#But yeah as for Peter and Bruce

[oifaaa]

Okay but for real

If Peter Parker was in DC, he would either get adopted

Or hired by Bruce depending on his age

He's not getting adopted he's got aunt may and besides that comics Peter is like late 20s early 30s he's a bit too old for that and I also don't think Bruce would hire him or if he did it wouldn't last long Peters just a bad luck magnet having a nice long term job isn't in the cards for him

[undertheredhood]

bruce 'tired single dad' wayne: *lecturing jason once again on something he did during a fight*

jason 'theatre kid extraodinare'' todd who immediately starts fake crying on the spot: do you just not love me anymore?

[bruciemilf]

i raise to you peter b parker jokingly flirting with bruce JUST ONCE, and even asks bruce advice for feral babies. LEMME TELL YOU, MIGUEL? MIGUEL'S FUMING.

JEALOUS MIGUEL JEALOUS MIGUEL JEALOUS MIGUEL JEALO-- the funny thing is, he RARELY has a reason to be jealous. "Of course I'm worried, have you met yourself? You're a great guy, and a great father, and you're so nice and funny it's disgusting."

Peter B has a hand on his chest, "You...You really think that--"

" I'll break your fucking jaw."

[ringside-rally]

idk i thought this was funny (inspired by @/fankhx-invasion )

[theshadowrealmitself]

Okay my favorite batshit au for Spiderman that’s incredibly self indulgent to me is:

Peter starts out as a Spider mutant, of course no one really knows this because he’s a very quiet and cautious kid and the stuff he has isn’t that noticeable to other people

On top of that, due to the age gap between his dad and his uncle, Ben and May already old when they take in young Peter (closer to comic canon), which comes with the side effects of being raised by older legal guardians

Side effects like because of their age they’re so tired when they come home from work that they can’t really give Peter the attention and energy that he needs and they want to give him, and because they’re always so tired and old and stuff, Peter, who’s already an obedient kid, doesn’t want to make their lives harder and their health worse, hides away anything that can upset them

(This is very important because it explains how Peter gets away with so much as a kid, there’s gonna be a lot of well meaning neglect in this au, and is also the very beginning of that deep anger taking seed inside of him, he feels can’t show emotion about his parents abandoning him, can’t make a fuss about Flash bullying him because the school won’t help and it’ll only stress out his aunt and uncle, he just feels like he can’t show anything and has no outlet for it all)

So Peter, even before going to live with his aunt and uncle didn’t get much attention because his parents were focused on their research and trying not to get killed, and then after moving in with them, feels like he has to make his presence as little as possible

He becomes a very, very independent little kid, even though May and Ben keep trying to let him know he can just be a kid, it’s okay, but at some point one of them has a health scare, there’s the hospital bill from it and the possible chance of future medical bills, so both adults start working more and more hours to afford all that

Which leaves poor Peter alone most of the time, he doesn’t want to make a fuss so he just accepts, and because the adults are too busy to really sit down and coordinate their time together, they don’t even realize how much they’ve left him on his own, thinking that the other adult was helping him

Peter gets himself up for school, washes the laundry, cleans what he cans, and cooks himself breakfast and maybe makes some for Ben or May if they haven’t left yet, packs his own lunch, then he’s responsible for getting himself on the bus to school (where he gets bullied all day), and then getting back to school, then because of the hours they’re working, he usually comes back to an empty house and makes everyone dinner, eats his, then puts himself to bed early after doing homework alone

At this point, Peter is now 10 years old, he’s formed a new friendship with his next door neighbor, MJ, who’s being purposely neglected by her shitty angry drunk dad, and another boy at school, Harry, who’s being emotionally neglected by his dad

The three of them start hanging out at Oscorp and getting to see the new stuff that the company is developing before it’s put out, one of those things is radioactive spiders, and one of the spiders with specific markings becomes Peter’s favorite

After some time, Norman makes a deal with the army to sell one of the spiders to them because of their own research with radioactive bio specimens, unfortunately, the spider he sells is Peter’s favorite one

For the first time in his life, Peter decides to try and be vocal about something he wants, but he’s too scared to interrupt Norman’s conversation, too used to being quiet, so he follows Norman along, waiting for a break in the conversation to ask him to sell a different spider, just following aaaallll the way to the army base, just being so quiet that no one notices him

Norman makes the handoff and Peter ends up following the spider, eventually getting his hands on it and accidentally releasing it from its container where it then bites Peter

Now remember, Peter was already a mutant, these spider mutant powers already included super strength, climbing on walls, and being able to produce webs, and also because being Spidery was a core part of his being, he has also has a ton of spider behaviors and instincts that he has to constantly fight to appear normal in public so no one calls his relatives and stress them out

After the bite, all of the hair on his body, not just the hair on his head, but the body hair, eyelashes, eyebrows, just everywhere, becomes bright red and blue patterned, his eyesight becomes supernaturally incredible, but when he uses his eyes like that, they become entirely black, I’m talking pupil, iris, and the whites become a dark inky black, and when he’s not using it, his eyes look normal, but his eyesight is back to being crap, he also now has fangs that produce a high intensity venom, and his super strength becomes so much stronger than it was before

These effects start slowly taking over as Peter starts wandering around with his spider, that he’s already forgiven for biting him because of course the poor thing is scared, trying to find an exit, but instead he stumbles upon the other radioactive specimen in the army’s care: the Hulk

Peter, being the sweet kid he is, lets the Hulk out and the Hulk remembers that and becomes a lifetime friend of “bug-man’s” from that, and the two escape the army base with the cameras capturing footage of a blue and red spidery creature helping the Hulk, starting Norman Osborn’s lifetime hatred for Spiderman (no one notices Peter’s excursion which takes a couple of days getting back home because quiet kid, kinda being neglected, teachers didn’t even mark him absent because they didn’t notice he hadn’t actually showed up, etc)

Peter is now visibly a mutant and so his friend and neighbor MJ notices immediately when he comes back and helps him out immediately even though she likes his new look, but it gives her a chance to try out makeup looks and hair dyes on someone else, and that’s what starts them becoming best friends, MJ starts hanging out more at his house to get away from her home life, Peter isn’t so alone anymore, it works out great for the two kids and starts Peter’s huge crush on her since this is the first time he’s actually been close and open with another person

(Also cause of the neglect, man it feels awful saying May and Ben neglected him in this au but there’s no other way to put it, Peter doesn’t ever return to the doctors and get checkups, and no one investigates because fuck it they lost Peter’s file or something)

Peter and Harry don’t have that moment where they suddenly intensely bond over something, but over the next four years, the three of them slowly become inseparable, to the point that many times MJ and Peter forget that they haven’t shared their big secret with Harry

(Although Peter hasn’t become a vigilante yet, him and MJ still go off and have adventures during this time, like helping the Hulk or meeting up with the x-men, this ends up being another thing that helps him hide his identity as cameras keep picking up grainy images of him without the stuff he uses to hide his looks at school and of course no one’s gonna assume a kid is out doing these things, so Spiderman, when he makes his debut, has to be much older than the Parker kid is what everyone thinks)

So instead of the spider bite being what causes his fight with Uncle Ben leading to him running out and consequently his uncle dying, it’s Harry finding out that MJ and Peter had this secret they hadn’t been sharing with him, and Peter’s resentment at not being able to go to his relatives for advice because how would he even explain any of that to them?? He doesn’t even know how they feel about mutants much less a mutant who’s now been made radioactive!! That causes his anger issues acting up and then the origin story with Uncle Ben except now his death includes him apologizing to Peter for not being there more often and knowing that he’s a mutant (but not the other stuff) and letting him know that he’s okay with it and he’s sorry he made Peter feel like he couldn’t share that with him

This is depressing for everyone, because even though him and Aunt May dropped the ball a lot (in this specific au), he was still a great relative when he was able to be there for him, he was also a great adult figure to MJ and Harry

So after that, all 3 of them decide to get into the vigilante business, with Peter being the face of it since he’s the only one that could actually handle fights and stuff (but with Harry’s money and Peter’s smarts they do end up making equipment for Harry and MJ), just these 3 little traumatized, neglected 14 year olds forming a vigilante group together

They find an Oscorp warehouse that Norman forgot about, put it in Harry’s name, and completely reinvented it to be their base, and over time it becomes less lonely, at first it’s just the Hulk hiding out there occasionally, maybe some x-men they befriended, but once they turn 18 and Spiderman becomes less of a cryptid and starts actively putting himself out there (because Harry and MJ couldn’t stand the idea of losing him so they made him promise to stay out of the limelight) their group starts really taking off

(Getting people like Gwen Stacy, Daredevil, Nova, Iron Fist, White Tiger, Power Man, Wolverine, Venom, Squirrel Girl, etc)

While staying completely hidden from SHIELD the entire time, Nick Fury doesn’t find out for ages that all these other heroes were secretly connected to Spiderman and had a base together this whole time

And eventually of course Miles joins, with his origin story being that he found Spiderman on the brink of death, saved him, accidentally got pierced by one of his venomous fangs, which acted the same way a bite from a radioactive spider would affect him, which is not something any of them had known, apparently a full on bite would kill a person, but a tiny amount of venom makes them radioactive, so that’s something to worry about now

Miles’ uncle eventually joins their little superhero gang sometime after that because it’s my self indulgent au and I want that kid to be happy with his family

Also after Uncle Ben’s death, Aunt May makes a concentrated effort to actually full on be there for Peter and all his friends, it doesn’t magically make his childhood better, but it’s healing

And a good portion about this is: Peter’s identity being so hard to find because how he shows himself in his civilian life isn’t what he actually looks like, so when his mask gets ripped off there’s not actually much to worry about, doesn’t mean he’s not still doing The Most™️ to hide his identity to protect not only Aunt May now but also his group

And also I wanted him to be as strong as possible, like could fight Superman strong, as well as have all these abilities that would make you think he’d be a part of the avengers fighting aliens and stuff and he’s just like “I really gotta dedicate all my attention to stopping muggers and bank robbers” because that’s so him

Also I think he’d look incredibly pretty with the red and blue coloring as well as the completely black eyes, and because it’s funny to me, while the Hulk is a part of them, Bruce Banner has no memory of this in the slightest, and Johnny Storm is pissed when he finds out Spidey has a hero team with a base that he didn’t invite him to

The neglect and stuff also really ties into not joining SHIELD, because Peter is still the unofficial leader of the group and he's not used to depending on others, but also he's worried about SHIELD trying to force him to become a big named hero when he does just want to stop robbers, and he's terrified of SHIELD knowing his and his friends' identities and what danger that could lead to for them

There’s probably a ton I forgot to put down but this post is already so long 😭 lemme know if anyone has any questions!! would love to answer any

[furitbat]

there is just something so satisfying about these big strong superheros finding a child with angst problems and then by canon choice or fandom force becoming a paternal/family figure for said child and then that superhero is willing to go to war at a PTA meeting for their brooding child

[juniaships]

Disney when they find out i ship their mcu heroes with black women:

[funnyincorrectmcu]

Peter: Don’t worry. I have a plan. Tony: …I’ll warn Bruce.

Original Quotes: @incorrecttonyxeveryonequotes

[hjkiuwb]

Why can't I just be like those silly little baby girls with sociopathic urges, big self-indulgence and maybe big money and nothing more (okay there might be some psychological trauma... so what?)

Anyway I'm even ready to die in the end like some of them

So what

When?

I'm waiting

[ask-ursa-tonypeter]

[fic: ynyd] Peter, if it wasn't Tony, who would you have been most comfortable being with for the whole Westcott thing? Tony, same question?

Peter: Oh, that's-- really weird to think about? I don't know, for the Avengers I guess other than Tony I knew Bruce the best at that point, but that would-- I mean-- no.

I guess-- Natasha? We weren't close then, but she's really good at keeping her cool; I don't think it would've felt as, like... humiliating... as with the others. Outside the team, I guess, like, Happy? Because I trust him? Ugh, I don't want to think about it.

----

Tony: I hope you know that's a fucked up question.

But Rhodey, easy.

[lifeofmarvvel]

It's so funny to me that comics used to be like "everyone comes back to life but Bucky Barnes, Jason Todd, and Uncle Ben" and now we've got Bucky and Jason running around, initially back as villains doing various canon things in their respective universes

How long is it gonna take before Marvel says "screw it" and brings Uncle Ben back as a Spider-Man villain who eventually reconciles with Peter

[undertheredhood]

pre-death jason anytime bruce is being annoying: the way you’re currently behaving is the reason why nightwing left you

[r4diantgutzzz]

Hi pookies I’m baaack

Some batfam angst, John lore ig (uhhh just some story building for myself 🫡 personal hcs for John)

And a doodle of Batman looking out to the sky

[adhdslugcrimes]

Tony: ah Bruce, long time no see. *Hugs and kisses both cheeks* how's the kids?

Bruce: good good, you look great Tony. *Rich people hug and kiss* we have to make the time to catch up, I saw you have three kids already.

Tony: yeah, one biological and the other two I adopted, I saw you have a new kid too, we should set up a little play date with them too.

Bruce: tots!

Dick: yep, that's it I'm jumping off his building.

Jason: oh I remember Tony, they were fuckin wasn't they.

Dick: yep.

Barbara: rumored 3some, with Captain America.

Jason: welp, two rich dad's can buy me books.

Tim: okay but he had like Thor, another Bruce, black widow, and so much more, why Bruce he's a sad sack.

Steph: I mean, lex writes fanfiction about him and uncle Clark, can't get any sadder then that.

Them: lex did what!?

Wade: ah yes the op really like bullying Lex and make Bruce bang list bigger.

Peter: Wade, the forth Wall needs a break.

[forevercloudnine]

Love that you have a special folder for collecting Bruce's particularly nutty moments. What would you say is his #1 most deranged moment, if you can narrow it down? I vote for the time he slashed Jason's throat in order to prevent him from shooting Joker.

That's a good one. Although I think Bruce gets at least a little slack there, given that a) Jason gave him a truly impossible ultimatum, and b) Bruce had just found out that Nightwing died about four minutes prior, so he was under a considerable amount of stress at the time. (Eventually the editorial battle between Dan DiDio and Geoff Johns ended with Nightwing being revealed to have miraculously survived the nuclear destruction of Blüdhaven, but neither Bruce or the writer of "Under the Hood" had any way of knowing that.)

My personal Most Deranged Bruce Moment is probably the reveal in Detective Comics #999 that he celebrates his birthday by forcing himself to hallucinate: reliving the deaths of his parents, failing to save his loved ones, and burying his child self alive.