#this one is more silly towards the end don’t perceive me

[deadgirlwalking91]

Do you think you could write a short scenario where Lilith realizes just exactly what Lute and Adam are to each other? Or rather, what she perceives them to be? Something like

"I see you've found another replacement, Adam."

"Watch it, Witch." Adam snarled.

Even if Adam's assured Lute a million times that she's his best girl, his one and only, I could see something like that digging under Lute's skin something fierce.

Hey Anon,

I hope this is what you had in mind ❤️

Lilith drummed her long, black fingernails lazily on the varnished tabletop as she gazed out the window.

These annual meetings with her brute ex-husband were such a drag. Honestly, being subjected to the same idle pratter year after year was starting to become a real chore.

At least this time Lucifer had left her alone to deal with him. He was always so insistent on keeping their dealings strictly business. Now, with him otherwise occupied, she could at least have a little… fun.

“Did you hear me, harpy?” Adam snapped. Sighing, Lilith turned her head to face him.

Poor darling. Afterlife had not been kind to him. His once bright, wonder-filled eyes were now heavy-lidded and framed with bags. The way his face, once angular and chiseled, had filled out - not heinously, but enough - hinted at some level of overindulgence. Perhaps he feasted more often than he should, or drank himself silly most nights.

She didn’t know. She didn’t care.

“Sweetheart,” she began, and out of the corner of her eye she noticed the small woman next to him stiffening slightly. She was a plain little thing, with a harsh face and short, cropped hair that did her no favours. “You should know by now that I’m only here out of obligation. I haven’t been paying a word of attention to whatever it is you’ve been rambling on about since you opened that foul mouth of yours.”

“You always were a defiant bitch, Lil.”

“Now, now darling, must we resort to childish name-calling?” she chided, propping her hand on her chin. “Especially when we’re amongst company? I see you’ve found another replacement. Who, I might add, you’ve still not introduced me to. You always did have awful manners.”

The woman furrowed her thin brows slightly, but made no comment at Lilith’s jab.

“Shut it, witch,” Adam snarled. He jerked his head towards his companion. “This is Lute.”

“And whom might Lute be to you?”

“Lieutenant of the Exorcist Army. As if it wasn’t fucking obvious enough with the uniform.”

Now, it wasn’t Adam’s answer that made Lilith sit up a little straighter, nor was it the realisation that their meeting was soon to come to an end. No, it was the very brief wave of disappointment that flickered across Lute’s face when he introduced her as his lieutenant.

That expression told Lilith everything she needed to know.

Clasping her hands together on the table, Lilith cleared her throat before addressing Lute directly. “And how long have you been Adam’s… lieutenant, dear?”

“Many years, your Highness,” she answered dutifully. Her voice was as sharp as her face. No softness to her whatsoever.

Very different to Adam’s usual type, indeed.

“I see,” Lilith said. Her lips curled into a tiny, knowing smile as she asked, “And how long have you been fucking my ex-husband?”

Fury burned in Lute’s eyes as she opened her mouth to respond, but Adam quickly intercepted. “Don’t you dare fucking ask her shit like that, Lilith.”

It was hard to contain her smirk as she watched Adam snarl at her like a rabid dog. Still, she couldn’t help but recognise the softness that crossed his eyes as he stared at the girl.

It was something she’d felt from him, once. A very, very long time ago.

“Oh, don’t get all bent out of shape, Adam, I was just asking a simple question. Honey,” she turned to address Lute, who’s face had turned a brilliant shade of gold. “Let me offer you a little piece of advice. Woman-to-woman. Don’t put up with his disgusting behaviour. Get out while you still can.”

“With all due respect, ma’am,” Lute said, her voice thick with venom that held nothing but pure disdain for Lilith, “I don’t need you sticking your horns in affairs that are none of your business.”

Oh, dear. She was infatuated with Adam. Blindly so, it seemed. Yes, now Lilith could see the way she gazed back at him so adoringly, so lovingly, like he was the only thing in the world that mattered to her.

Stupid girl. They deserved each other.

“Very well. Suit yourself.” Lilith rose from her seat gesturing towards the door. “I believe our little meeting here is done.”

[dilfhos]

sooo this is gonna be a messy rant on the observations ive made between different writer communities, blog interactions and overall “status”. just silly little things I’ve noticed in my 4+ years being on tumblr btwn 2 diff blogs. and this is about no one specific, a very generalized post so if you find urself offended i honestly dont know what to tell you?? :o do better ig. & if you relate, i feel for you. TLDR @/end.

i dont like interacting/ building connections with people but not for the reasons ppl think. im not stuck up or pretentious or weird or anything. just another anime-enjoyer who loves to write in her free time. nobody special by a longshot!! i enjoy writing, always have since before i was a teen. (wasn’t always ff tho!).

but over the years ive just noticed fandom writing has its gritty sides that no one talks about often and its no mystery why so many prolific/ popular writers deactivated, me included. i had some shitty experiences and have seen friends go bc of it.

firstly, I’ve noticed, once you start interacting and building friendships with people, it’s easier to see the bigger perspective of where ppl stand and the blatant hierarchy of friendships and groups. same applies to that outside. like its literally just me n’ my bsf then my acquaintances bc mfs be weirddd omg its like cults or something. like thats why initially I didn’t interact w/anyone starting on my new blog. that n’ fear of drama following from my last blog ugh. ‘Cept the few i’ve met on my old blog (like my wifey)

not to mention i have bad anxiety. and sometimes im cue-deaf. i dont always pick up what people put down and vice versa and it makes me conscious in a lot of my interactions. so a part of me doesn’t want to interact at all to avoid all awkwardness and possible miscommunications. that’s not to say i don’t notice subtle changes in interactions after one situation / conversation or so forth, that in myself or witnessed between other ppl. (im perceptive, just not that good conversationalist lol. like i really have to try.)

but then…if you don’t interact with people on here, your chances of building an audience or a reader base is slim to none. the likelihood of developing relationships is zip. because you’re already perceived and pegged as just another tumblr writer. pause. to clarify, a writer who doesn’t want any recognition or interactions from mutuals or new friends. or just a lonely writer? a introverted, lonely writer. which leads to little to none interactions (anons, reblogs, moots —exposure.)

so then its like you’re kinda placed btwn a rock n a hard place. and there’s absolutely no problem with that! in fact this is the best part—meeting friends and like-minded people! people that make being online all the more worth it right? thirsting over fictional characters and sharing in each other’s works!

but you have to be in specific circles it seems. but then you can’t imply that you want to be in those circles bc then you’re desperate.

but well, then you cant purposefully want to be independent or be on your own or else you’re a hater, hypocrite or stuck up. not to mention, no one will reblog your stuff lol. no one will interact fr, and you’re friendless essentially. and god forbid if you disagree on something as if opinions don’t exist btw! then you’re being ganged up on. (like omg grow up!)

but then if you reach out you’re seen as trying to wedge in or kiss ass? you interact and follow and you’re ignored or left hanging? (bc im gonna touch your hand when i say this—it never gave fan, your majesty of horny nerds) and this is about ALL the writing communities and fandoms—spicy content, black content and dark content. ALL.

yet no one wants to talk about the pregnant elephant in the room—bias. and favoritism. also people seem to have a hard time being direct with how they’re feeling toward/about someone ( in a good or bad way) which in turn leads to a lot of miscommunication and subliminal attacks. (not to mention hate anons? one of my moots just had her inbox flooded w/them recently, ew.)

you can lead a horse to water AND you can write a 500-word essay on the observations made on tumblr writers as a whole. (a long ass post on the truth on behalf of those feeling this too)

also, slapping a HEY LOOK AT ME! IM A WRITER WHO WANTS INTERACTION AND FRIENDS! on a blog is frankly embarrassing. it shouldn’t even take all that seeing how easy it is for others wanting the same thing.

or doing less to achieve the same result.

not to mention, yall shit on ppl who essentially feel this way altogether bc you peg them as sb who doesn’t “try” or just jealous when their own works are phenomenally written themselves. ive seen it. and ive lived it. never gave jealousy baby.

at the end of the day, we’re all writers— either longterm or hobbyists. (personally, im longterm) self-indulgent or not! and its absolutely amazing when people are being fair in how they spread love and feedback to their writers.

Secondly, its not news that people have to want to reblog your fics so that their followers can reblog, so they can reblog, and their followers can reblog and so forth. but ppl honestly dont care atp bc once they’ve already read it, they owe you nothing. and apparently asking for reblogs is crass and bold. (imma do it anyway) but putting your very all into a story just to turn and see a half-thought out hc soaring 3k in 2hrs and 5k in a day — you have to stfu, open your ass and take it. keep it cute!

you’re getting fucked after all!!

because if you complain—you’re just jealous and lazy and uncreative!! and i hate that to seem like a writer worth a damn, you have to change up your writing style every two weeks to fit in with trending waves.

“no more poetic long fics, nobody’s into that! short, snappy slutty shots are all the rage!” “ppl are only into these specific tropes but you can’t exceed 2k words!” “only add trending characters to these hcs! ppl love them only!” “don’t write too much about a specific character or else ill unfollow you!” its exhausting.

i am well within my right as a literary artist to desire more feedback and interaction on anything i put out. period. and you are too! 🫵

God, im tired of that stupid, ‘you have to enjoy your writing for yourself and not worry about notes’ line. i do love my writing! don’t get me wrong there’s nobody id rather write like if not myself fr. not to mention the inspiration i draw from famous literary authors. however, i would love feedback and the same energy that i see with others in my same caliber.

and when i see others that didn’t even try fr—its a slap in the face to put it bluntly.

i can want silly little comments and notes about something i cherish and put out for that reason and yall aren’t gonna make me feel bad about it. sorry! like yall really be making people feel shitty for wanting the same type of interactions you get! especially when its harmless, bye asf. nb want to recipe to ur peach cobbler b!

the only one giving push back are those appointed popular /top blogs n’ cliques tho. now personally, i honestly dgaf if you have 20 followers or 25k, writing is writing and if its good you should want to support it regardless of following count/interaction right?

unfortunately, and quite unsurprisingly its not the case for the rest of this hellhole lol. there’s always gonna be some “big blog” in any part of tumblr or any social media for that matter.

but when the sole purpose being on a site like tumblr to write is mainly exposure, then it just makes it ten times worse especially if it seems that these blogs are steady at the top of every. single. tag. and listen, i know how initially stupid that sounds but when you’ve picked up on patterns for as long as i have, well iykyk.

so imma be real bc no one else will, half of the posts that yall see with 25k notes have alr been done. just different characters, different words, different dialogue. And 8/10 its been done by sb who only received 100 notes. Thats the evil part. whats more is that it lacks the creativity the one post with 100-300 notes is filled with completely.

POP QUIZ! what post would readers be more inclined to read? — one that says 10k (ohhh that must be popular!) or the one with only 150 (oh i guess nb really liked that one) that no one is even willing to reblog for MORE. and BOOM. now yall wonder why so many great writers LEAVE, its a fucking joke.

so unfortunately its no longer only about or only on readers anymore. its about who you know and who you know is willing to support your fr. who is willing to REBLOG your fics for their friends and followers, so that their friends and followers can reblog. to fit in you actually have to get in these days and it makes it all less enjoyable. makes it a chore and if you aren’t ‘doing it right’ ultimately it makes you feel shitty about your writing. (Please don’t, you are doing amazing. its the platform.)

it makes people not want to jump into writing. it pushes away those who actually want to join writing communities and meet people without feeling like they have to jump thru hoops to thrive or worse—live in other ppls shadows. and then it deters those from speaking up in fear of being shut down by bigger groups. ive seen it happen time and time again.

lastly, and this is the juiciest part! you absolutely cannot say anything about any of this bc you’re complaining and a fisher just looking for attention and not someone who just want things to be fair all over. play the game, right? ( wrong. and if this is your logic, you suck! )

its no longer about making flashy banners and pretty themes. its no longer about how many clever directory links you add or how many games you initiate on your blog or whether or not you’ve reblogged your fic three times already. its about your “friends”, other mutuals, and blogs willing to support you too. not just the audience. audience gonna do what they want regardless. reblog, don’t reblog, whatever. “at least ive read it right?” but everyone knows this. duh! but it’s obvious who doesn’t care as long as they’re on top of that tag! its admirable in a way but it sucks for those wanting to break out and build some kind of readerbase and/or make friends.

TLDR; people need to stop being bias and be fair and open lol. stop picking favorites and share the love all around. you see another person writing your favorite character or trope, give them a fucking chance and reblog, regardless if they’re in your ‘circle’ / radar or not. regardless if you know them or not. hell, let them put you on to a new fandom. bc writing is writing and making new moots and finding new fics seem to be what everyone loves to showcase until its time to actually do it. no wonder people get discouraged to make friends and write, yall treat it like some kind of secret society when its supposed to be fun💀 not a competition. (yall need to dead this clique-y shit. )

[kaportka]

A Powerful Habit for an Insanely Good Day

Today, I want to share with you a simple method that will transform your day.

This simple habit transformed my life:

It changed how I view the world,

It improved my relationships,

It helped me slow down and focus on my priorities.

For the idea to get more accessible, let’s start with a basic assumption:

We all have bad days. We get hurt and hurt others, but underneath we are driven by the need: to love and be loved.

We condition our good mood upon the behaviours of others, the stock market, the weather, and all sorts of external conditions.

As long as you persist on conditional living, your mood will be susceptible to the ebbs and flows of outside events.

To change the outside, you need to look inside.

At first, my idea might sound silly, but I encourage you to give it a chance. For at least one day. It works.

Here it goes:

Look at whatever happens in your life as perfection.

That’s right. That ugly fight? Perfection. There is no better way to work on better communication and understanding with your partner.

The missed plane? Perfection. You never know what you might have blissfully avoided. Appreciate the time you have gained.

Everything that happens in our lives is the projection of our minds.

If we choose to see the world as the enemy, it is exactly what we will encounter.

But if we dare to look at “the ugly” as being here for a reason, the world appears in new colours — rife with possibilities, not limitations.

Your beliefs shape your reality.

Instead of coming up with negative scenarios and what might go wrong, decide that regardless of what happens today, it is perfect. With that mindset, you will thrive.

Your mind won’t be preoccupied with worrying, doubting, or stressing.

It will concentrate on all the good things that happen to you, and if something uncomfortable occurs, your new assumption will help you weather it through.

When you are at peace with whatever the outcome, you gain a sense of detachment that gives you the edge to discover new avenues of happiness and creativity.

Dr Wayne Dyer used to say: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.

The magic of your new mindset will translate onto every aspect of your life.

When you perceive every circumstance as perfection, you tap into the abundant mindset. Meaning, there is no lack. You are no longer the victim but a student of life. It is a tremendous perspective shift.

Things and people that irritate us the most are our biggest allies. They serve as our teachers and reflect what we need to heal.

Be grateful for every single person you meet today.

Regardless of the behaviour, see them as perfect. They have every right to be here on this Earth with you and an equal right to be assholes.

You have every right not to react since you see the world as perfection. Once you look them in the eyes and smile, their attitude toward you will shift.

Every event in your life is perfect, yet, we don’t always see it once emotions get in the way.

Today, divorce will seem like a stumbling block, or the end of the world. Yet, five years from now, you will find yourself sitting peacefully on the porch, watching the sun goes down and appreciating every setback that brought you there.

You will always encounter challenges, but how you respond to those obstacles define the outcome.

When you look at challenges as opportunities, you will reap the benefits.

If you want to change anything, first, you need to accept it.

Seeing something you don’t like as perfection — as the rightful place in this world — takes off your pressure to manipulate it.

When you don’t try to manipulate energy, it starts serving you.

Don’t allow the world to make you bitter.

Keep showing up as the most compassionate version of yourself. Shine the example of what unconditional love is.

When you perceive the world from a place of love, you don’t keep score, you don’t criticize, and you don’t get jealous. You thrive.

[frail-and-freakish]

on growing up with "intensive intervention" and abuse as a young autistic trans kid.

(quotes are from neuropsychs and reports, things said to me verbally, my own words/thought processes at different times. tw ABA, dehumanizing clinical language, stim suppression, some transphobia toward the end)

february 6th 2012.

an appealing child

with many areas of precocious development

alongside areas

of definite developmental lag.

diagnostically

meets the following criteria

for a pervasive developmental disorder.

you want more water

pronominal reversal

Alligator alligator alligator

intense and restricted interests. immediate echolalia.

its too hard to be a girl

too hard to be (deadname)

call me pangoo the penguin

because i'm scared of (deadname).

i like it when it’s cold

i hate it when it’s hot

appears overstimulated by environment

i am never tired

scripted language

i never like to smile when people tell me to

facial expression is usually flat

too soft too tight hurt hurt no touch

extremely opposed to imposed touch

it doesn’t hurt you

it just bothers you

need to control every aspect of environment

but i like it when it’s messy

do you like bedtime? is it bedtime? is it bedtime? bed bed bed

perseverative speech

i’m not good at saying what i mean

severe communication disorder

no is my monster

i only want to point to zoo animals

extremely self directed in play

i don’t want to say that

significant conversational rigidities

(the message is wrong

it’s okay to be sad

but you have to get over it.)

the words stab into the report with grisly black ink

began to behave in a silly manner

primal defense mechanisms

unhealthy involvement with reading

atypical prosody

symbol oriented cognition

disordered phonological processes

appears uninterested in others

needed maximum verbal cues

very spontaneous and overly enthusiastic

and also withdrawn and hyper focused on her own ideas.

my hands fold into my palms in the speech therapist’s office

ripple flutter in a dance with the air

motor stereotypy

often loses focus and becomes squirmy

stilled by a dead end voice

quiet hands

‘physically disorganized’

body messy

they think it’s weird

after all

it’s hard for you to know what other people are thinking

impaired theory of mind

everybody noticed

but they were being polite

and would never have said anything

to you

responds well to a behavioral approach.

may 5, 2018.

acute awareness of needs and vulnerabilities

too old to trick into being compliant

self appointed position as autism champion

i asked her if

when she was little and only read books about alligators

if we should have expected her teachers to respect that.

she said yes

failing of course to consider

that she was in a class with people who had various interests

not obsessions.

insisted that people who are cognitively impaired should not be changed.

having a vagina does not define biological sex????

i am going to have a hard time keeping up with her thought process.

extremely hypersensitive to what is perceived

as non-acceptance or rejection.

i thought you were just one type of weird

but now you have all these different types

i’m so sorry to hear that she

(forgive the pronoun, please)

is miserable right now.

the test was not developed for use

with individuals who are gender non-conforming.

steady growth in mastery of pragmatic language skills

improved social functioning

i am so happy to hear

that she’s acknowledging she needs help

rather than continuing down the path

of “i’m perfect.”

progress intervention treatment success.

barely even autistic.

[pyr0cue]

Feel free to answer privately if you'd like- i know the Longlegs discussion is getting a bit muddled up in the notes and i'm actually really interested in people's takes on the film, especially when they bring up things i'd never consider, like Longlegs being a bit of a touchy subject when it comes to being potentially transgender, or just repeated (typically negative) stereotypes in horror in general. i find this type of stuff really fascinating!

(i apologize if i get a little lengthy in this lol)

while i don't particularly see Longlegs as trans, with the idea of Buffalo Bill being in a lot of peoples heads as a reference for Longlegs can definitely nudge them in that direction, and ill never fault anyone on their interpretation on a character in a film, it's kinda what makes films art to begin with. tho i also think (personally) that it may be a bit unfair to a character who, throughout the movie, is not a Buffalo Bill character other than the fact that Bill and Longlegs are both murderers. Bill is regarded as feminine because of who he kills and why he does it, where as Longlegs is sort of guided more towards the 'epitome of evil', to the point where Longlegs isn't even killing anyone directly, because its simply his influence with Ruth, the orbs, and the dolls. the through-lines are surely there, especially in terms of the ambiguity of gender, the cliches, and the harmful stereotypes associated with them. i'm just under the impression that the more you pick at it, the more the similarities kinda dissolve- but that's just me!

not to get long winded and annoying but i perceived Longlegs as not a human at all, but a rendition of the "Beast" itself, with Ruth being the other, forming the triangle that Longlegs seemed to be obsessed with, or less satanically accurate (i guess?? im no where close to religious so hoo boy if im wrong consider me a silly goose) , maybe a portrayal of the Antichrist itself. Longlegs is unnerving to look at and listen to because its desperately trying to be something that it perceives as 'beautiful,' when in actuality, is horrifying, like a 'demon' would present itself (if we want to pretend we know what a demon would do, but its fiction, so wooooo!) there is of course issues that are going to spike up with that- the 'feminine' presentation can set off alarm bells for a demographic that's already viewed in an (unfair, of course) 'evil' sense. but i think that unfortunately makes things more interesting- Longlegs can be perceived as anything, but at the end of the day, is evil, nearly on a cosmic level because we truly dont know what the hell Longlegs even is.

i super apologize for this being long and probably obnoxious but i personally love having discussions when it comes to interpretations of films, ESPECIALLY horror. Longlegs is bringing up a lot of different ideas and concepts for things that i havent seen in quite a while and i think thats really neat.

thank you again for humoring this ask! :) one thing i will fight you on is saw 5 being picked over saw 6, how dare you! the shotgun carousel was a masterpiece!

You are all good!! I also love discussing film and don’t mind long asks at all!! In fact this made my day!!! I just didn’t want to answer rude anons lol) I…also just typed a giant response so I’m sorry for not knowing how to be concise

I actually love your analysis! It’s a lot of things I hadn’t really considered! I think my personal gripe with the movie is that I just don’t find satanic motivations in film scary, I was so much more frightened and intrigued when longlegs was just a killer with an odd obsession with the 14th, when he was untraceable by his own power and not ‘the devil.’ Longlegs wanted you to be scared of both longlegs (the killer) and supernatural aspects, and I just lost all fear of the killer when he started being all ‘hail satan,’ it immediately made the character and their motivation entirely uninteresting and overdone. I spend a lot of time watching bad horror movies just to see if the reviews were wrong (sometimes horror gems were so poorly received and written off), and maybe I’ve just seen more horror about the devil than other people and I’m too jaded about it to find longlegs refreshing or new :/

I do love the idea of longlegs not being human and I can totally see that in the film, it could recontextualize the scene where he smashes his face and his nose falls off as an inhumanity rather than like…hey look at how bad plastic surgery is, which is what it came off as to me at first!! I love that line of thought actually!!

I like the idea that longlegs is portrayed as someone who lacks a gender is less with interpretations like yours which are so fun and interesting to examine is there’s JUST as much, if not more room for bad faith interpretations about trans people. I think my gut reaction of ‘oh no this is about a trans coded killer,’ comes from, both the actor confirming they were portraying a character who doesn’t follow traditional gender roles, and also the social climate rn that is SO violent towards trans people. While I love the idea of a killer who embodies evil, I just think a lot of people are going to walk away with the image of another ‘androgynous’ devil worshipping child killer in their heads, which I think was a dangerous choice on Oz and Cage’s parts. I wish they’d gone in a different direction to show inhumanity, maybe make the killers limbs unnaturally long, get rid of the lipstick and make his lips barely visible, instead of big cheeks have bulging eyes. There’s so many directions they could’ve gone that would’ve led me to immediately think “inhuman” and not “trans stereotype,” on my first watch, but I definitely think there’s a lot of room for interpretation and I loveee the idea of longlegs potentially being infected or changed internally/externally due to close contact with evil and the devil, it’s something to think about!

Ok forgive me for yapping about things you didn’t even mention because my other issue with the film was that it dedicated like 5 whole mins to explain, in depth, exactly how the dolls and Lee’s mom work with longlegs. Like. Ok I can give them the devil worshipping, I wish they’d been more creative but that’s not the ultimate sin, I just WISH they’d let me decide how that supernatural element worked for myself, I don’t want you to explain it to me. Same with Lee’s psychic abilities: you just dedicated a pretty creepy scene to showing that Lee could perceive things others can’t, I don’t then need you to tell me ‼️she’s psychic‼️‼️don’t forget‼️just in case you forgot in the last 2 mins ‼️ our main character is a psychic. This is a movie that held my hand because they were so obsessed with what they wrote that it ruined the horror of the unknown, at least for me. But on the other hand, there’s so many plot holes and issues with the story that don’t really fit in the ‘crime horror’ genre. Idk, this movie left a lot of contradictory thoughts in my brain and I think a lot of why I didn’t like was that I’ve just seen so many better horror movies that do all the things this movie does and more. I don’t think it’s bad but…it didn’t live up to the hype. Whoever was in charge of marketing for this movie needs the biggest raise possible lol

(Ok look the traps in saw 6 are so much better but I love Hoffman and Strahms dynamic in 5 they’re so silly goofy…glass coffin…but ur so right shotgun carousel is one of the best traps in the entire franchise)

[tosin-talks]

Tosin Talks about residual symptoms of BPD

I haven’t really directly talked about symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder on my blog because I haven’t felt ready to discuss the real horrors of the disorder; I wasn’t even sure where to start and how to talk about my story. Additionally, I just haven’t been as affected by my symptoms as I used to be. For years, I have been working hard to recover from the diagnosis that I received in 2018 and undiagnosed symptoms that I experienced before then. Recovery is possible and I believe I’ve survived some of the worst parts of the disorder but BPD is a mental illness that greatly impacts one’s thought processes and perception of the world so I still experience the long-term effects of it.

I haven’t had a typical “BPD episode” in about 3-4 months. I don’t think I’ve self-harmed in about 6-7 months and I don't have constant urges to do so either. My reactions and responses are a lot less intense these days which probably means that my mental health has improved. Now that the life-threatening and extremely destructive symptoms aren’t a main issue, I am working on my issues with emotional impermanence, interpersonal relationships, splitting, and chronic emptiness.

I still struggle with the well known BPD concept of a “favorite person”, especially since a long-term relationship recently ended. I try to be cognizant of when I may unconsciously make someone else my new favorite person but it can be difficult to notice since my symptoms aren’t that intense anymore. Now that I process and evaluate my feelings towards someone, it’s not as easy to realize if I just really like and admire them or I’m idealizing them. The downside to when I realize that I might have idealized someone that I’m close to is the devaluation and emptiness that follows. The shift isn’t as grandiose as it used to be and rather than switching from black to white, I move between dark grey and light grey. I’ve been working really hard on not letting others’ thoughts, opinions, and worldviews become my own or heavily impact the way I perceive myself. I used to shapeshift to become whoever I assumed my favorite person wanted me to be. Now, I’m discovering my true self and learning to love her and choose her every time.

I definitely still experience mood swings but the highs and lows aren’t very high or low and they mostly occur on or around my period. Something that’s frustrating to still experience is emotional impermanence. I wish I had a better hold on an emotion and did a better job of remembering that a certain emotion will return. Another symptom that I still occasionally experience is chronic emptiness. I feel what Charles Baudelaire called “ennui”. I feel extremely detached and like I’m watching myself live this silly game of mundanity. I feel disconnected from the city I live in and some of the people I interact with and have little hope of this issue improving. I haven’t yet discovered what triggers my feelings of numbness and emptiness, it’s almost like I’m splitting on life itself. However, I’ve been combatting the emptiness by creating and stimulating my mind. I’ve been reading, learning new things, and writing a lot more.

Sometimes I get disappointed in myself for still experiencing minor symptoms. I understand that BPD can be a lifelong journey even if/when I no longer meet diagnosing criteria but I am fearful that I may never have a healthy, happy, long-term partnership or have my emotions completely in check or feel at home anywhere that I move to. I’m learning to give myself the same grace that I would give a future client or my younger self. I’ve come so far, my progress is definitely observable and I can acknowledge my effort and the results of that hard work. I’m not expected to completely rid myself of over a decade of mental health challenges in just a day. If I’m being honest, I didn’t expect myself to even live this long so I’m simply proud to be alive and sharing my story with you all. 

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or emotional distress, dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or text “HELLO” to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. For more education, advocacy, and support about BPD, visit the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (neabpd.org) and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org).

Background music by Mist3r

[healerelowen]

Healing Elm’s 1 year anniversary!

  Hello Hello my dearest readers! With my blog’s first year anniversary now here, I want to have a bit of a deep discussion about my journey through the year that I’ve been on the Inscryption side of Tumblr. This is going to be a bit of a wild ride, so just hold onto your hats. 

Tw for a bit of talking about sewer slide and self ouchie

So, February in 2022 for me was rough. The months before it were just awful for me and my mental health was down in the dumps. I was not in a very good state of mind. I was very isolated and I had a tendency to neglect my needs and avoid people as much as humanly possible. I was also prone to self harm at the time and I was also struggling with a lot of suicidal thoughts and temptations. And one day, I was thinking about Game Theory’s video on Inscryption that I had listened to a couple months ago because it made good background noise. But this time I wanted to actually listen to it and perceive what it was saying. 

That’s when I remembered Jacksepticeye’s video about it and I rewatched it, and I loved it! I loved everything about it, the story, the characters, the setting, it all was very fascinating to me. So sometime later after playing it, I was neck deep in hyper fixating on it. I wasn’t new to Tumblr at the time, I had been on it for quite some time now, but I never thought about making content myself. That was until I decided to search up Inscryption on Tumblr out of pure curiosity, and oh boy I was not disappointed.

I saw so many amazing things there. Art, writings, fanfiction, silly little rants or shit posts, and I would scroll around on it for hours upon hours. I’m talking from 10pm to 2am. I loved seeing what people had to say, or what to share about this amazing game. I stumbled across a little imagine post that someone made, and I responded to it albeit a bit flustered. I was then thinking about it for a couple days after that, when I thought of an alternate meaning for that post they had made. So I made a post about it, and they replied positively to it! 

This urged me to write my own headcanons and oneshots. The longer I stayed in the fandom, the more and more fanfictions came during the months. This is proven with my archive, with February only containing like three while March has much more, and then April with even more than the last and so on. It wasn’t long until I started making this into more of a passion rather than a small hobby of mine. Which, fun fact, was my original intention because I didn’t think I’d write that much. But here I am 700 posts later in the span of a year.  

I started doing my own ask games, and answering requests given to me. All the while making other things like my own little ideas and oneshots with some art sprinkled here and there. I did this because I found comfort in it. Because for the first time in months, I had found a place where I felt welcome. There was little to no judgment, people were very welcoming and accepting of new ideas and Aus, and it felt more like a home than a small website. I had helped create a welcoming force in the community, which I hadn’t entirely intended to do, but I don’t regret doing so. I made new friends, and I had become a role-model for others in the fandom.

I love this community more than anything, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I have made so many good memories during my time here. My mental health improved greatly, I was eating more consistently and I kept myself more clean and organized. In fact, my self harm rate went from every couple days to once in the span of four months. I personally think this is a massive improvement on my end. But I most certainly couldn’t have done it without this community. You’ve all been so supportive and as cliche’ as it may sound, I truly couldn’t have done it without all of you amazing people. So for that, I must thank you, for being the caring people that you all are towards not just to me, but to everyone else who also enjoys what I do. 

While yes, it’s true that things will never be the same when I first came here, that’s fine by me. So long as this community keeps flowing like it has, I’ll be just fine. I’ve seen many creators here come and go, some were close friends while others were not. I still loved their content all the same, and I will never forget the inspiration they gave me to start writing my own ideas and sharing them with others. It honestly doesn’t feel like only a year has gone by, it really feels like five years just flew right past me. It feels like I’ve been here for so long, and I’ve seen so much happen in this fandom.            

I’m very happy here, I love writing and drawing and messing around with mutuals on here. It’s all been a great experience and I hope that there will be more going forward. For a single year, I had just about the best damn moments of my life and all of it was because of random people on the internet who liked the same game as me, people that I’ve grown to love and care for. What’s funny is that when I first came here I was actually considered to be ‘baby’ and just starting out (mostly because of my height of 4 '10 but we don’t talk about that-) to now being seen as a more older figure in the community. How time flies. 

Thank you all, and have a good rest of your day/night! 

[orchidyoonkook]

What's your opinion on authors who create original characters as this idolized (or would it be idealized) version of themselves?

The same way I do about authors who write yandere or dark fiction, or other potentially taboo/potentially uncomfortable subject matter. Not that writing idealized versions of self falls under those categories. I just hold them within the same opinion.

As long as authors keep a check on their mental health, and use this style of writing to explore new themes or uncomfortable topics, or as a form of self therapy that isn’t harmful to the author. Then there’s no harm in it.

Folks today are so focused on the love yourself as you are mindset that lots of them think it’s shameful to want to change or not like parts of themselves. When there’s nothing wrong with that if it’s something you truly want. It’s also perfectly fine to want to love yourself as you are and work towards that. But that’s not what this question is about. And also for folks who cannot physically improve the things they may not like to whatever limits may be in their way like disabilities, etc, maybe fic and writing is the only place they can.

Ex: I have a working memory disability and I hate it. It makes my life extremely difficult and I constantly need to write things down in order to remember them. If I write a character who is just like me, but has an eidetic memory, just because I may find it cathartic to write about someone who is so similar to me but doesn’t have my issues. I don’t see the harm in that. Again, just a quick thought up example. But my point is in it.

If writing is the only place you’re able to be who you truly want to be, or strive to be, whether that’s a perfect idealized version of yourself in a silly little fic or elsewhere in writings. Then by all means! Again, as long as it’s being done in a healthy and cathartic way, what’s the big deal?

People take fic and writing online way to serious nowadays. And then when Readers read something they don’t like or perceive as wrong because it made them uncomfortable, or because it isn’t how they thought a character would look like or act like, they berate and attack the author like it’s the authors fault they chose to read what they read. (Once again to cover my ass. This is not a blanket statement for all readers. This is just a pattern I have seen in the community)

Fic is a community thing for sure. Absolutely. It’s the readers of fic and interact with it that are a large part of why the community continues to persevere. You (general use) are one of the driving forces that are holding the fic community together. But that doesn’t give Readers the right to tell an author how they should create and write their characters.

Of course unless what the author is doing is very clearly morally wrong without cause, ie: an underage person with an overage person. And this statement isn’t be all end all. It’s a small paragraph on a tumblr text post so of course I won’t be able to cover every single point of “what if this” or “what if that”. That’s where I get to rely on you (general usage) as a reader to understand my meaning in so many words.

Readers have the power when it comes to what they consume. I cannot, as an author, force you to read my writing, or writing with dark themes, or writing with happy themes, or anything. I also cannot force you not to. And I cannot force you to to like or dislike what you read. You chose what you read. Just like the author chooses what they write.

All I can do is say that sometimes people just need their outlet space. And that readers should really be thoughtful about their word choice when giving an author feedback. Constructive criticism is generally welcomed when it’s put in a caring manner where you genuinely wanna help.

Ex: “hey. Maybe don’t do this // do this when you’re writing ____ topic next time, it will help it be more historically accurate!”

Vs

“Why the fuck would you write XYZ happened in ____. Are you dense? That clearly didn’t happen did you even do any research?”

See the difference?

Once again, to round up this novelette of an answer: There’s nothing wrong with it. Everybody is their own person and can control what they consume from media. Read the warnings if the thing you’re reading has them. Be a conscience consumer. And lastly,

Don’t be a dick. Kindness cures.

[pennzance]

Ghostbusters: Port Huron (Episode 5)

Episode 5: The Corn Maize

Date: August 15th, 1998

Excerpt from recording of a conference call between Ben Daily (Manager, MIGBDT), Julius ‘General’ Kaine (Manager, MIGBFL), and Stephen Kaye (Manager, MIGBPH)

Ben: “Stephen, it’s for a good cause.”

Stephen: “I’m all for charity work, Ben, but I just don’t see how this idea could be considered safe.”

Ben: “We’ve been doing this for the last few years. Look, we all have a bunch of spooks locked up in our containment grids, all you need to do is find one that isn’t overly violent and donate it for a few weeks. We have the procedures in place for handing over certain specters, as well as the paperwork all hashed out. We can even loan you some tech if you need it.”

Stephen: “I see the appeal of an ‘actually haunted corn maze,’ but-“

Julius: “Stephen, if you have safety concerns, I get it. You guys just opened, but I’m here to tell you the last few months we’ve seen a spike in violent hauntings. I’ll bet your team hasn’t really encountered any ghosts they might consider ‘kid friendly.’”

Stephen: “Yes, the reports my team have been filing have leaned more toward the violent and harrowing rather than some silly scares. I’m afraid I don’t really have much I can safely contribute.”

Julius: “It’s fine, Stephen. Ben’s just really into this whole giving back thing. Plus, the tax break they get from the county isn’t anything to sneeze at either.”

Ben: “Julius, please. It isn’t about the money for me. It’s almost like… I mean it can be a chance to rehabilitate some of these ghosts we catch. I have the ghost of a birthday clown who loves kids, even if he scares the bajeezus out of them. Hayrides, corn mazes and Halloween are his chances to do that. It gives him some peace and in return we get a chance to study him in a bit more detail.”

Julius: “Not the only spook you like studying, is he?”

Ben: “Julius-“

Stephen: “Studying the phenomena we encounter is certainly part of the charter. It can help us identify trends and predict spikes in activity that may be related to larger threats we cannot yet perceive. I appreciate that this… ‘loaner program’ has a lot of benefits, Ben, but I just cannot think of an entity we have encountered yet that would fit the bill of what you’re looking for. Scientific pursuits are all well and good, but not at the risk of safety.”

Julius: “Alright, matter settled. What about our upcoming shindig?”

Ben: “… (unintelligible)… Stephen, have you been read in on this?”

Stephen: “I’ve only heard about this through the grapevine. Fill me in on the details?

Ben: “Wayne County is asking for us all directly. It’s a big job. We’ll need to coordinate resources and teams.”

Julius: “Here’s what I’m thinking-“

Excerpt ends.

[unohanadaydreams]

More re-read live blog bc I got hit with Mayuri and Kenpachi right after another so how can I leave that for later.

I think Kubo immersed Szayelaporro in the religious motifs right down to this point that he does multiple times. Like a righteous believer of faith, he believes he is beyond having a finger point back at him. Except all of his faith is purely in himself, he suffers not on a physical cross, but on his own faults, and it is pure irony that he must see a sword pointed back at his hand for a hundred years.

Sorry you had to fall on your own righteous sword, king.

Not only does Grimmjow say in the plainest terms without saying it outright that he wants Ichigo dead partly because of his friends being dead, but he also refuses to let Ichigo act as though he DOESNT want to fight Grimmjow. That he doesn’t hold a lot of resentment and anger at the Arrancar for threatening the people he cares about.

Don’t be so holier than thou. You want Ulquiorra dead for tarnishing Orihime’s reputation. You want Grimmjow dead for tarnishing your pride. You’re not above fighting to fight or you’d already be sprinting away to get the fuck out of endless night Dodge.

Also the 1000 years bit makes me SHXHSKJWHDIS because if only we had more of these clues to the next main arc sprinkled in.

What about before the 1000 years? Perhaps, is the endless cycle of shinigami and hollows something Yamamoto helped create to establish Shinigami’s seemingly ageless position as The protectors of balance and souls.

This is SO FUCKING FUNNY. The moments before we find out that Nelliel is not a toddler fucking kill me because this tall ass man is bragging about fucking up a child the size of his face.

And the first time you read this manga you’re left to wonder if she was like the Light Yagami of fucking toddlers for her to make it as an Espada.

He says this, but more accurately, he can’t stand that Nelliel is the only one to give him the time of day and he STILL can’t beat her, despite her casual kindness toward him that is obviously something hollows view as weakness.

I’m not sure when Harribel became an espada, but I don’t think Nnoitra ever tries to fuck her up so idk Nnoitra. Seems like ur pulling the usual bruised ego card and blaming the closest woman you can latch on to for your emotional problems and inability to move upward in a system where stagnation equals fucking death.

You’re closer to him than you are to her. You’re flailing around like an animal and she scolds you in between teaching you new tricks. And you hate her for every looking at you. For staying her hand. For giving you chances and advice and looking you in the eye.

This what happens when you don’t put a rabid animal down miss Nelliel especially when he begs you to do it constantly.

But for real, I think Nelliel just straight up was never going to last as an espada even if Nnoitra hadn’t done this.

Him playing dirty is less about him and more about how Nelliel was brought low by her delusion that the espada were a new, more civilized group of beings under Aizen. She doesn’t anticipate this sort of thing, because she projects her own values of dignity and honor on to even the most unstable of her peers and subordinates—like Nnoitra.

I mean, it for sure illustrates further his massive insecurity and desperation to be SEEN as stronger even if he has to do so by dishonest means. But the main jist of this flashback definitely seems to be that Nelliel was not just prey to Nnoitra and her attitude aided in her downfall.

She just wanted to eat with her lovable oafs 😔

Weird how….how they both…..have huge monster men…..at their beck and call…..

You think they bond over their love of bara monsters but in like the most veiled and insulting way so they can pretend they’re using them for science and willful cruelty instead of lusting after men who could break them in half.

Weird how he cares about Tesla when he’s built like a fucking luxury car stacked on hooves. Make your monster fucking show a little less, Nnoitra.

I’m kidding, I just love how much Kubo is committed to giving us heavily repressed men. Fucking delicious.

[goodnightmemes]

TIK TOK SENTENCE STARTERS PART FOUR

some of these are quotes from tiktok creators, and some are from various other forms of media that were popular audios/trends on tiktok

❛ Welcome to Barnes and Nooo-OOOOOO! ❜

❛ Worry not my brother, I am simply vibing with these flowers. ❜

❛ The thing is - she made fun of me for getting capri-suns, and then she drank EIGHT of MY capri-suns! ❜

❛ You’re in your 20s and you're arguing over capri-suns. ❜

❛ Mom, either you ground her or I fight her. So there’s two options, and my fists are already up. ❜

❛ I saw that! Justice doesn’t sleep. ❜

❛ You’ve been bamboozled. ❜

❛ They stamped my tortilla. They stamped my tortilla with an expiration date. ❜

❛ I’m just a baby. I’M JUST A BABY! ❜

❛ I presently have the work ethic and motivation of a lobotomized sloth and there is not enough caffeine, cocaine, girl boss vibes, or positive energy in the perceived universe to change that, AND YET bills must be paid. Go forth and seize the day. ❜

❛ See, if you title your file “ultra-secret” we got a problem. ❜

❛ It’s vegan cause it’s strawberry milk and not like cow milk. You know what I mean? ❜

❛ Show me the tit on a strawberry. ❜

❛ This is like my millionth time saying this, but I’m in love you…until Han Solo shows up. ❜

❛ I thought I recorded the whole thing but it turns out I just took a panorama. ❜

❛ Oh man, that’s cra- I don’t give a shit about that. At all. ❜

❛ And uhh, yeah dude, that dude just beat the shit out of me. Just fucking fucked me up. It was wild. ❜

❛ Hahaha - No. No, but it’s not funny at the end of the day, is it? It’s serious. ❜

❛ This is Let It Gopher. The lady who found him thought he was a gopher snowman but he’s actually a cat. ❜

❛ This is Death by Chocolate Lab. He has three legs and seven eyes. So he’s either cursed or really weird. But no one's died yet, so we’re leaning towards weird. ❜

❛ You’re talking about MY OUTFIT and you’re wearing RIPPED SKINNY JEANS?! You’re wearing RIPPED SKINNY JEANS!! ❜

❛ I’m out here spray painting my golden tongs, right?, and I accidentally fucking spray painted a rollie pollie! *crying* I’m sorry!! ❜

❛ Well, shit. What are y’all doing? Screwing? ❜

❛ Instead of having some sort of crisis about it; which would be pfffttt silly; I just quit my job and flew to Scotland, with no money, or plans, or friends in the city. ❜

❛ I’m going to fuck your dad and give him a child he actually loves. ❜

❛ She’s out there in it shitting! What are you doing?! It’s a hurricane out there!!! ❜

❛ I have been doing much more than fraternizing with him, sir. ❜

❛ And there I lie, in my failure, and the freezing snow. ❜

❛ I took a deep breath and I went to where anyone would go to find the real answer for anything. I went to reddit. ❜

❛ You have to be 21 to drink but only 8 to summon the devil? ❜

❛ Piggy dippin! Piggy dippin at the piggy pond! You went sausage swimming in the water bowl, you dip them fat little toes in there. Chubba bun! ❜

❛ I most definitely have a list of rules that people must follow if they want to be my murderer. ❜

❛ I am NOT a middle kill. I am either the one that got you started, the one that ignited your bloodlust; or I’m the one that finally quenches that thirst. ❜

❛ You know, that’s my shower curtain from Japan, you stupid ass bitch. ❜

❛ Stop drinking normal milk! Are you - are you a criminal?! ❜

❛ I’ve narrowed it down to three things that could be going on inside that little head. Number one: Infinite knowledge. Smarter than the universe. Option two: Nothing. All floof, no brain. Option three: Plotting my demise. ❜

❛ You’re looking at Grade A Dad Material. USDA prime dad. ❜

❛ “Oh I’m so sad. I’m so depressed.” When’s the last time you had a fudgecicle? You say you’re depressed but you haven’t had a fudgcicle in like eight years. ❜

❛ It’s pretty hard to become good at things, but I’m really good at two things. One is snacks, number two is just being nervous. ❜

❛ So you make this every night of the week for your first– for your husband that you want to kill, because this will clog his arteries. ❜

❛ Alright. Welcome, hoes I’m gonna get with, and hoes I already got with. Welcome to this conference on climate change. ❜

❛ When I get upset, or mildly depressed, I go out and buy a spiderman shirt. ❜

[fernthefanciful]

A princess is a creature of grace, poise, decorum. They are soft, gentle, patient. I, however, was none of those things, much to my parents’ despair.

 They only brought that upon themselves, of course. A firstborn daughter, a royal invitation to greet the new monarch not sent, and therefore an insult perceived by a powerful magical being. You know how the story goes. I was cursed and, in my story, there were no blessings to gentle it. No other wishes for my future, or what little she left of it. Just a creature of shadow and talon which appeared, damned the bright vision my parents had of my life, and vanished.

  My childhood was a moderately happy one, even with the dark cloud of the curse hanging forever in my periphery. My parents loved me. My sisters, when they were born, did the same. And I of course love them with all that I am. My parents hired tutors, made sure I learned what it meant to be a monarch, made sure I was prepared for a future of rule. They simply made sure my sister learned as well.

  “Just in case.” My father would say, his gaze flitting across the empty hallways as if something unseen was always listening, always watching.

  And when I got too restless, when the green of the forest and the blue of the lake called to me and I couldn’t help but give in to the need to run, to chase, they took me riding. We’d make trips, have picnics, run around on the heather-filled fields and watch the sky change her colour with the setting sun. For the longest time, we were as happy as we could be.

  My eighteenth birthday was a beautiful and clear full moon night. The air rife with the scents of fresh bread and roasted meats of the feast held in honour of my coming of age. Gentle and joyful music filled the ballroom as people danced and laughed all night.

In an empty hallway, as far away from people as I could get, I screamed and cried as my body tore itself apart. As the wildness that had always lived inside of me wanted out. The howl that tore from my newly changed throat was loud enough to wake the entire city.

  I should have been terrified. I should be lamenting the turn my life had taken, all the things I now no longer could do. I should have felt all of those things. But when I made my way out of the castle and into the forest, the ground soft underneath my paws, the silver moonlight a gentle caress on my fur, I couldn’t help but think that his curse tasted a lot like freedom.

  The wildness that had always lived inside of me, the parts that longed to shed the tight clothing and even tighter responsibilities of nobility, were torn from the inner shadow where I had hidden them and shoved into the light. The parts of me that wished to run, to hunt, to feast, finally had a chance to be free.

  Things changed after that.

  Now, people are wary, afraid. My parents try, they really do. To teach me to act normal, ladylike, human. It’s of no use. The wolf lurks under my skin, peering out of my eyes.

People whisper about how much of a waste it is, such a shame, that a curse has changed me so. They don’t see, they don’t understand. The wolf, the wildness, the hunger, has always been there. It is me, the deepest parts of my soul given physical form.

  Life goes on. My sister, perfect, composed, kind, steps into the limelight. Or is pushed, I should say. To placate those who question my place at Court. Meanwhile I am forced into the background. An animal in the shadows meant to be forgotten.

  My wolf balks at the idea of corsets, of rules, of restriction. Doesn’t understand the need for playing nice with nobles it doesn’t like. She’s a creature of instinct, simplicity, and therefore, so am I.

  I spend my days roaming the grounds, protecting what is mine. The people of the city avert their eyes as I go past. Whisper about curses and how they spread, about what it means for the Kingdom that their princess is now a different creature altogether.

My wolf claims the entirety kingdom as her territory and as I get older, I travel further. Checking in daily with the people on the far edges of the lands. The misfits and the outcasts. The ones with wisdom and magic who have been pushed towards the edges of the kingdom long before I was born. Hatred and fear pushed us all here, to the lands where the briar grows three men tall. Where the trees and the shadows move on their own and where the water of the lake is always smooth, no matter how fierce the storm.

I help where I can, chasing off the foxes for the farmers, climbing trees to hang fetches and talismans for protection, bringing food to those who need it most. Most time is spent drinking tea and discussing life with the old lady whom everyone calls ‘witch’. She teaches me all she knows. Things the tutors at the castle never knew to teach me. About the plants and trees that grow, the animals that roam deep within the forest. About life here, on the outskirts of society, and all the peoples and creatures that are part of it. Here, the people look me in the eye. They bow their heads in respect but never in fear. The bravest of the children ask to card their hands through my fur. The old woman laughingly gifts me a crown of twigs and burrs and rowanberries the colour of blood. Every time I’m in my human skin I wear that crown with pride.

  One day, deep within the forest at the edge of my territory, I meet her. The being who has brought all that was hidden within me to the front and then illuminated it. I shift back to human, standing before her, naked and open, but never vulnerable, thanks to her. I thank her for the gifts she has given me. For the freedom and power and strength. The look on her face when I name her fairy godmother is priceless.

  She smiles at me then, a flash of razor-sharp teeth. I bare my own fangs back at her. She asks me then, if I understand. How they are being treated. Those who do not fit in, those who are made of wildness and shadow and blood. How they are shunned because of what they are.

  She tells me this will change, once I am queen. When I tell her that I never will be, that my parents will never find a match for me, she simply laughs and tells me not to worry. After all, I have a fairy godmother now.

  She keeps close after that. Always watching, always near, but never interfering. Not unless I ask her to. So when war, inevitably, finds itself at our borders, I ask for her aid. I stand in the middle of the bloodied battlefield, staring at the incoming forces. The wolf in me is itching underneath my skin. She wishes to hunt, to kill, to feel flesh rip underneath her claws, blood filling her mouth as she tears them apart. So I call out to my fairy godmother, asking if she would join me for a hunt, before I shed my skin along with my humanity and charge forward.

  The battle is brutal and short. The enemy army is better trained, but not against the army of outcasts led by myself and my fairy godmother. Their swords and shields quickly fall against our teeth, claws and magic.

Afterwards, I greet my father on the battlefield. Bare and covered in blood. There is fear in his eyes, yes, but also respect. And, for the first time, trust.

  Things change once again. I am brought back into the castle, but nothing is the same. I spend most of my time in the forests, still, but I also find myself fighting. Training with weapons other than tooth and claw. Weathered old men, tutors, hired by my father to teach me all they know. I learn how much I don’t know, how much there is still to learn. I earn my scars, even if they never stay for long. I earn their respect, even if it is hard won. I am no longer alone, some of my people from the outskirts join me and never leave their princess’ side.

  It doesn’t take long before suitors come from all over the world, wishing to marry one of my sisters. Singing praises about the small kingdom that could so quickly put an end to war. That could tame monsters and wild things. Silly men, none of us were tamed, we simply chose to fight.

  My parents and sisters work hard to get the most advantageous matches. To make sure that both the kingdom and my sisters will continue to grow and prosper. Bargains are struck, feasts are had. One by one my sisters move away, happy with their chosen husbands. All of them are visited by a giant wolf at least once. They know to treat my sisters well, or one night feel the sharp tips of my fangs against their throat.

  Years later I am gifted another crown. It is a beautiful thing. Delicate golden flowers and bright shining gems. It feels uncomfortable to me the way all pretty things do. “It might not suit you,” my father tells me, “but you have earned it.”

“As you have earned your rest.” I tell him.

“You will be wonderful, my Queen.”

  Rumors start spreading, about the Wolfqueen, the Wild One, sitting upon a blood-red throne. About the Kingdom of monsters where beasts, fae and man live free. About the Queen with the Iron Heart, who turns away all who wish to court her, and kills all who dare more.

  It’s not that I do not want someone at my side. I do. I wish for the love that my parents share. That my sisters eventually found with their husbands. But all those who come for my hand, those who finally dare when I have no more free sisters left, come for just that. My hand but not my heart. They are all poised and polished. Perfect little princes who look towards the wealth of the castle but away from the wildness within me. They are afraid to meet my wolf’s cold, assessing gaze.

  Some even try to change me, to find the human underneath the wolf. They only try once.

  For years, I rule alone. Through another war, through a plague born of magic, through prosperity and abundance. My people always by my side but no one to claim my heart.

  But then, a commotion. A man, dressed in furs. No scars on his body, but plenty on his soul. His eyes glowing the same gold as mine in the gentle torchlight. A wildness in them that my wolf recognizes. A challenge that my wolf is eager to take, to rise up to.

  “Your Oracle told me to come here.” He tells me, “I asked for guidance, to find what my heart truly desires, and she sent me to you.”

  My fairy godmother steps up behind me, laying a hand on my shoulder. I can’t see her, but I know she is smiling a smile of sharp pointed teeth. No doubt the oracle he speaks of.

  “My Queen,” he continues, bowing deep, his eyes never leaving mine, “I came looking for connection, for freedom. I believe I will find it with your time and your company. Will you grant me it?”

  “And what, my prince,” for if my fairy godmother sent him, he can only be that, “will you grant me in return?” I lean forward, eager, hungry.

  “Loyalty,” he steps forward, onto the dais, “companionship and understanding.” He leans over me for a single, challenging moment, before kneeling before me, baring his throat. “Perhaps in time even love. But for now, the thrill of a hunt. Of a chase.” He grins, baring sharp fangs. A breath, and a beautiful black-furred wolf sits in front of me.

Oh – the hunt is on. A thrill goes through me as I shift, ready to run, to chase him down and claim him for my own. For if one thing is certain, it is that I am a wild thing, a Queen, a hunter, but never, ever, prey.

(First posted on my website)

[multiplefandomsblog]

request; Can I request Nagito, Kokichi, and Rantaro with an s/o that has a hard time understanding why someone feels a certain emotion in situations?

pairing(s); rantaro x gn!reader, nagito x gn!reader, kokichi x gn!reader

warnings; blood, violence, broken noses, strong language, kind of angsty — sorry that nagito's is super long- i started off with him and i haven't written in a long time so i just shit all over the place, fluff at kokichi, i have mood swings I'm so sorry about the whiplash you are about to witness

note; yesss i am back to finish these requests yurrrrrr sjansjdhfbasdkjfds I'm not gonna make a big announcement or anything(I'm still trying to figure out how to balance everything in my life rn, so I'm sorry for people who are waiting on me—) , just gonna spit out as many finished requests as i can, sorry for the abrupt pause of everything by the wayz ill be (hopefully) regularly posting works from now on.

(also this request was kind of vague, so i used the example of someone getting upset/angry and reader not understanding why; i hope that's okay :'))

Nagito Komaeda

◊ I think Nagito would understand your struggles more than anyone else.

◊ And… honestly, it kind of reassures him that you share a struggle with him. It makes him feel less alone, less like the odd one out.

◊ Being similar to someone like you in any way, even if it was a genuinely difficult and real struggle; was a blessing in disguise for someone as lowly as him.

◊ Getting that out of the way, Nagito would never see your struggle as what it is. The way he views you, how highly he puts you up on a pedestal, as well as how much hope he believes you to hold; he, at first*, won't help you at all with your struggles.

◊ As a strong believer of hope overcoming despair, good defeating bad; Nagito is positive that the struggles you hold will always be defeated, bludgeoned into a despairing sludge by your all-mighty hope.

◊ And at first, he won't even think of this as a bad thing! You should be proud of it, of course, unless it stirs despair within you.

◊ * That being said, if he sees you struggling with your inability to understand human reactions to an awful point, he would put his obsession with hope aside, and focus on trying to help you as your boyfriend.

◊ Though I'm afraid, he wouldn't be much of a help, because he gets stuck on this one too.

◊ If you ever unintentionally angered someone, however, and/or provoked them to potentially hurt you; he'd immediately step in and lay the damp washcloth of apologies on the accidental fire you had set.

◊ Though there is a high chance, he'll make it worse by saying something he hadn't intended to sound condescending. It just came out that way.

◊ Nagito would never put your well-being before his insatiable need for you to accelerate and empower your hope.

◊ He's your boyfriend before he is your admirer of hope.

— "What...? How can you- how can you be so calm!?" Confusion, fear, and intimidation seemed to overwhelm you as you stepped back, eyebrows creased in utmost confusion as the person before you, seemed to have been angered by your wording.

Suddenly, you had started repeating and reversing over what you had previously said, scanning your wording for things that could have been perceived as offensive; only to grow even more confused as you had found none.

"I... What? Are you... are you mad at me or something?" Your genuine tone of voice, as well as the genuine look of confusion on your face, had been blurred and unnoticed as the ugly emotion of anger seemed to destroy their human senses— and the person had unfortunately taken your question as an insult.

Without another word, the sickening crunch of flesh and bone hitting flesh and bone echoed throughout the trial room. Flesh and bone that had thankfully, and unfortunately, hadn't belonged to you.

"Holy- Someone hold them back!"

"There's... no need for that...!"

Turns out Nagito took the hit for you.

He peeled the hand tending to his nose away from his face, revealing the nasty bruising and the blood dripping down his nostril—despite the gruesome sight of it all, he still seemed to be smiling. Smiling as if something amazing had just happened, and he was dying from the joy he had been feeling.

He wasted no time to spew out whatever he could think of, despite the shock and adrenaline from getting a broken nose, he still fought through the struggle to speak properly, as well as merely breathing without immense pain.

It was like second nature to him, to steer the blame and the aggression away from you—even if it almost killed him. Anything... to protect his hope.

"Haha, this is... Whatever you need to achieve your hope, whether it be a good old-fashioned beat-down or... murder;" a laugh crossing the line to psychotic erupted from Nagito's scratchy throat.

"I personally invite you all—especially (name)—to bruise me up and brutally murder me for your pleasure, and your hop!" —all at the expense of him making sure no one gets the chance to lay a single finger laid onto you.

◊ He loves you, and he swears this is out of (mostly) good intention <3?

◊ i- i think i lost it somewhere in the middle

Rantaro Amami

◊ Literally, the most understanding, supportive, and comforting man you will ever meet and have as an emotional support boyfriend when you struggle with humans and just... humans.

◊ For first impressions, Rantaro will remain as understanding as he already had been, and is. If he visibly sees you struggle with the reactions of others to specific situations, he'd never start up shit, as well as assume you mean something bad immediately. He will always give you the benefit of the doubt, and the fact that he loves you may have been a factor — but I swear, he does this with everyone else too.

◊ If you ever responded/reacted to something that normal human beings usually respond differently, Rantaro would definitely notice, but he wouldn't say anything until he had his suspicions confirmed — and until someone else decided to get pissy or upset about it.

◊ If you ever get into a conflict with someone about how you seem emotionless( even though you're really not ), Rantaro will always be there to defend you and back you up. The first thing he would do is try to understand your side, then their side, and then try to see how the two fit together, and how you both grew to have your reaction.

◊ Most conflicts and arguments end peacefully, at fault to Rantaro's experience of being exposed to many personality types(his sisters), and completely normal and human struggles(also his sisters).

◊ Though, notice how I said most.

◊ Some situations and arguments, really can't be resolved, nor looked past—especially when personal, and very strong feelings are involved. You really can't avoid it when people are still grieving.

◊ But even so, Rantaro will remain a mediator and a peace-keeper until the end; he doesn't and never has enjoyed violence or super over-the-line arguments.

— "N- no, I a- actually don't understand...! I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, shut up! No one's believing that crap!" The shock and the hurt from their words had visibly affected you — the disbelief and their rage hadn't done anything to calm your anxiety from not having understood what had been wrong.

Rantaro would intrude on the one-sided argument, a gentle yet nervous smile on his face as he tried to put some distance between you and the person who had gotten offended. "Hey now, I understand you're upset, but it'll be safer for all of us if you don't insult them. I'm sure this was just a big misunderstanding... let's sit down, yeah?"

◊ If you ever feel frustrated or upset about a past interaction with someone he had reacted in a way you hadn't expected, feel free to expect Rantaro to be there for you with his comfort. Whether it be assurances, hugs, or just a listening ear; he'll be there for you.

◊ He may not understand your struggles to an extreme extent, but he will try his best to empathize with you and to understand you; and if he doesn't? That's okay. Because he still has cuddles + listening to you rant as his plan B solution on getting your frustrations out.

Kokichi Ouma

◊ Kokichi... doesn't understand you at all.

◊ It's second nature to him to react abnormally or to over-exaggerate towards something that probably shouldn't have gained a reaction like that — but that doesn't necessarily mean that had been his true reaction from the start.

◊ They're lies, well, most of it.

◊ When Kokichi notices your confusion, or if you come to him about your frustrations; he won't believe you at first. It's a stupid thing to not trust someone about, yeah, but he lies all the time about this kind of thing — so not only would he feel terrible if you were telling the truth about your real struggle, he would-

◊ Oh, you're telling the truth?

◊ ... Oh.

◊ Well, of course, he feels horrible for his past faked reactions and lies. A part of him believes it to be his fault entirely, whilst the larger, louder part of him believes it to be someone else's fault.

◊ And he's a liar; so of course, he'll lie. To himself, at least.

◊ "Wha—!? Who's been confusing my beloved? Gimme names and I'll get 'em!"

◊ He's not much of a listener, nor a person who really just... talks about serious shit. So despite not wanting to talk directly about serious things, as well as not being the best at comforting you in a 'serious' manner, he has his own little way of dimming your frustrations with human beings.

◊ He won't show it, nor will he mention it, but he does try to be more transparent with you; as well as tries to be less confusing when talking and/or interacting with you.

◊ The reactions are dimmed down, and despite that, he still continues to be silly and still continues to joke around — just not in a way that'll frustrate or confuse you(ish). He's all about getting reactions out of you, especially frustration but, he wouldn't purposely augment your anxiety about this type of thing.

◊ ^^ If he was to do that, however, he would always tell you it was a lie afterwards. After all— despite enjoying the thought of you thinking of him all week—he doesn't want you stressing and/or overthinking about it for the rest of the week.

◊ Kokichi definitely feels guilty of your struggles, however, they may have not blossomed directly from him, he still feels horrible for triggering it? You? — look- what he's trying to say is, he feels awful, and he hadn't meant to make your struggle with understanding other human beings, worse.

◊ Though there are times he does find your confusion and gullibility to be sort of entertaining in a way, but he would constantly feel bad about finding pleasure in your frustration.

◊ Kind of bad.

— "Nishishi! I'm just saying, if someone took a fat shit on my lawn, I would thank them—"

"Wh- Seriously.. ? Why??"

◊ He finds it hilarious how you seem to take his words to heart, but of course, fun comes to an end as he says—

— "Nope! It's a lie!"

[murphslass]

Nervous Much?

Pt.2 >> Pt.3 >>> Pt.4

Warnings: teasing, flirting, jealousy, fluff, plus sized!reader, slight angst

GIF Creds: @londoncapsule

Being someone on the heavier side always made you feel different. Either all eyes were on you or not even in your direction, especially when it came to men. You had been craving some sort of attention from guys but no one ever gave you time. Except weirdos who were more interested in you as an experience or just a chubby chaser. It was seriously so degrading and annoying.

You currently worked at a bar serving drinks and had a massive crush on the bartender Negan. He was gorgeous and such a charmer. He put the flirt mode on everytime he saw you or any other woman. So you always never took his words seriously whenever he would sweet talk you.

Saturday night was really busy like always, drunk frat boys and annoying girls all thirsty. These nights tired you out the most when going back and forth from the bar to tables. Drinks were super heavy and orders were growing complicated. Your break couldn’t come any sooner as one of the bartenders told you it was time. You silently thanked goodness as you placed your tray down. Going towards the back of the bar you stood outside and cursed under your breath.

“Fuck me…”

“Well don’t mind if I do sweet lips.”

You jumped at the voice and saw Negan smoking on the bench. You felt yourself getting flustered at his comment but remained calm on the outside.

“Sorry, didn’t know anyone else was out here.”

“Don’t apologize. I could use a beautiful gal’s company.”

You let out a giggle as moves to make room on the bench for you. Your feet felt instant relief as you sat down after hours of serving.

“Damn babygirl, you seem all worn out. They murdering you in there?”

“You have no idea. But I guess you’ll find out once you finish your cigarette.”

He chuckles as he takes a drag. Your eyes couldn’t help but wander to his pursed lips and how they parted to blow out the toxic smoke.

“See something you like babe?”

“Nope.”

You say quickly and turn away from him. Suddenly you felt anxious as Negan moved close and brought his arm to rest behind your shoulders.

“Wow. You must be so fucking on edge. You like me that much that I just get you all flustered in shit. Gotta say that shit is refreshing and adorable!”

He laughed loudly as you fiddled with your tank top and tried to look at his face. But you couldn’t help that remaining in eye contact made you feel tingly. Especially with that smile and it made you want to smile. Slowly your lips curled and he seemed happy with myself.

“Oh shit! There’s that pretty smile I’ve been dying to see. Look at you, such a fucking treat.”

You laugh and feeling more relaxed as he made comments.

“I know you probably gotta go back in soon but before you do could I borrow your phone? I actually lost mine in my truck.”

“Sure. Let me help.”

Negan stood with you and put out the cigarette as you followed him to his car. He unlocked the doors and called himself on your phone. As you tried listening for his phone you saw him pull it out of his pocket.

“Oh silly me. It was on me, but hey look here. I got some cute girl’s phone number now.”

You couldn’t say much as he saved your number and show that he put you in his phone as “Sweetcakes🍑” It made you feel all warm inside and maybe even a but confident. But that could wait as you realize your break was over. Rushing back inside and continuing labor for the drunks, you felt more at ease as Negan began his shift. He would look over towards you with a grin and made drinks.

After a few hours and growing close to closing up you saw a girl desperately flirting with Negan. She was the only few left in the building and it made you feel anger. The way he was looking at her and smiling at her made you feel sad. Was he really just pulling your strings for a quick fuck or was it just being nice. Gradually the last few left except the girl and you had to approach her.

“Excuse me ma’am. But were closed now.”

“I’m not done with my drink yet sweetie.”

“I can see that but it’s late and we all want to go home.”

“Fine then. Meet me outside you handsome devil.”

Your fingers gripped at your tray as you masked the jealousy you felt. She walked with an obvious sway in her hips and turned to wink at Negan.

“You can go Negan. I’ll clean up the bar and close up.”

“What makes you think I wanna leave?”

“Well your dates leaving isn’t she?”

“Oh please. I only flirt whenever I know the tip is gonna be huge. And boy did she tip.”

He said as held up the fifty dollars she left for his service. You still couldn’t shake the bad feeling she brought.

“Oh! I get it now. You’re jealous aren’t you?”

“I am not!”

You say as you wiped off the bar top with a damp rag. He giggled to himself as he dried glasses and watched you closely. The music played low in the background as you finish organizing everything. Negan followed and turned off all the lights, you both met the exit and locked the door. As you stepped out you wanted say something to Negan but that girl was outside waiting for him.

“Hey sexy. Wanna take me home?”

Negan cleary felt uncomfortable as she touched his arm and got a little too close. You were about to walk away before Negan took a hold on your wrist.

“Sorry. But my girlfriend and I are heading home. However, I did appreciate the tip.”

“Are fucking kidding me? You and this fucking whale?”

“Hey now, no need for disrespect missy.”

You felt nervous as he forcefully pulled you by the waist to toward his body.

“Ready to go home baby?”

Before you could answer he brought you into a deep heated kiss. You gasp against his lips and melted into him. Your concentration left as he held you so protectively and carefully. You let out a noise when he pulled away and you saw the girl stomp away. He laughed as walked you to your car and kept his hold on you. The courage you had left as you couldn’t face him after such a kiss.

“So can I expect another kiss?”

“From me?”

“Of course you sugar lips. Besides I hope you didn’t mind me calling mine. But if you like me as you perceive to, I think you’d like to be mine baby.”

You didn’t have much to say as you lean your back against your car with him standing next to you.

“How about this, I take you on a date. Dinner or a movie or whatever you’d like sweetcakes. That’s only if ya want to though.”

“That would be nice. But are you sure you’d want to? I mean look at me.”

“Fuck yes! I’ve been staring at you all night wanting to do all kinds of things, especially things go further than kissing.”

He says as moves hold your hand and look deeply in his eyes. Negan kisses your hand before stepping away but you stop him but grabbing his shirt.

“Wait!”

“Yes honey.”

“Could we maybe kiss again?”

He smirks and gently pins you against your car before kissing you yet again. His lips taking dominance over you so quickly and you submitted under his hold. You stay like this for a few minutes and just enjoy the treatment. You then groan frustrated as your phone rang in your pocket. You pull away and see your roomate calling.

“Yes?”

“You aren’t home yet so I just wanted to check on you.”

“Oh! I’m fine, just taking care of things.”

Your breath hitch as Negan kissed your neck and groped at your ass. You went to end the call fast and tugged at Negan’s hair to stop him.

“I gotta get going.”

“So soon?”

“Yeah I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Just know I’ll be texting you and most definitely gonna stroke my cock to this very moment.”

You face grew red and yet he laughed at your nervous attitude. His lips kissed your cheek as he pulls away to his vehicle. You couldn’t believe it at first but now it all sank in, you got a boyfriend now.

Part 2 🤭🤭???

JDM TAGLIST:

@ffakc @negans-attagirl @jonasdean02 @eddiesgirl @littlebadgirly @cosmilla @iluvneganandjamie @little-bad-girly @ohyoubetterbejokin @bratty-dolly @jdmsgal

[thewhitefluffyhat]

Thoughts on Deltarune Chapter 2

I wasn't even intending to write a Deltarune post, but here we are!

Have some extended ramblings/theorizing about Undertale, Deltarune, and the role of the "Player" vs character agency.

[Warning: full spoilers for ALL routes in both Undertale and Deltarune!]

.

Frisk’s Agency in Undertale

So I'm not sure how common this is nowadays (I haven't been following Undertale theories for a while), but I personally prefer the interpretation that there is no "Player" as an in-universe force in Undertale. I think it's a far more elegant story if the fourth wall isn't broken.

I'm also fond of the Narrator Chara and "Chara isn't pure evil until Murder Route teaches them to be" interpretations too.

And, of course, the third plank bridging those two is that I don't see Frisk as a just a pure, innocent cinnamon roll.

Because I like the story best when it's Frisk who chooses mercy or murder. It gives Frisk a much more complex character, if they are allowed to have the capacity for both immense kindness and immense cruelty. It even gives them an interesting implied character arc, if you take the natural progression path of True Pacifist > Murder Fun Times > Soulless Pacifist.

Just like Flowey, Frisk first tried to use their powers of Determination for good, but eventually they also grew curious and began to see the world as a game. And then they went too far and ultimately regretted it. Regretted it so much, in fact, that they were willing to sell their soul for just a chance to fix it.

After all, it's not you, the "Player," whose SOUL Chara wants. It's you, Frisk.

I also dislike the idea of an in-universe "Player" because that implies that "Frisk" is nothing but an empty shell - on ALL routes. All of those heartwarming moments in the True Pacifist route? All of the silly Flirt actions? Yeah, that's not Frisk, that's just as much the "Player" puppeting some poor kid's body as the events of the Bad Times.

Who knows what Frisk is truly like if their every action - good or ill - is controlled by some unseen, eldritch force? Now Frisk no longer has any characterization.

And given that said force overrides Frisk's agency, then isn't the "Player" evil no matter which route you take? It's become a story where they only "moral" choice is never to pick up the game at all. Hrm.

Anyway, but that's all Undertale. Which brings me to...

What the heck is going on in Deltarune?

Unlike Frisk=the Red SOUL in Undertale, we don't seem to control Kris=the Red SOUL in Deltarune. The game repeatedly underlines that the player only controls the Red SOUL, not Kris.

(Though, with stuff like the sound of the bathroom faucet only being audible when Kris's actual body is nearby - it seems like even when separated, the Red SOUL may still be perceiving through Kris's other senses besides sight...?)

With Spamton's dialogue and Kris's reaction after the non-Weird NEO fight, there's also a lot more emphasis in Deltarune of Kris (and the rest of the party!) being puppeted by some other force. And that's on top of all the stuff in the first chapter highlighting Kris/the Red SOUL's lack of agency.

Because of all those hints, Deltarune seems to be much more explicitly pointing toward that dark interpretation of Undertale - that the "Player"/Red SOUL is removing Kris's agency, regardless of route.

Indeed, I'm somewhat intrigued by the possibility that we/the Red SOUL might be forcing Kris to act nice just as much as we force them to act cruel. The way that Kris deliberately removes the Red SOUL in order to do some very suspicious actions might support that. As do some comments in Chapter 1, like characters in the post-Dark World walkaround noting how Kris is being less weird and more inquisitive than usual. Maybe Kris is the Knight and the Red SOUL is possessing them to undo their evil actions. Maybe the real Kris doesn't want to be friends with Susie and Ralsei at all!

But taking that interpretation to such an extreme also doesn't quite fit. Why does Kris slash the tires on Toriel's car? The only reason I can think of is that they want to keep Susie at their house. And why does Kris create the Dark World in their house? Is Kris creating the fountains because they want to have fun with friends? Especially right after the chapter emphasized how great the Dark World adventures were, that seems very likely.

There are also some smaller details too, of Kris interpreting the Red SOUL's input with their own spin (like saying things sarcastically), or of Kris chatting in a friendly way with Ralsei which the player/SOUL can't influence.

So, I'm pretty sure that even outside of the Red SOUL's control, Kris genuinely does like their friends.

Meanwhile, there were a lot of hints this chapter that Something Bad happened to Kris, Noelle, Dess, and Asriel when they went exploring in the forest by the graveyard. Most likely, they went into that ominous bunker south of the town. Is that incident related to Kris’s current strangeness?

And then, and THEN, there's the Snow Mercy route. That route seems to imply that the Red SOUL is both evil, and very much not Kris. Noelle says Kris isn't like themself, that their voice changes strangely, and she can still hear the creepy voice even when Kris is downed.

How to make sense of this all?

A Theory on Kris and the Red SOUL

One idea is that as scary and zombie-like as Kris looks without the SOUL, they're probably a nice, if lonely kid who desperately wants friends after their big brother went to college. (And possibly after something traumatic happened to them/their neighbor.) They're creating the Dark Worlds for the sake of fun and escapism.

But the Red SOUL puts an end to Kris's happy fantasies. Indeed, if the Red SOUL gives up, "the world is covered in darkness." So without the Red SOUL, would Kris simply keep creating fountains...? (What ARE the fountains, why can Kris and theoretically any Lightener create them?)

Maybe in the normal route, the Red SOUL is trying to gently help Kris move on and accept reality in some way. At the very least, I suspect Ralsei is working toward this goal.

But in that case... that's a pretty strange way for the Red SOUL to go about it, forcibly taking control of Kris to the point that the kid notices and seems to greatly resent it.

But what if the Red SOUL didn't have a choice about this arrangement either?

After all, the Red SOUL's customized vessel was discarded at the start of Chapter 1... and it was placed into Kris instead.

Here's a question: will Kris die if they're without a SOUL for too long?

Because there are an awful lot of moments in these games where characters break free of something they are bound to, but it doesn't end well: -Spamton collapses when his strings are cut. -The Darkeners can move freely outside their origin world for a while, but eventually turn to statues if they stay in another world. -Regardless of whether Berdly removes the Queen’s wires himself, he's exhausted and unable to fight any more after being under her control. -And when Kris takes the Red SOUL out of their body, their movements become slow and clumsy. Like it's a struggle for them to move at all.

Meanwhile in Undertale, post-Pacifist Asriel could maintain his form to say goodbye, but without SOUL(s), he inevitably returns to being Flowey.

So here's a theory: Kris died and/or lost their original soul. Perhaps due to some action/inaction on Noelle's part in the exploration incident. And as a last-ditch resort to keep them alive, the Red SOUL was somehow implanted in Kris.

(Also maybe Dess died/went missing at the same time...?)

And now, the Red SOUL the only thing keeping Kris around. 

But just like in Undertale, it seems like Deltarune SOULs have wills of their own.

Which means Kris's current state is similar to the Chara-Asriel fusion, or Omega Flowey, or even Frisk-Chara. Control of the body is shared. The difference is that instead of the SOUL we play representing the original owner/will of the body, this time the SOUL we're playing as is the intruder.

Essentially, this time around we are playing the role of the Chara-equivalent instead of the Frisk-equivalent!

(Though whether Kris themself is more of Chara or Frisk I’ll leave to other theorists...)

Anyway, while Kris likely wishes to be rid of the SOUL and dislikes this whole body sharing arrangement, they know they can't survive without it. And perhaps Kris being in a partially soulless state might explain why they do questionable stuff like creating Dark Worlds and slashing their mom's car tires in order to play with their friends. (Again, see also: Asriel/Flowey.)

But when the Red SOUL and Kris are in alignment, things go okay. The Red SOUL suggests commands, but Kris is willing to follow and seems to enjoy being with Susie and Ralsei.  

Let’s Talk About Snow Mercy

It's when the Red SOUL and Kris aren't in alignment... well. That seems to be what's happening in the Snow Mercy route. That kind of situation sure didn't go so hot with Frisk and Chara in Undertale, so I doubt this will end nicely for Kris and the Red SOUL either. At the very least, Kris seems to have been visibly upset after what happened with Noelle in this route.

(By the way, there are two other moments in Chapter 2 when Susie asks if Kris is okay - first after the normal Spamton NEO fight and subsequent discussion of what it meant and second after she and Kris approach the bunker.

Three different moments, but Kris appears to react similarly. Are all of these things related? The bunker, Kris being puppeted, and the events of the Snow Mercy route?)

Meanwhile, here’s a contrast. Undertale's Murder Route seemed to exist for the sake of curiosity and power - either the "Player" or Frisk's desires, whichever interpretation you subscribe to. And the changes to the world were all logical consequences of that - because of the Fallen Child's rampage, friendly NPCs disappear, major characters fight you more seriously, etc.

But the actions in Snow Mercy are... weirdly specific, weirdly unpredictable. It doesn't come across as a simple power trip. Instead, Snow Mercy is a bunch of really bizarre actions that feel even more mysterious to the player as they are to Noelle and Kris. I sure wouldn't have guessed that backtracking to the trash heap and freezing a bunch of enemies would lead to new items spontaneously appearing and then giving Noelle access to a scary new spell. It's like something straight out of a creepypasta!

The overall tone that comes across to me is that the Red SOUL seems to know what it's doing, even while the player is kept in the dark. And given Noelle's responses, it almost seems like the SOUL is trying to remind her of events/actions from her past, events which are obviously unknown to the player. All of which leads me to think that the Red SOUL has motives and goals of its own... so just like Undertale, this probably isn't a situation of the "Player" being a fourth wall-breaking force either.

The Red SOUL is its own character.

And I'm certainly curious to find out more about them!

[songmingisthighs]

[23.20] badboy!seonghwa × reader

⇀ he made the first move. don't you forget that.

⇁ part 1 / 2

⇁ prologue part 1 / 2 / 3

"Shit (Y/N) I'm so sorry but turns out Hyerin already put me down as a group partner!" Your friend, Chaerin, said with pity in her eyes.

Sophomore year sucks. Simply because people had already found people they wanna group with so it's back to highschool cliques. Juvenile, I know.

But Chaerin was supposed to be your safe bet, the one person who'd be in the same group as you as long as you both have the same class. But since she took the afternoon class of your addiction psychology last semester due to scheduling reasons, you could sense that she might've found new friends. Which scared you.

"Chaerin, I know no one else in this class, how am I supposed to group with them? Professor Kang said 2-3 people in a group so just take me with you!" You begged, holding onto her arm to prevent her from leaving your side during group discussion.

Chaerin looked at you with so much pity in her eyes, "I'm sorry (Y/N), but Hyerin already took her boyfriend in with her and she's really great with statistics! I need to pass statistics 1 to be able to get to statistics 2, so I'm really sorry," she then proceed to detach your hand from her arm and scamper away to her groupmates.

You glared at her, feeling slightly offended that she basically said that she assumed you're stupid with statistics and that she left you so easily.

Looking around, you found people who were still only in pairs. Some of them were quite familiar, having seen them with your other classmates around campus.

But before you could suck your pride up and grovel, someone had dropped their books on the spot next to you, soon their body plopped down and you were able to see who the person is.

Park Seonghwa.

"I hope you don't mind, I heard what your friend said so I put our name together as a group, I don't know anyone else here," he said simply, looking at you with a blank facial expression.

He was in your intro to psychology class back in your first semester, having had spoken a bit during impromptu discussions and sharing knowing glances and smiles when you passed by each other.

You knew him as the popular guy who always have 7 other people around him outside of class. Good grades, flirts a lot, respectful towards professors, and a notorious player.

But even so you couldn't help but feel relieved when he said what he said.

You exhaled loudly in relief, smiling gratefully at him, "no, no, I don't mind at all! In fact, I'm rather grateful! I don't know what I'd do if you hadn't group us together first, like who'd I be able to beg to? I barely know these people, and Chaerin just had to leave me for Hyerin and her boyfriend," you said, bitterly saying the last part.

Seonghwa smirked at you and your blatant bitterness, "aren't you supposed to be all supportive of your friends? Girl power and all?" You scoffed at him, "with how she ditch me? No way, what she did was blatant abandonment, parents get put in jail for that, you know?"

He laughed genuinely at what you said. Never had he ever encountered a girl with the amount of spunk you have. The girls he spent his time with are usually those who fake innocence or feign their whole personality so he wouldn't be able to see who they are truly. But he has enough experience to know what's genuine. And you? You're as clean as they come.

"True, I agree," he calmed down a bit before shrugging at you, "still, how much do you think she'd enjoy her time being a third wheel? You should pity her and not be mad at her," he suddenly leaned his face close to you, "or, if you want, we can convince her to come to our group and be our third wheel instead," he muttered lowly.

Usually, he'd expect girls to blush and stutter when he did that. But he was surprised to see you giggle nonchalantly, "why would she third wheel us? We have nothing between us that she would be able to third wheel on," you said, shaking your head because you honestly think what he said was silly.

While you knew him as the flirt, he knew you as the girl who goes beyond her way to help people. The girl who was known around campus as the spark of joy that they could always count on.

He convinced himself that the reason why he wanted to get close to you is because he wants to test whether or not it was true, that you are as good as people perceived you are. He supress his straying thoughts of how sweet your smile is, how you seem to stop every 5 steps to say hi to someone wherever you go, and he had to muster extra strength to suppress his need to plant kisses all over your face whenever you smile. Which is often.

The class ended with Professor Kang giving the first assignment which is to familiarize yourself with both SPSS and JASP. He gave instructions on how to download the programs before dismissing the class promptly.

As you pack your things into back, simultaneously throwing a winning smirk at Chaerin whom over the past hour and a half had been looking your way with an incredulous look, not believing that Park Seonghwa sat next to you and initiate to be in the same group as you.

When you step out of the classroom, Seonghwa suddenly joined you by walking next to you.

"So, can we meet up this afternoon at the café across campus ?" He asked, tilting his head a little at you. Despite him donning his signature leather jacket and white tee with distressed jeans, he looks adorable like this.

"What for?" you asked him, tilting your head to the head slightly in confusion, "we don't really have anything to do yet, Seonghwa" you grinned at him.

Seonghwa bit his bottom lip, suppressing the urge to pull you into him. A very hard task to do.

"I-I-," he coughed a little, not believing that he just stuttered in front of you, "we could download both programs together and learn how to use them so that we'd be on the same page, you know? So neither of us would be less knowledgeable than the other,"

What he said made sense. You considered his words while nodding your head in understatement. Meeting him later in the afternoon wouldn't be cutting in any of your schedule nor would it bother you whatsoever. And you honestly like the idea of not being too dependent on one another for things.

Deciding that it was a good idea, you nodded at him, "sure! Should we exchange numbers, then? So it'll be easier to communicate things?" you offered him your phone.

Seonghwa didn't even bother to hide the smirk on his face. Never had he ever experience having to trade number for something so innocent, it's honestly making him kind of tingly.

When you both finished putting in each other's contacts in the other's phone, going as far as putting a contact photo on them for no specific reason, you both returned each other's phone.

All of a sudden, Seonghwa leaned his face close to yours, "and besides," he smiled, "I'm keen on familiarizing myself with you too," he said before he turned on his heels and walk away.

You stood there, frozen at what just happened.

Just to make you even more flustered, he looked back and threw you a wink.

"See you later, (Y/N)!" he called, making everyone look at you in jealousy, probably thinking you had scored a date with him.

Despite the shock and the unfamiliarity, you're actually excited about meeting him later even just for something as miniscule as studying.

if only you knew.