#if you find yourself trying to be the judge of the validity of someone elses life experience.... dont!

[castielfucks]

I wish more people realized that when someone is seeking diagnosis, it's not because we are trying to collect diseases like infinity stones. it's not to be quirky or interesting.

diagnosis is the guide to resources and community. knowing how to help yourself, being able to understand yourself, connecting with others with similar experiences so you dont feel crazy or alone, finding the right places to look for relief and support, learning about accommodations that can make your life not only easier but liveable.

and for all these reasons, people are allowed to be excited for their diagnosis, theyre allowed to lean into it and advocate for themselves with language they didn't even know existed for the way they live. it is entirely normal to be happy and relieved after finding out that not only is there a name for your experience, but also people groups communities just like you ready to talk about it and support each other.

diagnosis opens up entire worlds for people, that's a good thing. and we need to stop shaming anyone who wants/seek it.

[n3xii]

clarity on your manifestation ~ pick a wand

Choose a wand that you feel drawn! today's pick a card will help you gain insight on what you're manifesting from a LOA perspective (law of assumption) What you will get:

-what you need to release

-what you need to know

-what you need to embrace

wand one

what you need to know: nine of wands reversed

manifesting is about persistence- its about prevailing in the mindset that you already have what you want regardless of what you see in front of you. This nine of wands reversed here talks about anxiety and paranoia, you may fear that you won't actually get what you want. you lack the belief in yourself to manifest it. This is mainly a self concept issue- developing the self belief that you can persist and that you are a powerful manifester can greatly benefit you in this time. you need to know that you have actually come very far in your manifestation, and you get further by being consistent.

What you need to release: judgement

Your inner critic and inner pessimist is instilling you with fear. you need to release the instinct to harshly judge yourself and your circumstances just because you don't see what you want yet. Resist the inner critic, show yourself compassion instead. you also need to release the urge to make immediate assements of your reality when you dont see what you want- i feel like this pile struggles to stay in one consistent mindset. a person who has what they want doesnt immediately make an contradicting assumption about their reality, they persist in it.

what you need to embrace: the hermit reversed

You need to embrace the world around you, come out of your shell. Integrate back into your community, family, and social circles. all this time alone, self-isolating and existing in your head might be affecting your mental health in a negative way that snowballs into a negative self concept. You need to embrace that you're just like everyone else, there is no special wisdom to manifesting, there is no special quality to believing in yourself. having faith in your ability to bring about your desires is not exclusive to a few special people, its for everyone willing to persist through old illusions to empower themselves. you got this, you are capable, validate your own inner strength.

Wand Two

What you need to know: the moon reversed

You are in the process of liberating yourself from illusions and projections. When the moon card is in reversed, it tells me that you're no longer unaware of subconscious thoughts and beliefs that might have been holding you back. You have managed to face underlying beliefs head on, and this has helped you clear out lingering doubt, illusions, lies, myths etc.

what you need to release: page of pentacles

The idea that you need to work for a long, grueling time is something you need to release. Do you think elon musk works hard (no) Do you think people at the top do hard work? NO. They're capitalist and they exploit other people to be where they are. the idea that you need to work hard for a long time in order to be successful is a lie capitalist tell you so its easier to exploit you. You can manifest a life of ease, for opportunities to find you, for freedom from capitalistic mindsets.

What you need to embrace: knight of swords

the knight of swords is direct, abrasive, and clear minded. This is someone who knows what they want and they channel all of their mental energy to getting it. You need to embrace this directness, be forward about what you want. be unapologetic. be relentless in your self belief. you need to embrace a mindset that you will get what you want no matter what because you can.

Wand three

What you need to know: two of pentacles

The two of pentacles is an energy of change, specifically adapting to change. Intuitively speaking, i feel that the people who chose this pile are adapting to the change they are trying to make in their lives- you are trying to remain balanced and stable in what you want to manifest. The card depicts someone trying to balance between two things- are you still balancing two realities at once? you cannot walk in two directions at the same time. This is an energy of adapting, you're still in the process of selecting the mindset that you want to persist in without the old story peering into your thoughts. That is completely ok, keep going don't give up.

What you need to release: strength reversed

The strength card in reverse is essentially telling me that you feel as though you do not possess the inner strength and resilience to be persistent. the strength card in reverse is someone who reacts, and doens't have the inner strength to resist against the temptation of reacting to undesired circumstances. Release that negative self concept that you're weak. you are strong enough, you are not your circumstance.

What you need to embrace: knight of pentacles reversed

Ease. You need to embrace ease. manifesting is not hard work, it is not supposed to be taxing on your physical and mental stamina. It doesnt have to be complicated or even slow. etc. Embrace the process, and that it doesnt have to require so much damn work.

[borderlinereminders]

This is a reminder that you aren't a bad person if you feel jealous. You aren't failing if you're jealous.

A lot of people paint jealousy as this terrible thing, but the emotion itself is not inherently bad. It's actually a really normal emotion, and being able to talk about it without being shamed for it can be really important to coping with the feelings.

If you're struggling with feelings of jealousy, that's really valid. Some things you can try and do are:

Find the source of the jealousy. If you're feeling jealous that your friend has a new partner, perhaps the jealousy comes from you feeling you won't ever be able to be in a happy relationship. Or perhaps you remember in the past when another friend started dating, that they stopped focusing on your friendship. Knowing where it comes from can help you figure out how to cope with it. For example, if you're worried you're losing your friend, maybe you focus on seeking reassurance in a healthy way.

Talk about it. For example, if your partner is unintentionally doing things that lead to you feeling jealous, or perhaps someone else is interacting with them in a way where you feel jealous, you can talk to your partner about this. This is a conversation you should have when you have the time for a productive conversation, and when you're feeling calm. It's possible your partner didn't notice the behaviour, or didn't realize that it bothered you so much. This can be a time to re-visit boundaries. Remember that even if your feelings are coming from a place of past hurt that has nothing to do with your partner, it's still okay to talk to them about it. Perhaps you can come up with a solution together, or a way to work on your insecurities. You don't need to just suffer in silence because it's "not their fault."

Talk to another trusted individual. Sometimes talking to someone outside the situation can help. There are times I struggle with jealousy when it comes to my partner. Things like that he gets to spend so much time with his one co-worker, and I feel like she sees him more than I do. Stuff that he can't control. I have talked to him about it, but sometimes, talking to my trusted friend helps. She can validate my feelings but also help talk through them. Her outside perspective can sometimes help me see things differently.

Consider you don't have the full picture. This is relevant in situations like seeing your co-worker on social media posting happy photos of herself and her partner. Maybe you feel jealous that they're always so happy and carefree. But the reminder that you don't actually know that can be important for perspective sometimes. These pictures are just a glimpse into the person's life and it doesn't show the times they may have argued, or are otherwise struggling with issues whether there are issues with each other, or issues like financial stress they need to deal with together.

Practice techniques to get through the moment. When you’re struggling in the moment, sometimes a distraction is what we need to focus. There are a number of different coping skills that can be used like grounding exercises, DBT skills (I recommend looking at tolerance skills specifically) and other things that can help us get through the moment. Sometimes we need to get our attention away from our feelings of jealousy to resist urges we may have that could damage our relationships.

Don’t judge yourself for feeling jealous. This is a normal emotion. It’s not “bad” or “wrong”. It’s a feeling. It’s okay to be human. Learning to accept our feelings can be important to moving on from them.

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Growing up with someone who kept on judging you, pointing out when you were doing even the most normal things ever (as having a cookie at 4/5PM), but in a repetitive and kinda abusive way, is really painful. It shakes you from the inside. It makes you doubt about what you do, about you being wrong, not being enough. Especially if it's the cherry on top of many other abusive behaviours you have experienced.

It's something that probably your caregiver, being triggered themselves by that same action, cannot consciously understand nor refrain from doing. It's their mind going "Oh, they're doing this thing! Point it out! They're worse than you, yay!", cause of how they probably had to grow up as well, being judged, being accused for no particular reason. Maybe sometimes they still do that same action, but in their mind they feel as if it's wrong or aren't behaving (even if nobody judges them directly anymore, their mind is simply wired that way). They probably always felt a second choice compared with someone else in their family, not smart or good enough, they may have felt guilty too after doing any normal action, and now they seek comfort in judging others and feeling better than them. And seek validation from others as well, by pointing these things out loud too, in a repetitive way. Making you feel even worse. They may even compare what you do to other people that they normally consider "bad", people they like to watch and judge a lot, and point out their mistakes or quirks too. This ofc can only make it worse to you, cause your unconscious mind reads this as "You're as bad as them in your caregiver's mind". And it makes you shut down entirely and give up or stop your action. Which, instead, makes your caregiver get offended: "I was only saying, why do you stop?". And this starts a new situation: you are getting a double opposite feedback. And you don't know what to trust. You cannot trust someone that gaslights and manipulates you. But it's still their mind, not letting them see what they are doing to you, not letting them realize is what they have been going through all their life and are repeating onto you. They cannot stop or see the reason behind all that they are doing, they cannot understand that they are hurting you, even if they went through the same. Minds work so subtly at times.

But please, you. Try your best to let them be. Focus on you, do what you want and let your caregiver speak. Don't take their words so deeply into you. I know they pain you, I know. But focus on what makes you happy and, despite the abuse (which is hard to not pay attention too), find your way to complete any action you were doing that was supposed to make yourself happy, and to take care of yourself. Maybe tell your caregiver they are hurting you with their words. Talk with them, help them realize. Or just pretend they're not there. I know it's very hard, but I also know you can make it. You come first. and you're not doing anything wrong, despite what your caregivers' mind wants you to think. Push away from you their own trauma. It's not yours. It's not you.

This doesn't have to happen only with your caregivers tbh. It can happen also in other type of relationships. Your family though, may make these type of thoughts much more rooted inside of you cause you have been forming a lot of your emotional side in your early days. But whatever is the type of abusive relationship you may have experienced, please, try to find your peace of mind, to get away from it at least mentally. To stand your ground and talk things out (but ofc if it's someone way too abusive, just leave).

[mistymeow69]

the thing wrong with the radqueer community, as a semi-active member.

*THIS IS ENTIRELY MEANT TO BE RESPECTFUL AND JUST TALKING ABOUT MY THOUGHTS, PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY

The thing that I believe is harming the rq community and its reputation, as well as driving away a lot of newer members, and tearing apart the community of the veteran members, is the controversy over what is and isn't a transid, a transid vs a fantasy/desire.

More specifically, I find it kind of strange how people take everything they want and put the trans- prefix on it, make it a flag, and suddenly it's valid. Not to say all identities aren't valid and subjective, but I just feel like a lot of people don't understand what it means to be transid.

Like, for example, transst4lked. Do you feel dysphoria over not being st4lked? Do you feel genuine euphoria and like you're truly yourself when you're st4lked? Or is it just something you want to happen? Are you ACTUALLY transitioning to it in any way? Is it really a transid if there is no trans- in the first place? Have you felt this way for a long time, even throughout childhood, or did you just read one Colleen Hoover book and immediately run to Tumblr to tarnish the rq community?

This is also a part of the controversy surrounding transharmed identities. There's no real way to tell if someone ACTUALLY has that illness or trauma or whatever intertwined with their identity, and they truly understand the struggles of the people who naturally have it, and if they can actually see themselves with it and happier with it in the future, or if they're just romanticizing, faking it, and/or just a kid who doesn't know what it's like to feel the need to transition in any way and forgets about it in a month.

This is not to say all transid or transharmed people are like this, I'm transid myself, I'm just saying it's a big problem nobody talks about because the rq community is supposed to be supportive of everyone, so it's filled with silence when it comes to things like this, nobody wants to be the one to judge.

I just feel like a lot of people don't understand the concept of a transid, to transition to something else, to feel as though you are something else inside and should've been born as that and you'd feel so much more fulfilled the more you could live your life like that, whether it be gender, race, age, etc. I really don't want people going around misusing our labels to feel special then going and abandoning it in a month or two.

Now, as I say myself, there's always room to learn about things you don't understand. You shouldn't go and directly tell people they're invalid without at least trying to have a look on the inside. So, if anyone finds this sort of thing applies to you, feel free to help me understand in the comments. But if you just feel attacked, then you're proving my point.

So, there's my 4 am rant on why I believe trendhoppers are tearing apart the radqueer community.

[dragonflydestiny]

Letter to your soulmate ✉️

My very first pick a card. This pick a card is going to be about your letter (the reader) to your soulmate. What would you write to them? Let’s find out. Pick from 1-4. Thank you.

P.S. Their responding letter will reach you soon.

Disclaimer: This is meant as entertainment only. Takes only what resonate.

My Master List

✉️

💌 Letter 1 🍒

9 of Swords, 6 of Pentacles and 3 of Swords in reverse

My dear Soulmate,

What have I become?. The thoughts of having you give me anxiety and the thoughts of not having you also give me anxiety. My doubts and my fears do get to me and I would lay at night thinking that maybe there is no one out there truly meant for me. It’s a long process I have to go through, keeping my anxious thoughts at bay and learning discernment. To know the different between my fearful thoughts and reality. And I will learn not to judge myself for those low moments of self-deprecation and self-pity. Because deep down I know that the universe works by the law of cause and effect, the law of karma. At least in this life, you and I are tie by our past karma and the universe will give to me you, whom I deserve. Not only the universe is fair but it is also generous.

I know at this time we’re not together yet because I still have some wounds to heal, wounds I am reluctant to address. Even though I am working very hard trying to earn stability and security, I still fear that I am not ready and this quote comes to mind “One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels”. I know I do more than enough but why does I feel like I am not enough. It’s because, growing up, I kept telling myself these dialogues for far too long, “if I am not the fears anymore, then what has I become?”. Would you know?. While waiting for you I will become something else than fear. Courage?, joy?, relieved? Who knows. But at this time, please wait a little longer. We will meet soon when I address my low self-esteem issues. I will also work on my mother wound. When we meet I will tell you all about her and how much fear she instilled in me. She was a hardworking woman and similar to me, she never saw her own worth. She ties her worth in monetary gains and seeks outside validation. For that reason, she was really never here for me and in our relationship, it lacked the balance of equal give and take. I felt like I was only giving and never really received. So growing up, I only know how to give and now it still hard and awkward to receive but I am willing to learn.

Just by writing to you bring me so much joy and motivate me to learn. By connecting to you already make me want to be a better person, to show up as my best for you. When we meet I want to give you something as well, a small token perhaps. It’s small but it will mean so much. I know that when we meet, even though it will be brief, I will think about those moments shared for the rest of the week. You will fill my mind, take up every space and the constant thoughts of you will make me smile. Your caring nature makes me go soft, you help me to finally feel what it’s like to have someone truly care for me. I appreciate how you are so determine to remind me everyday that I am more than enough. Times where I will put myself down you will be quick to lift me up even higher. My shining star, who shines the brightest in my darkest night “if one word would describe love, it would be your name…”. You will teach me what true love really is and I will be your willing student.

Love,

(Your name)

Channeled poem: To Be In Love by Gwendolyn Brooks “To be in love is to touch with a lighter hand. In yourself you stretch, you are well.”

Channeled song: LOVE POEM by IU “I’ll be there, behind you who walks alone” “I will sing for you who walks long nights than most”.

✉️

💌 Letter 2 🎀

The Hierophant in reverse, 9 of Wands in reverse and 8 of Wands.

Hey you,

I just want to say that I am not like other girls/boys. I am not traditional and the thought of marriage, working 9 to 5 and conventional stuff, they don’t appeal to me. I rather do something else to secure my life. I know that it would be slow, very slow but at least my foundation will be firm. I will build it out of my true authentic desires instead of other’s. I also know that it would mean our meeting will happen later on in life because right now I want to focus on myself, my security. It is sad that our union will take a little while but I know deep down that it will be worth it. In the meantime, I will continue to fight for my way and put in the necessary work. Even though at times, I feel so tired and burned out and sometimes I feel like these burden paths will never end. I know the place I want to achieve is high, I want to reach for the stars. I know these dreams do come with a lot of work and sacrifices. I know that, I can see the path clearly without illusions or rose coloured glasses. And I know that you are also cheering for me. You will be the most supportive person I know. When I feel like giving up, you are/will give me the strength to follow my heart. You remind me that I am part of something bigger, that I am part of the divine. I will understand that to honour the divine is to honour myself.

When I understand my fears a little better, I understand myself more and those past moments where I made ‘mistakes’. I can sometimes focus too much on the finish line, too much on the bigger picture and forget about the little details where it is most important. When I am fearful, I don’t focus enough on my actions rather I only worry about the results. I need to understand that there are huge correlation between the progress and the final outcome. It is a direct reflection. With that in mind, I must bring balance into my lifestyle. I can’t just work work and work. Life is about moderation and ironically the right temperance will somehow bring the fastest results. These realisation bring to me the confidence to continue whether or not I will succeed. I know you know these feelings really well and we relate a lot through our ‘failures’. We know what it’s like to have to face our dark and raw emotions and to be honest with ourselves. To feel the pain and loss of failures without repression and shame. You and I have to learn to listen to our emotions the hard way but it is worth it as we gain sincerity through those hardships. And now we can give it to ourselves and others. So when I’d meet you, you will only receive my utmost sincere emotions. I won’t repress my feelings for you either. After all, you will know either way because we are one.

When I met/will meet you, I can see so much of myself in you. Your journey remind me of my own, both the successful ones and the not successful ones. That is why I will understand you right away. I think I will fall for you instantly, without me realising, without me intending to. I thought we could just be good friends but through out each encounter I fall and fall more deeply for you. I love the dept of your character and through knowing you help me reach that dept within myself as well. You help me reach the deep uncharted water where I’m afraid to go and allow me to see it for what it is. By understanding the fears I have, I begin to fear less. You teach me true freedom where fears cannot hold me back anymore and now I can swim in the deepest ocean.

You are someone who can be deep and wise yet so beautiful and light at the same time. I grow fonder and fonder for you everyday. “My heart is so full of you I can hardly call it my own”. My feelings become so deep and intense that I can no longer hold it in. I have to confess how much I love you and through this letter I hope you can feel my love and support for you. You are my inspiration, the one where I will forever admire, my dream come true.

Yours, always

(Your name)

Channeled poem: The More Loving One by W.H. Auden “If equal affection cannot be, Let the more loving one be me.”

Channeled song: You Say by Lauren Daigle “You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing. You say I am strong when I think I am weak. And you say I am held when I am falling short. And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours. And I believe (I). Oh, I believe (I). What You say of me (I). I believe.”

✉️

💌 Letter 3 🍊

4 of cups, ace of Swords in reverse and the Hierophant.

Dear you,

I have to admit, it’s pretty lonely here without you. Maybe because I don’t really find anything or anyone interesting. It’s like there’s a disconnection between me and my environment. I can’t really connect to anybody, no one really understand me and I don’t care enough to understand them. I hope you can sympathise with my apathy. The world just look really bleak where I’m at, it is quiet but certainly not peaceful. I’m not sure if I should be the one that break this dullness. Even if it’s up to me to bring excitement back into my life, I still don’t know what I should do. I don’t really see a clear path to where I could escape this mundane life of mine. I know I shouldn’t expect you to come in and save me but maybe just maybe you could bring a little bit of magic back into my life. A sense of reciprocation perhaps?. But I’m not entirely sure how you could do that.

I only see it in movies where the main protagonist fell in love and their world turn up side down. Suddenly they find purpose and joy in their life. From black and white to array of rainbows, full of vitality. Excitement even in the little things, wild flowers turn to the most beautiful thing. It is these energy where you fall head over heels for your life , it’s where I can’t see myself being in. How can one person affect or influence another so much?. Maybe that’s exactly what you’re going to teach me. Are you going to come in and teach me the tradition and cliche of being in love?. A feeling of ecstasy and bliss where you sing with birds. It’s feel kind of silly and funny just by imagining it. I never really meet anyone who can make my heart sings that much. No one makes my eyes sparkles or my heart to skip a beat or even beat faster. No one really influences or interest me that much. So I hope you can change that for me. I know it’s not good to set expectations but at least I hope that you can make me stray, that you can make me follow you wherever you’d go. Can you be the one where I’d beg to take my hand and destroy this belief of mine where I demean the power of love.

I don’t understand how love can be the cure to everything. I want you to show me the power of love, show me that it is safe for me to express my love to you and also to myself. Convince me that everyone deserve to be loved, even me. Please show me that love is the answer because no one show me that before. Where I grew up, my childhood home, love wasn’t present. I didn’t have my parents to show me that unconditional love. Their love to me was conditioned and not all my needs were met. I didn’t really learn to connect with myself, to find out what I love to do or what I’m passionate about. I didn’t learn to take care of myself, I didn’t learn to love myself or meet all of my needs. I only learn to survive and mistaken these survival mode as normality. So I hope when you come along, your light would ignite the fire within me, the fire that had been dormant. You can teach me to unlearn these survival way of living. I hope you would love me unconditionally. With the fire that you ignite, it will continue to guide me even when the sky turns dark.

You would teach me what it means to truly take care of yourself in all aspects, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I hope we can create together a sense of home and safety where I can be for you and you can be for me. That we can hold hands and face whatever it is that we have to face together. I do want to do all those cheesy romantic things with you. Talking on the phone all night, chocolate and red roses on Valentine’s and even dancing in the rain. Let’s exchange poems as well. I do want to marry you and create a future together. I want to introduce you to my family, build a home and have children. I want to fully be here and enjoy the present moments. To feel the joy, pain and other range of emotions of life and see it as an adventure rather than something mundane and dull. So, let’s create that life together.

With love,

Your soulmate

Channeled poem: Variations on the Word Love by Margaret Atwood “Then there’s the two of us. This word is far too short for us, it has only four letters, too sparse to fill those deep bare vacuums between the stars that press on us with their deafness.”

Channeled song: Willow by Taylor Swift “Wherever you stray. I follow. I’m begging for you to take my hand. Wreck my plans. That’s my man.”

✉️

💌 Letter 4 🪲

2 of Cups in reverse, 7 of Swords and 4 of Swords in reverse.

Dear (name of soulmate)

I hope our union will turn out better than my last. Somehow I am not so successful with my love life. I guess I have a lot of lessons to learn through love in both romantic and platonic love. One of the lesson was the lesson of equal give and take, balance and reciprocation. Let’s just say that the divine did test me to see if I really understand the concept. They showed me that I can’t be the only one that give, I have to receive from my lover/the other person as well. What I had wasn’t a true reciprocal relationship, I had to see and admitted that. I had to be honest with myself even if the other person wasn’t. I had to stop lying to myself and see truly what was going on. It wasn’t true love and it pained me to realise that. But loosing a fake love wouldn’t be as painful as pretending it was real. So I chose to walk away. I chose to walk away because I couldn’t take the emotional and mental turmoil anymore. I couldn’t take the emotional unavailability, the immaturity, the manipulation and the coldness anymore. That relationship brought me everything but my peace of mind. I didn’t like who I was becoming if I were to stay. So I chose to walk away, I chose to change and made my choices with discernment. I let my mind leads me to my freedom. I wasn’t happy where I was because I tried so hard to control my relationship and my environment. I know now that was not the way. My approach to love, specifically giving love have to change.

Even though it took a while and looking back I still regret something in the past but I did learn my lessons the universe taught me. I learned not to let my emotions blind me from the truth. I learned to be honest with myself and to have the courage to admit and address the issues. To know I, too, have the birthright to have a loving and reciprocal relationship where it brings me pleasure and is able to meet all my needs. I deserve connections where I feel safe to express myself truthfully where trust is not an issue. So, if you’re coming to me with an untruthful energy, just know that I learned my lessons and I am not going to repeat it. I don’t have the time or energy to go through that again. Thankfully, going through those lessons have help me spot a lie from miles away.

Just know that when we meet, I would be able to see through you. I am very good at reading people. So come as you are, don’t try to be someone you’re not. If you earn my trust, show me authenticity and reciprocation, I know that I would bewitched by you. I already know I love your true self, you don’t have to be anything more for me. I accept and love you as you are. And “if loving you makes me a fool, then I’ll be a fool forever”. When you can make me feel safe to express myself, I will shower you with my love. I will kiss you good mornings and good nights. I will hug you everyday and declare my love to you whenever you demand. I won’t ever let you doubt my love for you, my affection will be the answer. I will write you poems after poems and promise my love on every page. I will be dedicated to you, forever and ever, always.

Forever yours,

Name of the reader

Channeled poem: Bird-Understander by Craig Arnold “Of many reasons I love you here is one, the way you write me from the gate at the airport so I can tell you everything will be alright.”

Channeled song: Queen of Hearts by Twice “Baby I was born to rule, yeah I’m the queen, I’m the queen. And it’s all because of you that I’m the queen of hearts.”

✉️

Thank you so much for stopping by, please do not hesitate to comment and tell me if it resonated. Any constructive criticism is also appreciated. See you on the next pick a card where your soulmate will respond to your letter.

Kind regards

- Dragonflydestiny 🪲

[itsjustpoopeh]

and while i'm here at the library with the good wifi and a keyboard let me address something else to the toxic weirdasses trying to pretend it's ✨internalized misogyny✨ because "if tommy were a woman you would hate her yall hated all his other girlfriends"

hmm. no 💃🏽

let's go through the list of buck's girlfriends, which i personally disliked and why. you'll be surprised to find that i only hated one, and it had to do with the way kristen reidel butchered her character to make a self insert

Abby - i liked abby a lot. she was flawed and vulnerable and liked buck. she helped him mature and become a little more thoughtful, and i think let him figure out how much he wanted to be in a real relationship and have all those romantic experiences (hot air balloon date i'll always regret your premature murder). yeah she left him in an awful way and didn't bother to apologize and i hated her for THAT but during the relationship? nah fam i was rooting for those crazy kids

Ali - hell i REALLY liked Ali. smart, sassy, fun, also just liked buck and enjoyed his company. i didn't like her abrupt exit from the show but it's perfectly valid for someone to say "i can't handle the danger you're in and this won't end well for either of us if we try"

let's skip taylor and come back

natalia - i LIKED her at first. sure she was a little judgy about all his crazy ass shenanigans but uh... who tf wouldn't be? she wasn't judging him as a person, just being like "bruh wtf have you gotten yourself in to?" they didn't do a lot to flesh out her character because... well, see: kristen reidel and then this season tim had to dump her character bc she didn't want to come back (valid of her tbh)

aight and the TAYLOR of it all:

i liked taylor when she was introduced. i said it

or, to be more accurate, i enjoyed her character and what i thought the purpose of her character as a plot device was going to be

i will forever die on the hill that taylor kelly could have been an excellent recurring friendly antagonist. a ruthless, ambitious, snarky reporter, getting in bitch fights with eddie every time she shows up to horn in on the 118 for one of her investigations trying to climb the vicious corporate news ladder. getting in the way, occasionally helping out against her will, climbing buck like a tree in bar restrooms, then flouncing off until her next appearance. it would have been great

and then kristen reidel needed a self-insert, tried to redeem her with no actual work done on selling it, made her spineless, then turned her back into an awful unethical reporter when she needed to get rid of her, and worse, made her BORING AS FUCK doing it AND didn't accomplish any narrative purpose with it? nah fuck that shit.

and what i want you to notice is that NONE OF THAT HAS FUCK ALL TO DO WITH BUDDIE

godDAMN y'all are testing my nerves

[mikauhso]

Small fandom rant, feel free not to read.

I don’t really care what an artist has done as a person, unless they’re like literally hitler or someone who you’d punch in public for their crimes, I find it a bit sad and annoying how so many artists online are willing to tear down someone else’s art to say “I did it better.” It’s one thing to give constructive crit in good faith, and it’s another to make an OC-ified version of canon out of your love for something, but creating something out of spite will almost always ring hollow for me. I see so much good art duct taped to posts about how “here I fixed it” or “lol you can’t draw” and I think back to the time when I learned the phrase, “you’ll attract more flies with honey than vinegar.” It disheartens me to see artists and people I’d know to be kind and constructive not extend the same kind of care hey show irl to someone online based on their parasocial relation to them. It’s such a low-stakes game and people will act like a mid show having characters they enjoy is the end of the world, and in doing so will take personal snipes and make insults at the art instead of addressing the actual problem head on, because it’s easier to derail and funnel attention and love towards yourself instead of ask that others improve. I love redesigns born of love. I love rewrites that try to see an artist’s vision, but at a certain point I wonder if people even like what they’re making art about or if they’re slapping something recognizable over top of it in order to ride trends.

The internet normalizes clout chasing to the point where I feel like we do it almost instinctively. That little insult or sly comment at the end of a post, that’ll sway people to your side. Saying why you don’t like some person despite not knowing them. It’s valid to have your opinions but I wish people would act like they would in the real world. You wouldn’t go around and scream at someone who you saw post this one thing one time. You wouldn’t punch someone based on a rumor, or verbally berate them in a restaurant. Yet people post so much shit online and it’s so normalized that we don’t even register it as a sign to log off anymore.

I feel like social media is something incredibly important for communication, but it’s currently designed in a way that centers ourselves and how much dopamine we can get, whether it’s at the expense of others, ourselves, etc. And we’re part of the problem too, we refuse to change and recognize that maybe internet points aren’t worth it and maybe it shouldn’t matter what people think of us. And maybe it’s an opinion I have but I shouldn’t judge someone based on what fraction they put out on the internet of themselves. Maybe I should cook myself a snack or go out for a walk or sit on the balcony or in the yard, talk to a friend face to face. Again, I love what the internet has done for accessibility but every accessible thing is locked behind a service designed to ignore vitriol and anger towards one another.

I guess I fall prey to this too, but I’ve seen this pattern happen again and again and again. There are people behind everything that’s made, and unless it’s ai or something stolen, an artist put their time and heart into it. It’s part of the game to have tough skin but I wish it didn’t have to be a necessity because of spiteful people.

I guess I should add an addendum, this is about a pattern I’ve seen in many a fandom. This isn’t about the morality of a show’s crew or whatever, that’s a conversation for another day that I’m not getting involved in because the personal lives of others are no business of mine. Hah, there I go again. But in all seriousness. I’ve seen it in Hazbin Hotel. I’ve seen it with High Guardian Spice. Velma. Steven universe. The owl house. Any new show I’ve seen come out where someone decides to have a moment and say “I will create out of spite and a need to be seen.” I wish artists didn’t feel the need to ride trends and that we’d value each others’ work as much as something put out by Disney. But that too, is a post for another day.

[ask-the-clergy-bc]

This is a small silly request, but any hcs on how the papas react to their s/o that has a funny laugh? Like for me I end up snorting if I’m laughing too hard. So something from snorting to wheezing while they laugh(or anything else you can think of)

This is so cute! XD I'm happy to write this one!

Papas with an S/O That has a Funny Laugh

Papa Nihil: Adores it so much. It brings so much joy into his life! According to Nihil you just sound so excited and full of life when you laugh! At first you thought he was laughing AT you, but you've come to find he's laughing with you! He'd also have no room to talk. Ever since he was a young man he's always done this thing where if he makes himself laugh too hard he just starts wheezing. Nihil's laughing too hard laugh just sounds like he's been smoking cigars every day since he was born.

Papa I: If anything he finds your laugh wonderfully unique and sometimes adorable. Especially if you're the type to wheeze or snort giggle when you get too worked up. If you laugh during the rare time Papa tries to be witty and make a joke you make him feel validated that his humor isn't just, "dry old man humor." He has admitted to you at least once that your laugh is one of the ways he finds you in a crowd. It's one of your qualities that never fails to charm him and bring a smile to his face.

Papa II: You were very reluctant to start seeing him romantically at first because of your laugh. Mainly because you were afraid he'd either find you annoying or that you were forcing yourself to laugh around him to suck up to him- both of which he hated. But he seemed unphased by your laugh when he accidentally got you going with a dry comment he made. You thought he was going to scowl at you but instead he smiled and nodded. He finds your laugh very honest and sincere. Because to him, there are too many people who try to cover their insecurities to 'impress' him. He just wants someone unafraid to be themselves.

Papa III: Your laugh makes his entire day, especially if you have a loud one. Mainly because he loves to laugh and loves to make YOU laugh! You having such a strong reaction gives him a sense of pride in jokes and general mischief. And if you ever felt self conscious of it? Papa will tell you that you should never be ashamed for having something so unapologetically your own! Who WANTS to sound like other people? Your laugh is just yours! And it's AMAZING! Honestly, like Nihil, he probably finds excuses to make you laugh when he can!

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia: Funnily enough, he's always been self conscious of his own laugh. Copia has been told many times he laughs like a weasel or very rodent like. So to know his partner, the person who has his upmost respect and adoration for, has an unconventional laugh makes him so happy. He's never judged you for your laugh. In fact, he thinks it's beautiful how much pure joy is in it! It makes him smile in pride every time one of his corny jokes gets you to cackle or snort. And he can't think of a greater time than you laughing together!! You make him feel less strange about his nasally laugh!

[tomatoland]

Only Friends as a morality drama, groupthink & media literacy

I can't find the clip now, but Off was on GMMTV Live House and asked if people were watching Only Friends. And he then made a comment saying it's like a morality drama. And I really like that he said that because yes, Only Friends is making us think about what we would do in these situations, but also try to understand why do these characters or people in general behave the way they do.

I don't get the moral comparisons between the characters. Because if your barometer for a person is just that they are just better than another person, your bar is LOW? Or this couple is better than the other? Because in real life, is your barometer for a relationship just that it's better than someone else's relationship? Does your own romantic partner need to be the one who is deemed the most popular choice? Or do your own life decisions have to be what others would do in your situation?

Different choices for different people 👏 And who has a right to judge you for your life decisions? They don't know why or how you came to that decision.

I used to be really black and white about cheating in real life, but now I don't know, real life is FAR more complicated and grey. And we actually still don't know if Mew considered it cheating. He's still never outright says it. He always says "what you did to me," so it's debatable.

But accountability is a big theme in the show. There might be a reason why you behave the way you do, but it does not excuse your actions, you still have to take responsibility for it. Literally all the characters have to pay the piper/take accountability for what they do... except a certain someone who shall not be named.

In fandom as well as life, it is extremely easy to surround yourself with only opinions that validate your own. I am actually really against this kind of surreal groupthink/hive mentality thing happening in this fandom.

And I just want anyone coming across this post to know it's okay to not share the same opinion. Do not think that just because an opinion is popular that it's right.

I always for representing the minority opinion. Representation ALWAYS. I think society as a whole is better when different people share their different POVs. If the opinions on this site about OF were more fair and not so quick to romanticize some characters or villainize others, I probably would have not started posting opinions and just come on Tumblr to reblog some gifsets to be honest.

I've seen people say "someone told me this or that about these actors" or "from what I've seen about what people said about Mew on reddit, he is a master manipulator" and "the people I follow said" some even in tags on my own posts and I'm like "you realize what you just said/admitted to, right??"

Somebody TOLD you what to think and that's why you think that way. I will be honest, I would be embarrassed to say that out loud. And it's okay if you didn't realize you were doing it. (I didn't always myself. I've just had a lot of trips around the sun to figure out that groupthink should always be challenged.)

But if you recognize yourself doing this, start to ask "who is presenting this information? What is their bias? What is their motive? Are you being told what to think? Be really wary of people who make big statements without support.

I am upfront about my bias, you will see it right away from my blog, but I am more interested in the art because to romanticize some characters or villainize others just because you have a CP preference is just a NO for me.

Everyone gets judged fairly by the same measuring stick 👏

Only Friends is art created by MANY. Not just what the characters say and the acting on the screen. The world was constructed by Jojo and Ninew, Den, Best, filming, lighting, costuming, set design, etc.

Who is this character? How have they been characterized? What do they know? What don't they know? What could be motivating them to behave this way?

What is creator's intent? This is Thai media made for a Thai audience. While we have access to OF because it's on Youtube, we are not the original intended audience.

What Western or International perspective could we have that affects why we view things differently than the characters do or the Thai audience would? This is such a silly example, but I was and am still kind of triggered by it. In the episode 5 scene of TopMew at dinner, Mew got flack for how he eats. And I just want you to know that dining etiquette is not standardized around the world. When my dad first immigrated, his coworkers also gave him flack about this and he still fucking remembers the story 30 years later, so yeah actually I still feel strongly about this. Anyway, the Thai reactors only thought that Mew looked classy/expensive because he knows how to swirl a wine glass.

Is the reason you think this because the show is telling you to think that by how they film the scenes, music, etc? I always said that TopMew's lack of romantic suspense in the early episodes didn't make sense because all these characters exist in the same universe. They are written, filmed, and directed by the same people. And a lingering close-up on hands with accompanying romantic music is NOT acting, that's filming and art direction.

What personal perspectives or worldviews do we bring to our approach to media, etc, etc? The list goes on.

I actually didn't know what this is called until now but I've seen people mention media literacy and looked it up just now. Turns out this is what it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is there a take-away? Err, don't be a sheep. Decide for yourself what you think. And don't discredit art created by a whole ton of people just because you only care about certain actors.

[illuminatedbyauroras]

New to EDblr?

Some stuff you might not understand or be familiar with when starting out on tumblr for ed content.

OBVIOUS TRIGGER WARNING::: if you’re underaged/“new” to this PLEASE seek recovery and try your best not to trigger yourself on here. You deserve recovery. This is very unsafe and you need to turn back before it’s too late. You DO NOT want this disorder i promise.

abbreviations: a lot of abbreviations are used so people don’t get their accounts deleted. this content is genuinely dangerous and you should seek recovery. however, recovery is hard and i know it doesn’t help to just say “recover”, so i will try to educate! Some common abbreviations are

Ed: eat!ng d!sorder (notice people use characters instead of letters. again so they don’t get their account deleted for the content)

Gw: goal we!ght

Ugw: ultimate goal we!ght

Hw: heaviest we!ght

Lw: lowest we!ght

CW: current we!ght

BMI: body mass index. (This really doesn’t matter because everyone is built different! But body dysmorphia makes you feel like it’s necessary to lower this. It’s not. But if you see it, that’s what it’s measuring)

Ana: an0rex!a

Mia: Bu||em!a

🌧️, 🦋: symbols to help identify others with an ed

3d: eat!ng disorder

Sh: s3lf h4rm

Ed Sheeran: a silly code for ed, or s3lf h4rm.

You may see super low numbers in each category. Some are in kg not pounds, so keep that in mind if a number seems SUPER low. Again, we’re all not doing okay here so never judge someone for the things their brain tells them they need to achieve. It’s a DISORDER.

You’ll see recipes or meal inspiration too. You don’t have to follow any of these specifically. Usually it’s to help give ideas if people need new safe foods. It can help expand your palette if you’re struggling to find something you feel okay consuming.

Th!nsp0: using images of very small build people as inspiration for staying small. Not necessary, and very tr!ggering. Be warned.

F4tsp0: using images of larger people to “inspire” being small. This one is one of the most awful categories. Fat people are valid and should NEVER “inspire” you to be thin. It’s disgusting, but it’s out there.

Sweetsp0: using sweet language and words to inspire you to keep going. I honestly prefer this.

Meansp0: using mean words to inspire you to keep going and be small. This one isn’t effective for me, but it depends on how it’s done.

Fasting: many users state that they are going on fasts. Water fasts mean you’re only consuming water for a period of time. Just fasting usually means just not consuming foods, but you’ll consume liquids like coffee, etc.

When i first joined, i wasn’t sure how people lived every day like this. Am i supposed to be eating a certain amount? What should my ca|or!es for everyday be? How does exercise add on to that??

It’s different for every person. I started with a goal of like 1000 cäls a day. I learned that for me, it takes like 700-900 a day for me to actually lose anything. Again, it is different for everyone so please don’t compare yourself to others. Usually if you exercise or walk through the day, users subtract that amount of calories from their daily intake. It’s not an exact science obviously, but that’s just what you might come across. I usually track myself like that.

You can use apps like Lifesum (my personal choice) to measure meals and calor!es. You can also track your we!ght progress and stuff. It helps me put into perspective how much progress i actually made. It’s hard to see it since you see yourself every day.

PLEASE BE SAFE. This is a mental illness, not a lifestyle. It is dangerous and deadly even if you don’t feel it. Please take care of yourself. Have something to eat daily if possible. Please make sure to drink water. You deserve to be here and be healthy.

((I’ll edit this periodically if i think of anything else. If you’re confused about something or have a question, feel free to comment!! I will answer anything!!))

[amysubmits]

Hi Amy, I like being spanked as a punishment, it’s not so much sexual as it is about the feeling of being taken care of and held accountable. The closest thing I would describe how I feel when getting a punishment spanking is probably the ddlg dynamic, except I don’t enjoy being treated like a little girl outside of a spanking. And the reason why I would equate how I feel with ddlg is because I like the idea of getting a spanking because I broke a rule, like I forgot to take my medicine, or I didn’t do my homework or I watched too much tv and other things that are bad for me. So being spanked feels like I’m being taken care of. Somehow this feels icky even to me, and I have trouble finding the right words to explain how I feel. I’ve told him I like being spanked and he thinks it’s mainly for sexual reasons. And as soon as I whimper he stops because he thinks I want it to stop or he’s hurting me. Even though I explained to him that spanking is supposed to hurt and it’s ok if I resist a little and cry a little. But he’s expecting someone who’s really turned on when being spanked and my reactions make him come to a full stop every time. How should I explain or phrase this to him so he would understand? Honestly I don’t really understand why I feel this way either and it feels icky to me too that I want to be punished and then comforted like a helpless child

Hey Anon,

Sorry it took me a bit to get to this.

I can recall being in a place sort of similar to where you're at, in that I had a few things that I knew about my D/s desires, but they didn't seem to fit perfectly into any of the dynamic examples that I found online - and that bothered me. A big part of me wished I could find some specific label or even just one other couple who were doing exactly what I thought I wanted and needed. I think I was seeking validation for my feelings and desires, basically.

But, I never really found anyone else who was exactly like me, or another D/s dynamic that was exactly like mine. And I think that's pretty much everyone's experience. I think the labels we use like DD/g or M/s and so on, are just sort of general ideas, so it makes sense for most people to find some elements from some D/s types that they relate to, and others that they don't.

Part of what that means is, you're unlikely to find a specific label or D/s style that you can tell to your husband and have him 100% understand exactly what you want or exactly what you're asking for.

Instead, you're likely to have to do a ton of explaining and discussing. If you haven't done so already, then sharing with him something really similar to what you shared with me here could be a great conversation to start with.

Getting from where you're at, to where you want to be with your mutual understanding of D/s, will likely be a series of conversations rather than just one. Which can be hard if you aren't used to that type of really open communication...or if you have shame or insecurity related to your desires. But, I hope you'll find that it's really well worth the work involved. It can lead to really deep intimacy in the end.

With your use of words like 'icky', it sounds to me like you're struggling with some shame related to your desires. I think that would be a good thing to let him know, so that he can recognize that this is a sensitive topic for you and so that you can both try to proceed with caution.

I think a lot of subs and a lot of kinky people struggle with shame about why they are the way they are, or why they have the kinks that they have, etc. For me, something that helped a lot was making friends within the community here on tumblr. For some reason, it's easier to judge ourselves for our desires than it is other people. Finding a friend who also likes to feel watched over or held accountable by their partner can make it easier to accept that in yourself, sometimes.

I think his hesitance to spank you more or harder makes sense given that he is seeing this as a sexual thing, and you aren't. If he thinks of spanking as something where a sub/bottom would be more of a "pain puppy" who would be going "fuck yeah, hit me harder Daddy!' with a huge smile on her face, then it's understandable why his brain is telling him "This is bad, I should stop!" when you are reacting with whimpers or just don't seem to be having a blast.

It is a really good thing that he is erring on the side of caution rather than risking harming you emotionally or physically. I'd suggest explicitly telling him that you don't want him to stop just because you make a noise or wince or similar. Reassure him that you will use your safeword if you actually want him to stop. Or, if he already knows this but is still choosing to stop, you may discuss with him if he's insecure about if you really want it, or if it's just that he doesn't want it. Not everyone is comfortable with spanking their partner to the point of discomfort or in scenarios that are not sexual. It might be a limit for him, and if that's the case, it's important for you to know that.

I don't think there is really any "perfect wording" to assist with getting someone to understand what you want. I think that focusing on how you're wanting to feel is often a really good thing to cover. A lot of times hesitance about Ds or BDSM activities from the dom or top side comes from not wanting to mistreat us. Which again, is a GOOD thing. Such a good thing to have a partner who has those protective instincts. Anyway - individual people's interests in the exact same acts can vary so much...and sometimes explaining how XYZ makes you feel or how you're wanting to feel, can go a long way to easing fears. For example, someone might worry that spanking their partner might make them feel afraid, abused, worthless. If you instead explain that you think it will make you feel small, watched over and loved - that might make a meaningful difference to their perception of this act. And this is true for so many other aspects of D/s and other kinks as well.

Something else that I'd suggest discussing is how you're interested in trying these things because of how you think they'll make you feel. But sometimes the reality of things feeling different than we thought they would. And so as you explore new experiences, you can discuss how it felt afterwards. That way, you can both keep in the loop about how each thing is actually making you feel, and you can decide whether or not to repeat those experiences as you go. Trying something once doesn't mean you'll have to do it forever if it turns out that it doesn't actually feel the way you wanted it to. Sometimes we only learn what really works for us through trial and error, and that's perfectly fine as long as we just keep in good communication throughout.

My last suggestion would be to include his side of the experience in this conversation. Let him know how it's important to you that he doesn't do anything he is too uncomfortable with. Let him know that you don't want him to feel like a 'bad guy' or like he's mistreating you. Let him know that you want him to keep communicating with you about how these experiences feel for him, too. Let him know that while you have some specific hopes/goals/dreams, that you also want to incorporate his interests/desires/goals/dreams into the dynamic too. Ideally, over time you'll find ways for it to feel like this dynamic meets some of his needs, too.

I hope something in here helped! Best of luck to you. :)

[sysmedsaresexist]

to elaborate on WHY i use endogenic: because i'm NOT professionally diagnosed yet, and i'm worried about the harm i could cause if it does end up somehow being a misdiagnosis. i dont want to talk about my experiences and label them as being apart of a certain thing if, in the end, its not. but ironically, i still fear the same if i label myself endogenic. hope this explains a bit!

Friendo, don't overthink it so hard, really, the vast majority of the community isn't properly and professionally diagnosed, and the reasons are endless and valid (except for ableist reasons like, "ew, I'm not disordered")

Listen, there is a MASSIVE difference between misinterpreting symptoms/experiences and faking or lying

BPD and schizophrenia are the most common misdiagnoses for DID. Do we blame and shame people misdiagnosed (self DX or otherwise) with those when they realize it's something else? Do we get angry at those that realize they were never a system at all? Do we bash on endogenic systems that realize they actually have DID? Hell, no, and I'll fuck a bitch up if I ever see any of this, I'm just happy for anyone that gets even a small step closer to figuring themselves out

It's when you're hellbent on one thing and you lose sight of symptoms that don't necessarily fit that one thing that there's a problem

When you join a community in good faith looking for answers and support, there is no judgement for misdiagnosis, and your experiences based on being open to other possible explanations for symptoms becomes INVALUABLE to that community

If you turn out to have DID or BPD or literally anything, you become a resource for those communities

I get asks daily about "is this normal," "what does this symptom mean," "how do you tell the difference between this and that." Who better to answer that than someone who went through the same scenario? Discerning between self expression and identity, various symptoms and presentations, different ways of struggling. If I turned out to have schizophrenia after all this, and you turned out to have DID, combined, we're going to help someone figure themselves out (and BOY, I'd have some stories to share).

What harm could you possibly do by looking for answers?

If you're going to take the endogenic label, the only things I suggest are that you try to be mindful of the ableism and misinformation that underlines a lot of conversations in those communities, try to correct where you can, and try to encourage people with questions about other possible diagnoses to go seek answers in those communities-- not for their friends to take best guesses at it

Most important of all, consistently monitor yourself and your symptoms-- don't deny and brush under the rug when you're struggling

This blog has always been, and always be, open to any and all that want to comment and interact, because every experience matters and adds to the conversation

The community I want to foster is one full of people just trying to find answers and get through life

Whatever you end up having, so long as we're on the same page that DID is a childhood trauma disorder (because it is), you're welcome in my community, with whatever label you choose (and from there, I do my best to monitor the interactions of different labels in my followers-- my priority for safety will always be those with DID/OSDD over other labels)

.......

.......

.......

Though I might still be over here, silently judging and remembering this meme I made forever ago, but you can't make anyone be ready to talk about that

Edit: also, for the other half of this ask, it's totally normal not to remember things until you're much older and out of the situation

[syscourse-confessions]

Not so much syscourse specific but more so system spaces in general and an actual confession and abit of advice from an adult system whose been in system spaces since they were 15

Every time I hear someone say that someone in a system discord or someone on Tumblr invalidated their trauma or said it wasn't enough, my immediate thought is to blame them for sharing trauma with strangers. I have to fight myself to not just immediately blurt out about how naive that is and how you shouldn't be seeking validation from strangers period, especially about something as personal as trauma. About how no one can judge if it truly hurt you enough to shatter your sense of self other than you or someone who's been literally trained to do that aka a medical professional.

Yeah, I get trauma dumping with friends and all that and I agree that internet friends are real friends but I've personally seen some of the young systems, especially minors, here blurt out all their info other than their full name, phone number and address in vent channels and I feel like they need to be guided to actual help, not just random people who joined a discord. We cant diagnose you and we can't actually tell you if your trauma was bad enough and anyone who tries to be your " personal unofficial therapist" isnt probably a good person with your best interests at heart. Especially if you never met them irl. Some people here think that just being a system and an adult who's known about their system for a while might as well be a professional or psychologist and THEY AREN'T. They can hurt you with bad advice and teach you harmful habits that can carry on not just into your adult years, but the rest of your life. They haven't been trained and if they constantly try to tell you they know better than a doctor because "doctors only ever learn by reading the dsm and I've read it", run. They are going to start abusing you.

I totally get the desire to be validated. Everyone wants to feel like their emotions are valid, especially kids in abusive households with no medical assistance and no school friends. They have no one else. But this is how you get groomed. This is how you form wounds you'll be healing in adulthood.

Don't tell random people who did the easiest shit of lieing on a throwaway blog to get into a discord server to specifically get at young hurting children looking for the slightest bit of affection about the deepest and darkest parts of you. They don't need to know. It's not an expectation and these strangers don't need to know. Everyone on the Internet is wearing a mask and that is all you'll ever see of them. There's lots and lots of good people here who are just looking for friends like you but you can't tell the good ones from the creeps and the groomers and the abusers and the bigots. Most of the time, there is no sign and you need to be vigilant.

This gose for everyone, regardless of age. Don't tell strangers your trauma!! They don't need to know!! They can't give you validation you can't find from people who know what their doing and yourself!! If they are demanding it from you for some sick personal gain, they don't have your best interests at heart and you need to block them!! I wish people would of've told me this so some of my groomers and abusers didn't have triggering ammo to use on me!! Don't! Tell! Random! People! Your! Trauma!

Literally nothing good can come from anyone being able to use (and therefore abuse) the tenderest parts of you. Be vague if you need to specify but don't tell them in graphic detail. It won't help you and though your friends will pity you and give advice, someone is already locking that away to hurt you with it later. It's not worth the 30 minutes to an hour of validation to be violated for days later. Keep the important things close.

DISCLAIMER: Posts may or may not reflect accurate information. More info here: https://www.tumblr.com/syscourse-confessions/728819621058232320/disclaimer-treat-posts-here-like-you-would-any

[saezurufeels]

Unpopular opinion: I like the idea of Doumeki having a girlfriend. It would comfort me to think that at some point in these four years he at least tried to move on from Yashiro.

I'm not some Yashiro hater or something like that. He's my favorite character and of course I want them to be together. We all know why he acted the way he did, and I'm not the one to judge if he was right or wrong. It's just... Seeing things from Doumeki's perspective makes me so sad. He was deeply hurt and thrown away, and after their re-encounter it seems to me that they woudn't even talk to each other if it wasn't for Doumeki finding excuses to go after Yashiro (like that scene in the bathroom).

I want so bad to see some reaction from Yashiro, you know, like when he dragged Doumeki to the elevator. I want him to show Doumeki at least a little bit of how much he still cares for him. I think D deserves Yashiro being a little jealous, he deserves Y going after him.

Anyway, I know saezuru is not some high school drama and the characters are not moved by such childish motivations, but I'd like to see more of Yashiro making the first move.

Of course, your opinion is valid and important. It’s hard not to sympathize with Doumeki and his heartbreak, so I understand. When I remember Doumeki’s reaction after Nanahara told him that Yashiro doesn’t remember him, I get emotional; Doumeki’s total devastation was hard to watch. For the first time ever, I thought he looked so vulnerable and defenseless, like you could just knock him over with a touch.

However, I’m also very careful about how I interpret the situation. I know these aren’t your words, but sometimes I get asks that subtly try to pin the blame on Yashiro (which I don’t publish for obvious reasons. If one wants to discuss that topic seriously, the least one could do is come off anon). I say this often, and I’ll continue to say it: Yashiro doesn’t owe Doumeki anything. And vice versa. Yashiro doesn’t owe his body and soul to Doumeki. The only thing Yashiro owes Doumeki, which is the same thing any person owes another, is basic human dignity and respect. Yashiro has always given Doumeki his freedom and a choice; he’s never demanded more of him than he was capable of. Yashiro never acted like he was entitled to Doumeki. And, not to draw comparisons, but that’s a big difference between their problems. One’s loss comes from not getting their preferred person, the other from not getting the freedom of choice. After all, loosing a love interest is less devastating than loosing yourself. And “loosing himself” is exactly how Yashiro described accepting Doumeki into his heart.

Therefore, first and foremost, I care about Yashiro’s wellbeing. The most pressing issue here, the issue that this whole manga is commenting on, is the issue of trauma and autonomy. This is Yashiro’s journey to loving himself, AND THEN being able to love someone else. Doumeki’s journey comes secondary, because you can’t force someone to love you— they have to choose to do that. One always comes before two. Right now, we are watching Yashiro decide if and how to accept Doumeki into his heart. The rest will follow.

I hope that makes sense. I’m not saying that I don’t understand, or feel sorry for Doumeki’s loss, I’m just saying that we need to carefully consider how we frame this situation. Yes, Doumeki is suffering because he can’t be with Yashiro, but Yashiro is also suffering immensely: he’s miserable because he can’t have the love of his life- the only person that’s ever cared for him,- and he’s tormented because he can’t bring himself to accept love the way most people can accept good things. Whichever choice Yashiro makes will cause him anguish. If he doesn’t address those core issues first, even Doumeki can’t save him. He’ll always have problems with his low self-worth and consequently, in his relationships with romantic partners.

And again, I know this wasn’t what you were insinuating, but I just wanted to clarify in case this gets misinterpreted. It might not always be obvious, but you can sympathize with one character and still understand that their happiness isn’t the most important factor if it comes at the expense of another person. What Yashiro needs is someone to say, “hey, I understand why you did what you did, and I forgive you.” And the same goes for Doumeki. His actions toward Yashiro weren’t malicious, but they were still harmful. So although I can sympathize with Doumeki the way you do, because he’s had a difficult life and doesn’t mean any harm in his pursuit of Yashrio, it doesn’t mean that he didn’t cause any harm. But Yashiro must be allowed to choose if he wants to let go of the past, and have a romantic relationship with Doumeki.

Even though Doumeki's love and persistence helped Yashiro move through his healing, it was never a one-sided relationship. Yashiro also helped Doumeki with his personal issues. Yashiro should get more credit for the love and support he's given to Doumeki. There's only so much one person can do at a time, and Yashiro needs more time and patience than other people.

And just like Yashiro has a choice, so does Doumeki. No one is holding a gun to his head and telling him to pursue Yashrio. If he feels like Yashiro isn’t reciprocating his feelings, he has the choice to leave. What isn’t a solution is getting impatient with Yashrio and expecting him to fast-track his healing journey and simply get over his trauma, so that Doumeki doesn’t have to wait anymore. In many ways, I can make the argument that Doumeki is being too persistent— but I usually don’t, because I can sympathize with him, and I can objectively see how he's helped Yashiro in a lot of ways despite also causing some harm. I wish some people would sympathize more with Yashiro. I’m not saying you specifically, just in general.

All of that being said, we’re at a point in the story where Yashiro has recognized that he chooses Doumeki. The obstacle, or the next phase of his healing journey is finding a way to express those feelings. It’s difficult for him, because he’s always been rejected when he’s pursued romantic interests, and even his own parents have rejected him. Yashiro has to find a way to overcome this crushing fear, and find an appropriate way of expressing his emotions. So, what I’m trying to say is, Yashiro is in fact pursing Doumeki. It’s hard to see his pursuit, because it’s clumsy and at times immature (and to be completely fair, Doumeki isn't being completely forthcoming with his feelings either), but it’s there, and YK is doing a brilliant job of portraying it in a dynamic, realistic, and complicated character such as Yashiro. I honestly wouldn’t want it any other way. Like you said, this is not a high school drama. It’s as close to reality as you can get, and reality is nuanced and frustrating.

Sorry, this is getting long, but last thing I want to say is that Doumeki did have an eventful life in the last four years. I think that’s why he’s a changed person. He’s had lots of joys, including his friendship with Niki, his Aoi redemption; he’s found a place in society where he feels comfortable and accepted; and the more I think about it, the more it seems like the bar matron is not just his informant, but also his friend. Doumeki’s formed many new relationships and goals that likely gave him purpose and joy. And now, Yashiro isn’t the only thing in his life he aspires to keep close.

Thanks for sending this, I appreciate your honest opinion. This was a good opportunity to talk about these issues that keep coming up, so I hope you don’t mind that I rambled a bit.

[hypergamiss]

So… here’s my thing about these “dating red flags” people like you like to talk about. I understand judging people from their past personal mistakes, but judging people based on the household they grew up in is extremely unfair and crazy.

For example, I’ve seen people say to away from women who grew up without a father figure. Or stay away from children of addicts. As a woman who is the product of a single mom because her father chose to abandon her, I turned out just fine. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN UPBRINGING AND BACKGROUND! Why am I a red flag for being born into this dynamic?? That lawyer, me, children of addicts, etc, did not ask to be born into our families. If we are able to function normally and become successful, in spite of our upbringing, then that says a lot about us!! LET THE DECISIONS THAT WE CHOSE TO MAKE FOR OURSELVES SPEAK FOR US!! People like you thinking that we aren’t worthy of establishing a relationship with, because of things that are completely out of our control are the reason why the world is so miserable. Not all of chose perfect families, the way that you did when you were born. 🙄

What are we supposed to do? Kill ourselves? Lie about our upbringing? Go live on an island with the other people who were born into unfortunate circumstances, against their will??? Like, what do you suggest we do, since we’re such red flags and are a liability to be with????

And learning how to be alone at 40, is a red flag according to you? Omg, how dare someone grow and evolve. 🙄

I have my reasons, and everyone is entitled to navigating this world how they decide to for themselves.

This really struck a cord with you and made you extremely emotional. Your feelings are valid❤️

All of this basically comes down to if the person is healed or not. So I would suggest healing from your past before trying to date or marry someone else.

If you want to avoid being manipulated as a woman, I would suggest not talking about your past until you know the other person is genuine and won’t use your past against you.

So yes, if the person has not healed from their past, they are indeed a red flag. Don’t believe me? Go date someone like this and find out for yourself. You’ll be paying for it in every way.

I deserve someone who is as emotionally healthy as I consider myself to be because I have put in years of work in therapy, reading, self care, etc. So no, I will not settle for someone who can barely enjoy their own company. I’m light years ahead of where they are emotionally.