#the best therapists I've had are the ones I can joke around with

[im-no-jedi]

I feel so bad for people who've had a bad experience with therapy (had some myself so I get it) cause it's usually just a bad match-up. you just gotta find someone you mesh with and can trust. like my therapist and I legit just spent half our session coming up with a (non)legitimate plan to get me a husband by burning down an abandoned house so the firefighters can rescue me ROFL

[briefinquiries]

Tyler Owens x Reader: The Storm Inside Your Mind

Request: Anonymous said: "tyler x reader with panic attacks"

Word count: 2k

Warnings: panic attack tw

A/N: obviously stole some of Kate's trauma for this one... I feel like I've written a few fics where reader has panic attacks now, so sorry if this sounds repetitive at all. But as always, thank you all for the kind words, replies, and comments on my work. It's super encouraging and very appreciated!!

The team isn’t chasing today. Instead, you set up the RV and some tents at a campsite, hoping to enjoy what little time you had left of tornado season. 

Tyler gets a fire going while Boone and Dexter drag the camp chairs around it. There’s only half an hour or so left of daylight, and the crew decides s’mores will do just fine for dinner. 

Boone makes a joke about s’mores meeting all his nutritional food group needs, everyone laughs. Tyler settles into the chair beside you, his knee gently grazing against yours to catch your attention. 

When you look at him, he winks. A silent toss of affection. A sweet reminder that it’s you and him, even amongst the chaos of all your friends. 

The sun sets, casting a thousand shades of pinks and purples through the sky. It’s mesmerizing– the evening is perfect. 

It’s amazing how quickly things can fall apart.

All it takes is one note– 

Dani grabs their guitar and begins strumming softly to no tune in particular. Then Boone shouts out a song request that makes your breath catch. You try to be subtle, but you notice Tyler’s eyes lingering on you, because he can read you just as well as he can read any storm. 

You offer him the best, most reassuring smile that you can– and it must be good enough, because he looks back towards the fire. 

You pick at the skin around your nails, because it’s always been a good distraction. But even that isn’t enough when Dani plays the first note– 

“Took my love and I took it down,” they sing softly. 

And then suddenly, you can’t breathe. All you can hear is your best friend asking you to turn up the volume to her favorite song when it had come on the radio only minutes before everything had gone so, so wrong. 

Normally, you can talk yourself down from these moments, you can practice all the grounding exercises your therapist taught you and move on. But you feel the sense of panic creeping up your throat and it’s strong and fast. You don’t think you can deep breathe your way out of this one without anyone noticing.

In a rush, you stand up from your camp chair and mumble something incoherent about needing to go. It’s not very subtle, but it’s all you can manage before stumbling into the RV– aiming for the bathroom. 

Tyler calls your name, but all you hear is the sound of your friend screaming it over the increasing winds as they reached for you. 

From there it only gets worse– 

It comes in waves– memories of Fleetwood Mac still playing from the radio while you sat in the car and frantically tried to decide which way to run– the realization that no matter where you went, the tornado was going to consume you– knowing that the overpass was the worst place to go, but your alternative was remaining out in the open. Your name tumbling from your friend's lips as she begged you to help pull her up the ramp because her shoes kept slipping. The sound of her scream when the chunk of debris sent her flying into the storm. You losing sight of her body after only a second– 

The bathroom door rattles. “Y/N?” Tyler calls with a knock. “What happened?”

“What happened?” your friend’s dad had asked with tears spilling down his cheeks after the officer told them that their daughter was dead. “What the hell happened?” 

“There’s no storm,” you whisper to yourself. “The skies are clear– there’s no storm.”

Tyler calls your name a second time and knocks harder– the door rattles. You grip the edge of the sink and bite down harshly on your lip to keep yourself from screaming. Because despite the calm conditions outside, the storm inside your mind is here– it’s rattling the door and shaking the RV– it’s creating dark clouds, and causing them swirling around in every corner of your body– winds are flying through your stomach and your chest, the air is heavy, it’s harder to breathe– 

You put your hands over your ears and sink to the floor helplessly. 

“Y/N, answer me,” Tyler’s panicked– you can hear it in his voice. “I swear to God, I’m gonna kick this door down–”

You try to inhale– to tell him not to do that– that repairing a door will be expensive. But instead of finding your words, all you can do is choke out a desperate sob. The storm has stolen all your air– it’s sucked it right from your lungs… 

Before you can try again, the entire bathroom shakes when the hinges on the door break loose with a bang. Tyler’s eyes land on you– huddled on the floor, gasping for the breath you can’t find. 

Except– it’s not Tyler. It’s your friend’s dad. He’s come to get you– to kill you like you killed his daughter. 

You attempt to push yourself backwards on the floor, but the bathroom is small and soon, you've only managed to wedge yourself between the toilet and the wall. You try to speak again– to tell him how sorry you are for getting his daughter killed– but you can’t. Clutching desperately at your chest, you heave and heave, squeezing your eyes shut. 

The storm inside your mind causes the clouds to start swirling around chaotically– 

The storm inside your mind rips trees right from the roots– 

The storm inside your mind destroys everything in its path– 

“Baby–” a familiar warm voice cuts through the fog. And then, suddenly, someone grips your knee, causing your entire body to seize. 

“It’s me,” a gentle voice murmurs. "Hey, it’s me.“

Through your foggy haze, you recognize Tyler’s touch– and when you open your eyes, you see him squatting down to get on your level. 

But your knees– you open your mouth to say, except all that comes out is a gasp– a plea for help. 

“Okay, it’s okay. Look at me, baby,” he says. “It’s okay– you’re okay.” 

“I– can’t–” you gasp, your own hands flying up to grip his forearms for some sort of lifeline to reality. “I can’t– breathe–” 

“Okay, okay, okay,” he says. He’s trying to stay calm, but you can hear the uneasiness in his voice. “With me.” 

He gives a deep, methodical inhale before letting out a slow, intentional exhale. “Just do it with me. Slow, like this.” 

He continues, and you try to match his pace– to breathe with him, but it feels like the storm has stolen your lungs– ripped them right out of your chest– 

“Tyler–” you beg, your voice hoarse. “I can’t–” 

“C’mon, with me,” he repeats earnestly. He’s looking at you with terror in his eyes, but you find comfort in their familiarity just the same. “We’ve done this before, you know how to do this.”

“I– I–” you stammer, but the words won’t form. 

“Shh, with me. Everything’s okay. I’m here. We’re both okay,” he assures you. His gaze is just so tender and soft and careful while his thumb grazes your cheek. 

“I- I can’t-” you choke again, “Please–”

“Shh-” he soothes. “Look at me, nothing else, just me.”

Your wide, desperate eyes meet his. You don’t say anything, just shudder and gasp frantically.  

“With me,” he repeats.

Tyler slow and calming, in and out breathes. After a few seconds, you latch onto the sound, mimicking it, and then finally follow along. 

“There you go,” he whispers.

Your facial features slowly start to relax as you’re able to breathe properly.  Without your loud, choking sobs, you’re able to hear your heartbeat pounding in your chest frantically.  

“Good job,” Tyler sighs. “Look, it’s just you and me, we’re okay, we're both safe–” 

But he can’t even finish his sentence before you lean forward and reach for him. Tyler takes advantage of your gesture and quickly grips under your arms, yanking you from the corner and pulling you forward. He sits back on the floor, back resting against the door frame while he rests you on his lap. As soon as he’s settled, you wind your arms around his neck– desperate and longing for some sort of comfort. 

Strong, sturdy arms wrap around you as you hide your face into his chest. You breathe him in, letting his familiar scent wash over you. The sound of his heartbeat races in your ear (bum, bum, bum, bum). It reminds you that you’re both here– right now. Not stuck in an underpass, not chasing a tornado. But here– on the floor in the RV bathroom. 

“It’s okay,” Tyler soothes. Upon feeling your shaky body pressed against his, he squeezes tighter. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here, I got you.”

You melt against him in response, bunching the fabric of his shirt into your fist, trying to communicate just how badly you need him to hold you right now. 

And that’s exactly what he does— until you can finally breathe on your own again. 

And then the wave of guilt comes.

Suddenly the realization of everything hit you– what a basketcase you’ve been, running off like that, having a meltdown in front of everyone– you probably scared the shit out of them. And then there’s the door– broken right from the hinges. 

Slowly, you pull back. 

“Are you okay?” Tyler says before you can even open your mouth. He brushes the strands of loose hair from your face.  

You exhale a deep, shuddering breath that you can feel down your entire body. “I’m okay,” you say, your voice raw. 

“Baby, you don’t have to run from me when you’re having a panic attack. I’m here for you, you know that.”

“I know,” you whimper. “I know– I’m so sorry– I didn’t mean to freak out–”

“Shh. Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay,” Tyler says. “You don’t have to apologize. I just– I want you to come to me when you’re struggling. I want to be able to help you.”

“I just—” you start, but you stop when you notice how choked up your voice sounds. You take a slow breath. “I can't think clearly when they come. All I could think about was getting away. I didn't want to scare you– I wanted to prove to you that I was doing better– that I wasn’t going to freak out all the time. But it–” 

As soon as you feel the tears burning behind your eyes, you dig the heels of your palms into them frustratedly, like you were physically trying to push them away. 

“It was the music. That was her favorite song.” You didn’t even have to say your friend’s name for Tyler to know what you were talking about. “I just… I heard that first note and I panicked– I just felt like I had to get away.” 

Tyler nodded in understanding. “You don’t have to hide from me,” he whispered. “Next time, you drag me to the bathroom with you and we’ll get through it together, okay? I think that’ll save us many doors in the future.”

You exhale a puff of air, your best attempt at laughter. 

“I’m just sorry you have to deal with me all the time. You have enough on your plate,” you groan, rubbing your tired eyes. 

Tyler sighs. “Baby, I drive around and chase tornadoes– shoot some fireworks into the air when I’m really feelin’ it. I think I can handle being there for you on top of that,” he says. “I love you. And I want you to be okay, always. That’s all I’ll ever want.”

Nodding slowly, you lean forward and rest your forehead on Tyler’s chest. 

Strong, warm arms anchor you to safety. You hold on to Tyler– letting the sound of his heartbeat (bum, bum, bum, bum) block out any noise from the raging storms inside your mind. 

[kimberly-spirits13]

Growing Up in the Justice League HC

Purely self indulgence cause I've been on this and idk why so bear with me here

I can just easily romanticize growing up in the Justice League too easily and it would be a problem

you're brought in at as a baby to be trained by Diana

Apollo brings you to her and tells her that you are an ancient being that regenerates as a new person when you die and this is the form that you have taken. As you get older, you will remember the skills and memories of your past lives but you will have to be raised with someone who can handle you

Diana just loves babies so she had no problem with that

I'd say the league has been established for some time during this point and everyone knows each other's identities in the core group

You grew up in Paris and New York being raised as a mama's child

Bruce is the closest you get to a dad and he does his best

SPOILS YOU ROTTEN

all the Barbies and Legos and whatever toys you'd want as a child

They know that you've been trained as an assassin, wizard, queen, knight, sorceress, scientist, all of these other things that can be traumatic so they just want you to have a great, decent childhood

when you start remember things they begin training you to be a hero

It's like PE and recess all in one since they're really just trying to figure out what you can do

Clark treats you like a fragile piece of glass up until you're a teen cause teenagers confuse him and he just cannot not see you as an innocent beep boppin child sometimes

Barry keeps up with the culture and knows all the songs from your favorite childhood movies and tv shows that you grew up watching on the massive computer in the watch tower when you were up there

will dance to any Barbie song since he knows them all by heart

Hal makes fun of you two but secretly enjoys the movies and is very emotionally invested in Princess and the Pauper and Diamond Castle

Diana and Bruce make sure that you have a great education and training

They are the mature parents of the group and want to make sure you're a functioning member of society

you've got a bag full of grandparents in the Kents, Allans, Princes, Alfred and they all love you to death

Alfred teaches you to make the best tea and gardening, Ma Kent teaches you to quilt and make bread, Pa Kent teaches you how to drive a tractor and farm, Hippolyta teaches you about the Greek gods and ancient cultures and how to ride horses, the Allans would have loads of board games to play and love having you over

Once Young Justice or Teen Titans comes around you don't join since you're officially a Justice League member and get along better with the adults since you were raised by them

That doesn't mean that you don't like or hang out with the kids, it's just that you have better inside jokes with Hal and Barry

When Superboy comes around and the League disappears, you were the only one not taken by the portal since you were helping out some civilians

You knew that Clark wasn't dead and you knew the League was somewhere

What kept you afloat was humor and Kon attached to that since he just needed someone that wasn't insane in his life

you probably won't develop romantic feelings for each other but it's more of a camaraderie since you were both raised in a really unorthodox way

when the league finally comes back, you say it's the happiest day of your life and rant to them that you were the only one who knew they weren't gone but no one understood it

Hal and Barry are known for having a thing for chicken tenders and make sure to instill an addiction in you for chicken tenders

Arthur (Aquaman) really really really likes them too but he doesn't realize it until he comes to the League

Clark would be the one to take you out for ice cream randomly or if you're having a bad day

the mother hen therapist type

You're America's favorite Justice Leaguer and often go viral for in uniform interactions with the League

Dancing with Flash at a Presidential ceremony because the music is too beep boopin good and you can't help but bop around a little bit

Media also loves you as a civilian and it's been suspected that you are the love child between Diana and Bruce since I mean- that would make the most sense

it's a running joke in the league

[callofdudes]

I've got a pride month request coming along as well, I'm just getting lots of writing juices back. So don't mind me, sorry, a little "fun" mental health post. Don't take all of this as 100% as I'm not a mental health professional but I do study psychology for leisure.

Dissociation and indifference.

While able to crack jokes and engage with others, he's generally learned to keep his hands out of hot water, and if he does, he doesn't show that it burns him. On top of many mental health medications causing fatigue, distance, and emotional lows, Ghost does his best not to express the stress that work brings to him. Which is something that can be seen either as a strong male role model, or the less healthy version, evasion of one's emotional needs over physical.

Let's be honest, Ghost spends most of his time in the gym rather than talking to a therapist. And while working on yourself physically can be a breath of fresh air, sometimes it's good to let the mind breathe too.

It takes him a lot of time to open up. For a lot of people, recognizing that trust is trust no matter how close you are to the person. Ghost's lack of trust does not distinguish between blood or friend. It has to be him that makes that step, but it's working through the indifference that helps get to the core of his pain. As indifference to topics like mental health discussions can be a coping mechanism against how one feels.

"Simon, can I get you some tea?" You asked when you looked over at him and saw him sitting silently on the couch. He rubbed his knuckles as he stared at the wall, then shrugged.

"Are you hungry?"

Another shrug. "Depends what you're making." He finally responded, deadpan and unenthusiastic. You frowned softly and decided to make him some tea. Soon heading to the couch, you set down the cup and sat next to him.

You quietly relaxed. "Would you like to talk about anything?" You knew you had to let Simon come to you. It was difficult, but extending that offer and reassuring him you were there was always the first step.

He was quiet for a moment. "No."

"Ok... When you're ready." You gently rubbed his shoulder. You relaxed next to him and turned on the tv. The faint glow of the passing frames flashed against his pupils but his reactions to it were minimal.

After some time, he reached for the tea and took some sips. "Y/n...?" He shifted slightly.

You looked over at him and nodded.

"Can we... Talk about something?"

You paused the movie and shifted to sit facing him some more, giving him your attention. "Of course, what do you need to talk about?"

His shoulders relaxed slightly at the reciprocation, and slowly brought his needs and feelings out, letting you see the inner workings for a little bit. And you listened.

Dramatic emotional switches.

Sometimes this is harder to analyze or to catch, but this can be a sign of stress or like indifference, a cherry aversion to the hectic world around us.

While this can absolutely just be someone's nature, mental health is most times disguised within layers of regular everyday emotion that not even the person doing it may realize.

I think Johnny's cheerfulness comes from his nature, but under stressful circumstances it can come out as a way of attempting to feel in control of his hectic environment. We don't see this often, but it is common amongst individuals struggling with stress and anxiety.

But after these stressful happy sprints, it can lead to an emotional low due to stress catching up, or being too much to ignore and push aside. Leading to days of not feeling happy at all. Common themes of depression can be random emotional highs, followed by feeling like the world is horrible and you'd rather die than do anything else.

Like with Ghost, this can absolutely be a character trait to boost morale in friends, not wanting to see them fall into the emotional state they are wishing to ignore. During work, Johnny comes off as a strong and intelligent role model, and I think he knows how to distinguish work and personal life better than the others. Willing to confront the bulk of his feelings and stress when in an environment where he doesn't feel the need to constantly be the last line of morale.

It had been a while since you'd seen Johnny. You'd recently come back from a pretty excruciating mission and you couldn't blame him for wanting rest. When dinner rolled around you headed to his room and knocked. "Johnny?"

A minute of silence before Johnny perked up. "Come in."

You shifted the door and headed inside to see him relaxing on his bed with his sketchpad. "Hey y/n." He smiled warmly, sharing his warm presence with you.

"Heh Johnny, food is out in 20, guy hungry?"

"Yeah! I'll be out in a bit. I've just gotta finish this drawing."

"Cool, can I have a look?"

He hesitated slightly, then nodded, his smile returning. "Yeah sure." He sat up and let you come over and see his sketchbook. You looked down at the drawing and smiled softly. "I keep forgetting you're so good at that."

He looked up at you, the smile on his lips not fully translating to the lost expression behind his eyes.

You looked at him, and gently touched his shoulder. "You good? I know you had a close call, even if the medics said you were good."

"Yeah, I'm feeling good. A little sore, but it comes with the territory." He closed his sketchbook.

A moment of silence came between you two, and the look you gave him made tears spill into his eyes. "Johnny..." You opened your arms.

Johnny hesitated before hugging you tightly. You held him back, gently stroking his back. "You're ok... We're all ok." You assured him as his tears wet your shoulder. "You did amazing.."

Johnny let out the burst of emotion, finally allowing himself to come down from that false high, and rest in the knowledge that he was ok here.

Overworking, trouble distinguishing work from personal life.

Price has a tendency to overwork himself when he's feeling stressed or agitated. Oftentimes indulging in one or more cigars to momentarily get a hit of relief for a much more extensive problem. When growing up with role models that pushed for perfection and hard work it can make it hard to distinguish the stresses of work from personal life. Price ends up taking a lot of the work stress home, and vice versa.

This can lead to him feeling even more stressed or striving to trap the things going on around him in both personal and professional settings under his thumb. Burying himself in his work can help him feel like he's being productive or that he has control over what happens in that space.

He's constantly reassuring his team, as captain even if he feels out of control it's his job to keep his head on and make sure his team feels like he has both hands on wheel, which can be stressful. Over time this is a tactic that has been branded into his behaviour and he is always doing this.

In his home life this can affect how he acts in the home, including feeling a need to take control more often to feel that people he loves in his environment are properly taken care of.

This can also lead to his underlying anger and tendencies to push down his frustrations and work it out through physical activity or cussing at a wall until he's tired. But, also not the type of person to go to therapy about this, as he may not even realize it's a problem if it's so deep in his routine.

You leaned on the doorframe of Price's study as he worked away. He'd had dinner in there, and the plate was still stacked on the edge of the desk where he'd mentally told himself he would take it back.

"You doing ok, John?" You asked, and walked over to him.

"Mhm. Got stuff to do for Laswell..."

"Important report?"

He shrugged. "Something like that. Just need a bit. I'll come away soon."

You nodded and gently rubbed his shoulder. "Well, don't work yourself stiff, ok?"

He nodded after a moment, his eyes not leaving his computer. You didn't say anything else and left him to his work. Around an hour later you came back. "How's it coming?"

"Mm... More stuff to finish." He muttered, still glued to the screen.

"It can wait, you're off duty... I'm sure Laswell knows that."

This time Price didn't respond, and you knew you needed to step in. "John." You came over and gently touched his shoulder. Finally, he looked up at you, searching your eyes for anger.

You gently squeezed him. "Why don't we play a game together?" You gave him a soft smile, and his shoulders tempted to give way under your touch.

"Why?"

You gently took his hat off and brushed his hair away. "Because, I know you need to do something, so come do something with me. I want to spend time with you."

He leaned slowly into your touch, allowing you to close his laptop. "Can I pick the game?"

"You know you can."

Price stood and you wrapped your arms around him, and he hugged you back. "We can do this together, you're home..."

Mistrust, underlying frustration and vocal outbursts.

Life can be extremely stressful in their line of work and from my perspective, this shows in Gaz's contrast between his calm collected nature and the vocal outbursts he has. This is no doubt because of stress and building frustration that he is struggling to control.

His mistrust in authority or inability to understand or rationalize his surroundings can lead to these outbursts. Kyle's calm and collected side is something to be desired, but when he's alone and has nothing to focus on, that anger can quickly turn unchecked. Whether it be beating a punching back or spending most of his time angrily analyzing interactions or comebacks to conversations in his head for hours.

It's a constant loop, while working, while trying to relax, he's always got an interaction that irritated him running through his head. Or feeling like he isn't smart enough because he couldn't come up with the answers for the conversation at that moment.

Kyle was beating himself up. He felt like such an idiot. I had the bastard right in his hands. He frowned, throwing another furious kick at the punching bag. "Bloody- stupid bastard!" He ground his teeth angrily.

By that point his frustration was obvious. You went over to check on him. "Everything ok, Kyle?"

"I fucking had him!"

You nodded a little. "Hey, can't blame yourself, we all have mishaps."

"Not this time." He said with exasperation. "I had him right there! I had him in my hands! And he still got away..."

You reached over and gently took his arm. "Kyle,"

He moved away, but you gently touched him again. "Kyle, look at me, please."

He exhaled heavily and looked at you, the frustration evident. "I know it's frustrating. But we'll get him. We always do."

"I know..." He hung his head. "I wish I could have done more... The look on the captain's face.."

You gently took his hand and squeezed it. "You're strong, Kyle. You're the best of the best." You gently rubbed his knuckles. "But even the best of us make mistakes, and mess up. You don't have to worry about being perfect."

He blinked, his frustration filtering out from anger, to tears. "Bloody... Hell.."

"Can I give you a hug? You look like you need one."

His shoulders dropped, and with that you gently hugged him. "We'll get him... I promise. But we aren't pinning this on you, ok?"

He squeezed you, a tear rolling down his cheek. You'd stand there as long as he needed, as long as he knew the weight wasn't on him to be the perfect soldier.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Prone to Infatuation

day 1: human tamlin

modern!au

Summary: Feyre won't mind

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: happy @tamlinweek to all my fellow girlies who love tamtam!!! heres my lil fic for the first day of the week ❣️

enjoyy!!

Coming over to visit her friend's ex had probably not been a great idea. It had been, obviously, a hard decision to make.

But did she regret it?

Absolutely not.

He had been her friend too once, and he did not deserve to be thrown aside after the messy break up.

Sure, what he did was not the best thing to do, but it came from a place of good reasoning. He should not have locked Feyre up in their shared apartment, but Y/n could not find it in herself to blame his actions when she knew of his past.

He had never had parents that loved each other, and so the only way he saw his father caring for his mother was when he would lock her up in the house. Tamlin was young, and did not understand that it was not love that he witnessed, but being a psychology student, Y/n could understand what he went through.

He could have definitely handled it better, but if someone just sat him down to tell him where he went wrong, he could have become better.

She was not erasing his mistakes or saying that he did not make them, but she understood his reasns behind them. He had made mistakes, sure, but so had Feyre when instead of just talking to him, she just up and left and moved on while Tamlin was left with no one.

So today, Y/n had decided to pay him a visit after hearing from Lucien that he seemed to be getting better.

With a deep breath, Y/n lifted her hand to knock on the door to his apartment. A few moments filled with the sounds of shuffling and one loud crash later, his form filled the doorway.

He looked... unkempt. His hair sticking all out in all the wrong places, dark circles under his eyes... He just looked so miserable.

"Um, hi."

He blinked at Y/n, seeming not to hear her words. But then he straightened, the shock fading from his eyes as he gave her an uncertain smile.

"Hey Y/n. What brings you here?"

"What, I can't visit my friends without reason?"

He blinked, leaning back. "Uhh. You can of course. I'm sorry-"

Instantly, guilt spread through Y/n. She reached out to touch the back of his hand, staring up at him. "Tam, I was joking."

"Oh. Right, sorry-"

With a sigh, Y/n wrapped her arms around his torso- shirtless torso-letting her head rest on his chest for a moment until he hugged her back.

He let her go after a moment, the sadness, the loneliness that shone on his face making Y/n want to commit atrocities.

As he led her in, she studied her surroundings, swallowing.

The place was meticulously clean looking, except for a few pieces of clothing here and there.

The house looked nothing like it had the last time she visited with Mor. That was back when Feyre had called them up to break her out of the house.

Everything had been lying on the ground back then, as if thrown around in a fit of rage. Y/n had been disgusted, but now all she felt was sympathy.

"So... how have you been."

Tamlin glanced back at her as he snatched his t-shirt form the back of the couch. "Better."

Y/n smiled, nodding.

"That's great."

He studied her for a moment, his eyes skeptical. But then he settled down on one of the chairs at the kitchen island, sighing. "It really is. You were right. Therapy does help."

That statement surprised Y/n. She could not remember talking to him about therapy except for that one time she had mentioned about it in passing, telling him something about her chosen subject of study.

"You are going to therapy?"

He offered her a small smile. "Yes. And it's been helping a lot."

Y/n placed her bag on the counter as she mirrored his position and smiled, genuine and happy. "I'm so glad to hear that, Tam. How is it going?"

"The therapist reminds me a lot of my mother, with the way she looks, the way she yells at me sometimes," He laughed. "I'm becoming better, that much I know. I've come to terms with the fact that not everyone stays forever, and that it is okay to let go of people. It took me over two months to get over my fear of losing people, but its working."

Her eyes prickled at the genuine joy he radiated, the way he seemed more open and vulnerable and happy about it too.

"That's amazing. You atleast have your friends, even though she left. You'll always have us."

He paused for a moment. "Does she know you're visiting?"

Y/n sighed. "She is not my mother, she does not need to know about my whereabouts."

"So she doesn't."

Her silence was answer enough for him.

"You should lave then. I don't want you to jeopardise your friendship just because you came to see her abusive ex."

Tears gathered in Y/n's eyes at his thoughtfulness.

"She won't mind."

I hope she doesn't.

If she got mad about Y/n just visiting Tamlin, Y/n couldn't fathom what Feyre would do if she found out about Y/n's little crush on Tamlin.

"Are you hungry?"

A few hours, a bottle of wine and two large pizzas later, Y/n found herself spread on Tamlin's couch like a blanket as she giggled at something a drunk Tamlin mumbled from where he sat on the ground, leaning back against the couch next to her head.

Silence settled between them again, the awkwardness from a few hours ago nowhere in sight.

"I should get going."

Tamlin glanced at the clock on the opposite wall at that, nodding solemnly. "It's getting late."

Y/n rolled over, reaching up to twirl a strand of his hair around her fingers. "I don't want to though."

He turned his head to look at her, his face flushed from the wine. "Stay then."

Y/n smirked. "Already trying to get me into your bed huh. At least take me out on a date first."

He laughed, head thrown back. "Would this not be considered a date?" He said, gesturing to the half empty eaten pizza on the low coffee table.

"No."

He grinned, leaning his head closer to hers. "Fine then. Are you free tomorrow? Let me take you out on this date you want."

Suddenly, Y/n felt much more sober. "What?"

He huffed. "You basically have I like Tamlin written on your forehead in red paint, love. You can't expect me to not notice."

Y/n shot up, wrapping her arms around herself to do what, she didn't know. "I- I'm sorry-"

"Don't be. We're humans. We tend to fall in love and are prone to infatuation."

Y/n gave him an unamused look as she stood, gathering her things and heading towards the door.

She could hear him following her, but she ignored the urge to just die and reached for her coat hanging next to the door.

Tried to.

His hand caught hers before she could grab the material, tugging her back into his hard chest.

"I am not kidding Y/n. I mean it. Let me take you out for dinner. And not just because I want you in my bed."

She turned her head to look at him, failing to hide her blush due to his proximity.

"What..."

He gave her a dazzling smile. "Let me take you out on a date. Let me court you, the way you read about in your books."

"Really?"

He nodded. "Really."

"Okay..."

"So I'll pick you up at seven?"

Acotar Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686 @cassie6392 @kennedy-brooke @tele86 @miluiel1 @hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @piceous21 @mybestfriendmademe @saltedcoffeescotch @eve175 @starsinyourseyes @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @byyalady @lilah-asteria @girlswithimagination @gardenofrunar

[carefulfears]

Can you compare the Irresistible hug and the Milagro hug please !!!!!!!!! I love Milagro so much

okay our best and brightest @scullysflannel already talked about this once but let's chat on it (+ unruhe because i watched it last night) just for you babes xxx

/ irresistible

irresistible is my favorite of the three, and my favorite scully trauma��� episode, as it's the most dedicated to the emotional progression.

this episode encapsulates an understanding that the x-files never shied from, that the scariest monsters are human men, it's pointless to pretend otherwise.

fresh off her abduction, a violation and loss of autonomy that she still doesn't understand, scully's reaction to the crimes of donnie pfaster is intimate: his victims are the dead, a group she's always been more connected with than most.

her grief and discomfort at the desecration of women that she's bearing witness to is so overwhelming, and it's something that she's alone in, as the men around her continue with business as usual.

as the investigation continues, scully decides to go back to washington, telling mulder that she'll "better drive this investigation" if she focuses on the evidence.

SCULLY: I'm not having trouble, Mulder.

MULDER: I'd understand, Scully. This isn't exactly easy to stomach.

SCULLY: I'm fine with it. Really. I just think we're a long way from catching this guy. If we could get a print, we'd have something to go on. Right now we're at a standstill.

MULDER: I think it's a good idea. I just don't want you to think you have to hide anything from me, Scully. I've seen agents with twenty years in the field fall apart on cases like this.

Scully: I'm fine, Mulder. I can handle it.

i love this scene. his response here is so perfect. apart from checking in and asking if she's okay a couple of times, he hasn't commented on her state of mind in this situation, but he knows she's having a hard time. he supports her decision to take a step back, playing along that it's a "good idea" for her to direct her attention to the tangible evidence, but encourages her to communicate how she's feeling.

and he tells her that to struggle with a case like this is understandable, it doesn't matter how much experience you have or your position, it's normal.

(another understanding that this show always had: to react emotionally to the brutality of the world and the exploitation of the vulnerable is human, it's the people who look at destruction unflinching who are wrong.)

back in D.C., scully sees her therapist. she tries, you guys. scully's "i'm fine" complex has never meant that she ignores a problem or shuts down, she tries to cope in a way that she's comfortable with. she removes herself from the scene. she goes where she'll be more useful. she schedules therapy.

MULDER: Are you staying on there, Scully?

SCULLY: No. I'm coming back tonight.

MULDER: Look, Scully. I know this is a pretty horrific case -

SCULLY: I'm okay with it, Mulder. Besides, you can use my help.

MULDER: Always.

after her session, scully decides to go back. she's okay with it. she's going to keep trying.

this is one of my favorite moments. she spends this entire episode putting on a front, he spends it meeting her exactly where she is; saying, "i see you," but only to comfort, not expose.

her "you can use my help," is one of their jokes. a way to say, "i'm okay, i'm ready," that's lighthearted and doesn't show too much. when he responds, "always," his voice has such a different tone. it's so earnest, and sweet. his response takes her very seriously, her contribution and state of mind and comfort.

she'd told her therapist, "i trust [my partner] as much as anyone. i trust him with my life...but i don't want him to know how much this is bothering me." he already knows.

(her smile on the phone, they are best friends)

i'm gonna borrow from the post linked up top for this next bit:

"Scully’s abduction is the major turning point in terms of how much the job affects her, and Irresistible is basically a replay of her abduction that gives her more control: she gets the catharsis of a fight, and she knows who she’s fighting (men)."

after being taken by pfaster, when she's found, she pulls out one more "i'm fine," but her suppression and image can't withstand confrontation. mulder gently lifts her chin, and the moment she meets his eye, she breaks down crying into his chest. she tries so hard, she has "always been the strong one," she did not want him to know that this was bothering her. but you can't survive it without facing it.

i didn't notice until today that her gag is still around her neck, she's still so ensnared. police are still making arrangements around them. it all just fades away though.

(he's whispering "it's alright," just for her to hear. when she moves her arms to hold onto him, pull him closer, his face breaks. he closes his eyes to keep from crying. he's so careful with her after her abduction, he's never had anyone come back before. this is a moment they're in together, a sort of catharsis after she returned. it's so foreign and painful to be needed, for the first time in so long.)

/ unruhe

unruhe, written by my beloved vince gilligan, is the most introspective that the x-files ever gets on the dichotomous reactions to gendered violence.

"She can hear him, still stomping around inside the trailer, no doubt looking through the pictures carefully, hoping for yet more insight into the depths of the now-dead serial killer’s mind. In the back of her throat, burning acid threatens to force its way up. The luxury of curiosity, she thinks."

-selbst

throughout unruhe, mulder is hyper-focused on gaining an understanding, attempting to find the killer (and at first, the abducted women) by looking into what has been left behind, and dismissing any other courses of action.

ultimately, nothing he does assists in the case at all, and it's scully's connections and discernments that locate schnauz, mulder and herself never on the same page. unlike irresistible's quiet contemplation and gentle understanding, they're consistently frustrated with each other.

(note that in this episode, scully is bound and held captive by a man obsessed with the loss of his sister. a dynamic that she is very aware of, as she asks schnauz, "why [do i need to be saved]? do i remind you of your sister?")

from the moment that schnauz's first victim resurfaces and they do the PET scan (something that only scully is able to read and understand, not mulder. something again rooted in her personal background), there is a shift in scully.

these women are being lobotomized, and they're being lobotomized incorrectly. schnauz is weaponizing medicine that he doesn't have proper knowledge of, and reducing these women into nothing. when mary lefante is found, she is unable to speak, except to repeat over and over the motivation of her captor ("unruhe," the german word for "unrest.")

things escalate when the body of the second victim is found, and in my favorite scene of the episode, mulder and scully quietly observe the remains in horror, before scully just walks off and gets back in the car (in the driver's seat, a rare occurrence).

MULDER: Hey, Scully, that word "unruhe", "unrest", is bothering me. Maybe he thought he was curing them somehow, saving them from damnation, from those things in the pictures, you know, he called them the "howlers."

SCULLY: It's over, Mulder.

MULDER: Well, then that photo wouldn't be his fantasy. It would be his nightmare.

SCULLY: What the hell does it matter?

MULDER: Because I want to know.

SCULLY: I don't.

(She starts the engine. Mulder stares at her for a second, then gets in the car.)

when mulder approaches the car to ramble about "unruhe," scully never looks over at him or makes eye contact. she doesn't wait for him to get in the car before putting on her seatbelt and starting it. it is over.

i've written about this before (in the previously linked post), but mulder always wants to believe that people who do evil things have a good reason, that they didn't really mean to. that they were just trying to help, or were just following a biological imperative. scully knows that it doesn't matter.

it's the ending of 2shy, when mulder is right, incanto is only killing women because he needs their fatty tissue to survive. and he looks at scully and says, "when you look at me, you see a monster, but i was just feeding the hunger." and scully answers, "you're more than a monster. you didn't just feed on their bodies, you fed on their minds."

what the hell does it matter?

ultimately, scully is forced to "empathize" with schnauz, to survive. she has to utilize the insights that mulder gleamed about him to forge a connection with him, and stall. (she is always listening, and she knows mulder is right. sometimes it just doesn't make things any better.)

as the situation progresses, when she hears mulder outside she's able to wrestle her arm out of its constraint and rip the tape off of her mouth. by the time mulder breaks in and shoots schnauz, she's all but freed herself.

mulder takes her hand and helps her up, and she bypasses him, walking out of the trailer into the light, with one last look back at schnauz. she leaves mulder with the body, as he's looking at the photos. (the luxury of curiosity.)

the only time that we see scully show emotion or vulnerability in this episode, is in the final frame. sitting alone in her apartment, she looks at the altered photos of herself, and her lip quivers as we cut to the ending credits.

where irresistible saw her actively trying to gain control, unruhe is more genuine. she's not trying to conceal anything, she's just tired, and she's alone.

/ milagro

ah, milagro. quintessentially season 6 in a way that i can never establish as positive or negative.

milagro is all about desire: a desire for attention, for approval, for relevance. it's only fitting that it should be so punishing.

ultimately, milagro is about voyeurism, and we have this represented through our monster-of-the-week: scully's stalker phillip padgett.

when scully meets padgett (who had recently moved into the apartment next to mulder) in a church, it's to observe the painting displayed there, "my divine heart."

as he reveals that he knew she would be there to see the painting, as well as many personal details that he has "noticed" about her, it's a heavily emotional discomfort to be so seen.

so much of this episode builds in padgett's apartment, just one door over from mulder. when scully knocks, she tells padgett she was on her way next door and just thought she'd stop and return the milagro charm that he'd given her (a symbol of a burning heart) because she "can't return the gesture."

we talked about this when we talked about small potatoes, but this episode is...embarrassing for her! the kind of attention that she craves is embarrassing to her.

when she comes into padgett's apartment, padgett remarks that it's because she's "curious." she notices things too.

SCULLY: Well, you lead a curious life.

PHILLIP PADGETT: It's not so different from yours I imagine-- lonely.

SCULLY: Loneliness is a choice.

loneliness is a choice, babes! the way that small potatoes ended in classification of mulder as a "loser by choice" (for all of the things he could have, and all of the things he chooses not to pursue), and scully absolving him of that criticism, milagro puts the agency of this mutual repression back onto scully.

(choice and agency is a very important reiterated theme in scully's character. this whole thing only works if she chooses to be here.)

and when mulder comes in to arrest padgett based on evidence found in the murder case, scully is in his bedroom by choice. (very very embarrassing for her)

like these tags said, "psychologist mulder taking two years to connect the dots scully laid out for him in never again."

god, this episode makes me so uncomfortable. it's also the only one of these three that i've never rewatched, so that's why i'm a little more lax in discussing it.

MULDER: No one can predict human behavior. No one can tell you what another person's going to do.

SCULLY: Well, isn't that what you do, Mulder, as a behavioral profiler? You … you imagine the killer's mind so well that you know what they're going to do next.

MULDER: If he imagines it, it's a priori-- before the fact. I think that's pretty clear from what he wrote about you.

laughs nervously...isn't that what you do!! don't you know people's minds and desires!!

when mulder tells scully that padgett's book ends with her having sex with the narrator, and asks, "i'm assuming that's a priori too?" it's so reminiscent of office desks and tattoo ink.

when she replies, "i think you know me better than that," they're both thinking of philadelphia, of something etched in her back that they've never put to words. that too, ended in fire, with desire punished.

(i'm always slack jawed at him asking her flat-out if she fucked the stalker. quintessential season 6, baby! eat your heart out!)

PHILLIP PADGETT: I made a mistake myself.

MULDER: What's that, Mr. Padgett?

PHILLIP PADGETT: In my book, I'd written that Agent Scully falls in love but that's obviously impossible. (looking at MULDER) Agent Scully is already in love.

agent scully is already in love, agent scully already desires so viscerally, (agent scully is making things personal, as mulder had rebutted in defense of diana, not long enough ago)

i know a lot of people love this line, but it just makes me want to weep for her. scully is such a discreet person, she values her privacy so much, and has so little of it left. it's the emotional equivalent of her physical exploitation, to have her most personal and intimate feelings exposed like this. 

loneliness is a choice, and that’s her’s to make, the way mulder’s choice was affirmed in small potatoes.

(padgett as a character is a stand-in, he represents the voyeurism of an audience, of projecting a persona onto someone for personal gratification. he isn't ascribed any motive. but this to me, feels like a power trip, even if unintentional. he's perhaps just being honest, but he's recognizing that he can't have her body, so he exposes her soul. he also doesn't know scully as well as he thinks he does.)

both never again and milagro are about a caricaturized self, embracing or rebuking who you are in someone else's eyes. whether scully is perceiving herself as mulder's loyal first mate who "always does as told" or padgett's lonely object of lust, she responds by leaning into that exposure, going where she's wanted, and continuing her ascribed "cycle" of devotion and rebellion.

the reveal in the end, is that this week's monster is not truly padgett, but a character that he's created, who is committing the murders described in his book.

like padgett himself, the killer is a personification of longing; it's him who declares that the only way for the book to conclude, is for scully to die.

but just as jerse did in never again, padgett throws himself in the fire to narrowly absolve scully of the fated ending, and sacrifices his heart for hers.

when mulder realizes what's happening and races back up into his apartment, the sight is bone-chilling. she actually looks dead, unconscious and covered in blood, from a wound that's now healing.

when she wakes up and sees him over her, she reaches for him as abruptly as she opens her eyes. she claws into him, her fingers never stop grabbing at him, pulling him closer and closer and sobbing into his neck.

so little of it actually matters. she almost died without him there. this is after tithonus, and she's remembering those lessons again. (what about love? you don't want to be around when it's gone.)

and just as in irresistible, mulder breaks too, feeling the weight with her.

/

anon, to compare the three, i would say they each represent the theme of their particular place in the narrative and scully's characterization.

irresistible is the fragile dependence of a post-abduction season 2: perceiving comfort as a weakness, fear as a burden, but needing it anyway. recognizing who you trust, what that means, and that wounds can't heal in detachment. from each other and from the brutalization of the world itself.

unruhe is the building isolation of season 4: going where someone can’t follow, whether in societal experience or the looming instability that’s close ahead.

and milagro is the painfully confrontational tension of season 6. having your heart ripped out of your chest, bleeding, in attempts to be understood. just clutching what you need, weeping, in the end: there’s no use fighting it. (or hiding it. loneliness is a choice, but there’s freedom in being stripped of options)

it is a growth, in a diminishment of pretense and self-consciousness. it just comes at a cost.

i also want to bring it back to @scullysflannel’s post on this topic, because she summarized another aspect of it that i didn’t touch on:

“Scully tells the therapist in Irresistible that she doesn’t want Mulder to think he has to protect her, and I feel like the end of Milagro is about Scully accepting his type of protection, and by extension his type of love. Padgett makes her want Mulder to pursue her in a way he’s never done, but Padgett also ultimately shows her the danger of being sought after like that, and it makes Mulder’s straightforward protectiveness look pretty good. it doesn’t matter right then if Mulder is giving her everything she wants. she needs him.”

milagro is about desire, and ultimately it’s about a relinquishing of desire. scully is drawn to padgett because he offers her something that mulder doesn’t (won’t?) give her, and she’s ripped to pieces because of it.

it is punishing, to want something so badly. ultimately, when she almost loses it all, she’s clinging to what she has.

(but mulder is learning too, and they’ll get there. they’ll get to all of it.)

[deadbydangit]

@vicketch I'm sorry you aren't feeling well, maybe this will help.

Cheering up a depressed Reader

Legion (Julie), Dwight, Kate

Legion (Julie)

Feeling down?

Not for long!

This girl has been there, done that.

When she first entered the realm, she had a period of depression.

But she pulled herself out of it.

And she's going to pull you out of that pit too.

First, she'll want to talk about it.

What's bothering you?

Is someone bothering you?

"If it is I'll go kick their ass right now."

She won't outright force you to talk, but she'll strongly encourage it.

Want some snacks?

She has lots of snacks.

Cookies were always her go to snack when she was upset.

Just no beer.

Or drugs

Julie knows better than anyone how drinking doesn't help solve the problem.

She and the other Legion have tried to drink and smoke their troubles away.

It does not work.

It makes things worse.

Wanna play a game?

Maybe do a make over?

Prank Frank?

Go for a walk?

Tell stories?

You sure you don't want to prank Frank.

"Trust me. It's really funny. I once replaced his knife with a rubber one and he came back from trials pissed."

And laughing is a good way to feel better.

Sitting around just makes things worse.

She's the type who wants to keep you focused on anything but your depression.

She'll even swallow her pride and tell you about her own experience with it and how she dealt with it.

"I was with the others, we all worked through it together. And you? I'll work through it with you. You won't suffer alone."

Dwight Fairfield

You don't even have to say anything, Dwight can tell.

He's great at reading emotions and detecting small changes in someone's personality.

So, when you don't seem like yourself, he knows.

He's been through depression before.

He knows how much it sucks.

But he won't outright say he knows you're depressed.

He'll lay beside you one day, and just start chatting with you.

"I've been where you are. I felt so useless, I thought everything was just pointless."

He'll pull your head into his lap.

"But then I realized, there are so many more reasons to be happy than there are to be sad. Even here."

And he'll list some.

"Sunshine, flowers, you..."

And he'll look down at you with tears in his eyes.

But he's still smiling.

He hates seeing you so upset.

But him frowning isn't going to make you feel better.

He's no therapist, but he'll listen and give the best advice he can.

Sometimes he'll do something silly or tell a really dumb joke.

But you're laughing and smiling.

He's also very good about keeping track of your health.

Did you drink enough water? Have you eaten? Was it healthy? Too much junk food can make you depressed.

It may seem overbearing, but he really wants you to get better.

You being so sad isn't on his list of things that make him happy.

Kate Denson

"What's got you all blue sugar?"

She'll make sure to ask in private.

She understands if you don't want your troubles going public.

She had enough of that in the real world.

Kate is also very good at sensing emotions.

This girl is almost always rainbows and sunshine.

So it's surprising that even she dealt with depression at a time

"I wasn't doing what I loved to make me happy. So my music wasn't happy. Then no one is happy."

If you want to talk about it, she's all ears.

If not, she's not going to force you.

Instead, she'll change the subject.

Something funny like a story or a joke.

"...And that's how I accidentally made Hannah Montana hate my guts."

And she'll laugh.

And her laughter will make you laugh.

She had written some music when she was in her depressive moments, and she'll offer to sing it to you.

Then she'll sing you her most upbeat happy ones.

It's to show you how strong she bounced back from her sadness.

"Come 'er Darlin'."

She's putting your fingers on her guitar and guiding you to a few strings.

It's her way of saying that you can get over it too.

"And I'll be right 'er with ya' the whole time."

[hibernationsuit-remade]

Starry or field for the mirco story asks? 👉👈

starry Max decides to ask the Captain about his reaction to one task on Gorgon.

i love how this has nothing to do with the word itself kfkfkfkfkf i promise it's there tho

can u see i'm super uncomfortable writing anything related to emotions btw :)

----

Captain's Quarters were colder and darker than the rest of the ship. Not the most suitable place for reading or working, and clearly not the default mode of the room. Though, maybe the Captain dimmed the lights for a reason.

He was sitting by his desk, half laying on it. Was he sleeping? Just resting? Max has seen someone write while sitting like that.

He cleared his throat. "Captain, can we talk?"

The man half jumped off his chair, spooked by the sudden question. Yep, he was sleeping. "I- wha-", he looked around and spotted the vicar. "Max? Yeah, sure, everything alright?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Good. That's good," he said quietly. "Sorry, I, um, must've fallen asleep while reading something."

"I have to admit, that doesn't sound normal, Captain. Are you alright?"

"Yes." An answer said too quickly, as if it's always ready to be used in conversations like this. He was clearly not alright, but would definitely do his best to hide it.

"It's just-", Max paused, looking for the right words, "You seem to, well, take miss Leonora's task more seriously than you usually do."

"She lost her husband, surely we should help her find some peace by finding his flask."

"There's something else, I can see it's bothering you." The man tried to keep his face as blank from any sign of emotions, but Max could easily see through him. Captain might have had different problems than his old 'flock' had, but he was still a human who needed help, too. Maybe even more than ever before during their travels. "Opening up may help."

"You sound like my therapist back on Earth."

"You had a therapist?"

"I-" he shook his head. "Forget I said anything about that."

"If you had one, then you surely know talking to someone would help."

"It's nothing, really, don't worry about it." He turned away to face the window and took a deep breath, assuming Max would stop at that. Was he staring at the starry sky behind the glass, or at his own, barely visible reflection, showing how sadness was slowly showing itself on his face.

"You can trust me."

"Law, you won't quit, will you?"

Max smirked. "No, I don't think I will."

He sighed and sat on the desk. "Fine. You win."

"It's for your own good."

"Yeah, yeah. Um." He paused for a moment, wondering where to begin. "Remember back in the beginning, you asked why I've decided to help Phineas instead of turning him in, and I replied that it's because I have...family on Hope?"

Max nodded. "I must admit, I thought you were joking back then. Not that I think so now."

"Don't worry, I'm not surprised..."

"Please, continue."

"Yeah, well. Um." Tobias covered his face. "Sorry, I...It's hard to talk about this, I haven't really um, mentioned this before. Not that I don't trust anyone, it's just that I..."

"...don't want to bother anyone even if it's something important? It shows."

"Smart ass. Though, that's why you're cool. You know that, right?"

"Stop trying to switch the topic, Tobias."

"Fine, fine. Ugh." He closed his eyes. "I took it too personally because it reminded me of how my wife is still back on Hope." His voice cracked, hands cletching into fists to hide their trembling, as he continued. "It felt like a punch in the gut, that I'm here and Klara's...not." He wiped a tear off his cheek and added quietly, "I miss her so much."

"I'm so sorry. I-" Max looked at him. Seeing him like this, sobbing and trembling, curled up like a sad teacup canid, wasn't something he had expected to see. Thank Law I closed the door... He walked to the desk and gave him a hug. "I shouldn't have brought this up. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine, it's..." he sniffed, "I um...think it helped a bit. Maybe even feel better now..."

"Can you stop lying about your feelings for one moment?"

"No...maybe..." Tobias muttered. "Phineas called yesterday and complained about how I still haven't made up my mind about skipping the Hope. It's not that I don't want to, it's that- well, I'm afraid of what I'll find there."

"Did you ask Phineas about her?"

"After we left Edgewater, yes. He said that according to the ship logs, everything's fine. She's fine." He took a deep breath to calm down a bit, and to stop thinking about all that could've gone wrong. "But still, I'm...I don't think I'm ready..."

"Then we'll go when you're ready."

"Thank you, Max. You're an amazing friend."

"You're welcome."

"You, um, think we could...well. Talk like this more often? I think it made me feel better, honest."

"Of course," Max smiled, "Now sit here while I get you some water."

[starz4valen]

queers im fucking lost come save me

ok but in all seriousness,

despite labeling myself as aroace for a hot minute and finding comfort in that label and the community for a time—shit doesnt feel quite right anymore.

i have had ONE EX. one.

i genuinely think i was in love with him. i only felt what i felt with him,,,WITH HIM. nobody else. I felt the butterflies/giddiness, i loved his laugh, his smile, hearing him, his jokes, all the names he would call me, how much he said he loved me, our late night discord calls, having him around, just. him. when he rarely spoke abt shit that was bothering him it hurt me so bad, like i would hurt with him. and the mere THOUGHT of ME hurting him made me wanna sob.

as you can probably guess by the fact we’re exes, we’re not together anymore. it hurts. hell, my stomach tangled a bit as i typed that out. (could be cause recently someone who used to be a friend went and dated him and then got upset at me for getting upset at them but this ain't abt them.)

we broke up in like june last year, and i felt so fucking horrible about it bc it basically ended w him yelling at me over text at how horrible i am at listening and how i treated him more like a therapist—which i will admit i did. i sucked for that. it makes sense why tho, i was working through a lot of shit at the time, doesn’t justify it at all though. i should’ve treated him better. im desperately trying to fix it in my current relationships so that never happens again.

then again, he also treated me badly. he said things that really fucked with my sense of trust in people and just made me scared to get close with anyone like that ever again, or in general bc i was convinced everyone had some ulterior motive w me or secretly didnt give a shit abt me—but also i felt *I* was the problem. like every relationship im in is gonna end horribly bc im just that bad. its taken a lot to say that i feel loved by and trust my current friends, as well as trying to recognize that I deserve love, and im glad i can say that im getting better ^^

but,,,idk anymore

i concluded i was aroace almost a year after we broke up. there were a couple reasons. for one, i only really got that close w him. i dont really know if ive had a crush or what that feels like—in fact i think i faked one in elementary, the whole reason i got w my ex was bc he was flirting w me and it made me feel nice. (also bc i was worried he would be my only shot at love but i digress) i feel off when people talk about heading to poundtown or anything like that, the same with crushes—just crushes tho relationships i totally get—and i still struggle to wrap my head around attraction and how people just can look at someone without even knowing them at ALL and go “you. i want you.”

i wrote off how i felt when i was with him as simply some non-romantic form of attraction and called it a day.

but recently ive been reflecting on that, and i think i was wrong. the way that even now i get all these emotions by merely talking abt my ex says something. how upset seeing that "friend" going ahead and dating him after barely knowing him and just how angry i was says something. the way i cried seeing my best friend get a whole small crate of presents from their partner for their bday bc i was THAT JEALOUS says something. the way i yearn for affection and to be loved again says something. the way im starting to miss being in love again says something. the way i would always want some sort of relationship—even when i identified as aroace—but just never thought it would happen bc i didn't feel pretty enough, or mentally well enough, deserving of one, or like id ever be lucky enough to find someone who makes me feel that way again and how scared and sad that makes me,,,says something.

now in terms of poundtown—legit dunno. closest to that I've done w anyone was neck kisses from my ex, which i did really enjoy—but also i legit identified as ace like the whole time we were together and the few times he made jokes like that i felt uncomfy. plus the only way i feel i could be ok w going further w something like that is if its either excessively gentle or the most unserious thing ever. so tbh if i had to take a guess on how i feel abt that—not too keen on it.

I'm debating a couple labels, bi, aroace, bi and ace, demirose, and demirose and bi, but tbh i feel bi kinda fits the most? (maybe???) but also it doesn't. idk if its the fear of opening my mind to me being in a relationship despite my fear of intimacy and commitment or just that I'm aroace and this is my brain telling me to stop overthinking shit—but i know i wanna figure this shit out

if anyone has like legit any words of advice PLEASE send it my way. i will take even the tiniest crumb of guidance cause i am more lost than a child in ikea.

thanks to anyone who read all this <3

[h3ntaichrist]

ahem, i have some THINGS to SAY, and i'm well aware this may ruffle more than a few feathers. but i find my message to be more important than sparing the feelings of those who continuously evade accountability and the accompanying shame. TW: mentions of religious trauma, addiction, childhood trauma.

the most common response i've seen, online and irl, from christians when encountering something they don’t like or believe is wrong (often based on misguided interpretations of their scripture), is mockery and contempt. usually taking place in the form of memes, jokes, and slanderous or insulting rhetoric. it’s their gut reaction, an attempt to shame others. the only other group i've seen do this as much, if not more, than christians is gen x, but i’ll save that for another time.

this is my experience as bisexual, spiritual but non-religious, ciswoman that heavily supports the very social movements that are often targets of christian mockery: BLM, indigenous land rights, #metoo, LGBTQI+ rights, gun violence prevention, climate change action, USA’s pisspoor hEaLthCaRe system, fentanyl awareness, and systemic poverty. i could go on.

i grew up in the church and i learned a lot. my daddy was a preacher for quite some time, so i speak on these things with a WHOLE lot of experience. i was a troubled kid, born of addict parents. i moved in with my dad around 7 or 8 after my mama “moved to louisiana to be closer to her mom so she could get better”. this wasn’t the real story, nor did it happen that way for my mama, but that’s beside the present point.

i had a lot going on at home that little me couldn’t process alone, and i was never in therapy long enough for it to make a positive impact. each time a therapist started asking questions that pointed to the home dynamic with my dad and step-mom, i was transferred to a new one. this continued until i was no longer taken to therapy, entirely out of my control and earnestly at my detriment.

during this extremely transformative and impressionable period of my adolescence, i spent a whole lot of my time in the church—not just on sunday mornings. i was actively involved with my youth group, attended wednesday services, church camps, retreats, and went on a mission trip to broken arrow, oklahoma. while i made some friends and had some incredible experiences, these were also the places where i felt the most ostracized and i don’t think anything has come close to it since. i was a troubled kid from generational trauma, not wealth, and was destined to be the breaker of this cycle. its real hard to find your footing when the odds are heavily stacked against you.

i was very fortunate to have my grandparents, who provided comfort, kindness, and support, shielding me as much as they could from all the chaos and trauma i experienced at the hands of people who were supposed to protect me. but they could only do much. as a result, i rebelled—hard. or at least as hard as a girl growing up in the church, the bible belt, and just over an hour from Pulaski, TN, a city infamous for reasons you can google, could rebel.

my youth pastor welcomed my weirdness. we didn’t talk much about my situation, but there was an unspoken understanding between us that i’ll never forget or appreciate any less. unfortunately, the same cannot be said for most of the folks i encountered during this time. i often felt humiliated and alone, mocked, and held in contempt. not by all, but certainly the majority.

there are a few folks i still keep in touch with today, one of whom feels almost exactly the way i do. our conversations as adults have been very validating. my childhood best friend, despite our different manifestations of similar childhood trauma, did her best to stay close to me, and for that, i am forever grateful. but again, these supportive experiences were the minority. i wouldn’t feel right not including them, though.

so, forgive me if i do not share your sentiments regarding the “mockery” of your religion during this Olympic season. i don’t care. i honestly couldn’t care less. i know so many people ranging from young to old who share similar stories of experiences with the church, stories filled with mockery, isolation, false concern, and contempt.

i’m not trying to say that one wrong makes another right. this extends beyond some simple tit for tat. so much wrongdoing has occurred throughout history at the hands of christians supposedly carrying out the justice and desires of their lord. it’s time christians learn about, if they aren’t already educated, and subsequently acknowledge this. it’s time christians listen to the stories of those they cast out from their communities, whether indirectly or directly, and work to understand the impact those experiences had on them.

i personally think a step in the right direction would be attempting to understand WHY their religion and its followers are so often mocked and ridiculed by those who have suffered at its hands. but as long as its members choose to blame the devil for the current discourse, rather than acknowledging their transgressions, i will continue to care absolutely zero about the mockery of their religion.

my experiences and observations have shown me that the mockery and contempt often displayed by christians towards those they disagree with is not just a reaction to modern social movements, but a continuation of a long history of exclusion and judgement. this behavior has deep roots in the very bones of the church and its misguided teachings. its crucial for christians to reflect on this history and the pain it has caused, and to seek understanding and MAYBE reconciliation with those they have marginalized. only then can we hope to move forward in a way that fosters genuine compassion and respect for all. until that happens, i will remain indifferent to the mockery of their religion, as it pales in comparison to the suffering inflicted by those who claim to follow it.

and to the few and far between christians who are on the right track in this regard, i’m so sorry for the burden you bear due to the actions of your fellow members, past and present. your efforts to show understanding, compassion,and genuine respect are invaluable. please, don’t give up. your work is crucial in paving the way for a more inclusive and empathetic future.

rest of pics in replies

[talltoontales]

<-On a Dime->

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[Story 27 || Week 24]

Written: 06/10/2024

Prompt: "Kaboom" went the costal banana factory. "Splash" went the dozens of radioactive bananas as they landed in the ocean.

Prompt By: r/Accomplished_Dot9224 (Reddit)

[This is a story in the world of "Time to Spare" (02/17/2024)]

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"Some days, I really don't like being a superhero."

// // // // // // // // // //

You walk onto the rooftop. You see Luke Arling, A.K.A. the hero Streak, in his civilian clothes sitting on the edge of the roof halfway through a six pack of orange sodas. Luke hands you a soda as you take a seat next to him.

Now, don't get me wrong. Beating the baddies, helping people, fighting the good fight, I'm always down for. I've also been doing this for a couple of years now, and I know that sometimes the bad guys win one, and people get hurt. Those days definitely suck, but that's the gig. Gotta take the good with the bad.

But sometimes, it feels like I'm the only normal guy out here, relatively speaking. Most heroes are either in life-or-death mode twenty-four-seven, on a gloom-and-doom carousel, or kind of an asshole.

If I had a dollar for every time I had to meet someone for a team-up on a windy or rainy rooftop in the middle of the night, I'd have to start putting it on my taxes. And they always do that thing where once they're done with the conversation, they just disappear.

Side note, I can go from Miami to New York City in about thirty minutes, give or take. Yet, I still have no idea how I lose track of some of these guys.

No joke! One time, I had to team up with Spades for a high-profile villain situation. Reminder, he has no powers. He's just peak human, really smart, and has a bunch of cult money. While his cop buddy was doing his spiel, I kept my eyes on Spades the entire time, and the second, the SECOND I blinked, dude was gone! Drives me nuts!

You also can't trust some heroes. Not in a--

"...they might be secretly evil..."

--kind of way, more like--

"...they are WAY too ready to put a bullet in your back..."

--kind of way. I mean, I get it. It was for the greater good, it was a time-sensitive situation, and you knew I'd probably survive it, but a heads up before injecting me with a poison would've been nice, Alchem-bee! Had me tasting copper for two weeks! And don't get me started on--

~One~Rant~Later~

--and some of these guy's backstories are just...just too sad, man. I mean, It's not unusual for heroes to have a little baggage; the best ones do, but you get to listening to 'em after a while, and maybe it's just me, but I'm less sad about what happened to you and more surprised that you're still alive!

Not only that, but you chose to become a hero! If I went through half the stuff some other heroes have been through, I'd have burnt the world to ash and taken Haven and Hell along with it. Spiral went to therapy for about a month. Seasoned vet-level hero therapist, and at the end of it, the therapist had to temporarily shut down her practice because she needed therapy.

Now, I'm not perfect either. I'm no ray of sunshine, always smiling and junk. I've fought a few heroes. Had a couple of bad days after a loss. I mean, I got my powers after my sister's professor went nuts from testing on himself and blew up the school.

Now, I sometimes phase out of reality if I'm not paying attention. I've died twice and had to be told about the second time months after it happened, and I think two versions of my future self started some sort of multiverse war, which is concerning, to say the least.

But...I dunno, maybe I'm the odd man out. Maybe after all that's happened, the fact that I still see myself as just a guy trying to help is weird. I run around the world in a white and red jumpsuit with goggles powered by an energy that no one can understand.

In two years, I've been through enough superhero drama and shenanigans that some heroes think I've been around for waaaaay longer, but somehow, I don't let it get to me. I dunno how I do it, I just do. I bet some guys think I'm some kind of psychopath, an emotional time bomb waiting to go off, just one bad day from--

Notification pops up on Luke's phone. As he reads it, he begins to grin ear to ear.

Oh. My. God! This is the best thing I've ever seen in my life! Have you seen this yet?!

Luke holds the phone up to your face.

MAGS (GF): Guess who's baaaaack? <Int. News Alert // Beaches Gone Bananas> Mutant Fish have been seen battling various cybernetically enhanced primates on Dandi Beach, located on the west coast of India. Sources in the area believe that this is closely involved with an explosion at a nearby abandoned banana factory. The few bananas recovered before the battle have been confirmed to emit a strange kind of radiation. Luckily, the beach was closed for cleaning due to...

Oh, you know this has got Maniac Macaque written all over it. I knew he survived the volcano collapse somehow. You can never keep a weird villain down for long!

Luke starts texting Mag back before running off in a flash of light for a few seconds, returning in costume.

Hey, I ape-preciate you letting me ramble for, like, four hours. I peel-ly needed this more than I thought.

Another notification pops up.

Aw, Carp! Utopic's there! Guy's a wooden board, he's gonna waste a primetime pun situation! Look, I gotta split, but next time you swing through town, lunch is on me. Just no shrimp.

No pun, I just can't stand the taste of 'em.

Luke races down the side of the building. You look off into the distance, seeing a streak of white light speeding into the horizon.

\\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\

"Some days, I really LOVE being a superhero!"

. . . . . . . . . .

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed the story! If you have any comments, critiques, or criticisms, please don't be afraid to let me hear 'em (as long as they're constructive (or comical)). Also, if you have some spare time, check out my blog for more stories like the one above. Stay safe, drink plenty of water, and be kind to yourself and others. ToonMan, AWAY!

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[Last Week's Story || Next Week's Story]

.

P.S. For the record, I know that the date for this story doesn't fit for last week, but I do have a story for last week. I just...lost the plot a bit.

I realized that the editing is gonna take a while, and my week's about to get not real great. So, I decided to get something down for this week so I wouldn't end up trying to rush a story out at 11 p.m. on Saturday.

If everything goes well, I should have the story done and posted early next week unless I walk into a complete catastrophe.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Super proud of you for getting out and doing things! Most people don't realise quite how hard that is to do with agoraphobia. I'm happy to see that you're out and doing things! And its been amazing watching you/hearing about how you're claiming your life back from your ex. And I can't wait to see where life takes you next!

Thank you! 🥹 I hope you and your little man are doing well!! My best friend's baby is getting so big, and it's still crazy to me that she's a mom 😳

Agoraphobia is no joke at all. I used to love getting out of the house, and now the very thought of it can absolutely paralyze me. It's been a struggle, I won't lie. There are so many days that I just can't get myself to leave the house for anything, even though I need to go do something. But I'm letting myself embrace the small victories because sometimes that's all it takes. Last week, I let myself be proud of the fact that I got out to pick up a prescription, even though I really didn't want to.

I ranted and I'm so sorry 😭😭 It's below the cut for those who are interested 😬

THANK YOU FOR YOUR MESSAGE!! 💕 I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING MIA AROUND HERE LATELY. AND THAT I HAVEN'T UPDATED ANYTHING IN SO LONG 😭 BUT THANK YOU FOR STILL BEING HERE!

As for taking my life back from my ex? I'm reconnecting with a few old friends and getting closer to my family again. When I was in college and grad school, I talked to my mom almost every single day. That stopped when I started dating my ex-husband. My mom admitted to me that she had stopped calling me because she realized that he and I typically fought after we talked, and she didn't want to make things worse for us by calling to check on me. It made me really sad to hear that my mom was afraid to talk to me because she thought that my husband would get angry. But now, I talk to her at least once a week, sometimes multiple times a week, and she's been so supportive and let me know how proud she is of me for each little step I take. I don't know what I'd do without her.

I've lost a few friends, which makes me a bit sad, but they're the people who believe the lies my ex-husband tells them, so I've realized that I don't need them in my life.

I made the realization a couple weeks ago that I was always anxious and exhausted around him because I had to mask my autism constantly. He got really upset when I stopped masking and would make comments about how he missed the 'old me.' I was quite literally not safe to be myself in my own home when he was around because he didn't love me for who I was; he loved the idea of having a wife who did exactly what he said to do and never disagreed with him for any reason. The more I began to discover about myself and my AuDHD, the more he would say he missed the way I was when we first met: a hyper-anxious, depressed, undiagnosed AuDHD doormat.

Life is still rough. Finances are very tight because I ended up keeping the expensive rent, which wasn't so bad with two incomes but is very rough with just one. I also had to get a lawyer to help me with what should have been a simple divorce since we had no kids or assets, but he made it as difficult as he could. So, I also have a lot of lawyer debt I'm working to pay off. But, as my therapist and I agreed, it was a small price to pay to never have to speak to my ex-husband again.

Where will life take me next? Building a savings, and then, hopefully, traveling. My ex-husband didn't know how to save, or budget. We had quite literally no savings because he just wouldn't stop spending. So I'm trying to build up an emergency fund again, which I haven't had since before getting married.

[pocket-poly]

New relationship energy refers to a state of mind experienced at the beginning of relationships, typically involving heightened emotional and sexual feelings and excitement.

NRE is like a drug. AND NOT A POLYAM EXCLUSIVE THING... No joke. It comes in and gives you positive hopeful rose-colored glasses of lust, energy, and mushyness... goodness know I have had my fair share of toxic highs that sent me on worldwinds of adventures but looking back I'd like to punch myself for some choices I made.

Sometimes, I realize when it's passing from NRE to an ORE (old relationship energy) comfort zone... and it freaks me out... I wonder if it's NRE settling down and the powerful drug is losing the *high* it brings with it or am I losing the connection with someone? Or as i have called it before "The shiny wears off".

It's scary most of the time. The fight or fight and fear of hurt and heartache often gets me overthinking. This time it wasn't scary, because I can't yet say I have felt a shift... it just felt comfortable. Since the start. Like a safe landing. Almost as if all my chaos and madness were some sort of obstacle courses to complete, and he was waiting for me at the finish line.

It's been, "officially"

12 month... 52weeks... 365 days... 8760 hours...

ONE YEAR

And HE has made the biggest impact in my life in that time.

I have been loved in ways I have thought only existed in fairy tales and movies. I have been held, kissed, and touched in ways that have taught me to believe and see my own beauty. How my value, my existence & my worthy aren't tied to my abilities to do or give but simply existing is beautiful.

This "whole ass man" as my therapist calls him has spent the last year pouring his love into every Crack, scar, and emotional wound he can find. Simply holding space for ME to do the work, for ME to heal, for ME to grow. And yet he tells me with tears in his eyes, how much "I" have changed "his" life.

I wish I had more vocabulary, to explain the depths of what this last year with him has meant to me & given to me. But I lack the words and language to capture it.

I've experienced so many types of relationships, of different dynamics, and love in many forms. But this... love...energy... connection... has changed my expectations of what I'm willing to accept and has shown me I AM WORTH those expectations.

He came into my life when I was experiencing a drastic shift in my life. My own life was experiencing an Autumn with Upheaval in my blood family & cutting ties there, Upheaval & remodeling my home & home life, ending of relationship a long-term relationship with someone I still loved but I needed to let go of, and another fly by pass with a comet relationship. He... just showed up, and patiently stood here and began listening, cheering and reminding me. "You are amazing"

I have never once in the past year questioned his love, his motive, his feelings, or my place in his life. I had no idea how secure attachment felt before him and how to feel safe in love. Loavingmpeople always meant sacrifice hurt and forgiving.. this is so different, I'm thankful every day I get to experience feeling loved and valued and cared for in the many ways he has done so and chooses to continue to.

We have matching penny Keychains. They have a heart around 2022 on the front and 10/17 stamped on the back. I got them for us on Valentine's Day. I aim for small and highly emotional valued things, simply because I have a large amount of respect for metamores and don't like flashy things.

For our 1 year, I got this washer to go with the penny. It's the long/lat of where we met. And the back of the washer says, "started here" It is simple, and small but so meaningful.

I made a huge leap a year ago... I had no idea it would be one of the best and most impactful choices of my entire life. But it's probably one of the best things to have ever happened to me.

[haichihiro]

Hi! I saw your post about the Pedro Pascal character matchup and I was wondering if I could please get one? Your blog name and theme is really nice btw!

Personality description - It takes me a while to feel comfortable around new people but once I do, I become really talkative and outgoing. I love helping out and I'm the therapist friend, people come to me to vent or for advice and comfort. I'm smart and ambitious; I love being the best at everything I do. I'm deathly afraid of failure and disappointing the people I love. I'm quite the hopeless romantic and I love being in love! I adore big and small romantic gestures. I also daydream a lot and I can get lost in my own world for hours. I can be quite dramatic and stubborn, and I tend to be withdrawn and distant at times. I get frustrated easily and I'm quietly competitive. My love languages are acts of service (giving) and quality time (receiving)

Hobbies/likes - I adore adventures, witty and playful banter, pulling harmless pranks, joking around and having indepth discussions on anything and everything! I love reading, my favorite genres are poetry, Russian lit, and mysteries! I love learning about new things and knowing a little bit of everything, I'm very interested in psychology, history, mythology and folklore, and fashion! I adore all forms of art and storytelling, and I have quite a few creative hobbies! I especially enjoy interior decor.

Physical description - I'm 5'9 and I have long and curly dark brown hair and brown eyes. I have a fair skin tone, I'm slim and I've got full lips and slight dark circles under my eyes. I wear glasses and I also have these dimples that I really like! I love wearing makeup, and I almost always have a red lip on. I dress mostly in relaxed suits, blazers and coats and I love the occasional dress or sweaters layered over a white button down!

I'm sorry if this got too long! Thank you very much, I hope you have a lovely day ❤️

based on your qualities i think you’d work best with agent whiskey! hope you enjoy <3

warnings: a bit of fluff, a hint of some smut & some language.

when you first met the southern agent, it took you awhile to get used to his extroverted personality but in turn the both of you connected well

taking a job at statesmen was ambitious but you so were you— you were up for anything if you put your mind to it

agent whiskey had had caught your eye almost instantly

the two of you began to bond more because the amount of mission you’d done together

he admired how much work you put into the assignment, the long hours of training you would do and he appreciated all the help you wanted to give him

he found it cute how you’d start to zone out at times when he’d talk to you. he often teased you about it

“if you want to kiss me that bad sweetheart, just ask.” he teased with that damn smirk and that instantly woke you up from your silly little daydream. “you wish.” you’d muttered back before leaving the room with a blush on your face.

the two of you often messed with each other, constant flirting that went no where but one day that all changed

he always found you so beautiful, dressed to perfection when you came into work but one day you waltzed in with a red lip and the man went feral

the whole day he couldn’t focus on the tasks at hand. all he could think about was your pretty red lips

by the end of the day, a long meeting had finished and it was just the two of you left. whiskey often stayed behind with you when it got this late, always offering to walk you to your car. of course, he knew you could handle yourself but he wanted to be a gentleman.

the two of you were walking down the hallway towards the elevator before he stopped in his tacks making you stop as well

“jack?” you’d call, turning and walked back towards him with a look of confusion.

suddenly he backed you up against the wall, his hand grasping your chin making you look up at him. there was an obvious height difference and that was another thing you found attractive about him.

“been thinking about those lips all day, sugar.” he’d murmur, his thick southern drawl deepen than you’ve ever heard before. you felt hot all the sudden.

this quickly resulted in him hiking up your dress, you fumbling with his belt, as he finally claimed what had been his all along

the sight of your smeared lip stick was what made him come undone so quickly, not even ashamed at all because you were just that beautiful

the sight of his own lips stained by yours made you even more wet

“fuck— you look so pretty like this, baby.” he’d whispered during the feverish touching, and quick thrusts, trying to chase that high

that small quickie turned into much more after that day. he’d send you flowers, often got you coffee in the morning when he knew you were running late. he took you on many dates just to clarify how whipped he was for you.

[hel7l7]

Its fine if you dont want to answer this question but how did you realise you had bpd and how did you cope with it? I show signs but im scared of what will happen if i get diognosed

Hi anon,

I was very young when I got into therapy. When I was around 12 I got to my first therapist. When I was later diagnosed with an eating disorder I got treatment for that. During that treatment I soon figured there was something else "wrong" with me. There were things that I experienced that not all the other girls/boys in the groups I was in were experiencing.

I was around 16 when I got referred to another treatment center for DBT. Diagnostically my problems were stated as "Emotional regulation problems." Which referred to everything that was going on outside of all the eating disorder stuff I had going on. I wasn't as educated on everything then as I am now. And I was under 18, meaning they couldn't diagnose me with any personality disorder just yet.

In one of the reports I was sent there was a sentence that described something about my personal development that could become an issue. I don't know how to translate it properly but when I looked online it basically meant that there was a big chance that I would later on officially "develop" a personality disorder.

I asked my therapist but she was very careful about it. Since they were not allowed to give me a diagnosis just yet. On tumblr I saw more and more things about borderline personality disorder which I related to. I don't like the whole self diagnosing thing, but it did make me think. And since I had already gotten the report in which it stated that there was at least something going on I was only more curious. I asked another therapist from the same treatment center and she said that there was a big chance I would indeed get a bpd diagnosis once I turned 18.

It felt validating and scary at the same time. In the end I got both the BPD and AVPD diagnosis when I turned 18.

Did it change anything? Yes and no. Treatment wise nothing really changed. Everything is mostly based on the symptoms you show, especially under 18. DBT is a therapy for BPD but also many other disorders or issues can benefit from the therapy.

For myself I noticed that in the beginning when I was just figuring it all out it only made things worse. My diagnosis became my entire personality. ( haha funny ) I felt like now that I had my official validation I could behave the way I wanted just because I had an excuse. I was young and didn't understand myself enough to make wise choices. This started before I got my official diagnosis btw, from when I had my suspicions and started learning online I quickly fell into the idea that I had bpd and that this was who I was and this was how I was gonna be for the rest of my life.

I did DBT but wasn't motivated. The only reason I was in therapy was because my parents wanted it. I knew I had a problem but didn't want to change just yet. I didn't care enough about the tools I was being handed to deal with myself. I didn't care for getting better. I obviously learned things during that time, but I wasn't really into a place where I could really grow. ( This had much to do with the whole living situation rather than only my lack of motivation. It was just lots of trouble combined that lead to that specific therapy/therapist not being the best thing in my life. )

Now that I'm 24 I think it's just part of me. I don't use it as an excuse anymore. Although sometimes I joke about it with friends. But in the end I've learned how to take much more responsibility for my behaviour. I've done another round of DBT. I've had Schema Therapy. I've grown a lot coming from that place.

There's a lot of stigma going around when it comes to BPD or other personality disorders. This sucks. I think this is what I struggle with the most. You might think the internet is helping with this while it is mostly not. The goods do not yet outweigh the bad. It's something you have to come to terms with in a way. I'm glad that I've grown, that I've gotten therapy to learn about myself and my behaviour, and that I'm able to handle out of a healthier place when I'm in distress. This takes time. But it is possible.

How did I cope? Getting a BPD diagnosis, or any diagnosis, does not change anything about you. In fact you're probably the same you as you were before you got those words black on white. I think that's very important to keep in mind.

At the same time it can be very validating to see your struggles are being taken seriously.

I don't think that my way of dealing with it was the best way to cope. But I was very young and not able to do it otherwise. If you can I'd advice you to search for a fitting place/therapist to start treatment for BPD/personality disorders.

Try to learn about BPD to understand yourself, try to explain what is going on inside of you when things go wrong to those around you. But don't use BPD as an excuse.

Something things do happen because you spiral out of control. BPD Isn't easy to deal with. I know. But analyse those moments and learn from them rather than just say "I've got BPD and this is who I am."

You can heal. You can grow. Things do get better.

I'm here if you need to talk. I have BPD and I'm very different now compared to who I was when I was 18 and freshly diagnosed. ;) There's hope.

[bisluthq]

But I cannot for the LIFE of me understand WHAT THE FUCK was Matty's reasoning throughout all of this????//

Urgh anon I feel you, I really do😭 as maddenning as the whole thing is though I do think that the simple answer is that Matty is a drug addict (per his own words, he has straight up said it) and drug addicts tend to impulsively search for temporary highs in different forms, often without being aware that that's what they're doing. Tbf Matty has also said that he's now clean from the heroin and stuff but Taylor does sing about him buying pills and being stoned so🤷🏻‍♀️ And anyways, even if a drug addict is in recovery they're still bound to have erratic behaviours and/or withdrawal symptoms and I legit think that's a big part of why this man is the mess he is. Like he would be messy anyways but with the drugs he just stands no chance and so he ends up hurting the people around him a lot without meaning to.

I did have a phase there in 2022 where I was very into the 1975 and Matty specifically as in, I wanted to fuck him and yes that is so deeply embarrassing for my life and for my soul I know ☠️☠️ but besties we'd just come out of a global pandemic that'd nearly done me in literally like I really almost ended it all so I wasn't exactly ok and I did a bunch of messy questionable stuff that year and yes had a crush on Matty bc I was fresh out the slammer (as in the pandemic lol). When it was confirmed in May that Taylor was in fact hooking up with him I joked with Nat that she went ahead and fucked him for me💀😭 but that was all before the man outed himself as an avid enjoyer of deranged misogynistic racist porn and before he said the racist ass shit about Ice Spice. No crush of mine has ever been so quickly and effectively extinguished as that one was, the moment I knew about that he was suddenly the most disgusting and unappealing human ever to me🤷🏻‍♀️ ngl kinda wish my irl crush that I've been pining after for years would do something repulsive like that and kill the crush once and for all lol. But yeah when Nat put 2 and 2 together about Question...? there was no question (pun intended lol) between us that the song was about Matty, I'd been listening a lot to 75 songs and yeah he is the certified Sad Boi and she was the certified Good Girl back in Tatty 1.0. I think the ootw sample at the begginning of the song is making a nod to the time period when this happened, not to our boy Harold. Crazy how she was wanting explanations from Matty back then and once again does now 10 years later💀I was listening to the album again while walking home yesterday and Nat you're right I had too much faith in her lol it really does feel like she wrote this album instead of going to therapy 💀😭 it's like if she'd managed to write her way out of 2016. I do think that's ultimately a good thing though bc she carried around the wounds and trauma of 2016 for years but with this it seems like she effectively sucked the poison out of the wounds and is very determined to close the chapter and heal. I still really wish she would just go to therapy though😩 girlie can pay for the best therapist in all of the US if she wants and make them sign the most solid NDA for privacy. I legit wonder if that has been a hold up for her going to therapy, maybe she's terrified of things leaking and feels like she could never truly trust a therapist/inhibit herself enough to be able to say everything she needs to say, and so she ends up thinking that it's not worth it and instead talks to her friends and makes unhinged songs lol

”Crazy how she was wanting explanations from Matty back then and once again does now 10 years later💀” literally tho.

Also ngl I’m very grateful for your (brief but intense) crush on Matty because without it I’d never have figured out Question and then I wouldn’t be out here feeling as vindicated as I am in a post TTPD world.