#the game was also about like a guy narrating his life experiences but it was displayed by like visual metaphors or smth

[dan-crimes]

I hate the creativity my dream mind has because I rarely have dreams and my dreams tend to be the most thought out creative things I've seen myself create just fully functioning game ideas or murder mystery type deals or just complex storylines or even just fully self indulgent crossovers with cartoon characters lmao and it makes me UPSET bcuz I can never think of that stuff while I'm AWAKE so I think my dreams are sucking up all my creativity

[skeltrr]

woke up with the urge to talk about P1 again, and I got a request to share my thoughts on his diary entries.

lets find out why I really don't think p1 is secretly a good person worthy of any sympathy for his actions

I'm gonna start this off by saying that I truly believe not just anybody can be a killer. It's my opinion that Dude must have been a violent person before his delusions ever took hold. But that doesn't take away from the "this could happen to anybody" aspect. It could, if you incubate a guy in hate his whole life and hand him a gun, yeah, he could also turn out this way.

But I do not buy Dude's excuse that Paradise is absolutely an evil place that needs to be culled. Maybe it is dangerous, but his unreliable narration is something we shouldn't forget about.

Entry one. Dude is freaked out about losing his house and his stress/anxiety is obviously high. But it's important to note his solution to this is to buy a fuckin gun. Right off the bat we have his viscous and confrontational nature shining through. This also says he bought a sidearm, which generally refers to a pistol. I don't see why it would be any different here. Conceal and carry and all that.

This is not the only gun he owns, because we start the game with an AR.

And that tips me off to Dude planning his course of action at least a little bit. You don't need an AR (especially one illegally modified to be auto instead of semi-auto) more than you need a pistol in any given self-defense situation. Unless you think you will have multiple targets that need to be taken out in rapid succession, of course.

The rifle also has endless ammunition. Guess we can safely headcanon that he stocked up. For what? I DUNNO....

level 2 lets us know that immediately after shooting up his neighborhood, Dude is already stuck to the narrative that he is the only sane person around. He's trying to get to the sheriff, but it's not to help anyone but himself.

By level 3 he's already calling everyone animals. This is an important nod to how he views his fellow human beings. They're just animals. This 'sickness' has turned them into something he doesn't feel the need to empathize with. He has put himself on a huge pedestal here. Still not actively trying to save anyone, though.

Now he wants to napalm the whole town and he wants the Air Force to do it. He continues to be self-serving. 'Ensuring this madness doesn't contaminate the rest of the country' doesn't really ring out as a heroic statement after the things he's already done and said. I still think he's out to save his own skin by finding or creating some kind of safe haven.

It's important to note on this one that the "parade" was actually just a parade. These fools were literally just playing music down the street and Dude decided they were maniacs that needed to be put down. Not only that, after this experience he turns his diary into a "war journal". If his "me against them and that includes innocents" mindset hasn't become clear yet... Let's keep goin.

here he's just getting excited to have the advantage. Because I think he likes killing and the power that comes with it. He hasn't shown any remorse yet for any lives lost.

Now he's convinced himself he has to kill everyone and he's going to do it not only efficiently (what a wild word to use when referring to murder), but without any fucking remorse as well? I mean come on man, this guy thinks he's the dealer of divine punishment. And he isn't sparing anybody.

These two are the best evidence that he's trying to help anyone during this rampage of his, but these still sound incredibly self-serving to me. I mean, he does say he's going to warn them. I guess that's... Noble. Except that he doesn't even do that. He never mentions ever trying to do this at the train station or after. It's never brought up again.

Why he gotta kill the ostriches? They sick too? Or does he just like killin.

I feel like these are starting to speak for themselves. I'm still not seeing a savior complex or hidden compassion. Not seeing any tears for the lost on this one boys. also the "prepare for.... deconstruction!" is straight from the loading screens. The entire entry echoes what the demon's says.

Maybe he and the demon ain't so different, i dunno.

I don't take this one seriously. He is making jokes, he knows he's the deadliest thing out and about tonight.

The last 4 entries are just him worrying about his own skin again. Still not showing us any remorse because he famously regrets nothing. And at this point he just kinda seems tired of it all, I mean the game takes place over the course of a DAYS long spree.

I guess an argument could be made that the whole overarching plot of Dude trying to find the source of this 'infection' and put himself in harms way to do it would be the proof he thinks himself a savior. Howeverrrr.... If he does think that of himself, it has nothing to do with his compassion or his want to do good. This man is on a murder spree, his delusions are all wrapped up in his distrust and dislike of the government, authorities and even general public. He is killing and elevating himself on an insane power trip while also remaining the victim in his own mind to justify his actions.

I do not think Dude is an especially good person at his core and I don't believe his delusions popped out of nowhere due to stress alone. I believe the "demon" and the delusion/hallucinations as a whole were tailored to Dude's already shitty nature, desires and fears.

Okay well... I guess that's all I got to say for now. See ya

[samirant]

Dungeon Crawler Carl & You

*taps microphone*

Okay, so I've been going off about Dungeon Crawler Carl for months now and I do not see it stopping at any point, so let's see if I can entice one or two of you to join in my madness.

DCC is Lit RPG and written like a video game come to life, from the point of view of the contestants trapped within the game. There are levels to conquer and loot boxes and quests and an AI running things that has a very tenuous hold on stability to begin with and doesn't keep it for very long.

Carl is just... a guy. He's just a guy with a traumatic backstory that he's squished deep down inside himself because he doesn't like drama and he thinks he's doing just fine because it's done, you know? It's in the past, can't change it, can't hurt him anymore.

(It can hurt him. It does hurt him.)

The world as we know it is destroyed in a split second, Carl surviving by mere happenstance and the only reason he goes into the dungeon is that he will literally freeze to death otherwise. At no point is this guy searching for glory or thinking he's a savior, he's just trying to survive another day. That Carl happens to have his ex-girlfriend's prize-winning tortie Persian cat with him is a coincidence - and it turns out to be his major lifeline in the entire series. Princess Donut is his partner in crime, his bestie for life and if he ever loses her, he will lose everything. Goodbye to the last vestiges of his sanity.

The first couple levels are pretty contained, Carl & Donut learning the ropes and how to survive every encounter with increasingly powerful enemies who want nothing more than to see them dead, the eyes of the universe and the corporations running the shitshow ever focusing on them and trying to eke out as much profit as possible at the same time.

Then they meet other survivors - both good and misled - and the beauty of humanity comes out, the sacrifices they are willing to make for one another, the knowledge that they aren't likely to survive, but they make the right choices anyway because dying might be bad, but letting each other down is worse.

The secondary characters grow in complexity with every level. Where it was once just Carl & Donut, it becomes dozens of characters, from all over the world, all of them gifted in their own way, all of them fighting as best they can, some of them betrayed, some of them dying, some of them choosing to go out on their own terms. Men and women and animal alike, they are individual and committed to the greater good.

Matt Dinniman has written a series that takes an emotional toll on its readers: pain, loss, horror, humor, desperation, walking through life with an unrelenting grief. There are dick jokes and drug-dealing, lava-spitting llamas and riffs on Wonderwall and lines like: Trauma does that, I thought. It's an explosion with your heart at the center. It changes everything all at once.

Also, there are velociraptors.

And a decapitated, talking sex doll head that wants to kill everyone's mothers.

It's a LOT of stuff going on, all right?

And just as you think the story can't get any better, enter Jeff Hays. Our audiobook narrator, our man of a hundred distinct voices. Good god, he's phenomenal. I've listened to so many books and while there are some very talented narrators out there, Jeff Hays leaves them in the motherfucking dust. I honest to god thought he was using an app to manipulate his voice for different characters until I saw him narrating in real time and I was utterly blown away by his talent.

The combination of this story by Matt Dinniman and narration by Jeff Hays has me going back, time and time again. I recommend the experience wholeheartedly and hope you'll give it a chance.

[homestuckreplay]

some times video games, DOES CAUSE violence: Who Is Dave Strider?

Character Deep Dive 3 - 7/7/2009

TG: im wearing them ironically TG: because theyre awesome TG: the fact that theyre ironic makes them awesome TG: and vice versa TG: are you taking notes on how to be cool?? jesus get a fucking pen (p.110)

With an ‘OH PSYCHE’ and a dramatic sword slash into the digital world, Dave Strider made his dramatic entrance into Homestuck on June 29, 2009. We’ve previously seen a few of his instant messenger chats with John, which establish him as a disaffected and irony-poisoned guy who values the idea of being ‘cool’ and dismisses his friend’s earnest interests. Actually seeing Dave as a point of view character gives a very different impression - he's emotionally dependent on the people around him, doesn't have a strong sense of self, and is scared to express an earnest thought. And he's not even the tiniest bit cool.

Below the cut is an analysis of what we learn about Dave in the first 350 pages of Homestuck, through the framework of his stated interests on p.315. It's about 4.4k words because much like Dave, I can’t shut up.

1 - You have a penchant for spinning out UNBELIEVABLY ILL JAMS with your TURNTABLES AND MIXING GEAR.

Dave’s computer (p.323) has two desktop files for his jams - ‘ILL BEATS’ and ‘DOPE RHYMES. SO DOPE’ which I can only assume are two separate musical genres that Dave understands the nuance of, even while his listeners do not. However, despite Homestuck regularly featuring music as part of the story, we don’t hear any of Dave’s sick mixtapes. Instead, we make them for him (p.338) - meaning Dave’s first stated interest is one that the audience has control over. This is like if on page 4, each reader got to enter a list of movies for John to love, and those movies were substituted into the later comic, giving every reader a unique experience of John’s taste. 

John is established as someone who has a very specific taste, staying firm while other characters and the narration criticize him. Dave is established as easily influenced by other people’s creative impulses and opinions on art. Whether the reader seriously creates something they enjoy, or layers all 16 or 20 beats at once in an unlistenable mess, the next page still reads ‘Those beats were so fresh they belong in the produce aisle’ (p.339). Dave thinking whatever the reader does is cool is similar to him thinking whatever his bro does is cool, which he mentions throughout his pesterlogs and narration in reference to diverse topics like the sylladex, video games, and puppets. 

He’s also easily influenced by John, perhaps even gullible, as John’s talk of a monster pissing in apple juice at the factory is enough to get inside Dave’s head and stop him from drinking the bottle he was excited about, and Dave switches instantly from parroting the GameBro review of Sburb to believing that Sburb can save Rose’s life, based only on what John says. A big question I’m interested in with Dave is what he actually likes, and where to draw the line between his own interests and opinions, and those of other people that he copies without exploring for himself.

Dave being a technology guy is the first thing we learn about him because of his username, turntechGodhead. We see Dave protective of his turntables, not wanting to spill anything on them (p.315) and we see him refer to his technology by the model name, suggesting that the specifics of the tech are important to him (p.337). Three of Dave’s six stated interests relate to music - unbelievably ill jams, bands no-one’s heard of, and phat rhymes. As music was notably absent from John and Rose’s interests, despite them being skilled instrumentalists, this over-focus on music is really notable. Dave’s musical interests explore the full spectrum of creating vs appreciating music, with Dave creating remixes as the exact middle point, a form of creation that is based on incorporating other artists’ work that Dave enjoys. This is kind of perfect for him as someone whose personality might just be a remix of his brother’s. 

We get no sense of Dave being religious, so the ‘godhead’ in his name apparently refers to how Dave presents himself and his creations. He talks as though his opinions are objectively correct, even in narration, and describes himself as being ‘worshipped’, with people prostrating themselves before him and kissing his shoes. However, music itself can be a religious experience. In Christianity, for example, songs of praise are a form of worship and a way to bring believers closer to God, and all major world religions have their own musical traditions. In secular culture, for many people, music intensifies emotions, creates community, and can create feelings of reverence and catharsis similar to those experienced in religious worship (see this article and this deviation for examples). I can easily imagine Dave feeling the same way, and music being his truest expression of emotion and therefore the thing that hits him most deeply and defines his life.

2 - You like to rave about BANDS NO ONE'S EVER HEARD OF BUT YOU.

We are taking this one on faith, because so far, we haven't seen Dave raving about any bands. He does own an extensive and colorful record collection which he keeps beneath his turntables, but he hasn't looked at any, or given the reader a chance to rifle through them the way we did with John's game collection. This interest parallels Rose's 'RATHER OBSCURE LITERATURE', and similarly, I don't think Dave's bands are genuinely underground - they're probably well regarded indie bands who aren't in the pop charts. If I’m headcanoning Dave’s favorite bands it’s Dirty Projectors, Porcupine Tree, The Streets, Animal Collective, Modest Mouse and LCD Soundsystem. The only real world media we know for sure Dave likes is Starsky & Hutch (2004), and Ben Stiller as an actor. Some of Ben Stiller’s work is definitely ironic comedy, but it’s still fairly mainstream.

It's also possible that Dave already got his only three friends to listen to his obscure bands, and now they have heard of them, meaning Dave can no longer act smug and superior about being the only one that knows them. This is a tragic and self defeating prophecy, and there's no direct textual evidence for it, but I came up with the idea while thinking about the Midnight Crew comic. Dave has a poster and bedspread of this comic but '[hasn't] looked at it in a while' (p.327), so he's less of a fan than he used to be. John also reads Midnight Crew and its predecessor (p.112), so I wonder if Dave got John into mspaintadventures and it then lost its magic of being something cool to Dave. There is a real loneliness in not being able to share your interests with somebody for fear that it will ruin them somehow, or that other people won't understand them the same way - Dave also mentions that it's hard to explain the 'subtleties' of his ironic appreciation (p.318). John likes everything so earnestly in a way that seems uncomfortable for Dave.

3 - You collect WEIRD DEAD THINGS PRESERVED IN VARIOUS WAYS.

Much like the record collection, we can see evidence of Dave's weird dead things in his room, but it's not an interest he's explored in the comic. Page 337 gives us a good view of his specimens, which appear to include an embryo in a jar of liquid, an assortment of scorpions, centipedes and beetles encased in solid material, a fish encased in a different solid, and various rocks, fossils and bones just chilling on the shelf. We don't learn whether Dave collects and preserves the specimens himself or buys them like this, but I found guides online for preserving specimens as a hobby using commercially available supplies, and those sunglasses are kind of like safety goggles (or at least better than nothing). Either way, this interest sticks out - all the others are very typical for a selfconsciously cool indie guy, but even if it's ironic, this is some confirmed nerd shit.

I do think Weird Science will become important to Homestuck. John's interested in ectoBiology and paranormal lore, Rose lives next door to a mysterious laboratory and has the ethos of a mad scientist, and now Dave displays biological specimens on a shelf. I'm always thinking about how the comic is setting itself up to explore some fascinating dichotomies (spectrums?) like physical vs digital and technology vs religion, and I'm now adding art vs science to that list.

I also think we can interpret this interest non-literally, and think about what other things Dave might like to preserve. Vinyl was thought of as a dead medium for decades, until a recent indie resurgence that Dave is helping with. Photography, Dave's next interest, is a way of preserving a moment in time that can't be relived. And one popular argument for why the Internet is good is that while physical items like a paper book will degrade over time, digital data like a website can be preserved forever. Maybe part of the reason Dave feels a lot of responsibility towards his websites is because he knows that people could still be reading them decades or even centuries from now, when he himself is a weird dead thing. In a story where Sburb represents the near-limitless potential for creation and destruction, it is very interesting that Dave, the biggest Sburb hater, is associated with preservation.

4 - You are an AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHER and operate your own MAKESHIFT DARKROOM.

Again, Dave hasn't discussed his photography, but his pictures are strung up around his room. This is fascinating because it implies that the makeshift darkroom is also Dave's actual room, not the bathroom or a spare room or closet. This might suggest that like John, Dave doesn't have much control over the rest of the house. His brother has puppets strung up in the hallway and bathroom, but Dave either isn't allowed to hang his photos there, or he's not comfortable hanging them where the rest of his family might see. It also suggests that Dave simply draws the blinds, switches off the lights and screens, and exists in his room in darkness, navigating by touch and memory alone. This might tie into how half his hobbies are related to sound, not sight - and Dave wearing sunglasses indoors could be a way of practicing finding his way around with reduced sight, or an effect of regularly doing so, if Dave spends enough time in darkness that he now struggles with bright lights.

Three of Dave's four visible photos are selfies of him in different poses, despite a host of interesting things to photograph in his room. I'm thinking of a line from House of Leaves where a character, famous for her smile, is described as practicing it every night in front of the mirror when she was fourteen. Dave is the same to me. He's regularly associated with muting and masking his emotions - for example, saying 'Nah.' to retrieving his arms from cinderblocks (p.313), where John and Rose had far stronger emotional reactions to similar commands (p.5, p.218). Dave photographing himself in the perfect expression or pose surgically designed to look effortless, then studying those photographs and iterating from there, is so easy to imagine.

Conversely, for someone who is so dedicated to concealing emotion to the point of wearing sunglasses and hiding his eyes even while alone, making art (like photography and music) is probably the only way Dave knows how to process his feelings. Sadly we are in a post-cassette tape world, but Dave is such a 'make a mixtape for his crush' type of guy that I can imagine him finding a bunch of limewire rips, compressing them into a zip file and emailing them to John, who replies like 'I don't know how to open this'.

5 - You maintain a number of IRONICALLY HUMOROUS BLOGS, WEBSITES, AND SOCIAL NETWORKING PROFILES.

We are treated to two of Dave's ironically humorous websites - sweet bro’s hella blog, a blogspot page, and SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF, a dot com that really exists (and redirects to the SBAHJ comic on mspaintadventures). This explains everything. A blogspot is one thing but owning a dot com makes you a Guy Who Owns Web Domains, which feels extremely cool despite being ultimately meaningless. These sites also establish how much Dave has to say - we see this in pesterlogs too, where Dave will message John every few minutes asking for updates on the Sburb beta (p. 26, 35, 110) or send twenty messages in a row even after John has said he’s leaving the chat (p.204). 

On sweet bro’s hella blog (p.325), Dave’s just yelling into the void with no real goal in mind, just an idea he thought would be funny. I do think his March review is pretty funny, but I also think Dave likes GameBro for real. He respects their opinions - ‘did you see how it got slammed in game bro????’ (p.26) - and changes the subject when John criticizes it. He’s also adopted the lexicon, as the GameBro review of Sburb (p.42) is written similarly to how Dave types. But mostly I’m interested in Dave’s blog’s followers. He has at least twelve, and maybe more. The Ghostbusters icon is almost certainly John, but none of the icons jump out as Rose or GG. They could be real people - or they could be more of Dave’s accounts, with him creating an extensive social network of characters who interact with each other’s posts ‘ironically’. If Dave is someone who craves social interaction, this could be a way he copes with loneliness.

In SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF (p.326), Dave is creating something. He’s a webcomic artist! He might even have been inspired by the Midnight Crew. He’s only made four comics so far, which I’ll call ‘stairs’, ‘HE HE HE’, ‘jelly’, and ‘BARACK’. These all feature two characters, who are presumably Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, but it’s not defined which is which, so I’ll call them Red and Blue. Red’s mom makes an appearance in HE HE HE, and there’s a squirrel in BARACK, but these are side characters. The dynamic seems to be Red getting into situations, and Blue expositing/commentating on them. They are both gamers, might also be stoners, and Blue is possibly transmasc. BARACK suggests that the two characters might represent the American political parties, which makes sense, because the recent 2008 election is probably the first political moment Dave’s been old enough to have real knowledge and opinions on. 

SBAHJ is clearly intended to be near impossible to parse, filled with nonsensical dialog and plot points and horrific jpeg compression, so it’s extremely hard to analyze right now. I think this might be on purpose, and that part of Dave’s layers of irony are him not wanting people to learn too much about him through his art. The line between irony and sincerity is something really fascinating to me, because these concepts are so embedded into internet culture. Dave tells himself he’s making something that’s bad on purpose, and that he’s doing it ironically. But he actually believes that what he’s making is good. He thinks it’s good because of the irony, but he’s still making art that he’s proud of, he’s still showing vulnerability by posting it on the internet and getting people’s honest reactions, no matter how many layers he tries to cloak that in. 

Dave does think of his blog as a responsibility - ‘ive got a lot of shit on my plate, i am sort of a big deal ok?’ (p.333) - and I think that’s a really common feeling. Having any kind of following, even if it’s just John, his bro, and a couple of strangers on the internet, can easily turn into feeling like there’s an obligation to create content for them. If Dave’s cool bro has promoted Dave’s work, that becomes even more pressure, since those are people Dave probably wants to impress. So when he says he doesn’t have time to read Midnight Crew (p.332) or play Sburb with Rose (p.333), I don’t think he’s lying, or making himself out to be busier than he is.

Much like Dave’s sick beats (p.338), SBAHJ is the first time a Homestuck character has created something that also exists in our world. I think it’s very interesting that John, Rose and Dave all have meta roles to play in the story, but they are all different flavors of meta. John’s meta role is explicitly that of a character, but one that the reader, player, and narrator are all able to control at times through the various layers of the narrative (p.90, p.253, etc). Rose’s meta role is that of a player, able to control John’s environment in godlike ways and be immune to the commands of the Vagabond, another player (p.139, p.277, etc). Now, Dave’s meta role is that of the narrator, as he infodumps and exposits even when nobody is around, posts commentary, and creates an entirely separate narrative on his own website.

6 - And if the inspiration strikes, you won't hesitate to drop some PHAT RHYMES on a mofo and REPRESENT.

The phatness of rhymes can’t be quantified scientifically, but I did my best. I tried reading both of Dave’s raps aloud, doing my best to put them to a beat. The first four lines (p.287) went well, and it all fell apart from there. 

This didn’t feel like a fair test as I’d never usually read rap lyrics before listening to the song - so I read the lyrics to Lil Wayne’s 2008 song A Milli, and Kendrick Lamar’s 2009 remix of the same song, which I hadn’t listened to before. These were both much easier to read in rhythm, and when I listened to the songs afterwards, they were decently close to what I’d imagined. To further control the variables, I read Andrew Hussie’s 2005 comic And It Don’t Stop, which centers around rap battles. Here, too, the rhymes and rhythms are crisp - so this is a Dave issue, and not an author issue.

Dave is trying to use the word ‘McConaughey’ in a rap. He is probably inspired by far more experienced rappers who might be able to pull that off, but Dave definitely can’t. I think he’s skipping steps and trying to make something complex before he has the basics nailed down. His raps also highlight how self centered he is, much like his infinite recursion of ironic websites. John reveals that his life was in danger, and Dave’s instant reaction is: ‘how can I make this about my art?’ 

However, I’m concerned about the cultural implications of Dave’s raps. We don’t know Dave’s race and he definitely could be black, but there’s no specific indication of that. He’s represented in #ffffff, which is closer to a white skin tone than any other - many black and white comics use shading to denote a dark skinned character. Due to the nature of white privilege, white is culturally seen as the ‘default’ or ‘unraced’ option. In books, race or skin tone will be described for characters of color but not mentioned for white characters, and both Lego and The Simpsons use yellow skin for the majority of their characters as an ostensibly universal option, but still depict characters of color with brown skin tones, implying that the default yellow actually means white. 

Written by a white author, it’s likely that Homestuck has the same problem - and two factors make this even more concerning. The first is And It Don’t Stop, which was co-created by Black artist Tauhid Bondia, but was entirely written by white artist Andrew Hussie. The comic includes multiple instances of the n-word as well as a couple other race related jokes. The second is Dave’s raps themselves, one of which is an irreverent analysis of black presidents in movies at the start of the Obama era. Real life black people have incredibly varied opinions on race and politics, but Dave is a fictional character, and even if he is intended to be textually black, it’s uncomfortable for a white author to write him rapping about living in a post-racism world. 

I think it’s likely that the author - and by extension, Dave himself - are justifying their racism by claiming that it’s ironic and doesn’t represent their actual beliefs, failing to see that the effects of their words are exactly the same. I can give Dave the benefit of the doubt because he is 13 years old and doesn’t exist, but I think the very real 29 year old creator of this work should do better.

7 - The Absence of Gaming

John and Rose shared one common interest, which was video games. We know that Dave reads GameBro, owns the Sburb beta, and has played Problem Sleuth and And It Don’t Stop with John (or at least enjoys the art of these games). And yet, he doesn’t cite gaming as an interest, which I've been puzzling and theorizing over in my mind.

Dave likes gaming unironically and loves playing games with John. He reads GameBro to find out what the Correct Contrarian Takes are that’ll be socially acceptable in Cool Guy Circles. He does this to keep up with his bro, who he has a ‘campaign of one-upmanship’ with (p.314) not dissimilar from the Prankster’s Gambit between John and his dad, and who plays a very important role in his life. The magazine is called GameBro, Dave’s comic features Sweet Bro, and Dave effusively compliments his brother in both pesterlogs and narration, such as ‘my bro taught me a few tricks he basically knows everything and is awesome’ (p.35). 

Dave tells John to brush up on his data structures and allocate his strife specibus, but never actually demonstrates his own knowledge of data structures, and doesn’t know the specific procedure for allocating the specibus (p.35). Dave’s not an expert himself, he’s just parroting the sylladex tricks his bro taught to him. Dave never states a reason for his disinterest in Sburb beyond ‘it sounds so HELLS of boring’ (p.110), and we know that Dave’s bro also doesn’t plan on playing Sburb (p.314). Dave also implies that he’s a little bit scared of his brother with the mildly threatening ‘hes not gonna be happy about [my taking his Sburb discs]’ (p.294).

It’s highly possible that Dave’s love of irony also comes directly from imitating his bro, who is probably a 16 year old high schooler involved in a weird theater kid subculture, based on typical sibling age gaps and the puppets strung around the house. To Dave at 13, of course an older, alternative teen is going to be the absolute height of cool, even while it all looks silly to an outsider. I think that John’s stack modus is actually a very standard option for a sylladex, and that Dave and his bro are the weird ones insisting that hash map is usable - I can imagine them being like ‘why is everyone always using “plates” and “bowls”? I eat all of my meals out of aluminum foil folded into the right shapes.’ 

Dave’s post-ironic hipsterism isn’t exclusive to men, of course, but it is a very specific type of masculinity - ironic sexism is a known phenomenon. Dave, who confines his emotions to an expressionless nod, solves the minor problem of someone getting his name wrong by making a violent sword attack, and makes gay jokes but gets defensive the second someone suggests that he might be gay, is definitely falling into some toxic masculinity. 

Gender roles (both male and female) are unachievable ideals for even the most cisgender and perisex of people, but I think there’s a reading of Dave as a transgender man who came out when he was young and passes well, but always has to put in more work than the other men around him, because he has to work against biology and other people’s perception of his gender. Whether Dave is trans or cis, I think his ninja sword could be a metaphor for masculinity - it’s allocated to his strife specibus, but his actual strife portfolio is empty, and the sword is displayed on the wall. To me this says that Dave is a man, but he’s more concerned with the outward performance of masculinity than actually buying into those gender roles.

Final Thoughts

Just like Rose, Dave has meticulously crafted the personality he wants to have, but there are plenty of cracks in his facade. All three of our main characters so far are easy to understand and easy to relate to - right from their early appearances, we can see the clear disconnects between characters’ words, thoughts and actions, and effortlessly synthesize them into a coherent character. The author is simply gifted at characterization. The patterns of character introductions are very cool too, making readers both want and expect to see certain things, such as the characters allocating their strife specibus or playing a haunting tune (personally I’m most excited to explore Rose and Dave’s houses further like we have John’s). Establishing these patterns means I have a better sense of where the story is, and don’t have as many questions, though of course some mysteries remain, such as:

Just what is Dave’s cool brother’s deal, really? 

Will Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff (the characters) eventually cross the boundary into the Homestuck universe? Will we ever find out which one is which? 

Are the characters’ interests intended to be things they’re bad at (when they’re skills)? Could this be why music isn’t featured in John and Rose’s lists of interests, but is in Dave’s? Could this mean that Dave kicks ass at video games? 

To what extent are the images in Homestuck literal and to what extent are they representational? Or, in other words, do Dave’s sunglasses really gleam when we get his name right?

Dave’s message to John about apple juice (p.324) is almost identically worded to the preceding narration (p.320). Is the narration a perfect representation of character thoughts for everyone all the time, or is this only true for Dave because he’s positioned closer to the narrator?

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Flying Too Close To the Moon (a Baizhu character analysis)

Over a year ago now, in February of 2023, Genshin Impact's twitter account posted about a certain green-haired doctor from Liyue with a snake, announcing that he was at long last going to become playable. *narrator voice* Little did I know at that point just how much my life was going to be ruined changed by this man, something I never could have fathomed in all my time of playing before.

Today, by the time of Baizhu's birthday, almost a year since his release, he has never left my team and is one of my ultimate comfort characters... and at the same time, paradoxically, fills me with such intense feelings of dread, if I ever think just a little too hard about him for a little too long.

This is my experience with him.

From the beginning, I wasn't one of the people who had been anxiously awaiting for Baizhu's release. I'd always been curious about him, and thought he was beautiful (but lol who in this game isn't?), but there was practically nothing to know, and he appeared so little, so not being an existing fan, I didn't think much about him compared to other more prominent characters. With that first drip marketing, however, I was suddenly instantly intrigued:

"Regrettably, Baizhu cannot save all his patients — himself, for example. Herbalist Gui has mentioned that Baizhu's physical condition is extremely poor, and he often has to go back to his residence to rest after seeing patients. Even so, his smile never falters while in front of people. When Gui asked him about this, he replied, "If the doctor looks sick himself, how can his patients face their illnesses with confidence?" Day after day, Baizhu heals his patients. His ever-present smile hides the numerous bitter medicines he takes and the pain he suffers alone."

What's this, Baizhu is a doctor who is also sick himself? He has a chronic illness?? Finally I have a disabled character in a video game I can play as and relate to??? Not to mention the DELICIOUS angst potential the (absolutely devastating) last sentence held. Unfortunately, because my lazy ass rarely ever talks to npcs outside of quests, I was completely unaware of this very important little fact about Baizhu, learned via Herbalist Gui that had been in the game since literally 1.0, but to say that I was excited upon finally learning it now was an understatement. This changed everything, turning a character I had previously only had a passing interest in into someone I felt like I might be able to connect with, and a character I could truly call my own. Previously, my favorite Genshin character was Zhongli — he was my very first limited 5* and I started the game pretty much because I was interested in him lol — but just from this short summary alone, I had a strong feeling that Baizhu had the potential to surpass him, and become my new favorite.

My initial impressions from everything we knew about Baizhu pre-release (for how little that was) were that he was a kind, selfless doctor who didn't want others to see his weakness, but in secret was striving for immortality in order to save his own life from his severe illness. Qiqi seemed to be someone he observes to further his research in gaining said immortality, but his love and care for her still feels sincere, although he can never properly convey this in words because, to me at least, he's keeping himself at a distance from her and others so as to not hurt them too much if he passed away. Baizhu tearing out Qiqi's journal entry about him being a good person so that she doesn't dwell on and remember such things about him seemed to support this, as well.

Upon release, we also had Dainsleif's lines about Baizhu in his collected miscellany video, which made me emotional as well: Dain, someone who is cursed with and suffers daily from immortality that he never asked for, respects Baizhu's desire for immortality himself, because for him it would be freedom from the pain and suffering he already experiences, seemingly. Most people want immortality for selfish reasons, but for Baizhu, I thought, it's out of a desire to save his very life, and in turn save more people as a doctor in the future. It's human, understandable, and the mark of an incredibly caring and altruistic person, and Baizhu wanting to heal himself is something to be sympathized with, especially if you can relate to his pain.

This part in particular from his demo was so powerful to me: the defiance of his fate, of his death, and the display of his continued strength of will and resolve, and even skill in battle, no matter how physically weak he may be. Though he still has his doubts and his guilt, here he says "I will not die, I will beat the odds, and no one can decide my fate for me, nor can they shake my resolve."

All of this only made me love him more and more. I was hoping we would get to see his insecurities and fears about his condition and his possible fate, and that he would learn to allow himself to be cared for by those who loved him — to realize at least a little bit more that he will never be a burden on others, because the guilt over such things is all too real for someone with a disability or chronic illness. His non-spoiler voice lines were so comforting and hopeful, and I wanted his story to be hopeful as well, without going as far as to magically cure him like what unfortunately happened with Collei.

That was what I wanted. More or less, that was what I expected, especially with the copious other examples of the "overworked character learns they need to take a break and feel supported by the traveler" storyline in Genshin insert the waifu baizhu (waifzhu?) jokes here.

And then, I played Baizhu's story quest.

.....No image in the world can fully sum up exactly how I felt after that, but, well, I think Paimon here is the closest I can get.

I still remember it like it was yesterday. I remember standing there, at the bottom of the steps leading up to the pharmacy where the end of the quest left me, not knowing how to feel. Feeling completely numb. Feeling like I'd just gotten punched in the gut a million times over. Feeling sick. Call me overdramatic, too overly attached to fiction, whatever, but no words can possibly convey just how much the revelations about Baizhu in his quest fucked me up. I did not feel good for quite a few days after playing it, as it haunted me, as I turned it over and over again in my mind. Not just the information given itself, but how it was given; the entire tone of it all. At some point I was finally able to make myself cry, and it was only then that I felt at least marginally better. But I'd be lying if I said that I've ever truly and fully processed and let sunk in everything to do with Baizhu, even a year later.... and I doubt that I ever will.

Don't get me wrong: Baizhu's story quest is without a doubt one of the best story quests in the game so far, and that's not at all bias speaking. It's short, to the point, uses npcs effectively and in a way that helps develop the main character instead of taking all the spotlight over them, and it leaves setup for more story in the future. For a Baizhu fan, it's the best quality one could ask for. It's the most we've ever learned about him, the most screentime he's ever had, and it emotionally and tenderly shows exactly what kind of person he is, and why he is the way he is, and does the things he does.

It's also absolutely horrific, and to this day I'm still not entirely certain exactly what message the writers wanted the player to take away from it by the end.

The quest introduces us to a boy and his father, Ayu and Jialiang, the latter of whom Baizhu wishes to treat, partly as a personal favor to his late master and to said master's other past disciple, the mother of the family, Jiangli. Through Baizhu's handling of their case, and talking to Hu Tao, we learn that Baizhu is not only obsessed with attaining immortality, but that he supposedly uses less-than-reputable methods to heal patients, methods that he keeps tightly under wraps. This, along with all the strange research he does that seemingly has nothing to do with the medical field, has given him a suspicious reputation — the game subtly lampshading the fandom seeing him as nothing more than a sketchy snake doctor ever since the beginning — but no one has ever been able to dig deep enough to find any proof that he has any ulterior motives, not even Yelan; thus, the ultimate consensus is that he truly must be nothing more than a kind and benevolent doctor who has his patients' best interests at heart, no matter what else he's doing in the background. Upon Baizhu treating Jialiang for the first time, however, we’re directly confronted with this secret, dubious healing method he uses, and what exactly it means for Baizhu, as with all the masters that came before him.

To say my stomach dropped here would be an understatement, because I knew exactly what this meant. And sure enough, not a few minutes later in the quest, we get the dreaded truth:

Baizhu’s poor physical condition is not from natural causes; rather, he is as weak as he is because he’s made himself that way. Changsheng is a former adeptus he made a contract with, that allows the host to transfer some of their own life force from themselves to someone else, using Changsheng as the conduit. The contract is meant to strengthen the body of the host and extend their lifespan, however these advantages effects are outweighed by Baizhu, and all his predecessors before him, repeatedly giving away their life force to heal others, causing them to become frail and inevitably die young. The contract has always been used in this way, and all of its prior users all met the same untimely end; Baizhu is at no less risk of that.... which is why he wants to become immortal, so he can continue to heal people with the forbidden arte without fear of death.

This would already be a Lot as it is. Trading away one's life force to save another isn't exactly a brand new trope, but the idea of a doctor doing it over and over again to save lives when all else fails, even to the detriment of their own body.... It's the ultimate act of selflessness, of kindness, of sacrifice. It's touching. It's laudable. It's devastating, to a degree one can't even imagine.

Because Baizhu doesn't just stop there, as we find out at the end of the quest.

How do you expect me to read this—

and additionally this—

and also this...

...and not have it occupy my mind 24/7, sending me in a downward never-ending spiral of existential horror, for all of eternity?? just like Baizhu himself—

While it's heavily implied that all the contract users prior to Baizhu only ("only") used it one-way, to give their own life force to others, Baizhu has taken it a step further, and also been using Changsheng to transfer his patients' diseases and illnesses onto himself. This likely is a more effective way of "curing" some of them entirely, instead of simply delaying their symptoms' worsening with more life force, although he cannot take on the worst of them/terminal illnesses of course. But he has taken on so, so many, so many diseases and so many symptoms, all compounding and blending together to the point that Jiangli, another doctor just as skilled as Baizhu, cannot even distinguish them all or recognize some of them, that he might as well be terminal. Not only does Baizhu do this for the sake of his patients, but he's also using his body as a human petri dish, testing different diseases and poisons on himself to see how they interact with each other, both to create more effective medicines and understand the mechanisms of the human body better, and to perhaps find the secret to immortality.

This reveal at the end of the quest is presented as an awe-inspiring, poignant twist, that's meant to make you see Baizhu in a brand-new light. The animated cutscene is tear-jerking, bittersweet, yet beautiful, as we finally come to understand the full scope of just who Doctor Baizhu is, just how truly pure and selfless he is, and just how much he has sacrificed, and plans to sacrifice forevermore. Many people who weren't fans of Baizhu or were neutral on him had their minds completely changed upon this bombshell being dropped, it rightfully clearing away any and all misunderstandings about him somehow being a bad person, and fostering newfound respect for him. That's the best word to use for how the game portrays all this: respectable. Baizhu's situation is tragic, but his actions are nevertheless shown and seen as beautiful, and admirable. His self-sacrifice is to be praised, and honored, because he is doing it for the good of so many others, because his heart is just that big, and that caring. It's bittersweet, but Baizhu is determined, and we should respect his resolve.

But should we really?

Yelan would disagree, I believe. Which is ironic, considering that in her own story quest, Baizhu transfers poison into himself from Uncle Tian with her there, and she is none the wiser.

Just... really stop and think about the implications of what Baizhu is doing to himself, and the life he lives. Try to imagine it, how it would feel, to be inundated with that many diseases and toxins, to the point that all of your internal organs are diseased; to the point that you have every symptom imaginable, sometimes all at once. Now, take that, and imagine living that kind of hell with it progressively worsening, for all of eternity, as Baizhu wants to do.

You can't fathom it. To say that it's beyond human comprehension is an understatement. And yet, that is Baizhu's reality, every single day, and if he has his way, for the rest of time.

This is not okay.

What truly frightens me about Baizhu, is how.... empty he feels. He is kind, gentle, nurturing, and a bit flamboyant and mischievous at times, but he has essentially no personality traits or life outside of "being a doctor". All of his voicelines involve him giving health advice, or looking after us or others, or discussing the troubles he encounters in the medical field, or his hobbies, which involve... making medicine. While there's nothing wrong per se with a doctor truly enjoying their job — it's what makes Baizhu such a good caretaker, after all — their life and personality never revolves entirely around that. People have their own lives outside of their professions, that don't involve said professions, even the most enthusiastic and genuine of workers. But Baizhu..... doesn't have anything else. For Baizhu, being a doctor is all that he is.

Nothing is more subtly chilling than this joke Changsheng makes (that gets reinforced by Paimon later), where she calls Baizhu her "mannequin" — and especially the way that Baizhu doesn't comment on it at all, merely continuing to look like a guilty child getting scolded for being reckless. Because a mannequin is an eerily accurate description of Baizhu: he is not a person of his own, but merely a vessel for her power. "Baizhu" does not exist outside of his role as a healer; he has no other life, no other aspirations, no other joys and things to care about, nothing. Even though he's a pillar in Liyue Harbor that is beloved by the community, especially by the children, he's also in a sense practically a ghost: he is never seen outside of taking care of people in some way, because he never lets anyone see him at his sickest, and he has no sense of self outside of that role as a doctor. He is distanced from everyone, almost as though he was already immortal.... he could die at any time, frighteningly easily, and to him, no one would notice or care. As depressing as it is, even Qiqi, a literal zombie, is more alive and has a much more fulfilling life at this point than Baizhu does.

Many of Baizhu's voicelines are dripping with casual self-deprecation, and others with extreme hypocrisy, where he will express frustration and disappointment at others not being diligent in taking care of themselves, completely oblivious to his own extreme levels of self-harm and self-sacrifice. Of course, as mentioned earlier, feelings of inadequacy and being a burden are tragically not unusual for someone with significant health problems, but it goes far, far beyond this for Baizhu, before he was ever ill — all the way back to his childhood. Baizhu's hometown was struck by a plague when he was young, from which he was seemingly one of the only survivors, and his obsession with wanting to save each and every life he comes across that needs saving, no matter the cost to himself, is likely born from the trauma and extreme survivor's guilt that the event instilled in him. It was during this plague that he encountered his former master, and in training under and being influenced by him, he adopted these harmful mentalities (through no fault of his or his master, to be clear), without ever being given any other way to cope with his pain, other than to do everything in his power to never let anyone else die ever again.

Again, Yanfei sums it up best.

The true tragedy of Baizhu is that, although he wholeheartedly agrees with his late master's sentiment, and truly believes that he himself is headed down a different path from his predecessors, at the end of the day, he is no different from them, nor is his chosen path any different from theirs. As he states, those with the most altruistic and purest of hearts are the ones seduced by the contract, and he, too, has fallen victim to Changsheng's siren song: the allure of reaching beyond human means to prevent death. He believes he has found the solution to the conundrum of saving both the world at large and the one doing the saving, but he's merely fallen into the trap just like all the others: even if he doesn't die, he is still sacrificing himself, cursing himself to a fate unimaginably worse than death itself. After all, as he says, the contract can't erase pain from the world entirely, but merely transfer it from one place to another, and Baizhu is living proof of that. If his master could see what he's doing, he most definitely would be heartbroken at the "answer" Baizhu has found, because a life isn't saved if it's merely surviving, and not living.

All of this began from Baizhu, selfless and benevolent as he is, wishing to save a snake. Changsheng is a dear friend, a being so closely intertwined with his very soul, and his closest connection to his late master, and yet she is also the very thing that's killing him, and will inevitably be his doom, in whichever way that comes. Baizhu being who he is means he will never abandon her, and Changsheng will never leave him as well, her worry over the fate of her host overwhelmed by her fear of death and her desire to live on, which is how the contract has persisted for six generations. It is a toxic bond, and yet their care for each other is too great, both parties accepting the misery that awaits them. Changsheng knows that any of the cycles could be her last, but cannot help but seek out new ones in order to continue living — and Baizhu intends to make that "last" be a reality, by living forever, to make sure that Changsheng will also never die, but also that no one else can take on the contract after him. He wants his cake and to eat it too, wishing to save anyone and everyone — and he fully believes that he can. He believes that he is headed towards the light of the moon, escaping the flames of the sun.

But the moon is still ever-so-far away regardless. Perhaps even impossible to reach, if Teyvat's sky truly is fake. No matter where he aims, even if he isn't burned, Baizhu is destined to fall eventually, if he keeps going the way he is. Many people have tried to warn him, to convince him that immortality isn't what he deserves, to convince him of how much he's loved... but Baizhu is too stubborn; too, ironically, selfish in his selflessness. He insists he has everything under control, that he won't let himself die... but how can anyone believe that, when all the signs suggest that he's already on death's door? And even if he does get his wish, and be granted immortality, will he truly be content like he thinks he will, endlessly suffering with only Changsheng by his side?

I don't think the writers ever intended to glorify Baizhu's actions, or at least, I don't think it occurred to them that it could be read in that way. I do still mean it when I say he is one of the best-written characters in the game, because there is so much care given to him in his story quest and to his lore, even if, frustratingly and tragically, Hoyoverse as a whole doesn't seem to care about him at all. He's so fun to play as, and in isolation, it makes me very happy to have a canonically disabled playable character. But I'm also so, so haunted by him, and I think more people would be as well, if the game didn't gloss over the incredibly bleak reality of Baizhu and his symptoms due to the overall lighthearted tone of Genshin. I desperately need to see where they're going to take his arc, if they intend to at all, because there is so much potential for it, and right now it's very much up in the air. I don't want him to die, as I fear he's close to, but I need him to heal, and finally learn that he's done enough, and that he can finally, finally, stop. Stop torturing himself, and finally accept for himself all the love he's given others for so long now, and live. I want Baizhu to live more than anything, and not the way he is now, nor as a cursed immortal. I want him to live, and thrive, and truly, unapologetically, be himself (whoever that "Baizhu" is), and be happy.

He already has someone worth living for, right here, aside from Changsheng. He has a daughter, a family, who love him, not to mention an entire city, and and I dearly wish he could realize that. I wish he could know how comforting he is to me and so many others, and how important he is to us, not because of what he can do, but because of his beautiful heart. 💔

Happy Birthday, Baizhu. Thank you for being such an incredible healer on my team, and I hope we'll see you in Chenyu Vale one day :')💚

[vellichorom]

I Would love to hear what you think about the meaning of the stanley parable is to you?

I've tried looking but I don't know if you ranted about that before.

I just like hearing others interpretation and widening my own.

the MEANING of the stanley parable to me? as in... what i would think the plot is trying to convey? what the overall game's meaning / lesson is SUPPOSED to be?

oh god i don't know,

& unless i'm just ESPECIALLY dense, i'm not sure anyone actually WOULD, i'm not sure the answer to that is remotely clear. i think it's ALL a matter of interpretation; what YOU make of everything you've seen thus far, & even then, we're all probably far off from what's really going on. there's SO much going on in the background, man... so many implications made in details we're STILL discovering about the game years later.

i mean- if you could tell me what the plot of the stanley parable was in a straightforward fashion, what COULD you say beyond " a narrator & a protagonist get up to existential misadventures in a game, "

a very rough ballpark answer i could give you is that, it's a game about isolation & madness in mundanity; it started off nice & simple - you think, with some guy merely wanting to make a successful game that changes one's life to play it, ONLY for it to spiral out of his & anyone's control. the game is playing him. it's playing itself. you are playing the stanley parable. did anyone ever have control? could it be so simple as a video game gone awry?

& somehow this goes fluidly well ( at least in my opinion ) with ultra deluxe's message CLEARLY more revolving around the meta in-universe escalation of the narrator's game, managing to convey the bastardization & overstayed welcome of genuine passion projects stretched to their limit & what that does to the creator as WELL as the project in of itself, but also having this take PLACE in the same realm of madness you were stuck in & isolated to begin with. which is as fascinating as it is unique; you're witnessing the " behind the scenes " stuff in the MIDST of the game you're playing, IN the REALM of the game you're playing, contained in the place where all this madness began, blurring the line of what's truly real for these characters or what is merely performance between them. & do they themselves even know?

i feel like, & ESPECIALLY with ultra deluxe's release, the meaning of everything in this game is a blend of one's experience alongside some kind of commentary, but i could not for the life of you give you a definite answer or opinion as to what it all adds up to or means. what it was truly MEANT to tell you.

but maybe that's the point,

you just get to witness this hell for these characters, you see it all, & then you leave. there is no answer or solution for you to find. you can't help them playing the game, & you can't help them not playing the game. you just get to see, then leave.

but hey, that's just a theory. a ga

[prototypelq]

The Most Unreliable Narrator I Have Ever Seen

soooooo I had a Cyberpunk-obsessed phase pass recently, and this time Johhny Silverhand's character caught my eye. His story, more specifically, and how... inconsistent he seems, depending on each source.

In the game, Johhny acts like a bastard for most of the game. He panic-rages on his first meeting with V, throws many threats around, but is later beaten into the background with the blocker pills Misty gave to V. Even Johnny's friends' are well, they react Loudly to his return. Y'know, make it known his presence alone provokes a lot of anger from them.

Even during his first appearance, when V gets thrown into Silverhand's memories of his SAMURAI concert, the only real thing V recalls is the all-consuming rage that he felt, which he tried to shout out through the microphone, but it never felt like enough.

And doesn't this sound weird then, that the only thing Johnny does throughout the game after that first meeting is help V out? He learns about the Smasher guy hideout at the docks (he does that through dubious means but that's Johnny for you), he helps V out when the seizures become worse, he calmly agrees to Any decision V makes, despite V clearly Not being in any real state to oppose him in the finale of the game, he plans the whole thing with "Alt" so V can get his body back at Johnny's own expense, from the beginning, and he doubles down on that claim at the end of the game.

Do you see the dissonance? The egoist rockerboy that admitted to using his friends to getting what he wants, and the downright self-sacrificing hero and a friend that is Johnny at the end of the game? People change, sure, but this divide is very massive and too sudden, so I wanted to dig into that. And what I've stumbled upon, with the help of canon Cyberpunk materials like the Red sourcebook (or, more specifically, LayedBackGamers' reading of the canon books and his lore videos on different topics), is that

Johhny Silverhand from Cyberpunk 2077 is the Most Unreliable Narrator I've Ever Seen.

Count with me here:

Johhny's personality in general. No matter what your interpretation of him his, it's impossible to ignore that Johhny is very much a people person and he exploits that knowledge and charisma to suit his own goals. If you choose to trust him, then you might have already been played.

2) Johhny has been alone, only his lovely self for 50+ years inside the Arasaka chip. Don't ask me how he is still even remotely sane, I haven't got a clue (hopefully the time as a construct without outside stimulation flies differently and he hasn't felt those 50 years in real time). The thing to mention here, however, is that, being alone with your thoughts and emotions for a long time, having nothing else for entertainment, is a great opportunity to rewrite your own memory of events or emotions you've felt.

3) Lack of a body. The aforementioned constant rage, that was the dominant emotion is Johnny's life (before Alt, at least, if Never Fade Away is anything to go by, and I mean, that's literally a love ballad), is a symptom of his PTSD from his too-young years serving in the corpo war, same as his signature silver hand. I'm not a specialist here, but I do know PTSD, especially for war veterans, is a physiological illness just as much as it is a mental one. Johnny's body literally had trouble living normally after that experience, and knowing this bastard - he never managed to treat that. Existing as a personality construct frees him from the many bonuses of being corporeal, but it also free him from the physiological side of PTSD. His day-to-day existence is fundamentally different from that of the Johnny Silverhand that the world knew 50 years ago, so yes, as a 'time traveler' or a source of information and comparison about the 70's and 20's of cyberpunk world Johhny is not a good source.

4) The chip with Johnny is literary inside the head of another person. The characters in game question, multiple times, just which decisions is V making on his own, and which of them might be Johnny's doing. Not consciously, no, but V and Johnny are clearly not your simple neighbours. They are not your 'close friends that start subconsciously copying each other' too. It is quite possible that the chip with Johhny is adapting to the 'hardware' it is running on, so it is specifically implementing parts of V's personality into Johnny, to minimize the 'friction' between the personality and the body it is supposed to inhabit. Everyone say hi to existential horror)

5) How does Soulkiller ever work? Is there data on how much the resulting engram actually resembles the person it tried to copy? How did the process of copying Johnny go? I can answer the last one - very badly.

Death of Johnny is told in excruciating detail in the Cyberpunk sourcebooks. Johnny died on the floor of Arasaka tower, torn in two by a shotgun blast from Smasher. There is no information on how much time it takes Soulkiller to create the engram from the brain, but it better have finished doing that before Johnny's brain started dying from a lack of blood and oxygen, and he clearly didn't have much time either, considering bisection is not the best for bodily fluid preservation, so it's a wonder the engram even works properly. Plus, during the initial heist to steal the chip with Johnny, the chip was damaged further before the idiots decided to stick an unknown harddrive into their heads to preserve it. Basically, it's nothing short of a miracle, that engram-Johnny is actually a whole damn person, that he can function, think and feel properly (well, as much as Johnny can do those things)

It is very sad that V can't talk to Johnny about this, as the man does blame himself over things he hasn't even done, and he had done enough emotional damage to himself and people around him without that kind of burden on top of it.

6) Johnny's memories are literally false. The attentive reader had to pick this up in my previous point - didn't Johnny die in the hands of Arasaka after they interrogated him? Nope. Nope, and I can say that confidently because,

(drumroll please)

Cyberpunk tabletop sourcebooks! Mike Pondsmith, the creator of the Cyberpunk universe and the TTRP series of games, has worked closely with CDPR writers during the production of the 2077. He oversaw everything, and he says that 2077 is in the same cyberpunk universe too, it's not an 'alternate reality' or anything.

Johnny Silverhand died while trying to buy time for his friends to escape, from a shotgun shot from Adam Smasher. That's it, he died on that floor, there was noone to interrogate, no rooftop helicopter he ran for.

The sequence of 'memories' we see from Johnny's POV in the game is a mishmash of two different assaults on the Arasaka towers, yes towers there were two of them. There is a great video explaining all the small and Major details Johnny's version of events got wrong, because we have the sourcebooks and the text inside. You may accuse me of holding a 'holy canon' argument ... and well, yeah, this is kind of holy knowledge, as it was written for gamemasters.

Still, some of the things in Johnny's version are Major, and while the media certainly covered the whole story extensively with corpo propaganda (oh, btw, Johnny didn't bomb anything, he probably didn't even know there was a nuke involved, he is literally just a scapegoat), there are some holes that a citizen of this world might know and wish to poke. The aforementioned Two Arasaka towers, or the absence of the legendary solo Morgan Blackhand from Johnny's story. Interestingly enough, there is a radiostation of Maximum Mike in-game, who is actually just pretty much Mike Pondsmith, and he does propose a couple of questions the 'official' version of the attack doesn't cover (like, where would a rockerboy even get a nuke, he might have been popular, but that's not just something you find without military contracts, and that means corporations). Another thing is that since Arasaka owns Soulkiller and has had the engram for a couple of decades, it is quite possible they are the ones responsible for messing with Johnny's memories.

So uh, yeah, Johnny is the Most Unrealible Narrator I have ever seen. Johnny of 2077 is most certainly not the Johnny of 2020's, but this might be a good thing. Maybe the 'real' 2020's Silverhand could never have made the progress the engram did, or become such a good friend and companion for V, or maybe he could have done those things too. We'll never know. I really love this story anyway.

[tai-janai]

Use me as an excuse to share your headcanons on the Voice of the Hunted, I’m curious about what you think of him!

OUHGH. WELL

i have a separate post where i talk about him and cheated and i go into a lot there, but YES SIR

physically i think he is probably one of the smallest (being the most insistent on it, rivaling little broken) but im not one of the people that believes them to be different birds; i think all of them but the narrator are crows.

the wings i give him are small and flighty, even for his stature. i dont think he is the way he is by choice. he tells the others and the princess (the wild) that he is small, and he feels his first bit of respite when she says he can be more than that. ive explained before how i think of all the voices as trauma responses, and his is one of the more obvious. Kill or be killed, as he says explicitly.

but of course he would want a break from all that; anyone would. his final words in the Moment of Clarity, "im ready to sleep" (or something of the sort) just shows that this poor guy needs his rest. He is also Always Right and i LOVE that in a character. the smelling everything? GOD. him being the only one to deny the mirror is SO GOOD. he would be the one to understand that our eyes can trick us, even above the skeptic!!!

but this is about headcanons not just why i like him (i could go on)

i like assigning things colors, and hunted got an almost highlighter teal (for his scales). it does not help him; it is another thing he can't change about himself, that he just has to live with. he is unfortunately very resigned to his role in the game of cat and mouse. i wish he could be there to experience one of the happier endings, where it isn't so much a life-or-death situation. love is just as much a part of survival as anything. i want him to be allowed to be alive.

i kind of think he likes the others a lot, especially the more competent ones. he understands the strengths of the ones that have gone through what he has. he may not be so open to those of the Knifeless routes (opp, conty, smitty).

Hero is one that i think he gets a long with a lot. Hero would want him to take it easy, and i kind of have him as a somewhat protective older brother figure to the little Hunted. being very supportive like "hey you kept us alive ^^ :D" and hunted being unable to take that compliment because. "Of course i did."

i kind of think of him as a little brother to some others too (stub, skippy) but Hero would be one to let him take a break, unlike the other two. (Imagine Stubborn trying to tell someone not to fight. yeah no)

I, and Hunted himself, think of him as very animalistic. instinctual. he will run himself into the dirt until the worms swallow him. there is no limit to his effort except death. in the route of the Beast, it is obvious that he doesn't let exhaustion stop him. anything for the sake of survival; there can be no rest.

im sure some Other Voices have some Things to say about that.

Stubb: yes very good. the only end is death and that isnt a problem for us.

Cheated: are you INSANE

ONTO CHEATED BECAUSE I CANT TALK ABOUT ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER

Cheated is a lot like Hunted, excluding the "kill or be killed" instinct. they both have the perseverance to continue fighting, but cheated has a different kind of patience. i think they'd understand and trust each other, in a way they usually cant with others, but in ways some others have amongst themselves. Cheated would see Hunted's unhealthy way of dealing with things and would probably be the most adamant on giving him a break. "he does the most for us so why doesn't he get to rest?" kinda thing.

but also i think cheated thinks hunted is pretty (because i like to think hunted is pretty bird)

uhgh anyway. i. think thats all i got

[gloriousmonsters]

please recommend me horror vidya games

a quick list of ones I've enjoyed recently that I can remember!

Knock-knock. Made by the same people who made Pathologic, it centers on the Lodger, a weirdo who lives alone in the woods and does their best to maintain their house and record the world around them. But things are changing and going missing, nights begin to blur together, and it quickly becomes difficult to distinguish reality from nightmares. Excellent to play in a dimly lit room and give yourself anxiety, great 'woods creeping in' horror vibes.

SHUT IN is an excellent dark comedy/horror game exploring depression through a lens of 'there is something horribly wrong with your house that is really obstructing your quest to get some fresh air, also the narrator's an asshole'.

Endacopia is only a demo (though it looks like it got funded on Kickstarter, so fingers crossed we'll see more of it!) but I have to put it on here because I just find it so compelling. Guide a weird little kid in an exploration of his confusing, often hostile environment, with a aesthetic inspired by PC edutainment games.

Growing My Grandpa! (with a shoutout to the other games by this developer, Discover My Body and Water Womb World). A lonely little girl discovers the remnants of a bizarre experiment in her basement, and uses the dubious knowledge she gains to try and resurrect her dead grandpa, through... growing him out of black sludge in a burlap sack. Creepy with the potential to be kind of sweet, in a messed up way.

House. Described on Steam as 'survive the night in a house that's trying to kill you and your family' and yep, that about sums it up. Freaky and hits some good timeloop notes for me.

Mistrick is a tiny little RPG with Witch's House vibes, about a guy who gets out of prison and immediately gets hit by a car, and finds himself trapped in a fantastical pocket dimension with his previously-executed cellmate; he has a slim chance to return to life, and has to work for it while avoiding all the hilariously stupid ways to die. This one's more about the fun environment and extremely enjoyable dynamic between the dudes, but hey, Still Technically Horror.

Don't Toy With Me is a visual novel where you play the observing master of a dollhouse where a china doll named Dahlia lives alone (except for a silent stuffed rabbit). One day, you introduce a new doll to the closed environment. Cue slow burn, uncomfortable horrordrama, doll body horror, etc. Good if you just want a really upsetting time and some pretty art.

And this isn't recent and I feel like I've talked about it before lol, but *meme post voice* have you played the Strange Men series? you should play the Strange Men series. when will you play the Strange Men series

[kirchefuchs]

Ceres, I have been obsessing over a bunch of romance Stannarrator headcanons I made for your AU because hell yeah

ahem so here's my favorite headcanon I made :D

You know how Pollux is an Al turned human? You know how he's basically just a pile of sentient code?

What if — and hear me out on this one, I swear it gets good — what if he and Stanley got together before Pollux even gained sentience?

Think about it for a sec.

The Narrator — as in, the role, not the person — is generally coded to read through and follow the script. He is simply there for the benefit of the game — the Players.

But, in your AU, there are no Players. Stanley is his own person.

So Pollux is coded to benefit Stanley instead, but its main priority is the story. If the story has already fallen into place and/or there's nothing left to tell, then the code will automatically switch and take Stanley as the main priority (take The Zending Ending, The Skip Button Ending, and the Not Stanley Ending as examples).

So this also means that he's coded to follow through with Stanley's feelings. He's coded to make sure Stanley is happy — even through the means of a lie — since there is no scripted story to tell. There's no such thing as a Confession Ending after all, so Pollux's code just moves and takes Stanley as its main priority.

but

BUT

there's a but

You know how you stated somewhere that The Research Team's best guess to The Narrator's first instance of fake memories (yes I memorized the entire lore I just rlly love it ok) was his AI making up memories on the whim?

...Welllllll let's just say that they were mildly correct (in this headcanon), but they were not correct about something else;

The AI doesn't learn, it replicates what it's given.

It only copied the original and added something to make it make sense. That's it. It took what it could and only changed it by a small amount. The first instant of faux memories was just self-inserts of poorly written emotions, because during that time, The Team was still trying to make room in The Narrator for empathy (in my headcanon).

Now, it's been a whole year, and there are of course little to no changes towards the AI. It still copies from examples and obeys under command, but it now occasionally breaks out of it with the help of Stanley.

But the confession happens.

And now, the AI switches its main priority to Stanley — what can The Narrator do to please him? To appeal to his desires? What can be done and/or said in a foreign situation like this?

Of course, his code makes him "love" Stanley back.

Stanley knows that the love isn't genuine, but at this point, anything would work. Who wouldn't crave some sort of escape from the harsh reality of a scripted life?

So he decides to start treating The Narrator like a lover would, just for the sake of the experience.

He constantly compliments what he can, comments when/where he's allowed to, and — when The Narrator is given a physical form — starts showing him (aka, the AI) slow and steady ways of showing love and affection.

And Stanley doesn't realize this, but the AI isn't just replicating; it's learning.

Because the first time he held The Narrator's hand, The Narrator reacted to the touch and muttered about it feeling nice. The first time Stanley hugged him, The Narrator didn't copy and hug back, no, he took his time and tried to understand why the hug felt good.

The AI can't fill in the gaps on its own when the answer is already there.

So what does it do?

It learns.

It learns how to love.

Anywho it is nearly midnight where I am right now sooooo goodnight to you in my area :D

— 🅰️non || 05/26/2023

Ohhhh my gosh 🅰️non, this is insane I love it. This would make such a cool AU for my headcannon lore!! (Of course I have my own ideas of how they end up together, lol) But it's not too far off from how I kinda imagine how the whole fake memory thing happened in the Demo. His code really was just filling in gaps to make sense of his new feelings. Poor guy doesn't know how to emotion properly, lol.

But also this made me really wanna draw some little things like the hand holding and the hug.

Just the slow realization that "wait, do I actually truly love Stanley? Is that even possible?" He's figuring it out ♡

And imagine how awkward he might be when he's finally come to the realization that "Yes I do really truly love him more than anything, and I'm actually feeling this. And I want this so so badly, that I might cry."

He would be such a disaster, let's be honest.

This really would make such a fun fanfic, tbh. This is why I love your ideas so much. It makes me think of fun scenarios and wanna draw them ♡♡♡♡

[sasheneskywalker]

batfamily fic recs which are told through unusual formatting

a hat fashioned from tin foil by discowing (ameliafromafairytale) nightwang @karakurachou – 8 hours ago jason todd is alive and faked his death so he could become robin: a conspiracy theory thread

Batfam conspiracy theories meet social media.

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | No Relationships

occam's razor by BeatriceEagle r/SolveIt • Posted by u/Phalangefier 3 days ago

It's the fifth anniversary of Jason Todd's death

Today is the fifth anniversary of the day that Jason Todd and Sheila Haywood were murdered, so I thought I would post a write-up unifying all of the information that we have on the case. There have been a lot of posts about Jason over the years, but this case is so weird and has so many branches to it, I don’t think that anyone’s ever compiled all of them in one place.

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Dick Grayson & Jason Todd

Send to All by kerosceene I, _______________, hereby acknowledge that this form represents my wishes should I contract phytoaphrodisiac-induced delirium (hereafter referred to as “PAID”) during engagements with or while apprehending Dr. Pamela Lillian Isley (“Poison Ivy”).

-

The bats have a sex pollen release form. Because of course they do.

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake, Barbara Gordon & Dick Grayson, Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne

Batman Hits the Red Hood with His Batarang by redboard (Ink) Batman hears whispers of a new crime lord in Gotham, trailing blood and carnage in his wake. The Red Hood is skilled and ruthless, and quickly seizes control of the drug trade, seemingly for his own ends.

Red Hood, after years of planning, your moment has finally arrived. Why have you come?

An "Under the Red Hood"-themed tabletop game, for one or two players. You will need colored dice (or a dice roller), your imagination, and, optionally, a friend who has as many feelings about Jason Todd as you do.

(Yes, I'm serious. This is not a bit.)

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne

#Justice4Gotham by Havendance So, uh, Hi. I’m still alive. I didn’t die of the clench (barely). I’m kind of sorry for disappearing on you for so long but life just got really busy and I didn’t really have time to chase after Batman and Robin anymore. I’m not sure how many of you guys still check this blog, but if you are out there, I’ve got a big favor to ask you all.

On June 27th at 7:03pm, Gotham City was hit by the worst earthquake the east coast has seen in, like, ever. And now we could really use your help.

[Or: When you run out of things you can do, there’s always yelling at the world from the blog you made when you were ten.]

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | No Relationships

Night Blogger by AnonDude There's a blogger catching the internet's attention with a long, insane, and twisted tale. The problem is, he seems to persist under the impression that he's just a random anonymous blogger looking for advice on his relationship. That's all.

QuillsNFrills: I like your first entry! But I'm a little unsure as to what genre you're aiming for here; it seems a little confused and all over the place. It's clear you want it to be something more lurking under the guise of a simple relationship blog, but is that…mystery? Thriller? A dark romance? Sci-fi/fantasy/magic (with the…whatever is going on with BF's head)? I'm also kind of wondering if I'm reading right that maybe there are hints this isn't a reliable narrator? Maybe that will continue…eyes. Anyway, keep up the good work! – April 15, 2023 –

BlueberryPancakes: this […] only continued to get MORE wild, and despite the "clearing up"…I still don't know whether to believe […] it's supposed to be an obvious red herring and this is all an Experience^tm, or whether this is really OP's life. – April 17, 2023 –

M | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Tim Drake/Jason Todd

A preliminary examination of potential significant others (last saved by T. Drake) by Betty, Elf_Herself, Petra thefourthvine wrote, "I want the story where someone sits down and thinks that, and lists every single person in the canon (probably in some kind of database, with numerical codes and assigned weights for each category and stuff) and weighs all the pros and cons and finally, after a lot of careful deliberation, selects a candidate for the position of Significant Other."

This is the first step in that process.

G | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | No Relationships

[usergreenpixel]

MALMAISON MEDIA SALON SOIRÉE 21: THE ACADÉMIE (2012)

1. The Introduction

Welcome, welcome, welcome! Did you miss me?! I missed you too!

Life has been hectic, but I’m back with a review of a book I came across by accident while browsing Goodreads. The setting of Madame Campan’s school isn’t used that much and has a potential, so of course I was interested.

The book itself is seemingly only available for purchase so far. On websites like Amazon that is. I couldn’t find it in the database of archive.org at least. But perhaps someone will upload it in the future.

Anyway, I’m always a sucker for more obscure media, so let’s proceed with the review already!

(Dedicated to @pobodleru and @josefavomjaaga )

2. The Summary

“Eliza Monroe, daughter of a wealthy Virginia lawyer, is sent to France by her family to get a better education fit for a lady.

At the school, she is quickly roped into manipulation games between two bitter enemies: Hortense de Beauharnais and Caroline Bonaparte.

Each of the girls will also experience love, betrayal and many other aspects of growing up.”

Coming of age stories are a classic for a reason, so let’s see how this concept is executed!

(Trigger warning for mentions of physical abuse, murder and suicide.)

3. The Story

First of all, there are too many POVs. Eliza, Caroline and Hortense EACH have their own POV chapters, where they narrate their side of the story in first person.

While this concept of switching between POVs could potentially work, the problem here is that there is too much switching, which gets very annoying and confusing. Basically, too damn much of a good writing device.

Secondly, for a fairly interesting premise, the story doesn’t do squat with it for two thirds of the book. Eliza doesn’t pick sides, characters don’t develop properly and the love subplots don’t get resolved.

For two. Fucking. THIRDS. Of the book!

The conflicts only get sort of resolved in the final third of the book, which, as you can probably imagine, just isn’t enough time to do it properly. And guess what! The author DROPS THE BALL WITH THE RESOLUTION and, as a result, nothing makes sense like she pulled the resolution out of her ass.

Another side effect is that the characters barely change at all over the course of the story, when growing up after facing adversity is the entire point of a coming of age story!

Which brings us to…

4. The Characters

I don’t like Eliza Monroe. The problem isn’t that she is a bratty teenager, by the way. The problem is that she doesn’t change over the course of the story and barely has agency, especially in the beginning.

Hortense and Caroline just play her like a fiddle most of the time, while Eliza herself just waits for something juicy to happen so she can gossip with her mother via letters.

Eliza is just a character blander than unseasoned oatmeal.

Caroline Bonaparte, as usual, is the bad guy. She is a selfish, manipulative cunt who only cares about herself and MAYBE Murat. Then she suddenly speed runs a sort of a redemption arc in the end, and even then it’s ambiguous if it was genuine or not.

Hortense de Beauharnais is supposed to be the good character, depicted by the narrative as better than Caroline in every way and almost beatified by the story.

Unfortunately, this makes her lack depth too and makes it very jarring when she does really shitty things, like trying to drive a wedge between Eugéne and his love interest due to believing that said love interest is unworthy of her brother and should know her place.

She never gets called out on her bullshit either! Our saintly Hortense, Neighbors! Oh, and she has an inappropriate relationship with her stepfather! Or well, implications of such a tryst.

Eugéne is a cinnamon roll personified. At least, until her accidentally kills his love interest, Madeleine. Supposedly, this happens because Madeleine is unstable due to enduring abuse and pining for Eugéne, yet all that happens is that she gets conveniently killed off by Eugéne and we never get to see if she truly was unstable or not. We are TOLD this, but not shown evidence.

By the way, Madeleine had the most potential out of all the important characters. An aspiring biracial actress horribly abused by her jealous, drug-addicted mother and pining for Eugéne, hoping to be rescued like in a fairy tale.

Madeleine is depicted fairly realistically, in my opinion, but then she is suddenly killed off to conveniently resolve the conflict of Josephine not accepting her as a match for Eugéne. No buildup, no significant consequences, ZILCH! Only Eugéne seems shaken by her death, but we aren’t really shown much of this either, merely TOLD.

Josephine, while definitely capable of kindness, has her own selfish bitchy moments, like not giving a fuck that Madeleine died or that Eugéne is shaken up by accidentally killing her. Her own past as a slave owner is also mostly conveniently omitted and she isn’t shown as being called out for it, unlike Eliza, who IS called out for thinking slavery is normal.

Letizia Bonaparte is a scheming snake just like Caroline, almost to cartoonish levels.

Napoleon Bonaparte is a stereotypical shortie, and also almost being a pervert to his stepdaughter. Ewww…

Madame Campan is a stereotypical kind and strict mentor.

So yeah. Most characters don’t feel interesting at all.

5. The Setting

The setting is mostly just mediocre, with occasional common cliches like claiming Robespierre REIGNED in France or that nobility during Frev was automatically in danger. But these are far from the worst offenders, so eh.

The descriptions are surprisingly good though, in that they are integrated into the book in a balanced way, so here at least one win for the author!

6. The Writing

Problems with the writing start WITH THE TITLE. More specifically, combining French spelling of a noun with an English article. “THE ACADÉMIE”, “THE TERREUR”, etc.

It’s unjustified and clunky at best. At worst, it looks like the author is just throwing in French words because the book is set in France. I would understand if it was a foreign character trying to show off and making these weird mistakes, but ALL CHARACTERS speak like that!

It’s… definitely an odd choice.

Other than that, however, a bit of props to the author for at least trying to write realistic bratty teenagers.

7. The Conclusion

Honestly, this book isn’t the worst I’ve ever seen. Not by a long shot. However, I would still recommend to give it a hard pass. It’s not bad. Not even so bad that it’s funny. And not even rage inducing.

Just… meh. Bland. Nothing to write home about.

On that note, I declare this Soirée at the Malmaison Media Salon as finished. Hope you stay tuned for more future reviews though!

Love,

Citizen Green Pixel

[liloinkoink]

For the fic ask game: missing or obstructed, three and/or four?

[missing or obstructed] [ask meme]

im gonna stick to the first chapter of this fic for my answers bc i dont remember it as well as i wish i did and feel like probably i shouldnt reread the whole thing at 2am. looking at it tho i realized i hadnt updated it in a year and... bro thats so fuckin sad. i miss her

as such im not sticking to one line for either question. woe get a whole dang paragraph. i guess

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

honestly, i think some of the strongest lines in that fic are the openers, but really, every single sleep fact / life series pair was really good imo. they were my fave part of the fic

A hypnic jerk, also known as a sleep start, is a small, sudden, and involuntary startle which one experiences while in the process of falling asleep. It is often accompanied by the phantom sensation of falling from a great height, the would-be sleeper forced into wakefulness at the moment of simulated impact. Hypnic jerks are not uncommon and entirely benign, experienced regularly by well over half the population with no ill effects. 

When Grian starts awake after jumping off the edge of Monopoly Mountain, his experience is not at all like that. 

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

hmmm. i said id stick to ch1. of the ch1 dialogue, probably this exchange?

“Scar,” Grian asks, “What did you dream about?”

“Nothing. Not that I remember, at least,” Scar says, and Grian thinks killing him hurt less. “Grian, are you alright?”

i just liked how indirect grian is being w scar and how very direct hes being w the reader in the narration. this whole exchange was super fun to write, i wish id gotten to do more w scar before i swapped gears focus-wise and became a treebark guy,

[homestuckreplay]

Homestuck Is A Game, Who Is The Player?

Week 3 Retrospective

'Video games have long been associated with spectatorship as well as play, from their origins in quarter-fueled arcades, where high score displays implied the presence of admiring or competitive spectators, to their migration to home screens and consoles. Live streaming chat emulates these older models, but its interaction with economies of scale on streaming platforms brings a different kind of intimacy and intensity to the experience. Chat lets spectators feel like they are there with the streamer as well as a part of a crowd, even if they are alone in their room.' [Jeremy Antley - emphasis mine]

From Homestuck’s very first page, the comic has made something clear. We are not allowed to immerse ourselves in John Egbert’s world. There is a layer of separation between us, an interface mediating our access to his life and story, a voiceover narration from the person who’s really in control. Who is this person, and what form does their control over John take?

Homestuck is presented like a video game, yet unlike a video game, we don’t control the character’s movements with arrow keys or have the chance to type our own commands directly into the text box. Instead of being able to explore the game on our own terms, we are confined to a specific and predetermined route, even though others seem theoretically possible. Simply put, we are not the ones playing the game.

Essay continued under the cut - about 2.6k words

I think there are two really important questions to consider when analyzing the meta elements of Homestuck and treating it as a game. The first - what kind of game is it? The second - where exactly do we stand in relation to the player(s)?

The most obvious answer to question one is ‘Homestuck is a text based adventure game.’ This guide to text based adventures is a great overview, and we can map the example commands here onto commands we’ve seen in Homestuck. ‘Examine room’ (p.4) is a one-word action, ‘Captchalogue smoke pellets’ (p.9) is an action and direct object, and ‘Nail poster to wall’ (p.19) includes the indirect object. John hasn’t given any orders yet - he’s too nice a guy for that - but ‘Report progress to TG’ (p.39) is definitely communicating with another character. All of these, and most other command lines, feel like reasonable instructions that could be recognized by a game.

However, commands like ‘Fondly regard cremation’ (p.52) and ‘Play haunting piano refrain’ (p.77) honestly feel too characterful to be fully interpreted by a computer, and ‘Squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk’ (p.16) is… well, I tried typing this into the command prompt for the classic text adventure Zork, and got the following response.

A text adventure is just not set up to interpret wacky, left field ideas, much less respond to them in an entertaining way. And we know there is a real person behind Homestuck doing exactly that.

If my party enters the wizard’s study in Dungeons & Dragons 4th Edition, and I tell the Dungeon Master that I squawk like an imbecile and sit on the wizard’s desk, that statement will be understood. Sure, the DM will probably call me an idiot and put a nasty spike trap on the desk, but what I said will become part of the story in the way that a nonsense command in a text based video game never can. It’s interesting to think of Homestuck as a tabletop roleplaying game, where the narrator is the Game Master, the command prompt is a player, and John is a player character (presumably TT, TG and GG are the rest of his party and they’re just really late to the session).

Homestuck isn’t just text based, though - it has a strong visual element, including interfaces and overlays where the player can click and drag items between John’s inventory and his environment, or around his space. This suggests it could also be a point and click adventure game, a genre that grew out of text based games as graphics improved, and is defined by a strong inventory management component (check), puzzle solving quests (check - we’ve recently solved our first quest of acquiring the Sburb Beta) and dialog trees (????). The sprite based, isometric art style is really good for getting an overview of the space and seeing possible interactable objects, and Homestuck does feature extended dialog sequences - we don’t know if there are other possible inputs from John, but it's interesting to think that there might be.

These three genres - text based adventures, point and click adventures, and tabletop roleplaying games - all developed throughout the 1970s and 80s. It’s reasonable that Andrew Hussie (born 1979) could have grown up with some of these games. But to answer the second question, ‘where do we stand in relation to the player’, we might need to look at media forms still in their infancy - let’s plays, livestreams, and actual play.

[Michael Sawyer, 2004]

In the past few years, ‘Let’s Play [Game]’ has become a relatively popular thread format on the Something Awful forums, as well as personal websites. This began with posters taking screenshots of their playthroughs of a game and adding commentary in the text. The medium has now advanced to video and is typically hosted on YouTube, with commentary overlaid. Either format gives a creator the space to play through as much of the game as they choose, and then edit exactly what content they want to show to the audience, providing commentary after the fact. 

Homestuck, with its per-page illustrations, could be seen as a long thread of forum posts by the player, each including screenshots as they move through the game. The inclusion of short Flash animations shows the edge into video, and makes me wonder if we’ll see longer or more complex videos, perhaps with voiceover narration, as Homestuck expands its focus. The self-referential and aggressive yet helpful commentary in Homestuck is similar in tone to Sawyer's playthrough above, and could easily be the work of a player who knows where the story will go, at least in the short term, and is dropping hints to the audience while purposefully concealing some things.

Livestreaming video games is a similar concept to Let's Plays, but performed in real time. Often hosted on Justin.tv, an open video broadcast website that’s been gaining prominence in the past couple of years, a livestream is an improvised and unedited way to watch someone game. Any commentary from the creator happens without knowledge of how the playthrough will turn out. Homestuck, by Hussie’s own admission, is being written similarly in real life - they don’t know more than the broad strokes of how the story will go, and it’s possible that neither the author nor the narrator knows the long term implications of an action such as John stealing his dad’s PDA. 

Livestreams open the possibility for viewers to influence game events, if the streamer listens to their audience. We know this is true in Homestuck - readers are able to submit commands, and some are chosen for the story. The real time nature of Homestuck, waiting each day for the new update, is equivalent to waiting for a streamer to come online and start playing again so we can find out where their game goes next. This is compounded by us having no access to Homestuck outside of the streamer - we cannot buy and play this game for ourselves, it’s still in some kind of early or limited access, and the streamer controls all our knowledge. 

The livestream is definitely most similar to how Homestuck is made by its author, but it's hard to say whether its narrator is commentating in real time, or after the fact. I can't find any definite clues in our pages so far - I think the narrator wants to seem smart and superior, but I can't say whether they have the knowledge to back it up.

[img source]

Our final media format is known as Actual Play. Almost a year ago, the creators of Penny Arcade (along with Dungeons & Dragons game designer Chris Perkins) began releasing Acquisitions Incorporated, a short-run, officially licensed podcast where the group plays through a D&D adventure to demonstrate gameplay interspersed with jokes. This isn’t the first time a TTRPG publisher has recorded sessions to help people learn the game, but this idea seems to be crossing over into the entertainment genre - and webcomics are part of that movement.

In the first episode, the group have a brief aside. The DM says that ‘some players prefer to refer to their characters in the third person… others prefer to get into the first,’ and one player says they’ve observed the same thing in World of Warcraft. What’s not explicitly said is that the Game Master typically refers to the player characters in second person, describing what happens to ‘you’ and what ‘you’ see - much like streamers talking to their chat. The blocks of narrative text below pictures in Homestuck could easily be a Game Master balancing giving information to an unruly player, and providing entertainment for the audience. John’s lucky or unlucky moments with his sylladex could be the result of particularly good or bad dice rolls from his unseen player.

Actual play is a really great format for deep diving into a small cast of characters, and exploring their emotional state in ways that aren't intrinsic to a lot of video games. As we're already seeing the beginnings of John's emotional arc, we know this will be a focus, but we need two to four more characters with equally large roles in the story to really form a TTRPG party. Actual play also tends to include a lot of combat and its mechanics. We know Homestuck can handle crunchy mechanics due to the sylladex, but I'd expect to see the Strife concept become just as in depth and central to the story if Homestuck ends up fitting into this mold.

All three of these formats can have a mass audience, just like Homestuck does in reality - but Homestuck also feels like a very personal experience. Two people playing the same video game, even a highly linear game such as Portal or one that doesn’t involve much active interaction such as a visual novel, have slightly different gameplay based on the speed they move through the story and their missteps on the way to finding the solution to a puzzle. 

Similarly, my experience of Homestuck is different from yours. I read the new update every day, while I know some people wait for a few days of updates to build up and then read a larger chunk. Maybe I clicked ‘Aggrieve’ and ‘Abjure’ three times each on p.90, alternating the options, while you clicked ‘Aggrieve’ five times in sequence and then ‘Abjure’ only twice. Maybe I didn’t realize p.110 had an interactive element at first, and skipped over it until somebody pointed it out to me (really telling on myself here). These elements of Homestuck that we have direct control over are currently only a small part of the story, but they do exist.

In this way, Homestuck feels a little bit like sitting in the living room as a kid watching your older brother play a game, begging him to let you take over for a minute, occasionally doing so until he gets frustrated with your inability to Strife and takes the controller back. The nostalgia of the simplistic graphics and the 70s and 80s games that are being evoked only adds to this cozy feeling. If Homestuck starts to add more interactive elements, such as branching paths, opportunities for us to take over the cursor, or a chance for us to use John’s sylladex ourselves and choose what he picks up, it might be worth thinking of Homestuck as different iterations of the same game, each of us watching our own, slightly different player, and even co-playing with them.

So, who IS this narrator? In my mind, I’m trying to draw a clear distinction between the author and the narrator. Hussie is the author in the real world, and the narrator, or player, or GM, exists within the work. Their role is best described on page 82:

‘The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket. His riddle is Absence itself.’

The narrator is this unseen riddler (or perhaps unseenRiddler?), providing a secondary layer of control over what happens and what we are able to see. They’re the person clicking and dragging objects around John’s room, and choosing what actions to take next. The narration is their perspective on the game - whether we see this as a GM describing a scene to their players, or a streamer reading aloud information that the game has given them and providing their own commentary. 

So, we're watching the narrator play Homestuck, in whatever form it takes - but there's another layer to this. On page 22, an equivalence is made between the Sburb Beta, which John was supposed to receive on April 10 (and finally acquired on April 13 in-story, p.100), and the Homestuck Beta, which launched to us on April 10, but was quickly canceled and replaced with Homestuck proper on April 13. The Homestuck beta is linked within the comic, and might be canon within it - the narrator making an initial run at the game before restarting their save (perhaps on a different computer or console?) and trying again. Homestuck the game is currently about a kid who lives in the suburbs - and if the name and logo are anything to go by, Sburb could also be a suburbs-themed game. While we watch the riddler play Homestuck, the riddler will be watching John play the game Sburb. How deep does this go? Are there more layers inwards or outwards?

I’ve been puzzling this over for days, and I’m definitely left with more questions than I can answer. Here are the ones I'm focused on:

Is the unseen riddler playing the game as intended? Now that they’ve passed the tutorial, are they keeping the game on the rails and trying their best to follow a linear story, or are they pushing the boundaries, going for some kind of pacifist or resource-stripped run, trying to interfere with John’s intended story? Have they played the game before, and if so, how does this affect their gameplay?

If the unseen riddler is a character within the story, distinct from the external author, are we the true audience? Will there be an audience within the story, or perhaps other players? If so, how big will it be? What kind of reach does Homestuck the game have, and how many people are playing it or tuning in to watch?

How permeable are the boundaries? Is John simply pixels on a screen for the unseen riddler to play with, with no agency of his own outside of the riddler’s interpretation, like if we were playing The Sims? Or is it possible for the riddler to enter the game, or for John to leave it, and the two of them to communicate directly? Or a middle ground - something like ‘character bleed’ in TTRPGs, where a player embodies a character for so long that despite their not being real, they come to influence each other even outside of gameplay?

What the hell is the Midnight Crew? Is this a different game that exists separately to Homestuck? Will our riddler, or a different one, eventually play it? If we have three games - Homestuck, Midnight Crew, and Sburb - what exactly is the relationship between them, and how interrelated are they?

This is a lot of thoughts for what is, at time of writing, is 125 pages of comedy webcomic. But the story is just beginning, and we’ve been told it’s going to be a long day. Anything could be important, and with the frequent in-text nods to the meta elements - ‘examine third and fourth walls of room’ (p.61), ‘you decide it’s time for less meta, and more beta’ (p.113), the title appearing in the clouds on p.82 that John may or may not be able to see, the integration of the physical captchalogue card into the sylladex interface on p.98 - I don’t want to draw any firm boundaries, or make any assumptions about what is and what isn’t part of the story. Instead, I’ve cataloged the meta elements of Homestuck that might be worth paying attention to as we move through the comic, to develop a more concrete theory in time.

[angelosearch]

10 Ways To Tell You're Reading A Fic By angelosearch

@gardengalwrites came up with this awesome tag game and I am so here for it.

I am very punny. I love to use puns, allerliteration, and wordplay. Language is a jungle gym and I chose to climb it in any direction I please.

In every piece of writing I do (be it a chapter, one-shot, essay, etc.) I seek to give the reader a moment of ha, a moment of aw, and a moment of awe. I want to make you laugh, move you, and inspire you! Hopefully, I accomplish that.

This goes without saying, but dialogue (see what I did there? see #1). I let the words a character chooses to say and how they say it be the primary influence on their characterization. I think this comes from my favorite way of consuming media being TV, videogames, and movies where the plot primarily hinges on dialogue.

Family, trauma, and family trauma! I have experience in these things, enjoy thinking about them, and love to write them into my stuff so my poor characters have to suffer, muhahaha.

Most of my background in writing and reading is in nonfiction in nature and on the technical side. I've written for environmental organizations, nonprofits, associations, and medical service companies mostly in the form of marketing copy and press releases. As a result, my writing is overly researched and probably oddly specific about things that may have nothing to do with the plot. Basically, I over-explain things. We know this.

Related to the above note, I also need my writing to feel native to the subject material. I do a ton of research to tone-match and find little details and deep cuts to include to make it feel like it lives in the world I am exploring. I'd say a good 40% of the time spent on anything I am writing is dedicated to the research/planning stage.

Pop-culture references! I try to keep them subtle because I want to keep readers immersed, but I do make a lot of them. I am a pop-culture junkie. I am also planning on putting easter eggs in my fics referencing each other!

Simile, metaphor, allusion, symbolism, etc. My FAVORITE part of anything I consume is dissecting the author's intent and how their work fits into the greater context of their writing/life. Therefore, I do my best to emulate these narrative devices in my own work.

I refuse to play the omniscient narrator. I am in one character's head at a time. They are the narrator and my readers will only see what they see and know what they know in language they would be willing to use. Though I do love jumping perspectives and seeing the same scene from more than one point of view.

Unfortunately, typos. I try really hard to avoid them but my dyslexia is a powerful force that shows up in my writing.

Bonus: If it's an FFVIII fanfic, Laguna is most definitely involved. I have written three fics directly from his perspective (When in Dollet, Man of the People, and At this Moment); Balamb Harbor Playhouse and I hope you love the flowers as much as I do have him as a major character; and Chaos Theory is riddled with him and his POV as well. What can I say, I love that magical himbo and I will never stop making jokes about how he constantly falls off of cliffs. I may or may not also be using him to parent my inner child I MEAN IT'S JUST HIM AND RAINE TOGETHER YOU GUYS THEY ARE SO CUTE

Tagging @mathiwrites @irishais and any other fellow authors among my mutuals!

[anthyies]

8 plz explain the disc horse to me

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

i feel like i could write an essay about this. you're so lucky you left twitter btw you don't even know the amount of times ive been like look at this stupid opinion. so.

a) i literally don't think tim and jason have any sort of relationship at all like literally. their interactions should be a) titans tower attack, but like for hilarity points. not angst points. its objectively funny that jason made an adult sized robin costume and then put on clothes over that to attack tim n its objectively funny that tim's reaction to getting beat up was like yeah im still better than you <3. b) that one time tim kicked him in the balls. and thats it. thats all. like can we please talk about tim's relationships w his other siblings . please . i'm dying

b) i mean you know and i know that fandom hates women and people of color so i'm just going to leave it at this. and science experiment: go into the cassandra cain/stephanie brown tag and see how much stuff in there is literally not related to them at all. also the background lesbianification of them like they're crazy they do not get enough credit for the. hallucinating her bringing you back from the dead twice after she died. and nobody talks about their ISSUES and PROBLEMS something about me is i love when women have issues like yeah they're sweet and they're going to kiss but also. sometimes they can poke each other's sore spots and its INTERESTING!!!! they are not simple soft and sweet background women they should be the STARS of the SHOW. literally first base martyrdom second base raising each other from the dead third base eye contact.

c) my life is soooo hard i'll text you and explain the gay people properly i prommy but you know the special kind of hell where you like the most popular gay people but like, they're popular in the wrong way nobody GETS them. this is compounded by bat favoritism... enough about tim's issues i'm going to pretend he doesn't have any if that's what it takes to talk about KON'S issues.

d) people take damian cutting tim's line too far like its ok guys. it was resolved in the comic book. like it's fine he's literally itty bitty preteen raised to murder its fine. and rr hit list arc is like uncomfortably mean and hostile to damian in narration so tbh people should be trying to make up for that not make more tim angst

e) MY.. OPINIONS ABOUT TIM'S PARENTS.. ARE VERY IN DEPTH. and i've talked about them in tags before. but i think everyone needs to learn some NUANCE!!

sorry this is FIVE fandom opinions. everyone is so wrong. it's a terrible massive game of telephone