#this is a call to all my aspec friends that you matter

[aroacewxs]

i say that i express my aromanticism and asexuality proudly and loudly but i still feel out of place and insecure about it, especially around my allo friends. don't get me wrong, my allo friends are super supportive and i love them so much to bits, but when the world tells you that your identity doesn't matter, isn't valid, isn't as interesting and cool as others, it's very hard to be open about it.

[platonic-qpr-selfshipping]

not so simp on main but

claude looking at me while trying to decide which part of my face to kiss but i suddenly go "you have pretty eyes" and he loses it. he cant do it. how dare i attack him like that. the king of almyra himself. meanwhile helios seeing him look away and take a step back like ??? "did you just see a spider or something????"

[aptericia]

Not proud to be here.

--

Ok, here goes draft like 5 of this fucking post. I spent 4 hours tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this, and then this morning I found a tumblr post that really helped me understand what I was trying to say.

The post talks about how aromantic "advocates" claim that "aros don't take up resources, so there's no reason not to include them!" And if that's actually what people believe, I think I can finally articulate why it is that I feel so alienated in queer spaces.

It's because aspecs in general aren't "welcomed" by much of the queer community. We're tolerated. We perhaps get the luxury of not being contradicted on our own identities, or not being specifically kicked out of LGBTQ-only spaces, but that's the whole point: what we get out of the queer "community" is people NOT doing things, not actually doing things FOR us. And that, frankly, is not enough. We deserve conversations about us. We deserve to have others consider our feelings, even when making lighthearted jokes. We deserve varied, respectful representation in media. We deserve the active deconstruction of amatonormativity in society. We deserve to have space made for us, rather than at most being told we should "go take up more space!" ourselves.

Of course, the reality is that my being aspec is a personal matter that does not inherently affect anyone else. But the same can be said for literally any queer identity. Your being gay doesn't say anything about me, so of course I shouldn't hurt you for it, but why should I help you either? Because your happiness and comfort are important. The same goes for aspecs.

And most of the time, I don't even need anyone to make space for or expend resources on me; I can live fine in everyday, non-queer-specific places without mentioning my identity at all. But it's the queer community that claims it will make that space for me, doesn't, and then acts defensive and morally pure if I call out the hypocrisy because "we're queer too, you can't erase our identities to advocate for yours!!!!"

Again, this post isn't about specifics. I have queer friends who are incredibly thoughtful and supportive about my identity, just as I have non-queer friends who are. I find more solidarity in aspec-only communities, as well as trans/genderqueer ones, although there are still many exceptions. This post is also not about amatonormative ideology, which is extremely common from queer and non-queer people alike. This post is about the reason I've felt so betrayed by the queer community.

--

On a personal note, I remember being so excited when I started identifying as aromantic (and later asexual). Fitting myself into labels has been a lifelong struggle for me; to this day I still can't confidently say if I'm White or PoC, neurotypical or neurodivergent, abled or disabled, cisgender or not cisgender. I continue to struggle making friends because I don't fall into social cliques. To discover that I officially, certainly, was LGBTQ+ lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. And now I'm just so sad to find that despite that, I'm still stuck in the middle. I didn't get rewarded with a community. I still feel alienated from both queer and non-queer people. I know it was silly to get my hopes up when there's such vast diversity in both groups, but it really was a disappointment. Going to my first Pride parade last year was really the moment where I realized this.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Why the fight for queer rights isn't over (it should be obvious, but to some people it isn't)

TW: transphobia and homophobia

Hi, Tumblr, this is Asmi. If you know me, it's probably as the Good Omens Mascot, which is flattering. I've found so much love and queer positivity in the good omens fandom, and the beautiful thing is how it's canon. Many people outside the queer community don't realise how crucial media and communities like this are. Right now since I'm on break from education, I'm on tumblr for most of the time I'm awake (which is not a lot, I nap more than Crowley). It's wild how different it is from the real world, that I live in at least.

I'm sure a lot of you might have had a similar experience to this: Basically, two people in my life, my bio father and my ex, both told me to my face that queer people needed to stop calling themselves oppressed and how now it's queer people who hold all the power and are oppressing other people. With all due respect, what the fuck.

I live in India, and being a trans guy who is bi and aspec, it's a cesspit. While I'm gendered correctly on Tumblr, and people are so loving and supportive, in real life even my friends who say they support me misgender me 90% of the time. Same with my family. In my previous college which I had to leave because of bullying by both the students and admin, even the queer students would misgender me (I told them I used they/them pronouns, because he/him would have been too unsafe, but even that they didn't manage). In the college I'll join next, it won't be safe for me to be out at all, at risk of losing opportunities and safety. Gay marriage is still illegal. Homophobia and transphobia is the norm. This doesn't even cover all the daily indignities like queerphobic jokes, casual discourse on whether or not we deserve rights, etc. Discrimination against aroace-spec people is rampant even within the queer community, worldwide.

And I live in an urban area, one of the largest cities in India known for its progressiveness and for being relatively safe for queer people. I am privileged compared to other queer people here. The story in other cities, in rural areas which make up most of the country, is far more horrifying. I'm unqualified to speak about anything other than my own experience, but if you can (if you are in a stable and calm enough mental state to handle the information, please put your mental health first) I'm sure there are first person accounts on the many forums.

The fight for equality is not over. It doesn't end with laws riddled with loopholes, it doesn't end even with laws that genuinely help the queer community. Aside from the huge problems of living safely and with access to equal opportunities and resources for people, we deserve dignity, peace, and the right to feel accepted and that we're not an abnormality. And so much more.

I haven't said anything that hasn't been said before, but it can't be said enough. To the queer people reading this, take all my love. We need to stand together, eliminate discourse over who is queer enough to be queer, and be the safe space that the world will not provide for us.

It's not over, and it hasn't been won by a long shot, but what matters is that we're fighting. Even existing as ourselves in a world that tells us it is a crime, is defiance and a step towards making this right.

[a-confused-teen-venting]

Yeah I’m once’s again posting about Heartstopper especially about Isaac.

God last night uggghhh. I felt so called out in many scenes like you won’t even believe. The “asking your friends to ask them how does it feel to like someone” gave me a wave of embarrassment cause I did that when going through a time I felt like I had to like someone who liked me. Plus the smallest scenes and moments showing Isaac’s dilemma while noticing all the couples around him with the kind of slight doubt and unsure feelings written in his face like UGH I GET IT.

And it hurts me that only I get it.

Watching this with my friend and her boyfriend in the same room was a doozy. Of course I didn’t mind them cuddling and flirting, it’s just, looking at Isaac and seeing the isolation and inability to fall in love while being surrounded by his friends who are all participating in their own romantic journey was like having a mirror directed at me. I feeling of seeing myself play put on screen felt so alien cause I never could relate so badly to a character before. But what kinda ruined the experience was my friend who seems to not understand that Isaac was going through an AROACE story. Not just an asexual story.

Spoilers moving forward:

Ever since my friend found out that James was going to be a potential love interest for Isaac, she was stoked, while I knew very well this was going to be a “realization” story. I knew from the beginning that this was going to be an aroace experience about how even though someone likes you, you can’t like them back cause your unable to feel anything for them. Still, for some reason, my friend still pushed and wished for the potential ability of Isaac getting romantically involved with James and it made me realize she didn’t see Isaac as being aromantic. She knew he was asexual but she was doubting the fact that he was aromantic and had the mentality of “he is asexual but he can still feel romantic love.” It wasn’t until that Isaac talked to the artist in the exhibition and they explicitly said “aromantic and asexual” that she finally admitted that Isaac is aroace. Like, she really needed to be told by word that Isaac is aromantic to basically confirmed his validation. Which… hurt cause… it isn’t obvious???

Throughout Isaac’s whole journey there were so many hints and clues about him going through his aromantic and asexual identity but it seemed she kept pushing for Isaac to be at least being alloromantic because… love??

The fact that an explicitly aroace character was still getting amatonormativity pushed upon them was just… so sad…

I felt for a second erased. Misunderstood. Or like the possibility of being aromantic isn’t possible cause I mean who could reject love?

I left her house basically about to break into tears because of Isaac’s journey but I hold it in cause I didn’t wanna bother her about something that she wouldn’t understand.

It’s just… it hurts really. The one character created for us to represent the aspec community being pushed aside and have their identity be invalidated or turned around made me realize that no matter what we can’t escape the expectations of society. The need to get into a relationship cause it’s just “oh so beautiful” and “everyone will meet the one” .

Im so happy to see myself in Isaac, but just so… miserable too.

[mossy-aro]

been thinking about the idea of 'coming out' and whether the experience of it is different at all for aspecs. like i feel with other identities when you come out generally (esp in queer circles like most of my friend groups) people already have a baseline of knowledge about gay (and to a lesser extent) trans identities. i think that's kind of different for aspecs though since the default amount of knowledge tends to be zero, or close to it. and so coming out, which is something you typically have to do over and over again, can become an exhausting process instead of a cathartic one (at least to me).

personally, i came out once and then called it quits. i told the people i felt needed to be told, and if i meet more, i'll tell them too. but i would say the vast majority of people i know irl don't realllyyy know that im aroace. coming out isn't really a thing i do. me being aspec/aroace is like an open secret - i'm not hiding it, but it's not something i'll bring up and i'll usually avoid the question if asked. and it's not because i care if anyone knows bc i really don't! but because once that's out there it changes the way people view my behaviour in a way i really don't like. if i say 'that person's good looking' people question whether i am attracted to them and thus my asexuality. it raises questions. if i do anything that contradicts the idea of being aroace = zero attraction and repulsed by the idea of romance/sex, my identity gets questioned and i will have to inevitability explain aspec 101 to them. like no we're not all sex/romance repulsed, also it's a spectrum, also ace and aro people can have sex and date and it doesn't make them less aspec, attraction is complicated, etc. which is something i just genuinely do not and never will have the energy for. i'd rather people just assume i'm allo because it makes my life so much easier unfortunately. my close friends know and that's all that really matters to me. if i sense that someone doesn't already know a lot about aspec people i'm just not going to tell them even if they ask.

[asexual-society]

Hi, so I'm aroace and I saw a post describing a study someone did about how many people on the ace spectrum didn't have strong connections to their gender identity. I like having labels to things and I know you won't say definitively if someone is something but I'd like some input.

So my brother came out as trans like a year ago now (ftm) and I've realised that I've never seen him with gender. I don't even see him as my brother or sister, just my sibling. If he wants to go by brother, he will be brother. If he wants to go by he, he will. If he wanted to go by Mr Bubbles, I would laugh at him but call him that. But I've genuinely never actually seen him or literally anyone around me with gender. I joke around with my friends using gendered terms like lads or bois when they're both girls, it doesn't really mean anything to me.

Is this something like agender? I don't really understand all the feelings around gender identity and I'm just more confused than anything. Sorry if this was long, I was kinda using my brother as an example to the thoughts I have.

It's super common for aspec people to feel disconnected from gender altogether, although what you're describing isn't unique to aroaces or anything obviously, for example, some neurodivergent people feel similarly disconnected from the way society views gender. What you're describing certainly sounds being agender to me, but if you're interested you could look at labels such as 'genderless', 'gendervoid', and 'neutrois' too.

Hope this helps, best of luck with everything!

~ mod key

(Worth noting that some trans people (and cis people too for that matter!) do take their own gender very seriously and feel it very deeply, and it can be important to them that you see them as the gender they are, since degendering is still misgendering, and doesn't feel good, even when done with the best of intentions.)

[our-alterous-experience]

so i just recently discovered alterous attraction and it felt right to me. i have so far identified as panromantic demisexual, and i was just curious how you thought that fit in with my current orientation.

i know its totally individualized, i am just curious to hear someone else's thoughts on the matter, since i cant talk to the people in my life abt it right now.

Well!!!! Depends on how you feel. As you said, it’s individualized so I can throw out some interpretations !!

So I came out as pansexual as a child and always thought I was ace. I flirted with calling it panromantic but never committed. Because I’m aromantic, bc i’m aplatonic, I find it fitting to call myself panalterous. Bc while I am still aspec what’s more important than my romance or sex take or whatever is how i feel alterously. That being said, you don’t need a direct “name” to fit in conjunction with all the other labels and identity. While some people are Romantics and others feel they are that way about Platonic ideals; the same applies to being alterous. I think sunfriend is my favorite alterous term I ever heard but that’s more hyper specific terminology than helpful thing.

For me, I’m also trans, i’m also queer, i’m also aspec, im also arospec.

I don’t think it’s productive all the time to go hello im Vexerin from genderfluid butch transmasc transsexual neopronouner pansexual aplatonic aspec aceflux aromantic alterous land.

Because honestly! It’s much easier to say Hello, I’m Vexerin, I’m panalterous, I’m 20, I’m aromantic and aplatonic. (Within, the context of someone asking me what the fuck i am for the first time at least)

Which is not to say I dislike any of the identities I identify with, it has given me so much freedom to accept these many facets and factors of my life. But for strangers and people who don’t really Know everything about you or even your sexualities, I would recommend just verbalizing “the hits”. The pieces that impact you the most/ are most relevant. For me that’s a lot of my A-spec identities. For me it’s important that I tell a new online friend I’m aplatonic. Is it important for you to tell someone you’re alterous? Are you itching to tell someone?

When I first started introducing myself as alterous in new spaces there was eventually questions and sit downs and I explained my experience and point of view. With new people I was explaining myself for the first time. It was remarkable I got to set expectations in my own way in my own relationships. So the default wasn’t automatically the society standard. I mean it was but it was changed, and that changed me. I will have this conversation over and over again. Like the classic saying, you never stop coming out.

So my perspective is, what do you want to introduce yourself with? Do you want to mention you’re alterous? I think it’s okay to, I think it’s also okay not to. Or it could be something you don’t mention when first talking about your sexuality but you make sure to mention it the second time. or maybe you only mention it when it becomes relevant, you feel alterous or you remember an alterous moment and you bring it up.

There are many different ways to try to go about this. Which one is the best for you? Or rather, which would you want to try out first?

[thethiefandtheairbender]

just a disclaimer: i’m queer and nonbinary (afab) as can be, so all of this is from a personally queer perspective? i also know that i don’t tend to really jive with ND stevenson’s work (she-ra didn’t quite work for me) either and if you loved the movie, great. i just gotta drop thoughts somewhere because well

they’re less than positive

like “nimona” wants to be a Queer movie so badly, but the entire humourous basis of the character herself is that she is 1) young looking (despite being immortal) and 2) appears to be AFAB and isn’t it funnily jarring when little girls want to be violent instead of cute and sweet? 

She doesn’t want to be a monster, but clearly genuinely enjoys destroying things (again: basis of the bulk of her character humour, and one of most defining character traits) with no regards to anyone who gets hurt or could get hurt in the process. 

also this is Entirely Personal preference but while the animation was stunning, the contrast in the medieval aesthetic and modern day technology just continually brought me out of the movie. which is too bad, because treasure planet and it’s 70/30 rule and aesthetic blend of old timey and big technology is one of my favourite things ever, but i think Nimona being 50/50 just... didn’t work for me. was also slightly disappointed that i figured out who the actual bad guy was before the queen’s death (and yet another movie with a black queen who Dies Instantly / a movie with literally queer men of colour being technical side characters to a white, allegorically queer main ‘female’ character). 

Ballister is a great protagonist, but due to his opposition of everything Nimona is personality and scheme wise, it feels like they’re almost running around in two separate stories. As well as like - he wanted to enjoy the Elite, Privileged, fighting force? An elite, privileged, entirely based on birthright system ruled by a Black queen before it was called into question, when it’s also a pretty clear allegory for the Police? The fact that this isn’t resolved - what’s going to happen to the Institute, is it going to be reformed or even better yet, disbanded (‘defunded’), is entirely left hanging as a plot thread, which doesn’t happen matters.

Halfway through the movie (specifically Nimona’s “or that sometimes I want to let them [kill me]”) is when I finally started to feel emotionally invested, but like two scenes later when Ambrosius’ stabbing was over dramatic rather than just letting the tone hold, I looked into the camera just... so incredibly unimpressed. The monopoly and shark dancing didn’t help.  

“She’s my friend.” “Aren’t I more than that?” so there were no aspec people in making this film. Got it. And Ballister’s heel face turn into calling Nimona a monster is also very quick, especially when his whole arc this movie is being unfairly demonized himself by the very same thing/people that are demonizing Nimona as well. The sheer harshness and length of the scene is also much longer and given time than him saving her, leaving that feeling kinda lopsided as well.

And Nimona’s issues I think are very evident in the fact the movie lets us see all the damage she’s causing at the end when she loses control, which is sad and tragic for her... but does not excuse or remove the real harm she’s bringing hundreds of other people. This is mitigated when she sacrifices herself to save the city, but given that her problem wasn’t necessarily selfishness so much as recklessness, and given that Ballister had literally just talked her down from suicide, it’s... Muddled to say the least.

And all of this ties back into the murky gender allegory of the movie. At its best, it’s very effective and very emotionally resonant (Nimona’s actual flashbacks and a couple of her conversations with Ballister. I can definitely see why people like it - hell, even I like it. “This monster is a threat to our entire way of life!” “What if we’re wrong?” kinda perfectly encapsulates were it falls flat to me, because queerness Is a threat to our current systems - capitalism, racism, cisheteropatriarchy founded on white gender essentialism. Queerness, particularly of gender, disrupts and should disrupt all those things; it’s a political identity just as much as personal one, both by choice and by societal circumstance.

TLDR; found the second half of the movie, overall, much stronger than the first, but with some bigger structural pitfalls. Animation was gorgeous, sense of humour didn’t overall work for me but that’s a personal thing, queer allegory was good but I would’ve liked some of the implications to be taken farther. I appreciate the movie for what it says about freedom of expression vs demonization by the upper class(es), and I think it’ll really resonant and be important to queer youth in their teens (a stage I am long past) figuring themselves and their place in an increasingly anti-trans political climate out, so I’m very glad it exists. It just wasn’t particularly groundbreaking, and wasn’t particularly up my alley. Which is kind of what I expected, but I am disappointed that I didn’t enjoy it more as a nonbinary person who loves story deconstructions, fantasy, and animation

[crimeronan]

How did you figure out you were polyam and aspec. Cause I’m having suspicions about myself and your outlook on relationships is pretty similar to mine

my answer is not going to be very helpful i'm afraid because to a point i've just...... always known. i did have crushes when i was younger but a lot of that was just projecting a life i wanted, rather than a real relationship with the other person. i've been in an open relationship (then turned polycule) since i was 16 because vi and i established extremely early that neither of us experience jealousy or care if the other fucks other people. figuring out my asexuality was a later development but prior to that i'd been having sex and doing sex work because it felt like something i Should be doing, so i might as well get paid for it. as a kid i always thought of relationships as friendships that include cuddling and/or sex, i didn't even realize that romantic desire was a real thing, i just didn't know there was a word for it. my romantic "crushes" have all really just been really deep admiration and excitement and desire for closeness with someone. maybe that IS what romantic feelings are?? but i don't fuckin know. i felt the same way about close friendships.

perhaps a more helpful answer is that i'm less invested in polyamory and aroaceness as definitions of who i Am, they're more definitions of what i Do. other people have their own views on their sexuality and relationships but! this is mine. i'm polyamorous because i've created a queer family of life partners and we all use "dating" and "partner" terminology for each other, even though some of us don't fuck or get romantic butterflies. i'm aroace because i don't particularly want to fuck or get romantic butterflies. i'm a lesbian dyke for gender reasons and also because i say so and because i always have been.

like it doesn't matter who you Are, on the inside. it just matters how you want to conduct your relationships and what language you want to use to define you. i have some aroace friends who structure their families similarly to me but use "sibling" or "friend" to describe their people instead of "wife" "qpp" "partner." doing it that way would squick me out because of my relationship with my actual siblings, but calling their friends/siblings their spouses would similarly squick them out bc they do not want that kind of relationship!

like. words mean whatever you want them to mean with queerness. you can do literally whatever you want forever.

[thetwilightroadtonightfall]

I reread my own fic A Light That Never Goes Out last night and remembered that I actually have notes for it so here y’all go, I’m dumping them here! 🌈

Ch 1

okay so here we go, here’s me explaining the candle thing again

To the newer folks who might not know, when you meet Ephemera in khx (browser chi), he asks you to get a candle from the Moogle because the Moogle wouldn’t let him get one. You’re more successful than he is, and throughout the quests where you’re traveling in the sewers with him, you go ahead and clear out the Heartless while he holds the candle so the flame doesn’t go out. The sewers visibly look darker too, until you both reach the end

You can watch it here

Ch 2

It always bugged me that the union leaders never got to fully grieve Ava or any of the other foretellers on screen. As far as they know, they perished in the war, they’re gone. So I wanted to let Ephemera have a moment to miss her, as one of her friends and someone who liked being around her

I also think that out of anything that happened during the war, it would’ve been really poignant if Player remembered their interaction with Ava. Of course, that’s part of their pain that was meant to be erased via union cross, but I imply that in this fic, Ephemera has gradually been helping them sift through the memories rather than completely suppressing them. Slowly re-exposing them to the memories so they don’t have a total breakdown.

As someone very close to Ephemera, it just feels more right and fair to him that Player gets these important memories back. It’s his sign of trust

Ch 3

It’s the shortest chapter, but still one I really like

It’s important to me that you know just how smitten Ephemera is with Player, and also how great of a friend Skuld is

She plays a wingman role in this fic, basically the one who encourages these two oblivious pining dorks to get together and helps when they need a third opinion

Ch 4

As I said in the notes, this is an expanded/updated version of an ask prompt which you can read here

The most important change to me was Ephemera asking to kiss them first rather than going in all gung ho. It feels more in character for him. Plus we love consent in this household!

Ch 5

I miss khux’s avatar boards…but not buying them!! 😜

The black and white tuxedo Player tries on was foreshadowing for Ephemera struggling to choose between a black and white tuxedo in ch 9

I also just really love Ephemera in red boots. It’s like…a Thing for me now. This will not be the last you hear of it

Now’s a good spot to mention that Ephemera’s absolutely relentless when it comes to being flirty. Not in the “whoa he‘s got rizz” way, but more in the “wow this guy’s a massive cheese ball” way. He’s been like this in my head since 2016 (I blame Kam. Love you Kam!!)

Ch 6

This was written with the intent of Player being somewhere on the ace/aro spectrum (one of the meanings for the chapter being called Purple is a reference to the colour purple on the ace flag). I didn’t really elaborate on it or even mention it because honestly, I’m not aspec and I wasn’t sure if I was portraying it accurately enough for it to be a prominent point

What I wanted the focus to be on was simply that Ephemera would love them, no matter what they feel or don’t feel. This applies to chapter 10 too, where he’s very understanding of whatever their opinion on having kids is

Ch 7

The jokes about the barter system is actually from a bunch of skulmerayer mini prompts I tried to write but ultimately couldn’t figure out or even fit in anywhere else

Eph and Player should’ve been able to hang out in Candy Kingdom together like they did in Cy-Bug Sector…..I stand by this

They both have a severe case of the sillies, amplified when they’re around each other

Ch 8

I think Ephemera gets bad dreams too, especially after the war. He often dreams about how hurt Player got, or worse, not being able to save them at all. And now he has bad dreams of the canon universe, where he lost everything, including Player

But this is a different timeline, where the two of them, and Skuld, were all able to escape the data world and meet up with the other leaders again to plan their next move in a new world

Ch 9

In this alternate timeline, all the union leaders continue their work together in Scala ad Caelum at the main tower. Honestly, I didn’t really think of how this would happen, but just imagine some kind of override where they’re able to create a new world at the expense of losing Daybreak Town forever. That part sadly stays the same

Skuld tells Ephemera, “You’ll be alright on your own.” It’s a callback to what he told her before leaving her party.

I like listening to Chikai (orchestra), starting it right before Ephemera pulls out the wayfinder :)

LISTEN I just think gifting a wayfinder can also be a romantic gesture. The sokai fans get this. It can be a big romantic gesture in place of giving someone a ring. It’s cute and made by your partner’s own hands, doesn’t get in the way of gripping a keyblade properly, and always lets you find each other again no matter where your travels take you across the worlds. Its pretty! It’s unique! It’s cute!!!

Ch 10

This is a 10 year timeskip, they’re all in their mid to late 20s now

Ephemera and Player have settled down in Destiny Islands, but take trips to stay in Scala for a few months at a time to relieve the others of their leader duties (and later to teach at the academy). So essentially they live both in Scala’s tower, and in their own home on the islands throughout the year

I feel like in this universe, Blaine would settle down first. Him having a kid on the way ended up giving Ephemera a bit of baby fever, which can often be what happens amongst friends and family around the same age

I have a headcanon ingrained in my head that Eph was raised by two moms who owned a library, so he’s always been surrounded by books growing up

I intentionally kept it vague whether or not he and Player would conceive or adopt children mainly because of Player’s ambiguity and also cause I could easily see them doing a mix of both

(I also headcanon the two of them being a t4t couple so there’s a lot of ways the having kids conversation can be interpreted anyway :D)

but basically, they both end up being parents in canon, so why not make them be parents together? 😊

In conclusion: I love them your honor. Thank you for reading!!!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hi Hello I am having such a crisis and have literally no clue who else to talk to so here I am! (Side-Note before I actually start: your blog is very very cool and has been such a great help to since I figured out I was aspec)

So basically I figured out I was ace a few years ago (I’m a minor btw) and then about a year later that I was aro. I have been pretty stable in my identity since and am out to my close friends (and mom but only the ace part), even rejected one of said close friends because of just that (which was really difficult because I really really really like him and did not do not want to hurt him but like I just can’t see myself having a romantic relationship with him, or anyone for that matter, at all). Anyway I met this girl at school yesterday (we only started talking today though), we’ll call her Marie for simplicity’s sake, and she’s really pretty and nice and funny and soo cool. I’m pretty sure she flirted with me and it actually felt good (all other instances of flirting by guys and gals alike have felt sooo weird ngl) yet I stellt felt that strange disconnect feeling I always get when someone flirts w me just like, quieter? I’ll probably only see her tomorrow and then not again for a long time (or maybe even forever) if I don’t actively reach out to her (she gave me her number btw) and I’d really like to be friends… now, thing is I think I have a crush???? Maybe??? I dunno???? I think I would like to be with her in theory but as soon as I imagine myself kissing Marie or even holding hands I get a cringing uncomfortable sensation… On top of that I don’t even know if she likes girls, so I might not even have a shot at all. And even if I were crushing on Marie and she liked girls and liked me I dunno if I would be able to have a relationship with because a) I suck at communicating b) I’m a nervous wreck that just randomly ghosts people for weeks on end despite wanting to text them and c) I think the guilt towards the friend who confessed to me would kill me

I’m sorry if I bothered you w this but I really needed someone to talk to and maybe you might even have some words of advice

So the number one thing to remember is that you don't have to have everything figured out right away. Based on this alone, a lot of things are possible, and things will be more clear as you gather more experiences and things progress in general. Right now it does sound like you're still repulsed at the idea of doing romantic things with Marie, it's impossible to say if that may change in the future or not unless you personally have a strong feeling about it.

Could it be a crush? Maybe? It is possible to get crushes but not want to act on them, or be too repulsed to act on them. Or to experience romantic attraction but not the full range or romantic desire to go with it. It's also possible to experience other types of attraction that isn't romantic or sexual, but if you're not aware they exist it can be easy to mistake them (squishes for example is a type of platonic crush where you want to be close or important to the person you're attracted to, and can feel a lot like a romantic crush except that it doesn't feel romantic at all).

I get where you may feel like you're on a deadline because you may not see Marie again after today, it's up to you if you want to try and stay in contact, but if you have the capacity to experience these feelings with one person, it's likely you will again (or if you don't, it's a hiccup and you don't have to worry about it). So whatever choices you make, you will figure things out eventually.

Try not to feel guilty if you want to explore your feelings here even though you turned your friend down. It hurts to reject people, but it's always the right choice if you don't feel like you can reciprocate how they want, and it's the kindest choice in the long run. But that doesn't bar you from exploring your feelings or even trying a relationship at some point in the future if you ever end up wanting to, you will still have done the right thing turning down someone you didn't feel right entering a relationship with. These things are complicated.

Hopefully this is helpful, but if you want to dig into something more or have more questions, feel free to send in another ask.

All the best!

[g0rrix]

About me!;

@ G0RRIX ?!

{PFP CREDITS @camerafreakx}

♪ I CAN FEEL YOU ALL AROUND ME, THICKENING THE AIR IM BREATHING. HOLDING ONTO WHAT IM FEELING, SAVOURING THIS HEART THATS HEALING. ♪

Basic Info:

→ Name: Ailee/Angelica/Star

→ Pronouns+Terms: She/It + No Masc Terms

→ Age: 19yo {o5}

→ Sexuality: Aroace Lesbian

→ Gender: Nonbinary, Transfem

→ Relationship Status: Taken ×2

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System Info:

°•- System Type: Traumagenic

°•- System Tag: . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ 🪽 {Discord}

°•- Alter Count: 1k+

°•- Hosts: Anastasia, Angel

°•- Co-Hosts: King, Jane, Intruder

°•- Gatekeepers: Alastor, Loki, Gabriel, Ander, Andy

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Disorders/Disabilities:

Dissociative identity disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, major depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, autism spectrum disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder, schitzotypal personality disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, crohns, irritable bowel syndrome, asthma, periodic paralysis, incomplete's spinal cord injury (may be updated but these are the issues that cause the most issues and will be mentioned the most in my blog)

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Boundaries:

. . ⇢ please be aware that each boundary is different for every alter. these are just collective boundaries

↳ ❝ this list of boundaries excludes the system littles. ¡! ❞

⸝⸝ yes :: playful teasing, petnames but ask which are fine to use partners are excluded, asking who's in front, pda!!, kys/kms jokes, suggestive/nsfw jokes (if you are 18+), platonic flirting, follow me when you're under my friendship age range (16)

⸝⸝ no :: do not treat our alters like their source, do not call our introjects 'double', 'twin' (whatever you call alters w the same source ALTERS ARE NOT THEIR SOURCE, THEY'RE NOT YOU OR YOUR INTROJECTS THEY ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE), please do not add us on private socials or ask to be muterals/friends if you are under 16, tone tags, do not ask about trauma, do not flirt in a serious sense (outside of partners), ask to see our face (outside partners), Endo, make jokes ab our trauma

⸝⸝ ask :: venting, ask for triggers, friend requests on other platforms, nicknames, voice calls, video calls.

⸝⸝ other :: my partners don't apply to most boundaries

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DNI:

Racist, Antisemitic, Islamophobic, Xenophobic, Against BLM, Support all / blue lives matter. Are a Nazi / Support the Alt-Right, , Sexist or Misogynist, Ableist (this includes anti-recovery + pro-force recovery, people who are hateful to mental disorders like bpd, BD, npd it doesn't matter your hate is a problem!!), You are Anti-Sys, rude towards headmates, you don't treat headmates like actual people. You do not provide a safe space for systems / acknowledge their boundaries. You speak over systems and engage in syscourse when you yourself are not a system, Romanticize mental illnesses, Believe 'blackwashing', 'reverse racism', 'cisphobia' 'hetphobia' 'cishetphobia' etc are real things that exist, LGBT+phobic (lesbiphobic, homophobic, biphobic, panphobic, transphobic, aphobic, aspec exclusionist, etc), Use slurs you can't reclaim, Fujoshi/Fundashi, fetishize mlm and/or wlw relationships/pairings/etc, Are a Pedophile/MAP+ Zoo, Are a proshipper, darkshipper {or are neutral/ok with any of them}

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OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA:

Instagram:

@/lace.dxll (art acc)

@/g0rrixp (main, blog, spam)

@/angelic1s (system acc)

Tiktok:

@/dxmbailee (spam{capcut temps} backup)

@/yhitsstar (system/main acc)

@/angelicventz (vent acc)

Pinterest:

@/g0rrix

Spacehey:

@/A1L33

Snapchat:

@/g0rrix

[knifearo]

in regard to the "this romantic relationship is actually just a QPR" -> "well actually QPRs are a lot more complex than that and most people don't know that" post... PREACH. I hate the notion that QPRs are just romance lite™. I ended a friendship w my best friend because they thought "what we had" was "at least a QPR" and "you just need to accept that I am your gf." I was out as aro to them and never felt romantic feelings for their gender anyway (not that that rly matters tho, bc I never felt that way for them) but despite that, they felt like they could try to make a "romantic" relationship with me with the QPR "loophole." it's the way that even queer allo people use our own terminology against us and can also be incredibly arophobic/just plain disrespectful to our identities. it doesn't go friendship -> QPR -> romantic relationship. they're all just....... relationships!!!!

!!!!!!! first of all i am so sorry that you had to deal with that. that sucks. second of all you're so correct... something i think is so important to identify is that it's NOT the people in qprs who are pushing what we might nonaffectionately call the "romance lite" narrative. i think all of us can agree that we VERY much dislike when qprs are invoked that way, and it's important to take a step back and separate that rhetoric from the concept of qprs themselves. the "romance lite" narrative is something that people SAY about qprs. but it is not what qprs are! and if we simply start eating the allo people who say that then i think we can live in a much more peaceful world haha. just because they are trying to use our own terminology to fit us in their boxes does not mean that our terminology fits the mold ‼️ bitches will take things out of context all the time (it's the same thing with the "aces can have sex/aros can date" discussions; it's allo people who are leveraging that against sex/romance repulsed aspecs, not other aspecs!!! that conversation was meant to be empowering to sex/romance favorable aspecs because allos took "aces/aros never have to have sex/date" out of context to invalidate people!!) and it is up to us to tell them to shut the fuck up and move on with our beautiful aromantic lives <2

[3kiripima3]

Hello!! I saw ur requests were open for a matchup and I’d love to do one! I will ask for no Valentino because he makes me very uncomfortable.

I’m an AFAB genderfluid aspec bisexual (he/she/they) and an ESFJ 2W1 Leo. I’d consider myself very loud and obnoxious at times but that’s just how I am tbh. Despite me being overwhelming at times I dedicate most of my time to my friends by buying them things and giving all the emotional support I can even if it isn’t reciprocated because some people just need an extra bit of support. I’m a bit of a pushover at times and need a lot of reassurance in my actions because I’m typically pretty overdramatic and sensitive at time.

I have a ton of hobbies, most are art related! I spend most of my time binge watching the same horror movies and analyzing the characters in them and their motives. I often like to make props and do sfx makeup but I paint, draw, do digital art, knit and make jewelry in my free time as well! As long as it keeps my hands and mind busy I’m occupied for hours. I’m a big fan of horror and creepy things like vulture culture (collecting bones) and more specifically my fav movies are Texas chainsaw masacre part 2 and house of 1000 corpses.

I typically wear pretty relaxed clothing like flannels and t shirts and shorts, I don’t really ever get dressed up but when I do it leans more on the gothic side outfit wise, but I’m a sucker for sparkly blue eyeshadow and a light pink lip! I love fashion and makeup and designing outfits and makeup looks despite never really wearing anything of the sort out. I love experimenting with fun colors and seeing what works best.

My main love languages is physical touch and acts of service, no matter how close I am with someone I will get them gifts but it takes me a while to be physically affectionate with someone but once I am comfortable enough I will never want to let go and will want to hold the person at all times!

Hiya! Thanks for the request! After some consideration, I think I'd pair you with…

Velvette!

I think you and Velvette would work very well together!

As Velvette can be very loud and obnoxious herself, she'd be fine with you being similar. However, if she's really not in the mood she'd likely tell you to be quieter.

I feel like Velvette would really appreciate you giving her emotional support. She's always stressed out by the other Vees, so she'd genuinely thank you for that.

Velvette is typically overdramatic herself, so I doubt she'd notice if you were as well. Yet, if you needed reassurance, she'd give you some. Maybe it's not the typical type of reassurance, but in a way, Velvette's feels more genuine.

Due to Velvette being in the fashion industry, she'd really appreciate any form of art related skills. You'd often have her call you to do sfx makeup for her models for different photoshoots as well. She'd likely try and convince you to draw out her ideas to help her visualise outfits for her career, but she'd occasionally draw things for you!

I see Velvette as someone very intrigued by horror and the like, albeit having a tendency to over-critique movies. So, if you were to ever watch a horror movie with her, she'd 100% be judging the special effects.

If you were going out in public with Velvette, she'd make you get dressed up. Otherwise, I don't think she'd mind you wearing relaxed clothing, as long as the colours don't clash. She definitely appreciates that you enjoy fashion and makeup. Velvette would like having another perspective on her designs.

Thanks for requesting! I hope this is good enough for you :)

[kaoruko-han]

What's disappointing about realizing why you'll never be understood is that it's no amount of trying will change anything

It doesn't matter that I write faster or have a better English. By essence I am different. It's why none of my first fics took off. People saw ocs and assumed mary sue, people saw no romance and assumed it was worthless

Because what is ocs but a way to self insert? What are fanfic but about your otp kissing?

What else could it be. Nobody care.

Isekai are popular recently and I see people hating on it on there and yeah no wonder it's self insert fantasies.

But this website do the same since a while now. Now the fiction which work are those that explicitly want the reader to imagine themselves with Christian Grey #85. Authors don't even have to try, it'll work out anyway.

JJK is nothing but this because people don't even care about the characters, but just their appearance. That's all there is to it.

Fiction doesn't reflect what people really feel about our society but then I wonder why people don't use fiction to have a reality free of what oppress them

Instead I see fiction for women primarily about being treated worst than we are irl but since the guy doing it it's hot. It's a "power fantasy" to be with a guy who have full control over your life but he love you. Lol.

I tried to understand that to accept it since I can't go anywhere in the jjk fandom withiut shit like this and that we keep repeating that cringe culture is dead but it's no use.

It make me cringe and I wish it wasn't as present and that this fandom wasn't known for fangirls using Gojo's figure as a dildo or creating t shirt where they call themselves Toji's hole or asking around which sexymen they would let abuse them

And I think wow so it's why ocs aren't as present anymore? You guys never cared about creating a character or about the character's personality of the one you claim to like? It's just about recreating what society does already?

But yeah. I do write what I want to see because nobody else will write it otherwise. Because fiction is just about that for many of you.

You can't accept a whole fandom for sure. I was just doing good in the past because it was a forum, a little community where we were all friends.

Then fandom in general became bigger and more insufferable.

I don't think this mindset will go even if I go on another one. Fandom define themselves only through amatonormativity and a fake support of aspec to not look bad.

I'm better off cutting tie and not sharing my posts in the main tag anymore, to not give me the illusion that anyone give a damn about what I do.

I just need to stop sharing and wanting to connect so bad.

I will never feel at my place here.