#writing and editing on Substack

[mehmetyildizmelbourne-blog]

How to Be Successful on Substack: A Case Study

Featured Stories from Bestselling Substack Authors The First Curated Story of ILLUMINATION Writing Academy “In August 2024, I Made a Decision that Changed Everything” by Yana G.Y. A boosted story on Substack.com Yesterday, I introduced the initial submission guidelines of our first public publication, ILLUMINATION Writing and Reading Academy, on Substack. Although the story received only a…

[tirfpikachu]

just wrote 4000+ words about my detrans experienceeeeee /dabs. going to post a teaser on here soon, with a link to the longer substack article! time to piss off some libfems yeehawwwww B)

[slowdesire]

sometimes (almost everyday) i think about how i wish i was the kind of writer who has something meaningful to say and can write for free from the heart out of my own volition. but the reality for years now really has been that i only write consistently by putting myself in situations where others require it of me

[arijensineink]

Hiya dears<3

Happy Wednesday. How is everyone holding up?

I twinged my left arm today so I'm taking it (somewhat) easy tonight. Just wanted to drop a link to my Substack in case you aren't subscribed!

I'm working on building my newsletter so I'd really appreciate if you check it out 🦄 I just started a series all about character building, I'm very excited about it.

Other updates: A couple nights ago I finished the 2nd draft of The Candy King! It felt so good to have my first official novella under my belt. So, that's resting for a while.

I also finished a developmental edit today on a book about tarot for one of my clients. It was a wonderful experience editing it, and I have several slots open at the moment in case your story needs a fresh perspective.

All the info you need is at arieljensine.ink <3

And one last thing--I'm looking for new members for my writing discord server! If you're interested, shoot me a DM and I'll hook you up with an invite to the server of your choice.

Much love, writer friends! Take care of yourselves, it's rough out there. Happy writing!

[thejaymo]

For writers serious about honing their craft and elevating their work, it just seems obvious to me that Substack should facilitate some kind of editorial market.

[iwriteasfotini]

Substack Wednesday!

[saa-na]

There was a period of time in January when I was the only person retrieving books from the kilometers worth of shelving underground, lifting the manuscripts or books that weighed up to thirty kilograms on my shoulder. The red rot clung onto the fibers of my clothing. On one or two occasions my mouth was ajar and something disgusting fell into it as I reached overhead. I learned to shut my mouth. I learned which documents were moldy by the sweet smell of them. The old prison record books were treated with beeswax, and now lighting a candle reminds me of the deprivation of liberty.

The documents I rifle through for my thesis were produced in an environment so thick with cigarette smoke that they still smell faintly like an old man’s breath. They leave my fingertips black at the end of the day, even if I try to avoid running my fingers over the pages. I’ve come to see information as something that is filthy, physically, and metaphysically. If dirt is matter out of place every awful history I read feels like the metaphorical equivalent of sticky mints on the bottom of my purse. I don’t forget anything interesting I’ve ever read so every sorry story of a drunken murder I’ve read is etched in my memory.

[malusokay]

What's the point of a diary if you're not lying in it?

On Anaïs Nin, literary self-mythologizing, and why personal writing should always be slightly dishonest. (from my substack)

If you’re not lying in your diary, you’re just journaling, and journaling is for people who don’t know how to edit.

A diary is not a record of events; it is an act of creation. The best diarists know this instinctively. Anaïs Nin knew it better than anyone. Her diaries were not mere confessions but performances, half-lit mirrors where the truth shimmered, distorted but no less real.

Nin understood that life is not lived in a single register. Her diaries are a study in contradiction—one moment, she is in love; the next, repulsed. She is independent yet wholly consumed by those around her. But contradiction isn’t falsehood; it’s literature. She rewrote and edited her diaries, sculpting herself into the character she wanted to be. And is that really so dishonest?

People love to be outraged by the idea of a diary that is not entirely factual. But fact is not the same as truth. Diaries, at their best, are emotional truths, shaped by mood, by desire, by the need to impose a narrative on the chaos of daily life. Nin was not interested in being objective—she was interested in being immortal. She once wrote, “We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.” But why stop at tasting? Why not rewrite, reshape, embellish? If we can curate the lives we present to others, why should we not do the same for the versions of ourselves we leave behind?

Nin herself was a master of this. She edited her diaries before publication, removing, refining, turning herself into a protagonist. She blurred lines, shifted timelines, made herself more alluring. She called it shaping reality. Others call it lying. The truth, of course, is that all personal writing is selective. Even in confession, there is curation.

The danger, of course, is that history will take the performance at face value. That the diary, once private, will harden into biography. But this, too, is a kind of truth. A diary is not a static object. It lives, it breathes, it deceives, but always in service of something larger than the mundane details of existence.

[foxmulderautism]

sad because my ass is getting new ideas + points of analysis when i think about my dissertation that i can't write because well. dissertation done. it's been a month and i'm going to be plagued by this for the rest of my life

[mehmetyildizmelbourne-blog]

Substack Mastery Book: Chapter 5

Editorial Excellence and Practical Tips for Self-Editing Newsletters for Cost Effectiveness and Reader Satisfaction Image designed by Dr Mehmet Yildiz at digitalmehmet as the artifacts of Substack Mastery Book Dear beta readers, thank you for your valuable feedback, which will refine this book and help me create a valuable information source for fellow writers. Now that you have learned the…

[zzuniverses]

1000 Pages are Waiting to Be Edited and Published Because I Suck!

Over 200 articles, a novel, some half-written books, and dozens of short stories await their turn to find their readers, and I’m here whining about it.

I read about people struggling with coming up with content to write about. I honestly can’t relate. I have so many ideas, stories, and different types of writing I like to produce that I can’t keep up for the life of me. 

Every couple of hours, I have to open up my notepad and write down some ideas for a new article. The general theme, title, and some bullet points. This way, I can relax and know that I won’t forget this “brilliant” new idea for a post. I wake up in the middle of the night and repeat the same process. 

How could I have written so many articles in a couple of months?

Every day I get up at 5 in the morning and write. Before my family awakens and distractions rain down on me. This is my sacred time. It used to be for meditation and workouts. Now it’s my writing time.

One or two articles per day are easy for me. To write — not to edit and publish!

That is where I struggle most. Writing comes easy to me. Ideas come effortlessly; since I’ve begun writing again, they almost always flood me. 

It’s like someone opened the floodgates from the heavens, and I’m the recipient. I can’t possibly turn all of these ideas into words, articles, and books. 

I’ve always been this way. Once I focus on something, I get completely obsessed, and channels open up, overwhelming me with ideas. 

Where I suck at is the execution of those ideas.

Read the whole article!

[cherrystaineddoll]

𝓽hings to do instead of scrolling ౨ৎ

summer is here, school is over and you have way too much free time on your hands. so unless you want to spend your whole days with your eyes locked on a screen, here's an in- depth guide on what to do this summer, or whenever!!

learn a new language - trust me, speaking more than one language is a skill that everyone should have, and it always comes in handy. you can watch tv shows, movies or youtube videos in your target language, read beginner books, use apps (not duolingo though.. ) and even just listen to music!! just expose yourself to the language as much as you can, even better if you know anyone you can have conversations with. you could also learn sign language!!

journal or scrapbook - writing down your feelings really helps understanding your own self more. you can try doing shadow work to really dive deep, or just write whatever you feel in that moment. it doesn't have to become a chore, and remember, write for yourself and not as if someone else was going to read!! as for scrapbooking, just print out some nice photos and decorate the pages with stickers, drawings, fun colored paper.. whatever you want, just be creative!!

make art - it doesn't have to look perfect, remember that all art is beautiful in its own way. even if you think you're not good at it, just create, it will help you feel better & you'll also get better with time!! you can draw, paint, sculpt, do pottery, etc. you don't have to follow any guidelines, just buy a random sketchbook, bring out your inner child and do whatever you feel like doing

learn how to play an instrument - this can be a bit expensive, but if you have any instrument in your house that you've never used, it might be a great time to start learning it!! you don't necessarily need to take classes, you can easily find tutorials on youtube, even though it might be harder to learn by yourself. but making music is a really fun activity & good for the soul

reading and writing - i will never recommend reading enough !! everyone should read. it helps you learn new things, understand different perspectives, expand your vocabulary, and so much more. i know books can be expensive, but you can always try to buy them at flea markets, or ask a friend/family member to lend you some. and just in case, there are always some sites where you can read books online for free, like zlibrary!! you can read before going to bed instead of staying on your phone (which is sooo bad for your sleep), at the beach while tanning or outside while getting some fresh air. and if reading books inspires you, you can try to write something!! i'm not saying you have to write a 600 page book, but you can try to write small stories, or poetry, and who knows, someday you might actually write a book! if you want to get published, there are some small literary magazines you can find on social media that publish the works of small writers, it can be a great way to start. you can also always post your works here on tumblr, substack, or any social media platform!! you could also try to write the story for a movie and start screenwriting, if you're into cinematography

research interesting topics - now that school isn't forcing you to study things that maybe you don't care about, you can study whatever you want !! remember, knowledge is power, and with the internet, you basically have the world in your hands. you can watch a youtube video, read a book, or simply research on websites (make sure they're reliable though). you can also take online courses!! i might make a post on ideas for what to research??

start a new hobby - your life can't only be made of school/work, sleep, and a screen. you need hobbies that you actually like and that make you feel good. some of these can be: baking and cooking, crocheting, knitting, embroidery, jewelry making, nail art, makeup, photography, editing, blogging/vlogging, coloring, candle making, soap making, perfume making, modeling, origami, sewing, making diy stuff, chess, puzzles, acting, singing, flower arranging, meditating, lego building, trying new hairstyles or outfits, doing animations, discovering new music, sudoku, the things i previously wrote, and probably a million other activities i can't think of right now

stay active - moving you body is good for both your physical and mental health, i'm sure we all know that. you can go on walks or runs in the nature with your headpones on, or do any sport that you like- some ideas: swimming, dancing (ballet, hip hop, modern, ecc) , tennis, martial arts (judo, karate, taekwondo, ecc), volleyball, basketball, athletics, gymnastics, football, archery, fencing, table tennis, boxing, surfing, rowing, hockey, horseback riding, softball, golf, biking, figure skating, rollerblading, skating.. you don't need to do it competitively (unless you want to), as long as you're having fun and moving your body. you can also do workouts, like yoga or pilates, at home or outdoors, or go hiking.

watch movies, tv shows, or documentaries - it can always be a good learning experience, or just something fun and relaxing that isn't mindlessly scrolling. a bonus: after you've watched something, write a very long, detailed and in-depth review in your journal. you can also post it wherever you want (like letterboxd, to fight all the one liners)

hang out - with friends, family, or even by yourself !! (i know, i know, it can be scary). you can do anything, as long as you're with the right people everything is fun, but here's some ideas: have a picnic, go to the beach, go to a water park, have a baking contest, do temporary tattoos, go to a concert, go out to eat, do a one day trip, go on a road trip, take a walk in the nature, go hiking, go to a trampoline park, go to an amusement park, visit a museum, go thrifting or shopping, have a board games night, try out a new cute cafe or bakery, do an escape room, have a karaoke night, have a movie marathon, and so much more!!

i hope this helped!! ♡

[sky-scribbles]

So there were some things I had to cut out of my book on aro & ace -ness for various reasons. Mostly, I had to trim it so it'd fit into a lower price range, but sometimes... I had to sigh heavily and admit that something was just too self-indulgent and it had to go.

These included:

A study of some historical figures whom I think might have been ace or aro (not to 'claim' anyone as aspec - we have no idea how people from the past might identify today - but I think it's important for us to remember that historical figures should not be considered straight by default, and that their lives shouldn't be painted as tragic if they didn't have a partner.)

In particular I got very annoyed with adaptations of certain historical figures' lives that write in romances that never existed, as if their lives are uninteresting unless you shove romantic love in there

A couple of thousand words yelling about how groundbreaking Critical Role's ace and aro characters are (this one PAINED me to remove)

A rambling diversion into animals that breed cooperatively and how they disprove the dumbass narrative that 'the sex drive trumps everything so being ace is obviously ~unnatural~'

A bunch of other stuff where I had to look myself in the eye and say 'Sky. I know this is fun. But is this relevant. Is this necessary.' Alas it was not.

Anyway it makes me very sad that I couldn't include this stuff, and the upshot is: I'm starting a free Medium blog (EDIT: formerly on substack but moved for Reasons) so I have a place where I can yell about everything I couldn't fit in the book. I'll probably use it to yell about general aspec & pop culture things in general!

I'd love to to have you if you're interested in my aspec gushings <3

(Book available for pre-order here & here)

[drdemonprince]

I’m an Autistic trans woman and I appreciate all the content you’re putting out on here. I find your Substack hard to follow. I usually have to read and reread each piece over and over and sometimes even then I don’t think I fully understand what you’re saying. I don’t think I’m stupid I just find that level writing and length hard to follow. I like your stuff on here and your instagram videos because it’s easier to follow and understand. Would you ever consider writing shorter pieces that are easier to understand for those of us who struggle with it? I don’t know if that’s offensive to ask. If it is I’m sorry I don’t mean it to be.

it's the opposite of offensive. my work's lack of accessibility is one of its biggest flaws. I am talking with a team in Aotearoa about editing some of my sex writing into language accessible for intellectually disabled people, hopefully I will learn a bit about writing more succinctly and clearly for everyone in the process. It represents a bit of a competing access need situation; I have trouble taking the perspective of another person and knowing what will make sense to them and explaining things patiently rather than speeding ahead and connecting everything I see as connected and ranting.

[soracities]

"Conclusions: reading, then, is a crucial act of resistance.

Not the only way, or the primary way, but a mode of literacy we must not negate or shy away from. Reading and writing are disciplines distinct from other forms of literacy: aural and oral proficiency (speaking and listening), media literacy (video watching, noticing), financial literacy, social literacy, numerical literacy (shoutout to the baddies with math anxiety rooted in the same oppressive upbringings). There are histories, blueprints, stories we can only access through the pages they’ve been printed on. If that was not important, we would not lock university libraries behind several hundred thousand dollars paywalls. If there was not agency and power to be found in reading, the empire would not work so hard to burn your hands away. If video learning is truly as harmless and neutral as we think, why are there screens everywhere in this world? Why are there so much advertisements, so much incentives, to spend all day looking at someone else making you feel?

—Ismatu Gwendolyn, "you've been traumatized into hating reading (and it makes you easier to oppress)", from Threadings, on Substack (bolded italics my edit)

[honeytonedhottie]

honey's it girl magazine december edition⋆.ೃ���*:･🎀

welcome back to honeys it girl magazine, this is the december catalog. get ready for the inside scoop on data that i've collected, things i've learned/started doing, and just general info like that organized in kind of a teen-magazine inspired fashion. this months catalog has an article written by the LOVELY @osculum-frombee. i just wanna start off by saying THANK YOU all for supporting the magazine and my blog this year, this is theee it girls magazine and without further ado lets just get into it.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT ;

hey everyone! recently its come to my attention that a lot of you guys are advising me to create a sub stack account and so i did. on substack there will be a paid subscription to read the it girls magazine, BUT there are some things i want to tell u guys about regarding this magazine...💬🎀

WHAT ABOUT THE MAGAZINE ON TUMBLR? ;

you will still get an amazing it-girls magazine every month on tumblr absolutely free! the only difference between the it girls magazine on tumblr and the it girls magazine on substack is that on substack the magazine will be exclusive and include the following...💬🎀

♡ early access

♡ downloadable issues

♡ subscriber shout-outs

♡ guest article opportunities if u want to write something for the magazine

♡ collaborations potentially 🙈

♡ longer articles in general so if u like the longer articles and if u wanna read more than the exclusive version is def for you

the it girls magazine on this platform will include the same content as the magazine on substack! except on substack it'll be more in depth and include perks mentioned above. its basically the magazine y'all get here, but upgraded ✨

WHY YOU SHOULD SUPPORT MY SUBSTACK ;

for just $5 a month, you’ll get all the extra goodies that make honeys it girls magazine even more special! think early access to issues, exclusive behind-the-scenes content, and fun extras like shopping guides and downloads. plus, your support means the world to me—it helps me keep creating the content you love and dream up even more cool stuff for you. it’s like joining our little vip club where you get all the insider perks and help the magazine grow! 💕

as of right now im still working out the kinks of my magazine on substack so for todays catalog you guys will be getting the exclusive version that way u guys can know what its like! if u have any questions at all ur welcome to ask in the comments/submit an ask. i hope to see you all there but until then enjoy the experience 💻🎀

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS TO BE GLAMOROUS ;

for this holiday season lets set the scene with "mariah carey’s “all i want for christmas is you”, your wearing a sparkly dress and looking as beautiful as you always do ✨ looking like the ultimate holiday dream! thats the energy that we wanna emulate during this holiday season and we’ll get more into that later on in this catalog. 

no but seriously, all i want for christmas is to be more fabulous and glamorous. as i was writing my christmas wishlist with my fluffy pink pen, i even made pink hot chocolate to set the mood (recipe will be shared later on) and i came to the realization that aside from the material aspects of a hyper feminine glamorous christmas, the vibe also needed to match. 

glamour is about the way that you carry yourself. so, while we’ll definitely be purchasing our holiday wishlists, make sure that we’re keeping up with our self care rituals and in fact, pampering ourselves more because we are FABULOUS and we should treat ourselves as such. now, lets unwrap all the ways you can dominate this season like the it girl you are. 

WHAT MADE YOU AN IT GIRL THIS YEAR ;

now that we’re in december i wanna track it back and do some reflection on our year just like we talked about in the november catalog. every it girl has her moments and im sure that this year has been full of them for you so just take a second to acknowledge your moments form the year. 

for me, my biggest moments this year include making the decision to take myself more seriously because, i feel like i take myself quite seriously already but i haven’t been applying myself giving myself my all like i KNOW i can so making that choice this year to truly step into myself was def my biggest moment. 

your it girl moments also dont have to be something necessarily ground-breaking, it can be as simple as you finding your signature scent (hint: if it smells like warm vanilla gourmand, it’s the one) or as ground breaking as reaching your health goals, getting on honor-roll for your school, or making big doll dollars! 💰💖💸 whatever it is, YOU did that. reflect and celebrate yourself. 

PINK HOT CHOCOLATE RECIPE ;

pink hot chocolate is the perfect winter drink! plus its super easy to make so im going to be giving the recipe here so that you can enjoy a cup of it while you continue reading the it girl magazine. put on ur hello kitty aprons and lets get straight into the recipe! you’ll need the following ; 

♡ 4 cups of milk ♡ 1/2 cups of white chocolate chips  ♡ 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract 

so what your gonna do is your gonna heat up 4 cups of milk in a pot and then add in ur white chocolate chips, mixing them together until smooth. then you’ll add the vanilla extract and the red food coloring and stir to distribute the color...💬🎀

i like to enjoy mine with whipped cream and pink and white mini marshmallows! now that you have your beverage we can continue on with the it girls magazine. 

HOLIDAY SELF CARE ROUTINE ;

one of my favorite things to do are over the top self care routines! i love to feel glamorous and girly and take good care of myself meticulously especially during winter break because its easy to just rot and fall into a lethargic haze so hopefully this holiday self care routine motivates you and gives you something to do if your bored.

use a holiday themed bath bomb from lush

use a deep conditioning hair mask, put your hair up and read a chic magazine (like this one, duh)

its all about the experience so light a yummy candle while your doing self care

use a foot scrub of brown sugar honey and lemon -> for extra glam paint ur nails

moisturize your body with a shimmery lotion so you sparkle like a holiday queen

bubble baths!!

WHAT THE IT GIRLS ARE LISTENING TO ;

one of my favorite releases this december has to be twice and megan thee stallions collar strategy! the song is so vibrant and bubbly and i absolutely loved the music video also. we can't talk about december music without talking about the queen of christmas herself miss mariah carey and her christmas album 'merry christmas' some songs from my christmas playlist are ->

♡ santa tell me - by ariana grande ♡ all i want for christmas is you - by mariah carey ♡ last christmas - by wham! ♡ doughnut - twice ♡ a nonsense christmas - sabrina carpenter ♡ december - ariana grande ♡ when christmas comes - by mariah carey and john legend

THE ADVICE COLUMN ;

Q ; “Hey, I recently bought almond oil but don’t know what to use it for. I have heard of using it for hair, skin, body, etc. but could you elaborate on it? Also if it’s ok with u could this be in your magazine which I love btw! Your the best!” 💬

A ; hi anonie! so almond oil is super duper versatile. you can use it in a hair mask for shine and hydration. you can add a couple drops to your body lotion for skin hydration. you can also mix it with sugar and make ur own homemade body scrub. from the research i did, its also great for cuticle care and soothing dry areas like elbows and knees. thanks for loving the magazine! 

DECEMBER TRENDS ;

i first wanna talk about the FASHION trends for december 2024 because it’s caught my eye. according to harpersbazzar “this season is all about daytime party clothes, o blood office attire, and updated english country classics.”

reoccurring themes in december fashion are all about finding ways to indulge in warmth and texture during the dark winter days. a texture that i’ve seen used a lot in december fashion is velvet and im going to talk about this a lot because it’s so super glamorous to me and resonates with me more as opposed to other textures that are trending like suede and corduroy.

velvet is so rich and perfect for december because of the cold weather. velvet to me just SCREAMS chic and luxurious. another texture i’ve always loved for the colder seasons is furs! miu mius first look from the fall 2024 fashion show set the stage for how popular chocolate browns are this month. chocolate brown is the chicest shade of cocoa ✨

december fashion also incorporates lots of layering because of the weather, but to master this you must layer FASHIONABLY. layering is so fun because we can really play with textures and colors. some tips to do this are as follows…💬🎀

mix textures to add dimension and interest

play around with proportions (for example big fur coat + tiny silky dress. or puffer jackets with a fashionable pair of jeans)

statement outerwear pieces!!

moving away from the fashion point of view on december trends, i wanna talk about the “can’t pay the mortgage” trend of december. so essentially you’d tell your significant other that you can’t pay the rent/mortgage, all while knowing that they have never payed for the mortgage. 

so naturally, the husbands after hearing this they’re confused and some even offended that their wife would even have to think about paying the mortgage. i think that this trend is really cute, and its a harmless prank and its really beautiful to see women in equitable relationships where they’re being taken care of and happy. I LOVE TO SEE WOMEN WINNN. 

HUNNY I CANT PAY THE MORTGAGE (BY THE LOVELY @osculum-frombee) ;

For December trends let’s go out with some advice that could better you in 2025, relationships. Let’s talk about love and expectations we all experience.

The perfect trend for this is the recent “Can’t pay the mortgage trend” where wives or partners tell their husbands they can’t pay the mortgage and see their reactions. This trend was originally done by 100% couples where the man paid all the bills in the household, or couples where the man paid half the bills (like the mortgage and perhaps something else) while the wife paid other bills but then 50/50 couples started participating in the trend and the differences in reaction was… shocking to say the least?

Reactions ;

The reactions betweeen the 50/50 men and the 100% men were obviously very different, but the question is just how different?...💬🎀

The men who paid most or all of the bills in the household almost immediately laughed or joked about their wife and how she doesn’t pay the bills anyway, some were confused and looked at their wife like “Babe..what?🤨” while some played along and pretend like they had no idea what they were going to do but reassured their wife they would handle it (my personal faves) 

While the 50/50 men would have a DRASTICALLY different reaction these men would either blank out or rage out at the idea their wife or girlfriend couldn’t handle it, the guys who blanked out asking their wife is she could take overtime or saying they didn’t know what to do while the ones who raged out went to cursing or degrading their wives. 

These reactions show perfectly what you do and DONT want in a relationship. The way your partner reacts and treats you is everything and there’s a difference between the way a provider would react and a stingy man would.

The trend isn’t about saying you should date a man who pays 100% of the bills if you don’t want to, or that all 50/50 men are trash. Like all things this requires PERSPECTIVE and knowing what  YOU personally WANT 

In times like this with the economy there are people out there who can’t do it with just one income alone, and that doesn’t mean you or your partner is a peice of crap for having to split the bills to make it...💬🎀

A provider man ;

You want to- no NEED to ensure that regardless of how much money your partner or you make, that whoever your dating is a provider man, who is more focused on taking care of you then you taking care of him, a problem solver who can save money for a rainy day, there are men out there who do 50/50 but ensure they take care of their partners, worship the ground they walk on and PROVIDE, do their best to take the stress off their partners shoulders while also taking care of household issues, men who put effort in emotionally and understand that relationships are a 2 way street, aren’t stingy about spending on their loved ones and treat their partners like the rare gemstone they are. THATS the type of man you want, whether  he be filthy rich with generational wealth or a man who gives it his all either way.

There are 50/50 men out there who save money and if their partner ever said they couldn’t do their part of the bills this month he would move mountains to ensure his partners stressed was alleviated and create a solution to the problem,  that could  be him working overtime or taking money out of the savings or covering that months expenses himself if he can, he wouldn’t yell or argue, or curse profanities , he would help and ensure they were taken care of. 

Emotional matters ;

There are men who may seem like the better choice, men who are rich and perfect on paper, but it’s not about how much money your partner has it’s how they react to the things they cannot buy. If you’re partner throws money and expensive bags at you without a second thought but when it comes to getting to know you and understand you, gaining your trust, talking through emotional issues and you trying to communicate to them they shun you out, get mad or dismissive then this isn’t the partner for you, wether you be man or women. You may think someone can buy things like your trust, effort, energy and genuine love but those are things that can’t ever be bought these things take experience, time spent with that person, arguments and makeups, it takes learning and growing to  trust that person to love them.  having a partner who doesn’t put effort in emotionally or mentally  isn’t having a partner at all it’s simply being occupied or “busied” by someone else who won’t put forth a real connection with you. 

What you want vs what you’re told to ;

I saw a video of a women saying her and her husband go 50/50 they use 1 salary for bills and expenses and use the other for savings, she said she likes it this way, she has her bachelors and her masters degree and chose not to quit working after becoming pregnant she listed points that were SO important

She mentioned how she liked having the fridge stocked, how she like vacationing whenever she wanted, she liked buying what she wanted and not struggling. The point I’m making is that it’s all about what you want and what feels right for you, but also about how your partner treats you. If you decide to  go 50/50 on the financial labor and are  with a man who doesn’t care about you or is very “dusty” you’re going to be unhappy and unfulfilled but its also the same if you’re dating a man who pays 100% yet still ignores every other need in a relationship like mental and emotional, youll be unfulfilled and unhappy. 

If you’re going 50/50 make sure you're dating a man who’s clean and willing and likes to help around the house, who can clean or cook and will put effort into all aspects of this relationship. If you want to work but be 100% taken care of and save the money you make or spend it freely it’s your life, if you want to be a stay at home mom or parent or just want to stay at home and be 100% taken care of it’s your life, if you want to have your fantasy “the way of the househusband” life where you work and pay all the bills and your husband stays at home, cooks and cleans and takes care of everything else than babygirl it’s your life and honestly rock it? 

It’s your life and it shouldn’t be curated to anyone else’s wants or expectations as long as you’re happy fulfilled, with a provider/ problem solver who will move mountains for you be happy. You’re not a roommate for going 50/50 when you’re truly loved and respected in your relationship and your partner  isn’t stingy. Whichever way you want your relationship to go make sure you find a partner who is on the same page and can give you that, don’t try to force a clown to be a king because then the entire kingdom will end up a circus, don’t chase or fight with a man who doesn’t want to give you what you want or doesn’t view you as worth it or cannot afford to, find a partner who is aligned in your ideas and values and is entirely pleased to provide you what it is you wish. 

The beauty of the trend ;

While some people do scrutinize women who are in a healthy 50/50 relationship or women who want to go to work and still be provided for. It’s not about that this trend is about showing women what’s possible, that providing 100% for a man will always lead to you being depleted and drained in every way possible, that the better and healthier relationship is out there and that there are men who would do anything to be with you and keep you and let their actions show as such not just financially but emotionally. Women have said that this trend has shown them their husbands or partners aren’t worth it and that it’s opened them up to a better way of living and has shown them their better off single than with a man who depletes them. 

This is about empowering women and I notice this trend goes hand in hand or is the sister to the “women in male fields trend” a trend that showcased women acting like men and talking about what they’d experienced with them, that trend was women saying they were done with that treatment and this trend is about showing women they can do better. 

Conclusion ;  

Going into 2025, focus on yourself- find out what it is you want.  

And if there’s anything you take away from this segment let it be that: 

It’s about what you want 

50/50 doesn’t make either of you bad

Better is always out there

You are the love of your life 

Thank you for reading my first ever segment in the It girls magazine💕💖

WHICH HOLIDAY IT GIRL AM I? ; 

are y'all ready to discover what type of it girl you are this holiday season? take this quiz to figure out which festive vibe suits your personality. lets see how ur sleighing this season…💬🎀

1. your ideal holiday party look is:

a) a sparkling, gold sequin-covered dress that’s sure to steal the spotlight 

b) a chic velvet jumpsuit with fluffy details and elegant accessories 

c) a fluffy sweater with a touch of holiday glam — think sparkly headbands and cute socks 

d) a glamorous satin gown in red or emerald green, paired with glamorous makeup and red bottoms

2. what’s your go-to holiday drink?

a) sparkling champagne or a festive glittery mocktail 

b) a warm, spiced apple cider 

c) pink hot cocoa with extra marshmallows, topped with whipped cream 

d) a luxurious holiday latte with hints of peppermint or caramel 

3. your favorite way to spend christmas eve is:

a) attending lavish holiday parties, and kissing under mistletoes 

b) enjoying a candlelit dinner with close friends or family, and watching cozy christmas movies 

c) baking holiday cookies and wrapping gifts while sipping on hot chocolate

d) getting all glammed up for a special dinner and exchanging glamorous gifts with ur girls

4. when decorating for the holidays, you:

a) i go ALL out with sparkly lights, glittery ornaments and a chic color scheme for pinkmas 

b) elegant neutral decor with touches of greenery, its classic duh

c) a cozy vibe with diy ornaments, fairy lights, and plaid everything 

d) love classic red, green, and white with vintage-style baubles for a traditional yet glamorous feel 

5. what's your holiday music playlist vibe?

a) mariah carey’s “all i want for christmas is you” on repeat 

b) classic jazz and soft holiday tunes 

c) cozy acoustic christmas songs and christmas movie soundtracks 

d) holiday hits that make you want to dance like wham and micheal bublé 

6. what's your holiday beauty look?

a) bold red lips, highlighter that shines like snow, and glittery eyeshadow 

b) soft, glowing skin with a natural glam look — think minimal but chic 

c) a cozy but cute look with a bright red lip and simple, glowing skin 

d) smokey eyes, dramatic lashes, think holiday bimbo

7. your dream holiday getaway is:

a) a glamorous snowy cabin retreat with hot cocoa and a warm fire, and complete with an evening of glitzy christmas parties

b) a cozy winter escape in the mountains with scenic views and a fireplace 

c) a festive city escape, with christmas markets, hot chocolate, and cozy cafes 

d) a luxurious tropical resort, giving beachside holiday vibe

results:

mostly a’s: the sparkling diva ✨ you’re all about the glam and sparkle this holiday season! from dazzling sequins to luxurious accessories, you know how to shine brighter than the christmas lights. you love the glitz and glamour of the season and aren’t afraid to make a statement — just like the holiday parties you attend!

mostly b’s: the elegant sophisticate 🥂 you bring class and sophistication to everything you do this holiday season. whether it’s a cozy dinner or a quiet night by the fire, you exude an effortless elegance. this holiday season, you’ll be enjoying luxurious simplicity — think velvet, classic red lips, and timeless decor.

mostly c’s: the cozy glam girl 💖 you’re all about warmth, coziness, and making the season special in your own way. whether it’s baking cookies, wrapping gifts, or cuddling up with your favorite holiday movies, you embrace all things festive and chic. this holiday, it’s about combining comfort and glamour for the perfect holiday vibe!

mostly d’s: the classic glamazon 💅🏼 you’re the definition of classic holiday glamour! whether you’re rocking a satin gown or glamming up your beauty look, you always bring sophistication and style to the season. for you, it’s all about elegant traditions, bold accessories, and a glamorous holiday look that can’t be ignored.