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fleur-bbyy · 2 months

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⭒ because i'm still in love with you (i want to see you dance again) ⭒

⭒pairing: katsuki bakugo x fem! reader

⭒wc: 6.0k

⭒warnings: angst, hurt, emotional kats, plot with porn, creampie, breeding kink, cunnilingus, fingering (f receiving), use of birth control, pet names, use of ‘sir’ and ‘mommy,’ alcohol use (reader drinks a mimosa), slapping, some aggressive behavior from bakugo, reader has deceased parents, southern!au, all characters are aged up (reader is around 25 and bkg is around 26). (my brain is all over the place if i forgot something here i’ll probably add it later.)

⭒ still actively editing hehe

⭒part one of three.

next part

sometimes, things were better off left in summer.

where the warm breeze could pick up your troubles and float them away until the seasons changed and greenery turned brown, falling from the trees of life. where the tangerine hues of sunrises filled the sky and the air always smelt like fresh flowers that had bloomed in the months beforehand. it really did seem like the sun never set on your blossoming little life.

until he decided to leave.

he gave you the best damned summer you could’ve ever asked for. weekly leaving bouquets of wildflowers with handwritten notes addressed to his ‘sunshine girl.’ especially after your dear mother had passed while you were away at college. leaving your father truly alone for the first time in years. you dropped out of in-person and began your degree online so you could move back to your childhood home that was tainted with memories of happier days. you saw him for the first time in four years when your shitbox car broke down on the side of the road and he happened to be your knight-in-shining-ford truck.

afterwards, he spent his time with you. updating you on all the changes that had happened in the time you’ve been gone. your little town finally got a chain grocery store and the high school’s latest graduating class had finally exceeded 100 students. you both spent your saccharine summer mourning the loss of your mother and welcoming the influx of feelings the two of you developed for each other.

you had sex for the first of many times when he admitted that he loved you, and you told him that you felt the same.

he spent many nights with you in your childhood bedroom. between gentle words and rough touches, clothed contact and skin-to-skin. your dad loved having people in the house again. loved being distracted from the loss of his first and final love. most of all, he loved watching his only child fall in love too.

his heart practically split for you when you were left alone once again. all that remained of your wilted love was another bouquet of fresh flowers and a goodbye note to ‘sunshine girl.’

“‘m skippin’ town. found a job out in the city.” two simple sentences made you feel like you’d been stabbed in the gut by someone who enjoyed twisting the knife.

“oh.” was all you could muster out. your heart wanting to say a million things, but your brain could only figure out how to say the one syllable word.

“it’ll be good money. for the both ‘a us.”

“that all you care about? we don’t need money, we just need each other.”

“you’d be a fool to believe that’s all we need in this damned world,” he sighed deeply and took your hand in his, “i’ll be back for you. i’ll be in contact. i love you.”

“do you?” the words left your mouth with such venom, spitting right into his face.

“i’m doing this for us, darlin’.”

“then you wouldn’t leave me, katsuki.” you shifted in the passenger seat of his old truck that was at a standstill in your driveway. it was his dad’s from the 80’s and he couldn’t find himself to let go of it. he’d probably spent more of his money in its upkeep than the damn thing costs.

“i wanna give you a comfortable life. it’s the adult thing t’ do.”

“i’m going home.” you stated to him as you unbuckled your seatbelt. before he could retort back, you grabbed his face and gave him a deep kiss, knowing it’d probably be one of the lasts if not the last. he stared at you with hurt in his vermillion eyes.

“don’t do it like this, sunshine.”

“do it like what? you’re the one leaving me!”

“i told you it’s for the fuckin’ best! i’m doin’ it for us!”

“if you were doing this for us, you wouldn’t leave me like this. you wouldn’t leave me,” you opened his door and stepped outside, turning to look at him again, “so just go before this gets ugly.” and with that you gently slammed the door to his truck and walked down the pathway that lead to your house, using all of your resistance to not turn back. as you walked, you noticed a brown leaf that began to crisp. a few had already fallen to the ground.

and the summer was over.

two or three more summers may have passed by without seeing katsuki bakugo, but you always heard about him. catching his name in whispers of the wind that breezed past you. the anger you felt all those summers ago has sense melted away. you were stubborn back then, realizing that you shouldn’t of melted down like that at him, but you weren’t going to give in and tell him that.

so you never reached out about it.

maybe it was because he never contacted you either. even when you knew it’d be the best thing to do. when you grew and matured some more. you were too heartbroken and you feel it’d be a lost cause at this point. for once you felt content with the thought of katsuki. the thought of him leaving. you felt as if everything was just meant to be as it was. just a passing season in your life.

you stayed with your dear old dad until he finally succumbed to illness. leaving you completely alone for the first time in your almost three decades of life.

it was comforting to sit on rickety wooden rocking chair on the porch of your childhood home with a glass of cold homemade lemonade. watching the way the flowers and tall grass would sway in the wind. you sat in the same place every afternoon to watch the sunset behind the lush mountains. although humanity changes, the actions of the sun and the moon will always fall into the same routine. orange light will strike and seep through the cracks of the california shutters on your windows at the same angle. the only thing faltering in the time this happens due to seasons changing.

you took a sip from your glass and set it back down on the little wooden side table, fingers lingering on the condensation that had gathered and ran down to form a ring. you traced the small droplets of water with your index finger as you just simply observed. observed how nothing had changed. the large oak tree that stood proudly in your front yard’s branches swayed and leaves rustled. the tire swing hanging from the strongest branch still held its own. it’d you look close enough in the tree’s tough bark, you can still see the messily carved “KB” that katsuki branded the tree with nearly two decades ago. mitsuki chewed him out to hell and back for taking his fathers pocket knife, but katsuki didn’t care. he felt cool and it made you smile.

by the time the sun had fallen and the moon had come to kiss the sky, you were still sitting in the same spot. something about being truly alone for the first time had left you feeling comfortably numb. you didn’t really know how you should feel. the only sound being the chirping crickets and summer cicadas and the only light being the moon and fireflies comforted you in some weird way. the ice in your drink had melted long ago and the wet ring around the glass has spread and started to roll and drip off the table. the droplets hit the chipped baby blue paint that made up your porch. the little drip drip drip sounds enough to lull you to sleep.

you decided to make your legs carry yourself to bed after you starting nodding off outside. as much as you’d love to sleep surrounded by the comfort nature could provide you, the urban legends you had heard in your youth about the appalachia still had a grip on your mind.

after brushing your teeth and tiredly washing your face, you crawled into what was your parents bed. the smell of your late father still hadn’t quite faded from the linens. the familiar scent enough to comfort you to sleep.

you awoke only a few hours later to the sound of the front door closing and the light beginning to rise and flood your room. your mind awoke before the rest of your body could and tried to move, fueled by the fear that someone had broken into your house. you grabbed the louisville slugger your mom used to keep by her side of the bed and made your way to the hall. peering down the hallway, you were met with a familiar figure. his broad back turned away from you, admiring the pictures by the door. he visibly jumped when you dropped the bat.

“katsuki?” your voice was barely above a whisper and still tinged with sleep.

“yeah yeah it’s me, don’t cream yer pants. you still keep yer key under the mat, dumbass.” you we’re practically eye-fucking the man that stood in your house. he looked good before you saw him last, but god, he somehow managed to look even better. his muscles rippled in the tight black shirt he wore and the work pants he had on. you saw a peak of a tattoo under the right sleeve that he didn’t have before. his hair was still as spiky and as wild as ever, but he now sported an undercut.

“‘m sorry about yer pa,” he said, sounding genuinely sympathetic, “i wish i would’ve been here.” the lust and want you were just feeling for this man quickly turned to sadness with a hint of anger. all the feelings you had when he had originally left flooding back and overtaking your senses. he’s right. he should have been here. with you. not hours away taking some yuppie-fied version of whatever trade he was doing in the city. he should’ve been here.

“why are you here exactly? you gonna spend this summer telling me you love me and fucking my brains out just to leave me again?” you tried your best to sound angry, you really did, but you only sounded desperate and longing. katsuki’s face hardened at your words even though your tone was all wrong.

“now you know it’s wasn’t like that.” he started walking closer to you.

“if you loved me you would’ve called, kats. texted me. literally anything.” the lump in your throat had formed.

“‘s not you tried either? maybe i would’ve fuckin’ contacted you if you acted like you wanted me when i was leaving!” he was even closer to you. three long strides and he was inches from your face, albeit still towering above you. your lip started to quiver and lower lash line started filling with tears.

“how did you think i’d act, katsuki? to be all rainbows and sunshine when you told me you were going hours away?”

“not having a fuckin’ temper tantrum would’ve been great. i did the adult thing to take that job. one of us had to.” he spat at you, coldly.

all of the frustrations had bubbled to the surface.

all your grief over your parents had bubbled.

the floodgate finally burst.

before you could think about what you were doing, your palm harshly met the side of the blonde’s face. his head jerked to the side at the sudden impact. he let it linger in the position it was in, not wanting to turn and look back at you. regret instantly filled your chest and began to rise into your throat like the bile. looking down at your hand and back to the welt forming on his cheek over and over again.

“katsuki i’m-“

“fuckin’ save it,” he cut you off, his voice had an edge that could cut you down like a blade, “‘m gettin’ outta here. see you for the funeral. hide yer fuckin’ key better.” and he was gone again as fast as he arrived, slamming your old, wooden door behind him.

half of your heart wanted to run outside and chase after him. to beg him not to leave again.

the other half wanted to slash the tires on his square body ford and pour sugar in his gas tank.

you waited until you heard the loud start-up sound his engine made decrescendo to silence before you stepped outside. it was still early as the mourning doves still sang in the trees that loomed over your house. the sky a light enough shade of blue to see, but still dark enough to pass for night. although you couldn’t hear him, you could still see the bright lights that illuminated the tree line and casted ugly, disfigured shadows on your house.

a part of you still wanted to chase after him.

so you did.

running inside to grab the keys to your dad’s own truck, you quickly hopped into the drivers seat and adjusted it and the mirrors to your height. your body felt alight, seething with anger. resentment. he thought he could just come back like that.

before you registered it, you were doing 70 in a 45 in your efforts to catch up to him. you had no idea where he was staying, he’ll, you didn’t even know how much gas you had, but the good thing about small towns is one road leads everywhere and the sheriffs didn’t start their patrol for another hour.

you finally caught up the him. always the law abiding citizen, he stayed right at an even 50 miles per hour. he usually rubbed off on you, convinced you to also not do anything that could get you in trouble.

but that’s when you weren’t so angry, so hurt that you could physically see red.

checking your mirrors and the opposite lane to your right, you sped up and merged over to the wrong lane, riding side by side with him. you pressed the gas pedal a little harder to accelerate more until you were far enough to swerve your truck in front of his without risking the either of you getting into an accident. you looked over and saw him frantically pull the e brake and his old truck skidded to a halt right next to yours.

“fuck do you think yer doin’,” he yelled out of his window, “tryna fuckin’ kill me or some shit?”

“i deserve answers from you and you know that.” you opened the door and stepped out. roughly slamming the metal and walking over to his car.

“yeah? i think i deserve some new brakes! y’know how old this fucker is!”

“i can do that, after you answer me.” you were now face to face with the blonde. you noticed the handprint-sized mark still on his face, thankfully not welted anymore, but still dark enough to show the slap. his angry, ruby eyes danced across your face as if he were trying to read you. you remained stoic, you didn’t want to give in. to let him know how your anger could compare to his.

he had to earn it.

“i’ll come back to your house. ain’t goin’ in public.”

“deal.”

you had both gotten back into your respective vehicles and drove back to your house. making yourself a mimosa once you arrived and settled in, wanting to take the edge off. you offered katsuki a drink as a slight apology for slapping him, he declined.

“since when have you been a day drinker?” he asked, you heard slight amusement in his tone, but it was far overpowered by his gruff voice.

“since i became an orphan.” you meant for it to come out as a joke, but your tone of voice was all wrong. it sounded depressing. hell, it was depressing.

“‘m sorry. ‘m sorry for yellin’ at you too.” this time his voice couldn’t cover the hurt that sneaked it’s way onto his tongue.

“it’s okay, kats. really. i’m sorry for slapping you.”

“don’t be. deserved it.” it was as if nothing really did change with katsuki, besides getting a little older. always hypercritical of himself. thinking he deserved rocks when he deserved diamonds. the devil on one shoulder pulled you out of your thoughts fueled by the angel on the other. ‘you should be mad at him’ your brain told you. ‘you shouldn’t forgive him’ it told you again.

“you know that’s not true.” you mentally flicked the devil off your shoulder and let the angel win.

“don’t flatter me. we’re sittin’ here f’you.” oh yeah. his words reminded of the real reason you were here. both of your faces began to droop a little.

“right,” you began. looking into his ruby eyes, “when’d you get that tat?” bakugo looked at you with a confused expression, not expecting that to be the first question you asked him. he looked over at his right arm and pulled up his sleeve a little more to show you. he had inked a black and red dragon on him that went from his collarbone, over the shoulder, and to his mid-bicep. the tail of the dragon wrapping itself around his arm.

“‘bout a year and a half ago.”

“cool. what’s it mean?”

“does it have to have meanin’?”

“yes.”

“well traditionally they represent strength, wisdom, ‘n shit like that.”

“what’re you doing in the city?”

“same old same old, mechanics,” she paused and took a deep breath, “i know y’didn’t almost cause me to t-bone ya just to ask some catch-up questions.” he was right. you were beating around the bush so hard the ground’s metaphorical dirt had probably been kicked up.

“you know what i’m gonna ask.”

he did know. he probably knew better than you did.

“wanna hear you say it.” he hid his face in the glass of ice water you gave him, pretending to be extremely thirsty. not wanting to see how you looked at him when you said it. he just needed to hear your voice.

“why,” you gulped down the lump that had made its way into your throat, “why did you leave me?” your voice quivered a bit as an influx of every negative emotion threaten to take over your fragile mind.

he put his glass down and sighed at you.

“d’ya remember camie?” how could you forget camie. you felt so much jealousy and hatred towards the girl you barely knew just because she started dating katsuki in high school. she genuinely was a sweetheart, never acting malicious towards you. always understanding the childhood best friend thing, so you were nice to her, but deep down in your gut you could’ve ripped her head off.

“yeah. i remember camie.” he sat back into his chair, spreading his legs and giving you a good view of his taut muscles in his work pants that he hadn’t had the chance to change out of. you were pooling in your panties for him already.

“for a long while she was the only girl my dick could get hard for, literally and metaphorically. was the only girl I could see, convinced i was gon’ marry her and-“

“if you’re gonna tell me that you left because you’re still in love with camie, just say that. stop rubbing salt in the wound.” hearing your best friend/ex lover talk about another woman still made you feel physically ill. the fact that you were trying to hold so many emotions back didn’t really help, either.

“no no no that’s not what i’m tryin’ to say. quit yer bitchin’ or i’ll leave you high and dry without any answers.” you always thought it was so attractive the way his accent grew stronger if he felt passionate about something, anything. your heart skipped a few beats every time in happened. you nodded your head at him to continue and zipped your lips.

“as things progressed between us, somethin’ in me snapped or… changed? i still don’t know. we went from fuckin’ like rabbits as teenagers do, to me havin’ to push rope every time we tried to have sex.” you nodded your head at him again. this time, trying to convince yourself that you had a clue where this was going or the moral to his little story. you expected some serious answer, or genuinely sorry, or even some half-assed apology. not to hear about your childhood best friend’s teenage sex life.

katsuki stood up from the little table in your kitchen to pace around, getting antsy from his own story.

“i ended up breakin’ up with her, you remember that, i just didn’t love her anymore. i couldn’t love her anymore.” his pacing became more frantic. throwing his hands into his blonde hair as he walked, scratching as his skin, breathing harder. you could practically hear his heart palpitations in his chest.

“katsuki, i don’t get when this has to do with me.” he stopped and turned to look at you, his vermillion eyes beginning to brim with tears. you hadn’t seen him cry like this in almost a decade, when he and his mom had gotten into a fight and temporarily kicked him out. he stayed many nights on your couch, always apologizing for butting in even though he knew he was welcome.

his eyes quivered and his bottom lip shook as he stomped over to you.

“can’t you fuckin’ tell? i was so goddamn in love with ya that i couldn’t date ‘er anymore? couldn’t you see? did you ever fuckin’ notice?” he wasn’t yelling at you, but his voice was loud enough to make your own eyes tear up. you felt like a little girl getting chewed out after her hand was caught in the cookie jar. he was shaking your shoulders as if it would rattle your brain around to make you realize. you were absolutely clueless. so blinded by the rage of camie. so blinded by your own happiness when they broke up that you couldn’t tell he’s been right under your nose the entire time.

“that summer after yer ma passed was the best fuckin’ two months i’ve ever spent in my entire god forsaken life!” tears spilled down his cheeks and you couldn’t help but think he was the beauty an artist wished they could paint, but never could get the details right. the handsome an author wishes they could describe, but could never find the right words. the salted water followed a track as they dripped down his chin and onto his shirt.

“then why did you go, katsuki?” you were full on sobbing with him, not being able to halt the squeaks that escaped your mouth as you gasped for air. it didn’t feel real. everything felt hazy, like when you’re watching a movie but you’re half asleep.

“why did i go?” his voice shook at a whiny pitch and he moved his hands from your shoulders to your soft face, cupping your cheek with one of his hands. “i told you it was for that job, for us. it wasn’t a lie, sunshine, but you know how i am. i couldn’t be perfect for you and i knew that. i thought putting distance between us would make you forget ‘bout me. you could find someone good enough f’you. or i could become the person i needed to be to be good enough f’you.” his sentences were filled with hiccups and gasps for breath. his tears wouldn’t stop flowing down his soft skin. his hand that wasn’t on your face gripped your shirt like he was scared he’d lose you again.

“katsuki-“

“you feel the way m’ hand feels, yeah? it’s rough, calloused,” he used one of his fingers to caress your face, “and yer not. yer as beautiful as you’ve always been. how could i be selfish enough to taint you? i call ya ‘sunshine girl’ for a reason, you light up m’life in a way no one else can.” before he could keep going on, you roughly grabbed his face and pulled his lips onto yours. you could taste the salt from his tears along with the phantom remnants of his last meal. he moved his lips against you with such ferver you thought you wouldn’t be able to keep up. his hands danced across your body and yours found comfort gripping his hair.

you stayed pushed against the wall in your kitchen for several more minutes as his longue explored your mouth and vice versa, catching up for all the times you could’ve missed out on. he stuck his knee out and in between your thighs, his thigh touching the area you needed relief from most. you grinded your aching clit against his muscular thigh and whined into his mouth, you felt him smirk against you. his hands went under your shirt and was pleasantly surprised to find you had foregone a bra. he separated from you for a brief moment and raised an eyebrow at you, his own way of asking if his actions were green lighted. you nodded your head quickly, eyes rolled back and still trying to chase your high against his leg.

“no bra?” he asked, toying with your hardened nipples.

“you didn’t give me much time to put one on before I had to chase after you.” you reached a curious hand down to palm his hardening cock through his pants, eliciting a growl from deep within his throat. he threw his head back, the light catching onto the tear tracks still staining his face.

he picked his head back up to look at you before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, never breaking eye contact. he sucked and licked at your hardened nub and areolas whilst pinching and squeezing at the other. he continued this until your breathy moans were loud enough to satisfy his aching ego.

he pulled himself off of you and removed his knee, making you whine at the loss. not leaving you empty for too long, though, he crouched down and hooked a finger around your sleep shorts and panties and swiftly pulling them down, letting them pool around your ankles. he used his index to slide up and down between your slick folds.

“so fuckin’ wet f’me already. you need me that badly?”

“fuck yes kats please.” you were practically begging, tears threatening to fall again. he used his fingers to spread your lower lips apart and watched how your arousal stuck to you in strings, sending a shiver down his spine and straight to his cock. he watched your hole contract around nothing. every little bit of sense left your body. you shouldn’t do this, you shouldn’t do this, you shouldn’t do this.

but you wanted him so badly.

“jus’ tell me to stop if y’need me too. pulling my hair won’t do anythin’.” and with that he unceremoniously shoved his face into your dripped cunt, that action only making you want to scream his name. he alternated between kitten licks to your clit and rough sucks. running his wet muscle up and down your slit, your sweet moans only motivating him to keep going.

“katsuki ‘m not gonna last too long.” he abruptly pulled away and you pouted down at him like a child.

“y’know better than that, baby. what’s my fuckin’ name?” he gently rubbed his fingers in circles around your swollen clit. fast enough for you to feel something, not fast enough to make your release.

“please sir, don’t stop.” you breathily moaned at him. he smirked at you and shoved two fingers into your pussy and put his lips back on your clit. he threw one of your legs over his shoulder when he felt them start to tremble. his pace inside you was unrelenting and your walls started to clamp down on his fingers. the coil in your stomach continued to twist until it felt like you were about to explode.

“c’mon baby, i feel it. i feel you. cum f’me baby please… make a mess of my fingers.” his words finally through you over your edge, the tight coil in your stomach snapping and quickly unraveling as you released yourself onto his fingers. he removed them from you and quickly replaced them with his puffy lips, drinking up all of your release as it exited your body.

he came up for air and smiled up at you, the lower half of his face covered in your sluice. you could’ve came again just from the sight of him worshipping your body like you were a beautiful work of art. gently kissing your trembling thighs as he supported your body with his shoulder.

“y’taste even sweeter than last time.” you stood up once your legs stopped shaking and you had gained your footing. his still-wet lips brushed your earlobe as he spoke to you, causing you to shiver.

“katsuki.”

“yes m’darlin’?”

“i need you. now.” you grabbed his hair to pull him back down onto your hungry lips, kissing and biting his bottom lip, knowing that makes him feral. you pulled it between your teeth and he loudly groaned into your mouth, his rock hard cock jumping in his pants. the two of you stumbled around in your little kitchen, bumping into walls and tripping over the legs of tables. none of the pain of bumps and stubbed toes registering in your feverish make-out session. you finally managed to find a level surface to perch your hands on, the kitchen table. you felt as if you could burst from how bad you needed his cock inside you.

swiftly, you separated from him, eyeing the way your spit stayed connected even when you weren’t touching. you quickly pulled your last remaining clothes off and placed his hands on your hips, bending yourself over the table.

“fuck baby right ‘ere?” he asked.

“kats I can’t fucking wait, need you now.” at that he pulled his shirt off and unbuckled his belt, pulling his aching cock out. he let his pants sag, not bothering to take them off, and his boxers resting as they were. the sight of you bent over and spread open for him again instantly brought him back to summer three years ago.

“condom or no? make your fuckin’ decision quick.” he fisted at his cock, aching to get some sort friction.

“how many people have you been with?” his red eyes bore holes into your back.

“jus’ you.”

“me too, still on the pill.” it was silent until you spoke up again.

“just fuck me raw, dammit.”

“fuck i was wantin’ you to say that.” his hands danced across the skin on your back and ass as he worked himself into your tight hole. trying his best to bottom out inside you. your pussy adjusted so fast it visibly shocked him when you begged him to start moving. he moved his body like nothing had changed. like he had been consistently fucking you these last few years.

like he didn’t leave you.

he held on to your hip and ass cheek like he was gonna lose you as he fucked you into your wooden table, going crazy over your babbling and mewls that escaped your pretty mouth just for him. he pistoned his thick cock into you so hard the table was scraping against the hardwood floors, destined to leave scuff marks.

“ain’t got no business bein’ this pretty under me,” he reached a hand out to grab a fistful of your hair and forced your neck up, “goddamn darlin’, have y’always been this tight?” his lewd words had you moving your body in tandem with his to meet his harsh thrusts. the sounds of moans and skin slapping filled your quiet little house.

“n-no. happens when ya hadn’t been laid in three years.” you replied through breathy moans and pitchy whines. bakugo loved to hear your little southern accent come out, it let him know he was doing a good job when you couldn’t suppress it.

he noticed your body picking up the pace, slamming your hips back against him to get his cock to reach the deepest point inside you, scarily close to kissing your cervix. your labia was getting puffy and swollen from the unrelenting friction of him slamming himself into you. your own hand sneaked in between your legs to rub your needy clit, not wanting katsuki to remove his hands from the tight grip he had on your hips.

“katsu- fuck… sir i need to cum so bad. please let me cum on your fat cock… ‘m fuckin’ beggin’ you please.” and how could katsuki resist your sweet voice? the voice that begged him to cum without him even asking her to beg?

“c’mon then, babygirl. show me watcha got, eh? make a mess of this fuckin’ cock.” you unraveled under him, squirming and moaning out his name as your body let itself go. you were in a haze from your first dick-induced orgasm in three years.

“atta girl, sunshine, atta fuckin’ girl. now be still and fuck take it. gonna paint your pretty fuckin’ shit pussy white.” you whimpered at his unrelenting pace, chasing after his own sweet orgasm. though tired, you angled your hips up so he could thrust at an angle you knew he liked. he hissed at the change. his lustfully-driven thrusts became sloppier and his fingers started trailing up and down your back, you knew he was awfully close and you wanted to give him that extra push off the edge.

“fuck fuck fuck… please cum in me sir! make me the mommy to your children fuck please!” your little plan worked, indulging in his raging breeding kink. he repeatedly cursed as he thrusted into you a few more times, riding out his own high. his sweat dripped off of him and onto your perfect body. though well spent, he couldn’t keep his eyes or hands off of you.

he admired the way your shoulders rolled when you moved your arms. how striking your hair looked when it caught the morning light streaming through the shutters. how radient your dewy, still youthful skin shined under the light sheen of sweat your worked up. he couldn’t stop looking at you. he felt hot tears prick at his eyes once more, feeling so stupid for giving you up so easily. fuck, there’s no guarantee you’d take him back now, either.

“‘m sorry,” he painted, still tired from the morning’s activities, “i’m so fuckin’ sorry.” droplets of tears began to make their way down his cheeks again.

you turned your head to look back at the blonde who had carefully slid his way out of your folds. he was looking away, trying to hide his tears. the way his tired body jolted as he tried to take in as much breath as possible gave him away.

“kats, hey, i promise you it’s okay. we can try this again. let’s just take it slow this time.” he sat yourself up, albeit legs still wobbly, and kissed the exposed skin on his shoulders whilst rubbing his back that held so much tension. like the weight of the world sat on his shoulders.

he finally turned to look you in the eyes, lip quivering and trying to hold back the floodgate in his eyes.

“i promise i won’ leave you again.”

“i know you won’t, katsuki,” you pushed some of his blonde locks out of his eyes, “let’s go catch a nap and we’ll talk about this when we’re energized. okay?” he nodded at you and took your soft hand into his rough one. placing light kisses on it as the two of you walked hand in hand back to your bedroom. helping clean each other up and getting yourselves ready to nap the morning’s events off.

the pair of you laid in the warm bed in silence until katsuki spoke up.

“hey.” you rolled over to look at him when you heard his voice, his hand sneaking around your waist.

“hey.”

“do you actually think that maybe we could?” for such a vague question, it held so much to your heart that ached for him. his heart aching equally as much. you reached out to touch his face. tracing the smalls scars that littered his once smooth skin. the characteristics of katsuki that made him, him. you leaned into to give him a gentle kiss, his lips moving in synch with yours as if you’d been doing this your whole life.

“maybe we can.”

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cullenswife · 5 months

Text

Unrequited

Summary: Aemond comes to Rhaynera, promising to bend the knee on one condition. Marrying you.

Warnings:a bit of angst, mistakes, Aemond x Strong!reader

You sped up, having seen Vhagar one Dragonstone’s beach. A nasty feeling formed in your stomach as you ran into the main hall.

“Mother?” You asked confused as you saw her and Daemon at one side and Aemond standing a few feet away now looking at you.

“What.is.going.on.” You had no patience to hear whatever your mother had to say.

As you looked up at your queen, she declared the news.

“Prince Aemond has pledged loyalty to me in the course of war.”

You raised a brow eyeing Aemond now.

“He? The man who desired to unleash the war the most now swore allegiance to you?”

“Y/n”, you heard your mother scolding you. As she looked at you with regret on her face, she softly stated

“He has a few terms.”

You snickered “Didn’t expect anything else from him”.

“I’ve asked for your hand,” he finally decided to cut in.

“What?!”

Aemond’s words left you speechless as you tried to find the truth in his gaze.

“The term is not obligatory, you have a right to choose. We will depart for you to talk,” Rhaynera gave you reassuring smile as Daemon urged her to leave, throwing a sly smirk at Aemond at last.

As soon as the doors closed you exclaimed “Is this some sort of a sick joke to you?!”

“No.”

“Then what? You’re trying to fool us into believing you? Betray and stab us in the back in the moment of need?”

“I’m neither lying to you, nor spying. I have serious intentions to marry you.”

You slowly exhaled, getting annoyed with his calm state, “And you want me to believe you this easily? This marriage is not of political gain to you, you could simply marry a Baratheon or a Stark getting an army or two to Aegon’s aid. We will not call truce due to a marriage.”

“This marriage won’t be of convenience. I want to marry you because all these years I’ve…” he faltered before continuing “harboured feelings for you, Y/n. Don’t pretend as if you weren’t aware.”

You kept silent before speaking up,

“We both know you are a man of duty, which is why your loyalties will always lie with your family, Aemond.”

“You will be the only family I’ll ever need.” As you shook your head he added, “You will become my wife according to the Valerian custom if only you accept me as husband.”

You looked down trying to discern any hint on lies in his voice as he made a step towards you taking your hands in his.

“I offered my sword, loyalty, dragon - everything to be with you. I only ask of you not to reject me but think if you’d ever find yourself in position to fall in love with me.. as I have for you”.

“No. No!… Aemond, I barely know you except for the fact that you’ve threatened my brother!” You tried reasoning with him.

He sighed stating as confidently,

“I had valid reasons; he took my eye but despite him owning a debt I swear to protect him and your brothers from anyone, even me,” his voice is even, shouting of confidence but still not enough for you to believe him.

“I-I don’t know..” he urges you to look up at him muttering softly with an edge in his voice

“My love will be enough for both of us. You will always be safe and content by my side, I will never disrespect you, never let anyone question your or your brothers’ birthright and legitimacy.”

You gulp as he gently cups your cheeks and brings his face closer, “One word and I’ll make the world kneel before you.”

You were sure no one had ever seen Aemond as vulnerable as he was in that moment with sincere gentleness in his look.

You pondered about your family that needed such a strong ally, Vhagar that could make the Seven kingdoms tremble merely with her name, Aemond’s skills at war tactics and the fact how the greens would falter knowing they have lost their main advantage. You considered everything but not Aemond’s poor heart that would soon break because of your unrequited love.

Finally, you whispered “Yes” with a heavy heart, knowing you’d never be able to love someone like him.

. . .

What a tragic world it is, for him to have learned you never reciprocated his feelings, for you to have lived with the one who never truly owned your heart.

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ashthemadwriter · 7 months

Text

Calling them by their name

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairings: Suna, Oikawa, Bokuto, Atsumu, Osamu, Iwaizumi, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Kenma, Kuroo X Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Humor

Format: Headcanons

Warnings: Some cussing done by me, Suggestive in Iwaizumi's part

Word Count: 1.2K

A/n: It's been a while since I last wrote for Haikyuu so-

This TikTok compilation on YouTube

↳Yamaguchi

"Yamaguchi Tadashi!"

The man looks at you frightened, like he just saw a ghost or smthn lmao, making you Almost feel bad about this prank.

"What? What happened?" "Did you eat all the Ice cream I saved for myself?"

Lmao now he's scared af.

"I-I No I didn't! I put it in the freezer like you told me too!" "Then why isn't it there? You're telling me that the freezer ate it itself?" "IDK!" "Yamaguchi Tadashi!" "BABE STOP CALLING ME BY MY FULL NAME YOU'RE SCARING ME"

Runs to the store to buy you more Ice cream, little did he know you were the one who ate it, but you were too tired to go out so you used this method to make him go out and buy some instead lol

↳Tsukishima

"Tsukishima Kei!"

You really think He's gonna fall for that? huh

HUH!

He can clearly see how you're carefully watching him to see his reaction. He knows you're up to smthn immediately.

MF ignores you until you call him by his pet name😭

"Tsukishima Kei!" "..." "Tsukishima!" "..." "...Kei?" "..." "Kei Baby?" "What is it?"

"You're no fun" "And you're so dumb" "Hey!" "What? It rhymes! Who's not fun now?"

Just don't play pranks on this guy he will make you regret🤧

↳Suna

Much to your surprise, he has TikTok. Playing pranks on this guy is never successful cuz he's 10 steps ahead of you. Always.

Like when he finds you saying & doing smthn that sounds familiar to him he's like "Oh it's that prank I saw yesterday! She thinks she can fool me? That's cute. Let me mess with her a little bit"

"Suna Rintarou!" "F/n L/n!" "Suna Rintarou this is a serious matter!" "I'm listening F/n L/n!" "Suna why are you doing this?" "I don't know what you're talking about, L/n" "RIN-"

He will be the one who wins in the end. Always.

You sometimes find it tough to hold yourself back from punching him, but you're in love with his punky ass so you have to deal with it.

↳Atsumu

Cute whiney baby T^T

IDK why I find him so adorable lmao

You don't even have to call him by his full name to upset him. Saying his first name instead of pet names is enough to damage his heart lmao

"Atsumu?"

The guy looks like he's been shot in the heart LMFAO

"Why are ya callin me Atsumu?🥺" "Um... I mean, that's your name, right?" "No! 'm not Atsumu! 'm baby! or Sweety! or Hubby! Who do ya think yer callin Atsumu?"

He won't talk to you unless you make it up to him by extra kisses & smooches cause I'm not kidding, THE GUY IS HURT.

↳Osamu

Now he's a bit different from his twin. He will get irritated at first, but as the mf he is, he is gonna make you regret.

"Miya?"

He literally stops whatever he's doing, raises his head to stare at you with a blank expression. Maybe you can sense a sharp dagger stabbing your heart lmao.

"Did ya just call me Miya?" "... I..."

Ngl he looks scary af. Though his expression is blank I AM TELLING YOU.

Goes back to his business with the blank expression meanwhile ignoring the fuck out of you for the whole night.

Will not back down unless you're on you're knees begging him to pay attention to you lol

"'Samu!" "What's that sound I'm hearing? Never mind" "SAMU PLEASE I'M REALLY SORRY-"

↳Bokuto

His reaction is the same as 'Tsumu's but a bit tenser lmao.

"Bokuto?"

His head that was on your chest suddenly raises for you to meet his puppy eyes.

"Suger Cube? Why are you calling me by my name? Did I do something?🥺🥺🥺🥺"

INSTANT REGRET LMAO

He's innocence is enough for you to feel bad and suffocate him in your arms T^T

"No Mwah* Baby Mwah* I'm sorry it was Mwah mwah* just a prank!"

Just cuddle your baby owl a bit more he deserves it T^T

↳Oikawa

This mf deserves it.

Fuck him up.

Make him cry.

Choke him. Kill him. Slap him-

Ahem. Where were we?

So yeah basically he's a jerk and he deserves all the pranks in the world lmfao

"Oi Shittykawa! Didn't I tell you to clean your room? Why is it still a mess?"

MF IS STUNNED AF LMAO

"BABE WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CALL ME THAT- sighs* Even my own S/o bullies me, what a cruel world indeed"

BITCH WHAT'S WITH THE FORMAL LANGUAGE

"Just shut up and do it already" "Babe you're so mean😪" "You deserve it YOU HANDSOME BASTARD-"

↳Iwaizumi

This guy is so good. So husband material. So hot. So much in shape. ANYWAYS-

He's surprised. Very surprised.

"Iwaizumi Hajime!"

Looks up from his phone immediately to meet your frustrated expression.

Frustrated by how hard you're trying to hold back your laugh.

"What is it honey?" "Did you forget to wash the dishes?" "No they're all done" "Then did you forget to take out the trash?" "Took it five hours ago" "Then what about... what about..."

Lmao now he gets what's going on.

A smirk appears on his face as he throws is phone on the couch and the next thing you know you're pinned to the cushions with him on top of you.

"What was that about? Are you trying to tease me or something?"

BRUH he looks so hot like this that you're literally unable to talk.

"I- W-Well... what if I am?"

Let's just say that you never dared to play pranks on him again🚶🏻‍♀️

↳Kenma

NOOOOOOOOO

Why you doing this to my cat boy lmao T^T

"Kozume?"

Pauses his game and turnes to look at you with a HUGE sulk on his face.

HE IS ANNOYED.

"Why did you-" "Kozume? Really?"

Lmao his pouty face makes you chuckle a bit

"That's your name isn't it?" "What happened to baby, sweetheart, love of my life..." "KENMA BABY I'M SORRY-"

God knows why he looks so cute when he's all sulky lmao

↳Kuroo

Lmao I can never bring myself to mess with him.

WHY IS GOJO'S VOICE PLAYING IN MY HEAD HELP-

Anyway he will get you back, and a thousand times harder.

It's like you called him by his full name once, and ever since then he keeps calling you by your last name lmao.

You come home after a long day? "Well look who it is! The one and only L/n!" "I FUCKING HATE YOU TETSURO-"

This doesn't stop when you're in public. Or in front of your parents.

When your mom's on the other line? "L/n it's your mom she wants to talk to you!"

When you're out with friends? "L/n would you be kind and pass the salt please?"

People keep asking if you got into a fight or smthn LMFAO

So yeah this will go on for a while until he gets tired of it or he hurts your feelings then he will apologize for BEING SUCH A DICK crossing the line a bit too much.

Interactions are appreciated! :)

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the-ides-of-march · 15 days

Text

#stab some fools #ides of march

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kasdeyalilith · 5 months

Text

Midnight Rain (Part II)

Warning/s: Angst and Fluff

Character/s: Scaramouche x Reader

Synopsis: Scaramouche finds himself traveling with the traveler following his defeat in the Sumeru war. He hopes to meet you along during the journey and earn your trust again.

Note: I didn't follow some canon scenes from the battle between the Balladeer and Traveler from the first part so some things are changed. As requested I sprinkled some fluff in here but there's some angst ofc. I managed to squeeze every sweetness in my bones just to come up with the ending. Hope yall enjoy and forgive me with the angsts.

"Ah you've seen my affection for her. If you were in my position, I think you'd feel the same way"

He frowns as he recalls what he said to you, shaking his head at the emerging memory. What a fool he is to treat you that way, knowing you're the only one who actually cares about him. He becomes so blinded by your constant love for him that he thinks dismissing your feelings will not cause you to leave, because you'll still fall for him and stay, only this time you're already falling before he can even catch you.

Scaramouche, who now calls himself "the Wanderer," journeys Teyvat with the traveler in the hopes of meeting you along the way. He offers to tag along on their adventures after the war in Sumeru, promising to make amends for his past actions even if they are forgotten by most. The traveler was hesitant at first, but Nahida convinces him to do it. He warns him that if he does something bad, he won't hesitate to feed him to Paimon.

The Wanderer spends his days doing meaningless things, like working on different commissions with the Traveler. Even though it's tiring and boring, he's never felt so at peace, which is something he can only feel with you.

He pushed those thoughts away as he cast a glimpse at the rising statue of Barbatos, which was gleaming beneath the sun's blaze. The last thing he needs to find you is for that piercing sting inside him where his heart is supposed to be.

The nation of the Anemo Archon proved to be a safe haven for explorers like him as all are welcome within its walled borders. A foreign feeling churns inside him; a sincere reception from strangers who do not immediately condemn him is an unusual occurrence for the Wanderer. After years of only you accepting and treating him as a normal being, it's a strange emotion to feel when a bard hands him an apple as a welcome gesture.

He imagines every situation and every word he'll say once he finds you, but all preparations are tossed out the window the moment he sees you. You who’s as perfect and beautiful as he remembered, even the grease that stains your skin from repairing a machine can’t lessen your beauty as you laughed at him, him who’s hair white as chalk and posture still as a doll. The Wanderer refuses himself the sudden surge of jealousy, he doesn’t have the right now as he stares at you longingly.

He felt his entire body freeze the minute your eyes locked on him, waiting with bated breath for the storm to strike. Your gaze, however, quickly shifts to the side as if you were unaware that he was standing there.

Did you absolutely despise him? He can't blame you if you do, but it doesn't make the pain that crawls and scratches him back any less painful. He can only blame himself for causing you so much hurt that you decide to ignore him entirely.

He isolates himself from the traveler, preferring to rest under Windrise's great oak tree. His hand wipes any daring tear that dares to fall, and even though he is no longer the frail puppet he once was, he still easily tears up. He is unsure if your rejection or avoidance of him causes him more pain, as both equally rip him apart. It hurts much more that you no longer care about him and he has no way to bring you back into his life, even if he drowns himself in sorrow and endures a thousand stab wounds.

He chases after those memories of you both being content and happy, and for a moment, he allows himself to get lost in them.

He eventually drifts off to sleep under the cooling shade of Vennessa's Tree, lulled by the Archon's breeze and the melody sung by the lyre coming above from one of the branches.

The Wanderer was painfully jolted out of his dreams of you when he felt something tap his shoulder; he frowned as he faced the intruder but stopped when he saw you smiling at him. He pinches and rubs his eyes awake to check if he's dreaming again.

You kneeled in front of him and offered him a bottle of water, which he accepted dumbfoundedly. His violet eyes are watching you intently as if Aranaras were dancing on the top of your head. You smiled awkwardly at him, overwhelmed by his focused attention, and cleared your throat, ready to ask him the question you had thought for hours.

He stills his beating heart, afraid that it’ll drown out your words as he awaits anxiously for you to speak.

“You must be parched, here’s some water I got from Sara awhile ago. Don’t worry it’s freshly taken from a clean spring. Anyway, I uhm saw you earlier while I was at the crafting table and I-”

"Wait before you say anything else" He rushes in front of you, grasping your hand while looking down at the ground and saying, "I'm sorry for everything I've done. Although I had my reasons for causing you pain, it does not make it right. I will do anything to regain your forgiveness. I will persevere even if it takes years or more. I love you. I know I'm a disappointment to you most of the time but you still constantly care for me, even when I act and make hasty decisions. Amidst my past and painful memories and mistakes, you are the first thing that has ever felt right. I'll always love you even if you turn me away"

Even if it is wrong to hope for your forgiveness instantly, he still clings to it while he looks at you. His face painted in sincerity, as he waits for your response.

“I uh- I’m so sorry to say this but I only saw you today? I asked for your whereabouts and followed you because well you seemed familiar to me and when I saw you staring earlier, I’m reminded of the locket I used to have and how you resemble the person in the picture but I can’t remember why I have it and who you are in my life”

“Wha-what do you mean?”

His entire world was put in chaos as he repeats your word over and over. Forgotten? All those memories gone? He want to latch at you and scream and cry but he can only stare, hand at his chest as it beats too hard and painful for him to even breathe.

“I’m really sorry uh traveler? But guessing from your actions and words we must’ve been linked at some point in the past. I don’t know how I’ve forgotten someone important to me but I’m willing to make new ones with you. How does that sound-?”

He fell silent, even if all the memories you both once shared are gone, taken away when the Greater Lord was forgotten and passed away, along with the memories of the Balladeer, he'll take anything as long as he can stay by your side.

“Kuni, call me Kuni”

"Okay Kuni, how about we start over?" You dusted down your skirt as you stood up and offered your hand to him, “I’m Y/n, researcher of the Knights of Favonious at your service”

You cheerfully saluted him, laughing at your own actions.

“I’m Kuni the Wanderer”

Finally, in the midst of the darkness that has surrounded him all of his life, you shone like the brightest star in his sky, as your light pours through the appearing cracks, chasing after the storm as it breaks through the barrier and free him from his cage.

“The Wanderer huh? So you like to just wander off?”

“Shut up”

“Should’ve called you The Grumpiest”

“Archons…. You’re lucky I love you”

#scaramouche angst #genshin scaramouche #scaramouche x you #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche+x+reader #kunikuzushi #genshin impact #genshin #scaramouche fluff

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thedinochapter · 3 months

Text

illicit affairs.

summary: Natasha and you were in a secret relationship, but you aren’t sure if you can take it anymore.

natasha x fem!reader

warnings: angst and fluff (goes back and forth), secret relationship, hurt/comfort in the middle, no happy ending, possible part 2, fear of abandonment, brief mention of stab wound and blood, although not yet specified is fem!reader. tons of inspiration in a taylor swift song and some lines from the seven husbands of evelyn hugo. (please let me know if i missed anything).

word count: 4 109

a/n: so.. hi. this is a repost of a fic i had on my previous blog and since i'm writing again, i wanted to have it here so u can also get a little taste. like i said in the warnings, this is heavily inspired in a taylor swift song, hence the name of the story. english is not my first language, so i apologize in advance for any mistake.

any feedback, like, reblog and any kind of support will be highly appreciated!

“Baby-”

“No, Natasha, don’t call me baby” You could feel the knot tying up in your throat and the burning sensation in your eyes of tears that you were trying to hold back. You tried to take a breath in an attempt to calm down, but it was in vain, as the pressure on your chest of the heartbreak you were feeling made it hard to even breathe.

Natasha wanted to reach for you and wrap her arms around you until everything that was broken was put back together, but she wasn’t sure if she had the right to do that right now, she knew you needed this space to finally let go. So she stayed sitting in her bed as she watched you pace around the room.

“Can’t you see the fool that you made me? The mess that you made me?” Your voice trembles, and you aren’t sure for how much longer you can keep the tears at bay. Natasha is desperately trying to meet your gaze, but you screw your eyes shut because you know that if you look at her, the little strength you gathered to finally speak would leave you. And you can’t allow that. Not until you’re finished.

One single glance.

That’s all it took. When you walked in the Avengers compound for the first time and were introduced as the new member of the team, the moment you laid eyes on the redhead, you were immediately drawn to her.

Since that day, you quickly became close, and you did everything you could together.

The team was surprised at how fast Natasha took a liking to you, as she always had a hard time trusting new people and letting them in. But there was something about you that was like a breath of fresh air to her, being around you made her feel calm and safe for a reason that she couldn’t understand; and since that feeling was so rare in her life, she decided that it was worth it to keep you close.

The first official mission you had as an Avenger was such an important day to you, and to say you were nervous was an understatement. This was the day you longed for, the day you were going to prove yourself worthy of being in this team, and you couldn’t let that chance go to waste.

Having her made you feel a little more at ease. She was with you every single step of the way, reassuring you that everything would be fine.

And everything was going according to plan, until in the middle of a fight you were left alone and one of the HYDRA soldiers managed to stab your shoulder. You winced in pain, but still took him down. And the other three that came after that one.

Your shoulder was bleeding out and some tears started to well in your eyes because of the physical pain you were feeling, you dropped to your knees exhausted.

“Y/n!” You heard fast footsteps approaching you, and you smiled weekly when you saw the redhead running your way. When she reached you and noticed the wound, her expression quickly changed to fear.

“I’m okay Nat” You tried to reassure her as you saw the frown that overtook her beautiful features. It surprised you a little how worried she looked, was she really so scared of losing you? Did she care about you that much to feel that way?

“We’re going back to the compound, and I’m going to take care of that wound” She said softly while caressing your cheek. And god, it really all felt better when you had her touching you, like everything was going to be alright.

An hour later and you find yourself sitting in Natasha’s bathroom counter, waiting for her to get her first aid kit, so she can stitch you up.

She gets back to you and can sense by the small bouncing of your leg that you were feeling somewhat nervous, so she smiles at you reassuringly, “You’re going to be fine, I got you”. Somehow, you felt like that wasn’t a simple statement, it was a promise that she was always going to be there for you, and you trusted that with every beat of your heart. You return the smile and immediately relax under her touch.

It was a little painful, and you winced a few times, but it was over before you knew it. “All done” Natasha said while looking back at you and giving you a kiss on your forehead.

You let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding, and with that also some tears started to roll down your cheeks. Natasha looks back at you concerned at the sudden change and gets closer to you to wipe away the tears. You lean into the palm of her hand that settled on your cheek.

“What’s wrong, detka (baby)?”

“It was my first mission and I got hurt, Nat” You sobbed, “They’re going to think that I’m a failure”

It was the first time that Natasha saw you breaking down, and she felt a pain in her chest that she couldn’t quite understand. All that she knew is that she wanted to take care of you.

“Y/n, we all get hurt sometimes. You still did such an amazing job out there, you took out so many HYDRA soldiers on your own and that’s fucking impressive” You chuckled through your tears “I promise you that you did good, dorogoy (sweetheart)”

You nodded and gave her a tired smile.

Natasha saw how your expression stayed sad and her conviction of wanting to look after you grew stronger. She ached to do anything in her power just to make you feel better.

So she picked you up from the counter as softly as she could to take care of your injured shoulder. Her warmth made you feel at ease almost instantly. It caught your attention how safe you quickly felt, but you didn’t want to overthink it. You just knew you needed that warmth, you needed Natasha. So you nuzzled in the crook of her neck and focused on her scent as she carried you to bed.

Natasha placed you gently on one side of her bed and tucked you in. You hummed appreciatively, but grew worried when you saw her walking away from you; you stopped her by grabbing her by the wrist and looked up at her as she faced you. She could see the silent plea in your eyes, that you didn’t want her to be away from you, not even an inch.

“Don’t go, Tasha, please. Stay” Another silent thought that you couldn’t voice out: ‘I need you’.

“I’m not going anywhere, detka. I was just going to get to my side of the bed” You let go of her, feeling a little ashamed of being so needy.

The redhead got into bed and settled next to you, but there was still a little space between you. She was looking at you with such care, there was nothing but pure love behind those eyes, and you hoped that your expression was mirroring hers, and you were also looking back at her with the same love.

“Is it okay if I hold you?” She asked almost in a whisper, not wanting to break the peaceful moment you were having. You nodded eagerly and felt her strong arms pulling you closer to her.

One of your legs draped over hers and your arms hugged her middle, as you settled once again in the crook of her neck. You breathed in her scent and could feel how all the pressure and anxieties you were feeling lifted off your shoulders. At that moment, you swore that it was now your favorite place in the world to be in, you were certain that there wasn’t a safer place to be in than Natasha’s arms.

She just hugged you as closer to her as she possibly could and started to softly scratch the back of your head while leaving little kisses on top of it. Natasha also felt at peace with you in her arms.

Both of you fell asleep in each other’s arms that night, without knowing that you were also falling for each other.

Natasha snaps back from the memory as she hears you speak again.

“And I’m just so tired of this, Nat, so fucking tired. I’m tired of only getting to love you when we are in this bedroom, of thinking my every move when we aren’t alone, there are times that I have to stop myself before reaching for your hand” Your voice come out ragged as you struggle to speak, and you run your hand through your hair exasperated.

Her heart drops and tears of her own start welling up in her eyes. Her worst fear was coming true in front of her eyes, you were going to leave her. She was going to lose you for good, and she had no one to blame but herself.

A crushing pain started to creep up her body, and she is reminded of all the moments that led up to this one. Sometimes people would find themselves in the breaking moment of a relationship and would ask themselves ‘how did we end up here?’. But Natasha knew exactly how.

It had been five months since your first mission. Since that moment, you became a key element in every mission the Avengers had. Everyone was thrilled to have you on the team, there wasn’t anything that you couldn’t amount; of course, some missions were harder than others, but you always came back to the compound with a triumph. With every success your confidence grew stronger, and you were finally starting to feel like a hero, like this was the place you were meant to be all along.

You actually just came back from a solo mission that was supposed to be quick and easy, something that you could do in the blink of an eye. But it got a little complicated when you got caught in the middle of a crossfire as you were about to board the Quinjet back home, which no one had anticipated.

As always, you still managed to get out of there, with the mission completed and not a single scratch in your body.

Your favorite thing after coming back was going to Natasha’s room and enjoying each other’s company while watching a sitcom. Those simple moments with her kept you grounded and, without you realizing, they also gave you a reason to come back home, because you now had someone waiting for you.

This time wasn’t any different, and you were telling the redhead about what happened, as you laid your head on her lap and she absentmindedly caressed your back. But you felt her body tensing and her movements stopping when you told her so lightly about all the bullets that could’ve gotten to you.

“Y/n, you need to be more careful next time” Natasha said with desperation in her voice “If anything were to happen to you, detka …” She couldn’t continue talking as the thought of losing you crossed her mind.

You turned to look up to her when you heard the change in her voice and saw the same expression she had when she found you with a stab wound in your first mission. This time it was worse though, because adding up to the fear in her eyes, there were also some tears welling up.

“Oh, honey” You sat up to face Natasha who was looking down at her fidgeting hands. She had lost too many people in her life, sometimes she lived scared that one day everyone she loved would disappear.

You place your fingers on her chin to slightly lift her head to meet her eyes, your other hand reaches hers to stop her nervous movements. You hated to see her like this; if you knew she was so affected, you would’ve been more thoughtful with your words.

“I’ll be more careful next time, Nat. I promise”. You brushed away the few tears that escaped her, and switched positions to have her lying on your chest, making sure that she could feel your heartbeat while softly whispering reassurances that you weren’t going anywhere.

If this was what Natasha needed every time you came back from a mission, you would do it for her. No matter how tired, how injured or how bad the mission was for you, she would be the first thing you searched for the moment you set foot on the compound, so she could see that you didn’t leave her.

Being completely honest, Natasha was always going to be the first thing you looked for, no matter the circumstances. Luckily, you were always going to find those beautiful green eyes looking back at you. And you secretly hoped that you would never stop meeting her gaze.

Natasha never felt so cared for, she would cry if she thought about it too much.

No one saw her like you did. You saw her for everything she was, the badass Black Widow, but also the woman behind that persona. A woman who couldn’t stop smiling when Wanda finally cooked a Russian dish, a woman that could tell all the dialogues from the James Bond movies, a woman who would often ask to braid your hair because it made her feel a little better if she had a bad day; a woman that hated all her battle wounds scars when the only thing you wanted to do was kiss them all; a woman who had fears and insecurities even though she tried to hide them, which you were learning to treat and care for.

You loved her despite it all, and Natasha could feel that. She spent so many times carefully building walls to protect her heart, but the longer you spent together, the more she could feel all those walls crumbling down. It was a little scary, she never felt this hard for someone before. But with you, she also felt like it was finally safe for her to fall.

Natasha shifted to sit on your lap and face you. Eyes shining with nothing but adoration, you offer her a smile. She returns the gesture but looks down at your lips, she wonders how they would feel against hers, how it was to kiss someone that her heart longed for.

You feel one arm around your waist that pulls you in, and you find yourself really close to Natasha’s face, her lips just a breath away. God, you can feel how your body is begging for you to lean in and kiss her. She brings her other arm up and caresses your cheek with her thumb.

“Can I kiss you?” Natasha asks. You nod because you are sure your words are going to fail you.

She slowly leans in, taking her time in case you suddenly changed your mind and wanted to stop her. But all you could feel was the expectation shaking in your bones; she was taking her time, but after so much longing and painfully pining for each other, it was going to happen.

Finally, you feel her lips softly against your. She first wraps your bottom lip and then kisses you in a way so delicate that you were afraid you were dreaming. Natasha pulls you in by the waist even closer, and your hands find their way to her neck as you deepen the kiss.

Her tongue asks for permission, and you grant it; there is no fight for control, you’re just discovering this new feeling together and savouring every new sensation that runs through you.

You pull away and gasp for air, not only because of the kiss, but also because you were overwhelmed with emotions. Natasha rests her forehead carefully against yours. All your senses were now overtaken by the woman in front of you, the feelings of love and devotion were spiralling in every corner of your body, and you find the same emotions spiralling in Natasha’s eyes. You feel tears of joy welling up in yours.

“You’re the best first kiss I ever had” She whispers.

“Nat, I’m not your first kiss”

“You are. You are my first kiss with someone I’m truly in love with, detka” The tears start rolling down at her confession. She cups your face in her hands, “You are the one I love, y/n”.

You can feel the fight in you leaving as you remember your first kiss, you can feel how it is harder to breathe, and you can feel the warmth in your cheeks of the tears that finally let loose, you furiously wipe them away, but it’s no use because from that moment, they don’t stop falling.

You struggle to get the next words out as air fails to fill your lungs, “It’s like I only get half of you, Nat. It’s just too painful, and I can’t do it anymore. I thought I was strong enough, that I could ruin myself a million times for you just to then get to wake up next to you, but that isn’t enough.”

The sound of the alarm wakes the both of you. A groan escapes you, and you try to cuddle Natasha impossibly closer, as you were already lying on her chest while you held each other tight.

The redhead stirs awake and as her arms unwrapped your body to softly stretch, you knew it was time for you to leave your girlfriend’s room.

“Do I really have to leave, Nat?” You asked, expecting that this time the answer would be different.

Natasha never knew how to answer without causing you pain, so she just kissed your nose and looked at you in an apologizing manner, an unspoken ‘I’m sorry, but you have to leave’.

You gave her a quick kiss on the lips and got out of bed to put on the clothes that were scattered on the floor. It never got easier, it actually got harder every time, and you weren’t sure if you were strong enough to go on for much longer. That thought terrified you, because you knew what it meant.

She watched you leave her room without even looking back at her, and she can’t help but think that you’re slipping through her fingers.

Natasha could sense your unhappiness with the situation, although you dismissed it with a ‘it’s okay’ and a smile every time she said ‘no’ again. There was something missing for you, and even though she did her best to fill that emptiness with every small moment she could offer, those moments were still secret. And she knew that wasn’t what you wanted.

She could feel it every time you looked at her from across the room at every meal shared with the rest of the team because you actually wanted to sit next to her and not in the farthest seat you could find, or when you brushed your hand against her without even realizing that you were in public, because her body involuntary looked for the redhead’s touch; or when you stood there in the kitchen when everyone was getting breakfast telling her with your eyes that you would give her a good morning kiss if you could.

Every look, every word that was said between the two of you in front of everyone was a lie. It was only true when you were in the privacy of her room.

Natasha’s logic of keeping it a secret was only getting weaker if the result she got was pushing you away, when the result she wanted was quite the opposite.

Because of the trauma of abandonment she carried with her, she thought that if she kept you as close and kept your relationship as protected from the outside world as she could, then nothing or no one would get inside and ruin it. And she would never have to face the fear of losing you.

She was slowly starting to realize that it was her own insecurities that had already tainted the relationship. And she now feared that she already pushed you too far away and wouldn’t be able to reach you.

You put Natasha's hoodie over your head, making sure that nobody sees you leaving her room and even trying to make your steps more quiet, so you don’t make any noise. Luck wasn’t on your side today, though, as you ran into Bucky.

“Hey Y/n, what are you doing up so early?”

“Could ask the same thing about you, Barnes” You said with a cheeky grin on your face, trying to avoid the topic.

He sees your flushed cheeks and is curious, because why the hell would you be flushed at 4 a.m in the morning, “You seem heated, are you okay?” You try to keep your composure when the question caught you off guard, ‘Can he tell I had sex?’

“I went for a run, I couldn’t sleep” Quickly you find an excuse, and you think it worked. But the thing is that Bucky had just come back from a run for the same reason, and he didn’t see you anywhere. He arches an eyebrow at you, but he doesn’t question any further, which you secretly thank him for. You bid him goodbye, and almost raced back to your room.

As soon as you reached it, you collapsed with tears. Your body slid against the door, and you hid in your knees as sobs wrecked your body.

Hiding in and out just to share a few alone moments with Natasha was draining you out. You were trying to hold on for the sake of whatever relationship you had, because you felt that for Natasha it was worth it, that you were going to be content with any little you could get from her. But now you weren’t so convinced about that anymore.

You couldn’t even stay and sleep in with her, even though you did that when you were friends, Natasha was paranoid of every behavior that could raise any suspicion. No matter what you said, you couldn’t reason it out with her. So you just accepted it as it was.

You felt like a dirty little secret, like you had to conform yourself with clandestine meetings and stolen stares. Maybe you weren’t worth it enough for Natasha to take the risk, maybe she didn’t love you as much as she promised she did.

All these memories are a turmoil in your head right now, and you just want to collapse on the floor and cry out all the pain you’ve been holding.

Natasha is still sitting on the corner of her bed, but you can now hear the soft whimpers of her crying, regretting every single moment that she could’ve made it better but chose not to.

Every time she denied you was like hurting you with little scratches, thinking that she could always push it further and have space for one more. Too caught up in her own fears, she couldn’t see how much she was hurting you. Now, she had to witness you bleeding out in front of her eyes.

“It feels like I have to wait until we are alone to finally love you. All I wanted was to be truly yours, but it seems like I’m only yours when there’s no one around us and I can’t live with my heart half-broken all the time”

You finally looked up to see Natasha and you absolutely hated the view, it was never easy to see her hurting. But this time you had to be a little selfish and put your hurt above hers.“Maybe I cannot love you enough to make you mine and that it’s just too much pain to keep bearing”

“Y/n, I-” Natasha wants to say something, but she doesn’t know what, because she knows that you’re right, and she isn’t sure if she can change in that instant for you. That felt so wrong, she should’ve been able to do anything just to make you stay.

When you notice that she doesn’t follow up, you know she has nothing to add. And you said everything already. So there’s only one thing left to do: you have to leave.

“Good-bye, Nat” You whisper, breaking into a sob.

When Natasha comes back to her senses, you’re already gone. She doesn’t find the strength to go after you, as the heaviness of the heartbreak she was feeling keeps her weighed down in the corner of her bed.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha x y/n #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha romanoff #dino's own fanfics 🦕

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