#rude gremlin child

[pixlokita]

Have you seen the most recent Tales from the Pizzaplex story? I don't want to spoil anything, so I won't, but something might be canon that you'd find rather interesting.

Yeah ^^ got a few asks about it xD I like to wait for confirmation but Gregory being patient 46 was a theory that I knew of before and tbh it doesn’t really change things if it’s true or not :0c he was being mind controlled and he’s not anymore ;w; the only Gregory we all know is the one we met in the games and his past doesn’t change him. It’s nice to have more background on him tho ^^ I wonder how they’ll explain this in the DLC ? >> lots of interesting possibilities.

[sunnami]

❝i am half-agony, half-hope. . . i have loved none but you.❞

summary: how the marauders loved you in their time. featuring harry potter the time-traveller and sixth-wheel.

pairing/s: poly!marauders x reader. (james potter x reader, lily evans x reader, remus lupin x reader, and sirius black x reader.)

tags: reader is referred to as she/her and a mother throughout the whole fic[!], reader is a violent gremlin who craves blood but the marauders love you for that, implied child abuse[!], mentions of blood and violence[!], disgustingly sappy poetic fluff, no angst, happy ending, not proofread we die like finnick odair, edited: very minor detail.

note: there is little plot, it’s just the marauders and their adoration for you. thank you all so much for your kind responses to my first marauders fic :(( ilysm! i hope you enjoy this one as well! because there are parts when i was writing that i ended up kicking my feet in the air and smiling to myself.

“MY NAME IS HARRY POTTER. I come from twenty-years in the future, you’re my mum — one of my ‘em, actually. It’s complicated. And you’re married to James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black.” 

You blink. 

“Get the fuck out of my room!” 

Harry James Potter has dodged many things in his life. Killing curses, jinxes, girls, Draco Malfoy, and Dudley’s sloppy punches, but he’s never had to dodge his sixteen-year-old mother’s fuzzy slipper before. (Godric, that sounds weird, even in his head.) He doesn’t know precisely how he arrived here. In the Slytherin common room, to be exact, in your dorm. Harry remembers duelling with Death Eaters, Hermione calling his name, and a flash of light hitting him square in the chest, then he remembers waking up in the cold tiles of the snake dungeon. He nearly throws himself off the window when he meets your eyes, bleary from interrupted sleep — it’s not often he gets to meet [read: one of] his dead parents, after all, three had been brutally murdered by Voldemort, and one killed by his own loony cousin. He misses Sirius, though. A lot. And right about now, he could do with some of Hermione’s nagging and brilliant plan-making. 

At present — or past, Harry guesses — he watches you scramble out from your duvet, hand clumsily reaching for your wand as you snarl at him. He wonders if his mother knows that he’s encountered other creatures far more threatening than her. Oh shit, he realizes with all the forces of an angry Hermione Granger, isn’t this the last thing he’s supposed to do? But, well, Harry has given, and given, so much of himself all for the greater good — just this once, he’d like to see his parents alive and well. Even if they were currently trying to blast him into the walls. 

“If you’d just let me explain, mum—!” Harry pleads, nearly dropping his glasses after dodging one of your stinging hexes. Godric, you’re crazy. “Please!” 

“Stop calling me that!” You screech, eyes set ablaze.  Harry finds that you’re quite dynamic with your attacks. A hairbrush, followed by a stinging jinx, then a thick History of Magic textbook — which rudely hits him in the face, but he doesn’t dare complain because you’re his mother, and he’s respectful like that — and after you’ve exhausted your breath, running him into a corner, and your nostrils flare with the stubbornness of a lion, you point the tip of your wand at him. “If this is another one of the Prewett’s shitty pranks, I want you to leave! You are in the girls’ dormitory beyond midnight, and so help me, if you aren’t walking out that door in the next five seconds, I will kill you and string you up by your bottoms for everyone in school to see! Maybe all your stupid rumours of me being a Death-Eater might come true after all!” 

“You’re a Death-Eater?” Harry asks dumbly. 

You growl furiously, and Harry figures that was not the right thing to say. “I wonder what McGonagall would say if I delivered your head to her on a silver platter.” 

“Professor,” Harry corrects with a toothy grin. “Professor McGonagall.” 

You slam his head against the wall.

Definitely the wrong thing to say. 

Harry groans, little Dobby heads floating around his vision. Why was this so much harder than actually facing Voldemort? Quick, he needed to think of something, otherwise he’d end up eviscerated to ashes on your cold, stone floors. Harry is pretty sure you’d use his remains as decoration to send off a message to your enemies. 

“You hate your father,” Harry slurs through the pain, remembering Remus’s stories of how you were the gentlest magical being he’s ever had the privilege to love — now that Harry thinks about it, Remus was being extremely biased, nothing about you is gentle at all. “He’s forcing you to marry someone old enough to be your grandfather. You love to read Muggle literature but had to stop when your father burnt your whole collection of books. Your favorite novel is Persuasion by Jane Austen. It’s the one book you carry with you everywhere, you could never get tired of it.”  

Your grip on his shoulders falters, but the fury in your eyes crackles. “This isn’t funny.” 

“It’s not meant to be funny, mum,” Harry croaks, voice cracking pathetically — strange how this is the most he’s ever uttered the word, mum; it’s a peculiar string of letters, foreign on his tongue. “You have tremors in your left leg from when your father cast the Cruciatus curse on you. One of your dearest friends is a Hogwarts house-elf named Pipley. You cheated on your Transfiguration essay once, and—” 

“That’s enough!” You bark, eyes narrowed in dangerous slits. “I don’t know where you heard those from, you creepy, little stalker, but if you want to keep breathing, then I suggest you shut up.” 

Harry scoffs — you don’t understand. Everything he’s learned about you is from Sirius and Remus. They talk about you with whispered devotion, your name like a prayer on their lips, their eyes glazed with wistfulness as though they could see you reaching out for them — but you were dead in Harry’s time. Yet, you might as well have been alive with their tales of you. 

(“She’s a different kind of beautiful,” Sirius had said, a year after breaking out from Azkaban, sitting by the fire in Grimmauld Place, taking a swig of decade-old firewhiskey, “The kind of beautiful you don’t want to take your eyes off from because you’re afraid she’ll disappear from your eyes. But you won’t forget her, oh no, you’ll memorize the freckles and moles on her skin, the scars from her years, the light in her eyes, and the way she holds her head up high. You should have seen her, James, she. . . she was — is glorious.”) 

“I told you,” says Harry firmly — although he loves his mother very much, she’s beginning to wear him out, “My name is Harry James Potter, I come from twenty-years in the future. You are one of my parents.” A lightbulb flashes in his head. He squirms in your hold, reaching for his robe pocket until he finds the thing he’s looking for. Harry dangles the ring in front of you, grinning in success when your eyes flash in recognition. “It’s—” 

“A family heirloom,” You say breathlessly. The alexandrite winks under the light, a familiar gold band with the Latin inscription of your House words. “Where did you steal this from?” 

Harry rolls his eyes. “You left it for me in my Gringotts vault. It’s my heirloom now. You have to believe me, there’s no way you can deny this.” 

You take a step backwards, nibbling on your lower lip, as you stagger to your bed — Harry nearly stumbling to catch you in case you fell; adjusting to the living proof of time travel was quite difficult, he, of all people, should know. He exhales, dragging a hand down his face. “Magic, amirite?” 

You throw a pillow at him, which he catches gracefully thanks to his Seeker reflexes, as you plop down in the comforts of your quilts. “Sleep. The other girls won’t be back until the end of the holiday. We can deal with whatever this is in the morning. It’s way too early for me to process the idea of a future Potter spawn following me around.” 

Harry smiles. “Yes, mum.” 

ONE THING THAT his fathers failed to tell him about you, and that Harry had to learn himself, was that you took ages to get ready. You sat on the chair in front of your vanity mirror, the birch wood legs whittled with snakes, and it was as though you had a Sticking Charm on the cushion. Harry didn’t know there could be so many creams, oils, and serums, and powders one put on their face. He blanches when you turn to offer him a cream for his under eyes. (“Suit yourself.” You shrug, turning to brush your cheek with dusts of pink. “Just saying, those dark circles aren’t doing you any favors.”)

“What am I like in the future?” You ask, a kind lilt to your voice, much like a warm hug, much like home. 

Harry stiffens, shoving his hands in pockets of the robes that were twice his size — you had given him the garments of Lucius Malfoy to change in, which you apparently had stolen from his room. It’s come full circle, really, the Sorting Hat had once told him he would be great in Slytherin, and now here he was, looking fabulous in green — because he was about to hurl at the feel of the velvet on his skin, knowing slimy Lucius Malfoy had worn it. (“No son—” You pause with a tight purse in your lips, as if you still can’t accept the fact. Harry doesn’t blame you. “—no son of mine will be parading around in red of all colors, future or not.” And Harry finds that he really doesn’t care, so long as you call him your son.)  

“Loved,” replies Harry gruffly, avoiding your eyes in the reflection of your mirror — they were piercing. One look and Harry wanted to spill all of his deepest, darkest secrets. He remembers the photographs in his album, the one he’s stared at so many times as a child. It’s a moving photograph of the five of you, fresh out of Hogwarts, each wearing a smile that stretched from ear-to-ear. Before Sirius and Remus, it was the only semblance of proof that Harry had — that you had once been alive. Remus is holding you by the waist in the picture, twirling you around as autumn leaves fell. You were — are — loved, and Harry thinks there’s no better description than that. 

(“I bloody hated her cat,” says Remus with a roguish quirk to his lips, regalling Harry with more talks of his parents. “Sirius, too. We just never got along with the little creature. But your mother loved it, and we would have done anything to make her happy. She deserved it, you see. She deserved more than what I had to offer her, but still she chose me anyway. And I am a selfish man, Harry, I crave glimpses of her and the whispers of her voice. She has made me a mad man whose only reprieve is her touch.”) 

You hum knowingly. “Stupid question, I guess. Since you aren’t allowed to reveal anything more about the future.” You sigh, gracefully threading your arms in the sleeves of your shirt, a green tie in the center of your collar. “Except, of course, when you gave me a heart attack in the middle of the night by telling me the last thing I want to become — no offense, I just don’t see how a relationship with those rowdy bunch would work. They get on my nerves far too much for me to ever feel anything other than disgust.” 

Harry doesn’t need a mirror to see that his expression has contorted in confusion; brows knitted and upper lip crinkled. By their memories of you, you all were madly in love in Hogwarts. Damn. This just made his trip to the past a lot harder. No maze seems to be ever just a maze. 

Luckily, you don’t notice him brewing a grand master plan to bring his parents together. Instead, you say, “But you don’t seem to be phased by any of this. If I had been thrown twenty years into the past, I would have puked my guts out twice at some point.” 

“Thanks for the image,” says Harry with a scowl. Truthfully, it had either been a present with a noseless Dark Lord to face, trauma to unpack but really never have the chance to, or a past where all of his parents were alive, and a chance to talk with them for however long he has. He knows where he’ll be staying, thank you very much. 

“Anytime,” You reply with an impish smile. 

Your heels pad across the floor as you walk over to him, mouth clicking as you pat the top of his head, full of wild, untameable Potter hair. “You need a trim soon,” You mutter, frowning, as you brush the thick strands away from his eyes, then you gasp — and Harry knows exactly what’s coming next. “Oh, you’ve got Evans’s eyes. That’s freaky.” 

“I know.” Harry grins. 

“Here’s the plan,” You say as you lead him out of your room, making sure no one saw him walking out of your door and getting the wrong impression — because that would be so wrong on many levels, but also, explaining to someone else that the person beside you was a time-traveller was just complicated in general. The Slytherin dungeon is unfamiliarly familiar, eerily quiet, as the two of you made your way out. “Just say you’re Potter’s distant relative, twice or thrice removed, and you’ve always been here. If you lie to their faces enough, they’ll believe it eventually.” 

“Will that work?” Harry doesn’t really mind — he needs a connection to James, his father, if he’s going to work out a connection between you and the others, because at the moment, it doesn’t seem like you’re too fond of them. There’s a tick on your jaw every time you mumble the word, Potter. Nevertheless, Harry decides he’s going to spend the duration of the holiday break trying to set you up with them — on the list of most insane things he’s ever done, living out the Parent Trap was high up the tally. 

You shrug. “They’ve fallen for less.” 

(“She’s got this adorable habit when she lies,” Sirius tells Harry, whipping up a stack of pancakes for their breakfast — Remus browsing through the morning paper. It’s the closest he’s ever been to a normal family. “It’s not obvious to her, of course, but I know her more than I know my own name. So we play along with it.” For a moment, he stops drizzling the maple syrup on the well-cooked batter, gazing at Remus fondly. “D’you remember that, Moony? She led us straight to one of her pranks, and we ended up covered in slug slime. She was so obvious — with her adorable fucking giggles. I need help with Charms, she said, and we knew right away it was a set-up. But it didn’t matter. I’d happily let her lead me to my ruin.”)  

The Great Hall is the same as Harry remembers. Now that most have returned home for the holidays, those who stay back mingle with students from other Houses, sharing meals under the bewitched ceiling, their low murmurs and hushed Christmas greetings bouncing off the walls. Harry scours the four tables to find a hint of blazing red hair, or the scent of impending trouble. Fortunately, he doesn’t have to search very far. As fate would have it, James Potter finds you — and where he is, Sirius Black is sure to follow. 

You’re barely seated when James comes bounding over to your table — more precisely, he struts, and Harry is horrified to ever be proven wrong by Snape, of all people. He ignores the roll of your eyes as he drags a leg over the bench, sitting to face you as Sirius occupies the space to your left before Harry can even sit down. He can’t even fathom how weird it is to see his parents as rambunctious teenagers. Lovesick, rambunctious teenagers. 

“Morning, dove.” James preens under your glare, stealing a grape from your bowl with a boyish smirk. His hair looks as though he’s ran his hand through it many times. “You look ravishing today.” 

“As always,” Sirius pipes in. “But that eyeshadow really isn’t complementing your skin tone, my darling.” 

You smile at him, right before your lips twist into a cutthroat sneer. “Piss off, Black.”

James stifles a laugh as he shovels a mass of potatoes on your plate, then pumpkin pasties, and slides a steaming cup of Dragon Well tea in front of you. 

“What the hell are you doing, Potter?” You reach over to smack his arm when he sprinkles apple slices and bacon on your breakfast. 

“What does it look like?” James smiles lopsidedly. “You need to eat more, honey.”

(In the future, Sirius will tell Harry, “It started off as a joke, a way to get on her nerves — but then, it just became this thing about taking care of her, making sure she got enough sleep before her tests, wondering if she had breakfast or dinner, staying with her in the library, walking her to the Slytherin common room, and sending her stupid notes just to make her laugh. You don’t get it, Harry. I’d give my every breath to ensure her life. We all would.” Harry doesn’t see Sirius any more during that evening, but he hears a bottle crashing against a wall, cracking into a million pieces, and the masked sound of Sirius sobbing, and Harry decides to leave him alone for the night.) 

Then, you tear your eyes away from James — he huffs, pushing your plate to you, mildly annoyed that you’ve deprived him of your eyes; they were his favorite part of you, you see, so expressive and full of life; James thinks you put the stars to shame — and thankfully, you remember that Harry still exists. You lightly smack Sirius’s leg until he gives Harry some room to sit. “Potter, meet other Potter. It’s the holidays, shouldn’t it be the perfect time to let go of House prejudices and spend time with family?” 

James looks at Harry up and down. “You must be from dad’s side of the family with all that hair.” 

Harry lets out a breath of relief. That was easy — way too easy. When he takes the vacant space in between you and Sirius, you dump all the available food on his plate, just as James had done for you. 

“Eat,” You say with a tone of finality. “You look like the wind could snap you in half.” 

“Yes, m—” Harry stops himself before he could finish his sentence, avoiding Sirius’s curious gaze. 

“Wow.” Sirius pokes Harry in the shoulder and in the cheek. “You really look like a mini-James, you’ve even got his terrible eyesight.” 

“Oi!” 

Your fork clatters against the silverware as you turn to Sirius with a shrill. “Not that I do enjoy your company — because, trust me, I do not want you here at all and would very much prefer if you got out of my sight — but why are you here? The Gryffindor table is over there. Unless your housemates finally got sick of you, Potter, which I can definitely see happening.” 

James chuckles, tossing another grape in his mouth without taking his eyes off you. “It’s as you said, isn’t it? It’s the time for putting aside House prejudices. And I think it’s a lovely day to enjoy a meal with my favorite snake.” 

“Drop dead,” You retort, digging into your chicken with a little more force than necessary. 

“Oh, dove.” James shakes his head, a teasing grin pulling at his lips. “It’s cute that you think death will keep me from you.” 

(Harry’s been told before, probably by Sirius, that this line had been wedged into his wedding vows for you. “A dramatic one, James was,” Sirius chuckles to himself one morning, Harry and Hermione listening intently, “He always said he’d rather die than ever hurt her. There was this time in seventh year, they had a fight — it was ugly — and she had ignored him for a week. James cried in Remus’s arms begging him to cut his heart out, saying that he didn’t deserve to keep on breathing, not after making you cry.”) 

“That is so creepy,” You say in disgust, scrunching your nose. Sirius chortles at your side. “I still wonder why Evans agreed to go out with you.” 

“It’s all part of the charm, dove.” James winks. “It’s all part of the charm.” 

Harry wants to barf, actually.

After breakfast, James then decides to introduce Harry to Lily, Remus, and Peter. (He’s gonna need the patience of a saint to not Avada Kedavra that rat on the spot.) Harry had spent the whole morning watching Sirius peel oranges and give them to you with a smitten look in his eyes — naturally, you gave whatever Sirius offered you to Harry, and each time Padfoot would visibly wilt. If he were in his Animagus form, Harry thinks he would be whining by now, tongue out and all. James and Sirius follow after you like lost puppies when you extricate yourself from the table.

“Where are you going?” James calls, hot on your heels as you leave the Great Hall.

“Away from you, Potter!” 

And James actually sighs when you turn the corner and disappear from their peripheral vision. Seconds later, he turns to Harry with a blinding smile, “She’s definitely charmed.”

Harry chortles.

“Well, come on then!” James guffaws as he wraps an arm around Harry’s neck — this is so, so strange. They begin walking in the opposite direction of where you went. “I still can’t believe we’ve got another Potter here and in Slytherin. I think I would have remembered Minnie calling your name during the Sorting Ceremony. What year are you in?” 

He’s supposed to start his sixth-year in a few weeks. “Fifth.” Technically. 

“We should ask Lily,” says Sirius, hands in his pockets and ebony ringlets tickling his nape. “She’s got the best memory out of all of us.”

It’s odd, Harry thinks, meeting the person who’s got his eyes — or the other way around, as people have told him. It’s like someone carved out the emeralds of Lily Evans’s eyes and bestowed it upon Harry for safekeeping. She sits beside Remus Lupin, head resting on his shoulder, hands clasped together, as they enjoy the shade. Nex to them, oblivious to their intimate conversation, is Peter Pettigrew — with his rosy, cherub cheeks and innocent blue eyes; not at all the image of a pathological, cowardly liar. Their heads snap in attention as James boisterously cries for their name. 

“Marauders — and Lily-pad — meet ickle Potter.” James lightheartedly whacks Harry on the back, to which Harry feels his lungs spill out from his mouth, he’s sure there’s an imprint of his father’s hand on his back now. 

“There’s two Potters in Hogwarts?” Sea-green eyes look at him in scrutiny as Lily knits her brows. “How even is the castle still standing?” 

James cackles like it’s the best joke he’s ever heard in his entire life, slapping his knee for dramatic effect. Oh, well, at least they’re buying Harry’s half-baked lie. At this point, it’s not even baked, it’s just wet, soggy, and poorly done. “Good one, Lily-pad!”

Sirius ruffles Remus’s shaggy blonde hair, canines bared in a wide grin. “This one here’s Moony, uptight prefect in the morning and absolute beast in the evening.” 

Harry blanches. Surely he was talking about his furry problem, right? Right? 

Remus doesn’t even flinch, just peels off Sirius’s hand from him and extends his hand out to Harry. “Please do not mind him. Remus Lupin, nice to meet you. Although, I can’t believe this is the first time we’ve met. We would have definitely remembered if we had another Potter in our midst.” 

“It’s true, we Potters are just hard to forget,” says James, smiling cheekily. 

Harry pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue. “Mum didn’t take the Potter name. I’m part Dursley. Muggle.” 

Lily hums, toying at the ends of her bright hair. “Dursley, huh? What a familiar name.” 

“It’s a common one,” Harry assures her — not at all the names of the people who would take him in after they died. And make his life miserable. 

“I suppose you’re right,” says Lily, unconvinced. 

“And this is Peter.” James introduces the boy eagerly, pride in his voice — as though this isn’t the person who literally allies himself with Voldemort. As if Peter won’t betray his friends all because of fear. 

“N–Nice to meet you,” Peter stammers with a nervous fidget, “Any family of James is a friend of ours.” 

Harry’s eye twitches. 

IT IS ALMOST COMICAL — the way their eyes land on your figure, bursting through the courtyard from the corridors, winter cloak swishing with every step, tendrils of hair swaying in the crisp wind, and head held up high, thick books under your arms. You pause in front of the Marauders, face blank, then you turn to Peter, greeting him with a: “Hello, only Gryffindor I can tolerate.” 

Peter’s cheeks burn a saccharine hue of pink. Oh, no, no, no — absolutely not — Harry will not stand for a little crush Peter Pettigrew has on his mother. He needs James to act now. “Hi,” Peter replies shyly. 

Lily quirks her lips. “Hello, princess, see your score for the Astronomy test yet?”

You scowl. “Zip it, Evans.” 

The sound of Lily’s laughter fills the atmosphere — it’s the sort of melody that makes flowers bloom in deserts. “Had a bit of difficulty with the star charts?” 

Sirius pinches your cheek — Harry thinks you’re going to murder him on the spot. “Difficulty? I think this one just slept through the whole thing.” 

James snickers. “Must have been one hell of a nap, princess. You were drooling on my jumper.” 

“I most certainly do not drool!” You gasp, appalled, eyes wide as you step away from Sirius.

Sirius rolls his eyes. “What? Is drooling too barbaric for the pretty, little pure-blooded princess now? Newsflash, pet, you’re just as human as we are.” 

“Oh, you horrible, loathsome, infuriating—” You whip around to beat his chest with the course book in your grasp — it’s the kind of book Hermione would consider for light reading. 

“Irresistibly attractive—?” Sirius supplies for you, grin widening with as he captures your wrist with his hands. 

“In your dreams!” You shrill. 

You exhale slowly, eyes closing, chest rising when you take a sharp inhale. You open your eyes and stare straight at Harry — for a moment he fears that you’ll bite his head off. “Harry, dear, will you accompany me to the library? I think I’ve found something important regarding your situation.” 

Harry nods. “Is it time already?” 

“Yes,” You say firmly. “And time is of the essence. Come on.” 

“Wait!” Lily calls out to you as you turn to head back to the castle, Harry in tow — he tries to avoid the way James is glaring at your linked arms. “Hogsmeade next week?” 

Your jaw falls to the ground — this must have been unrehearsed, if the others’ reactions were anything to go by; Remus had dropped his book in shock, Sirius looked like he couldn’t decide between applauding Lily’s bravery or shaking her, and James was somehow frozen in time. “Excuse me?” 

“You’re excused, princess,” says Lily, dimples poking out of her cheek as she takes another step towards you. “You, me, Hogsmeade. A date. I’m sure you’ve gone on one of those before.” 

Harry elbows your stomach as you stare at Lily in shock. It takes a few moments to break you out of your stupor. “A–And what makes you think I’ll just go with you?” 

Lily shrugs. “I’m fit. Aren’t I, Remus?” 

“The fittest,” says Remus without missing a beat. 

You laugh incredulously. “Do you just expect me to go along with this? You’re mad, Evans.” 

Harry glares at you. You need to go along with this. 

“Are you scared, princess?” Lily’s face is inches away from yours, noses almost touching — Harry doesn’t know if he should keep watching this painful way of flirting — as she grins at you, happiness barely contained within her eyes. 

To your credit, you don’t back down. (Harry has to say this for the masses: he saw your gaze flitter down to Lily’s lips for a split second.) “Stop calling me that, Evans.” 

“One date, then.” 

You growl in exasperation, eyes flickering to the boys behind her back — pretending not to hear their conversation. “I suppose I’ll have to deal with them as well?” 

Lily beams and Harry swears sunflowers could grow in her direction. “We’re a package deal.” 

“Unfortunately,” You utter — but Harry notices it, the lack of venom in your voice. You straighten your posture, nose lifted haughtily, “I choose where we’re going.” 

“Done.” The sun peeks out from the cloud just as Lily smiles at you. 

“And I want to—” 

“Done,” Remus interjects raspily, peering up at you from underneath his lashes. “Anything you want, it’s yours.” 

You fight a growing smile, but continue, “If we’re going out in public, you’re going to have to wear—” 

“Done,” says James giddily, he looks as though he could kiss you in front of everyone without a care in the world.  

“You can’t just agree to anything I say!” You flap your arms in frustration. 

“Yes, dear,” Sirius teases. 

“Do you know how much you piss me off, Black?” You squawk. “Because you are this close to—”

“You are so fucking beautiful,” Sirius confesses, every pretense shed raw from his skin, sincerity pouring from his words. 

“I—” You falter, heat rushing to your cheeks. “You’ve gone mad.” 

“It’s your fault, dove,” says James, eyes twinkling like crescent moons as he smiles. “You best take accountability for this.” 

“You’re incorrigible — all of you,” You say as you avoid their gazes.

(But they were yours. Past, present, and future. They loved you so much that their soul was no longer their own — it was yours; yours to keep, yours to break, and yours to love. It would be unjust to ask them why they loved you. Do we ask why the sun rises each day without rest? Do we ask a daisy to stop blooming, or a tree to stop growing after it has endured storms and floods? After all, we do not ask why humans follow the light in a tunnel shrouded in darkness.) 

“Come on, Harry, let’s go.” You reach for his hand, he notices immediately that the tips of your ears are pink, and your palms are warm with sweat. He barely sees Peter wave goodbye before you tug him in the direction of the castle entrance. 

“Wait up!” Remus catches up to you two in quick strides, offering to carry your books for you — not that you agree, stubborn Slytherin that you are. “I’ll walk you to the library.” 

“There’s no need for that, Lupin, thank you.” You dodge his eyes, lips tightly pressed together, nails slightly digging into Harry’s arm. 

“Remus,” He says with a twinkle. “Call me Remus.” 

“Alright.” You pause. “Remus.” 

(In that moment, Remus wonders if you remember decking Lucius Malfoy in the face to defend him in your fourth year. He didn’t think he deserved to even breathe in the same air as you — the pure-blooded princess, dressed in clothing worth more than his life, adorned in jewelry he could only dream to afford, raised to believe she was better than everyone else. Then, you beat up Evan Rosier the next month in the courtyard, eyes ablaze, extravagant silk marred with grass stains and mud, and knuckles split open. You spit blood on the ground, looking at Lily then back at Rosier. “Red,” You say, kicking him one last time in the stomach, unafraid of McGonagall’s wrath growing louder and louder. “Just like everyone else. Like those Muggleborns you fear. We’ve all got dirty blood, Rosier. Suck it up.” 

“I’ll tell your father about this!” Rosier bellows through bloody teeth. 

“Tell him!” You grab his neck and slam your forehead against his. “Tell him that I decide my own future now!”

Remus doesn’t even have to think about it. 

He falls in love.) 

FUNNILY ENOUGH, IT’S LILY who gives you her heart first, before anyone else does. It’s the last month of her first year at Hogwarts — it still hasn’t quite sunk in yet that she was a witch. Her, not Petunia, but her — Lily Evans, the witch. Apparently, some people can’t believe it either. A girl from Ravenclaw calls her this foul word, she’s heard it a few times now but it always hurts the same. James and Sirius get into a fight for her honor, now faced with detention later this evening. But she can’t help but wonder, what if they were right? What if she really didn’t belong in this world? It was too good to be true, anyway. Perhaps she’ll just run a flower boutique with Petunia.

“Oi.” 

The sound of your voice startles her, and she nearly topples over in the Great Lake. Lily catches sight of your Slytherin colors and resigns herself to another round of name-calling. “What do you want?” 

“They’re wrong, you know,” You tell her, ignoring Lily’s question. You look down on her with your nose raised arrogantly — she wishes she could be like you. Born to be magic. “You’ve got a terrifying brain locked up in your head there, Evans. And they know it, too. They’re scared.” 

Lily scoffs. “I’m just a Mudblood to them. There’s nothing to be intimidated by.” 

You sneer. “Don’t say that word. You’re more than that. More than them. They’ve got long ways to go to prove they have a place in this world. But you — you’ve defied the odds and you were destined to become magic. You don’t have to prove anything. You have the right to be in the wizarding world and no one can take that away from you.” 

Then, you pivot on your heels, not bothering to hear her reply. “You’re my rival now, Evans. Do keep up. We’ve got an Astronomy test tomorrow. I look forward to seeing how you do then.” 

Lily just gapes. She’s certain there’s butterflies in her stomach. Her heart thumps wildly against her ribcage. Lily raises her hands to feel her blushing cheeks. There’s a light unfamiliar sensation in her stomach — like the urge to kick her legs and scream into a pillow, or more precisely, chase after you and hold your hand.

She stiffens.

Oh.

part two

[alienzil]

Okay so I saw this post and you know the types of fics where adult Danny moves to Gotham and winds up emotionally adopting one or more of bat kids or accidentally coparenting with Bruce (with or without a relationship between them)? I had the thought, what if Danny parented the bat kids but he started doing it out of spite?

Like, Danny moves to Gotham and runs into Batman and Robin one night while out for a late night flight and drops down to the rooftop to say hi.

Bruce sees this 5'6" twink that looks like a stiff breeze could knock him over and is so obviously new in town and thinks Gotham is going to eat him alive, he needs to leave before he gets killed.

Batman: Looming menacingly and in his deepest scariest Batman voice, "Leave. Metas aren't allowed in Gotham."

Danny: Offend! Excuse?! Who does this guy think he is?! 😡 Danny was trying to be polite here! "First of all, I'm not a meta. Second of all, rude much?!"

Batman: Does scariest bat glare. "Leave." Swoops off into the night.

Robin (Damian): "My father is correct. You should leave the city for your own safety."

Danny sees this tiny vigilante child with fierce expression and a sword and is just like awww, so cute! 😍 Then he noticed Robin had a small cut on his arm and his inner gremlin activates. If the rude flying furry can't take care of his own kid properly, Danny will do it better!

He bandages up Damian's arm, gives him a cookie and teaches him a neat sword trick before sending him on his way with a hug telling him he needs his sleep.

Danny goes out of his way to run into the bat kids and be the absolute best dad.

He takes Nightwing flying and throws him in the air so Nightwing can do all the fanciest acrobatic tricks.

He tracks down Red Hood and starts a book club with him (Danny may or may not have used his connection with Ghost Writer to get ahold of some rare books).

He eats waffles with Spoiler and trys out weird topping combinations that make them both make faces and laugh.

He makes new gadgets for Red Robin but carefully breaks them just a little bit and takes them to the teen so they can fix them together (it's enrichment!). He always insists RR keep them as a reward.

He follows Signal around during the day invisibly, making faces and doing tricks only Signal can see (he made him laugh in front of the police at a crime scene twice!).

All of the kids get his attention and love and Danny smugly thinks how Batman must be absolutely seething about his kids bonding with Danny and Batman missing out on all of it.

Danny started it out of spite but he does wind up genuinely loving the bat kids.

Batman definetly hates it when the kids are bonding with Danny and is extremely jealous (sulky Batman brooding in his cave about it).

Bruce's repeated attempts to intimidate Danny into leaving Gotham don't work and him telling his kids to stay away from Danny had zero effect (the terrible children don't listen to him at all).

So Bruce starts spending more time with the kids to compete against Danny. The bat kids love it and (little gremlins that they are) use the two of them against each other constantly.

Bruce:"Sorry Tim, I can't make it to your photography exhibit this weekend, there's a meeting with the Justice League."

Tim:"Oh that's fine... I'll just ask Danny to come." 😏

Bruce: Narrows his eyes and grits his teeth, "Actually, the Justice League needs to have contingencies in place to manage without my input. This would be a good time to test their capabilities. I'll skip the meeting and come to your exhibit."

With both of them competing to spend more time with the kids it leads to the two of them spending time with each other to be around the kids more.

After Damian catches a terrible flu bug, Danny spends an entire weekend at the manor babying him. This is when Bruce finds out Danny has known their secret identities for months and tries to get mad about it but Alfred puts his foot down, raises a judgmental eyebrow in Bruce's direction that puts a stop to that nonsense and sets up Danny with his own room in the family wing.

Eventually, Danny gets to the point where he spends most of his nights at the manor and he and Bruce consult each other on all major household decisions.

The whole family is at the manor one morning including Danny. Bruce has a meeting at WE and he and Danny are absently discussing their plans for the day at the breakfast table.

Bruce: " The meeting should take most of the morning and then I have paperwork this afternoon and a scheduled walk through on one of the new engineering projects. I probably won't be done by the time school let's out. Can you pick up Damian today?"

Danny: "That shouldn't be a problem. Would you mind swinging by the bookstore on the way home and getting my preorder? Jay and I just finished rereading the first book and we were wanting to start the second tonight before you all go on patrol. I'd rather not try to make it to the bookstore in school rush hour traffic"

Bruce: "Sure."

Stephanie watches Danny reach out and absently straighten Bruce's tie as they both get up to leave. Bruce grabs Danny's coffee thermos and hands it to him while they walk out the door.

Stephanie: "Sooo, bets on how long until they realize they're basically married?"

[da-birb-writes-sometimes]

How You Turn My World; Chapter 1

Your day started with chaos, and my dear, it looks like it will continue to be chaos. But only time will tell. The Underground holds many surprises in store for you.

Characters; Grim, Lilia Vanrouge, Deuce Spade, Ace Trappola

Content; Gender-neutral reader, cat shenanigans, building the plot

Content Warnings; Swearing, illusion to marijuana but there is none

Word Count; 4.6 K

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |

Don't put my work into AI; I'll make sure you go to the Underground and don't return. Mwah mwah, kisses~

Ah, the joys of cat parenthood. Days spent cuddling your little bundle of furry joy. That’s what your friends preached. That having a feline roommate was easy and rewarding. That you would benefit by having a cute and fuzzy companion that didn’t demand much of anything. That you would love your little kitty friend like a child. Well, either your friends were liars with questionable senses of humour, or you drew the short stick when it came to choosing a furry companion. And there’s always the possibility of it being both, what with having Ace as a friend and all, but you just hoped it was just your shit luck and not that you had shit friends.

Seriously, though, what higher power did you manage to piss off to deserve the royal hobgoblin of a cat you have? He has shit and pissed in your plants on several occasions. Demolished every single curtain he laid eyes on like he had a personal vendetta against them. Stole your breakfast off your plate right as you were about to take a bite. Puked on your last pair of good white shoes, which still had stains on them because they wouldn’t come out. The cherry on top of it all though was that he insists on yowling and crying in the middle of the damn night for no good reason. Rudely awaking you from the dead of sleep because he demanded attention. With how loud he was, you were surprised that you hadn’t gotten a noise complaint from any of your neighbours… yet. But then again, you could hear the upstairs neighbours’ children screaming bloody murder every so often — what were their names, the Clovers? They were probably so used to it that they threw you a bone, or they didn’t want extra grey hairs from filing a complaint to the landlord. So maybe Grim wasn’t all that bad, but he was still a gremlin child. 

“MROWWWWWW!!!!!” Ah, so tonight was no different then. Grim had decided that you needed to be woken up before even the birds started to sing, needed to be yanked out of the land of dreams. That whatever had caught the attention of his singular brain cell was more important than you recharging so you don’t accidentally say the wrong thing to your boss. Since last time you had slipped up and called him dad, even though no one in their right mind would leave him alone with a rutabaga unattended, and he went on a two-hour long monologue about how much of a kind and generous person he was for you to see him as a father figure. And your salary wasn’t high enough, nor would it ever be, to deal with his eccentric and maddening behaviour.

Maybe, just maybe, if you ignored him and stared at the ceiling long enough he would stop his caterwauling and go to sleep. “MROWWWW!!!!!” Apparently not.

Just one night, ONE NIGHT, of peace and quiet. PLEASE. But you knew that if you didn’t get up soon, he would get up on the bed and put his fluffy butt in your face… like he did last night and the night before that. Sighing, you begrudgingly got out of your cocoon of warm, fluffy, blankets, and hoped you would soon be back in them after dealing with Grim. Hopefully, he was just complaining about his food bowl not being as full as he would like it.

What was the time anyways? Three-thirty in the morning? Ugh, Grim! What did Ace say about it, ah, yes, “Primetime witching hour. Demons and all sorts of creepies” yada yada yada. But you didn’t pay any mind to him, as his annoying smug look would taunt you in your mind even though he was probably sound asleep, blissfully asleep. Something that you wanted to be doing, but woefully you were not.

Stepping out into the main living space, you shot the grey fuzzball the stink eye. “What the hell do you want? You absolute gremlin!” You hissed through gritted teeth, very much annoyed with your brat of a fur child and wanting nothing more than to crawl back to bed, hell, even the loveseat would suffice.  

The offending feline just trilled at you in response, and his tail vibrated, happy that you had come out to see him. How is he so cute but so annoying? He rubbed against your legs before trotting off to one of his hidey holes, which also served as his nest of your stolen socks. He has a weird obsession with socks. But he popped back out, holding something in his mouth. Something small and fuzzy that didn’t look like any of his toys.

“Prowwww,” he dropped it at your feet as if saying that catching whatever it was, was the equivalent to paying his share of rent. Which, it was very much not.

You closed your eyes and pinched your brow. Please be one of his toys. PLEASE be one of his toys. You chanted to yourself in your mind and then opened your eyes. Unfortunately, it was not one of his toys. The small, fuzzy thing in question seemed to be a mouse or some other kind of rodent. It was too late (too early?) for this, and quite frankly you didn’t have the brain power to confirm whatever the hell it was. All you knew was that it looked like a mouse, therefore it was a mouse.

“Is this what you’ve been screaming about this whole time? A mouse,” you sighed. Shaking your head, you went to the bathroom, grabbing some paper towel so you could at least put it outside for something else to eat, or go back to nature in some other way. It was better than just being left to decompose in the communal garbage bin. When you came back out though, it was nowhere to be seen. Now, either Grim decided to eat it like a good kitty cat, or, with your luck, it was still alive and was now running amuck in your apartment.

Grim’s chattering was coming from the kitchen now, and he was up on top of the fridge. It was running amuck in your apartment, how lovely.

“Why, why, are you like this?! Get down from there!” You really didn’t have the energy for this.

Grim just blinked at you before his eyes dilated. He leapt down from his perch on the fridge and was pawing at a corner by the window. Looking down and you couldn’t make out anything on the floor. But you had the oh-so-brilliant idea to look up toward the ceiling. The ‘mouse’ was very much alive, and wasn’t a mouse at all, since it was flying around and banging itself against the corner.

“YOU CAUGHT A FUCKING BAT?!”

He had indeed caught a fucking bat. And bats were normally fine, when they were outside. Not when they’re flying around your apartment at three o’clock in the morning and your cat is losing his goddamn mind trying to catch it. So no, this was very much not fine. 

The bat was about as pleased as you were with this whole situation and kept on flinging itself against the glass of the window, desperately trying to get back outside. How the hell did it get inside in the first place? That could be pondered on upon at a later time, as the first priority was getting it back outside.

“Don’t fly towards my head, bat. I’m just trying to get you back outside. You’re a nice bat, right? Nice bat, nice bat,” you whispered in a non-threatening tone. Could the flying mammal understand what you were saying? Mostly likely not. Hopefully it understood that you, unlike your cat, were trying to help and did not want some fresh bat as your late night snack tonight.

After what felt like forever fuddling with the window to open with a broom in hand, just in case the bat decided to dive bomb your head, you finally got the cursed thing open. 

Grabbing Grim, who was still trying to catch the bat for a second time tonight, you got back to your bedroom and locked the door shut. You hoped that the bat would take the hint that it now had a path to freedom, but only time, and a bit of sleep, would tell. Slumping against the door frame, you sighed and looked over at Grim. He was playing with the door stop, the boing, boingg, boinggg sounds filling in the quiet. Whether it was to amuse himself, or to annoy you was a fifty-fifty bet.

Just as you were about to crawl back under the covers a string of anxiety connected in your head. Shit, did Grim get bit? DAMMIT GRIM! After leaving a somewhat desperate and tired call to your vet’s voicemail, alongside an apology for the late call (early call?), you peeked outside to see if the bat was still flying around. According to Google, the bat should be tested for rabies. You did not trust your no brain cell having fluff ball to know better than to get bit by a possibly rabid bat. But it was gone, so yet again, you were out of luck.

You had enough with today, even though it had just really begun. Pulling up the covers, you sighed in the dark warmth of your blanket cocoon. Grim was busying himself by trying to pounce on your feet, but you ignored him, falling back to sleep and hoping that the rest of your day wouldn’t bring any more shenanigans, migraines, or small flying mammals.

…

…

…

By some miracle, you managed to get Grim to the vet the very same day. Your boss agreed to let you work from home because he is ever so kind and generous… It did help that one of the other higher-ups nearly nagged off his ear upon hearing about the condition of your cat. Even through the phone you could hear it, and could only imagine the spectacle it must have been. Oh well, you had the day off and that is what mattered… but you would be lying if you said that you didn’t cough out a laugh just imagining the scene on the other side of the phone.

You were relieved, Grim on the other hand was not having it. To be fair, you did trick him into his crate with some tuna. He made his disdain known to all though by crying the entire way there. You almost felt bad for him, almost being the key word. 

“You have no one to blame for this but yourself, ya know.” You huffed at him, feeling your shit sleep all too well. “Crying about it won’t help you any.”

Grim let out a pathetic little mew. His little, bright, blue eyes being the only visible part of him, which peered out miserably from the crate. Caving to the kitty manipulation, you poked your finger in as a peace offering. Grim booped his nose to your finger and then proceeded to nibble on it; such a vicious beast.

The vet visit went as well as you could hope it could, as Grim only tried to maim the vet a few times. Hey, it was an improvement from last time, as he had actually peed on them. So yes, trying to maim was vastly better than seeing your figurative child pee on the doctor. You’re pretty sure your vet didn’t go through years of schooling and thousands of dollars into debt just to get peed on by your unruly cat. But Grim was won over by the offering of that cat gogurt, his nose and stomach betraying him. Note to self, stock up on some of that stuff.

The rest of the visit went on without a hitch; he had some blood drawn, got his booster shot for rabies, and even managed to squeeze in a bonus nail trim. There was no evidence of any bite or puncture marks, so Grim by some miracle, did indeed have enough brain cells not to get bit.

“Grim will have to be watched for about forty-five days,” the vet hummed, checking Grim’s chart. “Since you don’t have any other animals it shouldn’t be too difficult to keep him in quarantine. If you see any symptoms be sure to bring him back, just in case.” They gave you a tired smile, and then turned that smile towards their cantankerous patient. “And thank you for deciding not to pee on me this time, Grim. I’m not so bad, see?”

Grim swatted at them, which was his answer to the vet’s question. In Grim’s book, the vet was that bad.

Ignoring his attitude, as you would whenever you came across a screaming toddler and exhausted parent while doing your grocery run, you turned back to your vet. “Thank you, and sorry for Grim. If it makes you feel any better, he’s just as much as a gremlin child at home as well.” At least today went better than last time.

The vet chuckled goodheartedly, “Don’t worry about it, I have more unruly patients than little Grim here.”

Damn, they have seen some shit, haven’t they? … Maybe I should, I don’t know, bring them a gift basket next time I’m in? Or maybe a gift card for a spa day or something??? You should really get them something for the amount of dry cleaning they probably needed to do.

With the visit over, and Grim having a clear bill of health, you shoved him back into his carrier with zero decorum, closing the door as fast as possible before he could escape and try to hide behind the counter like he did last time. I know your tricks, cat. Speaking of bills, the one that was waiting for you at the front desk was enough for you to point an icy glare at your unruly ward.

“You’re lucky that I love you, asshole.” And much like the vet you too got a swat as your thank you. Wonder if this is what the Clovers feel about their children? At least their kids didn’t wake them up in the middle of the night with a bat they caught… You shook your head, moving past those thoughts, and hauled your wailing cat back home.

…

...

By the time you got back to your place, it was just a little past noon. The rest of your day was wide open, and you didn’t really have anything else to do, since taking Grim to the vet was the most urgent of your tasks. Your place could benefit from some tidying, since your boss had recently been demanding more as of late and has been even less useful than he usually was… which was saying something. Seriously, how does he have his position? It was baffling. You swore you could hear his monologue playing on loop in your head whenever you thought of the man, which you tried to keep to a minimum for your own sanity… whatever little of it still remained that is.

Shaking your head to rid the annoying voice, you put on your favourite playlist and got to work. You took your time, putting away the dishes, vacuumed the main room, and even got rid of the dust on the high shelves. But your place was small, so it didn’t take very long for you to tidy up, and deep cleaning could wait for another day when you had enough energy to mentally and physically deal with that undertaking.

You knew that your email probably had a few messages, but it could wait. You weren’t on the clock and therefore didn’t have to check it. Only do the stuff you’re required to do when you get paid, it makes your downtime way more enjoyable.

But, you were bored. The cleaning helped with it, but with the majority of it done and the more intense stuff waiting for another day, you had nothing else to do. And while doom scrolling through social media may fill in the time, it too, was boring, predictable.

… There were two people though who were the exact opposite of boring and predictable. And yes, they did give you your fair share of migraines and questioning your life decisions more than you usually do, they were your best friends. And you were in need of having a movie night with them.

Opening up the group chat, you typed in a message.

| The Responsible One | You guys down for a movie night at my place tonight?

And almost immediately, Ace replied.

| Ginger, derogatory | depends  | ya got fiid?

Deuce responded shortly after.

| Mama’s Boi | Yeah, I’m down | What time? | . . . | And what’s fiid?

|The Responsible One | How does 6 sound?

| Ginger, derogatory | IT WAS A TYOP | *TYPO | I MEANT FOOD | F O O D

| Mama’s Boi | 6 works for me

| The Responsible One | I took a screenshot of that btw love you Ace | Thanks Deuce for actually giving me an answer. | What FIID do you guys want?

| Ginger, derogatory | FUCK YOU | … but yeah 6 works 4 me | any is cool with me

| The Responsible One | Yes yes, fuck you too Ace | Bring your own snacks it is then | See you guys at 6!

That gave you about ninety minutes to hide your good snacks, since the last time, Ace had made himself too comfortable and ate all your fancy treats that you paid way too much for. But like they say, you deserve to ‘treat yoself’ … Ace still owed you for those snacks though. They were fucking expensive, prick.

…

Ninety minutes didn’t take very long, but you managed to hide some of the mess that you hadn’t tackled in your bedroom; it could stand to wait. And the first of your dork friends arrived right on time, count on Deuce trying to be punctual… even if he was panting like he had run a marathon to make it.

“You know,” you sighed, “you didn’t have to sprint here.” You grabbed a glass, filled it with some ice water, and handed it over to your flushed and heaving friend. Please don’t pass out on me. “It’s not a race.”

Deuce took the glass and downed it, still catching his breath. He lifted up the tote bag he was carrying, “Mom made brownies.” A series of coughs escaped him, but he gave you a bashful smile and showed off the multiple Tupperware containers filled to the brim with still warm chocolatey divineness. “Didn’t want them to get cold! Oh! She also made extra for you too!”

He is such a sweetheart… but he’s also pretty dense at times, still a sweetie though. You could have just warmed them back up in the microwave — yes, they weren’t the same as fresh from the oven, but still — you didn’t have the heart to tell Deuce that though. He looked so proud that he made it on time and that the brownies were still warm. What did you do to deserve Deuce as a friend? 

“Also,” he fished around the tote bag, “I brought extra popcorn, since we ate all of yours last time.” And he pulled out an unopened bag of popcorn, the bashful smile turning bright.

Deuce took a step forward, but stopped and backpedalled, taking off his shoes. After he set them neatly by the door, he made his way to the kitchen, and set all of his assorted belongings on the meagre counter space. Once he unloaded the tasty cargo, he made his way over to your loveseat, which had seen better days, and sat down, getting comfortable.

He was looking at you, and there was a little crease in between his eyebrows. Deuce only wore that look when he was worried. “Are you feeling okay? You seem a bit… off.” 

You gave him a tired smile, “Meh. Tired, stressed, not enough money. You know, the usual.” You noticed that his frown was only deepening, so you took a seat next to him and patted his shoulder. “Seriously, Deuce, I’m okay. Plus you got enough on your own plate without worrying about me. I’m going to be fine.”

Deuce pursed his lips, but let out a long sigh, accepting your answer without much fuss. You were capable of dealing with whatever it was, he knew that. You were one of the most capable, and stubborn, people that he knew. You would be fine in the end. “Whose turn is it to pick the movie this time?” He asked, stretching out, trying not to bump into you.

“Hmm, your turn actually,” you hummed. “But–”

Bzz! Bzzz! BZZZ! Someone was buzzing your door, repeatedly pushing at the button. Only one person you know did that. BZZZZZZZZ! And he wouldn’t let up until you answered the door.

Groaning, you got out of your spot and peaked through the peephole. On the other side was none other than Ace, who’s leg was bouncing and he kept on pushing your damn buzzer.

You only opened the door when he decided to lean on it, making him almost fall… almost. Maybe next time would be the day where you would see him eat dirt. “Happy you could join us on this lovely evening,” you drawl, doing a little bow.

Ace rolled his eyes at you, “Seriously? Feeling petty tonight I see.” He too took off his shoes, since the last time he wore them in and tracked in mud from outside, you made him clean it up. He learned his lesson that day, and really didn’t feel like cleaning your floor again.

You smiled at him, “Yeah, yeah I am~” You dropped the smile and went back to your comfy spot beside Deuce. “Also,” you turned around right as Ace was about to plunder your fridge. You glared at him, and he backed off, giving you a sheepish look. “Don’t even think about stealing my food, there’s popcorn and you have food at your home. Unless you want to start paying for my groceries, stick to what’s on the counter.”

Closing the fridge, Ace busied himself by making himself some popcorn, and sneaking a brownie or two in his mouth as he waited for the microwave to finish making his treat. While he was busy in the kitchen, you and Deuce were slowly going through the seemingly endless catalogue of movies. 

“What are we even watching tonight? There’s no special occasion,” Ace mused, sitting on the counter, swinging his legs back and forth. “Action? Horror? Sci-fi? Perhaps,” he paused and made a kissy face, “romance?~”

You stared at him, until he dropped the kissy face. “Never do that again,” you deadpanned, turning back to the screen. “Found something?”

Deuce was hovering over a title, Labyrinth. “Can we watch this? Mom said it was one of her favourites when she was a kid.”

Ace plopped into the armchair, and started chowing down on his fresh popcorn. “Dude, your mom probs just had the hots for, uhhh, Jared? Or whatever his name is.”

You threw a pillow at him, but missed unfortunately, and Ace flipped you off. “First off, Ace, his name is Jareth not Jared. And yeah, we can watch it,” you said, stretching back and getting into prime comfortable blob position. Oh yeah, you weren’t getting back up. 

Once Deuce got up and brought some snacks back in, you started the movie. And damn, these brownies are divine. You really needed to ask Ms. Spade for her recipe. The popcorn was decent, overall meh, but the brownies! THE BROWNIES!!!

You all settled down after being rationed your snacks, and you pressed play. Ace and Deuce both nearly choked on popcorn when Jareth appeared.

“WHY ARE HIS PANTS SO TIGHT?!” They both choked in unison. 

You just rolled your eyes and ignored them, trying to focus on the movie. Other than you nearly having to do the Heimlich manoeuvre on the both of them, the movie continued without incident, until a certain gremlin decided to start crying right as Magic Dance began playing. Seriously Grim, must you choose the most inopportune time to act like Toby does in the movie? But that’s life with a cat.

You paused the movie and looked at Deuce. You were in prime comfortable blob mode, you weren’t getting up. Deuce patted you on the shoulder and went to go see what on Earth Grim was screaming about. Ace just continued to scarf back brownies, thank goodness you hid some away before he got here, or else you wouldn’t have any come tomorrow.

But Deuce came running back out of your room, since that was where Grim was. And you were about to question why he looked like he’d just seen a ghost when something blurred right past him; something small, fuzzy, and flying.

The damn bat is back?! Yeah, you definitely felt like you were cursed.

Now, you could either get up and deal with the bat, since Deuce was just trying to shoo it outside the window with a mop and Ace was screaming much like Grim was, or you could stay warm and comfy and hide under the blanket, pretending that this wasn’t your waking reality…

Option B was really tempting right now, to be honest. Sighing, you got up, massaged your temples to collect yourself, before arming yourself with a broom yet again. Grim has his rabies vaccine, you don’t, so you weren’t taking any chances.

“WHY IS THERE A BAT IN YOUR APARTMENT?!” Ace hissed, ducking as the bat swooped near him.

You opened the window right open, almost threatening to take it off its bearings, “Because the universe hates me, that’s why!” Was it dramatic? Yes. Did it contain a seed of truth? Yes. So that’s what you went with. Was it really an exaggeration though? In the past twenty-four hours it really felt like the universe was sending you a personal ‘Fuck You ♡ ' letter with a kiss mark on the envelope.

You and Deuce tried to work together as a team to coax the bat outside. Come on, the window is wide open. Come on bat, get your fuzzy ass out of my place. 

All that was happening though, was some scene that belonged in a Three Stooges act. With Ace and Grim screeching — yes they counted as one collective unit — Deuce trying his best, but not getting anywhere, and you feeling like you were about to explode from the stress and noise. Even on an impromptu day off, you didn’t get a break, not really.

Getting whisked away by the Goblin King is looking real appealing right now. The bat swooped down close to you, and your instincts kicked in and you swung at it, making it crash land into your coffee table, right into the popcorn. And alongside the popcorn getting spilled everywhere, there was also a poof of green sparkles.

When the green sparkles subsided, there was a strange person with long black hair and red streaks, wearing something that looked straight out of a Ren Faire, and he was standing on your table. The strange man looked straight at you, and you looked back, blinking fast. Did Ms. Spade give us a different kind of brownie? Or is this actually happening?

He snapped his fingers, and you watched as he slowly disappeared into another poof of green sparkles. You were backing up, since hey there was a stranger in your place out of nowhere, but thanks to your shit luck, you tripped over your own feet, tumbling into them. And as the green poof subsided, both you, and the stranger, were nowhere to be seen. Leaving a very confused Ace, Deuce, and Grim to wonder what the hell happened to you.

And honestly? You were thinking the same. Where the FUCK am I?!

...

...

...

...

Tags; @busycloudy, @eynnwwyjth, @identity-theft-101, @ithseem, @krenenbaker, @ryker-writes, @twistwonderlanddevotee, @xxoomiii

~~~~~~~

Author's Note; And I'm finally showing this to the world, after months of collecting dust in my Google Docs. I have no idea how long this fic will go on for, and the length may be dictated by how much feedback and interaction this gets, so yeah. General rating for this is Teen but might change in the future; I won't tag people if that happens though, cuz, yeah.

If you enjoyed this story, and want to read more of my stuff while I slowly work on more installments to this fic, check out my masterlist! Please ignore any spelling mistakes, I write and die with no beta.

[madamvanrouge]

Vil Schoenheit As Your Boyfriend

↠ When you started dating Vil, everyone's treatment of you is bound to change. You're now treated as a celebrity as well, and Cater hounds you for pictures.

↠Vil already knew you would get popular on dating him, and helps set clear boundaries so people don't overstep their familiarity with you or use you in any way to get closer to Vil.

↠Don't worry, Vil, being the perfect embodiment of the Evil Queen's spirit of tenacity, will be there at your side. Someone asks for too many selfies from you? Someone's getting too close for comfort? He'll be at your side in an instant and tell the person rude enough to disturb his partner to get lost in an instant.

↠Vil's love language [giving] is quality time and acts of service. He loves spending time with his partner, making memories that are bound to last a lifetime. He has a busy schedule? Don't worry, he'll still take some time off to see you. If he's too busy, he might ask you to come help him with work or atleast join him for a meal. He's attached to you too much, don't blame him. He will make time for you no matter how busy he is. You are his first priority [mostly]. Vil loves providing for his partner with acts of service. Expect the spa treatment whenever Vil gets his hands on you and a nice, relaxing movie date while you snuggle together with hot chocolate in your matching cups. (<3)

↠Vil's love languages [receiving] are words of affirmation and acts of service. The queen loves being told of his beauty, not just from his followers and admirers, but especially from you. The words you give Vil are so much more precious to his heart than any other, so be sure to praise him and do his hair for him gently (don't worry, he'll teach you how if you don't know) while letting him know how well he's done, how proud you are of him. Even if you just bring him a simple lunch or drink after he's had a long day, the queen of Pomefiore will become eager to wrap you in his affection, wishing to shower you with kisses and hugs.

↠Vil will definitely take you to meet his dad during the dating period. Vil's dad is really chill and supportive. He's glad Vil found someone he can share his life with, and only wishes the best for you two. He sees you as another child, and takes you and Vil out for fun family outings whenever your schedules manage to match.

↠Vil isn't averse to cuddling, he mostly prefers cuddling at night because during the day, it might give his clothes wrinkles or make his hair messy, which is not something he prefers. Of course, if you're going through a rough spot, morals be damned, he'll cuddle you for hours if needed, get Rook to prepare you a bath and your favourite drink, and massage you himself as you tell him what happened.

↠Vil is not very jealous as a partner. He's very self assured but if he spots you getting too physically friendly with someone (or if he sees you with Neige), he'll immediately intervene with a professional smile, pull you towards him and change the subject if necessary. Later, he'll sulk about it and demand for kisses.

↠Vil will hug his phone like a highschool girl after mushy, fluffy texts. He also has a tendency to scream like a highschool girl in private if you agree for a date or if he's super happy that you planned something together. Bless Rook's ears, he's always listening.

↠ Vil's kisses are usually slow and gentle, the type that leave you with a lingering feeling of euphoria long after the kiss has been broken. His lips are always soft and hued with lipstick, which you might have to fix for him if it gets smudged after a kiss.

↠Vil's hugs are long-lasting in private, he loves embracing you and feeling you in his arms, as you relax together. In public, he refrains from anything more than holding hands or cheek kisses.

↠Epel is now your and Vil's gremlin child who will constantly seek your protection when Vil is out for his blood. Good luck.

[muertawrites]

Cheaper by the Dozen (Eddie Munson x Reader)

Summary: idk just Eddie being a dad to his adoptive child Dustin

Author’s Note: i adore the idea of eddie and reader being surrogate siblings / parents to dustin and the other geeks. i don’t want kids but i’ll be real bummed if i don’t get to be the cool aunt at some point in my life. eddie and reader are aged up because i’m 26 and need a man with a fully developed frontal lobe. (unrelated side note: i’m a redhead and i would literally melt into a puddle if eddie regularly called me “red” like he did max. muerta.exe has stopped working.)

Dustin was a good kid. A great kid. Spending time with him, watching him grow up from the little boy you used to babysit on weeknights into the snarky, slightly larger boy he now was made you happier than you'd ever let him know (his ego was already huge and you didn't want to inflate it).

There were just days when you wished he'd leave you the hell alone.

Your closeness with Dustin wasn't helped by the fact that he was also super close with your boyfriend, Eddie. Ever since joining the Dungeons and Dragons club for teens Eddie ran as a volunteer at the Hawkins Library ("See, you're not as scary as you look. You're soft and gooey on the inside." "Shut up. I'm metal as fuck." "You're so cute when you're grumpy." "Babe, please. Let me have this."), Dustin was attached at his hip, adopting him as a surrogate brother the way he'd done you as a sister. It was nice getting to hang with both of them, joking with Eddie about already having a kid together and who would get custody if you were to ever break up, but Dustin sometimes had a hard time with boundaries.

Like this morning, when he stormed into Eddie's bedroom, rudely waking you both from a peaceful slumber.

"What are you guys still doing in bed?" he demanded, pulling up the blinds to let in the morning sunlight. "We've gotta get going!"

Eddie groaned, reaching for the blanket and pulling it over your heads. Dustin ripped it back down, to which Eddie responded with a string of curses.

"Dustin, you should really stop walking in on us," you grumbled. You opened your eyes just enough to look at him, squinting through the haze of your grogginess. "We have sex in here. Is Eddie's bare ass really something you want burned in your memory?"

"You never complain about it," Eddie mumbled. You pinched the softness of his stomach, to which he grinned, eyes still shut.

"This is important," Dustin argued. "It's Hellfire's Six Flags day! Mike and Lucas are waiting outside."

Eddie raised his wrist to check his watch, squashing you between his arm and chest. He sighed.

"It's seven in the morning, dude. We don't leave until eleven."

"We've gotta talk strategy. Which coasters we ride and what order we ride them in could make or break our experience."

"He's got a point," you yawned into Eddie's t-shirt. "If you don't plan your meals right, he'll puke."

Eddie ignored your advice, opting instead to hug you closer, his arms wrapping around you in a protective cocoon to block out the light and noise Dustin wreaked upon you.

"Mommy and daddy are sleeping," he dismissed. "Go play outside."

Dustin scoffed.

"Can we at least hang out inside while we wait, or are you gonna be gross back here?"

"Nah, we don't need any more kids," Eddie deadpanned. "You guys can come in. Just shut up and don't touch my stuff."

Dustin sprinted from the room, rattling the floor as he went. A few moments later, the chaos of three teenage boys rumbled through the trailer, making it impossible for you to fall back asleep. Eddie growled in frustration, stubbornly pulling the blankets up around you once again.

"We remembered to get condoms, yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because I'll be damned if I ever spawn a little gremlin like that."

You giggled, pressing a kiss to his chin and savoring the scratch of his stubble against your lips.

"I dunno," you teased. "I kind of like the idea of calling you 'daddy'."

Eddie hummed, a devilish grin curling across his handsomely round cheeks. He kissed you, playfully pulling your lower lip between his teeth. 

“You think if we’re loud enough they’ll fuck off?” he wonders wantonly, hands roving up and down your body. You laugh. 

“Not in front of the kids, Eddie.” 

🌹💀get your eddie fix💀🌹

[bitterrobin]

I see a lot of confusion on why calling Damian Wayne "feral" is racist/problematic, so here's a rundown.

There's a difference between calling your child or your younger sibling "feral" and calling a character like Damian "feral." You know your child/sibling/niece/nephew etc. They're real people, and unless they have a problem with it personally, then there's nothing wrong with calling them feral as a joke. It doesn't (shouldn't) affect their perceptions by other people. It doesn't become a label that follows them.

Damian al Ghul-Wayne is a fictional character. A canonically mixed Arab/Chinese/Jewish White character with a history connected to some of the most prominent Arab comic book characters, who themselves also get insanely mischaracterized.

He's constantly whitewashed. He's been written with racist undertones (the suicide bomber vest). He's had his character development and progress backtracked time and time again by DC. DC treats him weirdly most days and completely shitty in the worst stories.

A good majority of fanon hasn't done any better than DC. You cannot pat yourselves on the back for being more inclusive or mental health aware than DC when you call a mixed Arab/Chinese boy "feral". It's constant. You can come up with various titles and nuances for every Bat-character, for every Robin.

Tim can be smart, a skater, a genius, the one holding everyone together, the little brother, the one who needs love. Jason can be cool, morally "right" or "wrong", unstable, PTSD-stricken, the one who was betrayed, the one with Shakespearean tragedies. Dick can be fun, happy, the first one, the prodigal son, the one with complicated history and the big brother.

You give them room for exploration. Love and care and attention and research. Many headcanons. You either comply with canon or you don't, but there's substance to their character.

What does Damian get? He's feral. He's rabid. He's a gremlin. He can't be reasoned with. He has no self-control, he's impulsive. He's hurt others, and you can't forgive it. Sometimes he's homophobic. Or classist. Or plain mean and rude to your favorite boy. He's always carrying a sword. A psychopath with no regard for another's well-being (usually Tim in a lot of fics). He can't be taught what's right.

I've seen people cry that Damian needs to punished or kicked out or treated the same way he's treated others. He needs to be brutalized or talked down to. He can never grow as a person, because he's mean to Tim or Jason, and you need him to exist as the abuser. His first move is always violent.

Fanon compares him to an animal often; he bites, claws, hisses, growls. Bruce or Dick or Jason or Tim have to wrangle him, tame him, civilize him the white man's way in lieu of his brown mother and grandfather who "clearly" raised him wrong. You don't see the issue with that? The issue with always labeling one of the few major brown characters in Batman comics as the unreasonable animal? That the child of color is always the abuser, the instigator, to older characters?

And even if you don't see him this way, you don't write him this way - then are you giving him the care and attention you give for other Bat characters?

Do you know anything else about him other than his "anger"? Because he isn't always angry. In fact, he's typically well-mannered. Quiet even, when he's not being provoked. DC's writing will always vary but whenever Damian lashes out, he's usually written with a reason to act the way he does.

Are you making him intelligent like he should be? A hard believer in redemption? A neglected and abused child who isn't meek or crying or closes himself within? Are you willing to explore that he's always exhibited the "wrong" kind of trauma responses - lashing out, being snippy, ruining relationships, refusing to admit weakness?

Do you write anything about him without making his mother and grandfather comically abusive and violent? Will you give him the supporting cast/friends he actually has? Can you write his dad/siblings interacting with him without making them white saviors or therapy pets? Can you write him without a ship or his love for animals or being vegetarian overshadowing everything?

Is he a character to you at all other than a glorified plot device with a sharp tongue and the convenience of being violent?

[junespriince]

Hal: weird, you're not afraid of bats, I mean Barry wasn't as afraid but you know he had the manners to not say it out loud what he's thinking about.

Wally: wow, speedsters being different from other speedster, it almost like we're different people with different personalities and such.

Hal: rude... Barry never act like this.

Wally: hold on, *looks through his lunch bag* oh, would you look at that, out of fucks to give.

Oliver: well, Mr. Sass, can I ask you a question.

Wally: I don't know, can you?

Oliver: damn, really shouldn't have let you get corrupted by Roy.

Wally: wrong, I always been this way. Just aged, like a fine wine.

Oliver: ... I mean Barry was horrible, but you're worse than him.

Wally: yeah, because he's not my blood dad, I take after my momma.

Oliver: Mary?

Wally: Iris.

Oliver:

Oliver: yeah I see it, anything that's not my question, my question is why ain't you scared of him or creeped out at least.

Wally: easy, I saw his ditsy civilian persona, how the hell am I supposed to be scared of that? Hm? I can't be, all I see is a emo furry ditz with a punching problem.

Oliver: well, how do you feel about this Diana? Someone bullying your mans

Diana: well, let's see, my love how do you feel getting bullied by your son-in-law in front of your teammates?

Bruce, grumbling: horrible.

Diana, smiles and cheerful: I love it then.

Clark, sighing: dia, give Bruce a break, he has gremlin children he needs a break.

Wally: he doesn't deserve a break, not after he took one of his child's own mantle away from him, but we don't have to unpack that small rock in your fucky wucky quarry now.

Arthur: I thought this meeting was about the rate of high level crimes spiking...

Martian: Aquaman, shut up I'm enjoying our new flash bullying Batman.

[lolasimms]

what if Abby and Reader had toddlers, twins? a boy and a girl? Abby with her day off taking care of them, until late night! dinner bath time and all before other mom gets home? ❤️‍🩹

“Do you have to go?”

You hummed , closing the backseat door after you placed your bags down. It had been many months since you had spent a girl’ night with your friends. Not since the twins had turned 2 at-least. And today was Abby’s day off from the hospital, so you’d told your friends you were free to hang.

“Yes,” you rolled your eyes, buckling yourself into the front seat. Sparing a glance to the side of the car, where Abby stood holding a sleeping, Lila. “I RSVP’d, it would be rude not to show up, and it’s been months since I’ve hung out with the girls.”

Her heavy hand fell on your thigh, thumb rubbing circles on your bare skin. Pushing up your black dress so she could feel the hem of your panties. You set your hand down, sighing contently at the contact. Eventually pushing her hands away, you knew what she was trying to do. It wouldn’t work though, you were set on going out tonight.

“Abs, it’s not going to happen. Now go inside please, I’ll be back after bedtime.”

“Fine, love you.” She groans, closing you door shut and then makes her way back into the house with Lila still sleeping in her arms.

—♡—

As much as she loved the babies, Abby wished she could be some place else right now. They’d both been a nightmare ever since nap time had ended and refused to sit still for more than five minutes. Part of her wanted to give up and call you home for help, but she knew you deserved some time away from the demons, even if it meant she’d end her night with a brain aneurysm.

The twins had been fighting non stop since you’d left and Abby knew she’d have to seperate them. That however took a lot of bribery on her end. And by the end she’d given them half a pack of liquorice. So here she was, heating up dinner while Lila coloured in a princess on the kitchen island, quiet as ever. Whereas Levi was playing with his toys in the nook. She’s however interrupted from the peace when she notices Levi causing chaos in the breakfast nook.

“Hey- Hey!! Put the vase down, now!” Abby yells, racing around the island to grab the very fragile vase that was now in the hands of her wobbly two year old son.

“Momma no” Levi yells, pulling onto Abby’s legs. His failed attempt at trying to get the vase back. She places it on a high shelf and then lifts the child up with one arm, dragging him into his high chair.

“Alright, you two gremlins are eating dinner, having a bath and going to sleep. Heard?”

“Heard.” “Heard momma.” They both yell, excitedly bouncing in their chairs, full of energy. She was starting to regret bribing them with all that candy.

Dinner had gone fairly well, if you ignored the array of vegetables that had been thrown on the floor, and the pasta smeared all over the twins’ clothes. Abby knew your days at home with them were taxing but this was a whole new level of exhausting, they were a handful.

“Momma, Levi put his hands on the wall!” She hears Lila yell as she’s loading up the dishwasher.

“No I didn’t, Lila did!” Abby’s met with horror when she sees four red handprints on the very white kitchen walls. Apart of her was seething but also relived it was just tile.

“Alright both of you rats, upstairs now. I want you in the bathroom ready for your baths.” The two of them both toddle off, tiny feet pitter pattering against the floor. She sighs, grabbing a disinfectant wipe and begins cleaning the stained walls before you got the chance to see it and potentially kill her and the twins.

—♡—

Bath time was kicked into gear and both babies were splashing around in the bath. Abby was sitting on the edge of the bath, smiling as they sat up, splashing around in the water and incoherently yelling. She lathered up their baby loofas with baby shampoo before you she began gently rubbing it into their locks. Immediately, the twin’ yelling subsided, and both of their eyes closed as she massaged the shampoo into her scalp.

This was their favorite part about bath-time with momma. She cleaned them up with their baby soap and she could tell Lila was getting tired, she was the twin who always fell asleep first. She was just like you, in that she loved to be rubbed and massaged. She stood both babies up quickly, and then you drained the bath tub.

She swaddled Lila in a little towel and rested her on her on the bath mat, before turning around and doing the same to Levi. They were both quiet for once, seeing as they were on the verge of sleep, and their teeth clattered from the cold.

“Alright babies, let’s get you guys in your pjs” She smiles, placing kisses on their tired, wet faces. They both squeal in delight as she tickles them slightly, then leads them to their shared nursery. They’re both splayed out on their bean bags, wrapped up in their towels as she rummages through their dresser.

“Momma, can I have my doggy pyjamas?” She hears Levi ask from behind her.

“If I can find them sweetie, why do you guys have so many clothes anyways?”

“I don’t know” He mumbles.

Finally after a few minutes she’s victorious in finding their pyjamas. Once the babies are smothered in lotion, bundled up in their pj’s and tucked in bed, Abby races downstairs to grab them their bottles.

“Bottle for Levi, and one for Lila.” She places them inside their cribs and the both mumble quiet “thank you momma’s”

“Your welcome babies, now goodnight.” She places kisses on both their foreheads and then exhales as she shuts their door closed. She’d make a reminder to buy you something nice, after experiencing just one day of what your everyday felt like.

—♡—

“Hey baby.” You toe off your pumps, before walking over to your wife who’s making grabby hands at you. She’s sat on the sofa and immediately cages you into her toned arms.

“I missed you mommy.” She squeezes you tight, causing you to let out a surprised yelp.

“I was gone for 4 hours, honey.” You smile at her, as she makes the cutest pouty face you’d ever seen. Immediately you pepper little kisses all over her neck.

“Never letting you go again, your staying with me.” She’s acting all pouty and whiny, squishing you so hard that you could feel the air leaving your body.

“Enough Abs, how were my babies?” She huffs and then playfully rolls her eyes.

“You mean those demons? They were a handful until bath-time, then they started acting all cute and innocent.”

“Don’t call my babies demons, you little bitch.” She gasps in surprise and then grabs you by the waist, effortlessly slinging you over her shoulder and carrying you up the stairs.

“Abs put me down!!!” You whisper yell, so as not to wake the babies, but she simply laughs and continues.

“Mommy wants to call me a bitch, so I’ve got to teach her a lesson.”

[mintaikcorpse]

Why Stolas likes Blitzø

(Continuation of this post. Tldr ar the end bcuz this is long.)

Yes, Ik how they first saw each other after 25 years. Yes, ik it could have started as lust that turned into love. Yes, it's an escape from his shitty marriage. Yes, it's probably Stolas loving sterotypical romance tropes. BUT, I think that there's more than meets the eye.

(Also, when I talk about Stolas meeting Blitzø, assume it's after the 25 years unless I specify it's when they were kids)

I think Stolas likes Blitzø for how different he is than what he's seen in his life. Blitzø is loud, outgoing, confident, and just an overall gremlin. He also doesn't hide his negative traits. He's rude and literally just screams about how much he dislikes something. He's not afraid to tell people to shut it when he's sick of them. Compare that to Stolas's life, where he just learns to internalize shit and accept life as it is while following all these weird-ass royalty standards.

And listen. In my "Why Blitzø Likes Stolas" post, I said that a major reason that Blitzø likes him is because he's dramatic and wears his heart on his sleeve. But that's Stolas when he's with the people he cares about, like Blitzø and Octavia. In his regular life, Stolas is a reserved, quiet introvert who's used to other Goetia's shitting on him all the time. Before he met Blitzø, he just took people's shit and was awkward when it came to voicing what he wanted (he literally stuttered 😭). And then, he met Blitzø, who was loud and confident and came across as not caring what people thought (we know he cares a bit bcuz he looked self conscious when in the room with other Goetia's, but Stolas didn't know that). And he was really forward with what he wanted as well, which Stolas never even considered that he was allowed to do. Going back to when he was a child (bcuz this shit always starts when your young and stupid), Stolas literally cried when he realized he was going to marry Stella, and instead of Paimon listening to him to see why, he just distracted him by taking him to The Circus. Distracting your saddness and anger with other things, amiright? This is how alcohol addictions start, gang). This just shows how Blitzø being really confident and forward was just- not something Stolas was used to in his life!

Stolas probably likes how rude Blitzø is as well, if that makes sense. Like I said, Stolas grew up in royalty, and being polite is a huge thing, but being polite can just turn into being a doormat. And, I'm sure all Blitzø lovers noticed this, but he's litterally so rude. Like, he's a secret softy, but he's rude. He screams at Moxxie whenever he gets. He plays loud music and badly sings along with his employees in the car. Stolas litterally heard Blitzø insult Moxxie just because he could (S2 Episode 2, Seeing Stars). And yes, this is a negative trait, but I still think Stolas likes it a bit bcuz, let's be real here, he was a fucking doormat, and he admires Blitzø for just openly being rude.

Edit: One person pointed out that the reason Stolas responds positively to Blitzø's rudeness and insults but negatively to Stella's is because Stella means to be awful while Blitzø insults him out of love (Truth Seekers as evidence)

They also both have a weird fucked up sense of humor. Stolas is the only one to laugh at Blitzø's joke at the Circus when talking about the "gross worm horse," because it was scientifically correct (I love this guy), and he's the only one to laugh at his jokes in Seeing Stars, despite them being incredibly violent ("And then that BITCH *something something, I don't remeber the exact quote and i dont feel like checking* SHATTERED HER SKULL! There was Blood everywhere!"), and Stolas is laughing like it's the funniest thing he's heard because there probably WAS blood everywhere! And let's be real here, laughing at his jokes is a BIG sign that someone likes someone in media.

Okay, imma bring this up. Yes, Stolas had a crush on Blitzø when they were kids. Yes it was cute. Yes, his blushing was adorable. BUT, kids have crushes differently than teenagers and adults. In elementary school, a girl I knew had a crush on a boy because he had a cool shirt. Stolas probably started having a crush on Blitzø because his doll was an imp, and Stolas was mostly raised by the imp butler, so he found comfort in imps. I wouldn't call that fetishization just yet, bcuz he was just a kid, but I just want to point it out. And while I do think this, I think he also started liking Blitzø as a kid because he thought he was funny and fun to hang out with.

Also, Blitzø is just- silly! He likes bad jokes. He sticks his tongue out when he's being a troll. He loves horses and draws them all the time- even drawing Stolas & Via as horses and giving it to Stolas as a gift (I'm not making this up, this was from Blitzø's twitch because he had that)

He makes goofy faces all the time. His eyes dilate when he's happy. He loves games. He follows the "Byeeeeee <3" trend in cartoons. He likes playing with stickers. He likes going to the park and playing with the horse toys 😭

And going back to the "He grew up in royalty thing where he had to fit rigid social standards," thing, all of this would just be cute quirks to Stolas bcuz he's not used to it! He admires Blitzø a lot just because of how much of himself he is!

Blitzø is also really brave (reckless depending on who you ask, but we're on Stolas's perspective here!). Blitzø, the lowest denizen of Hell, scaled the walls of a literal Goetia prince bcuz he wanted to fuck him (again, Stolas's perspective). His business is about going to Earth, something implied to be illlegal if you don't have permission from a higher up, to kill people. He's litterally an assassin and skilled in combat. And, if you haven't figured it out by now, a lot of crushes start by admiring the traits that you don't have (how we all confused gender envy with crushes, lmao). And while I'd argue that Stolas is pretty brave now (going full demon mode on Earth, still standing his ground when Striker was threatening him, "THAT WAS THE SOUND OF A FUCKING DIVORCE!"), he wasn't when he met Blitzø. I already talked about him being a doormat, so I won't talk about it again, but we all know how he was.

And, my favorite thing about romantic ships, ✨️The Connection✨️. Blitzø and Stolas spend a lot of time together on the Full Moon, and sometimes not even all the Full Moon. A basic thing of BDSM etiquette is after care and making sure your partner is okay. And, knowing Stolas's romantic heart, he probably fell harder during the aftercare, where they had to care for each other and talk about stuff. Honestly, I wish they showed the aftercare in the show bcuz I feel like it could add so much more context to their relationship. VIVZIE, PLEASE!

I've been keeping this mostly PG13, but yes, they are very sexually compatible, which Stolas has literally never felt until sleeping with Blitzø.

Blitzø is also just a very loving person. He doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve like Stolas, but when he likes something, he lets everyone know . He loves his daughter and is super affectionate with her. He loves his business and his employees, and he likes getting to know them and doing fun stuff with them (Harvest Moon festival). Like said before, he loves horses and draws them all the time and carries little horse toys with him everywhere. Like, THIS IS HIS FACE WHEN HIM AND STOLAS MADE HORSES OUT OF CANDLE WAX TOGETHER. It's so cute!

Stolas grew up litterally being told, "Excitement is unbecoming of a Goetia" (S2, episode 1, The Circus), and Blitzø is literally excited a bunch of the time. Honestly, I think it's really sweet that they both like each other for the emotion they show.

Oh! This too! Bryce Pinkham said that Blitzø is "someone that Stolas fan truly be himself around."

Stolas doesn't feel like he has to put an act on around Blitzø. Notice how he's a lot more open and theatrical around Blitzø, and he's not afraid to get dressed up (he never got dressed up for the Gortia parties other than his basic outfit, lol). He's goofy and flirty with him and acts really excited and affectionate and smiley and just- overall a lot more comfortable! Compare that to when he's with the other people, where he's more reserved and quiet ang goes along with whatever. Yes, The Goetia party, but that's with people he hated. Compare it to how he was when he was helping Ozzie. Yes, you could argue that he was nervous about the Asmodean crystal and Fizz, but it's still a noticeable change. He's quiet and seems stiffer than when he is with Blitzø.

(The only other person he is open with like he is with Blitzø is Via, and he also loves Via. Honestly, he's just a really outgoing person with the people he loves/feels comfortable around).

Idk what else to say. I've been typing this shot for 2 hours straight. Enjoy my weird Ted talk about a kinky owl demon. If you have anything you'd like to add, please tell me, I'd love to hear it!

Tldr; Stolas likes Blitzø because he's different than what he's used to, he's confident, he's himself, they both have a weird fucked up sense of humor, he's brave, he's silly, they have a connection past sex, they're very sexually compatible, Blitzø is a very loving snd passionate person, and Stolas can be himself around him.

Okay, extremely dumb thing that doesn't matter, but did you know Barn Owls are attracted to Barn Owls with a lot of spots? Please note that Blitzø's scars made him have a lot of spots around his body. This person also went over gay barn Owls courtship and its litterally how Stolas and Blitzø first slept together, I can't stand this show sometimes 😭

[genderfluid-insomniac]

yandere!idol!scara, perhaps? imagine being his biggest fan and being unaware that your oshi/bias is stalking you … he loves you way too much … you may be obsessed with him, but he's even more obsessed with you …

he would also be in a group with signora, childe, and dottore!

yandere!idol!scaramouche x reader

Scara has met you at meet and greets and you’ve both been talking back and forth for a while whenever he has off time, inviting you to every concert that’s near you and if you can make it flying you to venues so you can stay in a hotel near him. At first, you didn’t believe you were actually talking or interacting with the idol but when you got pulled aside after your first show by security (after they assured you you weren’t in trouble) to backstage where you saw the band Harbingers.

Briefly catching the glances of the lead vocalist and pianist La Signora and Il Dottore who both gave you a once over with an uncaring eye. The guard brought you to Scaramouche’s dressing room and knocked on the door, letting you in with a soft voice, “Bring them in.” Revealing your favorite idol facing away from you, wiping his makeup off, and pulling his hair back to smirk at you.

Since then you’ve become very close and he’s even told you his real name was Kunikuzushi but to call him Kuni, handing you his phone and sending a wink your way. “Put your number in so we can talk. The others are miserable to talk to away.” After that you both talked every day with Kuni often greeting you in the morning rudely and “begging” you go to sleep so you’d stop talking to him (please don’t he loves it).

Does his best to keep you away from the others especially Childe since he’s more likely to see you giving Kuni attention and try to screw with him or flirt with you, meanwhile the violet-haired idol is slowly losing the battle of self-control to not beat the shit of Childe because he doesn’t wanna scare you away. Dottore is someone who tries to reveal to you that Scaramouche has indeed stalked you and dug on the deep web to find out anything he could about you but Il Dottore gets a string full of curses instead from the angry gremlin as he pulls you away in hand.

Tries his best to get himself invited to your home without it seeming creepy and is even more excited internally when he sees that your walls are covered in posters and Kerch of him (spotting a signed photo card of him and he’s now desperately trying to remember when he saw you). Smirks at your embarrassed reaction upon forgetting that your room was still covered in the mercy of the person currently inside it and laughs it off, complimenting you (with some mockery and teasing) on being such a dedicated fan.

Is mentally analyzing you to figure out the best possible way to ask you out with complete success and observing every one of your signs when you’re flustered or infatuated. Kuni already has you wrapped around his finger like he wants but doesn’t recognize that he’s also wrapped around yours (truly made for each other).

[oreo-oro-orero]

I always find it weird when some people write Vander as not liking Ekko or being unnecessarily rude to him, like Ekko especially young Ekko is the most loveable little gremlin alive, I cannot think of any reasonable reason why Vander would not treat him as his 5th child and when Ekko and Jinx would show signs of liking each other even if he would go all protective father for Jinx I imagine out of every boy in the undercity he would trust Ekko the most.

[normoully]

no plz tell me all your thoughts about the gregory hate so I can reblog it💀

OHHH boy this is gonna be a long one buckle up

Ever since Gregory was first announced I believe most of the fandom have interpreted him as this frail child who was always on the verge of tears and needed G.Freddy’s protection (think C.C 2.0), but once the game came out most ppl were shocked to see this kid actually has a lot of bite to him and kicked ass (ppl’s first reactions to him destroying the animatronics still make me laugh).

This was MY first introduction to him, so I wasn’t completely taken aback but still pleasantly surprised. Most if not all his actions made sense or at least made sense for a 10yr boy to think/act. Giant robots coming after me with the intention to kill (and insulting me for no damn reason)? Yeah I’d probably add an extra kick in there for good measure. Then came the first repair scene, when Vanessa revealed the high possibility of Gregory being an homeless orphan everything just clicked into place for me.

OF COURSE that’s why Gregory was so aggressive, he had to learn how to fight on his own to survive he’d probably had to face even worse than this! He wasn’t going to let that all go to waste bc some weird murderous rabbit lady wanted to drag him into her plans. It explains why he brushed off G.Freddy’s worries about him bc he’s used to have to just keep moving and bare thru pain, especially in an environment where that’s really the ONLY thing you can do. It’s why he’s so blunt and can come off as rude bc he was most likely never taught how to behave “correctly” bc really who has the time?

He was just using all the knowledge he learned on how to survive from a cruel and harsh environment for another. But this time he has an ally for once, an adult (father) figure who actually cares about his wellbeing, it’s no wonder why he became so attached (but struggles to show it bc he’s not used to it). And through all that easily irritable aggression, there are moments to remind us he’s still a kid.

A useless fridge magnet? Yeah that is pretty lame man.

Now imagine my shock when I see others hating on him and calling him a villain. “How could he KILL the poor animatronics? He was so mean, he’s the true monster!” Wh- DID WE WATCH THE SAME GAME? You mean the same animatronics that says he doesn’t have anyone to care about him? Yeah real sweethearts they are. Gregory isn’t a damn monster, he’s a survivor! He’s doing what he only knows best, IT’S TO SURVIVE!

“How could he be so mean to G.Freddy??? Those are his friends! He made Freddy feel bad!” Trust me when I say that Gregory cares about G.Freddy ALOT, did you see his reactions whenever G.Freddy got hurt??? That’s his father thank you very much!

“How could he have killed Vanny in that one ending?! He’s the real villain!” …Do I even need to explain this one?

And ohhhhhh don’t get me started on the awful “bratty gremlin devil” Gregory HCs. Now this isn’t to say that Gregory can’t be a gremlin or whatever. He can be, he is a bit cheeky, but then some started to intensify it and made it his entire personality. No, Gregory wasn’t just itching to rip Roxy’s eyes out or do the next batshit insane thing, he noticed the other upgrades and put two and two together (It gets more weird and slightly disrespectful when they add in the homeless thing as if that automatically makes someone act “feral”….tiktok.)

And then we have the complete opposite where some portray him as what I mentioned in the first paragraph. The poor helpless child who cant handle anything by himself…even though that’s complete bullshit (he’s also usually portrayed to be obnoxiously sweet for some reason). I don’t think many ppl realize how often were not in G.Freddy during SB, and Gregory is described to be quick on his feet and wits (plus his tools) and he doing damn well by himself! [Obviously this isnt to say that he didnt need G.Freddy’s help and protection, ofc he did, he just didnt need to RELY on it like some ppl make it seem he did].

(I know we went a bit off-topic for the last two paragraphs, trust me it connects)

All of this comes down to simply that some just can’t accept the fact that Gregory isn’t their perfect victim. He doesn’t crumble to the floor and beg for G.Freddy to help him up like they want him too. He’s not shy and sheepishly asking for help like they think he’s supposed to. And when they realize that part they try to push him into the other far end where he’s crazy, cold, and cruel. But he’s not. He cares, and he cares deeply. He’s still a little boy, he cried and tried to cover his face when he saw Vanny die. He should be leaping in victory, he killed his killer after all right? But he didn’t, bc despite everything she was still a human being, and he was so scared.

He has complex trauma (duh), he’s not this way or that way, and I get it. It’s hard to write or draw that kind of trauma for Gregory, especially when SB didn’t really give us much. But the way ppl act as if that’s what he actually is is soooooo frustrating. In my opinion the fact that his trauma is so complex and the fact he’s not your typical written victim is what makes him so interesting! And I feel like a lot ppl were slowly getting around to it…

Until GGY and Ruin happened and the hate came back so much worse, Welcome to the real Freddy Hell.

[starbeamssovereign]

Affogato Cookie x Amnesiac Reader (part 3)

Summary: Congratulations, you aren’t dead or anything! Apparently the head injury that you got from falling headfirst into a pile of rocks made you get amnesia! Hooray…yay…🤗. Luckily, you have a caretaker who’s here to tell you what you missed, who you are, and what happened to you! How sweet, right? And, uh, what was his name again? Oh, Affogato Cookie? Yeah, that’s fine. He’s probably a great guy, y’know?

TW: FINALLY some manipulation, normal gremlin Affogato, you don’t get wtf is going on because nobody is telling you besides the ex-advisor, and mentions of blood strawberry jam loss! Probably poisoning if you squint your eyes~ AND NOTHING I MAKE IS PROOFREAD.

Link to #1

Link to #2

You let out a soft groan, feeling both sleepy and sore as you blink your eyes open. Your gaze darts around, trying to make sense of where you are. It's freezing and everything is covered in snow. You’re in a cave... How did you end up here? And then it hits you—wait a second, who even are you??

“Agh…my head..”

You mutter softly, attempting to stand up but quickly collapsing back onto the ground, curling up from the pain in your chest. You notice someone has bandaged you up. So, you got wounded, someone brought you to this random cave, and then patched you up? Hm. Well, it feels like you should thank whoever helped you out. It just seems like the right thing to do.

However, a quiet yet amused voice was heard from the darker corner of the cave, where little to nothing would be seen without a light.

“Well, you certainly look like a mess. I’d suggest that you sit down, but I doubt that I get a say in what you can or can’t do.”

It was... someone. Not in a rude way, just that kind of voice that triggers a faint sense of familiarity, like you've crossed paths before but can't quite recall where or when. That damned memory loss; you can't even remember your own name or how you ended up in this situation. Everything feels like a haze, pieces of a puzzle scattered and lost in the fog of your mind.

“W…who are you? Do you know who I am too? How did this happen, what am I doing-”

You asked, trying to limp closer to the darker corner of the cave before the stranger giggled, cutting you off as he walked into the light. At first you were taken aback by how he looked. How could a voice as smooth and sultry as that fit someone who looked so…feminine? Well, you didn’t have time to question it, as he suddenly grabbed your hand and gestured for you to sit down, which you did.

“Oh, a lost little sheep like you must be very hurt after your incident. You don’t remember me, do you? That’s alright, I can tell you. My name is Affogato Cookie, but you can call me Affogato. You were attacked by one of the beastly snow lions within the kingdom’s snowy borders, and I stepped in to save you before you crumbled and bled out.”

Affogato, at least, that’s what he calls himself, just smiled sweetly, lighting some incense as he spoke. His demeanor exuded confidence, as if he held all the answers in the palm of his hand. And honestly? All you needed was someone to explain what the hell was happening in a way that wouldn’t send you into a panic spiral. His voice had this soothing quality, like a gentle breeze on a hot day, and you found yourself inexplicably drawn to it. You let out a shaky sigh, feeling a sense of relief wash over you as you nodded slowly, silently thinking that maybe, just maybe, things were going to be okay.

"You saved me…? Oh, you must be the one who put the bandages on my body. You saved my life - literally. Is there any way I can repay you?"

You asked, your voice a mix of gratitude and curiosity as you looked up at him, trying to read his expression. However, even as you spoke, you realized you had about a hundred MILLION questions buzzing in your mind, waiting to burst out.

Affogato merely smiled and tucked away a few messy strands of your hair behind your ears. Oh, you looked so naive and innocent…like a child who just found out about the world. It was delightful, seeing someone so strong and resilient be reduced to a confused and weak little sheep in need of a shepherd to guide them.

“All in due time, dear. Oh, and you were called [name], in case your mind forgot about that. You also were my most closest servant and disciple during my time as the Royal Advisor, as well as former King to the Dark Cacao Kingdom. Oh, you were so loyal…maybe I could make you remember what it was like..”

It was an obvious lie on Affogato’s side, but for you, it definitely sounded like the truth. If he was so eager to save you, of course he would’ve known who you were and how much you were loyal to him!

—

For the next few days, you were asking questions to the ex-advisor, and he answered with his own twisted way of reality. All to keep you under his thumb and become his sweet little puppet.

Yet, during the nights, you still seemed to have those horrible nightmares, this time coming back stronger and stronger to the point of curling up in a ball and just plain sobbing. What the hell were you even thinking about? What kind of stuff have you encountered during your time as a Watcher? It made Affogato ponder for many hours on end, still allowing you to lean on him during this period of time.

Affogato became more affectionate, as time went on. Well, during nights only. In the day he was that manipulative and cunning snake that everyone knows him as.

But he certainly can get you to quiet down, whether it be whispering in your ear or lighting some strong incense around you, keeping you sleepy and relaxed instead of terrified and anxious like a mouse.

He didn’t even know how you managed to break down his first wall of coldness and gaining a certain level of trust.

But of course, he had to be wary in case you somehow got your memories back.

For now, the feeling of your warm body breathing softly as you lean on his shoulder feels more relaxing then it should’ve.

I’m gonna explode

[kaissauce]

because the old games are basically blank slates in terms of characterization, i like to have fun expanding upon it, leading to things such as:

DDD inadvertently creating the sassiest 5 year old and getting shocked that the Child that is Very Malleable treats him just as rudely as he treats him, leading to a man in his 30's having beef with a child

MK struggling at single fatherhood after picking up some random gremlin off the street (and failing so bad that DDD steps in and is somehow better than him. only by a smidge)

The 5 year old and gremlin becoming friends and causing a famine due to their impossible appetites

Somehow the 5 year old that was raised by no one in particular was a great hero and stayed a great hero

The gremlin MK and DDD raised ended up attempting world domination (and got the idea from MK)

[himeryu]

— Love Story: 14. stage 1

kaveh x reader

Childe puts down his phone, grinning. Scara glances at the man in confusion and suspicion– glaring in the process; what is this mother fucker gonna do now? But instead of causing a stir, he stands up with a small smile, “I’ll be going to the balcony first for a breather.”

Tighnari has left the table to catch up with his other friends, so only Childe, Scara, Hu Tao, Heizou, and you are left.

“We’ll go with you,” Heizou says, looking at the sober Hu Tao. “Right, Hu Tao?” He smiles. Hu Tao looked at her friend, confused, who only gave her a knowing– yet nervous– look. “Bitch wha–”

Before she can finish her sentence, Heizou grabs her hand with his sweaty one and then stands up. “We’ll be back!” Childe exclaims, walking away from their table with Heizou and a very confused Hu Tao, who is, unfortunately, being dragged. 

“What the fuck,” Scara says, confused.

Before he could register what had just happened, a light blue-haired man approached their table. Upon recognizing the person, he frowns, “What are you doing here?”

“Isn’t it only natural for me to be here? It is my house and party, you know?” Ayato smiles at the purple-haired man, who only snickers. “What do you want, Kamisato?” Ayato frowns, feigning sadness, “How rude; I’m just here to say hello.” 

The two continue their useless banter, unnoticing the change of their surroundings.

“Talking to you gives me war flashbacks; what if you leave us alone?” Scara snaps at the Kamisato, who only smirks. “Us? You’re alone here, though.” 

Scara looks at him, confused, until he glances at the seat where [Name] was supposed to be. His eyes widen, and his face distorts into worry and anger; he glares at Ayato, who smiles, “You bastard, where are they?” Scara asks in a threatening tone. Ayato continues to smile at the angry gremlin, concealing that he’s sweating his palm off. ‘Fuck high school,’ He thinks.

“I’m sorry, I have no idea,” Ayato innocently answers. He really doesn’t know; his only role in this plan was to distract Scara so that they could kidnap you. Scara stands up, walking towards the half scared half amused Ayato; he places his hand on his shoulder. “Then, you have to help me find them,” Scara smiles, yet it doesn’t reach his eyes, “Or you don’t want the picture of you wearing a maid outfit to spread in all of Inazuma.” 

Fuck my life, Ayato thinks. 

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IM SOSOSOSO SORRY FOR NOT UPLOADING IVE BEEN REALLY BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND LIKE SHS APPLICATIONS SO I DIDNT HAVE ANY TIME TO UPLOAD LIKE THIS CHAPTER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE RELEASED WITH THE USUAL 3 CHAPTERS EVERYDAY BUT SCHOOL AND STUFF AND SINCE THIS IS A WRITTEN THERES A LOT TO DOOO IM SOS OSORRY

anyways lol imma just upload 1 chapter per day cause school and I don't want to be burnt out yk

SYNOPSIS You’ve been rejected by your academic rival, alhaitham, without even confessing or having feelings for him. You decided to go to a party to fix your damaged ego, so why are you suddenly making out with his roommate?

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