#so humor me!

[oatmilkbasic]

may 22: locked in a room | @wolfstarmicrofic | word count: 295

Things were not going well for Remus and Sirius. 

The prank set-up had been successful, obviously. Everything was ready to be triggered at a moment’s (or, more accurately, the moment Slytherins left the dungeon) notice. The only problem, then, was the imminent threat of getting caught. Things would be going smoothly if not for—

“That bloody cat,��� Remus grumbled. Mrs. Norris’s grating meows echoed down the dark hallways, and a glance at the map confirmed that Filch wasn’t far behind. 

“Here!” Sirius hissed, grabbing Remus’s wrist and tugging him behind a tapestry. Remus was ready to object— hiding behind a tapestry, as if the cat couldn’t sniff them out, seriously?— but the wall opened up into a room. 

“Great, now we’re cornered,” Remus sighed, listening to the muffled yowls from the other side of the door. But Sirius wasn’t listening. They’d stumbled upon a densely cluttered room perfect for hiding— though if Filch’s pacing and apparently befuddled dot on the map was any indication, they were safe as it was. 

“I think we’ve found the Room of Requirement, Moony,” Sirius said. “Blimey, look at this!” 

Remus sighed, resigning to staying virtually locked in for who knew how long, and joined Sirius beside a dusty, tarnished mirror. “What’s this?” 

“Mirror of Erised,” Sirius replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I’ve heard stories about it. Didn’t think it was real, though. They say it shows your deepest desire.”

Remus frowned. It looked like an awfully ordinary mirror to him. His and Sirius’s faces stared back, the same as reality— his skin still scarred, his sweater still threadbare. In the mirror, Sirius turned and smiled softly, tenderly, at him despite it.

“Rubbish,” Remus declared. “I don’t see anything different.” 

[northernfireart]

read the whole story> here by @clarionglass :)

[stuckinapril]

lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.

[bisexualpercyjacksons]

pjo tv show episode 5 alignment:

[kenobihater]

after literal years i finally got around to downloading a pdf of the wipers times, an unsancitioned satitical british trench magazine circulated among the troops in france from 1916-1918 after the fortuitous discovery of a printing press. i have approximately five million other things i need to read so idk when i'll be able to devote much time to it, and i gotta pick up a proper copy bc it's missing at least salient no 4 vol 2. that said? i'm genuinely laughing at what i've skimmed so far

[smittyw]

[cowardlykrow]

Stop light shenanigans

Extra:

[koipepo]

That omake of little Kabru not being able to show off his howetown sweets because of Misril gets to me a lot so...

Here's a happier Kabru (and Lairu)

[garpen]

Lol not another batfam twitter au, people are so tired of those

Master List Part One

[pinacoladamatata]

blink and you'll miss it moments around skyhold....

[audible301]

Can we discuss this new information that the collegehumor writers (turned dropout cast) all think minions are hilarious

[iamnmbr3]

we don't talk about this parallel enough

[mostly-funnytwittertweets]

[chasingthewesternsun]

Mad we didn’t see thrawn in ep 3 but happy i got to finish my dumb comic (҂◡_◡) ᕤ

[cvnt4him]

Birthday head w zuzu🗣️

Js think'n ab him waking up before you during the morning yk whether it be force of habit or because well he's a teacher, he would pepper you in kisses whispering sweet nothings and many strings of happy birthdays!

Js like kissin all over your cheeks n your puffy lips, then he moves down to your neck keeping them light and quick he suckles on the flesh gently as not to wake you, leaving a slight bruise. You hum underneath him which brings a smile to his lips.

Whilst hovering over you he gets a good look at your limp and unconscious figure, the way you're splayed out beneath him like this. You're just so perfect and he has a whole day of pampering and peppering just for you.

m’ thinking maybe he just gets a thought like maybe he could do a little something for you despite you being asleep, his first thought was to make you breakfast, which he did as an amazing husband. but then he had a thought to do..more.

Izuku slowly trails down underneath the covers to where your lower half was and crawled in between your legs, he was careful not to be too moving and too rough with your body whilst being in this vulnerable estate. He gently kissed atop of your thighs moving inward, his lips peppered slow gentle kisses on the inside of your thighs.

His breath hitched as he came face close to your clothed cunt, licking a long stripe up the covered slit. His tongue did that for some time before you were nice and wet, he moved the fabric to the side and instantly delved his tongue inside of your lips. He licked and sucked up everything you gave him, slurping and making a mess all over his face.

The second you started squirming and little mewls had left out he knew he was doing a great job, he worried that maybe because you were asleep you wouldn't have as much pleasure but boy was he wrong. You were moaning and your back was arching, your hips forcing themselves into izukus face.

He buries his face inside of you and gently rubbed your clit with his thumb occasionally coming up to give it little kitten licks. Zuku didn't care about breathing or anything like that, he just wanted to give you a mind shattering orgasm.

He was a moaning mess while eating you out, whimpering and whining at the mere taste of you. He was drunk off of you, your scent your flavour all of it. His tongue just wouldn't let up on its squirming, the pink muscle swimming inside of you and taking all of your essence.

Izuku was happy having his face buried inside of your cunt, it made him happier once you grabbed him by his hair and shoved his face deeper. He happily obliged and started swirling his tongue around your clit before giving back down to drive his tongue right back inside.

Once you came all over his mouth his face was sticky in your arousal and juices which he eagerly tried to lick up the best he could! He heard your ragged breaths assuming you were still awake, he placed gentle kisses in the inside of your thighs before giving your cunt a sloppy tongue filled kiss.

The sudden electrification of the new pleasure he just gave you made you jolt up with a whine, you moved the cover to see him still in between your legs, his eyes shot open wide as he moves back from your cunt with a lovedrunk and oussydrunk smile, all wobbly and glistening with your slick.

“g’morning honey.. happy birthday~”

It's my birthday today n uhm yeah! I wanted to like. Make something for myself but like... NOT make it ab me at the same time lol. Who wants to read something that isn't necessarily x reader yk?

Happy my birthday to you<33