#As a person who hasn’t read the books I’ll probably never understand how important they are as a political backdrop to the story

[mariathechosen1]

Seeing a lot of people criticize Netflix’s 3 Body Problem for its casting choices (which I understand, they’ve definitely made an…….interesting decision), but when it comes to criticizing it as a show I think many are being a bit unfair.

I get that a lot of people don’t like it when adaptations change elements of their favorite book, but this show was honestly pretty well made! Not to mention visually stunning!

I watched it with my dad, who has read all the books and who’s a really big fan, while I’m only vaguely familiar with the book plot, but we both really liked it! I definitely agree with some critics that the show sometimes struggles (especially in the first episodes) with giving us proper direction and motivation (something/someone to root for ya know?) but that fixed itself a bit as we got to know the main cast more and more. The show’s biggest flaw (except for all the weird af adaptation choices) is that they don’t give us more time with our main cast. They can be a bit flat at times, and I really feel like most of them carry a lot of unexplored potential.

Onto the positives: The way these guys do dialogue is just *chef’s kisses*. It’s smart, it’s layered, it’s funny and they never made exposition boring. I think a lot of the characters were ‘saved’ by just how great the dialogue was. Characters like Wade very quickly became favorites because of just how entertaining they were, while, on the other side, characters like Auggie seemed a bit ‘dull’ at times (though Auggie definitely became better once they gave her more agency). The show’s characters almost seem divided into two categories: Those with emotional depth, but dull dialogue, and those with no depth, but awesome dialogue. Sometimes it balances itself out, other times it’s a bit frustrating.

I was also pleasantly surprised by how they handled the horror element of the story. While probably not as effective as in the original book (converting written to visual horror is a challenge of its own caliber.), there were several scenes that very much scared the shit out of me.

I also cried……several times. Kudos to Alex Sharp for a breathtaking performance.

I think this show is best suited for two types of people: 1) People who haven’t read the books, but who are interested in some nice sci fi, and 2) Book fans…….who aren’t too emotionally attached to the original storyline.

[tennessoui]

would you ever do a hunger games au? like anakin and obi-wan in the arena and doing a katniss and peeta thing where they both survive? anakin maybe killing the competitors so obi-wan wouldn't have to? (just thinking that child killing is in character for him) anyway no pressure or anything I just haven't stopped thinking about a hunger games au of obikin and. I thought maybe you could do something with it!

i need you to know i shamefully snorted at the child murder thing i'm sorry and i'm also sorry this took so long and it's a bit all over the place and doesn't actually get into the Games at all (+ it's been years since I read the books so all inaccuracies should be tastefully ignored pls) this may not be what you asked for tbh but here you go!!

(content warnings: hunger games typical discussion of child murder, but nothing graphic)

(1.7k)

Anakin’s first emotion after his name is called is a strange sense of relief.

Good, he thinks. I’ll get to go with Obi-Wan. He won’t be alone.

He dutifully steps forward out of the crowd towards the stage, where the announcer is waiting next to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan who is looking at him with an expression of naked devastation.

Anakin tries to convey that it’ll be alright, that it’s fine, that they knew this was a possibility. Sure, it’s Anakin’s last year eligible to be in the Games. Sure his nineteenth birthday is in two weeks, at which point he would become too old to qualify as a child to the Capitol, but what’s done is done.

Obi-Wan will be his mentor, because Obi-Wan has been the mentor for District Four ever since he won his own Games seven years ago when he was sixteen and Anakin was twelve.

That year’s known unofficially as the most boring Games in Panem history, but the Capitol loves how handsome Obi-Wan’s grown to be. So what if he didn’t kill his competitors messily or with a bloodthirsty joy? He’s so polite in his interviews all these years later, and look at those dimples!

It makes Anakin sick, every time Obi-Wan has to leave District Four and travel to the Capitol to be fawned over and stroked and used. His nightmares are always worse the weeks after he gets back, and he never lets Anakin hold him during them.

And it’s even worse during the actual Games, when Obi-Wan is put in charge of two children’s lives only to see them brutally murdered on screen a week later. The cameras always show his reaction when the competitors from District Four die. They must think he cries pretty or something.

Anakin hates the Capitol. He hates them for what they’ve done to Obi-Wan. What they’ve made him into

As he gets close enough to the stage, he notices that Obi-Wan’s hands are shaking slightly.

He doesn’t even listen to the name of the girl being called. She’s not important. She’ll be dead in a few days time. What’s important is Obi-Wan. What’s important is comforting him, is reassuring him. Is coming back to him.

This is the moment when Anakin resolves that these Games will become known as the quickest in history.

---

The girl is understandably sullen and upset on the train. “I should get a different mentor!” she demands. “It’s obvious you’re going to play favorites with him.”

Anakin doesn’t snap back because she’ll be dead in a few days. Though she really shouldn’t use that tone with Obi-Wan.

“I’m not playing favorites,” Obi-Wan insists. “I don’t have favorites.”

“You literally just wiped sauce off his mouth with your finger,” the girl points out. “And then he licked it!”

Anakin smirks at her. Of course Obi-Wan has favorites. Of course Anakin is Obi-Wan’s favorite. It took him years to wear down Obi-Wan until he allowed him this close, and years after that until he finally got to kiss him for the first time, just a few months ago.

If she thinks he’s going to give up any of his Obi-Wan time so she can get her hopes up about not dying in a few days, she’s got another thing coming.

But Obi-Wan shifts away from him and he looks guilty.

If Anakin could get away with killing the other person from his district, he would. But it’d probably make Obi-Wan sad.

“Is whining part of your strategy?” he asks waspishly instead. “I don’t think it’ll make you many allies.”

She has the nerve to look offended.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan chides. Underneath the table, he squeezes his knee.

“Everyone in the district knows about you two,” she glares at him. “You haven’t exactly kept it a secret.”

Anakin hasn’t exactly tried to keep it a secret. The first night Obi-Wan had kissed him, he went straight home and told his mother, his neighbor, his schoolmates, his cat, and his ex-girlfriend.

(No one had been surprised, except maybe the cat.)

“It’s not fair,” she cries. “Who can I talk to to get a different mentor for me?”

“The ethics board,” Anakin smiles, all teeth, settling back into his seat and slinging an arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulders.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says again, this time more exasperatedly. “Robin, I promise I will be the best mentor you can ask for. It is my wish to see you survive as long as possible in the next few weeks.”

The girl jumps to her feet in outrage. “You can’t even say you want me to win!” she yells. There are tears at the corners of her eyes. If she were a little less annoying, Anakin would feel quite bad for her. Obviously Obi-Wan doesn’t want her to win. Anakin’s right here.

She storms out of the train compartment, her face in her hands. Anakin barely waits for the door to close before he’s slipping into Obi-Wan’s lap and throwing his arms around his neck with a groan. “God, I thought she’d never leave.”

He isn’t pushed away. Obi-Wan must realize they only have a handful of days left to be together before he goes into the arena.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says wearily, even as his arms encircle his waist.

Anakin presses a kiss to his nose and then another to his cheek. “It’s alright to have favorites, Obi-Wan,” he murmurs. “And she should know there’s no way she’s winning anything. Don’t waste your time.”

“I will do everything I can to make sure she survives as long as possible,” Obi-Wan repeats. “I don’t think I can survive anything else.”

Obi-Wan’s voice sounds shaky, so Anakin presses their lips together. Best not to talk for awhile.

------

“We should discuss strategy,” Obi-Wan says later that night through frantic kisses. “Sponsors, story, training--”

“I have a strategy,” Anakin murmurs back as he moves further down the bed, rucking up his partner’s shirt. “Win.”

----

“You look absolutely radiant,” Anakin tells the girl in an undertone while they’re in line for their interviews. She turns around to glare at him. The designer for their district has gone for the typical fish designs that people always associate with District Four, and they’ve dressed her up in a shimmering iridescent gown that flares at the ends like a fish’s tail.

Anakin’s own outfit is mostly a fishing net draped over one shoulder and a pair of tight pants. The designer, much to Obi-Wan’s embarrassment and Anakin’s satisfaction, had taken one look at his shirtless chest and decided to dress him in as little clothes as possible.

“Weird braid,” is all she says.

Obi-Wan had done it late last night when both of them had tired each other out and Anakin had curled up on his chest. After his Games, Obi-Wan’s hands like to do something. The repetitive motion of braiding and unbraiding Anakin’s hair soothes his demons.

It’s one of the reasons Anakin’s grown it out to his shoulders, much longer than is practical for his district.

Obi-Wan had gone to unbraid it, and Anakin had stopped him. He wanted to keep it. To wear it into the Games.

“Thank you,” he says generously. “I saw your score. 7’s not too bad.”

She sneers at him. “Did you celebrate your 11 with your boyfriend?”

“Oh sorry,” he winces. “Did you hear us? I’m just so bad at biting my tongue when he does this thing with his.”

She scoffs in disgust and turns back around. “I hope he has to watch you die.”

Anakin glares at her back. He knows he can’t kill her himself. But there has to be a way to hurt her and her chances and still have plausible deniability.

When it’s her turn for an interview, she’s vapid and pretty. She laughs and touches the interviewer’s arm.

“I’ve never spent much time in District Four,” the interviewer says jovially. “But tell me, really. Is everyone there as beautiful as the people you keep sending us? I mean. Obi-Wan Kenobi, ladies and gentlemen, am I right?” The audience laughs and hollers. Anakin hates them all. “And now you, Robin, and Anakin Skywalker. Damn!”

Robin--Anakin needs to stop forgetting her name--giggles high in her throat. “It was a very, very enjoyable train ride up,” she says with a stupid wiggle of her eyebrows. “Just this side of too long.”

The audience loses it.

Anakin loses it.

He can’t believe she’s sitting there publicly suggesting that Anakin shares Obi-Wan with anyone. With her. The nerve.

The camera pans to Obi-Wan in the crowd, who looks shocked, embarrassed, and deeply troubled.

Anakin won’t let this stand. He just hopes Obi-Wan forgives him.

The interviewer greets him excitedly when he walks out, and Anakin gives him a sheepish sort of smile.

“Lady killer Skywalker!” the interviewer says. Anakin laughs along with him. “All the girls back home must have been heartbroken to see you leave.”

“But I’ve heard they love watching me go,” he jokes with a charming smile. If that girl--Robin--can do it, he can do it much better. “There’s really only one person for me though,” he murmurs, letting his smile die.

“Oh?” The interviewer asks, leaning forward with interest.

“But sometimes I wonder if they’re only using me for my body,” he says, casting his eyes down. “I love them. Heart and soul, everything I am. But when I told them, they just laughed.”

This is technically true. The first time Anakin had told Obi-Wan that he was in love with him, the older boy had laughed his confession off, saying he was too young to know what he wanted.

“Oh, to be young and in love,” the interviewer sighs theatrically. “So your plan is to win the Games and then win her heart when you get back home?”

Anakin makes himself look sad. Tragically sad. Like he can’t bear to go on.

“They came with me,” he says.

If the audience’s reaction to Robin’s fake confession was huge, its reaction to Anakin’s words is even bigger. Of course they think he’s talking about the girl. That’s exactly what Anakin had wanted. Now he’s the broken-hearted boy and she’s the vapid, self-absorbed bitch. She'll have a hard time finding sponsors now.

It’s very, very hard to hide his smile, a task made exponentially more hard when he sees Obi-Wan bury his face in his hands.

“It’s alright,” Anakin tells the interviewer, without taking his eyes off of Obi-Wan. “I’ll survive.”

[thefanficmonster]

Filterless

Corpse Husband x Plus-sized Reader (Female)

Warnings: Body Image Insecurities, Low self-esteem, Swearing

Genre:  Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Feeling comfortable in her skin has hardly ever been the case for Y/N who’s been struggling with body image issues all her life. However, they only get worse when she sees the ‘type’ of girls her crush is into.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your request (hits close to home 😅) I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to fulfill it and post it but here it finally is and if you’ve stuck around long enough to read it, I hope you enjoy! ALSO! - Never forget how beautiful and amazing you are. Never compare your beauty to someone else’s. We’re all beautiful people and we all shine so brightly and uniquely. No one deserves to be compared to anyone when we’re all so different yet so incredible. Love you and appreciate you with all my heart, Vy ❤

If I ever need my ego taken down a few notches - it never does, it’s barely even present, to be honest - all I have to do is go on Instagram. To be honest, regardless of how I’m feeling, opening that app is bound to make my mood plummet and come crashing into the ground so hard it drives a hole in it - probably in the form of a broken heart.

Being a content creator myself, I often get asked questions about my absence on that social platform specifically. I mean, the questions are based and rational I guess, considering I’m not a faceless YouTuber and yet my Instagram account is void of any photos. It’s not like I don’t post at all - I do! I post on my story often but it’s more often than not scenery I find pretty or a poster I’ve made for a movie/video game. Bottom line is: I barely ever allow a picture of me to make it online. The most my fans are ever gonna get of me is a selfie which is also a super rare occurrence because of how long it takes me to take and choose one I don’t hate.

Ok, but how am I supposed to find the motivation to post any sort of picture of myself when on my timeline I’m always faced with people worthy of posting pictures of themselves. People with such perfect bodies and beautiful faces. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous or envious of those people - good for them! They know what they’re working with and they’re working it well. I have nothing against them, in fact, I love seeing people proud of their bodies no matter their size, shape or weight. Those are my role-models: people who are proud of themselves, their bodies, their attributes and capabilities and don’t hesitate to show them off. Those are the people I look up to but, deep down inside I know I’ll never be like.

Insecure about my body, having been referred to as ‘chubby’ and ‘squishy’ all my life. Inappreciative of the stuff I do: starting from my job as a graphic designer leading towards my job on YouTube - nothing I do, professionally or otherwise, satisfies me. Nothing I do is enough in my eyes because I feel incapable of ever being able to do enough. I’ve been called lazy and a half-asser a few too many times to be able to brush it off as a meaningless insult. 

With these problems I’ve had with myself and my own perception of who I am and the work I do, I’ve never had the time for romance or romantic relationships. I second-guess the intentions of everyone who ever shows any interest in me because in my mind I’m nothing special and I have nothing to offer - nothing attractive or likable at least. That being said, I haven’t even been one to make heart eyes at others either. I busy myself with my job and some side-gigs, brushing off any relationship questions with the excuse that I’m ‘just too busy to be in a relationship’ which is technically true.

Having spent twenty plus years with that mindset, one can imagine how surprised I was when I found myself catching feelings for someone. And that someone just couldn’t be any other than the biggest YouTube sensation at the moment - Corpse Husband.

I’m close friends with Poki - her and I were roommates at one point too - so her inviting me to play Among Us with them wasn’t so strange. One or two games, I thought, nothing unusual there, just friendly curtesy. I wasn’t expecting to warm up to the group of famous streamers nor did I expect them to welcome me among them so easily, mostly because my channel is so small and practically invisible to the YouTube algorithm. But soon enough, I became a permanent member of the team, making friends with every single one of those YouTubers I practically thought of a celebrities.

This journey of branching out to other content creators has proven itself to be surprisingly pleasant and has packed my book of friendships to the brim. All of that came unexpectedly, along with a wave of new subs and a higher view count. However, as I mentioned, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. I came to finally understand what my high school friends were talking about when they were head over heels for a boy - the butterflies in the stomach whenever he speaks your name; the importance of the laugh you share with him, how special and different it is; how cool it is to be impostors with him - ok they never said that, obviously, but it’s what I have as a substitute to the ‘when the two of you make eye-contact’ bullshit since Corpse and I have never seen each other in person. That is, of course, because of him being a faceless YouTuber and me being a self-conscious and insecure girl.

We do talk all the time though - texting, calling, chilling on Discord, you name it. Our conversations range from deeply philosophical to ones that might mislead someone into thinking we’re high. There’s no topic we haven’t touched upon and yet we still manage to find something new to talk about. We have plenty of similarities but we also never seem to run out of differences we slowly come across as we keep getting to know each other better and better. 

And somewhere along that journey I ended up catching feelings.

Human nature of wanting to connect with other people, I curse you for what you’ve done to me.

You might think I’m being overdramatic about the whole ordeal and that this is just a normal, natural occurrence many people experience in their life - some even daily. Well, not only am I far from used to it, but it’s also taking a toll of a different kind on me.

It’s like a constant slap to the face. 

That slap turned into a punch when Corpse and I started following each other on Instagram and I started getting daily reminders of how out of my depth I am with this crush on him. In over my head, especially when you look at all those girls whose pics and videos he reposts on his story. Imagine how that makes me feel, what that does to me - puts me back into the ‘Constantly not good enough‘ basket, the one I’ve been fighting to get out of all my life. In the past and in different contexts I could easily say that it was all just my mind hating me intensely but now - now that I know for a fact I’m not good enough and don’t fit Corpse’s criteria - it hurts ten times as much. I’m not one to do shit for someone’s attention or to attract someone’s eyes, but it really hurts my feelings. Often times, it also leads me to doing dumb things and making rash decisions. 

Like the one I made two days ago.

Imagine me cringing and shaking my head at my own stupidity as I admit this: I, in a frenzy, ordered a whole e-girl getup with overnight delivery. 

Wait, hold up, it gets worse. 

I received it yesterday and spent the whole day regretting that decision, but then, in my most insecure hours - which was somewhere around midnight - I equipped the get-up, took a picture and posted it on my Instagram page. First full body pic I’ve ever posted on there. First pic I’ve posted there of any kind. There to stay, not to be gone in twenty four hours. First pic, and it’s not even of me. It’s of who I want to be in order to fit someone’s criteria. And that fucking stings.

As you might imagine, I’ve spent today’s day regretting that decision as well. Recently my mood’s been nothing but regretting rash decisions that have surfaced under the influence of my ridiculous, constantly-present insecurities. And I would’ve probably gotten over it rather quickly had I not received a message from Corpse that read:

“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic“

I didn’t open the message, I peeped at it as it was a notification on my lock screen. It’s still there, an unread notification. It’s been two hours since I received it and I cannot think of a single thing to say in response to that. 

Truth is, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of so many things right now.

I’m afraid of becoming that girl in the photo, cause I’m most definitely not her.

I’m afraid of letting Corpse down by admitting I’m not her.

I’m afraid of what my own mind has made me do because it hates me so much and I’m terrified of what it might do in the future.

I’m afraid and stranded on things to do.

You can’t be her forever, you know. Being her won’t make your insecurities go away, it’ll only make them worse. Haven’t you learned that by now?

I sigh, frustrated and irritated with myself as I grab my phone and tap on the notification, finally deciding to face the music and allow my instincts to carry me through the interaction. Improvisation, that’s one of the few things I’m good at. Let’s hope it doesn’t fail me.

I’m just about to type out my response - not sure what it’s gonna say - when I give the message Corpse has sent me a second glance.  I furrow my brows, finding there’s more to it than that peep through the notification let me see.

“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic. You’re personality is so bright and colorful, I could’ve never imagined you were into the darks and blacks“

Because I’m not

I fail to realize until the message has been sent that my thoughts are exactly what I typed out and sent.

And honestly, I’m glad. It feels like I’ve spoken my truth, like I’ve lifted a huge boulder off my chest.

With that rare confidence in mind I go on and delete the picture.

In its spot, I post a picture I just now took - a mirror selfie in my homey get-up consisting of hot pink sweatpants and an oversized blue tee, my hair in a messy bun, my face free of make-up.

I caption it: ‘Oops, had the e-girl filter on for the last one. This is filterless me tho so...Hi 🥴’

A lot better, I’m surprised to hear my inner voice say. I hope I don’t get used to all this kindness on my brain’s part, probably won’t last, but damn if I don’t milk every second of it.

Just then, I receive a new message from non other than Corpse.

“Now that’s the girl I see when I think of you. She’s super cute 😉“

My, oh my, who would’ve guessed Corpse has a game like that - and by that I mean the ability to make me blush so intensely with only a text message.

Now ain’t that better than being someone else, Y/N?

It sure is, it sure is.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse

[potteresque-ire]

Can you talk more about the usage of the word "wife" to talk about men in the BL context? I've noticed it in BJYX (particularly with GG), in the (English translations) of MDZS, and then it came up in your recent posts about Danmei-101 (which were super helpful btw) with articles connecting the "little fresh meat" type to fans calling an actor "wife." My initial reaction as a westerner is like "this is very problematic," but I think I'm missing a lot of language/cultural context. Any thoughts?

Hello! First of all, for those who’re interested, here’s a link to the referred posts. Under the cut is arguably the 4th post of the series. As usual, I apologise for the length!

(Topics: seme and uke; more about “leftover women”; roster of feminisation terms; Daji, Bao Si & the origin of BJYX; roster of beautiful, ancient Chinese men; Chairman Mao (not part of the roster) ...)

[TW: feminisation of men]

In the traditional BL characterisation, the M/M (double male) lead pairing is essentially a cis-het relationship in disguise, in which one of the M leads is viewed as the “wife” by the creator and audience. This lead often possesses some of the features of the traditional, stereotypical female, but retaining his male appearance. 

In BL terms, the “wife” is the “uke”. “Seme” and “uke” are the respective roles taken by the two male leads, and designated by the creator of the material. Literally, “seme” (攻め) means the dominant, the attacking / aggressive partner in the relationship and “uke” (受け), the passive / recipient (of actions) partner who tends to follow the seme’s lead. The terms themselves do not have any sexual / gender context.  However, as male and female are viewed as aggressive and passive by their traditional social roles, and the attacker and recipient by their traditional sexual roles respectively, BL fandoms have long assigned uke, the passive, sexual “bottom”, as the “woman”, the “wife”. 

Danmei has kept this “semi” and uke” tradition from BL, taking the kanji of the Japanese terms for designation ~ 攻 (”attack” is therefore the “husband”, and 受 (”receive”), the “wife”. The designations are often specified in the introduction / summary of Danmei works as warning / enticement. For MDZS, for example, MXTX wrote:

高貴冷豔悶騷 攻 × 邪魅狂狷風騷 受

高貴冷豔悶騷 攻 = noble, coolly beautiful and boring seme (referring to LWJ)  邪魅狂狷風騷 受 = devilishly charming, wild, and flirty uke (referring to WWX) 

The traditional, stereotypical female traits given to the “uke”, the “wife” in Danmei and their associated fanworks range from their personality to behaviour to even biological functions. Those who have read the sex scenes in MDZS may be aware of their lack of mention of lube, while WWX was written as getting (very) wet from fluids from his colon (腸道) ~ implying that his colon, much like a vagina, was supplying the necessarily lubrication for sex. This is obviously biologically inaccurate; however, Danmei is exempt from having to be realistic by its original Tanbi definition. The genre’s primary audience is cishet females, and sex scenes such as this one aren’t aiming for realism. Rather, the primary goal of these sex scenes is to generate fantasy, and the purpose of the biologically female functions in one of the leads (WWX) is to ease the readers into imagining themselves as the one engaging in the sex.

Indeed, these practices of assigning as males and female the M/M sexual top and bottom, of emphasising of who is the top and who is the bottom, have been falling out of favour in Western slash fandoms ~ I joined fandom about 15 years ago, and top and bottom designations in slash pairings (and fights about them) were much more common than it is now.  The generally more open, more progressive environments in which Western fandomers are immersed in probably have something to do with it: they transfer their RL knowledge, their views on biology, on different social into their fandom works and discourses. 

I’d venture to say this: in the English-speaking fandoms, fandom values and mainstream values are converging. “Cancel culture” reflects an attempt to enforce RL values in the fictional worlds in fandom. Fandom culture is slowly, but surely, leaving its subculture status and becoming part of mainstream culture. 

I’d hesitate to call c-Danmei fandoms backward compared to Western slash for this reason. There’s little hope for Danmei to converge with China’s mainstream culture in the short term ~ the necessity of replacing Danmei with Dangai in visual media already reflects that. Danmei is and will likely remain subculture in the foreseeable future, and subcultures, at heart, are protests against the mainstream. Unless China and the West define “mainstream” very similarly (and they don’t), it is difficult to compare the “progressiveness”—and its dark side, the “problematic-ness”—of the protests, which are shaped by what they’re protesting against. The “shaper” in this scenario, the mainstream values and culture, are also far more forceful under China’s authoritarian government than they are in the free(-er) world. 

Danmei, therefore, necessarily takes on a different form in China than BL or slash outside China. As a creative pursuit, it serves to fulfil psychological needs that are reflective of its surrounding culture and sociopolitical environment. The genre’s “problematic” / out of place aspects in the eyes of Western fandoms are therefore, like all other aspects of the genre, tailor-made by its millions of fans to be comforting / cathartic for the unique culture and sociopolitical background it and they find themselves in. 

I briefly detoured to talk about the Chinese government’s campaign to pressure young, educated Chinese women into matrimony and motherhood in the post for this reason, as it is an example of how, despite Western fandoms’ progressiveness, they may be inadequate, distant for c-Danmei fans. Again, this article is a short and a ... morbidly-entertaining read on what has been said about China’s “leftover women” (剩女) — women who are unmarried and over 27-years-old). I talked about it, because “Women should enter marriage and parenthood in their late 20s” may no longer a mainstream value in many Western societies, but where it still is, it exerts a strong influence on how women view romance, and by extension, how they interact with romantic fiction, including Danmei.

In China, this influence is made even stronger by the fact that Chinese tradition  places a strong emphasis on education and holds a conservative attitude towards romance and sex. Dating while studying therefore remains discouraged in many Chinese families. University-educated Chinese women therefore have an extremely short time frame — between graduation (~23 years old) and their 27th birthday — to find “the right one” and get married, before they are labelled as “leftovers” and deemed undesirable. (Saving) face being an important aspect in Chinese culture introduces yet another layer of pressure: traditionally, women who don’t get married by the age agreed by social norms have been viewed as failures of upbringing, in that the unmarried women’s parents not having taught/trained their daughters well. Filial, unmarried women therefore try to get married “on time” just to avoid bringing shame to their family.

The outcome is this: despite the strong women characters we may see in Chinese visual media, many young Chinese women nowadays do not expect themselves to be able to marry for love. Below, I offer a “book jacket summary” of a popular internet novel in China, which shows how the associated despair also affects cis-het fictional romance. Book reviews praise this novel for being “boring”: the man and woman leads are both common working class people, the “you-and-I”’s; the mundaneness of them trying build their careers and their love life is lit by one shining light: he loves her and she loves him. 

Written in her POV, this summary reflects, perhaps, the disquiet felt by many contemporary Chinese women university graduates:

曾經以為，自己這輩子都等不到了—— 世界這麼大，我又走得這麼慢，要是遇不到良人要怎麼辦？早過了「全球三十幾億男人，中國七億男人，天涯何處無芳草」的猖狂歲月，越來越清楚，循規蹈矩的生活中，我們能熟悉進而深交的異性實在太有限了，有限到我都做好了「接受他人的牽線，找個適合的男人慢慢煨熟，再平淡無奇地進入婚姻」的準備，卻在生命意外的拐彎處迎來自己的另一半。

I once thought, my wait will never come to fruition for the rest of my life — the world is so big, I’m so slow in treading it, what if I’ll never meet the one? I’ve long passed the wild days of thinking “3 billion men exist on Earth, 0.7 of which are Chinese. There is plenty more fish in the sea.” I’m seeing, with increasing clarity, that in our disciplined lives, the number of opposite-sex we can get to know, and get to know well, is so limited. It’s so limited that I’m prepared to accept someone’s matchmaking, find a suitable man and slowly, slowly, warm up to him, and then, to enter marriage with without excitement, without wonder. But then, an accidental turn in my life welcomes in my other half.

— Oath of Love (餘生，請多指教) (Yes, this is the novel Gg’d upcoming drama is based on.) 

Heteronormativity is, of course, very real in China. However, that hasn’t exempted Chinese women, even its large cis-het population, from having their freedom to pursue their true love taken away from them. Even for cis-het relationships, being able to marry for love has become a fantasy —a fantasy scorned by the state. Remember this quote from Article O3 in the original post? 

耽改故事大多远离现实，有些年轻受众却将其与生活混为一谈，产生不以结婚和繁衍为目的才是真爱之类的偏颇认知。

Most Dangai stories are far removed from reality; some young audience nonetheless mix them up with real life, develop biased understanding such as “only love that doesn’t treat matrimony and reproduction as destinations is true love”. 

I didn’t focus on it in the previous posts, in an effort to keep the discussion on topic. But why did the op-ed piece pick this as an example of fantasy-that-shouldn’t-be-mixed-up-with-real-life, in the middle of a discussion about perceived femininity of men that actually has little to do with matrimony and reproduction? 

Because the whole point behind the state’s “leftover women” campaign is precisely to get women to treat matrimony and reproduction as destinations, not beautiful sceneries that happen along the way. And they’re the state’s destination as more children = higher birth rate that leads to higher future productivity. The article is therefore calling out Danmei for challenging this “mainstream value”.

Therefore, while the statement True love doesn’t treat matrimony and reproduction as destinations may be trite for many of us while it may be a point few, if any, English-speaking fandoms may pay attention to, to the mainstream culture Danmei lives in, to the mainstream values dictated by the state, it is borderline subversive.

As much as Danmei may appear “tame” for its emphasis on beauty and romance, for it to have stood for so long, so firmly against China’s (very) forceful mainstream culture, the genre is also fundamentally rebellious.  Remember: Danmei has little hope of converging with China’s mainstream unless it “sells its soul” and removes its homoerotic elements. 

With rebelliousness, too, comes a bit of tongue-in-cheek.

And so, when c-Danmei fans, most of whom being cishet women who interact with the genre by its traditional BL definition, call one of the leads 老婆 (wife), it can and often take on a different flavour. As said before, it can be less about feminizing the lead than about identifying with the lead. The nickname 老婆 (wife) can be less about being disrespectful and more about humorously expressing an aspiration—the aspiration to have a husband who truly loves them, who they do want to get married and have babies with but out of freedom and not obligation.

Admittedly, I had been confused, and bothered by these “can-be”s myself. Just because there are alternate reasons for the feminisation to happen doesn’t mean the feminisation itself is excusable. But why the feminisation of M/M leads doesn’t sound as awful to me in Chinese as in English? How can calling a self-identified man 老婆 (wife) get away with not sounding being predominantly disrespectful to my ears, when I would’ve frowned at the same thing said in my vicinity in English?

I had an old hypothesis: when I was little, it was common to hear people calling acquaintances in Chinese by their unflattering traits:  “Deaf-Eared Chan” (Mr Chan, who’s deaf), “Fat Old Woman Lan” (Ah-Lan, who’s an overweight woman) etc—and the acquaintances were perfectly at ease with such identifications, even introducing themselves to strangers that way. Comparatively speaking then, 老婆 (wife) is harmless, even endearing. 

老婆, which literally means “old old-lady” (implying wife = the woman one gets old with), first became popularised as a colloquial, casual way of calling “wife” in Hong Kong and its Cantonese dialect, despite the term itself being about 1,500 years old. As older generations of Chinese were usually very shy about talking about their love lives, those who couldn’t help themselves and regularly spoke of their 老婆 tended to be those who loved their wives in my memory. 老婆, as a term, probably became endearing to me that way. 

Maybe this is why the feminisation of M/M leads didn’t sound so bad to me?

This hypothesis was inadequate, however. This custom of identifying people by their (unflattering) traits has been diminishing in Hong Kong and China, for similar reasons it has been considered inappropriate in the West.

Also, 老婆 (wife) is not the only term used for / associated with feminisation. I’ve tried to limit the discussion to Danmei, the fictional genre; now, I’ll jump to its associated RPS genre, and specifically, the YiZhan fandoms. The purpose of this jump: with real people involved, feminisation’s effect is potentially more harmful, more acute. Easier to feel. 

YiZhan fans predominantly entered the fandoms through The Untamed, and they’ve also transferred Danmei’s  “seme”/“uke” customs into YiZhan. There are, therefore, three c-YiZhan fandoms:

博君一肖 (BJYX): seme Dd, uke Gg 戰山為王 (ZSWW): seme Gg, uke Dd 連瑣反應 (LSFY): riba Gg and Dd. Riba = “reversible”, and unlike “seme” and “uke”, is a frequently-used term in the Japanese gay community. 

BJYX is by far the largest of the three, likely due to Gg having played WWX, the “uke” in MDZS / TU. I’ll therefore focus on this fandom, ie. Gg is the “uke”, the “wife”.

For Gg alone, I’ve seen him being also referred to by YiZhan fans as (and this is far from a complete list):

* 姐姐 (sister) * 嫂子 (wife of elder brother; Dd being the elder brother implied) * 妃妃 (based on the very first YiZhan CP name, 太妃糖 Toffee Candy, a portmanteau of sorts from Dd being the 太子 “prince” of his management company and Gg being the prince’s wife, 太子妃. 糖 = “candy”. 太妃 sounds like toffee in English and has been used as the latter’s Chinese translation.) * 美人 (beauty, as in 肖美人 “Beauty Xiao”) * Daji 妲己 (as in 肖妲己, “Daji Xiao”). 

The last one needs historical context, which will also become important for explaining the new hypothesis I have.

Daji was a consort who lived three thousand years ago, whose beauty was blamed for the fall of the Shang dynasty. Gg (and men sharing similar traits, who are exceptionally rare) has been compared to Daji 妲己 for his alternatively innocent, alternatively seductive beauty ~ the kind of beauty that, in Chinese historical texts and folk lores, lead to the fall of kingdoms when possessed by the king’s beloved woman. This kind of “I-get-to-ruin-her-virginity”, “she’s a slut in MY bedroom” beauty is, of course, a stereotypical fantasy for many (cis-het) men, which included the authors of these historical texts and folklores. However, it also contained some truth: the purity / innocence, the image of a virgin, was required for an ancient woman to be chosen as a consort; the seduction, meanwhile, helped her to become the top consort, and monopolise the attention of kings and emperors who often had hundreds of wives ~ wives who often put each other in danger to eliminate competition. 

Nowadays, women of tremendous beauty are still referred to by the Chinese idiom 傾國傾城, literally, ”falling countries, falling cities”. The beauty is also implied to be natural, expressed in a can’t-help-itself way, perhaps reflecting the fact that the ancient beauties on which this idiom has been used couldn’t possibly have plastic surgeries, and most of them didn’t meet a good end ~ that they had to pay a price for their beauty, and often, with their lowly status as women, as consorts, they didn’t get to choose whether they wanted to pay this price or not. This adjective is considered to be very flattering. Gg’s famous smile from the Thailand Fanmeet has been described, praised as 傾城一笑: “a smile that topples a city”.

I’m explaining Daji and 傾國傾城 because the Chinese idiom 博君一笑 “doing anything to get a smile from you”, from which the ship’s name BJYX 博君一肖  was derived (笑 and 肖 are both pronounced “xiao”), is connected to yet another of such dynasty-falling beauty, Bao Si 褒姒. Like Daji before her, Bao Si was blamed for the end of the Zhou Dynasty in 771 BC. 

The legend went like this: Bao Si was melancholic, and to get her to smile, her king lit warning beacons and got his nobles to rush in from the nearby vassal states with their armies to come and rescue him, despite not being in actual danger. The nobles, in their haste, looked so frantic and dishevelled that Bao Si found it funny and smiled. Longing to see more of the smile of his favourite woman, the king would fool his nobles again and again, until his nobles no longer heeded the warning beacons when an actual rebellion came. 

What the king did has been described as 博紅顏一笑, with 紅顏 (”red/flushed face”) meaning a beautiful woman, referring to Bao Si. Replace 紅顏 with the respectful “you”, 君, we get 博君一笑. If one searches the origin of the phrase 博 [fill_in_the_blank]一笑 online, Bao Si’s story shows up.

The “anything” in ”doing anything to get a smile from you” in 博君一笑, therefore, is not any favour, but something as momentous as giving away one’s own kingdom. c-turtles have remarked, to their amusement and admittedly mine, that “king”, in Chinese, is written as 王, which is Dd’s surname, and very occasionally, they jokingly compare him to the hopeless kings who’d give away everything for their love. Much like 傾國傾城 has become a flattering idiom despite the negative reputations of Daji and Bao Si for their “men-ruining ways”, 博君一笑 has become a flattering phrase, emphasising on the devotion and love rather than the ... stupidity behind the smile-inducing acts. 

(Bao Si’s story, BTW, was a lie made up by historians who also lived later but also thousands of years ago, to absolve the uselessness of the king. Warning beacons didn’t exist at her time.)  

Gg is arguably feminized even in his CP’s name. Gg’s feminisation is everywhere. 

And here comes my confession time ~ I’ve been amused by most of the feminisation terms above. 肖妲己 (”Daji Xiao”) captures my imagination, and I remain quite partial to the CP name BJYX. Somehow, there’s something ... somewhat forgivable when the feminisation is based on Gg’s beauty, especially in the context of the historical Danmei / Dangai setting of MDZS/TU ~ something that, while doesn’t cancel, dampens the “problematic-ness” of the gender mis-identification.

What, exactly, is this something?

Here’s my new hypothesis, and hopefully I’ll manage to explain it well ~

The hypothesis is this: the unisex beauty standard for historical Chinese men and women, which is also breathtakingly similar to the modern beauty standard for Chinese women, makes feminisation in the context of Danmei (especially historical Danmei) flattering, and easier to accept.

What defined beauty in historical Chinese men? If I am to create a classically beautiful Chinese man for my new historical Danmei, how would I describe him based on what I’ve read, my cultural knowledge?

Here’s a list:

* Skin fair and smooth as white jade * Thin, even frail; narrow/slanted shoulders; tall * Dark irises and bright, starry eyes * Not too dense, neat eyebrows that are shaped like swords ~ pointed slightly upwards from the center towards the sides of the face * Depending on the dynasty, nice makeup.

Imagine these traits. How “macho” are they? How much do they fit the ideal Chinese masculine beauty advertised by Chinese government, which looks like below?

Propaganda poster, 1969. The caption says “Defeat Imperialist US! Defeat Social Imperialism!” The book’s name is “Quotations from Mao Zedong”. (Source)

Where did that list of traits I’ve written com from? Fair like jade, frail ... why are they so far from the ... “macho”ness of the men in the poster? 

What has Chinese history said about its beautiful men? 

Wei Jie (衛玠 286-312 BCE), one of the four most beautiful ancient Chinese men (古代四大美男) recorded in Chinese history famously passed away when fans of his beauty gathered and formed a wall around him, blocking his way. History recorded Wei as being frail with chronic illness, and was only 27 years old when he died. Arguably the first historical account of “crazy fans killing their idol”, this incident left the idiom 看殺衛玠 ~ “Wei Jie being watched to death.” ~ a not very “macho” way to die at all.

潘安 (Pan An; 247-300 BCE), another one of the four most beautiful ancient Chinese men, also had hoards of fangirls, who threw fruits and flowers at him whenever he ventured outside. The Chinese idiom 擲果盈車 “thrown fruit filling a cart” was based on Pan and ... his fandom, and denotes such scenarios of men being so beautiful that women openly displayed their affections for them. 

Meanwhile, when Pan went out with his equally beautiful male friend, 夏侯湛 Xiahou Zhan, folks around them called them 連璧 ~ two connected pieces of perfect jade. Chinese Jade is white, smooth, faintly glowing in light, so delicate that it gives the impression of being somewhat transparent.

Aren’t Wei Jie and Pan An reminiscent of modern day Chinese idols, the “effeminate” “Little Fresh Meat”s (小鲜肉) so panned by Article O3? Their stories, BTW, also elucidated the historical reference in LWJ’s description of being jade-like in MDZS, and in WWX and LWJ being thrown pippas along the Gusu river bank. 

Danmei, therefore, didn’t create a trend of androgynous beauty in men as much as it has borrowed the ancient, traditional definition of masculine Chinese beauty ~ the beauty that was more feminine than masculine by modern standards.  

[Perhaps, CPs should be renamed 連璧 (”two connected pieces of perfect jade”) as a reminder of the aesthetics’ historical roots.]

Someone may exclaim now: But. But!! Yet another one of the four most beautiful ancient Chinese men, 高長恭 (Gao Changgong, 541-573 BCE), far better known by his title, 蘭陵王 (”the Prince of Lanling”), was a famous general. He had to be “macho”, right?

... As it turns out, not at all. Historical texts have described Gao as “貌柔心壮，音容兼美” (”soft in looks and strong at heart, beautiful face and voice”), “白美類婦人” (”fair and beautiful as a woman”), “貌若婦人” (”face like a woman”). Legends have it that The Prince of Lanling’s beauty was so soft, so lacking in authority that he had to wear a savage mask to get his soldiers to listen to his command (and win) on the battlefield (《樂府雜錄》: 以其顏貌無威，每入陣即著面具，後乃百戰百勝).

This should be emphasised: Gao’s explicitly feminine descriptions were recorded in historical texts as arguments *for* his beauty. Authors of these texts, therefore, didn’t view the feminisation as insult. In fact, they used the feminisation to drive the point home, to convince their readers that men like the Prince of Lanling were truly, absolutely good looking.

Being beautiful like a women was therefore high praise for men in, at least, significant periods in Chinese history ~ periods long and important enough for these records to survive until today. Beauty, and so it goes, had once been largely free of distinctions between the masculine and feminine.

One more example of an image of an ancient Chinese male beauty being similar to its female counterpart, because the history nerd in me finds this fun. 

何晏 (He Yan, ?-249 BCE) lived in the Wei Jin era (between 2nd to 4th century), during which makeup was really en vogue. Known for his beauty, he was also famous for his love of grooming himself. The emperor, convinced that He Yan’s very fair skin was from the powder he was wearing, gave He Yan some very hot foods to eat in the middle of the summer. He Yan began to sweat, had to wipe himself with his sleeves and in the process, revealed to the emperor that his fair beauty was 100% natural ~ his skin glowed even more with the cosmetics removed (《世說新語·容止第十四》: 何平叔美姿儀，面至白。魏明帝疑其傅粉，正夏月，與熱湯餅。既啖，大汗出，以朱衣自拭，色轉皎然). His kick-cosmetics’-ass fairness won him the nickname 傅粉何郎 (”powder-wearing Mr He”).

Not only would He Yan very likely be mistaken as a woman if this scene is transferred to a modern setting, but this scene can very well fit inside a Danmei story of the 21st century and is very, very likely to get axed by the Chinese censorship board for its visualisation. 

[Important observation from this anecdote: the emperor was totally into this trend too.]

The adjectives and phrases used above to describe these beautiful ancient Chinese men ~ 貌柔, 音容兼美, 白美, 美姿儀, 皎然 ~ have all become pretty much reserved for describing beauty in women nowadays. Beauty standards in ancient China were, as mentioned before, had gone through significantly long periods in which they were largely genderless. The character for beauty 美 (also in Danmei, 耽美) used to have little to no gender association. Free of gender associations as well were the names of many flowers. The characters for orchid (蘭) and lotus (蓮), for example, were commonly found in men’s names as late as the Republican era (early 20th century), but are now almost exclusively found in women’s names. Both orchid and lotus have historically been used to indicate 君子 (junzi, roughly, “gentlemen”), which have always been men. MDZS also has an example of a man named after a flower: Jin Ling’s courtesy name, given to him by WWX,  was 如蘭 (”like an orchid”). 

A related question may be this: why does ancient China associate beauty with fairness, with softness, with frailty? Likely, because Confucianist philosophy and customs put a heavy emphasis on scholarship ~ and scholars have mostly consisted of soft-spoken, not muscular, not working-under-the-sun type of men. More importantly, Confucianist scholars also occupied powerful government positions. Being, and looking like a Confucianist scholar was therefore associated with status. Indeed, it’s very difficult to look like jade when one was a farmer or a soldier, for example, who constantly had to toil under the sun, whose skin was constantly being dried and roughened by the elements. Having what are viewed as “macho” beauty traits as in the poster above ~ tanned skin, bulging muscles, bony structures (which also take away the jade’s smoothness) ~ were associated with hard labour, poverty and famine.

Along that line, 手無縛雞之力 (“hands without the strength to restrain a chicken”) has long been a phrase used to describe ancient scholars and students, and without scorn or derision. Love stories of old, which often centred around scholars were, accordingly, largely devoid of the plot lines of husbands physically protecting the wives, performing the equivalent of climbing up castle walls and fighting dragons etc. Instead, the faithful husbands wrote poems, combed their wife’s hair, traced their wife’s eyebrows with cosmetics (畫眉)...all activities that didn’t require much physical strength, and many of which are considered “feminine” nowadays.

Were there periods in Chinese history in which more ... sporty men and women were appreciated? Yes. the Tang dynasty, for example, and the Yuan and Qing dynasties. The Tang dynasty, as a very powerful, very open era in Chinese history, was known for its relations to the West (via the Silk Road). The Yuan and Qing dynasties, meanwhile, were established by Mongolians and Manchus respectively, who, as non-Han people, had not been under the influence of Confucian culture and grew up on horsebacks, rather than in schools.

The idea that beautiful Chinese men should have “macho” attributes was, therefore, largely a consequence of non-Han-Chinese influence, especially after early 20th century. That was when the characters for beauty (美), orchid (蘭), lotus (蓮) etc began their ... feminisation. The Chinese Communist Party (CCP), which started its reign of the country starting 1949, also has foreign roots, being a derivative of the Soviets, and its portrayal of ideal men has been based on the party’s ideology, painting them as members of the People’s Liberation Army (Chinese army) and its two major proletariat classes, farmers and industrial workers ~ all occupations that are “macho” in their aesthetics, but held at very poor esteem in ancient Chinese societies. All occupations that, to this day, may be hailed as noble by Chinese women, but not really deemed attractive by them.

Beauty, being an instinct, is perhaps much more resistant to propaganda.

If anything, the three terms Article O3 used to describe “effeminate” men ~ 奶油小生 “cream young men” (popularised in 1980s) , 花美男 “flowery beautiful men” (early 2000s), 小鲜肉 “little fresh meat” (coined in 2014 and still popular now) ~ only informs me how incredibly consistent the modern Chinese women’s view of ideal male beauty has been. It’s the same beauty the Chinese Communist Party has called feminine. It’s the same beauty found in Danmei. It’s the same beauty that, when witnessed in men in ancient China, was so revered that historians recorded it for their descendants to remember. It doesn’t mean there aren’t any women who appreciate the "macho” type ~ it’s just that, the appreciation for the non-macho type has never really gone out of fashion, never really changed. The only thing that is really changing is the name of the type, the name’s positive or negative connotations.

(Personally, I’m far more uncomfortable with the name “Little fresh meat” (小鲜肉) than 老婆 (wife). I find it much more insulting.)

Anyway, what I’d like to say is this: feminisation in Danmei ~ a genre that, by definition, is hyper-focused on aesthetics ~ may not be as "problematic” in Chinese as it is in English, because the Chinese tradition didn’t make that much of a differentiation between masculine and feminine beauty. Once again, this isn’t to say such mis-gendering isn’t disrespectful; it’s just that, perhaps, it is less disrespectful because Chinese still retains a cultural memory in which equating a beautiful man to a beautiful woman was the utmost flattery. 

I must put a disclaimer here: I cannot vouch for this being true for the general Chinese population. This is something that is buried deep enough inside me that it took a lot of thought for me to tease out, to articulate. More importantly, while I grow up in a Chinese-speaking environment, I’ve never lived inside China. My history knowledge, while isn’t shabby, hasn’t been filtered through the state education system.

I’d also like to point out as well, along this line of thought, that in *certain* (definitely not all) aspects, Chinese society isn’t as sexist as the West. While historically, China has periods of extreme sexism against women, with the final dynasties of Ming and Qing being examples, I must (reluctantly) acknowledge Chairman Mao for significantly lifting the status of women during his rule. Here’s a famous quote of his from 1955:

婦女能頂半邊天 Women can lift half the skies

The first marriage code, passed in 1950, outlawed forced marriages, polygamy, and ensured equal rights between husband and wife.  For the first time in centuries, women were encouraged to go outside of their homes and work. Men resisted at first, wanting to keep their wives at home; women who did work were judged poorly for their performance and given less than 50% of men’s wage, which further fuelled the men’s resistance. Mao said the above quote after a commune in Guizhou introduced the “same-work-same-wage” system to increase its productivity, and he asked for the same system to to be replicated across the country. (Source)

When Chairman Mao wanted something, it happened. Today, Chinese women’s contribution to the country’s GDP remains among the highest in the world.  They make up more than half of the country’s top-scoring students. They’re the dominant gender in universities, in the ranks of local employees of international corporations in the Shanghai and Beijing central business districts—among the most sought after jobs in the country. While the inequality between men and women in the workplace is no where near wiped out — stories about women having to sleep with higher-ups to climb the career ladder, or even get their PhDs are not unheard of, and the central rulership of the Chinese Communist Party has been famously short of women — the leap in women’s rights has been significant over the past century, perhaps because of how little rights there had been before ~ at the start of the 20th century, most Chinese women from relatively well-to-do families still practised foot-binding, in which their feet were literally crushed during childhood in the name of beauty, of status symbol. They couldn’t even walk properly.

Perhaps, the contemporary Chinese women’s economic contribution makes the sexism they encounter in their lives, from the lack of reproductive rights to the “leftover women” label, even harder to swallow. It makes their fantasies fly to even higher, more defiant heights. The popularity of Dangai right now is pretty much driven by women, as acknowledged by Article O3. Young women, especially, female fans who people have dismissed as “immature”, “crazy”, are responsible for the threat the Chinese government is feeling now by the genre.

This is no small feat. While the Chinese government complains about the “effeminate” men from Danmei / Dangai, its propaganda has been heavily reliant on stars who have risen to popularity to these genres. The film Dd is currently shooting, Chinese Peacekeeping Force (維和部隊), also stars Huang Jingyu (黄景瑜), and Zhang Zhehan (張哲瀚) ~ the three actors having shot to fame from The Untamed (Dangai), Addicted (Danmei), and Word of Honour (Dangai) respectively.  Zhang, in particular, played the “uke” role in Word of Honour and has also been called 老婆 (wife) by his fans. The quote in Article O3, “Ten years as a tough man known by none; one day as a beauty known by all” was also implicitly referring to him.

Perhaps, the government will eventually realise that millennia-old standards of beauty are difficult to bend, and by extension, what is considered appropriate gender expression of Chinese men and women. 

In the metas I’ve posted, therefore, I’ve hesitated in using terms such as homophobia, sexism, and ageism etc, opting instead to make long-winded explanations that essentially amount to these terms (thank you everyone who’s reading for your patience!). Because while the consequence is similar—certain fraction of the populations are subjected to systemic discrimination, abuse, given less rights, treated as inferior etc—these words, in English, also come with their own context, their own assumptions that may not apply to the situation. It reminds me of what Leo Tolstoy wrote in Anna Karenina,

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

Discrimination in each country, each culture is humiliating, unhappy in its own way. Both sexism and homophobia are rampant in China, but as their roots are different from those of the West, the ways they manifest are different, and so must the paths to their dissolution. I’ve also hesitated on calling out individual behaviours or confronting individuals for this reason. i-Danmei fandoms are where i-fans and c-fans meet, where English-speaking doesn’t guarantee a non-Chinese sociopolitical background (there may be students from China, for example; I’m also ... not entirely Western), and I find it difficult to articulate appropriate, convincing arguments without knowing individual backgrounds.

Frankly, I’m not sure if I’ve done the right thing. Because I do hope feminisation will soon fade into extinction, especially in i-Danmei fandoms that, if they continue to prosper on international platforms, may eventually split from c-Danmei fandoms along the cultural (not language) line due to the vast differences in environmental constraints. My hope is especially true when real people are involved, and c-fandoms, I’d like to note, are not unaware of the issues surrounding feminisation ~ it has already been explicitly forbidden in BJYX’s supertopic on Weibo. 

At the same time, I’ve spent so many words above to try to explain why beauty can *sometimes* lurk behind such feminisations. Please allow me to end this post with one example of feminisation that I deeply dislike—and I’ve seen it used by fans on Gg as well—is 綠茶 (”green tea”), from 綠茶婊 (”green tea whore”) that means women who look pure / innocent but are, deep down, promiscuous / lustful. In some ways, its meaning isn’t so different from Daji 妲己, the consort blamed for the fall of the Shang dynasty. However, to me at least, the flattery in the feminisation is gone, perhaps because of the character “whore” (婊), because the term originated in 2013 from a notorious sex party rather than from a legendary beauty so maligned that The Investiture of the Gods (封神演義), the seminal Chinese fiction written ~2,600 years after Daji’s death, re-imagined her as a malevolent fox spirit (狐狸精) that many still remembers her as today.

Ah, to be caught between two cultures. :)

[alfredolover119]

I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story. 

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that. 

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee 

-18k, teen, major character death 

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN. 

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham. 

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN 

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

[outoftheframework]

characterization cheat sheet: the batfamily boys

Hey everyone! I had the idea to compile a comprehensive list of different traits and attributes for each member of the batfamily based off of both canon and fanon interpretations. I think this could be useful for new members to the fandom, or those looking to write and/or draw for these characters. Remember that these will have a slight bias considering I, a fanon creator, am creating the lists. But I’ll try to make them as accurate as possible.

Appearances vary from artist to artist, so I’ll try to stray away from general details and add more little things you can consider in your art.

Bruce Wayne:

Age: 35-45

Appearance: Extremely physically fit, but signs of aging and prolonged exertion can slip through. Has a collection of scattered scars varying from fresh to fully healed. Strong, dark features. Conventionally attractive, but can easily switch to be foreboding/intimidating. Well kept in public appearances, but can look like death incarnate when in private.

Personality: Dual personas: “Bruce” (at home, but not as batman) and “Brucie” (public appearances like galas, news interviews). Bruce is stoic, well-read and educated, well-mannered, and occasionally can be witty and laid-back. Smirks rather than smiles. Brucie is loud, spontaneous, charming, and sometimes oblivious. He is the womanizer and scandal-maker. Often the actions of Brucie are motivated by Batman’s interests.

Speech: Bruce was mainly raised by as English butler, so his speech patterns are proper and smooth. Rarely uses speech fillers such as “uh” and “um,” except when interrupted while concentrating. Despite living in Gotham his entire life, he has not picked up the accent. His voice is newscaster American, almost impossible to pinpoint to a certain region. His speech as Brucie changes to relate more to the audience he is addressing. Speeches to Gotham high society will sound different than those aimed to the general public.

Additional Attributes: Bruce Wayne in all of his personalities is fiercely protective, and can easily slip into a deeper voice to intimidate. Bruce can be extremely empathetic and slightly impulsive when it comes to children who have lost their parents. As learned through his training to become Batman, Bruce is disciplined and can work for hours straight.

Dick Grayson:

Age: 23-29

Appearance: Dick Grayson mirrors a young Bruce Wayne despite their not being blood related. This could be a subconscious action by Dick to absorb traits of his father figure. His lean acrobatic body starts to set him apart from Bruce’s image. Dick manages to be well-built but still limber and flexible. His feet and hands are rough and calloused. His hair can get long but usually stays at a length in between Bruce’s and Tim’s. His eyes are bright blue without even a hint of green or brown. 

Personality: In one comic I believe it was Superman who said that Dick Grayson is a universal constant, meaning that on every alternate earth or timeline, you can always rely on him to be good and pure. I think this really sums up who Dick should be. He is kind to a fault, and can sometimes be naive and not think things through. He loves to love, be that in his family, in his romantic relationships, in his friendships, and even in strangers. He is a chronic hero who only wants to see the world as a better place. But it’s important to note that Dick can get angry when pushed, and holds grudges.

Speech: Dick is an extremely interesting study in speech patterns. As a child he traveled with the circus, until he lived with clear-spoken Bruce Wayne and a proper English butler. So influences to his speech and accent come both internationally and locally to Gotham and Bludhaven. As a child living at Wayne Manor, Dick picks up a slight Gotham tinge to his accent with some British flourish in his vowel sounds. He regularly speaks in slang. As Nightwing he is able to suppress his unique speech to sound more evenly American.

Additional Attributes: Dick acts differently around each of his family members as to be what they need in a big brother. For example, he is more fatherly to Damian while to Tim he is more an equal. Dick can fidget and has less of an attention span than Bruce. He can use jokes as a coping mechanism.

Jason Todd: 

Age: 22-26

Appearance: Hair is often long on top and shorter on the sides, sometimes with a white streak as a side effect from the Lazarus Pit. Tallest and heaviest of all the kids, very physically intimidating. Has a lot of scars and burns, and in some fan works he has a “Y” shaped scar the length of his chest from his autopsy. Never skips leg day. Green/blue eyes.

Personality: Jason goes through a lot of character development, but for this list I’m going off a timeline of post-Under the Red Hood, where Jason is on okay, yet still a little shaky, terms with the rest of the family. Jason has a hard time separating vigilante life and civilian life; his death as Robin ended his life as Jason Todd, blurring the lines between the two. Jason is legally dead, so he is basically building an identity back up. He holds some attributes from childhood: brave, impulsive, loud-mouthed, and street-smart. But his experiences post-Robin have made him a hardened loner. He lives modestly and with some semblance of order. He’s hard to foster a relationship with, but can be a passionate friend/family member when he opens up.

Speech: Jason probably has the least influence from Bruce and Alfred’s speech patterns, seeing as though he spent a lot more time with his biological family/on the streets than he did as a preteen in the manor. He is the definition of Gotham vernacular, with a rough edge. So much so that as a child, the high society gala attenders sometimes had a hard time understanding him. Often talks in curt, short sentences.

Additional Attributes: He has trouble expressing his emotions, more specifically anger and/or grief. Can both love or hate furiously. Inherently good, but sometimes does “bad” things. Protective over children, especially those living on the street. Very much a believer in “the ends justify the means.”

Tim Drake:

Age: 17-20

Appearance: Pale skin, dark hair. Sharp cheek bones and jawline, mostly from how skinny he is. His body isn’t technically “built” to be extremely athletic, but he’s forced a nice lean build from stringently working out. Easily loses and gains weight as a direct result of his work, causing fluctuations in his build. Five foot something, will eventually be out-grown by Damian. Long hair that can still be styled to look professional.

Personality: Tim Drake is very passionate in pretty much everything he sets his mind to. He feels as though he imposed himself onto Batman to become Robin, so he works twice as hard to prove his worth. He can be self conscious and deprecating. Tim as Robin or Red Robin is very different than civilian Tim; his hero personas can be bolder and more confident. Despite dropping out of high school, he values education.

Speech: Tim grew up rich, and his speech reflects an intelligence gained from private tutors. Despite this, he knows how to interact with those his age in using less formal language and slang. Often quotes books and movies. Can be awkward and stumble over his words when teased by his friends/family. He can manipulate people easily in business settings by talking fast and confidently while explaining complex topics.

Additional Attributes: Tim’s demeanor is directly tied to his varying levels of confidence and anxiety. Tim is has above-average intelligence and is diligent in detective work, but can still act like a teenager. He can be stubborn to extremes and will patiently play the long con. He does not cope well with loss.

Duke Thomas:

Age: 17-19

Appearance: Short dark hair, shaved on the sides and/or the back. Often wears the colors yellow and black. Around the same height as Tim, but a little taller. Stronger and heavier build more alike to Jason than Dick, but he’s still light on his feet. Expressive face that can give away his feelings easily. Still a bit of a baby face, but he’s still well-proportioned and conventionally handsome.

Personality: In my works, I’ve often described Duke as having a “sun-shiny” personality. He is one to not even think twice about putting others before himself. Duke uses his own personal experiences to guide him as a hero rather than suppress his emotions. Duke went from being an only child to having a large family, so he can sometimes feel overwhelmed. He is on friendly terms with every member of the batfamily, as well as many other heroes. Duke is self-sacrificial and is still learning how to effectively work as a detective.

Speech: Duke grew up in a middle class Gotham family, so his speech is influenced by his parents as well as his city environment. Duke has a mild Gotham accent and speaks a lot in modern slang. He hasn’t had much influence from Bruce and Alfred, considering he hasn’t lived with them for long. It’s possible that as he grows he will pick up some influences from Bruce and Tim’s way of speaking, but will most likely hold onto the accent of his childhood.

Additional Attributes: Duke is a metahuman vigilante in a city where Batman typically bans them, which causes a bit of an insecurity and a perfectionist drive. These are exasperated by the long line of history preceding him, as well as the fact that he involved himself in the Robin movement rather than being handpicked by Batman. He and Tim can relate in that way. Duke is an ardent student of Batman and is dedicated to the cause.

Damian Wayne:

Age: 10-14

Appearance: Looks similar to Bruce when he was the same age, yet stronger and with tanner skin. His hair is expertly cut and styled, but still age-appropriate. He is the shortest of the batkids, but still has a lot of time and potential to grow. He pretty much won the genetics lottery with Bruce and Talia as his biological parents, and is made for athletics. He has some scars that stand out with their pale coloring against his tan skin. 

Personality: Damian is slowly becoming less of a brat, to put it bluntly. He admires his family and tries to mimic them, but will never confess it. Damian is quick to judge and will voice his opinion no matter how scathing it may be, both as civilian and hero. Damian is slowly realizing he may not want the Batman mantle as quickly as he planned. Jon is a perfect foil to Damian, and often makes him a better person when they’re together. 

Speech: His speech is proper and formal. Prefers formal titles: ex. “father” over “dad” and last names over first. Damian is at least bilingual (Arabic and English), and can switch between languages easily. Most of his speech patterns developed from his tutors in the League, and more recently, Alfred. Influences like Jon and Dick have introduced him to a more modern, laid-back way of speaking, which he sometimes utilizes when relaxed.

Additional Attributes: Damian has problems with authority, especially those that he doesn’t respect like his teachers at school. He can be arrogant and childish ever though he often acts like he knows everything. Damian is still a child and has much to learn from batman and family as well as unlearn from his time at the League. Dami was forged to be a ruthless warrior, but now has to find a balance between the hero Robin and the child Damian Wayne.

Hope this helps someone! Feel free to add on if you think I missed anything. Just please remember to be civil and respect different interpretations of these characters. Let me know if you want another one of these posts outlining the girls or other characters.

[girl4music]

BUFFY REWATCH - S04E22 - Restless

Tara: “I think it’s strange. I mean, I think I should worry that we haven’t found her name.”

Willow: “Who, Miss Kitty?”

*shot of their kitten, playing with a ball of red yarn in slow-motion*

Tara: “You’d think she’d let us know her name by now.”

Willow: “She will.

*looking down at Tara*

She’s not all grown yet.”

Tara: “You’re not worried?”

Willow: “I never worry here. I’m safe here.”

Tara: “You don’t know everything about me.”

Willow: “Have you told me your real name?”

Tara: “Oh, you know that.

*Willow smiles, reaches for something. Shot of a paintbrush dipping into ink jars*

They will find out, you know. About you.”

Willow: “Don’t have time to think about that. You know I have all this homework to finish.”

*the camera pulls back so we can see Tara is lying face-down on her bed, naked, and Willow is painting on her back*

Tara: “Are you gonna finish in time for class?”

Willow: “I can be late.”

Tara: “But you’ve never taken drama before.

*shot of Willow dipping the paintbrush again, moving it across to Tara’s back, which is covered with Greek symbols*

Might miss something important.”

Willow: “I don’t wanna leave here.”

*Tara twists back to look at her*

Tara: “Why not?”

*Willow stands up, looking down at Tara. She turns away toward a dark red curtain. Walks over to it*

Willow: “It’s so bright.

*pulls back the curtain to reveal a brightly sunlit desert. The light falls on Tara, who looks over. Looking back at Tara, still holding the curtain open*

And there’s something out there.”

*shot of the desert, straggly plants, rocks. We briefly see something (someone?) moving, then it’s gone. Shot of the kitten stalking forward toward the camera, in slow-motion*

I have been so anxious to get to this episode and write my meta. For all the time I’ve brought up Willow’s insecurities, this is the one and only episode that lays them all bare for everybody to see, if - and this is important -, you are clever enough to decipher the code of visual symbolism and possess the ability of interpretation. Pretty much all of the episode ‘Restless’ requires you to interpret what you see. You’re not told straight-forwardly what the dreams, each of the core 4 Scooby members have, are about and that’s precisely what I love about it and why it is probably my most favourite episode of the whole show.

Now, obviously, I’m only going to be talking about Willow’s dream in the episode because if I were to do an analysis of every character’s dream, I’d be here all day and this recap would be incredibly long. I would suggest watching YouTuber Passion Of The Nerd’s analysis for it to get the whole picture. Much of what I will write here will draw from that as I agree with quite a lot of it and think it makes a lot of sense in understanding each character. Every character has fears, worries and insecurities, and that’s what these dreams are specifically about, but Willow’s go much deeper than can be witnessed in all of the show due to her “hiding” them under a “thinly-veiled” persona of who she wants to be. For the most part, you only get to see who she wants you to see. It is not until this episode that all of Willow’s real thoughts and feelings take center-stage - quite literally. There’s a reason why both her dreams in ‘Nightmares’ and ‘Restless’ have her performing on stage. The former, being more about stage fright and about wanting to go unnoticed. The latter, about acting like something she’s not and “putting on a show” of confidence and security to the other characters, who she fears knows about “the real her”, and the audience watching her. Now, “the real her” is as ambiguous as this entire dream sequence is - meaning: it depends on your point of view who Willow is. And this is why I clash with @confusedguytoo about Willow often regarding my views and opinions on Willow. They see something different to me. However, I’ll let them better explain that if they so wish to. I’ll only explain what I see - in Willow - and in this episode.

I relate Willow’s insecurities to her accumulation of power and need for control. For me, much of what I interpret in ‘Restless’ ties in and very much foreshadows Willow’s magic addiction and ‘Dark Willow’ storyline in Season 6 because, to me, Dark Willow is less about the Magicks and more about power and rage, (Anya interjects here: “and vengeance, don’t forget vengeance”). So I will go through the meaning of Willow’s dream in ‘Restless’ from the way I interpret it and in my own words:

Starting off, we have Willow sat on Tara’s bed with Tara (well, actually Tara is laying down on it and Willow is sat on it.) Tara is turned away from Willow as Willow paints some writing on her bare back (see Passion Of The Nerd’s analysis to know what is being written because it’s very significant to the scene.) This part of Willow’s dream has more to do with Tara than Willow, but it’s important to remember that it’s all from Willow’s perspective. Willow worries that there’s something about Tara that Tara isn’t telling her. Something she’s not “facing her” with and letting her know bothers her. But other than that - she has no worries. She feels safest with Tara and, as I’ve previously mentioned in another recap, is much more invested in the relationship they share than Tara is at this point in it. And the scales don’t actually equal in that because Willow becomes uncomfortably and unhealthily invested in that she starts to abuse Tara in such a way where she wants to make sure Tara pays the most attention to her. And magic has always been the best way for Willow to have “her will be done” well before Tara entered the picture of her life. And so, she knows it’s her bread and butter to getting her way.

Moving on, we now see Willow walking the halls of Sunnydale high school and Xander and Oz are in the dream. No Tara. Meaning this part of the dream is something passed in her life but still very present in her mind. Although this is of the past, the dialogue between all 3 characters is about Willow’s then-future. There is mention of Tara and of the drama class they will take in college. I interpret this to mean that Willow can’t entirely let go of what was to focus on what is or what will be. Hence why Oz is in the scene and why he says “Oh, I’ve been here forever” when Willow asks him if he’s ever took the drama course - at which point we see Willow trying to take something out of her locker but can’t seem to get it open. I interpret this to mean she’s locked out and cannot access that part of her life anymore despite still thinking about it, and specifically Oz, in it. You see, Oz may have followed Willow to college, but he never stayed. Their relationship was only one that existed in high school and Willow has regretfully moved on from Oz and entered a new relationship that exists in college and will last beyond that. She cannot access her high school life anymore. She cannot access Oz anymore. Thus, their love affair was tied to their high school life and Willow no longer goes there.

At this point we see Willow walk out of the frame, leaving Xander and Oz behind, to stand backstage of a production in their drama class - of which Willow has never even rehearsed for and hasn’t even had her first drama class yet. And the characters of Harmony, Riley and Buffy are dressed up in costume ready to perform the play and tell Willow that she’s late but she’s “already” dressed in “costume” and “already” in “character”. Giles then enters the scene as the stage director and his dialogue in rallying his actors to get ready to perform reveals that this play is all about Willow. In fact - she’s the main character in it (go figure) and everybody in the audience, including the cast, is there to watch her perform.

“Acting is not about behaving, it’s about hiding. The audience wants to find you, strip you naked, and eat you alive, so hide.” - Giles.

Next Willow goes behind the stage curtains (which are red to represent a vagina, apparently, according to Whedon in the commentary track for ‘Restless’) and finds Tara among them with her who tells her that things aren’t going very well. Willow says that drama class is not being done in the “proper” way, she doesn’t know what to do, and the play’s starting soon. Tara then tells her that the play’s already started and that’s not the point anyway. Willow doesn’t understand. As the play happens without Willow, Tara disappears, and what was following Willow attacks her.

Buffy saves her and we go back to Sunnydale high school. This time we’re in a classroom. It isn’t clear which class but it’s presumably English as Willow reads out a book report on ‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe’. Before she does that though, Buffy tells Willow that the play is long over and asks her why she’s still in “costume”. Willow responds that it’s not a costume, she’s just in her outfit of the day. Buffy tells her that everybody already knows about her and to take her “costume” off, to which Willow panics and refuses. Buffy rips her “costume” off of her to reveal her wearing the clothes she was wearing on the very first episode of the show. Now, Willow stands in front of a full classroom of her peers (both from high school, college, and the Scooby Gang) mocking her for her appearance and her reaction to being totally exposed to what she believes everybody perceives of her as the truth of who she really is. Still a shy loser. The dream sequence ends with what was following Willow and attacked her throughout; the first Slayer sucking out her soul and leaving the real Willow paralyzed in her sleeping state. Unable to escape from her personal Hell.

So what does it all mean? Well, it really all depends on the way you interpret her dream. Some things about Willow and what she thinks and feels are clear, some are not. But how I’ve interpreted her dream in ‘Restless’ is that Willow, despite appearing a much more confident, secure and assertive person, doesn’t have any belief in herself when it comes to her value and requirement of her from her peers, friends and lovers… Or everyone that’s not her. Her need for validation in who she is and what she can do from everyone. Her worthiness in her work. Her ability and capacity to love. Her appearance to whoever perceives her. Especially the ones she loves. And her insecurities run so deep in this that even she doesn’t recognize them. She’s not aware to how much she’s acting like someone she’s not in order to please, in order to have attention, in order to feel of use to people. Now, it is not that she is still the loser. She’s definetly evolved into a much more worldly and well-rounded person since her high school days. Stronger, smarter, wiser, and more confident. It’s just she doesn’t believe in it and she absolutely fears no one else does either. In her mind she’s still the lonely nerd and she’s doing the most to make sure people don’t see that. Even though she has the belief that they do and always will. So her need for power and control all stems from these deep unconscious insecurities. Magic just happens to be the most effective tool for her to accumulate this. And she only becomes addicted to it in Season 6 because she relies on it to make her special. Even though she’s special as she is - with or without magic - to which Tara does her damnedest to make her aware of and believe. And she’s about the only person in the show that achieves it - until, of course, her death… Which, of course, triggers Dark Willow.

Willow's need for power and control as Dark Willow is channelled through rage and pain and so no amount of it is enough. Willow isn’t enough without Tara. None of these fears, worries and insecurities are the truth of Willow. But getting her to believe in and trust in that is next to impossible. Tara is only capable of it because she’s the one thing in the show that Willow truly loves. Is truly committed to. Is truly invested in. And she feels like she means and is nothing without her, without her love, without her attention, without her validation, without her light. She abuses her the most because she’s the one person in all of the show that she covets the most. That she doesn’t want to be without, that she feels the safest and is the happiest with. That she won’t let leave her life. Yes, it’s unhealthy. But true love can be when there’s so much inner turmoil. When there’s such a storm inside threatening to be unleashed with every bad day. Every screw up. Every "spaz" feeling. That's what it stems from. A loser mentality.

That is Willow’s entire predicament throughout the whole show and why her character representation, development and evolution is the greatest, the most profound, the most detailed, the most poignant. This is a character that you absolutely fall in love with very early on. To see them go from that gentle-natured, quirky, inspiring and endearing person to one of the most abusive, frustrating, corruptive and destructive people is hard. Fortunately, they’re given the endgame they deserve and become the hero. They learn to balance both sides to who they are - the dark and the light - and they become exactly who they want to be. Someone of great power and control. Someone that is valued and loved. Someone that matters. Whether she believes it or not is up to you. 😉

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I love that we as a fandom have declared the clem comic an noncanon lmao. i'm curious tho, do you believe clem will get a new love interest? do you think it will be amos or someone else?

Yeah, gotta love seeing a fandom come together to agree on something.... even though that something isn't exactly invoking happy feelings, y'know? Like yeah, the comic sucks and at this point I doubt the trilogy will be much better unless Tillie suddenly starts to understand Clementine and makes some impossibly massive improvements..... but it's nice to see all of us mostly getting along?

As for the whole love interest thing, I'm like 98% sure that Clementine's going to get a new girlfriend in the comics. That's my prediction.

During the dumb xpo thing, Tillie talked about how she's excited to explore Clementine as a queer character in the apocalypse and considering Tillie's other works, I will bet literal cash that Clementine gets a new girlfriend. I don't think Amos will be the love interest, and if he does end up being that for Clem or if Clem gets a boyfriend, then I will genuinely be shocked.

.....Y'know what, I need to get this off my chest and this seems relevant enough-

I was talking with my roommate about this the other night actually. I told her all about my predictions for Clem getting a new girlfriend and how annoying this whole comic is, but also how annoying people are being to Tillie over this and like.... everything is a mess.

My roommate, who knows that literally everything is wrong in the 12 page comic and who I told about the xpo where Tillie talked about Clem being queer is important, asked me how I would feel if she ended up getting Clementine's canon bisexuality wrong, and what if she decides to make Clementine a lesbian?

And like...... I actually stopped what I was working on because this wave of dread crashed through me at the thought of that, and I could actually imagine it happening because she already got everything else wrong and if she hasn't actually played the games and is pulling this shit out of her ass.... I can't even describe to you the feeling I felt...

I want to believe that Tillie would at least know and respect the fact that Clementine is a canon bisexual. From what I've gathered, Tillie herself is wlw and I don't believe she would erase a bisexual character. She knows that Clementine is a queer character. Clementine's bisexual.

Like obviously, if I'm right and Clementine gets a girlfriend, she'll still be bisexual. Nothing will ever change that.

But I'm going to tell all of you this right now because just thinking about it upsets me.... if for whatever reason, if Tillie Walden actually erases Clementine's bisexuality and makes her a lesbian in the graphic novel trilogy while "exploring what it means to be queer in the apocalypse," I'm done.

I will have nothing left for Tillie. I will no longer support anything she does. I won't condone harassment towards her because that makes you just as shitty, but I will absolutely call that bullshit out and then never support her again. I will never talk about the comic again because how dare you think you can get away with that and still expect me to waste brain cells on your comic? Hell, I will probably be so fucking livid that I'll drive my ass all the way to barnes and noble just to return the books I bought of hers.

Dramatic? Yeah, but y'know what? I've never really touched on this outside of a few "Clem being bisexual is important representation and we love it" but her being bisexual means so much to me. It truly does, I mean.... after the dumb "btw Javi is bi, we just wrote him straight and threw in a line of flirty dialogue with jesus so we can have our cake and eat it, too-- the straight homophobes will still buy our game and the lgbt+ community will love us, win win," I cannot explain the joy I felt when Clementine was written as a bisexual woman and that she was given two love interests that meant so much to the players.

Like.... I dunno, I never got any real bi rep in games or books or movies, especially bi girls, when I was a teen trying to figure shit out. In jr high and high school, I could never find stories that has bi women as a lead because I was too afraid to look anything up. I didn't wanna be caught reading/watching things that were lgbt+ because I had a shitty boyfriend at the time and our friend group were heavily religious and judgmental. My best friend [who I haven't spoken to for years now] was one of those people who claimed to support lgbt+ people.... but also once told me that she thought lesbians were okay but gay men were lowkey gross and probably only into other dudes because girls wouldn't date them. Oh, and I'll never forget the time she told me that bi people don't actually exist because you either like one or the other.

That's a great thing to here from the best friend you've know since you were an infant after you've realized that you aren't only attracted to boys.

But now I'm out of that environment and I haven't talked to anyone from high school since I graduated, and I've felt more free to intake all the things I wish I could've before...

I just.... Clementine is important to me for a lot of reasons. I've played these games forever, I've gotten to watch her grow for years, and she's just so well-written and amazing in tfs, and the fact that the writers wanted to write her as a bisexual woman means so much, I just.... even though it's not canon, I can't help but take this disaster of a comic personally. Just from those 12 pages, everything about Clementine is destroyed and it sucks. It hurts..... but I'm still not holding anything against Tillie herself. Her comic is bad, but that doesn't mean she's bad..... however, erasing Clem's bisexuality would be the last straw for me.

.....This turned into a rant. Sorry about that. You asked a simple question and I dumped my life story on you but I dunno, I needed to get that off my chest because it's been bothering the back of my mind.

I do wanna add once more that I don't think Tillie's actually going to do that... she should know that both Louis and Violet are canon love interests, plus Clementine canonically had a crush on Gabe in ANF. I think if she's going to get anything right, it'll be the fact that Clem is bi.... I'm just expressing a major fear I have and what it would do to me, and others, if it happened..... y'know?

[gucciwins]

Hate or Love

Harry and Y/N are stuck between two emotions, love and hate.

Word count: 5424

A/N: enemies to lovers, and yes there is a bit of smut. 

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

"What does the note from Harry say this time?"

Y/N doesn't have to turn around to know it's Dani who could not hold back her laughter. She turns her head to give her a stern look, ignoring the smile on her face. She turns her attention back to the folded sheet of paper addressed to Miss Cupcake. 

Y/N sighs. Her name is definitely not Miss Cupcake. Her neighbors know how to push her buttons. Hard. 

Asshole.

The door to her bakery swings wide open, and Sailor makes herself known. "Book club, ladies!" She yells. "I don't want to be late." Sailor stops right in front of them. Her eyes flicker to Dani's then Y/N's last to the note in Y/N's hands. A smile takes over her face.

"Stop. You both are too happy about these notes. It's ridiculous. May I remind you he's rude and very uptight." She slams the note down on the table. 

Dani gets up and makes sure to push her chair in to keep it nice and clean because she knows that's how Y/N likes the bakery. 

Dani and Sailor are wearing matching grins, and when together, they become a lot to handle. Dani is always the sweeter one, but not at this moment, she can melt the glare being sent to them both. Hand on her growing pregnancy belly and the other offered to Y/N. "Come on, let's see it." 

Y/N knows not to fight her and hands it right over. She knows that she loses all fights to her when she's cute and very pregnant. "Take it. It’s not even important."

"Sure, hun."

Sailor practically skips over to Dani as they huddle together to read the paper. Dani laughs before clearing her throat, obnoxiously. 

"Miss Cupcake-" She sends an amused look over to Y/N, and she rolls her eyes waiting for her to continue. "As I've mentioned in previous notes, I don't think your cat knows where it's home is. May you please get this under control, or I'll be forced to take action to fix this situation of ours. H" 

"That wasn't so bad. It's sweet." Y/N rolls her eyes, knowing it's hopeless. 

"Y/N, you should definitely go on a date with him. He's got a nice sense of humor. You agree right, Sail? If I didn't have Marco, I'd want a chance with him." 

Pregnancy makes Dani crazy. 

"Nope. You are both out of your mind." 

Dani waves the note as if the answer is right in front of her. "It's obvious he's only doing this to get you to talk to him. He wants to rile you up, which is obviously working."

"You can't really believe that. He hates me. And Alpine, obviously. He's the biggest sweetheart, he always comes home for a cuddle. I don't understand why he keeps going over there, I give him his favorite snacks, let him take over my pillows." Y/N sighs. 

Sailor taps her finger on her chin before pointing at Y/N. "He doesn't hate you."

She shakes her head in denial. "No, he does. He has from the moment he moved in."

Dani disagrees. "You almost hit him with a hockey stick when you first met him."

"Nope, you can't judge me for that. He started moving at four am. It was still dark, I got scared. My first thought, just like everyone else's, would be that someone broke in." She shakes her head at her friends. 

Sailor nods in agreement. "I think I would have hit him before he was able to get a word out. I understand your reaction."

Dani snorts at her. "Fair enough. I still think that you just got off on the wrong foot. He doesn't actually mind Alpine, but he does send you the notes because he can never use his balcony." She stops for a second before pointing her finger very close to your eye. "You're also partaken in the game."

"Me?" Y/N says in disbelief. "I'm an angel." 

"Yes, you. You're just going to ignore the catnip incident." Dani smirks

Heat rushes to Y/N's cheeks rather quickly. "Once. I did it once, and I was half sober." 

"Half sober?" Dani raises her eyebrows. 

"I don't get drunk, so yes, half sober." 

"I'm sure it was like two times, you called me after each time." 

Sailor throws Y/N a big grin. "Two times. You threw catnip on his balcony two times."

She shrugs. "Maybe I did, or maybe I didn't."

Sailor walks over and throws her arm over Y/N's shoulder, laughing. "Naughty, girl. You're bad, probably learned from me." 

The room fills with laughter at her comment, they calm down a moment after. Her face is still hot from her secret admission. 

Sailor's phone rings, and quickly after checking the screen, she nods as if answering the text. "As much as I want to know more, Abigail texted me. The girls are waiting for our arrival." 

Y/N lets out a slow breath of air. "Lead the way."

Dani leads the way, she looks back at Y/N over her shoulder. "Can't wait. Hot neighbor, here we come."

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

The first Thursday of the month. One of his favorite days, just like the third Thursday each month. It brings Harry lots of joy seeing his neighbor after each note. The color on her cheeks, stomping into the store as soon as she walks into the store. It's satisfying and sexy as hell.

Harry enjoys her sass and her beauty; their fun little game has allowed him to accept his new routine. He didn't expect to run a book/coffee shop. But he could never say no to his grandmother when she announced she was ready to retire. After losing his grandfather, she hasn't been the same. Gemma and Harry try their best to support her. He runs the shop, and Gemma visits as much as she can with her kids. He's lucky his mum runs the book store allowing him to focus on the rest. 

His grandmother never mentioned the book club of ladies that came included with the store. It's only two days a month, but it's nice. He enjoys having them there. Dot, Abigail, Margie, Sailor, Dani, and Y/N are the core of the group and a few others that attend sporadically. 

Y/N, his neighbor with her business next door and her apartment above and right next door, is Harry's favorite. She brings the delicious treats, everyone, raves about that she shares even though he knows it pains her. Bless her good manners. She's also a stunning woman. The most beautiful person he has ever seen. A true masterpiece. 

Harry walks over to the group, he stands directly behind where Y/N is sitting. "Good evening to you all." 

Harry knows all the other ladies have picked up on their flirty game. They caught on pretty quickly, everyone but her. Y/N's great, but how can someone so cute have no clue that he’s interested. Harry knows there has to be something there because she steals glances at him. 

"Would you all like your usual?" Harry's gaze moves across the group, catching everyone's collective yes's. "I'll get right on it." 

Harry walks out a big grin on his face. He's quick to finish their orders and bring them out. He heads back for the last two when he stops from entering the back room when he hears Y/N voicing her thoughts. 

"It seems unrealistic. No man will sweep you off your feet then kiss you breathless. Even less press you against a wall and kiss you until you forget your own name. The men we read about are fictional and hard to find if there are any left." 

Harry would love to kiss her, give her all the pleasure possible. He'd give it to her whenever she asked. 

The women are nodding along to her. Dani spots him standing there, and Harry has the sudden urge to go back to the station. She has a hard gaze set on him, and he feels like it's trouble waiting to happen. 

She smirks, her eyes not straying from Harry's "Oh, I believe there are men still out there. Don't you, Harry?"

Shit. 

Just as quickly, all eyes turn to me, and he plasters a grin on his face as he sets down the drinks for Dani and Sailor. He is quick to gather his thoughts, knowing they are waiting on him. "Yes, those men are out there. No one is perfect, but they are passionate and kind. The right partner brings out the best in you, all bets are off all is fair game for them both. Think it makes a relationship stronger and definitely spices up the bedroom."

Y/N mutters something under her breath that sounds like, "Okay, sure."

Harry is quick to look her way and catches her gaze. "Sorry, I missed that Y/N."

"What?" She questions back as her blush deepens, not breaking the stare. 

"You don't think that man is out there. You don't think a man can be passionate?" Harry wants her to see it in him. 

She shakes her head, causing loose hairs to fall out of her messy bun framing her face. He wants to reach out and brush it back. "No, they exist. I do believe they are out there. It's just incredibly rare, and most likely already taken. 

Harry nods, agreeing with her, as do. the ladies around her. "Could be that you aren't looking in the right places. Maybe," Harry pauses, looking her right in the eyes. "you aren't open to finding someone like that. or you're just picking the wrong ones." 

She leans back, and a look of hurt passing through her eyes, and Harry feels terrible. He didn't want to come across as an asshole, but that is precisely what happened. Hae's doing it all wrong. Harry hears the small chime of the door opening and takes that as his cue to leave. "Excuse me, ladies. Sorry to interrupt." 

Harry is happy to leave, unsure if he stayed there any longer he'd do something stupid like actually kiss Y/N. 

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

Y/N is whisking the batter for cupcakes when her thoughts drift back to Harry. 

Maybe you aren't open to finding someone. 

Three days since the book club and his voice is stuck in her head on a loop, it drives her crazy. He hurt her, but maybe he's right. 

Or you're picking the wrong ones.

He doesn't know her, how can he be right. Y/N is going to drive herself crazy thinking about this. Maybe every guy she's met has been perfect, and she's the one who ruins it. Perhaps, she's meant to never be loved. She sets down the bowl and whisk and sighs. Love might not even be for her. 

"Looks like lots of fun being in here." 

Y/N jumps and turns around quickly to wipe her face of the tear that slipped down her face. That male voice is unfamiliar in her back room. Her heart continues to pound as her eyes meet bright green ones. 

She sees his eyes shift to her outfit before landing on her eyes. She knows they're puffy and red because she got little to no sleep last night. Harry's got a shining smile, and she currently doesn't want to deal with his remarks no matter how right or wrong. 

He looks good in a loose white t-shirt and mustard flared pants that compliment his thighs well. Y/N stops staring when she reaches his eyes once more and sees the smirk on his face with a hint of concern. Y/N can't believe she's attracted to Harry, hell she might like him. She looks behind Harry and sees the piping bags waiting to be filled with pink frosting. She'd like to lick it off Harry. Y/N takes a step back to shake his thoughts out of her head. 

"Did you need something, or was ruining my day the only thing you had on the agenda?"

"Harsh." His hand flies to his chest in mock. That feeling is quick to disappear, and it's replaced by what looks like concern or even worry. "I heard a noise when I came back from a small delivery thought I'd check it out. These close back doors come in handy."

"Well, all is good here. Your presence is not needed." Y/N shoots him a fake smile, hoping it'll get him out of here. She feels guilty, she might have been a little mean. She was never known to be mean, but she doesn't know what it is about him. 

There's so much to say to Harry, but she knows he won't even hear it. Harry probably doesn't even realize how the words stayed with me, especially after saying it in front of the other ladies. He's judged me just like everyone else has, and for once, they might be right.

Maybe the men she chose did suck. She hated having high expectations, but it's what her mother taught her to do. Allow yourself only the best love and not to stop until she finds it. Until now, she's still looking. Maybe, she should stop.

Harry takes a step inside, he's four steps away. He looks too good, and what she wants to do is say he was right about her. That she wants him to show her what she's been missing all along. Then he'll grab her by the waist, sit her on the table and kiss her senseless. 

Too bad, life isn't a romance novel. 

She turns back around, going back to whisking. "Your grandma's cupcakes will be ready soon. Brandon is going to box them up, take them over, and save you the trip. 

"Did I do something?" She hears him take a few more steps, meaning he's right behind her. "I can tell you're upset. I can help." 

Y/N grips the table, trying to keep her calm. "You just made me realize that I was the problem in all my past relationships. That I'm the problem, all those past guys were never good to me. That it's my fault I was—" She cuts herself off before sharing more than she intended. “It doesn't matter, I see your point."

She can't see Harry's reaction, but she knows he's shocked. She's waiting for him to say something.

"That wasn't what I meant when I said that," Harry says slowly as if she'd turn around to hit him. 

"Tell me what you meant then." She meant to say it softly, but it came out harsh. 

"Y/N, there is someone here for a cake and want to have a consult with you." A worker of hers peeks through the door. 

"I'll be right there, Tamara. Please have them wait for me in the consulting room." Y/N shoots her a smile, and she leaves. 

Y/N heads to the sink to wash her hands and then leaves through the door Tamara left through. All without another glance or word to Harry. 

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

It's nightfall, and Harry feels awful. If Harry didn't know why he was feeling so bad, he'd think he would have a heart attack. The way she broke down on him. Harry hurt her, he didn't mean to, but he did. He's the biggest idiot. Instead of having her fall in love, he made her hate him. 

Harry had just turned off the lights and headed to his room when he heard a knock on his door. He turns the hallway light on before heading to the door.

Y/N and Harry share the main door to get access to the apartments meaning someone has to buzz to get in, but since it's a knock. Harry knows it's her. He's never been more thankful to see her beautiful face. 

There she stands in all her beauty. Her hair is a mess atop her head, makeup-free face, and a pair of short cupcake pajamas. Very fitting for his nickname for her. Her stunning eyes stare into him, sparking and ready to attack. 

She lifts her hand to point the finger at him.

"I'm angry with you." 

Harry nods. "Okay."

"You started this downfall I fell in. I can't stop thinking about all the dating and pleasure. I don't like it, and I don't need it, you got it?" 

Her cheeks go red before her next words. 

"It's not my fault. I haven't been able to find a good guy. It's also not my fault; they didn't treat me well." 

"Okay."

"I know my worth, and you and your words aren't going to mess that up. I'll keep my standards high, and I'll keep respecting myself." 

"Okay." 

"Harry, you're driving me crazy. Stop saying okay."

"Ok—" He's cut off by her finger landing on my lips. Her touch sends chills down his body, and he honestly craves more. Harry wants to take that finger in his mouth, lick it, and suck it as he wants to do the rest of her body. 

A gasp leaves her mouth, and Harry swears must be having the same thoughts as him. It's sexy, and Harry only has so much self-control. Harry wants to take a step forward, wrap his hands around her hips to pull her close to finally feel his skin against hers. Six months, he's been waiting six months for the very moment he could make her his. 

She's quick to move her finger away. She doesn't know what to say, and for a moment, neither does Harry. Her eyes meet Harry's finally, and he sees the desire burning in her. He steps close, giving her a chance to stop him or tell him, no, but that small nod is all he needs. 

Y/N is in his arms, and her mouth is on his. They attack each other like they're starving. 

Harry wants her. He wants her forever. 

All his life was leading up to this very moment. She's letting him in, and he couldn't be more grateful. 

Wine and chocolate Harry tastes that on her tongue. 

Intoxicating 

She moans into his mouth and presses closer, his hands begin to wonder as do hers. Her fingers tightening in his hair. She's driving Harry crazy, igniting a fire deep inside him. His hands grab her ass tightly, needing her close. 

Y/N breaks the kiss, her breathing harsh and warm in my face. "More...Harry, I want... more." 

That's all Harry needs to drag her into his apartment, shutting the door. He presses her against the cool wood, all thoughts the only focus is bringing her the pleasure she deserves. She bites his lip, and Harry lets out a low moan. She gasps when she feels how hard he is against her, wrapping a leg around his hips to get them even closer. 

Harry groans, he bends a little to grab her other leg. "Hold on, baby."

She holds on tightly, her hands around my neck. Harry tries his best not to lose control, he doesn’t want to come in his pants. He would never recover from the embarrassment.

Y/N arches her back, and she exposes her beautiful throat to Harry. He doesn't think twice before attacking. Biting, sucking, licking. He gives it all to her. Her moans and whimpers allow him to keep going knowing that she is enjoying it. Harry has never been this hard in his life, he wants this forever. 

Harry feels her breast and looks down to see her nipples straining against her top's thin fabric. He tugs on one through the material, and Y/N writhes against me, rubbing herself desperately against him. Harry's just as desperate feeling the friction. 

Harry shifts her weight in his arms to move one of his hands between their bodies, finding her sensitive spot. He wants to see her come, he craves it. 

Harry returns his lips back to hers simultaneously, his fingers slip between her shorts and find the right spot. Harry's the one holding her, but Y/N's the one in control controlling our kiss and moving against his hand that is against her wet silk panties. 

Harry swallows every moan and whispers she lets out, it's all for him. She lets a loud moan against his lips then breathes out his name. Harry knows he's ruined forever after watching her come. 

Harry knew how amazing she was from the moment she almost hit him with a hockey stick while wearing her sunflower pajamas. He didn't expect her to change his entire life. 

He helps her come down her high as they both try to catch their breaths. As he set her down, he didn't pull away, keeping his hands on her waist and lips close by. Harry feels on fire, having her so close still. Harry brushes away the hair framed around her face, and he cups her cheeks, he's making sure he has her full attention. "Let's make one thing clear. Every single man you dated was an idiot. Any man and I mean any, would be lucky to have you." 

Y/N swallows. "Okay." 

He nods, "Okay?"

She nods her head up and down. "Okay, yes." 

Harry slips his hand in hers and brings it to his lips to kiss her soft hands. "Let's get some sleep." 

Harry leads the way with a smile on his face. As soon as they enter the room, he scoops in his arms and drops her gently in the bed, he climbs in the act. Once they are both comfortable, he drops the covers over them.

Harry hugs her tight. He's never been happier than he is right now with her in his arms. 

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

"Can you repeat that?" Sailor's and Julia's voice blasts from the phone speaker. Y/N's thankful they aren't there to witness her embarrassment. Her face feels on fire. 

"Uhh...I left. I walked right out." 

Silence fills the air of the apartment. 

Dani sighs. She knows it is Dani because she's dramatic and likes to really drag it out. As much as they tease her, they love her, and she loves them. 

 "Explain, please." 

Y/N takes a sip of her chamomile tea that always helps her relax, but that's not the case this time. "Well, you know what happened last night. I woke up a little freaked out in his arms. Not that it was bad, it was amazing. I panicked."

"Continue," Dani urges her on. 

“I gave him a wave and walked out." Y/N knows that's embarrassing and doesn't want to see Harry. 

Dani is the first to laugh then Sailor follows suit. 

Y/N lets out a little laugh because it was funny, not her proudest moment. 

"Harry seems like an understanding person. Talk to him." Sailor suggested, all while still laughing. "Please stop embarrassing yourself."

The doorbell rings before she gets a chance to answer. "I've got to go. My pizza has arrived. Thanks for listening." 

The girls say their goodbyes and hang up. Y/N stands to go check the intercom but is only greeted by silence, she slips her shoes on to go check downstairs. Instead, she opens the door, Harry stands in front of it with her pizza in hand. The smile he gives her is one she hasn't seen before, but she'll be craving to see more. His dimples in full display, his eyes crinkle in a way she's never noticed before. She likes it—a lot.

"Hi." She glances down, and she's suddenly reminded of the clothes she threw on after her shower. Not her cutest top and shorts. Definitely, nothing impressive. 

Her nerves lessen when she catches his eyes roaming her body. She sees the lust in his eyes, the desire growing as he reaches her face. She wants to kiss him, but that's not the smartest move. "Is that my pizza?" She points to the box in his hands.

He nods and lets out a small laugh, "Yeah. I saw the delivery guy and thought I might convince you to share it with me." 

"Oh." 

"What do you say?" 

"Well, what do you have to offer? I'm not keen on sharing my pizza." She raises an eyebrow at him. The playful banter is back, but now the butterflies in her stomach are in full attack. 

Harry moves the pizza box to his side, allowing him to step forward. 

"Because—" He captures her lips with his. "I know," his lips brush along her jaw, "how to repay you." He sucks gently on her neck, a shiver running through her body. 

She knows exactly what he's referring to, and she's more than happy to accept. He pulls back and has a smirk on his face remembering the effect he has on her. Y/N bites her lip, allowing Harry to think she's thinking it over when his hand connects with her butt in response. He then squeezes, having her lean forward and fall against his chest. 

"I want all of you." She feels his chest rising faster, having her so close. "Please, no more running, Miss Cupcake." 

Y/N takes a breath to try her best to get herself under control, but she can't because all she smells is him. He smells like home. The smell of coffee and sugar mixing perfectly together. 

"Sorry, Harry. Last night was really amazing, but it just got to be too much in the morning. I mean, you know I've never done any of that." She pauses for a moment, mind-spinning because they do know a lot about each other. Life kept pushing them together. "And…I wasn't sure if it was a one-time thing or—"

His lips are on hers, his tongue urgently demanding entry, all words completely gone. A thud is heard, and the next second Y/N is in his arms, and she never wants to leave. His hands are in her hair, she moans the only noise filling the quiet apartment. 

Y/N pulls him closer by his shirt. She feels Harry flex as her skin touches him. Alpine lets out a cry from the chair he's sleeping on, pulling them out of the moment. 

Harry clears his throat, and she knows he's as messed up as her. She's trying her best to get her thoughts in order. "Would you like to come in?" 

Harry's eyes go wide, shining bright. "You're willing to share your pizza with me?"

"On the condition that you behave." Y/N laughs at his shock expression as if he could not be on his best behavior for her. 

Harry picks up the pizza box from when he dropped it. "Not fair, especially when you tempt me looking like that." 

"This turns you on." Y/N is surprised, closing the door as Harry makes his way to her couch. 

"Oh, baby. You're stunning. You make me lose my mind every time." 

She's blushing. Harry really likes her, she didn't expect that confession. She had gone most of her life not liking her body or looks, but over time she's come to love who she is. It was not easy, and there are still bad days, but having Harry tell her this makes her feel special. 

"Harry, have you liked me the entire time?" 

Harry's grin is sheepish. He holds his hand out, and she grabs it without a second thought. "Yes. God, yes, how could I not. I watched you go on a date with those idiots, giving you the time you needed to figure out what was right in front of you." He kisses her knuckles before he raises his head, allowing her to see his smirk. "Enjoying our game."

"Harry" It's all she manages to get out. 

"Don't gotta say anything. I'm all in." He tugs on her hand, having her land on his lap. "Don't think I'm ever letting you go again."

Y/N loves the sound of that. She doesn't know why Harry thinks all of this about her, but she's all in. 

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

Eight Months

"Honey?" 

Harry can't help the grin that takes over his face when he hears Y/N call him that. It'll never get old. 

"Yes, what do you need?" He's wrapping the towel around his waist, coming out of the bathroom. 

"Bedroom, please." 

She is quick to look over her shoulder as Harry walks in. He sees her eyes lingering on his butterfly tattoo, her favorite he's come to learn. Harry loves it when she looks at him, he sees all the love she has for him.

Y/N is holding something, and as he steps closer, he is quick to recognize it. He cracks a smile. He doesn't bother keeping in his laughter. 

"I did not remember that was there." 

"Harry, please tell me why you have catnip hidden behind a Spice Girls ‘SpiceWorld’ hoodie?" She lowers the catnip and slowly closes the distance between them. 

He clears his throat, running a hand through his hair. "All I wanted was sweet Alpine to be my friend." 

She shakes her head. "You're telling me that you put catnip on your balcony so he'd come over?"

Harry nods. Of course, he did; it was his most excellent idea. "Yes." 

"So did I." She whispers. 

Harry's eyes go wide. "You did?" He pulls her against him, causing her to let out a small shriek. "Do you have to be so perfect and crazy?"

"Just for you, Honey." She leans in close, breaths mixing together. "Two big reasons you love me." 

Harry nods. "Two of the million reasons." 

He reaches for her shirt and slips it off relatively easy. "Will you let me show you other reasons with my mouth, and my tongue and. . ." He cuts off as he grinds into her. His hands gently cupping her breasts. He drops his head and licks a path down her throat.

A sexy moan leaves her lips. "This is going to be quick, you in these black leggings always drive me crazy." He kisses your neck, and he guides you to the bed. 

Harry slides his hand down her leggings, and just as he was suspecting she's soaking wet. She's ready for him. He's quick to take them off, making sure there's no tear before letting his towel drop. 

Harry sinks in one swift move, making them moan in unison. "Fuck, baby. You feel so good." 

His thrusts are fast and hard, never slowing down. Harry can tell she's close when she begins to fist the bed. He leans down close, missing the feel of her lips against his. "Come for me, baby." He goes a few more, not slowing down, he feels her walls tightening.

"Harry!" She moans, just as her high hits. Harry is quick to follow, her expressions always helping him find his release. 

Harry falls against the bed pulling Y/N to lay on top of him. He wants her close, he always does. 

"I love you." He locks eyes with her wanting to see them sparkle.

The sweet smile she gives Harry is his favorite. "I love you."

Harry sits up against the headboard bringing Y/N closer to his chest. He begins to look around his almost empty room. The idea to turn their apartments into one was brilliant, but it has been a lot of work. Harry isn't fond of getting rid of items in his closet, which is why Y/N was there earlier.

"Are you happy, Harry?" Y/N asks as she traces a sparrow on his chest. It's soothing. 

He brings his hand down to her cheek, and he lifts her face gently to have her look at him. "Never been happier." She leans in to kiss him but doesn't allow him to deepen in. "Are you?" 

"Very." She kisses his dimples and settles back on his chest, continuing with what she was doing. 

At this moment, Harry knows he's never been happier, and they has a lifetime of happiness waiting for them.

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

Thank you for reading. I love you

Please come by and talk to me about what you thought of Hate or Love 

[whattheflameo]

Lin healing the bonds with her family hc?

Ohhhhhhhhhh anon you have opened up a WHOLE can of worms I have extremely strong feelings on this topic and most of them can be summed up with Lin Beifong is the Epitome of the older sibling parent trope. RANT INCOMING

Lin choosing to forgive Suyin has almost nothing to do with Suyin’s “apology” (or lack thereof). It occurs solely because Lin actively decides to be the better person in their relationship. She decides that having her sister and her niblings in her life is worth more to her than her grudge and her hurt. Which is saying something, because damn can Lin hold a grudge.

Su isn’t going to apologize; its not in her nature at all. She genuinely doesn’t recognize the need for apologies in anything. She doesn’t give them and never expects them from others. Lin knows this and decides to move on anyway.

Su did write Lin a letter asking her to come talk. Actually, she wrote several. Lin never opened a single one, determined to keep herself from getting hurt again. Its easier, especially when Su isn’t in front of her, to convince herself she doesn’t care.

Despite everything, Lin still hopes the best of her sister. Finding out that she changed her ways after being sent away, stopped with the petty crime and actually made something of herself, built an entire city and raised a pretty great family, comes with a level of relief- even if it wasn’t her to help Su see the error of her ways, at least Su was able to do so.

Lin doesn’t trust Su as far as she could throw her, especially after Su lies to her face to send Korra after Aiwei. She doesn’t trust Su to choose her to save over literally anyone else, and to be honest she has the older sibling complex that she just doesn’t have as much faith in Su’s bending skills as her own. That’s why her “I love you,” before drawing P’li’s fire sounds so much like a goodbye.

Speaking of differences in skill level, that fight between Lin and Su? Buckle your seatbelts motherfuckers I have THOUGHTS. Yes, its one of the most badass fights in the entire series, imo, but I’m gonna be real here. Su was winning. She had Lin on the defensive almost the whole time. But Lin was also at about 40% health- run down, emotionally strained, off-kilter from acupuncture treatment (which I agree with @dont-blame-it-on-the-kids was DEFINITELY not in Lin’s best interest that doctor was 100% paid off by the red lotus), and Su is taking advantage of it. If Lin had been at 100%, even like 60%, she would have WIPED THE FLOOR with Su and Su’s dancy-ass bending style. But she still held her own, even though she was literally breaths from passing the fuck out. Did you SEE some of those hits? There’s one in particular where Su hits her in the gut with a rock mid-air that physically couldn’t not have broken several of her ribs. Su’s behavior in this fight absolutely incenses me like how dare she fucking do that I JUST

All this being said I do really love Su as a character I promise.

Su’s base character hasn’t changed, but after going through the Red Lotus and Kuvira together, Lin does recognize that she’s changed in some important ways. She’s still self-oriented, but she’s not the selfish, bratty teen she was when she scarred Lin for life.

Likewise, after seeing the permanence of Lin’s scars and spending more time with her sister, Su realizes that she’s really hurt Lin. She sees how terrible she’s been to this woman who is willing to give her own life to protect everyone around her, Su especially, and actively tries to make up for it. Like I said, she doesn’t apologize with words, but tries to prove to Lin through her actions that she is going to be there for her. And the fact that Lin’s arm flickers toward her weapons whenever Su loses her temper? Su is so disgusted with herself over it that she nearly throws up the first time she thinks about it.

They’re not best friends, but they do become close. Both of their personalities mellow out with age, and they’re more understanding of each other. Su becomes someone Lin is able to talk to about some personal things, if not the extremely deep stuff. They have wine nights and Su sometimes sleeps over if she gets too tipsy. They both act a lot younger with each other, and Su is one of the only people who can snuggle up to Lin and get away with it.

Unless one of them is actively concealing their emotions (its usually Lin), they can read each other like an open book.

Lin remembers all of Su’s favorite foods and colors and activities and songs from childhood. Su realizes that she hardly remembers any of Lin’s and has a guilty meltdown to Bataar over it. He suggests that she pay really close attention to remember them now, and Su makes it her personal mission. 

Despite having confronted her feelings of abandonment by Toph ages ago, Su can see that Lin not only feels abandoned but also feels like she’s the one who let their mother down, that the break in their relationship is her fault, not Su’s or Toph’s. She knows how glad she was to have Toph back in her life, even if inconsistently, and sees how much Lin wants their mother’s approval and marches into the swamp (and that’s saying something for Su, who isn’t exactly fond of gross swampy things) and drags Toph out to force her to some of Lin’s award ceremonies or other events, including her wedding to Kya. Lin doesn’t know it was Su’s doing.

“Mother Lin may have said she doesn’t hate you but she deserves more from you and spirits help me you are going to say the words “I am so proud of you” to her or I WILL tell Wing and Wei where to find you-”

Basically, Su’s main apology to Lin for all the years of pain and hurt she’s caused is to kick Toph’s ass into repairing at least some of their relationship. Its the most truly selfless thing she’s done in possibly her entire life, because she never tells Lin.

To be clear: NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF LIN HAD NOT ACTIVELY CHOSEN TO SET ASIDE HER PRIDE AND HURT AND FORGIVE HER SISTER. LIN WAS THE CATALYST- SU WOULD NOT HAVE PUT IN WORK TO EARN HER FORGIVENESS IF LIN HADN’T GIVEN IT TO START WITH. Su’s behavior in Zaofu was utter bullshit, it was not worthy of Lin’s forgiveness. She literally showed up and immediately drove a wedge between Lin and some of the most important people in her life, said horribly mean things to Lin, and used Lin’s illness as an advantage to beat the shit out of her. But Lin, strong, selfless, badass, incredible Lin who is so much more empathetic than anyone in that show gives her credit for, looks at all of that and forgives Su anyway. Its not unconditional, like I said the level of trust isn’t bone deep, but she does the legwork. And you know what, Lin deserves to have family that cares about her in her life. Her niblings adore her, and she eventually believes that Su is genuinely there for her. I will die on this hill.

I know this probably came across as incredibly disorganized and rambly. I’ll talk more about Lin’s relationship with the metal clan kids and/or Toph in another post because I recognize that I’ve gone down a fuckin rabbit hole but I have extremely strong opinions on Lin’s relationship with her sister.

[hadtochangemyurlquick]

can u write more leachel please

no but i can fuck ur bitch

Leah’s first public reading was not packed. Of course, the seven of them all filed into front row seats and of course her parents, grandparents, Ian, and most of her teachers were scattered throughout the audience. Even Emily, her friend from middle school who she hadn’t really talked to since she went to private school, showed up. It was a sweet gesture but beyond the people who knew Leah personally, only around fifty or so were actual fans. It was fine and Leah did an amazing talk and afterwards Rachel slapped her hand against her thigh, wishing she could actually clap.

Leah’s tenth public reading was standing room only.

The National book festival was held once a year in DC and while there were two panels Leah was put on, they also asked her to do her own talk because she had a new book coming out. It’d been called by the New York Times book review “the most anticipated book of the year!” And Rachel had only been allowed to read the first draft of the first chapter, which was slightly killing her. But her girlfriend had a process, even if that process was to solely talk to Nora about it. Nora and sometimes Toni.

When Leah walked onto the slightly raised platform the entire room erupted into applause. It was a standing ovation and Leah looked beautiful and also incredibly embarrassed. Her eyes found Rachel’s immediately and they were so fucking intense, Rachel just wanted her to keep looking at her forever. Forever and a half.

“Wow,” Leah began when she reached her microphone. “I haven’t even said anything yet.” There was laughter, more cheers, gradually people sat down. “Thank you all for coming, I know there’s some pretty amazing panels going on right now. There’s still time to go to Roxanne Gay’s talk, it’s a few rooms down.”

More laughter, more cheers, a ��We love you Leah Rilke!”

Rachel shook her head, smiling. Leah could pretend all she wanted, but Rachel saw what was happening. The entire world was slowly coming to life under her touch. The English language was being shaped to fit Leah Rilke.

Every think piece, ever op-ed, every review, mentioned the words Leah Rilke somewhere in there. Every teenage girl was talking about her like they’d talk about the Bible. TV studios and movie execs sat in rooms and discussed about how they could capture her writing style. Publishing houses wanted to find their very own Leah Rilke. Tattoo artists were adding to their pre drawn collections symbols from her books.

It was happening slowly, a little at a time, but time happened all at once. And history textbooks were being printed in Texas for the year 2032 that had an entire chapter about Leah Rilke.

The world was changing, and for the next half-century it’d be one where Leah Rilke was alive. And after, it’d be one where everyone was looking for the next Leah Rilke, however futile.

Leah didn’t see it, but Rachel could. And Nora. They talked about it sometimes, when a Dolly Parton song came on or Tolkien happened to come up in conversation.

“I’m not really afraid of public speaking,” Leah continued. “But can you all look somewhere else for a minute? I just need a break, I feel like you all are staring.”

There was more laughter and Rachel felt her phone buzz. Her eyebrow furrowed and she ignored it, instead focusing on the woman wearing her engagement ring.

It’d taken her a minute to propose, insecurities thriving with Leah off giving talks or going to conventions like this one. In a big empty house it wasn’t hard to feel less than, especially with one hand.

It’d been Dot who talked sense into her. Dot surprisingly sensible when she herself had eloped with Fatin, annulled it, and eloped again.

“Okay,” Dot said. “Maybe she’s too good for you. So what? She doesn’t know that.”

“Exactly,” Rachel said. “That’s my fucking point. She’s gonna find someone better and realize that I’m just… me.”

“Yeah,” Dot nodded.

Rachel glared at her. “You aren’t making me feel better.”

“I’m not Fatin, or Shelby, or Martha.”

“I know that,” Rachel said.

“It sounds like you wanna marry her,” Dot said. “So fuckin’ marry her. Then she won’t be able to fuck off with someone else.”

“But I want her to be happy,” Rachel said.

“So fuckin’ make her happy,” Dot said. “I don’t get what the fuckin’ problem is.”

So she proposed. Leah said yes immediately, not even a moment of hesitation, and they were planning a small wedding with a rabbi they both knew and a Huppa but not a Ketubah. Some sort of halfway for the both of them.

Rachel’s phone buzzed again and she turned it off, slipping it in her backpack to focus on Leah.

“This is probably the hardest book I’ve ever written. Not because its deeply personal or anything, just because I had to do so much research for it,” Leah said. “I even had to dedicate it to my sister in law because she spent hours with me looking at flight patterns and chess strategies. Do you guys know how many different kind of tulips there are? I can’t say I don’t understand the dutch a little better now.”

Nora squeezed her wrist and she looked over at her. Shelby caught her eye from beside Nora and passed her a phone, the notes app open.

Jeffs here.

Rachel frowned. Jeff Greene? The book review guy? Or maybe Jeffery Wilson, the Sony guy. Didn’t they have a neighbor named Jeff who liked to complain about their noise level to the police?

“Jeff?” She mouthed back.

Shelby was stone faced when she nodded and something sunk in Rachel’s gut.

Fuck. Jeff.

Leah was still talking but Rachel couldn’t hear her.

Where?

Shelby took the phone back.

The back.

Rachel clenched her jaw and Nora squeezed her wrist again, eyes wide.

Has Leah seen him?

Shelby shook her head and Rachel let out a breath of relief.

She got to her feet, and cast a quick smile back at Leah who’s brow furrowed at her. She kept talking though, stumbling a little on her speech. Behind her, Fatin, Martha, and Shelby followed.

Jeff wasn’t hard to spot. He was the washed-up has been, with the fraying hair and dark circles under his eyes.

“You need to leave,” Rachel spat.

“I’m just here to apologize,” Jeff said. “I don’t even—”

“You’re leaving,” Shelby cut off. “Now. Or I’ll call security.”

“Take this outside,” Someone hissed and Fatin dragged him out, shoving him roughly through the open door. Several more people waiting outside slipped inside, entirely grateful.

“Listen, I know I fucked up, I want to apologize,” Jeff said.

“She was a child,” Fatin said. “You’re a fucking predator.”

Jeff paled.

“Wait,” Martha said. “Are you here to apologize for dumping her, or for raping her?”

“I didn’t—”

Maybe it was Shelby that threw the first punch, or maybe Rachel. Maybe they both came at him at once. But Martha didn’t hold Rachel back like she normally would’ve, and Fatin snapped at some people to put their phones away.

Leah said it was ironic later, that Fatin was telling people to put their phones away, while Martha urged on a fight.

But it wasn’t a fight, it was a beat down.

Shelby had taken Toni to enough kickboxing lessons over the years to know how to throw a punch, and Rachel had been picturing this moment with Jeff for too long.

No one intervened once Martha pushed a couple people away explaining he was a pedophile who prayed on teenage girls. One person said, “Isn’t that Jeff Galanis?”

And Martha said: “Yes.”

Jeff Galanis hasn’t published a book in five years at that point, he wouldn’t publish one again. Leah wasn’t happy Rachel broke her only hand, and Toni started going to kickboxing lessons alone.

“It was stupid,” Leah told her, when she met her outside after they’d all been thrown out. “I don’t give a shit about him anymore. I just wanted you there.”

“I know,” Rachel said. “But it wasn’t stupid to me. I wanted you to know you wouldn’t have to see him again.”

“Rach,” Leah sighed. “You remember how when we were driving here a Smith’s song came on?” Rachel nodded. “I realized then I literally couldn’t remember his last name.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Leah said. “We’re getting married in a few months, my new book is coming out, your starting your new job. We’ll probably be aunts as soon as Toni and Shelby finish those foster parent classes. Jeff is like—probably the least important person in the universe right now.”

“Sorry I missed the talk,” Rachel said.

Leah kissed her, soft and easy like they’d never once been.

“It’s okay,” she promised. “There’ll be others.”

There were.

[skyeofloxlay]

Duskwood - thoughts, observations and summaries - Part 1.

It is likely that there are already people who did this, but I would like to point out some things that I ended up putting aside as the episodes went on, but that I realized when I was reading the prints I took or even when I was playing for hundredth time. Unfortunately I'm not going to put the prints here as they are not in English, so it doesn't help much. And maybe, most of the things I write are obvious, or that everyone already knows, but I would like to write something to have some of my thoughts on some. (or just to have a summary for when chapter 8 comes and I get lost)

(again sorry if it have English errors or something is confusing, English is not my first language @_@)

WARNING: This post will talk about Duskwood events, so you better play before you read! Also, this post is really big, so you might end up getting bored. YOU'VE BEEN ADVISED

1 - Thomas received our number on the second day of Hannah's disappearance, where he himself said he received the night. He immediately spoke to all his friends about the number and then they were arguing for a long time, until finally after thinking hard, the next day, Thomas decides to contact the MC (And of course, there is the fact that the message is gone.)

2 - Thomas tells us that he tried to call Hannah when he received the MC number, someone answered the call, but nobody said anything.

3 - Thomas has a brother, and that is something I always forget. I suppose he is a younger brother? Maybe someone who's not old enough to drive or idk.

4 - Richy tries to fit in with the MC, which is apparently an unusual behavior, since Cleo was incredulous at what he was doing.

5 - Jake acted very cold the first time we talked to him. But I don't remember exactly when it changed ... I think I should see it on the prints and mention it later.

6 - Jake probably follows the philosophy "The ends justify the means", since he does anything, no matter the consequence, as long as he gets to where he wants to go. (In fact, he literally says that the ends justify the means xD)

7 - We have to hack Hannah's cloud because Jake can't do everything, and he says he's busy following other clues, but what are those? I don't remember him commenting on what clues he's following, well maybe I'll find out by looking at the prints of future chapters.

8 - Jake says that we should decrypt the cloud, and clearly decrypting is not a candy crush game with cubes, but I would say that in "real life" (as much as I have researched about decryption, I didn’t find anything that could help me a lot to understand how it works) you use some program that Jake sent you, you take encrypted files that have several strange letters and put them in this program, which happens to be a little slow, so to pass the time you decide to play Candy Crush. Which is why it takes so long before you can send an unencrypted file to Jake.

9 - Cleo adds us before going to work.

10 - Thomas comes back some time later, I would say it could be half an hour after he sent the message saying he had to get his brother.

11 - On the day of Hannah's disappearance, Jake put all of her friends in a group and talked about the situation. By the time Jake did that, Thomas was on his cell phone, so he saw it right away. 

12 - We know that Jake somehow witnessed the kidnapping, but how? How did he see if he didn't even meet Hannah in person?

13 - Richy's house is 5 minutes from Hannah's.

14 - Cleo and Richy have a conversation that we can read. And Cleo asked Richy where all the sympathy had come from (probably about him wanting to put the MC in the group) Apparently before he didn't want Thomas to contact the number.

15 - Richy assumes that Hannah has had enough time to write a single message. If we put him as one of the suspects, as he is being at the moment, then was it he who gave Hannah the chance to send a message? Or was it Richy who sent it from Hannah's cell phone? But…. I don't know ... none of those things really make sense.

Unless Hannah managed to get her cell phone while Richy was away, and then sent the message, Richy soon afterwards arrives and sees what Hannah has done, takes her cell phone and deletes the message. (And answer the phone, but say nothing) 

(Or we can also assume that it was Jake who sent our number on Hannah's cell phone ... but that doesn't fit much for some things in the future, I'll explain later)

16 - Richy thinks that inevitably, if the MC is guilty it will end up escaping something.

17 - We were able to decrypt the first photo, that if I'm right, we are decrypting newer photos to older ones? But that is not a very important detail, I think. We sent the photo to Jake and he asks if we had found this photo in Hannah's cloud. But why? Isn't it obvious that it was from Hannah's cloud? Wasn't that just our only job? Decrypt and send whatever you can to Jake ??? If we say we don't know what exactly to look for, Jake says he doesn't know either. So we're kind of literally in the dark! We have no idea what we have to find and neither does he know. But he says that it is still for us to continue to send what we find, because something can be more relevant if we look in more detail.

(Okay, the next one isn't so much what I thought, but the conversation between Jake and MC, because I love the interactions that it is possible to do with Jake and I couldn't leave it out. * ^ _ ^ *)

18 - Jake wishes us good luck, but now (I think only for premium) you can say you want to talk to him. Jake then looks confused and asks what we wanted to talk about, and we can say we want to talk about him. He seems to be even more confused about why we want to talk about him. I don't remember the other options or if he says the same thing it doesn't matter what we answer, but if we say that we find him interesting he says that "You know I'm not going to tell you anything about me, right?" (Sure, of course Jake, for sure everyone believes that) if we keep insisting, he ends up giving in and says that we can ask only one question. We can ask: I think between his hair color, if he lives in the city or country, or what programs does he use to hack?

His hair color is black, if I'm not mistaken he says he lives in the city and the last question I don't know the answer to.

He asks why we wanted to know (in the case of hair, I don't know about the others, but he probably asks the same thing). I think that regardless of what we answer, he says he doesn't believe in what he just did, because he shouldn't say anything about himself. (That is, this is where we can start to make Jake's walls start to fall and we can get closer to him :) ) He also says that hiding his identity is essential and asks if we are happy now. If we say yes and talk to ask a question, he gets more confused and says "You didn't want to talk to me, did you?" Regardless of what we talk about, he asks us how the weather is. We can say between: What a boring question / It's raining / Very well, I would say. (I think those were the questions). 

He then admits that it was not the most interesting topic, but we can say that it remains interesting nonetheless. He so says he hasn't had a conversation in a long time... (oh, I feel you Jake, I don't know how to talk to people either, but look, you're talking to me :) even though you don't really exist ;_;) He then asks if we were stuck on an island, what would we most like to have. I said that I would like to have books, and he says "hmm" (but if I'm not mistaken he says that for everything we answer) we can ask him what he would like to have, and he says he would choose his computer, but then he tells us to forget what he said and says he has more to do, and asks if everything was clear now.

19 - We can ask him if he doesn't ask himself who we are. And this point I find interesting. He says "You play a key role in all this mess. Why do you suddenly appear in such mysterious circumstances? What do you really have to do with all of this? Obviously, I wonder who you are. I already told you something about me again ... I'm going to have to go now. Otherwise, I will end up saying my name or worse. " This means that he would not have been the one who sent our number by Hannah's cell phone because he doesn't know who the MC is. There is less that he is lying very well, but I think not.

20 - Thomas asks if we have time to talk to him, and then says that in a way MC is one of them now. So he says he will put pictures of Hannah on his profile so that we can try to remember her in some way. 

21 - Did we find a picture of a bridge? That's probably in the forest?

22 - Jessy then contacts us saying that she wants to get to know us better? Is it just me who found this strange and uncomfortable?

23 - Even though she never spoke to us and left the group, she says that MC is part of the group now. And she decides to talk to us in the middle of her work.

24 - We found out that Jessy works with Richy.

25 - She keeps trying to get to know MC more, which made me very uncomfortable because I really didn't want to talk to her and even then she kept talking to MC.

26 - So we got to see one more conversation, but this time it's between Thomas and Cleo, where Thomas says that he put some pictures for the MC to see, and said that it seemed strange, and said that there was nothing strange about the MC's behavior. So Cleo tells Thomas that then he cannot draw a conclusion about what role we (MC) play. Thomas then said goodbye and they went offline.

27 - Jessy talks to the MC again, nothing interesting that is worth mentioning.

28 - We found a photo of a cat in Hannah's cloud 

29 - Thomas sends a message again, now asking if we recognize Hannah, replying that we really don't know her, he says "oh, yeah, it's okay" and goes offline. 

30 - Jake answers us and we start talking about our findings. He says he will try to extract information from the photos.

31 - He asks for time to be able to analyze it and says he has an advantage for us, and sends a cell phone number. He says the police are very focused on Thomas and that we should be focusing on someone else. If we ask why we should do this, he replies, "As I said before, you piqued my interest. That's all you need to know at the moment." Then he tells us to add the number. And as soon as we added it, we found out the number was from Dan.

32 - Dan gets worried and says several no, and asks who sent us after him. You can choose from a few people to say who sent you there, but I think regardless of who you choose, he will say the same: "What? Fuck it. I don't care. Damn them. And you leave me alone." And then it goes offline.

33 - If you choose Jessy, he will ask her why she gave his number to the MC, and she says that she didn't, so he says that the MC is lying and that someone gave his number. Jessy also says that if he wants people to stop seeing him as a suspect, he just has to stop acting like one.

34 - We got a call. Someone threatening us.

35 - We contacted Jake and talked about what happened. Jake asks what the kidnapper said, and we can say "That I should stay out of other people's business." Jake asks what he looked like, and we can say he looked like a maniac.

36 - If we say that we had better follow the kidnapper's advice, Jake says that we shouldn't do that, and that there was nothing to worry about. And that we could consider that connection as something positive, because that meant the kidnapper was coming out of hiding, and that would make him vulnerable. And that he is probably concerned about the MC being in the investigation. Jake also says that we are a drag on the kidnapper, and that the MC can't trust anyone in the group. He also said that he was right about the MC and that we are going to save Hannah. 

37 - Jessy calls us and other people in the group saying they found a body. She creates a group and adds us, Dan, Cleo and Richy.

38 - Jessy and Cleo argue.

39 - Cleo says she will tell Lilly about the body.

40 - And then in a way we kind of obliged to tell Thomas about the body.

41 - When we talk about the body found, Thomas immediately goes offline.

42 - We tell the group this.

43 - If we tell the group that we should have waited to tell Thomas, Richy says that MC would not say that if knew how much gossip is spreading around the city.

44 - Dan asks us what we think about Thomas's suspicious actions.

45 - Richy asks what we do now and Cleo replies that the only way was to wait. 

46 - Everyone goes offline and after a while Jake sends a message saying that he has something new, that a corpse had been found. But he was talking about the same corpse that we discovered by the group, that is, we had important information even before him.

47 - He is impressed with how we got the information before him and how MC already seems to be part of the group.

48 - Then he asks if we got the picture of the cat in Hannah's cloud. (again, isn't that obvious??? This is our mission! Decrypt Hannah's cloud photos and files !!! Why do you keep asking that Jake ??) 

49 - If we ask if there is something wrong to Jake, he just replies "Never mind. It's okay." And then it goes offline.

50 - We decrypt what appears to be a medical prescription, but which is in a terrible resolution. Jake says he will try to fix the image better and goes offline.

51 - Jessy says that Cleo invaded the junkyard

52 - Jessy says that the MC should make Cleo tell Richy what she did.

53 - Cleo says he needs to talk to us. She says she can tell us a little bit about Hannah.

54 - If we ask if Hannah has siblings, Cleo replies that Lilly is her younger sister, and asks if we didn't know that until now. If we say, "I meant besides Lilly". Cleo replies that Lilly is Hannah's only sibling.

55 - If we ask Cleo if it was possible that Hannah simply ran away, Cleo replies that there was no reason for her to do that since Hannah's life was starting to go well. She had a great family, an amazing boyfriend and was happy with her career.

56 - If we say that maybe things were happening that she didn't know, Cleo replies that she knows that everyone has secrets, but having such a terrible secret and having to escape Duskwood without a trace, she would know that. She also comments on the fact that the Hacker saw the hijacking.

57 - If we ask Cleo if she thinks the kidnapper could be someone in the group, she says she doesn't believe it is anyone of them.

58 - When asked if Hannah had any enemies, Cleo replies that she was not sure, and that everyone loved Hannah.

59 - At that moment we can question Cleo or not for the invasion of the junkyard. If we don't say anything, she just says that she has to do some things and that she can't sit and wait.

60 - If we ask her plan, she says she'll ask for downtown and maybe know if someone found Hannah before she disappeared. She spoke the names of three of the biggest gossips in the city: Mrs. Walter, owner of the hotel. Mrs. Sully, the queen of gossip and Phil Hawkins, owner of Aurora bar.

61 - She says the bar hasn't opened yet, but we can suggest to Cleo who she should talk to first. And then she says she'll talk to us later.

62 - We found a picture of Hannah apparently in the forest.

63 - We see a conversation between Richy and Jessy. 

64 - Richy is talking about something Jessy said to us. He says that Jessy should be more careful with the MC and then says that Jessy should know something about the MC, but then he needs to stop by the office and not talk about what it was.

65 - Jake, who was reading the messages between Richy and Jessy, is annoyed that Richy didn't say what he wanted to say.

66 - We asked him if he was reading the messages, and he says yes, because you never know where you can find the next piece of the puzzle. If we ask him if he always reads other people's messages, he replies that only the most interesting ones and asks us if the MC was judging him.

67 - If we say that we are judging him a little, he says that the MC was also reading their messages. We can answer that we are doing this because he told us to do this. So he says we're only doing this so that we can find Hannah.

68 - Jake asks ask us what we think Richy and Jessy are talking about us. If we say we have no idea, Jake responds with "Really? Not even a hunch?" so we can say that we’ve never talked to Richy before, and Jake thinks that’s strange. Jake assumes that Richy would tell Jessy why he doesn't trust MC. We can then answer "Don't trust anyone. It's your words, not mine." and "Do you trust me?", Jake answers the question with "Would I have given you access to Hannah's cloud if I didn't?" We can then tell Jake that he doesn't even know us that well, and he says "Maybe Jessy wasn't the only person who felt an immediate connection with you"

If we ask "Is that a compliment?" Jake says yes, and he would talk to us later.

69 - Cleo sends a message saying that she arrived at the hotel, but that Mrs. Walter was not at the reception. Cleo then says that Lilly used to work at the Hotel reception before, but apparently she doesn't work there anymore. Cleo then comments that Alfie, Mrs. Walter's son, is playing in a mud puddle in front of the hotel. We told Cleo that she should talk to Alfie, and after a while she comes back saying that he had called her "Friend of the dead girl" and then Cleo replies that Hannah was not yet dead and asked him who was saying these terrible things. Alfie then says that he saw Hannah being taken by the Man without a face.

If we say that he probably saw a man in a mask, Cleo replies that there is a legend in Duskwood about a "Man without a face" and that we should ask Jessy about it because she likes legends, and then in the meantime Cleo would talk to Mrs. Sully. 

70 - We asked Jessy about the legend of the mwaf, and also commented that Alfie had seen Hannah being taken by him to the forest.

71 - We found out that Jessy was once Alfie's Nanny. And she says that he may well have invented it, since he has mental problems.

72 - Jessy creates a group about the Duskwood legends and puts Richy together, since he was born in Duskwood and could talk more about the legend than she did. But since Richy was working, they had to leave that for later.

73 - Cleo sends us a message saying she talked to Mrs. Sully, who says she saw Hannah coming out of the pharmacy and that she looked very worried, and then she sat on the patio of the Rainbow Café.

74 - We asked Cleo what Hannah had bought at the pharmacy, but she doesn't know. So she says that she will try to do something and that in the meantime we should try to find out more about the "mwaf".

75 - We talked to Richy and Jessy about Alfie and the mwaf. 

76 - Jessy tells the legend of the mwaf. She says the legend is older than Duskwood, they say he lives inside the forest and at night he walks through the dark streets of the city. He marks the door of the greatest sins with a sign from the crow, and then on the night of the first new moon each year, he returns the marked houses and takes all the people from that house, whether guilty or not. No one knows exactly what he does with these people, but supposedly he takes them into the forest and these people never come back.

77 - We can then assume that the kidnapper is trying to copy the legend. 

78 - Cleo sends us a message again, telling us a story that Lilly told her about Alfie.

79 - Cleo said it happened last year, in the fall. One of the guests complained to Lilly about a bad smell in his room, Lilly went to the room, but felt nothing, so she gave the guest another room. When she returned to the room she noticed the smell, but could not find where it came from, she then spoke to Mrs. Walter who spoke with the janitor Old Gray. After he cleaned it, Lilly, as she was curious to know what had given off that stench, goes to the trash and saw that Alfie's canary (Mr. Featherly) was dead and with a crushed beak and broken wings.

80 - Apparently Alfie killed the canary.

81 - We then see a conversation between Dan and Lilly. He was commenting that he was sure that the body found was not Hannah's. Lilly then asks Dan if he could come here (probably to her house), and Dan agrees.

Well, I think I better stop here, because I already wrote a lot and there is still a lot to write. To tell you the truth, I don't even know where I am in the story, I don't know if it's still chapter 1, or it's already 2 or maybe 3. But anyway, that's it. I will continue to write my observations / thoughts / summaries of the story when I have time and motivation. At the moment I want to see if I can draw something with Jake x MC and maybe write some theories that are in my head.

I hope that what I have written can help you in some way, or just remember what was going on at the beginning of the game. (Or maybe all of this is useless and it was really boring, so I'm sorry ;_;) See you later :)

[inkweaver22-blr]

Here we are with chapter 6! This one chronologically takes place in between chapters 2 and 3, so keep that in mind. There hasn’t been a lot of Sandy in this fic yet so I felt like this was as good a spot as any to focus on him.

AO3 Link

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Scattered Cicadas - Chapter Six: Being There

Tang visits Sandy for some advice.

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Tang knocked on the door to the cabin on Sandy’s boat. He took a step back as he heard a loud thud followed by what sounded like a frantic conversation and more banging.

Soon, the river demon poked his head out from behind the door and glanced down at the scholar.

“Tang! It’s good to see you. What, uh, brings you here,” Sandy greeted with a strained smile.

Tang simply raised an eyebrow at the strange behavior.

“Is this a bad time?”

“Not at all,” Sandy said cheerfully, still not opening the door fully. “What can I do for you?”

“Well…” Tang hesitated, somewhat self conscious at what he was about to admit. “I was wondering if I could get your help with some things I’ve been having trouble with.”

“What kind of things?”

“The... emotional kind,” Tang said softly while rubbing his arm and staring downwards.

“Oh! Oh.” Sandy’s gaze immediately softened for a moment before glancing behind him back into the cabin. Seemingly satisfied with what he saw he opened the door all the way and gestured for Tang to enter. “Why don’t we talk about it over some tea?”

Tang looked around the cabin as he followed Sandy in. It didn’t look like anything was out of place.

Decorations and plants to promote relaxation dotted the space. A yoga mat and exercise equipment were neatly stacked next to the couch. The room was mostly tidy save for the few cat toys strewn about and the two half-drunk cups of tea on the coffee table.

Wait, two cups?

Tang took a closer look around and eventually spotted something.

Huntsman’s braid was poking out from above a high-up cabinet.

Ah. So that’s what the noise earlier was.

The unlikely friendship between the spider demon and Sandy had happened already once before so Tang decided to ignore it for now. He may not like having what he was about to say overheard, but the cycle would be ending soon and he really needed to have this conversation.

The scholar took the offered seat on the couch and thought about why he was here while his host prepared some fresh tea.

It had been a few days since the cursed meatball incident. If the timeline of events stayed the same in this cycle, that meant there was only about three days left before MK unlocked the use of the 72 Transformations, they went to the desert to train, and then would get attacked by Lady Bone Demon.

Tang shuddered involuntarily as he thought about the dangerous demon, and subsequently, her primary servant. He subconsciously rubbed his throat as the Mayor’s visage flashed in his mind.

Quickly shaking his head and taking a deep breath, Tang banished those images. He knew better than to meddle with major events now, and his friends had helped him through his trauma multiple times already.

He needed to focus on the actual reason for this visit.

“So what did you want to discuss,” Sandy asked while setting down a tea tray. The blue giant took one of the cups for himself and sat cross-legged on the floor across from Tang, his height allowing them to remain eye level to each other.

Tang took a fortifying sip of his own tea as he thought about how to begin.

“I know I can be a bit… full of myself sometimes,” Tang started. Sandy made no comment and simply waited for the scholar to continue. “But I really am not bragging when I say that I’m very good at noticing things.”

There was a small creaking noise from the cabinet hiding the spider demon. Both Tang and Sandy chose to ignore it.

“I’m just a naturally perceptive person I guess. I tend to notice patterns pretty quickly and I almost immediately pick up a change to a place I visit frequently.” Tang took another sip of his tea before staring seriously at Sandy.

“So I must apologize to you, Sandy, for taking so long to notice that you are quite possibly more perceptive than even I am.”

The river demon’s eyebrows rose in surprise at that.

“Uh, thanks? What do you mean by that?”

“Sure, I can pick out even the small details of the world around me,” Tang explained, waving his hand dismissively. “However, you notice something much more important than that. You can see how the people around you are feeling.

“Yes, I can tell when someone is acting strange or hiding something,” the scholar continued, not acknowledging the shocked look on Sandy’s face, “but you seem to be able to see so much deeper than that! You can tell why that person is upset. Or at least you’re able to make a very good guess.

“Even more impressive than that is how you always seem to know exactly how to react to that person’s distress.

“You know the right words to say that offer the most amount of reassurance. You know exactly when to push for details and when to back off. You never judge, only offering unconditional support.

“You're endlessly patient and kind and understanding and I’m-” Tang took a ragged breath as his emotions welled up inside of him. “-and I’m not.”

“Tang, you’re-”

“Please let me finish.” Tang took a few deep breaths as Sandy looked on in concern, not the slightest bit offended at being interrupted.

“I know I can be kind and supportive, I’m not saying that isn’t true. But I also know I’m somewhat egotistical and smug at times. And that causes me to miss things in others.” Tang began to shake as he was finally overwhelmed and tears began to fall.

“I-I don’t want to miss how the people I care about are hurting ever again. I just want to be there for him, like you’re there for all of us.” Tang looked pleadingly at Sandy. “But I’m not sure I know how.”

“Oh, Tang.” Sandy swiftly moved around the table and gently pulled the scholar into a hug. Tang eagerly leaned into the embrace as he continued to let his insecurities out.

“He- he’s been hurting for a while and I don’t know for how long because I didn’t notice and-” He gasped for breath as he cried into the river demon’s shoulder. “He tries to be strong and not let it show but that’s hurting him even more and I don’t know how to fix it and-!”

“Shhh, just breathe for me right now Tang,” Sandy soothed as he rubbed the scholar’s back. “It’ll be okay. You don’t have to do this alone. We can all help MK out together.”

Tang sobbed a bit harder because of course Sandy would know who he was talking about through his incoherent ramblings. Of course he’d know exactly what to say to get to the heart of the issue and address it. He’d be jealous and impressed if he wasn't currently bawling his eyes out.

After Tang eventually calmed down and had a few more cups of tea, he still expressed his desire to learn how to be more like the river demon. Sandy had simply agreed to his request and lent him some self-help psychology and therapy books he owned. They discussed going over the contents in more detail at later dates and ways to help MK as a group before Tang decided to take his leave.

“Remember that you aren’t alone in this,” Sandy gently reminded the scholar as he led him to the door. “You aren’t solely responsible for the mental well being of others and it’s okay to ask for help.”

“Thanks Sandy,” Tang said with a sincere smile. “I really appreciate the help.”

“That’s what I’m here for. I’ll see you later.”

“See you later.”

Tang, feeling much lighter than before, decided to play a bit of a prank. He smirked as he leaned around the river giant before calling back into the cabin.

“Bye Huntsman!”

There was a sudden bang followed by profuse amounts of swearing. Sandy broke out into loud guffaws as he waved goodbye to the retreating scholar.

In the end, Tang hadn’t been able to get through the books Sandy had lent him before the cycle reset. He made sure to visit Sandy earlier on in the next one and learned a lot from the gentle giant.

Sandy wasn’t the only one he took cues from.

He incorporated Pigsy's silent acts of compassion and Mei’s no-nonsense attitude into the way he helped the others. Even MK’s fierce openness made it into his techniques.

Tang also never forgot he wasn’t alone. He always asked for help when he felt overwhelmed. He made sure the others knew how to help out whenever one of them was hurting.

Tang was powerless to stop anything that would cause any of the hurt feelings in his friends, but he’d be damned if he simply stood by and did nothing to address them now that he knew what to look for.

He promised to always be there for them.

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Sandy, I feel, is the secret MVP of the Monkie Kid group. He may not be a licensed therapist, but he’s probably had enough experience with his own and read enough about it to pass a certification test with no problem.

Huh. With this I’ve now ended exactly half of the current chapters with Tang having some sort of emotional breakdown. I’m sure that ratio will only get bigger as we progress. :3c

The Sandy and Huntsman friendship/ship is one I enjoy a lot and it’s a shame there isn’t more content for it.

I'm playing a bit fast and loose with the timeline of events in canon, but meh. It's not that big a deal I think.

That’s it for now! Until next time!

[sugiwa]

Hi. I am the Advice Anon. Please ignore those asks! I am so sorry for spamming your ask box. I still need help, so I’ll paste the entire thing over here. Again, sorry and thank you! Have a great day!

My reply and the full ask are below:

Hello! I hope you’ve been having a great day so far. This is probably unlike all of the other asks you get on a daily basis, author. However, I am in dire need of help, and I have turned to you. Before I begin, I want to apologize in advance, as this ask is going to be long. Now, like I said before, I need some help. You see, I am a freshman in high school, and school hasn’t even been going on for a full 10 weeks (a quarter), and I am already in a huge, messy, sticky situation. You probably already know that in high school, you need a certain number of credits in each field to be able to graduate. I am going to be extremely vague about this because it doesn’t really matter, and I’d really like to remain anonymous, if you know what I mean. One of the fields is World Languages and Visual Arts. Obviously, I am not talented enough to do Visual Arts, so I opted for World Languages instead. My teacher for the course I chose this year… she’s nice. Really kind, and I love that she makes learning a whole new language and culture, which is extremely hard, so much fun. And the fact that she’s one of the nicest teachers I know makes the rest of this so, so painful for me. 4 days ago, for me, was a Thursday. In this class, we had a vocab quiz that day (background info: two days before every quiz, my teacher posts a practice quiz to be done before class starts). I don’t really want to discuss what happened, as it still brings tears to my eyes, but I will give you a vague summary of what was going on. Basically, I couldn’t access my quiz (it was online), so my teacher told me to come in after school to re-do it. I was supposed to close down my computer and work on homework from another class, but instead of doing so, I worked on the practice quiz. And… this was considered cheating, because I was getting extra practice in before taking the quiz– something that the other students didn’t get, you know? My teacher saw my computer screen, and told me that she’d talk to me after school, and she’d be calling home. I couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the class, because I was afraid of what might happen when she called home. After school, she told me to speak with her, and be honest about it. When cheating happens, at our school, the teacher will write us up for Academic Dishonesty and give it to the administration, who then decides the consequences. My teacher had told me that if I was honest with her, she wouldn’t write my up; she’d just give me a zero on the quiz and call home and tell them what I did. I was honest with her, because like I said before, I was afraid. Once I told her everything that happened, she told me that I could call home, let them know what happened myself, and I’d be off the hook (with a zero on the quiz, of course). So, I called home, like she had asked of me, but… they didn’t pick up. I told her that they didn’t pick up, and she told me that it was fine, and that she’d talk to my parents in-person before they picked me up from school. I’m not going to lie, that terrified me more than calling home. I don’t really remember what happened after that, because I was too busy crying, but I do remember that she mentioned something about me doing this before, and that it was not OK to do it the second time, but she’d let me off the hook. The thing is, I am 100% sure I haven’t done this before… or maybe she just didn’t approach me the first time. I told her that I didn’t do this before, and she told me that I was lying again, and began to write me up. I told her that I didn’t mean to do this, and that I was sorry, but she told me to stop lying. She said that she DID approach me the first time I did this, and that I was rude to her then. This brought tears to my eyes– my kind of favorite teacher telling me that I was rude to her. You see, I didn’t grow up here, and although I’ve lived here for 4 years, I am not used to the way people interact here. It was very different where I grew up. For example, you didn’t ask each other how their day was, or what they did during their day, unless you were REALLY curious or concerned, because that was considered nosy and rude. So, I tend to be unintentionally rude, and completely oblivious to it; I have no idea when I’m being rude or not, unless someone specifically says so. I also don’t really understand people well, so that’s a huge problem. So… hearing this from her, really hurt. I told her that I didn’t intend to be rude, and I was trying my best to change (I mean, I was & am reading a book to teach me etiquette and all), and she replied with “that’s good to hear”. Then, when my parents came to pick me up, she talked to them, and even asked one of my parents to walk with us to the Administration Office to turn in the write up. Stuff happened, I got called into the Assistant Principal’s office, and now I have a zero on my quiz (and my homework activity that I never finished), Saturday School, and a black mark on my record. But the thing is… that’s not what I’m concerned about at all. Sure, getting my grades up in time for Progress Reports is going to be an extremely hard task, and Saturday School is going to leave a huge black mark on my record, but that’s not what I’m worried about. My grades have been fractured, but so has my relationship with this teacher. I feel as though she hates me now, that she has lost all trust in me. (Background info: our school does Odd and Even days, so I have half of my classes on one day and half on the other, so that means that I didn’t face my teacher at all on Friday) 3 days ago, on Friday, when I went to school, it was an average day. It would have been an amazing day, had it not been for the situation I was in. All I could think about that day was my World Language teacher. And just thinking about her, and about that classroom, it… gives me a bit of anxiety. This is where I need your help. What would you do if you were in my situation? I really want to repair my relationship with my teacher, because I know that she’s really important; we’re going to be on the same campus for the next 4 years of my life, and even more importantly, she’s going to be my teacher for the next 8 months. I want to graduate with good grades, but more importantly, I want to graduate without holding a grudge against my teacher. I want her to like me, and I want to gain her trust again. Today is a Sunday for me, and I have to go back to school tomorrow, and I have her class then. A part of me is really scared to go to school, a part of me is really angry at my teacher for reporting me (even though it was the right thing to do), and a part of me wants to ditch school tomorrow, or even drop out or transfer from her course, all because I don’t want to face her after I did the wrong thing. It’s not only that, either. I’ve also been avoiding my friends. Would you like to know why I am confiding in awesome strangers on the internet anonymously instead of letting my friends know what’s going on? It’s because I’m afraid that they won’t like me anymore, and they’d ditch me or something. They’re amazing people, and I know that they won’t do that, but a part of me is still paranoid. I’ve been avoiding my friends since Friday, barely talking to them at school, and texting them a little bit in our group chat. They don’t really suspect anything, but that’s good. And that’s why I am asking you. Not just you, but actually anyone who sees this, if they helped me, I’d really appreciate it. I really need help moving forward in this situation, and I’m desperate for help. My parents don’t understand the situation I’m in, and I’m too scared to talk to my friends about it, so I’d really appreciate the help. It’s OK if you don’t reply to this, author. I know that this doesn’t affect you in any way, so you’re not obliged to help me. I’d like to thank you for taking the time from your day to read these extremely long asks. Have a great day. P.S: I absolutely love What Heroes Do! Izumi is such a well written character, and sometimes, I see myself in her. The way she handles situations is so inspirational! And your writing skills are top-tier! My best friend and I actually started writing a book 4 years ago (I mean, we wrote for one month in 6th grade, and then spent one day in 8th grade editing it, and we’ve only got a prologue and 1.5 chapters done, so… clearly, we aren’t doing a good job lol), and you’ve inspired me to go back to that book and re-do it! Thank you so much for being such an inspiration and an idol of mine! Ilysm ❤️

sugiwa:

I wanted to take the  proper time to reply to this. I think any adult willing to hold a grudge against a child is in the wrong. You clearly made a mistake and are now taking steps to improve and learn from it. Additionally, I think teachers tend to forget how much stress students are under in their academic and private lives, so a mistake should be used as an opportunity to teach not punish. I don’t think that you should worry about what this teacher thinks of you. Your teacher didn’t believe you, despite you telling them the truth. No matter how kind or nice someone is, their behavior towards you will always reflect their inner thoughts. If you’ve clearly made a mistake, you should fight to prove that. It’s not as if you intended to ‘cheat,’ given the situation we’re all in with the pandemic, online classes and quizzes are the norm. These kinds of things probably happen regularly. Additionally. I don’t think you need to concern yourself with being rude. My culture is rather blunt and when I first moved here, people weren’t fans of brutal honesty, so it was a big cultural shock.  If people aren’t willing to learn about your culture and understand, then I don’t think they’re people worth hanging out with. Lean on your friends, I don’t think they’d make a big deal over a couple of mistakes and if they do, then it might be worth reconsidering why you were friends with them. 

Thank you for your kind words about the story and I really hope everything works out for you!!

[remys-lucky-franc]

Kissing Prompt #27 - Queen of Thieves (Remy)

I know everyone else who was doing these has probably finished working on them already - I’m a slow writer I’m afraid - but I get there in the end - and I’ve really loved working on these prompts ☺️ This is the 2nd last one I have on my list (unless I get any more requests!) - this was requested for Remy and it’s # 27: kisses exchanged while one person sits on the other’s lap.

Written from Remy’s POV

Word Count ~ 1400 words

May have gone a litte bit off piste here - it’s not much exchanged as just given really, but I hope you enjoy it anyway 💜

—- [MORE] [[MORE]]

“Come on, Niko, hurry!”

I hiss quietly at my new friend as he slips through the shutter I’ve prised open. I try to be as discrete as I can. I’ve been on the streets for long enough now to know the importance of disappearing into the shadows, of moving quickly. Niko hasn’t mastered this yet: he snags the edge of his expensive-looking sweater on the rough metal frame, curses under his breath in what I’m sure is his native language, and wrestles to free himself while he tries to keep hold of the kitten. I cast one final glance around the alley before I deftly unhook him and slip through the shutter behind him.

He shoots me that haughty look that I’ve become accustomed to in the past few days, “I had it.”

I fix him with a wink and a grin that say, ‘oh, really?’ as I slip past him, through the storage room and into the waiting area of the medical practice. It’s Friday evening and this place won’t reopen until Monday morning’s first surgery - it’s somewhere safe and warm that we can sleep for a couple of nights. It has a small kitchenette where I can throw together some food for us using a few ingredients I pilfered from a grocery store earlier, plus whatever is left over in the staff fridge. But the best part is that there’s a television and a couple of plush waiting room sofas where we can maybe catch a few hours of sleep. Not that either of us sleep much - just enough to sustain us through the next day: never more.

Once I’ve got my bearings, I set to work on our food and discover a pack of cold cuts that will be perfect for Elizabeth. I call out to Nikolai and get no answer. I try again. And again... Uneasy, I grab a kitchen knife and make my way from room to room silently, stealthily, my heart swelling inside my chest. I scan each doorway as I make my way down the hallway until I reach the main consultation room, and find Niko sitting cross-legged amongst a pile of books, utterly absorbed. I swear under my breath, relieved. I drop down to crouch by him, curious, lifting up one thick tomb,

“Principles and Mechanisms of Clinical Toxicology?”

Nikolai barely grunts in response; too engrossed in what he’s reading.

I check the cover of the textbook in his hand. ‘The Basic Science of Poisons’... I swallow: this is definitely not a weird or intense topic for a runaway fifteen year old - not at all... I tilt my head at him, awaiting some sort of explanation. An acknowledgement? Something? Anything? Niko?

When nothing comes, I tut at him and shake my head in irritation. I return to the half-prepared food feeling slightly disconcerted by my new friend’s fascination with toxins and mortality. He’s so guarded: I can’t help but wonder what his secrets are and what exactly it is that he’s running from? Eventually I reason that I have my fair share of skeletons too, so I won’t pry. He might tell me someday, if he really wants to.

Later that evening, after we’ve eaten, chatted and watched some easy movie on the TV in the waiting room, we turn in for the night. It’s early March and despite the bright Parisian sunshine, there’s a definite chill in the air reminding us that summer isn’t with us quite yet. After some rummaging, I’ve found some pillows and rough hospital blankets in the store cupboard to keep the cold out and make us a little more comfortable. I take the smaller of the two sofas, but Nikolai’s spindly, long legs still dangle over the edges of his when he lies down: he looks so cramped and awkward. Still, it’s luxury compared to the exposed rooftop we slept on on top of our jackets for the past two nights. The sickly moonlight provides no comfort. You can see your breath while you shiver beneath it - little wonder neither of us did more than doze for a few minutes, waiting for the rays of the morning sun to return and restore some warmth and life to us. It sounds so romantic and fanciful, a life of adventure on the streets - going where you like, doing what you want, no parents to answer to - but it’s not. It’s hard on the streets: harder than I imagined it could ever be. But by now, I’m used to it. Niko isn’t yet, so I’ll look out for him.

I’m not sure how much later it is that I’m yanked from sleep by the sound of anguished screams. On my feet in seconds, heart racing, I’m half-dazed and scrambling to find Nikolai’s attacker. I whirl around in the darkness again and again and again, scanning, searching... Until I realise. There’s no one else here. Only me, a frightened kitten and the pale, dark-haired boy asleep on the sofa, thrashing and wailing in a tongue that I can’t understand. Instinctively I kneel by the sofa and lay the back of my hand against his forehead as he flinches away from my touch; he’s stone-cold and drenched in sweat. I speak his name, quietly at first, trying to lure him back from whatever horror grips him behind those blue eyes, then louder, and louder. My hands grip his arms as I gently try to shake him out of it, but it’s no use! He twists and pulls against me, gasps and shouts. As I finally manage to jerk him awake he leaps clear of the sofa, tears stream down his waxy cheeks as he backs away from me, sobs catching in his throat as he calls for Elizabeth. I pause and hold my hands up to show him I mean no harm as I crawl to where he sits, back pinned to the wall, head in his hands, nose buried in her soft grey fur.

“Niko, it’s ok? You’re going to be ok...”

I slip in beside him on the tiled floor, shoulder to shoulder, and peer across at him; I’ve never seen anyone look so fragile and shattered, and all I want in the world is to stop this before he fractures completely. I loop my arm around his shoulders and feel him bristle for a second before he relaxes into me in spite of himself. I know he’s both taller and older than me, but in this moment he looks so young and so very small. He reminds me of my younger brother when we shared a bedroom and he would have a bad dream. He would never call for our maman, always for me: only for me. Although it was simple imaginary monsters under a seven-year-old’s bed that I had to vanquish back then. Now with Nikolai and his demons, I find myself doing as I would with Etienne when we were little; I pull Nikolai closer until both he and Elizabeth are in my lap and his head rests against my chest, the calming rhythm of my heartbeat thrums in his ear.

He tries to protest, mumbling that he’s fine, to leave him be. But he’s not, that much is very, very clear. He shakes like an autumn leaf; brittle and exhausted. I rock our bodies slowly from side to side, mouthing soothing platitudes because they’re all that I have: what else can I say to him when I don’t understand what’s going on? I mop his brow and brush his hair back from his tear-streaked face, softly pressing silent kisses into his crown. I calm and hush him until he eventually snaps fully out of whatever God-awful night terror this was, stiffens to his usual stature and slips away from me with an embarrassed look on his pinched features, the little cat twisting around his ankles as he goes.

I watch after him wordlessly and drop back onto my sofa, sliding under my blankets before he returns. I haven’t known Nikolai for very long at all, but I already understand enough to know that he won’t want a post-mortem of what just happened. When he reappears in the doorway, I ask simply, “Better now?”, and am quite satisfied with the curt nod and tight-lipped smile I’m met with, an accord that we won’t speak of this tomorrow.

[izzielizzie]

it's crazy that so many of the songs from Maisie Peter's last soundtrack fits a lot of the oou couples

yes!! a bunch of analyses below for natewyn, maeve/luis, cooper/kris, addy/keely, and phoebe and knox lol

Neck of the Woods:

Falling asleep in a hospital waiting room 'Stead of holding it over my head Baby, you held me instead

That's such a Maeve and Luis line. Maeve was so worried about her relationship with Luis, and after the bomb went off, all he did was hold her, be her safe place, so she could sleep.

I'm scared but I'm never alone And I'd swim to your call on my phone

Maeve hates beaches but Luis is so important to her that she's willing to overlook that (see: kayaking)

Millhouse

Cup of coffee spilling over, oh, cleaning all my cuts

When they cut class to get coffee, Phoebe definitely realized she had a crush on Knox

'Cause you deserve it and we're somewhat decent people Or at least trying to be

That's so Phoebe and Knox. Phoebe says she's trying to be a better person and Knox well... he already deserves the world.

Funeral

I want you to know that the past is past That everything changed when I heard you laugh

This screams Maeve and Luis. She had a hard childhood and he’s just a goofball and she absolutely adores that he’s so laidback, and she’s learning to let go of her past to be with him. 

And I can't blame you for things you haven't done yеt Even if I'm scared you will

Maeve spent the entire book hearing about how Luis cheated on the girls he dated, and she is secretly scared that he will do the same to her, but she’s caught in the limbo because he hasn’t actually done anything. It’s terrifying for her, but she’s also learning to love him.

I'd pin all of my hopes to your handlebars

Every time I hear this I think about Luis trying to convince Maeve to ride on the handlebars of his bike (after they start dating it’s basically the only mode of transportation she has)

Happy Hunting Ground

Now interlaced, for worse or for better My bird of a feather

Cooper and Kris have had their lives intertwined now, and they’re so lucky that they love each other. 

So don't take it for granted I love you, don't take advantage

Maeve really, really loves Luis, and she’s so scared that everything will implode, and the vulnerability is very obvious in the lines

So careful where your boots tread Oh, protect the love that you get

This entire song is about loving someone so badly you’re scared they’ll hurt you, and Bronwyn is handing Nate her heart, and even though he’s broken it before, she’s letting him know that she’ll still be here.

And we got way too much to lose here, don't you think so? It's too good, yeah, just to let it slip on by without a pause And we've been stacking up the boxes trying to reach for what we wanted 

This is so Phoebe and Knox. They’ve got so many hard things in their lives and their friendship and subsequent relationship is something they’ve both unconsciously agreed is worth preserving and fighting for.   

I Want You to Change (Because You Want to Change)

I'm not a movie hero, just a guy you say you love Lyin', you say it's fine, you're lyin' But how am I supposed to know that? I can't read that stuff

It feels like sometimes Bronwyn has a lot of expectations for Nate, and it can be overwhelming for him.

Tryin' doesn't mean it's better Doesn't mean you're magically the pеrson that I want from you Tryin' doesn't make you perfеct

I don’t really have a reason for this, but I get Cooper and Kris vibes. Cooper is trying to learn how to live in a world where he can be with Kris, but Kris is already there. It probably causes some tension between them, but they also love each other and know that it will work out. 

The Party

I know I'm a piece of work But I wanna make it work with you

Again, Maeve and Luis. Maeve has never willingly given someone control of her heart - even Bronwyn had to force her way into Maeve’s heart. So she’s really trying to love Luis and let him love her.

I'll take your chaos and your crooked in a heartbeat Heart beats louder, I'm gonna make you proud of me

This is so Addy and Keely. Keely would probably be annoyed with how chaotic Addy is, but she lover her either way, and Addy just wants Keely to love her and be proud of her.

People ask how long have I loved you, no comment 'Cause probably since I was seven and you were eight We didn't know each other, but baby, it was fate

There’s something appealing about the age of seven, because that was the year Maeve was diagnosed with cancer. The idea that there was some eight year old boy - a boy who loved to cook and play with his baby brothers - waiting to grow up and fall in love with the broken girl at his lunch table is so damn romantic to me. 

Your friends think I'm bad news and a part of you believes them I understand, I know how lucky I am

Luis loves Maeve, and people don’t think they’ll work well together, but he loves her. And he understands how lucky he is to be able to love her.

You mouthed, "Babe, you look beautiful" From across the room, grin in your eyes And I tell the group, "Look that's my guy"

The fact that Cooper can tell people that Kris is his boyfriend probably makes him so happy and bubbly and all kinds of excited and it’s just so cute to imagine him just pointing out Kris to people like Addy and Bronwyn who pretend they’ve never seen him because Cooper looks so happy

Glowing Review

This year's a plot twist 'Cause I'm not the sort to be certain a lot

I love the idea that over a year Keely and Addy start falling in love with each other and they’re just really surprised.

You are better than you know yourself I found you off the highest shelf

Maeve very clearly has a very poor view of herself, so Luis takes it upon himself to build her up every moment he gets. Also, Bronwyn does the same for Nate.

Baby nothing much has changed, I guess your buzzcut, it grew But I'm still the girl with the blush, giving a glowing review

Phoebe made some offhand comment about how hot Knox would be if he grew his hair out, and I can imagine her in the future just staring at him, wondering how she got so lucky to end up with someone like him. 

Maybe it's perfect, maybe it's incredibly flawed It doesn't matter I'm happy honey, I'm locking the door

Bronwyn and Nate’s relationship is flawed and broken and scary, but they really are each other’s homes. They really love each other.

Blood moons, skylarks My baby's out the ball park

Ballpark? Baseball? Maeve/Luis and Cooper/Kris??

Life without ya, I never wanna find out You're scared, me too I won't leave you

Again, Bronwyn and Nate’s relationship is so scary but they love each other so much

Lunar Years

I know something that you don't know Scathing down the landline, I still kind of love you And I'm four steps forward in my plimsolls But I still wanna stab any girl that wants to touch you

This feels like Bronwyn after she broke up with Nate. Like, she’s not his but she still feels like she is.

And no one wants to kiss a bad sport So I keep my head high, wave at all your family

Nate had so much respect for the Rojas that he took care of Maeve, even though he wasn’t Bronwyn’s boyfriend. And also this screams Cooper and Kris because Kris is so polite to the Clay family even though they hate him. Mostly.

You got good, I got better But I still care about you, and I think I'll care forevеr

Nate and Bronwyn still love each other, no matter how many times they break up

I know something that you don't know These days all our friends think you're kind of an arsehole

Were there moments where people hated Luis because of the way he treated girls and was now, in their mind, moving on to Maeve? Yes. 

And I'm glad we got to do All those perfect, ugly, almost priceless Lost and lovely lunar years together

This is kind of for all five couples. They had their struggles and things were impossible sometimes, but they got to do everything together.