#it reminds me a lot of the world ive had since i was a kid

[crypt1dcreatez]

A Propin and a Petunia | final sketch

-> Propin, Goddess of Love & Petunia, God of Obssesion from @ardourie 's Parousia 🩶

Still learning and experimenting with colour in procreate so this will have a finished colour version eventually!

Heavily referenced Mary/Baby Jesus + Mary/crucified Jesus

[islandofsages]

HEYY!! I love your writing from what i've read and i was wondering if i could ask for a gn reader (yuu) teaching the housewardens about like classic fandom lore- like imagine them turning into matpat to explain fnaf and undertale!! 😭😭 feel free to not do this and have a good day!! Thanks :D

characters: housewardens x gn!yuu

tags: platonic, fluff, crack kinda, imagines format

warnings: swearing

author's notes: SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG also all the fandoms mentioned here are all fandoms ive been in at some point :D fun times mhm

Riddle Rosehearts

He knows you’re very passionate about fandom culture but you never really had the chance to infodump about it to him

Until one day, you drop by Heartslabyul for a leisurely visit, when you see a not-so-clearly distressed Riddle sitting in the lounge

Not-so-clearly meaning he’s holding a teacup in his hand yet not drinking it, eyes closed as if he’s holding in all his emotions

You grow worried at this sight and slide next to him on the couch where he is seated, hoping you can help alleviate some of that stress

He sees you and he allows himself a sigh, then musters up a smile for you. He greets you and you cut straight to the point - can you help him with anything?

He releases a second sigh and shakes his head, telling you he only needs some sort of distraction. He just had a long day and needs to take his mind off things

You take a second to think of things that you can distract him with – that’s when a lightbulb goes off in your head. This is a prime opportunity for you

“Okay, I’m guessing you haven’t heard of Five Nights at Freddy’s since it’s a franchise from my world and all but the lore is crazy. So it starts like this…”

He wasn’t expecting to be paying much attention to the contents of what you’re saying but sooner or later, he ends up leaning towards you with his hand cupping his chin, mouth slightly agape at the story you’re telling

This inspires you to dump even more information about the media somehow at the rate that you’re going

By the end of it, he’s completely forgotten what he was so worried about. His head is full of creepy pizzerias for kids and haunted animatronics

He ends up having some trouble sleeping that night though. He’ll get you for that later.

Leona Kingscholar

He won’t lie, your interest in fandoms is too reminiscent of Idia for him – he doesn’t admit this to you obviously, since he hasn’t had the chance to

But on one particularly boring day, you decide to skip class with him and he lets you tag along for the hell of it

In the span of three seconds, he’s already off in dreamland. Sometimes you wish you had such a skill

Since you have nothing better to do and he’s way too deep in his sleep to even care anyway, you start rambling to yourself and a slumbering Leona

“Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about Undertale lately so I need to dump it all somewhere. So basically you play as this kid…”

Little do you know halfway through his nap, he wakes up from how much you’re talking. At first, he’s annoyed by your yapping but then he grows interest in what you’re saying

He’s almost tempted to try that game for himself and almost disappointed that it’s not available in Twisted Wonderland. Emphasis on almost.

When you’re done rambling, that’s when he stretches his arms over his head and yawn, commenting how noisy you were

You shrug it off. You're used to him complaining about you yapping instead of napping alongside him

…But then he asks you to tell him more about Undertale, if there's any more information you’re keeping from him out of the kindness of your heart

You smile smugly at this and his expression seems to say “don't make me regret asking” but oh, you definitely will make him regret even being friends with you in the first place

Needless to say, regrets were not the only thing he held at the end of that day.

Azul Ashengrotto

Similar to Leona, your fixation on fandom culture reminds him too much of Idia. not that that’s necessarily a bad thing - it’s more of an observation

And he gets more than an observation when you get the chance to show him what you’re made of: useless fandom culture and gaming knowledge

Speaking of Idia, he goes to you as a last resort to ask you to help him understand whatever the hell Idia’s talking about

You don’t know too much about Twisted Wonderland’s fandom culture just yet but when Azul explains the premise of a certain game and its fandom, it gives you an idea

“Sounds pretty similar to Yandere Simulator. Ooh, that one has a lot of history. Let me tell you about it…”

Unfortunately for him, he ended up unlocking your geekiness instead of having you address the things he was confused with

But at least your story makes it a bit easier to understand? He’s yet to decide that really but at least it sounds like you’re taking his lack of slang knowledge into consideration

Your infodump really gripped his attention though - it’s interesting to know another side of human culture, even if it’s not the humans of Twisted Wonderland

He would nod understandingly (or at least, politely) and thank you and your geekiness

He relays your story to Idia and finds it intriguing how similar fandom culture is in both Twisted Wonderland and your world

He would invite you to Board Game Club meetings so that you can rave and find out more about Twisted Wonderland’s fandom culture with Idia

He’d realize that was a big mistake and he may or may not have created the nerdiest pair in the world - but you guys are his nerdiest pair in the world.

Kalim Al-Asim

He’s very curious about fandom culture - he doesn’t know too much about it nor anyone who knows a lot about it so almost all the fandom information in his head are from you

He really wants to know more!!! So of course that warrants a hangout session fabricated as a study session to get Jamil’s stamp of approval

So there you are in his room, books laid out in front of the two of you but most importantly, a laptop

You two watch about a dozen videos on Twisted Wonderland’s fandom culture and as you absorb all the very-much-useful information, you sneak in tidbits from the culture of your world

“This one in particular is reminiscent of Danganronpa. Man, that one was a wild ride…”

It’s exciting to be able to talk about it with someone you trust wholeheartedly, especially Kalim, whom you know wouldn’t be so judging

He only nods in understanding at every point you made, his eyes sparkling with all the curiosity in his body

You were on your thirteenth video when you two are interrupted by a rap on the door and an unfortunately-familiar voice

So obviously you and your bestie hurriedly rush to close all the tabs on your laptop and open up something more academically-inclined

Which is obviously a…dictionary site

Jamil blinks twice at this, says nothing (but probably noting how it makes sense for you guys since you two are bumbling idiots) and walks away

If there’s any dictionary being read that day, it’d be a dictionary of fandom terminology, that’s for sure.

Vil Schoenheit

He doesn’t know too much about it - and doesn’t bother to learn much about it since he has better things to do - but since it’s you, he tries his best to be a good listener

The two of you sit down in the courtyard one day, the chirping of birds and rustling of leaves music to your ears; beauty truly is everywhere around you when you’re next to him

He’s talking about something. You’re not sure what because you’re entranced by the way his hair hangs above his eyes so elegantly. He notices this and calls you out for it

You shrug and excuse how you can’t help it - he’s like a dating simulator love interest in the real. He asks you what you mean by this. Now’s your chance to shine!

“Hmm, you know, something like Mystic Messenger? Hehe, let me tell you a bit about it…”

Unluckily for him, your “a bit” turns out to be a four-hour long ramble about the aforementioned dating simulator a little too reminiscent of Rook for his liking too

Despite his reservations, he really did enjoy hearing you talk so passionately about your interest; it’s a bonus that the topic itself is interesting

He tells you he wouldn’t mind trying out the game or at least finding out more about it though unfortunately it’s not available in Twisted Wonderland

You share his shame - until he says he’ll pitch the concept of the game to some authorities he know and perhaps make it a reality

Sorry, he’s going to what now?

You’re a little shaken. Sometimes you forget he’s a world-class model, despite his looks and mannerisms. You save your nerves for if a Twisted Wonderland version of Mystic Messenger actually ends up happening

He thanks you for enlightening him about fandom and video gaming culture. You use this as a cue to add another four hours of ranting about V’s route in the game.

Idia Shroud

You’re another victim for him to taint… or so he thought. You’re more of an ally than a victim at this point, considering how nerdy you are

He’d dump fandom lore on you and you’d reciprocate it right back. He’s genuinely so impressed with your knowledge, even if they differ by some degree due to being from different worlds

He gets more impressed when you pull up with knowledge about Twisted Wonderland’s fandom culture like damn, you really brushed up on your talking points already

Friendly rivalry aside, he really does enjoy talking about fandom culture with you and hearing about the things from your world - every story you tell adds a little color into his world

One day, the two of you are leaning on each other, on your phones because of course you are, even if you two are friends, talking still isn’t Idia’s strong suit

That’s when you blurt it out–

“Hey, wanna hear about this game called Persona? It’s a turn-based RPG and…”

Regardless of his response to your question, you ended up babbling away either way. It’s how conversations start between the two of you

You’re speaking so fast, he would have mistaken you for a rapper - or a doppelganger of himself even

Consider him entertained - he finds himself smiling by the end of your yapping and intrigued by your story

He then obviously starts to relate it to something from Twisted Wonderland, passing the listener baton to you

You don’t mind – you can stay there for hours and hours, just going back and forth with your fellow nerdy-ass friend.

Malleus Draconia

This man barely knows how to use a smartphone so you had to be a little patient with him when guiding him through the fandom culture trenches

He’s happy that you trust and cherish him enough to talk about your interests with no reservations or shame – and the feeling is mutual

On a certain weekend, the two of you are hanging out as usual. Chatting as friends would do

You don’t know why but the conversation reminded you of a certain fandom

“It’s kinda like Genshin’s community, I guess. They’re a riot, let me tell you that.”

Oh? What’s a Genshin and why is its community a riot?

You’re glad he asked – because you’ve prepared a 100-slide presentation on the history of the game and its fans

He asks you why and how did you find the time to make that. You tell him to shut up and that it doesn’t matter, he just needs to listen to you

You start and it feels like you’ll never stop – there’s just so much to say and Malleus has so much time in the world

Seeing his reactions to certain events makes you crack up and at times, you’d laugh at his shocked expressions (or sigh exhaustively, depending on the event you’re explaining)

When you finally stop, he gives you a one-man standing ovation. You blush a little at the attention and unexpected reaction but you appreciate his sentiment nonetheless. He tells you that your presentation has been very informative for him

You’re relieved to have been able to get that off your chest… and Malleus is more than ecstatic to relay the information to everyone he’s ever known. You obviously pretend that you had no involvement in his sudden investment of a game from another world.

[kookslastbutton]

Too Late to Dream ༓ jjk (m)┃ch. V

✑ Summary: You did it. You married your college professor. You even bought a house together. Against all odds, everything had fallen into place. But after two years of marriage, you begin feeling something was missing. You want a baby but your husband can’t say the same.

Pairing: economics professor!jungkook x fem!artist!reader

AU/Genre: angst, smut, fluff, marriage au, age gap, series

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 3,342

Warnings: 8-year age gap, mentions of professor-student relationship (oc was a Masters student), jk has milk obsession, oc injured, both lonely :(, mommy issues, lots of family drama/in-laws, fighting, pent-up issues/desires, jk has daddy issues, jk being good hubby to oc

Now Playing: Make It Right, Tryna Be, Infinity, It Will Rain, Heaven+

A/N: I've heard the requests and I think it's time to fulfill them–how did they get together?! Yes, it's here and I'm excited to finally share! Also, yes this took up whole chapter so a tiny break from present-day stuff but we'll be back at it next chapter. 💞

<< ch. IV ༓ ch. Vl >> | series masterlist

Before marrying you, Jungkook had the same routine. He got up, showered, brushed his teeth, put work clothes on, grabbed breakfast, and ran out the door with twenty minutes to spare. Trying to find a parking spot at 7 a.m. at the university was no joke and he had to leave early or some college kid would take the last spot and not think twice.

His night routine was similar. Jungkook finished the day between 5 and 6 pm, slowly regretting he ever agreed to teach evening classes. He’d kick off his shoes, eat dinner, grade some of his student’s papers if needed, brush his teeth again, and went to bed.

It was a constant cycle and with no one around, not even a pet, Jungkook’s life was fairly quiet and systematic. Sometimes his buddies would come over on the weekend for a couple of hours and that surely rocked his world.

But that wouldn’t happen often during the school season due to his ridiculously packed teaching schedule. The most recent person he’d hang around during those months was Taehyung and if he wasn’t free, Jungkook would spend his time at the grocery store–stocking up on milk.

4 years ago

“That was two weeks ago man,” Jungkook says, pushing a cart with five-gallon jugs of milk to his car. He’s on the phone with Taehyung who's reminiscing about the grand opening of the new art exhibit and how “lovely” it was to meet you there.

Jungkook doesn’t need reminding though.

He clearly remembers seeing you there and Taehyung happily making a complete fool of him once he found out who you were. Thankfully you hadn’t seemed to mind too much since you and Taehyung soon moved on to discuss various art theories, masterpieces, and underrepresented artists.

“You didn't have to stay y'know.” If Jungkook didn't know any better he'd think Taehyung was salty. "You could've left at 8 pm like you planned. __ and I would have been fine."

Jungkook winces hearing the man's argument. He did think about going home at 8, but it unsettled him to leave you alone with Taehyung. His colleague was enjoying himself a little too much that night and there’s no telling what he’d do or say when he’s overly comfortable.

Jungkook had to stay until you left.

"Are you kidding me? Leaving you unsupervised would've been the worst idea after all your endless blubbering." Jungkook pops the trunk of his car, stuffing the jugs of milk inside. "God knows what you'd scar __ with."

On the other line, Taehyung smirks through the speaker. "No, that's not it......you weren't going to leave me alone with a woman, an attractive one at that."

Jungkook grabs the last jug of milk, slamming it on the floorboard. "Student, and stop talking about her like that. She's my stu—"

"Say student one more time and I'm going to take all your milk and give it to Yoongi hyung's cats."

"I swear to god, Taehyung, if you touch my milk I'm never going to another art museum or wine tasting with you again." Jungkook is very protective of his dairy products.

"That's okay. I don't need you when __ says she'll be happy to go with me sometime." Smug bastard, Jungkook thinks. There's no way you said that.

"That's bull Taehy—"

"Look she's in her masters and is literally eight years younger than you. It's not that serious so stop acting like she's fresh out of high school. Besides, you said it yourself, she's not a child."

Jungkook grunts, shoving the cart into the others. "She's a young lady who happens to be enrolled in the school. As faculty, we have no business thinking or talking about her outside those terms."

"For fucksake, Kook. You always make things so complicated!" Taehyung's baritone voice cracks through the speaker. "I'm just trying to get you to admit that you're into her some way or another. How many other students have I stayed to talk to and you couldn't give a—"

Just then a loud, high-pitch screech interrupts the call. Jungkook whips his head around immediately. He doesn't spot anything at first but a string of profanities remains audible in the distance.

"Jungkook, are you okay?"

"Yeah, but someones screaming and I can't tell where it's coming from." Jungkook walks around the grocery parking lot, eyes darting left and right. "Oh shit!"

There, near the bus stop, you lay on your side with your right leg stretched out and blood running from your temple. You try getting up but you fall right back down, cursing sharply.

"Taehyung I gotta go, it's __. I don't know what happened but she's laying by the bus stop and I think she needs help!" Jungkook shuts his phone and races to where you lay. He kneels next to you with sheer horror on his face. "__, what happened? What can I do?"

"Damn college boys, Dr. Jeon," you spit, dragging your leg up as far as you can. You reach for your bag which had flung about a foot away when you crashed. "So fucking eager to get off the bus and—oh damn that hurts like a bitch!"

"What hurts?" Jungkook lunges forward to catch your torso from slamming on the hard concrete. "Stay still okay? We need to get you to the hospital."

"I'm all set, but thanks. It'll likely heal in a day."

Jungkook shakes his head and wraps an arm under your back and legs. "Can you put your arms around my neck?"

"Dr. Jeon, I appreciate what you're doing but I don't want to go to the hospital. Please."

You're serious. No trace of bluffing or even simply trying to act tough. You really don't want to go.

"You need to be checked by a doctor sweetheart," Jungkook insists. "Whatever happened has made it so you can't walk. C'mon, my car is nearby and I'll drive you over."

"No, wait!" He feels you push against his chest.

"__. I'm not leaving you without making sure you didn't break a bone or something. I don't want to make things worse but you don't look so hot right now. So please, let me take you." Jungkook lifts you up when you give a barely consenting yes.

"You sprained your ankle pretty bad hun." Dr. Kim Seokjin draws your attention to the X-ray scan. "Second degree." He points to the visual of your partially torn ligament. "There's going to be a lot of swelling so you're gonna need to stay off your foot for at least 4 weeks."

"Do I have to stay here?" is your first question.

"For the first couple of weeks, we strongly advise—yes." Dr. Kim moves on to the next X-ray scan. "You also cracked a rib which will also take about 4 weeks to heal, or more. Of course you're head has suffered a mild concussion as well but it's very mild thankfully." Dr. Kim catches sight of Jungkook next to you, staring at the scans. "You're wife's going to be okay," he says mid-diagnoses.

"We're not—" you start to say but Dr. Kim continues talking.

"Wife, girlfriend, lover, what have you. The point is, much of what we have here will recover with a month of rest, ice, and elevation." He takes a pen from his pocket and starts jotting down something on paper. "I recommend two weeks here for moderation purposes. If things look good, you finish the healing at home. Still, be careful though, no funny business."

The blank looks on both your faces tell Dr. Kim he wasn't clear enough. "Yah, my filters going to die with you two doe-eyed deer. No funny business means no sex!"

"Oh god!" You outburst, mortified by the thought. Jungkook whips his head to your slack-jawed expression. "Dr. Kim, it's not like that between us."

The older man suddenly zeros in on your professor, eyes narrowing slightly. "What's the matter son? Having trouble getting it up?"

Jungkook jolts in his seat, startled by the crass response. "I—no, what? There's nothing wrong with my—"

"We're not together!" You shout before Jungkook's sentence finishes. "We're friends." Saying that your professor brought you here sounded a little odd for some reason, especially when Dr. Kim was already convinced you two were a thing.

"Mhm sure, heard the same thing from my wife before we went off and eloped." Dr. Kim treads to the door. If he has a dime for how many times he's heard that "we're friends" bs he'd be...well, he's already rich so never mind. "Let's move on to something more productive now, like getting __ settled in a room. The sooner she starts the healing process, the sooner she can be good as new again."

"Thank you Dr. Kim," Jungkook says, slowly standing up to stroll you and your wheelchair out of the room. You didn't like it but the nurses insisted you be in one to keep pressure off your muscles.

"Yeah yeah." Dr. Kim waves him off. "Just remember what I said, no funny business. Especially here at the hospital. You don't know how many times I've heard the nurses catching their patients on top of one another at 2 am in the morning. That better not be you two, whoever you are to each other."

"Yes, doctor." You both reply, thankful of the fact that neither of you are in any position to be looking at each other.

"Is there any way I can be here for less than two weeks?" Jungkook watches as you plead with the nurse. It worries him that you're still anxious to avoid medical attention.

"I'm afraid not," the nurse says simply. "If you need anything, press the call button and I'll be in as soon as I can."

Once the nurse leaves, Jungkook pulls up a chair next to your bed. "Stupid question but how are you feeling?"

"I'm in an ankle brace, my rib burns, and my head is still dizzy. I'm trapped in the hospital for two weeks and all because a bunch of nineteen-year-old boys couldn't wait to hit up some frat party," you groan, not bearing in mind your tongue. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this Dr. Jeon."

"You didn't drag me into anything __. I'm glad I was there when this happened and I'm even more glad that you're here, getting help." Jungkook clears his throat before continuing. "Even if it isn't ideal for you."

You ignore the subtle pry for information. "Please, Dr. Jeon. You don't have to stay any longer. It's the weekend and I'm sure you have plans."

Jungkook gives a faint smile. "So, you're saying this is none of my business?"

"No, not—not at all. I mean if you want to stay then I guess you can but I don't want you to feel obligated or anything."

"I want to be here," Jungkook says simply. "But you know that's not what I meant. I'd like to know why it bothers you when anyone tries to help you...if I may."

"Just habit," you mumble quickly, averting eye-contact. It's not your professor's job to bear the weight of your problems.

Jungkook nods in reply, pretending you gave a satisfactory explanation. He wishes you'd tell him but if you didn't want to share more then that was your choice —he wasn't going to force you. "I understand." He grabs his phone from his pocket and rests his elbows on his knees. "Are you hungry?"

"Huh?" You look back at him, his question going right over your head.

"I asked if you're hungry. It's about dinner time so I can get you something if you want. I also have a bunch of milk in my trunk that needs to get to a fridge. But I can place the order now and pick it up in my way back here."

"Milk in your trunk?" Is the only words you repeat, dumbfounded. "Like chocolate milk or...?"

"Nah, Whole Milk." Jungkook grins at your scrunched up face. You try to hide it but not very well. "Don't look so disgusted. Milk is good for you."

"Yeah when you're ten years old."

"On the contrary!" You flinch when his voice rises, along with his eyebrows. "Milk has a lot of health benefits as adults. It has thirteen essential nutrients and helps maintain muscle and bone strength. I drink at least two full glasses a day, if not more."

"I'm sorry but that's nasty." You shudder at the thought of drinking milk in your twenties let alone your thirties. "You really enjoy it? The taste?"

"Yup, always have since a baby! Loved it so much that my mother-" You raise an eyebrow to which he abruptly switches topics. "Anyway, do you want me to pick you up something or no?"

You giggle, a little uncomfortable with whatever he was about to disclose to you.

"That's okay, no thanks."

"You sure? Otherwise I'm gonna be eating in front of you." Jungkook knows how this sounds — he's trying to force you to eat. But the truth is, he just doesn't want to eat by himself tonight. He also doesn't want to leave you alone this early, especially when you obviously detest being here, for whatever reason.

"I'm sure," you say. "But...if you want to come back you can. Not like I have anything to do anyway."

"Good then." Pleased, Jungkook opens up his phone contacts. "Give me you're number in case you change your mind while I'm out."

Over the next couple of weeks, Jungkook continues to stay by your side. He leaves to teach his classes of course and to go home late at night, but he stops by every day—hours at a time.

You keep insisting that he not come so much but he always makes the same excuses. "I just brought food" or "You're on my way home from the university". Sometimes he brings in class notes too.

Due to your current predicament, you're missing a lot of content so Jungkook thinks it best to go over key principles with you and takeaways from his lectures. He says it's his duty as a professor–never minding the fact that many of his other students are in a predicament of their own yet he’s not bothering to do jack for them.

"Look Dr. Jeon, I appreciate what you're doing but you really don't have to. I'll be perfectly alright to catch myself up from the textbook and study guides. You don't have to keep stopping by." You try again but Jungkook keeps his wall just as strong as yours.

"I know I don't have to __. I know that I could leave right now, take all these lecture notes home with me, and not feel guilty about a thing. But I told you I was going to be here and I'm going to keep to that no matter how many times you urge me to leave. I also want you to call me Jungkook outside class but have you allowed for any of those to happen?" Jungkook tosses the folder of notes in his sachel, a loud thump following. "A simple thank you would suffice."

"I am grateful, I really am. But I never asked to be given so much of your time. I feel bad because maybe you're just one of those overly nice people who feel it's their duty to stick around or what not when someone's in trouble. I don't need to be pitied over! Also, you said I could keep calling you the usual, so Dr. Jeon it will remain!" Why you're raising your voice, you don't know but it's happening either way.

"Yeah I did," Jungkook quips, matching your tone. "But after the last, nearly two weeks I think we ought to be on a first-name basis! And I'm in no way pitying you okay? I'm here because I care dammit! I don't want you to be alone and I don't want you to be behind in getting your Masters. So I' try to be be here every day for at least fifteen minutes if not more!"

You don't fully process what he says so you reply to what you remember most. "Why? Why can't I call you Dr. Jeon? It's been that way from the start, twice every week. So why do I need to call you Jungkook all a sudden?!"

"Because it makes me feel younger, you insulted my milk after I first took you to the hospital, we've been eating dinner almost every night since your injury, you told me about your childhood cat named Mr. Muttonbottom, and you just called me by my first name so there are no take backs! Now, if you're done making a fit, do you want bibimbap or jajangmyeon for dinner tonight?!"

What the actual hell? You cease your arguing at once, hearing your professor, or excuse you, Jungkook, all fluffed up. Obviously, you're not the only one high-strung over being stuck in the same routine day in, day out.

"Jajangmyeon...please," you mutter.

"Thank fuck," he swears. Yeah that's new too.

"Sorry for getting mad earlier." You mumble the words as soon as Jungkook returns with the food. "It just feels odd that you've been here all the time...you're my professor."

Jungkook mauls over your choice of words, stiffening ever so slightly. "Well, I'd like to think we're sorta friends now but alright. Does this actually bother you __? I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, you know that." He places the bag of take-out on the small desk near your bed.

"No, it's doesn't bother me." you just don't know how to react or what to say besides a measly thank you. More so, you don't want to make someone feel responsible for you...you should take care of your own shit without bringing others with you. It's not the best mindset, you're aware, but its the one you have.

"Okay good because to be completely transparent, I'm sorta here for me too. I live my myself, eat by myself, talk to myself....I do most things alone so it's nice having someone else to be around." He's not sure where to set his eyes, so he looks downward, fumbling with the napkins in front of him. "I'm making this awkward, sorry."

Feeling the strange need to offer comfort, you stretch a hand over Jungkook's arm. "I get it. It's nice having someone around too."

You and Jungkook hold each other's gaze for a few seconds more, letting the brief silence do the rest of the talking. Maybe you've been looking at this a little too one-sided.

"How are you feeling today? Any better?" Jungkook cracks open the bowl of Jajangmyeon, handing it to you with a pair of chopsticks.

You take the steamy food and gesture to your ankle which has swollen down a good amount. "Still more healing to be done but it's better."

Jungkook hums in approval. "That's comforting to hear. Dr. Kim going to discharge you soon?"

"Yeah, I think so. A few more days and he said I should be able to rest up at home."

"Really?" He chews on his bottom lip. "Well great, uhm , do you have stuff going on when you get back?"

You think a moment, trying to recollect if you made plans with Na-Rae. "Maybe some but not much. I don't have a ton of people around me right now either...down here I mean."

"Well, do you wanna go out to dinner then?" Jungkook pops the question more causal than expected. It's almost like he planned this or at least has been thinking about it for a bit. "We've been eating together for a while now and I think it might be a nice celebratory thing."

"Are you asking me on a date...Jungkook?" Because it defiantly sounds like he is, as indirect as it may be.

His reply is barely audible but you hear it and for the first time, your professor sounds truly timid. "Uh, well...let's go with "hang out", like friends do."

A/N: so yeah, thats how they got together 👀😅 anyone surprised? Thinking about a drabble for thier first date now haha. Anyway, next chapter we get back to present day stuff where more drama goes down. Also, adding a chapter bc this flashback took the whole chapter lol. Lmk your thoughts 💞

Masterlist

Taglist:

@frieschan @oldermenluverrr @tatamicc @kookswifesblog @llallaaa @sunnybyeol @namtaeh @exactlygreatcoffee @whipwhoops @yoongisducky @ktnj91 @junecat18 @thvlover7 @yoongiworshiper @ellesalazar @monbebe234-blog @parkinglot-nights @borahaexoxo @hobiswhore @kimseokjinbangtan @jjk97091 @mk-id @blueberry711 @givemethemaknaes16 @iammartian07 @jjkluver7 @itsdingdong @jiminshi20 @sweet-sourhotcoco @lubtou @lovingkoalaface @starsinsky1999 @rockstarrgyu @chaconnelatte @kaithezaftig @skzthinker @babystarcandykookie @jksusawife

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[pearl-likes-pi]

i honestly dont know hoe to say this, but you really had a hand in shaping my brai chemistry while i was growing up, no kidding. i remember when i was 13 or so and whenever you posted a pearl rap career chapter it would unironicaly make my day (specially when you dropped the peridot chapter i had a stomach infection or smth, so that video and the last one out of beach city episode were on replay for me for a few days). its really weird seeing that rebecca managed to make a safe space for lgbt folks (it was really hard for me to accept myself as gay, it seems really simple nowadays but back then it was so discomforting to even thinm about it so su and its fandom, and by some extent, your vids, helped me externalize some feelings or queernes i guess, do you remeber when someone said your video editing was raw and masculine? lol). anyways, its wild to think i was in 5th grade when i first watched laser light canon and now im finishing my journalism course in college and seeing how this show raised me in some way and helped me to be aware of my own mental health i only have good memories, thankfully, and its really sad to see that it ended, but i honestly wouldnt have had it any other way. its kind of a long rant but id like to thank you, mackenzie, your videos made me laugh a lot when i was a teen and they still make me now. this show was truly a gift, it made us connect to something bigger and magical. this was kind of a long rant since ive kinda forgotten that su existed and remined that it existed because of some dreams lol. i remembered back then when i was super anxious about the cluster episode, i remeber checking your tumblr everyday and seeing fanon content. i really dont know how to express myself since english is not my first language and i tend to ramble on a lot on my native one, but id like to say youve made me smile a lot, it was so cool seeing you present the su podcast and being an intern at CN. i honestly wish you the best.

Dude it means so much to hear that my lil shitposts have had an impact on people!!!! I completely understand where youre coming from re: SU's impact on your life (and acceptance of queer identity) and feel the same way!!! im so grateful for this show and everything it represents. in a world without Steven Universe my current life would be completely unrecognizable. like genuinely I dont think any single aspect of my life would be the way it is without SU. which is nuts but it's true!!!

I love engaging with this community and it gave me a lot of support when I was at a place in my life where I felt pretty isolated. I'm kind of rambling now too but this seriously has been sitting in my inbox for a bit now and I just knew i needed to respond and say thank you for sharing. <3

ALSO LMAO I FORGOT ABT THE RAW AND MASCULINE COMMENT THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME HAHA

[nucleo-bang-tan]

The Uisa's Daughter | Chapter 1v : Her Grief

Pairing/s: Kim Taehyung X Reader, Jeon Jungkook X Reader

Genre: Medieval Korea AU, Mystery, Strangers to Lovers, Angst, Smut

Rating/s: 18+ Mature Themes

Warning/s: Grief and lots of it, King tries to sleep with her, the real Jungkook... And ofcourse, wouldn't be a nucleobangtan fic without shitty ass writing and really bad pacing.

Summary: In the 1700s, the Jeon Dynasty spread all across the Korean peninsula.  Happiness quadrupled with the founder Emperor's presence, or so it seemed. Secrets scattered over the palace in the capital city, Hanseong were known to none except a few.

Chapter Summary: Curiousity did not kill the cat. Atleast not yet.

A/N: Not proofread!!! Please leave comments, I would love to hear from you guys. Critique my writing and tell me if I'm doing anything wrong, really appreciate it.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Teaser Prologue Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The morning sun rose, casting a gentle light on a world that felt colder without your lover. You sat quietly on the window sill, surrounded by memories, each one a bitter reminder of his absence.

The ache in your heart was painful, a silent testament to the love you shared and the deep void his death had left in your life. It had been exactly three weeks since your wedding day, but it felt like an eternity without him. Every day dragged on, the minutes stretching into hours.

You couldn't help but tear up. The syllables 'Taehyung' gave you flashbacks of your bloodied lover. The nights were sleepless and even if you did manage to close your eyes, the flashbacks didn't spare you.

Amidst everything, Yoongi's life was taken because he wanted to protect you. How you unapologetically wished it was your father who was slain.

The emptiness in your heart grew bigger and bigger with each passing moment. Every night, the King would visit your chambers. He hoped that you would give in to his demands, let him use you the way he had hungered for years.

But you never let him. You were always closed off and barely talked to him. He didn't wish to force you but you were surely making it difficult for him. King Jeon knew you never wanted him, but he never stopped pursuing.

"Why are you sad?" An endearing voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You smiled, wiping the tears on your cheeks.

"I just... I lost someone I loved." The little child climbed onto the window sill as well, sitting on your lap.

"I lost someone too, once. But I don't remember anything." He said, slightly frowning.

"Was it the Queen? Your mother?" You patted his fluffy, brown hair.

"How did you know, Y/n? Oh, I'm sorry! Father said I should call you my mother."

"We are barely 12 years apart. I'm more like your sister. You don't have to call me your mother if you don't wish to, Jungkook."

He giggled, "I love it when you call me that!"

You furrowed your eyebrows, "Call you what?"

"'Jungkook' of course!" He said, slightly jumping out of happiness in your lap.

You figured not everyone called him by his name, either addressing him as Prince or majesty.

"I'm more than happy to call you by your name, Jungkook."

"Yes! It's my name! I am the great warrior, Jeon Jungkook." You laughed slightly at his excitement. His innocent soul found delight in the littlest of things.

Over the past couple of weeks, little Jungkook had been your source of joy. He had a lot of energy, whenever you didn't feel like getting up, Jungkook forced you to play with him. Unknowingly, it helped you to handle the grief a lot better.

Ofcourse, he was a bit spoiled, being the Prince of an entire country does come with a lot of luxuries. But the kindness and bright nature overtook his spoiled attitude. The kid was the type to throw a tantrum when the chef didn't make his favorite food but then apologize for his behavior in the cutest way possible.

"Oh! I have a letter for you." He said, pulling out an envelope from his hanbok.

You furrowed your eyebrows, "A letter? Did you write it?"

"No, that person told me to give it to you. They got it from your friend." He said.

According to Jungkook, there was a person in the palace worried for your well-being. It was probably a maid who used to work for your father, you thought. You weren't allowed to leave your chambers, so letters were the only mode of communication.

You took the envelope in your hand and carefully opened it. You hoped it was who you thought it was: your childhood friend.

Dear Y/n,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing this two days after your wedding with the King. But I would imagine it will take a few days to reach you considering all the security. But I was promised by my friend that it'll reach you, no matter what happens, and I trust that.

I cannot fathom the pain that you are enduring. Losing two people in a single day, seeing them lose their light in front of you. I am sorry I couldn't be there. I understand why you hate the King. I am sorry for the times I shushed you when you were speaking ill about him. He isn't kind at all.

Yoongi was a great person and my friend as well. And about Taehyung... I am writing this letter to tell you what he wished you knew. He had kept this in the past but I am sure he meant to tell you this in the time to come.

He was no ordinary farmer. Taehyung used to be an assassin in the royal army. He climbed up ranks as soon as he joined the army. Ofcourse his identity was and is a secret to the mass. He was a brutal man, assassinating whoever wronged the King. He was loyal to the Jeon family.

There were also rumors that wives and women of aristocratic families paid him to sleep with them, and that is how he knew a lot of the secrets of the royals and high class families. The rumors were proved to be true and that made King Jeon furious. He was eventually removed from his position and was sent back.

This is all I know about the matter.

Y/n, how I wish I could be there for you. Your parents have no maids and servants now after what your father did. Although I am trying my best to get work back at the palace to be closer to you, the King is stubborn. He is not taking any chances and his trust in me has dwindled due to your father.

I believe in you. There are talks of a revolution inspired by Taehyung and Yoongi, talks to save you. Until then, I believe you will hold on. My friend at the palace will treat you well.

For now, all I can say is keep safe and do not let the King get to your head. You have seen worse now, have you not?

Do not lose hope.

Love,

Jung Hoseok

You read the letter slowly, each word sinking in. Hoseok’s message was a lifeline, a reminder that you were not alone. He was out there, fighting for you, and there was a glimmer of hope in the talk of revolution. You clutched the letter to your chest, drawing strength from his words.

Jungkook watched you with wide eyes, sensing the importance of the letter. "Is it good news?"

You smiled through your tears, nodding. "Yes, Jungkook. It's good news. Thank you for bringing it to me."

He beamed, his innocent joy a balm to your wounded heart. "I'm glad!"

As you tucked the letter away safely, you felt a renewed sense of determination. You would endure this, for Taehyung, for Yoongi, and for the future Hoseok envisioned. You would not let the King break you.

You remembered Taehyung fighting the palace guards masterfully, his moments were fluid and graceful. He was formidable until that soldier 'defeated' him on King's command.

You remembered Taehyung often telling you a thing or two about the aristocrats and high ranking officials. How the husbands were unfaithful and all the wives could do was sit there with a smile, because if they held any other expression, they would be beaten and bruised. He also mentioned the wives paying men for some satisfaction as their husbands found solace in anyone but them.

You remembered the way he held you whenever he made love to you. His movements reflected clear experience. You never asked him why it was.

He hated the nobility and the privileged yet he slept with wives. You couldn't help but wonder what made him go through with that. King Jeon, who had several affairs, would not remove Taehyung from his post simply because of what he did. There had to be more to that.

"Who is the letter from?" The patiently awaiting Jungkook asked.

"A friend of mine, Hobi. He is the sweetest person there is." You smiled, patting his head, "Thank you for delivering this to me."

"Will you play with me now?" He asked eagerly.

"Do you have a game in mind, little Prince?" You were more than delighted to have Jungkook. He kept you busy and didn't let you think much about the happenings.

"Hide and seek? But your chamber does not have places to hide." He pouted.

"That's alright. We can play something else."

"Can we go play in the courtyard? Father is visiting the kingdom. He won't know of it."

Knowing what the King can do, you didn't want to put Jungkook in trouble. Even if a single soul caught you outside of your chamber, you could face the King's wrath. But you could handle it, the 7 year old could not.

"Jungkook, you know I cannot. Let us play something else, yes?"

"I am the Prince, I promise you father would never know." He said haughtily.

"But you would get into big trouble." You sighed, trying to convince the little boy.

"I have people to protect me, do not worry."

"Against your father? I don't think so, Prince."

He shook his head, "I have people to protect me against anyone in this world."

"Jung-"

"No! You are playing hide and seek with me and I won't hear anymore from you."

You held the Prince's shoulders, trying to stop him from throwing a tantrum, "What if the King hurts you? What will I do then?"

He laughed, "He will be killed before he touches me."

You furrow your eyebrows, who would be foolish enough to kill a man like that? But then again, Jungkook was the future of the Jeon Empire. He must definitely have loyal guards.

"Are you sure about this? If we get caught, you say nothing. I would take the blame on me, alright?"

He nodded, "Yes! I am more than sure."

"Then let us play in the courtyard for an hour or so."

He jumped off of your lap in excitement, almost stumbling and falling. But he caught himself just in time.

"Try and catch me." You said, getting up from the window sill and running outside your chamber.

You knew the palace well enough to navigate through the confusing corridors. Somehow, it was exactly like the recurring dream you have about the non-existent prince and his dog, Bam.

The two of you laughed as you ran through the hallways of the palace. Mindfulness was long forgotten as your voices echoed. Everyone who crossed your paths didn't bother you when they saw the Prince running with you.

"Alright, do you want to hide?" You asked as you both reached the courtyard.

"Yes, but promise you won't peek." He said, clearly having experienced dishonesty while playing this game before.

"I won't, do not worry. I will count to 50, that is enough time for you to hide." He nodded as you closed your eyes and faced a large tree.

Time passed and you played with the child for more than an hour, after which you retired back to your chamber.

You were tired to say the least. Following a bath, you cuddled up to a large cushion, your hair still slightly wet. And as per usual, thoughts flooded your mind. Thoughts which made you cry out in pain.

Every single one of them consisted of your lover. The image of his smile as King Jeon pushed the sword deeper was etched into your brain.

You regretted meeting Taehyung. It was his fault you learned how to dream. It was his fault you dreamt of a better life, a life with just him and you. But it was your fault you held him with you. You were curious what love was, so you held onto him with everything you had.

Love always leads to misfortune. You never believed it existed until you met him. But seeing how the two of you ended, proved to be a constant reminder that it shouldn't exist. Love seemed much better when you thought it was a myth.

Your thoughts were cut off by the sound of the door opening. You looked out the window, it was dark outside. You knew who it was and you were ready to do anything to stop him from doing as he wished.

"Today was really tiring." He said, closing the door. You didn't move at all and stayed facing away from him.

You felt the bed dip behind you but you still didn't move. But you did visibly flinch at his touch on your shoulder. His large hand rubbed against your upper arm.

"All of my subjects adore me, tell me, why is it that you tremble at my touch? Perhaps the excitement?" He laughed.

"Stop being delusional." You whispered.

"What was that?" His aged ears did not pick up your words.

"I said, stop being delusional." You said in a firm tone, getting up from the bed and stepping away from it.

The King looked up at you and his laughter grew in volume. He was clearly entertained by your withdrawal.

His laughter seized and his gaze turned dark, "Delusional? My Queen, you are the one deluding yourself. You thought you could live a perfect life with that lad? He used you for money and pleasure."

"Get lost, I plead with you. Do not speak a single word about him. He never wanted me for my money. He was a real man, unlike you." You were agitated by his words. Your voice trembled with anger, yet you tried to keep a strong expression.

He got up from your bed and walked towards you, "You have not given me a chance to prove myself yet, have you now?"

"Leave." You gritted, hands clenched into fists.

His tall and wide frame towered above yours, "Oh, what if I don't, what if I..." He raised his hand to touch your cheek but you swatted it away.

"You are fucking disgusting."

The King turned his head to the side and let out a bitter chuckle. Without a word, he turned around and walked out of your chamber leaving you trembling with fear and anger all over.

Your labored breaths slowed down. You were supposed to hold on till someone rescued you, but he made it increasingly difficult to do so.

You laid on the cold bed. Hatred was boiling inside of you. How you wished Taehyung was there to comfort you, guide you through it all. You were tired but it seemed sleep evaded you.

On nights like these, you always imagined Taehyung was holding you tight and secure. You had never gotten a chance to sleep with him overnight, but your imagination proved to be a good companion.

You sighed, letting your tears fall once again, "I hate you so much for leaving." You whispered to your imaginary Taehyung.

You felt so broken, so cursed. Your own skin felt foreign.

"I suppose I have to hold on... for you."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"I am the undefeated Jeon Jungkook." The little child jumped around waving his wooden sword. His energy truly surprised you. Maybe you were just lazy but the boy played from sunrise to sunset and he still wished to play more.

You were sitting on a bench in the courtyard. The cherry blossom trees overhead provided enough shade for you to relax. Jungkook was fighting with the falling pink leaves.

It had been exactly 2 months since your wedding day. Spring had almost come to an end. The Korean Peninsula experienced a monsoon which seemed to be arriving soon considering the wind. You remembered when your father taught you about various seasons across the world. You didn't find the information interesting, always leaning more towards human anatomy and science.

You could see Jungkook's caretaker arriving in a hurry. You weren't afraid of being spotted by her outside of your room, she was the type to scold you for it but would never tell the King. The frail lady was Yoongi’s mother and you could see the resemblance in her cat-like eyes.

It wasn’t long ago when you had first met her. She had approached you with a stoic face, similar to that of Yoongi, but she was the sweetest woman you had met. She introduced herself as Mrs. Min, caretaker of the youngest child of the Jeon family.

Immediately you asked if she knew Yoongi, to which she hesitated to answer. After a bit of coercion, she admitted she was the mother of a traitor. She was ashamed of her son but knew he had his own reasons to rebel. You could tell she loved him dearly. She was taken aback when you embraced her and said that Yoongi was a brave person and fought for what he believed.

"My Prince, my Queen..." The old woman bowed.

You pressed your lips together and gave her a small nod in return, "What is it, Mrs. Min?"

"If I may, Eunuch Kang has requested the little Prince's presence." She said. Her small and wrinkly smile seemed the most trustworthy in the entire palace.

Eunuch Kang, though, always seemed a little too suspicious. Always keeping an eye on everything and everyone, supporting the Emperor's evil deeds and always advising him to do the cruelest thing possible.

"I shall be back Y/n, wait for me." Jungkook said, handing you his sword.

"You must not call her by her name, she is your mother." His caretaker gasped.

"Alright then, I shall be back, mother." Jungkook's tone made you silently laugh a little. He didn't want to call you his mother, but he had to in front of everyone.

You waved with a smile until Jungkook and Mrs.Min were out of sight.

It had been so long since you had been alone with nature. You decided to take a walk barefoot to feel the grass between your toes.

There were all kinds of flowers, trees and herbs in the garden. There was a tiny path amongst the herbs through which you decided to stroll.

You enjoyed the walk until you found yourself in an unfamiliar part of the garden. The palace grounds were vast and intricate, making it easy to lose your way. They were connected to various training areas, lakes and even a forest.

You had no intent to escape, though. Where would you escape to? All you knew was the capital city of Hanseong. Hypothetically, you would have to travel a distance of 150 km to escape the Jeon Empire. Even then, there was no guarantee that the border guards would let you pass.

Your eyes sparkled when you spotted a rare imported herb, saffron. These weren't naturally grown in your country, and this was the first time you saw a saffron plant. You squatted down to get a better look at the delicate flowers.

“You should get a better grip on the sword.” You heard a faint voice from a distance. The person was with someone else, you could tell. Your hands subconsciously touched the flowers as you heard their conversation. Maybe you could find some crucial information, you thought.

“How are you so good with the bow and not the sword, Jimin?” The same voice groaned.

The second person, supposedly Jimin seemed extremely annoyed, “I do not fucking care, I am leaving.”

You were so focused on the conversation, you failed to notice the increasingly clouded sky overhead. The clouds were already full and ready to pour.

You slowly walked to the direction of the voices, mindful not to step on dried leaves. As you drew closer, the figures came into view—a young man, possibly Jimin, and another whose face you couldn't quite see.

Quickly, you ducked behind a nearby tree, peering out cautiously. The branches provided a decent cover, allowing you to observe without being noticed.

Jimin was visibly frustrated, pacing back and forth, while the other person, a taller, stern-looking man, tried to reason with him. The wind picked up, rustling the leaves, but you remained perfectly still, straining to catch every word.

Your breath caught as the man turned around, revealing his face and his topless torso. His toned muscles glistened with sweat under the clouded sky. He held a sword with effortless grace, the weapon gleaming in the dim light.

You couldn't help but admire his chiseled features and strong arms, a testament to years of rigorous training. His strong jawline moved as he spoke to Jimin. His dark, obsidian hair fell in damp strands over his forehead, and his doe eyes, which reminded you of the little Prince, were focused on his comrade, a mix of frustration and concern evident in his gaze.

You tore your eyes away, feeling your cheeks warm. But curiosity killed the cat, and you were much like one. Your curiousity always led to trouble, you knew it. It was best to leave, you thought.

The downpour was relentless, you tried your best to see ahead. The smell of fresh rain filled your senses. The entire garden turned into a muddy mess not long after. You needed to find shelter, the trees weren't much help.

However, in your hurry, you slipped, and fell knee first on the ground, letting out a squeal. Not your best moments, you could say. Great, your hanbok was dirty, you were drenched and lost, and now you were probably bleeding.

“Fuck, what are you doing here?” A voice called out, concerned yet surprised. And now you were caught.

You looked up to see the topless soldier from earlier, his eyes wide with alarm. Before you could say anything, he swiftly picked you up, one hand under your knees and one around your back. You gasped, instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck for support.

“We need to get you out of this rain.” He yelled over the loud thrumming of rain. He carried you as if you weighed nothing. He moved quickly through the muddy garden, his steps confident and sure despite the slippery ground. Within moments, he reached a nearby stable.

He was barely panting as he let you down on your feet. You could sense him staring at you with his round eyes as you shivered due to the awfully cool climate. His presence, though casual, brought a strange sense of comfort amid the chaos.

"Who are you?" You looked at his drenched form, mirroring yours. The only thing that differed was his bare torso. A sudden realization made fear shoot through every nerve of your body. He seemed to be a commander of higher rank and you just made him save your clumsy self from the rain. What if he tells the emperor? You could be put to death for just being here.

"I am sorry but you need to be more aware of your surroundings." He said trying to sound nonchalant. He could see the fear in your eyes but chose to ignore it. Did he scare you?

"I-I'll keep that in mind." You bowed fervently.

"Jungkook..."

"What?" You tilted your head in confusion.

"I am Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook." Prince Jungkook?

You chuckled, “Ofcourse you are.” You rubbed your arms briskly to generate some warmth.

He furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

“You are not Prince Jungkook. But you do look like him, I must admit.” You removed the outer coat of your hanbok, the wet clothing being a bit too uncomfortable.

“Why do you think that, my Queen?” He was amused.

“Because, you are not Jungkook. He is the 7 year old Prince of the Jeon Empire.” You pressed.

His amusement reached new levels, “That little kid? You think he is Jeon Jungkook?”

“Yes! Are you jesting me?” You looked at his very, very familiar face. It was as if you had seen him a million times, but you hadn't. Keeping your eyes on him was dangerous territory, yet you couldn't help but continually glance at him.

“I need to have a talk with him.” He laughed.

You raised your eyebrows, “You sure do have some arrogance.” How could a soldier like him stand on equal grounds with the Prince?

“Why is it arrogant to have a talk with my baby brother?” He folded his arms over his chest, biceps flexing as he did so.

“B-Brother? He is surely not-” You had second thoughts, though. His eyes? “Oh, his cousin?” you asked.

He shook his head, “I hope not. We are siblings.”

Surely the man was lying. How did you not know about the existence of another Prince, who could be the heir to the Jeon Empire? But then again, you didn't know the younger Prince existed until a few weeks ago.

You cleared your throat, you were still the Queen, you had superiority, you needn't be afraid, “And your name is?”

“I was not lying when I said I was Jeon Jungkook.” The corner of his mouth lifted slightly.

“You are not Jungkook.” Your mind was processing a million things at the moment. If the man in front of you was Jungkook, who was the child you had befriended?

As if he could hear your thoughts, he answered, “I am the heir to the throne, Prince Jungkook. And the kid, he's my brother, Jeon Junghyun.”

[fernandopiastri28]

quand c’est - part 6 ~ ln4 x op81

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8

Yet now at 24, he feels a shell of that aspiring kid. The one who truly believed he would be a world champion. That dream, the realness of it seems to have fizzled. Not just because of the diagnosis, but because he knows Oscar, he sees Oscar’s raw talent in his second year of racing. He saw it in Oscar’s rookie year too- and he knows he’ll never have that.

Warnings: sickness, illness, cancer

Lando wakes up, and he’s still sick. It’s expected- no one recovers from brain cancer in a matter of hours, but a part of him continues to believe this is some awful nightmare or a really sick joke.

It must’ve been a fair few hours since he’d gotten the news, because it’s already getting dark outside again.

Lando’s blurry vision slowly clears up the more he blinks. He tries his best to sit up, his arms not complying with him- heavy with the weight of being pierced with IVs and drips.

He leans over as best as he could, a slow calculated move. He checks his phone, calls and messages as far as he could see from his family and the other drivers.

Carlos: Landito

Carlos: Landito are you okay?

Carlos: Is Oscar taking care of you?

Carlos: Mierda

Carlos: You are in my thoughts and prayers. It was a bad crash.

Thanks for the reminder Carlos, Lando fucking knew it was an awful crash. An awful crash during an awful race from an awful driver. Just awful.

Daniel: Lando mate r u aluroght?

Daniel: *alright

Daniel: thinkin of u rn mate

Daniel: i hope you’re feeling better

Lando wonders how many people knew he was in the hospital. He wonders if Oscar had been calling anyone else beyond Logan to talk about how Lando was an insane man who had no care for his own health.

Max V: Hello Lando. I hope you are feeling well and are doing okay. Cannot wait to see you in cota you absolute weapon. You’ll be bonzer.

Max V: Daniel taught me that word. I think it is bonzer or bonza. Not sure

Lando smiles at Max’s messages, his body hurting too much to be able to laugh. Clearly the dutch man has been spending far too much with Daniel as his dialect was becoming more like the Australian’s each day.

Max V: Daniel is very worried for you, I am too.

He presses onto his chat with his mum, clicking to call her. He has 12 missed calls from her, no doubt about whether she knew about not only the hospital, but also the diagnosis. Oscar would’ve been on top of that.

It feels nice to hear his mum’s voice on the other end of the call, even if her voice was scratchy and hard to understand from crying. He asks about his sisters and brother, trying to skirt around the elephant in the room.

When the phone call eventually ends, he swipes his hand over Oscar’s mess of hair. It’s no longer that perfect swoop, more like how he remembered it being in Singapore a year ago, stuck to his forehead and falling down with the humidity.

It’s strange to think of anything about Singapore last year now. Strange to think about his first time being on the podium with his best friend. Strange to think about the ice baths with Oscar, playing padel with George, the feeling of being so disgustingly sweaty at the end of the race- but pure adrenaline and joy overpowering that discomfort.

Now he was left rotting away in a hospital bed, unable to do those same simple and ‘mundane’ tasks.

He misses George, for some reason, a lot.

And Alex, he misses the 2019 rookies group. He misses the beginning of his F1 career- where he didn’t have a care in the world and truly believed he was ‘exceptional’ for being at the top category of motor sports at 18.

Yet now at 24, he feels a shell of that aspiring kid. The one who truly believed he would be a world champion. That dream, the realness of it seems to have fizzled. Not just because of the diagnosis, but because he knows Oscar, he sees Oscar’s raw talent in his second year of racing. He saw it in Oscar’s rookie year too- and he knows he’ll never have that.

If there’s going to be a world champion of either of them, It’ll be Oscar, and it kills Lando that he has to be happy for Oscar knowing that.

~~

A nurse comes in every hour on the dot to either give him another round of either medicine or to note down how his body is reacting to the painkillers. To be fair, he does feel relatively good. His head doesn’t hurt, and he doesn’t really feel anything at all.

Oscar wakes up after a while and just sits with him, making some dry jokes in an attempt to make Lando laugh. He doesn’t laugh as much as he usually would, but that’s because he sometimes only catches every second word. He’s sure Oscar’s being pretty funny though, so sometimes he laughs for the sake of ensuring Oscar keeps talking.

Lando has energy for one thing, and one thing only- kissing. Oscar’s wary about that, cautious like a few little pecks are going to absolutely destroy Lando.

To Lando, he has already braced himself for the fact that he’s going to change with the effects of surgery and chemo- mentally and physically. Maybe future Lando won’t want to kiss Oscar as much.

And maybe he’ll get so ugly that Oscar won’t want to kiss Lando either.

But Oscar caves, as he usually does, and it’s so sweet, so perfect. They kiss, and Oscar laughs into Lando’s mouth when he makes a stupid one liner, not funny to anyone other than Oscar, who is the easiest person in the world to make laugh.

Well, when it comes to Lando. Otherwise, Lando takes the cake for that title.

It feels like being a teenager again, or what Lando imagines teenage romance would’ve felt like. He was too busy with F4, F3, F2 and then obviously all the prep for F1 to ever have enough time to consider having a relationship. But being with Oscar, kissing in a hospital room and quickly separating when a doctor or a nurse walks in is just like how it’s described in movies.

Before Oscar, he only dated Luisinha, which besides the off season and some weekends that weren’t race weekends, he’s never really had time with his partner to be like this.

He has as much of Oscar as he wants right now, has all the time in the world to kiss and cuddle and laugh and talk without having a hundred cameras in their faces.

Lando wants to stay like this forever. Forever adoring, forever adored.

~~

After a few days, the doctors rule him ‘well enough’ to be discharged, which isn’t even something Lando thought would happen. Clearly he’s got a lot about brain cancer to research, because he truly believed he’d be permanently hospital bound.

In reality, he’s only leaving to go back to Monaco and have the surgery there. If he had the surgery in Singapore, he’d be stuck there for months. As much as he likes Singapore- it’s not home, and it’s so humid.

The doctors that have been treating him in Singapore have been in contact with a set of surgeons at a private hospital in Monaco- discussing each precise detail to the tumour and the ideal route of how to remove it. Lando doesn’t listen when the doctors describe it to him, he goes to his happy place instead.

Miami, Florida- the 5th of May 2024

Oscar does listen on the other hand. He’s attentive, noting down each piece of information onto a little pocket book Logan had given the aussie for his birthday back in April. Where Lando zones out and goes spacey, Oscar remembers everything so he can explain it to Lando if he wants to know.

However, Lando does sometimes listen when they speak about the time after the surgery. It isn’t clear when he’s going to be able to race again as it all depends on how much of the tumour they’re able to remove and how his body will react to the chemotherapy.

COTA is completely out of the picture in terms of what he might be able to race in, and to be fair, the rest of the season is a wary grey area. Anything beyond Australia at the beginning of next year just seems too soon, as recovery from brain tumour surgery is 6-12 weeks, and that’s for normal activities- much less racing F1 cars.

For once, he decides to take that advice. Not listening to someone who was genuinely looking out for his health got him into this situation, badly bruised up from a crash on top of the existing tumour and cancer.

Oscar helps draft out an email from Lando to the McLaren team, explaining a situation they are already completely caught up on. Lando watches Oscar’s fingers tap across his laptop keyboard, using all the fancy jargon that Lando wouldn’t even know exists.

If he’s lucky and the tumour can be successfully removed, the doctors tell him he’ll return to his old self. He won’t have the headaches, the brain fog, the poor vision, the nausea. He’ll just be Lando Norris again- maybe slightly different, but better than now.

They don’t like to discuss what will happen if he’s unlucky though.

The bad thing about the tumour is that even though they are able to shrink it through chemotherapy if the surgery is unsuccessful, they’re not sure of the exact spread of it through his brain just yet. The MRI scan didn’t show the complete extent of the tumour, so they won’t know just how bad the situation is until they actually get in there for the surgery.

That’s the exact reason they’re pushing for it to happen as soon as possible- within the week ideally. Because the longer they wait, the more it spreads.

Lando’s had so many doctors and nurses tell him he was lucky that he crashed and ended up in hospital, as it was likely that the tumour would have remained undetected for a solid few more weeks, which could’ve killed him if he left it any longer than he did.

But Lando can’t help but think if he really was lucky, he wouldn’t be in this situation. He wouldn’t have a growing brain tumour, he wouldn't be in hospital, he wouldn’t be going in for surgery.

He’d be racing, he’d be on podiums- he’d be fine.

[aphroditelovesu]

(no longer updated)

masterlists || rules and fandoms list || wip’s list || prompt’s lists || love letters || disclaimer: some of my works may have nsfw content in addition to the yandere genre. if you are sensitive to these topics, I recommend not reading.

© aphroditelovesu, 2022. all rights reserved. do not translate or repost my work without my permission. you are free to use my edits, but I only ask that you credit me.

⤷ genre: yandere/dark au.

✿.｡ requests are CLOSED/asks and concept are always open.彡 rules and fandoms 彡 emoji prompt list 彡 prompts list 彡 kinktober 2023 masterlist 彡 wip’s list: I, II, III, IV, V ✿.｡

⤷ BTS :  💜

⤷ BLACKPINK : 🖤

⤷ ITZY : 🧡

⤷ Stray Kids : 💙

‘‘Love you so bad, love you so bad, mold a pretty lie for you.’‘

⤷ Greek Mythology : ⚡

⤷ Egyptian Mythology : 𓂀

⤷ Historical Characters : 📜

‘‘We are the lovesick girls, you can’t just end this love on your own.’‘

⤷ The Vampire Diaries/The Originals : 🧛

⤷ House of the Dragon : 🐉

⤷ Game of Thrones : ❄️

⤷ The Sandman : ⌛

⤷ Outlander : 🗿

⤷ Wednesday : 🎻

⤷ Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir : 🐞

⤷ Brooklyn Nine-Nine : 👮‍♂️

⤷ Bridgerton : 🐝

⤷ Shadow and Bone : ☠️

⤷ Outer Banks : 💰

‘‘Yeah, we were born to be alone but why we still looking for love?’‘

⤷ Percy Jackson : 🌊

⤷ Harry Potter : 🔮

⤷ A Court of Thorns and Roses : 🌹

⤷ A Song of Ice and Fire : 🔥

‘‘Love it’s so mad, love it’s so mad, trying to erase myself and make me your doll.’‘

⤷ Attack On Titan : 🗡

‘‘I’m the one I should love in this world.’‘

⤷ Marvel : ۞

‘‘I finally realized so I love me, not so perfect but so beautiful.’‘

‘‘Dearest (Y/N),

We are very happy to hear that you are back with us. It's been so long since we could hold you that we even forgot the feeling. We missed you during your absence and were almost worried to death when we learned of your disappearance. You almost had us dead! Don't ever do it again or you'll see the consequences and you know they won't be good. Or will they be? Only time will tell.

For now, we'll just leave you this letter as a reminder. But don't worry, you have a lot of letters to read and more will follow. We will send them with all the passion of a writer completely in love with its muse.

With love,

Your yanderes completely in love with you.’’

⤷ Love Letters : 💕

⤷ Love Letters II : 💕

‘‘Don’t you know that you’re toxic?’’

Thank you all so much for the kind comments and for supporting my writing despite my english not being the best. I love you all! ❤️ All the best to you guys and stay hydrated!!

₊˚.✦*:･there a̶r̶e̶✧乀✿one of☆˚˖੭ those days•.꒰˖days whe̶n̶ I✧ৎ⋆s u d d e n t l y feel♡.*⊱all a̶l̶o̶n̶e̶❛ ━ :❘❘↴when i feel˘.+*✦like I d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ !¡❞♕‵̤ belong anywhere.:✧°whenever t̶h̶o̶s̶e̶ days°⊹come, you+tell⋆̥˚̣̣̣͙❞me❀⊰｡how p̶r̶e̶c̶i̶o̶u̶s̶ i am▾₊˚i become a.✩*⊹very special me₊˚.*:you make m̶e̶˘.+*feel s p e c i a l¸*.❀

⤷ cited songs: Fake Love ;; Lovesick Girls ;; Epiphany ;; Toxic ;; Feel Special

[crushedsweets]

i was listening to twin size mattress by the front bottoms and was like. hmm this is the most toby song ever

SO i was wondering do u have any songs that remind you of specific creeps? could be from lyrics or just general vibes yk yk

- 🌙 anon (im new here hi)

HII welcome. ok ok. so i listen to music in a very boring way and never analyze lyrics/artists/albums/etc. but for you i will try to change.

also these lryics with toby oh wow.. wow. ok. wowwww. wow. ok. wow. STUFF UNDER THE CUT BUT KNOW IM DEEPLY WARPING THE ACTUAL MEANING BEHIND A LOT OF THESE SONGS LOL. i religiously listen to love songs so its hard

toby and honey by coastal club. (my fave song rn..)

whether its from his perspective or not.. it doesnt even have to be romantic either. just his friendships with everyone around him, both from people like tim and brian seeing this SEVERELY TROUBLED kid. . . 'wide eyed..dying to get outside' feels very :((( yk. he was a kid trapped in a fucking horrifying situation all his life. or him looking at his friendship with nina. "youve got a way with me... alive and so full of life, i'm mesmerized by your love" etc. maybe jack or clockwork with the "i started laughing at the words you spoke, i kinda like you and your stupid jokes"... AGAIN I KNOW ITS A LOVE SONG but i see it applying in so many different forms of love. and i love love. also a ton of like, car and driving references which is um. lyra reference sorry

nina x clockwork and "a big brown dog named bagel" by nep

ok this doesnt apply so much to my au(nobody is canon in mine but yk)... buttttttt... yeah. ugh. this is so nina @ nat. sorry guys ive been changed. one ask always diverts my attention at the speed of light. "I like the way she bites, the way she talks, the way she looks when I smile" is just SO FUCKING NINA ADORING NAT. nina just wants to be in the most fairytale coming of age movie ya novel lovestory and she says that her biggest dream in life is to get married. she wants to take care of her lover and give and give and give so fucking much and "I'll buy you a big old house on a big old hill And I'll grow old with my baby, 'til she's dead" is so very her. of course i chose clockwork cuz 'she's tall in the knees' and 'some green in her eyes' plus im a lesbian and havent fawned over sapphic relationships in months since i began my creepypasta return. LOL

eyeless jack and "downhill" by lincoln

there r few words to describe the amount of guilt, horror, and devastation that jack feels after what he's done, all he's lost, and what he has to do to survive. he has a year of his life that he was literally possessed by a demon and went around fucking tearing humans apart and eating their remains. even as he's """recovering""" and settling into a cabin, his friendships with the creeps, trying to just feel okay. he's on his last leg, he can tell that people know he's a shell of what he was but they'll never know how warm, kind, inviting he used to be. "i went downhill at such a steep inline" ... yea he did his life changed immeasurably in a single night and it's never coming back. the lyrics "'Cause I was born into the world on a silken cloud / And I got bored of the world before I hit the ground" ... while he had a ton of pressure. he loved his life, loved his family, was the type to constantly express how grateful he was for everything that got him where he was. and then he hit rock fucking bottom because he wanted to chase a little excitement with the pretty girl inviting him to join a 'club.' poor guy

liu and "i'm not angry anymore" by paramore

i dont think i need to explain this because um..... lols... liu just wants to fucking move on. he just wants to escape everything. he wants his family back, including the little brother he'd play catch with in the front yard for so many years. but he has his moments where it all comes barreling back, and he makes real fucking brash decisions - he lost his marriage because he spiraled trying to find jeff and moved to fucking alabama. so you know.

jane and "everest" by beabadoobee

again, i dont think i need to explain this. maybe this could be mary(jane's wife) singing to jane, cuz she was one of janes main supports after her parents death. jane can only act strong for so long but she is so so so fucking sad and mourning and she was always so soft and gentle and sweet and she lost everything in a single night. she spent a short period of time filled with rage, as she would be, but her story eventually evolves into her just wanting to help others with their cases, be happy with her wife, take care of sally, grow old, make her parents proud. she's climbed mountains and is probably in the best place of all the creeps. holds her. i dont touch her character too often because i just want her to settle happily lolz..

ok thats all i got guys :3.. thank youuuuu thank youuu. sorry if my music taste is bad guys. LOL.

[ghuleh-witch]

And We Are Tied As One Eternally-V

Fandom: Ghost Rating: Explicit Warnings: (For Future Chapters) NSFW, 18+, unprotected sex, p in v sex, oral sex, mentions of past abuse and domestic violence, references to suicide (For This Chapter) brief mentions of 9/11, war, death, school shootings, and religious manipulation Relationships: Papa Emeritus IV/Copia x OFC Additional Tags: soft!dom Copia, eventual smut, developing relationship, kind of a slow burn, no beta reader Chapter Word Count: 2116 Summary: Ellie Moran just wanted to make a new life for herself. Running to escape the people in her past, she ends up in a small town in the middle of nowhere that happens to be home to a Satanic church. She never expected her life to change again after she started attending the public masses at said church.

Ao3

Chapters: 5/? Previous Chapters

Tag list: @sodoswitchimage

Her laugh was the most musical thing he’d ever heard, and Copia would die happy if it was the last thing he would ever hear again. He sat on the edge of his bed as Ellie sat cross-legged on the floor, his rats crawling over her knees and onto her shoulders. She giggled and cooed at them, gently petting their soft fur with her fingers. Copia felt fluttering in his stomach as she watched Ellie’s face scrunch as Meatball sniffed her ear. 

“That tickles,” she said as she gently lifted Meatball from her shoulder and to her knee. She gave him a loving pat before fishing her phone out of her pocket and checking the time. “I can’t stay for long. I have work this afternoon.”

“What do you do for work?” Copia asked. 

“I work at the little bookstore in town—stocking, running the register, stuff like that,” Ellie answered. 

“Do you like it?”

“It’s one of the better jobs I’ve had. I don’t mind it at all. My one supervisor is an asshole but it pays my bills so I can’t complain too much,” Ellie said with a shrug. 

“Asshole? What makes them an asshole?” Copia asked curiously, ready to go to bat for her.

“Oh, he’s a religious guy. Reminds me of all the people I grew up around.”

“That’s right, you said you were an evangelical baptist,” Copia said, remembering what she told him the first time they met. “Not that it’s any of my business, but what led you astray from your church?” He saw her go still for a moment as the rats crawled over her shoulders. She was considering her words, he noted and it made him even more curious

“Just a lot of things,” she said with a shrug. “The older I got the more I questioned things and the less that made sense. I didn’t particularly appreciate how controlling they were for one. I couldn’t read certain books or watch certain movies because they were considered evil. I wasn’t allowed to wear certain types of clothes. I was told my place in the world was to be a wife and a mother and pop out as many kids as possible to serve God.” She sighed. “I think the thing that started to make me pull away was being told at thirteen years old that I needed to martyr myself for Jesus in case someone came to shoot up my school.” 

Copia felt sick at that. For a child to hear such vile... “That’s disgusting. How dare they tell children that?” He seethed. Anger flooded him the more he thought about it. “And these are the people who claim to protect the innocent. I can’t stand people like that.”

“Me neither, but when you’re at that age and have nowhere else to go you just sort of pretend to be like them to survive,” Ellie said softly. “At least that’s what I did. I don’t think I’ve believed in God since I was fourteen or fifteen, but I played the part of a good Christian girl until I could get away.” 

“You do what you got to in order to survive, even if it does mean, eh, what do the kids say? Faking it until you make it,” Copia said as he nodded in agreement. “The Olde One understands this.” 

“Leaves you with a lot of issues though,” Ellie said with a laugh, her eyes glancing down at her left arm. The glance didn’t go unnoticed by him though. He had a feeling what lay under her sleeve, but he wouldn’t push or bring it up. That was her story to tell whenever she was comfortable and ready. “But I’m working through them. Slowly.”

“Life isn’t a race,” Copia said, leaning over to allow Alfredo to crawl up his arm. “You work at things at your own pace, si ?”

Ellie nodded and then laughed as Meatball tried to crawl down her shirt, and for a moment Copia thought the room got even warmer than it already was. “No, friend, you can’t go down there,” she said as she gently sat Meatball back on her knee. She looked over to Copia. “Thanks again for letting me play with them. I miss having animals in my life.”

“It’s not a problem. Anytime you want to visit them let me know. You do not have any pets?” Copia asked. 

“No,” Ellie said. “I was moving around a lot…you know looking for that change I wanted to make and I didn’t think it would be fair to put that stress on a cat or a dog or any other animal. When I was a kid I used to have a dog. Her name was Misty. She was this really pretty golden retriever. I loved her so much. She was my best friend. After my dad died, my mother got rid of her.”

“Oh, cara, I’m so sorry,” Copia said. “About your father and your dog.”

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago. My dad was in the military. Got sent to war after 9/11, and died in Afghanistan. My mother wasn’t the same after that. She got rid of everything that reminded her of him, and he was the one that got me Misty. I’m pretty sure my mother would have got rid of me if she could.”

He could see the pain in her eyes and it broke his heart. He wanted to hold her and comfort her but settled for placing a hand on her knee and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry to hear that, cara . People grieve in different ways, but that wasn’t fair for your mother to take away something you loved because she couldn’t properly channel that grief.” 

Her hand came to rest over his for a brief moment and for a second Copia thought he felt a tingle of electricity surge through him. “Thanks,” she said softly. “I miss that dog every day. I know she’s probably gone by now. She was three years old when I was ten so she’d be over twenty years old now if she was still alive.” Ellie glanced down at their hands and slowly pulled hers away. Copia did the same, already missing the warmth it brought him. “But maybe one day I’ll get myself another dog.”

“Of course,” Copia said. “But in the meantime, my rats can be your furry friends.”

Ellie grinned. “Thanks.” She dug her phone out of her pocket again and frowned. “I should get going. I gotta get home and get ready for work.”

“Oh, of course. Let’s get the babies back in their home and I’ll walk you out.” 

They got the rats back in their cage and Ellie promised she’d back to visit them. It made his heart race knowing she’d be coming back to his room to see his rats. They were silent as he walked her out of the house and to the lot her car was parked in. “I’ll see you for mass?” He asked as she unlocked her car door.

Ellie nodded. “I’ll be here. I might be back before then though. Gemma said she had some study guides for me to look over.”

Copia nodded. “Well, if you need anything…”

“I’ll let you know,” Ellie finished for him with a smile. “Thanks again, for everything.”

“No problem,” Copia said. “No problem at all. I’ll see you soon.” He watched as she got into her car and started the engine. She gave him a little wave before backing up and making her way down the drive. He watched as her car disappeared before heading back to the house.

“Someone’s becoming smitten,” came a voice from the kitchen once he was back inside.

Copia turned to see Secondo making himself a cup of tea.

“I’m not-” Copia began before Secondo held up a hand to stop him.

“You are,” Secondo said. “Don’t deny it. Why should you? She’s pretty, and from talking to her today in the group session, she seems very intelligent and loyal.”

“Because I barely know her,” Copia argued.

“Since when has that stopped you? How many people have you had in your bed that you actually knew?”

“But I’m old enough to be her father.”

“And?”

“She doesn’t want me.”

“You’re blind, fratello,” Secondo sighed. “I’ve seen the way she looks at you during mass, and just now when you were walking her to her car. She’s smitten too whether she knows it or not. You’re making excuses.”

Copia sighed and sat down at the small table. “Maybe you’re right.”

Secondo huffed and smirked. “I know I’m right. So what are you going to do about it.”

“I don’t fucking know,” Copia said. “I don’t want to scare her off.”

“Invite her to the Samhain ball.” 

“She was already invited.”

“As your date, idiota .” 

Copia blinked. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Because you aren’t thinking,” Secondo said rolling his eyes. “Next time you see her, ask her. Say it’s just a casual thing or something. She’ll say yes.”

Copia nodded. “Okay…okay I will.”

“Good. And for the record, I think you two would be a good fit.” Secondo finished steeping his tea and walking out of the kitchen.

Copia sat the table thinking it all over. “The worst she can say is no,” he told himself before he made his way up to his bedroom. 

XXX

Ellie stared at the clock. Even though she was working a four-hour shift, it felt like she had already been there for a full day. Two hours to go, she thought as she went back to organizing books on the ‘New releases’ table. She thought back on her visit with Copia. She ended up telling him a lot more than she intended, but Ellie couldn’t help it. She felt so comfortable with him that she didn’t mind being vulnerable.

When the bell above the door jingled, Ellie was pulled from her thoughts. She turned to see an older woman walk in with a stack of flyers in her hand.

“Excuse me, dear, could I leave you a flyer to put in your window? It’s for an event at St. Gertrude’s,” the woman said, holding out a piece of paper to Ellie.

“Oh, we’re not allowed to-” Ellie began before being cut off by her supervisor who appeared behind her.

“Of course, Helen,” Charles said beaming. He took the flyer and looked it over. “This town needs the church more than ever.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Helen said smiling. “Ever since those devil worshippers moved into the old abbey this town has gone downhill.”

Ellie stilled, biting her tongue to stop herself from saying something that would get her fired.

“The worst thing that’s happened to this place,” Charles agreed. “I see those freaks all the time walking around town putting up their flyers. They’ve come in here a couple of times to leave flyers. I always shred them. I’ll post this in the window and let people know about the event when they come in.” 

Helen nodded and smiled. “Thanks, Charles. I’m going to continue passing out flyers. I’ll see you at mass.”

“See you there,” Charles said before Helen left. He handed Ellie the flyer. “Put this up in the window.”

“I thought we weren’t allowed to display non-store related flyers,” Ellie said taking the flyer from him.

“No one’s going to care about a church flyer,” Charles said.

“Then why don’t you display the flyers for the Ministry of Ghost?” Ellie challenged. “Why display one religious organization and not the other? Doesn’t seem fair.”

“Because they’re not a religion. They’re a cult of evil,” Charles sneered. “You kids these days…”

“I’m 30 years old. I’m not a kid,” Ellie said. “And I’m only pointing out how hypocritical the situation is and how it’s against company policy to display non-store related flyers in the windows.”

Charles huffed and grabbed the flyer out of Ellie’s hand.

“I’ll do it then,” he said before striding over to the window. 

As Charles went to get some tape from behind the register, Ellie noticed someone standing across the street from the store. She blinked and froze. The setting sun made the street outside dim and made details hard to make out, but she recognized the man staring back at her. Ellie closed her eyes for a second and breathed. In and out. In and out. When she opened her eyes again, the man was gone.

I’m going crazy, she thought as she looked out the window and up and down the street. No one was there.

He’s not here, she told herself. You’re just seeing things. It’s okay. You’re safe. 

Post Chapter A/N I hope everyone got to see Rite Here Rite Now. Seeing it has affected the outcome of this fic, so stay tuned! Follow me on twitter :) -ghulehwitch

[empresskadia]

Round 4 because Part III was that good, holy crap. Hear me out:

-

Linda-058 has a secret sweet tooth. Growing up in the Spartan program, sweets were usually fought for if they weren't given out as a reward or hidden well, so she learned to hide hers the best. (She also learned where all the other candidates hid theirs.) Even outside the program, she kept it a secret because she had a reputation to keep. She couldn't be Linda, the Sniper Goddess if she was caught eating ice cream. Then, she met you. You had never seen her blush before, but her face was as red as her hair when she shared a chocolate milkshake with you. When you both finished, she kissed the leftover whip cream off the tip of your nose.

-

Kelly-087's affections are usually expressed physically in a variety of ways. She has a tendency to lift you off the ground when she hugs you, playing with your fingers while holding hands, or "sneak attacking" you with kisses when she thinks you aren't paying attention. You know she's coming, but you don't have the heart to tell her that.

-

Cal-141 likes to carry you in the way one would carry a bride. She thinks it's cute, and it reminds her of the tales of knights and princesses from when she was a child before the Spartan program. One time, you had bought her a golden dress that would fit her because she had mentioned wanting one ever since she was a kid, and it was like the fairy tales had come true. Cal offered her hand to you after she managed to put it on, insisting on dancing with her knight in shining armor.

-

Sarah Palmer isn't the best with her feelings. Being an ODST during the war and the Commander of all the Spartan-IVs after the war, she tends to hide her emotions behind a mask. Fortunately, as her second in command, you're able to see past the mask she puts on for others. She shows her love in subtle ways, in ways your subordinates wouldn't notice. The way her touch lingers just a few seconds longer, the way her lips ever so slightly curl upward when she sees you, how her eyes tend to flick to you. She's a lot less subtle with her affections in the privacy of your own quarters though.

PART 3 WAS FREAKIN AMAZING, tell me more,

Linda would threaten you to never tell anyone, not even the rest of blue team can know. This is also where she would confess to stealing everyone else's sweets in the program. AND KISSES MY NOSE *FERAL NOISE* that got me good, I'm screaming, and I just tossed my laptop to the side in excitement. Linda <3, honestly, Linda is a beauty-

Kelly is the most affection spartan and she has moments where she looks at her partner and this unexplainable desire to shower them with kisses comes over her. She also likes holding their face in the palm of her hand and will say "my whole world fits in the palm of my hand" ALSO, I would really like Kelly to pick me up and hold me against the wall-

because she would just to see her partner get flustered as hell

omg Cal <3, sweet angel, she would carry you like a princess and even kiss your nose or forehead when she's getting overwhelmed with feelings. AND THE DRESS, first, she would look beautiful, and second, you would help her pin her hair up while you also kiss her scars.

I believe Sarah and her partner would have their own subtle way of their affections for Sarah's sake too. Roland is the only one who has caught on and has been threatened into silence not by the commander but by her second-in-command. Sarah thinks about her partner in the little things throughout the day and when they're in bed together, she will tell them about all the things that made her think of you with a small smile on her face and her ears turning into a tinted pink.

[tealmaskmybeloved]

Ive been wondering, what is Dokutaro's ultimate plan with using Kieran ?? Why him, specifically. And why does Doku want a new subject, is it a plan that requires specifically a human or something the original loyal 3 couldnt do? Or, if you dont want to spoil it, maybe a small hint? :3

Also, does Kieran ever feel at least a teeny bit of regret for giving himself up to Dokuatro? Does he ever remember Carmine and feels lonely, or is he completely content with leaving everybody he knew behind? And how do Carmine, the MC, and his grandparents feel about him? what do they know about his situation?

Buttload of questions, but I just really wanna know more about ur AU's story XD

Me answering this ask:

Jokes aside, boy do I have a lot to say!

Okay so, Dokutaro's desire is to control everything and everyone in the world of Pokémon. He believes that free will is irrelevant and that world is meant to serve him.

However, he's willing to help those who help him, an exchange if you will. Dokutaro believes that if people and Pokémon are willing to do anything to achieve their desires, then losing their free will is a perfect price. And if they can't beat their foes with the power Dokutaro has given them, then it's not his problem. Besides, there's always more Pokémon who'll want to give in to their desires.

Dokutaro is kinda like a monkey's paw situation. You get what you want, but you lose your free will and become one of Dokutaro's Chained.

Dokutaro had only chained Pokémon before, as Pokémon are more susceptible to giving in to their desires and wants than people.

As for Kieran, he is merely a test for Dokutaro, to see if controlling people is actually possible, and Kieran takes a lot of effort to use. With Pokémon, they're more willing to give in to their desires and such, but people are more complex.

Dokutaro can give people and Pokémon one of his Toxic Chains and those give the user what they desire but also chain them to his will.

Dokutaro can also give people and Pokémon its mochi, but those given the mochi are less coherent than the others and are more used as mindless fodder than anything.

So why did Dokutaro choose Kieran specifically?

Kieran had just been "betrayed" by Ogerpon, Carmine, and the protagonists. He no longer looked up to Ogerpon and only saw her as a reminder of his weakness. Dokutaro realized that Kieran wouldn't be siding with Ogerpon anytime soon, so it was the perfect opportunity to have Kieran on his side.

Kieran's own self hatred and anger made himself be easily manipulated. He wanted power, he wanted to get stronger. Dokutaro would make sure that Kieran's wish would be granted.

And since controlling people takes a lot of effort, Dokutaro decided to just have Kieran be its main host and have its other victims mochified (that's a word I decided)

Those who are mochified by Kieran handing out the mochi like rice cakes are technically under Kieran's control as well, although since Dokutaro is manipulating him, they're technically under Dokutaro's control.

While possessing Kieran, who ends up as the BB Leauge Champion, it gives Dokutaro a great amount of power over the school. Kieran is Champion, people listen to him, and people probably won't question him, exactly what Dokutaro wanted. While the Blueberry Academy isn't the most ideal place for Dokutaro to spread its control, it's a good start for world domination.

As for Kieran, he does feel some regret from time to time. He sometimes wishes he could go home and just hang out with Carmine again and live a normal life, but Dokutaro is usually there to remind Kieran that this is totally worth it. (it's not. Don't get controlled by an evil peach, kids) The Loyal 3 do their best to make Kieran feel less alone and have him adjust to his new life.

Carmine hates herself for lying to Kieran, and she 100% knows that Kieran is up to something with that mysterious "plush" that disappeared from Peach'ys. Carmine does a lot of digging because she realizes that "Hey this might be a problem" and she's been researching everything about the Loyal 3 and Ogerpon to figure out what Dokutaro is (its a bit of an issue when all the history books contain the fabricated version of events)

His grandparents feel guilty as they believe that it was their fault that Kieran left. They wish that they told Kieran the truth before all this happened.

Florian and Juliana (they're twins in this AU) have some mixed feelings on Kieran. Florian believes that Kieran should have Ogerpon, but Juliana believes that Ogerpon gets to choose who she stays with. The two blame the other for what happened to Kieran, and they constantly argue about who's fault it is.

Carmine knows that Kieran has been receiving "help" from a Pokémon, but she can't find any info on it. She does know that Dokutaro is connected to the Loyal 3 and that they have beef with Ogerpon, but that's it.

The grandparents assume that Kieran hates them, and they don't know of Dokutaro's meddling.

Florian and Juliana do their own research on what's been helping Kieran, but they often help out Carmine and the group brainstorm together. Ogerpon is there for support and to make sure that Dokutaro gets punted to the sun for what he did.

OKAY I think that's everything you asked about. There's a whole bunch of other stuff I'd want to talk about but I'd have to make a new post because this one is so long. (Which I don't mind. I love receiving asks about my AU)

[dreamspelunker]

A Case for Disney’s “Strange World”

No one seems to know anything about this movie. I didn’t before I saw it yesterday. I went to the movies on a whim and chose this one because the pickings were a bit slim and this one looked like the best out of the bunch.

Guys. This movie is good.

Disney has done this film real dirty by not marketing it properly. I mean, it probably won’t ever take over the world by storm like Encanto did, but it deserves better than what it’s getting. As I said on my Twitter, it is 100% a stunningly beautiful solarpunk film and everyone needs to go see it.

Here’s a brief synopsis since the trailer was garbage and no one saw it anyway:

***The Spoiler-Free Zone***

The story mostly focuses on Searcher, the son of famous explorer Jaeger Clade whose mission in life is to find a passage over the impassable mountains that surrounds their community of Avalonia. While on an expedition to try and scale the peaks, Searcher finds Pando, a mysterious plant that generates a renewable source of electricity. Searcher, tired of exploring and wanting to quit the life, takes the Pando back to Avalonia. Jaeger, still determined to find a way through the mountains, keeps going alone, never to return.

25 years later, Pando has transformed Avalonia into a bustling sci-fi uptopia. Searcher is renowned for having discovered Pando, and now lives a quiet life growing Pando crops with his wife and teenage son. One day, however, the Pando starts dying. In search of a cure, one of Jaeger’s former crew comes to Searcher asking for his help to lead an expedition down underground to figure out what’s killing it and save the society they’ve built with it.

If that sounds like a movie you’d like to see, stop reading now and go see it. Because from here, I’ll be busting out spoilers to talk about themes and why this movie is solarpunk. So I’ll be writing as if you, dear reader, have seen the film.

***The Spoiler Zone***

First of all, this movie is goddamn gorgeous. I really liked the opening comic-panel sequence and all, but I fell in love with the visuals once the story opened up and began showing us Searcher’s farm and Avalonia. Aesthetically, this is about as solarpunk as you can get. Art nouveau-inspired stained glass windows, visible mending on clothes, and really cool-looking tech that’s not at all in conflict with its environment.

That’s not even touching on the world inside Avalonia. I loved the shades of pinks and purples. And the creature design! Absolute chef’s kiss. That whole part of the movie reminded me of this one book I’ve read called ‘Expedition’ by Wayne Douglas Barlowe, which is just about exploring the ecosystem of alien life-forms on a planet called Darwin IV. It’s mostly a collection of really detailed sci-fi paintings of alien creatures. Fantastic stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if someone at the Disney studio had a copy and passed it around for inspiration during production.

In terms of the characters, i thought everyone was engaging and all the voice actors gave really good performances. I really liked Jaeger in particular (yes, he comes back, of course), but all three of the main characters were really well developed.

But, of course, there is The Gay Character. We all know about HIM.

I kid, I kid, I capitalize with irony. They did a good job with him, actually.

I’ve seen a lot of people on Twitter respond to the idea of Ethan Clade with a very cynical shrug without having seen the movie. I have to say, I think people would be genuinely pleased with his portrayal if they gave the movie a chance. There’s no goofy wink-wink LeFou-ing about here. He’s a main character throughout the movie, his love interest is presented upfront with sincerity, and everyone within the world accepts it as normal. He’s not fighting anyone to be gay or trying to hide it, nor is it his one defining trait. He just has a crush on a dude and his dad embarrasses him a bit in front of him. Normal teenage stuff. His character arc is about sorting out his identify in relation to his family, especially his dad. Being gay literally has nothing to do with his character any more than his mom and dad being straight. Which is how it should be.

The story is a fun ride. It’s really well-paced. I was never bored, personally. There are some really great action scenes, some cute comedy with a three-legged dog and a goo creature called Splat, and the emotional beats all made sense with the characters and moved the story forward. It has a lot of qualities that reminded me of Up! and some parts of The Incredibles without directly being a rip-off of either of those. It’s its own thing, and I look forward to being able to watch it again on DVD/streaming.

***I know some of you kept reading anyway so for real, this is where I’m about to get into True Spoilers so save yourselves now y’allllllll***

Ultimately, this is a movie about legacy. Specifically, the legacy we want to leave our children (i.e. those who will come after us). I love the way this movie manages to take the existential crisis we face now in our blessed, beautiful world and condense it into a story where that issue of legacy, of our priorities, and of who we want to be is made clear.

Jaeger Clade is the society that brought us to where we are now. He’s a loud, brash, bush-whacking old man who’s driven to overcome obstacles. Searcher Clade is us now. Not looking to conquer for conquering’s sake, but complacent and only interested in continuing the status quo. He’s proud of what he’s made and sees no reason to change. Ethan Clade is who we should want to be. Someone looking for a third option, who wants to co-exist with the world around them, and be curious without being destructive.

These three outlooks correlate directly to the reveal that Avalonia is actually a living creature, and Pando is a disease that is literally wrapped around the living, beating heart of their world and slowly killing it. It was Jaeger’s drive to explore that led to the discovery of Pando. Searcher was unintentionally making the problem worse by growing more and more Pando to fuel their society. And throughout the movie, everyone is working together to save Pando, and it’s Ethan alone who tries to get them to stop and think more about what they’re looking at, and that things might not be as simple and straight-forward as they appear.

And this is why I think this movie is solarpunk, and not just aesthetically. Obviously, there are direct parallels to our use of fossil fuels, but I think it’s important that in the universe of Strange World, Pando is not an obvious poison or something they have to destructively mine to get. It’s a plant. Something that appears so innocuous at first, but under the surface, grows into a huge, overwhelming problem. No one is an evil bad guy looking to make profit off Pando or keep on destroying the world because it makes them money to do so. Everyone in the movie does what they do because they think they’re doing the right thing. What is the right and wrong answer isn’t always clear, and rather than being a result of them being outright evil, it’s just because they don’t fully understand the consequences.

While I was in the theater watching this, I thought about the Himalayan blackberries that have taken over the Pacific Northwest. It was introduced in the late 1800s by a botanist named Luther Burbank. He prized it for how much produce one blackberry bush could make in a single season, as opposed to the native blackberries that made smaller berries in smaller quantities. His intent was genuinely for the good. He wanted to propagate a crop that could accessibly feed the growing urban areas of the PNW. Create a food forest, in a sense. He sold the seeds because it was easy to grow and would feed people.

Obviously, it’s not bad to want to feed people. But now the damn plant has invested everything, and while the berries are still very much edible (and people do still eat them), it’s also created impenetrable thickets that kill everything around them and interfere with the ability of wildlife to get around. It got out of control. Even though the intent was meant well, the outcome created a problem that is now essentially impossible to overcome. People try anyway, because we have to, but the odds are not in our favor.

Solarpunk isn’t about growing more plants or having more trees in our cities or building solar panels and wind farms everywhere. Well, it’s not JUST that. Of course those things are good things, but every solution offered needs the proper context to work. And that’s the real nature of the movement, right? It’s finding solutions that lead to the best outcomes for everyone. Being invested in our world, learning about it, falling in love with it, discovering the intricacies of how everything is interconnected and how we fit into that. Everything we do will have inevitable impacts on everything around us, but what those impacts are can change radically depending on how carefully we consider our actions. We know we have to change. The question is, how do we change? How do we change for everyone?

And that is the ending message of the film. The heroes choose to save Avalonia. They destroy the Pando, knowing that it means they can’t have their society the way it was anymore. They choose that, because it is right to do. And the movie ends with the resilience of humanity as they come together and try to find a different solution to build their society on, the third solution of people like Ethan Clade who bring together the bravery and curiosity of Jaeger with the steadfastness and dedication of Searcher, and create a world that’s built on understanding and co-existence. In a world that constantly feels like it could teeter over at any minute, that’s a beautiful message to see in a goddamn Disney film.

P.S. I just want to say before I go that I really really really want Ethan’s boyfriend’s sweater. When you see it, you’ll understand, but I NEED the sweater in my life more than air.

[90shaladriel]

Writing Interview Tag Game

Thanks for tagging me @klynnvakarian !

About Me:

When did you start writing?

In my 30s I definitely made an attempt to write a "novel" and did some world building and a few pages of writing and it didn't go anywhere. Then Late 2022 after Rings of Power season 1 just joining the Haladriel fandom I read so much fic that I thought maybe I could do some as well. Got some encouragement from other haladriel writers (crucial for me)

Are there different genres or themes you enjoy reading other than the ones you write?

I love history and science non-fiction. I mostly am writing in the fantasy fan-fiction space, but I do like sci-fi as my first love.

Is there an author you want to emulate, or are compared to often?

I either consciously or unconsciously imagine I am writing in the voice that Frank Herbert used in the Dune series. Maybe mixed with some George RR Martin and a tinge of Tolkien.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Vast majority of my writing was on an iPad lying in my bed before sleep when no one needs my attention.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I usually write a chapter per month so it's just random thoughts or reminders while reading other fics which inspire me to write a snippet here or there when I have the energy.

The other big muse I've found in recent months was actually listening to or reading Tolkien books: "The Silmarillion", "Beren and Luthien" and "Fall of Gondolin" the beautiful prose and the rich lore just sparks new ideas I want to try to play off of or emulate in my own fics.

Are there any reoccurring themes in your writing? If so do they surprise you?

I always like stories of characters that are beaten down, up against the world, maybe a little unappreciated, but not giving up. Even if they cannot win they try their best and work hard. A lot of sadness too. I don't express much of that sadness IRL so that is a bit surprising.

Characters:

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character?

Tough call - probably the Lady of Light, Galadriel based on the ROP - characterization

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

Hmm, I'm not sure if I would be best friends but I think I would get along with Ereddâz, my Orc OC from A Lord and his Builder.

I think Galadriel would ignore me and Sauron would send me to his dungeons to be a thrall.

Which characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

Melkor from my First Fire in the Void fic

Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?

I touched on it above, I think I like writing characters that believe they are doing the right thing. I do not like writing characters that are specifically and intentionally bad. Even my villains have plausible motivations or perspectives to justify their actions.

How do you picture your characters?

Most of my writing is currently around the Rings of Power cast and that style.

I am dabbling with non-ROP fics, like First Fire in the Void and there I pictured Mairon based on a lot of fanart that basically draws him like a pretty woman with long red hair lol.

My Writing:

What’s your reason for writing?

A creative outlet. For years and years I would day dream my own stories, going back to when I was a kid, I was also a pretty decent DnD DM making up my own campaigns. I've often had dreams of telling stories by creating video games (I am a software dev professionally) but I usually get stuck on the actual technology side of creating a game and can never get to the creative side. By writing fic, I was able to just get my ideas out there without being held back by the lack of skills in other areas (game dev, art, making a story interactive and still make sense)

Is there any specific comment or type of comment from readers that you find particularly motivating?

Ive gotten a few amazing comments that say this is their favorite fic and I can't believe it since I just write one of many thousands of fics so I feel honored, and for my WIPs a little pressured, to produce more at that level.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I want to write stories other people like, I do think about how can I make a story original in a way no one else does? What's a premise no one else has or could be done differently?

But really I am mostly writing stories that I like?

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I think putting my characters through emotionally charged or traumatic events where they have realistic responses or reactions that I or I think readers might relate to emotionally.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I read other writing and it feels so polished and natural. I often feel like I am "emulating good writing" rather than being a good writer myself. I like my stories and plots but I am not always impressed by the words on the page after writing them. Sometimes I just give up during editing and just post and people seem to like it enough.

When you write are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, do you write purely for yourself, or is it a mix of both?

AS I was saying I do think about the readers and I'm surely influenced by what I see in the community and what people respond to but every single idea is a kind of "wouldn't this be cool" idea I have myself first and then I judge how much I think other people would also find it to be cool or enjoyable. That part I sometimes guess at or things resonate with others that I didn't expect

No pressure tags!

@eowyn7023 @demonscantgothere @cliffdivingsblog @pursuitseternal @theriverwild

[nomouthedscream]

PREFACE: I AM A JAIDEN ANIMATIONS FAN, THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE A HATE POST OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, ITS JUST MY SUBJECTIVE FEELINGS AND SORT OF MUSINGS

Watched jaidenanimation's new video earlier today, and Im torn. Cause on one hand I feel really happy for her for having made it to 10 years, and I understand the desire to do something else after having done a job for a while, to just relax and be yourself and possibly even rediscover yourself. But also the life she described after youtube is just not a realistic one, even for normal people. Part of the reason the job market is so utterly dogshit is because they work really hard to try and pidgeonhole you into certain positions and actively punish you for going against it. An increasing number of companies are requiring 2-3 years work experience for entry level positions (I wish I was kidding). They don't like it when your most recent job was in a different industry, even if it was for college. And any sort of gap in employment is blamed upon your laziness and lack of work ethic.

And colleges get increasingly pickier about your qualifications and if you should get money the older you are because they want that space youre taking up for some 18 year olds who don't know how to bargain or finacially plan well. My college has a secondary college specifically for "adults" (people over 22). Ive only met about 10 people over 22 in classes, and all of them were seeking masters, doctorates, or work certifications. I have only ever met 2 people over 30 who I took classes with, one seeking a masters while the other was working towards getting a work certification. There are people out there who get bachelors late or second ones after their first set, but they are a rare breed, and often times they either have to have a lot of money on hand or have to be willing to go into debt.

And if you go the self owned buisness route, you have the exact same problem that jaiden complained about with youtube, which is that it never actually leaves your mind, it is always there, a shadow at the edge of your vision.

I just, I dunno, I love Jaiden's content and I'm really happy for her, and I think its kinda sweet she idolizes the simple life. But I also think this video sort of epitomizes the fact that the people who got to make youtube a full time job sort of believe they live in a different world totally separate from ours, and they don't really know what normal is, at least not at the point jaiden's at. It felt like when cottagecore was really popular and people talked about the ideal of "the simple life" or when people were obsessed with van life and a bunch of people then had to come out and say "NO, ITS NOT ALL SUNSHINE AND ROSES". Youtube is a job that changes your lifestyle, but so is... any job. My friend whos gonna start student teaching next semester feels like they can't swear anymore or else theyre gonna slip up. My friend who works as an auctioneer basically has no time for his social life anymore. I constantly have work and college looming in my mind, and I've been repeatedly told to be prepared to dedicate all my time to my work since Im going into a stem field. Its all just sort of a part of growing up and taking on adult life. It's just all work in one form or another. It's incredibly difficult to genuinely retire at a young age now adays so if you want to no longer do a job you're going to have to switch instead. And there is no shame in wanting a job change, but it is always important to recognize what such a change will entail and if you're willing to undergo the hardship you will have to endure to get any sort of reward from it. So... yeah.

Tldr: Jaiden's new 10 year anniversary video reminded me that people really do think the grass is greener on the other side.

[likeadog]

making a copy of this bc op disabled reblogs and i just got reminded it existed and would like to not lose it

ok so . im outing myself to the world but thats fine this is too funny to not share

so. ive run a roleplay blog for a few years. i keep it separate from my main, yknow, its just a side hobby and ive been doing it since i was like, 12. its cringe but hey yknow at least im not 30 and writing ya novels

now its pretty common for rp blogs these days to have rules. right? you dont want to just bag any weirdo on this website, and as you can imagine bnha roleplayers are batshit crazy (see: conversion therapy todoroki) so mine are pretty strict and detailed. because ive been doing it long enough to be exposed to what counts as carbon monoxide poison from a screen. one of those rules is "if youre mutuals with people who write porn of the kids even aged up im blocking you we're keeping a ten foot pole on this". because as a 20 year old man i have a healthy disinterest in seeing paragraphs of teenagers fucking

so the dash is astir with talk of a guy writing age up bakugou porn and im like ok whatever. make a post bitching about it . mutual likes those posts but then the mutual is turning around and being buddy buddy with this guy so i dm the mutual like hey whats going on here . mutual is like "well why dont you talk it out with him hes not as mean as he seems i prommy" and im like sure whatever i can have civil conversation and if it ends with One Less Person writing weirdo porn then i might be able to get into heaven

so i dm him and he loses his fucking mind. it lasted all of 10 minutes because he was sending paragraphs like this and i was too tired to give a shit

(take note of my icon thats a special tool thatll help us later)

(also he goes by the name rxgelord. WITH the x. thats also important just because its funny as fuck)

so the guys clearly bothered by the idea that people might possibly talk about him without his permission and im a little miffed after being misgendered (which hed do again later) so i just post our dms. swing first and hey batter batter lets play ball i dont give a shit this is bnha roleplay

once again: loses his damn mind. he makes a psa post about me talking about how im just some pussy infant and hes too HARD for me and shit and also they do bakudeku muffin roleplay in the comments of that post which is fucking insane

anyway. at one point while joking about the whole thing i called him a "wannabe bakugou kinnie" as a joke and apparently he felt a very serious need to address this

and im like holllllllllllllly fucking shit

you may have noticed that his posts are incredibly over-formatted. this goes for everything he does he is pouring a LOT of time and energy into typing his 9 paragraphs about how im an insane bitch or whatever. (if theres literally one thing i can give him credit on its that his graphic editing skills are kinda good. i will be honest) his rules document is also just as insane and features gems such as:

(this dude thinks hes pulling bitches on a bnha roleplay blog)

so we're just full on ragging on him at this point and hes getting MADDDDDDD MAD. he misgenders me again and when i point it out he has the following excuse:

(art by @/pcktknife. anyways)

after a certain point i get dmd an old copy of a 130+ page callout he had a year prior and im like WHAT and it included his yugioh rp blog career and various allegations like having been involved in gang violence, doxxing, etc. also a picture of the hickies he bragged about leaving on his uwu pink glitter gf which looked more like he was trying to go for the killing bite but hey. yknow. apparently im a toddler idk how that works

along in this we also find his twitch account, which was under the name rxgelord, and it featured edited graphics of his real life face with bakugou. he posts selfies a lot too i wont share them even if theyre public but he has knuckle tats and a goatee and uses the greyscale filter. if this gives you an idea. he also had 5 twitch followers and detailed his desire to be a rapper/dj and im like holllllly fucking shit this guy cant be a real person. holy fuck.

anyways. skipping a lot of unnecessary bullshit and paragraphs of text with gifs from 2013 attached hes constantly going on about how we wont just "say it to his face" which i think is hilarious bc i was, the entire time. but im like ok fine you want me so bad

so i send him this. he posts about how "he won when he got all might" (for some reason hes calling my ex mutual by the character name. i dont know) and then hasnt posted in 4 days. he deleted his twitch. im a little worried bakugou. dont say that. may have actually chased this man off the internet . to go have real life sex with his real life girlfriend so he isnt so mad

anyway we ended up turning one of his posts into an eminem uberduck

im honestly probably forgetting something this was so much and it was so fucking funny and honestly im glad to have been there

update: he has not in fact posted since last summer. god bless.

[schizononagesimus]

can i ask what you're withdrawing from? no matter what substance it's so hard. wishing you a smoother ride <3

Like, everything, dude. It was bad. I wasn't planning on being specific about it but like, that was just out of shame and shame is for losers which I am decidedly not, so. Long post incoming, and a lot of information you didn't ask for. I know so, so many people who say that they use too much of their substance of choice and have tried and failed to stop that I just felt the need to really elaborate... plus, it serves as a reminder for me as to why I'm quitting.

Right now I'm struggling with coke withdrawal because I caved literally the day after I started trying to get sober (my roommate gave me a talk about the possibility of transference to worse shit shortly after I declared cold turkey, and well... Sorry if you're reading this, nawee, you were right and I'm trying and I very quickly learned and I'm sorry for being too scared to tell you).

Everyone where I live does coke like drinking fucking water and it's super normalized if you go to bars or parties or clubs or like, fucking anywhere really. Always wanted to try it, did that a year ago, NOPE. Not even once. Don't fuck with coke, kids. Especially when it's so available. And don't be naïve and say you just need to hang out with "the right people" because this can happen to ANYBODY. One moment of hedonistic indulgence and you're fucked.

And that's without the coke being cut with fent, which... mine might've been, man, I've had coke cravings before but never anything this bad. I was being stupid and snorted coke from someone I don't know because I was down for anything because my brain was just screaming at me (if you know what OCD thoughts feel like, drug cravings feel a lot like that). I dunno what a speedball feels like because I'm not a coke connesieur--that's me with weed and shrooms--so I really don't know what I took, and that's like harm reduction 101- know what you're taking, and who you're getting it from. I should also note, I don't even fucking like coke, it was just there so my brain said "why not" (which is generally my attitude to free drugs, which is very very bad).

Anyway, so on to what else was the problem! Why did I need to get sober to start with? Well, I was smoking enough weed that I started to puke every time I did it, and then I greened out in class (see why no one here can know who I am in the academic world?). That was when I realized I had a problem. I was smoking so much weed before class because, to quote the post I literally made just before making this decision: "ive experienced such vile antisemitism in my queer studies class this year that im [...] going to class high...", which essentially amounts to "I am so afraid I need to not feel in order to function." I have no idea if I had anyone in that class fooled as to why I was so fucked up, but I did feign food poisoning after I left the classroom to lie on the cold tile of the public university bathroom and a woman saw me lying there over a toilet and asked if I was okay. The moment I lied was the moment I noticed something was very deeply wrong and had been for a while. I was so sick I considered taking myself to hospital. When I started coming to after coming home and passing out for hours, I remembered why I started doing drugs to start with: they're fun. This wasn't fun anymore.

But with weed, man, I've been smoking weed since I was 15. There was just nothing else to do in my hometown. I never smoked much, and I always knew what I liked because I've been smoking pot for over a decade. I don't even really like weed highs that much; literally it is just something to do when you're bored. Another rule of doing drugs "safely" (there is no safe way to do drugs, only safe-r ways) is don't do them because you're bored or sad or avoiding something etc. I was all three of those things, plus just trying to feel anything but the constant stress and fear. Did I realize something was wrong when my grandpa offered me weed and I felt so relieved to just get high after being sober the whole trip? No, of course not.

So then we can talk about the fact that I was getting nearly blackout drunk twice a week. Genuinely, I'd been trying to drink less prior to this. I had started having really bad stomach problems every time I drank especially wine, so I was trying to cut down (fun fact, this was likely a result from drinking too much in the first place, and I'm very glad I listened to my body). The problem? I don't back down from a challenge. I'll chug anything. If I'm drunk enough, I'm the challenger. I'm the guy who finishes people's drinks because they "know I can" and get me to drink more. Don't even get me started on the fact that people love giving me free drinks for being charming and talented (I... I wish I was kidding but that's just what I've been told). But basically, I see drinking like a competition, and I have two separate friend circles who like to go out every week, ergo, getting properly shitfaced twice a week. Luckily because I had been cutting back, alcohol is the least of my problems right now, it's more the social element that's dangerous and I need to be changing where and how I hang out with people, too. Fun fact: I can drink alone because I don't actually like being drunk (another pro tip- if you don't like how something feels, maybe don't do it!), I just think beer tastes nice, so I'll have one with a meal once in like a literal blue moon (haha... ha. Get it.) Another scary story for you, a friend of mine who is virtually a drinking buddy (red flag #1 and, list of relationships I need to change) and I were drinking at her house (red flag #2) and she invited a new person to introduce me to after taking us outside to smoke a buncha pot (substances in my body at this point: 2) and some cigarettes (substances: 3, red flag #3). I don't even like being crossfaded literally at all (I don't like being drunk or weed high so??? Why would I do this??? The answer is addiction but we're getting to that). I was already very drunk, and beginning to get nauseated from the weed thanks to my new problem when the usually-pleasant dizziness of cigarettes kicked in as we took the lift up to my friend's apartment. My introduction to this new person she was having me meet was me excusing myself to throw up in the bathroom at like 4pm on a Sunday. There is a time and a place, and this was not it.

So let's take a tally: so far, we're at three substances, with two left to go.

Cigarettes. I've learned a lot of people don't even think of them as a drug, which is kind of fucking insane, considering... well, everything about them. I started smoking a little over a year ago because I always thought I'd like it (we'll get into some mild pathology shortly), then continued because it was fun and accessible, and then by October I was smoking more and more because of unavoidable stress (gee I wonder what happened in October that could've caused that!). I was smoking so much that I was smoking through having the fucking FLU and while marching myself to the urgent care for tamiflu I chainsmoked so much I puked in the urgent care for what I lied and told them was "unrelated to why I was there." I only starting smoking more after that. Now, I've never been a pack-a-day type, but once I'd hiked my way up to smoking five a day and feeling absolutely nothing from it--just doing "maintenance"--I wanted to smoke less so it could become fun again. I should also note that I did restrict myself in some ways with cigarettes, because I wouldn't smoke after like, 8pm unless it was a night out because they made me too wired to sleep. Quitting cigarettes has been the hardest thing (which is what everyone says), but it's even harder because 1) they literally help you quit the harder stuff (another fun fact, cigarettes make you crave alcohol and weed less, I saw it in an NIH study somewhere (I can't find it bc I'm bad at Words to do the Google thing); problem is that conversely drinking makes you want to smoke and smoking makes you need to drink more to feel drunk) and 2) This is the one drug I actually genuinely like, and I don't intend on quitting it fully, I just want to reframe it as a fun thing not a maintenance thing, which is really difficult because see point #1.

And finally, shrooms. These guys genuinely were a good idea, for a while. Seriously- shrooms helped me a lot. I take certain medications which happen to prevent or stop bad trips, so I only ever had a good time... for a while. It helped me work out a lot of emotional stuff. No hangover, would feel great for days after... And then I started doing them everyday because I was in the middle of such a bad bipolar episode that I was either manic or suicidal one minute to the next and totally spiralled out of control. I barely even remember those weeks, I just remember not being able to walk hardly because I was so high, crying myself to sleep because I didn't want to be high anymore, I just wanted to be happy. The thing is about shrooms is that they'll only amplify whatever you've got going on, which I consciously knew, but you're not thinking logically when you're in the middle of a bipolar swing. I tried doing them every other week after that, and eventually stopped entirely when I finally realized it wasn't helping. And yes- I was following microdosing advice, it just super isn't for me. I settled on doing one trip a month, which really did help my mental health for a time, but it was just a bandaid, like any addiction is. Then when I started having my additional addiction issues come to fruition I started taking shrooms to go out, and man, taking shrooms as a party drug is so not the move because they're so wonderfully meditative, but I was taking them just because I had some on hand. You can see where the drug problem was starting to be realized. I still genuinely think shrooms can be great but 1) sparingly 2) in the right environment 3) not as an unsupervised mental health aid (especially if you have bipolar). This period of time was really when I started expressing addictive behaviours in a serious way, I think.

I can spot about sixty different reasons I ended up here. Trauma's a good start. Birth father was a serious addict and so was my mom, and later in life my parents were teetotallers because of it. I straight up just thought drugs seemed like a good time because I got into rave music and metal via scene kid culture in like 2010 (which I am still into those things and god it's not helping). Potential of partying in undergrad dashed by lockdown, saved for graduate school emotional breakdowns. Bipolar disorder. Being an academic should be on the list for things that might make you addiction prone, good lord (and not to mention cigarettes being part od the classic academic and poet aesthetics, both of which I am). I like going clubbing and dancing and raves. And really, I just always knew I'd like drugs, had a bucket list of ways I wanted to experience them, and so when I had the ability to do so, I did. Truthfully though, I don't regret any of this. I got the experiences I wanted, and I'm facing the consequences, but for me, that's part of life; there's no use in regretting your actions having very obvious and predictable consequences, like, once it's done, it's done.

Now I'm in the position of smoking half a cigarette a few times a day so I don't take a shitton of benadryl or literally slit my wrists. Now I say that second part very specifically because cutting is also an addiction, and something I have been trying not to do for most of my entire life. Trauma's a bitch like that, and many other comorbidities. I'd avoided cutting entirely until a couple weeks ago and I scared myself so shitless with it that I did a buncha drugs instead! Holy shit, but like... Better? I guess? Basically, I'm so afraid of the world that I'd rather not experience it at all, but I don't actually want to die, so instead I just have to microdose self-destruction so I can feel in control of the fear. See how that sentence could've been about, say, alcoholism or cutting?

My goal is not to be totally clean forever; I do just really like cigarettes and a good beer occasionally, I just don't want it to be a coping mechanism, I want it to be fun, and I want to be alive.

Thank you and everyone for your kind words recently, it has genuinely made getting through this so much easier.

And yes, I'm seeking professional help.