishing on your cheeks when you make eye contact with him. It was like he had a spotlight on you, and he was expecting you to perform well for him under the harsh light.
You let out a shaky breath, your palms settling on his thighs. Your head hung low, hiding the bashful look of bliss on your face. It was a gesture that Toji did not approve of.
"Let me look at you," he says, still maneuvering your hips in a constant rhythm. You lift you head but turn away from him. "Keep those eyes on me." He manually turns your head, one hand releasing your hip in favor of forcing you to look at him. His hand returns to its spot when he has your glossy eyes on his. "I'm right in front of you. There's nothing over there that demands your attention, so focus."
"Toji," you whine, humiliation flooding your body.
"Gonna let go in a few seconds, so you better fall into some sort of rhythm, doll."
You try to pretend like he's not there, but it's hard to do so when he's staring straight into your soul. Watching every expression you make, watching every tremble of your lips, every swipe of your tongue. You feel total vulnerability.
His hands are off and you stutter for a second before picking up again.
"There you go," Toji mutters. You took control, and ground yourself harder against the pillow.
"Toji, touch me, please." You pull your shirt off, baring more of yourself to Toji. His lidded eyes take in the newly exposed skin. He can see your breasts rising and falling now as you breathe, and he can't deny how badly he wants to hold them. He gives in, his hands going to your back to unclip your bra. His hands immediately grope your boobs, testing the malleability like he always does. They're just so perfect.
"Aren't you a sight... You just have to be so fuckin' pretty all the time, don't you?" He rolls your nipples with his thumbs, taking in the way you shudder at the contact. "Fuck, it's hard to stay mad when you look like that."
You feel that familiar ache begin to form again, when the roll of your hips starts leaving a lingering pleasure behind.
"You're about to cum again, aren't you?" Toji asks, knowing the answer. His eyes are narrowed on you, his dick twitching even if his blood is boiling at the thought of you enjoying this so much. You're doing those little arches again where you pull back and your stomach is quivering every time you drag yourself back forward.
"Mhm..." your nails dig into Toji's thighs, using them as leverage to facilitate your movement even more. "Toji, can I cum?" you ask, your submissive tendencies coming out right on time, as usual. You like handing over control to Toji, even if it means you don't get to cum when you're seconds away from being an absolute mess. "Toji, can I, please?"
How can he deny you when you've complied with what he asked you to do? How can he turn you down when you're so driven with pleasure that you look like you're about to cry just from slowing down for a couple seconds, awaiting his response?
"Only if you do it on my hand." His hands still your hips, holding you down firmly to stop your movement completely.
"What?" Your cunt aches from holding back. It's pulsing, craving the return of stimulation.
Toji's hand slides into the front of your underwear, cupping your slickened folds. "Do it on my hand," he repeats.
"O-Okay," you comply, once again. You start rocking against his hand, the roughness of his skin adding more friction to your sensitive core. You were bound to snap any second now.
"God, you're so wet, ma. All for me?"
"Mhm... all for you, Toji," you whimper. "Gonna..." you gasp. "Oh, fuck-"
Toji devours your expression and the shaky pressure of your silkiness against his hand. His pupils are enormous, ridding him of almost all the green in his eyes. He loves the sounds you make, he loves that you adjusted to the spotlight he put on you and gave him the best show, but most of all, he loves that this was all the product of you just missing him.
You're left breathing shakily, your head hung low, and your eyes lidded with exhaustion.
"Did it feel the same?" Toji's voice brings you back. His hand retracts from your underwear, and he gets a good look at what you left behind on him, wiping it off on his shirt. It'll be removed soon enough, anyway.
"Not at all." You giggle. You look at him, your hands coming up to cup his cheeks. "You're irreplaceable, baby. Inanimate objects don't do it for me like you do."
He chuckles. Your voice is adorable, all quiet yet still able to communicate your reassuring words.
"I need a nap," you mumble, retrieving your shirt from the end of the bed.
"Wanna shower with me, instead?"
Your attention directs towards him like a homing bolt of lightning. He gives you a smug grin, and you know exactly what he's thinking.
"Spare me some company and one of those massages you're so good at giving, yeah?"
You give him a deadpan expression, almost refuting him until he hit you at another point where he knew you were weak.
"Please, mama?"
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