#it’s so interesting because i do think my mental health has been seriously declining as the months go by this year but april…….

[old-cranky-and-right]

When I initially created this tumblr, I had a point to make; something I wanted to express and get off my chest.

In 2022, someone decided, out of the blue, to reblog something I’d posted six months earlier. Although they allegedly wanted a discussion, their profanity laden screed wished for me to spend the rest of my life suffering in a living hell.

Why?

Because I dared to say that human rights belong to all humans - even the ones who aren’t wanted, disabled, or whatever.

I made the mistake of responding politely, attempting to explain my position.

This led to another round of angry ranting, which included an explicit affirmation of everything they’d said before.

Understandably, I responded that if they were going to act like a toddler, they were welcome to do so - on their own tumblr. And so I blocked them.

That should have been the end of it, but it turns out that they have a reasonably large following, and I spent the next few weeks deleting the messages the sycophants flooded my inbox with.

I’d already concluded that pro choice advocates have no morals, but this particular incident provided more than enough proof.

After a few days away from tumblr, I decided to split things - move the political stuff over to a new account and keep most of my other stuff elsewhere.

So here we are. A year later, and all that’s really happened is that the names have changed. Nobody is really debating anything; the pro life crowd has continued to repeat the same points, and the pro choice crowd keeps saying that we should be raped or be given “healthcare”.

The only real change is that my mental and emotional health has declined, mainly because of all the negativity I’ve been exposing myself to on this account, reading about politics and threads where pro aborts prove that they aren’t interested in things like honesty, integrity, and morality, as long as they can tell someone else to go fuck themselves.

This account is also a reminder of what happened last year, which has kept the event fresh in my mind all year long. I don’t like holding grudges, and that’s essentially what I’ve been doing since this account was created.

So I’ve been seriously thinking of closing down this account, or at least signing off and never logging back in again.

I’ll give it a few more days before I act, but that’s the plan. This is one chapter of my life I think would be better off closed.

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Hiii!! I really love your tumblr posts and I'm pretty new to the Batfam (meaning I have only read fics and textposts about them, no comics) and I wanted to ask about the year Bruce/Batman gets "lost in time". I know general things of what the kids have been doing–Dick became batman and fired Tim from robin, giving it to Damian, everyone thinking Tim was crazy for believing Bruce was alive, (don't really know what Jason was up to though, was he still murderous towards Tim? Does the pit still affect him? Also I have no idea about Cass and Duke, were they introduced at this point??) Anyways, my real question was why was Bruce lost in time, what villain put him there? And how did he get out? And how long was he "dead"? Was Bruce in another reality or like just asleep the whole time? Oh! And how soon did this happen after Damian got introduced to the family–a couple months?

I'm so sorry this is so long, but I hope you answer and thank you!!

(I’m going to try and cover all my bases here by going into how exactly Bruce “died,” what went down during the Battle For the Cowl, what the Batkids did while Bruce was gone, and how Bruce came back. Hopefully it all makes sense?? We’ll see how it goes lmao.)

Part 1 - What Happened to Bruce:

So there was this event called Final Crisis (which I won’t go completely into since it would make this post a million times longer than it already is), but the bottom line is that Darkseid wants to overthrow reality and release his Anti-Life Equation, which would overthrow the whole planet and turn everyone into slaves. (If you’re interested in knowing more about the storyline, here’s a Reddit thread that explains it WAY better than I could.) 

What I CAN tell you is that during his final confrontation with Darkseid, Bruce is hit by an Omega Beam and turned into a burnt chicken nugget killed. Poor guy.

Final Crisis #6

Clark and Diana bring the body back to the Batcave and break the news to the Batfamily. Batman #687 covers a good portion of the aftermath such as Bruce’s funeral, the Batfamily grieving, and Dick coming to terms with his new responsibility of becoming Batman.

Batman #687

Part 2 - Battle For the Cowl: 

Musical chairs time, fellas! After word gets out that Batman is gone, Gotham erupts into chaos. Dick doesn’t want to take over the mantle, Tim needs Dick to take over the mantle, and Jason says “fuck it” and takes over the mantle himself because somebody around here has to. He becomes this murderous psychopathic Batman and starts taking out criminals with deadly force because someone’s gotta do the job, so it might as well be him.

Batman: Battle For the Cowl #1

(Okay honestly, this series had some pretty bad characterization overall, which sucks since it’s such an important storyline. Jason is portrayed as this violent psychopath, which...okay, he was kind of insane after the Pit and all, but not to this degree. Personally, I choose to owe the bad characterization to Bruce’s death because as much as Jason resents Bruce for all he’s done, he does still love him and losing him would be devastating, which would exacerbate his already fragile mental health. As for Damian, this happens roughly three years after his first appearance, so we can assume it’s been a few months since he first joined the family. He’s still relatively new at this point, so nobody knows how to write him yet. He ends up being depicted as if his main two personality traits are Bratty and Assassin-Child and that’s it. It’s all just a mess.)

Anyway, Tim tells Dick to become Batman and stop Jason’s reign of terror. Dick says no, so Tim follows Jason’s lead by saying “fuck it” and putting on the cowl himself. He goes to confront Jason, which ends in Jason beating the crap out of him (again) and leaving him for dead after Tim declines his offer to become Jason’s Robin. Dick goes to save Tim and ends up fighting Jason. 

Battle For the Cowl #3

Dick wins, Jason disappears, Tim is fine, and Dick finally gets his head out of his ass and becomes Batman. 

Part 3 - What Happens to Each Batkid While Bruce is “Dead”?:

Dick: 

As I said, Dick becomes the new Batman a month after Bruce’s death. He’s got big shoes to fill, and it takes some time for him to get used to his new role. He and Damian end up flipping around the classic Batman and Robin dynamic, with Batman now as the fun counterpart to Robin’s edginess. Dick, Damian, and Alfred relocate to the penthouse above the Wayne Foundation building, operating out of a secret Bat-Bunker in the basement.

Batman #688

Jason: 

After Battle For the Cowl, Jason is still batshit insane and determined to make Dick’s already stressful life even harder by becoming a supervillain with an ugly costume and an even uglier hairstyle. (I know it’s just because the artist sucked, but still. Jason is horrifying to look at during this time.) He mostly just gets on Dick’s nerves by running around Gotham with his new sidekick Scarlet and killing criminals as Batman and Robin wannabes. Eventually, Dick has Jason committed to Arkham Asylum and he hangs out there until Bruce returns.

Batman and Robin (2009) #5

Tim: 

Tim...doesn’t do great after Bruce’s death, mentally. Dick makes Damian Robin, his reasoning being that Robin is more of a sidekick and he sees Tim as his equal. By making Damian Robin, Dick hopes that it will give him the stability he needs to keep him from straying back toward the “bad” side. (It’s the right move ultimately, although his execution was pretty messed up since he didn’t discuss it with Tim beforehand, but he’s allowed to make mistakes. Dick’s father just died and now he’s in charge of picking up the pieces of their broken family. It’s a lot to handle.) 

Long story short, Tim has a breakdown, realizes that Bruce is alive, dons the Red Robin identity, and cuts ties with his family to travel the world in search of proof. It’s a rough time. 

Red Robin #1

Damian: 

Our little guy becomes Robin! So proud of him! As I explained earlier, Dick makes Damian his Robin with the assumption that it will keep him out of trouble, and he’s right on that account. He mentors Damian, teaching him how to channel his violent instincts into something productive, and it works! Slowly but surely, Damian makes the transition from bratty assassin to actual hero!

Batman and Robin (2009) #22

Cass:

Duke sadly was not introduced at this point in time, so he missed out on all the pandemonium. Cass, however, has been Batgirl for years by now, but she got kind of pushed aside by the writers after Bruce’s death. Bruce disappears shortly after adopting Cass, but once he was “dead,” the writers sort of moved Cass around for a while, not quite knowing what to do with her. First she was with the Outsiders. Then they got disbanded and Cass tried forming a new network of heroes to take over for Batman if needed. Then she helped out in said network during Battle for the Cowl, taking care of a newly ravaged Gotham. Then Cass gave the Batgirl mantle to Stephanie Brown after she became disillusioned with the role, thanks to the loss of her father and mentor. Then Cass picked up and moved to Hong Kong to “follow Bruce’s plans” by continuing whatever work he had set up for her there. It was all very vague and confusing, and Cass more or less got swept under the rug during this time. Thanks, writers.

Batgirl (2009) #1

Part 4 - How Bruce Came Back: 

When the Blackest Night storyline happens, the Justice League realizes that the corpse buried under Bruce’s grave is apparently not the real one and that he’s actually alive out there somewhere! How wild is that! This is further proven by Dick after he places Bruce’s body in a Lazarus Pit to revive, which has the same result because it’s very clearly Not Bruce and they should have listened to Tim from the start.

Batman and Robin (2009) #9

Anyway, what actually happened is that the Omega Beams that Darkseid shot at Bruce didn’t kill him, but rather blasted him back through time to the prehistoric era with his memories wiped. The Omega Energy inside of Bruce ends up catapulting him through various time periods, which is all part of Darkseid’s plan. With each time-hop, Bruce builds up more Omega Energy in his body which, when he gets back to his original time period, will be unleashed and destroy everything.

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #5

It’s been a little under two years since Final Crisis, though in-universe it’s uncertain exactly how long Bruce has been “dead.” We can assume it’s been a year, give or take. The way he comes back is too scientific and complicated for me to understand, so uhhhh the bottom line is that Tim and a few Leaguers save Bruce at the Vanishing Point and the day is saved! Hooray! 

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #6

(If you want to read about how it actually goes down, then I seriously recommend reading Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne. It’s only six issues, so it’s a quick read and it explains the situation far better than I ever could.)

Bruce eventually reunites with his family after spying on them for a period of time as Insider to see what has changed in his absence:

Bruce Wayne: The Road Home

After that, things quickly settle back into their new normal. Dick and Damian stay on as Batman and Robin. Bruce goes back to being Batman as well, with him handling Batman Incorporated business and Dick continuing as Gotham’s defender. Tim keeps the Red Robin outfit, Steph stays on as Batgirl, and Cass becomes Black Bat. Jason stays in Arkham for a while before filing an appeal to be moved to a regular prison. He kills 82 inmates in less than a week and gets transferred back to Arkham, which he promptly escapes from. It’s a ride, I tell ya.

Aaaaand that’s about it! I hope this answered all of your questions!

[shatteredatthealtarofwinchester]

Umm, wait. It's more a 15x20 rant than an analysis. I'll call it... a ranalysis. 😏

I just saw J*reds last online panel again, where he called the finale "magical full circle storytelling". 15x20 is his "favourite episode ever" because he "is a fan of good storytelling". Uh-huh... Okay. So the following just was built on pure rage. This makes it more of a rant than an analysis. As usual. You guys know me.

Well. There are various possibilities here, Jared. Possibility A is, you are lying, what I do not believe. To lie that obvious you have to be a talented actor, which you are not. Possibility B is, you really think that way. You believe, the finale was "magical full circle storytelling" and you actually loved it, it was indeed your favourite episode. This again brings me to the only conclusion: You have no fucking idea about good storytelling, not even decent storytelling.

Lets look at every single ending, shall we?

Dean. We all know you think Deans death was a "success story." You think that Dean "ultimately gave his life for his number one on planet." I am sitting here, laughing in pain. First of all, let me say that Dean didn't died for Sam, Jared. He didn't took a bullet for Sam or sacrificed himself or whatsoever. He died in the most ridiculous accident I've ever seen. But lets go back to the very start.

Dean’s childhood was highly abusive. Dean was 4 years old when he saw his mother burning alive and learned that monsters are real. In that age he developed PTSD and stopped talking. Dean had a childhood with a father that was an alcoholic and physically and mentally abusive, who had believed that Dean had a “killer instinct". When Dean was about 6 years old, John forced him into a nurturing role for Sam. In the same age Dean was forced into the soldiers role as well when John taught him how to shoot and hunt. Dean had to obey orders without questioning. If he acted “out of line,” (aka something John didn’t like) John chewed him out or left them alone. Dean was trained to be Daddy’s blunt instrument. Dean gave up his own life to keep Sam safe, because he had no other choice. More than a brother Dean had to be a father and a mother to Sam. He suppressed everything, every psychological pain, every emotion, he just lived to protect Sam and to obey as Johns blunt soldier. Short: Dean gave up HIMSELF for Sam and John. Not because Dean wanted to, because he was forced into it! Dean hated himself, he was suicidal. He was convinced he isn’t worthy of anything, especially not being loved. Dean never had a life for his own, never had a choice, never had a chance, never had own original thoughts, never felt safe or loved. He was used to being left. He felt like he was nothing. Worthless. He was dead inside. Broken. You get what I mean, Jared? Since you own a mental health campaign, you should. And guess what Dean did? He kept fighting. Despite everything, he kept fighting. And his mindset slowly changed. He understood that his father was an abusive bastard, he unterstood that he was forced into a life he never wanted. He understood that he is more than that, that he is not like John. He changed. He opened up. He even wanted to retire. And now it gets interesting, because something happened that REALLY is the start of magical full circle storytelling. Something in Deans mind clicked while Cas' confession. His confession was fundamental to Dean to finally accept his own goodness and the value of his life and love, of his identity. It was the moment of breaking free of the structure that had controlled and corrupted him his entire life. It was the only way out of his abusive and traumatizing cage to experience something for his own the very first time. For the first time in his life he had a chance. A choice. The start of his very own life. Free will, baby! Well, no. Because exactly in that moment he stumbled into a nail and died. Do you even realize how dumb this is? Do you even realize what you did? Wait, it gets worse. Yeah, that's possible, even if you dont believe it. In heaven he goes right back to the life he has spent his whole journey learning to free himself from: Left only with the persons he had been forced, time and time again, to sacrifice his identity, goals, and soul for. None of the family, support, or love, nothing he has built or chosen for himself remains. This is not magical full circle storytelling, Jared. This is abysmal pointless butchering. This has NOTHING, not a single percent of magical or good storytelling! YOU call that magical? YOU call that a success? Seriously, what shit are you on? If it would've been full circle storytelling, there is not one single fucking possibility that Dean would've died in the end. I don't know whats going on in your twisted brain, but Deans death never was and never will be a success. To make it magical full circle storytelling, he MUST have been the one who survives and overcomes his trauma (and raise a certain someone from perdition.)

Sam. He's actually the one who kinda got the best ending, huh? I mean, it was fucking horrific, but it was the best if you compare it to the others. When Sam was young, he wanted a normal life far away from hunting, while the truth is, Sam always was more like John than Dean ever will be. Over time his mindset clearly changed. He even said: "When Dean came to get me at school, I told myself, one last job, you know, (...) it was always one more job and then I was gonna go back to law and to my life. I guess, I really understand now that THIS is my life. And I love it." Sam couldn't imagine a normal life anymore. He had the chances for that and he declined. He loved hunting. He loved working and making progress with the BMOL, he very much enjoyed being a MOL and even took the lead often. I can clearly picture Sam as the lead of a rebuilt version of the MOL, that would've made sense. What did Sam get? Right, the ending he didn't wanted anymore, but since we yeet every single development of every single character out of the window, Sam has to be Season 1 Sam again, BUT with a fancy party wig! And there he is! And what a happy life he lives, exactly what he wanted, woohoo! So much joy, so much fun! Oh look, there is BlurryWife™, who Jared made sure is not Eileen, because “Dean wouldn’t want Sam to be with Eileen”. But wait, didn't Dean wanted Sam to be with Eileen? Didn't Dean literally said: "If it was to work, Eileen, you know... She gets it, she gets us, she gets the life. You could do worse. And she could certainly do better, like SO much better. I'm happy for you, Sammy." Yeah, NO. This was just a writing AND acting AND producing mistake and had no matter at all. *cough* So... As you can see, magical storytelling strikes again. I can feel the magic, I can feel the full circle, it's... Amazing...

Castiel. Castiels story was magical, it was mindblowing. I've never in my entire life seen such a meaningful and deep storyline and I mean this. It's fucking massive. There is this blunt angel soldier, one of the post powerful forces, who was built to blindly obey, who lived for aeons of years, who wasn't supposed to feel anything, but he fell for a broken, suicidal, abused human who never felt loved or worthy the very moment he touched him. He fell so hard he rebelled against his own race, against his own family, against everything he had without any safety. He was the ONLY one in Chuck-knows-how-many universes who GREW outside of Chucks CONTROL! His love was so fucking massive, it couldn't be controlled by the God who built every-fucking-thing. Chuck built millions(?) of parallel universes, heaven, hell, life, death, purgatory, the empty, he created every single being, the light, darkness, every single angel, demon, leviathan, monster, animal, plant, sea, blade of grass, every centimeter of mountains, the four seasons, emotions, what the fuck ever. Everything you can ever think of, Chuck created it. And he controlled it. In every single one of his fucking millions of universes. But not Castiel.This is actually not possible. You can't outrun god. You can't outrun the one who creates, writes and controlles everything. But Cas did. Out of love. And not only that, you also imply that what happened between Dean and Cas was the only thing  that was real. Everything else was corrupted, controlled, manipulated, written by Chuck. But what happened between Dean and Cas, he couldn't affect.

Seeing Cas standing there, crying, confessing his love to Dean actually even makes me think that Dean made Cas human. Dean completed Cas. Cas didn't simply said "I love you", he actually said "In all existing universes, in all millions, all aeons of years, you are my only happiness." And Cas completed Dean. He freed Dean. While Dean was used to being left, was used to feeling worthless and unlovable, Cas saw Dean exactly the way he is and chose to stay. With every obstacle, every difficulty he loved him even more and yes, freed him from the abusive structure that had controlled and corrupted him his entire life. Something that no one else could, not his parents, not Amara, not God, not even Sam. Beautiful, isn't it? Unique. Mindblowing. Pure. You enjoyed it? Let's fuck this up in 3...2...1...

Castiels story ended exactly the same way it started. A blunt angel who doesn't care about people and feelings, blindly carrying out instructions from a new God, obeying heaven. No progress. They threw away 12 years of character development and managed to give him the same stupid and senseless ending like they did with Dean. Dean died and Cas... Wasn't there?! WHAT!? There is no single fucking way Cas wouldn't save Dean or wouldn't be there when Dean enters heaven! There. Is. No. Fucking. Way! The way they represented Cas in the end doesn't only imply that Dean isn't important to Cas anymore, he even ended up exactly the same way as if Season 4-15 wouldn't have happened. The ending is exactly the same! He's with God in heaven, supporting him with instructions, not caring about anything else.

Okay, I got it. Summarizing you can say: Jareds "magical full circle storytelling" is to yeet 95% of the past 15 years. No other characters matter, the story itself doesn't matter, every single characters development doesn't matter, it even doesn't matter what the brothers really want, they don't get it anyway.

Okay. But that's not all. As if this wasn't bad enough, they didn't just butchered ... EVERYTHING, they also salted and burnt every single Mantra they ever stood for. I'll make these short, I promise!

Team Free Will. *snort* Dean couldn't escape his fate, he always believed he'll die on a hunt as Daddys blunt instrument and he did. He kept fighting to die exactly the way he felt he was "supposed to". Message? No matter how hard you keep fighting, no matter how long you'll keep it up, you can't escape your fate. Sam couldn't change his fate, he ended how he started. Cas couldn't change his fate, he ended how he started, same for Jack, he ended how he was supposed to. YEET THE FREE WILL, NONE OF THEM CAN CHANGE ANYTHING!

Family don't end with  blood. The biggest lie that has ever been told. Do I even have to explain that? No need, right? Don't make me wanna throw up again, please. We all know that 15x20 blasted "Family don't end with blood" in millions of pieces.

Always keep fighting. THE AUDACITY to praise that while Dean is dying! After everything Dean has dealt with, It makes me wanna scream. Dean kept fighting, he always kept fighting, no matter how hard it was, no matter what forced him to his knees, he stood up again, and if he wasn't able to stand up, he crawled. He kept fighting no matter what, despite everything. His mindset changed. He wanted to live, he wanted to experience things, feelings and people differently or even for the first time. He changed. He wanted to retire, toes in the sand. He knew he earned it. Thats why he kept fighting. For what? To die the very first moment he had a free will. To die the very first moment he had a choice, had a life to build for himself. Always keep fighting, but the moment you come close to what you want, what you fought for, you die. It's been more than 3 months and I am having tears in my eyes while typing this. As for Dean, no matter how hard you fight, no matter how long you fight, you don't reach what you deserve anyway. Give up. As for Sam, AKF leeds to Emptiness. Grief. Psychological Trauma. Mental illness. Absolutely nothing worth fighting for.

I wanna go cry now, bye.

[heliosthegriffin]

Jaune of the Dead II

  -------------- Two Hours earlier ------------

“C’mon Rubes, you can’t depressed all day just because you’re imaginary boyfriend ghosted you.” Yang said playfully to Ruby.

“He’s not imaginary! He’s taller than dad, blonde, and wears a white trench-coat, I keep telling you this! That the mean Schnee made me blow up, and then he showed up did a glowy thing, and I felt great! Then walked me to the place, and then disappeared like a ghost! Then I found out he supercharged my aura! How do think I could have done so well in Initiation!” Ruby said to her sister rapid-fire.

A tall redhead puts her hand on Ruby’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t sell yourself so short Ruby, accepting your successes is necessary for good mental health, and from what I saw was enough to put some huntsmen to shame.”

Ruby pouts. “Yeah, I know! The thing is I can’t one shot a Nevermore and fly on my own! The thing is I know how strong I am, and I am not strong enough to do those on my own!”

Yang and Pyrrha sigh. 

“Ruby, c’mon you’re awesome! You’re talented and you’re strong, so stop selling yourself short, wait never-mind that does apply to you.” Yang said with a shit-eating grin.

Ruby’s face was a brilliant red as she started pounding weakly against Yang’s arms. “Yannng! I drink milk, I’ll be tall one day!”

“If you say so, Rosebud.”

Pyrrha watched the exchange with a amused smile, feeling very pleased with her team so far.

She hadn’t expected to partner up with a prodigy and her sister, but destiny was full of twists and turns.

Many, many twists, like Yang’s partner and the leader of team BYRN.

Bleiss Schnee.

The notorious Black Sheep of the Schnee household and disowned daughter of Jacque Schnee for reason’s kept private, though considering what she heard of the man in the day she has known Bleiss, it didn’t paint flattering picture why he did what he did.

Who disowned their child based on appearance?

*BZZZ-BZZZ-BZZZZ*

*SNORE-SNORE*

The Black Sheep slept noisily in a dark corner of the room with her limbs thrown all across the bed as she slept under neath a black canopy bed with... her toys all still vibrating under her sheets.

A series of black glyphs floated menacingly around her bed as she slept.

Thankfully the curtains on the side of canopy bed only showed a hazy figure behind the curtains. 

Bleiss had made her team go out last night to celebrate making it through initiation. They had gone to club after club, well Yang and her did, Pyrrha and Ruby left not feeling comfortable on that scene.

Yang had come back to the dorm alone, as Bleiss wanted to find someone to ‘Break her in half while folding her legs over her head,” or to find “A soft little sub to break between her legs.”

Bleiss had somehow come back empty-handed and frustrated.

Then she brought out the toys.

It had been hours before she went to sleep.

She had no idea how Ruby slept through it all, especially Yang screaming bloody murder trying to break her glyphs, which when broken unleashed somesort of insect like grimm that stung Yang without mercy. 

Pyrrha was one-hundred percent sure that she started moaning louder to annoy Yang.

Thankfully, Ruby seemed to know what was going on. Apparently having walked in on Yang in a private moment before, but she still blushed red at noticing what her leader was doing calling it ‘Filthy.’

Pyrrha was also sure that it was a fools errand to try and wake her up for class. Bleiss had struck her as the type to have a couple trips up her sleeve. It did make Pyrrha ponder why she needed defenses why she slept though, but following those paths of thought those only led to dark explanations. Bleiss might make it clear one day if they grew close, and maybe, hopefully, it would have a more happy origin.

Bleiss had also made clear as leader of Team BYRN, she would go to class when she damn well felt like it. She had pointed out a loophole in the Beacon Rule book, apparently she could skip class as long as she maintained a 90% average in her classes, she could not be dropped from the classes. 

A rule that was normally reserved for 3rd and 4th years who often took missions and had spend time recovering and could not attend classes, so were normally given abridged lesson and makeup tests.

Pyrrha had no idea how she going to do it, but she’d try her best to support her leader.

Pyrrha looked back to her teammates, and hopefully friends.

Yang had gotten Ruby into a headlock and was rubbing her head with her knuckles.

“Ah! AH! AH! I yield, I yield!”

“Yeah, you do, who’s the big sister, I’m the big sister, woo-woo!”

Yang dropped Ruby to the ground, who then started pouting.

Then a look of realization hit her. “See that proves it!” Pyrrha raised a elegant brow towards Ruby. “Proves what?”

“That I didn’t do all that crazy awesome stuff at initiation on my own! If I could Yang wouldn’t be able to beat me up like that!”

Pyrrha gave it some thought she had a good point.

Yang flexed her arms. “I don’t though, maybe you’re just making it excuses.”

“Maybe you just a big head!”

Yang smirks at Ruby, and then cups her chest. “I got some big somethings!”

“Ah, Yang!”

Pyrrha shook her head at her teammates antics, then her internal clock told her they had around ten minutes before class started.

Pyrrha gently clapped her hands together, not loud enough to cause shock, but enough to gain attention.

“Ahem, I do believe we have classes soon.”

The sisters looked at each other and then started cleaning themselves up for class.

Ah, she could scarcely imagine the day becoming more interesting.

--- 10 minutes prior ---

Professor Port’s lesson was interesting if veiled behind misdirection. At first Pyrrha had considered that he might be a little self-absorbed, until she started listening closely. He was purposely distracting them with long-winded stories to test their observation skills, which if one actually paid attention to would start to reveal valuable information on Grimm.

Bleiss’s twin had also the same class period as them along with her team, SBRN, Saturn. It seemed Weiss went out of her way to ignore all of them expect Pyrrha, offering her hollow praise and empty compliments.

Pyrrha had politely decline her offer to take notes together. Her team seemed nice, but it was clear there was division among-st them.

Weiss then proved to be as superficial as Pyrrha thought, having clearly been taking notes but not understanding the subtext. Prof. Port had to step in once it was clear the Greater Borbatusk was too much for her, it’s armor plating across its back and head, remained unscratched till Prof. Port grabbed it by it’s tusk and flipped it, cutting it’s belly open.

“Well, children let this be a lesson to you all, that if nothing else remember you have room to grow! And to cut a Borbatusk across the belly! HO-Ho-ho!” Despite his cheery demeanor, Pyrrha couldn’t help but notice the glint of disappointment in his eyes.

Pyrrha wished she had imagined the pleased look in Weiss partner’s eyes at her failure, and her teammates apathy towards their leaders failure. What had she done to sow such discontent in her team?

The class was dismissed and they walked to their next class, a new one if rumors were true, one that had been set up merely a day ago before suddenly being added to their schedule.

What, a odd occurrence.

It was hosted by a new teacher too, one Pyrrha had never even heard of, or the seniors if the rumors where true. But, if the rumors were true, which they usually weren’t, he was the youngest teacher in Beacon history.

How exciting.

Pyrrha, Ruby, and Yang stood outside the door staring at Weiss with her teammates entering beside her.

“I see my sister is not coming to this class, either.”

“Nope.” Yang said popping the p.

Weiss gave them all a haughty look. “Fine by me, that noisy harlot is an annoyance anyway.” She gave Pyrrha a fake smile. “It’s not too late to make the best team in Beacon history,” She looked towards the sisters. “I don’t mind trading one of mind for her to join.”

Pyrrha felt a flash of anger inside her, that was mirrored on Yang’s face, but she quickly suppressed it. “I’m sorry, but,” She put a hand on Ruby’s shoulder, and gave Yang a winning smile. “I feel I’m already on Beacon’s best team.”

Weiss scowled and stomped into the classroom.

Yang simmered before tskking. “What’s her problem.”

“I sincerely have not idea.” Pyrrha actually did if one did consider what was heard about Jacque Schnee. But, best wait before jumping the gun.

“She’s shorter than me, she probably mad she doesn’t have enough milk.” Ruby said seriously.

A snorting laugh echoed out of Yang and Pyrrha.

Pyrrha wiped a tear out of her eye.

Yang laughed. “Yeah, I bet she doesn’t have enough milk!” Yang said giving Pyrrha a knowing nod.

“I’m glad you two understand the power of milk!” Ruby said going into the classroom.

Pyrrha and Yang followed in after Ruby, and where momentarily amazed by the interior of the classroom.

It was bigger on the inside, with shelves of books covering the walls, diagrams and maps covering the walls, not an inch of the room was bare. Where there were not diagrams and books, where glass-cases, and various objects, ranging from swords, glass shards, skeletons, and weird objects that Pyrrha couldn’t hope to identify.

This did not look like the work of a day or two, this room looked as though it had been used for years!

“Wow, impressive.” Yang said from beside her. Then she scowled. “Uh-oh, looks like we got trouble this period.” She said elbowing Pyrrha to get her attention to nod towards a group of people even Pyrrha had no tolerance for.

Team VMMP; Vampire.

Vernal Wennbar

Milita Malachite

Melanie Malachite

Neo Politan.

A team of thugs and low-lifers that had somehow managed to get into Beacon. 

Who, unfortunately had real skill to back up their attitude.

Yang squinted her eyes. “Something is off about them tho,”

Pyrrha had to blink thought to make sure they were the same team, though.

They were so quiet, and actually dressed for class.

Was.. Was Vernal wearing makeup?

No, she must be imagining things.

Pyrrha decided to ignore them and go sit with Ruby, Yang following behind her.

Then they waited, the class deathly quiet. 

Team VMMP unusually quiet had been more than enough to cow the others into silence.

6 minutes passed.

5 minutes passed.

4 minutes passed.

and soon it would be only one minute before class started.

Their teacher, who ever it might be, hadn’t appeared yet.

Then came the sound.

*Clack-Clack-Clack*

Of heavy shoes rhythmic hitting the floor.

It had started near the edge of their hearing, sounding as if it was coming from across the school. Only for it to grow louder and louder, becoming more noticeable till it was evident it was coming towards them.

10:00.

He entered exactly as the 9:59 went to 10:00, right on time.

A head of long, messy, blonde hair came through the doorway, the hair easily coming to his mid-back. His face sharp and judgmental, but looking handsome in a imperious way. Two deep blue bloodshot eyes scanned the room as he went in, underneath his eyes were deep black bags, that spoke of a lack of sleep.

His body language tense and wary, not that much of his body could be seen as hit was covered by a billowy white leather duster, which opened to reveal stained, faded, well worn, and stitched up work clothes and pair of heavy duty work boots.

A sheathed sword on his belt.

That’s not what drew Pyrrha’s attention to him though, no it was her semblance. He was wearing metal gauntlets too over his hands and had some sort of metal armor underneath his clothes or maybe worked into them.

He was also wearing five necklaces, had a dozen rings, and had nearly twenty pounds of things, Pyrrha couldn’t imagine what, stuffed into his pockets. And that was just metal! It wouldn’t surprise her if he had more in there made of other materials.

Why did he have all those things?

She then heard Ruby’s breath hitch. “That’s him!” Ruby whispered to her and Yang.

Before she cold react he spoke.

It was not what she expected.

It was quiet, very quiet, tired too, like he had just woken up. His voice was deep, but raspy like he had a cold. But it commanded attention and impossible to ignore as within its core was a razor thin edge of Power. Of something that made his voice make her her shiver and alert to him.

‘He is dangerous,’ Something insider her warned.

“My name is Jaune Arc, I am eighteen years old, and I will teach you all the in’s and out’s of advanced aura manipulation, Soul Theory, and defense against the Paranormal. Any questions?”

-----------------

9 years and 360 days ago

-----------------

Little Jaune Arc was on his own.

He didn’t get it.

He told his parents, but they laughed at him and told him everything was fine. There was no scary lady in his closet.

He told them again. They laughed again.

He told them everyday, but they weren’t laughing anymore, they were mad. 

They said if he kept making up stories for attention they’d ground him.

When he asked if he could sleep in their room, they said he was a big boy and had to sleep in his room.

Jaune stopped talking to his parents on the fourth day. They hadn’t even gone into his room. It was like that with everyone though, no one seemed to believe him, or want to go near his room!

Alicia was out hunting and out of Scroll range.

He tried Saphron and his elder sisters, but they were too busy for him. Saphron was always talking to Terra. And told him to get more creative if he wanted attention from her. Terra just laughed at him.

June was always on her scroll, and told him to buzz off.

Daisy wanted to watch tv or to paint, and told him he was distracting her, or be a model for her.

Jazz would just turn her music up till he left, or drag him into dancing.

Grace would just make him work in the garden with her, but everything he said went in one ear and out the other.

And the Rachel? 

She is too young, couldn’t even walk yet.

He vented to them anyway. That was a new phrase he learned. He also learned what a phrase was at school.

“I don’t get it,” He said to his youngest sibling. “they won’t take me seriously! I keep asking and asking them to just wait till a storm hits and stay with me, but they just keep laughing, getting mad, or ignoring me!”

Little Jaune Arc grabbed his hair with both hands.

“It’s so annoying! Why is this happening?”

Rachel just played with her toys, pretending to drive a car.

A glint appeared in Jaune’s eyes.

He started playing too. 

He sighed though. 

“What should I do, what should I do?” He repeated to himself.

“I tried to get them to look at the window, but they keep ignoring it, I tried showing them my scars and they said they were from playing in the woods, it’s like everything I say is just being ignored.”

Jaune rolled the toy car back and forth.

Rachel bumped her car into his, pinching Jaune’s finger inbetween the metal.

A light white glow appeared on his hand.

Jaune looked at his finger in wonder.

He focused on it and tried to force the feeling back out.

Nothing happened.

Jaune frowned and looked at his hand.

He grabbed a toy car and slammed at his pinky.

A warm feeling engulfed his pinky as a white light block the car, the car bouncing off of it.

He tried to imagine it being warm again.

A faint white light ghosted over his finger, before dying.

“Hmm,” He looked at his finger. “I have no idea what I just did,” He looked at Rachel. “but, you helped.” He gave Rachel a kiss on the forehead. “Thanks sis, I don’t know if you can understand me, but thanks anyway.”

Rachel looked at him with baby blues and gave a toothy smile and giggled.

“You want to keep playing?”

------------

An: Pyrrha’s more fun to write than I thought she would be. Next up though, on the fan fic list is Arc Acres, then Dead Knight, then Prodigy AU, then Sacred Rites II.

[babyboibucky]

Tag Game: 20 Questions

Thanks so much for the tag @bubbly-moonwarrior​!!! I didn’t want to clog y’alls dashes so I just started a new post lmfao

1. What do you prefer to be called namewise? Bee! Or Ate Bee for my younger Pinay babies, or Aunt Bee lmfaoooo

2. When is your birthday? April 6

3. Where do you live? Philippines!

4. Three things that you're doing right now?  Spotify, chatting with a friend and responding to asks

5. Four fandoms that have peaked your interest? MCU, TWD (I stopped watching when it got shitty though), GoT but the final season really sucked ajsnckasjcna, B99

6. How has the pandemic been treating you? Despite the decline of my mental health since this pandemic began (all thanks to how PH govt is handling it) I would say I’m still sane najsnakjcna been working from home since March last year and it’s just even more exhausting and I haven’t gone out since like December so yeah, I don’t even know what it’s like outside anymore lmao

7. A song you can't stop listening to? Easily by Bruno Major because it’s a huge inspo for a future part of The Match woopsie

8. Recommend a movie! UUHHHH We’re The Millers for a ton of laughs lmao

9. How old are you? 28 skskks

10. school, uni, occupation or other? An assistant brand manager for several beauty brands ajscnkajsca which is why I am always in meetings if any of y’all are wondering lol

11. Do you prefer heat or cold? Uhhhh heat when I’m at the beach and cold when it’s summer because summer time in this country is just anckjanckaj it’s like living in a fucking oven

12. Name one fact others might not know about you. UHHHHHHH I’m a virgin with lots of experiences lmfaooooo

13. Are you shy? I MEAN LOOK AT MY BLOG LMFAO but I identify more as an ambivert so there are times when I’m outgoing and just having zoomies answering messages but I need to recharge too

14. Preferred pronouns? She/Her

15. Biggest pet peeves? Oh god I can’t think of anything else right now but uhh being seriously passive aggressive like if you want to say something, just say it lol

16. What is your favorite "dere" type? BAKADERE LMFAO College!Bucky...need I say more???

17. Rate your life from 1-10. I would say 7 to 8, I’m grateful for what I currently have. My family and friends are healthy, I still have a job, we have pets!!! My tumblr family is awesome!!!

18. What's your main blog? Now? This lmao

19. List your side blogs: Not a side blog but like an old blog where I used to be super active writing fics and all that shit, until I went MIA lol it’s a TWD/Negan blog so if any of you are huge Negan or JDM fans in general, I have plenty of smut over at @dixonsbait (which I cannot tag)

20. Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET LMAO. I have no filter, I have no boundaries and I’m an open book. So whatever you see or read on my blog, how I interact and the thots I have...that’s me as a person. But also I suck at replying sometimes so uhh I hope you’d understand if I don’t reply to DMs immediately or as often

Tagging the following lovelies (also y’all are not obligated to do this too) @bitchassbucky @whoth3hellisbucky @borikenlove @sarge-barnes-sir @lokiscollar @uncensored-steve-the-platypus @uncensored-steve-the-platypus @aquahogcodes @scarlet-natasha89 and anyone else who would like to do this!!!!

[black-swan-slaps]

My Musings About How BTS Made My 2020 So Much Better

I’m never one to do year end reflections like this, but I think I’ll make an exception for 2020, considering, you know, 2020. Plus, the New Years Eve content made me giddy.

I’ve known about BTS since either 2015 or 2016 (I first saw their videos in a Youtubers React video). I remember being impressed back then when I saw that their music videos had around 100 million + views (look at them now, lol). Since then, I would casually watch some of their performances or interviews, but never really listened to their work. The closest I got was when I became interested in RM’s solo work in 2018 (I really like his song Joke, and I stand by that). I think part of my interest in him was because he spoke English during American interviews, so it was easier for me to find a connection. Besides that, trying to enter the BTS world felt, well, overwhelming. There’s just so much content to get through. 

Fast forward quarantine 2020. It’s the end of April and I have been working from home since the beginning of March. Their carpool karaoke video with James Cordon shows up in my Youtube Recommended. The rest is history.

But seriously, that video is just so much fun, and it was really smart of the editors to include subtitles. Very few American shows will bother subtitling the members (at least early on), but they often say really interesting or funny things! I wound up watching that video every day for like two weeks. I then started watching them on other talk shows, which turned into watching interviews, to then their music videos, performances (hello Jungkook in the James Cordon Boy With Luv performance), funny compilations, and then other content, like Festa. One of the first videos I watched was their 2019 Festa. I had limited context for the members, and didn’t think I would actually watch an hour long video, but I did, and I enjoyed it. 

My May became a whirlwind of watching their content and listening to their music. Part of me was hesitant to spend so much time losing myself in their content, but as I reasoned, I had the time, and I was enjoying myself. I remember honestly laughing so hard as I watched Run, and by this point in quarantine, I had very little to laugh about. BTS gave me a route to escapism, and I happily took it. 

None of my friends are really into Kpop, but I felt so ecstatic as I fell deeper into this obsession. They would listen to me a little as I talked about them, but I did overall refrain from talking their ears off. (Now, whenever I do get to see them, I just give a simple update: “Still really into BTS, btw.”)

Point being, I devoured their content. Run, Bon Voyage, docuseries, concert footage, hell, I even watched American Hustle Life. As I learned more about them, I fell in awe of their success and individual stories. I’m honestly just so happy for them every day. I’m seriously amazed when I think about how much they have accomplished. About how hard they have worked, how many records they have broken, how insanely talented they are. They are truly global superstars, and they are changing the music industry, culture, and are leaving a huge mark in history. It’s just amazing. And what is also amazing, is that being happy for them makes me happy. 

Being happy for other people and their successes is pretty standard for me, but it’s definitely a sentiment that has heightened this year. This is a year where we need to spread happiness, as hard as that can be sometimes. But, getting this invested in a band is a new thing for me. 

I really appreciate their friendship and bond. I know it’s not realistic for them to be lovey-dovey BFFs all the time, but it is clear that they have an incredibly special, and rare bond. It’s something that I really admire. (The Vmin friendship was one of the first things I noticed, and led to me getting interested in the members personally). Being American, platonic intimacy isn’t really something I see a lot, at least on the mainstream level (and especially between men), and getting to see these men work together, laugh together, and express their love for each other is just so refreshing. I truly hope that they are happy with each other. It is so clear, that based on the crazy journey they have been through together, they have a bond that no one else will understand. They’ve said it themselves that, in certain moments, they can just look at one another and instantly know what they’re thinking. That is so valuable and special.  

Their work energized me. I started working on a major project in May, and I felt inspired by them. They gave me the energy to push through. Seeing them be silly while also working hard also helped me to accept myself and be true to my weird nature. I used to be pretty shy and reserved, and never posted online, but I started to adopt Jin’s philosophy of just doing what you feel like. Honestly, I felt the most alive in the first few months of quarantine purely because of them and all the energy I invested in learning about them and received from them. (And it was a welcomed distraction from the real world.)

It’s maybe a bit strange getting practically new content every day, but I have found that between official content and social media, there is always something to look forward to. It’s a part of my daily routine to check tumblr and look for updates. It’s something that has been so helpful as my mental health started to decline around August (I’m sure that with quarantine we’re all in the same boat). These past few months have been hard for me as I’ve struggled with the effects of quarantine and a developing complicated relationship between me, food, and my body, but at least I have had BTS to look forward to.

And I guess that is the point of this. I could honestly go on and on about each member and how I feel a special resonance with Jimin based on his gender expression, or how proud I feel of Jungkook every time I hear him sing and express himself, or how Suga’s First Love stops me in my tracks every time I hear it, but I’ve gone on long enough. What I’ve realized recently is that BTS gives me something to look forward to.

This year has been bleak. We all know this. But what is strange is that even though I have had my fair share of struggles, I also had a lot of self-improvement. Those first few months of quarantine, the energy I received from BTS inspired me to work hard on my major project. I took up learning Korean (I really like learning languages and have been working on Italian for years. I highly recommend TalkToMeInKorean). I started working out every day and actually have stamina to do physical activity (something I was severely lacking). I made strides in my professional life and am working strongly and proactively toward my career goals. Of course, even though I have been technically successful, I still can’t but help feel aimless and lost due to the loss of connection with my friends and peers due to quarantine. As Christmas day was ending, I realized that I had been using the anticipation of the holiday to get me through December. Once it was over, I felt sad. What more did I have to look forward to? The world is still generally terrible. In America, we’re still reeling from our terrible political and covid situation.

But today I realized, oh, there’s still BTS. Maybe it’s silly to say, but it’s true. Yes, I have personal and career goals I’m working toward, but we have to admit there is something so unique and fun about following BTS. That week in October where they released performances and interviews every day on Jimmy Fallon, plus bangtang bombs, was one of the happiest weeks I had. Like I said, their happiness brings me happiness. I look forward to following their careers for as long as they’re active, as well as their solo projects and careers. Honestly, isn’t it exciting thinking about all the great things they will do in the future?

[elytrafemme]

okay i should probably get some work done so i can work on cough syrup tonight and just hang out but. one last thing before i pop off of tumblr for a lil bit:

i say this a lot but like. i need you guys to know just. how much i appreciate you. seriously. why am i already crying this is so stupid okay like. just. how do i articulate this.

this sounds super melodramatic but in the old fandom i was in, i had, uh, not great fandom experiences. which sounds like not a huge deal, happens in every fandom, but it was less about like general devisiveness in the fandom and moreso, like. friendships and my own self image and my relationship with writing was all really fucked up.

i’ve mostly separated from those two fandoms, though i still read works from there time to time. 

i think out of all the people i met in that fandom, i actively (and anticipate) i will maintain a relationship with like, 10%. if i’m being generous. 

but the way that the dsmp fandom has treated me, and how much i genuinely love writing again, and how easy it is for me to come up with ideas, and how kind people are to me? like, there’s no real articulate way for me to describe kind of my issues in the past fandom, but, strangely enough, one of the issues was that i started sort of getting a lot of love and popularity thrown at me at once, and then it slowly started to fizzle out as i sort of mentally declined. again, it sounds stupid, but i was ages 13-15 here and this kind of stuff was underlying in most of my friendships at this point

being in a fandom where i have twenty people, maybe, following me, and a fic that people happen to really like, and a few amazing mutuals that are really supportive and talk with me, and content people want to read and content that i want to read, and in a fandom that isn’t actively dying or left to dissolve into discourse forever... it’s so nice. it’s genuinely so nice. like my mental health has hit some lows from fandom experience even within this one, because i just have issues with perception and everything that i’ve never been able to sort out exactly, but overall? it’s been so so lovely? 

i don’t feel this pressure to constantly create good content anymore. and that’s so wonderful! it’s genuinely just fucking fantastic, like. like, it’s so freeing! and people are so kind, there’s not this weird underlying element to it, i just! it’s good! things are good!

and like, not to shove this shit out there and target anyone, but just. i think most of the people following this blog have seen my mutuals around, but the three mutuals i’ve kept from my past fandom who have followed me here and still support me? i don’t tell them enough how much i love them but i seriously fucking do i. i seriously fucking do. 

i know this doesn’t make sense but like. yes this fandom has issues and yes a lot of this is less about fandom experience and more about just how my mind works, but thank you guys. so much. for showing interest in the things i write and the stuff i say, for letting me exist as an identity here, for interacting with me, for just. being here. 

i think i’m beginning to realize exactly how many things have happened to me in the past 2-3 years and just how much this blog has helped me heal. 

love you guys. calculus homework time, now. but i love you. see you around in like 2 hours probably

[egalitarian-tomboy]

Sonamy in IDW Sonic: Why it Shows SEGA is Softening on Their Romance Moving Forward

Ever since I read how actively involved SEGA has become in the IDW comics, I wanted to take a moment to talk about Sonamy’s development under their guidance. 

Because in my humble opinion: If a game company is willing to take time out of their development schedule and product output to help out with the comics, it’s worth reading and taking seriously. 

Archie never received the same treatment and as far as I know they’ve only had guidelines for them to follow in terms of lore and what they could and couldn’t do with the characters. Otherwise Archie had free reign to do what they wanted story wise. 

But with IDW they go through everything. 

Let that just sink in. They go through the scripts, the outlines, the artwork, the character models, and the story outlines for each arc this series will put out. They tell the creators when Sonic is out of character from his persona in the games and they offer ideas on where to tweak certain parts of the story. That’s no different from a director telling his staff what to do next on the set of the film. 

Plus given the fact that the Sonic The Hedgehog IDW series takes place canonically right after the war in Sonic Forces, it’s safe to say that whatever is happening right now could very well lead up to a future mainline game. 

(The fact that Knuckles was considered the leader of the resistance, the world is still ravaged by Eggman’s armies, and Sonic confirming several times that he’s been locked away for months by Eggman so he could take over the world proves this to be the case.) 

So at this point I think it’s 100% valid if fans consider these stories canon. Because with SEGA’s active involvement, it’s hard to say that everything is out of character and not what would happen in the mainline game series. 

That leads us to the point of this post: Sonamy. 

For years it’s been one of the biggest debated will-they-won’t-they romances that has several moments across most of the franchise hinting Sonic’s feelings for Amy might be mutual. But due to the fact the franchise is geared toward primarily younger audiences, the chances of Sonic getting into a steady relationship with Amy is very unlikely. 

That is until now. 

See with SEGA’s active involvement in the IDW series, we know for a fact that all the Sonamy development we see play out has gone through the people who MADE these characters and who know what is in and not in character for them to do. They have to put their stamp of approval over EVERYTHING including the relationship the writers want to develop. 

Which is why we look at this moment that has been talked about by every shipper out there: 

SEGA LITERALLY SAID: “YUP THIS IS IN CHARACTER AND WOULD HAPPEN IN A GAME. YOU CAN PUT THIS IN.” 

So let’s analyze this moment in full shall we. 

Amy tells Sonic that his free spirit nature and good heart are the reasons why she loves him in the first place. Love with a capital L. Amy doesn’t want to chain him down. She doesn’t want to force him to propose to her. She doesn’t want to put him through a loveless marriage if he doesn’t love her back. She respects his boundaries and she tells him that she wouldn’t change him because she loves him for him. 

This in turn gives us the first, SEGA APPROVED, reaction to her honest love that is winking heavily to the reader that the blue hero might not be indifferent at all. In fact: his reaction leads to an offer asking her to join him on his journey. 

Tails has traveled with him on numerous adventures all the time. He’s practically Sonic’s younger brother and he treats him as his family. But Amy? She’s a friend sure, but Sonic has always been aware of her feelings for him being romantic. So calling her a sister isn’t the right label at all and that’s not the intention SEGA has had for their relationship in game canon. 

Which leads me to point out that Sonic’s response is “Heh...well...it’s not like it’s all or nothing. You could come with me.” After Amy tells him she LOVES HIM FOR HIM. 

If this was part of a fanfiction a fan wrote up this would honest to god be in a fluff fic. It’s that cheesy romantic response. FROM SONIC OF ALL PEOPLE. 

But Amy turns down the offer by stating her duties need to be her first priority at the moment due to the fact she’s been neglecting them for far too long. But if she didn’t have that duty to uphold? I 100% believe she wouldn’t have declined that invite. Because it’s an invitation from Sonic that she’s been waiting for probably years to hear. 

To travel with him. Live with him. Bond with him on the road. Be his partner on an adventure and fight together side by side. 

This scene showcases not only Amy’s maturity in both Love & duties, but it also shows us that Sonic isn’t opposed to Amy being a part of his life or life style as a possible future Girlfriend. 

At the moment they’re unable to travel together. But that’s not stopping them from traveling AFTER everything is finally settled. 

So I think that this scene is SEGA allowing IDW to say for them that “Sonamy might happen but not until everything is finally over.” 

So for the moment we’re just gonna have to wait and watch their romance blossom through the small but intimate moments and adventures they might have in the future. 

Hell we’ve already gotten scenes of him worrying about her mental & emotional health, her physical safety, and the artist is allowed to showcase Sonic looking at her with these eyes that I can only describe as “Sees something he likes”. 

Don’t even get me started on the scene where he watches her freak out but isn’t able to comfort her physically during their brief reunion in the current arc. It tore out my heart.

In my opinion the IDW series is in fact canon to the entirety of Sonic’s mainline lore. With SEGA’s active involvement, it’s hard to say it’s just a bad fanfic. 

So if we’re already seeing some mutual reciprocation from Sonic this early on in it’s run, I’m interested to see if SEGA will finally develop a mature and well done love story between Sonic and Amy. 

Don’t worry. I won’t hold my breath. But it’s always a possibility. 

[skyfallensoldier]

Mobile Navigation || Rules & Mun ↓

DISCLAIMER: I just want to note here at the beginning that while I am considering this RP blog to be historically based, i.e. remaining true to the time period and overall details of John Laurens' biographical information and whatnot, I do not consider myself a historically accurate blog, not entirely. Historical fiction is a well known genre of literature and many, MANY creative liberties are taken within that genre. Think of this blog like you would if you saw an Anastasia Romanov blog. She's dead, we know she didn't survive, and she's been dead a long-ass time; so has Laurens. People still have included her in many works of fiction, even after her body was identified and it was proven she did not survive her family's massacre. I saw a romance book a couple of months ago where she survived that was recently published. Historical fiction, while a controversial thing at times, is a legitimate form of literature.

You don't have to tell me if you think John isn't acting exactly like the real man himself would have, I know that. I'm not going to call John my 'perfect sunshine boy cinnamon roll' or dismiss the privilege he was raised on due to his father, I'm aware he was a real person who had his own personality, virtues and prejudices. I won't deny that while he was certainly a progressive thinking man for the time he grew up in he definitely still had racist thoughts and actions that were indicative of his upbringing. But I'm not on here to debate modern, real life politics, or get into arguments about whether he was a good abolitionist or not. At the end of the day, this is still a hobby for me, and I'm writing for fun.

Basically, don't take it too seriously. I'm a 21st century bisexual woman writing from the POV of an 18th century (likely gay) male soldier, the way I write him is obviously not going to be a perfect representation of who he was. I know he wasn't an amazing, perfect person, but I've still chosen to write a fictionalized version of him for my own entertainment. Please try to respect that; thank you.

Mun Stuff

Name: Luna Gender: Female (She/Her or They/Them) D.o.B: July 23rd, 1996 Age: 24 Nationality: Canadian Sexuality: Bisexual Timezone: Eastern Time (US & Canada) Activity: Daily BIOGRAPHY (SORT OF)

Hello, there! You can call me Luna! I've been interested in writing ever since I first got the internet when I was 14 and discovered FanFiction.Net and now I'm an aspiring author and Roleplay enthusiast. If you include acting/talking out DnD like games with friends then I've been 'roleplaying' since the fifth grade, but I like to think there's always room for improvement. If you ever want to chat I'd love to make a new friend or plot out a roleplay, so don't be afraid to shoot me an ask or send me a private message. Just because my muse can be a jackass doesn't mean I am! I’m a huge advocate for mental health, and if you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t ever hesitate to reach out! Some of my hobbies including literature and writing (of course), digging into mythology from various cultures, practicing solitary eclectic paganism/new age spirituality, drinking tea, and collecting crystals/minerals.

Please note that for the sake of disclosure, I am considered ‘Neurodivergent’, in that I suffer from ADHD, diagnosed at about age six, and have Anxiety and Depression which are directly tied to it. This doesn’t often effect my life on here, but I sometimes have an unpredictable sleep schedule (stay up all night, sleep in late into the morning, etc). I’m usually quick to reply to threads for the most part! I work every Tuesday and Thursday from 5pm to 7pm in addition to odd jobs here and there, during which time I won’t have access to the Internet. The rest of the week I’m on and off all day basically, so you can feel free to contact me any time.

RP Style

⭐️ Please use basic spelling/grammar/punctuation when you RP with me. I'm not a drill sergeant about these kinds of things, I know that typos happen, and if you have a vision problem or such we can absolutely find a way to work around that, I also have no problem roleplaying with people whose first language is not English, so that's totally fine and I’m happy to accomodate in whatever way I can, but it does make it a little difficult to play with you if I don't know what you're trying to say. For this reason I prefer if you not use any text shorthand (lol, idk, brb, jk, etc) unless our muses are messaging each other. Using it in the tags is fine.

⭐️ I roleplay Laurens in a past-tense 3rd Person Point of View (think story-telling format), and generally I don't use icons or text formatting unless I notice my partner does, then I will try to match their style (for example if you use icons and small-text, I will try to do the same, though because formatting isn't possible on mobile, any mobile replies might take longer to be posted than if I were on my laptop). If you have any issues with how I'm writing or need me to adjust my style for any reason don't be afraid to ask.

Contact

⭐️ If you spam me with messages over and over again about something I haven't replied to, chances are I'll drop the thread. I don't mind being reminded because I know Tumblr's notifications are notoriously unreliable sometimes, and humans can forget/lose things, but if you keep poking at me after I've acknowledged you the first and second time, I won't be pleased. Things can get busy on here, or in real life, or sometimes you're just lacking muse for that particular thread, y'know? It doesn't mean I hate you and don't want to RP, I'm almost always up for plotting, but muse tends to fluctuate.

⭐️ My ‘Discord’ is available to mutuals upon request. I don't mind roleplaying on there if Tumblr is being glitchy or you're just not feeling up to formatted/heavily plotted threads, sometimes Discord is fun in that you can do immediate replies without needing the effort of putting icons and formatting into it. I also have a Kik but I never use it. I don't RP in Tumblr's IMs, that's purely for OOC interaction.

⭐️ I also occasionally stream movies/TV shows in group chats or play “in character” Cards Against Humanity game nights, Among Us, etc. If you’re interested, lemme know, I’m always looking for more people to hang out with!

Important

I have no actual triggers that I'm aware of, although snakes do creep me out (mostly shots of them coiled up or images of their pupils), but there are some things I will not roleplay personally for comfort reasons:

⭐️ Cannibalism. You can mention it, for example I won't freak out if someone tells my muse that somebody else ate a person (he might, assuming its not a Supernatural type verse), but I won't RP him engaging in cannibalism, not even in AUs (blood-drinking vampires are fine). I'm just not sure I could stomach writing about eating people. I managed to watch Hannibal, barely, but writing about it? Nah. I can handle lots of horror, gore and disturbing content but not this. Sorry.

⭐ Incest/Pedophilia. I do not SEXUALLY ship with characters under the age of 18. John is not attracted to children, and would never consider sleeping with someone much younger than him.

⭐ I will not write anything sexual with muns who are under 18 years old, even if your muse is an adult. I'll still ROLEPLAY with you if you are under 18 but probably no younger than 16 just because things tend to get explicit on my blogs and I don't want to be accused of corrupting the youth with my foul language and weird opinions, lol. Seriously though, this blog covers a lot of dark subjects and while I’m all for minors exploring that safely through writing rather than in real life, some people aren’t comfortable with interacting with under age people for legal or personal reasons, please respect that.

⭐ Necrophilia. Just... no. Vampire threads don't count, as they're undead and not 'dead dead'.

⭐ Rape. I won't write it with you. I'm okay with mentions of rape, with rape/sexual assault survivor/recovery plots, and even with one character intervening to rescue another from an attempted sexual assault (if an attempted assault does occur, it will be thoroughly tagged and under a cut). I'm fully open to discussing rape recovery/trauma plots as those are things that happen in real life, and it can be interesting to explore how a character reacts to trauma. But anything else is a no-go, sorry!

⭐ Please be aware that I write Laurens as a gay man. However! Because of the time period, violent homophobia and social stigma, he has slept with women before and may be seen flirting with or referencing relationships with women in the past. He is still gay, and still uninterested in being with women long term, he's simply closeted to all but a few individuals. So, unless your muse is Martha Manning (who Laurens DOES love in a manner, and he always will), shipping with female characters on here most likely isn't going to happen unless it's heavily plotted/developed and part of an overall plot, and you understand that it will not be a conventional sexual relationship. I'm sorry if that disappoints you but I've read Laurens as a gay male for so long I have trouble seeing him any other way.

⭐ I will not roleplay slavery plots. This is not up for debate. Roleplaying a highly fictionalized version of a long dead real person who existed during a troubling time is one thing, but I draw the line at that. For this reason, while I'll happily play with non-white muses, muses using non white faceclaims, and crossovers with characters of all sorts, I'll have to decline playing with any muse claiming to actually be writing slavery. There’s a difference between, say, roleplaying a character like Daenerys, a fictional character who was technically a slave-bride sold by her brother, and writing actual slavery from a very real, horrible time period. Slave ownership will of course be mentioned on this blog, that's unavoidable, but just like the mention of rape may happen on this blog from time to time, it will be in reference to a past event or speaking about the subject in general, not roleplaying a scene of it. Please respect this rule, I was hesitant to make this blog at first, because I know it makes some people uncomfortable, but I won't glorify such a horrible real thing that happened to so many people.

Exclusives/Mains

Just a head's up, unless I develop a bunch of chemistry with a particular portrayal of a muse I'm not likely to agree to being exclusives with anyone, unless perhaps it's a very niche or divergent character that has formed a good relationship of some sort with John and I'd have trouble interacting with other versions of that muse. For major characters I just feel it would be unfair to say no to someone who I click with in every other way, solely because I have already befriended someone else writing that character.

I will, however, discuss becoming mains with someone whom I've either developed or plotted out detailed storylines/interactions with regarding our specific portrayals of our characters. This means that I tend to reply to them quickly when I'm online, or may make little gifts (moodboards, aesthetic things, mini ficlets, whatever) for them unprompted, have a verse dedicated just to them, etc. Even if it seems like we haven't done much on Tumblr, there may be a lot of off-site development on Discord or whatnot that led to us plotting out intricate stories for our muses.

Current Mains:

Alexander Hamilton - @quillborn​

DO

⭐️ Send private messages.

⭐️ Send my character asks/starters/memes.

⭐️ Tag me in things.

⭐️ Ask to plot or ship.

⭐️ Ask for angst, fluff, etc.

⭐️ Submit things to me & my muse.

⭐️ Do crack and other ridiculous things with me!

⭐️ Like my RP threads.

⭐️ Like my personal posts.

⭐️ Comment on my personal/OOC posts (if you want to).

⭐️ Comment on my crack threads.

⭐️ Instant Message (IM) me if you'd like to talk, whether we're friends already or not!

DON'T

⭐️ Send hateful messages to me about other people and especially my mutuals; doesn't count if it's about the muse and not the person playing them, however. Also, if I’ve got beef with someone for whatever reason, don’t harass them/send hate to them on my behalf, please. I don’t condone anonymous abuse, attacking others, or harassment. I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself, I promise.

⭐️ Introduce yourself with ‘wanna ship?’ For one, I prefer if we’ve at least started a roleplay together, or have spoken OOC. Auto shipping doesn’t always work out and I hate promising people something only to realize there’s zero chemistry, because then I feel like I’m letting them down.

⭐️ Come into my inbox with just ‘wanna rp?’ and that’s it. Please at least have some idea of what you want to roleplay, it’s not very fun when someone approaches you to RP but then doesn’t offer up any suggestions at all. Remember, you are always free to send me memes, whether we’re mutuals or not, and hit me up for whatever plot you think might interest me! I want to hear about it!

⭐️ Spam me with "reminder" messages if I've already acknowledged you the first few times.

⭐️ Reblog my RP threads if you're not a participant in them.

⭐️ Send me anonymous OOC hate. Hate for Laurens is fine, it's just another form of roleplay.

⭐️ Kill off my character or severely injure/maim my character without permission or having plotted something involving that with me first.

⭐️ Follow me if you're a porn blog. I don't mind blogs that post NSFW content, or smut a lot, etc. I mean blogs that aren't for RP and are literally just a normal looking blog until you click on it and the header and first twenty posts are hardcore nudity and porn. I hate those things.

⭐️ Shame my ships.

⭐️ Complain about my tagging. I put my smut under a 'read more' without exception and tag them as "NSFW //" with two dashes. Things that are not necessarily graphic but still have sexual undertones go under "Suggestive //". I use these tags to avoid attracting attention from porn blogs and porn bots that track certain key words, as such I do not tag my content with "Smut" or trigger words such as "dick, oral, anal, nudity, etc", please block my NSFW and Suggestive tags if you're uncomfortable. Triggery subjects (mentions of rape, animal abuse, torture, mental illness) will be tagged under the name of said trigger with a space and two dashes, example: "Self Harm //", “Suicidal Ideation //” or "PTSD //".

⭐️ Godmod my character. If you’re not sure what is/isn’t okay, come talk to me! I don’t bite! If you’re looking for an example of god mod behavior, here: “X lunged at Laurens, taking him by surprise, and hit him square in the nose, causing blood to spurt.” It might not seem like a big deal but it means that you decided how your character’s actions affected my muse, and not only that, didn’t give him a chance to dodge or anything. Not cool.

⭐️ Ship with me without permission (sending in shippy asks is A-Ok if you're interested in exploring a ship between our muses, I'm talking about things like claiming that our muses are in a relationship without discussing it with me, referencing dates or sexual acts that never happened, etc. I ship mainly with chemistry otherwise things get boring fast.

⭐️ Assume/act like our characters know each other/are closely connected (friends/family/lovers) if we've never discussed it unless it is established in canon/history. This especially goes for original characters. I'm open to Laurens forming deep relationships with OCs obviously, but those have to be developed in character, not just assumed from the first interaction.

⭐️ Attempt to roleplay with me if you are not a roleplay blog/or if you're just trying to RP as "yourself." I don't do Character X Reader imagines stuff. I don't RP with 'fan' accounts, only RP blogs. You can still send asks so long as you're not trying to initiate an RP scenario. For example, asking Laurens what his hobbies are, asking for a blessing etc? That's fine. Spamming me with different actions "you" are talking to Laurens is weird. Stop that. I will also not RP with blogs that claim to roleplay as real life people, such as Markiplier, that's super creepy. This does NOT apply to "historical fiction" roleplay (obviously since that's what this blog is), which is considered its own genre of literature. I'm talking about the above where people will 'roleplay' as real life, currently alive people like YouTube celebrities and ship them with their friends, even if they've made it clear that they're uncomfortable with it. 

⭐️ Get angry at me for doing something you don't like if you don't even have a rules page for me to go by. It's not fair; you can't expect your partners to just read your mind and magically know how you feel. If something bothers you let me know, I’ll make a note about it so I avoid it during our interactions!

⭐️ Use me as a meme resource blog without ever interacting with me. I don't require "reblog karma" for you to follow me, partners are more than welcome to reblog from me, but if we never interact and I just occasionally see you reblog fifteen posts from my meme tag and then disappear again I'm not gonna be happy. Go to the source or to an archived blog no longer getting notifications, please!

⭐️ Reblog my Meta/Headcanons. If they're from a different blog it's fine but the ones I've personally written are for MY portrayal of Laurens. I work hard on most of my stuff and I'd prefer if you didn't reblog it, not because you aren't allowed to have the same headcanon ideas as me, but because then it ends up getting liked or reblogged by lots of other people, spamming my notifications, etc.

OCs & Multimuses

I love OCs and multi-muse blogs (I have my own multimuse sideblog over at @historyremembers, which has other 18th century characters including the Hamilton children and some OCs), so feel free to interact! That being said, please have an about page of some sort on your blog. I can't follow back blogs that have absolutely no information available regarding their character(s). I don't RP with OC children of Laurens. This is nothing personal, but I'm fairly certain he was gay in real life and prefer to play him that way, and he only had one child - who he never even got to meet - in real life, so it just wouldn't make sense to me for him to have other kids running around unless he'd adopted some. If you're a multimuse, I may not follow you back if I'm only familiar with two of your muses if you have a blog of fifteen characters, simply because I'd prefer to keep my dash clean and only have characters/fandoms I'm familiar with on it. I'll still RP with you if you have a character I'm interested in! I just might not follow back if the majority of your characters I do not know, I apologize for this.

If you’ve made it to the end of this, congrats! I know it couldn’t be easy (my ADHD brain was frustrated trying to just write all this up) but it’s necessary so there’s not misunderstandings on what I am/am not willing to RP. I won’t ask for a password since I trust most people to have the courtesy to at least skim the rules of those they want to RP with. 

Have a nice day!

[lurafita]

Obsession - Chapter 2

Again, to the people who don’t know how tags work, this is Starker. If you don’t like this pairing, then do not click on this story.

Thanks a lot to everyone who has liked, reblogged and reviewed the previous parts.

Which are here: Prolouge

and here: Chapter 1

Please inform me if you want to get tagged for the next part.

Tony is in a bit of denial in this chapter, which I have tried to indicate with this. If this striking through words makes it too hard to read for you, plese let me know, and I will try to think of something different. Though there aren’t too many sentences like it.

Obsession – Chapter 2

33 year old Pepper Potts was positively surprised, when her former boyfriend and current boss, dutifully read and then signed every paper she put in front of him.

After his little disappearing act the day before (something that happened quite frequently, if she were honest), she had expected him to be just as difficult as he normally was. Which wasn’t to say that Tony didn’t take his responsibilities seriously; but the genius had a rather extensive history of locking himself away in his personal lab, whenever company matters started to bore him. And since everything that didn’t directly involve his tech or other fields of his expertise usually bored him, Pepper really had her work cut out for her.

But today, Tony seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood, almost eager to get all the dreaded work done.

“Did something happen yesterday?” She asked, as he signed the contract before him with a flourish.

“Why do you ask, Pep?”

There was a chipper tone to his voice, that seemed fairly out of place considering he was doing paperwork.

“You just seem to be in a very good mood.”

Tony nodded, while reading through a proposal for a joined project with Hammer Industries. He was going to decline, of course, but it was always funny to see what Justin offered this time in hopes of enticing him into working together. Tony mentally scoffed. As if he would ever put his name on anything that amateur had had his hands on.

“I met someone.” Did it count as a meeting when Peter hadn’t even been aware of his presence? No matter, he still couldn’t contain the little smile at the thought of the brunette.

Pepper sighed. “Do I need to prepare the PR-Department for an upcoming sex video?”

Tony cringed. “Ouch. … Though, fair, I guess. But no. Don’t worry. We were fully clothed the whole time and all that happened was talking.” Peter had done all the talking, and if one wanted to get technical about it, it hadn’t been directed at Tony, but, whatever. Details.

He turned just in time to catch the surprised look on Pepper’s face, and grinned.

“Starting to believe my bad press, Miss Potts? Contrary to popular believe, I don’t sleep with everyone I meet.”

The strawberry blonde woman shook her head.

“I know that, Tony. It’s just… no, you are right. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, though I’m still angry at you for just running off like you did. There is a reason we employ personal security guards.” She finished and pinned him with a penetrating expression. He just grinned wider at her.

“I know. This new batch is actually pretty good. What was the team leaders name again? Bates? Balm? Anyway, it took me a whole hour to distract him long enough for me to put on my Non-Important-Person disguise, for short: NIP-d, if you will, and get out of the tower. He even found me when I was halfway on my way back. Pretty impressive. Maybe we should give him a raise.”

Pepper just sighed in defeat. “Barnes, Tony. His name is James Barnes. Natasha personally recommended him for the job. And he was not impressed with that stunt you pulled to ‘distract’ him, by the way.”

Since Natasha’s job as head of security contained some 'extracurricular activities’, which often times took her to various locations, someone else needed to be in charge of the security in place not only at Stark Industries, but also to all of the people in higher positions and of course, Tony Stark himself. James Barnes had come highly recommended by Natasha, and if a woman who could kill you 27 different ways with a toothpick recommended someone to you, you didn’t ask questions and just fucking hired them.

Tony hummed in acknowledgment as he started on the last paragraph of the proposition. A few seconds went by in silence.

“It suits you, you know? Being happy. Are you planning on seeing them again?”

Hopeful anticipation filled him at the thought.

“I am.”

Then he grabbed Hammer’s proposal and handed it back to Pepper.

“Shredder this and send Justin a 'Better luck next time’ E-mail, would you? Anything else on the agenda for today?”

She accepted the papers and after a quick glance at her phone, shook her head.

“No, you are done for now. Wow, that was quick. Do I get to meet this person who apparently inspires you to actually do your work?”

She asked with a playful grin. Tony couldn’t help the smile that stole over his lips as he imagined introducing Peter to her. The younger man would be pressed into his side, with Tony’s arm around that narrow waist, and probably blushing.

“Sure. One day. If things go well and all.” He did need to introduce himself to Peter first, after all.

“I’m looking forward to it. Enjoy the rest of your day, Tony.”

And with those parting words, she left his office. He waited until he couldn’t hear the sounds of her heels clicking against the tiled floors anymore, before he addressed the room.

“Jarvis, commence project 'Baby Boy’. Let’s continue where we left off this morning.”

“Certainly, Sir.” Came the voice of the artificial intelligence Tony had created and installed not only in Stark Tower, but all of his other properties as well. “Also, I would like to inform you, that I have decided against reminding you that you haven’t slept ever since you started with your research, 22 hours and 18 minuets ago. Which makes it a total of 33 hours and 37 minutes that you have been awake. As previous instances have shown that trying to encourage you to keep a healthy sleeping schedule, have been ultimately futile efforts on my part, I will decline from further fruitless endeavors.”

Tony blinked in slight surprise. “Since when were you so passive-aggressive? You have been listening to Pepper too much. How about this then? We will give it another hour and 23 minutes, make it an even 35 hours without sleep, before I go and lie down like a good boy.”

The A.I. seemed to agree with his terms, as all around him, different holo screens popped up, all displaying various information about one Peter Benjamin Parker.

It had started smaller.

Innocent.

Only one screen, displaying Peter’s student credentials on Berkeley’s web page.

When Tony had made it back to his penthouse in the tower, after numerous promises and assurances that he would inform someone if he wanted to go for a stroll again, (all of which were lies, naturally) he had started with his research right away.

He had just wanted some facts, a point to start at. Full name, age, address, marital status. (It wouldn’t be completely unheard of for a college student to be married already, after all.) Peter wasn’t!

However, after he had gotten the answers to these most prominent questions, he had still felt… unsatisfied.

Just because Peter wasn’t married, didn’t mean that he wasn’t currently in a relationship. Though would it really matter if he was?

He had shaken his head then, thinking that he was getting way ahead of himself. He had only spent a little more than an hour in Peter’s presence, of which the other hadn’t even been aware of, and he was already contemplating how to deal with possible rivals? It was ludicrous!

Yes, the younger man was attractive (and smart, and empathetic, and insightful, and charming, and witty), but that didn’t mean that Tony wanted to start a relationship with him. (Oh, who was he kidding?)

Didn’t even mean he wanted to sleep with him. (No, really, who was he fucking kidding?)

So after this blessedly short mini meltdown, Tony decided that he needed to acquire more information to properly deal with his infatuation situation. And thus, Project Baby Boy was born.

After all the official records, it took no time at all for him to find Peter’s Facebook, Instagram and Tumblr accounts. Social media was a glorious thing. It made you bare some of your innermost, private thoughts and feelings to a world of strangers, without you ever realizing that you were doing it. Every post, every like, every picture and every comment the brunette made, slowly unveiled who Peter really was to Tony’s hungry eyes. As the hours had gone by, the genius billionaire found himself more and more enamored with the (single!) 24 year old. Between dorky science jokes, geeky Star Wars and other sci-fi posts, and a truly astounding amount of dog and cat pictures, Peter was revealing himself to be quite an intriguing individual.

He studied bio-chemistry as a main field, with a bit of bio-engineering and health and medical sciences on the side. There was a clear indication of the type of profession sweet Peter wanted to get into. Thinking back on the conversation in the diner, Tony wasn’t surprised. The younger man had been incredibly enthusiastic about the future of medicine and how he would one day be able to help people. It definitely explained why Tony Stark was only number 6 on Peter’s tumblr list of ‘The 10 greatest scientists alive today’. Since Peter was more into the squishy sciences (Tony wasn’t squeamish - he had had someone else’s blood on his person far too often for such sensitivities - but he preferred a circuit board and wires over organs and skin tissue any day), it made sense that the billionaire, genius mechanic Tony Stark, wasn’t on the top his list. (Still a bit of a blow to the ego, though) At least Peter had placed him before that insufferable ass, Reed Richards!

(And hey, it was a ranking based on corresponding interest in scientific avenues. Tony would soon be in the first  and only  place of ‘Scientist who regularly rocks my world’)

He was also a bit of a hobby photographer, it seemed, as Peter had uploaded many photos taken of friends, animals, sunsets, buildings and plants. Sometimes a photo would showcase a particular play with lighting and shadows, other times special camera filters would highlight different focus points in a picture. Tony may not be a great artisan, but he could appreciate talent.

He also found a short video clip in which one of Peter’s friends (the internet handle was ‘guy-in-the-chair’) had filmed Peter’s, frankly adorable, reaction to being served some monstrously sugary kind of dessert. The video’s caption had read 'Orgasm by Marshmallow stuffed chocolate Cupcake’, and to the inventors utter delight, it included 11 seconds of Peter taking his first bite and actually looking like he was having a tiny orgasm right then and there. Complete with eyes widening before rolling back into his head, and a moan that couldn’t be described as anything else but sinful. (Tony might have re-watched those 11 seconds more times than he cared to admit, while imagining the younger man lying naked and stretched out underneath him, on the silken sheets of Tony’s bed, moaning for a very different reason.)

He found only a few other video’s similar to this. Apparently Peter had a major sweet tooth – which Tony could think of various ways to exploit – and his friend had obviously thought it great fun to film him eating things that would send any diabetic into an early grave.

He had Jarvis save every one of those videos into a private folder, for his personal viewing pleasure. (Oh, and what a pleasure it was. Though the cupcake video was definitely his favorite, the one in which his darling Peter all but went down on a deep fried Mars bar, was a very close second.)

While Tony certainly would have liked to add even more to his collection, he was grateful that only a handful of such videos existed.

He didn’t like the thought of others seeing his Peter like this.

While most of the comments beneath the videos were obviously from friends and acquaintances, who either teased the brunette about his sweet tooth, or commented on the foods themselves, others had been… less PG.

Other people shouldn’t get to think about him like that.

Thinking back on it now, Tony contemplated if maybe he should take the videos down himself. He had already saved away his own copies of them.

Keep him them to myself.

Maybe later.

Right now he wanted to keep going, there was still so much to learn about the cute college student.

Tony knew that life hadn’t been very kind to Peter. He had been orphaned at six, mother and father dying in a plane crash. Taken in by his aunt and uncle, May and Ben Parker. Seven years later, Ben Parker had been shot in a robbery gone wrong, and if the police report that Tony had hacked was to be believed, Peter had been an eyewitness to the murder.

It was humbling in a way, to think that someone who had been forced to endure so much trauma at a young age already, could grow into the bright 24 year old man that the genius had met just yesterday.

Jarvis had also pulled some older records, that showed that the two remaining Parkers had been left in quite a lot of debt after Ben’s passing. (Well, Tony assumed the amount of debt was a lot for regular people. His bed had actually cost more than the number presented to him.)

May Parker, Peter’s aunt, was a nurse in Queens General Hospital. (Which could have possibly inspired the boy’s chosen field of study) Peter had taken on two part time jobs as soon as he was out of highschool – which Tony concluded were used to help pay the bills, since he was a scholarship student at Berkeley and still lived with his aunt.

“Jarvis, run a calculation. Considering the regular costs of rent and other living expenses, how long will it take the Parkers to pay back what they owe?”

“Keeping in mind the expected rise in interest rates, taxes and insurance, it will approximately take May and Peter Parker 31 years to eradicate their debt. This number is likely to change if Mr. Parker pursues a higher paying profession after finishing his education.”

Tony nodded thoughtfully.

“Still, that’s not for a few more years yet, especially if Peter wants to go for a Master and Doctor degree after he has finished with his Bachelor.”

This could work in his favor.

While Tony loathed people who wanted to use him only for his money, he liked to spend it on the ones he cared about.

Liked taking care of those who deserved it.

He let his gaze be caught by one particular screen, that displayed a photo of Peter Jarvis had pulled from the younger’s Instagram. In it Peter was outside, the sun shining brightly above him, in only a loose t-shirt and cut off jeans. A black cat was cradled in his arms, and he was smiling brightly at the camera. Tony re-read the text underneath the picture. 'This gorgeous lady decided to join Ned and I on our walk to A heart has four paws shelter today.’ (Because despite his two jobs and being a scholarship student at one of the tier universities in this country, Peter still made the time to volunteer at an animal shelter. Tony was starting to worry if the precious boy even slept anymore)

Peter most certainly deserved to have someone take care of him.

“You have received a text message from Miss Romanoff, Sir.” Jarvis voice interrupted his thoughts jarringly.

“What’s it say, J?” He didn’t think she had encountered any problems with her mission.

“It states ‘Mission accomplished. On my way back.’, Sir. Do you wish to give her any further instructions`?”

“No. Tell her good job and to treat herself to some sight seeing if she likes. Not every day one get’s to visit Rome. Well, unless you are me, of course.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Would Peter like to go to Rome? It was said to be one of the most romantic cities in the world, wasn’t it? Maybe keep that in mind for a second date.

“It has now been 35 hours since you last slept. As per your own-”

“Yes, yes, I know. Stop yapping at me, J.” He threw his hands up in surrender. “Save everything we have so far into my private folder. Separate the videos and photos of Peter into their own. Also, make sure I have some free time tomorrow when Peter is on his way back home from that restaurant he works at. I plan on running into him, completely coincidentally, of course.”

“Of course, Sir.”

For the first time in a long time, the idea of sleeping didn’t seem like a necessary inconvenience. He was looking forward to what his imagination could come up with, after those videos.

What sweet dreams he was about to have.

The next morning, the news were overflowing with reports of Norman Osborns demise. The business man had been on vacation in Rome, and suffered a fatal heart attack. He had apparently mixed up his medication. It was a tragic accident.

tbc..

@itfeelssogoodmrstark @starkravingspiders @spadestorm696 @diamondheart31 @the-neon-demon  @unknownshadyperson

[daturanerium]

finished season two of the magnus archives! here is my s2 livetweet thread and here are my reflections/predictions from season one. 

jon:

you are so fucking stupid. so incomprehensibly dumb. it is absolutely incredible how you lack any brain cells at all.

if jon was a dnd character he’d have a plus three to intelligence and a negative two to wisdom. i’m right.

[jon voice] people care about me? Must Be A Manipulation Tactic!

[jon voice, continued] literally everyone except for me is a) a murderer, b) using me, or c) hiding something. i, however, am totally fine and also sane and if you imply otherwise you are definitely Hiding Something and i need to stalk you.

seriously it’s a goddamn miracle he wasn’t fired or didn’t just like....explode on the spot

that awkward moment when you befriend a cop and get tapes that may lead to your successor’s cold murder case being solved but in the process you learn that you and your place of employment are actually owned by The Great, All-Powerful [REDACTED] 

it’s so interesting listening to a man’s mental health and sanity decline in real time!

martin: do u want some tea? jon: you’re going to kill me huh?

[jon voice] it is a good idea for me to enter these dangerous tunnels alone on multiple occasions. i am fine. 

his fatal flaw is still pursuit of knowledge. love that for him. 

baby please you work for an entity that probably literally thrives off knowledge.......please grow some brain cells in season three before you literally die doing something stupid

i literally can’t say anything more about s2 jon that isn’t me just repeating “stupid dumb paranoid baby” over and over again

martin:

martin [shaking hands emoji] me playing the mediator as our family loses their minds around us

martin blackwell recieves everything he has ever wanted and needed challenge!!!

baby i love you

HE CARES SO MUCH AND NOBODY CARES ABOUT HIM.......

martin’s job this season is literally the concerned husband but we’re not ready to talk about that yet

my dude really stepped up at the end! he was gonna fight michael in hand to hand combat for jon and sasha and i’m so proud of him!

martin went from baby to hold my flower

martin saw some shit in season one and now he’s a badass

his poetry.....i cried i literally love him so much

when he was talking to tim in the tunnels and he just breaks. and yells. and says he wants to get out of here and save jon and help sasha and be happy and you know what if everything DID turn out in the end that would be kind of nice actually!!!!

we didn’t see much of him this season but from what we did, especially at the end......the character development.......he’s so much braver now, so much more ready to confront the horrors of the world around him. martin is one of those special people that runs on love and uses love as a driving force to fight for the things he needs. 

i hope someday martin gets to sit down in a nice little cottage in the middle of nowhere with someone who loves him and just. relax. it’s what he deserves.

tim

you are the only bitch in this house i ever respected

literally just trying his best

so incredibly valid

GIVE HIM A BREAK

as someone who is the least confrontational person on the planet i really respect and admire tim calling jon out on his bullshit

that scene was so cathartic.....god.....

@ THE ELDRICH BEING RUNNING THE ARCHIVES CAN YOU PLEASE LET HIM GO HE JUST WANTS TO LEAVE

tim at the beginning of s2: hey jon you okay? you’re acting weird and it’s kind of freaking us out tim at the end of s2: fuck archivist lives and jon in particular,

and you know what? he’s right

i hope tim gets to go home. it won’t happen but i can dream.

are we just gonna brush over that part in the finale where michael just???? bamfed them to another dimension or something????? because neither tim nor martin seemed the least bit phased

honestly tim/jon has rights. i enjoy it.

he’s just so angry and hurt and done. he’s reached his limit. goodbye

get tim out of the archives s3!!! do it!!!

gertrude

wow i love you

every time i hear gertrude’s voice i just go [one thousand teary-eyes emojis]

there’s a lot we don’t know and there’s a lot that she knows. i wish we could like. raise her from the dead or something. altho honestly with a horror podcast who the hell knows

jon listening to/hyperfixating on gertrude is just a fancy way of him claiming her as his new mother figure

GOD I LOVE HER I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HER CAN WE GET A SPINOFF PLEASE

basira and daisy

the only cops with rights

that part where tim thought basira was jon’s girlfriend and they both dissolved into gay panic.....priceless

daisy step on me challenge. i’ve met her twice and i love her.

honestly basira is such a badass. stealing from the cops while being a cop? that takes guts and i really respect her lack of respect toward cops while being one

not to mention that entire business with that sentient cult darkness shit. she killed it in there (no pun intended). give her like a purple heart or something idk how cops work

daisy.....please tell me your secrets. what have you seen. what do you know.

melanie

please work for the archives i am BEGGING you

my ghost hunter girlfriend

i love her and jon’s relationship. just pure loathing. tension between the hunter and the archivist. i live for that shit.

but under that it’s like Oh Shit I Actually Care A Lot???? like their loathing comes from their businesses being judgemental enemies, but personally they actually have a lot in common and care for each others’ wellbeing.

i really hope melanie sticks around so we can learn more about her and see her friendship with jon grow into....an actual friendship

shes also a total badass and both her research and deducing skills are so good. she’s just a great archive candidate overall.

michael

[REDACTED]

what the fuck are you

what the fuck do you want

why do i like you so much.

okay there’s a lot more going on here but i’m putting my predictions under the cut!

okay lets check out my predictions from last time.

okay this one was partially right! “entities” rule the world apparently, and the archive is run by one of them. sort of got that!

.....yeah that didn’t happen.

hell yeah! i’m proud of myself for this one, even though the time loop part wasn’t true. i thought “time loop” because her voice started echoing when she hit the table, but turns out that was just her crazy long copy taking over. oh well!

nope. gertrude was killed by elias, apparently. fucker.

WELL.........

okay. this one is complicated because i was sort of correct but there’s still a lot of information i don’t know. gonna give myself half credit for this one i think.

REMEMBER IN THE FINALE WHEN MARTIN THOUGHT HE SAW SASHA AND TIM HAD TO STOP HIM FROM RUNNING IN TO SAVE HER? YEAH.

okay, season three predictions. let's go.

(disclaimer: while i haven’t been actively looking up spoilers or engaging in the tma tag, i also haven’t muted the tag or anything associated with it. i have ideas of what’s to come but they’re vague and mostly come from fanart on my dash/timeline).

jon just gives up. he’s having to much of a crisis to do anything other than his job.

jonmartin endgame still

michael becomes a sort of??? constant presence??? at the archive. everyone just kind of accepts it.

the books and the entities make a lot more things make sense. that’s really vague i know but like. 

predictions for the entities:

fire/destruction 

knowledge (jon stans rise up)

empty/alone (these stories always get to me the most. the ones where you’re endlessly falling or trapped in a cave or can’t sleep or stuck in space. shit scares me more than anything else)

chaos (i think michael is with this one. the doors also fit into this category, and maybe that shipping company)

death/id (brings out the bareness of human instinct. the meat, the bloodlust, and the death. maybe even the bugs go here, but they’re confusing. i don’t know where they fit.)

each entity represents a deep-set human fear. they were created to either teach us lessons or keep us in line.

sometimes they have devoted followers. sometimes they have disciples or avatars. you can lose yourself to them if you aren’t careful. jane was probably an avatar, that girl with the heat powers on hilltop road was an avatar, that guy with the lightning powers was an avatar, etc.

the books can teach you how to connect with the entities, but you have to be actually insane to try it. (if you aren’t already, you certainly will by the time you finish the reading/ritual. if you even survive)

anyway back to actual plot.

jon learns more from gertrude’s tapes about elias and the archives. maybe even the entities. he doesn’t want to know, but as we’ve learned, he Just Can’t Not Know. 

jon finally grows a brain cell and lets people (martin) take care of him. a little.

tim is just there. he hates it but he can’t leave. (someone please get him out this is so sad)

melanie and basira join up with the archive, but for different reasons. melanie because jon asks her to, basira because despite her best interest she couldn’t stay away.

at the end of the season we’ll either meet a powerful avatar person of one of the entities themselves. that will be.....interesting. 

elias gets hit by a bus. won’t happen but i can dream.

what ever happened to that one man from season one who had the dreams about death? i loved his statement. is there anyone out there like him? will jon receive a message like gertrude did?

WHAT IS THE LIGHTER FOR. i completely forgot about it until i looked at my last predictions and saw it mentioned.

martin is more active in tapes (again unlikely but i can dream. i love him)

that’s about all i got! i’m going to post this and immediately start season three. wish me luck :)

[longeyelashedtragedy]

this has been the most wild fuckin year so let’s do a Year in Review shall we

in terms of internet and fandom life, that is. my real life has been atrociously boring but who cares about real life amirite folx

january probably the only calm month of the year.  i spent the first day of the month watching the brazilian inauguration in burgos, spain with one headphone in, while ordering for my family in a restaurant where nobody spoke english (my sister speaks decent spanish, but my whole family has like 8194814 food restrictions so it kind of went past her level of ability). translating between spanish and english with portuguese in one year was kind of awesome. i watched bodyguard and it was amazing!  what else...in january i briefly owned the issue of spanish GQ with Luka on the cover which i then forgot about until november. other than that...? nada.  the calm before the storm. (fav music)

february was so long ago that i keep forgetting how insane its 28 days were.  probably the wildest month of the year really. i got involved in an absolutely batshit and exclusive group chat with a famous person’s family member (which must remain confidential). it was all sunshine and rainbows for a week and a half and it then devolved into the most absolutely insane Lord of the Flies situation ever--it turned into 1 main chat and then 1 chat that was less puritanical than the main chat, and that chat spawned another chat that didn’t trust the previous chat, and then that chat had a massive argument and a like 6-person bitchy chat modded by a gay guy who does voodoo (shoutout to ALCIDES) spawned from that one.  i made it into every level of group chat and was asked by the tiny bitchy chat to spy on the other bitchy chat (i did not lol). i was a member of the tiny bitchy chat until i got a new phone and was logged out of whatsapp for like a month.  these words can’t even convey what this chat was like--oh and did i mention it was all conducted in only my 3rd-best language? it’s no wonder my weird ass survived middle school almost entirely unscathed.  as this was winding down, on the very last day of the month, I found out about Justin’s involvement in the SNC-Lavalin scandal and decided to go public about my years-long boner for him; Lavscam definitely changed the course of the rest year ~ Oh, also i began helping to repair a friendship that had had some Drama go down so that was p cool ~ (fav music)

march was a Time. The insanity of lavscam helped me finally finish the macdeau I started writing the previous December when a bunch of tungelr people called me disgusting for writing it.  i wrote my first straight-up serious explicit porn in years which has wound up being the third-longest thing i’ve ever published on ao3. Also, Hozier released Wasteland, Baby! which made a huge impact on me as well.  i spent like half of march staying up till 3:30 am writing said Long Fic, and i was firmly in the closet about stanning manu. also justin almost got a vote of no confidence or something and he got busted for eating a chocolate bar during a parliamentary all-nighter.  (fav music)

in april i wrote a ton of fanfic thanks to declining mental health(tm).  i think this is when i started my emmanuyell insta account and became really into making weird edits (which i still love doing just...don’t anymore.)  i started meeting some cool people thanks to macdeau.  what else happened in april? i feel like it wasn’t actually too eventful other than writing a lot of fanfic and being Annoyed about manu.  feel free to jog my memory lol.  oh i think i wrote “Okay so who from the French national team are we gonna ship Manu with” on twitter after seeing photos of manu + antoine griezmann at the World Cup but nothing came of that...at that time... (fav music)

may saw me having to deal with my shit mental health and up my meds but that seems to have had a good effect because i seem to not be too depressed to write in the winter/fall anymore! it was the 2nd anniversary of manu’s election and at the Christchurch Call in paris, macdeau took that amazing fairytale princess photo together that was completely unrivalled in Gay Shippy Feels moments until ivan went out of his way to kiss luka during the el clásico gameplay last wednesday. someone wrote ao3′s first griezmanu drabble and at the end manu gets down on his knees in front of antoine, takes off his shoes for him, and sucks his dick, and i achieved another state of being entirely.  my sister graduated from grad school and when we went down to DC for the weekend i went to eat at this restaurant manu famously ate at while there and ordered the same stuff he did and i have no idea how he consumed all that grease.  i learned about the song O Come, O Come, Emmanuel *snort*. i feel like other things happened in may too?  OH YES--i got the idea for my magnum opus, Trophy Boyfriend, and started to write it. the first scene i wrote was justin blowing manu in the hallway. then the same day i wrote the scene at the airport (which was the ending for a solid month and half till i realized it shouldn’t be), and the saddest scene in the fic--but we’ll stop to open presents.  oh! and i stumbled across the macronists discord chat which is such a delightful little community *weepy sniffles* (fav music)

june was Eventful.  a french neonazi on tumblr told me to go let manu fuck me in the ass because i was a fucking degenerate.  what a start!  then came the ceremony in which manu awarded everyone on the french national team the legion of honor medal and the way he and antoine looked at each other was truly...Wait it was the 3rd Gay Shippy Feels moment of the year.  as soon as the ceremony was over i wrote a fic about it and haven’t looked back.  between this + watching almost every 2018 World Cup game and the women’s world cup (during which I cried during argentina’s last game because of that miraculous penalty) i finally achieved my years-long goal of getting into Futbol(TM).  Antoine dropped his spotify playlist and my crush on him turned into Intense Love (TM) and also he introduced me to some legit awesome artists.  which led to (fav music)

july, in which i wrote “ça c’est ma dope” which is definitely the best thing i’ve written since i wrote “modernity towering in front of the sky” almost exactly 10 years before. got embroiled in Soccer Transfer Drama and learned its pain for the first time (unfortunately, since i wound up attaching my heart-wagon to barça’s Suddenly Least Favorite Player, the transfer drama pain has...never ended) became a full-fledged culé, O the joy O the honor.  i wanted to ship antoine with someone on the team, which in their current chemistry-less season is a real challenge, but after seeing a few photos i decided it would be fun to casually ship antoine + ivan rakitic (partially because, ever since i went from Enemies to Lovers with the croatia NT during the World Cup, he was one of the only players i knew anything about other than messi, suárez, and piqué lmao). while looking on ao3 to see what kind of headcanons people had about him--and the fic is definitely in general better than what’s out there about antoine, which is perplexing because antoine is much easier to write than ivan--i found That Amazing Rakidric Fic and thought “oh wait that ship makes a lot of sense” and started also shipping ivan and luka with the fire of a thousand suns.  oh and my air conditioner was broken for like 3 weeks. i worked on more fics, seriously outlining the path of Trophy Boyfriend, and my music taste was killer. (fav music)

in august i finished Trophy Boyfriend in my neighborhood Starbucks after writing the scene that was giving me the most trouble (the scene at the beginning where they’re organizing their book collection). the fic has made multiple people cry and people disagree on whether justin’s choice at the end was the right one and god i’m so proud of it.  Instantly went on to write ‘i might not mind,’ a lively lighthearted Friends to Lovers ivantoine~ romp which was definitely going to be a one-off and i was definitely not going to get an extra celeb crush out of it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, (fav music)

in september ivantoine became A Thing in my mind and it’s a whole ongoing slow-burn character-arcy series that has taken a very different turn than i had expected. i’m not saying it’s like, the most deep writing of all time, but it’s gone to some interesting places emotionally. honestly, ships and boners aside, the concept of a person who made some really stupid homophobia 101 comments many years ago slowly realizing over and over again that they have gay feelings for a man who seems rather comfortable with gayness is a fascinating one and one that’s really cool to explore in writing.  Or at least, i think so.  in many ways ivan is my most unreliable narrator because of the many layers of Discomfort, Emotion and Repression at play in the fic while he’s interacting with this pretty cheery and uncomplicated seeming-dude who’s still perceptive enough to sort of know what’s going on (and that’s not even adding in the star player/falling from grace former rockstar dynamic!!!)  i know in the current climate it’s Not Allowed to write about someone who said a bad, but luckily i’m too old to give a Fuck. ivantoine is hard to write but it’s my bff’s favorite ship of mine and has a few other excited fans on ao3 which tbh is kind of an accomplishment considering i made it up out of thin air and it’s not something you’d ever think would be a thing. instantly also developed ‘getting called out about ivan by a child on the internet’ as a goal.  and...i achieved my dream of leading high holiday services!!! (fav music)

october had more high holiday services and i worked a lot on certain fics (including d*janfic which would be fun to finish). i came up with the idea of a Very Long Rakidric Fic based on the translation of a gorgeous croatian folk song i sang in college (Janko fell asleep under the poplar/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me/Under the poplar's golden branch/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me/I tore off the golden branch/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me--in which the golden branch is a reference to a way to get into the underworld). decided to start quarter-assedly learning croatian for fun.  Fun...ha.  other than fangirling a lot and watching the croatian NT play, october was pretty uneventful? i think? Justin got reelected and mauricio didn’t ;( (fav music)

in november i finally achieved my dream of having a literal child on the internet call me out about being attracted to a homophobe.  (they were a madridista even!) accidentally started writing some more rakidric and now i’m seriously hooked.  also accidentally came out of the closet about the secret crush i’d been harboring on luka modric and then one fateful day in the ihop on 14th st i realized i’d had this crush already and repressed it from my memory. Don’t do that kids! now it’s Hurting Really Bad. Ivan dropped the most pathetic and candid interview like...ever and i hope “¿Cómo puede disfrutar uno? Jugando al fútbol. ¿Cómo se siente mi hija pequeña cuando le quitan un juguete? Triste. Yo me siento igual. Me han quitado la pelota, me siento triste” goes down in the history of most epic futbol quotes of all time.  (still haven’t actually been able to watch this because no one has uploaded it anywhere)  What else...............Am i forgetting anything? i celebrated my birthday with @tender-vittles in epic fashion after two years of Not doing that, and turned 32 going on 15.  enjoyed my first-ever “x reader” fic (zlatko dalic x reader LOL) and finished “drive your plow over the bones of the dead” which was real fucking good. i saw hozier live and it was a religious experience and i unexpectedly cried during nina cried power and then called myself “Luka B” when ordering at the classy taco bell across the street after getting a glimpse of alexxx ryan in the flesh. (fav music)

now it’s december and my seasonal depression is a little worse than it’s been the past few years but i’m managing.  still shipping and writing and i just got called out about ivan again last week.  i’m 2 for 2 here!  el clásico was boring but also it was gay and my heart my heart my heart ! Anything could happen in the last 10 days of this year and honestly...I’m pretty sure I’m ready.

Most importantly this year, despite it being not that great in a lot of ways, I developed a lot more self confidence, made many important realizations, and became a lot more peaceful (despite how this post makes me sound) and wiser and less bitter and pessimistic.  And i became outspoken enough about antisemitism on the left to lose friends over it...3 for 3.  i can’t say i’m displeased with these developments.

Hasta 2020! <3

[dxmedstudent]

Roger Kneebone, professor of surgical education at Imperial College London, said that a decline in hands-on creative subjects at school and practical hobbies at home means that students often do not have a basic understanding of the physical world.Backing a campaign by educational thinktank the Edge Foundation to encourage more creative subjects in the national curriculum, Kneebone said spending hours engaged in virtual worlds was no substitute for experience in the real world.

Okay, you know what? I’m mad. Not at the interestingly named Mr Kneebone, but at the wider picture. Whilst the popularityof smartphones is real, there are still lots of young people out there making artistic things and being practical with their hands.  I just think it’s harder for those people to get into medicine. You want students to be more creative? Stop putting up the grade requirements for what you need to get into med school. There’s no reason why someone with A*AA would be a better doctor than someone with AAA or even AAB. You need someone with academic skills, but getting good grades is more than enough proof of someone’s ability to understand the basics and work hard; they don’t need to have ‘perfect’ results. Because it’s hard to balance A levels and getting the high grades you need to get in, with the extracurricular activities you need for emdicine, and preparing for the entrance  . And frankly, well-meaning older figures who got into med school when the grade boundaries were much lower, probably can’t always understand what the pressures are like today, unless they listen.

But Arts and crafts are incredibly time consuming and therefore difficult. And other arts that help with manual dexterity (say, playing an instrument) are also very time -consuming. Everyone likes the idea of a student who can play the violin or paint well, but they also like the idea of picking students with the absolute highest numerical marks; they want to have their cake and eat it. We end up with students feeling pressured to spend less time on creative exploits, only to be told that they aren’t developing enough skills because they gave up playing the piano or doodling to get the grades to get in and stay in medicine. But if you basically demand students have absolutely exceptional grades and ever increasing percentages in their exams, you’re basically guaranteeing that students who are creative will  be forced to put less time into their hobbies or give up entirely, in order to keep up with the demands. Because there’s only so much time in the day. And most of the creative students I know didn’t necessarily get the absolute best grades; they did welll, sure, but the students who do absolutely best in exams are often those with very little life outside of revision. I’m a crafty person; I learned to knit, to embroider, to sew. I taught myself to draw, to paint, to create. I’m exactly the kind of former med student that is perfect on paper in this context And you know what? That’s only ever been an interesting aside in medicine; my skills and interests in that arena have never been valued seriously, because when it matters, the criteria always default back to things like grades or publications, and eportfolios are another kind of hell entirely. At the med school application level, hobbies are a very small part of applications compared to grades, entrance exams, interviews, and the entirety of your personal statement, though at least they are acknowledged in that context. Further up, they count for a lot less. The emphasis is much more on other achievements. Which is what it is; there’s a lot to be said about medical training, progression, and what we choose to value or allocate points for when it comes to applications etc. But the point here is that it’s not entirely fair to criticise people for not allocating a huge amount of time to pursuits that you don’t in any way encourage or value when it comes to it. I am creative in spite of being in medicine, rather than being enabled by it.  If you really think creativity adds to medicine, then perhaps encouraging it, or explicitly valuing it in those who take the time, would encourage more people to be open about their interests, and encourage more people to keep up with them. Maybe this’d all be very well, if working in medicine itself didn’t crush the creativity, mental health, and general life out of the people who work in it. Many people I’ve worked with have expressed concerns with how medicine is increasingly becoming dominated by basic ‘service provision’ (i.e keeping the service running, but at the expense of learning opportunities or chances to really engage with patients), and protocols, and how the ability to think creatively in medicine is increasingly stifled because our progression is 100% about ticking boxes on our portfolios, which are surprisingly hard to actually do, because there’s just so many boxes to tick on top of working busy jobs with plenty of oncall 12h shifts. From what I know about surgical training, I don’t think it’s any healtheir than general medical training. There’s probably a lot that we could improve. And I agree, these hobbies and skills and being good with your hands is definitely important for medicine, particularly surgery. They are also just really, really fun in general, and it’d be great if more people got to explore their creative side. I don’t see the world as being separated between ‘creatives’ and non-creatives; I really believe that anyone can get into creative hobbies at any time in their life, and that there’s a creative hobby out there for everyone, potentially. One of my best friends picked up drawing again in her 30s, and I’m so glad she did, because it’s amazing how quickly she’s improved, and how much joy she gets out of it, and I honestly enjoy seeing her journey so much. So many people tell me “Ah you draw? I wish I could draw! I’m no good at that!”, but I think that they might well have more potential than they realised, if they didn’t feel put off by the idea that you have to pick up a hobby as a child, or else you won’t be any good. But that doesn’t ahve to be true, and anyhow, hobbies or creating don’t have to be about being good, they can be about enjoyment. But I don’t think it’s constructive to bemoan youngsters “not doing X enough” in general, or act like we’re divorced from all this. We, those in medicine, those who shape training, those who pick the criteria for what students get in, and those of us who shape society (that’s everyone, you included) also shoulder the responsibility. If we want students to do something, it’s up to us to facilitate that. To encourage. To give them the tools and the environment where exploring new hobbies is encouraged. To form an environment where students can learn these skills, and develop these experiences. I learned the fibre arts from my mum; many people might not have that kind of encouragement at a young age if their parents missed out on it. So how can we encourage kids into woodwork, or crafting, or music. Music is another rant and post altogether; learning instruments is expensive and difficult and it’s easy for a wealthy person to say ‘why aren’t kids learning instruments?’ as if everyone has the money to give their kids bassoon lessons. But in reality it can be hard to encourage participation in  we need to think about how to encourage kids to try new things, and to dedicate time to hobbies, in a world that increasingly puts more and more time demands on us all.

[just-osomatsu]

Hey man i just want you to know i appreciate you keeping the blog up even if the anons can be a bit,, "much" sometimes. You're great and this blog is great. Osomatsu isn't great tho, fuck you Osomatsu.

WHEW THANK YOU.. i’m sorry it hasn’t been very active and it gets kinda wild when i do start posting so thanks for stickin with me through it all! i’m hijacking your ask to explain my absence let’s get serious under the cut

ToBeHonest it’s gotten really difficult to keep updating it for several reasons but mainly my health as well as the fact that i don’t really care for ososan as much anymore (mainly due to how exhausting the fandom is). physical health still isn’t great but my mental health especially has continued to decline and i can’t afford my medication which creates the fun cycle of Not Being Able To Work Without Medication But Not Being Able To Afford Medication Without Work which is a shitty place to be stuck in. i’m workin through it though. also i haven’t been able to draw for weeks because anxiety/depression have been kicking my ass THAT bad it sucks

then there’s the issue of not liking ososan which kinda makes this blog a chore y’know? i mean, i still like pieces of it, but i’ve been here since beginning and i’ve met so many good and so many bad people and at this point, just about to hit 3 years of -san, and i’m just.. tired. i do still have attachments to this blog, i get nice anons occasionally and today i even got a really wonderful dm from just. random people who wanna be nice and it?? makes me really happy. i appreciate those asks abd messages a lot even if i take a while to respond to them, or to the anons i haven’t responded to at all because i couldn’t get myself to update the blog and i felt too guilty about it to respond to jsut those anons.

and lastly… The Guilt (section title). i feel really bad about how far i’ve strayed from the blog’s original intention: just osomatsu. now it’s cluttered with me talking and not drawing, karamatsu is here, at some point i threw persona into the mix and now the blog is a mess. i feel awful about it, like i’ve disrespected the jyushimatsu blog that inspired this and the other matching blogs that stayed true to their urls. and not only is it filled with shit but i can’t even keep it updated:/ it’s really worn me down i guess.

i’m really conflicted because a part of me still likes this blog but in truth the only thing i really still like is being able to converse with everyone, i love getting silly asks and messages but the rest of it is a chore. i can’t draw and even trying to draw shitposts is nearly impossible for me recently. the only time i do find some enjoyment in it is when i mix fandoms (which is why i keep putting persona on here i don’t realize how much i do that until i scroll thru the blog oops)

i haven’t left the blog yet because i want to be able to come back here and be active and enjoy it again but i haven’t reached that moment yet and instead the guilt just keeps building up

this got really long and i don’t have the energy to read over it so i’m sure it’s unorganized as hell but you guys probably get the point if you even read it

if you did read this far i love u, and to everyone who follows me thank u so much for sticking around especially those of you who’ve been following me for a while. i recognize a lot of my active followers and i wish i could reach out to you guys more, your support means a lot to me! i’m very sorry for my absence, i’m just. stuck and i honestly don’t know what to do at this point, but i’ll keep updating when i can, even if it’s kinda wild or off-topic or ooc or whatever. i can worru about that stuff later if i decide to take this blog seriously again but for now i’ll just have fun with it, and if anyone wants to unfollow or blacklist the url for that reason i don’t mind

i have a main blog (although i haven’t been on tumblr much lately) and a twitter that i occasionally give out to those who dm me and i feel it’s safe to share with, so if anyone’s interested that’s always an option if you wanna be in contact. i suck at conversations though so if you try to make small talk i will litcherally die.

uhh i think that’s it, sorry this is so long and i’m still not reading over it so good fucking luck if you choose to read it

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #189

“why are the children all marching into the desert to die?”

What does your trick-or-treat bag or pail look like? Pretty sure mine was usually just a plastic orange pumpkin. How old will you turn on your next birthday? 23, wow-ie. What are your plans to celebrate? Dinner with the fam, and I don't think I could possibly pass a birthday without getting a tattoo. :') Which X Factor audition(s) was/were your favorite? Don't watch it. Were you a straight A student in spelling and grammar? Yes. Were you a straight A student in math? No, I got Bs sometimes. Were you abused or do you know anyone who was abused? I know people who were. What is the name of your favorite coffee shop in your town? N/A What is fall weather usually like where you live? Usually warmish and breezy, but sometimes super cold. Do you think you have an accent? Very slightly. Do you use plastic, wooden, or wire hangers? Plastic. What is your favorite shade of yellow? Pastel. Are there any shades of blue that you don’t like? If so, which ones? No. Are you afraid of getting yelled at? YES YES YES YES I WILL CRY PLEASE DON'T Who has the best-decorated house in your town? *shrugs* What is your favorite part of Halloween? Dressing up. Is there a cemetery in your backyard? No. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? No. ;_; What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? If I actually wanted them, take them on a hay ride (spooky one if they're older and want to), decorate pumpkins together, obviously go trick-or-treating, let 'em play in leaf piles. Have you ever seen a fox? Yes. What color are the squirrels where you live? Brown. Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? Um no. What do the trees look like where you live? There's basically a shitload of pine trees, some dogwoods in spring (which fucking stink, btw), and then there's other trees idk the name of. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? YESSSSSSSSSSSS Do you find museums boring or interesting? Interesting! What was your school’s rival team’s mascot? Uhhhhh idr. What are three issues you are passionate about? Gay rights, gun control, and immigration. Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? I mean if I had to? What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? Klonopin, back when I had to take two a day. I was just barely able to function at all on three. Do you like bath bombs? Never used one, but sure. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Pussycat Dolls lmaoooooooo Do you like Disney movies? Only heathens don't. In what type of area was your first sexual encounter? A house. What do you occupy your time with on flights? Listen to my iPod. Do you ever realize how ridiculous you’re being yet continue on anyway? Sometimes in anxiety-type situations. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? No. Have you ever been punched? No. What do you usually order from Olive Garden?
 Spicy shrimp fritas oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaah How do you like your steak cooked?
 Medium well. How do you feel about bats? I'm love them. Is anyone in your family artistic? Me. Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? No. Are you emo/gothic/punk? I AM the Thicc Goth GF in my head. I'm just too poor and lazy for the wardrobe. :^) Would you date someone 20 years older than you? Nooooooooooo that's way too big a difference for me. What is your father’s middle name? John. What was the last food you got a random craving for? Sour gummy worms lmao. What is something you enjoy doing, but aren’t good at? Singing, sometimes. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, peaches, corn, cucumbers, green beans, bananas... What is your favorite Studio Ghibli film? Don't think I've watched any. If your best friend was a fictional character, who would he/she be? Why? This requires too much thinking. What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you? Ninja Sex Party's cover of "Africa" is on now. No. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? Chocolate. When was the last time you complimented a stranger? Idk. Do you know how to text without looking? Not well. What about typing without looking? Yup. Have you ever thrown rocks at a girl/guy’s window? No. When was the last time you bought a bathing suit? Like, a year back? Do you like eggnog? NOOOOOOOOOOO. How often do you see your mother? Every day. When was the last time your living room furniture was rearranged? Long time ago. When you were little, did you like watching Cartoon Network, Disney or Nickelodeon more? Disney. When is the last time that you experienced rejection–literal or imagined? By no means /serious/ rejection, but I suppose it fits the definition. Asked the tat/piercing parlor I go to about working there at the desk (the place isn't busy and I'm v comfortable there, so I think I easily could), but they let me know they currently didn't need anyone. When you are feeling down are you more likely to cheer yourself up by shopping, eating, or drinking? I've gotten loads better about it, but eating. Do you think there will be a time when our current age of rapid innovation comes to a standstill? What do you think is the limit of human technological advancement? No, honestly. It may stall, but I don't see it stopping any time soon. In hindsight, what was the most misguided/unhelpful assignment you had to do in school or college? Uhhhh idk. On any blogs or social media you may have, do you try to maintain a certain aesthetic or persona? Is this consistent across platforms or just specific to one? Not really. My less-appropriate sense of humor comes out more on Tumblr, and in some areas I type in all lowercase because I find it more aesthetically pleasing. Is there an artist or celebrity whom you admire for their craft but take issue with their personality or politics? Marilyn Manson, very easily. He's talented and unapologetically unique as all hell, but I do noooot like him as a person from what I know. What is the last party or event you were invited to but declined? Why? Are there certain events that you might be invited to which you are likely to decline? An old friend's Thanksgiving-ish friends party. I was tempted, but it was explicitly stated to BYOB and weed and I just didn't want to be in an environment where there was lots of drinking and smoking something that's still illegal in the state. I was already uncomfortable enough last time I went to a party at her house and there was so much smoking. You were also supposed to bring a piece of Thanksgiving food to contribute, but I can't cook and I didn't wanna bother Mom about it. For the last question, it's just about a "never" situation where I'm invited to a real event besides family birthday parties or meet-ups with Dad and his wife. Off the top of my head, I'd never go to a club if I was invited. Imagine your life three years from now as if things have gone perfectly, better than you would typically predict. What do you see? Living with a happy Sara in the mountains, very successful in photography and thus financially stable (or hopefully a bit beyond that), excelling in school, back to my healthy weight, my mental health is great and I'm on way fewer meds, Sara's able to breed snakes and write as a real career, COVER ME IN TATS BITCH, more piercings, a treatment/medication for hypotonia has been discovered, my niece and nephew have met Sara and been taught our relationship is not wrong (I doubt it though :x), I'm happy, it'd be nice to write with more people, I have at least one poem published, Teddy, Venus, Kaiju, Roman, Mitsu (now totally comfortable being held), and Sara's babies are still alive and kickin', Venus and Crowley have had a clutch, Sara's PMDD is under control, Dad's stopped smoking, Mom is in a healthy, fulfilling relationship, both Mom and Sara are at the weights they aim for, Nicole is with a guy she truly loves and he reciprocates properly, Mom has been treated for depression and has forgiven Dad... Man, lots of things. This question really made me look forward to creating this future. What about your personality makes you good at your job? Alternatively, why do you find yourself uniquely suited for or drawn to your ideal career path? No job, so I'll just respond to the second. Photography is pretty surprising as it requires serious communication, which y'all know isn't my forte in the least. However, I'm so passionate about it and feel knowledgeable enough on it to be confident. Plus I just love showing how beautiful the world is capable of being. Do you find it valuable or important to respect those in positions of authority simply because of their position? Does this vary based on what that position is? Nope. I'm not gonna respect an absolute asshole just because you're of a high position. It doesn't vary to me, either. Do you find that you often desire and/or enjoy sex? If not, why not and how do you negotiate those feelings with your partner? If so, what is it that you enjoy about it in particular? I'd say I desire it to a normal degree, and yeah, I enjoy it. Why, #1, it's such a passionate and intimate way to communicate how much you love and trust your partner. Then I mean it feels good so. How many times have you seriously injured yourself? Idk. Seriously... three? When was the last time you were a passenger in a car and sat in the back? In the back, idk. Did you attend Sunday School as a child? Yes. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? Yes, flute. What is the best thing you’ve ever bought at a thrift shop? This cool crashed ship lamp! It's beside my bed. Have you ever ordered an unusual drink at a bar? No. What is your favorite thing about summer? Swimming. That's it. When was the last time you went to your local library? Whew, years. Can you do a proper cartwheel? No. Have you ever been pulled aside by security at the airport? No. Are you a fast-thinker or a slow-thinker? Slow. If you were to donate to charity today, what would you donate to? The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention or The Trevor Project. What is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? Magic: The Gathering and not since my PS3 broke (I had the Duel of the Planeswalkers store game on there and I WANT IT BACK). Who was the last person you cuddled with? Sara. Did you ever go to summer camp when you were younger? No. What is your favorite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times) Gingerbread men!! Are there any television shows you own in entirety on DVD or VHS? Meerkat Manor. How far away from your house is the nearest gas station? Like, two minutes. Do you know anyone who is fluent in a second-tongue? Yeah. What is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen and who did you watch it with? The Rite, but only because the whole "raped and impregnated by a demon" shtick is a fuck to the no from me. Watched it with my younger sis years ago. When was the last time you had a bubble bath? A looooooooong time ago, I don't like baths. What was the last strong scent you smelled? Poop. Good job, Bentley. What did you buy the last time you went shopping for new clothes? A bra, I think? How did you discover your favorite band? Mom's CDs. When I was getting into my rock and metal love, I went through them and listened to albums with cool covers or bands I knew she loved, and the first happened to be Ozzy. :') Does the weather affect your mood? If so, in what ways? Yes. I have a greater tendency to feel down when it's real cloudy and sometimes rainy. If it's really hot, I'm in a worse/cranky mood. When are you most likely to be bored? Late afternoon/evening. What was the last big decision you made? Hmmm. Going back to school, maybe? Where was the last place you traveled to, and what did you do while there? Illinois. Hang out with my bby. :') What is your favorite thing to go shopping for? Clothes at Hot Topic ahhhhh. What was the last thing you received in the mail? Something for VR. What is one of your wildest dreams or ambitions? Become a well-known photographer. When was the last time you performed in front of a group of people? Years ago for dance. Who was the last person to upset you? How about the last person to cheer you up? Mom; Sara. Is there anything or anyone you’re trying to get over or let go of? No. What was the subject of your last phone conversation? Uhhh something short with Ma that I don't remember. How close do you have to be with someone before you’ll consider them a friend? I have to feel decently comfortable around them. How do you feel when a mostly unheard of band (or tv show, movie, etc.) that you love suddenly starts to gain popularity? I'm happy for them! I just hope they don't change. When was the last time you listened to new music? Uhhh recently. Do you think it is strange when a couple says “we are pregnant” rather than “I am pregnant” or “my girlfriend is pregnant”? No, I actually prefer it. You're in that shit together. Do you ever feel like you were born in the wrong era? What decade would you most like to have grown up in? No. I'm good with the '90s. What was your most memorable concert experience? Only been to one. :| But Alice was great. If you have any, are you close with your sibling(s)? Has it always been that way? Not very, and no, at least with my younger sister. We were pretty close. Do you require “closure” after things like break-ups or do you move on easily? I. Need. Closure. How long does it take for someone to earn your trust? Good luck. Do you like peanut butter? Yesssss. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school? Do/did you prefer wearing it than regular clothes? In middle school. Hell no. What’s the last thing you got really excited over? Going to Sara's. Is there a genre of movie that you just can’t watch? Action-y. What was the last song to give you nostalgia? "Holiday" by Green Day. Do you have a certain color grape you like the most? Purple. What’s your signature thing you do when drinking that will make your friends say, “Alright, they’re drunk”? N/A Have you ever been on a hot air balloon? No. What’s your definition of weird? I try to keep the mindset that "weird" doesn't exist as I'm not one to talk about things being so, yet I'm hypocritical about it and do find some things, ex. fetishes, extremely weird. Do you use shaving cream? For my legs. When was the last time you cleaned your room? Is your room clean? I dusted my whole room a while back. I need to vacuum baaadly, but ours is broken. ;-; Have you ever personally known any girl who shaved their head? Yes. Have you ever known anyone who committed suicide? Sadly. Have you ever tried to commit suicide? Yes. Have you ever coughed up blood? No. How do you wish you could die? Surrounded by family and painless. Do you have any apps on your Facebook? If so, what? No. What kind of mouse pad do you have? Don't have one. What color is your mouse? Pink. Do you know any who might be anorexic? Do you know anyone who has bulimia? Maybe? Did you ever want a pony when you were little? Idr. What’s your favorite dessert food? Ice cream. What is the closest thing to you right now that is alive? My dog. Do you exercise? I'm starting to again. Do you dislike writing school essays? Not if it's a subject I like. Are you a very open-minded person? Yes. Are you modest? I believe I am. Do you skate? No. Are you in a band? No. If you were to make it big with your own band, what would its name be? *shrugs* It depends on the members. Would you rather a friend come over to your house or you go over there? I go over there. Have you ever had rabies? No. Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot? Idk. Have you ever gone hunting? No, never would. Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb? No. Have you ever received a note in your locker? I think once from Aaron?

[orthonas]

Blog Post 3: Unhealthy Habits?

Okay so I haven’t posted anything the past couple days, partly because I’ve been depressed and tired but also because I got really into the banner saga games which are pretty fun.

Like the games have a really cool viking aesthetic from the soundtrack to the art to the story it’s all super cool and interesting, like I’m listening to the ost as I type this and I’d recommend it to anyone if they like orchestral music. The story is what’s been the most interesting so far, the game basically plays like oregon trail but you’re in the viking apocalypse instead. So just watching all the events unfold and being like oh shit that was a bad idea and all that jazz is fun. The gameplay is cool too, I guess I’m biased cuz I usually enjoy strategy games but it’s got some decent fights and stuff which are fun. I tried playing on the hard difficulty for a bit but having to plan that far ahead was irritating and I didn’t feel like playing that much for the gameplay but it’s definitely worth a try.

Although looking back on my past two weeks leading up to like me making the diary entries and getting into banner saga I have some seriously self destructive habits. Like I didn’t really think about them until I realized I just put like 20some hours into a game in the past 3 days or so, at least I think those are the right numbers they might be a bit muddled since I haven’t been thinking straight lately. Like I just tried to spell straight with an e and I don’t really know why. Like I have some serious issues with self control and trying to decide when I should do stuff like I’ve been ignoring all my schoolwork and it’s getting out of hand.

Speaking of schoolwork I haven’t gone to college for two weeks because I had a bit of a mental breakdown (what started these entries?) and I”m going back tomorrow which is a bit spooky. I’ve got like 3 exams lined up too so hypesalad for that. It’s hard to find the motivation to go to school or do anything and it gets harder the colder the weather gets. I dunno I guess seasonal depression is hitting me hard and on top of that i have to drive to school and I absolutely despise driving and that gets worse in the cold weather sot that sucks.

Plus my physical health has been declining lately, like I haven’t been eating anything substantial and my colitis has been getting worse and my dysphoria (I guess that’s more mental) has been getting worse too. Yesterday all I ate was some bread and hummus and a shake and some candy, I might have eaten some cheesy chips and salsa but I honestly can’t remember, like my memory has been getting foggier too as of late. Not sure if it’s cuz I’m depressed or from a lack of nutrients specifically hemoglobin and iron. I don’t really know though since I”m not a doctor.

Oh I’ve been reading the Holyland manga lately and that’s pretty cool, it’s sort of depressing/uplifting at the same though so the uplifting part is fun at least. I’ve read a lot of depressing stuff lately like the Bell Jar and Lonely Bones and now Holyland. The Bell Jar and Kamashiro’s backstory from Holyland are honestly some good examples of how depression is. Like it feels sort of weird and surreal and validating all at the same time to read about someone else’s experience with depression and how they felt because it’s just a good description of how depression is. That lack of desire to do anything, the fear of the future while at the same time the lack of conviction to do anything about it. It feels nice reading it I guess even if it’s sad and I feel bad for the character. And in the Bell Jar’s case the author because that’s an autobiography sort of which makes it ten times more depressing in my opinion. One day I want to write something like these stories, something that can accurately describe how depression is so that maybe I can get my feelings out? So I can feel like people understand me? I don’t really know.

Thinking about writing something like that is super daunting though like I”m not a great author/writer. Just look at these entries they’re super disconnected and floaty and random, some of the words I use aren’t even real. Maybe some day I’ll get there haha