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keyboardsmashess · 2 months ago

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The Siren, or The Heart of the Matter

Chapter Twenty Five: The Visitor, or Eight Harry Potter Movies and One Second of Bravery

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC

Warnings: language, eventual smut, fluff, angst, canon-typical violence MINORS DNI. A/N: I want to give a disclaimer about the media mentioned in this chapter - Harry Potter is an important world to Cleo (because it's an important world to me), but neither I nor my fictional characters support the author or her incredibly harmful beliefs. Trans women are women, trans men are men, trans rights always and forever. Enjoy the chapter, lovelies <3

Summary: Cleo and Bucky bond, growing closer than ever. What will happen next?

Chapter Directory

I burst into the common room with gusto, shocking Bruce into spilling his glass of water.

As he mops it up, Tony side-eyes me. “You’re awfully chipper this afternoon, Glowstick.”

I smile at my friends and twirl, arms spread wide. Steve chuckles at my exuberance, and I think I see the ghost of a smile flit across Bucky’s face. “I’m the chipperest, Antonia. Do you want to know why?”

His eyes narrow. “I don’t know that I do, to be honest.”

I grab a cup of coffee, patting Betty affectionately, and hop onto a barstool next to Nat. “Well tough shit, I’m going to tell you anyway.” I take a sip of my coffee, pausing for dramatic effect, and grin widely. “I just got word that the final draft of my dissertation has been approved, and the committee is ready to schedule my defense!”

“Cleo, that’s fantastic! Congratulations!” Bruce smiles at me from across the counter.

Tony gives me a small round of applause and, at the confused looks of a few of the others, he explains, “That means she’s almost done with her PhD. This is the last step before we have to start calling her Doctor.”

“Oh wow, way to go, Cleo!” Steve says, clapping me on the back.

Nat nudges me with her shoulder. “Nice work, genius.”

Clint grins winningly, spreading his hands. “Dr. The Siren, I like it.”

I burst into laughter, soaking in the support of my friends, but the genuine smile of affection I catch on Bucky’s face might be the best congratulations of them all.

“Thank you. I’m definitely excited, but I’m not finished yet. I have to find a time to go to Culver so I can have the defense in person. My thesis advisor just emailed me and said he couldn’t convince the board to do this part remotely.”

Tony moves for his phone, but I stop him. “Nuh-uh. No more pulling strings with your ‘considerable charm and influence.’ You’ve done more than enough already, and besides - I like the idea of doing this last part in person.”

He shrugs, going to the fridge and pulling out a carton of blueberries. “Suit yourself.”

Steve gives me a nervous look. “I hate to say this Cleo, but with everything going on - with The Philosopher still out there - it might not be the best idea.”

I put my coffee mug down and level a hard look at him. “I appreciate your concern, but this is happening. I don’t care if I have to hitchhike there in disguise - I’m defending my dissertation and getting my degree.”

He thinks for a moment, that worried look still on his face. “Will you at least let one of us come with you?”

I sigh, but smile. It’s weirdly nice to know someone worries about me. “Sure, Big Guy.”

I’m about to turn to Nat and ask if she wants to road trip with me when Bucky speaks up. “I’ll do it.”

Tony’s mouth drops open, and a blueberry falls out and rolls across the counter. “Did the Manchurian Candidate really just volunteer for something?” he mutters to Bruce.

Bucky frowns at Tony. “I just figured since I’m immune to her powers and all, it would make the most sense for me to go.”

Steve smiles and looks at Nat with an unreadable expression. She clears her throat. “I completely agree - Barnes makes the most sense.” Clint and Steve both nod, and for a moment I just stare at them, wondering why my friends have such feral gleams in their eyes.

I shake my head and turn to Bucky. “Well… thanks. I appreciate it. And don’t worry - I have it on good authority that I make a great travel companion.” I grin at him and he rolls his eyes, but I can see a tiny smile hiding at the corner of his mouth.

“Alright,” I say, clapping my hands. “I better go work on our travel playlist. You like Taylor Swift, right, Buck?” His groan has everyone else bursting into laughter, and I look over my shoulder at him before heading down the stairs. “Don’t forget - you volunteered.”

******

New secure email from [email protected]

Cleo,

I’ve confirmed the defense of your dissertation with the committee for two weeks from today. I appreciate your understanding of the need to complete this final step in person. Unfortunately, I could not convince them to allow your “colleague” to join us in the room. He will have to wait outside.

It has been a joy working with you during your time at Culver, and I’m quite proud of the progress you have made. Please do consider a career in academia before making a permanent commitment to this little superhero team with which you have found yourself entangled. You are young and intelligent; do not throw that away.

A wise man once said, “Seek truth while you are young, for if you do not, it will later escape your grasp.” Dean Wharton mentioned that a spot in the English faculty may be opening up, and I hope you do not mind that I mentioned you as a qualified candidate for the position. At least give it some thought, for me.

Please let me know if you find yourself with any questions or concerns prior to your defense in two weeks’ time. Until then,

Elias J. Sapros, PhD

Culver University

******

Avengers minus Thor (only use when 🔨 off-planet or to talk shit about Loki)

Lite Brite: My defense will be in two weeks - just confirmed with my advisor

King of the Lab: Sounds great, kid. You and Cyborg can take the Quinjet ✈️

Nat TonyifyouchangemynameagainIsweartogod Romanov: Congrats Cleo

Nat TonyifyouchangemynameagainIsweartogod Romanov: This is very exciting

Captain Boyscout: It took a lot of hard work, finishing your PhD while also training with us. You should be proud of yourself. Sincerely, Steve Rogers

Lab Assistant: Great work, Cleo.

Katniss: We’re going to have to celebrate when it’s all over, Dr. The Siren 😉🍸

Manchurian Candidate: 👍

New secure message from Bucky Barnes

Bucky: Even though we’re taking the jet, we probably still need a playlist.

Bucky: I wouldn’t say no to some Bikini Kill

Bucky: … or Taylor Swift

Cleo: You’re rapidly approaching friendship level four, Buckaroo.

******

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

I thought having my dissertation complete would help ease my anxiety-induced insomnia, but I was wrong. If anything, losing that extra task to focus some of my energy on has made things even worse.

I spend a few nights tossing and turning, not wanting to allow myself to seek out Bucky’s company even though I know he must be awake, too. After my conversation with Dr. B, my therapist, I’m hyper-aware of my feelings for Bucky, which makes being in his presence incredibly challenging. When he’s in the room, my powers go out the window and I’m suddenly spilling food, tripping over air, and my words come out in a jumbled mess.

Worst of all, my fucking crystal has started glowing when I get too warm and fuzzy about him. It’s like a beacon of desperation and embarrassment.

Still, though, my desire to escape the incessant press of my thoughts while alone wins out over my insistence on keeping my distance from Bucky, and I find myself at his door yet again.

He answers almost immediately. “Cleo, hey.” He’s wearing grey sweatpants and a plain tee shirt, but somehow he makes it look like he’s heading for the runway. There’s the barest hint of a smirk on his face - just enough to have heat flooding my cheeks. And perhaps other areas.

“Hey, Buck. I couldn’t sleep and figured you’d be up, too. I thought maybe you’d want to watch something together?”

He steps back and opens the door, spreading an arm to welcome me inside like always. “What do you have planned for this evening? More kid shows? I have to say, the puppet is growing on me.”

I do my best to suffocate the feelings bubbling up inside me and plop down gracelessly on his couch. “Told you, Zoboomafoo gets everyone eventually.” He chuckles and sits next to me, just slightly closer than normal, and I wish for a moment I’d worn something other than pajama shorts and a tank top with a sports bra. “I thought you could choose tonight.”

Bucky brightens, grabbing a small notebook off his coffee table and flipping through the pages. “I actually have a list - you wanna check something off with me?”

I smile fondly as he hands me the notebook open to a page entitled Movies I Missed. I scan the list, looking for something that piques my interest. “You’ve got a lot of fantasy on here - who knew you were a secret nerd?”

His cheeks flush just a little, and he scratches the back of his neck. “Well, I read The Hobbit when it came out and loved it, so I started with that movie, and then I kept hearing about similar stuff.”

“Oh it isn’t an insult, I’m also a massive nerd. I’ve seen just about everything on this list - multiple times. Since we already started on childhood nostalgia with Zoboomafoo, let’s try Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.” I’m already grabbing his remote and navigating to the movie on Bucky’s StarkTV.

He grins widely. “I’ve been reading the books, so that’s perfect.”

“Now I need to warn you, this is not a perfect franchise,” I say, faux-seriously. “But it’s worth a watch anyway. And if you see me crying, no you didn’t.”

He nods. “Got it. Ditto.” He reaches behind me to pull a throw blanket off the back of the couch and spread it over both our laps, then switches off the lamp on his side of the couch.

“Nice blanket,” I say, and it’s dark so I can’t say for sure, but I think he smiles proudly.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

I get my pajamas on and do my skincare routine, and once I’m fully ready for sleep, I completely bypass my bed, walk out of my apartment, pad down the hall, and knock on Bucky’s door. He’s got it open before I finish knocking.

“HP two?” I ask, and he grins and points to the TV where the movie is already cued up. I sit down on what I’ve started to think of as ‘my’ side of the couch, and Bucky takes his.

As he grabs the throw blanket, he shoots me an embarrassed look. “I, uh, washed it wrong and it shrank a little bit.”

I laugh. “You know, they put the instructions right there on the tag.”

He rolls his eyes. “I do know that… now.”

I inch close enough to fit under the blanket, not quite touching Bucky but certainly nearer than before. “It’s fine. Happens to the best of us.” And really, I think, he is the best of us.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

“Do you want a snack?” Bucky asks from the kitchen.

“Sure!” I reply brightly. “I’m always down for a snack attack.”

Before I can ask what he has, he’s tossing me a bag of baked white cheddar cheetos and a bottle of sweet tea, quite possibly my two favorite food items on the planet. I gape at him. “How did you…”

He grins shyly as he takes his own seat, a few inches closer than the night before. “I pay attention.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

“So let me get this straight,” Bucky says, pausing the movie. We’ve now surpassed his place in the books and have entered uncharted territory for him. “He’s going to let Harry - a goddamn child - enter a deadly competition because a stupid cup said he has to?”

I nod solemnly. “And now you see why Dumbledore is such a polarizing character.”

He narrows his eyes at the screen. “And I thought Fury was bad. This man is not responsible enough to be in charge of a single kid, much less an entire school of ‘em.”

I pat his shoulder. “I know, Buck. I know.”

Bucky sighs deeply and presses play. “Well, I guess we better find out how Harry’s going to be traumatized this time.”

I reach over him and grab a box of tissues from his side table. He gapes at me. “Just in case.”

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

As Sirius falls through the veil, I surreptitiously wipe at my eye, hoping Bucky doesn’t see the tear leaking from the corner. Naturally, he spots it immediately. He wordlessly hands me a tissue.

“Thanks,” I say, sniffling a little. “I’ve seen this a million times, but that never gets any easier to watch.”

“It’s weird,” Bucky says, a thoughtful look on his face. I quirk an eyebrow in question. “That we watch this stuff, knowing it’s going to make us sad. It’s weird that we enjoy seeing characters go through all this shit.”

I pause the movie and shake my head. “I don’t think it’s weird at all. Because at the end of the day, they don’t just go through the shit - they survive it. And watching or reading a story about that helps us believe we can survive our own shit, too. At least, it does for me.”

He studies me, and I blush at his attention. “I guess I’ve never thought about it like that, but you’re right. I’ve always liked stuff like this - that’s probably why. I just thought I was fucked up.”

I look away from his intense blue eyes, uncomfortable under his gaze. “Oh you’re definitely fucked up - just for reasons other than your media choices. If you like moderate-to-severely depressing adventures, I’ve got the show for you. We’re watching Supernatural once we finish these movies.” He nods in agreement, smiling at me gently.

I press play, but I can sense that his gaze doesn’t leave my face for quite some time. I refuse to meet it, staring at the screen until my eyes start to water.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

I’m tired tonight, having gone extra hard with Nat in training to work out a pissy mood she was in for some unknown reason. I hope she’ll tell me eventually, but for now I’m happy to help her hit things until she feels better. I feel my eyes start to droop about halfway through the movie.

I’m not sure who edges over first, but the sleepier I become, the closer Bucky and I move to one another. By the time Harry and Dumbledore get to the cave with the inferi, I’ve fallen asleep.

When I wake up, Bucky and I are both completely horizontal on the couch. I’m using him as a pillow, my cheek and hand resting on the firm planes of his chest, and I feel his metal arm wrapped gently around my waist. I’m surprised at how comforting it feels, this arm that was once such a fearsome weapon. It isn’t scary at all - it’s simply Bucky. And I know that, with Bucky, I’m safe.

I crack one eye open to peer up at his face and see that he’s sleeping soundly. As I close my eyes and allow myself to drift back into sleep, I tell myself I’m just being a good friend.

He hardly sleeps - why would I wake him up? I’m only staying because it’s a nice thing to do.

Yeah, right.

It’s the best damn sleep of my life.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part One)

When Bucky and I finally wake up, the sun is shining in the sky and Steve is pounding on the door. We spring apart like opposing ends of a magnet, neither able to look the other in the eyes. Bucky convinces Steve to wait downstairs, that he’ll get me and we’ll meet him there, and Steve - bless his innocent soul - complies. We don’t speak a word.

At the end of the day, I knock on the door nervously, and Bucky takes so long to answer that I’m afraid he’s going to ignore me completely. Eventually, though, he opens the door, and I force a casual grin as I walk in.

“We’re almost there, Buck - just two more movies.” I plop down on the far end of the couch, closer to the edge than I’ve been since before our first night of shared insomnia.

He dutifully takes the opposite end, smiling stiffly. “Great. Let’s do this.”

We watch the movie in total silence - no commentary, no snacks, no blankets, and absolutely no touching. I hate every second.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part Two)

Bucky answers the door immediately again, and I huff a silent sigh of relief at the normalcy. As I enter his room, I think back to a text I’d gotten from my therapist, Dr. Benally, earlier today.

Dr. B: Are you doing your homework?

Cleo: … yes

Dr. B: I know that means no, Cleo. Do one thing that makes you happy today. Talk soon.

Not looking anywhere close to Bucky’s face, I sit in the center of the couch - near enough to his side that he could choose to sit right next to me, but far enough that he could still take plenty of distance. He pauses for only a moment, but I can see the calculations going on in his mind. To my delight, he sits close to me - our thighs pressing together - and grabs the blanket.

“I know for a fact this one’s going to make me emotional,” he says with a small smile. “I’m gonna need your support.”

I take a deep breath to steel myself and, channeling my inner Gryffindor in a moment of bravery or possibly stupidity, I lay my head on his shoulder and play the movie. “I’ve got you, Buck.”

He stiffens, just for a second, and then relaxes, tentatively wrapping his left arm around my back. “Yeah, I’ve got you, too.”

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sk1fanfiction · 8 months ago

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Chapter Nine: Red Rum, Red Hands

Oh, he’s spotted it,” said Blaise from behind her, his voice giddy with anticipation.

“Who?” asked Parvati.

There was no answer, because Harry and Cedric both seemed to dive in unison, robes snapping in the wind after what must be the Snitch near the ground, far too small to see.

“Now, the technique Potter’s using’s called a Spiral Dive—” Blaise began.

“Shhh,” said Parvati, almost dangling over the railing. “They’re so close!”

The two Seekers were neck and neck, hands outstretched, pressing themselves flatter against their brooms—

Then they both pulled up. Hard. The Snitch must have slipped away.

“Well, wasn’t that hair-raising?” called Lee, and the stadium cheered in approval. “It’s still anyone’s game, sixty to eighty, Gryffindor to Hufflepuff — but Johnson’s currently doing her best to make that score even.”

The tension in Harry’s shoulders as he rose was clear even from far away. The Gryffindor stands yelled encouragement, but he seemed indifferent, unhearing as he watched the swarming chaos of red and yellow below. Cedric looked similarly contemplative.

And then, it happened.

Cedric dove.

“Diggory spotted the Snitch!” called Lee. “With Potter in pursuit — no, where’s Potter, why’s he just sitting there? Earth to Potter!”

“Why isn’t he following?” asked Parvati, the wind from Cedric plummeting blowing her hair back from her face.

She was right; Harry was just sitting there, casual as you please.

What if something’s wrong?

“Wronski Feint,” Blaise supplied. “At least, that’s what Diggory’s attempting. But Harry knows there’s nothing down there.”

Indeed, Harry’s face was tilted towards the sky, scanning the clouds with a tense, quiet determination.

Is that really what he’s doing?

Gryffindor plays Hufflepuff, but, believe it or not, Harry and Cedric's last match-up is far from the most exciting event this Saturday. Read from the beginning at FFN|AO3!

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maysileeewrites · 2 months ago

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bittersweet symphony || series masterlist

Haymitch Abernathy x f!reader

“There might be another option, though”, he says hesitantly. “I don’t know whether it’ll work, and you’re sure as hell not going to like it, Princess.”

You sigh, trying to brace yourself for the worst. “Just tell me.”

He laughs dryly, avoiding your gaze. “Well, we could get - you could marry me.”

Or: Eleven years after the second Quarter Quell, Haymitch Abernathy’s life takes a sudden turn for the unexpected when your name is drawn in the Reaping.

After weathering through a less than ideal start, you slowly start to realize that there’s more to Haymitch than just the drunk, cynical recluse you’ve always known him to be. And though he’d never wanted it to happen, Haymitch starts to feel the walls he’d built to keep everyone away crumbling whenever he’s around you as well.

But the Capitol, and especially President Snow is always watching, and soon enough Haymitch finds himself faced with an impossible choice …

contents & t.w.: mentions of canon-typical violence; angst!!, arranged marriage; slow-burn with a sprinkle of enemies to lovers; age gap! (Haymitch is in his late twenties, Reader is 18 at the start of the story); mentions & discussions of alcoholism; mentions of trauma; eventual smut in later parts; lots and lots of pining and mutual notions of unrequited love; spoilers for SotR (we’ll be encountering many familiar faces throughout the story - also there will be some canon-divergence concerning Haymitch’s arc post-SotR)

AN: After finishing SotR, I just wanted to give Haymitch a big hug. And that’s kind of how this incredibly self-indulgent fic came to be.

I will try to do my best to honor his love for Lenore Dove in a way that doesn’t disregard his growing feelings for Reader. Yes, she’s is an incredibly important part of him and he’ll always love her, but he also deserves some happiness.

Also James Gaisford will forever be my og young Haymitch, so I used a pic of him for the moodboard, even though the Haymitch we’ll encounter here is over a decade older than QQ Haymitch.

key: 🦋 fluff || 🪷 angst || 💫 smut

Prologue 🪷🪷 || After being reaped for the 61st Hunger Games, you and your mentor Haymitch Abernathy are off to a rather rocky start … [5.1k]

Chapter 1 🪷🦋 || Surviving the Hunger Games was only the beginning. As you try to navigate through this strange, terrifying new life, you find comfort in someone you least expected it from, but new threats are already rising … [4.7k]

Chapter 2 🪷🪷🦋 || After your interview with Caesar, Haymitch starts to distance himself from you. What will it take for him to let you in again? [5.3k]

taglist: @sundawn1990 @star611 @psychicfartvendor @madz22 @pervigilatrix @bemissconstrued @neonawax @not-the-teen-witch @luvlyluxx @cocastyle @mannythemunchkin @alitaar @juiceboxfullofslime @imonmyvigilanteshh @queenofnightdreamland @chenellearose @bluecookies08 @laramcflyyyy @nikki-is-a-nerd @jaybbygrl @face-the-grace-blog @knights-of-ni @mel3484 @heidiland05 @qtkarma @things-i-will-never-say-to-you @nyra-42 @eatmyheartdear @jarofshells @fanfiction-she-wrote @dreamer0903 @bfintaks @marissa8208 @milesdrift @iamkookiesforyou

#haymitch x reader #haymitch abernathy #haymitch abernathy x reader #haymitch x you #haymitch x y/n #haymitch imagine #haymitch abernathy x y/n #thg sotr #sotr #sunrise on the reaping #thg #the hunger games #sotr spoilers #sotr book #thg x reader #x reader #bittersweet symphony 🎼#maysileeewrites

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gatorbites-imagines · 8 months ago

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Kinktober day 12

James “Bucky” Barnes + Drool/Spit

This is winter soldier Bucky, so imagine he’s wearing that half face mask he wears in the movie. Hes wearing a mouth guard under it, google says that’s what it’s called. Im also taking canon, and throwing it in the toilet for this.

No outright smut in this, cuz it felt a lil weird to add it, as Bucky kinda sees the reader as a very nice and comforting handler. Readers an Avenger 🗣️

2024 kinktober masterlist

Maybe dressing up as a hydra agent wasn’t your… best idea. But hindsight was twenty-twenty. Steves friend was locked up in a hydra facility near where you had just been for a mission, and you knew he was planning a whole thing to get him out. You also knew that it would be a shitshow if it went his way, did he really think it would work just not telling people? It was a good thing Steve was hot, because sometimes his head was full of dirt.

You hadn’t honestly thought it would work, alright? You just assumed you could sneak in, maybe get some info from their tech, see where they kept the winter solider, and get out of there. The documents had said he would be frozen down, so of course you almost shit yourself when he was wide awake and staring at, the same way a starving dog looks at a steak.

So maybe you tucked him under your arm and just ran outta there. Okay, it wasn’t that comedic. You just used your best “hydra bastard” accent and lingo, and somehow got the winder solider, Bucky? Was that what Steve called him? To follow you out. He seemed almost willing, which didn’t make a lot of sense, since well. You were dressed up as a hydra agent.

You just hadn’t counted for the fact that he would see you as his new handler. This was what you were thinking about as you were sitting on the couch in one of your safe houses. One you had bought, not shield or Stark. You loved Tony, you did, there was just something nice about an apartment that wasn’t bugged from hell and back.

Looking down at the winder soldier- you should start calling him Bucky. At Bucky kneeling by your feet. The moment you got home you changed into something more comfortable, just some sweats and an old t-shirt you stole from an ex who’d been a huge baseball nerd.

“so, uh… Buck..y? what do you wanna like, do” you awkwardly said, scratching at the stubble on your chin from the uneasy tension you felt in the air. Feeling you nuzzle against your knee almost made you jump right out the seat. The yell was choked down before it became a reality as you looked down, frows furrowed in confusion as he just seemed to… nuzzle you.

Hesitantly you reached a hand down, approaching him with the caution one would a feral dog on the street. His pale eyes were kinda creepy, with all that eyeblack smudged around them like that, and how they just laser focused on every little movement you did. Bucky’s hair was oily and uncomfortable as you ran a hand through it. Couldn’t really blame the guy though, could you. you couldn’t imagine hydra was the nicest people to work under.

Bucky seemed to arch into the touch when he realized you weren’t trying to hit him, a choked raspy noise leaving him as his eyes almost rolled all the way back. Hadn’t Steve said hydra had this guy for, like, 70 years? Then you guessed it wasn’t weird for him to ache for any kind of human touch. Youd seen Tony after he was brought back from the cave he was kept in. hed been so touchy but also flinched away from everything. And that was just 3 months, you couldn’t imagine what this guy had been through.

You hadn’t thought about how you were rubbing Buckys head as you mulled over your thoughts, your second hand reaching down to rub his ear and rub a thumb across his cheek, right above that mask of his. You also hadn’t noticed the way his eyes seemed to droop, pupils blowing wide as he leant all his weight against your leg, or how something wet was seeping into your sweats.

It took a while for you to finally come back to yourself, having gone on some long tangent in your head about trauma and how to deal with this guy before you could bring him back to the tower. Looking down you had wanted to apologize, only to see how Bucky looked like he was in heaven, slumped against your knee and eyes barely open a crack as he melted under your hands. The big spot of drool on your leg made you realize how long you had been sitting like this.

“Fuck, uh. Sorry dude, didn’t mean to space out like that” you chuckled a bit dryly, finally pulling your hands back, your heart giving a lurch as he let out a raspy noise. There wasn’t much voice behind it, but it felt like one of those scarred fighting dogs trying to whine. It was… kinda cute in its own way, even if it came from the winter solider of all people.

“That things probably real uncomfortable, huh?” you mumble, eyes landing on that mask of his. With little though behind it, you reach down and carefully search for the release mechanism. It took longer than intended, with Bucky trying to nuzzle into your hands whenever they came close. God this guy was touch starved, hopefully the team would know what to do.

A soft amused huff passed through your lips as you finally got the mask of him, strings of drool hanging from his parted lips against the inside of the material. “Drooly boy, aren’t you” you joked, only for Bucky to let out the faintest of whimpers as he tried to nuzzle against you again.

As he panted with parted lips, you could spot what looked like some kind of cover on his teeth. Had hydra tried to silence him in another way? Was that why he didn’t talk, or was it all trauma? You hadn’t thought about your actions much before you found yourself carefully pulling on his jaw, Bucky leaning his head along as he simply let you do as you pleased.

Bucky let out a louder pleased noise as your fingers slid into his mouth, his tongue rubbing insistently against your fingers as if he was exploring. With a shaky exhale you carefully moved your fingers around, trying to grab onto what was covering his upper teeth. The entire time Bucky seemed more interesting in licking at and sucking your fingers. The movements were too messy to be hydra trained, at least that could help a little on the guilt it made you feel.

Spit was rolling down his chin, Bucky not even seeming to think about swallowing it. With a little struggle, you finally got whatever was covering his teeth off, Bucky trying to follow your fingers as you pulled away, finally realizing that it was a mouth guard. Thick strings of drool hung from the mouth guard and Bucky’s lips and pink tongue, making you shudder.

There was no way you were gonna go down that road, not with how messed up this guy was. There was also that whole thing that he might think you are his handler, so that was something you would explore. Instead you put the mouth guard to the side with his mask, and used your sleeve to wipe all the spit and drool of his face, mumbling soft scoldings at him as Bucky tried to lick you again.

“Lets just go get you cleaned up, alright?” you finally sigh after having to pull your hands to yourself, after he tried to catch them in his mouth again. Bucky seemed more than happy to follow you as you lead him into the bathroom, starting to take his outfit off before you even said anything.

Instinctively you wanted to scold him for just doing that, but seeing him step into the empty bathtub and look at you with those softer, but still blank eyes, made your chest ache just a little more. The shower took a while, with you having to scrub his hair multiple times. You caught him drooling during the entire process, as if he didn’t have full control of his bodily functions. You also saw him get hard, his cock pink and twitching, oozing its own fluids from what must be the first pleasurable touches in years.

You didn’t do anything about it though, instead helping him dry off and wiping his chin as he kissed softly at your palm, like his own way of saying thanks. “You’re welcome. Come on, I’ll get you something to wear” you mumble out, voice softer and more careful as you lead him to your bedroom and find something that’ll fit him.

It was a struggle to get him into bed, the man clearly uncomfortable with how soft it was and unsure of how to lay. Bucky only seem to lay still when you laid down with him, and he only settled after you let him take your fingers into his mouth again.

The action of just sucking and licking put him in a much calmer state, Bucky’s eyes drooping as he melted against the pillow, even as he still stared at you with such intensity. Seeing him fall asleep so easily after everything made it bearable that he was suckling on your fingers and soaking your pillow in drool. You would figure this out, one way or another. Even if it meant letting Bucky drool all over you until you did.

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fafodill · 2 months ago

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On Snape depriving himself sexually...

SO, I got hyperfocused and I hope you'll enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I needed only one person to tell me they were interested so thank you @severus-snaps haha. And thank you @wisteria-lodge for encouraging me !

This is a continuation of my previous post about Snape's relation with intimacy. I'm always a sucker for the pent up and deprived trope and I feel like Snape could fit the profile perfectly. Of course this is complete HC, as we literally have zero information about him having any personal life whatsoever so... pure speculation and meta discussion. Let's have fun, buckle up, here is why I think he'd make a great candidate for it :

Early teens: Many of us tend to interpret Snape as sexually inexperienced. This of course comes partly from his unpopularity in school, a time where teenagers start experimenting a bit. It's hard to imagine the little scrawny greasy potion nerd getting a lot of action. Though I'm open to thinking something might have happened here and there. I mean, girls also like smart and scrawny guys, I would love to read a fic where a Ravenclaw or Slytherin has a crush on him and he's utterly clueless because he's too engrossed in his books and when he realizes he's so flustered and clumsy about it. And they snog in the library and he's so afraid of getting caught by Mrs Pince. But being consistently bullied would have hurt his reputation, thus making people avoid being associated with him to not become targets as well. Also, his bullies were good-looking guys and it may have contributed to highlighting his bad looks in the public eye way more than if he had been left alone. And just with the nickname alone, but you won't tell me James and Sirius never insulted his nose, his hair, his complexion or his thin frame.

So one of the first core belief that might have emerged and latched itself to his sexuality would have been: I'm ugly/repelling.

But we don't have any proof in canon that he wasn't interested in romantic/sexual interactions back then. For all we know, he was a socially awkward teenager going through puberty. Even if he was certainly anxious and angry due to the bullying, he was still going through the same hormone cocktail as everyone.

HC : I've been wondering how the students find places to masturbate in peace and of course we don't exactly know why he invented the Muffliato charm but give me a Snape who was too whimpery to be completely silent and used it for this.

Post SWM though, I think it's safe to assume the trauma scared him unconsciously regarding the subject. Being perceived before wasn't easy, as he was aware he wasn't exactly good-looking and his self-esteem was impacted for sure, but after... oh boy. I can imagine him so traumatized that the mere idea of undressing in the vicinity of people was making his blood freeze. This may have led to hygiene issues as well, or only feeling safe to shower in the dead of night or at times where the dormitories where utterly empty. The shame linked to having his body and underwear exposed could have definitely stunned his sexual awakening as it happened at such a crucial age. How can you safely explore your own sexuality if every time you think about how ugly you are and that so many people saw your body and laughed at it ? (and the adults doing nothing to punish the people who did that hammered the beliefs that he was indeed laughable)

So second core belief added: I'm ridicule.

Also the SWM incident might have triggered his need to cover/shield his body from head to toe at all time and nobody can convince me otherwise.

At the very least I imagine masturbating would then be heavily linked to the anger and shame of that moment. The memory would either unlock or at least impact it unconsciously in some way, marking the act with a profound bitterness or stopping it altogether. The result: every time his body would ask for attention, he'd be overcome with very intense traumatic feelings and have no idea how to deal with them; so he'd start recoiling instinctively from any sexual thought. Also, since undressing/changing clothes became a triggering act, being even partially nude to touch himself would also stress him immensely.

So instead of indulging, he'd start developing coping mechanisms like focusing on anything else that brought him a sense of pleasure to trick his brain : potions, the dark arts, creating spells etc.

And of course, we can assume that even if someone was trying to approach him at that point, he'd recoil like a wounded animal, expecting mockery and reacting very aggressively.

After Hogwarts: We don't know what might have happened during his 3-4 years after school. We have a lot of creative space, though we know he got a Potion Mastery (??) so he must have studied somewhere and he was active within the DE circles. As @maxdibert pointed in a few posts - which I think is an astute point - the Dark Lord was aware of the affection/attraction Severus had felt towards Lily and, to prove his disinterest, he might have engaged with a few pureblood women. We could speculate on different situations here (and if anyone's interested we could explore this), but as I'm going for deprived!Snape, I'd say it wasn't helpful. At this point he's a young adult, torn between his inexperience and his limboing self-esteem. On top of that he's a deeply proud individual, obsessed with controlling the way he's being perceived. He's already occlumenting his emotions to remain safe, and well, engaging sexually does require some sort of vulnerability he isn't capable of at that point.

Maybe he said some harsh things to his partners when confronted with his clumsiness (even if they were kind), maybe he got bit back (and deserved it). He'd use these instances as confirmation bias to convince himself intimacy wasn't something emotionally safe, interesting nor even remotely pleasant enough.

Then there's Lily's death, and I personally don't see her as having a lot of influence on his sexuality directly (except maybe for the fact that when he had feelings for her, he might have felt she was 'too pretty for him', which fed the first core belief), but it did fuel a ton the last core belief which is : I'm undeserving (because I'm a bad person).

The undeserving part existed prior to her death. It stemmed from his upbringing (undeserving of care), of his social status (undeserving of material comfort), his blood status (undeserving of opportunities), his social awkwardness (undeserving of friendship), his special interest in the dark arts (undeserving of respect).

Lily's death crystallized such deep guilt inside of him that he devoted his life after that to atoning. I'm a firm believer that there's a clear before and after regarding the way he treated his body. Not that things were drastically different, but it made it worse. He ate less, slept less and touched himself even less. Probable not at all for a good few months, maybe even up to a year or so as he was extremely stressed from his new job, depressed and overcomed with grief. Honestly, at that point in his life he was barely functioning.

Then we have his adult life at Hogwarts: at that point in his life he's working and living where his worst trauma occurred. Not great for healing. During those years, he mastered the art of shutting down with occlumency everything he couldn't deal with, including his body's basic needs. He had excuses for everything. Sleeping? How could he rest when he had so much work to do dealing with the little shitheads and that infuriating Headmaster? Eating? Pfft, he had been fine all his childhood, so now he'd eat what he needed to function, but craving something and getting it wasn't something he'd allow himself. Masturbating? Tricky part, because he almost never thought about it anymore. He would not even treat it as a basic need. Like, sleep and food were still required to function, even in limited amount or he would pass out, but he could function without sex. Bottom line is, deep down he would feel undeserving of any sort of pleasure.

Rewarding his body, taking care of it wasn't allowed. It was part of his self-inflicted punishment.

But it would be still natural for his body to seek sexual release from time to time. He'd have hard-ons sometimes in the morning and ignore it until it went away, maybe take a cold shower or - why not - even take a potion he'd have invented to calm it down (or worse, to make it hurt so it would go down, if you want to go the masochistic way). The way I see it, every time he'd have an unwanted sensual/sexual thought (oh, this person at the Three Broomsticks has disarmingly pretty lips, this other person's got very elegant hands, or this one's hips look live they're meant to be grabbed), he'd shut it down immediately.

Fantasizing wouldn't be pleasant either. Each time, it would trigger the self-depreciating thoughts. Who are you fooling ? This person would never touch you, never look at you. And if they did, you wouldn't deserve it and would fuck it up anyway. Faceless people then, but it would still always be tainted with the ghost of years of bitterness, loneliness and unmet needs. So it'd be easier to pretend he doesn't have them or doesn't care. Of course this would do nothing to soothe his sour mood (and here talking from experience: I've been sexually frustrated quite a lot in my twenties, and I can definitely say that the mental relief you feel alongside the physical release when you get it is quite something. Like, I'd be a changed person, just because chemically my brain would finally be swimming again in endorphins. So yeah, at that point in his life I believe he's in dire need of a good shag and is partly always on edge because of this).

And when he would indulge in masturbation, it'd be because he's too tired to fight it or just because he knows that if he does, his body would leave him alone for a while. It would be quick, mechanical, in the dark, the mess cleaned up immediately and then forgotten about. The less thinking involved, the better so it wouldn't trigger the core beliefs. Maybe it'd happen when being tipsy after a night out with the other professors, or just when he was too stressed or exhausted at the end of terms and it was his body's way of asking for a break and a distraction.

I think he'd be also more prone to having his sexual needs resurface when he's not at Hogwarts and the mental toll of being there isn't weighing on him (maybe during summer or maybe even if he goes into the Forbidden Forest to gather potion ingredients, or a trip to Diagon Alley). He would find it really annoying, not realizing how the two are linked.

Then how would he be dealing with the constant tension and redirecting the release ? (fun stuff)

I think he could get a sick pleasure from being able to not indulge for long periods of time, thriving on his sense of control. He'd maybe even feel shame when he finally does, chastising himself for being weak.

When too tired to notice, late at night in his office, his body would hijack control a little bit and he'd start rubbing himself unconsciously with one hand while correcting essays and immediately stop upon realizing.

He'd be a GREAT candidate for edging. Like telling himself that if there's no release it doesn't count and he could get some pleasure whilst still shaming and punishing himself. Maybe sometimes even without touching himself directly, just letting the fabric rub on him, while shifting his hips just a bit. A good compromise he wouldn't want to analyze too closely.

Being pent up all the time makes one irritable, so some of that tension is fueling his already short-tempered nature and getting out by lashing out at idiots. It would also be a way to... spill out but with words (classy I know).

I don't see him doing any sport to get endorphins and relieve tension (though he does prowl the castle at night, that counts as walking haha).

The only part of his body I could see him pay attention to would be his hands as he uses them for potion work. He could be proud of their dexterity and I can imagine him taking care of them. Like, once of twice a week he'd put a cream or an ointment (self-made ofc) and massage his fingers and palms. Nothing sexual about it but it would be the closest he has to a gentle self-touch.

But mostly, his sole source of pleasure would still come from focusing on his interests. Working all night on improving a new potion, loosing himself in the method and appreciating his own skills, or reading about and experimenting with the Dark Arts (I don't think he ever stopped seeking knowledge, which is why he was able to save Dumbledore's ass from Marvolo's ring). These two things are his private garden, something that's inherently his despite everything, and it would be his way of pleasuring himself in an acceptable way: intellectually.

But what about the people around him or potential partners ?

He'd hate any sexual jokes or comments about him or in general. Sexually open people would make him angry (jealous). It'd irk him. As it's such a loaded and repressed subject for him he'd see them as flaunting their unspoken good experiences. He'd try to unconsciously shame them into silence by telling them they're being inappropriate. At the end of the day, it's just his way of protecting himself because he wouldn't know how to navigate the conversation, and his pride wouldn't let him feel ridiculed again.

He would also hate being looked at, even clothed. People judging his body would definitely trigger the awful memory from SWM. He would struggle immensely to accept the possibility of being looked at in an appraising way. If someone was sincere and stubborn enough to convince him they're not lying, he'd be extremely confused and wary.

And if he was to be attracted to that person as well, he'd have to deal with an almost second puberty on top of his core beliefs. He'd be so clumsy, so out of touch with his body and very frustrated with all the unwanted sensations he's not used to deal with. And that's such an interesting and fascinating subject aaaah.

At the end of the day, deep down he doesn't believes he deserves pleasure or comfort in his life so a partner would have to be patient with him. There's a lot of strategies they could try and I'd be delighted to explore them but I'm gonna stop here because this essay is so long already haha. SO, in conclusion:

He needs a good shag.

Thank you for reading.

UPDATE: go here to read how to bed deprived!Snape

I'd love to discuss how it would go with different characters trying to approach him, or I could talk about the classic trope of losing control because of his short temper but with him deprived, so many possibilties aaah, I love it when he's angry AND horny AND clumsy-

Also, my current favorite oneshot of deprived!Snape here : Cursed into Temptation by @marvel-snape-writes (very smutty, amazing, I'm on my knees)

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maxdibert · 18 days ago

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Can you please made some Marauders’ era hc? Including the Slytherins and Pandora and those people

But guys, remember please: these are headcanons and long live fanon because fuck canon and fuck JKR, ok? And it’s all canon because fanon is the new canon now

James actually didn’t want to marry Lily, but since he got her pregnant, he had no other choice, his parents forced him. Then he thought about it and figured it wasn’t so bad, because marrying a mudblood made him look like a super progressive guy and boosted that hero image he wanted so badly. Plus, he loved doing things for others and now he could “give Lily a better life.”

Remus was the typical nice boy who acted all saintly, but rumor has it that as an adult he had like 3 or 4 illegitimate kids out there he never took responsibility for (this idea courtesy of @lilithofpenandbook ).

Sirius once ran over his cousins’ house elf with his motorbike during a family gathering after getting absolutely wasted, but since he didn’t consider them people — just slaves — he didn’t really care. It was actually the first and only time he genuinely laughed along with the other Blacks.

Peter had a height complex and Voldemort promised to make him taller if he joined him, and that’s literally the whole story.

Lily didn’t know how to have female friends. Every school year she had a new girl group she’d always fall out with, and then she’d go around telling terrible stories about them to the next group, always playing the victim. Truth is, the girl had a total borderline personality and constantly needed to be the center of attention, and when she wasn’t, she’d stir up drama. That’s why, in the end, her only friends were James’s friends.

Pandora Rosier wasn’t actually a real Rosier but one of those Rosierres from France, who had nothing to do with the UK Rosiers. But people kept confusing her with them until Evan Rosier hung her from the Ravenclaw Tower for half a day for “disgracing his family.” No one helped her because she was a loner nerd, just like her daughter would be.

Marlene McKinnon was a total simp for Sirius Black, even though she was two years older. Sirius, of course, never gave a damn about her after hooking up a couple of times. So in her seventh year, she got with some guy to try to make him jealous. Obviously, it didn’t work, but she did end up pregnant with that guy’s kid. Both the guy and the kids died with her during the war.

Dorcas Meadowes was homophobic and had issues with several members of the Order because of it, so she mostly kept to herself. That’s why Voldemort offed her. Dumbledore didn’t go to the funeral, of course.

Mary McDonald was Lily’s minion. Always trailing after her like a House Elf. She thought that by hanging around Lily, the boys would notice her too but when they looked her way, all they saw was Evans’s personal servant.

Barty Crouch Jr decided to become a Death Eater after seeing a photo of young Tom Riddle Jr. and developing a massive crush on him. For Barty, Voldemort was like Harry Styles for 15-year-old girls. The problem was, he knew Bellatrix Black felt the same way, and that’s where a petty, nasty rivalry started between them for the Dark Lord’s attention.

Evan Rosier had serious anger issues, and more than joining the Death Eaters out of pureblood supremacy, he did it because it gave him a pass to beat up Mudbloods, which was really the only thing he cared about. It was a way to let off steam outside his house and stay out of trouble with his parents.

Regulus Black, to everyone’s surprise, was named #1 fan at the Dark Lord Fan Club before anyone even knew he wanted to join his ranks. This absolutely pissed off Barty and his cousin Bellatrix, who eventually were the ones to give Voldemort the idea to get rid of Kreacher.

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deswhomst · 2 months ago

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james potter has always had an unfair disadvantage in the books and i think about it daily. we know that he was a good person because we are told by multiple people that he was. however, the only times we see him (in flashbacks) is through the eyes of his enemy and those were probably some of his worst moments as a person.

let me preface this by saying that i don’t condone what happened in snape’s worst memory, i just don’t. i know some people who truly hate snape say that he deserved it (that’s scary to me that people say this btw) but he was literally just minding his own business in his corner when james and sirius went after him, completely unprovoked (i believe the exact reasons were that sirius was bored and snape existed). now that we’ve established that i’m not going to justify or excuse the bullying, i would also like to point out that this one memory does not define james. the only reason he is perceived as “just a bully” by a number of people is because that is all that we were shown.

one of the many reasons i love james so much is that he grew and matured as a person but this does not mean that he was a monster before he changed some of his behavior. let me highlight everything good about james, both before and after seventh year:

we talk about the prank surrounding wolfstar but what about james? did everyone forget that james is the reason that snape (his worst enemy) didn’t die, and that he is the reason that remus (and sirius) did not become murderers? and go to azkaban? james was fifteen at the time but while sirius didn’t realize or care about the consequences of what he did, james instantly understood and intervened to avoid what could have happened. he was not stupid. not evil.

he created a safe place for sirius. no matter how tough sirius is, it is Not easy to open up to someone about your family issues. not only that, sirius had a room ready for him when he left his house and it probably added to him being able to leave in the first place.

james grew up in the wizarding world and he naturally adopted the generally accepted beliefs. we know he was against slytherins before before ever having met one but the wizarding world also hated werewolves. we are all probably desensitized to remus being one by now but i’m sure to a twelve year old pureblood, it was insane news but james accepted remus and became an illegal animagus to help him.

james recognized his faults on his own. he “deflated” his ego as he grew older and stopped doing the things that made him bad. yes, he still fought snape but we don’t have the context of what these fights would have been like and who initiated them. also, snape was an aspiring DE and the war had become more prominent by then so can’t blame him for hexing him then.

he was very very much against the way muggle-borns were treated as well. he willingly joined a war fresh out of school to protect them, which is something people just brush over like it’s not a big deal? also, at that time, voldemort was very much in power and the order was lowkey losing and probably would have without lily and harry.

james was the heart and soul of the marauders i do not accept any criticism on this. there is a reason the marauders fell apart the day he died (i know the reason lmao but let me have this)

this is just the what i remember from canon (i have not read the books in some time). and this is all just to say, yes james was arrogant and a bully but that was not all he was. he was also loving and caring and brave and intelligent and he was a leader and he had messy hair and he used to wear glasses and he was a jock but he was also a nerd and he was a stupid silly guy and an asshole.

#james my beloved #james potter #marauders #marauders era #dead gay wizards #dead gay wizards from the 70s #hp marauders #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #jegulus #harry potter

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shapelytimber · 10 months ago

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Look, social media aus are very dumb but fun to do fklxkdk Illya would make short videos (mostly) about fashion, and Napoleon would be very unsubtle about being a Spy

I am formally apologizing to the uncle fandom for tiktoker Illya Kuryakin, I have no regrets (also @quijicroix is part responsible, being my evil advisor)

Here are the posts in details, and the profile pics :)

[COMMISSIONS]

No process this time, just me yapping for way to long about every choice and refs that went into this dumb au below vvv

Illya is younger than Napoleon (I usualy headcanon him at around 25 and Napoleon 35ish), so I think their use of social media would be quite different : hence Illya on Tiktok and Napoleon on Instagram. Also it's not the 60s so Illya can be like 10% less reppressed :)) but as a debuff Napoleon now has the technology to call him a nerd

Illya's page started as a cover for some affair, but he ended up kinda enjoying doing it in his free time. It's like a hobby for him, a way to experiment with fashion ! It's what made him want to pursue fashion design as a career after his curent spy job. And also I think he gets more and more nervous the more followers he gets, because as a spy having a chance to get recognise in the street is really bad dkdldlos Napoleon teases him endlessly that he became a tiktoker (as he should)-

Did I, at one point in the project, had to scrap the thirst trap idea to keep the fashion nerd vibes ? Yes I did, but just know he uses the "twink" tag :)

• The first post is a ref to the discotheque affair, not the best episode and a great miss for not including a disco Illya outfit, so I made him one to match the other :D

• The second is to the Hot number, but he gets to wear the thrush pattern !

• The third one is what made me do all of this ! Because, if you're not french, you might not know about one of my favorite yearly twitter threads : Met Gala outfits as INSEE graphs by Clara Dealberto ! Don't care about the met gala, but this is very funny :) and such a Illya Kuryakin thing to do kdkdkd

• fourth one isn't fashion related, it's a ref to popart and the "he has Dostoïevski eyes" line that made us laught a lot

• A little Fiddlesticks for the dog post, because it's a banger episode. Plus a nod to he dog expert from it, with whom Illya had palpable sexual tension fkfkfkl I like to think they kept contact ;) (shoutout to this fic (Intensity by AconitumNapellus) who absolutely get the vision, 10/10 guy to "cheat" on your boyfriend with)

• and the final one is a make over because of course it is

As for Napoleon, being older and less invested in this, an instagram made sense. But crutialy, I get such strong modern oss117 vibes from Napoleon (the way he shoots his gun, the goofy faces, the awkward stance everytime he enters a place, the inexplicable in universe rizz...) dkfkldls modern oss117 was a parody of both 60s james bond and older oss117 movies, but I'm now convinced they also whatched some uncle while doing these, it's just so obvious- anyway all this to say, in the second movie oss117 has to pose as a photographer and gets way too invested in his cover (it's his thing don't question it), and at the end of the movie we get to see all the photography he took during his mission..... Let me tell you how hard it was to resist him having an instagram full of blurry women on the street (canon 60s napoleon would have done it I'm sorry)- but what I kept was the pretty "badly" shot pics of random things, tho you sometimes get the odd decent pic taken by Illya. And he gets to be in a duck floatie as a treat and nod to oss <3

• Pinned post is because it became frustrating for him having to respond to people asking him if it was his real name or if he was a far right french man simping for Bonaparte

• first post is not a ref, but if my very sexy flat car was burning in the desert I would take a pic (ft Illya despairing) kdkdkd

• Duck floatie is a oss117 ref

• selfie with a beautiful woman (ft his finger), no ref I just love drawing women

• also Fiddlesticks for the cute Napoleon fox !! And to kinda link the two profiles :)

• and finaly Spy with my face ! He tried taking a picture of his date (I'll let you decide who it was), but oops front facing camera kdkdkdk

Can you tell I had a lot of fun doing this ? I love this show way to much omfg

PS : if you've never seen the recent oss117 movies, you should they funny ! But oh god some jokes are terrible- the first one is the best, minus one gay joke frankly not great. They nail the gay joke in the second one but oh god... They do not always win the 'is our character a piece of shit or is the movie problematic' gamble so be aware of that. And the 3rd one is shit don't bother

PPS : I don't use Tiktok, I tried my best to emulate the feeling of it but be aware I have no idea what I'm doing dkkdld

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