#tw feelings

[fullofmoonsandstars]

Something just hit me to the very core

My parents leave the porch light on for my brother but never me

[iwillberunningfromdemons]

"Sit down," I said. "We need to talk."

He stood. "I think not."

"I insist."

"I refuse." He looked past me, into a distance I could not see. He lifted his chin.

I stood. "I need to know, Fool. You look at me sometimes, you say things, apparently in jest, but... You let both Starling and Jek believe that we could be lovers." The word came out harshly, like an epithet. "Perhaps you deem it of little importance that Jek believes you are a woman and in love with me. I cannot be so blithe about such assumptions. I've already had to deal with rumors of your taste in bed partners. Even Prince Dutiful has asked me. I know that Civil Bresinga suspects it. And I hate it. I hate that people in the keep look at us, and wonder what you do to your servant at night."

At my harsh words, he shuddered and then swayed, like a sapling that feels the first blow of the axe. When he spoke, his words were faint. "We know what is real between us, Fitz. What others may wonder about should remain their issue, not ours." Slowly he turned from me, ending the discussion.

I almost let him go. It was such a long habit with me, to accept the Fool's decisions on such things. But suddenly it did matter to me what others in the keep gossiped about, what Hap might overhear as a crude jest in a Buckkeep Town inn. "I want to know!" I suddenly roared at him. "It does matter, and I want to know, once and for all. Who are you? What are you? I've seen the Fool, I've seen Lord Golden, and I heard you speak to that Jek in a woman's voice. Amber. I confess that baffles me most of all. Why would you live as a woman in Bingtown? Why do you allow Jek to go on believing that you are a woman and in love with me?"

Golden Fool, by Robin Hobb (Tawny Man Trilogy #2)

[nyxokal]

Sometimes. To survive in a not 100% safe environment. You just have to shut the fuck up about thinngs that make you Very uncomfortable

It never feels Good

[a-flat]

A Different Kind Of Human - AURORA

I first heard this song this week, and my inner autistic child has never resonated with a song as strongly as this. I’ve never heard a song that so beautifully captured the intensity of feeling so utterly different and called out to that part and said “you’re not the problem.” And at the same time, it taps into the grief of knowing that belonging on another plane is just a fantasy, as plausible as alien abduction. It breaks me in a way I relish and repeat for hours on end, because I’m breaking me, it truly sees me. It’s a soul song, the same color as my gender and the corners of my mind, with one of the most beautiful melodies and vocal harmonies I’ve ever heard.

[will-noble-owns-my-ass]

I mean I knew she didn’t love me anymore… but honestly I just feel broken

[depressedvibe]

I'm so good at hiding my feelings sometimes even forget I have those

[linktoo-doodles]

resurrection is sort of romantic, isnt it

[ruporas]

dragon meat, you, and me

[mewvore]

gloves

I didn't want to write up a long explanation since its kind of obvious and straightforward like it basically happened just like this

but I did want to say that my dad's doing his best. I didn't draw this as like an indictment of his stubborn character or to paint him as transphobic or something. I know he's trying and hes old, so it'll take him a while to get used to me having transitioned. I get frustrated with him and do want to be mad at him sometimes when I get misgendered especially in public but he doesn't do it maliciously.

I can tell hes scared of a lot of things that come with getting to his age; it takes a serious effort to get him to the hospital sometimes and he ended up with pneumonia a few months back. hes seen his mother in law die to dementia and told me several times if his mind starts to go, drive him out to the woods to let him wander then leave. so I can't imagine whats going on in his head with all that worry when the person who basically looked just like him for 20 years suddenly... doesn't

I won't ever be able to properly portray it, but the look on his face when we compared hands was a little heartbreaking, for a split second I knew he didn't see his son anymore but it was someone he doesn't immediately know as his daughter.

[lostmf]

[teaboot]

When I was a kid, I regularly lost reading privileges for "having an attitude" and "acting out".

It wasn't as simple as being told not to read during other activities- one of the first times it happened, I remember being six years old, watching my stepfather pull fistfuls of books off my bookshelf and throw them to the floor in a heaping mess while I cried and asked him to stop.

It was weird. Every other adult I knew described me as exceptionally well-behaved, but at home, it was the opposite, and it was blamed on "learning bad habits from that shit you're reading".

Because I couldn't read at home, I spent all my free time at school in the library, reading with my friends.

When I grew up and moved away, I realized that my family life was toxic and abusive, and the "attitudes" I was being punished for were standing up for myself, standing up for my younger siblings, and resisting actual, real-life psychological abuse. Because I'd learned from what I'd read that my family wasn't normal, not like my parents said it was, and in my stories, the heroes were the people who spoke out when it was hard to.

It is insane to me that there are students right now who can't access books. It is insane that books are being outlawed. It is perverse that we are stealing away an entire generation's ability to contextualize their lives, to learn about the world around them, to develop critical thinking skills and express themselves and feel connected to the world or escape from it, whatever and whenever and however they need.

That is not how you raise a compassionate, thoughtful, powerful society.

That's how you process cattle.

It's fucking disgusting.

[nyxokal]

My shower needs at least fifteen minutes on a good day to actually get the hot water in the house, and I need at least three to five minutes to position the knob in a way that I can get as much water to come out as possible before it cuts off because the construction work is horrific, which means I end up taking like ten minute showers AFTER ALL THIS because there's not enough water to properly shower, and my family still dares to say I'm an asshole for going "maybe my shower isn't the best" and taking so long showering

[rainywhispersblog]

[borderlinejackiee]

[thsummersoldier]

i know i’d never have the guts to do anything but for the first time i know i don’t want to be here i don’t want to be myself anymore