#if Hal can do it then why can’t YOU - yes I’m looking at you - the 14 year old TikTok girl in the city mall

[mermer27]

“My issue” | Gojo x reader

|FIRST POST|

Warning: mention of blood. Kissing and mention Of smut. 16+. Spelling and grammar errors

Summary:

You and Gojo are married and when Gojo got sent on a mission, you got into a fight and barley can out victorious. Not wanting to wait any longer to see Gojo you decided to go home and not see a doctor.

You and Gojo have been married for almost 2 years now. At this point, you have figured out how to fit both of you working as jujutsu sorcerers (and gojo working as a teacher at jujutsu high school) into your life well still being able to indulge in your typical couple things. It does get lonely sometimes but I always remind myself of the moments we hug and kiss after a long day.

Gojo was sent out on a two-week-long mission. I missed him so badly. I just got stuck with boring missions but it made sense since you only just got promoted to grade 1 sorcerers and you didn’t get there easily due to personnel reasons.

On the last day of the Gojo’s mission you got sent out on a mission witch turned to shit in seconds

What was supposed to be a grade 3 curse that was fooling around in an old school turned into a special grade curse spirit.

The only reason why I was the one sent out was because the school was on a side of town that no one dared to go to because of its high criminal rate. You only went because of the money. When you went to the location you got caught in a very horrible battle with this spirit. You made it out alive but just barely. You made multiple wounds and were bleeding a lot.

“I can’t be late for Gojo’s arrival,” you thought. Even with your wounds you only thought of him

You make it home and are still in a great deal of pain. You slowly walk upstairs and take a shower to wash all the blood off and get your hair nice and clean. You put gauze and bandages around all of your wounds but even with them still there, the pain does not go away.

“Just make it till the morning and then we can go to the doctor,” you say to yourself in the mirror. You put a cute and sexy outfit on the covers of the bandages not wanting Gojo to see any of them because you know that he would flip out if he found out.

You give yourself one final look and go downstairs to make dinner. “What do we hal- ohh..” You remember that you were meant to get groceries when you were out but you forgot. “Well, a home-made dinner might be everything Gojo would want he is going to have to deal with pizza”.

As you put down the phone from calling the pizza place, you hear the door open and a very familiar voice. “I’m home!” Gojo says as you run towards him. Swinging your arms around him and your legs around his slutty waist. “I think someone missed me,” his tired voice said.

Yes, yes you missed him so much. You just wanted to strip him there but knew you couldn’t. “I forgot to get groceries for dinner tonight so you're going to have to deal with pizza,” you say looking at his beautiful blue eyes. “You forgot? That's nothing like you, what were you doing that made you forget?”Gojo says taking his shoes off. “Ya well, I got a little busy with a curse, it was meant to be a grade- hum” you start to say stopping yourself because you don’t want him to ask questions. “Sorry got lost for a second there, I meant to say it was just a strong grade 3 curse, that gave me a bit of trouble”. He looks at you with eyes of worry as you both walk into the living room and sit down. “Are you hurt darling?” He asked with a voice that made him sound like he already knew the answer. “No I'm not hurt at all, as if I would let a curse touch me” you respond. You turn on the TV and snuggle into Gojo in a way that would not hurt. You guys also ate the whole pizza by yourself.

He knows, you know he knows, or does he? The whole movie you trying to figure out if he knew. If he did he would carry you like a kid and take you to the doctors but he wasn’t. Yet that look on his face earlier, those eyes.

The movie ends and you both start to walk upstairs. You felt like collapsing but just put it off as being tired.

As u both are walking up the stairs you trip over your foot but catch yourself before you hit the ground. Looking at the stairs you feel an arm pick you up. “Ok, that’s it, what is going on with you? I know you and you would never trip or not clearly say something on the first try or eat the whole pizza and not put half away for the morning. What is going on” Gojo asked with a worried face and sad eyes. “Nothing I’m fine, I'm just really tired you see”. You say walking past him into the bedroom not making eye contact with Gojo not wanting to see how worried he looked.

You couldn’t bear it, seeing him worry or feel sad towards you. You hate being the problem or the topic of the conversation. That was your weakness, your “issue”. You wait for Gojo to get changed so you can get into PJ’s.

Gojo walks out only wearing plaid PJ pants and no shirt. He looked so hot, you just wanted to make out with him right there. You stand up to go and do so but the moment you stand up your ears start ringing and you feel yourself falling right onto Gojo.

The last thing you hear is Gojos pleads asking if I was ok or for me to get up before losing consciousness.

You wake up in the hospital. “Gojo..” you say very weak. Gojo wakes up and stands up off the chair he was sleeping in saying “Y/n! Holy shit don’t ever do that again… you scared me”. He hugs you so tightly like he has never hugged you before. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault!” You say completely breaking down.

“No it's mine for not noticing, all I care about is that you're safe my love,” Gojo says pulling away. You gasp as you notice Gojo’s beautiful teary blue eyes. “No need to cry over me,” you say.

Gojo stares at you saying “You are everything to cry over. Your everything”

[gumnut-logic]

Polly

The Adventures of Chicken Dad by WhatGaviiFormes

This little ficlet was written for @onereyofstarlight with all the permissions from @whatgaviiformes to use her wonderful Chicken Dad AU for my own nefarious purposes - if you haven't read that AU go there now and read it. Lots of Gordon and Virgil and FishTank.

I can only hope to live up to the majesty of that which is Chicken Dad. In this we have some Gords and Johnny and a chicken that @onereyofstarlight gave him and I hijacked. Piccy above is the genuine Johnny and his chicken from her Stardew Valley game :D

Thank you to both of you for allowing me to use your creations :D

I hope you enjoy.

-o-o-o-

“Here, hold her for me.”

John suddenly had his hands full of fluffy white chicken.

“Gordon!”

“Shh, you’ll scare her.” Gordon bent down and made his own version of clucking noises at the wriggling bird. “Isn’t that right, Polly. Don’t let the spaceman scare you. He’s harmless, I promise.”

“Gordon.” But John said his brother’s name a touch quieter.

Polly, for all her agitation, eventually settled in his hold, turning towards him as if to inspect her roost. A single chirp and apparently he had her approval.

Gordon, of course, was grinning at the both of them. “You’re a natural.”

Natural what, was the question. John had come down to talks accounts with Gordon. There had been some good results with several of the new products they introduced this season and John wanted to discuss the options for next season.

Though he had to admit it was just an excuse to drop in on his brother. Between rescues and TI, John hadn’t seen Gordon in a couple of months.

The fact John had arrived unannounced this morning had led to hunting his brother down in the chicken pens. This one apparently only held Polly.

“Why is she by herself?”

Gordon looked up at him. “Polly? Smother-henned. The other girls won’t leave her alone. So we separated her out to give her a break.”

John looked at the chicken. She had a sprinkling of feathers around her head that stuck out at odd angles giving her a touch crazed appearance.

“I can understand that.”

Gordon snorted. “I thought you might.”

John frowned. That sounded pre-meditated. “You knew I was coming today.”

Another snort. “Of course, I did.”

“Eos.”

“God, no. She still hasn’t forgiven me for the Hal joke.”

“I don’t blame her.”

“Ahh, c’mon, I was complimenting her.”

“By comparing her to an insane murdering computer.”

“Eh, family is family.”

“Now, I’m considering taking offence.”

Gordon straightened up and turned back to him. “Aww, c’mon, Johnny, you love me. You know you do.”

“Yeah, well, family is family.”

Gordon gave him a flat stare. “Touche. Anyway, it was Virgil who dobbed you in.”

“Virgil’s in Germany.”

“He has a phone.”

“How did he…?”

“Hey, don’t ask me, I’m not the brother whisperer.”

John grunted and shifted his weight.

Polly clucked at him.

“So you knew I was coming.”

“Yeah. Thought it would be a good time to give you your chicken.”

“My chicken.”

“Polly. She’s been waiting weeks for you.”

“I don’t want a chicken. What would I do with a chicken?”

“Be nice. You’ll hurt her feelings.”

“She’s a chicken, Gordon.”

“Yes, your chicken.”

He stared down and the mostly white chicken with just a splash of dark spots. “I can’t look after a chicken in space.’

“I didn’t say you had to take her into space. She can stay here, but she is yours.”

“Why?”

“There has to be a reason?”

“Of course!”

“Well, Scott has a chicken. Virgil has several, he’s a bit of an addict, apparently. Even Alan has a duck.” Gordon threw up his hands. “What can I say, I wanted to make sure you had your stake here as well.”

There was something in Gordon’s voice.

John swallowed. “I have a lot of stake here, Gordon. You are here.”

Gordon looked away. “I didn’t want you to think I had forgotten you.”

“I didn’t.”

“Good. And now you have a chicken.” Gordon turned back to doing whatever he was doing.

John looked down at Polly.

She was eyeing him again.

He let out a sigh. Gordon was being Gordon, so understanding was optional, but he was his brother and love and support was mandatory.

“Thank you, Gordon.”

His brother still had his back to him, busily doing stuff. “You are welcome, Spaceman.”

Polly clucked in agreement.

“And Polly is short for Polaris.” Gordon finally turned to face him, a soft smile on his lips. “Maybe she can help you find your way here more often.”

A bird squawked in the distance and Polly sat up straighter, fluffing her feathers.

Gordon placed a gentle hand on his arm. “Anytime, John, no pressure. Just know that you are always welcome here.” Bright brown eyes gleamed at him.

There was something tight in John’s throat. “I will. I do.”

“Good.” Gordon smiled again before turning back to sweeping out the pen.

“After all, I have to visit my chicken.”

Gordon eyed him, but John could only smile.

-o-o-o-

[elvesandlanterns]

Ghost Helpline Part 5

“Tt-” Damian opened his phone as soon as he received the second notification, his ‘colleges’ were making too much insipid noise.

“What just happened,” Hal held his head in his hands. He really thought nothing else’s could surprise him anymore. Monsters, magic, hell Hal dealt with aliens everyday… yeah right he dealt with aliens every day. Different cultures, values and morals. And after all what’s an interdenominational demon but another type of alien? Hal settled down next to Barry, this wasn’t bad. Right this wasn’t bad at all kids an are still just kids no matter the species.

Clark took control of the meeting outlining everything that had happened and going over the next steps with the magicians. Constantine insured everyone that there was such a thing as ‘good’ demon, but that they were not the type to want to involve themselves with humans … like at all. Which left the group at an impasse.

“I’m not saying she’s evil or anything! She might just be a sweet girl but she is still dangerous. Demons are known for their greed and deception. Even if she isn’t strong enough to fight any of us she can just as easily trick one of you idiots out of your lives.” John hated all of this. He hated working with the justice losers, he hated himself for dragging a kid into this mess and he was just so tired.

Red Robin fingers were clicking quick and sharp, making a file on Konstelacio. Writing down looks, personality and of course theories. “Tim! You can’t just put in “ex-criminal” or “disease” maybe her skin is just like that!”

“Then why wasn’t any of it on her face?”

“Tt- unlike the rest of you, some of us are actually doing something important here.”

“Robin we are trying to strategize-“

“Yes well I am am trying to zero in on her location.”

The room quieted.

“Robin report.”

“She was in Wisconsin a few minutes ago, some forest in the middle of nowhere. I’ll share the coordinates.” Dick was absolutely appalled, “When did you put a tracker on her?!?! Oh my god what if she figures it out and comes back to hurt you! What were you thinking?” Wait… no, oh damn it Damian, “It was on the handkerchief wasn’t it?” That’s why Damian had been so ready to part with it. He would admit that it was clever, but this was his little brother! Dick had every right to worry.

“Well where is she now?”

“Pismo, California where else.”

Barry felt Hal tense next to him, “Bear, Bear please tell me that isn’t where the dragon is.”

——- —- —- —- —- —- —- —— —— —— —— ——

Billy Batson boarded the javelin, missions with Dr. Fate were the worst! He missed Nelson. The man had a way of making conversation, of keeping Nabu silent. This new Dr Fate just didn’t know went to stop, and was just so uptight! No wonder Klarion hates the guy.

Billy sighed at least he’d be home soon. Well one of them at least… he wondered if his family would be done moving into the new house yet. Ugh Gotham

[peekaboo-icyou]

I am here to deliver another prompt for mafia wilbur

Mafia!Wilbur who has shut everyone out of his life and refuses to let anyone in. That is, until the reader either gets kidnapped by the mafia or is a new recruit and she is just really timid and kinda scared of everyone especially wilbur and he doesn’t know why but he hates the idea of her being scared of him so he tries to open up to her and stuff and they fall in loveeeeee ooohohhh

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION ❤️❤️❤️

Fear

Ever since Wilbur hired you as his personal assistant and secretary he’s noticed your strange behavior you listen to everything he says and make sure everything is perfect but he can hear the nervousness in your voice every time you talk to him, he thinks it may be the coldness in his voice or his cold gaze he has almost shut everyone of his life but ever since he first laid eyes on you he’s become a little softer every day he thinks your adorable, the nervous way you act around him, how you look at him, how you call him sir or mr.soot but the only thing he hates is how you look so terrified of him every time you hear him yell or start to look angry or him just speaking in general.

Today his heart shattered when you had seen him kill and torture a whole group of people he felt horrible he didn’t even see you walk into the room all he saw when he looked behind him and there was a terrified girl that looked frozen in fear and was about to cry “hey hey shhh it’s ok” he rushes towards you and bends down and looks into your eyes “they were bad people everything will be okay” he hugs and comforts you as you visibly about to faint I mean you were sweating and shaking, he carefully carries you upstairs and sits you on the couch “there you go, love” he holds your hands and helps you breathe “breathe with me love, in…out….in….out” after you calm down he decides that maybe now would be a good time to ask why you are so terrified of everyone “so love can I ask you a question?” You look at him still scared and nod “why are you so scared of everyone I mean you don’t do anything wrong so why would you be scared?” You look at him “b-but what if I do actually do something wrong and mess up I-I don’t know what you or anyone else is capable of a-an-and” you start crying “hey hey love it’s alright I understand what you mean but no one will hurt you unless you were a threat and trust me you don’t look like a threat” you sniffle “really?” He smiles softly “really, in fact your the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen a-and I’ve had like a school boy crush on you ever since you walked into my office and I was actually planning to ask you out tomorrow” (he actually wasn’t he could never he’s to scared of rejection) now your face is super red “whys your face so red” he looks at you confused “y-you just confessed” he turns into a tomato “I-I did?” You nod “I-uh just forget that umm it’s getting late you can stay the night if you would like” you nod

and ever since then you both have been together almost everyday doing stuff besides work, such as going to fancy restaurants or the movies or cute little picnics, hes been very cautious about being in public with you so he has tons of security that are secretly hidden around so they don’t interrupt your private time and after a few months you move in with him because he’s worried something will happen to you.

“Oh darling I’m so glad you decided to move in with me” he hugs you tight “I did?” He smiles “remember the other night when you were a little tipsy I asked you if you loved me enough to move in with me and you said yes” you giggle “that doesn’t count” “well to late the movers are already bringing your stuff” he kisses you and puts his hands on your hips “oh I love you so much baby…” you giggle “I love you too” he puts his head in you neck and whispers in your ear “I can’t wait to marry you and fill you with my kids” you gasp and playfully punch him and push him away “WIL!” He chuckles “I’m just joking darling well half joking” he spins you around “so how many?” After a few months of you living together he finally proposed, youd been dating for a year and a half then. It was a romantic night, a full moon, and a picnic in a flower field. TBC

I ran out of space I’ll try to make part 2 as fast as I can lol

[i-eat-worlds]

A Late Night Discovery

This is a crossover with @pigeonwhumps ‘s story Immortal Cannon Fodder, who Phoenix and Aaron belong to. Set during Joseph’s time working in Hero Alliance London’s medbay.

cw: medical whump, depictions of wounds, discussions of abuse; primarily denial of medical care and fear of punishment, hospital setting, author’s questionable knowledge of British English

Joseph sighs as he finishes organizing the last shelf of supplies. His shift has been pretty slow, and he’d spent most of the time doing housekeeping. They’d gotten a shipment of supplies, and since he had nothing better to do, he ended up restocking the supply rooms. That was how he’d ended up in the fifteen hundred hallway supply room with twenty minutes left in his shift.

If Joseph is being honest, he doesn’t know why the fifteen hundred hallway even has a supply closet. The old patient rooms had been converted into office space, but the supply closet still needed to be stocked, for some reason. When he’d done inventory, most of the stuff had only ever been touched to move it somewhere else. So, he is very surprised when another person walks in.

They’re wearing a battered HAL uniform, minus a mask, arm wrapped protectively around their waist and panting heavily. It’s obvious that they’re injured and in pain. His medic mode kicks in as he steps out from behind the shelf and moves closer. “Hey, are you okay?”

The hero jolts when they see him, scampering away into a corner of the room. Joseph would’ve sworn he’d seen them before, but he couldn’t quite place where. He squats down in front of them, keeping his expression neutral. “Are you injured? I’m a medic, I can help.”

The words seem to make them more nervous. “I’m sorry,” they blabber, “I didn’t mean to intrude, please.”

Joseph sighs. This is going to be complicated. “I’m not going to hurt you. You look like you need some help, that’s all. Do you want to go to the medbay?”

This helps even less. “No, no, I wouldn’t do that.” They shake their head vigorously. “I don’t-I don’t wanna waste.”

So no medbay. At least not yet, though it’s an odd response to the question. He can see the long, bloody gash on their side from the other side of the closet, though. They need help, sooner rather than later. “Can I take a look?” He offers instead.

The hero hesitates before nodding yes. They seem to be in a state of petrified silence, eyes following Joseph as he opens up one of the brand-new boxes of gloves he’d just placed on the shelves and pulls a pair on, then kneels down next to them. “I’m Joseph, by the way. Do you have a name?”

“Phoenix,” they say quietly.

So that’s where he knows them from. The name is all it takes for him to finally recognize them. They’re the poor kid who came in a couple of weeks ago with their mouth stitched shut, the one who apologized continuously for just existing. He’s pretty sure they’re on one of the teams that Aaron does medical for. “I’m gonna pull your hand away so I can look, yeah?”

Phoenix nods, letting Joseph carefully move their hand away from the wound. “Sorry if this hurts,” he says as he inspects it, trying not to poke or prod too much.

It’s not as bad as he’d thought it would be, especially considering Phoenix's healing abilities. It’s about six inches long, but he can’t see any lobules of fat sticking out, so it probably won’t need stitches. The bleeding isn’t horrible, and he doubts Phoenix will notice by the morning. Still, he’d like to clean it out, get something on it, and maybe get them some antibiotics.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” He asks as he tears open a package of gauze and presses it into the wound.

Phoenix barely inches at the pain. “No, sir. I’m not.”

“Alright,” he says, keeping pressure as he speaks. “I’m going to need to clean this out and bandage it up, and I’d like to do that somewhere a little nicer than a storage room floor.” Phoenix is looking up at him with the same fear filled eyes he’d seen a few weeks before. “Can you walk to the medbay, or do I need to get some help?”

Their eyes go wide at that. “I don’t need the medbay.” He’s never seen somebody shake their head so much. “I’m immortal, I’ll be okay. We can do it here.” There's a couple seconds of silence, then Phoenix speaks again. “I’ve been to the medbay too many times recently. Abbie says I can’t go anymore, or else-or else I’ll get punished.” They speak very quietly.

So that’s what’s going on. Aaron had warned him about Abbie when he first arrived, and now he knows why. She’s an abusive asshole. “We don’t have to tell anyone,” Joseph says. “I can’t tell anybody anything without your permission, and the medbay is pretty empty right now.”

Phoenix hesitates before answering. “I’ll go. I’m sorry for disagreeing.”

“It’s okay,” He says, using one hand to keep pressure while he unpackages a roll of bandages. “I’m going to wrap these around you, okay?” Phoenix nods, repositioning themself so that it’s easier. “Does anyone else know that Abbie would punish you for going down to the medbay?”

“Aaron, and Kai,” They say, voice shaky as they speak. “Please don’t report it. I’m getting a transfer. It’s just for a little bit longer.”

“I won’t,” he says, and he means it. He will talk to Aaron about maybe expediting that process though. “Let’s get you up.”

He helps them to stand, then wraps their arm around his waist-Phoenix is too short for his shoulders-and guides them out the door.

The halls are all pretty much empty, and most of the staff is used to seeing bleeding, injured heroes around, and they probably wouldn’t have batted an eye at Joseph helping Phoenix down the hallway anyway. As they get closer to the medbay, things get busier. He can feel Phoenix leaning into him, and he can hear the way their breath hitches with every step. “We’re nearly there,” he comforts, “Just a little bit longer.”

Finally, they arrive in the heart of the medbay. The room is pretty calm, some nurses bustling about, a couple gathered in the break room. Tori, the charge nurse, is sitting at her desk, busily typing away. She looks up when she hears him walk in “I thought you’d left…”Her voice trails o when she sees Phoenix leaning against him, bandages wrapped around their abdomen. “Treatment six is open.”

“Thank you, Tori,” he says as he walks through the nurses station to get to the room. “Can you page Dr. Thomas?”

“No problem,” she says, already reaching for the phone.

Joseph thanks her before pulling the curtain around treatment six closed and getting to work. “Can you hop up on the table while I get some things ready?”

Phoenix listens, paper crinkling as they pull themself up onto the exam table and carefully lay down. “I’m sorry for making you work late.” They swallow nervously, watching as Joseph replaces his soiled gloves with fresh ones.

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t mind,” he says, grabbing the blood pressure cuff from the basket on the wall. As if he, or really any decent human being, would’ve left them bleeding in a storage room because their shift was over. “I’m gonna take some vitals, and then I’ll treat your wound. Aaron might pop in soon, is that okay?”

They nod, but their eyebrows furrow like they’re confused. It’s quick and painless; first temperature, then blood oxygen, heart rate and respirations, and finally blood pressure. He’s typing it in their chart when Aaron walks in.

“Good evening, Joseph,” he says as he rubs some sanitizing gel on his hands. “How are you doing, Phoenix?”

“I got hit, I’m sorry, sir,” they say with a hint of shame in their voice.

“It’s not deep. It’ll be okay.”

“We’ll get it taken care of,” Aaron says, then turns to Joseph. “Obs?”

“Pretty much normal,” he reports, “Pulse and bp are elevated but that’s not surprising.”

Aaron nods, and he’s about to ask another question but Phoenix starts first. “I tried to deal with it myself, sir. Mr. Joseph caught me. It’s my fault, I know, but please, please, please don’t tell Abbie.” The words fall out of their mouth in a panicked string. They sound like they’re pleading for their life. Joseph worries that it’s not far off from the truth.

“I won’t do that, Phoenix, I promise.” Aaron is seething right now, and Joseph can tell, even though he’s got his doctor face on. “I’m going to take a look at your wound now. It might hurt a little bit, but I’m not going to cause more pain than I need to, alright.”

Joseph hands him the scissors, and he quickly cuts the bandage away. “Oh yeah, that’s not too bad at all.” Arron sounds pleasantly surprised. “You feel okay with Joseph closing it? I need to go get you some antibiotics.”

“Yes,” Phoenix says, though Joseph can see them shift towards Aaron. They look less nervous when he’s in the room.

“It’s okay if you aren’t. Nobody will be angry.” Aaron assures them.

Their bottom lip starts to tremble a little bit. “Please stay,” they whisper, desperate. “I-I’m sorry. I know it’s stupid because it's not that bad and I’m gonna be fine, but please stay.” They sniffle, trying to keep the tears in. “It’s okay, I can stay,” Aaron says, squeezing their shoulder. “How about I hold your hand while Joseph takes care of your wound. Would that be good?”

They nod tearfully. “Thank you. ’m sorry for causing trouble.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not your fault.” Aaron moves over to Phoenix’s uninjured so Joseph can get to work. He takes their hand, smiling comfortingly.

Joseph steps up to their side. “I’m going to have to clean it out first, and after that, I’ll use some strips of silk tape to keep it closed,” he explains.

Phoenix watches in what looks concerningly like awe as treats their wound. Joseph apologizes in advance before he flushes it out, and he can see on Aaron's face how tight their grip is during that part. The flushing doesn’t knock too many clots loose, and it doesn’t take him very long to get the bleeding back under control so he can close it. It’s not deep enough to need stitches, which makes Phoenix very happy, and the process of taping it closed is almost painless. The look on their face when Joseph says that he’s done makes it seem like they were expecting something a lot worse. After he’s done with his notes, Aaron reminds him that it’s about an hour or so past his shift change and that he should probably go home. After he leaves, he presumes that Phoenix gets the “please seek help from medical staff when you are injured” speech. He’s given that one a few times, but never in a situation like theirs.

When he showers that night, he scrubs himself extra hard, eager to remove the icky feeling that hearing them beg caused. Because they weren’t allowed to get medical treatment. They were afraid that she’d do who knows what to them, because they got medical treatment, and it makes his blood boil. Abbie is a pathetic excuse for a team leader, heck, she’s a pathetic excuse for a human being. He promises himself that if he ever gets the chance, he’ll make her regret every single thing she’s done to them. Every. Single. Thing.

[superbattrash]

Superbat: The Boy With The Pearl Earring

Alternative title: nemestie gives me too many ideas

So. @annoyingartblizzardskeleton did some DM magic and I wrote a few notes. Then @superbatlvr1 shared one of his piercing hcs (THANK YOU BBY) and here we are. Enjoy! 

Clark pierces Bruce’s ear on an undercover mission :) 

“Are you sure?” Clark asks nervously.

Bruce sighs and his entire back aches from the movement. He’s been sighing a lot these past few hours. “Yes, Clark, for the last time, I am absolutely sure,” he says.

“It’s gonna hurt.” Clark is biting at his lip and Bruce is not distracted by it at all. He’s got things to do, people – well, aliens – to spy on. He can’t be distracted by Clark’s teeth biting into the soft flesh of his lower lip, denting it, making it flush red when he releases it.

“It’s a piercing, it’s supposed to hurt,” Bruce says when he finally finds a way to shake himself out of his thoughts. He just needs this over with; he’s not exactly a fan of the situation either.

“I don’t like this,” Clark says and drops his hands by his sides. He’s been doing this a lot; moving his hands around as he speaks and removing them from Bruce’s proximity whenever they talk about what he’s actually supposed to do.

“I get that,” Bruce says and even though he’s trying to sound patient, he can hear the edge in his own voice.

Clark flinches at his tone (it’s not the first time today, and any other day Bruce might have taken a tiny bit of pleasure knowing he has such a strong effect on what is essentially the strongest being in the universe, but this isn’t the time or place for that kind of thinking), and Bruce breathes through his nose to calm himself down. He continues in a slightly softer voice: “But I can’t place the needle at the right angle myself without damaging the device.”

“And you really want to do this?” Clark asks. Again.

Bruce finally turns his entire body towards Clark. He clasps his hands in his lap to keep from just grabbing Clark’s hands and bringing them up to his ear.

“You’re not even really piercing it, okay?” he says. “You’re re-piercing it. You’re just opening up an old piercing, alright? That’s not nearly as bad.”

“It’s still pretty bad.”

“I know and I’m sorry but-” Another sigh. “This is the best we can do, okay? And I need your help here, Kal. I can’t do this by myself.”

Bruce wishes he could, he really does, but it’s an event for bonded pairs. Not single men looking for a good time. If it was, he would’ve been chosen for the mission in the first place and not desperately trying to fill in after realizing that bonding pairs were the same damn gender. He should’ve been aware of this, but his background information was lacking; he’ll obviously fix this mistake for future references but that’s not going to save them now.

“Okay,” Clark agrees quietly, and he looks like Bruce just told him he has to give up the puppy he found on the street.

Bruce is going to strangle Hal for this.

It’s the Lantern’s fault they’re even in this mess. If he hadn’t gone and gotten himself captured, they wouldn’t have to attend a fancy alien party to try and save his ass. Although Bruce supposes it’s mostly the other Lanterns’ fault for dragging the League into this, but it’s easier to be angry at the Lantern he knows and loathes. Alright, so maybe he’s a little overdramatic but he’s not exactly in a forgiving mood right now.

They need to figure out where the Kroloteans have taken Hal and without an easy way onto their ship, they’ll need to do all the recon they can beforehand. Which is why Bruce is trying to convince Clark to pierce – sorry, re-pierce – his ear.

The listening device is in an earring, because bonded pairs wear matching jewelry. The device transmits back to the ship where Diana, J’onn and Shayera are waiting. The plan was for Diana to be here with Clark, because they’re both human looking enough to go as Earthlings but with just enough of them being different that they won’t be considered too weak to attend the ritual. They’re also strong enough to defend themselves, should it come to that. Bruce made sure to design the earring elegantly but effectively. It wouldn’t get in the way of a fight or interfere with Diana’s usual uniform. Which is also why Clark’s piece of jewelry is a large bracelet, covering most of his wrist. Bruce would simply switch the pieces, if he could, but he has no equipment capable of piercing Clark’s ears – obviously – and so they have to improvise.

Bruce, however, does have his ears pierced. Or rather he did have one ear pierced. It’s been several years, if not over a decade since he’s last worn any type of jewelry it in though. Hence, once again, why he needs assistance. The device is rather fragile and he’s not sure he could press it through his ear without ruining the circuits inside it. Clark can – and not just because he can see through the material. He’s always extremely careful when handling people, whether it be physically or mentally. Bruce trusts him to do this.

“How come you only have one ear pierced?” Clark asks and it’s clearly his attempt at distraction. Bruce isn’t sure if he’s trying to distract himself or Bruce but either way, Bruce is more than willing to make this as comfortable for Clark as he can.

“I only needed one,” he says.

“Because?” Clark prompts as he cleans the needle. His hands are steady the way Superman’s hands always are, but he’s still hesitant. It’s clear in his voice.

“I had an earring made when I was younger,” Bruce explains quietly. “From one of my mother’s necklaces.” There’s really no reason to tell Clark which necklace he’s referring to but of course the story doesn’t make much sense without that piece of information. Either way the look on Clark’s face lets Bruce know that he doesn’t have to explain that part.

“Oh,” he says quietly, and he’s got that sad look on his face again.

“I can’t quite remember much of how the night went by after-” Bruce soldiers on.

“Bruce, you don’t have to-”

“-but when I got home, I had a single pearl in my hand. Alfred obviously wouldn’t let me keep it; it was covered in blood.” That last bit comes out rougher than he means it to and Bruce swallows with difficulty. His throat feels tight, and he blinks a few times to make sure no tears can betray him. There’s really nothing Clark can say, and Bruce realizes he’s not making him feel any better about this, so he pushes on, ignoring the catch in his throat: “Anyway, when I turned fifteen, I found it stashed away and I had it made into an earring.”

He skips past the part where he sobbed for days after finding it, the part about Alfred scolding him for roaming through his things, the part where Bruce ran away with nothing but that silly pearl in his hand. Alfred found him, he always does, still to this day, but it took hours and hours. The atmosphere in the manor was tense and awkward for weeks and it didn’t help that Bruce went out and got his ear pierced only to switch to the pearl earring mere hours later. It was a miracle that it didn’t get more infected than it did. It warranted another scolding but as soon as Alfred saw the earring, he stopped yelling.

“There was only one pearl, so I never saw a reason to get both ears pierced,” Bruce ends, a little awkwardly. He’s not quite sure why he shared that story. It’s not a particular happy one, nor is it relevant to their mission.

“Do you still have it?” Clark asks gently.

“Somewhere, yes. I stopped wearing it when I turned eighteen. Cool boys don’t wear their mother’s jewelry, you know?” It’s a sad attempt at humor but the story is much less sweet than Bruce aimed for.

“I think it’s a nice sentiment,” Clark says. He swipes Bruce’s earlobe with the antibacterial pad and then presses his finger against Bruce’s skin until he feels the old hole. It’s clear that he’s doing this for Bruce’s benefit. He could’ve easily just looked through Bruce’s ear and pushed the needle through without the show of preparation. “I’m sure your mother would have been happy.”

“Probably not about the piercing,” Bruce says and then sucks in a quick breath as Clark pushes the needle through his ear. Could’ve done with a warning there but Clark’s hands are gentle on his skin and soothe the slight ache as best they can. “The sentiment, maybe.”

“Either way I think it’s a sweet thought,” Clark says and fastens the earring.

It’s not at all like his mother’s pearl; it’s a simple golden stud with a small diamond in the middle. Enough light reflection to hide the microchip should someone get close enough to want to search for it. It’s pretty, Bruce designed it with Diana in mind after all, and the Amazonian deserves jewelry beautiful enough to suit her. She also wouldn’t leave the cave until he’d made it just the way she wanted it. Joke’s on Diana; there’s no reason for her to keep the earring after this.

“All done,” Clark says with a smile. He doesn’t remove his hands from Bruce’s face though.

There’s something oddly intimate about having Clark’s hands on him like this, on his skin, so close. He’s cradling Bruce’s jaw gently in his strong hand, turning his head slightly to see how the earring looks. The piercing didn’t hurt, not really, Bruce meant it when he said Clark was merely re-piercing his ear, but it is still an odd sensation, having Clark’s hands cause him even the slightest bit of pain. Clark is always so careful, so afraid to hurt anyone he doesn’t mean to. Even those he should want to hurt, he hesitates to lay his hands on. It’s an admirable moral he keeps to, albeit not always one that Bruce agrees with.

Today though… today he’s grateful that Clark is a gentle soul with a good heart. To be fair there aren’t many days where he isn’t, but he doesn’t like admitting to that; there’s no reason to make Clark do that I-knew-you’d-come-around smile of his. He does that plenty as it is. In Clark’s defense, Bruce has absolutely come around already. He’s willing to admit it to himself (unspoken, obviously) while Clark is caressing his skin to make sure he’s alright.

“Is it bad?” Clark asks and finally takes a step back.

Bruce instantly misses the warmth of his hands while simultaneously feeling like he can breathe properly for the first time in an eternity. He really has to get his feelings under better control, but he’s stressed out right now and going undercover on a mission he hasn’t personally prepared for. Thank God he insisted on planning everything with Diana and Clark from the moment they came up with this plan.

Not that they’d ever been allowed to leave the Watchtower without him knowing every single detail anyway. Bruce might have a small issue with control. He’s working on it. Sort of.

“Not at all,” Bruce says, because he doesn’t want Clark to keep looking at him like he’s going to fall to his knees crying. “Are you ready to do this?”

“Of course,” is Clark’s instant reply, and Bruce expected no less.

The ceremonial gown is a bit much – and absolutely impractical to wear in a fight – but at least Clark is allowed to keep his suit on. Bruce is sending a silent thank you to the Kryptonian designer who made sure the thing can be manipulated by Clark’s touch alone. While he’s only ever seen Kryptonian ceremonial clothes on a screen, Clark’s uniform is a pretty good dupe all things considered. He might be supposedly human but there’s no harm in dressing in a powerful species’ designs. The high neck is a nice touch and makes him look almost royal.

The downside to Clark’s uniform being so easy to fix is that Bruce has to match. Diana could get away with her Amazonian uniform – nobody would look twice at her and deny her access anywhere – Bruce cannot. Mostly because Diana refused to let him wear it even if it would fit but also because he has to match Clark properly now that they have more details for the ritual. Bruce would have liked more than an hour’s warning, but he’ll take what he can get. Which is also why he doesn’t comment on the gown that’s presented to him; apparently, he looks human enough (and isn’t that an insult in and of itself? He’s wearing the batsuit!) that he’s assumed to be Clark’s… pet? Companion? Slave? Bruce isn’t entirely sure.

Either way their hosts have graciously prepared a dress – a gown – for Bruce to wear. Once again Bruce wants to strangle a Lantern, although this time it’ll be Kyle. Why he felt the need to reach out to the Kroloteans for proper etiquette (and share color schemes) instead of actually joining the League in their mission, Bruce will never know. There’s nothing he can do about it now and he tries not to frown too much as he sheds his own uniform.

Clark has graciously turned his back so Bruce can pretend he’s got any privacy. They’re in a small room; there is no privacy for either of them. If Bruce breathes in hard enough, he can smell Clark’s cologne from here. Or maybe it’s just how he smells. It’s warm and earthy and makes Bruce think of broad fields and sunny afternoons.

He pulls the gown up over his hips and closes the odd broch-like clasps at his shoulders. The red isn’t that bad but combined with the blue sash he feels like he just got branded on his ass: Superman’s property. He can’t dwell on that, they’re already late to their plans but he still pulls at the skirt awkwardly. Is he supposed to pick it up, so he doesn’t step on it? It’s not like it’s the first time he’s been in a dress (Brucie Wayne should be a full-time job), but this is a little different. He’s thankful for the slit running all the way up his thigh if nothing else, because it makes it easier to move around, even though he is showing a lot of leg, even by Brucie standards.

The gown, the silly colors, the possession-stamp basically written on his ass Bruce can live with; he doesn’t care that a bunch of aliens think Clark owns him or is bonded to him, it’s a mission like any other. But. His cowl.

Kyle was very specific. Any sort of alteration in the ceremonial uniform will be taken as an insult. So, the cowl is a no go.

“Wishing you had one of Robin’s domino masks right now?” Clark asks with a soft smile on his face.

He’s nervous, Bruce can tell. He’s trying not to show it and Bruce gets that. It’s not like they do this every day. Punching bad guys and saving Earth? That they know how to do. Pretend to be a bonded pair long enough to figure out where their teammate is being held hostage? Not so much. If only this was a punch first, ask questions later kind of mission they could’ve sent Shayera in here instead.

“I do, actually,” Bruce says because he does. He always carries an extra mask in his utility belt for emergencies. While it doesn’t happen often, breaking a mask isn’t unheard of, especially with his boys. They’re self-sacrificing idiots, which Bruce only knows because – as Alfred puts it – they haven’t learned that from strangers. “But I’m not sure it would go with the outfit.”

“Which looks amazing on you, by the way.” It’s Clark’s attempt at making Bruce smile. It absolutely works.

“I couldn’t let you grab all the attention now, could I?” Bruce fires back and he is suddenly eternally grateful that their communicators are off for the moment. There’s no way he’d survive the rest of the League hearing him flirt with Superman like this. He’s not in Brucie-mode, this is just Bruce flirting with Clark. Which he shouldn’t do. For… some reason or another he can’t really remember when he looks into Clark’s bright eyes.

“There’s no way anyone will look at me with you looking like that,” Clark says with a cheeky grin. “You ready to go dazzle some aliens?”

“Obviously,” Bruce says and shoves his worries to the back of his mind. There’s no one here who can recognize him and Clark – the League – already know who he is. It’s an undercover mission, he’ll be fine. He fells oddly naked though.

Clark holds his arm out and Bruce accepts it. He does end up grabbing a fistful of the gown to make sure it doesn’t get wrapped in his boots. Those, thank God, are his own, but he doesn’t think anyone will notice the black soles as long as he doesn’t do any high kicks.

“When we’re done with this, you should wear your earring again,” Clark says quietly as they walk down the hallway. They’ve already planned their escape and know every way out of the ship in case something goes wrong.

“Why?”

“I think it’d suit you,” he says and he’s staring at Bruce’s ear now.

“I can’t wear it as Batman,” is all Bruce says because… he’s not sure what else to say. Clark’s comment doesn’t feel like their earlier back-and-forth so Bruce can’t exactly say something sleezy back. He also doesn’t feel like ruining Clark’s sweet compliment, so he focuses on what’s safe: Batman. He can’t wear the pearl earring underneath the cowl, and he doesn’t know if it’ll bring up too many bad memories. The way Clark is looking at him makes him think it might be worth a try though.

“You’re not always Batman, B,” Clark says gently.

“No,” Bruce says. “I suppose I’m not.”

***

Bruce has no idea how they pulled it off. Of course, something went wrong, it always does on these types of missions. While Bruce was perfectly fine playing the pet (okay, so mostly fine; fine enough that he wasn’t causing a scene), Clark didn’t have the same mindset and kept interrupting when someone spoke over Bruce or asked him insensitive questions. Not part of the plan but they could’ve downplayed it, saved it, if it wasn’t for the fact that they immediately found out where Hal was kept prisoner.

At the damn ceremony. Apparently, it’s Krolotean custom to bring a sacrifice (best kept alive for later slaughter) that their guests can then consume together. While Bruce is indeed angry at Hal, he’s not angry enough to kill him. Okay, so not angry enough to eat him, at least.

He obviously tells Hal this as he’s dragging his semi-conscious body through the halls while Clark blasts his heat vision at the group of angry aliens running after them. Why not take the opportunity when Hal is quiet for once?

They make it back to their own ship with minimal injuries. Luckily Krolotean weapons aren’t made of Kryptonite and Bruce didn’t like the gown’s long skirt anyway. It’s much better suited for someone not running for their life. Fighting might have been an option if they had been able to call for backup, but Krolotean technology has advanced enough to be able to block outside signals (Bruce is once again tempted to strangle Kyle. Or Hal. Or both of them).

As soon as they’re on board the ship takes off and not even Kroloteans are dumb enough to follow the League when they’ve escaped. They may be stupid enough to kidnap a Green Lantern, but even they know what the Justice League can do when all their members are ready. Good thing they don’t know there’s only five of them there.

The flight back to Earth goes by without incidents. Mostly without incidents. Kyle shows up to thank them for their help and of course he chooses to do this before Bruce has had a chance to change out of the ruined gown. There is no shame in a nice dress, but Bruce is not in the mood to be on the end of Kyle’s – and Hal’s, because of course he chooses this exact moment to wake up – comments. It doesn’t help that most of the dress is still on the alien ship because of their escape and Bruce is left in red and blue tatters.

There is no murder though and no strangling.

Clark is a traitor who got in the way, but Bruce can see why he did it. It wouldn’t do to murder the guy they just saved. He’ll have to wait a few months before accidentally pushing Hal off a cliff without his ring on.

It’s a healthy (or unhealthy, depending on who you ask) mix of too little sleep, too much adrenaline and more annoyance than being locked in a room with four children asking endless questions that has Bruce falls asleep on the flight home. Not before he’s changed back into his suit though. He feels instantly better when he feels the tightness of the cowl around his face.

He does keep the blue sash though. It’s soft and pretty and carries no trace of tracking devices. It’s not like he’s going to wear it. He’ll keep it in the cave, nobody has to know. He does this with a lot of seemingly silly things. It’s his way of keeping memories, of keeping track of missions.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the way Clark’s eyes lit up seeing Bruce in his colors, wearing them like a brand. And just because his heart beats a little faster at the thought of maybe wearing it as a scarf in the winter to see Clark’s reaction, it doesn’t mean that he’s obsessed, thank you very much.

Bruce somehow manages to pick the seat next to Clark and if his head lulls to the side Clark is sitting at when he falls asleep, who is he to blame? It’s not his fault he’s only comfortable enough with Clark to relax enough to sleep.

Neither of them comments on it when they’re back at the Watchtower.

***

It's a few days later when Clark arrives at the cave. It’s not like he needs an invitation and he’s finally started actually showing up without dragging seven emergencies with him, which Bruce appreciates. He likes calm Sundays. Or at least as calm as they can be when he’s got patrol in less than six hours.

He’s been thinking a lot about Clark the past few days – more than usual anyhow. Bruce even went so far that he started searching through his old things for his mother’s pearl. Of course, it’s in the last place he looks, and he should’ve remembered how 18-year-old Bruce liked to keep his things close. Good thing Bruce hasn’t cleared out his nightstand in years.

It’s taken him a few days to bring the small box to the cave. Even after finding it he found is difficult to move it. There are a lot of memories connected to that one, small piece of jewelry and Bruce isn’t certain he’s ready to face it.

And then Clark stops by.

Clark’s always been better at the emotional stuff; not just with his own but with Bruce’s too. It’s why it’s so easy to open up to him. Okay, easy might be a little too simplified, but now that they’re friends it’s easy. It’s natural and feels good to share things with Clark.

It doesn’t mean Bruce isn’t hesitant to show Clark to the box. It’s his mother’s pearl, after all. Clark reacts better than Bruce could have imagined. Then again, he isn’t really sure what he should imagine.

Clark just smiles at him and holds the box very carefully in his large hands. He turns it over as if he doesn’t have perfect vision and instead needs to examine it like any other human. Bruce assumes he’s just putting on a show to make Bruce comfortable. He’s slightly annoyed that it’s working.

“It’s gorgeous, Bruce,” Clark says and he’s so genuine that Bruce feels a knot in his throat. “I’m glad you got to keep this with you.” He doesn’t comment on how sad it is that it’s all Bruce has left, the last little piece of his mother, because they both know that already. Instead, Clark tries to see the beauty in the pearl, the sentiment and love Bruce carries for his mom in keeping that silly little earring with him all these years.

“May I?” Clark asks as he gestures at the box.

It takes Bruce a second longer than he’d like to figure out what Clark wants to do, but as soon as he does, he feels peace settle in his stomach.

“Sure,” he says.

Because this isn’t only for Bruce’s benefit. This is for Clark as well. Bruce sees the way Clark eyes the small device in his ear, the way he frowned at how red Bruce’s skin was when he’d pierced it. This is something Clark can do to make it better, even though Bruce doesn’t need him to fix anything. Clark always does what Bruce needs – even when he doesn’t know he needs it – and that’s why he agrees instantly.

Clark’s hands are gentle, just as gentle as they were on the spaceship. He carefully takes out the listening device, laying it on the desk and picking up the pearl. Bruce hasn’t let anyone else touch it – not even Alfred – since he took it out all those years ago, but it feels natural to let Clark handle it.

He pushes the earring through Bruce’s earlobe and because he is who he is, Clark also makes the extra effort and breathes cold air on it afterwards. It is way too soon to change such a new piercing, but Bruce has never been known for his patience. And it’s not like he’s going to wear the spyware until it’s appropriate to change it. The cool air feels heavenly on his skin.

“There,” Clark says with the enthusiasm of a guy who just finished three weeks’ worth of work in a single day. That’s probably what it feels like to work successfully with Bruce most days.

Bruce reaches up to touch the pearl gently. It feels warm underneath his fingertips despite Clark’s efforts. He doesn’t mind; he can pretend the heat on his face is from the throbbing in his ear and not the thundering of his heart. Clark is standing very close.

“Beautiful,” Clark says softly, but when Bruce looks at his face, he’s not looking at the earring. He’s staring into Bruce’s eyes.

When he leans forward Bruce’s body is faster than his brain; he leans in to meet Clark in the middle. There’s no way he’s standing passively by while Clark kisses him. He’s been waiting years for this. It’s a lot easier to admit to himself now that Clark is pulling him closer.

His hands are still strong, still the hands of Superman, a being strong enough to crush Bruce in a single breath, but they’re also gentle, oh so gentle, like Clark always is when he handles Bruce. The same way he cradles Bruce’s jaw, he’s now pulling Bruce’s waist towards him. The hand on his back flattens and smooths down to his lower back, resting perfectly there, like Clark’s been waiting for this moment too.

When their lips meet there aren’t any fireworks going off, but it does feel like Bruce’s blood sings. It feels so right and warm and perfect that he can’t help but wrap his arms around Clark’s body to pull him even tighter.

Clark’s strong back flexes as he slides his hand down Bruce’s back to join the other at the small of his back. Bruce feels him intertwine his fingers and then he’s pulling upwards until Bruce has no choice but to lift his legs off the ground.

Their mouths never separate, even as Clark turns and pushes everything off the desk to be able to put Bruce down on it. Bruce might complain about that later but for now he’s busy trying to see if he can suck Clark’s soul out through his tongue.

Needless to say, the pearl earring is staying in.

[scottpetersen]

My What-If DuckTales Character VS Injustice 2 Character Intro Dialogues

Ok. Here I’ll be taking characters from the DuckTales (2017) TV series and typing down intro dialogue they might have with a character from the Injustice 2 video game. Also, for the DuckTales (2017) characters, I’ll be using them as they appear in different times of the DuckTales (2017) TV series depending on what I think best suits the dialogue. With that out of the way, let’s dive right in.

Lena: You have a disembodied sorceress trying to take control of you too?

June: I’m afraid so.

Magica De Spell: (creeping up from behind Lena) Well then. Let’s see how powerful your sorceress is.

Enchantress: (creeping up from behind June) More powerful than you can imagine.

-

Lena: Maybe we can help each other break free from my aunt and the Enchantress.

June: And how do we do that?

Magica De Spell: (creeping up from behind Lena) Looks like they’re conspiring against us.

Enchantress: (creeping up from behind June) A pity their efforts will be in vain.

-

June: I’m sorry. But I can’t fight her. She’s too strong.

Lena: Then let me help you get her out of you.

Enchantress: (creeping up from behind June) Oh but you won’t be able to.

-

Lena: Maybe my friend Violet can make a ritual or something that can exorcise the Enchantress out of you.

June: Yes. Maybe that will work.

Enchantress: (creeping up from behind June) Too bad I’ll destroy you all before you get the chance to use that ritual.

Lena: We’ll see about that.

Scrooge: Do you know the importance of self-reliance?

Green Arrow: I learned it the hard way. I was stranded on an island and had to use my skills rather than my fortune to survive.

Scrooge: Looks like self-reliance isn’t always easy, is it? But at the end of the day, it’s what makes it worth your while.

-

Scrooge: Why are you prancing around as a vigilante?

Green Arrow: Because there are people who need my help.

Scrooge: Well then. Allow me to help you.

-

Scrooge: How did you earn your fortune?

Green Arrow: I inherited it.

Scrooge: You gotta make your fortune with your self-reliance, not your inheritance.

-

Scrooge: So, Oliver Queen, do you want to see which of us is the better billionaire or the better fighter?

Green Arrow: I think I’ll go with the better fighter.

Scrooge: Well then. Let’s get to it.

Atrocitus: There’s great rage inside you, Donald Duck.

Donald Duck: So what?

Atrocitus: So, you may become a Red Lantern.

Donald Duck: We’ll see about that, Atrocitus.

-

Atrocitus: You use your rage to help protect your family?

Donald Duck: I do. So what are you getting at?

Atrocitus: The type of rage that can come from failing to protect one’s family is what first ignited my rage and sent me on my path to exact vengeance on the Guardians Of The Universe.

-

Atrocitus: How do you believe you’ll react if you fail to protect your family?

Donald Duck: I don’t know and I don’t think I’m planning to find out.

Atrocitus: You’ll beg for vengeance.

-

Atrocitus: You actively use your rage to help you?

Donald Duck: I do but how is that any of your business?!

Atrocitus: You’ll make a very skilled Red Lantern.

Della Duck: You’re a pilot too?

Hal Jordan: I used to be a test pilot who worked for Ferris Aircraft.

Della Duck: Let’s see if you’re as good at it as I am.

-

Della Duck: You always crash every jet you fly?

Hal Jordan: What can I say? I like pushing them past their limit.

Della Duck: Yeah? Well, I treat every plane I fly with respect.

-

Della Duck: You worked for The Regime and helped rule the world with an iron fist?!

Hal Jordan: It’s something I regret.

Della Duck: You better hope you’re telling the truth, buddy.

-

Della Duck: You gotta be careful where you fly, Hal.

Hal Jordan: I know. People always called me reckless.

Della Duck: That’s not what I mean. Because of my reckless flying, I got stranded on the moon. So, my sons had to grow up without their mom.

Hal Jordan: I’m really sorry you went through that. And I’ll try not to make that mistake with Carol.

[baronetcoins]

HELLO please I would like very much to hear about your bisclavret au (also the selkie au, if you'd like to discuss that too! lots of enthusiasm about shapeshifters goeth on at this time!!)

Yes!! Both of these started with my dear friend @kangoo who I made watch the film with me and who has since been a brainstorming partner of mine when I want to write Them. He is welcome to add his thoughts if he feels inclined.

The Bisclavret AU centers around the traitor’s plot—the kings of England have a secret, with men able to take on a wolf’s shape. Of course they can only turn back if they have their clothes as per the original tale. So when Scroop is persuaded to join the plot to remove Henry from the board before he can cross the channel, he can’t find it in his heart to actually kill the man he loved. He does, however, know about that secret, and hides Henry’s clothes away.

Montjoy, meanwhile, is traveling back and forth between France and England as the French try and use the chaos to their advantage and the English are frantically searching for their king who vanished without a trace. Of course there also happens to be a mysterious wolf who keeps following him around on his travels whenever he’s on the island, and acts much more like a big dog than anything threatening.

Eventually Montjoy decides he has a dog now and starts telling that bold faced lie to anyone who questions why this wolf keeps following him around. It’s a big guard dog. Keeps me safe in the wilderness. What do you mean it doesn’t look like a dog. The reveal comes when Henry sees Scroop and tries to fucking kill him at which point Exeter finally puts two and two together.

I think it’s very fun to cast it in this way because at the time Europe, as a rule, hated wolves. Kings had all kinds of policies about trying to kill as many wolves as possible. It ties in really well to the idea of Hal as having been this wild, irresponsible youth who people looked down upon. I haven’t written too much of this yet, just a bit of the opening scene (which I have posted an excerpt from already), but it’s rattling about in my head again.

The selkie AU is less real and mostly a set of vibes passed back and forth between us where I’m mostly just going to excerpt our DMs because that’s what exists so far though I do want to come back to it properly.

[pokckygamewithbatman]

Voltron Rant about Allurance

In my incredibly unbiased and uneducated opinion, I think Allura and Lance was an insult. I haven’t watched most of Voltron mk, Like maybe a few seasons and then it got boring, and then I just watched like the last episode or two of season 8 and was so pissed??? Like they were queerbaiting and also not? Whatever his name is, Shiro or sumn, the guy with like 4 clones, he gets like a piddly little wedding during the end credits of the show to some dude that I’ve never met and suspect that said dude was shown like, a couple times in random ass flashbacks and then the writers were like “oh people liked klance, let’s not give them that and throw together this atrocity of a relationship instead” like ok if dude man was significant, he would’ve been shown more, then it would’ve been believable.

Lance and Allura could’ve totally been the besties where all the heteros are like why aren’t they together it doesn’t makes any sense, they’re friends so they must be boning. Like no, it could've paved the way for a delightful dynamic where men and women can be awesome friends. ALSO Allura goes and fucking dies and Lance gets all depressed????

Like hello have you not been here for the entirety of the series Lance is a happy-go-lucky puppy who makes the best out of situations, gets into trouble and never gives up. That’s what makes him significant. He’s like Hal Jordan, not too much is going on but he has a can-do attitude that you just can’t stay mad at. I don’t know how Allura dies but now Lance is depressed, has eye bags, and is a lame ass farmer??? No thank you both he and Keith are kinda miserable at the end of the show. Keith is like, a nurse or something I don’t remember, one of those disaster relief people, bringing supplies to those in need and I am DISGUSTED that he and Lance aren’t together.

Like ok, was klance one of the first ships I was ever exposed to? Yes. Is klance the classic red and blue, gloomy and happy, moon and sun ship? Yes. But it worked so well. Voltron could’ve totally done something for the fans, because I’m sorry, even if not many were shipping klance because it takes a very special (demented) type of fan to do that, I promise you that no one was shipping Allurance (which is a crap ship name btw). It just doesn’t feel right there’s something about it, the chemistry was all wrong, they just didn’t mesh well together as characters in a relationship yk? Also the whole thing where Lance becomes Altean too, I just didn’t get it? Was he secretly Altean the whole time?? Did the kiss turn him Altean??

It started out good, everyone was besties, Lance was flirting with Allura (but I mean how could he not she’s gorgeous), but was also giving some heavy bi vibes which was exciting for the audience. It ended with depressed farmer Lance, depressed nurse Keith, and and a queer bait wedding during the end credits. I don’t remember what happened to Pidge tbh, it turned out she was a girl, but that was many seasons ago. Hunk was seemingly the only one who looks genuinely happy, and that’s because he stuck to his guns. He’s good at food so make him a chef. It would be completely wrong if say, they made him a war hero or something. Yk, something that doesn’t mold at all with his character and personality and values.

Voltron is good, last few seasons are mid, revelation in last season was terrible.

[skylarmoon71]

Lance Sweets (Bones) - Crossover AU - Chapter 8

“A cousin?”

“Yes, his name is Hal Jordan. We’re not biologically related, but he’s always been around. My parents were pretty old when they adopted me. So they were always trying to get me to know all the relatives. Hal’s a bit of a smartass, but he’s kind. He just tries to cover it up sometimes.”

“Are you sure I should be here? It sounds like a family meeting. I feel like I’m intruding.”

“You’re not. You’re my friend. Also he’s bringing his girlfriend so I sort of wanted another pair of eyes so we can feel her out. He’s not the best judge when it comes to relationships.”

“I’m an archaeological scientist, unless she’s an ancient bowl or exhibit I don’t think I’d be much help feeling anything out.”

“Just bear with me.”

When he invited you for dinner randomly you should have suspected something. He was overly enthusiastic about it when he made the proposition. You just assumed he wanted to discuss more about the meteors. But it’s clear that you’d walked into a trap.

His doorbell rings and he springs to his feet.

“I’ll get it!”

“You are the owner of the house.”

Your sarcastic remark causes him to send a look as he heads for the door. You just sit on the couch, waiting for this to unravel because of Sweets insistence on meddling.

“Hal, it’s been so long.”

You hear the greetings at the door and laughter from who you assume to be Hal Jordan and his girlfriend.

Sweets guide them into the living room and you stand.

“Oh, who is this, a girlfriend?”

Sweets laughs.

“No, she's my friend. She works at the Jeffersonian. Dr. (L/N).”

They both send you smiles as they introduce themselves.

“Carol Ferris, nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, and you must be Hal Jordan. Sweets is very fond of you. It’s why he set up this dinner to interrogate your girlfriend because he claims you have poor judgment.”

“(Y/N)!!”

Hal laughs and so does Carol. Sweets looks flustered, maybe a bit guilty.

“I’m sorry.”

Hal shakes his head.

“No worries, I appreciate it. I like her.” 

Hal holds out his hand for you to shake, and you reach for it, but the ring catches your attention. You freeze, the smile dropping from your face.

“Lantern..”

Sweets tilts his head.

“What?

Your face turns stone cold as you push Sweets behind you.

“Where did you get that ring!!”

Hal does the same with Carol when he notices the hostility.

“(Y/N) calm down, why are you getting so mad?”

“He has a green lantern ring. But it’s impossible. He must have stolen it!”

“I didn’t steal anything, how do you know about the lanterns?”

You clench your jaw, raising your fist.

It’s almost instinct, his suit seems to appear and Sweets takes a step back at the emerald glow that fills the room. You’re in awe. Because he should not be able to draw its power.

“Impossible…y-you’re human…”

You’re still trying to grasp what’s going on.

Hal looks just as unnerved as you.

“How do you know about the lanterns?”

“Because I’m an alien.”

“(Y/N)!!!”

“What, we all saw him summon the suit. What is the use of hiding it? He’s a green lantern. This is amazing.”

You look more awed than battle ready and Hal retracts the suit, taking a deep breath.

“We should probably get a drink, this is going to take a while.”

That is surely an understatement.

~~

“So you got the ring from an alien?”

“Yep, a purple one. He was dying. Then this evil fear sucking head tried to kill everyone. It was a whole thing. We got rid of him though, his body got sucked into the sun.”

Carol smacked his arm.

“What? That’s what happened.”

“I’m sure there was a better way of putting that.” She snarks.

“You defeated Parallax?”

“Oh yeah, that was his name.”

You can’t believe it. He’s talking about it as if he carried a dog for a walk or took out the trash.

“You’re amazing..”

Your expression makes Hal grin and he sends a look to Sweets.

“You hear that cuz, I’m amazing. Better watch out. Your girl might fall for me.”

“Not my girlfriend. Right (Y/N)?”

From your dazed expression it’s clear you haven’t heard a thing he just said.

Hal smirks.

“She has a thing for lanterns. It’ll wear off.” Sweets advises.

Carol can’t help but smile. If they were expecting anything tonight, it wasn’t this.

The rest of the night is much more casual. Despite what Sweets has just learned, he seems closer to his cousin. They're both in the living room fooling around. Sweets keeps asking him to create random objects, and of course like the boys they are, he complies. You’re in the kitchen getting rid of your dishes and grabbing a snack. Carol joins you. Offering a smile.

“So an alien huh.”

“Yes. Fully alien.”

“It’s crazy, you look so normal. I always imagined the traditional beady eyes, round head.”

“Humans aren’t exactly known for their accuracy when it comes to history or science.”

“You’re right, a few decades ago people thought the earth was flat.”

“People still think that.” You comment.

“Point proven.”

She giggles.

“I think it’s amazing that you’ve managed to have a life here. To find someone you trust. A secret like that can’t be easy living with. Everyday I look at Hal and I wonder how he does it.”

You can understand that.

“He is extraordinary. He’s the first human that I’ve heard about becoming a lantern. Humans truly are amazing beings.”

She smiles.

“Is there a particular one you think that is a little more than amazing?” She nudges your arm.

“Someone in particular..”

Your thoughts stray to Sweets, and you find yourself smiling.

“I suppose so.”

You don’t state who it is.

Carol doesn't need you to confirm, she already knows. 

[severusish]

seeing young people with no mask on and who, when asked, tell me they have no health condition (physical or otherwise) that makes wearing a mask actually difficult for them, make me absolutely fucking feral. like no, you fucking cunt, we don’t give a shit that you looked cute today or that you don’t want to mess up your lipstick or that your jawline is looking flawless right now. you have no reason to not wear a mask in a confined indoor space if you are literally in perfect health. no one gives a shit about your face. if i am looking at you it is because you look like an inconsiderate asshole, not because you’re pretty. you’re literally a virgin who can’t drive. check yourself and put your mask on. twats.

[ragingbookdragon]

So Live A Lie, Just Tonight, And Burn Out Bright

Batsis x Hal Jordan One-Shot

Word Count: 3.8K Warnings: Explicit Language, Mature Themes

Author's Note: I decided to compile that one Batsis "story" into one doc, and I added the alternate ending for the one anon who asked! Enjoy! -Thorne

**********************************************************************

“Alright, easy sis, easy,” he worried, watching her carefully for signs of pain flickering across her face as he helped her off the bike.

She scowled, managing to drag her injured leg forward. “Quit nagging. I’m—ngh—fine.”

“You’re on emergency oxycodone and you’ve got a broken femur,” he retorted. “I’m nagging until you’re in surgery.”

“Ugh, stop reminding me.”

Someone hauled her off her feet with a quiet, “I’ve got you.”

She grunted in pain laying on the gurney. “Thanks, dad.”

“Miss Wayne, are you alright?”

Her eyes found Alfred’s. “I’m good. I just ne—motherfucker!” she yelped, glaring at her father who was squeezing her thigh. “Hey! That’s broken, jackass! Quit!”

Bruce grunted. “You need an ORIF now.”

A pinch in her arm made her twitch and she turned her attention to Alfred who was uncapping a needle. “Alfred, what’s that?”

He shook his head. “Nothing to worry about, Miss Wayne.” Smiling, he stuck the needle into the line. “You’ll feel better when you awaken.”

Her vision blurred rapidly, “Gonna take…a nap…now…” her head lolled, and Bruce met Alfred’s gaze.

“Call Damian. He’s got the steady hand we’ll need.”

***

“How’re you feeling?” Jason asked, setting a cup of juice on the bedside table.

She blinked slowly, staring at her fingers. “Why are my fingers like this?”

“Like what, Queenie?”

“Bendy,” she replied, flexing her fingers. “It’s fuckin’ weird.” She looked at him. “I feel weird.”

He snorted, nodding at Dick and the others who were walking in at the sound of her voice. “You’re on hydromorphone, sis.”

“Hydro—what-what?”

“Hydromorphone, sister,” Damian said. “It has increased your threshold for pain and reduced the perception of it.”

She stared at him like she hadn’t heard a word come out of his mouth. “I didn’t understand a single goddamn word that you just said.”

Snickers sounded around her, but her head was up in the clouds and she rested back against her pillow. Her family gathered around her, sitting up on the bed, and suddenly she cocked her head up, squinting at each of them.

“Sweetheart? What’s wrong?” Bruce inquired.

“Where’s Dick?”

“I’m right here, sis,” he answered, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand. “What’s up?”

“Why’d you break up with Kori?”

His eyes widened. “I—what?”

“Kori. Tall alien with the shooty-hands.”

“I know who she is. What about our breakup?”

“Are you kidding me? That woman is spectacular, and you broke up with her. She’s gorgeous, wicked intelligent, fantastic in bed and—”

“Wait, back up there,” he interrupted. “Good in bed? Did you sleep with, Kori?”

“Oh yeah, totally. I was her rebound after you.”

Dick blinked while the others cackled. “Have you…have you slept with any other exes?”

“Of yours? Or in general with the family’s exes?”

“Wait,” Jason said. “Have you slept with any of mine?”

“Did you date Artemis?”

He shrugged. “Sort of?”

“Then, yes.” She looked at Bruce. “I slept with Selina too, but to be completely honest we were both drunk and I don’t think either of us remember.”

“I uh—” he started, then quieted. “I didn’t know you were gay, sweetheart.”

She let out a ‘pfft’. “I’m not.”

“Oh, you’re bi, then?” Dick smiled and she shook her head.

“Nah, I like the wine but not the label.” She grinned. “I’m a lover of people.”

“How many superheroes have you slept with?” Tim questioned and she pursed her lips.

“Uh…I dunno…kinda lost count.”

For a moment no one said a word, then Jason asked, “You know how we call Dickhead the fuck-boy? Can we refer to you as that now? I think you’ve topped his count.”

Her eyes narrowed into a glare and she pointed at him, though she was seeing double, so it was entirely possible that she was pointing at the wall. “Keep that up and I’ll sleep with your best friend again.”

“You slept with Roy?!”

“I was talking about Kyle, but Roy works too.”

“OH MY GOD! IS THERE ANYONE YOU HAVEN’T SLEPT WITH?”

She thought for a moment, then offered, “Diana. But I asked her out last weekend so it’s up in the air until our date.”

***Part Two***

There was only one rule that everyone collectively followed in Wayne Manor and that was: no excessive noise until after twelve P.M. It was mostly influenced by Alfred who’d more than once pulled out the shotgun but surprisingly, mornings were usually calm and quiet. Keywords: “Were” and “Usually”. There were some special cases.

An ear-splitting scream shattered the silence of the breakfast room and in an instant, everyone was jumping from the table, sprinting towards the staircase to find out what was quite possibly murdering their eldest sister. As they neared the staircase, they came face to face with her as she stood behind the banister, her hands gripping the railing until her knuckles started whitening.

“Sis, what’s wrong?” Dick worried, already starting to come up the steps, Jason and Tim close behind.

“I’m late,” she whispered, and they leaned forward.

“What was that?” Bruce inquired, brows furrowing, and she looked at him.

“I’m late.” Her voice was firmer this time.

He blinked. “How long?”

“Two months.”

“Wait, what’s going on?” Jason questioned, shaking his head and she scowled.

“My period’s late, jackass.”

She wished she’d taken a photo of their faces, because nothing would ever amuse her as much as the way their jaws went slack, eyes widening in total shock. Running a hand down her face, she groaned, “Oh my God. I knew something was up. I completely forgot about it.”

“Sooooo…” Tim drawled out with a recovered grin. “Who’s the daddy?”

Her eyes narrowed and she shot him a glare. “Shut. Up.”

“C’mon sis, someone—some guy did it for you.” Jason quipped. “Who’s the lucky man?” he paused, seeming to remember something. “How many superheroes have you slept with in two months? That have dicks, of course.” She clenched her jaw and his eyes widened. “Oh no. Oh no…is it, Roy?”

“It’s not Roy!” she hissed.

“Kyle?” Dick offered and she shook her head.

“No. I’ve only slept with one guy in the past two months.”

“Who was it sister?” Damian quizzed, placing his hands on his hips. “I have yet to meet anyone acceptable for you to populate with.”

“Thanks Damian,” she griped, then groaned. “Oh God, I know who it is too. And I wish I didn’t.”

“Why’s that?”

Her eyes found Tim’s. “Because we were drunk as hell after a League mission.”

“Who is it?” Bruce grunted and she met his gaze.

“You’re not going to like it.”

Something passed between them, and his eyes narrowed. “Please don’t say that’s who you slept with.”

She nodded, pressing a hand to her face, hiding her embarrassment. “Mhm.”

“You slept with him?”

“Unfortunately.”

Jason looked between his sister and father. “Wait, I’m confused. What’s going on?” A snort sounded beside him, and he looked over, seeing Dick in tears. “Why are you crying? What’s so funny?”

Dick cackled. “SHE SLEPT WITH HAL JORDAN!”

Another round of slack jawed brothers appeared in her sight, and she hissed. “It was an accident!”

“YOU’RE HAVING A BABY WITH HAL JORDAN!” Dick gasped, starting to drop to his knees from laughing so hard. “OH MY GOD, YOU SLEPT WITH THE GUY DAD HATES THE MOST!”

“You slept with Hal Jordan?” Tim gagged. “Ew.”

“Sister, I am disgusted in your choice of partners for children.” Damian noted and she scowled.

“I hate all of you.” she looked at Bruce.

He sighed heavily, a defeated father…or maybe a defeated grandfather. “I’ll go call Hal…and order prenatal vitamins.”

She ran a hand down her face. “I’ll call Leslie and get in for an exam.”

“Holy shit,” Jason gasped. “We’re gonna be uncles!”

***Part Three***

He shifted the phone to rest between his ear and shoulder, hands busy pouring coffee into his cup. “Hello?”

What are you doing right now?

“Bruce? Is that you?”

Answer the question, Hal.

He rolled his eyes and frowned. “Well, it’s nine A.M., I’m making a cup of coffee. I know bats are nocturnal, so this might come as a surprise to someone like you, but rest assured it’s a normal habit for us normal folks.”

How fast can you get to Gotham City?

“Willingly?” Hal chuckled, setting down the coffee pot to grab the phone. “What’s going on?”

I need your…help…with something. And I need you in Gotham as fast as you can get here…please.

He almost dropped both the phone and coffee mug. “Did you just say you need my he—” the line went dead with a click, and he pulled the phone from his ear. “Asshole,” Hal scowled and shoved the phone in his pocket, before putting the mug down. His body flashed green as he suited up and he sighed. “Can’t believe I gotta go to the land of the living dead at nine A.M.”

***

He rubbed his temples as he disconnected the call, barely suppressing the sigh that wanted to escape him. “Are you mad at me?” he heard behind him, low, scared, and worried; he shook his head.

“No.”

She leaned against the desk, staring down at the side of his head. “Are you disappointed in me?”

Bruce sighed this time. “At your basic lack of common sense and sleeping with a team member despite the fact that I’ve told you time and again that inner-team-dalliances only end badly? Yes.” He turned his eyes to her. “But for being pregnant? Never.”

“Doesn’t seem like it, dad,” she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest; he watched them lower to hold her stomach.

“I think Hal Jordan’s an idiot,” he stated. “If it seems like I’m upset, it’s because he’s going to be my grandchild’s father and I’ll have to be nice to him now.” She huffed a laugh and he reached over, placing a hand on her arm. “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. We’ll take care of this.”

“I know, it’s just…” she sighed. “I never expected this to happen.”

“No one ever does,” Bruce answered. “Have you contacted Leslie yet?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I’ll go see her around three.” Grunting, she muttered, “Figured if Hal got here in as soon as possible, we’d have enough time to sit and talk about this before we went.” She ran a hand over her face. “God, I can’t believe I Hal knocked me up.”

“Please don’t say that,” Bruce griped. “I don’t like that phrase.”

“But that’s what happened, dad. I got knocked up by Hal.”

“Why do you hate me?” he scowled, dropping his head into his hands. “How did this even happen?”

Sighing, she recounted, “After the mission in Brazil, Hal invited Barry back to Coast City for a drink and Barry invited me.” She shrugged. “I didn’t wanna be rude even if I am typically antisocial, so I accepted, and we got there and found a bar. After a couple hours, Barry had to get back to Central and we just decided to keep drinking.”

She grunted. “Hell, by seven thirty we were already gone so we got a ride back to his place and he offered to let me stay the night and one thing led to another and—”

Bruce raised his hand, effectively silencing her. “I can infer what happened after that.” He rubbed his temples. “Let’s just wait for Hal to get here, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she agreed, falling silent.

***

Alfred cleared his throat. “Master Jordan, is here, sir.” They both looked up from the Batcomputer at the test pilot.

“Thank you, Alfred,” Bruce said, and the butler nodded, ascending the steps.

Hal walked towards them. “So, what’s the deal? Why do you need me?”

Bruce looked at her and she sighed. “Actually, I’m the one who needed you to come here, Hal.”

His brown eyes darted to hers, a flash, a recognition of something and he nodded. “Aright. What’s up?”

“Dad…give us a moment?” he nodded and stood from the Batcomputer, walking to the medical section on the other side of the cave. She waved Hal over. “You might wanna sit down.”

He did, albeit suspiciously. “Why are you acting so…weird?”

“Hal,” she said, then looked at her hands. “I’m…ah crap.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked, brows furrowing.

She took a deep breath and admitted, “My period’s late and there’s a good chance I’m pregnant.”

For a moment, Hal didn’t say a word, then he burst into laughter. “Oh, that’s hilarious!” he held his stomach and wiped his eyes. “That’s a good one.”

“I’m not joking, Hal,” she spat. “In the last three months, you’re the only man I’ve had sex with. If I’m pregnant, you’re the father.”

He stopped laughing at that. “Are you being serious?”

“Dead.”

Hal ran a hand through his brown hair and let out a shocked breath. “Holy hell.” She watched him and he gaped at her. “W-what…what do we do?”

“I’ve got an appointment with Doctor Leslie at four. You’re welcome to come along if you’d like.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I will.” Swallowing thickly, he said, “Does he know?”

“Dad? Yeah. They all do.”

“They?” he repeated, eyes wide.

“My brothers.”

“You told them we slept together?”

She chuckled. “Apparently a year ago under heavy meds, I admitted I slept with Dad, Dick, and Jason’s exes.” She shrugged. “There’s not much I keep from them.”

Hal’s eyes shifted to Bruce’s back. “Can’t imagine the Big-Bat is happy about this.”

“Oh, he’s not. He thinks you’re an idiot, but judging by the look on your face, you already know that.”

He scoffed. “Your dad likes to think he’s smarter than everyone else.”

She cocked a brow. “He is.”

“And it seems like you’re following that strain well,” he shot back, and they glared at each other before cracking smiles.

“If this is real, we’re going to be some parents, huh?”

Hal could sense the fear in her voice, and he stood in front of her, placing his hands on her hips. “Hey,” he murmured. “No parents are perfect. And we’re sure as hell not.”

“If this is supposed to cheer me up, it’s not.”

“I’m not trying to cheer you up. I’m trying to reassure you,” he corrected, squeezing her hips lightly. “We’ll work through this, and we’ll do it together.”

She gazed at him then heaved a sigh and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Thanks Hal.”

“Don’t mention it,” he chuckled, then murmured, “But if we really are going to be parents, should we tie the knot?”

“Absolutely not.”

***

“Hal, for the love of God, will you sit down?” she griped. “You’re starting to make me anxious with all that pacing.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair before shrugging off his bomber. “I can’t help it,” he retorted. “I hate waiting.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” She rolled her eyes. “Leslie’s working as fast as she can. Just sit down and be patient.”

Hal paced for another minute before collapsing into the seat beside her; she took his hand in hers and rubbed her thumb on the back of his hand. “What are you doing?” he asked, and she hummed.

“Comforting you.”

“Why?”

She looked at him. “Because you’re worried.”

“How are you not?”

“I am,” she commented, and he scowled.

“You don’t look it.”

“Well, that’s because I was trained to retain my emotions a as child,” she retorted. “It helps when I’m dealing with children who are scared.”

“I’m not a child,” Hal hissed, and she snorted.

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“You know what? I’m gonna—”

The door opened and their mouths snapped shut as Leslie walked in with a smile. “Good afternoon.”

“Hey Leslie,” she greeted, then glanced at the papers in her hand. “So? What’s the verdict?”

Leslie handed her the file and she looked it over. “Case of irregular period, dear.”

She blinked and said dumbly, “I’m not pregnant?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Our bodies act up sometimes, even when we’re grown. Irregularities can still happen even now.” Clearing her throat, Leslie added, “But your blood and urinalysis came back negative. You’re not pregnant.” She looked between Hal and her. “With the results, you’re free to leave.”

She stood to her feet, but when Hal didn’t, she tugged his hand. “Hal,” she whispered. “Come on.”

He staggered to his feet. “Yeah, I’m coming.” He disappeared out of the clinic room, and she sighed, then looked at Leslie.

“Thanks doc.”

“Of course.”

***

They were quiet on the park bench, watching the sun reflect off the water and listening to the birds singing in the sky. “So…I guess that’s a relief,” Hal stated, and she nodded.

“Yeah. I guess it is.” Laughing, she said, “I mean could you imagine if I were actually carrying your kid?” when he didn’t laugh, she looked over at him. “Hal?”

He blinked, shaking himself out of his thoughts. “Yeah, couldn’t imagine it.”

“Hal,” she plead. “Are you upset that I’m not?”

“What? No. No, I’m relieved you’re not pregnant, but…” he sighed and shrugged. “I dunno at the same time as scared as I was, I was happy, you know? Ready to step up and be there for you.”

She lowered her gaze to his hands and reached over, placing hers over his and he took it, squeezing. “Well, look at it this way. This was the universe telling you that you’re ready to be a father and this was the universe telling me that I’m not ready to be a mom or your baby’s mother.”

Hal gazed at her for a moment then chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is.” He squeezed her hand again and climbed to his feet, flashing green as his suit appeared. “Now that everything’s sorted out, I should be getting back to Coast City.”

“Sounds good,” she agreed, standing to her feet.

“Can I drop you off anywhere?”

“Nah, I’m gonna walk around for a bit,” she said.

Hal took to the sky then looked down at her. “If you ever find yourself ready…call me?”

A shocked laugh bubbled in her chest, and she shook her head. “Not a chance in hell, Jordan.”

“Come on, don’t you think it would be fun to have the old Bat call me his son in law?”

Giggling, she waved him off. “Get out of here, Hal.”

Winking, he replied, “See you later, babe.”

She couldn’t help but chuckle and watch him leave, then she shook her head. “Ridiculous.” But a small smile was still on her lips as she headed down the street.

***Alternate Ending***

She gazed numbly out at the water, not sure if she should feel surprise or shock, but whatever emotion she was feeling had completely dumbfounded her. She was pregnant. Her hands had unconsciously pressed tight to her stomach, and she felt sick more than anything. Sick, scared, ashamed, every emotion that came with sleeping with a coworker—and every TV show and movie where the woman got pregnant from the affair.

How was she going to explain this to her family? To her friends? How was she going to face their scrutiny? Pregnant out of wedlock? With the biggest skirt-chasing, arrogant asshole in the galaxy? She’d take the brunt of their scathing opinions. He’d get off scot-free. He’d—

“(Y/N).” Someone’s hand rested on her shoulder, and she blinked, suddenly brought from her stupor and she looked over at him; his gaze was full of worry. “Are you okay?”

Instantly, she felt angry, and she jerked away from him, standing to her feet. “Am I okay!” she shouted. “You got me pregnant! Do you have any idea what this is going to do to us! To our reputations! To mine!”

Irritation etched across his face, and he stood to his feet, getting in her face. “It takes two to tango, (Y/N). We both did this—not just me.”

Her mouth opened to retort sharply, but damned if he didn’t have a point and she shut her mouth, tasting something bitter as she looked away. “I’m going home.”

She turned and his hand shot out, grabbing hold of her arm. “Wait, I don’t want you going alone.”

“Let go of me.” She hissed, trying to pull away, but he tightened his grip.

“No. It’s too dangerous for you to be out alone.”

(Y/N) scoffed. “I think you’re forgetting who you’re talking to Jordan. I’m—”

“The mother of my child.” Hal declared and she gaped at him. “I know what you and your family think of me. I know you think I’m an arrogant asshole and yeah, I’ll admit that I am.” He pulled her to him and wrapped his arm around her waist. “But if you think for a second, I’m going to let you wander around this bat-shit crazy city alone while pregnant, then you’re the one who’s being arrogant.”

He searched her gaze. “I’m many things, (Y/N). But I’m not going to abandon you or shy away from whatever this is.”

She swallowed thickly. “What do you mean ‘whatever this is’? Parents?”

“Us.” Hal said. “Maybe it’s just my big head, but I see the way you look at me. Yeah, I annoy the hell out of you, but you care for me.” He reached up, cupping her cheek. “And I care about you too. More than just what teammates should for one another.”

(Y/N) didn’t know what to say, because he did have a point. Hal was an annoying prick who at many times provoked her into physical confrontation, but on the other hand, there was nothing she loved more than fighting with him, because she knew he found it just as amusing.

Her gaze lowered and she felt tears well in her eyes. “I’m scared, Hal.”

“I know. I am too,” he murmured. “But we’re going to get through this.” He tipped her head up, catching her eyes once more. “We will get through this. Together.”

(Y/N)’s lips wobbled, and she tried for a lighthearted comment. “Isn’t fraternization against the rules?”

Hal grinned. “Only in the military.” He winked. “Last time I checked—we’re not in it.”

She laughed, leaning forward, and pressed her forehead to his. “How’s everyone going to react to this?”

He shrugged. “Probably with shock. I mean about me getting a girl pregnant? Not likely. Getting you pregnant? More likely.”

“Shut up.”

“I think we should consider getting married though.”

(Y/N) pulled away and stared at him. “Excuse me?”

Hal looked at her. “(Y/N), we should think about getting married. I mean, we’re gonna have a kid together. Might as well tie the knot while we’re at it.”

She merely blinked and spun, walking off. “Nope. Not happening. I’ll be your baby-mama, but I am not marrying you.”

“Hey! Wait up!”

[haldenlith]

Warframe x Destiny 2

Okay, since I’ve kind of, on and off, compared the two, my brain got thinking on a “What If xyz Destiny 2 Character was an Operator in Warframe? What frame would they use/main?”

So here we go!

This will be excluding a lot of the new frames because I’m just not familiar enough with them. So that means we’re excluding everyone added after (and including, because I only know him vaguely as Gotta Go Fast frame) Gauss.

I also might have gone in and done custom appearances too... (Fashion frame, the true endgame.)

I’ll start with my D2 OC, Hal.

Hal: Inaros

At first, I was going to say Rhino or something, given Hal’s beefy build and tendency to just charge in and not often die (mm, yes, delicious almost 100 Resilience). But then, I realized, wait, he’s not just a Warlock, he’s a DEVOUR Warlock, and there’s one frame that ticks both the “eat your enemies and regain health” and “never die” boxes. That’s the Sand King himself, Inaros.

 Gotta love the Ramses helmet looking a bit like Nezarec’s Sin.

   Crow: Harrow

You know, you’d think, with his bird theme, I’d immediately say, oh, Zephyr. I’ll grant you, it’s not a bad choice. However, think about Crow’s whole character arc: it’s ultimately been about redemption and penance for past sins. There is a perfect frame for that, though the religiousy theme doesn’t fit, the idea of penance fits. Harrow. It also works in that Harrow tends to be something of a support and protection frame, while also being able to do damage. Another good suggestion would be Ivara, for her mechanics (they’re very Hunter-y). Maybe Crow would main Harrow, but would have Zephyr and Ivara back in his Orbiter for if he needs them?

   Ikora: Nova

So, initially I was going to say “Saryn”, but then I remembered that sheeeee got kinda nerfed, so she doesn’t deal out damage like she used to, and she doesn’t have very good survivability. Then I realized there’s another frame that works for our Warlock Vanguard: Nova. Ikora is supposed to low-key be the most powerful warlock in at least the entire system of Sol (yes, stronger than Osiris), so a frame with incredibly high DPS would be appropriate for her. There’s also Mesa, but I feel like her theme doesn’t fit as well, being a Gunslinger frame. Also, come on, the name. Nova. It’s perfect.

   Zavala: Hildryn

Big Shield Woman for “GET BEHIND MY SHIELD” Titan. Memes aside, I do think Hildryn is good for Zavala. She can take a lot of damage and still stay standing, while also protecting her allies. Very appropriate for our Titan Vanguard Dad. There’s not much else to say, honestly.

I don’t have Hildryn so I can’t do customizations to suit Zavala.

  Cayde-6: Mesa

Also why Ikora didn’t get Mesa, because I was going to give it to Mr. (Dead) Gunslinger, Cayde. At first, I considered Mirage, given her trickster theme, and Cayde was certainly a trickster, or Ivara because of her kit, but ah, the theme of Mesa just fits too perfectly, along with her general kit and damage. Also, just look at that fabulous hat with her Prime version. Cayde would wear that fancy ass cowboy hat if he wasn’t doing a cloak.

I also don’t have Mesa because I hate grinding Alad V, and I have terrible RNG with farming Prime parts.

  Saint-14: Rhino

Big chonk frame that offers some small amount of support to his allies (increases their damage), but is ultimately about charging in, head first, and wrecking face. This is very much the sort of frame you run in and headbutt things to death with. Also I feel like Rhino’s big Stomp ability is very Saint-ish. Angrily stomp the ground so hard you send your enemies flying into the air.

And an honorable mention:

Uldren Sov: Excalibur Umbra

Okay, so, I almost went with Equinox, because of the dual thing. Why? Well, when I think of Uldren, I think of co-dependent, unfortunately. As much of a badass as he was, he... required having another half, which was Mara. He fell to pieces when that other half wasn’t there. So, it’d have to be a frame that works in some dual-dependent sense. Equinox’s kit doesn’t really fit, though. Or, rather, only the Day form fits. Sure, one could go “Oh, but the Night Form is Mara,” buuuut this is a singular frame used by a singular operator. Also, I... don’t think Mara would play pacifist support. SO! I went with Excalibur Umbra.

Excalibur because he’s just an all around good frame to run into a fray on his own and be a badass, plus his Exalted Blade ability performs essentially the exact same as the sword that was dedicated to Uldren, Black Talon. However, it has to be the Umbra version, not just because the whole “edgy tortured existence” thing (although that too), but because Umbra is unique in that, when the Operator steps out of it, it can act on its own, unlike other frames which are basically just... weapon suits, at the end of the day. Umbra is, in essence, dependent on the Operator, in spite of being able to move on his own.

As an addendum, I’d really pick Stalker, but Stalker is unique and not a Warframe, technically. That said, Stalker is 100% an irritating bully to every Operator and Warframe out there. (No, Stalker, I don’t feel like fighting you today, please get out of my mission, ugh...)

(I used the Zato helmet because it’s so damn extra and I don’t have any of the other fancy helms. Also, careful not to get cut on that red/black EDGE.)

[sushigal007]

So Many Capps

Goddammit, I closed the page without saving again. Time to type up the final Capp household! Again!

Last time, I managed to cram the whole family into a shoebox, so Albany immediately pumped Goneril full of quads, just to spite me. They’ll be growing up this round, so I moved them into a bigger house.

Albany: Time to fill this one up with EVEN MORE BABIES. Miranda: Please stop pulling that face.

Mercutio: A PLAGUE UPON YOUR HOUSE. That’s not how the quote goes. Mercutio: Yeah, I’m not stupid enough to curse my own family this time.

Anyway, Ariel enjoys playing ponies while she recuperates.

And Miranda rests by reading stories to Phoebe and Hermione.

Skill the ills away. Goneril: Or Albany could make soup. Oh, great idea lol, I forgot about that.

Cornwall: Think they’ll miss one? Honestly? No.

Desdemona: Do I need to go back home and kick my uncle in the balls? Nah, it’s fine. Desdemona: But I want to. :(

Never mind that, it’s headmaster time!

And wow, we didn’t even need to feed this one!

Albany: And I made salmon too. I’m insulted. Goneril: Oh well. Celebratory shag?

Goneril: You can leave the hat on.

Welcome to BABY JAIL.

Phoebe: EXCUSE ME CAN WE GET SOME HELP UP HERE!?

Cornwall: Did you hear something? Goneril: Nah.

Miranda: Looking fiiine!

Some sweet sisterly bonding. I wonder what they’re talking about? Miranda: You ever watch that cartoon about the old couple who survive a nuclear bomb? That was messed up. Yeah, thanks for that mental trauma, Raymond Briggs.

Why are you starving? Goneril: Got promoted! You’d think they’d at least buy you dinner to celebrate. Goneril: APPARENTLY NOT!

The nanny is as competent as ever. Phoebe and Nerissa: So... sleepy... Nanny: What’s that? You want another bottle?

Hal: Hey, seeing as you made all that mess, do you think you could clean it up? Nanny: I don’t really want to, but I can’t refuse your influence.

Thankfully we’ll soon be free of bottle stank, because it’s birthday time! First up is Phoebe.

Desdemona: TOOT TOOT.

Phoebe: Visible hands! Yes, I think it’s safe to say I fixed that problem. (Missing mesh for a repository bottom, made the whole body invisible.)

I don’t usually bother sharing traits, but I just had to screencap Phoebs here, who apparently would much rather be on a fishing boat...

...But hates the water! Phoebe: I like being on the water, not in it. It’s not that deep. Unlike water. Yuck.

Next, Hermione.

And Rosalind... what are you all looking at? Desdemona: Ugh, take a fucking guess.

Cornwall: *cracks knuckles* What? I’m not gonna do anything during the party.

So, Hermione.

And Rosalind.

Welp, Albany’s broken.

Hermione: What’s that? I got distracted by my hands. Albany: help. Rosalind: I feel so tall!

And now for the final quad, Nerissa.

Hal: THAT’S A BEAR!

Mercutio: A PLAGUE!!! SHUT UP, MERCUTIO!!!

Oops.

I had a moment of concern when Goneril and Desdemona suddenly sprinted outside...

But it turned out they just wanted a water balloon fight.

Desdemona: I’m so stressed out about the play! What play?

Oh, that play.

Hermione: I HATE SCHOOL I AM NOT HAVING FUN.

Miranda: And then a car crashed into the school and it burst into flames and burned down until there was nothing left. Hermione: This is the greatest story ever.

Did you lot bring home the whole neighbourhood? Hal: Dad said he wanted to see how many friends we could fit in here, for some reason.

I have no idea why Ariel dumped her homework in the attic, but Hal gave her a hand with it anyway.

Sophie: Trains? Hal: Never seen one. I don’t think they exist.

Cornwall: And that’s how your science works. Rosalind: Wow, that’s amazing! You’re so cool, Uncle Cornwall!

I just screencapped this because it’s adorable.

You’ve got like, a million relatives, the cheap bastards.

Beau: We should all be recycling more. Miranda: Uh huh fascinating anyway, you want some cake? It’s Ariel’s birthday.

That’s right, Ariel’s becoming a teen now too.

Ariel: A teen with green fingers. They look S1 to me. Ariel: Oh hah hah. What’s my new LTW?

That’s... that’s a lot of plants. I’ll get you a garden plot. (Also yay, new LTW mod works!)

Goneril: Like the new underwear set? Albany: No. Take it off immediately.

Um...

Sophie: I don’t talk to weebs. Beatrice: :(

Oops.

Miranda: I don’t care what Uncle Cornwall says. This is how you science. Buck: Sexy science! Shouldn’t you be doing your own homework?

Miranda: Ugh, why is there so much of it!? Because you keep not doing it.

Rosalind: Aliens! Uncle Cornwall said we should be looking out for them! Phoebe: Des says Uncle Cornwall’s an idiot. Rosalind: No offence, but Des is fifteen and spends every day in fairy cosplay.

They do all have beds, I swear!

They’re at school, you can go now. Desdemona: Not yet. There’s something I gotta do. What’s that?

Desdemona: And a one and a two and...

A CHALLENGER APPROACHES.

Desdemona: All right, uncle, put ‘em up!

Can you two NOT?

Desdemona: Fine. I’ll build a robot to do it instead.

Nerissa: WHY IS THERE NOTHING FUN IN THIS HOUSE?

Sure, why not.

Rosalind: I know there’s aliens out there. I’m gonna find them.

Goneril: No. Makoto: I didn’t even- Goneril: NO.

Goneril: So I thought as I have a day off tomorrow, I’d quit my job and find a new one that starts immediately, because I- I mean, we could really use the money.

Sure, why not.

Miranda: I’ve decided I want more than friendship. Didn’t you want to flirt with Beau too? Miranda: I can flirt with more than one person.

Miranda: Besides... triple bolts! Can’t argue with that! But first, let’s do that date with Benedick.

Oh wow, he’s tiny!

Benedick: Actually this is the perfect height.

SCREAM

Mrs Crumplebottom: Nope, that’s too messed up even for me. Benedick: *openly motorboats*

Desdemona: We got a pool table! Wanna play? Hal: Sounds fun!

I do love a little sibling bonding.

Martha: Can I have a go? I wanted a lemonade stand too, but we live in an apartment, so I can’t. Nerissa: Wow excuse me, it’s my turn next!

Martha: BOOOO YOU SUCK EVEN WORSE THAN HAL!

Adorable!

Oops.

Thank you, Benedick, but Miranda is in college now.

Miranda: Makeover. NOW. Right on it! Miranda: Also I’m supposed to have sunglasses. Duly noted!

So um, I tried adjusting the values on the height mod because I was tired of the wonky animations and I fucked up.

Too poor, but I’ll lock it for you.

Goneril: Don’t you think a tropical vacation would be lovely, Ariel dear? TOO. POOR.

Anyway, it’s the weekend, so I had Albany take all the children out for the day.

Hal: Never gonna give you up~

Desdemona: Yes, my ass is truly magical. Phoebe: You should be arrested for that pun alone.

Rosalind: -And I still haven’t seen any aliens yet, but I’m gonna keep looking. Cornwall: Excellent work, Rosalind. Stay vigilant. You never know when they might be working with Montys.

Hermione: What’s that? Nerissa: Is it real? Hermione: I don’t think so. Townie: I can hear you, you know.

Promotions all round!

Goneril: OK kids, be good for your dad, see you in a week!

And the week ends with Goneril temporarily moving out to go stay in the main Capp house for the next round! Because I suspect Consort won’t last the whole week, and Juliette will be off to college, and Hermia and Tybalt aren’t due to graduate until the round after, so Goneril will be housesitting. Goneril: Just out of curiosity, what are the squatting laws again? Haha! Funny joke! Until next time!

Uberhood Index

[storeboughtbrand]

So I was rewatching pitch perfect and a dumb head-canon came to mind. Do you think the Wayne kids ever perform a song and dance at the Wayne Gala ever year. Like can you imagine them doing the Barden Bellas’ final performance. Like them doing the line thing as Beca does her solo. Cause I can imagine the girl doing the splits as Dick. And not just the Wayne kids but also Barbara and Stephanie. Idk if Damien would join in, maybe when he’s older. Some years, the kids even convince Bruce to join in and this year the entire justice league, young justice, and Titans are there. Like this was the year Bruce finally allowed the other heroes to come to the Wayne Gala and they see this shit show.

Like Imagine:

Hal: Hey, where the hell is Spooky?? I thought we finally got him to agree to hang out with us out of costume.

Oliver: Idk, he said that his kids needed him and took off running.

Barry: You don’t think he’s trying to avoid us right???

Clark: No, I’m sure whatever it was it was extremely important. Maybe it’s *looks around to see if anyone is listening and leans in closer* batman related.

Diana, Dinah, and Shayera: *looks at him with exasperation*

Dinah: Maybe the kids know what they’re doing *looks at the titans and young justice at their own tables*

Suddenly the lights dim down and a spotlight shines on the stage at the front of the room. Stephanie stands underneath it with the biggest shit-eating grin on her face.



Stephanie: Ladies, Gents, and Non-binary buddies. Thank you all for coming to this year’s annual Wayne Gala. This evening you are in for a treat! For tonight, we have some prime-time entertainment to go with your dinner provided by the Wayne Family. So relax, pull up a chair as the dining room proudly presents......Your dinner.

Then she slips through the curtains behind her and disappears into the darkness with a creepy giggle.

Arthur: What the hell was that all about???

J’onn: I believe Bruce has decided to include entertainment for us to enjoy with our meals. I, for one, am looking forward to what’s to come.

Hal: Are you sure you should? I mean, this is Spooky we’re talking about. You know, Tall, Dark, and Eternally Brooding. Entertainment to him is probably listening to the screams of gotham’s criminals on repeat while brooding next to a gargoyle.

Clark: C’mon now Hal, let’s give Bruce the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure Bruce has.....

Suddenly, the curtain opens up and the entire batfamily is standing there dressed to the nines in expensive suits and dress(Dick rocking dark blue high heels). Each of them have their own microphone. Dick pulls out a harmonica and blows a tuning note.

Tim: Seems like everybody’s got a price, I wonder how they sleep at night when the sale comes first and the truth comes second just stop for a minute and smile.....

Meanwhile the Justice League, Titans, and Young Justice are just watching slack-jawed with the most confused looks on their faces. Most of the Gothamites present, however, have a knowing look on their faces and just continue to eat their dinner while watching the batfamily. Some of the old Gothamites have a annoyed look on their faces and just roll their eyes(thats cause they old fashioned).

Stephanie: Everybody look to the left, everybody look to the right. Can you feel that, yeah, paying with love tonight.....

*pause*

Hal: WHAT THE FUC......

Harper: It ain’t all about the money...

Batfamily proceeds to do the entire routine.

https://youtu.be/mAVPYq8fc3k

———————————————————————-

Extras:

Barry: This can’t be real right?! Guys we’re all on a mission and trapped in a hallucination right?! Right?!?!??

All of them proceed to watch as Bruce does the hip roll thing while winking at them with a smirk.

Justice League: *confused, scared, and slightly aroused*

Bruce internally: Fuck Fuck Fuck why did I do that?!?!!

———————————————————————-

Dick singing Beca’s solo while staring at his team with a smirk on his face and hooded eyes.

Dick: As you walk on by.. Will you call my name? As you walk on by..... (doing the line thing with the legs)

Kaldur, Artemis, Wally, M’gann, Connor, Zatanna, and Raquel: Hello Officer yes I’m being attacked SEND BACKUP!!!

Alternative:

Kaldur, Artemis, Wally, M’gann, Connor, Zatanna, and Raquel: This is a COVERT mission, This is a COVERT mission, This is a COVERT mission, ........

[tactiletelekonesis]

sir we are need desperate need of flash fam hcs. would you do the honours?

Ok I’m not as well versed in Flashfam content but I’ll try! I mainly know Bart, but I’ll give it my best shot.

First I’d like to start off with my favorite canon facts about Bart because I can’t NOT talk about him: 

He skateboards!

He once tried to get a Green Lantern tattoo but his healing abilities made it go away after five minutes and his friends knew it would happen but let him spend the money anyway lmao

He’s insanely popular at school, like, everyone loves him and he doesn’t get it

He once shaved his head because he was sick of people at school touching his hair, but Max made him wear a wig to school anyway

Ok now for the headcanons:

Bart has a skateboard that’s modified to not wear down at superspeed so he can use it at his own pace. He rarely uses it because he prefers to use regular skateboards cos it gives him time to slow down and think

On a similar note, Wally has modified roller skates! His kids want their own but he insists that they stick to non-modified roller skates until they’re old enough to control their speed more consistently

All the speedsters are pretty much geniuses but I like to believe that Bart is the only one who has a photographic memory (which, the memory thing is canon btw) because like... look, a lot of people make Bart the butt of the joke in the Flashfam but he’s special to me and I love him

Wally is the fastest speedster. Sometimes they wonder if Bart would have grown up to be faster, but they’ll never know because Bart has a prosthetic knee from when he was shot and it gives him a limp (also canon). This makes Wally the favorite of the speedforce (yes I’m stealing this from @damthosefandoms but look, she’s right, that’s why I’m stealing it)

Jai and Irey are almost as fast as their dad but not quite

The speedforce is an entity with a mind of it’s own and the speedsters are its favorite humans.

Barry Allen has so much love in his heart. He loves his family, he loves his friends, he loves his rogues.

On that note, Barry Allen and Hal Jordan are best friends (and sometimes lovers?) and I know that’s pretty much a given in the fandom but it needs to be said again because I love their friendship

Max and Jay are good friends but they can get competitive about “their” respective kids so despite the fact that Bart is literally Barry’s grandson, Max and Jay try to one up each other with Barry and Bart’s exploits on who’s more proud of their kid. When Barry gets involved he talks about Wally, and when Jai and Irey are born, Wally gets involved talking about his kids. It’s a mess.

All! Speedsters! Have! ADHD! It’s just a given. It can cause them problems, but they manage. The speedforce helps.

I’m on the fence about whether I want to headcanon Bart as having Tourette’s? There’s literally no basis for it other than the fact that I have Tourette’s and I want to project, but like. It would fit him well imo, and I think Tourette’s is best suited to superspeed out of all the powers because my body constantly feels like it’s not going fast enough.

Barry is defensive of his rogues. Someone tells him that his rogues are lame compared to another city’s and he goes off on them. People think he’s insane because he criticizes the rogues in one breath and defends them in another

Bart avoids VR games after travelling back in time because while it might not be the same level of technology, he doesn’t want to trigger himself with something similar

Listen, growing up in VR was traumatic for him because no one was real, he didn’t process death, he didn’t process danger

I ping pong back and forth on whether Bart is aroace or gay, so I’m gonna say he’s demi.

Wally and Barry are bi

I haven’t given thought to the sexualities of the other speedsters and I’m not going to lol

They all welcome Jess Chambers (not to be confused with Jesse, I’m talking about the one from Future State) with open arms when they come to this universe

Jess is canonically nonbinary, and I think that inspires Bart to be more open with his gender too

Jai and Irey are menaces. They try to get away with using their superspeed in little ways just to mess with their dad

When they’re old enough to join the Teen Titans, Jai is the leader. I don’t know why I just know in my gut that he is.

Having two speedsters on the Teen Titans is confusing but they manage and it actually works out well!

Irey likes to change her hair often and the fam makes her wear wigs as a civilian to not give away her identity

I want to include headcanons about Wallace, Avery, Jesse, and others, but I’m not as familiar with them and don’t want to do them disservice, you know? But what I’ve read of them they seem pretty cool! I just need to read more of them.