#manifesting hope

[taylorthrift]

Grief is a terrible, incredible thing.

To most of the people here I'm an erratic fan. Shouting into the void about lost love, Taylor Swift, my gender identity, ai-doom. Each post I make takes a little more out of me and fewer people interact with me.

Only a few mutuals even understand who I am and why I'm here. This is the real, authentic me. This is a LONG READ.

When I came to Tumblr, I was grief-stricken, sobbing for the end of a 20-year relationship. Most of you are pretty young and I'm sure the idea of that is incredibly distant and impossible. Love is hard_HARD_ work.

Throughout our relationship I'd pour my heart into music and then that music into him. When we were younger it was Avril Lavigne, then it became Paramore-then it was Taylor. I didn't have the female voice to express the love to my partner that I wanted to so these womens' words became my words. A way for him to really hear me.

Near the end of the relationship, this was through Folklore specifically. When I needed desperately to feel a connection it was Invisible String. When I wanted him to see how desperately I wanted his love and attention it was Mirrorball. When I felt neglected and forgotten about it was Hoax. When I knew my depression would never leave us it was Peace.

After we split, I couldn't pour myself into that music anymore; now there was no-one to listen to my voice. I was heartbroken doubly and started screaming my grief into the void. It was 20 years, besties: 20.

I've always felt what I call art debt. It's the idea that the people who do art that moves you are owed part of the emotional movement it inspired. Basically, the people who have moved you with their art deserve to know that. Not with some generic 'your art inspired me', but the very specific: "I am who I am because of this art."

It helped make me who I was as a professional. It helped me express who I was as a lover. It built me into someone greater than I had been before.

I came to Tumblr to say thank you, hoping with some small hope that Taylor still lurked and might be able to hear the message. Taylor wasn't the person who found me and helped me in my flailing grief, it was Abby. A disabled girl half my age and suffering worse than I am.

It was Swifties who were there to catch me and help build me up. It was Dani (@meaningtotellyou) and Abby (@whydoifeelthisquiet) and Kelly (@alwaysleadstoyou) and Jam (@maryssongwhen). (with dozens of tiny interactions along the way)

If I couldn't say thank you to Taylor directly, I'd take care of some of the girls who were devoted to her. So, I stayed. I endeavored to be the Taylor that you all seemed to need.

I helped Dani and her friend get to Metlife. I sent little love letters of hope and optimism to girls who were lonely and sad. I bought off some people's debts. I volunteered to give an extra dress I had to Isabella(@missegyptiana) when she lost her luggage. I reached out continuously trying to find ways to help make lives better. I didn't do this to gain anything: most of these I did anonymously. I did this because I cared about these girls now.

Their stories deserve to be told. Their lives deserve to be better.

I learned of the ticket issues. I learned of the scamming. I spent hours researching what was going on and trying to help elsewhere against Ticketmaster. I spent hours with a lawyer. I called the federal government. The pile of Swifties that I was trying to help grew, but the number who actually knew anything about me shrunk.

Caring and being attentive to the updates and individual life struggles of 4 Swifties was hard. When it was 40 it was untenable. I kept going.

I'm not giving up on any of you, but it is killing me to be doing this alone. I am disabled. I am grief stricken. I am stretched thin. My options are to give up on you all or keep going till I burnout. Maybe you don't care about me-I don't really need you to. As someone who's had Taylor speak for her for 10 years, let me speak for her for once:

I need you to care about each other.

The world is mean and hard. Worse going through it alone. Especially if you're marginalized. Band in. Stop broadcasting and start talking to each other. You are all wonderful in your own ways and you wouldn't be nearly as lonely with each other as real friends.

I'm sorry if I'm annoying. I'm sorry if I don't shut up about AI worries. I'm sorry if it seems like I want something. I'm sorry I'm not actually Taylor. Maybe you aren't used to seeing someone actually care about your wellbeing and happiness? The erratic behavior is just fragments of me struggling to survive while not giving up on you.

I want to see you all shine. I want people to see this so people see you. Taylor's already done more for me than I could pay back in a hundred years. I don't need anything from her other than help to take care of you all.

[happyheidi]

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ. April will bring blessings.

ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

[hinamie]

...........slips gege ¥2000

[fairyrona]

i am not in the least sorry <3!!

[twinstxrs]

idk if this is accurate but i’ve felt like in previous seasons riz & gorgug have been one of the inter-bad kids dynamics we’ve seen the least of & this season has been so great in that aspect. gorgug having helped make some of riz’s magic gear. riz helping gorgug with his studies. the shared birthday party. gorgug’s gift to riz being something he himself made to protect riz. riz’s gift to gorgug being something he illegally grabbed to protect gorgug. gorgug who utilizes rage to put his body on the line for his friends & riz who will take deep levels of mental stress for his friends. even though it was within the context of a joke, riz calling gorgug an “absolute sweetie.” like yea they might not be in a band together or both part of a presidential campaign team or owlbears teammates, but they’d go to war for each other, because they’re best friends.

[mmaeiarts]

manifesting for S3 🤍🤍

[spiritualseeker777]

[napping-sapphic]

I just want to fall in love with someone who makes me feel safe like even when we’re angry or sad or upset i just want to know that both of us are still going to be okay

[bluest-fluff]

May you be filled up with hope, again and again and again. Slowly but surely, assured no matter how tenuously so, like the waiting out of the flood in the rainfall. As many times as you need, as many times as you are knocked down and emptied of it, as we human beings often are. May the patience to hold out for the hope to fill you always prevail, and may it return to fill you up, indeed.

[butchthirteen]

okay the other thing is like. can we think about why, in-universe and out, one might choose to have the doctor return to a fan favorite regeneration and a regeneration where both the character and actor were reluctant to move on? and (especially in the context of new who being about the doctor's trauma) can we think about why one might then bring in the new exciting regeneration and have that regeneration extend comfort to the prior one?

like people keep treating it like tennant and gatwa are like. competing. but it's not a competition, it's a collaboration. it's a meeting of old and new, it's a passing of the torch. and it's honestly really really beautiful to me.

[ace-of-arthropods]

manifesting

[wandoffire]

[happyheidi]

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ. February will bring blessings.

ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

[shelvesofgold]

ok so i have a hazbin hotel theory (specifically about the vees) my friend brought to my attention that i haven’t seen anyone post about so i’m gonna do it here

ok so we have all seen the v tower, it is one of the only buildings in hazbin that is given significant detail and more specifically it is one of the ONLY CIRCULAR SHAPED BUILDINGS!!!

why is this a relevant detail you ask?? because the circular shape of the v tower looks EXTREMELY SIMILAR to the tower of babel!!!

for those of you unfamiliar w/ the story of the tower of babel, essentially the story goes that humans built a tower to try and reach heaven and as punishment for their hubris god cursed them all to speak in tongues aka babble!

the story of hubris perfectly lines up w/ the current attitude the vees have, especially towards powerful players like charlie and alastor. I think they will pay a similar price for their pride, especially w/ lucifer and heaven taking a more active role in the coming season.

the vees primary influence is thru their influence so if they were cursed w/ an inability to communicate or smth of the likes it would be a MAJOR HIT to their power!!!

everything in hazbin and the hellaverse are drawn vv intentionally! the heaven embassy looks like a church, the serephim are all depicted w/ three pairs of wings, the deadly sins are drawn based on biblical descriptions of them!!! this is why i think the v tower looking like the tower of babel is not merely coincidence!!

let me know what y’all think of this theory, i’d love to know what you guys have to say about this :)))

[all-too-unwell-13]

i know it's a while off, but ...

i wonder how they're going to do aphrodite in the show. like, her appearance is CONSTANTLY changing, right?? because she looks like each person's ideal beauty, basically.

so i wonder how they're going to make her face and hair and everything shift and change all the time.

because one second, to percy, she looks like annabeth. the next, like someone else.

i wonder how they're going to edit that and have it transition between each "look" that percy sees her as.

will it flicker between shots and she'll "change" between each one?? or will the shot move to percy's face and then back and she'll look like annabeth and then someone else???

[adviceformefromme]

At what point do you stop looking back? At what point do you stop repeating the same story about the ex that screwed you over? That time you were heartbroken, in pain, suffering? How many of your thoughts and conversations are a regurgitation of the past? 

Clinging on to your pain, is not helping you move forward. You are literally harming yourself, and your future as you speak and think on the past struggles…But it doesn’t need to be that way, you can start focusing on your higher self, who you want to become, the experiences you want to have, the life you love in the present moment, the time you got treated so well. Bring in the light. Let go of the heaviness of what was. What no longer is. You are free, the past is done, let go. Lean into the future of who you are destined to be, let those be the thoughts that flood your mind. Thoughts of hope, love and expansion. Because it’s just as easy to look forward as it is to look back.