#AND STUPID WAYNE

[ochibrochi]

guilty conscience 😬 (i watched legion of superheroes movie)

[kieran-granola]

Let's-give-Bruce-a-heart-attack plan, in which all the Bats team up to get their identities "exposed"

As in, they go out in civvies with suits underneath their clothes, Clark Kent-style, except all of the suits are obviously wrong.

Tim gets exposed as Spoiler. Jason is spotted changing into Black Bat's uniform. Cass blinks innocently when someone points out the Robin top peeking out from underneath her clothes. Damian gets recorded, voice deadpan in a Batman suit size 14 yo like, "It's hard work being the Protector of Gotham, especially for as long as I've been doing it, but someone has to be there for the people."

Bruce is in Hell.

And he doesn't know what he's done to deserve this, but thankfully, he has an idea to get them to stop.

...Turns out Wonder Woman's skirt and boots make his calves look fantastic.

[deadsetobsessions]

“Did this place pick up a ghost when I was dead or something?”

Tim whipped his head towards Jason, who looked mildly perturbed.

“You too?!” Tim demanded.

“What?”

“The ghost! I kept thinking it was a hallucination, you know? But even when I laid off of the caffeine, there’d be a fucking shadow at the edge of my vision! At night! You saw it too, right?” Tim rambled, increasingly agitated. “It even moves the fucking coffee mugs! I know where I left my favorite mug, and it sure as hell wasn’t in the sink!”

Jason blinked at him, face morphing into concern.

“Replacement, when was the last time you got some sleep?”

Tim inhaled. “Jason, I swear to god I will replace all of the shampoo in your twenty six safe houses with glitter glue if you don’t tell me whether you saw it or not.”

Jason nodded immediately. In his defense, Tim grew up to be a scary motherfucker. Diabolical little shit would have been a fucking terrifying villain.

“I knew it.”

——

Danny hummed. Tim was going to freak when he found his cowl three inches to the left.

He merrily avoided all of the set up cameras by simply going invisible and intangible, save for his arms that he uses to sweep the cowl to the side.

He could hear the static on the cameras. Danny grinned. Operation Gaslight, Ghostkeep, Girlboss is on.

——

“Tim-” Dick started, only to be cut short by Tim whirling around and jabbing a painful finger into his chest.

“You owe me this, for that Arkham comment when B went missing.”

Dick raised his hands in surrender, guilt flaring.

“Drake, what kind of pointless scheme are you getting us in, now?”

“Not now, demon brat.” Jason elbows the kid. “Just go along with it.”

“Look.”

“Well. I guess we were right, yeah, Tim?” Duke muttered, eyeing the moved cowl. “My ghost-sight isn’t seeing anything. Not even wind movement.”

“What’s going on, boys?”

“B, there’s a ghost in the manor.”

“He’s freaking out because it moved his coffee mug like three times.” Steph chimed in.

——

“Danny?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you seen anything weird, lately?”

Danny tilted his head. “No…?”

“Not even in the house?” Jason asked.

“Shadows? Anything?” Dick asked, eye bags prominent on the normally exuberant man. Danny snickered inwardly. They’ve been up for three days trying to “catch” the ghost.

“Uh. I mean the floorboards creak sometimes? But in terms of shadows… I think I saw them outside? Kind of looked like Batman, actually. But my eyesight gets bad at night. Why?”

Danny could see in the dark just fine.

“Nothing! Let me know if you see anything, okay?”

“Uh. Sure? Maybe you guys should… get some sleep?”

“Uh-huh.”

The bats file out of his room.

——

Danny locked glowing green eyes with Tim and Dick. He did some quick thinking and contorted his ectoplasm into something more grotesque.

“Kkkhggggghkkkkeeee!!!” He screeched.

“AHHHHHHHHHH!” The two of them screamed, both bolting and throwing things at him. It was impressive how fast they backpedaled.

“That was close,” Danny muttered. He quickly scribbled on Damian’s whiteboard with conspiracy theories and dipped before the rest of the bats came thundering.

He fell into a light sleep just as Stephanie checked up on him, work done.

[not-another-robin]

He's probably nonbinary but he has a job to do so

[lovelylonelymoonlight]

Nothing funnier to me than dick going to therapy for like 3 months before going to Bruce and being like

“I don’t wanna be Batman”

And Bruce kinda just looks at him like “….okaaayy?? I didn’t want you to be Batman”

So dick has to go to therapy for ANOTHER three months so he can ask Bruce about That only for Bruce to be like, “who in their right mind would pick Batman over Nightwing??? When given the choice a world without Nightwing would be a nightmare”

And then dick goes home and cries because his dad is proud of him

[stateofconstantemotion]

I'm sick and tired of hearing ice-cold takes that Batman's a Mary Sue.

So what? So what if he's an engineer, martial artist, gymnast, strategist, forensic scientist, hacker, racecar driver, pilot, detective, actor, CEO, etc.

Bruce Wayne is NOT a Mary Sue.

He's Everything. Bruce Wayne is the Barbie of the DC universe.

Anyway here's my pitch for a new batman logo:

[bansq]

wanted to draw these assholes in my style so maybe if i draw them again i can be more coherent

[greyangelpain]

she's literally the best choice, i dont care what anyone says ^-^

[artiststarme]

Steve and Eddie have a fight and give each other the silent treatment for eight days. Within the week, Eddie is arrested on a multitude of bullshit charges and Uncle Wayne has to pick him up from the sheriff’s department every other day, each time progressively more confused and exasperated. Who the fuck could get arrested for disturbing the peace four times in the same week and why was it apparently Eddie?

Eddie has no idea what he did to warrant all the arrests and assumes that Officer Callahan is on some sort of weird power-trip for that entire week. He doesn’t notice that it stops as soon as he makes up with Steve.

It’s only when he sees Officer Callahan, Officer Asshole as he lovingly refers to him, at Steve’s Christmas dinner that he discovers that they’re brothers. In hindsight, it makes all of Callahan’s hatred make a lot more sense.

Even after he finds out though, Phil still arrests him for various charges whenever he hears that Eddie pissed off Steve. Disturbing the peace, gross negligence, making Phil’s life harder; all reasons that Eddie has been arrested for but never charged with. And yet, the Munson idiot that Phil’s brother is in love with hasn’t yet learned his lesson. Luckily for him, Phil will keep it up until he does.

[batcavescolony]

Jason *dying his hair black*: you know I started dying my hair before Robin.

Dick: yeah why?

Jason: their's like five red heads in Gotham and I knew as a kid for a fact that one was Ivy and one was Riddler. Then I became Robin to find out the other was Batgirl/Barbra and finally Kate Batman's cousin who's now Batwoman-

Dick: Yeah Red Heads in Gotham are either heroes or villains

Jason: -yeah so I didn't want to draw attention to myself.

Dick: ...Jay?

Jason: what?

Dick: I don't think it worked you've been a hero, villain and now anti-hero.

Jason: ...

Dick:

Jason *slams down color brush*: FUCK

[ochibrochi]

metropolis nights 🌙 (kal-el ver. under the cut) original "template" by @/K0TTERl

[yes-im-a-simpp]

Batman : someone has been stabbed in-

Red Hood : seriously Robin, AGAIN?

Robin : I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING this time.

Batman : Robin didn't do anything

Red Hood : ho. Okay. Sorry, I've heard ''stabbed'' and my brain immediately went ''stabbed, sword. Sword, robin.''

Nightwing to Red Robin : see? 'told you he was neurodivergent.

[violent138]

Damian totally has business cards. I cannot explain to you the context or backstory at all, but that kid carries embossed business cards in his Robin-themed wallet and hands them out to classmates who need his number or Instagram (listed on the card) for group projects or merely leaves them at establishments. He also gives them to his brothers when they want to add him on their phones.

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Batman has a contingency for everyone on the Justice League. There is a failsafe for everyone. In the new Suicide Squad video game, he says there is no anti-Batman but then they send in Red Hood.

I think if you want to take that angle, you would have to say that Bruce's children collectively are the anti-Batman contingency and he trained them deliberately to fill that role in the worst case scenario.

If Bruce can trust only himself to stop Superman etc., he will only trust his children together to be able to stop him, should the worst happen.

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

The most unrealistic thing about Damian is that no one taught him how to use being a literal child to his advantage.

*Tim and Damian break a vase during their monthly brawl*

Tim: Shit! I think that one was a gift for his parent's wedding.

Damian: There's no other choice. Father will be here shortly. Follow my lead and we may both get out of this without being benched.

Bruce: Tim! Damian! What is going on!?

Damian: 🥺We're sorry Baba🧒🥺 we were just playing hide and seek and we accidentally ran into the vase🥺

Bruce: 🥹 are either of you hurt

Tim: I don't think so Dad. We're really sorry though

Bruce: 🥹💗💗ok. I'm pretty sure dad always hated that vase. Just be more careful from now on.

Tim: That was the most terrifying and impressive thing I have ever seen you do

Damian: You mustn't tell anyone!

Tim: No one is going to believe me! I don't believe me!

[geraldmariaivo]

This concept hasn’t left me alone since I saw that “Danny is a chemistry wizard who teaches a chem class, but in a very Fenton way” post, and i need to yell it out into the void.

Danny gets adopted by the batfam, but he’s like that with chemistry and mechanics and it gives them all a stroke. Especially Bruce. Doubly so if Danny is his bio kid or clone or something. 

Danny has an allowance and he buys the most concentrated shit on the market with it because he got bored and wanted to see if he could re-create the fear toxin antidote he saw in the cave, especially since they seem pretty low on it. Do they have to get it from somewhere else? Danny knows the Waynes are rich, but there has to be a better way to do it than buying it for an arm and a leg. Maybe he’ll mess around and do the one for joker venom later. 

Lab safety? Oh, yeah Dick, I’ve got my goggles and gloves and jumpsuit on. Of course I have the hood up. Turn on the vent? What vent? Why would I need a vent? Labels? Dude, look at it, it’s cetrimonium chloride. Oh, yeah, that’s the shampoo i got it from. You’d be surprised how many things you can isolate from household stuff. 

Why would I use machines to measure this? Isn’t that for when you’re already busy doing something else? Yeah, like the centrifuge running over there. *gestures vaguely off to the left, to some abomination of mechanics* Whatddya mean that’s a safety hazard? It’ll stay together just fine; I made sure to use a new bike chain.

Where’s the rest of the blueprints? What do you mean “that’s it”? Aren’t there revisions and ideas? Where’s the reminders? Why’s there only one machine???

meanwhile the bats are wondering how the fuck the Fentons get literally anything done with lab safety apparently being a suggestion at best, and their storage system apparently being categorized by nine layers of nonsense and how violent the invention has the potential to be, if Danny’s ramblings are anything to go by. And Bruce “I need plans and contingencies for everything” Wayne is absolutely trying to not have an aneurysm from how much Danny just Does Things with no warning and no way that should feasibly work.