#i will definitely forget to turn off that shit every week. hate hate hate hate

[demie90s]

MASTERLIST | Part 1

ᴏᴠᴇʀᴠɪᴇᴡ: ᴛᴡᴏ ᴇxᴇꜱ. ᴏɴᴇ ꜱɪᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱʜɪᴘ. ᴢᴇʀᴏ ᴍᴏʀᴀʟꜱ. ɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ɪɴ ʜᴇʀ ᴄɪᴛʏ-ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴜꜰꜰᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ ʏᴏᴜ ʀɪɢʜᴛ.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ ⚠️: ᴛᴏxɪᴄ ᴄᴏᴅᴇᴘᴇɴᴅᴇɴᴄʏ, ᴘᴏꜱꜱᴇꜱꜱɪᴠᴇɴᴇꜱꜱ, ꜱᴛʀᴀᴘ, ꜱɴᴇᴀᴋʏ ʟɪɴᴋ, ᴘᴜʙʟɪᴄ ᴊᴇᴀʟᴏᴜꜱʏ, ᴅᴏᴍ!ᴋᴡɴ, ꜱᴜʙ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, ᴅᴇɢʀᴀᴅᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴋɪɴᴋ, ᴄʜᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ.

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ ~ 2.1k

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: ᴍᴇꜱꜱʏ, ꜱᴍᴜᴛ.

ᴠɪʙᴇ: "ɪ ᴍɪꜱꜱ ʏᴏᴜ" ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛᴇᴇᴛʜ, ᴛᴇᴇᴛʜ ᴍᴀʀᴋꜱ ᴏɴ ᴛʜɪɢʜꜱ, ʜᴀᴛᴇ-ʟᴏᴠᴇ-ʜᴀᴛᴇ, ꜱʜᴇ ꜱᴘɪᴛꜱ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴏᴜᴛʜ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴀʟʟꜱ ɪᴛ ᴄʟᴏꜱᴜʀᴇ.

It’s been a few weeks. Not months. Not long enough. But long enough to know I fucked up letting her touch me again.

Definitely not long enough to forget it.

My girl knows something happened. I didn’t say shit, but she ain’t stupid. My mouth still tastes like her name and I haven’t slept a full night since. Not even a decent nap. I’ve been off—mentally, emotionally, sexually.

Like my body’s been unplugged from the source. And it has. Because she’s the source. And I hate that.

I’ve been dodging her. Ducking every studio invite, declining every last-minute “you there?” text from mutuals. I told myself that night was just sex. Closure. A mistake.

But I’ve rewatched it in my mind a hundred times. And I still come the hardest when I’m picturing her breath on my thigh, telling me to shut the fuck up.

So yeah. I shouldn’t be here.

But my mama called. Said, “Family dinner. Sunday. Bring your girl if you have to.”

If you have to. I should’ve known what that meant.

We pull up at the same damn time. Of course we do.

I’m walking up the path with my girl next to me, babbling about something she saw on TikTok, and I’m halfway tuned out when I hear a car door shut behind me.

I know it’s her. I don’t even gotta look. That chain always hits her chest just right when she walks.

I hear it now.

I knock. Mama opens the door before my knuckles land again.

“Heyyy baby!” She hugs me tight, smelling like she been cooking for a room full of people who don’t eat till they’re full—they eat till they’re satisfied. That Southern hospitality smell. Home.

I let her rock me for a second, then ease out of her arms. Then I hear it. The switch in her voice.

“Ohhhh look who it is! Come here, girl. Lord, you still fine. Still famous. Still single?”

I freeze halfway into the house.

I don’t even turn around. I know what’s happening behind me. I know my girlfriend’s watching my mother wrap KWN in a hug like she’s blood. Like she’s the one she prayed over and fed and rooted for since high school.

I keep walking. Straight down the hallway. I don’t want to see it. My old room’s still the same. Posters I never took down. Bed made neat. Candle wax from 2020 still dried on the dresser.

I sit on the edge of the bed, scrolling nothing on my phone. Legs bouncing. Breath shallow. My girl’s still out there probably watching my mama fawn over my ex like I didn’t just try to delete her whole existence from my life.

Whatever. I didn’t ask her to come. Door creaks open behind me.

I don’t look up. I know that scent. I know that silence. The door shuts soft.

“Where the hell is your girl?” Her voice is smooth. Flat. No warmth, no malice. Just facts. Just KWN.

I look up slow, biting the inside of my cheek. “Why?”

She raises her chin. Crosses her arms. “’Cause I don’t see her. Don’t hear her. And you ain’t looked at her once since y’all walked in.”

I stand. “Don’t come in here tryna read me.”

“I been read you,” she says, stepping in. “Page one to the back cover. Ain’t a thought in your head I don’t already know.” I roll my eyes, try to walk past.

She blocks me. One arm to the door.

“Why’d you leave?” she asks suddenly. “For real this time.”

I don’t answer. She tilts her head, eyes narrowing. “I had you in my mouth. Cryin’ on my tongue. Then you disappear?”

“I needed space,” I mutter. She leans in.

“No. You needed control. And you only feel in control when you’re running.”

That one stung.

I shove her arm off the door. “You think you know everything.”

She grabs my wrist. Quick. Not hard. But enough to make me freeze. “Say you don’t want me.”

I swallow. Look away.

“Say it,” she demands, pulling me just slightly. “Lie to my fucking face.”

I say nothing. She steps into me. Eyes locked. Breath brushing my cheek.

“That’s what I thought.” I shove her. Hard.

She catches herself on the wall and just laughs. A dry, deep sound that makes me shake. Then she grabs me. Backs me into the door, hand flat on my chest.

“You mad?” she asks, real calm. “Or horny?” I don’t answer.

She leans in, hand sliding to my throat. Just enough pressure to make me blink slow.

“You wanna hate me so bad,” she whispers. “But you want me more.”

My nails dig into her shirt. My breath catches.

“You still mine,” she says, lips barely brushing mine. “You just scared of it.”

I don’t kiss her. She doesn’t kiss me. We just breathe each other in. Like we’ve been starving. Like this is the first real air we’ve tasted in weeks.

And outside the door, my girl’s voice calls, “Babe?”

Neither of us move. She smiles. “You gon’ answer her?” she asks. I don’t. Because we both know I already did.

She’s smiling. That smug, cocky, this my pussy and I know it kind of smile. The kind that makes me want to kiss her or knock her head clean off her shoulders. And I can’t tell which one’s winning.

But it ain’t cute. None of this is cute. I could scream. But that’s stupid.

I could swing. But I’m not stronger than her. And she knows that. Which is the worst part.

So I just stand there, breathing through my nose like I got sense, when I don’t. Her hand still around my throat—light, teasing, familiar. Like this ain’t the first time we stood like this, door at my back, breath hot between us, me trying not to fold and her already knowing I will.

“Let me go,” I mumble.

She leans in, presses her lips to my cheek, right by my jaw. “You done?”

“No.”

She kisses lower. My neck. Soft. Slow. Shit that makes my stomach curl and my knees act like they forgot who I am.

“You done yet?” she whispers, nose brushing my skin.

“Stop tryna be cute—”

“I’m not,” she smirks, biting my neck this time—just enough to make me shiver. “I’m bein’ patient. Respectful. We in your mama house. I coulda bent you over that desk already.”

I blink fast. “You’re sick.”

She kisses behind my ear. “You love it.”

I try to push her off again but she grabs both my wrists and hugs me—tight, like restraint—but gentle. Not romantic.

Just possessive. Her arms locked across mine so I can’t move, her chin resting on my shoulder like we’re just two girls in love and not one decision away from humping in my old bedroom.

It’s dumb. It’s so dumb. But I’m still breathing like she stole the air from my lungs.

“You’re annoying,” I hiss.

“You’re shaking,” she whispers back.

“Am not.”

“Your thigh twitching.”

I groan and try to wriggle away but she just holds tighter. Not even straining. She’s strong and she knows it. And she loves that I know it too.

“To everyone else,” she murmurs against my ear, “we look in love.”

“We’re not,” I snap.

She smiles. “But you like how it feels.”

That’s when I finally snap. The second she lets go of my wrists, I swing. Fist to her chest—dead center. She stumbles back half a step, mouth open, eyes wide.

“Oh you bold now?” she says, grabbing her chest. “You brave, huh?”

I smirk. “Yeah, bitch.” She lunges. I duck.

We end up locked, hands grabbing at clothes, legs tangling. Not a real fight. Not a violent one. Just that stupid, chaotic, soulmate kind of wrestling. Laughing. Grunting. Me trying to get free, her trying to pin me.

We hit the wall. I try to spin out. She grabs me by the waist and lifts me clean off the floor.

“PUT ME DOWN.”

“Say sorry.”

“NO.”

“Say it.”

“I’M NOT FUCKIN’ SORRY.”

She tosses me on the bed—not hard, just enough to prove a point. Stands over me, breathing heavy, her shirt lifted just a bit, chain swinging, smirk deadly.

I sit up, glaring. “You don’t fight fair.”

“Neither do you.” She points at her chest. “Who swings on somebody after a hug?”

“I warned you.”

She leans in. “And I kissed you. You ungrateful as hell.”

I’m about to fire back when I hear it. My girl. Outside the room.

“Baby? You good?”

She looks at me. I look at her. And I’m breathing heavy. She’s smirking again. She steps back. Adjusts her shirt. Fixes her chain. Then walks over and opens the bedroom door just a little.

“She’s fine,” she calls out sweetly. “We just…catching up.”

Then she shuts it again. And turns to look at me like she just dared me to say otherwise. My whole body’s hot.

Not just because we were play-fighting. Not just because her cologne is still all over me. But because I’m turned on. Again. And she sees it.

“Oh, you horny now?” she teases, wiping the corner of her mouth like I kissed her.

“Shut up.”

She grins. Steps closer.

“You want me to leave?” she asks, low, voice smooth like smoke.

I don’t answer. “Didn’t think so.”

And I hate her for being right. And I hate myself for loving her anyway. But what I really hate Is how close she gets before pulling back.

I’m still on the bed.Laid out. Quiet. Tired. Legs stretched, hoodie riding up, one sock off—mad as hell for so many reasons.

My chest rising slow, but not calm. My jaw locked but not saying anything. I’m not even breathing right. Not since she opened that door and lied to my girlfriend’s face like she paid rent on it.

K stands there for a second like she’s done. Like she made her point. But then she turns. Looks at me.

Tilts her head just a little. That little smirk creeping back like she knows.

“You mad?” she asks, voice low and amused.

I roll my eyes. “Get out.”

She walks over anyway. Of course she does.

Leans over the bed, both hands on either side of my shoulders, hovering like a goddamn temptation test. Her chain swings forward and taps my chest lightly.

“You mad at me,” she hums, “but let me kiss you. That’s wild.”

“I didn’t let—”

She kisses me. Hard. Deep. Slow. Like I said something she had to shut up herself. And when I don’t push her away, she climbs up. Full body on mine. Legs between mine. Her weight familiar and soft and so not fair.

I sigh into her mouth, head pressing back into the sheets. My hands hover, unsure if I should push her off or pull her closer.

“You tired?” she whispers against my lip, smiling. “You breathing like I work you too hard.”

“You do work me too hard,” I mumble, annoyed.

She snorts. Bites my jaw real soft. “Yeah but you love it.”

I don’t say anything. ’Cause she’s right. And because I do love this girl. Even when I hate her. Even when I swear I’m done.

Her hands slide up under my top. Just warm palms on my ribs, thumbs tracing that soft space where my skin dips in.

And then she lays her head on my chest. Like we not in my mama’s house. Like my girlfriend not outside avoiding conversation.

We lay there like it’s normal. And I hate how it feels normal.

“Your mama don’t like her,” K mumbles, voice muffled against my shirt.

“I know.”

“She barely said hi.”

“I know.”

She laughs. “She asked me if I was eating good. SAid I look frail as hell.”

I groan, covering my eyes. “You love this shit.”

She grins into my chest. “I do.”

I hate her. I love her. I want to scream. I want to stay right here all night.

“She still out there?” I ask, blinking at the ceiling.

“Your girl? Probably pretending to read a fake-ass book on the couch.”

I laugh before I can stop myself. K grins. Kisses the bottom of my chin.

“You’re awful,” I say.

“And you’re here.” she reminds me, sitting up a little just to look at me. “Could’ve told me to leave. Could’ve left yourself.”

I glare at her. She’s still on top of me. Still holding me down. Her hairline sharp, lip gloss smudged, skin warm.

“You really think I was gone say no to you?” I mutter.

Her smile spreads slow, devilish. “Hell No.” I don’t say anything after that.

Because she’s right. Because I never do. Not with her.

Not when it’s K. Not fucking today.

@letsnowtalk @draculara-vonvamp @kcannon-1436-blog @let-zizi-yap @perksofbeingatrex @soapyonaropey @julieluvspb @non3ofurbusiness @kcannon-1436-blog @kaliblazin @liloandstitchstan @footy-lover264 @yorubagirlsworld @daffodil-darlings @h4untedghOul @followthesvn @hibiscusblu @sevikasleftbicep @swiftie4evr @babyphatbrat @sivensblog @beeop223 @huntedghOul @tpwkrosalinda @lightsgore @em-nems @salemsuccss @villain-ryuk @ihrtsarahstrOng @liyahh037 @sillystarv @somedetailsinthefabric @essence-134340 @mochelisgf @soph1asticated @heheievidbri @unvswrld @breezybellab @planet-ghoulborne @art-ofmusic @toorealrai @mrsarnold @prettyyyinblack

[mywritersmind]

MYSTERY KISSER - FC43

summary : You didn’t expect your ex to be there. You’re on a girls night out, trying to forget the cheater! Spontaneity is supposed to be on the list. You check it off one drink in when you grab a random man and ask him to kiss you.

listen up : i missed writing for franco omg!! kissing! fun and short! no part two

words : 1061

⋆｡‧˚⋆

“Oh shit.” you almost scream, looking at the man you’ve been avoiding for the past two weeks, “Shit!” You lied. Said you were out on date because you don’t need his cheating ass!

Well, two drinks in your hand and your girls around you, it’s obvious you’re not on a date.

He has his arm around a girl. He had made countless burner accounts just to beg you to come back- and now, after saying he’d be wallowing in his apartment all night, his hand is gripping some redhead’s ass.

“Fuck.” You hand the drinks to your friends, obviously panicking as they try to reassure you. Three years! Three years you had given to this asshole and here he is, doing the same thing he’d done when you were wishing he’d call you back. “Fuck that!”

Your friends try calling after you, yelling your name a bit too loud. The noise is drowned out by the pounding in your ears and the heavy club music.

You grab the first guy you see, “Kiss me!?” Yelling over the music, the man, who has a drink in his hand and a raised brow over his surprising green eyes, looks at you.

For a split second, regret fills you. And then… he grins. “Okay.” His hand slips to your waist, fulfilling your request without another word.

His lips hit yours in a rush of adrenaline and alcohol, warmth overtaking every inch of your skin. Your hand grabs the back of his neck, possessively matching how his hold tightens on you. His friends cheer and whistle, nothing more than a buzz in your ear as he slips his tongue in your mouth and you feel the sharp sense of biting on your lower lip.

You might not know the man but hell, after knowing the feeling of his lips overpowering yours, you definitely want to.

The kiss deepens and every thought of your ex disappears in the muggy club air. You feel his other hand brushing against you but it’s occupied by a drink, the condensation touching your bare skin the same second he grabs your ass.

He dips down a little, catching a breath of air as he locks your lips again. He’s smiling.

His hand is on your lower back now, his touch an afterthought that sends chills throughout your body. He mumbles something- something unintelligible and in a language you don’t understand and then… you’re practically ripped apart by the sudden flash of cool liquid hitting him in the side of his head.

You both swear, looking up at the reason why he’s drenched in- vodka?

Your ex stands there, empty cup and all. “You fucking cunt knew I was here-” He takes one step closer to you before getting pushed back by your mystery kisser.

“Watch out.” He has an accent, thick and currently filled with hate, “Back up, yeah?” To your surprise, he does.

Your ex’s face is burning, shooting his gaze back to you, “Little slut went running to the first man she could find-” The mystery man takes a step towards him but you push yourself in front, slapping your ex across his face.

“Slut!? We’re name calling now? I have plenty for you! Whore, Cheater, Dickhead, Asshole, Cheater-” You emphasize the last repeated word, getting in his face only to be slid back by two hands firmly on your waist.

They don’t move, even when your body is pressed to his, “Fuck off.” His voice is hard, serious. “Leave.” Some of the guys around back him up, swearing and egging your ex on.

You look up at him, arms crossed and expression unmoving. When he realizes you aren’t going to say anything else, he scoffs, throwing the cup on the ground and turning to go.

“Thanks for the drink, Mate!” The man behind you says it like a laugh, your ex turning sharply only to get pushed back by two men you don’t recognize. “You alright?”

You almost don’t realize he’s talking to you, he moves your hair out of your face, alcohol still splattered on you. “Yeah… Are you?”

He shakes his head, his brunette waves getting rid the drink like a wet dog. He looks up at you, still unanswered, but he just smiles again.

He’s got a damn good smile. In fact, he’s got a damn good face. “I’m Franco.” He holds out his hand, the limb barely fitting in between you two.

Hm. Franco. “Y/n.” You nod, “Sorry for earlier-“

“You’re sorry?” His eyebrows raise, “I’m sorry. I would have kissed you better than that if I knew your cheater ex was here.”

You almost laugh, the idea so wild that for a second, you’re rendered speechless, “Better than that?”

Franco likes this, properly grinning now. “Of fucking course this happens to you-” a curly haired brit says on the side.

A sudden blush finds your cheeks, remembering the proximity you are to his friends. Franco shakes his head, his hand back onto your hip and oddly steadying you. “They’re just jealous that beautiful girls don’t kiss them to make ex’s jealous.”

Your lips pull into a line, rushing over the ‘beautiful’ part, “I really wasn’t thinking I just saw him and-”

“Hey! Don’t worry, love.” The nickname makes your throat tighten, “If being used gets me a hot kiss and a conversation with you… I think I'm okay with that.”

“Looks like I picked well then.” You nod, biting back a smile and dragging a hand through his damp hair, “The drink is a shame though...”

He shrugs, licking his lips, “His money… tastes cheap anyways. Let me buy you a drink?”

You shake your head, overwhelmed at how quickly this night escalated, “Honestly after that, I should buy you one.”

He looks physically disgusted at this, “Ay… no. Don’t even joke about that. That kiss alone deserves its own bottle.”

You laugh freely now, leaning into him, “I like your accent.”

His eyes light up, his mouth slightly parted in a smirk as you close the distance once again, “I like you.”

“You don’t even know me, Franco!”

He bites his lip, his eyes flicking to yours, “I have a feeling I will soon.” You let him kiss you again, he’s slower now, more calculated, tasting like straight vodka. What doesn’t change is his smile against your reddened lips.

[windixie]

10 things I hate about you ⟢ ꒰ frat boy! gojo x reader ꒱

⊱ ۫ ׅ pairing ✧ college au . frat boy! gojo x reader . based on the film '10 things I hate about you'

summary . satoru gojo is the usual frat boy that one can think of when you're asked to think of, well, a frat boy. he loves to sleep around and be a womanizer. he swears he's been in every single girls bed from college, but it seems he hasn't gotten into yours. his friend offers to pay him to ask you out and get into your pants in the span of a month. at first he refuses, but who is he to turn down money despite the greedy bastard being rich as hell? what he doesn't expect is to accidentally fall in love with you and forget of his past morals.

⟡ genre/tag . fluff, angst, mentions of starving, enemies to lovers (sort of, you just hate him) college au, gojo is a manwhore ! a bit of suguru x reader and ofc reminder this is based on '10 things I hate about you' so there will be many similarities !

⨾ words . 7.1k

NOT PROOFREAD.

a/n : wrote this after watching 10 things I hate about you for the first time ever. I actually rewatched in a few more times while writing this ! knew I had to write about this right away with my glorious king satoru. also a thank you to my friend for helping me out again !

nav . here !

gojo knew who he was from a young age. setting his goals straight, which were to sleep with every girl he could get his hands on. or his dick into.

he made this a goal the second he graduated high school and got admitted to the states best college, one that was known for having the largest fraternity parties. and so far he has a body count of... well he lost count. charming girls was easy, all he had to do was woo them with a shine of his pearly whites, and his 9-inch dick.

"im surprised your shit hasn't ever gotten infected" suguru remarked, lighting up the cigar that was placed on his pink lips. the two were juniors in college, but they've been close since freshman year when gojo joined into the life of partying.

"easy. I wear condoms." this made suguru's pierced eyebrow lift up as he glanced at the white haired boy.

"thought you went raw."

that made gojo chuckle as he adverted his attention to his friend instead of his phone where he was texting a girl he's had his eye on for a while. the cheerleading captain. if things went well tonight, he will for sure have a chance to pound into her on his bed with a new bed frame after breaking his last one. take a wild guess.

"nah, as if I'd ever give them the full experience."

when I said that this school was widely known for their frat parties, I meant it. there is one every Friday, and every Friday you turned down your friends offer to go out with her. sure you attended some parties, just not any fraternities.

"cmon, you never come with me! you're always so busy doing nothing" bianca grumbled as she dramatically flopped onto your bed, making you jump a little. "and I will continue to be busy doing nothing" you shot back as you cleaned off the dust on your neglected guitar. "not even for an hour?" "nope." "not even for me?" "absolutely not, can't risk seeing my ex."

"what about for choso?"

now, by all means you definitely did not have any romantic feelings towards the emo boy. regardless of being a bit alternative yourself, you had no interest going after boys with similar tastes and style as you, not after your past relationship. choso was the lead guitarist of a band you've known for years. they perform once in a while at small or big events. this party being one of them. you've been wanting to ask him for guitar tips, but the man was quite reserved.

"for real?"

"mhm." she lifted up her head from the pillow propping her on her palm. "you should go, maybe to get the chance to talk to him. they lost a back up guitarist last week-"

"yeah I know." you interrupted

"maybe you could fill in that spot."

you went quiet for a bit letting the idea sink in for a bit before lifting up your head to look at her, slowly placing down your fender guitar, that was now looking brand new, on the floor next to the amplifier. "well, maybe I can."

meanwhile, in the comfort of the frat house, gojo was absolutely losing his mind. he has a hook up in less than an hour and nothing is going according to plan. "hey. hey! this is not the beer I asked for you guys to buy!" he shouted from across the room as he saw his friends carry in a cooler full of heineken instead of bud light which he claimed was the best beer created.

"you're stressing out man, calm down." suguru's hands met with gojos shoulders massaging the knots of stress that were forming. "course i'm stressed, am going to be deep inside the cheerleading captain if the party impresses her, can't let this opportunity just slip away."

"she's chopped." shoko chimed in as she walked past the two boys carrying a cooler herself. "well yeah but like, its a huge deal alright?!" he threw his hands up in the air in despair. "where the hell is that band?"

"they're on their way, should be here in twenty."

"yeah well the party fucking starts in twenty!" he bit back. his anxiety was hard to miss. just then as if it was divine intervention, choso walked in dabbing suguru up, exchanging a few pats on the back. "haven't seen you in a while man."

the guitarist that left the group? that was suguru. he ditched the band simply because he wanted to focus more on his party life after being influenced by satoru. and somewhere along the way he lost interest in that dumb dream he had on becoming a rockstar or whatever. that obviously didn't sit well with the other band members, but choso could care less, not like suguru was contributing anything to the band in the first place since choso's guitar always outshined suguru's.

“mhm, thanks for coming, you guys can go set up over there” he pointed at the stage they set up.

“will do.”

you rarely wore dresses. not that you didn’t like them, they’re just not your go to option to wear. but there’s no way you’d ever say you hated the one you were wearing right now. it was a pretty vintage one that bianca was lending you for tonight after you finally agreed to accompany her to the party.

“see you look gorgeous” bianca placed her mascara wand down to look at you up and down admiring how her dress fit you perfectly. “i like it” you hummed looking down at yourself.

“come on, we’ll be late.”

the loud music filled the cramped building as you made your way through the crowd clinging onto bianca’s arm for your life. people danced, drank, and made out in every corner you’d look at. the whole place reeked and the flashing lights and loud music made it very overwhelming. gojo wobbled down the stairs fixing his white locks, pushing them back panting as he threw himself on the couch where suguru greeted him with a red cup.

“well?” the sweating boy gladly took a sip of his beer grunting. “had to cover her face in a pillow. her expressions were pissing me off.” his long limbs stretched out. suguru chuckled as he cracked his neck a bit listening to the song that was playing carefully. “oh shit, i wrote this song.” “don’t care.” satoru mumbled. “well, guess i can say i’ve fucked every girl in school.” as if that was anything to flex about.

that’s when sugurus eyes landed on you from across the room, a smirk crept up on his face noticing how out of place you looked.

his pretty ex girlfriend.

you and suguru dated all throughout high school. after joining college, he was ready for new things, such as sex. but you weren’t which led to your breakup and fucked your best friend at the time out of spite. you lost both your boyfriend and best girl just from not being ready to get your virginity taken away.

“what about her?” he asked pointing at you. satoru followed his finger before his eyes found you as well. “who the hell even is that” he could barely make out your figure through the colored lights and his blurry vision. “so you haven’t.”

bianca served you a drink which you were definitely not going to consume, before she excused herself to find someone to dance with.

“here drink this. i’ll be back alright? choso is right over there, use this time to talk to him.”

before you even got the chance to even let out a word, she left. you felt abandoned as she left you in the kitchen all alone. bringing up the cup to your lips, you took a sip before cringing at how god awful it tasted.

“not a fan of heineken? told those bastards to bring in bud light but they never listen” you hear a voice behind you, making you turn around to meet eyes with satoru, the most handsome man you've ever laid eyes on. the bet was simple. he had exactly one month, until november 20, to make you fall for him and fuck him. with a whopping 300$ waiting at the end for him, if successful.

“you get into her panties in a month, and i’ll pay you.” your ex offered. “why?” gojos eyebrows furrowed. “what’s in it for you?”

the whole thing was suspicious to him at first. suguru never gets in the way of gojos sex life. never telling him who to fuck or who to avoid fucking.

“mm just cuz.. she’s difficult. you like a challenge don’t you?”

reluctantly, satoru agrees. “how much?”

“300.”

“bet.”

“oh sorry don’t think we’ve met before. i’m satoru” he offered a sweet smile, showing off those pearly whites that could have a girl soaking wet in 10 seconds. “oh.. okay.” your response made him still for a second.

“i want you to go out with me”

“huh?”

“go out with me.” he repeated which only made you scoff at the boy’s advances. “sorry not really interested.” a grunt left his mouth before continuing. “i can take you out some place real nice, places you’ve never been before.”

“like the 7/11 in broadway?”

he froze for a second before chuckling shaking his head while doing so. “well, no..” his pale fingers reached out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “you like picnics, pretty?”

“not really.” his hand got smacked away by yours. “ill prepare you the best dishes you can imagine.”

“im seriously not interested, thank you though.”

he stood there, dumbfounded, as he watched you walk away. this was going to take a while.

you didn't even have the opportunity to talk to choso, which was the whole reason why you wanted to go to the dumb party in the first place, because bianca came running towards you ordering for you two to leave this instant after finding the boy she was talking to fucking another girl.

the way you met bianca was from her showing you around the college campus when you transferred, become your only friend so far. and you knew that this boy she was in a talking stage with was really, really her type. that night you spent comforting her, allowing her to soak your shoulder with her tears and her barely audible tantrum, as well as thinking about the boy that wanted to desperately go out with you. what was that about?

────୨ৎ────

gojo could've sworn he left dissecting frogs back in high school, but here he was again, poking around at the laid back the diseased amphibians internal organs. "no way am I doing this shit." with a mutter, he placed the tweezers down gagging, shaking his hands in disgust before pulling out his cigarette box, sliding one out placing it in between his pretty pink lips, far too pretty for a man. "smoking in class? you'll set the smoke alarm off." suguru scooted closer to his friend. "how'd it go yesterday? did you get her number or..?" gojo exhaled, no smoke yet, just resignation.

"nothing happened. she wasn't interested" the black haired boy scoffed, not comprehending the words that were coming out the school's playboy. " you're satoru fucking gojo, this should be easy as hell for you!"

“well how do I make her fall for me?” he brought up the lighter up to his cigar huffing it slowly before blowing it towards suguru, in which he looked down at gojo unimpressed. “you can start by putting that,” he took ahold of the cigarette before crushing it down against the table, which left a nasty dent on the cheap laminate. “down.” he ordered flatly, staring as gojo whined like a kid who just got denied candy from the check out isle. “she doesn't like boys who smoke.”

“..how do you know that?”

suguru paused in deep thought. "I overheard her telling her friend that, the one that has the white pearls around her neck all the time. they were talking about their types or something." he shrugged. "anything else she said about her type?" gojo asked intrigued as if he was about to take a test on you specifically.

“she likes pretty guys.”

“are you telling me im not a pretty guy?”

As if divine intervention occurred, the door creaked open, pausing the chatter between the two boys. there you were. wearing a cute frilly outfit as you made your way to your desk. suguru shot gojo a pointed look before walking away. the sight of you made gojo straighten his posture suddenly hyper aware of every detail of himself. quickly running a hand through his hair and gulping, his adams apple bobbing. he shot you a smirk as you got close.

"hey.. wanna traumatize this frog with me?"

you looked down at the poorly dissected frog then back at him, the boy from the party. "looks like you've traumatized it enough." your response made him blink. well, at least you were giving him full sentences now but your sarcasm hurt his ego a bit. "if you give it a kiss, im sure you'd bring it back to life." the boys blue eyes met yours. "or you can kiss me instead.."

you let out a small chuckle. "like that'd be any different."

"just sit down.." he pushed a stool for you to sit down on. you were reluctant but you sat down, sliding off your bag to set it down next to you before slipping on a pair of gloves provided by the lab you were both currently doing, or about to do. "girls would kill to place their lips on mine"

"oh im sure.." you picked up the scalpel, carefully inspecting the frog. "are you seriously this bad at dissecting?"

"baby im a lover not a scientist." gojo brought a hand up to his heart dramatically.

shooting him a glance, you continue poking around the organs. "you don't even qualify as the first one.." he snorted at your sass, lips twitching in a cute crooked grin. "I beg to differ" he brought his hand up to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. "go out with me, please."

"hold the damn frog still before I poke one of your eyes out instead"

"yes ma'am."

suguru watched from afar with a serious look placed on his face.

────୨ৎ────

the wandering page is heaven itself. a cute shop tucked right around the corner of the school full of second hand books and cd's. its tyour go to spot where you usually buy your cd's for your collection that was placed neatly back at your dorm. you entered, the bell placed on top of the door notifying any workers of your entrance quickly making your way to the music disc section, crooked shelves full of cd's. you're surprised to see many new arrivals.

some were year old music, and some were rare old ones from the 2000's. you reached out to grab a few, a soft smile plastered on your face as you scanned the labels. so deep into it, you didn't notice the bell chiming again.

"excuse me, have you seen any cd of the cranberries?" the smooth voice behind you asked. "oh sorry I don't work here-"

"found out through her instagram stories, she enjoys listening to this Irish band, the cranberries."

"what's her insta?" gojo looked up from his phone, pausing his game.

"uhhh, shit can't find it anymore but anyways. use that information how you want" suguru grabbed his hair, making a messy bun out of it. "got it."

halfway through your sentence, you took a good look at who was behind you. satoru. "oh, it's you." your eyes narrowed as they focused on him. the boy slid his glasses on the crown of his head. you didn't know he even wore those, well you barely knew him. still, you'd be lying if you said you didn't find it attractive. "are you stalking me?" you asked defensively.

"what? no no, I guess this is just destiny" his eyes lowered down to the cd in your hands. "frank valli? isn't that guy like, ancient?" you resisted the urge to roll your eyes. the plastic creaked at the way your hands gripped it tighter. "I wouldn't say that."

satoru chuckled tilting his head a bit. he sure has some nerve.

"didn't realize you were into boy bands."

"not a boy band"

"right, got it."

you pushed past him to head to the cashier. shit.

────୨ৎ────

"you're not going to get anywhere if you keep teasing her like that." suguru knew you hated when people would make fun of your interests, even if it was just a harmless joke. the edge on his tone wasn't unnoticed by his friend. "she's so.. difficult." gojo muttered, half to himself, as he threw a basketball up in the air before catching it as it fell back into his hands.

"hes weird. real weird." you explained to bianca who was so intrigued by the sudden love interest that appeared in your life out of nowhere. "no way the satoru gojo is wanting to take you out!" without hesitation, you threw a pillow at her, which landed right on her face. "don't say it like that!.. hurts me a bit" with a groan, you allowed your hand to drag over your face. "cmon its just that.. he's not known for asking girls out. he just gets on with the freaky ass stuff."

you gave her a flat look. "I feel so special."

"what else does she like? since you know soooo much about her."

"well.. apart from the cranberries, she likes the Marias. they're performing near us, take her there. im sure that'll definitely make her warm up to you. and once she does, go for it." gojos face faltered, his expression turning a bit more thoughtful as he sat up.

"seriously?"

"mhm. take her."

"... pass me my computer. let me order the tickets."

"well I think you should give him a chance. he's very handsome." biancas eyebrows wiggled. "girl you can have him, I don't want him." you replied, which only earned a groan from her. "I don't want any boy who thinks the whole world revolves around him because he's a frat boy with a body count of two hundred"

"if you really didn't want him, you wouldn't be talking about him every five minutes."

her comment really shut you up.

────୨ৎ────

you weren't expecting to see two tickets slip right into your line of sight while you were halfway through placing some textbooks in your locker. the bold blue letters read, 'THE MARIAS' "hi pretty.. got these for you and me." your eyes widened at the familiar voice. the white haired individual really had a habit of sneaking up behind you didn't he? "you.. you got-" you stammered, blinking at the sight of the tickets, then back at him.

"got these for you and me." he repeated himself, both his voice and gaze softening. not sure to be flattered or continue being suspicious, you slowly accepted one of the tickets, taking it from his pale hand. "you really don't give up huh?"

"id never give up on you. how many times do I have to tell you sweetheart, I want you. so allow me to take you out, yeah?" his voice never stuttered. but your heart did.

"one date." you said firmly as you lifted up your finger, finally agreeing to his advances. his charm was different.. it was bold, yes, but real. "don't push your luck, im only accepting because its the marias. im not even going to ask how you know I like them."

"because I like you." there was short pauses between his words allowing each syllable to sink in. like he meant it.

"one date, for now." he said placing his lips on your cheek lightly, making you freeze. "ill pick you up at seven.. here give me your phone number."

you had no idea why you were allowing him to win a point at this game he was forcing you to play. but you were definitely not going to complain now.

"alright I gave em to her." the proud boy with a grin stretched from ear to ear, walked up to where suguru was.

"told you it'd work."

for some odd reason, suguru couldn't help but feel a deep sense of jealousy. you were his girlfriend for years. and his dumb actions ruined all of it. but if he made you realize that no one would ever love you like he did, you'd for sure come crawling back to him.

later that night, in the comfort of your un-made bed, you sat cross legged staring down at the new contact. satoru with a stupid blue heart next to it. of course he'd type in his name like that. "just one date.." you repeated to yourself. a silent warning to yourself, him, and the universe.

satoru : hi ml, wear something cute yea? and something easy to take off ;)

you stared at the message. any past thoughts of him not being that bad quickly vanished. obviously, you weren't going to give him the satisfaction of your reply, so you left him on read. guess that hurt his feelings because a few minutes later he texted again.

satoru : im joking baby :(

you threw your phone onto the night stand, like it burned your hand. you couldn't decide what was worse, his sad excuse of flirting, or the fact that your lips were twitching in a just barely visible smile.

"going on a date I see?" bianca grinned as she watched you put on the last bit of blush on your cheek. "lemme guess, you finally agreed to gojos attempts?"

"yep. just one date though. only because he bought me concert tickets."

her eyes widened. "no way! to see who?!"

"the Marias."

"oh, if that isn't true love right there, id not know what is."

you chuckled. "did you confront your talking stage?"

"fuck no" she groaned. "just blocked him everywhere, im not giving him any time of my day so he could explain himself to me." her body fell on your bed, bouncing a bit. "did you ever talk to choso?"

shit. that's what you've been forgetting.

"ill get around to it."

you both met up to where you agreed, which was just outside the girls dormitories. the second he saw you, his heart fluttered.

you looked, no, you are gorgeous. why was he just noticing this now?

"...hey" a smile crept up on his face. he was dressed casual while you wore a pretty jean skirt with a shirt from the band. "hi" you returned the greeting.

"you're so beautiful.." you'd be lying if you said you weren't flustered. if you were to lie, the dark tint of pink on your cheeks would say otherwise. "lets just go."

with a chuckle, he led you to his car. a model of the year, typical for a rich ass boy like him. being the gentleman he was, he opened the passenger door for you before closing it as you settled yourself down.

he made his way over to the drivers seat. "you ready babe?"

the concert was beautiful. the music reached your heart it made you tear up, of course some songs made you recall your past relationship. gojo couldn't help but admire you from time to time. watching as your pretty mouth sang along to the unknown lyrics.

"lets take a picture pretty." he said out of nowhere. "a picture?" he nodded before pulling out his phone snapping a few pictures of you and him throughout the night, mostly of you. you did the same, filling up your gallery with endless pictures and videos.

as the night came to an end, he drove you safely back home, both of you discussing the songs you enjoyed being performed the most.

"I think I enjoyed back to me the most"

"no way! paranoia was clearly the most enjoyable."

he rolled his eyes. "yeah well I think what I enjoyed the most was seeing you sing. you're gorgeous baby."

"you already told me that like twenty times."

"and ill continue to tell you for the rest of my life and beyond that." his words made your stomach twist. not in a bad way. definitely not.

it was quiet for a bit before you spoke again. "yknow I want to be in a band." gojos eyebrows rose up in surprise. "that so?" you nodded. "my ex boyfriend was in one." the mention of you having a dating history didn't sit well with him. he kept reminding himself that this was all just a bet. so why did it bother him?

"mm so you're saying im not going to be your first boyfriend?"

"you're very confident to know if I even want you as my boyfriend."

the radio played soft melodies through the quiet moments between the two of you. "my friend was in a band too, he quit tho"

now it was your turn to be surprised. "oh that's cool."

"I want to join chosos band, that's the one-" before you could finish, he arrived at the side of the sidewalk that led to the girls dormitories. "choso.. I know him. ive got connections and I have no problem recommending you to him darling."

"you'd do that for me?"

"course I would."

".. counting down the seconds to go on another date with you soon love." he spoke quietly. his soft voice made you smile. and before you knew it, you were leaning into a kiss with no control over your body, like it was possessed by a curse or something.

gojo froze. he was torn between kissing you back or not. "lets save this for another time."

your heart sank as you pulled back.

opening the door, you left without a goodnight. or a kiss. once you were out of view, satoru dragged his hands down his face groaning. he's grown attached to you without knowing it. and he's hurt you with denying your kiss. he was getting what he wanted. well, what the bet said.

he knew he had to fix this somehow. he couldn't just let you lose all feelings for him when he was so close.

the next day, upon walking to campus, he paid a couple of band students, winking at them. what was he up to?

────୨ৎ────

you were outside sitting on the first bench closest to the field scrolling on your phone.

you were annoyed.

no. pissed. pissed at how he dodged your kiss like it meant nothing and honestly you have every right to be. because why is he hesitant to kiss you when he’s the one that was so desperate. is this some sort of sick joke?

if he wanted to feed into his ego by making you fall for him. well he got it.

but if he wanted you. he wouldn’t have flinched.

your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a microphone starting.

“can't take my eyes of off you..” he murmured into the microphone, his eyes locking on yours. you blinked once. and then again - unsure if you were seeing right. before you even got a chance to process it, the band that was right next to you began to perform filling the field with the familiar tune of ‘can’t take my eyes off you’. his body stepped forward, then another, until he broke into a dance. you let out a few chuckles of disbelief as you watched him make a fool of himself.

“i love you baby!” you wanted to crawl into a corner and die from embarrassment. “and if it’s quite alright, i need you baby..” his finger pointed right at you.

a crowd formed, recording as the schools biggest frat boy performed for a girl they’ve never seen before. you brought your hands up to you face covering it in embarrassment as a flush appeared. he was so off key now, yelling out the lyrics as two police officers approached him. he made a bee line towards the bottom of the bleachers, dodging any attempt of getting caught. as he finally reached you, his arm wrapped around your waist.

“oh pretty baby..” he panted as the chorus died down. your hands shot up grabbing the collar of his shirt before smashing your lips onto his for a short, but sweet, kiss, before he was taken away by the officers.

“i love you baby..” he said as he got dragged out the field by the hold of the officers.

and part of you knew that his words were truthful.

────୨ৎ────

detention was awful. well not really, but for satoru it is. sitting in silence for an hour is straight up torture. he would rather take death than one more second of this.

he was unaware of the faint tapping on the window next to him until you accidentally tapped too hard, ducking your head just in time. he was close enough to look down and see you there. he looked up to see the teacher too busy typing away at her computer, probably writing that inappropriate novel everyone says she writes, before looking back down at you. you waved your hand, gesturing for him to escape.

'I can't..' he worded which you just rolled your eyes at.

'come on!'

he sighed looking back at the teacher before he slowly opened the window. he stood up as the teacher got distracted by tapping on her window now. he took this opportunity to jump out, landing harshly on the grass. before he could let out a groan of pain, your hand covered his mouth.

"come on."

you both made a run for it, away from the school campus.

"did you see that my love? I was like a ninja!"

"you sure didn't land like one."

he grinned before wrapping his arm around your shoulder. "you like the performance I gave ya?

"..yeah, my favorite part was you getting caught." he lightly shoved you away before hugging you again.

you both were laying in bed at his dorm, enjoying each others presence. "so.. you going to tomorrows frat?" he asked softly as he rubbed your back. "I dunno.. last time I went I didn't like it."

he needed you to go. he only had three more days to fuck you. "it'll be fun.. just come with me." his persistence made you furrow your eyebrows. "why are you forcing this on me?

"im not forcing you. is it too much for me to ask you to come join me at my party?"

"dont talk like that to me." you propped yourself up on your elbow looking down at him. "what. what is is going on huh?"

he scoffed. "nothing!"

"well its obviously something if you keep on-mmph!" his lips on yours cut you off. you obviously allowed him to mold his onto yours.

"just want to show off my pretty doll to everyone.. so come tomorrow"

he was running out of time, after all.

────୨ৎ────

at the end, you agreed to accompany him. after reaching the frat house, you searched for the bathroom needing a pee break after drinking too much water earlier. after countless doors being opened, and getting flashed, you finally secured yourself some privacy.

you came back from the bathroom, rounding the corner, just in time to hear a laugh.

"can't believe you actually pulled this off man." the voice was one you haven't heard in months. another voice cuts in. "yeah yeah whatever, it stopped being a bet weeks ago suguru."

your heart drops.

no, no no this can't be happening.

drunken laughter chatting about how you thought this actually meant something. that you meant something to satoru.

"so you dont want your prize?" you quickly approached the two voices. your entire world stopped as you saw satoru, and your ex suguru.

"are you fucking kidding me?" you stared at him, feeling so many emotions all at once. anger, betrayal, and even denial. your mind was processing what you just heard. you wanted to hear it wasn't real, that he wasn't only after you because of a bet and that he actually likes you. but you knew you were better than that, you couldn't help but connect all the dots. the coincidence that he came up to you at that frat party, the same one you knew suguru was in. the way gojo knew your interests. the way he knew your type.

it wasn't fate. it was orchestrated.

there was horror written all over gojos face. "no baby.. baby listen to me." but you refused, shaking your head. you refused because the following words were going to be the confirmation that you dreaded to hear. without another word, you turned away pushing though the crowd. "y/n!" he shouted, but you didn't turn back. as you made your way down the hall, his hand wrapped around you wrist, "please, PLEASE listen to me!" in which you yanked back.

"it was all a bet huh? set up by the one boy I hate the most. I knew I shouldn't have trusted you! you're just like every other frat-" you were interrupted by his lips molding against yours. no matter how much you wanted to melt into it, you didn't. your hands landed on his chest, pushing him off you before wiping your lips. the boy stood there, stunned, as his sad blue eyes watched you walk out.

"babe.."

that night your phone was blowing up. call after call, text after text- all from him.

satoru : y/n please.

satoru : call me, return my calls lets talk pretty.

satoru : it was a bet, but believe me when I tell you that I truly love you.

satoru : I love you. say it back baby. please I need you. can't lose you, im sorry love please don't leave. fuck suguru for all I care.

you were debating if you should just block him for good, finger hovering over the red block button. but you simply put your phone on dnd and headed to sleep recalling the horrible events of tonight. tear stains were placed on your cheeks, mascara ruined, just like how your life felt. ruined.

Bianca had tried, she really did. she tried her best to comfort you, but she understood you needed space. the sweet girl provided you with extra blankets as well as water, she even rubbed off the remaining makeup on you. she as well received some texts from satoru. her response?

'fuck you.''

satoru hasn't felt this horrible since he accidentally flushed down his sisters goldfish back in first grade. but it wasn't the same.

the goldfish didn't hate him. you did.

and he hated himself for how he made you feel. he hated himself for doing this to you. but god was he grateful to have taken on that bet. not for the money, but for you. because of the bet, he met such a wonderful girl who he was completely smitten for. too bad that the girl now hates his guts.

the weather matched how gojo felt. he looked like hell.

his iconic shades and stupid grin weren't present. his usual outfits was replaced by a simple white t-shirt with sweatpants. the confident boy was now just a regular burnt out college student who looks like he missed out on eight hours of sleep to study for his physics final. he hasn't eaten since yesterday, deciding his body didn't deserve to be rewarded with food.

he ignored the glances from other students. people who idolized him were staring with widened eyes. no way was that satoru gojo. some of his frat bros came up to him, hitting his back, laughing at whatever the hell they thought was funny. suguru included.

satoru swore he began seeing red.

"you never told me she was your fucking ex." he muttered dangerously. suguru let out a sigh, leading gojo away from others. "hey, we made a bet. don't see why you're mopping about it. I wanted to show her that really no one would love her like me. anyways here, you ran out yesterday couldn't give this to you." he pulled out the prize promised from the beginning. those damn 300$.

satoru pushed the money back to sugars chest. "I dont want it." all the air was knocked from sugars lungs for a second. gojos fist collided with sugurus cheekbone. sugurus eyes widened and a few gasps could be heard from the scene. his gaze following satoru watching as he walked further and further away.

the boy was desperate to see you. he needed to find a way to prove himself to you. to prove that his feelings were real.

you didn't show up to your classes that day, deciding its best if you stayed in bed scrolling through your phones gallery wanting to delete every picture you've taken of him.

satoru : good morning angel, you've got every right to hate me. but im not giving up on us, not when you're everything ive ever wanted. talk to me mkay?.."

Bianca thankfully walked in which quickly made you forget about his text.

"hey girl.. know this is bad to bring up now but.. choso wants to talk to you later at the frat he's playing at. something about letting you into the band."

for the first time in a while, you felt happy. you knew who recommended you to him.

"you know what happened last time I went to a frat.."

she chuckled a bit. "ill make sure that son of a bitch doesn't approach you. ill be your personal guard dog madam."

the familiar smell of beer, weed, and other shit you didn't want to know, came to you. the same smells you encountered on that night. biancas arm was around yours tightly, keeping watch of your surroundings. "alright, we got emo boy on stage. frat boy at 10 o'clock"

"I dont think that's 10 o'clock.." you muttered which you were quickly 'shh' at. "okay coast is clear."

you took in deep breaths reminding yourself that you weren't here for gojo, you were here because you might have a chance to join your ex boyfriends band. he caught your eye for a second, offering you a small nod.

bianca nudged you, urging you to go talk to him. "if gojo dares to even approach you, ill smash his empty head with my beer." you weaved through the crowd, getting closer to where choso and the others were setting up. "hey stink. haven't seen you in a while." you recalled the old nickname the bandmates gave you all those years ago.

"hi choso.. you wanted to talk?" he hummed, nodding, as his fingers adjusted the chords that were plugged into his guitar. "you still got that fender?" your heart stopped for a second. "great, lets meet up every Thursday, ill teach you and we'll let you into the band."

"you're serious?"

"yeah. confused why you didn't just ask me in person. had to hear it from your new boyfriend."

just as you felt your stress go away, any memories of gojo leave your mind, they came back immediately. "oh.. no no he's not my boyfriend." you explained. "ah, right. you still got my number?" he asked in which you shook your head. "nope, suguru made me delete any contacts that were of a guy."

a half chuckle half scoff escaped his lips. "course he did."

before you could discuss any more details, a voice behind you appeared. for the 100th time in the past month. "wow.. you're glowing."

gojo.

the sound of his voice sent shivers throughout your body. you turned to see him.. disheveled. the bags under his eyes gave away his lack of sleep. he looked miserable. still stupidly hot of course.

"what the hell do you want."

"I want to talk.."

bianca was running across the room, ready to jump on him. "get away from her asshole! you got ten seconds!" gojo looked down at her with a confused look before looking back at you. with a bit of hesitation, you agreed. "fine."

in a secluded area, the same spot where you had your "break up" you ordered him to talk. "I messed up. so fucking bad. I took the bet, yeah. thought I could.. woo you. but believe me when I said I had zero idea suguru was the ex you talked about."

"to me you weren't a bet baby. everything about you felt raw. you kept rejecting me and god, that made me want you even more."

you didn't speak, allowing him to finish letting out his emotions. "and I hated myself for liking you, for falling for you like a fucking idiot. because it meant it wasn't a bet anymore, it was love. and I hated how I took that bet. I hated your stupid hair, and the way you played guitar. I hated the music you listened to, your dorky smile. I hate the way your voice softens when you talk about the shit you like. I hate that I dont know every detail about you down to you favorite childhood movie. but.. I hate how I don't hate you at all. and I hate how I dont regret doing the bet at all, because otherwise, I wouldn't have met you."

his voice was raw. the emotions he had going on began to flowing down his cheeks. you began to remember why you fell for him in the first place because even though he was an entitled frat boy, he already had the key to your heart with the way he talked to you. "..you can't just fix this with recommending me to choso's band.."

"I know." he whispered.

"..and you lied to me." you continued, but at this point you were just playing with him.

"I did. but im not lying now. I stopped lying weeks ago."

"why?"

"because I fell in love with this really awesome girl."

you looked up at him for a while, taking in his apology and confession. there was no longer a frat boy in front of you, he was cracked open showing who he truly was. just a sweet boy who wanted your love.

just satoru.

"you love me?" you asked.

he nodded, rather quickly. "absolutely"

"..and if I dont love you back."

god, he'd kill himself. "then, that'd be fine too." he watched as you stepped closer. "if I asked you to stay away from me forever-"

"I will do that too." he promised.

"..but you wouldn't."

"I wouldn't." he placed his lips on yours, feeling as your arms wrapped around his neck as his found your waist, deepening the kiss.

"dont screw up again satoru."

"fuck, just kiss me."

and that you did.

ending a/n . hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing ! this was my first long fic.. never doing ts again.

[scarlettmurphy]

STARCROSSED PT2 +ੈ✩‧₊˚ LOGAN HOWLETT.

logan and y/n — where you are completely in love with a man older then you’re father by a good century or so.. whose completely in love with another.

- content warning age gap (is legal) drinking. explicit. swearing. dirty humour. comfort (an ounce). drugs. nsfw. sick. body issues. sh. angst.. maybe happy endings?! pairings: older!logan howlett x xaiver!reader. logan howlett x jean grey.

spoiler: insane yearning and angst i’m sorry im too far gone ☹️ happy ? where.

note this is part two to starcrossed, prepare for even heavier angst!🫶🏻 i didn’t realise how sad this was until i finished the chapter and realised holy shit this is long. part three is already in the works. i hope u enjoy it! make sure to read pt1. it’s a bit diff from the first one but i hope u like it still. also if you’ve seen the movie ten things i hate about u the mid bit of this might remind u of that one scene if u get me :) song: need you now by lady a cos i was listening to it and jeff buckley whilst reading this? also on the timeline im going for like xmen 2 time i think?

tags — @faceache111 @malfoys-demigod @navs-bhat @dilfismz @thisbipuff-isaswiftie @twinky-wink @thewiselionessss @thecraziestcrayon @awhoreforalotofshows @emily-b @jae48 @cxptainbuck @444st4rg1rl 🫶🏻

[i hope you like it!!]

you’d absolutely love to believe that what you heard last night wasn’t what happened but as your mind goes over the previous night as you fought yourself to stay awake during your fathers little class your brain couldn’t forget the continuous moans and little yells that you heard from a few rooms across from your own at the mansion for a good hour or two last night. you can’t help but figure out that logan most certainly found jean and just thinking about it made you feel sick. scott being the main thing on your brain after you got over the fact logan most definitely fucked jean last night.

she was a cheater. what else could you expect? your thoughts swirling in your brain causing an indescribable amount of heart ache as you kept yourself completely quiet and withdrawn from whatever was going on in this lesson, rogue clearly being able to tell you were off as she glanced at bobby giving him a look you picked up on — him shrugging his shoulders in return as you cursed your sadness for being so obvious.

just the thought of jean and logan staring at eachother hurt you but her touching him, his hands over her skin, her lips on his, his mind only on her in that moment and his gaze locked into hers as she let him take her yet again enraged you to another level it was a struggle not to jump into his mind and find out exactly what happened but you couldn’t, you wouldn’t. your brain fighting with your heart in every way as you felt sick with all those pictures of the scenario you were forming for yourself.

so from that knowledge as you sat in class you knew you needed to stop liking him for good. he didn’t like you, he was throwing it in your face. you heard it all and it hurt you too much to bare. you didn’t even wanna look at him — that single thought of contact sending you crazy. you couldn’t even bring yourself to see him today. you didn’t want too, you couldn’t. seeing jean as you passed through the kitchen earlier was enough to make you nearly cry and immediately stop that tiny breakfast you had made.

you really couldn’t deal with this. one bit. you never did well with emotional pain — physical was something you could endure, yet emotional was always something you couldn’t stomach ever since you were a little girl.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

you'd been avoiding him like the plague. literally. whenever you saw him at the end of the halls you'd turn the other away, force a little smile and act like you had somewhere to go if you were in conversation and it had been like that for two weeks. two weeks had passed since one of your normal conversations, the friendly chats you admired in your brain and made out to be more, the little touches he'd give you that you couldn't comprehend was only a friend thing to do, the way he'd hug you.. the deep conversations, the way he'd sometimes kiss your forehead before you left for bed, watching the rain together and just joking together all something you had put in the past. that had been gone for two weeks and to say it was breaking you would be an understatement.

you could tell others has noticed the practical borderline dissociation within you since you had been a little mute recently not that it was specially due to logan (it completely all was) but you didn't want it to be obvious, you hated that it could be perceived that way so you knew you had to do something about it. who knew heartache for one that didn't love you back could destroy you this badly from the inside out?

.. and today was no different on the logan front. you saw him once today in the halls ushering something to hank — the two in bustling conversation and you made sure not to risk it by going to class, to upset over it all to deal with another short horrible conversation where you were nothing but cold to him as you tried to cut down any romantic feelings you had for him. every time you spoke now you could see the confusion and frustration in his eyes, the mental image to much to bare as you went on hiding in your room and pondering and that’s where you had been since — buried in clothing choices as you tried to stomach down the anxiety that had been growing in you over the fact it was jeans birthday party today and you would have to make an appearance after you had been a hermit since you’d got your heart broken by a guy that didn’t even know. rogue and bobby being the only two people you had really spoke too since the shut down yet their concern had been growing annoying as rogue clearly told bobby about the little crush she could’ve guessed, and got out of you when the two of you were high together a few months ago, you had on logan. bobby actually giving you little options of guys you could date to get over someone which was all you needed to hear when you realised rogue had told him as he literally mentioned hank who they knew you recently hiked with since he had been bothering you over your melancholy, yet you had left before it was a full fledge little argument.

just the thought of having to socialise with him and the others and step out of the hole you’d built for yourself to hide in irritated you especially for jean of all people’s party, your ‘smidge’ of hatred for the woman who had really been rude to you since she’d known you not because of logan, because god on that front she wins and it feels like she’s married to him despite her ties to scott, but on the power front. she knew you had powers incomparable to hers that you hardly even showcased magneto being someone who taught you many things when you were younger, your own parents being raven and charles. of course you had powers which were indescribable.

and most of the time you wanted to use it on that bitch. you were lucky she couldn’t get into your twisted mind to find that fact out.

you let out a little sigh as you decided on the black mini skirt and sweater — you finally having an excuse for the fall outfit and lack of dress because it was october which has always been your favourite season and best time of year yet this year that didn’t apply because you haven’t been hardly able to enjoy it because of isolation you’d forced yourself into.

y/n had to swallow her own self pity down as she leaned over to her perfume bottle on the drawer next to her mirror as she took in the image of her body in the skirt. her shrinking body, a scoff leaving her lips as she wasn’t happy with what she saw in the reflection. she never could be. the aroma of the perfume not masking her feelings at all as she put on some dc martens paired with black tights. the perfect little outfit yet she was sure jean would be outshining her on that front. god she didn’t even wanna imagine logan’s eyes being locked onto jean tonight, the heart ache already unbearable to comprehend as she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat. that aching feeling hadn’t gone away since the start of knowing logan the way she did, maybe that was a sign from the people above about how destined it was.. or how not it was.

these muddled thoughts led her too some early drinking as if she wouldn’t be getting shitfaced later. pregaming alone which is a bit self pity full as she swallowed the burning liquor down her throat, the whiskey hitting her softly and slowly enough to give her the confidence to leave her room twenty minutes later for this party.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

the decorations were perfect, the present corner was overflowing and the students and people were everywhere. jean being clearly the popular girl from the looks of this party, as if y/n already didn’t know that, as the blasting music just made her more aware of the scenario she was in as she fought the urge to look around the room for logan as she went straight over to the bar that had been made. the party was the perfect one a girl, woman, could ask for and y/n could feel the jealously bubbling already that she bit down as she forced a friendly smile to join her lips.

walking through the dancing groups of people, there hardly even being any spaces to walk unless you wanted to bump into a coked up or insanely drunk teenager or wade. who she was lucky to get past without having to talk to yet, no matter how much she did like and enjoy his company she couldn’t deal with his jokes right now which she could guess who’d they’d be centered around, she knew he knew to some extent she was just lucky he hadn’t out rightly said it. that would be too much pity for her to deal with, that coming from wade being another level of pathetic.

the second she leant against the bar she managed to grab the busy barmaids attention giving her a soft nod and polite smile as she didn’t notice the figure beside her as she asked for a coke and vodka.

“thank god you’re showing your face — i thought i was going to have to clone you to get a good conversation.” hank rolled out his tipsiness showing as he pulled y/n into a tight hug when he was sat down on the stool. y/n letting out a low chuckle as she hugged him back nicely, his presence being a little surprise she tried not to seem so bothered about.

“hiya hank.” y/n said softly as the barmaid came over with her drink, placing it next to her. “thanks.” y/n nodded out as hank placed his hand on the stool next to him as she immediately grabbed it and took a swig.

“come! sit.” he ushered in with a drunken smile on his face, a bright one as usual, as he patted the bar stool next to him inviting her to sit and before y/n could even speak up in reply as she slid down on the stool hank bit in.

“where the hell have you been?” he abruptly said bluntly, putting a little look on his face off one that’s pissed off as y/n felt the guilt rush through her as she wrapped her fingers around the glass drowning her truth in the drink as she took a big sip off the liquor acting as if that didn’t taste appalling as she shrugged her shoulders at hanks obvious question which has an obvious answer to that she’d play off as a stupid claim if questioned about it.

“—i’ve been busy! controlling powers— small missions, and that.” y/n lied out.

hank furrowed his eyebrows at his words, giving her a knowing look before he shook his head swiftly at what she said. seeing right through her little lie he truly knew nothing much about what the truth was or not as he took a little sip of his beer.

“i know you but i’m not pushing it— rather you bite of logan’s heads rather then mine.” hank said out lowly as y/n’s eyebrows furrowed at his comment as a look of confusion spread over her face at the mention of him but before she could question hank on it she was met with two hands around her waist, pulling her tightly back purposely.

“hello pretty little liars, you’re aria?” wade said loudly into her ear his drunkenness obvious as y/n scoffed, him clearly stating that because her outfit choice as he squeezed her even tighter y/n’s eyes rolling as she elbowed him playfully back as his hands on her faltered as he playfully shoved her back.

“—elsa! you made it snow yet?” y/n said back to him as she was met with the sound of his laughter as he pulled on the stool next to y/n, making the guy who was sat on it mutter a curse before wade sent him a glare and then went speed walking away clearly a boy as young as fourteen or thirteen who just got the shit scared out him for, wade’s harsh look as he sqt down on the stool as he met y/n’s gaze.

“you know i have honey.” he nodded out with a smirk as hank leaned into the twos space.

“shots anyone?” hank rolled out, fixing his glasses as wade enthusiastically said a quick yes, y/n adding to the fire. “—very much needed.” y/n drove out as wade sent her a little look of knowing yet he held back the urge to call her out on it. he was being a ‘good’ friend in his eyes anyway, he didn’t wanna hear her say things about logan when he knew a few things himself on how the other party felt.

hank calling the barmaid over as wade pulled y/n’s stool closer to his that knowing look still present on his face as he played with the knowledge he had a bit just in a little playful way.

“you seen the birthday girl yet?..gave her a gift?” wade said sarcastically knowing the two didn’t really see eye to eye on a LOT of things as y/n gave him a little glare, him having been present for many of their little disagreements.

“luckily i haven’t, as i’ve brung nothing.” y/n rumbled back as wade nudged her playfully with her words as hank grabbed the tray of shots from the barmaid— y/n’s eyes widening once she saw how many shots he had ordered. “fifteen?” y/n broke out with a raised eyebrow as hank chuckled as he took one, downing it straight away before grabbing another as wade spoke up cockily.

“who’s pants are you trying to get into?” wade rolled out, his voice sly as he grabbed two for himself as y/n leaned over and took one ready to get shitfaced, maybe that’d stop her mind from falling back onto logan every other second her longing heart internally hating this situation more and more as she yearned to see him but she bit back the urge to even look around for him. halting that urge by taking a shot.

“preferably anyone with a pulse and no dick between their legs.” hank said right as y/n took another shot, her nearly choking on the burning liquid which was a horrible mix of vodka and god knows what.

“i can tuck.” wade said lowly as this made it worse, y/n nudging wade, shaking her head as she held back her laugh as she swallowed the shot she just took. “disgusting!” she rolled out as she took another, downing it before placing the shot down on the table.

“ah! sweeties jealous.” wade spoke up sarcastically with that all familiar cocky smile on his face with that teasing glint in his eyes as he handed another shot y/n’s way as she took it gracefully as they all cheersed their glasses together. that being just one of the about eight times they did that within the next thirty to sixty minutes as y/n bit back her thoughts with copious amounts of shots and soon enough they had gone through a good four or so tray off shots and a few drinks each.

every passing minute y/n felt her mind get closer and closer to the edge as every time she felt that aching feeling grow she’d swallow it back with another sip of liquor or large shot — wades jokes passing the time and hanks yapping and her own occasional drunken chime in making her mind a mess as hank got another row of shots.

the songs and wade and hank’s voices becoming a blur in y/n’s mind as she swallowed nothing but the truth with those shots. every sip feeling like more heartache she couldn’t stop having.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

y/n was practically stuck too the bar stool, her eyes scanning the crowd occasionally (by occasionally around five times if not more a minute) as she looked for him. her mind lingering on a certain someone as it always tended to do the liquor just amplifying those feelings as hank spoke up.

“you know— you look like your mum.”

his words caused y/n’s attention to snap over to hank as she raised an eyebrow, wade making a little ‘oo’ in the background even if he couldn’t help but agree with his comment as he sipped on the cocktail he had ordered a few drinks previously that had just been laying there on the side. the bartender making a fuck ton of profit from these three miserables.

“very dead?” y/n said sarcastically as hank gave her a little look — clearly a little annoyed she didn’t take the comment seriously as he leaned a little closer to her.

“beautiful you idiot.” hank added out, his words making her eyebrows furrow a bit as she took in his drunken words as she gave him a little a smile — swallowing the depreciating joke she was close to making as she took a sip of her drink.

“thank you hank.” y/n nodded out calmly as wade butted in.

“—fucking hell, incoming for angry jacob twilight wannabe.” wade cursed out as y/n’s gaze moved over wade following his eyes to where he was looking, her heart feeling as if it was flipping and twisting in her chest as she watched logan walk into the bar games room as she furrowed her eyebrows at the sight of jean following him angrily. her looking perfect as ever.

yet before y/n could think another thought she locked eyes with logan from across the room — their eyes meeting as she felt a weight lift immediately onto her as she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat at just the sight of him. it felt as if time has frozen just as they looked to each other , his eyes taking everything about her in as she did the same his way.

he practically immediately walked over, more like stomped over, as he seemed clearly agitated. more then usual as his eyes dawned onto wade and hank before resting back to y/n as he stopped in his tracks in front of the seated three.

“who thought getting a teenager shitfaced was a good idea?” logan nearly growled out, giving wade a glare as y/n’s eyes lingered back on jean who saw who he was talking to and turned away her being even more pissed then him, y/n holding the urge to go into her mind and find out why as she brung her gaze onto logan after seeing jean walk off somewhere else in the room, her patience clearly wearing thin. her wanting to make a little childish comment about how she wasn’t when wade spoke up.

“gods probably.” wade rolled out in reply as logan scoffed at what he said.

“y/n.” logan said, her eyes meeting his own as she took in his appearance. her eyes lingering on the chain that was wrapped around his neck — one he told her was something jean gave him when he first became an xmen, something he hasn’t worn in months, this fact only making her feel a number of horrible thoughts as she grabbed her drink and took a mean swig. swallowing her own building self pity as she forced a fake smile logan immediately knew to be fake.

“hi.” she said swiftly after she put her drink back down on the table — his eyebrow raising a little at her hostility as he looked to wade, hank the back to her.

“uh—“ logan spoke up, trying to find the words to say as he looked at her a bit lost for words at how she was acting as he swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat — feeling his frustration rise as he tried to control it, “where have you been?” he said lowly, hank raising his eyebrow at how this little conversation seemed weirdly tension filled. wade knew why, he could’ve called her little feelings for him back when she first met the guy but now he couldn’t help see how serious it was because off the way she was looking at him and how it was affecting her.

he couldn’t even brung himself to but in as he buried himself in his drink. hank doing the same.

“i’ve been busy. but i’ve been around— i saw you two days ago.” she said quickly, shifting in her seat a little as his eyes almost felt as if they burnt through her.

“you didn’t stay,” he said taking a pause as he looked at her, taking in just how intoxicated she seemed as he tried to analyse it, “like you uh- normally, do.”

his words touched a nerve on y/n as she felt that all familiar heart ache grow y/n trying to act as if the feeling inside her wasn’t killing her right now and ripping her to shreds as she kept her gaze on him, his eyes on her making her think and feel a number of things she hated.

“—had somewhere to be.” she replied quickly, his eyebrows raising at her bluntness to her reply as he knew something was off. he sensed it, the drunkness only adding to his worry as he went to step closer when he was cut off by a voice behind him.

y/n eyes dawned on the sight off jean, a tight silver dress on showcasing her curves as her red hair flowed down by her side as she looked at logan who hadn’t even brung himself to met her gaze yet. y/n immediately being hit with a truck load of insecurities just with a glance to the older women who had the only guy she’d ever loved wrapped around her finger.

y/n’s heart feeling as if it was stepped on as she kept her gaze on him — time feeling a little slow motion.

“logan—now.” jean said harshly.

“lo- logan.” she said again, y/n not leaving logan’s gaze as he swallowed his own spit as he eventually brung his gaze over to jean.

“logan— he knows.” she said harshly, her words a little quiet as they were clearly just meant for logan’s ears yet y/n heard them. “now! come on?” she questioned out frustratedly, saying that to grip his attention as logan looked to jean then back to y/n, wade and hank watching like it was a drama.

the air felt thick with some sort of something as y/n swallows, her eyes on him as he bit down on the inside of his cheek.

“be careful kid, remember to slow down.” he rolled out before he turned away with jean going right to her side as y/n scoffed as he walked off turning her attention back to the barmaid — not feeling logan’s eyes burning back to her as he took a long glance her way before disappearing off with jean into the party to sort whatever was happening.

y/n rolled her eyes the second she turned her attention back over to the bar as she looked down at the bar table, swallowing her thoughts down with the rest of her vodka as she felt the others eyes on her. they sensed on the tension — it was impossible not too.

“so they’re fucking again.” hank commented lowly and cluelessly. his words being like a gut punch to y/n as she bit down on her tongue as she called back over the barmaid, leaning over and ordering a couple shots as she sat back down in her seat.

“mm, most definitely.. hell for scott.” wade ushered out lowly, feeling a sense of guilt as he saw the way y/n’s eyes fell as y/n tried to mute out their conversation in the background as she welcomed the shots with open arms as she pulled the tray closer to her as she heard wade and hank whisper behind her as they leant over to gossip about the rumours of jean and scott being over as y/n’s heart felt as if it was plummeting and beating as fast as it ever had with every shot she took. the information she was hearing just making her internal pain grow worse as she tried to drink it away every shot seemingly enhancing her hurt as the metal images she were getting hurt her brain as she felt the urge to do something about it.

her mind full of relentless unlimited thoughts that were screaming at her as she placed the last empty shot glass she had down — the shots helping limit the voices to some extent as the barmaid came over and refilled them without another word most likely sensing her anguish as y/n nodded to her with as much of a smile she could muster up as she thought back to the conversation with logan.

“we’re going to dance— you coming?” wade spoke to y/n as that brung her out her gaze with the bottom of the shot glass as she shook her head, “no—thanks,” she slurred out as hank gave her a small nod and pat on the shoulder before they disappeared of into the crowd leaving her alone after saying their be right backs— her lips immediately around another glass as she finished the rest of the drinks thay were laid out in front-of her.

y/n either needed fresh air and a sick bucket or the man she loved and craved, and she was going with the latter. her desires only heightened which was making just about everything worse due to the mess the alcohol had started to cause her brain and body.

her heart pounding as she stood up, everything going messy and spin like as she stumbled through the crowd. her mind on one thing and one thing only, one person, as she got pushed around a bit by the dancing people as she made her way out the bar room she was in. her eyes searching the place as she looked for him in every corner, in every face, every person, every laugh, every grunt and every noise. she was searching for him like she had been doing within her heart ever since she’d know the man.

yet what she didn’t expect to see when she turned the corner was him right there. logan right there in his bubble of perfection as she saw it. her eyes taking him in as she saw him in the hallway — a smile joining her lips as she started to walk over to him planning what she was going to say in her brain. how she was going to do any of this? she didn’t even know what she had planned, she just wanted to speak to him. she needed to see his smile. she missed it. she wanted to make him laugh like usual, she wanted to kiss him, feel his touch. she needed it, it was destroying her to not have him. why was she ignoring him for the past two weeks? she should just tell him. nothing bad could hap—

“mine.” she swore she could make out logan saying, her eyebrows furrowing in pure confusion as she took one little step closer to where he was as her eyes dawned on a certain red head with a killer smirk on her lips as she had a tight grip on his chain.

and with that every thought she just had was crushed within the space of five or so seconds as she heard jean’s light hearted chuckle next, her voice grating against y/n’s mind as she swallowed her own spit back down as she made sure she couldn’t be seen by them. feeling the sick feeling rising in her as she watched logan’s hands wrap around jean’s waist as she pulled him closer to her in a teasing action that broke y/n’s heart in two.

she was frozen in her tracks, watching as the one she loved was with the one he loved.

“you’re mine.” ringing in her ears as she just made out what he had said to jean as his words sent a chill through y/n’s body as she felt the tears start to boil in her eyes as she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the scene. her mouth fallen gap as she watched as he roughly had her against the door jean’s hand going down to the handle of said door as y/n watched as jean pulled him in the room with her roughly.

the door slamming behind them as she felt her beating out her chest, her breath shaky and hitched as she swallowed.

and when she heard a little squeal come from the room over the music a few seconds or minutes later, she couldn’t tell how long had passed, that’s when she knew she needed to go before she turned into a public laughing stock as she turned on her heel — shakily making her way through the crowd again, unbeknownst to the tears dropping down her cheeks as she fought her way through the dancing crowd as she tried to get the hell out of here as she thought she was fighting back her emotions, yet she really wasn’t doing too good of a job with it.

“watch it!” someone yelled out over the music to y/n as she shuffled past them quickly, stumbling out and disappearing through the back door as she made her break for it. her heart feeling broken to an extreme it hadn’t felt before which was only amplified by the alcohol as she felt her brain chemistry formed for logan be destroyed within a matter of moments. seeing it in front of her own eyes being completely different from assuming it had happened.

the fact they were doing that right now she just couldn’t and didn’t want too comprehend it. it hurting her so much she felt as if she was going to be sick, she could feel it to the extremist point that when she managed her way to the end of the courtyard where her little spot was with her childhood swing set, where she’s surprised she even remembered the whereabouts off in this state, she couldn’t stop herself from leaning down into a bush shakily.

her mouth watering, her throat burning with liquid as y/n threw up into the bush her heart pounding ridiculously as she felt the tears burning against her cheek as she didn’t even notice the feeling off two strong hands holding her hair back. her body shaking as she kept being sick, feeling the acid burn her throat as she felt a strong hand round her hair pulling it into a ponytail and another hand around her fragile body to keep her up.

her body flinching a little at the touch as the person leaned a little closer as y/n was sick some more, “it’s okay—“ a low voice ushered out as y/n couldn’t help be sick again, leaning down closer into the bush nearly tripping into it as the person held her upright. their hand snacking onto her waist as y/n leaned back into their touch. basically tripping into it as she let out a shaky breath as she wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her top.

her eyes moving up onto an all familiar face and she instantly cursed in her brain as he managed to move her over to the swings, sitting her down in one of two seats as she clung to the chain of it leaning her body against it freely as she let out a little cry.

“you’re good.” scott said softly his voice low as he spoke into a comforting tone that didn’t completely soothe her as she felt the tears trail down her cheek as he kneeled down — his hands stabilising the swing that was rocking a little as he looked up at her making sure she was okay on the swing. the cold air hitting the twos faces as the moon shone down on the courtyard, the faint sound of pop music from the mansion being completely distant to both of them.

“scott.” she managed to say, him being able to tell how far gone she was by the way she slurred her words as if her crying and throwing up didn’t prove that enough. his eyes on her as he moved her hair out the way for her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as she held back a little sob which wasn’t held back that well as she let out a shaky whimper.

“w-why— doesn-t he love me?” she spoke out quickly, her breath shaky and her voice high pitched as she let out little sniffles in between words, the weight of those making a sad smile tug on scott’s lips as he kept his hand on her face trying to keep her upright which was sort of impossible as he kept his comforting warm hand against her face. just trying to make her feel okay.

“—he—“ scott cut himself off before he moved closer to her, trying to keep her calm, “he does love you okay?”

y/n shook her head at scott’s words as she let out a muffled sob against her wrist, shaking her head as scott wiped the tears from her cheeks. “not like i want him to.” she rolled out in a slur, scott feeling his heart beat quicken at her little admission as if he didn’t know how she felt over him before as he moved his finger across her cheek in a soft circular motion, his hand cupping her jaw.

“hey- he does okay?” scott said quickly as he moved her jaw down so she met his eyes again, his tone soft as he moved himself to the other swing next to her — the second he was sat him moving his swing closer to her own. tangling the chains of his swing up a little in doing so.

“he does.” scott added out again, y/n not believing him at all as she swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat as she leaned herself again the hand that was cupping her face as she nearly tumbled off the swing.

her biting down on her tongue as she let out a little squeal as scott placed his hand on her back supporting and holding her up as a little chuckle left her lips as she leaned forward a little. scott not letting his hand move as worry was evident on his face as y/n turned to him a sad smile on her lips, tears still evident on her face.

“i wish.” he heard her whisper as he swallowed, his own voice breaking a little, “come on. okay? he doesn’t know what he’s missing right now.— he doesnt see you liking him.” scott said softly, giving her a little playful nudge as y/n started to lose the energy to even speak off it as she felt another tear slip down her cheek.

his words were taking the weight off her shoulders as she moved in the swing a little, scott’s comforting hand on her back which was now sort off around her waist making her sure she wasn’t going to fall as she moved a tiny bit closer to him on her swing. their swings touching a little.

“you deserve better then jean-y bitch.” she managed out lowly, scott not being able to help the chuckle that escaped his lips at how she put it as he looked out at the mansion in front of them. the moon present in his red tinted glasses.

“yeah— i’m starting to realise that.” he chuckled out as y/n gave him a drunken smile in return as she locked eyes with scott. someone she’d hardly noticed was this nice mostly due to the words logan remarked about him all the time as her smile couldn’t help but grow as she looked at him. the air softening between the two as y/n felt tiredness fall over her as she leant against the chains a little as she slowly moved her gaze over to the moon.

a few moments of silence passes before scott spoke up.

“y/n?” scott managed out trying to grab her attention as he saw he eyes wondering a bit. his eyebrows furrowing when he heard no answer in return, her silence scaring him as he nudged her.

“y/n?” he quickly said out once again, nudging her a little as he saw how limp her body was and noticed her closed eyes.

“fuck— y/n.” he ushered out quickly as he stood from his seat and went right to her side as he kneeled down, tapping her face to try and catch her attention. y/n stirring a little at his action as he stood up, pulling her up with him as he placed his hand around her waist as he tried to shake her a little which did the job as her eyes fluttered open to meet his own.

a drunken smile joining on her lips as a tear dropped down her cheek that she didn’t even notice as she chuckled a little, leaning close to him as she swayed a little.

“scott.” she said lowly as scott gave her a low chucke as she placed her arm around him drunk on, him wiping the tear of her cheek softly something he’d done a number of times since being in her presence tonight.

“okay it’s time to go sleep— im taking you to bed.” he explained softly as y/n looked at him with a little furrowed brow as he started to walk, helping her walk alongside him her hardly even able to realise she was walking as she leaned against his touch.

“you’re good.” he said calmly to her as they walked through the dark courtyard, the illuminated by the moon field of grass between them and the bustling school /xmansion being the only light to guide them. his grip on her tightening softly when she nearly tripped over her own feet, a low chuckle escaping his lips as he realised just how long of a walk it was to the mansion. him sighing as he held her upright. “nearly there.” he muffled out as y/n leaned to him.

“—‘m gonna be sick.” she quickly flushed out before throwing her head over in the other direction as scott patted her back and stopped in his tracks at her words as she was sick again — him holding the urge got to be sick too because the smell as he focused on helping her. his heart skipping a beat bit as he felt his anger growing over logan putting her in this situation where she was so drunk she was being sick or the fact that she was being sick just thinking about logan it made his blood boil as he felt his jaw clench — his eyebrows twitching as he helped her get it all out, whispering little comforts as he soothed her back.

“good girl. “ he said lowly as y/n brung her gaze into him once more him giving her a small sad smile as he placed his hand back around her waist to guide her, “cmon, bed.” he whispered out to her as they started walking again. having to go through the party definitely going to be a difficult task as scott tightened his grip around her waist as they walked past a couple people hanging around the outside area of the building as the music met y/n’s ears as once they got into the building scott called for people to move out the way as he made y/n stay close to him. her eyes wondering over everyone in her drunken haze as scott helped her over to the staircase which was through a couple wide, filled rooms.

her swearing she came across wade and hank in the corner with two twins and colossus’s doing a certain something to wade, her eyebrows furrowing at what she believed to have just seen as she shook it off as she met scott’s words.

“you need to be carried or are you okay?” scott asked as if he was babying her which sent a wave of comfort through her body as she let the question hang in her brain as she tried to form answer to it as she leaned herself against scott.

“‘u—‘i can—“

“scarlett?” logan roughly called out in a raised voice towards scott as he came over out of nowhere. scott rolling his eyes as he quickly picked y/n up, y/n being in scott’s arms as her eyes fluttered open to see logan to the side of them. scott’s jaw immediately clenching as he continued up the stairs without cracking a word to logan as he rushed after the pair. his own anger frustratingly high as he tried to control himself and stop himself from doing anything stupid.

“scott?” logan said harshly, his anger growing as he didn’t get an answer as he tried to get the man to look at him.

“lo-“ y/n slipped out, her voice muffled as she leaned into scott’s arms more as he carried her bridal style up the stairs. her realising his presence, logan’s eyes casting onto y/n and then back to scott. his eyes darkening.

“what have you done to her?!” logan rushed out, his voice cracking with worry as scott ignored his words as he made it to the top of the stairs and continued on down to where he’s pretty sure her room is.

“scott!” logan shouted again trying to get his attention as scott opened the door with his back, giving logan a harsh glare as he walked right over to the bed where he placed y/n down carefully on it. her drunken self pouring the cover over her figure as she rolled over in bed. letting out a little muffled whimper as her head laid on the pillow.

the second scott having let go off y/n he immediately turned to logan scott not giving logan another chance to talk before he connected his fist with his jaw, logan been taken aback a little as he raised an eyebrow, scott looking right at him as logan pushed him back harshly.

“what the fuck did you do?” logan cursed out quickly, scott scoffing as he held back taking his glasses off because of the fact it was a party, not logan’s funeral even despite how much he wanted it to be.

“you should ask yourself that, prick.” scott said harshly. logan’s eyebrows raising at his words as scott pushed himself past logan without another word.

logan immediately grabbing scott’s arm harshly, his claws aching to come out as he met his gaze.

“what do you mean by that?” logan said quickly, his eyes locked onto scott’s as so many questions flowed his brain. his thoughts enlaced with y/n and the worry he had for the girl as scott harshly brung his hand back to his side after shaking logan’s grip off — giving logan a stern look as he looked him up and down judgementally, “god, you are so stupid. you’d think being born in the 19th century would make you slightly smarter then a twenty nine year old.” scott scoffed out lowly, his words only angering logan more as he shoved scott against the wall.

his claws extending as he pressed them close to his throat — his threat there as scott swallowed.

“tell me.” he said harshly as scott couldn’t help a certain look cross his face. completely frustrated by logan, his heart aching for jean in this moment as he stared at what she had clearly picked over himself that enraging him yet also y/n and what she had just gone through herself. the heart ache something he could relate too and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone. yet right now he would logan however.

“she saw you and jean you idiot. meaning i did too. meaning— fuck you.” scott said quickly as he clicked his visor getting the right aim, logan jumping back as scott lazered his chest. his beam going right through as a loud grunt escaped his lips as logan in immediate retaliation clawed scott in the side, scott pushing back the whimper threatening to leave his lips as logan as he got ready to take another shot at the man.

logan raising his eyebrow as the two stared eachother down, “i’ll heal,” logan rolled out his words only angering scott worse as he went to raise his glasses again as logan roughly placed his hand on his chest to stop him, his claws retracted back in.

“i wish you wouldn’t.” scott bit out harshly as logan scoffed at his words, keeping his anger limited as he rolled his eyes.

“jean only needed someone to talk too—“

“you mean fuck.” scott said out harshly, jean crossing logan’s mind as his jaw clenched his gaze darkening as he couldn’t bring himself to shake his head. not that he was thinking about scott’s feelings — right now his mind pondering on another.

scott saw how logan couldn’t even fight back with words — tutting as he pushed him back. logan’s hands falling to his side as the two didn’t break eye contact.

“you know we’re engaged.” scott spit out like venom, his words causing a look of surprise to wash over logan’s face as his mouth fell open, “well we were.” he added out.

“you were— what?” logan fumbled out, confusion written on his face as scott rolled his eyes at his reaction. not that he cared deep down, but it felt like he did right now.

“great.. she didn’t tell you. like she didn’t tell anyone,” he said lowly, “not that it makes it any better what you’ve done,” scott casted out as a few seconds finding passed as he tried to find the words which only come out anger filled, “she’s a caniving cheating bitch.” scott cursed out, logan not bringing himself to react to the words scott ushered about jean as he looked at scott.

logan was about to say something to scott when the sound of y/n’s soft little snores filled the room which made the tension even higher as scott and logan glared at eachother.

“maybe just think next time before you fuck someone else’s girl, again.” scott managed out as he pushed past logan to leave the room.

“i don’t think she’s your girl.” logan called back out before he left as scott’s jaw clenched at his words as he opened the door.

“not anymore. you can have her.” he said harshly as he paused as he knew he had to say something.

“—just think about how y/n feels, because i know hurts.” scott spoke lowly as he left without another word clearly implying a certain fact.

logans heart skipped a beat at his words as the door shut behind scott, his mind feeling as if it was in a war as the tension built in the room immediately. the air feeling thick as he swallowed his own spit not bringing himself to call something back to him as his words couldn’t even bring themselves to form right in his brain yet alone out loud.

his eyes dawned back onto the sleeping girl y/n laying there. looking so soft and innocent, completely sound asleep and his heart couldn’t help twang a little as he bit down on the inside of his cheek — many bustling thoughts cursing his brain as he wished he had never thought of them.

his mind lingering on the thought of jean and what just occurred within him and scott as he came down from the pain that was inflicted on him his chest rising rapidly to a more normal flow as he healed. as he focused his gaze on y/n as he furrowed his eyebrows over what scott had said, trying to wrap his brain around it.

logan’s eyes dawning on y/n. guilt seeping through him as he felt his heart gain that aching feeling y/n had been riddled with since the day she first realised she was in love with the man as he sat on the foot of the bed. his mind feeling melted as he placed his hand on her own his big, gruff and rough feeling hand taking the soft touch of her hand into his own grip. her hand being half if not less of his size as he soothed her. her touch being another level of comfort he didn’t recall experiencing since he was a young boy that feeling sending memories flooding through his brain he couldn’t focus on now.

feeling all the emotions boiling up he’d been fighting to push down as he looked down at her asleep body. what was all of this? she had been distant, almost rude and very cold and scott’s words were making that why question he had on his mind for the past two weeks clearer.

the implication of scott’s words hung in his mind as he looked at her. him eventually bringing himself over to the spare place next to her in the bed not wanting to leave her alone for the night too worried about how drunk she was and if anything could happen in the night.. or anyone else drunkily walking in. but he couldn’t help deep down in knowing that those were just excuses to stay within her presence. asleep or not.

carefully building a gap between the two of them as he laid down — no matter how strong the urge to hug her and comfort her was — as he let out a rough exhale as he closed his eyes.

only to open them three seconds later to look at her. his eyes not leaving her peacefully asleep body for the rest of the night.

[777heavengirl]

Jolene

James Potter x Reader One-shot ! warnings: childhood friends to lovers, jealousy, fluff, slight sirius x reader for the plot, raw dogging posting bc it has not been looked over by my beta reader whoops! word count: 5,311 masterlist notes: sorry i disappeared for like a week, i started classes— anyway this was born out of me listening to Jolene by Dolly Parton on repeat and realizing it is describing lily enjoy!

Lily Evans was a gorgeous woman. Her emerald green eyes and the milky skin clad in freckles were incomparable. Lily Evans was like the sun, her flaming auburn hair and the mere fact that she was one of the brightest witches in the castle. You knew this quite well, the shine of her hair, the glow of her smile, the softness of her skin. James would never let you forget it. How no one could compete with her. How her beauty was beyond compare.

Yet you couldn't hate her, not how she seemed to know the answer to every question, not how she stood up from the bed neighboring yours looking as radiant as ever, every morning. No, Lily Evans was sweet as honey and the best dormmate you could ask for. You couldn't bring to dislike her even when the man you were sickly in love with raved about her. 

James Potter was a beautiful man. His hazel eyes shined big and bright, the strong curves of his face, the curly black hair that bounced as he laughed, and his warm brown skin. James was the definition of sun-kissed. Your families had always been stuck together like glue, you spent your entire life attached at the hip, growing up next to him was a blessing and a curse. His never-ending joy at life, and the jokes that bounced off of his lips, were enough to turn anyone's day around. His smile was so bright you felt like you were staring at the sun itself. James was like the sun, you could never look at him directly, not for too long. As he grew girls threw themselves at his feet, he became a bit of an arrogant brat, but he always made it clear he only had eyes for one girl.

James Potter was in love with Lily Evans— the most perfect woman in the world.

You were such a fool. 

"Come off it," Lily laughed as she pushed James his body rocking to the side as he also giggled to himself. They had gotten closer the last couple of months, seemingly out of nowhere. You couldn't help but watch pathetically from the couch on the other side of the common room. You wondered what he was saying to her, his hand covering his mouth as he whispered in her ear. Her eyes shone with humor and joy, and so did his although a bit more mischievous, but that was just James. You couldn't help but clench your hands together, nails digging into your flesh.

"You should stop doing that dollface" Your eyes flickered back to Sirius, who leaned over from the back of the couch, his face awfully close to yours. You couldn't help but hold your breath. His nimble fingers took your hand, loosening your grip on it and massaging the half-moon marks on your hand. You went to turn away, Lily's laugh breaking the silence again and calling for your attention but Sirius turned your head towards him with a single finger, his eyes flickering back and forth between yours and something you couldn't see. "Just keep looking at me don't question it-" You could barely hear what he said, but his lips broke into a shit-eating grin, shiny teeth bared at you. And you couldn't help but laugh, slightly out of nervousness, but mostly because Sirius's antics were always ridiculous. Your laughter made his smile widen. 

He placed a small kiss on your temple and said thanks doll, as he let go of your hand and disappeared again. 

"He's ridiculous," Remus barely glanced from his parchment, his feather still grinding his essay away. The slight suspicion of what Sirius was up to crawled its way into Remus’s head as he watched the two of you interact, as he watched James's giggles stop from across the room, distracted.

”You’re not wrong there,” you frowned as you turned back to balancing your book and the essay you had been working on, on your lap. “I wonder what’s gotten into him”

Remus just chuckled without looking up. You didn’t hear Lily’s or James’s giggles again.

-

Sirius had started sitting next to you in every class, often replacing James, waving him off with a sit next to Moony, more often than not. This seemed to push James further into Lily's arms, as he sat next to her, she didn't seem to complain. You weren't loving it. Not that you disliked sitting with Sirius, he was more than competent, against all odds. But still.

 "May I ask what you're playing at Black?" your words were low as your charms professor droned on and on about something you hadn't really been paying attention to. 

"Whatever do you mean sweetheart?" He gave you his familiar toothy grin, eyes dancing with devilishness "Can I not sit next to my dear Y/N? One of the smartest, most beautiful witches our age?" you scrunched your nose, lips suppressing a smile at his antics. "Not to mention one of my best mates?"

"You know what I mean Sirius, you've been awfully touchy lately" His smile widened, and moved his face slightly closer to yours "Not to mention awfully close," this last part came out as a whisper. He really had been close, always a breath away, always pushing his face close to yours. Two nights ago he had smushed himself to read your book along with you, you had been practically cheek to cheek. 

Sirius had always been touchy, he was always resting on someone, sprawled on James’s bed, his legs across Peter’s on the couch, asleep on Remus’s shoulder. But this was a little out of character.

Sirius opened his mouth to speak but the large bell signaling you guys were done echoed through the castle. He broke into a grin again, and grabbed his stuff quickly, shoving papers and quills inside his bag unceremoniously.

“hurry up doll,” he muttered as moved to shove your stuff equally as clumsily into your bag and took a hold of your wrist, dragging you. You pushed by your friends, shooting a look of confusion toward Remus. He smiled at you with a wink, as he walked. 

Sirius finally stopped and you ran into him. 

"For Godric's sake, what is up with you?" You finally got him to let go of your wrist and he closed the door to the empty classroom he had shoved you in. "If this is you trying to seduce me— it definitely isn't working I think we gotta send you to a workshop,"

He snorted as he shook his head, "If anyone is going to a workshop on seducing it's you doll," you crossed your arms and huffed "I'm trying to help you out here-"

"With what Sirius?" 

"Making Prongs jealous duh" he looked at you like you were stupid, like it was the most obvious answer in the world. A small twinkle in his eye caught your eye, it was the type you saw when he was about to make something detonate. Maybe this time he wanted to explode your life.

"You're absolutely bonkers" You couldn't believe what he was saying, as if James would ever be jealous of anyone in respect to you.  

"You fancy him no?" He twirled his wand around, his grey eyes analyzing your facial expressions. You tried your hardest to keep a poker face, trying and failing to not let him see. Sirius had always been a very observant man.

"It's a lost cause, Sirius," you laughed dryly as you thought of it, "she has me beat"

He frowned, "who?"

"Lily, obviously, are you stupid?" he pulled at a piece of your hair at the insult "You've lived with James since we were 11, he's been utterly smitten with her ever since he met her what do you mean who?"

"I think you're the stupid one, they're just friends" You shook your head, a hand going to massage the bridge of your nose as you thought about what he was saying. "yuh huh, Prongs told me so himself"

"And you believed him?" you scoffed "he says he's over her every four months Sirius I didn't peg you as gullible" 

He pulled your hair again and you swatted his hand away. You thought about it, James has said the same thing before, how he's over her once and for all, I, James Potter will be over Lily Evans by the end of the week. It had never worked. Their whispers and their giggles, their closeness over the past couple of months were definitely not friendly. Maybe it was for her but for him? Not a chance.

"I really do think you have a chance with him," his tone was lower now, "I reckon he just needs the right push"

"Sirius even if she isn't into him, even if he didn't like Lily, the most perfect woman on the planet" he frowned "he would still never see me as anything more than what I already am to him," you stared straight into his eyes.

You had thought about it many times of course. You prayed and pleaded to the universe every year that Lily would never reciprocate James's feelings. The second you saw their newfound closeness you felt like dropping to your knees and begging her. Begging her to please Lily don't take him. Lily was a captivating woman, she could easily have her choice in men, and she did, but you felt like you could never love again. You knew it was a lost cause, you had heard her name muttered in his sleep, even when he was napping with his head on your lap. The first time it happened, you hadn't even noticed the tears on your cheeks, nor the ones welled up in your eyes. It had always been clear to you, how easily it would be for her to take him, he wasn't your man. She just had to say yes.

So you cried, time and time again, away from prying or worrying eyes. This was your secret to bear. 

You looked at Sirius again, shaking your head. Sirius could feel droplets of regret settle in his stomach as he saw the tears well up in your eyes. He had never seen you cry. 

“Fat chance Black”

-

James Potter thought the world of you. He knew he could not live without the curve of your face, the way you smiled at him as if you knew something he didn't. He felt like you could see his soul. You always said he smiled that way too. He wondered if this overlapping trait was a byproduct of a childhood spent together. A childhood spent glued at the hip, one of him being your knight in shining armor when you played, a childhood of sticks and stones that he never let your knees touch. His knees were covered in scrapes and scars that would never fade, but something deep within him never allowed him to let the same happen to you. James Potter could not live without you. He couldn't help but watch how Sirius draped himself over you, and how he hurried to sit next to you. He couldn't help but notice the whispers and the giggles. He couldn't, for everything that was sacred, ignore the closeness. And the fact that you let Sirius press his cheek to yours and whisper merely a breath apart. That part had made his stomach turn. 

It wasn't that the two of you weren't close. It was just that James had never seen you be close like that with anybody else. He had spent almost every day of his life by your side. Asleep with your cheeks pressed together, childish limbs all tangled up, you always woke up first and shoved him off the couch. He remembers when you used to hold his hand, his was always dirty with mud and grass, you never cared. You asked him to marry you when you were seven.

He promised you he would.

As you grew up, you continued with this closeness. You had slept in his bed more times than he could count, even at Hogwarts sometimes you'd climb into a corner of his bed. You'd always end up pressed against one another. You would still accidentally nap together on the couches at Potter Manor, or his head on your lap in the common room. And he could admit that Lily Evans had caught his attention, it had been an ongoing thin, and after certain revelations... Deep down he knew. 

It had always been you.

James could only stare after you as you set down the hallway with the black-haired boy. A pat on the shoulder from Remus was enough to ground him again. James thought of Sirius's hand around yours. 

"Where are they going-"

"Probably to snog in some empty classroom until they undoubtedly get caught," Peter spoke mindlessly as he struggled to untangle his sweater from his messenger bag. James stopped dead in his tracks. He hadn't thought about it. The possibility that the nearness between you and Sirius was something else, that you could be involved more intimately.

He thought of your lips, the soft plump lips that kissed his forehead. The ones that stretched into a smile every time you saw him, the ones that curled involuntarily when he said something stupid. The same ones that had kissed him in spin the bottle merely a year ago. He thought of those same lips kissing Sirius. 

He might throw up.

 James stared at Peter wide-eyed

"What? I thought we all assumed they had something going on" he shrugged as he finally separated the two items. "They're all close and disgusting everywhere— just like you and Lily-"

"There's nothing between me and Evans," Remus and Peter raised their eyebrows at the confession. 

"You're always together so I just assumed" Peter's words might as well have been a mumble to James, as he continued to think of you and his best friend. How long had this been going on? 

“Well there’s nothing”

-

You couldn’t help but think about what Sirius had said. He convinced you to let him do his thing, you don’t even have to do anything. But you couldn’t help but run laps around the thought of James being jealous. He didn’t seem upset with you having to kiss Remus during spin the bottle two months ago.

You thought back to the time you kissed. Your first, and most likely only, kiss with James Potter had been by the graces of an empty bottle of firewhiskey last year. You never failed to remember how he laughed after you kissed, a warm full-chested laugh, the kind he gets when he’s all riled up after outrunning Filch. The kind he gets when you set muggle fireworks in the forbidden forest and have to run away after lighting. You pushed him and he simply smiled widely, as if nothing had happened. It was a sharp contrast to the way he seemed to go all shy after Lily had to kiss him. His face seemed to go red and a small smile pulled at the corner of his lips. 

Yes, not at all alike.

You wondered if Lily thought about that kiss as much as James probably did. You couldn’t get the image out of your head, his lips on hers. The lips that pouted at you every time you told him no, the same lips that kissed the top of your head when he passed by behind you and you were too engrossed in your work or broke into a smile every time you saw him. The lips that in childhood had kissed your hand and called you princess. You thought of those lips, kissing Lily. 

Probably right now, it was 10 pm and she wasn’t in your dorm, her bed vacant next to yours.

“Why do you look so worried, sweets?” Marlene couldn’t help but notice the way you curled in your bed, the deep frown that had taken hold of your brows. She kneeled next to your bed and pushed the center of your eyebrows, “You’re bound to get wrinkles Y/N stop that”

”I don’t care Marls,” you unclenched your eyebrows nevertheless.

”What’s got you so down?” She leaned her head across her forearms on your bed, her short blonde hair looked windswept, her bottom lip jutting out into a pout. “is it Sirius?”

You moaned in frustration. Marlene Mckinnon was one of your closest friends. She was the first person you got close with at Hogwarts, her bed sat left to yours, she was your closest confidant. 

“There’s nothing between me and Sirius-“

”Potter seemed to disagree he wouldn’t stop bombarding Sirius with questions during dinner,” you had decided to hide out in your room instead of going down for dinner, Marlene had set a muffin on your nightstand when she entered.

”What did Sirius say?” you bit your lip

”He just told him it was none of his business— I thought Potter was going to burst a blood vessel right then and there” she laughed as she pushed her finger on your forehead again, smoothing out the frown lines.

”Sirius thinks I have a chance with James,” her mouth did an o “he wants to make him jealous but I think he’s full of rubbish” Marlene had known for a very long time about your futile crush on the boy, it was hard to be as close to someone like Marlene, someone so in tune with people’s feelings without her finding out. She always shot you sorry looks when you'd see him with Lily. You pretended to ignore them.

”I can’t believe I’m saying this but Black finally had a good idea”

You groaned into your pillow, your hands pulling slightly at your hair. “What sort of friends are you guys?” Your words were muffled by your pillow and she laughed again but patted your hair,

”Friends that want you to be happy-“

”Yea well this isn’t the way” your voice got louder and higher pitched, you felt like you'd suffocate on the pillow “I’ll be happy being her bridesmaid when they get married and have three kids and live in a cute little house, and I'll be godmother to their children and be happy that at least I didn’t explode one of my closest friendships because the two of you have lost a couple of screws!” you tried your best to push some humor through your voice, you might've been grasping at straws. 

”Who’s getting married?” Lily shot you a playful look from the doorway, you hadn’t heard her come in. You wanted to disappear into your sheets, you couldn’t even look at her right now. She groaned as she dropped her pile of books onto her bed.“Is Sirius giving you trouble? He seems so taken with you-“

You groaned as you buried your face into the pillow again, wanting nothing more than for the ground to swallow you. Marlene found the whole thing more than hilarious, her whole body shook as she laughed and she wiped her eyes of the wetness that had formed at the corners. 

“I’m going to kill him-“

”What? You guys have been so smitten lately I just thought-“ Lily’s face twisted in thought, nevertheless the edges of her lip curled upwards

”Nothing is going on between me and anybody,” You got up swiftly, a bad mood settling in your stomach like a pile of rocks. “I’ll just see you later-" You grabbed a sweater, that you were pretty sure was one of the boys, it would not help you hide in the darkness of the castle but hopefully it would provide some warmth. You bent down to take your shoes from beside the door and walked out without further comment. 

“Was it me?” 

“I fear it might’ve been Lils” 

- 

“Hush-“

”Don’t tell me to hush Moony— you’re stepping on my toes” Sirius whined in a whisper

”Prongs you need a bigger cloak” 

Sirius peered over James’s shoulder as the speckled boy opened the map, the footsteps at the end of the hall seemed to get nearer

“oh” James felt a swirl of emotions in his chest,

”Who is it Prongs-“ Peter barely managed to squeak out before James answered

”It’s just Y/N” the marauders huddled around the map now, watching the banner with your name circle the corner and float down the hall they were hiding in. “What d’you reckon she’s doing up-“

”Shhhh she’s getting close-“ They could see you now, James's brown sweater covering you, one of your shoes untying as you padded down the hall. Tears were in free flow now, they could see even through the darkness, the splotches on your face, and the tracks of tears down the curve of your face. You wiped them furiously with the edge of the jumper. 

Something inside James warmed, all he wanted to do was close the distance. He looked briefly at Sirius, whose eyebrows were furrowed in worry. Sirius always hated seeing people he cared about cry. James wondered if he had done something to you. If there truly was something between you and Sirius.

You had well passed them now, but the marauders could still hear your sniffles from down the hall. 

”Merlin-"

"hold the bag Moons" Sirius pushed the small bag of dung bombs onto Remus's arms and slipped out from under the cloak. Sirius couldn't help but smirk as James protested, whispering furiously to get back here.

Sirius started running then, to catch up with you, his light jogs and tall legs allowing him to catch up with you quickly. Your heart shot up as he got closer and you could hear him near you, quickly dying down when you turned to see the dark-haired boy behind you. Sirius hoped James could hear from here.

"Whatcha up to doll?" 

"Godric Sirius what is wrong with you-" you placed your hand on your chest, feeling like your heart might fall out of it at any moment. You decided not to question where he came from, you just hoped the rest of his group, and James were far away.

James couldn't help himself, he was desperate to know what the two of you were talking about. So he herded the other two down the hallway, enough of a distance that you wouldn't notice the shuffling, Sirius definitely did, but close enough that he could see you clearly. The soft, homely mess of your hair, the tired curve of your eyes. He knew you were nervous, the way you played with your fingers and rocked your body, your leg. He could hear your honeyed voice, your tone close enough to the one you'd mumble to him with when you were about to pass out in his bed.

"Many things actually, I fear it all boils down to my mother-"

"You're so utterly insufferable"

"Yet you love me,"

"Sadly, I guess I love you" James felt the knot tie in his throat at your words, he tried to recall when you had said those words to him. Sirius smiled at your words, his fingers pulling at a strand of your hair. "oi watch it—"

He hoped James was ready to blow a fuse. Actually, he knew he was.

"Marlene agrees with you by the way," You softly swung your foot, hitting his own rather softly "I suspect you've both lost it"

"Nah, great minds think alike doll, you just gotta believe in me" he got closer now, pulling you into a hug. "Will you tell me why tears were falling down your pretty face?" He slightly rocked you, his cheek smushed against the top of your head. Sirius naturally would've comforted you regardless, he hated nothing more than seeing his friends cry. But the thought of James watching and stewing in his unexplored jealousy made him giggle in his head. 

James's face was twisting in a way that was unfamiliar even to him. Bitter and negative feelings weren't exactly part of his repertoire.  Remus tried his best to stifle a laugh. 

"Lily just came in, while I was talking to Marls about the whole thing and I guess," you sighed loudly, looking up trying to make the newly formed tears that gathered in your eyes absorb back. James always thought you and Lily were pretty close, what could you possibly tell Marlene that you didn't feel well telling Lily? Why hadn't you told him? "I don't know Sirius I just lost it, she started talking about you and me and I lost it, I wanted to scream at her" James could feel his blood boil, Sirius had done something. He knew Sirius had. You buried your face in his chest again "My frustrations aren't her fault,"

"I know sweetheart, I'm sorry" Sirius continued patting your hair, he worried now, about what James could hear. He felt bad now, that he knew they were invading your privacy. "I feel guilty-"

"No Sirius it isn't your fault"

"I feel like I'm just opening up the wound, I don't want to give you false hope-" James felt like a teapot ready to explode with pressure.

He pulled the coat from over the three boys, revealing their presence in the hallway. You felt like you were going to drown in your shame.

"Sirius Black you're a bastard-" James closed the distance quickly, going straight for a tackle rather dramatically. Sirius pushed you away just in time. As the two boys wrestled on the floor, James continued to call him names, the idiot's and how dare you's flew unceremoniously. All Sirius could do was laugh

"I knew you'd do something to'er you good for nothing-" James was shaking him now, ignoring the fact that Sirius kept laughing, "I knew you'd make her cry-"

"James he didn't make me cry," your tears flowed down your cheeks again, you felt shame and embarrassment swim in your chest. You cried because you knew you had to come clean, Sirius wouldn't do it for you. There weren't many excuses he could come up with right now. You could feel yourself sweating cold, like the morning dew on leaves, embarrassment stuck to you.

You couldn't help but take a good hard look at him now. At James, who looked at you with his stupid hazel eyes the size of the sun, who clutched at his best friend's shirt collar. At his brother's, for you. How brashly he had swooped, sweet James who always came to your rescue, even when you didn't need it. When you were barely 7 and ran around his large yard, the rows of flowers and bushes his mother grew were gorgeous and they seemed the height of buildings, the thorns will cut you, I'll get you a flower Y/N. He had always been your knight, the shield of comfort where you hid from the rest of the world, the gentle solace to return to when life got too hard or people teased too intensely. Those people often woke up with apple-green hair thanks to him. 

James was the noblest man you knew, with a heart twice his height. 

You had fallen in love with him for this exact reason.

"It's you James" James felt like someone dropped him in the middle of the black lake. You shook your head, a sad smile carving your expression. 

"I made you cry?" he sounded 7 again, innocent and afraid that you'd be hurt. His voice was soft and traveled faintly through the otherwise quiet hallway. Remus and Peter seemed to be holding their breath.

"I love you," James dropped his grip on Sirius now, who hit his back painfully against the stone floor with a groan. All he could manage was to look at you, his weight still resting between Sirius and his knee on the floor. "but I know I can't compete with Lily and that's alright, I reckon one day it'll pass." 

You took his silence to heart, Remus couldn't help but shoot you a worried look, his brows furrowed the way they always did when he could tell your heart hurt like he could hear it clenching. You gave them one last smile, trying to wipe the sticky fingers of embarrassment from your being as you began to walk away, praying that nothing stood between you and the common room.

"You're an idiot Prongs-" Sirius pushed James off, and the brown-haired boy rolled to the floor, his back against the cool stone as he thought of you. 

”She loves me-“

”We all heard her,” 

“Shut up Moony-“

”Well she doesn’t know does she-“ The boys looked at Peter like he had grown a second head. “That you love her.”

James groaned from the ground the skin of his cheeks feeling hot.

“I reckon you oughta go after her” Peter said as he put the map in his back pocket, the three boys stood around to James looking at him from at ground. 

James buried his face in his hands. You seemed so defeated, so sad that you loved him. How could that ever be a sad thing? 

“In a surprising turn of events Wormtail’s right, move it Prongs-“ Sirius kicked James in the thigh, causing the boy on the floor to jump into action. He stumbled up, looking comically disheveled. He opened his mouth to speak to which Remus told him to Just go!

So James ran, he ran through the hallways so fast he thought he’d start levitating. It wasn’t hard for him, to catch up, not with the length of his legs or the pace he had set, in fact, he found you fairly quickly, yelling your name down the hall. You yelped as he skirted to a stop right into your arms, colliding with you with little force.

”You’re going to get us caught it’s after hours already-“ 

“I don’t care-“ he pulled you closer to his chest, his arms completely around you now “I had to tell you, and truly that’s just the thing I don’t care whether it’s morning or the middle night or truly any other time of day hell it could be in the middle of Charms-“

“you’re not making sense James-“

”Oh, right” He took a deep breath, but the silence lingered, his hand now skirting around the hair that framed your face, almost touching but not quite. His face was so close to yours that you could see the flecks of a light brown in the underlayers of his irises. “I just meant to say— to tell you that, well I love you too”

”I thought you and Lily-“ He got closer, if it was even possible, his lips ghosting over yours now, waiting for you. His hand remained steady at the edge of your jaw. 

“Enough about Evans yea?” you closed the distance, his lips had felt like a magnet pulling you in.

Kissing James felt different than kissing any other boy. It even felt different than the first time you kissed. This was sweeter, this wasn't under the scrutinizing gaze of your friends or the excuse of an empty bottle. This was intimate and filled with want, his soft plump lips seemed to fit perfectly with yours. The grip of your waist tightened and brought you closer to him as his kiss turned hungrier, and your hands traveled from his chest to his unruly locks of hair.

You finally parted with a sigh, a happy one you felt like. Satisfied.

He pressed his forehead against you humming in content. 

"I'm confused-"

"Lily and I are just friends now, she's not exactly into me, is she? Or men in general I reckon but regardless" He looked into your eyes, his hands now cupping your face and adoration pouring from his gaze. "It's always been you, I love you"

"I love you too, you twat-"

this took me to long to cook up @prongsprincessworld :D

hope u all like it!!

[jjscrybaby]

could i request a jj fic where hes dating pogue reader! and have been for a long time (kind of a plot change of jj not being a player as if jj’s been with y/n since like 8th grade)

maybe they’re doing a bunch of treasure hunt things and jj says smth along the lines of finally something new and exciting in my life which makes the reader a little insecure

but as they’re all doing treasure hunt things and meeting sarah and everything’s new and changing snd group forgets it’s the readers bday and she gets upset with everyone after but john b lowkey becomes a dick and is like ok sorry but the gold

y/n and jj get into a fight about him not defending her immediately and they ignore each other after but maybe she gets hurt on the next adventure and jj saves her and it’s a happy ending?

sorry if it’s long 😭😭😭 just a lot of angst and fluff please

forgotten

warnings: angsty, mean!pogues, jj not being a good boyfriend, car accident.

a/n: this isn’t exactly canon because I’ve had to switch some events around but it was the best i could do at 3am. hope you enjoy <3 looking at this the next day i hate it🥲but i can’t come up with anything else.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊ ˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊ ˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊ ˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊

John B had been your friend for years. You met JJ in the eighth grade, and within a few weeks you were dating, surprisingly it wasn’t just a childhood crush and you were still together now. You’d met John B because of JJ, the two of them were a dynamic duo, so when his father went missing you felt the ache in your chest; you wanted to be there for your friend. What you didn’t realise was that nine months later the entire world would feel like it was crashing down on you.

A treasure hunt. Of course Big John had set up a treasure hunt during his final days, he’d always been a little wacky. You had homework, you had work, you couldn’t be there every time like the rest of them; you weren’t sure how they managed but they did. You missed out on so much of it that at times it felt like you weren’t even apart of it, they stopped inviting you because they figured you wouldn’t be free. Even last week JJ had made a comment about how exciting things had been recently, were you not exciting enough for him anymore?

Your final straw came on your birthday. You made your way over to the Chateau after breakfast with your parents, like you had done every year since you were thirteen. You hadn’t had any texts, there weren’t any Instagram posts from your friends, but you just figured they were going to do that all later. You walked inside, kicking your shoes off as you found everyone else lounging around on the porch; new addition Sarah Cameron included.

“Hey, baby,” JJ greeted, barely looking at you as he carried on his conversation with John B — something about the damn treasure hunt.

You blinked in surprise, looking around at your friends. Not one of them looked back at you, not even a smile in greeting, definitely no ‘happy birthday’s’. “Guys, that’s not funny,” you said, sitting down in the empty seat beside your boyfriend.

“Huh?” Kiara asked, looking up at you.

“I said… it’s not funny,” you murmured. They looked confused, like they didn’t have a clue what you were talking about, like they’d really forgotten.

“What’s not funny?” Pope questioned, eyebrows furrowing.

“Oh shit, you’re serious,” you whispered. You looked to JJ and John B — your boyfriend and your longest friend — they have to remember.

“Serious about what, dude? We thought you were workin’ today, we were about to head out,” John B explained, scratching at the back of his neck.

“Head out to do what?” John B had always been a terrible secret keeper, if they were playing a prank on you then he’d be the first to break.

“Found another lead for the gold,” he said with a smile. All he’s cared about for the last few weeks is the gold, all anyones cared about really. You’re sick of it.

“JJ?” You whispered, turning to him with a look of heartbreak in your eyes. He’d fold at that look, he could never manage to prank you for long; you were a sensitive soul.

“What’s the matter?” He worried, reaching forward to cup your face in his hands. You flinched away like he’d tried to hit you. “Babe, what the fucks goin’ on?”

“Do you know something?” John B stared at you eagerly, like you were about to tell him that yes, you were upset because you’d found a lead in the case.

“I know that my friends are all assholes!” You exclaimed, jumping up from the seat.

“Uh, rude,” Pope muttered.

“What’d we do?” Kiara asked, pulling a face of annoyance at you.

“It’s my birthday,” you cried out, tears now running down your cheeks.

You watched as everyone’s face fell, including Sarah’s who you didn’t even expect to know when your birthday was. JJ opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Kiara buried her face in her hands, probably embarrassed with herself. Pope’s cheek had a red hint, he didn’t like disappointing his friends. It was John B’s reaction that made you want to throw up.

“Happy birthday,” he shrugged, going back to looking at some notebook in his lap.

“That’s it? Happy birthday? You’re not even going to apologise?” You scoffed, looking at him as if he was a stranger instead of your best friend.

“Look, I’m sorry that we forgot but there’s been a lot going on at the moment. This is just, kind of really important. It’s about my dad, y’know?” He said, not a twinge of guilt in his voice.

You looked to JJ. There was no way he’d let John B talk to you like that. Your blonde boyfriend gave you a guilty smile and a little shrug, you felt your heart crack in your chest.

“Fuck you guys,” you muttered, turning around and walking back into the house.

“Seriously?” John B exclaimed.

“Chill,” JJ hissed. You were putting your shoes on when he followed you inside, closing the porch door for some privacy. “You didn’t need to be rude.”

“And you could’ve defended me,” you sniffled, tying your laces.

You didn’t necessarily care that they’d forgotten, if they’d all apologised and tried to make you feel special you would’ve been over it in minutes. But that’s not what they did. Instead, you were made to feel small and unimportant; because all that matters now is the gold.

“You know how he is at the moment, there’s no point in arguing with him,” JJ argued, crossing his arms over his chest.

“But you can argue with me just fine?” You questioned, standing back up. “I’m happy that you’ve all find some excitement in your lives, but I can’t help the fact I feel a little left behind.”

His face scrunched up, before a look of realisation crossed over it. “Babe, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I was just sayin’ that it’s cool that we’re doing this, that’s all.”

“Yeah, you’re doing it. You don’t even ask if I want to come anymore!” You exclaim, tears stinging your eyes.

“Because you’re busy and I don’t want to make you feel like you have to choose. Don’t put that on me,” he retaliated.

“You forgot my birthday, JJ. It’s the fucking passcode to your phone, how do you forget that?” You cried out, rubbing your eyes harshly to try and stop the tears.

“I’ve been distracted, baby. I— I didn’t mean to upset you, okay? Would you just come back out here and stop being so dramatic,” he huffed.

Just when you thought you couldn’t feel any worse.

“I’m going home,” you muttered, turning away to open the front door.

“Seriously? Gonna go spend your birthday alone in your bedroom? We apologised, we’ve been busy, get over it,” he snapped. Sometimes when JJ was overwhelmed with guilt he’d make it feel like it was your fault, you knew that, he’d done it plenty of times before, but this one really hurt.

“Call me when you’ve got your head out of John B’s ass.” And with that, you slammed the door shut.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊ ˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊ ˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊ ˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊

You didn’t see the Pogues for a few days, but soon enough Kiara was showing up outside your house with a present and a thousand apologises. That was all you’d wanted; to feel at least a little bit of love. She dragged you along to the Chateau, where Pope and even Sarah said sorry to you. John B did it in his own way, giving you a new bracelet and a kiss on the head. JJ didn’t say a word.

Arguments with JJ always went like this. You were both too stubborn for your own good and neither of you wanted to be the one to break first. You’d had arguments over nothing that had lasted days because you didn’t want to apologise. But this time it wasn’t over nothing, it was over you feeling hurt and it was his turn to man up and say sorry.

You were on the way to follow another lead. It didn’t bother you as much, not now that you actually were starting to feel involved. You knew at some point someone was gonna get hurt during this, but you’d figured it would be from something dangerous. Not because John B lost control of the van and slammed into a tree.

Your ears were ringing, the world around you was spinning as you reached up to grip your head. It had flung to the side and smacked into the window. Hands were on you, but you couldn’t work out who’s they were.

“Hey, hey, fuck, John B! What the fuck is wrong with you!” You snapped out of your trance from the yelling, eyes widening as JJ came into focus; tears in his eyes. “C’mon, baby, you’re okay. Look at me, you’re okay.”

“Mhm,” you groaned.

“Don’t touch it,” JJ murmured, grabbing your hand just before you could feel the wound. “Just a bit of blood, gonna get you to the hospital. You’re okay, you’ll be okay, please be okay.”

John B was in the back now, handing JJ his bandana to hold over your wound whilst Kiara called for an ambulance. It seemed everyone else had got away with just some scrapes and bruises. “I’m so sorry,” John B apologised.

“Who gave you a license?” You asked, making him smile weakly.

“I don’t know, I’m giving it back,” he replied, stroking your hair.

The ambulance arrived and gave you a checkup there and then, they stitched up your head and came to the conclusion that you had a concussion. JJ sat with you the whole time, gripping onto your hand like he was the one in pain. By the time you got back to the Chateau the sun had set and you were exhausted, the pain now just a dull ache from the painkillers you’d been given.

“What’d you need?” JJ murmured as you laid down on his bed, already closing your eyes.

“For you to punch John B in the nose,” you grumbled, making him chuckle as he sat down beside you; hand resting on your back.

“Happily.”

“Kidding. He feels guilty enough.” You’d seen John B cry maybe five times in your years of friendship, today was one of those days. If you weren’t in so much pain you would have taken a picture.

“I’m really sorry,” JJ blurted out.

“Why? Did you take the wheel?” You honestly couldn’t remember, there was a chance he had.

“Not about today, about… about your birthday.” His voice cracked, tears brimming his eyes. “I can’t believe I forgot, and trust me I’m never gonna forgive myself for it. I’ve just been tryin’ to be the best friend I can be for John B, I don’t know how to help him, y’know? But… you’re my priority, always will be, and I’m sorry if I made you think that you weren’t.”

“I don’t care that you forgot my birthday, JJ. I care that you didn’t even apologise. Basically just told me to get over it,” you sighed.

“I know, fuck, baby, I know. I messed up so bad, I just felt so fuckin’ awful and I went on the defence. I’m sorry, please, I’ll never put anyone before you again. I thought I lost you for a second today and I know I can’t live without you,” he pleaded, cupping your face gently in his hands.

“Calm down,” you murmured, taking his hand in yours as you watched him work himself up. “I’m not breaking up with you, JJ. I just need you to work on apologising when you do something wrong.”

“I will, I will,” he promised, leaning down to kiss your cheek repeatedly. “Your present is at my place, and when you’re feelin’ better we’ll go and celebrate properly. Maybe a weekend away to the Mainland? I was savin’ up for it anyway.”

“As long as you don’t mention the gold,” you tease, making him chuckle quietly.

“Scouts honour, no mentioning of gold or anything else that’ll make you have anything but a perfect birthday-redo,” he reassured, pecking your lips.

“Can’t wait,” you smiled weakly.

“You think you’ll ever get in the car with John B again?” He murmured, lying down beside you.

“Not if you offered me all the money in the world.”

[miley1442111]

Heyyyy are you still requests?? If yes..................

Last night i relived a painful memory when a loved person told me to shut up in front of our friend group and it was so humiliating and overwhelming, i went dead silent for the rest of the month but still played cool with everyone and everyone knew i was destroyed, wasnt leaving home that much yet and the person who told me to shut up was going trough some shit (ON THAT DAY) and actually never apologized...

SO SORRY FOR THE VENT BUT IT WAS NECESSARY FOR THE PLOT I SWEAR.

What if the reader is the one being told to shut up by none other than RAFE CAMERON who is a very close friend and he told the reader to shut up out loud in the middle of a party in front of your friend group (Kelce and Topper) and the reader also play it cool but it collapse at themself like a dying star and all their light is sucked by the black hole it became. But unlike real life, Rafe doesnt need people telling him he fucked up and he felt terrible and a few weeks later he sees reader on a party, unusually quiet, being dragged by their friends around trying to cheer reader up and the reader still trying to play it cool but the damage was showing and maybe Rafe take the chance to approach you but he doesnt know what to say or what to do so he acts like nothing happened?? IM SORRY THIS IS SO CONFUNSING I JUST WOKE UP AND I HAD TO WRITE THAT BEFORE THE MEMORY FADED. Sorry if i made you feel uncomfortable, just ignore it if you didn like ittt!! I love your writting btw i'll never forget that one ask i did and you answered about Rafe choosing between reader and a lover!!!!

and ask 2:

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talking too much- r.cameron

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a/n: HELLO to the both of you! thank you two so much for requesting, and very sorry that this happened to you :( I'd let you talk my ear off about anything any time :) (ps, great song choice)

pairing: rafe cameron x fem! reader

summary: i suggest you look at the requests

warnings: reader kind of loses her spark, rafe is a confused and stressed asshole, reader becomes very insecure, feelings of not being good enough, rafe gets very stressed at the end (i think that's it?)

not entirely proofread

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It was finally nearing the end of June and you were planning your 4th of July party with your friends. Topper, Kelce, Rafe, you, Sarah, and a few of your other friends sat around the table, thinking up ideas for what parties to drop into, and what you were going to wear, etc. You were excited, that was no crime. You’d always been the most excitable in the group, it was just part of your bubbly personality, there was no issue with it. No one had ever been more than a little irritated with it before, no big deal. You’d just apologise and remember to tone it down for those people, but your closest friends weren’t those people. Your closest friends liked your personality, your closest friends liked you. It didn’t matter how loud you were. 

“And then I guess we’ll-”

“God, do you ever shut the fuck up?” Rafe cursed.

The room went silent. You stood still, frozen as people’s eyes turned to you. Sarah offered a look of sympathy, she knew how much you valued Rafe’s opinion, especially since you had a slight crush on him. You felt yourself recoil. How could he be so rude? All you were doing was giving ideas to the group, it’s not like anyone else was trying to speak much, and Rafe definitely wasn’t adding to the conversation. At least, he hadn’t been for the past hour, just sitting in the corner with his leg bouncing and that stupid vein protruding from his stupid neck. You slumped back in your chair, embarrassment filling your mind as you thought over every other interaction with him and the group. Were you annoying? Did they all actually hate you? 

“I don’t hear you talking much Rafe,” Sarah shot back. “Something to say?”

Rafe rolled his eyes. “Fuck off Sarah,” he scoffed and waited for you to bounce back and start speaking again. You didn’t. He looked up as the group started speaking again, going off of all the plans you’d started. You were just sitting there, on your phone. 

You just waited until someone actually asked you a question to give your input, and even then all you said was; “Sounds good.”

He’d fucked up. Big time. 

------------------

It had been a week since ‘the incident’, and Rafe hadn’t seen you. He felt awful, absolutely disgraced after what he’d said. He was stressed, it was a bad moment, and he took it out on you. He was sorry. But how was he supposed to tell you that? How was he supposed to explain how sorry he was, explain that he was just stressed? How would you believe him? You two had never been the closest in the friend group, not to say you two didn’t speak, but you two weren’t exactly attached at the hip like you were with Sarah, or Kelce. All you’d ever been to him was nice, not something he was sure he deserved, but he appreciated it all the same. 

How could he get back to that?

------------------

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” Sarah begged over the phone. 

“I’m tired, I was working all day-”

“Come on, you’ve been dodging all week! 4th of July is coming up, I don’t want to hang out with Kelce and Top without you,” she whined, 

“I’ll be there for the 4th, I’m just busy right now,” you sighed. “I promise I’m ok,” you lied. 

“If you’re staying home because of what Rafe said, I’ll kill him,” she swore. 

“I don’t give a shit about what Rafe said,” lie. “I’m just busy, promise.”

Sarah sighed. “Alright, see you on the 4th!”

And with that, you hung up. The last week had been one long pity-party that made you feel even worse about yourself, deciding that your friends were better off without you, especially when you can’t even bounce back from one tiny insignificant comment from one random guy. That’s what you thought anyway. But now, you had 3 days before the 4th, and you weren’t sure how you were going to get the courage to face any of them. 

Not that they hadn’t reached out. Everyone who was there (aside from Rafe) had called or texted to ask if you were ok, and apologised for not saying anything. Kelce had felt the worst, since he was supposed to be your best friend, and he hadn’t said anything. You brushed them off, promising them it was fine, promising them you were fine. They barely believed you, but you somehow convinced them that you were busy. You told half of them that you were packing for your move, and the other half that you had gotten a job at your mom’s company. I mean, technically you were a few weeks out from moving away and you should be packing, and technically you did just get a job at your moms’ company (managing the online presence and doing admin work), but really both those jobs were easy. You could’ve done them for a few hours, then seen your friends. But you didn't want to. You didn’t want to feel like a burden. 

------------------

The day of the 4th rolled around and Sarah picked you up with all the girls in the group in her car. You looked gorgeous in your short red dress, at least that’s what Sarah told you. You kept your mouth shut as the girls gossiped and sang along to songs, only interjecting when truly necessary. When you got to the beach, you managed to break away from the girls and get a drink, standing alone as you watched the night go by. You liked people watching, you found it interesting to see the small micro-expressions on peoples faces, the snippets of their conversations, and everything in between. 

“Hi,” Rafe smiled softly. He was in front of you, blocking your view of the people you were looking at. 

“Hi,” you answered meekly. 

He stood there for a moment as you tried to look over his shoulder, but the group were gone. You sighed in defeat and turned around to pour yourself another drink. 

“How are you?” he asked. 

“Fine thanks,” you answered. “You?”

“Good, fine… yeah,” the awkwardness in his voice almost made you physically cringe. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“It’s been like a week?” you questioned. In the past week, Rafe had realised how much he missed you, and how much you added to the group. He missed how you brightened up everyone, how you kept the peace by being close with almost everyone, how you made him laugh. 

“What have you been up to?” He scratched the back of his neck, his nerves almost getting the better of him, almost making him turn around and not do this. Almost.

“Not much. Working, packing, usual stuff,” you shrugged. 

Rafe’s expression faltered. “Packing?”

“I’m moving in a few weeks,” you explained. “So you won't see me for a while.”

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. 

Absolutely not. 

Rafe felt his stomach sink. “Why?”

“‘Why’ what Rafe?” you asked, genuinely confused. Why, out of all people, would he care?

“Where?”

“Just main-land, but a bit further into the city so I’m moving schools,” you shrugged.

“But it’s our senior year?”

“Yeah? And?”

“We all said we’d do it together, remember?”

“It wasn’t my choice to move,” you scoffed. “And also, why are you acting like this is new information? Tonight is my ‘last hurrah’ get-together. We’re doing the stupid sleepover.”

“W-what?”

“We didn’t invite you,” Sarah butted in. “You were a dick, now you reap the consequences.”

You rolled your eyes at the shocked look on Rafe’s face. “Night Rafe, see you around.”

Rafe stood frozen as you walked away, shocked. Had he really not been listening for so long? Had he really missed that? You were moving, you were gone. And there was nothing he could do about it. 

------------------

obx masterlist :)

navigation for my blog :) (criminal minds, obx, the bear, marvel, top gun, the hunger games, challengers :)

[baby-yongbok]

The Wolves

Boyfriend!Seo Changbin x Afab!Reader

♡ Genre - Explicit (non-idol) - Bad boy!Changbin ♡ WC: 3.2k ♡ CW: Public sex, Marijuana usage, Binnie gets ✨confrontational✨

♡ Summary: Your Changbin's girl, everyone knows that. You're off limits but sometimes the wolves forget that and the two of you have no problem reminding them.

♡ A/N: When I saw these pictures I knew that I'd end up writing to them. I was right. This was something quick that I wrote in a day and saved to be apart of my Binnie Birthday Week! I hope you enjoy + reader is depicted as chubby/plus size and is a POC ♡

✧ Masterlist ✧

  You and Changbin don’t match, that’s been clear since earlier in the night when some of his friends that you never met gave you narrow confused glances as you walked in with him. He’s mean looking and clad in leather while you’re donning a small smile with a knee length sundress that your boyfriend gifted you earlier in the week. 

The friends that you’ve already met know that as odd as the visuals may be the energy between you two is an undeniable match. It just seems to be off putting to those who haven’t seen you two together before. 

“Thought you weren’t coming.” His friend, who you think is named Chris, greets your boyfriend with that complicated handshake that they made up. Changbin tried to teach it to you once but you just can’t do it. “Is this the girlfriend that I’ve heard so much about?” 

You smile over at Chris, giving him a small wave. He gives you a once over, ending with a grin before looking back at Changbin who’s glaring at him. “Behave yourself or no one here will ever see you again.” You giggle at the threat and Chris throws his hands up in surrender. 

“She’s cute that’s all.” Chris looks over at you. “You’re cute, but I’m gonna go so your rottweiler of a boyfriend doesn’t maul me.” 

“Hate that guy.” Changbin mumbles with a crooked smile and you smile back. It’s clear that he doesn’t but you play along anyway. “He seems terrible.” You both laugh as you move further into the group.

 It’s a small and scattered get-together. People are drinking, smoking and everything in between. You’re one of the few girls in the group and you stick out like a sore thumb which earns you a lot of looks from some of Changbin’s friends you know and some that he’s told you to stay away from. 

The two of you are sharing a blunt when Chris pops back up and sits next to Changbin. He leans in and whispers something that turns your boyfriend's face sour on his exhale. You’re pressed against his side so you can see it all as you take another drag of the joint. 

His eyes wander across the room and over to a group of guys that you know he doesn’t like. You call them the wolves. From what you’ve heard there have been a couple of fights between him and the one staring back in this direction. The one staring at you. 

Chris pats Changbin’s shoulder and smiles over at you before retreating back to his spot with the freckled blonde across from you. 

“Binnie?” He hums but his eyes stay on the man across the room. “What’s the matter?” 

Your speech is slower than usual, a clear indication that you’re on the road to being high outta your mind. Whatever Jisung put in that blunt is definitely some serious shit. “Nothing, bunny.”

He pulls his gaze away, looking over at you with mean eyes. You know that look, that’s the look he gets when he’s feeling possessive. “C’mere.” 

He takes a deep drag of the blunt and you sit up to lean into him. He grabs your jaw lightly and you fall into place, following his gentle lead. He blows the smoke into your mouth and you inhale every bit that you can. Once he’s completed his exhale his lips crash to yours. He kisses you hard and rough, keeping one hand softly on your jaw and the other grabs your waist to pull you closer. 

You exhale the smoke through your nose, the hand that isn’t supporting your weight against the battered sofa is rubbing across Changbin’s lap and over his soft bulge. You know that he’s trying to send a message and you have no problem playing along. 

He breaks the kiss, pulling away a bit to look you in the eyes. His are just as red and droopy as yours. His dark pupils are dilated but now there’s something different about them, something foggy and heavy. “I don’t know if I should’ve brought you here tonight.” He whispers, eyes searching yours.

“Mm, Are the wolves hungry?” Changbin turns his head for a second, he looks back at the men across the room to find them all staring back at him. Some with clenched jaws, some with smirks on their face and some just watching. You’ve even seemed to earn the attention from some others outside of that group. “They are.” 

You hum, untangling yourself from him and standing from the couch. You offer him your hand and he takes it, standing with you. “Then let’s feed them.” You sneak a mean glare to the men across the room and their smiles fade almost instantly.

“Outside.” Changbin mumbles before he springs into action. He moves you in front of him and leads you to the back exit where there’s nearly no one around. Just a couple making out on a fire escape and Changbin’s friend’s Minho and Hyunjin getting head from some girl over in the dark corner by the door. 

The cool summer air hits you hard once you step out of the door. It feels different with the weed in your system. It feels good, but not nearly as good as Chagbin’s hands on you as he leads you down to the end of the - surprisingly clean - alleyway.

He pushes you up against the graffiti littered brick. His hands wander over your breast and up your arms as yours squeeze and scratch at his exposed muscle and over his leather clad shoulders. The hood to his jacket falls back leaving him with just his hat as he leans in for a kiss. It’s hungry and hard and fast but organized. It’s firm and possessive. 

In Changbin’s head he’s still kissing you in front of them. He’s showing the wolves what they can’t have and he wants to make it clear, you’re off limits. You on the other hand are messy. Your movements are blurry and hurried as you unzip your boyfriend's jacket and move to his belt buckle. You’re still showing off to the wolves in your head too. You want to make it clear to them that you’re his, you’re off limits.

You’re whining into Changbin’s mouth and he hastily swallows every sound. He can tell that you’re getting antsy, you want him to touch you, that’s how you always get when you’re high. You’re the touchy and horny type while he’s the laid back type. 

“Needy little thing." He pulls back and strips his jacket off of his shoulders. You watch with pleading eyes as he lays it on the floor next to your feet like a blanket. He wraps an arm around you, turning you so that your back is against his front so that you can sit in his lap but a sound pulls his attention to the door down the alley.

He looks down and his jaw instantly clenches, It’s him. That one fucking wolf who was staring at you and his fucking friend are leaning up against the wall, drink in their hands while they steal glances at the two of you. “Can I fucking help you?” Changbin shouts at the pair of them and it’s only then that you notice them.

“Ignore them.” You whisper to him and press your ass back against him. “I’m not letting them see you like this.” He turns you to the side so that you’re mostly out of view. 

“You’re mine, no one else gets to see you fucked out for me.” Changbin turns back to face the two, hands balled into fists and ready to fire but he relaxes a bit when Chris walks through the door. His eyes meet Changbin’s instantly and he can feel the tension in the space between them.

“I suggest that you two head back inside, yeah?” Chris glares at the two and they return the hostile gaze. “If you wanna see someone fuck so badly I can get you two a room and a mirror. I’m sure you’re no stranger to that.”

“The fuck did you say?” They step towards Chris, their glass bottles are in tight fists and Changbin takes this as his cue to get over there. Your boyfriend takes a couple of steps towards Chris and his friend takes a couple of steps towards the wolves. “Basically what I’m saying is…” 

Changbin finishes his friend's sentence with a venomous growl to his voice, one that you’ve never heard before. “Get fucked up or get the fuck out.” He tilts his head, watching them both carefully. 

“Your choice.” Chris finishes and the two just stare back at them. A second or two pass before the duo decide to avoid a beating and head inside. “Good choice.” Chris mutters as your boyfriend follows the two with angry eyes.

 Once they’re out of sight you can visibly see Changbin’s shoulders relax. He stretches his fingers and neck and Chris gives you a quick glance before patting his friend on the back. 

“Go, don’t keep the pretty thing waiting.” You’re leaning against the brick as you wait for Changbin, thighs pressed together and a blunt between your fingers. You’re taking a drag when he gets back by your side. 

“Where did you get a blunt?” Changbin smiles at you, he can feel the tension melt away now that he’s back with you but it isn’t enough. Not yet. “Your jacket pocket.” You smile over at him lazily. Jisung really outdid himself with the weed today. 

“You don’t even care that a fight was about to break out next to you?” He cages you against the wall between strong arms. He plants a hand on either side of your shoulders and you bring the spliff up to his lips for an inhale. “I know you got me.”

You smile up at him and he breaks a bit. He takes the blunt from you and loosely sits it behind his ear while he pulls you into him. You take this opportunity to finish unbuckling his belt and move to the button of his pants. If it were up to you, you’d be on your knees already with a mouth full of him but he always likes to feel you first. 

“You’re right.” He grabs you, wrapping you in his arms and swinging you around so that his back is to the wall and your back is to him. “I got you.” 

He moves down the wall, dragging you into his lap and spreading your legs over his. His fingers tickle your skin as he hikes up your dress and slips your panties down until they pool at his feet. 

Moans tumble forward as he sucks marks into your shoulder in between filthy whispers of all the things he’d like to do to you. You squirm at the sound of it all, already slipping deeper into that fucked out state just from his touch. The weed is hitting harder now, it’s peaking in your system and your core drips in response to it all. 

"Shh shh, baby. You'll feel good soon, I promise." His fingers slip through your folds, spreading your slick before pressing into you slowly. You whine, too floaty to properly moan for him. "See, you feel good don't you? You like being stretched by my fingers, bunny? You like swallowing me up like that? "

You're shaking your head, mumbling confirmations mindlessly as he curls his fingers against your most sensitive spots. “I needed to feel my baby’s pretty pussy to calm down. You see what you do to me?”

You’re grabbing at his pants as he fucks into you, you scratch at the leather in a mindless attempt to ground yourself. "You're doing so well. You look so pretty like this, you know? You make me so fucking hard for you." He presses his bulge up into your ass and you moan breathlessly. He's so thick, his fingers are barely good enough to prepare to take all of him. 

"Feel that?" You're shaking your head. "You'll suck it for me, won't you? You'll suck and slobber on my cock just how we love it, right?” 

"Mmhm, 'm gonna suck it." He pushes his fingers in up to the knuckle and a particularly loud squelch of your cunt has you groaning. 

"How does such a tiny pussy stretch out so perfectly?" Changbin kisses the back of your neck and around to your ear. He kisses and nibbles at the shell with whispers in between. 

"You wanna wet my cock, bunny?" Kiss. "Wet my cock so I can treat this pussy just right." Kiss. 

You're nodding as he pulls his fingers out of your messy cunt. His other arm wraps around your waist to keep your back flat against his chest while his slick soaked fingers push past your waiting lips. You suck and swirl your tongue the best you can, being fucked out and hazy. 

Drool is dribbling down your chin as you suck just like Changbin wanted. "I want you to spit all of that onto my cock, keep all that spit in your mouth, okay?"

He's moving you over so that you're sitting on his jacket next to him. He tugs on his zipper and fights his pants down his thick thighs just enough for his cock to pop free from his boxers, you can feel more spit pool in your mouth at the sight of it. "Get it wet, baby, go ahead."

You clumsily sit up on your knees with Changbin’s support and lean forward a bit so that your mouth is right over his cock. His hand rests on the small of your back while the other takes the blunt from behind his ear

He takes a long drag as you pucker your lips and let the spit pooled in your mouth flow down onto his cock. It coats his tip, dripping down the sides and pooling at the hilt. "Ah, fuck, look at that." He praises you on his exhale, smoke clouds the two of you as he watches your hands wrap around his shaft and twist just the way that he likes. 

"So fucking nasty, shit." You lean down to lick at his tip as you jerk him, twisting in opposite directions while your hands move up and down on his dick. "Kiss on it a little. Fuck, that's it, that's right, baby." 

You plant open mouth kisses on the head of his cock and he tips his head back against the brick in ecstasy. Between the weed in his system and your godly hands jerking his cock he swears that he could ascend into a higher state of being. 

"Gimme your throat, bunny." You move your hands, placing them on your lap like he taught you while his hand moves from the small of your back to the back of your head. He pushes your head down ever so slightly and bucks up gently. "Oh that throat, that tiny fucking - nuhhahh you're gonna make me cum."

He fucks your throat slow and deep, taking in the way that you swallow around him and choke a bit when he hits the back of your throat. "Fuck, c'mere. Pull your dress up." He lifts your head and helps you lift your dress up around your waist. 

"Binnie is gonna slip into your pretty cunt is that okay?" He asks you, looking up at your low lidded eyes with his own. "Please, need you inside."

Those were the magic words to have Changbin positioning you in his lap. Your dripping cunt rests over his leaky dick and you grind down against him, his cock slips and slides perfectly between the lips of your pussy. The head of his cock bumps your clit just right, making you moan into the air and earning whines from Changbin.

"Baby, baby, baby. I can't take that." He guides you with one hand on your hip despite his protest to the impromptu pussy job. The sounds of your combined slick gets picked up by the slight breeze and is carried around you.  

"Such a fucking tease, don't you wanna be fucked?" He brings the blunt up to his lips and then to yours. Allowing you to take a drag from between his fingers. 

"Wan' your cum." You grind down harder, swirling your hips a bit faster. Changbin puts the blunt back behind his ear so that he has a free hand to land a firm slap to your ass while the other grips the plush of your hip tighter. You moan, throwing your head back and swaying a bit. The hand that was gripping your hip now wraps around your waist to keep you up while you move over him. 

He exhales smoke into the air with a moan, his hips buck up into you and you put your hands on his strong chest to brace yourself. "Lift up, baby.” 

You lift yourself, whining at the loss of contact but that pout is quickly replaced with pure bliss as he positions himself and sinks into you. "Bin - 's so full. So full of you." 

He's whining too, moaning and biting at his bottom lip with his head kicked back and his eyes on you. "So tiny, fucking tight." You grind against him and he's popping your ass to get you to stay still. 

"I'll cum." He shakes his head and you whine again. You busy yourself with planting kisses to his cheek and up the side of his neck. "Wan' your cum."

"Yeah? Fine." Both of his hands grab your waist and he presses further into you, interrupting your kiss with a deep moan. "She wants her cunt creampied, huh?" He's grunting as he pulls back, slamming into you again before repeating. 

"Oh - ah ah - my god. Oh my god, oh my - ah" He's hammering into you now. Fucking up into you at a brutal pace while he holds you in place.

"Oh fuck, fuck, bunny's so - fucking - sounds so pretty. Such a pretty - shit, I'm gonna cum."

"Close, close." You're panting with your head hanging back and your tits bouncing out of the flimsy cups of your sundress. "There, there, right - I'm gonna cum, gonna fucking -"

You're screaming his name as you come undone. Spirts of squirt wet Changbin's torso as he continues to fuck you through your high and chase his own. 

You're hanging on by a thread as you try to remember how to breathe. You’re staring up at the sky, moaning mindlessly as you blink up at the clouds. They’re hazy but they almost appear to be brighter, closer, more vibrant. 

"Fuck I'm gonna bust, bunny. Gonna fill this pussy, yeah? Gotta fill it up. Get you full of - oh fuck, baby kiss me. Kiss me." You're sitting up in an instant and crashing your lips to his. You were already dizzy but the feeling of his lips on yours while he moans into your mouth mixed with his strong arms circling your waist as he holds you down against him and fills you with sticky white ropes of his cum makes you feel like you could really lose it. 

"Ah ah ah, baby." High pitched whines tumble from him as you clench and grind against him as he rides out his high. "Don't, can't take that." 

"More, Binnie." He smirks at you, it’s one sided and a bit lazy as his sparkling dark eyes look up at you on top of him. You're still stuffed with his cock. Your hole is plugged up to keep his cum inside and you want more.

"Greedy, baby."

Thank You For Reading! Please Reblog or Comment to let me know how you liked it! It makes my day! 💕

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[scoutswritingcorner]

The TV Made Me Do It

Vox x GN!Reader

TW:HORROR AND DARK FIC!! Talks about murder, hypnosis, alcoholism, mentioned abuse, nothing too detailed. MENTIONS OF SEWERSLIDE. DO NOT READ IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.

A/N: First time writing for Vox! So please don’t hate me! Also if anyone has any ideas for any horror related fics don’t be afraid to drop them in my  Ask Box, just read my rules first please! Based on the song, ‘The TV made me do it’ By Moon Walker. SOMETHING ON THE SHORT SIDE SORRY- 

Flashing blue and red lights filled your dark house, bringing the bottle to your lips. You took a long sip watching as the TV in front of you flashed with static and loud buzzing as a flash of a light blue grin was burned into its screen. Why wouldn’t he talk to you anymore? Did he get bored?

You didn’t blame him. You got bored too.

The banging on your front door was louder now and the bloodied knife that sat on your lap felt heavier than normal. Your eyes stayed glued to the TV screen as the door was kicked in allowing the bright lights to invade your home. You wanted to forget how you got in this position.

~~

The day you got home from work was a normal one. Normal in the fact that the second you walked through the door you were being yelled at and a bottle was thrown at your head but missed significantly. Then they stormed up the stairs and started to yell at you as you cleaned up the pigsty that was your house, then it had hit you. You were being watched. Was someone else in the house? Was it your imagination?

You looked around once more and found nothing which made you frown, why was your tv on? You turned it off right before you started to clean. You walked over to the couch and grabbed the remote to turn it off but stopped seeing red eyes stare back at you. Was this just a sick prank? Why did it unnerve you? Walking back the eyes followed you unblinking. Then the tv flashed from different shows and channels spelling out the words, ‘turn..around…I’m…behind..you.’ Your heart dropped to your stomach as you watched the tv turn to static before you. You closed your eyes and turned around, only to be met by darkness and an empty wall.

Then..a laugh track sounded, the TV was laughing at you. It was mocking you, ‘Silly…human….such…a…fool.’  Your cheeks heated up in embarrassment as you stared back at the glowing red eyes and the now prominent blue sharp teeth that formed into a smile. 

~~~

It’s been like this for weeks. No sleep, just going to work, getting something thrown at your head or slapped across the face and then staying up at night to watch the tv mock you and your existence. It made you want to cry- you did cry some nights, it was too much. But then the mocking changed as you sat on the couch one night, drinking your spirits away. ‘..stop..drinking….you damn fool.’ You rolled your eyes but put the bottle down onto the coffee table, you wished to close your eyes and sleep forever. “Just leave me the fuck alone. All you’ve done is mock me every night, all night long. What the fuck do you want me to do?!” You yelled out tears collecting in your eyes as you looked down at the carpeted floor. 

‘..pathetic.’  the tv mocked once more causing you to glare at it. “Oh yeah you wise fucker? Tell me what the hell am I supposed to do then?!” You snarled out standing up before going quiet as the phone in your kitchen rang, you sent one more glare towards the TV which was playing some old cowboy movie. Storming into the kitchen you grabbed the phone putting it to your ear.

“You’re losing yourself, Human..”  The voice was rough but was so cheery that it reminded you of a celebrity. You could definitely hear the smirk plastered on the person's face or..was it a person? “Who is this?” You asked quietly, hearing footsteps upstairs, “..You’ve been talking to me through the tv for weeks…I think you should know by now.” The voice responded before chuckling as the footsteps ceased, “Such a sad sack of shit the world has become huh? Don’t you wish you could do something about it?” You paled at the words, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“I don’t? Please I’ve watched your ass sit on that couch drinking away your sorrows and sobbing out after every little fight. Telling me how you wish you could just fucking end that piece of shits life.” The voice on the other line called out and you sighed, staying silent. “I say do it. Kill the bastard.”  That caught you off guard, “Wait no- I can’t-” You hissed, “You can. You just have to throw away your morals.” You look behind you and then out of the kitchen windows, the night looked so inviting the voice was right. You could do it but then what? You’d have to be on the run forever. Right?

“What do I do after?” You asked your hands clutching the phone like it was a life line. “Be on the run forever?” There was a soft chuckle from the other end of the line. “That’s up to you..but..if you decide to just..end it..I’ll be down here waiting for you. Besides..I always needed a co host.” Was..Was this mysterious voice flirting with you? Co-Host? Down there? What the fuck was it talking about??

“Down where exactly?” You asked, glancing at the knife drawer and there was a loud laugh from the other end of the line. “Oh you’ll find out shortly..just think about it. Remember..I’m watching.” Then at that the line went dead and you groaned, that didn’t answer any of your fucking questions.

~~~

It was only a day later when you were staring into the dead eyes of your abuser, knife sticking out of their chest and a bruise forming on their neck. Your body covered in blood as you tore the knife out, slowly making your way downstairs and to the tv that was showing static, your tv friend had left. Your phone sat on the couch, screen showing texts from your closest friends. The friends that mocked you, told you that you were off your fucking rocker. ‘The tv can’t make you do anything.’

You walked to the kitchen to grab your favorite bottle of your poison, the phone rang once..twice..three times before it stopped and you made your way back to the couch. “I did it. If you care.” You called out to the tv, “Don’t think you do. You got what you wanted, no?” You brushed a bloodied hand through your hair and groaned, “Of course you don’t..you never did. I was a fool to think that you did.” You called out taking a sip from the bottle, sirens and bright lights flashing outside.

Looks like you were finally caught. “You’re a fucking bastard.” You hissed out, playing with the knife laying on your lap.

But he did care. He cared too much and he wanted you to be next to him so badly. He’d just have to wait a little longer.

[nolsaesthetic]

A one shot I wrote about Nina helping Crowley after season 2. The agnst isn't too bad, but it's definitely there. Hope you enjoy it!

More Expresso, Less Depresso

It wasn't such a nice day. Then again, everyday had been a bad for Crowley since Aziraphale had left. At first, the demon decided he would sleep for the rest of eternity. Maybe at least in his dreams Aziraphale would be there. Yet even rest refused him solace. 

It had been two weeks since the fight. Two weeks, and Crowley hadn't slept a wink.  He tried to, he really did, but every time he shut his eyes, the scene would play in his mind. 

The image of an angel, his angel, looking at him with a look of shock, pity, guilt, and sadness. His posture straight and collar still ajar from when Crowley grabbed him.  Hands fidgeting together until they stilled, and Aziraphale had looked at him. And those eyes, the blue tantalizing eyes that gave him comfort. The eyes that had once gazed at him with such kindness and companionship, now wide with longing and agony. I forgive you.

Don't bother.

It drove him mad. He wanted to forget. He wanted to go back and change what he said, change what he did. Maybe then Aziraphale wouldn't have left. Maybe then they could have had their breakfast at the Ritz, fed the ducks at the St.James park, bicker over miniscule things, yet always seem to forgive one another in the end. 

Forgiveness

 Crowley hated forgiveness. He never wanted to be forgiven. He never thought he did anything wrong. He's a demon, the pure definition of unforgivable. Though it seemed he was always being forgiven.

Did his angel really think that little of him? That he was some evil creature who needed to be forgiven all the time? 

No, Crowley knew that's not how Aziraphale thinks. No matter what he said or did, Aziraphale would have gone to heaven. He had his own reasons, he had to. 

-------

Crowley slammed his hands down on the steering wheel of the Bentley, and the car rumbled to life. His plants in the backseat slid around as he turned quickly into traffic. They were well on their way to dying, leaves wilting and color fading. Crowley hasn't watered them since the day Aziraphale left. Typically, the plants would be too scared to let themselves die. Though Crowley barely even looked at them anymore, let alone yell at them. 

After a 15-minute drive of shouting at other drivers and stop lights, as well as almost hitting a few pedestrians, the car stopped. Crowley didn't really know where he was going, just trying to blow off steam. Yet the Bentley seemed to run off instinct. 

He found himself parked on the street next to a coffee shop and an all too familiar bookshop.

His eyes widened as he realized where he was. Grip tightening around the wheel, Crowley grimaced and glanced across the street. Through a window in the shop, he could see Muriel, pleasently working in their new human clothes while tidying up the shop. It had changed a lot in the two weeks since he had been there. There were no more piles of books and trinkets everywhere. It was neat and organized, almost like a proper library. The lights were brighter than he had ever seen Aziraphale turn them up, and quite a few people occupied the shop. They seemed rather happy, chatting away or flipping through pages of the books.

Wait... People? Customers? Shit. 

Crowley almost flew out of the car. Slamming the door shut as the Bentley miraculously turned itself off, a car almost hit him as he ran across the street. The doors to the bookshop burst open as Crowley looks at everyone, a sense of manic in his eyes. 

Everyone in the shop either gasped or jerked their heads towards him at the noise of it all. All except for Muriel, who happily waved at him before returning to work. Smiling almost maliciously, Crowley addressed them.

"Change of plan people! No books are for sale! Get out."

The would-be customers quickly gathered their things and filed out of the shop. Not wanting to upset the obviously crazy person who had just appeared, they mostly remained quiet as they left. 

Once all humans had evaded the premisis, Crowley marched his way over to Muriel who was standing with a confused expression. 

"What the Heaven do you think you're doing?!" He shouted

Holding up the feather duster in their left hand Muriel replied. "I'm dusting!" 

"No, not that! The books! Why were you selling the books!" 

"I'm running the shop like the Metatron told me!" 

"The Metatron" Crowley spat out his name like it was a curse. Sighing, he continued, "Aziraphale's going to be so upset when he comes back I-"

"But Mr.Aziraphale.. the Supreme Archangel..isn't coming back Mr.Crowley."

Oh...

He had forgotten. In all of his panic to protect his angel's precious books, Crowley had forgotten that Aziraphale wasn't there anymore. He was gone. He had left him.

Suddenly the shop didnt just look different, it felt different. The warm, homey feeling it once had was gone. Replaced by the stale and depressing silence of dread. 

He was silent for a long time, all he could hear was a ringing in his ears and muffled sounds of Muriel trying to get his attention as he stared off into nothingness.

"Mr. Crowley!" He had finally snapped out of it as Muriel grabbed his arm. "What's the matter?" 

He didn't respond, just blankly looked at her as he pulled him arm away. Stepping back, he grumbled out, "Just- don't sell the books. Tell anyone that comes in to piss off." 

Before Muriel could get another word out he was long gone. Leaving poor Muriel to stand alone in her confusion. 

Crowley was back inside the Bentley, looking up at the top of the car. He wanted to cry, to scream, to shout, to do something, but he just couldn't. Something inside him felt broken, missing, and he didn't know what. He didn't want to think about it, just wanted the feeling to go away, wanted to kill that part of him, wanted to kill-

A few taps came from his window, and he sighed and reached to roll it down. He expected Muriel, coming to find him after his outburst. He was shocked to look outside and see Nina holding a coffee cup and looking back at him with a pitiful smirk.

Once the window was fully down, the cup was quickly shoved towards him. 

"Hey expresso, you don't look so good."

Crowley just rolled his eyes and took the cup, drinking half of it - it was his usual six shots of expresso - before looking back up. 

"You don't say"

Nina returned the attitude right back, "Yeah, you look like shit."

It was true, his hair was grown down to his shoulders and it was a wreck, you could see the bags under his eyes from beneath the sunglasses, and there was five empty wine bottles in his passenger seat alone.

When all the response she got from Crowley was a dead stare, Nina decided to continue talking. 

"Look, I just closed up shop. Why don't you come in and we can get you a proper drink?"

Crowley mulled over the option in his head. He could just drive off and continue mopping on his own, but it that did nothing to stop the emptiness he felt. Hoping that it might distract him even a little bit, Crowley chugged the rest of the expresso and made a grumbling noise in the affirmative. 

Stepping out of the car he nodded towards the coffee shop and the two started on their way inside.

-----

Apparently, it is very difficult to explain a 6000-year relationship to a human. Nina kept questioning when and why certain things happened, why they didn't communicate clearer, why why why. And it didn't help when Crowley kept beating around the bush as to what happened right before Aziraphale left. Usually, this would irritate Crowley, but he was currently on the verge of tipsy as he lay spread out on Nina's leather couch she kept in the back. 

"Wonder what..what Warlock's doing these days.." he mumbled out, taking another sip of his wine glass that Nina gave him. 

Nina sighed as yet another one of her questions went unanswered. She was sitting at a table not too far from the couch, with the bottle of wine and her own wine glass close to her. 

"You still haven't told me what happened, Crowley." She spoke firmly, getting up and taking his wine glass from him. It was no use though, the demon just miracled himself another one. Still, Nina took that from him too. 

Groaning, he swung himself back to an upright position before looking up at Nina and replying. 

"What's there to say? I followed your idiotic advice, and now I'm alone!" 

"You know that's not what I meant. You've spent six millenia pinning after this guy, and it seems to me that it was mutual. Nothing that runs that deep just ends." 

It was silent in the room for a while, Crowley looked to be staring past her as she turned to put the glasses away. But as she was almost out of the room, Crowley responded. 

"..he wanted me to be an angel again."

Nina blinked a few times before turning back around. Setting the glasses on the table she spoke slowly, "and you didnt want to?"

Crowley took off his sunglasses, still staring out in front of him as he spoke. His posture was lowered as he leaned his elbows on his knees, holding his glasses in between them.

"Its one of the only things I wouldn't do for him

I've always followed him, protected him.. he's gone now, and it's like.. I'm not even me anymore." 

Nina took a deep breath, exhaling as she lsat down on the couch next to Crowley and leaned back into the cushion. 

"To me, it sounds like you need to figure yourself out.

Take a break, take care of yourself...

Also, stop living in your car. I have space at my flat if you need a place to stay." 

Crowley didn't know how he felt about that offer, but talking to Nina was making him feel better, and he was willing to give anything a shot at this point. 

Pausing for just a moment, he sobered himself up and finally turned to look at Nina.

"Can I bring my plants?"

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (1102): Fri 4th Apr 2025

This morning I got an hour away from work as I was told that every employee needed to be retrained (or “refreshed” as they put it) on how to build and move the carts. You know, the carts that I build and move every single god damn day? Yeah those ones. A driving licence doesn’t need to be renewed for ten years but apparently you can completely forget how to build a cart after one year despite doing it every day. I shouldn’t be complaining because lately I’ve been absolutely shattered so I should’ve welcomed an hour in the training room flicking through videos telling me stuff I already knew but it still got a bit silly. During my break I got a text from my sister telling me to ring her when I finished work. This didn’t sound good and I was nervous for the rest of the day because typically asking someone to ring you indicates that what you have to talk to them about can not be done via text. It turned out that she had received an email telling her that my car insurance was due for renewal in three weeks which I personally would say definitely falls under text-worthy topics. Jesus Christ another thing that I have to fucking sort out. I assumed this insurance would just renew itself like my motorbike insurance did but my sister said if I let it renew then it will get more expensive so I need to call them up and tell them I’ve got a better offer elsewhere so that they bring it down. This really fucked me off because I hate talking to people especially on the phone (but especially in person) and I’m such a non-confrontational, cowardly sack of shit I’ll inevitably acquiesce when they tell me that it would be better to just pay them more money 

[mybraindumps]

I have not felt so unsettled as I have in the past few days, weeks, months (?) in a long time.

Infact I would go as far to say that the last year or so has been the best year of my life so far, not just in comparison whatever my life was before, but it was objectively a great year that anyone would be lucky to have lived.

I was wondering if all the high of a new life was draining out and the best parts of living by myself are fading the serious adulting things start to put me down but I don't think that's true.

I think what it is, is this sense of lack of control over my own life. Like too many external factors deciding what sort of day or week it's gonna be for me, emotionally or otherwise. I could have a really great day but there's no sense of control because I am contantly dreading when things will turn bad? And similarly I could have a really shitty day randomly and I feel completely stuck and powerless about doing anything about it.

A big big part of this is my fucked up client. Everyone's saying I have done such a good job, and maybe I have but people who are overly sweet generally, but turn into absolute monsters when things go even a little wrong or not according to them are I think worse than monsters who are always monsters.

Like, this bitch, would make our lives hell if she's upset about something, but all the other time she sounds so composed and logical and like you try to be mad but she just keeps flipping back and forth. And I am not fucking okay with this.

Why should my day depend on how she's feeling? And I didn't even fucking realise it but this has been going on for months. Easily 6 months or over. And it's not like we never make mistakes, we totally do. So in the beginning, I just thought, oh it was my fault, it's okay for her to react like that. But then you wonder how many faults were real and how may faults were cooked up out of nothing.

How many faults were their lack of understanding and miscommunication and scapegoating cause they do not even fucking know what they want and will flip whenever and think they are smarter cause she has an MBA or her title reads Marketing lead?

Answer me this. Why is the marketing lead fuming over oe single social media post being delayed? You take care of the entire marketing and this is your biggest fucking concern you entitled prick?

There are other things too, and I originally thought I feel lost cause too much is happening but I didn't even realise how done I was with the work shit.

I was just proud of myself for dealing with everything they threw at us, and yes, that's definitely something to be proud of, why did you forget it'd still affect you?

That even though you know your job is perfectly safe, being called out in front of everyone wouldn't affect you. That too when you did nothing wrong. You, who remembers what your nursery best friend wanted to be when she grows up, that you, thought that this wouldn't affect you cause you have a supportive team and you just wouldn't think about it?

They have to go, or you need to be taken off the brand. I don't care how many ideas you have about what all they can do, they can find someone else to deal with her if they can't findone else to deal with. Either way, not your problem.

Just becuae you can do everything, doesn't mean you have to. She's just like Kuber. No wonder their initials match. I have never ever taken the name of someone from my actual life here. Seems like I am gonna hate these two for the rest of my life.

But also, I don't really think that's true. You'll never have any positive things to say about them, but the second you are off, and never have to deal with her again, you'll forget. Like you forgot every other client who has been an ass to you. I guess Kuber will hold a special hate in your heart cause he wasn't a client, he was your boss, and you weren't used to asshole bosses. And you kind of walked into it knowing (or atleast sensing something off) he was an asshole.

Anyway, the point of this, your environment and the people you interact with on a regular basis will always affect you. Which is why you need to contantly watch your company. Getting out of shit once doesn't mean you can never fall right back into it. And mental health is kinda the same.

I am really fucking proud of you for doing everything you did, and got where you are but its also okay to realise that things haven't been great lately. And you can always prioritise getting better again and again, as many times as you need to.

I mean you did once, and you did it so well. This one's gonna be a breeze. Okay, maybe not, but its okay.

3:00 pm 11.10.24

[crmsnmth]

September Sky Chapter Eight, part 8 (end of chapter eight)

"Not at all. I was about to put on Frankenstein and go to bed."

"Frankenstein's your lullabye?" She said, I could hear that smirk in her voice, and instantly pictured her looking up at me through her eyelashes. That half-crooked smile she had when she teased and joked around. Such a beautiful smile.

"Tonight it is. Last night was Evil Dead," I replied quickly. Technically that was true. I did have Evil Dead on when I went to bed, but the move was over before I actually fell asleep.

Addison laughed her laugh. I melted. The same routine played over and over again. And I didn't mind this one at all.

"How was work?" She asked, her laugh slowing donw to a fuck chuckles.

"Alright. Justin's music choice sucked, but that's a given."

"It can't be that bad, can it?"

"You know the song Tequila? I fucking hate that song, and I swear he plays it every hour on the hour."

"That sounds more like he's playing you."

"Yeah, probably. He would do something like that, just to get a rise out of me."

"Social experiments on the boss."

It was my turn to laugh. I couldn't tell you why I found that so funny, because it's really not all that funny. But still, it struck me and I laughed until the inevitable coughing fit of a smoke came through.

"How was work for you?" I asked, hocking a load of phlegm into a tissue.

"Hopefully over. It was a pretty busy night. Seemed like every time I got home, the phone would ring."

"I'm sorry. You've got to be beat."

"I am exhausted but I saw you were online, and figured a short phone call to say goodnight could be taken out of my sleep time." Love is self-sacrifice.

"You should sleep."

"I will. Soon."

I sighed audibly, but I was sure she could see the smile on my face. I wasn't going to argue with her. In fact, I was flattered.

"Fair enough."

"Oh, before I forget, one of my friends is throwing a get together to raise money so the CC can get a new copy machine."

"What the hell is CC?" I'd never heard of it before.

"Center Street Collective. It's an anarchist collective. I'm sure you've seen the place. Right on the corner of Center, little white brick building?"

It took me a moment, but eventually I could bring up where she was talking about it. I knew the building, but I had no idea what it was. Of course, when I would see that building, it would be on late-night insomnia walks.

"I think I know where your talking about."

"Ok. So anyway, I said I'd come and I was wondering if you would like..."She trailed off into silence.

I hadn't been to a party in a very long time. That's a lot of people in a really small space. There are days where just another heartbeat in the house drives me bonkers. People bother me. They scare me with the things they're capable of. Emily taught me that. It's hard toe come out of an abusive relationship, and even when you, there's scars that change your entire life. And how you look at it. From optomist to pessimist.

"I know it's not really your thing, so if you don't to, that's totally cool." Addison said in one long word, mashing them together like a car crash. I guess I hadn't said anything and she asssumed the worse.

"No, it's cool. It wouldn't kill me to socialize right?"

"You'll go? Really?" I could hear the excitement coming through in powerful waves.

"Yeah, sure. If it's on a day I have off, I mean. Or get done early." And for one sweet moment, I thought I might have had a way out of this.

"Sunday next week." Shit

"Cool. I can definitely go. It's for a good cause, right?" Now came the part where I tried to convince myself that this was ok, and that there is not harm in being around other people. It's awkward when it's with people, and even more so to know just one person. I shoved the thought of it down into my stomach, where it builds with the other to eventually form a tumor.

"Are you really sure? You can say no, it won't hurt my feelings." She said.

"Addison, stop. I said I'd go and I will. What's the worst that could happen?" I could embarass myself some how in a way I can't tell that everyones laughing at me. Or some stranger tries to make conversation with me. The ideas made my stomach hurt.

"Yay!" She exclaimed. If would have been able to see her, I'd see her jumping up and down while clapping her hands. She had reactions that I was starting learn, and even thouse pulled me deeper to this love again.

I laughed into the phone."Is it such a good idea to get excited before bed?"

"Shut up," her voice like cooling waters. Her words came out in fancy calligraphy. "But you're right. It is late."

I looked at the time and was chocked that four in the morning was just about here. "Holy shit. I didn't realize it's been an hour."

"Really? Oh wow. Crazy how time flies, isn't it?

"Especially when your having fun."

"Is that what this is, Chris? Fun?"

"Yeah, I'd say it's fun."

"Is that all it is? Just fun," she said. I couldn't tell if she was playing around or serious."

"No. There's something else here besides fun. I know it."

"Me too."

We were both quiet for a few moments.

"Goodnight Chris."

"Goodnight Addison."

[flirting-with-psychology]

Stayed single almost the whole year? 2015: You fucking know it

2016: Same

2017: Almost

2018: Almost, no official relationships or anything

2019: I was taken for most of the year!

2020: Nope! I had a boyfriend the whole year :)

2021: No, had a boyfriend the whole year!

2022: No, I had a boyfriend all year!

2023: Nope!

Were involved In something you’ll never forget? 2015: Yeah

2016: Yeah, band

2017: My film class

2018: Yeah, Macy’s and the film stuff I did and my house

2019: The B Flat

2020: My relationship, other than that this year was uneventful

2021: Some of the films

2022: Good Night Oppy

2023: My friend group

Tripped over a coffee table? 2015: Most likely

2016: I can’t recall but probably

2017: There’s like a 98% chance I did

2018: Definitely

2019: Yup, and all the tables at work

2020: Hit my toe on a table leg and it hurt for weeks

2021: Probably

2022: I did not have a coffee table otherwise I would have

2023: No, I didn't have a coffee table

Dyed your hair? 2015: No

2016: No

2017: No

2018: No but planning on it

2019: Kinda but it didn’t really take

2020: No

2021: No

2022: Yes! My friend helped me dye it a red ombre

2023: I think I redid the red ombre a couple times

Came close to losing your life? 2015: No

2016: A car cut me off at a crosswalk so maybe

2017: Probably not

2018: No

2019: No

2020: Not unless I was exposed to covid

2021: Probably not

2022: Not that I know of

2023: No

Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live? 2015: No

2016: No

2017: No

2018: No

2019: I saw some musicals live

2020: No

2021: No

2022: Idk if I’d say they were my favorites, but I saw AJR and Panic! At the Disco

2023: Yes! I saw Taylor Swift

2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23: FRIENDS & ENEMIES…

Did you meet any new friends this year? 2015: Yeah I did, and I got closer to old friends

2016: Yeah

2017: Yeah

2018: Yeah

2019: A couple

2020: I met some friends online in an Among Us group

2021: A couple, and I met the among us group in person

2022: Dunno if I met any this year but I definitely became better friends with my DnD groups and some people at work

2023: I met a couple in my dnd group

Did you hate anyone? 2015: Not really hate, but dislike

2016: Same

2017: Yeah kinda

2018: I really didn’t like a coworker (but now we are friends) and a friend’s girlfriend (who I still don’t like)

2019: Not actively

2020: I hate Trump and Mitch McConnell

2021: Idk

2022: Not personally

2023: Not really

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? 2015: I wish I could have found roommates

2016: I wish I had gotten closer to people on my study abroad. But my roommate was nice and I still talk to her every so often, so that’s cool. A note on last year, I’m glad I didn’t end up living with the friends I was thinking about living with because their apartment got condemned and they had to move to a suburb and commute to school, then one got a girlfriend and moved out and the other one is with her boyfriend a lot so I would have been stuck all by myself out in the middle of nowhere

2017: I kind of regret not getting closer to my roommates

2018: I regret that I don’t value some of them as much as I should

2019: Not spending more time with them once I got a boyfriend. I swore I wouldn’t be that person who ditches their friends once they get into a relationship

2020: I wish it hadn’t gone to shit in my house because of covid

2021: Maybe not hanging out and keeping in touch enough

2022: Maybe not taking full advantage of friendships because I’m awkward

2023: Not getting as close to my friends as they got to each other

Did you miss any friends? 2015: A little

2016: A little

2017: A little

2018: A little

2019: Yes but it turned out she was just out of the country

2020: I miss all my friends

2021: Yes

2022: A little

2023: Yeah

2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23: YOUR BIRTHDAY…

Did you have a cake? 2015: It had a piece of cake

2016: No, I had IHOP

2017: No, I had pancakes

2018: No, I had chocolate mousse

2019: Yes

2020: Bundt cake

2021: No, I had chocolate fondue

2022: No, I had chocolate fondue

2023: No, I had wine-soaked pears

Did you have a party? 2015: No, I went to Vegas

2016: No, I went to brunch with my parents then played in my last home football game as part of the band

2017: Kinda, we did an escape room and then went to dinner

2018: No, just a couple of friends out to dinner

2019: We went to an escape room a couple weeks later because my actual birthday got snowed out

2020: No because of covid

2021: No, I was visiting my boyfriend’s family for thanksgiving

2022: No, I went to see a musical with my mom and then dinner with my boyfriend

2023: I had a murder mystery dinner party with my friends

Did you get any presents? 2015: Yeah

2016: Yeah, and a win

2017: Yeah

2018: Yeah a few

2019: Yeah

2020: Yeah

2021: Yeah

2022: Yeah

2023: Yeah

2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23: ALL ABOUT YOU…

Did you change at all this year? 2015: I believe so

2016: I’m sure I did

2017: I’m sure I will always change

2018: Yes but not as much as I had hoped or in the ways I wanted

2019: Probably a little

2020: I got worse

2021: Yeah I think so

2022: Yeah, worried less about covid and put myself out there more

2023: Not that much

Were you in school? 2015: Yes

2016: Yes

2017: For part of the year but then I gruaduated

2018: No

2019: No

2020: No

2021: No

2022: No

2023: No

Did you own a car? 2015: No

2016: No

2017: No

2018: No

2019: No

2020: I bought a car in September!

2021: Yes :)

2022: Yes!

2023: Yes

Did anyone close to you give birth? 2015: No

2016: Not really close, but my mom’s ex-boyfriend’s daughter did

2017: No

2018: No but I’m starting to be friends with people who have kids

2019: No

2020: No

2021: No

2022: No

2023: No

Did you go on any vacations? 2015: Yeah, I went on 2 road trips and I think a couple others

2016: I studied abroad in Italy and went on 2 away trips with the band, and about to go on a third

2017: I went to London, New Orleans, and Wyoming for the eclipse

2018: I went to Las Vegas for a film shoot

2019: I went to Israel and a few smaller trips

2020: I went to Harry Potter World with my boyfriend

2021: A small one

2022: I made up for lost time and went to visit my boyfriend’s family in Chicago, friends in St. Louis, my cousin’s wedding in California, my aunts in New York

2023: I went to Vegas, New Jersey, and Chicago

2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23: WRAP UP…

Was 2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23 a good year? 2015: It was better than 2014

2016: Not as good as I hoped, but some things were good. The football team had a really good year

2017: It was pretty good. The football team did not have as good a year

2018: Overall I think so

2019: It was alright

2020: No

2021: Not really but it was a little better than last year

2022: It was pretty good

2023: It was pretty good

Do you think 2016/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24 will top 2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23? 2015: I hope so

2016: I hope so

2017: I’m not sure, but I hope so

2018: I hope so, I kind of have a good feeling about it

2019: I hope so

2020: God I fucking hope so

2021: If it doesn’t I don’t know what I’d do

2022: I hope so, hopefully there won’t be some new bullshit

2023: I'm not sure

IN THE YEAR 2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23 I CONFESS THAT I…

Kissed in the snow? 2015: No

2016: Still no

2017: No, but there’s still time

2018: No

2019: Yep!

2020: I can’t remember

2021: Maybe?

2022: Don’t think so

2023: Not sure

Done something you’ve regretted? 2015: Slightly

2016: Some things, but nothing big

2017: Probably

2018: Yes

2019: Probably

2020: Nothing major

2021: Nothing major

2022: Probably a bit

2023: A little, I've said a couple things I regret

Painted a picture? 2015: Yes, with watercolors with some girls in my hall

2016: I can’t recall

2017: No

2018: No

2019: Yes, with wax

2020: Don’t think so

2021: No, but I have painted some minis

2022: No

2023: No

Wrote a poem? 2015: Yes

2016: Yes. Only one or two though, not nearly as much as I used to

2017: I don’t think so actually

2018: I don’t think so

2019: No

2020: Don’t think so

2021: No

2022: No

2023: No, I haven't done that so much lately

Ran a mile? 2015: Nope

2016: I probably did cumulatively, in all of 2016, run a total of at least a mile. But not on its own, no

2017: Maybe on the elliptical

2018: On the elliptical

2019: On the elliptical probably

2020: No

2021: I think I actually did one time on the elliptical

2022: On the ellliptical

2023: Maybe on the elliptical

Visited a foreign country? 2015: No

2016: Yes, Italy

2017: Yes, England and France

2018: No

2019: Yes, Israel

2020: No

2021: No

2022: No

2023: No

Cut in a line of waiting people? 2015: Probably by accident

2016: Probably

2017: Probably

2018: Probably

2019: Maybe

2020: Don’t think so

2021: Dunno

2022: I probably cut a bunch of people in the Taylor Swift ticketmaster queue

2023: Not on purpose

IN 2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23 I…

Broke a promise? 2015: Probably

2016: Probably

2017: Probably

2018: Probably

2019: Probably

2020: I’m sure I did

2021: Probably

2022: Probably

2023: Probably, but nothing big

Lied? 2015: Probably

2016: Probably

2017: Yes

2018: Yes, but just little white lies

2019: Yes

2020: Maybe just little white lies

2021: Yes

2022: Probably

2023: Probably just little white lies

Disappointed someone close? 2015: Probably, I know I disappointed my parents a couple times

2016: Probably

2017: I know I disappointed my parents a couple times

2018: Probably

2019: Probably my boyfriend a few times

2020: I’m sure I did

2021: I know I disappointed my dad

2022: Probably disappointed my boyfriend

2023: Yes

Had a secret? 2015: Not really

2016: A couple

2017: Not really

2018: Maybe kinda

2019: Not anything big reallyy

2020: Not really

2021: A little

2022: Yeah a bit

2023: Not really

Pretended to be happy? 2015: Yes

2016: Sometimes

2017: Sometimes

2018: Yes, when I needed to

2019: Sometimes

2020: Occasionally, but didn’t really try

2021: Sometimes

2022: Sometimes

2023: Sometimes

Slept under the stars? 2015: In a tent

2016: Don’t think so

2017: In a tent

2018: No

2019: In a tent community

2020: No

2021: No and I have no idea what I was talking about in 2019

2022: No

2023: No

Kept your new year’s resolution? 2015: Some of them

2016: Probably a few of them

2017: Probably some

2018: I don’t even remember what they were

2019: Some of them

2020: A few of them

2021: Some of them

2022: Some of them probably

2023: Some of them

Forgot your new year’s resolution? 2015: I wrote them down

2016: Yes

2017: Yep

2018: Did I even make one?

2019: I wrote them down

2020: I wrote them down

2021: Yeah

2022: I wrote them down but never looked at them again

2023: I wrote them down

Met someone who changed your life? 2015: Yes

2016: Probably

2017: Yes

2018: I’m sure I did

2019: Didn’t meet him this year but he has

2020: Not that I know of

2021: No one who has changed it yet

2022: Maybe

2023: Not that I know of, but maybe in the future

Changed your outlook on life? 2015: I believe so

2016: Maybe for the worse. Hopefully I’ll get over that

2017: Maybe

2018: Idk

2019: Not really

2020: I think I got disenfranchised with capitalism and feared death more

2021: Starting to change my balance of risk vs reward

2022: Got a lot more relaxed about covid

2023: Not really

Sat home all day doing nothing? 2015: Yup

2016: Yup

2017: I’m sure I did

2018: Probably but not enough

2019: Yup

2020: Like most days

2021: Yeah

2022: Yup

2023: Yup

Learned something new about yourself? 2015: Yes

2016: Probably

2017: Maybe

2018: Maybe

2019: I learned what I’m like in a relationship

2020: Probably

2021: Idk

2022: Sorta

2023: Not really

Met great people? 2015: Yeah!

2016: Yep!

2017: Yep!

2018: Yep!

2019: I think so, I honestly can’t remember who I met when

2020: Didn’t meet a ton of people

2021: A couple

2022: Got closer with some people

2023: Didn't meet a ton of people

Kissed someone that means a lot to you? 2015: Yes, unfortunately I don’t mean a lot to him anymore. Not even sure if I did then

2016: No. I mean, I kissed one of my friends drunkenly, an she means a lot to me as a friend, but no one romantically

2017: I’m not sure yet how much he means to me. But we are dating

2018: Yes, but so far I’m not sure whether he means a lot to me as a friend or as a romantic interest

2019: Yes!

2020: Yes :)

2021: Yes

2022: Yes

2023: Yes

Stayed up till sunrise? 2015: Yes

2016: Yes

2017: Yes, on my film project. I couldn’t even see the sunrise, I just walked outside and it was daytime

2018: Yes on a film shoot

2019: Probably

2020: Yes

2021: Yes, and always felt like I failed when I did

2022: I actually don’t know if I did

2023: I don't think I did actually

Cried over the silliest thing? 2015: I’m sure I did when I was PMSing

2016: Yes

2017: Yes

2018: Yes

2019: Too often

2020: Yes

2021: Yes

2022: Yes

2023: Yes

Had friends who were drifting away from you? 2015: Yes

2016: Yes

2017: Yes

2018: Yeah Kylie kind of did

2019: Kylie and Shaina

2020: Yes, especially my roommates

2021: Yeah unfortunately

2022: Yeah a little

2023: Yeah it kinda feels like my friends are getting closer with each other than they are with me

Had a high cell phone bill? 2015: Not too bad

2016: It increased a bit, but my parents pay most of it

2017: It decreased because the phone itself got paid off

2018: Lol I still have to pay that

2019: I think it’s the same

2020: No, I don’t remember if I even paid my dad

2021: Not really but I got a new phone

2022: Yeah, I always have to pay for an extra gb each month

2023: I think I just paid my dad a lump sum

Spent most of your money on food? 2015: Quite a bit

2016: That and clothes I don’t need

2017: No, rent

2018: No, rent and shit from Macy’s

2019: Not most of it

2020: Mostly rent

2021: No, mostly dnd stuff

2022: No, mostly DnD stuff and crafts

2023: No, mostly random stuff and tickets

Had a fist fight? 2015: No

2016: No

2017: No

2018: No

2019: No

2020: No

2021: No

2022: No

2023: No

Gotten sick? 2015: Yeah for like half this entire semester. Also got shingles over the summer

2016: Still dealing with my immune system’s decision to just fucking walk out

2017: yes, but not so much now that I’m not in school

2018: Yes, I had a cough that lasted 2 months

2019: I had the stomach flu

2020: I think I had a cold once, it was kind of nice not getting sick every month this year

2021: No, it’s the longest time I’ve ever gone without getting sick

2022: I finally got a cold again after like 3 years and then got another one a week later

2023: I finally got covid

Liked more than 5 people at the same time? 2015: Not seriously. I had brief little interests that overlapped but I don’t think more than 3 at a time that I really liked

2016: Yeah I think so

2017: Not sure

2018: Probably

2019: Not really other than fleeting attractions

2020: No

2021: I don’t think 5

2022: Not 5

2023: No

Became closer with a lot of people? 2015: A few

2016: Not really

2017: A couple

2018: A few

2019: With a couple people

2020: With my boyfriend

2021: No

2022: A few

2023: A couple

Song that reminds you of summer 2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23? 2015: Can’t Help Falling In Love

2016: Bring Him Home

2017: In A Crowd of Thousands

2018: Moving Out

2019: Some jewish song?

2020: Epiphany

2021: Dangerous to Dream

2022: Anything by AJR because I saw them in concert

2023: Long Live

Lost any friends this year? 2015: Yes. One because she was a bitch

2016: A friend died in April, and I found out about it in June. I don’t know how he died, we had not been close in awhile

2017: Temporarily

2018: My last roommates

2019: Not really

2020: Probably my roommates

2021: Not really I don’t think

2022: Not really

2023: Not really

When people say, “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever talked shit about anyone” do you think it’s possible? 2015: Possibly but probably not likely. For awhile I used to think I wasn’t judgmental before I realized I actually am

2016: Unlikely. I’m petty af now

2017: Probably not

2018: Probably not, they probably do even if they don’t mean to

2019: Probably not

2020: Probably not

2021: Probably not unless they have some toxic positivity issues

2022: Doubtful

2023: Doubtful, but some people think in fundamentally different ways than I do

How do you feel about gay marriage? 2015: So glad it’s legal!

2016: Same

2017: Same

2018: It’s great!

2019: Great!

2020: Great!

2021: Love it

2022: Lov it

2023: Love it

Give me a random lyric from the song you’re listening to: 2015: I can’t really make out lyrics

2016: I’m not listening to anything

2017: I’m not listening to anything

2018: I’m not listening to anything

2019: Not listening to anything

2020: If the shoe fits, walk in it Til your high heels break

2021: Not listening to anything

2022: I’m not listening to anything

2023: It's an ad

Do you think you’re approachable? 2015: Not as much as I would like to be

2016: Haven’t solved this problem yet

2017: Not as much as I would like to be

2018: Not as much as I would like to be

2019: Only by customers

2020: Not lately, I would like it if people did not approach me

2021: Not really

2022: Not really

2023: Not really, I wish I was

Do you make sexual innuendos about everything? 2015: Kinda

2016: Not as much as I used to

2017: Only on occasion

2018: Sometimes

2019: Not as much as I used to

2020: Not as much as I used to

2021: Sometimes if I have the right crowd

2022: Yeah I’ve been doing it more again now that I’m comfortable with my friend groups

2023: Sometimes

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? 2015: Not unless it’s like my parents or something

2016: No

2017: Not really

2018: Not really

2019: No

2020: No

2021: Not really

2022: No

2023: Not really, but sometimes I wonder if I share tmi

Who is the last person you texted? 2015: My friend Kylie

2016: My mom

2017: Guacamole

2018: My friend Sara

2019: The art director from the shoot last year

2020: My boyfriend

2021: My mom

2022: Liked a message from my mom

2023: My friend group

Song playing right now? 2015: Because We can

2016: Nothing

2017: Nothing

2018: Nothing, but She Used to be Mine is paused on Spotify

2019: Nothing

2020: Epiphany (but the song that was playing when I answered the lyrics question was Long Story Short)

2021: Nothing

2022: Nothing

2023: Finale B from Rent

[keichanz]

thank you all so much for your kind words and support, my dear friends. i'm doing alright. to be honest, i'm actually more irritated than upset to have lost my job, because the means in which it happened is absolute fucking bullshit.

i'll give a watered down version of what happened if anyone is curious. also if anyone is curious, i gave a bit of a life update, too.

warning: this is gonna be long lmao #sorrynotsorry

basically a few weeks ago i got sick and couldn't work, so i requested a leave of absence. it was approved for two weeks, from the dates 1/31/24 to 2/14/24. my work computer would be locked during that range, so i would be unable to sign in and work.

during that time frame, i had been receiving emails from my work that required me to complete a task confirming that i would be returning to work on the 15th. those emails were delivered to my spam folder, and i wasn't even aware i was supposed to be getting any emails, so i never even thought to check there.

on the 15th, when i went to sign into my computer, i discovered that my computer was still locked. during the last week, my supervisor had been off of work as well because he was also sick, so all of my calls and texts to him were unanswered. also wanna mention i didn't know he was off because i wasn't told. anything.

so basically, nobody told me shit, i didn't complete the required task because i didn't know i had to, my work was like "welp we didn't get this from you so we're taking it that you don't want to return to work, so you're terminated" and there you have it. i lost my job because of their fuck up and in turn they're saying it's my fault.

pretty fucked up, yeah?

but anyway. i honestly can't say that i'm terribly upset. i'd grown to hate the job. it was too overwhelming, and i've learned that i just cannot handle a call center job. i've known this for a while now so for the past few months i've been applying everywhere for a job where it'll still be an office environment because that's what i have the most experience in, but being on the phone constantly isn't a requirement. remote and onsite jobs because i can't afford to be picky.

and some good news, i have an interview friday morning :) it's actually a remote hybrid position, at least that's what the ad said, so i can definitely work with that. might be good to get out of my house every once i a while. working from home has turned me into a bit of a hermit lmao.

now on to the life update. it's been...difficult. my new year did not start off very well. literally on new years day, at about 8 am, i was woken up to the unpleasant sounds of a cat throwing up a hairball. fellow cat owners, i'm sure you all know the sound. so i got up to make sure he was okay and that he got it out of his system. instead what i found was a trail of phlegm and romeo struggling. then he darted off to another part of my house, and i followed after him, worried.

i'm gonna give a little warning just to be safe: the next part mentions blood.

i will never forget the sight that greeted me when i found him and over a month later the image still haunts me. romeo's front was covered in blood, with the stuff literally pouring from his mouth and i fucking screamed and i SPRINTED to my bedroom to get my phone to call the emergency vet. i made an appointment to bring him in, and when i went to check on romeo again, he was in the same spot, however he'd managed to pass a fucking massive hairball. he seemed to be breathing okay and didn't seem to be in any pain, so not knowing what to do, i called my mom and i was sobbing as i tried to explain what happened. she and my sister (who's now living with my parents temporarily but that's another story) ended up coming over to make sure i was okay because when i tell you i was hysterical when i called her, i mean it. i was barely coherent and crying so hard she couldn't understand me.

while i waited for them to arrive, my boyfriend (who i was in a sleep call with and i woke his ass up) kept me calm until they got here. i love that man seriously.

ashley looked romeo over since she'd worked with cats before when she worked for the ASPCA and told he's going to be okay. they managed to calm me down and convinced me not to go to the emergency vet in the city as it'd be a $200 fee. my mom called my local vet, left a message (as they were closed because of the holiday) and we waited for a call back. romeo was still doing okay and i cleaned him up the best i could. guys the amount of blood was...concerning. like seriously i was terrified to see him like that, i seriously thought something was wrong. god it was awful and i'm pretty damn sure i have some kind of PTSD from it. christ.

when the emergency vet called back, she said that romeo is going to be okay and the blood is probably just because the hairball was larger than normal and it aggravated his esophagus. said to just keep an eye on him, try to get him to eat something easily digestable, and if he's still vomiting, to call back and get him in today via emergency services.

so now, moving on. obviously afterward i made an appointment for him at my local vet, and it was discovered there that Romeo had a large matted hairball in his stomach. the vet had no idea how long it had been there, but it definitely needed to be removed, so he was scheduled for surgery. his surgery was about a month ago, and he's recovering very well. i'm beginning to wonder if that hairball had been the culprit of him constantly throwing up because now he's acting like his usual self of having the zoomies and he's throwing up less hairballs. so he's doing much better and i'm grateful, tho i'm still keeping a very close on him because fuck i NEVER want to go through that again. damn cat's gonna give me an ulcer with how much stress he put me through.

but wait, there's more lmao. not cat related, but something i've also been dealing with that i thought had been resolved last fucking YEAR. so, last year - actually around this time in february - i received a notice from the IRS that i owed over $3000 to them because my 2021 tax return did not match what is in federal data bases. and i was like uuuhh what. i had my dad look it over because im dumb when it comes to this sort of thing, and it was discovered that my social security number was used to claim unemployment benefits for the year 2021 in fucking CALIFORNIA. it's unclear if someone in the unemployment services in CA fucked up and typed in somebody's social wrong and used mine instead, or if someone in CA is deliberately using my SSN, but in either case, it's being used to claim UI. so i had to contact the unemployment services in CA which is called employment development department (i'll be calling it EDD) and guys lemme tell they are fucking IMPOSSIBLE to get a hold of. they are so understaffed that if someone is unavailable to take your call the automated system goes "sorry no one is available" and it just disconnects. so i had to call so many times to get myself into the damned queue, and even then the wait is nearly 30 minutes.

so i finally managed to get a human being, i explained everything to him, and he was able to confirm that yeah, i see the claim, you obviously don't live in california, and he told me to submit a fraud report stating that i don't live in ca, i have never lived in ca, i have no attachment to the workforce in ca, ect ect. i so submitted it, and then that was that and i thought that was the end of it and i didn't get anything else from the IRS for the rest of the year.

it was not.

the only reason i realized that this issue had NOT been resolved was because when i went to check the status of my federal tax return because GIMME MY DAMN MONEY I NEED IT, i got a message saying my refund had been "applied to overdue tax obligations" and i was like HELL NO so i called the IRS and yep they confirmed it was because of that stupid fucking unemployment bullshit and after yet again explaining everything that happened, they instructed me to call the EDD and ask for them to send me a corrected 1099 G form so i can in turn send it over to them then after that fill out an identify theft affidavit. so yet again, i called the EDD five million fucking times, managed to get in the queue, waited an ungodly amount of time to talk to a human, only to be told that lol sorry they can't prove that the claim isn't fraud just from what i told them so they can't send me a 1099 G form. im like?? BITCH I DON'T EVEN LIVE IN CALIFORNIA I NEVER HAVE YOU LITERALLY HAVE MY SSN CAN'T YOU LOOK THIS SHIT UP??? but nope they don't have proof so i was told i need to file an appeal on the "disqualification on the claim" (whatever tf that means) and submit ANOTHER fraud report.

so i did both of those things, then filled out the 14039 form (identity theft affidavit) and now i have to wait until march 4th to see if it was accepted and if i'll be getting my refund. which i desperately need because lol i haven't paid my rent this month :')) whoops.

moving on. since about last may, my kitchen has been getting renovated. so currently i do not have a kitchen. i don't have an oven, a kitchen sink, or even storage. well i kinda have storage because my cabinets were recently put up, but i can't use them all yet. i havent really been able to go grocery shopping and i've been living on microwavable meals and a LOT of takeout courtesy of doordash. it sucks because i MISS my kitchen, i wanna cook meals and actually fucking CLEAN MY HOUSE, but i can't. my dad has been amazing since he's the one doing it, and i'm forever grateful to him. my kitchen is about i'd say...maybe 80% finished. we're working on putting in the new flooring right now, so after that, i'll have my stove and sink again. it's nearly there!! i'll post pictures of the before and after is anyone is curious. so yeah i haven't had a kitchen for like almost a whole year lmao. it's been tough :'))

SO.

there you have it, folks. what i've been dealing with for the past month and a half. it has been stressful AF and please god i just need a break uuugghhh. but anyway, i applied for unemployment and waiting to see if i'll be getting anything from them as i continue my job search. hoping the interview friday goes well. i'll post an update if anyone is curious enough i suppose.

.....so i didn't mean for this to get so long lol thanks for sticking around to read the entire thing if you did. i'm glad some of my followers still care ❤️

i love you all and thanks for supporting me after all these years. grateful to have you guys and call you my friends.

anyway i'm gonna go play some DayZ and kill some zombies.

peace!

welp

lost my job lol

[makerscockandballs]

averting my eyes from tumblr telling me to update, just so i can pretend ttumblr live does not exist for a few more days.....