#remus lupin Humor

[justastarrymess]

"There’s no such thing as ‘bad ideas’, Moony. Just poorly executed awesome ideas!"

—James Potter probably.

[holynachocrown]

I just had this idea that won't leave my head and it's insane honestly

So basically, regulus 23 year old reagulus, whose parents died of "unknown reasons" when he was 19 and he inherited all of the blacks family fortune at 21, now just a college student in the most prestigious fine arts college, who lives in an penthouse with his friends who are Barty and evan.

He started streaming for funsies on twitch, sometimes game plays, reactions, night talks with his friends, doing the fine arts assignments, or stuff like that, he wasn't well known really, he had like an average of 100 people per stream,

But then narcissa and Lucius decided to take a "honeymoon" vacation and leave Draco with regulus and his friends for a month and 2 weeks,

So there was a one stream that made regulus well known that made his accounts go from 100 followers to 10 million overnight,

It was a normal gameplay he was on the defensive. It was a calm and slow stream,its a friday mesh where pan and xeno came over and cuddled in the cornerwatching reg, dorcas and evan making some snacks and barty laying on the floor scrolling on his phone, it's a slow night, regulus favorite type of nights where he is surrounded by people he love and who adore him back, he can zone out and leave everything to them, he knows he will be taken care off

but one person from chat snapped him out of his daydreaming recommending to go to one of the playoffs in the game, but apparently it also puts you in a team of random people, regulus didn't really have a problem with it he was chill, he was having a nice friday mesh, but looks like his teammates had a problem with it tho.

"Ugh, we have a rando with us" one of the guys said, his username padfoot69, what type of middleschooler username is that?

"Be nice pads," another one piped up scolding..pads? "Hey there... drowning star?" The person- moony? Spoke in a cheery voice, ending with a confused tilt to their voice, a mumble from pads- padfoot- whatever his name is,

"Hi" regulus tried to go for nonchalance but his voice broke a little, wincing from the awkwardness he muted himself, feeling like he wanted to jump out the window, he heard little footsteps behind him, he turned his head and found Draco standing there looking at him with confusion and wonder in his eyes,

"What are you doing?" Draco puffed his chest trying to act like the posh man his father is, but failing miserablly cause of his airy lisp that he has because of his missing tooth, making regulus laugh a little but hiding it quick to not upset Draco,

"I'm streaming," regulus says fondly, looking down at Draco, scooting his gaming chair to make room for Draco to see better, Draco comes forward trying to get a better look at regulus setup, standing on his toes to make himself taller and looking at regulus screen in excitement regulus turned his chair back towards the desk to continue playing , he looks over to chat and it's exploding with people sending, 'YOURE MARRIED' or 'YOU HAVE KIDS?!?!?!?!?!?' regulus feeling overwhelmed just laughs awkwardly

"I have my nephew over that's it" he explains, he unmutes himself and his teammates realizing they've been waiting for him, he apologizes and they start the game,

Regulus biggest opp is that he didn't realize that he didn't know how these people play and how they strategize, making reg become more and more frustrated, he hears a small huff next to him he takes a quick glance and he can see Draco looking mad and confused, 'me too buddy, me too.'

The other people on his team keep on yelling at him expecting him to follow unsaid commands or suggestions, and to follow them right away without them explaining anything, sometimes booting him from their voice chat to plan amongst themselves, regulus never felt as insecure in his life as he did now, not even walburga made him this insecure and that says alot honestly, regulus slowly hunches his shoulders making himself smaller and smaller, but still trying to maintain dignity and act like he doesn't care infront of his viewers, his friends keep on glancing at him in worry, God even Barty isn't using his phone anymore he's just straight up staring at him and his computers screen frowning everytime the other people yelled at him, yeah regulus feels like shit

The game ended they lost regulus feels liek he wants the earth to swallow him whole and erase his existence from ever existing, he never lost in his whole career not even once, and he lost now, while being degraded liek a 3 year old kid who tried to spill water on electricity,

"Are you fucking stupid?!" Padfoot yelled through the voice chat, making regulus jump a little, feeling like the voice is familiar, the tone, the words, it reminds him of walburga which is insane because she's dead and it's been five years and he should be over it, "you're such a fucking pussy, if only you follow what we say as much as you fuck up, I bet your fucking parents don't liek you what the fuck is wrong with you, ugh this is why I hate these games always putting newbies with us and then we lose the fucking game hon-" with each word regulus kept on dissociating more and more, trying to tune out the words, then suddenly "HEY!" He looks to his left and he sees Draco yelling and pointing at his mic making grabby hands, regulus doesn't think twice as he grabs Draco putting him on his lap, Draco snatches the mic from the setup regulus hears a soft is that a kid from one of the somewhat nicer people on this team which was prongs moony was also somewhat nice as well as wormtails, honestly padfoot is the only asshole in this whole team which is weird,

"DONT TALK ABOUT MY UNCLE LIKE THAT YOU COCKSUCKING DICKFACE WANNA BE!" Draco yells though the mic hurting regulus ears a little but also baffling him, he hears a snort behind him and through his headphones, he looks back and sees Barty snorting, and Pandora having an amuzed face, while xeno just looks dissapointed even though he was the one that taught Draco how to curse,

He hears a soft voice from prongs mic going daddy don't spit on me regulus thinks to himself he must be a father he snaps out of it though because apparently Draco wasn't done, unfortunately...

"SHOW YOUR FACE YOU COWARD, IF YOURE SO FUCKING CONFIDENT HUH, I WILL TELL MY FATHER ABOUT THIS, I WILL SUE YOU SO FUCKING BAD YOU WILL BEG MY UNCLE TO FORGIVE YOU EVEN THEN, I WONT FORGIVE YOU, YOU SNOT FILLED BITCH, AND JUST SO YOU KNOW MY PARENTS HAPPEN TO LOVE ME AND UNCLE STAR, UNLIKE YOUR UNFORTUNATE SHIT BALLS OF AN ASS YO-" Draco kept yelling profanities with a bit of a lisp that only children have, Barty is thoroughly on the floor laughing, regulus himself is having a hard time to hold back his laughter wormtails is snorting, prongs made a small Jesus every now and then, with a child like giggle coming from his mic, moony is muted but regulus has a feeling he is laughing, and padfoot is just making huffing sounds that are between impressed and just straight up feeling disrespected, which Draco is doing, disrespecting him hard, regulus just stops Draco by putting a hand over his mouth muffling him, which makes Draco try harder to get louder to be heard, narcissa is going to kill him,

"I am so sorry," regulus manages to get out without laughing, which was a fucking feat if you ask him, chat is going too fast, he can't read anything, he is trying to get out of the game, but it's loading too slow he might actually die of embarrassment,

"Don't be" a deep voice and a chuckle comes from prongs mic, he didn't really speak during their team off, only mumbling or having a kid speak every now and then, but omg his voice actually has to be illegal, or maybe he takes some type of meds, is he forcing it? he has to be forcing it no? Regulus feels like his breath just caught, and he can't speak and he is just imagining this prongs saying very, VERY inappropriate things towards him that should never be uttered in broad daylight or around company, which is insane because regulus never had this experience before, he feels his face getting red, and chat becomes even faster in their replies which is supposed to be impossible given the previous speed honestly

"Bye!" Regulus manages to get out before finally, finally the loading screen stops and he gets out of the game, he manages an quick goodbye to his viewers and he gets off, Draco is sulking next to a smirking evan who is looking at regulus with knowing eyes, regulus just gets up and flops between pan and xeno cuddling into them, he hears xen huff a little laugh but accommodate him and pulls the blanket up a bit over him, yeah regulus is going to just forget about this completely

It's been 3 days since the atrocious stream, and safe to say, regulus got viral, somehow somebody clipped the stream and uploaded it on social media blew up overnight, and became a fucking meme, narcissa found out Scolded him for seven hours and forty six minutes and some more over text, lucius just kept calling and laughing at his face,

But what he never expected was gaining 10 million followers on tiktok and 100 thousand on both Instagram and twitch, people kept asking him to get Draco on all of his streams, he refused at first and just asked narcissa and lucius for permition, they agreed and he gets Draco next to him every Friday and Tuesday, Draco doesn't interact alot with chat, he usually does his own thing in the background or just cuddle while regulus plays,

Somebody continue this, I cant no more just feed .e please😭😭 I need this

Also jegulus, Barty x evan, Pandora x xenophilius, she has luna, another time luna joined the stream with them, but Fridays when she us over, she gets someone to babysit luna most times, dorcas x Marlene, lily x Mary, Remus x Sirius, Peter x gildroy (the brainrot is heavy and real with this one lol)

But yeah imma finish this later maybe not maybe would draw some pics fir their isntagram or a strip of the moment??

Probably Will revisit this to edit everything or delete lol

[heaven4lostgirls]

prompt: bullweed @moonkillermicrofic wc: 361

cw: sexual humor, mentioned sexual content

“You can keep glaring at me like that but that’s not going to fix your sore throat” Remus drawls, not looking away as he stirs his coffee.

Barty huffs in annoyance, “it’s your fault” he growls with a grimace as he speaks.

“Yes let’s blame the guy who told you not to choke on my di-”

“Semantics!” Barty waves him off as he groans before coughing immediately after.

“Agh!” he grimaces, wincing as he rubs a hand down his throat.

Remus scoffs a laugh, “there’s loose leaf bullweed in the cupboard if you want some tea you big baby” he snorts before taking the seat across from Barty at the dining table, sipping his coffee contently.

Barty glares at him from across the table.

“You know some people would take pity on their partners when they’re in pain and offer to make the tea for them” Barty snarks.

Remus only smiles mockingly, going back to sipping his coffee as he pages through the morning paper.

“And some people would also learn from their mistakes when they’re warned that they’ll hurt themselves if they try to deepthroat-”

“You’re so crass!” Barty cries out, whimpering in pain before slumping into his chair.

“This is the thanks I get for being a passionate lover” he grumbles into his arms.

Remus huffs a laugh before scooting out of his chair walking back over to the kitchen.

He shakes out some of the dried flowers into his tea strainer before pouring some hot water and honey into the cup.

He brings it out to Barty’s still hunched over form, rubbing his back in soothing motions as he places the hot tea in front of the green haired boy.

“Sip it slowly—lest you hurt yourself again” Remus remarks, willfully ignoring Barty’s shit eating grin as he sips his tea from across Remus.

They sit in silence as they finish their drinks, Remus peacefully doing the crossword at the back of the paper.

“So, what’re the chances that you’ll let me suck your-”

“Not anywhere in the future Crouch, drink your tea”

Barty’s resounding huff has Remus smirking as he writes out of the answers to the crossword.

[niko-oramiratsinatrenchcoat]

[kimoonwrites]

Black brothers dropping traumatic childhood memories like it was nothing.

Sirius laughing: Remember that time where Walburga casted Cruciatus when I wore those muggle clothings?

Regulus also laughing: Oh and remember that time, I didn’t want to eat, she hexed me as well as almost using imperio on me?

Both of them: Good ol days.

James and Remus, sobbing: Please stop.

[moonysentropia]

some wolfstarjily to start the day well

[moonydulac]

we need more of wolfstar bonding over their dry, morbid and twisted humor! they riff off each other without pause getting darker as they go (about their own traumas). but ofc, the first time remus added to sirius' joke with his own mean quip, sirius was secretly and surprisingly impressed with the quiet nerd that james brought into the mix.

s: i see your value now, remus.

r: that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Anyway, we don't see enough friends part in wolfstar when they're so friends to lovers!! banter that isn't mean!! just them joking, passing snide comments and queening out bitching about people!!

[writer-rae]

When Rita Skeeter, the queen of sensational headlines and questionable ethics, discovers that her childhood crush, Remus Lupin, is a werewolf, she does what any self-respecting, morally flexible journalist would do: she launches a full-blown campaign for werewolf rights. But let’s be honest—this isn’t just about advocacy. This is about Rita’s undying (and slightly unhinged) infatuation with the man who once lent her a quill in third year and accidentally set her heart aflutter.

As she navigates the fine line between her obsessive love and genuine advocacy, Rita plunges into a world of humor and chaos, where everything becomes a whirlwind of hilarity, mishaps, and unexpected revelations. Will Rita’s grand gesture melt Remus’s heart, or will her plans go completely off the rails, leaving her with nothing but a front-page story about her own humiliation?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63323125

[oatmilkbasic]

may 22: locked in a room | @wolfstarmicrofic | word count: 295

Things were not going well for Remus and Sirius. 

The prank set-up had been successful, obviously. Everything was ready to be triggered at a moment’s (or, more accurately, the moment Slytherins left the dungeon) notice. The only problem, then, was the imminent threat of getting caught. Things would be going smoothly if not for—

“That bloody cat,” Remus grumbled. Mrs. Norris’s grating meows echoed down the dark hallways, and a glance at the map confirmed that Filch wasn’t far behind. 

“Here!” Sirius hissed, grabbing Remus’s wrist and tugging him behind a tapestry. Remus was ready to object— hiding behind a tapestry, as if the cat couldn’t sniff them out, seriously?— but the wall opened up into a room. 

“Great, now we’re cornered,” Remus sighed, listening to the muffled yowls from the other side of the door. But Sirius wasn’t listening. They’d stumbled upon a densely cluttered room perfect for hiding— though if Filch’s pacing and apparently befuddled dot on the map was any indication, they were safe as it was. 

“I think we’ve found the Room of Requirement, Moony,” Sirius said. “Blimey, look at this!” 

Remus sighed, resigning to staying virtually locked in for who knew how long, and joined Sirius beside a dusty, tarnished mirror. “What’s this?” 

“Mirror of Erised,” Sirius replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I’ve heard stories about it. Didn’t think it was real, though. They say it shows your deepest desire.”

Remus frowned. It looked like an awfully ordinary mirror to him. His and Sirius’s faces stared back, the same as reality— his skin still scarred, his sweater still threadbare. In the mirror, Sirius turned and smiled softly, tenderly, at him despite it.

“Rubbish,” Remus declared. “I don’t see anything different.” 

[hedgehog-troops]

guys idk if anyone realised but in The Height of Romance is How Low You Fall james' bio sayds "cant pick any teams fr" is cz they're non binary and pansexual so... yk... they cant decide....

yeah okay i suck at jokes, just pretend to say OHHH and laugh.

[cerielstar]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39253293

Summary:

Petunia Evans has a lot on her mind, one of which is sneaking up on her boyfriend. But of course, between the loneliness of the night and avoiding running into the bloodthirsty baron complaining in the corridors.

(Sirius Black/Petunia Evans update).

I really wanted to draw Petunia, and hey good practice, lol. I also did this to commemorate the 3-year anniversary of posting my first one-shot about Tuney and Sirius, something really short but very sweet. And well, honestly, the translation back then was super rough, so I changed it back to its original language (Spanish) with a few extra scenes. Plus, I always enjoy poking fun at the ancient House of Black :p

Please use a translator!Sending kisses! 💋

[shadesofhogwarts]

The afterlife's a group project and everyone's failing

A/n: my version of what it might be like beyond the pearly gates with our marauders+lily

Enjoyyy

Up in the glittery upper-tier of the Afterlife– somewhere between “eternal peace” and “eternal surveillance”–the Marauders are gathered on a particularly puffy cumulus cloud that Remus enchanted to feel like a squashy armchair.

James is standing at the edge of it, arms crossed, posture tight, eyes narrowed as he watches the mortal plane like a disgruntled spirit Netflix-bingeing someone else’s memoir.

“Look,” James mutters, gesturing wildly at the sight below. “Just look. The first kid. Named after me and Sirius. And I was still snubbed. He's got the name, sure, but none of the swagger. That boy brushes his hair. On purpose.”

Sirius is lying on his back, legs hanging off the cloud, head dangling over the edge, dramatically sobbing into the ether.

“Brushed hair, Prongs. Brushed. What kind of shameful legacy is this? We died so a child could voluntarily gel his fringe? Are we ghosts or are we jokes?”

Remus, the only one holding a celestial clipboard because someone had to be sane, rubs his temples. “Technically, we’re both.”

Below, Harry is naming his second son. Albus Severus.

Silence.

Dead, dangerous silence.

James stares. Blinks once. Then his voice goes deadpan:

“He named the kid Albus Severus—ALBUS. SEVERUS. After Snape and Dumbledore. Not Sirius. Not Remus. Not ME. I died for that child and he named him after a man who bullied his mother and another who raised him like a pig for slaughter.”

Sirius makes a sound between a dying walrus and a demonically-possessed accordion. “Snape.”

“Oh I heard,” James snarls. “I heard that soppy ‘always’ nonsense and I almost came back from the dead to hex him into a second grave. ‘Always’? You tried to kill her best friend, mate! You called her a slur in fifth year and now you’re Mr. Tragic Lover?”

Remus has stopped blinking. “He–he didn’t even use ‘Remus.’ Not even a middle name. I got posthumously cancelled without even existing on the chart.”

“And maybe we’d still be alive if one of you idiots had picked literally anyone but Peter!” Lily snaps. “Peter, the man who flinched at cats!”

Remus, bitter: “I should’ve known. He once cried because he stepped on a slug.”

James collapses backwards into the cloud like a man felled by bad decisions. “I trusted him with my life. I said, ‘not Sirius, it’s too obvious.’ I thought I was being clever. Me. A man who lost his wand inside a couch once.”

Sirius, without missing a beat: “And then spent an hour lecturing the couch.”

James: “IT SWALLOWED IT WHOLE.”

Remus tosses his clipboard into the sun.

Lily floats in, radiant, furious, and dangerously glowing. “Excuse me, but I did not die–so young–get insulted by a man who called me a Mudblood and raised my child like a Horcrux-hunting soldier in a YA dystopia, just for my grandchild to be named after the human equivalent of a mildew stain.”

Sirius wheezes. “James, I was literally tortured in the Department of Mysteries! I came back from Azkaban with cheekbones that could murder! And I died in front of him like a goddamn Shakespearean plot twist. But no. No, it’s always bloody Severus!”

James is pacing now. “Dumbledore manipulated the kid like a puppet and he gets a statue. I threw the child in the air and caught him! Successfully! Every time!”

Lily’s eyes are glowing. “You know what? Let’s haunt someone. I want blood. Or at least a mild haunting. Maybe a poltergeist situation. I want that boy to spill soup on himself every time he says ‘Severus.’”

“Oh, I’m ready,” Sirius grins. “I’ll start small. Misplace his socks. Tangle his shoelaces. Make Ginny call him ‘Alby’ in front of his friends.”

Remus, quiet with suppressed rage, adds, “Put copies of Hogwarts: A History in all their bathrooms. The updated edition. With footnotes.”

The celestial pensieve flashes again. Harry is telling his son he is named after the bravest man he's ever known.

...

James, deadpan:

“Okay. That’s it. I’m reincarnating.”

They all collectively sigh.

Sirius nods solemnly. “I want to come back as a howler and scream ‘YOU’RE WELCOME’ at the Christmas table.”

Remus mutters, “I’m coming back as a stray dog just to piss on Dumbledore’s grave.”

James closes his eyes. “You know what hurts the most? We were cool. We were so cool. We died like heroes in a war and somehow history turned us into the sad backstory in some greasy emo boy’s redemption arc.”

Lily throws up her hands. “You think you got rewritten? I got reduced to freckles, green eyes, and a personality called ‘Harry’s mom.’ I died gloriously. There was a scream. I looked ethereal. I had a monologue. And now I’m a plot device with ovaries.”

Sirius claps slowly. “We are going to start a celestial rebellion.”

“And Teddy?” James perks up suddenly. “Teddy Lupin. I forgot we had a nephew. A cool one.”

They all pause.

“…He’s dating my namesake,” James adds slowly. “That’s... that’s a weird familial loop.”

Sirius cackles. “Classic Marauder energy. I approve.”

Lily claps her hands. “Alright, if we can’t fix Harry’s naming issues, can we at least collectively agree to curse that portrait of Dumbledore? I want it to blink every time someone mentions ‘the greater good.’”

Remus: “Make it sneer every time someone says ‘clever boy.’”

James flops onto the cloud. “We were legends. And now we’re the punchline of a badly written epilogue.”

And somewhere below, Harry Potter sneezes. For no reason. His soup spoons have started disappearing. Teddy finds a mixtape in his sock drawer that plays “Teenage Dirtbag” on loop.

The haunting has begun.

And the dead?

The dead are laughing through their heartbreak.

[iamnmbr3]

i will never forgive the harry potter movies for having lupin turn into that dinky naked mole rat looking scraggly excuse for a werewolf. what even was that?!

[clownoid-cat]

sirius: you know how back in the day they were like "bring them dead, or alive?" well i'm like "bring them male or female"

james: to be fair, back in the day bisexuality wasn't really a thing, so they had to do other things

remus: the question is, whether it was necromancy or necrophilia

[butterli5]

The marauders talking about how self obsessed and narcissistic Gilderoy Lockhart is.

Sirius: ugh I hate him.

Remus: I don't think I can ever be a narcissist, I don't really love myself enough for that.

James, Sirius and Peter in the background: 👁️👄👁️

[percypotterblack]