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its-in-the-woods · 3 months

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The Woman Who Couldn’t Die Part 8

master list

Part 1 , Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7,

Pairing: The Ghoul/Cooper Howard x Original Character

Alternative Universe where I make things up cause I can only research so much

Synopsis: On her feet once more, Jade is on the move. A burnt outpost and some new shoes keep our duo moving.

MINOR GET OUT. Rating/Warning: This is based on Fallout except typical horror as well as: Blo0d, G0re, Death, Bodily injury, mentions of SH, death, drugs use, soft!cooper, angst, slow burn, hurt/comfort, Dead dove,

Note: that I will not be spoiling any of the reading. I will keep my tags relevant without spoiling what is happening in the story.

*thank you to all who read and share, we are continuing are journey west

Jade was moving, sort of moving, it was more of a shuffle than actually walking. Her joints were a mess, ankles, knees, and hips all screaming at her to stop. They had torn up one of her spare shirts to make makeshift shoes, it wasn’t ideal but at least they provided some stability for her. With the regenerating monster just behind them, it wasn’t safe to stop. The Ghoul, Coop, had grabbed the bags so that she could focus on moving forward. They had taken apart the sled so she could use the two pieces of wood as makeshift crutches. Her companion had offered to give her another stimpak, but she had denied it. It was better to save it for when the sun went down. The way she was aching, she was doubtful she’d actually get any sleep.

Despite the pain and slow movement, they had made some ground, as they came up over a hill she could make out the outline of a building. Most likely an outpost, what was concerning was the smoke that seemed to be wafting off the top of it.

“Is that smoke?” She asks as they slowly make it down the hill. Her feet aching as she tensed to stop from sliding.

“Hard to tell,” The Ghoul said, gripping her arm when she almost tipped over. “If it is, we'll deal wit'it when we get ther'.”

“Us cowpokes take as we come,” Jade mumbles wincing as her foot steps on a small stone.

“Somethin' like that,” He sighs, letting go of her hand, keeping his out in case she stumbles again. “See them small rocks, let’s stop ther'.”

“I can keep going, may take all night,” Jade tries to smile, but it comes out as a grimace, as she continues to walk forward.

She was suddenly off her feet, letting out an undignified squawk as the Ghoul effortlessly carried her over to the outcrop of stones in half the time it would have taken her. Her arms wrapping around his neck, his arms cradling her back and under her knees. Lucy felt her stomach twist with butterflies at how easily he could pick her up. He got to the stones and carefully put her down.

“Umm, thank you.” Jade flushes as she moves slightly trying to get comfortable. Her body sore from the exertion, the bruises may have started to fade, but her body still knew that a monster had landed on her head.

Coop digs through her bags and grabs the stimpak, he comes over and hands it to her. “Take'it, I've got more Med-x.”

Jade sighs and shoots the stuff into her arm this time, the slight shot of adrenaline making her mouth fall open. Sitting for a moment, she lets the meds flood her blood, the stimpak dulling the ache in her joints. A buzzing feeling at her temples, it was the first time in the day she wasn’t in full body pain. Jade's body aching and twinging if she moves wrong, but it was better than before.

“I am fine, save the chems for when I am actually dying,” Jade tries to laugh it off, but the Ghoul is already handing her the meds. She glares at him, but he won’t meet her gaze. The man had been off the whole day like he was waiting for her to tip over dead.

“I am not givin' ya options, Tiny. Take ya meds so we can make't to the outpost.” He says firmly, his hat covering his features.

Jade doesn’t bother arguing, she’s exhausted and if the meds help her sleep so be it. Now slightly buzzed she relaxes against the stone, the man rifling through the bags and handing her a can of something. She shakes a few times, before opening it up.

“Already cold,” Jade sighs, wishing they could build a fire to stay warm. She was positive that the stimpak made her feel colder, even when they were walking in full sun she felt a chilly feeling in her bones.

Cooper comes over stripping off his duster, he slides down beside her draping it over both of them. She is surprised when he pulls her against him, his body is warm against hers. He pops his can of food open and eats it without saying anything. She’d take whatever comfort he felt like giving her, the buzz of the meds didn’t give her a lot of choices. Jade opens up her can, corn of some kind. She eats a few bites, the familiar nausea of meds making her stomach twist, she closes it after trying to eat a few more bites.

��Don’tya like corn?” He drawls, trying to hand Jade his can. She waves it away, she was not interested in throwing up tonight.

“No, the meds always upset my stomach,” Jade shifts, her stomach feeling bloated, she rubs at it trying to calm it down. Shifting back and forth trying to get comfortable against the rock face.

The Ghoul is up and moving, Jade’s brows furrowing at the loss of heat he leaves behind. He is over in the field crouched down looking through the grass. The gas in Jade’s stomach making her wince, at least the pain was fading, maybe she’d be able to sleep tonight. She leans against the rock pulling the coat up under her chin. She could smell him, gun oil, something smokey, a deep musk, she hums quietly enjoying being surrounded by his smell. Her eyes closing a little, the only thing keeping her awake was the occasional sharp pain of gas in her side.

She could hear her companion walking back to the makeshift camp, opening up her eyes more, she watches him squat down and pick through the bundle. It smelt like evergreen, something familiar to it, her Mom had always grown a bunch of different herbs on the farm.

“What you got there?” Jade asks shifting a bit so her face wasn’t tucked against the jacket.

“Mint,” The man said, handing her a couple of stems. Jade eagerly grabs some immediately chewing on the leaves, the cool flavor filling her mouth; the memory of eating leaves as a kid floating into her mind.

She groans leaning back against the rock, “Thank you, should help with my stomach.”

“I'll keep it on hand,” The Ghoul said, placing a few stems by his bag, before he came over to sit beside her. A pang of irritation washing over Jade when he didn’t shuffle next to her.

Jade lifted the coat motioning for him to come closer, “Get in'er or I am liable to turn to stone overnight.”

Cooper huffs, but shuffles himself over tucking her against his side. “ Dontcha get'use ta this,”

“You like it,” Jade teased her hands resting on his chest as she leaned against him. He tensed, and for a moment Jade wondered if he’d get up again and leave, but he didn’t. Instead, he moves so his hand is around her shoulders dragging the jacket up and across them both.

***

Cooper’s eyes opened as soon as he heard birds, he hadn’t let himself fully sleep, but enough that he felt somewhat refreshed. Looking down at the young woman in his arms, she had stayed pressed against him the entire night. He had felt her heart and breath change as she fell asleep. Noting that this was the first time he hadn't heard her dream. He didn’t want to move in case he woke her. When had he developed a heart for anyone other than himself? His mind running over the past few weeks, she had definitely made things interesting.

The image of just her hands hanging out off that creature made his heart pound. He had thought she was dead. Jade should be dead. Yet here she was curled up beside him, batter and bruised worse than when he had first met her. Still, she persisted, fighting him the whole way. He thought about the Enclave, she had spent time there. Was that why she was still alive? Did they give her something that made her able to endure all this?

His hand ran over her hair, it had mud, sticks, and other things. Despite all that, the scars and bruises. She was still the prettiest little thing he had seen in the Wastes. The rational part of him knew this was a dangerous path to take, that the girl would end up dead one day; Enclave serums or not. The worst out of all of it though, was that she could end up looking like him. The thought made his stomach turn, he had made peace with who he was. The fact he would one day he'd run out of chems and have to put a gun to his head. It didn’t mean he wanted to drag someone down that path with him.

She isn’t going to give you much of a choice

The Ghoul scowled at that thought, damn brain had been quiet for a while now. Sans the mind-altering hallucinations, that could have been the woods. So why was it talking now?

“So what're you proposing?” The Ghoul said, to whoever was talking to him through his own damn rotten brain. It had never sounded like anyone he could remember, more like a distorted mix of several people.

Take her with you. Best thing to happen to you in the Wastes.

He scowls some more looking over as the sunlight bounces off the field. "Just so I can watch her die?”

You don’t know that Cooper Howard

Hearing his own name, rattling around his brain made him want to throw things. “Yeah, I ama pretty certa'n everyone around me is dead Or grown old, and I'm still walkin'.”

The silence was deafening, his hand pulled his companion closer to him. “Sure go quiet now, damn piece of shit conscious. Fine. I will take her. But when she dies I am blaming you.”

His stomach was in knots and his free hand found his inhaler and he took a shot. The numbing feeling pushes any of the lingering voice away. The silence was a reassuring comfort that he wasn’t losing his mind.

The girl tucked against his side moved. He was grateful that she hadn’t caught him talking to himself again. The last thing she needed was to be worrying about him. She yawns and blinks those big eyes at him, the green and gold mixes with brown making his heartache.

“Mornin’,” She mutters, pushing herself up against the stone, moving her head back and forth, popping her neck. He can hear her heart speed up a little as she flexes all her joints, holding both her hands up bending the leftover fingers on her left hand, and then her right.

“Did ya sleep okay?” He asks, sliding his hand back from where it rested, watching Jade closely as she runs her fingers over the missing digits.

Jade nods, stretching some more, his eyes watching the way her skin moves in the morning light. Moving the jacket off her to flex her bandaged-covered feet, more pops but they were moving.

“Wouldyah mind helping this gibbled lady up?” She asks, the Ghoul is up on his feet hand out to help her up.

He pulls her up, her hands soft in his as she stands up. She didn’t wobble too much, her feet more steady underneath her. Jade moves about the small area, sure-footed. He let go of her hand, as she strolls back and forth a few times. Wiggling her toes, and rolling her shoulders, it was the most comfortable she had looked since the ordeal.

“Well I be damned, Tiny,” Cooper says, happy to see her moving with little to no pain. “Look at you moving on your own.”

Jade did a small jig, throwing her hands up and twirling a little. “I feel right as rain.” She moves over to him, green-streaked eyes watching his. “I have you to thank, Cooper, for keeping my ass alive.”

She was close to him now, no more than a breath in between them. He watches, his body frozen, as her hands come up to run over his shirt. Fingertips running over the bandoleer, tracing each bullet. Leaning up on tiptoes, hand on his chest covering his heart, she kisses him. His hands found her hips, resting against them, as he kissed her back. They both break the chaste kiss, Jade resting her head against his chest.

“We should get going.” The Ghoul said, patting her awkwardly on the shoulder. She didn't say anything, nodding and moving over to her bags. Grabbing her backpack she goes to slip in on, the Ghoul snatching it from her and his bag. She glares at him but follows without argument.

***

The place wasn’t much, whoever had lit the fire had done a piss-poor job. Half the building was black but for the most part, but it still stood. Jade was happy the grass around it hadn’t gone up. Wouldn’t have been the first time a fire had ripped through what was left of the country. They both stood there looking around at the scene. Jade was a little anxious to go into the building, she had been able to walk there without many issues. But her feet were starting to hurt, the bandages weren’t exactly comfortable. She kept this to herself, she didn’t need Coop worrying about her more than he already was.

Her hand came up and rubs at her lips, thinking about Cooper that morning. He hadn’t moved, didn’t run, even kissed her back. The thought made her cheeks feel hot. She knew she was pushing her luck, but she’d nearly died under a giant regenerating monster. The way Cooper talked about the thing was terrifying, something that couldn't die. Instead, it just rebuilt itself out of nothing. Even if things didn’t go anywhere if it just meant she got to cuddle up to him at night. It was better than anywhere she’d been since being chased off her farm. The safest she had been in a long time. She flexed her left hand, watching Cooper head toward the building.

“Let’s go see if we can find you some proper footwear,” Coop said, strolling up to the building. The door was long gone, nothing but empty hinges hanging onto the frame.

Jade follows cautiously, doing her best not to limp, even though she was positive there were blisters on the balls of her feet. Coming to the doorway she saw inside; it was a bloody mess, there were parts of bodies everywhere. It was hard to identify just how many bodies there might be, the smell was awful. Flies and other bugs circling the mess.

“Dang, that’s gross,” Jade mutters as she steps around the pieces. “What would do this, then light the place on fire?”

The Ghoul looks around, eyes always scanning the area. “Probably people and the critters took care of the bodies.”

Jade grimaces as she digs around, finding two matching boots, being small meant most things fit. These were a little big but all things considering at least they were somewhat clean and blood-free. The Ghoul was going through drawers, and anything left standing. There wasn’t much, some cans, a few chems, but overall the place was mostly a bust.

“Hopin' we’d find a little more,” Jade sighs, finding a somewhat clean ledge to sit on. She leans down to start unwraping her feet, Cooper coming toward her in a few strides.

“Let’s do that outside,” He said quietly, ushering her out. He grabs the only standing chair and places it on the path, gesturing for her to sit. “Sit, let me.”

“I am more than capable of doing this myself,” Jade argued, but the Ghoul smacks her hand out of the way.

“Don’t be stubborn.” He growls, eyes shielded by his hat. She sighs and lets him unwrap her feet. They still had a yellow hue to them but were less puffy. He set her feet down gently on the dirt, moving back inside he came out with a mostly intact pair of socks. He rolled them up her feet. Grabbing the bandages, he wraps them in a way that holds her ankles in place, before putting her feet into the new boots.

“Try not to cut these ones up.” Jade teases, the Ghoul looking up at her from under his hat, shaking his head.

“So shoulda just left the boots on?” The Ghoul muses, “Just left them dislocated?”

Jade chuckles, wiggling her feet back and forth, “Suppose they aren’t too bad feet. Not like I can attach others to them.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen some of the stuff the Enclave has done. I don’t recommend it.” Cooper says standing up now that her boots were tied. “We should keep movin', whatever, whoever could still be hangin' around.”

Jade was up, the firm soles of the shoes made up for the fact her feet slid a bit. The blisters are not nearly as noticeable with the socks. She follows after Cooper, he still has her bag, and refuses to give it up when she asks. So she made do following him down the road continuing West.

“You doin' okay for chems,” She asks, looping her arm into his, he looks down at her, but doesn’t pull away.

“If yah worried bout me goin' feral. Don’t. Long way before that.” He huffs out, Jade could feel him tensing, so she unwrapped her arm from his. A cold feeling spread across her chest at his bitterness.

“Just wanted to know you were okay. Looking out for each other and all.” She stated, hoping to soothe whatever she had done wrong.

The Ghoul didn’t say anything, instead, he kept walking. She dropped it, not wanting to increase the awkward tension brewing between them. Her shoes slipping and thunking below her no matter how much she lifted her feet. Jade swallowing knowing that it probably bugs the Ghoul how much noise she made.

“Why yah do that?” Cooper asked, still looking forward, Jade looking around like she could see the answer to his question in the soil.

“What're'ya talking about? I kinda make a habit of doing stupid thin's” Jade replied, wincing when the sock moved over the blister wrong.

The Ghoul let out a huff of breath, “Yeah I’ve noticed that.” Take a puff of chem, breathing it out before continuing, “The monster, why you decide jumpin' down its throat, though dat was a good idear?”

Jade feeling his hand brush against hers as they walked, shrugging at the question, “I really don’t know. Figured we were going to die so might as well try somethin’.”

Was jumping down the throat of a creature the size of a mountain smart? No, probably not. Honestly, there hadn’t been much thought to it, the same was when she ran out the door chasing after the Ghoul. It was just instinct, a human need to keep surviving, moving her forward even now.

Cooper let out a chuckle, “Do you ever think before you act?”

Jade hummed,” Thinking never got me much, besides trouble. So I’ve decided to just go on instinct.”

“How’s that working for you?” He asked, his fingers brushing against Jade’s again. She tangles her fingers with his, as they continue down the way. Feeling happy that he didn’t have his gloves on, so she could feel the roughness of his skin.

“Well, it almost got me shot by you, and then killed by raiders, there were the big ass roaches and that weird monster thing. But I am still walking so I guess we are good.” Jade smiles, “Besides, the company isn’t too bad.” She squeezes his hand.

Ghoul squeezes her hand back, “Yeah, not too bad.”

Chapter nine

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*likes, reblogs, and comments are greatly appreciated.

*Updating one or twice a week depending, please note my schedule is getting hectic but I will continue to update! Please be patient with me

@pixelatedprofilepic @hiddlebatchedloki @toogaytofunctiondangit

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clatterbane · 1 month

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My first real appointment through orthopedics to finally try and get set up with an aftermarket leg is coming up on Monday.

The previous referral last year just didn't work out, for multiple reasons, and I was a bit bummed over that. I think part of the problem was it falling through the cracks because nobody really seems to be sure what to do with somebody showing up from completely outside their system already minus a leg.

But, we thought to ask that new endo for a fresh referral. So, I did get an intake appointment set up through ortho, with no schedule collisions this time.

In one way, I'm excited to hopefully get moving toward with the process of getting set up with a prosthetic. I would really like to be able to get around better again! And, you know, be able to take my sorry ass off paved surfaces and up steps and stuff again!

OTOH, due to the person I am? I am trying not to borrow too much trouble and drive myself crazy worrying in the meantime. Especially the closer that draws.

Frankly, not least that somebody is gonna just say, "Oops, it's been so long and this entire situation does not fit into any familiar procedures. We just can't/won't help you!”

Yeah, I know there is going to be an awful lot of PT ahead, likely before I even get to the point of any fitting. I have some other concerns about that, after some sufficiently unpleasant experiences as a troublesome-bendy individual, with rehab-focused PT after injuries/knee surgeries (directly coming from the probably-EDS) in the past. My knees are also pretty damned terrible, and also kinda further destabilized by said surgical tinkering.

But, I am much older and more confident now--and not nearly as eager to take any "no pain, no gain!" bullshit seriously. Much less push in ill-advised ways until I do my bendy self an injury.

But yeah, even right now? I would place good money if I had it on the likelihood that I am currently in better shape than 75% of the new patients they see much sooner than this after surgery. Who are statistically much older and otherwise in pretty damned bad health. Probably I've been staying more physically active over the past few years than a lot of that demographic have been able to, even under the current circumstances

Mean age at the time of the first registered amputation in our sample was 74 years (SD 14); women were older (78, SD 14, CI 77–79) than men (72, SD 14, CI 72–73). 43% of the patients were 80 years or older by the time of the primary amputation (Figure 3). The mortality rate of the registered patients was 19% within 6 months and 24% within the 1st year after the last registered amputation. The 1-year mortality rate after TFA was 40%, after KD 38%, and after TTA 24%.

("Lucky" transtibial/TTA here. Those figures are from the Swedish national database, BTW. Because there is one. You see dire mortality rates after this sort of surgery come up? That's a lot of why. Those demographics and the occasional nasty accident requiring amputation seriously skew things.)

There were reasons they kept going on about how young and healthy my middle-aged ass that had just barely cheated death was when I was stuck in the hospital in Romford. And therefore considered a candidate for prosthetics at all under that system. Not going off on that rant right now.

Still, the majority of those elderly patients in otherwise not great shape DO get successfully set up on replacement legs here. Which is encouraging, that they are likely not looking hard for excuses to avoid spending the money. (We're talking the equivalent of a new not-cheap car, back in the US. Region Skåne is still set to lay out a fair chunk of change here. We are thankfully not directly.)

I do rationally doubt that I would get turned away just because I have been off that leg for several years now, and my knees were terrible even before that. And I fucking suck at trying to use forearm crutches, which I am not at all used to and have a very different feel than the type I do have too much experience on.

But yeah, my brain just won't leave things alone as usual. That's just one of the crappiest possibilities it's seized onto right now.

#personal #venting #rambling #actuallyocd #medical stuff #amputee #prosthetics

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silverwings22 · 5 months

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Song of the Sea: Chapter 27: Speed Demon

Chapter warning: gambling, reference to injury, explicit smut Series Warning: explicit smut, alien anatomy (it's a monsterfucker fic, guys), major character injury, grief, canon typical violence, autistic meltdowns, and my terrible attempts at Mando'a

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“If you don’t stop wiggling, I’m gonna have Wrecker hold you down.” Shiani was sitting on the floor of Cid’s bar, holding an electric drill and halfway through disassembling the brace on Tech’s leg to free him.

“I am sorry, but the vibrations from the saw are making the itching worse.” Tech groaned. He hated wearing the brace, because no matter what he did it inevitably started to itch under the bandages wrapped around his actual skin. After the third time he’d tried to stick a screwdriver between the metal and gauze to scratch, Shiani had finally taken his toolkit. The boredom had driven him half insane until she got him to teach her to play dejarik.

“You gotta sit still, Tech. If I hit the femoral artery, you’ll die.” She waved the drill at him delicately, tentacle pushing him still in the bar stool while she worked.

“I appreciate your study into human anatomy, this is still uncomfortable..” He drummed his fingers against the bar top, frustration in his voice.

She hummed. “So grouchy.”

“I have been uncomfortable for weeks, and have been unable to do anything constructive since my injury.” He grumbled. He’d been stuck on the ship or bar, requiring help to get in and out of his bunk. He could sort of wobble around with a crutch, though Shiani had been helping him with everything she could, including keeping him upright in the shower. It was far less fun than his brothers made it out to be, since Shiani was outright refusing to risk any additional injury by fooling around. She was right and he knew it, but that didn’t mean he didn’t miss the intimacy.

Shiani chuckled as she pulled back down the safety glasses he made her wear whenever she touched tools. “Well, hold still a little longer. Once I get this off, you’ll feel better.”

He scrunched his nose but did his best to sit still. She at least tried to work quickly, and once she’d gotten the last bolt off she pulled the metal framing apart with her claws. “Finally.” Tech groaned, pulling his leg out and immediately scratching furiously.

Shiani snickered, setting the brace aside. “Bend your knee, then stand slowly. Make sure it can bear weight.”

Tech nodded, flexing the leg and standing slowly. “There is no pain, though some weakness from disuse.”

“That’s easy to recover.” She nodded, standing up and squeaking when he pulled her into an embrace. “Tech.”

The brilliant clone kissed her with a faint smirk. “Yes, my dear?”

“Nowhere to go with all your flirting.” She looked a little unhappy about it as well. “Hunter and Echo left for their mission, we’re supposed to keep Wrecker and Omega out of trouble. They already started making bets over at the dejarik table in the back.”

Tech groaned again. “This is an inopportune time for us to have no privacy.”

“She nuzzled her relatively flat nose against his gently. “Tonight we can make sure that leg is fully functional.”

He smiled. “You are incorrigible.”

“Me?” She laughed. “Tell that to the look you were giving me every time you had to have help in the fresher.” She winked, walking over to Omega and Wrecker. As she did she picked up the metal cage that had been the brace and examined how the metal had held up through the weeks. If she ever had to build something like this again, she could learn from it.

Omega was happily beating Wrecker when the siren joined them at the dejarik table. “How much Mantell Mix have you two wagered?” She smiled.

“Wrecker owes me two boxes.” Omega grinned.

Shiani looked at Wrecker. “Where are you gonna get two boxes? Hunter said no more snacks on tab.”

Wrecker rubbed the back of his neck. “Can I borrow some credits?”

“You think I have credits? Everything I make from fixing things for Cid I give to Hunter.” She laughed. “We’re going to have to sell Wrecker to the circus to pay for snacks, Baby Mega.”

“Nooo!” Omega squeaked. “We can’t sell him!”

“Hunter sold Echo.” Shiani ruffled Omega’s hair.

“I’ll forget about the snacks.” Omega promised, looking at her pleadingly. “Don’t sell Wrecker to the circus.”

“I won’t. I love Wrecker too.” Shiani smiled, patting his shoulder as well.

“Is that Tech’s leg brace?” Omega pointed at the dented metal in the siren’s hands.

“Yeah. He’s so happy to have it off. He hated it so much!” She wrapped Omega in a hug.

Omega laughed as the siren playfully squished her, and they were still laughing when Tech walked over from the bar. “There he is.” Wrecker beamed. “Back on his feet again.”

Shiani gave her mate a bright smile. “Feel better?”

“Much.” Tech smiled. “How many credits have they lost?”

“None.” Omega shook her head. “Shiani said she’d sell Wrecker to the circus to pay for the Mantell Mix, so I let it go.”

“There are no circuses on Ord Mantell, as far as I am aware.” Tech raised an eyebrow at her.

Shiani gestured at Wrecker. “Are you going to pay him for snacks to give to Baby Mega? You do the budget.”

“... I can find a circus.” Tech looked at Wrecker. “Stop gambling.”

“I’m already teaching Omega to play sabacc.” Wrecker looked at Shiani, who draped a tentacle over his face dramatically.

“That’s worse than dejarik!” She laughed.

“Hey, you four. Quit running up the power bill.” Cid’s voice cut into their conversation. “I got a job for you.”

“Hunter and Echo aren’t back.” Omega frowned.

“And they have the ship.” Shiani crossed her arms, cocking a hip and looking Cid firmly in the eye. She wasn’t scared of much, the trandoshan gave her that.

“We won’t need them, or the ship. C’mon. You’re going to be my security.” Cid waved for them to follow her.

“Where are we going?” Omega frowned.

“Safa Toma.” Cid kept waving, looking annoyed. “The shuttle’s here. C’mon.”

“We will need more of a debriefing than that.” Tech frowned, but followed Shiani as she picked up her chest plate and bag from the corner booth.

“Too bad. You’ll learn on the job.” Cid huffed.

Shiani rolled her eyes for the millionth time. “Rude!”

“I am beginning to understand why you needed security.” Tech frowned as they followed Cid through a crowded arena on Safa Toma. “But why are we here to begin with?”

“Placing bets. Stay close, Goggles.” Cid muttered, waving them towards a booky counter. Shiani was looking around with wide eyed fascination at all the different people pressed together. There was a racetrack everyone was gathered around, unusual looking speeders flying by at incredible speed.

Tech had to grab her when she started to wander towards the railing for a better view. “What is this?” She pointed. “I’ve never seen speeders like this.”

“It’s Riot Racing, Suckers. Live weapons, high stakes, and lots of money to win.” Cid grinned. A speeder went whizzing by at the front of the pack and Shiani dragged Tech to the railing anyway. “That’s my ringer, Tay-O.”

“Ringer? What’s a ringer?” Shiani watched the speeder, leaning out to try to get a better look. It was massively modified, and her mind was racing with possibilities. She loved this kind of thing, where the only limit of what you could make was your own skill and creativity.

“Careful. I did say live weapons.” Cid nudged her back as another speeder wrecked out into the wall. “Ringer means winner. C’mon, he’s landing.”

They followed her to the service pit, watching a droid climbing out of the speeder. “Your ringer is a droid?” Tech sounded skeptical, looking Tay-O up and down.

The droid had a level of sass that felt more personal than programming. “Could you calculate split second micro-adjustments at that speed? I don't think so.”

“I could.” Tech just eyed the droid with annoyance.

“Unlikely.”

Shiani walked right past Tay-O and started examining the speeder curiously, sticking her head inside. “12 series.” She said out loud.

“Those were not designed for high speed.” Tech frowned.

“Heavily modified.” Shiani called back. “Engine looks like an industrial skiff with a pod racer’s drive core. And the chassis is so thin it's essentially flimsi.” She poked the metal with a claw lightly. “Light, but ineffective if you're facing live weapons.”

“Who are you? Who is she, Spectacled Spectator?” Tay-O demanded, looking from the siren to the clone.

“That would be my wife. She is a very talented mechanic.” Tech smirked. Shiani loved mechanic work more than anything else they did together, while he preferred the software over hardware. He made sure she was versed in everything he was doing, but this was where she could shine.

Shiani waved her claw at the droid. “Rude. It's not Tech's fault you sacrificed hull integrity to save weight instead of optimizing engine output. There's not even any protection on the stabilizers!”

Cid clapped Shiani on the shoulder. “Why don't you look at the specs and see what you could tune up for me, huh?”

“Thought you needed security.” Shiani frowned.

“That's what I got the guys for. And Tiny's here for luck.”

The siren's eyes flicked to a large dowutin approaching with a group of followers. There was an uncomfortable feeling Shiani couldn't quite identify coming from them. “I think you're gonna need luck, Cid.”

The trandoshan turned around. “Grini Millegi.”

“Ciddarin Scaleback. You've got a lot of nerve turning up on my turf.”

“Business is business.” Cid shrugged. “I've got business here.”

Wrecker and Tech, in the spirit of being security, got between the two of them. Millegi chuckled. “Your little misfit crew has guts, but you'll need more than that to beat Jet Venim.” He gestured to his little pinched-face lizard racer.

“Tay-O won last time. He'll do it again.” Omega said firmly.

“Then Cid won't be opposed to our usual side wager.” Millegi smirked.

“You're on.” Cid nodded.

“See you on the track.” Millegi turned to walk away, Venim snarling something in a language Shiani didn't recognize.

“What's he saying, Tech?” Wrecker frowned.

“You do not want to know.” The genius put his arm around Shiani and walked her away. “This Millegi seems very familiar and antagonistic with you, Cid.”

Shiani cocked her head to the side. “What's the ‘side wager’?”

“More credits than I've got.” Cid huffed.

“Then why did you make the bet?!” Shiani squawked. “See, Baby Mega, this is why gambling is bad!”

“It's just business.” Cid grumbled.

“That felt personal.” Shiani gave her a look as Tay-O got back in the screaming metal death trap speeder and they followed Cid back to the stands. “What happens if you lose?”

“They'll take me for collateral until the debt is paid. I'd have to give them everything I made until then.” Cid looked sheepish.

“Oh, like how you blackmail the Batch?” Shiani gave Cid an unimpressed look. “Can't be so bad a deal if it's what you give us…”

“Shut it, Suckers.”

Shiani huffed and pulled Omega back from the railings edge. “Not so close. Live weapons.” She said gently, making sure the girl was safe.

Omega watched a racer overshoot and strike a bystander two boxes over in the chest. “Oh…”

Cid was yelling at the droid on her comm about avoiding the left tunnel, so Shiani pulled the course map up on her datapad to look at. She showed it to Tech after a minute, who shook his head. “There are two many variables for me to accurately predict a winner.”

“Better hope it's Tay-O. The droid is a jerk, but if Cid has to go somewhere it could be trouble for us.” Shiani nodded. “...and cheating is another variable. Look, Tech.”

Cid paled and Tech watched curiously as Venim engaged a circular saw on the front of his speeder, cutting into the exposed stabilizers Shiani had pointed out earlier. Tay-O lost control and careened into the wall, skidding into scrap.

Omega looked between Tech and Cid. “What do we do now?”

“Go down to recover the droid and speeder.” Tech sighed.

“If there's anything left.” Wrecker nodded.

They got down to the dirt and started picking up pieces. “I do not believe the speeder is salvageable, but I can repair the droid if we locate enough parts.” Tech sighed.

Shiani peeked out from behind the crumpled sheet of speeder scrap. “I can fix this… probably. Or at least make a new one out of the parts.”

“We've got bigger problems.” Omega whispered, pointing at Millegi approaching.

“Time to pay up, Cid.” He was grinning widely.

“You'll get your credits. I'm good for it, I just need a little time.” Cid took a step back as he approached her threateningly. “You two want to step in here? I didn't bring you for company.”

Before a particularly ugly fight could break out, Omega piped up. “One more race! Double or nothing!”

“With your speeder and droid as scrap?” Millegi eyed the girl, and Shiani when she stepped up beside her.

“I can fix the speeder. Tech can fix the droid. Give us till tomorrow, then we race.” She squared her shoulders and met the massive man’s eyes, blinking up at him.

He considered her for a minute. “You got guts, I'll give you that. Fine. But when you lose, you better pay up for your own sake. And we'll take Cid for collateral overnight.”

He let a now slightly terrified Cid away, and Tech looked at Shiani. “Are you sure about this, cyar'ika?”

“Yes. We can win.” She said firmly, with all the confidence he admired so much in her. “We will win!”

While Tech worked on a loudly complaining Tay-O, Shiani worked on the speeder. Wrecker was moving big parts for her while Omega handed her tools. “Are you sure you can fix it, Shiani?” The girl asked as her friend slid underneath the wreckage on a creeper.

“I am no longer repairing the speeder. I’m building an entirely new one with broken parts.” The siren stuck a tentacle out. “Spanner please.”

“So it is in equally bad shape as the droid.” Tech sighed.

“I can still race. Where are my arms?” The obnoxious Tay-O grumbled.

“We found them ten meters from your butt.” Omega huffed. “Be nice to Tech.”

“Why don't we just scrap this and rescue Cid? We could rush Millegi’s penthouse with the four of us.” Wrecker offered.

“Millegi is a powerful criminal with significant resources. Our standard military approach is more likely to get us killed than successfully rescue her.” Tech pointed out.

Shiani rolled out from under the speeder. “Tech is right. And even if we got away, he'd come after us. He's got to know about her Parlor on Ord Mantell. Our only option is to win.”

“I will. And lucky for you all, because the last people who couldn't pay up to Millegi are facing permanent retirement in the Eastern dunes.”

“Permanent retirement… dead?” Shiani frowned.

“I do not understand how you are intelligent enough to rebuild a speeder but can't understand Basic.” Tay-O sneered. “Then again, your husband is putting my arms on wrong. Have you ever wired a servo before, human?”

Tech poked him with a soldering iron. “I have. Watch how you speak to her.”

Shiani flapped her hand and went back under the chassis. “I built a functional starship out of garbage. Would have worked too, if I'd had time to test it. What can you build except scrap piles out of your own body?”

Omega giggled. “I wish I could have seen your ship, Shiani. Did you name it?”

“It was ugly, but it was all mine.” Shiani chuckled. “The name was Yellow Horizon.”

Omega let herself get swept up in the imagination of the moment, picturing Shiani as a captain of her own vessel zooming around the stars.

Wrecker sighed, bringing her moment down. “What happens if we don’t win?”

Shiani sighed. “Either they kill us, or they get the credits out of us another way. I don’t think it would be far off what the Zygyrrians were going to do to us.”

Tech’s fingers twitched on the soldering iron his hands at the memory of being trapped in a collar while a slaver hauled off and slapped Shiani, or the way his skin had crawled when they’d threatened to yank her teeth out. “That will not be allowed to happen.” He said firmly.

He had no doubt Shiani would fetch a price for some eccentric, rich, and unethical collector. But he wasn’t ever going to let anyone take her away from him. She was the one thing in this galaxy he could afford to be selfish about.

“Of course not.” Shiani smiled. “We’re going to win. I don’t have any doubts.”

Morning light found both Tech and Shiani's projects complete and the two of them asleep on the pit workroom floor back to back. It was far from the romance she'd promised him, but Wrecker and Omega were nice enough to bring them both cups of caf when it was time to wake them up. Shiani fumbled her way through two cups before she was awake enough to follow Tech outside. “Morning.”

“Good morning, cyar'ika.” He was engrossed in his datapad, though he opened an arm for her to cuddle under it.

“What are you looking at?” She yawned.

“The track schematics based on your new speeder modifications. I believe it would be beneficial to divert power from the weapons system to the rear deflector shield.”

Shiani nodded, waking up. “The weapons array is entirely detachable now. Fixed position didn't account for melee weapons like the saw yesterday.”

Behind them, Tay-O scoffed. “Racing is about speed and skill, which you both lack. Offense is the best strategy.”

Shiani gave him a baleful look. “There’s till time for me to remove your vocal components before the race.”

“I will win-” Tay-O started. Before he could finish whatever self-important babbling he had, Shiani's head jerked to the side and her ears pinned back.

“Look out!” She grabbed Tech and jumped backwards as an out-of-control speeder came veering off the track. They ducked as it slammed into Tay-O, breaking him back into scrap.

“I… regret nothing…” The droid mumbled before shorting out.

“Accidents happen all the time on racetracks.” Millegi's voice held a bite of laughter. “But you're down a racer. Looks like you forfeit.”

“That was no acci-” Shiani hissed, but Tech put a hand on top of her head.

“I will race. We are still on.” He said firmly, looking at Shiani.

She squirmed but nodded as the realization they had no other choice dawned on her. Wrecker was too big, Omega was too young, and Shiani wasn’t as skillful a pilot as he was. “Be careful.” She finally mumbled.

“I will. I promise.” He squeezed her hand, then headed for the speeder and loaded in to drive around to the starting position.

Shiani pointed into the pit for Omega and Wrecker, putting a headset on. “Ears on, Tech.”

Omega sat beside her with the track schematics pulled up as the announcer called out each competitor one by one. The crowd cheered for each known one, but went silent when the announcer made fun of Tech's name. “Tech? That’s it? That’s his name?”

Omega looked over at Shiani's resolute face. She was always protective of Tech… “You okay?”

“Everyone here will see today.” The siren said solemnly. “They’ll see Tech the way I do. You watch.”

“How do you know?” Wrecker frowned.

“I feel it in the Song. Harmony and Melody won't let us down.” She made a self assured noise.

When the starting gun went off, Tech was solidly in the middle of the pack and dodging weapons coming his way. Wrecker looked somewhat unimpressed. “Uh, Tech. The point is to be in the front!”

“It's called strategy.”

“It's called losing!”

Shiani gently bopped Wrecker with a tentacle. “Venim coming up right side rear, Tech.”

“Thank you. Approaching Gambler's Gulch.”

Shiani glanced at the track schematics and frowned. “The left track is shorter but incomplete.”

“You said the weapons array was detachable?”

“It’s only the first lap, Tech. No time for a pit stop yet.”

“I will not be stopping. But I need more speed.”

Shiani blinked and pushed the other two back. “Clear!”

Tech diverted into the pit without stopping and jettisoned his weapons before taking off again. “Transmit the left tunnel schematics, cyar'ika.”

Omega frowned. “You'll never make it with the track in that condition.”

“I will if I am going fast enough.”

“What's he doing?” Wrecker looked at Shiani.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a ball bearing, making a loop with her tentacle and flicking the ball hard enough to make it do a loop-de-loop on her skin without falling.

“He's going to drive on the tunnel ceiling?” Omega gasped.

“And run Venim right into the broken part.” Shiani smirked. “He’s so smart.”

When Tech came flying out of the tunnel, it was with a cloud of smoke from someone else's crash behind him, and he careened over the finish line. Shiani jumped up, cheering and bouncing, as he came to a stop. It took him a minute to get out of the speeder, looking around in awe at the cheering, delighted crowd.

They were chanting his name, so he gave a 2-finger salute before turning to look for his wife and siblings. Shiani was already climbing the safety rail with a bouncy little squeal of delight, landing on the track and running to him. “You won! I knew you could do it!”

He chuckled. “Your speeder design was most helpful.”

She took both his hands in hers and looked up at the cheering crowd, eyes bright. They kept chanting his name, and she could only grin. “Took them a long time, but see? Everyone sees you how I do now. Like you can do anything.”

Wrecker walked over with Omega on his shoulder. “You did it!” She giggled.

“Was there ever any doubt?” Tech put his arm around Shiani.

“A little.” Wrecker smiled weakly.

“Let’s go get Cid and go home.” Shiani said firmly. “This place is sketchy to begin with.”

“Good idea.” Wrecker agreed, and they headed in the direction they spotted Venim limping. “Think he'll give us any trouble?”

“Cid always brings trouble. Selfish.” Shiani huffed.

“I do have reservations about how little we truly know of her.” Tech nodded.

“She's our friend. That's enough, right?” Omega looked between the three adults, but none of them seemed too convinced.

Cid was waiting for them to walk into the suite. “I knew you could do it! I owe you one, Goggles.”

“You do.” He agreed.

“Let's get out of here.” She beckoned them to follow. “I'll make it up to you.”

Shiani was staring Venim down when he reached for a blaster on the bar, showing her fangs with a hiss until Millegi took the gun. “You four. A word.” He murmured.

The clones and siren all turned to him. “Yes?” Shiani frowned.

“Your loyalty is impressive. But with Cid it doesn't always go both ways. Watch your backs.” He said quietly.

They exchanged glances, before nodding and walking out. Omega was already disregarding the warning, chattering to Cid about their night in the pit while Wrecker snagged a snack for the road.

Shiani just kept her eyes on Cid's back.

Selfish hearts.

Hunter and Echo were back by the time they got home, so Wrecker and Omega opted to hang out in the bar and tell them the story of the Riot Race. Shiani was listening with a drink Cid had given her ‘on the house’ for saving her ass, when the siren realized Tech was absent.

Without attracting too much attention, she slipped out of the bar to the Marauder, hearing the telltale sounds of a genius at work. “Tech?” She called.

“Behind the work table.” He called.

She chuckled, stepping into the ship to spot him, laying on the floor with his head in a panel. Repairing his ship, finally free of the constricting leg brace. “Bored of Baby Mega bragging on you?”

“I was simply bored in general. The race was so adrenaline-inducing that this seems dead in comparison.”

Shiani leaned over the work table from the opposite side, draping her body across the durasteel. There was a playful look in those big eyes that Tech noticed immediately. “You won the race. Don't winners get rewards?”

“It is likely Cid took any profit for herself.” He blinked, his cheeks reddening when Shiani reached out and caught a claw in the hem of his flak vest, then traced her way down to his belt.

“She's selfish.” Shiani nodded. “But so am I. Everyone on Safa Toma was cheering your name, and you know what I was thinking?” The tip of the viciously sharp nail dipped below his belt and skimmed the front seam of his jeans.

“And what was that?” He swallowed hard, flustered immediately. It had been too long since he'd gotten to touch her; just this light teasing had him about to combust.

“No matter how many pretty girls scream your name, I can make you scream mine.” She cooed. “I didn’t get you all to myself last night on Safa Toma, but the invitation still stands for the ship fresher so I can reward my champion?”

Tech sat up immediately, catching her wrist and pushing her arm outward so he could kiss her. It was haphazard and crooked, but carried all the needy desire Shiani could get drunk on. Sometimes Tech could take over her senses and give orders that made her knees shake. Other times she could pin him to the wall and make him forget anything but her name. There was no telling how tonight would go, but all that mattered was getting to love him.

She giggled, climbing over the table gracefully and settled into his lap, kisses turned hungry as she ground her hips into his. Without his armor, his desire was painfully apparent.

“If you keep teasing, this will end sooner than you want it to.” He groaned softly when her lips moved to his neck.

“Probably should go to the fresher. Don't want your brothers to catch us.” She whispered, breath hitched and needy. “I might just cry if something else interrupts us after so long.”

Tech was up and on his feet in an instant, walking her to the fresher and setting her on the small counter. He locked the door behind them and unlatched her chestplate in the same motion. They'd all updated their armor in the months since Kamino, with her wearing the matching stripe of orange paint to his, decorated with three blue hearts. Underneath she wore a pair of overalls with the hips cut out, a belt with her holster and thigh bag, and a crop top. She carried her mechanic tools in her gear bag, though, instead of his preferred many external pockets.

He was grateful he wouldn't have to deal with all those straps though, and kissed her hard as she kicked off her boots and went for his belt with her hands. Her tentacles were fiddling with the water, getting it on and to the correct temperature. Steam filled the room as their clothes hit the floor, faster and faster. He’d been chasing adrenaline on Safa Toma, but now he was chasing an even more intoxicating kind of high.

Once both of them were bare, Tech took a step back and pulled her by the hand into the warm water. Shiani pounced the minute the shower door shut, dropping to her knees and taking his length in her hand. “You were brilliant. Best pilot in the race, smartest in the galaxy.” She cooed, watching him melt at the praise before swallowing him whole.

Tech groaned and bucked, fingers tracing through the water-slick tentacles of her head into they felt the skull underneath. Squeeze squeeze squeeze. “You were ex-exceptional. Rebuilding that sp-speeder… oh fuck… overnight. I could never have w-won without you, Shiani…”

She loved how his voice sounded when he moaned her name and doubled her efforts on his cock. She wanted to make him come apart on her tongue, her own body alive and on fire at the sounds he was making. Her hands skimmed appreciatively up his thighs and down his stomach, those pretty and lethal nails delicate over his skin as they drew reddened, raised lines. His abs tensed and his breath was ragged, so close to coming undone she could feel it herself, so she didn't expect him to wrap his hand in her ponytail and yank her off him.

She looked up, wide eyed, as he panted above her. “On your feet, cyar'ika. I know exactly what I want as a reward. Talented as you have become with that lovely mouth of yours, I want to come inside of you.”

His bluntness was always appreciated, Shiani with no time or patience to sort through flowered phrases in search of meaning. He was the closest thing to as direct as siren emotion-sharing could be, and that transparency was the reason she fell for him. She got to her feet with a nod at his words, offering herself to his waiting arms. Tech gifted her a tender kiss on the forehead before he turned her around and pushed her into the wall, nudging her feet apart with his own. She shivered as her bare chest and cheek pressed into the still cool durasteel, the steam having not had time to warm it. The stark contrast to it and Tech’s warm hands on her hips electrified her skin.

When he calculated his angle and sank into her, she arched her back onto a pretty little semi-circle that brought her head to his shoulder. Tech's cheek pressed against her own, the edge of his goggles hard against her face. He held completely still, buried inside his siren with one hand splayed across her sternum and the other braced against the wall. “You are- fuck-...” He mumbled. Hearing him forget what he was talking about halfway through the sentence turned her on even more, and he groaned when her body clenched around him.

“Missed you like this.” Shiani answered, trailing into desperate whimpers when he started moving. One of his hands moved down to circle her clit, bringing her hurriedly ahead to join him as his own orgasm came hurtling towards him.

Tech could only nod in agreement and snap his hips into hers. His breath hitched, feeling her clench again when the band of tension that wound through her snapped and pulled him along too.

He squished her into the wall, jelly-limbed, catching his breath until he could stand upright. Shiani just turned around and drew him back down, now kissing him languidly and running her fingers over his chest and shoulders. He'd gotten his winners reward, now she was taking hers as she basked in his presence and affection.

“I love you.” She mumbled, picking up the soap to actually clean him up now.

Tech kissed her again. “I love you too, cyar'ika.”

They were still kissing, taking turns taking care of the other by washing hair or skin between presses of their lips, when they both heard a voice outside the fresher door.

Omega’s voice.

“Tech! Shiani! The fresher isn't big enough for two people! You're never gonna get clean!”

Wrecker and Echo's voices were howling with laughter. Hunter was making uncomfortable noises. “Omega, just give them a minute-”

Shiani looked up at Tech, eyes wide. He looked just as startled as she was. “... we will be out momentarily, Omega.” He finally managed to say.

“But why'd you both go in there at the same time!?”

“Saving water.” Shiani offered. “Give us five minutes!”

“Okay. But hurry, I gotta brush my teeth before bed.” The girl called back, footsteps disappearing.

They were turning off the water when Hunter banged on the door with his knuckles. “I swear to Manda you better clean everything you two fuck on.” He grumbled before disappearing.

Shiani looked at Tech and signed instead of speaking, knowing Hunter could hear them almost anywhere on the ship.

“Good thing he can't see in blacklight filter. I'm pretty sure there's still an imprint on the cockpit ceiling.”

#explict #original character #clone force 99 #the bad batch #star wars #fanfic #tbb tech #monster fucker #tech smut

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pawlmtree · 5 months

Note

שלום, מה נשמע ✨🦁

what sort of stuff do you do to manage your EDS and widespread pain (no pots for me). I’m looking for some items and recs because my pains really flaring up during finals and I wanna get back home to a comfy place all set up with disability friendly stuff. thank u!

🦓🎉

I had another question I’ll put here too, which was could you give a list of the things that help you work as an EDS/pain guy like me? I’m looking into a better chair but I’m sort of overwhelmed and lost and in pain when I work too long, and I haven’t worked in months because i can’t find a good setup. product recs here also work great but I’m really just looking to ask what’s made ur life a little easier :,)

shalom!! 🦁

it really differs from person to person what items will help, and also depends on where your pain is, so all i can do is share what's helped me personally, and hope that perhaps some of it could apply to you

wrist braces

for wrist pain - i go through periods where i wear them and periods where i don't, they can be helpful for stability during times of activity, some people wear them when they sleep bc many (myself included) often accidentally hyperextend our joints during sleep -_- but do be careful not to wear them all the time bc it can sometimes cause more pain or result in weakness

compression gloves

for hand pain/finger joint pain - i don't use these much lately but i used to use them almost every day in combo with wrist braces to try to calm down finger + wrist pain by providing tightness and support, honestly they just feel really nice and comforting in general for me personally but theyre not for everyone.

plastic finger splints

these changed my life when i was having severe finger joint hyperextension and pain..... wearing them restricts the finger joints from hyperextending/bending too far which is helpful in preventing pain and keeping your joints in a more normal range... these helped me a lot for finger pain so i highly recommend them if you have finger pain!!

KT TAPE

i don't use it much anymore because it's kind of annoying to apply and remove, but it helped me a lot with keeping my knees, elbows, and wrists within better ranges of movement, and it felt really comfortable and tight in a secure and safe way if that makes any sense..!? warning is that it can be painful to remove if you have sensitive skin or body hair, but i take it off in the shower which helps a bit. its economically more worth it to buy a roll and cut it yourself rather than buying pre cut pieces, but if you dont have the patience or spoons for cutting it each time then they do make pre cut pieces!

other than that i have used a cane, elbow crutch, and now a hybrid manual/electric wheelchair, with the wheelchair ABSOLUTELY CHANGING MY LIFE ive had the least amount of pain and highest about of mobility (in terms of spending 5+ hours outside!! wow!!) that ive had in a long time, and if your condition gets to the point where going places is difficult/painful/anxiety inducing to you because of how much pain you'll be in during or afterwards, please don't feel ashamed to look into using a mobility aid!

as for the second question, honestly i still struggle with that myself, i can't keep up as well as i'd like to on my homework and commission work, but what does help is trying to maintain good posture while on the computer (sitting in a chair without slouching too much, keeping my neck from bending weird and trying not to hyperextend wrists or fingers while typing, which ermmm i still fail at a lot)

also trying to switch position and task every 2 or so hours is what's necessary for me, unfortunately i suck at doing this and get hyperfocused on drawing for 3+ hours sometimes, which ends up in a lot of pain and soreness afterwards -_- so i do recommend trying to give yourself breaks/switching position and task every so often if it is possible for you to do so...

thank you for the message and i wish you so much luck and low-pain days <3

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changeling-of-the-fae · 10 months

Text

T-10 Pre-Op And The Weird Things You Do Before Surgery

Caveat for anyone who doesn't want to see these (there are probably a lot more coming): I'm tagging them all as 'recovery blog' if you want to block it!

I've been trying to maintain a certain nonchalance - sure, surgery is going to suck, but I've already done everything that comes after.

I know I can do it again, and at least this time I can plan for it.

When I got home from Montana, brace and crutches in tow, I hadn't even finished unpacking from my move. There were boxes everywhere places, clothes that needed a home, and crutch-friendly pathways were non-existent. I didn't have estim, or ice packs, or a wedge pillow.

This time I have all that and more! Possibly too much more.

I suspect my mother and aunt have been looking at knee replacement surgeries for ideas of what I might need, but we are on very different pages.

I love them dearly, but I will NOT be using a bedside commode. I will be getting my nerve-blocked butt the ten feet it takes to get me to the bathroom. The surgeon has already made i clear that it's better to get up and moving sooner rather than later, anyway.

I do, however, think they're starting to get to me. Because, and not to be too dramatic, it feels a little like I'm dying.

It's not because I'm suffering or in total agony. But there's this odd background checklist of 'things I can do now' and 'things I won't be able to do for a while'. And it feels weirdly like I'm putting my affairs in order. Which, really, I am - recovery from surgery, to the level I'm at now (but hopefully better!) is at least six months.

I went grocery shopping, picked up the requisite stool softener (hardcore painkillers), and finished a few of the tasks I promised my mother I'd do weeks ago.

I called my dad's sister and asked her out for coffee, since we only get together at the family Christmas party and I'm not planning to go (it's three days post-op.)

And I have been cleaning; in suspicious new ways.

My parents' house is a visual representation of the marriage of ADHD (my mother, myself, my younger brother - we care but the doing is herculanean) and autism (my dad and older brother - they don't care and don't know why they should.)

So believe me when I say the three hours I spent washing windows, scrubbing switch plates, and dusting baseboards is seriously out of place.

It's just...the little things, y'know?

My bedroom windows haven't been cleaned since before we moved in 15 years ago.

It wouldn't normally register on my radar as a worthy task (they're windows, dirt happens!) but dammit I want to be blinded by sunlight after my surgery.

I want to wake up to snow and wish I had my sunglasses.

(much clean, very shiny!)

I know no one else at home cares. I don't expect them to even notice, really. Hell, I barely care. But there's some weird mental-physical link that's compelled me to make a three (3!!) page to-do list of odds and end tasks like this.

Maybe I'm just looking for ways to stay busy. I'll never admit to it.

#mpfl recovery #knee surgery #recovery blog #patellar dislocation #mpfl tear #personal

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crippleprophet · 2 years

Note

(feel free to not respond to this, hell feel free to be like “please don’t do this again”)

so i’ve had join problems for like 3 1/2 years now and they just got diagnosed like 2 week’s ago, turns out i have runners knee

so i feel bad because 1. it feels lit not as big of a deal as i feel like it is (it is a big deal, it’s impacted my life (thank you therapy))

2. i’m worried that pt and more exercise won’t make it better (i’m on my schools swim team, so 4 practices a week during the season, plus a swim meet on friday)

and 3. i feel like (at least for now) i need more support. my pt doesn’t start until february and i can’t remember the last day i haven’t been in pain or had sensations that are probably due to nerve wackiness. i have used a cane in the past and it has helped me immensely. but i feel bad for wanting something that works for both legs. i’ve literally have had 2 dreams about me having forearm crutches.

i’m just really exhausted, sorry for dumping this all on you rn, i feel like even though i was listened to i still was just told to exercise and loose weight

hey, it’s absolutely no problem & i’m so deeply sorry you’re dealing with this 💕💕

i’m gonna throw like a billion disclaimers on this that, in addition to my usual line about just being Some Guy on the internet, i am definitely responding from a place of trauma here - i don’t know your body & you are the authority on your experiences, i’m just tossing some stuff out there based on my experiences, which might be totally different in other (or underlying physical processes yadda yadda) ways. also like big tw for medical neglect

so. i ran cross country in high school and my joint pain originated in my left knee at age 16, no specific injury or incident, RICE etc barely did anything. xrays and mri showed nothing. tried cortisone shot, euflexxa injections, some sort of topical steroid that was originally used on racehorses, nothing. because i was a runner no one ever considered it could be anything but an orthopedic issue.

i had two exploratory arthroscopic surgeries (which i’ve since learned are as effective as a placebo) with extensive debridement - first dx, plica syndrome, “we have no idea why this was this bad,” cleared to run again after post-op PT, pain came back even worse after ~7 months.

second dx, grade II chondromalacia patellae aka runner’s knee. told never to run again. i knew in post-op PT that something was wrong, this wasn’t the same pain as recovery previously, it felt like the underlying issue was still there. this wasn’t pain of healing, it was making something else worse. my physical therapist didn’t believe me, just kept pushing me, literally told me once that there was no way i was in that much pain. the pattern of swelling, location & sensation of pain, nerve symptoms, etc never made sense to anyone, no matter how many people they called over to poke & prod.

i don’t think i’ll ever know why, especially when he then didn’t fucking do anything with this information, but one day he had me try a lumbar extension stretch. you know the scene in the little mermaid where she’s propping her upper body up with her arms on the rock, waves crashing behind her, triumphant music? it’s basically that pose. it was both the single most excruciating and relieving thing i’ve ever done; even my chronic migraine of 2 years lessened. but we proceeded on a normative linear recovery arc, i got cleared from PT, the pain was better but still there.

flash forward four more years of intensifying pain - first my other knee, then the bottoms of my feet, then more constant and prominent in my lower back, then my upper back & worsening of the neck pain i’d been told and believed was from looking down at books/phone, what i now know as neuropathy increasing all the while - using a cane, then forearm crutches, then a forearm rollator, then a mobility scooter, spending more & more time unable to leave the bed - and i stumbled across an article about ankylosing spondylitis that matched my history fucking eerily, right down to the car crash as a younger teenager. it turns out AS commonly first presents with knee pain, not back pain, in juveniles.

so here’s what i’m gonna tell you: even if it’s “only” chondromalacia, your pain is real and serious and you should listen to your body. and, with again the mega disclaimer that you might be experiencing something totally different, i gently suggest:

read my posts about AS. read my google doc about AS. read anybody’s posts and articles about anything that originates with knee pain, especially if it involves neuropathy.

keep tabs on your body and don’t believe anyone who tells you something is normal until you’ve investigated it for yourself. does your neck hurt? how much? how often? what about your upper spine, between your shoulders? your lower back?

try a lumbar extension stretch, just in case.

if you haven’t been to a rheumatologist before and it’s at all possible for you to do so, do it. if you have a GP and can get a blood workup from them instead, do that. more info on blood testing here - but keep in mind that negative blood work doesn’t rule anything out.

if you can get forearm crutches, one hundred thousand percent do it. make sure they’re sized properly - more info on that here.

do whatever you possibly can to shore up your trust in yourself and your experiences. surround yourself with as many people as possible, in person or online, who believe your pain and make you feel solid in your knowledge of yourself. i’m a big fan of putting up signs with reminders if you can. whether you have chondromalacia, something else, or a combination, your pain is real, it is disabling, and it is in your best interest to develop strategies to cope with the systemic gaslighting that is existing within an ableist society & medical system.

if there is literally anything at all i can do to encourage you, answer questions, etc, please feel free to dm me or send another ask any time. my whole fucking heart goes out to you - you are not the only one who’s been through this, and that is both the horror & deepest relief of chronic pain. so much love to you, may you receive everything you need.

#chondromalacia #chondromalacia patellae #runner’s knee #knee pain #knee problems #joint pain #chronic pain #ankylosing spondylitis #asks #faq #read this to my gf bc i go to her for feedback on a lot of my stuff & she said ‘this is a love letter’ which. yeah

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innocencelives · 2 years

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trying to live healthily. i mess up my whole apartment all week for my work, then i clean-in stages. tomorrow is cleaning day but i have a big job this week so im starting tonight. and i cant over work myself. i basically clean until i am in too much pain to continue-or almost there is probably better. currently, physically, i have black and blue bruise on one foot, and a dislocated knee on that leg from a bad fall this week. my knee gets dislocated like once a year honestly, so i put on my brace, i rest, i dont overwork that leg, and i continue walk at a snails pace through the snow in order to not die. i was on a crutch for a bit this week but i still got my show done, managed to wear my brace and flats for the show- bc i take care of myself bitch! using the crutch to lean on one foot/leg aggravates my chronic foot pain-making it extra bad on the other foot. low back pain is also hard, probably bc of all my stankin creativity! but i got that headstart in cleaning tonight. it was i think 2 full weeks i couldnt do my weekly deep clean-so i guess i missed one week. not gonna be too down on myself, bc i did manage to do the dishes once in that period-which prevents mold and a bad smell which is super important. tomorrow i pick up all trash, then reorganize all materials, then do dishes, then IF I CAN-sweep, wipe down kitchen and bathroom. im currently still terrified of nooks and crannies, behind my washing machine for example scares me shitless, i have to try to get those places clean at least once a while, under my bed is a big one- who knows if i left a single fry that turned into a moldy maggoty disaster? scared, so scared. on the mental side- continuing my 2 year streak of not dealing with terrible ptsd, still, on my stupid insistance of not taking my nightmare med, i deal with vidid confusing and terrifying dreams every night- always back to the home i grew up in, always seeing my parents, sometimes its meaningless randonmness, often times its pointed reflections on my trauma. absolutely terrified my cat is going to die, i have nightmares every night about that. shes old? has some pimples and sneezes alot… i know shell be okay, but my fear brain doesnt. i had a dream my mom killed her- horrifying stuff. cats have always personified innocence in my life, the idea of one dying is heartbreaking to me. on the other hand shes so annoying sometimes!!! haha, she always wants love, always wants pets? constantly. and who can blame her? i feel the same. still trekking on in my life. moving forward in my art, even though i have TERRIBLE habit of getting so down on myself and feeling like a failure- which is PROVEN beyond a reasonable doubt, to be WILDLY i correct. but yeah! im doing okay. trying to work on things. ive added another friend to my lonely life which is great! and im working on not making every conversation about my troubles, gotta stop that toxic shit. just trying to heal man. getting over the debilitating ptsd symptoms was i think the greatest triumph of my life. but its lasting effects on the goddam structure of my brain, and my physical disabilities, still suck ass. but yea. moving on! living life! i can do it!

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makahimetenshi · 11 months

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Perfect connection Chapter 6 - Arthur Maxson x Fem Sole Survivor

THIS IS NOT A LEMMON CHAPTER, but theres gonna be more lemmon chapters on this fics. Mostly to make their relationship more intense and passionate. This one would be between chapter 10-11 of the original fic

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and comments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive comments of wanting to know what happens next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

-If we are seen together no one is going to dare to bother you at a reunion –Nora agreed, that was a benefit –no one would try to steal the elders woman

-The elders woman? –she asked challenging him by stopping her walk and oblige him to look at her eyes, Nora bited her lip seeing his throat slurp saliva down on nerviosism –do you want people to see me like that? –he blushed, looking to another side nervous he dammed this man fallen in love words like there was no consequences sometimes- gosh I want you to take me by the waist and kiss me…but that’s too much for today right? Not right here? –she laughed and went on walking again.

The image cross his mind and again slurped saliva out of words. God he wanted to. But it was to soon and they would be going fast by doing that so better don’t, maybe behind the doors in a while. Or in the next door were nobody is inside but them.

That idea stick on his mind for the rest of the evening, unable to just shake it off so fuck it, at coming back to his quarters he make a bold move and when they were alone walking in a corridor, he took Nora by the waist and drag her inside a room.

Ignorant folks would say that someone sharp as Nora would not be easy picked up without her instincts reacting but around Arthur she was…calm, she trusted the man to not hurt her at all from the deepest in so much senses, it was a surprise to be dragged inside like that but nothing to react bad besides he was holding her waist up to not let her legs tangle and fall. Both were moved inside a closed room with the lights off and when Arthur stop spinning his head around looking for someonelse…Then it was the two of them only. The man smiled at her, so she did corresponding the smile, maybe sharing the same idea…

Nora quickly cross her arms around his neck, holding, using it to balance, letting the crutches fall to the ground just holding on him, when her knees felt week Arthur will raise her a bit by the waist and back, both leaning their heads at the same time to close their lips in a kiss. This felt magical for Nora, nostalgic, like when she was in high school sneaking inside an empty classroom to make out with some boyfriend now that moments were long gone, buried in time…but good thing romance doesn’t die

She smiled against his lips, and Arthur couldn’t feel more satisfied, god she was happy, comfortable around him, despite the pain in her body and how awkward it must be only holding the weight of her entire body on his the arms she smiled. Lips started to move against each other, little kisses with sloppy low wet noises filling the room, the man adjusting better his arms to hold her better so her legs wont stress and get hurt. Corresponding the kisses, also feeling super happy to be in this moment with her like this.

-Are you okay? –he asked in a moment both separated for air, Nora nodded with the head and kiss him again, this time she was the brave one to put the tongue up, oh, okay, didn’t plan to go this far but wouldn’t say no. Tried to suppress a moan when she sucked on his tongue inside their mouths and then explore all with the tip of hers, touching even under his tongue stealing another moan from him.

Arthur kiss her slowly, giving long kisses moving his head to change angles and taste more, something about the chemical taste of the lipstick made him hungry of her mouth and the thought of his own mouth covered in red exited him, even his black beard sometime had rest of lipstick but it didn’t matter, it was hot as fuck.

His hands started to travel still holding on her back, she had such a nice figure despite being skinny. Nora gasped in their mouths at his touch and he keep devouring his mouth slowly, tasting it, making the kiss deeper, going eager on top of her, slowly tilting it down holding her waist. Nora was hanging on his neck with confidence. A heat growing in their chests slowly until he realized that if he keep like that…shit no he didn’t want a boner now, too early. Separated, she look confused and hurt until there was like always the comic smile of her, laughing at his face covered in red like every time they make out.

-I know you say it every time…-she mumble with a smile.

-Don’t make fun of me –he said leaving a kiss on her nose- hold on my neck yes? –she did and he knee down for a second to grab the crutches, Nora sighted with disappointed, that means the funny time is over. The man give her the crutches and offer his arm for her to adjust and set herself up, yawning a bit of pain at having to step all her weight on the floor with her feets on her own- are we fine?.

-Yeah –she say setting herself, crossing a bit her eyebrows in pain with her legs, painful? Yes? Unbereable? Meh.

Arthur wouldn’t say anything about it, she didn’t want his pitty, and anyway she was healing well. Just clean his face and beard like usual from the red. Cleaning his sleeve in the back of his leg covered by the coat.

-You are also red –he said also cleaning her face with a bit of spit on his fingers, Nora smiling on how caring he was.

-I wanted to propose something –she said as he worked on her face- tomorrow, a date, you and i

He stopped for a moment, frozen, and Nora saw that.

-Where? Going to the beach with crutches doesn’t sound like a good idea…

-There’s a nice spot unused across the ventibird port –oh he knew what was she talking about- by night, just the two of us looking at the stars, I bought from Teagan a nice wine to test until the night gets too cold.

-Sounds like a plan to me –he said leaving a kiss on her cheek finishing up with the red, ready to go like nothing happened…except her lipstick was a bit more pale than the bright red from before. Doubted the soldiers would notice…

By tomorrow night, Arthur found Nora on the ground of the empty station both agree to meet, sitting over a green military blanket, with another one over her shoulders, it was a cold night indeed, but of course she was counting on his plan of him taking out his coat to cover both and not freeze, spreading it around their shoulders as he sit at her side as she also cover him with the militaryblanket over her shoulders down the coat, double protection against the cold night.

-You know what I really miss from before the bombs dropped? Cheese, wine and cheese was such a threat –she said taking the glasses of wine at her side, giving one to Arthur

-Never tasted it, but I know the process is to make it is really long and tedious…-some books he read there and there…

-I know –she said, grabbing on the bottle of wine- tried to pay a family of settlers to make it, didn’t work, too complicated –that sentence came with a tone of disappointment- the last time I see a bottle of milk was in my fridge five minutes before we have to run to vault 111

Nora open the bottle, serving both.

-Theres bramin milk…-said Arthur, slurping on his glass.

-Its Terrifyingly different –Nora answer, also taking a sip.

-Brahmin droppings are great fertilizer and fuel for campfires so…I know…-he laughed, although she didn’t.

She looked serious at the sky, the night fading with the dark ocean in the horizon.

-I really miss the cheese –despite being awake in the commonwealth almost 5 years she still is very…nostalgic. Then a growl on her stomach, luckily breaking the sad moment

-I can see that –she laughed low, slurping on his wine.

-Too bad we don’t have anything to eat with the wine

-I had dinner, you? –she denied with the head- no wonder why you are depressed about some food then.

-Its not about that –again, she look at the sky, but moved a hand under the blankets to take his, tangling his fingers between, Arthur let himself do, he was comfortable- the only thing that convinced me that I wake up still on the earth and I wasn’t captured by fucked up aliens –what the hell is an alien? Something from comic books? The elder didn’t get it- was the sky, the sky and the stars were the same in the night…I would sleep under the sky in the yard of my old home, maybe waiting for someone to shoot me while sleeping, Preston surely protected and place a watch for me to avoid that, or even protect me from the fucking mutant flys all night…I really needed to see that I was still in the same place, and I would only fall asleep looking at the stars

-You told me a few things about him –at least from what she told him, the man was trustworthy but Nora had a distorted vision about so much stuff.

-Then I saw that…that for moments the sky wasn’t the same anymore –her gaze turned dark, looking at the floor- I almost shat myself when I saw the first radstorm…the light disappearing so fast, clouds so heavy that it would block the sky in seconds, electric thunders so strong that even had their own sound…I run with Dogmeat to…somewhere! I was in the middle of nowhere and I just run and run until we found a rock big enough to hide under, I was so afraid but Dogmeat…wasn’t…and then I understand that this was…normal, that this happens, if it was for him it surely must be! He is a dog! and its an everyday thing-Arthur pick up her fingers, caressing them- he was chill, staying by my side with his tongue out so I tried to calm and stand up, tried to go out in the rain and…it burned-the way her tongue said that make the man spine shiver- the rain burned, I never experienced that before-he look at the horizon, unable to distinguish the sea and the sky- after that exposure I was vomiting the next 5 days until I found a doctor

-Well a rock is not a great place to hide for a radstorm, but I understand it was your first time –Nora lean against his shoulder, placing her head still holding on his hand

-I was so scared that now the word had boiling rain…-Nora breath out, having a very deep sense of disgust on her chest- but from the stars I know I was in my same word –the feel of emptiness where her heart was sometimes gives her hints of pain –nothing could change that

-Im glad you found people to have your back, otherwise you wouldn’t be here –she nodded.

-My second general is a good friend, once I was into a guy and he would insist me so much to tell him what I feel –okletsdomaths so if Preston was around that means it was someone in this almost five years.

-Did you confess?

-Nope, I was hoping that he would confess to me first very eagerly, but he never felt that way about me and to be honest I never did anything to make him fall.

Nora knew they were getting in dangerous territory.

-That guy must be a fool to not fall for someone like you even if you didn’t approach –well about that fool Maxson…

-Im nothing impressive, didn’t catch his attention –well who would be the blind man to not fall under her spells- I was always a five of ten.

-Bullshit –he said and quickly hold on both hands in the air- you are the most beautiful woman I ever see in my life-looking into her eyes saying that was a bit too much for them that still weren’t a couple.

Nora stood there, in silence, surprised, without words -I wasn’t used even before the bombs to be told such things –and it was true, but anyway he told her that with such passion, the man was saying that directly from the heart truly believing it

-You were a catch even back then, goddam you are a lawyer, from what you told me your education is worth thousands of old dollars! -she laughed, that’s true, and making her laugh make him smile

-Its not very useful now but you are right, im worth thousands of old dollars –the man place an arm around her shoulders, and she lean against him, resting on his chest.

-Whoever you were into lost his opportunity –she went all sad all sudden, that’s when he realized his mistake.

-He lost a lot of things –silence, he hold her shoulder and lean his head on top of her. Sure, that means the man was dead, a long while ago.

-Sorry –he said, Nora place a hand on his chest.

-Its okay, this things happen here.

Arthur gaze darken, she hated the life in the wastelands, how could he make her happy? He lost and suffer too all his life but Nora…knew better…she truly know better…she isn’t used to this like an everyday thing, I mean she is by know but isn’t used to the core

-Better not see what DC turned like –the man raised his glass and take a slurp of wine. Almost empty.

-Don’t tell me that

-It’s a shithole, half of the city is blocked by the ruins and you have to move down the subways

-I went with Nate there on vacations!

-Full of supermutans also

Nora raised an eyebrow- Hostile?

Arthur raised an eyebrow, estranged- most of them, like usual. For me it was like that since I was a kid, didn’t see it go worse than already is by now, well, maybe one time –he take the last drops of wine in his cup- but that is a story for another day

-Come on –she said grabbing the bottle and serving him more.

-It’s a great story, involves Liberty Prime! –he moved around his cup, drinking, then leaving a kiss over Noras head, she smiled.

She knew she felt…loved…she can see this feelings coming from him.

-Easy with the wine boy –the man fill her glass even if she didn’t finish it raising the bottle

-We are fine –he said, Nora chill her glass with his and then drink also, in the moment she moved her glass down he low his head to leave a little chap kiss over her lips, making her laugh- what more do I need to enjoy a good wine than a good company? –she was going to talk but- don’t say cheese

-Mmm –she leave the glass to a side, getting on her knees sitting on her toes, looking directly at his eyes- maybe some Sizzlin' strawberry donuts?

-Oh –he left his glass also a side, sitting better, moving his hands to her waist, caressing up and down giving the woman nice shivers- that can be arranged…

Her arms moved behind his neck, clinging into his shoulders –Ill be waiting the next date already

Both kiss, with a smile, laughing against their mouths, happy to be at each other side, pressing further their hands into their bodys to get closer, soon distances were cut between both and they were kissing stick to each other, moving their lips eagerly

This was fine, the growing heat in their bodys contrasted the cold of the night, besides they were covered by the blanket and oh gosh his comfortable coat under them. Arthurs hands slip down to her hips, holding firmly, Nora move closer sticking her chest to his and oh my the man groaned in her mouth, he loved having her figure against him. Despite that neither were desperate, yeah of course they took some wine and were light of hands, but were relaxed, happy with each other.

They continue with soft wet kisses, slipping their lips doing little sounds, just enjoying the heat coming from the others mouth, savoring the moment, Arthur enjoying touching her wide hips and Nora moving her hands around on his back, loving the shape of his muscles and bones. This was nice, sharing moments like this often makes the elders mind imagine things. That they feel for each other much more than just their perfect connection in bed, that they could be…more…

The kiss slowly became more…passionate, wanting to devour the other mouth, tongues started getting inside to play with each other, the man sucking on her making Nora moan inside, giving him nice shivers from the sound of her voice, the sentinel biting on his upper lip a few times as her hands moved down to his shoulders, leaning into him to use it as a support, he loved her hands around him, gosh he was her toy. Her legs wrapped around his waist and Arthur again close their mouths in a tongue kiss, sucking again on her tongue making her moan.

Yessssss. This was amazing.

His arms wrapped around her back and Arthur took the chance to intensify the kiss and suck harder, using it as a distraction to pin her down on the blankets now in the ground, protecting her head with his palm, getting on fours over her, Nora just close her arms around his neck and also started to suck his tongue, making the mans head light. Completely submissive over him, having full trust on how he manipulates her body.

Now in the ground and down he took his chance to move and kiss her cheeks, leaving small wet kisses biting down on her neck, she had short hair now because of the injury on her head so her neck was available and he…use it, licking and sucking on spots, playing with his tongue around his teeth in her skin. A loud moan left the woman lips and she knew this was going too far, despite how good it felt having her sensitive neck sucked by spots he already knows by now after so many times sharing the bed the last time they did it outside she ended up with a fever, better not now, not injured at least.

She started to move down and trying to pull him off, moving her arms around.

-Are you okay? –he stopped, whispering on her ear leaving a little kiss.

-Not here…

The man moved away and place a hand on her cheek, Nora wrapped it around hers and leave a kiss on the palm, making the man breath out, she look so beautiful. Both look at the other eyes for a few seconds, until Arthur moved down and leave a kiss on her forehead.

-You are right, lest go to the most comfortable and safest bed in the Commonwealth

-I just need it to be warmer than this –he laughed, getting up and moving to her side, giving her hand to raise up.

-It will be –and she grab it, going up and leaving a small soft kiss on his lips

#fallout 4 #sole survivor #elder maxson #arthur maxson #makahimefanfic

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uppermocns-moved · 3 years

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𝘢𝘰𝘵 + 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘥

eren, armin, levi, jean

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 – nsfw (minors don’t like/reblog/respond), mentions of hard kinks, female reader. shifts in and out of canonverse/modernverse so use your imagination!

𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯 𝘫𝘢𝘦𝘨𝘦𝘳

always dominant. can be hard or soft dom depending on the mood.

into harder kinks (with heavy communication and consent): somno, breeding, impact play, breath play, free use, etc.

super high sex drive and usually always horny. when he’s bored, he’ll jerk off to pictures you’ve sent him and porn you’ve made together (he’s not camera shy), but never let himself cum, just lazily edge.

he edges for days at a time – not only goes it feel so fucking good, but it gives him thicker loads to pump inside you later.

obsessed with cumming inside you. he’ll fuck load after load as deep as he can inside you, watch in awe as it leaks out of you, then use his fingers to push it back in. he’s not shy about his possessiveness and this is just a further reminder that you’re his.

secretly doesn’t mind when you scratch up his back – he loves looking in the mirror and seeing visual evidence of how good he made you feel.

also secretly loves when you give him hickies in obvious spots. he does absolutely nothing to hide them, he loves reminding everyone of his place. it’s a nonverbal way of saying “i’m taken, fuck off”

wouldn’t care if he broke his neck from you riding his face. he welcomes it, actually.

heavily into bdsm (emphasis on the s&m), and dom/sub dynamics. while he loves perfect little subs that’ll treat him like some sort of god, he adores when you get bratty and talk back. makes things a lot more fun.

loves embarrassing you.

“my god, baby, can fuckin’ hear how wet you are.” “soaking your panties and i didn’t even fuckin’ touch you. what’s got you so wet, sweetheart? thinking of my cock?” “that felt good, didn’t it? don’t hide from me, pumpkin, let me see your pretty face.”

threesomes. foursomes. you name it. while eren’s possessive over you, he doesn’t mind sharing with his friends (if you consent, of course). he loves knowing how worked up everyone gets over his girlfriend, loves fucking you in front of them to show everyone how wrapped around his finger you are.

safeword! mean and rough is what eren does best. even while he’s slapping you around and calling you dummy, or an eager little slut for his cock, he’ll still check in with you and make sure you’re still feeling good and enjoying yourself. he may like hurting you, but he never wants to actually hurt you. never forgets aftercare, either, you’re still his precious angel that he loves more than anyone.

he’s incredibly vocal – dirty talk, moaning, growling, cursing, degradation.

if you’re too tired to go all the way, he loves mutual masturbation, or jerking himself off while you talk dirty in his ear. always wants to hear what you want him to do to you.

big fan of including toys, usually always fucking you with your magic wand on your clit.

sex without the power dynamics is still very intense and passionate. lots of making out, scratching his back and pulling him closer, deep thrusts, curses, eren telling you he loves you, kissing your forehead while you cum.

𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘵

doesn’t really involve himself in strict power dynamics. he’s very versatile and the role he assumes depends on the mood.

prefers biting over spanking and choking you with his fingers over wrapping a hand around your throat (but he will do both).

loves eating pussy and will tease you by gently kissing you through your panties. definitely bites your inner thighs. whispers to you from between your legs and tells you how good you taste. makes you cum over and over, each time moaning into your core and tightening his grip on your thighs to keep you right where he wants you. he only stops when you’re crying and twitching, physically unable to cum one more time.

loves when you’re rough and press his face into your pussy or pull his hair to guide his mouth where you want it. you can hurt him a little. as a treat.

loves when you grab him by the chin and pull him up for a desperate kiss after he eats you out for hours.

goes heavy on the body worship, especially when you wear pretty lil outfits for him.

memorized your body and knows it better than you do. he knows when you’re close, you can’t hide from him.

his possessive side comes out hardcore during sex – armin doesn’t share. he’ll bite marks into your flesh and use his sweet, soft-spoken voice to get into your head. he wants to be the only thought in your mind, the source of all your pleasure.

“mine. you’re all mine. not fuckin’ sharing you.”

if you want him to, he can be fucking mean. he contrasts his harsh words with gentle touches, or tells you sweet things while patting your cheek just a little too rough. it’s almost scary how effortlessly he can change his demeanor to someone entirely different.

loves when you come by to “help” him study (lazily jerk him off while he does his required reading and assignments).

actually just loves when you jerk him off for that matter, especially when he gets to rut into your fist until he’s overstimulated and making a mess of your hand.

easily excitable – just gotta kiss him with tongue all soft and slow and he’ll get all flustered poking against your leg

obsessed with having his mouth on your tits – sucking them, licking them, letting his hand palm and grope at the one not receiving attention.

eye contact is a massive turn on and makes everything feel so much more intimate. he’ll gently grab your chin and redirect your sight, or give your inner thigh a little nip to make you open your eyes again. “focus on me, sweet girl.”

armin’s weaknesses are praise and heavy personal attention. sometimes he’s stressed out and just needs you to take care of him. he’ll sit between your legs, back pressed to your front, and let you stroke him until he’s overstimulated or so pent-up from denial. it makes him dizzy when you whisper praise in his ear, telling him how pretty he looks and how good he’s being for you.

“you wanna cum for me, pretty boy? that feel good? you like when i touch you like this, don’t you? such a good boy for me, armin.”

𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘪 𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘯

no defined power dynamic/roles – you do whatever the mood calls for. sometimes he’s pounding you into next week, sometimes you’re denying him orgasms for two hours straight until his voice cracks when he begs.

that being said, levi is a natural brat-tamer and can be a hard dom when he’s agitated and needs to blow off steam. his job is literally to keep brats in check – he doesn’t tolerate insubordination or backtalk (sometimes you test that out though).

restraining your arms behind your back with his belt, spanking you until you can’t sit, reprimanding slaps, filthy degradation, punishing thrusts. he can be mean.

“soaking through your panties and i didn’t even touch you. pathetic.” “i wasn’t fucking asking. knees, now.”

he’s a masochist and loves when you scratch up his back, wrap a hand around his throat, bite him, pull his hair, etc.

borderline sadistic in the way that he will make you cum twenty times before he even considers letting up. he’s relentless.

loves watching you get yourself off, or make out with you while you get each other off

gets weak when you pull him in by the shirt collar

holds your hands :)

quickies are usually the only option due to your chaotic schedules. you get at least five minutes alone together, you don’t take it for granted.

slow morning sex is his favorite – the sun is barely peeking over the horizon and you don’t have to worry about the outside world yet. it’s just the two of you and you can really take your time.

starts off kind of shy about being vocal and you need to ease him into it

after he finishes, he’ll take a moment to caress and admire your pretty face and kiss your forehead, then make a teasing comment about how you’re sweaty.

gets a little carried away and accidentally rips all the buttons off your shirt

giving you head is a form of stress relief for him, he really just loves pleasuring you

takes incredible care of you afterwards – acts as a crutch when your legs are too shaky, gets you water, wipes away messes with a damp cloth, even runs you a bath if you have that much time.

“tch. don’t say i never do anything for you, brat.”

likes when you give him hickies in spots that his uniform will cover. it’s a secret that only the two of you are in on.

levi gets a little publicly affectionate when you return to your duties after having sex – still incredibly reserved, but he’ll ruffle your hair and look at you with the fondest eyes. maybe give your hand a squeeze if nobody’s looking.

𝘫𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘬𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘪𝘯

naturally dominant. typically a softer dom unless you provoke him, then he has no issue roughing you up and fucking you into a drooling mess.

so big and strong and loves any position that demonstrates that – fucking you against the wall with your legs wrapped tight around his hips, stand-and-carry, having you on top and bouncing you like you weigh nothing.

loves when you dig your nails into his back

slightly prefers ass over tits but is overall a leg/thigh kind of guy. includes feet. i’m so sorry.

stockings/thigh high socks/fishnets/garters absolutely knock him out

great stamina while you’re fucking but almost instantly falls asleep when you’re done. or just wants to cuddle.

mildly into somnophilia (receiving – loves being woken up with blowjobs)

praises you heavily while you’re riding him

“that’s it, just like that. good girl. good fucking girl.”

can get a little too romantic when he’s really close and not thinking clearly

“gonna make me cum, angel, love this pussy so fucking much. love you so fucking much.”

prefers cumming inside you but he’s really just happy to be included

he gets a little goofy during quickies and does things like bite your asscheek before eating you out.

secretly loves when you tie his wrists to the headboard and use him however you want. overstimulation is one of his favorite things, especially when it’s your hand forcing orgasm after orgasm from him.

generally into rope-play but also really likes using his hands and sheer strength alone

bite his bottom lip or gently touch his upper thigh and he’s instantly hard

he’s a hopeless romantic! masturbating alone isn’t the same! he likes dirty-talking on the phone with you when you’re not together, or he just waits until you are.

will break the headboard and dent the wall if he gets carried away

loves shower sex after stressful days

gets hard from making out – especially if you’re half-dressed on his lap and grinding against his bulge. sometimes he can feel you all warm and throbbing through your panties and he almost blacks out.

worships your pussy but he will actually start writing his vows the moment you take him down your throat.

request your fav here. more of my writing.

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blu-joons · 3 years

Text

When He Notices That You’ve Injured Yourself ~ Seventeen Reaction

S.Coups:

A loud yell came from Seungcheol, pointing his hand to the back of your arm where he noticed a large bruise that had suddenly appeared on your body.

“What happened to you whilst I was at work?” Seungcheol asked, carefully pulling you towards him so that he could inspect the marking and check it over.

Your eyes looked behind your back to see what had captured his attention. “I wish I could give you an answer, but I had no idea I had a bruise there.”

“No idea?” Seungcheol asked in surprise, brushing his finger over it, only for you not to react. “What could you have done to even cause a bruise on your arm like this?”

“I really have no idea, unless I bashed it in my sleep or something.”

A soft sigh came from him, unable to hide his frustration that he didn’t have the answers. “You’ve really got to take better care of yourself Y/N.”

Your head nodded, smiling across at him. “If I knew what had caused the bruise I could try and do a better job of taking care of myself too.”

“Are you sure you can’t remember?” He asked once again, only for your head to shake. “I want to keep an eye on it, make sure it heals well.”

“Don’t worry, now we know it’s there, we’ll keep an eye out.”

Jeonghan:

As soon as you felt Jeonghan’s hand stop running through the strands of your hair, you looked up to him in confusion as to what was going on.

“Since when did you have a cut on your forehead?” He questioned, inspecting it closely, “I swear that wasn’t there yesterday, was it?”

Your head shook back at him, “I did bang my head earlier, but I just presumed that I was fine because nothing hurt. Is it a bad cut? Does it need treating?”

“It’s only little,” he quickly assured you, pressing a kiss over it. “But how many times have I told you to be careful, sometimes you seem to forget just how clumsy you really are.”

“It was an accident, I just misjudged how tall the shelf was.”

His eyes rolled, moving his hand back through your hair. “I might have to start wrapping you in bubble wrap whilst I’m at work to stop you from hurting yourself.”

A soft giggle escaped from you, “I’m not that bad, anyway this small cut is far from the worst of injuries that I’ve caused myself whilst you’ve been at work.”

“That’s a given,” Jeonghan sniggered, “I still remember coming home to see you collapsed in the shower because you couldn’t stand on one leg.”

“I thought we agreed that was an incident that we didn’t speak of?”

Joshua:

You stopped walking as soon as you heard Joshua call out your name, spinning around on your heels to see what it was that he wanted from you.

“Why is there blood on the back of your shirt?” He questioned, beckoning you back to him so that he could take a closer look. “Is it yours?”

Your shoulders shrugged back at him, unsure of the answer. “I’m guessing that it must be, but I don’t remember hurting myself or bleeding either?”

“Let me take a look,” he spoke, lifting your shirt up slowly, hissing underneath his breath. “You’ve got quite the cut along your spine, what the heck have you been doing?”

“I don’t know, I can’t remember doing anything to make myself bleed.”

His head shook as he lowered your top back down, “try and think, you don’t get a mark like that from doing nothing. It’s like you’ve been in a fight or something.”

As you thought back, a memory popped into your head. “Well, I did fall into the coffee machine at work today, but surely that can’t cause a cut like that.”

“You’re so clumsy,” Joshua laughed, throwing himself back on the sofa, “did no one at work say anything to you with blood on your shirt either?”

“No! Damn, I really do work with a bunch of snakes at that office.”

Jun:

His eyebrows furrowed as he noticed what was a small cut on your arm from earlier in the day turn a darker shade of red, as it began to scab over too.

“That’s not looking good,” Junhui sighed, pulling you closer so that he could take a closer look, “does it hurt if I touch it or do anything?”

Your eyes looked to him in confusion as his hand ran along the length of your arm. “What’s supposed to hurt if you touch it? My arm?”

“The cut,” Junhui stated as if it were obvious, “don’t act like it’s nothing and shrug it off, it’s a pretty sore cut that you’ve got going on there Y/N, it can’t be pain free.”

“Junhui, I really have no idea what you’re going on about.”

His hand grabbed your arm and turned it so that you could finally get a look at the cut. “Are you really telling me that you had no idea that you had this?”

Your head nodded, although he still didn’t quite believe you. “It’s not sore at all, even if it does look nasty. You could probably hit it and I wouldn’t even feel a thing.”

“How?” He chuckled, dropping your arm back down to your side, “what sort of alien are you to not feel a single bit of pain from a cut like that?”

“I’m very much a human, just with a higher pain tolerance than most.”

Hoshi:

Soonyoung soon grabbed onto you as your top rose up, noticing a large bruise on your hip, turning you around in his arm so that he could take a better look.

“Is that from when I bumped into you in the kitchen earlier?” He instantly asked you, hopeful that something else had caused the bruising.

Your eyes glanced down at it, shaking your head as you noticed his panicked expression. “It was probably me; I did bump into the table leg earlier too.”

“But what if I was the one that caused it?” He whispered, brushing the pad of his thumb over it, only for you not to respond. “Does it not hurt? It looks like a bad one.”

“I didn’t even realise that I had a bruise there until you saw.”

His head nodded, feeling a little bit better about things. “Even if it wasn’t caused by me, I want you to know how sorry I am for bumping into you earlier like that.”

Your hand rested over his, “accidents happen all the time, especially when two people are trying to cook in a kitchen. I’ll survive, the bruise will go in a few days.”

“I’ll make sure that I look after you until then,” Soonyoung vowed, “it’s the least I can do if I was potentially the one who caused it.”

“I’m sure you didn’t, but I won’t complain about being looked after.”

Wonwoo:

A pair of hands quickly caught you as you tried to stand up from the sofa only to feel your body tumble back down, being eased into Wonwoo’s lap.

“Steady,” he frowned, noticing the surprise on your face too. “What happened there? Are you hurt at all and hiding it from me again?”

Your head shook as Wonwoo moved you to beside him so that he could take a look. “I’m not sure, maybe I lost my balance or something, I’m not too sure.”

“Balance is definitely the issue,” he sighed as he looked at your feet, “remember that tiny bump you had after your fall yesterday? It’s not so tiny anymore I’m afraid.”

“But how can a swollen bruise cause me to fall over like that?”

Wonwoo smiled sympathetically in your direction, “your ankle is pretty weak right now, that’s probably why, it needs a bit of time to heal, properly at least.”

You soon picked up on what Wonwoo was implying. “I’m not going to hospital, not for this. The last thing I need is crutches or anything like that to help me.”

“You need to get it checked over,” he tried to reason, “if it’s swollen like this then there could be something more serious going on. Please?”

“Fine, as long as you promise that you won’t leave my side at all.”

Woozi:

His hand grabbed onto your leg as soon as Jihoon thought he saw something, turning it over to see a cut just at the bottom of your knee as he thought.

“When did you do this?” He asked, turning your leg once again so that you could take a look. “This looks like it’s causing a bit of pain.”

Your head shook in response leaving Jihoon slightly surprised. “I had no idea that I’d even hurt myself until you pointed it out, it’s not been sore in the slightest.”

“Are you mad?” He chuckled, grabbing a tissue off of his desk to wipe it over, “you must not be human to not even feel that you’ve cut your leg like this Y/N.”

“I’m being serious, it’s not hurt at all, even on the walk over here.”

His eyes looked to you in complete surprise, “it looks pretty deep too, maybe we should keep an eye on this for a little while just in case it’s something serious.”

You took a closer look for yourself, noticing just how deep of a cut it was. “I’m sure it’s not that bad, it can’t be too serious if I haven’t even been able to feel it.”

“That’s what worries me,” Jihoon admitted, “don’t go home just yet, stay here so I can make sure that it starts healing properly first.”

“I’ll stay here for a little while, just to be sure and ease your mind.”

DK:

As soon as your eyes fell on the cheeky smile on Seokmin’s face, you knew you were in trouble as he knelt down to take a look at the cut on your leg.

“Move the tissue away,” he instructed, taking another look at the cut on your leg before taking the plaster out of his pocket to apply.

You watched closely, reaching out to stop him though when you realised what he had picked up. “I’m a grown adult Seokmin, I’m not wearing a frog plaster on my leg.”

“It’s the only one I could find in the dorm,” he argued, moving your hand away, “it’s this or walking around the streets with blood trickling down your leg like an idiot.”

“I think I’d rather just deal with the blood to be honest with you.”

His head shook, peeling off the wrapper of the plaster. “Don’t be stupid, you’ll barely be able to see the plaster through your tights anyway, it’s no big deal really.”

Your eyes widened at his words, “you might enjoy making a fool of yourself, but some of us have too much pride to wear a stupid frog plaster in public.”

“It could be worse,” Seokmin tried to comfort, “if the cut was big enough there’s a farmyard bandage that we have from years ago you could have had.”

“And suddenly the frog plaster doesn’t seem like such a bad thing.”

Mingyu:

A loud squeal came from you as you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist and lift you into the air, carrying you across the field and over to a bench.

“Are you alright?” Mingyu asked as he helped you sit down, “I noticed that your ankle was looking a bit swollen when you ran just then.”

You barely had time to comprehend what was going on before Mingyu was checking you over. “My ankle is fine, or at least I think it is. How can you tell it’s swollen anyway?”

“I’ve hurt my ankles enough times,” he commented, focused on taking off your trainer and your sock. “It definitely looks as if you’ve done a little bit of damage there.”

“It doesn’t even hurt, so how can you be so sure about that?”

Mingyu’s eyes looked up to you, “just trust me on this one, it might not hurt now, but when we get home later tonight that ankle will be giving you a lot of bother.”

Your head nodded as your body sunk down on the bench, “this is the last thing I need, getting injured during a stupid game of catch is just embarrassing.”

“Don’t worry,” he quickly assured you, “I know exactly what to do when ankles get injured, I promise you won’t feel much pain with me looking after you.”

“Aren’t you just the perfect knight in shining armour for me?”

The8:

You watched on as Minghao leant down and pulled at the top of your sock, noticing a trickle of dry blood that had run down onto the material.

“Did you hurt yourself?” He questioned, confused when your shoulders shrugged back at him. “How do you not know if you’ve hurt yourself?”

Before you had the time to answer, he pulled your sock back and noticed a large scratch along your leg. “That must have been from when I was on my bike earlier.”

“How did you not notice a cut this big? Or even the blood?” Minghao questioned, struggling to understand what had happened. “Does it not even hurt you?”

“Not really, I just thought it would be a soft scratch, no blood.”

His head shook as he took your sock off, throwing it to the floor. “The blood probably won’t come out of that now seeing as it’s a white sock too.”

You nodded back at him, taking a better look at the cut that you had. “I don’t care about my socks, but I am a little bit worried about just how bad this cut looks.”

“Don’t worry,” Minghao quickly comforted, “I’ll go and get the first aid kit and I’ll make sure that this cut gets cleaned up properly now that it’s noticed.”

“It’s a good job you’re on the ball and paying attention.”

Seungkwan:

He couldn’t hide the laughter that came from him as he ran his hand over the top of your head, feeling a large lump right at the very top.

“It’s like a mountain on the top of your head,” he instantly teased, “there’s no way that you could have not realised that thing growing.”

Your head shook, flinching away from Seungkwan’s hand, “funnily enough I don’t touch the top of my head too often to notice when it starts swelling.”

“What were you doing with your head in a cupboard anyway,” he continued to laugh, struggling to believe what had happened. “You do some weird stuff.”

“I was trying to find rice to cook for your dinner, actually.”

As he noticed the pain you were in, Seungkwan’s laughter began to stop. “You’re not going to need me to call an ambulance for you or anything like that?”

Your hand reached across to hit against his chest, “I’ve hurt myself Seungkwan, for once you could try and not see the funny side and help me out.”

“You’re right,” he frowned, resting his hand against your waist, “shall I order us some take out? We’ve probably got no rice for dinner now, right?”

“I meant help me out, not think about your hungry stomach.”

Vernon:

The gasp that came from Vernon instantly caught your attention, looking back you noticed his eyes firmly watching the back of your leg.

“What happened?” He asked, pointing to the spot that he was focused on, “that’s turning a pretty nasty shade of purple there Y/N.”

You tried to turn back around and take a look at what was on your leg for yourself. “Oh,” you chuckled when you noticed a bruise forming.

“You didn’t know?” Vernon asked in a slight state of disbelief, “that looks like it’s probably causing you some pain, and you didn’t notice that it was there?”

“I had no idea it was there; it doesn’t hurt at all though.”

A surprised chuckle came from Vernon, “so you can notice tiny things about me, but not when you’ve managed to bruise your leg as big as that is?”

“That’s because I care about you a lot,” you sweetly responded, “as for my own body, it’s already been battered and bruised plenty of times before.”

Vernon’s head shook back in your direction. “It’s a good job I care enough to notice you in that case, you need to make sure that you keep a bit of an eye on that thing.”

“That’s where you come in, always taking the best care of me.”

Dino:

You couldn’t hold back the hiss that came from you as Chan’s hand ran along your arm, clutching at it tightly as he moved away.

“What’s wrong?” He questioned, watching closely as you moved your hand to study where the pain had come from. “Are you hurt?”

Your head slowly nodded as you remembered banging your arm earlier in the day, “I think it’s just the beginnings of a bruise that you caught.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, instantly feeling guilty, “do you want me to get you some ice or something to try and take away some of the pain.”

“No, it’s alright, I think it was the shock more than anything else.”

Chan’s head nodded back at you, “one day you’ll learn to stop being so clumsy and watch where you’re going.”

Your eyes rolled in response to him, “I didn’t think I’d hurt myself because my arm didn’t hurt, maybe I should have given it sometime after all.”

“As long as you’re alright?” Chan sighed, taking a hold of your hand much more carefully this time around, “are you sure that you don’t need anything for it?”

“It’s nothing, except for probably a nasty bruise in the morning.”

---

Masterlist

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imfluentinfangirlandgay · 3 years

Text

Thrown Home Again - Pt 3

Part 3, I'm sucked in now and made another plotline whoops

Word Count: ~5100

Ingo shifted in his seat, testing the new appendage. They called him and got him in a little early for the prosthetist and they were able to make him two new feet, both very similar, with one as a backup. Both were simple, they each had a plastic foot on the end that was connected to a metal rod with a ball joint, allowing the foot to move freely, and the metal rod was attached to a metal and plastic piece that cupped around his stump. They also recommended compression socks for his stump to put on before attaching the prosthetic, which then suctioned directly to his leg. After trying them on and getting them adjusted, he stood cautiously, Emmet close by in case he fell. He put some weight on the leg, taking some baby steps to test it out. He moved around, bending his knee to test how far the foot could move. “I will admit, this is much more comfortable than my old leg,” he said, making Emmet snort.

“The old one was metal and wood. Of course it’s more comfortable.” The woman helping adjust the leg properly gave them both a confused look but said nothing. Ingo walked around the office, relishing in the mobility he had regained with the ability to move his foot around. He could almost walk normally!

“Your strides look more natural. Is that tight enough or too tight?”

“I’d say it fits perfectly well, miss. No more crutches for me,” he added. The doctor gave them some basic guidelines for usage of the limb - how long it was safe to wear it, proper cleaning, what to do with common malfunctions, and other similar things - and sent them on their way. Ingo immediately draped his pant leg over the limb after putting on his shoes, looking at the appendage critically. It was a little loose around that leg due to the lack of flesh it contained, but if one didn’t look too hard, it was barely noticeable. He saw Emmet watching him. Emmet smiled and gave him a thumbs-up. Ingo managed to keep pace as they left the office. If Ingo were capable, he would have smiled. It felt nice to have a modern leg, even if it wasn’t the one he’d grown up with. They went home and indulged in some food and TV before planning the next phase of action.

“I suppose it is time to decide how to reveal myself to the public,” Ingo atoned suddenly. He could see Emmet’s concerned gaze out of the corner of his eye.

“Your ribs aren’t fully healed.”

“Yes, but I can tell they are getting better. They do not hurt so much and I have an appointment with the doctor in five days. I can handle some news things. I would someday like to return to the Subway.” He didn’t quite know how Emmet would react to this. They had avoided the topic of Ingo returning to the Subway ever since his return (not that it was hard with Emmet still having to go to work so as not to raise suspicion). He knew that he wanted to return more than anything else, but Emmet had been strongly protective of him lately. After his fall in the shower, Emmet had gotten a rod installed for Ingo (it was extremely useful, actually, though it made him feel old when he used it) and was making other changes to make their home more accessible to Ingo, such as leaving his things on the right-hand counter whenever he knew Ingo would use them or making sure the floor was cleaned up. He knew Emmet did not like going to work without him right now, partly because he was still afraid Ingo would disappear again. Ingo understood. They hadn’t slept a night apart since his arrival, not that he was complaining. There was a small part of him wondering when the fluke would be up and he would wake up on the cold stone floor of Sneasler’s cave without Emmet by his side… As much as he missed Sneasler, he had to admit that being in his own time felt more right to him.

Emmet sighed. “I know. I won’t fight you on that. Just… at least let your ribs heal properly. Please.” Emmet looked torn, though he also seemed to know that if he had tried to keep Ingo from the Subway, it was going to be one battle he was not victorious in. The Subway had been their shared dream and hobby, and Ingo was counting the days until he could return. He insisted Emmet take his Pokemon with him so that they weren’t just cooped up in the apartment with him all day, but Chandelure vehemently refused, opting instead to float by Ingo, sometimes under his arm in case he needed to lean on her. She never seemed to express regret at her choice in staying with Ingo. He remembered why she was his partner.

“I promise, I will heal properly before reentering the platform.” His eye lit up. “Though I am so excited to get back on the trains, I want to run my Single Battles again and get to use my old partners, I have been looking at my Hisui team and trying to know how to incorporate them into my Unova team to come up with the best type advantages and stats I could use-”

“Oh!” Emmet’s smile split his face. “Oh, can I help you, Ingo? I’d verrry much love to see what Pokemon pair well with what. We could see their stats. And their natures. Pair them off, try to make the best combinations…” They spent the next three hours discussing Pokemon battles and tactics. Ingo had missed this, he simply hadn’t had the luxury of discussing the finer details of Pokemon battling in Hisui, as no one was familiar with them. And Emmet had never seen his Hisui team before, meaning he got to talk to him through all of their abilities and natures. It was exhilarating. They settled down eventually, relaxing on the couch as they had the TV playing in the background.

Ingo awoke to sunlight streaming through the window, his head in the crook of Emmet’s shoulder, who was snoring. The TV was still on, flickering images accompanying him as he stood and hobbled his way to the bathroom, leg gone. Then he made himself some coffee. He made sure to make some extra for when Emmet got up. He sat in the kitchen, Chandelure above him as he sipped the beverage, looking out the window at Nimbasa City. He thought about Hisui, all the people and Pokemon he’d met. He thought about Irida and Sneasler, about Adaman and even Melli. He thought about the child who had fallen from the sky not long before he had been whisked home, Rei. He knew they were long gone by now, but it would have been nice to say a proper farewell. He hoped Rei got to return to his own time. Ingo ran a calloused hand through his now-short hair. Elesa had brought one of her makeup artists over to just cut it on their back deck, out of sight of the public. He sighed.

Ingo continued to sip his coffee, deep in thought. He still had those Pokeballs with the alpha Pokemon of extinct species. Drayden had not yet mentioned that Professor in Sinnoh getting back to him. He hoped he heard something back soon, for their sakes. The sun felt rather nice on his skin. Chandelure gave a soft, haunting chime of contentment. Ingo motioned to her, standing from the table and pulling open the sliding glass door that led to the deck. It still had two lawn chairs sitting out there. Ingo seated himself, watching the street behind their apartment complex as people came and went.

Some time later, the door creaked farther open, revealing an Emmet with a cup of his own coffee and bedhead. He scratched the back of his neck and blinked at the sun blearily. “Long’ve you been up?” he slurred.

“Maybe an hour. Care to sit with me?” Ingo motioned to the chair next to him. Emmet sat with a thump, nearly spilling the hot coffee all over himself, but somehow avoiding it. Chandelure chimed at him, nuzzling his messy hair with her glass. Emmet absentmindedly patted the ghost as he sipped his coffee. They sat together in silence, occasionally one of them sipping their drink.

“Are you happy to be home?” Emmet asked suddenly. Ingo glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. Emmet was not looking at him, instead watching the people below them still. He brought his mug to his lips.

“Yes. In Hisui, I never quite… fit in. My mannerisms, my volume, my mode of dress, it was all so far removed from anything in Hisui. Not to mention I was a foreigner. The people were kind to me, but cautious of me. While I was accepted as part of the Pearl Clan, it was still apparent that I was not born one of them. That is, in large part, why I kept to myself and Lady Sneasler. Pokemon never seemed to mind my oddness so much, and in fact, they rather enjoyed my company. And throw in the fact that I had no clue where I had come from… I was not exactly one for a good conversation. People never avoided me, per se, but they never got in my headlights unless they needed something, if you understand. They were all kind to me, especially Lady Irida, but I never fit into their lifestyle. There is a part of me that wishes I could have said a proper goodbye, but I do not at all regret coming home. I feel… like I should be here. With you. With Elesa and Drayden and Iris. In a way that I just never felt in Hisui.”

Silence met his words, though he knew that did not mean Emmet had not heard them. “Was it lonely in Hisui?” Ingo could see Emmet dart his gaze towards him.

“In many ways, yes. Though I had no memories of my time before falling into the Icelands, I always felt that something was missing. Someone, to be exact. Someone who had always been there, who had understood me even better than I understood myself. I knew I was only one piece of something sent adrift on the tracks, but I could not remember what it was or why. I found solace in Lady Sneasler’s company, but I craved something I did not know how to describe. Something that no Pokemon or human in Hisui could provide. I felt like I was being tugged along, but I could not sense the direction I could take.

“The absolute closest I ever came to that level of companionship was when a child fell from the rift in the sky, not dissimilar to how I had three years prior. He was also missing his memories, and was treated as an outsider. Like me, he excelled with Pokemon and became the brightest member of the Expedition Team. He defeated gods, compiled the first Pokedex, and even beat me in some Pokemon battles. He took a liking to me and would often come visit me in the Highlands, bringing me food from the village and small wooden carvings they made. One of them was a Sneasler. I wish I could have brought it home. He and I would talk for hours on end about Pokemon, because there weren’t many other topics to discuss. It’s hard to find common ground when neither cab has memories of themselves. He was the one I connected with the best, other than Lady Sneasler herself. I hope he got to go home when his journey was over.” Ingo looked down at his now cold cup of coffee, setting the mug on the concrete by his foot. It was quiet again. Emmet sipped his own drink as he thought about what Ingo had said. "I realized upon returning that the thing I was missing was you, Emmet. I remembered very little, except for the feeling of completeness you give me. Seeing your face in the subway yesterday, it finally clicked. I understood." He turned to his brother. "I miss you, Emmet, more than I can describe." Emmet made eye contact with him, some emotion in his eyes that was reminiscent of the way Ingo felt now. Both looked back to the street and gave a soft sigh.

Ingo leaned back in the chair, reaching up and patting Chandelure. She floated down and settled in his lap, giving off a soft glow as he stroked her. It was peaceful. He watched the street below, people milling about as they made their way to shops or to work. He yawned. “You’re smiling,” Emmet spoke softly. Ingo turned his head to Emmet, who was watching him with a dopey grin.

“I am?”

“Yes. Are you happy?”

“Yes. I am.” Emmet held out his hand and Ingo took it, squeezing it. They both continued watching the street. A woman with a Purrloin in her handbag talked on her Xtrans as she purposefully strode down the street. A child wearing headphones and a backpack rushed into a shop. A man in a suit moved slowly across the street, likely heading into work for the day. Emmet had closed his eyes, enjoying the moment.

Ingo could hear something coming down the street, but he paid it no mind. It was likely just a truck of some kind. The noise kept approaching their building louder and louder. Ingo knitted his brows. What was that noise? He gently released Emmet’s hand, alerting him to his motion. He pushed himself up and out of the chair, leaning on the railing to get a better look. He still couldn’t see the thing until it flew around the building, the noise suddenly booming around them. People were moving out of the way, running to the sidewalks to avoid being hit.

It was a Wyrdeer. It was not Lord Wyrdeer, but it must have been an Alpha, thundering its way down the road. On its back were three figures that Ingo was quite shocked to see. A child wearing all navy and a red cap, his red scarf billowing behind him, a small woman in all pink, and a man wearing all blue with a topknot. Ingo watched, stunned, as they began to pass his building. He did the first thing he could think of, cupping his hands around his mouth as he shouted.

“ALL ABOOOOOOOARD!”

Immediately, the Pokemon halted in its tracks, screeching to a halt in the street. All three of their heads whipped around, looking for the source of the sound. Rei was the first to spot him, spurring the animal towards the building, trotting. He was smiling. He felt Emmet stand next to him after he called out, unsure of what was happening. Wyrdeer trotted forward, allowing its passengers off a few feet from the building. Ingo and Emmet lived on the second floor, though, and they were not able to get too close. Rei recalled the Pokemon as he cried out, “Uncle Ingo we were looking everywhere for you!” Emmet choked harshly beside him, coughing violently.

“Enter the door, come up to room 2. We should converse in private.” Ingo sincerely hoped that no one had heard the child speak his name. Nothing to be done about it now. Ingo hobbled back into the house, Emmet offering an arm that Ingo took for the sake of speed. He hopped over to the couch where he had left his leg last night, reattaching it hastily. Emmet, confused, manned the door, looking through the peephole for their visitors. He did not ask anything. Ingo knew he wanted to have answers, but Ingo also knew that Emmet knew he would get them. Within minutes, the three had found their way to their door, Emmet swinging it open. He cocked his head. There was no sound.

“Ingo?” Rei’s voice floated in. Emmet shook his head.

“I am Emmet. I am Ingo’s twin. Ingo is inside.” He opened the door a little wider, ushering everyone in and shutting the door behind him. Ingo waved from his spot on the couch.

“We should move to the kitchen for this, there is not enough space for so many passengers in this part of the station.” Ingo stood, walking normally now as he led the way to the kitchen. He sat down in a seat, gesturing for everyone else to sit. Again, Emmet grabbed his desk chair and pulled it up beside Ingo at the table. Chandelure floated over his head, giving off a confused hum. Ingo patted the fire ghost, reassuring her. They all sat in silence for a moment.

“How did you get here?” Ingo asked, genuinely curious. “This is not exactly the easiest track to take.”

“I have Dialga, Palkia, and Arceus. When you disappeared, we all thought that something had happened to you while you were out and Sneasler was really upset…” Rei trailed off. “We got really worried, so we decided to look for you. Adaman wanted to tag along because, you know, time. And Irida for obvious reasons.” Both individuals nodded as their names were said.

“Who are you?” Emmet asked. Ingo noticed all three of the time travelers flicking their eyes back and forth between himself and Emmet. He’d forgotten how amusing it was.

“Oh, you’re right. I’m Rei, a fellow time traveler like Ingo who accidentally ended up in Hisui.”

“I am Irida, Leader of the Pearl Clan.”

“My name is Adaman, I lead the Diamond Clan.” Emmet nodded, satisfied. Chandelure had drifted down by Ingo’s head, on his right side. Ingo reached up and stroked her glass body.

“What happened? You disappeared so suddenly,” Rei asked.

“The morning of my surprise departure, Lady Sneasler awoke me early and led me out of her den and up into the Highlands. She seemed rather perturbed by something. We approached the Celestica Ruins, where something felt incredibly off, like being right under the space-time rift on Mount Coronet. When I approached, my Lady grabbed me as a rift opened and sucked me in, ripping her away from me and leaving her in Hisui. I came across Giratina, the Pokemon of the Distortion World, where I had found myself floating. It informed me that I was derailed to Hisui by accident during the rage that had been induced by Volo and it was sending me back to my own time and place. I landed here, in Nimbasa City, in our Battle Subway in the early hours of the morning. Emmet had just come in to begin opening the Subway for guests as I landed. He found me and I have been back home ever since.” Emmet took Ingo’s hand, giving it a squeeze. Ingo squeezed back.

“But… I have Giratina too? In a Pokeball?” Rei asked, confused.

“I do not know how the deities work, only that Giratina returned me to Emmet. I have been back here for about nine days now. As soon as my ribs are fully healed again from that battle with the Golem, I am cleared to work in the Subway again.”

“Then do you remember everything now?” Irida asked.

“Yes, as soon as I was exposed to previous platforms and destinations, my foggy memory cleared. I remember most of my childhood and my old life.” Emmet was grinning. “Family and friends have visited as well, aiding in my memory returning. I even remembered our birthday.” Ingo was particularly pleased with that one, as that question had needled him in Hisui.

“How old are you guys anyway? I always thought you were like fifty or something but Emmet now you look younger,” Rei asked, earning a disapproving look from Irida. Ingo chuckled.

Emmet replied, “We are twenty-nine years old. We will be thirty in June.” Rei’s eyes widened.

“No way! Then why is your hair gray?”

“It’s silver.”

“It’s natural,” they both spoke at the same time. They looked at each other, Emmet smirking. Ingo could feel his mouth quirking up a bit.

“I understand how you came to this time, but Nimbasa City is not small, nor is the rest of Unova. Did you just run through the street until you found me?” Ingo asked.

“Uh… yeah, that’s kinda what we did,” Rei admitted sheepishly. Ingo swiped a hand over his face. Fantastic, now half the city was going to be all over this story.

“Did you mention my name to anyone?”

“We asked a couple people if they’d seen you but they looked like they’d seen a ghost when they did. One guy said you were missing. For four years.” Ingo sighed. Looks like the news was getting out a bit early.

“Emmet, we should call Elesa. We may need her advice for the press now.” Emmet nodded solemnly, typing out a message on his Xtrans and sending it. He got a reply almost instantly. He paled. He showed the screen to Ingo, who had to steady it because his wrist was shaking. It was a headline reading “MYSTERIOUS FIGURES ON WILD POKEMON SEARCH FOR MISSING SUBWAY BOSS, HAS HE RETURNED?” There was a photo underneath of the trio riding the Wyrdeer, Rei’s face screwed up in concentration as he steered the giant beast through the streets of Nimbasa.

“She says she’s already on her way.” Ingo nodded, scratching his chin.

“Did we cause you trouble?” Irida asked, her eyes full of guilt.

“Things are a tad complicated, but I’m sure we can work out the kinks in the track. I was just mentioning to Emmet that I wish I could have said a proper goodbye.” Emmet nodded. Rei snapped his fingers suddenly as something popped into his head.

“Is Emmet the man who smiled and looked like you, Uncle Ingo? And wore all white?” Emmet choked again, Ingo patting him on the back.

“Yes, my twin brother. And up there is Chandelure, the dear partner I remembered that could wield flames.” She spun in a happy circle, chiming and swinging back and forth, as if caught in the wind. Ingo decided then to tease his brother. “It seems it slipped my mind to tell you that you have a nephew now,” he said seriously to Emmet. Emmet made eye contact with him, his eyebrows knitting and his eyes wider than a Patrat’s. He didn’t say anything as Ingo made eye contact with him.

“I see your brow twitching. You’re teasing me.”

“Well, I was not entirely teasing, as I do consider him something like a nephew, even if we are not related.” Emmet gave him the stink eye. Ingo snorted, removing his hand from Emmet’s as Emmet retracted it to fold his arms.

“Last time I did that to you about us no longer having your old blanket, you got upset with me.”

“That’s an important blanket!”

“And having a whole nephew isn’t?” They stared at each other for another moment before they both bursted out into laughter, unable to contain themselves. “You’re doing the laundry next time for that.”

“It was worth it to see your face!” Both of them laughed heartily at their own joke, winding down and taking deep breaths. “But I did technically take Rei under my wheels in Hisui so to speak. It’s up to him, really.”

“I’m fine with another uncle. Uncle Emmet.” Emmet’s breathing stopped for a minute as his face split open in a grin. His foot started to tap.

“Iris would love to meet him,” Emmet said. Ingo nodded.

“Unfortunately, we don’t have all the time in the world. How are you returning to Hisui? Do you have a reliable ride back?”

“I have Dialga right here, still,” Rei said, holding up a Pokeball. “So we kinda do have all the time in the world.” Ingo nodded. That was one thing taken care of. He opened his mouth to say something when there was rough pounding on the door. Emmet immediately hopped up to get it, leaving Ingo with everyone. Elesa stormed into the room, Emmet close behind her. She paused in the doorway, taking in the time travelers.

“We had one rule,” she sighed, exasperated. “And this time it wasn’t even you two that broke it.”

“We uphold the rules!” Emmet voiced indignantly.

“Says the guy who still likes to leave paper cartons everywhere when he’s done eating.”

“I am saving it for later!”

“With nothing in it?” They bickered good-naturedly as Elesa came to the table, Emmet sitting back down beside Ingo. She went and grabbed the extra desk chair from Ingo’s room and pulled up to the table, sighing. “Talk,” she demanded.

“These people are from Hisui, they came looking for me when I disappeared,” Ingo explained. Elesa crinkled her brow.

“Isn’t Hisui over two-hundred years in the past or whatever Drayden said?”

“We used Dialga to hop time, and Palkia to get to this city,” Rei said. Elesa blinked. Then she pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Seeing as how Ingo only got ferried home by the god of the Distortion World deciding to put him back, I shouldn’t be surprised anymore.” She pulled out her phone. “Well, the press knows you’re in Unova again. Or, at least, there are rumors. Did the appointment go well to get your new leg?” Ingo stood and showed her the new prosthetic. “How does it feel?”

“It is surprisingly comfortable and lightweight. I feel that after I grow more accustomed to it, people may not notice I am missing some parts in the first place.” Elesa nodded, excited now.

“That looks really good! Can the foot move?”

“Yes! It behaves like a living ankle.” He bent his knee and moved the foot in the socket to show Elesa.

“Maybe I should get into the prosthetic business to design fun patterns for them!” Ingo blinked at her.

“Let us stay on the topic at hand, for now. I have my leg, yes, and I was planning on perhaps visiting Gear Station soon, anyway, in order to have people see me without too much pressure yet. I… am unclear as to what kind of a story to tell. Giratina and time travel seems a little far-fetch’d.”

“Actually, I was thinking about this. Have you two heard of the Ultra Wormholes in Alola?” Emmet and Ingo both shook their heads. “Well, its basically just something that can appear out of nowhere and suck people into some random place in space-time, scrambling their memories while they’re at it. There’s a professor in Alola that is studying them and trying to figure out how they work and what triggers them. I read over some papers and I think you could use that as the story. A weird hole sucked you in and you landed in ancient Sinnoh until you were taken back. Make up some story about how heroic you are, if you want, fight a god, who cares, maybe that’s how you got the scars. The professor is trying to get people to know more about these wormholes anyway, so this might actually help. Apparently they’ve been cropping up in other places and the people’s families never know what happened to them.” She looked Emmet in the eyes a little too long at that point.

“That seems awfully convenient,” Ingo atoned.

“Yeah, that’s what I said, too, but hey, its more believable than Giratina itself chucking you through time and space and the Distortion World, right?” She raised her eyebrows at him, clearly asking for any better ideas.

“I suppose you are correct. How do you suggest we go about this, then? Without getting trampled, if possible,” Ingo added.

Elesa tapped her chin. “Go to Gear Station tomorrow. Just hang out for a bit, say hello to the staff, maybe ride the train somewhere again. I know you want to,” she wiggled her eyebrows at him, “and then go home. I can join with an electric type on me if you’d like to scare them away if they get to be too much, if you want. It’s a Sunday anyway. I don’t have to run the Gym. Heck, I’ll take you guys out to lunch after, if you’d like,” she added, clearly trying to sweeten the pot. Ingo sighed, Emmet along with him.

“Alright, that seems like a decent schedule to keep. Did you have plans for the day before this started?” Ingo asked her.

“Not really, I was just going to take Emolga out to the park to glide. Judging by the shirt you’re wearing, you guys didn’t have plans either,” she joked, pointing at Emmet’s shirt. Emmet looked down.

“It’s the shirt we got from the Subway Convention six years ago.”

“You guys never wear normal clothes out, its always your uniform, or at least some nicer dress clothes.” Emmet rolled his eyes. “So the fact that you are wearing comfy clothes means you were not planning on leaving your apartment today.”

“You always wear nicer things out, too,” Emmet grumbled.

“I’m a freaking model. Yeah, I always wear nice stuff out!”

“So did you want to stay over,” Ingo cut in, trying not to laugh at their banter. His eye must have given him away, though, as Emmet huffed.

“You’re laughing!”

“Not yet!” Ingo quipped.

“Yeah, I can stay over and say hi. I did promise Emolga it could stretch, though, is it okay if I let him?” The twins nodded, causing Elesa to release her partner. It soared up, chittering confusedly. “Sorry, buddy, something came up. You remember Ingo, right?” She gestured to Ingo. The Pokemon chittered excitedly, landing on his head and nuzzling into his hair. Ingo chuckled, reaching up and petting the electric Pokemon.

“Now my hair is going to look even worse,” he mused. He could already feel it sticking up.

“You and Mr. Bedhead over here can match,” Elesa smirked, gesturing to Emmet. Emmet sulked, causing Ingo to pat his hand.

“As close as we can to matching, nowadays. It’s hard to match again with my eye.” His tone sombered. Emolga glided upwards and struck up a conversation with Chandelure. Emmet squeezed his hand in response.

“Does it bother you?” Emmet asked, looking at his blind eye. Ingo shook his head.

“It’s not painful. It is odd when someone approaches me from the left, and I do regret no longer matching perfectly anymore. I know you enjoyed that. But I do not notice it much of the time, no.” Elesa’s head shot up.

“Ingo, how do you feel about makeup?”

[Part 1] - [Part 2] - [Part 3] - [Part 4] - [Part 5] - [Part 6] - [Part 7] - [Part 8] - [Part 9]

#pokemon legends arceus #submas #subway boss ingo #subway bosses #subway boss emmet #warden ingo #pokemon arceus #legends arceus ingo #pokemon ingo #my writing

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biggest-stupidhead · 3 years

Text

AN: Here’s part 2 of my nurse reader and Levi request! It recently came to my attention that I was lowkey confused, I realize that you guys were asking for part 2 to my solider Levi and princess reader but I’ve been working on this one instead😂😂 So I’ll try and get to that other one soon.

ALSO 139 SPOILERS

Part 1

Summary: Levi’s dreams are coming true

Word Count: 4.6K

Warnings: mentions of scarring, blood, struggling to walk, kissing, angst

_______

The first few weeks were rough, he struggled to do the most mundane tasks, his fingers shook as he gripped a pen, his breathing was labored when he climbed stairs. He hated every second of it, he knew that this was part of being injured and recovering, but still, he felt weak and exposed. He also knew that it was unlikely that he would ever be the same as he was before his accident, this didn’t bother him too much. However, the thought of you only knew him as a frail wounded soldier rubbed him the wrong way.

He used this as motivation to better his condition, with the knowledge that he would not function the same as before. He quickly found out that holding a pen in his right hand was now much too difficult, so he began practicing with his left instead. He also realized that being in a wheelchair was not for him. He hated being pushed by anyone, mainly because Gabi once lost control and sent him rolling down a busy street. So he began to use a cane or crutch, he also found out that he tired much faster using this method. But he much preferred it to the chair.

After only three months of being discharged, Onyankopon had sniffed out an affordable space to open a modest cafe. The space also had a short set of stairs that led to a one-bedroom apartment above, which originally deterred Onyankopon from investing due to Levi’s state. But Levi had insisted that he would manage, so on a gloomy Thursday afternoon, they signed the papers and bought the place. Gabi and Flaco had been ecstatic to help decorate the space, scouring antique shops and pawn shops for the best (and cheapest) pieces of furniture.

Levi had watched the pair carry in the first table, a round wooden piece fit for two along with mismatched chairs to go along with it. At first, Levi disliked the way the furniture clashed, but he soon grew to like it. As the kids slowly carried in more each week the space began to feel homier. The kitchen in the back was teeming with tins of tea, recipes that Onyankopon swore by were tacked up on bulletin boards. Each weekend Onyankopon would bring the kids back with armloads of ingredients to test out the recipes he had been gathering while Levi had been in the hospital.

Soon they had perfected a menu, with croissants that were crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside, sticky-sweet cinnamon rolls, and lemon tarts. Levi had never been a fan of sweets, but he knew that most people were, so each weekend they slaved over the stoves and made huge messes of flour and sugar. After two months the cafe was rather put together, tables and chairs of all sorts spread about the room in an inviting pattern. A chalkboard menu that was slowly expanding was sprawled out over the main counter, which was being stocked with pastries.

Onyankopon had brought in a box full of glassware that he had found on the side of the street, Levi had sneered at him as he watched him carefully wash them.

“What are you planning to do with those?” Levi asked as Onyankopon scrubbed the dust off of the glass.

“We can use them as centerpieces. Maybe we could cut some flowers from that field?” He said as he placed the glass vases and cups on the drying rack.

“I suppose,” Levi grumbled, happy that he hadn’t planned on using them as cups.

Finally, the day came when the menu was rounded enough and the furniture polished to open the shop. Levi hated to admit his nerves, but the truth was that his stomach was in knots and his heart was hammering out of his chest as he flipped the wooden sign on the door from closed to open.

Gabi had whooped and hollered, Falco had clapped ecstatically and Onyankopon popped open a bottle of champagne. Levi had given them the slightest of smiles as the group retreated behind the counter to wait for someone to wander in. Levi sat back on a stool that Falco had thrifted for behind the counter, his cane resting against his knee as he watched the door with a steady gaze.

“Can I be in charge of the pastries?” Gabi pleaded, big brown eyes wide as she clasped her hands together. Onyankopon shot a sideways look to Levi who inhaled sharply.

“As long as you don’t spit in the food.” Levi relented and Gabi leaped into the air in her excitement before jogging back into the kitchen to take stock.

“Falco you can carry food out.” Onyankopon offered and Falco nodded a gleam of determination in his golden eyes.

“I’ll run the register and Levi you can brew the tea.” Onyankopon looked pleased with himself after assigning the roles and Levi shrugged in indifference. The minutes ticked by and the door remained shut, the wide windows let the warm morning sun seep into the room, yet it carried no joy. Or at least it didn’t summon any deep feelings from within Levi. Just when Levi was about to give up and go brew himself his own tea before calling it a day, the door opened, the bell tinkling softly.

His mouth fell open when he saw you, in your plain clothes, a pair of dark dress pants and a silk dress shirt. Your purse was slung over your shoulder and in your hands was a bright bouquet of flowers. You pushed some stray strands of hair off of your face as you stepped into the cafe.

“(Y/n)! You made it!” Falco rushed around the counter and took your hand in his to lead you to the counter. You laughed warmly and allowed the young boy to drag you across the room.

“You’re the first person to come in.” Onyankopon mused softly as he stood behind the register, hands placed firmly on the counter. Your eyes widened in surprise before another warm grin passes placidly across your features.

“I am?” You asked, leaning on the counter and throwing a playful glance at Levi who was half hiding behind Onyankopon.

“It’s true.” Gabi groaned dramatically fanning her face, she had been fidgeting anxiously in the back for the past hour eager to serve guests.

“What can I get the good nurse?” Onyankopon steered the conversation back to business as usual.

“Ah, I’d love a cup of camomile and hmm maybe one of those lemon tarts.” You hummed, leaning over to examine the pastries that had been set on display in the glass containers.

“Excellent choice, that’ll be seven pounds.” Onyankopon slid the key into the keyhole in the register and the old thing sprang open, spilling some change. He chuckled as he awkwardly collected the spare change.

“Takes a gentle hand.” He explained as you smiled at him with the money in hand. Levi sighed and reached around Onyankopon to take the money as the larger man squatted down to retrieve the stubborn coins.

“Congratulations Captain, you’ve made this place your own.” You said, slipping the money into his hands, the pads of your fingertips brushing his calloused palm.

“Thank you, nurse (L/n).” He mumbled, trying in vain to fight off the butterflies swarming in his stomach.

“You’re so very welcome.” You watched as the rag-tag bunch began to hustle around the kitchen, Levi limped to the stove and began to boil the water in the kettle, Gabi was pulling on a pair of gloves before she began to inspect the pastries, looking for the best one. Falco gestured for you to follow him to that round table at the front of the store, right by the large window. You covered your mouth to hide an affectionate grin as he pulled the chair out for you. You sat and thanked him as you made yourself comfortable.

“I’ll bring your food to you miss.” He even did a bow which was when you could no longer hide your amusement.

“Falco, too much.” Onyankopon was also laughing behind the counter as the young boy scurried back to grab your pastry, which Gabi had carefully chosen just for you. Levi was now steeping the leaves in one of the mismatched sets of china that they had collected. Once the tea was steeped to perfection he set it on the tray with the pastry and Falco carefully picked it up, using both hands.

He set the steaming plates in front of you and you thanked him once more. You felt a bit awkward as the group watched with expectant eyes as you took the first bite. Your eyes lit up, it was just the perfect mixture of sweet and sour, the breading crumbling on your tongue.

You nodded and held a thumbs up which made Gabi clap her hands and squeal. Falco laughed and shook her shoulder, a giddy gleam in his eyes. Levi bit back another smile, not eager to let you pull them from his lips so easily. A few moments after you had begun to eat, the door tinkled open again, this time it was an older couple. They ordered and sat down near you, murmuring about the decor and such. As the morning wore on, more people began to wander into the shop, families and starry-eyed couples alike. You sat at your table, a small amount of paperwork from the hospital spread across the tabletop. You worked well into the afternoon, not necessarily because you needed to but because you wanted to catch Levi and check in on him.

You got your chance when the crowd ebbed and the orders slowed. The shop was once more empty and you could see the way that Levi limped between the sink and the stove. You gathered your courage and stood from your spot, leaving your purse and papers behind. Onyankopon was helping the kids in the back as they prepped for the pastries for tomorrow.

“I’ll dry if you wash.” You offered and Levi shot you a look over his shoulder.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I’ve been taking up that table all day, let me earn my keep.” You teased, carefully stepping behind the counter and into the kitchen. He did not oppose as you sidled up beside him and began to towel dry the dishes he had already scrubbed clean. You worked like this for a few minutes in silence, the sound of dishes and sloshing of water filling the air between you.

“You seem to have healed well.” You commented as you accepted another clean plate.

“Hm.” He hummed, eyes trained on his task. You noted that he no longer wore bandages on his hand where his fingers had once been.

“How’s your knee?” You asked and he bristled a bit.

“....it’s fine.” He said after a slight pause.

“I can look at it if you’d like.” You offered and he inhaled slowly before releasing his breath in one long exhale.

“I’m fine.”

“Then let me look at your fingers, if you are doing dishes it’s likely to get infected.” You were a tad embarrassed to admit that you simply wanted to feel his skin against yours once more. But luckily Levi felt the same. He paused his work and grabbed a towel to dry his hands off before slowly extending them to you. You accepted them and ran your fingers over the callouses that decorated his palms before pulling his hand closer to your face to get a good look at the nubs where his fingers once were.

Just as you had thought, they were fully healed with puckering pink flesh from where stitches had once been.

“They look well, you should be fine, just...be mindful of how much time you spend washing the dishes.” You hummed, turning his hand over in yours to examine the back of it, old and new scars littered the expanse of his hands and up to his forearm.

“Okay.” His words were breathy and a bit choked. You snuck a glance up at his face and smiled sheepishly at him as you released his hand, which fell slowly back to his side. His cheeks were a soft pink, hints of a blush from the heat of your touch alone.

“I would suggest looking into some gloves.” You advised and he rolled his eyes.

“How am I supposed to wear gloves without my fingers?” He asked, holding his hand up as if to emphasize the loss.

“You seem to have adapted well, I’m sure you can figure something out.” You assured him with a nudge to his side before you fell back into the easy rhythm of drying the dishes.

____

You fell into a routine, stopping by when the cafe first opened to grab a cup of tea before your shift. Then you would go off to work and return later that afternoon to help Levi clean up. One rainy day you came in an hour later than usual, your scrubs soaked as you had forgotten an umbrella. Onyankopon and the kids had left earlier that week to go get the other cadets from Paradis, leaving Levi to tend to the shop alone.

As you entered you flipped the sign to closed and then wrung your sopping wet hair. Levi stood behind the counter, watching you with his one steel eye.

“What took you so long?” He asked before turning to do the dishes. You scoffed and looked back out at the window, the rain was pelting down mercilessly against the glass. But you said nothing, having learned long ago that arguing with him was pointless.

“What have you got for me?” You asked instead wanting to throw yourself into the work he had for you. He put you to work in the kitchen, taking stock and sweeping the floors until you thought that you would collapse. It wasn’t that the work that was taxing, but the work on top of the hours you had already clocked in on your feet at the hospital.

When he was pleased with your cleaning he waved you off with a dismissive flick of his wrist. Your clothes were still wet, as you watched him thumb through his earnings of the day in the register. You now knew a fraction of what he had put those cadets through all those years ago.

“Levi?” You tested, his name falling sweetly from your lips. He turned slowly, pausing his counting to give you his full attention.

“What is it?” He asked, placing the change back into the register.

“How would you like to get some dinner?” You offered with a shy smile. His eyes widened and he whipped around to shut the register.

“Only if you’re buying.”

____

So now you sat across the table from him, your leg bouncing anxiously under the table inside the warm tavern. He seemed much less anxious, hands folded in front of him and his gaze void of any particular emotion.

“So...you come here often?” You tried to start the conversation, for the first time finding it difficult.

“No actually, I despise these places.” He answered literally and you nearly blanched, worried that you may have upset him or offended him in some way by bringing him here.

“What? We don’t have to stay then we can-” You were reaching for your purse but he held up a hand to stop you.

“It’s fine.” He assured you and you relaxed back into your seat.

“Why do you hate these places?” You asked out of curiosity.

“Not a fan of drunk men and shitty tavern food.” He shrugged indifferently. If he had been feeling braver he would have told you that it reminded him of his childhood and his mean drunk uncle.

“Ah, I see.” Your shoulders slumped and you cleared your throat to fill the silence.

“I don’t usually come to bars often either. Can’t trust me around beer.” You joked but Levi arched a thin brow.

“Why’s that?”

“Oh, my dad was a drunk and they say that it runs in the family. So I’ll never touch the stuff.” You shrugged and Levi was caught off guard with your honesty. He only hummed in response. Not long after that, the food arrived and the two of you ate in near silence, the sounds of forks scraping plates and wine sloshing in glasses. You paid for dinner and the two of you slowly made your way back down the street, which was slick with rainwater. You eyed Levi’s arm a bit longingly, wanting to feel his warmth pressed against you. You rubbed your biceps in an attempt to get the message across but he seemed clueless still. So you sighed and decided to take yet another risk, in one swift motion you slid your arm through his and he went rigid. His steps faltered and you looked over at him with a smirk curling at the corner of your lips.

“Is...this alright?” you asked and he nodded tensely before resuming his pace. You were grateful that his apartment was so close to the tavern, as it began to pour once more. But of course, you could not run because you feared that he would injure himself, so the two of you simply picked up your pace. Levi held the door for you and the two of you stumbled into the dark cafe, the tables and chairs looked almost like skeletons as you weaved your way through them to the back set of stairs.

“You can stay if you’d like.” he offered, a glimmer of uncertainty flashing over his features, clearly he was treading just as lightly as you were.

“I’d like that very much.” You grinned and the two of you climbed the stairs to his small apartment. The floorplan was open, the kitchen and living room were all in one space. The furniture was also mismatched here, he set about lighting candles even though you knew that the building had electricity. You wondered if it was a force of habit, all of his years on that island with no electricity, or if it was an attempt to set the mood. You said nothing all the same as the candles set the room aglow in warm light.

“It’s nice,” you commented and Levi hummed in agreement.

“It’s no barracks.” He said as he shook the match, a small trail of smoke curling up from his fingertips.

“Do you miss the military?” You asked as you slipped out of your shoes. He paused, a thoughtful look passing over his face as he pondered your question.

“At times, there are things that I miss. But no, I wouldn’t go back.” he shook his head, damp locks of raven hair falling in curtains over his brow.

“I can imagine.” You agreed as he slipped out of his coat and hung it on the coat rack, you did the same and he gestured for you to follow him to his room.

“I have some dry clothes you can borrow.” He said as he sifted through his drawers, pulling out a simple cotton shirt and a pair of loose-fitting pants. He held them out to you and you accepted them with a smile. You noted that the clothes were larger than the ones that he pulled out and you wondered who they belonged to.

“Whose clothes are these?” you asked out of curiosity and a pained look crossed his face. But you wondered if you had imagined it because of how quickly his features reset into his stoic mien.

“An old friend.” That was all he said before leaving you to change. You pulled the clothes on slowly and carefully knowing that these are likely one of the last things he had that belonged to his friend. Once you were done you stepped out of the room to find Levi already changed and boiling a kettle over his small stove. The shirt hung loosely off of your frame and you pulled the collar up gently as you crossed the room to stand by his side.

“Whatcha making?” You asked softly as he shot you a brief glance over his shoulder.

“Tea.” He said bluntly as he reached up into the cabinets and pulled out two mugs. You hummed and moved to take a seat at the modest table that was pressed against the back of his couch.

“Sounds good.” You said as you slipped into the seat, watching as he moved around his space. You noted the way his cane carried the majority of his weight, the way his fingers trembled as he poured the water to steep the tea leaves. You moved to get up and help him, but decided against it, reminding yourself that he was independent and could do these tasks on his own. Sure enough Levi finished the tea and carried the two cups over to you and placed them gently down on the table.

You thanked him quietly and blew a puff of air over the surface of the green tea, sending ripples through the liquid. He watched you with unreadable features, hands crossed on the table and his cane resting against his thigh.

“Tell me of your home.” You asked, daring a look over the rim of your cup. He inhaled and a far away look crossed his face as he thought of an appropriate response.

“As I knew it or as it is now?” He mumbled as he brought his own cup to his lips.

“Whichever you prefer.”

“Hm.” He hummed as he let the hot liquid sit in his mouth hoping to buy himself more time.

“Either way it was shitty.” He said after a few moments of silence. You set your cup down and gave him your full attention.

“We never had much, and I can’t say that it was a happy life.” He said, sneaking a glance at you to guage your reaction.

“I figured as much.” You commented and he shrugged.

“There isn’t much left of the landscape after the rumbling, but that’s everywhere now.” He grumbled, beginning to lose himself in his own memories.

“There used to be open fields and massive trees inside of the walls but…” He winced, flashes of blood and gnashing titan teeth, campfires, the heavy breathing of horses, explosions of thunder spears followed by the tangy metallic scent of blood.

“Levi?” Your voice was soft and filled with concern, he snapped out of his reverie, his fists clenched around his cup.

“Sorry.” He choked out, his tongue feeling fat and his mouth dry.

“It’s alright, I shouldn’t have asked.” You waved your hands and quickly took a sip of your tea.

“No, it’s not your fault.” He dismissed you, trying to calm the racing of his heart.

“I’m sure that you’re tired, I’ll see myself out.” You began to scramble, reaching for your things and pushing a stray strand of hair from your face. Levi wasn’t sure why, but he felt an urgent need to reach out and grab you. Before he could dismiss the sense, his hand had already shot out and caught your wrist.

You looked back at him with wide eyes, not moving a muscle. He stayed still as well, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of your arm. If he was hurting you, you showed no sign.

“Don’t….it’s storming.” He said stupidly, as he stood keeping a hold on your wrist. Once he was on his feet he took a step towards you and his hand slipped down to intertwine his fingers with your own.

“O-Okay.” You squeezed his fingers and he returned the gesture, eyes blank although they darted between your eyes and lips every few seconds. You took a step closer so that the tips of your feet touched his, your breaths mingling together. Finally his eyes settled on your lips and you unconsciously licked them as you wondered what he would taste like. Green tea no doubt, just as bitter and tangy as his personality seemed to be.

You let out a shaky breath as he reached out, the back of his hand brushing that pesky piece of hair off of your cheek. He hesitated but gently grasped your face in his calloused palm, his thumb stroking over your cheekbone. You carefully broke free of his grasp on your hand so you could smooth down the fabric of his shirt above his heart.

He swallowed thickly before lifting his chin, eyes trained on your lips. You tilted your head and met him the rest of the way, your lips slotting together perfectly. His other hand came to rest on the other side of your face, and you whimpered. You opened your mouth wider, your tongue slipping past his lips to taste him. He did taste like green tea after all, bitter and overwhelming. You couldn’t get enough, your hands slipping up the column of his throat to find the shaven underside of his hair.

To your surprise he pulled away with a grunt, grey eyes wide and surprised. You looked back just as shocked but then you smiled. He blinked at you for a moment before pulling away completely and turning his back to you and running a hand through his locks.

“I’m sorry, that was inappropriate of me.” He apologized and you shook your head.

“I actually quite liked it. You aren’t my patient anymore Levi.” He remained silent, his back turned to you in shame.

“You’re not even a Captian anymore, you’re just a man.” You assured him and he turned to look at you now, eyes filled with a certain grief you couldn’t quite place.

“Is that how you see me then?” His voice was flat and you couldn’t tell if he was offended or pleased with the response.

“No, I see you as a good man, who has been hurt one too many times. Someone who needs a….companion.” You settled and he finally faced you once more.

“I shouldn’t have done that to you.” He grunted, steadying himself on the table.

“It’s okay Levi, I-I like you.” You felt like you were tripping over yourself to assure him that he was not crossing any lines.

“....” He remained silent, those sad grey eyes trained on your face as your chest heaved, panic quickly raising.

“I promise you I’m fine. I’ve actually been wanting to kiss you for some time now.” You sheepishly admitted, rubbing the side of your arm.

“I know.” He groaned his hands coming to hide his eyes and you felt even more distressed, you should’ve known better.

“Look, Levi I want to be with you, and if you want the same then we can be. You don’t have to-”

“Damn it (Y/n) I want to, but I don’t” He let out another frustrated grunt before his fist came down hard on the table, the cups rattling loudly at the disturbance.

“I don’t want you to be chained to someone like me.” He admitted, eyes averted.

“You don’t have to feel that way, I’m choosing you.”

“Promise?” His eyes finally met yours and you nodded curtly, a look of determination and confidence plastered to your face.

“Promise.” You assured him, sitting back down at the table to show that you weren’t going anywhere.

“And if you bother me too much then I’ll leave.” You teased, but he seemed to take it literally, sinking back into his own seat and nodding in understanding.

“That’s good.” He sighed, shoulders sagging in relief.

“I really should go home, think about this and we’ll talk tomorrow.” You stood, leaning over the table to peck a kiss to his lips. He nodded and watched with tired eyes as you left his apartment.

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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

Text

Burnout (Bucky x reader)

“Burnout”

Bucky x reader

Warnings: burnout, overworked, mental breakdown/panic attack

Word count: 3377

A/N: Take care of yourself, burnout is real and you CAN get sick. Trust me. I’m always here if you wanna talk to someone about anything or want another friend. Stay strong <3

Includes: Lyrics from the song “Weight of the World” by Citizen Soldier

Tags: @buckys2thicc @thatfangirl42 @thundering-barnes @abitgryffindorky @ladyfallonavenger

---------

These nights were becoming more common. And that wasn’t a good thing.

You sat at your desk surrounded by papers, empty cans of energy drinks, and a bright laptop screen. You held your head in your hands and you tried to keep your eyes awake, turning the screen brightness higher.

1:46 AM

You sighed and rubbed your eyes, trying to rub the sleep out of them. You took your hands away and looked back at the screen briefly before covering your face again.

You lived with the Avengers and were a huge asset to the team. Not only were you enhanced with powers, but you were incredibly intelligent. That being the case, you worked with Tony and Bruce in the lab either developing new ideas or fixing suits after missions. As well as being on the mission yourself. Therefore you trained early every morning with Steve and Bucky. You also did most of the mission reports, switching off with Steve once and a while.

Most nights you could be found either working through paperwork, down in the lab working into the morning with Tony, or researching for new projects in said lab. You never meant to stay up as late as you did, but no matter how hard you worked, more work kept appearing. Every 10 PM soon turned into 2 AM, and you could never quite catch a break. You had turned to caffeine not long ago, quickly using it as a crutch to supplement sleep.

You had just gotten back from a long mission with the team, and were incredibly sore. Steve hadn’t gone on this mission, leaving you to finish the report. Add to that, Tony wanted to make a better suit for Peter, and Sam’s wings were busted. Tony was working on Peter’s suit, wanting to make it perfect, leaving you with fixing the wings for Sam.

You decided to work on Sam’s Falcon suit first, seeing that you lived on Planet Earth and he could be scheduled for another mission at any time. What seemed to be superficial damage turned out to be extensive, and required much more repairing that you had anticipated. What you had planned to be a 2 hour process had turned into just over a day of work in the lab.

Not wanting to lose your place and needing a distraction from the soreness, you had worked for hours straight, only breaking to relieve yourself every so often. You were exhausted and ready to fall asleep when you laid back in your bed. Only to check your notifications and see an email from Fury requesting the mission report immediately.

Sent hours ago.

Which led you to where you were now. You hadn’t slept in almost 48 hours, sore from the mission, with a tedious mission report to fill out. Taking a deep breath, you removed your hands from your face.

2:07 AM.

You groaned, but brought your hands back to the keyboard and began typing. The words were blurring together and you shook your head a few times trying to stay awake. Somehow, you finished the report and sent it off and looked at the time again.

3:13 AM

You rubbed your temples before climbing back into your bed, sighing out as your eyes filled with tears. It wasn’t uncommon for you to go to bed this late/early. Lately Tony had been coming up with more ideas and would ask you to help. Since Tony works through most of the night, you had learned to do the same. You don’t remember the last time you had more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep.

You were off the hook for training for a few days, due to having just gotten back from a mission. And while you had been hesitant at first, you were grateful now that you had a bit more time to sleep. Despite the caffeine you had consumed to stay awake, you were absolutely exhausted. Tears threatened to fall from your eyes but you tried to breathe through it. You just wanted a break but couldn’t seem to catch one.

You curled into yourself as your stomach began to growl. ‘When was the last time I ate?’ you thought. Not that it mattered, there was nothing that could bring you out of your bed at that moment. You drifted off to sleep.

-----

You woke up to your phone chiming and groaned, picking it up to see what was so important. Your eyes find the top message, informing you that the mission report you had submitted was incomplete. You jolted out of bed and over to your desk to begin working on the report again, biting back tears of embarrassment at such a ridiculous error on your part. How could you have been so tired that you missed an entire section of a report?

You cracked open another energy drink that you kept in your room and began guzzling it. You were still in the same clothes as the day before and you hadn’t taken your hair down from it’s bun in days. Your stomach grumbled but you answered it with more of the energy drink. You would deal with hunger later. This was much more important.

Your head was pounding and you could barely sit up straight. You had barely gotten a few hours of sleep and somehow felt more tired than you had before it. Your sight became more blurry as it became harder to suppress the tears. You were angry at yourself, why couldn’t you just get this one fucking thing done?

You worked through the section quickly, or at least, you tried to. You kept having to reread sections, not comprehending what the words were saying anymore. You rubbed your eyes aggressively and shook your head, trying to concentrate. You reached to grab the energy drink again, but instead accidentally spilled it all over yourself. Letting out a “Fuck!” as you stood up, something inside you snapped.

You threw the can across the room, not caring how much was left inside of it. You flipped your chair and crumbled the miscellaneous papers on your desk. You let out a scream of frustration, and threw a picture frame across the room. After which, you bent over and placed your hands on your knees, small sobs beginning to wrack your body. You were just so tired, you had work to do, but you couldn’t do it no matter how simple it was.

You walked around the mess and into your bathroom, closing the door. You turned on the shower and got in, not even bothering to take off your clothes or wait for it to warm up. You didn’t care. You couldn’t. You sank to the floor, tears streaming down your face as the shower began to warm. You couldn’t bring yourself together, every time you tried to calm down a new wave of frustration and exhaustion would hit you and you would start crying all over again. You held your hand to your chest, trying to catch your breath a little, not having much success. You were gasping for air, it felt like you were breathing fire. Unable to fight it anymore, you started choking out lyrics to one of your go-to sad songs.

Feel the weight of the world over me tonight.

If I break, if I break down this time

You took a shaky breath and choked out the next line

Hope you know I tried…

Meanwhile, Bucky had been thinking about you. The two of you were very close, you had been ever since Steve had introduced you to him. He was in awe of how you could both rival Tony in the lab and himself in the training room. That and how much you did for others. You had helped him a lot when Bucky had first come to the compound. And he was very grateful.

He knew you had gotten back from a mission a few days ago, and were probably exhausted. From what he had heard it had been a brutal mission. However, in the past, you had usually gotten back into the routine of daily life pretty quickly. He hasn’t so much as seen you since you got back.

He couldn’t help but worry.

He decided to go to your room to check on you, seeing as it was later in the morning and you had had a chance to sleep. Little did he know, you hadn’t. When he got to your door he knocked and waited for a response. He was met with nothing. However, with his enhanced hearing, he heard muffled singing from inside. He couldn’t hear the words, but you sounded in pain.

My mind’s such a mess, I can’t handle it, I’m at the end of my rope.

Worried, he let himself in and took in the state of the room. It was completely trashed, shattered glass, overturned furniture, crumbled papers. He heard the shower running and could hear your cries through the lyrics

My neck is breaking body shaking

Sometimes it’s so hard to breathe

But no one sees it follows me i always end up underneath

The weight of the world…

You began coughing, still gasping for air and holding your chest. Bucky came over to the bathroom door and opened it, concerned you were in pain. You were sitting on the floor, drenched and shaking. Steam filled the room, fogging up the mirrors. He came over to you, trying to get your attention but you couldn’t hear him. Worried, he stepped into the shower as well, swearing as it burned his skin. He crouched down in front of you and took your face in his hands, trying to guide your face to his.

“Y/n, y/n can you hear me? Can you look at me?” he said.

Coming back to your senses slightly, you tried to figure out who was in front of you. You grabbed one of his forearms and focused your eyes, still struggling to breathe. You found Bucky’s blue eyes looking back at you.

Bucky, knowing you were now aware of his presence, reached to turn off the water while still maintaining eye contact. You were coughing, choking on each breath, still shaking and crying. Bucky had never seen you like this. You tried looking around again, forgetting briefly where you were and what had happened, breath picking up again in confusion. “Hey, hey, y/n? I need you to keep your eyes on me okay?”

“It...hurts..” you gasped out, feeling like fire filled your lungs. Your arms had gone numb and in the absence of the warm water your wet body was now shivering from both the cold and anxiety.

Bucky quickly looked you up and down. “What hurts, y/n?” he said calmly but firmly even though he was freaking out internally.

Fresh tears spilled out of your eyes. You tried to talk but couldn’t speak through your panic. You rubbed your chest, willing your heart to slow down but it wouldn’t.

Bucky, still keeping his eyes locked on yours, said “Listen, y/n, I need you to try and breathe with me slowly, okay? Like this,” he breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. You tried to copy him and after a few breaths lost your pace. You shook your head. “I can’t…. I...I…”

. “It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re safe y/n. Try again, I’m right here okay? Look at me.” he said, still breathing deeply. Eventually, you were able to find a rhythm and catch your breath, becoming aware of the situation and everything that had happened. Now able to breathe, you felt new tears of shame rush to your eyes. There were a few moments of silence

“What happened?” Bucky asked, concern etched on his face.

You let out a small sob and covered your face, and Bucky’s heart shattered. He had never seen anyone this upset, nevermind you. You had always been so strong, energetic, joyful. And here you were, soaking wet and shaking on the shower floor. What the hell had happened to you?

He stood up and got out of the shower, also soaked, but he didn’t care about that right now. He leaned down and put one arm behind your back and the other looped under your knees and he picked you up. He placed you down on the vanity and stood in front of you. He carefully took your wrists and pulled them away from your face, you looking at him through bloodshot eyes.

“You - you’re soaked,” you said, both out of shock and in an attempt to deflect the attention from you.

“Wh- I mean, yeah, so are you,” Bucky said. “Y/n, can you tell me what happened?”

You looked down at your hands and swallowed thickly, embarrassed. “I, uh…” you cleared your throat. What had happened? You closed your eyes and rubbed your head.

The shower

The song

Your room

The report

The energy drink

Oh fuck

You sighed out “Shit, I just…” again, shame began to overtake you. “It’s stupid, forget about it,” you said, trying to stand up.

Bucky stopped you, confused. “Y/n, whatever just happened, that… That’s not caused by something stupid. I’ve never seen you so upset before. Hell I’ve never seen anyone so upset before. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“Really, Buck, I’m fine,” you said.

“Then why are you trying not to cry?”

You sighed. There was no other way out of this. You looked at him and said, “I was just done.” You looked back down at your hands, and continued trying to keep the waiver out of your voice. “I just, um...After the mission I had to fix Sam’s wings, and it took me longer than I expected. And then I still had the mission report which took me all of last night and then I found out that I had missed an entire section. And I got mad that I couldn’t focus or stay awake and I just kind of...broke.”

As you looked back at him, face not as red, he could see how tired you seemed. “Are you sleeping?”

“I mean, a little bit it’s not like I’ve been awake this whole time but -”

“Y/n.”

You looked at him. “A couple of hours a night at most,” you said quietly.

Bucky nodded sadly. “Anything else?”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times. “I mean it’s not a big deal -”

“What I just saw was a big deal,” Bucky said gently.

“I haven’t really made time to eat either,” you tried to laugh it off a little. “Just kind of chugged energy drinks. But then I spilled it all over myself, so...bad idea I guess.”

Bucky wasn’t laughing. But he wasn’t angry either. He was, but not at you, never at you.

“I’m sorry,” you said.

“Why didn’t you say anything? The days off after missions are there for rest.”

You shrugged. “I had important shit to do.”

“Well you’re pretty important shit too,” he said a little more firmly, but still not angrily. He sighed. “But really, if you’re not okay then nothing gets done. You’re going to get sick if you keep doing this to yourself. When was the last time you had more than a few hours of sleep?”

“I don’t know,” you answered honestly.

He sighed once again. “I’m sorry,” you said, fearful that he was angry with you.

“No, it’s not your fault I just…” he looked away for a second before looking back at you. “I don’t like seeing you like this. I don’t want you pushing yourself so hard and getting hurt.”

You sighed sadly and rubbed your eyes. “Every day I tell myself it’s the last day I’ll stay up so late. I always tell myself I’ll eat after my project is done. But no matter how hard I work there’s just more and more work that needs to get done. And I can’t keep up. I feel like I’m drowning. But no matter how much I hate it I...I always come last,” you said.

“You shouldn’t have to,” Bucky said.

After a few moments of silence, Bucky pulled you in for a hug, you still sitting on the counter. You closed your eyes against his chest and sighed out, feeling good finally getting all of that off of your chest.

“You’re taking the next few days off.” he said.

You pulled back and looked at him. “But the report -”

“Is mostly done and Steve can get the rest of the information from Sam.” Bucky finished for you.

“But -”

“Nope. There is not a single thing you could say right now that is going to prevent me from making sure you take care of yourself for a few days.” he said, and you knew he was right. Nodding, he pulled you back in for a hug.

“We should get out of these clothes.” you said softly, shivering a little.

Bucky laughed a little. “Yeah, we really should.”

You moved to stand up from the counter, still a little weak as you leaned on Bucky a little. You walked slowly out to your room and were met with the mess you created earlier. “Shit,” you said, taking in the broken glass and furniture.

Bucky turned you around and said “Do you want to come to my room? We can deal with this some other time.”

You simply nodded, stepping around the broken shards of glass and to the hallway. Bucky’s room wasn’t far from yours, and luckily no one was in the hallways to comment on how both of you were in wet clothes. Once in his room, he closed the door after you and went to his dresser. He pulled out a pair of sweats and one of his T-shirts and handed them to you. “They might be a little big but -”

“Thank you,” you said, taking the clothes and heading to his bathroom. You closed the door and peeled your current outfit off of you. You found a spare towel and dried off the rest of you, and pulled on Bucky’s clothes. They were huge on you, but you didn’t mind. You took your hair down and redid your bun before splashing some cold water on your face. Deeming you looked more presentable, you came back out and saw that Bucky had also changed. Smiling warmly, he pointed to the bed.

“So you are going to lie down, and I am going to go make you some food. I’ll be right back.”

You started shaking your head. “No, it’s okay, you don’t have -”

He raised his eyebrows, still pointing to the bed. Swallowing a laugh, you nodded and sat down on the bed. Bucky then left the room and returned a few minutes later with a sandwich. After you had eaten it, you laid back in the bed, melting into the softness of the mattress. You faced away from Bucky, who was sitting next to you on his phone. He was (slowly) texting Steve to finish your report, which took very little convincing.

After a few minutes, you asked “Can you lay down with me?”

Bucky smiled a little to himself. “Sure, doll,” he said, and he moved to lie down next to you. Unsure of what exactly you wanted, he gave you space. Not soon after, you turned over and scooted closer to his side. After a moment of shock from Bucky, you asked “Is this okay?” Readjusting a little, he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you closer. “Yeah, is this okay?” he asked in return. You merely hummed in approval, already feeling safer in his warm embrace. He let out a small laugh. “Try to get some rest, y/n. I’ll be here whenever you wake up.”

It was the most peaceful sleep you had ever had.

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